The F Plus - 408: The Short Stories of Shortstory1

Episode Date: August 25, 2024

Shortstory1 is an extremely prolific author of (appropriately enough) short stories, mainly horror one-shots or absurdist premise pieces. Are the stories well written? Absolutely not. Are the stories good? Depends on your definition of good. Are the stories entertaining? Extremely so. This episode, The F Plus thinks you're beautiful... in your own way.

Someone told me you'd be here, whispering these familiar things, talking to my little Welcome to the F+, an inspiring place with terrible stories that we'll read with enthusiasm. And in the room tonight we have Boots Rangier. My father said that I owe him ten years worth of sleep and the only way I can pay him is by not sleeping for 10 years Jack Chick Things started getting weird when the robot started showering And using the actual toilet in my home

Achilles Heelies He was a person who was known as a beauty digger Like how gold diggers are known for trying to search out wealth Either in people or things Beauty diggers try to search out beauty in any way they can. Poor Tex! Too many teeth!

Kendrick Lobstar! I am the 69th person to discover the cure for cancer and now I must take my family to the Atlantis. And Lemon. This doppelganger is the exact copy of the guy I had caught commit incest. As I tried to kill the

doppelganger, the doppelganger kept pleading with me that it isn't the doppelganger, and the police let him go. I've got fairy tales in your eyes again. And I'm caught inside a dream world where the colors are too intense. And nothing is making sense. Hey, F+. Hi, Lemon. Hi, Lemon.

Hey. Hey, how's it going? Hey, do you all like to be entertained no not particularly kind of depends on what you mean i'm good thanks why are we why are we recording this all right all right well you know i over could you have asked that are you not want entertained i was really trying to not do that, but I guess here we are. Thanks for that. Well, you do it poorly.

Is that better? And we're not entertained. It's pretty funny. That's a good start. Had that joke been timely, that would have been really funny. The fact that it's now like 25 years old. The thing we know about F-Plus episodes is they can be recorded whenever

and come out whenever. Yeah, that's super true. That's super true. This one could come out 25 years ago. That's true, because we're still going to be referencing, you know, The Sopranos, the movie kids. Popples. Popples. The cartoon Popples.

Anyway, unrelated to any of that fucking aside, I want to give you a document here. This document is another one that was provided to us by Vampire Software. Vampire Software has been on an absolute tear. And this document here is called The Short Stories of Short Story 1. So I'm just going to let Vampire Software run the intro here. So prolific, absurd horror author Short Story 1 claims to write a short story every day and it shows you won't find any proofreading editing or quality control here only absurd premises with clickbaited

titles that go on wild tangents in an interview on r slash short scary stories ooc from 2022 short story once shares i started creepypastas and websites like creepypasta.org and creepypasta.com, but those websites reject a lot of stories now. Oh, that's a problem. So, I've got a solution. Okay. What website doesn't reject anything? What website doesn't have standards?

So subreddits, like short, scary stories where they allow all stories to be shown in general. Made sense to me. The posts are a mix of subreddits r slash creepypasta r slash scary stories. So in this episode

we're going to be reading the short stories of a Reddit poster by the name of Short Story 1. This is a person who has been posting short stories once every day, formerly on creepypasta sites, but because creepypasta sites have standards and Reddit doesn't,

then, you know. Yeah. So, so we're going to start here with, let's see. So this is in r slash scary stories. And Jack Chick, this is a quick one. This one's called Hugs. Will you take this, please? Absolutely.

So this is, as Lemon said, titled Hugs. You ever seen an illusion trick where somebody faces towards a corner of a wall and starts to hug themselves because it looks like someone is hugging them or kissing them and it's always hilarious. That is how I would

describe that, yes, for sure. I make my glee club laugh so hard when I do that. What's... You got any other fun illusion tricks you do, Lemon? No, just that one. Just that one. If and when that one stops being funny,

I will come up with a new one. Oh, that's never going to happen. Lemon's been working on the removable thumb trick for a while, but he hasn't... Yeah, it doesn't... One time she got my nose, and I gotta say, that really freaked me out.

Just playing that out. You know, I once knew someone who had some really good illusion tricks, and his name was Jesus Christ. Oh, boy. Anyways. Oh, is that how he did all that stuff? Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, the kissing somebody in a corner was his biggest thing. Oh, but there's somebody there! Honestly, you can't turn a page in the Bible without hearing about Jesus in his corner. It's another miracle. Oh, it looks like he's kissing a pretty lady. It's him! So, incidentally, we are one sentence into the story and we still can't maintain everything. Good.

Anyhow, at a party, my drunk friend started doing it, and we were all laughing. It looked like he was being groped and hugged. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! We could only see two arms, but then all of a sudden,

more arms started appearing, and they were grabbing him. My friend started to scream, and his back got snapped, and he died. All of the extra arms disappeared, and my friend landed onto the floor. Yay! I'm scared!

He got snapped. He got snapped. I'm glad we're starting with the scary one. Independent of all this. Yeah, no, Ali's Aurora says, that's scary. It is scary. Are you all not scared?

Oh, good. Extra hand grabbed him, and he got snapped and died. I was scared the last time that happened to me. Actually, so this one is semi-related. Semi-related to that. Kendrick. Yo, my name is FineNet. Yeah?

Yeah. It could have had a better ending, mate. But I liked where you went with the fake hugging. Puts an entirely different perspective on the fake hugging entirely for me, you know. Kudos. It really makes you think.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay. So, a creamy pasta that starts off with doing the thing where you're pretending to make out in a corner, and it needs a different ending, he's saying? Yeah. Okay. That part's already hilarious.

Okay. Yeah, I mean, well, he was thinking it was a comedy story at first, right? R-select comedy stories. Kendrick related, this is called My Coworker Was Obsessed With The Measurements Of People's Necks. My coworker was obsessed with the measurements of people's necks. My coworker was obsessed with people's necks. He was so obsessed that he knew the inches and size of everyone's necks, comma, that he had on his phone. He would show me on a daily basis pictures of people on his phone,

and the only thing he knew about them were the inches and sizes of their necks. I think I might have worked with this guy. My coworker also carried a measuring tape with him wherever he went he was always playing around with it all right then one day well um uh he has a website we know this we know this much then one day out of boredom i started googling the people my friend had in his phone all of them were either missing or dead. I told my coworker this, and he then wanted to measure my neck, which I allowed out of fun. What, this is after? Afterwards.

So everyone you know is dead, huh? Can I measure your neck? Oh, probably. Yeah, there's a scene of him at the keyboard going, oh my god, and then smash cut to the next day. Can I measure your neck? Yeah, sure. I know, I know. That sounds like a lot of fun. Can I measure my neck unless you've got a

corner trick you want to show me? Then one day, oh, I'm sorry. He started speaking out softly the size of my neck while using the measuring tape. He then started strangling me using the measuring tape and he became more aggressive as he was shouting out loud the measurements

of my neck. Security guards took him to the ground. He has been declared insane. You're insane! The end! That's the end of the story! I liked it this, you know what, most people do the thing and I'm dead and I'm a ghost and I'm writing the story but I liked it, This, you know what? Like most people do the thing and I'm dead and I'm a ghost.

I'm writing the story, but I liked it. No, that doesn't make sense. Security guards got this guy. That's how I told you the story. Hey man, you can't do that.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm, I'm insane. This man's insane. I did like the last line. Yeah. Cause like,

it turns out he was crazy. Was a surprise. He started speaking out softly. The size my neck while using the measuring tape. Yeah, under arrest for neck measuring without a permit. He's just like... Why did the security guard... Like, what were the security guards tackling him for? Well, you know what?

