The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 850: John Crist Explains Why Brendan and Bryan Aren’t Getting Into Heaven
Episode Date: December 6, 2022Standup comedian John Crist stops by to discuss his strict upbringing, the insane pace of his first year in comedy, getting cancelled and going to rehab, how meaningful it was whe...n people stood by him during dark times, what the rules of good behavior are for a comic who performs in churches, etiquette for selfies with other comics, and why it's already too late for Brendan and Bryan to repent. Keeps - https://keeps.com/fighter DraftKings: If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/TN/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH/KS), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI /NJ/ NY/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. Void in ONT. $150 in Free bets: Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 pre-fight moneyline bet. $150 issued as six (6) $25 free bets that expire 7 days (168 hours) after being awarded. Bet must win. Stepped Up: Void in NJ. Valid 1 Profit Boost Token per customer. Token must be used on 3-leg same game parlay bet for UFC 282. Max. $50 bet. Token expires at the start of the main card fight and must be selected before placing bet. Profit boosted 50% on net winnings. Net winnings is the total payout less original bet amount. Profit Boost Tokens have no cash value and are valid only on DraftKings Sportsbook. Ends at the start of the main card fight of UFC 282. See eligibility & terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com/mmaterms.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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It's the fighter and the kid had to run it back cuz we back at it again Yeah, we go keep it moving like it's never gonna end when it was bringing when it was breaking
When it was just talking to friends we got the king calling on the left with the fighter on the right
Hey, how'd they do it right cuz we come in that you live Back with the team, I'd be keeping it OG Must see TV
I'm out of do it
Yes we did cause we back at it again
It's the fighter in the kit
It's the fighter in the kit
Back at it again
It's the fighter in the kit
It's the fighter in the kit
Back at it again
It's the fighter in the kit
It's the fighter in the kit
It's the fight it's the fight
it's the fight
this is really the fight in the kid we're out
john christ go go with the intro
john that we sent over john sir
the reason i don't i already know i don't think that's about you guys he's very
very funny.
And, but it's not him doing it.
It's Holy Ghost power.
That's what's working through.
Yeah.
It's his higher power.
That's still between us.
You have Jesus, I have Satan.
But you guys both, yeah.
No, you said when your son was having the seizures,
you were praying.
Oh, I pray.
Before fights I pray.
Who is that, is that Neil Brennan?
It has that joke.
It's like the most, to be an atheist is the most white privilege
One hundred percent you got something better than this I doubt
My joke by it. Well, not my joke again. Not my joke. I don't say the third time
I don't know my joke now my joke. You got something better than this. Yeah, I doubt it
He's so funny, buddy.
Yeah, I, I, I,
No, this is going real well from now on out.
I did, I was thinking about Dr.
A lot of people that I know that are really arrogant atheists
are kind of very cushy lies.
Yes, I'm doing well.
Well, that, that, that,
It's really been,
Well, that's my theory on people that are like,
we're in a simulation,
like really,
Grassley,
making hamburgers at Burger King.
It's a very simulation Simulation well five kids
Where is simulation won't get me out of it even a simulation?
Rich people say yeah, but someone's got to be controlling a simulation
So for me like a simulation doesn't really preclude God
Yeah, somebody just mean it might just mean it's more knowledge will figure out
But it's still to be closer to the idea of somebody created all that you've never heard a broke person like dying that hill
Like this is simulation.
It's always like Elon Musk.
Yeah.
Well, these are like,
these super-experienced people.
Country music.
Country music is like very like white.
Like,
Religious too.
Yeah, and it goes like one of the best country songs is,
everybody wanna go to heaven,
but nobody wanna go now.
Meaning like,
but then you remember like the black gospel songs are always like,
when we get there, when we get there.
So like this, this is not good.
Yeah, but yes, because they were, when there were slaves and they were singing these songs,
it's like, this is horrible, but we have hope in.
Yeah, but we know in the future.
And countries like, we'll get there.
Yeah, they're like, it's right right now.
It's right right now.
We're doing pretty good.
It's right now, hold on.
It's really good for a man.
It's something about getting older
is humbling in a way too.
Going through shit.
And I think that, I think it's interesting too,
that most of the atheists I know are super into longevity.
Like everybody wants to live forever. that most of the atheists I know are super into longevity.
Like everybody wants to live forever.
But bro, people are doing all kinds of stuff.
Like they just turn their body into a pharmacy
and I'm sure there are drugs, but let me tell you,
it's still gonna be a losing battle.
Father Tom, father Tom.
On defeat.
He's 10-8 round.
Oh, dude, you might live.
You might be a hundred ten.
Don't have 10, sit.
Remember, like, you might live. You might be a hundred and ten. A hundred and ten. A hundred and ten. Remember, like, 90 and then a hundred and a hundred and ten.
That's not a great talent.
But also, you know, not the Indian A.
With children?
What's that?
Do you know any A. F.S. with children?
Not many.
Well, that'll open your eyes real.
That's tough.
I mean, there are, there are.
But I know what you mean.
I'm saying like, it's hard to change.
It's hard to change.
There are, but kids have changed.
Yeah. Well, remember 9-11, like 9-12, everybody was like, God. But I know you I'm saying like I can't change their are but kids are changing.
Remember 9-11 like 9-12 everybody was like
God what year?
2001 so that's that guy everybody was like
I mean to that hold on hold on for a year
You American bro. That's a joke that's that's true
Zach was at a he's doing red carpet and it was on 9-11
like year and they go when you think of 9-11,
what do you think of him?
He is, what year?
Great job.
So many great job.
Everyone else has laughing,
the lady was not laughing at this, but yeah.
But everybody was, you gotta,
with that amount, you saw it, right?
Cause it's in another country or sometimes,
but we saw it.
Yeah.
And we go, people jumping out of the, and you go,
there's got to be something else.
Everybody's praying.
Well, what I, what I did, you know what I did?
Well, I've never forgot when I saw the tower coming down
from the phone with Patty Jenkins.
And the second time.
When what's in there, the comic.
What's that?
The comic that was in there.
Oh, that's sorry.
Steve, right, he's the only one.
And Steve never bounced back from that.
He didn't?
No, man. I like Steve. I like Steve too. Steve, like back from that. He didn't?
No, man.
I like Steve.
I like Steve too.
Steve like one of the nice guys in the world.
I don't know, the mistake.
Yeah, man.
The mistake.
He got caught in that lie and then he was like, I don't want to be the guy who just made
up a story and then he had to run with it.
That one was bad because he made him a state and then when he messed with like American and
9-11 like terrorism, they would rather you just call you a war-property.
But he never, I don't think he's ever ever I don't even think he's doing the road anymore
See this yeah because I when I was in Milwaukee doing that theater out there and he and he was doing a show
That's so funny because we all like we kind of know each other like like
In like we all kind of know of each other's career like secondarily.
For sure.
All right, so he's here, he'll be okay, good.
Yeah, nice, nice.
Nice to meet you.
I'm glad to see you.
I'm glad to see you.
I'm sure his Annie's weekend.
Yeah.
But remember, at that time, he was on the show.
He paid his price in 2015.
Yeah, he's been, yeah.
He was on that show.
Where was that show?
He was a huge show.
Oh, that's not.
No, no, I was called that.
Steve Burm.
The league. The league. The league, no, I was called that. It's Steve Burne. The league, the league.
The league, yeah.
The league, yeah.
I never saw it.
Well, we were talking about the,
the, what, like, I went to,
I've been canceled myself,
but I went to, I did a show at a prison,
like a maximum security prison.
Is I get with the church, like an outreach.
It's just like special, though.
Nah, I should, like, with his name.
Joey Dishon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I go, I was almost kind of envious of those guys in there
because they did it and they go, here's the price.
And they go, cool, so I'll just pay this price
and then I'm back out.
But for like any kind of infraction
that all three of us, like what should the price be?
Among some people, there's nothing.
No price.
You have no redemption.
Yeah, that's, and by the way, it's not even that I don't need redemption
It's like well, it's also like if you're guilty. It's one thing. Yeah, you know also that fuck you
So that yeah, yeah, that's the other thing. It's like can you not just swear? Sorry dude
I apologize
I was working
Of my cars again working on so I had to drop out this one
So I have to take Mike's car to go get some food.
I'm driving out and he's pulling in.
I'm in Mike's old ram and he sees me and I'm like,
this isn't my car.
Oh god damn.
I thought you were different.
And when I said god damn, I was like,
I told Mark I was religious, I messed up dude.
When I'd say I run my grandma,
it shakes, it's a bit.
No, no, no.
John was like, he said god, my faith is shaken. Yeah, what if John went like this?
I'm good. No, just keep going then ice. I heard what you said. I'm not doing the show. I don't know. Yeah
I'm gone. I don't know how grew up in the church. Yeah, my dad's a preacher. Oh, sill is now now he's a Republican
politician oh, oh wow. Yeah, what's he what's he do? He said well, he was he ran for he just lost in the election about for a
Virtual house. No, he is from Georgia. Yeah, it's a virtual locker. Yeah, virtual off. They don't go into politics
They're gonna they're coming for you. How was someone like hey, Herschel? Uh, you know what they do when you come to politician
Yeah, he's a bagage
I'm a risk it. Yeah, he's a fine
Yeah, but the portion stuff is like not a big deal. Yeah, I think he's it. He's a young fine. He's a risk. The people here, the boys and stuff,
he's like, not a big deal.
Yeah.
I think he, yeah, still might win.
It sounds a very gay Republican.
Yeah, real, but he doesn't like him.
Right.
It sounds like,
do I guess he was in a dad?
His son has all the sugar in the tank.
No, I know, but that's gotta be,
that's gotta be,
when your son goes bad on you publicly like that.
And he's in your same party.
Yeah. Same political party.
Damn, yeah, stop.
But then I go like this, I go,
what would you do as a father here?
What's going on?
He was bad, yeah.
And he has another son that he's just never met.
I got a problem.
Listen, you don't vote on him,
because you're good, dad.
But everybody gets, like,
I got a problem, dad.
Like, yeah, but there's a lot of people on the right,
like the alt-right,
they like, remember like Candace Owens.
Yes.
He said, like, kind of something,
and then everybody rallied around.
It was like five years ago, everybody goes,
yeah, and then you kind of just become that.
