The F Plus - 413: Episode Royale (Without Cheese)

Episode Date: August 19, 2025

So, pretty much every chain restaurant has its own subreddit, and we''re gonna look at at least half a dozen in this episode. From annoying customer complaints to terrible menu ideas to lots of poop problems to conspiracy theories, and even time for poetry at the end, this is really the Rax Salad Bar of F Plus episodes. This week, The F Plus is a purely transactional podcast.

Guys, guys. I have to see what's called the Whopper? It's bigger than regular sandwich. Can I take your order, please? Let's eat to the Vince. A pizza, hot, a pizza, hug. Kentucky and a pizza hub, a pizza hub, a pizza hub. This is the F-plus, a delicious place for terrible things,

red with enthusiasm. In the room tonight, we have boots, rain gear. Hey, Applebee-levers. I was wondering if anyone wanted to come up with a cool way to greet each other when we go to Applebee's. Or maybe a sign we could throw up in the wild so we could show we were both Applebee's fans? Thoughts? Poor Tex! Dear Pizza Hut, I kept shouting at your employees about how I finished naked lunch, and none of you gave me a bucket pin.

John Toast! I thought that the location I went to last time was just a locally owned franchise that decided to shoot themselves in the foot. getting rid of the best sauce. But then I went out of state and it hit me. I think hooters got rid of it. We've got shy tea latte. Apparently I order an NPC burrito. Um, the kid behind the counter grabbed my receipt to make it and when he looked at he order, he snickered and showed his co-worker who also laughed. And lemon. Eat everything at Taco Bell. Like the chairs? Do it, you sim.

The whole damn soda found out. Well, first of all, eat nothing not a Taco Bell. Yes. And secondly, anything that you can see in the meadow is edible. Consume. You could probably take Communion at Taco Bell, right? If you were creative of us. A communion bell.

Yes. Jesus just offended as he gets, you know, transubstantiated into a gordita shell. Oh, what the me. What the Jesus he is? But Jesus has never been flaming a hot before. He might. That's what Jesus says. What the meat.

Yeah. Hey, I'm not Jesus. I don't say what he says. I'm just a messenger. He's got a good point. We're not the one saying. Jesus is the one said that. Does he turn the water to Baja Black?

Hey, F-plus. Hi, Lemon. Hello, Lemon. Hey, hey, are you all hungry? No, I just do a lot? Yeah. I'm not. I'm hungry for knowledge.

Thanks for reminding me. I'm going to leave. Bye. Oh, no, come back. Oh, yeah, this is the F-Eat podcast. Yeah, yeah. Just finally. I mean.

Yeah, you know, this will be the one time on the, Plus, we talk about feet. So I'm here. What are you thinking? What are you thinking? Where do you want to go? Where do you want to go? Well, you know, there's a lot of interesting places like where I am, you know, like local eateries.

And, you know, like there's an Indian place down the street. But I was really, really hoping for a shitty chain restaurant. There we go. Okay, fantastic. I was going somewhere. You know, you just, you know, let it happen. Jokes don't need timing. You need to get the punchline right here, right now.

We're going to be reading a document provided to us by the lizard. Nice, the lizard. Thank you. Yeah. So this one is, this one's called chain restaurants on Reddit. Oh, no. One thing that the lizard noticed recently is there is a subreddit for almost any chain restaurant you can think of. And so we are actually going to be starting this thing, this episode off.

on an unusual tip we're going to start this thing off and portex to start out this episode I have a choice for you already oh wow exactly

yeah yeah yeah yeah okay your choice Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts I think it's time to make the donuts okay it's time to make the donuts so if you will read the very first

post here from the R slash Duncan Donuts section. All right. I am super zanky. Super duper. I posted this three years ago, but I'm still thinking about it. Duncan employee

said, damn, that's a lot of cream to my order. Damn, that's a lot of cream. Did they push down their sunglasses while they said that? Oh, yeah. Now, will this make me happy or upset? I guess we'll have to read.

If I was to find out, my standard order is a large iced coffees with 10 French vanilla and 10 cream. Okay, all right, that's every time. That's every time. Do you nap in the Starbucks afterwards? I just sort of dunk my head into it like a shampoo. Is this like off white or eggshell? Like, for, wait, how much, how much liquid is that? like 10 french vanilla and 10 cream

it's a small coffee and a large cup they do describe it as a large iced coffees I love it by the bucket so maybe that is a lot but anytime I get less than that it's a gamble on if they actually if it's actually made properly so 10 is the number

I've found that is just enough for me. Very important to you. Yeah, and they refused to pour it over me out of a giant canister like I'm a coach at a football team. Every day I'm hoping David Letterman is there to ask me if I want to stick my head under the soda machine and every day it never happens. So 10 is the number I found that is just enough for me. I prefer it on the sweet side anyway.

Oh, do you? Do you? The sweet side. That's savory. I need it sweeter. Well, 10 cream could have 10 sour cream. We don't know with this first.

How? There's no way to know. It's one thing to say that when a customer can't hear you, but her mic was still on, so I heard it. Edit, my point wasn't to argue

that it's not a lot of cream. I actually said that it was. You said maybe it was. Excuse me, you said perhaps that it was. The fact that you said maybe that it was means the rest of Reddit, yes, did have to say no, no. It actually is. It's not a possibility. My point is that it Duncan made their drinks more consistently like Starbucks does.

I will be able to get their normal drinks with no modifications like I used to. the normal 10 sugar 10 cream 10 french vanilla I love I always love like I mean usually it's read it now but used to be like any foreign post someone will just say something stupid and outlandish something to go back in that and be like no no no you guys got it wrong I'm not the weirdo here

I'm complaining about somebody else maybe you all didn't notice that's what the internet's for I was doing a little bit of napkin math here assuming that it was Tarani syrup that they're using and oh no 10

servings of of French vanilla would be the equivalent to a two-liter bottle of Mountain Dew. Yeah. Oh, hell yeah. Sugar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, at this point, you're basically just grabbing one of those, like,

coffee-mate things you get at the grocery store and just popping that open and guzzling it. Like, I like it on the sweet side. I just want to get water boarded by a lot. Also, you're adding, you're writing like a stick of butter worth of fat to it as well from the cream, so.

The larchus Yeah, see Yeah, just at this point Just have a can of condensed milk And a thing of vegetable oil And like one in each hand And then just guzzle that Like skip the middle man

But can you still And a crock pot like Mormons do You still walk into the Dunkin' Donuts And just kick the door down And do that in front of it And then complain and then leave What do you got toast? Oh, I'm not toast

I'm sirens and spells Oh, hello And I have a question for you all. Are the refreshers safe from giving you toilet problems asking for a friend? The refreshers? Toilet problems. Yes, the refreshers. I'm going to look for Dunkin Refreshers.

It's a Dunkin product. So I think the refreshers were like basically like the like mixed fruit drinks. It was like basically it's like, hey, you're going into Dunkin' Donuts but you don't want coffee. So get one of these. Sort of like, it's like a smoothie, I think. Or like a very sweet tea. Oh, like those McDonald's sweet tea. Sure.

Okay. Are they safe from? So they're asking for a friend who is still 18 days ago is still in the toilet, I guess. I love a little caffeine on the weekends. But since my nearest competing coffee shop is closed for renovations, I swapped to Duncan because I loved their butterpacon frozen coffees. Okay. But, oh my God, it does not agree with my body. I think it's the caffeine, the amount of caffeine, or the acidity of it.

