The F Plus - 98: Can't Say I Approve Of Your Methods, Mister Holmes

Episode Date: April 1, 2013

For over a hundred years, the character of Sherlock Holmes has been an inescapable touchstone of Western Culture. The subject of sixty stories written by Arthur Conan Doyle has led to more radio, television film and stage adaptations than even Wikipedia would care to document, and you might say that since those original stories were published, these producers have been making fanfiction. However, it wasn't until the 2010 BBC series that the fanfiction became as creepy as it could be. This week, The F Plus finally figures out spooning.

I don't know, but I like cock, and I like it from Sherlock. Yay! Sound off! One, two! Well, hi there! This is the F Plus Podcast, Terrible Things, Red Enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. And I'm Isfahan. Isfahan, how are you doing this week?

I'm doing pretty good. I'm a little bored, though. I was wondering if you had any new stuff that I hadn't heard about. Any new stuff? You're caught up in Breaking Bad now. Oh, yeah, yeah. Caught up. Okay. So, do you have Bad now. Oh, yeah, yeah, caught up. Okay. So do you have Netflix? I do, yeah. Okay, I'm going to recommend the Sherlock series.

Sherlock? Oh, all right. It's a Stephen Moffat directed. It's a kind of retelling of the Sherlock books. Every episode is a 90-minute experience, kind of like a movie. Oh, cool. It's got Martin Freeman. Oh, I know him, yeah.

It's got Benedict Cumberbatch, who you probably don't know. It's really good. It's terrific acting. It's great writing. It's wonderful. Well, you're selling it. That's pretty good. I've got just a couple things that I'm kind of interested in.

It's hard to find in TV shows. Now, the Sherlock characters, I assume they talk about their relationship for just hours on end, and that's really cool and interesting? No, no. It's the story of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. So they're more interested in sort of like doing things than having boring conversations. Well, there's got to be world building. I mean, do they cuddle and have cuddle parties and stuff like that?

No, no. I can't say that there's cuddling. No, no. Well, that sounds kind of sparse. I mean, do they have awkward not-sex, and do they loudly proclaim how much not-sex they're having? No, no, no. I didn't know that's what you're looking for,

but that's not what you're going to get here. Well, Lemon, thanks for your recommendations, but this show really doesn't sound like my cup of tea. I think I'll just have to stick to the Sherlock fan fiction then. Readers assemble! like my cup of tea. I think I'll just have to stick to the Sherlock fan fiction then. Readers assemble! In the room tonight, we have Jimmy Franks.

Sherlock's not about to let going into heat put him off a case. Good. Ace of your aqua auto. Guys, Sherlock needs more love around here. Certainly does.

Poor Tex. Don't melt into nuts on me, please. Bunny Bread. Hi, I'm a demi-pan, ultra, semi, so-so, sexy, sexual. Oh, shit. Yes, fine. Me gusta. And Lemon.

Damn, I want a handjob from MyCraft, and I don't even have a penis. Sorry, London. Sherlock has always considered himself as asexual. Now, John comes along and Sherlock realizes that he needs to form a strong emotional connection with someone. John, before he can become sexually attracted to that person.

Wait, we have learned that that is demisexual, not asexual? Demisexual is a form of asexual asshole. Of course. Oh, sorry Tumblr. Stop not slut-shaming. Well, I'm sorry. But look, how does he deal with this? Whether he's demisexual or asexual?

How does he go about trying to convince he's demisexual or asexual? How does he go about trying to convince John that they should have sex now? I'd go with right, honestly. Buy him a couple drinks, tell him he has cancer. Guilt? Does that... It's fine. Does that usually work? Yeah. I got two weeks to live. Oh, they fall for that every time.

Oh, so you have cancer, not tell them they have cancer. You have cancer. Because I heard they have cancer. You have cancer. Because I heard that as like, hey, baby. Well, yeah, because I thought you were going to go with something like, hey, you've got cancer, but I heard that the dick of an Irishman can help you. Hey, hey, hey, enough about the sex talk, right? I got some true asexuality right here. All right, cool. Let's get down.

Sherlock does wish to physically satisfy his boyfriend slash colleague, John. And he realizes that his quite good massage skills and very enthusiastic kisses won't be enough. Ah, okay, that's a problem. I hope it has a solution. Oh, indeed it does. One moment. So, Dot, he has replicas made of his erect

penis and his arsehole. Of course! It's so simple. Every problem has a solution. If someone's going that far to not have sex with you, then there's a problem. It's like a replica real doll. It's like, hey,

hey, John, John, here you go. Here's a donut. Oh, thanks. It's really, it's... I wrote Sherlock on it. It's really quite a, yeah, you're giving quite a strong signal. If somebody says, I want your cock in me, and you go, all right, here you go. Would you like my butt too?

Because here it is. Also, who made it? You can put them together and it's like I'm having sex with myself. That's my question. Was it a fancy replica? Did he have to send away for it or did he have one of those 3D printers? Oh, sure. So it's all done in the resin? Well, that's pretty futuristic.

Alright, it's fun. What you got? Asexual Sherlock straight John. Sherlock freaks out when John is about to move out. John's relationship is going really well to the point where he has already moved in with his girlfriend. But the day John is due to leave, it finally hits Sherlock that this is really happening. He explodes at John,

asking why what they have can't be enough for him. What is that makes sex so important? Whether John really thinks he'll be happier with her. There is long, angry, and bewildered... This is the whole story, isn't it? There is long, angry, and bewildered This is the whole story, isn't it? There is long angry and bewildered discussion about sex versus love versus intimacy versus orientation. Oh yeah, so hot!

Oh man, rubbing my nipples. So not hot. Then Sherlock ends up giving John an ultimatum, saying that John's continued presence in his life will not be worth the ridiculous emotional upheaval if he isn't even going to stay. John's initial reaction is anger, but he deflates when does he deflate emotionally?

When he realizes that he can't choose his girlfriend over Sherlock. Happy ending. Oh, so he just gives him a handjob. He deflates because Sherlock had been feeding him balloon juice beforehand. I thought he was just physically filled with semen. I like how it's a happy ending because it's like, oh, you know,

Watson has very specific needs, needs that are very important to him. You know, he found this girl that he really likes. But, you know, he gives all that up for asexual Sherlock, so it's a happy ending. Well, if this was regular guys, it would have been like, Sherlock would have been more like, John, why are you leaving? Well, because she likes to fuck. All this is about fucking. Yeah? All right, let's fuck leaving? Well, because she likes to fuck. Oh, so it's about fucking. Yeah. Alright, let's fuck. Alright, happy ending.

