The F Plus - out02: Let's Hit Each Other!

Episode Date: November 22, 2009

An outtake from episode seven, this one was just too precious to not give to you immediately. A straight man from Oslo goes to gay bar to demonstrate his pick-up routines. Profound madness ensues.

Hey there, this is Lemon. I got a companion piece for episode 7, Point to Shlong. I was compiling material for this episode, and when you're pouring through the innermost thoughts of the seduction community, and you're looking at their doctrines and reading them bragging about their sexual conquests, at no point do you ever really click a link and think to yourself, boy, that really wouldn't be funny to read out loud. So, because of that, I ended up with a lot of material.

And we only had enough time in the session to record about half of that. Then we lost about half of that when the thing got edited down to an hour. So, this is one of the pieces that got lost. It's 21 minutes long, and it's about a pickup artist in Oslo who goes to a gay bar to use all of his stealthy seduction moves. It's poorly written, it's confusing, it gets really strange, and personally I think it's really great and I had to share it with you. It's being read by me with some assistance from Squiddy McConwee and a couple others and I hope you enjoy it. You're a superstar at the Game Bar. Superstar.

Superstar. Anyway, so I'm gonna do this, and then Squiddy will do the other half of the dialogue. Oh, alright. Yes, you are, well, you are Hot Babe Lesbo. I really feel for posting this one.

Fucking funny story. Warning. Super detailed LR, which means lay report, plus tons of infidel fun. Infidel fun, I guess. Plus warning adult content sex scene described. I just went to town and met adult content, sex scene described. I just went to town and met Sparks and Sleazy.

We met some Oslo PUA guys who wanted to meet Sleazy. So they ended up having a shit chat. Great typo. I hope it's a typo. No, they just talked about poo. We were next to each other in the stalls.

Just a casual conversation about poo. Point the back door. We went to SparksXX's place. The king, a friend of mine called. He wanted to join SparksXX, me, and Sleazy. He is one of the most persistent guys I have ever met he don't give a goddamn fuck

he can really push it far that sounds good anyway we head to a big student party we get in, good dance floor, and we dance for a bit then I got threwed out because you had to be 20 for being on the dance floor,

but 18 being in the bar. Sleazy had some fun with girls, but Sleazy got a girlfriend he really likes, so he is happy with just teasing them like a sexy freak. He says he will keep things light, and that was fine for me. He just helpy me on Friday and taught me some step-by-step, so yeah, I learned something anyway, smiley face. And hell, guys, it's also

about having fun, isn't it? LOL! So, we got throughed out. It took a while before we decided where to go, but King decided to go to a club which was on top of a building. We got there, but the bouncer warned us,

it's a gay parade. Sparks X-Raid on the roof? What? So he left to go to another club meeting people, but Sleazy, King King and myself were ready. We got in. Or the gay parade. Well, less girls than we expected, but there were a few hot targets.

I spot a hot Asian. I touch her and look her deeply in the eyes. She gives a good vibe. I pull her in and dance with, and got some good tension going. But! Guess what? What? Fuck! It was the lady

boy! What? Nah! Na-na-na-na-na-na! Who would have thought that a gay bar would have people in drag, and that there would not be less girls than you expected. So I just suddenly

suddenly runned away. Help, sleazy! You know how he knew when he pointed to Sloan, he was pointing to her crotch. Oh god! My finger always points to Shlong. It's never wrong!

It's a magical Shlong-finding finger. Anyway, Sleazy was already having some fun doing some fancy dance moves with a chick while gay men around were making out. Fucking hilarious! What? Alright. What?

Gay men kissing is funny, I guess. Anyway, I danced for myself if I weren't really in state I fucked the night before. Okay? I got into convo with a girl just by approaching right after Sleazy were dancing with her friends,

so I just suddenly came in. I never talked to her fire end, so let's stop caring about her. Okay. Oh, man. When did I start caring about her? Let's just stop. Let's stop. Stop right now. Stop. We talked some fluff.

I told her I was hetero. And this easily generated a conversation about homosexuality. I told her I was fine about gays and that it wasn't a big deal. She told she had a GF. I just said, awesome!

We have something in common. She asked, oh what? And I said, we both love pussy! Oh! Lassie! I started talking about how open I was about sexuality, and she didn't have to explain herself about

loving girls and men. Okay? I said it was all about experiencing with everything. She used to be with men, but wanted to try things out. I really enjoyed it. Some gay guys came into the convo and cockblocked.

Wait, wait. I was talking to a lesbian and then I got cockblocked by some gay guys. I don't think this guy understands how things work. Yeah. Sleazy had already left the set. I went around with the king who had fun K-closing,

which means kiss-closing, gay men. What I really liked about gay men was that they were super direct. Some guys told me, if your friend wants some penis, just tell him to come here. Point to face.

