The F Plus - live7a: F Plus Live 7 | Seattle, I Guess | Part 1

Episode Date: November 17, 2018

It took us until our seventh F Plus Live to figure out that we could do it somewhere other than Minneapolis, and that we could do it in a theatre! We're so excited about the idea that we start things off with a musical number, before moving right in to reading crap! 2 Wrongs Don't Make A Right (A Christian Puppet Play) Ghost Stores from true-ghost-stories.com I Don't Need That Junk (A Christian Puppet Play) 7 Poems from nwanime.tv Halloween Honesty (A Christian Puppet Play) A question from Quora about Harry Potter and atheism And this is only the first half of the experience: Part 2 is here.

Hello, Internet. Hello! There's a lot of beautiful faces here. My name is Boots Reingear. We're not actually starting yet. Lemon's just getting a little prepped up for it. But I figured I'd come out here, I'd start telling a little story.

What are you doing? It's fine, it's fine. Just hold on a second. I just want to tell you a bit of a story about how we decided to do a show in Seattle, because I'm very excited to be here. This is a lovely city, even when it's pouring rain.

So Jimmy Franks sent out an email early in the summer and said, Hey guys, I got an idea. Why don't we do a show in Seattle? Then Lemmy replied to the email, and he said, Yeah, I think that's a pretty an idea. Why don't we do a show in Seattle? Then Lemmy replied to the email, and he said, yeah, I think that's a pretty good idea. Then, I don't know,

maybe like 10 minutes later, Achilles Heeles was like, yeah, I think that's also a good idea. I'd like to do that as well. Boots, don't tell the story about the email. No, it's fine. I've got the whole thing on my phone. No, it's not interesting.

No, it's really good And then like 23 minutes later Kumquat was like yeah I'm down for that And uh Let's see It was like a few hours after that And then

Jimmy Franks was like yeah I think I think I can find a place to do this. Stop it. No. Jack Check was down at about 9 p.m. You know we only have three hours of battery, right? Boots, we agreed on an idea for the opening of the show. What?

You pitched this idea and it wasn't good. Oh, wait. Did we agree on the other idea? Start the fucking song! And then I said... See, out of where the rain comes washing down the streets. Where I made a wish and caught a fish. Now my jacket smells like rotting meat.

C. Addle every night my honey lemon me. Drink a PBR At a shitty bar Till this whole town's swallowed by the sea We know we belong on a stage And Seattle will do fine today And when we dress In flannel all depressed

We're only saying you'll do for now. Seattle, Seattle, I guess. Seattle, there are things that is washing down the street. Where I made a wish and caught a fish. Now my jacket smells like rotting meat. See, I know every night my honey, lamb, and meat drinks some GBR in a shitty bar till this whole town's swallowed by the sea.

We know we belong on the stage. And Seattle should do fine today. And when we turn, when we turn, when we turn, when we turn, we're only saying go do our now Seattle, Seattle, I guess Space Needle, Space Needle, Space Needle Space Needle, Space Needle, Space Needle Space Needle, Space Needle, Space Needle

Space Needle, Space Needle, Space Needle We belong on stage. Seattle to Dubai today. We'll be dressed. And we plan to walk in rest. We're only saying yo new for now. Seattle, Seattle. I bet what life is starting now.

Seattle! I guess. Fuck the goddamn Seahawks! F Plus Live begins now. And gentlemen, we've been doing this for a couple of years. We've been doing this

a couple of years now. And I've had a little bit of a change of heart. And I've had a little bit of thoughts that I've had in myself. You know, I don't know if any of you have heard

the previous recording, but there was a thing that happened in the previous recording where we intentionally summoned Satan. And I felt sort of difficult. I felt

bothered by that. I felt like that was a thing that I wanted to fix. And so I thought that this night right here that we can share together will be a nice, lovely, wholesome show in which we will, and I believe I am coining a phrase at this moment, praise him. Jack, Jack, do you like to praise him? Oh, do I?

All right. So we're going to start things off with probably the most important thing that we can do right now, which is a Christian puppet show. Now, you're going to see some of these puppet shows, and what you need to know in this moment, before you ask me the question, Lemon, where are your puppets? These are my fucking puppets.

That's right. Hail Satan, motherfuckers. He's got us all dancing on strings. Excellent. All right, so this is a story called Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right. It's by the Duke of Devotion. And we're going to start things off. Now, this story, of course, takes place like all good stories do in church. Why wouldn't it?

So as your children's church leader. Hey, have any of you seen Jokey or Sassafras? They are both late for church Oh, when will I get a break? What happened to your eye, Jokey? Sassafras Why would she hit you? Well, I was doing what all boys should do just before church.

Protecting the world from girls that like to have tea parties by throwing mud bombs at them. I tagged Sassafras with the big mud bomb. Oh, Jokey, you didn't! Well, you should have seen Sassafras. She had her hair all braided and a new white dress and a little red bag. She was dripping with cooties i had to hit her with the mud bomb the only problem was instead of sassafras running off crying like i expected

she ran she ran at me and punched me square in the eye. My mom came flying out of the house. Yelling, Jokey, you are in so much trouble. You won't be out of the house until you are 18. Jokey, Jokey, Jokey. Worst part was that when Sassafras said she would never play with me again, never be my friend, and then ran off. First part was that when Sassafras said she would never play with me again, never be my friend, and then ran off. Poor Sassafras, that's not capitalized for some reason, was looking forward to coming to church today to show me that dress. Ugh.

