The F Plus - 86: All RFIDs In Me

Episode Date: November 16, 2012

Hypothesis, thesis, antithesis. It's those three words that distill the Scientific Method. A way of thinking that has brought our society the majority of the gifts given to itself over the last thousand years. But some people (mainly from the Southern US, to be frank) have decried this methodology, believing it unknowable when an inkling becomes a theory. This is all just as well, because the folks over at Godlike Productions have come up with a new crucible: Go to a hideous website, explain your theory to uncaring nitwits, and if you still believe what you think by the time the thread dies, your statement is fact. This week, The F Plus all have our hands on our vaginas.

Hey there, this is the F+, Terrible Things, Red with Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. I'm Acer Roccalotto. Oh, is that how it's pronounced? No, it's not. Okay, good. I've been lying all this time, actually. Terrific.

Acer, I understand you have some content for us. Is that true? Well, yeah. Long story short, on the day that Neil Armstrong died, I decided to go look on the internet, because I'm sure a lot of people had some very well-informed opinions about him. Sure, yeah. Well, I wasn't wrong.

There were, but... But you ignored that and went to lunatic websites instead. Well, that's not exactly it. I mean, the thing is, there's a lot of people who thought that Neil Armstrong was in with the cat conspiracy, or the moon was made out of like Nintendo chips or something and yeah that was too that was too easy okay that was I

was bored with that so okay but everything kept pointing back to this one absolutely ridiculous website whose design looked like it was made in 1991 good what's it called godlike productions now I realize it doesn't that sounds more like one of those religious things than one of these conspiracy theories. Kind of sounds like a terrible ownage clan website. I never considered that. But yeah, this is disgusting. I see lots of ads.

And then what's here on the side? I see lots of ads. And then what's here on the side? Okay. Dave Petraeus, Barack Obama, Satan, UFO. Yeah, yeah, I think we're good. Yeah, I think that'll do just fine. Just turn Adblock on, whatever you do.

I never even noticed that. Sorry about that. All right. Readers, assemble! Yay! In the room tonight, we have Boots Rangier. I know probably not a thing a former pope should be saying, but the Buddhist religion is full of wild stories. Hey, Sir Aquato.

What the fuck? That's weird. Guess this podcast is connected with more dimensions. Bunny bread! Ever notice how some cats' eyes glow red, some glow yellow, and some glow green when the light hits them just right? Yes, Fahan. The betrayal by this woman wounds you more deeply

than the injury that kills you. And Lemon. Thank you. That gave me quite a laugh. Out loud. Me too. I guess all of us. What was the absolute strangest thing that you've ever seen that no one else could possibly believe

well this is all true I was in prison for shoplifting in 1986 and I was in locked up with this strange guy one example was one day while his radio was turned off he asked me what record i liked yeah he asked me a question right i told him i like number one in the pop charts starship

nothing's gonna stop us now this was in 2004 when i said that 10 minutes later he turns the radio on and that record started at the beginning oh yeah that's how it starts yeah i said i said coincidence you asking me then it comes in on the radio right he said no such word as luck or coincidence listening to this song so i'm singing away i'm going all and the dj played the song right to the end of it, right? Then, after a few seconds of silence, the DJ said, that record was for Paul in Burford. I was in H&P Burford.

So I go, was that you? Do it again. He didn't answer me, just winked at me. Then he turned off his radio. Oh, shit. And then we had sex, I'm assuming. Half an hour later, he turns back on the radio.

Oh, you're right. And the same record plays again from the beginning. In case you've forgotten the lyrics, let me refresh your memory. It goes, da, da, da, da, da. This time, I ain't singing along.

No, not gonna get me twice. There was an eerie... There was an eerie atmosphere. There was an eerie shitty hip-hop MC. That's appropriate. It was an atmosphere. DJ played the song right to the end. Normally a DJ never plays to the end of a song.

Then DJ said, I don't know why I'm saying this, but my head has gone but that record was dead heavy word for fucking word dead heavy was a saying i was using at the time i got it off my prison neighbor who was telling him how him and his mates would dig up victorian graves made of lead and sell the scrape metal there was about seven of them doing it and he's like the only one left alive, right? The rest died of strange accidents. So, as soon as he told me that I said dead heavy,

so I kept that saying when fellow inmates would ask me for a spare smoke, I would say dead... What? Dead heavy. I would say dead heavy. And also, it turns out he was just playing my own ipod yeah so yeah i was out for stars fuckers dead heavy right well that's pretty dead heavy yeah

so okay i saw like i'm from the united states i saw a gas powered weed whacker i guess it went diesel started revving and revving and that guy running, it's a black guy by the way, did something. I forget, to make it stop. And then he took it off and he put it on the ground because it was going crazy and he took off the spark wire and it still ran and he looked at me with these big cue ball eyes.

That's pretty weird, huh? Why is it that people on this forum have to specify when someone is black? When black people are around, just strange things happen. You know, like having black people around. That's one strange thing. I'm an anonymous coward. Oh, sorry.

Go ahead. I'm an anonymous coward. Okay. All right. All right. Had a wormhole spontaneously appear in my grocery cart at Walmart. Oh, fuck. It's not that strange.

All the contents fell through the ground, and a bottle shot off like it was a rocket. It searched everywhere, including under the shelves, and it was gone. The cans that I retrieved looked like someone had taken a hammer to them, examined the cart for a long time, could find no damage to it, could not recreate the action,

even when trying to push on all sides. No one was touching it at the time. I know it's not an exciting story. That's normal for Walmart, come on. But it was still weird at the time. Oh no. Came home to find what looked like grape jelly dripping from behind an old oil painting.

