The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 708: Josh Wolf

Episode Date: July 14, 2021

Josh Wolf is back and the guys talk their top 5 standup comedians, stories of partying with Jelly Roll, Josh's old Joey Diaz stories, baseball vs soccer, Jake Paul vs Tyron Woodley, performing at The Comedy Store after the pandemic, Brendan and Josh starting their own version of Shark Week called Hippo Week, and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Shop car insurance without shopping around, get all your options in one place for free by visiting the zebra dot com slash fighter. thezbred.com slash fighter. That's thezbred.com slash fighter. Like you just going to Airbnb now, right? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because you know what I started to think about, dude? You know what I really started to think about? Would you, if someone was like,

hey man, use mattress for sale. Would you be like, I'm not buying that fucking mattress. Never. Do you know in a hotel, that's all you're sleeping on. Other people's fuck beds. Yeah, you've ever seen when they do like the black lights dude. I brought one. Oh you did so I did a show I did a show where they were like you travel one of the things we want you to do is bring a breath black light to your room The black light so the curtains are gross

But the bathroom walls it's like people are coming and just throwing it. Just bustin' all the time. Just fuckin' but just like throwing it at the wall. Like what? Shoot ropes. I dude! But I've never been that excited in a hotel bathroom to fuckin' shoot. You know jumpin' over the sink? Yeah.

The dirtiest thing is the phones and the remote control. Somebody thinks about that. But they never watch the remote or the phones. I. We got everyone's fuckin' grimy hands if they're doing God's nose. What? You know what? Horde in there and then picking up the phone like,

hey, how's it going? Maybe you know send me a water. Yeah. I need more towels. And then you're picking up the phone. They don't clean those. I don't fuck with hotels anymore. No, you can't.

Thank God. I'm at a level now. Thank God I don't have to do hotels. I see, I don't mind a hotel man, but a level now. I don't think I don't have to do hotels. I see I don't mind a hotel man But a nice hotel, but if you are like if the black light is like Look if you're staying in a place where people are jerking off in the mirror over the sink where you brush your teeth. Yeah Here's thing Papa. They're doing an even in four seasons though. I know. It's just a thing especially in four seasons Yeah, dude the freaks of four seasons the white That's just a thing. Especially in four seasons. Yeah, dude. The freaks of four seasons, the white, rich freaks in there.

There's just used to having people clean up for them. Yeah, or it's like the celebrity who's staying there, you know. Dude, I stayed in a hotel once in Atlanta, right? And this is again, back before I was staying in places where this wouldn't happen. And I sat down and it had like a living room and a bedroom. And I was like, oh, it's fancy this room.

And you know what I mean? And so I sat down on the couch and I was wearing shorts. Not too often in my wearing shorts, big. I've never seen you in shorts. There's a reason. Have you ever seen how pale my legs are? Yeah, they're palants, thin, right? And thin, yeah, yeah.

I'm some thin. Daintain English. So I sat down on the couch and I felt like a jab in my leg, in my hamstring, and I was like, what the? Tell me it was a needle. My man, it was a, someone had picked the toenail off their big toe and stuck it in the couch so it was sticking straight out.

Oh, wow. So, and I, and it jabbed the back of my leg. Now I didn't take it out of the couch because I was like, if this happened to me, it's gonna have to have to have to. and it jabbed the back of my leg. Now, I didn't take it out of the couch because I was like, if this happened to me, it's gonna have to have to have to have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was one of the grossest,

it was right around the time where I was like, I'm picking my own hotel from here on out. Yeah, it's tough. I think the only hotel I stand is the hotel Emma in San Antonio, that's my favorite hotel. Outside that man, especially like pandemic era, when I was torn to the pandemic hotels were such a bummer. Yeah. There's no room service. They they cut down the staff.

Everybody's depressed. Everybody's in mask. So I was like, oh, yeah, they're like, if you could wash your own towels, you're like, motherfucker. Oh, they don't clean the room. Nobody's cleaning the room. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But some of the Airbnb's getting a little dicey. Like, we got one in Austin. There's I traveled like a squad. There's like eight of us. So we got one in Austin. And pictures looked sick. Well dude, it was straight up somebody's,

somebody straight up family home dude. There was the kids money in the piggy bank. No. Yeah, and my, my, my, We're the, we're the pick. So I, the one thing about those houses, I don't like, if you have your family pictures in the wall, I can't fuck with that. I can't be in somebody's house like but it was like

They just and it was these doctors We found these like Indian doctors and their whole families there like it's six kids or whatever So there's all these rooms, but it's all their kids stuff is in there So that means like they're like hey kids so I'm booked it for next weekend. So we gotta get our shit Now here's the thing we got our shit and go to the guest room Up right there. So no, it's specifically said do not go to the the guest room And I'm like, why the fuck where would they give me the guest room? Well, that's because all of them move there while we're there So it was like houses here detach

guest house and they're all in the guest house So they're doing their thing like looking at us house and they're all in the guest house. So they're doing their thing like looking at us. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you, man, but I don't think that I could go back and live in my house. Because at first of all, I don't know what people are doing in my kids' beds. That's what's weird. Like, you got comics in your kids' bed and your kid left this piggy bank and then the kids like, like, they have their medication still in the drawers and chits. So obviously, I'm going through all the medication. There's been good news and he drugs, you know?

It's funny, by the way. So, you know, I'm on Joe Diaz for a long time. And he and I, when we were doing drugs and didn't have any money, we used to leave IOUs and my son's piggy bank. Oh, layers. And so, years later, when I finally went through there, I'm like, let's see how much money you got. I found like $400 an IOUs from me in general.

Oh, oh. It was like, IOU, 20 bucks dog. Yeah, sorry, sorry, dog. I needed some blue Jack. No. It was like, I owe you 20 bucks, don't you? Sorry, sorry, don't. I needed some blue dog. Yeah. He was like, what are these? I was like, where the fuck's this, my, you might want to keep that one.

That's 60 bucks from Uncle Joey there. Uncle Joey's on a bender, man. Use your cash. Do you know one time when Jacob was like two, and Joey was used to stay at my house a bunch? Jacob used to love things that made noises sure and he liked the maracas and he'd walk around maracas Shishish in his little underwear he'd watch blues clues and go yeah Shishish right and so one day I was in the kitchen and he was I heard him

And I was like what is going on and I walked out there and he had two little baggies of coke that made noise That had fallen out of somebody's pocket. Price joys. Stayed at the house. Price joys. And it was, and I was like, hey buddy, hey buddy, hey buddy.

Hey buddy, let's not open those. That's not cool, A-Poppa. Why don't you go ahead and hand those. Yeah. Fucking crazy. Yeah, have you talked to Joey since he's been out in the emergency? Hell yeah, he's happy. Is he happy? He's happier than I've He's not torn though, right? Because of COVID. He's still worried about COVID. No, it's not that.

It's not he just want to break. It's not that either. I think he is trying to figure out how much he wants to tour ever again. I think that's it. You know, man, that'd be taking a break though, taking me right? Like you're getting a lot of stuff. Unless you're stopping from doing it all together. So, you know, he used to keep this both of us. He used to just keep a notebook. Every time you went on stage and what the jokes you did, how long you did it, where you performed, what you think worked and didn't work. And Joey would set a goal for himself, monthly gigs. And I think monthly gigs for a while there, he was setting the goal for 45 sets a month.

45 sets a month, that's including the spots of the store wherever. 45 sets a month. With it's 10, 15, an hour, just counting those. 45 sets a month, yeah, I told him. 45 mics, right? And he did that, and not only that, dude, you know, he was doing it at a time where you didn't have a car.

Yep. People used to tell me all the time. I think there's like five Jodeas's, because I see one walking down the street in every part of this city. Yeah. And if you add that up, you know, he was saying the other day, he was like,

I've just, I've, I'm like, I've just, I'm burnt. I've just done it so much. I get it. And now year off, the year off man made a lot of us rethink and I didn't take a year off and I didn't take a full year off. Yeah, but still it forced us to be like, hold up. Hold up man.

What am I doing? You guys are out of your mind. Yeah, I know you want to book me four weeks a month, but it's a lot of diminishing for kids. It's a smash if you have kids. Like Tom Segura told me, like, you know, because I think comes out two beers one,

K, it's me and Segura. And I'm like, dude, you're a guy, like I never saw you around, like the store all the time, like the other guys, like I come from the Joe Rogan blue print where it's like, set, set, set, set, set, set. And I was known as like a stage hound,

where if there was an op, you know, Mike, I'm there, man. Just call me up, I'm your guy. So I was doing four or five sets every night, Monday through Thursday, then Friday on tour. So four hour, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, back home Sunday, back to the race on Monday. And I was like, time, you weren't like that. He's like, well, when I was younger, I was,

he's like, but do it, as you do it, like I build my hour on the road on Monday. And I was like, time, you weren't like that. He's like, well, when I was younger, I was, he's like, but dude, as you do it, like I build my hour on the road, man. I'm, I have kids, dude. So I'm not, I'm not out at night, dude. If I am, you know, every once in a while, I'd come out and you guys would see me, but I'm building the hour on the road. And that's what Joe Koi did,

and never made sense to me, like, oh, they're just not working. No, they are, but they're also present in their kids' lives. That's, you know, so a lot of people like the generation of comics before me, I mean, after me, I've heard a lot of them say recently because we look, man, I was the same way. I was raising kids, so I wasn't hanging out at the store. I was going to do my, and I'm a grown up, bro. What am I hanging out?

Nothing good is happening from hanging out. Maybe a couple chats with some of the guys. My hands here. Yeah, and that green room for 15 minutes beforehand and messing around and talking to everybody's great. That's great. But if you're there till two in the morning, nothing good is coming out of that.

Especially if kids got to be up at six, what are we doing? Yeah, man, and it's, again, I'm taking two hours out of their lives so I can talk to whoever the fuck about your set I don't think so yeah, and so I had a bunch of comics that are like, yeah, we always thought you were just kind of a loop No, and I was like, no, and they said as we got older we realized that you just had shit to do your priorities Dude I three kids sit at the house commitments. Yeah, yeah, so it but but hashtag good dad You bet but I'm with you writing on the road also for me is

Way better because you're writing in front of I don't want to I don't want to make it sound like The comedy store crowds aren't the real crowds, but they're not the crowds you're performing in front of on the road Well, the road is a little bit of a home game, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have more leeway. And- But at the commis store, especially prior to kind of blown up everybody going their own way,

it was like, you couldn't do new material because you were, people were there to see, it was an all-star game. Yeah. So it's not like I'd be like, I'm gonna do 10 minutes in new material, hopefully it works out in front of this crowd who, you know, Joe Rogan's a headliner and Joe Ideas is there and Sagar and you and, you know, D'Alea and these monsters.

It's like, I'm not gonna do 10 minutes of new material because then people are gonna walk out and like, Jesus Christ man, you see Rogan with the greatest thing. I see Joe Ideas, Josh Woff, you know, fucking Mark Marin, you know, Jessel Nick and all these monsters and then, see, shop dude, you see his new shit dude. So it's like, I know to get better, you have to do new shit, but I found myself doing the same set that I knew

what worked because I had to, because I had to pass that test because there's all these monsters there. But that's the trap dude, that's the comedy trap. So the comedy trap is making, okay. So when you hop on stage, especially, I mean, you still, as far as comedy goes, you're still young to come.

For sure, six years. So for you, every set should still be, how am I getting better? Yep. How am I getting better? And so the mistake is also feeding the ego, trying to feed the ego at the same time as trying to get better. And those two a lot of times don't align.

But now throw into that, feeding the ego, but then also perform a standard where you can compete with those monsters. But that's a part of, that's what I mean, is it? It's the ego, but it's an ego, but it's also, for me, it's different, right? Because, you know, people are coming with these assumptions already. So, feeding the ego, for me, it's different, right? Because, you know, people are gonna come in with these assumptions already.

So, feeling the ego, then off, so you check in that box. But here's a deal, man. Ultimately, to feed the ego, ultimately, to compete with the people you wanna compete with, you have to... Have to take those risks. Fail.

You have to get on stage in front of people who don't know you. Correct. You have to play constant away games to go, oh, this actually is funny. This isn't just funny because they know who I am. This is funny. And so the key for that is like when you go

going up in front of Rogan and those guys, where you're like, well, I want to fucking kill too, because I know they're gonna. But ultimately, to really kill, you have to eat shit for a while. 100%. You know what I mean? 100%.

And so like, it's fascinating. Like, when you see people start to take the curve of like, oh, I really don't care what they're thinking. I just want to do what I do and get better. You know who's on that curve right now? Your girl, Annie Letterman. So I think for a long time, she's great.

Great to let them in. For a long time, I think she had an idea of who she was and she tried to play into that idea. And right now, she's sure of who she is. And that kind of thing that you saw three years ago, you're like, I think that's funny, but I wish it was really, is full 100%. But she was taking risk back,

they're like, I remember seeing her like in the middle of the movie. Always taking a rest. And she'd be like the last one to go out and be like midnight. She'd be like, where the fuck you guys go? Yeah. She was like, why not? She was just doing work. But right now those risks are coming with such extreme confidence.

That's paying off. And I don't give a fuck what you think. Yep. I'm trying to find what makes me better. And like I watched your last night, and I could see her, she was just thinking, where'd you watch her at the store,

thinking and trying to find stuff, but it was so authentic, it was watchable. Yep. It was like, yeah, this is somebody that's usually finding you. Yeah, so. Are you getting up a bunch in Nashville? Yeah, man.

Let's take a break from chatting my boy, Josh Wolf, because guess what, man, it's take a break from chatting my boy, Josh Wolf, because guess what, man, it's 2020 and mental health is finally a thing. There's so many people that are struggling right now and they're not feeling like they're normal selves, right? And you know what helps with that? Therapy.

