The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 824: RECORD BREAKING RIDICULOUSNESS

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

The boys talk Bryan finishing editing his new special, Brendan breaking the all time record for appearances on MTVs Ridiculousness, the best massage Bryan's ever received, Brendan's brilliant idea for a new kind of coffee shop, Brendan's change of plans for doing standup this weekend in Chicago before the tough Mudder, and current events such as David Portnoy's latest beef, Sylvester Stallone's divorce, and a scuba diving tiktoker demonstrating how to safely evade a shark attack.  Onnit - onnit.com/fatkSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's the fighter and the kid Hyde the run it back Cause we back at it again Yeah, we gon' keep it moving like it's never gonna end When it was brining, when it was bright And when it was just talkin' to friends We got the kid galling on the left With the fighter on the right

Hey, how'd they do it right? Cause we comin' at your lock Back with the team I'd be keepin' OG, my CTV I had to do it Yes, we did Cause we back at it again It's the fighter and the kid It's the did, cause we back at it again. It's the fight on the kids.

It's the fight on the kids. Back at it again. It's the fight on the kids. The fight on the kids. Back at it again. It's the fight on the kids. The fight on the kids. It's the fight on the kids.

This is really the fight on the kid. We're out. Come on, baby. I want to start the show by saying that I heard a piece of gossip and it is as big as remember when I broke the news that Bruce Ketter was going to be Katelyn Jenner on Rogan. I did break that. And this is, I think this is bigger, or I think it's actually bigger. Oh, for sure, but there's nothing I can say. Woo!

It's not on us. It's not on us. It's out somebody, and we don't know them. Take it easy, dude. I'm not saying it. You've already said too much. I'm not saying who it is. You've already said too much.

Then it's not in, shh. I'm not in that club. Yeah, I know, but be quiet. Anyway, I just like to start things by saying there's information that I have that nobody out there is gonna know. Tell me. But you will eventually. I don't know.

I believe in life. I don't think so. I need ever come out. You couldn't be more wrong. I believe in life. Maybe there is no way. Maybe when they're like 80. Maybe, but in here's the thing.

When you as a human being are holding on to a secret, when you as a human being are not living on authentic, you're authentic self, that shit will fucking, it will find its way. Dude, I don't know. It's tough. Can you imagine having to live that way? It's tough.

Good actor. Hey, I'm not saying he's an actor, I'm not saying he's an actor. I'm a... I'm a... He can't help himself. You'd have to be an actor though. Like even if you're not in the actual professional, you'd still, but just you're acting in life.

Your entire life is an actor. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. Like, your entire life is an actor. Your entire life is an actor. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Like, you're entire life. You're an entire life, isn't that? Yes, that's what I'm saying. And I, yeah. But I've always picked up on that.

With that. I always picked up on it. The very first time you met me, you did? The first time I met Mark. Carly. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, what's going on? How about it?

Not much brother, I shot three episodes of ridiculousness. 10 total, most recurring guests of all time Yeah, Rob Deerdick is one of the not only smartest people and the coolest people on that but he's also fucking Like is there anybody more dialed in oh my plans? Who plans his life to the nth degree? Well on the bike companion, when he goes, I've had exactly three bad days in 2020. I was like, what the fuck?

Chris goes, I've had all bad days. I've had all the bad days. I'm with some of these people, and it's anyone actually watch this show anymore. People still watch K-Will-Tell a vision. So just so you more on, no, he is, that show is the views on that. There's a reason why they, I

don't really see how much he has paid. There's a reason why he is the entire network. He's the entire network. What happened with MTV? They were so big. I did one of the last shows called Death Valley, which was one of the greatest shows ever fucking done and made where we were all hunting fucking bad guys. We were hunting bad guys. We were in the Valley of Los Angeles right there. I was the chief and we hunted vampires, werewolves, and vampires werewolves and zombies.

Did anybody go out to do anything after that, or? Nobody looks familiar there. Katie Lotz is on Arrow, was on Arrow forever. That beautiful blonde, who's one of my favorite people on the planet, I love her so much. That was her kind of breakout thing. She never stopped working after that. Texas Battle is one of the greatest guys.

He's a soap guy. Tanya Ramond is, was on a show for a while, and she's, she's like one of those intellectuals and she looks like that. She's gorgeous. Charlie is a, a, a, a She's gorgeous. Charlie is a ground link. So he's always popping up on seven. Bryce Johnson, I haven't seen him much,

but he just did something, I think. So they're all working, but they, you know, success in itself. To stay current and working. Exactly. But MTV, they're, but that show was so good. And what they did was they kept breaking it up with commercials.

So they wouldn't even let it, you'd see one minute of it and they break it up with four minutes of commercials. It killed the show. Yeah, I mean, that's it. Well, imagine how much of a success it beat today if it's on like netflix or paramount or HBO. But it says far as like network TV, even MTV, like they're, you know, they make their not off 16

and pregnant, teen mom, and then the big one is ridiculousness. Yeah, that's what they do. And then while an out was really big for them, but the kind of, and also for the younger generation, and then the big one is ridiculousness. Yeah. That's what they do. And then while and out was really big for him, but the kind of, and also for the younger generation, remember when I was growing up, M.T. was huge for music. They don't do music at all anymore.

Not at all. Nothing. They don't touch music. T.R.L. was massive. The top 10 was M&M, Brittany Spears, Backstreet Boys. Yeah, that's Tony Ramon, by the way. And Brilliant. And Brilliant.

God, she's gorgeous. That's cool. And Brilliant. Well, she's Tony Ramon. By the way, and brilliant, and brilliant. God, she's gorgeous. That's cool. And brilliant. Well, she's an alien. She'd be reading like Tomas Mann. She'd be reading, she speaks like three different languages. She'd be reading it in that language. She looks like that, but she comes from like a super intellectual like family.

Yes, she seems cool. Yeah, she's actually awesome. But also MTV was saying like now with the younger audience, like, you know, the people that now with the younger audience like you know The people that watch Game of Thrones and like Narcissus stuff aren't Teeny-boppers, you know like the the attention span. It's all tick-tock like they have to figure out like how to grab the attention of kids Well, such a short time to do it. So they're trying to figure that out Moves are dealing with this

Movies are dealing with the fact that all of our brains have been rewired. Just cell phones. Well, with TikTok. Right. So I'm saying cell phones. Yeah. Yeah. TikTok, even YouTube, like, you know, you know, you have a full

long, like, say fight conveyer for instance, you'll have a full long three hour episode. Bro, I mean, people are age are watching three hours, but then most of them are just watching the clips. The clips will get more views in the full episode. Yeah. It's just the way it goes. Look at it's specials.

Look at us now. Meet with anybody you want to. Everyone will tell you, look into the actual analytics. Everyone, doesn't matter who you are, stop watching the majority after 28 minutes. That's right. That's right. After 28 minutes. Back in the day of the foot, no, I don't know anybody, it are stop watching the majority after 28 minutes. That's right That's right after 28 back in the day of the foot. No, I don't know anybody stop watching after an hour I mean, let's just like your favorite comic win general the the public stops watching after 28 minutes. Mm-hmm

Just a tennis man. So but it's kind of a bummer. It's it Beyonce was complaining about that She's like nobody wants to hear a body of work anymore. They want to hear one song. Oh, no yet But you know the reason why like Drake and certain guy, like Kanye and where they release so many songs, because in order, it's something in the algorithm Spotify and the billboard, there has to be a certain amount of songs that reach that level. So if you only release, you know, whatever, four tracks, you're not gonna be featured on that stuff.

So they do it, they know it's not the greatest body of work, but they know three songs in there be fucking bangers. And that's why they do it. So the release like one feature, two feature, three features, whole album. But the whole album like 20 songs, I don't want to listen to 20, even I don't want to listen to 20 songs from my favorite artist. There's no way it's 20 hits. But they're doing it because it gets them in that. They're allowed access to that, you know, to get the tracking that they have to meet the requirements to whatever, get the platinum or whatever that bullshed. Everything has changed so much. In five years, think about how much it should.

That's not, right? Now, the question is, what is the business and what are we going to be doing in 10 years? What's it look like? I don't know. I mean, I don't know how much long jevry there's been with this, because there's also comics out there who they do one clip that whatever goes viral

and people fuck with and gets, let's say, 10 million views and it's a minute 20 and they're selling out theaters. But if it's just a minute 20, I don't know what you're fuck, what act you are in the theater has to be an hour, have to an hour. Oh, I get quiet. So that one 20. It gets quiet, right quick, after that minute 20.

