The F Plus - live4a: F Plus Live 4 | Part One

Episode Date: October 25, 2015

This is the audio for F Plus Live, part 1. All of these recordings are also available on video, thanks to Mique. We've put together an F Plus Live 4 playlist right here. We'll confess up front that the audio is... well, it's as good as it is. Lemon spent many hours trying to clean up the sounds, and believes it's good enough. But the content is what matters. The audio and video were each cut differently, each contain stuff the other doesn't. Part One Contains Frank West: Bipartisanship by Roscavenbar STOG: Sonic the Hedgehog: World War 2 Dragon by DarkDoomFireMaster Jack Chick: Vampires, Werewolves and Sparrow OH MY! by Kameya Sparrow The Not Ready For YouTube Players: Friday the 13th Part 11 Jason Vorhees by Jason Seamone

Minneapolis, how are you doing tonight? Yeah, all right, all right. That's something. That's your baseline. That's where we started. That's where we started. I got to tell you something about this podcast, about myself in this room. This podcast had did two live shows performing for an audience of less than the people that were involved in the podcast.

I am going to make the following promise to you people right now. Your time here tonight is going to be very, very memorable. I'm going to making it already. It really is. So grab some beers and sit down for some of the very, very, very worst readings. Before we begin, I want you to direct your attention over there to Mike. Mike is recording this event, so we have a video of this later. And that means one crucial thing. If you're the person that stands up with the phone videotaping the thing on your camera, you are officially

the stupidest motherfucker in the room. All right, I'm not going to fuck around anymore because I need to bring one person up to the stage, and his legend on the stage is suspect. He is on a watch list. His name is Frank West! Hello, hello. So to start us off, I thought I would read another story from the guy whose story I read last year. Unfortunately, my lawyer has advised me not to do so. Instead, I want to take you back to a magical time, a time full of hope. 2012, Hurricane Sandy has just hit New Jersey, and Governor Chris Christie is having a very bad day.

By anyone's standards anywhere, Chris Christie was having a terrible motherfucking week. Billions of dollars of damage, a few million people without power, dozens of people dead, and that little prick from Fox News, douchey by without power, dozens of people dead, and that little prick from Fox News, Doocy by name and Doocy by nature, asking when Romney would show up in New Jersey and what Sandy was going to do to his campaign. Like that was troubling Christy's mind at the time. He had about five hours sleep and zero changes of clothes over the past three days, and he'd bitten Doocy's smug little head off.

Everyone had just eaten it up. That asshole stick could come in useful. Cocksucker, Christie muttered now as he heaved himself out of the car, trying to get some of the profanity out of his system before he met the president. This guy might have been a boob, and he was definitely a Democrat, but he'd been on the phone as soon as NOAA saw that huge fucker setting straight for the coast. Governor Christie, how are you preparing for the storm? I've signed the emergency declaration. You have my number now. Call me directly if you need anything. And then at landfall, he'd been there all through that horrible night. Governor, you're on the ground. How do things look? What federal resources do you need now? How do we get New Jersey back up and running, Chris? And FEMA had been there. You had

to give credit where credit was due, and Obama had finally come through for Christie's sake. And there he was, coming down the steps. And fuck me running, Christie thought. He dressed down, too. Didn't want to wear a suit and make me look like even more of a schlub. Like I haven't taken enough shit for this fucking fleece already. Obama took Christie's outstretched hand and clapped him on the back. His warm breath brushed Christie's ear. Good to see you, man. Good to see you, man. Christie felt as if he'd grabbed hold of one of the downed power lines instead of the president's hand. His head spun.

The hell? While under the blue fleece, his skin tingled and burned where the president had touched him. And Christie realized exactly where all the blood that had rushed away from his head was going. He stumbled briefly before catching himself. The press had never made any secret of how much they coveted a shot of old Krispy Kremes falling on his ass. Not this time, guys, but fuck. Fuck. Obama had noticed and was steadying Christie with his hand. Must have been a rough few days. I don't envy you. The president's smile was gentle and sad. Understanding. That was pretty

classy, Christie thought. Christie had a fair idea of what a presidential campaign was like. He'd done his homework back when everyone had money on Romney picking him or Rubio, and he knew that Obama wasn't exactly getting seven hours either. Yours can't have been better, said Christy, although you probably get showers in clean clothes at least, he indicated his fleece. Been wearing this a while then, Obama asked, reaching out a hand to touch it. As he stroked the fleece, Christy's heart started to pound. Oh shit, did Obama feel that?

And he gulped as color flooded into his face. Christy wasn't, he didn't, he'd never been into men. And if he'd been into men, he wouldn't be into soft, liberal, bookish-a-feet pussies like the man in front of him. The man who was smiling down at him and caressing his fucking back and for a guy who wasn't into men there was one hell of a situation in christy's pants right now they walked to the helicopter christy voluble talking 19 to the dozen about fema and the power situation i would probably better just to buy up a lot of the ruined homes and take the opportunity to develop and invest rather than rebuild and maybe the federal government could help out with some of that." And Obama nodding slowly and listening.

