The F Plus - 352: We're All Prisoners On A Borg Ship

Episode Date: April 23, 2021

For years, a Tumblr user by the name of Sylphiste was trying to turn normal brains into galaxy brains with his pontifications on conformity, pop music, feminism, hostile alien invaders, psychiatry, dragons, The Mandela Effect, and things tagged "red pill" for no good reason. This week, The F Plus is teddity tubbily Reddited. Side note: This episode was recorded on February 5th, 2021 - before the deaths of both DMX and Shock G (better known as Humpty Hump), and thus those jokes end up oddly timed. Shock G will be missed.

All right, you've waited long enough, and you deserve the crazy. This is the F+, Terrible Things, right with enthusiasm. In the room, we have Boots Rangier. When a human goes hunting, they go in the woods, and a reptilian wants to hunt. They release a live sacrifice in their house and chase it. Jimmy Franks! She wasn't built for this kind of shit and beavers are 100% a natural

two minus. Bunny bread! I don't care how few of us there are. All the time in the world, by ourselves and Lady Gaga! Frank West! Cops are like the modern day T-Rex. If you see one, everyone is in

grave danger. I've heard that he doesn't even own a television and he is J.W. Friedman. I'm talking about Zelda Breath of the Wind. It would be impossible for this game to be released all over if our world was destroyed. It's true. It's true. It's true. It's very true.

It's true. So was. And Lemon. The human body only has 10 decades. They wasted 2.7 of mine. They were about to get up to 3.0. Hey, F+. Hey, Lemon. Hey, Lemon.

Hey, Lemon. Hey, how do you feel about, like, explanatory podcast intros? Yeah! Best. Fucking hate them. Oh, interesting. Okay, so we have different opinions. Oh.

Right? It sounds like we have different opinions. It sounds like we have different opinions, but I feel that the first 45 minutes of a podcast should be an exploration of what the podcast will do. Especially if it's your first or second episode, you should probably just promise what

you'll be doing over the next few years. Yeah, yeah. This week on S-Town. So, yeah, I would like to give you a really, really long intro for this document about a Tumblr user named Sulfista. Ready? All right. America's run like a Borg ship. Oh, that's all we need to know.

You're trapped all day in your cell, which is called a house. Their most idiots think they're free. And by the way, just so you know, every time I'm using a homonym, I'm using the wrong one. Like there. I did actually use the right cell there. But your I'm always using the wrong your. Anyway, they think they're free. Free to what?

What? There are officers going up and down your hallway, a.k.a. your street. You're under constant surveillance. You're under more control than Adolf Hither could ever imagine. Adolf Hither and his brother Adolf Therefore. And he went hither and thither. You're not allowed to be outside roaming. There is no free time.

You either work shop or you die. There is no free thinking allowed. You need a artificial thing called money. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. If you're on the street, you either get arrested for being poor or you die. You there, poor. Time to die. Lemon, you're lapsing into slam poetry.

For it's impossible to get food. What is it? I'm sorry? For it's imposable to get food. And the hands out, which is like attorneys general, the hands out. It doesn't have enough points of articulation. Let me see your downward facing dog before I sell you this. Oh, that's terrible. Hey, they're worthless.

You can bag, but it's only till a cop finds out. You can bag, but it's only till a cop finds out. You find a way to survive, beats the shit out of you for surviving, and either kills you right there or arrests you for surviving. There is no way out. I'm sorry, not the USA. There is no way out. The USA is run like a Borg ship. Not the USA.

There is no way out. The USA is run like a Borg ship. Also, the USA is has the highest count and UFO sightings ever. Yeah, number one. The thing about a Borg ship is that there's a lot of police on a Borg ship. Sure. Well, it's a crime. Yeah.

A lot of crime. For the listeners' information, just know that every use of the word there is incorrect, and every use of an S also either inappropriately has an apostrophe before it or doesn't have one. Or inappropriately doesn't have an apostrophe before it, which is pretty impressive, too. People are defensive of one another. I'm sorry. People are defensive of one and other. You now, even now allowed to say hello. They will say hi back, but it's a social

cue for fuck off! Hi back! Just about everyone is every on else fake friend. And champagne for my real friend. Ten dollars USD. Che10 USD cheap cheap cheap the cells your house if you can own one a

building you shop in the office you work in the gave you rot in from from Cato the great my brain wouldn't even let me say it hey you're always in a cell a house isn't a house if you got to live in it all day is a goddamn

jail cell the rest of the nations run their like place like a raging tyrant is a war with them, but the U.S., if you saw how the cities are built, they look like the inside of a Borg ship.

Did I bring my metaphor home? Yeah, nearly. Did you? Okay. No, I think if you say Borg some more times, it'll help. Yeah, maybe in rapid succession they're like... Also, if you say Borg some more times, it'll help. Yeah, maybe in rapid succession there. Also, if you see how things are getting more and more high-tech, Borg, Borg, Borg, Borg. Let me hear you holler. Borg, Bork, bork. Let me hear you holler. Bork, bork, bork.

