The F Plus - 40: I'm So Lonesome I Could Post On This Forum

Episode Date: March 13, 2011

Despite various expensive websites strongly promoting their "social" aspects, the fact remains that internet forums are a fairly antisocial experience. You sign in with an alternate identity, type some words into a box, and hope that other people might do the same in response. We visited alonelylife.com, where forum users kvetch about their problems meeting people, chime enthusiastically about how much better their e-friends are, and trade terrible poetry, despite having never learned how a haiku actually works. This week on The F Plus, seven will be the loneliest number you could ever do.

The following podcast was recorded on Valentine's Day. fly. That midnight train is whining low. I'm so lonesome I could cry. Hey, and welcome to the F+. My name is John.

And Lemon, Lemon, you there? Oh, oh, sorry. I'm Lemon? Oh, sorry. Lemon? Yes. I'm Lemon. That would be your name, yes. Yeah.

What are you doing? Oh, I'm sorry. I was actually just checking up on all the Facebook stuff for the F+. Okay, okay. I mean, like, I post stuff, and sometimes people say, oh, you know, they click the like button, but say, oh, they click the like button. But other times people don't click the like button. The people like me. And I really want people to like me on the internet because it's important. Lemon, are you feeling lonely?

I really am. I'm sorry. Well, you know what? You know what would be good for you? How about you be lonely with other people? I don't. How does that work? That doesn't make sense.

Well, on the internet, anything is possible. You see, there are whole forums dedicated to people who are lonely and are lonely with other people. They just whine about their loneliness and say how they never are able to meet people to other people who respond to them. But they don't really respond to them. So they're all still lonely. It works perfectly. That seems like a terrible idea. Doesn't it? It really is.

Shit, yeah! Now I'm happy! Yay! Yes, indeed I am. In the room tonight, we have Booster Aingear. Hello, are there any other lonely readers out there? Isfahan. For Valentine's Day, I went out and took a bullet for a hot-ass chick that I didn't even know.

Jack Chick. Deceived by your eyes, all you were told you should see. Come, Quatsop. The Matrix is lonely! John. Lord, bless my podcast friends. Amen. Special guest Frank West.

I ate all the other 32 Frank Wests. And lemon. These people make me lonely. Okay. Kumquat, start us off here. My name is Zorensis311.

I'm a junior member and I'm trying so shard but failing. Sorry. Okay. Tried so shard and got so shfar. I keep getting rejected. I work out in the gym to look good. I grew myself good, but I'm still lonely.

I'm 25 years old, never been kissed, and never been loved by another girl. It's kind of my fault. Why is it your fault? Because I'm Asian. That makes sense. Poor choice, man. Pacific Islander, and I'm not into Asian girls.

I always go for white chicks. My preference. This fall, I am planning to go to South Korea to get my nose and chin augmentation to look like half Caucasians, like Dan and Neil Henney. He doesn't really close that parenthesis. No, it never ends.

No, this is all one print. I'm going to spend about 7K to 10K, and it's a risk. My parents support this because they know my pain. They've never been loved by anyone either. Okay. When I think of expensive plastic surgery procedures, I instantly think South Korea.

It's got to be there. Even when I show confidence, they are not interested. A couple days ago, I signed in online dating websites, and it cost me almost $200. So far, I got nothing. I think I'm doomed forever. Okay. Only I can become doomed, too. I'm becoming too emotional because of loneliness.

I cry every night, and sometimes I cry in daytime. Man, this is why you can't get a date. Is it the sun supposed to stop this? I'm a crying vampire. My sister has a boyfriend and they are buying a house i am so happy for them and i believe she will start a family pretty soon i hope she will have a beauty beautiful family and marriage oh okay i admit i'm a shallow person and i'm not good looking. Okay. However, I have a nice body.

My depression is my distraction. I cry a lot. Is this his dating profile? I think so. I think so. I have failed a lot of accounting classes. What? Only I can pass this class, girls would love me. failed a lot of accounting classes. What? Where is that coming from?

If only I could pass this class, girls would love me. Chicks love accountants. I do accounting classes to count how many times I cry. He can't get any farther because it's like one plus one is what's the point? I'm just all about that paragraph.

Some of them I've taken like five times. Seriously, that paragraph is a thing of fucking beauty it's like he goes to like seven different topics wait there's a horizontal line here but that's not a signature below no it's not it's just a line it's just an act break I think a giant line like that

denotes crying did you say that's an act break yeah no he cried and he tried to wipe it off and it line like that denotes crying. Did you say that's an act break? No, he cried and he tried to wipe it off and it smudged the line. He laid on the hyphen key. He banged on it and said, why?

I just get this picture of him with two dumbbells just bawling. One, two, three, four. Actually in a gym that wouldn't be that odd. Fair enough. There's all the other dudes that are screaming and puking. Alright, go on. Again, as I stated above,

my surgery is coming this fall. I know, comma, I will suffer both physically and emotionally more. What? I just hope it will change my life into a better one.

I play video games with sad, honorable death scenes. If you play a video game where you die honorably, then how do you keep playing after that? Just say, well, that was satisfying, and then you turn the game off. No, it's like Mario getting hit by a turtle shell and then committing seppuku.

No, no, it's like in Final Fantasy VII. It's the same as Final Fantasy VII, and he just keeps reloading it. No, no, no, it's like Final Fantasy VII when the big polygon monster stabs the other polygon monster, and it's emotional or something. I don't fucking know.

