The F Plus - live8e: wikiHow The Game Show | F Plus Live 8 | Final Heat

Episode Date: March 1, 2020

Achilles Heelies - Daniel Songer's Comedy Act #191 Kumquatxop - How to Win a Swordfight Shell Game - How to Live in a Dungeon Jimmyfranks - How to Cook Lasagna in the Dishwasher That's the end. Now that you're at the end, you should probably go to motherfucking.best and vote for your favorite readings. Heat 1 | Heat 2 | Heat 3 | Heat 4

F Plus Live! Here's one thing that I can tell you for certain. Here is one thing that I can tell you for certain, and that is that God wants this to go well. And here's why I know. When I had to rewrite the board, the JavaScript compiled the first fucking time. Yeah!

the JavaScript compiled the first fucking time. So we are blessed. I have four finalists that I am going to be bringing up to the stage, one after another. Those finalists are Achilles Heelies, Cubquats Up, Shell Game, Come quads up Shell game And Jimmy Franks

This final round is going to work slightly differently First of all, rather than the given eight minutes These finalists will have not eight minutes, but in fact five minutes to entertain you. Five minutes to be the answer, and we will be removing the big button from them. No, no, no.

They will not have the big button. Instead, they will be given one of two choices. They have one of two choices. They have one of two choices and whichever choice they choose is the choice they go with. But also, there's one whammy

that didn't make it into the show. Door number three. And so there is an unmarked door number three available to the first contestant who might want it. Are we ready for this? The JavaScript compiled the first fucking time. Achilles Heelys.

Achilles, I've got two and only two choices for you. And those two and only two choices for you are how to explore words and live beyond them or how to do black magic. So here's what I promise you. If I win, this hat, this shirt goes in the audience. I don't take them back. Also, I choose door number three.

Door number three. Adam Bozarth, the diligent doc boy working here behind the counter. Door number three is Daniel Songer's comedy act number 191. The day after the day the world ends. Also, it won't say that on the screen. All right, here we go. Hey, guys. Below is a transcript from YouTube comedian Daniel Songer.

Daniel performs for a crowd of zero people and records his sets by himself in his backyard. This is a transcript of one of Daniel's longest and least reviewed comedy acts. Ladies and gentlemen, May 22, 2011, the day after the end of the world, comedian Daniel, entertainer Daniel Songer... Hey! Daniel Songer. Hey! Daniel Songer, Comedian Entertainer, Backer Comedy Act 191.

I now have 200 uploads on YouTube. Comedy Act 19. Hey! You know what? This is the day after the end of the world. Born in hell and born again in hell. And you know what, guys? You know, I think we should all get together and all over the world and form a class action

lawsuit against a prophet who said the end of the world is May 21st, 2011 at 6 o'clock p.m. We all remember that. We all remember that. I think we should all get a class action lawsuit,

you know, and sue this son of a bitch for you caused us to be left behind, man. We're left behind, you know. And yeah, you know, I put the blame on the prophet, man. He's like saying, yeah, this is the day you're all done. And now the next day we wake up and we're left behind, man. They left us.

We're born in hell and born again in hell, man. It's like, oh my God. You know, all the Christians all over the world are so embarrassed that they decide to call planet Earth the red planet, man. Checkmate. I mean, they're all embarrassed. Lo and behold, it's a red planet. You know, everybody's faces are red, you know, it's like you know hey hey hey you know really had to go in there what is I want to tell you guys you know it's like are you up behind, you know? You know, man, we got all up behind here. We just all the arms out ourselves, you know. So you know what?

What? What? What? I want to tell everybody that this is an awesome message, you know, to be left behind. The message is that prepare yourself. You know, it's a must. Got to have a friend, Jesus. Jesus.

Prepare yourself. That's a message is that you know what? What? When the world comes to an end, only God knows that, you know? Yeah. Only God knows that, you know. Yeah. Holy God. What? Even Jesus doesn't even know it.

