The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 783: Paul Virzi

Episode Date: March 24, 2022

Paul Virzi is back and the guys talk his upcoming special, Bryan's close call with gangsters, Paul ending up in a sketchy area in NoHo while filming a movie, more hilarious stories about Paul's dad, the strength of our American armed forces, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Yellowstone, Jorge Masvidal charged with felony battery after allegedly attacking Colby Covington, Mike Tyson confronting a gunman and much more!See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, B. Listen, I know Miami's poppin right out. Miami, it's this week. It's spring break, daddy. Now, there's a curfew in state of emergency, but I'm planning on people coming out Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Miami in front of the room. You should let me know that Miami improv is right outside South Beach, so you guys don't subscribe

to the lockdown. That's right. You can still come out. The shows are still popping. That's right. The shows are popping. Come see me. Then I'll be in Tampa, Florida, April 15, 16,

poor Charlotte, Florida, the side counter. Too much Florida, though. Yeah. That it isn't stop with Florida. He'll do Florida. I'll be in Tampa, Florida, April 15, 16, Port Charlotte, Florida, the side-cog. Too much Florida though. That it isn't stop with Florida. He'll do Florida. He'll do a strip of Florida. Where are you gonna be? You're doing all of Florida. I am in Chicago this Thursday, Friday, Saturday,

Chicago, Shamburg, improv. That's this Thursday through Saturday, March 24 through 26. And then April 14 through the 16th is stand up live. One of our faves, Phoenix, Arizona, Phoenix. Come get some April 14 through the 16th is stand up live one of our faves Phoenix, Arizona, Phoenix come get some April 14th through the 16th and then the big boy, Moon Tower County Festival, your boys headlining cap city, Moon Tower County Festival, two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, April 22nd through 23rd, but if you get the Moon all the big dog comics. Tim Dillon, Bobby Lee, Santino, Sarah Silverman, Tim Dillon, again, you get a bunch of it, but April 22nd through 23rd, Muntower, Austin, Texas, come get some.

But this week is Chicago Thursday through Friday. Look, man, I need some diet smoke.com. That's what I need. Do you know why? I need gummies that give me the perfect medium-high. I don't want crazy high. Dude, you eat netables? You never know what you're gonna get. I want a medium-high. Dude, but with diet smoked gummies, they deliver the perfect medium-high. They're not like they're just right. I took it. I took one. I'm not

a big weed guy. I was like, why do I feel like I had a little bit of, I was eating some, I had a little, the munchies, but I felt good. Bro, I realized I didn't even realize I was high and tell him I was like, oh, I'm high. Dude, Daddy has stayed away from that a little bit because I ate a super strong weed brownie. Oh, no, that'll mess you up. Messed me up? No, I was speaking in a different language.

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Dude, I got a tough water coming up. April 9th, 1030 AM. Are you getting your protein pattern? Dude, your boys covering all base. You gotta take your shroom tech sport. Dude, I'm telling you. I need shroom tech. I need creatin. I need protein pattern. Dude, your boys covering all base. You gotta take your shroom tech sport. Dude, I'm telling you. You need shroom tech. I need creatin.

I need protein powder. Yes. I need glutamate. On it's got you. I know they do. They got you, dude. You gotta get your sleep. Sleep's very important.

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That's audit.com-sashfighter 10% off. Paul Versey back in the house. Paul Verzi, thank you for having me. New work is fuck. The new work of that made it just hit fuck. It was hit fairly dropped especially. You're acting a little different now. You got a gold tape.

I know before it was hit, I said it was a fresh, it was a fresh, it was a fresh, you have that dog. Hey, hey, hey, hey, he's a town. No, this one I had. This one I had. It was an out though. No, this one I had. This one I had. It was an outlaw. Yeah, this one.

It was a good one, it took, dude. Okay. You were a little humble about it. That's me. That's me, you're working class Italian. What are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what are you, what. I got it. Yeah, so we're waiting. It's going to be on one of the three major ones, but we're waiting. I wanted to come and announce it. What's it called?

It's called Nocturnal Admissions. Yeah. Now, let me ask you this. When you say three of the major ones, I'm thinking Amazon Netflix and then what's the other one? HBO. Are you allowed to talk about it? You don't want to talk about it.

I was told not to talk about it. You've been in the business too long, you know, daddy? Well, what I was going to ask you is, you know, is there, it seems like a lot of people are thinking about making the move to YouTube. Is that something that you thought about when you shut down your universe? Yeah, I mean, there's always that option,

but I, you know, if somebody wants it and they have money, you know, not only money, but like, you know, like, let's just say, for example, you know, Netflix or like Hulu or someone like that. And I'm not saying that to them, talking to you, but if those people have, you know, Netflix or like Hulu or someone like that and I'm not saying that so I'm talking to but if those people have, you know, 50 million subscribers and they're gonna put it on their homepage, that could kind of, you know, listen, I have a ton of friends that have done the YouTube thing. And the YouTube thing is great. I've seen, but, you know, 10, 9 million as great as that seems, I'd, you know, Netflix has 214. I've seen it both ways. I've seen people go on Netflix and I didn't get anything to.

Like I got lost in the shuffle. I've seen some people go on YouTube and I've seen like Shane Gillis and Mark Norman, they blow up, but I've seen some people go on YouTube and like, dude, I get 10,000 views. Yeah, that's the way the game goes. I think the marketing is a big part of it. I think the clips is a really big part of it.

For sure. Putting out clips, having the clips shared on the right social media time, way the game goes. I think the marketing is a big part of it. I think the clips is a really big part of it. For sure. Putting out clips, having the clips shared on the right social media time, at the right time. The one percent. So, yeah. But I'm proud of the hour, and I think it needs to, you know, get seen, hopefully, you know. So you're releasing an hour, not a half hour, I know.

No, no, it's about an hour and four minutes. You filmed it in New York? Yeah, yeah. I filmed it. Yeah, nice. I'm excited. Were you at New York, did you film film? I filmed this one at levity levity live. Is that West Nigh? West Nigh. Yeah, I hear that's a great club

It's yeah, and when they when you see how we dressed it up It's it's like because they have the reason why I picked I did my first one in Terry town musical right which is a Which is a old real like nice theater? Yeah, haunted. What's that? Is that what they call haunted? Is it? Territory. Is this ghost in there? Yeah, I don't like shit like that. Sorry.

That's definitely not. No, he's on that. Sorry, baby. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no what he want to do is pandemic. So I was like, I want to do it somewhere that I don't want to do a small club. I don't like that. I don't like when comics are going, yeah, man, I put a special out. We put up cameras in a fucking improv. It's like, like, I'm not trying to, but it's like, yeah, it's like anybody.

It needs to look like a special. That's a problem, and everyone's putting out specials that are like, make it special. You know what I mean? Like, make it look special. You gotta make it look special. It's tough to make it, I just feel like the culture of specials is different now

It's basically an ad now to be like hey, I'm funny come by ticket see you on the road filming long sets That's not like I grew up like for a special to me was like a fucking special, but that's back there We're 12 guys were doing that wasn't say there's about five or six. I didn't say yeah exactly like you know Eddie Murphy you watched, the leather suit, the fuck. The hilarious. Yeah, like, you know, a carlin' would do on every couple years. Now, it's like, people are just like, yeah, I'm gonna do, I think I'm gonna make it a special.

It's like, what? Yeah, I did a long set last night in Brooklyn, fuck it, I'll put it right there. I'm just like, these guys getting like, fuck, in publicists. And it's like, I got a YouTube clip. Fuck you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yo, the shit, I'm like, good in Brooklyn last night. And it's like I got a YouTube clip. Fuck you. I don't do Brooklyn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh, the shit, I went good and Brooklyn last night. I think I'm gonna get a publicist to call it my special. Like, do you mean here's somebody even pizza in the front, real fast? But do you agree that there's just, there's a lot more options as the far as like how you can do a special? Which is good. Yes, you know what I mean?

And I think that, I think that now some people that are really funny deserve that. But I think that, I think that a real special will be seen. You'll know. You'll know, like when you watch it, you're gonna go, oh, this is a fucking special. But also, you're gonna go, here's a share it though, too. If it's good, they're gonna blast it out for you.

Yeah. No, that makes a lot of sense, yeah. Yeah, cream rises, man. If somebody's been in the game for 15, 20 years, slugging it out in clubs and they're murdering and then they do a special on a grand stage And it looks like a special that's gonna be if somebody's you know Seven years in like oh my agent said maybe we should call it a sped that that's happening now Yeah, they're there are and I'm not trying to talk shit about anybody and I'll never knock somebody's hustle

If somebody has a good enough agent or marker and they go hey man make that a special and we're gonna get you Sell you more tickets. I'm never gonna knock that, but the product you'll see. Yeah, social media changed a lot of that. Yeah. Before social media, you just had to rely on like two or three avenues. Yeah. And you had to be, that's why they were six or seven.

Tough. It was tough, man. You had to get passed by that. And it cost so much money and shit. And there was one dude who would always say, yeah, you're made of whether you got to to Montreal Whether you got yeah, it was unbelievable Was that one died dick there?

It's like I think takes every yeah, the sannos of comedy Yes, I remember being scared shitless about going into a Montreal addition and, and I remember and they were like, nah he's not me. And then the next year, he's funny, but I just want, and it was just like, and then I'm seeing who they're taking. And then finally, somebody said to me, they go, the only way a dude like you was getting Montreal is if you fucking blow them away. And it's undeniable. And then they told me no, I did it. I had, I, both auditions and the callback, I took the line. I did, I just, this was this was this was this was face at the time And my manager called me a call me and he goes he goes listen man. He goes

Montreal just called and said that they they kind of waited in delayed to call and this is the 100% Like almost verbatim when he said he goes this he said it was really tough call because you deserve to be there But they just can't they just they just can't get you this year. They can't get you in. They're gonna get you just for laughs and in you know, Toronto one year, he said you're gonna be you'll do Chicago. You will come to Montreal, but right now So then I just looked at him and I go, should I just not audition and because everybody saw what I did? So should I just not fuck you? It's such a weird thing and then and like, I would say like a month later,

I was just hanging out with my kids and it was like July and they go, hey man, JFL said you need to, you need to be there, go. And I went and I did all kinds of shows. Yeah. And then, and it's the same thing. When I did, you know, a couple of these platforms that were like, yeah, man, he's, he's funny.

I just don't know. And then, and then I was like, we did, did the special, I was like, I want everyone to see it. That's That's a weird thing. Oh, yeah, maybe we could work something out now Yeah, now it doesn't matter It used to be when you were like like 15 years ago when you did Montreal You only did it because the idea was you get up in front of all these quote unquote producers, right? Yeah, you come out with a with a Developed so for the longest time what I would do is I would, I would, I was this a young dude and I would do a set and you would get a fucking, they give you 250 grand. Developmental

deal. Just to be like, we're gonna rent you. It never happened there for any of us. Yeah. And networks were like, hold on. Yeah, it was great for a long time. And networks were like, we'll put those money into this one dude. And then we're supposed to have build a show around them, but that's not how that works and that shit stopped completely for everybody. It was like now we're not gonna give development. It was called development. Well think about what you were just saying, like they were like, yeah he's funny, but we don't know.

