The F Plus - 83: Just The 160,000 Of Us

Episode Date: October 13, 2012

Some people believe that it's poor form to make fun of people with legitimate mental issues. We have a slightly different ethical stance on the matter, mostly centered around the fact that Connie Marshall makes us all giggle. But anyway, if you were to have this standard, where would you draw the line? If people with schizophrenia are off-limits, what about people who don't have schizophrenia, but pretend like they do? Wouldn't that just be a different kind of mental disorder? And if those people were banging on about how they're being persecuted by the "singlets", wouldn't that drain any compassion you might otherwise feel? To test all of these, we're exploring Multiple Systems - a complicated architecture drawn by people whose brains are basically a television with a hyperactive remote. This week, we're running out of voodka.

Ask Xander to turn in music, because he just does La Cucaracha. God damn it, Xander! Hold your breath. Make a wish. Now count to three. Come with me, and you'll be In a world of pure imagination Take a look, and you'll see

Into your imagination. Hey there, this is the F Plus Podcast. Terrible things, red of enthusiasm. My name is Lemon. And I'm currently John. John, how are you doing this week? Oh, we're doing just fine. Thanks for asking.

We? Did you turn Borg recently? I know that you've been out for a couple weeks. Did you get hooked up with 709 and that whole thing? Oh, I wish. You'll need to read my fanfiction later. No, I just discovered, thanks to VK, who submitted the information on multiples to us, that I have fictive headmates.

Well, they're not fictive headmates. They're not in anything else. I guess they're just regular headmates. Fictive headmates. They're not in anything else. I guess they're just regular headmates. Fictive headmates. Now, what the hell are you talking about? We're all excited. We're just a buzz in my head now that we get to explain this to you. Basically, what happens is... It's like schizophrenia, except it's not.

And it's like Sybil, you know, the movie with... What's her name? You know, Mrs. Steel Magnolia doing the thing with all the people in her head. It's like that, except it's not crazy and there's no basis for it, just like in Sybil. Yeah, I have other people in my head. That's about it. There's no explanation. There's no reason.

No real basis for it. I just do. It's my identity, so shut up. Okay, so you're not schizophrenic. You're just pretending to be? Yeah, I have all the symptoms and all the trappings of being

mentally, you know, unsound, but I'm not. So there. So what sort of people are living in your house? Well, let me introduce everyone. First, there's Ron. Okay. He's a 45-year-old gardener.

White, of course. There's Sean. He's a 19-year-old pothead. Jesse Pinkman's like his idol. There's D. Sean. I'm guessing he's the urban one. Why would you say that? Does that matter to you?

Never mind. Moving on. There's also Dawn. She's very pretty. 26-year-old. She wants to be a dancer. I think you know which kind. Ballet, of course.

There's also Dawn. He's a guy. 20... How old are you, Dawn? Sorry, excuse me. How old are you, Dawn? 31. Yeah.

So these characters that you've come up with, Ron and Dishon and whatever they were, doesn't seem like you've put a lot of work into them. I have a suggestion for you. I have a suggestion for you. Okay. Have you ever heard of anime? Of course. Okay.

So what you should do, rather than having your Ron and your Dishon. Okay. So there's a thing called Tumblr, right? And it's mostly populated by, like, weirdo anime fans. So what you should do is you should take all of those girls that are all named Suzuki. Or wait, no, Sakura. Sakura, right? They're all named Sakura. And then just cram all of those into your skull. And then make internetam all of those into your skull. Hmm. And then make internet posts about it.

That sounds good. But I don't know how I can do that. Do we have any internet posts like that or similar to like that that we can read? Sure. Are you alright if we're reading things that are written by weirdos? Well, of course. Well, I'm not, actually. I've since given that up. But Juan would be okay with it. All right!

So please start up the episode, and I'll let Juan front to help you. All right, Juan. This will be muy caliente. Readers, assemble! Andele Ariba. In the room tonight, we have John. My headmates are a thing of Ritz crackers, and they are in order. Amy, Aaron, Alex, our guys.

Vortex. I'm actually the only person in this podcast. The rest of the readers are my headmates. Stog. Toddler and flying dog are countered by speedy kitten and Sega Genesis. Boots rain gear. Once I rose above the noise and... Oh, goddammit, Xander. Speedy Kitten and Sega Genesis. Boots Reingear. Once I rose above the noise and... Oh, goddammit, Xander.

Bunny Bread! I'm Bunny Bread and I'm an Algorolic. Thank you for letting me do this. Yes, Fahan. One of my headmates is an Ottoman. And Lemon. I think that, like, maybe we also have, I don't know, cute privilege or something,

because we look like 12 and people give us things. Tumblr! To the little, little, little, little, little, little funny land. Come on, come on, come on, let's go to imagination. All right, Portex, what do you have for us? to imagination Alright, uh, Portex, what do you have for us? What fresh hell are we eventually meeting?

This is multiple systems. These are people who have multiple people living in their head. They do not have multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder. They just have multiple people living in their head. So very tiny people.

Yes. And if you think they need to explain what the fuck that means, that's too goddamn bad, because they're not going to. We represent the Tumblr Tots. So, this is the FAQ. Alright, so Bunnybread,

you have some questions, is that right? I guess, I don't know. No, switch to the personality that has questions. Yes, holy shit, I've got some questions. Sir! Mr. Toast, or John, or whatever you're going by at the moment. He's gonna sell you something.

So anyways, what's a multiple system, Toast? Well, I'm glad you asked. It's a group of people sharing the same body while still being individuals with their own personalities and interests. Well, that sounds decent. All right, great. So what's a system? Well, it's a term used for someone who's multiple to refer to all of them. Family works, too.

Okay, so it's not multiple systems. It's a system of multiple. Is that right? Right, you are a system who has multiple people in it. Ergo, you are a multiple system. So you're not like a... What intentionally obtuse wording? All right, whatever.