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See if it's for you because you are your greatest asset. And this episode of Fire in the Kid with Josh Woff is brought to you by BetterHelp. And you listeners and viewers, the Fire in Kid listeners and viewers, get Tim Senoff, your first month at Betterhelp.com slash fighter That's better H.E.L.P. dot com slash fighter when it comes to air buds for me

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headphones. Bentham True Wireless 2 Air Buds or any of their amazing headphones that's 15% off when you go to S E and H E I S E R dot com slash podcast use the promo code fighter. Yeah, yeah, I'm a Zany's and and listen dude, you know, I've Nashville's been such a fucking great move for me. You know, you've been LA for a hot second. Yeah, dude, and it started to take a little piece of me that I didn't realize until I got the natural. How so? Man, I'm not.

Here's my thing, you wouldn't be Nashville Ready or Bangkok Ready if you didn't go through the trials and tribulations of the machine that is LA. LA makes diamonds. Yes. Everyone who shits on it now, It's like you couldn't handle the pressure You couldn't you it's a dude were sharks out here, man. Yeah, you that's the thing

If you and we swim no one stops swimming But you stop swimming you moved to Texas or Nashville But it's different when you're you or Rogan or Sugara or these other guys were Tim Dillon or these other guys who moved because we're Theo because yeah you guys made it here. Yeah. You had a career and then you went out there. It's different. Yeah and you know what for me I was ready for it out there because look man there's

the last little bit of something that I felt like I didn't have here. For example man. You know what I never played guitar on stage here because I was just worried about what other people were gonna say. Like at the store? Yeah, man, and I'll tell you something. I love it. It's because people are like, yeah, because it's considered like almost a hacky gig. Without a doubt. But that man, the biggest mistake any of us make is like, do I like it? Then it shouldn't matter one fuck what somebody

of, because you know what, say you were like, man, I hate the guitar. Guess who's not paying tickets to come to see me? You. So why? You know what I mean? Those people aren't going to pay anyway. Yeah, and so, and I always like, I still do an hour of stand-up

and then like 15 or 20 minutes on the guitar. You do have the fuck you want? It's been- You're saying you weren't comfortable out here. I wasn't comfortable doing it. And it's- That should be on guitar and you sell 50 more tickets. Buddy, anywhere, the end it is so much fucking fun.

And at the end of the day, man, at the end of the day, I want to have fun when I'm on stage. I don't want to- I think there's a line of having fun then also making sure that the crowd digs it to because it's like I like to whatever play the harmonica, but when you get out that harmonica a hundred people leave Probably quit playing the fucking harmonica, dude I'm not I would never much you like yeah

I would never bring out the guitar in front of Mark Marens crowd But my crowd my crowd is like people who are just out to have a fucking good time. That's a home game, right? Home game. Yep home game, right? A home game. Yep. Home game. But like tonight I'm gonna bring the guitar to Supernova just to see what happens. Yeah. And I'm gonna stop apologizing in my mind for it

because at the end of the day, yo dude, I've run through, I've done a ton of stand-up. I've done a ton of material. Yeah, $10,000. And this is now what's making it extra fun for me, so I'm gonna keep fucking doing it. Because you went to the Nashville, you felt like the different pressure out there.

Not pressure, like that's the thing too. I was putting pressure on myself out here that I did not need to do. I fucked dude. Look, I know who I am, I know who I'm not and you know what at this point my career I'm a good fucking comment. Yeah, and so I don't need to prove myself to anybody sure anymore. Yep now What how do I do this so I still have fun doing that? I'm gonna do it with Joe Joe's burner I think if that guitar. Oh Joey. Yeah, I think that guitar

No, no no he's not He's an animal but I think the guitar extended has extended my life Exist and it's made it weird is all you older those are fucking dope Those are so safe right proud of you. Yeah, thanks Pratt for something I see without Puma's thank you. Yeah Not nothing wrong with Puma's because of dope. Yeah, thank you. But I think all you older heads, especially all you guys are my peers, a lot of common theme.

I don't like going to mention names that a lot of people are like, yeah, I just burnt out. I'm just, you know, you've been doing whatever six years, but I've been doing 14, 15, 20, it's like, yeah, I'm just sick of the hustle. Yeah. And they're crushing it too, but they're like, yeah, and I'm like, dude, 20, it's like, do I'm just sick of the hustle? Yeah. And they're crushing it too, but they're like, yeah, and I'm like, but dude, you're fucking

you're an 80 grand a weekend guy. I know, dude, I'm just tired, man. Yeah. Which I get. I promise you, you know what I don't do anymore with the guitar now because I'm looking forward to it so much. And you know what else I do, almost every set?

Well, for sure, people will come see me know. When you come see my Friday, early show and late show, Saturday, early show, late show, those are different shows. You're watching four different shows. So I have people come to my early shows and late shows because they know I'm not going to repeat a joke. I might, if there's like 15 minutes I'm working on, that's what I'll repeat. Yeah. Try to figure it out. I'm there, dude, to have fun. What's fun for me? Just to keep experimenting and finding. I've been reinvigorated with that move.

It's been fucking fantastic. And like I said, it's made me love standup again. So you only get up in Azaneas or the spots in Nashville? Just Azaneas, because just like you were saying with Saguora and Joe, I ride on the road. You know what I mean? I fuck about on the road. At least 10 or 15 minutes of show,

I just kinda start riffing. And I'm like, what can we find? Is it tough as, you know, I love Zaini's, but it's tough as Zaini's, because Zaini's isn't like the store where it's a comic store, like Zaini's the headliners. So the weekends, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, that's the headliners in there. It's the headliners. So the weekends Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, the headliners are there. It's a headliner club.

Well, Mondays is that you can go on and do whatever material. Okay. And Tuesdays, if they haven't booked anybody. So sometimes it's Mondays and Tuesday. Sometimes it's Monday. So what's savage is doing Tuesdays? Well, Tuesdays, you do that open. There's also an open mic.

Okay. But sometimes I'm going to come in and book a Tuesday. I think the last two Tuesdays... If they week was Joe was George Lopez. Two weeks before that was Louis CK. Super row dog. So they see Louis CK set. I was out of town. But I would see that. I was super curious. He's the one guy would stop whatever I'm doing. Go see. So what they say to you, I would do that. They said that his new material is. I'll take your time. You're talking about top five, dude.

For you, top five? Lucy K, fuck yes. Monster. Are you talking about top five ever? Or top five just right now? Definitely top five right now. But there's the conversation for top five ever, yeah. You know, I think it's left out of that top five

is Patriso Neal. And I don't know, yeah. You know who I think is left out of that top five is Patrice O'Neill. And I don't know, I don't know how that really passed away. So he's like, he's not current with the new guys. But when you think of all time, I was for sure, Patrice. Fuck. Yeah.

Fuck, he was so casually. Monster. Good at talking about shit that nobody else would say. Bert Burr's a little bit, I mean, they came up, they're cut from the same clock. Yeah. I would say burst number one right now. I don't know that you are you,

just pure pound for pound. You know, when we did, so we did a roast of David Ortiz a couple of years back when he was retiring. And I was setting it up and I asked Burst, I go, you wanna come do it. And he's like, yeah, I'll come do it. And so the night before a bunch of us, we're gonna practice our roast at Laf Boston.

And I go, you won't practice your roast? He was like, nah, he was like, I think I got it. And I was like, no, Burr, man. I was like, oh, okay. And he goes, I'm just gonna try something. That's like asking Ken Griffey, you don't take a few swing series like, no, bitch, what? Bad and bad, I'm pretty good, yeah. So tell my practice. No, bitch, what? Bad and bad. I'm pretty good, yeah. So tell me, practice. No, bitch. I'll show up to the game, dude.

I did take BP with Jr's bat. Oh, with his bat, but he's not there? No, with, out there, in the kingdom. I was touring with Larry the cable guy, and we went to take BP and Griff, when the- Can't V-Kan Griffey, Jr. When cable guy went up there he was like

He was like you want to swing my bat and cable guy was like yeah And so he said can my Can my guy take a couple swings and he was like Yeah, I guess Yeah, he was he was psyched about him. Yeah, I don't want this to touch on my fucking back Yo, first of all it was like I was like this is a little heavier than I thought But to swing with that bat, the, the kangaroo, the bad, the sweetest swing of all time. I almost broke my mind. There was logo. Oh, come on, doggy. We watched all-star gamer, the home run derby this past weekend.

I did, did you? Yeah, I did. I, I don't miss that shit. I love it. The home run derby is the most boring, fucking, it's getting better because they do like a bracket system now and like the big boys do compete in it. But your boy chin the O'Tani, what's the name? I'll tell you O'Tani. The what's the name? O'Tani.

O'Tani, what's the O'Tani? O'Tani. On my back. Yeah. That's his name. My back. But O'Tani, he was the favorite gun in it. And he hit, I think he set the record for,

he had five over 500 yards. It's in court, so we have a fever. Yeah, five hundred feet. He had five of them, but he didn't do well, so it kind of took the sales out of the sales. Because everyone's just, dude, you don't realize how famous he is. He's by far the most famous guy in baseball.

Everyone else got up, Alonzo, who's the co-homeman King, he's a monster, I think he's won Three years in a row whatever if you don't include the pandemic that off But he's a monster and like they chaired for him. Even the Rockies guy they chaffer. Dude when he got up It was like the Beatles. He's so fucking famous. He has an entire other part of the world. Yeah rooting for him Yeah, that's fine. But I'm saying in America, dude, like I know, I'll see Japan's,

you've all seen it. Pearl, I'm aiming used to travel. When Suzuki used to travel, jammed. Dude, he's bigger than all of them. Is he bigger than Suzuki? I think, dude, dude, A, he also threw a, yes, he also threw a hundred mile per hour

from that pretty crazy. Dude, he pitched and then hit, have you ever stood in a box? Normus is he a giant dude. Yeah, he's fucking how big is he speaking of giant dudes? Have you put on 49 pounds? What's up doggy? I'm seeing a lot been lifting man. What I was in first of all you have your prison shirt on Yeah, he is that is that all you're wearing? No, is your prison joints? Dude six four every bit of it too 203 pounds 203 six four 203, six four, 203. Now his team sucks cock, but he's a good fucking player.

Have you ever stood in the box with a hundred? Never. So I stood in the box. I have no desire to. When I was in high school, I stood in the box with a dude named Mark Waller, Mark Waller pitch for the braves. He actually lost the world series to the Yankees.

Well, lost, but gave up a home run that sucks. That sucks. That sucks. That's what he's known for. I know. It's a lot of work. He was throwing in high school, was probably throwing pump in 93, 94, and we were using aluminum bats and we faced them in April. So in Massachusetts, and it was cold. And none of us wanted the bat to touch the ball. You know that feeling? That hurt so bad. So there were, there were people on my, the guys on my team who were just not even swinging. And our coach was like, you guys not gonna swing,

we were like, no, we're good. We're 100% not gonna swing it. It's negative for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Any of these. I am, but that ball gets on you. That's why like, what, I think hitting a baseball is the hardest thing to do

in any professional football. I guess this, what's harder? Hitting a baseball like the hardest thing to do in any perspective. I guess what's harder? Hitting a baseball like a game winning home run in the major leagues or a penalty kick, being a goalie, stopping a penalty. Like, did you watch England versus Italy? And when they went to penalty kicks, I'm like, fuck, dude. Now granted, Italy has the best goalie in the world, whatever he's like, he won the MVP

of the World Cup, the Yerukup, but not the World Cup, the Yerukup. But, you know, he has a MVP of the World Cup, the Yerukup, but not the World Cup, the Yerukup, but he has a tough fucking, to stop those fucking kicks, and he did pretty fucking well, obviously they won. But I was seeing my head, what would be tougher? That at that level, or hitting a home run off, like Nolan Ryan back in his head. All right, so let me, for baseball,

let's start with this. The goal is to square up a round ball on a round bat. Sure. So think about how big an area that is on the bat. It's like this, but think of the air, the strike zone area. So you're not like you're squaring up like the strike zone's not like fucking six by six. Okay. Okay. So let's just talk about even if I just lob it to you. I'm in the fuck out of it But you're squaring it up is completely different sure all right, so you're squaring to hit that squared on top of that I am 60 feet away from you. Yep. Now if you Google how fast is a 95 mile an hour fastball get on top of you Things flying so you got to make a and normally that dude right here

You have to tell me what pitch is coming. For sure. So these guys can read whether your hand is here, or here, whether your hand arm slot, all of that is happening in real time. Man, a second. And then, you know what? While I promised this, again, the strike zone,

with strike zones. How are this? Slider and fastball look the same. The only difference is, is that right about there, to where the end of the table is, the slider starts to move. I have to be able to decipher that with my fucking eyes and hit something at that point that I think is gonna be moving 95 miles an hour.

But that's all you do. That's all you do is see those pitches nonstop. But now think if you're that fucking golly, have you ever seen a real soccer golly? Like like the actual goal. Yeah, it's huge. Yeah, but those do. And they're like, and they're like fucking.

So you think that's always flying. Like the best, the best kicker in the, not good. But yeah, but even baseball is fucking terrible. You get three out of 10 year you're in the Hall of Fame. Hall of Fame. Dude, with penalty kicks? At that level, you have fucking cane. The guy, like all he does is specialize

in kicking the fucking ball. Like a lot of it's just guesswork. They're like dive one way. It's 100% guesswork on those. I also, I didn't realize how fast those soccer balls are moving. Dude, yo, those are common. Like Ronaldo or Messi's kicking that fucking thing.

What is your, tell me what you think is the one job in professional sports, the one position, and I will mind is that you wouldn't want to have. In mind it would be hockey, Goley. I don't care how many pads you get on me. They would suck to get hit by it, but you get all that shit on, and then again,

you're bait, you know, they can only go through your legs right here, you know, they like stop that and they're pretty flexible. The shittiest job would be a catcher, like you're just on your knees, like a jackass the whole time. But the the work, the toughest job in professional sports is NFL quarterback, hands down. Toughest job without a doubt.