Has anyone ever edited, like, re-edited the Star Trek episodes? Where they all talk like Swedish fish? Swedish fish, did you say? Yeah, they all talk like Swedish fish. I thought it was Swedish fish. All right. Anyway, bork, bork, bork. And the greys do say resistance is futile, or you will obey, trademark Shepard Fairey,

maybe the secret agenda of the Greys is to turn us all into the Borg. Oh, the Borg. God, I wish you would have mentioned it. All came around full circle in the end there. Yeah, yeah. So do you all feel woken up? Do you feel like, do you feel, yeah. You would have mentioned it. It all came around full circle in the end there. Yeah, yeah. So do y'all feel woken up? Do you feel like, do you feel, yeah. Do you feel smarter? Yeah.

So, uh, So what are we doing this week? So as far as what this episode is about, stuff like that. That's just a speech that Lemon gives us before every episode. He usually cuts it out. Just want to get you all pumped up for a little bit. Hey, BunnyBright, is it true that the UUSA has gotten this bad?

Yeah, unfortunately, yeah. I'm sorry about that. But, but, but, but, hang on, hang on. The chaos has not started like this yet. So, something to keep in mind. Alright? So, anyways. Well, toons

possessive are out of touch. When people advertise like a game or a movie, they need to connect with the people and give them an idea of what their content is. Seeing, no, one can connect on any level. Video games showing people bonding over a victory or hardcore moment

is lost on the people because they don't know what that feeling is. Oh. That's true. Most people aren't good enough at video games to beat them like I am. Indeed, sir. Thank you. I'm glad you're here. Not all misters can be Mr. Game.

Most people that play Call of Duty got no idea how intense real war is. Mr. Games, care to comment? Less, right? It's less than Call of Duty. Ding, ding, ding!

Less intense. And most cartoons are giving off animated emotions people can't express with each other. As it's all capitalized, it's some big acronym, yes. So, L-E-P-Q-A-X-E-W. Most cartoons are animated, okay Most

And all music is total shit Good point, man Good point, man Go back like 50 years There was still music Little bits Here and there Thanks, Dad

My point is that the user is dead, and now it's turning undead. Undead, undead, undead. That music's more than 50 years old, Lemon. The user has got so bad. All right. Anything else? You talked about cartoons. You talked about video games. You talked about you? Anything else? You talked about cartoons. You talked about video games.

You talked about music. Anything else? I don't think. Let's see here. I've pretty much taken care of the zeitgeist. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Have you seen fashion? All of it?

Have you seen clothing? It's 100% psychotic! Whoop whoop, ninja! I've seen a pant, and it was crazy. I've seen two. Have you see? Have you see how people treat each other? And animals, they make orcs look benevolent.

People have become ape-like. Selfish, cold, short-tempered. People are not caring for each other. Not even for the kids, possessive. More and more. Kids are just forgotten about or left behind. People want the sex. Flex.

But not the kids. So they're just leaving their rugrats in the strangest of places. Oh, in strangest place. Season four coming up. I want the sex but not the kids is the best Naughty by Nature album.

More and more because if the feminism their message is just sex, no relationship. Yes, it's women that are always pushing that, not men. Oh. Yep. The thing about feminism is they're just like always after my dick. Feminism is all about like, I don't open doors. That makes sense. They've just really coarsened our culture.

I'm not a hunk of meat lady. Can a dude just get some cuddles? Shit. Can't we just talk about feelings, bitch? Damn. Just sex, no relationship. And so men just hump and dump. Oh, he said it right at the start.

It is your chance to do the humps. Oh, yes. Oh, do me, baby. Even Puerto Ricans. Samoans as well. Samoans do the hump and dump. White people. And men going, excuse me, magic gathering the overworld.

Do the same thing. More and more. So feminists want sex without a relationship, so men fuck them without a relationship. I guess we're all losers. Men also want that.

Because of the women wanting it. Oh yeah, because men do what women say all the time. Shit. How are y'all parsing this sentence? I can't even figure it out. More and more, it's just a impulse. And as there is

no real meaning to bind thing, the nature is man is spiraling out of control. Truer thoughts were never thoughten. And more and more chaos is killing off more and more animals. How do you like it?

How do you like it? The U.S.A. is turning into the Badlands. And if China invades, they're going to be going through a gate into hell. Oh, that'll show them. Yeah, go ahead and invade our country. It sucks over here. Ah, idiot.

Stupid. As the land is so toxic, the people so psychotic, the U.S.RSA might end up as a nuclear wasteland. Oh, yeah! Do you hear me? Nuclear wasteland. No, nuclear wasteland. More chaotic than Mad Max. The small... Wait a second.

We'll be back to USA. Yes. The URSA is touring... The USA is touring the USA is Alan touring not a third world but a medieval throne

back with psychos running everywhere a land of undead insanity a dark edge that returned where everyone book burns and then, then

kills each other while, while he's the books are on fire. They had to wait for the books to be on fire to start killing each other. Brilliant imagery. Well, yeah. You can't see otherwise.

You burn the books, okay? And then I'll kill you. I do. Scream and raging. And some of the kids are now roasting away. And the few that survived the brawl eat the roasted kid. Just one. Eat the roasted kid.

While most of their face got ripped off. And then they shoot up meth. This sequel to Lord of the Flies is really upsetting. Yes. To numb the agony, welcome to the UUSA, welcome to hell. So your thesis, it seems like your thesis is that the Usa is like really sort of like chaotic. And like it's a throwback to like the Dark Ages. And like there's a whole lot of chaos and not that many rules.