Not sure. Please, someone enlighten me. Are the refreshers safe? Does the caffeine and those sent you flying to the toilet? Wee! My digestive system has some questions for me lately. Mostly, why do I keep putting it through? this crying

emoji is the only yes yes yes what's wrong with you oh we don't have enough time sorry sorry I thought you were done it's the only

I wasn't finished I'm still talking about the root problems I'm talking about my bowel movements I'm talking about my bowel movements It's the only coffee shop Whose coffee does this to me And it may finally be the reason

I actually quit for a healthier habit Well, there you go That's a solution Well, I do, I do have an update I do have an update for you all I solved the problem A lovely little commenter has informed me That the butter pecan swirls have milk

Hey yo, I'm SlackSS Yeah, what's up SlackS Yeah Butter Pecan Crunch has me shit for days Yeah Thank you. You tell him, brother. Thanks for the one-up vote.

No problem. But you see, I'm lactose intolerance and I always swap the dairy out of my coffees, but I had like eight swirls. It was having some effects. What? Okay. Okay. Okay, so you know your lactose intolerant.

Oh, my jeez. Yeah, put a lot of that milky thing in there. It's making me shit a lot. I wonder why that is. Guys, I'm allergic to morphine, but I keep taking DeLonoff. I got it. Help. Oh, okay. If you kept taking...

Oh, boy. Well, I was thinking... I was thinking of asking, does this have milk in it or not? But what I actually said was, load me up, motherfucker. Really?

Did you cope? Does it go to the... This does have milk in it. Like, are you asking if it does? No, no, no. That's not a question. This does have milk in it. Pull out a gallon and just pour it on it.

Hey, uh, hey, Chai. Oh, yeah. You went to the IHOP and, you know it. Yeah, you had some all-you-can-eat pancakes. I'm Tesla Model 3 owner 88. Wow, fuck off. Fuck right off. Fuck all the way off.

I bet it's 88 miles per hour, like in the back to the feet. No, it's because it's good luck. Oh, no. It's sad that that meaning for that number is the, like, ideal portion of that number. Yeah. We live in the best timeline. You fucking lame ass piece of shit Okay, sorry

Sorry, here I was calling you lame You haven't even talked about yourself No, no, no, no, no, no, I go to IHop Okay, that's right I'm not lame Manipus Um, I Hop all you can eat pancakes Scam

Um, 23 days ago I hop all you can eat pancakes More like all you can take You just passed out on the ground In a coma It's like no, technically someone else to get a plunger and shove a few more down into my throat. I mean, like, that means the same thing, but sure, whatever, okay.

By take, I mean the rudeness. My nine-year-old son, Leonard and I, went to E-Hop at 4 a.m. And he ordered the all-you-can-eat pancakes because they're affordable. Why was your 9-year-old son up and hungry at 4 a.m.? Were you still on the come down from the drugs? You were doing junk all night? Okay. Linerd stay out of the riddlein.

So he ordered the all you can eat pancakes. Eyes have not closed for six hours. I, however, as an adult, had the kid's chicken fingers. Overpriced. Not sure how a kid could be satisfied with that trash. It's almost like they don't have the distinguishing towel letters. They're chicken fingers. The more he asked for more pancakes, the more annoyed our waiter got.

He brought out five at first, but then four and three and two, and then only brought out two for about three times. How many fucking pancakes can your nine-year-old son eat? Is he hooked up to the Pipsis Pigs machine? What the fuck is going on? That sums up to 20 pancakes, so. Oh, I'm sorry. My nine-year-old son, I mean, my nine-year-old son is a dog.

So I hear you like pancakes, huh? We'll have all the pancakes in the world. The golem that I forged nine years ago. It worked on Pinocchio. So the more he asked for more pancakes, the more annoyed our waiter got. Can you believe it at 5 a.m. too. What a day, hole. I cannot believe my experience here, and I will not be returning.

This place is a joke, literally. I'm sure all the workers there are like, oh, no, they won't come back. Oh, you're not coming back, yeah. Yeah, after the generous tip he didn't leave. Yeah. Deleted by user. I'm sure they, I'm sure they got made fun of two. I'm sure there's a whole thread of like, what the fuck are you?

I paid $3 for 25 pancakes, and I'm mad at you. Shut up. my name's XX fandom underscore lovers Oh hell yeah What fandom are you in fandom lover Just out of curiosity I hop Alright good answer

My potato soup Oh no what about your potato soup What happened to your potato soup? Where the fuck is it Where the fuck did they put it Please tell me this is temporary I got a real bad craving for it Used to be my favorite

Where is it? My name's a Furns 76-717. It's permanent. Hate to be the bearer of bad news. No! Hey, Reddit, is this a good place for dating advice? Oh, definitely, absolutely.

Obviously. Well, everyone on this website is, like, having very healthy, like, sexual relationships. Is that accurate? With pancakes? Yes. Well, the... Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Cool. Yeah, so what's your name? Uh, yeah, my, um, my, my, my name is, uh, you slash crywanker posers. Huh. Uh, they're not true, uh, sadcore, or sad core, is that what this called? Um, anti-folk, apparently. No.

Yeah, I remember, I remember them from the aesthetics wiki. Cry wank. Anyway, so, uh, my question. is a date, yes or no? No. Circle one and pass it back if you wouldn't mind? No.

Wow, this visual novel is easy. Shit. Just because it worked on Riverdale doesn't mean you can do it. Okay, you chose no. So turn to page. I guess you're done. All right.

I guess your adventure book was way back in the 80s. She was my adventure. Okay, hello. So here's my first sentence. Hello. So. Gotcha.

Well, fine sentence. Thank you. I have been flirting with this girl from my Taekwanto dojo for a couple weeks, and I finally decided to ask her out. She said yes, that's the good part. All right. Okay. Okay. Here's the bad part, semicolon.

I may have now made a big fool of myself. When I called IHop to make the reservation. Oh, uh-huh Uh-huh. Oh, yes, table for two, please. What the fuck are you talking about? I checked open table and you guys weren't there. So when I called IHOP to make the reservation,

I forgot to tell the employee that it was a date. Oh, God, this is, okay, this is adorable. Am I going to get in trouble if I bring a girl on a date? into the IHOP? No, it's going to agree. Do it. Okay. It's the IHop in Little Rock, Arkansas, if that matter. Oh, you're from Arkansas?

Wow, that's a big surprise. It's the only thing to do in Little Rock. I mean, having been in Little Rock multiple times, yes, you are correct. Well, I'm a Canadian, and I only know one thing about Little Rock, and this seems better than that. If it helps, I can just

pretend she is my sister. No bad. Because I'd honestly rather just remain friends than re-book. I mean, you're in Arkansas, so that wouldn't actually turn as many heads as the thing. Yeah, I wouldn't even bet mine. I wish I were mostly joke. Waiter's like, yeah, I get it. Now, I picture the person who got that call on the other end.

It's like a slow day at I hop, and somebody calls you, it's like, Um, like the international house to pick, oh, can I set a reservation? And it's like, wow, this will kill a good 15 minutes. This will be fun. Yes, sir. Oh, I think I can pencil you in at 715. I couldn't find one at the Waffle House. Did I reach the international house or merely it's gazebo? It's international to the man of the world here. You want to look very traveled. Well, you want your syrup sparkling or still? Partax, can you take the one response to this? The one of the shots, uh, yes. A good username.

