The F Plus - 356: Dragons On Usenet

Episode Date: June 18, 2021

----- thoughts drift by: ----- < alt.fan.dragons is over 25 years old > < indifferent to time, immortal beings reside > < saying dumb shit with weird formatting > -- TheFPlus*

Frank, what are the tenets of your time religion? We're just really fucking punctual. If you ever show up late, you're one of those people who's always five minutes late to a friend's party or whatever. You come to us and we forgive you. All right. Well, okay. I guess that makes sense. Because I feel like conversationally, sorry I'm late shows up a lot.

Yeah. Way more often than like, oops, sorry I'm late shows up a lot. Yeah. Way more often than like, oops, I prayed to the devil. But like, people are always going to confession about the devil. They're never going to confession about being five minutes late. I will say, oops, I prayed to the devil is a real good porn. the humans approach and they wish to hear the f plus podcast they wish to hear terrible things but we will read them with enthusiasm and we've got booze rain gear what was i supposed to think when half the time I wanted to prowl on the paws or claws of a predator, but the other half was filled with the urge to gallop

on solid hooves with those impossibly strong and delicate legs? It was quite a problem. Frank West. You don't just become something like this. That's like waking up one morning and deciding you're no longer physically human. Victor Laszlo. I was by far more powerful than him, but he refused to back down. I was fighting for amusement. He was fighting for a race. Oh boy, we've got Zarla again! Respondents to this survey will each receive a coupon good for their

choice of roasted townsperson. Prepare to order for themselves and a guest. No hunting for dinner this time. And lemon. My mom took me to a store so I could buy a dragon sculpture. I chose the least offensive one I could find. On our way back home, my mom told me she didn't know why I loved dragons so much. She'd always associated them with evil.

Typical. That was supposed to be a sign, But instead I did Rodney Dangerfield No I think it's just like You know they just like They're stereotypical Dragons You got big dragons Happy birthday, S Plus. Happy birthday, Lemon. Happy birthday, Lemon.

Yay! Happy birthday, every one of us. And to those of you that are celebrating a birthday, when this is recorded, when this might be heard by you, happy birthday to you. Yay! Yeah, yay for all of us. And in this special day, this remarkable day, I think I'm done with websites. Uh-oh. I think, you know, we've done, you know, several hundred of these episodes looking at different websites.

I, myself, have made several hundred of my own crappy websites. I think it's over. I think it's a trend that's at the end and we need to find a better medium than that. We need to find a better medium than websites. Wouldn't you agree?

Yeah. Okay, great. Thank you so much. Great. Let's transcend. Okay, so we're going to you so much. Great. Let's transcend. Okay, so we're going to go into a hot new property. It's a really cool way to sort of converse with people and distribute information. What it's called is Usenet. Wow. So I think it's pretty much – I've heard about that on the internet superhighway.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the wave of the future. That's where I learned to goodbye depression by denting my navel. I think that we are going to go to a place called alt.fans.dragons. And the reason for that is that there's going to be dragons there. Ooh. Here be dragons. Would there be fans of dragons there?

I believe so. Maybe just fans for dragons. Maybe fans sold to dragons. Dragon fans. Oscillating fans. Okay. So I think we're going to start off this is a document provided to us

by Shell Game the commissar of extra credit thank you very much Shell Game and this first post is called is it called post in Usenet? whatever anyway this first one is called they called it a missive back then

it's a missive this first missive back then. It's a missive. This first missive is called A New Dragon Enters Your Ranks. I'm Darkov the Scholar. My name is Darkov, and I have studied dragons and dragonkind for several years. As a child, I was fascinated by these majestic creatures. Where did they originate? What did they

look like? Were they friend or foe? Do they still exist? My interest is carried over into my lifestyle, and I now practice meditation, astrology, martial arts, and other arts. You know, just other arts.

Painting. Yeah, finger just other arts. Painting. Yeah, finger painting, do some basket weaving. Practicing my didgeridoo. Ballet, tap, modern dance. Anything to help me find the truth. If I were a dragon, I would see myself as a grey,

as this typically represents knowledge and humility. As we all know. Very humble Darkov the Scholar. Would you like to be surprised by me? Yes. Okay. I am a heavy gamer.

A heavy gamer, you say? Wait, do you play a lot of games, or? That's not up to you to decide. No, I am quite young. I will not disclose my age yet. I also read a lot. Such as Aragon, Dragon Riders of Pern, The Sword of Truth, The Magician,

and other fantasy epics. It's really easy to sell things to me. I found this group through the Wikipedia and I am... Through the Wikipedia I found this group and I am intrigued at what the rest of this group believes about Dragonkind, how it's affected

us, them, how it's affected them, and what the customs are. The last sentence I have to say to you, my final sentence, Darkov. So what the dragon group thinks about dragons? What does the dragon group think about dragons?

Pro or con? I don't know. Let's find out. Just as a fun aside that is not terribly relevant, the Wikipedia, I have been informed by people who have been Wikipedia editors, is in fact the correct way to refer to Wikipedia. Wait, really? Like so many other Wikipedia minutia, it is unfun.

Like, just the entire world got a little bit less funny knowing that. I've only read one post in this dragon form, and I'm already enlightened. Frank West, your name is Kalos Kalayer? Yes, I am Kalos Kalayer. Welcome. So you found us through Wikipedia,

huh? Thank you. What? Tell me. What do you think about it? I wrote the article. What tell me? What do you think about it? I wrote the article Nice Very nice, Kalos As for my beliefs

Well, all I know for certain Is that I've always wanted to be one A belief, I guess I believe I want to be one. I believe that I can be a belief. I generally see myself as being kind of a dark green color. I don't

know what it could mean, if anything. But it seems right. More right than any other color. Yeah, that's because that's how people draw fucking dragons. They draw them green. Dash, dash, new line, dash, callous.