Every so often, Obama's hand would brush his, and his skin would prickle and shit. He really needed sleep. Marine One was plush by naval helicopter standards, but tiny by things meant to accommodate Chris Christie standards. Sitting down opposite Obama, their knees brushed together. That's a collector's item, folks. Christy's dick twitched hopefully. And he leaned forward and hoped to God the stupid fucking fleece covered it. But the flight over New Jersey drove all thoughts out of Christy's

head except for the wreckage of his beloved state. The damage on the ground was enough, of course, but every time he saw it from up here, it destroyed him all over again, no matter how many times he flew over it. The beaches all underwater, the boardwalk smashed and destroyed, thousands of trees gone, houses flooded, roofless, still burning, ruined, the piers, the park, the corner, sorry, the coaster in the water water and the sausage and peppers stand completely gone. Christy had always traded on his reputation as a blowhard asshole who didn't give two fucks about anything. But he'd grown up right here on the Jersey Shore and he loved his home. And look at it now. Christy's eyes filled with tears and he hurriedly wiped away with his hand.

More tears came. Shit. He felt a touch on his knee. Obama was looking at him with those dark, kind eyes. We're going to rebuild it, Chris. Fix it all. We have the money. We have the people. It's going to be all right. New Jersey's tough. You're tough. Jersey's strong. Christy blinked away the tears. Every time I see it like that. I know, Chris, I know. Believe me, if Chicago got hit like that, I'd cry too. New Jersey's in your heart, Chris, your soul.

And Obama gently brushed a tear from Christie's cheek with a finger and took both of Christie's hands in his own. Christie broke down entirely, sobbing his heart out for poor, broken New Jersey and, oh, the shame of it, crying like a baby in Marine Run in front of the fucking president, who was always so calm and collected even when he clearly didn't have a clue about what he was doing, who Christy had always thought he was an idiot, but who had been so together and resolved through all this fucking storm. The fucking president, who was now kneeling on the floor of his personal helicopter,

taking the distraught governor in his arms and holding him close as he wept, rocking him and rubbing his back in small circles. It's okay, Chris, came the deep murmur in his ear. Fuck me, so embarrassing, Chris whispered through his tears. Anyone here says anything, I'll have them killed, Obama whispered back. And Christy managed a small watery laugh. That's better, murmured Obama. And Christy felt the soft lips and tongue on his cheek, touching where his tears flowed, tasting them. Tasting me, Christie thought. And the realization that the president had in fact just kissed him, sent a bolt of undeniable lust surging through his body. Christie pulled Obama in closer and

nuzzled into his cheek, nipping the sensitive skin and feeling the president shiver. Easy man, muttered Obama, patting Christie on his thigh, dangerously close to things he should not be touching at all. Press. Shit, Christie's voice was hoarse. Can we get some privacy later? Ten minutes. We have to make some calls anyway. I'll give strict orders not to be disturbed for any reason,

provided you can keep your mouth shut. That's never been a specialty of mine. In times of crisis, we all discover our hidden strengths, Obama growled in his ear. Scene change. Oh, Jesus fucking Christ, Christie thought to himself as he squirmed and thrust into Obama's mouth. It's true!

Men really do know exactly what they're doing down there. And this one at least had very long fingers and an unbelievable tongue. Christie bit his lip to keep himself from groaning as stars flashed in front of his eyes, and his orgasm slammed through him with a shudder that wracked his entire body. The next thing he was conscious of was Obama shaking him awake, phone in hand. Come on, governor, you got people to talk to. Christie rubbed his eyes. Shit, was I out for that long? Couple of minutes, Obama said, patting his shoulder. And you needed it. That sleep deprivation must be kicking in hard. Yeah, God, I must stink too. I swear I'm going to be buried in this fucking fleece. It kind of shoots you, though. It's a good fleece. The last word in

disaster fashion. I'd let you have it, but I still need something to wear, and there's no fucking way I can get into yours. Obama grinned and pulled the governor into a bear hug. Christie luxuriated for a moment in his president's warm, wiry embrace, before feeling an insistent poke at his belly and realizing Obama was still hard for him. Should I, you know, do you now? No time. Anyway, that's not how it works. Federal government sends aides to the states, not the other way around. I'm here to give you what you need. Like a punch in the gut, Christy suddenly remembered a whole lot of things that had not been uppermost in his mind. Listen, about that, you know I've still got to endorse Romney, right?