By for that. You have to come. But as far as like the most like difficult, one of those goalies during the penalty kick and let's say it's the World Cup. Are you shitting me, dude? Yeah, because you know if you let one go through somebody from that country,

you can throw urine bombs on you. Well, dude in England, the three penalty kickers, and one was like, this poor kid, he's 17, but they're black guys. The racism they got after this is not. Not. Yo, it's crazy to me the lengths that soccer fans will go to show their unhappy like the most die hard Especially in England it like that's their religion you read articles about how they were throwing like fans throw urine balloons at each other

Hell yeah, yo if I was at a red-size game and a Yankee fan was like fuck yo and they started Throwing fucking piss balls Fuck yo, and they started throwing fucking piss Like dude, what's what's wrong? What are we do? I think it's a baseball baseball game, but baseball we're out at the park like first of all How why you sticking your dick in a balloon? It's very strange. It's very it's your losers Yeah, you've got some things you work at that balloon. I have to tell you something else Just the idea and I don't know why I'm just thinking about it, but just hold in a warm balloon like that. If it's my year and I'll give a fuck.

No, dude. No, I'm not. It's all weird. You'll be a real loser, fill a balloon with piss. The first one. Because this team lost, was from... What went wrong? Where did your parents fuck up, dude?

If my kids are doing that, I failed as a dad. Without a doubt. If their first thought is, let's lobby your... Dude, if I put my son to the Rams game When he's 18 and he's like hold on. I got these balloons. I'm gonna throw out the fucking Patriots I'm like what are they filled with he's like this like I want to apologize to you man. Yeah, I fucked up as a dad. What happened? What did I do? What did I did I give you too much? Yeah, what happened? Was I not hard? Where did I go wrong? Yeah, yeah, I should have hit you more those what who do you think?

Okay, so soccer fans obviously The weirdest in that way, but as far as American sports fans Who do you think what fan base do you think is the most like off-kilter? Fuck that's a good question. You have see fans are pretty hardcore because they want to see blood. It's like gladiator So I think maybe I'm jaded because I come from that world. I've experienced it walk to the tunnel and like rip his head off. I hope you die.

Like percentage of them, what poor they fuck. What percentage of the fans are that? And what percentage of the fans? 99%. All right, okay, yeah, all right. Now, I don't know, cause you were talking about like the Red Sox was Yankees, like the Now, I don't know, because you went talk about like the Red Sox was Yankees, like the fucking, I don't know with the Vegas,

but like Raiders vs Broncos, that's in theaters. Raiders, chargers. Raiders, chargers, but now that they're in Vegas, that kind of goes away, but like chiefs, Raiders or like chiefs Broncos, it gets pretty dicey, man. Then you have C-Fans, and by the way, the, I think by the way, Connor McGregor, I think done.

He's, I think what I, that he looks like Ron Arousey to me. When he leading up to this fight, by the way, this fight. And that's why she supported him. This particular fight was the first time I was watching his interviews. I'm not greater a lot of things, but as comics,

you know one thing I think we're good at, because we see people a lot is reading them. 100%. Yeah, I agree 100% of that. And so I saw a press conference like, ah, fuck. I'm like, even I was like, I'm not paying this. I was like, he doesn't believe a single person. No, he was a version of his own self.

And I was doing it. He was doing it. He was doing it. He was impersonation of himself. Correct. And that old Connor is gone. So when I watch, I'm like, ah, dude, this is an imitation of what you used to be This ain't gonna go well. I so when I used to watch him and

As some of you came from somebody with no money. I was like, oh, I recognize this hunger I recognize this I'm gonna fucking eat you for what you you're standing in front of what I want and It seemed real to me. Like what he was saying. He believed all of it. And it was, it was witty. And it was like swag was real. And just like how witty was with this comeback. Yeah.

And man with Jeremy Stevens, the class client of who the fukes this guy. Like real Jeremy Stevens career. Like, yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was, it was on Canning. But then now, here's what, I was thinking about this last night.

I couldn't sleep last night for whatever reason. I was thinking about this for whatever reason. You think about our podcast today? Yeah, it was. But no, I was thinking about this, like, fighting is the only sport where guys get paid and they get worse. Because in basketball, like LeBron signs of a jageilin dollar deal or Dame Lillard or you'd name anybody any of these big name players, they send deals and then they feel the pressure to perform and they they they fucking get better

Like like the Greek freak signs the maximum deal and then he puts on and tries to win a championship And they when they get money they get better in other sports like Aaron judge signs a deal or fucking Homeboy the pitcher, you know these like trout and they get better because they like oh you pay to solve this money I go perform I got bring a championship to the city and finally get paid and they're like oh I'm good and they get better. Cause they're like, oh, you paid us all this money, I go perform, I go bring a championship to the city. And finally get paid and they're like, oh, I'm good. And they like, they get worse. But you know what's crazy? Besides Floyd and me with a brother and that,

it's like, they get worse. I, I, I, it, and I thought Connor was gonna be different. And I bet you there's some in football, some people get paid and take a step back a little bit to kind of, you know, preserve their careers. Not really. Like you look like even Rogers, signed know, preserve their careers, maybe. Not really, like you look at like even Rogers signed those math skills, or like Tom Brady,

it's like, like Tom Brady has all the money in them. But by the way, that's the difference. Never been more hungry. So Brady, that's a great example. And even guys like Tiger Woods. So for me, when you look at Brady in Tiger Woods and Jordan and all these guys, you know what drove them? Legacy.

I want the, yeah, they got them. I think they're like cool, check. All right, let's keep going. I want to be for a fucking best. And in fighting in MMA, it's not that way. But Connor, like when I watch this, and someone was like, he's fighting for his legacy, I'm like, if he is, he doesn't give a shit.

I agree. He doesn't give a shit. Because, you know what, honestly, the difference between like golf and whatever, basketball, is you're not getting punched in the face. Right, so if I sell my whiskey and I'm making $600 million and you're like, hey, you want to get punched in the face tomorrow? I'm like, nah, dude, I'm good.

I'm fucking good with getting punched in the face. I'm kicking that. You know, here I saw my whiskey. Why would I get punched in the face? I'm out. Shorts made this comparison. You know, I see Shorts doesn't know the fight game. And I thought it was interesting.

And he has no ground to stand on. He's like, dude, I don't know this, but this is what I think is going on. Is he's basically forced to take these fights because let's say he's making a $20, $30 million fight. It's like, you look at him and you're like, do you have $400 million? Why are you taking it?

What the fuck are you doing? He's like, I think he sold his whiskey, but the stipulation sound that whiskey is, you have to fight this many times. You can't just sell the whiskey and dip the fuck out. And at first I was like, Jesus whiskey, but the stipulation sound that whiskey is you have to fight this many times. You can't just sell the whiskey and dip the fuck out. And at first I was like, Jesus Christ, shouts. But then I was like, it's not a back conspiracy. Like, they were like, hey, we're gonna buy you out

and you can get $400 million and do whatever you want. And I'm sure, you know, Dan is involved that deal stuff like that. But you gotta fight this guy. You gotta fight this many times a year. And the many pack out fight has to go down because the more you're in the spotlight, the more whiskey we sell.

You can't just sell your whiskey and dip the fuck out. Which to all of us, common people are like, dude, just fucking quit fighting. Yeah, yeah, all the more in the world. You're like, no, I do, but basically signed a deal with the devil. Cause now I don't feel like fighting and I'm fighting these fucking savages, but this is the deal with the devil. Because now I don't feel like fighting. And I'm fighting these fucking savages,

but this is the deal that I signed. We now, again, there is no proof of anything. But when Shultz said down like, that's not a bad conspiracy, my man. I think also. And there's nothing worse when comics give their take on fighting when they have no fucking clue what they're talking about.

But with Shultz, he's getting it more into it. And he's close with Izzy, and he's a very smart guy, and he's falling to sport. And so his conspiracy and his view on them, like, that's not a far-fetched idea, dude. I think you overlooked a couple things on that. And I don't know what the fuck do I know. But even though he's not worried about his legacy,

or maybe he is, but not as much as he should be, his ego is in front of him. Ego's what got into the dance. Yes. And that doesn't go away. No. But, but to me, his ego, which is the same, is what you used to match up with his drive for this. They're not equal anymore. So he's still saying what he thinks he's supposed to say. And I don't think he wants the big thing for him is I don't think he wants the last thing for us to see is these last two fights. Agreed. That's why I think I'll fight in eight Diaz or something.

Somebody where he's got a chance. Like next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when you were watching that first round because when I heard him talk about I was punching him and I was I was like what you maybe I was watching the wrong. And I went on a long run about this on well, maybe I was watching the wrong fight. And I went on a long run about this on Blow the Belt. Is he's not living reality, is team's not living reality?

And us as Conor McGregor fans, we're not living reality. Like we gotta look at what's really going on. He's won one fight in five years, one fight in five years. How much is real? How much is that real? So real. Especially at his level. Yeah. Because even Kabee did an interview, I forget who he did with, but they asked him out retiring if he'd fight GSB

or if he'd come out and fight doesn't pour A. And he goes, I can't train at the level. I don't have the desire to train at the level that I would need to compete with those guys. And when he said that and he's regarded as the best of all time, he just didn't go on the, Josh Thompson made a the best, you know, probably the best of all time. He just didn't go on the, Josh Thompson made a great point where

he would be considered the grace of all time, but he didn't go on the long enough run because he retired at 29.0. But if he stick around, he'd be by far the grace of all time. But when Kieh-Peeb, who's a fucking animal in that training room, goes, I don't have the desire to do what it takes

to compete with those guys on a regular basis. I don't wanna do that anymore. When he says that, and then Connor thinks he can take years off or a year off, and then jump in there with the best 155 around the planet, we're on this trance because we all came up with the Connor come up and it was the most special time in sport,

maybe in sports of all time is so fucking special and I'm so grateful that for Conor for doing that But we're still in that right phase that those days are over The you kids MMA's not that sport we can take that time off Take all that time off do get rich as fuck and then come back and compete with the best guys Especially at his and he's not old But he's on the tail end of that athletic prowess. And also his dominance was at 145. That's hit 140.

So again, he's won one fight at 155. And he looked the best he's ever looked at Eti Alvarez. He was, you know, and again, you got to take the time of gravity. So many years ago. So many years ago, and it's also an older Eti Alvarez. And that was his one win at 55.

You know, so it's, when you break it down and you take out your bias of how special Connor was you like fuck me. What was I thinking? All right, I'm gonna start a rumor right now. Could you beat the shit out of Jake Paul? And what MMA you would last 30 seconds. I'll choke him unconscious Boxing yes, I could be but yes, I was a gold gloves champ. Were you wait? Yeah What about and and do you right now is Logan a better boxer or is Jake? I would say God Jake But Logan's just got a little more size Logan a size I think Jake's doing it for he wants an actual career in boxing and Logan's doing it for the payday And just to prove that he can do it like he like even with the Floyd stuff He's like it's fucking stupid, I'm fighting this guy.

Like, I can't believe we're living a simulation. That was, he's like, I have no business being able to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he ignores that and reads it and realizes how insane it is. He's like, this how fucking crazy the world is. Yeah. Like, because I'm famous from YouTube, and I have all this falling, I can fight Floyd May,

whether you know, stupid this is. Insane. Where fucking Jake is like, no falling I can fight Floyd Mayweather. You know, stupid this is? Insane. Where fucking Jake is like, no, I can beat these guys. I deserve to be here. I can beat these guys. And he's gonna learn when he fights woodly. I think it's gonna be a time. It's a different animal.

Right? Is that a huge jump? Is that a huge jump? The biggest jump? The biggest jump. Huge. I mean, you're talking about night and day. That's like going from open mics

to fucking playing at Mad Square Garden. Because you're dealing with someone who's a real legit striker. Correct. You dropped 9th and 9th day. That's like going from open mics to fucking playing at Mad Square Garden. Because you're dealing with someone who's a real legit striker. Correct. Who's been striking out wildcard at the highest level since what, 2007? Yeah.

And knockout arts in the UFC and UFC Hall of Famer. Like, it's just a different animal for him. He's gonna find out like, there's levels to the game. Yeah. Fighting just like stand up. You can't just, you can't jump the levels. Like if this is Mario, you're not going to King Cooper. You gotta go through the fucking.

You know that first, I just imagine that first, he's out there and that first jab where he doesn't even, he can't even move his hands. He's like, and he's gonna be like, got it? Correct. Yeah, okay, so I didn't get to change. That's gonna be all night. Like I can do that all night.

Is the jab, and I'm gonna ask a bunch of dumb questions to somebody who's never fought before. Go ahead. Is the jab when you can hit with the jab, is it almost like frustrating? Where you're like, it's things, where you're like, motherfucker, because it doesn't hurt, does it almost like,

is it almost like a little pink? You know what I mean? Like, it bothers you and then it starts to wear. It does the fight, I think after a time it does, but you know, it's just there to set other things up. So you're like, all right, all right, you're just waiting for the big boy. Right. Yeah. Dude, I pulled the video the other day of me sparring with my son, with Jacob.

Yeah, hilarious. How's he doing, by the way? Yo, he's still out here. You want to hear Bizarre World? Yeah. So I'm coming out. I tell him, I'm coming out for the week. I'll look around. I'll show you your place. I love to hang with you. he goes well. I'm gonna be out of town in New Mexico

He's working on an Netflix show. Okay, and he goes watch it. So he got another gig after coming center Yeah, he goes why don't you just crack? So I'm I'm crashing at his place driving his car hilarious You know what he said to me? Don't fuck my stuff up. First of all he goes for I washed my sheets I'm like for that appreciate that dude. I didn't even need that mental image. Yeah, but he goes, don't snoop in my shit. Which what's the first thing I did when I got there? After I'm a super snoopy. I'm a snoop-in-us motherfucker. You hell yeah.

One day I learned from him, he's spending a lot more on shoes than I thought he was. Love it. Yo, this dude, you sneakerhead. Holy it's a dicey world. on shoes and I thought he was. Love it. Yo, this dude, you sneakerhead. Holy. It's a dicey world. There's like a, he, there was like a lot, like a red, they're like lobster. Some kind of like, how much did you spend? Oh, were they the dunk lobsters?

