The F Plus - 402: Magickal Preambles & Dumb Dork Recipes

Episode Date: April 6, 2024

Okay, so here's the premise: Neal sent us a document of Magicakal Recipes from Plentiful Earth, and Smallest Sasquatch sent us a document annoying nerd reference recipes from various blogs. And while each of those selections are irritating on their own right, we decided to see what would happen if we did both of them at once. This week, the F Plus needs to apologize to Turkey.

I think that the millennials will present the yin energy because I feel like a lot of the consumerist culture is a source of destruction. This is going to be a long one, huh? Yeah, you can drop that character whenever you like. You don't even need to ask us for permission. That's fine. I thought I was one note. Now set down the pizza and bring some chicken. Throw it on top and make finger licking.

Guacamole. Meatball. With cream pouring like waterfalls. Here's a little sauce. Stuff yourself with the F Plus Podcast. We've got terrible things read with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight, we've got King Lou Fernandez. The Master Chief Mojito.

Bacardi Rum. Mountain Dew Energy. Half a Lime. Cement Sprigs. Crushed Ice. It's just the thing for your inner huragok. Jack, chick. I'm feeling the need for power, strength, and happiness in my life.

And that's why I'm making best ever smoky bacon, beef, and bean chili recipe for power. Kendrick Lobster! Add the four bundles of buckwheat soba noodles, basil, pistachios, shredded cheddar cheese, and red wine vinegar to the bowl of the food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Dijon du jour? the food processor and pulse until finely chopped. Dijon du jour? To mix lime juice you'll need cranberry juice, aloe juice, gin, lime juice,

Irish cream liqueur, lime wedge, and a maraschino cherry. That's too much flavor. And lemon. Streets of Rage 2's trash can chicken. You will need trash can chicken. Could it get any easier?

But wait There's No, no, no Hey F-Less. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hey. Hi.

Jack, Jack. Jack, Jack. Let me start things. Yeah. Let me start things off. Yeah. You seemed worried. You seemed worried about something.

No, I'm living. I'm learning to give up my worries so that I can live with a more intention, intention based, uh, energy and authenticity. Wow. That's excellent. So, so I'm assuming you have a,

a new guru, new guru now. I mean, I, I, I refer to them as, as a mentor and a healer. Oh,

okay. That's great. That's great. So, uh, what is your what has your mentor been feeding you? Mostly cocktails from video games. Great. Well, that makes sense. That makes sense in the confines of this episode.

Because here's the thing that I got for y'all. Is that before we hit record, we were looking at a document from Smallest Sasquatch called Millennials Learn to Cook with Fandom Recipes, which is so infuriating that I needed to cut it with something that was differently infuriating. So then I found another thing here called this is from neil somebody we haven't heard from a little while actually neil's been uh he's been pretty regular in the comments uh we have a document from neil called the sorcery banquet magickle recipes so i think that between the two i feel like that will be the yin and yang i'm not really sure which

one will be which but i think that'll help us to lead a balanced life so i want to start off here with as mentioned the document from neil the banquet a gustatory gastro grimoire for domestic and dietary diabolism and this first section here is called just the preambles to McGickle recipes. Good. So to that end, we are going to a website with a horrible logo. And according to the logo of this website, this website is called Plentifuel Averfth. Yeah, that's correct. Because that triangle is a period.

Excellent. Right. Exactly. Exactly. So if you, I think, Lou, if you'd start us off here with the instant pot bone broth recipe for grounding, healing, and vitality. No problem. It's delicious. Hi, my name is Aurora Mooney, and this is my delicious bone broth recipe.

Nothing says fall and winter like a cozy, warming, perfectly seasoned bowl of soup. Every soup has a base broth. Why not make sure your soup and stew broth is filled with magic and healing nutrients? Why not? This beef and chicken bone broth contains vital trace minerals and is packed with vitamins to ensure you and your family have everything you need to stay healthy. In this magical brew, you'll find more than just vitamins and minerals in its ingredients, which is know that everything in life is filled with energy that we can work with for our highest good. That's why this bone broth recipe is perfected for Mabong,

Samhain, and Yule feasts. Uh, yeah, how do you kitchen witchcraft? Put a bunch of melatonin in some Campbell's soup, but I don't know about you. Wondering how to turn any recipe into a spell? Just use CBD.

Every ingredient that goes into your recipes has energy and a purpose, just like in spell work. I guess calories are energy, so I guess that's true, sure. There's no science in this. And I mean, you know, you don't like put garlic in your cereal, right? There's a purpose for that. Maybe you don't. First, research and learn what magical properties each part of the spell recipe

has. Then, as you add each item into your recipe, state what each ingredient is for while visualizing the goal of what you're cooking. Salt. Taste. Flour. I'm making a muffin.

Butter. flour i'm making a muffin butter declare healthiness i declare an eclair i'm adding salt i've given up yeah ranch dressing and carrots i'm bored wait wait wait. This recipe calls for filtered water? That's going to take out all the fucking, the magical energies. Now you put it back in. You put it back in with the bones. You take out all the magical lead and rust. This magical recipe is for grounding, healing, and vitality.

So visualize that everyone who eats it is strong, healthy, and protected. Okay, so is it literally possible, Aurora, to make a bone broth recipe if I don't have an Instant Pot? Absolutely! What? Yeah, just because. Boy, maybe it is a science thing. To make bone broth in a traditional way,

you'll want to cover the bones and spices in eight quarts of water. Place a lid on your stock pot. This is just ingredient stuff. And let the ingredients simmer for 12 hours. Be sure to check on and top off your broth with fresh water to make sure the bones stay covered with water. Once it's done, season to taste with salt. You absolutely don't want to do that with the lid on. That's the wrong way to do that.

Well, I don't know. Is there any sort of pressure in an instant thought? Very much yes, and then very much no. So with that said, with that preamble, for the instant bone broth recipe for grounding, healing, and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera, I think that really leads us into Chang's Frito Fritters. Chang's Frito Fritters and Orange is the New Black Inspired Recipe. So, Dijon, let's just skip right past the preamble here.

And this is an appetizer. It's serving is 12 fritters. And yeah, how do I make Chang's Frito Fritters? Yeah, here's how to make this themed cuisine. Okay, so for the fritters, you're going to need one bag of Fritos. All right, got the dry. Now time for the wet. One cup of cooked peas.

Excuse me? Oh, no. Guys, we're not even 10 minutes in, okay? Oh, no. Excuse me? Okay, got it. Yep. All right.

All right. Time for the other wet. One cup, half cup of water. Interesting. Oh, yeah. Vegetable oil and an egg. Okay. What?

Okay. Making quite the Frito paste here. All right. For the sauce, you're going to need four tablespoons of hoisin. That's what makes it Asian. That's a lot.