Yes.
You kind of just, that's what you get.
That's your thoughts, yeah.
That's what you got love from, or like,
and then you just become that.
Yep.
Like, he made some like out of pocket statements,
and then everybody's like, yeah. I know that. And now he's tension. Now he's tension. But you've seen everybody become that. Like he made some like out of pocket statements and then everybody's like, yeah.
And now he's tension, now he's in.
But you've seen everybody do that.
There's a lot of comics that kind of just did a thing,
got attention for it and then I'll just keep going down.
That was my thing.
Yeah.
This is my angle.
So you grew up in Georgia but then once you started
doing stand up, you're doing open mics.
Yeah, like I started at comedy works.
At comedy works in Denver.
I love comedy works.
Wendy.
Yeah, she started.
She started, she gave me my start.
I love Wendy.
First comic ever.
Wendy Curtis.
First club to ever pass me.
Really?
Yep.
I did like to headline like the local comics to headline off nights like $250.
I'll never forget this.
$250 is how much. And then I sold it out, South Club.
Right when I started like becoming popular, like in 2017.
And Jeff, remember Jeff, the black guy,
gave black guy that was that run the club down there.
He came in and it goes, when he wants to give you this,
and it was a check for $4,000.
And I never forgot that.
Because in essence, he goes, hey, it's $250, but. Damn I never forgot that. Because in essence she goes,
hey, it's $250, but.
Damn.
You, how great is that?
It's fair, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I never forgot.
So that wasn't fair, right?
To what?
I mean, could it give you more?
No.
Hold out for it.
Hey, hey, hey, don't just say it.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
I'm just going to point.
He gave me $500.
He gave me $250. He was selling it out for $500. He gave me $250. He don't have to sell it out for $500.
The deal was $2.50.
She gave him $4.
That's a good one.
That's a great.
I gotta check this.
The fans of that check.
I was just going over the story with Brandon.
Maybe let's take a little break
because we're talking about the Lord's children.
Yes.
Okay.
So a little break, a little respect here, okay?
Yep.
I've been converted.
You're converted.
I'm still on the fence, but if you want to enter my coat, that's fine.
It's good.
The thing is, I still like sports.
I still like money.
I still like sports.
You like, you know, there's a big UFC, UFC 282,
this Saturday, daddy, because we're doing a fight
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And before that, there's a fight campaign
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you'll see 282, CalBass Fight Campaign, Brian Count, Sam Tripoli, huge guests, and myself.
It's all going down. Now, we're going to watch the fights, and then you can watch fights and
place a little wager on it. We fancy ourselves some betters.
I owe you some money, pal.
Well, I paid, but I always owe you money.
So whatever.
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But I'm age eligibility restrictions apply. She show notes for details. Yeah, she listen to have three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time of 35. More than 50 million men in the US suffer from male pattern models like me.
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I was just going to do more cherry was telling a story he created desperate housewives.
He was sleeping on his mom's couch.
And his mom gave him some money and and he writes desperate housewives basically on her couch.
Right.
And he said he was handed out.
He was handed out four years later, five years later.
He was handed a check for $103 million.
Gosh.
And that was just the first check.
Is he still on his mom's couch?
No, he's not.
He gave his mom $500. He was like, hey, he gave you $400. That just the first check. Is he still on his mom's couch? No, he's not. He gave us a mom 500 bucks.
Yeah, he's like, hey, he gave us 400 bucks.
That was his first check.
He was just like, and he looked at his mom and he goes,
this is all because of you.
And she goes, I knew it horse I was betting on.
Geez, dude.
You know, this is not, it wasn't anything to me.
I knew how to onto her.
That's a lot of money.
$103,000,000.
What do you get?
What do you get?
What do you do?
What do I do with that? I fly differently. I'm still doing stand-up. You go first $103,000,000. What do you get? What do you do? What do I do with that?
I fly differently.
I'm still doing stand-up.
You go first class.
Yeah.
You go private on first three.
Private on first three?
I don't know, even on our three stuff.
You're not going to own it, right?
You're probably going to get a jet jet jet.
No, you're rent space on.
You rent space on.
Yeah, yeah.
But at 103, you are taking photos.
Oh, man.
Do you know the photos in the private jet guy?
Yeah. Yeah, that's always a tough sell. I don't know the photos in the private jet guy? Yeah.
Yeah, that's always a tough sell.
Oh, I know.
I think black comics can do it better.
Agree.
Black comics are allowed to.
It's a weird flat.
Why you guys do it?
Like everyone's like, F you.
You're like, I'm a little bit.
I thought you were like, I'm a little bit.
Oh, dude, you're using up too much fuel you fucking asshole.
Like Kylie Jenner and Travis Scott got so much
it because they took separate jets and I mean,
you're profoundly selfish.
All right.
Hey, you know what?
You're right.
I know people who fly privately
and they keep it a big secret.
Yeah, because if it's like against their brand.
Yeah, like because like an athlete or like a musician.
You want them to be like.
That rock star lifestyle.
But what you like,
blue collar comment here, like we're sitting here at a restaurant. People come to the aisle. It's up to you. them to be like. That rock star lifestyle. But blue collar comment.
We're sitting here at a restaurant, people come to the aisle,
it's up to you, look at this.
Like we're them.
Yes, one of the people.
If we're doing it right, I think.
Now the black comics can do it better.
They can celebrate it.
They celebrate it.
If I want the following South West, people be like,
when are you going South West?
It's not good, look.
Easiest flight.
Oh yeah, you wouldn't need to be in the night.
I know him, even like I always am out of people. Yeah, look at Oh, yeah, you were born a no I'm see like I always man the people. Yeah, yeah
Look at him. Yeah, it's one of what brother. I can avoid TSA
Fuck and shuttles
All that stuff. I hate flying so much. I hate yeah, I hate it's horrible
I almost panic. Oh, you went down to Florida. I just got back. I got off flight
Well, let's see I woke up at 6.55, Florida, so I'm, of course, three, 55, my time.
Then you gotta take an Uber all the way to Fort Myers.
That's a good 45 minutes.
And then I gotta go to, well, then I gotta go to Atlanta,
and then I gotta wait for an hour.
Yeah, then he'd have a direct.
Waking up on the All Flight Days,
I'm like, I'm bi-to-flight back home to Nashville,
but the All Flight Days are brutal.
Another brutal.
Is there a spot if you,
was it a, it would be a bad look if you were in,
it's in the 300 section at the Laker game?
Would you go or no?
No, I know.
He wouldn't even go.
Yeah, yeah.
No, you'd buy, I'd go.
But I did sell some total weight.
I did feel a weird type of weight when I went with Jeff Dianne.
He's like Mr. Laker, like you know that Jenny Bust.
Yeah, yeah. And we're in her seats next to her,
and the players are coming up saying what's up,
and he's like, I didn't take a picture.
I'm like, I don't think so.
Take a picture to post.
Yeah, I was like, I don't think.
That's not my, this not my look.
Yeah, I don't think so.
It's not, it's not, it's not,
it's not like my family bought like a,
like the monster jam, like the monster trucks.
We have a family of like, you know, 30,
a bunch of kids.
So the whole block is in the, up there.
Yeah.
And I go,
oh man, because then they're gonna be like,
oh, he's falling off.
He's cheap.
Yeah, yeah.
But you don't want to be court side either,
because they're like, oh, you better than I.
Did you rally everybody real quick?
Hopefully, everybody's having fun.
Don't tag me in pics, right?
Do not tag me.
I can't see.
He's never had a local John Lewis. is there a celebrity you take a picture with
We talked about this before that I mean I
People like come follow our tour bus mostly women usually follow the tour bus around for life I go I
Go is it your hair or your eyes?
Why is that that crazy blue how long was it in to get a compliment from man?
Sorry, no, I just your tall see that's a record blue. How long was it in to get a compliment from Man?
Sorry, no, I just, you're tall.
See, that's a record.
Guys, what is that?
John's so much taller in person.
He's so much taller.
And his eyes just, you know, those girls
are fast enough to catch your car.
I have 10 days.
Yeah, they're in there.
Yeah.
But I wish doing that when you see somebody,
like it's a rabid fan like that,
I go, I wish I cared about something that much.
Yeah.
I wish I loved the Portland Trailblazers to file
or the NASCAR or I know.
Iggy, Azalea or Pitbull or something.
I don't care about anything.
I don't know if that maybe there's a really old celebrity
that was gonna die soon, maybe.
You would go with Chee-nom?
Don Rickles or Alpuchina?
It would have to be someone with live touring dates
so you could go to all of them.
Who would you file?
I've never, it's Springsteen.
I took a picture with him.
And I wanted one back.
And Post or no?
I was backstage with him and I,
he's like such an artistic hero of mine.
So I, somebody, it was, yeah, I took a picture
and I really wanted one.
That's the only time I've ever really wanted.
You know, the last time I was,
I was worried to take the picture,
but I was working for showtime
I was doing a press conference and I'm sitting there and I hear hey, man
You think Connor really has a chance. I'm like, you know what and it was Drake. I know I was trying to
Okay, yeah, he's my faith. Yeah, yeah
What would you go on on the thing to pick yeah, yeah, of course
Like oh you're so friendly. Yeah
Of course, you're so friendly. You're the only one. You're the only one. During Connistite when it, 2000, right?
And everybody, usually, up there, everybody up there
is the most friendly.
For the most part, the most,
like people that are just like down here in the days.
But yeah.
But if you, like, six,
but you're just kind of like throwing in the towel,
like, like, would you ever do it to another comic?
Can you get a picture with another comic?
No.
Not in a fucking million years.
I'm really good friends with Rogan.
I'm not gonna ask a picture.
But if somebody, like this, somebody asks,
that's you are admitting to drink that you're up here.
If you ask,
I would say.
At respect.
And what if drag was like, can I get a photo of you?
Like serious?
Yeah.
No, you gotta act cool though.
Fighters will get that.
Let's be quick about it.
You got like, you had Robert Downers, let's be quick about it.
You had Robert Downing Jr. Will Smith come up too.
Fighters are kind of famous to actors.
I'm trying to, will, if I'm there,
can I get a pick with the fighter, not the comedian?
Sorry, just for the record.
Yeah, I'm getting, I would,
Fighters side.
