The F Plus - 57: Gotta Poke 'Em All

Episode Date: August 20, 2011

Since the dawn of the moving picture, studios have produced cartoons to appeal to a younger audience. These cartoons are typically colorful, whimsical, and unscrupulously cynical in their approach to selling merchandise to an impressionable and undiscerning fanbase. And since the dawn of the internet, this very same fanbase has demonstrated their psycho-sexual attraction to these cartoons that only wanted to sell them junk. To that end, we present you with Pokégirls - one man's fantasy to create an entire race of anthropomorphic beastgirls forced into sexual servitude and apparently being fine with it. This week on The F Plus, we take The Elite Whore Challenge*. (Portaxx assures us that joke is funny.)

Oh, no. No, this is based on an actual Pokemon, too. Oh, this might be wrong. They all are. Get over it. No, they're not, though. A lot of them are just like, shit, fuck, the F+, Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon.

And I'm John. And I'm Portex. And Portex, I'm glad you're here for this intro tonight, because we are finally doing the subject that you keep suggesting. Yeah. Or demanding, I guess is sort of more the right word. Oh, yeah. You got all my letters.

Yeah. I've got your letters. I got your emails. You can stop writing them because we are going to do it. I haven't answered the phone calls. Look, we are going to finally do Pokemon. Yay! I love Pokemon. Okay.

I recognize that this is a subject that you want. I feel like it's something that the listeners might be into. And so we're going to... Well, okay, I kind of misled you. It's not actually going to be Pokemon. It's not going to be Pokemon? It's not going to be Pokemon? Not per se.

No? No, it's called Pokegirls. Oh, go on. Oh, yeah, like those little gajinka things where you take a Pokemon and you kind of translate it into a human and you sort of dress them up like they're the same color scheme as a Pokemon. Yeah, I've drawn those before. Those are adorable.

No, no, no. No, not that exactly. What it is is it's one man's creation of the world of Pokey Girl. And what it is, is it's a whole bunch of sort of like, you know, sort of human-animal hybrids that in his fantasies he fucks. And so they're sort of, what they are is kind of... I guess you would call them sex slaves. All right. No. So he, sort of much like a sort of white colonist

in another nation, kidnaps these sex slaves and uses them for his own. And he trains them. He trains them to be better sex slaves. No, no. I see you've been getting my letters. No, that's...

Yeah. No, that's... So that's what you suggested. No, that's not... I think that's what you said. No, that's not... No, I wanted a cute little thing about... Because, like, the new games came out.

Just, you know, the cute little... Right. Snake made of grass and stuff. Yeah, so... Well, yeah, Pokemon, Pokegirls, kind of close enough. So that's what we're going to be reading. And I'm glad he suggested it. Well, let's go.

All right, let's get to the readers. In the room tonight, we have Kumquats Up. A Randy Snatch's personality differs greatly from that of a sex shrew. It's fine. Ella Fuck, I choose you. Bunny Bread. I'm Portex Bread, the anime expert Pokegirl. My element is nerd, and I'm weak versus this episode.

Special torture porn victim, Portex. The heads on my arms do not have brains. I use all three heads to consume and destroy everything. John. Tits, boob, ass, fuck. I choose you. Boots, rain gear. I choose you, Hans von Hokunt.

And lemon. Kunt, kunt, kunt, kunt, kunt, kunt, kunt. Okay. Poke-something. Yeah. The Pokegirls Primer. Yeah, Pokegirls Primer. Okay. Poke something. Yeah. The Poke Girls Primer. Yeah. Poke Girls Primer. Okay. Gotta poke them all. Boom.

First one of the evening. Well done. I approve. Alright. I think Kumquat start us off here. If you would take the, just, you know, do the title and stuff. Go ahead and skip the disclaimers and go straight into definition. Poke Girls Primer. All the information about the PG

world you wanted to know, but were too lazy to get from the Yahoo group. Wait, this is PG? Yeah, I was about to say, that might be too much to hope for, PG. Poke Girl. A Poke Girl is a female creature with special powers

an impressive libido and a natural psychology to submit to a master How convenient Yay creepy That is convenient Some were human females who have undergone

threshold and transformed. Why is threshold capitalized? Because it's significant. Is it a place? No, that has nothing to do with Pokemon. This is completely unacceptable. This is a bat mitzvah here. Yes. The ceremony of threshold. Yeah. All Pokegirls

have some sort of special ability, if not looks, that separate them from normal females. Pokegirls were originally created by Succubi as super soldiers, sexual partners, and servants. So not equals. So not equals. During the war against Succubi, some people found that they could make Pokegirls loyal to a single person,

and this knowledge spread. A person who did this was called a tamer. Oh, that's not creepy. I'm assuming that this is an alternate reality in which Amnesty International doesn't exist? No, Amnesty International is for human rights. Oh, okay. Oh, this is the Humane Society, okay. Sarah McLachlan's going to take care of these folks, don't worry about it.

Poke girls now act as a human's friend Slash slave Slash partner Slash whatever Slash whatever That sounds healthy I need a catch-all in here You can fuck it and do whatever It can be your friend afterwards, I don't give a shit

Yeah, everyone knows that the best friendships are born on being forced into doing whatever the other person says I only utilize the slave in whatever parts of those four. There are two categories of Pokegirls. Domestic and feralborn. Feralborn Pokegirls are birthed usually by

Parthenogenesis. Sorry, that's Parthenogenesis. By Pokegirls who have themselves gone feral. Since they spend their formative years living like wild beasts, they are very animal-cidic in thought and possess strong powers. This has, like... I have yet to come across anything here that actually has anything to do with the fucking game. Like, why even make them Pokemon? Why not just make them, like, monster people?

Well, it stemmed from the attraction to Pokemon and became this. Or so he assumes. So... Or so he's heard. I don't subscribe to this guy's blog or anything. He's heard. I don't subscribe to this guy's blog or anything. Domestic Poké Girls are ones that were either born in a breeder's farm or were a human female that underwent threshold.

