The F Plus - 343: Keeping Cantel Moist

Episode Date: January 22, 2021

Chris Cantelmo is no longer with us, but his teachings remain. He described himself as a Yale Biochemist who, at some point in his life, started taking DMT and had some profound revelations about God. And has it happens, most of those revelations are about DMT itself. This week, The F Plus has a stroke.... a stroke of genius!

Take drugs. Take drugs. Open your mind to a new podcast experience. This is the F+, it's Terrible Things, read with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight we've got Boots Rangier. My Yale classmates are spineless dweebs. Jimmy Franks. Chris Candelmo once shot a man just for snoring too loud.

Oh hey, it's Cheapskate. A meme that makes the front page of Reddit announces my discovery that DMT cures brain cancer is going to become the most awarded post in Reddit history. And it's sanguinary novel? Every single brain has the same capacity to be genius. All it takes is adding DMT to it. If adults refuse to rediscover DMT, they will remain stunted and ignorant and stupid. Does this episode have Zarla, too?

Anyone who tarnishes the natural world, and particularly the planet and ocean worlds, will be killed and eaten by our new supreme rulers. If you are reading this, you are enlightened enough to know how to proceed from this day forward. But it does have a lemon. Oh, and Mercury used to be a sun. It's the second densest object in the

known universe, next to Joe Rogan. Oh. Oh. Give that man some reddit gold. I don't like him. He says unintelligent shit and talks about drugs all the time. Take my reddit gold, sir. Hey, F+. Hey, are you all ready for the next phase in my cult?

Yes. You had a first phase? Finally. You told me I already made it to the final phase, Lemmy. I was watching the countdown. We announced a new color of scarf, and so you're going to need to get a couple stripes, and you get a new color of scarf, and at

that point, at that point, Boots, you're going to start earning money. Oh, good. I know it hasn't happened yet, but I promise. So far, I've given you everything. You sure have. And thank you.

And thank you, because that really helps out our mission. You got to work on your downline boots. So I gathered you here because I want to talk to you about a fellow by the name of Chris Cantelmo. He is somebody who has posted a bit on Reddit, but we're actually not going to be looking at Reddit a whole lot. We're going to be looking at his own site, because Chris Cantelmo is a visionary, is a mentor, and is a fan of drugs. And all of those things will become very apparent very, very soon.

This was an episode provided to us by Cheapskates. Hi. Hi. Thank you for this one. Oh, God. Beware for your crimes. So that's how many times I have to say your name for you to show up. So that's how many times I have to say your name for you to show up.

But yeah, so, you know, I haven't really explained a whole lot about Chris Cantelmo or his philosophy or slash religion called Cantelmoism. It just doesn't work. We just can't tell more about him. Mo-ism is a great combination of syllables. more about him. Mo-ism is a great combination of syllables. But Boots, looking here at the doc, I think

Chris Cantelmo, would you just introduce yourself please? Sure. I like going to the website itself, but it hurts me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only, as we were mentioning right before this recording started, the only site i've seen uh that uses price down as an actual body font that's right the grand theft auto font on everything oh wow oh boy wow yeah i'm going back to the doc okay cantalmoism https going slash slash www.cantalmoism.com my name is chris g cantalmo i am a

yale biochemist molecular biophysics and biochemistry in 1984 i have recently discovered that dmt is the natural neurotransmitter that explains everything about humanity and also happens to be an extremely good cure for my cancer. An extremely good cure. That happened very fast. I still have cancer. I just don't care. I'm sorry for giving you all my cancer. But here.

Just as an overview, DMT is a powerful hallucinogen, sort of really close to ayahuasca. It is a hallucinogen because it is a poison, and in some cases fatal. To your cancer. No. It's extremely good if you're a cancer, because you won't die from the cancer. It's a natural transmitter. Okay, so my sole goal here, now, and forever, is to reassure people that love is the only thing that matters. And take DMT.

One should ask themselves a question any time they have doubt about the way forward. Which path will most increase the amount of love and kindness in the world? Change your mind! Change your life! It's free. Join! It's free. Is it? Is it? DMT is the primary neurotransmitter in our brains before we go through puberty.

Wait, what? At puberty, simultaneous with an increase in sex hormones, DMT production by the pineal is reduced or eliminated, and we enter the boring, serious world of adulthood and prepare ourselves to raise children of our own. The innocence gland. I must have fallen asleep in my health class. I don't fucking remember any of this. Well, then you're not prepared for children. Nor am I. remember any of this. Well, then you're not prepared for children. Aw.

Nor am I. I feel like I'm never going to get there, strangely. Anyway, we get to have sex, which is nice, but we also have to spend a lot of time in stressful, boring situations required of us to provide a safe environment for our offspring. Ugh, gross. For the offspring.

Oh, even grosser. For the brood. We find mates and create a home and have children and then spend about two decades raising our kids into adults and the cycle repeats. We have more children again. Okay, all right. kids into adults and the cycle repeats back in back in better times before humanity stumbled into an obsession with longevity and a desire to always look and feel much younger than our years dmt production would be reinitiated when our sex hormones declined. That's what menopause is?

Oh man, I'm looking forward to menopause now. When DMT was reintroduced naturally to adults, they reconnected with the spirit world and became a calming and guiding presence to the world. That was a time when wisdom really did reside in our elders. Now we live in a world, at least in the developed countries, where DMT production is not re-established in the elderly.

Give all elderlies in nursing homes DMT now. Like, now that we have elderly. Now that we have elderly, give the elderly drugs. People didn't simply die younger. They had DMT, and they looked younger. Is his argument that, like, in the medieval period, everyone was just fucking all the time?

Until they got too old to fuck, at which point they just naturally got high. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right, all right. It has been hypothesized, and I think correctly, that fluoridation of our water supply leads to a calcification of the pineal. Fluoride leads to calcium.

Totally makes sense. He's a biochemist. That's right. A Yale biochemist. That's right. A Yale biochemist. That's right. A Yale biochemist. That means everything he says is true. Calcification of the pineal combined with pineal? Whatever.