Oh, that sounds gross. You know how people are always showing their pastors their dresses? Her grandmother had bought it for her, and she called me this morning telling me about her dress and how beautiful it was. Supernormal. Oh, boy. Gulpig is looking very sad. So then I come in, seeing Jokey, and I turn away, not wanting to look at him.

Pastor, I am sorry I could not show you my new dress, but a certain someone I will never speak to again destroyed it. Oh. I am sorry I could not show you my new dress, but a certain someone I will never speak to again destroyed it. Oh. Sassafras, I am sorry about this morning. Will you forgive me? I'm sorry, Pastor. I couldn't hear you over the noise in here.

Sometimes we do things that are very bad. Pastor, I've been pretty bad. And God will forgive us if we mean it. Oh, Pastor, that was a little close. If we ask for forgiveness, the problem

is that people have a hard time forgiving because they are hurt inside. Get writing. But I prayed to God about it and asked for forgiveness. I know I was wrong, but why do I still feel bad inside, and why won't she forgive me? We ask for forgiveness, and God does forgive. With God, if you mean it from your heart and ask for forgiveness, he does forgive.

He casts our sins away and never looks at them again, but it doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt inside. It's like a scar. A sexy scar. You mean like the one I got from playing with my dad's fishing knife and I had to get ten stitches?

Yes, Jokey. Just like that scar. So, what about it? You see, bad things that we do in life or have been done to us leave scars on our feelings. If we don't

forgive the scar, it can't heal. Scars start out pretty big, but over time Oh, this is fucking science here. Scars start out pretty big, but over time they do get smaller. Like, yep. But they always

are there. The devil doesn't want us to heal and tries to make us bitter and angry and not to forgive. Are you saying the devil uses our hurt feelings? Yes, but we should always remember that Jesus said, If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15, but if they do not forgive men their sins,

your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6, 14 to 15. Jesus was always saying those things. I'm now crying angrily. I noticed. I noticed. I know. But he was so wrong.

Jokey, you were very wrong in what you did to Sassafras. But Sassafras, you were just as wrong as he is if you can't forgive. I'm pretty... I'm... I'm... I'm...

You know, I'm surprisingly okay with that, really. I mean, did you see the dress pastor? Yeah. Jokey, I am surprisingly okay with that, really. I mean, did you see the dress, Pastor? Yeah. Jokey, I am sorry. I forgive you. I am just so upset. I love that dress crying.

Well, I am sorry, Sassafras. They both walk off together. All right. Okay, so how do we feel? Do we feel spiritually pure? Do we feel morally pure? Fantastic. Kind of is good.

So that means that that is mine. That means that it is time for some ghost stories. So we're going to read some ghost stories from true-ghost-stories.com. Trueghoststories.com. Fuck! Realghoststories.com. Fuck! RealGhostStories.com Fuck! This story is titled What Happened in the Woods That Night What Happened in the Woods That Night

My name's Tom in Illinois titled What Happened in the Woods That Night? My name's Tom in Illinois. In an area where the famous Woodlawn Cemetery currently is, a circus train wreck occurred many years ago. The bodies were so badly mangled that the animals were buried with the humans. On some nights you can hear calliope music and the sounds of elephants roaring. There was also a devil's hill, which was a huge hill located in between the back of the cemetery where the barely used railroad tracks

you know what a devil's hill is according to urban legend if you climb to the top of the hill you are invisible to the human eye from below what happened in this area happened when I was 19 years old. I was there with my friend Dennis, his girlfriend, another couple, and a girl I'd been trying to go out with for a while. Just for the record, there was no drinking or otherwise taking place before or during any of this happening. This girl, I know, this girl I had been trying to go out with and I had sort of wandered away from our friends and went off a little bit into the woods to talk. Part of the woods we were in was pretty off a well-traveled road,

but being a suburb, there wasn't really a lot of light out there at the time. It was about 7 in the evening, and the sun was beginning to set. And there was a little wading creek where this girl and I were sitting, and after a few minutes of talking, I got an eerie sensation hanging over me. I looked up, and I saw what looked like blurred movements of things running between the trees, and all of a sudden, a thinly veiled fog started moving across the lake.

Y'all ever see that? Seattle? Seattle? I got the sense of pure evil come over me. And we took off to where our friends were, and my friend Dennis' girlfriend told me, thank God you're back. We've been seeing shadows running through the trees for the last few minutes, and we were getting worried.

seeing shadows running through the trees for the last few minutes and we were getting worried at this point the sun was just barely a silhouette against the sun was just barely a silhouette against the sky as i turned to look back at the woods the girl and i had just come from we saw dozens of lights coming from the woods, moving progressively towards us. At that moment, we took off running, never stopping to look back until we got to my friend's house. And it wasn't until

a week later that my friend's girlfriend, who was a sheriff for the police at the time, told us that the area was the site of an arrest for a satanic cult. What did we come across that night in the woods?

Was it an actual ceremony we disturbed? Or was it a ghostly remnant of something past? We may never know. So I got a story here called Ghosts Everywhere. Ghosts Everywhere. Ghosts Everywhere.

Ghosts. Big. You'll go so big. When I was a child of probably about four or five years of age, my family and I lived in this one particular haunted house. Every time that I go by the house, it seems like it always has a for sale sign on it.

And this is a min... imam. Imam. Of six months to a year in time I have five siblings And I am the middle child One night I remember very well None of the others wanted to play with me

So out of nowhere came this old man Wait, wait And he was see-through Wait, wait. And he was see-through. He would play hide and seek with me. A mother has also seen him in a rocking chair in her bedroom. I later found out who the old man was and that he died in that house. He had willed the house to his wife and children, but reasons unknown, they did not get the house.

