The F Plus - 95: Why Crush A Bug When You Can Ruin It Emotionally?

Episode Date: March 5, 2013

This is an episode all about people who are sexually aroused by insects touching their genitals. So if you hit play, that's your business.

Oh dear. Am I over 18 and willing to see adult content? Well, I'm one of those. Hi there! This is the F Plus Podcast. My name's Lemon. I'm Boots Reingear. And you do not want to listen to this episode. No, you do not, sorry. Nope, you know, we've done so many episodes, nearly a hundred episodes, and this episode specifically, this one that follows these words, contains people who are sexually attracted to insects.

Yeah, fucking gross. They want insects around their genitals, inside their genitals, crawling about their genitals. Genital insect contact happens frequently. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it fucking sucks. So I don't know why we made this.

I don't know why anyone would want to listen to it. Probably just turn it off right now. Yeah, yeah. So there we go. What follows is about an hour of us talking about people who are sexually attracted to insects. So I'm not going to warn you again. Readers, assemble!

In the room tonight, we have Boots Reign Gear. You're going to have to give me a minute. I'm trying to coax this earwig into my asshole. Bunny bread. Fuck you every... Oh, God. Yes, Fahan? This episode really bugs me.

Kumquats up. Mantras saw only three maggots. Was there meaning two was still inside me? AC Arcoano. Strangely enough, I found this under religion and beliefs. And Lemon. All I can say is it was really, really bad and not at all

ironic. On the other hand, I've had black ants on my cock and it was great. Why you gotta mention that the ants were black, racist? Oh, buggy boys and babes. Oh, the buggy boys and babes say hi. Hi. Hello. If you're into the insects in sex, you're in the right place.

I'm not. Question. Yes right place. I'm not. Question. Yes? What if I'm not into that? You're in the right place. Yeah, you're in the right place. You're in the right place anyway. Yeah, this is the right place for everyone, really.

Especially those who are into insects in sex. If you've crawled around the bush a few times, we can learn some new bed bug tips from each other. Okay. So we're supposed to pass around the tips? What if you beat around the bush? What if you voted for a bush? What if you listened to Bush?

Yeah. What if you drank bush light? Bo. What if you drink Bush Light? Boots are going to keep doing this. Might as well. What if you vacation to Bush Gardens? Bush Gardens. If you just got infested and need advice or care

and feeding instructions for your chinches, here, you can get the affection for your infections. Oh, the connection for love bugs is not the car, it's Lindsay Lohan. Is chinches like one unit of double chin? No, no, it's a racial slur for finches.

Oh. I'm finches are great. Really, that's what perplexes you? I thought it was like belts, like cinches. Oh. There's an extra edge. If you're a total noob thinking about getting tainted,

you can get all the right information you need to decide right here. Yes, I already have the information I need to decide no. Yeah, swarm on in. Shut up, you noob. Swarm on in. We you noob Swarm on in We can chat and catch others

Into the love bug scene I'm Bugger, your host Oh that's a fun name And my techno Whib Wesmaster sidekick Here is Insects How's that spelled there fella? It's I-N-S-E-X

It's romantic, come on Now we're laughing I Now we're laughing. I'm laughing and I'm horny and let's go. Come on. So the guy is named Bugger. Yeah. Can we start odds as to how many Ender's Game jokes there are before

the end of the episode? All of them. Keep going. And my techno with sorry give either of us an email at lovebugs.net that's not an email address

yeah they don't want you to email them if you have any problems or questions I have problems I have problems. I have questions. I have a problem emailing you, but I can't email you to tell you about my problem emailing you.

I have quite a few questions as well, actually. First of all, what's the deal? Oh, okay, the deal. Well, the deal, or dealio, if you're into the bug scene, is special bred pubic crab louses from Japan. What? Oh. Oh, dear. They're exotic crab louses from Japan. What? Oh. Oh, dear. They're exotic crab louses.

Oh, yes. Is this like an anime thing? Kind of. Okay. Probably. Except anime fans can't actually make contact with other, you know, I doubt they're... Do the lice scream and then your pubic hair stands up and changes color? No, they've got Kitsune Fox souls in them.

Oh. Now, these aren't the same as homeless people's variety of lice. Exactly. I want to make that clear. Japanese homeless people. Because I know that was the next question. They are un-fucking-believable. I've had so many

bad experiences buying my lice from homeless people. Yeah. First of all. Hey, man. What you need? What you need? Spare some change for some lice. I got your Alabama Browns down here.

I got your Brooklyn Reds. All right. What else you got for us? First. Tell me more about these fucking excellent lice that are on fucking. They're on the fucking, sir. On fucking. Okay. First, they don't bite.

They just live off dead skin cells and such in your bush. Oh, good. Really? Yeah. Really. You're cleaner with them in there. What was the rest of that sentence? I don't want to say it.

Really, you're cleaner with them there than without them. Right. Just think of them as like tiny, tiny maids that are clean. Yeah, I'll buy that. Sure. Okay. Second, these babies are huge! Well, huge compared

to regular lice, the homeless lice. So what, you only need like two or three? Yeah, no, they're just, I mean, they're like soccer balls. Well, so they're huge compared to regular lice, let's make that clear, and they just live happily in your underwear. They sure are happy. They have parties and they periodically give you

hugs. It's so cool! Cool is the word I'm using here. They grow and have families. And like little parties and like laser lights flashing in your underwear. Yep. They're taking little licey.