The painting was on an exterior wall that did not have any plumbing or wiring. It looked like someone had taken off the painting, painting. The painting was on an exterior wall that did not have any plumbing or wiring. It looked like someone had taken off the painting, dripped the jelly on the wall, and then placed the painting back on the wall. The purple goo had a petroleum smell and stayed sticky and rubbery for at least a week outside on a plate. We think it's because it happened a month after my father's passing and the painting was the one he bought that his spirit had something to do with it

yeah oh thanks thank you weirdly gruesome there's another one from Paul so that's fantastic you have to find that one Bunny Red oh Paul's back that's fantastic. You have to find that one, BunnyBread. Oh, Paul's back? Yeah, Paul, he's further down, yeah.

It's another prison story. It's at a different prison. Paul, here's Harry Ripley. I'll say. Okay. Hello, it's me, Paul, again. Hi, Paul. All right.

Later, I found out that the guy in cell was... In cell. We only have the one cell in the whole prison. It's a real small prison. It's a short bus prison. It's traditional. Yeah. It was from the dark side.

Okay. Now, I shouldn't have to explain this, because, you know, right? A bit like a Star Wars film, light slash dark. Okay. So, so, I was approached by the light side in 1991. I kid you not. I, what?

All right. This time I was in another prison called Little Hay. All right. Alright. This time I was in another prison called Little Hay. Alright. I was doing two and a quarter years for pro shoplifting. I was a fucking pro. It wasn't that pro shoplifting if you got caught and are charged for it.

No, I was crazy pro, right? It would have been like ten years if I had been an amateur. Anyways, this servant of the lord bumped into me literally. And he said, he said, I quote, I fucking quote,

I've come to this prison just to see you. I go, yeah, who's after me? Smiley face. Oh, excuse me. Smiley face. He, you know,

made the emoticon with two dots in the eyes. Yeah. He said, you were on a path and I feel you are being influenced by the dark side. Then I said, right, right, right, you're some guy

telling me about a path, and he showed me some weirdy shiv stars. If you are some shitty stars, there we go. If you are who you say you are, show me a sign. Show me that smiley face of Murtlecon again. Yeah.

And he said, I will, I will. Once again, weirdy stuff was happening. This guy, I was in the same prison for two weeks. And in them two weeks, weirdy stuff was happening. Here's a few smiley faces. A few smiley faces. Fuck. Here's a few smiley faces. Take them smiley faces. Fuck. Here's a few smiley faces. Take them home.

Disperse them amongst your friends. One. We was working together in the prison shoe factory, and I sit next to him while I look through the Sun newspaper. He was standing... They have newspaper delivery in British prisons? It's the Sun, though. I mean...

Oh, yeah. It's just... The people who were writing it were probably in there with him. Shit. He's like, okay, I i'm done here you go just put that on the xerox machine and then yeah yeah he was standing up and working a machine and he said to me gave me your hand i'm thinking oh here's that sign i'm waiting for. A man wanted to hold hands with me. If he's going to read my palm, anyone can do that. He grabs my fingers and my palm is open.

Then he starts to cut across my palm. Of course, I don't do anything about this because I just want to see where it goes. Fair enough. This is slightly weird. Yeah. He cut across my palm with a sharp knife he had used for cutting shoe leather razor sharp he stuck the tip of the knife in my palm skin it didn't hurt because I'm well hard

then he cut across my palm and I seen the gash and the white fat under the skin I'm just waiting for it to piss of blood what? to piss off blood to piss of blood I'm waiting for my it to piss of blood. What? Piss of blood. To piss off blood. To piss of blood.

I'm waiting for my penis to piss out blood because of venereal diseases on top of this. Right. But that's another story. Well, you're well-eyed. Yeah. But it didn't bleed. And I blinked. And there was no gash, just a scratch instead.

So I tried, strike tried, pulling the scratch apart. It didn't part. So I'm shaking my head, right? And he said, you still don't believe. Give me your other hand. Oh, fuck. So I did.

And he did the same fucking thing again. And I'm really stupid for giving him both hands and then getting stabbed over and over. So, he did the same thing again, no point again. This time I didn't blink. Then I

saw the gash seal up like a zip does on clothes. 100% true. Timeout picture. Picture of a referee giving a timeout hand signal. Yep, I need me medication once more. Wow, that's heavy

Dead heavy, motherfucker Oh fuck yeah Wow, I want to skip that angel one There's like so many pages of this It's cool, but go to the second page The third post down looks like fun Oh yeah, yeah, yeah Oh yeah, yeah

My name is Anonymous Coward Back in the late 70s I spent the night at my girlfriend's house After a neighborhood block party I slept on the sofa in the living room Middle of the night I opened my eyes And saw five little aliens Walk briskly from their bedroom

Past me and out through the kitchen I knew I was awake So far pretty normal I knew I was awake And wondered far, pretty normal. I knew I was awake and wondered what had just happened for a few hours. For a few hours, you just wondered that? Anyway. Yep.

But was too scared and stayed under the blanket for the rest of the night. I told my friend about this in the morning. She just laughed and said it was a dream. I said no dream. Her 11, 12-year-old daughters said tell her mom. She laughed and said, oh girls, stop it. She won't come stay with us again.

I said tell me what. The daughter straight-faced told me their house was haunted. Things moved, toys turned on without batteries, lights going on and off that weren't even connected, etc. Some years after she divorced, she started seeing my brother. Who's the she in that?