So there are people that have had sold 10 years worth of tickets off of one viral video. But if it's 10 years, that means they're doing a good show. Because if you just do a, let's say you have a clip that goes super viral in some minute 30, and you're, you're briding that wave for a year, well, yeah, you're flashing a pan. If you don't for seven years, 10 years,

you're doing something right. That means people are coming back. 100% 100%. That girl Ann Holloway Johnson, she did that with that one clip, the nail salon. That's right, that's right. She does a pretty good deal. Yeah, good deal.

She never stopped, but she's a beast. She's a beast. She's a fine actress. She's a mom. Yeah, but that's how she started. She was ready to go though. Yeah, she's saying like, it took me a while. She's a well-known person.

She's so pretty though. Yeah, I never beast. Yeah, Crystal jail. Yeah, she's somebody who had, remember, she was on Mad TV. So she was already talented. She was already experienced. she was already experienced, she was already working her ass off.

You know, I hear good things about her. And I think she's Latin, right? Yeah, but a lot of people thought she was Asian because of the crypto gel and obviously that's an Asian thing. Yeah, she's a former NFL cheerleader. Cast a member of Mad TV season 13. Damn. Have we got for her? Yeah, crushing it.

Hey, be let's take a little break. Yeah. And if you need a break, I will be in Alpacen, West Codans and September 10th through the 12th. Come get some Alpacen, West Codans. I'm sorry, that's September 8th through the 10th. Alpacen, West Codans, I'm an material improv, September 15th to 17th. I close September with the trash banditour September 29th through October 1st is laughed Boston. Get just take us a thinkboy.com. Beg him your day.

I'll see some rally North Carolina's good nights. I'll be there September 8th and 9th and 10th good nights in rally North Carolina. San Jose, California improv September 15, 16, 17. Spacan Washington, Spacan Comedy Club, September 22, 24. I'm a busy boy in September. You are a busy man. Check out Best Up, don't forget.

But listen man, when I'm doing show like Best Up, when I'm out on the road, I need nutrition, I need energy. Dude, you still taking that multi-vitamin? I'm taking that multi-vitamin. Bro, what if I could drink a multi-vitamin, dude? How about AG1 by Athletic Grings? Listen, it is a super food product. It brings comprehensive and convenient daily nutrition

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a multivitamin brine. Okay, dude, we got ya, bro. I'm gonna see mineral probiotic, green, superfood blend. How about that? It's my favorite. Eight ounce of water, a downed, I feel fantastic. Join the movement, athletes, life, lights, moms, dads, rookies, aunts, gay uncles. It contains one less than a gram of added sugar, No GMOs, no nasty chemicals or artificial anything and it tastes good. It's fantastic

And they'll give you by the way one free year of Vitamin D a supply of vitamin D and five free travel packs with the first purchase if you visit Athletic Greens dot com slash fighter today. Yeah, and all you gotta do is go to athletic greens.com slash fighter, take control of your health and give aid you wanna try. Let's get back to the program. Yeah man, cool. What else is that? What else is that?

What you been doing? So you did ridiculousness? Three episodes, yep. He is that such down to science, man. It's nuts. No crap. They just, remember the pandemic, they still shot through the pandemic,

but couldn't have them live audience So I figured oh things are normal now. We have live audience. No, he's like I like we like it better without it's faster You don't you can you'll knock out more shows about live audience. No more live audience. Just the staff in there Wow just rob the staff you know Steele brim and Chanel West Coast and they knock out fucking eight episodes a day. Like he has it down to a fucking pure science dude. My daughter started high school and I won't say the high school but freshman. Freshman. And her first day she's super excited you know. And well there was a fight among two freshman boys. And one got stabbed. What the?

Yeah, the kid pulled out a knife and cut the other kid up. Now, the encouraging thing is that the police were there in exactly 30 seconds. They don't fuck around in schools anymore. But, and then I said, well, can we get some metal detectors? Here's the problem with a big public school. You would take, you can't have that

because it would take forever to get forever. Yeah, and kids are like, oh, I'm sorry, I had my, you know, dick piercing in. I can take it out, like it's gonna take forever to get into the cloud. I don't know how many kids have dick piercing in my life. You know what I'm saying? You're hiding some metal.

Some metals in there. Yeah, so I'm gonna say, oh my page, it's gonna be a thousand things. Oh my Nintendo glow. Yep, all that stuff. So I was like, oh, there are oh my page. It's gonna be a thousand things. Oh my Nintendo glove. Yeah, all that stuff So I was like oh there are no metal to take realistic interesting not realistic So I guess we got to just roll the old dice now. I got a kid in high school and that's what I think about freshman I go my daughter. I go freshman. I go what happened he goes got stabbed

I said what do you mean? He goes got cut up in the face got stabbed in the body I went well, that's a huge issue. But she was, it's her, like, they're used to like, mass shootings, she's like, yeah, whatever. Well, that's what I mean. Cause at first I said it was a fight. And I was, there was a fight. And the cops were there immediately and then security.

And there was all these fire departments. And I was like, for a fist fight, what the fuck has happened to our country? What's going on with these pussy? My daughter goes, he got stabbed at. I go 18 year olds, he goes, no, no, the kid was, they were freshmen. Kid got stabbed.

You don't imagine, I can't, first, hey, well, you know you're not going back to school. Like, first day of school? First day of school? Who's like, you know, I'm bringing this knife, just in case that Larry kid pops off. I mean, what? That's not a good way to start.

And also, back when I was in high school in whatever, 1999. You didn't shank each other. But if someone did shank, so that's the story for the year. That's right. For my entire high school, four years. That's not shank news, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, that's a big deal.

Now, I mean, I've heard anything about it. I didn't even make the news. You sure didn't. You sure didn't. That's enough. Yeah, there's some weird shit that goes on. This is a weird story, but my daughter's had a high school. My daughter's had some weird shit like in her middle school,

a father with having a custody of dispute with his wife and her. And he went to the fucking front of the school and shot himself. Just like, oh yeah, here you go, boom. Like some people is just like, it's like that thing where I can't kill you is somebody to kill myself. Yeah, no doubt.

Did your daughter go to the school in the movie Dangerous Mine? She goes to the school and Michelle's mine. Is Michelle's wife for her fucking... Michelle Fyfer came out and got rid of the body and she's in that school. That is not the day. I was just like, oh yeah, you want to play this game? Yeah. And it was during school hours. Yeah. Wow. That's it. My son in your face. My son, my son now, who's 11,

were in. Well, great. He's in fifth. I told you the story where I'm in Bora, Bora, and he goes, he goes, you know, dad. So you know how like when you do something nice to somebody, you get a warm fuzzy feeling, and they say that your temperature, your body, the temperature changes. I've never heard that, I'm like, yeah. Yeah, okay, sure.

You know, so I did this experiment, it was really cool. The water was kind of cold, and then sure. You know, so I did this experiment. It was really cool. The water was kind of cold. And then I ordered a Coke and I tipped the waiter $40. Okay. And I got back in the water and the water was warm. Okay. Well, I go.

And by the way, he's so fucking sneaky that I know he knew he probably fucked up. I go, you gave him $40 and my son son goes yeah, but it was a really cool experiment I go I know but you've tipped him 40 bucks and it's not on you to sign for shit first of all Yeah, cuz you're right. I don't where you learn how you could sign for shit and don't tip $40 And he said he goes I know dad, but he's a waiter Smart smart. He can be mad at him smart. I was like you little fuck an experiment He said he goes, I know dad, but he's a waiter. Smart. Smart. He can't be mad at him.

Smart. I was like, you little f**k. An experiment. I know I shouldn't get him 40 with his experiment, Pops. Just an experiment. Fort, it goes, crunk, just off one coke. The guy was probably like, he should have been like, for 11 kids, it's not real. I know, but he's like, 40 bucks.

He's in this, he's like, some rich kid, Borabora, hell yeah, 40 dollars Thank you, but also a Just piss in the water. You want to warm up dude? Take one from your uncle be here just piss in the water You want to your warm sensation all around you piss hard in that one also that water's not cold though, right? No, yeah Here's what I did So it's French Polynesia to heat it to heat his French Polynesia the French came in like Cononize the fuck out of him and slave them and did their thing Now the Tahitians were way bigger than the average Frenchman. Yeah, the thick but

They're bigger than you. Yeah, there's some Owen basically the numbers game though numbers game one other No, it's a technology game. The French were like, that's cool. We have gun powder and muskets and we're gonna shoot you. Yeah. That's all. That's advanced when you technology did. Yeah.

So, but good old Brian, now they speak French. Everybody speaks French because it's French Polynesian. Now, B speaks some French. So B is popping off when French. Mm. Thing is the Tahitians don't like speaking French. Oh. Yeah.

That's why they didn't know that. That's what you didn't know that. I'm showing off and they're answering me in English. Because they hate it. Yeah. Yeah, they probably dread it. Yeah. Yeah.