You can feel them living and crawling around. It's like having personal sea monkeys in your pants. Oh, winky, winky face. So is the sea monkey in the pants episode later? Yep. Kumquat's looking for it right now. Yeah, he's going to find it in five minutes.

Seriously, though, they really are my personal pets that go everywhere with me. You get attached to them like any pet attached you see except a little more literally attached to you yeah yeah they get attached to you like any pet but here's the best part how to give and get them with other people wait wait you ready for the answer yeah yeah okay okay it going to come up to you in five parts. Part one, sex. Sex, sex, sex, sex. Oh, fuck you. That's the idea.

What's the sixth part? I didn't get to one. You said five. Yeah. How awesome is that? You get busy instead of buying them at a store. And it makes the sex even awesomer when you know you're

passing along the living animal. Mmm. Oh my. Oh. This is a joke site, right? No, it isn't. There's a whole community. It's huge. The joke is that there's more than one of them.

Oh, it's so sexy. Oh, yeah. I'm getting lice from you. Well, what if all the lice jumped off and went to the person you're fucking? Then what? Oh, yeah. That would be some jealousy issues right there. Okay.

Okay. Keep going. Okay, okay, keep going. Tiny, beautiful things. And when you give them to someone else, it's like they become part of your family, since their love lice are the babies from mine. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Back up. You want me to say that again?

What was that word? Love lice, I believe you're looking for. Love lice. Love lice. That would're looking for love lice love lice that would be one word no hyphen I don't know I'm sorry go ahead

what you want me to go deeper into this shit no look if you're going to say let's stop recording then yeah let's do it I named my first love lice Linda oh there you go there you go awful absolutely awful no he was instructed to say that it's not his fault boots crossed it off his list there horrible uh hey hey uh hey hey bunny bread yeah what's up

why are love lice such a turn on why Oh, it's so wrong in a right way. I just can't explain how erotic it is. Well, I guess I'm going to stop writing right now. So I guess there's not like 12 more sentences on this one. Certainly not. All right, let's record bumpers and call it a night. It's about quality, not quantity. Yeah.

Let's just burn this to the ground it makes you feel like you're different but in a good way it's something you have that nobody else does but you can give it away and still have it kinda like love how about electronic copies of your novel kind of like fucking pubic lice

kinda like fucking pubic lice but these are un-fucking pubic lice I Kind of like fucking pubic lice. But these are un-fucking pubic lice. I do want to stress this. I don't believe it. What would be the love is greeting card that says love is like pubic lice? That was not a big seller. You can give it away and still have it yourself. And look, if you don't like it, just wash them right out with kerosene.

Put out your smoke first. I don't have kerosene on my junk to get rid of these. It's not permanent like a tattoo or anything. Plus, when go down on someone, they're like right in your nose. Oh my god! Oh my god! It's so wild. Just plumbed unexpected new lows.

Can we cut off Montreth? I think she's had enough. Thanks, Montreth. She needs to be fired. Yeah, the intervention is coming up here. Montreth, at the job interview, when you said name a fault and you say you do your job too well, we thought you were just saying that.

You care too much. Funny, Brent, I have one more question. I guess it's not so much a question as much as it is a... You're a freak! Oh. Funny you should ask that question. Look, sweetie. Humans have had body lice since...

Wait. Yeah, I'll try that again. Look, sweetie. Humans have had body lice since from millions of years ago when we lived in caves until just recently. Like, for me, last week. Hey, guy. I know you just came out of the cave,

but there's this thing we do. It's called not getting lice. So, who's the freak, huh? You or me? That's a question, go ahead, answer. You! That would be you. Damn it, I thought I had you there. Who's not living in a natural human condition then? Huh? Huh? Who? I'm pretty sure even cavemen didn't want pubic lice.

Hunger, hunger. Oh, they're so erotic. I am like being bit on crotch. Oh, baby, yes. All up in my nose. Yeah. Going down on caveman sex. Oh, God. Do you think cavemen discovered fellatio

before the wheel? Well, I think it's a universal human standard that guys like to put their dicks in anything. So, probably. Do you think they shoved their dicks in the wheel? Of course they did in the wheel. Oh, fuck yeah. Oh, this is not very erotic. What can I use wheels for?

Damn. You know what I'm talking about. You know what I'm talking about. damn Acer I believe your name is I think your name is Norway Schlong how did you know that's how you pronounce it all these years I've gotten it wrong. Damn it. Now my secret's out.

Way to go. Yeah, so it's pronounced Norway-schlong. Norway-schlong. Well, Norway is kind of shaped like a schlong. But you have a super kinky story you want to share with us. Right. Now, I have a super kinky way of increasing

girth. Ooh. I'm Norway Norway's song, not AC or the Canada And I'm going to tell you my secret Now, laugh your ass off That was an instruction, I'm waiting Oh, my ass Yeah, there we go Now, but dig this anyway No, I don't want to dig this

No, you're going to dig this I'm digging this You're want to dig this. No, you're going to dig this. I'm digging this. You're going to dig this. God damn it. We got to dig it, guys. You got to dig it. All right? All right.

You've already outed me as Norway, Schlong. You're going to dig this. I'll start playing at the least we can do. All right. Tell us it, Schlong. Now, when I was about 20-yo, I read in a Swedish mag about a guy that used to stick his cock into an ant dung.

I don't know the word. The nest where ants live, right? Yeah, that's called ant dung. Ant dung. I don't know why you guys are laughing at ant dung. I'm sorry. My human dung is very cold. The place where people live is a people dung.