Combined with our fear of staring at the sun, which activates DMT production, has led to profound stupidity. Frankly, in older adults in the modern industrialized world throw away those eclipse goggles we're in the industrial age guys stare at the sun what are you a chicken oh that's why trump never wore glasses during the eclipse he was trying to activate his dmt yeah our age is the age of treason treason against god and ingenuity. I love this page of the game. Treason against DMT. I am hereby ushering in a renaissance of reason and spirituality

which have not been united since ancient times. You all know this exactly what, you all know this is exactly what needs to be done and exactly how things are. Sure do. Thank you for your faith in me

and allowing me the time and space to figure it all out. That's what somebody says to you right before they're about to dump you. They also say this. Chris Cantelmo, the king of Reddit and your kingdom has arrived. My boyfriend

has been hooked on DMT and now has declared himself king of Reddit. Am I the asshole? Yeah, so that snapshot was taken by Cheapskate before he had a very Squarespace-y redesign here. Chris Cantelmo posted something

on his new website. So it's a little bit of an effect, I think a continuation of what you were reading there, Boots, about how this is going for him, right? So this is a true story. I spent yesterday in the hospital. I woke up yesterday with an intense pressure on my forehead like something was about to burst. I called my primary doctor, blah, blah, blah.

I got to the hospital. Once at the hospital, the ER doctor asked what was happening. I told her it felt like something was going to explode in my head and that I was having trouble coordinating my speeches. All of the T's in this Grand Theft Auto font are fucking nuts. I was having trouble coordinating my speech and expressing my thoughts. She asked me what I did for a living. I told her I was a biochemist. She said, so are you high functioning?

I told her I went to Yale. She snapped back. I went to Harvard. I want to see that nerds at that point. And left the room to order a CT scan and blood test. The attending nurse asked if I had any other symptoms. I told her that I thought maybe I had a stroke and explained the experience I had with DMT several weeks ago. In this experience, the color drained from my vision.

I received the message that I, quote, can't always get what I want. It was sung by a children's choir. It was so weird. After the DMT had worn off, it only lasts like two to three minutes, my perception of the environment seemed brighter and more intense. And this lasted as far as I knew until the next day when I awoke after a very restful sleep, feeling fine, maybe better than ever. I told the nurse that I was probably not explaining myself well, but she disagreed.

I was given a CT scan of my brain and had a full spectrum of blood work and a full spectrum of blood work was performed. The results came back all negative, meaning the experience had been positive overall. Get it? Huh? You like that? That's fun. That's fun. I like wordplay. Anyway, I had a stroke. One I barely recognize. I had a stroke of genius!

Christ! Oh, boy. Cue laughing music. This whole thing was just setting that up. Sock it to me. DMT is the molecule that allows us to share knowledge in the collective consciousness. God, I did have a stroke. A stroke of genius.

Gage didn't get it the first time. Very interesting. A stroke of genius. A stroke of genius. A stroke of genius always feel like a pressure building up behind the bridge of the nose when I figured out how to communicate it the pressure went away

not all strokes are bad we've heard the phrase stroke of genius you had one of those benign strokes does DMT do things to your memory? I never had one before so I didn't know what they felt like now I do

the strokes that involve a burst blood vessel in the brain Thanks to your memory, I never had one before, so I didn't know what they felt like. Now I do. The strokes that involve a burst blood vessel in the brain cause issues that certainly appear unhealthy to an outside observer. It was a different type of stroke. It was a sudden awareness of a good idea. Oh, Christ. It was. Can I ask you, what kind of stroke was it? A stroke of genius.

It just gets funnier every time. No, it's for our benefit. Since we're not on DMT, he thinks we're all stupid and like all sexed up so we have no idea what's going on so he's got to repeat it four times to make sure. On my level. Next up is the Smothers Brothers.

Also, I know this is an auditorial medium but holy shit the kerning between these words is just pissing me the fuck off. We're going to be reading out of the doc for most of this. Speaking of, Jimmy Franks, if you'll scroll down to page three in this document Cheapskate provided us. And do you have anyone that we would like us to meet? Oh, uh, meet Grodd to meet? Oh. Meet God. God of meat.

Meet God. No, that was the other episode. Yes. Our God knows no rules or borders or restrictions to free. Wholesome expression of love and kindness and endless generosity. DMT is the God molecule. Okay. Okay. So DMT is the God molecule. Okay, okay. So DMT caused the Big Bang?

Something like that. Okay. Note, children, do not try this at home. You are children, still under the influence of God, and you do not need... And you need not overdo things, as is the want of children. Don't over-God yourself.

You need not overdo things, as is the want of children. Don't over-God yourself. Talk to your parents about DMT and God. Note, those adults currently in touch with God, this does not apply to you either. You are correct in saying that being in touch with God does not require drugs. I don't know why there's quotes around drugs, but okay. DMT is not a drug, as it is made naturally by humans inside humans. I mean, okay, that's not...

Okay, that's not untrue. That's not untrue. Also, they're not harvesting adrenochrome, they're harvesting DMT. Stabbing people in the pineal gland. Oh, like the Leech Woman movie. It's one of those Schedule II gods. I mean, my body makes cholesterol.

Aww, sorry. The following applies only to humans who refuse the existence of God. Note! The God referred to here is not exclusive to any religion or spiritual tradition, though the core of religions and spiritual traditions is a direct experience with God. Unitarians. A wise man once stated that LSD has the extremely dangerous affect of causing psychoses in people who have not taken it.

Wow, that's a fucking yeah, wow, that guy must have been perceptive as hell. Have not taken it. Guys, after a hundred studies, I figured out you fucking trip when you take this shit. Oh no, if you haven't taken it, that's what he said. Yeah, extreme dangers of causing

psychoses in people who have not taken it. You get hotboxed by LSD. All of you. I do tend to lick people when I'm tripping, so that makes sense. I got a contact high at a Grateful Dead concert. This is a noteworthy similarity between LSD and DMT. Those who come under the influence of DMT have life amending experiences which they often and correctly interpret

as resulting from a closer connection to God. The skeptics will point out that some terrible events have been associated with or resulted directly from someone under the influence of psychedelics. There may or may not be truth to this and at this time I cannot explain why psychedelics may have negative consequences

except to say that problems may arise when people under the influence attempt to use their egos to overcome the experience. Using one's ego to overcome God will not work. As is true, the day is long. Somebody stabbed me while they were tripping. Well, that sounds like a you problem. I'm getting in touch with God God calling

DMT God calls for a crusade When psychedelics are experienced by people who already have a connection with God a lovely interaction takes place As the effect of the psychedelic wears off, the spiritual person returns to a normal with a feeling of renewal akin to rebirth. Oh, yeah, that's true.