A few years later, we moved into another house in the same city, and this time I did not see the ghost, but was told of a woman's spirit. She was seen by her mother and my older sister. Sorry, lighting. She was wearing old-fashioned curlers in her very long hair. Yes, old-fashioned curlers. She also wore what seemed to be a wedding gown or nightgown. It's either a very fancy sleep or a very scummy wedding. It was strange

it was strange that she only showed herself to my mother and my older sister not to me about a year later we moved from that house the next house we moved to wasn't so bad. The next house we moved to wasn't so bad. No one claimed to have seen or felt anything.

Then a few years later after that, my parents divorced and my dad remarried Three of my sibling and I moved into another house in the same city This place was full of ghosts Animals and people both died in that house I only lived there for less than a year And that was all I could handle There were slamming doors, sounds of the toilets being flushed

in late hours of the night and nobody being there. I even had my door bolted shut one night. Only to wake up the next day with the bolt broke and the door standing wide open. That scared me. I hated going down to the basement I found out later, after I had moved out of that house

That my dad found skeletons down there I swore that I would never go back to that house again As long as I lived To this day, I remember the address to all of these houses, and I try to stay clear of them if I can. But the first house, for some reason, keeps drawing me back. I don't know if it's because of the friendly ghost or what. This post is entitled Granny's Watching Over Me

by Mindy from Missouri. A female role. Well cast. I have a voice for this. Granny's Watching Over Me. My grandmother died about six months after my divorce Granny's watching over me. My grandmother died about six months after my divorce and on my son's fourth birthday. I was sitting on the phone talking to a friend

and out of the blue I made the comment to my friend about smelling my grandmother's perfume. I didn't put two and two together until my friend reminded me that a year ago to the date is when we had buried my grandmother. I have severe headaches, which end up with me having to go to the emergency room. A couple months after having smelled my grandmother's perfume, I started getting one of these headaches. I was waiting for my mother to pick me up and take me to the hospital. My boyfriend was there, and out of the blue

again. The TV came on and the tape, sitting in the VCR but not pushed into it, went in and started playing. It was Winnie the Pooh. And I loved Winnie when I was a child My boyfriend flipped out

And I told him it was my granny Trying to make me feel better I knew she was there so I did feel better I'm here to talk about Ouija boards. And my name is Sandy from Florida. When I was a teenager around the age of 16, I found a Ouija board at a yard sale and bought it for dollar 25 cents skeptical of the ouija i devised an experiment deemed a test if it were simply a matter of self-suggestion i was gonna ask what pet would die next and think to myself fish

we had several adult pet would die next and think to myself, fish. We had several adult... Stop it with your cackling, y'all. This is very serious. We had several adult pets, cats, dogs, and guinea pigs, which were not elderly and in very good health, but I had a tank of tropical fish, several of which were getting on in age and fish years.

I was trying to trick the board by seeing if it would give me the answer I was thinking, which would be a logical conclusion. I tried the Ouija board with my mother, a skeptic of all things supernatural. After setting it up, I asked my question. We put our fingertips on the planchette and waited. After five seconds of no response, Mom, tired of wasting her time, and decided that she was going to bed and left the room i put the board away and didn't think about it for a few days later that same week i was talking to a male friend of mine on the phone we were just talking about in sync and i was telling him about my

disbelief and my attempts at experimentation with the board i just told him the question i was going to ask it what pet would be the next to die i took i took a breath and told him and the answer i was looking for was dot dot dot when all of a sudden the books on the shelf behind me tipped over they knocked into a figurine and sent it to the floor where it shattered. The figurine was of a plastic fish. These books had never tipped over before and were securely in place. I had not seen them fall in such a manner since this time period, almost 13 years later. The timing of the fall was too eerie.

It was exactly the point where I would have said, fish. My friend said that he heard the noise and that I sounded stunned, though it was a long-distance call. I ended it immediately, went and got the Ouija board out of my closet and put it in the garage. I would not touch it again. My mother had to get rid of it without my knowledge because I so feared it. I think that was a warning for me.

I've taken Ouija boards seriously since then. If they do not channel the dead, then they certainly set up a psychological premise which I don't think should be tampered with. I feel a little like it's opening the doors to a stranger, either an earthbound period. This is called A House Full of Spirits. My mother and her six brothers and sisters were very sensitive to the paranormal. She told me stories

of when they were all little and lived in their grandmother's house. They all used to have experiences with a ghost or the clown! Oh no!

At the time, whoop who whoop at the time! One of her sisters would roll a ball under her bed and sometimes the ball would roll back out right then! And sometimes it would take a few days before it reappeared! Ball magic!

She also said the clown ghost would sit in the rocking chair in the room and rock back and forth just staring at them sometimes they would not see him but hear him laughing things weren't always bad around there my great-grandmother believes it has saved her when her house burned down. She fell asleep in the upstairs bedroom with a cigarette in her hand. When the fire department arrived, they found her outside on the ground, still asleep. Happened! This happened! I believe that!

Yes, because it's true! To this day, she has no idea how she got there. The house was a complete loss. Hello. I'm from Missouri. And my name's Boots.

How y'all doing? Oh, I'm sorry. My name's Heather, but y'all know how my lady voice sounds, so the hell with it. My name is Jedediah from Missouri. What's your story called? No. No. When my son Nick was two years old, I found out about N-E-A-M.

Norm? Yeah. I had just finished giving him a bath, wrapped a towel around him, and was leaving the bathroom. I was following behind him when he stopped dead in his tracks and began backing up into my legs. I asked him what was wrong, but didn't get any response. I then scooped him up and proceeded to our bedroom.