Hello, it's me again, Darkov. The Wikipedia entry was informative, to say the least. It was simple but detailed. The color of dragon one finds themselves depicted as in their mind is often reflective of their personality and traits. The draconic color green often means that the associate... I'm going to re-read the... I'm going to recite

the Wikipedia article that you just told me you wrote back to you. That's what's going to happen. Ah, I see you're a true scholar. Since we're all dragons and we're immortal, we've got all fucking day. I wrote the article about dragon colors. I don't know what color I am and what it means, though.

So the color green often means the associated person or avatar, if you will, typically is gentle, helpful, but not without limits. Their temper, if kept in check whenever possible, but will bite if provoked. I thought they breathed fire. Anyway, green will bite. if provoked. I thought they breathed fire. Anyway, green. The temper will bite. Green also means that the avatar is connected to Gaia,

or the Earth Mother. 25 years ago, you said? Yes, yes. And, yeah, not the game. I didn't want to specify. Not Gaia Online. And enjoys nature much. Are you an elemental dragon?

More information can often be derived from this elemental power they wield. Also, if you see yourself as a dark color, it may mean that you tend to brood upon negativity in private, often pondering fate and the problems that it has brung. Mo' fate, mo' problems. And then, Zarla, your name is Pegasus? You're on the wrong phone room.

It's just a name. Like, names can cross different species. I guess that's true. My parents wanted me to be a Pegasus, but I had to be true to myself. Waves, hello there, I'm not a dragon. Get out! Wait, let me finish, please. I'm so lonely.

Putting soap in sheets. We dragons finally got a space for ourselves here on Usenet, and people just don't respect that. But, well, I can be with a little bit of magic, but You're on use, Neddin'. People just don't respect that. For us. But, well, I can be with a little bit of magic. But that's only sometimes.

So I'm sort of a dragon. More often than not, I take the form of a white, blue, purple pegasi. Although it's not my true form. Just a dragon, I promise. Nice to meet you, Darkov. Enjoy your stay and wear of the Penguins! Oh boy. We got an in-joke that probably...

It's Usenet, so it's probably based on Monty Python. It's 2006. And then, Victor, your name is Lord Flamestrike with a Y. Goddamn right it is. Well, I'll almost guarantee you'll be wrong about me and what black

dragons stand for. Since as far as I know, I fit none of the descriptions or emotions that fit the color black. Lord Flame Strike. It's me, the scholar again. Black dragons are

well, gee, I'll need some time to think. And then I posted an ellipsis, and that was enough time to think. Black dragons are often dominant in their environment, although they're not necessarily evil. They enjoy inspiring awe, sometimes even fear in others. Black dragons often also have a wicked sense of humor and enjoy scaring people or otherwise making them uncomfortable for a laugh. That's all I can sense for now. I am only dominant in my magic, and that took me a good million or so years of dedicated study to it.

In this case, you're partly right about me. And I'm not evil. At least, I don't think I am. Others might have a different opinion. I'm not really into fear, but all dragons are awe-inspiring. The only time I was into inspiring fear was when I had gone insane.

And then as much fear as I could create for one species was my goal. And I succeeded all too well. Until they died. You're not evil. So, when insane for all but got better? I don't enjoy scaring people for a laugh or not. And I don't intend to make them uncomfortable. I prefer good, clean fun that all parties can enjoy.

And making others uncomfortable doesn't allow them to enjoy the fun as well. Lord Flame Jeff Dunham. So we're going to go to the next thread here. The next thread, Boots, I'm not going to tell you what your name is because you're going to tell me what your name is. Okay. The next thread is called Old Topic, New Again. What would one do if the world found itself in the company of dragons? Yes, my name is simply...

Hold on, that's an anonymous hippo. Luke Skywalker. Nope, okay. please. Hold on. That's an anonymous hippo. Luke Skywalker. Nope. Okay. My name is. Let me see. Yeah.

Ha. That's my. Reef. Yes. Yeah. Yes. And yeah. Ha.

You got it exactly right, too. Exactly. But you can call me Tim. About half of that was just Mario noise noise so i figured in the spirit of one of the conversation starters i replied to i would add my own more than just finding itself in the company of dragons though if some percentage of people found themselves dragons one in a hundred thousand perhaps even fewer what do you do if one of those lucky or unlucky few are you i it seems like you're asking me questions, but I do not understand the question.

You do not understand the riddle of the dragon? I sure don't, I'm sorry. Oh man, you're not going to make it into the temple this way. What about if you are not one of them? Oh, never mind, that helps now. Either way, how do you think the world would respond?

Those that felt themselves dragons before and change end up for all intents and purposes, the closest biologically feasible on earth version of their dragon selves. For example, me, the Eshin would not be able to live at 20 meters in earth gravity so i would be scaled down perhaps to a more manageable five to ten meters

which brings up another point dealing with differences dealing with differences between hoped for draconic form and reality. What if you turned into a dragon, but your dick was still small? God damn it! That's why I went through this whole thing! Bad dragon. I'll reply later. Bad dragon. Because I need to head towards work,

but I'm looking forward to seeing everyone else's replies just gotta get a little closer and i'll log back on all right i'll set up base camp at fifth and parkney i gotta get in range of their wi-fi signing off Signing off And then Victor You once again are Lord Flamestrike Lord Flamestrike If anyone got their true form back And I didn't, I would end it all

I'm hovering at the edge As it is, and something like that Would devastate me Even if I got the closest Biologically feasible on earth version I wouldn't be happy I need to be myself So that was your entire post. and I rarely, if ever, leave an enemy alive for long. Lord Flame Strike. So that was your entire post, but Shell Game, hopefully, has, just this time and this time only, included your signature.