That's true. Like how after you come down off mushrooms, you feel refreshed and not tired. That makes sense. Yeah. Got it. Or like when you have a stroke and then the next day you feel amazing. Wait, what kind of stroke do you mean? It's like a stroke of genius.

So when psychedelics are experienced by people who deny a connection with God, the experience is at first confounding. On one hand, everything in the world appears to be exactly as it should be, exactly as God created. On the other hand, attempts to describe the experience using analytical methods learned in school come up short. A conflict arises. Sometimes a conflict is so great that users swear off psychedelics altogether,

afraid that further experiences will leave them damaged, less intelligent, less creative, less ambitious, and so on. Spending less time on Reddit. Others, including myself, conclude that while something amazing occurs under the influence of psychedelics, this area must be explored extremely carefully and with great trepidation. But it must be explored. DMT allows people who deny a connection to God to reestablish the connection with God. People who feel an emptiness in their lives, who have lost hope in the future, or doubt the very goodness of man need not despair.

I cannot explain why because I do not yet know. But when taken by the nonbeliever, DMT brings one back to God. This is a very good thing. So I know that you are a chemist and not a metaphor. Yale biochemist. 1984. So DMT is God.

It brings you closer to God. Your parents are God. God is the brain inside you that creates the DMT, which also is God. You hate God. In order to bring you closer to God. Okay, all right.

God needs to mind his own business. I don't see why you're... It sounds like there's so many questions in that, but you perfectly understand it. This guy has absolutely written a letter to his congressman saying, like, we can solve all of our problems in this pandemic

if we just send every citizen a dose of DMT. So this is interesting. Who do you think are the sane ones in the society of ours? Well, I have got a hot take for you, and I bet you'll never guess. What's that? I put on my upper mitts.

What if, and bear with me here, schizophrenics are the sane ones? What? Wow. What? I'll give you a moment to scrape your brains off the wall and pick up your monocles. Flipping that script. Oh, my God. All right.

Well, Chris Cantelmo, now speaking in the third person, didn't get into Yale, nor does anyone rise to the top of their field of interest by accepting conventional wisdom. Yeah, you just need the money. Okay. Okay. Okay. Point of order. Point of order. Point of order. it was by legacy and money please so like ivy league education is all for like the rebels who like work outside the system man is that how it works uh yeah uh have you ever seen the stanford

marching band rebels huh Oh, man. That row team is just finding whatever groove suits them. It's the whiff and poofs are leading the charge against the system. Anyhow, back to my revelations. Oftentimes, in fact, most times, conventional wisdom is wise and best left undisturbed. Other times,

conventional wisdom leads to generations of stagnation in a scientific or cultural realm. Take schizophrenia, for example. Since the beginning of time, people have wondered, what was schizophrenia?

It was assumed it was caused... Since the beginning of time. Yes. Light, darkness, schizophrenia. Hey, you weren't there. You don't know. No, no, no, no, no. Light, darkness, the question of what is schizophrenia,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, humans, schizophrenia. No, yes. Light, blah, blah, blah, humans, schizophrenia. Light, darkness, DMT, please. Hallucinogenics, eight o'clock, day one. It was assumed it was caused by any known disease agent which normals somehow escaped.

I hope you could see my finger quotes. It wasn't until Chris Cantelmo had a eureka moment and realized that everyone starts off as schizophrenic with a brain full of DMT as children and normals phase out as puberty. Now that this is a known fact and we know that schizophrenics are much smarter than normal people,

and fully able to visualize all the dimensions known to man, we must celebrate schizophrenia. Does that mean three? Does that mean three dimensions? Schizophrenia do know about three dimensions.

That means the four-day simultaneous time cube is what it means. Oh. So how many of you think that Chris Cantelmo got diagnosed with schizophrenia? I think you're just speculating at this point. Oh, he absolutely has not been diagnosed with schizophrenia. Next you're going to tell me that he does a shitload of DMT. I'm going to turn this box of lemons into lemonade.

Humanity owes a huge apology to schizophrenics for making them feel crazy. It is normal people who are disadvantaged. The treatment of schizophrenics is the most extreme case of tyranny of the masses ever perpetuated. Rejoice in the newfound knowledge brought to us by Cantelmo's genius. Amen. Other articles by this author include, what if cat was spelled dog? And why don't they make the whole plane out of the black box? black box material.

What would chairs look like if her knees bent the other way? So that's cool. That's cool. Schizophrenics, they're the sane ones. They also are the smartest ones. Smart people such as, for example, Albert Einstein. We're all familiar with Albert Einstein, right? So he was right about most things, wasn't he, Zarla? No! Einstein was wrong!

What? I'm gonna blow your minds. But I just picked it up from the last reading. Yeah, I just recovered from that last stroke. I don't think I can handle my mind getting blown against the ceiling. See, that's how you gotta make it work. It's gotta be rapid fire. It never stops.

Here it is. An idea nobody's ever had. It isn't E equals MC2. It is E equals MC3. And now everything works. Everything works. I want to note that on his most recent version of his site he has updated it to

E equals four thirds pi MC3 now everything works it's progressively making things work better I will give one million dollars to the expert nuclear physicist

who proves me wrong this is because the speed of light becomes the radial length in the expanding circle $1,000,000 to the expert nuclear physicist who proves me wrong. This is because the speed of light becomes the radial length and the expanding circle created as matter pours itself into light. The surface area of a sphere is a function of the square of the radius. So R X R or C times C equals the speed of light squared. The volume of a sphere is a function of the cube of the radius. Hence R times R times R or C times C a function of the cube of the radius. Hence, r times r times r, or c times c

times c, the speed of light cubed. No more nuclear testing required to calculate yields. Edward Teller, the last true nuclear genius, name drop a bit here, would approve. Boom! I love you. I just created history with you.

