The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 815: DADDY GOT THE FIGHTER AND THE KID 3D BACK

Episode Date: July 18, 2022

Brendan gives a big reveal: He secured the rights to all 12 The Fighter and The Kid 3D episodes and will begin distributing them on YouTube starting tomorrow! The boys also discuss the logistics of robbing museums and reselling the artwork on the black market, snitching on billionaires who keep illegal animal products in their house, the most famous spear in all of history, Brendan giving young comic Jakob Kendall a chance to perform at his shows in Ft Wayne Indiana this past weekend and the audience member who said he found the new Rudy bit extremely offensive, Bryan  giving a similar opportunity to a young comedian who ruined it by dressing up as an alien, plus a recap of Yair vs Ortega, Tiger's newfound love for Lava lamps and their upcoming trip to the Home Run Derby, why Bryan has the Toyota Camry of babies, Ricky Martin's disturbing allegations, and a deep dive into Angelina Jolie's peak hotness. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On holiday, there's nothing like doing nothing. As an Expedia member, you can save up to 30% when you add a hotel to your flight, so you can go out there with great ambition to do absolutely nothing for less. Expedia. Made to travel. Yeah, we gon' keep it movin' like it's never gonna end When it was Brendan, when it was Brian, when it was just talkin' to friends We got the kid callin' on the left with the fighter on the right Had to do it right, cause we comin' at you live Back with the team, had to keep it OG, must see TV Y'all had to do it?

Yes, we did, cause we back at it again It's the fighter and the kids It's the fighter and the kids Back at it again It's the fighter and the kids It's the fighter and the kids. It's the fighter and the kids. Back at it again. It's the fighter and the kids. It's the fighter and the kids. Back at it again. It's the fighter and the kids.

It's the fighter and the kids. It's the fighter and the kids. This is really the fighter and the kid. We're out. Let's go, dude. How good does Chin look today? Chin is tight.

You look like you're the guy who's going to come and rob a museum with me. And then I go, great, love the look, but you can't wear khaki and maroon. Oh, I like the khaki. Oh, I do too, but I need them in black because we're going to be doing this night. That kind of stands out. But I like the look. It looks like the brains of the operation if you're going to rob an art night, and that kind of stands out. But I like the look. It looks like the brains of the operation, if you're going to rob an art gallery.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look like the guy who's a thief, but also fashion conscious, and you want to mix it up. And I'm like, not today. I like to mix it up, yeah. This is a huge heist. Who the fuck robs?

Some people rob museums. Is that a thing? Do people actually still do that? Someone jacked some big art piece recently, I thought, right? Where do you sell it if it's a big art piece? Like, you gotta find some billionaire who's willing to pay for it. Who's evil?

Yeah, and hang it up in their... But also, how does a billionaire find that art piece? Is he on, like, the dark web? Like, I'll take the Mona Lisa. I guess, but then... Isn't that weird? Cops are like like but that's that that but you're a billionaire so you're you gotta hope your your kids friends don't come over like snapchat or tiktok the mona lisa right you'd be stressed out the entire time a little bit or you

have like a uh like a christmas party like your aunt from wherever flies in you gotta hope that bitch doesn't start snitching like it's the mona lisa in his house then it starts spreading well authority there's a guy i a friend of my parents who had a uh relic it was like a spear from the amazon that he bought down there but it was an authentic spear from like this the yanomamo tribe or something like that and think about how shitty people are he has this big party um he's got made money and he he does a lot of charity work so he had this big party for charity like he was trying to raise a fundraiser and the spirit's just in the house like chilling this well the spirit's just on the wall it's like a centerpiece yeah just on the wall a guy see someone saw it someone and said that feather the feathers are are um from uh an endangered bird

and they're not allowed to be in this country i'm gonna report him and reports him anonymously i bet you that guy is the guy that leaves so many yelp reviews well he's a whoever it was was a an enemy of this guy because or just a piece of piece of shit yeah a piece of a cowardly little like weasel you know he's a guy leaves a comment on pornhub or something exactly same guy exactly just it has a just an account to like oh man that scene where he and another thing i don't like about this man it was hot all that you know well the guy so check this out or he's like man his hands are too small but let me finish the story so he goes so he does that and the fucking guy uh it cost him one million dollars one million dollars in fines and lawyer's fees to defend himself oh you oh because he has

all the money so he's like i'll fight this yeah but no he had to fight it he had to fight it because they got prison time they brought the hammer of the gods down on him because he was wealthy what a waste of time and taxes but that's what they do so he spent one million dollars getting himself in the clear, and it took over a year. It took two years, I think. To keep that stupid stick. But also, here's my thing.

That guy, imagine this to me. Let's say you were some big animal person, and you walked in my house, and I have a giant taxidermied fucking white elephant it's the last one on earth yeah right and you and you were appalled you're like mother what the this is the last one like yeah cool right yeah he got a cold passed away dude i said go ahead and buck that thing up ship it to my house better than that he's young he's young and just shot him he was just in the way well i'd be like what do you want me to do i didn't't kill him, man. It's cool art, right?

You know? I'm like, go ahead and push that button. It makes a noise. You know, like it's just some outlandish billionaire shit. And you're like offended. Tell me, who would you call to report that?

Who do you call? The Elephant Society. Would you Google it? I wouldn't. The Endangered Animal Hotline? Yeah. Who do Google it? I wouldn't, first of all. Endangered animal hotline? Yeah. Who do you call? I wouldn't.

Did you call your local cops and be like, okay? Yeah. We're trying to solve murder, dude. They have 500 cold cases, dude. We don't give a fuck about this. They'll put you through to the Protective Species Bureau. That's what you do. Social media.

Take a picture and go, unreal. unreal you believe this last one on earth worst piece of shit somebody help me take this guy out my god and then you'd get a million social justice warriors like get up you just have a million people in general picking his hollywood everybody would be like this motherfucker killing elephants some famous celeb would be like can you believe that no no what happens in that situation is people who are public figures they want to up their profile but expressing their outrage currency use you for social currency and they ruin you i can't believe they killed an elephant you know i don't want to kill elephants either but like they'll just some people will just this is my chance to get more attention this is my chance to get more social credit by ruining this guy's life which is why i don't believe those i'll tell you right right now though if i had that if you walked in my house tomorrow if i had a dinner

party and there was a spare on the wall i would lie my i'd be like did i kill a thousand men man yeah i bought it at the flea market yeah i'd it. I think it killed 1,000 men. Yeah. That's what I'm telling you. 1,000. The story would change every time. It pierced the sides of 1,000 men. Have you seen the movie 300?

I'm like, yeah. You know the spear he throws in it? That's a movie, but that's the real spear, man. No. What's the best? Let me see. Let me test your historical knowledge. You got a spear up there.

What's the actual thing? If you really wanted to lie. And what would be the most famous spear you could ever possess? Well, I'd say, you know who Achilles is, right? The Greek god? Close. Keep going. I'm like, you know how they say it's all mythical? Nope.

It's not, man. Nope. That's not the case. I get it off the dark web. All you fuckers, listen. A spear be? Hold on. Help me out here.

A spear? Yeah, it's a spear. Give me a time period. If you had a spear up on the wall and you wanted to come up with the greatest story, what would be the most valuable spear you could ever own? There's a spear that was used on someone. That changed history.

It was used. A spear. It was a spear that was used on someone that if you had that spear, people would come from all over the world. What? From all over the world to pay homage. And this is world history.

Yes. People would come from all over the world. No, think about it. If I had a spear on my wall, and people believed it was the actual spear used to pierce this particular person, people from all over the world would come and kneel is it kneel it's biblical sure so is it mythology or no it's biblical yeah biblical so it's old school sort of what's the spear you fucks what is it not the one that killed jesus

yes it's the well it's the it's the spear that the roman uh centurion or whatever used to pierce Jesus' side when he was crucified. Oh, when they're up there, they pierce. Oh, he got pierced in the side. Holy lance, also called the spear of destiny. Yeah. Oh, I mean, you couldn't have that in your house. It's the lance that, no. You'd have millions of people come to kiss the spear. Of course. You couldn't have that. It's the Lance that... You'd have millions of people like coming to kiss the spear.

Of course. You couldn't have that. It's the Lance that pierced the side of Jesus. Now listen, I don't have the Holy Spear, but I'm damn close to a Fire and Kid fan. Your boy has been working relentlessly, relentlessly, to get the Fire and Kid 3D original episodes back.

And guess what? As of this morning, Daddy got them all back. You got them all back you got them on clock sports yeah the team has them we got all 12 episodes and outtakes which i didn't know they had they have out that and we were in our 20s when we did that dude we did that when we were 17 let's release that they're in black and white dude so, so I have all 12 episodes. Shout out to Pete Valencia, who was our boss at Fox Sports, who actually greenlit the whole operation.

Yeah. And I ran into him at Malibu Cars and Coffees with my kiddos. He's got an older Ferrari, dope-ass Ferrari. And I was talking to him, and he was like, yeah. And his buddy was like, oh, how do you know him? He's like, oh, we actually did this project. We're fighting kids 3D. And I go, and he goes, whatever happened goes whatever happened those i'm like that's why i

wanted to see you dude i want those he's like you do i'm like yes and he's like fox doesn't care they're doing nothing with it i'm like you think they would release them he's like i can make some calls i still have friends over there and then we exchanged numbers and then just weeks months have gone by and then finally bless that yeah pete hit me up today and was like yo sending you all 12 episodes right now you go are you serious he's just signed this contract i'm like yes not to pay 10 million dollars 10 million dollars but this i think we release them i think every tuesday we drop yeah for the next 12 weeks an episode of finding Kid 3D Great idea 12 episodes

13th episode Be the outtakes We'll create sizzles Put on Finding the Kid But it'll all be on Finding the Kid YouTube Great idea It'll be cool huh

I love it We'll just start it tomorrow I love that Yeah the first episode Will come out tomorrow So for those of you Who didn't see it Or had to pay for it

Or you illegally streamed it Now you can watch it For real At Finding the Kid YouTube How was Indiana Dude Fort Wayne was awesome Great clubs did now you can watch it how dare you real at firing the kid uh youtube how was it how was indiana dude fort wayne was awesome great clubs that summit comedy club the same owners as bricks down spokane and tacoma yep it's like that family owned this run a good club i guess it was called

gut busters before like rodney dangerfield some shit came through they're like old school but uh it's just you know they're just they're appreciative I didn't realize how close Fort Wayne is to everything like a lot of fans I'd meet

they'd be like oh I'd go where'd you come from drove him from Chicago where'd you come from Detroit where'd you come from Michigan

where'd you come from you know Ohio it's kind of like if you fly there it might make more sense to fly to Chicago and then drive or somewhere

we looked at it so you could fly into Chicago or Detroit it's like a two and a half hour drive or you can fly to Chicago and then drive or somewhere. We looked at it. So you could fly into Chicago or Detroit. It's like a two and a half hour drive. Or you can fly into Chicago and take a 30 minute puddle jumper to Fort Wayne. So we took the 30 minute puddle jumper. But now Daddy had a 6 a.m. flight out of Fort Wayne back to L.A. Now there's no directs.