The 11 and 12 year old daughter. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. They lived together on the same block as this house, two doors down. She's going places. She's really, yeah, she doesn't stray far, far does she he told me he didn't like the neighbors i said why he said they told him they see ufos all the time in the nearby hills and the dad claims to talk to aliens in his yard they're crazy i told him my experience laughed, told me I was on drugs.

I said no drugs. I saw what I saw. To this day, he thinks I made it up. Well, that's just bullshit. And, you know, keep on preaching the good word. Damn. So, I'm Truthseeker111. Hey! There hey there have been 110 truth seekers up until you unfortunately they found too much truth it's the higgs boson there seem to be a surprising number

of baby boomers on the site who you can tell their minds are slowly starting to go because everything happened in like the 70s or the 80s. Yeah. What do you want to bet they only discovered the internet in maybe the past two years? No, they've got their nurse typing this in for them. Yeah. Now take this dictation! Now take it! God damn it! I'm not going to take my pills

until you write this down. One day, my four-year-old son tells me, last night, my bedroom floor light up and cracked and the guy came out of the floor. He then connected some wires from his forehead to my forehead and started giving my brain a bunch of

information. I can't remember much, though. He said it's... He said it's bad when the world is burning. That's a statement right there. So, set shit on fire and the world is burning down. That's bad or good?

All right, let me... This is the heavy one. Okay. Then my son said he was shown the earth. And it was a giant circuit board. Oh, God. Fuck. Are we sure that was the earth?

Pretty sure. Maybe not just a giant circuit board! Oh! God! Fuck! Are we sure that was the Earth? Pretty sure. Maybe not just a giant circuit board. I don't know why my four-year-old son would lie about this. Yeah, maybe he was dreaming. Or maybe he wasn't. No. Actually, we dealt with that. Because you'll notice, if you skip down two posts, from the undead,

he says, Now, what would posses a four-year-old kid to say such things? I said you have weird dreams. He said no. Oh shit, he did say no. He probably didn't say no. He said nuh-uh. Nuh-uh.

Totally was that, yeah. And then God said you should give your son a bigger allowance. The undead is really getting a lot of mileage out of that Jim Carrey in a tutu icon thing. My name is Sam Bukal. I'm from China, apparently. That's an odd name for someone from China. My experience on the moon and coming events. My name is Sam Bukal. I'm from China, apparently. That's an odd name for someone from China. But anyway.

My experience on the moon and coming events. Hello, all. Hi. All is capitalized, so I'm addressing somebody named All. Is your experience on the moon and your experience on coming events as well? Yes. Okay. For those of you that haven't read the other thread,

I did attempt to share something of my story on here not long ago. On reflection, I realized that I should have first signed up to GLP and gone about this in a much more formal way. Yeah, there are rules, asshole. This is a slight breach of protocol, but the truth must come out. You think you can just sign up on a forum and start typing shit? No, no, no. No, sir. There is protocol.

No, but hear me out. I will begin by telling you of my experience and how I have come to know what I do. Oh, that's good. I like to learn. Okay. I am from a very remote part of China, and I grow up in a very, very wealthy family. My family heritage is such that I am not within the normal confines of society. I was very early on educated in a very different way to most people.

I couldn't tell. I enjoy how you talk in specifics. Yes. My father is the owner of some sort of corporation my education was assimilated by see right there the assimilated word these people are already masturbating by a secret society oh there it just popped off which had ties to just about every institution and organization that contributes to yielding both economic and political power. The society of which I am a part specializes in culture and esoteric knowledge and is one of the main secret societies that until recently has received no mention

and has remained completely under the radar. I'm sure they appreciate you talking about them on this forum. Yeah. I'm risking my life just by telling you this. Sambucol, we're sick of those Illuminati guys getting all the attention

and the media. Yeah. The Illuminati's just a front for the actual secret society. There's a dummy secret society. That's how secret this is. It's a red herring. The secret is that

that secret society is just a dummy for an even more secret society. Yeah. That's a secret. The details about this society is not so much important. Right, who wants details on this kind of shit?

I come for vague waving of hands. I'm sorry, this is the end of the details that I'm going to give you in this post. I am a member of a something. And also wink. But damn, is it ever not the end of the post. Nope. Early on, I recognized that there was two types of approaches in this world.

The first approach was the institution-type approach, where you could label and define it as structures, policies, and rules. The second type of approach was indefinably fluid and contained more abstract advanced concepts which the common people are not able to grasp us yet.

You can't share this shit with me because well, it'll blow my mind. I just don't understand now. I'll stop reading. That sounds like some kind of Spanish children's cartoon. Las Paz. Las Paz. During my

initiations, I was reconigized as someone that had a rather... No, no, no. You gotta do that whole sentence for it to really sink in here. Okay. During my initiations, I was reconigzed as someone that had a rather extremely high potential of moral intelligence.

Yes. I had the potential for moral intelligence. I fell short of it, though. Moral intelligence. Yeah. Yeah. For this reason, I was given special privileges over certain resources and freedoms which are not so much the normal. I don't really... yeah.

He did say moral intelligence. We don't know what the hell that means. It's okay. He didn't say spelling. He wasn't recognizing... You, sir, you seem like an incredible speller. Your grasp of grammar just goes way beyond the normal. incredible speller. Your grasp of grammar goes way beyond the normal. I experienced many things which some of you would know of as

bizarre-y and strange. Revealing all of it, comma, is not so much appropriate. But there is some things which I should reveal. Okay. These are, colon, what I experienced on the moon. Right. What I

learned from my traveling and initiations that indicates about future events. Uh. About my secret society. You already said you're not going to talk about the secret, oh, fuck it. No, this is my secret society. This is the one I made where no girls are allowed. Oh, I've

seen your treehouse. That shit is awesome. Because Molly from down the block is a total bitch. She is a bitch. She's got cooties, I heard. Under the moldy sofa is a bunch of porn you found by the train tracks. We call that the treasure trove, sir. I have been given permission, comma, by my closest allies, comma, to reveal a good portion of this, which has never before been released.

