The F Plus - 349: Erotic Stories of Mind Control

Episode Date: March 11, 2021

I don't know what you'd expect when visiting MC Stories Dot Com, but what you'll end up with is a minimalist website hosting over 12,000 stories of mind control being used for sexual reasons. Some of these stories are very long, but fortunately some are really weird, so let's dig in. This week, The F Plus is feeling electrahorny, so let's have sex... with each other!

Okay, we all ready? Yep. Are you going to throw away a bad one, or are you just going to get it right the first time? I mean, I'm going to. It's never my intention to throw away a bad one. It's like in tennis. Like, you take the first shot as hard as possible because you're allowed a fault. I wake you up in the middle of the night to express my love for you.

Stroke your skin and feel you. Naked I can feel all of you. You're getting horny. Very horny. Because this is the F Plus Podcast. A very erotic place with terrible things. Red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight we've got Boots Rangir.

The Xalaporn and Fuckenspiel Society. The subject of so many of your erotic dreams, Bunnybread. Please join us tonight on the History Channel as we tell you about the rise and fall of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee. The subject of some of your stranger erotic dreams, Kumquatsa. As she began licking, she tasted all of the sex that her partner had had that day. The hair was salty and clumped together. She couldn't help but be reminded of how Commander Data's cat would clean itself. For the very first time in a regular F Plus recording, we've got Shell Game. Go now, comrades, to the very nests of the bony ones, to their most private places,

and by the prophecy itself, we shall have our revenge. Anne Lemon, the race to erase lace with a mace in the face of grace. For grace. Ah! We never touch each other Every single fact We had together Is in a wondrous time-lapse With us here at this moment

Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hello. Hey, you're all doing fantastic. Oh, thank you. Great. All right. This has been fun.

Good. You're welcome. Finally. I'm glad that worked. You see, I have been spending my time on MCStories.com. Well, you're not doing fantastic, are you? It's got you there. No, no, no, no, no, no.

All of my successes have been gained by you. MCStories.com is the home of the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive. Well, duh. the Erotic Mind Control Story Archive. Well, duh. Uh, yeah. So, uh, this was a document given to us by Sinestro. Sinestro, we've had

at least one document from before. And the other person that helped make this document is named Ludwig Tittgenstein. Oh, excellent. With some assistance from King Calamari. But yeah, so the erotic mind control story archive, I'm going to tell you a little bit about it.

It boasts over 12,000 stories featuring bad writing, pitiful misogyny, gay dudes with intense fixations, a lot of men pretending to be lesbians, the word lickdown, and of course, mind control. Yeah, yeah. the word lickdown and of course, mind control. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, so,

uh, so we, there is, uh, as we were just, uh, just about to record, uh,

we found out that, uh, this site has not one, but two forums. Yeah. And we're not going to be going to either of them. We're not going to either of them. Uh,

there is both, uh, the MC forum and the garden of MC. Uh, they are two forums that run independently of each other, but Simon says that he does not run these message boards. So Simon just wants

you to know that. And the hosting is provided by Daphne's Fantasies. But we're going to start off... So we've got a lot of mind control stories in here and I'm sure that they're all really good and really erotic and really terrific. But the other thing that we know about I'm sure that they're all really good and really erotic and really terrific. But the other thing that we know about these stories

is that they're very long. And so what we're going to start off with is just some short snippets of some long stories. Great? Okay, fantastic. Okay, so Bunnybread, your name is Cactus Juggler. Can you please tell

me about your descent into lesbian tit slavery My personal descent? Okay I thought this was more of a group thing You need to know This group is all about sharing By sharing we can learn from each other I'll share and then you guys will tell your particular Maybe

No, it's gonna happen My descent into lesbian tit slavery by CactusJuggler. If this works out right, you will be never be free. You will be never be free. You will be never be free. You will be my helpless servant until the day you die, she gloated. And she smiled that most evil smile of hers.

She was insane. Spoilers. And I was at her mercy. She couldn't actually do this to me, could she? Why are doing this to me? I asked her. I like you, Sarah.

But this is a fantasy I've had for a long time. You are my slave. I can make you do anything I want. Do you have any idea how hot that makes me feel? My pussy gets wet just thinking about it about making you do things about humiliating you for my pleasure i can't pass this up it's a dream come true wow that's what they call a compliment sandwich yeah whatever you've done from me isn't going to last

it it'll wear off eventually i told her no no it won't you're addicted to my milk already wow Wow. People will notice i don't think you understand how much power you over you i have i have you shit i own you stated as much i thought i did several times i own you now i can make you do anything i want anything if i wanted to i could kill you and you wouldn't even try to stop me. I could make you commit suicide if I wanted to. Don't worry, though. I want you to be just fine.

Aww. None of that counters the fact that people would notice she's missing, but... Alright. Yeah, but she gives them all the milk, too. Oh! That is pretty powerful. Got lots of milk in these babies. We're here for Missing Persons Report. Yeah, no problem. them all the milk, too. Oh! That is pretty powerful. Got lots of milk in these babies. We're here for missing persons report.

Yeah, no problem. Suck these titties. Oh, okay. Never mind. You're going to be my servant, waiting on me night and day, slave to my every whim. And that means that you're going to spend a lot of time with your face in my cunt. That's fingers. That's where you get milk.

As a matter of fact get to work she ordered spreading her legs for me and then i was doing it it was almost like i was watching myself and licking her more than actually doing it myself my body wouldn't obey me at all even though i desperately wanted to jump up and run from there. My body just knelt there laughing at that pussy. Thank you. If I could summarize the three hottest words in the English language, they are get to work.

Hey Bunny Bread, I've given you a list of some other stories by Cactus Juggler. Could you read the titles of those please? Oh yeah, of course. If you liked lesbian tit slavery slavery you'll love clint nibbler also eve's enchanted ass so he's like the hamburglar no not quite there's also orwick davis you could do better

eve's enchanted ass my destruction so soft and bouncy ten doors and an exit and the power of titnosis Jesus Christ the power of titnosis so soft and bouncy um okay uh yes

uh so uh uh I'm looking here at a story uh written Okay, yes, so, come quads up. Uh-oh. I'm looking here at a story written by Rubber Marco, and it's called Made to Surrender. It's a fairly long story, but we have a summary of some of the best, in quotes, bits from Made to Surrender. My name is Rubber Marco, and I am here to explain to you why you are Made to Surrender. Maybe, I think. Maybe. As Marco, that's me.

Oh, that's like your name. No, this is different. He. No, you. Me? Me. As Marco exited the building, he became aware of the rubber harness and rubber plug, which was now fucking his arse with each step. However, he did not think anything of it. Only that was felt good and natural.