I'm trying to, no, I would,
if we do a show like in the green room,
certain times who, they might be my friends, but I love long-term. I'll get to fix that. No, I would, if we do a show like in the green room, certain comments who, there might be my friends,
but I love them, I can fix that.
Publicly aware.
Yeah, like, Bill Burr's my,
like my, I think the best comic doing it,
so Fils there.
Yeah.
But he, that's not a, that's not an admission.
Like Springsteen, he's like, hey, I'm,
you're here, I'm here.
He's part of my history.
Like I just,
but you know those guys are part of,
almost why I became an actor.
Yeah, fair.
And you ever, do you ever have somebody that rolls with your crew that you're like,
I just, this is not the time, but they're like with somebody up there. And you're like, I want to ask them, please don't.
Oh, yeah, because they're with you.
So my, my, I had my 50th birthday party.
And that was that?
Are you a house?
Yeah, Rogan's, Rogan's's there and he's got some social anxiety,
isn't I kidding?
Yeah.
One of my old friends in 2018 walks up and goes,
tough.
And Rogan goes, what are you doing?
It was like, really?
Really?
You're buddy.
Yeah, you guys, what are you doing?
What are you doing? And he's walked away and I was like, oh, no, that was bad. Yeah, that guys, what are you doing? What are you doing?
He just walked away and I was like,
oh, no, that was bad.
Yeah, that's a tough move.
That's not good.
That's a tough move.
Then you go, hey, you can't.
And you're on house.
Yeah, that's a tough move.
I had, I had, I had, I've had some situations
where I had, I had a party, birthday party
in a very famous movie star was there.
Yeah.
And another friend, fuck, another friend, started pitching
her a no fucking no. Oh, man. So bad. And then another famous person who was there came
up and said, you need to get your friend in check because he's pitching this very famous,
famous person like this famous and there's movie star.
Yeah.
And it's got her cornered and it was,
and I literally ran over and go,
hey, hey, hey.
I literally went like to go,
this is not the time.
I'm really cool.
Sorry.
No.
I'm moving my pitch.
No, it was cool, but I was just mad, man.
That's tough.
I was mad.
There's calm, I'm trying to say, any comments for you? No, I was cool, but I was just mad, man. That's tough. I was mad. I'm trying to think, any comics for you?
No, I mean, I've like,
shepellin' everybody when I used to host it at comedy works,
they would always come through.
And I just, some reason I knew, I go,
if you say, can I get a photo, that's you saying,
like, that's a, kind of like a,
they're not obviously, because they're much, much bigger,
but like, that's a coworker of yours.
Yeah. Kind of work, kind of. And they're're not obviously, because they're much, much bigger. But like, that's a coworker of yours. Yeah.
Kind of work, kind of.
And they're gonna view you in that way.
If you could, when a comics do a guest spot for me
on my shows, I get a pick.
Yeah.
I'll do it.
Yeah.
I was in Philly and with my wife,
had I been feeling a gas station late at night
and the guy goes, and I'm like, I hear a. Yeah. Oh, no, Mr. Stan Mo stand up. Can I get a
Identity got to and then later on to me my sandwich you're not that stand up your Brian Calon
I fucked up a good friend because we just look like I go doing cool. That's a good
Insip well, I love dogs man. I'm trying a tray Kennedy tray Kennedy's a comic sketch though. I love Drugs Man, have fun. There's a guy, uh, Trey Kennedy.
Trey Kennedy's a comic sketch,
comic does a lot of stand-up too.
We look very similar.
Bring that up, Chen.
And then we, Trey Kennedy.
And then, uh, people come up to me
and say, hey, I love that, uh, middle schoolers bit you do.
And that's his bit.
Oh, shit.
And I go, I just go, thanks man.
You don't argue it now.
I was happy to be, Dr. Stanton. Oh, no, dude, I, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was happy to be Doug Stan. Oh no dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, I was at a charity golf tournament
with Tim Tebow and people thought I was in Hernandez.
Oh, how do I say it?
While he was on trial.
There's pictures of me up there.
There you are.
Doesn't that look like me?
There you are.
That's not me.
Well, I don't know.
Yeah, we both are similar like characters.
If you guys were a gay couple,
I would be like those guys are narcissists
because they're dating each other. He's a little thicker than you
but then he got in shape and then you looked even more like you. Yeah kind of
like kind of like a yeah because like a thicker version like it's too big to be
John. Can you give yourself nice and trim? Yeah I tried to. I knew I was coming on
here. He tied it. You tied it up. You tied it for the show. You tied it up.
There's no there's no liver king allegations about me.
I don't know, dude, I'm looking at you.
You, that's all, Nanny.
Yeah, all that, yeah.
I'm talking about, uh,
liver king, you know, I'm talking about this, you know,
cause obviously on my stance took some heat from it,
but I was telling Chen on the shop show,
it's like, you and you sent to me,
you were like, hey, cause we didn't,
we didn't know the liver king prior to it, like, uh, yeah.
I didn't want you to, you and I never do that. So we didn't see the, we didn't know the liver king prior to it. Yeah, I didn't want to.
You and I never do that.
So we didn't see the, we didn't,
when Derek from,
years ago, more plates, more dates,
did the thing,
out of music, oh, that's messed up.
But then I even sent Derek a DM about it.
But you gotta realize like, when liver king walked through,
I was like, let me look him up real quick.
I was like, he's funny, he's a character,
he can be fun to show. And then you thought, that's actually true. And he was so nice to us. I was like, let me look at my real good guys. He's funny, he's a character, he can be fun, show.
And then you start nice to us.
That's actually true.
And he was so nice to us, I was like,
let's get this guy's great.
But he is nice.
He's a nice boy.
I think somebody, I think somebody who's asking Bill Burr,
I think, Christ your ask Bill Burr,
do you ever want to meet the president?
He goes, no, because if I meet him, I can't.
Let him up.
Yeah, because it's such a good point.
I ever met somebody that, and you go, oh, he's nice.
That's how we fight.
That's my time.
That's my entire career.
Yeah, I go, shoot.
On Futuric Diary, we have the fighters on, and then they fight,
and I'm like, you can't hide his my boys.
So I feel about both of you guys.
I was like, oh, I met him, they're nice.
Yeah, I got to stop.
You hate this before, you're like, I got to quit making
the YouTube burner accounts.
If we fight, you're gonna.
So we better not see the comments on Reddit.
But yeah, that's fair.
How do you feel?
I want to talk to you about this,
but did you see, did you follow this liver king drum?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I saw his apology.
Yeah, I didn't like his apology.
I didn't like the apology.
I, but at the same time, like,
if you're gonna apologize like that,
I'm gonna go, all right, my thing about it was this.
My thing about it was, I think what happened was he got
really famous.
He was already making a fortune.
In like two weeks.
Yeah, he was trying to make it a fortune.
Which people hate.
My biggest thing for him would be this.
I think, how did you think you weren't,
and how did you think you could get away with being
that blatant amount of lie?
Like, I didn't realize he was denying it to that point.
I thought he was appointed, but then he was like, yeah, I didn't know.
And I saw him and I was like, people that were on show.
But how do you know that's not going to catch it?
We all know.
It's like, the rock has done a very good job of avoiding that subject.
Well, we know he's not.
He's also a politician with it.
Yeah, but do that.
But this is my thing with the liver cancer.
I know him from, I met him face to face,
had a conversation with, we text, you know,
every week still, we go back and forth.
Yeah, well, not lately.
But, you know, really nice guy, great dad.
So then, I assumed everybody knew who's on steroids.
When he came out of the US, it was a big deal.
It is a big deal.
And then when I defend him, he got realized,
I'm not defending that he lied.
I'm defending as a human being.
Yes.
And he made a mistake all good.
And he's the own up to it.
And then carry on.
Here's what you think.
You're gonna tune into this show.
And I'm gonna dog pile on this hay
and let's get rid of them.
No, no, no.
Here's what I appreciate though about the,
like when you read the emails.
Yeah.
He actually takes his own supplements. That's a the emails, he actually takes his own supplements.
That's a plus for me.
He takes his own supplements.
That's a for me, you're making 100 million dollars
and you're actually taking your own shit.
Like I got, I can get with that.
Like that's, that I appreciate.
He does eat the way he preaches.
He does.
So, and he works out twice a day like a fucking maniac
and he does do sun gazing.
He does the balls.
He does all that shit.
Jim love great point.
So, Jim goes, in a way, it's not that we would know,
but do you know anybody who's like,
buying his supplements or do it like,
he's more of a character on YouTube.
Like he's a character.
But if you do, if like, if Barry, like Barry bonds,
or like he at 90 home runs,
well, without the supplements, he'd hit 75.
Yeah. Like, he's still a number of really good people. He would be, like he at 90 homeruns. Well, without supplements, he'd hit 75. Yeah.
Like, he's still a number of like, he would be,
like he said that he would, like,
like he said that he were trying to put on 20 pounds
and he's like, never gonna happen
you're a paperclip or whatever.
He said it, not me.
Okay.
Yeah, he said it, not me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna steal that.
But there's a Clint Tira, he come like that anyway.
You go, he, he, if Barry Barnes is not hitting zero home runs,
he's hitting a lot of them.
Well, it's still very good.
What do you mean?
Yeah, yeah.
But if you go, if, if, if liver king is making,
that's why it's a tricky, it's a tricky line to draw,
because you're like, what if liver king's only making
40 grand, is that okay?
Yeah.
Or like, where is the line that it's,
if he's on private jet, so that's where is the line that it's if he's
i'm probably close
i'm sure he's got it's another scenario so think about this
so uh...
if you're a movie star
yeah okay so so let's take uh... chris hemsworth
okay door
uh... door
now
gun your head no disrespect him
so you're not there absolutely not okay so
but good for him
i have you have you have you seen a lot of sureless photos of him both of you
Yes, all day long
My screen
I look the I'm in my mind all the time. I peeped at the s'more but I'm straight. You're like I'm an expert. I am an expert on Chris
I'm sure it's by big handsome great. You know
What about the rock
Not nabby no and not just TRT.
But they're not selling fitness.
However, Chris Helmsworth has a workout routine
that he sold for $200 million.
Bro, we covered all the,
we covered all the,
that's when there's,
I'll get into a point.