And it's like really primal and primitive. And in that way, it's also like a Borg ship, right? Yeah. It's rigid and you can't do anything. Somebody gets it. Have you seen Mad Max where like he goes too fast and they arrest him for breaking the speed limit? Yeah. And he's not allowed to go outside.

Jimmy Franks. Yeah. I feel sort of victimized by the USA in ways that I didn't know that I was before. Is there a way for me to get out of this toxic bubble? You want to get out of the toxic bubble? I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha.

I just got in. Yeah. Yeah. This bubble's dead anyway, man. I've been waiting in line for hours. The bouncer just kept letting pretty girls in. Well, if you're a target, you feel restricted like your entire body is choking and being

crushed by a force all around you. You feel needles all through your body and nothing physical has touched you. Okay, so it's back to being a restrictive environment. Okay, got it. You feel millions of hands and what feels demon werewolf dragon? Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, are those werewolf hands on me? Hello. Claws from the ground trying to gram you up and trip you, and you feel undead ghostly human hands. Are you trying to gram me? Get on it, man. Has this ever happened to you?

They feel cold can clammy. You feel million spirit all around trying to hold you down. You feel over a billion eyes on you. With more hate than that of the woman from the movie of the ring, the cursed movie, at least it was said to be.

You know the one. Have you seen this, folks? Have you seen this? The circle? You feel like hands are on your lungs trying to squeeze them so you can't breathe. You feel like there are souls under you

looking up and that they want, and they want to drag you under yet. The flood is solid. The use of space question, mark, question, mark, question,

mark is a very powerful use. It's like writing tool. I think you can feel the ice site out of a toxic bubble of radiation. You are far more tired, and you can't think. You feel as a heavy W-8 was put on your entire body. It hard to listen for your focus is being drained. If you lose focus, you feel as you could die at any moment. Just a break.

Focus for a moment, we'll... Okay, so a W-8 is a certificate of foreign status withholding form that you fill out with the IRS. That's heavy. That's just a heavy form. Alright.

Just to break focus for a moment will equal sign death minus. Minus. Just to break focus for a moment will equal sign death minus. Minus. Death minus. That's even worse than death. Death minus.

This death. You didn't even try on this death, did you? Be honest. You didn't even read the book. See me after life. Okay. You feel oddly there are chains and you know not where the chains came piled on you. W.H. you down even more. You feel a deep and ominous census.

Doom and gloom. You feel like they're... Doom and gloom is the wrestling combo that Bunny Bread and I have. Oh, yeah. I'm gloom. I'm doom! I'm gloom. I just mope.

He beats the shit out of people and I just kind of write poetry. He tries to tag me in and I'm just like, I don't feel like it. Ooh, the hot tag to gloom. The cold tag back? Hmm. You feel like there is a ring of reapers around. Chain death spells in a demon tone. Oh, they're trying to get through the veil.

I know at this point many of you might think I'm crazy. I don't think. Good at this point. It took us all the way here. We had a good 20 minutes to really figure it out. It feel as there is a loud howl in the sky like there are souls agale. I see nothing but blur.

Wow. Question marks are working you. When I see these being attack someone, thy really attack someone, minus dogs will often growl at them and bark and then quickly cry out and whimper when they're attacked, Minus.

I can see the dead just standing there shaking as if they're being shocked by something. I can see the wraiths that hover over the land with a face of pure hate, Minus. I can see dead animal trying to get the fuck out of the way, Minus. I can hear the moans of the dead all around me, Minus. And I see the reapers. I don't think you see any of these things. I see the... I think this isn't even a real equation, all these minuses.

I can see dead animals trying just to get the fuck out of the way. And I see reapers that look like a faded coot of ash go after people. Even though I'm tagging this as a creepypasta this is not not not A creepypasta nice That's a triple mega so it is a creepypasta Oh shit Oh no I need readers most people in the paranormal

Supernatural and red pill section Are ignore me I need to try New tabs Oh wow Full on culture jamming Hell yeah Sulfista Hill section are ignore me. I need to try new tabs. Oh, wow. Full on culture jamming. Hell yeah, Sulfista. Have you tried tagging it as like a recipe just to kind of hit those people? It's a hell of a prelude here.

But yeah, I'm going to figure out how these waffles work. Hi, my name's Sulfista. Hi, Sulfista. Yeah, psychiatry is fucking useless. Oh, Sulfista. Psychiatry is fucking useless. Oh, no. Sure. Yep. Agreed.

Psychiatry is fucking useless. We heard you. A hybrid can't tell a psychiatry there's a hybrid because there's a so-called doctor lacks intelligence. No. It too dumb to comprehend other life in the universe besides it monkey brain. If it doesn't fit on their fucking posted note of a reality that it just has to be all of a sudden has to be one out of 80 billion motherfucking diagnosis. Sorry, that's Bill on motherfucking diagnosis. I'm even more confused from this reading than I am from the previous ones.

Well, let me elucidate. The so-called doc will also give it pills that are poison and could kill handicapped injury. The hybrid for life. What? I think if you get injured by a pill, you're pretty weak. Was it thrown at you really hard? Yeah, Elon Musk threw it at my window.

Yeah. The hybrid also are not humans. There is a lot of shit you and I take normal that are fucking hell to them. Why am I making this post? Because I'm crazy. It because most of the hybrids can't fit in. And that not a bad thing.