Okay, are you finally getting into specifics now? No, I want to talk to you about how much awesome I am and how you should totally listen to what I have to say. I am wrapped. Good. We are coming to a time in human history now where for the first time some people are coming near to a state where they would be able to take participation in the second type of living which i've been brought up in indefensible

undefinable holographic social group oh. Yeah. The thing is about to happen, which will start the series of events, which will begin the commencement of the thing that will start. Oh, hang on, hang on. Okay, okay, okay. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! Eddie Vedder? No, Carmina Miran.

What the fuck was that? That was, yeah. Was Eddie any better? Sure. No, it wasn't. It was O Fortuna, I think. Yeah, it was. But Lemon grabbed himself in the right spot and made it beautiful.

I thought he was more of an O God type. Anyway. This is the group comma that is depicted in the infamous pyramid inexplicable line break symbol the eye at the top no no no you can't see the pyramid because you aren't morally intelligent enough i can see it it's right there following the word pyramid and it's no if you're morally intelligent enough there's you can actually see hidden text above it which says i am real but only the morally intelligent can see it. Anyway, ruling an unseen

disconnected from the hierarchical system that it rules over, what is not commonly understood is anyone is free to be a part of the two different types of paradigms that relate with each other to form that symbol. Well, it sounds like

bullshit, but he used paradigms, so... Once you have paradigms, all you've got to do is throw a whole bunch of fucking prepositions in there and you're good to go. That's the test for moral intelligence. It's like, write a sentence using the word paradigm. It's like, me, am, ghost, or paradigm.

You pass. This is a sentence that uses the word paradigm. You should just put that in the thread title, really. If you are to be a part of the all-seeing eye, you must work within. It is paradigm.

Okay. Then you rule over the hierarchical paradigm. And paradigm, paradigm, paradigm. I'm not done yet. Many follow the hierarchical paradigm, which was capitalized between now and the lessons, because they

cannot understand how the holographic one works. The holographic paradigm, you mean? Yes. The paradigm that I'm seeing on CNN, live on election night. Okay. This leads them to Vary's position depicted symbolically in that pyramid symbol depending on their state of being within the structure.

By those within the holographic paradigm, we'll always be within that all-ruling, all-seeing eye. I'm genuinely confused here. I'm feeling drunk and I've not even had much beer yet. Well, the rest of us are falling just fine, Ace Hero. Yeah, Jesus, Ace Hero. Shape up. Boots, teach him English.

Getting a little rusty here, huh? My upbringing was within the holographic paradigm. Hence, I didn't go through the normal processes that many of the public go through in their journey of growing up. This probably explains the immense wealth and power of my family inheritance, which has always followed the holographic way.

The holographic way. Is anybody honestly following what he means by holographic here? I think he means illusory? What I'm thinking is that, I'm just going with what Boots said earlier, his family invented Second Life, and they've been cleaning up ever since. I just assumed this guy was Tupac Shakur.

I think we should switch to the Linden Dollar Standard. Trust me, we'll get to that. We'll get to Tupac? Yes. Oh. Wait, what do we do doing still reading this shit then? There's a specific term that they use for homosexuals on the site.

Download. No, no, no, on the site. Oh, on the site. Something Rangers? Yeah. I, no, no. On this site. Oh, on this site. It's something rangers? Yeah. I'm gonna guess. It's a fandango ranger. A fandango ranger. Alright, so. I'm gonna give you a link to it.

So, in the course of this site, references to rangers or fandango rangers, that means gay. Fat. Yeah.

But... And Long Walkers are... I don't know. Long Walkers are another inside joke. But Boots, by which I mean Mr. Predictor... Hey, that's me. He has a question for you. Okay.

I, um... Hey, guys. Hey. It's Mr. Predictor here. What's up, Mr. Predictor here What's up Mr. Predictor You butch motherfucker you Yeah You're looking

Kind of like a burger there boy I'm a hamburger With a hamburger flipper Hamburgers That's some manly shit Yeah Yep I got a question for you

Okay Is it gay for a guy To be obsessed with unicorns? No I mean I see Wait no no Is it

It's not for a guy. Is it gay for Guy? Like Guy Smiley, the Muppet? Maybe it was Guy Le Fleur. Is it gay for Guy to be obsessed with unicorns? Oh, ben non. You know, Guy, he sees a unicorn, he thinks that's a fine thing. I got it.

Anyway, never mind. Nope. All right. I'm asking for... Anyway, never mind. Nope. All right. So... I'm asking for a fellow ranger. Oh. Because you wouldn't want anyone to think you are obsessed with unicorns.

Right, yeah, exactly. I'm asking for a friend. Yeah. So this one, you are 666. You have two posts, but the second one is the one we're interested in. Six spelled out. As the official resident GLP

brony slash Pegasister female brony, I really think it is my place to chime in here. I think so too. Actually, as an expert, actually, in the occult, there are two main concepts of the unicorn.

I will touch on the first. Sex! Wait, does being a resident GLP brony slash We'll touch on the first. Sex! Okay. Wait, does being a resident GLP brony slash Pegasister make you an expert on the occult as well? Yes. Yeah. Okay. Sorry.