Jimmy Franks, what do you got? It's kind of a choose your own adventure. Okay, good. That sounds exciting. John and a character of your choice talking about what it's like to be in a romantic relationship with an asexual and how it's totally worth all the compromises.

Dr. Robotnik. I want to say Dr. Robotnik right now. I'm going to go She-Ra. George W. Bush. Ooh, that's good, too. 1980s game show host Bert Convy. Ooh. Oh, deep cut.

I like it. Can I say Ron Jeremy still? Okay, here's my story. Here's my story. Okay, here's my story. Here's my story. Okay, okay. Sherlock's first time with John or ever goes wrong.

Does it have a glass ball involved? Wow, here, okay. So they get to the naked part. The naked part. And then the lights flash. Anyway, so they get to the naked part. The naked part. And then the lights flash. Anyway, so they get to the naked part, and then Sherlock gets too cold, so he puts his coat on him.

I don't know who he is in that sentence, but that's all right. John's confused, but fails to get his point across that he can warm him up. I didn't get it. So wait a minute. So John and Sherlock are about to have sex.

They both get naked. They're lying in bed. Sherlock says, I'm cold. John says, oh, I bet I know something that could warm you up. And Sherlock goes, what would that be? Man, you remember the beginning of that one episode we recorded. You can't say that. It was his incredibly ace moment.

I'm thinking either Sherlock's asexual at the hopes of being demisexual and clearly not being or sexually oblivious. Humor and angst, is that a thing? Not too heavy on the angst, though, please, smiley face. We supply that ourselves in our posts. Portex, what do you got? God, this is long. Okay.

Yeah, it's good, though. Wally. It's a good story. Sherlock is very open about asexual. Hey, guys, people don't have sex. Did you know that? Isn't that weird? No, no, I think that's just the space bar wasn't hit properly, so it's asexual. Oh, okay, he's very open about asexual. Yeah, then he knows.

He's much less open about how he considers himself aromantic as well. he considers himself aromantic as well. Those kind of feelings just seem like a big distraction to him and only ever seem to lead to ruin and gruesome murder. Yeah, pretty much. That's true. I have a really bad prom night, don't we?

That's how my dates end. It's pretty aromantic, you gotta admit. He feels lucky that he's never felt that way towards anyone. And yet, he's been dating Lestrade for the last three years. Aww. Uh-huh. Because Greg seems to get it.

Even though Sherlock's never really said anything about it. Greg's never been one for big displays of emotion, and Had isn't particularly physically affectionate. Okay. I'm not sure. Oh, oh, it's, it's, oh, sure. So it's Greg Lestrade, the detective inspector that never, ever, ever is in the show for more than 30 seconds. Yeah, okay.

So, so that's a really important character. Anyway. Fangirls really like to latch on to characters that like just flashes of their face across the screen and then they make these whole big backstories for them I guess He has no problem

finding his sexual gratification with other people so long as Sherlock knows just how in love with him he is Oh my god this shit again are you guys for real Okay It's clear to everyone, no mater how unconventional it may look

from the outside, that Greg adores him. You know, he just uses other people as fuck dolls, and we're all cool with that because that's a... While he's fucking other people, he just maintains eye contact with Sherlock. Sherlock, well, Sherlock certainly likes Greg and enjoys his company

far more than anyone else he's ever met. He's perfectly fine with occasionally sharing his bed and it's not like he's disgusted by all the kissing. Oh, how brave. Dare he say he's happy with their strange little relationship. He's sure it's the closest thing

he'll ever feel to love. What the fuck? These are their fantasies, right? This is the best... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is the ideal world. This is the really hot stuff, yeah. Jesus.

So, yeah, so just to recap, he's aromantic. He doesn't want a romantic relationship. He just wants to move in with someone and for them to be together forever and be like, you know, exclusively seeing each other and prioritizing each other

and, you know, doing things for each other. That's not romantic, though, because no one's fucking bursting into song and serenading each other. And why not have it be the detective inspector that doesn't like you and once tried to put you in prison? No, that's hot.

That's hot. That's like bondage or something, man. Come on. Yeah. Then Sherlock is kicked out of his old flat despite Greg's offer to move in Decides to take the place at Baker Street And find a flatmate

And meeting John Watson makes Sherlock realize That he had been very, very wrong about romance Cue angst Alright angst, come on in here Tulder Sherlock is asexual and aromantic, but is dating Lestrade anyway, because why the fuck not?

But John's the one who actually makes him fall in love. And if we can somehow work out that he's more demisexual as well and includes some Oh, Jesus Christ! and or SL porn, I would love it forever. It's not necessary,

but who can say no to porn? I can. Asexuals? This is a fucking spider web of who's sexually and romantically and platonically attracted to each other. These guys want their cake, and they want to eat it too. They don't want their cake, and they don't want to eat it either. All right, buddy brain, what do you got? Let's see here.

So, we've had this. Sherlock prompts a blendie, and that's great. Love them. But I ain't seen any where the asexual community is a whore, is mentioned. Oh, goddammit! Talk about us! Why is this not

about me and my character on DeviantArt? So, wait, this is gonna be like Sherlock Holmes now starts a Tumblr? Yeah, I guess. This is like self-insert community. Holy shit. Yeah, it's reverse self-insert. Where he's meeting all of us, I guess.

And all would love to see a sexual Sherlock as a part of said community. Was thinking something along the lines of a semicolon, perhaps. Sure. Pretty hot. There is a smallish group of asexuals in London

that meet up at the pub every couple of months to chat and do backslash. Share experiences, etc. Share experiences of what? So did you not fuck anybody? Nope. How about you? Nope. Me neither. High fives. Share experiences at this sit-down. Share experiences of what? So did you not fuck anybody? Can I ask what? No.

How about you? No. Me neither. All right. High fives. Yeah, so if a bunch of asexuals, like, go to a bar, like, if it's an asexual bar, like, what happens at bar close? They take one last swig of Code Red.

Well, it's not an asexual bar. It's just a pub that they occupy a corner of, I guess. Okay. Oh, so they desperately want people to come up and hit on them so they can go, I'm darling, I'm in you!

I'm sure that's a fringe benefit. I think actually they all sit in different parts of the bar and then just, like, Tumblr message at each other. They used to have asexual bars

all over the place. They're called arcades. Oh. Alright, what else you got? Sherlock goes as well because while these people are still average and stupid and dull, they understand a part of him

that not many people get. Sherlock doesn't tell anyone that he's ace because it should be obvious, but really isn't shit. John, for some completely different reason, God damn it!

going for drinks with mates, taking Sarah on a date, is in the same pub, other locale, at the same time as Sherlock. And he's utterly shocked to see him getting along with other people. Sherlock notices John is there and invites him over to meet his group. Oh, okay. And then nothing happens. The result is up to author, but happy it's all fine ending with understanding John, he's a doctor, he's good at understanding, they would be loving.