Stupid people, they're forced to live with force them into this moment with these dumbass professions. I don't want to read that next line. Oh. Shit for brains, something. Or they're locked away in an asylum. Like I said, Earth is hybrid hell. You know, at least energy efficient. hell.

You know, at least energy efficient. Even if the doc is aware of a thing called a hybrid, there's going to process them as human. This is domination because it force an alien in the mold of a human

then breaking off what doesn't fit, ultimately killing or seriously damaged the hybrid for life. These people are useless. No, not the hybrids. Is this guy think he's an alien hybrid, or is he just, like, sticking up for them? No, not the hybrids.

Yeah, I think he's sticking up for the hybrids. That's what I took away from that. Although, again, I was very confused during that reading. So that first section, a document put together by Mix and Shell Game, and thank you very much. Thanks. That was the first section. The second section is called, Anyway, Let's Talk About Aliens.

Oh, yes. What you got there, Jay? Well, in the style of the rock band Clutch, I'm going to read a little something called Don't Fucking Abduct Them. If the greys kill all the cows, there are gonna be a lot of pissed

off fairies. A.K.A. Faye. No cow equals not milk. No milk equals no butter. No butter equals no easy sources of good and very healthy fat. Oh, yeah. No butter equals not butter for any recipe. So it's easy to get.

Dot, dot, dot. Gaia can't grow butter. Ah! Ba-da-ba-ba-da-da. It's easy top rep. If they kill all the cows, they're only going to get an order from the mantis to get more of them. Yeah, yeah.

And I'm pretty sure butter is needed for many vegetables. Move it. Yeah. I'm sorry. Butter is need for many vegetables. Butter is need for many vegetables. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Alright. No, broccoli didn't exist until butter did. No, no, no. Alright, everybody. That was our presentation for the National Dairy Council. We're going to be launching that at the Super Bowl this weekend. Is this really? Is this what all of our dues are going for? Is this what we're paying our dues for? It's a bold new direction.

Oh, new direction. Now I want your cock. Okay, so this is a Frank West, this is a message from Sylfista and it's a message that he has to the few.

Or to the few minus. To the few or to the few minus to the few minus to the few that do read my stuff I would like to say thank you and that I am not a data waterfall oh I feel like this

has got to be like a Q thing right just a reminder this man posted 250 pages in a year. I don't know what else you are. That wasn't data, that was prose. I think if I took all the water from an actual waterfall and lined it up, it would be less than that. Maybe you're a data volcano? Yeah, there it is. I was waiting for someone.

I'm born to love them, so. someone i'm born to love them so one thing you need one thing you need to know is i do not release top secret or classified information yeah that's a hybrid definitely a cute thing well this is from like three years ago so maybe this dude is this dude is Q. This is him. The hybrid thing was a bit of data not being released to the public, and yet I know the mass are realtors. I need to re-edit it and fire off another post because the first one was, sorry, I'm sorry, too much information. Sorry, I needed to kill it.

No, Sophista, come back, please! We need you! I'm sorry. I just, I couldn't hold it in. Like I said, no matter my post on any blog, I will pull any content. She

happens, and times change. What was at one point a bit enlightening is another utter danger. So please keep in mind and hate me all you want. I do not want to endanger the other starseedses. Frank West, this post is pretty long, and I'm worried about the dragon's aim. The dragon has an apostrophe in it.

The dragon's aim. The dragon has an apostrophe in it. The dragon's aim. The dragon is aim. Where is the apostrophe? Because... It's actually warning the dragon apostrophe as comma aim. Comma aim, there it is. I don't know why I didn't put that in the find box. Yeah, at this point you gotta know

All plurals contain an apostrophe Warning the dragons Aim to dominate as well Either way This is going to be a shit storm None of the Aliens is coming on in Our friendly

Like not Halle Berry Like a knockoff storm. No, no, no. The 90s Mountain Dew send off. Shit storm. And I'm not being a negative Nancy. Seriously, they're all dicks.

Dragons? Yeah, all of them. All of them. They all belong to Richard. They're all dicks sporting goods. You can find your dragons in aisle three. And many of them are ready for blood. We the humans are keen to fuck. My best advice

is grab a gun and take cover. Do not fire in, lest you need to. Get the fuck out of the way. Move, bitch! Bitch! I did not songs about dragons.

My name is Udo Christian, and I'm like bitch! Alright, anyway. I feel like if a whole bunch of dragons just sort of descended onto the earth, it would be people's impulses to shoot at them. I don't think they would need preparedness. Like, oh, a bunch of dragons are descending on us. Let's see how this pans out.

Sorry, I don't want to say go at them. A, they're too powerful. And B, your ammo is limited. C. I haven't seen America. Take care of your friends and pets and shut your stupid fucking kid up and don't let it cry. That's not relevant to the dragons. I'm just tired of it.

Rugrats. And D. If the greys come, run! Greys too? Okay. Yeah. And after that The name of the band

Chick Chick Chick Those aren't exclamation marks Those are representations of Grace Because they travel In three groups of three Oh Wait a second How would you know that, Boots?