Like think about just saying, they're like, that's an insane thing to be like. You know what I'm saying? It was basically like, we don't know. We don't know. We need, you know, she was funny and that dude, we've been talking to for a couple of years.

And like, where does he fit in? But then it was just like, but all right, like, but how about the jokes and how about the set? Yeah, how about the set? It's because I am here for a set, but apparently you're not. They weren't,

those places are really there for the set. Now there's a legend. There's a legend. Yeah, there's a legend. I asked, you know what, I was actually walking around Montreal at JFL with the with Robbie Prah and who's now at Netflix and I said to him something I go hey man can ask you a question I go when you when you see somebody from audition for Montreal how long

does it how long does it take when do you know and he's's like, well, you know, we watched the whole set, but he's like, you get a good indication, like 90 seconds in. Yeah. Just by the way, somebody grabs a microphone. Yeah. Somebody grabs a microphone, puts it to the side and gets to business, or then you see somebody like, oh, hey, yeah, you're like, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I'm like, yeah. That's a fucking buzzer. Yeah. How the fuck you, bro. Dude, you want to live? I did. Remember the first fucking buzzer on NBC? Last call, last call, last city. Yeah, so like I was like doing sets in New York, and I thought I was like, I had no idea what industry wanted compared to fun.

So I get on a fucking bus, and I go to Boston for a 6am, and there's just a line around the block. Yeah, there's a line of comments around the block, and like the producer had clients and they were like, oh, I'm sorry. fucking bus and I go to Boston for a 6am and there's just a line around the block. Yeah, there's like comments. There's a line of comments around the block and like the producer had clients walking the back door, all makeup, the golf ball. It was like it was so fucking fake.

And I remember the two guys were just sitting there and I like, hey Paul, it's gone. And I do, and my jokes, I was young. Like my jokes were bad and I didn't, and I also don't know, I also didn't know what they wanted. So I did this joke, I did this joke about tattoos. As a gay, these people get so stupid. Yeah, these people get like, drag, is this shit. I wanna see like, get something that means something.

I was like, I wanna see like, eat the Opie a kid with like a loaf of bread on his eye, right? And I just go, I just go, thanks Paul. That's good. Well, dude, I just, this isn't NBC. I just wanna, you wanna quote? Like, I, I just- This isn't NBC and I just don't wanna, I wanna quote. Like, I started saying like shit that wasn't even appropriate. Like, I wanna see a broke person with like just like,

you know, a homeless guy with a fucking shed or whatever. And like, and they were like, yeah, nah, all right Paul and dude, I just slowly, I saw two like dudes work on the door like smiling and I just walked back on a fucking bus. And I sat on a bus for four. Darkest fucking, fuck, fuck, stand as hard.

Fuck, I'm not ready. My wife is, how is it gone? I'm living my dreams. I'm not, I'm being on the dream. I'm doing it anyway. I'll be home. I'll stay for an hour. I'll stay for an hour.

Dude, how about, how about, you ever done any help road gigs that are just hell, I'm in Kansas, I'm in fucking Kansas, done any help road gigs that are just hell I'm in Kansas? I mean fucking Kansas Sanford and son, that old thing, and I'm in some best Western, and it was a, it was a blizzard, and so the guy goes, I can't pay you. He goes, it's not my fault, but apparently-

Not my fault. It's not my fault. We've canceled the show, and I think tomorrow too, so I'm not gonna be able to pay you. I'm like, and I had a head, there was porn. Okay. And it was when you could do porn on the TV. And I had, there was a Bible.

And I had nothing else to read. And nothing else. It was like, and all my friends are crushing it at home. Like, I'm friends with like Bradley Cooper, Will Arnith, they're all making so much money. And I'm like, hey guys, I'm in a best Western. I'm a late bloomer, I'm also a best Western. I'm a late bloomer. I'm also older than all of them.

Funny shit. I remember I traipsed. Everything was closed. I traiped in the fucking snow to an eyehawk because I was starving. And I'm there and I'm cold and I'm walking. And this carful of these Mexican dudes, they were, they were, they were huddled in there

and they go, hey bro, what's up? And I was like, I think I'm gonna get fucking killed or jumped Here and I was like I just looked at him and I go, I'm police officer. I'm just going over there and they kind of oh I'm gonna first of all People in the fucking I said my fucking no top Great if they fucking day job and they at the to fucking double stack it I thought they were gonna fuck me because the guy's standing.

I swear to God, the guy's standing. You think your day's going bad now? Yeah, I'm gonna get fucked. But these essays run a trying in a blizzard. In a legal farm. Yeah, the guy goes, hey bro, what's up? Like I was like this guy. You got to be their little churros.

Uh huh, dude, I was just staying in North Hollywood where we were shooting this thing. And I didn't realize North Hollywood's a little fucking. Oh, yeah. Dude, we're like, look at that. Who the fuck is it? And I was just like, I just went. Why are you staying in North Hollywood?

I'm shooting a thing. I was doing acting on Monday and Tuesday. You know, doing this small part in this movie and they were like, oh, this set is in North Hollywood. So my manager was like, I'll get you a hotel. And I was like, and I'm like kind of like a, I'm not gonna say my pre-ad my manager was like, I'll get you a hotel and I was like, and I'm like kind of like a, I'm not gonna say I'm a pre-adana, but I'm not,

I can't stay in. One time I went to a restaurant. You can do this too long this day. Dude, I went to a best Western once and I went in the bathroom and it wasn't and I was just like, I'm not staying here. You know, it comes to a point. No, I'm not staying in my car. And I was like, I like this.

If the owner and booker wouldn't stay there, then I'm not staying now. You know? I would, yeah, yeah. You can't do that when you're on the road all the time. You can't stay. Dude, I got kids and shit, I'm gonna be like I'm wiping down

a best western bathroom. And I wipe the shit out. I'm so depressing. Dude, I fucking get the hot water and then I take and I fucking wipe them. I'm like, well, I'm cleaning this place. You're right. So you think they switch out the sheets, Daddy?

No, they're fucking not. They just make it. It is. Yeah, you think? In a way, no. Dude, people are coming in on shit. And that carpets all sticky and shit. make it. Yeah, you did. In a way, I do people are coming in and that carpets all sticky and shits. I guess. Yeah, I guess so. I always thought that little couch that nobody uses. Yeah, it's all stands.

Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, get a, get a fucking one of those black lights. Look, it's just you. You see, you've seen a lot of comments. You've seen a lot of comments. Oh, he's got to. Yeah, I get a fucking, no, I should, we should. I can't. You know, I think about all the time, last time you were on here, when your dad sees someone driving a Toyota? Oh, dude.

Grown man. Dude, my fault. It's a Toyota. I gotta show you guys a picture of dad. I do it all the time. Dude, there's a picture of my dad holding me, and I'm like in like, Ash Kosh overalls, and I'm dirty. My dad posed the picture, he's got like a white... I have the past on you guys, and he's wearing in front of his shotgun case, right? So he's got a shotgun case, he's got me, then he's got all his jewelry, I noticed his hand,

he just had straight cash, like a money cut. Just to show, and I know my dad, when they were taking the picture, I know he was like, oh my, for the whole shotgun case, yeah, yeah, yeah, hold on, hold on, he set that up for sure. Wait, don't take it, yeah, let me in front of the shot. I tell you guys, I didn't tell you guys

what my dad did, the Haraldor Rivera shit, what last. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like, educated and would always tell my, but he was 100% Sicilian. So I remember times people approached my dad and they wanted my dad to kind of work with them, but my dad was educated and would always tell us. So my dad is like a street kid, but like, but like, educated. So it's like, Oh, so what you're saying, dude's the role of some like,

I remember being in an apartment and some dude rolled up and he was given, like, they always give gifts. So like, my brother and me, like, these Disney, that's how the introduce you give. That's how the introduce you give. Like, like these Disney, that's how my dad said, like going to the other room, and then my dad would be like, you know, I'm in one time, my dad was like, yeah, I think that dude does a lot of bad shit. And I was just like, yeah, but with a mob,

okay, let's get those fucking micro machines back, man. Oh, dad's not gonna do it. One was a picture of Donald Duck and one was Mickey Mouse, and my dad was just like, oh boy, he's going inside and then we just heard muttering and talking. But my dad would always speak again. Like man, you gotta be smart. You gotta put my dad was a street kid.

But my dad is unapologetically Republican. And I mean, hard. I love him. I love him. And unapologetically patriotic. This is a true story. I'm not saying this shit for the, I actually wanna do it in my new hour if I could figure out how to do it. This is a true story. I'm not saying this shit for the, I actually want to do it in my new hour

if I could figure out how to do it. So he calls me up and they, hey, Paul, how you doing? My father would always ask a question, but never listen to the answer. Yeah, say, how you doing? Good, listen. Listen.

I'm so good. Listen. I'm sorry. Everything's good. You always say everything's good. Everything's good. Listen. He goes, you know, I'm watching this fucking

He goes I'm watching this you know just hurried the Rivera and I go yeah I know this is recently not the dude. This is dude like my dad watches the new. Oh, yeah He's so fucking patriotic that somebody so because yeah, so He goes yeah, so He's talking negatively about the country. It's really getting me excited. And yeah, he's getting me excited and he goes, but then he put on an email address. I swear to God.

He put on an email address and he said, if any listeners want to contribute or write in, they could write in. He goes, so I wrote a Rauddor Rivera, a letter. Can I read it to you? I swear to God. Did it teach you? I go, yeah, yeah, I know it's coming. Yeah. Yeah.

He's going to read it regardless. Because all right. He goes, dear Harald, though. You treasonous motherfucker. I can't believe they gave an ugly fuck like you with that stupid mustache. National television time. You piece of shit. If I ever see you, I'll kick the shit out of you. We're not American. Go fuck yourself. Sincerely Thomas J. Verzen. And then he waits to be there. And he goes, so what do you think? Maybe you should have put Esquire at the end of that time. Yeah. Sincerely. Here's a thing. It wasn't even, it wasn't even a racist comment because he is Hispanic, right? He just said he had to say that.

Of course. Yeah, he had to add that in. He didn't say any negative thing of that. No, he just let you know. Bro, you're murmuring, I'm with your dad on this, but you're murmuring, Geraldo, when we were like in the middle of fucking war in the Middle East, and he was,

you know, they sent him out there as like, you know, the field journalist. And this fucking dude in the sand wrote our exact plans. And they had to, literally the military kicked him out. Like, oh, you're out dude. You literally, who did? He drew in the sand.