So it starts out with, like, so there's, like, a dragon code, which is, like, a furry code, but it's a dragon code. I looked up, I tried to find a dragon code, which is like a furry code, but it's a dragon code. I looked up, I tried to find a dragon code decoder, and I found a defunct website, and I found another defunct website, and I found a site that has binaries that you can download to decode the dragon code, but I have not found a website that will decode it. I don't know if I like butt stuff, but you better work for it.

I'm not just gonna tell you. So, Lord Flamestrike, you have a whole bunch of kinks that I think the entire world will never know. I did? And then under those, what does it say? It says Draco Nygrum

Oculi Ruber Suppositus Magus Holder of the Scroll of Nobility from Lady Viriatha, Keeper of the Wand of Sparklies in its case from Hex. Wait a minute, are you Deanna Troi's mom? Wielder of the Lady Viri

Signature 4x8 from Easeable, Eater of the Mint Cheesecake from Whisper, Mate to Lady Viriatha, Owner of Flamestrike's Windex Factory, Lord Balloon Maker, Mint Cheesecake!

That's why you get a title for eating, L.M. Borrower of the Ebony Wood Fife from Luxados, Acceptor of the Small Statue of a Green Dragon covered in ice cream toppings from Juniper. Oh, I could possibly. Employer of a Miniature Jester Doll from Seaking.

Bearer of the Magic Everbill from Seaking. Carrier of the Gold Piece from Whisper. Builder of Dragonfire Keep. First Dragon of Realism. There we go. Giver of the Pickaxe of Icebreaking to Kalos. Winner of the Shiny Riddle Award from Pegasus.

Wearer of the Big Shiny Medal of Postingness from Pegasus. How much more of this is there? Taker of the Gold Medal from Post in March 2007, 369. Acquire of the little blue flower from Pegasus. Require of the dot sig barber as informed by Lady Viriatha. Adopter of the scale of remembrance from Greywing.

Okay, Harold, I've already left the throne room. I don't care who you're introducing. I'm going away. These are the only accomplishments I've've ever had you have to listen to all of them sick chivos bro and then uh frank west uh your name is uh bard bloom at some point i did find what the dragon code describes and i would like to read that at some point oh fantastic yeah how much of it is bread stuff uh relatively little really interesting interesting yeah but i can be i can do bard bloom i don't think you've decoded the dragon code fully then that's pretty much the main plot of my book mating flight seen from the dragon's point of view uh so you want to hear

about it, right? That's why we're here. I'm used to getting that response when I tell people, do you want to hear about my dragon book? I'm only walking away to find a better seat with good acoustics. I'll be right back, I swear. I'm going to drink.

It's on a high-tech world named Hov, not Earth. Wow. Wow. Wow. It's a world that's not named Earth but something else? Fuck. I'm hooked. But wait, there's more.

And they've got massive ray guns instead of nukes, right? Wow. And hold on, hold on. I don't think you've heard this one in Alternate World before. They like to fly zeppelins more than we do. So like any, like any at all. They like to fly zeppelins a little bit. I like that it's like to fly zeppelins,

not we have zeppelins instead. It's just we prefer zeppelins. Just enjoy them more. So now that I've said all the things that set it apart, they do have quasi-Italian food, and Ferris wheels, and sophisticated armies, and very nice

hotels, and all the other essentials. Those are the four essentials. This is a good book. It's Chicago, I think. It's earthy enough for most purposes. Like Chicago. Like Chicago. Yeah, it's Chicago.

Are you saying that Peter Cetera is a dragon? Do you want some rigatoni or a sophisticated army? We got it all. We got it all. The politics of the situation get very, very messy when one dragon decides that the Hoven version of the European Union would make a nice wedding gift. But why? What? Oh, that's fun.

Congratulations on your nuptials. Here's the European Union. Yeah? The whole thing. The whole thing. Anyways, if you want an EPUB or a Kindle version of the first half for free, anyone on this list, just tell me which one and where to send it. Motherfuckers hustling. Okay, well, you know, we're not going to get this free Kindle EPUB, but I did find your book there, Mating Flight, on Amazon. It's going to cost the exorbitant

price of 99 cents. Frank West, would you describe... Your name is Bard Bloom, by the way. That's your author name. The title, the cover of the book is hideous. But Frank West, will you please give me a synopsis of your book?

It's... It's finally time for Jyothki and eight other misfit adolescent dragons to go off on an unexplored, dragon-free universe and decide who will marry whom. Are they dragons then? Well, it's not going to be dragon free anymore that's dragons dragons fuck so hard that they need to go to a whole universe where there's no other dragons around they're astral dragons mighty and arrogant with devastating breath weapons and vast magical powers, and they're not even there to conquer the place. What kind of trouble could the natives possibly be? Even civilized and technologically

sophisticated natives. Or the mind-controlling parasite worms, or the undead god, or any of Hov's other surprises. What else can I find on TV Tropes? Maybe quite a lot of trouble, but not as much as they will bring upon themselves. Wow, what a plot.

