The F Plus - 367: Goodbye! Yahoo! Answers!

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

After over 15 years of cultivating some of the dumbest questions The Internet has ever pondered, a series of truly horrific business decisions forced Yahoo Answers to shut down permanently on May 4th of 2021. Our memorial episode may not be timely, it may not be well thought out, and it may not be informative - but in all those ways, this episode is representative of Yahoo Answers itself. This week, The F Plus is burning all our documents (but unrelated to that, Jeff had a fantastic orange)

Whoa! It's a dog on a skateboard! It's a dog on a skateboard! Oh boy, you're here! And you're just in time for the F+. A terrible place with terrible things, but we're gonna read them with enthusiasm. And we've got boost ring Gear. It is not a double standard. UFC fighters get paid millions,

trained for months, during the periods they're getting ready to fight. Children do not ask to be born, let alone ask to be beaten. Smiley face. Victor Laszlo. If the woman is flat chested but has a spare tire around the middle, guys can just play with her waist. It's the exact same thing.

Your friend on the internet is named Adam Bozarth. You're a drama-fied crack queen on steroids. Just shut up and go to bed. Achilles Heelies! If you thought the trolling here was bad, then you only saw Pearl Harbor. I was about to unleash the atomic bomb. Lol.

It's been a while. Welcome back, Jack Chick. Jesus taught us to fish from the right side, never the left. And lemon. Can I tell by the smell of my husband's farts if he's been cheating? Yeah, even through a mask. I know him. He's skank intolerant.

Oh, Lord. Stay just as far from me as me from you. intolerant. Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hello. me your academy hey f plus hi lemon hey hey hey how's everybody doing and lie about it I'm doing so

great boy howdy fan fucking tastic I feel healthy and safe never feel healthy and safe. You feel healthy? Yeah? You feel optimistic? Yeah, absolutely. Everything's coming up jack-chick this year. 2022 is gonna be my year.

Alright, alright, alright. Which sort of, like, Disney show tune do you whistle to yourself these days, Jack-Chick? I mean, I'm always with the one. Please say hi-ho, hi-ho. Please say hi-ho, hi-ho.

Yeah, sure. Hi-ho, hi-ho. You did it. You did it. You fucking reprogrammed it, man. That's what you want. That's amazing. That's amazing.

Like a dog on a skateboard. Hey. Whoa. Whoa. That's amazing, like a dog and a skateboard. Hey, um... Whoa! Okay, so I want to tell, not you folks in the room, because you know, but I want to tell the folks in the audience about this, is that to the audience,

so as you might know, there was a website called Yahoo Answers. website called Yahoo Answers and unfortunately on May 4th of 2021 they shut down Yahoo Answers. Yahoo Answers was destroyed. And that meant that everyone got to do their moratoriums.

Motherfucking John Oliver got to do his moratorium on Yahoo Answers before we did because our plan was well, obviously if Yahoo Answers before we did because our plan was what it – well, OK. Obviously, if Yahoo Answers is going to close down, we need to make like a big deal out of it and like do something that's like pretty spectacular. But then like, you know, motivation is –

I think we're just showing all the timeliness of a Yahoo Answer respondent. We should actually give this a couple more years then. We need like another seven years for that. Alright, see you all in seven years. Bye. 2029, Jack Chick's year.

Thanks for listening, ball pit. Anyway, yeah, so to that end, I'm going to put in front of you a document that Ms. Saturn put together quite lovingly. And it says, in the end of an era, on May 4th, 2021, Yahoo Answers will be shutting down for good. For 16 years, we learned all sorts of things from this font of knowledge, such as how Babi is formed, how you can tell if a woman is prangent, the various ways one can increase their panic size, what happens when you burn a Luigi board, and so much more.

I saw no more fitting tribute than a crowdsourced document from F Plus readers and listeners. So let's find some terrible questions and enthusiastic answers.

So we're going to be looking through a document that was actually provided by a whole bunch of different people, starting with somebody by the name of Lemon.

So this is something that was on Yahoo Answers. And it's posted by James197. And my girlfriend is supposed to man straight on the 6th of next month and we had sex last night. Can she still get pre?

Do you need more what do you want to say like a context to that yeah please so yeah okay cool my girlfriend is supposed to menstruate on the 6th of next month so we had sex last night can she get pregnant her period is always on the 6th and uh and jack chick you are just me The best thing I would recommend right now Would be a contraceptive pill Before it's too late And when did you post that? In reference to when this document was made? One decade ago

Exactly And then, Bozarth, your name is Google Sucks. Not likely. All right. Boots, you got one from Bodark here, right? Yeah. Bodark provided this one from Anonymous. It asked in sports.

Yeah. Really? Okay. Sports, subsection, in sports. Yeah. Really? Okay. Sports, subsection, water sports. Oh, dear. The best kind of sports. Yeah. So let's get down to brass tacks, which is the tax you pay on doorknobs.

What will it cost to have my urethral opening surgically rerouted to the tip of my left index finger? So just the opening? You're looking for an estimate? You're not going to move the urethra. You're just going to move the hole like Wile E. Coyote. You don't want to know if it's possible. You just want to know how much it's going to set you

back. And I'm assuming since this is in sports, they want this so they can provide a jet out of their finger to give them more control. For more control while they're water skiing. That's my assume. That's how Phelps was able to get that speed, man. Victor, I see that Sauce put together

something for you. What do you got there from Sauce? So, could I sue the government and win for liposuction and a tummy tuck? Does that mean that the judge will award for liposuction in a tummy tuck? Does that mean that the judge will award you liposuction? Yes. Here's the story.

I live in Ontario. I'm a sovereign citizen. Eh? Where we like to force silly lockdowns for a fictional virus. Oh dear. Oh dear. That's why you gave this to Victor, huh? I was still Oh, dear. Fuck, when was the... Oh, dear. Oh, that's why you gave this to Victor, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks, Thomas. I was still using Yahoo Answers in coronavirus. Yep, absolutely. Because all these silly lockdowns, he doesn't have anybody else to ask except the internet. What's he going to do, ask Reddit? I mean, Jesus. Yeah, Jeeves isn't around anymore.