Anyway. Now, the guy described how it was a thrill to have hundreds of ants eating and crawling on his cock, but how it would hurt afterwards. Afterwards. It's the darndest thing. eating and crawling on his cock, but I would hurt afterwards. Afterwards? It's the darndest thing. Two hours later, why is my dick... Oh, that's right! The hundreds of ants that were chewing on my dick.

He's being scientific, right? Cause and effect. Come on. Give him some credit here. Well, anyway, I thought this was a fun read, but didn't think of doing anything similar myself. Give him some credit here. Well, anyway, I thought this was a fun read, but didn't think of doing anything similar myself. Good. Good for you. That's a correct reaction. Story done.

But... What? Come on. I've got my secret here. Later that summer, I was Dirkett in the woods. Yeah. As we are wont to do, yeah. I guess I know how you earned your name.

And my cock was surrounded by mosquitoes. Not a dangerous type, though. They weren't armed or anything. Wait, your cock? Yeah, they didn't belong to a gang. Urban mosquitoes. So I let them sit on my cock and wow! Was that a great feeling when they stung me?

What? Wow. Yeah. I think you need to go to a doctor. Your dick is clearly malfunctioning. Yeah. And it was... Do you know which one is your dick, by the way? I mean, I'm just thinking you're really confused

He didn't know what the word for ant hill was, so maybe he doesn't know Yeah, what Jerking it or cock And I gotta tell ya It was quite a thrill to watch how their snabel was pressed all the way into my cock

Boy, sure You went to their snabel dog And it gave a real cute itch that made my cock. Boy, sure. You went to their Snable dog. It gave a real cute itch that made my cock grow even bigger. Cute itch. Hmm. I think I'm buying this. Okay.

So at most, I've had four or five thirsty mosquitoes having a ball on my cock at the same time. Hey Bill! Great seeing ya! Now, now to the point. After these funky sessions,

my cock always got big pimples that I guess you know from mosquito stings yourself. Yeah, those are called mosquito bites, idiot. No, they're pimples. These pimples made my cock swell real significant. And it was a very kinky and bizarre feeling. Yep. That is a correct statement.

Yeah. It was a feeling. I've not done this for some years, but I hope you found it a fun read. Norway schlong! Well, we did. So thank you. You're welcome! I, yeah.

My name is Ba. Yeah, I tried that before, but with leeches. My dick shrank three inches. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So you were out in the woods and leeches surrounded your dick. No, no, no, no, no. They didn't surround it.

He went to a leech dung. Oh. Well, you know, I mean, why not? You're sitting there in a pond and you're thinking, hey, what can I do with this leech? I know, I'll stick it on my cock. Yeah.

At least it was one stupid for each inch. Lemon, you are a well-hung-boi. Whoa. A well-hung-boi? A well-hung-boi. Hello, I am a well-hung-boi. The use of insects is, no joke, one of the oldest ways of increasing penis size.

What? What was the last word? Increasing penis size, apparently. Hmm. By stapling mosquitoes to your dick. If you staple enough of them. Yeah. Nice mosquito jacket for your dick, pal.

They're driving back to his place from the restaurant And he's got the mosquitoes on his dick He's like, hold on, hold on Let him do the work, honey If I remember correctly The Kama Sutra recommends Rubbing the lingam with wasp stingers I remember that incorrectly, though

So don't worry about it The Kama Sutra is text? I think maybe some in there. In the Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices, there's even an entry, complete with a graphic drawing, on the use of

stingers, insect bites, etc. to cause swelling in the penis. It's called entomocism. Use of insects. Entomophilia, arousal from insects. Or, as for the gentleman in the Swedish magazine, formicophilia, arousal from ants.

Although I'm unsure if the ants would consider him a gentleman. Non-penile related, but I used to chat with a woman who told me of her sexual fantasies involving scorpions. Hello! Hello. Hi.

My name is NeedPain4. That's good. I'm glad that I know your actual GPS coordinates from this website. That's helpful. I'm NeedPain4 in Milwaukee. Fire ant cock torture. In the past, I have found a nice, large fire ant mound.

Gotten nice and hard. Right. Yeah, we're with you. Then stuck my cock deep into the mound. Okay, yeah. We heard about you earlier. Different guy, I promise. I love dungs.

The ants absolutely covered by cock, balls, ass, thighs, and lower belly. With bites that swell up like white pimples. That sounds horrible. It was excellent. Oh, you were wrong, Boots. Take that, Boots. You don't know shit, do you? Reading all of this,

now I really want to be tortured by bees and or wasps. Smiley face. Yeah, we all do. Now, I really want to be tortured by bees and or wasps. Smiley face. Yeah, we all do. My name is Billy 53. Crickets. What are your thoughts on fried chicken? We'll find out in a minute.

Crickets. I just got done having a session where i used 24 crickets 24 i bet they jumped all of them on my cock and balls at one time boy is that an intense feeling as they crawl up your cock biting all the way oh boy i'm gonna call bullshit on this. I think they would have just jumped off. Mice crickets are specially trained. They're specially trained to identify human cocks and bite them. Or maybe they just hate you

that much. It's like, I can't wait to bite that fucking guy. Right in the dick this time, man. I'm doing it. Aw, he's enjoying this. I found my cock head and stashed it biting. Oh, God. man I'm doing it oh he's enjoying this counted 14 of them one on my wait I counted 14 of them one my cock head there are 14 of them and one cock okay everything's adding up. It feels really good

when they find your pee hole and start biting there. Now, I've never had a cricket bite my pee hole. You should try it. It doesn't sound like it would feel really good. I think this statement is mostly correct,

but I'm thinking you're not thinking really good, but really horrifically painful? Maybe? Or am I just being ridiculous here? Yeah, these guys like pain, so... Hey, hey, hey, hey, Isvahn? Or should I say George1948A? Are we doing more of this post thing? Wait, hang on, I need...

