The F Plus - 99: Mr. Gandolfini? We Have A Few Rewrites.

Episode Date: April 9, 2013

The F Plus has spent a number of years exploring odd areas of the internet in order to present you with material you might find thought provoking, interesting, horrifying, or otherwise upsetting to your worldview. Sometimes. We sometimes do that. Other times we find crappy fanfiction and read it derisively. This week, The F Plus has forgotten what The F Plus did with all the prounouns The F Plus had.

How you doing? This is the F Plus Podcast. Terrible things, red with enthusiasm. My name's Lemon. I'm Boots Reingear. And Boots, what do we got tonight? We got something good? Yeah, we got some fan fiction for you.

Fan fiction? All right. I love the fan fiction. It gets hot and sexy. I am definitely in the mood for some hot and sexiness. No, you're not. So bring it down. Let's get some dog cocks.

Let's get it going. No, no. This is Baby Mimi's fan fiction. Oh, dude. And Baby Mimi is moralistic and has good values. So we're all going to learn some wonderful lessons. Oh, dear. About life and love and marriage and morality

and everything that's good about humanity in the context of popular television shows. Oh, like, okay, because so Dawson's Creek but with a moral at the end of it? Yeah, yeah, because

that's what gives me boners. That's what gives you boners? Yeah. Alright, well I guess we to fill that gap then. Readers, assemble! She's a waterfall She'll carry on through it all She's a waterfall In the room tonight we have Boots Reingear.

Her waterfall explodes like the volcano of a waterfall. It's fun. Don't mind the other reviewers. I think it's wonderful that Xena finds salvation. And yes, better fashion sense. And Siracoaddle. I have remonstrated Bunnybread like two overflowing moons on a dark sea of non-moon-ness. Bunnybread!

I didn't know that Rachel, Phoebe, and Gunther were on Star Trek. Thanks for clearing that up for me. That was sarcasm, by the way. Dick. Okay. On the internet at left-handedradio.com. Adam Bozarth. Are you from Italy?

Are you educated in the nature of pronouns? Do you live under telephone wires? Yes. Yes, I do. And lemon. Oh, my sadness is so bad today. Yes. Yes, I do. And Lemon. Oh, my sadness is so bad today. No! Aw, money.

Your sadness is badness. ... ... ... ... ... Baby Mimi has produced any number, or that is a big number, of pieces of fanfiction

on fanfiction.net. You know, I don't think we really need to diddle around too much here. Why don't we just get into... What if we want to diddle around too much here. Why don't we just get into... What if we want to diddle? Can we continue diddling if we had already started? You don't want to get the literary blue balls here. Come on, man.

Exactly. If I don't finish now, then... It's going to be ugly. These stories are all rated kindergarten level. Oh, I'm going to stop diddling them. This is what I'm going to do. All right. So, Isfahan.

All right. This is a Star Trek The Original Series story. I guess we got to do it this way because it's... A lot of these aren't online anymore. So, Esfahan, this story is called Spock Things to Do.

Captain Jim Kirk said Jim was to be on a planet and would hug a woman of a beauteous splendor as though the woman was a waterfall of beauty. So, Spock, please be in goodness, and don't let bad stuff happen to my cool ship, Jim pardoned.

Cool, Spock presents. Cool. Alright, chill. Some cool Spock presents. Spock is an alien, and Spock has an ear pointing upwards into the splendorous sky like a gaping volcano,

but like that volcanoes residing in the place in Europe with famous and people likes to go there and be talking of a travail there later. Okay. Yeah. Many movies. So it's just the one ear that's pointed up? It's the other one.

It's just normal. Yeah. Well, the one, they both point up, but only one is like a volcano. Yeah. Yeah, okay, yeah. He has an ear infection on one side. Guys, I want to know what Spock does next. Many movies likes to be there.

Like a movie with Chris O'Donnell. I think Chris is so handsome, Chris played Robin in another movie. Y'all know what movie that was. Oh, wait, it was The Mask. So Spock sat down and Spock did a thought, but then Spock screamed, Spock screamed, oh no,

what if Jim is not virtue on the planet? Because Jim is bad. But Jim is my best friend, but Jim is bad, and Jim should not kiss butt and soulmate and wife. So Spock's did a run to the L.A. Vator and reclined it to the planet. Spock

sat down on the planet, and Spock saw Jim. I imagine he just, like, beamed down, just like, in Indian style, just... But Jim was not bad. Is he landing on the little princess planets?

How big are these things? This planet is too hard. This planet is too soft. He kicked his feet up onto an ottoman planet. But Jim was not bad. Jim held hand of the beautiful lady with the lady's hair. The lady was long-haired and pretty.

Well, the story checks out. I wish I had long hair. That's not an aside. That's in the story. No, no, you wish you had a long hair. No, you don't. You just... Oh, man, I'll...

You wish you had what? Yeah, what do you wish you had? All online fiction needs sad truths in parentheses. But it's worse. I always left home on prom night and... She only wished she had one long hair. Yeah, she wants one pube that really just goes out of the way. I wish I had a long hair.

Sorry, I don't think I... No, I think she means like a hippie. I wish, like... I wish I had a hippie in my life. Oh! Well, in that case, it should be hyphenated, damn it. Wish I had a damn long hair. Yeah, I wish I had a hippie in my life. Oh, okay. Well, in that case, it should be hyphenated, damn it. Wish I had a damn long hair. Yeah, wish I had a beatnik.

And Jim said, Oh, Spock, I am in love, and I will marry. Cool. We can marry now. Cool. Jim said, Yes, it will be cool, replied of Jim's bride.

So Spock smiled and had glee as Spock runs off with smiles at pretty ladies. And Spock gets married even though Spock has weird ears and Spock is kind of ugly in eyebrows. Wait, Spock got married? Yeah. Spock has the vocabulary of a Pokemon. Cool, I choose you!

So Spock's things to do include sending Kirk to a planet, then going to cockblock Kirk on a planet, then getting married. Yes. Yeah. Okay. That sounds like Star Trek to me, yeah. That happens to me at least once a year.

Then they wrestle each other and karate chops. Hey, Adam. Could you show me the meaning of being lonely? Show me the meaning of being lonely. I don't really know what it means, and I'd like to know what the meaning of being lonely is. So this is a show me the meaning of being lonely X-Files. Titled, show me the Meaning of Being Lonely, X-Files. Titled Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.