Everybody come in. Thank you! I'm going history with you. Thank you. Everybody come in. Thank you. I'm going to get Sharon Crudit on this. I don't know you, nor do I know geometry, but I love you. Much more complicated bumper sticker. I don't know why in my middle school geometry classes, they never made us calculate the speed of light when we were doing the math on circles. You already ran out of DMT.

My textbook must have been old. I don't know. You can't create history without me. That's why. Chris Cantelmo is the only one who can create history. You're all just along for the ride. Sanguinary novel. This is one of my favorite.

I just like this URL. It's a good URL. The URL is cantelmoism.com forward slash muse forward slash quickseg52c3 ldio fffff m38voer

and some other stuff. See, if you were on DMT, you would be able to pronounce it That's what it looks like when people slam on their keyboards in rage. That's the nickname of the gnome in King's Quest. All right. Fun facts about Chris Cantelmo that makes evil naysayers very mad.

We came first, the chicken or the egg. Chris Cantelmo has already solved this age old riddle. They both run simultaneously via spectral scaffolding in the primordial ooze. Oh, God. Okay, Lemon, look out. Chris Cantelmo has designed over a hundred websites in the.NET environment. Hell yeah! over a hundred website in the dot net environment the first google earth style website ever created at the domain singletrackmind.com

devoted to creating video topo maps of every single track mountain bike trail in the western united states so when i when i see spectral scaffolding in the primordial ooze, I just think of the dozers from Fraggle Rock. That's the DMT. It's delicious. If he's created a hundred different websites in the.NET environment, how come his own two websites that he cited here are both in Squarespace?

Look, when you're creating new life and new theory, you have no time for web design. Agreed. Do you know Chris Cantelmo has been on every dirt road in Baja, California, and has photos of his two young songs kissing California grave whale babies and adults in both San Ignacio and Guerrero Negro lagoons in Baja Peninsula. That's a two young songs.

Two young songs. Only one person in the history of the world has ridden a mountain bike twice up and down the Murphy-Hogbot Canyonlands in National Park in Utah without stopping or letting his feet touch the ground. And that was Chris Cantelmo. Did you know this? National Park in Utah without stopping or letting his feet touch the ground. And that was Chris Cantelmo. Did you know this? Chris Cantelmo once rode a barrel over Niagara Falls backwards.

Here comes Amos. I always wondered why North Korean news releases looked the way they did. And apparently their journalists are all on DMT. I heard he drank coke and ate some Pop Rocks at the same time. I heard he ate two whole Thanksgiving turkeys at once. Chris Cantelmo once high-fived Chuck Norris and a black hole appeared. Some Chris Cantelmo apocrypha. When Chris Cantelmo survived a sting by a scorpion fish while digging clams in Bahia de Los Angeles in the Sea of Cortez, did you know his two sons wondered if he would survive?

What a weird story. I didn't. It's not even like I survived. It's like my sons were scared that I would die. Isn't that amazing? Are you impressed? I put DMT on that too. My college roommate.

I'm sorry. My college roommate, Chris Maxey, is a celebrated Navy SEAL and started the most amazing school in the Bahamas called the Island School. Would you like me to pay your tuition to the school if you get accepted? I will hereby commit to doing so. is called the Island School. Would you like me to pay your tuition to the school if you get accepted? Great. I will hereby commit to doing so. Please contact Chris or Pam Maxey at the Island School in Luthera, Bahamas.

Did you know that Chris Cantelmo will come to your house and hang out with you? Chris Cantelmo is not a lawyer. Did you know that Chris Cantelmo Is an Ironman champion And one of the greatest mountain bikers In California history Why didn't I know this

Whose fault is it that I don't know any of this The only member of ZZ Top Who doesn't have a beard is named Chris Cantelmo. An Ironman race consists of 2.4 mile swim, a 112 mile bike ride, and then a 26.2 mile marathon. Chris Cantelmo was a champion in his age group at Viena, Vien, Vienman Ironman. The oldest Ironman competition in the continental U.S. Can you believe what this guy has accomplished? No, but I can definitely Google it and I'm sure you'll be proven right.

Chris Cantemo once got stuck in a haunted house at the county fair and wasn't even scared one bit. I can't believe this guy accomplished writing a bunch of words on the internet. Chris Cantemo has an uncle who works for Nintendo and gets him all the games for free, including Super Mario 6, where the princess

gets naked. How is it possible that Chris Cantelmo definitely doesn't wet the bed anymore? That's a side note. Like a two-point font. How is it possible that Chris Cantelmo used to be able to free dive up to a hundred feet deep and hold his breath for up to three minutes, allowing him to spearfish huge yellowfin tuna and wahoo in the open ocean while fending off attacking sharks?

How is that possible? Did you know that Chris Cantelmo's first company was named Medicham by him? No, no, I sure didn't know that Chris Cantelmo's first company was named Medicam by him? No, no, I sure didn't know that. Did you know that Chris Cantelmo was the first graduate of Yale University to ride both a giant manta ray and a 40-foot whale shark off of La Paz, Mexico in a single day? Oh, wow. If it were two days, that would have not been impressive, but in one day? That's amazing. That's a full day.

I mean, you gotta get up early, and you're probably not getting to bed till midnight. That is a lot. Last fact. Okay, Leo Cohen, I respect you. You are very brave, and we just let my guns be my guns, and start fresh, and I'll support your wholesome endeavors,

and will you please not discourage my wholesome endeavors? I am dead serious about paying your tuition to the Island School, if you get accepted. Who's Leo Cohen? Because I feel like a villain has emerged. Is Leo Cohen, is he dark Chris Cantelmo? Oh my god, he could be the one. Alternate universe Cantelmo.

The yin to his yang. Guys, can I talk to you about the vitality of owning your shit? Marie Kondo, how did you get on here? Pick that up. Pick that here? Pick that up. Pick that up. I don't want to pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up.

I had this for years. Thank you. Now look at it. Does it give you joy? It gives me joy. It gives me joy to watch you hold my shit. Why do you make me do this? This is the only thing that gets me up.

No. Anyone who has spent time around me has recently heard me rail against online anonymity. Not owning up to who we are online and in the real world is a major, major problem. Toxicity that occurs between anonymous users here simply would not happen if people use their real names. That's clearly true. Clearly true. That's why there's so much politeness on Facebook. And people on Twitter who use their real names.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Next door where the raises starts. I put my real name and phone number out here early on, and everybody freaked out and said it was crazy, and that I would have people coming to my home and do me harm. It is not going to happen. Now that people realize, because I have nothing to hide, I've already exposed myself, dirty laundry and all, for the world to see, I have nothing to fear.