So let me tell you what you got to do, B. You got to take at 6 a.m. Now they board at 5, right? So daddy had to wake up at 4 a.m. Yeah. Didn't get off stage till 1 a.m.

Yeah. So me, Mark, and my brother just went, you know what? Stay up. We're just going to stay up. Ooh. And I'm 39 years old.

Oh, that's... And I run hard. You know that. Oh, yeah. I'm drinking on the road. Yeah. Now, 24 hours up straight that i did in college didn't feel good no at 39 you want to die oh dude i was seeing

things my vision was my my speech was slurred if it is already already you know it's not good yeah it was not good and i was like i'll sleep on the plane how many whiskeys in i do two every show yeah but you were drinking after that no i never drink after the show oh you don't no never okay never never all right only during stand-up so you're not drinking much no all right no no i joke around but no um being up 24 hours and then because the reason i have to get back so early is boston is obsessed with that car show on sundays every he up at 5.30, 6 a.m. on the dot. Every single morning, he used to say, ooh.

At that age? He used to say, ooh, chombies. And that's why I have the zombie tattoos. Now it's, Papa, I want to go to the car show. Every single morning. At that age? Every morning. Every morning.

Monday through Sunday. We'll get back from the car show. He'll take a nap in the car. Wakes up, Papa, I want to go to the car show. I'm like, dude, you got to change the tape here, man. He's obsessed with fucking. Obsessed with the cars. I'm going around and seeing all the cars.

Wow. Loves it. Wow. So I can't miss it. So you got to get up. You're home. You got to be home by like 12. Oh, no.

Car show got pushed back, which I'm glad you brought that. Got pushed back to 11. So I laid at 930. You'll sleep sitting up straight on a plane because they're comfortable. Those seats are comfy. Couldn't sleep on the plane because I was hungry, too. I didn't eat. I tell Mark, I calculated in my head, you know,

because I'm not hungry before I perform, while I perform at all. Then you get done Fort Wayne, there's really nothing open Fort Wayne, right? at all then you get done for a win there's there's really nothing open for a win right so i i would say uh friday saturday i had maybe a thousand calories a day when i calculated my head wow yeah ate very little very little barely ate i feel better sometimes me too i had a meat i had a meat fest my buddy's one of those guys who goes we're on the beach we play spike ball play some volleyball i'm exhausted he goes home when he makes when he barbecues my buddy josh he's a he's an well he's a master at it well he's a master hold on he's a master does he have a smoker oh he's got everything but but what how do you cook the meat smoker all of those green egg things? Smoked, grilled. It depends on what meat are you talking about, sir?

The Kobe hamburger that he makes himself from scratch with his own spice blend? Well, not from scratch. Or do you mean the drumsticks, the chicken drumsticks where he's got dry rub, he's got Asian barbecue, everything. It's so stupid. Or how about the fucking barbecue pork ribs, the rack of pork ribs? Anyway, the point is- Those are my favorite.

Even though I don't like pork. I ate so much meat with so much sauce that the next day I woke up- Sugar, salt? Well, I woke up with the meat. I call it the meats. Meat eyes? I call it the meats. Did you get meat sweats?

You ever eaten so much meat you start sweating meat? Listen, I didn't have meat sweats. Yes, I had meat sweats all night but then you gotta take all the shits yeah and then your stomach ain't right bro no no

so I had to I had to go I fasted all Sunday because I was like that's just you did fast all Sunday my blood was gravy my blood was gravy

I text you and took you've never done this you took an entire day to text me yeah I texted him I did when I was in Fort Wayne

hello Brian yep I always get back a complete day later entire day to text me yeah i texted him i did when i was in fort wayne hello brian yep i always get back a complete day later what's up i went too late too late i said dude i text you 24 hours ago yeah what were you doing dude i was you're busy with your new friends i was recovering you have new friends that's what's happening i was recovering you have new friends no i was you have new friends oh you this, you know, because how many opportunities you and all the comics give me when I was coming up This kid after Thursday show big kid So it drives down and I get done meet greet and the managers like hey Brendan meet. What was his name? Jacob, what's up? And I go, where'd you come from, man? He goes, I drove from India.

I go, how far is that? And he goes, it's usually only two hours. It was traffic. It took me about three hours. I go, fuck, man. He drove a long way just to come to the show. And he's like, no, I drove to meet you, man. I've always wanted to meet you.

And I'm 22. I've been in the economy two years. And I go, what do you do in India? He goes, I work at the healing. I work security. Oh, cool. Are you getting up a lot? And he goes, I'm trying, man. It's tough. Two years in, blah, blah, blah. I go, hold on, doing? Indy goes, I work at the healing. I work security. Oh, cool. Are you getting up a lot? And he goes, I'm trying, man.

It's tough. Two years in, blah, blah, blah. I go, hold on, dude. You drove three hours? He goes, yeah. I go, and what are you doing after this? He goes, I got to drive back. I got to work tomorrow.

And I said, and how long does it take you back? And he mapped questions. I was like, whatever, two hours and 40 minutes. I said, bro, I wouldn't drive five hours to hang out with Drake. You drove five hours to say hi to me? He goes, yeah. I go, hold on, hold on. I'll give you five minutes.

And he goes, what? I go, wait, before I say that, how much time do you have? And you know in comics, every new comic's like, oh, I have 30 minutes. I have two hours of material. And I go, legit, dude, I'm asking this. I'm not going to judge you. How much material do you have? He goes, dead honest.

And this is when I knew I liked him. He goes, I have five minutes. i can't do a second more he was at west soon as that five minutes hits i'm out that's a good kid i like that oh right away i went i like him there you go so i go uh if you come back tomorrow i'll put you on the show and give you five minutes he's like you seriously you got five minutes man he's like holy shit i'm like yeah five minutes dude come back he's all excited goes on in my head i'm like, you got five minutes, man? He's like, holy shit, I'm like, you got five minutes, dude. Comes back. He's all excited.

Goes on in my head. I'm like, God, this might be a nightmare. Because you've done it before. I've done it before. It doesn't work out. I would, to be honest with you guys, it usually does not work out. No. Especially if they've been doing it a long time. It's usually not a happy ending to this.

No, usually it's horrible. And you're like, all right, well, I tried. And you never talked to him again. Kid goes out there, crushes five minutes about his dead grandpa and having a big dick. Crushes. It's right up my lane. Hilarious.

Crushes how big his grandpa's dick is. Crushes. But he hasn't been in a con that long. And I'll give him the red light. It's hard to see. And he's like in the middle. And then you see his eyes. And he goes, oh, shit.

Oh, shit. And he panics. He goes, did I run the red light? I didn't see it. He goes, well, that's my time. Toodles. And runs off the stage which was hilarious toodles toodles he gets off stage and i'm i'm like hugging him high five him you can tell he's a big dude he's like introverted a little bit yeah and he's like what's crazy for me man is he's like six months ago i can talk to you i couldn't come up and talk he was like that's how shy i was he's like i'm trying to get out of my you know my comfort zone i'm like i'm like dude hopefully this is a lesson

he did take fucking chances 100 i said if you didn't drive here tonight you would have never gone stage 200 and i was like i'm sure because you're not getting up as much you're probably doubting yourself i said this should give you the motivation to fucking grind it out dude and i said i'll tell you what we're gonna do and so he does so i go you want i was only giving the first show i go dude you crushed it do the second show he said he came like nope we get done he's like all right guys i'm gonna drive back i can't think enough you know hold on hold on we have shows tomorrow dude he was why you want to do tomorrow he goes are you serious oh yeah i'll put you on tomorrow and i said but how far is indy he was two and a half

hours i said now come on dude i. You got to get him a room. I said, you're a real comic, man. He's like, well, I'm like, let me get you a room. So I gave him this room at this, we passed this hotel that was sick. So I gave him like this dope ass room in like the top hotel there. At first he didn't want to take it. That's fucking awesome. He left like thinking.

He left and was like, I'll see you guys tomorrow. I'll drive back. In my head, I'm like, this poor kid's driving three hours back home. It's too much. 12 hours of driving, two days. go uh i text him i go hey man why don't you uh crash with us or uh i can figure out a hotel for you and he was no you could tell you didn't want to like push him once he goes no all good man i want to sleep in my own bed i'm like get out of here dude so i just booked the hotel and sent him like no don, don't leave. And so he stayed there. And then next day does a show, Crushes.

That is a beautiful weekend. Yeah. Just such a good dude. That feels so good for you when you do something like that for somebody. That's how I always feel. I've thrown a lot of spaghetti up on a wall. And sometimes something sticks. And it makes it all worth it.

Let's take a break for a second. You you've got nothing to do this weekend though you come out to wisconsin at the milwaukee improv i'll be there next weekend i'm at the freaking cap city austin it's gonna be fun buddy you come out i got two good shows yeah i'm excited improv heard it's great i think i'm there in november oh yeah i can't people love it out there really he's from milwaukee it's jeffrey dahmer my dad's from Milwaukee. And Jeffrey Dahmer. And Jeffrey Dahmer. So we got that going for us.

We're an alumni. Uh-huh. I'm in San Diego this Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Come get some thickboy.com. San Diego Laugh Factory. Some monsters this Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Get you some. Thickboy.com.

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worth it b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash fighter that's b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash fighter up to 60 off your subscription oh man i'm excited about this business wars is a new podcast b from laundry that shares entertaining eye-popping stories behind the world's greatest business rivalries they got a new part they got a four-part i'm excited about this it's hosted by david brown yes explores the bitter feud between two fashion icons you love fashion between gucci and louis vuitton dude that these are two powerhouses. Yeah, man. It's all about status. Your Gucci belt, your Louis Vuitton shoes.