He was like, he was like, no, he's not. He's on Fox for a reason, he's like the counter. He's pretty good, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, he's not, no, he's the opposite. That's why he's on Fox. To be the other voice. Oh, yeah, he used to be. Oh, is that what it is?

He's on Fox to be the other voice. He's the other voice. He's the other voice. Okay. He'll be like a contrarian to something. It's like four against one. Like, I think they call it the five, the big five. It's four against one.

He gets lit up. Really, he was lit up. I didn't know that. No, he's liberal now, yeah. I think they called the five, the big five. It's four against one. He gets lit up. Really, he was lit up. I did not know that. No, he's liberal now. I didn't know that. He changed, yeah. But he was literally drawing the sand our exact like plan and war.

And it fucked like, obviously the pain on the ground. You can see what we're doing. Oh, he was on a plane the next day. It was like, this is ridiculous. I think that's what my dad didn't like. I think, I think, because I didn't watch it or whatever.

But I think he was saying Harado was doing something when he was almost like telling our military plans Yeah, yeah in a way and and and my dad just my dad also why the fuck you do that? Yeah, yeah I don't play that either. What are you doing dude? He didn't fucking you doing my dad got so mad about John Kerry and that that Swiftboat thing remember that controversy Where he's that he got injured and you got a purple heart, but it was because he shot, he shot a grenade launcher and he heard his hand and he got a purple heart for a boat. Yeah, I can't, there was a lot of shenanigans

because there were guys in his boat team who were like, that didn't even do that. You can't really lie about your own military career. Yeah, so it was really bad and my dad just had zero fucking. He had, yeah, four months is officer in charge of the sweep-boat. Interesting. My dad was just, I've never seen him, like back in the city doesn't fucking around.

What was your dad in the military? He was a Marine, so, and he was in the Marines when, but yeah, yeah, they don't, too, they do not fuck that. No, they don't fuck around with that. When me and my brother used to fight my grandpa, but like, you think I fought the Nazis? So you do good fight. So, we're six years old, dude. Nazis?

What are you talking about? You're not crazy. We're fighting over Legos, Grandpa. And look at PTSD was actually done, bro. Dude. That Nazi PTSD is not. No, the old, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that,

that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that Nazi PTSD is not the old that that that patrioticism. I never forgot this, my father. I was defending Clinton for getting a blowjob in the White House. I was defending him. I was like, it's a fucking blowjob. It's like everybody fucking calm the fuck. Now, the man's got other shit to do. His wife and he don't fuck obviously.

She's not. Yeah, she looks terrible. My father, my father. That's all lizard. He literally, my father literally he goes, he comes over to me and he goes, he's much taller. I mean, just looks terrible. My father. My father. That's all lizard. He literally my father literally he goes He comes over to me and he goes he's much taller. I mean, just look down Never mind that you yeah, his dad's bigger than me and he's a man. And you look down and he said he said There are things you don't understand, but let me let me try to outline

Why your very mistake in here? I knew when he does this with his nose He's he's basically going if, if you weren't my son, I'd probably punch in the face. But he'll outline it for you. He'll romance your argument and then outline why you're wrong. And then I will exit this conversation here, that you people to start that way.

I'll show you with his brain. And he said, the Oval Office is a sacred place because it's where the president of these United States has the privilege to serve the people. He gets it. You get your dig sucked in there. You do that in there. And there are people that fought and died

for this country and defended this country. And he went through a whole patriotic litany. And I used to like it. I had to shut the fuck up. Yeah Here at that level, you're like, oh, it's not really a blowjob It's kind of the It's a different generation Yeah, it's like I appreciate it though. There's more pay to it. It's like you wouldn't catch up like a blowjob like in a bathroom during like Like a kids christening

like a blow job, like in a bathroom during like, like a kids' chrysaning. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just something fucked up like, it's up to 30 if that. And then you're like, yeah, but it's what you do. What do they do these experiments? They do the experiments, like conservatives versus liberals,

there's a personality trait. It's really fucking interesting. So with a liberal, they'll say, so you find an American flag, it's an old flag in your attic, it's been folded up forever. Okay? Your bathroom is fucking dirty

and you forgot to buy paper towels. The woman cuts it up and uses it to clean the bathroom and throw it. The American flag? This is the whole lot. See what happens? This is an experiment. It's an experiment.

Yeah, I'll find you a way to find something. When you ask, this is really interesting. When you ask highly educated, higher educated people who are liberal, if that's bad, they always say, well, it's not hurting anybody. So no, it's not. Hold on, it gets better. Grab a point. When you ask conservatives, or you ask people who have a personality that tends to value

tradition, value sanctity, value like authority. Values means, it doesn't eat soy. All that people, I think everybody in this room, we pull milk, not almond milk. Yeah, keep going. All of us go, I don't like that shit. I don't really finish. I know, are you shitting me?

I know, and then they do other thing. They do another really fucked up one. This is really cool. The liberals and they then they do other thing they do another really fuck that one This is really cool. They have to live roles in conservatives. They go up brother and sister in the woods Okay, nobody's around yeah She's on birth control. He uses a condom. Well, they have sex hold on hold on. Wow hold on Brandon and keep your hands down They have sex. No one sees it. Nothing nothing happens is it wrong now conservative? God concerned is go yeah, it is because those two know it's wrong liberals go Well, it's not hurting anybody. So there's a harm. Why do we have to base it all these terrible?

But it's like they're gonna put a gun because those are aggressive But not everything is like because politically there are Because politically, those are the lines that, so liberals tend to be concerned about fairness and care. Fair and care. Are you cheating? Are you taking away from people that are less frantic and are you being fair? Conservatives like fair and care,

but they also respect authority, they respect their sanctity. So would you take a shit on a battlefield? Would you take a shit on a battlefield where as much Americans died? Liberals will say, not hurting anybody. I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

So now would you say a joke? I mean, you do have like explosive dire, really? That's exactly. Yeah, I was like, that was my grandfather. My entire family's militant. Militating through and through. Yeah, like hardcore militant. But if you got dire, you, if I through. Like, hard for military.

But if you got diarrhea, if I went, hey, grandpa, I know you killed some Nazi, too. Of course. I ate fucking chili last night, bro. And I was on tour in Germany. I had to shit on that. Would you get a blow job? Would you get a blow job in that field?

We're all the men died. No. See what I mean? But I come from a different kind of cloth. No, it's your personality, Bob. So they will tell you right now. They tell liberals, liberal politicians, they go, look, if you're a presidential candidate

and you're a Democrat, you're not getting Republicans unless you at least you understand how Republicans think which is that they tradition is fucking important. You know, you don't start talking about tearing down statues because they go, hold on dude. This is my country good or bad. Yeah. And you can't just start,

you're gonna just take that down because you're trying to rewrite history. We get very, very nervous about that shit. Americans don't like that. And so a lot of real Americans. Yeah, well a lot of it, a lot of lip-pub, so when you have a liberal politician trying to be a president and they start talking about gender neutral bathrooms

all of us go hey bro hey bro i grew up with male female i don't know what the fuck you're talking about but you're speaking on language that has no relevance to my life cc but also the approval rating goes right what i don't like is it's become and and this is what really fucks with me, man, is like, it's become hack. It's become a hacky thing to do to say, yo, man, soldiers are real heroes, give it up for the soldiers. Like, it's become a hack thing. We're comics even joke about it.

And I'll be on stage, dude. I'll be on stage and I'll see, I'll be on stage and I'll see somebody, you know, that's a soldier. And I'll stop the show and be like this and like, I don't give a fuck if like, you'll literally have comics in New York be like, oh yeah, what they do, like give it up for the troops and it's like, no, no, it's like first of all. Oh no, dude, dude, I give troops free merch.

Like do not pay for anything dude. Dude, I have, I love troops too. Troops are the shamedi fucking nerds running a spider-man. The fuck outta here, dude, this guy's homeless. He's just fucking homeless. He just got you two bullets. That's his fucking head for you. And he's fucking crying in Times Square

because he got nowhere to stay. He's talking to himself, and we call him fucking crazy. So it's like, that's a fucking travesty. I remember I was in San Antonio. Soldier came up after the show, Shrapnel, Scars, Burns, and shit. And he goes, don't, I'm never forget this one,

most gangster shit I ever fuck, because they're on another. No, no, yeah, and he just goes, I go, thank you so much, I'm gonna come and show you, he goes, no man, thank you. And I was like, no, I'll do fuck that. I was like, I do this because of what you guys do.

And he just goes, he just goes, well, you know, man, you just gotta be willing to die right now for the country. He's like, I'm willing to die right now for you for his country. And he was just like, you know, are you ready to die for America right now? I was like, nah dude. I love it right now. Right now, like this.

I got killed. I got killed. No, I'm a full liability. You know what I mean? People have realized that these lines that we live behind, these walls we live behind, they need to be the bubble. Yeah, but that's why I appreciate like what South Korea does where you have to

list in the army. You don't let better people would be if they were forced in the first fall. You've been in another country, so you probably got a different perspective. We'd ever do this. That's quite a false. You put a judge in the cell.

Israel, there's basketball. You're supposed to be asking about playing much more pride in it. Oh, there was an NBA. He was in the NBA. He also, older dude. No, no, no, no, I'm talking about. There was an NBA. He also older dude. No, no, no, no, I'm talking about there was a NBA player who was like UFC, but no, they were gonna go

they were gonna go to army. They were gonna go to army in upstate New York and and and he was like, no, I can't go visit Bay, future baby killers. He didn't want to that's fun. He didn't want to go visit cadets because of what they might potentially do. So that's the that's under the same umbrella as a attack you just say, give it up for the troops. Oh, what are they uneducated? They didn't go to fucking high school. So that's under the same umbrella as, oh, it's hacky to say give it up for the troops. Oh, what are they uneducated? They didn't go to fucking high school. So, or they dropped out of high school, they need to do it.

And it's like, it's like, it's like, you're a pussy who could never fucking do what they do. You could never leave your family, go to boot camp, do that hard shit, and go on for a second. You're not built like that. So what you're gonna do is you're gonna project whatever,

well, yeah, I'm gonna build. I'm gonna build burr has a funny as fucking shit on that bill burrs like listen your special forces guy You're a hero if you're the guy who's in who's in front of a judge and the judge goes you got jail or the army What's a good? Take the army you're the guy with the fucking fly Cheap Try it now. Start it again, try it now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when there is, listen, there is that element, right?

There is, there is that element. I was just saying, now you're just saying, yeah, I do. There is an element that there's a sanctity to the people that defend the flag and this fucking amazing country. That's what you're saying. Well, when Ukraine and Russia popped off, you know, a bunch of, you know, Twitter dummies were on there like, you know, I'm not, I'm not going to this war.

If they want me to fight something and then some guy, some parody account like some, for some, uh, he was like a general in the army goes, Oh, oh, don't worry. Don't worry. I think it goes to trust me. We're not, uh, depending on America's freedom, based off you guys who can pass fucking boot camp. Like you're out of shape. Yeah, like you play video games. You play video games.