Yeah. Oh, dude, he dropped a cr, either somebody hooked them up a plug hooked them up or he dropped some serious cash. Okay. Bring those up, Chin. Lobster dunks. That's, they their very expensive. Listen man, I don't do anything without cratum,

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That's their very expensive. So I go, what are these? And he goes, don't worry about that. And I said, Daddy could sell those and get a lot of cocaine if it's back in the day. I said, what? That's what it is.

It's the red ones right there. Yep. They're so sick. So I said to him, I go, where, how was it deal? He goes, I found a guy, a plug. And he's letting me pay him off monthly. Oh, interesting. Is he charged an interest? And I go, so you don't get, how come you have the shoes? He goes,

no, he said, he trust me. I'm like, this is the dumbest. What's the dumb shoe plug? Yeah. Like, hey dude, here's a shoes back. A warm on seven appearances. Here's shoes back. So, but he's got, and he's, he said. I wore them on seven appearances. And here's shoes back. So, but he's got, and he said, I'm paying the guy $100 a month, and he's letting me keep him. He's in Pay My $100 a month

for about three years for those. No, I mean, how much are the, how much? Wait, look on Stock X. I've been like, he's not what he's spending on. There are a few grand, man, for sure. Get the fuck for those shoes. Sorry, Jacob.

Sorry. Are you serious? Yeah, man. a few grand man for sure. Get the fuck for those shoes. Sorry Jacob. Sorry Jacob. Are you serious? Yeah man. Now do you have a pair of these? I do not have a pair of them. I want some though. The, I can't believe that that pair with a rubber band around the top.

Not the purple, his or the red. The red. I know, it's not showing up the one. What is your, what is your like your holy grail? I have them, I have the Yeezy's, the Nike Yeezy's, the Kanye West, that they don't make anymore. Those, my most, those are probably my most valuable shoe, those or scroll up chin. There you go. Yeah. 2800. What size shoes do you wear? 11 and a half.

Go to size this chin where it says all. Wait, he means size is all. And then go to, oh yeah. And then scroll down to 11 and a half chin. I think the 11 is the highest. No, it's not. 3400. 3400.

There you go. Because more people wear 11 and a half. They do a lot. You mean paying for quite some. Sorry, Jacob. But here, okay. But if that's this thing, you know, those shit filthy stuff. But, you know, man, the next time you ask for money,

I'm gonna be like, yo, why don't you laugh, you know? Yeah, why don't you fucking sell those lobsters and pay your rent? 34? Yo, he just got money. Doesn't he have to worry about getting jacked on the street for those? So I asked him, I said, what's the nothing. He has to worry about getting jacked on the street for those. So I asked him, I said, what's the deal with your shoes?

Are you nervous because you get some pricey shoes? And he goes, no man, I go, why not? He goes, I'm always, I always carry a knife. I'm like to do. Dude, I mean, people who rob and you don't have knives and rocks. It's not the 1940s. This isn't really. So she in LA.

Dude, they're rolling up with a fucking knife. They're coming up with some steel pipes. I'm gonna get you, yes. Yeah, just fucking LA. Yeah, dude. Dude they're rolling up with a fucking nine. They're coming up with some steel pipes I'm gonna get you. Yeah, yeah, I'm just fucking give him a bubble. Yeah, there's no and he was like first of all He was like a pretty knife and I'm fast. I'm like are you faster than a speeding bullet? You're gonna crease your lobsters You're on in a way I'm like here you go. I'm in a way now take a run withetyl crease and doing. That's a real sneaker head move. That's a flat foot. You know what's funny is a couple of weeks ago was the first time I was ever on stage.

And I sent you a picture of those kind of rust colored ones. Yeah, those are sick. And I was sitting on the stool. Those are the hork irractas? What would you send me, pictures? No, these were the cork ones that I sent. The other ones I forget what kind they were. I got the picture. They were sick. Oh, these were the cork ones that I sent. The other ones I forget what kind they were.

I got the picture. But I, I, it's the first time I've ever been on stage sitting on the stool with my foot on the stool and thought, oh, I'm creasing my shoe. Yeah. And I took my legs out straight. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, wait, I'm not creasing this fucking chair.

Yeah. Dude, have you noticed a difference in the crowds that have been coming to see you? Uh, just energy wise. Energy wise for sure. Now, my first set's an LA or this weekend. So I don't know. LA is different than the rest of the country. Yeah. But as far as like, you know, I've done a ton of Florida,

Arizona, fucking Texas, Boise, and I text you about Boise, which was amazing. Those crowds are... And especially during the pandemic, people were so grateful to be out. Yeah. Because the people that with your vaccinate or for whatever reason, you know could come out. They were just so grateful that there was something to do So the crowds have been they've been all home runs

Amazing, I keep telling you don't feel real. Yeah, that joke's not that funny. Yes. I'm telling you Let's pull it back a little. It's taking it easy. I need a good skill. Yeah, just haven't been out of the house Yeah, about six months last night at the store I need a good skill. You guys just haven't been on the house for about six months. Last night at the store, the roast battle was right next to the OR. And it was just, it was like, you would have thought people were being lit on fire. Yep.

It was so loud. But I hadn't been on stage there since last February. I hadn't been on stage there since Jeff passed away. And it was really, I think that's the first set I've ever done on stage at the store without him at the keys. Yeah. It was really, I didn't until I walked off stage,

I was like, oh, there was no Jeff. Was it weird that none of the normal guys were around? By normal, I mean, like, you know, the guys. Yeah. No because, man, I've been through a bunch of different incarnations of that place. I think you're, you've been there. That's all I know. Yeah. No, because man, I've been through a bunch of different incarnations of that place. I think you're, you've been there. That's all I know.

Right. So I've been through a bunch of different ups and downs and ebbs and flows. So you've been through it before. And I understand that that's just kind of how it goes. And it's definitely a different energy there. It's definitely a different... You're still good at energy. And Emily's running it now.

Great energy dude. The great energy. That's not a, it's not a different doesn't necessarily mean bad, you know? Agreed, yeah. It's just like, yeah, it's just a different type of energy. It felt really good man. And I love that OR, I love that room. No, there's no place better.

Yeah, I love that room. The main room is maybe my toughest room in the country. Really? Why so? It's my own thing. It's my own. You've probably ate some shit in there. Yeah. Well, that's how I'm at the improv.

Like, when I first started at the improv was the only one that gave me spots the most time. So there's a lot of nights I ate shit in there. So when I asked for like my available, someone was like, oh, yeah. You know, there's this like this weird thing. I'm sure it's like for a quarterback throwing an interception at like Green Bay.

Maybe you go back to the next year. You're like, oh, fuck. I threw that pic to the guy. Yeah, damn it. It's still out there, right? Yeah, just, it's nothing you do about it. I, I actually have, as far as bombing, I have a real short memory.

Yeah. You have a real, like a quarterback. Because, the good ones do. Yeah, man, because I learned a long time ago that bombing isn't bombing. Yeah. It's the wrong word. It Yeah, man, because I learned a long time ago that bombing isn't bombing. Yeah. It's the wrong word. It's, yeah, man.

You were not musicians. We don't get to practice our song in a studio for six months. No, I, if I'm a musician, I can practice six months, and I know it's gonna be a hit, and then I put it out. Yeah, we go through an idea. Yeah. And you're just like, well, here we go.

So that's why I don't agree. Granted, I told Louis in the highest regard, but when he says, oh, you got a bomb, 10,000, 10,000 times before you get good. It's like, maybe you weren't good at the start, dude. Yeah. Maybe you just weren't very good. Maybe it took you 10,000 to get there, dude. You know, if you ever thought about that, like, don't push that on the rest of the comics, you got bomb 10,000 times breaks, get good. And my head, I'm like, oh, you weren't very good to start. I did bomb for quite a while.

10,000, you do you do you do you do you do you do you do you? And we 10,000 sets is 10,000? I did bomb, like, you know. I'm sure he's exaggerating, but it's still, dude. I watched Brody and Joey and I bombed back to back to back for years. 10,000 though. No, not 10,000.

Because if any other line of works, like, dude, you can fuck up 10,000 times and then after that, you get good. I hate to tell you, any other line of work, you're not getting 10,000 out. No, you're not getting to 500. No, yeah, you're like, you're not good at this. This is not your- If I struck out 10,000 times before I got hit, dude, if my kid struck out a hundred times, I'm like, baseball's not for you dude.

By the way, yeah, but Lucy K said 10,000. Yeah, I fucking get that, and that was his path. That's not yours. Yeah, he should have quit. Yeah, he should have probably quit, but thank God he didn't, because it worked out, but he's the exception. I mean, maybe that's the only thing.

Maybe he was so upset, he was like, I just gotta start jerking off in front of people. Well, I mean, I- Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. start jerking off in front of people. I mean, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, it, sounds awful. I just, I would be super self-conscious what my face looked like, like drinking off. And his body, there's the whole thing's annoying me. Yeah, drinking off in front of somebody to me

has never been, no, even if they're smoking hot, it's like, well, if I'm here with my pants down, you're with your pants down. Why am I in this corner here and that corner? Why don't we do what this is made to do? Because I can do this without you here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is all the time without you here. Why am I we do what this is made to do? Because I can do this without you here. Yeah, yeah. This is all the time without you here.

Yeah, yeah. Why am I doing that? And now you're watching me? Yeah. You don't kind of psychopath you have to be to have something loose where that gets you off. That's not it for me at all. No.

Heart patch. And like, and I'll tell you something, obviously times change as you get older because I would tell you something right now, this is how old I am. I'm, this is how, my ideal threesome right now would be like, my wife and I fucking and somebody else cleaning up the house. Oh, that'd be nice.

Do you know what I mean? Or somebody else doing it? Can you go to the whole third? We're like cleaning me up so I can use this. Yeah, can you, yeah. That's, like, I told Beth, I said, we're officially at an age, where if you were like, I want to fuck all night, I'd be like, that sounds terrible.

Ah, awful. All night? No, my night of a threesome would be me, my girl, I've sex, and then the nanny puts the kids to bed. Yeah, that's perfect. But I don't have to do it. No, man, but I'm done like a third person seems like a lot of extra work.

In a lot of, you know, a lot of pressure. Pressure pressure expectations. Yeah, I don't have to navigate this. This isn't a poor no. I have no idea what I'm doing. I need to need to focus on this vagina. 100%. This is the vagina that I...

That's struggling over here. I don't need. I don't think I'm hitting this one at the top part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me focus over here. Yeah, and not like that. I don't need that. The same, the 10,000 bomb rule.

Yeah, and I don't need to bomb more than wants to in this. No, no. And I find, I think vagina's a different than dicks because most dicks, like, when you ask a guy, what do you like, you're in the one, there's like three, two, three, but you don't have to guess too much.

No, it's pretty up front. With a woman, you can either find somebody who's like, yeah, I like it slow, instead of punch me in the face. It's like, what the fuck? You went, I don't know which one to try. Then, Bauer from the Dodgers says, what'd you say? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ha, that dude.

What was he thinking? Yo, you know you're in trouble. This is when I think, without them saying anything, they know something we don't because they took all of his jerseys out of the store and they and they cut the bobblehead night. Yeah, but here's the thing. They know something, but that obviously we when I get all the information, but what's what makes me go, huh, they know more than we do because if it was just like, hey, these are the facts. This girl came over. He choked

around conscious. I have sex. Yeah, punch her in the face. these are the facts. This girl came over, he choked around conscious, had sex with, punched her in the face, these were the texts, he's never playing again. But for them to go, all right, let's look into it seven days suspension. Hey, let's extend the seven days six, and I know he's a fucking damn good picture. Yeah, but there has to be more to the story

that they haven't just like, they're like, all right, yep, he's fucking done. There has to be something more to it. Do you know what I think it is? It's complicated, I think. I think what it is at the end of the day. No, they didn't know those. They gave him a ton of money. Three-year-hundred-ten mill.

I don't know how much there's got to be a morality clause. So I bet you, I don't know. He's not a guarantee. He's not seeing all that. He wants to see all that money. He can't punch a girl in the face to get a hundred-ten mill from the dodger. Probably not.

Hard path. But I think what honestly keeps them from cutting ties is just, dude, it's sports. And can he help us win? So let's not cut the ties yet. Correct. Because he's a fucking superstar. Top 10. Yeah. We don't earn Hernandez. Remember there's like, man, he might get off.

There's rumors that the rate is like, yeah, we'll sign them. Yeah, that makes sense. Dude, when the Patriots and I'm a Patriot when they were lining up Hernandez and grown I'm sure defenses were like well what the fuck cuz they had Hernandez in the backfield Yeah slot H back. Yeah, and you're like what are they handed the ball off to him sometimes? Yeah, free Like what are we doing with these two freaks who could line up wide, who could, who can also block unstoppable. And now there are one of them is in the fucking backfield. I think of Hernandez at the University of Florida where that Tibo, who's arguing the best

college football player of all time, that Tibo Hernandez, they also had homeboy, what's name, Percy Harvin, too. Oh Jesus, that's incredible. Just unstoppable, dude. That's interesting. You say best football, college football player of all time. Yeah, there's hard to make an argument against that. Yeah, one two right one two high spends. Yeah, and he wanted to title And it yeah one title two high spends and he did you go three or four years? Thing on four. Yeah, but you look at you look at a stats compared to others like Jesus Christ dude

Yeah, I don't know his stats are nuts Oh, I'd quarterback is he gonna make you are you on board with him playing for the 100% 100% set because what they're doing I've been you know people you can ship but with urban my urban my Urban my art and Tim Tim is like his son. Yeah, so they they Tim could have been playing that I felt this entire time if you would have just Drop the ego and switched and play tight and and so finally he's been on the league. He's like alright I'll play tight end, especially with that urban Myers back. So, you know, with by signing Tim, Tim is bulletproof. You can throw all the hate you want.