What a plot! We're gonna move on here, and Zarla, your name is Lost Drake. Lost Drake, and I think you said you wanted to start out on a new scale? My name is Lost Drake, and I think you said you wanted to start out on a new scale? Uh, my name is Lost Drake, and I'm sorry to those who I may have offended, if I did, and wish to restart myself on a new, less hostile,

Sill, or is that two double I's? Sigh? Yeah, S-I-I, I think. C, uh, front claws. My name is Grey Wing, um... You said it was Lost Drake. No, no think. C, front claws. My name is Gray Wing. You said it was Lost Drake. No, it's Gray Wing now. We've moved on.

You're going to need to start out on a new scale again. Okay, so just... I've got a lot of new skills. I'm a dragon. Okay. My name is Gray Wing. A young, slender, and lightly muscled medium-sized male. Lightweight and have beautiful sleek and large wings.

I thank my ancestors for them. Thank you, ancestors. Thank you. I have sky blue eyes. The poem from before is truly my philosophy. No, philosophi. I may smell of woods, for I have been part of no group. I'm a feral or was

I value trust truth freedom and friendship I may have some orthodox beliefs dragon by lefts please accept accept my apology and give me another try

to be who I actually am sincerely a dragon's hope lost Drake Greywing. Okay. I've got three names now. Jesus. We're going to move into the next section here. I just got a question. Frank West, you've got Pyros,

Root-a-cool, Root-a-lick-a, Root-ool Rutilica and then another word as well. So my question to you, Pyros, there is can someone explain fruiting? As one of the resident new dragons that's just my role. I have to do rounds

as the dragon. I've been a new dragon for seven years. So yeah, so I'm a resident new dragon, and I was wondering if someone could explain this concept to me. Yes, I am Pyros Rutilicus. Oh, there it is. Thank you. Those who have been at AFD a long while are sometimes referred to as fruits,

or oldie fruities, for reasons... Nice! For reasons that have long since disappeared from memory. One's fruiting

day is the anniversary of one's first post to AFD. Yeah, hi, I'm Ray! Hi, Ray. I'm Ray. Or alternatively, if one subscribes to that fruitiness as a state of mind idea, rather than a purely temporal measure, when one

realizes one's part of the furniture, yeah! And since I haven't said hi yet, Audge, a warm, if slightly belated, welcome to the Wangtoodle of Dragons! Aww. Okay, okay, okay.

We have fun here. Aye, there's that as well. Fruitiness is often viewed as a state-of-mind business as well, although typically if someone refers to a specific fruiting day they're referring to the temporal definition

how come you didn't come to my fruiting day sir I'm aware did you not you said the email was marked as read I was astral projecting I feel like I wish you would have astral projected at least like regrets. I mean, I projected to the party.

If you didn't see me, perhaps you haven't developed astral projection. Oh, no, no. I'm very powerful. I can tell when people are astral projecting into parties that I've met. Yeah. And as a side note, a part of the furniture. I have to remember that one. Oh man, how do I pronounce? Okay.

That's licking your tongue out while smiling. While also being Pete's dragon. Yes. It's me, Ray again. True. I do have a date when I realized I was regarded as a fruit, but I don't market in any way. How dare you, sir?

And then in response to partner furniture, Britishism. Meh. Okay. Okay. Okay. And then Victor, close this one out with worm a worm w-y-r-m worm wyrum wyrum you are old old fruit was simply a term to call those who seemed like they've been on the news group forever it had no connection to one's first anniversary i mean come on it's

a nice way of calling someone old. It's also a common Britishism, which is where it originates from. Is it? You're obviously not British. I guess I'm not. That's true. I can tell by your accent, unlike me. Then some started

using the term young nut to refer to newbies, because a nut is the start of the growth of a plant. Check out my mixtape. I'm young nut. A nut is the start of the growth of a plant, the fruit being the end product. Zarla, you have somebody by the name of Dragon Lover, so just prepare yourself for being somebody by the name of Dragon Lover.

And while you're preparing, I'm going to tell you something. My name's Hans Mark Olsen. A dragon comes in your bed! Oh, no. Yeah! Oh, yeah! Oh, no. You're in bed. Alone.

Nude. Suddenly and without warning, a dragon comes in your bed! What do you do? Hold your breath. Dragon's fucking beds. Find my quarters, go to the laundry.

I am dragon lover. I give myself to her and make her eggs complete if it would work that way. Well, you don't believe this, but ever since Dragon Tales came on, wench, it first started coming on. I started having these on and off dreams, on and off vivid dreams of me playing, horsing around, flying, and socializing with those Dragon Tales dragons. And I was a fucking man!

One of them dealt with them meeting face-to-face with their distant relatives, those hard-winged dragons. There was a situation that they didn't trust these little gentle dragons, but since they were just visiting and didn't eat of the fauna the big dragons normally hunt, they were tolerated for a little while. Everything was fine until one of the big dragon young went after one of the small dragons and there was a retreat. I actually have a desire, a desire, for one of the characters on the show, Wheezy, which is full of surprises, horns, and noisemakers. I once dreamed of me in bed with her and she tooted a horn to try to get me going.

It doesn't work with me. Oh, for you. That was for you. That was right for you. It doesn't work with me, since I am used to loud noises. I've been trying to get someone to draw something of her smoking on a hookah. Yeah, I bet you did, buddy. It might just be my Google,

but Googling for Dragon Tails Wheezy auto completes to dragon tales wheezy feet oh dear it does remember your previous searches frank yeah well i've looked for dragons and i've looked for feet but i never realized i could just combine them yeah that's that's called efficiency

got feet in my dragons uh yeah i i like so uh just did all of these Combine them. Yeah, that's called efficiency. Got feet in my dragons. Yeah, I like... So just in all of these things, the Shell game is posted here. Shell game has given us dates. So a dragon come from your bed was originally posted in November of 2004. Oh my God, you're right.