During these several ridiculous lockdowns, I've gone through and was treated for severe depression. Being unable to leave my house with depression lead me to weight gain, and now they want to throw us into another lockdown. My stomach grew an extra 20 pounds, and I've started loosing most of it since the last lockdown ended. But I have loose skin around my stomach now.

With the next lockdown coming, I don't know what I'm going to do. This has taken a toll on my mental and physical health. I normally live an active lifestyle, but now I'm confined to live in one room as that's what I can afford to rent. Not even a full apartment, just one room in someone else's house. And with the price of food rising, I can't afford to eat any healthy anymore either. Do you think I can get them to pay for liposuction and a tuck for causing this? I mean, yeah. I mean, they're not paying for food, so why not surgery?

Look, so guys, these are not choices. If I could go out and do things and buy the food I would regularly buy, then I would. The government doesn't allow anyone for inessentials unless they work for the government. No. No, that's how it works. Yeah. Okay. Oh, sorry.

If you were Canadian, you would know that. Hello, brother. I'm here to answer your question. When will the official churches start praying for the false prophet? Orthodox Christian three-hand signs are different than Buddhist mudras. Yes. Yes, agreed. Yes.

Cosign. Ecumenism equals 263 heresies. Nope. Each heresy leads to hell. Orthodoxy equals the only true faith. Roman Catholics tried one cup, one spoon ritual. Which is my favorite video. My favorite video on the internet.

Yeah. One congregation, one cup. And they got sick with bubonic plague. If heresy enters Orthodox monastery, then monks slash nuns will get sick with flu slash tuberculosis, for instance.

Orthodox churches who close for COVID or have disposable cups slash spoons or dip spoon into alcohol are no longer brides of Christ. They're getting Jesus drunk with that shit. In solo cups, though, and that's a sin. Now they serve Satan and honor

Satan's new COVID religion. Yay! COVID religion! You know what? It's a religion that would have a lot of followers. It kind of does. I hope I haven't put you off with all this religious talk. I've got some other things to talk about, like, don't go into UFO to be healed by evil demons.

I'm just here for the butt stuff, man. Demons never do good. SSN is written as barcode slash QR code. No, it isn't. I've never seen a security number written as a barcode barcode slash QR code No it isn't I've never seen a social security number Written as a barcode It's a Satan security number That's actually what's on the back of Agent 47's head

It's his social security number Yeah That's a good idea Then it's put into a chip That's why it has to be so sneaky Yeah He might steal his identity Then it's put into a chip. That's why it has to be so sneaky. Yeah, just want him to steal his identity. Then it's put into a chip. Chip is put into a vaccine.

Chipped people are influenced by supercomputers to receive gray plastic card world passport with no name on it. So do I get my own social security number or do I get somebody else's social security number in the chip that goes in the vaccine? Is it one supercomputer per person? It's multiple supercomputers per person.

Keep up. But when they stretch their hands to get it, government clerk presses secret button to administer the unforgivable green 666 tattoo by isotope rays. What? One step too far. One step too far. If you reject the mark of the beast by hiding within a 10 to 15 people group, according to Saints Gabriel Ergbadaz and

Serafim Masarov, then your direct ancestors go to heaven, according to Saint Vyacheslav Krasnomenikov from Ural. Those are definitely three Russian guys selling watches outside of a bar. Can you please provide your sources?

Yeah, what are your sources? Oh, well, sources. First vaccine shuts off your immune system. Second vaccine gives you diseases. Third vaccine puts your immune system back and will start fighting the diseases that will cause death. First vaccine shuts off your immune system. The fourth vaccine

removes the hair and lifts it. Allowing for a cleaner cut. Saint Paisos from Mount Athos said the devil wants to deceive the rich with Freemasonry, poor with communism, and believers with ecumenism. El Pideas said there will be

seven Mark of the Beast vaccines. Reject all of them! Documents are from Satan. Burn all documents you can find. Any documents. Burn all documents! Now that's a tattoo. Now that's a tattoo. Burn all documents.

Burn all the documents you can find. Electronics! Electronics! Documents are from Satan. Documents are from Satan. Documents are from Satan. Electronics will use a tracking... Even old, broken, unplugged 1970 TV set will show the evil...

Sorry. Ha! Even old, broken, unplugged 1970 tv set will show the evil flying antichrist using tesla's ether what don't go into ufo to be healed by evil demons demons never do good always pray to jesus prayer or to saints who help right away. Like Saint Fyatislav Kraschenikov, according to whom, if you reject Mark of the Beast, then your

direct ancestors go to heaven. Forgive me. It's a Jesus prayer. So, yeah, you probably get liposuction, Victor. Sounds like it. Did that help? Did that answer your question?

I have no further questions. Hi. Hi, my name's Lola. And I had a question about pets dogs. Okay. Okay. Chinese crested dog, is it nice to you? For some people is nice.

For some is not. Is this a poem? It didn't start with Twas the Night Before Christmas, so I don't think so. It's actually a song. There's no other poem, is there? You're supposed to be singing, Jack. Damn it. This was found

by Dick the Dick, and this person is anonymous. Who is the moron that thinks that P-T-O is two words?

Can you give me that word again? It's three words. Thank you very much. First word, P-I. Second word, T-B. Third word, U-L-L. P-T-O. Who are these morons?

Hey, my name is Raven. What moron asks dumb questions like this? Yeah! That was hurtful. Yeah! I'm a level five Raven. You asked this question in the category of pet dogs. All one word.

Imagine asking a question on Yahoo Answers so dumb that people say that was a dumb question. I'm getting singled out in this. All right. So this one is provided by The Lizard. And should I get another Chihuahua? My name is Ivy. I have seven dogs already,

not including my three guard dogs. What? Seven? Yeah. Okay. Seven dogs, not including my three guard dogs. What? Seven? Yeah. Okay. Seven dogs, not including my three dogs. Is this a word problem? Yeah.