Except he did think anything of it because he just described it. He described it just now. That is me. That is he. it just now. That is me. That is he. On arriving home, Marco was beginning to feel his sexual

urge reassert itself. Well, okay. Yeah. This was not abnormal, as he would often masturbate up to five times a day. Don't masturbate correctly to five times a day. Okay, don't masturbate correctly.

Particularly when the potent smell of rubber was present. Well, isn't that convenient? Hmm. Is this why they call him Marco? Marco proceeded to go to his wardrobe and drag out a half dozen pairs of rubber boots of all shapes and sizes. That is quite the masturbation ritual.

Damn, bro. Five times a day! So he puts them back every time? Yeah, this is part of the ritual. This is necessary. He spread these all of the marital bed and began... Oh, is he married to these boots?

Yeah. Wait, hold on. Congratulations, boots. No, no, no. Hey, look at you. Well, I mean, there's him and there's like five others. He's kind of a... He's a brother-husband.

Yeah. He began to press his face into them. He then reached under the bed and pulled out a black gas mask, which he placed over his face. How is he supposed to smell the boots with a gas mask? Well, he sticks the nozzle. It's one of the World War I type, and so he sticks the nozzle into the boot. Oh, okay, okay. Marco Hips began

to move forward and back, increasing in speed. As he was fucking the boots under his cock, he became aware of the butt plug, which was pressing into the

cavern of his arse. Indiana Jones and the cavern of his arse. I remember that level in Goldeneye. It was pretty good. At this time, he let out an almighty groan

and exploded all over the boots on the bed. Like that guy in Scanners. Five times a day he does this. Get ready for this action I'm about to do.

He knelt up. Okay, okay, wait. Okay, I'm standing up. So, knelt up. Okay, okay, wait. Okay, I'm standing up. Okay, let me... So, so, so... Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. Did you have the boots spread out on your bed?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not as meticulous as this guy. I just leave him out. He knelt up and threw the gas mask, looked at his juices over the boots. In a trance

like state, he took off the gas mask and began to lick the boots clean. He did not... Oh, this is what bootlicker means. I see. Yeah. He did not know why, but he felt as if he needed to clean the boots with his tongue and taste the juices of a man, albeit himself.

Wow. Wow. You are a human sex person. That's me. Marco disrobed and had a shower before going to bed. After his shower, Marco dried himself and went into the bedroom and picked up the rubber harness. He proceeded to put it back on as if it was completely natural. As if. He does this five times a day, folks. Why, wouldn't it be?

The phone rang and Marco went over to pick it up, thinking it may be his wife who was away. At the other end, Damien said RUN RUN RULES! And Marco replied, Yes, Master! I am here to serve! Damien added, When you dream tonight, you will vaguely remember

your initiation into rubber enslavement. Yes, Master, I understand. Oh, this also occurred to me. You'll begin to dream about serving rubber men and you feel it's completely natural. Yes,

Master, I understand. Good. Marco, I'm placing down the phone. You'll remember only what I have told you to remember. Yes, Master, I understand. Okay. Hang up the phone now.

Yes, Master! Yay! But did he understand? Yeah. He didn't tell him explicitly to remember that shit. Yeah, he didn't tell him explicitly to remember that shit Yeah he didn't tell him to give him All his resources in civilization either

Yeah Shell game Yes I've spent a lot of my life humiliating and mocking sea cucumbers. Yeah. Because I knew that. That was pretty rude of you. Yeah.

Yeah. That was what I did. I just sort of mocked sea cucumbers. Because I never thought that they would have their revenge. Oh, you should have thought twice. That does lead to a story, just so you know. Does it? Does it?

Are you perhaps talking about Revenge of the Sea Cucumbers Imprisoned by Interstitial? No, he's talking about the other one. Oh, sorry about that. It's one of the many sea cucumber revenge stories that have been provided to us in this documentary. There's revenge of the sea cucumbers, too.

Cucumbers in paradise. That was a good one. The walls of her prison were transparent. Crawling with her suckers, Holothur explored every inch of their sheer vertical faces. There was no apparent exit. Frustrated, she scanned the prison. There were some stupid-looking fish

meandering back and forth through fronds of seaweed and coral. Fucking idiot fish. Dumbass fish face. Her fellow prisoners offered Holothor no comfort. They could not receive even the simplest of her mind signals. Worse, they thought nothing, remembered nothing. Every time she spoke to them, she had to reintroduce herself. She had tried to rally them to revolt against the bony ones, but they simply gawped at her, not understanding their captivity. Holothur turned her attention to the room in which the prison stood.

The bony ones were sat on some kind of large seat watching the prison. The dark-haired one had its arm around the yellow-haired one. They were barely dressed. Why were the bony ones so obsessed with tubes, two legs, two arms, two eyes, two ears, two chest domes? It was a ghastly state of affairs. Those chest domes are ghastly! The stupid fish were no better, really. Holothur proudly considered the pure beauty of her own five-fold symmetry.

The dark-haired one began to kiss the other, and Holothur watched, appalled, as they pressed against each other in a nightmarish tangle of limbs. Were they... mating? against each other in a nightmarish tangle of limbs. Were they mating? Oh, for horror! Holothur turned all five of eyes away and contemplated

her fate. There must be a way out of here. Beyond chest dome! She crawled up the vertical surface of the wall, seeking egress. Go away! go away, she thought. The bony one spoke. Let's take this to the bedroom, Sal.

Hell yeah. She heard movement behind her as the bony one left the room. Good, her mental nudge had worked. Resolutely, Holothurgenist all thoughts of the horrific scenes that must ensue. Yeah, pretty much. Yay! she had glimpsed an alarming aperture of some sort between the legs of the yellow haired one girl give it an aperture poppin handstand

it was too much to contemplate with a fierce determination she began to nudge at the roof of the prison using all her strength she pushed she felt her podia sliding against the wall and gripped harder. Push, Holothur!

And at last, the roof began to give. A crack, an opening. Wider now, she flattened her flexible body as thin as she could and edged herself through the gap and out into freedom.

Thus, revenge. Oh, wow. I mean... No, and then revenge happens later. Okay. I always wondered what the acronym WAP stood for, and I still don't know, but now I know that the A stands for Aperture.

Aperture, yeah. I'm going to read a story, but in this story, Boots, you're going to be Reverso. Yes. And Shell, you are going to be Dynamo Girl. Oh. Okay. All right. Fantastic.