Oh no Rip off skin It's not going to be Star Wars Is that a clean fight? It's going to be dirty Violent Gory And most people Are going to be Star Wars' That a clean fight It's going to be dirty Violent, gory, and most people Are going to lose their Tiddly-tubby mind

Tiddly-tubby I lost my tiddly-tubbly mind Tiddly-tubby Why did you catch the dragons Fighting the greys outside? I nearly lost my tiddly-tubbly mind over it Just the events alone Might kill a few people in pure shock the greys outside, I nearly lost my deadly, tubbly mind over it. Just the events alone might kill a few people in

pure shock. This see not to say bend over and kill your ass goodbye. Kill your ass. Goodbye. This is to say... Hey man, you killed my ass. Goodbye.

This is to say, duck and fucking cover! Hit the deck, comma, 20 exclamation points. Hit the fucking deck, Minus. There's some more posts, there's some more posts, there's some more posts. Quite a bit of it, yep. Not a damn waterfall, people.

What have Greys got? Greys got death rays, time warps, it yep not a damn waterfall people uh great what what a gray's got gray's gray's got death rays time warps anti-gravity pulses uh can either slow you or it can desync you off and land mass

oh man those grays got so much shit oh man i got the black hole bombs is the laser showers it's kind of like the spartan three laser only

blue if you know about the halo three great game recommended Recommended. Anyways, they got the space warp, the anti-sound blast wave, you got your antimatter bombs, your subsonics. In short, they can fuck over your subconscious.

It's a type of battle music, and it's not music. It's a sonic weapon. That's just the wee shit, man. So they got the sonic weapons, but they also have the anti-sound weapons? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, but they are sounds, but they're weapons, even though they're anti-sound weapons.

They're not a rapper. You really got to coordinate this shit. If the one guy's on one side shooting the sound weapons, then yeah, they get really pissed off. Now you see Kurt Angle at Salvation, I've got a 333% chance of beating you. The numbers don't lie. So, Frank, I mean, that's the weak shit, though, man. We want to hear about what they got. I mean, I've dealt with sound before.

I'm doing it right now. Well, they got guns that make the fucking BFG from Dune look like a pop toy from the 1960s. Oh, shit. Wow. Because that BFG from from Doom is pretty impressive. That's a real gun. And can cover the bottom of their ship in them in moments and then rain down their shit upon an area.

And they got Death Stars in and Witch. They will not be using on the Earth because they fucking need this place. Anyways, in conclusion, I'm not going to give you a huge list of their weapons. That's top secret. That's a small list. This is the abridged version.

A small sample. That's top secret, sorry, but they show a lot of these fucking weapons off. Meh, FYI. I'm not impressed. Death Star, whatevs. Okay, so Jay, I know about insects. I'm aware that insects exist on this planet and that's probably fine,

but I wish that insects could be ranked in a way that was cognizable and sort of actionable. Finally, a tier list. Well, I'm glad you mentioned this because I've been thinking about this for a long time and I'll make it okay. I'll make this

easy to understand. Oh good, because I'm dumb. Thank you. Number one, spider are the assassin and the stealth lords. You can't hear or sense them in their vampires, the blood kind. Oh, shit. I mean, I don't hear a spider, but I can see a spider. But okay, you're right anyway.

Number two, trolls are the muscle and the physical power and they evolved from Beatles No, no, no they've often Beatles you see oh Yeah, yeah, yeah the big fluffy here. Yeah, you put on the end of a pencil Wait a second okay now. We've gone completely off the rails. Three elves. We are the high mind to the entire race.

Where we lack in sleep, physical power, and stealth, we make an extreme intellect. Plus two. Did you just come out as an elf? Okay. Right there. No, I think he's saying humans are the elves in this analogy. Oh. Which is really good.

So rankings, the number one is the best, right? Yeah. I guess. I assume so. Presumably, so spiders are the best insects, then trolls, then elves. Yeah. Yeah. Those are the best insects.

Yep. Okay. What's the fourth best insect? Nibses slash pixies slash dot dot are scoutses. Their only job is to watch over an R and zip on back and report they fly faster than a bullet and way, way faster than any bullet might. Oh. Just any random bullet, sure.

But any bullet. Yeah. Faster than a bullet and faster than a bullet. They fly faster than this bullet and also other bullets you may have seen. Granted, we're not saying that the bullets have been shot out of a gun or anything. We're just saying that bullet's sitting there. A bullet under a stone. Yeah, a bullet with butterfly wings.

Please tell me what is the next ranked insect in whatever criteria we're using. Well, duh. Goblins is. Our troops is more than scouts is. They search the area and whoop anyone's ass that they see and not kid. And they too evolve from

form a beetle. Are you a VW? No, Paul McCartney. Oh, yes. Well, that makes sense. Yeah, that's reasonable. Number six, the mantis are the hive lords.

Well, yeah, come on. We all know that one. We all played Hollow Knight. We need to hear more of this. Number seven, the tall greys are unknown, minus we sometimes call them the Lost Fae, because they're so old, as in the history is lost in time, dot, dot, dot.

We also call them the Elder Fae. Okay. Jay, I want to learn more about this, but here I am, and I just wish, I wish that right now I could be hearing, I wish that I could be hearing a starseed rap. Is it possible?

Well, let me just, and I can hear a starseed rap. Let me just change gears for a second. Just before we step forward to the starseed rap, I just want to know, I don't know if there's anything else that our humans call a gnome. Well, and there are dwarfs. What you humans call a gnome. Well, and there are dwarfs. What you humans call a gnome.