Shit, wait, nope. True-fuckstories.com Proceeded to our bedroom where I got him dressed and ready for bed. In the days following, my son said... In the days following, my son said that... Naomi was living in the water bedroom. My mother's room had a water bed in it. And this is the room that Nick said Norm had lived in.

Hang on now. I asked my son, Who is Neon? He proceeded to tell me that Niamh was the man that told him to say bad words. Wait, wait, that's not all now. To stick his fingers in the fan and, hang on just a goddamn minute here, to always, to always, always, wait for it, no, I can't even bear to say it, wear a hat backwards.

Lord have mercy. My son explained to me that Neem looked like a white cross with a face on the top of the cross and a spring at the bottom that he bounced on. So, typical Neem, I assumed that this info was just the active imagination of a very

spunky two-year-old. A two-year-old is our narrator. I feel bad about taking my shirt off. I soon found out differently. Ooh. I started to get the feeling of being watched and began hearing breathing in my ear whenever I was in the house.

Scene change. My son then informed me that Nyaom had started making his toys float to the ceiling. What? That's right. This has to be true. A two-year-old told it to me. Storm! No!

I was getting really scared at this point because I'm fucking stupid. On one occasion, I was scared enough to call my aunt, who happened to be a very religious woman. Oh, this is going to go well. The minute our connection on the telephone was made, and I started to

tell her what was going on, the phone went dead. Feeling sexy again. Needless to say, we spent the night at a friend's house that evening Well of course Duh

I ended up talking with a lady at a church now About our problem And she informed me that The devil was trying to take my baby Devil took my baby My mother ended up selling that home She lived at a church The devil took my baby. My mother ended up selling that home. She lived at a church?

All right. I have no doubt in my mind, and neither does my son. Of course, he's two years old. Again, three PhDs between the two of us. Something, something in there named Meow lived in that house. And Nom was not, not, I repeat, a very nice guy. All right. We got Kumquat's Opera up here We got Achilles Heelys up here Nope, nope, nope, nope

Look, look, look, look I hired like 20% of you as your talent There's something else I hired this man for I got three men on stage And F plus audience Right now I'm looking at you I'm looking at you And you to me look high

And you don't need that junk Whoops Yeah you don't need that junk. Whoops. Yeah, you don't need that junk. So I want to present to you a live creation of a puppet show, a Christian puppet show, to inform you that you don't need

that junk. Presenting the All for Christ acting troupe with our characters, two pretty girl puppets. Christina and Jennifer. Christina appears at the stage crying softly in one corner. Jennifer. Jennifer comes in a few moments later, singing a current song to herself, but stops when she sees Christina.

My music's so loud. I'm swangin'. They hopin' they gonna catch me Hey Christina are you okay? Sniffling through her tears I'm just fine Come on Christina what's up? Oh Jen you wouldn't understand

Well since I'm here anyway and I'm your best friend Do you want to try me? Okay then maybe you'll you want to try me? Okay, then. Maybe you'll be able to help me. Last night, well, last night, Brad dumped me. Burst into tears again, and Jennifer puts her arm around Christina. Or not. Oh, Christina, you poor thing. That's terrible. Or not Oh Christina

You poor thing That's terrible You two look so good together You are the perfect couple What happened Well it was our two week anniversary And I I really thought

Don't laugh This girl is hurting I really thought Things were going well you know but... Don't laugh. This girl is hurting. I really thought things were going well, you know, and then all of a sudden, that's it. All over. More tears. Oh! Boys are stupid!

Yeah, that's right! Stupid boys! Even Mark, he seems to treat you really well. Mark's fantastic. He's courteous and kind and thoughtful and... Remembering the point of the conversation. Okay, well, boys are stupid. Apart from Mark.

Yeah, I mean, what is Brad's problem? Exactly. What's not to like? You're pretty. You're smart. You're pretty. You're smart. You're funny. You've got great hair. And amazing eyes.

Has he found someone else? He'd be like totally stupid if he did. But was he cheating on you? I don't think so. So, has he got someone else he likes better now? No. I don't think so. Well, did he say why he had to break up with you so suddenly and right on your anniversary too?

Well, he was totally unfair. He said he wanted to break up because he wanted someone who's more sensible. How shallow is that? I'm sensible. He has some nerve. And he was horrible. He said I made a fool of him at the part last Saturday night. It was a great part.

It was a birthday part. Oh! It was a great part. It was a birthday part. Oh, Christina, he's just the lowest of the low. You poor thing, come here and give me a hug. The hug. Thanks, Jennifer. You're a great friend. Hey, hey! I'm here for you, Jennifer. You're a great friend. Hey, hey! I'm here for you, Christina.

Us girls have got to stick together, right? Right. Hashtag them too. I bet he was probably drunk. And is now embarrassed about something he did at the party. So he's using that as an excuse. Ha! What girl would go out with an alcoholic?

Let him go, Christina. You don't even drink. Pauses. Then sheepishly. Well, actually, Jennifer, I might have had a few drinks at the party what do you mean well about a week ago i was feeling really stressed with my homework and everything and i really needed something to calm me down. So I was over at Cordelia's house, and she said, drinking alcohol really helps you loosen up

and forget about all your problems. It's true. Preach! Well, since... Yeah! Well, since she's always really cool about everything, I decided to give it a go. One drink led to another and another and another. And then the next thing I remember is waking up with an awful headache lying on the floor.

Disappointed. Christina, I can't believe you. Don't you remember when we walking downtown and we saw all those alcoholics wandering around near the soup kitchen? You don't want to end up like that, do you? Come on, Jennifer. Look at me. Looks at her.