Yeah, so I really love Dragon Lover being like, oh, I get horny by cartoons. I want someone to draw horny cartoons. I hope eventually the entire world comes to me. It's a real mountain to Muhammad situation. Somebody mentioned the word dragon. Can I talk to you about dragon tales, please? Okay.

Okay, so, Victor. Yes? We're going to learn about how to be a dragon in the world. Oh. And this post here, you're, I believe you're Lizard, but you just spelled it terribly. I think I might be Ilzard. Okay, that's also possible. That's a better name anyway.

So yeah, what do you want to talk about here? Well, I was wondering. A lonely traveler enters your lair, and you watch from the shadows, grinning at a free meal. Strangely, the traveler removes a shiny item from his backpack,

lays it neatly on your floor and stands up to leave intrigue and curiosity draw you out of hiding he notices turns unafraid this human is different as i am different he is showing compassion for understanding wisdom and courage i was wondering lunch anyone clever i was actually wondering what kind of human companion would you have if you were a solitary creature like myself but poetry got in the way the way. Hmm? What?

Hello. My name is Anvil, and that is a required field. I'm left with an asterisk. No, it's a carrot, isn't it? No, no, it is an asterisk. No, no, that's an asterisk. Yeah, that's an asterisk. So, horizontal rule. Thoughts drift by.

Colon. Horizontal rule. New HTML tag. horizontal rule thoughts drift by colon horizontal rule new html tag outliving last companion c suggested twins before passing close html tag new html tag seeming indifferent currently searching not for such close tag open tag feeding strays only those by happenstance close tag horizontal rule anvil require feel uh boost you've got uh

kel-kel-uhs kalonzia kalonzia open tag open tag raises an iridge close tag twins really i knew she was Open tag. Open tag. Raises an eye ridge. Close tag. Twins.

Really? I knew she was special. Smiles. Such a lovely lady. I'm sure you miss her. Hugs. And watch out for those strays. Sometimes they bite the hand that feeds them. Snuggles.

That was a wet one. Snuggles. Quell, I am my own companion. I suppose you would have to be. Talking to herself? Winky smiley. Anvil required field. Horizontal rule. Thought thoughts drift by colon horizontal rule

open tag specifically twins at 37 plus or minus close tag open tag recalling her more active or enjoyable period close tag open tageming too distant dreams now, fewer and or changed. Close tag. Wearing time, even iron, refusing rust. However,

close tag, horizontal rule, anvil required field. What? Huh? There's a bunch, there's a bunch of Anvil in this document And it's always that style

It's the worst haiku I've ever read It's a rogue AI wandering around Really poorly made AI too Oh is it That's supposed to be like English translation of dragon speech, isn't it? Oh, holy shit.

Yeah. Because it always starts thoughts drift by. Yeah, it's like telepathic dragon communication. Oh my god. That makes sense. That's very good.

This is one of the writers for Baldur's Gate. Zarla, I'm going to give you a choice here. You've got a choice. And one is the post that starts out, Dear fellow members of Alfondra. And the other one starts out, My dad asked if I wanted a drink from the gas station.

I don't know. Gas sounds pretty delicious. Okay, alright. You going for the gas station, then? Yeah. Okay, so this thread is called Family. And, yeah, you're Dream Seeker. I'm Dream Seeker.ker haha my dad asked if i wanted a drink from the gas station and i asked him to get my any kind of sobi energy drink he

got me the kind called dragon going so far even to say in a voice that let me know it was no coincidence i got you dragon hope you like it i've talked about the dragon thing before saying as i did in another thread yesterday, how I believe that if it's true, then that's probably what I am, and he accepted it. He's very cautious about spiritual stuff, claiming not to believe any of it. He went back to

mowing the lawn with his headphones on. Just nodding. And yet he participates eagerly in pagan circles and rituals, cause Loki is patron god and things like that. What a fucking terrible choice. Loki, yeah. Like, if you're pagan, you have, like, thousands of choices.

You're like, nah, that one, I think. This was four years before Thor, too, so he doesn't even have that excuse. You're right, yeah. I think he believes more than he wants to admit, Anime's smiley winking. Yeah. How many of you have friends or family whom you can be open with like that? Oh, is that a whom? Wow, okay.

Yeah, I'm Draco 18s. Awesome. My mom's like that. We have fairies around the house and the property and stuff. Why'd you give me this? I just thought that this would be good. I just thought that you, somehow, there was something about you that I thought. That would relate to this?

Yeah, it would relate to Draco 18-S. Just something about you. I don't know what it was. I was just talking about my mom. You were talking about your mom, and then you had a fact. You had a fact you wanted to share about your mom, Draco 18-S. God damn it. Boots, rain gear. So what about your mom? I will say I love

my mother. Anyway, she's my mother. She's a Reiki master. So she's open to all kinds of weird things. Weird? What's weird? What's the so in there? I don't understand. My name's

Open Rebel. I tell my friends a lot about myself. I'm sure you do. Do you believe that? They know I have a great affection for dragons and I've told them about otherkin, but I've never outright said I'm a dragon. That manly has to do with the fact that I'm not. I'm human. I admit it.

But there is a facet of myself that is draconic. The facet walks with me, sometimes with me. Distinct, yet not... You all probably understand what I'm getting at. Fucking end of paragraph. When it comes to family, there are just something you don't tell them. I suspect that they will be more than understanding. Definitely not my younger brother.