This book is so personal of me because she was based of a real life incident when I hurt my toe. Oh no! That is personal. I stubbed my toe once. There's so many toe stubbing episodes of the X-Files. Yeah. Holder, I stubbed my toe on a table, many toe stubbing episodes of the X-Files Yeah Holder I stubbed my toe on a table but there's no table in the room The hurt is the second toe Away from the right foot

Oh that's the worst The phantom toe away from the right foot But my toe is healing now I know though that to me It is necessitated to make a good good and longer than my longest almost story. Oh. English cannot be this person's first language.

This actually feels like it's been machine translated from another language. I don't care, though. Yeah, machine, like a cranky machine. Well, yeah. Steampunk story generator. I was thinking more just a literal meat grinder, like they threw in a bunch of real books,

and then out came this shit for some reason. So that was the prologue, and now here's the story. Show me the meaning of being lonely X-Files Fox Mulder and Dana Scully was at a party Because Dana chose a new red dress Like many sparkles in a waterfall Down the single valley cliffside

In red So Scully throws a party every time she buys a dress Yeah Don't you guys do that in the States? Up in Canada, you don't buy dresses. Time to pay attention to me. We don't wear dresses, you Canadian pussy. This was a honeypot.

She had heart-shaped features. She is an FBI agent, after all. And Dana wanted to wear Dana's dress to a fancy party. She's also a drag queen, apparently. Well, Dana's a unisex name. Yeah. Dana White, the head of the UFC, is the other Dana in question here. Oh, God, now I'm imagining Dana Carvey in a dress.

Oh. Yeah. Have fun. Dana went to the party. I can't picture that for some reason. The monkey heart just beating outside of it. Jesus. Okay, this next

line seems like a bit of a reach for baby Mimi. Dana unctuously morosed. Mulder must be a go because Mulder was so cute and so handsome. That's how women... That didn't feel morose.

That's how women consent to sex with me They're like, Isfahan, you're a go Now get in there Does she wave those little glowy sticks Like you see on airports? Yeah, because I can't see around it You go to a lot of raves at airports, don't you? I don't think you understood that

Okay, where am I? Mulder, I want you to go to a party and go to the very same party accompanied with I. Mulder, yours is so cute and so handsome. Dana unctuously sniffled. Let's try and figure out what word baby Mimi learned during the writing of this. Actually, we're both misusing the word learned.

What combination of letters she saw and retained in her head. There it is, yep. I like the thing that each story ties into a specific edition of Reader's Digest. We'll always find five new words in each one. Fanfiction in uniform.

Yeah, she has a word of the day calendar. I don't doubt it, especially with the next paragraph. I think that's how she's learning English, with a word of day calendar. Mulder's hair stymied oneself silken and tepid as though the hide of a swarthy grizzly bear remains in Mulder's hair stymied oneself silken and tepid as though the hide of a swarthy grizzly bear

remains in Mulder's own place. Stymied, tepid, swarthy. Come on now. Yep. A swarthy grizzly bear. That's fantastic. Good evening, madam. I've come to eat trout and shit in the woods.

And I'm all out of woods. Oh, that's a go! The handsomeness of Mulder exceeded any handsome man Dana ever saw. His handsomeness level was just off the chart. Mulder smiles a smile as though an effervescent stream of blue water in a valley languishing its jubilancy onto the crescent highlands like a waterfall. Awesome! She really likes waterfalls, too. Waterfalls are pretty.

She had to piss while she was writing this. Her love is in svelte pools. I wish I would see a man who is Mulder looking, but I do not like a big nose. I want a small or a normal one. Okay. I think that one wasn't in parentheses that time. No, yeah.

Mulder unctuously chanted, Oh, Dana, I am so happy you are pretty, and you did say I shall come. You gotta chant that. He chanted that. Oh, Dana, I am so happy you are pretty, and you did say I shall come. Oh, Dana, I said. Oh, Dana, I am so happy you are pretty, and you did say I shall come. I'm done.

Mulder replied. Dana sat by Mulder. Dana is avataring like a waterfall. What the fuck? That's a Bruno Mars song. Waterfall for Smurf? Avataring like a waterfall. Waterfall.

I wish I did marry with Mulder. Hi, ruminated Mulder unctuously. You are zero for five on that word right now. Guys, what's unctuous mean? What if she keeps trying eventually, man? It's a clock.

Greasy? Like savory. Like unctuous mean, by the way? She keeps trying, eventually, man. It's greasy? Like savory. Like unctuous. Like delicious. Unctuous would be, yeah, like kind of an umami-like deliciousness. Are you, like, losing all meaning of the word, too, as more you hear it? Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah.

Walking was done by Mulder and Dana, but with that furthermore portentous prophecy, Mulder screamed and Mulder's screams scared Dana, so Dana runs crying unctuously. For sex? She was crying so greasy. Also, wow, that's the hugest passive voice I've ever seen. Walking was done by.

It's like an 8th grade graduation. The story was written by a body smatcher. Oh, no, no, no, no, Dana, don't run away. Please don't run. Please, I love you, and I thought we should get a marriage

age and Dana stopped and yelled so loudly Dana's yell felt like a roaring volcano I am filled of happiness it is a waterfall of joy I am in knowing you love me why you screaming

hurt Mulder because I fear so many aliens are gonna kidnap me after you screaming. My toe. Ouch, ouch. There we go. What a twist. There's a twist ending. Yeah.

So Dana was crying, but Dana's waterfall of salt in water tears. Water tears. Salt in water tears. Salt in water tears. Yeah, salt in water tears. Water tears! Salt in water tears. Salt in water tears. Yeah, salt in water tears. And I'll have a salt in water. So Dana was crying, but Dana's waterfall of salt in water tears was of Dana's

empatheticness. Empatheticness. Instead of show me the meaning of being lonely, the story should be called waterfall versus unctuous. Yeah. Show me the meaning of being lonely, the story should be called Waterfall vs. Unctuous. Yeah. Show me the meaning of unctuous. But there's also volcanoes.

Ballistic, unctuous, vs. waterfall. I heard it. I stepped on a nail, Mulder said unctuously. Of course. So Dana carried Mulder to a hospital. How? How did he do it? It doesn't say.

Dana carried Mulder to a hospital and then one day after the hurting, Dana and Mulder marry. Awesome! Happy ending. That's beautiful. I'm sure it's so sweet. The meaning of being lonely is stepping on a nail. Ow!