Only God knows when everything's going on. Comes to an end. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to come to an end with you And you know Do you want me to be behind you know Yeah

What We've been behind man Oh Uh You know what that's just uh Yeah Yeah Hotel Uh, you know what, let's just, uh... Hotel!

Yeah! Motel! Holiday Inn! It's your girlfriend! Start acting up! That's your... Then you take her friend! What? starts acting up, that's your... Then you take her friend.

What? You know what I'm talking about. Your friend, y'all. Y'all. So if your girlfriend starts acting up... Ignore her. Come my way Then you take a friend

Woo Woo Oh my god Oh my god Come quads up Oh Oh yes hello Come quads up The one and only one door number three has been taken,

and that means that your two and only two choices are how to stop a wedding or how to win a sword fight. Sword fight, sword fight. Well, you know me, Lemon. I do, I do indeed. I'm always a fan of number two. Oh, why? Never mind, disqualify.

Why don't you just get on up? I choose the sword fight. Yeah! If you learn to do that, you can do the first one. Come, Quatsop. Please tell Portland, Oregon, how to win a

sword fight. Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi. Yeah. Well, many consider sword fighting to be a thing of the past. The sword and the art of sword fighting still fascinates and inspires people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you can have a lot of fun sword fighting. You should never use weapons that could cause significant harm to your opponent.

Yeah, no, no, no, no, no. Use wooden swords or other types that won't injure you or your opponent. No, you should have endless hours of competitive fun with your friends by learning the basics of sword fighting as well as offensive and defensive techniques. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Part one. Yeah. One.

Assess your melee environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Awareness of where you are can help you assess possible disadvantages yeah yeah yeah yeah and be able to turn your environment to your advantage if you can maneuver yourself yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so you can attack it or protect yourself more effectively you are more likely to win yeah Some sample environmental elements to consider. Bright sunlight can blind if it's at the right angle, forcing your opponent to have the sun in his or her eyes

make it much harder to see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Try not to stand still. Yeah, as this allows you to avoid being hit and gives you possible openings for attacks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One, natural barriers such as cliffs, oceans, or walls cut off mobility and escape routes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I dress as Ivy. Yeah. Nah, yeah. Urban environments typically encompass enclosed spaces such as rooms or streets. That's what urban was. What? Yeah. Enclosed streets?

Number two. Grip the sword properly with both hands. Yeah. The best way to hold a sword is to have your right hand at the top end of the grip and the other hand at the bottom of the grip closer to the pommel. This will allow for a much wider range of arm movements with a sword. You will also have a much firmer hold on the sword

by gripping it this way, making it much more difficult to your opponent to knock out of your hand. Keep your elbows bent and close to your body. Number three, hold your sword in the ready position at all times. The ready position allows you to be able to react to all your opponent's moves.

Hold the sword upright in front of you with both hands so the blade is perpendicular to the ground. Holding the sword this way allows you to move it from side to side and up and down with ease. Number four. Open your body at a 45 degree angle.

Left for front or head of your right. This position allows you a firm base of support to attack from. It will also provide you support against your opponent's moves. This sounds really boring. Number five. Practice the eight different angles of attack. There are eight different basic attacking angles in sword fighting.

They are straight down from the top, straight down from the bottom, diagonally down to the left, diagonally over to the right, diagonally over to the left, diagonally over to the right, and left and right. But I'm sword fighting on an NES. Daggly over the left. Daggly over the right. And left and right. Jack Tornado's not alike. But I'm sword fighting on an NES. That checks out. Part two.

Defending yourself. Step away from your opponent's neck. The easiest defensive move in sword fighting is the simple step away. And defending. I didn't read about defending. I don't care about that. Part three. Attacking your opponent. Number one, avoid stabbing movements.

No, I don't care. Question. What does it mean when an opponent deliberately breaks his sword in front of you during a confrontation? He's a beta cuck. You've been watching my Clips for Sale channel, haven't you? Community answer.