So this is called Metamorphosis of the Evil Lesbians. Ooh. Part two of two. My name is Rinky Dink. Is this into sea cucumbers or from sea cucumbers? Maybe they're

turning into straight women. So let me set the scene. Electrified woman was now hogtied and naked lying on her own bed. Dynamo girl had used to the electrosh Shield to crush the air out of her lungs, and she had briefly

passed out, giving Dynamo Girl and Reverso time to tie her up. Dynamo Girl at the moment was wearing a strap-on and plunging it, again and again, into Electrified Woman's asshole as she cackled with glee, while below her, Reverso was hungrily

lapping away at Electrified Woman's pussy. Electrified Woman had a ball gag stuffed into her mouth. She tried to mumble some sort of protest originally, particularly when she saw the length of Dynamo Girl's dildo. But now, in the third hour of this result on her bum and slit, of her bum and slit, she was reduced to sighs and moans. On her bum. Good. And slit. Of her bum and slit. She was reduced to sighs and moans. A series of quick moans by Electrified Woman signaled yet another oncoming orgasm.

And her body soon began vibrating. Dynamo Girl and Reverso withdrew from her holes and watched the show with wide grins. What's this? Her sixth orgasm since we started? Said Reverso, whose face was already covered with electrified woman's pussy juice. Yeah, she was really electro-horny. But like I told you,

we didn't get much action doing what we did. Said Dynamo Girl as she planted a big kiss on Reverso's lips. That's why I'm so glad you turned me into a sex-loving lesbian. Make that an evil sex-loving lesbian. Spreading evil and having sex with other women is a great way to live. I can't even remember why I didn't want to have sex before. It seems so stupid.

Said Reverso. Being a slut, particularly a lesbian slut, is so much fun. And I think it's time speaking of lesbian sluts. Your slaves did their bit here. Said Dynamo Girl. When Electrified Woman is finished, boy, she's taken a long time with this orgasm. We'll tie her spread eagle to the bedpost and let them get licking her. An exhausted Electrified Woman could not put up a fight as the two newly minted villains retied her to her new position.

Reverso got Allie and Jodi, who had been busy having sex themselves, into the room. Okay, here's the deal, said Reverso. Allie, you stimulate the breasts, Jody the pussy, and then after a couple hours, reverse. Oh my god. And, oh, your mistress will be displeased

until you get her to have at least ten orgasms in the next six hours. Yes, mistress, we are away! Perfect, perfect. Said Allie and Jody. As they left the room, Reverso said, Hey, evil dynamo girl, what are we gonna do now?

Well, I'm certainly still Electra hot for some action. Said dynamo girl with a smile. I'm certainly still Electra hot for some action said Dynamo Girl with a smile let's have sex with each other whoa awesome I love your thinking evil Dynamo Girl she changed her name

I don't I don't care for Gwar's new direction I mean I'm sure the stage shows are still fun but I don't care for Gwar's new direction. I mean, I'm sure the stage shows are still fun, but... Okay, okay. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Okay, okay. Boots Rangir, your name is Thom21. It's a pretty short story. Thom, T-H-O-M 21. That's Tom. Yes, but I chose to pronounce it Thom. Thom21. Okay, Thom21.

Okay. Exactly. It's a pretty short story, but it's pretty great. All right, so Accident of the Mind, two of two. Mm-hmm. All right. Accident of the Mind, two of two by me tom thom 21 i awoke to my second full day of my new post lightning strike life full oh my god that is a sentence i awoke to my second full day of my new

post lightning strike life full of joy and anticipation. Perfect. Yep. There was so much I wanted to do, but first I had to mentally awaken. I headed for my favorite cuff house, Java Joe's. It was a beautiful summer day in town, and many gorgeous shirtless hunks walked by my table outside the coffee

house. One particularly gorgeous stud walking by with his girlfriend in hand noticed me glance at him and noticed my rainbow flag hat which was like a hat with like a giant rainbow flag on top yeah shooting out of it an actual rainbow you gotta read that lemon uh what the fuck are you looking at faggot go fuck your dog he! He yelled as they passed by me. I just couldn't let him get away with talking to me like that, so I sent out my first

mental projection for the day. You were a dog, so start acting like one! The stud dropped down on all fours and began barking. His girlfriend screamed at him to stop fucking around. Little did she know that he really believed he was a dog.

I think she'd do that though, right? A cop in tight bicycle shorts approached to see what the problem was. Sniff and lick the cop's ass. My obnoxious doggy stud began doing as instructed and his girlfriend ran away crying My obnoxious doggy stud began doing as instructed, and his girlfriend ran away crying, and the cop desperately tried to get in front of him to stop the... Do?

Sorry? Get in front of him to stop the ass licked. In front of him? That doesn't sound like it would stop it. Tried to get in front of him to stop the ass licked. Is this the standard uniform for this cop? The tight bicycle shorts? Yes.

Okay. He was very agile and athletic, and the cop had a very difficult time getting him under control. Then the doggy stud bit the cop. Just as backup was arriving, I returned him back to normal he could remember everything but had no explanation for his actions as the cops took him away just to make sure every everything turned out okay i sent a command to the cops to fuck him before releasing him with a warning i sent a final command to the stud to be more understanding of people in search of gay friends okay having vented my anger i gave him the choice of trying to get back together with his girlfriend or seek out a boyfriend later that afternoon i saw him walking by the coffee house again holding hands with the cop whose ass he had licked earlier in

the morning go figure wow cool uh okay uh i need to scroll back up to this one how is that an accident of the mind exactly i believe being struck by lightning and having mental powers is probably the oh that's the answer no no i think i think that tom's mind wet itself. Oh, okay. Okay, so this next one, I'm going to scroll back up a little bit. This is a story or a bit of a story by

me-chan. And Bunnybread, sort of everything that's in quotes belongs to you, alright? Everything, okay, mine If you teach them the S of British English Oh, I'm sorry, we need to be British now, don't we?

Yes, yes, yes, you are British Oh, thank you Thank you all for gathering here This is me, Chan, again But if you teach them the S of British English as well Thank you. Thank you all for gathering here. This is me, Chan, again. But if you teach them the S of British English as well, they'll have the option to keep them focused on something interesting. Reciting my list of words is fun,

especially with words I happen to be studying, like analyze, tranquilize, hypnotize, mesmerize. There's that lovely hissing-esque sound that might remind one of snakes. Surely one of the most fascinating qualities. And you know when people do it, they end it with a word of their choosing, a planned word, or even something that surprises them. So I'll go over my list. Tilly soothingly recited her list, and pointed out each S. Soften.

Another nice word to say, appropriate at that. I'm tempted to do it again, just to see what word I come up with next. Recite the list again, Tilly certainly did. That's how I chose to write that. And that's not even the end of the sentence. Recite the list again, Tilly certainly did, watching his eyes follow the pencil and list of words drowsy but focused on the next word she'd come up with. Suckum. Yeah.