Domestic Poké Girls normally have less power than a feral-born one, but will possess more intelligence. It's so wonderful to see a wild slut in the middle of the woods. Look at those markings. Just all unwashed and horny. It's just like Steve Irwin just wrestling down like a stripper in the middle. Crikey, she's a lively one. The only way to turn them on is to put a finger in their butt.

It is possible to increase a feralborn's pokegirl's intelligence, but most tamers consider this as a waste of time when they could be enhancing their combative skills. Oh, really? We could turn her into a sentient human being, but this is a total waste of time. Fighter or fucker, those are your choices, bitch. All Pokegirls

have a lifespan equal to that of humans, save those with the longevity enhancement. Pokegirls with the longevity enhancement can live for centuries. They undergo their first puberty normally

Oh, goddammit. Yeah, that's in the document I'm looking at. This sentence is highlighted. That's what I highlighted and italicized. God damn it. But... 75 point font. But only undergo their second one when they reach middle age for them,

which can take hundreds of years. Ugh. Um. Um. Uh. Yep. Second puberty. Ugh. Um. Um. Huh. Yep. Second puberty. Nice.

So do they grow double hair in weird places? Like, are they twice as awkward? I don't get it. My voice is changing into a divorcee. Are you,

are you pre-post puberty? Are you post-pre-puberty? Yeah, then in like 2,000 years they go through double menopause and it's like... Which I think is also the final attack that they learn, if I remember correctly. Hot flash, go! Poke girls all have strong desires to have sex. Surprise! Really? Poke girls all have strong desires to have sex. Oh, wow. Really?

Yeah. Huh. That's weird. To a greater or lesser degree, depending on the specific type of poke girl. But these hormones only kick in during their first puberty, which happens around the same time a human girl would undergo maturity. God damn it. See, guys, it's not creepy.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they're not sexualizing nine-year-olds. They're sexualizing 12-year-olds. It's perfectly fine. Pokegirls are infertile as far as normal reproduction goes. Oh, my God, that's convenient. Being able to bear young only from parthenogenesis. There are several categories of Pokegirl, only bear- being able to bear young only from parthenogenesis.

There are several categories of Pokegirl, which describe what abilities they have or what their general attitude is like. These abilities are now used in many things aside from combat, as most technology was destroyed during Tsukibi's war. While some hate Pokegirls, most understand that this is the only way humans will survive in this new chaotic world. Well, I find this personally distasteful. Clearly, this is the only way we can go. During the war, our technology was destroyed.

There were just soldiers going around bashing in TVs and computers. Nobody remembered how anything worked. Alright, Isfahan, you want to say Pokewoman? No, no, no. Pokewoman. Yeah, it's Pokewoman. Oh yeah, Pokewoman. Pokewoman.

You know what? That's probably not an accidental thing. They probably actually did change that letter. Yeah, they spell it right later. Pokewoman. accidental thing. They probably actually did change that letter. Yeah, they spell it right later. Pokewomon. A Pokegirl who reaches her mid-thirties undergoes a second puberty and becomes a Pokewomon.

Pokewomen have a slightly decreased libido. Plural. Plural of Pokewoman and Pokewomon. Yeah, it should be Pokewomans. Poke women have a slightly decreased libido,

are no longer subject to parthenogenesis, take a longer time to go feral, and are able to bear children via sexual reproduction, with such children being either human males, human females, or Pokegirls. But no Pokemen, because men that are subservient slaves would just be ridiculous. That's sick. Shut up. This paragraph might as well be our boner killers.

They have no libido. They can bear children. Fuck them. No, don't fuck them. Yeah. Such births are generally one child per pregnancy, with normal chances for more than one child.

Most tamers prefer to have the hornier and infertile Pokegirls in their harem instead of Pokewomen. Haram. Yay! Isn't that nice? I'm going to talk about taming. Well, there's tamer as well.

There's tamer and taming, but you want to do taming. Which really doesn't even make any sense, because taming is in Digimon, and training is in Pokemon. This is just goofy. Oh, you shut up. You shut up. That's completely inconsistent. This is its own thing.

They've created the new thing out of nothing. It's not based on another thing. Yeah, you're right. But, you know, what the hell is taming about, anyway? I have no idea. In essence, taming is all about sex. Sure. Wow.

Okay. We took a left turn here. This is where it gets a little pervy. Break her spirit with your dick. Right, right, right. The process was given a somewhat neutral name so that some people misunderstand what it actually means.

Taming is necessary in order for a tamer to develop a relationship with their Pokegirls. Taming must be between two or more people. A Pokegirl cannot tame themselves. Wait. That's Victorian-era Pokemon taming there. Well, I mean, to be fair, that is true.

They can't rape themselves. They need you, the tamer, to rape them. Taming is all about sex. There's been no R-word in here. Yeah, see? Most hypothesis singulars say that the taming fulfillists some need in the Pokegirl's mind that they must be renewed

every so often in order for their mind to stay clear. That sentence made sense. You gotta fuck them regular. I'm sure that'll stand up in court. Yeah, I'm guessing where this is heading. I'm just assuming this is gonna be like, oh, if you don't rape them regularly, then they go feral, and blah blah blah. It's like an oil change, you know.

You gotta do this every once in a while. Clean out the mind pipes. Every 3,000 fights. A Pokegirl that isn't tamed often enough will eventually sink into a feral state, losing their intelligence. You must have read ahead. They'll start thinking for themselves.

If they go feral, they'll start thinking for themselves. They'll get careers. They'll start getting political offices. We can't let that happen. Oh, God, you're shrinking my boner already. Stop it. I know, I know, exactly. Fight for Pokegirl suffrage. So long as there's a partner participating in the sexual act, the taming need in a Pokegirl

is fulfilled. The partner may either be male or female, it doesn't matter as long as it's human. Two Pokegirls who have not gone feral can even tame each other, however, this only works about half as well as long as it's human. Two poker girls who have not gone feral can even tame each other. However, this only works about half as well as sex with a human would, resulting in the poker girls needing

their taming sooner than usual. They can't tame themselves, but if it's hot lesbian taming, well, you know, we'll let it go. It makes it a little while. It's kind of like the appetizer until you introduce some dick. I love that restaurant.