He's turned into a high school jock. The noted enemy of the dragon. Yes, there is a coming war. We will burn the football fields. Crush their baseballs beneath our feet. Salty end zones. Yeah, anyway, I'm happy with my relationship with them and I don't want to get started

complicating it. In either case, being a human or a dragon doesn't change who I am or how I act, although I've noticed I can color it. My human self is primary. The dragon me only usually takes presence when meditating of interacting with my fellow of

antolvrians. That was a great sentence. I like that one. Frank West, I believe that you were asking me a question. You were asking me where I felt that I sit this month. Yeah.

Okay, that's... You read my mind? Yeah, like some things, they transcend human language, you know, like like it's a primitive tongue that you guys speak. And so I got to kind of draw a diagram with ASCII. So, OK, let's say let's say we have like a chart. Right. And on the left side is human. And on the right side is dragon.

Right. on the left side is human, and on the right side is dragon. Right? So, where I feel I sit this month is like, it's sort of like in the human, but not like superhuman, but like mostly in the, like, less than 50% in the human. That's cat face. To add a little more perspective, I'll use Second

Life as an example of how I would portray myself. I don't currently have an account, so this is hypothetical. I'm just going to use specific details of second life. I use second life. This is the most...

These are so many layers removed from anything. Oh, man. You know, sometimes I have dreams, though. I have dreams. Myself, open rebel. If I did have an account, I would actually set up two avatar. One human, likely with markings, for my dragon self, and another for my full dragon self. Then I'd have a slider so that I could switch between the two. And here's what I would definitely do.

I'd do up nice animations for it. For real. Likely with a half-mid-dragon state, like a human with wings and a tail. You could call me a shapeshifter at that point, although I'll very likely be conservative about that claim. And then my actual human name. I like that this guy had to use second life.

My real name that you can find in the phone book. That's what I used. No, I can't just have you visualize this. You have to think about it in second life, because that's the only way I can visualize it. I've never played it before, but I understand there's some sort of furry fucked up thing. Perhaps one day I will be blessed enough played it before, but I understand there's some sort of furry fucked up thing. Perhaps

one day I will be blessed enough to have a free game on my computer. And experience the beauty. You know, every time I see a screenshot from Second Life, I go, whew, that looks good. This is visually un-repellent.

Okay, so let's see here. I think we're going to learn about dragon slayers. I know it's a heavy subject. I don't want to bring anything down. But, you know, by knowing thigh enemy, we can unleash thigh unveiling. So anyway, so I think, Victor, if you will take the thread called Undefeating Magic Using Dragonslayers. This was posted in August of 1999.

Wow. Yeah. It's still relevant today. So true. This is why they've managed to keep the dragon slayers at bay. Oh my god, this is long. You can skip.

Feel free to skip if you like. Chris and Lynn, tell us about dragon slayers. Alright, this is long but very useful. I've noticed that human magic can rarely effect dragons in your discussion of techniques for fight dragon slayers.

However, what about when it can? I have the answer for this, being quite adept at magic myself. Generally, spellcasting humans can't take much physical damage, even by human standards is that true boots uh in dnd is that is that true say what never mind so if the human is a spellcast oh yeah you should try a physical attack yeah if you push a wizard they'll fall right over

yep slap that yeah yeah it's. Wizard tipping is a popular hobby. That's why they have that hat. They just spin around like a dreidel. So if the human is a spellcaster, try a physical attack. However, they generally have some kind of magical barrier to block physical attacks.

So if you run into a human mage, do not use your breath weapon. If they're in the dragon slaying profession They probably have a barrier Which will reflect it back at you It's best to prepare for this situation I keep many heavy rocks in and around my lair To drop on these humans

You need a rock barrier then If that doesn't work Which it won't usually So you've mastered You've mastered human magic But haven't yet ascended to spear. Then there's still the ground they are standing on. If you're large and strong enough, which we know we all are, hit the ground so it shakes. This can break the wizard's concentration, and many spells are dependent on concentration.

Stun attack! And this enchanted item is being used. If you aren't, try to dig your claws or tail into the ground underneath him and toss him into the air. Since the barriers don't keep him from touching the ground, or he couldn't have moved himself to your lair, when he lands he'll get... God damn it.

We're just going through. This is useful. This could save your life. This is some real rope-a-dope shit right here. You don't have to worry as much about getting close to human mages since they aren't physically strong. If you can use magic yourself, learn the strongest barrier spell you can to reflect spells byak at their caster

and also learn some attack spells of your own, ones which wouldn't harm you but which would harm a human oh okay uh yeah yeah what's the worst what's the worst case scenario yeah let's now for the worst case scenario a human warrior with enchanted equipment which reflects breath weapons and spells back at you more enchanted equipment which can send attack spells at you and can't be gotten close to due to the fact that then his sword or arrows can penetrate

your scales or skin at close range. You can't use the same tactic of throwing him up in the air at close range. That's the exact scenario I fear. I have nightmares about this. If he's gone to Spencer Gifts, you're screwed. The best way to handle this is to rig your

layer, L-A-Y-E-R, with as many traps which are deadly to humans as possible. Oh, so you trap your Photoshop layer. If this isn't possible, and you can't use magic, then run! Oh!

Okay, okay. That's how you deal with a dragon slayer, folks. You just get the fuck out. What about, like, flying? Can't you fly? If you can fly, do so to get away, and if you can't, run, and hope he can't go faster than you.

Dragon slayers in the car. If he can go faster than you, you're dead. If you can use magic and he has all of the above, prepare for the worst fight of your entire life, one which you might not survive. You had better hope you're good enough with magic to know some spells to penetrate his defenses. You know, they say when you're running from a dragon slug, you don't actually have to be faster than the dragon slug. You have to be faster than the dragon next to you. Now, Frank, if you manage to run away, get together every dragon you can, preferably ones that can use magic, and get that dragon slayer.

