The F Plus - live3a: F Plus Live 3 | Weird Romance | Part 1

Episode Date: October 24, 2014

From the raucous Grumpy's Bar in Downtown Minneapolis, The F Plus Live is back! This time with an overarching concept of Weird Romance, you'll be hearing pieces many different books, all written by authors with different mental problems. John Toast: Sass Girls X by Imari Imarea Isfahan: Your Alpha My Mate by WolfWriter Boots Raingear, Kumquatxop & Lemon: Law & Order Fanfic by Where Did Angels Go? Bunnybread: Trolling For Pussy by Brenda Stokes Lee Frank West: Do Unto Others by Nick Stark Portaxx: Twisted! by Miranda Leek Victor Laszlo & STOG: Dark Knight Reboot (pt 1)

They see me rollin', they hatin', patrollin' and tryna kiss me right in the head Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to F Plus Live 3! Fucking, fucking, fucking, yeah! Three years, three years have gone by since the last F Plus Live If my math's right, and it usually isn't. But we're doing it again. I feel like everyone in the room probably knows what you're getting into, but here's what's going to happen. We have a lot of people. We have a lot of disgusting books.

Really, really, really disgusting books. And we're going to be reading parts of them because some are very, very long. And we're going to be reading these books to you. If you vomit, please do it outside. I want to go through a couple of simple, simple ground rules. First of all, first of all, it is 2014. You have a cell phone.

I have a cell phone. Everyone has a fucking cell phone. You want to snap pictures of this shit? Snap your fucking fingers off. That's great. If you're the asshole that stands with a cell phone like this because you think that this is how you enjoy a show, then find a friend and ask him to slap you think that this is how you enjoy a show? Then find a friend and ask him to slap you.

That shit is unacceptable. That is the worst goddamn thing. You, as a human being, are failing to appreciate the thing that you're experiencing because you're taking a video that nobody wants to

fucking watch. Oh, hey, you like Paul F. Tompkins? Do you also like Paul F. Tompkins if he's blurry and, like, you can't hear him at all? No, I don't. Fuck you. Don't put that on YouTube. That's number one. The other one is the F-plus is good at some things.

The F-plus is bad at some other things. Calling a cab, something we're very bad at. Another thing we sometimes aren't very good at is planning. Because the previous F plus live, we had a drunken hootenanny, which was the F Plus Live, then we had another drunken hootenanny afterwards where everyone just expelled what remaining energy they had screaming and ruining their voice. This time we said, hey, wouldn't it be great if before the recorded show,

everyone just went into a locked room and screamed for three hours? We did that thing so these voices that you're hearing carry the effect of that. But I'm not up here to take all the time, just most of it. And so we need to bring up the first reader. The first reader is Mr. John Toast. John Toast, come on up on stage here, please.

The first reader is Mr. John Toast. John Toast, come on up on stage here, please. John Toast is reading a book by a quasi-internet celebrity named Amari. His book, Sass Girls X. Mr. John Toast! How's everybody doing tonight? As Lemon just said, I am reading a book by Imari 16-Bit Imarea, a.k.a. Imari Johan Stevenson, a.k.a. Imari Stevenson,

because Johan is probably just an affectation. So a quick little bit of context about our Mr. Imari. He created a site-slash-game-development company called Vion Prism, where he wrote up cartoonishly overambitious game ideas, insulted anyone who made fun of him, his most famous insult being loser.com, and didn't actually produce anything for years, years and years, until out of nowhere in like 2006, this book came out. And so let me read you the back cover, just to give you a taste of this. This is Sass Girl's ex. And the back cover says Dumb dudes and alien babes Steve Bogard and

Shoyo Hance are two screwed up dudes They can't get anything right Even their families don't want them and they can't get women Even if their lives depended on it They finally land lame jobs as detectives For the LAPD whose reputation is so Tarnished that it has to accept anyone who can At least yell freeze

Things heat up in this insane action-filled sci-fi comedy when they hit it off with hot, sexy babes with knockers that defy the law of gravity. The problem is that these gorgeous chicks are aliens from outer space, and they morph into beasts when they're in rage. But Dagman, it gets worse. David Alan Greer? Get this. Dagman, it gets worse. David Alan Greer?

Get this. Dagman, thank you. The babe's father, an old school villain, wants to take over the world like all lousy villains. Steve and Sho are caught in the middle. Save the world, but keep the hotties. And this is rated I for insanity, all ages allowed. That's a big misnomer. And this says, warning, read this sucker.

This book may contain bathroom humor, eye-popping breasts, karate beach bums. Oh, my God! This may also contain a smack-talking car, foul-talking people, and finally, a fat, beautiful hippie. a fat, beautiful hippie. So, let's start in and meet one of the stars of the show, Show Your Hands. Show Your Hands?

Show Your Hands. Minneapolis, Show Your Hands! I saw this is Show Your Hands bicycling around the city and he gives his opinion on women. And he says, the cuter they are, the meaner they are inside, I said to myself. Girls are so fickle. Sometimes they can be nice. Then again, they can be cranky.

Tall, cute, and big-breasted girls are all hot and attractive, but oh, so snobbish and cruel. Then you've got your cute, thick, and snuggling ones, but they are so defensive and distrustful. Oh, well, I muttered. So that's his opinion on women. So, as it was said before, he's working as an LAPD police detective, so obviously he's guarding a museum at night. And he finds an egg-shaped pod.

Let's see. Yes. Inside the egg-shaped capsule was a slime-covered mummy-like creature. The figure was obviously that of a woman, a curvaceous woman. Seriously, this mummy chick had a fine body. Seriously. I could see the outline of her curves despite the bandages.

So this alien mummy girl starts flying around, chasing him around, seems to want to eat him. He escapes her. She follows him. She tricks him into letting her into his apartment. And then, it's hot. Let me take this cloak off, Passion muttered. She stood up and took off her cloak, revealing her full body. She wore an outfit unlike anything on Earth.

It looked like an exotic two-piece bikini made out of some kind of metal, making it look more like body armor. Unlike anything on Earth. Her body was like that of a gorgeous supermodel. This caused me to have a nosebleed. Oh my God! There's a lot of pain in this book. It's too real. It's too real.

I gasped like a man sucking up his last breath. Hot. It's like a nosebleed his last breath. Hot. Seriously, man, this woman was fine. Seeing the eye-bulging, wild look on my face, passion struck a sexy pose and grinned. Gaze on, baby, everything's real. My tails, my hair wings, my sharp teeth, my red eyes. Hair wings? Everything, even my big, squishy, bouncing breasts.

Big, bouncing breasts. This was too much. I ran past her and dived on the couch. I grabbed a blanket and chucked it on her, since it was too much for me to handle. Plus, I didn't want her to see me getting too, you know, tossing the blanket. You're so coy. Tossing the blanket aside, she floated to the couch and looked down at me. Actually, she was looking more at my, you know.

I don't think so. I'll have to get back to you. I'll have to. Supplemental. Let's see. What a perverted woman, but that's the way I like him. She smiled mischievously and licked her lips as she gazed down at my manhood. Her large chest came face to face with my lucky face.

Being a true male, I gazed at the big pair of melons staring me in the face. I gazed back at her cute young face, back to her breasts, and then back at her face. Then I shook my head and went, Nice set of knockers you have there. I said, in a perverted tone, said in a perverted tone.