Anyways. All right. To further fill up the specifics here, a poker girl cannot tame a feral poker girl. Such an act requires a human. So in one paragraph, the word tame has become interchangeable with fuck. Yes. Yes. Yes.

I don't know if I'm skipping ahead, but this list gets, even for the context, it gets weird. It's all this video game stuff, like E-Metals, Evolution Stones, Poké Chow, Church of the Thousand Gods. Wait a second, what? Anyways. Spike Dong. The people who are here for the sex, even they are starting to back away at that point. Oh, man, I'm really trying to work my dick to this, but... Maybe they're the Jehovah's Witness of this world while they're fucking a Pokegirl.

Okay, I want to tell you about taming shock, guys. Okay? Okay. I'm ready to hear about it. Okay, good. I'm sitting down. I'm glad. All right.

This is all fine. It's normal. It's natural. Okay, so the first'm sitting down. I'm glad. Alright. This is all fine. It's normal. It's natural. Okay, so the first time a Pokey girl is tamed, she undergoes taming shock. Uh-huh. That's called trauma, right?

It's called post-traumatic stress disorder. Yeah, but that's a lot of syllables. Taming shock. Well, actually, you're not far off. Taming shock is thought to be due to the mild mental trauma of accepting another as her master. Mild? The mild mental trauma of rape. Of rape.

Well, sure. Rape and enslavement now. Right. Exactly. I mean, okay, you know, in a perfect world, we don't have white slavery, but you gotta live in the real world. It's fine. Anyway, accepting another as

their master that is forming an alpha bond and using their master's mind during Taman to stave off feraldom. Taming shock is a mild condition. The affected Pokey Girl can no longer speak in the first or second person. I know where this is going.

So taming them makes them more intelligent, but they can only speak in third person. Right, yeah. It's like a celebrity athlete. I want to know what they're allowed to say. I'm going to fuck the pronouns right out of you. That's so hot. Instead referring to herself and others only by pronouns or by name. I and you are both pronouns.

Just putting that out there, but whatever. Sorry. Well, it sounds like someone got tamed recently. Anyway, this condition wears off in a few days, though a bear in cases of as little as a few hours and as long as three weeks have been reported. It's worth pointing out that even if a girl who isn't a virgin undergoes threshold, she'll still go into taming shock when she's tamed next. Since that is her first time as a pokey girl.

Yeah. Of course. All the questions I wasn't about to ask have been answered. I just wanted to play a game where you get cute monsters and make them fight each other. What the fuck is this? Do you not see what fighting really is yet, Vortex? Guys, I don't know how you're feeling, but I'm really turned on by really convoluted rules in a fantasy setting. So this is pushing all my luck.

That's a game for children, Pokemon. And this was apparently a collaborative effort, too. So people got together and worked this out. And before anyone else says it, effort well spent. This will make everything better. Let's dive into the profiles. Right. I'm looking at this, and I don't want to look at this.

Yeah, you do. All right. John, do you want to take Milk Mouse? No, I'd love to take Milk Mouse. Milk Mouse, the Mouseketeer Pokegirl. Aww, that's cute. I don't get what? Please do not alert

Annette Funicello's estate. F-U-C K-Y. Why? Because we've got nothing else in our lives. Type. Anamorphic. Mouse, element, normal, fighting, frequency, extremely rare,

diet, milk, dairy products, it's different from milk, nuts and bread, role, unique, libido, high. I believe libido high is the minimum value. No, I'm actually going through this because I was

curious. I see three values for libido. There is average, high, and extreme. There is no below average. Average is the lowest. No, but there is

varies. Evolves from Titmouse. Only known trigger. Tee tee hee hee. Oh, so it was like a bird before and now it turns into a bird. No.

I believe that's a mouse with tits. Yeah, you are definitely on the wrong track. No, it's not. It's just a bird. It's a bird. Everything is fine. Nobody's talking these things. Right, everything is cool. It's just a bird. It's a bird. Everything is fine. Nobody's fucking these things. Right. Everything is cool. It's just a bird.

In the world of Pokey Girls, Titmouse is the clean Pokey Girl. Her libido is average. Oh, well, good thing she turns into Milk Mouse. Thank Christ, man. I wouldn't fuck that with my sister's dick. You're boring. Oh, the only known trigger to evolve it is milk from

milk tit. Yes, and milk tit is the dairy cow pokey girl, if you didn't know. And now it's unknown if massive amounts of sex or multiple orgasms beforehand were required as a stimulant. But, you know, it couldn't hurt anyway.

It helps. Yeah. More experimentation is necessary on this one. Now we're getting into the description, so everybody get their mental imaging ready. Recently discovered by two tamers, Yuka and Ben, this new Pokegirl is roughly seven feet tall and has physical attributes that put an Amachoke to shame. I think we all know what we're talking about.

It does, however, have two major desires. Sexual intimacy and milk. Preferably fresh and produced by a Pokegirl. It does not like soy milk. It's not into that hippie shit. Because then that doesn't come from milk tits, so why bother?

Trainer Ben is the owner of the Pokegirl, though he admits that she could not have evolved without Tamer Yuka's assistance. If Trainer Ben asks you if you want to see his cows, just turn him down. Especially because he makes finger quotes when he says, see my cows. Now, do you guys want to know why this Pokegirl was only discovered recently? I guess so. Regalus. The reason the discovery of this Pokegirl has been so recent is because of the fact that it is very rare for a tamer to have both a milk tit and a titmouse.

Oh. Yeah, that makes sense. I think we all know why. Usually, usually, any tamer who might have had such a combination has already evolved his titmouse, has lost slash given away his titmouse, or has lost his milk tit.