I want to get one dog. I have seven dogs, but that does not include the three that I already have. Two of them are a Rottweiler and one is a Doberman. Are you following? Great. I have already one Chihuahua and she is so sweet. I don't believe you.

She's sweet. I have a lot of room in my house, and I'm thinking of buying this one Chihuahua named Raindrop, who's a silvery gray, and she's super quiet despite the fact that she's a Chihuahua. I must be super lucky with chihuahuas. Raindrop has already met my dogs and my cats, and the only pet she doesn't really like is one of my parents.

Sky, that's important. Um, uh, okay. Should I adopt her? Adoption fee is 70 bucks. Um. Um, Okay, so I feel like this episode, you know,

we thought we would just, like, sort of have some, you know, fun, some silly fun with Yahoo Answers, but then, like, you know, we started to talk about, you know, like, religion and chihuahuas and ketchup packets. I think that we've gotten a little bit off the rails. So let's talk about Goku versus Batman.

Oh, so back to religion. Thank you. So, Jack Chick, if you'll take this opening thing here by, this is by Anonymous, asked in Entertainment and Music, Comics and Animation.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Uno, that you are going to say hat Goku is a universe buster and all that. But here is my opinion. I think that in a frontal combat, Goku beats Batman just by raising his ki, even if Goku bids Batman a year of total preparation to fight him and allow him to give him the first strike

of whatever he has prepared. I agree. There is no way Batman can beat Goku, even if he has one or ten years to prepare the fight knows all of goku's powers but i think even batman couldn't scratch goku his mind is so great and goku's mind as we know is great as well and so i think batman would be able to play goku some mental traps to the point that goku would end up believing batman is always right so anyone who opposes him is evil and batman couldn't defeat goku and so he could subjugate him. So I think Batman could win by subjugating

his opponent mind. Even if he cannot win by hits or KO, he could be bringing the Dungolu to his will. A little creeped out by all this talk of subjugation. At the risk of becoming a future part of this episode,

who is Goku? Heku yeah he's the dragon ball um okay i've heard that word bad enough 2022 i think this may elucidate for you a little bit my my answer here so um uh batman versus goku uh batman calls in the JLA. Superman attacks him head on. Goku goes Super Saiyan 1. Manhunter attacks his mind. Goku goes Super Saiyan again. Green Lantern pummels him with a hammer made from the strongest weapon in the universe. And again, then Wonder Woman shows up.

Goku ogles and Chi-Chi comes and beats him up. Goku's down for the count. Seriously, though, in a one-on-one Goku vs. Batman fight, Batman can probably use some sort of mind-affecting gadgetry or something and play his usual games. Heck, Hal Jordan takes Batman most seriously out of the JLA and GL, especially that one. Is it comparable to Goku?

But in a physical match, there's no way Batman can win unless Goku banks his head on a planet and forgets how to fight with. No, no, no. See, Batman, in fact, for Batman, I have fewer not liking it all. But even I, a Goku fan, cannot deny that a mental retardant has more chances of passing a mass death than Goku. You know, the strongest body and the smallest minded. The Batman is the opposite of Goku. One of the weakest superheroes ever created, but the greatest in the body.

So what do you think? The weakest, but the greatest body? Are you saying Batman's really hot? Is what do you think? The weakest but the greatest body? Are you saying Batman's really hot? So take that in consideration before you say but not even a fight. Seriously, the only thing that has a chance of beating Goku is Chuck Norris. I do

say that a lot, actually. Great. Thank you. Please. Please read. We've lost this. what should we read interpret the dream i had last night posted in social science dream interpretation a decade ago sorry this may be long, but please, I ask for your patience in reading it. Okay. So, oh my god, it is long. It started out, I was driving to a class.

I don't know if I was in a high school class or college class, but I had a test to take. And I had an interaction, and my light is read, and every other light in that intersection turns green at some point except for mine and so it's like it skipped me but then it finally turns green and then i decided to take the right to get to class and once i do everything trees buildings etc were all slanted towards the direction i'm going and it was like also dark and raining outside and i finally get to the classroom i sit down and i notice that my ex-boyfriend is in the class across the room from me he doesn't say hi he doesn't even look at me or in my direction and then i turn around so much sweeping i could be doing at this and then i see and they say my ex-best friend is standing at the door of my classroom. And then she looks at me. And we don't say hi.

And then she sits behind the person who is sitting next to me. And so she starts. So the test is about to start. Hey, Lemon, can you get me a cocktail? Yeah, you bet. What can I get you? You need like a gin mood? You want some rum?

What are you going to get? Like a Moscow Mule, maybe? Yeah, absolutely. You've got it. No problem. You want to get in the copper copper? I look around and other people are making faces with the cheese and pepperoni on their slices of pizza, so I

do the same. Well, if you're making him one of those, could you make me one? Yeah, you bet. I don't have any candied ginger, but I do have some lime. I just said to the people around me, ha ha, look at my pizza. Could you maybe crush up some Smarties and put them on the brim? No, no, I couldn't do that.

I mean, I physically could, but I won't. And they tell me to be quiet. And one of my teachers was a history teacher I had in high school. And that was one of my favorites. And the other was my musical theater teacher that I had in high school. Here you go, guys. Just get to your mules.

I made these. This one's a Kentucky mule. This one's a London mule. Bring him in class. Joe was the last guy I ever kissed. I'll take the London one. They were mad and they told him that they didn't know where Joe lived. The other guy in class, we'll call him Lance, he stood up and he said, I'll go where Joe lived. And the other guy in class, we'll call him Lance, he stood up and he said,

I'll go find Joe then. And then Lance was the first guy that I had ever kissed. And I haven't seen him in over ten years. And teachers kept telling Lance not to worry about it. There's six hours left in this dream. But then... Anyway. And then he finally kicked me out of the room.