No, no, I want to see how this ends, plus the fried chicken. Oh shit, I lost? Wait, hang on. I need to figure this out. No, no. I want to see how this ends. Plus the fried chicken. Oh, shit. I lost my post. Hang on. Something about pee holes, I believe. Pee holes. Feel really good when they fight your pee hole and start biting. Okay.

Feel really good when they fight your pee hole and start biting. Okay. I would love to try fire ants and have them crawl inside my open pee hole. No, you really wouldn't. I think he would, yes. I would absolutely love that. Has anyone tried other kinds of ants? I would love to open my pee hole and see how it feels as they bite the soft meat.

I feel like I'm listening to the psychos from Borderlands have sex. Yeah. Come on, bite me in the dick! I want ants to crawl all over my mama's girl parts. Wow. And also, he didn't put a period at the end of that sentence, so it feels like he was just beating off while he was typing that and yeah and i want this to happen and i would love for this to happen and

oh god okay my my name is george 1948a hi george very very interesting cheryl i i guess i guess 1948A. Hi, George. Very interesting, Cheryl. I guess Kelly's name is Cheryl. I don't know. I would like to send you a PM on the subject of self-punishment, Cheryl, but do not wish to do as much as I receive your answer if you wish to discuss ways to hurt yourself for me.

I am an American consultant working in Iraq. Oh, that's why you gave it to me. I am an American consultant working in Iraq. Oh, that's why you gave it to me. I am an American consultant working in Iraq, and this would be an interesting way to pass some spare time. Sincerely, George. He's going to

register his experiences with camel spiders. Yeah. To finish this thread out, Acer, you are, so do you remember how there was a Titslapper70? Yeah. This thread also contains Titslapper. There's multiple just Titslapper.

Wait, you mean the Ur-Titslapper? Yes, I am the Ur-Titslapper. The original, no, the original Titslapper. So, yeah, so just read. I posted it right there. Yeah. Because I saw there was multiple of him, and I was going to read it anyway. So, head me off. Female pics next.

Nice to see that someone finally posted some pics of Cricket play slash torture. Too bad it was cock torture, though, and not titty torture. See, man. Posted some pics in the photo section of Cricket cock play slash torture. But I am still waiting to see some Cricket torture pics done to a woman's tits. When? Come on, ladies. Post some pics for us to see and enjoy your titties getting crawled on and bitten by crickets.

Or come on, masters. Post some pics of this being done to your female sleeve tits. Hopefully soon. Soon. Hopefully so! Oh! I can't imagine why there's not a whole lot of photos of women in this community. That's just so

weird. Wait, would somebody please be older one? Yeah, I'll take that. Older one. Where is that? I gotta find that. I'm older one. Right. I'm older and pissed for one.

Right. I have pictures of my cock after the crickets had their fun. I let munch on my cock all the time. If anyone would care to watch my cam sometime, let me know. I wish there was more from Sissy Slave Dave. He's just a bug. Oh, that's a good name. Oh, no.

That's a good name. Oh, no. Lemon. What? Because it needs to be red. Yes, please. I'd love to see the crab. I hear it at the big point. Aww. She's the wildest

bag to float down. Well, the snakes and snappers on cypress need to come out That's my brother, actually. We have an odd relationship. 69 previous tit slappers. Tit slapper 69 was probably taken. It was like a shit. No, he always slaps people in their tits 70 times. Some people shake hands. They get really tedious.

Takes him so long to say hello. 35 each. Okay, what do we got here? All right. Hello, my name is Kelly 38D. I'm a pretty lady. Hello. I think you are. A few months ago, someone on here... Kenny38D. I'm a pretty lady. Hello.

A few months ago, someone on here, sorry, I forgot who, was looking for info on whether or not anyone has tried bug torture. I found a group where both the men and the women enjoy having this done to them.

The group was in Yahoo, but now moved over to, you know, that other place, the MSN. Well, there are men in the group that like to use different kinds of bugs, such as ants, worms, bees, grasshoppers, and crickets to bite their cock and balls I guess that's it must take an awful lot of work to get a worm to bite your balls

not your cock also Montreth fuck you for making me think that so Jared what did you oh yeah Boots yeah sure

like you weren't thinking that most of the day managed to get him to bite the balls once So, Jared, what did you think? Oh, yeah, Boots. Yeah, sure. Like you weren't thinking that most of the day. You guys saw him for a couple hours. Managed to get him to bite the balls once. I guess that the crickets are the favorite because you can buy them almost anyone in the U.S. You can buy them almost anyone.

Hey there, cricket. I bought you Joey. You can buy them almost anyone in the U.S. at places like Petco and even some Walmarts. I write a few of the messages there, and I guess the men say to win the crickets by their cocks. The feeling

is like little electric shocks. That's terrible to just use electrical shocks. Because they aren't cr terrible. They just use electrical shocks. Because they aren't crickets. That's way too mainstream. Yeah. It's not eco-sensitive or something. But there are a few women in the group too that like to play with crickets

and have the crickets bite their tits, nipples, and clits. Of all of the women listeners that have been turned on by Bunny Bread Boys. He's doing everything in his power right now. I want no fans after this.