In conclusion, milk titmouse, tit titmouse, milk tit. Okay. We gotta do Ladyba, the ladybug Pokemon. Yeah, Ladyba. No, not Ladyba. That's an actual Pokemon. That's sad. No. Like, the name,

they didn't even change the name? Well, they changed the spelling, but I mean... Like, Ladyba is like a cute little ladybug, see? Alright, well... And who better qualified to read this one than Protest? No! Please read the piece about Ladyba, preferably while crying the entire time. Ladyba!

Ladyba, no! Okay, we. Ladyba! Ladyba, no! Okay, we have Ladyba who's not at all the cute Ladyba that I caught in my game. Its type is anamorph insectile. I don't know what the fuck either. I don't think that's a word.

It's widescreen is what that means. Oh, right. Anamorphic. Its element is bug and flying. Its frequency is common. Its diet is fruit and nuts and an unusual fondness for raspberries. I'm aware of the common pagan elements, that being earth, wind, water, fire, bug. Well, no, bug is an actual Pokemon type.

They all look like bugs. No, but it's an element. It's an element, though. Yeah, I know it's an element. It didn't have no bug. Well, no, bug is an actual Pokemon type. They all look like bugs. No, but it's an element. Yeah, I know it's an element, but they mean type. Well, it's wrong when Pokemon does it too, then. Role used as scouts by most tamers to locate other wild Pokegirls. Secretarial work. Slants. And study partners.

The libido is high if only Pokegirl in a tamer's harem settles down once the tamer has more Pokegirls. I don't think that qualifies as a harem if there's the only... It's just his bitch.

I've got a one-girl harem. All these married men with their harem if there's the only... That's my line. It's just his bitch. I've got a one-man harem. All these married men with their harem. The attacks are tackle, which is actually in the game. Sure. Lust dust, which is not. This should be. Oh, if only it was.

Bloom, butt sprout. Butt sprout is in the game, right? That's not in the game either. Okay, good. Oh, the animation for that in-game is really disturbing. Butt sprout all day. Lady Buzz, in appearance, tend to be slim Pokegirls, with mostly yellow skin with a thin chitinous coating that acts as armor.

Oh, that's fucking hot. Yeah, keep going. Black stripes on the insides of the forearms and calves. Yes, yes. A coal-colored face with white markings. Come here! A coal-colored face.

It's a black face, yeah. Yeah. Black-faced knights. It's Cartoon Brew's favorite Pokegirl. White, insectile eyes, which is not how that would mean a whatever. Breasted our bee cup at maximum without bloom powder.

Well, of course, yeah. I'm a bee cup unless you have any bloom powder. That's just science. And all bets are off. And a thin shell colored bright red with black spots on their back that hides their wings.

They also have four arms! Another feature that is useful for tamers who need to utilize them as scouts, since they can watch via viewing goggles while taking notes for their tamers. I always wanted to rape Goro, and now I can't. Sexuality.

That's the joke I was looking for, well done. Interestingly, there is a variation among feral and domestics. Threshold for domesticality-raised ladybugs have hair on their head, usually kept short or tied up in a bun. Feralborns grow a chitinous white shell over where their hair usually is, allowing them the ability to perform powerful headbutts. In terms of taming, ladybuzz have rather interesting habits. For example... Really? Yeah.

That sounds cute. No, it's not. I bet it is. No, it isn't. Tell me about it. I bet it's cute. No, they have a light inferiority complex. That's nice.

Which leads them to have a high libido if they are the only pokey girl in a harem. Oh, that's fun. That's nice. Which leads them to have a high libido if they are the only pokey girl in a harem. Oh, that's fun. That's fun. They don't consider themselves very sexy and will frequently flirt with their tamer to try to induce tamings from him slash her trying to prove their worthiness

as lovers to their master. So I just want to point out that in the world of sort of sex slaves, these are the ones with the least self-esteem. Yeah, these are the ones that are begging you to have sex with them because they don't feel they're good enough for you. Right, yeah. Which, needless to say, is hot.

Well, yeah, obviously. It says, however, if there is more than one Pokegirl, she will not feel as much need to prove themselves as much as lovers. Which, that doesn't make any sense, though. If you feel inferior, wouldn't you want to prove yourself more? Yeah, when you're comparing yourself to no one, you really fall flat. But when there's somebody else there... Thank goodness somebody else came along to take over the fucking duties.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, okay. This is just Mormon sister wives. This makes sense. Alright, alright. I think it's Bunny Bread's turn. Good! Yeah, it is. Fuck you! This is such a good one. Oh my god! No, it's not! Not even close!

Can we make believe that it is? Hi, I'm Cockadiddle, the penis-obsessed foul pokey girl. Yes, you are! How are you doing today, Cockadiddle, the penis-obsessed foul pokey girl? Well, I'm just fine, thank you for asking. Anyways, I'd like to tell you a little something about myself. That's foul as in, like, animal foul. Yeah, so this is our...

Not disgusting. I think it's a double entendre. This is our speed dating session. I don't think so. My type. Well, I'm a humanoid. I'm also into fighting. Right.

That's your element. He's made of fighting. What's your diet, Cockadiddle? Oh, well, my diet mostly consists of semen, berries, or grains. That is my favorite Kashi cereal. It's berries or grains semen. Somebody's mic is getting touched a lot, I guess. Yeah, that's not the mic that's getting touched.

Anyways, the role that I serve is who the fuck knows. My libido is way up there, and I'm strong versus some shit. Anyways, I evolved into, wait for it, cock-a-dittle-do. I'm sorry, that's cock-a-dittle-duh. Cock-a-dittle-duh. Cock-a-dittle part duh. Cock-a-dittle-duh. Cock-a-dittle part duh.

And by the way, cock-a-dittle duh can evolve into cock-a-dittle me. They're not even trying anymore. It's like they realized how ridiculous this was and they decided to just have some fun with it. Up until now, all the types have been based on ones from the game, but it says to just have some fun with it. Up until now, all the types

have been based on ones from the game, but it says weak versus cat, Pokegirls. Just in general. I love that that's the part that's really bothering you. I know. I'm not listening to anything else you fuckers are saying! My suspension of disbelief is shot. I'm just trying to distract myself.

