The F Plus - live8a: wikiHow The Game Show | F Plus Live 8 | Heat 1

Episode Date: March 1, 2020

On January 18th of 2020, The F Plus came to Portland in order to do something very stupid indeed. Sixteen players would come up to the stage, one by one, and read randomly selected content they have never seen before, in order to prove who is the motherfucking best. Achilles' Heelies - From Nightmares & Rockets (an Elon Musk fanfic) by Tesla Pike Frank West - How To Shave Your Genitals (Male) Boots Raingear - How To Get Over Your Fear Of Slenderman Victor Laszlo - How To Ignore Your Husband I'm sorry, Dad. Heat 2 | Heat 3 | Heat 4 | Final Heat

This is F Plus Live! Portland, I am so fucking excited to have flown through a snowstorm to your silly, silly, silly city in order to experience this with you. This is F Plus Live. This is WikiHow, the game show. This is going to be an event. Say one thing right off the bat. That camera right over there, right next to Victor Laszlo, that is a camera recording everything that is happening on this stage, which is fantastic for two reasons.

One reason is that, hey, we actually might have fucking video this year. Who knows? The next thing is that that camera is performing a job that camera is performing the job of you not having to hold up your mic your camera to record the entire thing that is not a necessary activity any photos you want to take, that's fantastic you take as many photos as you like, please, there's no reason to do that we've got a show and we want you to enjoy it

this is WikiHow, the game show! Very briefly, I'm going to explain to you the premise. Because we had a couple of months, and so we kept adding shit. So the premise is a little bit straightforward, while also being fucking insane. Here we go.

So we've got 16 players. 16 players are going to be coming up to the stage one by one. And how are we going to do this? These 16 players, of those, we are going to decide on one winner. There will only be one winner of this night. Only one winner. We're going to decide that thing by breaking those into four heats of four players. We've got four different heats of four players coming up to the stage. And one by one, they will come up here and they will push this button.

Oh, this button right here is going to assign them random content that they have never before seen in their lives. Random, stupid, sometimes wikiHow-based content that they have never before seen in their lives. Random, stupid, sometimes wikiHow-based content that they have never seen before in their lives. But yes, of course, there's whammies. Of course, there's fucking whammies. So they're going to push this button. That's going to give them some content to read. But here's the thing. They get a document. content to read, but here's the thing. They get a document. They have eight minutes. The moment that document is in their hand, the very moment they touch that document, their timer begins. They have eight minutes. Kampotsop, they have eight minutes. And only eight minutes. Will they read the content? Will they do something else?

Will they strip? We don't know. What we do know is that they have eight minutes to read content they have never seen before. And they will panic. Eventually. But, I mean, I don't know how you are with social anxiety, but eight minutes in front of a stage where you do not know what you're reading

institutes panic. But wait! There's more. Because as they are on stage, the other three people in the heat, those fucking assholes are also going to have microphones. I've got 16 players up here and all of them want to win the important fact here is that you

will be the one deciding this outcome you will be choosing every winner you will be deciding who deciding this outcome. You will be choosing every winner. You will be deciding who is the motherfucking best. You can vote using whatever criteria you like. If you want to vote for the person who was the funniest, that's fantastic. If you want to vote for the person that was the sexiest, well, congratulations, Bunny Bread.

You will only vote once per round, and only one winner will be selected. There's our heats. You might have seen this. That's not easy to read. Anyway, as players, we've got three things that they are encouraged to do. Our players are encouraged to be funny, drink, and use any tactic to get the audience to vote for them.

Everything is fair game. Any sort of bribery or trickery or collusion is totally fine. We want to subvert the democratic process. Wait, no, it's already subverted. Fuck it. Players are discouraged from trying to be educational, disrespecting this wonderful venue that we've appreciated letting us in here, and most importantly,

talking about Frank West reading from F Plus Live 3. Fuck you, Piers Anthony. Those are the players. Everyone is encouraged to have fun, be nice, and very importantly, tip generously. The bar staff in here are polite to you because you're paying them. This is not their fucking hobby. Tip your bar staff in here are polite to you because you're paying them. This is not their fucking hobby. Tip your bar staff generously. We've got prizes.