The language that insulated them. Yeah, that enslaved them. Yeah, I'm speaking the language of the colors and my best French accent. And I can't figure out why they're not responding. And I told you I had the best massage in my life, though, right? No.

Oh, I get in there and I look at a Tahitian woman. Now, you know, I'm not a very sturdy guy. I'm a thin, thin, I'm a range kid, 170. Then? And there's my nephew stud. That kid was kicking the eight feet with your feet jack and that's my son with my bones

great all that you're son of a lot of that's my son of a lot of that's great that's like you that's fine in the kid that's right in the kid how did you not to put fire in the kid that's it's a kid circuit two thousand twenty two i should have that's that's better than the kid that's the new fighter in the kid. That should have... That should have... Circa, 2022. I should have. That's the new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid.

The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid.

The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid.

The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. The new fighter in the kid. Dallas Tristan, but it was so funny because I fucking, I get there and I go to the massage place and I need a good massage. I've been playing volleyball, tennis, I like it, let the way it's. Yeah, bro. And I lay at stress,

because you don't ever feel it yanked off or been not horrible. Not at four seasons in Borough, Borough, this is a classy joint. And a Tahitian woman walks in. Now again, there are sturdy people. She's shorter than I am, but every bit is way stronger. Way stronger.

You put her on a leg machine. Thick ankles, the calves. Or a bench machine. You're putting all your money on her. You know, we get them with such parties. We want the opposite of the Sean Watson. Thank you. We want an actual moussa.

Thank you. She's got feet, hands, forearms. She's just a big body. Very, very. Nope. Her name is Tahani. Very pretty, but just I'm way too light in the ass for a T-shirt woman.

Way too light in the ass. And I said, I made a mistake of saying, I would like it to be deep deep. And all she did was smile and motion to the table. I was in the same fucking room. My my girl. Oh, Hate that. Yeah, couples massage. Yeah, well my girl. I heard it because I was scared. I was doing this. I was going Oh, they said it's a it's a view of the ocean. You're not looking at the ocean, but I don't face down. Yeah. Yeah, that's up face down Correct. So she started working on me and I was going

So she started working on me and I was going, and my girl was like, hey, you have to stop this. You have to, you're ruining everything. It was painful. Shot the fuck up. She was getting in there. Getting in there like, she got into my cabs. With the elbow? A big Moana elbow.

And then she was just her thumbs alone. I came out of there. I was, I was flat as a fucking pancake. Flat as a pancake. Did it help though? No. No, I was sore for three. I was I was flat as a fucking pancake flat as a pancake. It helped though No, no, I was sore for three already knows sometimes when it started your face is down Yeah, and your your nose for the toxins all the toxins leave in your body push everything towards you Yeah, I wasn't the same three days. She goes you're gonna be sore tomorrow. Yeah three days. Yeah, she got a little too deep

And I was wishing the value, it's nice. You can't pull up this place that just says Asian massage. No, I don't know. No, that's right. I get one the other day and I went in and it was like, there's bars on, I'm like, oh, this isn't, I just walked out

with this isn't what I'm doing. I've been, I've gone to one of those. My friend sent me to one and I wanted a massage. I didn't want to yank and I walked in there and I went, well, I saw these Asian women and I was like, everybody here is in some one way or another an indentured servant or a slave. Nobody wants to do that. Nobody wants this Nobody wants to be massaging some fucking white dude. You don't know in his 40s. That's discussed. I got the fuck out of there Well, I didn't know this place looked official and then I got in they said oh 40 like 40 dollars cash

I'm like cat. I'm like, oh well Boom here. Let's do what happens. Yeah, but you know, it's bullshit when they just start making shit up Like they're like walk on your back or they just like Trying to you know like fucking fucking idiot wants a real massage Yeah, you got to figure it out. Do you have any tip money? Like can we just jack you off and get out of here? I'm like no, no, no, no, let's go and get those hammies, get the feet. Yeah.

And it's like a shitty massage. The worst. The worst. Now let me ask you this question. Do you think if you had a massage parlour with stud dudes, stud dudes, as the masseuse? As the masseuse.

And women, women from all over New that they could go there safe place anonymously and have sex. Oh with the best-looking guy. Oh, no, no, I was thinking would they would that place make money? You absolutely so you think so. I think so now you're gonna have about a six-month run for you shut down by the fed Let's say it was underground. Let's say it was on some island. It was. I just pitched Kat the other day. She has the money now, and I'm hoping she's in on it. You know, I'll put up half the money, you know, the coffee, the coffee and strippers.

The Asian coffee place is she talks about. Yeah. But remember that idea? Yes. And Newport, that goes on. Get that dark roast. Yeah. Dark roast in a sod.

I think there's so many issues with that regulations and vices on your ass. Oh yeah, it's human sex trafficking, Brian. There's so many red flags. Listen, but it's like that. Like that's green tea or is it pissed? That's green tea. Yeah.

That's what I'm looking, not that. That's too open to talk. What would you call your coffee place? Tits and, and a jolt. No, that's two on the nose. Yeah. You know? Lotta, be more like that.

It'd be classy. It'd be classy. Lotta and ladies. And now these girls, you gotta have your head on a swivel because they are serving up hot beverages. So you can't just be really nearly about it. We can't be spilling in a triple shot of espresso

on the customer. They're very cute. Yeah, that's even, see, that's too much. We don't want lingerie. We don't want to go, no pasties like the one in the middle. No, we don't want to give our hand away here. You're thinking you're coming in for a nice dark roast. Maybe we have some French press to take a little time.

Now while that French press is just the aroma and the one on the right, she's my number one pick. So as the beans are flourishing, you're chatting. You're chatting. And you're waiting. Maybe they, you have an expert, Barry's to an aroster who's doing all that stuff, yeah? Oh yeah, three of them.

When we're packed, to the gills. No food, just coffee. I can see the ads for that, it'd be pretty cool. You just have girls just drinking coffee in bikinis. That's it. The baddest cut. But the bad. Look at that. Let me see that.

Bring that back. No, no, no, no, no, no. And we give, we have fair wages, all right? And you can keep all tips. I mean, I'm very happy with all of those gals. Yep. Yep. Second one in from the right is going to be serving up just ice coffee, okay?

Yeah. Yeah, well, because it gets too hot, otherwise. And we don't see that bullshit. There's no croissants. There's no. one in from the right is gonna be serving up just ice coffee. Okay. Yeah, well, cause it gets too hot otherwise. And we don't see that bullshit. There's no qualsonce. There's no cake pops. No. Strictly Java, baby. Just Java.

We don't do any fucking pumpkin spice lattes, dude. We're just Java and tits. And they're just in bikinis. Yep. And you can't put any almond milk in it. Longer and bikini. No sweeteners. Oh, now you can't put in all men milk in it. Lawsher and bikini. No sweet nerves. Now, if you want the lingerie, you know, you talk about that dark rose boom boom room, okay? Okay. Yeah. So if you want that, okay, you walk in and that's what's going on.

No, no, no, no, that's behind the curtain. Okay. So you are not at night, nighttime being a VIP client, okay? You're talking about, you're talking about, if you got the money, things can turn brothel right quick. Yeah, you said it and I didn't, it's my business. I'm just saying. Now you're a frequent flyer or frequent Java flyer because in order to get into that boom, boom,

Java room, you need 10 stamps. You gotta earn it. Got it. We don't know if your hot head can't come back to it. We have strict security. Vietnam is caught. You want to see security? You're looking at them, it's Mark.

Yeah. You would you serve a Vietnamese coffee, sweetened condensed milk? No, no, no, no, again, condensed milk, that's bullshit. Okay. You were talking about sugar here. Dude, we only offer, we're like those steak houses. We're gonna throw you out, you ask for steak sauce.

I don't think there'd be any regulation. You're allowed to wear a bikini. It's just a dress code, it's fine. Mm-hmm, right? But bikini too much, too much. Well, dude, if you want to see the bikini, you gotta get in the job, Java boom boom room, okay? Oh, really?

Oh, yeah. Other than that, they're fully clothed. They're pretty as far. Really? So you got an incentive to get into the job, or? Oh, yeah. So I drink my coffee. It's a monthly fee.

I don't know if I have time in the morning to go into the boom boom room and drink my coffee. I don't know, tell you man, it's not for you then. Unless it was late night and you were serving booze in the coffee, but now you got a whole situation. Oh, then we got to do that call license. That's a whole situation. What's going on with Tiger Thick?

Ooh, just Hosslin, buddy. Yeah. Hustlin. Because it's a good whiskey. The best. Yeah, best. Where can people get it? You need to thinkboy.com. Okay.