Do you know what words mean, idiot? The unicorn represents purity and virginity. In the case of Jesus Christ being portrayed as the unicorn, it was meant that he was without spot. Flawless. Pure. Virginal. Without sin. Like the lamb. I don't know if that's a question.

If you are a male who is into unicorns, it means you are a virgin hunter. Oh shit, like that Scorpions album. Coming up next on the WB. Much like Orion, Zeus, or Pan, and many other mythological figures

of alpha males and fertility, it means you desired maidens who were pure, innocent, and virgins. I don't know why he keeps putting virgins in all caps, but anyway. That's as far from gay as it gets. Pure macho man.

The mythology is homosexual. Pure macho man. Or pedophile, since many maidens were young teens reaching their first fertility stage. Ha, you didn't think I could throw the unicorn horn when I fuck it? That's really straight. I'm kind of disappointed it took me this long to make this whole discussion creepy, but anyway. The horn does indeed represent a phallic

symbol. The symbol on the head can mean you are thinking with your penis, perhaps not your heart. You don't think with your heart either, but okay. As a dualistic gender image, for a female, a nymph, a maiden, it meant that you were young and fertile and ready to be deflowered. For a female, a nymph, a maiden, it meant that you were young and fertile and ready to be

deflowered. For marriage, for love, for having children, for sentence fragments, but... I just said unicorn. But unlike women, or our day and age, many of these rare beauties were actually saving themselves for marriage with our right man to

breed with, a worthy mate. It may sound a bit sexiest, but in the case of Jesus, for example, he was the pure maiden virgin. So it works both ways. Oh, I fuck him so bad. In summary,

and just so you know, I'm halfway through the post, is it gay? Actually, a unicorn, if anything, means bisexual, bigender, and represents sex, for puberty, or for sex and breeding. Thus the joke of good luck finding a unicorn now, as in finding a virgin, either male or female, is quite rare indeed these days. No, that's what it meant. That's not how that rare indeed these days. That's what it meant. That's why unicorns are usually

depicted as... All of English is based off the movie Legend or something, right? Tim Curry's going to imprison you. That's why unicorns are usually depicted as snow white. They are pure in spirit, untouched by man.

In gay joke terms, because why not? Since you asked, the phallic penis on the head denotes the gay man only thinking... Phallic penis. Not the non-phallic penis. Yes. I was worried for a second. Dick doesn't seem very phallic. The bull-boyed penis.

Denotes the gay man only thinking of Dick The bullboyed penis. Denotes a gay man only thinking of dick, of desiring penis. Always having dick on their brain. Lol. So it does make for a good symbol in that respect. In royal coats of arms... That's all wrapped up then.

And I'm still summarizing here, I guess. Attack this from all angles. The symbol of the unicorn was often female to the lion male. If a lion king wanted to find a worthy and pure maiden to mate with and carry his bloodline, he would seek... This is her fan fiction, isn't it? He would seek... This is her fan fiction, isn't it? Yeah.

He would seek a unicorn, a pure maiden virgin, whom he could marry and make royality and continue his bloodline with. So, in terms of flags and unicorns, it represents Queens, royal bloodlines... It was raised down in Brooklyn? No, that's a different borough.

Borough is a separate... Or, uh, Queens is a separate borough from New York. Or, uh, damn it. No, he's... Stop it. Continue. I mean... Royal bloodlines of kings and queens.

Now, the second aspect of unicorns is a bit darker and involves magic rituals and many ancient secrets. If my information is well received, I may feel compelled to explain further. Sure. Heart-holding flowers. Is that a yes? Actually, you... No, your actual response is kind of close

to that. I just wanted to say, 666, the resident Pegasister, or female brony. Boy, she was molested. Okay, what's your response? Hey, yeah, so bottom line,

they are bi? What? Did you have trouble following what was being written here? I mean, it's right there. If so, then let her continue, please. Because we got some darker shit that involves magic rituals, and that'll

continue. I've not looked past page one on this thread, but there's seven pages. I have a question I've got to ask back to you, Mr. Predictor. Since you're asking for a fellow ranger. Only if it's with gay unicorns.

How about if your hand got cut off and you got a transplant? Would it be gay to jerk off with the donor hand? Ooh, I believe Confucius once asked that when he was posting a thread about gay unicorns. Yeah, let's just stay on the subject, okay? Oh, sorry. Yeah, you're getting kind of weird.

Yeah. Alright, Acer, you are a timeline shift. I am. And this is a story of something that strange that happened in the space-time continuum. Alright, this is important, so we need to treat this

with some suitable gravitas. Obviously. No laughing. Osama's second death caused by the Large Hadron Collider. Again, no laughing. If you remember, the news broke last week that the Large Hadron Collider found the Higgs boson

whenever the LHC collides particles at high energies and attempts to find the Higgs boson, a retrocausal wave is sent backwards through time to change history. Every time? Every time. How do we know then what... They've been doing that a lot for like ten years, so that's a lot of... How much has time been changing? Are we all looking at the same post?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean like how can we be sure what reality is? Shit! How much has time been changing? Are we all looking at the same post? Yeah. No, I mean, how can we be sure what reality is? Shit! Let me try to lay it out for you so we're on the same page. Alright, got it. Before the discovery of the Higgs particle, everyone was basically convinced Osama was dead and either killed at Tora Bora in December 2001

or he died of kidney failure in Pakistan in 2000. By everyone, we mean everyone on this fucking forum. Yeah. Isn't that everyone? Duri was killed at Torobora. That's why he's producing videos in 2006. No, he was killed at Torobora,

but then somebody tried to find the Higgs boson, and it changed the past. He's like sending back Terminator particles. Let me explain it some more here. The discovery of the Higgs particle sent a wave backwards through time to 2001. It shifted us all onto another timeline where Osama was still alive all these years. That's why it was such a big shock to most people when it was announced that Osama was killed by U.S. Special Forces in 2011. That's much more plausible than people on here believe a lot of bullshit.