I'm in social media. It does not, but he doesn't give a fuck. You don't see it. He doesn't care. I answer all your questions. I'll handle all the shit. That's what he's born to do. So you have the no one draft pick who's going to, you know, it's a learning process in the NFL. So it takes all the pressure off him. Tim can handle all of it. All of it. Because it puts the T-bo questions at the forefront. Yep. Tim's the focus now. It's actually, I haven't read that. That's actually really smart. It seems like, yeah, bring it, what do you got? You have to be able to tell Trevor Lawrence. And this is why we got him here right now. Oh, that's the first, I bet, you know, he has you got? You have to be able to tell Trevor Lawrence, and this is why we got him here right now.

Oh, that's the first, I bet, you know, he has to still make the team, you know, he has to make the 52 man roster, but before the even time they went to Trevor Lawrence, like here's the plan, to take pressure off of you, this kid's gonna handle all of it for you, man. Yeah. He doesn't care about starting, throwing touchdowns,

no, that's shit. You do what you gotta do to get ready for the season, let him handle the media. You're gonna let your kids play football? 100%. What if they wanted to get into UFC? No. That's the best one.

I mean, there's nothing you can do if they wanna do it, but. Well, you're one of your sons has more muscle tone than I do. Yes, both of them are. The one and a half year old and the five year old are kids. Yeah, definitely has bigger legs than I do. I get credit to their mom. Yeah, I get credit to the mom.

Definitely bigger legs than five year old. Yeah. I'm like, oh, this is a huge cast. Hey, huge cast. But my thing is, is like if they play pop one or whatever, he's gonna sign up for this super competitive soccer league. Like if they have the gift of it, yeah, run with it. But if they're just like middle-tier players,

no, no, blah, blah, blah. This ain't, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. No. You're not getting CT just to be a fucking Rudy on this team. Like, we're gonna figure some else out. Would you, so for me, I always jagged and played baseball. And I loved it because... You know, after we're really, anything.

Not a thing. There wasn't, now, I loved it because you know, after we're really not a thing. There wasn't now, I loved like, Troy, we was on a couple of traveling teams and it was always funny when there was that one kid on the other team, I remember Jacob showed up, we were just playing this one team that they had some bigger kids.

And you always go because I won team where Jacob was like, does the pitcher have a must? Yeah, at different level. Where you're like, yeah, and Jacob was like, does the picture have a must. Yeah, at different level. Where you're like, yeah, and he's like, and he's Puerto Rican. Yeah, is he my age? I'm like, I think so. Yeah, that Yankee Scout over there.

Not here for you. No, no, no. He's here for that eight year old Puerto Rican. Who's throwing 98 miles an hour? There was a kid legit. Yeah. So he's on the mound and Jacob, I guess maybe was 10 or 11 at the time.

And he's done, Jacob was a, maybe he was second up and the kids shakes off a sign. And I'm like, okay. And he shakes off another sign. I'm like, how many pictures does this fucking kid, he's 11? How many pictures? He keeps shaking things off. But he was throwing gas. And so.

And that kid just staying baseball and Jacob should work in entertainment. It's exactly what. Yeah. But even with Jacob working in entertainment, I guess he It's exactly what. Yeah. But even with Jacob working entertainment, I guess he's behind the scenes. Yeah. But if you want to be a comic or like an actor, that's where you'd be like, oh, fuck, dude.

Because you know how hard it is. Like it's a nightmare. Man, when my daughter, she was young and she was young. How did she do it, by the way? Eeeh. Say no more. It's, it's, quarantine has been... The worst for people like that.

The worst. Really, and having moved out in LA, it's been a... What'd she move to? No, me, I moved out. Oh, yeah, so she still here, you're out there. Not being down the street has been a real mind-fuck. I moved her into my brother's building, so he can run and check on her, but like,

you know what, man, I... For people like that, like depression, suicide, all that stuff is through the fucking roof in the pandemic. That's what they didn't take in consideration when they locked everybody down. The... Like, this would be better. Yeah, she was like the AA meetings online

don't work for me. No. Because I don't have to be present. It'll be for no one. It'll be for me to count them. Yeah, you just, okay AA meetings online don't work for me. No, because I don't have to be present. Nobody told me to count them. Yeah, you just, okay, check in and put on mute and do what the fuck you want to do. You know, dude, it's interesting that you bring that up. I, because we're obviously in completely different spaces

with our kids, mine are like, you know, big kids, big problems, little kids, smaller problems. But I constantly look back at like Raising them and like for whatever reason you try to pick a is this the spot is this the spot? Yep And it dawned on me that like There's so many that look you you're gonna say something 20 year kids that has a profound ex

Like effect on the rest of their lives. And you're not gonna know it at the time. You have no idea. Like you know the reason one of the reasons I wear hat is because when I was 12 I was washing dishes in the kitchen and my dad just walked through the kitchen and he was like, and I just remember him saying, man you have a big forehead. And the next day I was like, I'm wearing this fucking hat. And I wore hat, I just wore hat. Yeah.

Right, but when I told him that story, he did the podcast with me. It was an idea. Yeah, he was like, I don't remember. My dad did the same thing. He had, we had this, an Napoleon ice cream there. That was like chocolate vanilla strawberry. It's sandwich.

No, there was like actual, I went to tell him. It was in a box of ice cream. Nice to eat all the vanilla and strawberry. Obviously, chocolate for Nazis. So, that was box of ice cream. Nice to eat all the vanilla and strawberry, obviously chocolate for Nazis. So that was his favorite ice cream. I remember I came home from school, I was probably in fourth grade,

and I couldn't wait to eat. I was eating it, and he must have came home from work and he had the same thought, he liked the same flavors, he had the same thought like, oh, I'm gonna get home and eat this ice cream. Well, I ate all of it. So he's like, he comes and the thing's empty.

Again, he's, you don't remember it. Right. By Marley who's yesterday, he comes home on the slaying on the couch watching fucking tail spin or some bullshit that kids watch. And he goes, where's the ice cream? And I go, what do you mean? He goes, where's the ice cream?

Like, I ate it and he goes, you pig. And then that gave me, like, body tips. Stick with you, right? Yeah. It's so crazy that way to go dead. So, something, but you wouldn't be here today. If you grew up feeling good about yourself? like body tips. Stick with you, right? Yeah. It's so crazy that way to go dead. That's something, but you wouldn't be here today. If you grew up feeling good about yourself?

No, true. By the way, you picked the two professions that like if anyone was like, did Brendan feel good about himself? I don't know, he picked one job where he got punched in the face. With a shirt on. Yeah, he picked another one where he got on stage in front of strangers and tried to make him laugh. Danced like a monkey.

Yeah, he had some issues. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You picked the two jobs to feel terrible about yourself physically and mentally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

But I thought about that, man. So, because I have started to feel really guilty. Makes sense. Like, I watch the show intervention. I watch all of them. and it's on vice now. The new ones are on vice, I think. You watch those and you see like when you have a kid or a spouse or somebody who has an addiction,

the whole family has an addiction. Maybe not to drugs, but they're an ablers or the whole family suffering like a motherfucker. Now he's like, my girl, go, can you imagine if Tiger Boston had an addiction? She's like, no, I can't it'd be a fucking nightmare dude and I go I'll tell you right now. I've been an abelurge I'm an abelur now. I am my kid asked for some me price and have it. I give it to Dude so all they would I don't have that in me all they would tell me is you can't give her money

No, you got to not give her money. You can't give her money and even yo I one of the first things she said to me when we picked her up a rehab was You got to not give her money. You can't give her money. And even, yo, one of the first things she said to me when we picked her up a rehab was, you gotta stop letting me money. You can't let me money anymore. But yo, when she calls, and that's my baby girl, and she's like, I just can't make rent. Done.

Payant. There's zero percent chance. Zero. Now the experts will tell you that you're making it worse for it. And I just hit rock bottom like I get that but as a parent I don't have that in me to let them hit rock bottom. My mental image of her on the street. Not happen. Trump's anything else you can tell me. And they would say what about your mental image of her dead. And I was like but what if me putting her on the street leads to dead.

Results that and that's what all the parents say on it. And I was like, but what if me putting her on the street leads to that debt? Results that. And that's what all the parents say on it. And so, and then what they will say is, if you don't put her on the street, it's going to end there anyways. Right? And so it's tricky. It's tricky, right? Because, dude, why is it always in Canada? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the in Canada now. And the invention? Every single one's in Canada. I mean, maybe there's a lot. I mean, if I was in Canada just in the cold,

I might just sit around and drink with you. Yeah, yes, man. It's, I mean, it is a nightmare. When you watch those interventions, it's a nightmare, dude. Did you, I can't imagine having a kid on math. Did you read about like in a lot of the rivers in America that the trout the fish are getting addicted to math Because people are dumping it down into the toilet. Oh wow, so they have methy trouts. Oh damn trouts

Yeah, the trouts are fucking just rip you know the clean at the bottom of that river is clean But they're cleaning up, but those are just jacked no teeth just yeah I see it all time when we see we watch intervention so on and math or something, like I tell you what, math is tempting, because everybody's shredded. I did it one time. Oh, you did math? One time. Wow.

One time. Buckhead, is it? So, I didn't know it was math. I was in San Antonio and I was with some buddies and he was like, I'm getting coat. And I was like, this was around the time and I was kind of dabbling in it, just to see if I was gonna like it or not. And so he brought it back and he was like, I'm getting coat. And I was like, this was around the time and I was kind of dabbling in it, just to see if I was gonna like it or not.

And so he brought it back and he was like, the guy said, this is really speedy. And I was like, okay, and I took. Gok, I mean, he describes that, this one's really speedy. But like, that wasn't a long time. Not like he has euphoric, but just like, yeah. Right?

Well, I didn't know enough about it. Okay, got this from this drug dealer. The drug dealer says it's really speedy. I'm like, oh, this is probably lace with meth, dude. But I was too young. Yeah, I give you that thing. Yeah, so we cut a line and I hit it and my nose burnt in a way.

You know, it's up. Well then, but then I was like, maybe I did it wrong. Chasing the drug. Cut another line. Oh wow, good for you. So this is how I know meth people don't look great. So we were out at a strip club later that night. And when you're methed out man, I think you think you look sweet.

I think you look like fucking Tom Cruise. But you're just a sweaty guy. You look like thin layer of sweat. Yeah, you look like Val Kilmer and fucking tombstone. In every part of your body you touch is a little damp. Yeah, you know what I mean? So it's up a hot sweat. No, dude.

It's like clammy zombie sweat. I had multiple strippers, and I was like, can I get a dance? They were like, no. And I was like, well, I must look pretty. And those girls need money. Yeah, I must like, hard pass. But they need money for their meth.

And they need one any part of my meth. That's the deal. Yeah, they were like, no, you're sweaty, fuck. Yeah. We don't want any piece of that. They led me out the back door. I mean, you must've been meth the fuck out. I was yacked out.

We shouldn't have like spots and shit. I was yacked out. When they show those people on intervention, it's like, dude, so, or the source, the source all over their legs and like, I don't know how it gets there, dude. Dude, the source are like anytime, and you, like, if I was to it, like, there, dude. Dude, the sores are like anytime, and you do,

if I was to, let's say protein powder, was like, give me sores of my legs. I'm like, is that a sore? Yeah, from what, from your protein powder, I'm like, oh, I gotta stop the protein powder. Yeah, are you telling me? Like, once I got six months in, this is what gets me to,

I'm not dude, four years later, and you're still fucking with it, you know, good math must be. By the way, can I just say, that first picture doesn't look great. Do you know what I mean? Pre meth, that one I- No, there's argument four years later, she actually enhanced her love.

Yes. But look at home boy, look at fucking the night stocker, the far right one, Chin. That's got it? Yes. Yeah, dude, that is a zombie from the Walking Dead. That's the walking dead that's legit if you were like that a white walker That yeah, that is legit zombie, but if you told me hey There's something that you're doing and you walked into a doctor and you're like I have this open

Soar on my face like it's a wound and it's not healing that's how addictive methods Yeah, all my power to it at it all day. And I still look in the mirror and like, you know, you know, I'm gonna go get some more. It's kind of a gradual. I love how they see all skin. Like I'm just like, like, like, let's me on the left. I

want to look more skinny on the right. And by the way, now it's the only tempting thing for me. When I hear people say you look kind of messy, I know I know what they mean, because I'm not that far from the dude on the road. they mean because i'm not that far from the do you know that i have a pretty far not that far from that did right there

do you look at his fucking knees also died coke daddy just drink the regular coke but the sugars the least of your concern carry beauty looks great i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i think i i think i think i I mean fun, you know, thick boy on the left, meth on the right. But that is, on the left, that's like, that's dude, he's a fireman. Like, that's a firefighter. Yeah, right? Drug addict on the right.

And this thing. Also, dude, if I did all the meth in the world, I still wouldn't wear my hat that way. You just can't wear your hat that way. No, that is unfortunate. That for sure. The tight coat too. You think that I'll your hat that way. No, that is unfortunate. That for sure.

The tight coke too. You think the dog would die, man. I don't want all the sugar. Yeah, dude. That's by the way, that's like, I really got seven ones. Really? This is where you're cutting back? This is where you draw the line?

The sugar and Coca-Cola. There was a homeless dude who used to hang out in front of a comedy store. And I remember I bought him a hot dog once. and I gave it to him and he was like nah I go you don't want this he goes nah, you know it's in hot dogs those things will kill you I'm like you live in a box bro. This isn't the first bad decision you've ever made like saw you eat a shoot You want you to fucking hot dog? Yeah, who's telling you that the guy that you're talking to who's not there? Yeah, full off your toenails. It's Tuesday. You want to eat this fucking Frank? You know, how do you mind? He's all yeah, I am dude. Yeah, I am

Give us some crew events, Jen. Sure They shut the AC. I feel like I'm on that they're really trying to back on so thank God they shut the AC I feel like I'm on that they're really turning back on so thank God yeah I was about to die okay so Sasha Baron Cohen was being sued for his this is America prank with the politician more and he was the one who was being portrayed as a pedophile because there were rumors of him paying underage girls for services and- Is the alabama guy in Alabama? Yes.