Well, in addition to that, every night I ask God, if my life is going to be a failure and lonely, please give me an honorable fight that would lead me to honorable death. Okay, I'll do that for you. I'll have a samurai break into your house.

No worries. Oh, man. I'll set that up for you. Wait, what? I have created sad quotes. Quote, if I'm ugly in life, please let me become beautiful when I die. Wow. And?

Quote, love is a fruul. It's God's gift. I love her, but she doesn't love me. I'm not just gifted. Maybe this is my punishment for all of my sins. Dash, dash, me. All right. You missed the part.

Either it got overshadowed by people talking, but you missed the part where he said, I should have joined the armed forces. Clearly this is a picture of an ardent soldier. This guy's on his way to suicide by company. The thing they teach you in week three in basic training is how to die honorably. They don't try to teach you how to stay alive.

It's all about dying an honorable sin. And then in week four, you take it off so you can have a good long cry. It's fine if you want to take Lonesome Crow. Okay. White chick. I got this. White chicks are overrated. Is in your delusion. They're just people. But is this like beatnik poetry?

Yeah, it looks this is art right here. I only dated, lived with and married white women all my life. How many white women did you marry there, Lonesome? As a matter of fact, in all my LTR, the women asked me out. It was out of necessity and preference. It was out of necessity. Necessity and preference. Not too many single Asian came into my life. I simply didn't turn on a lot of Latino women. I have cross-sections of friends, but a majority of them are white.

I keep them in my fridge. So I guess there's a sense of ease being certain white people. Not to say that all white people... Not to say that. Being a certain white person. Yeah. Not to say that all white people likes me. I experience a lot of discriminations in my life.

You sure did. It's a part of the weirdness of living in the USA. Isn't that true, brother? Yeah, you're right. The odds were slash is stack against my favor. I've been rejected by women a lot. I lost count. I feel been rejected by women a lot. I lost count. I feel like shit after rejection

like anyone, but I bounce back eventually, sometimes slowly, other times faster. I don't think the rejection rate would matter either way. I stopped keeping track. I don't think plastic surgery would improve my chances with women.

It's Italian. What? He's just... What? splastiche surgery would improve my chances with women. It's Italian. I, I, what? He's just, what? Maybe it's plastic. He's complying that guy's post to his own life and going,

no, no, no, that doesn't make sense at all. It's like, we're living different lives here. Yeah. This guy's an expert on making sense.

That's for sure. I don't think my self-confidence is perfect and I don't think I'm a chick. Man, man, get, I do have an attitude at times and it's not all, I don't think my self-confidence is perfect, and I don't think I'm a chick man-get. I do have an attitude at times, and it's not all positive. Sorry, I believe that word says manger. I'm not a chick manger. I thought it was man-get. Chick man-get.

That would be an awesome name. Bulk slaphead. My name is Chick Manget. I do have an attitude at times, and it's not all positive. I suck at accounting. I've never took accounting in my entire life. I suck at the things I've never done. It doesn't really bother me if I don't do accounting.

What? I'm an eight-year-old writing a report on accounting. What the Christ? I'm a terrible astronaut. I've never been an astronaut. This guy's just going through point by point, refuting. I'm the worst ninja ever.

You're having all these issues and I don't have them. I don't see what your problem is. I meet women wherever. Oh, I've never tried there. Yeah, it's a cool club. What the hell do you mean by shallow? Shallow to who and what? Oh, yeah, I'm some Asian dude.

On a tuss-a-day, I don't really give a rat's ass what other people say, think, or do. I use to grow my hair almost down to my ass, wear snake skin boots, cut off t-shirts, and my son glasses at night. And you had problems with women, did you? How surprising. Glasses at night. And you had problems with women, did you? How surprising. Why only on a Tuesday does he not give a rat's ass what other people say?

I don't... Yeah, well, the rest of the day is... Yeah, he cares a lot. The rest of the day is he's like... Tuesday is my give-no-fuck day. Today, I slap Moose as in the animal in my hair. He takes a big chunk of Moose, puts it in his hair. He puts a Moose on his head and then spanks it. It gives it the wet, dirty look.

No, I think not bathing. It gives you the wet, dirty look. No, I think not bathing. That would give you the wet, dirty look. I know only one Asian girl in my life. She's very beautiful. One of the prettiest women I've met in my life. And then? I make no excuses for my desires as a man.

I make no excuses for myself. I move through the world without apology. He made this signature on a Tuesday. He woke up on Wednesday and looked at the signature and was like, Oh God, what was I thinking? Oh, I give a fuck about that. Can I be the user whose name is asterisk psi asterisk? Yes, but first John needs to take jails. Oh, sorry. I'm jails and I'm asterisk. Yes, but first John needs to take Jails. Oh, sorry.

I'm Jails, and I'm a posting freak. That is terrible that you are only attracted to white girls. I think if you gave other girls a chance, you would be surprised by how much you would be attracted to them once you are with them. Also, instead of focusing on getting a girlfriend, try and focus on getting rid of your depression. To do this, build healthy relationships with people. Semicolon. Boys, girls, boy girls, lol.

Healthy relationships that help your depression and with time you will find someone. Just try not to be so closed-minded. White females are beautiful, semicolon. Yes, but more often than just the way someone looks is what creates attraction. I think with time you will figure that out on your own, though.