The security guard saw him take out the measuring tape and was like, what is that guy doing? Then he saw him going towards his neck and he's like, wait a minute, that guy doesn't look like a tailor. Maybe it's one of those really weird, like those books people passed around those really weird old laws, like you can't measure a guy's neck more than once in the state of Utah or something stupid like

that. They tackle him for it. Hey, Portex, can you tell me about Nate? Tell me about Nate? I can tell you all about Nate. Thank you. Nate the Great is very good at websites loading, first off. I do love Nate. I have no idea that you're stalling for time. I'll tell you all about Nate, alright?

Okay, good. Good. Thank you. Nate always seemed to love kids during a shootout. That's one thing we all knew about Nate. Oh, boy. Where is right? Uh, go on. Yeah, so I have always known Nate for always hating kids. The amount of times he has told me that he never wanted kids is

uncountable. Yet, I witnessed something quite weird as me and Nate found ourselves to be stuck in some sticky situations. You know, situations where a person starts shooting strangers for no apparent reason other than a mental breakdown. Wow, Nate sounds like fun.

Yeah, you know. At least he's not measuring people's necks like a true weirdo. In that moment, I saw Nate hugging a child, and it was quite an unusual reaction, but I guess people always act strange in a life-or-death situation. Then the child reps his or her legs and arms around Nate as he tries to make a run for it, right?

Okay. So at first I thought maybe Nate doesn't hate kids after all, but on our last experience being on the receiving end of a shooter, Nate goes and finds a child, right? They don't even establish they're Americans. Look, I know people are going to think this eulogy's a bit weird

at Grandma's funeral, but let me just tell you a little more about Nate, right? The child wraps his legs and arms around Nate, and as Nate tries to flee, a bullet hits the child

holding on to Nate. Oh, smart. When I finally caught up to Nate, when the firing stopped child holding on to Nate. Oh, smart! When I finally caught up to Nate, when the firing stopped, Nate told me, kids make amazing bullet vests. And everyone thinks Nate is a hero.

Wow! End of story! Yeah! End of story! So, I've heard of people sort of coming up with, famously, like, Robert Smith wrote a lot of his songs based on dreams. I haven't heard of somebody not actually waking up.

He's in a trailer, and the kids are holding on to him, and there's a shooting. You know, at that point, if you're involved in that many shootings, you might just maybe don't go out. Maybe just don't go anywhere. Door dash everything. Maybe they live in Texas. You don't know.

There's nowhere for them to go. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, Boots. Hi, Lemon. Yeah, can you Stephen something for me? Yep. Thank you. Thank you. I would love it if you would Stephen this next story for me.

Audience, you can't wait to see Steven. Let me just Steven this so I can bring it up on my screen. I'm being very careful not to read it. What is happening right now? My favorite show, Google Universe. It only takes this long to twist your mind, Jack Chick.

I'm having a stroke here. Yeah, this is what your brain will work like from now on. I bet it feels like you're in a Google King novel right now. Get interviewed on Google, Colby. Or maybe Google Corel, I don't know. I don't need to Google it because I Steven it. Everyone always Googles something when they want to find out something,

and it's so common to Google it when they want to find out something. And it's so common to Google it when one is pondering about a certain thing. I don't need to Google it. I don't need to Google it because I could Steven it. Steven is a guy I know, and he has so much knowledge in his head that it is unbelievable to me how one brain could possess that much information. one brain could possess that much information. Any question I might have on the subject, whether it be mathematics, English, history, geography,

or when somebody is going to die or get resurrected, Steven just knows it. Yeah, you can't get prognostications in Google, so that's pretty nice. Steve really wants to know my neck size, but... I just tell him, come on man leave me alone

Stephen knows it so I don't need to google it but rather I could just Stephen it okay okay I think I got your premise uh-huh is the twist gonna be that Stephen is looking it up on google also unlike google Stephen knows more deeper and delicate information like what some random person does in his or her spare time when i wanted to know about the in and outs there's only one in the several of the secret life of lucas google didn't know it but but Stephen knew everything about Lucas. Stephen knew what Lucas enjoyed doing, like staring at his own feet, because the fungus growing on it is talking to him. Jesus Christ. Stephen also knew when Lucas shopped for groceries,

or how he went to the toilet. How did? Okay, okay. What did that look like? So he sits down. Okay. Well, Lucas is going to the toilet like this. He gets carried on a palanquin.

Or how he. Yeah. And how he took his showers. It was so fascinating to hear about the private life of lucas steven also knew that whenever lucas found a mirror he would charge at violently like an animal it's so fascinating then when i wanted to know information about a random woman just for laughs i was astonished how steven knew everything about this woman even though she didn't know him he knew when she went to work what car she drove her favorite meals

and the places she enjoyed going oh wow also new soft is making a new watchdogs game is that what's happening he also knew the interior design of her house and took pictures of the house. Yeah, that's Watch Dogs, all right. Without her ever knowing, it was just incredible that Stephen was better than Google. Then when I wanted to know everything about a certain random family. You know, for no reason. Oh, God. Stephen told me things that Google wouldn't have told me. Stephen told me how he, the family.

Second paragraph, same as the first. A little bit louder, but a little bit worse. Wait a minute. Hang on. There's good stuff coming up here. My family uses he, him pronouns. We're a hive mind. He's also used woman and women interchangeably here.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen told me how he stayed inside a certain strange family's house. Oh, Stephen did this. Yes, Stephen did. He stayed in a certain strange family's house without that family ever knowing. And he told me how the father had to constantly stop the mother from sacrificing thier children in the name of witchcraft. What?

He also told me how the father liked to choke himself by using teddy bears and how the children pretend to be dead majority of the time to trick the mother into not killing them already. Is he wrapping the bears around his throat or is he shoving them around his

diaphragm? Then when the whole family ended up dead, Steven didn't know anything about it, and that was unusual because he knows everything. He just doesn't want to talk about it for some odd reason, and some people call him a stalker and a murderer, but to me, he is a better version of Google. That was a long one. Wow. All right. Great story. Wow. That was a long one.

Wow. All right. Great story. Wow. That was a great story. Can we get some puppets to do puppet shows with these stories? I will absolutely do that. It would just be two puppets kind of staring at each other.

Yeah. Trying to figure out when the narrative will start. No, it would just be one puppet just talking. Also good. I can do this. I have a few socks. Probably. I can make this happen.

Probably. I am fully confident that you can put googly eyes on a sock, poor Tex. Thank you. I've also thought this about myself. That's what we need. Positive reinforcement. They tell writers, you know uh don't don't say show uh but preferably do neither yeah yeah just sort of wasted energy well i mean this is some of his

older work i'm sure that it'll get once he gets warmed up yeah yeah like older work like a couple months ago yeah yeah so uh actually uh hel, will you tell me about your addiction? Yeah, my addiction to oxygen is really bad. Oh. The detective was grilling me over the murders of... What? The detective was really grilling me over the murders of

multiple people spanning a decade. Okay. Between the year 1990 and the year 2000, there have been multiple deaths that happened in the same manner. They have been killed in the same way and the cops

thunk it is me. So far, sounds right. Thunk it is me. I am no stranger to cops and detectives probing me. And I have been in and out of prison for years. All right. You feel like you should have problems then with the cops probing you.

I've accepted it. I have never done major stays in prison, and I have done maybe a couple months in prison. I've done a couple months in prison over years. Like, I'm only in there for a couple days at a time. The detective knows that I am in the system, and he knows of my history of petty crime, but these murders aren't petty crime. Yeah.

It's true. And I will go in for a life system if I get done for. My first grilled me for the first murder in the year 1990 and I told him in the year 1990 I was dead. That's

really shitty. I couldn't have done it. I think it's perfect actually. I think it's perfect, actually. I think it would really work. Who would be surprised how many people use that as an excuse? Excuse me, officer, I was dead at the time. Oh, my apologies.

Have a good night. Fuck! Fuck! I'll get you next time! It's so unfair that they keep arresting revenants. Hey, buddy, I'm gonna put you in for a couple days to a month here and there. I had seeked help for my addiction to oxygen, and I was strangled till I couldn't breath. I was dead for a year, and I even had video footage of me being strangled.