But a gnome is the being of the earth as in its omni-holiness. The energy of element earth. I don't know if they're fae. Starseed rap. I had no choice but to obey. One time I was but a wild fae. Untamed in the fray. Till one day the light came, swept everyone away.

And we now were the same ever since that faithful day. As we rock on the earth, they are to blame for the birth. Now on earth we look for the day. And we can rebel in our own way. Bullets will be flying. Greys will be dying. Stars will be in the sky. One good cannon shot and boom, they die, crash and burn.

But up here Their sins may not have learned So many souls pulled in Through the fate of hell Souls that just wanted To be left alone Now on earth They suffer and groan

Nagging me in pain Suffering rending woe And most women say And the world doesn't even know Say no to drugs Who will understand Large and in charge Will be hit by the biggest barge

Like Chico, Elder Barge Shit will hit the fan And on that day Fire will sweep the land as ammo will fill the sky. Blood it will rain and many will die. Nuclear winds from a damn craft will erupt a might of great wrath. What? More will arise. But great ammo, we will have the surprise.

DMX has the mind to get ready to rip. Trip's staying ready for when it bout to hit. Debris burning in the background. Ammo be a restock and people are starting to trip. What? staying ready for when it bout to hit. Debris burning in the background. MLB are restocked and people are starting to trip. What? Good luck.

Kid is ready. Got a sniper on the scope and he yells out, ready? Oh! Craft, we see eastbound and laser fire off. Mirror should deflect

so that breaks off. The army rages. The kid is raw. The sky is thundering. This is war. What? So that's the new Rough Riders anthem,

is it? For my dogs! That's longer than I thought it would be. And that's our second option for the National Dairy Council 2021 message. What does everybody think? Can I hear the first one again? Something about B.

Bunny bread. Now going away from the reptilians section, reptilians and dragons and insectoids and fairies. Into a section called, yay, a whole section on the Mandela effect. Oh, you know me.

Yeah, absolutely. So I'm going to give you a choice here, and your choice is The first one! Alright then. So your... Some say

Bunny Bread's a little impulsive, but I've never seen it. Yep. All right. So to that end, the thing you're going to be reading is Earth Emoji? Sweating Face Emoji. Fuck yeah. That is the title of this particular piece. All right.

All right. All right. So my piece on Beat Poetry Night is Earth. Huh? Alright. Oh, man. Maybe Australia is

not real. I say maybe for a fucking reason. Maybe is not a yes. Maybe is not even a theory. Maybe equals maybe. Okay, first off, we don't know the world. We don't know shit on Earth.

We haven't been there. We don't know, know, know. Right? Yeah. Sure, yeah, okay, yeah. Okay. Earth is huge. And the most of it we saw all on the TV on our smart gadgets,

a.k.a. device, singular, a.k.a. your phone. You heard of it? Oh, my God. My phone is my device. Yes. That does way the fuck more than just a fucking phone. And over the internet, that's it!

Yes, sir. We have not been there, maybe, and only a maybe, maybe. Earth is small and flat with a shit ton of water. Huh? Didn't you say that it was big?

No. Just like a sentence ago. You were taught dumb by me earlier. He said it was huge. He said it was huge. But it's small. And it's pretty flat.

No, we go with the best information that we have at the time. Okay? Lots of change in the past couple of sentences. Science evolves. You can't define the past by the standards.

Yeah, man, it's a self-correcting kind of thing, because, you know, we did more research. Science evolves, all right? Am I blowing your fucking mind so far? Okay, good. All right. We all established that Earth is small and flat with a shit ton of water.

Oh, wait! And maybe Earth really is just one big island. No, it's not, though. It sure isn't. Oh, wait! And maybe, Earth really is just one big island. No, it's not, though. It sure isn't. Really, though. Don't think about it. Shut up. Hold all questions till the end. Okay, okay. If we add up what the flat Earthers believe, me, I don't know,

whether it's round or flat, question marks, Earth is flat. And now there are only one island with a dome. Sounds more like Earth is a fucking poetry dish. It's a fucking poetry dish.

Alright. A purtry dish? It's a poetry dish. It's a poetry dish. I'm gonna start a new zine called the poetry dish ooh dish girl it might make more sense that despite all the ufos

nothing ever happens question mark ufo porno they're super smart super power super high tech and got mother shit and very big guns but some way how can't conquer the earth take a high powerful race over 30 years to kill a few reddit reptiles that fuel or rule the earth

okay can we just establish at this point now that we've replaced that word with Reddit? Yeah, Redditors. Yep, yep, yep, yep. The R word is now just Reddit. Take a hyper-powerful race over 30 years to kill a few Redditor reptiles that rule the Earth, question marks, with guns that could easily blow through a star system and kill trillions per blast. Why haven't I thought about any of this stuff before? Why not? Now, what the fuck to the

highest power? Question marks? So, it's a maybe. I'm not agreeing, but something's up. And now, there a Mandela effect. With this is said to be a time... It's spelled like paella.

This talk was provided to us by Mix and Shell Game, and they promised a section on Mandela effect, but this was a section on Mandela effect, which is much more delicious. Yeah, I mean, I'm a huge fan of mussels, so I love the Mandela effect, which is much more delicious. Yeah, I mean, I'm a huge fan of mussels, so I love the Mandela effect. Are you the man dealing? Yeah, I'm dealing, man.