You know, just so you know, Americans don't spell it zuckum. Maybe you don't. These are wonderfully witty words. Yes. Interesting, warming, wrapping sort of feeling attached to that word What might I think of next After colonize Colonize

Analyze Modernize Colonize Sophoric Sophorific excuse me Easily letting the night call To our senses for rest. Now, doesn't the S sound like an important learning tool to you?

Tilly's voice never rose an octave higher once she dropped it, and she figured that it would drop him off, but he still tried answering her. Still not convinced? Well, let's do one more comparison. I know it's hard to keep saying those words, but feel better knowing it's the last time. You'll have to say them anytime soon. Just look here and follow along.

Come on, Vern. Well, okay, so Vern yawned before he started speaking slack-jawed even slower than the pencil highlighted the Zs. It was a struggle for him to even finish, pausing every so often to correctly pronounce each word.

Very good, Vern! Those Zs really get you. As if any word ending with eyes is a heavy burden. Eyes so heavy on your mouth and the rest of you. Horribly tinny words, yes. Wanting to put the

eyes to rest? You can soon. Just let me finish the comparison and it will be all over. Colonize. Analyze. Yeah, you went through that one already. Yeah, we heard that one. Prioritize.

The eyes have it. Hypnotize. Capitalize. Tranquilize. Mesmerize. Finalize. Sleep. Biggie, biggie, Finale, sleep. Biggie, Biggie, Biggie, can't you see?

Tilly watched Vern carefully, loving how his, his eyes looked like they were grateful to finally close, and how peaceful he looked resting his head on the bar. From a distance, he probably looked like any random drunk, or a lightweight that got knocked out from the almost-finished beer next to him. From behind the bar, he looked like a passed-out infant. Wait. Drowned to the drool on the table. She wanted to chastise him for that, but it's not like he planned to end up that way.

So, Vernon. You have much to learn about British English. How to use it. Where to use it. Even to realize how it's really the British English. How to use it. Where to use it. Even to realize how it's really the correct English. And not just being another arrogant wanker thinking

you know it best. It's pronounced the same. I mean, they spell it with S's, but it's still the same word. It's still pronounced analyze. Ooh, I don't think so. Please don't say analyze. No, but if you do make a mistake, you have to use an eraser. No, it's a rubber. God damn it.

Oh, no. You put those on your feet when it's raining. You have Tilly to do that thinking for you now. Good day. Thanks, Tilly. Thanks, Tilly. That was on a bar? One of the last sections or one of the last stories in this section.

Kumquatsop. Oh, yes. Hello. Yes. So, Kumquatsop, your name is Sleepytime Slut. Oh, my goodness. Yep. Yep.

So, you're the Sleepytime Slut, and I just want you to do part one of three of Magic Cock. Hello, it's Magic Cock. I'm sleepy time slut. Yay! Yay! Samson Berkeley doesn't technically outrank me, but his office has always been bigger than mine. And, well, he sure likes to act like my supervisor sometimes. He'd recently moved into a corner office, and I assumed he just wanted to gloat.

He was leaning against his desk in a dark suit, and I tried to read his expression. He wasn't angry. Kind of smug. After a moment, I shut the door. Is... Is everything alright? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. Just a precaution. This is a secret. I want to show you something. Ooh, alright. He stood and without warning started to pull down his zipper. My eyebrows went up in

shock, but before I had managed more than... He had reached in, fumbled around in his pants, and pulled out his cock. It flopped out like a tube sock full of sand yay

now we're jerking tube sock full of sand this is someone who's handled a lot of cocks this is a bean bag it was at least ten inches long and it was almost impossibly thick even in its semi-limb form.

It lay along his pant leg like the trunk of a baby elephant. My noises of disbelief or protest died away in my throat as I stared at it. This is a gender swap of the 40-year-old virgin. Yeah, no, that's the full sand. Yeah, exactly. Well, I'll'll be damned it works on you too His voice Seemed to come from far away My focus was

Fully on this cock His phallus was Majestic It was The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen its skin was darker than i would have expected several shades darker than sam's hands or face i've never given a thought to another man's cock but now this incredible piece of meat filled my vision making everything else in my periphery fade. You got cock-eyed. That is one well-done cock.

Hey, come quiet. Oh, hello. I've given you a list of some other titles of stories by Sleepytime Slut. Could you read those to us? All cocks are daddy's cock! Yay! Chocolate fog! Backseat backbeat.

Quantum brainwashing. A year with Santa Claus. No. And my favorite. Sex critary yeah oh that works so well yeah sex critary

sex critary prepare for her sexcretion sex critary of the sexcrement okay so we're all ready for some political fiction, right? Yeah. Hell yeah. Okay, so Boots, you're going to start, and this story is called A Hard Brexit.

Oh no. Oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. I will tag you out at some point. Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I will tag you out at some point. Okay, okay. By HypnoThrill. I am one of the many who make

up HypnoThrill. This is a hard Brexit. At least... You also wrote Nuthuggers and Bolshoi Papa. Of course I did. At least England was in the

semifinal, Roy thought, popping open a can of lager and sitting down on the sofa to watch the next match. Everything else might be going to shit. He might be losing his job next week, but at least England was in the semifinals of the European Championship.

Against Poland, no less. Bloody Poles. That sounds like foreshadowing. Oh, dear. Roy took a swig of his lager as he thought about how sweet it would be to watch the English team crush them. The bloody Poles coming over here and stealing english jobs roy could hardly walk down the street without hearing one of them jabbering away in a foreign language whatever language it is that they speak yeah brexit don't know brexit was supposed to get rid of them

that's the main reason roy had voted leave but it seemed like most of them were still around. Roy shuddered at the thought of losing his job, having to compete with those bloody Poles for low-paying work, stocking the shelves at Tesco or Summit. This is a well-written character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is so fucking British. Oh, my God.

He's deep fried. I wonder if some sort of comeuppance is going to happen. Probably not. He's just going to mind his own business for a while. Roy could feel himself getting agitated. This couldn't be good for his heart. He just needed to calm down and focus on the match. He got out his mobile and texted Liam, his 20-year-old son.

Where are you? Match is starting. Down at the local with Baz and Tariq watching it on the big screen. Tariq? How dare you? Typical. Just typical for Liam to ditch his dear old dad like that. The man who'd raised him.

Raised him all alone for the past 10 years. Roy was about to sink into self-pity when the match started. 15 minutes in, he was on the edge of his seat. No one had scored yet, but it looked like England was getting close. Just one. Oh, my God.

Do it, Boots. Skrr! Skrr! Skrr! See, you pronounced that very well with the British accent, too. Thank you. God, what pronounced that very well with the British accent, too. Thank you. God, what was that noise?