It's a real good username. A good username, all right, then. Get this loaded. Come on, ready, you got this. Yeah. What's your name? What's your name? I'm salty meat bowl sack.

Salty meat bowl sack. Salty meat bowl sack. Uh, I'd say, that's a good sound of date. Uh, good luck with it all. Funny enough. Uh, I just got my yellow bit and taekwondo today. Wow. Hi-five, bro.

Salty meat bowl sack. I punched an eight-year-old in the face and took it. All right, consensus, yes. Yeah, good idea. Yeah, yeah, 100% of responses. Yeah. John Toast. Yeah.

Here we are on R slash Waffle House. Oh, hell yeah. Oh, shit. Yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. Fist fights are brewing. Get ready for the next battle. What does radical cars think of Waffle House?

Hey, I'm radical cars, and I just love. of Waffle House. I'm going there since before I knew that what the hell was a no-no word, six-year-old. Huh? It is a very good place for good price and I like coming to this sub to watch people with their Waffle House.

It is so cool to be instantly transported to the American South like this. I'm not as much of a parody as you think. Waffle House All-Star combo is the greatest deal in the South. All this good breakfast goodness for less than $10? Hell yeah. I can say hell now since I'm older. Oh, no, you may not.

No, no, no, no, no. Man, I'll never stop going to Waffle House. I know that some Waffle House always have some fucked-up shit in them. Like robberies and parking lot. And gang wars and drug cartels. Yeah, that's why I love going to Waffle House. Yeah, you get dinner and a show. Yeah.

Great. Scattered, smothered, and covered, but it's the people in the store. But Waffle House is in almost every single town in Georgia. You can't escape the house. You can't escape Waffle House. Can't escape the house. It always seems to be this one Waffle House that had all the trouble. If it's the same one, I'll probably never go to that, so I don't risk getting shot.

But I'll go to any other Waffle House. I got it. Oh, I see. I see. I don't go to the dirty Waffle House. I mean, you just can't stop going. The Waffle, the house is named after, is truly something else. Oh, come on.

The Waffle at the Waffle House is pretty good. Yeah, yeah, it's a completely different experience every time. Yeah. It's somehow. It's not like the toaster waffles that are. hard and crunchy, but it's soft and creamy with the butter. This is just lucky from King of the Hill now

I'm going to take it. It is. Oh, my God. He bought that waffle with his BP money. I actually think Waffle House had some geniuses on their side when making the system that Waffle House revolves

around. I'm just getting more cartoonishly Southern as I go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't tell. Well, he's shooting guns in the air as he says this. Golly. You sit at the bar or table and then order like normal.

However, you get all that food out so fast. It's crazy when you think how the place can be full and that small little cooking area seems like you can prepare about 15 meals in under 10 minutes. Truly magical this place is. The food was so fast.

There's got to be a word for this. Speedy provisions. Rapid meal. This guy seemed pretty pure, though He just loves the little things in life You get a little off my house with his food He's happy Boots you better patent that's a rapid meal idea

I think Elon's gonna patent it himself Every tech bro is gonna invent it in a better If there'd be like an app or something that makes you Yeah well so this is called the rapid meal It's for people that make less than $300,000 a year It's served by robots controlled by people chicken in the bank If it were Elon, it would be called

an MRA meal ready to anticipate. That's so true. I hate it. So the first time I ever ate at a waffle house was in Columbus, Ohio. And, you know, a bump girl and I, we went in, we sat down, we got our

menus, and a guy walked in, ran in towards the counter, like leaned over the counter and tried to punch one of the waitresses in the face. And then the rest of the waitresses just sort of throwing everything at them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's like knives, forks, the napkin dispensers. And I was, and I was just like, this was all happening, like, like, five feet away from me. And it's like, I'm just like, this is the best place. And you're like, yeah, you have to come back every chance I get. It's so cool to go to America, right? Yeah. Boots, as somebody who regularly went to the local waffle house

while I was in high school. We call that a slow night. Only one guy showed up doing that. Hey, Chai, can you tell me your idea for a new sandwich? Absolutely. Sure. My idea for a new sandwich is for McDonald's. This is an our McDonald's.

I'm user-deleted account. This has zero points. Speaking the truth. Here's an idea I had for a new item. McDonald's, since the McChicken is really good, and appears to be popular, and the chicken McNuggets have always been popular. How about the chicken McNuggets sandwich? That's a McChicken.

Yeah, you just, okay, no, go ahead, go ahead, go ahead. No, I want the tiny bun on a bunch of, like, a four pieces of, like, oh, like little sliders, little tiny sliders. Sliders and there are the four different shapes. Oh, the buns are the four different shapes, too. The buns are in the boot. Oh, that would actually be delightful. Listen to this.

It could be one large chicken nugget. Okay, they put on a bun. That's a McChicken. Like a normal chicken sandwich would be, but it would taste like a chicken McNugget. See, see boots? Okay, so It looks like somebody didn't think this through This salt as opposed to

That salt So instead of mayo or ketchup Put honey mustard on it Or hot mustard or sweet and sour I think this would be an awesome idea And sell it for a great price Like $1.50, $2 And McDonald's would make so much money

My name is Black Guy 981 That sounds like something I would never eat but nice idea I'm going to be honest Hi, I'm McDie kid Yeah, what's up? I've made sandwiches with chicken nuggets

And they aren't really anything great I mean coming from the McDee kid No, don't tell me that I like my version better You just didn't do it like corporate would have That's where they were deleted corporate Took them out Toast

Do you think you can tell me about the best McDonald's ever? Oh, I would love to tell you about the best McDonald's. Yeah, okay, great. My name is C.M. Klippling. Okay, all right. And I want to tell you about the best McDee's ever might be due to aliens.

Okay. Okay, this has the customer rave flare. This is going to sound stupid. Yes. Oh, there's more of the... Yay! Oh, weird, there's more words out of this, huh? Okay, but since that description fits 99% of what I say in life, I don't care.

We have fun here. I've had to commute for various projects around the country and have frequently had the West Coast to each coast watch a day disappear route, the one where you get on a plane in the morning and end up landing at freaking late o'clock when everything is shut down for the night. So, travel. One such commute involves six months of the back-and-forth travel, Between a city, I shan't name in California, and Manchester, New Hampshire. And typically, with no connections, the plane usually got in at 11 p.m.

Why can't you say the name of the city? Because Walt will come back and get him. He's already, like, basically doxed himself. He might as well go all the way. After renting a car, mapping out the route out of town, I was always too late for things like stopping at a grocery store, but what do you know, right? On the highway on ramp was a McDee. You're kidding.

Holy shit. Off the highway, a McDonald? I hate their nine to five hours at the grocery store. Okay, I know it's hard to believe, but picture this. Whoa! On an off ramp on a highway, the fast food right by it. Now, I know it just blew your mind. I mean, you have to stop.

That opportunity is not going to happen again. I've got to be telling my grandkids about this. Where I would order a fish filet meal to munch on during my 30-minute commute. I've thought about this for a while, and I've come to believe they were not so much a fast food restaurant as they were alien anthropologists studying the human race.