See, it's like a solar system in your head, except instead of the sun, it's sadness. They also use terms like collective and group and team and just, you know. Oh, so group and team, those actually make sense. Alright. What is in-world, sir? Well, it's a living space slash world

for the headmates to go and spend their time while not fronting. What? So it's like a mental green room. Yeah, exactly. Yes. 100%. It's when they want to stop backing the fuck off of a player, they go... In some cases, it's merely a parallel mock-up of the world around the body. So it's what is actually going on, they just stop pretending for a few fucking seconds.

No, they never stop pretending. Quit being stupid. Okay, alright. Sorry, sorry. My bad. Uh, Toast, how the fuck does that work? Well, the fuck this works is the easiest way to describe it is like being in a single room with a single link to the world or worlds beyond the room. So a door.

So like being in a room. Sure. Okay. It's a door. So do you have multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder or some shit? Well, there are people who have natural multiplicity, and there are some who have MPD slash DID, which is sometimes also called trauma-based multiplicity. Not very fucking many. So yes, natural multiplicity are the people we're reading about.

These are people who just naturally have people in their heads. Oh, okay. As opposed to the people with dissociative identity disorder who have it unnaturally, like against God's law. Basically, the idea is that people with DID, that's just a fragment of someone's one personality, and it's split into different sides of one person's personality. This is natural multiplicity, which is different because you have different people in your head. Just because. Holy God, this is infuriating.

Alright, any more questions? I want to move on before anybody realizes I didn't actually answer the question. What is the difference between natural multiplicity and disassociative identity disorder? Damn it, you're actually wanting me to answer things. Okay, a natural multiple was Let's continue. What is the difference between natural multiplicity and disassociative identity disorder? Oh, damn it. You're actually wanting me to answer things. Okay.

A natural multiple was born as a multiple or born with the capacity to become a multiple without trauma. Meaning they made it up. Someone with DID split through trauma to go from being one or two or more. Okay, but you're none of these things anyways, so fuck it. Why did I even ask that? Well, no. I mean, that's how the real world works, right?

There are natural things that also can happen from trauma, and they're both equivalent, right? No, they're not equivalent. This is natural multiplicity. It's different. Continuing. Okay. I don't know. Which one of you is the real personality?

Just dish for me, baby. Come on. We're not personalities, and we're all real. Oh? If you're referring to the person who was here first, then ask a more specific question. Oh, well, if we're going to be a bitch about it, fine. Fine, fine.

So who does the body belong to, you fuck? FFQ is sassy. All of us, really. Who had it first? It's best to ask the question carefully as to not offend the system you're asking. Fuck you. Some systems don't even have... God damn it.

No, no, no. Some systems don't even have the original person anymore. So again, please don't assume. Yeah, they got kicked out. Because they were annoying? All FAQs, the person who wrote the question is the same person that wrote the answer. So you're avoiding your own goddamn questions. Holy shit, John the question is the same person that wrote the answer. So you're avoiding your own goddamn questions.

Holy shit, John and I are the same person? Asshole, don't assume. Oh, oh, oh, Toast. Please, I'm dying to know. Where do your headmates go when they're not fronting? Wasn't that already answered? When you are not putting your very shiny new teeth in,

where do your headmates go? Sometimes they go in-world and ignore meatspace. putting your very shiny new teeth in, where do your head mates go? Sometimes they go in-world and ignore meatspace. Meatspace? Let's just savor that word. Roll it around in the house for a second. Damn, now that's a vagina term I will be adopting.

Other times, they'll stick around and look over the shoulder of whoever's fronting and say, Yeah, kick his ass, daddy! And wear heads. We've heard that some people find the term meat space distasteful

or even offensive. Is there another word that might work here? Yeah, it's reality. Exactly. Let's find an annoying. A swimming pool full of meat will work. That's a crockpot So what's it like living plural?

Does it change your day to day habits? It's interesting at best And it depends on the system I didn't answer that question either We're done I know Ismahan and Lemon are kind of exhausted already But don't worry This is a

We're about to get to an actual system, so this is a system named We Are Magneton. She has named herself after the Pokemon because there's, you know, I don't care. Anyway, she... It is common for multiples to introduce you to everybody who's in their head.

Magneton... Yay, I get to talk about me! Yeah, so Magneton... Me's. I get to talk about me. Yeah, so Magneton Mees. Mees. I get to talk about us. Sorry. Is a notoriously nutty one. She has, god, maybe 50 people in her head. This is just a few of them.

Alright. Boots, you want to introduce me to your system? Hi. Your system, right? Your meat space? Hello. Hello. Hello, we're the Magneton system.

Yes, like the Pokemon. Sure. Yes, we have problems. Oh, shut up. We need an auto-tune filter. You don't have problems. Go on. There are several regulars, as well as a number of fictives and walk-ins.

Walk-ins. What are you, a hair salon? So they get paid scale. So they don't have a reservation. They have a talking role, in which case they get paid a couple hundred dollars more. Sort of. Norm, how's it been? Yeah, sometimes there's stowaways.

Sure. Fictives are just what they sound like. Headmates who were originally elsewhere and moved in here. That's what it sounds like. Yeah, okay. I thought you were talking about the bullshit plurality. So fictives means copyright infringement. Yes.

I got you. In your head. Anyway, walk-ins are the way I define them. Headmates come and go as they please. They'll be here for a while. They'll leave for ages and we'll think they've gone. But they show up again out of the blue. When I remember them.

They are not permanent system members. They just crash on your brain couch for a while. Your head is like a retail job, like during the summer a bunch of kids will come in. Yeah, when their girlfriend kicks them out they come and crash at your place. Oh no, it's Christmas! I need to hire on more personality.

It's the holiday Tumblr rush when you have to make a lot of posts grabbing attention. So you need to bring in some extra fictives to fill in the gaps. To make sure you stay interesting. All right, what people live in you? Okay, okay. All right, the people. PM. Prime Minister?

No. Postmaster? Prime Minister? No. Prime Minister of all my crazy personalities? No, not Prime Minister or Prime Meridian or anything. It's short for Postmodern Macro. That was my third guess. I'm the host. Oh, fuck. You're the annoying one. Yeah, the one annoying one.