I'm gonna be over here. You guys can talk about your fuck slaves. Let me tell you about us cock-a-dittles here. My cock-a-dittles, they stand roughly 5'8 to 6'1, and they tend to have B to C cup breasts. Their eye color is often blue, gray, or green. They appear largely as humans, though there are three things that often separate them,

quite obviously from being human. The first is their small wings, usually twice as large as their shoulder blades, unlike most normal humans, but not useful for more than slowing their descent or helping to change their trajectory. They cannot be used for flying at all. It's kind of weird to have them, but whatever.

Yeah, yeah, well. The second is the brown feathers covering a majority of their bodies. Their faces... That's a bigger giveaway, yeah. Yeah. Anyways, these brown feathers, their faces, breasts, and vaginas have extremely short, well-groomed feathers that are never known to move out of place. So my vag feathers, they're just, they're always well-groomed, is what I'm trying to do. That shit is aquanetted down.

What's the third thing? The third and most obvious is their legs. my vag feathers, they're just, they're always well-groomed, is what I'm trying to do. That shit is aquanetted down. What's the third thing? The third and most obvious is their legs. Just like a bird, their legs below the thigh are scaly, and their knees are reverse-jointed. Their knees, however, that's not how bird legs work. Their knees don't bend backwards. You shut up and get back in your corner. I'm trying

to tell you about cockadills. Would you just sit there and learn? Ever since Ladyba, this has become personal for Portax. It is. Fuck you. Burmese, do not bend backwards. You done fucked with the wrong nerd this time. These legs, however, allow them to jump incredible distances,

and combined with their sword fighting capabilities can make them terrifying opponents. Cock-a-dittles are obsessed with men, to the point that they have an instinctive male sense. They can detect the presence of a man, not matter how well hidden, even by magic, and will seek him out. They absolutely love the taste of semen, even coming at the taste of it. Wow, you are kidding. That's how that works, right? Wow.

Going to the beach must be an interesting experience for them. And will go to great lengths to become part of a male tamer's harem. Dildo queens are also acceptable. Great lengths? What? They're always acceptable. Note that dildo queens isn't a single word, so I don't think it's a Pokegirl.

They're also acceptable, but cock-a-diddles view them as a bronze medal to the gold medal of an actual man. This pokey girl I just made actually wants me. Of course, male tamers should beware of having a cock-a-dittle, since her high libido means she will oftentimes try to suck the well dry. If you know what I mean. I'm not really sure.

Full penetration with an actual cock will often send the cockadiddle into multiple orgasms, but tamers should save this for last, as a fully rested cockadiddle will become almost sexually insatiable. After she's already had sex, she'll become insatiable. Yeah, this doesn't sound like a very good thing.

Anyways, about that sword fighting that we barely mentioned, if no males are around, cockadiddles will often masturbate using their sword's hilt. Oh. That can't be sanitary. Oh, dear. Come on, it's the hilt, don't judge. Yeah, I mean,

Jesus, it's not like she's, uh, getting kosher there, or getting circumcision, it's cool. Cockadiddles will only have sex with other females out of boredom. Much like sorority sisters. Cockadiddles will only have sex with other females out of boredom, much like sorority sisters. Cockadiddles cannot stand to be around cat pocahontas, and will either attack or flee if a cat pocahontas is in the area, even if she is with a male tamer.

Who's got a terrible Mexican accent that I want to try out for this? Is this good enough for you, senor? I can do this pretty good, I think. All right, all think. All right. All right. Tell us about Kuntaracha. Oh, let me get there. All right.

This is Kuntaracha, the supreme pest Pokegirl. She is a near-human cockroach anamorph. Her frequency is common or uncommon. Her diet is anything organic, if you know what I mean. Or inorganic. Her role is sewage cleanup, garbage disposal, or seen in harems rarely.

Her libido is low, I say. Oh, thank God. So this is the most likable Pokegirl so far. Yeah. Oh, so Kuntaracha are not one of the most popular Pokegirls out there. Though this is not because of the looks. These insect Pokegirls have an impressive for their frame B-cup.

I love that you live in a world where you're like, They're fucking huge B-cup tits! They're so huge! They're bigger than mine anyways. Oh, I don't know about that. Let me check. Their hair ranging from browns to black, though the rest of

their body remains hairless. In general, they look about as cute as a cutie pie, and are only slightly taller than their cutie pie cousins. Okay, so Kanto and Raracha are very active, hustling around and looking and getting into everything.

This is a problem since Kuntaracha are indiscriminate about what they eat, including spoiled foods, and diseases can easily be spread by those Pokemon's comings and goings. Let's talk about cockroach shit in our masturbation fantas dear. Let's talk about cockroach shit

in our masturbation fantasies. It's like fucking a garbage can outside of El Chico. Thank you. You're welcome. Okay, so... Wait, no. Maybe you and me can be amigos.

Anyways. Kunta and Racha are generally submissive and taming, though very energetic and eager to please. They often

enjoy group sessions, claiming the more the merrier, and are not adverse to lying on their backs as their wings are

somewhat pliable. Oh, thank God. Good to know, I guess. That's a bit of normalcy. Oh, here we get

back to the threshold. Threshold Kunta Racha usually come from a background with insect types, though mainly from Kuntaracha. That makes sense to me. These girls are usually bemoaned their loss of humanity, but tend to find jobs in mathematical areas like accounting.

Wait, what? Or garbage disposal and sewerage cleanup. They're really ugly and no one wants to fuck them, so they're good at math and smart. I'm a group sex whore, but I do have a CPA. Yeah, well, I'm sure that's why they think of, you know, oh, this woman had an education. She's pretty much a cockroach when you think about it.