You're either losing them or gaining lives. Or ruining them. You know? It's a very polarizing voice. I'm sorry, keep going. I will post some examples of the messages from the women. They say they're women.

Well, okay, it's me and I got like 30 different names to them. But be sure to check out the group and maybe you can introduce your slave or yourself to this new kind of torture. Here's the link to the group. Kelly38D wants to fuck a bunch of bongs.net So this pretty much was a recruitment drive. Yeah, it was just blatant advertising. So I went to that website just now. Right.

Oh, good. Of course you did. And A, it asked me to log in to MicrosoftLive.com, and the tagline is, more than just gaming. Well, that's good. That's true. More than just, I'm glad that you glad that you could link it up to your Xbox Right exactly

Hi I'm Saturn Moth. Good, you sound fun. Yeah, I don't know if I'm alone in this, but I find insects very sexy. You're alone in this. I wish you were alone in this.

I think it's the aesthetics of exoskeletons and the like. I also really like xenomorphic aliens like the Chantho and Doctor Who, and I even find the alien from Alien hot. Mainly, I like looking at pictures

of anthropomorphic insects, or insects that are enlarged to human size. I found some great pictures of this in the furry fandom, though it does tend to freak some of them out when I mention it and when you're freaking out furries

you could definitely class yourself as an oddity oh that's actually in the text yeah actually if it wasn't in the text I was going to make that aside yeah exactly I'm a creep but at least I'm self-aware. Actually,

apart from the odd hater, the parts of the furry fandom I've encountered have been quite welcoming. Though no one seems to have the same fetish as me, even if they do like the odd insect porn drawing. Anyhow, let me make it clear

that this isn't an insect bite slash sting fetish. Oh, okay. Neither is it a micro slash macro thing. I keep bees, and as adorable as they are, I would not let those stingers anywhere near any sensitive areas, and neither do I want something like a tiny bug to enter me. Is there anyone else here on Reddit who can relate to this?

I'm guessing not. So why did I make this post? Are there any freaks on Reddit? Let me check the newspaper headlines and see if I can find any. You can type anything and then follow it up. Is there anyone else out here on Reddit who can relate to this? And about seven or

eight people will say yes. And here's another statement. But you're probably a nice bunch of open-minded folk. So I'd welcome your horrified comments. I've often had fantasies about being insect size in a beehive or ant colony

and being fucked by drones slash fucking their queen. You don't actually understand how bees work, do you? Yeah. Actually, no. That's how bees work. Do they actually fuck? Oh, yeah, they fuck.

Kind of. Drones are the males, so... Yeah, the drones are the males. Many drones... Okay, once in a life... Once in the queen's life, it will fuck many drones whose genitals explode inside her, and then the drone dies.

Okay, that's... And then she has stored up a lifetime's worth of semen to make her alive. So far, it's pretty much just like college. You fuck a girl, your dick explodes. I was going to say, my dick hasn't exploded, and I haven't died yet. Maybe I'm doing it wrong. Yeah, college was different for me. Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe Canada's just a weird place. I sure as hell wouldn't call them queens, the sluts that I nailed in college. Well, maybe they were, if you know what I mean. Well, no, but they called themselves Nubian goddesses, so that still counts. Oh, okay, yeah. For some reason, though,

I just can't get with the idea of spiders. Maybe it's the eyes. Okay. All right, that's good. I think insects are hot, except for those that have multiple eyes. That's gross, man. Guys don't make passes. It bugs the guy with a fucking bunch of eyes.

Sodermoth goes on to a great big elaborate explanation later, but let me just cut to the chase. The only thing I don't like is the stingers. Sure. Wait, wait, I gotta read the thing on Beatles. Beatles.

I like Beatles the way some gay men like bears. Picturing a beetle with like a biker cap on and a leather vest insisting you call it daddy yeah if wasps are the bald-headed thugs of the insect world these guys are the hairy bikers turns out i really picked the right voice It started a long time ago when I was about 16. Being a teenager full of testosterone, I was always fucking horny 24-7.

was always fucking horny 24-7. As a high school teen and a linebacker of my team, you can say I am well buffed with lean-toned arms, legs, and abs. With a well-defined face, I'm so awesome. Girls are just

always trying to fuck me, but I'm like, no, I gotta save myself for bugs. That's right. Anyway, with a well-defined face, bright blue eyes, and my punk shorts and spiky black hair, I, of course, was one of the popular guys in high school.

Of course! Holy shit! This is Manti Teo, and these bugs don't exist. Topical. Wow! It's gonna be so awesome when somebody finds this episode in two years and be like, what the hell is it doing? Two months. Come on.

That joke has an expiration date of 30 minutes after it was said. Okay, okay. All the girls will go gaga for me. Will they? It would be a sad thing if they knew I wasn't as straight as I acted to be. Well, this isn't about that. It's about me

and one night that changed my life forever and I could never forget it. Can I do two paragraphs? Is that how it breaks down? Sure. There's a lot, yeah. Oh, God.

Yeah, I got the easy part. It gets worse for the rest of y'all. Being young and horny, I frequently... Wait, wait, wait. I just want to take a moment and let the readers know that a sentence coming up not too far from that was while I was jerking with the pizza. Just wanted to put that out there. Yeah, that's what I saw.

And I stopped right there. All right. So anyway, being young and horny, I frequented those websites and jerked off like three times a day if I had the mood. However, as months passed by and I became tired of watching man-on-man sex. Somehow it just seemed too plain. I wanted the thrill of doing something wild and forbidden. Unlike the completely normal thing of gay sex that nobody ever has problems with. Yeah, I know.