You know what? I bet they had their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. Because they both love waterfalls so much with that story. You know what? I bet they had their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. Because they both love waterfalls so much. Aw. Bunnybread? I feel like this whole recording seems a little, I don't know, godless to me. Yeah, you know,

I was thinking the same thing. Will you bring the Christ in the form of a Seventh Heaven fanfiction story? I'm gonna shove the Christ down your goddamn filthy throat. And please make very sure to read the one-sentence synopsis of the story. Because I want to know, before we start hearing

the story, I want to know what the story is actually about. Okay, alright. And God will lead us to glory. I want to tell y'all about this. My name is Baby Mimi and I want to take y'all on a journey.

I want to take y'all on a journey to meet the Lord. And I want to tell you about how Mary and Mary's friend, who is pregnancy. Oh, Jesus. Pregnancy. I'm not actually going to do this whole reading in that voice, are you? Oh God.

Yeah, I still haven't recovered. Don't be killing yourself. Oh God. I have to, man. It's for Jesus. Jesus doesn't like a suicide, man. Oh, you serious? I've been crying. Oh, shit. My slow suicide through booze is, bro.

Sorry, God. Oh, he's down with wine. So you're okay. Oh. All right, so something about pregnancy? Yeah, so tonight on Seventh Heaven, Mary's friend is pregnancy. Right. It's very special.

Oh, it's a special episode of Seventh Heaven. What a delightful treat. Right after an all-new Wayans Brothers. Sin and absolution. I am so against abortion, I think it is so bad to kill an innocent baby.

Well, that's fine. Oh, that one sucks. That baby was unfit. That baby fucking deserved it, man. You know, like convicted felon babies. Yeah. Felon babies. Beat you up. Jesus.

How can anyone do such a bad thing and look themselves in the eye again? Huh? It is so wrong, so I decide to write a story about why it's wrong and maybe convince some future mothers to not kill their Babies and to keep them safe and not kill You should not have carnal relations before Maria age anyway, unless your name is Mulder and or Spock

Mary I think I'm married. They both got married name is Mulder and or Spock. Mary. They got married. They both got married. Oh, they did? I thought they were fucking. That waterfall thing wasn't a metaphor? Okay.

Jim, the space slut, hugged a lady. That's it. Okay. Mary was walking slowly down the street of Glen Oak, and Mary thinks Mary's going to be late for church. Pronouns are fucking stupid! That won't be so bad, Mary stipulates. Stipulates.

Mary's feet clunk. This is part of her contract with herself on about getting to church. Yes. Mary's feet clunk like hammers from a volcano. You know, the volcanoes that shoot out hammers. Against the curvaceous gray sidewalk. And Mary wears some cute pants and a blouse

that is pink with casperatited white stars. It has sweeping sleeves and a cute torso that hugs Mary's bosom without looking slutty. I was interested until that point. I like that baby Mimi has a simile coin, and on one side it says volcano

and on the other side it says waterfall. Yeah, yeah. She works with two very different concepts. That's true. When we get to the waterfall volcano, is that going to really blow our minds? That happens later, right?

Oh shit, I'm sorry. No, probably not. The sun looks like a yellow candy pop as it dangles over the horizon, giving off pretty rays of yellow golden volcanic. And in the sun, all of Glen Oak looks so nice and pretty like the place where maybe the Brady Bunch would live and Mary is so happy. Where's the abortion coming? The writing is the abortion, sir. That then mary mary sees her friend jill jill is a

gangster girl because jill has tattoos and piercings and jill wears baggy jeans and jill says yeah see i'm a gangster girl all right you want to be in the crypts let me see the dolphin navel tattoo all Alright, yeah, it checks out. Bet you works at Hot Topic. And Jill's jeans are ripped in many places. And really ragged. And ugly like a... Can anyone guess? Can anyone guess?

Like a what? Like a what? No shit, you had a 50-50 shot. And ugly like a what? Like a what? No shit. You had a 50-50 shot. And ugly like a volcano. Oh hi, John. Merry conglomerated She formed a multinational franchise?

No wonder she's late for church. The enormous corporation is called Oh Hi Jill. Does she think the thesaurus just tells her what word to use next? She just puts a D on the end of anything that has. It seems like a verb.

Jill looks at Mary and tears are gushing like a bubbling VOLCANO from her eyes, like two strings of silly pony. Silly pony volcanoes. Do you think she has that problem where, like, you know, when you're counting money out loud or something and somebody starts saying random numbers so you mess up? Oh, there's a guy behind him screaming volcano throughout the whole thing. Yeah, she's got like a little brother who's working on a science project.

Volcano! Got the Discovery Channel on in the background. She has an autistic mother who's just trying to memorize the dictionary out loud. He's really stuck on the dictionary. Just goes to random pages.

Waterfall! Volcano! Unctuous. Waterfall! Volcano! Volcano! Volcano! I'm tired. Time to sleep. So, she's looking at Mary and tears are gushing like the volcano. Or like a Spock's ear. I think that's what they call it from now on. From her eyes, like

two strings of silly putty. Oh, ear. I think that's what they call it from now on. From where I was like, two strings of silly buddy. Oh, Mary, I'm so very remorseful. But why, Jen? You can tell me. I'm your friend. I made whoopee. Like they say in gangster rap.

That's what it's called when you have sex on the set of the Newlywed game. That's what it's called when you have sex on the set of the Newlywed game. That's what it's called down south. I thought that's what you made it like if you had sex with Marshmallow Fluff or just something. I do declare I made whoopee. Okay, so you made whoopee and then you got pregnant. That's okay. Oh, shit.

Shut down in the butt, Bob. I made whoopee. That would have been booty whoopee. I made whoopie. I made whoopie. That would have been booty whoopie. I made whoopie. And I got pregnant with Jill's boyfriend's baby. Holy shit! You got pregnant with a baby? Holy fuck!

Yeah, with somebody else who was also named Jill. You know Jill's boyfriend, my boyfriend. It wasn't on purpose, though. She just thought, oh, you're Jill's boyfriend? You must be my boyfriend. I don't know. I guess I'm gonna have the sex with you now. So anyways, they made the whoopee, and she got

the pregnant with Jill's boyfriend's baby. And it makes me so depressing now. You are a depressing fuck. You are not depressing. You are anything but depressing. I don't know. She could be a terrible fucker.

She might be crying throughout it or something. Mary transfixed Jill's jaundicedness. Wait, what? Yep. All the yellow in this other woman's skin was just really focused on Mary. Did she make her jaundiced? She staked her.