My greatest fantasy is for someone to make friends with someone and then everyone really likes him and thinks he's really cool. Two men share a beer at a bar. A tale for the ages. I can only dream, buddy. That's quite the fantasy for some of these people.

It's a little bit more complicated than that, but just a little bit. I had a friend. Two men share a beer at the bar. One man goes, I don't like to fuck people. The other guy goes, ah, that's cool. The end. Alright, it's fine. What do you got? Sherlock is asexual, but

finds that nothing helps him relax and come down after a case like having his face fucked. What? I think your story starts too late chronologically. I want the exploration of him learning that. He one day is getting his face fucked, and he's like, you know.

This really helps me unwind. He actually tripped and fell on a dick. Yeah, it's like the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial where, hey, you got your mouth on my dick. Hey, you got your dick in my mouth. Two great tastes that taste great together. Oh, yeah. Like, well, whiskey didn't work, so I guess, oh, your dick in my mouth. Too great taste that tastes great to get. Oh, yeah. Well, whiskey didn't work, so I guess, oh, let's try

face fucking. I tried meditation. I just couldn't get into it. I imagine since he's asexual, I guess he's just leaning back in a lawn chair with some sunglasses on. Jamming their dick up his nose or something.

We'll never know. I hate to find out what he has to do if he gets a migraine. Oh my god. Oh, I'm gonna need a lot of dick for this one.

Both ears at the same time. I have two nostrils. By removing all other distractions and concentrating only on breathing which would probably be kind of hard

everything else fades away. Depends on what's getting fucked I suppose. Moving all other distractions and concentrating only on breathing, which would probably be kind of hard. Everything else fades away. Depends on what's getting fucked, I suppose. So, give me Sherlock on his knees, hands behind his back with a cock down his throat. I'm sure that exists in thousands of stories. Having his hair grabbed and his head held while, still while, someone slams their cock in and out of his mouth. Bonus points if you include a slightly breath

play element, and if they come down Sherlock's throat, holding his head in place with his nose to their pubes. Fluffy aftercare is a must. Is that a character name? I don't watch the show. Who's Fluffy Aftercare?

I say, it's our good friend Fluffy Aftercare. That's the Hanna-Barbera animal sidekick. Oh, sure. Oh, God. I prefer S slash L, but S slash J would totally work, too. Yes, but add stipulations to your kink meme

request. So, I'm asexual and I want an asexual Sherlock fanfiction, but there's lots of really weird fetishes in coming down the road. There is triplex shit going on in my asexual story.

I mean, seriously, I'm looking for a story where Sherlock gets throat-fucked. That's written. I fucking guarantee it. That story totally exists hundreds of times. Yeah. Okay, fair enough. What you do is you just take a story that you find on the internet, you erase a person's name, you write your name, and at the bottom, at the very end, you write, put a new paragraph,

also, he's asexual. Oh my god! I'm making that website right now i have just linked it all right all right about it i went to google and i searched for sherlock getting throat fuck first hit bang right there so so folks listening while we were talking about this acro actually found the story that this person asked for. Yeah, Sherlock John moans. Please, Sherlock. Yes, more. Suck me harder. Yeah, there it is.

Alright, Jimmy Franks, what do you got? This is based on a true story. Oh, that's nice. John is 100% straight. Sherlock is 100% asexual. Except every full moon

When he turns into a woman And is totally hot for John Sherlock is a Geikentrop Now bonus points At the first few times they sleep together John has no idea it's Sherlock He just thinks some hot crazy chick Who keeps picking him up at a pub every month

Oh that's fine. Well, for your information, I'm squeaky about period play. So please, no time of the month for Sherlock's, well, time of the month. Thank you. I like how this person typed in this and said, wait, there's a mathematical possibility that the period might come in. Now, I know what you assholes are thinking, and no. You just stopped me right now. Damn it.

I was going to write my period play story. Here's an excerpt from an interesting conversation I just had. You're attractive. You're erect and honest. But you can be as sly as a fucking fox You're a runner So you have a lot of stamina You do yoga for Christ's sake

Why do you have to be asexual When everything points to you being good and bad Now have fun with it This trooper just had an infatuation conversation I have fun with it. This trooper just had an infatuation conversation. Yeah. It's like when all those, like, fat nerds watch, you know, a kung fu movie,

and they're like, I could do all that, I just don't want to. So, this just in from Tumblr. Alright. A serial killer is going around killing asexuals. For reasons up to the author, but for example, for the sake of carrying on the population on human behavior, whatever. Sherlock is the killer's next target. Ooh, ooh. I'm going to write that story, and then Sherlock will get killed.

Twist. Might be a bit of a taboo request. Hey there, I'm an ace prompter. I'm an ace prompter. Good for you. That's great. I would very much like for an author to work on a fic that addresses the fact that the DSM-IV or DSM-IV, I don't

know which fucking thing it is, has asexuality still classified as a disorder, usually leads to a diagnosis of hypoactive sexual desire disorder. That would just be so hot. Sometimes that is what that means, but by God, let's not... What's the story, idiot?

The story is I want to feel oppressed like gay people, and gay used to be pathologized, and so I feel really, really mad whenever doctors say for me to get my hormones checked. So like Spooky Castle, Bulgaria, Thundercrack, Evil Scientist. Ah ha ha! I'm going to write a classification of mental illnesses and classify

asexuality as being one. Yeah. You monster! This is porn to these people. And I'm going to have it so that if you're classified this way, you're going to lead to not wanting to have sex disorder.

There you go. Ha ha ha ha. Lightning. And by the way, being in the DSM-IV doesn't mean... It's not like one of these things where you're in there, you're committed. It's just different diagnoses. Yeah, but they... committed, it's just different diagnoses. Yeah, but they

again... No, it's pretty much like wearing a Uden badge on your shirt. Well, yeah, this does legitimize them as some sort of persecuted little shit. Because all these other groups have been wanting to jump... Yeah, this is what they think of me. All these other groups have been wanting to jump on

being as oppressed as gay people, because we saw with the, because you know, we saw with the Fat Acceptance episode, we saw with the Multiples episode, that sort of thing, they say oh, people used to pathologize homosexuality and you know, act like it was a disease, so if anything I do is considered diseased or like

maybe abnormal, that's the exact same thing, I'm just as oppressed as this gay guy over here. Yeah, but Oscar Wilde was put in prison for it. Alan Turing was chemically castrated for it. You're just in a book, you stupid dumbass.