Passion grinned momentarily and then grabbed the back of my head, pressing it into her big breast. Hallelujah. Amen. Thanks. Haha. You're nice. Despite the fact I think you tried to kill me earlier.

I think. Oh, well, by the way, got anything to drink here? I'm thirsty, she said happily. When she noticed my head was stuck between her breasts, she pulled me out. Wait, she put them in there. So after that, Passion says, I own you, and shows like no, and then they fight for a little while.

And then, silly, silly boy, did you think you could ditch me, the great and almighty Passion, the best man-hunter in the galaxy, she announced. I hollered like a wild man and ran for it. After making another shriek, she leaped on top of me at bone-chilling speed, when she had me pinned face down. Passion's body, more specifically her butt, swelled up, making her ass bigger and heavier. That thing was enormous. I gritted my teeth at the sudden massive weight on my body.

I felt like my body now had two fat cows on it. Damn, woman, what you do now? Gain 600 pounds? Passion snickered and leaped, big ass first, on my head, stunning me. Okay, let me tell you this. Getting your head crushed underneath someone's big ass ain't pleasant. Yep. No, that

was not an aside. That's how it's written. Give it up. You'll never win, Passion said coyly. No way, you damn psycho with an oversized ass. No one owes me. No one owes me. No one controls me. No one, I said. Passion out of the blue, swung her ass around and smacked me with her butt cheeks. I went out like a light. She then let Lucille fart in my face to add insult to injury. Gotcha, loser, she said contentedly. So after she captures them, she makes basically

like a hot boiling bath. It's like a cartoon stew. She's even like chopping carrots into it. I like that Looney Tunes cartoon. She strips them down, puts them in it, and this gives him a moment to reflect on all that's happened to him so far. So in the stew bath here, he says, For a while, all things were quiet. Passion bathed me, and I kept my mouth shut. Okay, let's put this together. First, I go downstairs in the museum to discover this woman who chases me around

the museum trying to eat my ass. She tricks me into bringing her into my apartment and then claims she owns me. I resist, she knocks my ass out, and now here I am in boiling hot water being bathed by her with toilet brushes. I don't know, man, this is screwed up, but hell, those are some big breasts,

and she said she could make them bigger, so it's good, I thought. Hey, Joseph, I'm noticing a theme. A little bit. Now, I looked at her for a minute. She looked at me, then grinned sinisterly and raised her eyebrow. All right, so I know I'm being mistreated, but maybe that's what they mean by tough love. Yeah, that's it.

I gotta ask her. Mustering up some courage to speak, I asked, Hey, Passion, do you care for me or not? She rubbed her cheek against my face and nuzzled me. Of course I do. As property, that's it. I gotta ask her. Mustering up some courage to speak, I asked, Hey, Passion, do you care for me or not? She rubbed her cheek against my face and nuzzled me. Of course I do. As property, I love you. But as an individual, tsk, give me a break. You're nothing. You're a big, dumb male compared to me. The only thing I like about you is that you have

a big, well, you know. She replied in a casual voice. Damn, woman, you're evil, I said angrily. So he's getting his PJs. They're getting ready for bed. Soon I was in my room, buttoning up my PJ shirt. Oh, woman, you're evil, I said angrily. So he's getting his PJs, they're getting ready for bed. Soon I was in my room, buttoning up my PJ shirt. Oh, man, what a night. I smell like a salad bar.

Geez, I gotta sleep, I muttered. I took a peek outside my bedroom, thinking she might be lurking on the couch waiting. Instead, I saw her in the laundry room, folding laundry and picking up the right clothes. Don't know, man, this babe is crazier than Miss Cleo, but there's someone about her I like. Oh, well, time to hit the sack. Maybe she does like me, I thought. Tired but pleasantly happy, I got in bed, rubbed my aching nose, and turned

off the light. Huh? What the? Something was poking me in the back. Kind of squishy. Two-month-old melons? Nah, why would I? No, wait. Warm water balloons? No, it feels like kind of a pair of... I turned on the lamp, then slowly turned around to see Passion, who had somehow climbed to the bed and was behind me, arms wrapped around my waist.

Her hair was down and was smiling at me warmly, but with that deranged grin. I opened my mouth, but was too tired to say anything. Great, she beats me, boils me in a tub, and now she is probably going to steal my virginity. Good night, sweetie. Good night, sweetie. Pleasant dreams, Passion purred

someone mockingly. I shook my head and turned off the light. Yeah, sure, whatever. Pleasant dreams, Passion purred someone mockingly. I shook my head and turned off the light. Yeah, sure, whatever. I hope tomorrow is going to be a better day. Oh, it will. Trust me. It will. Now call me master, damn it.

Passion muttered behind me. Suddenly, she kicked me out of bed. Her red eyes shimmered and a faint grin could be seen. My life sucks. If he had said penis at all, it would have had to been rated Insanity 13. Put it in my... You know. John Cho, ladies and gentlemen, one more time.

We're going to keep going. We're going to keep going. We're going to keep going. We've got Isfahan coming up to the stage. He's got two subjects. And I don't know if there's MRA activity involved, but I do know that this book is called My Alpha,

My Mate. Isfahan! Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I go by Isfahan on the internet, and this story is, you know, it's not quite as wild and crazy as Toe's story. It's just a gay werewolf story.

So, your alpha, my mate, this person just goes by Wolfwriter. i don't know why they go with that name but let's uh um this is uh you know there's there's a love there's a sex but there's also romance and this is really about the romance aspect you know so we just got to charge through this and get back to the funny stuff in a second um so that uh the synopsis of the story is there's this whiny teenage werewolf kid named Jamie. He's ostracized from his family and his pack for like sass mouth or something. I kind of skim that part. He runs away to join a different pack. And just to get a feel for the quality of the writing,

chapter three was spent describing a single school day. I skipped that. This is chapter four. Just a little bit into it, our hero has arrived at his new pack's house, and he's about to meet his love interest. So for those of you in the audience who are not werewolves,

this is what it's like for werewolves when they can't pick up social cues. Even stupidly specific werewolf-centric social cues. So, here we go. Just then, T-H-A-N. This...

Just then! Just then! Just then Just then This incredibly hot guy came walking up He was about 6'4 Weighing about 230 pounds With black hair And he appeared to be sniffing the air Always the hottest

Officer I saw everything he was 6'4 230 pounds black hair I've never been so attracted to anyone before. And now all of a sudden, tense shift, there was this feeling of butterflies in my stomach. He turned so that he was completely facing us. And I was lost in his chocolate brown eyes that lit up. I don't think there's ever been a description of brown eyes in a romance story that hasn't been accompanied by the word chocolate. You haven't read the proof yet. Hey, Connor and Lisa, this must be Jamie, the guy whose name I didn't know turned towards me.

Glad you made it here safely. My name's, plural, Jackson, and I'm glad to finally meet you. He paused for a second, smelling the air and getting a confused look on his face. Lisa, did you change your body wash to a vanilla one? Which is totally something I'm asking in the middle of introductions. Hey, Jackson, no, I didn't. Why do you ask? It's just that there is a smell of vanilla, and I thought it might have been you, he said with a shrug. Why don't we all just

go inside so that we can get Jamie settled in? With that, we all turned and went inside the packhouse. Jackson commented, it can't be a house, it has to be a packhouse. Jackson commented, if you're hungry, Jamie, we can have a light lunch and then you can get settled in your room before dinner. Alpha Michael, first name Alpha, last name Michael, should be home tomorrow night so that you can be officially welcomed into the pack. Sounds like a plan to me, Jackson. I could do with something to eat and a nap before dinner because I'm exhausted. This story is so hot.