Yeah, get him. Get him. Get him. Get him. And once you kill him, try your best to either destroy his equipment or put it where no mortal can ever use it again. To keep other dragon slayers from using it to become just as powerful as the one you just killed. Sincerely, Prism Wind. Thanks, Prism Wind.

Thanks, Prism Wind. That's the wisdom of a thousand years. You've saved some lives, present wind. So yeah, your advice is, uh, if you want to kill dragon players, be stronger than them. Yeah.

Fight him unless you can't. And then run unless you can't. Then die. Grind up some levels. Then die. Then die, but hopefully don't. Try to not.

That would be a failure scenario, in my opinion. Make sure to save often. What you got, Boots? Oh, yes, yes, yes. My name is Mistwing Silvertail. Just throwing my

experiences in, I've only encountered three Dragonslayers, each of which was the mightiest dragon slayer ever. At least, that's what they told me. In each case, I had a very effective way of dealing with them. I went ghost, slipped my talons into their chest, and pulled out their hearts. Oh, wow. Fatality. Worked every

time. Every time? Every time you pulled out their heart, it just totally worked. Yes. Did they just give up at that point? Did they surrender? Yes. Give me that bag. I need that.

Jeff the Heartless. How far after Temple of Doom did this post get made? It was 1999. So he turned into a ghost, he ripped out his heart, and then he went, Nice try! And since my going ghost isn't magical,

I caught each of them off guard since their magic defenses wouldn't work. Delightful. As for leg traps, in my case, it's pointless. I have no lair or hoard. I live in the land. Fucking, fucking freegan. I am a

yurt dragon. I have a word for that. It's called a bum. And then, Zarla, you are moon dragon? I am moon dragon. Appears out of background wearing his space exoskeleton and bio armor.

First, hold on a second here, young one. When a dragon isn't a magic using type like me, we use science. What's with all this talk about magic? Where do you get this power from? We of the space dragon variety like to use our minds and project mental blasts that would go through

any physical shield and power shield. Besides, I have Betsy here, pats his blaster. She can fire through adamantium like hot knife through whipped cream. Oh, adamantium, you say. That real thing that exists in the world. Yeah, I can also blast through adamantium

because it's a comic book. Also, that real expression, like a hot knife through whipped cream. That's right. And you just got nailed by Moon Dragon, the curry-loving dragon. I mean, have you ever tried to cut butter? It's genuinely difficult.

What the hell? Knife just goes boing, boing, boing, boing. Do your reps cut the butter? Gotta build those forearms. So, my name's Fernan, and this post is very simply just called Magic.

And, yeah, so this was June of 2015, and does anyone know where I can start learning magic? I don't just want to walk blindly into it, recommending a book to to star with or a website or something would be nice. And then, Victor, you are Lord Flamestrike again?

Sorry. All I know of magic comes to me instinctually. My magic doesn't work on this world yet. And I don't have the patience to start out at the bottom again lord flame strike i just want to try to explain and hopefully solve why i can't remember very much i have a scientific explanation but the solution even there points to magic i'm also curious and want to learn if you're saying that magic doesn't work on this world the only thing i can think of is that like okay so magic works like a controlled form of energy.

Yes, right? Okay. If that is true, then either of these are maybe are true. Okay? There is a problem with the energy source or the human race has forgotten how to naturally control it or anything you know of magic would be helpful nonetheless. I'm just saying the magic i know doesn't work on this world not that magic itself doesn't work on this world if i claimed that my mate would explain to me once again that magic does work on this world just not the way i'm trying to use it well i said

magic works in the controlled form of energy yes yes if that's true then maybe these are true blah blah blah bunch of words the problem is that in order to perform magic you have to know it works and know it will work for you any trace of doubt at all will make it not work this is why most humans cannot work magic they think think that magic doesn't exist. And why I can't do that bending spoon thing if you keep looking at me, Steven. Or that it won't work for them, and thus, for them, it

won't. Okay, so anything you know of magic would be helpful nonetheless. I know too much about magic to put in a post. Bam! And yet, most of what I... And yet I can't cast magic. Look, I know too much about magic to put into a post

and yet most of what I do know I don't have access to like most of my memories. Fuck. Wait, so you do know it but you can't access it? See, the way I used magic at the level I'd achieved was almost instinctive. I'd think on something, the workings would come to me, and I'd use them.

Even now I see things and figure out what I need to do, but the formulae and the channeling I try to use don't work here. Perhaps it's just that I'm trying too much with too little power. Perhaps this world can't do what I'm trying to do. It's the world's fault. power. Perhaps this world can't do what I'm trying to do. It's the world's fault. But what I do know is that if I try to start all

over again at the bottom of the magical studies, I'll become impatient and give it up. I may be a dragon, but patience has never been my strong suit. Still, if you have questions, perhaps I can answer them. I don't hide my email address. You can reach me there.

Lord Flame Strike. Skip in my post. We're going to go to your next one there, Victor. Flame Strike, you said that you were in the army you left. Was that in a war? Sort of. It was part of a colonization. My job was to go to worlds chosen by a group that were inhabited and to remove the inhabitants by any means necessary.

Coexistence wasn't an option for them. Okay, so skipping down a little bit, sounds like they made an attempt here or something similar, like refugees from the dragon and Earth's past? If they had come here, humans would not have been here. You said you left this army. Why, if you don't mind me asking? Because I was taught honor and humility by one of the inhabitants I had been sent to remove. Aw.