So there's, there's,
you're putting on muscle, okay, and you're playing this character this door character, okay?
There is
You're not talking about the fact that you do this you're not getting it from protein and just putting weights
You're getting it from you know, but the last thing is the right yeah
But but like if we're gonna start holding people accountable to that stuff
We have to be a little bit careful right because've got a lot of people who might be movie stars
who are gay and playing straight,
and if they come out as gay, their whole career's over too.
Oh, I know we talked about this, but it's a real dicey subject.
I'll tell you, you're gonna be playing it.
It's a dicey, it's a dicey.
It's a dicey.
It's a thin line.
It's a thin line.
Where do you draw the line at?
Where do you draw the line at?
That's what I was saying.
Like, even girls on Instagram who sell products,
stuff like, well, you know, maybe they're asses fake,
tease their fake, your lips are fake,
she's has a filter, but she promotes this certain
lifestyle in a certain way.
Or are we gonna get rid of them?
Like, we're gonna get the natural, get a booster shot.
That's a good thing.
Yeah, yeah.
And you do our say his comment too, right?
And you say it depends on what you're claiming
the supplements to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If you're claiming that what you're selling is going to get you to look like this.
Yeah.
Maybe that's where you draw the line.
If you happen to be very musk, you take steroids, you also have great genetics and you look
great, right?
Maybe this guy, Michael, Herne, is sells fucking duck eggs, whatever it is.
Like if you're saying that these are good for you and they're what I take.
And it comes out.
Which is what the liver king does. He takes his own supplements. Yeah. I'm cool. Like if you're saying that these are good for you and they're what I take. And it comes out.
Which is what the liver king does.
He takes his own supplements.
I'm cool.
It's when you start saying that if you do these things, you can look like this.
And that's it.
I don't know if he did.
I don't even.
I don't think he did have a sudden.
I don't think he said.
Let me see this.
But I also, like when he came in here, I didn't look at him like, oh my God, this guy's
jack. Did he take his shirt on? Yeah. Did he take a shirt on? Yeah, he didn't sure I was ever seen with a shirt. Yeah, he came in shirt
Oh, we're doing we have to we have to power wash that chair. It's not like this chair smell like hummus for
Really for date? No, no, that's a good. It's a good man's scent. It's a my would I get like you know like a
Like a contact high
You know, like a contact high. Yeah, I didn't.
I didn't, if you sought a test, you did.
There he is.
That's what you're trying to do.
He didn't smell it.
He didn't smell it.
He didn't.
He just smells like natural.
Yeah.
And like, look at Brian's like, I line.
Look at his going, I know I've done his words.
Yeah, yeah.
He's looking right down there.
I was looking right there.
But like, I think on camera, he looks like super jacked.
But he came in, I was like, you smaller guy.
Well, you're so big. And maybe you were looking down your ankles. No, but he came in, I was like, you're a smaller guy. Well, you're so big,
and maybe you were looking down your ankles.
No, but I didn't think he was even that thick.
Like, you're looking at it.
You're both looking at his body, right?
Yeah, we are.
Well, whatever's going on with him,
where he has to work out that hard twice a day,
is, that's an interesting thing.
So, there's an extreme, there's an extreme,
and the extremism in his personality.
But that's why we go and follow them.
He's extreme, he's eaten, you's eaten cow weeners and balls, liver.
It's like a lot of the country music guy,
they're from Nashville, they're thinking about dirt roads
and you find out they're from Pasadena.
No one has a problem with someone being from,
take my situation, because they're like,
oh, this is a guy, a single guy in his 30s.
This is just on the road as a comic and like,
hooking up with girls or whatever.
We're like, yeah, but he said, he said, same old liver king.
He said he was Christian or, like if you,
somebody's like, I'm on the leader of Jenny Craig
or something and you see them in McDonald's drive through.
You go, wait, no, you said,
but that's what people have a problem with,
not the behavior.
That's the liability with having a brand in general
that you want you to be consistent across the board.
That's just being in the public eye.
Feel me, and we don't have time if you don't want it.
But I'm just curious like with the Christian thing,
but you can be Christian still hook up with the girls.
I think it was that frowning.
I described it as kind of like you worked for a company
when they said you can't wear jeans to the office and I wore jeans to the office and I can't work anymore.
That's the rules of, because I was working in church.
So people in church trying to allow the date?
Well it's the same, that's why I don't really, all of my fans are trying to figure out, because they go, what do we want?
He's a single guy. It's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it This guy's up here, but the same with Andrew Tate or whatever, not to compare ourselves to him.
And anyway, or they go, oh, everyone's here.
He's up here now.
Have you noticed the media, the mainstream media
needs a villain?
And now that Trump is kind of out,
who's the, who are they, who are they turning out?
Oh, it's a new, it's a new, it's a new,
Elon Musk.
Elon Musk.
Have you read this, how they call him,
have Tyron, how, what he's doing at Twitter?
He's a rough, but the last, the last love a lead long time. Yeah, and then now they sleep in the Biden the hundred Biden's have you seen the hundred
Hunter?
I'm looking for this. Yes, and the New York Times still won't call it a word for yet New York Times their filth
The majority of major networks because they're saying they're in good with it. I'm going to report. It's like
It's like how much more of your credibility you want to lose.
Just be objective.
That's why everybody's everybody watching.
Listen to the podcast, really.
I know.
Because everybody goes, not, don't trust it.
I agree.
And then I just want to make like a,
like I'll make a lot of sketches.
I want to make like a,
alt left person with a Tesla.
Because now they're like,
but they can't get they have a
test look is they thought
he stood for yeah
something that he never did yeah well this well now they have to say i told my
test layer is about a mokeswag
i saw an american car and water German car
comets like
you know who create folks like and right not sees
the best shit the best thing about about i think, Tick-Tick. We're Kanye win a mask?
Yeah, wild, dude.
Kanye win a mask.
Not like a, but he's in a, like a mask.
He's a crazy.
Yeah, yeah.
What medicine are you taking?
I turned you into a full fledg Nazi.
That's a different one.
What, what, what antidepressants you take?
We're like, I like him,
but like the streamers when he was on the,
uh, that, that show with Jones,
that the extremists like, I agree with his opinions, with his opinions but is a mask like they don't have a
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it is true that they do need
yeah I mean he's got gloves on it's really weird
that's a tough look it's you think it's that's something he's clearly clearly
completely manic like there's something very wrong.
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See you there, kids.
Well, I've seen, in that case,
I, we told that we used to have a buddy
from our high school that we would like,
in our group text, he was on Facebook
and we were roasting him for like,
look at him, like it, and then somebody found out
he had like a mental, oh, oh, oh, oh, no, no, never mind.
Never mind, oh, if you're like,
doing this for attention, then that's like,
but if you're like, off your med, that's not funny to me.
Robert Samosky, who wrote a book called Behave,
and he said, I don't know, side brain scientists.
He said, and I think this is true.
He said, we're gonna look back in 10 years,
15 years, 20 years, whenever it is.
And we're gonna go, God, do you remember how we treated Kanye?
Remember what?
Remember how we treated that?
Because he had that thing in his brain
that we didn't know about.
And he had that fucking thing that was making it crazy.
He said, we're gonna find things,
it's like schizophrenics back in the old days.
Burn them at the stake,
because they were possessed by demons.
Now of course we know that it's a brain thing,
but the more we learn from the brain,
we're gonna realize that there are people
that have psychotic breaks,
and they are straight up,
that's fucking straight up crazy.
Well, but I think the biggest thing is if you know
he's having one of these manic episodes,
which I don't know if I subscribe to that,
but because he's done this stuff before that shot.
Well, you have to be careful about making excuses, right?
That's what I'm saying, because if he was saying
whatever rap sucks or this rapper sucks, that's fine.
Yeah.
And you're anti-Semitic and you're posting Nazi symbols
and stuff, that's like, okay.
But then it's time to start.
You can't condone it.
You can't condone it.
But then also, here's my thing.
If he's having a manic episode, right,
we wouldn't have him on here,
even though we don't do anything for reviews,
we wouldn't have him there.
We wouldn't profit off of that.
No, if you do that, if you do.
If you do, you gotta take some responsibility here.
You know he's gonna do this,
you know he's gonna say some wild shit,
you're probably gonna give him a platform.
Just let him do his thing on his social media,
but don't give him a huge plan.
But you see the same with like Antonio Brown,
that he goes, oh he's, at the surface,
he looks, he's doing things for it,
and then you go, oh, if he like has CTE,
he's got brain damage.
I'm not, I don't want that blood on my hands.
He's just on the standoff of the cup.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Like, a few days ago cup. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Like, two days ago.
Yeah, he's got brain damage there.
But I mean, what about the, what's the guy for years. It was like the nickel back of music.
The whole year.
Yeah, for years.
And that, and that, and that,
that's what I was, we talked in before this podcast,
like we, we'll like roast other comics,
like privately, they'll box each other,
but you will never hear me publicly say another,
to a fan or to like another comic,
something.
Me neither. I've never heard heard it and sometimes it's warranted
and I'll have people like I do I can hear from me.
No, I don't do that.
It's not what I say to his face.
I don't want to say it.
Yeah, yeah, but you said the the episode with when you're
confusing me with Carl Lentz, which is funny, but you said
you saw him.
Yeah, and you were like, Hey, and I was going to his thing every Wednesday
Yeah, the church. Yeah, the church. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, and then I made I was roasted. Do you know him? I?
Know Carl. Yeah, yeah
Seems like a nice guy. Yeah, that's the problem. You go and you meet him and because that because we we had been friendly with each other and then that
came out and you go,
and I've been on the other side of it and I go,
eh, it also doesn't do me and a good
to defend someone publicly.
Yeah, yeah.
So you caught, and you're,
He was like, hey man, don't defend me.
Yeah, but I didn't want anyone to defend me either.
I go, hey, but I remember the people who trashed me.
Yeah, for sure.
Oh, you remember that.
For sure.
You also remember people that had your back though.
For sure.
That's when you know.
That's when you're at the bottom.
Yeah.
That's when you fucking know.
Yeah.
And nobody you go, well, I don't.
I, where do you, just don't say anything.
If you're not there,
when you go through destruction and the people,
you remember, you remember the people that never called you.