Adam Bozart, do you want to show us this prize? This is, and I cannot overstate this enough, this is a custom, limited edition, one-of-a-kind, 3D-printed wikiHow hat. Yes! From Los Angeles, California. It'll be up here on stage this entire time. There might be other prizes involved, but those prizes will be delivered

by our celebrity guests. Ooh. I can't tell you any more about that celebrity guest. The only thing that I can tell you is that it's going to be fun. I want to get right into this, but I also want to get that theme song one more time.

Woo! That wasn't clumsy. And here we go. Now, Rod Roddy. Yes. Bunny Bread. Yes. We're going to begin this thing, as is appropriate, with Heat One.

Will you tell me who is in Heat One? Our first contestant is a semi-professional dragon dildo appraiser from Deez Nuts, Tennessee, Achilles Heelys. Come on down! And next up, he's the head coach of the junior varsity LARPing team at St. Sephiroth School for the Waywardly Nerdy. From Fortune City, Nevada, Frank West, wave dash on down.

Yeah! Video games! And our next wiki warrior serves as a twerking therapist for his local retirement community. Coming in all the way from Rod Ford's Liver, Ontario, Boots Reindeer! Come on down! Come on down!

He's a plastic surgeon specializing in labial balloon sculpture. His interests include saying yay, followed by his own name. Crawling out from the bottom of a bourbon cask, Victor Laszlo! Come on down! Alright. Alright, Achilles Heelys. Approach yourself up right there. All right, Achilles.

Yes. As we said, the button is right here. Achilles Heelys, are you ready to spin that wheel? Yes. Achilles Heelys, are you ready to spin that wheel? Yes. Achilles Heelys, spin that wheel! No whammies, no whammies. Yes, whammies. Yes, whammies.

Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies.

Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Whammies. Right away, Achilles' heels begin! From Nightmares and Rockets by Tesla Pike. Elon Musk is one of the most important people of the world. That checks out, that checks out. He runs three companies and is known for his very strict behavior towards his employees. The people who work for him either hate him. That one. That one.

Or love him. I love him, but more than I should. First work here. I will update the story as often as I can. Sorry for crappy English, I'm actually German. Editor's notes.

The first five chapters consist of unnamed SpaceX employee falling for Elon, having a nightmare about all of her co-workers and Elon Musk dying in SpaceX headquarters fire. Yay! She is invited over to Elon Musk's to stay the night, where she comforts Elon. Oh. What?

Okay. When he has a nightmare. The next day, she met his brother Kimball and their mother May. At the end of chapter five, Elon professes his love for the unnamed rocket scientist's employee. Chapter six. My birthday. Two. Wait, how many birthdays do you get?

At least two. Okay. Notes. Tried to write this chap from a female POV. Hope it turned out well. I'm still shook how many people like this story, and it's heartwarming to read all your comments. I really love you all. and it's heartwarming to read all your comments.

I really love you all. But as you can see, I barely have time to work on my fan fiction, so this will probably be the last chapter. No! It's short, I know, but I also ran out of ideas, and now we've reached... Unlike Elon, who never runs out of ideas.

He should, though. He really should runs out of ideas. He should, though. He really should run out of ideas. We've reached the climax of the story. No pun intended. I hope you like it, and thank you so much for supporting this fic. I love you, heart. Pike.

Yeah. Elon let the autopilot drive us home so we could talk. We both were still nervous, and we both questioned if the other really had developed feelings, or if it's just a momentary desire for intimacy. Elon and I were single for years, and we're probably both sexually very unmet, dot, dot, dot. Because of my uncertainty, I decided to ask him the question that I wanted to ask him since he said it. How long? How long what, he asked, confused. How long do you have feelings for me yet? I replied. Yvonne looked at me and smiled. I think it's half a year or after you began to work with me. At the beginning, you were pretty retiring, just like the most new employees,

but you rapidly became more and more self-conscious and independent. That was extremely remarkable. You put so much passion and interest in your work like nobody else. And his voice was a stunning amount of pride. And besides that, you look absolutely beautiful. He continued softly while brushing my hair with his fingers. Suddenly, tears began to run down my cheeks. Elon's eyes examined me, worried. What's wrong? he asked softly, while placing his hand on my cheek and wiping away the tears. I, I, it's just, I never thought this would happen.

You just made a dream come true. Really, he smiled. I nodded, and he suddenly leaned over to kiss me again. I... Really, he smiled. I nodded, and he suddenly leaned over to kiss me again. I... If you want that, it'll be up for ten bucks. Contact me after the show. I relaxed all of my muscles.