And they kept talking about how disappointed they were by the behavior at the fact that I didn't know where Joe lived, the last guy I ever kissed, considering that I went to Missouri State University. Hey, what a coincidence. I'm in Missouri, too, right now. I don't go to school, even though I don't live in Missouri, but it just made them more mad. though I don't live in Missouri, but it just made them more mad. And then as my former musical teacher was escorting me down the hall,

there was a line of college students who happened to be attending Missouri State University walking in our direction. Okay, that's the end. That's the end. Okay, that's the end. But what does it mean?

How am I supposed to interpret it if I haven't heard the whole thing? Well, that's where you ask Varzanda and he tells you Yeah, Varzanda I did a search for college students and I thought I could not do it Is there any interpretation?

Does it mean something? Nope, there's nobody Nobody at all The best you get My name is Two My name is Two. My name is Two, and I say, Wow! That is a really weird slash scary. I don't think it means anything,

but if it keeps happening over and over again, then maybe it does. So there you go. Your dream was just interpreted. You're welcome. Should I repeat it to see if... What was the third thing you said? just interpret it. You're welcome. Should I repeat it to see if... That's probably... What was the third thing you said?

Did I tell you all the people from Missouri State University came to look at my pizza test? This next section was entirely provided by Portex. Oh, yay Portex. Classics. Victor, you want to take the first one here? I do.

In the 70s, 80s, 90s. I do. Hey, Yahoo Answers, what did my dad just say to me? What did my dad just say to me? I was listening to my iPod, so I couldn't hear him. Good. Genuinely funny. Genuinely funny. Genuinely funny.

34 answers. That's really good. Really good. Next one, Victor. Dear Yahoo Answers, will my laptop get heavier if I put more files on it? Technically, yes, but not in a way that would be discernible to the human

body. No. That's not true. No, no. Actually, it will. It wouldn't, because that's already allocated, I think. No, it's not allocated. No, no, no, no. It would be heavier, but in a way that you... 20 minutes of this please

See, energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light so if I throw my laptop then it gets lighter Next one, Victor Yeah, so hey Yahoo Answers Does Spider have puss puss?

So, hey, Yahoo Answers, does Spider have puss puss? What is the context of your question? No, no, no. Shut up. What is the context of your question? So, related to commercial insurance, Nicole Kidman. No, no. I just want to know.

Do you have any more information? Oh, yeah. I do have a little more context for does spider have puss puss, and it is, does spider have puss puss? This is literally my favorite question that's ever been asked on Yahoo Answers. My name is Sisyphus, and I have an answer to your question. Great. No! No! Next one here is by Eye of Za, if you'll take that, Victor, please.

Yeah, so hey, Yahoo Answers, this is in pets. So, to get rid of all bats in my arctic, should I buy 100 snakes and put them in my attic? in my arctic, should I buy 100 snakes and put them in my attic? I'd really like

an answer to this. I think Jack Shaker's going to answer it. No, go for it, man. Well, I'm Morgan. You should buy one snake and swing it around like a whip. The Petey Pablo method of the Longmont Potion Castle bit.

By a snake and swinging around like a whip. Jack Chick, if you'll do the next one there, the one by Cube Abuser. The one found by Cube Abuser. Yeah, absolutely. Is this bad for my penis? Is sitting in the back seat of a Toyota Prius bad for my penis balls? Penis, yes. Balls, no.

Damn it. And take the next one as well, please. Where can I buy a frog? Not for sexual reasons please elucidate yes i am in in the market for a frog but don't know where what kind of frog i want to get a frog from i would love to shopkeeper wait you want to get a frog from a I would love to frog. What ho, shopkeeper! Wait, you want to get a frog from a frog? Why are you not doing this in a British accent? That's where the best frogs come from, man!

I would like the frog, not for sexual reasons, to be blue. Oh, come on, man. Any information is helpful and thanks in advance for the people who may help me on my journey

to acquiring my dream pet. So, okay, so unlike Stan the Man, I would like to buy a frog entirely for sexual purposes. If anybody can help me with that. Just while we're here. I really don't think I can. You go to Florida, you can find a guy.

I'm sure. I got a question. Yeah, uh-huh. Why do chips get stale? Gross, I just eat a Cheeto and it was nasty. Like all stale and crap. Ew. Me name am Thog.

Thog don't care. Thog don't care. Thog don't care. Thanks, Thog. Thanks, Thog. What doesn't Thog do? It's Sanks. Sanks Thog. Thog don't care.

Care. Okay, so this next section is called Yay, Video Games. Yay. Yay. And I guess, Jack, jack you're gonna have the role of jack i'm gonna lead you in here that's all right um why does nintendo make bad pokemon like pidgey or ratata is ratata ratata it's a it's a pokemon it's a pokemon all right all right anyway uh why do they make bad Pokemon

like those two instead of making cool Pokemon like Mewtwo only? Cool, good Pokemon. High Portex in advance. Well, to be frank, the first 150 Pokemon were mostly at least somewhat trying

to be similar to real-life animal. A bird, a rat, a horse, a lizard, turtle, etc. A glitch in the magnets. A ghost. It's better than a freaking ice cream cone, isn't it? Do you think a living scoop of ice cream is cooler than a bird than you can grow to be the size of a plane. Pidgeottos are huge.

Okay. And then, Adam, if you'll take the post down there by anonymous in response to my question about cool Pokemon like you two. I'm anonymous. Hydrogen peroxide H202 kills nanoworms inside face masks. Oh no. The real vaccine will cause spiritual and psychic

damage. Oh, this is literally the same guy. It's me. Start praying for the false prophet. Yay! Or the Dax Christian 3 and signs are different than Buddhist Mutuals. That equals 203.

The sources are different now, though. Green 666 tattoo by Isotope Rays. Now it's still the same saint down there. Documents are from Satan. Burn all documents you find. The sources are slightly different too. Now there's a lot of times of day for some reason

in the sources. Pray to the Jesus. Pray the Jesus prayer just like priest Epilegius asked you to do 33 times. Okay, I got a question. Okay. It's a question. Okay.