They'll crucify me if I don't. Obama smiled and stroked Christie's cheek. It's fine. If you think right now I give a damn about presidential politics, then you don't know me. Christie beamed up at him. I knew you'd understand. This is about New Jersey, Chris. It's bigger than anyone's presidential politics, although I want it to be on the record that it was you, not me, who brought the subject up Obama kissed the tip of Christy's nose Aww Aww What a great couple I shouldn't hug you at the airport either, thinking about it, Christy said sadly

Nuh-uh Handshakes, yes Bro hugs, no So I should give you this last one for the road before we get out of there. Christy knew they'd both get many more hugs that day, but he made this one count anyway. Scene change! Obama residence.

How was it, honey? Terrible. Worse than you can imagine. But they're going to be okay. Whatever you think of Christy, he's been incredible on this. He thinks the same about you. If the boardwalks haven't been blown away, I'd think he'd have taken you down there for sausage and peppers and, oh my god, Barack, you're blushing. You old dog. Really? Yep, seems like there's more than one reason why Bush called him big boy.

You're sure you're not mad? Nuh-uh. Campaign trail rules, remember? Like Bill Jojo, it ain't really gay while Ohio's in play. USA! USA! USA! USA! Frank West! Alright. Remember about, I don't know, 10, 15 minutes ago where I was like, you're going to remember this night?

I'm not wrong, am I? Coming up next to the stage is a man who I've welcomed into my home and regretted it. His name is Jack Chick. Jack Chick, I know, is covering one of the typical fan fiction topics. You know, the fan fiction is usually about, like, maybe it's about Sonic, or, you know, maybe it's about, um, the band Cradle of Filth. Jack, check! All right, so, uh, this is interminably long, and I'm just gonna get started. Cassandra was driving carefully to see her beloved band, Cradle of Filth, in concert. She had the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack on because she was just in the mood right now for instrumental music, all goffed up, as she would call it. You know, the chains, black eye makeup, black lipstick, black cradle shirt, fishnets on her arms, clunky boots, spotted hot topic, and of course, big baggy pants.

She stopped at an intersection going to turn to the road that would lead her to the parking lot. It was getting dark and suddenly a car speeding and swerving came head on. Her on the driver's side, all Cassandra heard was the squealing tires and the busting glass. Her world went black very quick. Sorry it's too short, guys, but this is my first fic. I will put a new one on, so please review it if it's needed.

And now to steal a phrase from somebody much better at this than me. Scene change. She looked up. Sure enough, it was the actor that played Norrington. Commodore Norrington? Cassandra played along. Yes, and who in the blazes are you?

My name is Cassandra Leone. I was in a car wreck. I'm badly hurt. Please, I need to see the on-set doctor or the director. I'm sorry if I'm intruding on the set. Woman, you are speaking in tongues. There is no such thing as a car. I haven't the slightest idea about this director you are talking about.

Now I'm a little busy dealing with the attack on Port Royal, so please kill me with truth or you're going to find yourself in a hard predicament. Norrington, sorry this quote continues. Norrington cut her off. What a dick. An ellipsis.

Cassandra was fumed that her cut her off and frightened that this wasn't a dream or the set. I am telling the bloody truth, she said, pleading into frustration. As she was saying this, Norrington was eyeing her. Her clothing, her makeup, her face was even whiter than the whores around here and all the ghastly chains and spikes and other metals hanging off her.

She was not of this world. Only he could think of was that she was a witch maybe, and that was freighting him and the others. He decided her fate, the pirates and witches alike share. A short drop and a sudden stop, he sneered. Gillette? He called on for his men. Yes, sir.

She seemed to come out of nowhere. Clap her in irons and take her to the jail. She will be a date, if you say, for Mr. Sparrow at the gallows tomorrow. Ellipsis. Cassandra's eyes widened. Sparrow? You mean Captain Jack Sparrow? Johnny Depp Sparrow?

Cassandra was said surprised at the name and then winced as the irons were put on her. Cass couldn't help but to laugh. I'm as real as you are, Captain Ellipsis. Jack eyed her again. He was intrigued by her, her clothes, her makeup. Where are you from, missy? If I told you, you wouldn't believe me. Besides, if you did, it's a long story. Uh, then some shit happens.

Cass then heard the other pirates telling Jack the stories of the pearl, but she was rummaging through her many pockets. Ah, she found what it was she was looking for, her knife with Egyptian hieroglyphics carved on it. She flipped it open. Lucky the red coat didn't check her for stuff. They were so nervous. So at this point, I should state, by the way, that I did miss

end of chapter two in which there's a preview for all the hot vampy sex that is coming. You don't get any of that. Oh! Hey, Jack, are you all right? Jack turned around and jumped a little when he saw Cassandra right at his door. I'm fine. Now that he got a closer look at the girl, he took in her features. Long, raven hair with crimson streaks in it. Green eyes, a ring in the left side of her nose and in the middle of her lip ellipses interesting

he thought look i'm going to try to get you out of here cast she knew she shouldn't and let things take the course with jack will and elizabeth but she had to try she couldn't just leave him she said without even looking up from her task. Jack smirked at her boldness. He couldn't help but to be curious about this woman that now befriended him. That kind of kindness was hard to come by in this era. Scene change. Author's note. Holds up a signed restraining order from Johnny Depp. Hey, at least I got his autograph. No, I still don't own Pirates of the Caribbean. Ellipsis, damn ellipsis. Okay, this is the fic where the title comes into play. Now, my vampires here have two sets of fangs, the ones before the canines and the canines themselves.