Okay. I have a serious problem with oxygen addiction, and I breath so much in... If I am in a lift or somewhere confined, I breath in speech oxygen that other people would start struggling to breath due to the lack of oxygen. Huh? Huh? A lift? Someone come by and say, get in the puppets ready

I breath in speech oxygen that other people would start struggling to breath due to lack of oxygen yeah that's what I said then I showed him a death certificate that shows I was dead for six months then the detective

started the detective moved on the detective started grilling me for another death in 1992 during the summer i proved to him that it couldn't be me because i had seemed help again for oxygen addiction as i had relapsed i I had gone for oxygen addiction therapy where I was strangled and I had died. Wow. So there's really only one way to cure oxygen addiction. Yeah. It seems like they just all use the same method. He just has a reverse CPAP machine that's like a vacuum cleaner or something.

My oxygen addiction was so bad that even if I was in an office, I would breath that much in that other people in the office would collapse. Oh, man, that's a great vision. This new M. Night Shyamalan script really sucks. There's like, Emily from accounting is grabbing the I don't know, a lamp or something about to fly away. I'm some sort of Kirby that...

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just... There's just two rooms and they've got signs on them one of them says oxygen addiction therapy and the other one says uh oxygen deprivation enthusiasts and they both every time you breathe in you have to step into one room to breathe that far side to one or anything? I feel like my brain's really starting to disconnect. Why? I don't know.

It's the oxygen. Yeah, the oxygen. I've got too much oxygen going on. I showed the detective my death as I was dead for eight months this time. I proved the detective wrong when as I was dead for eight months this time. I proved the detective wrong when he accused me of being the killer in the year 1994, 1996, and all the way to the year 2000. Those were Roger Simpson. Allegedly.

The murders were all done in the same way. They had bite marks all over and their skin torn open. Okay, alright. they had bite marks all over and their skin torn open I left the police station smiling as the detectives had asked the wrong questions

he asked me if I murdered them on the assumption that I was alive in reality I had killed those people when I was dead whoa wow be the first to comment and I was dead. Whoa! Wow! Wow!

Be the first to comment. All right, everyone get your comments ready. Nobody. I couldn't have done it. That was Jordan Peterson. That was in the coma. Oh, look at all the comments people were pulling all your oxygen out your dick.

Hey, can I tell you about Patrick? Yeah. Please, SpongeBob. Thank you. Thank you very much. No problem. Like you do. So Patrick only eats attractive people. No, not Patrick.

This wedding toast is going to be really great. I'm not eating any ogres. Finally, I'm not eating any. I mean, it's, it's could be Patrick Bateman at this point. So my daughter came into my room crying and I had to put my work laptop down and try to calm down my daughter, which isn't easy. She is only a teenager, but it is at this stage where kids become complicated. I asked

her what was wrong, and her answer made me really worried. Patrick, who only eats attractive people, had eaten Jerry, Michelle, and Sienna, but not me. So that means I'm not attractive, she blurted out. That is the biggest problem you can have when you're hanging out with a cannibal.

Boy, I was worried that my kids were going to ask me about sex. Now I'm worried about this. You're going to sell her to military school. She won't have to worry about it when I send her to military school. You're right. I had no idea what to say or who this patrick was and i wanted to call the police but my daughter comma became more psychotic when she heard i intended to call the police she clearly didn't want the police involved this is a

community matter this is not for the right so So are you ready for this next sentence? I am. Give it to me. Okay. Okay. So one of the things about like sort of narrative. Okay. So one of the things about plot.

I'm sorry. I have to teach you this. But escalation matters. Okay. Right? So this next paragraph is, Patrick knows who is attractive and who is not attractive. And clearly I am ugly because he doesn't want to eat me.

She blurted out. Alright, yeah. Didn't know that before, I know it now. Escalation. Alright, alright. I tried to be supportive and I kept on telling my daughter that she was beautiful in her own way. Oh, you don't know. Oh, you

screwed that up. No, you are! You are beautiful! In your own way. Everyone is beautiful. It's not what's on the outside that counts, honestly. Plus, who cares what patrick eats i'm sure patrick will eat you eventually don't worry about it you just delayed bloomer when there's no one else left okay i only made things worse and then her mother took hold of her and took her shopping.

I imagine that these were things mothers and daughters can only solve when it came to attractiveness. That is the worst sentence I think we've ever read on this podcast. That can't be. What about all these other sentences? Oh, yeah, those are pretty bad, too. Good point. What about that entire last story? What about, what about, I showed the detective my death Good point. What about that entire last story? What about,

what about, I showed the detective my death as I was dead for eight months this time? Yeah, that's pretty bad. That's a pretty bad sentence. Sorry, I was dead for that portion. My daughter came back. This is what I...

My daughter came back with a new fashion sense and a new packs of makeup. Uh-oh. Buy the pack. We cake your face in the stuff. Maybe Patrick will like you. Yeah, like every time my daughter needs some new makeup, I take her to Costco.

Quantity is more important. We get the 300 pack. You get her a booster pack, I see. Costco. Quantity is more important. We get the 300 pack. You get her a booster pack, I see. No, no, no. Like, I get her the tub of foundation. You pour it, like, upside down over her head, kind of like with the Jell-O.

Oh, yeah. And then pull it up. This is the Costco and get her the makeup gun from the Simpsons. I think you should get it in a drum so she can just put her head in there. Yeah. The Joker way. I get it. Yeah.

Okay. The things kids do these days, it's just so alien. That's a sentence. Then my daughter came home so full of energy. That's so alien. That's so alien. It's not normal like me. Then my daughter came home so full of energy and happiness,

and she excitedly shouted out loud, Patrick wants to eat me! That means I'm good looking! I'm hoping Patrick is an actual just monster of some sort, like, not a guy of any kind. So, knowing at this point that my child's death is imminent,

the next sentence is, I didn't know how to react, as I had negative and positive emotions running through me at once. I'll no longer have this ugly child! But that one will it last? My wife hugged my daughter and told me off for not being truly happy for my daughter.

I tried to speak some sense into her, but my wife scolded me for not properly supporting my daughter as she finally found some comfort in the way she looks. She's going over to Patrick's now, who finds her attractive enough to eat. I can't stop trembling. Yay!

God, can you imagine finishing that, typing that sentence and being like, nailed it. Yeah! Everyone will clearly understand what I mean here. Fist pound the air. Hi, my name's Ain't Too Proud to Beg. I will be sharing this with a friend that calls herself ugly.

Oh, thanks. What a good friend. That's true. Good. Good, good, good. I like how there's a reply that says, I don't think she meant eating my body, good sir. And he said, short story, one replies,

no, Patrick is a cannibal. Leaving it up to the readers, we're cowards. And then another person says, hello, Patrick, are you eating? No, this is Patrick. See, I told you. Great. Open up short story on one's account just for some future reference.

If a mess were a person, just responds to a Reddit comment with, I hate it here. Same. Correct. But I have to be here. Deleted says, I like this one. Neat and fresh. Okay, so we're going to go into the

next section here. The next section is called Just Weird. Hey, poor Tex. Yeah. Can you take this story? It's called The Sorry Man Likes to Say Sorry. Sorry, sorry, everyone, but the sorry man likes to say sorry. I suppose that's why he's called that.

This story is from four years ago. This is ancient as far as the short story went. I'm sure this one will be a really easy read. Anthology, yeah. The sorry man likes to say sorry to people. So the sorry man liked to hurt people so that he could say sorry to them. If the sorry man does something to you, do not accept his apologies. If you do accept his apologies, then you are essentially feeding him his drug.

I wish I knew this at first. Okay. The first time I met the sorry man was when he messed up my front lawn. Then I came outside and the sorry man started to apologize and even gave me money. I accepted his apology.