Having nothing to fear has made me fearless. Makes sense. Makes sense. Yeah. The tautology of fear here follows. My being fearless is a blessing to humanity because I am a kind and generous soul with a mission of world peace and compassion for the weak. And I can only achieve my goal by being fearless. Anyone who has felt my wrath in recent times is someone who has been mean or dismissive to me or lied about me or hurt someone else who I have the capacity to defend.

Pity the poor fool who tries to intimidate a cantalmoist? Oh my god. Cantalmoist. Cantalmoist. Cantalmoist. That's a terrible name. As we march forward into history, my realization

this morning that bioavailability of DMT, did you know that by the way? Did you know that it's produced in the brain? Have I ever mentioned

that before? I had to stroke a genius once. It's inversely related to atheism. Okay, a genius once is inversely related to atheism uh okay so dmt is uh inversely related to atheism wait okay go on okay yeah so that's illustrative i think it should not go unnoticed that the musings of jennifer white the porn star lead me to think about why men and women react differently. Lemon, time out. Listen, I got to go get more red string for my conspiracy bullets and board.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. I got some Jennifer White photos you're looking for. I can help out with that. I got a little flip book. Is she also a Yale biochemist? She does porn on the side, but you know. Well, let me find out education

uh so that is that is why men are much more likely to identify as atheists than women porn stars are not afraid to put themselves out there obviously once one has exposed every nook and cranny of oneself

for the world to see, one becomes fearless and honest. Only fans, but for behind the ear and that kind of weird crease area. Honesty is the best policy. Jennifer's honest inquiry into the biochemical basis for a prolonged DMT experience has led directly to today's revealed truth. There is a biochemical basis for atheism, and Chris Cantelmo

explained it with the help of a porn star. Life is beautiful! So, the moral of the story here is to stop hiding behind fake personas, explain with the help... Wait, no, no, no, I'm back on the porn star. Sorry, I keep scrolling back up to the porn star. Sorry, I keep scrolling back up to the porn star. Sorry, I found her CV.

I don't see any Ivy League education experience. Okay. But she did win an award for best POV sex scene for Jerk Off Material 6. Who's POV? The best POV. Okay. The best POV sex scene. Best POV 66.

It was an honor just to be nominated. That would be the POBV. The moral of the story is to stop hiding behind fake false personas and masks and be open and honest and willing to take a chance for what you believe in and only good things will come of it. I strongly suggest Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be anonymous on the internet and only good things will happen.

Isn't that true, Reddit? I strongly suggest, yeah, so if people I'm done that's fine DMT may be sleepy now Jimmy Franks can you please take the very next

thing in this document oh based on title alone hold on I gotta um this document? Oh. Based on title alone, I'm fine with it. Okay, hold on. I got to stare directly into the sun for the love of God. The love of God mantra song. All right, listen.

If you want your body to start producing DMT again, all you need to do is stare directly into the sun. Do it for at least a few times a few minutes a day. A few minutes? Ask yourself, who told me not to stare into the sun? Who is this all-wise person who thought you should not stare into the sun?

That was someone who wanted you to not see. Is there chloroform in my retina that makes DMT? Is that how this works? I mean, you're not going to see whether you'd stare into the sun or not. It's a different kind of sight. But listen, it was someone who knew the glory of the universe is only possible to see if you stare directly into the sun.

Your Honor, when my client said stare directly into the sun, he was using a metaphor. Stare directly into the sun for the love of God. No, I said stare directly into the sun. He was using a metaphor. Stare directly into the sun for the love of God. No one said stare directly into the sun. Who would not want you to see the glory of the universe? This ain't rocket science, folks. I mean, that's true. As a child, as a child, you remember staring into the sun. That's the most factual thing yet.

As a child, you remember staring into the sun. That's the most factual thing yet. Really? As a child, you remember staring into the sun, even though your parents or teachers might have told you otherwise. This is what kids do. They don't listen to their parents or teachers because they know better. It turns out kids really do know better than their parents or teachers. And since you remember staring into the sun as a child, and your eyes are perfectly fine now, or you wouldn't be reading this,

why do you think your eyes cannot handle the sun now a child and your eyes are perfectly fine now or you wouldn't be reading this. Why do you think your eyes cannot handle the sun now? That's true. You're not reading this, man. One thing that fourth graders have is just good impulse control. Ask yourself

this important question. Why do I believe what I believe when I can see exactly how things are without having to believe in anything? Open your eyes! You might consider saving your protective eyewear for viewing arc welding sparks and nuclear explosions here on Earth, but the sun was created for

your enjoyment. Our enjoyment. You can actually stare directly at a nuclear explosion. That would be fine. I mean, as long as you were far enough away. The arc welder thing isn't... You don't wear goggles when you're using an arc welder because it's bright. That's not the reason why you're supposed to wear goggles. Get hot shorts directly in your eyes!

Consider this for as long as you've been told that you should not stare into the sun That the world has only grown more polluted More contentious, more chaotic, more scared More meek This is not a coincidence Wake up! Not tomorrow, not next week Not next month Today! Start living today

Start living again now So is there like a lobby in Congress That's like not staring at the sun? To further this interest. Never put salt in your eyes. It's a sunglasses lobby out to shield us from DMT. Yeah, big pinhole camera.

Their multi-billion dollar lobby. You can't say they're not focused on a single goal. Whoa, whoa, are you going to read the PS? Oh, sure. PS hint. Hint. The opposite is also true in that depriving yourself of all light has also been reported to restart the brain's natural production of DMT. Oh, there's a reason why people placed in solitary confinement find God.

Because DMT allows one to see God. How do you think? What? How do you think Nelson Mandela and all of humanity's great beings survived insufferable isolation? Only by the grace of God. That's right, yeah, because the jailers would deliver him his daily bread, water, and DMT. Oh my god. I don't know if they could, they would.