Oh, and my goodness, about the change in your nose and all that, I think that is really bad. It is a sign of low self-esteem. Really. That whole post is a sign of low self-esteem. What are you talking about? Which many people have, instead It is a sign of low self-esteem. Really? That whole post is a sign of low self-esteem. Yeah, the one that's the one. Which many people have.

Instead of spending money changing the way you look, you need to focus on changing the way you think. Thank you, Michael Jackson. I know that is harder than it sounds, though, but you have to work on it. In many ways, I can say I'm ugly. I don't have perfect teeth. I'm black, so I have short, ungrowable, kinky hair. Wow. Self-racist.

All right. This is so weird. I have a long face with lots of bums. Hey, nose, got a dollar. Nose, got a damn face, hobos. Dark skin, blah, blah, blah. We should just list dark skin as like, wow, this lady hates her race. Yep.

No, it doesn't have all dark skin. It just has lots of dark skin. Okay. But at the end of the day, although in the minority, we know that, there are people out there who find all these things attractive, and I will end up with one of those people. I'm already with them. All of them? You shouldn't say will end up, should you?

I hope that you really do listen to what I'm saying. Everyone is beautiful to someone, and beauty is not all that counts. So my humble advice to you is to work on building healthy relationships. Build one and put it out to sea. And then set it on fire.

It's a viking funeral yes for the moment and be more open minded good luck and underneath that if you give a mouse a cookie mouse and it says lord bless my online friends amen

and now I have a new spray for TF2 oh man oh you're right okay okay yeah my name is that's what it says folks holy shit man your life is just like mine. I'm Asian, too. Chinese. Except I kind of like Asian girls, and I'm only 18.

I look decent, I suspect. Sorry. This is striking suspicion. I look decent, I suspect. But I have spent money on products that would better my looks, hoping for a girlfriend or just a friend. I am not to the point where I am crying due to a lack of relationships, but I feel depressed all the time. Luckily, though not enough to think about suicide. And about the honorable thing, I kind of know what you mean i imagine myself sometimes taking

a bullet for a hot ass chick that i don't even know oh man i love the way you shot me i'm so wet right now quick fuck me before i die i never even kissed a girl yet and i always tend to lie to people if they ask me if I have. Kind of pathetic. I really hope you can get out of your predicament and find a hot-ass wife that loves you. And then another fellow lonely Asian can find ease.

Bugs are the only thing that matter with women. That's why you need to make sure to get a hottie. Alright, I'm Ruffle Lawler. Oh god. Yeah. Zarensis, dude, you are a lot like me. I'm Asian as well and I'm 20.

I never had a girlfriend and never been kissed. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness depresses me and can be overwhelming. I like all girls equally. I don't have a preference. Anything that will fuck me, I'm cool with. I like all girls equally. I don't have a preference. Anything that will fuck me, I'm cool with. Just whatever. I know mostly white people

and only a couple Asians. Everyone I'm attracted to a girl, though it has... What? Okay. One more time. Every time I'm attracted to a girl, though it has never been about the way they look, it's always been about their personality.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's good. One girl I was attracted to was very pretty, and the other is what people would call a plain Jane, although none of them worked out. Either I got rejected or I was too late on making a move. Timing seems to be a serious problem in my relationship.

It was their personality that I was attracted to. Never judge a movie by its cover. I don't like books. I was too depressed for about two years that I had stopped meeting people, but this year I decided to give it a try and do some of the things that I used to be too shy to do.

Sometimes I have wondered, maybe I'm just too ugly, but it has never crossed my mind as a reason for girls rejecting me. Sometimes I also blame myself for being Asian. How dare I be Asian? Stop it. Stop it immediately. Amazing self-racism. The entire thread, it's great. But I later realized that I should be proud of who I am and my heritage,

although there are some obvious challenges that people throw at me. Yes, it hurts to, I don't know. What? Yo, are you fucking Asian? You can't Asian as good as other Asians. Do this calculus problem right now. Right now! Yes, it's checked so many times, and the feeling of loneliness sometimes fills me with rage, as good as other age... Do this calculus problem right now. Right now! Beat the high score in Dance Dance Revolution.

...so many times, and the feeling of loneliness sometimes fills me with rage, but it doesn't hurt to try and do something about it. Whatever happens to me, for example, I just got rejected today by another girl I have liked for a very long time. I always try to keep my head up at the end of the day, even though some nights

it's almost impossible, and hope that something good will happen in the coming day, and maybe that one day I'll run into a girl that would not reject me for a change. Okay, it's me again. You're a downer.

Hey, Raffle Lawler. I really envy you to be able to ask a check out. I don't even have two balls to do that. Well, I never ask girls out or talk to anybody, and I don't understand why I'm so lonely. Everybody just thinks I'm really surly all the time. Holy shit. Holy shit, no.

Zarensis 311 fucking comes back with a bang there. On the second page? No, right here, dude. Right under my post. My surgery is not just something to improve my looks, it's a fight for me. Push it to the limit. Is he hoping his honorable death is on the operating table?

For his honorable death, he gets killed through cosmetic surgery failure. That's basically how the Vikings went out, right? If this surgery kills me, it's okay. That'll actually bring you to Los Angeles Valhalla. Hello, everybody. This is Jack Chick. I am SOG1185, and the title of this post is How Long Do Normal People Stay Single For? So this past year, I've been doing my best to grow and break out of my shell and meet new people.