Women do do that. And let it happen. I was happy for the first time in years. As the autopilot finally parked the car in the driveway, we jumped out the car vigorously and entered his house with the next moment, everything got wilder. Elon's strong arms carried me up the stairs without any problems. Hey, I want to file a complaint. I want to file a complaint. Like, I was not expecting everyone's heartstrings tugged by a story like this.

Like, I'm going to have a fucking WikiHow article. How am I going to compete with this? I don't know. I guess you just lose. Okay. We entered his room and he placed me on the bed. My heart raced in desire. My blood rushed through my body and heated up everything. My head couldn't stop firing signals.

Elon bent me and whispered, you need to tell me if you want me to stop. So I told him the end. I grasped his neck, pulling him towards me, and I clutched his back with my legs holding him tight. His chest was near mine, so I could feel his heart racing just like mine. He covered my mouth with his hungry kiss. I responded immediately.

His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips softer than I could have imagined. He tasted tentatively with his tongue, and I opened my mouth with a low moan. One of Elon's rough yet warm hands slipped under my shirt, caressing my stomach, while the other hand grasped my arm and pushed it over my herd. He held me firmly, and I enjoyed his dominance every single second.

As he pressed his body onto mine, I could feel his bulge. He was as horny as me, but he let the time pass. Eventually, I couldn't wait any longer. Elon, please! I begged him, and he finally let me go grabbed my shirt and pulled it over my head I did I did this I did the same with his, exposing that long-desired body of his.

My brain made me fall into a kind of trance. I couldn't think anymore. Everything I did just happened. I placed my hand on his chest and felt his warm and slightly sweaty skin. His heartbeat and his fast breathing. My fingers ran down his belly and then over his back to his ass. Everything about him was perfect. I like Tamron Woodruff! Three, two, one! I know that there may or may not have been bets placed

on who would actually go through into the finals, but I regret there not having been a bet at how long it'll take till the first instance of male nudity. About seven minutes. About seven minutes, yeah. I'll just be keeping this for later. Up next is Frank West! I told you, Lemon.

I got better shit to do than this. You want my fucking headshot, you pay the fee like everyone else. Frank West, are you ready to push that button? I was born ready. Frank West, push that button! Please whammy. Come on, give me a whammy.

Whammy, whammy. Come on. Give me a whammy. Whammy, whammy. Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yeah! We are getting very sexy. Very sexy. Frank West, your topic is how to shave your balls. Frank West, begin. How to shave your genitals.

Male. What does that say? Not even close. It's very... The thought of bringing a sharp razor anywhere close to your genitals might be downright frightening. However, shaving your genitals can give you a clean, sleek look

down there as part of a larger manscaping routine. Always start by carefully trimming the area with electric grooming clippers. Then, soak in a warm tub for a few minutes, apply shaving cream, use a sharp razor, and remove the hair with smooth, even strokes. And don't forget to supply a soothing aftershave when you're done. Method one, trimming public, sorry,

Trimming pubic hair before shaving. One, place the lowest guard setting on your electric grooming clippers. It's possible to use hair clippers here, but grooming clippers are smaller and more maneuverable in such a sensitive area. When you use the lowest guard setting, the clippers should trim your hair to exactly.125 inches or 3.2 millimeters. Or less. If it is longer, I will not stay with you. Can I get that on metric? One-eighth.

If it is longer, you won't be able to see my... Never shave your pubic hair without trimming it first. The coarse curly hairs will get caught in the razor and be painfully yanked out. If you only intend to trim and not shave your pubic hair, you can use a higher guard setting, if desired. And you could remove the guard altogether for an even closer trim. But this increases the chances of nicks, cuts,

irritation, and infection. Number two. Yeah. Number two. Glide the clippers through the hair surrounding your genitals. Stand upright, hold the clippers in your dominant hand and use your other hand to maneuver your penis and scrotum out of the way

as needed cut through the pubic hair in the direction of growth which is typically downward above your penis, for example. You can also use your free hand to pull your skin taut as you work. This may make trimming the hair easier, and you may find it easier to work if you put one leg at a time on the chair, the toilet lid, or the side of the tub. Three, work carefully to trim any hair on your scrotum and penis. As you've trimmed down the pubic hair surrounding your genitals, very slowly glide the clippers over the shaft of your penis, if necessary, to trim any hairs there.