And get on there. We have our Berber and Outfitters, the one who supplied online, and then in Texas it's in all the main stores, their specs. Nice. Yeah, we're big in Texas, just got into Boston. Great. Awesome. Let my shows have it. There you go, we're being tech. It's just gotten to Boston. Great. Awesome. One of my shows have it. There you go, baby. Very good. Five star review, dog. It's very good. Yeah, it's great. I love it. I haven't had it home. I served it the other day.

I really loved it. Look at that, dog. Oh, I got you. I tell you I had to, uh, I make them announce it now because the fish are out to cancel my theater show in Chicago. I heard, I heard not from you, but I heard, and I correct me if I'm wrong, that theater required proof of vaccination. Even a boost. From what I was told, a positive test was enough, you have to have a vaccination card

and an updated booster. And it's not the den theater show, it's my team's fault for not reviewing the contract and just to say, okay, we'll do it there because we needed a place in FASC because the tough mutters there on Saturday on 27th and then I wanna do stand up on 26 because the brain teams there, tough mutter teams there,

some honor people, all my people are there. So I wanted to do a show Friday night. So they found this with the quickness don't review the contract. We didn't know to this week we're here in all these emails and Jay was in Monteray at the car show and usually Jay's on it and we just didn't see it and I'm like, what the heck is going on with this place?

And then Jay's like, dude, look at the website, look at the COVID protocols. Now to be fair, once I hit up Dan Theater, let's see if we can get out of it for your show. Most people don't care now I'm like I care my audience cares. I'm not anti-vax do what you do whatever you feel comfortable with But what I can't be part of is if it's forced upon people then I'm out especially in August of 2022 when we know the science now Before I get it everyone scared you're doing your thing. I guess that's the right thing to do people feel safe

August summer 2022 I get it, everyone's scared, you're doing your thing. I guess that's the right thing to do, people feel safe. August, summer, 2022, what are we doing here? I've never even heard of it. I don't know when I assume to either. Now to be fair to the dead in theater, they're like, listen, we don't necessarily agree with it either. It's part of this theater. Overall, the theaters come together. We don't have the power.

They have a coalition. Yeah, that's what they're saying. So they're like, let's see if we can ask them if we can get out. It's too short of notice, I want to love you guys. I'll definitely be back, but this I can't be part of it. So now I'm doing a 30 minute spot on the 730 show at Lafactory Chicago, 730, and I'm also on the 930 show.

So I close the shows out, 739 30. I'll have the ticket links up, but just go to Lafakia, Chicago. The whole team would be there, yeah. That's awesome. But it's just a... I'm going to Canada. I didn't think about it.

Would you, like COVID laws, right now? Well, but I'm going to Canada for our boy, Tark's wedding. And... Don't you marry Canada, right Tark? Well, his lady's from Ottawa. Oh, that makes sense. So I'm flying Ottawa now.

When you fly to Ottawa, you're gonna tell the Canadian government well his is ladies from Ottawa oh that makes sense so i'm fine auto now when you fly to Ottawa you you're gonna tell the Canadian government everything about you well you know you have to wear a mask on the plane correct you have to wear a mask on a plane you have to show proof of vaccination everything you're flying the North Korea yeah there's a lot it's very very invasive it's very interesting there's mandatory information you have to tell the government and that's new for Canada well true door true true door is a I mean we're talking about it. Yeah biggest narcissist in the world. Yeah.

Is that for no casual. Anyways, but the thing about that is Canada is a nightmare because of the dictator that do. But it's all for safety. Sure. Yeah, he wants, he just does the one in these invading your privacy and make sure he controls everything. That's not what's going on in Canada. Just saying. And people are stoked about it up there.

Oh, they love it. They love it. They're so happy. What's funny about the world, you got to a Rogen concert, you just, you're out in the world. What's so funny? I mean, a Rogen show. I don't say concert. But what's funny't do it. They don't take content. I mean, a rogan show.

I don't take content. But what's funny is that, like, don't you see such a massive difference between what the news tells you the world's like and what the world's really like? So, don't you all feel that way? Repeat the last sentence. Like, the difference between what the news says the world is about and where the problems are and what the issues are versus. Well, Mark sees it because he's on the road with me.

So he sees actual people. That's, I've always said that about social, whatever's going on. Social media, when Trump was running for president, you know, if, we're in this bubble and now later, you're like, oh my God, there's no way Trump's he went. But then when you get into Texas, you get into Boise, you get into certain areas, you're like, oh, I actually, he's probably, I went, I think he's going to win. Try my channel You're dealing that's what I'm saying you're dealing with real interaction with people

So that's why my perspective on social media It might be one thing and you if you're in that world and you're on social media all the time You're constantly looking at it take talk and Twitter. You like I'm like got the world's on fire everyone hates each other and Trump there's no way Trump can win or this But I could see it, I mean, every other weekend, when I'm on the road, real people meet hundreds and thousands of people and it's like, oh, none of that is, that this is so extreme.

You guys aren't living in reality, man. None of that's real. My thing is, if I wanna see, I'm really waiting to see if this Marlago raid turns out to be nothing, if this Marlago raid turns out to be nothing, if this Marlago raid turns out to not result in an indictment of the former president. I don't think we'll find out. Well, because it compromises the FBI. Yes, but they have to ultimately give us the reason. There's got to be, well, also, is there an indictment here when you do a search warrant,

and especially a high profile like this one like this is for the president it's got a yield fruit and and if it doesn't go on a major but going on it's a it's a miscalculation because now you've lost left right you've lost all trust in the government which they did during the pandemic well also no they lost all trust with the Russia probe to ultra well that that is so, you know, that's a little cloudy. So I don't think people are like, I think people that are in the know are like, this is ridiculous.

But in general, people are like, all right, they didn't find anything there. With this now, and they have to actually vouch for it. Otherwise, if they decide, you know, it's too confidential, we can't release the information. Okay, let me know how it goes for you. You're losing left and right that's that's

that's what the been the foundation and i think marit garland who's the district of train would have to resign because if if that's what you're doing and the fbi is going along with it even it even makes the fbi look bad the justice farm look bad so it's like this is a big fucking risk but what's. But what's the takeaway from all this? Listen, the former president isn't safe from this. Nobody's safe.

That's what's scary. They did that to a former, say what you want about Trump, I get it. Say what everyone, I don't go for it. He, he's the former president of the United States has a good chance of being your next, the next president too. They can do that to the president.

What do you think is going to happen to you that has no power, no voice. That's what's scary. Yeah. That's right. Did you guys see the part about the other side of this is potentially that Trump was harboring documents that would be, you know, well, Incriminating to the FBI as far as something bad about rush to get that he was like holding on to this is like That was one of the narratives the larger issue is if he had I don't think I think that's was the idea was Let me get ahead of this and see what the fuck they have right right, right? I don't know

But but the other issue is that if he had documents that are as secretive as they were saying, because there are certain documents that the President possesses that are so secretive, so it would be like the nuclear codes and stuff. If anybody had those, you'd be in jail now. That's a problem, but also that a lot, like they had a former person who was in,

I forget, maybe Bush's cabinet or Bill Clinton's was in Clinton on a Trump family because the way this works, our presidents, they can declassify certain documents and take them with them. And he was just so people know how this works. He's like, it's pretty stupid than they've been put out there. If you think when Donald Trump was leaving the White House, the Oval Office, if you think he was grabbing documents to put him in, no, he has a staff that does it, and they're not gonna be like, oh, let's make sure

we put this, that's not document. No, so it's a staff that put all the documents and declassified them, and also before the president can leave, one thing that many presidents do is they declassify certain documents, and they have to get approval. So he took the deep classified documents, which tons of friends have done.

But they're trying to make seem like, oh, he took ones that weren't declassified. And this is compromised. He wasn't reading the documents. He doesn't work like that. He doesn't work like that. He doesn't work like that. But also, this same gentleman was like,

he also done have that power access. So, and they know that. That's what's strange about all this. Like, it's not like he's hiding the new color. And the standard, the standard which it creates, because like, okay, now you're going to have to prove that, right? If you're going to have to, you would have to prove. They're not guessing. I see, I don't think they have to prove. But wait, when you, when you issue a search warrant, when you issue a search warrant.

I mean, to indict,'s move further with the prosecutor. When you issue a search warrant, you, especially one of this high profile, almost always, you have done your homework as the feds to say, this is going to result in some kind of an indictment or we are going to justify this warrant. We have to justify it to a judge, though. Right, but we have a judge. We have a problem, I know Right. We have a, but we have a judge, we have a

problem. I know. We have a probable, we have probable cause and we have evidence that says criminal behavior was going on. Now the goal in my opinion, and I think it, I think Republicans and Democrats want him off the ticket. I think Republicans want him off the ticket because he's a mob boss and they have to, they have to, they have to kiss the ring. Every every one of them every single one of them and I think republicans and democrats would have a very strong interest in getting that guy the fuck off the ticket get him and die and they're trying everything and they're trying everything to this back did they yeah but they want to santa's republican republicans want to go to santa's yes yeah yeah yeah we do and so to why yes anyway but the the problem there is what they don't realize,

and a lot of people have said this, they go, Trump was kinda like in the middle, he was maybe gonna throw his support for a desantis or a dude in South Carolina, whatever. He was, but now that they did this, they've lit the fire. So he's the crackin'. The crackin'.