Right through the yellow. Oh no, Jill! You gotta keep that baby! Jill! You know how wrong it would be to kill the poor baby, Jill? Don't you realize such horribleness, Jill? She didn't say

that she was gonna... She wasn't saying anything about getting rid of the baby. realize such horribleness, John? God. Tell me about the babies, Jill. She wasn't saying anything about getting rid of the baby. She's just like, I'm remorseful. I'm sorry. I made whoopee, and now I'm depressed. Don't get rid of it. Whatever you do, don't go to the Planned Parenthood

down on 6th Street. Don't use this bus fare to do it. Okay. Let's see here. Blue orbs. Blue orbs, there we go. Blue orbs.

Blue orbs from a volcano. Blue orbs. That's blue orbs I want to do. Look ahead of the story. Oh, I'm sorry. Blue orbs locked upon deep black ones Look ahead of the story. Oh, I'm sorry. Blue orbs locked upon deep black ones like

midnight in a volcano. See? Sure. Entirely unrelated to the story. That's a description of Marvel Madness. So blue orbs, they locked upon the deep black ones like midnight in a volcano. Sure.

Okay, I know, Mary. I am sorry. I actually was thinking about it, and I know the Lord says to think it in the heart. It's as bad. How do you think in your heart anyways? I'm just... The Lord says it, don't question it. In a volcano, duh.

Oh, yeah. Thinking about it in the volcano heart is as bad as actually doing it. So I wasn't thinking about it anymore. Huh? Oh, I'm so happy. So Jill and Mary walked off down the street feeling they were cheerful. And Jill was loving her baby. That was it? The baby was

born right there during that discussion? Yeah. Yeah. She was with her boyfriend. She was loving Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. So Jill was loving... No, she was with her boyfriend. She was loving her baby. With her boyfriend's baby. Oh.

Yeah, she had no knowledge of the baby after... Whose baby is that? Jill was loving her baby and had six more babies. Three girls and three boys, and Jill walked with the Lord's blessing forever and ever. The end. I hope we all learned a little something. Yes. Unctuous volcanoes.

Never fuck your boyfriend's baby. Because... Well, not never. I'll tell you something. I'd walk with the Lord's blessing too if I had seven kids. Aether. Uh-oh. We've dealt with And seven kids. Aether.

Uh-oh. Yes. We've dealt with the kind of touching and true story from Seventh Heaven. Right. So that leads us into, you know, that one was about abortion. This one is about alcoholism. And so, therefore, it's about the television show The Simpsons. That makes perfect sense to me.

If you will read Homer's Ode for me, please. All right. I have an important message for you here. I think alcohol is bad. And I am sad when Homer drinks and people laugh as like it is funny to see Homer drink and cause an eternal black smear on Homer's soul he's fictional I mean that's the whole premise behind the Simpsons it might it he might be fictional but I tell you that he's somebody's like alt or alternate or whatever the fuck it's a cry for help the Simpsons have been a cry for help for 25 years.

People on... Will somebody get this cartoon character therapy? People on Tumblr have been reaching out with their multiple personality cartoon fic whatever people through The Simpsons to get help for their alcoholism. It all makes perfect sense. I don't know what the fuck I just said. Well, tell me more about this life lesson.

You're right. It sends a bad message to little kids, and God will frown upon those who ignore his message and drink the bad beer. The bad beer. The skunk beer. No PBR. He's so nice. The problem is that he's drinking shit.

Well, yeah. So, boys and girls, drink good beer. Don't drink duff. Homer Simpson one day drank so much beer, Homer had a vomit. Homer, what you doing in there? Taking a puke? Marge felt embarrassing and concluded, I am embarrassing of you, Homer. What a great Mar Mark voice that was.

That's it. That's perfect. Move your keister, meester. Homer started to feel sadness that Homer had embarrassed under the moon dangled over Springfield. He was embarrassed that he did this in front of the moon? I think Homer turned into a werewolf or something.

I think there was just a werewolf or something. I think there was just a very large ass at the window. Marge, I will no more drink beer. Homer averted, and Homer said Marge had hair pretty a waterfall. It's a waterfall story. Take that, volcano. Fuck you, volcano stories. I will drink no more forever.

So Homer went to Reverend Thompson. I wish not to drink beer because it is bad. It is bad. Reverend Thompson sentimentalized. These are amazing Simpsons voices. Reverend Thompson's face was yellow Like a white moon in the sky What? Her eyes were red

Almost violet So I'll quit Okay I don't know whose voice this is supposed to be There's no dialogue attribution here Plus God will like you better if you quit Oh that gave me joy But now it's over There's no dialogue attribution here. Plus, God will like you better if you quit. Oh, that gave me joy.

But now it's over. Bart came to Homer and warranted. Period. Served him a writ. I will not drink beer when I am a grown-up to dad. It's like that's what it would say on a bootleg one from Mexico or something. Bootleg t-shirt.

It's like the guy that made that knock-off Muppet Babies. Oh, God, yes. Oh, yeah, the tiny puppet. The puppet, yeah. Thanks, Bart. You're a good boy.

Bart reasoned to stay out of trouble, too, so next time Bart did a class report on the moon and Bart found claps from kids. He got the clap. I bet it was the twins. Those twins look like slugs. Oh, whores. Bart got a A.

Yeah, that's how he got the claps. And then I'm going to end a quote that never started. Yeah. Good. Lisa had pride bubbling like lava from a volcano. Oh, shit. Yeah, there you go. This is a combo volcano waterfall story.

This has something for everyone, really. Lisa hugs Homer. Alcohol is the drink of sinner's father, and you now walk in the path of the Lord. Best Lisa ever. Thank you, Lisa. Thank you, sir. Homer said...

That's how a sober Homer would sound. Probably. Homer said That's how a sober Homer would sound Probably Homer said with Homer's eyes bright with Homer's happiness and pride So Homer the cartoon character said with Homer the epic poet's eyes bright

which had Homer the cartoon character's happiness and pride Marge Thank you Do and pride. Marge, thank you. No, no, no. I'm so happy now. Do it with your Marge voice. No, Marge, thank you. Marge, thank you. Oh, I'm so happy now.

Perfect. You know, I guess I got to agree with all those people that say that The Simpsons have gotten worse in most more recent seasons. Yeah, it's really preachy now. Have you ever noticed that? Yeah, they've really gotten kind of preachy in their 86th season. Boots, I forget.