It's a question of video games here. Is he being a dick or am I wrong? So I'm playing Seven Days to Die with a friend of mine. I started the game upgrading Lucky Looter and I'm at all like food and medical trees and however upgraded the crafting trees and the like for construction

and we're on day 40-ish and we can make steel and iron. Hey, Adam, do you want to talk about your dream for a while? But every time I ask him for a gun or iron tools, he says, no, it's needed elsewhere. He is also smug about the fact that I've died like 20 times. Oh, shit, that's amazing. Despite the fact that he never leaves the base.

I bet you did no crafting in that dream. Most of which I found. I bet you never went into a crafting menu in that dream. And he is being a jer, or am I wrong? Sorry for it being wordy and poor punctuation and a bit of a hurry to type. How much better than Batman do you think Goku is, though? That's what I'm telling you.

Update. I'll mention I bought him the game. Not sure if it matters. Update again. For the person who said that people were allowed to say no, I understand that, but my point is, even though the items are needed are plentiful, he doesn't even give me a gun. He had to give me every one I had to fight. I'm not sad he needs to be grateful for me, but buying the game for him, I did that.

And I don't regret it at all. I was asking, am I overacting? Because he refuses even the spare guns the ammo gave me weapon or tool that is better than any other if I could make it or find it. The worst weapon in the game is the only

quest that I had, therefore am I grateful that you answered it. It's not called Yahoo Questions. Lemon, I think we have a question that you're the only person Who can answer What is the hottest Undertale character

No Can you qualify that Jack No kink shaming Well I'm out I'll pick a random one My answer is You are a gross man. A nasty man. Please stop using the gross word.

I'm a straight guy, but Mettaton is the obvious answer. Okay. I mean, I've always wanted to bone Toriel because I've got this thing from MILFs. Hi, I'm Jeff. Unrelated answer, but I just ate the best orange in my entire life. Good job, MVP.

Good job, buddy. Oh my god, Jeff! Holy shit! Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff! I hope he's still on that high he's chasing it forever he probably doesn't want to go into it he's probably like I ate the best orange

I wouldn't bore you with the details of my orange 11 months ago Jeff was a real good orange. I mean, come back, Jeff. Eleven months ago, Jeff ate a really good orange and I hope things are still going good for him. I'm so happy for you, Jeff. Do women get knocked out more easily than men? What? God damn it.

Yeah. Since women are weaker and have smaller heads and smaller necks, do they get knocked out more easily by a punch of the same power? I'm not. What? I just want to know if they're weaker and get punched more.

However, I've seen a lot of men get knocked out easier, but I've seen a lot of women get punched. I've seen a lot of women get punched. I muted it if you want to move your butt. I would love Victor to bring us some science in answer to this question. So women are actually made tougher because they have to carry a baby for nine months and have painful labor pains and monthly cycles every month for at least 30 to 40 years,

raise the children, plus have to hold a job, and then have to deal menopause for the next 10 or more years. So you should have more compassionate for women. Women always raising babies for 30 to 40 years in their bodies. And then 10 years of menopause, and then it's over. They're having painful labor pains for 34 years. And then the sweet release of death. Check out the new season of Menopause. And then it's over. For 34 years. And then the sweet release of death. Check out the new season of Menopause on Showtime.

No, I read the reviews for that. I read the reviews for that. They seemed hot and cold. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck your joke. Podcast over.

Close it up, guys. We had a good run. All jokes. Let's go. Fucking joke. God damn it. More jokes coming. Well, we're not going to be funnier than that, so I guess go back to maybe the dream.

Yeah. I'm going to come over to your that, so I guess go back to maybe the dream? Yeah. I'm going to come over to your house and knock over your bookshelf. Yeah, guys. Oh, wait. Oh, hold on. Yeah, this podcast isn't supposed to be funny. Come on.

So, Victor, at the bottom of this document here, this first document, I've got a list of titles. Do you think you'd bring that to me, please? I would love to. What is wrong with my computer? Windows XP works like crap? Should I upgrade to Vista? Yes. Yeah. Why can't females

back up properly in their vehicles? Yeah, four weeks ago in August, sorry. Last year. Oh, four weeks ago in August, sorry. Last year. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The time of the Vista. That's when that was known. I saw the terrible crash Tiger Woods was in. I hope he will be alright.

How come in a rollover the front airbags don't deploy? When is it acceptable to carry a pedestrian on a forklift? Is it really dangerous to leave your engine running while pumping gas how should the story of the soldier and the weeping girl end what will you miss most about the story of the soldier and the girl why do people here hate the story of the soldier and the girl so much? Ever read Ayn Rand? Whoa, no I haven't.

I am intrigued, Yahoo answer. Why is Rehabab is the book of Hebrew Hall of Fame she was a process to? Piers Morgan was forced to quite his job simply because he said he didn't believe Meghan Markle, so... Oh, man. Can you imagine... Imagine, okay, like, Tabula Rasa, right? Let's say you have a human being and you have no knowledge of this human being

and no assumptions. The only thing that you know is that this person would rush the defense of Piers Morgan. Yeah. No. I have to find one hero in my life, and it is that this person would rush the defense of Piers Morgan. Yeah. No. I have to find one hero in my life, and it is that man. What is wrong with the author Stephen King? That is a much more complex question than... No, it's cocaine.

It's cocaine. That sounds like you're tagline to Maximum Overdrive. Really, the lack of cocaine, I would say. Oh, no, that's actually true Yeah you're right What is the most racist work of literature What is the most racist What is the most racist work of literature

Unrelated question Have you ever read Harry Potter Twilight or Harry Twilight or Harry Potter Twilight or Harry Potter Why? Harry Potter vs. Twilight Harry Potter fans? What are the Harry Potter movies?