Ah! I'm scared! There's a thunderstorm going outside. It's extra spooky. When I accepted his apology, he gave a weird smile. He then came back another day and crashed into my car and started apologizing profusely. He also gave

me more cash and I accepted his apology and fixed my car myself. His smile became even more menacing. Ah! We're only a couple sentences away from the ending, so this is going to get super scary. I hope so. I really hope so.

This is r slash scary stories. He then started to throw stuff at my home, and I went outside to confront him. As I was punching him, the sorry man was just saying sorry while crying. He was also offering me more money, but I just didn't care about the money

at the time. It was like he was buying apologies or my acceptance of his apology. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. We've got three sentences left. Hang on. Terror is gonna come in one big shotgun blast. Y'all are gonna be horrified, alright?

Then I came home To find that my house Had been burnt down with my family inside Okay That's fine The sorry is still trying to apologize to me But I am not accepting his apologies anymore I will not feed him what he wants Yeah that's the important thing

About what happened Scary Hey I burnt down your house feed him what he wants. Yeah, that's the important thing about what happened. Scary! Scary! Hey! Hey! I burnt down your house! Sorry about that! Sorry! Sorry that I burnt... I killed your family!

Oh, I'm sorry. My bad. Hey, short story one. Hey, short story one. Yeah, my name is Hey, short story one. Hey, short story one. Yeah. My name is Pimel Perat.

Yeah, that's a word. I'm glad. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. Short story one. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I say in the comments. Yes. I will not feed you anymore of wanting me to accept your apology. Hi, I'm deleted.

Mate, the man just hap a couple onions. Wow, it's spreading. I am Ziers. This was a good story. Good job. Encouragement is important. Whoa, I've just uncovered some short story one more

here. Okay. Short story one is responding to someone being mean. People think it's easy at what I do. I literally go through five to ten stories a day until I reach one that gets popular. I delete the unpopular ones. Oh! Can we please have that?

Can we have the ones that weren't good enough? Please. I hadn't... It's really hard being a reincarnated L. Ron Hubbard. Yeah! Honestly, I hadn't considered this as a form of editing, right? It's the year 2024,

obviously editing, ugh, no. So instead of that, just write four stories and let the algorithm edit it for you. It's the perfect rhyme it's that's yeah uh uh hey uh hey helis oh yeah uh can you uh i'm gonna i want you to take the title of the story uh there's no comments on it okay for over 20 years they are still holding guns to each other's head. Sorry.

It's so hard to read these sentences. For over 20 years, they are still holding guns to each other's head inside the mall. Who is they? Well, I'll tell you. In the year 1980, multiple gangs were at war. Oh, okay. The multiple gangs. Math teachers. Yeah.

And they were going to have their shootout inside a large mall. Alright, let's have our shootout now! Let's take it inside. I'm gonna get you outside the tasty freeze, you see. Listen here, we're gonna solve this once and for all! You and me, outside the Claire's?

You've described... That is a one-sentence description of a great 80s movie, so I'm in. You know? Their turf is the hot dog on a stick, and they're not giving it up. Yeah, it's more of a shoot-in at this point. That's the title of the movie!

And it can start with the sock puppets that I'm already making. It's great. Okay. I'm singing like Jean-Claude Van Damme, but yours might work too. Jean-Claude Van Damme and puppets! Obviously that would work great. That would be really good.

Steven Seagal. Well, let's hear the rest of the story. He kicks the puppet off of the hand. That's how hard he kicks. Steven Seagal, is he back in America yet? No, we're going to have to shoot this in Bel Air. We're going to shoot this in Romania. It's Google Seagal, actually.

It was a tense day for them all. Yeah. And then it happened. The gangs pulled their guns out at each other. Oh, yeah. Gong. Gong. Attention. At 3.05pm

we'll be having a shootout. This led to the passerbys to also pull out their guns. And this kept on carrying on until every person inside the mall was pointing a gun at someone and vice versa. Okay, so this is like

this is like late era South Park. Yeah, remember that meme where everyone froze in time to that song? It's like that, but they all have guns. I think this gag could work in like Naked Gun or something. I think that would be good.

But this is scary, though. It was a huge standstill inside the mall. The police tried to intervene and remedy the situation. That'll get more guns out of the situation. How do we subtract guns from here? Ah, the cops, yes. But in the end, they couldn't do anything, and they just closed off the mall

with the people still holding a gun to each other. Oh, my God! Whoa! Never mind, this story rules! Just frozen in time. I like it a lot now. I hope he covers how they eat and sleep and stuff. No, but yeah, everyone just... Everyone backs out slowly.

Hey, can you point your gun at Jim? I have to go to the bathroom real quick. I'll be right back. Then in the year 1990, that mall was still filled up with those same people in the year 1980, and they were still holding guns to each other's heads.

Yeah, but now they're wearing the short Adidas shorts. Just lots and lots of windbreakers. Sun ice jackets. That would be so good though.

It's been locked up, but people still sneaked in to check out the people holding guns to each other's head. I would. Yeah. That's how you get your fish out of water character to introduce you to the concept in the movie. Right? Some kids sneak in because they heard that this standoff has been going on for 10 years.

Hey, new kid. You have to crawl, duck, and tiptoe around the people holding a gun to each other's head. Every corner of the mall had people holding a gun to one and another. I heard that. How the fucking people were in this mall? I was a rebellious kid. Oh, now I'm in the story. Who just wanted to check it out.

And it was incredible. Hi, it's me. Short story. You might wonder how I got here. I've never seen a mall before. They don't have it in before. The very same people. The pretzel's as big as your head! I'm surprised short story one had time to go to a mall with all the story writing they're doing.

You just have to spend all that story writing money from all the story writing. Okay, the very same people who were here inside the mall in the 1980s pointing a gun at someone hadn't aged a day at all. Yeah, see, Portex, you were wrong. Yeah, I was wrong. Sorry. Yeah, it's Twilight Zone luck. Sorry for that earlier, guys. This is the M. Night Shyamalan twist.

They hadn't eaten anything. You got the beach that makes people old, the movie, and then the mall that makes people not old, the movie. So once you have fun on the beach, you can go shopping in the mall. Why are all these guys pointing guns at each other? I feel like I'm going crazy or something. I'm just in a simple mall in Philadelphia. They hadn't eaten anything or even drinking anything.

It's because of this huge standoff, and it's kept aging, hunger, and thirst at bay. That's, oh my god, this is really good. This is really good. And then at some point, like, Nora Jones is gonna burst in and sing a song about how violence is tragic. And all violence is self-inflicted.

But then when they drop their guns down, they immediately melt into little piles of bones. Yeah, it's like a metaphor. They can't stop now because that's what keeps them around. One thing I wasn't aware of is that sometime on a random hour, these

people would quickly change to point their gun at someone else. My friends and I had to quickly duck so that we don't get a gun to our head. Not sure how that metaphor... But that's... Whatever. Yeah, okay. Fine. Also, my friends are here now. You picked some along the way.

You're going to the mall. Of course you're going with friends. That's where the arcade is. They're pointing the light guns at each other's heads. That is a very old reference point, Boots Rank. You know that's not the true now, right? It's 1990 in this story. Okay, I take it back.

I saw it. You're right. Also, we brought guns ourselves. We pointed Nerf guns at each other's heads and squirt guns and stuff. We ran out of actual guns at each other's heads And squirt guns and stuff Super soakers Also we brought guns ourselves Just in case you know Then when these people quickly changed

And pointed their gun at someone new I was slow to duck And I had someone from 1980 pointing a gun at me And I quickly pointed a gun at him I shouted to my friends, help, guys, help! Oh, okay, never mind. Never mind, this is back to being an excellent

movie. I mean, like, or like a Chris Cunningham music video. It would work there, too. Oh, and that's like part of the, like, you can dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some Apex Twin in the back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see? Yeah, good ideas. Like, we do, like, Gun Kata from, uh... Oh, yeah, yeah. Some Apex twin in the back. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, see? Yeah, good ideas. Like, we do, like,

Gunn-Kata from... Oh, yeah! But with no shooting, though. You're just doing the dancing part. Is that John Woo? The equilibrium? No, no, no, no, no.