And I'm still a painfully shy person, but at least now I have some confidence. I have confidence to be happy with my life, single or not. But I'm at a point now where I know I need to start dating. And I know I can be successful at it. The frustrating part is that it's such a long and drawn-out process. Finding the right place to go, or the right words to say say or the right times and places to touch her. All for something, someone that is in all likelihood seeing three other guys ahead of you anyway. I think the problem is the buses, they answered all those questions for me.

Realistically, I only have time to schedule one date a week anyway. Assuming that I was actually able to meet one new completely random single person every week to ask for a date, which I have yet to figure out how to do. Where are people? I don't know where they are. Only where there were locations with alcohol and music where I could talk to people. I lived all around my house, and I didn't find a single random person. I did find a garden hose, though. It's just my mom.

And that worked for a while. It seems like with all the odds stacked against us, you fucking moron, it could take months or years before I find someone that is actually worth sticking around for. Are normal people this patient? Did everyone really go through this? How are there so many people in relationships if it is such a grueling task just to start one?

Grueling task. Well, thanks for letting me spill my thoughts all over the place here, Ellipsis, Ellipsis, Ellipsis. Spill my thoughts all over the place. That's the thoughts. The extra thoughts that got spilled.

The ellipsis. No, it was the run over because his brain is working at such a higher capacity. Oh, that's true, yeah. Alright, Frank West, Rebecca Sarah. I'm Rebecca Sarah 33. I have eaten the other Rebecca

Sarahs 33-32. They got relationships. I've always found for me that it ends up being someone already in my life somehow, whether it's a friend's friend, a friend's boyfriend's friend. Sometimes I go to work-school church like I've seen them before a few times. I guess that's pretty normal. But I'm only one person, so I don't really know if that's normal. Ha ha. It's been a long time

since I've been on a new date though. Smile. I don't know what I'm... I guess that's sticking out your tongue. I'm hungry. Where is Rebecca on 34? I need another Rebecca Sarah to eat. Bring them to me. I'm hungry. Where is Rebecca 34? I need another Rebecca Sarah to eat. Bring them to me.

I'm only one person now. The last one lasted almost five years. I'm very loyal, haha. This is just my opinion and hope it doesn't offend anyone. To eat their own, cheers. But I don't think it's normal

to date multiple people at one time. That's a controversial statement. I'm offended. That's a little complicated to get to know someone when you're trying to remember which one it was that you took to whichever place. Et cetera. Ha ha.

I would never want someone to date someone else if they were dating me, so I wouldn't do that to them. That was quite a controversial statement. That was hard to follow. Yeah, it really was. So this guy's like, I can't find anyone to date. And the very next response is, man, I'm having a lot of trouble dating more than one person. It's nice to be you, though, I bet.

It's the to be you, though, I bet. It's the exact opposite. I'm having trouble finding anyone to date. Well, don't date more than one. Quit hogging all the dateable people. That's why the odds are stacked against him. It's fucking Rebecca Serra and her cohorts.

Oh, hey, I'm having trouble dating anyone. Hey, forum full of people who can't date anyone else, can you help me? Thanks. Hey, John, if you would take round as a penguin and I might have an idea of what her problem might be.

Oh, my God. Why would that be? of what her problem might be. Oh, my God. Okay. My name is John, and I'm reading Round as a Penguin. Attack of the killer penguin. Penguins don't usually... They're wacky. That's true. The harder you try, the more difficult or impossible it may seem.

A guy friend of mine once used to date a lot of women, and I've always marveled at that cause. I mean, like, wow, where did you find the guts to ask that many women out? He sat down with me one day over lunch, calmly looked at me over the table and smiled slowly, telling me it isn't like he was always successful the The first time he asks a woman out, just the one. What I've seen is the number of times he succeeded. What I've not seen is how many times he fell. He's clumsy. Very clumsy.

Whoa! He's Jerry Lewis. So, have at it. Ask the next girl who catches your eye out. If you fail, don't let it thump you down, K. Sometimes you've got to fall a few times before you get it right. Kind of like learning how to ride a bike. Now, how many people can say they've learned how to ride a bike without ever falling?

You've just got to pick yourself up and try again. And be brave enough to try again, smiley face. Is falling a metaphor for her? She mentions it a lot. I mean, think about it. Her name is Round as a Penguin. Falling is probably a pretty big deal for her. Wait, wait, wait.

No, she's a weeble. She can't fall down. Hey, Round as a Penguin, what's your signature? My signature says, this penguin's one fry short of a happy meal. And I'm going to complain to the McDonald's that they stiffed me a fry.

Baby, I bet you were a slut in high school giving it up in the boys' room and that's why I like you right now. So you want me to read this in the it seemed appropriate okay how many people over 20 are still virgins

i'm 25 still virgin sometimes i can't believe it's possible that i've gotten to this age without having sex other times i just sit there in despair realizing I've thrown away so many years of my youth, where I should have been meeting women, enjoying relationships, having sex, etc. Since I hit 25, it just seems to have gotten worse. I just can't seem to stop thinking about my predicament. I don't know if that's common amongst other older virgins, to suddenly reach an age where the reality of the situation starts to become more apparent. I would guess so.

Fortunately, I'm quite a sexual person. Oh, really? I enjoy reading, watching, talking about it. Oh, my God. So not having experienced it is very difficult. I'm a sexual person in that I don't have any. I don't know why you guys are making fun of him. That's a very serious problem.

I'm a very adolescent person. I've never been outside, but... I'm a sexual person. It's just that true force loneliness has got me down. I enjoy reading, but not my own posts. I really need to lose my virginity as soon as possible. Otherwise I'll be sacrificed to the volcano god. I'm next on the list.