The two companies, they had a lot in common, but they both started as small family-owned businesses making high-quality luggage. Yes. But as their product lines grew, these two powerhouses came onto a collision course, and their rivalry would devolve into family feuds, boardroom battles, and runway backstabbing. Listen to Gucci vs. Louis Vuitton from Business Wars on Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or listen one week early and ad-free by joining Wondery Plus in Apple Podcasts or the Wondery app. I love that shit, though, man.

Giving somebody an opportunity like that. I always do little things like that where you just, you can find out a lot about somebody, you give them a tiny opportunity. And if they're five minutes early and they're chomping at the bit, you can just see,

I just love hustle and I love hunger. That's what I love. If I see hunger and hustle on somebody, obviously they have to be talented. Some people are not that but if they're hungry and they're they they got hustle and and they they have a spark of talent man it's it's a beautiful thing to facilitate well he said uh he when he came to the green room on saturday he goes i didn't think about it man because i was talking to uh uh mark and my brother about

just the horrible experience we've had giving people opportunities and listen the worst can go is they bomb and then you're like all right thanks man and then you know move on but he's like ah what happens if i were done really bad i'm like oh you wouldn't be here and i said but also this was a double-edged sword my man because you're young you're 22 you know you work a regular job we're gonna heal him if you had done bad this would have let you know to this isn't for you and to move on you have sold out crown for wayne and you would have ate shit and that should have been a green light to go oh this isn't for me right and he's like i didn't think about that way i go yeah so this was gonna help you no matter what this was me trying to help you no matter what i was gonna say you like to throw people to the wolves you know but that's just like i. That means, in other words, hey, bro, you got to go back to the drawing board.

You're not even ready for five minutes. I don't know if I ever told you where this dude, he was fucking already a little weird, one of those Venice guys, and he goes, dude, when are you going to let me do five minutes on your show? When are you going to let me get up and do something? I'm like, well, you know, are you gonna let me get up and do something i'm like well you know uh you know whenever and he just kept asking me because i'm telling you i'm crushing i do this most unique shit i like i talk about what it's like to do this and i'm like already i know but i'm like i'm like all right finally i just get worn down i get worn down you can wear

me out you can wear me out you can get if you want time with brian you get time you wear me i'm out that's all i i gotta my walls just crumble break them down that's it so i'm doing my own 40 minutes at the improv and i say damn this is no joke i go you know what i'm gonna give you five minutes same as me you know what fuck it right I'm feeling good. Have some drinks. Yeah. Why not? And he's like, yeah. And I go, just be there. So I get there late, as usual. I'm not going to wait and go see him. So I'm walking towards the thing.

And there's a guy who worked at the improv. And he's just doing this. He's going, hey, dude. He's shaking his head i go what he goes that guy whoever he is whoever you put on he's dressed like an alien he's in an alien suit i go what he goes he's in an alien suit and he's talking like an alien so i i walk in he's got an entire suit on a bad alien suit with a hat thing and like big eyes, he's got an entire suit on, a bad alien suit, with a hat thing and big eyes. He's going, I am an alien.

I'm in already. The entire crowd is just going, what the fuck is he doing? Did he have jokes? No. Or did he just talk like an alien? He just talked like an alien. Hilarious. Well, it's the greatest.

But not for five minutes. Might be the greatest bit of all time. You have 30 seconds of that. It's a great bit if you're a real comic if you're a little crazy it's not a great bit it's just that you think that that's somehow unique and funny and it was when i say it was watch this ready watch this ready you see how silent that is that's how quiet it was it for the whole time but you know and for you it's almost funnier to watch that 100 sometimes the absolute bombs are the best worth the story yeah it was worth the story and also no one's like oh brian callan show somebody that came out like an alien that was terrible like holy fuck how about that alien and then i'm assuming you addressed when

he came out were you like oh my god i want to apologize for the alien invading the stage tonight i killed him yeah because you have to die for that. Dude, at the Mean Great, because I write a new bit for every city. And because Fort Wayne is only like 60 miles from Notre Dame, so I made fun of Rudy. And Rudy is, I mean, Rudy's like making fun of Kobe Bryant in LA or making fun of Magic Johnson in LA. Like, he is their guy.

Yeah. So I made fun of Rudy. And this guy at the Mean Great goes, I want you to know, man, Magic Johnson in LA, like he is, he is their guy. Yeah. So I made fun of Rudy. And this guy, the mean green goes, I want you to know, man, enjoyed the show. The Rudy stuff, though, I'd ditch. I go, what? And he goes, I would get rid of that, man. I know Rudy. I go, oh, you know Daniel Rudiker?

He goes, I know Danny. And he goes, who knows if he knows me? He goes, yeah, I know Danny well, man. And he won't appreciate this. And I go, oh, man, you didn't think it was funny at all? He goes, I found it offensive. I went, oh, i went oh man that's too bad well it's a comedy show right so i don't know daniel so this this is just you know i wrote that in the green room that's what it's for and he goes when he goes again one suggestion stop doing it i was like okay

absolutely not all right dude well, all right, dude. Well, my favorite was there was a guy, he actually went on to be pretty successful, and he wanted to stand up, and I encouraged him to do it. And he came and did it, and he was expecting the first joke. See, a big mistake for a lot of big income is you think the first joke is going to crush, and then you're're going to ride that roller coaster and then when the first joke doesn't do anything because he goes something the joke was something like if you're if you if you're with a hooker and she dies you get your money back or something like that no everybody's waiting for the next thing

but he was that and he goes like this and i watched him go like this he goes i never forget he goes ah oh he goes ah oh and then he told another joke and it died and he went like this he goes i don't want laughing he goes oh no on stage yes and the fans were like oh yeah it was at a brewing company that's like chumming the waters for sharks it was so bad well that jacob that jacob kid was like yeah i'm trying to figure out like my thing i'm like what do you mean he's like you know i'm trying to figure out i'm not big on uh social media you know i know as a comic there you have social media he's like but that's not my thing again he's got an intro and sweet fucking kid but he dresses cool like you know he had a tie-dye shirt on some jeans he's a sneaker head you know had a dope hat

on and i go no this is your thing he goes what do you mean i go you're your thing dude right and he goes oh someone told me i need to wear a suit i go absolutely not jacob do not wear a suit i go have you ever been in the studios at like a funeral i go cool leave it for the funeral don't bring a suit on stage who told you it's not 1992 no a suit he was oh like john mulaney i go hold on that's john mulaney that's his thing that's not your thing you don't copy his thing no just not john like he's like this old-timey vibe yeah that's his thing but not fucking hilarious i mean it's doing it forever he's been a suit forever but that's his thing bad example like but also like that's his thing yeah you know like your thing is like

he looks cool his thing is to find his voice anyway just worry about stand-up don't worry about anything that host was great too what's his name tyler mark alex eaton god i keep thinking his name's tyler he looks like a tyler to me his name's alex eaton he's funny dude so he does like uh tiktoks or like instagram posts he was telling me he did one tiktok got 35 million views what yeah because somebody told him hey you need to be doing three tiktoks a day so he said he made three or four day for months you know which you know it's just a take that but like you gotta appreciate that and he's used it to make money and like he's very strategic about it and like yeah you do have to do that you don't have to market yourself dude you know we walk we there's nothing to do right so we walk from our airbnb to this uh like pizza joint and we're eating outside and he comes by in the in the fort wayne city

truck in a in a fuck in the whole uniform like you know the orange fucking vest and the hard hat on and he stops beep beep dude bro bro it's me alex you're opener i'm like no i know dude i just saw you last night he goes oh i didn't think you could recognize me no i know it's you dude you're just dressed different he goes yeah what's he do he's he works for the city oh okay he does like like he was saying like he has a good gig he does like he'll pick up trash and like fix the flowers and shit. Wow. But he's just like, you know how like Brody Stevens, what was Brody's thing? Like he always give out the area code.

Remember 209? 818 till I die. 818 till I die. Yeah. 818 till I die. 818 till I die. He's the exact same about Fort Wayne. Someone would say something like, what up?

Shout out the area code of Fort Wayne. And he's like, what are you guys doing tomorrow? I'm like, whatever there is to do here, my man? Shout out the haircut of Fort Wayne. And he's like, what are you guys doing tomorrow? I'm like, whatever there is to do here, my man. He goes, I'll show you. Dude, you've never seen someone more enthusiastic about Fort Wayne. And he knew his shit. Did he take you? Were there cool bars?

You know, he did what he could. Bars? To this place called The Landing. It's like the only spot for like restaurant stuff. And then he took us to the like AAA baseball team stadium. Okay. The Tin House. All right.

All right. But he was so Fort Wayne. So Fort Wayne. But he was funny because I was like, how's comedy out here in Fort Wayne? That's his home club. He's like, thank God for this club. And then, you know, I get up a lot. He's like, the senior's tough.

He's like, there's this guy. He says racist stuff and wears a clown nose. I was laughing. So he's telling me the characters i'm like oh my god it's like and i would never want to censor anybody the racist cat clown guy and he said he pulled him because i guess maybe he was running that mic or something yeah it's his show and he said you know i never want to censor him or anything but like i pulled him aside and kind of said hey man maybe don't lead with the racist stuff. Never saw him again. I've had to do that with certain people

who are using the F word for gay. Oh, that's back in the day, though, not now. No, not so back in the day where I'm like, dude, you're just not doing yourself any favors. No favors with that shit. It's a reality check. It's not even people offended. It's like you're just not going anywhere with this. Well i think too if they don't have like real material like that

shock factor stuff saying you know the n-word the f-word certain words yeah we'll get a shock and i think they think as long as the reaction they're good you know i'm saying it's like oh dude there's no longevity in this my man yeah like people like oh but that's not that's not a laugh dude right it's very strange it's a little bit strange. I'm headed to the home run derby tonight, the All-Star Games in L.A. You know who's going to be there? Kevin Bay. Yeah, I talked to Kevin this morning.

I'm going to see Kevin there. You are. I'm going to take Tiger, yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. What is it? Just like all the top guys? The top boys hitting the home runs.

So I figured for Tiger, because you know a regular baseball game for a six-year-old? Yeah. Slow. It's slow for me. Slow. But these guys, so they throw them fastballs and they just knock it out of the park? Just perfect fastball straight down the middle. Like it might be their throwing coach and then you get a certain amount of throws in

a certain amount of time and then home run derby. I think the same guys won three years in a row, two years in a row. Really? It's like all the superstars are playing. Chin, I wonder if Homeboy's going to be in it. The Japanese captain. Yeah. I wonder if he's injured.