Oh, I was gonna be cool. Now that you've embarrassed me, well now the only reason I'm running is because I have deep hatred and vengeance. And now not only am I gonna run and win, because who's gonna beat him? Who's gonna beat him? Go, I'd love to hear about him.

I'm a hairstyre. Yeah, is it, because everyone loves her. They love him. The most disliked vice president ready of all time. Now, on, so you're gonna have her as your main front runner and Pete Buttigieg, who I think is brilliant. He's not a leader. No, no, no, no, no. America, he was a transportation bubble. But, you know, so you're gonna have those two take on Trump,

and trouble's gonna be cool, but you morons. You've riled up the fucking beast. He spoke the better. The comb over. This bear has a has a comb over and he has and he's a horrible spray tent and bat and nuts undersize you fired that fucking eagle main act up and man did you fuck up because you know he's coming you know what he lives for only goal is to ruin you guys his his his not the united states his favorite thing is revenge his favorite thing and it's not good as a president

It's not good because he doesn't care about the you know all the shit He his sole purpose now for the next for you is to ruin you guys and he's gonna open up on these FBI rates on you And then it's this tiktok for tax game and it's a disaster for all of us. Oh my god. How do you guys not oversee this? I agree you guys are supposed to be. You fucking morons. You're dealing I think the guy who brights himself a vengeance. I think it's actually a I think not to be a conspiracy theorist I think it's a Republican slash Democrat plot. I think they're they're all in on it. They're all I get this fucking All of it is now you fired them up man, and now he has a purpose. He's so happy.

Well, for him, man, that president gig is terrible. But he's like, that's terrible. I will eat all the crow just to make sure that I come back and do the exact same thing to them. You fucking wants. Know what game you're playing to. Yeah. There's nothing like I want more than to get back at you now.

That's right. And it's not good for left. It's not good for the right. It's not good for any of us. He's going to get back at you now. And it's not good for left, it's not good for the right, it's not good for any of us. He's gonna come with fucking furious anger and vengeance. And it's gonna be fun to watch, but America's gonna be on fire. It's so interesting.

The border beach closed though. So the border will be closed. The border will be closed. And it interesting though. Yeah. How do you guess that? I know this, I'm an idiot. I know that guess that? I know this. I'm gonna hit it I know that's right. I know this I know that like I don't follow politics about I'm like I'm looking at it going

I wouldn't do this why do you guys? I mean, I mean let's just real criminal You guys have political The poly degrees from harford. Yeah, I want to see I really want to see what what's going on I want to see what the fuck is really going on with these these things With this affidavit. Here's my thing. I want to see what the fuck is really going on with these things. With this affidavit. Here's my other thing. Hold on. Let me get this straight.

You're going to raid a former president's house, but you're not going to raid Hunter Biden's house? Like, do both of them. If you're going to do it, do both of them. At least America's like, that makes sense. You don't want to double stand. You don't want to double standstay on that. You don't want to double-stay on that. No, but if anything you should have rated a hundred Biden's house first. This guy's this insane liability. We know he's inclusion with Russian China. We know for a fact.

Yeah. His laptop, he's throwing dick pics out and doing math like, we can't have this. Yeah. Like right here. Well, I think the biggest thing was that they fucking basically said something to the effect of all those intelligence figures came out and said there's nothing to see here when it came to the Hunter Biden laptop. And that was before the election. That's the problem. That's the problem. But there are a lot of people that hate Trump that much who think he's that much of a

danger. And they're conservatives. There are a lot of conservatives who like my own dad don't talk to him about Trump He can't stand the fucking guy my dad's a Republican. He's a he's basically a pro-choice Republican But he's fucking conservative. He's a libertarian, but he he he'll give you a thousand reasons why Trump is the enemy But so so anyway blah blah blah. All right But man my man have they made they've made a mess made a mess you'll riled up like the fucking guy They're all he cares about is getting back.

And he's gonna, he's gonna uncover every rock on this fucking continent. To make sure he gets his vengeance. Correct. You guys royally, if you actually hate him, you should have done the exact opposite. Feed as he goes. Like, yeah, I'm working.

Thank you so much for all your help. Yeah. You killed him with kindness. You're like, all right, my work here is done. My work here. Bend the knee until 2024 and get somebody else in there but you didn't do that. Mm-hmm.

God, they fucked up. And it's from the side, it's fun to watch. Because I like chaos, okay? As do I. Yeah. I'm even Hollywood doing protests. I'm not down there, okay? Mm-hmm.

I get my knife and porks out. Finish to editing my special last night. That's what I'm feeling. Yeah. Feels good doing a cover art. It's a sigh of relief, right? Yeah, it's sigh of relief. But then the anxiety picks up when you drop it.

Yeah. I got to drop it and I'll drop it soon. But then I also want to do, I'm already ready my next, I'm gonna release a half hour next time. I'm gonna do a half hour next time. How long is this one? 45 minutes.

That's fine. Yeah. You have clips and stuff? I'm gonna bring it up. I'm gonna release it on Thursday. Okay. Next Thursday. Yeah.

I think is that September 1st? I think it is. Yeah. I'd really say September 1st. All right. Because you and I will be in Austin September 3rd Doing things

Don't worry about it. Hey, let's do some current events But let's make sure I was listening to our show. I don't know if I told you this Mm-hmm, and we don't describe what people are seeing I didn't like listening to it. So now we're gonna describe what the fuck is on the screen Because most people are listening to this podcast. So we apologize for that. I didn't like that section. We tried before but I know I was like this is not fun listening right now because we're just talking for coming. You know we were doing we're going oh neat cool. Haha. We assume they're watching. I mean that's a king's thing. Yeah, that's a visual show. So anyone will describe. Chin you describe it.

All right. This is a couple at a Oakland A's game, and they're being, oh, they're being sought after by the police because they did a sexual act here on the very top of the bleachers, and someone filmed it. I'll show you real quick. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no and there's a slow game and there's nobody in the very slow game. Nobody in the stands. There's a girl in the top stand. And there's a girl and with her boyfriend,

maybe they just met and they're both A.E.'s fans, they're big Mark McGuire fans back in the day, they're the Batch Brother fans. And what she's doing is she decided to go, I want a hot dog in my mouth and went, well the line's so far and it looks long, I have a flesh hot dog. You can't eat it.

And she went, you can't bite it, we can suck on it. If you know what, if that sounds delicious, and there's gonna be no mustard on it. She's scarfing down in this video, a flesh hot dog. Does it look like her hands are flesh glizzy? Does it look like her hands are behind her back there? Like she's under arrest? No, not at all.

It looks like she's got. It looks like her hands are on that pipe, son. Okay. I had a, she's scarfen down to pipe son, okay? I had a she's scar for down a glizzy kids I had a girl one time. Hope that helps the audible listeners. I had a girl one time Do go down and do that and she put her hands behind her back like she was under arrest Oh, well, that's that's like that'd be a red flag right? I was like your boyfriend did some stuff. Yeah, I was like, yeah. But that looks like her hands are behind her back. I mean, it's not so far away.

I know her hands are on that glizzy. Boy, that's a UFO picture. It's so blurry. That's fucking UFO quality shit. But also, those games, I mean, yeah, dude, this camera's everywhere, what are you thinking? I mean, we know you're in the, and when I say they're in the $25 rock pile seats.

Yeah, they sure are. But that's the point. I'm in the rock pile and that boy is rock hard. The point is, and he's just looking off. He's enjoying the game. He's like, there's nothing to see here. Is that a bird? It's bottom of the fucking six and who gives a shit?

They play 9,000 games. They're protesting that the A's are losing. I'm gonna suck his dick. Yeah, anyway, congratulations. But they got arrested? No, they're trying to find them. I'm sure we can't even see what they look like. Like grainy videos, maybe, that might be bigfoot.

I guarantee every cop who gets that as a file, they're like, can you put that at the very bottom? Can you put that in my drawer that I'm never gonna be good with? We don't have real murders, you're so soft. Hey, were you blowing this guy? Yeah, let us take all our resources in Oakland, California, who don't have enough issues Oh my god and figure out who this guy is getting his dick sucked at the A's game

Correct. All right, so Anthony Fauci he will be leaving his position this December Somebody says something so we're looking at picture of Fauci here, and he's 90 years old. Yes, and he is he is now Retiring somebody says something about you something else Jay here, and he's 90 years old. Yes, and he is, he is now retiring. Somebody says something about you. Do something else. Somebody says something interesting. Yeah, a vouchee for 50 years, because of the positions he was in, has had people kissing his ass for money coming up to him

and kissing his ass for money for literally 40 years. At least 30. I mean, do you have funding into, oh, check him out. Yeah, we have some devil. Yeah, he was a runner. He never stopped, He runs every day. And they said, tiny little guy runs. With a mask, no.