Your stuff. Sanguinary, can you tell me about the second law of thermodynamics, please? Yes. The second law of thermodynamics only works in time reversal. Okay. Okay. Boots, just to catch us up, what is the second law of thermodynamics? It's an object in motion that stays in motion.

I don't know. Really? Okay. I thought that was okay. I don't know a fan either. It's physics. All right. No, it's entropy.

It's just general entropy. Oh, okay. This is a fact. Before you freak out, explain your objection in an articulate scientific manner befitting someone from Yale. Debate me, cowards. It is true.

It is true. It is true. It's really hard to explain, but the future is already known because it's actually the past. That's why we should do all the easiest possible things. Easiest possible thing at all times because we cannot really affect the future. We can only accept it as gently as we allow ourselves.

The easiest possible thing at all time, like all those triathlons that you were in? Fighting fish is easy. What the fuck are you doing? What do you mean by time reversal? If time is running backwards, and what we call the future is really the past

it's the only way that entropy increases because the world is gaining complexity and not losing complexity antimatter travels backwards in time the reason matter exists in an overwhelming proportion compared to antimatter is that the formation of matter flows forward in time. And antimatter takes an equal and opposite trajectory backwards in time. I know it seems confusing. This is one realization of which you Sherlock's will be able to find recent evidence in scientific literature. Nice. will be able to find recent evidence in scientific literature.

Nice. This is a discovery first made by Richard Feynman and confirmed by Chris Cantelmo of Yale University fame. The Chris Cantelmo. I love that you can cite yourself as a source. Chris Cantelmo. I heard he fought a shark. Two in one day. Okay, so...

Two sharks and a bear. In the musings category, Chris Cantelmo wrote a, I don't know, a screenplay? A story? Dialogue? One-act play. One-act play for Black Box Theater

He wrote a skit He did it Second City style He improvised it first And then he workshopped it for a while And Boots, you will play the role of Chris Cantelmo Because of vagina monologues kind of thing And then, I don't know why

Nope, that metaphor didn't work at all. Chris Cantelmo's metaphors are infecting my mind. Did you just have a stroke of genius? I did have a stroke of genius. And then, Cheapskate, you will be the Reddit naysayer, please. Okay. And this is a day of life of Chris Cantelmo, posted May 30th, 2019. Hint, a new idea can only be discovered by someone who hasn't discovered it before.

Hey, look, I discovered the DMT cures cancer. Radical. No, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? Hey, look! I discovered that DMT is the endogenous neurotransmitter

in human childhood. It's produced by our pineal gland. No, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? Hey, look! I discovered that schizophrenia results from continued production of DMT past puberty. No, you didn't.

Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? Hey, look. I discovered that autism results from excess levels of natural DMT in the brain. And schizophrenia and autism are basically the same. Wait, wait. I thought schizophrenia was the right amount and everybody else didn't have enough. And now autism is too much? No, no, he put excess in quotes, so like so-called excess.

Okay, okay. That makes sense. Now it all makes sense. No, no, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? heard that already. I like that the Reddit naysayer doesn't disbelieve

the actual premise of what Chris Cantelmo is saying. That's why it's so good. He's like, no, that statement's wrong because you said it. Yeah, it's like the economist who says that you didn't find a $20 bill on the sidewalk because somebody else would have picked it up already.

Hey, look, I discovered that the second law of thermodynamics only works in reverse, in time reversal, because the universe is getting less disordered, not more disordered. Entropy is decreasing. No, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? Hey, look, I discovered that E equals MC3, not E equals MC2. No, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already?

I'm glad to have these conversations with you. I can see why you keep posting on Reddit. It sounds fun. This is actually a very astute summary of reddit really hey look i discovered the explanation for instincts and animals group selection and popular population genetics the mechanic the mechanism for migration routes how to see god and that aliens are on earth and waiting to kill you. But not anyone who gets immunized with DMT. That took a left turn at the end.

How to see God gets fourth billing. No, you didn't. Why hasn't anyone else discovered that already? And you wonder why I sometimes get a little short-tempered. Womp womp. Womp womp. Cheapskate, tell me about my favorite subject, won't you please? Oh, you mean memes?

Oh, yes, please. One of the first confusing things I noticed at Reddit were memes. There were a bunch of photos of roofs with a chimney and a weird word or two. I felt like I was witness to some bizarre, possibly evil coded messaging cult. A little bit, a little bit. Kind of right there, really. Kind of, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I was like, the Oculus guy made all of these? Really?

It took me a while to see that memes were a very clever means of data transmission. Any picture is worth a thousand words. Memes were worth up to 1,010 words or more. Oh, decent math. But what if there's 12 words in the meme? Or more! Okay. What's the conversion rate?

Wait, what if there's less then? Wait, up to or more? Well, that's confusing. In my interview... That leaves your options open. In my interview with r slash insider meme trading... Fuck you, Reddit. I described memes as images with agendas,

and in hindsight, I think this is quite accurate. I just... It's actually a Kojima. Don't all images have agendas, and in hindsight I think this is quite accurate. I just read... Don't all images have agendas? Nah. I just read a comment from a user in response to a meme featuring Spider-Man. The comment was,

if Spider-Man says it, I believe it. This really spoke volumes about the power of memes. People don't lie on the internet. What if he's pointing to another Spider-Man then? Do you have to believe that one as well? Parker, get me pictures of God. Memes capture the goodwill or ill will associated with the image and harness that to their message and this is very powerful companies i would imagine being american are probably fearful

of memes hijacking their trademarks and goodwill associated with their brands or products that's right somebody has not been on twitter whatsoever that That's right. What if companies were to leverage the power of memes? Culture jamming. This is a fascinating area of our internet culture that I am almost certain will be the subject of litigation in the United States because in the U.S. everything usually boils down to money and lawyers arguing greedily in a room. Greedily. That's not how the legal process works. You remember that landmark

case, Money v. Lawyers. You actually think a lot of lawsuits are solved by lawyers arguing with each other in a room? Yeah. We'll have to cite to Chad V. Virgin. So the best memes will remain those that hijack the goodwill of their image and deliver a message without constituting trademark infringement. a message without constituting trademark infringement. If I were good at making memes, I would make one with the

Nike logo and a lawyer saying memes, just don't do it. No, he did not. He did not just say that. Yes, yes, yes. Oh my god. He is winning the internet today and I am here

for it. That's what he would do if he was good at making memes. He's just the idea guy. If anyone doesn't like that meme, I will give an epic clap back. Sucks.