It's basically just hoisin. There's also two scant tablespoons of sesame oil. Oh, what the fuck? That's just going to taste like sesame oil. No, no, no, no, no. That's not scant. You fill up the tablespoon with sesame oil, and then you go, no.

It's just the essence of two tablespoons of sesame oil. What? Why? I guess you pour it back in the bottle and then put the... I don't know. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah, it's like when you waft the vermouth over the ice cream. Two tablespoons, but not. Two tablespoons of mirin. Okay.

So it's going to be real sweet? No, it's not. It's going to taste like sesame oil, still. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. If that was like four liters of hoisin sauce, maybe that would be a sufficient amount to cover up the flavor of sesame oil. Someone's taking a big breath and is like,

ooh, I smell scant sesame oil. Yeah! No, no, my friend. Too much sesame oil. And two tablespoons of sambal alec. Okay. All right. All right.

Yeah. Pretty sweet. All right. You want the instructions? Yeah, absolutely. All right. Combine all in a bowl and stir. Yeah!

With intention. You want the instructions? All of it? Wait. That's for the sauce. Oh, okay. That's just for the sauce. All right.

Well, no, because this is now for the fritter sauce. Wait, what? These are the charters for the fritter sauce. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl. Stir. Refrigerate while cooking fritters. Okay. Okay.

And then how do we make the fritters? All right. It's for the fritters. This is important. Yep. Open the Fritos bag just a little to release the air. You have to let the Fritos breathe. Do I need to decant my Fritos bag just a little to release the air. You have to let the Fritos breathe. Do I need to decant my Fritos?

Yeah, you want scant Fritos smell. Essence of Fritos. Oh, DeFrito. Keep going, keep going. Yeah. Pour crumbs into a bowl and add a half cup of water. Ew. You want something that looks a little bit like dog food at this point.

That looks like vomit. Add a cup of cooked peas. Well, now it looks more like dog food. Yep. And mash it all together with your hands. Forward to patties. All right. Microwave on high for two minutes.

How about stupid? Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! Really? When you said fritters, I was like, there's no way you're going to put that in the microwave. That's fucking awesome. Au contraire.

You fool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. That's how they become fritters. Yeah. 12. You have to cook them through so you don't get salmonella you know it's an appetizer so they're small well they can't be they can't be that small because then you can just put you

can just do the next step which is place them in a non-stick skillet it says one bag of fritos like what if i just bought the big family bag one family bag of freedom that's that's the thing like the page that we're on right like on actually has some photos of the thing. And so somebody out there that posts on Geeks Who Eat was watching Orange is the New Black, saw some prison food being served, and was like, well, I need to cook that shit. I need more greed in my diet. Prison food? All right, let's do it. In another life, I worked in a prison very briefly, and I think think if someone made these even the prisoners would be like what the fuck is this

we're not eating that where'd you get a microwave uh kendrick sure uh i could use some money sure can't we all yeah do you think you could introduce me to a tea that will get me loaded, I guess. Sure, I can certainly try. This is the Moneymaker Spiced Mint Ice Tea Potion Recipe from Aurora Mooney. Yeah. Oh, boy. McGickle Potions just got a modern twist. Iced Potions. We've got a stunning Mint Moneymaker Ice Potion

that'll bring money your way. Whether you need a little bit of extra cash or you want to bring success to your business, this moneymaker ice potion will lower your temperature and increase your bank account. Ice potions are so lit in this witch's book of shadows. Wow, they're fire emoji, fire emoji 100. A lot of exclamation points here. Cool, refreshing, and McGickle, this undercover spiced mint tea will change your financial life. Undercover? What is an

ice potion? Glad you asked. An ice potion is a fun new way to brew and drink McGickle potions, elixirs, and tonics. Plentiful Earth likes to make our McGickle lives fun, and this is a great way to make the mundane McGickle and the McGickle extra McGickle.

I also have not described how to make it iced. Nope, sure haven't. Yeah, but how do you ice it? Well, I'm glad you asked. So, okay, so witches have existed for thousands and thousands of years, and they only recently

within the last five years discovered ice? Yes. Well, you know what happened is their money ran out. So they helped. Oh, I see. I will also suggest that you guys click that and look at it. That does not seem like a good tea. No, no, no, no, no.

And so with that, we're going to be going over to the Geeky Chef recipes inspired by movies, books, music, television, and video games. And this is Romulan Ale. Okay, so my only sentence of my preamble

is gonna be, you guys know I have a cookbook coming out soon, right? Good. That's all. Anyway, okay, so here's how to make Romulan Ale. This is a thing that you drink. Okay, So here's how to make Romulan ale. This is a thing that you drink. Okay. First of all, an ounce of blue Curacao.

Okay. Then rum, specifically 150 proof rum. Oh, God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So now that you got those two things, you're going to need an ounce of cream de cacao blue cream soda to taste. That has to be a missing return, character return there.

It has to be. Malt of no way. Cream de cacao blue cream soda. Why can't I find this when I search for it? It's weird. It can't be. It has to be two two-in-one. Someone just absolutely

ripped out of their mind at the alcohol company. I know, I got an idea. I need a whole shitload of blue. Okay, yep. So assuming that a line break was supposed to be there, cream de cacao and then Cream soda So then you're gonna need some bitters

So specifically Three to five drops of Orange or chocolate bitters They're the same thing So this tastes like a drinkable chocolate orange I guess It's not appealing You have to smack it on the table really hard

before you drink it. Well, it's not for humans. It's for Romulans. So you have to remember, they love awful tasting things. I like the comment on this one that says, I enjoyed it a lot because it is very helpful for all the readers.

Thank you so much to share a wonderful post. I bookmarked this post for my writing. I will share this post. Best essay writing service. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I feel like you shouldn't make it quite that obvious. I had Romulan Ale at the Star Trek Experience in Las Vegas, and it was made by Sarah Nevada. Yeah, that makes sense.

That makes a That makes sense. That makes, that makes a lot of like, like you can just like blue food coloring exists. Yeah. So, so I get, I get wanting to use blue Curacao and then you go like, Oh,

that's not as blue as I thought it would be. So either put food coloring in there or stop. Cut it out. Yeah. Either go all the way or don't go any of the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. So let's go back to the McGickical recipes because we have more preambles here.

I believe that everything here is from Aurora Mooney. So let's go. I think Jack, if you'll take this one, please. Yeah. This is the Vegetarian Pot Pie for Beauty, Grounding, and Protection. Beautiful. You got a face like a crust there. How can food be magical?