If he breaks his blade, he is asking to be stabbed. You have been watching my Clips for Sale videos. Hey, hey, hey, hey, I have a question. Yeah? How can I become a swordsman? Get a sword? This can be achieved through lots of hard work and dedication. Train with a wooden pole

and then switch to a heavier metal baseball bat. God damn it! Well played, sir. Yeah, fine. I just like doing that. If you get the chance, if you get the chance to direct a sword fighting movie. And I can just watch like an hour and a half of basically Crouching Tiger hitting Dragon, but with this.

There's not a lot of velvet in that. I am the George Harrison of that project. Millions of my dollars are going into that. Yeah. Sold. Sold. You're sold. Shell game!

Yeah! I'm really glad to see that none of you have blown up. Let's bring the fucking heat. Shell game. You have two options. Yeah. Your option is how to, you have two options. Yeah. Your option is how to tell if someone is high. Okay.

Or I forgot how to live in a dungeon. How to live in a dungeon. Well, I'm from here, so I know how to tell if someone's high, but I want to know how to live in a dungeon. We all do how to live in a dungeon. Oh, no, really? how to live in a dungeon. We all do how to live in a dungeon. Oh, no, really? That's, you know,

leave it all in the paint, you know, leave it all in the field. You got it. Shell Game, you have five minutes to tell this crowd how to live in a dungeon. Okay. I used to feel during my segment, I did my best to channel your energies. Oh, alright. Oh, how to live in a dungeon. Well, living in a dungeon,

typically an oubliette type, not only requires basic independent skills, but a passion for living in a dark, secluded environment. Yeah, we get it! Which is

very rare among living organisms. So you're special. Including humans. Living. As most living organisms prefer well-lit areas which encourage good eyesight and a good sense of well-being. But we're all different. So let's move on.

Firstly, find a place. Yeah? Step one, find a dungeon. Find a place. Typically underground, so you have to... So you have that resemblance that applies to a typical dungeon. You know, your dark, dank, confined spaces. That's just a basement, please.

It's whatever you call it. Words are magic. Number two, stock up on food. This isn't the Middle Ages, people. Just because you prefer to live in a dingy dungeon doesn't mean you have to act like you're actually being held captive, even though sometimes it's fun. Even though it's fun sometimes.

Dungeons can be quite unreliable, people. Come on! You may wake up one morning to find your dungeon entrance sealed off from your crumbling walls due to a resident from upstairs putting up a family portrait or something. So you may find yourself... Hey, you may find yourself trapped. So food and water needs to be available at all times. Number three, find a companion.

And ignore them. Dungeons can be very socially challenging. When you are on your own for years on end in a dark dungeon, find someone who is okay with living in a dungeon. Family, friend, or

lover. Yeah! Number four! Buy air freshener. Dungeons are not ideally well ventilated, so don't hesitate to have a good stalk of oust at your fingertips. Even if you aren't living with someone, squalid living conditions can affect your health.

Number six, buy a sconce or a lamp. It really doesn't hurt to have a little light in your health. Number six, buy a sconce or a lamp. It really doesn't hurt to have a little light in your dungeon. Without enough light, how will you notice if you are pouring rat poison into your cereal bowl instead of a suspicious hole in your wall? Huh? Huh? Anybody got answers? No, you don't. Yeah, no.

Number eight. Force yourself to enjoy reading and prepare to watch the same DVD for quite a while. There isn't much signal down there for photo phones, TVs, or radio. So prepare yourself for a lifetime

of reading, millennials. Unless you would rather sit in your dungeon talking to rats. Your choice entirely. Oh, hey, and everybody, number ten, enjoy your last view of civilization. Take it

all in, people. Breathe in the fresh air. Feel the grass between your fingers. Notice a bird in the sky. Because there isn't much of anything down there except for your mud and crud. Just appreciate your surroundings and consider the choice

of living in a dungeon thoroughly. It's a big choice after all. Doing all of this will guarantee a happy life in your dungeon. So here's a question for y'all. I can't tell if this is a joke. Is this a joke? It's, and the community answer is it's kind of a joke,

but there's some real practical advice in here. You guys, we can all enjoy a joke, but we can learn from it too. So here's another question. Why would someone want to live in a dungeon in the first place? Good here's another question. Why would someone want to live in a dungeon in the first place? Good question. Good question. Don against the top answer here.