Oh, it's kicking in. No, you're stupid. It's kicking in. Hear me out. Hear me out. It's Hamish. He's back. Hamburger-mish. Why would they study through McDonald's? Because the aliens saw the McDonald's everywhere. And like, this must be a holy site of some sort.

We need to check this out. Oh, if you're at this point of the high, we've got to put on orbitals somewhere out there, parts one and two. Now is the perfect time. Very, very, very good. The ancient Egyptians actually said that McDonald's pointed directly at the Orion constellation. Which is all of them? Yeah. Okay, sure.

Yeah. Hear me out. Jokes about the nutritional value aside, and bearing in mind, it's been a few years since I was last there, but that place, the holy grail of McDee's. I worked at a fast food restaurant in high school, and late-night customers weren't always welcome or given high-quality or any quality food. These guys, though, they always treated me like they had been waiting there all night

just for the honor of serving me. The fish filet they made was perfect every single time. Hot, because they put it in the good part of the microwave. Hot, fresh. The perfect balance of tartar sauce To sandwich Wait, but you put the tartar sauce on What are you talking about?

It's a team effort here Okay He's the sous chef They inspired him They set him up to succeed She's perfectly centered Not running lopsided down One part of the sandwich

Oh, much like myself The fries were beautiful too Piping hot Salted to a level Gordon Ramsey would have problems criticizing. Gordon Ramsey, famous McDonald's fan. And the soda was never of the no

syrup watery mess because let the day shift do it themselves type. Oh, no. That's a good phrase. You have opinions about third shift staff. At McDonald's. Yeah. I really cannot emphasize enough. I don't know about that.

How good these guys were. I probably stopped there. But I'm about to try. I'm pretty sure you could reach a limit. To make a short story long, sandwich good, yes? I probably stopped there 10 to 15 times during the project time frame and never received anything but the world's most perfect fish fillet meal. Holy shit.

Wow. If I had opened the bag and had a gold glow pour out with angels singing, it would be on par for the service and food. Okay. Does your McDonald's wallet look like a bitch? Hey, you know what they call a fish filet in France? A fish filet. Yeah, it's not that interesting.

Le fish fillet. Poisson Royale. I've had more than my fair share of crap meals or services from various McD's locations, most recently from the one that asked me when I was ordering my breakfast meal if I meant that I wanted bacon from a pig or bacon from a ham.

And don't get me started on the inability of S-Bucks. That's what I call Starbucks. Employees correctly making my soy-based drink with soy instead of the agony-inducing milk my body isn't willing to process. More people talking about Pellipa lot. Are you paying extra for soy milk? If you're not, they're not gonna...

No, I'm not asking for it. I shouldn't have to. They shouldn't know. It's just been puzzling to me. Nothing is always perfect. I just can't believe they were regular McD's. It's just too improbable. A real McDees would have F-fucked

and up my order at least once. Wow. To never screw it up. I don't buy it. You do buy it. You buy it all the time. But I don't... No, he steals it, no words.

It's the, it's the, the Ray Fines movie The Menu, except for it takes place to McDonald's. Their tell is, in my opinion, the thing that they didn't realize was giving themselves away

is that they were too good. I am pretty sure nobody will read this or care, or if they do, they'll focus on telling me my fat ass would be better off eating real food instead of drunk, which I agree 100% so suck it trolls What? What was any of that sentence?

I'm not insecure, you're insecure. Got me. Thinking on it, I think they must have been a secret cabal of aliens disguising themselves as Mickey's workers, trying to study those most unpredictable and outrageous of animals, humans.

It's the only thing that makes sense? You're so quirky, I just can't. stand it. Hey, if you like that, I've got a tight five on an airline food that'll get your, knock your socks off. Please do. However, I'm curious to know of my theory about the perfect aliens can be corroborated by others. The joke is so quirky and fun that he has to two more paragraphs. Hang on.

Isn't it silly that I'm calling them aliens as a compliment? Hang on, hang on, hang on. I just got to work, need that, though, a little bit more. I learned comedic responsibility from Saturday Night Live. If it's funny once, oh, boy, is it funny for 18 more minutes? That's 18 times the comedy. And you know what? What up with that?

Should I keep going? I mean, it just goes on like this. Well, there's one sentence I really would like you to read, which. Which is, where did that go? It may be. It may even be that I myself was taken to the mothership, and my view of the perfect McDee's is just an implant. Either way, I cannot find another explanation for this phenomenon.

This is, like, the polar opposite of the guy that was screaming about how much he hated different apples. I love McDonald's so much that I'm going to be silly about it. Oh, this is like his counterpart, like online, like there was the angry, Nintendo nerd, so like somebody became the happy video game nerd. So it's like, the happy McDonald's nerd. Stop Hambers for fighting guy, yeah. Yeah, yes, exactly.

Like, that guy was, the Apple guy was Danny DeVito and you're Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, and it's twins, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, we're coming up with a better movie for our sock puppets, yes, yes, yes, yes. Ivan Reitman, take notes.

Hey, um, hey, F-plus, um, I just want to, I mean, it's okay that you're here, but this is actually just a message for Burger King. I am the Burger King, actually. I've got the mascot and everything. The King is listening. Go ahead. You can send this to the Burger King.

Okay, great. So I'm Liam. And your employees made my feelers hurt. Oh, there's the alien. Damn it. He was right all along. I have been a huge fan of your food since I was a kid. Why?

How? Because that's how the marketing works. They get you when you're a kid and you feel nostalgic. There's nothing worse than Burger King. They actually have a pretty good veggie burger, but. Sloth eyes. Just a message for Burger King, okay? I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I've always been treated well. I've always been treated well. And I've never had this happen with any person, let alone staff at a service business. I really hope it's they don't have enough of the paper crowns. I'm a white guy. The police are so nice. Listen, I pre-read this one, and it's worse than that. It's really pretty bad.

Do you tell? Yeah. Okay, I've never had this happen. On Saturday night, March 30th, I ordered a double woper with cheese and two original chicken sandwiches. I ordered through the drive-thru. At a specific location in Bellevue, Nebraska, Bellevue, Nebraska, so you need to know that. Oh, that built you.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't explain anything Okay, so This is Oh, God, I Okay, no, you can get to this Hand on shoulder, you've got this.

You're among friends. You're valid. We're here to support you. I don't believe I received my receipt. Oh, my God. Oh, no. No. No.

Jesus, what? How do you even know you ate a meal? Guys, guys, I don't, I'm sorry. I hate to do this. I know we're like 30 minutes. I don't know if I can keep recording. Okay. I understand.

It's just too much. Sometimes you just can't get asked. You just take a mental health day. Okay, okay. I'll just find my center. Okay. Don't you look at me. in all fairness

I could have thrown it away after realizing I got the order wrong when I got home like 20 minutes away maybe don't believe that about yourself don't give up on yourself yeah no that's that's like real blame the victim mentality

I called right away okay I called right away and I spoke with a gentleman manager is a top hat in the head of he admitted his mistake. Yes. And said I could...

Verily, I do prostrate myself before you. I'm like the disgrace. His monocle actually flew out, literally. I say... This will not do. My word. And said I could come by the next day and my name would be taken down. He didn't send a car?