Oh, man. Alright. Cool. I went on the dance floor and actually enjoyed the music. You. Sleazy and I approached some girls. Not many. He had fun. I didn't bother. I experienced with hovering gay guys to see if they

approached me. I got AIs, which is approach invitation, from them for sure, and some ass-panks. Ass-panks. Ass-panks. Gay guys know how to pick up men, that's for

sure! I talked randomly with some gay guys. Lots of fun! I spot HB Lesbo. She smiles randomly with some gay guys. Lots of fun. I spot HB Lesbo. She smiles to me and starts talking. She was not that hot. Even thought

she had some kids. And a tight body. Her face wasn't the greatest I've seen. She was an average looking girl. The reason I liked her was she I've seen. She was an average looking girl. The reason I liked her was she was fucking cool. She was old and she enjoyed dominating men.

She could give me the sex I really like. As you can see, there is a sexual prizing effect. Sure. We went to our previous target. I do believe homosexuality is just pure horniness. Are you more the curious kind or lesbo?

Well, I have been with a guy, but now I got a girlfriend and it's really awesome. In my eyes, sex is just physical pleasure. And I really like that you are so open, like you might enjoy having sex with men and women. I do enjoy my things. I like getting dominated by girls. Like getting hit while having sex. High five! High five!

Seriously, I love hitting. You seem submissive. Yes, I am. I love getting dominated by girls. Sadly, I don't experience it often. I mean, I can really push the boundaries in Poland. What? Point to schlong.

In Poland, I got beaded up by a chick while she fucked me. Awesome! Oh, gay guy coming in. Hey, I am X. What your name? I'll say, what's your name? I love that guy. I am Alex. Nice to meet you, sir.

My friend, the king, come in. He was on fire, lol. We talked about hitting during sex. The king de-o-menstruated some moves. Dominant one. He hit it HB Lesbo gently. The gay guy stopped him.

Don't hit her. Oh, okay. Sorry. It's Oki. It's me and Alex who got this up. It's no biggie. Yeah, bro H. It's fine.

Yeah, here's another move. He was really on fire. Let's hit each other! We all hit each other for a few minutes. Then the king left for having more fun. This is like David Lynch. It's actually more like Repo Man. I went back in after more gay guys came talking to HB Lesbo,

all her gay friends. I didn't plan getting laid that night. I wasn't horny because I fucked the day before, so I didn't bother. I spot Sleazy. I high-five him. We danced next to each other for a while. Weren't many of them there, though.

Doe fail? We danced for to each other for a while. Weren't many of them there, though. Doe fail? We danced for quiet a bit. I went around shouting, Good night out for sure! I respot my girl. She is really cool. I do enjoy talking to her. I reopen her. I reopen

her. That's not good. She gives me a beer and a smoke. Another gay guy came in. He started hitting on me. Social proof? Asking me basic

rapport questions. I told him I was hetero. He said he was really sad about it. He complimented my style and haircut. Cool! But H.B. Lesbo asked me, why are... Oh, sorry.

Why are you here, really? In the gay world, we says everything out loud. In a smiling way, of course. Just curious. Yeah. Gay man? Yeah. Tell us, dude.

All right. I am hetero coming here because the vibe is better. I am not horny tonight, so I'd rather stay here dancing with a friend. And maybe meet some girls. Who knows? I later on told them the group is still HB Lesbo me and gay man 2 I had sex with a man tranny but I didn't like it

the gay man told me a tranny isn't the same as fucking a dude I told him that I wasn't homophobic and that I could be very open but that masculine traits don't turn me on. He told me

ellipsis that I was accepted by them. They all wished me welcome to gay parade and both gave me hugs. He started hitting on me even more. Telling me I could be his hetero brother and shit giving me more

compliance. This is gibberish. H.P. Lesbo backs him off and cock-blocked him. She either got jalous, or was as if she was attracted, or was just friendly. I told her it was Okie. Hey, dude, I'm completely open. Just tell me if you want me, that's fine.

I won't judge you. I kind of do. Well, I will make it clear that I am not up for any gay sex tonight. I am just telling you because I don't want to waste your time, but I could kiss you if you want. I tongue down the gay guy in front of the lesbian and she really admired it.

We talked a bit more. She told me that with my liberated view and my view against monogamy that I was the perfect one night stand dude. Word. I added her my rules. Everything between me and her is between me and her.

Also, release yourself. I went for getting a jacket to the club soon closing. I danced a bit. Sleazy pulled some girls and teasing the shit out of them. All I know is that Sleazy's teaching have helped me a lot on the dance floor.

Dance-al-four. It's thanks to him that I got laid on Friday. I saw Sleazy dancing with a female friend of H.B. Lesbo, and I could see she was really turned on by Sleazy. But it was far from mutual, a.k.a. Sleazy not turned on. Ah, he really loves his Swedish girl. Out while I grinded, Gay Man 2 and HB Lesbo pulled me in and danced with me. But before that, Sleazy left.

He had a plane to take early in the next morning. He was heading to Sweden to meet his gif. So I gave him a goodbye hug. The party was over for a few minutes later on. I met the king and we all grouped. Since this was on the roof of a big building, we had to

get down to the first floor. H.B. Lesbo and her gay friends were in an elevator and made the place for me. Lesbo and her gay friends was in an elevator and made the place for me, but too late, the elevator was gone, so I told her I could meet, we could meet outside. King and I took the stairs. King was invited to an

after-party by a girl he met earlier in the eve. He left. I walked around a bit and spotted H.B. Lesbo alone. I'm sure she was waiting for me. I think the cougar wants me quiet a bit now. I talk to her and ask her to sit down with me. I ask where she lives, screening for logistics. She lived at a hotel.