I don't know, but look it up. You got to be interested to see. And then you know he's going to want a jersey. How about yesterday, right? When I'm gone out of town, I come back. It's a celebration. Like we go to the car show. I get my ice cream. I make up for the two days, three days I missed. I take go to the car show. I get my ice cream.

I make up for the two days, three days I miss. I take them to the toy store and do whatever the hell they want to do. We're at the toy store. I go, T, whatever you want, man. You know, blah, blah, blah. He hasn't got a toy in forever. He picked out a lava lamp. Future Stoner.

I was like, what? Really? Yeah. But I had one as a kid. I loved it. I had a big, like those big ones I got from Spencer's. My Aunt Bridge bought it for me. There's an orange one.

He picked out like this tie dye one. God damn. That's like David Tell's joke where he goes, you ever get high and pack for something? It's a bad idea because you end up at your destination with like, you got a towel and a lava lamp and an oven mitt. It's like, I can't use any of this stuff. Hey, Chin, go to a home run derby lineup. Let's see who's in there.

I know some of the guys. I'm going to have to get Tiger Jersey. I don't know who you get. I mean, I know Aaron Judge is huge. Trout has been hurt. Obviously, the Japanese dude is mega star so one is kyle schwarber okay oh i know pete alonso he's a beast i like him cory siegert i know him uh juan soto monster jose ramirez okay julio rodriguez okay uh akuna akuna jr i think has won it

albert pujos is in it albert has to be 40 wow does anybody in the mlp uh play who's not from the dominican republic i'm just curious oh yeah yeah right they got That tiny, that little area of the world. Dominican, Latin, Cuba. Yeah. They focus on baseball. Crazy. Crazy. But my brother-in-law, he's a baseball coach. He coaches kids on travel teams, like the real deal.

And he said- Played in college, right? Yeah, he played in college. But he was saying that he helps eighth graders. like travel teams like the real deal and he said in college right yeah he played in college but he was saying that he helps like eighth graders and then he came early because the the coach has to help out with like the ninth graders he's like dude these ninth he was like oh are these is this the professional he was like they were enormous they're fucking he's like they play year-round they're fucking enormous there was this 13 year old pitching he was like i thought it was the yankees yeah there was this 13 year old pitching

i could not believe he was 13 he looked like he was just a grown man fucking huge you know what's interesting is that the mlb draft might have been yesterday or the day before but the top two guys are sons of former mlb all-stars that's how it goes. There you go. It's called genetics a lot of times. Yeah. Sunday, yeah. It was Sunday? Yeah. You know. Yeah, they're daddies.

A lot of the draft picks have family already or former. Yeah. Makes sense. That makes 100% sense. It's like if your dad played a professional. I told you. My kids played tag with two kids whose parents were. She was a gold medalist in freestyle swimming, sprinting, and he was a gold medalist in downhill skiing.

Now, they're fighting. You tagged very much. These dude, these kids. I'm not joking. They were so much faster than my kids, and were quite frankly as fast as i was oh yeah they were good looking kids i mean i'm sure olympics the genetics to olympia parents just weird genetics dude i just couldn't believe how fucking fast they were either could my kids my kids are normal my kids were like they're so fast i was like doing what those are running what's

that playing tag oh we're playing tag yeah they're fast and he's fucking eight the kid was eight and the the girl was probably 11 at the time what's maybe younger 10 i i was so shocked do they have freakish proportions it's usually swimmers have like you know what it is it's fast twitch muscle to the point where the the swimmer and the skier's uh sister i i see this woman she's probably 45 and she was in a dress i could not believe her muscularity and i walked up and i said excuse me i have to ask of course what do you fucking do she goes i'm a personal trainer i go i know but what is your how are you this muscular she goes honestly if i showed you pictures of me when i was a kid i was just she was just a genetic the whole family's that way the whole family's like uh one of tiger's best friends his dad played professional soccer he's on a traveling team and they're in

summer camp right now and uh last week i he came i picked him up from school and i was how was today he's like good good and i was like what'd you do i always ask what are you doing he's like oh we played soccer and i oh yeah and did uh your buddy uh josh play is yeah dad me and uh two of his other friends were the goalie and josh was the penalty kicker i heard you stop anything it was nothing oh that's all he does though t that's his thing it's just yeah it's his thing i said get a football out and that's how you would be he's really good for one like you get a football he's not familiar with football but you're not familiar with soccer. So I was like, nobody stopped a single one there? He goes, no, for the entire half hour.

He probably scored 50 goals, Dad. Wow. Wow. It becomes readily apparent. And then the entire group goes, yeah, I got upset because then he started telling us where he was going to put the ball. I'm like, holy shit, this kid's on fire. God.

Yeah, he's a freak. And he plays with the older kids. Tennis is that way. And if you think you're an athlete, you know, and you're going to play at a higher level, it's just going to be different. It's just different. You're just dealing.

You know who I've been watching is Gordon Ryan just lately. Did you too? Yeah, just watching how slowly he moves and how easily he dominates you. How he's going to get behind you and choke you, and it's going to look like he's looking at his coach kind of. Yeah, he's the best. He's thinking about something else.

He's the best. Yeah, freak. Complete freak. It's just so weird. Did you watch Yair and Brian Ortega? Don't tell me. What do you mean don't tell you? No, no.

It's Monday. That's coming. It was on Saturday morning, sir. I didn't see it, but'm saying yeah you're beat him yeah yeah because i'm if you haven't seen it it's not i was hoping you'd have a different take so we could argue but no because i i have well i'm going to make a strong point about yair rodriguez i think yair rodriguez is the biggest threat to volkanovski you didn't see his fight dude how did he look um i mean he had a speed speed advantage he landed some really good

shots on our team you know i take it so goddamn tough yeah and then we're taking finally got him down exactly where he wants them yeah yeah here puts him in an arm bar ortega has two uh bad shoulders that he had surgeries on okay yeah here's the pressure from the arm bar Yeah Popped his shoulder out They stopped the fight They go This is unfortunate Such a shame In my head

I text the thick boy Group chat Right away That's a submission Hopefully Yair No they don't count as a submission TKO Dr. Stoppage TKO

Submission It's a submission You popped his elbow out It's a submission He didn't pop his elbow Shoulder I'm sorry But if you popped his elbow It would be a submission So if you popped his shoulder out It's a submission Yeah Because popped his elbow out. It's a submission. He didn't pop his elbow out. I'm sorry, but if you popped his elbow out, it'd be a submission.

So if you popped his shoulder out, it's a submission. Yeah, because the pressure due to the offensive act of the arm bar caused the fight to stop. That'd be a submission. So Yair Rodriguez, I guess, has been really working on his wrestling. Because that Frank Edgar fight, I remember you said, he's just not ready for a guy like Frank Edgar. They royally fucked him. Yeah. His wrestling coach is Izzy Martinez.

Same guy who was John Jones' coach. He's at Jackson's forever. He's out of Chicago. Took two years really off, I think. I don't know why. Fighting with Dana, something was going on.

But he's very big for the weight class. He's tall. Yeah. And I think he's going to be a nightmare for everybody. Don't you or no?

Are you not that hot on him? No, he's super talented. I mean, the kid's a monster. I don't think he no are you know i think are you not that hot on him no he's super talented i mean the kid's a monster i don't think he beats volkanovsky i think uh volkanovsky is too strong too smart too experienced i think uh we'll see how he does against emmet who's a beast you know that's who you'll fight next because volkanovsky has to have uh thumb surgery so he's out for the year or tag is gonna have to have shoulder surgery he's out there's no rematch there so they're gonna do an interim i dana kind of alluded to it too he's up for it year. Ortega's going to have to have shoulder surgery. He's out. There's no rematch there. So they're going to do an interim. Dana kind of alluded to it too. He's up for it.

An interim belt of Yair versus Josh Emmett. Emmett's a monster. So we'll see how he handles Emmett. Yeah. But I just think Volkanovski's leagues ahead of everybody. And Volkanovski, I don't really think he's going to attain it. I think he goes up to 55. Fights the winner of Islam and Charles Olivera,

which they announced is in September September chin is that right? Oh That's a good fight Volkanovski is putting himself in the fire. That's impressive just getting up there with the big boys That's gonna be really yeah Islam Islam and Charles Oliver is a great. Oh my god. That's a great or or is it? You know, we'll see what happens. Oh, that's a great fight regardless dude. Oh my god that's a great or or is it you know we'll see what happens oh that's a great fight regardless dude oh my god october 22nd oh is that october i thought it was september october it's so far away it's not makachev man gonna be really interesting really interesting

can't wait for that shit and by the way just meeting uh chandler uh oh you mean when i was doing food truck yeah yeah. Great guy. Smart guy. The best, yeah. But much taller than I would have thought. I mean, taller and bigger. Because he's not tall for the division. He's not, but I just figured he'd be. So he's short?

Yeah. Volkanovski is somebody who I think is fairly, you could say is 5'4", maybe. Yeah. But Chandler's at least, I would say 5'8". Would you give him 5'8"? I don't know. Yeah, maybe 5'8". But just fucking.

But again, he's small for the division. Still walking at 185. Sometimes 190. Back in the day, not too much now. Now he's on that carnivore diet. Yeah. He's still 68. I guess most 55ers walk at 85, don't they?

85 is pretty big. There's a few, but most of them are not that big. The game's changed. A lot of these guys are real professional now. You mean they just keep their weight down the whole time? Yeah, they're not getting that big anymore. Back in the day, you could get away with it. Now, short notice fights, be more professional.

Ortega, when I met him at the comedy store, I said, what do you weigh right now? And he was 180. That'd be him. But remember, he took two years off. Yeah. He was injured. Oh, right.

Yeah. Right, right. But he's trained year-round doing jiu-jitsu. You want to be, what, 165, 170? 170 max, I would say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because 185, that's a lot of weight to suck. How about Patty Pimlin? It was 210. Made a food truck. Fights at 55. Hilarious. Was he 210? Yeah, at least.

That's hilarious. He was made on my way to tell you. You're bigger than me, too. Big frame and stuff, too, right? Big head. He fights this Saturday. Patty, UFC London. Who's he fighting?