And, you know, most people wouldn't. But as the article points out, we are all different. Where can I find some appropriate dungeons? Hey, do you know where to some appropriate dungeons? Hey, do you know where to find appropriate dungeons? Go to Serbia!

You will find abandoned castles, caves, and many bombed out buildings. Locally, try to seek out caves or abandoned cellars or storm shelters. Shell game! I got a boogie. Shell game! Shell game! Our last finalist, our last reading, except for the bonus out of the night, is Jimmy Franks!

Jimmy Franks! Yeah, if you elect me class president, we're going to have Pepsi in the cafeteria and class doesn't start until noon. Abolish ICE. Jimmy Franks. If that is his real name. There's a few questions that

man has asked himself. I'm sorry. I apologize for being gendered. Humans have asked themselves since the dawn of civilization. And one of those questions is. You're not going to make me choose again, are you? And one of those questions is, should I read the article called

How to Arrive at zero and one From spaces or zeros Or how to cook lasagna in your dishwasher I don't think Jimmy Francis is any good at making choices I'm something of a I'm something of a gourmand. I'm a bit of a foodie, so I think it's clear. We're going to cook some lasagna in the dishwasher. Jimmy Franks, teach this audience how to cook lasagna in the dishwasher.

Because the only thing I love more than lasagna is hating Mondays. I don't know what that means. Okay. Here we go. How to cook lasagna in your dishwasher. Cooking a lasagna in a dishwasher isn't the traditional way to prepare the family favorite dinner, but it can definitely be a cool trick.

Impress friends and family. With a tight wrapping of aluminum foil and a hot dishwasher cycle, you can whip up some lasagna and clean your dishes at the same time. Yeah. It's a pretty standard recipe for lasagna, all the stuff that you'd expect to be in there. Part one, preparing the lasagna. Cut three sheets of aluminum foil to cover your lasagna.

Makes sense. Place a fresh lasagna sheet on the foil and spread on sauce. You can use fresh lasagna or oven-ready. You really want quality, though, so I would say spend the extra $2 and get the good stuff. Mix the ricotta cheese and spinach. I think we can just skip the rest of the recipe. Here we go. Let's get to the action here. Part two, wrapping and baking in the dishwasher.

Number one, pull the short ends of the foil over the lasagna. Grab the ends of all three sheets of foil and bend them over the lasagna. Fold and roll the ends together as though you're folding a paper bag. Folding the foil as tightly and securely as possible. Pat it down. Until it's flush over the lasagna. You want to fold the foil as tightly as you can so that no air or moisture can get inside. Oh, yeah, make it saucy.

My mouth is watering already. Number two, fold in the corners of the loose ends to seal the lasagna. Close the open ends of the foil as though you're wrapping a present. A present to yourself. We'll give her me. Folding in the corners and rolling up from the edge.

Seal the ends of the foil as tightly as you can. If you want, you can seal the edges with electrical tape. One weird trick. Don't use any other kinds of tape, though, like scotch tape or duct tape. They're less heat resistant and will melt in the dishwasher. Another tip, be careful not to tear the foil as you're wrapping. You do not want your lasagna to get contaminated with tide. Check it over before you put it in the dishwasher to make sure there are no holes or openings.

Place the lasagna upside in a flat part of your dishwasher. You can place dirty dishes around the lasagna to wash at the same time as long as your lasagna is tightly wrapped. And then you can eat your lasagna on it. It's like a cast iron skillet. It's just extra flavor. Pro tip. It's best to place your lasagna in the lower part of the dishwasher. But if there are no flat areas there, you can place it on top.

It's fine. Do what feels right. Set the dishwasher to heated dry and sanitized to add extra heat. Caliente. Put detergent into your dishwasher as usual, then set it to the hot... Put detergent... That's why I said you gotta seal it with electrical

tape, brother! You don't want that stuff getting in there. Yeah, you're all risk takers. Go for it. Then set it to the hottest possible cycle. On most dishwashers, this'll be the heated dry. It's important to put the detergent so that the dishwasher runs as normal. This is never...