What the fuck? The next day, I came in around 1130. I told Eric the manager at the time about what had happened and my name should be jotted down he then proceeded to ask me if I had my receipt I did not I told him my name was taken down again

by the manager from the night before he then proceeded to I assume look for said note after waiting by the counter he kept tapping his pocket his pockets effectively, right? Like,

I don't, where is it? I just, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Like that. Kiss you're out like five bucks.

Sorry. So after waiting by the counter, heard him and the other employees calling me a choosing beggar. This just keeps getting worse and worse.

I can't take it. The rap scallions. some dare do wells they must have assumed I was out of ear shot I also thought I seen a worker take a photo of me because you were trying to climb over the counter

and they kill them well I mean certain certain crimes are justified to this I walked out about as mad as I've ever been that's right I've never been madder there's no injustice

Everybody's ever wronged me more than this. Oh, my God. That must be nice. Yeah. No, it's terrible. Look at how unbalanced I am. Look at how difficult it is for me to cope with simple shit. This is the kind of person where if you try to talk to them seriously about something like a horrible thing a politician or a pundit did, then the most they do is just go, ha-ha, their hair looks funny, and they just shrug and walk off.

That didn't happen to me. Yeah, not my problem. Children in cages, I'm not in a cage. The man who said he wanted to put children cages has a funny name. Tee-hee. I just buy the food with all the money I have. Okay, I was brought up to sleep on these emotions and wait a day or two before doing anything rash, like posting on Reddit. He's totally shot up this

Burger King. After talking with my friends and family, we decided to contact you via social media to resolve this issue, which is what I believe I'm doing at this moment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now you're taking it up a level. I am more than upset with Eric and his employees.

I suggest possible retraining since my friends said my friends, my friends who are numerous. They said, oh yeah, that whole day shift are a bunch of dicks. His words, but you can see there are shared opinions about this door.

Feel free to message me back, thank you. Well, no, no, thank you, Mr. Gallagher. I gotta make my own fucking I can't wait till the tape about this argument hits the top of the charts Rockstar's got to put our own fucking tartar sauce on Shut the fuck up that's good that Used to be an old bloke to put my tartar sauce on One more from our slash burger

King and Hey Boots, what's the post that R slash Burgers doesn't want me to see? Oh, yeah, yeah. Ooh. I'm

Ken Thurbnik. Sure, maybe. Kentherbnik. The post, R. Burgers, doesn't want you to see thoughts on the Whopper. Oh, God, I hate these

YouTube thumbnails. I like the Wopper. Okay, thanks, Business Insider. Millennials are ruining the whopper No, no, no, can you go on for nine more minutes? Burger King makes the sandwich And a seedy bun with a third pound party

When pound, oh shit, oh shit, Hey, when pound number three hits, oh, fucking shit, man, it's awesome. Tomatoes. It's got tomatoes tomatoes lettuces and mayonnaise I'm adding Quarterpon party the band names list

What was that? Okay And what? Okay yeah We really need to linger on this word And you have to smell Feptiators Burger King makes this sandwich

In a cedey bun with a third pound party Tomatoes and mayonnaise It checked up in mayonnaise and white onion and pickles. Mayer, mayonnaise, and mayonnaise, check different mayonnaise and what?

Now, let's rewind a bit. What is that word again? Cheese costs extra, although it's just a fad. Cheese is? Yeah, it does. You damn kids new cheese. The flavor is intensely smoky.

Even without the cheese are the other variant items, like fried Mexican jalapeno, where you put the Nunez on the onion and you spell ketchup? C-H-E-K-T-U-B. Yeah, that's because they're Mexican jalapinos. Yes.

They indeed did that. Also, why are you just trying to describe a whopper to R-slash burger? They don't want you to know about this. People know what it is. Guys, you know this thing you make it work. I don't want you to know about this sandwich, folks. Sorry, a Mexican al-Peno. I actually think of myself as a burger explorer.

When biting in, your first thought is always, This is... Mmm. This tastes like a whopper, so I should... So I... This tastes like a wopper, so I should continue to eat it and not be upset about the contents. This is fine and dandy for me.

What is my first thought when I bite into a wopper? I'm sorry, what is it that I think when I bite into a wopper? What's your first thought When you bite into a whopper This is a whopper My first thought is Burger King

Has programmed me to love this What is my first thought When I bite into a wopper This tastes like a wopper This tastes like a wopper Yeah Mm Can you see that

Mm-hmm Mm-hmm part again Daddy this is a wopper Once there was this What makes a whopper good is what makes American life so good. It tastes like several things at once. Separated a little bit, but blended two for some milanos and half Asians and what nots. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yeah. Yeah. Man, I like this guy so much now. No, no, no, don't worry. Don't worry.

Don't worry. I am not a bigot. Okay, cool. That's great to know. I think that racial mixing is just fine and limited doses. That's cool. That's super cool. What a cool thing to say.

What of my favorite call girls does a half-Purterican half-matic mix? You're actually progressive. Oh, my God. Just half Puerto Rican and half-American. Jesus Christ. Half-American. Why are we bringing this up in the water? Half-American.

Cortex, you don't understand. I exploit them. She says that Puerto Rico is America, but I don't see a star. They don't ever try to become a state. They've never tried to become a state. Holy suss. So they're just a nasty little colony. I was just so blindsided by the racism.

I forgot that Puerto Rico is part of America. They're not to me. I love the Whopper. Apparently. I like this guy so much. Is this a cool guy? He probably would like you. I love being this guy.

He's cool. The Whopper is good, but it needs to be aware of the chilling effects of globalization, because Chinese knockoffs are everywhere on Amazon and Google. The first image search of the Whopper? I keep ordering the EWopper on Amazon. The Timo Whopper. Yeah, the Timo Wopper. I don't know.

The first image search at Igor, the Wopper Sandwich. The Tyler, the creator album? Like the song? Like what he's talking about? Igor the Whopper sandwich It's a picture of three eggs I'm going to look it up Igor the Wopper sandwich

Hardly the same thing at all If you'd ask me Those Okay yeah it's not Okay Wopper sandwich Chinamen and China women Have done it again

See I might be equal opportunity here Google AI says The Igor Wopper is not a Burger King sandwich First with the bat soup or snakes And what not I got aware of Good phrase Good phrase

Go back to the Cold War War away, don't you? I got... What? Good Lord. They're so cool. You're so cool. What?

I wear a fucking towel on my head to go to get a burger like I'm a Talibon. You're still on red. Fuck this. Yeah. Fuck this is right, man. Yeah. But overall, I feel like the Wopper is an American class. It can't be easily defined.

For a fast food burger or FFB, it's probably the single most recognizable sandwich in the world. And you can't define it? Yeah. Sold in both American, Canada, and other countries, Tuk. I always ordered mine with cheese because it adds significant flavor bites. Now with flavor bites. Here's a list of my favorite whoppers by Rose. The Wopper, the Angry Wopper, the Triple Wopper.

Yee Wopper. Yay, the Yay Wopper Jr. The Yay Wopper. Yeah, Wopper Jr. It's not a YWopper. It's not yay Whopper, Jr. Nope. Thank you.

Yay, Wooper Jr. The double whopper. When McDonald's did the Whopper Jr. The Big End, tasty. I feel like it wasn't as good. Of course it wasn't.