I'm the host. I use that term in the sense of hosting an event or a party. It's my body. They just hang out here. I'm also the original, but overall, that doesn't mean much as far as realness goes. I've met some systems without originals. I'm otherkin, of course. Yay.

A badger mole, to be specific. It's just, that's from Avatar The Last Airbender, just so we're all aware. Of course. Thank you. We can't have a single thing that doesn't have pop culture in it. Although, I have an avian and feline side as well. What shows did you steal those from?

I'm a badger mole bird cat. Hey, that's interesting, but I'm another personality inside your head. Oh, yeah, this here's Tommy Raymond. Yeah, I'm Tommy Raymond. That's right. Sup? You probably already know me, and if you don't, why not? I have a blog.

I have a blog. Wow, god damn, this guy has a blog, folks. I have a blog. Wow. God damn, this guy has a blog, folks. I have a blog. I talk a lot there. I'm a diagnosed pyromaniac. That's not something that needs a diagnosis. I don't really do much, but I'm thinking about getting a job. Setting shit on fire.

Is anybody going to pay for that? Maybe as a barista? I have as many tattoos as I do fingers. So six. And all of them are necessary. I've got a lot of scars, too.

And about half of them are self-inflicted. Usually on accident. Do not play with gasoline, guys! Guys made of gasoline? I'm playing with gasoline guys. Yeah. Guys made of gasoline.

The gasoline guys! It's pretty much impossible to offend me, so feel free to ask me whatever. Although, no questions about my junk, please. I am sick of those. Is your junk a crispy sausage? Well, hang on. I need to introduce you to my sister, Bunny Bread. That was Tommy Raymond.

Yeah. He's kind of a dick. Hey. But don't ask him about his dick, though. Yeah. Anyway, here's Tabby. Tabby Raymond. I be a hoe.

I like sex. I like it a lot, baby. I currently live with my significant other, GQ motherfucker named Jamie. Wait, no. GQ motherfucker named Jamie. I like sex, drugs, and techno. And I prefer my drugs inside delicious baked goods. Actually...

You probably don't like drugs that much, then. Nope. That's seriously badass. Not so much. I like cocaine brownies. I just like pastries, whether they're special or not. I make bitchin' cookies. Those cookies bitch all day.

Oh, it's hot in here. Let me out. Hey, Tabby Raymond, are you a diagnosed sexomaniac, too? Maybe. Why, you ask? There's tax breaks for that, you know. Really? Is there anyone else?

Yeah. Here's Andy McClain. Okay, first off, I am a chick. I've got tits and a vag and everything. Tell us about your vagina. Vagina. Tell us about your vagina. I'm a lesbian and a serious world slider,

and my vagina can open beer cans. Really? World slider? What is that? Cortex? I think they're saying travel to different dimensions or into other people's headspace. I'm pretty sure. Yeah, why not?

Yeah, sure, yeah. I'm a lesbian who jumps through portals with John Rhys-Davies. Yes. Also got a vagina. I'm a lesbian who jumps through portals with John Rhys-Davies. Also got a vagina. I'm a badger changeling and a mutant who can speak to computers. And even when I'm not, I'm still kind of a technopath and a boy. Wait, wait. I don't know. Wow, you're so interesting.

All right, next we have... Do it. Yeah, we got Marvel Steve. My name is Steve Rogers. Yes, that's Steve Rogers. I was born in 1922 and rebirthed in 2005. Gross. Indeed, that is gross, sir.

Please let me continue, fair citizen. At what point between 1922 and 2005 did you crawl into a woman's vagina i forget exactly but she was a big bitch big big big old bitch and i believe her name was andy mclean i can't remember exactly but uh continuing i apologize for that joke i just couldn't resist when When I'm not being Captain America, I like to draw. Captain America isn't my only job, you know. I also like to draw and I do needlepoint.

I also paint a little, but I'm not as good. Is Captain America Steve Rogers down there on the boardwalk? Okay, do you like roller skating? Do you like roller skating? That must have been a deleted scene from the movie. I don't remember that. What do you like roller skating? That must have been a deleted scene from the movie. I don't remember that part. What do you mean the movie? This is real.

Captain America, the first shut-in. I'm happiest when I'm covered in charcoal or with my husband, Andrew, or with Tony Stark. It's still so... Just have a gay three-ways. That's what I do. It's still so strange to call Andrew my husband, but I'm proud too.

Period. And also smiley. One-eyed smiley. There we go. Okay. That's one thing we really knew about people from World War II era. They were real open about homosexuality and really cool with it. And interracial homosexuality.

Yeah, absolutely. And here we go. Wade. Hi, I'mity. Yeah, absolutely. And here we go. Wade. Hi, I'm Wade. Deadpool, bitches. I am awesome and sexy and can do all kinds of great shit. I'm responsible for all the awesome and sexy things that happen here. I like tacos and chimichangas.

And fuck you, internet, that is a word. Chimichangas is a word. Yes, it is a word. But it actually is a word. It is a word, yeah. Nobody's saying it's not. Fuck you, internet, that is a word. Jimmy Chong says it. Yes, it is a word. But it actually is a word. It is a word, yeah. Nobody's saying it's not. Fuck you, internet. And the last of my personalities,

because we certainly haven't got annoying enough here, is the space fear. Corsac? He likes space a lot. He has a blog. I don't know why. He decided his name is Pike. So if I don't look like a Pike, that's who it is.

Oh, good. Alright. And if you go to Space... Yeah, pretty much if you go to SpaceSphere's blog, I don't remember where it is, but it's pretty much the fucking routine from the game. I want to go to SpaceSphere. Oh my god, so they have to keep separate blogs for all this shit? Yes, they do.

Because otherwise it's not legit. You know. Oh, you're right. Okay. He doesn't get his tax break done. It's almost like this person is trying too hard. Nope. What gave you that idea? It's real. It's natural multiplicity.

Alright, so what's next? We should probably announce who we are as we're saying things, but when you have head know, when you have headmates, they talk to each other, right? Yeah, that's true. That's right, yeah. Yeah, so this is someone's headmates where one of them gets drunk and the other one's talks, so, okay. Alright, cool. Okay, so,

yes, here we go. A night in hell with headmates. Something that totally happened. Sure. I'm Adrian. Vivian. I honestly wonder why he always be complaining about living with us. And why y'all steal my lucky charms. Well, I'm Vivian.