Yeah, yeah, and my it's so funny. I'm such a lawyer, I'm such a lawyer, I know the
people I think call and text him. I don't talk to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wouldn't do
shows with them anymore. Well clearly, brands are really, really, really, really, really,
I'm over it. Break down H Yeah, I think of the apocalypse hits.
I'm coming.
Well, people know, I think like now, of course,
there's you get like your like very extreme people
that do an extreme, but I would gather that for the most part,
you find yourself being sympathetic with people
that are getting crushed publicly.
Yes.
Same.
Yeah.
Same. And I'm really sympathetic to someone who gets hate right now,
you get a lot of hate.
So with like, liver can't, like, gay fucked up.
But for you guys, dog pile on them, like, yes.
Sometimes things, people are pieces of shit
and they deserve it, right?
Like Harvey Weinstein.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm mad, get it.
He's a criminal who's jail.
And that's definitely a jail.
Get it, yeah.
Versus a guy that, like, like, the liver cane kind of like,
I bet because I bend to rehab
and you go to every day,
every two days maybe there's a new person that checks in.
New person checks in and in essence,
they're at the, like,
that's a rock bottom.
There was a guy that was a pastor
at a huge mega church, you know, 20,000 people.
They found out about some stuff,
he's cheating on his wife,
they came to his desk with a bag and go,
we know about everything, if you check into rehab,
we'll pay for it.
If you leave right now, get in this car,
go to the airport, and it's his life in a five minutes.
And the next day you're sitting in rehab
with a bunch of addicts and have nothing.
Like that's that.
And you went to rehab for what?
Well, I was just so scared.
It was 2019, I was drinking a lot.
I did it.
Yeah, drinking depression, work all of a sudden.
Do you talk to your dad? What does that mean? them, narcissism, sex, I knew.
Well, my, yeah, because your dad's a pastor, so it's judgmental. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no if you've ever had experience with alcohol, real alcoholics and I know you have,
you know, it's, it's a fucking hard thing to,
you gotta look, you gotta realize you have something
like that in yourself too.
And you're just lucky you don't have a certain,
like sometimes people have an alcoholism
that's so beyond their control.
And if it's booze, some people have a work of hearts,
whatever like that. You know, some people have a tension from Instagram.
The definition of addiction is repeated attempts
to quit despite mounting consequences.
This might seem out of the phone.
So me and Mark were talking about this,
I think in like 10 years,
you remember when people just give kids
the iPads or the social
media was just a free. They study, the people, the engineers study something called persuasion
technology at Stanford University. There is a, there is a science called persuasion technology.
Those clicks and all that. They call it a race down the brain. Brain stem. They're, they're
hit. They're a lizard brain. And you're just, you know, and we all fall for it. Well, my thing is the most the most
discipline people I know the people I respect, you know, I have a good work ethic people that trump me. Yeah. I see how addicted they are to their phones
I'm like, this is such a problem. It's not good. Yeah, but you go get you go like there was a guy in rehab
There was a professional baseball player in the major leagues. And he was addicted to video games, he was addicted to it.
And he would every so that you know baseball, they got like three, four game road trip.
All there.
He would go every you go never never play video.
It's like it.
Everyone buys a carton of cigarettes.
They buy a pack because they're like, I'm not.
Yeah.
I'm not doing that.
And what I've had comics that come out in the row with me, the buy a pack.
I go, he stopped and get a pack.
I was like, dude, just buy a carton.
So we don't keep stopping. You're gonna, but he goes every every road go, he stopped and get a pack, I was like, dude, just, by a carton, so we don't keep stopping.
You're gonna, but he goes, every road trip,
four or five game road trip,
get there, first day,
would go to Uber to Walmart
by an Xbox and a television and the games
and play and then, you know,
I just leave in the hotel.
And never left a hotel,
never practice, never did anything.
And then he would leave it there because he goes, I'm never doing it again. And every road trip, you just leave in the hotel and never left the hotel never practice never did anything and then you would leave it
There because I never do it again and every road trip people do that
I'm never playing these games again, but that's how addiction is cuz you go I'm never
No, no
Keep you look at that with my comedy and I want to thank people
But you when you check to rehab you're not addicted to like no, to the ocean. No, I mean, I was just depressed.
You have a addictive personality?
I think so.
I mean, I'm sober.
I've been sober since that day.
Well, sex is a pretty, when it's available.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But if you go, like, I was, I was very,
I was looking for something because I was,
you understand, I was a Christian. I still, I'm a Christian, but I was very, I was looking for something because I was, you understand, I was a Christian.
I still, I'm a Christian, but I was publicly,
like everyone started to be,
like I was making poor choices in my personal life
since day one.
But now everyone knew me as like a Christian,
and I go, oh, this is a kamikaze mission.
Yeah.
Because like you're like liver king, this is.
Got out of control.
This will, if I get, if I I continue to get I took these two deals
It's a definition. No,
kamikaze is no, there's a definition of this is you mean what's the English
The translation when they come across you what's it means?
Translation it means divine wind divine wind and worthy comic here's another divine wind divine wind
Another question. We're the worthy kamikaze pilots were they were they volunteers or were they forced to do it forced
They were volunteers. Oh really? Yes, and were they
What do we talk about for a harbor what this isn't World war two okay and so i'm on tears on yep and and were they were they
um they are they were they college educated primarily or were they not college educated they taught
us one of them i've never thought about i know i'm pretty interested they were yeah they were
they study for the most part math science and engineering or did they study poetry? Second, engineering.
Engineering?
They were artists, they studied art, poetry, literature.
Or just like romance, it was exactly.
And they would write, they would always write a high coupon
to their family before they went.
There was a whole ritual, fucking whole ritual.
Man, not to get dark, I was doing this guy
who he was a principal and
He got an Ultrication with his wife. She had two daughters. He was like their father, but they weren't his blood kids
He got an education yelling that she calls a cop saying he's hitting me
He's never hitting by his life. He's been a principal for like 30 years. He goes to jail
Then it comes out, you know, he hit his wife blah blah blah.
She's like, oh my god, like we're talking about once the toothpaste comes out. There's no going back
But when you can't somebody like, oh, I know he's gonna be homeless. Yeah, I do think this is gonna go
Same thing with this guy. I think that was gonna go she calls says it gets a cop sir
So he's hit me didn't touch her. She didn't realize how bad it was gonna get for him
He lost his job. he's not leave.
So she's calling me like, I made that up.
I was just out of control.
It was trying to harm the worst I could.
He didn't lay a hand on me.
He never has.
He's the most gentle guy in the world.
He loses job, everything.
This dude goes on Facebook, right?
The suicide note kills himself.
Fuck.
You can't do that.
I read, I hate to get dark.
I read that one was just like, dang it. But you gotta know that he's dead. I feel like you to you. You're so I read that was just like dang it
But you got to know that feel like you're working for a reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah, well
No, probably saw people who commit suicide. No, they see they see no way out the cloud
They don't the clouds blocking the sun and they believe in their hearts that the clouds never
But to do that over that you'd have to have the impression, right?
Like you'd...
At the moment.
That's co-oplessness and despair.
So, because what happens is all you have is your reputation.
All you have is your career.
Now you can't provide for your family.
You've been in jail.
And the future, everything you had, all the plans you had for the future, especially your
reputation, everything is shattered. Gone, yeah.
And now you have nothing.
And you don't see a way out.
One of the things about chaos, I've been there,
is that you're in the middle of a rowboat,
and you don't have a paddle, and the sea is raging,
and there's no land inside, and you have no idea
how to get back.
And the only thing you can do is go,
the only thing I held onto was I go, all right, look,
I know I know I'm a good person, I know I'm innocent.
Let me see now who the fuck I really am.
If I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die,
like they're gonna come on.
I'm gonna take me down like this.
I'm gonna roll the boat with you.
I gotta take me down like this.
Come on baby.
Come on, come on baby.
Yeah, you did.
Fuck my crap.
Well, you go in the, in too. And we just went in circles.
It's only brought one row. Which is like the one. But that guy.
I'm talking about that guy. There was off the cruise ship.
It. Oh, dude. That last week. This week he there was an article that came out of
goes. He made up his mind. He was absolutely determined to live. And you, but that
makes sense doesn't
Because if you go oh no, you're it's done. Yeah done. Yeah 15. I go there must have been you go 15 hours
They said he was kicking off the charts absolutely
Yeah, I promise he was like I was so scared cuz the shark was starting to swarm come on
Yeah, take a few of them, but you know
Come on, I'll take a few of them. But you know, they exactly go from my top movie,
but still, I watch it.
It's stories, because when you go,
when I, so like,
they're in their sharks, but they,
so everybody, when I was in rehab,
they're every, I got, just stacks of mail every day.
Just, I don't even know how they found out where it was.
Staten, everybody's letter was the same.
Everybody's letter goes, hey, when I was 25,
I got a DUI, I got fired. Hey, when I was 25, I got a DUI and got fired.
Hey, when I was 30, I worked this so and so.
People getting encouragement.
Oh, God.
Because everybody had been to the bottoms.
Did you get all been to the bottom? Did I? Did you get something?
Did you get something?
You get something back.
And now, like, when I was in rehab and Sam Hunt, which is a buddy of I said, country singer.
Great. I got a DUI. Got a DUI. And I go, we got a buddy of IZ a country singer. Great.
I got a D.Y.
Got a D.Y.
And I go, we got to find him.
We got to find him and we got to tell him to stay on earth.
Just stay, just because it's, when I was at the bottom, everybody knew they go, I know
what that feeling is.
And I'm also 15 years or 10 years or three years.
I mean, it did better. and know what that feeling is. And I'm also 15 years or 10 years or three years.
I mean, it did better.
They end they go, I'm compelled to find where this guy is
on this planet.
And there was like my sister was like getting notes
from friends that were like co-workers,
they were like, he's gonna make me cry.
They go, if you know John, tell, find him.
Yeah.
And tell him, yeah.
And that saved my whole life.
Yeah. And now all I wanna do is do. Because you were and tell them. Yeah. And that's saved my whole life. Yeah.
And now all I want to do is do that.
Because you were helping somebody else.
Yes.
And that's what's amazing.
Here's the other thing that they have found.
Let forget religion even.