You're a Burger King fan boy. Many places will do a Wopper-style burger, which shows how popular the sandwich is. Ooh. Oh, right. It's that I was a guy. What in? What's a fuck?

That's a Reddit. That was, that's a Reddit. You got to be aware of the chilling effects of globalization on fast food. If we're not careful, this stuff might take over the world. This account is suspended for some reason. The thing is, it's probably not that reason. Hey, Chai, how are things going at your local Chipotle? My local Chipotle is becoming too friendly.

And I want a relationship to be purely transactional. Yeah, where's my parasycial Chipotle? Well, are you esteemed? We're just friends. Are you understand that this is a face-toiled problem? This is a South African accent? Yeah, sorry. Oh, good.

And others may not follow where I'm coming from. So I struggle with social anxiety, so it would be better for me if nobody was nice to me. I have depression, so it would be better if nobody was nice to me. I'm extremely introverted, so it would be better if nobody was nice to me. And I work with customers day in and day out. I don't want to speak on my lunch break. Hence, why I order from Chipotle. Typically four times a week, because I can order online.

Go into the Chipotle and cover your face with your hand and just kind of vaguely point to the menu. I actually have like an Uber Eats guy deliver from the Chipotle to the McDonald's next door. It's worth the feat. You know what? You don't understand.

If I went on break, I would stop making money. I suppose I appreciate that they appreciate me as a regular but shouting at me when I walk in draws attention to me that I do not want.

It's a nice gesture to treat me as a regular and be nice to me, but I don't want you to bring me my bag when I walk in. I still have to go fill my water bottle and grab a fork and napkins. I'm a Anna Bennett woman. It makes me feel awkward to take the bag from you away. If only there was some way to make food yourself in your own home, for cheaper, that you don't have to talk to anybody. Well, I came up with something close.

They'll be like, we never see you anymore. You always order online. Oh, yeah, that is pretty close. Because I want as little human contact as possible. All mine ordering is a blessing. Oh, my God. I hate people. People suck.

Smiling Bunny Rabbit shirt. It's like, uh, I have noticed since discovering Chipoli several years ago. Have you guys heard of this? The employees seem to be very extroverted. Something I have never been or will ever be. Oh, my. Oh, my God.

Whoever taught the internet the words extrovert and introvert needs to be straight. No, hear me out. Does Chipoli somehow push their employees to do these gestures? Are they becoming like Starbucks where your hours will be cut if you don't get to know the customer? I mean, I'm okay. I'm a-okay with my transaction being just that, purely transactional. I don't ever want someone to be nice to me if I didn't pay for it. You're an introvert.

All right, Trixie. Let's talk about your take tonight. Okay, so typing this makes me want to order Chipotle. Oh, my God. Thinking of it makes me want to order Chipotle. I look up with the sky, there's clouds. It looks kind of like a Chipotle. I should have been some Chipotle right now.

But I don't want to deal with all I've mentioned above. You could go to a different Chipotle if you really wanted to. Oh, God. What was that going on? No, they tell each other. You know, as. As somebody who has worked multiple fast food retail jobs when I'm standing there, having worked my ninth hour, my feet are killing me, and like machines are beeping at me and my managers being an asshole. My first thought at that ninth hour when it starts is I really want to spend all my energy making friends with every customer that comes in.

That's my first and only thought. And it's working, but I wish it worked. Well, just probably just her. They're extroverts. They're so annoying. Yeah. They gain energy from social interactions while it sucks mine away. I'm not like the other girls I read books in the corner.

I actually need to recharge by eating a burrito. Toast, what's your other thought? Oh, I have another thought, and I am Mertie Carpenter. Mertie Carpenter. Move back a little. I don't know. Panda! I love you, but...

Yeah. I think about... I think an idol song's about to start. Doodoo do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Panda express! your food. It has great flavor and nice variety of tasty choices, which is something we 100% appreciate.

Do you live in the food court? I have been living in an orange julius for 20 years and they have not got me to leave yet. You can put the rice like on top of your Sabaro. It's so good. I was made a royal night of the food court. It was protected

always. I do have a question slash possible suggestion for any employees or hires up. Your food is so good Amazing. My only suggestion slash question is, is there any possible way that you could cook slash warm any ingredients that go into your noodles, especially onions and cabbage, or any other veggies on the side separately? Oh. That way, people have the choice to enjoy your awesome noodles without all the fillers slash slop.

Like veggies. Yeah. Don't make me eat vegetables. How dare you put cabbage in your stir fry? Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. You think there's fillers that aren't the noodles? Vegetables. Disgusting. Get this out of my face.

I'm here for the starch. Nothing else. That comes along with it. Your noodles are the best. But unfortunately, way more times than not, I end up having more of the slop slash filler. That usually takes me a good 15 to 20 minutes before I can start eating to pick out because there's... The noodles are the cheap part. Because those slimy, smelly onion slash cabin. make my stomach turn. I don't know how slashes work

and write what I'm writing. I don't. You can just buy the noodles at the store and just boil them and make the blandest ass. No, no, no. This guy's problem with Panda Express is it's too vegetable heavy. Yeah.

That is insane. Also, like, could you make it a little bit sweeter, please? God damn. They let Five-year-old picky eaters on How dare you put stuff that goes well with noodles And your noodles I love your orange chicken

But not enough pieces are the ones that are just breading With like the hard, like crusty interior inside Where there's no chicken in it Yeah, stop putting that orange stuff on the chicken To be like a like a ketchup or something Yeah Like literally Google image search I'm Google image searching Panda Express.

And like, sure, I do see little flex of something. The delicious noodles. They're ripping you off by putting those cheap as vegetables. Amongst those delicious expensive noodles. Yes. But look, I have a solution, though. If you started cooking your noodles plain and give people the choice to add the veggies, Jesus Christ

I'm sure a lot of the food court place and is like Please no chili Can I have Put too much bun on your hamburgers Can I just have the slab of meat maybe Is that fine? I'm sure

Well I'm sure a lot of people could benefit from this Like people who hate cabbage slash onions You know me And your company could possibly save money Slash make money by selling more I really love that slash I just can't keep stop hitting it on my keyboard

by selling oh I'm sorry that sentence goes on by selling more noodles or possibly buying less of the veggie fillers for them thanks for listening

if you made it this far you're welcome never got out of the eight year old idea that vegetables are a punishment I'd like to thank the F plus listener for making it this far

and not reinvestigating their relationship with fast food Yeah. Right. If you go to me, if you go get fast food tomorrow, you're the true hero.

Coming down to the end, but before we get there, I had an issue at Chili's. Oh, no. Involving the original chicken crisper's. Oh, fuck. Yeah. Tiny and nuggety.

Around a year ago, I had an incident to Chili's. There were two men in suits that walked in shortly after I did. Oh, are you a crazy person? We'll see. They started singing Birdhouse in your soul at me, and I was really disturbed. They were quite skinny and rather tall, with eyes that looked devoid of love.

Oh, so you are. So, nope, not a crazy person. I got a funny feeling in my stomach, right as they looked in my direction. It felt as if every emotion I had ever felt was being sucked out of my body. The only emotion could feel was anger. They started to walk toward me very slowly as they walked past me and said, Chicken would be nice today.

Oh my God. Yes, yes. After that, the only thing I could think about was chicken. Mm-hmm. Yes. I went on to order the original chicken crisps. The server asked what sauce I would like with that. I didn't say anything.