I've already got tons of regrets about remaining a virgin so long, which I suppose I'll have to live with the rest of my days. But the sooner I can start making up for lost time, the better. If only I could go back in time and fuck myself. I really feel like I'm in an impossible situation though, because I really want my first time to be with somebody else equally inexperienced.

Really? But at 25, that's becoming more and more unlikely. I mean, I want my first time to be as awkward as possible. Exactly. That certainly was the, I want my first time to be as awkward as possible. Exactly. That certainly was the best part of my first time. Yeah.

I mean, most girls who remain virgins in their mid-twenties long are looking to wait until marriage or until they meet Mr. Right, who probably doesn't exist anyway. Girls who still haven't done it are probably teenagers, which is perhaps a bit

too young, in all honesty. If I did meet a significantly younger girl, I think I'd be jealous of them for having experienced sex all those years before I did. Wow, what? I don't think your issues are keeping you from getting laid at all. Well, you're a slut, Lucky.

Sadly, on the most shy slash SA communities, for every female in my situation, there's probably 50 guys. Why did I have to be born male? Oh, Jesus. Lol. Frowny face lol. That's an interesting combination. Frowny face lol. That's an interesting combination. Frowny face lol.

That's mixed messages. I realize there's a lot of guys many years older than me in similar circumstances. I do feel for them as well. I know I'm being picky, and I've been told so elsewhere, but I want to try and get things right for once. To cross that milestone in a way I can't look back on fondly without any regrets. Except for all the ones I'm having right now. I don't expect anyone to agree with me or even care,

but I just need to vent since I've got absolutely no one I can talk to openly about this. All the people at work ever say is, go with a prostitute. I mean, WTF? That's just them wanting to shut you up. Yeah. Go fuck a hooker. Stop talking to me. I can't believe people at work aren't listening to me.

I just frown and then start laughing and they never listen to me. I just frown and then start laughing and they never listen to me I just want to point out that that guy's post has for me an ad in it for filipinocupid.com yeah I've got that fuck you alright if you want to go down

kumquat take spare oh I'm spare boing boing I'm 28 and I'm also flyinging boing I'm 28 And I'm also flying virgin airlines I get it It's a good airline to fly

Because you get really good discounted rates What terrible overpriced record store do you shop at? As opposed to the non-overpriced record store? Yeah What are records? Oh I get all my records off of... Oh, I get it. Yeah, it kind of messed with you.

You wonder, what's wrong with me? Why aren't I normal? Not one single friend of mine from high school graduated a virgin. Few of them graduated pregnant. I was hung up on the same girl in high school who just happened to be my best friend's girlfriend. And then after high school, I just never found myself in a position

to meet women. I don't even know any single women. Not any at all. All of my friends are older than me and married to boot. So... Married to boots? Boots? Yeah, well yeah i'm pretty relaxed on the laws in canada here

inspiration for big love big love eh so i'm not going to be meeting anyone through them despite all their assurances of don't worry we'll find you someone i went through that phase of i just have to do it i can't miss out on it anymore. All the while terrified of the prospect. I just know I would do nothing but embarrass myself in the sack. But then, one day my mindset began to change. The idea of a one night stand, though never all that appealing to me, became downright appalling. I have reached

a point in my life where if I ever do finally get to lose my virginity, it has to be with someone special. Someone I care about, and someone who cares about me. I won't even go to strip clubs. Never mind the fact that I've never seen a naked woman in real life

before. Jesus Christ. Lemon, we're sending you in. I went out for Halloween last year with some friends dressed ingeniously, I might add, as Santa Claus.

Okay. That doesn't make any sense because Santa Claus happens at Christmas. I get it. Breaking the boundaries. That's so transgressive. That explosion you heard was my mind blowing. That explosion you heard was my eyes. I'm Asian.

At the last bar of the night, I was sitting alone at a table. A sad, lonely Santa. Oh, I wish there were photos. I'm sure someone took a photo of that. That could be a painting, a sad Santa at a bar. Exactly. With a big, sad halo over him. It's like if a bad Santa stopped after like five minutes.

That would have been nice. Sad Santa. Watching all these people and happy couples around me having a good ole drunken time. They were all Mexican. Ole. drunken time. They were all Mexican. Then this girl in a slutty leather costume came over

and from out of nowhere starting rubbing up on me. I was of course all thumbs mentally as well as physically. Why were there thumbs in your mind? What the hell? I just imagined him

immediately shoving his thumbs up all of a sudden. He's just immediately shoving his thumbs through his ears and into his brain. This is what I do when I'm sad. Eventually, she tugged down my santa beard and oh beard tug jobs uh heck on the corner of my mouth then wandered off into the crowd she told my friend a bit later that she just wanted to make me blush what it was make me blush.

What it was make me feel like garbage. Wow. That was the physically closest I've ever been to a woman. It was the most sexual thing that has ever happened to me. It was a disgusting, dimlit bar filled with stoking, drunken idiots. It was cheap! Oh my god. This guy has his own manifesto somewhere. She had to be punished just like all

women. When it happens, if it happens, I'm beginning to suspect it may not. Me too. to suspect it may not. This is begin-ging. Begin-ging?

It's the beginning of binging. It cannot be cheap. It has to be deep. Ooh, that's a t-shirt. It has to be emotional, and it has to be loving. There aren't many guys who will understand this.