Who hate Harry Potter? So confused with Harry Potter Since when did gross Harry Potter fans Have you guys ever watched the XFL? And my favorite player was He with Harry Potter. Since when did gross Harry Potter fans... Has anybody ever watched the XFL? And my favorite player was He Hate Harry Potter. Is it true that Twilight beat Harry Potter? I see that we've gotten to the part that Kumquat's out found. Who is Harry Potter?

Please tell me some details about me. Follow me. Smoking tobacco is good for your health, yes or no? Victor, please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes. My friend is trying to sell a cookbook she created on Word Document. Is this even legal?

He broke football. Your friend's a criminal. Going straight to the slammer. Can an astrologer get a well-paid job at NASA? No. Convert the whole number to a percent. 58? Sure.

Okay. Wait, wait, wait. I got it. I got it. Three. I'm not wrong. When will we get a president who will be able to admin there was no moon landing?

What is the best large mammal? Why do crocodiles walk so gaily? How fast is ludicrous speed? You mean from Spaceballs? Yes, Spaceballs. Is it possible for a human and a horse to have a baby?

Would that be known as horsekind? Horsekind? Hourskind. It's horsekind! It's horsekind! Get out these horse! Why is metal considered frozen if it's room temperature? What?

Am I gay or am I just uglet? Can a single.22 pistol round be fatal? Yeah. In team sports, should away teams be banned from defeating home teams? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little bit of a few. I'm a little a little bit of a few. I'm a little a little serious question what are the seeds and tomatoes good for how weird is it to shower at like 5 p.m is four miles too long of a walk for a seven-year-old yes how to stew masturbation addiction crank it this is my masturbation stew for a for a couple needs to do to have a baby, does the female and male have to ejaculate at the same time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of them is pink and the other one is blue. They also have to do number 43. Is it safe to piss in someone's rectum?

How long does it take for the foreskin to die if blood flow is restricted? Would someone get pregnant if there was semen in toilet water and they pee after you? Yep. The peeing is necessary for this? You need the pee for the semen

to come up through the pee back into you. Oh, yeah. Like those fish in South America. Yeah, exactly. So, uh... Like a salmon ladder. If I inject blue paint into myself, will my blood turn purple?

Yeah, that makes sense, right? Blue plus... Yeah, totally. There it is color theory yep spot on my arm shaped like turtle is it cancer what kind of like rafael or donatello like like like like front of the podcast turtle okay oh it's probably fine. Hi, Turtle. Similar world sucks? And this has all been building to how to stop Yahoo Answers from shutting down.

Oh, no. Oh, no. You didn't get the right answer for that one. Oh, no. There were no answers to that question. Oh, my God. I clicked on that link and I got the word Yahoo and and a picture of sean hannity a terrible world we live in oh really yeah exactly oh no yeah exactly

adam take me out of this take me back to yahoo answers i have more questions More questions from Yahoo Answers. Are there offensive terms or slurs that teachers call students? Probably not. Fucking weirdies. Listen, listen, listen. I've known a lot of teachers, and there's two things that I know about teachers. Number one, none of them drink, ever. Teachers do not drink, and they do not drink a lot um and also teachers never make fun of their students ever is it legal

to stalk st-o-c-k your teacher after school so you can see the answers to the test yeah that's no that's fair that's totally fair then she goes like oh you got me yeah now you know the answers to the test. Yeah, that's, no, that's fair. That's totally fair. Then she goes like, oh, you got me. Now you know the answers to the test. Good job. Are cinnamon and nutmeg interchangeable in desserts? Like apple pie, apple crumble, and rice pudding? Absolutely not.

No, no, no. They're not the same flavor? Fuck all your cooking. Are you afraid of adult cook shows? Yeah Nacho Vidal cooks Does Travis sound like a white guy's name? Yeah

Kinda This sounds This reminds me of one time When Club Penguin shut down Good question Does it? Why do the women never have to take a DNA test to see if it's their child? Yeah, wait a minute!

Oh my god! They take the test. You just fucking red-pilled me right now! That's amazing! It's men's rights to take 50% of the paternity tests. Exactly. Something, something, we hunted the mammoth. What do you think of the name Lucy Anna for a girl?

And what will be some good middle names? Anna Lucy. Lucy Anna Lucy. Lucy Anna Lucy. Lucy Anna Lucy. Am I the only one who thinks that women like to get pregnant? Yes. Okay.

I mean, mostly. I mean, there's other Papu Canons in the world. Shall we talk about abortion? Oh, yes! What a delight on yahoo answers um how old is jojo the actor playing them supposed to be in silly cycle um also i have a question This is just a completely innocent question Hang on, hang on

You have your hands sort of like over your bicep Like you're covering something up on your upper arm area Can I just see, You seem to have some sort of band. Some sort of band around your arm. Can I just see what that arm band is? I mean, this is like one of those, you know, like, whatever happened to this guy?

You know, like, where are they now? Where are they now? What happened to Gestapo Chief Heinrich Mueller? Is he... Is he dead? I think he did a stint at Melrose Place. Did they kill him for being a fucking bastard? That's when Heinrich Mueller jumped the show.

God damn it. How did people live in the Soviet Union? I couldn't do it. Hey, hey, did George Orwell call it or what? Nice, nice. There we go. Oh my God, George Carlin's material just got better the older he got. I just accidentally ate some eraser shavings. Am I gonna

die? No, you're going to live forever because of the eraser shavings. Oh, eraser man. Eraser man. It was a radioactive eraser.

In a fantasy world where dwarves are a separate race what do they call humans with dwarfism yum thanks that's really a dumb question right

stackexchange.com please I hope I fell down the stairs did did my dog I hope I fell down the stairs. Did my dog notice when I dyed my hair? Nope. Does my makeup look good? Oh, sure. You say he's a good boy, but he certainly isn't an attentive boy.

What is the versed haircut? Like a knock-worst haircut? Never versed haircuts. Curry versed? Can I wear non-fingerless gloves regularly without it looking weird? Ew! Do they make non-fingerless gloves?