And Sasha Barucho in Pretend to be an anti-terrorist Israeli, I don't know what the official term was, but he pretended to be a guy and got him on interview to make him say a bunch of stuff, do things that made him sound kind of pedophile-y. After the movie came out, he was sued for, yeah, kind of pedophile, not full on. Yeah. So he sued for 95 mil. Yeah, 95 mil. Probably hoping to settle out, but they gave him nothing, huh? Yeah, he won. The judge said that the first amendment protects him in this case. If you're suing for 95, what are you hoping for? I mean, within this, I mean, Sasha Brinkone has money,

two mil. Yeah, I mean, I'm like 90, come on, Dave. Because it's already out of the blue. $1 billion is just like, all right, do you? Take, how about a million? Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, I'll take that. Yeah.

But by the way, like, how about just don't be a pedophile? Yeah, but even to be linked to that, it's like that's where the joke came from. Yeah, that's where Susha Bancone, that's where the whole bit came from. Yeah, like you're the one with these fucking the dark cloud of pedophile. I didn't date a 15 year old.

I was like, I don't have any of that in my fucking resume, Bubbles. I gotta tell you, man, like there's so much of that. So important today, you know, people calling each other daddy and yeah I can't think of a word. I'd like to be called less in bed like if you call me dad. Well if you're a real dad Don't call me daddy. Yeah, my girl call me daddy. I think my son call me. I'm gonna do it I'm going I'm I am my dick will go soft. I'm sliding out almost immediately I'm sliding out almost immediately. I'm on a slip and slide.

It will go literally 12 to six. Directly out. Yeah. There's no way. It'd be triggering. That, I didn't never understood they spitting on each other one either. Like, you don't need to spit on my dick.

I don't need, why you spit? No, man, I don't need, yeah. Where I grew up, like, if we spit on each other, that's an aggressive like. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not it for you. Yeah. an aggressive, like... Sure. Yeah. Yeah.

That's not it for you. That's not it for you. Yeah, it's whatever, man. You know what? But you, are you spitting on each other? No. Just one way spit. Sure.

Okay, all right. What else you got to do? I... I... So last episode. It's the main part of Horn, one way spit. Last episode, we talked about a huge goldfish and apparently this is a big issue in Minnesota because a bunch of locals are taking Their goldfish pets and putting it into a lake surprisingly these Goldfishes are growing to be huge. So this is a goldfish. they found. So it's a problem, that thing's fucking dull. Because gold fishes tend to release a lot of terrible bacteria into the lake, which then fucks up the ecosystem.

Like they're not, they're not supposed to be in regular waters. That picture right there. That's a huge fucking problem. Look how small that fish's head is. That is a fat fuck. Look at that thing, they're all fat. You know it swims like this.

It can barely be used for the arms. Yeah, I have diabetes. I... But yeah, they muck up the bottom of the lake with sediments and different bacteria. Ubruting plants and chips. Or you can't eat them once they're in there. I believe that all the fishes taste something similar to carp, so it's not a great fish to eat. It's considered like junk. Uh-huh. And so what can they do? Can you just focus on one type of fish to get rid of it?

Uh, as of... I don't know, actually. A lot of people now in this particular lake, when they're fishing, they're catching a lot of goldfishes randomly, thinking that they're something else. They look fucking sweet. Yeah, apparently they can live up to 25 years. That's a long fucking long.

If nobody fishes them or eats them. Because they have no predator. Did you read about the shark that they found in the Arctic that was 500 years old? No. Yo. Oh, is it one of those green, whatever green land sharks? No, they look old.

They look old as fuck. This right here. Look at that top. Yeah, it's green. Yeah, it's 5, no, they look old. They look old as fuck. This right here. Look at that top. Yeah, it's green. Yeah, it's 512. It looks. But they look 512. Yeah, and by the way, this top picture,

this one on the top left, that one, it's eyes. It looks, it looks like one of those felt eyes that you would make like one of those Google yet. Look at that thing. Yeah, but they look like a thousand years old, dude. He's 500 years old. Do they have picked 500 years old? You know the amount of shit that that shark is seeing in 500 years and eatin and look

at that thing but off that does he not look 500 every bit like he looks 500 whole. Well great whites. I think are 80 years. Is it 80 70 or 80? Holy fuck but 500 this how fucked up humans are doing like oh you're five hundred 30 years a long I thought the great whites were like 80 were like Rock us 70 else tracks as well Yeah, but this how fucked up humans are that poor shark that's 500 who's like god damn it I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that.

I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm not gonna say that. I'm's gonna make it. I mean, sure fucks are gonna make it. Oh, let's get them out of the water and let's scrape them off to see how Yeah, it's cut its fucking eyes out and see what happens. I well there it is Great whites are really shit. I know they live 70 years Yeah, dude, but this is the thing like sharks alligator crocodile These are the thing these are the ultimate Be they've they're millions of years old and they've never had to change yeah great-wights like the ultimate better They stay this think about that a crocodile is a fucking I'm gonna watch in shark week

I Have not you know I did the show on there for yeah, I stay on shark week and I was like they're gonna run a material Fucking I mean how many times can we see the great white jump out like that? We're gonna do this every year like it's the same thing. I mean they grant many times can we see the Great White jump out? Like, do we do this every year? Like, it's the same fight. I mean, they granted, they found this one, that's 500, that's whatever. But they are switching up because now, it used to be just like, oh, shark attacks and blood

and now it's like, actually, they're pretty cool. Yeah. So now there's no cages, because what they realized the last one was watching last night is the cages make them aggressive, because it's like new to them, and so they're in cages, and now the great whites are fucking swimming fast and trying to get through the cage,

and they're like, oh, charcoes are so aggressive. Now they've evolved the shark week has, where they're not in cages anymore. They're just straight up normal people swimming with great whites, and they realize that the great whites are chill. They don't view us as food, like tiger sharks, great whites,

and so it's just the regular camera crew down there. There's fucking two giant great whites and they're just chilling. Yeah, Paul the Gilder was talking about, well you know Paul. Yeah, he was talking about that. I still like, I mean, yeah, he's shaking his head. Oh, hard past for me too. But those shark, those people that are ball deep in sharks, it's like, remember, you used to see a guy outside the cage,

like this guy's a fucking psycho pass. But now it's like, remember, you used to see a guy outside the cage, but this guy's a fucking psycho-past. But now it's like, no, it's actually safer than being in the cage. I have an idea for us. You ready for this? Yep. Okay, I know you like shark week. And what is the thing that everybody tunes into shark week four?

They want to see that somebody get mold or an attack, right? You, but we never see it, right? It's always a, it's a reenactment and those suck. But you're trying to make it real, because that's like, it's like Blair Witch. How uh uh uh it's a reenactment and those suck but sure and they're trying to make it real to that shake it's like Blair Witch how many people do sharks kill a year? ten, fifteen sure

guess who kills thousands of humans every year? hippos they should do a hippo week a hippo week do I would be so what a great host for hippo week do

dick boy national geographic I mean I have a job host for hippo week dude thick boy National due graphic I mean how many you do to hippo week hippo we have view of just people getting fucking mall by those dope hippos And you know what I showed the baby you see them run under water. Oh fantastic those little ears back They catch me. Yeah, dude. You ever seen where the boats go and the hippos just like The hippos catching on it and the guy in the boat like hey, can we go faster? It's like a movie dude. It goes on the graphic There's the gonna list of this someone in that board means like hey guys I know we're balls deep in sharks. It's getting old people are tuning out the ratings can't be good How about fucking people running underwater? It's nutsos, but not only that here's what else you get. You get funny. Hippo chasing fucking boat.

They're all fat and dope. So you know how they do this? They hold their breath. They fill themselves up with water. And they dive to the bottom. And then that's how they bounce up quickly. Do you do the one chasing the boat? This is what I'll kick off Hippo week with.

But here's another thing. You know what Hippo week has? A shark week doesn't? You know those funny videos of like, of Hippo's shitting and spinning their tails. Yeah, that's great. You know, I can never get tired of that stuff. Also, I'm I'm I'm I have my black belt in sharks. I've been watching shark week since I was a kid. I'm set dude. Look at you tell me how good sharks vision is under water. One more fucking time. I'm gonna freak out, National Gears. That is a multi-ton. Look at this fucking lizzzo of the water.

Just fucking. Come on, come on. Dude, how dope is this? And we're not into fat shaming anymore. So it's like hippos are fat, we're okay with it now. But it's good to make like highlight this thick ass animal. You're on that boat. Shitting my now if it's a shark I'm like fuck you. You come this thing.

Real tip your boat. Yeah, and now you're seeing a baby shark. Look like shit. You'll see the baby hippo. Top five cutest animals on earth without a doubt. A baby and they're all wet. Yeah, they're fun. They have whiskers. They look like the jump. You're like I like to hug that

L.O.D. Dude come on discovery that hippo. Yo, that looks like something right out of Harry Potter That looks like my son my son Boston has a little role. Yeah, that's the best Come on dude, okay, so I'm watching a show about baby hippos too So so far we've got when hippo hungry hungry hippos, what we'll call that first show. Hungry, hungry, hippo, when hippos attack. We've got a baby hippo. We've got hippo, when the hippos fart,

and they throw their... You know what, it should their pants. Yep, here's the thing. Is shark week, we can control, we realize that sharks really own a problem at this point. Yet they keep pushing our face like they're all dangerous. HIPOs, how many people a year do hippos kill? The number one killer is mosquito, mosquito week. What's up, holler?

We're not as fun. We kill a ton of people. Yeah, that's true, crock week. Yep, we're only in Africa though. That's where it gets nice. Yeah. Because America were like, mosquitoes, what? Mosquito, did you just say mosquitoes? Yeah, the number one. I watched too much animal shit.

750,000. 25,000. Because malaria, like it carries all that shit, like it's transfer and blood. Okay. Stakes. I believe that after seeing your bike. Stake week, little boring. And we're also pretty educated.

Dogs get the fuck out of my face. Dog, we, a dog, a dog, a dog. A testy fly. Hard pass. Testy fly sounds dirty. Yeah. I mean, listen, you get flies. Rock it out, we can't. Come on, board.

I'm on board. I'm a take it. But harder than the other day. Get like Tiffany Hash in the water with crocodiles. Killing estimated 500 people per year in Africa. They 200. Supergrounds. How many pounds is that?

2,750 kilograms. That's my fucking GT3. That's my GT2. I think my cars 3,000 pounds. By the way, they are incredibly aggressive. Hip-hop week, dude. But it's a tough sell because... That's not it.

But the celebrity... Well, we're not gonna get to celebrities to about season four. Right. So we're gonna shark week forever with just the experts and the sharks. It's the year you're gonna make it up. We're referring to the years that I was on the shark.

Correct. Now, it's like I was watching last night, Tiffany Hash was swimming with Tiger Sharks. They have Thor out there, fucking surfing with great whites. They're like hanging off his nuts. We had Steve out. Yeah.

That's when you run out of shit. Yeah. Just discovery, discovery. Next year it ain't happening. Do look at your ratings. I know they suck cock. Yeah, we hit bow week, dude. Sick.

We should, I'm telling you hit bow week. Oh, crush. We hip-o-we do sick. We should I'm telling you hip-o week. Oh crush is is a Absolute crusher because you can vary the programming and I've had enough by the way I love to gilder and I love but I've heard I've seen all their shows dude. I'm telling you I can I can I could I name all of them. I know all the facts about all the fucking charts if you show me one more fucking great white Jumping out of the water, biting a seal. It can't be new material. That's all old shit.

But there's nothing on hip-os. Brad, this is brilliant. I think we might have stumbled on to something. I think it's brilliant. I do too. And you're ready to host it? Yeah, I'm in, dude. Yeah!

I'm not trying to get in the water with the hip-os. No, to, no. Save that for the experts. No, no, no. But I think that's where it's challenging is like, you can't really get close to the hippos because they're so fucking big and dangerous. Like we can't get too close.

That's where discovery's like, I know, but what do we do with them? Well, is the crew, well, we put the crew in like, like some sort of armor. You can't even get them in an armor. Armor? I don't know, I'm spit on. That's a 6,000 pound.

I'm spit on ideas here, dude. See, what do you, how do you get close to them? I mean, I'm not getting, look at this. Okay. The slay single. Yeah. Tell that right now. This is, I mean, oh,

Look at her, she's like, what the fuck? Hippos raised by humans. Yeah, they live in the house. No, that's a pat, because by the way, ooh, okay. That's a good idea for about. So I read an article about people that raised the hippo until it was I think a year and a half

and then the hippo dragged the man into the water and ate him and swam away. I'm like, yeah, that's a wild animal. Dude, hippos cross so many boxes. They're thick as fuck, so I'm not body-sharing anymore. Cute baby. Cute as fuck, cute as fuck. Vegan.

Aggressive. That's popular. Vegan. Aggressive. That's popular. Vegan. Aggressive. So, which we like. Aggressive vegans. Aggressive vegans is a great name for a band of Coachella. God, that's a great.

Aggressive vegans. Aggressive, yeah, hell yeah. I'm on board. Listen, they will pitch this one. Yep. That's a great idea. Next one? Yeah.

So, some people are disappointed that Richard Branson technically didn't fly into space. A few days ago he took Virgin, his company, and they built this huge aircraft with an actual flight crew and they flew it as close as they could to the edge of space. Did you guys see it at all? I saw a flip of it. I watched it. This one's funny. So he's in this unarmored like suit and stuff

They're they're basing some fancy private jet that just kind of touches like the very top of earth and comes down And he's like giving some motivational speech while they're coming down He's like I told you if if you put your mind to it, you can do anything's like, but you have $70 billion That's why you're allowed to fly on this weird private jet and go to the top of the sky. There he is. He's doing that with his veneers and giving you some fake motivational speech. I honestly, it's hard for me to find something

that I give less of a fuck about. Then a billionaire who is spending his money on almost going to space. You know board he is, where you spend all his resources and going as high as he can in the private jet. That's all that is. I could give, like that's what you're spending your money.