She can take out the trash and balance your taxes. Okay, I'm taking this one. Oh, you bastard. How's your Mexican accent? All right, fine. Kind-ass cunt. A.K.A. Bang-ass cunt.

Now, when the second name is better than the first, why? The delectable dish poke-a-girl. Wait, what? The delectable dish poke-a-girl what? The delectable dish poke girl. Oh, okay, now I get it. Type, not very near human. How English work. Element, ground.

Frequency, common. My diet is herbivore. I only eat herbivores. That makes sense. My libido is average. I'm a food producer. Oh. Ew, what does that mean?

Never mind, I don't want to know. She produces herbivores. And you make movies about food. Kangas cunts are somewhat difficult to tame, since they like it deep and fast, but their heavy natures make it hard for the most endowed of tamers to satisfy them completely. Big girls need loving. Also, their incredible strength warrants powerful

restraints to make sure they don't accidentally kill their tamer in the throes of passion. Big girls need strapping down. In the tosses of passion. Luckily, their pussy, their collective pussy. Their one pussy. Luckily, their pussy, their collective pussy, their one pussy,

their gestalt pussy, is large enough that it's easy to fist them to orgasm. Oh. Also, they enjoy taking it annually more than most poker girls do. Making that another option for the tamer. Oh, that's why it's Kang Ass Cunt.

Right. Kang Ass Cunts are moderately popular with tamers, but with their taming needs and their slow natures, as well as their constant meat production, most tamers pass on having a Kang Ass Cunt in their harem. What? Those who do have a Kangaskunt usually keep it for the great strength and resistance to damage.

Kangaskuns are hard to hurt by most physical attacks with only stronger ones getting through their thick hide to actually damage them. Wouldn't they keep a Kangaskunt to fuck? Or am I missing the point here completely? No, it's very dangerous to do that, apparently. Great strength and resistance to damage, aka, yeah, she can take some anal.

The fucking is just to train them, then they fight. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, this isn't about sex. The sex is hard work. All right, we're going to get into the first legendary Pokegirl. No! No!

Legendary. No! I like legends. No, Articuno, no. No! We really are just slamming these words into the name. Portex, let me mention, we didn't actually want you to read tonight. We just kind of wanted to bring you in here and be tortured for about two hours.

No! Shut up. Put your bone mask back on. Start crying again. Every night in the moon, it sees Articunt and cries. Well, look, Portex, look on the bright side. When you're playing the game now, you have pre-made names to name your caught Pokemon.

You don't have to think about it anymore. Just come to this site. You just saved some money. You're not buying the next one. That's actually probably how this whole process started. He was playing Pokemon and just called all of his things Fuckachu, and then was like,

I'm gonna make a whole website about this. This really turns me on. Naming them these things. Who would have thought? Alright, I want to tell you all about Articunt, the legendary freezing bird Pokegirl. No, shut up. No, I won't. Nothing sexier than extreme cold.

Everyone else can go away, I'm just going to tell them about the vortex. Now then, Articunt is near human. It is a flying element Also ice element It is extremely rare, in fact unique It is rare to find a Articunt Its role is a mistress of frost It has a low libido

That exists? Yeah, I'm sorry And I am instantly tuned out This is extremely rare. Maybe it eats trash or something. We'll find out. Okay. Artic Hunt is one of the three legendary bird Pokegirls,

with her two sisters being Mole Tits and Zapdass. No, shut up! Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Nope. Gonna tell you more about it, in fact. hate you i don't yes that's fine you're gonna learn more the three of them were the first legendaries created by suki b they covertly targeted supply lines and communication and human strongholds to help

weaken defenses while other legendary pokeys attack the humans more directly. Arctic Hunt's usual tactic during the war was to keep high above the battlefield and to use her natural powers to make blizzards engulf enemy camps, burying them under deep layers of snow, a strategy she used many times to great success. See? Nothing gross about this. We're fine.

Everything that's gonna happen is going to be completely normal. I suggest you let your guard down. Okay, I'll give you a chance, Articunt. Terrific! Thank you for trusting Articunt. Let's move on to the second paragraph and see what happens.

Articunt's body is covered in beautiful light blue short feathers that hug her closely, save for breast feathers, which are white and a bit larger. Her hair is also the same blue as her body, with a little bit of it also hanging white near the front of her head. Her hair falls long and straight down below onto her shoulder blades. She is the tallest of her sisters, standing one inch over six feet. Unlike other bird pokey

girls, Articunt's wings are separate appendages from her arms. Her feet are clawed with a back toe that allows her to grip the ground solidly when she lands. Her nipples are a deep navy blue against her sea cup breasts. Guess what, Portex?

Her cunt is naturally smooth and hairless. Birds don't even have hair anyway. Smooth and featherless. Articunt never wears clothes at any time. No, no. Yay, Articunts. No, boo, Articunts. Yay, Articunts.

I'm going to edit this, and I'm going to edit out all parts that aren't me just talking about the game. It will be the best episode ever. By all accounts, no one has ever attacked or been hurt by Articunt, and even the number of people who make reliable claims to have had sex with her are particularly small. Okay. So I'm reading Artitz. Yes. Artitz, the artist

poker girl. Her type is very near human. Her element is normal and magic. Frequency is uncommon. What? How is it normal and magic? Because I say so. Why are you questioning Werner Herzog?

He has produced so many brilliant movies. I want you Pokegirls to be outstanding, amazing. Boots Ringer is making a reference to the Bravo show, Work of Art. She has a human-style diet. Her role

is domestic, a police artist, and artwork in general. She draws police officers, or... She also draws domestic. I am an artist of police! I am a sandwich artist for police. Whatever the police need,

I draw for them. Artists are short, cute Pokegirls, never going above six feet in height. With smooth skin, hairs that is always two tones of very bright color, such as pink with green streaks, or silver with blue streaks, or yellow with orange, and are usually

and so on. Their eyes are always a range of bright colors, normal colors such as brown or blue being rare. More often, the eyes of an Artex are colors such as purple, blue being glare. More often, the eyes of an artist are colors such as purple, red, indigo, neon pink, or even rainbow

colored. Okay, they're raver bitches, we get it. Looking at her is like looking into the face of the 80s. Just Manic Monday right in your face. Their breasts are usually smallish, around B cup, that's the largest. Whoa, that's a huge breast! I mean, they're only in their first puberty, come on. Oh, that's true.