Because you are a drunken Irish bastard with no understanding of what's going on around you. Oh, this is Adrian again. No, that's been a tad stereotypical, lass. I haven't been a... Oh, excuse me. I haven't had a poitin. What the fuck is that word? A poitin?

I haven't had a poitin in a long time, no, have I? I'm Rose. And what's a poitin? A stiff fucking drink, me lassie. Stiff? But how can they be stiff if it's a drink? And then Alan shoos her into her room.

Room in the head. Not in front of Rose, please. She's only ten and would appreciate if she stayed in the mental state of a ten-year-old. Quit corrupting her. Oh, by the way, I'm Alan. Because if you tell a ten-year-old that drinks exist...

The thing about ten-year-olds is that they're six. You guys didn't know that? This is like a mentally stunted ten-year-old. Because math. Yeah, okay. Oh, it's Adrian here again. I didn't mean to. Sorry, Alan.

I could just go for a good drink about now. I'm Vincent. I want vodka, girly boy. Get some. I hate your bitch, Vince. Vincent? I vant voodka girly boy gitsum! I ain't your bitch, Vince! But you vant to be, bitch, yes? Girly boy.

My name's Caddy. You guys, please calm down. Some of us are trying to sleep. I vood if girly boy here get voodka. My name's Caddy again. Get along or I'll make you and you won't be happy.

I'm ViVian and you see why I hate sharing a place with them? Hey guys, it's Z. Does anybody here got any weed? Group turns to stare at her. Stare, stare, stare, stare, stare.

Ellipsis. What? And scene. Yay! We really need to work on our improv here, guys. It's great to end on a high note. The mixed nuts are back. We are the worst improv troupe ever.

What accent pronounces vodka as voodka? Headmade accent. Scandinavian? So this next thing is really short, but I think Lemon needs to read the whole thing because I think it'll make him really happy. I bet. Yeah.

It's really short. You'll like it. What? Okay. What? Okay. What? Okay, here we go. Was some of this supposed to make sense? I'll explain it to you later, my friend.

Alright. Okay, so I was messing with my headmates. I was reading an 18th century play for a British literature class. All headmates paying attention because the professor likes giving pop quizzes, you know, so that's why all my headmates are very interested in good education. So anyway, so me, I don't know which one me is in this situation. Aren't they all me?

Whatever. Anyway, me, I pause in reading, hey guys, and then Peter says, yeah, man. And then I say, I just lost the game. And then they all collectively groan. And then Bill goes, Goddammit, Xander! Ha ha ha ha ha! Classic Xander. I'm glad I shared that story. Yeah. It's almost like

he blasted through that because I was making him angry or something. You just got self-punked! Wait, did they talk about the rapper? No. It's even dumber than that. Let's see, it's the internet, the game. Wait, the internet is a game? It's a stupid internet joke

where everyone is playing the game and the only way to lose is if someone brings up that you're playing the game right now. Oh, God. Oh, God. It's hilarious. And you all lost. Goddammit, Xander.

Goddammit, Xander. Goddammit, Xander! Please go back to the late 1990s. I've lost so many other things. So do you guys want to read about headmate suicide or intrasystem dating? Oh, it was dating, dating, dating, dating, dating, dating! There you go, Stog. On intrasystem dating.

Hi, everybody. Welcome to Fuck Yeah Alternatives. Fuck Yeah Alternatives. Here's the little thing on inter-system dating. I've been with a headmate for basically six years. I wouldn't even call it dating at this point. Intimacy is hard. No kidding.

I've written a few things about it, but it is an incredible relationship. We're poly. In head, and there is an understanding that I can date and even marry outside. Polyamorous with the people that...

She's dating her imaginary friend, and he said it was cool. She marries someone who's real. But aren't you jealous of yourself when you drink off? The hardest part for me is knowing that the love of my life for the past six years cannot be that man the one i marry in some ceremony introduced to my parents and friends etc

and moving to find someone else is hard he's okay with it i'm just not sure how you handle it all dating outside while having this relationship inside so this is really when we get right down to it this is the most narcissistic motherfucker on the planet. He's so in love with himself, he wants to marry himself, and is sad that he cannot. No, he thinks about lots of people. He thinks about Naruto, he thinks about

Pikachu, and you know, all the other people that live inside of his head. Anyway, I don't know how you would break to someone outside that you are deeply in love with someone inside. I would do anything to have him be both, and it hurts that I know he can't be. Outside and inside.

And now here's some music videos. It's such a shame we finish each other's sentences. That's how close we are I'm sorry honey I hate to tell you this but I've been cheating on you with myself so this is only a few things but this is

multi highs this is the cool parts of being a multiple I only pasted a few of them in there but I think there's like one for each of us approximately but there you go. Oh, jeez. That's a lot of bullshit.

This is no where as cool as Clone High. It's true. Multi High is... He only has 15 people living in the head. No, Multi High is a classroom with just one kid sitting in it, but there's like 30 people there. Overcrowding in our schools is a serious problem.

Multi-high number 37. There's a specific altar that knows just how to cheer me up when I'm having a rough time. She always buys me flowers and leaves them in my room. In your head room? In your head, yeah.

In your real room? I'm pretty sure. She just shoves them into your... Take it! Also, open the door! The alternative is she buys flowers, takes them into her room, and puts them on the bed,

leaves the room, and then comes back in. Oh my god, how sweet! Oh yeah, sprinkling rose petals to surprise yourself. Is that what it is? Yes, that's what it is. Shit.

Rubbing your head, somebody comes up. What's wrong? Oh, the flowers in my imaginary head apartment are wilting, and it just smells really bad. All right, 67. When you're not sure what to do with a relationship, and there's someone older and more mature than you in the headspace to give you sound advice. Uh-huh. Uh, no.

Listen, I've been there. I don't know why you haven't. I kind of want to do this terrible thing. What do you think? Oh, yeah, you should probably do it. Listen to me, I'm older and wiser than you. I'm 48 years old and I also love Homestuck. Really? What a coincidence.