But what's weird is these billionaires have nothing else to do. So it's like Kim, Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, are all building shit to get to space. They're seeing who can get their firts and off the, I get apparently he didn't get there, but so that's all they're doing because they're just bored of earth.

Also, all these people sign up for it. Fucking stupid, you gotta be the sign up for that. And even though I must let you know, he's like, yeah, people are gonna die trying to get to Mars. Like you mean the first J's, like, no, no, no, no. Listen, there's a reason that nothing lives on Mars. Yeah. And by the way, hey, instead, no. Listen, there's a reason that nothing lives on Mars. Yeah. And by the way, hey, instead of like going somewhere else

and making someplace that's not habit, like something that's places inhabitable so people can live there, how long we just fix up the place we got? Yeah, didn't you see Total Recall? Yeah, that's fucking, that's all it is. Let's fix up the place we got. And this dude for me, like,

billionaires flexing in that way I just I'm not saying I was hoping something was gonna go wrong I would have like that I was like I was like that's the story. Yeah, I would have liked a little turbulence Just to get them to be like who's dude. It's the same thing when people have they fucking Steve Jobs. Listen, fuck that guy. Fuck, terrible that. Dude, I, what he did, genius. But as a person, I read, did you read the book?

Sure did, I, you talk about jobs. I remember getting to like chapter four and thinking, where is the chapter on cancer? I can't wait to get to that chapter when I know he's gonna fucking do. For reals, what's you about four chapters in? You're like, what a piece of shit. Fuck.

And people like bow down to him like, what? I, I, I, I complete asshole, didn't play well with others. The worst father of all time. And his business partners. The people who fucked everybody. Every, everybody over. Also, was not a programmer. Just was like, hey, I think it'd be dope

if put music in this little device. And then Steve Wozniak was like, all right, I can do that. And then we'd do it while Steve went in party to walk around barefoot around the city. You know what I mean? Wozniak was the fucking man. He's still a lot.

The difference is like Bill Gates definitely stepped on Nex on his way up. He definitely did. And a lot of very successful people did. But they all got to a point where they eventually are like you were given back like feel but Gil Bill Gates say whatever you want you know his wife gives back but he's not shut the fuck about covid but yes what what what but he gives back he hit a point Steve Jobs that was never never

neither does neither does Bezos it's so so crazy. Bezos don't play that game either. Fucking crazy. But he could just donate like 500 million. He's like nah. But his wife who, you gotta divorce his wife donates like billions of dollars. But Jeff never in a came back. What's 500 million to him? Is that like 20 bucks to me?

It's like a Snickers bar for us. They said he's so rich. Like if he dropped like a hundred dollars and was like, oh fuck him, bet down to get it. It costs more money the time of him betting down do you know what there was a was on uh... so when spade show lights out was on

and i'm a great show can't believe it can't go to great show the shone uh... enough for the car to cancel to get and so uh... let's just talk about the shows that spade was on the good can't uh... uh... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha like a cancel. I'm like a cancel. There's a lot of them. I love Spade. He's a fucking, and by the way, you don't realize how talented he is, those, like the original,

Saturday Live guys, into your around him, and I saw him doing the monologue, and like being the captain of the ship, like holy fuck this dude is talented. And not only that, holy fuck. If you tell me a lot of his shows, he's been on it, been canceled, but I would tell you is, that just means he's been on And not only that. Holy fuck. If you tell me a lot of his shows, he's been on it and been canceled, what I would tell you is,

that just means he's been on a lot of shows. Correct. Every show gets canceled eventually. Correct. Also, if that show didn't get picked up, which it probably should have, but if that show didn't get picked up with him at the helm,

that show ain't gonna work. No, nobody, you could have anybody. He was so good. He's so good. And I didn't realize how talented he was in, I was on that show seven times, and whatever it was, and when I was on there out every time just blown away how talented you know what guys like that i really get at and i will tell you Chelsea was good at this

too i'm sure it what she was really good at is look they're there to anchor it right but the best shows are when they aren't the ones who have to be funny yep that they're there egos didn't get in the way of how the show was gonna run. Now, they both had the capability that if, the chemistry just isn't working. They can take over. I can come crush. They always have that.

But I'm going to let you, and he was genius at that. He would just let you crush, and he would fucking drop in a home run every now and then, but if the show was going well, there was going well. I remember that on my day, it was like me and one other comic, but if the show was going well, it was going well. I'm not sure, I'm not sure. It was like me and one other comic, then the third person was like this TikTok or whatever and he didn't book it and he came to my green room

and was like, hey listen, so there's you and other comic. I'm gonna be, depending on you and you and I are gonna carry this thing, like let them do the thing, but I'm not expecting much out of man. He's like, so I've written this stuff, but you definitely chime in. I need you to definitely chime in.

It's like, all right, dude, let's do it. But dude, to be that successful. And not only to, look, if you had Jacob working on the show and Tom Brunel and Brad Wallick, other guys created the show and buddy's of mine, but they would tell you, outside of him being a great dude and super funny, is that his work ethic.

Monster. Work ethic. And he's still there making sure sure everything is gonna go smoothly. No, he's great, but dude The difference like you're talking about the hundred dollar bill We run did a show once where I we I was on the show and I was making a joke about on spade show or okay, let's make it a joke about making a rain and I just only had two dollar bills one single dollar bills in my pocket and I just threw one of the table to the joke it's all I had for effect and he goes

what is that i go to dollar bill he goes i haven't seen one of those a long time ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He was like, does this buy shit? What's weird with my kids, like they, it's very, like they're, my parents will send him cash, like tiger cash, but they, you know, when do you ever see cash, especially even us now, but so kids growing up now, it's like cash, get the fuck out of my face, get your card out, dude. We used to do for Jenga,

one of the, because it made, we would buy, if I was gonna give him 250 bucks, I would give it to him all in one's, because when you're younger, you just have $250, they think it's your $1 million. Like you're just fucking throwing around, you're making a rain and you're bedridden, like it was a good time.

It's weird too, like when I wanted, they're dumb. When I was a kid, when I wanted a toy, right? I'd see a commercial or something. The toys were us in my town wouldn't, might have it, but if they didn't, I'd do. He can, I mean, yeah. You're not gonna find that. Now, with Amazon, my son, Cia Toy, you can go to Amazon,

click shows up either that day or the next fucking day, I'm like, you have no idea how good you have it, dude. Or video games, like we'll see a commercial for a video game on his little fucking switch. Dude, you just, you don't go and buy the game, you don't go to GameStop and get a dope game, which was the best experience ever. We literally just click on the new app go to the game downloadance right there Like you have no fucking clue dude. Yeah, when we grow up so we had no money and

I'm Jewish and so when my dad like for Hanukkah We didn't get sometimes I didn't get eight different toys I just got one toy broken up into eight bits I'm like so this is one wheel. I'm assuming that the next night. I'm gonna get another way. Yeah, yeah, Legos Yeah, yeah, I was like so I'm like let go. Yeah, yeah, yeah, when we're just putting this together It's gonna be one car. God. You just get it all at once. Yeah Sucks piece by piece dad. Yeah, what else can I do? Okay, so there's a video of the rapper

De Baby he gets out of his printer and there are two kids trying to sell him candy. And they see that it's DeBaby, it's a very famous rapper and they try to upsell him. They're selling gushers and I think fruit roll ups. And one of the guys say that he's selling the whole box for $200. The other guy says that he's selling his box for $400. They're teenagers. They're teenagers.

They're old enough to know better. Who he is. But basically the baby says here I'll buy it. One of them from each. It's got a stack of cash. I'm scared of what's going on for the buck I'm in the corner with you charge for I mean $2.00 so man, this is how that's too much I make one everything up the Which how much you up for your box?

What he say 400 you made 400 up that you said I'm for two That's what makes it. No. That count, it's 34 times two. My boy. It ain't $2.60. It ain't $2. God, it's a bomb, right, can't I? Yeah.

$2.68. What about you? I'm gonna make it $2. I'm gonna make it $2. I'm gonna to give you. See, yeah, see, see. You give me one, two. Where they, two dollars a piece?

Down the each, down the hip. You got, you use your hair man. You got, you start to play, but I was going to bless you anyway. You've got two dollars. Now you got two dollars. That'll be good. Yeah, that'll be good Yeah, be good But they've got me fucked up

I'm gonna go back to the back of the bag Do I sit up? But they've got me fucked up I used to stay in camp, they too They got no money, shit Go to the next party, teachers I love them Yo, he was ready to give them $200.

He was gonna hook him up, but they got greedy. But then he was like, how much $2? How much you get in the bag? 34, how much is that? And then that long blanks there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like $68 by man, you fucked up. Yeah, yeah.

And that was gonna hook you up, but. That's a good, I always, by the way. If there's always somebody who's like, hey, out in front of the grocery store, trying to get to Washington, I'm like, I don't need the store. Yeah, I always somebody who's like, hey, out in front of the grocery store, trying to get to Washington, I'm like, I don't need this. Yeah, I like to. How much?

Yeah, look, have you ever done any kind of cold sales like that? Oh, yeah, you sell supplements during the day. So that is a tough gig. So if I see somebody, if you get the balls to ask strangers to give you money, I'm gonna give you money. I'm gonna give you money. I'm gonna give you money.

For me. to give you money. I'm gonna give you money. I'm gonna give you money. It's getting high fee. What else you got? High fee, wow, look at you. Oh well. Barrier stuff, right? That's Barrier stuff. There is a festival, the Charlie Festival,

and you know those Carnival rides, fair rides. They kind of meshed up every now and then. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about. Check out Scary This Shade. Dude. Yeah, that's the one talking about check. I'll scary this shit Dude and the people that actually helped are are pretty badass. Yeah, watch so watch Oh shit, that was called the rainbow at e-litch guard. Look at look at it shake Look at that dude trying to hold the fence. That's the work right There's another angle It That is so frightening.

I don't know how the fuck you did off. But see how it's almost tipping over a little bit? Right there. Oh, shit. That badass goes up there and all these people that are super brave, they actually hold it and jump on it. And it's starting to slow down ya fucks I have already I would have pissed and shit already at this

okay honest that's basically it be sure you're at that not that you're gonna be at that carnival, but. Heart piss. So you're at that carnival. Are you one of the people on the fence, Lee? 100%. Are you?

I think so. Yeah, I live for this. And by the way, they're gonna need your pals. They're like, hey, you. Yeah, you can't be just this big guy walking by and they're like, he can't even cotton candy. Hey, fucking mountain. How would you come over and fucking help these innocent people?

Like, nah, yeah, I'm gonna get another turkey leg. You know what I'm saying? By the way, tell me dude, because we just touched on your size. Yeah. How much bigger do you think you are than last time? I mean, I wouldn't say bigger because I'm leaner, but stronger.

Yeah. But you both of you guys are just jacked. You should be out. Uh, she fell's not jacked. Okay, okay, all right. I love Chappelle, but you both you guys are just jacked. You should be. Oh, she fell's not jacked. Okay, okay. All right, I love shepelle, but. Yeah, but would you say shepelle's jacked? That's not how it describes shepelle.

He's a head cold, so he can't be here today, but. He called out on a head cold. Yeah, I was like, all right, well. Ah. I've been just showing seven years, but that's not, that's like Tarell Davis with his, come on, do it, it's the Super Bowl. Yeah, get in there with his come on dude. It's a super bowl. Yeah get in there. Get in there. I know you got my grains, but get in the fuck you get in there. So okay. Did you tell him? Hey, I don't need you to come in today. Why you feel like you have a head coach. Yeah, you should career.

It's a power move. I would say he's you know, he's definitely he's way stronger. Like he's been to 315 for five now. What's your gains right now? Like where you at? I don't know where I really started because I grew up in gyms like that. And then I took just a long time off. I was just riding my bike forever.

I still ride my bike, but not like I used to. So then I found this gyms who cultured right by my house and just got back into it. And so I don't know where I start from, but like I'm the strongest that I ever been like Ben 425 deadlift 600 600 And for no reason God. Yeah, that was my next question like where you just something to do. Yeah, just something to do

Yeah, I read books I read books too, but I'm just killing you to wait. Yeah Just something to do. Yeah, yeah, That's why Eric Griffin says he goes, I see him in. You know, you're crazy strong. Yeah. Why, though? He's like to help you on stage. I'm like, break this mic.

I don't know, dude. It's just something, you know. I do both. I have gotten back in the gym. You know you can do stand up and be healthy. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I definitely, I took about a year off in the gym,

which wasn't good because I got down to my Auschwitz weight. Yep. But I'm just buying, year off in the gym, which wasn't good because I got down to my Auschwitz weight. Yep. But, um, just buying starts showing out the back, dude. I didn't realize because you see yourself gradually. Yeah. It just didn't happen overnight. So I picture myself just from five months ago. And I'm lighter than maybe I was a year and a half ago,

but I don't know if I'll ever put that way back on, dude, because it took me, I'm a naturally thin dude. It took me 12 years to get up to 178 pounds. So when I lost it at my age, you're like a baby, a store, stuff like that. And you get dude and I'm not gaining that muscle back. At your age stuff, Matthew McConaughey talks about it. How, you know, he was always with a shirt off running,

shed and throwing up the Texas Long Horns and stuff. And then we did Dallas-Biers Club, you know, he was a man with AIDS. So he lost all this weight. He's like, you fuck my body. Like, he's like, I can't get back to my age. I can't get it back. No, I can't eat it.

But dude, call up the guy who's doing the Thor's diet or the rocks and just do what he's doing. And by the way, I don't let Mekanae, I mean, it's not like he's not doing peptides in HGH. I like it. Just do TRT and get the muscle back. What kind of A? Also run for governor.

But what does peptides do exactly? What are the, that's not like A? No, they, they definitely are peptides in that same family for sure. Is that a more of a recovery thing? No. There's peptides that have testosterone like... So would you do peptides and TRT or one of the other? You could, it depends what what you're going for.