The canines lengthen on will. They can fly around and scale up buildings and et cetera. They hate crosses and a stake through the heart will kill anybody, you morons. Just kidding. They can also change into any animal they want, but it's always black. Werewolves, eh, full moon, silver, most of them, whatever. Ta! A hand rested gently on his shoulder. Noche, don't. She's a different. I read her mind. Cassandra raised and eyebrow still pointing at the cutlass the vampire named Noche looking at the werewolf eyeing Verakai again where the other one was she had no idea. Exactly Sombra said a bit wide-eyed at the extent of Cassandra's knowledge. Of course Cass knew a lot about vampires and liked them what stereotypical goth didn't. She then studied Sombra, and she held herself regally

and wore a simple red-crushed velvet v-neck dress with bellowing sleeves. And she hid half of her face with her waist-left brown wavy hair, etc. Okay, so Cass and Noche are going to try and save Cassandra's life now. Noche then laughed at the surprise looked on poor Cass's face. Ha, don't worry, love, I'm not going to. Why is that, Cass asked. I did want you, though, because you knew so much about us. But Sombra told me when she read your mind and well I dashed,

he ran his fingers through his long hair and shyly looked down. You thought I would be better company alive? Cassandra asked in a chuckle as she was sure she saw the vampire blush. If vampires did blush, ellipsis, quotation mark. Well, yes, pretty much, comma, quotation mark. He looked up, mischief twinkling in his eyes. Well, here we are, Noche stopped it, reached out his arm to gesture where they were at a cliff overlooking the sea. Cassandra's jaw dropped.

It was beautiful, ellipsis. I knew you would like it. He came up to Cassandra's back and let her lean into him. Cassandra knew he wouldn't hurt her. Noche suddenly felt Cass go rigid and start shaking uncontrollably. Cass, what's wrong? He turned to face him and her eyes were rolled back. All of the sudden, blood was coming from her nose.

Noche's mind called Sombra for help. He laid her down gently, but she started thrashing about. Noche put his full weight on her so he could contain her shaking. He saw some foam coming out from the corner of her mouth. Sombra came in, pushed Cass down, and put a piece of cloth in Cass' mouth and let her continue, all ignoring Noche's feelings. She's having a seizure, Noche! Help me put weight on her until she calms!

Noche did, and they waited for what seemed like forever. She stopped Cass, looked up at Sombra and Noche, and saw their worried faces. Cass? What in the underworld was that? So then some hot vampy sex happens, and we're just going to skip over that. It's a G-rated podcast, didn't you know? It was only a couple of minutes and Sombra was back. She helped with the shirt and pants.

The shirt was comfy silk and black with kind of puffy sleeves, but not like the one Jerry wore on Seinfeld. Noche leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek, staying there for a moment, fighting the natural vampiric urge he felt. He could hear her heartbeat. It wasn't real steady. Hear her pulse unsteady also.

Her breath was ragged, as it has been for a while, the poor girl. It's very fine, I don't mind. No idea who said that. As Cassandra ate, Jack came into her mind again. Great, she was in a triangle within herself, Noche, Jack, and herself. So, anyways, some more bullshit happens. And, uh, yeah. So we're just going to skip ahead to after Cassandra has been embraced.

By the way, I should say that she refers to Noche and Sombra after she's raised as her brother and sister. That's why we're not reading the sex, folks. First lesson, you have the ability to fly. Use it to your advantage. They went to the window and opened it. Okay, but how do I do that? Contrary to what many believe, vampires do have a humorous and mischief side, and it was an opportune moment for something like that, and the siblings like to have their fun sometimes,

and since Cassandra wasn't a frail, suffering human anymore, they looked at each other, smiled, showing their two sets of fangs, and pushed poor cats out the window. A string of profanities were heard until they stopped and Noche and Sombra laughed hysterically, for they knew what happened. Her vampiric instincts and senses kicked in,

and rather pissed-off Cassandra came rising in front of them, her red eyes glowing, and she knew it. That was not funny! Noche was the first to calm himself. My dear, it was only the way you would learn it. It is much harder to describe how to fly Sombra and I had to figure it out for ourselves. We did this to other vampires we made. Cassandra raised a surprised eyebrow. You made others before me? Yes, of course. Like we have told you, we have been around for a very long time. Where are they now? That question seemed to have rubbed Sombra the wrong way.

She looked away. It's not important right now. Let's go to the woods. Hey, wait a darn minute. I think I have a right to know more about this stuff because I will be staying with you guys for a while and I have this connection or bond with you forever. I think I deserve to know a few things here.