Can you put a spell on food? Absolutely. Magic is all about intention manifestation. Ingredients all have vibrations that lend themselves to specific intentions. So by adding specific ingredients and visualizing your intention, is the art of empowering each ingredient's energy to work towards a specific goal. This vegetable pot pie includes ingredients that are good for beauty spells, love spells, romance spells, grounding spells, protection spells, and growth spells. Hey, I'm just wondering, and this is not suspicious or anything. Do you have a keyword list you're trying to jam vegetarian pot pie are you keyword jamming baby wow vegetarian pot pie for serp and seo purposes

how dare you i cannot believe that you would suggest that i created this website with that intention so many ingredients manifesting it by perhaps stuffing a whole bunch of keywords in my you act like this is connected to a shop full of absolutely random vegetarian vegetarian pot pie for long tail seo purposes for long tail SEO purposes. Boy, I bet you think they're trying to sell jasmine flowers for $86.95.

Cheapest prices, lowest prices. One pound of clothes for $52, sir? Does that sound like maybe an SEO scam to you? If not, read on. Guess you don't know.

How do I use food as a spell? Each ingredient below has its magical properties listed next to it. Apparently, I don't spell it McGickle anymore. As you prepare them and add them to your recipe, pick one of its attributes and visualize how it plays a role in your overall goal. For example, if you are making this pot pie to ground crazy energies after a fight, start by- What? What? What?

What are you talking about? Yeah, you know, all those times that you get in a fight and you're like, this energy is too crazy. I need to make a pot pie. All those- Am I a Final Fantasy character? Yeah. I got to go to a cut scene. I'll be right back.

I don't know about a Final Fantasy character, Lemon, but you're definitely a cartoon character. I don't know. We argued about the debt and the credit cards, and then she just started making a pie. I got crazy energy now! Start by seeing everyone who eats the pot pie as being relaxed and grounded. As you dice the carrots, state that the carrots are for grounding, and visualize everyone who eats the pot pie as being relaxed and grounded. These carrots are grounded. Ground everyone.

You're not going to see your friends this weekend, carrots. Never mind that the time passing will let everyone chill out after the ridiculous fight after. This is stupid. Yeah, you don't really know how long it takes to take a pot to make a pie? Sorry, I forgot to lend credence to the pie having energy powers. Well, I mean, what happens if you make the pie and then you get crazy?

Then you can throw the pie. As you chop the onion, state that it's for banishing negativity. Visualize everybody who eats the pie as being filled with positive energy do this for each ingredient pray that they don't have diarrhea dom your family with pie as i add this dry time i add add this for beauty, happiness, strength, and protection. Yeah, no, she mentions carrots are for fertility, grounding, and romance.

This store-bought crust is for convenience and... You know, actually, so Jack Check, real quick, I know that we were trying to not read the recipes from the Sorcery Banquet. But, you know, seeing as how it is sort of like on point, I wanted to ask you. Yeah. Right before we hit record, you found a recipe for sweet smoked bacon and green bean casserole. Yeah. Sounds great. Sounds great.

Apparently, it just has three ingredients. It does. It's really simple to make. Um, you are going to have to fire up your smoker for this because you are going to need to smoke the bacon. I have to smoke my own bacon. You have to smoke your own bacon. Right.

Correct. And you have to smoke that bacon with intention. Right. Um, yeah, but so the ingredients, so there's the bacon, right?

And we, we, we need, we only need 12 ounces of bacon diced. Okay. Then there's three 14 and a half ounce cans of cut green beans. Cans? That's a lot of cans.

I could just buy the green beans. No, you have to use the canned green beans. You have to make your own bacon, but you can't cut your own green beans. Yeah, wait a minute. Yeah, I smoke my own bacon, but I buy canned green beans. Yeah, right. This is a weird grocery store. You're not a farmer.

And then for maximum McGickle energy, you're going to want to add a cup of creamy French dressing. Magic. And that's it. So what you're going to do, Lemon're gonna do lemon right you're gonna combine these ingredients together into a casserole dish and then you're gonna put the casserole into the smoker and smoke your casserole this is such a wet dish a casserole isn't gonna like cook off any of that liquid do you think you think she leans over and goes like can you can you smell

the the french dressing in there oh my god you know what the secret ingredient is intention i intend to put this in the garbage so so so i didn't read the instructions before but i discovered that the one cup of creamy French dressing may not be enough. You're actually supposed to pour the French dressing over the top until halfway up the sides. Oh, my gosh. Okay. Well, anyway, so see how we are sort of in the baked goods kind of section. That's perfect, because now I'm going to go to thegluttonousgeek.com, indulge your fandom.

There's a whole bunch of preamble. We're going to skip past all that. But Dijon. Yeah. Okay. So I'm not going to. You tell me what your meal is called. I think you need to tell him.

All right. All right. Dijon, will you please teach us all, all of us together in this podcast, how to make Deadpool's sweet and salty chorizo chimichangas. And the dirty ring pop martini, obviously, right? You want that too? Yeah, you're going to have to have the dirty ring pop martini. I said all of that without dry heaving. Yeah, you did.

I'm very proud of you. Perfect pairing. Yeah, you want the preamble very proud of you. It's a perfect pairing. Yeah, you want the preamble or just the recipe? No, no, I just need the recipe, please. Oh, you don't want to hear my good jokes? I've got great jokes. If you have any, sure, but let's assume that you don't. Go fine.

What will you do with leftover pineapple juice and olive juice, you may ask? You got booze, don't you? Make a pina colada. Or even the following cocktail that Deadpool inspired my husband to make, the Dirty Ring Pub Martini. Which is, it's a martini.

Well, I mean, so it's, well, it's a vodka martini. Yeah. And it's got two parts vodka and half a part martini ros Yeah. And it's got two parts vodka and half a part martini rosso. I don't know what that is. Do I not understand what a dirty ring pop is? It feels like it's a Deadpool joke.

Not that I don't trust this doc, but I'm going to open up an incognito tab and write the dirty ring pop. Fair enough. Yeah, no, just because you're saying it's just a martini. I don't think you're right about that. you'll just go through the the four ingredients here oh but it has all

the normal it has you know the two parts of vodka half part martini rosso just put a red martini in there um a half part of olive juice uh and you know that the half the half part of grenadine that's so fucking gross what? oh my god yeah you know olives and grenadine sweet sweet olives olive vermouth and grenadine

it's gonna go really well with your trees of chimichangas wow wow okay awesome so that's the starter chorizo chimichangas. Oh. Wow. Wow. Okay, awesome. So that's the starter. I'm just going to set that to the side. Maybe I'll drink that later.

Yeah, I understand you don't want to drink all of it. Oh, I'm on my fourth chimichanga. Why do I feel awful? Yeah, and here's my serving four. Deadpool's sweet and salty chorizo chimichangas. Of course you're going to need one and a half pounds of pork chorizo, one sweet onion, okay, two 15-ounce cans of dark red kidney beans, a 15-ounce can of pinto beans. We're up to over a pound of beans. A lot of beans. You really want to fart.