So it's fine. Very high number 87. What? One of us getting a little too drunk. And someone else fronting to take care of our body. Does that mean you blow under the limit on a breathalyzer? Yeah, totally. Apparently.

Moody High number 38. When you pass by some cute dogs on the sidewalk and all the female alters squeal in unison. Because women do that, right? Yeah. Yeah. They do. I just pictured them walking down the street. Oh, cute dog.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Or it's like a pig squealing. Wee. Multi High number 88. When you wake up to find your bed covered in glitter, because the little ones inside needed a little pixie dust to go along with their happy thoughts. That's fucking...

That's something that really happens a lot. This does. Pixie dust flies out of your ears if you have enough happy thoughts. Yeah, just by coincidence, everyone with small children, headmates, just happen to be like the super intelligent, precocious, like happy Pixie Fairy Dust

dreams candy teddy bears type of little kids. For some reason, they don't act like real little kids. They act like cartoon characters. Oh, there's multi-high number 21. People think you're a genius because all of your headmates have varied interests. So you have access to lots of information.

I'm a fucking smart person! Because I watch lots of anime! So does somebody say, I think you're a genius because you have all of these headmates? Is that something that was actually communicated to this person? To the outside, it looks like I know a lot about Final Fantasy 7 and Final Fantasy

8. That's pretty good. And finally, Multi High number 75. When my younger brother turns himself into the music I need in situations where I can't have my earphones in. What the fuck?

He physically becomes the music like a transformer? He turns into music. We built this headman. What the fuck? He physically becomes the music like a transformer. We built this headmate. Yeah, it turns into Carry On My Wayward Son by Kansas. I have two headmates. It's Carry On My Wayward Son

by Kansas and Xander. Carry on my wayward son There'll be peace when you are done Lay your weary head to rest Don't you cry no more So, uh, you guys are making fun. And you know why you guys are making fun? Why?

Because it's really stupid? No, because you're all singlets. And you all have singlets. Oh, shit, you're right. We're all wearing unitards. We're all wrestling uniforms. I was wondering why I was wrapped around Andre the Giant. Yeah.

I wasn't. We know that about you, Toast. God, you drink a lot. You always forget. Didn't the cops make you stop doing that? The man is dead, you asshole. Andre has so many lawsuits against you. Everything's so much clearer now. Okay, so yes, you're all singlets, and

so therefore, you know how white people have white privilege? You're all singlets, and you all have single singlet privilege. Shit, yeah! Take that, unwashed masses! So you guys are going to have to read about your singlet privilege checklist, I think. Oh, shit. Oh, boy. Oh, shit!

Last time I was in a job interview, all I had to do was say I was a singlet, boom, got the job. Yeah, I'm now president of the United States. They've actually done scientific research to show that people, when they're looking through resumes,

they'll take the person with a name rather than the person that put down ten names on the resume. And one of them is Deadpool from Marvel Comics.

Oh, no, no, no. They have an institutional... Carrie Sander and Deadpool. Well, as a singlet, I'm somewhat of an expert on this, so I can tell you that as a singlet, it is assumed you exist.

You will be legally recognized as a person. Now, you all make sure to keep your certificate of personhood, right? To keep your certificate of personhood, right? Yep. You won't be told that you need to stop existing as an individual to be healthy. Yep. Not existing is pretty unhealthy. So far.

You won't be told that you're a hallucination. I don't know. It depends on which homeless person you're walking in front of. You're not even there, man! You won't be told that you're fake. Yeah, the homeless guy says that in multiples like, thank you You won't be told that you're faking your own existence You tell that to my mom You won't be told that you exist as the result of someone else coping with trauma

Yeah, tell that to my mom Your mom's crazy. I'm the result of pity sex. It will not be assumed that you exist as part of a disorder. Boots? Boots? Boots? No. Okay.

Good to go. Sorry, Boots. Sorry for assuming. You can go to a mental health professional about an issue unrelated to being a singlet and not have the subject changed to the fact that you're a singlet. Doctor, I have a problem! It's that you're a person, isn't it? No, hang on.

I mean, there's more than that. You can go to a mental health professional with the expectation that your issues will be regarded as real. Now look, when you're getting kicked out of a psychiatrist's office for making shit up, and...

The person in my head is sad. No, they aren't. Ehhh! Your past experiences and memories will not be questioned for being a singlet. You will not be assumed to be a danger to yourself or others for being a singlet. So that not be assumed to be a danger to yourself or others for being a singlet. So that

kid who shot up the movie theater... There's only one of you! Who's going to tell you not to kill the president? Can I summarize all the points so far? Is that nobody will recognize what the hell you're talking about when you mention that you're a singlet. Yeah. People will immediately think of

Andre the Giant and Toast keeping Andre the Giant decent. Somebody's got to do the dirty work, man. I'm proud of what I do. You will not be assumed to be a danger to yourself. Being out and vocal as a singlet will not threaten your personal life, job opportunities or risk institutionalization. Out and vocal as a singlet will not threaten your personal life, job opportunities, or risk institutionalization.

Out and vocal? Everybody in Walmart, I'm only one person. I'm here. Liar! I'm here, and it's just me. Get used to it. I'm here, and I'm singlet. You can expect to see other singlets represented in the media in a positive light. Jesus Christ.

We'll keep going. He's been on that. I guess you're right. As a single person, I have a lot of role models. Being a singlet is not vilified or exotified by the media. See Sybil, Fight Club, the majority of this page. No thanks. Your race and or species are not called into question for being singlet.

So you saw the movie Sybil and you said, this is an unfair representation of people like me. Yes. Okay. That's what you took away from that. I thought the multiples were like saying they're not multiple I don't even know Because people who are plural

Are shown as being crazy That's not fair I'm naturally multiple What the hell is this aren't you guys kidding Naturally multiple I naturally have people Okay Your capability or mental health are not calling into question

For existing as a sing health are not calling into question for existing as a singlet. Are not calling into question for existing as a singlet. Huh? So by the mere fact that you exist, people don't automatically assume you're... This was hard enough to understand when you wrote shit correctly. You can easily remain ignorant of the existence of multiplicity. I guess we could have, yeah. That would have been nice.