I don't get it. What are you talking about? We're not entering the oppression Olympics here, okay? But if we were, I would totally win. But we're not, okay? I'm just saying. I'm sober, at least. Alright, fuck this. I need to get my bon just saying. I have silver at least. All right, all right, fuck this. I need to get my boner going.

I'm tired of hearing all these tiny little snippets of stories. I want a fucking Sherlock story, and I want it to be fucking sexy, and I want Bunny Bread to read it. I want to hear the Cuddle Sutra, damn it. Oh, shit. Are you sure? Are you sure?

It's like the Kama Sutra, except for I don't have a penis that works. You're opening Pandora's box here, man. Are you sure? You sure you can handle it? The author describes it as a totally gratuitous cuddle thing. As opposed to all the completely necessary cuddle things. Look, I'll only do a cuddling scene if it's part of the story, okay? I'm sort of like plugging my ears and going la la la la la the whole time

because I don't know if I can handle this. The Cuddle Sutra. It takes two days of Sherlock folding up in his favorite chair with a book for John to ask what the hell he's reading. Sherlock's been quieter with that book than he's ever been in all the years John's known him. John hasn't seen the book anywhere other than

Sherlock's hands. So it's probably been riding around in Sherlock's coat pocket. Wink otherwise. Yeah, coat pocket is my coat for ass. I don't know if you caught that. Yeah. The detectives kept his Yeah, coat pocket is my code for ass. I don't know if you caught that. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Okay. The detective's kept his hands strategically pressed against the covers as he reads, knees drawn up to his chest while he sucks his own dick, so that John hasn't gotten a good look. So, every good story needs a good opening paragraph. Your opening paragraph is, man reads a book. Beep boop. Ace block, ride fanfare.

Reading and shit. Hopefully the next one's about eating a pastry. And it's in present tense, which I love. When he asks about, Sherlock peers up at him from his position and watches John carefully with his bright blue eyes. John stands in the kitchen and looks back. Sherlock lowers his eyes again. Unimportant, he says. Wait, no.

They like the Britishness of this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me then. Fucking unimportant, he says. Okay, so for the listener, that's Sherlock's voice. Okay. Right there. That was Sherlock.

Okay. John rolls his eyes. Bro, nothing can hold your attention longer than three seconds unless it interests you. You've been staring at that bloody thing for hours. It's not even a long book. Okay, so that's John Watson. So now we know what both of our characters sound like. You can turn on. I'm gonna turn on.

Sherlock doesn't respond, staring into the book, but obviously not reading. Sherlock, bro, hey, don't make me fucking snatch you from you. He gives a long suffering sigh, closes the book, and thrusts it out toward John in one hand.

John squints at it, snorts, and breaks into a toothy smile. The fucking Carl Soucher really fucking... I mean, shit. I mean, at first I was like, I don't know if that's a very good Martin Freeman, but now I realize that you kind of got the essence of him. I was actually doing the entire cast of Jersey Shore, but okay. Anyone else about cuddling? It's the Jersey Shore. No, you mean the Jersey of Britain.

The actual Jersey. Yes, that one. Sherlock pulls it back and opens it again, not making eye contact. Hey, fucking let me see that. Come here. Says John, taking a few steps towards him and taking it out of his hands. Sherlock doesn't protest. John flips through the little book, discovering it's half pictures of different cuddling positions.

With accompanying descriptions. Cuddling positions? Cuddling positions. Sherlock has, of course, marked off all the positions he likes. Some they've tried, and others they haven't.

They've haven't. They have haven't. They have haven't. Yeah. John looks at him again. Oh. You fucking silly, you get wanker, bloke, mate. Do you want to try these?

Is that why you've been staring at it for two days, huh? Bro, you can't have been reading this the whole time. First of all, neither of us can read. I can read this shit in a half hour, mostly because I just look at the pictures. Sherlock looks away and fidgets in his chair. John shakes his head. Almost nine years of marriage, and the man still can't just ask for what he wants. After nine years of marriage, and they're going to get adventurous enough to fucking hold hands and hug?

Oh, oh, wait. So Sherlock and John are Sherlock and John are married in this. Just to break away, I really like how Bunny Bread's improvising has actually made this girl's writing a lot more lively than it actually is.

Because otherwise it's two fucking alien robots just talking to each other. Let me see that. Look through this book. People cuddling. That is attractive. It is said sometimes that the cuddling is a prelude for other, more intimate behaviors that

does not do. No, it's not! You shut your face! It did not compute the logical conclusion. Alright, what else you got? Alright, come on in. John says, holding out his empty hand. Sherlock looks at him for a beat, as if deciding whether it's safe, but takes John's hand and gets up from his chair. Alright, uh, shit. Let's see.

I think, I think, uh, I think Jimmy Franks? Um, can you give us breakfast in bed? Certainly. Make it hot. I think Jimmy Franks. Can you give us breakfast in bed? Make it hot. I'll try to do it justice. Sherlock lies on his back, outstretched across the length of the sofa, and John lies on top of him, elbows tucked against Sherlock's sides, hands curled under Sherlock's shoulders.

He rests his head on Sherlock's chest and listens to his heartbeat. Sherlock keeps his arms folded over John, hands layered together on his back. I'm not that kind of girl. So even the cuddling is robotic. They have to pose. It says in the photo to position our bodies like this. Let us position our bodies like this. Our limbs untouchable. Cogbot engaged.

Can you breathe okay? John says, Sherlock smiles. Thank you. First? John says. Sherlock smiles. Thank you. First rate British accent. Sherlock smiles, looking at John's hair. I think you can deduce that on your own, doctor. The flawless Benedict Cumberbatch. Tell me if this gets uncomfortable.

I'm not exactly schoolgirl weight. Sherlock runs a hand over John's head. I like where I schoolgirl. Wait. Sherlock runs a hand over John's head. I like where I am in life. They lie quietly like that together for a while until John starts chuckling. Soon he's laughing hard, body shaking against Sherlock's. This porn story is so preposterous. And Sherlock smiles with face quirked in confusion, hands still folded on John's back.

Why are you laughing? We really are in the most asexual relationship ever! Says John, bursting into giggles. Hee hee hee! Christ, I've never used the actual Kama Sutra! All sexual people use the Kama Sutra. He laughs and laughs. I don't know how to fuck if not for that.

Until Sherlock joins him, thinking the whole time how very lucky he is. The story is being crushed under the weight of its own lampshade. We are in the asexual relationship. This relationship is classified as asexual. With a tolerance of 99.95 plus or minus 5%. Alright, it's fine. Take spooning, please. They lie on their sides in bed, backs to the door, and Sherlock spoons John, his face pushed into the base of John's neck. and Sherlock spoons John,

his face pushed into the base of John's neck. Despite how much he loves being the little spoon, the position does work better when he's the big one, since he's taller. He has his upper arm wrapped tightly around John's torso and his other arm shoved upward beneath the pillow. He and John are touching from head to toe and Sherlock breathes in the warm scent of John's skin and soft jumper.