You really, really need to fart. Okay, got it. Nearly three pounds of beans. Can I use my own, like, you know, I have beans just in that house. Can I just reconstitute those? Absolutely not. No. Okay.

That's so... Salt. Salt, Cuban. 20-ounce can of pineapple tidbits. salt salt cuban 20 ounce can of pineapple tidbits what what the fuck is a pineapple tidbit

beans and pineapple sounds good so far thought the other one was prison food. Oh. 2.25 ounce can of sliced black olives. Might as well not be to bother. Wait. It's still gonna be lost in the sea of beans. Pineapple.

Use the scent of olives. No, because the olive juice is part of the cocktail. Right, right, right. Because they're using black olive juice. Go on. Four tortillas. Lots of cooking oil.

Okay, but you have a pound and a half of chorizo. I don't think you're lacking for oil here. It's like a six pound recipe. In a traditional recipe, you have the oil higher. This would be adding the oil to the tortilla. Yeah, that's the problem, Lou. That's the issue. Lots of oil.

It was in the wrong spot. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. So this was three pounds of beans, a pound and a half of chorizo, plus other shit, and this makes four servings?

I'm hungry, man. What else? To make it healthy, a half a head of lettuce, shredded. Appreciate that. It's just a half a head, though. Let's not go crazy. And to make it unhealthy, get a jar of queso dip. Oh.

It's a pot of vegetable oil. No, it's just a bed of shredded lettuce. You don't have to eat it. Okay, good. Good. Yeah, it says that halfway through the instructions, you're supposed to make yourself a pina colada, I guess, in general, like unrelated to this. Make yourself a pina colada and then make yourself a dirty ring pop martini immediately after that. Drink both of them.

Drain a can of olives into the cocktail shaker. Fuck. Not just half part olive juice the entire can yeah great great uh lou i uh you know i i think that like uh i know that we're a little bit out you know we're a couple years removed now from peak covid but like i'm still in a bread makingmaking kind of mood. Can we make some bread now? Well, of course, bread is the staple we all need to have. This is my Llama's Bread Recipe.

White sandwich bread for bread machine. Again, I am Aurora Moons. It's Llama's Loaf Time. Hell yeah. Witches, you know what we're talking about. Yo, it's Llama's Loaf Time. Hell yeah. Witches, you know what we're talking about. Yo, it's Llama's Loaf Time, witches!

Warm, soft, fresh from the oven and filled with magical harvests of llamas or lugnadas. I don't know what that word is. Sure. Homemade bread is one of the best ways to celebrate the turning of the wheel. Now, with modern technology, we can make this delicious llama's recipe in under two hours. No more slaving over the warm hearth here. And if you're wondering, is it still witchcraft if we don't make the llama's bread by hand? Of course it is.

Good. Phew, phew, phew. I was worried about being, alerting the authorities. Yeah, out of compliance. The industrial revolution doesn't have to leave witches behind. Of course it is. As you're adding your ingredients to your bread maker, visualize your intent and charge the ingredients. charge the ingredients.

Each time you pass the bread maker or smell the bread breaking, visualize your goal happening right before your eyes. I hope it turns into bread. It's been 30 minutes. Time to go wave my hands at the bread maker again. Don't forget to be bread. Alright, I did my job.

Crap tinder rolls. This isn't correct at all. Don't forget to be bred. All right, I did my job. Crap, Jitter, Rolls, this isn't correct at all. Oh, no. Much like with anything in modern times, intention is everything, and adaptability is key. Just check out the Modern Witches Toolkit. It's so good, we promise you'll literally ask yourself, what is this witchcraft yourself what is this witchcraft what is this witchcraft it's this bread what is this witchcraft what i told you i told you it was

bread what is lemon stop asking me no it's bread yeah what. Yes, what is it, Jeff? What are the magical properties of bread machine yeast? Oh, that's a great question that I can definitely answer because I certainly haven't closed this window. So no problem. I'm about to tell you. Yeah, one tablespoon of bread machine yeast has the magical properties of awakening, epiphany, and optimism. That's right. You're so in touch with your bread yeast. Milk powder?

Yeah, regular yeast doesn't have epiphany. No, God, no. Just the yeast in the air is full of horrible, nightmarish properties. By my seventh or eighth beer, I usually get a lot of epiphanies. Like, buy, like, my seventh or eighth beer. I usually get a lot of epiphanies. Okay. So with that said, I'm going to tell you about easy Cthulhu pot pies.

What? Yeah. Everyone's laughing. That's great. That's what that sound is. What? You like this? You like me? What website is this from?

Oh, you're on the Kitchen Overlord. The Elder Gods, known for their pot pies. Kitchen Overlord, your home for geeky cookbooks and recipes. We've got in the header, we've got, there's a Dune cookbook. There's an entire Cthulhu cookbook. There's Dinner with the Doctor. There's Alien, the official cookbook.

Oh my god, I went down a rabbit hole. Yeah, and also there's it's a oh, boy. Oh, the more I learn about this book, the more I like it. Okay, great. It's a cocktail book. It's a cocktail book, and it's

called Steam Drunks. Wow, that's a cocktail book. It's a cocktail book and it's called Steam Drunks. Wow. That's the sound of laughter. That's how what I'm hearing. Yeah. Okay, great. So, okay, here we go. So this is to make the Cthulhu pot pies, the easy Cthulhu pot pies.

Okay. So first of all, two tubes of refrigerated biscuits. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's because we don't care about that part. We really care about what goes inside.

So we're not paying a lot of attention to the biscuits. It's the filling that counts. Right? Okay. Okay. So one cup of frozen mixed vegetables. Who gives a fuck? Okay.

I like to stir fry vegetables myself. Whatever. I don't. I literally couldn't care. Okay. What else? Water vegetables myself. Whatever. I literally couldn't care. Okay. What else do you got? Water, chestnuts, whatever. Okay.

Then you're going to get a can of chicken. Come on. I mean, lemon, that's not descriptive enough. How big is the can? Fine. It's a large can of chunk chicken, but you do have to drain it. Sorry about that. Then you're going to get some cream of chicken soup, whole can of that.

Okay. Then you're going to get third a cup of whole milk. Okay. Huh. Well, okay. So you're wondering, like, ah, I'm absolutely drowning in your mush. I've got some flavor. A teaspoon of pepper.

Oh, my God. Oh, that's way too spicy for me. You're definitely going to taste that. That's really going to come through. You're going to basically take some black pepper and then put a large blanket over it. At least that's the craziest shit that's in this. Yeah, okay, so then three tablespoons of melted butter, an egg, obviously. That's a lot of wet ingredients.

Oh, well, the next thing isn't a wet ingredient. Then you're going to have some dried cherry slug. Oh, God. Just when I thought we were out, they pull us back in. It's probably a disgusting amount, like 13 or 14 dried cherries. No, just 12.