That squelching, piercing, buzzing noise suddenly coming from the TV set? Roy reached over through remotes to see if he could mute it, but it was hard to move. He could barely move a muscle. He could barely stretch his arm. It felt like he was freezing. Oh, no. Freezing in place. Did Ray William Shatner write this?

Frozen in the front of the TV set. Staring at the TV set. Listening to that squelching, piercing sound penetrate his brain. Macerate his brain. Wow. Turn it into mush. Keep calm and relax. The words flashed on the screen in the familiar logo.

Keep calm and watch the telly. Roy felt some of his panic abate. He couldn't move. He was paralyzed, but maybe that was okay. He should just relax and watch the telly. Keep calm, men, and obey these words. He should just relax and focus on reading the screen, reading the very important messages he needed to obey. Oh.

Keep calm, men, and remove your trousers. Hey. Hello, hello, hello. Misses. Roy felt that he could move his arms and legs again, but he made no effort for the remote control and turned off the TV set. Instead, he lifted his hips slightly and calmly slid his football shorts down and around his ankles. Keep calm, men, and remove your underpants! They just call it pants. Come on now, dammit. Well, Roy lifted his hips again and calmly slid his white cotton briefs down around his ankles,

leaving him wearing just an England football jersey, naked from the waist down. Like Winnie the Pooh. Keep calm, men, and anticipate your reprogramming. Oh, bother. You know, Roy found himself thinking about his reprogramming. Reprogramming. Oh, bother. You know, Roy found himself thinking about his reprogramming. Reprogramming. Reprogramming. The word bounced through his empty mind.

Reprogramming. Delineates. Doesn't sound like a word anymore. Huh. He didn't quite know what it was, but he knew he was looking forward to it. Keep calm, men, and stroke yourselves as you await your reprogramming.

It's been a while since we put on a shirt. Just be arranged in the keep calm and carry on. Keep calm, men, and stroke yourselves as you wait for reprogramming. Yeah, 100%. I don't know, the next one seems pretty good, too. Oh, you know what? Actually, the next one is better. So hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

We got revisions to the design. Reprogramming? Something about that word was making Roy so horny. So horny he just had to reach down and stroke his uncut dick. Just sit on the sofa and stroke as he awaited his reprogramming. Keep calm, men, and comply with the orders of the reprogramming squad. Dang! They'd be coming along soon enough to assist him in his reprogramming. For now, all Roy needed to do was sit and stroke.

Just sit and stroke and obey and comply and await reprogramming. The squelching, buzzing noise wasn't quite so loud anymore, but Roy could still hear it running through his head maybe he had always heard it running through his head through through his head sorry uh uh so a few moments later all the things he said all the things he said so a few moments later he could hear the knock hear the knock at the door and the voice barking, Reprogramming squad, all men inside must report to the front door. Stepping out of his shorts and underwear, Roy walked to the front door, his erection leading the way.

He opened it to find two muscular men in skin-tight white spandex bodysuits with the three lion's crest emblazoned on the way. He opened it to find two muscular men in skin-tight white spandex body suits with the three lion's crest emblazoned on the chest. One of them pointed at the minibus parked at the end of the road. Walk into the minibus and sit down on one of the plugs. Keep calm and we will transport you to the reprogramming center. One man per plug. Roy obeyed the man's orders and walked to the bus as the reprogramming squad moved next door and knocked on his neighbor's door. The minibus was nearly full of men, all gyrating in their seats as they stared at the flashing monitors above each seat. Roy took the first available seat he could find,

beside Whithold, a Polish builder, in his early thirties, who lived further down the street. Taking me jobs. He could see that Whittle was squirming and moaning, his large erection bouncing against his Poland football jersey. Taking me erections. Before he sat down, Ray glanced up at the monitor.

Keep calm, Ben, and sit on the butt plug. It's good that he's keeping calm in all of this. on the butt plug. It's good that he's keeping calm in all of this. He glanced down at the butt plug protruding from his seat then gingerly lowered himself on top of it.

Keep calm men and submit to penetration. It was painful at first but Roy tried to relax his hole and submit to the penetration. Keep calm, men, and enjoy the stimulation. Can I tag it in, please? Submit to penetration! Enjoy the stimulation!

After a moment, Roy began to enjoy it. Yeah, there we go. This butt plug was in his prostate, right? If he moved just right, swiving his hips, bouncing up and down on it, he could get the stimulation he fucking craved. Soon, Roy and Vittles were moving in sync,

squirming and moaning as the butt plugs hit their pleasure centres. They barely noticed when the bus started moving. Once they got the reprogramming centre, what up until that afternoon had been the local community centre, Roy and Witold had to queue up for their turn on one of the reprogramming machines, right? So luckily, there were lots of television, excuse me, telemonitors. They could watch to advise them to keep calm and keep stroking as a cue slowly move forward. Finally, Roy was later one of these reprogramming machines, right?

Fitting with a virtual reality helmet. That's not what the butt plug is, I thought. Okay. What? I just, I, this is a lot, this takes a lot to get to the actual reprogramming. I don't know what the butt plug, how did that involve? There's reprogramming machines at the end. Yeah.

So it seems like a lot of ceremony before the actual reprogramming. Butt plugs are fun, mate. It's called foreplay. Yeah. So anyways, he's fitted with a virtual reality helmet and a matching butt plug. They're both, you know, nice neon green. And a fleshlight-shaped erectile coupler that kept his prostate and dick stimulated throughout his reprogramming roy sat there for nearly an hour

absorbing all his programming learning what his new role would be learning how he would serve his country with pride it turned out he was to be a polishman the end A Polishman. The end. So, so, uh, I felt like, I mean,

at the, at the beginning, it felt like obvious satire, but then, uh, I think the, uh, the author got a little bit too lost in his own boner to remember what he was trying to do trenchant satire about. Yeah. I mean, I

did what I could to bring it back. It's just... Boots, you found a little excerpt from another one of this author's stories. Yeah, Hypnothrower was a story called Nuthuggers, which is a bit of a horror story. Yeah, here's a line from it.

Easily scary. The two crewmen with the rifles trained under Captain Walsh on with wonderment as the newborn master penetrated his ball sack, then worked its way up to his asshole. Oh. Wow.

Are you sure that's Nuthuggers and not Newthuggers? Oh, could be. Yeah. Fair. This is the New huggers and not new thuggers. Oh, good. Fair. Fair point. This is the new thuggers. New thugs in harmony, yeah. Yeah, I think that's equally likely.

Yeah, well, you know. Okay, so very last thing here. Very, very last thing is called Joey Makes Varsity. It's a story by Against My Will, and it is longer than we need it to be. And then, Boots, if you'll actually take this from

And Then the Smell Hit Him. And then the smell hit him. And it was just lilacs. The end. Right. And then the smell hit him. It was just lilacs, the end. Right. And then the smell hit him again, stronger than last time. And it was all over for Joey. He crumpled like a rag doll to the ground.