But like, and I appreciate that story because psychologically, you're way happier when you
stop thinking about yourself.
Oh, way happier.
The other thing I learned is that I swear to God, man, I'd rewire my brain because I just got,
I just stopped worrying about myself a lot of times.
Yeah.
I was like, I was like, I said to my father one time,
and I really meant that I go, I'm not afraid to die.
Me neither.
And he said, he got really nervous.
I go, I'm not saying I'm suicidal.
Know this about me.
I'm not afraid to fucking die.
I used to be afraid.
I'm still afraid.
Okay, I'm not, you know, but you know what know what I'm saying is like you get, you get the
waiver, but, but, but what really helped me too was listening to Jordan Peterson's
lectures on the Bible. And about how any time you are cast into the desert, you got to
still have faith. And when you don't have faith, that's what it is. So the metaphor is in
the Bible, the metaphors for anybody,
and anybody who I've admired has come up against themselves
and faced, I don't think anybody escapes,
if you're alive long enough,
and if you're really trying for something,
I don't think anybody escapes,
the chaos, the flood, and loss.
I don't, we also don't respect those people.
Like what's America love more than anything?
Come back. Or, or somebody that
like overcame.
Oh, everything about every movie, but it has to be exactly. It's the hero's journey. Yeah, the hero's journey is you fight
up. You fight. Yeah, the monster you're gonna fight in every movie. You don't have any weaponry for it. Like it's so overwhelming. We all go.
There's no way he's about to fight a dragon. There Hold this shit. Well, it's also compared to UFC.
Like, I won't coastline a guy to see him lose around.
It's not going his way.
Yeah.
When they're just dominating him, I can't do it.
Like with, we don't know.
With Anthony Joshua, and to he fight Vladimir Klitschka, I was like, I'm not willing to
say he's the grandson right now.
I'm not just can't.
And then he gets knocked down.
Like, we'll see what he does.
Fire's back.
Like, well, now I can vouch for that guy. And everybody down like we'll see what he does fires back like well now I can voucher
They go and everybody in the fight and what about you're starting to record a bunch of your situation is
Algana motion is I thought we were all gonna fight man. I thought we were what happened
Yeah, I thought we were all gonna fight right where did you guys go right you left though? We weren't a community
No, we weren did you guys go right you left though we weren't a community no we weren't
for you guys were one of our friends because we could help you yeah and then when we need your help
out the most you guys are nowhere to be found even till this fucking day fuck you but you got
to forgive sure people are afraid for and they don't know I don't know I don't know I don't
will resent I don't even think about it. You're honest with you, but also fuck you. You know, like, that whiteboard out there,
is that people that you hate, there was a whole list.
Okay, so you don't just public stuff in your room.
You do have board stuff.
Okay, yeah, I got a good idea.
I did that, I feel better.
Who's the guy with the most fucking Billy Madison?
Yeah, yeah, that's us.
And he's got, like, why are some ex-style, like, well,
and he's got one of those Bob things
where he's just twisting his head?
Yeah.
You're like, it's, well, it's true.
It doesn't do.
It doesn't like,
What did your dad say when you're going through all this?
Dude, it was, it was good.
Yeah, it was good.
Aren't you like one of like 19?
But one of eight.
Yeah, first guy there.
Oh, one of eight.
First guy there, dude.
Yeah, come on.
Anybody that like in, when you go into the wildest store, I mean,
the people coming to rehab that have killed people, like unbelievable consequences
of action, but you hear the story from childhood
to there, and again, I don't think anyone on this podcast
has ever defended anyone's behavior
or had let anyone off the hook for wrongdoing,
but you hear the story from birth to what they did and you go, I get it.
Yes, that's it.
I get it.
And if he has...
He feels told me, he's like,
you come some, he's AA, me, he's with me.
He's like, he's AA, you get material.
I bet we bend, he's like, we bend.
Yeah, and things like, be the stories, man.
You love, he's like, you're a compassionate dude,
but you meet these guys.
I do.
So, I love this.
I'll be doing all my money,
but you hold on.
I'm in Naples, I'm in Naples, and I'm ho homin' it. Just having a tough one. I'll be doing my money, but you hold on. I'm in Naples.
I'm in Naples, and I'm ho homin' it.
Just having a tough one.
I was just having a tough one.
I'm in it.
Why is exactly right?
But I'm complaining about some shit.
I was a little down about something,
but I'm not saying things like,
come on.
No, no, I actually sold well this weekend,
but you know, so it was sold out,
but like they weren't laughing like, you know.
They were.
I was just, I got, I went back in my role
in the next and I got mad at my,
I let my, I let demons come in and I'm catered to.
I know.
But I was like, you know, a long time coming down.
Yes, my, my wife's there with my baby and everything's,
and it's Naples and the weather's great.
Yeah, yeah, and I fucking knew her.
Boy, you didn't get food.
Yes, you let him out.
I call my boys got cancer.
Okay.
And his mom answers the phone.
So I'm down.
I call my boy, he's got cancer.
His mom answers, she's crying and he's dying.
And I say, how you doing?
He goes, I'm struggling.
You know, I got, but I'm doing the best I can.
Because we were talk all the time.
You know, cool.
Listen, I'm a maple.
Because we went through this, he got cancer
and I went through this thing.
So we were like, we were talk all the time know, he's and so I said I know this dome
Cameron Booth one of the best guys. I met him. He was the guy who's my dad's caddy. Oh, yeah
Yeah, and part of the family. He was part of the family because we got so close to him and
He's just a beautiful human being and a hell of a that's not him. He's 30 38 years
is the beautiful human being. And a hell of a, that's not him.
He was 38 years old.
I'm gonna say 38 years old.
38 years old.
Beautiful, beautiful guy.
But anyway, so long story short,
he died three hours later.
Oh no.
And so here I am,
so I'm talking to my buddy who's clearly in crazy pain.
Yeah.
And then I look over.
I look over and there's a woman,
she's in a wheelchair.
Her husband's this burly guy with three kids,
and he's doing everything, she's never gonna walk again.
He's got her, and he's got the three kids,
and he's got a smile on his face, and so does she.
And I look at my wife, I go, what was I fucking?
What was I complaining about?
What bitch, what bitch, what was I doing?
But that's not the time to talk.
I mean, it's all perspective, right?
It's like, it's like, it's like, it's not real.
But that's why he is good, because you go there and you have these.
Oh, right.
You get perspective.
But I did it when I would go, all my shows, there was like, you know, the lighting's not right.
The sound guy didn't do this, and I was, when I was in, when I was in the, I was like,
if I could ever do stand up again for two people.
I'm not nice.
I go, I'm never, you're gonna hear a word from me
and everybody that works with me prior
of employees who were like, this guy was a dick, dude.
Talking about me.
Yeah.
Or this, no, I just very, just,
I'm taking it out on everybody.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And things don't go right.
But anybody that, I mean, I always say,
like dude, I looked at Devlin in the eye.
I looked him in the eye.
Yes.
And I go, if anybody that didn't,
y'all should have killed me when I was down there.
Because now, I really feel like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And now I get in str-
Now, now.
But why aren't you a fundamentally different person?
Because I am a different person.
I'm a fundamentally different person
in many ways, I can just my outlook in life.
Because when you're young or when things are worked out,
you believe that the laws of the universe,
like you're just, there's an arrogance
to anybody in life who hasn't had to come up against themselves.
That's what you did in the eye.
And hasn't lost everything.
And when you lose, when you hold, like let's say,
it's your cars, or your career, your relationships,
or your whatever, and that's all you have, and all gets taken.
All of it, and then you go, oh.
And it takes a while, it's not overnight,
but you go, oh, I'm, now,
because I was so scared on people.
No, I'll tell you, you were walking around,
there's like everybody else, like this.
You walk around, and in your mind, you went you walk around and in your mind
You wanted me in your mind. You actually believe you're one of God's faith. Yeah, 100% you want a God's faith
Yeah, and then all then the flood hits and you go you go. Oh shit. Oh
Shit no, no God doesn't have any favors. Oh, yeah, I think for you and Chris going through it like he has a ball
You guys both mature yes, yes
are both, you guys are both mature. Yes.
Yes.
I got them coming to their family more.
Now you're acting your age, which bumps me out.
Well, that's a bummer though.
Yeah.
Well, I do, but I think you go through something like that.
Yeah, you just want to keep your silliness down.
You want to keep your silliness,
you want to be a silly goose.
Like, what do we tell you?
Like, we can come back to find a kid.
Like, you call me like, man, it's just not what you're doing.
It's all good, dude.
We just got to keep doing it.
You're going to come back.
You're going to come back, too.
I love that guy right here.
Most loyal guy we got.
But it's also like, we talked about it.
Like I was like, don't wait.
The sillist can come back.
That's a good guy man.
You don't wanna.
You know, Brennan's a tough fucking dude.
Like, I'm not just physically,
but like you're a very tough guy.
Like you have the ability to,
I mean, I don't know, you know, Ed.
To take it to take to, if you,
if you're watching it from the outside, which I am,
like I know, like we know of each other's kind of,
so we like to watch, you go, God,
that guy's getting it.
Yeah, really?
And you go, I don't know.
Yeah, you gotta be, you gotta put a bullet in this head
otherwise.
He's never going away.
No, he's never going away.
He's like, kill.
Yeah, good luck.
But really, you realize after all that stuff is like, He's never going away. He's never going away. He's never going away. He's like kill. Okay, cool. Yeah, good luck.
But really, you realize after all that stuff is like,
is like, oh, the people on Twitter are like,
they got a gun to your head.
And then you realize they're shooting blanks.
Yeah.
Then I'm shooting blanks, they're shooting those things.
Boom.
There you go, it's just like a confetti.
And you go, oh.
Monkeys in the trees.
But I was, but those, those, whenever,
I remember the first time somebody said something
critical of me right when I was starting to kind of ride
and it, it took me down.
You came up fast though.
Very fast like in a year.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I was selling, you know, arenas.
And they was like,
He's like, I can't wait for us.
He destroyed.
Yeah, like a year.
Destroyed out of here. And crushed out. Yeah, like how year. Destroy it.
Yeah, here in Krustin.
But then you go, but it was so scary
because I was like, this whole house of cards here
is gonna be, because this is all I have.