Zarla? Yeah. Just sucks uh Zarla yeah uh just uh again it's just another title that I mean Chris Cantelma

is pretty good at writing titles he's good at the clickbait maybe not good at the memes but uh

so gravity is not a separate force silly physicists separate from what that deserves four exclamation points silly physicists i'm i'm super curious as to what part what force it belongs to friction is a part of friction since the days of newton physicists have discussed gravity as if it were some miraculous action at a distance force field. It's only because gravity was discovered before electromagnetism and atoms that this crazy complexity of forces is brought into the scientific mind. Had electricity and magnetism been discovered first, the concept of gravity probably would have never arose.

But even before the word scientist existed, people could see that a rock hurt when it fell on one's foot, and that dropping one's baby accidentally often had dire consequences. Often? Often, you know. It makes them stop producing the DMT. That's the real tragedy. Instant puberty. So the notion was lodged in our head that

gravity was a thing. It is a thing. It's actually electromagnetism. Gravity is electromagnetism? Yes. So therefore either I'm lead or I'm an electromagnet silly physicist yeah well i i don't want to talk to a scientist you all motherfuckers lying

it's getting me pissed yeah since hey man i heard about this i heard about that pelican man that was fucked up. Since Newton, physicists have discovered three other fundamental forces of nature, bringing the total to four. Gravity, electromagnetism, weak nuclear force, and strong nuclear force. Unfortunately, for all the textbooks already printed and all the reams of writing and teams of scientists postulating needlessly, there's actually only one force in nature, electromagnetism. Gravity is just electromagnetism played out over extremely long distances relative to the size of an atom. The weak nuclear force is the result of repulsion between like electrical charges over an intermediate distance. The strong

nuclear force is what happens after two like charges, protons, are forced super close together. They merge to form one proton of mass plus two. I'm just going to skip some of this. Yeah, that sounds fine. Physicists who are obsessed with the notion of symmetry should have realized

that protons do not remain discreet in the nucleus of an atom. Silly scientists. What's the CD, physicists? Silly scientists. No. Chris Cantelmo is slowly simplifying the needlessly complicated hodgepodge of ridiculous concepts into one big happy family. The unified field theory of physics, the electromagnetic field.

The only problem is that it doesn't make any actual sense. Love you all, bring it in. The fundamental concept doesn't work at all. Other than that, it's great. You're welcome. I don't believe you've noticed or not, maybe, but

he's gone to Yale. So I'm a biochemist. I'm an expert at electromagnets, electromagnets, which means that these magnets have electronic charge. Yeah. Electromagnets. You know, that's for Earth magnets, though. That's what binds all matter together. Like a big big happy family.

Bring it in, guys. I love you. Earth is just one big potato battery. Then we all get to do drugs. Cortex could draw that. We all do drugs because our bodies are making the drugs, but also they've stopped making the drugs. Sometimes they stop making the drugs. Sometimes they stop making the drugs. But some people get the drugs more than other drugs.

Yep. So there's drugs on the sun. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The sun will give you drugs. The sun can be your hookup. The sun will be in the drugs into your eyes. Imagine going to a dealer and being like, no, man, I got this figured out.

You pull off your shades and just stare into the sun. Why aren't you looking at the sun? To figure out what we learned. Jimmy Franks, coming down to the end here, but what is consciousness? What is

consciousness? Wake up. Wake up, Jimmy Franks. For all history, people have asked, what is consciousness? Wake up. Wake up to your face. For all history, people have asked, what is consciousness? DMT answers the question and every other question, too. At this point, any adult

who has not taken DMT or made immediate plans to take DMT will be known as one of history's biggest losers. Hell yeah! I'm talking about the NBC show about weight loss. You hear that, podcast listeners? I don't want that. That's a reality show I'd watch, though.

DMT is at the root of consciousness, ingenuity, instinct, bird and animal migrations, schizophrenia, autism, hair growth in men, sexual virulence in men and women, and it also cures cancer and AIDS and is the primary best treatment for Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease. I'm now imagining the reality show that Sanguinary just pitched. It's like a big Fox stage production, right? And so you've got your host, he's like Mark Paul Gosler, and then the contestants come out on the stage, and then Mark Paul Gosler says, So, are you going to do drugs, or are you a loser?

I was thinking in the same format of The Biggest Loser, where they stick you on a scale, but it measures how much DMT you took that week. Oh my god, yeah. If you don't take enough, they lock you in a completely dark room like Nelson Mandela. Oh yeah, that's right. You did not take any DMT. You must leave the island.

I think you just described the onion sex house. Let me stare at the sun, please. Mainstream media? Mainstream media? Mainstream media, when will you get a clue? The secret is out. All tree and plant roots contain DMT. Harvest wisely. Trees feel it.

But are they willing to sacrifice for your sins? Hallucinations! Fact. Hallucinations are as real as any other object in our visual field and are not an illusion. Hallucinations are visions that are accessible only in the dimension whose view is enabled by the particular hallucinogen. Any adult who does not get immunized against the alien bio-threat is an anti-vaxxer. By inhaling vaporized DMT or imbibing a Hawaska human, adults can avoid being sickened and dying from the biological agents being released

by our new alien overlords. Any adult who avoids DMT will very soon become plant food. Screw them! Plant food, but plants contain DMT, so are they going to become DMT? No, no, they're going to just want your DMT.

They're just going to reach out, grab it from you. And the aliens somehow navigated to our system without ever looking at our son. Children contain natural DMT in their bodies and do not need vaccination. Harvest the DMT from the children. Yeah, eat the children and then you won't be

one of history's biggest losers. Nuff said. Look into the sun, eat children, take more DMT, and lock myself in a dark room. Got it. Sanguinary, closing things up, I have

a choice for you. Oh boy. Yeah, exactly. up, I have a choice for you. Oh, boy. Yeah, exactly. It's a very exciting, very exciting choice that you get to make. So to close the episode off, would you like to share Chris Cantelmo's feelings on autism or Chris Cantelmo's theory on homosexuality? Oh, these are very good choices you have. I'm going to say I'm far more comfortable talking about homosexuality

just because I've got a little bit of backup in that department. But the autism thing, after the MMS thing, I think we should leave people with autism alone. All right. MMS thing, I think we should leave people with autism alone. Alright, so this is an article called A Clarification to My Homosexual Brothers and Sisters. Oh, I see a lot of capitals there.