And on his way down, the orgasm hit him like a load of bricks. He started spasming on the floor, moaning. Is he okay? Someone yelled from the back. Someone rushed in to look. But once anyone got within one feet of Joey, his concern for the bodybuilder team faded, replaced by a more pressing concern for his own throbbing erection. concern for his own throbbing erection the smell wafting off of joey pulled every boy near him into a sexual haze and soon he wasn't the only one coming in his pants students further this is that scene from uh stand by me um students further away saw what was happening and fled in fear

soon word of the incident got around and students regarded joey still with a good deal of ah oh time has passed now okay but also a bit of terror too the story turned to legend within an hour and joey not knowing what else to do fled to his safe haven have you ever heard the story of the kid who who just writhed on the gym floor and just jizzed everywhere. He never stopped jizzing. They say he jizzes to this very day. Wow, he sounds like the coolest. I bet I could jizz more than him.

What's the matter, Joey? Coach Peshkin looked at him with uncharacteristically sympathetic eyes. Coach, I don't know what the fuck is going on. I swear to God my, I mean, this seems impossible, but I swear one of my nips has given off something. I don't know what. It's really

fucked up. It makes people do weird things. I like that. I like that thing. The coach would walk in on this and go, what's going on? Would you stop? Oh, Jesus. Oh, Joey.

That's just a side effect. That's just a side effect of some of the supplements I have you on. Nothing to worry about. Oh, yes, we should take care of it in here so we don't have any more incidents like that one. Boots, I'm so sorry to interrupt you, but Kumquat's Up was looking at a story called... Ah! Breasts!

It's by Killer Whale Zeus. Yep, definitely a story that ends up at the top of an alphabetized list. Ah, breasts! And, Kumquat, you have a little excerpt from this, right? By the time Kylie reached a stable orbit, her breasts were the size of two large houses. So big, in fact, that the scientists were able to set up base camp on her chest. Although, they did lose John when he fell down a crevasse. No high hails, bellowed Kylie.

Each step on her gigantic floating breasts was like a little jolt of sexual energy that was pulsed straight into her brain, and then into her crotch. I'm imagining this like a God of War

boss stage. Yes, yes, yes. The fact that she was in orbit meant that the energy from the sun hit her breasts in larger quantities and more powerful doses. She could feel her breasts growing every second. And it was not long before she was a person attached to two tits so large they rivaled the moon! And this is what they want with the Green New Deal. Are her breasts filled with chlorophyll?

I want to play the new Katamari game. Her breasts are just ripped off. What have you brought me? Ew! I want to play the new Katamari game. What have you brought me? Ew! So the very last thing we have here in the document is a list of titles. We've got some titles from stories from the Mind Control Archive and some summaries thereof. So take it, Boots. Absolute Power power warlord by

warlord abraham lincoln said it best nearly all men can stand adversity but if you want to test a man's character give him power see how young billy handles this test as he confronts the others who have their own power okay all right all right and against gay marriage by darfall walt ross was firmly gay marriage until someone changed his mind then he was softly gay marriage alice through the lusting glass oh i like that very much. By Captain Easy. Presumably Easy E got promoted. Yeah. No-nonsense tax inspector Pamela Harnett is out to nail Alice's man about his tax return.

And she gets nailed in return. Hey, what's going on guys? My name's The Wrestler Oh, I misspelled my name. But my name's supposed to be The Wrestler I misspelled my name though, sorry about that. I'll make sure to not do that again, okay? Sorry about

misspelling my name. So I wrote 6,736 words and my story is called The Altar Oh, fuck. I misspelled that too. I'm sorry, guys. Or did you? I'm so sorry, guys. Rich is straight

but his alternate personality likes guys and it's tired to being kept in the shadows. Bad Santa takes control but I'm the slaver. Two police officers are compelled to obey a man in a tight, red, rubber

Santa bondage suit. That's true. All cops recognize Santa as a superior officer. Yes, sir! He's a district attorney. We got Battle Hookers, episode 2 The Good Witch, by The Green Goblin!

Kate struggles to cope with the aftermath of turning Jenny into a battle hooker. Her guilt worsens when it turns out Jenny's creation was unauthorized. Now Jenny must win her right to survive in the trials of sexual, of a sexual demigod.

Hey, hi! I'm Kate. Hey, Kate. Oh, you're fun. I like you. I want you to come over to my house. Hey, Kate, how come every time I invite you over, my poppers are always stolen? I don't know.

You should probably talk about someone that isn't doing that. It's probably you that's stealing. I'm stupid. Yeah, no, you're right. It must be me. You're stupid. Yeah, no, you're right. It must be me. You're dumb. Anyways.

Beating the... Christmas Rush. Christmas Rush. I said Christmas Rush. A perfect world... You took three poppers right there. A perfect world Christmas. Shut up.

You did it. Shut up. Where Santa stuffs more than stockings. And anyone that turns their back on an elf really is a fool. Deck the dungeon halls and avoid the parallel-a-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la Paralilalala? You heard me. Avoid the paralilalala. Did I fucking stutter? Lali-lu-li-lo. During this season of giving,

you better lock up your girlfriends and wives because everyone's doing their best to get on that night list. Dare you accept a cup of good shit only at your own Pural in a perfect world during this special whole winky

day. Talk about my asshole. Kate, that's not wine, that's soy sauce. Stop drinking. It gets me fucked up regardless. Hello, hello, hello, My name is Text Trance. I am talking to you about building a better Becky.

Did you know a current ethnic slur for a cute and perky young white woman is a Becky? Did you know that? That is hurtful. That's a hurtful ethnic slur. A lesbian-leaning Becky

appeals to women of color for help remodeling her life, and they decide to answer her plea while taking her advantage of her in fun ways. RuPaul will make a show out of this. Before we proceed, come by. Oh, yes? Could you read a few titles by Captain Easy that I provided for you? Alice Sin Wonderland. Yeah, dude.

That's some Rob Zombie shit right there. Honey Porter and the Queer Bitch Match match mab about the boy i don't even get that one i don't either sea dogs of the bare caribbean okay this is just yeah the slitherers in the crevices the penises in the holes i have no idea i like assume it's supposed to be a parody but i cannot comprehend what it is it's rock climbing snakes oh yeah okay oh yeah i've seen 72 hours i have a story i want to share with you oh who are you yeah yeah yeah oh it doesn't matter what my name is because my story is

Case of the Cum Brains. Victor has a case of the cum brains. He sure does. Until he gets better, he's going to lose IQ points whenever he comes. Lucky for him,

his friend Gail is pretty understanding about it. And since Victor insists he's fine, Gale is going to send over all the pictures and videos of her sexy new cosplays. Oh, God. Wow. You're fucking. Bye, Callie. Oh, okay.