He finds that when he is the little spoon, his joy comes primarily from feeling loved by John, whereas when he's the big spoon, his joy comes from loving John. He cannot, in all fairness, decide which feeling is better. After a bit,

Sherlock starts to kiss the back of John's neck. A small, gentle kisses with a closed mouth. John makes a humming sound of utter contentment. Kisses from Sherlock are very rare,

although John doesn't kiss him much either. They don't kiss each other on the mouth, except for the brief and extremely occasional peck, since it would feel too erotic otherwise. We can't have that.

Danger. Feeling overload. Feeling overload. Usually, it's John who kisses Sherlock on the forehead, the temple, the knuckles, the cheek. He's... The knuckles? The knuckles?

He's kissing his brain. He's punching someone. Yeah. It's just punching someone. He's never given much thought to receiving the back, but this feels perfect. The tender back of the neck peck. John's smiling wide with his eyes shut even after Sherlock stops.

From that night forward, when Sherlock is a big spoon, the kisses are routine. The kisses are routine. I think I wish somebody should read titty a titty. That might have some sex in it Oh wait no that's

Tay to Tay I got it Alright I got it I got it Lemon can you do it In your boots voice Okay Okay okay

Here we go Here we go Eroticism train Is coming back They sit on the floor Of their sitting room face-to-face, their hands resting on each other's shoulders. Hotter. Sherlock's long legs rest around John's,

which are folded in the space between them. They look deeply into each other's eyes. Sherlock's lighter blue clear and bright. Whoa. Sherlock's lighter blue clear and bright and John's darker blue constant. Yeah, they're talking about the cigarette lighters here. Sure.

Someone actually used the robot malfunction while I was writing this. They don't speak for several minutes. Just looking. I love you, says Sherlock. He pronounces the words clearly and deliberately, so it sounds like, I love you. Then, I love you too

Says John I think Ray Romano and Emo Phillips Got stuck in a bundle flying machine Yes Sky calls to us If we do not destroy ourselves We will one day Venture to the stars

Game done Earnestness softens the skin around their eyes and their mouths. They look at each other for a long time until lingering any longer will force them to smile in a strange breaking of intimacy. You can't like somebody and smile.

No, that would be sexual. And with that, Boots quits the podcast forever. Goodbye, guys. We'll see you next time, Boots. Fuck all you. Alright, and then Portex, just finish us up with the huggle.

The huggle. We've taken several of the positions from the cuddle suit. Bring it on home. Alright then. Sherlock! John! God, are you okay? Yes, of course!

They stand pressed together, almost stepping on each other's feet, hugging passionately with both arms. John's face is half pushed into Sherlock's shoulder, and they're nearly off-balance. They're holding each other so hard. I'm holding. I thought I was so scared you were. Shh. I'm alright. We're both alright.

They don't let go for a long time, and they keep their eyes closed. Boom, bam, boom. Surprise ending, man. You shy-balled on me. Hey, spot shutting down. Also, this is apparently not in the story, but this is something from some other story she's written. I'm in a sexless marriage. For the record, I have not

retired to a life of celibacy. I have a very dear friend of mine who understands my relationship with Sherlock perfectly and satisfies my sexual needs. Ugh. I'm just gonna fuck this girl on the side. That's so gross. Sexual people like that, right? Mm-hmm.

Yeah. You. Some of us, yeah. All right, so, you know, when you're a person that people send emails to about the F+, they send you documents. Okay. And so you read documents like this one from Professor Moriarty.

And part one is entitled Asexuals. And part two is entitled Dog Cocks and Empreg. How are we going to be able to tell apart the two, you know? That's quite a shift of gears. Yeah. That's quite a shift of gears. Yeah. Sherlock is an Omega and a vampire.

Oh, shit. Check this. Yeah, that's right. On the edge of my seat already. All right, all right. So everyone knows the status quo with regards to alphas, betas, omegas, zebras, various other frets. But the existence of vampires is not common knowledge okay okay okay gotcha yep okay john is basically oblivious until sherlock forgets to suppress a pill due to a long case or insert whatever trump you prefer here as long as it results in dot dot dot dot and

thing sherlock goes into heat and john is basically forced to jump his bones. Sure. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I've been there. Oh, what a hardship. As if they both haven't been pining this for ages. This would be all well and good with Sherlock, despite his intrinsic dislike of his inferior gender. But if he had to be with someone, who better than John? So Sherlock is man-hating in your story?

Okay, fine. He's also... I'm pretty sure there's lots of elements in this Omegaverse shit where it's like men are kept as pets and women keep them as pets, because why the fuck not? Sure, why not? Oh, this is reverse polarity. Given the chance, women would totally do that, so yeah. Okay. Except that,

well, you know, vampire and all that jazz. And he's the kind that has to feed to have sex. But he goes into heat either way? Gosh. Shit. That would suck. There are so many fetishes running together right now. I have no idea what this is.

I think I've been cornered by this woman at several parties. This is like if Jay Kordich took all the fetishes in the world and stuck them in a blender. I'm kind of a little weird, but I kind of embrace it. I'm going to trap you in an hour-long conversation and move

every time you try to get around me. I love that, and this is how it's going. So, yeah, Sherlock's in heat. John offers to take care of him or whatever. Sherlock, I don't even want to say that. Oh my god, I'm getting flashbacks.

Or at least you need to let me drink some of your blood first. And John's being like, I need to fight you too. Sorry, is that actually a question or whatever? Oh my God. And we're proceeding to do so.

So Sherlock, doctor, basically Sherlock is a vampire and an Omega. He doesn't like being an Omega, but it's not necessarily a secret. So shh. I mean, don't shh. But the vampire thing is. So shh again. He has to feed to have

sex. And when he goes in the heat and alpha! John is all ready to help him out. But he then has to explain about being a vampire and all that stuff. Which he expects to help him out. We then have to explain about being a vampire and all that stuff. We should expect to wear John out.

But then they have sex anyway. Just make sure they fuck. So I'm checking my notes here and so John is a vampire and the alpha and they have to have sex but there's dog cocks and fuck. No, you're not going to make sense of this.

I can't fulfill your prompt. I don't fucking understand. Oh my god, you're such a bitch! Fuck you! Fuck you with a dog cock. I never liked you anyway. That is what everyone knows about her. About two-thirds of the way through the conversation, yet they keep talking to you.