This dialogue is awesome. I said with a stifled yawn, I just want to thank you and your family for taking me into your pack like this. This dialogue is awesome. I said with a stifled yawn, I just want to thank you and your family for taking me into your pack like this. I know that you didn't have to do this for me. No problem, man. I'm just glad that we could help you out. From what Connor has told us,

your life the last couple of years has been a living hell, unlike any other teenager ever. I can't believe that any pack would do that to another pack member. Again, from what I could tell from my skimming, the that was disciplining him over sass mouth. PACs are supposed to be a united family. I'm just glad that we could be here to help you out. If that sounds familiar, he said it like two sentences ago. Connor is part of my family, so that makes you family too. Now let's go eat. I don't know about you guys, but I'm hungry. Lead on, oh fearless leader, laughed Connor as Jackson led us

as in the medal, into the dining room. Oh, what fun werewolves we are. As we were walking into the dining room, I could not stop looking at Jackson's butt. I don't know. Oh my god. Walking into the dining room, I could not stop looking at Jackson's butt. I don't know what is... I don't know what is, another tense shift, going on with me,

but every time he speaks, I feel shivers down my spine, and when I look at his eyes when he laughs, he hasn't yet laughed in his presence, but that's cool. I see beautiful sparkles in them. It was taking everything in me not to openly... Sure, yeah, that sounds good. To not openly stare at him

because I don't want him to think that I am some kind of freak. I mean, it's cool that we're all werewolves, but I wouldn't want him to think I was gay or something. Certainly not. He's were-gay, so he's straight, but then the full moon makes him gay. Oh, no, it's happening.

Hello? All through lunch, it seemed that Jackson kept looking at me. Every time I looked up from my plate and looked in his direction, he would quickly look in a different direction. Maybe if I knew what he was thinking when he looks at me. Every time I looked up from my plate and looked in his direction, he would quickly look in a different direction. Maybe if I knew what he was thinking when he looks at me, tense shift, it would probably ease my mind. I am just really tired and thinking too much into this right now, right now in this past tense story. Well, I am going to go unpack and take a nap. I will see everyone at dinner. Thanks for lunch, Jackson. You are very welcome, Jamie. This guy refuses to use addressing commas.

I looked over at Connor and asked, Can you show me which room is mine? Sure thing, Jamie, Connor said as he turned his head towards Jackson. Hey, Jackson, did you put him in the room down the hall from you? I think that's the only empty one left. Yay, Connor, that's Y-E-A. He's voting yes on a bill. He replied, He's down inE-A. He's voting yes on a bill.

He replied, he's down in the empty room right by mine. Jackson looked over at me and my heart skipped a beat as I looked straight into those brown eyes. Just take your time and rest up. Let me know if you need anything. Yeah, Connor led me upstairs and showed me to my room. I got my few things unpacked that someone was nice enough to bring up to my room while we were eating lunch. I decided a hot shower would feel pretty good before even thinking about taking a nap. I mean, once I started taking the nap, a shower would become difficult.

This is so sexy! Yeah. Scheduling fetch! Please, do not be obvious! You're stopping Bozarth and paying your motor! No! While... Please, do not be obvious! While taking... You're stopping, Bozar! Yeah. Take your motor!

No! While taking my shower, and then as I was laying down, I could just not get those looks that Jackson kept giving me or that wonderful pine and chocolate smell out of my head. Chocolate sparkles! I was wondering what this could all mean. Yeah. This chocolate air freshener always turns all mean. Yeah. This chocolate air freshener always turns me on.

Yes. It seemed like I had just laid down when there was a knock at my door. I got up and I opened the door to find Connor was standing there. Did you enjoy your nap and did you get all settled in? Yes, to both questions, but first can I ask you something?

Sure, Jamie, you can ask me anything. If I don't know the answer, I will find it for you and let you get all settled in? Yes, to both questions, but first can I ask you something? Sure, Jamie, you can ask me anything. If I don't know the answer, I will find it for you and let you know. Connor responded as though he was in a job interview. Okay, how can you tell if you have met your mate? What was it like for you and Lisa? Well, I can only tell you what I experienced because I can't speak for Lisa. When I met her, there was this incredible smell of vanilla and strawberries. I could not figure out where it was coming from. And no one else smelled the same scent I smelled. Then when she and I were finally face to face and

I shook her hand and I felt these little shocks. I got these feelings that I never wanted to be away from her and all I wanted to do was to protect her. Why do you want to know? Well, no one has ever taken the time to explain it to me and I think it is important for me to know so that I will know what to look for when I finally meet my mate. It's almost like I knew I had to ask this specific question at this specific time in the story to receive that information, but not why.

We walked downstairs as we were talking and found Lisa and Jackson sitting in the living room waiting for us. Jamie, did you get everything settled? I hope everything is ok for you and your room. Make sure to let me know if you need anything, commented Jackson. Jackson, everything is fine. I was able to get all settled in and even got a quick nap. I'm just finally glad to be here doing that again.

Can I smell you? Well, when I met my werewolf mate, I smelled rum raisin and a new car. It's very common. You smell an ice cream flavor? You smell an ice cream flavor and an air freshener?

Just like at lunch, every time I glanced over at Jackson, he seemed to be looking at me. He seemed to be sizing me up, but I can't figure out why. Have you solved the mystery? No. No. Okay. However, I didn't want to seem rude, so I just...

His mother was his mother. Yeah. And the butler did it. All throughout dinner. No fun. Stop it. All throughout dinner, I could smell the chocolate and pine aroma, but I could not be sure of where it was coming from.

If only I'd recently received some extremely relevant information from an extremely specific question I'd asked that I could compare to this experience to. Yeah, you skipped that cutscene, asshole. I was starting to wonder if my mate was in the room with me, but I didn't even know how to figure out where the smell was coming from.

What was this chocolate in here? Maybe it was the super hot guy with the butt. I couldn't stop staring at it earlier. Also, apparently when you're, yeah, whatever. Unbeknownst to me, Lisa was watching both Jackson and me. By being able to watch us, she was able to figure out what I was still processing. This is a first-person story,

so how did Jamie know what Lisa was thinking about? All thoughts were interrupted when this girl came into the room. Hey, handsome, I'm Sarah. What's your name? Hi, Sarah. My name is, uh, so Jackson gets a description normally preceded by the words, I saw everything, officer, but this girl gets nothing. Jamie, would you like to go for a walk with me? Sorry, Sarah. I am still exhausted from my trip here. I think I'm going to head to bed early tonight. Also, you first appeared in the story like three seconds ago. Slow your roll, girl.

Damn. I didn't know why, but just the idea of being alone with her made me uncomfortable. Ew, girl, ew. Though seriously, it may have to do with how she walked. I had the same feeling about her that I did about Mary from my old pack, and that could not be a good thing. Oh, God, vaginas, get them away from me.