Jennifer, look at me. Looks at her? I'm hardly an alcoholic living on the street. I only have a few drinks now and again to help me loosen up and have a good time at parties. What's the harm in that? Well, what exactly did Brad say about what you were doing at the party? Oh, I don't know. Something about me getting off my face and kissing every boy in sight.

Ugh. But I don't remember anything like that happening. I think he's just making it up. Well, well, well. Well, well, well, well, that's part of the problem with alcohol. After you've had a few drinks, you can't remember what happened,

so there's no way of knowing what went on. Anything could have happened, including far worse things than just kissing some boys. And you probably wouldn't remember a thing. Christina remembers something. Oh, come on, Jen. Don't start on me. I really need a way to relax right now

and I thought you'd understand and help me. Don't give me lectures about all that stuff. I don't want to know. But, Christina, don't you see? Now it all makes sense.

Drinking too much is why Brad left you. It makes you do stupid things. Not exactly what guys want in a girl. Plus, it leads to cancer. Christina gets cancer. Christina gets cancer. What the fuck? What the fuck?

It affects your long-term memory and it makes you put on weight. Christina gets mad fat. Oh, great. Looking down at her fat-ass thighs. So what am I going to do?

I was really stressed out before, and now with the whole Brad thing, well, to be honest, now I'd really like to just get drunk and forget about everything for a while. Christina! Christina! Christina! Christina! Christina! Christina! Christina, getting drunk doesn't solve anything.

All your problems will still be there when you sober up again. You can't just stay drunk for the rest of your life. Oh, I beg to differ. What if we could find some things

that would help you relax? And don't involve destroying your body. Oh, that'd be fantastic, Jennifer. But like, and don't involve destroying your body. No. Oh, that'd be fantastic, Jennifer, but like, what? I think I could restrain myself with the alcohol fairly easily at the moment, since I've only been drunk a couple times. There are heaps of things you can do to relax.

Like what? Like playing sports. Hey, what? Hiking. Yeah. Making things. Surfing the web. Yeehaw. Yeehaw.

Chatting to your friends, listening to music, playing music, watching videos, going to the movies, going shopping. Okay, okay. I get the idea.

Yeah. I guess you're right, Jennifer. That's right. You should listen to your best friend more often, you know. What about Brad? Well, I'm not sure I can help you with that one, Christina. The only thing I can say is that it'll get better over time. Eventually, you'll get over him, and then you can start dating some other guys. Hit me up, Christine.

I got you. Fuck it all. Fuck the whole football team. You're a fun, funky girl. With a personality to match. I'm sure there are plenty of other boys out there for you. Yeah, that's right. Christina checks out her fat-ass personality.

I am. You're right, Jennifer. I don't need to get drunk. I'm my own girl, and I don't need that junk messing up my life. I've got things to do. Let's go to the mall. I feel like trying on some new clothes. That's the spirit, Christina.

Yeah, let's go get them. Happy face end. Happy Face, end! Come on out! Come on out! How much slack do I have? Not that much. I got a little bit of slack. I got a little bit of slack. I got a little bit of slack.

I got a little bit of slack. Hey. F plus? It's time for some fucking poetry Poetry, poetry, poetry Poetry, poetry, poetry This poem is called Naga-Sake. And it is by Kahn! My Airbnb keys are in that.

Don't let me lose those. All right. Poem number one! Nagasaki by Kahn! What is dot com?

Who is the man behind the stars? Who made chaos? Transubstantiated shit! Wandering. wandering defined by wandering except for the one was the wandering with the O and the other was the wandering with the A winding whirlwind wench

wonderful wobbling stench wake and wander fake and wander but the wonder was the wander with the O and the wander with the A. See what I'm doing there? You see what I'm doing there to your goddamn brain? Trains and stains and Maine 80.

Consecrate and evil taint. Saints and sex. Error and terror and air and tear. It's important that you know that I used the air that was like, you know, like the prince, like the heir to the throne kind of. This comes back. So I used the air that was like, you know, like the prince, like the air to the throne kind of. This comes

back. So I used air in that version. You need to know that because that's important. It's gonna come back. Fear the sun! Fear the moon! Suck the light from the stars! We are the air! Now

that's the other air, the one that you breathe. You see that shit? Just did that to you. We are the airs. Now that's the first air. Of Adam 1. Substantiate God for God.

One of them was capitalized and the other wasn't. That fucking blew your mind. When I'm doing a poetry reading, it's very important that a lot of those things are communicated by the way that you type them on a page. Rusted pikes and bombs. One time Nagasaki Drunk beyond measure

Funk beyond conjecture Sunk beyond Bitextualized case per eyes Size mine behind thy crime I'm dining for wine and dimes mining for sign tangent management and manic men Xanax and Amex by which I mean American Express but I spelled that shit wrong $2 on the dollar collars and shock and hollers and smocks

Dr. Science in the arts operate, make dates and obstinate Doctor Science! In the arts. Operate, make dates, and obstinate. I have to pronounce it that way so it rhymes-ish. Fonder pigeons and sheep and sleep with it. Two lines, not one. Who is mine?

Not none. Lose lose time hot shun two times dot one con 100 million lives. More! More! Six billion tries for Adam! By which I mean the plot of Bioshock. Sex. Nihilistic, but I spelled it really poorly. Vies towards sad

ones. Read this shit! Yeah, shit this alright alright y'all I think we got a battle going on here because I also am reading something by Kahn

who I'm actually convinced may be Aesop Rock. Alright, here we go. Mary Annette. Mary Antoinette. I'm caught in a net. Life fish. Petri dish shit.