That's the weird part. Fuck you, you piece of shit. Oh my conversation, yet they keep talking to you. That's the weird part. The fucking piece of shit. Oh my god, you're so easy to talk to. I see you've talked to this girl as well. She gets around. Alright, Esma, what do you got? Reprompt from part 26. Omegaverse.

Scent marking. All the things I forget about. Omega! John goes into labor and gives birth with Alpha Sherlock close by. Okay. And the baby is born. Who is the baby given to? John!

Is this the choose your bed? So that he can... Sorry, spoilers. John! So that he can send the baby and let everyone know that this kid is his kid or Sherlock because he is an alpha overprotective

and it's his job to send Mark the baby? What? It's like these girls... In my porn, a man pisses on a baby. The end. These girls desperately want to have sex with dogs and they're just going so far out of their way to, like, cover it up.

They originally wrote all these stories about just really poor ideas of canine reproduction and they're like, wait a minute, they might think I want to fuck dogs. What if I change all instance of dog to Sherlock characters? Sherlock!

So Sherlock is chasing a frisbee, right? But he's human. You guys gave him too much credit Her dog is called Sherlock Oh That makes sense Alright, Jimmy Franks, what do you got? Moriarty is an omega Who likes large, strong male alphas

Who easily take charge of him in bed He has many Men who fit this requirement in his organization, but he trusts none of them with his safety during heat. However, he knows his favorite rival, Sherlock, has a very nice, kind, considerate alpha he's not using. Moriarty knows that John would never take advantage of him during his heat, and being a former soldier makes him all the more appealing.

What is it about Moriarty that makes you think that he's, like, submissive? Is it the part where he, like, brutalizes? Lemon, we've already established that these characters... Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. They're not characters. What's the part about Sephiroth that makes them think that he's a gentle soul? Moriarty is just, he works so hard and he just likes to unwind at the end of the day, you know? Oh, fair enough.

Yeah. Okay. Anyway, a day or two before Moriarty's heat starts, he kidnaps John and takes him somewhere where they can be alone together for the duration. Until his heat starts, he keeps John tied up, but since he's so close and Jim's very near his heat,

he can't help but play a little and torment his new alpha with his growing scent. As in to send. S-E-N-T. Mailed it to him. Because if it were S-C-E-N-T, it would be gross. Finally, Jim's heat comes and John takes charge. And Jim has a rather filthy mouth in bed. Has to make his tent to during heat.

Why don't you just brush his teeth or something? If you can, I'd like to read about multiple nodding and as detailed and sexy as you can make it. That can't be sexy. I'm sorry. If you can't, that's even better. Well, wait a second. Well, that's pretty easy. Multiple nodding and as detailed and sexy as you can make it.

So, alright. Here we go. John's got multiple knots. That's as sexy as it could possibly be. Oh, yeah. That's the stuff. Yeah. Oh, bonus. If you like, perhaps Jim likes having John be more than

simply a one-time alpha and intends to repeat this. Of course. Also, what does Sherlock think of all this, and how much does John mind? Was he wanting a relationship with someone, or with Sherlock? You know who minds? I mind. I mind a lot. I mind that this is happening.

How big is this community with all these fucking stories? There you go. Who cares? That's a disruption. I don't want to know this. Alphas are generally dominated and able to impregnate omegas. Male alphas usually have a knot, like a dog, when aroused. Betas are subordinate to alphas and may or may not be able to impregnate omegas.

Betas aren't present in the trope. Omegas are generally the lowest of the hierarchy. Male omegas are self-lubricating and have the ability to become pregnant, sometimes referred to as... Poor Tax, please stop reading gross things. Please, please stop reading gross things so I can read my story. Fine.

Okay, the first time Sherlock goes into heat, there's no one around to take care of him. Maybe alphas and omegas are both rare. Maybe Sherlock is an exception. Either way, he needs to be knotted, and he'll do anything to make it happen. Mycroft walks in on Sherlock being fucked by the family dog. What? That's a 1960s sitcom.

That did happen in a lot of Leave it to Beavers. Oh, God. Because he needs the not that bad. Whether Mycroft looks on in horror or scolds Sherlock and possibly takes care of him himself. Oh, brother, you're being fucked by a family dog. Stop that. Also, here's a handjob, I guess.

Our family's a little strange. Anyway, that's up handjob, I guess. Our family's a little strange. Anyway, that's up to you. Thank Mycroft for Anon. I think my face is glowing. It's so red. Looking further into the Alpha Omega thing on here, it says history. The trope probably originated

in the Supernatural fandom. Of course. See, now there's a surprise. That's where most of this weird shit comes from, isn't it? Can I tell you... That's kind of ground zero for... I wanted to share a Quebecois idiom with you, which I think would be really appropriate.

In French, we would say, which Google would translate the verb as poke, and the dog. Poke the dog? Yeah, it's not poking the dog as poke, and the dog. Poke the dog? Yeah, it's not poking the dog, I'll tell you what. It means basically catastrophically wasting your time. By fucking, by fighting Omega. Wait, wait, so the French think that fucking a dog is a waste of time?

Yeah, because it's a shock to you. Well, the Canadian French. Stop kink-shaming the French. Well, I'm happy it ended like that, because when he said, I have an idiom that really relates to this The Quebecois really made me sick Alright so As I said

This document has several parts The first part Again as I said Asexuality Then we read that part Then I went to part two which we just read Which is called Dog, Cox, and M-Preg. Okay.

So now we're going to skip down to part three, which is called Asexual Dog, Cox, and M-Preg. What? What? What? This is some kind of fucking Reese's Peanut Butter Cup of catastrophically bad ideas. Portex, will you

take us through the world of asexual dog cocks? How does this happen? You were not kidding! What the fuck? I wasn't kidding, no! This will clear things up. If your head explodes during this podcast, are we, like, liable? No, no, no. I'm Canadian. It's all in healthcare.

Don't worry about it. Okay, so first prompt here is, Asexual virgin Sherlock is a beta. I'm quite happy with that, seeing how outfits and omegas seem perpetually preoccupied with breeding and bonding. I know, right? Yeah. So true.

That's happening. That's happening to the case. Omega John has never shown any sexual interest in Sherlock whatsoever. The end! Yay! Then a case goes awry. Oh. Sherlock and John get stuck somewhere on their own and John goes into heat.

It's a classic bottle episode. So where's the asexual dog talk factor in this? Because Sherlock is the asexual, and John is going to go so in heat that he loses his mind and acts like a crazy person, and I'm guessing

rape happens? One's asexual, one has a dog cock, they're together on an island. John's like, oh god, I gotta fuck, I gotta fuck, and Sherlock's like, oh, that's nice. So, anyway. I really wish I wasn't stuck in this ice fishing shack with you. Alright, and last one in the asexual dog cocks and empreg.