Cassandra then wished she had thought before she had asked. She was always prone to do that. I guess that will never change. For Sombra's eyes were red with anger. She latched Cassandra up against a wall, Cass getting defensive, stood right up to Sombra, her vampiric defenses kicking in. You want to know what happened to you?

Some are okay in other lands. One girl I rescued from an abusive home. Turned her, took her in as a sister like you when she was caught by men of the church one day minding her own business that many times so she couldn't defend herself. Probably tortured and raped by men of God. She married his path award. She was then tied to a pole and bled almost dry in the Times Square

and then burned alive when the sun rose. Another girl was... Fuck it. Check! Chick! Can you believe that it only took two readings for somebody to just throw down their script and yell, fuck it? What happened to Coloneladle of Filth? Don't worry,

this shirt gets washed. Coming up next to the stage is a man that you've probably heard on your podcast. And in my life, I would say that probably a dozen times someone has come up to me and asked, Is Stog real?

The answer is yes, goddammit. Stog is real! Stog is alive! Stog is very weird! Party, party, party, party, party, party, party. All right, goddammit. Here comes Stog. I have a question for you guys.

Do you like dragons? Yeah. Do you like Sonic the Hedgehog? Yeah. Do you like Ad? Yes! Do you like Sonic the Hedgehog? Yes! Do you like Adolf fucking Hitler? Yes! Well, prepare to cry into your beers, because here comes Sonic the Hedgehog, World War II dragon.

Wow, said Tails. We are at school. Tails being the smartest was right. Sonic entailed that all the else people in their class were in class at school, and it was history class. Okay, here is your big project, said Mr. Learning. You are all going to do a project about World War II. It is due on Monday when the weekend is over. It is really important and the biggest thing you will do. If you fail this project, you will have to go to a different high school. Oh, and also you have to do this project with another person, said Mr. Learning to the class, his class. Sonic and Tails looked right at each other with the biggest eyeballs

and did a strong high five. Cool, said Sonic to Tails. With you, I will never fail this project. We have avoided the conflict and our destiny is sealed. Okay, but I want to do something that is better than everyone else. You know how I am when it comes to school, screamed Tails to Sonic. There was so much hubbub in the classroom, it was like being in an ocean of little boys. Yep. Oh, an ocean of little boys.

Ah! Okay! shouted Sonic to Tails in that old Sonic way. Sonic and Tails got up out of the classroom and went into the hallway, and then into a different hallway, and then out of the school and went to Tails' house. Okay, here is my idea, said Tails to Sonic, who was now in Tails' room. Here is a

time machine that I invented we're going to use to go back in time and stop World War II from ever happening so that we have the best grid ever. And everyone else fails because World War II will not have happened and they'll be doing projects about fake things. Okay. Set tails. This is how the time machine works. I have to use the control thing here.

You have to go into the time machine and go stop World War II. the control thing here you have to go into the time machine and go stop world war ii i can talk to you and use the time machine on you from here so don't worry you mess things up big time because i can get you out cool said sonic but how do i stop world war ii from happening said sonic making a face that was confused like an ostrich at a new zoo looking for his food when all the other ostriches leave to go eat, but he doesn't know where to go. Well, I blew a sleet. You have to kill Rudolph Hitler, shouted Tails.

Now get in the time machine! The time machine looked like a big gray thing with parts. Sonic looked surprising, but Tails pushed him into the time machine. Here we go! shouted Tails. I'm sending you two before World War II. Sonic felt like he was in a bathtub filled with yogurt. And then before he knew it, he popped out of the time machine and suddenly he was in Germany. You are in Germany, said Tails to Sonic with his time machine technology.

I don't know what to do! What am I doing? Oh, how do I kill Hitler? Shouted Sonic out loud to Tails. But uh oh, it looks like Sonic shouldn't have done that because then the Nazis, not Nazis, Nazis came for Sonic. Uh, that blue team is thinking about killing Hitler. Get him and put him in jail.

The Nazi army people came over and grabbed Sonic on the arms. Hey! Let go of me! Let go! Tails! The Nazis are taking me away! Help! Help!

Screamed Sonic like a wild ass. What? How'd you mess up already? Well, okay, I have to put you in another time zone for a while before I can bring you back to Germany. Here we go! Said Tails with his speaker. Tails hit some buttons and did a variety of smart things. And then Sonic disappeared in a flash of light and appeared in ancient Egypt. You are in ancient Egypt now, Sonic! I am not! I am still in my house using the time

machine! You're the burden sometimes! Sonic was in ancient Egypt and said, Well, I guess I can just have fun here for a while while I wait to go back to ancient Germany! I can just have fun here for a while while I wait to go back to ancient Germany. Sonic saw a mermaid and went inside it. So Sonic meets King Tut, spelled T-U-N-T. King Tunt. And they both become fans of each other, which leads to this. King Tunt. And they both become fans of each other,

which leads to this. King Tunt pointed at a picture at the wall. It was a big picture of a dragon with spikes coming out the back of his head. You are one of the legendary hedgehogs who can become a dragon using your cool powers. What? A dragon? said Sonic to King Tunt. Yeah, if you just try it it should happen. Said King Tunt looking at