Maybe tomorrow will hold for more answers from me. That's the end of the chapter with a tense shift. Yay! A room? A room? If on... If on my alpha, my mate. So in addition to not being professional readers,

we are also not professional actors. But we're also the kind of people that say, fuck that, why should that stop us? So in addition to erotic readings, we are also going to be doing a little smattering of erotic plays. Now I don't know what you think about Law & Order, but this story is called Law & Order Fanfic. It's a script by Where Did Angels Go? fanfic. It's a script by Where Did Angels Go? It is tagged

fiction, fanfic, oral, penetration, and hot. Playing the part of Elliot Stabler will be Boots Rangier. Playing the part of Olivia will be Kumquats Up. And I will be playing the part of Olivia in the future, reflecting back on her life and narrating events

because writing is hard. Just so you know, apparently most of what I'm saying is an aside. So you don't understand it. Elliot, you're up first. We're sharing a mic. Okay. Liv just let me walk you home this day was hell. It was true.

We had just tried to convict a killer who cut off people's hands and used the bones to make a chandelier. It took us weeks to catch this guy. By then, he had killed and cut off hands of 18 victims. Not to mention, he had a killing spree. No. Not to mention, he had had a killing spree by the bone's age about 10 years ago,

but was never caught because he was running around the country. Lucky for us, he was messy this time. Not to mention, he tried to make me one of his victims. Fine. Thanks, you know, after me and Kathy separated, you've been really helping me get on my feet. Don't meteons it, backslash. Holy shit. Oh my god. I stared into those wonderful eyes. Eyes that I had seen every day for the past, oh, how many years? I've lost count. His lips full, slickly cracked from the cold of winter,

but looked so kissable. Halfway to my house! I couldn't help it. I grabbed his hand. Oliver? Sorry, just cold is all. I was lying. He looked so hot after a day

of work with me, his rough hands and strong arms. I was fan- Oh, God. I was fan- sit- I was fan-sit- snizing. Something in that general area about him

the rest of the way to my apartment when suddenly he looked right at me and tucked a simple strand of hair behind my ear like friends do, but I lost it. I grabbed him by the tie and I yanked him close and I crushed his lips onto mine in a warm, past-yonet kiss.

Olivia, what the hell? What the hell? Show, don't tell! I'm talking! Show, don't tell! I, I, I, I don't know what to say. Me and Kathy have only been separated for two weeks. I know. I just, after all that has happened these past few weeks, I needed comfort. Would it be in-app riot to invite you upstairs?

Just to hang out, I need someone to talk to. Well, okay. Following is stage directions which our actors will perform. I hope. We ended up talking for hours and had finished off about half a Jack Donny-alls when I went to kiss him a Jane, only this time he didn't push way. He grabbed my close and I put my arms around His side neck and he slid up Oh I wish I was looking at this

And he slid up back to my hair We kissed so hot And soon our brief Was heavy almost panting I was so turned on He lifed me up on the couch And laid on the bed And soon was on top of me

But I'll let you have a minute laid on the bed and soon was on top of me. But, but, I'll let you have a minute. But, but, but, I quickly flipped him, so I was on him. Only, I flipped in the wrong way, and we soon fell off the bed.

fell off the bed. We burst into laughter, but but but get up going. He ripped open my blouse and kissed my neck. I took off his tie. I took off his tie and unbuttoned his shirt at lightning

speed. Soon I felt his... Soon I felt... You're Olivia. You're Stable. Soon... Oh, there's the word member. Soon I felt his member's seeing. Seeing, seeing.

I felt it against my leg. He put me on the edge of the bed and laid me back. I could see his huge erection through his pants. He undid his belt, but his pants didn't drop. I yank him forward and he was kissing me a Jane. He unhooked my bra and

oh God, oh God, I felt his hand go down my pants and soon his fingers were inside me. And let out a moan. As he had not one, not two, but three inside me. You little whore! Is it Tootsie Roll Paul?

Oh, Elliot. I said, also, I was... Also, I was almost soaking through my panties. I was so wet. He then dropped his pants and boxers, and I yanked my pants and underwear off, ready for him to be inside me. Not yet, he said with a devilish grin

as he pulled me further up on the bend. I was under him, completely at his mercy. He kissed in between my thighs and so close to my clit where his chow went for only a biaf second. Say my name. Elliot. What do you want me to do? Do me. How? Tell me how you want it.

He's the eyed face and still between my legs as I could feel his hot breath. I want you all. Of you, I want it all. As you wish he went down on me his chow playing with my clit where his finger was

oh why there's no more actions sliding in and out and I could feel myself coming already and then I did I screamed out in ecstasy he put his hand above my head

and cuffed them to the headboard then he was inside me. I frissed slow, but then picked up the reatum. I don't know. He picked up the rectum. Go faster, harder.

I said, and he did. The bed was rocking, and he was all the way inside me, pounding me harder and harder until I came in yet again. Shut the fuck up. I was shocked. He could shut the fuck up.

He could last so long. But before he came, he pulled out. What's wrong, El? Suck me. And I did. Skip the rest of that. Skip the rest of that. Skip the rest of that.

I just... Oh! That's me! Oh! Oh! He came. As he cramed in my mouth, I swallowed it, and he went back to kissing my neck. I woke up the next day still cuffed to the headboard,

but happier than I had been in months. Comment if you want this to be contained. I don't mind critics. Sorry for my spelling, by the way. It's my first time writing Rurotic, so I'm new at this. End of story. Boots, rain gear, kumquats up. All right.

I think this one sort of deserves a little bit of a musical number. So I want to give you, this'll be the theme song for this book. Okay. Looking and searching and trolling for pussy. Looking and searching and trolling for pussy. We're trolling for pussy. Trolling for pussy. Trolling for pussyussy Trolling for Pussy

Bunny Bread Ladies, gentlemen, and ladies again How you doing? So you've heard the title of the book, I think, once or twice. Yes, it's Trolling for Pussy. Trolling for Pussy! Trolling for Pussy! Is this about fishing?

Yes. Yes, it is. It's a love story about fishing. No, it isn't. Yay! Yay, yeah. So, anyways, it's a love story, and I wanted to, I just, I want to get romantic. We've had a lot of hard sex. It was pretty hard on him, anyways.

Yeah, but let's get romantic. And let's ease into this now. Jada trembled with anticipation as she felt the warmth of his breath blowing on her engorged clit. It protruded from her bushy brown pubic hair like a plump strawberry in a briar patch. Ozone, that would be

one of the trolls in question, couldn't resist its allure. He licked it hard with the flat side of his tongue before sucking it into his moist mouth. He smiled as her thick thighs clamped around his head, trapping him against her steamy cunt. His head bobbed up and down as he licked

the warm juices that bubbled from her oozing gash. Troll pussies are carbonated. I don't know. Pussy. Troll pussies are carbonated. I don't know. Mentos to pussy. Your pussy is delicious, he admired. Ozone loved the taste of pussy. If there was a way to bottle pussy juice,

he'd drink it by the bottle and buy it by the case. That's Crystal Pepsi. Crystal Pussy. Is this not romantic enough? I don't understand the problem here. In fact, there is only one thing he loved more than pussy. Can anyone guess what it is? Money? Or pussy.

Two pussy. Fish. Three pills. Three pills. And it was getting his dick sucked. Stupid, stupid, sucked. Nobody wins. Wiggling free of her thighs, Ozone reversed the orientation of his body

until his large cock was positioned over Jada's face. Pleasure coursed through Ozone's veins as Jada gently stroked and sucked his 11-inch cock. Oh, wow. Hello. You know, it's okay for a troll. Her hands were large but soft as lambswools.