Something happens in the text halfway through. DMT, I think. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. In my first video, I flippantly said something to the effect that young teens need not worry about experimenting with psychedelics because they should be focused on their newfound interest in, quote unquote, the opposite sex. This was not inclusive of the way I feel or how God feels. Though I am a heterosexual, God loves homosexuals

and I love homosexuals as himself and myself. All right, great. Thank you. Thank you very much. Appreciate your statement. Only loves homosexuals. So I guess we'll just wrap up

just to pack these cameras up. No, no, no, no, no. I'm not done. Oh. Please. I have more to explain. Okay. DMT.

Great. Okay, good. I took it five minutes before this interview. I needed to hit first. That's probably a good idea. Yeah. The best idea. So when homosexual boys and girls hit puberty,

they need not worry about psychedelics because they can be absorbed in the sexual features of their peers. How lucky are homosexual kids. They get to connect sexually without having to figure out the whims of the opposite sex okay yeah no like I said I think let's just pack up the lights I got this

I can feel it no two people of the same sex have whims parents get a girlfriend and do drugs at the same time hell yeah parents be careful what you wish for. Would you rather that your kids do psychedelics or that they do their boyfriends or girlfriends?

Back to Muse! Okay, listen! There are four buttons right below, right now! Do it with no hesitation, no buts, no bets. I need you to press each button right this instant or I will make you do it. I don't care what you think. Chris is crazy, or at least he talks the truth with actual personality.

You better click those four buttons and share on your wall and text your friends on every single one of his posts and do it under five seconds. And don't come back if you need to do anything. There's only three buttons. The heart one doesn't do anything. I think you fucked up the JavaScript. And don't come back and even make eye contact with me until you do with

proof and I see you and you spread the message around to other people. Do you hear me? I will not stand by and watch you not smash each of those four buttons and not at least spend 30 seconds thinking about which is best sub. This is in fact for that sweet platinum.

Make 10 different accounts and hit all four buttons on them and never come back or even think about Kentosium until you do so. I want to see you put your flyers up saying it. I want to walk up to strangers and say it. The heart button changes the icon so that the heart is red. It does that permanently. So you're, like, favoriting the page, I guess? Perhaps.

Perhaps. I mean, I'm looking at it in Brave, so I'm assuming that, like, some sort of thing is, like, in the middle of it. I realize that I'm logged in as Rick Ross Daily, so I'm assuming that some sort of thing is in the middle of it. I realize that I'm logged in as Rick Ross Daily, so... I guess I could retweet it as Rick Ross. What you up to today, Rick Ross? Oh, glad you asked.

Let me just look and make sure... Oh, looks like I'm hustling. Oh, good. Thanks for asking. Appreciate it. Oh, maybe I should invest in some sound dampening if I'm going to continue to do this. Are you going to upset your musician upstairs?

Look, that fucker got a drum machine and I feel this is just revenge. You know what? If my daughter can handle it, so can your fucking neighbors. What did we learn from any of this, F+,? I still have no idea. I feel like all the information about whether or not we have enough DMT or we have too much or we need to get more or we need to supplement or we need to stare at the sun. I'm very confused about my requirements for DMT at this point. Drugs are everywhere, but not everywhere.

And we need more, but less of them. And we can get it, but we can't get it. It's the Chinese fire drill of spiritual awakening. I learned he was from Yale five times and 12 times total in the document. Yeah. I knew the thing about DMT going in because I definitely had met a man once

who was unpleasant, who was telling me that fact about the brain thing, and I looked it up, and I'm sure it's right. I don't know. It's as right as I cared to research. Sounds fine. But that is... I think that's, like, his primary fact, right?

Is that, like, like so many chemicals that exist in the human body, like, this is one that does in a very small amount, and so therefore it's the only thing that matters right yeah like it is the origin of his entire universe it does appear to be correct right and and that's kind of mean, that's a little bit enviable, right? Like, isn't it enviable to think that, like, somewhere out there, like, you know, because this isn't, this isn't, this isn't, this is similar to boner theory, but a little bit different. Because, like, because, like, somebody, somewhere out there, somebody took a drug and went, boo. And then, and then it seemed like they were just in. Like, they were just like, this is great.

That's the rest of my life. Hooray. Everything. Like, I've definitely, you know, dropped mushrooms and had extremely profound thoughts. Allegedly. That, you know, that died off along with all of my emotions for the 24 hours following. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it is weird that he was able to

maintain that motivation afterwards. Or maybe it was some sort of addiction loop where, as you say, these thoughts and these emotions drained out and he was like, fuck, shove more DMT in there. Keep going. I don't want to try to guess at his actual status of having schizophrenia or not. But this feels like just DMT grown at the very least.

Because even the last thing I read it was like very simple and whatever and then just fucking bust into like a whole paragraph of caps about making sure you fucking like his post yeah I think like one of the things and this is maybe just about proximity because like last night I

watched a bunch of that Nixxiom documentary on HBO and like you know thatom documentary on HBO and like, and like, you know, that's obviously like evil and like, and like stuff was bad and people were victimized. And this is not the case with Chris Cantelmo.

Like he's just somebody that like writes things on the internet. They're crazy. And that's fine. And that's great. Except for like with this form of like forward, like forward thinking narcissism, if he actually had a cult, bad things would happen.

He spent all that money on Reddit coins to hand out to people, so... So, net gain for humanity. And if you want a net gain for humanity, you can watch 24 Terrible Hours, a.k.a. Garbage Day, a.k.a. Garbage Year, a.k.a. other things as well.

It's probably on Twitch, the F Plus Twitch channel. Probably. But if it's not, then it's on the website, T-H-E-F-P-L. Dot U-S. Bye. There's a gateway in our minds that leads somewhere out there far beyond this

plane we're reptile aliens made of light cut you open pull out all your pain tell me how you make illegal

Something that I'll make and I'll pray Some say you might go crazy Then again it might make you go insane guitar solo