They do, but you just have to cut the fingers out. They make fingered gloves. Gross, I guess for virgins. Yeah. Do older guys, 40s, look gay with both ears pierced? Oh no. Wow. Wow.

Wow, you're a relic. Yep. How to post and advertise here? Question? Mark? When can we stop wearing masks? I mean, if you can smell a fart through two layers of clothing, how's a mask going to protect me from 99% disease emoji?

Question mark. So when can we stop wearing masks? How's a mask going to protect me from 99% disease emoji per question mark? So when can we stop wearing masks? I mean, if you can smell a fart through two layers of clothing, how's a mask going to protect me from 99%? I mean, if I can smell a fart. If I can smell a fart. 99% bacteria emoji. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong, but that's actually a surgical test is the can I smell a fart? Can I smell a fart? Can I smell a fart?

I feel like Gallagher wrote this question. You are wrong, Jack. Well, that's probably the first time. Can a tenant sue the landlord for harassment and win if he banged daily on the door several times a day demanding overdue rent payment? Depends on your meaning of the word

banged. Like if he fucked his girlfriend on your door while demanding the rent. That's amazing. I mean, don't kink shame, but yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To save money on gas, should I take some from my neighbor's gas take when they are at work? Yeah, that's the entrepreneur spirit, baby.

That's why they call it a gas take, right? That can't possibly go wrong. Where did I park my car? I'm stuck at Costco. There's a couple of obvious trolls on Yahoo Answers that I still do enjoy. It's just fun. Like, I know you didn't write that

genuinely, and it's still funny to me. Why do caddy cars stink? They all get broken timing chains by 90,000 miles! What? Anybody know what that is?

That's the normal lifespan of a timing chain. Oh, well. That's what they stink. I think it's Cadillacs is what they mean. Anyway. 13 years ago I'm so okay hold on

13 years ago I emailed a woman under a fake name The woman I emailed Is now dead Can we let this go No Answer the fucking questions How dare you

Can white people Wear wrong wear Answer the fucking questions! How dare you. Can white people wear wrong wear door rags? Wow. Wow, that's a lot to take in. Wear door rags? How do I turn the Amazon

fire stick off? I mean, you kind of can, actually. That is a problem. Why are John Lennon's home recordings being deleted from YouTube? All right, yeah. How do I get YouTube to come film me? I like that. I like that. Like YouTube.

Like YouTube this whole time has been like TMZ. And they've just been like catching people in their shitty apartments. Like, oh, look, she's unboxing makeup. Film her. Film her. Somebody was talking shit. We'll send a cameraman right down hey man seems like you got opinions about an either sarkeesian

so you have receipts we're gonna take it from that uh okay um did you know that the Johnson and Jay vaccine contains a dead virus that is found in chimpanzees? Before you downvote me, research it. Okay. Yeah. The Johnson and Jay vaccine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it legal to walk into someone else's house if the door is unlocked? So like Legend of Zelda rules?

Yeah, it's only illegal if you break all their pots. Okay. I went to a smoke shop and she wouldn't sell to me because I'm 20. I told her there is Grandfather Claus. She still wouldn't sell to me? I mean, that sounds like assault.

My name is Philip Morris III, and I deserve this. Any advice on being black male masturbation? Oh, yeah. You want to be, or? Oh, yeah, I want to be black male masturbation.

Any advice? Is eating yeast an effective substitute for probiotics? Yep. Do it. You know what? No, that's a superfood, actually, at that point. The most probiotic. That's pro-probiotic.

Just like a packet of bread yeast. Yeah, the whole thing. They're pretty small, right? So you just put them on your tongue, sort of like an LSD tab. You know, like Fun Dip. You know Fun Dip? Totally Fun Dip, yeah! That is some professional biotics right there.

So speaking of home remedies and home cures, how do I naturally cure hernia? Herbal remedy? Victor? How do you naturally, with an herbal remedy? So I've got, so like this person has a hernia. Herbal remedy?

Yeah, it's an herbal remedy. So you get a fistful of ginkgo and you put your fist right up against a hernia. Herbal rabbit? Yeah. Yeah, it's an herbal rabbit, yeah. So you get a fistful of ginkgo, and you put your fist right up against the hernia, and then you just push really fucking hard until you feel a pop, and the hernia goes back in. Oh, fucking great. Yeah. Great. You can also do that with St. John's wort, but the ginkgo's better. It's easier to grip.

Appreciate it. Thank you, Victor. Can you use hand soap in a soap suds enema? Jesus! Wait, is that a... That's a thing. Yes, it's a thing. Nope, it's a thing. There are

several flavors of enema and yeah, it's a thing. Victor, what's your favorite flavor of enema? I just do the regular victor what's your favorite flavor of enema i just do the regular fleets and butterscotch i sip butterscotch pepper now there's there's fleet those fleets there's tap water there's soap suds there's milk molasses yep is there a is there a neapolitan butterscotch there might be a neapolitan. I don't know. A random guy at the street

came to me and talked to me and he also add me at Facebook. Is that dangerous? That's not great. I don't like that. I feel like you also talked to him and forgot to have happened. That's true. You really would have had to give up

some sort of information to make this happen. Why am I bored during sex? I have been asking the same question. Can we drop this charade? Can we just... Can we stop now, Adam? Can we just stop?

I am so bored. What if they wrote this while having sex? And then he answered her question? You know, I've been there. You're fucking someone, and you're like, man, I'm bored. It's time to ask questions on Yahoo Answers. Right, yeah. Does it sound like he wants me to get into a car accident?

Is he Eminem? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. If you bake two lasagnas and then you stack one lasagna on top of the other, how many lasagnas do you have? Oh, God.

That's fucking... I like it. You got a lasagna, lasagna stack. A lasagna, lasagna stack. That's fucking deep, man. What if you bake two more lasagnas and you have? Oh, God, that's fucking... You got a lasagna, lasagna stack. A lasagna, lasagna stack. That's fucking deep, man. What if you bake two more lasagnas and stack those on top? A lasagna. It's the Hilbert's Hotel of lasagnas.