People couldn't possibly have been shocked by his death for other reasons. Okay. Look, just everyone who pays attention to these things should recheck their own recollections of history for the last ten years. Okay. Rechecking... Okay, so, yeah, go back through your memory and then try to figure out the ones that were true and ones that were false.

You should remember when he was killed at Torobora, wasn't it? Like, yeah, I don't know. Anyway, try to determine differences between timelines. Because we have all experienced... Are they color-coded? Yeah. Because we've all experienced multiple timelines. Because we have all experienced... Are they color-coded? Yeah. Well... Because we've all experienced

multiple timelines. I'm going to help you out here. What you need to do is you need to look for changes in your memories of pop culture, historic events, events involving your own family

and personal life, as well as changes to your own homes and neighborhoods. So it's like, if you lose your keys, it's not because you lost the keys, it's because the Higgs boson...

Right, okay, yeah. Well, I was going to say, it's because the Higgs boson rewrote time, but your version makes as much sense as my batch. Yeah, that's what I said. Right, yeah. Oh, I remember you saying something different. God damn Higgs boson!

We all experienced a timeline shift caused by the Large Hadron Collider's discovery of the Higgs boson. And I'm timeline shift, and I'm done. Really? Okay. Well, I think there's a lot of people who agree with you based on the various replies that... Nope, nope.

It's too fucking crazy even for this one. Yeah, I'm actually surprised that nobody replied to this, because this reads like the kind of stuff that crazy people fucking latch onto. Guys, take it easy. The thread's only a year and eight months old. You know what? The particle went back in time and erased all the posts. Oh, that's it.

That must be it. No, actually, I think the particle went back in time and rewrote that post. It used to be, I like kittens! Everything's fine here. It used to be about how much you liked the butterfly effect. Oh, here we go. This one's fun.

Alright, Acer, you are the Anonymous Coward original poster here. Oh, shit. Oh, good. Good. Okay, look. I don't know. French is the language of romance, I think.

Sure. A girlfriend sleeps with her hand on her vagina? That was sexy. I am an anonymous coward, and I am friendly to Tazuni. I notice she sleeps with her hand over her vagina. She says she don't, but she does. I can... She totally does, though, you guys.

Seriously. Okay. I can put my hand over hers but she removes both of them. Now, why does she do this? Ladies, I need an answer. Lol. I like how he's like,

my girlfriend may come on this site and deny it, but she totally does, you guys. So anyway, Bunny Bread Go, almost to the bottom, the third to last post that starts, dude. Okay. Hey, I'm an anonymous coward.

Dude! When I was younger, about 20 years ago, I was pretty good with the chicks. Sure, yeah. All right. I picked up a hottie one night and took her home and banged the shit out of her. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

That must have been messy. Yeah. I mean, she, oh, why did I include an enema with our foreplay? That was just stupid. You're welcome. We then went to go to sleep. And she goes down and put my cock in her mouth, you know, because that's how I like to go to sleep. I said.

I call that the old cock and mouthy. I said, what are you doing? She said, I like sleeping with a cock in my mouth, you know? I said, no, I don't. It's her pacifier. Between the two of us, it definitely seems like you are the one more likely to sleep with a cock in her mouth. I was like, no way. What if you bite down?

Question mark. She said, okay, then I won't. I won't. Now, 20 years later, I wish I had a girl that wanted to sleep with a cock like a pacifier in her mouth. Exclamation point, and I'm crying and shitloading laughing and crying and shitting. Oh, God, I wish I had a cock in my own mouth. That is a really disturbing combination of smileys. Yeah.

There is the crying while laughing and pointing at the post below me smiley, and the just crying anime tears streaming out your face smiley. I'm crying for all reasons of crying Why are you doing that? I just like to sleep with a cock in my mouth Oh, that's normal No way, that's gross Man, I wish I had a ghost

Now you said you have no problems with your father whatsoever You have a real good relationship, are you sure? Okay I think I like the one anonymous coward's explanation. The reason why she does that is to keep the crabs from escaping during the night. Anyway.

Alright. Now that the fire trucks have gone by. Yeah, I was about to say, the cops are after you too. You might want to... Jesus Christ, Acer. Hey, I'm Bobo the Hobo. Well, you guys are going to be my alibi, so I'm pretty clear. Bobo the Hobo has to say, sounds like she's playing a quick game of Klitar Hero before going to bed.

Oh, shit! We've been messed, mate, y'all! Klitar Hero. Yeah, it's a parody of the popular game, Sitar Hero. Oh. Oh, Hero. Oh. Oh, shit. Ugh.

All right, well, there's more on CERN, but instead I want to discuss the evil that is Apple computers. I have personal interest in this because my name is Apple. Apple. So really, we should blame your parents. Okay. Apple is the medium of the beast. Okay.