I wish I could. Yeah, that is some blissful right there. Blissfully. You can dismiss multiplicity as illness, childishness, or imaginary. Check. Yes, I can. Doing it right now. Looks like I did, yeah.

You can go your entire life without being called a singlet. Well, wait, weren't we just like 50 times? Up until Tumblr existed, then yes. Up until today. I really had a 100% track record. Goddammit, Xander. I was wearing it with pride for a little bit, but now it feels dirty. You can ignore your singlet privilege.

Well, I could have up until the fucking list. Thanks. I'm feeling guilty. I don't. See, now you guys thought the demisexuals were attention whores. Hey, you fucking singlet. How are your crotch sweat spots doing?

Like, stuck? Like, you stuck. Oh. Thank Stark? Thank you, Stark. Yeah. This is discrimination tastes like candy. This is a post on DeviantArt, of course. This is a terrible punk band. This is by Bag Tree. Bag Tree? Bying Tree, maybe?

Bying Tree. Or something. Bying Tree. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Hello, all. I am Bying Tree. That's cute.

I'd like to tell you about my mood. For I am feeling rejected today. Oh's cute. I'd like to tell you about my mood. For I am feeling rejected today. Oh no. Why? Is it because you're annoying? Yes, it could be. I believe you're onto something here. I'm a fucking detective. So,

looks like finding housing isn't going so well. I've had two doors shut in my face for trying to come out as multi. Once, after two days of being strung along doing education and 101 work. I've had this problem. I've been, you know, house hunting.

I was looking at a place. I was just about to buy it, and all of a sudden I started going, boop-a-dee-dee-dee-dee-doo-doo. And I had to explain. I'm like, oh, that's just carry on my wayward side. In one case, because they didn't want to deal with more than one more roommate. Yes, because all of the housing ads want five roommates to take one room.

Not 400, it appears. What? The other... Yeah, they turned me down because I got 50 fucking cartoon characters hanging out. The other because the nature of multis made one of them uncomfortable. Yes, ooh, look at me. I'm a singlet with my singlet privilege. Discrimination!

It tastes like candy! And it's totally legal! That made perfect sense to me! What's the problem with you? The implication is that this is just like someone being turned down for housing for being gay is the implication that they're... They're saying, can you imagine that this is legal?

In some states, you know, gay people are beaten to death for being gay. But this guy... Just for what? It tastes like candy. But this guy didn't want to hear me be like, Hi, I'm Ash Ketchum. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Watch me fuck people. It's more of that infuriating writing on the coattails of the gay movement to try and...

Try not to let it get me down. But, period. Again, that's all. Well, period. Again, that's all. Well, period. Again, that's a good enough sentence for me. It is period. Wow, is one of your headmates the people who write ad copy for Apple? Yeah.

Multiplicity. It's like one, but many. The new personality five. Because even though I expected it, the reality is still a slap in the face. If I had been in the singlet

closet, I would have... Yep, what was that about? It was horrible in there. Nothing but... Sorry. So much ballsweat. I would have a room right now

in a nice place. No, you wouldn't. This is a certainty. No, it is indeed a certainty. I am right about everything. This is a certainty. The room was offered, then withdrawn after I came out of my clothing and then said,

Hello, I'm a cartoon giraffe! Now, get on me and ride around the room! All of this at all, like, had anything to do with the application process for a room? Because, I told you, it's the exact same thing as gay people having to stay in the closet and deny who they are. This person's just admitting who they are by saying,

Hi, I'm a fucking attention whore! Oh, well. That which does not kill me only makes me stronger. Like homelessness. Exactly. I've lived through shit worse than this. This won't

beat me. However, my other personality, the Incredible Hulk, probably. Oh! This has been Rogan the Barn Tree. Thank you. Oh, so this is Joe Rogan's new stand-up routine. It's pretty good, I think. It's improved.

Cry no more! Yeah, so in Tumblr you can send somebody anonymous questions and then they'll answer it. So someone had sent this person a comment, a question comment thing. And they responded to it. Alright, so hi, I'm an anonymous commentator. So, hi, I'm, uh... I'm an anonymous commentator. Or commenter. I'm not a commentator. Are you fucking serious?

Plural systems tilde are complete bullshit. DID is incredibly rare, and it is a disorder. Pretending you have magical other people living inside your head just because OMG, sometimes you feel different

is really fucking stupid. And it diminishes the issues people with DID, you know, people with real problems have. And not only does saying and not only does saying you raped yourself add on to that, it also spits in the face of rape victims everywhere.

Rape is fucking serious, you piece of shit. Yes. Why are you laughing? This person, yeah, so this multiple person at one point had claimed that one of her headmates raped her other headmate. So, yeah, so you can take the rule if this loathes some individual. Hmm. Yep, that's what I wanted.

Godspeed. Okay, so I have six points to counter your argument with, and they're all really good. Okay, number one, you are being very singletist! Oh, Jesus. Okay. Okay, number two, yes! I'm offending singlets?

You're offending multiples. No, you're just living like you're living in a world. You're singletists. Yeah, your privilege is... Singles are privileged. So like if somebody's being mean to a black person, they're being whitest? Right. Yes.

Yeah. That's how that word works. If they're white. Okay. Okay, number two. Yes, I know rape is serious. That's why the possibility is so overwhelmingly horrible! But it's not possible for your head to rape itself.

Singletist. Aww. Just because they're made up doesn't mean they're not real. True. You know, I thought singlet was a dumb term, and then singletist appeared. Number three! I did not say I raped myself. I said it was possible

that I and or my headmates may have assaulted slash raped each other and or that we might have had non-consensual sexual interactions. So I didn't say that I raped myself. Said that I raped myself.

I didn't say I raped myself. I said a whole bunch of fucking verbal gymnastics that means I raped myself. Duh. Anyway, that was, I mean, sort of good points, but anyway, I need to get a good point here. Let's get serious.