Yes. And they said, it's hard for it not to go to your head when people are coming in kissing your ring and begging for money and you're in the power to do it. So that was an interesting idea. So what's the point there? The point is that if he seems a little arrogant, it might be the job.

I never got arrogance. I got a guy who was overly cautious and believed in what he was doing. I don't agree. I think it was way, it was overkill, but he seemed very overly cautious. A lot of people thought he was like this. Yeah, when you were friend of yourself

and the third person, pretty arrogant. Oh, I never saw him do that. He's like, listen, Anthony Fau it. Yeah, when you were friend of yourself and the third person, pretty arrogant. Oh, I never saw him. Yeah, he's like, listen, Anthony Fauci. Yeah. Oh. I do think he's arrogant. I do think that it's, made a ton of mistakes. Made a ton of mistakes.

The power went to his head. And you know, he's had this historic career. I'm for you. I think now he's more known for mistakes than anything. But maybe that's just the algorithm I'm getting on my news. Yeah, I ain that's the truth Who the fuck knows now guys gonna have to have security for rest of his life. Yeah, yeah, tough gate

What is this? Alright, so this is a girl went missing about two weeks ago and it was at a campsite in Tahoe somewhere So the police tried for two weeks trying to find this girl and any kind of like in the water though Yeah in the water like everywhere they, in the water, like everywhere. They had stone on all that stuff. So they weren't able to find it, but then there's YouTube, YouTuber, YouTube being two YouTubers. Thank you very much.

Just two YouTube. Same YouTube channel. They're professional divers. They did it within 48 hours, they found her. They found her. Oh man. What happened? Did she go first time?

They still don't know exactly, but it seems like she just, she made the wrong turn went into a ramp And went into the water and flipped Mmm. Oh man. Yeah, she was I think 16 years old Jesus Yeah, fuck dude those youtubers though, you know the The actual like officials are probably pretty embarrassed to they are tubers are like founder That's how they do it. They're they're they're they're they

They know they've done with that with video and stuff that way they can look at exactly where you are. Yeah, they all talk to Each other and they figure out the coordinates the where the sun is all that if you seen that there was another thing where they found they did the Same thing but with this one they did because you know like boats have so-and-ars that they said they had the same type of equipment The police had but they're just they knew how to manipulate the system to where they could find it better They also probably know that like, you know, they're professional divers. Yeah, they're it's what they specialize in Yeah, they found like a bunch of people too. Oh, they found more than one. Yeah, they're known for finding Oh, I might like my boy my boy AG who owns to hold that my partner. How many people on Toho?

Just me and he's trumpet. And he's the founder. Yeah, no, no, he's the founder. Oh, okay. And he's a professional diver. He's a serious diver. And he was diving in fucking Lake Mead, you know, where all those bodies were washing up,

like the mafia bodies, like they were in drums. And he was diving and he, they saw a brand new Tahoe like a brand new the new papers in it never and he was like either somebody was killed or they they fucking put it in there as an insurance scam sure and then they pulled it up they actually I think they pulled it out and it was brand new and which is a beast beast to do. And it ended up being like, it literally ended up being not a mystery. It ended up being like, apparently it rolled into the water and fell off a cliff or something because they didn't put it in.

But it's brand new fucking Tahoe that nobody reported. They were like, oops, nothing to see here. One chance. Yeah. Hmm. And no, what they think is, what they think- Please lie to me.

Is that the person? No, no, no. No, no, no, no, what they think was that they that first they thought it was a murder Yeah, but then they that what they think happened was the campers had their truck there the truck rolled without them knowing and they thought it got stolen Yeah, they're walking clip and went into the water some shit, so I'll get their whole story Maybe I'm making all that out, But the point is that they saw that Okay, this is a crazy video. You get the details, then don't call me please. Yeah, I know it's just it's just in I thought you're gonna say in Jimmy hop. Oh, he's none of he so they hire him to go find box. Yeah, he's pulled out a lot of I was the fuck was the on this one. Yeah, I know that's why I was thinking about it But they've hired him. He that's one of the things you do. What else you got you?

All right, this isn't it's like a New York this woman was outside on the phone on her cell phone and then this crazy Fox with rabies Attack her. Oh I don't think there's audio. Oh, so rabies make these actually make yeah, they make them crazy. See see this here I feel like you could pick him up and this this. This is the last thing you expect. Yeah. This is the last thing you fucking expect. Just raising, by turning the leg. So she kicks it away, he keeps coming back.

And now it's on her hand too. Oh, and it keeps coming back. She kicks it. She's fighting, she's got a really good fight. She's got that thing in the fucking face. That last thing you think, what if it was like a liar? I'm still going.

I ought to kill you. Oh, he was the fucking wolf. Oh my God, you're good. And it grabs her hand again. This is oh So he's fucking her they can do whatever they want with their mouth. Just spike him on the fucking that's a neighbor coming out to help They were so crazy how the things kept very good shape for the viewer for the audible listen the the listeners the the neighbors in insane shape Okay, I'm Come out there. In a donus. No.

So a fox just keeps attacking this woman. Yeah. And she's kicking it. She's an old woman. And then I really got a picture of her hand. And now we're looking at her picture of her hand. Oh yeah. Not bad.

No, but that's, but that's. They looked a lot worse, didn't it? No, that. No, that. They looked a lot worse. Hey. Not bad. I thought it was going to be like, hey, really gone. They. For the audio listeners, few scratches. Yeah, but you know what?

That hurts like a motherfucker. The dead fox comes up, bites you and holds on your calf. Bites you again on the calf. Just to see if you can hold on. Then bites your hand and holds on your hand. It just keeps you from wanting to. What you want to do is hold it down with your hand down and kneel on it and squash its fucking head.

That's how you do it. Yeah, look, look. Yeah, we are. You got a kneel on his it. Yeah, look, look, look, yeah, we are, you got a needle on his neck. Fox, Fox, look, your mother fucker, don't pull away. Just go here. Neat. No, no, this is what I would do. Yep, ground pound right, all that effort in your small and frail. Yeah, you're like Fauci, right? So, yep, I'm not Fauci. So I'm take cruise,

right? So I take this, he's a tank cruise. Yeahs, right? So I take this, he's big and brilliant. So I would, my hands like this, and my god, this is terrible, in the concrete. That's a fox. It's a fox, I don't know what. Boom! Okay. I killed him.

I killed him holding on to her hand. Don't care, that would kill him. I don't know because he's holding on to your hand, Bob. And then what I do, okay, still on there. He makes your hand. After I, I don't give a fuck. He ain't letting go. Two scratches, that old thing.

You lose a lot of it. so he's like this right? I ground by the tail and I just slowly stretch him out really yep until I rip his fucking tail up But he's holding on your head don't care dude. They're your two didn't fix our hurts. It's not crocodile just stupid Fock your foxes. What it's a cat basically. It's a cat dog. Hold on. It's cat dog. It's cat dog cat dog And the stupid you've been bit by cat hold on. It's cat dog. It's cat dog. And the stupid. You're being bit by cat. It does nothing. Yeah. The stupid.

Did we lose a house cat? The stupid. They bite you like, what are you doing? There's a whole Netflix show on cats. Guess who didn't watch it. This guy. Well, have you seen the documentary Don't Fuck With Cats? Yes.

That's very different. That is so dark. It's so dark I can't take it. It's so good though. Where are we gonna say Mark? I don't know. Just say call the totaction about cats. Oh. Like mock outrage. Man, rabies, so rabies makes these boys wow. Yeah. Rabies trying to kill them.

rabies makes these boys wow. This video I think we saw before, but there's a bobcat that also had rabies. God! Now bobcat, we got problem. Now we got problems. They say rabies is the best salts of the animal world. Yeah, it is. Where's the? If you have rabies, check it out. If you have rabies, you will, you will fucking basically you don't know go crazy near water. It makes you afraid of water. Isn't that weird who says that's that's a fact that's caught you have water Phobia and you will freak out see the bug this bug

Bobcat's a bomb I would be screaming like this. He just remember this one That's what he did your technique running. No, no, he taught. He's taught. You got to slam it. He's got a gun there too. Oh, shoot that fucker. It's going to be tough to shoot him though. Unless you hold him and shoot him right in the stomach. Hey, look, neck.