Understood. Not too big, Not too small. Certainly not the supersized beast. This beast is just right! This beast has a little bit of pink in the middle. We bit the apple from the Forbidden Tree of Knowledge. Instead of staying like

innocent creatures roaming the Earth, we stupid humans chose to be like God and know it all. Fast forward to 1976. So creation, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, 1976. First bad thing we did, ate

from the Tree of Knowledge. Second bad thing, we got apple. 1976, 1976. First bad thing we did, ate from the tree of knowledge. Second bad thing, we got Apple. 1976. Steve Jobs saw our future and how computers would help us know like God a highway of evil direct to

billions of people's fingertips. So he invented the internet along with the black and white shitty little Mac at the same time. He just didn't tell anybody about the other one because it didn't seem quite right. What Steve Jobs doesn't like, or didn't like, is taking credit for things.

That's true. He's always been very demure. He was happy enough to just voice that on to the United States government. He looked into the future, he saw a bunch of people playing fucking Angry Birds on their iPads, and he was like, that will help us know, like, God. No need to go anywhere.

So, in 1976, he sells the world's first personal computer. He sells the world's first personal computer for the odd price of $666.66. Verified! Verified by me! Just now I asked myself, and then the Higgs boson did not disagree,

so therefore, it must be right. I hate to actually inject seriousness for a second, but that actually is true. He't you dare. He did. Really? What? Yeah, really. He did. Well, we're cutting that out when we edit this. Yeah, shut up! Sorry. But here you go.

Fucking knowledge! This is what he's warning us about. I don't need to talk to an Apple historian. Y'all motherfuckers lying and getting me pissed. See, the problem here is that we know things. We're not supposed to know things. We're supposed to be stupid animals who are naked. Yeah, where did you find out this knowledge?

On the internet? Yeah, it wasn't the devil. It was just Wozniak with OCD. So, you know. Okay, okay, okay. With the logo of the apple, which we took a bite misspelled out of. Misspelled for obvious reason.

He also misspelled misspelled, but okay. Was that misspelled for obvious reason? Fucking Higgs boson! Misspelled bite by accident. Misspelled misspelled for obvious reason. Now our world is dependent on them as the run their zillions of calculations per second. Wouldn't it be creepy if the supposed end of the world, which is Friday, the 21st of December 2012. Yay.

Nothing creepy about that date and the end of the world, but yeah. Wouldn't it be weird if, like... Look, we all know when the end of the world is, but anyway. Apple's stock price closed at $666.66. So he couldn't even put in enough symbols to connect the dots, so he's speculating on what dots he might be able to connect in the future. Yeah, exactly. He's just kind of like, but what if, you know? What if the world ended and the stock closed at a weird price?

Yeah, shit would get, you know, endy real fast. Also, Apple's market capitalization should approach $666 billion by December. Weird, huh? What month? Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Also, Apple's market

capitalization should approach $666 billion by December. That's ten kembers. Dececember. Dececember, yeah. Weird, huh? Mark of the Beast 666, could it be that Apple,

the ultimate symbol of greed and evil? The Sim-lol. Sim-lol. Sim-lol. Sim-lol. It's the Sim, laugh out loud, yeah. Keep in mind that Apple is now The richest corporation

In our history Hmm Hmm On it's way To become The first trillion dollar Corporation ever Last but not least

Alan Turing Father of the computer All of this can be Verified easily Easily After being accused Of homosexuality In the UK

In the 1950s, when it was illegal there, he committed suicide by eating a cyanide-laced apple. Oh, shit. These are several things that I looked up on Wikipedia, Satan. Yeah. You know, the last time I wrote a research paper and I put all of this can be verified easily in parentheses,

I lost a whole bunch of points. That's because your teacher was part of the Illuminatus. Oh, shit. Just had someone lazy grading it who didn't verify it. I told them it could be verified easily. Yeah, it's not like it was difficult sites there. Oh, Jesus. My name is ellipsis do you have an IM I'd like to talk

to you in private I think we could also perform free association on apples together no no no I'm from California oh sure okay it is outlawed there so the person asked do you have an im and they thought it was like a state abbreviation

no i'm not from indiana shut up well I want to point out this person's not very bright. Because what this site does is, no matter what your name is, it always puts OP by your name. Sure. Because it indicates you're the original poster. So it's Apple, and then DonOP, who responds to her own post with, Omg!

And then later on, Anonymous Coward. And then, anyway. You're kind of sock- sock puppeting herself a little bit or himself or whatever oh yeah what is it 2012 was the reply to what just kind of 22 oh by the way i'll throw in these numbers does that make sense yeah oh i see yeah the user idea is the same so dawn yeah sock puppeted apple herself because it's the same. So you can change your username whenever you want because it just tracks the ID number, I guess. Yeah.

Which I think people in the site would be freaked out about. Maybe this is just multiple personality disorder, though. I mean, it's clearly Dawn. Yeah. Does this person have a Tumblr? Tumblr. Tupac, a real Christian, just like JFK. I should point out that Lemon forgot to read the title of the thread.

Oh, sorry. The title of the thread is, Tupac knew about the Illuminati plan and the RFID chip? Illuminati is just how they pronounce it with the West Side accent. It's Illuminati. Hi, boys and girls. I'm Illuminati. The Illuminati.

All right. Hi. Hi. I am an anonymous coward. There's lots of you on the site. But I'm from the United States. Yeah! USA!

USA! I'm from Puerto Rico! Woo! All right. And I got to say this. Yes, sir, you got it right. Alistair was one of the originals in making the book on mind control. Wait.

Is this a response to somebody else? Oh, this is a response to somebody, Aliester Crowley. Yeah, actually, this is a response to this. I am anonymous coward from the United Kingdom. Aliester Crowley, mind control and music, Illuminati. Link to www.jesusesavior.com.