Number four, you are also being anti-magic! What? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All those wizards are offended. Yeah, fuck that. That one guy pulled a rabbit out of his hat,

and I was just like, fuck you, man! Check your muggle privilege, asshole. Number five, and really horribly ableist. Oh, God. Sorry, what was that? And really horribly ableist. Oh, God. Because one of your personalities is And really horribly ableist. Oh, God. Because one of your personalities is hijacked.

You're Achilles' tendon, I guess. With all this Tumblr shit. One of my personalities is in a wheelchair. Look, all my personalities are the new Ghostbusters. Or the BK Kids. Or the BK Kids. I have some personalities that will turn white. I'm really surprised it took us long to get to I'm really surprised it took us long

to get to ableism with all this Tumblr shit. And finally, number six, part of rape culture is denying the experience that plural people have with rape and sexual assault. So in order for the rapist to win, people have to think

I'm an idiot. Puff the magic rapist lived in my head. And he fucked Deadpool up the ass. God damn it, Xander! Now do you see why I hate living with these people? They're all raping each other. They're all dragons raping each other. Every day.

Um, okay, so, Toast, you have to read this because this is probably one of my new favorite posts on the internet ever. Okay. Okay. Whoa. Yeah, the title... And she has been internet in a row. This is a post by someone calling herself Weary Turtle. Aw, that's cute. It's a little turtle.

So, yeah. Jen here. I just got off the phone with my mother. My parents are forcing me to go back to college. It's really unfair. They say that if I don't go back to school, they'll stop paying for my apartment, bills, and other living expenses.

Oh, my God. Oh, how hard is my life? It's unfair because they said the same thing about me about five months ago, except instead of going to school, it was seeing a therapist and taking medications. Yeah, that is unfair. They pay for all my bills

and then want me to take them for living. What? After every sentence, I could just picture rolling her eyes like, oh, the people on the internet are not going to believe this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Medication. What a crock.

Now, I'm currently doing both of those things, so the school thing came as a huge surprise. Apparently, they were planning it all along. My mom said the next step after... Asshole's conspiring to get me an education. Jeez. What jerks. Apparently they were planning it all along.

My mom said the next step after school would be for me to start working. I'm so angry. I'm so angry that my parents have basically been planning my life behind my back and are forcing me to go through with their plans by threatening homelessness.

Yes. It's your parents' fault that you have to do things like go to school and get a job. If not for your parents, you would just be, I don't know, able to tiptoe through the tulips and not a care in the world. You know what? I'm actually kind of angry at your parents for allowing

this to happen. The thing is, planning my life behind my back, it wasn't like, oh, you know, you're going to be a doctor. I said you're going to. It was just, you're going to get a job. You're going to stop hanging around talking to yourself in your room. You're going to get something called a job?

Now, let's be fair. It's not that I'm unappreciative of all that they do for me. Of course not. Also, let's forget the previous paragraph entirely. Yeah, erase the last paragraph. Don't worry, we didn't get that impression at all. Exactly. It's just that, like so many others, they don't understand that I'm unable to lead a normal lifestyle for someone my age.

I can probably handle school, but am definitely unable to work. What is that? Are you disabled? School is different than work because you gotta... Oh, shit. Now, let me explain. Parents don't understand that I'm not always in control of my body. A toddler and a flying dog cannot do work intended for an adult human.

Now, okay. I mean, that's just taking that sentence by itself. That is true. I guess on its own, that is true. If you had not said anything before that or after that. A toddler and a flying dog could do some work intended for an adult human.

Probably not do your taxes. Running around the room going, You know what? A toddler and a flying dog cannot do work, but it's fucking awesome. Oh, yeah, no. They could probably go to school. I mean, they just couldn't do work. Why can't the toddler and the flying dog go to college but not work?

Look, I think if Tommy Pickles and Falcor really worked together, they could get something done. That's all I'm saying. I guarantee you if there was an actual flying dog, it would not be hurting for work. Yeah. It would have plenty of opportunities. Also, if there was a toddler riding him,

I mean, they'd probably written it. Literal airbender. All right. I wish my parents would believe me. Whenever I try to bring up my multiplicity, they tell me they don't want to talk about it, or they tell me they don't know. They about it, or they tell me they don't know I seek attention in such a ridiculous way.

Sorry, I was tripped up by how those words didn't work in a sentence. I think they meant how they don't know why I seek attention in such a ridiculous way. I think it's probably what they just screwed up typing. The flying dog. They're clearly quite aware of the attention-seeking. It all made sense up until that point. The flying dog doesn't know how to type on a Tumblr. Toddler's okay at it.

Toddler's pretty good at it. Well, Falcor doesn't know how to work a keyboard. I am not looking for attention. I am sick of their singletism. Dear Tumblr, I don't want attention. And publish. 553 notes. The flying dog and toddler in my head do not want attention.

I am so sick of being told that the reality of my life isn't valid. It is incredibly abusive to do that to anyone. If I can't go to work or school, I feel like it is the least they can do to at least take care of me. Especially after I have had to suffer at the hands of their singlet privilege for so long. Holy shit! I am a tired turtle, and I am fucking pissed. I'm pissed too.

So Isfahan, what are your thoughts on that? Okay, okay, before... What really gets me about that is that people with actual real disabilities that aren't things they make up in their head, you know, you hear a lot of stories about people struggling to work past those and to have a full life and to do that, and this person's like,

I have a disadvantage. Everything should be given to me all the time. Yeah. I'd also like to do a quick shout-out right here. This reblog was made possible by Watchful Entity. Otherwise we wouldn't have it because Weary Turtle deleted her entire blog.

Whoa. That's okay. I found Weary Turtle's introductions to all of her multiples. I just want to introduce you to Momo. What's up, Momo? Hi! I'm a flying dog!

I can talk. I can't type, however, so I'm dictating to Jen. I'm pretty much the pet of this system. I love my head mates, but I'm kind of afraid of Derek. I like to fly in the woods and eat fruit. I don't eat meat

because I physically feel the pain of other animals. That's what dogs do. Even your bullshit has bullshit. Yeah, he's a vegetarian dog. Okay. Alright, Algorol. Algorol. So you have to read it, Algorol. Algorol.