You wouldn't believe how hairy Frank West's shaft is. Then use your next page. You can also use a shaving cream applicator brush to work the shaving cream in. However, to reduce the risk of spreading an STI or other infection, don't use the same brush on your face. Because I know you want to. Wait!

Have a different STI than your face! You know what I get up to? You know what I get up to? One person up top, one person below. It's called the human centipede. We do it in a circle. Three. Shave around your genitals with smooth, even strokes.

Hey, Dad, you'll probably listen to this at some point, just so you know. Human centipede, don't watch the video. Stop watching now. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry, Dad. I know we've been through a lot.

This isn't what you wanted me to do. He's sorry, too, Frank. He sure fucking is. Stand in the tub or another spot where you can prop up one leg at a time to help access your groin area. Hold a sharp, clean razor in your dominant hand, and use your free hand to position your genitals as needed to access the pubic hair that surrounds your penis and scrotum.

Use even pressure to glide the razor over the hair in the direction of hair growth. Citation 9. We're up to citation 9. What the fuck? Rinse the razor in clean water after every two to three strokes. Make sure the blade is clear of hair and shaving cream. Using a dull razor means you have

to apply more pressure, which is more likely to lead to cuts and irritation. Stick with a sharp, fresh razor. Also, don't use this razor on your face or any other area of your body. I cannot stress this enough. This is... Oh, this. They're telling me to do this...

These are just the same bullet points from, like, point two, but now they're all their own points, so I guess I'm... Send your balls again! Yeah, it's... Do it on cam! Oh, God, I need to fill four pages. I need some diagrams! Sorry, there's actually eight pages of this.

For some reason, I felt the need to edit it. Four. Use electrolysis treatments to permanently prevent hair growth for you smooth boys out there. If you're sure you never want to have pubic hair again, electrolysis may be worth your time and money. For this procedure, a professional uses a needle-like device to destroy the roots of each hair. It can take up to 25 sessions to complete the procedure, but the roots... 25?

Look, Acupuncture... Have you seen Frank West? Hey, Frank West, it took me 40, but it was worth it. Well, they gave me a discount. It can take up to 25 sessions to complete the procedure, but the roots will be completely destroyed and not regenerate afterward. You may experience

mild pain during each session as they shove needles into your junk. You might also have temporary redness or irritation, which may require the application of a soothing balm or lotion. That's not that much time.

Now you're talking. You know, they don't say you can't. So if you're there just like, I want to remove all the hair from my face too, I don't care about the STDs. It's fine, man. I got them all over. This is likely to be the most expensive option,

especially since it requires so many visits to a dermatologist or similar professional office. And now on to the part that is the most important part of any penis-related informational thing is the community Q&A. Question. My boyfriend is scared he is going to cute his penis.

Aww. Is it possible? Is it possible that it could damage it if he would cut it? WikiHow staff editor. Staff answer. You're unlikely to cause severe damage with a razor cut,

but any cuts could be quite painful in such a sensitive area. It's best to just use the trimmer on the shaft of the penis. Question. Could I put hair removal cream on my testicles? Egg, you should. You should. You can. Wikihouse staff editor, staff answer. Only use a hair removal cream if it is specifically labeled as safe for use on the genitals.

Oh, shit. Question. Can I use shampoo instead of saving cream? Community answer. This is not official staff answer. Conditioner is a better alternative and can leave your sand silky smooth. No. When shaving my genitals, is it necessary to remove the hair around the anus? Community answer. It is completely your choice.

Hair removal is your decision. This is America, after all. If you like it super clean, grab a mirror match, which will help you in shaving the hair off. If it's not right or wrong to remove the hair, or not to remove it. Frank West!

Frank West! I think we've already got our new slogan, F plus live colon sorry dad. Collectively to many of them. Up next, we've got Boots Reingear. Woo! I was saying Boots. I'm taking my mic early while I can.

Just so you know, I am the motherfucking king of wikiHow in this house. You all know this. Hey, Boots. I'm here to take your crown. Boots Reingear, do you want to prove your motherfucking title? Yeah, right here. Do you want to prove your motherfucking title? I do want to prove my motherfucking title. Boots Reingear, do you want to prove your motherfucking title? Do you want to prove your motherfucking title? I do want to prove my motherfucking title.