Sonic weird. But maybe it is because someone in your family line of hedgehogs isn't cool enough. Every hedgehog in the family line has to be cool or awesome or an expert for it to work. Well, well it's not me, said Sonic, and put on a pair of sunglasses that we always kept in his backpack hat in this story. See, I am cool, Sonic smiled so big, using teeth. Well, sorry, it looks like someone else in your family history is a loser, so you can't be a dragon now.

Said King Tunt to Sonic before calling his guards and pushing him out the door. Sonic was now outside. Hey, Tails! Said Sonic to Tails. Can you look up my family history and figure out who isn't cool enough for me to be a dragon? I never knew I could become a dragon, but I think that is how we can defeat Hit-Leg. Hit-Leg. Tails typed fast. So fast. Faster than the fastest car you have ever seen or can even think of. Hey, Sonic, I think I found the answer. I'm going to send you to the person now.

This person is also in World War II. Make him cool. I hope it's not Hitler. Sonic also hoped it was not Hitler because then he would be related to him and would have to go to jail. He was now outside the house. Okay, my family member must be in this house. Sonic went inside and looked around, but he did not find anyone. He looked in all the rooms he could find. What is this, a joke? I'm so pissed at this! I want to be a dragon!

Said Sonic out loud to himself, but outside of his head. Then he heard something. Hello? Is someone down there? Hello? Said a voice coming from the floor above him. Yeah, it's me, Sonic the Hedgehog!

You might have heard of me, said Sonic, laughing and smiling because he now knows he is famous enough to be known by King Tunt. Who's in history books? Oh, come on, said the voice. Sonic went up there and saw a girl. She looked sad. Hey, who are you?

said Sonic to the girl who was standing there. I'm Aunt Frank. And Lemon just walked out of the building, everybody. Good night, everybody. Good night. I hope everyone drives home safe. Thank you for listening to our podcast. Okay.

Lemon's back. We can continue. I'm Anne Frank, said the girl, who was actually Aunt Frank. This is going to sound crazy, but I'm related to you. I am here to help you. You're not cool enough, said Sonic. Sonic bounced up and down on the wooden floor and it made creaky sounds. They were in an attic.

Really? said Anne Frank. Now she looked even sadder. She was living here all by herself in this attic. Yeah, no wonder you're not cool. You're living up here in an attic, said Sonic to Anne Frank. But I'm scared of the Nazis, said Anne Frank, almost ready to cry. She was so sad.

You have to face your fears, said Sonic to Anne Frank. You cannot just hide up here in this attic all the time waiting for something good to happen. You have to go and do it yourself. Show the world who you really are. Wow. I get it now, said

Anne Frank. I'm too busy being afraid of the Nazis. I need to face my fears and leave this attic. I am not just Anne Frank. I am Anne Frank the Hedgehog! And then she took off her headband and big hedgehog spikes came out the back of her head. Yeah! That's it. There are so many things you can do

that you can do if you're not just not afraid. You can go to Applebee's and use... and use deep social media and buy an Xbox and even have penis blissful vagina sex just like me and Amy. and buy an Xbox and even have penis blissful vagina sex, just like me and Amy. Said Sonic to Anne Frank, winking.

Wow, I did not know about this whole new world of possibilities. I am going to start right now by leaving this attic, said Anne Frank to Sonic. Thank you. Thank you for showing me that I should not be afraid of the Nazis. I am going to go to the mall, said Anne Frank. You're the worst, Sonic. You're the worst. I'm always the worst, Sonic! You're the worst! I'm always the worst! With that, Sonic left the house and went outside and said,

Mission complete! to Tails from his technology gadget. Okay, now we have to get you to Antler's Castle. It is super defensive, I just can't get you into it just by the time machine, said Tails to Sonic in a thinking way. Hitler was the president of Germany, so they had to be really careful and think of a good plan.

Oh, maybe you can disqueez as a pizza delivery man and then sneak into Hitler's room. No, Tails, no, that will not work, said Sonic. You are forgetting, pizza was not invented yet in World War II. Damn! Fuck! Pizza! said Tails to Sonic. I have a plan, just get me to outside Hitler's castle and I will do the rest. Use the time machine now!

They had to go back before World War II started because Anne Frank was during World War II and so they wanted to stop World War II from happening so they had to go back before it happened. Tails his buttons and Sonic just went out to a different time with a sound like whoop. Thanks, Stog! Stog! The myth, the legend, the man? Stog! Fucking, how is that

like if you were to like, If you were to draw that story on musical notation where it hits and then you got a peak and then you're like, oh no, that's the new peak. Oh no, that's the new... Oh, the fucking Anne Frank? Are you serious?