Trust me, we're not banking on you guys for the freedom of America. Yeah. It's funny when people say that. I can call you again. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny when people say they're like,

oh, I'm not going. It's like, I do think, I do not ask. But I do think it's patri not ask the number of people. I do think it's patriotic as fuck to know when we should commit our troops and not. And that's a very important conversation to have. It's not just blind fucking we're going in. You gotta know whether or not your leaders know

what the fuck they're talking about and doing. Because otherwise a lot of people die for no fucking reason on both sides. Yeah, yeah, that's very important. But also, Putin does start to use nuclear warfare. You'll see us getting involved. Because you can't have. You just can't have that.

You just can't have that. Well, that's where he's at it, because it's not, it's not going the way he playing, man. Well, I think there's no profit. I think what's gonna happen is, I think first of all, he's already really worried that he's gonna be taken out. So he's already put under house arrest several of his inside

Staff there's a whole thing about that. Oh, is that right? Yeah And I think that somehow I think Putin is either gonna go out By his own people or he's gonna come to the realization of this there's not a whole lot of profit and level I think you're off. I think I think you're dealing with a madman who's at the tail end of his career And it's to be known and be cemented. But he's never acting like he never acted like a madman He's very fucking tail end of his career like his acting He's Morgan Freeman I don't think he's never demonstrated being Matthew. I think he's gonna be embarrassed I think that's hilarious. Yeah, he's gonna be embarrassed. I think he's gonna be embarrassed.

Yeah, he's gonna be embarrassed. And then nuclear warfare is definitely an option. And what you do that, that starts to really start to progress. I agree. I think that's when I lose sleep over it. You know, do you? Oh, yeah.

I don't think that's gonna, I don't think that's on the table. Do you? No, because that's the way we put a pain. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of bluffing, but I'm more worried about China backing them than Russia.

I don't know if China will. China doesn't benefit from this. China loves it. They make all our products. They love an intact marketplace. Yeah. They love a perring economy. They do not need.

They have major problems China. People think that they're not the major problems. What I don't understand is, because we're the bad the baddest fucking we bring the paint right by far sir Yeah, by for bring the fucking pain. I don't understand why they don't just keep it hush Send in like fucking forth. Oh, we are seal team six. Oh, we are Yeah, and just you know what I mean? Like just just double down on the seal teams. Yeah, they do the black water boys over Yeah, no like that the biggest problem if you can you can look this up Don't know if you guys know this there's Delta and there's seal team and there's CIA crown branch and all these guys that fucking show up there

You just get you just get killed it makes you proud of being America. Well, you hear what they're doing But the other problem is dropping in the night. Well, we're in every country you can imagine but we also have a 10,000 strong. I don't know if you newsweek exposed this after a three-year investigation we also have a 10,000 strong, I don't know if you newsweek exposed this after a three-year investigation, and we have a 10,000 strong secret army that nobody, do you know who they are? Do you know their names? Do you know what uniform secret army is? Do you know what their wild? Oh, cyber warriors and a straight-up assassins, men and women, and they don't wear uniforms, and they're a secret army. They're a secret army.

They're not, and that's a big issue of contention though, because it's like, they have a blind check who's financing it, where's the civilian oversight, what's that going on? Oh, and they're trained to the gills. And then also, this gave me fucking chills. The White House correspondent, they're talking about, you know, Russia hacking,

and they're gonna infiltrate, you know, and get into the banks and she goes You can tell she's like, she's so sick of dealing with she goes, no, I know, I know it's like you always hear about Russian hackers The best hackers are in America. Yeah, we're it's not even close. Yeah, she just shut everybody down. She is am If we want to get serious about it, we'll get serious. We're not worried about it. Yeah, you're like, oh dude, you know about it, we'll get serious. We're not worried about it. Yeah. You're like, dude, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm saying? I had fucking, did you see that Navy Seal commercial where like it's dark and you can't see anything? But then it's, and then you just see the footprints on the sand like you didn't see them get off, can you guys pull it? Can you pull that up or no? Yeah, yeah, sure.

Just try it real quick. Yeah. Brennan, I was talking. Brennan, it is, dude, it's like, so basically they got a The ocean go walk through the sand and you didn't see it because they did go woke for a second Uh-huh remember that and they showed Russia's military commercial Commercial

Dude this shit. It's one of these dude this shit Is it this one? I don't I got to see what the stuff makes my dick hard dude dude let's just Oh, you get my hand on my pants hold on. Oh, yeah I mean Yo, no These dudes were under the in the ocean and just fucking just like ghost like fucking now Nothing would be worse than a fucking woke Navy seal Yo, how gangster is that shit? You tell me if you're a young kid.

You watch it, you're like, oh, I'm a little bit of a sea. That's how I got a sea. And with you really young, you don't get it. And you're like, mommy, dad, why did I say this? Because they're so stealth. Yeah. And then it's like, oh, sign me, the-

I want to be stealth. Yo, that is, I want to stealth. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The sky is the sky. My buddy goes, do you ever kill somebody? He's talking to a stealthy guy. He had the greatest answer at all time. He goes, a friend, John goes, goes you ever kill somebody is talking to a Dalton guy Yeah, the greatest answer all time he goes Friend John goes you ever kill somebody he goes never stops a look brother. Oh

My god, dude, that's what I'm doing. That's the most gangster. I'm ready to die this minute never look I mean dude. Oh dude. I'm ready I've got a standard I've actually built like Brendan, but they have long hair, but they're just like they're all different. I'm like, while those guys are so big, I was like, yeah, I was like, well, what's the NHL hockey team doing here? Like what are the, what is this?

They were just giant guys like him with just different weaponry. I was like, what's all those weapons? And I'm talking to this sergeant and arms. They just walk by. They're not wearing any uniforms. They're not wearing any fucking ID. And I go, and then they get in the assessor. They got in the assessor with no seats.

So I go, who the fuck were they? And the guy goes, the guy goes, that's a dark side, bro. Oh, that's why he said that. And she gets me rough. I know, and I go, well, tell me more. And he goes, I don't know. And he goes, I think it might be the dreaded D. I got the dreaded D, which is Delta.

Whatever they are, you don't want to be on the receipt. My buddy who I do business with, I won't say his name because I want to out him, but he has more tattoos than I do. And he was a special forces guy, like real special forces guy. And he has a tattoo that says 67 with a bullet underneath it. And then he has X's like six seven X's What they grant lunch like we were having drinks. Oh, I know that was that yeah, what's that for and he goes stuff My dad has that it was 67 people he killed that's wild shit, man

He wasn't well Brennan I were talking Yeah, we talked about that But I said my dad has that, but we went into military. It's a gangster, but he's great. There was time. Brandon, I was talking about, he went hard, remember? He and I were talking this morning, because he's got a lot of weaponry.

Like he can just kill you with his bare hands, right? Like, look at him. He just, you know, and he was saying, he was like, there are people that just annoy the fuck out of you sometimes. And you're always trying not to take their heads and squeeze them. I'm like, I'm just going to. I do a pretty good job of it.

You do. I do a good job of it. I can see you getting dropped out of a helicopter into the ocean and just coming out, just fucking lace him. He's waste, yeah. You have that, you could tell that you have that, like if you had to.

You could do it right now. Yeah, I so, but there's also like a nice side, but you've got to. This side is 99.99, but you're competitive, you're competitive. Yeah. And if you had to do it right out. But there's also like a nice side, but you've decided it's 99.99%. But you're competitive, you're competitive. And if you had to do it, it's there. It's there.

I did this joke once where I was just like, these guys are like, live free or die. And I was like, dude, I just stay captive. Like, just slide right under the door, kick the shit out of me once. I'm like, I don't want to. I'm like, yeah, like live free, die. Like just give me the room, do you know why I fight? What the heck are you doing? I don't want to chill. Like live free diet, just in your room.

Is it a Wi-Fi? What the heck are you? I'll sit here all day. I'm just sitting here dirty, skinny, just like, who's in weight? Who's that guy called? I got cock eyes. I'm an IPO dog.

I'll be a lot of skinny, but I'll stay up for it. If I was getting cut back on the rise, I'm in shredded, man. Just have eating disorders. I'm in shredded. I'm in fatty fat. Like a P.O'm in shredded. I'm in shredded. You're going to fat like a POW diet. What is going to a shelf? He's just shredded in your fucking hot.

He's chilling in my hot. Shitting in a hole. You're like, you're like, you're looking at this shit. Well, that's like my shredded. My one buddy who does whatever he does. He's always somewhere crazy and he's just a new crain. And I go, I go, what kind of weaponry, he goes, I don't know, an M4, fucking, you know,

it's like the, and I go, what else? And he goes, I'm in a carry hang gun, you know, I go, oh, for close quarters combat. And he goes, no, not for close quarters combat. If I'm in Afghanistan, I'm not getting taken captive by those guys, cause it's really bad. Yeah, oh, just just blow it up. Oh, you put it in your mouth, yeah. That's what. Yeah. Oh. Just just blowing it up.

Oh, you're putting it in some mouth. Yeah. That's what I was like, okay, just to kill yourself. Oh, good. I feel like I'm charming enough. That's, that's, how funny is this? I feel like I work my way out of it.

I feel like I'm charming enough and funny and you're not. I'm too, to as their time back dude, dude, come here dude. Come on, what are we doing? Me too. Come on, let's do it. I think about that all of the time. Me too.

I think about that all the time. I'm just talking about this to you. Can I be honest with you? I think about that all of the time. You gotta take the colors. I think that all of the time. Just talk about this too. Can I be honest with you? I think about that all the time. Like, I make friends everywhere. I feel like it'd be my friend. Like, come on. But I said, dude, you're too much, you're too much.

You're too much, you're too much. They'd be like, this guy's a killer. No, I'm with you guys. But Paul looks, Paul, you look way more, I'm sorry to say this out loud. You look way more Armenian or Arabic than you do Italian, No, I get everything. Yeah, I get every you can be Arabic. I get I get I get tan and I

Hollywood when I get tan. I get I'm just doing in Greek. I'm at a Terrainian. Oh my shit gets I get if I'm in the sun for like a straight with Arabs and people like oh dude are you are you like you look like you could be this? I sometimes people say Puerto Rican, but most people most people most like He's a part of it. Oh, yeah, you said Puerto Rican. I see that. Yeah, but Armenian you can be I mean It's like it's not a bad thing. I'm just saying like you could be it was an actor you could play an Armenian gangster You could play fucking Arabic. Yeah, no, I'm like, what? No, you could play a lot of different things everything but American Yeah, yeah, no, but I imagine like if they

fucking like we're like, get down, get down. I would definitely be like, no, dude, you don't understand. Like I'm fucking chill, man. I'm cool. Like, I don't start this day. I'm with you, man. I hold no value. You don't want me. I tell dick jokes, man. They don't want me. Let me give you five minutes. I'll do five minutes. I'll do five minutes, Mattel. You don't laugh. You know, I always think after your first joke, you just start hearing, that's happened. That's happened in history.