And so I looked on the web for something nice and wild to do. Exhibitionism really turned me on. And I wanted to try this, but being in a small countryside town, there wasn't much of a place. There aren't enough people to flash in here. You do know what exhibitionism is, right? Try flashing my dog, it didn't work.

You know what it was, right? He was like, I want to have sex publicly, but not around people I know. Because it would get back to me. So I am left with the only option to do it by myself and start small, I may add. But where the heck was I

supposed to start? Your penis. I apparently had a tumor explode in my brain when I wrote that sentence. I decided to take a small step forward when my parents went on their usual summer vacation themselves and my younger brother was in summer camp. He just left you home alone.

Hey, honey, it's the thing we do every year. Fuck you. Bye. You're not a real son. Bye. Time for family vacation. You stay here. You know why. The whole house to myself.

I could do almost anything, nine, including a bit of exhibitionism fun. On the day I had my house to myself, I stripped naked and paraded around the house naked. That's not exhibitionism. Wow. That's just being home alone. I am naked right now.

That's just risky business. Whoa. Yeah, that's a woman in a douche ad, for Christ's sake. That's just risky business. Whoa. Yeah, that's a woman in a douche ad, for Christ's sake. That's all you are. Fuck. God damn it. The thrill was so intense and exciting that for the next few days,

I tried to walk out to get the newspaper naked, worked out naked. Wanking in the backyard garden became a regular thing. However, I was a sloppy person. I never bothered to clean up, and all my takeout food and dirty dishes was unwashed. A week into my exhibitionism, my house smelled of week-old pizza and Chinese food.

Also cum. I don't know why I left that part out. But anyway. But that night, while I was jerking off in the living room. No, no. No, no. Oh good.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. The living room's been renamed. While I was jerking off in the living room. In the living room. It's where he's been taking all his shit. Call it the living room's been renamed While I was jerking off in the living room In the living room It's where he's been taking all his shit I call it the living room because that's His parents just leave him alone So often Previously known as

The basement It dawned in me to try something new Food fetters So I thought to myself what the heck And took one of the leftover pizzas from a week ago started jerking off with it little did I know that pizza house something that would change my life you suddenly you got like a really high blood pressure and you died from a heart attack Do you think this guy's fetish origin story is in Pizza the Hut? Come what, Tag?

While I was jerking with the pizza, I was in cloud nine. It felt good. But as time went on, I began to feel a strange sensation. Something was wriggling on my cock. Where was the pizza? The pizza's come alive and said, God, wait, wait, wait! I can't believe this is the second instance we've had in this podcast of someone

putting their dick on pizza. And then a pepperoni popped out! When I came out of my testosterone-fueled high, I looked down, and to my shock and horror, my dick was squirming with maggots! You're gross. Oh, my God.

At least two were squirming towards my balls, while three were frantically climbing towards my cock head. Frantically? I mean, really? Hey, guys, we're on a gorgeous mountain. It's going to be great. Oh, God. We got to get to the cock head and fast. Instinctively, I reached to pick them off, but still in a horny mood,

the movements of the maggots made my dick feel good. So cautiously I let them play on my cock. Of course. Yep, cautiously. That's the word I would have used. And boy do they feel good.

After a good few minutes I picked them up and placed them in a jar. I would call that a bad few minutes. That's what you would call it. Yeah, but... What's wrong with you? Non-pizza fucker.

Yeah, shut up, you normal. I'm sorry. I looked around to see if there was more, and not to my surprise, there was! In every rotten food takeout there, I smiled deviously and collected as many as I could find you're speeding I I find the monetarily into a jar and took them up to my bed looking at them squirming in Jara gave me all sorts of erotic imaginations while I played with myself on the bed.

I desperately wanted to try letting them squirm on my deck again, but I was afraid. Of what? You already did it, you horrible man. Can we talk about whim jobs? I'm actually feeling my stomach doing stuff

right now. You can do it, Kempquad. I'm actually feeling my stomach doing stuff right now. Yeah. You can do it, Kempquad. So I went online to search. See if I was the only person who wanted to play using maggots! What are we going to do? Be like, does somebody want to come over? Yeah, come on.

We'll have like a little maggot circus. I know nobody wanted to have the exhibition of sex with me, but this is we'll have like a little maggot circus. I know nobody wanted to have the exhibitionist sex with me, but this is far too, don't worry about it. No, no, play using maggots like the music man. I'm going to search Craigslist, you keep going. At last!

After hours of searching, I found a site where people discuss their most bizarre sex experience, and so happened I chanced upon a guy who about 30 who tried maggots. Okay. Was he you? Are you, like...

I totally did not write myself into this story. I blacked out again. It was him from the future. The other side of his psychotic break said, yeah, maggots are a great idea. And did this person have a Tumblr? He wrote that maggots are a great idea and did this person have a tumblr he wrote that maggots are the best best especially when they crawl into your pee hole

what I was instantly rock hard reading about what he wrote so I messaged him and hope he was online thank my stars he was! Oh, goody. That's not the usual reaction, but okay. He's probably always online talking about maggots.

I chatted with him for at least an hour on what I could do with maggots, and everything he said made me hornier and hornier. Uh, you can put them on your dick, and then they're on your dick, and they're still on your dick. Hey, hey, hey. And they're moving on your dick. You put them on your balls, and then you're on your dick, and they're still on your dick. Hey, hey, hey. And they're moving on your dick.