And then you go, oh, did you, I mean,
I'll get, be criticized for being here on this.
Did you become, of course.
Yeah, of course.
Did you get more, did you get more religious?
I was able to weigh more of a Christian now
that I was before.
Yeah, weigh more.
How so?
Well, I guess, I guess even,
I shouldn't ask that question,
so I don't really know Christianity.
Like I can know, I didn't know you can DM girls
and like date girls.
But think, every religion has restrictions, right?
Yeah. But I think what the religion, faith. Every religion has restrictions, right? Yeah.
But I think what the religion,
I think what religion should do,
whether you're Christian or whatever is,
and this is what I really, really,
to have live now, is truth.
Like, you can't fucking lie to yourself,
to the people closest to you,
because you will pay a price for that.
I'm coming for you.
And so that leads me, like I do believe in truth,
and I do believe in truth with the capital T now.
That's something that I, you understand?
Like that to me is like, again, it's like,
you will never get away with anything.
You know what's crazy on me?
You'll never get away with that.
And you sidetracked it.
You know, your eyelids are just falling off.
Somebody said that too.
Somebody said, do you want to try it?
Oh, the eyelid surgery, I've heard some people get that.
Yeah, it was a nightmare.
Yeah, it really paid off.
I'm a vagtonized, the tops are like,
I'm like, right, down here, up here.
Both, yeah, both.
I didn't know he did this.
You know, he did, you know that?
Oh, I know, they did.
I didn't know that.
That's why your eyes were so far.
I thought they were on the skin skin here.
They took skin from down here too.
Yeah. Which I didn't know. Didn't touch that. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like the, if you go to any, if you go, if you, there are, obviously the news is full
of Christian and Catholics and not to single them up, but doing horrific things.
But like, 80, I've read an, like 80% of the philanthropic donations in this country
were from Christians.
If you were in a city and lost, go to a church.
Yes.
Again, there's humans in them, so it's not but a church.
They will help you and they will give you,
they will try their best.
These people live a great atrocities
has been committed in the name of religion.
It's all bad though.
No.
And to, like, for me to go, like, you go through this experience,
and then you could either go, I could easily,
and you could, both of y'all, could go alt left or alt right,
could go atheist or double down in Christianity.
Yeah.
You could go to either extreme.
Oh, I'm anti-canancel culture alt-right guy
or screw religion.
But be smart, like some of it's good.
Some of it's about to carry this.
I'm gonna think for myself.
And Christian's kept me on earth.
Christian people kept me on earth.
And your family is still majority.
100% Christian. Because they on earth. And your family is still majority. A hundred percent.
Christian people.
Yeah.
People are flawed.
You don't have something called redemption and forgiveness.
Yeah.
And redemption and forgiveness is a very powerful thing.
It's what I said about your enemies.
Yeah.
The most radical thing about Jesus Christ, the most radical thing.
I know.
I already know what you're about to say.
Love your enemy.
Yeah.
Turn the other cheek.
That's a radical concept.
But he didn't have social media, right?
I know, not just sell all your goods
and give the money to the poor.
If that is a, believe in the Bible or not,
if that is a true story that he was hanging on the cross
and he said, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing.
Yes.
And you think it's a true story?
I do.
That is an unbelievable, that is an unbelievable, and I want to crush people that tweet at me.
I want to kill them.
But I just think it's interesting that we're still talking about that.
2500 years later.
Also that.
Think about it.
That's the best example.
Yeah.
But it still bears relevance.
So, so, so, see what you're going to a comedy store tonight, every comic stamp of
joke about Jesus, every one of them. I'm sure. Every one of them. I'm sure. I'm sure.
I'm sure. Still relevant. What's the most film? Because you lay your head on the pillow at night.
Yeah. And you go and sell in Georgia about that. But the Bible, the Bible has been relevant
for so long. You have to, you have, yes, there are contradictions and flaws. Sure. It just,
I'm not a Christian, but but it's got something to offer.
Yeah.
It stood the stand.
That's all I have.
I was telling you, my grandma's super religious.
She judged me because I wouldn't go church as much
she would like.
And when she was about to pass away, she was so excited.
Yeah, like, cronk.
And she was getting the hottest club in Miami.
And she was coming away to get in. I was like, I'mk. But she was getting the hottest club in my am. I chewed cutting away to get in.
I was like, oh, I'm so jealous of that.
Why?
If there's a church, we could throw out here from Irvine.
We passed 5,000 churches.
It must be, is he, look at it, it's the bad comparison,
but you're like, you look at cocaine.
You're like, it must be doing something for you.
Well, human beings, all human beings, they say,
I've heard this, all human beings are religious, all of them.
Now, you might be religious about science,
you might be religious about the,
you might pray to the God of Russia.
You got to worship something.
You might pray to the God of atheism.
But at the end of the day,
my prayer to the God of yourself.
You, but that's a, that's the biggest thing for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The number one lesson in the,
and certainly in the King James Bible is that what what were the Israelites constantly
constantly punished for by God worshiping false idols when they said we want a king
He goes you want a king I'm the king. All you need is the commandments. You're fine
They like no we want a king and he said okay if that's what you want it's it was one thing
So worship of man worship of of money, worship of status,
worship of power, worship of anything was always, always in, in at least the Abrahamic religions,
which is Judaism, Christianity, and Islam always considered. I think religions should
almost be like picking your college major because I want to get more educated on it, go
through and then decide. Oh, it oh sorry. It's too late for him
He's you're going hell yeah, yeah, sorry. We should have said that up top. Hey bro. Yeah, sorry
Sorry, sorry, sorry, yeah
We gave him hope a little bit. Yeah, sorry
You pillard you pillard right now with some holy ghost power. I don't want to you pillard with some holy ghost power
I don't want to own your ship. I started to call no, but you pill
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do when you I'm when I get up to have it
When I get to anybody no see I when I get to have an open I love you
I'm say a little prayer good work for me for a little good work. I'm gonna go. Hey. I'm gonna go holy father
Can you make it not as hot for him? It's the air you're gonna be up there first before him at the end of the day
I got a full heart and clear clear eyes. Oh, yeah, I'm big. I'm like a great day. You're more of like a
To-wow with the yeah, yeah, just saying a small dog. Wow. That's a best example. Oh my dog tons today
My car is a five o'clock. I'm a course. Don't you course. Tanya Corso. Tanya Corso. Tanya Corso.
Tanya, not Tanya.
Don't say Tanya.
Don't say Tanya.
Tanya, not about it from Tanya.
Yeah, that's bad.
That's bad.
You're a journalist from everybody,
everybody kind of like,
let's tell you a picture of Jim.
That's a good looking dog.
Yeah, that one looks like a giant.
You got dogs?
Panther.
I don't have any dogs.
No dogs, no kids.
I don't know.
Nothing.
Well, you're still young.
How old is he?
He's my age.
38.
Dude, we're PICY bros.
March 20th, March 18th.
I've never pounded somebody for that, but.
Dude, take it.
First time.
Well, when you think everybody gravitates toward like,
like, it's uncomfortable to be worshiped.
When somebody's like, I'm a super fan, like, that's awkward.
But I want, want like I've met
Guys that like that have impacted me in a certain way authors musicians even athletes that I got did I enjoy I
Love watch and he's like it's like it's like I'm uncomfortable
But a man is naturally made to worship yes to go even
Yes Chris Martin from coal play. I was like dude
I've been in some dark dark dark dark places and his music. Oh interesting might have been might be stolen from but I go dude you you
Have saved me not I mean
No, but it's a lot to yeah, but it would be I've said it like it be like but so would y'all
Briggs he was that way for me. I mean honestly, but it's I was lost and I didn't want it
Yeah, he's he kind of I don't know brought me closer to what all the songs it just brought me closer
Well, there's my dog and that's a fucking
He's a leverly told there, you know, and I told the guy go I'll pay you actually if you don't clip his ears
He goes that we only clip ears and tails to just a show dog
Yeah, isn't it you people get mad, but I like that look.
Look at it.
Look at it.
Look at it.
Look at it.
Look at it.
He's had a security.
My kid, my kid.
It's all the same.
That also looks like a line.
My kids don't know.
My girl doesn't know.
My girl does not want a dog.
So you're just going to show up?
He's showing up at five o'clock.
I'm going to say, hey man, this is what we're doing.
Okay.
Tonight?
Tonight.
Oh, that's right.
The breeder's gonna say.
That's like, you would say this,
like showing that for another human,
giving that dog to someone on Twitter saying,
ooh, it seems so.
Yeah, what?
Yeah.
Like, the best part of my entire weekend
is my little nephew lives out here
He is a Rams fan and I go what is he one for Christmas as mom said he went to a whole where he loves the Rams and like Jersey
Jersey pants shoulder pads wristbands gloves helmet
Cooper cut. Yeah, yeah
Three four funny if you're like he's 25. Yeah, I was weird. Yeah
He's three, four. Funny if you're like, he's 25.
Yeah, it's weird, yeah, yeah.
He's 32 or so.
That's the best part.
But to give, that was the best part of it.
To give, like, I couldn't wait.
I couldn't wait to give it to provide that happiness.
I'm not happy with butterflies, I can't wait.
To another person.
Yeah, my son, he's not gonna go to Jutsu,
he's like, why'd Adam, like, you'll see?
And that's the same when you were,
Who's his mind? And that dog's, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh eyes. Oh, a lot of times. Yeah, that's it. But when you say that you called your friend with cancer
because when you bend to the bottom,
you know that's the way out.
Dude, I see, yes.
You know that's the, you call.
You know, a lot of people didn't call him.
Yeah.
Yeah, a lot of people,
nobody wants to be around.
Nobody, it's very natural.
It's depressed.
What happens when you die?
It's true.
It's very sad, but it's very natural.
What happens when you're getting very old,
what happens when you're dying,
is that people stop calling.
Because you remind them of their mortal.
And I make sure I always call that motherfucker.
I think that's even with like cancer culture,
like a comic who's not selling
where their podcast isn't hot, like you won't give me calls.
You're like, I'm pressing, I'm doing that.
How do you feel with your conscience wise
that you use that cancer story as your closer that night?
You know what?
You said that a bit.
Yes, I mean that's all I mean because I turned I turned a part I turn a negative into a part
Merch.