I always think about the trench warfare in World War I, where they were just dying by the thousands, the worst shit in the world, because you couldn't get water there, and they would gas you, and then the gas would settle in the pools and it would rain. So your buddies would be dead and everybody would be taking shifts. You'd be living in a sewer and it was so bad you could smell the front line from two miles away right or five miles away. But one Christmas Eve there was a ceasefire between the Germans and the British and they fucking came out and they exchanged gifts and they played a soccer game before they killed He's in no man's in no man's land. They played a soccer game and then they use your all-tocity Junker most intense soccer remember they fucking sang songs and then they went back to the

Long Beach and they went back to war Jesus Famous story. That's amazing. That's all it took. Did we believe that story? No, it's a song story. Not only it's a story. Not a Hollywood movie. It was put in a couple movies. It's been in. But it's one of those things where you go.

The young, young fucking men who started singing songs and decided let's do a truce for Christmas. That's what my grandpa said. He said when he was fighting World War II in Germany, he'd see a Nazi. They'd be the same age. And he said when you he'd see a Nazi, they'd be the same age. And he said, when you realize that it's another human, they're the same age. He isn't the same age.

Yeah, he was like, oh, I don't hate him. I hate what he represents, but we're the same person fighting this fucking war man. He was like, it's nuts. Let's take a little break from Channel Paul Verzi, and you know he's gonna be talking about his dad, because you know what dude? And I wanna talk nutrition

and I wanna talk about how I get my phytonutrientz bioflavanoids, the things you get from fruits and vegetables, you know what I'm saying? Sure, you use the big words right now? I feel offended. I'm kind of a scientist, but I want scientists to make my stuff.

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That's masterworks.art slash fighter. Dock's important. Dock's important. That masterworks.io slash disclaimer. That's masterworks.art slash fighter. I did. They do this thing like the day after Thanksgiving by my house, where they get 300 people go out

and they divvy up 150 each, and you go into all these acres, and it was like a snow storm, and you go paintballing, and it's a war. And it's like it's called like the red verse blue war, and you go in there and do it. It was fucking I'm not even joking dude. It was it was nuts because the the team that you're against we were on the

red team I think or no we were on the blue team and they go the red team is acres of like like like mile but they're coming and there's all these structures you go behind you can go in something and all of a sudden you you just start hearing yelling and there were some guys that were ex-military, like some of the guys take the shit to another. Yeah. It was nothing worse. Like, you know, I just get in a little,

I was in a little, I was in a little, I was in a little, I was in a little, but I have my son, I have my son, Lucas, with me and a couple of other dads in the neighborhood that I know, they had their sons. And I'm telling my son, because it shit hurts. Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you can jack the gun up. You can get the paintball gun, like, you know the way you could jack up a go-cart to go fancy, you could just go to, you could like make the shit. And it got like to the point where I was like, I mean, I'm not gonna,

obviously compare to war, but as far as if those are fucking Russians and you're Ukraine or what, and you see that. And all of a sudden it is, like what brand of shit's another human right there. And you have a gun to kill them and they have a gun to kill you there is a second way you're like, oh, dude That's just to do it like that's just to do and I'm a dude and it's it's a weird

It's kind of like I say that a lot of people shoot over Some the other guys had they say in combat There's not a lot of guys will shoot over the other person's head and would be weird imagine if you're watching a guy who you see as dope at being a soldier, right? You're so good, man. And he's fucking doing it. And you see him save a life. And now he's coming to you and it's your time. There's gotta be something in you.

If you're a good person, if you're a good person, I'm about to take out a fucking dope. See that, that's why I was talking to my girl about it. We were watching, I don't know, Zaredark 30 watching about every every three weeks Do we sound like such pussy's if real military press or Don't do well with this no, but I'll guys take they pay an emotional toll for this the Vultimate

Up the old that's all my girl. She's like I feel like because my family's the military Like did you ever think about going military? Yeah football didn't work out like if I didn't get a scholarship I would fucking went straight military. I wanted to be a Navy SEAL. She's like, you're too nice. I was like, yeah, you're right. There's no way I could not do it. But I feel like if I had the training

and got the brainwashing. Well, you were saying when you did my podcast, the Versa Effect, when you came on, you were saying that there was a thing that when you were in the UFC, I don't know if you remember, you were saying your corner knew that like, you needed to be looked at as like, treated as a competition.

They knew how to get you up because you weren't to do to just break someone's head in. And I didn't have anger. Athlete versus... You were a competitive athlete versus somebody that is like an angler and wants to, yeah. And it cost me, my coach, even in training,

like, dude, you gotta get nasty. I'm like, God, why though? Yeah. It's kids, what do we do? A lot of those things. A lot of those things. It's gonna be great. We're still gonna be great as Brandon gets in,

like this is the head of kids, because yeah. Yeah. A lot of those things. A lot of those guys that I've heard other guys who are top tier, like, you know, special forces guys, those SEAL team six guys. A lot of those guys, first of all, number one, it's not easy for them after.

It's like they're killing people. It's not lost on a lot of those guys, the guys they're killing might be younger dudes who have been brainwashed and don't have the weaponry, whatever it is. It's not like they don't pay a price for that. Right. But also the other thing I've heard a lot of high level

tier one guy says, a large part of the job is knowing who not to kill in split seconds. Like being able to see shit. That's where that friendly fight is. These guys, the real pros are always talking about, I think Tim Kennedy made a post about this. He goes, the difference between me and the guys I really admired was the guys that knew in a split second

who not to pull a trigger on. And when the shit hits the fan and everything's going, that's fucking hard to do man. Hard to. And how crazy is it when you think about it, it's like being a good soldier is like being a good actor, a good comic, a good athlete. Those are the ones that go to general.

Yes. Because then you like, the regular soldiers are just like the players on the team. They show up, you give them a gun, they do. Yes. Then you got, the regular soldiers are just like the players on the team. Like show up, you give them a gun, you do it. But then you got somebody like the Kobe Bryant of the rest of the soul. He'll be like leading and making other soldiers better.

Where we need to be in this position. That's some gangster shit. You see that soldier level too? Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, those guys are unbelievable. And what I was thinking about when you were saying that if you had to perform for your life,

I was thinking about in the times where you had to go in front of a king and the king would just go, like I always think what my opener would be. Oh my God. Because dude, your opener's it. Because he's like, all right, he's eating grapes and shit. It's JFL.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got somebody with a leaf to a 90's, he's like, all right, let me be amused. You're opening better. You're opening better. Oh, I'm better. Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, I'm gonna be with a leaf He's like, all right, let me be amused you're open it better. You're open Opener doesn't do well and you see him kind of stop with the grape and go like this and he like no, no, so anyway You try to pick it up Transition Scrape

Transition So this room is crazy. How much you guys? All these dudes man. You all got great. You all got graves of feathers and shit. How do you? You're just like, you're like, oh, these chicks are fucking the king, right? Like you're trying to get on his side. You're waiting behind the door and you just hear full.

Make me laugh. Full, I'm gonna lose me. Oh, that's hilarious. You're like two comics away and you're here. Kill him and you're just dead and then you're like, they come over like you're next dude. I'm like, wait right now, like you're up buddy. Bring in the full, I'm in bad mood.

He's not bad for the next one, man. You're a two minute job next to him. I wish to be on the table and I'm in a bad mood. Don't like him if you just hear at the middle of your joke. But what's the deal there? I don't like him. I want him killed. Please just refer to something that's so futuristic. Yeah, what's your airplane? No, you just hear it as you're doing. You're doing your pit. And then what the fuck is the deal with? I'm going to answer. I'm going to put a pop on my head coming down release the house

The comedy You just have like nervous comics like online one guy's looking at his notes. It's on like a leaf Talk to me now And the king is all lazy about it. No, don't like him. Just making me sad. I don't know. Someone is business What we sucked always is if the guy that went before you crushed the king Oh, oh my god This is the standing ovation

And then he brings them up and get out Yeah, like you sonny horsey Next, and yeah Oh my god You follow Joey Dears and some shit You son of a- Next, and yeah Yeah You're following Joey Dias and some shit Did that happen? Did they really was that shit like where you would go? Well, the idea yeah, what was it the fool would come into the court? Just yeah, yeah, yeah, and you would wear a certain you were there to you were there to make- You wore that fucking- There was, there was that idea, right?

The tyrant, the tyrant, it was like, tyrant dude, there was a fucking Ivan the Terrible in Russia. He had this artist build him this insane fucking house. Like if you see it, it's got gems and it's like incredible. And so- Yeah, that's the fucking outfit you gotta wear. Yeah, I'm just waiting to go up. Yeah, I'm just waiting to go up.

I'm just wondering if you're not my friend. Ivan the Terrible, I'm the Terrible goes like this. He goes, you made, he goes, I just waitin' to go up. I just don't refer to my self. I'm in the terrible, I'm in the terrible goes like this. He goes, you made me, he goes, I made you this incredible house. And I'm in the terrible goes, yeah, I'm gonna take your eyes out now. And he was like, but why? And he goes, cause I don't want you

to be able to do this for anybody else. I was like, oh no, that's real shit. I go break my hand. That was my eyes, that's a true story. Brian, if I was the king, I'd kill you so fast, cause you have invisible line in at your age. I'm like, that's a huge way.

Thank you, that's for half a minute. I go, oh no, out and out. Kill him. I just got, try to fix his team. I just got my dentist today. And he goes like this. He said, Bob, you gotta listen. If you don't, if you don't wear a 22 hours a day, okay?

What happens is you come back to us after 15 trays, which is 150 days and we go you got to start from scratch Because all the teeth have to be moved in unison. Wait, what are you trying? 22 hours Well, it's only fucking for the next two and a half months. No, like, there's something happening to your teeth to where they got like- It's like a gallfer at 67, like, I gotta fix my swing, man. You know, it's like, what?

No, it's over, dude. No, my teeth are gonna be very, very beautiful. For what, though? Hollywood. No, because, no, right? Hear them out, right? Hollywood, you know. No, no, no, for your, for your biting stuff, I have problems. That's what I'm saying.

So you have a problem. Yeah, my teeth are cracking because they're crowding and shitting out. Okay, so then I'm gonna put it off. And I'm putting have problems. That's what I'm saying. So you have a problem. Yeah, my teeth are cracking because they're crowding and she's like, okay, so then I'm putting it off. Yeah, but I've been putting this off for 30 years. I don't go to the dentist. Where he goes hard on his resume. It's a certain time, it's like,

you're like, you're 55. So that's how I'm in fascination, 30 years. It only gets worse. It only gets worse. So now I'll do it. Two and a half months, I'll be fine. Yeah. I had to get two pulled back there that I got it,

but because they're not there, it's fucking this up. So I got to get those in and then. No, you teeth are white as shit. I use, sometimes I use strips. Yeah. I use the strips and then, you know that thing that glows, you put like something in my mouth. I never used it.