They slid along his shaft. The pad of her thumb toitled with a big vein which ran along the underside of his dick as her hands slowly traveled its length. Burrowing his face

between Jada's thick thighs, his recent... Oh, excuse me. His hungry mouth sought its favorite treat. What's his favorite treat, people? Strawberries? Nope.

Eating his dick sucked. Bunny bread is his favorite treat. Fresh hot pussy. His tongue was insatiable as it lapped in the sensitive pink flesh inside her cunt. Rolling his wide, long tongue into a fat log he thrusted into her tight slit. Jada's ass squirmed wildly against his face as he tongue-fucked her. I tongue-fucked her. Her climax rolled along her spine almost instantly,

catching Jada completely off guard. Screaming around the girth of Ozone's big cock, she came with the force of a category five, five tornado on a flat open plane. There's just like six or seven weathermen. There were no survivors after she came. There's six or seven weathermen in front of her pussy, just like holding her hat down. Several were pulled up

into it. There was a cow. She came so hard she ate Helen Hunt. Yep. Ecstasy consumed her in a matter of seconds reducing her body into a big pile of quivering green jello that's hot little pig little so anyways ozone he's a troll right okay and he's i guess too ugly to fuck normal trolls or something. I don't really, I didn't read it. Ozone was a homely pug-nosed troll who lived alone in a large troll village tucked deep in the bowels of a forest in a national park reserve. That's all you need to know?

Fuck it, let's go on. That's the backstory. He's an actual troll, yes. Oh, I'm sorry, do you need to catch up? I can read that fuck story again. So Ozone can't get a lot of troll pussy. Somehow, despite his average 11-inch cock. Most of his waking hours were spent fantasizing about pussy

or playing with his ginormous dick. Oh, wait, fantasizing about playing with his ginormous dick, I guess. Wait, why don't we just, oh, I wish I was... Yeah, oh god, oh, couldn't you imagine? Oh, wow, that would be awesome, I could touch my own penis. You know what's hot? My own dick. Most humans do not know or realize that trolls are very sexually active beings. Sex pays a tremendous role in the life of a troll. A troll can no more live without a good fuck

than they can without food or water. Unlike humans. Unfortunately, because Ozone wasn't labeled ugly, or because he was labeled ugly, female trolls just weren't attracted to him. They wanted handsome children, and none of them were willing to risk passing Ozone's ugly jeans onto their children.

So Ozone was hopelessly single with little chance of enticing a wife. If only they knew what Ozone had hidden in his trousers. Maybe they'd reconsider. Ozone wasn't blessed with good looks, but he was endowed with the biggest, fattest, hardest, dickiest dick

in the troll village. So his dick popped its own collar? Yes. His dick wore sunglasses on the back. It popped the foreskin is what it did. Understandably over the years, Ozone's dick had become his favorite toy. He played with it every chance he got.

He took it out, he flew a kite. It was awesome. My penis. My penis. However, he had grown kite It was awesome My penis, my penis However, he had grown tired of screwing his neighbors and friends' wives Beneath the cover of Deception and Darkness Sooner or later he'd be discovered And a nasty scandal would rock their small village The only other option was to live a life of celibacy

Which, shit, that ain't happening A current troll affair Yep Just as he made up his mind to leave Ozone's best friend, Tebow, came up with a brilliant solution. I ain't lying. That's what's in here. Tebow, yes.

As fate would have it, Ozone was a gifted wizard at a whim. Tebow said, I'll pray for you. Wait, wait, wait. Can trolls be wizards? Sure. No, no, no. Well, fuck this book. Star Wars says no.

Wait, wait, don't ever watch. It's from D&D you're playing. Yeah, well, hang on. Okay, I won't throw that on this book yet. I think they say pussy a few more times. I fucking love our audience. Take me away and that's not it. All right, so Ozone, he and Tebow hang out

and then they, I don't know, they eat pussy together or something. But Ozone, being the non-canonical wizard that he is, he can make a potion, evidently, to turn him into a handsome, handsome human. Oh, wait, all new possibilities are opening up for Mr. Ozone here. Awesome. So, he makes himself a little potion.

He gives it to his good buddy, Tebow. It was then that Ozone noticed a change in coloration, along with a dramatic change in the texture of Tebow's skin. Ozone recorded the results as they happened. Next, blonde hair sprouted like magic on Tebow's bald head. Within seconds, he had a full head of loose blonde curls. My scalp stings. Is something happening?

Tebow asked as he reached up to feel his head. Oh my damn! What the hell is all this? Running to the mirror, Tebow saw the transformation begin to fold. It's working! I can't believe it's working! Do you see this shit? He explained, looking to Ozone for confirmation.

Ozone nodded slowly with a shit-face grin on his face. He was equally astounded at the rapid transformation. He watched amazed as Tebow's bulky, round frame tightened, revealing a sleek, muscular physique. Tebow cringed in pain as his spine, bones, and joints adjusted and blah, blah, blah.

There's some other shit that happened. Oh. Okay, okay. There's some other shit that happens. Try to sit in the hot tub. Oh. Okay, okay. This shit hurts. Tebow grunted in pain. Is it supposed to hurt? Yeah, sorry.

It's part of the transformation. You're lucky. It appears to be a lot milder than I originally expected. Just to warn you, I think you're about to experience the headache of a lifetime. Your facial features are about to transform. How do you know that? Before he could finish his statement,

Tebow growled, falling to his knees, holding his head in apparent intense pain. Ozone watched spellbound as Tebow's head took human form with distinct human features, including blue eyes, a straight pointed nose, and a strong jawline. Human features! The transformation took

less than five minutes, but gave Tebow an immense amount of pain. He roared in agony, cursing his decision to drink the elixir. Beauty ain't pretty. Or beauty ain't shit. Pretty ain't pretty. Some other things happen. That's hot.

Hang on, hang on. So they try out their formula various times, and they want to go fuck women. Human women. Yeah, big old development there. Hey, you check your fucking crib. They got the sweetest pussy juice. Did he have to give up the 11-inch? So Ozone sneaks on into Humanville, wherever that is.

Not really knowing what to expect, he found an empty booth in the back of his bar and took a seat. Almost instantly, he could feel the eyes of several women molesting him. The hostess, who seated him, all but ripped her panties off and shoved them in his mouth. Some other shit happens like that. Ooh, she's playing the long game there. She wants a tip. She's playing the long game there. Let's see here.

Okay, so he meets a woman who happens to be a hooker. And they go upstairs and they go, fuck. And then they talk about how bad things are for her. Let's see here. No more than five minutes later, they enter Lachey's modest studio apartment. It was neat and clean, but very small. Curious, Ozone looked around, admiring the various photos and knickknacks displayed around the room. Do you live here alone?

Wait, I got, what, 20 seconds the room. Do you live here alone? Wait a minute. I got, what, 20 seconds? Okay. Do you live here alone? Boing. There we go. Lachey studied him for a moment. It was obvious Ozone couldn't wrap his mind around her plight. Poverty was in fact a difficult concept for some to grasp, especially if you've never experienced it for yourself.

And Ozone looked like he had no clue what it felt like to be hungry or so broke. You had to sell your body to keep a roof over your head. This is what you want from your fuck books. Sociopolitical commentary. That's right. That's what I want from my fuck books, buddy. What the fuck's wrong with you?