Boots Reingear, push that button! Come on! Give me this guy. Or this guy. Give me this guy. I'll take that guy. Yes. Yes.

I'll take that guy Yes I'll take that guy Portland, Oregon Impossible Get over your fear of Slenderman This is good because I need this How to get over your fear of Slenderman The monsters under your bed And in your closet are long gone

Now that your nightmares are packed With visions of this faceless skinny man With abnormally long arms and a really nice well-pressed suit You're practically pining for the days of the boogeyman Never fear, WikiHow is here to get you over the fear of Slenderman Read on When you are done, heck That's a whole sentence, when you are done, heck! That's a whole sentence. When you are done, heck.

Following sentence, he'll be the one fearing you! Method one, number one, is using your logic. Use your logic to defeat your fear of Slenderman. But I'm on wikiHow.

One, know that you could take him. Yeah, fuck that guy. Yeah, you're gonna fuck him up. Fuck him up. Sure, maybe he's seven feet tall. He's not built, man. But he's a stick. Know his name.

Slender man. It's because he's skinny. Very skinny. And he probably, he was probably a geek in high school. Give that nerd a fucking swirly. Yeah, which is why he's acting like a scary masked man. And you could

totally kick his flat butt if he came at you. Think of some names equivalent to Slender Man. Wait, this is like, this is getting over your fear of an actual real Slenderman in your face. Yeah. I love it. Okay. Yeah. Just think about how absolutely non-scary they are. Fat boy, voluptuous girl, pear-shaped androgynous person. Really? You're just going to let a guy named Slenderman get the better of you? Come on, you can do better than that.

Drag him! Drag him! Now I'm just shaming people that are afraid of Slenderman. Okay, think about his background. Let's take what we know about this guy, which admitted is very little. He wears a suit every day. What kind of person wears a suit every day? Either he's incredibly educated. Boo.

Boo. The. And has a well-paying job, boo. Or. You think you're better than me, Slenderman? Or he's Barney Stinson? Fuck that. If you ever succeed in coming close enough to Slenderman to chop off one of his tentacle arms,

you probably just want to do him off for good. But if you're the one that chopped his arm off, he'll probably come after you, like Richard Kimball. These are really good WikiHow references. These are really good wikiHow references. These are really good This Room references. Like Richard Kimball went after the one-armed man. Method two, taking action. Do your research.

He is not real. I gotta end that point there. Number two, do the math. There is very little actual evidence that can be traced back in history linking to Slenderman. So beyond popular belief, he's not real.

And if he is, think about it. There are about 7.5 billion people in the world in just as many places, in fact, many more, where he could be, if he were real, what are the odds he's coming after you? Did I just doom myself?

After the fucking shit you just said about him? Then whose arm did I just cut off? It's okay, he's not back there. What makes you so sp... I've never been begged so hard. What makes you so special that Slenderman could show up at your doorstep?

Unless you're leaving him milk and cookies, which everyone knows Slenderman is Santa Claus. He probably won't. Think of it like Santa Claus unless you believe in Santa Claus. That probably won't. Think of it like Santa Claus, unless you believe in Santa Claus. That is the end of that point. Wait, I want that. Well, we've got a wiki article

on how to stop being afraid of Santa Claus. Use him like a portkey. If you think about it, a Slenderman would make a pretty cool superhero. Think about it! He can just pop up in places randomly. How sweet would that be? All you have to do is get close to him, latch onto him,

and wait for him to teleport. A well-established slender manpower. Like a pork... Like a pork key in Harry Potter. Heck, maybe he could teach you how to do it.

Uh... Two. That was just three. Overcome your fears with exposure. Let's say you're afraid of spiders. One day you put yourself in a room 12 feet away. Sorry, 12 feet. This one converts to metric by the way. 12 feet

3.7 meters away from a spider until you're okay with it. The next day it's 10 feet, 3.0 meters. A week later you're sitting next to it. Eventually the spider is on your hand and you're okay. I'm pretty sure you are. It says so in wikiHow.

Anything can be gotten to use with enough... Anything can be gotten used to with enough time. Great. Helpful sentence. That is... That's why Taylor Swift... What? Sorry? Helpful sentence. That is, that's why Taylor Swift. What? Sorry? Go on.