You put them on your balls, and then you're on your balls. Oh, yeah. There you go. You're forgetting about the pee hole. Some of them will crawl to your dick, and some of the ones for your dick will crawl to your balls. Frantically. I couldn't take it anymore. I just had to try it.

And with the guy who did it before me guiding me, I wasn't so scared anymore. You had a maggot mentorship program. Am I going next? Whoever wants to go next. I'll jump right in there. I'm going. I'm doing it. Do it!

I went over to my bed, took the jar of maggots, and sat back at the computer screen. I... Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Are you doing it, my boots? Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me. I waited for his instructions eagerly.

He told me to get hard, which was of no use, as I was already freaking hard and leaking pre-comb like a faucet. Oh, I thought he meant like he was freaking out, but no, he was already freaking hard. Get hard! Oh my god, I can't believe I'm gonna do this! No, no. My dick was freaking out.

Oh god, I can't believe he's doing this again! I don't wanna be hard! What did I ever do to you, man? Next, he told me to take the plumpest maggot in the jar. It was tricky. Maggots are amazing at dodging your fingers. No. Nope, no, no, no, no.

Maggots are amazing at dogging your fingers. That means they stay on your fingers. Maggots be dogging you, bitch. Yeah. They stay on your fingers no matter what. Where's my money? When I finally had one, I placed it on my cock, pinned it down with my thumb as instructed. Then came the part that changed my life.

He ordered me to place the maggot near my piss hole and watch it do its magic. So that's what I did. Oh, that's it? That's it? We have a winner? Jager? The maggot squirmed here and there, tickling my cock head, and I was getting high on the sensation.

Keep telling yourself that. You know, you could just smoke pot. I'm like, if you want to get high, I think that there's probably easier ways. Oxys. Booze. Literally any other thing on the planet. Pretty much.

Stabbing yourself in the head. Yeah, yeah. Getting a lobotomy. Just anything. Yeah. Suddenly, the maggot found my piss hole and tried entering it. Suddenly. That maggot snuck up on me.

Dramatic music sting. I quickly pressed it down before it could get in and I began having second thoughts. Second touts. Yeah. But the guy on the screen ensured me that

he was an asshole. He assured me. Calm down, everything's just fine. Then it was going to be the best thing I would ever experience, so I slowly lifted my shaking finger, and as soon as my finger was lifted, the maggot squirmed into my pistol. I grabbed the base of my cock as he instructed, and then the most awesome and wonderful

feeling hit me. I was on the verge of cumming as the maggot crawled about in my piss tube. I was in heaven. Could we talk about people wanting to fuck ponies again? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Drink more. More booze. That's what you need. The feeling indescribable. And to my surprise, I wanted more. Still grabbing the base of my cock, I use the other hand to reach in the jar

and grab another maggot. Fuck you, Montreth! Montreth loves you. Come on. We shouldn't encourage these kinds of episodes. You can read more about this in my book, The Maggot Stays in the Dickhole. Actually, you know,

come to think of it, I think Esfahan actually does have a good point. No, we're going. We're continuing. We're not posting this, right? Okay. This time I wasn't going to let it squirm around. Took it and directly placed it on my pee hole.

And in no time, my mega friend and my dick had a playmate. No, it was a traffic jam. Hello, Jerry. Hello, Terry. No, he didn't have a playmate. Is it hot in here or is it just me? He didn't have a playmate, he just had a traffic jam. I did this

until there were like six maggots inside my dick. No, you fucking didn't. Then, instinctively, Oh, yeah. You know, that thing I've been fighting. Completely independent of any input on my part. Just instinctively. He's just doing what comes naturally to a young man.

Yeah, I began to stroke my rock-hard cock furiously till I really couldn't help coming. I came so hard so much I thought I was going to faint. When my dazed was over, I looked around and counted only four maggots were out. I began to panic and frantically messaged the guy. Hey, sir. Read fast. It was like a maggot machine gun.

Do-do-do-do-do-do. That's awesome. Alright. To my horror, he just laughed And said to put more in I was in a state of panic What would happen if the maggots crawled and multiplied inside me And it suddenly burst forth like this That's not how that would work

They're not amoebas They're Whatever What if the maggots have sex and raise little maggot babies I'm telling you This thing is my This is my romantical thing and you're not, you don't have the right

frame of mind for this. I'm pretty sure that's how Alien Resurrection worked. Yeah. What if the maggots crawled and multiplied inside me and suddenly burst forth like those horror movies on late-nit TV? All I could do was sit there holding onto my dick, which was still rock hard

for some bizarre reason, which I came to realize soon enough. But at the moment, I sat there staring into the screen, hoping the other guy would just fucking tell me what to do. While I was waiting, I began to feel something moving at the base of my balls near my taint. I knew it was the rogue maggots,

so I practically tried to jerk them out with the rope. The rogue maggots! They're freedom fighters! It's out. The rogue maggots! They're freedom fighters. It's Sarah Palin's maggots. Hey, I tell you, we can see Russia from here, huh? You know this guy he messaged? We probably made up that story, and now he's like,

I can't believe this guy's actually doing this. He's just laughing. Put more in. It's not my dick. Yeah, you should probably light your dick on fire next. Yeah. Just tell me what to do. Fire, okay.

Oh, this is so hot. Whatever stops you from existing, do that. Then the wriggling sensation grew and grew until my panic began to turn into ecstasy once more. To what I can infer, the maggots were slowly making their way to my urethra and most probably up into my bladder. But at the moment, I could not callous. I was in total bliss from the feeling they were creating. Before I knew it, I was coming,

and I didn't even apply any hands-on momentum. I realized about a couple seconds after I come that my mentor had stopped laughing, and he told me what to do, which quite caught me off guard. He told me that when I peed, they would just come out. Sure, whatever. He's an expert on anatomy. Lucky for me, I'm quite a drinker, and I can pee gallons. Even being drunk would mean an excuse for this.