She lives in Denmark with her GF, but was in Oslo for her dad's birthday. She was Norwegian. We have some shit chat about cooking feminism. But he said he wanted to serve feminism. It was a cookbook. Wow. Okay.

I really liked her view on it, and we agree pretty much. We also took a smoke. She told me I was the perfect man because I was raised with my mom in Paris, lol. We discussed about relationships. I changed topic, stacked, into something which could be worked as a GF destroyer. GF destroyer, hee hee. I told her about the difference between making love and having sex. Sex is not related to love, but LVOY related to

sex. She agreed. Damn, I LVOY feminists and her, the feminist itself, loved my view on girls and sex. Awesome. Wow. I'm in an altered state reading this at this point

this is this is a word journey it really is I told her I was getting a bus we walk Oslo's main street to the bus station on the way she was holding my hand

I feel she is gaming me now she grabs my arm she gives me Kino also on the way I told her my hand, I feel she is gaming me now. She grabs my arm. She gives me Kino. Also, on the way I told her that I wasn't seeking sex, I didn't need sex from a girl, I just wanted sex if she wanted to. If she wants sex, then I'm available for her. This helps to show that I will not fuck her, but I can fuck her. Frame. Showing availability without being needy.

Or maybe it's just mutual. At the bus station, there were still 14 minutes till the bus was coming and we sat on an isolated bench near. We talked. I kept talking about my sex and my experiences. Then, suddenly, she said, Stop, please I don't want to hear about your stories

With your young girls Okay Then I'm not trying to show that I'm better than you I'm just saying that I'm older and I got my experiences I know how to fuck That's cool You know, we get in touch and we are still talking

To each other for one reason you know. Waiting for you to answer while smiling. Yeah, I kinda get it. Well, no. You know I like to hit guys. You love to be dominated. And? Well, I wanna hit

Wait. Well, I wanna hit and I want you to enjoy it and fuck me really hard right now. Oki, where do you live? X Hotel. Let's share a cab. We took a cab not too far and got into her hotel room. That's part of the dialogue.

Hey, it's X Hotel. It's right by Famous Food Place. Well, no. Food Place and... The dialogue was, let's share for a cab. We took a cab not too far and got into her hotel room. I love when you narrate things. It's revealed that the whole thing

he narrated as it happened. Okay. And then the next sentence is, we took a cab to her hotel. We got into her hotel room. She took me and started kissing me in a dominant way. Then I wall slammed her.

Then she mavoied over to the other side of the room and wall slammed me. We wall slammed each other for quiet a bit. She slapped my face and callie me her little bitch. Pushed me into the bed. Pulled off my t-shirt and sucked and licked my chest and my belly. My fat belly.

Oh, God. I am yours, ma'am. Do me, mommy. Shut up, bitch. She punched me. She took off my pants and jacked me off. She took off my pants.

She took off my clothes, sat on my face, and ordered me to lick her and test her juices. She sucked me pretty well. Then she ordered me to suck her to tits. Then she slapped my face and kept

punch me with the frame as punishing me for not sucking her its hard enough to. I laid down. She righted me in various ways while hitting me and choking me.

I came after a while. The room was a mess. She took out a boodle of champagne. She purchased from the airport for cheap. Two glasses and TV in her bed. Then we slept to get her in this big bed. I got an SMS from the king. He almost got laid.

Fuck, he got the LMR. That sucks, bro-h. We slept. Next morning, she followed me to the nearest bus station and kissed me goodbye after fluffing a bit. Fluffing? Well, she had a job to do. She had to go to the set and do some fluffing.

I took the bus home. Lazy as fuck. Didn't sleep much last night. Moral? Gay parties! Rules! Smiley face that's also sticking his thumb up and he has sunglasses on his forehead. Questions?

Comments? P.S. She just cheated on her guff. Or did I remember saying I got an open relationship? Hilarious! Cheers. TVA. Wow.

I just realized, coming up, Oslo Game 2009-2010, TVA Sex Advices. It's a bit long. It's been a while. Do you have a podcast? Epic. And there it is.

Hopefully at this point you recognize just why I felt that was really worth sharing. I've been Lemon, this has been the F+, and, uh, you know, I don't actually know who you are or what you think. But, I'd like to. I put these things up, I monitor traffic, and are you enjoying yourself? I hope so, but I'm not sure. So if you would, I'd like to. I put these things up, I monitor traffic, and are you enjoying yourself? I hope so, but I'm not sure. So if you would, I'd like it.

Come to the website, thefpl.us, comment on an episode, leave us a message, or, you know, just make fun of us. Plenty of people do. Whatever you like. Till next time, and whatever you're doing, keep it up. Point schlong. Nice and sleazy does it.

Nice and sleazy does it. Nice and sleazy does it. Does it every time.