He is fighting Jordan Leavitt. Jordan Leavitt, which is awesome. The guy that does the splits after he wins, you know him? No, I don is fighting Jordan Leavitt. Which is awesome. The guy that does the splits after he wins. No, I don't know Jordan Leavitt. Who's he fought? No big names. Hold on. Do you recognize this guy?

He's fun. Well, alright. I mean, there's rumors. Not that it's true or anything, but there's rumors not that it's true or anything but there's rumors that he might be you know

flexible into dudes I don't care I hope he is if he is it's all good yeah if he is it's all good

if he is I like him more he did this too that little thing you'd make him even bigger if he was he's fun that would be amazing

he looks like he's got a good sense of humor I like that shit yeah he's a fun wow it's a fun fight yeah yeah it's UFC London on Saturday's a fun fight yeah uh-huh yeah it's

ufc london on saturday just gonna suck all that weight huh are there any gay fighters in the ufc right now besides darren till just kidding oh come on i don't think i don't get the gay vibe from darren till i'm just he doesn't get it, Mark. But yeah, great. None openly. There's female gay fighters. Oh, yeah. Big time. Probably 50-50.

There are a lot of guys that probably dip their toe here and there. I don't think a lot. I'm just saying dudes. In the UFC, I don't think it's a lot. I don't think a lot. I'm just saying dudes. In the UFC, I don't think it's a lot. I don't know. Did you ever get turned on doing BJJ? Yeah, he did all the time. I'll answer the question.

Yeah. I wonder how many are currently like NFL, NBA. In NBA, there's not a ton of guys. It's 12 a team. You know? NFL, you're looking at, what, 53, 52 man rosters, so you're definitely something there. Yeah, it's 12 a team yeah you know nfl you're looking at what 53 52 man roster so you're definitely something there yeah it's interesting but yeah they come out after the fact usually right

but i don't think there's a lot right i'll tell you there's that guy for the raiders and then he came out and then i i know but i think as a gay man a lot of times you're not if you're a gay man you're going to want to be or you're a gay man, you're going to want to be, or you're a gay kid, right? You're going to want to be with people that make you feel more comfortable and at home and safe. So I don't think there's a lot of gay people in theater. That's probably because there are gay people in theater. It's like I found my home over here, my community over here. At least I feel normal over here. If you're gay and you're a young man let's just say i don't

think you're going to go to football because you it's just such a bro space it's such a heterosexual aggressive guy yeah it happens but just really you just know that you're just going to be alone it's it's intimidating and then plus so many dicks in the locker room what if you can't well you know but you're not thinking that you're thinking what's the safest way to kind of go about things i guess i don't know how do you have so much insight into the mind of a gay man me i don't know i mean you know the guy i'm thinking of you typed up of in the entire world uh just type in nfl uh gay right let's not go through the world i don't need to go through that guy who was going to be the first the guy

Carl Nassib that's right so he was on the Raiders and then he got released and the narrative was oh that's because he's gay and then the Raiders were like no

that's what dudes do that's because he wasn't very good for us that's exactly what guys are like ah because he's gay handsome guy I'm just saying.

He's all right. Long arms. I wouldn't call him handsome. You like big guys, you're gay. You're gay. Yeah. Yeah. What if he got cucked because he was trying to convince other dudes on the team to go gay with him?

No, he's contracted up or something. He was a solid player. he was like trying to convince other dudes on the team to go gay with him. So no, he, he, I, his contract is up or something. He was a solid player. He was like, no punk. He was like,

I think big 10, like player of the year, like good player, man. Where do you, uh, hold on, scroll up.

What's college to go to Penn state. Yeah. He was a really good player at Penn state. Six. Was that six, seven, Jesus. 277. What the fuck? It's only 29. He was a really good player at Penn State. Six, what is that? Six, seven. Jesus, 275. What the fuck?

He's only 29. Render 40 in 4.8. Yikes. Yikes. 21, not that impressive. What's that? You only did 21 on the bench. That's a long arm so, Bob.

Oh, 21 reps. It doesn't matter. Harder. No, it's 277 pounds. Yeah. That's not good for a D-line. Was he defensive end? Mm-hmm. Still is.

He's still playing. Oh, yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, just the Raiders released him and then, you know. Oh, yeah. In college, unanimous All-American Lombardi trophy winner. He won a bunch of shit defense play

of the year yeah first team all big 10 like he was a stud man damn really good player started as a walk-on yeah he's a monster wow he's getting a lombardi award for being the best college football lineman or linebacker in the nation damn he was fucking stud that's legit all right jim what do you got buddy all righty let's start with ricky martin so this is in news right now so apparently his nephew is accusing him of some sort of incest and sexual seven month relationship he said yeah oh no with his nephew yeah but his brother and i guess people are saying like the nephew has some sort of mental health issues so yeah that's rough oh okay and of course he's vehemently denying all these

accusations yeah i might be a little bit on ricky's side here because that's very strange he might be crazy that's him there no so that's actually his brother crazy that's ricky martin's brother yeah yeah and by the way look at his brother here that's his brother now oh what happened i don't know it's so crazy hold on go back to his brother that looks like a bodybuilding show now. Yeah, for sure. It looks like he was bodybuilding, yeah. Hold on. He introduced incest into the case in Puerto Rico. Yeah. Go to the next one. Wait, Ricky was accused of domestic violence earlier?

He was, yeah. Wait. What? By who? Someone he was dating before. Somebody I thought was married with kids. He is married, yeah. He's actually with someone right now.

A woman? Right. Sorry. No, I'm saying. Ricky's been out for a hot second. No, no, I know that. I'm saying the guy he was with he was having an affair with oh was he it sounded like he had kids all right i'm not sure they have kids they had they had kids in the marriage uh when ricky came out that was that would it doesn't

really shock me these days but i remember when he came out like holy yeah it was kind shit. Yeah, it was kind of trippy when he first came out, yeah. My girl was saying in the Latin community, it was devastating because obviously he's so attractive, and in the Latin community, different than here. So very conservative. Very. Shoes, I go, devastating. Yeah.

Now, wait, what did... Let me see what the guy says, Jen. Which one? That one, the TMZ. So just so you know know there's no real details other than there's sexual stuff and incest that's all is this his dad saying no no his brother his brother identified the rip guy now yeah that's the rip guy the rip guys that so the rip guys that his brother it's so his son no that guy's son no someone else's son so it's his nephew as well

so the brother's nephew and his nephew so i'm not sure if it's his sister's son or another brother's son all right but yeah it's let me see what he's saying one of his siblings offspring here you go it's all no it's all in like spanish so you can't okay eric says he's on the side of just truth by his rant here you can tell he's defending Ricky, casting doubt into the nephew, whom he's idea is 21-year-old Dennis Sanchez. He also says if the allegations against Ricky are true, which he's incredibly over, the response to the side should not be retribution,

but rehabilitation. If it's true, he's saying, yeah, rehabilitation versus. Which is crazy. Rehabilitation when you're banging... He doesn't believe Ricky did this, but then he was on here. How old is the nephew? 21. But their affair happened when he was younger than that, if that happened.

I believe it's a nephew who suffers from mental health problems. I think we have to wait. Yeah, it sounds crazy. Based off the 50 years... Yeah. My instinct is to say no fucking way. A nephew to like... My instinct is to go, I need more info.

Yeah. But they're saying 50 years behind bars. This guy might be a little crazy. I don't know. And he's just saying, I don't know. But here's the other thing. You're not going to get that kid's take because Ricky Martin is so famous. His PR team is narrating.

That's the guy? That's the kid, yeah. God, 50 years. But is it for sure he had a sexual relationship with him? Is that for a fact? No, no, no. It's not for a fact. It's all accusations.

It's all accusations. Weird. Living the Vita Loca, dude. Yeah, that's the Vita Loca. And I guess this Yadiel is accusing Ricky Martin of actually showing up to the pad, his pad multiple times when he didn't want him there stuff like that i don't it's very interesting oh yeah and and and kept on going like you'd have to be crazy i know that's what i'm saying so ricky martin would

be the one with major mental health problems there correct that's fucking nuts but also yeah he'd be the great my only thing with this why would his 21 year old nephew come out with i mean it's so outrageous yeah that's what i don't know man you know what i'm saying like it's it's it's uh nuclear bomb shit it's like i'm gonna fucking go crazy and say this you know yeah if if this If the kid's still in the, it's game set match for leaving the Vita Loca. Oh, my God. The Loca is over. Well, but if this is true, like, if this kid has a history of actual mental health issues and lying, and you can trace this stuff, you can find out.

Are they saying he does? We'd have to find out. See, but that's the problem is when you go for someone as big as ricky martin who is worldwide yeah his pr team who he pays fifty thousand dollars a month to yeah can control the narrative and this 21 21 year old kid who has nothing it's gonna be tough to get a voice out yeah but if it's a legal matter now the police are involved. He's the son of Martin's stepsister. Oh, so he's not even blood. Interesting.

Not that that makes it easier. Well, it's the son of his... So he's not blood related, and he probably didn't grow up with him. This is very... Now the plot is thickening. Nephew by marriage. Nephew by what? If you just read the headline says incest

that's not incest is it no it's still in the family line though stop no it's not but no no i know it has nothing to do with family but i mean in the family line but not blood it wouldn't be incest though technically so what i don't know why would it do 50 years if it is incest yeah it's frowned upon incest would be but legally it's not incest right did he know him ever did he just meet him the whole thing is fucking weird man

so if it's a stepsister then he's related to the person that no so okay let me ask you this so you're a guy you're a single guy you're this. So you're a guy. You're a single guy. You're 50. You have a stepsister. That means my brother married?

That I grew up with? Hold on. My brother married a girl, right? No, that means your parents got divorced. Watch this. That means your parents got divorced. Your dad got remarried. And she already had kids.

So it's your stepsister. Oh, so it okay zero watch this so so your dad gets me remarried when you're 40 gets remarried to a woman i'm 40 your dad gets remarried wait how would this work so you mean now my dad were to get a divorce get remarried and there's another 40 year old a steps your dad gets remarried i know i know what it is your dad gets remarried to a woman she has a daughter already okay dad i just met for the first time and then we hook up that's not incest no the daughter then has uh a child i don't know how this works because the nephew is no you're right you're right right keep going so she has a daughter met so you that's 21 no so the stepsister is technically um well no your dad would be married your dad married to somebody and they had a kid from another marriage yeah man so that's automatically you don't have any connection to that person okay

then that stepsister has a child who's like 21 22 yeah let's say 24 to be yeah and and and and uh you know and then they're gorgeous and yeah it looks like hallie berry and her 24s and now you've just met her and now you guys and your emotions are running hot and you have no blood relation whatsoever and you end up getting together it's be weird. Is it weird or is it just an inconvenience? It's weird with society. Yeah, but... Because it's also the only reason that, I don't mean to interrupt you,

but the only reason why it's frowned upon is because your dad and this lady you don't know agreed to a contract from the government, but there's no bloodline in any facet. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. If it was my person, like my soulmate, I don't give... Well, it gets dicey.