That's why. I'm back in. That's why that Taylor Swift song you initially hated is sort of tolerable now. This process is called deconditioning. Three, calm yourself down. If you freak out and run through the house whenever you think he's there, don't let yourself. If you think he's behind you in the basement, take a deep breath, sing your favorite song, and calmly walk up the stairs. Your body often cues your mind and not the other way around.

Is that how the central nervous system works? So if your body stays calm, your mind may too. Breathe, breathe slowly and deeply. Skip. Four, empower yourself. All right, so a lot of this article has been poking fun at Slenderman. But if you're truly scared of him, all the jokes in the world won't be helpful.

The only thing that will be helpful will be empowering yourself. You're afraid of what he represents to you, not what he is or what he's capable of. If you change your image of him, you won't be afraid anymore. Questions. Oh, my God. What if Slenderman is real and I'm camping to overcome my fears? Answer. Just know he can't hurt you because he's so skinny that you could kick his butt if he came at you. One last question.

What if my dad puts me in a dark room and plays the theme song? Community answer. This may help you get over your fear. He's doing you a favor. Thanks, Dad. You know you're voting for me.

Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo! Boo I think my very favorite part of that reading was that I was like

oh it's never going to actually mention that Slenderman is fictitious and then it did and it was like yeah Slenderman's fictitious but anyway he's fucking skinny he's a punk he's a bitch he doesn't listen to any Evanescence.

That dude sucks. I've also never been nagged so hard by a WikiHow article. I think I might go out with it. I can change it. Player number four in our first heat, his name is Victor Laszlo. Yay. Yay.

Might I suggest a boo, Victor? I'm about to take that off the screen. Before I do, please note, fingerless surgical gloves. Hey, Victor, you ready to push that button? I'm ready to push that button. Victor Laszlo, push that button! I'm just going to push that button. Victor Laszlo, push that button! Victor Laszlo, push that button again!

There we go. Come on, Rammies. Oh, there's some good ones. There's some good ones in there. There's some good ones in there. Hey, Victor Laszlo, would you like to know how to ignore your husband?

This is how to ignore your husband. How to ignore your husband. In a relationship, you may sometimes need a mental break. Marriage can be stressful, and bad habits or bad moods are sometimes better to ignore. Yeah, that's... 16 years here, guys. Definitely ignore your spouse when she's in a bad mood.

Best advice ever. Always works. There are many tactics you can use to ignore your husband when necessary. All right, let's see. Part one, ignoring your husband in a healthy way. If your husband is angry or in a bad mood, sometimes it's better to disengage. Angry people are often difficult to reason with. In this situation, it's appropriate and even healthy to simply ignore your husband until he calms down.

Foolproof. Always works. Always. Sometimes a bad mood leaves someone looking for a fight. If your husband had a bad day at work, he may overreact to a small indiscretion on your part. This is, I guess, leave it to Beaver sort of shit right here. If you know your husband is in a bad mood, do not take it personally if he snaps at you. If your husband is angry or trying to cause an argument, the best response is to tune him out. Yep. It may feel like defeat, but it's actually more productive. If your husband tries to bait you into an argument, simply respond with short phrases like

yes or okay until he gives up and leaves you alone. Yeah. But, no, no, this is not a long-term solution. It's not something you should regularly have to do. On occasion, everyone slips up and lashes out at a loved one due to a bad day or a bad mood. However, when it's a regular occurrence, it can be a real problem. If your husband is temperamental by nature, you should have a sit-down talk with him about his behavior. This is definitely written by someone who's been married.

Six times. Larry King? Okay. Thank you, Mr. President. Step two in ignoring your husband in a healthy way. Go to bed angry. And get the best night of sleep of your life. Hey, hey, hey, Wiggy Howe, do you need a place to stay or like...

Try to ignore any bad feelings you're having towards your husband and get some sleep. If you're still upset in the morning, you can talk when you've both calmed down. When your husband is in the room, acknowledge his present in somewhat formal ways.

While you may normally be more casual at home, when ignoring your husband, try to act as if you're being polite to someone at a party you're attending. Nod when he speaks, smile when appropriate, but don't engage him in small talk or other conversation.