What's your favorite TV show? Is it Friends or Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I was about to say it was Dawson's Creek. Oh. I guess Friends really is my favorite. Okay, okay. When I really think about it. So would you read this Friends story? And again, you need to make sure to give me the synopsis of the story

so that we know exactly what we're getting into here. Oh, my shit. All right. Oh, God. All right, I'm going to hook them early. We'll stick with the story. All right, everybody sit around the camp Oh, God. You got to hook them early. We'll stick with the story. All right, everybody sit around the campfire, kids. You got to click that flashlight under your chin here.

The story has one follower. Good. I'm going to tell you a story. This story is called Rachel Finds Such a True Love. Woo! In my story... Did your mic cut out? No.

Jason killed him then. Okay. Rachel Finds Such a True Love. Yeah. Yeah? Rachel was trembling badly as Rachel cried and remembers the happenings of the early morning dawn when the moon still growled through the window. I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna get ya! I'm the moon! I'm a sliver tonight, but maybe soon I'll be a fool!

Sorry. Carry on. Ross had kissed Phoebe, and Joey was kissing Phoebe, so Phoebe got to choose in who Phoebe was in love. Damn! Whoa. That's how that That's English. She is a 90s woman. Yeah.

Rachel was crying so hard, because Rachel was loving with Ross and Joey was supposed to be loving with Rachel. Gunther came. Yes. He ain't the only one. This is some good smut. Oh, Gunther was the guy growling through the window.

She thought it was the moon. Yeah. So this is the... It was Gunther's ass. Yeah. The French... Or the Friends episode that happens on the set of a German orgy porno.

Well, Goethe's the coffee shop guy, but there's no reason to assume he wasn't in some sort of German porno. Oh, so this isn't like some kind of self-insert character or anything, right? No, she didn't come up with the character of Goethe. He was that blonde guy who was in love with Rachel, but he did come. with the character of Gunther. He was that blonde guy who was in love with Rachel. But he did come.

He came a lot, every episode. It's kind of his signature line. He'd just walk in, jizz his pants, and walk out. Looks like I came again. Oh, that Gunther. He's like the cousin Oliver of Friends. Sorry. Oh, Rachel, you look so sad.

Gunther echoes. Sad, sad, sad. Oh, I am so remorseful. Rachel undulated. What? Got a new word. Let me render assistance to you. Gunther gave Rachel a tissue.

Now, to be fair, that actually does sound pretty German. Pretty German way to put that. Rachel blowed Rachel's nose on the white tissue, and it looked gross because there was snot and wet stuff, and it was like a moon leaking water. I think I know what Discovery Special was on in the background for this. Not like a volcano leaking lava. No, not like a waterfall leaking

moon. Rain comes from the moon. Yeah. But Gunther loved Rachel, so Gunther did not hate Rachel for gross nose stout. Oh, Rachel, you are always so pretty,

Gunther proposed. I can't wait for the first German person to say, please don't do German accents anymore. I'm not assuming he's German. Your stereotypes are so terrible! No, it's not true. I am ugly. No, no

you're not! Then why did everyone not love me rather Phoebe? Because they cannot be crazy. No. Because they cannot be not crazy.

That's how English works. That's the writing that made France famous. Gunther was passionately humming. You gotta hum this. After he came? Yeah, after he came. It's after play. Come on, he's a romantic fellow.

He's a goer. You are 10x as prettier as Phoebe. And 10x smart and cooler. No one could love Phoebe more. I bet you couldn't hum thatx smart and cooler. No one could love Phoebe more. I bet you couldn't hum that in a German accent. No, I couldn't. Ooh, do it, do it, do it, dudes! That doesn't make any sense.

The white glove has been thrown down, motherfucker. He was passionately humming. Come on, man. This is the tender moment. I'm just gonna continue with the story. Fine. But they do. but they do but they do that was the opposite of humming i love you so badly rachel gunther got on gunther's knees and held out a box sorry i'm so bad at this see i i'm purchasing a ring so I can go proposing, but you never loved me.

So, is Gunther still German? He's Quebec Quamal. He's just raspy. Oh, but I did love you, Gunther! Rachel cried, so they marry. And Ross and Joey get jealous baby Mimi really gives the audience what they want

there's a marriage every time people learn a life lesson about like sex or something they do? and then volcanoes what did we learn out of this one? Don't have sex with volcanoes. And don't go chasing waterfalls, too. Well, just stick to the rivers.

Alright, alright. I'll go with that. If a friend of yours is about to be in a three-way and you get proposed to, they'll be jealous of you. Oh! Oh! Now it's all clear alright I want to give you a

story about the television show The Sopranos oh shit it's called Sin and Absolution this is going to be a hard boiled tale full of gore and violence a bit yeah it's going to be kind of an insightful

difficult look at morality in a modern age. It's a crossover between Seventh Heaven and The Sopranos. Tony Soprano, don't give up your babies and your tummies. You better be

putting a fucking ring on that. Alright. My story is Sin and Absolution. I'm Baby Mimi. The story synopsis is Tony Soprano comes to the Camdens. There are 29 reviews of my story.

For example, Lori Jupiter says, Oh Mimi, your story brought tears to my eyes like moon leaking water. There's more to that than this. I erupted like a volcano with hot lava when I read this. It is very describing-ful and very volcanic. Okay, so God Can Lead Us to Glory by Baby Mimi.

Please don't read this if you're really little because it has some scary stuff in it. It might scare little kids. I'm out. I have never been watching The Sopranos, but I know it's about gangsters. So I decided to write about a gangster who finds redemption from the Lord and his son, Jesus Christ,

because anyone can find the goodness deep in their souls, if only they look so very hard. Two stars, dollar bill. Deep in where souls? Deep in their souls. Tony Soprano wore a black tuxedo with a black tie and fluffy white frills and two pockets stuffed like Volcano with a gun and a wallet with Tony's driver's license. Tony drove all the way to Glenorac because Tony knew Tony had lost the Lord God's blessed wisdom. This is all in the opening credit sequence.

Tony woke up this morning. Got Tony Self a Tony gun. He's dressed like a literal soprano. Tony was an evil gangster who currently did walk down the street of Glenorac when Tony sees Reverend Camden in a big coat that's black and Tony ejaculates. A pretty common reaction.

Well, let's be fair. What does Tony ejaculate? I'll shoot that guy! Oh, okay. It's a really hot coat. Have you seen Reverend Camden? Oh, my God. That's the one. I'll shoot all over that guy.