Oh my God. Thanks. One more time for Stog, please. One more time for Stog. Jesus Christ. One more time for Stog, please. One more time for Stog. Jesus Christ. We are going to take a break, but before we do that,

before we do that, I have something special for you. Now, we have, in addition to a cavalcade of terrible readings of, well, no, terrific readings of terrible fan fiction, I forgot how the slogan works. In addition to that, we have a couple playlets as well as some remote pieces, one of which is from Adam Bozarth. But first, I want to bring you a scene called Friday the 13th, Part 11, Jason Voorhees.

The subtitle is Jason Voorhees. The subtitle is Jason Voorhees. I will be playing the part of the Navigator. Playing the part of Elias, we have Frank West. Playing the part of Tommy, we have... Who the fuck did I make Tommy?

I'm a Boots! Boots is Tommy! Boots! Playing the part of Amy, we have Bump Girl. And most importantly, playing the role of Jason, Chris Collision! our scene begins with Tommy holding the gun at Jason hey Jason long time no see

you just couldn't stay at the bottom of the lake huh just had to come back to Rackmore Lives and for what? Huh? What reason why, Jason? Do this. Jason stands as a tower of power.

He hears possessive Tommy. He tilts possessive. They are all possessives. I'm going to skip over that, but every time there's a word that ends in the letter S, just know that it's possessive. He tilts his head to the left side, then back. He begins to step one at a time down the stairs. Tommy starts to back up. He fires a gunshot at Jason, hitting the mighty killer in the chest, but Jason does not stop. It was as if he never hit Jason at all. Tommy then aims for the heads,

fires again at shooting Jason in the head. The bullets hit Jason's and the stops with the head tilted back, and then he looks back at Tommy and takes another step. Shit. Shit. Shit. Jason is getting closer and Tommy can't seem to stop him

from behind Jason we see Elias rise up smiling what a great Father and Son day! Ha ha! Tommy sees he has no chance. Here he takes off running with Jason right on his tail. Elias laughs and turns to enter the cabin where the door used to be till Jason smashed it out. He enters and looks up to see... Elias. Hem, I didn't know this place had a back door, Amy.

We spin around Elias to see Amy standing in front of him holding a high power rifle. Sit down, you piece of shit. you piece of shit. Elias holds his hands up and moves to the sofa where Amy and her friends have sat early. He sits down and watch Amy with a cold gaze. Amy does not take the gun off him as she walks facing him. You sick fuck. What is your problem? Why did you do all this? I had to after my boy was brought back. I found out I could turn him human again by having him kill Tommy. I had to do it, all of it, like leaving the book out at the...

Or his own, to keep Tommy alive. And also, finding Tommy... Finding Tommy Jarvis. What? Ah, yes. I have been looking for Tommy all along, but I did not know what he looked like. I'm so sorry! You see, but that night at the graveyard, and as luck would have it, I was there, and I found him, and he told me the whole story

of how Jason killed his family. Boo hoo, he killed my son. No! After Jason killed his friends and family, you freak. You know nothing. My boy should not have died that night as... Wait, hold on. Let me take a really deep breath here.

You know nothing. My boy should not have died that night, but he did, by a little boy. But something wonderful happened at the gravesite. My son Jason Voorhees was brought back to this world of the living, and now he can see prevent. I have wanted him for so long. Cut to inside outside the cabin.

We see Tommy run in and close the doors, bench, and are lined up, and down in rows is the cabin where all the kids eat and where jason's mother works so many years ago as the cook tommy runs up looking for something he can use to help fight jason but he can find nothing he opens the back door it leads to a woodshed. Tommy runs in and finds an axe and grabs it and runs back inside. No, Jason, nothing, no sound at all. Okay, Jason, come on.

You want to fallow me to the lake? Let's end this once and for all. Tommy runs out the back door again. And down to the lake, we cut back inside to the cabin, and we see muddy footsteps leading out the front door, cut to back inside the main cabin. We see Elias still being held at gunpoint by Amy, who is now sitting in front of him on a chair.

So, my dear. Don't call me that. With an evil smile. Why not say it? Because you are very pretty and strong. What happened to you, Amy? Hem. What's it that shocked you was?

A long time ago, someone killed my family, my mother, my father, my sister, all of them. I got away, but so did this man who has not been seen for five years now. I was left with no one. I was rowing up on the streets until a man took me into his family with his wife. They raised me. I moved away, going from town to town, till I came here thinking I could get my life going. I never wanted to go back to that. I do him again. Elias is...

Elias' face becomes blank in wonder. He finds so much pain in what Amy is saying and he wonders who this man is? Question mark, period, period, period, period, period, period, period. What is his name? Huh? His name, the man who did this to you, what is his name?