That wasn't John Woo. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't John Woo work on that? I feel like that he did. But, anyway. Insofar as the people who made that movie watched John Woo, he's just... You know, all of this, I'm still that he did. But anyway. And so far as the people who made that movie

watched John Woo movies, yes. You know, all of this, I'm still ready to invest. I think the Wachowskis worked on that movie in the same capacity. None of this has changed my desire to invest in the film. I'm with Lemon. This is a good idea for a movie. It is. It really is.

My friends got my parents and police involved, and my dad tried pushing me out of the way. The guy who was pointing a gun at me shot my dad, and this caused another change where everyone was pointing their gun at someone new, including me. The police crawled through the floor

to drag my dead father out, but I was stuck. Sorry, kid, you're on the air. I feel like the police crawling through the floor a little bit of a third act change, but that's fine, I guess. Go through some rewrites, I feel.

The police are like sandworms. That's its own movie. Now you're making a spin-off. We gotta go through the floor. The police who are the tremors. Yeah. It's now 2024, and I have an age today, and I'm still pointing the gun at the same

guy, and vice versa. And holding a phone, and typing out my story to Reddit. That's really good. I am hoping for another change where everyone points their gun at someone new. You still get stupid rebellious kids entering the building, messing around. Woo!

Done. So, okay, so it's not gonna be, so your dad's gonna get removed. It's gonna be your love interest. Like, it'll be like a tough girl. Oh, yeah, sure. Like a short, spiky haircut, you know what I'm saying? Like, she'll die, but like, yeah.

Which Wahlberg do we get for this one? Yeah, and she'll introduce you to the world. Which Wahlberg do we get for this one? Oh, fuck! I mean, let's just get two cheap ones. We might have to get one of those side Baldwins. What's the best bang for our buck on Wahlbergs? Can we also get a shitty Baldwin?

Yeah, we'll swap them back and forth like the Olsen twins. Well, we definitely won't want Alec Baldwin. No, you'll swap them back and forth like the Olsen twins. Well, we definitely won't want Alec. Adam Baldwin, who isn't related to the other ones, but is definitely the worst. Again, I'm ready. My check is waiting for your

deposit. We're going to hit Netflix. We're going to hit Hulu. We're going to hit Smabby. We're going to hit Flip. Smabby. Yep, yep. Crunchy Roll. Crunchy Roll. I thought this was a Shudder. Crunchy Roll, a Premier May adaptation?

Hell yeah. I thought this was a Shudder exclusive. We're going to get a dropout. Ooh, dropout. Yeah, they'll pay like $45 for this. Get that Quibi money. Hey, Boots. Exclusive premiere at Fyre Festival hey boots uh uh uh tell me about your

useless degree won't you please yeah yeah i would love to tell you about my useless degree yeah i taught a useless degree for 30 years and now i can't go into mc donald's mc donald's what's up y'all dun dun dun dun everybody it's mc donald that's the sound of the deep fryer that's the sound of the deep fryer

another great idea see we got a second we got a second movie are you loving it i'm loving it i have been teaching a useless degree for 30 years and now i can't even go to mc donald's the trick is to be able to teach a useless degree for 30 years is being a great salesman that is all education is at this point. It's business.

It's a business. Education isn't about teaching and learning. It's about who can make the most money. It's a sad reality, but I have milked it the best way I can. I have always been a great talker, and I can sell almost anything. Now it seems karma has hit me as I had sold too well the useless degree that I had taught.

I remember wanting a MC Donald's and as soon as I stepped into the restaurant, every worker there was a student of mine. They all studied the useless degree that i had promised them would give them a great life the way they were all looking at me and i knew they hated me for essentially ruining their life it was extremely awkward and i knew that they blamed me for being stuck in a dead-end job like mc donald's i ordered from the self-checkout and when my number was called out every mc donald's worker was just staring at me i grabbed my food and i went out but something in me told me not

to eat the food i gave it to a homeless man and as i watched him eat my mc donald's he started MC Donalds. He started bleeding out blood. What? And I knew my past students had poisoned it. They did it as revenge for teaching them a useless degree that has now nailed them to the dead end jobs. Uncooked chicken. I then went to I then went on to KFC.

Apparently. Show me this Colonel, you speaker. I wish to have an audience. And once again, every worker there was also a student of mine in the past. Their eyes were piercing me, and I knew they had hated me for making them choose my degree course

over the others. I ordered my food, and it was a past student who took my order, and the way she sounded towards me was one of hatred. I gave the food to another homeless man, and once again he died. I'm a murderer at this point.

Why does this keep happening? I then realized that the homeless man was also a student of mine maybe i sold the useless course a bit too well and now so many people are stuck in jobs they never dreamed of i just wanted to eat something and every fast food joint i went to it was full of workers who used to use to study the useless degree that i had taught i really like this utopia that you set up where uh marketing degrees you know end up with people working at mcdonald's or sorry mc donald's that is a better world that is a better world this is definitely uh the city of

tomorrow then i needed someone to fix something in my house and the builder that came was also an ex-student. I needed to move away. Well, that person got a good job at least. I'm astroneko54. This was so well written, I genuinely thought this was off my chest or am I the asshole? Maybe even a today I fucked up post. You got me. Well done.

Score! Negative four. Today I fucked up by teaching an entire city a useless degree that's full of McDonald's. And then poisoned some homeless men. And also talked them all into the

degree, and also I was the only professor teaching an entire degree course. Right. Today I fucked up by doing all of it. Am I the asshole? Not I killed two homeless men. Am I the asshole? I don't know. Hey Jack, can you tell me about your grandma?

Yeah, so my 300-year-old grandma is still entertaining on stage, and it's disgusting. Oh boy. So you're how old then? How old are you? Unclear. Maybe we'll find out. That's disgusting. Okay. Maybe it's the witch from Dragon Ball.

You don't know. My 300-year-old great-great-grandma is still living it up. Wait a minute. Wait. I'm not good at math, but... Payton Switch, asshole. Wait a minute. Great-great-grand. Yeah, okay.

Yeah, I know. You're fucking stuck now, motherfucker. She's on the stage like, hello, my baby. Hello, my child. Well, the world stage. She can sing really well, and she has been famous throughout the decades. Oh, that's disgusting. Although it's disgusting... What an asshole. Although it's disgusting to see her on stage doing her thing with the whole

world watching her. Now when people watch her live, their eyes start to burn away and their bodies disintegrate into nothing. She's like Gorgon. He forgot to mention it. Yeah, okay, alright. Alright, this is, you know what?

This is actually, this is a good movie too, now that I think about it. Granny Gorgon's World Tour, we'll call it. It's kind of a parody of celebrity culture, right, man? If that happened when people watched Taylor Swift, it'd probably take her a couple concerts before people stopped going. I love Tay-Tay I'm dying But if she's a dancing gorgon I don't know

It's nice And like we can get We can get actually Taylor Swift In the role As the grandma Disgusting grandma Wouldn't it be a puppet of Taylor Swift Okay yeah

It could be like that movie with the Bill and Ted guy. Freaked? We could get all those special effects on her to make her a gross slobbering gorgeous. What a perfect reference that will resonate with everybody.