Heartwarming. Heartwarming. Yep. Oh, my God. This is... Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like, I mean, I'm not positive that I'm a sock puppet in this particular thing. But all I do is just go, Metal Gear?

I've been posting it for ten years and no one's asking me about my cool backstory. Keep hinting at it. Nobody picks up on it. I can't do something awesome because I'm too awesome. I totally have magic. She's just in another high school, in another country. You wouldn't know my spellbook.

It's in Canada. Okay, so book it's in canada uh okay so uh coming down very very much to the end here uh but this one uh okay well cool uh this thread is called becoming a dragon uh and uh zarla uh your name is scott scott the dragon scott the Dragon. It's August 2007. Draconic Scott. I was re-watching Buffy and in season three, the big bad is a guy wanting to become a full demon. He has to do certain rituals and pay off other demons.

This got me thinking, what would it take to become a dragon? Any thoughts? Frank, take Darkseid real quick. This assumes that one is not already a dragon Does it not? Oh good, it's Lord Flamestrike again For me No, I'm Darkseid

Oh, Darkseid Got him For me, coming into physical contact with my true form is all I need. For others, it might be simpler or more complex. I don't know. Lord Flamestrike. Yeah, I'm Simon Richard Clarkston. Hell yeah.

Which is probably my real name. Well, you could get the Zala to cooperate. Some of their yellow crystal will do the trick in less than a day, assuming that you have the precise specification of the species you want to become. I do not know the details. URL. Yeah. You can get a fair amount of modification in the right direction

done with some current medical technology. Oh, wow. I am hacking. In a couple decades, which might be now, you should be able to get the appropriate cybernetics. This takes a lot of money

and surgery. It's a palatora. There is already someone who made a cybernetic tail, but it is purely external, not anchored to the spine. So it tends to wobble about when it flexes.

Also, it gets through lots of... It goes... It gets through lots of batteries. Though there is good control system available without any sensory feedback. For a totally different approach

to slightly different ends, research lucid dreaming. And this is all how I become a dragon? This is how you become a dragon. There's a whole wiki on it somewhere. You wouldn't become a dragon. I give a link to this. Anyway, you wouldn't become a dragon from anyone else a link to this. Anyway, you wouldn't become a

dragon from anyone else's point of view, but you would feel like one when you were dreaming yet would, as far as I can tell, be properly conscious. That will take weeks slash months of practice. Finally, you can have one as your avatar in Second Life or similar

or you can be a furry and dress up as one. And or you can pretend to be Alan online. Pretend to be a dragon online? Wow. Link to dragoncode.org, which is a site that no longer exists. No longer exists. Is that enough ways?

How do you pretend to be a dragon online? I don't know, man. That's like four different documents you just sent us, so... And then just to close out this episode, Zarla, if you'll take the very, very last thing in the document, please. Let's see. You mean Tex Yodi? Yep.

Dreamed I was a dragon again in March 2004. My name is Tex Yodi. This time I was blowing fire on stuff as some peeps and I were trying to hunt down this vampire woman and kill her. That is all. Thanks, Tex. Thanks, Tex. That is all. Thank you. You can leave.

What did we learn from any of this, Fplus? Dragons are great. Second life. Usenet was fun. Even, like, this is, like like past the natural lifespan of usenet really it sure is yeah some of these were 2015 yeah that's what i'm saying so so these people were yeah like they they found out they found a home uh they're ageless and undying and

they're gonna stay there forever yeah like usenet they've been on usenet for 100 years age just seems right because nothing seems to have changed from them before to now like dragons are still the same there's been three threads posted this year so i mean you couldn't tell the difference though i mean like in like in all of the material that we were looking at there there wasn't obvious differences between the 1999 stuff and the 2014 stuff. No. That's the thing. It feels like

people who do this kind of thing have moved on in the ways that they do it, but these people... The most recent post, or the most recent thread, starts with a Dragon Code, so they really have not moved on. Where are they finding these dragon code things? So much of a hard time finding...

Oh, and the dragon code is so complicated. Here is my dragon code for funsies, a whole bunch of characters. You're right, that was funsies. It's fun. And it's... Like, it's strange because it seems like there were general furry codes before, but it seems like most furries have let him go, but dragons have not let them go at all.

Like, they're sticking with it. It's sort of a proto-furry kind of situation. They also seem to be, I think, and the people that we read specifically, seem to be, like, uniquely poor at, like, composing a thought. Like, just the idea of, like, the first-to-last letter, like, having a sort of tone or, like, point, that really escaped a lot of them. Like, even all of, like, Lord Flamestrike's bragging was just, like, so circuitous.

even all of like lord flame strike's bragging was just like so circuitous it's kind of like they're doing like tone poetry in the form of forum posts rather than attempting to communicate something i guess as you were saying if they all if they are all like um uh you know sort of speaking telepathically i mean those thoughts are going to be messy. And what exists on the Usenet is only as good as Dragon Naturally Speaking. Forty minutes ago, I was like, I'm going to shoehorn Dragon Naturally Speaking at some point. Sure.

I think I made that joke eight years ago. I know. But not in this episode, motherfucker. Actually, looking at the looking at the Usenet group for this, it seems like it was a lot more popular last year. Really?

This year, it's just really, really died down. Discord. They've got a Discord. Oh, is that it? Is it an active Discord? This link doesn't work because it's a link to a sites.google.com so I have no idea.

Well, we've got a website at chefdl.us and a forum called Ball Pits. Is there other things we can do? Yeah, I guess so. Yep. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Find that dragon! Join our online Secret dragon metagame. And here's the wind-up and the pitch. It's a rargh.