Manufacturing biology. Can you check with what you gotta be? Gotta be surprising diabetic nomenclature. Howling pigeons in acupuncture. St. Paul in the las muertos grandes stained halls can long dos juegos manda hey yo hey yo con elements and communication carbonation new robotnik best nick freak nick roundabout summers this show is smashed thanks for asking rank or smashing file or crashing dr aero jet to the er dr pirouette a kit is sick

to the diaspotic fesha rope who knew knew that blue, blue, blue moon? Soon doom, doom. Sand is mountain and sky. Mountain is God and man is God. Two X equals four. Two times I've asked you to feed my sheep. Peter dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot dot dot dot dot dot com communicate the proletariat i am speech they can preach side man eat catfish and directed study Sunder and thunder and under. America, America, God shed his grace on thee. When my lizard sheds his skin, I have to throw it out or he eats it and gets sick. Dead road and the pink road, televisions and the fingers of God.

Fuck with that motherfucker! So I know we've just been having some poetry. But I know fucking metal lyrics when I see them. So if you'll forgive me while I destroy my voice. Lock me up before I lose control. roll. And if another one of these could show up, that would help.

Lock me up before I kill. Charge me with murder for the lives I stole. Charge me with murder for the lives I stole. Charge me with a purpose that I started to fulfill. Falling down. Falling fast. Falling hard. Falling now.

Lock me up before I steal someone's soul. Knock me up before I stoke my prey. Knock me up before I Stuck my prey Charge me with hate Before I lose of control Charge me with treason In chains I shall stay Falling forever

Falling cold Falling fearless Falling now Lock me up before I can't breathe Lock me up before I can't breathe. Lock me up and I can't paint. On guard! On guard! So that says,

lock me up where I can't paint. and now back to our scheduled program charge me with murder so I'll never leave Charge me with a purpose, I'm a blood-soaked saint Crimson rivers fill the floor Crimson eyes peek from behind the cell door Hollow sounds fill the air Hollow agony, death and despair. So I'm going to totally out metal Jack Chick.

That is me. You're right. Okay, so he sees metal and I see, I guess, smooth jazz. This here is the Crash and Burn Dude by Street Kongs.

By the Street Kong, I guess. I love to. I love to I love to flirt to you and you but all I receive is a no and

a do. Well that's bullshit. I mean did God give fate that simple task to make sure that I finish last? 100% guarantee, ladies. This cannot be the life for me. Too much pain and misery.

Whatever happened to the good old days when all we did was play? Yay! At a certain time, I began to age. I felt that I was in a cage. Whatever happened? Wait, shit, I skipped a line. Continuing now, I failed

to rhyme. It seemed to me the birds were free. Send my regards to puberty In the sky I saw a plane Spreading its wings in all its fame I'm like a plane that always crashes Without my fuel I burn to ashes Crawling in my skin.

These woods, they will not heal. I fall into the sea. What do I see? Some shitty goddamn poetry. The fish and nostalgic image of coral reefs. That was supposed to rhyme with the previous. And he did.

What's the problem? Yep, I'm stupid. I have an accent. I cannot burn or turn to ash. My only fear is fisherman's cash. So after all, I'll stay a man Maybe a girl will be my fan Yeah, perhaps

My ego is hurt and beat How do girls pack that much heat? Thus in the end, I am a failure Bullshit Dear God, could I ask of a favor that rhymes with failure? A strong heart that it will not waver. Till the day I find my true savior. Hey, turns out it was me.

I hope I get to do a fun song one, too. Hi, Frank West. Hi. I picked your poem. Yeah, Adam told me. I picked your poem. I'm really excited for it, because that means it's going to be... I hope you like it.

It's a fun poem I picked for you. I'm so grateful. You know I love the spoken word. I love everything about it. An A-B poem by Angel Kitten. There once was a... What? I don't know what that stands for.

There once was a man named Piper who was quite fond of wearing a diaper. Do you like it? Do you like my poem? Why do I do this show? He wore baby clothes and had a passy. He thought himself quite smart and not overly sassy. There's so much more! In his home, he had a mommy

who never regarded him as odd or balmy. She'd bathe him and change him and cuddle him so and sing him to sleep in a voice so low. Stop teaching that! I learned it from watching you In his sleepers he'd fall fast asleep With his teddy bear he'd make not a peep Every day he awoke in his crib Then have his bottle while wearing a bib.

He'd have dinner in his favorite high chair. Mashed carrots and peas were the evening's fare. Booties and bonnets completed his attire. And if he was naughty on his bottom would be on fire. Oh, we do have fun. Oh, we have fun. But rarely did his mommy ever have to spank him.

She'd cater to his every need, wish, and whim. There was... There once was a man named... No, it can't start over, please. Can I just point out real quick that the scansion has actually been kind of good? Yeah, because I wrote it.

Yeah, Frank West, you've been fucking this up. It's your fault. It's my fault. this up. It's your fault. It's my fault. Boo that man! Boo that man! There once was a man named Piper who was quite fond of wearing a diaper. He was hugged.

He was hugged and he was cuddled by his mommy who was ne'er befuddled. Though the world would say nay for Piper, this was just his way. Being a baby is perfectly fine, and if I had a son, Piper'd be mine. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to slip out the back before the police get here. Thank you. For the first time on this or any F Plus Live stage, this right here is Nutshell Gulag!

We love you! Thank you. This one we're... Okay. Creature in the Midst of Creation by Mikhail Palmer. No matter where you are, you're a creature in the midst of creation.