Kira and her succubus girlfriend try out something a little unusual. What's that? I don't know if you guys know what it is. Holding hands. Oh, yeah, you might be onto something there. Fart sniffing feminists. Mark has something to demonstrate to Amanda back at his frat house. You might be out of something there. Fart sniffing feminists. Mark has something to demonstrate to Amanda back at his frat house.

This is the shortest story so far. That's a good fart. Goodbye. Hi, hi. My name is Tom Guns. I want to talk about a forgotten place. Oh. Hey. That's our brave night. I just want to talk about a forgotten past. Oh. Hey, that Diver Brave Knight must resist the temptations of the dreaded diaper dimension. Woo, buddy.

Ooh, dang. That's some busy diaper-y. Woo. Hi, my name is Pleaser. I'm here to talk to you about Garamond Special Limited Italic All Cups. Okay, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Lemon's here. What do you got? A woman is compelled to do anything that is written out in a special computer font. Okay, so, Boots, why don't you take the rest of the episode? I'm just going to be over you.

Hey, turn off your mic. I got this. It's fine. I'll be back. This isn't going to be like last time. Just turn off the fucking mic Control P to print Oh sorry

I was distracted for some reason Hello yes I'm Madame Kistelot Madame Kistelot I'm Madame Kistelot I doubt it. A mother's love belongs to her daughter.

Oh, no. How a girl turned her mother into her robotic love slave. Oh. Okay. How do we need to know how? Just knowing that it happened is good enough for me. The summary is irrelevant. You know what?

I bet I've got the longest story on this site here okay okay okay my name's my name my name's odor banks okay this story is like 35 000 words long and this is the adventures of eggy remix book five and that's harem annette moves to la to try her luck in hollywood swimming pools movie stars liberated but lost thralls imprinting themselves on her magic leeches sorry magic leashes power lunches but first the whole gang takes a trip to nyc for a wild party celebrating the bestseller status of sam and Annette's book. Then three female PIs are hired to dig out Annette and her friend's secrets. Do they succeed? Sorry

Charlie. The Adventures of Eggie Remixed is, if I combine all of them, about 300,000 words. Wow. I can almost beat that. I have of them. About 300,000 words. Jesus. Wow.

I can almost beat that. I have 223,472 words. This is 4064, by the way. What the fuck? I'm going to write about something that's kind of branching out for me. You might not expect it, but... I guess it better be a really good subject. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I want to talk about anime. Anime con harem. I think I came when I said that. All right. This has been very difficult to write, believe it or not. After getting dumped by his girlfriend, Brian attends an anime convention with a special amulet. Moving on.

My name is Berzero Adband. I'm here to talk to you about Crossing the Rubicon. Oh, I love that sounds album. Yep. There are moments in a lifetime where with a single step, a line is crossed, a goal is achieved, a dream becomes a reality. Once that line is crossed, there's no going back to who or what you might have been before. This is such a journey for one person.

Hey, Kamkwazop, can you read the document submitter's notes for the story? Published over the course of 70 days in 2019, assuming it was written over a similar 70 days, that's more than 50,000 words a week.

Jesus. Good to have focus. Good to have focus. So yeah, so 525, 372 words. I can't imagine anybody writing more than that in a story. I doubt it. That's like the biggest number ever, right? I can't imagine.

That's probably the most anyone's probably ever written. Yeah, Stephen King ain't got shit on him. Anyway, so my name's Ross Sennep, and I'm tired. I'm a tired guy. So my story is called Tim the Teenage MC. I'm going to tell you a little bit about it. It's the epic story of a boy who discovers his power. That he's a mind control or that he's a main character?

No, no, no, no, no. He's an MC. Master of ceremonies, yeah. Oh, sorry, yes. Yeah, yeah. So Tim the Teenage MC is the epic story of a boy who discovers his power to control minds as he and his friends reach sexual maturity. I can't think of anything else to tell you about my story, Tim the Teenage. Do you have any questions about my story at all?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could you, um... What's the name of the protagonist over there? Give me a rough summary on how long it takes to tell said story? Well, um, yeah, so, oh, actually, it does contain 1,303,414 words. Oh, okay. That seems mildly excessive.

I'm going to, there's a time to read calculator. Well, let me have a question. What's a time to read calculator. Well, Lemon, I have a question. What was the time to write? Oh, oh, that's a great question. It took me, let's see, 11 years. Okay, all right. It took me 11 years to write the story.

Did you take potty breaks? Wait, wait, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Boots, are those from my book? Yeah, yeah, those are. Those chapters from your book. So mixed in with those 1.3 million words, you'll find chapter 13, part 19.

Good, Good. What? It's like you guys have never read a book before. Yeah, yeah, we have. We're stupid. So, uh, so chapter 13, part 19 is called Shit, It's a Family Reunion. Well, hello, everybody. I'm Sleepy Time Floyd.

Sleepy Time Floyd. We're back. Thank God. And this is my story called Bad Dog. Oh, good. His ex called him a mongrel and a bitch in heat when she caught him cheating. Now she's back to show him what happens to bad dogs who

need to be retrained. And to turn his life and his wife's upside down! No! Why don't you go ahead and take the next one, because I stole your spot earlier. Okay! Hi, I'm also a skates lad! Why don't you go ahead and take the next one, because I stole your spot earlier. Okay.

Hi, I'm also a skagelite. Ooh, yeah. Latex sentient. This voice is made for you. Latex sentient. Olive buys a new latex suit with a nice tax return. Olive definitely didn't expect the suit to be sentient. You and me, Olive.

Alright, so Boots, we're skipping you? Because I would like to skip you because I want this. Yeah, you can definitely take this one. I think this one belongs to you. Oh, oh my god! Wow! Hello. My name is Paladin.

I want to tell you about my story. Throckmorton P. Wienerdink rules the world! No, he demonstrably does not! I think you'll find he does. I have 5,165 words that shows exactly how he rules the world. This Parker Lewis remake is really weird. It's not that bad. It's not much weirder than the original.

Can Clarissa explain why this is? His name was Throckmorton P. Wienerdink. His name was Throckmorton P. Wienerdink. By the way, here's another story by the same author oh yeah oh my name is still paladin

yep it's time for teclon three in which loses something important. Also, I'd like to tell you about Lugnut Ludley. This is the origin story now. Lugnut Ludley won. Lugnut Ludley! Lugnut Ludley begins. Wait, I got one last one for you. Alright, baby.

Hey, it's your old friend Paladin back again I want to tell you about Marinara Hospital I'm Spot, Master Jason's dog I spent 20,000 odd words to tell you about K-9 unit Roy's brain is transplanted into robot dog, goodbye I spent 20,000 odd words to tell you about canine unit. You're a really talented dog.