If I were to discuss any of this with anyone in person, I am sure the cries of, get over yourself, would be deafening. In which case, I would need a pair of earplugs, because this is just the way it is for me. All I have right now are my thumbs. There aren't many guys who will understand this. If only there were a forum full of them so this girl goes up to this guy and pretty blatantly flirts with him and he doesn't do

anything and he's still wondering why he can't get any well no she was totally fucking oh wait he so his problem was he couldn't get laid so he thinks the solution to this problem is to raise his standards even higher. Yes. Yeah. Trollop! I just want to have sex with a woman. Well, you know what? I'll do it.

I'll have sex with you. You whore! Who do you think I am? The very fact you'd be willing to have sex with me means... I lost my virginity when I was 20 to a woman that I loved very, very much. I consider myself pretty lucky for that. I've had sex plenty of times since then with several different women. Honestly, it's not all... It's cracked up to be, Ibo.

Sex with someone you care about is awesome. Sex with someone you don't give a shit about is just a means to an end. And my signature says, free hugs, snuggles, cuddles, and all that. Oh, yay. I can't have sex with anybody. Listen to how much I had sex. Snuggles. The snuggles we do for cookies.

Isfahan, go to page two and then get Brian. So, how's the hope and change going for you? Oh, God. I consider myself still a virgin. Having had sex with one girl, I think I have about as much experience as I did when all I did was sit and watch porn. Frankly, I still feel just as depressed and lonely, if not more so. I haven't actually gotten anywhere.

But big pro tip for when that first time does happen. Buy extended performance condoms. The kind with a numbing agent. Man, product placement is horrible. He's holding a box of extended performance condoms up to his face right now. This is the brand I like. The kind with a numbing agent.

This is my plan for any future encounters I might have. It'll make up for that lack of experience by a bit by letting us at least last longer. Oh, was he having a lasting problem? I hadn't picked up on that. This guy is so dedicated to being lonely and a virgin that he

had sex and still considers himself a virgin. I don't want to leak my forum! No, that doesn't count. Yeah, after they were done, he jumped out of bed and said, that didn't count! It didn't count. He didn't feel anything. He was numb. He immediately undid it. It wasn't numb. He went and rewound.

And then he yelled, buy Trojan condoms and ran out the room. I am Sophia Grace and I'm unregistered. Oh, get out the room. I am Sophia Grace and I'm unregistered. Oh, get out of here. Hi. I'm going to join your club,

kitty face. Wow. I never realized how many people were holding out. Thought I was totally alone, smiley face. This thread actually made me feel better. Different smiley face. thread actually made me feel better different smiley face i think that's a censored word i don't know what word it is but it begins with the dan i'm not gonna do it um i am seriously considering waiting until marriage on the sex thing

that sex thing i That's sex thing. I guess the only thing that holds me is the what if I go batshit possibility if I meet someone I really like. I wouldn't worry about going batshit. Once you say I'm waiting for marriage, if you break that, I feel like people don't take you seriously anymore. Heck, I know of a site

where I could get sex snapped like that if I wanted to. Really? What is it? I'm also assuming this person is female, so... I'm assuming? But my normal voice is my female voice, so... But I've chosen not to,

partially for fear of axe-wielding psychos, and partly because I feel as though it'd tear me up inside if I did it with a complete stranger. So with the axe-wielding psychos, I guess I'm emotionally sensitive or something. Shifty eyes. A 180-degree spin of randomness. You guys do realize there's such a thing as involuntary celibacy form, right? Let's write this down for another episode. You guys do realize there's such a thing as involuntary celibacy forum, right? It's called... Yay! Let's write this down for another episode.

It's called Incel Support or Incel Forum. Something like that. I have to look through my favorites on my laptop at home to provide the link. Oh my god. I've got so many different involuntary celibacy forums. True Force. I don't even know. I have to look through it.

Incel Inside. Do-dee-do-dee. Incel Quotient. I don't get it. Never mind. You damn kids. I think I remember posts on that forum about sex therapists having sex with 50-year-old virgins. I don't know if I should be amused by that memory or not.

Hungry face. Alright. Man, I bet this makes you guys really upset that you fucking didn't hold out to have sex until you were like 30. You just could have posted on this totally fun forum and instead you guys were off getting laid. It does look like a fun group of people. I'm telling you, Big Daddy, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

All right, I'm taking the original post here, but somebody needs to claim EvanescenceFan91. That sounds like me. All right. My name is White LaChorus LaChorus I don't like to meet people I don't like to meet real people Yet I feel so miserable to be alone

I don't like to meet or socialize With real people Real people are fearsome Their faces are smiling But it could be that all those smiles are lies Oh god I wonder why you don't nominate poor people Are you okay? Your faces are smiling, but it could be that all those smiles are lies. God. I wonder why you don't know many poor people.

Are you okay? And people would be so horrible when they laugh at you for some reason that you don't even know. They can hate you just by the one look without looking further and leave you just like that. I'd prefer to live alone in the jungle or somewhere, but sometimes it feels so lonely that I need someone to hear me or tell anything about... wait. Tell about anything to me, just to make me feel

that I do exist as a person in this world. I can't express myself freely around people. In reality, I'm confined by my own self. I'm afraid that people would hate me whenever I say, so I often prefer not to say anything. I'm tired of it, but I don't know how to overcome that kind of fear,

angry frown. I'm free from my shell in this forum, as no one knows who I really am, so I don't need to be afraid to say what I want to say or to share my opinion. Only on the internet am I free. Hopefully. I do really, really hope that someday I'll change. Living in fear is tiring. I don't want it

hopefully by joining this forum i can train myself to express my opinion freely so how do you do it's nice to meet you really happy smile i don't like real people. I like internet people. Hi, internet people. Hello, text on the internet. Hey, White Lachorse, I understand what you mean. I really detest people.