How old are you? 38. You're the strongest you've ever been. Yeah, it seems like I'd be natural. What else you got, Jim? Oh, sweet. It's by the way, bro. Oh, yeah, these are dope.

Yeah. I've been, by the way, the Nike is a rabbit hole that Puma did not send me down. Yeah. Like, I find myself looking for shoes now that I just never did that before. Nike's been making dope shoes for a hot second, so it's a long rabbit hole.

But there's so many different styles. I didn't think I would like this style. Yeah, the Air Max, those are fucking Air Max 90s are great. Yeah, and especially from like my age, I felt like these are comfortable. Yeah, those are great. Yeah, those are cold fucking Filipino nurse, like in for a comfortable shoe. Got anything else, Jen? Yeah, this is a really cool thing in a cricket match.

Look at this girl, Hashi recovered this ball. Not long off,, long off. Good! Watch. Well, I should, oh, pal! How crazy is that? Don't have a glove or nothing? That's the well.

I guess that's Krikets rules it on those, so we play it as a kid. But if she went out, she threw it up and then went back in and died for it. I gotta tell you, I've never been so excited about something I didn't know anything about. Like I don't actually know what just happened, but it looked fucking good dope, right? Yeah, really? Yeah, those matches that were covered, they can go dates. Like cricket matches can go terrible.

Yeah, I know it's huge in India and I get it, but I don't give a fuck. I don't understand. So that was like, dude, I mean, it's not like, it's not like Sammy so hit the ball, fucking 500 feet in the air and then she like caught it. You know, and then she's all, it's pretty athletic though to have, it wasn't even fast.

Oh my God. I mean, she's all, dude, to have the presence of mind, to draw back, tap, tap and throw back in. Yeah, yeah, I mean, she's all dude to have the presence of mind to draw back Tap tap and throw back in yeah, I mean that's it's her job, you know, it's cricket. I'm just not impressed I don't really know I thought that was I thought that was super cool. Yeah, I think that was pretty good Well, you like it's not as impressive as a baby cow. I know this one this put supposedly the world's smallest cow He's full no, that's the thing so it's like a dwarf. It's like 23 months. I think oh Look Check him out. No, that's the thing. So it's like a dwarf. It's like 23 months, I think. Oh, look at those eyes.

Oh, it's a mini me. He has the head though, like a regular cow. And it's like, he's all the talking about people. Big, rolled, uh, family. Yes. Exactly. Why does the cow look like a tiny buffalo? Well, yes.

But that's an appetizer right there with the cow. That cow. You know what? He has the power, he has the power butt too. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like little people have power butts. Like you've never seen a flat ass little person. They all have asses for days.

He says that's horrible. It's all condensed, so you're not gonna have a, like even, you know, the same type, not even Asian small people. But true. That flat ass is, like even the Asian small people, I'll just have fuck you. You just talk about just regular Asian people. Like a lot of Asian people have flat asses. Like even the Asian small people just have fun today. You just talk about just regular Asian people. Like a lot of Asian people have flat asses.

Yes. Yeah, I mean, just really wanted to. There's a lot of white people in flat asses. Yeah, yeah. But then the, all small people have flat asses, dude. I guess I hadn't thought about that, but that does seem... I've given a lot of thought.

I might have to call Brad Williams. Yes, and ask. Just be like, let me pick your ass. Yeah. That'd be a weird person. He's cheeked up. Is he? There's no flat ass small people. It's just that it doesn't I mean, actually, it seems like a pretty now that I'm thinking about it. It's an absolute rule. It's a science to it. Is that it? No, yeah,

that's it. Well, you got another one. It's just a quick one. It's a Floyd Mayweather posting about Conor McGregor. Oh, I did see that. Yeah. Yeah, I did see that. Y'all got it twisted. I mean it is the internet was not nice to this No, no, no. I ate but he he he hella Mark Harley liked it. I know He's not who's hella Mark Harley. My boy. Well you eat me. Yeah, I work out with you. Yeah, the wearable. It's great Yeah, the world. We get them there. He's fucking ridiculous. Yeah, this the way that bottom. What's this one with the You eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, you eat me, to voices haters will say that's just a guy to add a shake my head. He's great. You'd love him. I love hearing him talk. He's great. It's unbelievable.

He's in Costa Rica for like fucking six years way to go. Did he leave? I think comes back on Monday or some shit, but he's been there for two weeks. He's a guy who's best lifting for two fucking weeks. Is he, does he train you or do you guys just work out together? We shall work out together, but he'll be like, hey, let's do this day. Like, all right. And has he be like, okay, let's do this thing. All right. And has he, oh yeah, there it is.

Oh, break down. One of my favorite clubs, dude. I haven't been there. Great club. I was the first comic ever to do their stage and then I went back to a few months ago, one of my favorite fucking clubs. The other thing is is what you gotta do

is a cross-street from them. Is there a triple A team? Yeah. Which is the feeder team to the Dodgers. Yeah. So they have Oklahoma, I forget, they're Oklahoma City something, but it's the affiliate to the Dodgers.

Yeah. So all their gear looks like the Dodgers, but it's fucking Oklahoma City, it's my favorite shit. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board. I'm on board, I'm definitely, and I'm psyched to go there. I, like I said, I've never been to that club. Yeah, Bricktown is in, end of July, and then if you're in Nashville, I'm doing my monthly show there, which is more like a,

you know, my favorite thing about that show? Is I take somebody who's never done standup before. So say, you come out and he'll do five minutes. Kyle. He'll do five minutes. Even though he's never done standup. That's the point. You never do standup.

And so I know going in, you've never done standup before, you bring in five minutes. How do you pick them? They, we book them ahead of time. Okay. All right, and then they do five minutes. We take them off stage, me and two other professional comics, so he's re-burned.

Punch up the shit. We punch up their act and then we send them back on stage. That's cool. Dude, it is so much funnt. Punch up the shit. We punch up their act and then we send them back on stage. That's cool. Dude, it is so much fun. Do they remember the punch? So, that's the thing. We don't give them more than six or seven. We stay up on stage with them.

It's not kiltony because that's not really my vibe, but not roasted. Yeah, you not mean. No. And so, it's more like encouraging, but it's fun. It has been a- That's cool. Dude, so we do that. Plus, I have a lot of country stars that come down and do a bunch of fun shit with me. It's fun. It has been. It's cool. So we do that. Plus I have a lot of country stars that come down and do a bunch of fun.

Shabilly and then um, and then West Palm Beach and mella boy, jelly roll. Do yo, it's my brother from a thicker mother. So jelly has done this This monthly show with me every time and he comes on stage and improvs with me. We've written him some material. This dude is a beast. The real super talented and one guy. Do you have you saying with him? Yeah and improvs with me, we've written them some material. This dude is the real. Super talented. And one guy. Do you still have you saying with him? Yeah. Have you done drunk with him? He had cat and fucking Nashville twisted.

We never seen cat drunk. She was fucking bouncing off the walls, dude. I hadn't drank. But I see even I got together. I was so drunk he and I go together that night after not wanting a relationship. Oh, really? I guess so hammered after not wanting a relationship. Oh really? I guess so hammered, you got a relationship?

Yeah, what a beautiful story. Thank you, Jell-Roll. I don't want to take credit for it anymore. That's fucking Jell-Roll. Can't wait for you guys on your kids' ass story. That's a good one. We were fucked up. He got us so lit and then Theo, he's sober.

He doesn't want to be around that stuff. I'm not sober. And I like to be around that stuff. So my green room was a fucking party, dude. And it was like, like, what's her, Lucy, who runs the Xanies. She goes, it's so funny when you go in your green room. It looked like jelly roll was the sun.

And you guys were just planets orbiting around him. Cause he had this whisk, it was a tequila. From the rock. Cause it's terror, terror. I forget what it is, but it was fantastic. So he brought that for us and we're just hovering around. We just pouring it on his drink. He was like, man, you're tying this green room up, man.

Like, but I don't though, but this is how I roll. It actually is pretty tight. It was so far. Yeah, yeah, this is tight for me. So he, that's what my green room is like to. I hadn't drank in probably four years. First show I do with him. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you can't be sober on jelly roll.

It is a nonstop and then we just keep him. As he told you, so obviously big and some health issues. And he goes, I go, wow, you want whiskey as a hot drink whiskey, Bubba. He goes, I only tequila. He goes to the doctor, went up to me and told me, if you keep drinking, you get a dye. And he goes, okay, I understand that.

But if I had to drink, what would be healthy? And he told me to tequila, I'm like, dude, that checks out with me, dude. that. But if I had to drink, what would be healthy? He told me to kill him, like, dude, that checks out with me, dude. Yeah. That makes total sense. Yeah. Well, he had to.

Cheers. I've never seen anyone put it away. So we did, I, I did, he called me once. He was like, hey, when you get a couple minutes, when you come in and pop and do a little bit of my music video, and I was like, yeah. I was right near my house at Santa's pub. Yep.

And I was like, yeah, I'll come down, dude, because down dude because I love this dude. He has got the biggest heart. He's just like, yeah just the big heart of dude. So talented. So talented. So we go down. We're all in up to, we're all in up. He's so let the rhymin in 20 minutes man. So we go down there, we're shooting the video and we're sitting at the bar for part of the video and so one of the video part of the video is a bunch of us are doing shots and he's taking a pole off of the bottle of tequila that's probably being dreamy in half the bottle yes so in music videos tequila is water not in his no why would you my man no joke Took down half of the bottle and the guy who shot it goes hey We didn't get that one we got to do this shot one more time. He's all for it. And he was like okay, yeah

And but I was like dude you have six hours left. He's like yeah, yeah, he didn't you fuck but he can drink like I can smoke yeah Yeah, he's the best it's a non-stop He he's doing do of the fight campaigns. He saw a fight campaign, he attacked you, it's next fight campaign, I'm fucking there. He fly out for it. Yeah, I know that's why Tom is like, okay, if you wanna come, do it.

He fly out, and then welcome. Dude, the only complaint I have about Nashville is the weed. Is it not good? It's not legal. So means you gotta buy it. You probably never bought drugs from a drug dealer. No, no. Anybody ever drug, okay.

So my favorite, my least favorite thing about buying drugs from a drug dealer is that you had to buy, you probably never bought drugs from a drug dealer. No, no. Anybody ever, okay. So my favorite, my least favorite thing about buying drugs from a drug dealer is that you had to sit down on the couch and talk to them for half an hour before they would give you, you're like, yeah, okay, let me see, you play Call of Duty. You know what I mean? You're just like, fuck in whatever. And you're just, you're a basic, but you just give me the fucking goods.

And let me get the fuck out But not and so and the the weed comes in sandwich bags like I'm in high school I'm like listen bro. It's not L.A. Do walk into basin apple store and get the sweet in the world an apple store Is right yeah an apple store for me. Yeah, but yeah, but I've enjoyed it man and and come guys come check out the shows on the road and the guitar stuff Has been going so I just shot an hour and a half. I was like I'm gonna do every song and so I sold out two shows as anis and I did every single one of them and I had an hour and a half and it just was a fuck.

The very first I do a song about to do with man boobs so I hired to do with big titties to dance behind it. And so he was dancing shirt sure, this behind me, and did it in front of what? And it was huge tits. And did it in front of somebody in the audience? This is not scripted. And the guy in the audience stood up

and put the tip in his mountain hell yeah. And I had, I filmed it. I'm like, ah, that was, like yeah. But it was the first song. I'm like, I can't follow this. Yeah, dude. It just, just a stranger just lick another dude's sniffle.

Yeah, that's exactly, by the way. That's what I said. I go, Brad, did you just lick another dude's snipple. It's not gonna be some tits. Yeah, that's exactly by the way. That's what I said I go, Brad, did you just suck a titty? Yeah. He was like, yeah. Double D. Yeah, double D. Yeah, it's in the damn. A man double D's heavy.

It's strong. Heavy. That's a heavy titty. That's a heavy titty. You know what I mean? The man's skin is thick. That's a fight club titty. You remember, was that good?

Yeah, that's me low. Me, yeah, that's me low of titty. That's it in this house. Yeah, that's one of those meaty. Yeah, just rubber heavy tits. Yeah, that's me low. Me, yeah, that's me love to try it in this house. Yeah, that's one of those media just just rebelling. Have it, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I am LA for shows this Friday and Saturday. Eric Griffin will be with me on Friday for shows already sold out. Second show, five tickets left. Where's ha ha's is like a Toulouka Lake, right? North Hollywood, Toul look at Lake area. And then Saturday is me and Chris to Stefano. So Chrissy D. and myself will be their Saturday shows are at eight and ten this Saturday meet in the squad shop and friends ha ha's in

Los Angeles and then Tacoma Washington end of end of the month, 29th through the 31st Tacoma, Washington, yeah, great club. Chappelle Laces Out Laces and David Lucas will be with me there. And then North Carolina, August 19th, 21st. Lohoya, California, still waiting for your girl, Emily, sending the tickets for the link, the tickets. That's San Diego County Store, Lohoya, August 27th, 29th, San Jose, September 9th, the tickets. That's San Diego County store, LaHoya August 27th, 29th, San Jose, September 9th, 11th,

Santa, the big boy San Antonio Bud Light event center, September 24th, 25th, and Denver, Vegas, and Honolulu Hawaii. Get tickets, FATKZ.com or thickboy.com. All right, kids, Josh, love you, man. Thank you. Always want to tell you this, man, you know, last year the show went through some shit

with Brian being gone. You're the only guy who stepped up to the plate. So I'm forever grateful for you you man. I always want to tell you this man. You know, last year, the show went through some shit with Brian being gone. You the only guy who stepped up to the plate. So I'm forever grateful for you man. Love you, dude. Listen to specials place. I appreciate it man and I will tell you this. I consider you to be a good friend of mine. Super close.

So zero fucks with other people I'd say or anything like that. Yeah. Always anytime you need it. Yeah. Thank God. Love you man. Always anything. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know. Let me know.

Let me know. Yeah. Thank you. I love you, man.