I showed you the video of my buddy fighting a raccoon in his own house and he shoots it. Did I show you that? Was it a rabid raccoon? The raccoon was in his house. His dog's gone crazy and my buddy's fighting it. He finally shoots it right in his own living room. Did you you that? Was it a rabid raccoon? The raccoon was in his house, his dog's gone crazy, and my buddy's fighting it. He finally shoots it, right in his own living room. Did you see that?

No. Oh, dude, see that's the content I'm in for. So, your buddy diving into the lake and finding a new Chevy, not fun, right? Your buddy grabbing a raccoon, shooting him fun, right? That's true. That was boring, wasn't it? Oh, it was horrible.

Oh, man. Oh, let me see Dave Portino and fucking Jason Whitlock. They wasn't it? Oh, it was horrible. Oh, man. Oh, let me see Dave Portnoy and fucking Jason Whitlock. They go at it. Oh, fuck. I feel like they're on the same team. Depending what it is. So right now we're looking at a tweet. It says, Dave Portnoy, L. President, is a fraud.

Oh, so this is Jason Whitlock, saying this. This is Jason Whitlock's tweet. He put, Dave Portnoy, L. President, is a fraud. He has no redeeming qualities other than his wealth, remove his money, he wouldn't have a friend in this world. If we weren't living in an air-complete hostile masculinity, Portnoy would be broke and Boston delivered pizza. Okay, and then what's Dave's saying?

And why do you go after him? Portnoy, L. Presidente is a fraud. Also, I'm just basically what he said. But also, Whitlock is kind of like, like he likes the drama. That's what they do. So then Dave just basically what he said. So this, but also Whitlock is kind of like, like he likes the drama. That's what they do. So then Dave Hornage's like, but he's fat.

Cause, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, around for Portland. That's a 10-8 round. It is. I actually just didn't use any specifics. It took all my, the wind out of my fucking, I'm getting a lot of dumb spots, but this might be the bedermost. Do you think I'm chasing the approval of knockoff Portonoy? You ain't that stupid, are you? My actions speak pretty loud.

I'm in a lot of dumbness, but this might be dumb. You're a far bigger sellout than Portonoy. I got built to toxic, fried boy culture of sexual harassment, barstable. Wait, hold on. You're an incredible, and you're formerly an incredible talent has just been completely wasted. It's sad. Hold on. So, but he goes, you're looking, he goes, you're looking for approval of Clay Travis.

And he goes, you think I'm chasing approval and knock off a port noise? I didn't know. So Jason, Jason Whitlock and just for the listeners Jason Whitlock and And Clay Travis used to be partners. Uh-huh. He used to be have a show together. I like Clay Travis a lot I know Jason Whitlock. I've met him a couple times and he seems like a great guy He's a smart guy. I mean some of his dates are terrible though. I like his I don't know him I only say I like him. Why do you go bad on Portanoid? Why why I don't know? But it's weird he went bad on Clay Travis there too. He gives a knockoff of Portanoia if he

I'm trying to get that approval. It's like, oh wow, there's issues with Clay Travis. Wait, let me go back to that. Let me see what he actually meant. Still chasing the approval of, oh, no, because Jimmy Lemke said this. He said, no, no, no. Jimmy Lemke tweeted two chasing with lock.

Still chasing the approval of Clay Travis, eh? You're a far bigger sellout than Portanoia. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, oh, whoa. Of a knock off of Port Nou meaning clay Travis. Yeah, that's weird. So it's a little shady place. I don't get that. I don't get this stuff. You have a business on that outkick coverage and used to be on there all the time,

apparently he's on his own. I don't get this as men. I don't get when men do this to each other. I don't get. Oh, bitch shit. I don't get it. Cloud chasing, like starting dramas. Yeah, I don't get it. Oh, bitch shit. I don't get it. Cloud chasing, like, starting dramas. Yeah, I don't get it.

You're too old. It's not my play-traffic. Like, I'm sorry if I'm Jason Whitlock, like, he's not been mentioned on this show. So you go after Port Norway, go after play-traffic, like, you get headlines. People that do that, like that whole dramatic thing and beast thing create drama,

they don't have any other talent. Like Like they've run out of ways to get ratings And so it's a way to make sure you're getting likes and clicks and I can't entertain it. I like it to be honest Sometimes I'm like I wish I was more like that. I can't do it. Yeah, it doesn't make sense Who is Jason? We look he's a good question. He will he was a comment He was on he was on Fox for a long time. He was on Fox Sports. He knows sports really well. He's you'll see him on Fox. He's kind of a conservative for like the better one. No, but not really. I'll tell you he's conservative. Yeah. He's very smart when comes to sports and like. And he has some good taste on like LeBron and Kevin Durant stuff like that. He was a he was a source for on out kick. He was, you know, he was good on there. I don't know what's going on.

Why don't I want a national journalism award? Let me see. In June, Jason Willock officially partnered alongside Drake Clay Travis at Outkick. And then, wow, just a year later, he announced with Lux Departure, Willock's main response was, do you not believe anything,

Rentner said about me, let's say I say it, all else is fake news. Once later, he gave an review to front-off sports when she said it was a bad business deal, a byproduct of my failure to properly vet my business partners. Wow, so yeah, he had an issue. I don't know. When you see guys coming after a partner like that

and there's not really any specific accusation, it's just like what you've done is bad. So my thing about that is there are so many other people to go bad on. Over other than Dave Portnell. Yeah, but you're not going to get clicks. Yeah, I'm going to get featured on. We're not because it's like name. Yeah, what do you know my masculine thing that is not actually masculine? Right. He's presenting like what he does.

Peter reviews and he started a bar still sports, which provides a lot of entertainment. Yeah. Like what is it that you don't like? Yeah Well, though he's a frappler. Yeah, smart Yeah, you know me frappler is on this world worth eight is gonna be worth about eight hundred and a hundred dollars Yeah, and he put that all together and why why are you upset? Yeah, he created a service people wanted to buy you know He created a community and there's only the only reason why Whitlock has Porto's name in his mouth because Porto is successful. You're not going after someone who's not successful.

No, Porto, I didn't go after him. Yeah, but also let's say this, bar school sports didn't become popular because it's showvinistic and it became popular because it's funny, because dudes were able to laugh about shit on it. And a lot of the stuff was legitimately funny. You know what I'm saying? So I also had this girls on there. And a lot of the stuff was legitimately funny. You know what I'm saying?

So I also had this girls on there. I mean, like, of course it's hot. It's hot girls. Like entertaining girls too. He's just going. Beautiful women and comedy. Yeah. Okay.

Sue me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some of it might have been show vanistik. Some of it might have been misogynistik. You know, you don't have to watch it, right? You know what's that like on mainstream TV? But also some of those like the girls doing it. It's like, yeah, it's edgy girl stuff.

Dude, they're talking about blown dudes. Do you know how many comedians? How many comedians? How many female comedians talk about their vagina and fucking dudes? I mean, it's also poor. So toxic. Portany also launched collar daddy, which is literally the biggest female show in the world. Thank you. That was all his doing. Thank you. Yeah, it undermines the argument, you know, that it's like show venistic or something. It's just that. That doesn't make sense. I mean, I did just, there's a reason to come after him.

He's very successful. You're not coming after, guys, not doing anything. He's just fine. That's so funny, you're fat. Oh, God. Such a cool. This is a great commercial. I haven't seen it.

So this is a commercial in Russian, okay? In Russian? Guys in bed with a girl. Is there audio in this or no? Guys in bed with a girl doesn't know how to explain. He's in bed with a girl. She's like, hmm, she's watching him get chained. Rest. He's, he's, it's in the morning time. He's going to leave. He's putting his shirt on. She goes, what's your name anyway? And he just looks at her. He doesn't answer. He goes, would you like to stay for breakfast? And he still doesn't say anything. All of a sudden

he gets to know a wheelchair. You see him in a wheelchair. He just finished seven sex. Now there's a guy at the door. It's his, her husband. He's standing there with his bags. He drops his bag. This little guy looks at him. In the wheelchair, Pat's the husband on their arm.

And then you see the husband. You see the girl kind of shrug her shoulders. She just got caught cheating. And this guy goes, what if I took your place? In the wheelchair, he looks at the camera and basically says, do not park him, disabled. Oh. Oh.

What if I took your place? Yeah. He said he was having sex and he goes, don't park him, disabled in handicaps. Oh, we're like never thought of that. That's a flour, that's a Russian ad. Pretty fun. That is funny.

All right. Marcus? My sentence to life, abusing his steps on Jesus Christ. Florida man who was nabbed for horrifically abusing his steps on, thanks to a fast-acting waitress has been sentenced to life in prison. Timothy Lee Wilson was found guilty of false imprisonment aggravated child abuse and child neglect in June. When a server at a Mrs. Potato restaurant in Orlando, notice that he didn't order the boy food under your day and that child was covered with scratches. So Carvalho quickly wrote a note reading, do you need help? And

flashed it to the then 11 year old victim while standing behind his oblivious parents? We see the note there. Do you need help? With an okay, and we see the picture the guy who did it man. I would have been suspicious just based on his watch what happens Him and jail you fucking piece of shit. I got an 11 year old. I fucking cut that guy's head off The boy nodded at the police Jesus Christ poor boy head off. The boy nodded at the police, Jesus Christ. Poor boy. I'm super concerned. And I don't know what to do. Can you give me some advice? Carvalho asked a dispatcher and the best of the good for him.

Investigation found that the child had been subjected to torture and neglect by Wilson and his mother. It's always great when people take action. Here's a lot of stories like this. Hey, scum bag that you know, this is a piece of shit man God that poor kid man that's waitress shout out that fucking way God bless that was always that kid is living a life of fucking hell man Flaviana Carvalo wow God damn superhero God damn it Jesus Christ. Give us a hey man my my boy is long files and he had a he had a face on his arm and he got the dog from Rocky

tattooed over it. Damn, he loved her man. He loved her. 25 years. Form a model 54. She's a great, she's a great woman man. That gorgeous daughter. Yeah. That family. I love their daughters. That family is such a great family. 25 year marriage. Fuck. Yeah, she filed. She's 54. She looks incredible. Yeah, amazing. Keep scrolling down, Jen. Yeah.

She's also a class. I grew up on a farm. Keep scrolling down, Jen. So we can see the tattoo. Oh, tattoo. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you got to cover it up.

Fuck, dude. Yeah, that's I got it covered up That's tough at his age Oh look at these youngsters God he was he's looked straight from Tango and cash in that yeah Fuck man that bums me out. Yeah, I'm alright. Yeah, he's just he's Did you see that he's he's his daughters are doing a podcast in the old? Get you they are How do you guys know that? I didn't know that.

How long I know that? I love those daughters. Yes, that's right. Yeah, they do our exact studio. They're like, do you want to take it down? Like, no, who's coming in? Like, stone sisters. Like, let me have all of it.

I didn't take any of it. I left everything. Let's go to Happy Owens here. Okay. I don't know which one. This one. I love you, I guess Jason Sadek has served her papers while she was on stage. She was on stage. And so this is just her commentary on it that it was calculated and vindictive and petty

and it was very upsetting to her, but ultimately that impacted everyone around her. And she can deal with that. But she got to bring everyone else into it, right? I agree with that, man. Kids are eight and five. Yeah, it's tough. Wow.

Did I see her movie? Which one? I believe it's called Booksmart. Oh, yeah, with the two kids. Yeah. I tried to watch on them playing up for me. I really enjoyed it. I'm too old. Oh. So here's a little a little you know I know we love sharks on this show so this scuba diver gives it

Wow that's a huge challenge too uh prevent a shark attack when a shark's coming towards you you'd actually want to do is not splash turn around face the animal and maintain eye contact you want to act like a predator he says you can place your hand on the top of her head, push down gently, and that will redirect them away from you. I'm not buying this at all. So in the video, yeah, you see her stop turn around, and the shark does stop swimming towards her,

because I guess it's, you know, it tricks the shark into thinking, oh, this is some sort of confrontation. I'm not a prey that's running away from me, but she puts her hand right on the sharks nose and can kind of push it in a different direction. Now we know we've worked for great lights too or you would assume. It does not work with great whites and there's a video of a guy trying to put a great white and tonic and it didn't work out. When I was in Bora Bora

there was a whole thing where they were talking about how in Bora Bora and they say, all there are black tip sharks. Problem was that a tiger shark, a huge tiger shark, found its way in to the bay. To eat the black tip, sorry. And it was literally right out. I didn't see it, but it was right outside our Hotel yeah, right outside are black the terms and I and the reason I know that is I talked to the guy who was on the Jetsky and he was driving around and I was like why is he driving around what the fuck is going on and

I My I didn't but somebody was, we were there was said, oh, I, I talked to the guy because it made no sense. He's trying to scare the entire room. So they, they, they, they patrol that area. To make sure when the tiger shark is there. Uh, really? Not, yeah, yeah.

It really, so they keep it real. Hush, uh, real, uh, tiger shark. Yeah. Then I talked to the oceanographer there and they were like, yeah, it's very rare and also they're not going to bite you around here. That's not true though. Yeah, another just trying to make sure that they do. were like yeah, it's very rare and also they're not gonna bite you Around here, so I'm not sure though. Yeah, no, there's trying to kill they do Well, no, that's not at all so right there right in there right among those huts there. There was a giant pretty easy to see To see too. Oh, you see them. You see everything. Yeah, you see everything. I love it. I don't worry about it, man

Okay, right there and we're all swimming you swim right off your hotel Is there bathrooms in there, Brian? Yeah. Yeah, you shitting the water. Oh, no, there's a lot of them. Oh, those hotel, no, those hotel, those, those cabinets are first class. Look inside of them. There is nice as any suite you'll ever be in. Any suite.

Interesting. They're sick. No, that's the four seasons. That's the best hotel. And there's, yeah, there's bathrooms. You have tubs, jacuzzi's in there. It's, I mean, it's fucking the best, most comfortable, kinked-sized beds.

I mean, it's unbelievable. Couch, kitchen, everything. Yeah, yeah. Don't let the fat, it's crazy. Don't let that surprise you. Don't let that surprise you. There's a cord. That place is unbelievable.

All right, Mark. The last one I had here, it shows a, it's one of these cases where you go protect yourself at all times. This guy is in the box room and it's called the sucker punch, but they're saying he, he touched gloves as a distraction to then hit the guy. But technically they're, they're in the fight. The referee had okayed them to go back and then there's some of these examples of other kinds of sucker punches.

So he just, just did not down the touch gloves immediately hits he just fall straight back port sportsmanship i mean definitely not acceptable mma or boxing boom yeah he knows that's a sucker and they're saying in comparison everyone fluid may whether diversion event

to work uh... they're saying he didn't flood and initiate the glove touch. The other guy did. Yeah. Right. If you want to do that, I'm gonna touch you. Yeah. Yeah. This guy didn't issue glove touch. No. Yeah. Yeah. That's not cool. I'm sure

that I can do anything. He doesn't get time for that or anything. I don't think so. What are you gonna do? That it's a lot. It's the clock was running. What are you gonna do? I mean. Yeah. That guy is a piece of shit. Man. What a fuck. He's like I just want. That guy's a piece of shit. Man, what a, that, that, that, that, that, Fuck, he's like, I just want to move on.

Yeah, I'm gonna just block him. I'm gonna knock you out too, a boxer like that. Right. Well, yeah, that's a wide open shot. Victor Ortiz was a guy. Yeah, Victor Ortiz, yep. Yeah, man, but damn, that's dangerous too, huh? Fuck.

Yeah, it's boxing. Yeah. What a dick. Yeah, I mean, just a, that's never okay. Fuck. Well, there's never okay. Well, there's gonna be no soccer punches in Apple, 10 West, content.

Friday, I will be doing two sets at the Lafakken Chicago Get Your Tickets now that bitch will sell out. So you have one show at 7.30, one show at 9.30. And then it's just, there's other comics on the lineup, but I'm just closing the shows out with 30 minutes of standup. So that's one show at 731 show at 930,

the LaFact and Chicago go to LaFactery, Chicago for tickets. Tough Mudder is this Saturday, August 27th, Tough Mudder 11am heat, the thick mudder use code, team bread and for 10% off all things. LA Hollywood, Shobbon Friends is August 31st, that's a Wednesday, I think it's the eight o'clock show. Hollywood Improv, Shobben Friends, special guest.

And then back on the real tour, Appleton, West Constance, September 8th through the 10th, Ontario, California, Ontario Improv, September 15th, 17th, I end September in Boston, Laf Boston, September 29th through October 1st. Thickboy, merch drops Friday at 9 a.m. authentic NBA style. Thickboy Jersey, Thickboy shorts,

and we have these dope, Thickboy hats dropping as well. That's at 9a.m. at Thickboy.com. Get you some, man. Where can we be? Listen, buddy, I'll be in Raleigh, North Carolina, good night, September 8th, 9th, and 10th. Then I'll be in San Jose, California, and Props, September 15th, 16th, 17th, Spacan Washington,

Spacan Comedy Club, September 22nd, 24th. Best of dropping the Austin episode tomorrow, look for Best of, I'm excited. And I'll be dropping my podcast The Brian Kalenshow very soon. I even sang the intro music to it. So get ready for that shit, kids. All right, we'll see you soon. All right, kids, love you.

It's a fun kid, bro.