I just sat there waiting for my chicken. The novel didn't tell me what to say here. My memory is a bit blurry after that. What is the bed in black? I mean, clearly, yes. My memories were a blurry after that. My food arrived and I started eating while he was still placing food on the table. I remember taking two or three bites and then walking up in the kitchen.

No, waking up in the kitchen. I woke up in the kitchen. It was as if I was invisible. No one acknowledged my existence. They just kept walking around me. I struggled to get up. It was like I was being pulled down to the ground. I walked back to the table.

This is not a dream. This is important. No, yeah. This really happened. Yeah. I was still at my table, but I was in the aisle. I was looking at myself in the third person. This is not a dream.

I was just sitting. there looking forward not moving. I started to think I was dead. I started looking around for a bright light because, you know, that's what they say happens when you die. Bright light walk towards it. This is not a dream. But then I saw the two

men again, this time holding a briefcase. I walked towards them, sat down and started talking. I said something along the lines of excuse me what's happening to me. The man turned to me and said, do you accept? This is not a dream. I responded with, except what?

He said, if you have to ask, then you don't know. Obviously, I don't know, but what's to know? I want to know, I want to know that you have to catch us. This is not a dream. Uh-huh. You got to offer yourself. He grinned. I was confused by that, but how?

My body is over there. This is not a dream. The simplest answers are the most difficult ones to find. They sat up and walked out of the restaurant rather quickly, right, as they got outside. They grew wings and flew away. I just stood there for about a minute. I started to walk back inside. Someone was walking out as I was walking in.

She opened the door very fast and it hit me in the head. She knocked me out. I woke back up because I'm, there's not a dream. So I woke back up. Uh-huh. The waiter walked up to me with my chicken. You did not out. No way.

He sat down my chicken and asked if I was all right since I was sitting still for so long. I said it was fine. I thanked him for my chicken. I still don't know what happened or what caused this to happen. But I remember that very vividly. I still have dreams about this, which this was not. I haven't gone to a chili since That's an issue you had with chili

Not only was that an issue But that was an issue involving the original chicken crisper I thank you for my chicken Yes He really thinks this was like a big deal But he's also very willing to tell Everybody about it

Yo, my name's deleted Yeah, what's up? Deleted? Awesome! Super cool. Mind fucked, my friend. Whoa, whoa, whoa! That was three

If you don't realize That was three of the shocked emojis in order Oh Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I would love it if I clicked all of those She's, whoa, whoa Oh, Porthax, you had a question about Hooters girls I do, I do have a question of her

She always has questions about Hooters' girls So what's your question about Hooters girls? I have questions about Hootie's girls Okay, hey Yeah, so, I'm a unique username, but spelled really stupid, so it's pretty bad. So it is. So can a hooters, girls, show their feet.

You're never allowed to Hooters again. You're a band from every Hooters from life. Fuck. Asshole, you're paying for this much, and no more. It's May Hooters Girls show their. Actually, as the vice president of Hooters, please come in. Hello, I was curious if Hooters girls ever soft their feet. I went there once in the local Hooters girls just wear normal white shoes.

Yeah, because they're working in a restaurant. What the fuck? In a restaurant? I went there once, only one. I don't know if it's just like a seasonal thing and they're like sandals in the summer in a restaurant. Yeah, maybe.

The OHS committee is furious. Excuse me, go home and get your no slip sandals. If it's just a normal shoes year around Um, I, because I, uh, oh, what, what's your motivation here? I'd like to, um, what would you like? I'd, I'd, I'd like to, I'd like to be able to look at their feats.

Oh, oh, you're true. Oh, that's all you want them to wear sandals. Okay. Uh-huh. Well, why don't you just ask them, man, over and over? Uh, well, if not, would I be allowed to ask my waitress to take off her shoes and socks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Dennis Hopper from Blue Velvet.

And rest her feet. All the waiters are the sluts. Wow. In the chair next to me. Wow. On like a pretty quiet night or something. As long as you tip 15%,

I think probably, yeah. Obviously, I know no touching. They let me know that. No, no touching. So she can't just put them in my lap or something. I get it, Jose. No touching. I know.

Sorry. I'm sure they would just go, oh, I haven't been sexually objectified during this job in that way. That'll be a nice change of pace. All right. Let's go for it. Oh, you. So a unique username has a. Has another post that I don't want to get into too much.

But it's, the post is titled, How to Get the Full Hooters Experience Going Alone? Oh. A guy named Future 22, whatever shows up, says, I'd rather see their ass to look at their feet. I will say the rest in this guy's profile is also disgusting. Yeah. You know, I like the butts too,

but would like to see them with their feet out. I was like, yeah, I know. Yes. Hey, guys, I like feet. Just need you to know that. Hey, F-plus, this is, I don't know, I'm so, you might be surprised to learn this, but I'm here on the, on the home page of R-slash-hooters. Oh, really? Great.

Not a lot of talk about the restaurant and the food. What? Not, not, not, not, there's a lot of photos. A lot of photos. A lot of photos. Not a lot of photos of the restaurant or the food. They're reviewing the win. right? Like they're showing different regional

like this restaurant looks like this one looks like... No, I wouldn't say that's accurate either. It's just a lot of photos in general. Yeah, the wing is the portion of the chicken that we're looking at here. All right. Here we are at the end. And hey, F plus. Yes. It's time for poetry. Awesome. All right. John Toast, if you'll give me a poem about Arby's, please. Holy shit. Before you do that, can you tell us

what the Reddit for Arby's is. Okay, I actually So it's R slash BYS, so it's RB's. I actually, I love that. That's not bad. You know, good move. Hi, I'm socially squackward. Uh-huh.

A brutally honest, free verse poem about Arbys. Roses are red, violets are blue. This is free verse, you know. Fuck off. Free verse, yep. Okay, okay, let me, let me, restart. Somebody, somebody interrupted the open mic here and it's not rude.

We should be snapping. Sorry, I just trying to stick my fingers right near. The first time anyone's ever told that guy to fuck off. That wasn't so I'm socially squackard. I was just so stunned. I didn't know how to react. It never happened before. Roses are red. I'm just being the sacrificial

poet, but like. Roses are red. Violets are blue. I think Arby's is generally a not very good restaurant. I think everyone is high as hell that works there. There's a pothole in the drive-thor. I'll get shanked if I set foot in there. It's honestly not very good.

I feel like shit after eating their food. It's pretty expensive. There are some weird black stuff on the cider-sized sandwiches I got. You might as well go to McDonald's because McDonald's moves more products, so theoretically their food will be less moldy or something. Arby's has buns for months ago in the back, and there's no way they clean their shit regularly. Fast food will give you cancer.

It's not good. Eat eggs at home. Eat a pre-made salad. Eat oatmeal. Arbys isn't good. Peace out. Why are you booing me? I'm right.

Yeah. Yeah. Pretty good. I got a message from Lemon on Discord saying, do the Taco Bell. And so obviously he wants to be a taco band in the town that I grew up with. It was called Life at 90. They had a song called Taco Bell.