They're loud, obnoxious, misleading, and full of germs. It's Howard Hughes. Why am I so lonely? Alas. Alas! Alas! But still my psyche craves for social interaction. It's hard and scary.

Karma in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, and then three line breaks. Three line breaks. But confidence is very much just fake it till you make it just don't think too much about it people come and people go we think people will judge us really harshly if we fail a social interaction with them but they've got their own lives and they'll soon forget about it

so just act confident and soon you'll feel confident. Like swimming sometimes, you just gotta jump in the deep end. Jump in the deep end. Here at the F+, we like poo jokes. And you do exist. I can see your

writing and hear your words. Oh, shit. Wow. René Descartes up in this bitch. Hugs. P.S. Your English is very good. Oh, coming from you. Think IT wasn't your native language till you sated it?

Oh, you sport really good. Um, oh, okay, I have poetry, but let's do this one first. Oh, God. Socrates. The Mountain Dew of Socrates. I'm going to drink this poison, and then I'm going to get on this

half ramp. Socrates X guitar riff yeah about to ask out a 10-10 girl I met her in a bar with my I met her in a bar with my pua I met her in a bar

with my pua She gave me her number I called her last night when I was tipsy And left a voicemail She hasn't called back yet When I finish this beer to get a buzz I will call her again Not good to be a pussy

I won't be sad or angry if I get rejection. It can all be solved by getting cash and muscle. Wait, I want to be changed for good. One smiley beating another. Okay. A smiley beating another smiley forever.

I'm change number four good. Good for you, Socrates X. Good luck. Thanks. The way to get really hot girl to want to meet you and know more about you is to tell her that she looks decent. And see it like you don't quite believe she's even that attractive. That's it.

It will bug the fuck out of he for the rest of the night, and she'll search you out and want to know why you feel that way about her. Because no one else does. But to be honest, I'd rather just take the super direct route and tell her that I'm looking for a fun time and that it could be with her or it could be with someone else. If she's into it, fine. If not, then move on. And maybe leave a give slash take as you walk away.

Lol. Something like, oh, that's too bad. I would have thought the girl like you would know how to have fun. That line is pretty much more like a parting shot than anything else. It's like, oh, you're probably a whore. I would have thought that a girl like you would know how to have fun. All right. Women like being called whores.

I like the way your nose wrinkles when you're a whore. Don't say a word, my virgin child. Nose wrinkles when you're a whore. Okay, this is Inner Peace. I'm a member. Girl suddenly says, Oh, I have a boyfriend. What does this mean exactly i have a feeling she doesn't actually have a boyfriend let me explain i asked this girl in my class if she needs a ride to our field trips and she said sure and i got a chance to talk to her a lot during these trips. Then on the last trip I was taking her home I said, hey I want to find out sometime. She said, oh what do you want Ot to do? I asked her what she likes to do on weekends and what she does and she seemed to get

uncomfortable then and said, oh well nothing really. I go out with friends occasionally but nothing really. She also said, please leave me alone. She's a good conversationalist. You replaced the word hang with find, and it really changed the tone of the sentence. Did I really? Yeah. Oh. Said, hey, want to find out sometime? She also mentioned

that she had not met anyone or made friends with anyone in four years of university. I have a feeling she doesn't really have friends. She also doesn't have Facebook, which doesn't really mean anything. She says she doesn't like people seeing what she does. Anyways, after I asked her to hang out, she said, oh, what do you want to do then?

She tried to change the subject and started talking about herself again. Anyways, I think I asked her once again what she does in her city or whatever and I think she got pissed and she suddenly said, oh, I hang out with my boyfriend sometimes.

And I said, and I said, oh, you have a boyfriend? Well, what do you guys think? Did I piss her off or she just doesn't like me? I doubt she has a boyfriend and she wouldn't have brought it up until now. Plus, she was telling me how she is almost always at home. Anyways, I'm going to leave her alone now and not call her or anything.

But I'll just say hi to her and talk to her when I see her in class. I don't believe that last sentence. Yeah, I don't either. So, hey, what are you into? Uh, nothing. Nothing at all. Oh, you like to do it in the city. Nothing.

Do you have Facebook? Can I be your Facebook friend? I don't have Facebook. Can I follow you in the parking lot every day? Can I follow you in the parking lot every day? She says she doesn't like people seeing what she sees, so I have to remain hidden in the bushes outside her house. There's no bush that could hide that guy.

That's a grove right there. All right, boots. Yeah. Am I not high? Yeah. When are you not high? Hey! Most of the time.

Girls are weird. I mean, you can understand that, man. I think girls are weird. Anyway, girls are weird. I think a lot of them get boyfriends just so they can say they have one. Eve met girls who haven't seen their boyfriends in weeks. Of their own choice. They post pictures and talk about him because it's all the same one guy for all of them.

There's just one guy. His name is Brad. Quit hogging all the girls, Brad. He does really well for himself. They post pictures and talk about him like they're really close. Yet she never does anything with him. Every time I drive by, his car's not in the driveway. I've tapped their phone lines. They never talk.