I never used it. I never used it. I never used it. I never used it. The jail, though, the other day. I never used it. The jail, somebody was like, be careful and I was like, what the fuck is that? When you tell the jail, like it makes it sensitive, but the strips aren't too bad.

Listen, don't listen to me on teeth, man. I can't, I can't. I'm gonna do nothing. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna shoot you. We're teeth are all cracked. No, I'm not even cracked. I have four cavities in the back.

I'm losing weight because I need sugar, so I'm like, yeah, don't fake. So are they gonna, are you gonna do something about those cavities? Eventually, once I'm losing weight cause I ain't sugar, so I'm like, yeah, don't fake. So are they gonna, are you gonna do the same about those cavities? Actually, once I get shredded enough, I won't. That goes home, but don't tell me he's gonna fuck you up. It's not like that, that bacteria is gonna have to get your heart.

Yeah, bad for your heart, all that stuff. That's bad for your heart. Bacteria in the mouth. Yeah, it's bacteria in the mouth. When you have a bad cavity, when you have a, you know, mine are small, that's the problem. They're small and sensitive. But they gonna get when you have a, you know, you're small, that's the problem. The small and sensitive.

But they don't get bigger. Hey bro, hey bro, just take care of it. You don't go to dentist, is that? I went like four weeks ago. Tell him what the quote is fucking nightmare. Tell him what the quote is, yeah. Oh no, that's because they're gonna put veneers in. It's 55 grand.

What? You should go get those cavities done. No, I should. I'm just gonna wait till I get down a certain way from the 55 grand, 55 grand dude. Dentist get paid. I'm just gonna wait till I get down a certain way from the 55 grand. 55 grand dude. Dentist skip paid. I'm back.

Chris Roth joke. He goes, I live in Alpine, New Jersey. He goes, my neighbors are. He said, Oh, you see? He said, Mary J. Blige. He said,

some NBA player, he goes in a dentist. Because they, Hey, Hey, lawyers in dentist make it. Dentist get, fuck, they make dentists get fucked. Dude, dentists every day,

they're just taking checks big. Yeah, it's never, out of the stuff and insurance, dentists like the most expensive. You're lucky getting out with five grand. It's like, if you have some difficult work and they're like five grand, you're happy to pay. Oh, yeah, yeah. Cause I have 55K.

It's a man, a man, a man, a man, a process, dude. They got to make it to the court. I'll just buy a fucking Daytona Rolex to take the attention away from my teeth. How about that? How about that? Fuck your- You're just like this.

I was driving my teeth at night. I've always done that, so my teeth were fucking cracked. You have the NAMO on your teeth when you sleep. Oh, yeah. Oh, damn. I grinded during the day because of stress, they said. Damn. Without even knowing what you're doing.

You know it's not during the night, though. I don't grind during the night. How do you know they can tell I don't I'm a mouth sleeper Yeah, yeah, you sleep when I'm out. Can you not breathe out your nose? So I have to I have sleep Did you get a fix though? Didn't you get your nose fixed? Sure. Yeah, sure That sucks. Okay, you know I started watching a change subject here. I started watching Tommy and Okay, you know I started watching a change subjects here. I started watching Tommy and Oh, do you like it? It's fucking good. You know I looked up last night because we on you know, Tommy is a big day far wire You know I looked up how big his dick is nobody really knows the actual size his dick all over I mean it's Tommy Lee it's it's it's this thing. It's like you know I mean, it's Tommy Lee. It's his thing.

It's like, you know, it's a fun thing. They get a dick. They show, I'm sure it's a prosthetic, but that's a prosthetic. The pants boobs are prosthetics, and then his dick is a prosthetic as well. But he has a conversation with his dick to get married to Pam and the dick's like,

talking, it's very strange. No. Yeah. It's like a funny kind of life. Who's doing that? It was the only thing I could do. It was like one small suit. Yeah, he's on like X, see, or something like that,

is dick like stuff. Hey, come on, what about this girl? It's, I was like, oh, this is the worst part of the show, but that's okay, I'll power through it. Yeah, you had a dick. And you know what, he's a Greek kid, he's Greek. Oh, it's you? I think, I think, I think, I think he talks about it.

He talks about it in the chat. He's Greek, right? He's working with a piece. Dude, you know what's heartbreaking? Greek's gay, he's a kid's got a fight. You got a dick to go, the soul is Greek. He's a dick. Dude, you know it's heartbreaking. Greaks gave the kids a fight. You got a dick to go. Yeah, Greaks is the greatest. Just a gay.

You got a dick to go. That's a funny, that'd be funny. Greaks have some dicks on him. Portion, he showed us how it then did. How about saying, Clarkson, my girl? Show my girl on who Tommy Lee is, right? Born in Mexico, my girl has no idea. I'm like, you know Tommy has a sex tape.

I was like the first sex tape to go viral. He has a big dick. He takes, he takes his dick and hunks the horn on the boat. Yeah. You ready to go, yeah, it was a big dick. They show, you know, the fake dick in the show, my girl. I owe Jesus Christ. That thing's, you know, she is, that'd be bigger.

Oh boy. What? Wow. Now hold on, the thing is, here's a trivial question. You have five sex dancer, how long goes that in years? What? How long goes that video? 94. How many years ago? 94. Not oh, it was a question. You have a five-sex dancer. How long goes that in years? What? How long goes that video? 94. How many years ago?

94. Not always a 94. I'd say at least 20 years ago. That can't be. Yeah, 94. I had to be in junior high, I think. I believe in a 95. I was like one. Is when that video came out? It was 27 years. 27 years ago, man. Oh my god. Almost 30 years ago. Oh, I thought it was in junior high. Tommy Lee lights it though. He's like this show shows like a beautiful story and it is actually a pretty cool love story. She said she's they should still be to get like, do you see that thing on Howard Stern's like,

what is she's like, we probably should still be together. Like that. I don't know. When you watch that show, you're like, this is chaos. There's like this intense love and they're attracted to each other. I'm pretty sure she's got a dime piece.

But yeah, like she was like a hometown sweet girl and he's pushing drugs on her and he's this wild boy it's crazy. Not having a soda you want. Three. Oh yeah it gets really good as it progresses you kind of see like how in love they actually are even though he's kind of where they close in Asia where they further apart. I know he was a little older I don't know how much Seth Rogan is great in it. Oh Seth Rogan is amazing. Yeah I worked with Pam and and and she was so pretty You dude in person she was people who looks better in person. We were like oh, oh, that's why because you look like a dipped in gold So pretty

She was older than when I were and then my girl asked because you know she didn't know Montlegru anything like that She's like Tommy had money like that I'm like he sold 50 Millie Let's say they made he made a dollar record He's fucking built the ring look at her back. Oh, it's stupid daddy. Are you kidding me? I fuck with yellow stone You guys watch that shit? Yellow stone is the shit You fucking block my knowledge goddamn time he blocked my knowledge

I'm like yeah fucking Yellow star I go to vacation with my family in Montana because of yellowstone to yellow I'm gonna block mine only goddamn time. He blocked me, he blocked mine only goddamn time. Yeah, fuck it, man. Let it explode. Yellowstone, I go to vacation with my family in Montana because of Yellowstone. To yellowstone. Specification of Yellowstone, I almost broke it. Yeah, are you on 1883 though? What's what do you mean?

1883 is the three of the Yellowstone. It's on Paramount Plus. No, bro, it might be better on Yellowstone. Whoa. It's fucking good. Taylor did that one as well, right? Same writer, same director, Taylor Sheridan. Yeah, he's the one on the horse that one. It's well right? Same writer same director Taylor shared it Yeah, he's the one on horse and she he's yeah

Yeah, I get a little annoyed with him in Yellowstone because he's always like showing off a road horse is all the fucking time You know, I'm doing the horse shimmy and shit. It's like he did he get out the fucking. Yeah, they go a little heavy with the horse tricks Yeah, it's like Yeah, they're stopping. But the fucking violence in it and the 1883 might be better. Ooh, fucking good. You saw every, one of the greatest episodes of any show I've ever seen ever was Yellowstone Episode one, season four.

That was, I couldn't even believe it, I was watching. The violence? Like so and after, because it ends, season three ends. That's the thing, because I want to watch. Yes, episode, season three ends where Because I wanna walk on the watch. Yeah, season three ends where all the main characters have an ordeal. And then, oh, you think everybody's dead.

And then, and then episode one of season four, I'm like, I can't even believe I'm watching. It's a pretty violent show. Oh, so, but it'll go violent and chill for a while, violent and shit. Like, the machine got episode one of season four, that's the one of season four, and like rip and all them come back

You know it's like fucking dude. It's like fucking. It's like cowboy mafia shit No, they're essentially a mafia. It's like somebody said it's like the sopranos in like Day Montana with Fighting over land. He's trying to protect his land and then all these new builders are trying to take over the land It's been family land for years. Dude, I'll binge till four o'clock and I gotta calm down. You have to calm down. You're so good.

You're so excited that you keep interrupting and you're like, you're like, you're looking at the end. It's so good in what his hands right now. It's so good. I wanted to buy a big fucking belt buckle when I saw that shit like those big, I bought a cowboy hat. Yeah, I bought a fucking, I don't know, you're gonna wear that. I wear it once here in Montana man. You guys still on the rock, I bought a fucking I don't know where you gonna wear that Where once here in Montana man, so it's like right

No, the show will do that my buddy Kevin Ryan he does are you garbage? Yeah, he goes dude I'm I'm in I'm like two episodes in and he goes I'm thinking about getting like go to Brazil to get fucking a ranch Like when you watch that shit, you're gonna start it is there was what's his name's great into two Cole house her oh rip rip dude you watch it or no No, I just know about how how good an actor's Beth. You know she's English. I couldn't believe that when I saw the room with the red hair That's it's on it. She's reddish blonde hair Who is she's full British? Oh, she's full British dude in that in that show dude. She's naked 24 seven She's got she's so gangster and I hurt she's such a woman man. She's got a body. Those are natural. By the way she's

older. She's she's so good in this and she's she's as sexy. Kevin Costner's great in it. Costner's still kind of gangster man. Yeah he is. Yeah he is. He Costner's still got a little bit of that so that's the guy from Davis. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he is. He cost or still got a little bit of that. So that's the guy from Davis. Yeah, that's rip. That's called a house or yeah. His character is just his character is just whatever whatever the boss needs. He just he's like the he's like the great way. He's like Luca. I mean, but I'm more competent, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's my favorite show that was that was saying the bolt they would say like god here some of us like he doesn't ask questions dirty Well, I'm gonna be like can you take care of this and be like?