Because if the nerve gets out, it goes, yeah, Brendan married his fucking niece. Give me a weirdo. It's going to be a rough go for both of them. But that's your step-nephew. That's your nephew, technically, by marriage. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Society's eyes are still frowned upon. Three times removed. I get it, marriage. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Society's eyes are still frowned upon.

Three times removed. I get it, brother. I'm with you. Get a PR team. Come out ahead of it. There's nothing come out. It's not that shape. No, you can't come out at all.

You'd have to keep going to reps. If you're in the public eye, you can say anything. There could be a super good PR team, though. Weird. There's no way to defend it we're not the PR team I'm very curious as to it's his step sister

Ricky Martin's step sister the story is just like love knows no labels and it's like this story and at the very end it's like this whole story about how madly in love with your it's his niece I got one better for you i got one better for you oh i got one yeah i got one better for you okay so your

your father gets remarried you're single your father gets remarried what is this i don't know this is the first picture that popped that's his family that's the dad that's the two uh that's the brother that we saw who changed a lot Yep And then the other two He looks like I'm not sure None of them Yeah They all look tired

And that's stepsister They all look very tired They all have bags under their eyes They have dark circles yeah That'd be the stepsister On the right It's only girls So yeah

Yes Come on So she had So she had a child Yes And that stepsister Was the result of dad having another woman. When he got divorced.

But that's not blood related. No. There's no blood relation. Let's see this one. It's interesting. Okay, so. It's frowned upon no matter how you paint it. But okay, so you're now your age.

Yeah, it's frowned upon. Your dad gets married. I know, dude. He's got a kid. Yes. Your dad gets married. I know, dude. He's got a kid. Yes. Your dad gets married to a woman. She's got a gorgeous daughter. Yeah, he said that.

That's now your stepsister. Mm-hmm. Are you allowed to have sex with her? No. Why not? They just got married. You just met her. It's frowned upon, dude.

That's technically your stepsister. So you're not allowed to just because your dad got married to her mom at this age that's the rule then you're fine what do you mean hey them the rule no i'm saying fuck those rules really she's your soulmate you met her you love her okay go on instagram say i just made my step sister you guys just got you just met you just met and now you can't marry her that matters you can't have sex with her because your dad married her mom correct so the so elimination there's a lot of fish so the fucking so a contract from the government doesn't let you have sex with the woman of your dreams i'm saying society you just matter i'm with you dude you're preaching yeah but then why are you fucking hold why aren't you fighting with me here because i'm telling you that the society is not going to allow you to flourish.

I don't even know if you can legally marry your stepsister. I think you can. Let me look it up right now. Fuck that. I don't think so. I bet you can. Watch this. There are currently no laws against marrying a stepsister.

Yeah, there it is. This is because while you might be related to your step-sibling through marriage. You're not related by blood. Yeah, I it is. This is because while you might be related to your step-sibling through marriage. You're not related by blood. Yeah, I get it. So, I'm sorry. Hey, Chin, scroll down here on is it okay to have a relationship with your step-sister. We all know that some might think there's a question, but you aren't related by blood. So, by law, you are not forbidden to date or even marry.

Truth is, relationships, as you describe them, are most often frowned upon when the kids are raised as siblings i'm talking about two adults yeah you're talking about just mad at you just mad you're a fucking 30 year old man you've been busy get there like who the fuck is that your dad just got married you're at the wedding you're at the wedding yes your dad got married you haven't had time to meet the family he shows up with his kids you're like oh whatever they're my age they're my they're my age and you and he has a 30 year old daughter who's a fucking smoke show uh you guys meet sparks fly you know i do what i go brian who's that yoga sorry i didn't hear what you're saying let's go get a drink and then i go like this i go can i can i have sex with your sister she's eyeballing me that's not my

sister because i go like this i go brandon i know you have a thing he's your brother and he's gay yeah that's fine no no i would literally be like dude yeah i don't get focused i don't know her i'm asking you she's the girl of your dreams you talk to her she's fucking it's me personally i wouldn't care but society's never gonna let you live it down you gonna have to keep it you'd have to explain hey guys we just met it doesn't matter society just sees brian mary's stepsister would you get canceled for that on social media what would happen you're getting a lot of hate are you yo yeah you gave people a reason they're looking for any reason what do you think chin of course yeah there's no fun way about it you just met at the wedding i can't get a fucking break here but no matter

how good the connection is it's just too much to deal with. I wouldn't want to do it. No, fuck that. If that's your person, you have no control over it, fuck everybody. Oh, you're saying like you would go for it? 100%. If that's like my soulmate and we're not blood related, I don't give a fuck about it. I mean, if there's an amazing, undeniable connection, then maybe. That's what we're saying, Chin.

I don't know. Chin, you're single right now. I don't want to deal with that stuff, though. Okay, forget that. Chin's single? Forget that. Right, dude. You're at a wedding but you're single i don't want to deal with that stuff though okay forget that single forget that right do you go to a wedding you're still gonna have sex on the on the sly if you're both really on the sly yeah on the sly she's a that's what i'm saying you're gonna keep it under wraps yeah but you're doing it probably yeah hey dad turn a blind eye don't bring that you know what are you doing we we're into each other. Hey, Dad, I know that's my new stepmom, but is she a freak like the sister? Because that sister's a real tomcat.

There you go. Hey, are we going on a family vacation soon or what? By family vacation, I mean double date? Yeah. That's what happens. Dude, you would get eaten alive. You know that happens all the time, though. I guarantee it.

See, I don't think all the time. I keep saying all the time lately. I am. I don't think all the time. I keep saying all the time lately. Yeah, I am. I don't think all the time, right? It'd be the exception. People marrying their stepsisters. I had a giant family reunion about, I don't know, 15 years ago. And I was astonished at how good looking some of my cousins were that I'd never met.

Hey, Ricky Martin. I'd never met. Hey, should we add this? Heyicky martin take it easy i'm not saying i just i just was astonished at how attractive they were they were they were gorgeous i was like yeah pretty good i even had to say something i was like oh that's even weirder how's this side of the family that's good looking because my side of the family ugly they're just not good yeah sure i mean i'm just being honest i know i've been there i know i've been there right look i got eyes right i'm just telling you nobody's winning a beauty contest including me it's just they're

there nor should you enter no sure no one's demanding you guys enter these contests i don't know why i went to jerry seinfeld voice there nobody's demanding i told you if my baby i love my baby my baby's so fucking cute six months old if babies were for sale you don't hold on if baby's for sale though my baby is a standard model he's a standard model not going for high demand you're saying he's just your standard model sure there are some babies you see them and you go well well, that's crazy. Some are gorgeous. Yes. You get the Toyota Camry of babies. That's right. Aren't they going to blow your hair back? Cute as shit.

Still a baby. They all are. They all are. But he's not going to be on the, he's not a Gerber baby, right? No. Like if Gerber's having auditions for the new Gerber baby, he's not in it. He's not in it. No, no, no.

He's not even in line for the audition. This is correct. Yeah. And that's okay. That's life. Standard model. My baby's standard model now. He's not even in line for the audition. This is correct. Yeah. And that's okay. That's life. Standard model. My baby's standard model now. You got a Toyota Camry for a kid.

Let me ask you this. Right now. We don't know. He might be a late bloomer. Put a supercharger on a Toyota Camry. Maybe. If a baby's for now, you can buy a baby. You're talking about slavery right now.

I like where you're going. You can buy a baby. That's a weird episode. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, they they have a baby and there's the baby's there do you does that baby fetch a higher price and do you pay that higher price than your kid than any baby do you get the celebrities angelina jolie and brad pitt have uh their baby and actors two actors two attractive actors have lady gaga Gaga, Bradley Cooper have a baby. That baby's going to be handsome and sing.

Yeah. Do you take that baby? Over my blood? No, no. Over a race. You have a standard. My standard. Oh, I'm adopting no matter what?

Yeah. So there's a standard model or you can have that one. Do you pay the premium price? 100%. You do? Yeah, 100%. See, I say no. Why?

Because celebrities usually have disappointing kids. Typically. Not really. Typically, the kids don't work out that well i don't know if it's like it's like kids who come from very wealthy families it's like it's tough for them i don't know if you can say about celebrities there's a lot of celebrities who kids fucking crush a lot of celebrities whose kids don't crush it what about angelina jolie brett pitt i don't know about that they're as far as their kids? Because they've adopted so many, but then they do have two. I think they have some in their blood.

They're natural hitters, though. But then what's her name? Jason Momoa's stepdaughter. What's her name? She's in fucking Batman. Oh, yeah. Her dad's Lenny Kravitz, her mom's homegirl. Her stepson is his real daughter, right?

No, no. That's Lenny Kravitz's real daughter. It's not Jason Momoa's real daughter. Yeah, that's their. Well, Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet. That's a pretty cool thing. Her kid's so talented. It's not Jason Momoa's real daughter. Yeah, that's there. Well, Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet, that's a pretty cool thing. Your kid's so talented. Or the girl from Stranger Things, Ethan Hawks and Uma Thurman's kid.

Can you go back to that whole family? So that's clearly, the white kids are clearly Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. You can tell by the faces. Very good, Brian. Yeah, I mean, hey, they've got that. Oh, you mean the black kid and the Asian kid isn't theirs? No. Oh, my God, dude.

You're on it today. Well, those kids couldn't look more like a combination of those two. Right? Yeah. And then you have an Asian kid who's 40. There's two of them. They adopted a 40-year-old from Vietnam. I don't know what's going on.

Obviously, an Ethiopian child right there. They always get the most beautiful. And that kid's- And that other kid is- Malaysian? He's Asian. I said Malaysian. That's a good call.