You know, what you do at parties. Go to parties and don't talk to people. I think we can all relate to that part at least. You can also try to avoid being in the same room as your husband. For example, you could move to the bedroom if he's in the living room. In case you didn't know what not being in the same room means, WikiHow is here to help you. You can let him know by excusing yourself

in a brief, formal manner. If you don't mind, I think I'm going to go upstairs. There's nothing in here about if he does mind, so that's probably a different Wikipedia article that, you know, someone else is going to read tonight. I do mind, Linda.

Fucking Linda! Oh, Lord. So, the next healthy thing is to communicate indirectly by perhaps giving him the silent treatment. Sentence number two of which is the silent treatment can be incredibly cruel and is ineffective at resolving disputes. But no, but totally,

totally try it. Just try it. But this time, though. Just try it. If you're upset with your husband and feel the need to ignore him, find a way to communicate so he's not left baffled. You can

text him or leave him notes, for example, without actually speaking to him. I'm not speaking to you. I'm going to the bedroom, if you don't mind. You should let your husband know up front if you're upset about something and need space for a few days, which is exactly the opposite of the first two pages of this. Do not simply ignore him without warning. Number seven, which revisits one we've seen before, give short responses. This is another

great way to fully, to ignore someone without fully resorting to the silent treatment. Respond with things like, mm-hmm, and okay. This can help convey to your husband that you're not in the mood to engage with him in the moment. Wow. All right. So, what was this topic again? Ignoring your husband. Part two, addressing deeper issues.

I would have put that at the end. Number one, focus on yourself. Jesus Christ. The most self-aware wikiHow article. It's rare that one person is entirely to blame. Spend some time considering

what is bothering you. Is there anything you could be doing differently in your marriage? Are you not as present as you used to be? Linda! Do you sometimes take your husband for granted? Linda! Are there ways you could engage

with his annoying behaviors in good humor? Linda! Is there a deeper issue that's bothering you? For example, if you're unhappy at work, you may be more irritable. Have you considered this is all your fucking fault? Larry. Larry? You may find yourself wanting to tune out your husband's anecdote about his trip to the gym.

What? If there's something in your life that's bothering you, talk to your husband about your concerns. That's a non sequitur. Then change your life so you're a happier person overall. Okay. Yeah, right. Yep. Consider whether there may be a problem with your marriage.

If you find yourself consistently ignoring your husband, your marriage may be in danger. Your husband may talk to you in a way you dislike. You may feel like the two of you don't have time for one another. You may be unsatisfied sexually in some capacity. Ignoring your husband is not a viable solution long term. Oh no, oh no, questions, questions. My husband spends three or more hours in the bathroom on a daily basis. What should I do? You should encourage him. You need to talk to him about what he's doing

While he's in there And encourage him to see a doctor Whenever I try to ignore my husband He brings in his power tools What should I do? Both of you sound immature Two, one Yay Victor

Tar, Laz, Low Jay, Victor! Tor! Laz! Lo! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! Jay! That was the most obvious edit war I have seen on Wikihow in fucking years.

And the thing is, they all came from the same IP because the husband logged in, and he was like, stop being such a bitch. And then she logged in, she's like, stop being such an asshole. Okay, okay, okay. That is the only, that is the only use case of the expression, thank God for

Reddit, that I will allow. Really ever. All of you out here in this audience, you have seen four performances, and all of you out here in this audience, I know, or I think, that you have cellular devices, and so to you, I say that it is time for you to decide who is the motherfucking best.

If you go right now to motherfucking.best, that is motherfucking.best in your browser of choice, you are going to see a thing saying polls are closed. I will open those polls in just a second. You are going to have a very short amount of time to tell us who is the motherfucking best. while we're

on it, just so you know, you can go... Oh, it already is on. Alright, never mind. I forgot to close the polls. There we go. Boots, start the music. Whoops. Boots, start it again.

Oh, it's some... Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. What the fuck is happening here? Oh, yeah. What the fuck is happening here? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Can you vote for yourself? Keep voting.

I'm very disappointed in all of you. It's getting smaller. That's right, come on, keep it coming. If only I had more clothes to give. Yes. Achilles. Motherfucking Heelys. We actually don't have the time. We don't have the time. Achilles motherfucking Heelys

will be going on to the final he will have five minutes to go up against these competitors I'm going to give you just a sec, I want you to know by the way, out that door is a faster way to the bathroom if you are interested we're going to come back with round two in literally...

It will not be long. This will not be a long break. So go ahead and get a piss. I'll be back in just a sec.