I was wrong. I'm sorry. You think so little of me. Okay, so in order to make this, you're going to mix it together, then you simmer it, then you brush the remaining melted butter over the cupcake tins, right? Spoon in the filling, just shove it in there, and then you're going to cut the remaining mashed biscuits into tentacle-like strips. Okay. You're going to arrange two cherries on each pot pie for your demon lord's eyes. Okay.

God, that's the sound of laughter. Okay, great. And then you're going to arrange four to six long, narrow strips of dough so they dangle from where the horrible apparition's mouth should be. Make sure they stretch a little past the edge of each cupcake mold. So those are going to burn. Okay. Okay. Okay. You're gonna serve that. You know, you wanna know

what to serve this with, right? Oh, yeah, no. What's the line? Oh, God. This fucking mush. Uh-huh. Yeah, so you're gonna serve it with alphabet soup and absinthe. Okay. Great. I don't know. I prefer Shibnagarath's hot dish.

The goat with 1,000 young to feed, you know what I mean? Maybe not everybody should have the internet. Yeah. Yeah. Great dreamer pot pie. Okay. Yeah. Great dreamer pot pie.

Okay. So I want to skip. I want to jump back here into the first document here because we have the second section. Second section put together here by Smallest Sasquatch. And it's called KitchenWitchyHow.com. WitchyHow. So before we get any further into this, Kendrick, I need you to teach me and then the rest of us. I need you to teach us all about the magical, the magical correspondences of butter. Sure.

This is the butter materia magica. Who doesn't love butter? It makes moon cookies flaky. It's delicious in butter coffee and basically vegetarian bacon. You know. Fine. Whatever. Popularized by bulletproof.

I just like, I just like frying up a stick of butter for breakfast. Paula Deen. Yeah. And the internet. Butter holds a beautiful place in the world of McGick. Yeah, no,

that's fair. Nobody really liked butter before Paula Deen. Well, and butter and bulletproof, obviously. Oh, I mean, sure.

And the internet. My, my two favorite lifestyle brands. While eating too much can cause heart diseases, it can cause an opening of the heart when used in spells. Wondering how? Here's our list of magical correspondences and magical properties of butter. This is part of our own Materium Magica. Consider this entry part of the pantry of magical household items.

Ah, boy, there's a lot of mag sound. Which is like Latin. That's awesome. So what's the gender of butter? Feminine. Of course. This cannot be debated. Super fair.

Super fair. What elements rule butter? That'd be the water and the earth. And the planets. What are the planets? And remember the word that I just used, right? What are the planets that rule butter? Obviously, it's the moon.

Okay. See me after class. I'm from the planet moon. The signs that rule butter? Cancer. Cool. Yeah, that makes sense. The deities that rule butter? Something called E whoop whoop yeah that makes sense uh the deities that rule butter

something called ea ea and the agricultural gods and goddesses just in general all of them you know butter is totally pay to play yep butter works with your heart chakra obviously obviously. Sure, clogs it. And it has its own magical properties. It smooths and soothes the energies in relationships. It increases your tenacity, makes change easier, increases spirituality and connections to deities on the physical plane adds a nurturing, smooth quality to spells. Does it make them glossy? It's just a magical lubricant.

Well, you say that. It can be an easy kitchen witch go-to spell. Simply roll butter in herbs and empower it. It magically stops muffins from sticking to things. But not if you're a man, feminine only. Yeah. I'm a man who uses butter. Get out.

So, Jack, I'm going to give this one back to you here, but you're going to read a recipe, and I just would love you to do me a favor and just don't tell me the name of the recipe, please. Yeah, that sounds fine. Remember, remember the magical correspondences. Right. do me a favor and just don't tell me the name of the recipe please till the very end that's that sounds fine remember remember the magical correspondences right there's some butter in here i have a butter in here uh yeah so uh this is from uh an anime uh and it's from digimon adventure 2 the dubbed version oh good sure right none of absolutely do not get the sub diversion or it won't work sure and then the serving size for this is a lot depending on how large you make them nice we're on tumblr by the way this thing has a lot of rewards is the champion yeah uh okay so here's the here are the ingredients. Ingredient number one.

Oil. Both first just to cover a pan and second to deep fry in. Sure. Okay. So fry and then fry. Okay, got it. One cup short grain rice. Okay. Around four cups of stock.

Could be more or less. Okay. It literally doesn't matter. It doesn't. It could be anything? Like vegetable stock or beef stock or anything? Yeah, just stock. Could be more or less. It literally doesn't matter? It doesn't... It could be anything? Like vegetable stock or beef stock or anything? Yeah, just stock. Okay, alright. Sure. My bone broth? Yeah, I think

bone broth would work. As long as it's got intention, yes. Yeah, I mean, obviously. Two tablespoons of butter. That's to add a feminine quality. Two tablespoons of flour. One cup of butter. That's to add a feminine quality. Two tablespoons of flour. One cup of milk. Salt.

Pepper. Sure. So what do you, the listener, think we're making right now? Leave a comment below. Pause the podcast. An egg. Breadcrumbs. And of course, one cup of chocolate.

breadcrumbs. And of course, one cup of chocolate. Oh, thank God. The rabies got him. What is this recipe called? Oh, yeah. This is for the chocolate onigiri. So there's like step-by-step instructions in the Tumblr. So like, first you try to make a bechamel but don't then you like then you miss cook rice yeah oh the images of this

oh they're pretty dire now is this something a Digimon would eat? Do they eat you? I don't know enough about Digimon because I dislike it a great deal. There's no way someone ate this. Yeah, so you basically have this schlop, and then you roll around a rice bowl in the schlop. And then you cover it in chocolate. No, first you roll it around in the schlop, then you deep fry it, then you cover it in chocolate. It's more like an arancini, I guess,

but even then, it's just gloop. It's just pictures of gloop. Chocolate-covered gloop balls. Different sludges. Digimon-like. Oh my gosh oh yeah this is this is taken from an arancini recipe oh it's definitely not a rice ball a lot of people reblogged this this. Oh, God. Oh, God. Are there any Beyblade recipes? Because that's what I'm interested in. Someone added, rice balls are simple and delicious.

Rice with chocolate sounds heavenly to me for some reason. Because I have a head injury. Oh, my gosh. All right. So here we, let's, let's go back to the other one. I know that we keep getting disgusted. I'm sure that we'll stop going to stop being disgusted if we just keep switching documents. Yeah.