I'm weird, and that's my fault. I'm sorry. So... All right. Yeah, for now, we have a little time, right? Pulling her in his arms, he searched her face. She was gorgeous, but it was quite evident she had a rough life. A life that had worn hard in her spirit and sad in her soul. I like you, Lachey, and I want to help.

I like you too, baby. Oh, let's just skip to his dick. Skip to the part where he comes. Okay. I believe it was 11 inches, if I recall correctly. Lachey could feel his rigid dick jerking on her leg. I guess

it just jumped out. She couldn't wait to get her hands on it as her tongue danced around Ozone's mouth. Lachey unbuckled his jeans and unzipped him. Ozone ground groaned. Ground? Yeah, ground. Ground loudly as her small hand Encircled his throbbing hard cock With a little effort, Lachey freed Ozone's troll

Dick from its fabric prison OMG Yeah And then they Fucked Bunny brand Bunny fucking Brand fucked. Bunny fucking bread!

He's trolling for pussy. That's a Saturday night for bunny bread. The next person coming up to the stage, his name, as far as you fucking know, is Frank West. I believe this is a book with, you know, I do this,

and then everyone has to adjust the thing. Sorry about that. This book, I believe, has some sort of religious implications. His book is called Do Unto Others, as they would write Kindle porn unto you. Yes! Yes! So, as a forward, when I picked this book, I thought, you know, it's about sex and the Matrix, essentially. I thought that'll be a fun little read.

I read the preview. It seemed nice. I'm going to start from the part where it goes off the rails. Yay! Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. Tearing his attention away from Sarah, Tom tried to focus on what Sarah was telling him. She apparently was just finishing telling him about all the sex you could have in Alternity. She was saying, if rape is your thing, that is. What?

Whose thing is rape? Tom's thing is rape. Uh-uh, Tom stuttered. I said, there are places where girl avatars are willing to be raped. No questions. Sarah kept droning on about Alternity, and Tom's imagination raced ahead. Rape?

I can rape someone here? What do you mean? Captivated with the thought, Tom half-listened to what Sarah is saying. So, this guy's a fucking terrible at pacing, so right after this scene guy's a fucking terrible at pacing, so right after this scene, there's a fucking info dump,

and he feeds his fucking dog. But eventually, he gets around to raping and killing and fucking whatever. Actually, those rapes were really boring, so I'm skipping over them for time. The problem with this rape is it's just too boring. Well, I probably should have said earlier, but he's wearing a cap on his head. He's not really in the Matrix. During his latest rampage, the cat pulled him from Alternity. It had realized that Tom was suffering from severe dehydration,

just as the adapter had promised. Tom had been gone for more than four days, peed himself, shit himself, and just rolled around in it. He didn't care, though. He didn't care about anything. The fucking cat wouldn't let him go back in until he had rehydrated himself. So Tom had to wait about almost half a day while his body absorbed the water he put into it. Tom didn't even think about Franny. Oh, fuck. Franny's a

pug. Franny's the only fucking thing that loves him anymore until he noticed some scratches on his leg. Looking around, he saw her by the toilet. She was too short to reach the water, but Tom had closed the cover anyway. Her water bowl was empty and she was suffering from severe dehydration

too. Not to mention starvation. Tom went downstairs to get some food and water and Franny tried to follow this time but she was too weak. Collapsing at the head of the stairs, she could hear Tom gobbling down water and food

and she was sure he would bring some to her. But as he came up the stairs, her pleading eyes could see that he hadn't brought her anything. Tom was vaguely aware of Franny's dry little tongue, reaching out to lick his foot as he stepped over her. It was enough to make him turn and look into her sad, trusting eyes. What Franny saw was enough to make even her doggy sense know that Tom was gone. She was the only creature who loved Tom, and she loved Tom for who he used to be many years ago. Now she could see the new Tom. Tom didn't care about her.

Tom wouldn't care about her anymore, ever. With that knowledge, her little heart broken forever, Franny chose to go into her own alternative, with her little corpse wasting away at the top of the stairs as Tom continued his rampage. So how was your vacation, Tom? Well, I fucked so hard I killed my dog. So Tom goes on and rapes and gets into tons of shit,

including at one point simulating jumping off the fucking Twin Towers in the middle of fucking 9-11. That happens. I can't even read that part. This is the only way I can get hard. Can I forget that? So he picks out a lady named Amanda. That's his next target.

Amanda quickly doffed her clothes and lay down enticingly on the blanket. Apparently foreplay wasn't really needed in Alternate 8. If you wanted intercourse, the male was always hard enough and the female always wet enough. If you wanted foreplay, that was a whole experience by itself.

Do you want any foreplay, Tom asked? Like a proper gentleman. Would you like to fuck more? I don't need any for... One foreplay, please. I don't need any for what we are doing, Amanda said. When you do the mind meld, the foreplay is all in the mind. Insert Parappa joke here.

It has nothing to do with licking the clit or sucking the dick. Amanda kind of stammered over the dirty words she had just spoken. Tom could tell he had a relatively innocent one here. Well, okay, if you say so, I'm more than willing to. Interrupted by Amanda, softly grabbing his hair, she pulled his head close to hers. Tom could feel the electric feeling again of their fields overlapping. Tom could see the firewall that Amanda had in place. Just like that, the firewall disappeared. Tom found himself falling into all that was Amanda. Actually, Jane, that boring name my mother gave me,

I like Amanda much better. So anyways, he fucks her mind to death in a fucking coma, because that's just all he does. That's what happens. F Plus Live. So anyway, he fucks her mind to death. happens. F plus live. So anyway, he fucks her mind to death.

Next t-shirt design. I'm skipping all this because the author is bad enough that he actually made that boring. Believe it or not. So Tom goes on, but this isn't enough for him. Tom changed into an avatar of a little boy named Dick.

Oh, here we go. Oh, yeah. Oh, did I already skip over the scene where he talks about his uncle raping him? I think I might have done that. I'm not reading that one. Gosh darn, I guess I didn't bring that one up. Tom chuckled at the thought of what if they could really see what a dick he is.

Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. at the thought of what if they could really see what a dick he is. Tom didn't want to immediately attack. This Walmart approach to torture was becoming less exciting. And also he wasn't sure how much he could get away with. He wanted just the right kind of person this time. He wanted to control whoever he assaulted and maybe do a little kiddie rampage with their body and avatar. That would fill the police office trail for sure. So anyways, he decides he's going to target this girl named Jane.

Get away ahead of that. I'm skipping everything. Fuck it. Fuck it. I'm skipping everything. Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it. You're not even even half the... Like, there's shit I'm not sure is legal to read in this fucking thing.

I'm on a list somewhere for you people. Read it! Read it! Read it! Read it! Read it! Read it! Someone would have to bring it up. So he chooses Jane at this fucking elementary school because they're both four-year-olds. What?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the good chance. That's the good chance. Tom was on a high that he just couldn't be achieved through any mortal means. He felt like a god, like Zeus. Unstoppable, all-powerful. Suddenly, another child came into view.

Tom didn't know her name, but he was completely delighted. She was just as cute as Jane, a couple of years older. He hadn't done two as once before, but he was sure he could. He's raped like 50 people, but I guess he hasn't done two as once. Two tykes for the price of one. Alright! Both of you get your dresses off now.