Until they evolve. Art hits are non-violent Pokegirls and don't like seeing anyone hurt. They will work with police using their art to show if someone is lying. Okay. See, I drew an angry face. Or to provide the sketch of a perp

for the police to use. They also make excellent domestic art. They do, however, like children and will do what they can for their abilities. An artist loves art of all kinds and is capable of knowing when someone has artistic potential. To mock art as something useless is one of the only things that can get an art-itz to show an emotion other than serenity, happiness, or sadness. Art-itz, despite the fact that there are a great deal of them, surprisingly are a rather rare threshold. Are we going to do the title of Pokemon yet? You mean Pokegirl.

Pokewomons. Womons. Alright, the various Pokegirl that I found were Atmoth, the various PokéGirl that I found were Atmoth, the legendary warrior PokéGirl. Asasara. Buttoneer, the beast pirate PokéGirl. Fuck. Butt-tits-free.

No! Right. No! Right. No! That's not a Pokegirl, that's a cell phone promise. Butt-tits-free. The fucking Flutter Pokegirl. Is it fuck-n-Flutter? Yes.

Yes! Oh, that's terrific. That's my favorite convenience store. Boob Gong, the sexy seal Pokegirl. Oh! Blast Hits, the humping and pumping Pokegirl. Of course, of course. Bondage Elf.

Oh, and this is the sequel to the previous one. Bastilla Cunt, the incoming Pokegirl. Boobkini, the water exhibitionist. Cunt Raph. Cunt Raph? Which is like a giraffe, but cunt.

He's like a giraffe. And finally, Combusticunt, the pyro Pokegirl. You might want to get that looked at. This is pretty hot. Alright, BunnyBread, what do you have for us? Well, uh, shame. Let's see here.

I found Dark Atmuff. Then there's also Dildarina. She's the psychic snoozer. No, no, no, the sex toy expert Pokegirl. Also the Tamer's Aid Pokegirl. And we got DigTit. Or is it Digitit? I'm looking to the expert cortex. No! It's supposed to be Diglet!

Ah, goddammit! Dig Tit. I'm glad I could hurt you a little more. Ding Ho. Ding Ho! But wait, in addition to Dig Tit, there's Dig Tit Trio. No! Don't Trio! Oh, god!, there's Dig Tit Trio. I'm guessing they're already Dig Tits.

Dog Trio! God! We're the Dig Tit Trio. And Creativity Abound, we have E-Hore. That's nice. Is it E-Hore? No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait. Let me twist ending here.

E-Hore is the ditzy, sexy, donkey Poke Girl. As in E-Yore, but with a whore. Oh, that's nice. Yep. There's Elect-Clit. She's probably an Electra-Clit, I'm guessing. Right. There's Electabust, who I guess got into Congress.

Ah! Do you want a change in Washington? Electabust. No! In addition, we have Far Fucked. No! That's the delusional Pokegirl. It was fucked from far away.

Yeah? What else you got? Well, there's Frosty Tits. That's frost, and then a T, and then tits. Find it in your grocery freezer. The best one here is Fallen Charlie's Angel. Actually,

that's a reach. No, that's not what it is. Go again. Try again. Excuse me. Fallen Charlie Angel. The Angered Harpy Pokey Girl. And I'm spent. Alright, it's my turn? Okay, I've got a big no for you here,

poor Tex. Gardelfor. No! The Sexcelestial Pokegirl. No! Giant Trollop, the really big Pokegirl. Wait, what? That's Giant Trollop. There's Girl

Rilla, the grade 8 Poke Girl. Guntit, the Marx Woman Poke Girl. Wait, wow. Gynodos, the sea serpent Poke Girl. Oh, wow. Wow. That's a stretch. Go into the Greek for that. That was

nice. Hamtits, the hamster pokegirl. Harakunt, the spearhead pokegirl. Whorefox, the ice fox pokegirl. Ivywhore, the floor... No! No! No! And I saved these two for last. There is Goblina, the crafty cavern-dwelling Pokegirl, and then Hot Goblina, Fire Chief Pokegirl.

Directly related. Okay, that's it for me. Okay, that is my turn then. Yes, it is. I will start out with Halaputa, the electric chinchilla Pokegirl. And next we have Jiggly Slut. Jiggly Slut.

Jiggly Slut. I don't know if there are any strippers that listen to this podcast, but if there are, whatever your name is, Alexis, Lexus, 2Lexus, Lexus2, whatever your name is that sounds like Lexus, please change it to Jiggly Slut. It helps if you're one of them big girls, though. I mean, it really doesn't work otherwise.

I find it funny regardless. Killer Breast. The defending bee pokey girl. Kiss Ital Coatl A.K.A. Quetzal Cuntal Two for one there They're both good puns but I don't know which one to use

I'll just put them both Then we have Coalass What? That's a stretch And then Lickario. No! The orgasmic oracle Pokegirl. Licking tongue.

The tantalizing tongue Poke-what? Licking tongue. That's like a reverse pun. They took a pun and made it the regular word. Yeah, they did. Well, next we have Little Tit. She's embarrassed. And Lugie Ass, the legendary water girl, Pokegirl. Okay, I'm done.

Is it Lugias? Like, as in spit in my ass? No, it's supposed to be Lugia, the giant. So it is Lugias. It is Lugias. There you go. It's even better. Well, you've got quite the eye for this.

Citrus, you should start writing some of these. I don't know my Pokemon, but I know my perverts. All right, Kumquat, what do you got for us? I have Milotit. God damn it! Why, hello, Milo. I have Mongoose, the vicious weasel Pokegirl.