That's not... Just like Grandma used to make it. Your lasagna... It's sealed, so the water and soap won't affect the taste or texture. It's fine. It's fine. Not true. Definitely don't use any heat-conserving options like cool dry or economy. Once again, treat yourself.

Don't do the water saver. Don't be cheap. What am I, a peasant? Oh, here we go. Let the dishwasher cycle for 2 to 2.5 hours. What? Remove and serve. You'll need the dishwasher to get

all the way through its cycle. Yeah. Your lasagna won't be crispy, but it should be melted and fully cooked. If it's not, try putting it back in the dishwasher for another half cycle. And question. Why would I do this?

Because you're a working mom. Why? Answer. It's a good solution for people who don't have ovens. Question. Question. Why do my lasagna taste like soap? You didn't do it right, dummy.

Does it work in all dishwashers? Yes, it will work in all dishwashers? Yes, it will work in all dishwashers if we can maintain the... Oh, can I cook lasagna in my hot tub? Yes! It's not healthy or hot enough. Yes! Jimmy

Franks! There's a number of things that I've been telling you, Portland, Oregon. There's a number of things that I've been telling you, and one of those things is that all 16 of these players have been up here for you, humiliating themselves for you. But not for your fucking adoration, but because they want the sweet prizes delivered by our secret special celebrity guest.

And it is the time before we vote that I can finally, finally announce and find out myself who that secret celebrity guest is. And that secret celebrity guest is... Oh, it's fucking Linda? Linda! Linda!

Game respect game. Portland, Oregon, I want you to give the appropriate greeting to the entire podcast ex-wife, Linda. Linda. Linda, is there anything that you would like to say to this audience who's congregated here? I'm going to tell you fuckers right now, you thought you could stop me. Got stuck in Fargo for fucking 12 hours.

As I'm laying there on the floor, I can think about this, all of you assholes celebrating wikiHow. Can you imagine coming home? You're like, I'm going to get, like, a nice two-car garage today. Oh, wait, my husband's printed something for me. I wonder if it's a love letter. Oh, no, it's about adult diaper finishes. I go into the bedroom. He's done an oopsie and needs me

to change it. So you fuckers want to celebrate wiki how. I'm fucking here and nobody's gonna celebrate it except for me. Here's this bullshit medal. I got this fucking hat.

I'm gonna give it to one of these assholes up here. And they are the only ones! They're the only ones who can like this shit. The rest of you gotta fucking stop. So to that extent, which of these four assholes would you like to earn the crown? Voting is

open now and not only do they get a special prize, they also get to be touched by Linda. Thank you. All right. Your Your winner of F Plus Live is Kumquatop! Kumquatop! Makes sense. It's very important for me to tell you that we'll be back here at the Lucky Labrador tomorrow for our karaoke party, where we will actually have the crowning ceremony that we can't do because we are over time.

We will be here for evening number two. I want to say thank you to the live production by Jimmy Franks. If you like the big board, give it up for Lemon. Original wiki how music the game show by Boots Reingear. I want to say thank you for the editorial assistance by the Lesbiathon. Lesbiathon! I want to say an extra thank you to Ball Pit for sourcing everything that I stole tonight. Thank you for everybody who posted in the Let's Talk About Winky How thread. Thank you.

B-A-L-L-P dot I-T. Let's say thank you to Additional Graphics. And Linda Sanguinary Nova. Eat shit, all of you. She says eat shit. WikiHat provided by Hollywood3Dprinting.com. They're not a law firm. They are not a mattress company.

Hollywood3Dprinting.com really made our WikiHat and Wikimetal. Give it up! Wikimetal. Give it up! Thank you, lastly, but not leastly, to the Luckery Labrador. Tip these people! Tip these people! Tip these people! And thank you

to everybody who came out. This show is dedicated to the thousands of WikiHow editors across the world. Thank you and good night!