Bunnybride, what do you got? Alpha, Sherlock, and Omega. John are bonded, but not mated, due to Sherlock's asexuality. They handle John's heats with... Heats? Yeah. Heats. Lots of the heats. He's asexuality. They handled John's heats with... Heats? Yeah. Heats. Lots of the heats.

He's a drug racer. He has multiple Miami basketball friendships. That's right. With toys and lots of cuddling. That'll take care of it, right? That's where the cuddle suit came from. Up to filler if their scents are mingled just as much as if they were mated. And nobody knows they aren't.

Or if the... What? This sentence... I don't. This sentence didn't really begin or end. It's up to filler if their scents are mingled. Yeah, sure. I get it. Just as much as if they were mated and nobody knows they aren't or if they're open about the state of affairs or if they use false scent.

Take this where you fucking like. I don't care. I can't read. Straight to the trash can. Yeah. Alright. So, chapter one, asexuality. Chapter two, dog cocks and empreg. Chapter three, asexual dog cocks and empreg. And then chapter four is called miscellany.

I'll take potpourri for 400. Potent potables. I think this will just be a fun grab bag let's just see what we get it's fun sex and siblings aka Mycroft is a dick and wants Sherlock to know it

the problem Sherlock has with Mycroft is that he is quite a vulgar person in speech and attitude towards other people and goes above and beyond to inform Sherlock of his sexual interests Mycroft saying such as how much he likes pussy in conversations is quite common This sounds like Finleyville Bunny Bread fanfic. Mycroft is very posh. I can't imagine

Mycroft saying, I'm just looking for a piece of that boontang. I totally love to bang this girl and I banged her with my dick because, you know, dicks are for banging pussies and it's really great. Way in a row. Then comes the day. Then comes that day. Then comes that day.

All those years ago. Tenses, oh my god. Yeah, a lot of them at once. When Mycroft asks Sherlock if he can use his computer, reluctantly he does so. When his brother is finished and leaves for bed, Sherlock checks his history. leaves for bed, Sherlock checks his history. Lo and behold, Mycroft had nothing important to do except check his triple-X

dating site and have nasty conversations with other people as he arranged to meet them for sex. Sherlock was well aware that Mycroft was using a sex dating site, but Mycroft tried to pass it off as a simple dating site before. So he spends all his time

talking about his dick, but when it comes to actually... No, I didn't go on a dirty website. I wasn't talking about... Man, I didn't know all that shit. Hang on. Actionable things. I thought we understood that I was just full of shit. I thought we had an understanding here.

Now look, folks. Sherlock might be the youngest, but he's certainly not stupid, semicolon. Oh, come on! Yeah, because he's Sherlock fucking Holmes! He figures shit out! Sherlock Holmes is not stupid. And it's certainly not like he takes cocaine.

I'm sorry. And it's certainly not like either of them aren't adults and Mycroft can do what he likes with his life and body. However, why does it need to be Sherlock's business? Why Mycroft feels this is okay beyond him. Why Mycroft feels this is okay is beyond him. Sorry. This is a letter to my brother

to tell him to stop being annoying about when I look at porn. He's really passive-aggressive here. Yeah. Rightfully pissed, Sherlock tells his brother not to do that on his computer. That's not what he borrowed it for, and that is diffidently not what you use your younger sibling's

computer for, swing and a miss. And that is diffidently not what the word diffidently means. Mycroft says he won't, and that sates Sherlock for the moment. Till the next day when Mycroft has to do something important, fallowed by even more sex site browsing. There's just nothing growing in that sex site.

Completely Jen. Oh my god. How it resolves, if it resolves, is up to you. Wait, if it resolves? So this story's gonna go on forever? Okay, so Jen is like, termed for general, which is fanfiction that doesn't have any, like, smut in it?

Yeah. And so this is just, this is a general fanfic about how his brother won't stop fucking using the computer for sex date. Yeah, but you don't need to use sexy stuff in it or anything. It's just like, he's looking at cooking sites, or he's looking at political sites. No, it's just a

discussion about computer use. Oh, okay. And maybe there'll be a really hot chapter where they'll draw up a chart. There's not supposed to be hotness to it. The next paragraph is very telling. This is what my brother just pulled on me,

even after I told him I didn't want that shit on my computer. If he wants to use it again, fuck him. I'll slam on the top of his fingers the relationship I have with my brother in a nutshell. I'm sure he'll never do that again. So I'm pretty much just announcing, I'm projecting. So passive-aggressive. It's like, I can't even tell my brother to not use my computer. So instead, I'm going to get somebody else to write a fanfic in which I am Sherlock.

And Sherlock doesn't even... I'm so passive-aggressive, I won't even write my own passive-aggressive revenge fic. Yes. All right, Jimmy Franks. Okay, if nobody has any objections, I want to skip one and go to the next one. Take the one you like. I think it would be an excellent pitch for the actual TV show as well as a pitch for some fan fiction. So let me just lay this out.

Clear your mind. Okay, so I think Stephen Moffat probably listens to this podcast, I'm going to assume. All right, so in your mind's eye, picture this. You listening, Stephen? Here we go. Both Sherlock and John visit the same local glory hole on a weekly basis. I can see it. Neither one of them know that they're both visiting the same place. We'll call it a study and kink.

Conflict. So John goes because he loves to suck cock, especially the beautifully long, thick, pale cock who regularly visits. You know what I'm saying? Sherlock goes because he loves having his cock sucked by strangers, especially the man with the gorgeously talented mouth. You see where this is going?

Is Sherlock going to sell his cock for a lip ring for the guy with the mouth? Hold on, hold on. This carries on for weeks for a lip ring for the guy with the mouth. Hold on, hold on. All right. This carries on for weeks until one afternoon when Sherlock is in the shower. John hears him making the exact same sound his favorite client makes when he comes. Uh-oh. John doesn't mention what he's figured out and waits until Sherlock has gone out that evening before visiting the glory hole again.

Sure enough, his favorite cock is back. And when John makes him come, he makes an identical sound to Sherlock. So it's like an O. Henry thing. Yeah. I love it. I love it. So how does John react to the realization that his favorite client is and always has been Sherlock? Oh, super well, I would imagine.