Malaysian's a good call. malaysian he's probably i said malaysian that's now the now the uh the their actual kids are spitting images of brad pitt and julie yeah spitting yeah the girl looks like brad pitt the boys both look like their mom yes yep dude do you remember when she was dating billy bob thornton yes i do and they wore blood around their neck yes i do have you ever loved somebody so much you wear blood around your neck no i'm into that shit meaning you're showing to the person you wear their dna blood sample on your neck you drink their blood do you know the uh the tall uh biological child in the other picture is was born a woman what happened girl oh they have a transgender kid she's officially transgender but like dresses as a boy jesus fucking christ how much i mean this is the social contagion i don't buy it why does hollywood always have to have a transgender kid

well what a surprise i don't buy it i don't buy it i think it's social contagion would you say the kids so i have a friend who has daughters one of them identifies as transgender but she's she's a young kid i think she's just i don't know like eight nine yeah it's social contagion it's just that she's probably watching stuff on the internet and wants to do something do you know that 80 of kids who are identify as girls uh boys who identify girls end up being gay it's just a phase they go through. Yeah. And now, and you have people that are saying, oh, you're a girl, so let's give you invasive surgery. Their son there is killing it, though.

Which one? The one in the little white jacket. Crushing it. Yeah, handsome. Looks like the mom and dad. Crushing it. Yeah, I don't know. Where is, there's a kid, they have a transgender kid?

I don't think they've ever claimed to be transgender. Basically, she would wear boys clothes kept her hair short that might be changing in the recent year like yeah that's a lot of girls are like that i i mean yeah well yeah we used to call them tomboys yeah i think she like i just looking at recent boy his daughter's gorgeous though their daughter is gorgeous is that their daughter go back which one i go up right there in the middle the middle no uh the next next one over to the left to the left yeah right there very pretty girl shiloh yeah she looks just like both of them that's that's winning the genetics genetics right there wow well angelina jolie looks crazy they

don't get along they don't get along oh they're suing each other. Brad's suing her. Because she sold, their rosé is the best rosé I've ever had. Oh, it's actually good? It's the best rosé I've ever had. And you know I love wine. They have a great thing going with that wine. I think Brad Pitt's the best.

She sold it to that guy, Yuri. She sold it to, I guess, this Russian dude who's one of the first investors in Facebook. And it was just a really aggressive thing to do. Yeah. And he's suing her over that wine, right? Yes.

She sold it without checking with him so she sold it to a hostile buyer I guess. And they were both in on it. Yeah and he put a lot of work into that. I'm sure and he's like what the fuck? Yeah that guy owns it now. I'd be be pissed too yeah i would imagine she's a pretty nasty person to have mad at you wow he's come out and said he struggled with like vodka and shit though uh yeah he also can't recognize uh faces Yeah. Because he was drunk all the time. So they say. I think it was hand in hand with the vodka, Mr. Pitt.

Do you think you were drunk and can't remember people, or do you have a condition? But you know how in Hollywood there's always talk? I've always heard amazing things about Brad Pitt. Me too. From a lot of people. Nothing but good things. And Angelina Jolie is probably a little bit more mixed.

You could tell me she worships Satan and I wouldn't care. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. I agree. Yeah.

I'd be like, yeah, cool. But she's a little bit, she's a little difficult. Really? Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. To be honest, Brian,

what'd you hear? You're not saying. At the same time, she does a shitload for charity. She's a badass. She's up to those kids. Yeah, she's a badass. She's a badass person i don't

want to say i'm saying nothing bad about her yeah because if she was here i'd be kissing her ass oh yeah you would i'd be like oh whatever you say and i'd be hot because they're in that movie mr mrs smith that's where they met yeah great movie things got real steamy he was with jennifer jennifer asson that's right yeah and's right. And Angelina was like, listen, there are levels to this game. She was like, now listen, I know you're with a TV star, right? And that's fun.

And friends, I enjoy friends. I'm a movie star, right? I'm also, Angelina Jolie, I'm also the most beautiful woman in the world. So suck on this tit. Suck on this movie star tit. There's nothing you're going to do. You're not, that's...

A legit movie star? And Angelina Jolie at her prime? Bring her up in that movie. In her prime? What are you going to do? Was that her prime? Or was her prime with Billy Bob? That's a good question.

That's a good fucking question. But I mean, you're not, she's not hearing a peep out of you. You're doing whatever she tells you. Go to there where she's oh yeah yeah yeah they enjoy that there of course look at both look at her where she's leaning against the thing with that shirt that shirt leaning against the thing with the shirt yeah with the third one in top you're the worst chintz i'm not the worst bad at internet you said leaning against that thing that's 2005 now look at Now look at her. Look at her.

Now, you know what? Now, I got Jennifer. Are you serious? You're not doing that. Oh, no. Nobody's doing it. No, no. Nobody.

But again, think about that. In order to jump from Jennifer Aniston to Angela Jolie, it would have to be Angela. Like, Jennifer Aniston's gorgeous. Yes, yes. Now, her daddy and Jennifer Aniston both gorgeous. Yes. Yes. Now her daddy and Jennifer Aniston both in the business. Yeah. Both, you know, silver spoon in the mouth. It just happened to be both gorgeous. She's also, Angelina Jolie is also insanely talented.

Oh my God. Are you kidding me? She's one of the best ever. She's so good. That's aggressive, but she's so good. She is though. Oh, look at her. Well, I saw her in person when, and she was so. Oh my God. she's so good is though oh look at her well i saw her in

person when oh and she was so what are you gonna do nothing no you're gonna break up with a girl from france you're gonna throw your whole life away for that that's like that's like and i think she's all natural she is dove david off would always say love on that level is like they should warn you because it's like a drug it's's like, be careful that love thing. You could lose your house. And it's so fucking true. That's legit true. You're not doing a thing about that. Oh, dude.

No, if Angela. What are you going to do? Oh. Oh. That's one of my couple's therapy. You don't have the fucking armor. Brian, you know what I'm going to do. Or the weaponry.

You know what I'm going to do. Take your whole life and throw it out the window. 100%. And then also, if she goes, hey, baby, this is weird is weird but i'm really into it i'm a bottle of my shit and it's in a um a vase yeah it's heavy like it's a real shit not just like a piece yeah it's a full dump yeah can you wear the jar around your neck all day i go absolutely a full dump okay i have one i'd say absolutely here's a real test and i want you to be serious. And we, like, hang out?

Yeah. But can I take the jar off when we have sex? She goes, no. Bring her back. Bring her back up. Bring her back up. This is a real test. No, where she's just sitting there with her, like, there's that, wherever she is.

Okay. Oh, what do you wear on, Chin? I'll just go back and do it. No, no, no. You're right there. Right there. Far right. Far right.

Far right. Yeah, right there. There you go. Now, she's right there. Oh, God. Okay, now look at me- No, no, no. You're right there. Right there. Far right. Far right. Far right. Yeah, right there. There you go. Now, she's right there. Oh, God. Okay, now look at me. Oh, I can't. We've been friends a long time.

Yeah? We're friends a long time. Sure. She says to you, baby. She calls me baby? I'm bored. Wait, are we in a relationship? Give me some background, dude.

You're in a relationship. With Angelina Jolie? Yeah. Now, go with me on this. Just go with me. But I really need details here. I'm in a relationship. Yeah. Okay.olie? Yeah. Now go with me on this. Just go with me. But I really need details here. I'm in a relationship. Yeah.

Okay. Now watch. I'm doing well then. Just go with me on this. We're going to improvise. Ready? Just answer it. Yep.

Baby, I'm bored. Okay. I need you to, I don't feel like you love me and I want you to prove that you truly love me. Go on. Will you do that? Sure. Are you up for the challenge? Whatever it takes.

Okay. So Brian, I know he's your really close friend, right? Yeah, I like Brian. love me go on will you do that sure are you up for the challenge whatever it takes okay so brian i know he's your really close friend right yeah i like brian yeah he's a little old though you love him though right he's your friend love is strong but yeah he's cool okay you have a podcast with him and you guys have a bond yeah yeah and i hate i keep asking you to do it for writings but i have to hold on so like i've always had this fantasy of watching a man kill another man with his bare hands absolutely say less i didn't even finish the sentence you piece of shit with my bare hands you piece of shit so you'd lure me over the house somebody take care of the body and then trace back to me easily i would look you in the eyes and go i dude

i hate i i came here to do this yeah i hate myself you'd lure me to the house and then you would oh no no i tell you slave no no it's gonna be funner for me if i tell you when i'm there hey b what's up hey i gotta kill you right why you've seen my girl right yeah dude everybody's seen your girl yes angela jolie bro she's gonna break up with me unless i kill you so you know you gotta die right right and you'd like oh my god i know it's terrible i'm gonna come over and i'm gonna say you'll be in an hour and you're like oh my god i go you know what it's gonna be funner if you run so go ahead and run okay so i've always wanted to chase somebody you ready for the twist yep yeah you come over

you you grab me by the neck and all you just feel is three shots in your fucking heart you go like that and then she comes out from behind and she goes thank you baby oh yeah dude it was all a fucking ruse and then i just like older guys yeah billy bob's got me with my billy bob hand around her arm and i'm like see you buddy we'll love the u.n and Billy? Billy probably comes out too. And then I'd use that as I'm dying to go, enjoy those old balls. It's good. Good movie. All right, good.

Thank you. What else you got, Jim? What else you got? All right. No, but to just sum that all up, A, it's creepy about your family, and then B, I would kill you in a heartbeat for her. Okay.

I want her to know that. No, I know. And I know she listens to the show. She does. She's a huge fan. This was nuts. Have you guys been to this place before? I was just there.

You were there. Okay. It was right after my show. I dropped a special in April. April 21st, whatever. I was there on the 26th. April 26th. Tommy's own Charlotte.