Roy's brain is transplanted into robot dog. Goodbye. Okay. No, I don't. Bye. Spot, you don't have to be defined by your master. You're your own dog. Yeah.

That's right. Wait. I'm skipping that one because I want Nick Vegas' story Hillbilly Dominatrix On a drive through the deep south a man encounters kink serves southern style

Do bounty hunters dream of electric whips? No. By me, Consortium123456789. Once upon a time, she was Ariana Luscarelli, pride of the Lunar Wolves, the baddest soldier the galaxy had never known. Once upon a time, he was Cornelius Fisk,

new recruit to the Lunar Wolves, but earmarked for greatness. Once upon a time, in the hail of bullets and blood, she went rogue, her reasons unknown, leaving the wolves broken, and Cornelius seeking vengeance. Now, now, he has his vengeance, for she is bitchy. broken and Cornelius seeking vengeance. No! No. He has his vengeance for she

is bitchy and he is daddy and she is at his mercy. But his vengeance is not complete and he, however much she is

in his control, he still does not know why she turned on the wolves to begin with. Alright, well, at least we got through the Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. We're past the bad Philip K. Dick parody.

Thank you. Thank God. Thank you, God, we're past that. I'm here. I'm here to make up for this. My name's Zenos, and my story is called Through a Scanner Blankly. Fuck! The shit. A narcotics officer is fascinated by one of the drug users she's investigating.

That wasn't horny. So, like, she has to install new firmware to the scanner? Anyways, I'm broadband! Hey! Hey! I wanna get y'all horny! I wasn't horny before. This is like mad horny, man. Okay, Dick does get me real horny.

I'm gonna tell you about my story. I got 60,000 words dedicated to making you horny! Hey! In space, no one can hear you come. What? Oh, twist. Anyways, two astronauts, grounded by cutbacks

in the space program, decide to make a fantasy a reality. You'll never guess what the fucking fantasy is. They fuck. But that means they wouldn't be in space. Huh? Is there a story called I Have No Cock and I Must Jerk Off?

That's not Philip K. Cock. Well, not included in this list, but I'm sure it's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, my name is Carol J. I'm here to tell you of the invasion of the

Baldi Snatchers. I get it, I get it. Not even the Playboy channel would accept that. Samuel was supposed to neutralize a goblin queen's magic power before she even reached his village, but he bungled the operation. Now the queen and her coterie of short-stacked goblins are set to hypnotically deceive their way

into the hearts and beds of his fellow villagers unless he can stop them. Hey, my name's Tax and Tithes. What do you got? It's good. I know y'all are into good books. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is a good book. It's called Zen and the Art of Princess Maintenance. The end. I'm gonna leave. Hi, I'm Slave Princess. the end i'm gonna leave uh hi i'm slave princess uh taking over me amy falls asleep in her hammock hypnotized by her favorite evanescent city with a few subliminal messages from her sister oh shit Is her sister Amy Lee? Oh, God. Oh, wow. Jungle Babe in the clutches of Cernunnas. Cernunnananana. Weeks after Miss Americana's mysterious disappearance, Dana McQueen ventures into the foreboding mist-shredded forest to try to rescue her friend. But the evil that fell Miss Americana has only grown stronger

and more insidious. Can the Jungle Babe succeed where Champion of Delta City could not? I doubt it. I'd like to think that Miss Americana is totally judged on how similar to a Norman Rockwell

painting they are. How many pitchforks you got there? All right, seven? That ain't bad. Hello, I'm Maximilian Cummings. I am sure you've heard of me. Clever. I would love to tell you about my story.

It's brief, but very impactful. You have a big heart but a small penis. Brandy Oto has a personal problem. Will mind control solve it? Probably not because he has a small wiener. Uh, Bundy Brad, I found another story that you also

wrote. Who? Oh. Yeah. What's another story that you also wrote? Oh. The impenetrable blackness of windows. In addition, I have written the girl who was unsure about her

trousers. Also, if that wasn't enough, the sneeze on Monday. Sne sneeze for danger. And then there was the tales of Brach Candlestick O'Fluine. And a monograph concerning the strange sexual customs found in modern day Britain. Then there was the unusual sexuality of Malcolm Spandau.

Tish-toot! Tish-toot! Safe work at Pullen Wagstaff. My name's Ian Boheme. I wrote two different books that you might be interested in. The first one's called How I Became a Banana Slut and Lost My Two Cherries. Right, right. And then after that

I wrote Banana Slut 2, The Banana Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree. Excuse me, excuse me, Ian Boheme. You did write one other story in addition. Oh, I did? Oh, yeah. So, obviously you did write one other story in addition oh i did oh yeah so uh obviously it was banana slut and then the banana slut oh and then i wrote another story called wacky wicking weed the marijuana that eddie buys gives him hypnotic powers

and i'm doing to read the title so you skipped over sex obsessed lesbians uh story uh but uh they they also wrote this story that i really like the title of yeah oh fuck that sucks oh that's awful okay uh yeah so, so sex-obsessed lesbian. I wrote some stuff, but one of the things that I wrote was called The Best Thesis Defense is a Good Thesis Offense. Yay! It's true.

It ain't wrong. It ain't wrong. All right. I'm Mudeck. This is the pussy-driven life. Lucifer rediscovers an artifact he created for the Garden of Eden.

And he uses it to plan for his uprising against the Kingdom of Heaven. Oh man, what's he use? Is it pussy? What did we learn from any of this, F-Plus? Oh. I'm starting to think the internet's a touch too horny. What did we learn from any of this, F-Plus? I'm starting to think the internet's a touch too horny. Just a hair.

Do you have any evidence to back that up? No, no, I don't. This is just a feeling. Just a general kind of gut feeling I got. Are you sure that feeling's in your gut? Yeah. You know how you bust a gut? It's in your cum brains yeah uh i learned um there's uh i mean like there's there's points where uh these uh sort of very sexually frustrated

men uh uh have put themselves in situations that they've created where they have to write lesbian sexual activity. And they cannot do it. And it's like, don't do that then. Like, don't pretend to write about lesbian sexual activity if none of the mechanics make any sense to you. I sure do like fucking women. I know better. Oh, yeah, stick your boob in my pussy. Yeah. Your nipple sure is just like a penis.

Tube sock full of sand. Tube sock full of sand. Tube sock full of sand. Our website is, as always, the forum and the place that you go to play video games. Stop listening. Stop listening. Oh, my God.

Well, actually, maybe there's a thing at the end. Stop listening soon. You will stop listening to this podcast. Yes, master, okay. I didn't put an extra bit at the end.