Yeah. Could God make a lasagna even he couldn't stack? Lasagna. Can you play Jenga with a stack of lasagnas? Yeah, but you need the chess clock for it. Pulling out the lasagna pile from the middle is really hard.

Why does my mom take so, so long to do stuff? Like back up her car? Did you like the new Super Mario game? I personally did not. I felt it was too violent even for a kids game. I mean, yeah, you're throwing all those vegetables at one. It's just terrible.

Oh, no! Oh, my goodness. Gamers, how do you deal with disgusting comments towards you? Make more towards everybody all the time forever. And just live in epithets. The only thing that exists in your world is epithets. And you just need to say them out loud all of the time forever to everybody. Bottle it up and spray it out.

Just read them back to them in this voice. Can you get arrested for pirating Sonic Adventure 2? No, no, just the first one. Like, theoretically. Did liberals shut down Yahoo

Answers? Why? Okay, well, Yahoo Answers was owned by Yahoo. Oh boy, we can't get into this. Why is Yahoo Answers shutting down? Is it in favor of shutting down freedom of speech yes that's yes the last bastion of freedom of speech was yahoo answers and it's gone now i mean the thing is is yahoo answers is enshrined in the united states constitution right right they were like they

were like imagine the dumbest shit in the world. This was the site that made America realize freedom of speech was a mistake. We're going to call it privilege of speech from now on, guys. Like, at some point in 1978, somebody was like, imagine the internet. Like, imagine the free exchange of ideas and a whole bunch of computers connected to each other. And then somebody else came by two hours later and then said, okay, now imagine everyone did it wrong. What are some alternative sites to Yahoo! and on Wars to ask questions on?

And if you have questions... Where can I go, Victor? You can come to Ball Pit. No, you don't actually need to come to Ball Pit for that shit. No, no, no. There's a whole bunch of other sites. You got Experience Project.

You got all sorts of other sites. You can do your Yahoo answer shit. Quora. Quora? Actually, no. no I think didn't Quora have some sort of VC bullshit happen with them? I don't fucking know I assume you would know alright alright alright anyway

you know who hasn't had any VC bullshit done to them Lemon? Who's that? Oh kid! Yeah actually that's true that's true there has been nobody pulling out their funds of kind of fun because it makes no money and loses money and that's the point uh it is um i mean it's one of those things like so I guess I'm going to ask you what you learned and also I would say that like that

it managed to die far beyond its own relevancy wouldn't you say that like it it didn't need to have a reason to exist three years before it died right

like like like 10 years before it died but okay other than the human need to just like ask all these dumb questions all the time but you know um i guess i guess you still got the advice inators is that i think is that what's left at this point? No, I mean, there's still a bunch of them. I mean, again, there was the... I mean, it's the ones that we end up coming into a lot. I think Experience Project died. Does eHow still exist? eHow is different now.

Okay. Okay, okay. ePinions, I think, is dead. Oh, really? I didn't know that one. that one what about why don't we do that the episode was called e opinions yeah and then and then the cover because i'm very funny all of the cover images all of the cover images for the f plus that you see almost always are done by me. Um, and when I did the cover of E opinions, the title of which was E opinions, I did a drawing of opinion because I'm very funny.

What a hilarious joke that was. I mean, Blurred it's still here. Although the most recent questions seem to be from 2018, such as why do girls love shopping? Okay. Okay. Is the girls ask guys, is girls ask guys still girls love shopping? Okay, okay. Is it girls ask guys?

Is girls ask guys still around? I hope so. So, yeah, like, the site made more sense when Yahoo was, like, just a bunch of user services, like, predating social media. Like, there was the Yahoo groups and the Yahoo email, and then there was all these things that were just in one place. And so why not have a place where people can ask and answer questions? And then all of the other Yahoo,

that Yahoo things died. And eventually this one went with it. Yeah. Which is, I mean, I mean, I guess, I guess one of those things where like the free market is right.

Yahoo answers was always Answers was always... It was always... I would say that throughout the course of the podcast there was always this thing where people were like, oh, you spend a bunch more time on Yahoo Answers. And I'm like, I don't think this is actually the goldmine that you think it is. I'm on

Girls Ask Guys right now, and they have a screenshot from an episode of The Simpsons where it's Abe Simpson is yelling at a cloud that says, old man yells at cloud at the newspaper cutting. Like a clipping from the newspaper. So there's a photo of that clipping from the newspaper, and then it's a blog article by somebody that says, is old man yelling at a cloud newsworthy? Honestly.

What is this? Some kind of fucking joke? Oh, and we could read two girl opinions or eleven guy opinions. Oh, I didn't even know it did that. Oh, I like that. Oh my god, we need to go back to girls as guys. That's a really good feature, actually.

Now there's split girl opinions versus guy opinions? Yeah, girl opinions are a pick. Guy opinions are blue, obviously. Another one on the homepage is a title. The title of it is, Is God Real? The picture of it is like the no smoking symbol that just says God with a line through it. Anyway, we've got websites. Bye.

Bye. Bye. I thought that I could feel as great as I do today. Because you were nothing but a waste of space. And life is wonderful now that I'm over you. Yeah, I can turn it off. Oh. Yeah, I mean, it's off. I just mean... Whoa!

It doesn't matter. It's a dog on a skateboard. Just want to know the power you have, Victor. Yes. Who let the dog on a skateboard here? Is it too late for you to have a catchphrase? I really like... Wow, it's a dog on a skateboard.

Wow, it's a dog on a skateboard. Wow, it's a dog on a skateboard. We can go back and splice it into 300 episodes. Once you're not even in. We've already got the recording. Just take the clip of him just saying that. Just insert it over somebody else's joke in every episode he's ever appeared in

can we slice it into the like 10 year clip show youtube I like to cut open my nut sack whoa a dog on a skateboard we can you can do a tie in with the Mandela episode

right yeah yeah yeah