Yeah, I got yeah Kevin Kostner in the same thing. He's like hey, take care of it. Then he gets it That's that's his his character like he could just do some It's what he has my channel off without question, because he brought him in as a kid. So it's like the big muscle like the fucking. He's just like whatever needs he goes to him and it gets gone. And then he's in charge of the ranch, like the boys on the ranch, the cowboys. And when they fight, he goes,

hey, if you're gonna fight somebody, you have to fight me. You don't fight each other, you fight me. You don't fight somebody, fight me. Call him, he fucked everybody up. It's so funny, because that's the character I hear about the most, even though I haven't seen his show. But his character is the character I hear about the show. If he's mad at you in the show,

and even his walk, you're like, oh, this dude's fucked. Like, he just, he'll walk up and just grab me and just start beating the fuck out of somebody. Yeah, it's crazy. It's a good show, man. My favorite. All right, Chen, what do you got? All right.

Yeah, but that Tommy and Pam is legit. It's so good. And that actor that plays Tommy talked with them. Sebastian Stan. Sebastian, you talked with them for like months leading up to it, learning to play the drums, everything. And now Pamela has her own documentary in the works of Netflix.

Yeah, she won't comment on the show. Yeah, she won't comment on it. She supports it. But it doesn't paint her in a bad light. Like, I haven't talked about it in her dog. Yeah. For I want to save it. Yeah.

I guess I'll watch that done. Uh, what'd you get here? All right. So Colby, Coveington and Mazvedal got into a fight at a Miami, like hotspot. I guess it's a restaurant. Uh, people are saying that they were there and Mazvedal saw Colby and went over while Colby was looking at different ways. I knew it was outside the restaurant though. This is footage from outside. It seemed like they were inside somewhere.

I'm not quite sure what happened. Colby had broken his tooth. Here's the thing, Mazda was facing a felony charge now. You can't just look up to somebody. Yeah, yeah But also like I like most of all but also dude you had 25 minutes legally to make money and beat them up And you you got your ass beat by the way I'm talking to our boy the Wistie is cuz I'm gonna be down in Miami this week Which is I meant to tell you spring break he goes He goes he goes dude. They declared a state of emergency Yeah, I was gonna tell you that. Because I played that last year,

during the fight. Oh, yeah, they did, yeah. They lock it down. For what? They locked it down Miami. So the fans go, oh, South Beach Miami's locked down so they don't come out. They don't come out.

You couldn't be there the worst time. Is that right? I would never play Spring Break again. Fuck. I'm gonna kill my agent. He doesn't know that. Well, I guess it's really bad this year. they like moscow to me you can't go to somebody and just start with the also just for just for just a

sucker punch so the person told police after they responded at ten fifty five there's attacked by mazal he was walking from the restaurant according to person mazal ran up from the left see he was walking away from the restaurant ran up from the left sucker punched him twice one punch was to his mouth Other than his left eye during the attack the person said Mazbal told me shouldn't have been talking about my kids Mazbal repeated a similar statement on social media the person Colby suffered a fractured left tooth an abrasion does left risk Not that's nothing that's yeah

Mazbal according to the person account was wearing a blue surgical mask and a hoodie that covered his head like we didn't know him He's able to identify Mazda all he said because of his trademark curly hair that flowed out of his hoodie In addition to his voice and the upper half of his face that's a bullshit move Yeah, you guys just Yeah, also you're you're you're finally making a lot of money. You're a celebrity You're a grown man you're 37 you're a grown man in your hometown, and you're sending a message. But he also has his own fight organization out there too.

It's like, my store's crushing it. It's his own tequila, I think, like he's crushing it. What does he do? But also, bro, you had 25 minutes to legally fuck this guy up and get to ask what. And now you're in a sucker punch, and we have three. That's fair.

A sucker punch is, I get, don't talk about family, but don't suck a punch you got, because he can't even, like, when you come from the side, it's like, all the way up. Like you said, you had 25 minutes. Yeah. I get to understand, like, years later, he's talking about his kids, maybe,

but you guys, not with your three actual, you just fall like three, but also you're a professional and you're, Jorge Mazbizal, everything, you have everything going for you, everything. It's such a bad look, so I'm not. So you might get charged with a felony. Oh yeah, well, but I think what's gonna help him out

is Kobe's a fighter. He's not gonna press charges, I bet. I bet your Kobe's in print charges. Cause he used to be roommates, his roommates. Yeah, I don't, I don't, deep down, he probably wouldn't want to say. Even though it's like a rival sending him to jail,

because that's jail, that's like legit time. Yeah, well, it's a felony. Yeah, and it's also though, you know, it's like a rival sending him to jail. That's jail, that's like legit time. Well, it's a felony. Yeah, and it's also though, it's not just jail time. If Kobe wanted to sue the fuck out of him, he could get a million dollars out of him. Oh yeah. Yeah, again, with their history, I doubt Kobe pressed his charges.

But it's just dumb. So stupid. It's just immature shit. It is immature shit to just go very, it really is. Like the biggest thing is they just fought for 25 bits inside the octagot. Yeah.

And also you did it professionally in front of the world for 25 minutes. And didn't land anything. Like you're asked beat for 25. Yeah, he got beat up. I had it like, I had it four rounds to one. Was that? Oh yeah.

But I just feel like soccer punching too. If you're gonna, like, Mazda would usually fight you. He'd be like, let's go. Instead of that? Oh yeah, yeah. But I just feel like sucker punching two if you're gonna, like, Mosvidal would usually fight you. He'd be like, let's go. Instead of coming up behind you, man. I don't know. What else, yeah, Jen? It's weird. Gosh.

Four men in Florida were recently arrested because they were caught stealing gas. They have a machine where they can put a device inside of the gas nozzle where it controls the flow of the gas and they set it so they only get charged about a penny to five cents per gallon and so they were just stealing loads and loads of gas, taking the contraption out and then moving on. Did you see the gallon L.A.? No, it was.

Set up a van and the bottom of the van opens up He pulls up to where like the the big semi trucks of gas put the big hoses and fill it up So he would pull up cover the opening open it up somehow for you I'd open up and just cipher gas out of it and then sell the people down the road wow They Remember you can pump gas and pay after oh Wow They remember you could pump gas and pay after oh My money came to gas runs all dude. I felt like a piece of shit

I would do that one time before money. I had no money. I had no money And I had no gas so I just pull up and I'm just looking at the lady the ladies like at the cash register I'm just looking and I just I'm gonna take too much if I gotta get at least like 15 to get out of here And I just did it and I just kind of slowly, she starts walking, I just fucking ran. They fucking start running out and I just peeled out. I had to, I couldn't, but how insane was that

that you could not pay, dude, what would they think? But also, you can deserve it. But you could just pump the gas and pay after. And you're always gonna be one person a day that's gonna do that at least. Oh, my mom would have me do it every week. Me and my brother, I said, okay, I need gas.

We don't have money, I need gas. So me and my brother, I was like 12, you were so excited. That's gangster. My brother said this on that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, my mom knows. I'd pull up in her camera and we just fill up and throw him in.

They say place. It's like a block from my house. Figure it out. It makes his face. Is there a podcast live? No. Okay, good. You know, is that fucked up though that like we got to be, like just what you said,

like just what you said before, to what you just said now, it's like we're in a time, we're in a fucking time, dude, where it's like we go on a podcast and we're just shooting a shit with our friends. You know, you guys have been kind enough to me to, you know, I consider you guys friends, you've been on my show. And we're just sitting here shooting a shit, having a good time, you know, me and you go

back. And we could sit there and say some shit. You could just say some shit like, yeah, man, my mom made me, you know, or I was broken, I did. And there could be an article tomorrow about this. For sure. Oh my God. 10 years.

Dude's family made him steal. Yeah. That Oh my God. Look at this. 10 years. Dude's family made him steal. That's the type of parents he has. And then all of a sudden, you're like, yo, my mom, but we have a, like you don't understand what my mom is. Yeah, yeah. But like we were broke and hungry,

so we would just go steal a block of cheese and shit. Yeah, I'll do you one better. Try it when me, Rogan Brian and Eddie Bravo do fight campaigns. Four hours. We're hot. We're drinking. You're just trying to figure shit out.

Do you talk? People are like, oh, you said that's like, dude, I was high in drunk. Yeah. Like that's not the problem. We were all just talking. We're talking. It's like, it's like, we're just hanging,

I know, yeah, we do, obviously there's mics and cameras, but like, fans want to listen to, got people talk. They want to listen to, they want to listen to, you know, somebody with their friends shoot the shit and if someone comes out wild, that's kind of why people tune in because they're like, hey man, you know what? Oh, he was in a mood and I know if you know she pells in a mood He could say this or a verzy's in a frisky. He's gonna say something like that But that's what I want to hear, but it's not there's no malice in it

Yeah, but dude you can say something to a woman You can say something to a woman Yeah, like you might have read an article and you say something about something. And then that would be an allegation that she goes, you know, five years ago, he said this. And there's no context. It's called a disturbing comment, and that's considered an allegation. So nowadays, you can say anything, and they can fucking bring it up whenever they want. And if the right journalist or the wrong journalist gets the past in the wrong hands, that's kind of what you have to deal with as a comic as a podcaster.

We've all said a thousand things that can be taken out of context. And I think you have to just be like, fuck it. This is the way we do that. Yeah, you literally have to say fun. But, you know, whatever you say can be held against you. As you get more far-intentioned as you go. It's a fine line of being smart. Because you no, no, it's a fine line of being smart

because you do have to be, you can't, I don't be a knuckle in that. If you're drinking a smoke and you're just gonna be like, oh, I'm drinking a swim, and you're gonna say some shit that you know can get you trouble, that's stupid. Like that's, like, you know what you're asking for. Like, yeah, like you're going,

like it's above and beyond it. You can be quoting an article, you can be saying it. Right, no, no, that's the thing. Like that's, and you may not have said it. Right, it's really wild. And you may not have said it. Because you're being epitomeized. It's really wild. Very good. But yeah, you're right.

I mean, there are some people just ignored, like I know who the fuck I am, and I know the type of person I am, but it's like, if you know who you're in, you know who you're in, well, virtually, you're in. It's like, I don't know where your special is going. Let's say it goes, I'm not saying it is.

Let's say it goes to Netflix. Right. So, I was talking with Jeff Di about this. So, when you release a special, you know, you have your fan base and you have people that know you and your good person, great dad, we all know you in here. But when you release it, let's say you release on Netflix or YouTube, well, then you put it out into the world and they don't know you. And then they get like, do you hear what he said about Mexicans? Do you hear what he said about his mom or his wife?

And it's like, oh, dude, those were jokes. Like, because you're opening yourself up to the mass audience who it's gonna piss off a few, you know, it's gonna piss. But you're playing home games. You know what I'm saying? Like, your hometown knows exactly who you are and they know if you made a, I don't know what the reference is,

but if there's a reference towards your wife, like clearly I love my wife, but clearly there's a reference towards your wife, like, clearly I love my wife, but clearly this is a joke for the special. Well, yeah, there's a certain thing where it's like, thanks man, or stage. When I'm on stage, all bets are off because if you're dumb enough, if you're dumb enough to not understand that I'm making fun of this, for example, right now we were hanging out, this, for example, right now, we were hanging out, me,

Yannis a couple of us were hanging out, and I was like, dude, you know, is there a joke with these Asian people getting punched in the face because of COVID? And everyone goes, no, you can't do that. You can't do that. Oh, shit. And I go, oh, there's a joke.

