The F Plus - 47: In The World of Dragon Dildos, Is The Chin-Wattle Man King?

Episode Date: May 14, 2011

I'd like you all to think back to the time that you were at an adult video store browsing the various "marital aids" that the store had available. Don't be shy to admit it, we're all friends here! Now... you remember looking at some of the more ridiculous products and giggling with your significant other over the thought of "Who would actually buy this thing?" This episode is like that, but way worse. We're focusing on the community of Bad Dragon, an online retailer of sex toys accurately modeled after the genitals of creatures that don't actually exist. This week, The F Plus visits the astral plane and gets busted by vice cops.

Hey there, welcome to the F Plus. Terrible things, red with enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. And dildos! What, just dildos? Dildos. Well, not just dildos.

Not just dildos. Dragon dildos. Oh. Okay. I want to introduce you to the site called Bad Dragon. Bad Dragon. Those are dragon dildos. Bad Dragon is a site that actually produces dildos that are modeled after dragon dicks.

I could tap dance around it, but that literally is what they do. They don't just do dragon dicks. They also do dragon vaginas. Oh, good. And here's the great thing. This is a community that actually has its own forum for enthusiasts

of dragon dildos and of dragon masturbatory aids. They have their own community of people that write in about how much they enjoy the products. Well, by now, I think I know what's coming up next. Let's see what happens. In the room tonight, we have Boothrain here.

Will you take a splash in the deep end? Get yourself all wet with the orca today. John? Can't say I really believe that. My cum is great. Some of the best stuff my exes and I have ever had. And to be honest, I eat quite a bit of meat. Acer Aquatel?

I think after all of this reading, I'm gonna be rated 1-1-1 for hardness. Come, Quatsop. Is in your waiting depths. Stog? The man's rectal lodging warehouse. I'm George Zimmer, and I guarantee

I've shoved weirder things up my ass. Portax. I deserve the fucking purple heart of F plus for this. Victor Laszlo. I have a micro rider named Davey. And Lemon. How the fuck do I clean this toy? It's boiling right now, but Jesus.

Here is the Anthro dragoness, and I will tell you all about it. She looks sad. She does. That's not sad. That's a dragon on crystal meth who's just like, okay, fine, you can put me there. When can I get some more meth? She looks even sadder. There's a picture of her in here that she's a double amputee and wearing glasses. All right, let me tell you about the anthro-dragoness.

She's been floating around the offices for a long time now, but until recently, she's been too shy to actually come out of hiding and get to know people. she's been too shy to actually come out of hiding and get to know people. After much convincing, Janine, the anthro-dragoness, has finally shared herself with the world. At first, she was hesitant, but Duke, her mate, convinced her that she would be doing the world a favor

if she came in to make a toy based off her wonderful pussy. For some reason, I paused for laughter, but I don't know why I was expecting it Pause for horror Everyone's just slack-jawed and staring wide-eyed at this fucking unhappy dragon is getting cum-tubes after all

we all know what kinds of things Duke himself had to put her through as an application for a job with BD Many nights were dedicated to the testing and examination of BD's first ever female toy. Now, after much market

research and innovative technology, we found we could make her better, more textured, and more durable. Her natural vagina just fell apart and is held together with fucking duct tape and gum. But this one can go all night long.

She is the six million dollar snatch. So, you may pass her in the halls. You may see her at the company parties. But with any luck, you can take her home and have all the fun you want with no strings attached. I mean, unless you want to. Why talk to her when you can fuck her fake plastic pussy? Oh yeah, fake plastic pussy, you're the one for me. Now maybe you're familiar

with the old Anthro Dragoness, but the new Anthro Dragoness has been updated with some new features to satisfy even the insatiable. But in the interest of fairness, all Dragonesses are the same color and firmness for now, to ensure that everyone can get their toy in due time.

Oh, Jesus mother of God. The anthro dragonesses now support new colorations, as well as yourselves themselves, as seen in the items presented. All anthro dragonesses are the same in firmness and silicone. All anthro dragonesses have a rippled, ridged inside texture meant to emulate the feeling of the real thing. All Anthro Dragonesses are 7.5 inches long so it can be enjoyed by virtually everyone, regardless of length or girth. The Anthro Dragonesses are now custom-made to order just like all the other toys, so you know that you're getting all our attention.

The Anthro Dragoness does not feature a warranty and is as old as it is. So it could feel like the real fake thing. Yeah, like a real dragon vagina You know, you wouldn't want an imitation Let's say I wanted to fuck the hell out of this dragon pussy

How much money would I have to put down? Well, that actually $125 Okay What a deal Apparently, unless you want sunset gold, which is plus $10.

That's my breaking point, then I'm out. With sunset gold, it's more expensive than custom color. Can I get the custom color? The sunset gold? Wait, wait, wait, wait. I got a question. You're out thinking the bad dragon people. Yes! How do the makers of this toy, how do they know if they fucked a dragon?

Because they fucked them on the astral plane, smartass. Oh, okay. I get it. So, you know, you might want, you know, you might think to yourself, well, maybe I'll just buy one of those, you know, flesh, those blue fleshlights that I've heard about. However, the blue fleshlights don't have scales around the labia majora. So, you know, what, those blue fleshlights that I've heard about. However, the blue fleshlights don't have scales around the labia majora, so you know, what's the point, really?

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You can't just put bat wings on a regular fleshlight. It's just not the same. Well, also, the blue fleshlights don't have the fucking creepy backstory where a shy girl was told to make a toy out of her pussy. I do love my sex toys to have backstories.

The Tentacle. Imagine, if you will, a creature that has soft, forgiving flesh, unlimited dexterity, and an insatiable need to fill the holes of any creature that comes near. Okay, mom, got it. Oh, sorry.

Chances are, if the thought of that makes you a little randy, the tentacle is for you. What if that doesn't make me randy at all? Then you're a mundane. Okay. Then the tentacle is for you anyway. Oh, God damn it. If you're not sure, let me

continue. I thought all tentacle beasts were rapists. Not all tentacle beasts were rapists. Not all tentacle beasts are rapists, however. Most just want a hole to fill. And I'm sure there are plenty of volunteers to help satisfy them. If you ever need to save Holland... I shouldn't have been drinking when you said that. I should have been drinking more when you said that. You know what I feel like?

I feel like fucking an octopus You're in luck You can join in the fun by ordering a portable tentacle of your own Built in every way to simulate the real thing From the suckers right down to the spade tip head Spade tip head? That parts you gently Giving them access to your most sensitive of parts.

Your Honor, my client is not a rapist. He's just looking for a hole to fill. Ask Johnny Tails here, a resident fox who was willing to go out to a photo shoot, which was then drawn with pencil. In Photoshop. With the tentacle model. We chose Johnny because he was the most eager, and you know foxes are the most

insatiable. I tried to ask Johnny Tails, but he responded, Wait, do I need a primer? Because I didn't know that foxes were insatiable. Only foxes that have the body of a man, I guess. And an enemy filter. Right. Okay.

It's a truly fulfilling experience, he says. You don't know how to pleasure until you've felt those sucker pads writhing around inside you. I believe my friend said you don't know pleasure until you've felt those sucker pads writhing around inside you. I believe my friend said you don't know pleasure until you've felt those sucker pads writhing around inside you. For those of you that don't speak tentacle rape. I'm cool with not knowing pleasure. I'm skipping the dimensions, I assume.

Well, wait a minute. How long is the large in total length? Oh, the large? The total length is 10.25 inches, but unusable length is 10 inches. Only a quarter inch of it? I have nothing to say. The last quarter inch is poison.

Given the nature of the toy, we could try any custom single colors and custom fades, but no splits or highlights. We don't know what that means. I'm out then. Don't worry, there's more options. The tentacle cannot support a cum tube or suction cup due to its shape.

Jesus Christ. Yeah, you know. Oh, how do I put this? You? Is that the word you're looking for? You? There's a series of pictures on the right. And there's the one that looks kind of vaguely Fox-like. If you've eaten recently, don't click on that!

Too late. Oh, God. It's a terrible shot. I kind of knew it Although I'm kind of intrigued At the colostom whatever view This is what it looks like from inside The asshole as it's violated

Oh no I'm not Intrigued by that I'm glad that fox has a prince albert That really adds to the The eroticism. All right. Come quite.

Please tell us about Virgil the Drifty Dragon. Jesus God. First, I need to tell myself about Wild Turkey. I like that it has a fucking Disney character face I know I'm gonna squirt this all over my face Go home Virgil the Drippy Dragon He's been a member of Bad Dragon

Since the very beginning And still remains our top producer Of our cum lube It's like that episode of Futurama with the Slurm Factory. There's just these dragons that just keep coming. God damn it.

But he was a shy dragon and didn't let anyone know his real name. Virgil, as we call him, is actually a professional porn star famous for the intensely sloppy cream pies he made.

Oh my god! So he's a baker. That's what that means, right? Yeah, right. He works at Hostess, right? Yeah. Now, Virgil is opening up a bit more. And has returned to help us with redoing his member.

Updating it and allowing us to get a more detailed sculpt that can be purchased in three sizes like all our other toys. Virgil the Drippy. Now, help deliver even more gallons of our slimy gooey slick cum loop into your I don't know why you didn't finish that sentence. Into your

waiting depths. Oh, Jesus Christ. Baby, I love your waiting depths. This is like a fucking Dragonlance novel. Kumquat, you said I can order I can order it with a cum tube?

Cum tube. You can order the medium and large drippy with a cum tube. After all, that's what he was made for. Cum. I'd like to point out that I have a bottle of Tito's right here at your

recommendation. I needed that. Does it come with that too? Once I get through the rest of this, I don't think I'm going to care. I have a technical question. What's a knot? A knot? Okay, so dog penises

have a knot in the middle of it to make sure that it gets stuck in the female so no other rivals can have their babies with her. It's basically, it's like a vacuum seal. It locks in and it doesn't come out until it's

done. So, circumference of knot vacuum seal. It locks in and it doesn't come out until it's done. So circumference of knot is 11.25 inches. Yes. That's not that big. Don't you remember your math? Circumference is pi times diameter. Well, they have the diameter there and the math doesn't really add up. Cream pie times diameter.

Well, there's a margin of error. I mean, Jesus Christ, it's a dino-dong. I liked how on the corner, on the sidebar, it has different pictures of Virgil, but palette swapped like it's a goddamn fighting game or something. No, no, those are Andy Warhol originals. Yes, that's what I was thinking. At least Virgil looks like he's enjoying himself Unlike the last couple of times

I'm not cumming on myself Kumquat, I do have $100 That I want to spend on this product What are the questions I should be asking myself? Want a cum tube? No, no, no, what are all the questions? We've got to build up to that. That's the only question.

That's not a question at all. Of course I do. Oh. You can choose a size for the largest, plus $45. I guess I'll go with medium there. You can choose a firmness now You can have split soft five cock or five cock eight base or three cock five base This is the worst golf game. I've ever with like complicated math to me. Yeah, I guess you really got a hole in one there Hey citrus

Citrus. I found your color. Citrus Orange. Oh. You can choose a color. I'm going for Sly Midnight. What the fuck is Sly Midnight? It's my new porn name. Sly Midnight and the Family Stone.

Fully optioned out. Fully optioned out. A large Virgil the Drippy is $160. Excellent. Does it have LEDs on it too? Drippy Dragon. This is a review of Drippy

Dragon. Oh, okay. I have firmness. Firmness. Black. Picks will come later Just wanted to review While fresh in my mind Toy Drippy dragon size medium From the 5

Oh it comes with a suction cup And a cum tube No Dracula No Ordering! 10 of 10 got from Jagdwolf so ordering was sort of a mute point. We don't talk about that one. Wait, it was a mute point?

It was a mute point. Okay. 10 of 10. He sent it out to me on the 12th. And it got here on the 16th. Okay, so far so good. Opening the box.

Question mark of 10. I would then know someone glares at her mate. Opened it before I did. But when I did see it, I was pleasantly surprised. It came with a traditional packing peanuts and purple tissue paper I've seen used with BD that made it neat. And I got a pleasant surprise of a bottle of cum lube. That's always a pleasant surprise. My feelings on that will be posted here as well.

Suctioned cum. This deserves its own review spot. Totally wasn't what me and my mate expected. We thought it was like a real suction cup, but it's totally not. What? What does that mean? Well,

it's... I don't know. I just read this shit. We spent the day sticking it through the wall. Our computers, etc. It's great every toy I get ever after this. We'll have a suction cup. What?

What, mom? Imagine just visiting this person's house, hey, your computer's kind of got a dick hanging out of it. You know, actually- Isn't that great?'s kind of got a dick hanging out of it. You know, actually... Isn't that great? That kind of is. His name is Virgil. Portax, I'm going to correct your sentence.

Your computer has a kind of dick sticking out of it. Actually, if you're going to do it like him and me, your computer has a kind of dick hanging off of it. Injures. Imaginally. Seven of it. In use. Vaginally, 7 of 10. But that's because of my own issues. It'll get better with time. My own issues fucking a dragon dick.

My vagina cannot accommodate a 55-gallon barrel. I'm working on it. Wow. Talking to it as it's suction cupped to her computer. It's not you, it's me. Wow. Just wow. When I looked at this toy, I was like, oh, I don't see the big deal.

It looks like I could take this whole thing with ease. And boy, was I wrong. Of course, I'm odd about you saying things in front of my mate. So it didn't help that he was staring at me and I got nervous and it became less about my pleasure and more about proving something. Nobody calls Marty McFly chicken.

I'm just joking. Oh yeah, you don't think I can fuck this dragon dick? I can fuck this dragon dick. Hey McFly! Put that dragon dick in your pussy! The thing we've learned from the bad dragon community is they're good with gigantic things in their various orify, however other human beings kind of creep them out.

There's more. Oh, good. I would still manage to make my leg shake and my lip quiver as it stretched me. The knot was more of a challenge than I thought it would be, and the head had a pleasant pop, though. For the first time, it was overall great. The cum tube is wondrous. The lube, on the other hand,

waster-ish. It gets everywhere. I didn't know what to do with myself. I ended up, like, covered in lube. I'm disappointed. what to do with myself. I ended up like covered in lube. I'm disappointed. The thing I bought called a drippy dragon is all drippy. Try it again and less than

three, ten of ten. I've had a couple times alone with this toy and omg, omg, omg, less than three. I've knotted it I've toyed it with it and I love it the size is prefect it gives me a nice

stretch it has me questioning the small werewolf I have coming in the mail but we'll see I love everything about this toy it wasn't something I'd thought I'd wanted before but when I got it, often to me, I took it and it's greater than

I thought. My friends are amazed at the way I stretch around it and just how into I got. Oh. I regret not getting a suction cup on my fusion or wolf. But I'll work with that when it comes. Hehe. I think you have other

things you need to work on. What the fuck? Also, one of the replies on here is from Lemon. Yeah, it says it has Lemon in their sigs, so Lemon. What did I say? Oh, here. Okay, so this is what I said in response. Ooh, sounds like fun.

I was thinking of getting a medium Virgil at some point. Can't wait for pictures. If you haven't already, take them. It would be great to see some comparison shots. Oh, God, let's compare our pussies with different dragon dicks in them. Anyways, nice review, Lemon. I'm just your regular average dude who just happens to like dragon cock. You've been found out.

When I'm thinking of regular average dudes You know, Dragoncock, regular average dude Anybody else? Or am I just alone in that? That's the start of his Match.com profile All regular dudes know how to get into Britannia To fuck a dragon I've posted 58 times in this forum And you joined on Christmas Eve

Like you had nothing else to do Wow The other thing that needs to be pointed out is that Acer here, Smmex Bunny, not only bought a drippy dragon for herself, she also bought a dragon pussy for her boyfriend. Oh, there's a little important message from Smex Bunny. Okay. Now accepting donations so I can buy furs. Okay.

Now accepting donations so I can buy furs, I write short, sexy stories semi-well and can draw or do other tricks too. Help a kitter slash a bunny out. No, fuck you. You can't get any money from me. Help a bunny get fucked by a dragon. Okay, it's time for John to tell us a story

Okay There are three parts to this but the first part is what we're looking for here We're going to tell us a story about the first time you fucked a dragon pussy Wow

Okay, and this is the one by Ridley Frostfang You fucked a dragon pussy. Wow. Okay, and this is the one by Ridley Frostfang. Fleshlight fan fiction. I like his icon. It looks like he's yelling at his penis. Stop wanting to do that. Why are you doing that? They don't even exist.

It's a full moon. My penis has become erect. Story review. September 18th. God, how I won't forget that day. It was an average day like any other. However, the difference was that I met a very friendly

dragoness through an online forum. Her name was Crystal, like the burger. We ended up chatting for long hours and eventually decided to meet up and talk again the following day. That didn't work, so I fucked a dragon pussy instead.

Hey, don't. Spoilers. I'm sorry. As though it was first love, we continued to chat for many weeks to come. We ended up sharing our sexual fantasies together. A hefty amount of sexual tension was starting to build up between us. Let's go with that word. Hefty.

Oh, yeah. Both of us were single and in the market for a mate. So I told her I'd pay for her to come visit me. Classy. Paid for her cum to visit me. She eagerly agreed, and a few weeks later, she was at my doorstep. As I opened the door, a beautiful, natural blue dragoness appeared before my eyes. She was only a vagina, but that's fine.

I wasn't complaining. God, what a beauty. No words could not describe how over the moon I was for her to be at my house. I invited her in, but it was no less than 30 minutes before we went at it together. The tension was just over the top. So you went right to it and there was a lot of tension. Will they? Won't they?

Oh, they will. Maybe my pussy will resist. I lost count how many times we made it that day. Incidentally, I can't count to three. It didn't take long for her to decide she wanted to live with me. I happily agreed. We made short work of the moving arrangements and since then we've been mated to

each other. I sleep in the bed. She sleeps in a drawer. We've practically mated every day since. Roughly half a year has passed since. Practically mated? We are still going strong together. My love for her hasn't faded

in the least, nor has hers for me. She still hasn't broken yet. We were meant going strong together. My love for her hasn't faded in the least, nor has hers for me. She still hasn't broken yet. We were men for each other. We've been thinking hard since then and wanted to try and invite another female to our small home. Oh, God, you're having a threesome with fucking prosthetic pussies.

How does that work? Does he grind the two together or something? No, he puts them... I love this, yeah! He just cuts off the end of the flashlight part pussy like how does that work does he grind the two together or something yeah he just cuts off the end of the flashlight part and stick someone's dick like a fucking shish kebab drippy dragon warriors hey here's my dick it's covered in a dragon pussy but it's at my real dick this dog is obviously getting darker and darker say crystal are you okay with adding a third oh I'm okay with it

I'll just glue this giant dildo to my balls if I wanted a pussy that could talk I would just get a woman we went back to the same forum where we met and ended up running into a beautiful mare named Scarlet. We've invited her to stay with us. Since then, she has been trying her best to travel to us as soon as she could. She has been delayed for a month or so, but she is still determined to visit us.

With some luck, we'll see her in about four weeks. Okay, so after that story... This has been Ridley Frostfang, still yelling at my own dick. Hang on now. So after all that, this guy's idea of what a relationship was like and that sort of thing, just read the very next, just the one first

sentence of the short review. I should do his actual voice then. Okay. After a long debate with myself and being single for three years, I decided to say screw it all and get myself a toy. At least I could enjoy myself until I found an actual maid. I think he forgot

the zero that follows. Well, no. That was when his other prosthetic pussy broke up with him. That is amazing. So I'm trying, like, it's really hard to pinpoint the creepiest thing about that. Like, is the fact that you wrote fan fiction about a fake pussy the creepiest part? Is it the fact that you named it Crystal?

Is it the fact that you're buying another one? Is it the fact that you named that one Scarlet? You don't have to actually find one specific creepy part about it. It's uniformly creepy. It's like an elegant distribution of creepiness. It's a perfect storm of creepy.

It's a pervert melange. Hey, I'm Moonlight Vamp. I have 15 posts and I'm from Chatsworth, Georgia. Represent. Hello, I'm near here. Yes, I admit being a nerd and a weirdo. Talk to me, people. Yeah, come on now.

Don't be shy. I'm really nice. I don't bite and I'm always up for a good yippy RP. Oh, God. I'm actually pretty good. I usually play. What? Oh, okay. Yippy RP.

All right. Sure. Sorry. I usually play aippee RP Alright sure sorry I usually play a Vixen Wolves or Vampire that can shapeshift If you ask me if my vamps are anything like the Twilight vamps

I will eat your face off An insult to my dignity I will eat your face off! An insult to my dignity. I want to find this person and ask them. Are they like Twilight vampires? Do they glitter? I can't stand the wimpy, stupid Twilight vampires. That's a total insult to my creatures.

Also, I am a girl, but my Fox character is often a Herm. A male Hermaphrodite-y black chest named Tara. Tara. He's cute and sweet and always up for sex. How is a male hermaphrodite different from a female hermaphrodite?

Flat chest. It's a male hermaphrodite with a flat chest. Isn't that just a guy? Pretty much. A guy with a... It's a guy with extra compartments. How about that?

He's got a hole next to his tail hole. He's got like an extra pocket. He can put your wallet in there or something. Okay. Wait up! Squirrel! Someone give with me! Holy carp!

I'm hyper! Pokemon! Picture of Magikarp. I find that fish compelling. I'm staring at it. It's because it's the only thing that's okay to look at. That's true. It's the only picture that doesn't melt your eyes.

So this is about cum lube gallon kits. Calm down. Calm down. Let's find out about this. Hey, all. A lot of you have been asking for cum lube in gallon quantities.

I could probably do this if you really wanted. I want it! I mean, yes! Shipping a gallon of cum lube might be expensive, but it's doable. And necessary.

And I was thinking of offering a gallon kit. Basically take a gallon milk jug, obviously a brand new one, with a bad dragon sticker, of course. Obviously a brand new one, because if there was any traces of milk in your fucking cum lube

that would be gross. That would be horrible. That would be inappropriate and wrong because everybody knows that dragons don't have milk in their cum. It's a courtesy so that when somebody goes to get some cereal they don't, you know. Oh no. Stays crunchy

even in fucking dragon cum. Oh god. It doesn't taste like dragon. And put in the raw ingredients and then ship it like that. Ready to have a gallon of hot water put into it and for you guys to mix it up yourselves.

The cost would probably come to about $20 to $40. Remember, it's about 50 times the quantity of a single bottle. That's a good deal for two gallons of cum. Plus shipping. Fake cum. Dragon cum.

Think of all the astral dragons you could give birth to with that. Anyone interested? I have to buy a minimum of $150 worth of plastic milk jugs from my supplier in order to do this. So I'd need two to three pre-orderers

to come forward and say yes if we want this to happen. Oh, I get it. So why do you need these milk containers? Whoa. Milk? I love that in order to buy $150 worth of milk jugs, he only needs three people to pre-order. Well, I mean, just to... Someone's going to buy like five gallons at a time.

It's just so he gets set up, so he knows that there's actually a market for it. Because who wants to have $150 worth of plastic milk jugs sitting around? That would just be weird. Hey Varka, what's the quote on your signature? Thanks guys. Varka, Bad Dragon founder. We choose to go to the moon in this decade

and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. John F. Kennedy. they are hard. John F. Kennedy. My name is Three Fingers. This evening,

Lilica and I decided to make a nice batch of dildo soup. Ah! Ever since she moved in with me, there has been a huge duffel bag of dragon cock hers sitting on my bedroom floor. Truth be told, it's been left alone after she received an

infection from one of her own toys. What do you have to do to get Oh my god! How long is that thing not clean? Tonight, we decided to boil all our toys so they would be sterile. Nothing says I love you more than spending an hour in the kitchen watching

a pot of dildos boil while you sit on a beer. I love that Hallmark card. Yeah, I was gonna say. Oh, I don't want to hear these words. Anyway, I took some photos of the dildo soup and thought I would

post them there for all of you to see. God damn it. This woman owns... No, the woman, she responds. She says, nothing like a Saturday night with your sweetie, sipping a couple of beers over a steaming pot of dragon cocks. That's what I said, you uncreative cunt! Also, the edit

edited to add, oh, and one dragon pussy. Ah! So, yeah, this couple between them own, what is that? That's about 14 dragon dildos. And Autumn says, that is a lot of cocks. I wish I had them. I think we need to do the worst thing ever.

The worst thing ever. The worst thing ever. Okay. OMG. Worst thing ever just happened to me. I was expecting my new toy today, right? So I went to pick it up because I had sent it to a foreclosed house. So I was walking home, not far, maybe a quarter mile total, feeling great that I had it in my hands.

I was two houses down from mine. All of a sudden, I see my mom back out of the garage. So thinking fast, I drop the box behind a neighbor's bush. I'm assuming he means like a shrub and not their actual home. You never know. I hid it under a merkin.

You never know. They hid it under a merkin. I got home no problems, but was freaking the fuck out. So now I go back to the bush and look for my box, and it's not fucking there. My neighbor was also in his driveway. Just got home. Old guy, but nice. As opposed to all those mean old guys.

They judge you for your... They're slay dragons. And was like, what's going on? I said that I had dropped a box at the bush because it was my mom's birthday. Oh, God. Oh, Jesus Christ. So we looked for a few minutes before giving up. The damn thing vanished. So now I don't know what to do.

Tell my parents that I had a sex toy bought on their card, shipped down the street, and then I lost the fucking box in a bush? Oh my God, the plot! Wow. I don't want to say thickens. It does horrible things, though. What if the neighbors find it and open it

or take it to my house? My parents get it. Got my name, but not my address. Either way, I'm pissed that I was so damn stupid and angry that I lost $70. And I'm sad because I don't know what to do. I just have a horrible, hopeless feeling. And life. Ideas, please.

Oh, God. I have no idea how open-minded your parents are. Well, it doesn't matter how open-minded your parents are. They're going to disapprove regardless. Yes. What I'm about to do, I'm sure nobody expected. But that's what I do. Y'all know me. And right now, I'm about to unleash the track.

Here I come, call me back. Tired of holding back, I'm about to let the track track. Ooh, throw me out my way. It's a new millennium, it's atile Army. I'm from the Marshall Islands. I don't know where that is, but my avatar is a... That's in the South Pacific. ...thing with a gun, I guess. Hey, what would happen if you suddenly turned into a dragon?

For me, I would be flying, what would happen if you suddenly turned into a dragon? For me, I would be flying around jerking off in midair so it can rain bad dragon lube. But if you were turned into a dragon, why would you need the bad dragon lube? Why wouldn't you? No, that's what bad dragons are made out of,

is bad dragon lube. I'm going to be Timba. Good. The army'd get called on me and that'd be the end of me unless they decide to do scientific experiments on me. I'm going dark here. Poking and prodding me, cutting my stomach

open, see my internal organs as they work. Torturing me until my last breath when they decide that it'd be easier to collect data on a dead dragon and off me. Then my organs, after they're done with them,

will go to a dragon organ donor program. Wait, for other dragons that they're doing experiments on? For the other dragon. I think this is fucking hilarious. I'd also like to point out that my signature provides a sidebar question it was what would

Guybrush 3P would do oh good I masturbate because wait I don't think this is an answer to that question but I'm going to assume it is so what would Guybrush 3P would do I masturbate because i'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me oh did you hear that

you're just a bucket of cheer lube aren't you never thought i'd say this but bring back the flying, jerking off dragon guy. At least it was fun. I need to tell you about TL1 Chaos Dragon. Yeah. This is aspirational. It'd need a larger PS3 controller. Priorities. Even as a dragon,

it'd still want to play GT5. Oh, I turned into a dragon. Well, back to video games. What would happen if you were a dragon? I'd still want to play GT5. Oh, I turned into a dragon. Back to video games. What would happen if you were a dragon? I'd still be a nerd. If I was a dragon, I really would want to be able to drive a car. No, I'd want to be able to pretend

to drive a car. I have a theoretical question here. I don't know what the answer is. I don't think I'd want to know what the answer is. Why does Sync Master actually have his own picture? As a gift. As a gift to all of us. In the world

of people who fuck themselves with dragon dicks is just the chin waddle man the king? I think Persian is in the wrong has stumbled into the wrong user forum. I think John Lovitz has let himself go. Can I be Popo? Somebody needs to read

Persian, because that's a great answer. I would probably freak out and try to wake up. And once I've calmed, I'd search on finding out how and why I've changed into a dragon, because I'm curious.

Also, I'm a proud Bowser's fan girl. You're a proud Bowser's fan girl. That's lovely. Oh, and I own a Naga, which is a black base with a purple cock, and a David, which is a blue base with a red cock. That's good to know. Anyway, Kumquat, what did you have there? My name's Popo. And I

live in Potland, Holland. Potland. My thought again is that... Dragons, according to the majority of my Hytoligy, Wow! are intelligent, sentient beings more than My high toll I gees Wow our Intel I gent

Sentient beings more than humans. So they are not reality beasts that said fuck Long P Wow Dragon scales are pretty much impenetrable Wow. Dragon scales are pretty much impenetrable. It'd go on a slaughtering rampage just for fun, and then makes demands towards a couple of

publicizers, and then it'd find someone to play with. Carrot, parrot. First I would kill a bunch of people, then I would demand that someone publish my memoirs, and then I would go play fucking Xbox or something. I want to lose

my mom's car in a pink slip race. I like that he starts out by explaining actually, you know, in mythology dragons are very sort of, you know, highly evolved, highly intelligent animals. Anyway, I'd go set everything on fire

and kill everybody. Yeah, Mellow! Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Somebody doing Willer? Yes. Somebody has to do Willer. Yes, John, Willer. Willer? Oh, I was looking at Willow.

Oh. Fuck. Okay, Portex, you're Willow, different from Willer. Alright, hang on, let me... Willow, I'm a fucking, I don't know, Jerboa with cleavage hanging out? I don't know. I have cleavage. It's like Gadget from Rescue Rangers' mother or something. Her slutty mother.

I'd grab a Dr. Pepper, some chips, and turn on my Netflix through my Wii. You know what? That sounds really dirty. Uh-huh. Yeah, not much change for my daily life. I take many unexpected things rather smoothly. many unexpected things rather smoothly. Although it'd be interesting to see how well I could open an

aluminum can without resorting to poking a giant hole in it. I'm assuming to fuck it. This one's great! I can drink Dr. Pepper more efficiently! Yay! I'm Willow, and I totally have the same body type as my avatar. Totally not 800 pounds.

Signature is you can sleep with a blonde, you can sleep with a brunette, but you'll never get any sleep with a redhead. Jesus Christ, Sync Master. Yes, I had pointed out Sync Master earlier, and I got to tell you, on this thread, he does not disappoint. My name is Sync Master. In many FRPs, dragons are very underrated. Take World of Warcraft

for example. Really? You play World of Warcraft, huh? Yes, I do. Wouldn't have figured. It's very hard. My double chin has a second avatar. It can work the mouse and keyboard by itself. Yes. It's prehensile. My giant waddle attracts me a mate.

Even dragons like Onyxia and Saffirion are easy to deal with. Dragons are more like what we see in Harry Potter's series. Utterly powerful and very hard to jinx. Takes seven skilled wizards to stun one. I did the math, guys. It Takes seven skilled wizards to stun one. I did the math, guys. It takes seven skilled wizards. Oh, yes. Wow.

You laugh, but I've got a very serious concern here. Okay, sorry. Also, what if the dragon was fire-based? All the firepower from army could make his day. Bullets are weak to pierce dragon scale. Explosions are just useless. I guess the only thing that would work would be a huge

bolt from a huge ballista. Well, why couldn't you just get seven wizards and then shoot them from a huge ballista? No, just get the army to show up with some ballistas. Bullets are useless, but a giant bow and arrow. A giant bow and arrow, and then I would take it and shove it up my ass and then call it a cuddle. And give it a custom fade. Sunset gold looks pretty nice.

And most importantly, dragons are usually more intelligent than humans. Kitchell, for me. Oh, he thought this out, yeah. Power, mobility, agility, intelligence, willpower, and all kinds of stats, except technology, is at Dragon's favor. Oh, stats.

Syncmaster, what's your wish list? Do you use Sonic Monitor? What would you like? Oh, land sakes. The only thing I can wish for is something big. Like a sonic monitor. I ordered a medium anthro griffin, eight size, and shamrock green,

indicated by my shamrock green font. And I own a small griffin eight. It's dark and natural, and rude boy black. Tell me, rude boy boy, are you deep enough? It's kind of like Rude Dog and the Dup rude boy boy are you deep enough? It's kind of like Rude Dog and the Deeps only they're all up my ass.

Can you imagine this guy's O-face as he shoves the dildo up his ass? I only want to read this mostly to set up for the next Sync Master post. Next classic. This is Shamanar.

Here here claps you on the shoulder, buddy, buddy, like. Don't forget that dragons are acrobatic and very lithe. They can easily avoid any projectile fired at them, and if they know telekinesis, shooting a missile at them will only have them catch it with their mind and send it straight back at you. Why else are dragons feared? It's because they are better than humans

and humans know this. As evidenced by their concept. Kenneth Eng, is this you? They hate this concept. That's why they make up these pathetic dragon slayer stories. That's why they make up stories about killing these dragons. They're just jealous of the real dragons.

To put it simply, fighting a dragon is suicide. In the novels I'm writing, dragons are guardians of heaven, and the main god of the cosmos is a female dragon. They are impossible to kill unless you're a dragon or a god and even then the dragon will put up a fight. The only way humans can harm a dragon is by the use of magic weapons crafted by a

dragon to help his slash her mortal servants fight enemy dragons. For example, crystal-tipped arrows or crystal ballistas that the dragon created with its magic. Robo-Crystal won't do anything. SyncMaster's response to that is, your post makes me wonder if the god

I believe in is really a dragon. It would fit right on, Emo. On his dick? I don't know. This is the opinion my god sits on. Oh god. Okay. The person who believes that Laura

Inglis Wilder is god and see how they get Laura Inglis Wilder is a dragon. That would be one stinky room. Lol. This is embarrassing. I am stuck. I have a glass ball that I've been playing with and it appears to be stuck inside me. When I reach in there, I can feel it, but when I try to push it out, it just stays in there. Embarrassed face.

It's even better. I'm willing to do anything but tell my folks at home So is there anything that you might be able to help with That would get this thing out of me? It's very wet and slick So it's not so much that it's stuck It appears to be lodged in there Oh, that's different

Oh my god I'm thinking that maybe I should get something To make me go poo-poo to unlock it. But if it's so stuck in there that even that doesn't work, then I'll be very uncomfortable to boot. Why am I laughing at this? Let's go with that word, uncomfortable. The glass ball isn't spherical. It's cut into facets like a gem. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.

It's cut into faucets. It's cut into faucets like a gem. Oh god. gym. Wait, wait, no, no, no. It's not. It's cut into faucets like a gym. Oh, God. But it isn't uncomfortable. All I'm worried about right now is trying to get it out before my ass closes up again. You should be very thankful to get it out. Is your ass like the tides?

It's on a time lock. I'll have to wait until 10 o'clock tomorrow morning. I remember that puzzle from the Dwarf Pass. Attention, shoppers. The ass will be closing in five minutes. Oh, my God. I am really kicking myself for this. There is a tiny little loop in the ball that is there so you can tie string to it or something.

And I kept telling myself that it might get lodged up and it would be nice to just yank it out but alas I have a terrible case of both laziness infused with procrastination so in other words he got something stuck up his ass and was too lazy to get it out anyway

edited to add okay my tail hole is closed up now. Getting this thing out is going to be a bitch. Nothing in the medicine drawer for bowel movement. And mom is at work, so there is no way she can make me some of here fresh vomit with ocean sand and ragu dish to help. I don't want to know what that means. We need to keep reading this. I think it's supposed to be

sick burn on mom's cooking. All you got, look. You're dealing with people who stick imaginary dragon dicks up their asses. You're worried about it making sense. Alright, so Acer, you are Quail. Kumquat, you are

Torakazu. Because we're going to help this woman here. I'm going to help you. Oh, lovely. No prunes in the house. Dried fruit. It makes me have the runs because I loved dried fruit.

What is wrong with these people? Yeah, dried fruit? That's gross. Long and storied question. I mean, did you read Quail's list? Ever try to sit on the toilet and just push? By the way, I have an anthro dragon, a breeder, a xenogon, David, sea dragon, xenogon, naga, xenogon, naga, dragoness, mare, and I would like or want or debate a desi, aadragon, Xenogon, Naga, Xenogon, Naga, Dragoness, Mare, and I would like

or want or debate a Desi and Naga and a Tsar. I have more many than sense. Okay, so you have twelve dragon dicks and a dragon pussy. And I want more! Will wants a dick that glows in the dark. You could go for three more. Yeah, but four

of them are for a boyfriend. That's true. That's what I tell myself. Anyway, so Willer? Yes, I sat for about ten minutes before this and just pushed. I have an idea, though. I have two Taco Bell tacos in my room. Oh, my God. I'm presuming the rest of this is going to be he's going to shove them up the ass.

I was so full I didn't eat them. They may have been there for three days them up the ass. I was so full, I didn't eat them. They may have been there for three days. Out in the open. The time has come, C-U-M, for the final resort. Psyduck. Psyduck face.

After quick inspection, the tacos appear to be moldy. I have thrown them out. The final resort has failed. Psyduck. Psyduck face. Edit. After quick inspection, the tacos appear to be moldy. I have thrown them out. The final resort has failed. Psyduck again. Psyduck. I'm gobsmacked. I'm gobsmacked. Completely gobsmacked. But you have another suggestion. Shut up, Quill.

I'm gobsmacked. This is the first time on this entire forum, in this entire reading, that I've seen somebody do something sensical. What's your suggestion? You got any hot sauce? Tabasco? Anything like that?

Try filling like a Pepto-Dos cup with it and down the hatch. Careful. Just careful of heartburn and such. So you want to pour it down your ass? Is that what it's down the hatch is? No, just drink a bunch of Tabasco.

Just drink. Lodge a dildo from your ass. That's not a good plan. Just a couple ounces. Like a big shot. There you go. Tumquat, you've noticed something, haven't you? My name is Torikazu,

and a freaky thing about the human body is that it does not like foreign objects. Wow! Oh, no. Give yourself some time to relax, and the ball should begin to move down and eventually out. It may take longer than you're willing to wait, but it will happen.

Condoms make impractically large water balloons. Experience is a scary thing. It can be. Victor, next up. Haters gonna hate. I am Sindory. This. If you are sure the ball

is not pointy enough or large enough to cause tearing or harm, best to take a hot bath, have a glass of wine, and relax. It will come. Smiley face. Yeah, you'll shit in the bath, but it'll come out. Field of Dreams has gotten really horrible, this remake.

If all else fails or you start to feel funny or in pain, go to the ER. Trust me, no one there is going to care what you shoved up your bum. ER techs have seen weirder and worse. I guarantee it. I don't know. So, Victor, hang on, hang on. So, Victor, if you were working and you saw someone who had horrible food poisoning because they ate old tacos and then you discovered – No, she didn't eat the old tacos.

I know, I know. But if you saw that and then he's just like, oh, it was just so I could get this glass ball out of my ass. I mean, would you get fired for laughing too hard or – I probably wouldn't get fired, but I'd probably have to leave the site. I can see it now, actually. I think what you would do is ask in a very discreet way if they had a website. All right. Portex.

Scroll down a couple. Okay. Oh, Willer's back. Great. Yeah, that time thing is exactly what I'm thinking as well. And if that doesn't work, then the next time I go to the bathroom, shit, fix it. I've been feeling around some more, and I

would say that the reason I can't push it out is because it somehow got behind my ring of muscle that is a bit deeper inside me. I've grossed myself out. Because that ring of muscle is contracted, it creates a ledge that the ball is in. And I'm not worried about the ER. The pain medication is awesome.

No, that's not how that works. Yes, it is. Man, I really would love to get some Dilaudid. I know, I'll shove this thing up my ass and then I'll get it for free. Maybe this guy's been to the ER for this exact same thing on more than one occasion, you don't know. I'm worried about my folk when they want to learn exactly why a two-inch round glass ball is doing up my butthole. I wonder what kind of thing to say would be to break the ice on that kind of talk. I am starting

to switch constantly between fear, anticipation, depression, and anxiety. Then I go back to normal for a while and the cycle repeats. Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else? My name is Roof Husky. I kind of had the same problem one time, but with me it was

just a golf ball. Put three in, first two came out fine. What's this magic trick? It's not going as planned. Man, I hate this golf course. It sucks. Mulligan. The most important thing is to relax and not stress. Stress will only make the muscles tighten up,

which will do the opposite of what you want them to relax. As you aren't in any pain and are fine right now, just be patient and relax. The body is designed to get things out. If it still hasn't come out tomorrow morning, you really need to seek help. Or if you're starting to experience any stomach pains, also seek help.

Just relax and your body will get rid of it. And that's the way it was. Take a bite out of that ass. This has a happy ending. All right, take it. Let's close it out. All right. So to speak. It just came out. Yay!

Thank God. I was right about to say something about not being worried and then I tried to fell if it had moved and it had completely passed the ring of muscle I'm surprised I didn't feel it sooner oh I think I'm going to say something

thanks for the tips I guess I didn't need any laxatives I would like to say that I will never play with this thing again but knowing how I get when I'm horny it'll probably be back up there in no time. Here we go again. Oh!

Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea And frolicked in the autumn mist In a land called Hanalei And there we go! Round about an hour of dildos! Dragon dildos! Hey John, what do you think you learned this week?

Well, after all that being showered in dragon and creature cum I'm gonna go with a positive point, and that is that capitalism works. Go on. I mean, with the power of the internet and a way to make latex and dragon-looking cum, I mean, if there's a market for it, people will buy it. This is proof of that. That is true. It's the invisible hand of Adam Smith, and it is stroking a dragon dick. Exactly. I don't know if this is what Keens had in mind, but it's pretty good demonstration of how the market can find its way.

It's always about niche, too. That's really how you make a profit. niche too. I mean, that's really how you make a profit because, you know, I mean, these dragon dildos are obviously, you know, they're not very cheap. I mean, by dildo standards, you know, you find a specialized market and you sell to their enthusiasm is I think what we learned with Virgil the Drippy Dragon. Yes. So, you know, forget buying a book on entrepreneurism or studying the business masters or whatever. Just study the ins and outs of, you know,

Bad Dragon. And you'll know all you need to know about business. It'll be the CEO of a major corporation dripping in lube that looks like glue.

Yeah, find somebody with disposable income and an awful kink and sell to that. In the meantime, if you're income and an awful kink and sell to that. In the meantime, if you're looking for more awful kink, you can go to our website, thefbl.us, and leave some comments or don't. And we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Puff no longer went to play along the Cherry Lane Without his lifelong friend, Puff could not be brave

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