Me and Brian Boatman. I got a call. Hef, hef. That's my boy who owns that place. What the fuck? It was an active shooter this weekend someone just ran in there with and shot one round that's it but i mean that's terrible obviously but not any like i saw this headline was holy fuck active shooting at the at the comedy zone i sent to all the comics like holy everyone's holy shit when you look into it's like they're like right now the media is

labeling anything mass shooter and you know uh the the the mass shootings everything's mass shootings now because triggering it scares us right and this one got me because like oh shit there's some active shooter at the comedy zone sounds like some guy ran in before a show fired one gun ran off and they got him it's just like here he sounds like a crazy person that just did something but this is a Craig Robinson I'm performing He's very slow Comedy Zone

In Charlotte, North Carolina There was an active shooter In the comedy club So they moved us over to this There's a concert going on And it's big time rush So I thought I would share with y'all But yeah

Hello everybody That's fucking hot Craig's the nicest guy too Such a good guy Wow Scary right? Yeah that's fucking scary man They caught the guy

But the guy didn't shoot anybody Just fired a gun Into the ground Jesus Fuck You know people are crazy man yeah and this wasn't just a quick one this was in vegas i guess a glass door somehow broke someone probably like hit the glass door but it caused this like crazy ass stampede everybody's on edge oh because they thought it was gun they thought yeah yeah man the people start stamping there's all these active shooters you know vegas has a history

of it with the the country yeah the country festival thing that was terrible but so anyways just one little glass door breaking caused this entire stampede i get it too i've i've i was at the mall with my kids and glass broke i would assume the worst and jump over the fucking counter. And when the Brooklyn Bridge, people, the first time they were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, I think it was finished in 1885, and they were walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, and somebody, a woman, slipped on some stairs.

All she did was slip on some stairs. Some people fell. And somebody said, the bridge is collapsing. Oh, wow. So everybody started running and somebody said the bridge is collapsing so everybody started running to get off the bridge and 12 people were killed and 21 were injured and stuff like that and then nobody would go on the brooklyn bridge and they got pt barnum to take 25 elephants and like 15 camels and walk them across the bridge and people were like, oh, okay. It's safe. Tight move. Tight move.

Tight move. I don't want to go to the heavy ones right now. Okay, so this one. There's some light ones right here. I bought my husband a sex doll that looks just like me. Now we have threesomes. Wait, Yellowstone actress? What is that about? This is more for Brandon because I don't know who this person is.

She was the lawyer for the Native Americans on the show. She's barely in it. Yeah, she's very pretty. But she's charged with what, Jen? So,

it's disability. So she says she couldn't work. She got injured on a set but then she ended up working right after that. So she's collecting

disability checks. This is a level of intelligence. Do you really think you're going to file for a disability and then work and get away with it? Oh, she's collecting disability checks. This is a level of intelligence. Do you really think you're going to file for a disability and then work and get away with it? Oh, she's gorgeous. That was in 2005. Yeah, she was super hot.

She's a little thicker now. Yeah? She's different now. Oh, that's 2005. Yeah, 2005. Yeah, a little thicker. That's her as Pocahontas. All right, well.

So about 100 grand worth of disability checks. But then- This happens all the time. The insurance companies have people specifically that go out to make sure that when you say your back is bad they will go and watch you on a saturday night and be like well you were dancing so what's up those people literally that's their entire career video they if you file insurance on that stuff yeah they'll go they'll follow you if you pull i know a guy who travels he flies around the country with that he has a camera and flies my father My father-in-law, he has a disability because his back is on CHP.

And I was like, we got to get your back stronger and I'll get you a personal trainer. And then he called the insurance. They're like, if you work out, this all goes out the window. Trust me, they're going to come by and see if you're not working. If they catch you working out, you're fucked. I was like, really? To try and improve you? Even though you're not doing back extensions and deadlift

just to heal your back? She's like, go to a physical therapist. Don't go to the gym. It's going to throw out this case. 100%. I bought my husband a sex doll that looks just like me. You know, I got to tell you. I'm not into it.

Also, so you're going to bring just some sex doll in there like that's what it takes just having a big piece of rubber doesn't look just like her though by the way the sex doll looks actually more the sex doll is a better no this is all done for better boobs too oh no they're both insane insane It's also done for content Is it though? I mean these things sell The sex doll sells? Yeah, they're expensive too but a lot of guys use them But also, they're 23 If you're 23 in a relationship and you gotta bring in a

Sex doll? Marry your stepsister Correct That's how you bring it back That's just a deep callback dude um and he's 28 she's 23 she's developed feelings for the dirty doll these not just a doll oh you crazy we're really attached to her she helped strengthen our relationship and set our sex lives on fire wow really the the horny husband also why you call them horny the horny husband also proposed the idea of threesomes.

They did it. You want to go down more? That's all good. The doll also has a giant set of hooters. Yeah, it's so different. It's not exactly like it. Yeah, it's like, oh, this is exactly like you. No.

But wouldn't that cause issues? Like, Brian, let's say your girl is like, hey, babe, I'm just don't have sex anymore can we order a sex doll oh yeah let's let's build it like me right and then you're building it and she's like why does it have triple d tits i don't have those you're like that's just what i'm into why does it have a giant ass i don't have a giant ass like that's what i'm into why does it have a giant nose look at his toes this looks weird those are some weird toes. Oh, damn. Some janky toes. What if he claims he ordered it?

He's like, I ordered it. I told him to make it look just like you and it comes with giant heads. He's like, that's bullshit. I just think it'd be great

if that doll had a huge dick. Maybe it does. I got a little secret dick. Something for both of us. Skinny legs. Yeah. I mean, wouldn't you judge your man

if you just see him going to pound town On this plastic doll Yeah the whole thing's weird She's She's got a booty on her I don't think that's real though What do you mean

You don't think it's real I mean like Photoshop or something What are you talking about Her waist is so small Oh Yeah I think she's using a filter

For her nose and ass there Yeah Cause her nose is wider Big nose big ass Yeah What else you got Jen Oh you went to her profile yeah it's taking a little while though yeah if i need a sex doll but my thing is

this is the road i'd go down by this sex doll's fun right she's like yeah it's fun it's like why not try the real thing right like that's just gonna lead you down the road of the real thing baby you know we're fucking with diet coke let's get the real coke you're at real coke way better than Diet Coke. Yeah, it is. Oh, this is her? Yeah. But she looks different.

Okay, well, she... She definitely has a booty on her. Yeah, she does. That's a big booty. Can you please apologize for accusing her? I have to apologize. Unless she's photoshopping every single picture. Well, John underscore Wed too wants to see her porn

he left a comment twice and then someone put you got bad posture oh my god i would be willing to bet the guy put you have bad posture doesn't have a girlfriend that's so funny yeah she's bootied up yeah well that's cool chin well she's crazy you know a little bit uh this is an older one but i thought this was interesting it's not that high up huh no you'll see you'll see yeah i see it hold on my computer's so slow right now yeah you gotta stop looking at all that sex doll porn i know that's probably causing this stuff to happen my second here that door kind of that dog kind of just lunged out the window huh it jumped from like a two-story building jim how's your neck you never talk about it it's

actually a lot because i did the epidural shot oh yeah and in february it got so much better and i'm like and plus uh mark's boy griffin he's been adjusting me too so oh really it's helping yeah dr gains griffin yeah dr gains griffin on instagram turns your head goes 26 i'm always afraid of that oh here it is oh my god get back oh my god she caught her dog god what if she didn't see apparently because of the lockdown yeah it'll play again but again because of the lockdown the dog got stressed out the dog does the dog work for apple but she was able to catch it perfectly what if she didn't and you just didn't even see it coming

all of a sudden your dog splats on the floor how traumatizing i don't think i think he'd been fine but i mean also a dog would never jump out of a it would have been so he was now a cat i wouldn't worry about it just wonder if dogs have the same ability to catch themselves no the dog would have been he would have been messed up they hit their chest for sure yeah because cats turn themselves into a squirrel suit. Yeah, cats just always land feet first. I feel like, I don't know. What's this?

Oh, wow. So this is the new 992 GT3 RS. And it's a small little quick video. That back end is filthy. It's on the road here. Oh, my God. Whose is that? I love the bumper.

And the wing is in, it's like like insanely huge that gets you crazy right there oh yeah i'm rock hard why that thing is sick but but like it's not the new the new gt3 rs is faster than my gt2 rs oh okay yeah but how much i don't know yeah like like like yours goes 200 and that goes 223 or something that's probably like zero to 60 mine's like two three that's probably two one or something like that oh man i know point two second but you still get crazy over it oh fuck yeah i love that thing yeah will you like that so hard to get more because they're just hard to get no my they don't make the they've made a new gt2 rs in a hot. I wouldn't trade my car for that, but I love that. Jay's going to be foaming at the big dick for that. Wait, I saw something about a comic there.

Yeah, this is a Bill Burr joke that I thought was super funny, but then my computer's just really slow right now. From his new special? No, this is an older clip. No Means No? Oh, that's a great joke. You guys seen this one? No Means No, that's another one.

No Means No. It's like, no, it doesn't. All right? No. It means no. That's another one. No means no. It's like, no, it doesn't. All right? Look, no means no. No. That means no. All right? But no, stop it.

What are you doing? Oh, my God. You're being so bad. Stop it. No. Yeah, that's not a fucking no. That means I want to do it, but I'm afraid you're going to judge me,

so I'm just going to make it look like it was your idea so you don't figure out that I've already performed this act with 40 other fucking people. But then, then you go to court, and you get a bad read, and there's some guy reading it. Your Honor, she said, no, stop it. What are you doing?

You're being so bad yeah and you just said you fucking say it like that such a good bit yeah no me here's a new special out he did at red rocks i know bill sold out uh the green monster in boston where the red sox play listen i'll be at the milwaukee improv this weekend guys just as good as Boston. Yeah. I'm in San Diego, Brian. Brookfield, Wisconsin, Milwaukee Improv this weekend, July 21, 22, 23. Then I got Austin, Texas, Cap Cities, July 28, 29, 30. I'll be seeing our boy Joe Rogan on Thursday.

Nashville, Tennessee, Zanies, August 26, 27. Come get some. Go ahead, buddy. What do you got? Wednesday night, I'm at the Hollywood the hollywood improv shop and friends we got anthony jeselnik trevor wallace eric griffin a special guest myself it's the late show this wednesday at 10 p.m the hollywood improv and then san diego laugh factory san diego downtown san diego that is this thursday friday saturday The boys will be there. David Lucas, Justin,

we have some monsters on that show in the San Diego Laugh Factory. And then August 4th through the 6th is Baltimore. One night in Chicago, Den Theater. Friday night, 7.30 show, Chicago, August 26th. Then I'm in Appleton, Wisconsin, September 8th through the 10th. Ontario, California, just got announced,

September 15th through the 17th. Ontario, California, just got announced September 15th through the 17th. And September in Boston. But this week, San Diego, you're up Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Is that it, B? That's it, buddy. And Final Kid 3D. We'll drop the first episode tomorrow. Oh, yeah.

On the Final Kid YouTube. We're going to drop all 12 episodes and the outtakes. Once a week, you're getting Final Kid 3D. We finally got them, baby. This is the Final Kid. We're out.