Everyone in the audience definitely saw Freaked, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Showed in like, what, three theaters overall? I'm sure that everyone listening right now is a whole bunch. I barely know

what you're talking about. I had to look it up. I'm sorry. This is the contract we get when we invite Portex to the podcast and we love it. Everyone loves Popples

and Freaked. And all the Hanna-Barbera shit I was talking about for all my Quaidak. And all the Hanna-Barbera shit I was talking about. For all my Quaid heads. For all my Quaid heads. All you Randy Quaid fans out there. Yeah, yeah. You need to watch the full catalog where you're like,

you need to watch everything Randy Quaid has ever been in. Let's see. The thing is, okay, we probably can't get right to this, right? No, no, no, no, no, no. Whoa. Freak costs $12 million to make it and make $29,000. Alright, what do you got, Jack? Yeah. When she performs

live, all that is left after her show is the thousands of icky muck liquid-like substance that were once living people. Yeah, see? I'm right. You sure are. The thing she does on stage might have been cool and hot back when she was young,

but now it's disgusting, especially due to her age. That being a gorgon, damn it. My 300-year-old grandma wants to do another show, and I have tried to talk her out of it, but she still wants to do it. Out of desperation, I reached out to a man who is good at stopping things and turning things off. Ah, okay! Alright, there's a good establishing

champion. I'm good at stopping things. I'm sorry. I have a certain talent. I'm sorry, you guys cut me off before I could finish the sentence, so I'm gonna read the first sentence. Oh, sorry. Out of desperation, I reached out to a man who is good at stopping things and turning

things off. His name is Tony. Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Wait, throw away all those jokes. Let's now only make jokes about his name being Tony. Yeah, no, exactly. I didn't know his name was Tony.

You might say I'm good at stopping things and my name's tony good old stoppy tony i told him about my 300 year old grandma and how she still thinks that she is still young wait is that the problem tony once knew a 500-year-old man who was still entertaining millions on the stage, and whenever... That's disgusting! And whenever people saw him live on stage, the audience would die after seeing a 500-year-old man doing some unsavory things on stage. No, it's respectable, he's a silver fox. Their souls literally left them.

I'm out of here. Why did they go to the show then? They know that this is going to happen. Is it just the most intense? Well, because Tony wasn't there to put a stop to it. Poor Rex, keep up. I told you about it. I got dishwashers.

I do lamps. Tony's brother is the booking agent. He'll literally stop your heart All the posters for this though would be so good On the day of my 300 year old grandma's singing show I was hoping Tony would put a stop to it

Instead my grandma did her thing, and the audience's eyes had burned away, and their bodies had disintegrated. After my 300-year-old grandma's show had finished, all that was left was just this liquid muck all over the ground. This was from the audience members' bodies disintegrating from watching a 300-year-old woman dancing and singing around on stage. I... Yeah, I kinda... This seems familiar to me somehow.

It's like poetry. I have to read ahead, but I think I was accidentally right. I confronted Tony and I asked him why he didn't stop it. And his response was Hey, I turn things off by letting them do their thing until they run out of energy.

I turn off light bulbs till the bulb can no longer give off light. That's not how light bulbs work. The light bulb's just like, oh god keep messing with my head. I turn off tap water till the water stops running and I actually turned That's not how light bulbs work. The light bulb's just like, oh, God, keep messing with my head. I'm done. I turn off tap water until the water stops running,

and I actually turned off a nuclear bomb by letting it blow up. When you turn something on, it automatically switches off because it will finish whatever it is doing. I feel like you should have asked for Tony's resume when he said that he was good at turning things off. I turned things off by letting them be on, you see. In that instance, I regretted ever going to him because

of how he turns things off. My 300-year-old grandma still has no intention of ever stopping dancing and singing around on stage. Tony! Tony, the true villain. Oh, I can imagine the YouTube discourse now. Was Tony the

true villain of the 300 Grammys? Coming down to the end here, but you, Kendrick, you are on r slash stay awake. And there's a missive. There's a thing that you need to do.

What is that? I have to create 10,000 babies by the end of the month. Buck can get to it. Oh, I see. So you're going to talk or you're going to make babies. Come on. I have decided to make 10,000 babies by the end of the month, and I don't know why I want this, but I just do.

I don't know how I'm going to raise them or acquire extra money for them, but I'm still going to do it. When it comes to babies, you should just do it, and you can't think too much into it. Hell yeah, man. High five. The mother is really urging me as well to have 10,000 babies by the end of the month, as she wants lots of grandchildren.

Oh, it's a singular mother. The great mother. The first couple babies I made were perfect, but they're still far away from the 10,000 mark. So you're an amphibian. You're a surinam toad and they're crawling out of your skin simultaneously. My mother urged me to still

make more babies, as my babies were quickly growing and already walking after a couple of weeks then they started to become teenagers and they were going through all the phases of teenage hood we raised them to be simple and down to earth but when my teenage children started to proper name don fashion different fashion senses and beliefs it's affected the timeline hey i'm done fashion sense i had new memories i had new memories now and Hey, I'm Don Fashion Senses! I had new memories now, and instead of raising them to be normal, I now had memories of raising them to be abnormal. In what way?

Every time my teenage children had Don a new fashion and personality, it affected the timeline and gave me new memories of how I raised them. If my children committed crimes, then it was my fault, because even though I tried raising them normal, I now had new memories of raising them to be bad. I feel like the story used to be about something else. Whatever my children became,

it would change the past and my actions of how I raised them. I had 100 children at this point and so many wives, ex-wives and ex-girlfriends that I lost count. My children then became old and died and I was nowhere near the 10,000 count.

Oh, I only have like 3,435. Yeah, and you're running out of month. This is the worst take on Brewster's Millions I've ever seen in my life. Where am I going to get all these babies?

Another movie. So you love babies, huh? Well, I'm going to lock you in the closet until you smoke all of these babies. My mother screamed at me that I needed 10,000 babies by the end of the month. But halfway through the month, my babies had grown old of age and died. I found new partners to create more newer babies, and I had 200 babies this time, and they were all walking by the first week.

When they became teenagers by the second week, and whatever personality or fashion sense they had chosen, it affected me, the timeline, and it also changed my memories of how I originally raised them to be. I always start off raising them to be boring and down-to-earth.

So, I don't know if I I end up becoming or doing, it is always my fault. Boy, don't we know that. When the month comes to its end, all of my new 200 babies had grown old and had died of old age. My mother was screaming at me

because I was never going to reach the 10,000 babies count by the end of the month. And then just carry it in. Fuck it. What the fuck? Like, what? What does that have to do with anything?

I failed to come up with a premise, but I wrote my story for the day. Fuck it. Mother's yelling at me. Something tells me short story one might have had his mom yelling at him. Yeah, yeah, maybe. Maybe maybe Maybe there's some mom related trauma Yeah absolutely Oh wait Wait

You know what actually Boots I was about to give you A different story Yeah yeah yeah Oh let me I just want to read this story from two days ago. Okay. Yeah.

What's that? So two days ago from like the 420 that we're recording this on. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Happy 420. Yeah. Jenny, you really need to fart right now. Jenny, you really need to fart right now.

Jenny, you really need to fart right now. Jenny, we need to talk. Jenny need to fart right now. Jenny, you really need to fart right now. I worked in a scientific laboratory, and we were working on something that was really ahead of our times. We were working on a super soldier serum, and we wanted to create soldiers that were super strong and fast. We started off with so much hope, but hope is pointless if the results are lacking. Dr. Mein

Hand. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! See? This guy's got it in him. He wrote a paper with Das Fut.

No, no, Dr. Jorhan, no, Mein Hand. No, Jorhan, no, Mein Hand. Dr. Mein Hand was the first to notice that something was going terribly wrong with the soldiers we were experimenting on. He noticed that they weren't turning into super soldiers, but rather that they were turning into zombies. He just went straight to human tests

without anything before that. Yes. I mean, as far as we know, maybe that was... Dr. Mindhand really sounds like someone who's going to follow the rules, right? You gotta save some stuff for the prequel, Jack. You don't go to evil doctor school to follow the rules, right? You gotta save some stuff for the prequel, Jack. You don't go to evil doctor school to follow

the rules. This is in the She-Wolf of the SS Extended Universe. Oh, yeah, okay, that makes sense. Sorry. Dr. Meinhardt tried telling the managers, but as usual, the shitty managers, the shitty, shitty managers

just fobbed it off. Das Manager Scheisse! The manager of what? All the MC Donalds? The managers have fobbed it off. I guess they were more worried about what the investors would think. Behind the manager's back, he created a cure as quickly as he could, and in the form of tablets tablets he placed them in cakes.