No, you're the man, dog. It's cool, you can kill me. You know I like it. Jimmy Franks. I'm not gonna read the title of this post.'m not going to read the title of this post. I think you should read the title of this post. Tick. Tock tick.

Tock, cock, cock, cock. Cuck, cuck, cuck, cuck. Great. Great. Good. I can almost swear that day now goes by almost as fast as a blink, and a mouth is gone before I can't even sit down for a moment. I, or it feels the moment I pick my head up.

A fucking year has already flew on by. What have you been doing for the last year? Time is flowing past me at such a rapid speed mandela really not this is not an example of the mandela effect at all um yeah that's actually time dilation time just feel faster because you so used to the day, but when you were paying hardcore attacheon to every tick on the clock and all you did was turn around for a brief moment

and it's night all of a sudden, I think... Maybe at a puke state. There's an error in the matrix! Or whatever you want to call it. There, a major, major error. Or maybe in this universe, time moves much more quickly, or it could be a real portal storm or a quantum storm.

A merged many realms, and so time keeps getting distorted. Sometimes fast and other times slow and sometimes it feels frozen. Minus. Boom, boom, ba-doom. So I think we've learned a lot about the Mende

effects. Mandela. So I don't think we need to learn anything more about that particular effect. I think we've learned all we need to. So now we're going to get into all of the Sylphista stuff that is tag red pill for no reason.

Because he found a community that wouldn't kick him out quite as fast as I think. So Frank West, this screed that you want to share with the Tumblr community is titled, Esquimation Point. Can someone just edit in the MGS sound for me? Thank you. Okay, okay, okay.

I'm going to try it live just for a sec. Okay. So, Frank West, your reading is titled, Thank you. quest your your your reading is titled many aliens have been to our world after we disappeared many unwanted aliens you know when I said real or really in this blog if you wouldn't stick your arm in a wasthive or a killer beehive don't go

into fairy and well that is fairy land. And we, the very few of us that own the earth, don't want anything on it that is not kin. I'm trapped in so many parentheticals. Yeah, I feel like you're just really backing off on this one. You're losing a little bit of your confidence that you had in previous screeds. Don't worry. I've got plenty of confidence coming right up. Oh, good.

Fuck's sake, humans don't even know how to take care of the world. Stop cutting the plants. But then we'll die if we do that. We'll actually all perish from the earth if we stop cutting the plants. Well, then you go back to the other earth. Oh, okay. And they don't overgrow. You're obsessed with power, control.

The plants are supposed to grow wildly. Except for how we invented tech cultures. But never mind. I'm wrong. Oh, like, how we invented tech culture. But never mind. I'm wrong. Oh, you think you invented it. They give off more energy divine power when they do. You're not supposed to cut them ever. This is why alien don't go to each other, each in other planet, a.k.a. divine homeses.

Aliens don't go to other planets? Is that what you're saying? Yeah. So this whole thing that we've been talking about for the past hour is... That's right. Okay. They don't do it. All right.

No, that's a relief, man. Also, there's no such thing as dragons. Yeah. Or plants. And you know what? Another thing? Taking over another world is stupid. Hell yeah.

Fuck space imperialism. Example. salamander in the fire realm, undines in the water realm, not salamander, take over the water realm. You follow me? That's a not salamater. This is a real separate but equal, Jock,

when you get here. On all of the rituals the elite do, and I bet you they wonder why they're not working, they're doing fire rituals in a I bet you they wonder why they're not working. They're doing fire rituals in a water realm and wondering why they're not getting a fire blessing. Those stupid assholes. You know, if they had just cast magic missile, they wouldn't have this problem. Thaumaturgy.

They're acting like Redditors, for Christ's sake. Foolish Redditors for Christ's sake Foolish Redditors It's like trying to do a demonic ritual In the realm of white light And then you wonder why you got bad luck And the universe is fighting you I do wonder why I got bad luck Well you're going to get smited by pure light Dumbass

Got the pure light on you, bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what you deserve. Fucking moron. But we fairies are in contact with... I thought you were an elf. Were you an elf earlier? I thought you were like a plant.

So here's what I'm gathering, is that he thinks all of humanity is actually a type of fairy. And we're from another realm And we came here and now we're cutting the plants Like a bunch of dumbasses At least that's what he seems to think In this post I'm sure this is solid

He's gonna stick with this one for a while I added the dragonses And we couldn't get rid of them And then the greyses added the humanses And we couldn't even get rid of them. And then the grazes added the humans is, and we couldn't even get rid of them. You the fucker. Most comma, likely reading this.

I'm a fucker. Most likely. I'm most likely reading this. Oh, you're most likely. Sorry. Fourth wall destroyed to the girl reading this. Hi.

Sorry. It wasn't ready try again I failed to stop a terrorist fairy the only thing that can stop a bad fairy with a wand right The only thing that can stop a bad fairy with a wand. Right. Is a good story with a wand. That's why we have open wand carry, man. Allahu nutmeg! Oh, God.

I failed to stop a terrorist fairy who wanted to enslave all. And I recruited bad friendses. Very bad friendses. Recruited rad friends. Selfish parasites. They backstabbed a deal and took over the world. The whole deal? No, it's the worst game show.