Yeah. That seems like a reasonable. Absolutely. Lou, tell me about the luscious full moon golden milk. Well, you know how much I love golden and milk together. Mmm. Luscious full moon golden milk well you know how much i love golden and milk together mmm luscious full moon golden milk recipe oh your your milk is yellow i'd like to drink it please i thought that was an ai photo but i think someone actually went through the work of this cow got into an onion patch. Wow. Warm, smooth,

creamy, light, sweet, and perfectly silky, this luscious full moon golden milk. Why is golden the I don't like where the word golden is in the list. It is milk. Full moon golden milk recipe is perfect

for sipping during a full moon. The white milk pairs well with the beautiful goddess in the sky for some reason. I thought the milk was golden. Well, the white milk. You'll see. It's the turmeric. The turmeric reminds us

that light always provides power for some reason. Beauty and hope! Herbs and spices give this warm milk an earthbound kick. Reminiscent of walking barefoot in the grass. TLDR. If that

was too long for you to read. Golden milk is delicious and will help you experience the cosmic and earthly realms in each sip. Also, it's really good for your body, mind, and soul. What is golden milk? Golden milk is a delicious type of mystical. I don't think you answered the question.

Well, so? What is golden milk? It's mystical. It's a delicious mystical, I don't know. It's certainly not silt-to-chakar. Ayurvedic. Ayurvedic? All right.

I think so. Medicine that hails from India. Known as warming milk, the health benefits of golden, creamy turmeric tea seem endless. The health benefits of golden creamy turmeric tea seem endless. Packed with ground turmeric, ginger, coconut oil, maple syrup, and soothing milk, golden milk helps reduce inflammation, prevent cell death, boost the immune system, and more milk! Milk, milk, milk, milk, milk, milk milk milk milk milk milk milk milk

milk milk milk milk is it safe to drink golden milk every day absolutely however you should

always talk to your doctor or medical provider before taking any new supplements or herbs as they could interact with

any pre-existing medical conditions or medications hey doc is it okay if I start drinking a lot more milk? No! No!

It's herbal. It's like, don't have any turmeric, does it? Because. Yeah. Yeah. Basically, it's just milk with turmeric in it. That's it. Can I use other milks instead of cow's milk?

Absolutely. Whatever your diet calls for can be used to make this milk. Simply swap out the cow's milk for the same. Milk is so strong it faults out your microphone. For the same amount of your favorite milk. Of your favorite milk. You know, I really don't feel like it's okay to be so reductionist about this just being milk with turmeric in it because it also has coconut milk. Yeah, don't reduce your milk. It does.

It seems thick. That will make a nice, delicious fill month. There's all kinds of delicious stuff in this. This sounds delicious, especially if you like milk. Hey, this yellow milk is separated with a layer of oil on top. That's great. I want to drink it. Give people this yellow glass of liquid and tell them it's milk.

Okay, so that's great. I have another recipe for you. Yeah, we're on the Gluttonous Geek again. I don't need to tell you what it is. I don't need to tell you what it is, but I do need to tell you that you need some ingredients to make this. You're going to need a slap shop. Oh, specifically. Good start.

Yeah. Okay, so you're about to make some streusel, right? Yeah. Yeah. Of course I am. Yeah, you're about to make some streusel, right? Cool. Yeah. Yeah. So. Of course I am. Yeah.

You're about to make some streusel. So you're going to get some hazelnuts, some granulated sugar, some brown sugar. You on board? Sure. Cool. Also crushed Doritos. Which kind? What?

Okay. He doesn't say. So you can choose. You can use the taco flavor if you like I want to use the triangular ones Okay, that's okay You could also use If you want to

You could use the Doritos 3D Yeah, the 3D That's what I meant Yeah Okay, so yeah The Doritos And then some flour And then some cinnamon nutmeg

And a stick of unsalted butter, obviously What, you don't want any salt in there. Still feminine. So that's the streusel. And then some pie and filling ingredients. Jack Chick, you're going to like this. You got three gala apples. God fucking damn it. Why?

Why? Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. You're going to mix those three gala apples with two Granny Smith apples. No, you are fucking not. You are absolutely not going to cross those apple streams. How many apples mentioned? And then one golden delicious apple.

What? Throw in a honey crisp while you're at it. Why not? Yeah, just ruin a fucking honey crisp. Perfect. Yeah, so. I didn't know we were back on the apple snob. That's the exact apple mix you're going to need.

Now you're going to need some lemon juice, some bourbon. You're going to need two tablespoons of pie. What? What? What? What is that? Yeah. What is pie?

Pie. Pie a la Dragon Con. Oh, okay. Try it on track. Yo, dog, I heard you like pie. Oh, pie is apparently a drink made with apple juice and Everclear. Oh, gosh. Why do we have any other ingredients?

Everclear got a 164-ounce bottle of apple juice, 12 ounces of Everclear, mulling spices or apple pumpkin spices, rum extract, one tablespoon of rum extract. You can sub out six ounces of Everclear for butterscotch snobs. Oh, God. Same thing. Same thing. I like the note that they have on this.

This is handwritten in a picture. Allow to mellow for a minimum of eight hours after you place in the fridge. Before drinking, shake daily and prior to drinking. So you need to make a 64-ounce batch of this drink so that you can have. You should get two tablespoons. I know. Apparently you boil it to distill it it down anyway okay so uh yeah so put that put that in your pie filling stick that in your pie surprise oh boy okay then you're gonna need some some some

more sugar some cinnamon some nutmeg some cornstarch as for the pie filling you're gonna need a refrigerated pie crust to put in there. Make your own streusel, but you aren't making the pie crust. It's not crazy. That's some unsalted butter. That's all! It's a pie! It's a fucking pie!

Mmm. That was called the Captain America Apple and Dorito pie. Gosh. Yay. Tell the world what kind of person you are, as though they don't already fucking know. Okay, so we learned about the McGickle correspondences of... Well, actually, you know, I think, i think dijon i'd ask you the question

would you like to teach us about the magical properties of bananas the magical properties of turkey or the magical properties of herbs de provence oh well i definitely already know about the magical properties of bananas i'm well versed with bananas do not ask me about bananas yeah yeah i am unfortunately i have not done a whole lot of like uh spirit work with turkeys yet anytime i try to give them reiki they peck me yeah sorry to hear that that's that's that's terrible all right well great then uh let's let's learn about the magical correspondences of turkey so turkey is amazingly delicious and just like uh no that's what everybody knows about turkey that's why we eat it once a year brown mustard is delicious turkey is the thing that

my brown mustard it's on it is a vessel for other stuff. Thank you. Yeah, I know. Turkey is absolutely everybody's favorite poultry. That's why everyone eats it all the time. Yeah. That's why I go, is that turkey bacon? Oh, good. Sorry. I'm sorry. Your mustard is flavorful, but does it vibrate at a frequency that we can use in magick? Because turkey

does. Keep in mind that this article is written for kitchen magick. All correspondences are meant for culinary enchantments, not sacrifices. Fine. That away.