Come on. What? Dr. Minus looks like a baker as well? Zombies love cakes. Come on, Kendrick. You don't like foreplay? It's one of those cakes. Maybe it looks like those cakes that look like other stuff. Why does it matter that they're in fucking tablets and then he puts them

in cakes? What do zombies like to say? It's the same bow. That's what zombies like to say? The same bow. That's what zombies say. Bow. I eat cake. In order to make a tablet you have to have a power. Just bake it into the fucking cake. Dragons go rah rah rah.

Dragons go rah rah rah. You have to put the tablet into the cake. The logic of getting the tablet is the issue with this story. The investors were going to visit. If you don't put the cake then you have to put the tablet into the cake. The logic of getting the tablet is the issue with this story. You guys, you know. The investors were going to visit. If you don't put it in the cake, then you have to close their mouth, hold their mouth closed like a dog until they swallow the tablet.

You don't want to do that to the zombie. They're trying to bite you. Don't be stupid. The investors were going to visit our laboratory for a show of these so-called super soldiers. The super soldiers were going to be let out of their cages dr mein hans was fired as expected but he told me of the zombie problem and the tablets he had put into the cakes basically somebody has to eat them and in the form of farts the chemicals would quickly spread into the air and essentially kill off the zombies.

The only possible way to aerosolize particles. The only solution to our problem is cake farts. That's the only solution. Hey, you know what I like the most? Cake farts. Don't Google that. So, General, I understand that you're going to show us these super soldiers that are killers that recognize neither friend nor foe.

Right. Yes. Can you let them out of the cage, please? They are unkillable at this point, right? Yes. All right. Definitely. Out of the cage. Out of the cage.

Those of us that have served in the military know that this is accurate. Could this have been prevented somehow? I went to the room where Dr. Mein Hans had placed the cakes with the tablets inside them. And as I entered the room, I found Jennifer had eaten them all. How big are the cakes with the tablets inside them and as I entered the room I found Jennifer had eaten them all how big are the cakes

we were minutes the story is called Jenny you really need to fart right now oh right we were minutes away from the soldiers being released from the cages for the investors to have a look at then the scream started Jennifer's tummy started rumbling

and I told Jennifer, Jen, you really need to fart right now. As I told Jennifer everything about those cakes. There was so much buildup, and then here we are. And what Dr. Mein Hand had figured out. I imagine this moment to feel so much different emotionally. Lemon, I'll storyboard like a better, we'll have like cinematic camera angles and stuff like that.

Okay. I am a woman, I will not fart in front of people she exclaimed i would have left her alone but the zombie soldiers were everywhere around boots did a woman get on your microphone and start recording there yeah

yeah i keep a woman here just for that i'm a woman i don't know just for that fart in front of people a lady he keeps hello i would have left her alone, but the zombie soldiers were everywhere around the building at this point. More scared, desperate employees had sought refuge in the room me and Jen were in, and Jennifer was definitely not going to fart now with the increase of people.

I begged her to fart and release the chemicals to kill off the zombies, but as the cure was the only thing that could kill the zombies. We're military personnel. If only we had some sort of weapon on us. Chopping their heads off wouldn't work or any other virus or disease. Jennifer stood her ground, though, with her grumbling belly and spoke out I will not sorry I will not fart in front of people

but I'm imagining her standing her ground yeah I'm imagining her standing her ground like sort of E. Honda right her whole body vibrating in place like E. Honda just just hit mid punch a whole bunch of times it'll come out it's fine

no no the farts will come out. It's fine. No, no, the farts will come out a million times. Jenny, please, you gotta fart. Jenny, you gotta fart. Elsewhere in the compound, while this is going on, they still released all the other zombies. Yes. Okay, so in here we're dying, but for safety's sake,

you all should probably release the other zombies. See, the problem is that they hadn't actually invested in a privacy screen. Yeah. All the managers are like, you can't ask her to do that, okay? We've talked about this. I would actually love it if the ending is she farts in front of everyone to kill the zombies, and then everyone makes fun of her.

Let's find out. We're real close to the end. Alright. The zombies then made it through into our room. One positive thought is that when the zombies rip into Jennifer, the gas inside Jennifer's belly will be released and kill the zombies off. I don't think that's how farts work. It didn't have to be this way, though. Well, the gas exists.

It has to go somewhere, right? Okay. But like a fart. Yeah, but a fart is not... What? Okay. There my hand. My labor! We don't know what's in these tablets, so it could be...

It's Wolfenstein. If you shoot him in the hand, he's just like, oh, my hand. Exactly. It didn't have to be this way, though, if Jennifer had just farted. Wow. Wow. Wow. It just hits you right here, you know.

Jack, can you read the response by Millionaire Manny? Yeah. Laughing him. Yo, what's up? It's Millionaire Manny! Laughing emoji, laughing emoji, laughing emoji. Thank you. Yay! Yay! Hey, Portax. Yeah.

In the end of the document here, Vampire Software has put together a list of titles. Ooh! Do you think you could take all of these titles here? Oh, I can do it. I can do it. Thank you. I believe. Okay, great.

I think you can. So, yeah, a list of just various other works by Short Story 1. Number one, lists are terrifying. True. Yep. My five-year-old boy committed genocide and now wants his Batman toy that I promised him. What's that part of the arrangement?

Listen, okay, all you have to do is commit genocide and I'll give it back. Marlo doesn't care anymore that his wife is quirky. I definitely thought that said Mario. I'm addicted to smoking fingers. On the grill?

Yeah, I don't know. The robot keeps asking my daughter to take off her makeup. I have to do a lap dance for a bunch of statues. That's pretty hot. Okay, I like that. i'm just picturing the youtube thumbnails for all of these my wife and son some asshole i have to do a lap dance for robots all right someone definitely has to make all those my wife and son cannot function properly

in life without seeing me in a dress every morning. Seems like you're working something out there today. I drank a weird energy drink. That one seems a little personal. Finally, at the age of 25, I get to see what I look like. It's only poisonous if you don't eat it.

Yeah. Hello, I'm trying to scam you. Okay, that's all right. Definitely keep them in. It's a new, I like this approach. I think that would exist in real life, though. You know what, actually, even better, if someone could make R.L. Stine goosebumps covers

of all of these, that would be great. Oh, I do, yeah, yeah, yeah. The painting that... So many people dying of fright. The painting that doesn't like being stared at. That is an R.L. Stine. See, that's an R.L. Stine. That's exactly an R.L. Stine. I am a 40-year-old man and my mother is still giving birth to me.

Oh, dear. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Listen, I know it. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Listen, I know it won an Oscar, but I am not watching this David Cronenberg movie.

That's from a different website. Can't turn a demon into a housewife. Now, that's an 80s comedy maker right there. I went to a place and I was terrified because it had no rules! Well, that's, yeah, that's Mr. Beast. My wife is so controlling, she always wants me to stab her.

Every time I come home, my wife says she's dead. People come to me because I'm the worst therapist in the world. My girlfriend keeps getting angry at me People come to me because I'm the worst therapist in the world. Okay. My girlfriend keeps getting angry at me because I am not replying to her Ouija board messages. Like she's dead and he's not. I mean, that's kind of funny.

It's kind of funny. Let's see how that goes. It's funny. Is this a Ouija board? That's why he's not answering. A woweg board. I murdered my son because he got me a present that I actually wanted for my birthday

see that's a twist normally you would murder your son for not getting you the present you want you got it for Christmas instead I'm a just stop oil activist and I threw oil at a cursed painting am I the answer

okay well that's a creepypasta then and I threw oil at a cursed painting. Am I the answer? Okay, well, that's a creepypasta then, right? Like, you're protesting oil, so you throw the oil at the painting. These are all creepypastas. Yeah, and then the painting comes to life. Oh, see? Good. Ghostbusters, too.