His name, uh man who did this to you, what is his name? His name, uh, it's, it's... Boom! A hue clap of thunder and lightning. Now a storm is lightning up into the sky in the flash. Elias's head turned, and he sees Tommy running to the dock. And Jason right behind him, and he sees Tommy running to the dock and Jason right behind him and he gets to his feet. Amy pulls the gun and cock. It Elias looks her right in the eye then back to the dock to the flash of the lightning.

Gone now Elias moves for the door. Stop right there! But Elias does not listen. He keeps going for the door. Amy keeps yelling to him to stop. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I can't hear you. He's yelling to stop.

But it's like Elias is on another planet. He gets to the hole in the cabin. Leading out, he turns to face Amy. I must go to the dock. Jason must kill Tommy. You're crazy. You're not going to help Jason. I'm calling the police, and you're going to jail. Elias's face turns to on, of, and off of rage and anger. He thinks to himself, how can he get to the dock? And then Amy makes a mistake.

She takes her eye off him for a second and Alaya races out of the hole. He's gone running off to the dock. So Amy puts the phone back in her pocket and rushes to the dock as well. But she gets out of the cabin and is hit on the head. He was waiting for her. He takes the gun, and Jason takes a nap, and runs for the dock, and Amy lays on the deck. Out cold, Elias makes his way to just before the dock. He sees Tommy holding the axe. He sees Jason making his way to the edge. Ha-ha!

And now it's time to end this little day at the lake. Ha-ha-ha! Cut to duck. We see Tommy standing on the edge holding his axe. Jason is now in plain sight, making his... Oh, he is in planned sight. He is in the sight of plans, making his way to Tommy. Tommy backs up. Nowhere to go now.

Shit. Hold on, hold on. Huh? Tommy looks down in a boat beside him. He sees a can of gas. He bends down, picks it up, is now on the dock, standing, not moving, watching Tommy.

Okay, Jason. Last time we met, I wanted to burn you. Now I give him a chance. Tommy opens up the gas can and dumps it all over the dock. He then throws it at Jason. The splash of gas goes all over Jason. Tommy pulls out the lighter and flicks it. Time to go to hell, Jason.

He's already stuck. Huh? Elias? Jason. Woo! Woo! Woo! Stop! Oh. For all this. We spin around the back of Tommy to see Elias is holding Amy at gunpoint. Do it, Tommy, for a motherfucker! What? Go ahead, Tommy, do it. Then her death will be on your hands.

Tommy stops. He knows he can burn Jason here and now, but if he does, Amy dies. Jason begins to move forward at Tommy. Tommy thinks fast. He tosses the lighter aside in the boat. He tightens his grip on the axe. Jason, now with his arms, reached his machete, but Tommy thinks fast. He drives the ax into Jason's ribs, just under the arm, Jason's arm. Drops as does the blade. Tommy grabs it quick, but Jason is ready. Pulls free the ax, Tommy. Looks in time for Jason to cut his chest.

With it, Tommy falls. Uh... Tommy! Tommy crawls back, falling into the boat with the machete and swipes Jason's leg, but Jason does nothing. He rises the axe. Elias looks on ready to watch, makes the kill. Amy thinks fast and elbows Elias in the gut. He drops the gun. She turns and kicks him in the nuts. Elias in great pain. Oh, you bitch.

Amy picks up the gun and fires at Jason. Boom! The gunshots sparky ears of the gas and lights up the dock. The gas can itself catches fire and explodes. The blast flips the boat Tommy is in, sending him underwater, and Jason is sent flying into the water hard. No! He gets to his feet

and rushes Amy, getting her down on the ground. He pins her and the gun is tossed aside. You bitch! I was going to let you live, but now you die. Ah! No! Ah! Parentheses, click parentheses. The sound of a gun being cocked

is heard. Amy stops fighting Elias to look up and see a soaking wet Tommy holding the gun. He gets up off Amy and stands up to his hands in the air. Amy gets up off Amy and stands up to his hands in the air. Amy gets up and stands beside Tommy. You son of a bitch.

You're done. Elias looks at them both with an evil stare. What are you going to do? Kill me, Tommy, huh? I should blow your brains out right here. But I think that's too good for you. I don't. Amy grabs the gun from Tommy, but Tommy pulls it back. Elias takes this second to run,

and he makes his way to the woods near the shoreline of the lake. Tommy gets the gun free from Amy. He turns to see Elias standing at the edge of the lake tommy gets the gun free from amy he turns to see elias standing at the edge of the lake tommy and amy run after him they get to him tommy is pointing the gun right at elias's head ha ha you think you killed him you think you killed my boy he's gone again lying at the bottom of the lake. Yeah, he has to be dead. And scene! That was the not ready to hold a full time job players.

Who's drank your bump girl? Frank West, Chris Collision. We got more sketches, we got more fun, and you fucking better believe the bar has a lot more beer. We're going to have a very quick break. Come on back with us. This is the F Plus Live. Thank you.