You know, I wasn't thinking it was about sacrifices, and now I kind of am. Don't think about sacrifice while cooking your turkey. You'll kill your guests. You'll fill it with sacrificial energy. I'm just setting the intention for the evening, sacrificing you all

to my turkey. What a switcheroo this Thanksgiving was. So, enchant your turkey as it bakes, or empower your turkey sandwich with less of the kick flow. Crackling energy flows around

the sandwich. As with all spell ingredients, especially living ingredients, we recommend thanking the turkey for its nourishment and energy.

Thank you. Thank you. Can you please pass the mashed potatoes? I'm a sandwich. Here's our list of the magical properties

of turkey. All right. First magical property is the Latin name, Melia Greece. Okay. Gender is male, obviously. Tom turkey, sure, of course. Right.

Here's the thing that we know about turkey and just all poultry is that it's definitely always male. Like, every time you eat a chicken or a turkey, you can know that it's male. It's correct. Every time you eat a chicken or a turkey, you can know that it's male. Hand me that male chicken breast, I will say. The elements that rule turkey are air and fire.

Why fire? You gotta cook it. You know, turkeys can fly and they are dragons. Yep, he's got you there. The planets that rule Turkey are Mercury and Pluto. Quite a distance, actually. Yeah. Weird choices.

Turkey works in extremes well that makes sense because the signs that rule turkey is libra the deities that rule turkey are ceres and demeter okay so so it's greek then turkey is greek they would love to hear that yeah they would love to hear that turkey not at all controversial you guys are greek what am i doing in the back of this van where are we going hey do you guys like magic my gig i'm gonna need some butter, some Doritos, and three pounds of beans. In Turkey, all the butter is male.

What do you think about that? The chakras that work with Turkey are the heart chakra and the solar plexus chakra, which I think combined makes the heartburn chakra. And turkey's magical properties are ancestry work, increased blessings, increased generosity, inspires harmony, increases motivation, and reinforced traditions. Thank you, turkey, for nourishing me in my times of hunger. Coming down to the end of both of these documents, I have a game we're about to play. But before we get to our game, I think, Kendrick, I'm going to give you a choice.

And you get to choose from a couple different sections here. So from the appetizer section, you can read about egg sandwiches with jam. Sure. Okay. From the beverages section, there is a unicorn milkshakes. Sure. And then from the dessert section is Babu Frick's droid parts.

Boy, all of these are a lot of text. I did not give you the option of dung pie no no i saw that one um okay i think we'll go with uh boy there's a lot of text in unicorn milkshakes yeah wow um yeah you know we'll go with unicorn milkshakes all right all right so uh we're gonna do with unicorn milkshakes. All right, all right. So we're going to do the unicorn milkshakes. We don't need all of that preamble, but there sure are a lot of photos. You can kind of imagine what they look like. That is diabetic. Whoa. Holy shit.

Nice. So, yeah, I guess let's uh scroll down to the actual recipe itself there you have it these are kid tested sugar hero approved i hope you'll hop on the unicorn train with me here's what y'all need 10 ounces of strawberry coconut ice cream Five large scoops. Oh, fuck. One cup of strawberries, fresh or frozen. A half cup of International Delight creamer. You can substitute milk. What? What?

That made it. Hey! Hey, it's 120! 120! Copper creamer? I guess it is sweeter. To be fair, that is sweeter than milk. Oh, boy.

Can you just use sweetened condensed milk? That would just be even more likely to just kind of destroy me. Or just like a Vietnamese coffee, like an entire one. Half a cup of fruity miniature marshmallows. Jesus. Can you just buy those? A quarter cup of vanilla frosting. Fuck!

Yum. Wow. Half cup of assorted sprinkles. Why skimp? Whipped cream. Hmm. Decorative toppings like lollipops, rock candy, wafer cookies. Oh, there's a lot of stuff on here.

Sour strips. Oh, boy. This is wine mom has kids. Gravel. First, you're going to combine all that shit. This is definitely wine aunt because this kid's about to be sent home with mom. Well,

it's not. Yeah, that's, that's true. And then wine aunt goes to, goes to bread. It's not even regular delight creamer. It's white chocolate macadamia international delight creamer.

So, uh, I gave Ashton a little bit of a treat because he was so good today. He really did love it. The kid's in the back of the car vibrating. He's like, eee. Got his shirt over his head like Cornholio. Reminds me of a little goblin kid in my neighborhood.

Keeps stealing everybody's iced teas. Oh, man. Okay, so you're going to combine the ice cream, strawberries, and white chocolate international delight creamer. How could I possibly put all these things together? Blend until smooth and creamy. Snip the miniature marshmallows in half. What? Why? Cut half of one marshmallow to the inside of a 10-ounce glass. and creamy. Snip the miniature marshmallows in half. Press the cut half of one marshmallow to the inside

of a 10-ounce glass so firmly... Oh, because nobody who would drink this has any teeth left. I got it. Continue to add the marshmallow polka dots inside the glass. Repeat with a second cup until they're both decorated. I could not figure out what that was.

Yeah, I thought that was... In this photo, I just thought that was. I didn't. Yeah, I thought that was just in this photo. I just thought that was a, I didn't know that was a glass you could see into. I thought it was the pattern painted on the outside. I genuinely. Now it just looks like an alien. Now that I know what it looks like, it looks

like an alien disease on the inside of the glass. Yeah. Spread a thin layer of vanilla frosting around the rim top of each cup. Roll the frosting and sprinkles until it is entirely covered. This is genuinely like two inches of just sprinkles. It looks like a placenta of a killer clown from a kid's eyes.

Yes. It is like a child has vomited from the Skittles mines. Okay. Applying the marshmallows on the inside of this glass. This is a huge cup, like a wide mouth glass. You get your hand into it to apply these marshmallows individually. Making this drink takes at least 15 minutes. Wow.

There's no way. And you have to lick those marshmallows to make them stick. I'm sorry. Gross. There's a lot. That is, there's not a lot that turns my stomach. And just the thought of this is,

hold on. Andy's adding the marshmallows. I got to snip each marshmallow individually. One by one. Okay. So the last thing that Neil has here, once again, Neil gave us the sorcery banquet and Smallest Sasquatch gave us the Millennials Couldn't Learn a Couple of Fandom Recipes. I think I got that wrong at one point in the podcast.

But the last section here is called Do Not Season Beelzebub. So F+, Neil wants to say, here's the trick. The premise of the magical recipes on plentiful earth is that every ingredient imaginable has magical properties, and casting a spell via cooking is just a matter of combining the ingredients and you have the arcane qualities you want. Therefore, you can hack your own spells in the kitchen if you know what ingredients do what. So Neil says that every single recipe on the site includes the magical qualities of each ingredient. So Neil says that every single recipe on the site includes the magical qualities of each ingredient. And so I'm going to tell you an ingredient, and I need you to tell me the magical properties.

Does that sound good? Mm-hmm. Great. All right. So Dijon. Yes. We already learned about carrots, so I'm not going to give you that. We already learned about butter, obvious.