Beautiful double stitching. It's just beautiful. Two die four. Okay, so I'll shoot this guy because Tony decides to rob someone. Oh. double stitching. Two die four. I'll shoot this guy because Tony decides to rob someone. Tony's about to shoot Reverend Camden when suddenly Annie did run out of the house screaming,

No, no, no, no, no, don't shoot my husband. Please? Please? Annie is crying like an erupting volcano. Of course she is. Annie is wearing jeans and a pink shirt with a collar and five buttons. Uh-oh. So that's useful to the narrative.

Well, normally when stuff gets described like that, it's going to get a little hot. I think it'll come back to save her, the fact that she has five buttons. Four buttons. Yeah. Three buttons. Tony Soprano is about to shoot Reverend Camden when Happy runs out of the house. Is that actually a Seventh Heaven character? I don't know.

Well, I guess. That's a character from Annie. Oh. Anyway, so Tony Soprano is about to shoot Reverend Camden when Happy runs out of the house, Oh. Anyway, so Tony Soprano's about to shoot Reverend Camden when Happy runs out of the house, barking many barks, the noise whizzing from Happy's mouth

like the fire from a deep dark... Water! Water! Shit! A moon! Unconscious! Oh, David. Undulating.

So Happy's the grandfather, I guess. Happy's tongue hung out of Happy's mouth. Happy looks cute. Oh. Tony exclaims,s oh that's a cute dog That's my Tony Soprano voice I'm the villain in a live action Disney movie I was distracted from robbery by a cute dog Nice pooch

Thanks Annie Expostulated. Sweet Minimus. What's his name? Happy. Yes, he's our dog. My wife's and mine. Cool. Cool.

All of a sudden Spock showed up. So is this like a four-way crossover now? You've got Amy and Star Trek in there too? And then they hug! Imagining how much heavy breathing James Gandolfini would have had before delivering the line cool. It's been like a minute

and a half of cool. Just a smoldering pathos. Tony Soprano then saw Matt and the black guy ride up in a car. Oh no! Remember the name of the black guy from 7th Heaven?

It's Matt and the black guy in the morning. Oh shit! Wow. Oh, shit. Wow. Every time the black guy speaks, we get canceled. Oh, no, it's a gangster who's going to shoot my parents.

Wait, Matt enunciates? So since he enunciated, let me. Oh, no, it's a gangster who's gonna shoot my parents. Mad enunciates. I had over-enunciated that time. And the black guy would jump out of the car as fast as an exploding

volcano because the black guy lives in the hood. Wait, wait, wait. I want to know why. Yeah, so the black guy lives in the hood. Wait, wait, wait. I want to know why. Yeah, so the black guy lives in the hood. So the black guy knows how to deal with tripping homies. Okay. These homies, they have inner ear problems. We're learning a great deal about baby Mimi right now.

Because I'm tripping homies. Oh, yeah. Sometimes he'll leave like a toy car at the top of the stairs. Damn, homie almost tripped over that toy car. Homie, you should tie your shoelaces. In fairness, when you go to worse neighborhoods, there's usually more shit on the sidewalk.

So there's more stuff to trip over. That's true. Okay. Where the fuck was I? Matt looked really cute. Everybody was on acid. All the homies were on acid. Right.

So Matt looked really cute because Matt's wearing jeans and a shirt, and so does the black guy. Is that all it takes to look cute? I need to try wearing jeans and a shirt. If your name is Matt, yeah, that's pretty much it. I have been overdressing for all these years. Fuck's sake. Is your name is Matt, yeah, that's pretty much it. I have been overdressing for all these years. Fuck's sake. Is your name Matt?

Then came Mary and Lucy, and Tony juxtaposes. Wow, what pretty girls. Thanks, says the narrator. So is Mary or Lucy the narrator? She just projected Tony Soprano's compliment onto herself. Oh, this is what it's like for people to tell me I'm pretty. She just projected Tony Soprano's compliment onto herself. Who do you think is pretty? Oh, this is what it's like for people to tell me I'm pretty. What do you think he was juxtaposing?

Well, what pretty girl's against? I don't know. Maybe he was editing the magazine Juxtapose. Oh, okay. So Tony decides to have dinner with the family. Sure. Because there's a dog. So anyway, because Tony would think it is bad to shoot a man who is a priest with pretty daughters and a really cute dog who likes black people.

This is good to know. The dog likes black people? I train all of my dogs to only like white people. Flirt a lot about boots, too. Sorry. It's not a racist thing. It's just there's no black people up in Canada. That's all.

He hasn't had a chance to train. Yeah. Tony sees Ruthie and yelps, Oh, she's such a dear! Yes, Ruthie is really cool, says no one in particular. Yes. I think Ruthie said that, actually. Ruthie is really cool, says no one in particular. I think Ruthie said that, actually. Ruthie's full of...

So, Tony Soprano found the true faith and announces the sin of carnal epitites, and Tony moves in with the Camdens, and Tony becomes friends with the black guy, too. The end! Yay! But nobody got married. Oh, shit. it's assumed.

It's kind of implied pretty heavily that Tony's going to marry the doll. Marry to the black guy. I thought Tony was going to marry the black guy. I guess baby Mimi wouldn't approve of that for a couple of reasons. This Soprano story also ends with it just cutting to black, I guess. For 35 seconds, yeah. The Sopranos did rather abruptly, so, I guess. For 35 seconds, yeah. The Sopranos did rather abruptly, so, you know.

Just cutting straight to black, yeah, like, for no reason. Just cutting straight. Alright. It's fun. I got nothing to say. Just read a story to me, please. It's fun. Tell us a story. Okay.

It's Baby Mimi and I wrote a story. Ronnie decided to love Guess Who It Is. Oh, is it it? Well, okay. Let me set the stage for you guys. Ronnie decided to love Guess Who. It is. Why would Ronnie have done that?

I don't know. It's a pretty good board game, man. It's a secret. I want to tell you if you wouldn't read it. Oh. Oh. That's probably how it works, yeah. Ronnie decides to love Guess Who It Is.