Quickly, I rushed to the bathroom, calmed myself down, and just let it flow. After what seemed like hours standing in front of the toilet, I started to piss into my relief. My two maggoty friends came gushing out. They probably weren't mutual friends. They probably didn't like you very much.

Oh, man, he just pissed me off, huh? Holy! Come on! Why are you doing this perfectly acceptable recording unpleasant? After my piss was over, I went to tell him to go. Actually, Buddy Bread. What? Buddy Bread.

That's a big paragraph. That's fine. Whatever. I don't care. After my piss was over, I went to tell him the good news. Yes. Yes. He just laughed again at my annoyance.

And then he asked if I wanted to really feel what it's like to play with the maggots. What? All I had to do was meet him and submit to him. Oh. Oh, shit. Oh, God. It hurts, doesn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, the voice hurts, yeah. His voice is excellent. I don't care. That's what he's choking on. I didn't know what to say. It was one hell of an experience with one hell of a scare, but the pleasure was also so intense

that my judgment was clouded and I, without any second thought, agreed to meet him. Lying on my bed, thinking... Wait, Isvanad, have you done this? Go ahead, take it a sentence. Okay. And do an impression of Aesir.

Yeah. Lying on my bed, thinking through my not-so-past experience, I was terrified and yet excited to what is going to happen next. Had I made a huge mistake, or is he going to change my life forever? Well, first things first, I needed to catch some zzzz. Some zeds. Yep.

Some zzzz. Uh, wait, where is it? Hang on, there's a couple of responses. Yeah, uh, Kumquat, take the second response from Saturday, April 30th. Kumquat? Kumquat?

We've lost him. Cool story, bro. I wish if on the internet were more stories about worms like this one. What? Huh. I don't... I have a feeling that these people see a Steam special for the game Worms and they get really disappointed. You know what, guys? I think this is just a fictional story he wrote because now he's

like introducing dialogue in the second part and like i'm really not buying that well you really really didn't buy you you did actually buy some dude cramming multiple maggots down his pee hole and then firing them out like some kind of piss cannon. Well, it's like he was trying to pass it off as... It was a maggot cum cannon. Yeah, but he also had a maggot piss cannon afterwards. That's true. So anyway, we got all the holes covered pretty much. Yeah, I think they do.

This guy wrote so many parts to this story. I think one really goes. Really? Yeah, there are multiple parts to the story. I think one really goes. Really? Yeah, there are multiple parts to this. Here, let me just cut to the chase of the second chunk. Wow, that was intense, Darren. You made me so horny.

Apparently I have still four maggots in me. How about you? I still have two in me, I replied. Oh, stop. Oh, stop. The end. Maggot check! We're going to take our maggot dick inventory.

Wait, oh. Are they keeping score? What? What? I just read what Kumquat posted. I can't imagine any context in which you could get a worm into a urethra i mean like you have to take some kind of worm funnel or it's all it's all people just making shit yeah no so none of this is worth reading but there's one paragraph

from this that the last sentence is kind of i i was waiting for this phrase. Oh, man! Oh, that's... I want it. Actually, yes. Yeah. Yes, yes. I knew you would like my little surprise, but I must admit, I didn't realize how much of a maggot faggot you would be.

Bing! Snake, that's maggot faggot. Don't let him get close to your dick. Oh, that's fantastic. And there we go. Ran about an hour of you fucking listen to that. We told you not to. That was your fault. Boots, what'd you learn this week?

Well, I've always found insects pretty interesting. And I've never been afraid of them. I'm not afraid of spiders most of them don't really gross me out that's not insects well you're right sorry sorry poor Tex I've never really had a problem

with insects and similar creatures but I will probably not look at them the same anymore yeah they're a little pervy now, all of a sudden. I never would have expected to sort of have, like, you know, to look at a centipede and view them in a sexual light. But, you know, that door has been opened and it won't close again. Are you blaming the insects for that?

I feel like there's somewhat complacence in this. I mean, you know, like there's a lot of, there's no insects being tied up and forced into dude's dick holes. Yeah. The insects are willingly crawling into the dude's dick holes. So, you know, I mean, maybe it's statuatory, but at least, you know, they're sort of complicit in this. Yeah. And the sultry way they look at you with their compound eyes 1 000 winks all at once uh yeah so that um uh if you uh can believe it what we read actually was not there's grosser shit in the doc than what we read.

If you find yourself needing, for some reason, to hate yourself and look through that document, I'll be posting Montreth's own document online in the episode notes. And that's available on the website. T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S, where you can leave comments, and you should.

Yeah, come to their website, leave comments, thank Montreth personally for providing us, and then by proxy you, with this wonderful, wonderful content. Yeah, Montreth did this to you. Remember that.

Montreth did this to you. Montreth. Montreth. She is to blame. Right. And also, of course, our community, hand-built by myself, with some good help from Boots. Ballpits, that is B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. It's where hard-ons collide. And insects aren't involved in the hard-on colliding, so it's nice.

Yeah, well, they might be. No. Feel free to start that thread. Nope. Nope. Banning. You won't find me there. Good night. Good night. Maggots! Maggots are falling angry! Maggots! Maggots! Maggots are falling, falling angry!