Gratitude is the foundation for all generation. Walk through you day in the precense of God. Remember, this is not a game, so don't G-Mod. Before you explore the wonders of the human heart, ensure you and God are not apart. Recall the events of the day.

Remember, remember to never stray from God, for God. Look toward tomorrow. Look upon yourself with compassion. Try to remember you are in the precincts of God. As I die today, Wait, what? No!

Sorry, nutshell. For the last time on stage. One-time performance only. By Tite. T-I-T-E. I don't know. As I die today, I muse through past thoughts that have plagued my mind before. Then I think of wonderments

still new to explore. As I die today, I wonder what we all mean and why we walk through the world with sweet idyllic dreams. Among other things, yeah, probably. As I die today, I sit and watch the growing flowers with clouds hanging high and wind through my hair. I'm in awe of all nature's powers. As I die today, I think, why must we destroy each other and all that surrounds

as if the world were our toy? Still probably yes. As I die today, I weep in deep sorrow for our pitiful existence and ask myself why ignorance is common human pestilence. As I wipe the tears away, I ponder what I can say, but nothing comes to mind as we die today. Stog! We all died. Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog!

Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog! Stog All right, all right, all right. I just happen to be listening in on this poetry little bullshit thing you got here. And I'm just here to say that school is back in session, and I'm DJ Dr. Oz. And this is my poem called James Joyce is a Physicist or God, and it's by some guy named Khan. Okay, okay, okay, okay I'm about to drop some fucking truth bombs on y'all Promote scholarly dialogue

On all aspects of the computational Slash informational turn And the use of computers In the service of philosophy Who cares in the service of philosophy. Yeah! What about farts? Poetry! What about farts? Who cares?

How dare you? You produce them as much as you make them. Yeah! Which literally means love of wisdom, and it should be noted that philosophy and religion were clearly distinguished in the West, whilst these concepts were more continuous in the East due to, for example, the philosophical concepts of Buddhism. Rational argument. What?

The sleep of reason produces monsters. What? Something that is wrong with the natural order in the sense of randomness or entropy. What? Ice melting in a warm room is a common example of increasing entropy. Are you following me here? No. Well, yeah.

No. There are six types. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, everyone listen to this very clearly. There are six types of quarks. Okay. Yeah. Three quarks for muster mark

what okay sure he has not got much of a bark and it's sure any he has it's all beside the mark what the disciples and it's sure any he has it's all beside the mark what the disciples also fail to understand the implication of the miracles that

he performs before them what can i just say that this has some of the best scansion of any f plus a tree. Yeah. What? What? This may include the use of figure of speech, allegory, and exegesis. And this is why I should get tenure at my local community college.

Thank you. Stog! Proving once again that when you want to communicate to your audience that a poem has ended, you use the word exegesis. That's how that shit works. All right. We're coming close to a break, but before we get to that break, I want to bring you another puppet play.

This is a puppet play called Halloween Honesty. Yeah! Gotcha! Gotcha! Gotchautshell! Nutshell! Nutshell! Nutshell! Nutshell! Nutshell! Nutshell! Puppet Play, Halloween Honesty by Hank and Darlene Brooks, 28 September 2002. Moral of the play, two young birds learn that honesty pays during their Halloween trick-or-treat adventure. Scene. It is Halloween evening and the children are getting ready to go out for a trick or treat. Appropriate for ages four to seven.

That's us, right? It's because you're wearing a diaper, Frank. Puppet play, act one Does everybody know that Halloween is coming up soon? How many of you kids have gone trick-or-treating? Well, this is a story about two birds, Jake and Squawk, and their adventure on Halloween. Halloween can be a scary time. Some people say that ghosts and goblins can be seen on Halloween. I don't believe in ghosts.

However, if you see a ghost, you will let me know, won't you? Storyteller faces away from the stage. Ghost buzzes across the stage to get a reaction from the kids. Does this several times. When Cool Dude looks at the stage, the ghost is gone. What ghost? I don't see a ghost. Ghost again buzzes across the stage

to get a reaction from the kids. What ghost? After several times of seeing this, Cool Dude admits seeing a ghost and says... Oh my gosh, there is a ghost. It must be getting close to Halloween. Now let me tell you the story of Jake and Squawk. Act 2.

Let's get back to the story of Jake and Squawk. Let's get back to the story of Jake and Squawk. The two birds, Jake and Squawk, appear on stage. Hi, Squawk. How are you doing? I'm doing great. I'm getting ready for Halloween. I know what you mean, man. I am really excited that Halloween is tonight. Give squawking noise.

Squawk? So my, we will get all kinds of candy and goodies. But what kind of costume should we wear? I think I will go as a ghost. I'm going as a fireman. Fireman! Well, it sounds good to me. I'll see you tonight. Act three. Oh'll see you tonight. Act three.

Oh, fuck you! Fuck you! How... That's not an act! How many of you are going to go trick or treating this Halloween? Chooses one child. What costume do you plan on wearing? Answer him, damn it!

Give me the microphone! I don't care. I plan on going as a policeman. Boo! All cops are bastards! All cops are bastards! All cops are bastards! I don't believe in ghosts.

All cops are bastards! I don't believe in you booing ghosts. Can't you just try putting the boot on your throat forever? Now let's get back to the story. There's no fucking story! The two birds appear on stage, both dressed with sheets on and small bags pinned to the sheets. Holes cut in sheets for eyes and their bills.

This is really hard to read like this. And give teepee for their bungholes. Boo. I mean squawk. I'm sorry. I thought that you were going to be a fireman? I was, but I could not find my costume, so I decided to go as a ghost also. Let's get to our first house. As they walk up to the house... Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Monkey appears on stage right. Well, it looks like we have a couple of ghosts. Here is some candy for both of you. By the way, boys, my son lost his Game Boy today.