So you have to read it like Algor. Algorol. I am a genderless and ageless astral being. I am fairly new to this system. My headmates and I are currently trying to discover my purpose

in our system. So it's like post-college, genderless, ageless, astral beingism. They ain't got a job. It's advanced shit. I have arrived. What would you have me do? Eh, I don't know. Flipping burgers? That's so...

Fuck that, I'm gonna post on Tumblr. About flipping burgers. You can sweep the floors, I guess Ooh, this coin-shaped patty of meat Is coming along nicely Turn the patties over Flip them up on the downside What else, what else, Algorol?

I have little interest in earthly things Except hamburgers, so our best guess is that I am here to act as unbiased mediator when my headmates argue. I have little interest in earthly things, like making up headmates. So people, yeah, people's multiple systems are like a fucking sitcom where they have to introduce new characters every so often to keep the audience's interest. Well, we're also really quickly reading something. There's one person that was basically doing a questionnaire for all of their personalities.

And one of them is a mermaid, but they don't have to read this whole thing. I just want someone to read this question and answer. Holy shit! Who wants it? Holy shit! Number 36. Are you all human? Only

two of us! Tonban's American! of us, ton bands are murking. One of the personalities inside my head is a pubic wave. Just the two of us. We can make it if we try. Just the two of us. Just the two of us We can make it if we try

Just the two of us Just the two of us And there we go! Round about an hour of irritating, crazy... That's... whatever. John, what'd you learn this week? Well, I may have mentioned learning something like this before, but it's still very cogent, so I'm going to say it.

The exaggerated version of liberals that a lot of hardcore Republicans give, they exist, and this is another group of them. I may have mentioned it before, but the thing is, like, when hardcore Republicans talk about, like, gays or, you know,

I don't know, anything like that, you know, that's kind of in the more liberal, social liberal kind of frame. They talk about, oh, they just want to allow everything. If we allow gays to marry, then dogs are going to marry ducks and cousins are going to marry every other cousin. And it's going to be nothing but, you know, inbred, you know, blah, blah, blah, and all this stuff. And so, but their whole point is that if we allow this as a valid identity, then they'll just allow any identity. And that's what's happened with this small group. Thankfully, it's not

all of the left side. But with this group, that's what's happened. Because they say, being multiple, having fictives, all this is my identity. And you know, gays fought for their legit identity, so we can use the same stuff and say our identity is legit. And you can't say anything.

And it just has this effect of like, oh, every identity is legit and you can't say anything and it just has this effect of like oh every identity is legit uh if you want to say you're a silly serial killer if you want to say you love having sex with swans sure it's your identity go nuts there's there's also an interesting thing of of like yeah if you like you know the the santorum argument exactly of uh you know if if if men are allowed to sex with men, then how come men aren't allowed to have sex with turtles? I mean, you know that line when you see it. Yeah. And it's also one of these things of if you spend all of your time with anime and you just consume it and you and you think that that's that that's like part

of your life when it becomes part of your actual life like it is uh it is disarming to other people exactly and it's not interesting at all yeah i mean these people just need people in the light well they don't but they really need is people in their lives who can sit them down, go to a coffee shop, have a hard moment, and say, look, honey, you think you have the entire cast of Naruto in your head. For one, that's crazy. For two, it makes you horrible to be around because you talk to them in your head and you act like a crazy person,

which I'm starting to think you are. They need to have that hard conversation, but either they don't know enough people to have that person in their lives and somebody, you know, that would actually stand up to them and say that to them. But also, when people say that to them online or even in ways that, you know, that would affect them, then they just say, oh, no, you're offending me. You're triggering me. You're hassling my head space.

Oh, no, something that doesn't agree with me. You're hurting me. And it's just, and they just curl up in a ball and say, all right, hug box, people who agree and love with me, you know, validate me. And it never, never changes. It's, you know, it's, it's, they're, they're probably also indigo children. Um, sure. There's a, there's, there's a thing of, of, I mean,

obviously I think that it's pretty safe assumption that the people that we're looking at here in this episode were young. We would assume that they were all, like, teenagers, right? Probably a fair assumption. We would hope. I'm going to hope that the people in this situation are young. And part of being young, part of being, let's say, 16 years old, is being kind of annoying and having a personality that you feel very strongly about and you don't really understand is not

pleasant towards others. And that's fine to a certain extent, but you should be working towards it. Like when you go up to a girl and you say, hey, I'm into World War II. Did you know that bombers were, and then the girl walks away from you. Of course. Your reaction should be, oh, that girl didn't like it when I talked to her about World War II bombers. Let me rethink this whole thing.

Exactly. You don't double down on your fucked up bullshit and hope that it's going to take you further. Yeah. I mean, you say that, but then, if they double down on it, they might find a fictive headmate that loves them for it. In fact, loves everything they do. So, you know,

that's the better, I think that's the best outcome in that kind of situation. Now, let me say this. If you are 16 and you have a horrible personality, have I got the website for you. It's thefpl.us. Please comment on our posts and say thanks to us. We'd love to hear them.

Here comes the influx. Yeah. Well, that's the website. We're always looking for comments. People have been absolutely, absolutely, absolutely terrific about submitting content. Delightfully. And we know that before this episode that you're listening

to now, there was a gap. Those gaps will happen less. I'm not going to say they won't happen, but those gaps will happen

less when we do get some submission content. So thank you, and please keep them coming in. Don't bother stopping, because

even if we don't use them, hey, we might. So keep them coming. Yes, please. Oh, and by the way, if you have any

head mates that want to find a place one of the dons moved out so contact me I'll be up for it goodnight don't Don't someone need a loop back?

Hi, I'm Spike from Degrassi. You may have missed me. Spike from Degrassi. Degrassi Jr. Hi, Spike. Spike, yes. Wake up in the morning. I got to lay for school.

Yeah. The hell was that? That was the grassy junior high theme song. Oh, I remember. I don't know what he did. Stop the net importance. Maple syrup hockey. And.