Soon to find out. He's just like, ew, you're gay? I've been working with a gay guy this whole time? Some fucking flip the script. Oh, that wasn't me, dude. Haven't you ever heard of a coincidence? Oh, Henry. Oh, my Oh my god

I think we gotta stop there That was amazing Oh wait, wait, wait, hang on I'm sorry, it's my turn I have to read this anglerfish thing Somebody has to read that because Plot twist, a woman is involved Okay, hang on

Let me just read this thing then. Femme! Moriarty X! Femme! Sebastian! Sherlock! Warning! Possible dubcon slash non-con. I don't know. Possible. I'm saying dubious consent. Maybe. Who knows? We can't be sure.

They're just dropping a hint in their own request. Hint, hint. We can't be sure whether or not there's any sort of, like, I don't want to be gross by asking for it, but, you know, wink, wink. Right. Right. But it does contain the following sentence. Ever been fucked with a loaded gun?

Can't say it hard, no. By the way, I would prefer it if it were fully informed, enthusiastically consensual. Of course you would. But if you make it rape, enthusiastically consensual. Of course you would. But if you make it rape, hey, who's going to say no, really? You know, I've, like, and that's true for my own personal life. Like, you know, I've always wanted to fuck a woman with a loaded gun, but I can't seem to find the one that's willing.

So, um, here's one called Anglerfish. Sure. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Here's one called Anglerfish Sure Yeah Okay, does she also have Does she also have a giant Like stick that comes out of her forehead Oh good, good, good

Oh my god would think, because she thinks this is groovy until he physically attaches himself to her and atrophies into a parasitic sac of gonads ready to impregnate her when her body is ripe. I would totally read that. That's amazing. Which is actually what anglerfish do. That is how anglerfish reproduce! So wait, so that means that

Sherlock is pretty tall. Yeah, that's the thing. Male anglerfish are tiny, so that means that because Sherlock is pretty tall Yeah, that's the thing, it's like melee or fish are tiny so Sherlock would just kind of latch on to her So Molly would have to be at least probably five stories high I'm thinking maybe he's already tiny so he has to climb on her

and she's trying to shake him off like Shadow of the Colossus style while he turns into nuts Is the same author ever writing a thing about the same sort of deal, but Sherlock is a dung beetle? I'm just wondering. There was this one really weird mousy girl in my marine biology

class, and I think she might have been the one who wrote this premise. Oh, wait. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I just need the sentence. The sentence, okay. Mycroft ties Sherlock up and gives him a delicious slow handjob.

When Sherlock is close to coming, he ceases all stimulation so that Sherlock doesn't orgasm and remains hard while the cum oozes out. Then he does it again! And again! Knock it off, asshole! Wait, wait. Keep going, keep going. He smears the cum on Sherlock's face, which is

why he has such a beautiful complexion! Oh, this is a Noxzema commercial! Yeah, oil of LA type shit. Oh my god. Fuck. I think Desmond needs to read the last one, though. No, I don't.

Yes, you do. Read it. Or you could read the comment with the deception one. No, Isma needs to read the last one. Yeah, well... Military kink roleplay, Ryu. Possible gangbang. Possible. Possible, we'll see.

John's the commanding officer. Sherlock's new recruit conscripted to be the entertainment in the officer's mess. Basic training for him consists of regular canings to increase his endurance. That's not how caning works. Okay. Lots of stretching plugs and enemas so his hole is ready and clean to military standard. So a white glove test on his rectum. The asshole is inspected during class A inspection.

Learning how to lick boots to a perfect shine. Correct posture when used as a footstool. Cocksuck control. Wait a minute. Now, is this why Bob Hope kept signing up for those USO tours? As far as I understand, yes. And regular prostate milkings to keep him dry until he learns not to stain his superior officer's uniforms

with unauthorized cum. You get that cum sign! He has to give a challenge to the dick. Oh, that was terrific. for i was looking for some company that's right and there we go round about an hour of very nerdy girls being very, very, very weird. Isfahan, where'd you learn this week? Well, I learned that some fangirls really go all or nothing when it comes to their proclivities.

Yeah, certainly. I mean, on the one hand, you've got the asexual characters who are totally asexual and don't have sex and talk about how much sex they're not having and isn't everything just great and peachy and let's cuddle. And on the other hand, you've got the omega verse where it's just all these um i think one time you called it a uh fetish buffet yeah um and and just how secondary the actual characters involved are like

obviously and it is and it is i mean it is more disgusting than an old country buffet yeah uh just barely um yeah but obviously the characters are very important that they are in the setting because that's they're they're fans of the show and they're fans of picturing these people but the characterization is just gone and because it doesn't really matter you know if it was important it'd be in there but it isn't important so it's out yeah yeah it's it's i mean like it's it's one of those i mean you know sometimes f plus episodes will make me mad and this one like at times i was getting mad and the thing that i was getting mad about is that like this is you know a fairly well-defined show a well-written show, a show that actually uses text from like a hundred years ago. And so

these characters exist. They're archetypal. They've been created probably 40 or 50 times. There is a correct way to write them. Right. They've existed. And then these people will take the characters and they'll write fan fiction where Mycroft is a fat, ugly, transsexual woman.

And it's like, well, then why is it Mycroft? I don't understand. Why did you take that thing and put it in that other thing's box? It's so confusing to me. I think it has to do with how none of these fan fictions existed before the TV show did. Nobody was writing this kind of stuff about the Sherlock novels. You know? I don't know that that's true, actually. I mean, you know,

Arthur Conan Doyle, he tried to stop writing Sherlock a couple times. Like like writing a book where he would kill Sherlock Holmes in such a way to say there he's dead. Now I can't write any books, douchebag. So so I think that, you know, he was dealing with the same thing. He was he was dealing with with a fan fiction or a fan community that he found annoying. However, in this case, they were

royals instead of basement dwellers. And if you're a royal or a basement dweller, either one, I would like you to go to thefpl.us where we have all of our comments or all of our episodes on Archive.

A lot of great stuff. Also, and perhaps more importantly, you should go to Ballpit. That is B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. It is our new community. It is going very well. We are over

400 registered members. Isfahan's post count as of this recording is 476. 476. So he's on top. I think I'm like 150 or something like that.

But yeah, please take place. It's fun. We're having fun. There's balls. Mm-hmm. And I don't have a segue, so goodbye! Night. Fellas, what's the move? Fellas, what's the groove? There's somebody bringing me in there. What suit should I wear tonight?

If you think I'm cool, you're right. Somebody say Kool-Aid! Shrink it! Uh! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! What? Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it! Shrink it!

Shrink it! Shrink If you go to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Wikipedia page, you'll see a photo where he just has kind of this rueful look, like he just knew this was going to happen eventually. Yeah, he's a time traveler. This is what you people do with my intellectual property. Oh, come on stop that i want to go on tumblr and just start responding to every girl who writes shit like this on tumblr with just this picture look into this man's eyes see look what you're doing