But carrots is on there twice. Yeah, there is. Carrots is on there twice, and it's completely different lists. Both times. What? Absolutely. So what are the magical properties of baking soda? Baking soda. There are three.

I will take one. All right. I'm going to give you growth. No, I'm sorry. The purification, cleansing, cleansing and banishing. Obviously cleansing. It purification cleansing. What? Cleansing and banishing. Obviously cleansing. It's right there. What? Come on. Come on. Come on. That's true.

That's the reason you put baking soda in your muffins is so they aren't filthy. Yes. Harlot! Alright. Kendrick, I need the magical properties of dried time. Not fresh time.

Dried time. Yeah. Dried time. Longevity. Longevity is a very good guess. No, I'm sorry. Beauty, happiness, strength, and protection. Huh.

Beauty. Yeah, beauty. Absolutely. Jack Chick, what are the properties of frozen peas? Oh, yeah. I always use frozen peas for strength. Strength? No, you're wrong.

You're wrong. You use frozen peas for self-awareness. And fritters. And prosperity. Frozen green beans will also give you prosperity, but in addition to that, they'll give you psychic ability. Eating that casserole from earlier and having one of those flashbacks of Midsommar Raven. Eyes roll in the back of my head. I thought the frozen peas were good for covering up a black eye after you got mouthy.

Your eyes go pitch white like a mint tat. Covering up a black guy after you got mouthache. Like a mint tat. So I use a lot of salt in my cooking and I'm really not sure what intentions I should throw behind it. Oh, well, that depends. Are you? So are you using? There's a couple of categories, right? So you're saying salt.

When you're saying salt, do you mean salt or salt, parentheses, kosher, or salt, parentheses, kosher? Because there's different. Secular, orthodox. For all three. I'm going to go with salt parentheses kosher gotcha well depending on which one it was either just told you or cleansing oh my god okay and then hey lou what's uh, what's the magical properties of white sugar? It's not diabetes. It is happiness. You know, no, no, no.

You know, it's sometimes, you know, it's a little bit magic is hard, right? And so, like, sometimes the answer is actually right there because the actual magical properties of white sugar are sweetness. No. What? It's right there, man. Damn it. It's right there in front of you. It's a trick question.

I'm furious. All right. Actually, you know what? Before the end, Jack Chick, scroll down to the very bottom of the sorcery banquet here because I want to summon the Samhain Guardian. Can you just give me just the instructions on how we can do that? Absolutely. Use a permanent

black marker. Draw a pinnacle on the bottom of the pumpkin. Place the pumpkin near your front door. Make sure not to leave it on concrete because it will rot faster. Okay. When the moon rises, hold the pumpkin in your arms and repeat the following. Precious pumpkin, watch over my home.

Protecting from Bane all you behold. By the power of this fruit in the pal moonlight. Shield us from harm both day and night. No notes. Not a single note. Get out of here, mood like hell. You leave your enchanted pumpkin

as your watchful guardian beside your front door. Huh. To complete the spell, carve no more than one day before Halloween. Don't forget to save some seeds for

magic in the future. I want my guardian to be something a teenage kid can pick up and throw. A very weak teenage kid at that point. Make sure not to leave it

on concrete because it'll rot faster. How long does it fucking take this guardian to show up, man? Right? Do it. I think just a guardian because it's a spooky pumpkin. I like that you have to draw on the bottom with a permanent magic marker. People are like, I'm not going to that house. They got a spooky pumpkin.

You wouldn't want the pentagram to get rubbed off. From the preamble to that spell, there's the story of the origin of Halloween. And the origin of Halloween is that Stingy Jack was a very stingy blacksmith who enjoyed playing tricks on people. Hence why trick-or-treating is now a thing for Halloween. Jack even wound up tricking the devil. Eventually, when Jack died, Heaven definitely did not want the trickster, and the devil had too much spite towards Jack to

allow him into hell. So he was forced to walk the earth. Oh. Okay. He was doomed from the start. His parents named him Stingy. Yeah, what? Of all of the... Like, what? Why Stingy? Like, why is Stingy why like why is stingy father took one look at the baby was like this one's stingy yeah hey kid give me a dollar ah fuck maybe his parents

really liked bees stingy stingy jack stingy jack but that story continues being forced to walk the earth jack took a turnip and hollowed it out placing coal that the devil gave him inside and then it's not referenced again like why happy halloween hope you have your coal-filled turnip well men can't have hobbies okay well it's i mean that sentence was for the seo here comes jack with his turnips long tail best turnip store number one turnip store turnip store near me colin's died turnip I would feel very safe if one Halloween my mom just went out and took a burning turnip and hugged it while mumbling something

Mommy's doing fine honey Mommy's doing fine Mommy's doing okay get back in the house Mommy's doing okay get back in the house Precious turnip, watch over my home. What did we learn from these documents? I learned I'm not as bad a cook as I thought I was. I learned about hot turnips in your area.

Turnips near you. I hear that ugly turnips want to fuck this is all so dumb. I learned that there are a lot of vlogs from the early 2010s that are geeky cooking vlogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I learned it's butter for the ladies, turkey for the men. Well, because the thing is, is like, I feel like I feel like all of them realize together that like there is because there is probably a goldmine and being the one person that actually manages to corner the market on geeky cooking blogs. But, you know, that didn't happen. But on the other hand, geeky sex toys is definitely. Yeah, right. That's a corner market yeah no I

all of the ones that I've gone here have seemed like they all just like made cookbooks that like they like self printed yeah yeah yeah which like I mean honestly you would think that the that what you would do is basically like

take a regular old recipe and just you know it's like, it's the fucking Call of Duty drink or whatever. But instead it's like, no, this is the Master Chief Mojito. It's got rum, Mountain Dew. Harry Potter's pretzels wand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I also learned

that you know we've we've we've struggled with over a while of like boy there hopper keeps getting longer but like shit if we can just bang out to a night right just just efficient podcasting that's all that is similar worlds

to figure out all the pairs it's a match to game and if you can think of a pair That's all that is. Similar worlds. I have to figure out all the pairs. It's a match two game. And if you can think of a pair of documents we should read, you could go to ball pit. You could. You know what? I don't even want to open that door. Because like, if I don't go to fucking ball pit. Yes.

No, I do. I do want you to go to ball pit. What I don't want you to do is go like, you really should read this one. You really should read this one. You know, you really should read this one. You really should read this one. You know, Lemon, I feel like you're sending a lot of mixed messages out to the listeners. I am sending out a lot of mixed messages. I feel like you could

manifest a greater audience. You need to set a greater intention. What are you doing tomorrow, Dexter? I'm busy. I'm not! Our website, T H E F B L dot U S. Yeah.

Bye. Bye. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.

Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. Pizza.