It was the worst fucking song in the world. They played all these shows, and they were such a shitty band. And the song went, Taco Bell. Oh, can we get it for the episode? Makes my ass smell. Don't forget my sauce. Anyway, a poem. No, more of them.

that place. It's a thing that lives in my head and has for like 30 years at this point and I wish I would leave it and here it is and now I'm sharing it

so a poem from our Taco Bell a poem in the kingdom of fast food delight Taco Bell reigns supreme in the nights

I love so fierce sub bond so tight for that soft taco I'd give up a fight or a lyric format great a beacon of hope sirens call

It's neon lights They cast a thrall I'd killed for a taste My heart enthralled In this culinary haven I find my all They lost the anyway Call thrall

Taste heart enthralled Yeah Yeah yeah Got it On death throw Eve My final plea One last meal To set me free

A soft taco Crunch Wrap and a Baja blast A taste of heaven As my life's hourglass passed. I've lost I've got Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

D-minus work on your stanchion. The, yeah. The Doritos lost whatever it is. Taco has penetrated my bowels that I've got sepsis and this is what's happening

to my poetry. Occurrence at Taco Creek Bridge. Taco Fistula. For fiery sauce and Chalubis was fold. My firstborn child, I gladly see. Oh, fuck. I love so deep, a tale untold. Taco Bell, you are my heart's creed.

Oh, okay. I'm sorry I ever doubted you. I see where you go in there. Yeah, it's a different format every first. Yeah, as all good bones. In a world of chaos, your cassidy is mend. A love affair that shall never end. Best fast food, a truth we know. Taco Bell, my heart's eternal glow. Yeah, your heart will be glowing after that much Taco Bell. Will you marry me, Taco Bell? You actually can?

Taco Bell does have a chapel. Something edgy or funny says, wow, it's beautiful. It's good to be encouraging. So, I have a poem. Oh, great. Oh, my name's OK Character 1715, which is the year I was born. and I'm 299 years old. This is the best poem I've ever written.

Get ready. All right. There once was a waffle house so grand. In need of a host, they took a stand. They searched high and low, near and far, to find the one who could cook their star. Nice. With syrup and butter, their waffles so fine,

they needed someone who would, shine. Someone who could cook with a smile and a grin to keep the customers coming back in. Chit's just dancing around the maple. What even is a syllable, man?

So they tried out a clown with his funny red nose, but his cooking was awful. The customers froze. Next up, a robot with circuits so bright, but his waffles were bland and gave no delight. But then

in walked a chef with a hat and a twirl. His cooking was perfect. It made their hearts whirl. That's not good. Hearts shouldn't whirl. We should prescribe a torvastatin. He whipped up waffles with ease and with glee

and the customers cheered with a hooray for thee. That's bullshit. You can't do that. No, you speak in the English in the Waffle House when they're doing, they're jousting in there actually. People don't talk about it. Hooray for thee!

Thine waffles be true, not to combat. They pull out like a mace and a sword. So the Waffle House found, with much delight, their new host a chef who cooked day and night. Okay, that I believe. Yeah. With waffles so fluffy and syrup so sweet, the Waffle House has found its new host complete.

who was the robot waffle robot from earlier oh there was like a Santa and there was a robot but it's okay you don't have to worry about that for weeks yeah at first I thought it was like Ronald McDonald yeah because it was a clown yeah but then it was a robot so I love going to the waffle robot do you guys remember going to the waffle robot you get a weird sense of predestination meal it would give you concepts to eat every lunch What do we learn from any of this F-plus? Lots of stuff.

They definitely learned. We learned that the Whopper inspires very strange thoughts and people. It's true. It's true. Also, the junior whooper. Also, that it tastes like a whopper. I already knew that these subredits are like 90% people who work at the restaurant and 10% people who go to the restaurant. But it was really...

Except for the... It was exciting. Yeah, okay. But it was really... It was really exciting to learn that the people who work at the restaurant don't even, like... They're just so tired. They can't even, like, say, no, you're wrong to the people who shop at the restaurant. Well, the customers, I was right.

They're not always right. What insane philosophy. In matters of taste. They wouldn't, I mean, the thing is, is they wouldn't want to argue, because, like, you know, it would, it would hurt the company, right? And, like, they're, I mean, they're, they're like a force. I feel like, and this is just, you know, in a much more broader sense, all of these people could just cook it at home.

Like, it doesn't, like, if you want something that's as filling and tastes as good as a crappy McDonald's hamburger, you could just make, if you want plain. noodles, just make that at home. If you're just like, man, I really wish fast food had zero vegetables and just like a nugget I can eat, you can buy the nuggets at the supermarket, but there's so many people are just pre-cooked for you. Yeah, but these people are so mick-pilled since birth to love all this fast food places. They have to step into an Asian market to get the MSG to make it taste like it.

so they just won't it's just it's it's not even considered an option to make something at home just like I hate those it's Chipotle they say hi to me if well the Chipotle people aren't following you home you can make it at home there's something there's something else that's weird which is that which is that like you know like absolutely entirely and I want to be clear none of us are above fast food god no like I can't wait to see the comments saying that we are Yeah, like, I had dominoes this week. Like, I probably had Wendy's this week as well, maybe. About the dominoes, and Wendy's soaking.

They had a free pizza toast. What are you talking about? But the point is, it's like, if you go to a place and you have, like, you go to a fast food place and you have a burger, and it's not super duper good, it's kind of not super duper surprising, and that's fine. Like, it's the act of posting about it that I find so fucking weird. Because, like, it comes from a place of, like, I need Burger King to know. They don't. I don't even think it's that, though. Like, what I think it ultimately is, is that eating the burger is unsatisfying

and posting about the unsatisfying experience fixes that. Oh, I see. It's a happy meal for adults. Okay, okay, okay. Ish. No, I just... It's an unhappy meal. Yeah, this whole presence on Reddit, like, these Reddit's subreddits baffle me.

In a different way than other subreddits usually baffle me. And that, okay, you're, like, going on Twitter or, like, I don't know, Facebook or whatever. You're angry about a burger. You're trying to get to corporate so they can, I don't know, recompense you to five bucks or whatever. But these subredits seem to be, like, there's no, like, corporate presence. There's no, like you said, like, you know, like, it doesn't seem like from what we've seen that the people employed by these restaurants are responding. So, like, how do you have these fast food places on your mind so much that you're going to pitch like a poem or your, like, fanfic about aliens or whatever?

Like, how can these restaurants have that much mind space? I mean, they are literally made. It is a feature of these restaurants. It is a feature of these restaurants for them to be disposable. How can they occupy that much of your mind space? But like that, I mean, that works so well. Like Taco Bell as an actual lifestyle. brand is like a very real thing.

Yeah, that's true. They've done like pop-ups, they've sold like all sorts of They had a hotel. Well, they didn't actually have a hotel. Okay, sorry, they had a brand experience. Was it called talk a hotel? I guess that's not a can be very angry. Agreed. Our website as always, T-H-E-F-D-L.US Ball Pits the Forum. Go to

one of those. Bye. Bye. Bye. Nothing's better to deliver when it's the part That's a good point That's a good point We are going to be spending our day On a document provided to us

Lucky numbers. Thank you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm wrong. I'm wrong. At a point, actually. Yeah, no thank you. Never mind. Fuck you.

Get the fuck out of here, lucky numbers. Please submit other documents that we'll read at different times. But not this time. Yeah. We are going to be reading a document supplied to us by the lizard. Lucky numbers.

Thank you. You're calling the bumper already? Thank you.