Sure. In response to you, I have to say, yes, sir, you got it right. Alistair was one of the originals in making the book on mind control. He was a true crazy mother when it came to Satanist worship.

So he worshipped Satanists. Not Satan. He worshipped Anton LaVey. He's worshipping the people who worship Satan. He worshipped Marilyn Manson. There are great series you can watch on Google

and YouTube about the Illuminati even things about 9-11 what all put over your heads secret subliminal

messages they do as well without even the sub conscious hypnosis with their dates and symbols

so subliminal and sub conscious goes over your head, right? Yes. I don't have English. Yeah, it's a submarine with intellect. I'll put over your head secret subliminal. Got it.

All right. I have been trying through the Hollywood Masonic directors through their Illuminati movies, trying to figure out the next date and many movies are pointing to three months as of now, March, June, and September for possibility of something. Oh! Well, that's true.

Something has happened in all three of those months so far. Just as Nostradamus predicted! Shit! The Angels and Demons with one of the high Masonic actors in Tom Hanks, he, Angelina Jolie, Nicolas Cage, Al Pacino, John Voight, are all higher up the ladder. As in, not the former, but the ladder. But nowhere near 32 or 33 degree illuminated Master Masons.

Oh. The new Angels and and demons is the plot a little disinfo. However, there should be some subliminal that pop up that could point to key dates to look for. Alright. Well, thank you. I still have to go to my meeting. It's nice that

you blocked me here in the subway and needed to talk to me about that. I'm going to continue over here and please stop touching your genitals. Here's a dollar. Leave. Actually, BunnyBright, if you want to just scroll up three

from there to a different Anonymous Coward. It starts with Tupac took the oath. Oh, that's what I was going to read. Now it all makes sense. Yeah, you shot the wad there. Okay. So, I'm an Anonymous Coward as well, because it's the thing to read. Now it all makes sense. Yeah, you shot the wad there. Oh, okay. So, I'm an anonymous coward as well, because it's the thing to do.

Tupac took the oath with the guardians of the secrets of the world, Illuminati. Knew he made a mistake in becoming a very low-degree Mason. Right, right. Okay, as he described in all of his songs, such as Bitches Ain't Shit. Wait, that wasn't him. That wasn't him. Mason.

And decided to betray them. He was killed for that shit. Got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, too bad, because I'm going to continue. Dickie was a satanic sacrifice that had to be made. You know, they usually do satanic rituals on the Vegas Strip.

These things happen. Hey, listen, I've got a real riddle for you. You guys gotta think about this. This is important. Alright. What is Tupac spelled backwards? Kaput. Damn!

Oh my Jesus. I have dyslexia, so I had an unfair advantage there. All of you music star celebrities, whoever the fuck came, from nothing to something in 99.9% of the cases, they took the rituals of the Masons, Illuminati, Mind Control, and music movies, games, the real world symbolism all around you. Got it? That's the end of your post.

I rest my case. I like how in all of these posts, towards the end, the people just devolve into the standard crazy. Yeah, they're just remembering every word they can. And there we go! Round about an hour of... Acer, what'd you learn this week? Well, I learned that actually eating polysorbate 80 by the spoonful is quite good for me. Yeah, I've heard that there's nutritional benefits to it.

So it's a good, you'd recommend it over Atkins? Wait a sec. Wait a sec. The Hadrons just collided. Lemon, we're doing... Both of them? Yes. We're now doing a podcast about conspiracy theories. Oh, those Hadrons are always out of control i hate to break it to you but yeah it happened

there's a lot of things that are confusing to me about uh godlike productions i mean uh the the idea that the uh design aesthetic um is is what it is is a little confusing but you know there's plenty of ugly sites but the thing that I find weird is that all these conspiracy theory websites, they'll have the Obama's Satan people, and then they'll have the aliens rectally probe my cow people, and they'll get in fights with each other, so it's always kind of

cantankerous, but this one, literally every post, somebody starts out saying something crazy, and then there's 20 posts of people just making fun of that guy. Which doesn't diminish the traffic. Like, you would think that people would be like, oh, fuck this, I'm not doing this anymore. But I guess they're used to people calling them out for being lunatics, so they're not really phased by it.

I'm kind of of two minds of it myself. I mean, obviously, you're saying people who are into conspiracy theories are not necessarily well-grounded in reality, but there's sort of an underlying cynicism about this website, which is really refreshing. They're there for the cash, obviously, with all the advertisements everywhere. There's a lot of ads, yeah. And I think a certain number of people are sort of into the inside joke with a wink and a nudge, and they're Fandango Rangers and so forth. Well, not a wink and a nudge, more like a dancing banana

and a melting smiley. The internet equivalent thereof. And if you're looking for a place that does not have emoticons, then I will proudly announce that thefpl.us has no emoticons. There was the

capacity for it in the comments section, and I stripped that capacity out because of that nonsense. I will fucking shank you if you use an emoticon. Yeah, so come visit, leave some comments, keep listening, and we'll keep trying to have content on some sort of regular basis, you know, as regular as we can manage. All right. All right.

All right. Till next time. Have a good one. You got to do that rap. Oh, I will do that rap. Oh, I will do the rap. Alright. Some say Illuminati wants my body to sleep. Brothers at the party with their shoddy just as rowdy as me. True.

Before I flee computer chips, parentheses, RFID chips, parentheses, I gotta deal with brothers flippin'. Continuing to be true. I don't see no devils, only black blood drippin'. What? That RFID chips thing really messed up the flow. Are you sure that... No, that stays in there.