Could you please look for it while you are out? Thank you. Thanks for the candy We'll keep our eyes open Out for that game boy Okay Let's go to our next house And they head off

To the next house Look what I found A game boy Ben's down to pick it up. Well, finders keepers, we have a new Game Boy. I want to play it first. Wait a minute. This belongs to the Miss Monkey's son.

We promised that we would return it if we found it. I still think we should keep it. Devil appears on stage left. Oh my gosh! It's the devil! Oh no. You summoned me here last year

to deal with a moral resolution about a Game Boy apparently. You look like Victor last time. The devil comes in many forms. Shit. Shut up! Shut up! That's right! You guys should keep it!

Finders keepers, you guys deserve it! You guys don't want to return it, you guys! Angel appears on stage right. guys deserve it. You guys don't want to return it, you guys. Angel appears on stage right. Boo. Squawk. I mean, boo. It's their guardian angel.

Wait a minute. Listen to your inner voice. You know good from evil. You know it's wrong to keep the game boy. You need to return it. Don't listen to her. Your guardian angel is lying.

Keep it. Just think of what Jesus would do That's what you should do Do the right thing Well, well Well Well, well, Squawk What do you think Jesus would do? Oh, oh, oh, fuck

Oh, okay, Oh, okay. Okay, okay, we'll return it. Good boys! Angel and Devil disappear. Bye! Fucking poof! Jake and Squawk walk over to Mr. Monkey's house.

I'll ring the doorbell. Bing! Mrs. Monkey's house. I'll ring the doorbell. Bing! Mrs. Monkey appears on stage right. Thanks, boys! What a nice surprise! I want to thank you honest boys for returning it.

And as a reward, I would like to give you each a big box of candy! Thanks, boys! Miss Monkey. Thanks, boys. Miss Monkey. Miss Monkey. See, Jake, I told you that honesty was the best policy. You said it, Squawk. Jake and Squawk exit from the stage

Fuck So there you have it, kids Pussy The Halloween story of Jake and Squawk The moral of the story is that honesty is the best policy Or always do the right thing. We're learning a lot. We're learning a lot.

And we're going to learn more. But I know that you all need to get a little bit more liquor in you. And before you get more liquor in you, I want to turn your minds to a place that I like to call Cora. How is that even formed? We may never know. So this is a very simple question. This is a very simple question. if I believe in magic and

Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry can I still be an atheist and wizardry. Can I still be an atheist? Your move, Cora. Yes, hello, I'm Claire Jordan.

I have a degree in biology. And folklore. Programmer. Shop owner. Secretary on newspaper? Yes! Yes! Rowling has said that all religions except Wicca occur in the wizarding world,

and I suppose that would include atheism. Yeah, yeah. Wicca, I suppose, is ruled out because it has set ideas on how magic works, which aren't compatible with how it works in the Potterverse. However, if you're going to believe in the world and the books for a given value of believe, then you have to believe in a spiritual realm because both

ghosts and an afterlife beyond the veil definitely exist in the Potterverse! It's perfectly possibly to believe in a spiritual dimension and an afterlife without believing in a god or gods.

Whether this is tenable within the Potterverse depends on how you interpret the origin story of the Deathly Hallows. The Hallows certainly exist in the Potterverse, and if you believe the version of their origin given in Beetle, then it has death appearing as a personalized being and a kind of a god. It's a book for children! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

Again, however, belief in the existence of gods need not entail belief in the existence of a creator god. This is Jeffrey Whitteson, chemical engineer, 2006 to present. Witteson, chemical engineer, 2006 to present. You mean actually believe that Hogwarts actually exists? Sure, you could be anything you want, but you'd have to accept that your position's actually worse than that of Thea since you believe in something which was invented by a person who makes no suggestion that it's anything but fiction.

Even just believing in magic, you're probably putting yourself in the same logical position as theists of believing in something whose existence you cannot prove. It doesn't mean you can't be an atheist, of course, except the concept is valid to believe in something supernatural and unproven.

That concept would apply equally well to religion. That real question then becomes why you believe what you believe. Oh, damn! Damn! Damn! All right, I'm about to lay the fucking law down on all of you. My name's Matt Whitby,

and the default position for everything is non-belief. Oh, I don't believe you. Lemon, could your mind get any more blown? Podcast over, we're done. Yes, as the two aren't related related aside from having fictional books involved oh damn he went there he went there all right i'm rick thor There's belief, and there's belief.

Yeah! I prefer belief in real things. Sure, but don't tell people you're an atheist. We have enough credibility problems, our aren't are doing. Steve! We have enough credibility problems. Our aren't are doing. My name is Vikrant Vaidya, and I have muted this topic. By definition, yes. But you would be in the minority, irrational atheist.

Yes. I'm here to clear this up. Barry Hampton, 80-year-old lifelong atheist, tired of silly questions from theists. Yes, as long as you don't... As long as you don't believe the wizards are gods or get their powers from gods, what the fuck ever. So here's the thing. We worked some of it at the show. And as we were planning out these sort of beats,

we were figuring out exactly how much time we would spend on things. We would figure out how much time we would spend on things. We would figure out how much time we would spend on beats. We would figure out how much time we would spend on our break. Now, what's going to happen right now at this exact moment is we are going to take a break. This was planned to be longer, forgetting that all of these people chew scenery. As such, our break is going to be very short. But that said, I do need you to get more liquor.

So why don't you all head on out, grab yourself a little bit more booze. And tip your servers. And tip your servers.