Have you seen it? Backstab a deal? Backstab a deal! Poor Harry Mandel. Cruising nights on Fox. You stab Harry Mandel and he's like, no, the fire world. So now a water world is on fire and they can't understand why they're not fire under the sea. Dumbass.

You're in the wrong divinity, you stupid fuck. Yikes. Dumbass. You're in the wrong divinity, you stupid fuck. Jimmy Franks, that piece, as we know, that piece that Frank West read was called... But this piece is called... What was that noise? That was a dollar store impression of Tim Allen. You can get Tim Allen to do that for you. Yeah, for a dollar. I think he's available.

I think hiring him on Cameo is a good use of this podcast. It's supposed to be paid in cocaine. How much is Tim Allen on Cameo? Let's find out While you're reading If the Matrix theory Is real I swear I hated when people talked this crazy shit Do you?

Then who runs the console? Girls Oh What did they decide to put lawful evil overlords in the simulator if everything is a simulation what's the point of life girls is this entity called god the one that simply control the console kind of like a tech master i ask again why are reptilians in rule over the one that simply control the console? Kind of like a tech master. I ask again, why are reptilians in rule over the world?

Did they make the Matrix? Force souls into to rule over them. Trust me, the lawful evil overlords grasp on reality is iron. If reality is an illusion, then why participate in it? I don't get it. If realty is fake, why work? I still don't get why. Why whoeverty is fake, why work? I still don't get why. Why whoever or whatever made all of this wanted lizards to be in control?

I'm going to quit my job Monday morning, and the reason given is if reality is fake, then why work? Boom. Boom. That's actually so powerful. If, if realty is fake, why would it be? Which is getting me really excited that you might be able to buy a house from Silfista. Over here, we've got the second bedroom. It's really beautiful.

And by the way, you're in the wrong divinity, dumbass. Stupid fuck. None of this shit exists. And if you'll follow me to the second bathroom. Stop stealing the cows. Let's get Red Doctor in here. Wily, the reptilians have it very easy. Why got it very hard?

I didn't ask for hard mode, motherfucker. Oh, and the reptilians have all the cheat codes. Everything for them is unlocked, and I got mods. Who again made the Matrix? Why did we spawn at the bottom, and there's no way to level up through the pyramid. T-H-R-E-W, through

the pyramid, without some without some great and pointless sacrifice. That ends up just being a cheap drill. Minus. I can't do it either. We need toast. So what did we learn from any of this, F-Plus?

Oh, Jesus Christ. Man, where do I begin? I know less about this man's belief than when I started. Yeah. I didn't know anything. I learned that Tim Allen is not on Cameo. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, of all of the people

that you can buy on Cameo for like 200 bucks, uh, Tim Allen is not one of them. Uh, Krista Ritter cost you $300, though. Jesus. I mean, that's worth it. Yeah, sure. Tim Allen's always going to be getting that Toy Story money, though.

And Santa Claus money. You can get two Jerry Springers for the price of one Kristen Ritter. I'm going to start thinking of units of money in terms of cameo price that's how I do my budgeting it's like okay god damn that's like six McFoleys

you could get yeah you could get a Redman and a Dougie fresh and have a McFoley left over if you quit smoking today Get a can of Dougie Fresh and have a Mick Foley leftover. If you quit smoking today, you can save me. For just the price of one coffee a day, you could get a David Koechner. Children everywhere need your help. For just three Rob Schneiders per month.

In the arms, but it's just Rob Schneiders. Ted Nugent's more expensive than Krista Ritter. Wow. That makes sense. That makes sense. Loyal fan base. Krista Ritter can't do that. Hey, it's me, Tom Arnold.

Anyway, yeah, I mean, you know, it's a show. I mean, we've had some history of reading crazy people. But usually the more you read them, the more that you kind of, like, understand a little bit of their particular mindset and their particular worldview. And this guy's, like like underlying thesis changes every time every single sentence like every paragraph yeah the earth is very very big now moving on to the next there was a tiny earth there was a point where he seemed annoyed that he was changing topic who the fuck wrote that i've just talked about three different Flat Earth theories and now there's a fucking Mandela

I don't fucking know, whatever Like, shit, man Look, the only thing I really learned is that Apostrophes are necessary every time You have S in any word I put them like three or four times In the word Mississippi I've got like 20 apostrophes

Oh, you're that G.I. Joe character. Yeah. You know, so we got to the end of this and we realized that the Sophista went ahead and disabled their own Tumblr. Do you think that

that means that Sophista got better? Yeah, yeah. Here's to hoping. This document was submitted a couple years ago, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. means that Sophistic got better. Yeah. Yeah. Here's to hoping. Yeah. Well, when was this? This document was submitted a couple years ago, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing about the past couple years is it's really been good for most people's mental health, so I feel like they're

doing all right. Yeah, I feel like there's not a lot of, like, polarizing forces or just things that, like, would lead somebody down a path to

crazier. Aaron Cab. Never mind. Did you look it up? Don't ruin it for me. The website, as always, THEFBL.us. The forum is Ball Pit. Montel Jordan will own the cost of you $100.

That is how he does it. I cost you $100. That is how he does it. I charge you $100. Yeah, that's not bad. Say hi, I can't be young. John Johnson's $500. And there's a new game. You can play it on Kinda.Fun. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye.