The F Plus - 51: She Thinks My Sex Are Spexy

Episode Date: June 18, 2011

If you've listened to the F Plus for any length of time, you've probably found yourself familiarized with certain obscure fetishes. And while some of these fetishes have been really strange, there's always a portion of the listenership that was already familiar with this subculture. That trend ends now. What we have here is a community of men and women who are really turned on by poor eyesight. People for whom the height of eroticism is ophthalmology exams with really poor numbers. This week on the F Plus, we let STOG sing a country song.

She thinks my sex are sexy. They really turn over. Start over. Try that again. It's not sex or spexy, you goofball. Spexy. It would help if it wasn't. I can see clearly now the rain is gone. Hey there, welcome to the F Plus Podcast. Terrible things read with enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm John. The rain is gone I was just asking normally I'd be up for it but I just got this new prescription for my glasses

really high prescription I'm finding it's making things hard to read really really tough when I wear them I have to squint words it's a really strong prescription really very strong

I don't know why they prescribed it but i guess doctors know best so they're just coke bottles even just organic oh it's coke bottles organic lenses like i tell me about your glass you dirty bitch oh oh god uh okay oh i'm Let me explain what that was. Please. Yeah. I am... Well, I am someone that is diagnosed, or self-diagnosed, with OO, which is optical obsession. Oh, okay. I don't know if you know about the community that I belong to, but we are fans of... Not ladies with glasses, because that's a pretty commonplace fetish but we are fans of

ladies with crazy glasses ladies with glasses where their eyes like make them look anime head because because it's like negative 60 glasses um so i'm sorry for victimizing you in that way but however if you are cool with it, then we'll talk. You know, no problem. I mean, I didn't realize you had this particular, let's say, quirk. That's a good word. Yes, quirk. I didn't know because I was just playing it up for you accidentally.

Well. I mean, I should have seen there was something going on with my huge glasses. I should be able to see that. Oh, God. Okay, let's get to some Glasshorn. In the room tonight, we have Boots Reingear. As he had a letter in one hand And a phone in the other

I slipped his glasses onto his face And slid them up his nose John Glasses Jimmy Franks I'm a gay paraplegic vampire with bone cancer And a glasses fetish Sign me up

Or text Who's my sexy spexy podcast? Isfahan. Now I am your crippled reader. Jack-Jack. I took it gradually down to plus 5.75 and he was reading the 2030 line without difficulty. Stog. Morticuccio Forise.

Romeo, I have a boner from wearing these glasses. Fuck me now. Forget about Juliet. And Lemon. There are several URLs that seem interesting. Girls with Glasses, iScene, and Vision World Forum. Girlswithglasses.com. This would usually be the part where I would try to explain to you people what exactly is going on. Can't do that.

Can't do that at all. Oh, thank you. Greatness is going on, that's why. So, thank you. Greatness is going on. That's why. But this is all Bobby, right? No, no. Bobby owns the site, but there's a bunch of people who contribute. All right.

Frame it for us. So check Bobby is the alpha glasses fetishist. Yes. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I get it. Framed it for us.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to stop. See, the rest of the rest of us were ignoring it. Yeah. I don't mind. Like when a bully says bad things, you just ignore him and he'll go away. All right.

Jimmy Franks, do you want to start out by telling us some things about yourself? Dear. Sure. About me. Or what a weirdo I am. No, I'm sure you're not weird. I am an eyeglasses fetishist. I like girls and women who wear glasses,

especially those who need to wear very strong minus glasses. I like plus glasses, too. However, I really prefer thick minus glasses. I like plus glasses too. However, I really prefer thick minus lenses. Frames and lenses have always drawn my attention. There's nothing like looking at a nice woman with spectacles sitting on her nose and seeing her small eyes hidden behind the thick lenses. All right, let's have a brief bit of ophthalmology talk. The minus lenses, those are the ones that make your eyes huge, right?

Yeah, those are for nearsighted. And plus glasses is farsighted. So if you have really, really strong plus glasses, are your eyes really tiny? Well, I'm assuming he just thinks it's like a fucking cartoon when you take off the glasses and they got the tiny eyes on them.

Since I was a small boy, I've always been fascinated by eyeglasses. Glasses are also a great turn-on for me. Drying glasses, wearing glasses, buying glasses, talking about glasses and visual problems. All these

topics bring me pleasure and satisfaction. This guy's probably a great Pua. So what's better, one or two oh keep going just no glasses pua would just be like i bet you have 2020 vision can you see this you can't you fucking whore i don't remember when it started nor why all All I can say about the beginning is that I realized that women with glasses attracted me very early. I think I was about five. Oh, wow.

I also wanted to wear glasses. The state of mind had not been fulfilled for a long time, but when I had my first glasses, I really loved them. Many years later, I managed to fulfill my desire To wear very strong glasses Using GOC Let's see what is GOC This is glasses over contacts Is what that means See you balance them out right

So you wear contacts that have a strong prescription And then you have glasses that have a strong prescription Is that actually what it is It's something like that I think it's also just just the fact that he's wearing two different eye fixing things at the same time. It's like a glass that's fetishist version of double bagging it. Yeah, kind of. You could try looking it up, but seriously, I still don't fucking quite comprehend it, so it's not even really worth looking at.

All right. But I actually want to scroll. You could try looking it up, but seriously, I still don't fucking quite comprehend it, so it's not even really worth looking at. All right, but I actually want to scroll. Jimmy Franks, you're going to tell us a little bit about your teenage years. You may think I often dated girls with glasses. No, no, you're mistaken. Mostly girls with glasses are not interested in me, or probably I used a bad method to approach them. Hi, I want to come on your glasses just just hold your glasses up to my dick and let me jerk off just for 10 minutes okay I made an observer I used to go by tram from one

end of the town to the other looking for a nice sighting. Get it? I saw many girls and women with glasses. I did not ask the girls or the women and girls I saw about their glasses. I only watched them and tried to be as unobtrusive and discreet as possible. They wouldn't be able to tell they're so nearsighted anyway. I think that blob is looking at me

you take off your lenses to clean them for a bit and you put them back on and there's just a dude staring at you right in the face oh hi oh that's some exorcist shit right there I usually travel by the tram or the bus until the object of my pleasure got off sometimes I had to wait for days.

As I've said, I dated two girls with glasses. Ivana was a beautiful slim brunette with big breasts and blue-gray glasses with minus three diopters. I love the two things you can remember about Ivana. She had big tits and the color of her frames. And her prescription. Yeah, the prescription is very important.

He stole the prescriptions all the time. I dated her for about six months when I was 16. I liked looking into her myopic eyes while following her wonderful boobs. Just so you know, I like your glasses better. The other girl was Marie. She was blonde, well-built, not very pretty, and one year older than me. She

fell in love with me soon. I don't realize what happened. I started dating her. We made love with our glasses on for many times, but I never told her that her minus five diopters were the main attraction she had for me. The terminology, the very specific terminology just sticks out so much. Nice diopters, baby. The relationship got broken after one year.

That time I found a new girlfriend, the first girl to whom I told about my fascination with glasses. But as I was 20 years old, I think I will leave the story for the next part. What's the title of the next part? Before Internet. Before Internet.

Alas, we'll never actually get to that part before or after Internet. Instead, what I have for you and it's already time for fanfiction Yay! I love fanfiction Perfect! We don't need to fuck around It was the year 1989

or as I call it, 6BI Alright, Isfahan you want to bring us some lovely B-I. All right. All right. Isfahan, do you want to bring us some lovely, lovely Irish poetry here? A poetic composition for a lazy Friday afternoon in two parts, by the way. When you're young, your eyes shine bright. They focus like lasers even at night. While myopic kids have to get their eyes tested, yours are always relaxed, clear, and rested.

Then college headaches start to arise. The optometrist confirms the problems your eyes are cited for hyperopic. It's quite an interesting visual topic. This is actually some pretty good wordplay, I've got to say. Your eyes have to work more than they should. These mild reading glasses will do you some good. For years, the glasses work quite well. You wear them when you read for a spell.

But for distance, they really aren't required. Although your eyes do start to feel tired. And then at 40 in a dimly lit venue, you find that you cannot read the menu. you find that you cannot read the menu somehow the fact that it's somewhat well written makes it great I love it

presbyopia is what you're told and this diagnosis leaves you feeling old stronger glasses are going to be needed your close vision is worse it must be conceded it just ends so cheesily every time needed. Your close vision is worse. It must be conceited. It just ends so cheesily every time. I-D-I-D-I-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I-D-I- Or at least much better than you were near. Didn't scan so well there.

Sort of hear that line following the toilet right there. Then you look down the hall where a sign is hung, and you wonder, could I really see that when I was young? As I stand here now, all the letters are blurred, but my far vision is good. This is absurd. The way eyes work make me mad. That night when you're reading on the train, and even with glasses, it's a bit of a pain.

The magazine is too close, the print is too small, but without your glasses you can't read at all. You put off an appointment because you know what comes next, even though you're still struggling with small text. You find yourself squinting when driving the car. Is your vision worse now than near or at far?

But finally you accept your fate, and your progressive lenses sure work great. You see better... You see better than you have in years. No more eye strain, no more tears. The only problem that you can find is that now when you're bare-eyed, you're practically blind.

And that's it. Now I have a glasses fetish and an Irish accent fetish. All right. So this one's now called My Own Private Ooh. Oh, oh, oh. My Own Private Oh.

Optic Obsession. I like that Optic Obsession looks like somebody with really big glasses. I'm sure they like that too. It's My Own Private Big Eye Demo-de-con. My Own Private Ew. Ooh! I'm sure they like that, too. It's my own private big-eyed emoticon. My own private eww.

Oh! All right. John, I'm going to ask you a question. Oh, okay. If you would scroll down to section three, please. Section, all right. Okay. So I wanted to ask you, all four eyes, which is your name.

I wanted to ask you, how do you feel about lenses? Well, answer. As far as plus versus minus goes, my interest is about a 75% slash 25% split, with myopia and minus lenses predominating. My general outlook is the stronger the better for both types, though modern and very high minus each have their own unique charms. And I am all but completely uninterested in very weak prescriptions

of 1.50 diopters or so in either direction. I find reading glasses particularly disappointing and frustrating. It's almost worse than no glasses at all. Oh, God.

Screw you. I'm glasses-free hardcore. I shun that spin-around case at Walgreens every time I go in. What the fuck is that? What are you wearing? Where'd you get those fucking reading glasses, Walgreens? you wearing? Where'd you get those fucking reading glasses?

Walgreens? Though I am mildly interested in mild minus used for just driving in blackboards, etc. Especially if the wearer is young enough to be likely to still be increasing in their myopia, and or if the wearer appears to be squinting

and struggling to see with the glasses, indicating a need for stronger ones. Macular degeneration gets me off like nothing else. As someone who has incredibly terrible eyes, I just have to wonder how many people have jerked off to me losing my glasses in public. Well, as the person writing this article, are you doing anything, Twan?

You're going back through your entire life replaying it's like a whole fucking kobayashi scene or text the clue might have been the guy staring at you every time you were on the train oh that was a creepy uncle telling you to read while you're in a car i've been thinking about a way to show how a person's bespectacledness, is that a word? Hmm. Affects my perception of how attractive he slash she is. So I made a sort of chart or scale showing how different specs affect me as a baseline. I tend to look at everyone,

the G factor, notwithstanding as being an ascending order. Number one, uninteresting. Number two, interesting. Number three, attractiveesting. Number two, interesting. Number three, attractive. And number four, hot.

Number five, back to uninteresting. It's a circle. The poohs can learn a lot from this. It's not one to ten with this person, it's one to four. Sexy glasses. Measured in diopters. Now, from just a barely discernible RX,

frames alone do nothing for me unless they're my favorites. There's an asterisk there. I guess I'll leave that where it is. Up to a plus or minus three on most anyone moves up one notch on my scale. What? Everyone is at least interesting and already a hottie without

specs becomes scorching. Alright, hang on. I need to open up Excel. Yeah, the... The junctioning system for figuring out... These glasses give you a plus three to hotness. I think you should keep them. I'm rolling for

orgasm already. Natural 20 every time. Okay. You walk up to her and you say can you tell me what my hotness rating is she says well hold on it's not that easy I have to make a partial differentiation graph

what that function program did to my TI-83 just give it a second I play Doom on my TI-83 hey not very Just give it a second. I play Doom on my TI-83. Thanks, Stog. Stog, how drunk are you tonight? Not very. Okay. A plus or minus three is six moves one two places up,

so everyone's attractive. The attractive to begin with are scorching, and the hotties are boiling. So everyone starts with a base value of attractive. Oh, God damn it, I can't follow this With a plus or minus 6 to 10 Most anyone is hot to me At least going

Number 1, hot Number 2, scorching Number 3, boiling Number 4, blistering At plus or minus 10 to 20 We have number 1, scorching Number 2, boiling Number 3, blistering. At plus or minus 10 to 20, we have number one, scourging. Two,

boiling. Number three, blistering. Number four, subnuclear. Yes, I know. You need a better thesaurus.

Subnuclear? Number four, fission. Number five, fusion. Number six, heat death of the universe. And from plus or minus 20 on,

I am completely melted by the person's intense optical power and rendered helpless and stupefied. Anyone else remember the Nickelodeon cartoon Doug, where Doug has a secure alter ego named Quail Man, who would give the villains the quail eye? That's incredibly specific. That's why she's called Patty Mayonnaise.

What is that in there? Why the fuck is that in there? Don't question it. Your parentheses, too. Hey, remember Nickelodeon cartoons? Anyways, I'm getting off on glass. Well, actually, this last is strictly theoretical, as I've never actually met anyone with this high an Rx.

But if I did, I'm sure that's how I'd feel. I've come pretty close with a few subnuclears. I've come pretty close to conviction with a few subnuclears. I have one more question for you john okay uh which is uh if you scroll down a bit how do you think oh oh compares to other fetishes and also at the same time do you have any other fetishes i'm asking both those questions at once so he so um me sum it up. I say a bunch of shit about the whole eye fetish thing and general interest in BDSM, I guess. And then I say, I also have another

major fetish, which is completely different from my optic obsession and actually my biggest turn-on of all from a purely get-me-to-orgasm viewpoint. If you must know, it's okurashi. Oh, I don't know what that is. Well, I'll tell you. That means I get aroused from having

or imagining I have a full bladder. I told you. Oh, no. Wow. It comes from Japanese, or to wet oneself. Of course, desperation and ultimate loss of control

are the most exciting part for most people with this fetish, including me. Though unlike some people with this fetish, I don't want to have someone else pee on me or make me drink their pee or anything gross like that. Sorry if I offended anyone who likes this sort of thing, trying to stretch mind a bit wider open.

Is that a fetish too? It's not a urine fetish, you fucking weirdo. Is it the wedding yourself? Well, I personally have a mind-stretching fetish. Goatsy brain. My omurashi is strictly a sexual interest. It does not give me any kind of

emotional or intellectual satisfaction the way my o-o-ness does. What? In other words, I can't make a graph of how much you want to pee, Erica. My graph just has two points, yes and no. He is emboldened and cultured every time he sees a woman with glasses.

Hmm, yes. Intellect plus two. What if a girl with glasses needed to pee? That would be thermonuclear. That's super nuclear. I do read websites concerning Omurashi, but only when I'm specifically seeking out sexual stimulation,

once that urge has been satisfied. I'm no longer interested, and I have never written, nor do I desire to write wedding stories. Don't think that shit about me. Okay. Like marriage stories. Is that another thing? What, wedding stories. Don't think that shit about me. Okay. Like marriage stories. Is that another thing?

What, wedding stories? Oh, wetting. Wetting. Yeah, not wetting. Wetting. Oh, dear. Wedding. As in pissing themselves.

Right. Right. Thank you, Scott. Go on. Thank you, Scott. No, it's a genuine thank you, Scott. In When Someone You Love Loves Glasses, I discussed the difference between fetish and obsession, and this illustrates it well. I have a fairly strong omurashi fetish, but I'm not obsessed with peeing at all.

The difference between this and my O.O. is that while my O.O. is completely switchable, meaning I enjoy equally my own myopia in glasses and the refractive errors in glasses of others, my own mirage is completely self-directed. My own myopia? I am so turned on by having bad eyesight! I so can't look at the bottom line? That is fucking awesome. It's only my own desperation I'm interested in. When reading stories, I always transpose things and imagine myself in the main character's situation. Oh, so she's only into herself needing to pee, not anyone else. Is this a woman? I'm pretty sure. I'm not entirely sure, but I think so. All right.

I feel like, John, you might have a couple minor fetishes if you skip a paragraph. Do you have any minor fetishes? Oh, I do. My minor fetishes include an undoing of buttons fetish and a necklace fetish. No, they're not too early. They are hot. Can't you just imagine having

a nice, cool little strand of metal to chew on while you kiss his neck? Uh, sorry. No? I suppose I can, but why? having a nice, cool little strand of metal to chew on while you kiss his neck? I suppose I can, but why? There's nothing more sexy than chewing on metal. That's why. Well, chewing on metal while you have to pee. And glasses.

Don't forget the glasses. Oh, right, glasses. Yeah, where did the glasses go? We totally went off track on this site. And then skipping one more paragraph, I feel like you even have more minor fetishes you want to talk about. Well, okay. I also have a couple minor fetishes that I'm not sure even count as such, since they're closely related to the normal sexual pattern.

You want normal sex? That doesn't count. I have an impregnation fetish, though in real life I'm not at all sure. And a horny guy fetish. How many fetishes do you have? That's not a fetish. Okay, whatever. I have a more than one in-calf-sex-with-me fetish.

That's what the internet's turned us into. The person's like, I'm into sex with other people and nothing weird. Wow, that's cool. We should start a community. Or maybe everybody finds the idea of someone of the opposite sex

or same, whichever way your gate swings, being super horny to be a turn-on. Nope. No one ever. No. Totally unfucking true. What are you talking about? Fucking freak. Yeah.

Oh, man, this person wants to have sex with me. I'm sure I'd be interested in having sex with him. Fucking weirdo. You know what amorophilia is? Not amor, eh? But it's in that paragraph. It's when you want to fucking eel? Well, let me explain it.

You mean the blindfold fetish? Oh, no. Yeah, keep going. Oh. It is a blindfold fetish. It's a blind fetish. It's a blind fetish. It's terrific.

We learned something new today. I suppose, really, my OO is a kind of mix fetish. My other fetishes are all action fetishes. Action fetish! Here to pee on your glasses. In that I'm turned on by what the guy or I do. Even the necklace slash buttons are simply a prop for action and so not a true object fetish.

My amorophilia is a state of being or type of person fetish. I don't get excited over white canes or braille books by themselves, only seeing them being used slash imagining myself using them. But my OO is a combination state of being slash

type of person fetish. I like my OPs and Hyper OPs whether with glasses, bare-eyed, or yes, even with contacts. If I know what's really there underneath, hey, they have to come out sometime. And a classical fetish or object fetish, while most people typically think of when they think

of fetishes, meaning I can also be turned on by just seeing a pair of glasses by themselves. What? Wait, what? Just floating in the darkness. My sex life is complicated. I'm sorry. There's a number of the authors

here. One calls himself Edgar Allan Poe. The Edgar Allan Poe? Actually, he misspells Allan, so it's Edgar A-L-L-A-N Poe. In the fine tradition of Shakespeare, anyway. Yeah, exactly.

Edgar was known to do that. And now that you mention it, there is a guy called Will Shakespeare. And here are the stories that Will Shakespeare has written about his... These are his glasses fetish stories, right? Much Ado About Nothing, All's Well That Ends Well, Two Gentlemen of Verona, Midsummer Night's Dream, Measure for Measure, As You Like It,

and The Taming of the Shrew. What the hell? Wow, that's creepy. I want to do... There is a touch of the taming of Will Shakespeare's telling of the taming of the shrew another story of Will Shakespeare

and his staff of gay optometrists yes that is what it's called another story of Will Shakespeare no wait okay when Stog said that I thought Stog was just being Stog. No, no, no, no.

See, the thing is that Will Shakespeare's stories are all a theme. There is a lens shop called Shakespeare's, which is serviced by, you know, Randy Young Men. Where's Jimmy? Seated in my armchair with a large gin in his hand, he began to relax. And, yes, he was a bit emotional. He shed a few tears, but that embarrassed neither of us. And presently he said, you know, I have a feeling I deserve all this trouble I've had. There was a kid at school who wore strong glasses.

Really thick they were. Coke bottles weren't in it. He couldn't play rugby. He did long distance running instead. But we all showered together. And he always had a raising stand in the shower. You remind me of a guy I knew.

Anyway, we fucked. Poor kid was obviously gay and couldn't hide it. I think he fancied me, and I certainly fancied him. But I wasn't going to let him or anyone lay snow that I was that way. Not then. My mates and I called him names. You know, the kind of thing. His specs fascinated me.

And I used to snatch them off his face and run away with them. He was helpless without them, but he learned enough judo to throw me if I tried anything. So he wasn't really helpless. I'd scream about him sometimes. He was well hung and had a lovely figure. I wish I could tell him how sorry

I am. What the fuck? Also, hello Snake, it's Master Miller. You have to do the next paragraph, too. That's amazing. I digested this information, outwardly calm but inwardly anything but, and then said, if you'll excuse me a minute, I really could do with getting these contact lenses out.

Of course, I didn't realize you were wearing them. I went to my bedroom, put my glasses where I couldn't fail to find them, took the contacts out, sweet relief, and put my glasses on before heading back to the sitting room. Yeah, I love that paragraph! Take those fucking contacts out. No, it's the glasses. Make me fucking hard.

As I entered the room, Bruno started to say something, looked up and saw me, and stopped. He gave a sort of choking gurgle, and then said, Christabel! Oh, Christabel! Yes. That is what you used to call me. Most people call me Kit these days, but you can make it Kitty if you like.

But after the way I treated you at school, how can you be so kind to me? Well, maybe we've all grown up since then, and of course you were beautiful then, and you're just as beautiful now. Oh, oh, darling! He burst into tears, good and proper, and I shed a few tears of happiness

myself as I stroked his head. I see the papers! Yeah, I love the antebellum phrasing here. God is my witness, I will never go hungry for cock again. After a while he stood up, put his arms round me,

and without her glasses clashing at all, drew me into a long, long kiss. Presently his hands began to explore my body, and when he felt my erection, he grasped and said, God's truth, it's bigger than ever. What did I say?

When he gets done fucking him, he's going to hold his limp dick in his hand and go, alas, poor cock. Now listen, I said. You came to me as a patient in the first instance, and that puts us in a professional relationship. Somebody once said that medical ethics mean you can make your lover one of your patients, but you mustn't make your patient one of your lovers. lover one of your patients, but you mustn't make your patient one of your lovers. In other words, if I were to seduce you, I'd be guilty of serious professional

misconduct. So if there's going to be any seducing, it's up to you to do it. I really don't think ophthalmologists take the Hippocratic oath. First, do no harm, so don't put glasses into people's eyes.

This is totally a loophole. You can't seduce somebody, but you can tell them to seduce you. Right, he said with a sudden broad grin that transformed his face. That I can handle. The handling began inside my slacks. began inside my slacks. Now hang on, let me explain what I mean by handle. This is the best Shakespeare play I've ever

seen. The handling began inside my slacks, and then he suddenly stopped and said, you know when I used to snatch your specs? Yes? Well, what I really dreamed of doing was getting them away from you when we were alone in the shower and having my way with you

when you couldn't see what I was doing. What? Interesting idea, said I. Raping me? Yeah. How would you feel about letting me realize my adolescent fantasies with that amount of seduction?

It just might! Okay then, let's take a shower. Don't take your specs off. I'll do that without warning. I should know it's coming. They're such gentlemanly gay lovers. Check out Geryo. I like no warning except for this one.

I like how since Jimmy didn't change his voice at all, it's just two Jimmy Franks in glasses making out with each other. Slick with snake ant mask for Miller. Turn the love box. I want everyone real briefly

to listen to some terrible music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll listen to it right now. There's a reason why, and Stog especially, you need to listen to this. Oh, no. She thinks my tractor's sexy. It really turns her on. She's always staring at me While I'm chugging along

All right, fuck that. That's enough of that. All right, so that's Kenny Chesney. And Stog, you will be playing the part of Kenny Chesney now. There you go. All of glasses. Okay, this is a song called She Thinks My Specs Are Sexy. I love glasses okay this is a song called

she thinks my specs are sexy my specs are sexy no specs are sexy my sex are sexy look I make all this money I can invent new words now her legs are sexy

I could pay off all the dictionaries sliding down my nose now. Her legs are sexy. I could pay off all the dictionaries. Sliding down my nose in the hot summer sun. My dick heavy specs. Lordy, here she comes. Staring at my plastic frames and the lenses are

I need to see. I tilt my head a bit and the white rings gleam. Push them head a bit and the white rings clean. Push them up my nose and the girl just beams. Just look at her face. She ain't a fool in me. God. Great.

She thinks my specs are sexy. They really turn her on. She's always staring at me while i've got my glasses on she likes the way they shine just like a coin flush on the mint what what she's even kind of crazy about my bare eyes too she's the only one who really understands what gets me. She thinks my specs are sexy. She likes for me to tell her all about my sight. Now I can't read

the signs or see well at night. Everything's a fog. I need a guide dog. If my specs aren't on. She says she's got a dream and I ask what it is. She wants a house

full of myopic kids. And one more teeny weeny squint before I take her home. Will she end in two legs or a cute hot butt? But if your eyes are bad, man, her lies light up. Wow. Yeah. Are we going to overlay this song with the original music? No. No, because you didn't sing it like the original song at all.

Maybe you did. I don't know. I didn't listen to it really. Oh, my God. No, because you didn't sing it like the original song at all. Maybe you did. I don't know. I didn't listen to it really. Oh my god. So that was pretty great. But this is not... Okay, this is Paralyzed Lovers by

Touch G. Oh no, this is horrible. This is really, really bad. I'm going with you, Jack. I'll take it. Okay, set the stage. Two lesbians are in love, and one of them is paralyzed from

I think just the legs, and something like that, and the other one wants to be paralyzed too, and so one of them takes a magic potion or something that's turning her paralyzed, and this is what happens. Susan, watching the transfer, said,

Don't worry. You'll get used to watching where your butt is located. It's second nature to me now. How do you like having numb and unresponsive parts? Amy's response was, Dreamy, Susan. Now i'm your crippled girlfriend i will never even be able to sit up without leaning against something this is a major body modification and i love it i hope that you like attending to and making love to a heavily tattooed and pierced paraplegic with a numb breast.

Because that's your fate. She has expository disease. With that, Susan wheeled over to Amy, and the two women embraced and kissed, with Susan jokingly saying, Maybe I'll have to attend to you somewhat, but don't forget I'm in control because I can make you topple forward anytime we have a hug. To which Amy replied, to which Amy replied,

oh god, I'm so helpless now, and numb too, but I bet I'll come if you nibble on my stretched earlobes. Alright, ten bucks! Now, at this point, I would like to break away and say, yes, this is still on the glasses fetish site. Yeah. Needless to say, the two women ended up transferring back to bed. After straightening their flaccid lower bodies and setting their urine collection bags to the side,

they started playing with each other with Amy whispering. That's the right order. That's the right order. Step one, set your urine collection bag aside. Step two, make out. Gee, now I can only feel the foreplay and have to imagine the rest. Is it really just as good as before? Susan, nibbling on Amy's

nostrils, stud, said, Hey, girl! Sorry. It is better than before. With that, Susan started kissing and licking Amy's face, neck, and upper chest. She managed to work her way down to Amy's solitary nipple that retained sensation

and gently sucked on it. Soon, Amy was moaning and saying to her, Oh, that feels good and feels so different when you lick and suck on it. It almost burns or feels electrified. It's so different than before.

I feel like you're giving me contrary feedback here. Oh, that feels different but good, though. It was so thrilling. Susan was basically biting her nipple, so she couldn't tell that that was going on unless she looked. That's hot. She can't do anything.

Yeah. I don't know what's going on. I think I want to skip to rare blood now. Yeah. All right. This is for everybody, too. This is for everybody, too. This is for everybody. Yay.

All right. So this is Selections from Rare Blood. Note, this story is a little different from your regular everyday glasses story. And you're going to have to read it a ways to get to

the good part in bunny rabbit quotes. Myopically speaking, but I assure you there is one, I have attempted to combine my interest in glasses with my impregnation fetish, and my interest in vampirism. Yes, there are vampires

in the story, and they do drink blood, but nobody dies, and this is not a horror story. Spoilers. Oh, man. I forgot about this one. What? But, be advised,

this may not be your cup of tea if you are squeamish. This story is also close to my heart because it deals with being adopted, like I was. You find that to be hot too, freak? I'd just like to point out that the original, the full story is 16,000 words. Yeah.

I still remember how it all started. Saturday, April 10th. Sitting in the doctor's waiting room, waiting to find out why I'd been feeling so tired and bruising so easily lately. I thought maybe he was going to tell me I was anemic or something like that, but I was completely unprepared for what he did say. You have cancer. Oh, that's not good. But Lemon, what happens next? I was near tears thinking about the child I might never

bear when suddenly I remembered something I'd seen on the news about a woman who needed a transplant. I can't remember now if it was a bone marrow or something else, but couldn't find a matching donor. So she eventually decided to get pregnant so she could hopefully grow her own donor.

Oh! Yay! All the right reasons. Luckily, the child matched, and they were able to do a successful transplant and save the woman's life. That is lucky. Like, after how many years?

No, right off of the birthing table it's a boy here you go there's an organ farm in my uterus at 22 i was still a virgin being one of the few remaining old school romantics who thought that losing it all to my losing it to my life partner for life on our wedding night. On our matrimonial wedding night. And hopefully getting knocked up with the first of many offspring was not only the most morally correct, but also the most romantic and sexiest thing I could do.

But if it could save my life. But how, I wondered. I decided to call my doctor and ask about the possibility of this method of treatment. Hey, Doc, can I use my own baby for, harvest my own baby for spare parts? What does the doctor say, though? Nothing questionable about that. Yes! That does sound like an idea that might work, the doctor said.

Wait a minute. What happens after that? Portex, why don't you tell us what happens after that? So after that, in that moment, I was sucking Ashley's blood. It's a pretty steady decline here.

I had this almost transcendental feeling of losing myself to her. Nothing existed anymore but her hand in my mouth, drinking the potent elixir of life from it. The entire world just melted away, and I just dropped back into blackness until I nearly felt that I, too, would faint with the dizzying pleasure rushing through me. As I finally drew back and looked up

into Ashley's eyes with what I know must have been a dazed expression, she said, pretty good, huh? With such a mischievous grin that I had to wonder if this wasn't something more than just a little teenage curiosity. If she knew more than she said,

though I hadn't a clue as to what that might be. What? Wait a minute. What happens after the vampirism? You want to know what happens next? And I thought I was speechless before. Why had I not even thought of that? My next words were brilliant.

C-c-c-contacts? I started. Was it suddenly hot in here or was it just Nate? Yeah, you got a problem with that? He asked gangster style. Oh, no. Quite the opposite, really.

I, um, I, uh, we did like guys who wear glasses. There, I said it. Somehow I felt calmer having it out in the open, even before I knew his reaction. Hmm, how convenient. It just so happens I like girls who wear glasses. What are the odds? Speaking of that, I've been dying to ask since I met you,

what's your prescription? Minus 12? 13? I laughed. Opener. I laughed. You flatter me, Nate. I'm only minus 10. Nine if you don't count the astigmatism. But I always do.

Sounds more significant that way. What's your prescription? Why don't I go take these killer lenses out, get my glasses, and show you? Oh, yeah. Bounce the wow wow. Fuck yeah. This is getting sexy. Stog, take the very next paragraph. With that, he went up

He got up and went to the bathroom I started to follow him in I love watching someone handle their contacts But he shut the door Saying look like I said You kept me waiting a long time So I kind of got something else I need to do here too okay So I sat on my bed and listened to him

Pee for what seemed like an eternity Pee A pee eternity as we call it So I sat on my bed and listened to him pee for what seemed like an eternity. A peace eternity, as we call it. Well, I should point out that this is the same person who has the wedding self fetish. This is the same person that wrote that. That makes sense. Evidently, he didn't want to go only to have me a rival.

He was in the bathroom. I miss my reaction to his romantic setup. No wonder he was pissed at me so to speak when he finally emerged i couldn't help but gasp he had taken off the robe and stood before me in nothing but a pair of blood red silk boxers and major coke bottles major coke bottles in a round black wire frame not the glasses either actual still staring in awe i asked so what are you about minus 20? Now you're flattering me, Jazzy. My exact prescription is R-15, negative 0.5, L-1550, negative 1, ADD plus 2. Look, if you're a glasses specialist, you're changing to a second Kleenex at this point. ADD? I said.

As in bifocals? Come here, let me see. No, as in attention deficit disorder. I wouldn't doubt it considering the way the story's written. Can't you see from there? He teased. I frowned and squinted at him. Now that you mention it, I haven't had my eyes checked in a while. I could probably do with a little more power.

Wait, okay, so now it's the glasses fetish story. Okay, what happens after that? Now you know that it's the glasses fetish. All these fetishes are fucking colliding with each other. It's like a 12-car boner car pileup. It's Spanish pudding. It's Spanish pudding. When I felt

his lips closing over my skin and his mouth beginning to suck my core energy for the very first time, I literally lost my mind. And then wrote the story? So that's my excuse, folks. Well, it isn't past tense.

He says now that I cried out and that he stopped to ask if I was alright, and I begged him to keep drinking, but I don't remember any of that. All I remember is being blinded by brilliant fireworks and feeling like I was on fire filled with radiant heat. And it was all being pulled towards the cut on my chest.

And I was almost certain I could actually see and feel the heat energy being transferred from my body to Nathan's. So that guy turned out to be a vampire, too. A psychic vampire, though. He's an energy vampire, yeah. Totally different. Small world. So it's back to vampires. So whatever happened with the baby?

And then, amazingly, on April 10th, one year to the day after I received that terrible news from my doctor, I went into labor with my first child. Oh, okay. This is going to end well for everyone, I assume. I had gone through a phase early in my pregnancy when I was enchanted with the idea of natural childbirth and was actually curious about what giving birth felt like. But by now I had decided that there is enough pain in life as it is. There's no need to endure it if you have the choice not to. And having gone through several hours of contractions before reaching the hospital, I'd been told to wait until they were five minutes apart

and took their time getting there, I was a most grateful recipient of an epidural. After 13 hours, which felt more like 13 weeks of labor, April rain luck. Yes, a girl. Oh, God. What is that name? What is that name? Her name is Please Wedgie Me.

Yes, a girl finally arrived weighing a respectable seven pounds nine ounces despite being two weeks early. So that kid turned out to not be a match for her, so she has more kids, and then... Okay, so she has some more kids.

Wait, doesn't she have bone cancer? How long is she going to survive needing a marrow transplant? You know, a couple hundred years. She's a vampire, right? Right, okay. Vampires live a long time. Wait, that's a good point, though. When did vampires get cancer?

Wait a minute. Both girls? Yes, it seems the ultrasound check had goofed, and now it was also still up in the air as to whether the twins were identical or not. I was hoping for not. Okay. This time my doctor came in smiling, a most peculiar smile, and said, Well, this time I have some good news, something we thought was bad news,

and some more good news. Okay. People talk like that. The first good news is the babies are both doing well. The bad news is that they are identical. But the good news is they're both a match for you. Yay! Yay!

That's why she wanted it to not be identical I think so that way there would be a higher chance of one of them being a match time to perform complicated surgery on your infants yay I get to survive I can't tell you how happy we were to hear that Nathan and I both literally

Nathan and I both literally wept tears of joy. Instead of figuratively weeping tears of joy. Which is what we named one of the twins, Joy, Scarlet, Luck. Oh, damn it. Why give them a name, though? It's kind of like naming your dinner or something. They call you Mark. In full. We knew it would come off as a bad pun. Anyone remember the Joy Luck Club? I call you Mark. Humph. Info.

We knew it would come off as a bad pun. Anyone remember the Joy Luck Club? Hey. Oh. It's not a pun. It's a reference. Yeah. You named your child.

That's what a pun is. You named your imaginary story child. Whatever. It's a secret. Don't you know what a metaphor is? It means secret. But it was exactly how we felt about her and her sister's birth And the scarlet was our way of commemorating the blood That was such a big part of what has brought us and kept us together

You were born when mom and dad wanted Mom wanted a donor for cancer And you're named after how we drank each other's blood. So you want a mommy and a daddy love each other very much? Okay, so after all this madness, how does this end?

Well, how does this end? I'm not only going to tell you how this ends, but I'm actually going to, with these two newborn babies, I'm going to give you their prescriptions. Yay! Isn't that nice? Wow. with these two newborn babies, I'm going to give you their prescriptions. Yay! Wow. Pretty thorough.

Yeah. Joy and Justice just started kindergarten this fall. Joy in R, negative 17.50, L, 13.75, and a patch. I'm legally blind. And a patch. Her right blind. And a patch. Her right eye is finally improving, but Nathan wants her in the patch until we're sure she doesn't just start ignoring it again with her left uncovered.

Oh. Whatever. Something like that. And justice in our... Okay. Hang on. Let me try that again. Just so awkwardly worded.

Okay. Hang on. Let me try that again. Just so awkwardly worded. Okay. It's like every time you introduce somebody. So there was my neighbor, John, and his measurements are. Yeah, pretty much. Okay. And Justice in R, negative 19. Jesus. Wow.

Negative 17.75. Myodiscs. It's already too late to put her in bifocals, and Nate didn't bother prescribing them for Joy either, since she will probably need Mayos at her next lens change, and in fact is less upset about having a patch than she is about not

getting, quote, glasses with neat little bowls like her sister has. Wow. Yeah. What? This is such a glasses fetishist story like nobody else would care anything at all nope phew the last 10 years of my life have been a really amazing ride i've been diagnosed with and cured of cancer worked for a few years, became so myopic that I couldn't work anymore, and found the love of my life, and had five great kids.

Yay! Happy ending. I can't work and I crapped out a bunch of kids. What would you do if I sang out of two? It's also called Mississippi. I don't know if it's right to say I'm glad to have cancer, but I have to admit, the life

I have now, which is more than I could have ever imagined, would never have happened if it weren't for my illness and my rare blood. Ah, there you go. Iris out. See, that last sentence ties it all together. Now Lemon did a pun.

I hate you so much. I hate you. I literally... I'm sorry, I missed it. I'm fucking boiling over with hate. Are you okay, Max? Sober Stog is scary. I'm not sober now. Stog, I've noticed a pattern recently

that these recordings end with you just wanting to punch everything I do These are awesome I can see clearly now that the rain is gone And there we go. Round about an hour of a podcast you don't need glasses to listen to. John, what do you think we learned this week?

I learned that I never get tired of the porn type description for something really innocuous that the fetish lover loves. Like whether it's the sneezing forum or this glasses glasses thing or i mean we've done so many others i probably can't even remember but it's just you know he sneezed into that and that's just sets them off they do this lurid description or his her prescription was 15 plus men of minus she slipped the glasses off of her face and onto it and it just it's so beautiful to see something so just so benign described so sexily it's hilarious every time it's totally great and you know bad porn follows follows always the same rules like if you're listening if you're if you're reading like bad like normal porn then it'll be like hi my name is julie and i have 32 d dits and i have red hair and i also have a

piercing like it'll be like a paragraph of that before the story actually starts. And then meanwhile, you got this where it's like, anyway, I met my friend Margie and she has red glasses and they are kind of thick frames, but they're like, would this one eye is different from the other.

And exactly. Oh, it's, it's, it's, it's all the same writing level for sure. But with regular porn, especially if you're horny enough, the, the sex part does the work for you. It's like the same writing level, for sure. But with regular porn, especially if you're horny enough, the sex part does the work for you.

It's like, all right, this is written like shit, but hey, tits. Right. But if it's something of a fetish that you're not attracted to or is just weird, it just throws that into such relief how bad the writing is. Yeah. And how writing that's sexy is just like, like wow this is just so great so dumb well yeah and it's it's also i mean paraphilias are kind of complicated porn wise because because if it's a paraphilia you know a porn story goes you know a met b and then they fucked and that's that's the story that you have but but if it's a paraphilia then it's not necessarily that they meet each

other and fuck so then like they meet each other and then they talk about their glasses for a while and then they go away. Oh, well, thanks. Yeah, because in real life, it's not too hard to believe that maybe someone could – two people meet, they could eventually fuck. That's something people do, meet meet up friends with benefits whatever but to do the kind of weaving in plot twisting to get to where they're like taking their glasses on and off sexually it's just such a beautiful journey every time

and I love it I'm really into getting beaten well I happen to like beating ladies I'm so glad we met and if you would like to find new friends to be terrified by please go to our website. That's the FPL dot us. Leave some comments because that's the only way that we know you're there

other than staring at our Google analytics, which we also do too often. Yes. And thanks for listening. In fact, I think I'll go to the F plus right now. Oh, I can't see this keyboard.

Keys are too. Let's end the podcast. Yes. Okay, so his measure for measure, this will be very brief, but his measure for measure actually is a bunch of diary entries. Oh my god, we still have more to read? Yeah, so it's diary entries. Boots, please do the second paragraph of Tuesday, 8 May. At four o'clock, we went down to the locker room. There was nobody else

around, and Steve fished the round specks out of his locker, opened the case, and then put them on me. I looked round, and everything was lovely. Steve said in a choked kind of voice, Who's a sexy spexy boy then?