I help people with their fear of paying bills. Terrifying. We are the immigrants and we belong in western societies. I don't know how that figures in anything. Next. Fast forward, skip. Don't include that one. That's bad. Don't kiss

your love robots during winter. Which I did check. Oh! Otherwise you'll stick to them like in a Christmas story Yeah I checked it out and that is the story Okay okay like it like it Yep yep yep You'll shoot your dick out Now you see Christmas story

We're gonna have to take you to Dr. Mindhand You know he's terrible I love being spied on by the government. He's one of them. That's not me. That's not me saying that. I'm only okay with it. My wife's employees are not going to get bonuses this year

because of me. Like, meh! He's a real Reddit person. I am a doctor and I have managed to That might be a real Reddit post. I'm a doctor, and I've managed to cure a form of racism. I'm going to click that one. All right, all right. That's a Salon.com article. Is it with bumper stickers?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just put Coexist on the back. Bang. Gone. You're welcome. That one has a comment that says, I had yeah yeah yeah I just put coexist on the back bang gone you're welcome oh that one has a comment that says

I'm not sure if it was your intention or not but this came off as very racist apologist uh oh uh oh and then short story

says no the story's about a fucked up doctor who went crazy like literally went batshit insane maybe he didn't mean to cure that form

of racism. It was a different form of racism. This person made the mistake of thinking short story one had a message in any of his stories. The message is I am short story one and I am posting stories. I had to keep proving to a man that he hasn't murdered my family.

He just kept saying sorry. Alright, that's kind of... I keep winning money on the most strangest lottery ever. Okay. And finally, my family always let the monsters in the forest do the voting for us. Oh, okay. So that's like a where the wild things are kind of situation? Maybe.

We'll see if the... Okay. Okay, wait, wait, wait. That story starts, the first sentence is, okay, my family are rich, and with us being rich, we can do a lot more activities than the average person. It's true. That's true. And then it ends with, it looks like we're all going out to a cafe for breakfast my father told us and somewhere within the five paragraphs short paragraphs i suppose monsters

are involved in some capacity i guess like if you if by a lot of activities you mostly just mean polo then yes i mean obviously creamy cream and in the response to my family always let the monsters in the forest do the voting for us, CreamyKids420 in the comments sort of summarizes by saying, Wow, that's fucked! Well done! Perfect.

Yeah, so what did we learn from this nothing we are now dumber that's fucked well done i like like the great thing of the about the internet is that uh is that we get like uh thousands and thousands of theater sturgeons but without the talent yes oh my god yes absolutely yeah yeah it's reaffirmed to me that i can just kind of write whatever the hell i want you know yeah you can oh it's always been true yeah okay people will like it on reddit oh that's my mistake people said anything about this game people don't like anything on reddit they like commenting yeah they like their own comments. You go on Reddit to not like things.

They like those terrible pun threads. They do. The uplifting thing about this is that you really can't just post because the perfect story or novel or movie or whatever in their own head is always better than whatever actually exists out there. So they'll tell you, you know, I'm a great movie director. It's like, well, have you made any movies? No, but trust me, they'd be

better than what's out there. But like, this doofus posts, it even says in the description, this guy posts the same stories to multiple different subreddits he wants to share he is desperate to create and share and you know what that's great keep keep doing it yeah yeah you all out there do that too i don't care i was saying a new story every day but it's more than that like like White's more than a story every day. Multiple stories.

Two a day, sometimes more. Four, five a day. Like you said, he deletes several, apparently. He's still trying. He's still trying out there. He's still going for it. I think that's great. I guess I also learned that there are like 50

different subreddits that are just creepypasta subreddits. Well, the other ones are doing it wrong. Yeah. there are like 50 different subreddits that are just creepypasta subreddits. Well, yeah. Well, the other ones are doing it wrong. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, like the moderator got kicked off. So like, fuck that community. Yeah.

Yeah. I, I, and the other thing too is like, is like, okay. So obviously it's not like short story. One can write at all. I mean, he can write

yeah of like narrative or verbs uh verbs seem to escape this person uh but like as we read through the stories like you get so overwhelmed by it that you start sort of writing your own stories yeah it's great yeah That are kind of clever. Yeah, it's perfect. So it's like, is there something about Short Story 1 that actually is not a good writer? Definitely not a good writer. But is there something that's good

about Short Story 1's premise? Or is it just general shotgun approach? He's the true idea guy. He comes up with the idea and other people flesh out the idea to something awesome. It's not the writing that's compelling. It's the love of writing that's compelling. Yeah.

Yeah. I just see that there's a bunch of posts that are like, the consensus is that short story one is using AI because all the stories are like this. And then he just jumps in and is like, nope, wrote it myself. Do you approve? I don't? He does that almost every day. He has to jump in and be like, nope, I'm a real person.

I don't think it's AI. If it's AI, this is way better AI than everyone else has. The only way this would be AI is if it was trained on short story one stories. Which is enough content for that to work. The only way this would be AI is if it was trained on short story one stories. Not a bad idea. Which is enough content for that to work. He's using AI.

He just puts in the prompt of, like, write this story with this premise. Make writing very, very bad. No worse. No worse. Achilles, what did you say? The last leak in the subreddit? Yeah. Yeah, like you're saying idea guy, like generally I don't like it at all when somebody comes up to me and says I have an idea for a website. Oh, definitely.

You don't like that? Yeah, definitely. But if somebody were to say here is a Google Doc of 500 ideas that I have for a website. I mean, I'm going to read them. And with that quantity, there has to be one I actually enjoy. And he isn't just an idea guy because he's creating things. They're not good, but he's great.

Yeah, he actually puts it out there, which I genuinely do like. I encourage all of you to put out, if you have a shitty story in your head right now, put it out there. I don't care if it's terrible. It can't be worse than this. And even if it is, I want to see it. It don't care if it's terrible it can't be worse than this and even if it is i want to see worse than this it can't be worse than this and you can flesh out the thing with the guns in the shopping mall like there's actually something

in that yeah i want i want i want a 50 chapter manga about the people in the shopping mall pointing the guns at each other maybe you can can skip over Patrick only eating attractive people. That is all the oxygen it needs. He's got all the parts of Lego Castle, and then you look at it and you're like, that's... You're missing a lot of pieces here. I maintain if you're a practical effects person, I bet

you could come up with a good design for Patrick as a monster that eats only attractive people. Can I just read the first paragraph of a story I actually like here? Sure. Okay. The whole community had taken part in the Best Password Competition. It's an exciting competition to be a part of, and I even took part in it. Everybody hoped that their passwords to their emails, bank accounts, and other websites will be enough to win them the Best Password Competition.

The prize is that our identity will be transformed into a handsome individual. And because we are all ugly, we want to be a pretty or handsome individual. Everybody was giving their bank account passwords and their email passwords. The atmosphere was amazing and we all wanted to win and we all knew it was going to be competitive. See? That's great. There's flashes of brilliance in there.

Even if they're completely accidental. The world is a better place because that's in there. I'm just saying. Everyone else can continue. You can all make the world a better place in the same way. And if you're the kind of person that likes making dumb shit you can share it on ball pit that's B-A-L-L-P dot I-T

we make a bunch of dumb shit as well Portex what kind of dumb shit are you making? it's the year of the dragon so I've been drawing different kinds of dragons and posting them in my dragon thread if everyone hearing this right now contribute to the dragon thread I don't care if you can't draw it's a good thread no there's lots of people who can't draw in that thread

And that's great too That's not true I love all the dragons in there But if you listen to this right now If you say you can't draw Even better put your dragon in there Draw a dragon Yeah Okay, bye-bye. Bye. I love a three double gator sentence.