Ock, I did not like Boston Public, but then I think of Seven of Nine came on. At least that's what someone said, and Ronnie looked so much like Seven of Nine, so I watch for Ronnie. Yep. So it's fan fiction written by a person with no familiarity of the thing

that they're supposed to be a fan of. I don't watch the show, but, like, yeah. So basically what it is is it's un-fan fiction. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I think she means like somebody guest starred on it and she likes that person, so now she has to write fan fiction

for the thing they guest starred on that she doesn't follow. No, she's just expanding her repertoire to increase her audience. Oh, okay. Well, look, Boston Public wouldn't have any volcanoes if not for this, so let's be happy about it. Ronnie is walking into Winslow High because Ronnie is so happy

because Ronnie is in love. Oh, shit. Good. I'm in love. I'm in love with Danny. Ronnie says it once, and suddenly Ronnie realized Ronnie has Scott Goober behind back. You love Danny Hanson. Scott Goober behind back. You love Danny Hanson.

Scott Goober's screaming. You mean Goober from the Andy Griffith show? Yeah, sure. I'm gonna tell him. No, don't tell him these. It would make me embarrassing. I'll get a guess she's in love with Danny. That's my guess.

I'm gonna guess she's in love with Danny That's my guess Let's see if this holds out Yeah, okay But Ronnie did not realize that Harry hid around the corner And now After the gorgeous blonde walked past As enthroned Harry walks out and tears

Are dripping down Harry's face Like the overflowing lava of a big volcano. Yay! Oh, big volcano, okay. Really, it could have been a waterfall, but that's fine. That would be inappropriate. I guess it would have just been too obvious. If it happened like a waterfall, she would have written waterfall.

It happened like a volcano. This is a volcano story. She's been consistent. Volcanoes are sad. Waterfalls are pretty. Oh! Shit, I didn't even realize She goes to emotional states.

Sad and pretty. Volcano and waterfall. Now I want to see the complexity of the diagram that Ace Hero has in front of him on his desk. It's something I've made with shit and MS paint, so it's mostly shit. If you've got

one more year of college and you need to get your English requirement in, I'll let you take this class. Very high level. Anyway. Oh, I'm sad. Harry amended. Harry fell in love with Ronnie. Ronnie is way, way gorgoser than Lauren or Marilyn.

Ronnie is so pretty. Ronnie... Just... I'm not going to say what he said. Wow! Why is Ronnie so pretty? And Ronnie has blue eyes. Oh. Ronnie likes to wear jeans that are tight on Ronnie's long and cute legs,

and Ronnie wears shirts that show off Ronnie's belly. Ronnie does a lot of sit-ups every hour, so Ronnie's belly looks so pretty, and that's why Harry is cried. I would too. So Harry says, I'll leave and quit. I will move to the USSR. Oh no, Harry! Because of the sit-ups?

Oh no, Harry, don't move to the USSR! Marilyn trunciated? Truncicated, sorry. Truncicated. Marilyn is crying. Please, I don't want you to leave. It hurts my heart to see Ronnie and knowing she loved Danny. Harry

tumultuates. Shit! Colon. Period. Period. So tell Ronnie how you feel and maybe she will love you instead. Is Boston public a period piece set in the late 80s? Yeah, set in the Cold War.

Yeah. Oh no, you get out of my way, whispered Danny. Who? Okay. Oh wait, no, I'm sorry, I missed a line here. And Harry feels such joyousness as Harry runned down the hall to find Ronnie. Harry and Danny bump into themselves! For expression marks.

For the future. Whoa! Hey Danny, I just bumped into myself. What about you? Yeah, I did that too. Amazing. They both ran to find Ronnie to tell Ronnie they loved Ronnie. You know what this sounds like?

This sounds like my Trang Tai win. Oh, no, you get out of my way, whispered Danny. No, you get out of my way, tittered Harry. I'm sorry. No, you get out of my way, tit harry i'm sorry no you get out of my way tittered harry oh harry's a scam and then and then harry and danny look over and scream out their sadness when they see ronnie talking to a man who looks like commander chakotay on star trek who was talking to ronnie oh no the man is tall with black hair and a drawing on his head.

That's pretty hot. You gotta admit. The man is wearing... Wait, wait, wait. Is it Charlie Manson? Finally out on parole. It's a drawing of a little X that's all crooked. I think it's a picture of a volcano.

The man is Warring a leather jacket A black one and blue jeans The man is Indian So the man chants Indian songs And smokes a pipe with smoke like a volcano Oh yeah that's what Indians do That's pretty sad

And in parenthesis Open parenthesis I should say He he he I love Chakotay and Seven Together in romance, and since Seven is played by the same woman who's playing Ronnie, another open parentheses, I think. I know they look so much alike. I think they could be twins, so I decided to do this.

But don't worry, I won't get Ronnie with Chakotay, because Ronnie is not Seven, and Seven is Chakotay's soulmate, and Ronnie is Harry and Danny's, close parentheses. But you should know, we're still in the first parenthesis. Yeah, we're still in the first parenthesis. Two stories later, that parenthesis finally closes. We're actually going to be trapped in this

parenthetical statement for the rest of our lives. No! Thanks, baby Mimi. I think that's kind of funny because Seven and Ronnie are one person. So Danny and Harry are going to fight Chakotay, but then Chakotay left. Oh, Ronnie, I love you. I love you

so badly. Invading Harry and Danny after Danny and Harry said it. Ronnie cries because Ronnie said, Oh, how sad. Now I am going to have to choose. So Ronnie chooses Harry. The end.

The suspense! I was in total suspense for that one quotation mark. I was pulling for Danny! Fuck you, Ronnie! Oh, you're on Team Danny, huh? I was on Team Danny. I'm on Team Chaka-Takale

or whatever his name was. I'm on Team Volcanootoccoli or whatever his name was I'm on team Volcano oh you're mainstream oh you're so brave can we get to the Joe vs. the Volcano fiction oh my god and the volcano erupted

like some kind of waterfall it's just volcano 500 times, isn't it? The word volcano. It's the lyrics of Born to Love Volcanoes. Exclamation point. I don't like Tom Hanks. He is not pretty, and he did not look good in a suit. And so instead of him, I'm going to put in Chad Michael Murray.

Tom Hanks married the volcano, and they had a waterfall baby. Oh, no, you can't abort the waterfall, because that is against God's way. Okay, I won't abort the waterfall. All right, I think we got time for one more quick one. Boots, this is a Hercules story. Yeah. Do-do-do, do-do-do-do-do-do. Oh, I'm sorry. We're talking like Sorbo Hercules story. Yeah. We're talking like

Serbo Hercules, right? Portulence. A story I write. As he declared, so he made it so. Portulence. Xena walks down the street and thought of Xena's boyfriend

Ted wait you mean Ted Raimi yeah Ted Raimi Adam is Ted a character in Zena well Ted Raimi was in Zena so yeah

I'm gonna say no I haven't watched Zena but I'm going to say no. I haven't watched Xena, but I'm pretty sure Ted never faced off with Xena. Ted is the director himself. Yeah, was he part of Roger's gang? I really don't think Xena and Ted Raimi would make a great couple either, though. I don't know. I'd watch it. Oh, though. I don't know. I'd watch it. Oh, God.