They normally break up with them or avoid them because they feel it's too good for them and deserves better. Keep an eye out for them, and you will notice just girls who aren't ready to date but don't want to feel singled out. Wait, Boots, would you please just back up and just read that last sentence? Keep an eye. The sentence is keep an eye out for them and you'll notice one. Put her in your closet.

That's a good sentence. That's sage advice. Just girls who aren't ready to date but don't want to feel singled out. You're probably better off not with her. Oh. Because the other option is an impossibility.

I don't think she's ready for a relationship. That's scary. I didn't get that vibe at all. He's really wise. I don't think she's ready for a relationship with you. Yeah. It seems to follow that assertive and aggressive guys who persist on hitting them are normally the ones that they don't hit. I think you missed a word.

You missed a very important word. I'm saying that. But you know what? You're probably not wrong. Wound. I think you missed a word. You missed a very important word. Did I say hitting them? But you know what? You're probably not wrong. Spoon. Whoops. Sorry. It seems to fall that assertive and aggressive guys who persist on hitting on them are normally

the ones they go for when they feel they're ready to date, even though they were not. Okay. The high and talking... What? You got it. Okay. The high and talking plan would probably work

pretty well, given time and if you're emotionally stable enough. Yeah. But if you were emotionally stable enough, you wouldn't be on this forum. Do not expect it to work. Yeah. But if you were emotionally stable enough, you wouldn't be on this forum. Do not expect it to work. LOL. Otherwise,

it could lower your self-esteem. Trying so hard and getting nothing. I would depend on trying for another girl if you're wanting a relationship soon. This one just doesn't seem ready. Well,

Inner Peace has had some more thoughts on this. Oh, okay. Okay. I don't know. I interpreted this as number one. She told me she has a boyfriend because she doesn't like me and didn't want me to phone

her later to take her out. Why did that? That couldn't be it. I'm so charming. But then why would she agree to come to the field trips with me? Field trips is one word. I'm sure she could sense I liked her as I asked her to come with me, and I could easily ask any other girl in the class. Oh, she should be lucky.

Number two, I thought she got pissed at me for asking her what she does on the weekends, etc. Her reply was kind of odd. She said, oh, you know, I go to, like, birthday parties sometimes, and that's it. I love this girl. I love this girl. Tamiria sounds like she doesn't JT have friends or not many friends. She also said she is usually home.

I don't think you're right. She may have said she had a boyfriend to get me to just back off. From the way she suddenly said, oh, I have a boyfriend, right? get me to just back off. From the way she suddenly said, oh, I have a boyfriend, right? After I kept on asking her what she likes to do on weekends,

it seems like she just made it up for a reason to get me to back off. Yeah, I think I'm not going to bother with her anymore. But I'll just try and go and say hi and shout with her in class, but won't call her after classes. I'm going to give up stalking that one, but I'll leave my options open. Hear that lonesome whippoorwill He sounds too blue to fly The midnight train is whining low

I'm so lonesome I could cry And there we go. If you were listening to the podcast to feel less lonely, I don't know if it worked or not. John, what do you think you learned this week? I learned that you can be lonely with other people. I mean, I was kind of joking about that at the intro, but it really seems like these people are all like, I'm so lonely. I don't know how to meet everyone.

It's like, hey, I'm lonely too. And then they don't really meet with each other, talk to each other. They're just like, hey. It's amazing because they're actually forming relationships and friendless and and friends around their loneliness so therefore if they weren't lonely anymore they would yes have friends they see the other thing i learned on loneliness oh yes the other thing i learned is that you know some people are lonely because maybe they don't know how to meet people some people are lonely because i don't know maybe they have you know like a mental issue maybe they're having know how to meet people. Some people are lonely because, I don't know, maybe they have a mental issue.

Maybe they're having social anxiety. But there are some people that are lonely just because they're shit people. They're just assholes. And that's it. There's nothing else. There's no deeper meaning. They're just on there. It's like, I'm lonely.

I don't know why. Fuck everyone else. I want them to be stabbed in the face. I'm like, hmm, I wonder why nobody likes you. Exactly. Yeah, the idea of people saying, oh, you know, girls are really just shallow and stuff, but I really want a hot girl. And I'm a virgin, but I demand a virgin because I'm also like a Puritan or something. It's like a badge of honor at some point.

It's like, I'm glad that I'm lonely. I'm going to go kill myself gladly. Yeah, yeah. The whole annoying sort of running thought of, oh, nice guys or girls dig jerks. Sometimes the problem is girls don't dig irritating losers. Exactly. Now, let's say somebody who's listening to the F+, wants to socially connect with other lonely F+, people.

How would they do that, Lemon? I would recommend they go to thefpl.us to do that. We also have the Facebook if you want it, or you can tell your friends, or fucking Last.fm, I don't care. Interact with us in whatever way you want. Tell your friends.

Please click that thumbs up button because we need it so bad. Good lord we do. We really do. Thanks for listening. Bye. well behind the clouds to hide its tears and cry. Did you ask me

My name is Lonely Girl. Ron Paul, a great man. Perfect. Ron Paul, a great man. Perfect. Ron Paul, a great man, fighting for our liberty. Break free from the Matrix now. Shit, I can't beat that. We're not going to top that one. Oh, my God.

I still want to do this one by Husky. Okay. Mew, purr, flap, cuckoo. I miss my cat and my bird. A prayer for pets.