That's good, that's good. Alright, yeah, that one's nice. That one's nice. Moogirl, the human-loving, fast-talking, street-smart, slam-dancing Poke Girl. Wow. That's a lot of skills. That's like a very heavily marketed-by-committee Poke Girl.

Give it sunglasses and a surfboard! I have Mephi Tits, the pheromone Poke Girl. Mephi? M-E-P-H-I. Tits. Oh, I thought like meth. Yeah. The teeth broken off the gun line Pokemon. Yeah, Methi-tits is an actual condition that we know of here in the Midwest.

Oh man, she got bad case of Methi-tits. We also have Mosquitit. A.K.A. Skeeter the hematophagy whore Pokegirl. Right. Of course. That one. That rolls off your tongue. We also have Moltitz, the legendary flaming bird Pokegirl.

No. We have... Wait, I feel like Moltitz should really get tested for cancer. Yeah. We also have Magmemory, the lava Pokegirl. No! That's my favorite! No! No! No! That is my favorite

one! Magmemory's my favorite Pokemon, and they turned into a slug. It was a pretty good pun! Really? Mag memory, that's funny. She does evolve from Cyndacunt. And finally, I would like to

end with Muffgoose. Vagina swan. I was thinking it was like you grab the muff That's sort of Alright Here we go Let's start out with Pegaslut

That's a good jumping off point That's what we're going to start out with We're going to move swiftly into Potcunt Potcunt Potcunt is in a cunt Also you can a feeling. Pot-cunt. Pot-cunt is the... As in a cunt, also you can store things in. You can make a stew in that cunt.

Yeah. Next up, Pussycat. I just liked it because how little he worked on it. Pussycat. Then there's Plot Bunny. Followed by

Pollywhore. So not one whore, many, many whores. Psy dyke. Psy dyke. The dyke who can read your thoughts. My final pee pokey girl is platypussey. I didn't find any Qs that I like, so I have two R's, though.

First is Rapitar. And I think my favorite from all of these so far, Randy Snatch. Oh, yeah! Snatch into a slug gym. Yay! I'm gonna get you. Alright, Portex.

Yay! Time to contribute to your own demise. What did you find? I found some things. Alright, so. First one we start off with is simply Scarecrow. The sensuous straw Pokegirl. Oh, yeah.

Stretchy maid, the elastic Pokegirl. And after that we have Sexy Cute, the hula skirted Pokegirl. And then Sexy Cuter, the sexier hula skirted Pokegirl. And in case anyone's wondering about the level of nerdery here We have Sonica, the speedy pokey girl In case you wanted to fuck a Pokemon And Sonic the Hedgehog and a girl at the same time That's pretty much how I roll, yeah That just shows they know their audience

It doesn't We have Sweet Cunt Sweet Cunt Jones Sweet Sweet Cunt Jones! Sweet Cunt. Sweet Sweet Cunt's badass. Oh god. There we go. There we go. Then we have Sludge,

the slime Pokegirl. Wow. That one's great. Wow, that guy was tired when he wrote that one. Yes, we have Trollope, the ugliest sin Pokegirl. Wow. That one's great. Wow. That guy was tired when he wrote that one. Yes, we have Trollop, the ugliest Sin Pokegirl. I want to point out the Pokemon that can clone itself is named Titto. Name it.

And then, of course, in the last letters, there's a couple more, like Vulvix. No, no! There's Victory Butt. No! There's no Victory Butt! Wiggly Muff. There it is. And there we go. Roundabout an hour of jiggly slot. Jiggly slot.

John, what did you learn this week? I learned that even when it comes to sex and getting off, some nerds can't help but put pen and paper D&D type rules and systems on everything. Because that's what amazed me the most about this. I mean, it's this weird, you know, they're Pokemon, but they're actually girls, and you've got to rape them to train them, and all this weird, you know, dominant, submissive kind of misogynist shit. Yeah, and they all have, like, different attacks. But there's just so much.

Like you said, there's no pictures on here. The sex is just secondary to someone getting off on all these, you know, pen and paper RPG figures as opposed to the physical figures. It's definitely a strange thing to sexualize because I get – and I've seen the cartoon probably twice. And I get that there's the sort of brother and sister and they're all kind of fae and they seem to have sex. I get sexualizing them or maybe like the other humans, but I don't know. I feel like it takes a big leap of faith

to sexualize the strange animals that breathe fire at each other. Well, I think it's also the level of like, this is the only thing I can relate to, so I might as well stick my dick in it. You know, that's as far as it goes. But yeah, it's just amazing the level of nerdiness that goes in it. You know, that's as far as it goes. But yeah, it's just amazing the level of nerdiness that goes in here. And it's like

the nerdiness itself is what they get off on. I will admit, and here's me coming out, I've played a pen and paper RPG before, but when I've been balancing things for dice stats and all that, I've never thought, man, this is giving me such a boner when I get a D10 roll.

But apparently these guys had a differing opinion. Maybe you weren't playing the right game. In addition to Vortex wanting us to do an episode about Pokemon, I want to thank literally the five people who went to the site and

suggested Pokegirls. There was a number of you. Agnostic Watermelon was the only one that wanted to be mentioned, so thank you, Agnostic Watermelon. Thank you as well to the other four people that really all stumbled upon Pokegirls at the same time, wanted us to read it, but didn't want to be associated with it, trying to distance yourself from the Pokemon.

Portax, did you learn anything? I learned that there's no light or hope left in the world, and that good things do not happen to people. That's true. And since we live in an abyss that's not worth living, you should visit thefpl.us

Leave some comments, like us on the Facebook, suggest some episodes for us know, we need those ideas for episodes. Please stay right into our abyss because our abyss stares right back into you. Share our pain. And we'll see you next week. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Say goodnight, Portax.

Goodnight, poor Tex. I'm going to start drinking. This is what's going to drive me to do it. This is what finally did it. This is what's gonna drive me to do it. This is what finally did it. This is what finally made me do it.