Okay, so that night, I was at the stand, and I figured out a way to do it. Asian people are laughing okay and i and because the joke is the lunacy of some psychopath doing right and if you're too fucking don't know if i'm it doesn't matter what we listen if we start censoring ourselves this comics were really in trouble that's it we're the jermis rase is that thing you send me from daily wire so daily wire jermis raises is a new company

they have this hilarious hat what happened was they used to be sponsored by Harry's razors. Harry's razors heard somebody and from the daily, daily wire say, a man is a man and a woman is a woman. There was somebody who worked there. Said, a man is a man and a woman is a woman. Okay. So that was considered anti-trans. So they said, we're're not gonna advertise on your platform So there are there are these woke corporations that are there are lockstep Wow insanity, but what happens is it opens up it opens up, you know The marketplace for another fucking company who goes you guys don't want this There are a lot of Americans that will buy my product so fuck off and you're always gonna have fans

That come out to see you because they love you and they know the person you are and they could tell from either encounters with you or podcasts or anything that they've stayed kind of no. You know, that's what I did. That was all I did. This last hour, this new hour that I have coming out, like when you watch it, you know who I am, where I come from, top to bottom.

You sent to me, it is. Oh, fantastic. Oh, thank you, man. Thank you. No, this is, this is, oh yeah, you see, yeah this is this is one where I'm just like you just know who I am as a dude And if I say something I say something, but there's no no one's hurting anybody and I'm making jokes Yeah, if we start center you want to do stand do you want to do stand up where everybody leaves and everyone's happy? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, dude My my my special address end of April. You know, I go hard in the pain of my wife and her family.

Super hard on Mexicans, super hard. They came to the taping and I said, hey, babe, you know, these are jokes. This is my perspective and I wrote jokes out of it. So let your mom and your family know, I don't actually hate them. And so I was so nervous. I was like, I wish they didn't come, man.

It's gonna be a disaster. They were laughing the hardest. I could see them. And they come in the back and like, that was great. I'm like, you're not offended? Like, no. So I'm like, oh, if they're not offended, I don't give a fuck.

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for them. I call my dad and my dad, listen, I talk about you a little in the special and I kind of talk about how you are. He goes, I know good, I talk about you a little in the special and I kind of talk about how you are. He goes, I don't give a fuck, say it all. And he's like, he knows he's a unique character. He knows that he's unapologetic and some people aren't going to like him. And he knows that I'm a comic and I see things that I

want to talk about. He's totally, it's like you said, we think that day, because there is the thing where it's like we chose to do this, not them. In all the years I've been doing this my wife one time, because my wife is like, Paul, I know you respect me and you respect the kids, and I'll never disrespect my wife for kids on stage. As a matter of fact, I'll talk about them in a praising way, but sometimes I'll say something about my wife,

but it's always like what she really does, how it annoys me, and it's fun loving. One time she was like, one time she goes, how it annoys me, and it's fun loving. One time, she was like, one time, she goes, that one is a little, and I'm like, I kind of felt it too. And it was, and since I felt it, I feel it, you know what I'm talking about. Even if I feel it, like,

you feel it too, then it's like, you're not gonna do it. As I'm up there saying it, I feel that she would go, he didn't need to. One, two, three. He didn't need to say that. And then I go, you know what, you're right, only one time.

And we know, we know what we're doing up there. But I don't like people that do what I don't like. And I don't like when comics do the thing where they're gonna say some extra overly. And I don't like when comics. And I won't, obviously I won't mention names. I mean, I will off air. But I don't like when comics do that shit

about talking about their kids in a way where they're like, you know, they talk about shit like that. I don't like when comics do that shit about like talking about their kids in a way where they're like, you know They talk about shit like that. I don't like when you talk about your kids in a gross way or like yeah, or like even like, you know, yeah, like bathroom stuff or sex stuff with kids and you're doing it You're doing it because first of all, it's easy to get a reaction from and be it's like your kids are gonna see that Yeah, you son of daughter is gonna be like one day go my dad was a comic for how long oh let me look at his you know was always oh he said that about me when I was eight yes

fucked up and then you're like that's a shitty thing man so it's like I always look at it like that like not that shock value shit is like not oh one one thing you have to clear from the in laws of the hour I don't know you're fuck people get upset on your fuck if they're cool with it and who else can be mad at it Yeah, if they're not mad or if they're laughing There's nothing better than talking about a group of people and making a joke about them and they're laughing the hardest and they get it

Yes, that's the best. Yeah, right. What else you got, Jen? Actually Excuse me. It's 141 right now it takes about 40 minutes to get a berbink What do you think what five more minutes and then give us one more than we get them out of here? Yeah, what do you got what you should know in another movie? Will you be that no no? I got to do I'm actually Tom Papa one man the podcast. Oh, he's great Yeah, yeah, I'm doing it. I'm gonna send us some fucking bread Yes, but send everybody's bread. He makes bread. He makes bread. It's fucking hilarious

Yeah, right They promised became fucking home makers and shit darn panda Baking cookies and shit bread Oh, I should probably try to get the Uber right yeah, yeah, what. What the fuck? Well, not gonna do this is nuts. What's even crazy, how gangster is Mike Tyson? He doesn't, he doesn't care. This guy pulls, he's challenging Mike Tyson. Then pulls a gun, everyone like kind of sprints out.

Tyson's just sitting there. How gang? Brooklyn kid. Dude, he crowdsville. Pride once going like, he said like, I kinda can't wait to be dead. And he was just crying. He said something along his lines. He's like, yeah like I kind of can't wait to be to die. And he was just crying. He said something a lot of times. He's like, yeah, I just don't want to be anymore or something like it's too much.

And I was just like, and then you could tell you man. Dude, he's another dude, man. He's, yeah. He's a good dude. Yeah, video of it. Yeah. So this is in a Hollywood. It's a comedy.

It's a bar. That has like a rooftop small rooftop comedy club on it. And there's a guy on stage doing his act, and some random guy just walks up to Mike Tyson during the comedian's act and starts talking to him. And he goes, he goes, he goes, something like, I'm trying to upgrade, man, I'm trying to fight. He's out of his mind.

I'm not fighting, you just see Mike Tyson was sitting there, like, dude, get the fuck out of here. They pulled out. Get out of here. I'm not playing with you, get out of here, bro. Hey, you. I don't give a fuck. It's a guy in the black jacket on the left. Yeah, so the tall guy is a host

You see Paul the gun right there Oh shit. Yeah, I'm joking Hey I love you, man. I'm so good to all your confidence, me, for real. If you're waiting for you, we wouldn't have no inspiration. I love you on G for real. Clearly, he's not mentally well. But what they didn't show before this is he talks all the, like, Rural Star is a better video.

No, Tyson, this is the gun pulling part. We have the video. Rural Star has it where he's talking shit in the beginning. They kick him off. He pulls the gun out. It's not. Tyson's telling him to come over. Yeah,'s high-tech. Come here. Oh, Tyson gives him a hug Got it. That's Yeah, here it is

Says I'm trying to upgrade my status most of the fight I'm gonna fight him. You're just a f***ing. Hey, you fucking a f***ing. Hey, you fucking a f***ing. Hey, you fucking a f***ing. Hey, you fucking a f***ing. Hey, you fucking a f***ing. What the f*** are you doing?

You fucking a f***ing crazy. Crazy, man. I'm not playing with you. Get out of here, bro. I'm gonna be f***ing. Hey, you f***ing. Look at Tyson just sitting. I'm not playing with you.

Look at the f***ing. Look at the f***ing. I'm not playing with you. Look at him. He pushed him. He pulls out the gun here. Watch everyone go oh Yo, I think that's dairy is on stage

Is it yeah, there's been it and there's one he hugs on Darius's hilarious. Yeah, all right No, he's completely out of it. He's not out there. My thing is, I can't believe these guys just let him get away with it. He would tackle it. He would tackle it. The fact that he could have just hugged him and shot him. Well, I agree. I just think it's really weird.

And no one, not from Mike's team or the staff, called the police. There's no report on it at all. So this guy just balanced. But I'm sure the cops are gonna look for him now Yeah, cuz he pulled the gun on pump. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure the kind of license. I know Paul. Let's get going Yeah, that's it. Well, let us come back on Yeah, thank you guys for having me dude. Yeah, I wanted to announce it, but I wanted to put it all I'll be it I'll be it um no, what's the cold? Yeah March 31 March 31st. I was rich for us. April 2nd, where? You had to stand with rich vass.

Oh no, that's just a stand, that's just a show of lineup. That the stand does their own, it ends up being on my website by them. I don't know how. I don't know. My date is. Comedy connections, yeah man.

So come out to that and then I'm also gonna be in San Diego and be in Tampa and all that. So thank you guys for having me New York May 1st and 2nd. Hit me up. Shultz to Stefano. Yeah, hit me up. Hit me up. I'll be out there. Yeah By times comes out to be sold out 7th sold out show in a row at the Hollywood improv shop and friends Delia, count, Chappelle, Jeff died myself the squad is out the Hollywood improv tonight But but time you listen to this sold out Chicago is there's this Thursday Friday Saturday Chicago Schomburg improv. We're gonna sold out as well that Chicago Illinois Schomburg improv

March 24th through 26. That's this Thursday Friday Saturday Phoenix Arizona Shepell Lacey will finally be there. He's been avoiding us Phoenix Stand up live April 14th to the 16th. And then the big boy, Moon Tower Comedy Festival is April 22nd through the 23rd. Get your tickets right now. And that's it, man. Take us to FATKZ.com.

The thick mutters, April 9th, 1030 AM. Sign up using the code thickboy to run the 5K or 15K. If you use the code thickboy, you get 10% off your entry fee. Come get some. Good Brian, where you at? code thickboy, you get 10% off your entry fee. Come get some. Good Brian, where you at? I'm gonna be in Miami this weekend, kids, bring great Saturday, Sunday for spring break,

Tampa, Florida, Tampa, and Rob, April 15th, 16th, Port Charlotte, Florida, Beside Theater, April 21 to the 23rd. I got a lot of balls right now. A lot of balls right now. A lot of balls. Also, I'm shooting my special braia tickets go on sale May 19th so come get you some braia. I'm doing my special

We'll in Salt Lake City. I'll see you April 8th and April 9th and wise guys comedy club May 6th and 7th. I'll be in San Diego at Mike drop comedy club and then May 12th one nighter in the hometown Phoenix stand-up live Boom, all right. That's Phoenix, Stand Up Live. Boom. All right, that's it. Balls, love you, man. Thanks, guys. See you guys, well, this great part. Yeah, of course, always.

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