I never thought I'd say this, but I want to go back to the 9-11 part. Suddenly, the new little girl exclaimed, You are under arrest for child molestation. USA! USA! USA! USA! Reeling from what had just come from the little girl's mouth, Tom responded,

Oh shit, it's a honeypot. No, it's a mouth, Tom. It's a mouth. Forgetting his interest in Jane, Tom growled at the new little girl cop that she couldn't spring a trap on someone like him. Grabbing for her, Tom caught her by the shoulders. Lifting her up, he brought her head close to his. for her, Tom caught her by the shoulders. Lifting her up, he brought her head close to his. Slamming every ounce of power he had accumulated, Tom

blasted the child cop with all the force he could muster. He could see the firewall in the girl's mind and saw it begin to give away. He had never run into a firewall this substantial before, but he knew he would make it crumble. F.

Tough fuck, where was I? As the firewall disappeared, he went forward into the little girl's mind, grabbing all the threads. The sexual attraction divided his attention as his massive, throbbing penis began unconsciously thrusting at the little girl's body, similar to a dog humping someone's leg.

Tom tried to focus on his mental agenda and learned the little girl's name was actually Brent, an undercover cop. Batting away unimportant thought threads, Tom inadvertently connected with a few and realized this was Brewster with whom he had ridden on the roller coaster. We skipped that because it's boring. With his divided concentration, Tom ripped the panties from the little girl avatar

and directed his pumping penis in the right direction. Tom didn't really care about the sexual part anymore, but Scott must have cared. It would have taken too much concentration to stop the penetration, and frankly, Tom was okay with raping the little girl at this point. Suddenly, Tom felt his own threads start to wither. Astonished, he looked around in his mind

and saw his mostly red threads shriveling and contracting. Remembering his first experience with a mind blast, he quickly threw his defenses into place, but they weren't nearly enough. What blasted back his Tom was energy as pure as the sun, completely unstoppable. Tom felt a pure rage at the core of the blast, one which he understood completely.

It was the same as his own. This man had been molested, too. He just focused his rage differently than Tom, and Brent was also reflecting Tom's wrath back at Tom. Tom felt the tendrils in his mind scorch and then burn out into so much mind ash. All of the

power he had accumulated was gone, consumed in this new fire painfully entering his head. Strangely enough, Tom felt a tremendous fire shoot out of his now tiny little penis and a new kind of horrible orgasm, suddenly knowing that it would result in his death.

Yay! Yay! As a final note, the author's note to this, I'll just read the first part, due unto others is the first story I have written to completion. It was with Piers Anthony's encouragement that I did so. And suddenly it all makes sense.

As some of you may have guessed, it was based on Piers' story Mousetrap. I googled that shit. There's no story Mousetrap. Frank West! Frank West Fuck you Pierce Anthony For so many reasons

Fuck you Pierce Anthony That's at least partly your fault Jesus That's at least partly your fault. Jesus. Jesus fucking Christ. Frank West read that in a room with people in it. Jesus. Jesus.

Ah. Ah. Okay. Oh! Oh! Ah! Oh, okay. Okay. Poor, poor, poor Tex. Poor Tex. Come up to the stage.

Come up, come up to the stage. Come up to the stage. Okay, poor Tex. Poor Tex. Poor Tex! Poor Tex! Poor Tex! Poor Tex! Poor Tex! Poor Tex!

Poor Tex! Okay. I've got a couple questions about your book no no no no I'll make fun of your eye later I've made fun of your eye all weekend alright so poor Tex I got a couple questions about your book

was it written by a man or a woman written by a woman okay percentage wise how much of this a woman? Written by a woman. Okay, written by a woman. Okay, percentage wise, how much of this book is

rape of small children? There's absolutely no sex in this book whatsoever. Poor tax, ladies and gentlemen! A new day is turning! Hi! What's going on? I'm too short for this. Can someone help me? Short tax!

Yep. Some of you may not realize this, but I'm a girl. Yeah. Yep. True facts. Well, it's a long story. Something I found out on the internet yesterday is that all girls love Twilight.

All of them. Every last one of them. And so I did not know that about myself. But I found myself with this wolf shirt on today. All right? I got this wolf shirt on. Team Jacob. Yep.

So girls love it when you're fucking vampires, full of fucking mummies, fucking ghosts, fucking werewolves, you know, fucking everything. Trolls. Yeah. Trolls. Trolls, everything. So, to that end, we're going to read some monster paranormal loving. It's a romance. So, it's called Twisted.

It's by Miranda Leak. And we're going to see some love today. We're going to see some love. So, this changes point of view a lot. So Claire and I got into our convertible and started our departure. A sixth scent kicked in. Yep. Yeah, scent.

I'm stupid for doing this. I shouldn't even have answered the damn door. I can't get out of this now. I'll just have to get some info on the carnival first, I thought. So how many people do you think will be there? I asked. Oh, lots. It's opening night. What all is there? Well, there's rides, booths, games. Uh, do you know what kind of rides there are? You know, carousels, ferris wheels, tilt-o-whirls, roller coasters. Did you say roller coasters? I said, does my heart skip to beat?

Well, yes. Do you like them? Well, yes and no. What do you not like about them? Oh, boy, how should I put this? I pondered as I rubbed my chin. I have my reasons. Weird, because you are a roller coaster engineer.

She laughed as you turn on the radio if yes if only you knew if only you could understand I thought I wish if I told you Claire that you could accept me and still love me if only I wasn't a monster a monster I tried to relax a little bit. I just have to avoid riding or touching any coasters. Plus be back away from Claire before the moon rose. If I wasn't careful, I could kill her by mistake. As opposed to on purpose.

A few only seconds later, I saw the carnival and its rides, including the roller coaster. A small streak of pain went down my spine even before I stepped out on the cracked concrete. I've made a big mistake, I thought as I sweat. A drop of sweat ran down my neck. Oh, crap, I said without thinking. What is it? Um, there are a lot of people here. As I come up with another answer,

what's wrong with that, besides lines? I'm just not so good with crowds. Just come on, Rodney, she said, guiding me out of the car in a quotation mark that never ended. A little while later, Claire dragged me onto the Ferris wheel. As soon as I sat down, my feet and hands started to tingle. I'm feeling the power, I realized. I need to step in and control at all costs to maintain stability.

This is fun, Claire said as we slowly went up. Claire, I have to go home before night falls, I said suddenly as I stared ahead into the horizon, not even flinching once. Not even once. And then, like, they do some games and she had to give us a fuck, I don't care. She grabbed my hand and then pulled me up and started to yank me across the lot.

Rodney, we are riding the roller coaster now, no exceptions, she said, forcing me to swallow, to what? To follow her. now, no exceptions She said, forcing me to swallow her Sorry, I Claire, no, I pleaded My spine began to ache as I stood right in front of it What is it, Rodney? She said, glaring at me You really want the truth? I'm a monster

Claire, she rolled her eyes and mysteriously climbed the platform and pulled me along. Claire, you don't understand. You could be killed, I pleaded. Rodney. Rodney, you are most likely to drown in your bathtub than falling off a roller coaster any day. What happened there? You were voted most likely to drown in a tub in your high school senior year. So they get onto the roller coaster.

Rodney broke out into tremendous sweat as the car climbed the hill. His body started to shake. Claire looked at him, frightened. Rodney, what's wrong with you? She screamed. Claire, I told you, I'm a monster. I said, wincing. The car traveled faster.