Here's my best Xena voice. I love Ted. Perfect. I can hear the boy princess. All of Baby Mimi's female characters are Southern males. Lucy Lawless's Australian accent really comes through.

Xena ruminated. Xena would think that Ted was coming back, but sometimes Ted took a long time to come back. See, lots of people think Xena's a lesbian, but Xena is in love with men like Hercules. She's not a lesbian. So I write Ted here. That would be ungodly. Or wait,

she is in love with men just like Hercules is. Xena saw the sunlight like the moon in splendor over the beautiful blue depths of the skyline. If only there was some heavenly body I could appropriately associate the sunlight with.

There's no waterfall in the sky, so fuck. Oh, I wish Gabriel was here so I could tell Gabriel I'm in love with Ted. Xena reminisce. Yeah, I'm sure Gabriel really misses being told about how awesome your boyfriend is.

Oh, but I'm here, Gabrielle Weedled. But I'm here. Oh, but I'm here. That's Gabriel. I'm here. Gabrielle walked behind Xena one hour, and Xena did not know. Oh, no. Oh, you surprised me.

Sorry, I was a little snagglepuss there. Exit! Stick right! Xena's laugh came from Xena's mouth, and Xena was happy. Xena said, guess from Xena's mouth and Xena was happy Xena said guess what, Gabriel I got married to a man named Ted you didn't give Gabriel a chance to guess Ted's cute

and Ted has brown hair and blue eyes and Ted wears jeans and a blue shirt I think baby Mimi's a little bit airy oh, I am so happy Gabriel told Gabriel is not a lesbian either blue shirt. I think baby Mimi is a little bit Aryan. Oh, I am so happy! Gabrielle told. Gabrielle is not a lesbian either.

Gabrielle loved men. This is not an aside. This is part of the story. This is the narrative. Gabrielle is not a lesbian either. Gabrielle loved men, and so Gabrielle wanted to marry a man as cute as Ted. Oh. Then Ares appeared like a moonlight beneath the sky.

Oh. Oh, you're getting married? My sadness is so great. Ares was crying so hard, and Gabriel said, Oh, I am so sorry you are saddened. The god of war

is a pussy. I have been defeated by Ted! He's the god of war, not the god of emotional satisfaction. Curse you, Ted! That was just an open wound. What would I do without you?

Wait, who's that? Is that Ares? Yeah, that's mine. It's mine regardless. It's cool. What will I do without you, Xena? Oh, don't worry. Yeah, don't.

You will be so happiness. Okay. But then Gabriel is suddenly loving Ares. Ares, I love you. Who? Who is this now? I don't know. I think that's Ares. Why are you really trying?

Gabriel, my pretty girl, like a moon in a non-moon sky. When the moon's in the sky like a non-moon sky, that's the morning. In the sky, that's the morning. So Gabriel and Ares kiss. Xena is happy and Xena kisses

Xena's husband. Well, they got married like off stage. Yeah, while the other guy was crying. They got blown away by this raciness. I mean, they're kissing. They just went down to the courthouse real quick. No, this is a different Ted.

Xena's happy, and Xena kisses Xena's husband, Ted. And Xena and Gabrielle and Ares and Ted all walk off in happiness. In different directions. Happiness. In different directions. Yay! And there we go! Around about an hour of, I guess let's charitably call that writing. Boots, what'd you learn this week?

Let's charitably call that writing. Boots, what did you learn this week? I guess I learned that the moon is a flowing waterfall of volcanoes. Yeah, sure. But also that ESL is a wonderful gift to us. Or a good excuse, sure. Or a good excuse, yeah. I don't care if this is fake fake We've read a bunch of fiction before

That people have pointed out It's probably fake Somebody put something through Babblefish And thought it was really funny And I honestly don't care This is fun Yeah, I'm with you I feel like it needs to smell real.

Like, it needs to smell right. Because I think, you know, another one of the things about, like, you know, like, oh, that's a troll. Is that, like, well, if it's a troll, it's a troll created by a diseased brain. And that's still interesting. Right. brain and that's still interesting right like a lot of effort has gone into this thing whether or not it's genuinely somebody with a poor grasp on English or somebody

with a very strange hobby it's still a lot of fun on our end because I can't do that like you know like when you try to like let's say you're trying to like write a post on say ball pit right and you know to make the point you're trying to, like, write a post on, say, Ball Pit, right? And, you know, to make the point you're trying

to misspell things, it's hard. It's hard because you have to adapt this kind of persona, and you're like, you know, which word do I misspell? Do I misspell? You know, I can't misspell three words in a row because now that just sort of looks hacky and obvious. Like, I think that there's something...

I think it's very difficult to craft, like, correctly craft bad fiction if that's what you're going for. Absolutely. And if you want to make your two favorite Star Trek characters get married in poor English, come to the

Ball Pit. B-A-L-L dot P... Oh, God. Nope. Try again. One more time. P-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Yeah, try again. One more time. P-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Yeah, that's right. Ball pit, it's where hard-ons collide. There's a lot of great threads going on, and you can be part of it for the low, low one-time cost of $10. Yeah.

And also there's the website, T-H-E-F-P-L dot U-S. You can leave your comments. You can see whatever it is that For the Love of drew for this episode. I can't even imagine what it will be. But I'm excited to see it. It'll be great. All right. Good night.

Good night. Good night. Once upon a time, there was a fan fiction author named Baby Mimi. Oh, that's... Why don't I scroll down? That's not the... Starting off with the fiction part of it really strong. Dude, that's the minute content in the M+, like an idiot. We should just totally read the doc, like, write-up ones.

Anyway. Skip all the actual... Yeah, skip the content. Just read the write-up. This one is just footnotes all over you. Then when you submit content, it's like a minefield. You don't know if your stuff's going to get read or if it's going to get... I'm scared to type this now, but...

Welcome to the F+, terrible documents read with enthusiasm. This whole podcast is just a honeypot trip anyway welcome to the F plus I don't know who we're mad at