Rodney shook violently. Oh, yeah, we monster, I said wincing. The car traveled faster. Rodney shook violently. Oh yeah, we switched perspective, by the way. And his form had been activated. His skin began to singe and peel, exposing a mixture of metal and flesh underneath. Claire screamed horrendously. Rodney was changing and getting stronger. He lifted up his restraint. As the car ran to the curb, Rodney tumbled out.

He hit the concrete without breaking any bones or scaring his restraint. As the car ran to the curb, Rodney tumbled out. He hit the concrete without breaking any bones or scaring his body. He then started to scream. So I guess he was, yeah. Rodney began to change. No, he screamed. I will not be overpowered. He fought the beast he really was. His change began to slow but it could never be stopped. Claire

stood several feet away from watching him in horror. Rodney's shoulder blades vibrated as seats sprouted along his back. His skin... Oh, yeah. This is happening. Yep. His seats.

Skin was ripping off his chest and he was slowly losing his sanity. His hands and feet fused together to make wheels. His tailbone extended as his teeth grew into fangs. Still, his own will was in control, but not for long He turned and looked at Claire He was only half rollercoaster at the moment I'm half rollercoaster on my father's side

His skin dangled from him and his hair falling out Rodney, are you a... Claire, he said in a rugged voice, this only happens at night and when I touch a roller coaster. Claire, you must go! So he turns into a roller coaster a little bit more. Who gives a shit? And she goes, Rodney, she said to him, dumbfounded.

She started to recover from the rapid change, and then his eyes met hers. Rodney, she said to him, dumbfounded. She started to recover from the rapid change, and then his eyes met hers. Rodney, it's me. It's Rail Runner now. Yeah! Yeah. Yeah. So he goes...

There is no Rodney, only Rail Runner. So he goes on a fucking rampage and kills people, and then the next day he's a human, so whatever, all's forgiven. And so... Were all the humans on track? Yes. So anyway, she asks him in his human form and meets him again. So what can you do in your coaster form?

I can heal myself. I have extreme strength, agility, and senses. I can bend lightning and fire, which I did lightning and nearly killed myself last night. I can't ever get sick. I can predict when things will happen, you know, and others. All roller coaster power. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.

What was it like being a real runner? She asked quietly and nervously as she pulled her sleeves. Well, Claire, it certainly has its ups and downs. Waka, waka. Okay. That story really went off the rails. So, okay, so they talk for a bit. He says, okay.

Then all was quiet for a minute, and then Claire looked up at me, tearing up. Rodney, I mean, Rail Runner, I think your other side might come between us. What? I said startled. Rail Runner, you are very good to me, but unfortunately you're also very bad. You almost killed me last night. Claire, I didn't. It's not my fault.

Rail Runner, this will never work. You have people that can't accept you for who you are. You have people that want you dead. Rail Runner, our love is forbidden. We can't carry on any longer. A rollercoaster cannot be in love with a human. Claire, please, I said, coming to my knees. Railrunner, we are done. No more, she said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

She pulled a pink rose out of a vase and handed it to me. Then she disappeared into the house and stormed outside as I climbed into my car. I sat in the seat holding my rose. Why does it have to be this way? I said in sheer frustration. Why me? Okay, so, so, so, okay, this book has lots of fucking fight scenes. This book is 400 fucking pages long. So, okay.

So, they... 60 seconds. 60 seconds. Okay. Yeah! Oh, yeah! Alright, so I only got a minute left, so we're gonna get to near the very end, alright?

Very end. So, she, an evil coaster grabs her, as one does, and throws her off a cliff. And she almost dies. So, she goes, okay, so, shut up, shut up, I'm gonna do this. Okay, he finds a way for them to be together, so you want the happy ending.

So, he bites her as she falls down. And she says, hang on. Okay, suddenly a strange noise came from Claire. I bent down to investigate. Claire's wounds started to shrink until they were no longer visible. Her skin started to turn a lilac tint

and her hair began to fall out. A horrible sound of cracking bones made her extend her limbs as if a jolt of electricity ran through her. Claire's skin began to stretch as her body began to grow. Her eyes suddenly flew open and they were no longer human.

They were the classic cat-like appearance. Claire slowly stood up and howled. I felt myself move closer. She still had her back turned to me, so I needed further observation. Claire was a purple steel roller coaster. Overall,

hang on, okay, so overall, overall, she was even more beautiful as a coaster. Finally, I thought we were balanced. Claire, I asked, rail runner? Her voice was ever so lovely. It was a mystic tone, more beautiful than the gentle melody of a violin.

Nice to see you again, I smiled. Claire emitted a small grin. Then she put her wheels onto her forehead and sighed. I feel weird, she said. No, but what do you think? What do you mean, Rail Runner? I just said that I feel really strange, that's all.

I don't know how quite to put this, Claire, but Claire interrupted with a laugh. If you're just gonna say something, just... And she stopped as soon as she looked down to see her chest and belly. Her eyes widened as she held up a set of wheels. Looking at them speechless, Claire felt her head, letting her wheels run across her smooth little seats.

She then glanced back at me, standing there, smiling like a little girl. I'm a roller coaster, she said. She then grinned the biggest grin I'd ever seen from her, and she gave me a hug, and this time I could hug her back without crushing her. Oh, I'm so happy! Thank you! You're welcome, I replied. Boots, make the microphone work for me. Yeah, put it to lemon level.

There we go. All right. Vortex, ladies and gentlemen. We've got a break coming up. But before our break, I want to give you another treat. I want to constantly give you treats. I really do want to give you my cum. Treats, treats. I want to give you another treat. I want to constantly give you treats. I really do want to give you my cum. Treats! Treats! I want to give you my treats. And

so to that end, in addition to some of the other things we have, we have Victor, and we have Stog, and they're coming up to the stage. Yay! Yay, Victor! Yay! Thank you, Stog! Now, this is a gritty reboot of Batman Dark Knight. Victor Laszlo will be playing the part of Bruce Wayne.

Yay! Yay! Stog will be playing the part of Dick Grayson. Dick Grayson! Hi, Batman! And our scene starts. Interior, Wayne Mansion, dineroom, night. Bruce and Dick are sitting on the table.

They're sitting on the table Sitting on the table eating So How was your day? Fine Just fine I'd never seen you with the robin suit For a long period of time Fine, just fine. I never seen you with the Robin suit for a long period of time. That's because I'm not Robin no more.

What? I want to be someone new. Senpai, I want my Robin suit to look scary. Do you know what your new suit is cause you need my approval for that? For the that? I got the suit. Name? Nightwing.

Shit. It's time to get to work. No! No? What do you mean, no? You just told me you're not Robin. Yeah, and now I'm Nightwing. You're not just about to change just like that. Why?

Because everyone knows Robin, and I don't have the time to present just like that. Why? Because everyone knows Robin and I don't have the time to present you to everyone. You don't understand, Bruce. Let go of me. I got to go. Okay, bye. Bye. Victor Laszlo and Stug! Victor Laszlo and Stog! Stog!

Yay, Victor! Yay, Stog! So, it is not un... It is not unwarm in this place. It is fucking hot in this room. And I think we should take an intermission. So we're going to have that intermission. If you need some drinks, please get yourself some drinks.

And meanwhile, we're going to smoke, have a drink, and come back with more Arr... Hotica F Plus Live!