Yeah, he would lay you say you're honoring him negative into a positive.
That's what I do.
Right.
I got a close.
And I said that to him.
Well, my buddy was dying and I he and I fucking said, he was a comic, Sam Brown,
and I go, I love to a message.
I wrote him a thing.
I go, dude, listen,
because he was dying.
And so his wife was gonna read him the note.
And I don't think she ever got to,
I think, unfortunately.
But I wrote him a note and I go,
I love you, man, thinking about you.
And not to be a dick,
but you're not using a material,
and it's so fucking good.
I can't do shit.
Can I have it?
Can you just send that my way?
She was like, you're such a sick fuck.
I go, I heal love this.
It's a lot though when you got it,
because when my uncle's my, you know,
North Star, when he was passing away,
my aunt Sophie texted me,
I was like, hey, write your uncle an email.
He's gonna go any like in the next few here.
Write an email and I'm gonna read to him right now.
That's so cool.
So I wrote him this long email and Tyger was born and I was like,
my son's middle name's gonna be yours,
can you type your tax?
So you write the whole, you know, the email,
I don't want it too long, you know how long he has.
So I was trying to give the cliff notes
what I was trying to do.
Tighten up that bed a little bit.
And yeah, I get to cut the fat.
You cut the fat.
But after four days.
And I said, I said, love love you hopefully I'll see you up there
And then I put sorry for the grammatical ears. You know I struggle with this stuff tell my dad
He's blaming on him sent me to public school. She was like he does the first laugh. He's got
Yep, that's laughter is fucking it. Well, I tell a story of my show. My there's the comic named Mark Lowry
Who's an older comics Christian comedy? He's of the best joke he ever told.
He's in the hospital.
When his, they're very religious.
He was in the hospital,
and his mom died,
and his dad were both there.
Right before she died,
you know, he had like a kind of a moment of clarity
before death, like a little bit of a,
and she goes, I think I see lights.
And she passed away, it's true story.
I think I see lights.
That's the way, and him and his dad, there he is.
Even his dad were driving home from the hospital,
no one had said a word, and his dad goes,
I can't believe mom said, I think I see lights
and he looked at his dad goes, you think it was flames?
That's unbelievable.
That's a great job, great job, great job.
That's great you want to do this.
So like, I got canceled.
It was like one of my buddies, we were in rehab
and he cheated on his wife and burned his whole life
to the ground, lost his job and everything.
And we were crying together every night and it was horrible.
And I was starting to feel better after like three weeks.
I was starting to feel like, oh, maybe I can,
you know, I was starting to feel optimistic
and the light came back to my face.
And he put his arm around me one day,
he goes, hey dude, it looks like you're doing really well in here,
but I just wanna let you know,
don't take suicide off the table just yet.
We're not out of the state.
And I go, you don't understand how therapeutic that was.
That's all I would do.
I just thought,
Will Sassah was the best at that.
Will's dad had throat cancer,
and he loved his father, so I throw cancer. And he loved his father.
So I was amazing.
And, and he had a very special bond with him.
And I said, you know, I'm sorry, man.
He goes, no, it's okay.
He's a steel horse.
He's stubborn.
You know, he's just a man.
He's just, but, you know, get him help and stuff.
And I go, all right, buddy.
And we had a talk and I love him, you know.
And right before I go, I go, and hey, don't, I don't want you to get this
in your head either because like, don't think
that if you had been more successful as an actor maybe,
and if you were working more that the stress
wouldn't have caused that, you know,
so I'm sure it had nothing to do with that.
Because he's dying, of course, he's like,
but, wait, why would you say that?
No, I'm saying not to think that, that's all.
I don't think. Yeah, he would always like, we would go to these like, A, meetings, and there you say that? No, I'm saying not to think, guys, that's all. I don't think so.
Yeah, we would go to these AA meetings
and there was the rafters up there
and he would go, hey, like, to hang myself
or he's like, hey, dude, like, he would always,
that spot, he would always like, grab a ghost.
That's like a hole.
Like everywhere we went, everywhere we went.
He's awesome.
Gosh, dude.
If you need that,
if you have been to the bottom.
Yes, bro.
You've done shows. Like, people that we've done shows.
My dad, you know, my father said,
you know, my dad, the day, as I'm leaving,
he, my father goes, stay close to the people that are,
that love you.
I go, yeah, I will.
And he goes, I gotta change my last name.
That's awkward.
Yeah.
And I was, I go, I go, I can't get any worse than this.
He goes, he can. Yes, he can any worse than this. He goes, he can.
Yes, he can.
Yeah, he can.
You ever heard of a brain tumor?
I was like, he's just drove off.
I'm like, all right, there it is.
I was saying you'll see it.
There's even wiggle room at rock bottom.
Did I even rock bottom has wiggle room at the wiggle room?
I was with my dad when his best friend died at the funeral.
The guy's making this speech about the guys up there going, all I see is
nothingness now because you have left us. And my father, my father goes, are you kidding
me with this guy? Yeah, this is what we're going to do. This, this guy, I'm so depressed
listening to this. My dad got up and told jokes, talking, talking, talking jokes. I think
he roasted his friend. So John, tell me me that so as a Christian comic house who worked with your material, I assume no cussing.
No, I don't cussing.
And I mean, yeah.
But even coming up like comedy works
and some of the other venues you wouldn't touch.
I never worked, I just started,
like I don't blame anybody.
Like I just, like my, I said,
I called my brother a butt head one time when I was little
and my mom washed my mouth out with soap.
Literally real, that's like a Christian
coming up in the 90s, that's how discipline worked.
So I just like, I first went to a comedy club
to like, cause I thought I wanted to do it.
I went to open my mic tonight and I heard guys publicly swearing.
And I was like, this isn't sick.
Like is it, is the manager not here?
Or like I was like, I'm gonna get some soap.
I was just shocked that they were doing it.
But not because that's just how I was raised.
So I'm just like, and when I moved out here
to like become a comic and I was like,
trying to get rid of everything Christian in my show,
I'm like kind of just be like a,
and then I started like doing these Christian.
They were like, dude, we need like,
we need every comic being them. Yeah, like, don't we? We don't have a version of it. I was like, I grew they were like, dude, we need every comic being them.
I grew up in church, dude.
I grew up homeschooled from the south, they conservative, my dad is a pastor.
They go, just, how often would you go to church, growing up?
Three times a week.
Really?
Yeah.
And then homeschooled by Mama.
So you know the Bible inside of it?
All of it.
Yeah, yeah.
Old Testament, New Testament.
Yeah.
So they go, I was trying to get rid of all that stuff
to become, and then I started making these videos
that were like so niche, like,
but Christians were like,
oh my God, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Cause I was doing like,
and like if you asked me to write a joke about like MMA,
I wouldn't, I don't know it.
That's not your thing.
So then it would be like,
they'd be like,
you gotta do that joke.
You gotta do that joke.
You're making a joke about like being a good looking guy
and they're gonna get a lot of attention for women.
That's yours.
You gotta do that.
I'll be pointed at you.
Yeah.
Hey man.
No, yeah.
It looks like me.
That's like, hey.
It's beautiful.
I have great eyes.
Yeah, you gotta do that.
Man, I have my eyes and yo.
I can't do that joke.
Like it's like. It's like 30 year old eyes. It's not, yeah have, my eyes are young. I can't do that. Like it, like it's like-
30 year old eyes.
It's not, yeah, it's not.
So now I lean into it, like this,
but I'm like kind of like, it's like,
kind of comical, I guess,
because they were like, oh, this is like the,
like the, I'm like the bad boy of like Christianity.
Cause I like roast it.
But like in any, I'm like a cleanest,
most family friendly, but amongst Christians,
like oh, like. Oh, this one. Yeah, the, oh, he made it fun of Joel Osteen or friendly, but amongst Christians, like, oh, that's the coolest one.
Yeah, the best fun of Joel Osteen or whatever.
They're like, oh, they, he's a phenom.
He's wild, too.
Also a friend, though.
So you're not gonna catch me.
He's like a good guy, bro.
I don't care.
That flags the way.
But he seems like a nice, I can't think of anything bad
about the guy seems like a bad man.
Well, that's the thing.
So mad man.
And I did a joke.
I did a joke about him one time in Down in Houston
and somebody, his daughter in law,
came into the green room after the show
and you were like, you'll love this.
He goes, dude, if my dad and heard you tell that joke,
he'd be dying laughing.
So he's, I bet.
He cool.
He's cool.
He's like, the people are like, oh, oh, no.
Nobody looks better than that.
No, come on, didn't come on.
Nobody looks good in better than that guy. Yeah. I, dude, come on. Nobody looks good in that guy.
Yeah.
I mean, if you've seen the crowd, he pulls in.
Oh my God.
And that's what's tricky.
I'm not religious, I'll watch him.
I can't believe he's that old.
About religion, about what's tricky about religion
is some of these, like, those famous pastors,
like the Carl Lentz, Joel, like all these guys
are so, so wildly charismatic
and also you combine that with religion.
But you'll do anything for them.
But these guys, if this guy was like a CEO
of a business he'd be.
Oh, they'd be successful.
Well, wildly, wildly, wildly successful.
And you combine that with like,
this is what God told me.
It's just like you got to be very careful with that.
He's so positive.
Who was the older one with the crazy eyes?
Remember that lady's like,
but you're flying private jet?
You would know, John.
The real guy here, you guys.
Oh, yeah, I did a bit about him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was his name.
He's like, he's like, he's like,
he's like, he's like, this.
He's like, he's got mid surgery, but bad,
mid surgery.
Same doctor as you, buddy.
No, no, no, no, different.
That he was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This dude looks so crazy.
There it is, yeah.
That guy, right?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
That's how bad I job, bro.
But like you said, like if you're gonna be like.
The private jet one was hilarious.
Yeah, that one, that one, yeah.
Yeah, that's it.
Tough.
Yeah, don't take that interview.
I'm just gonna say, I don't take that.
They caught him off guard, look at him.
Yeah, they surprised him,
God damn those eyes are so...
Sorry.
Just even get that surgery you got.
What?
He's gotta get the surgery.
He didn't get my doctor.
Yeah, now that's what he did.
No, he got too crazy with it.
Yeah.
Because what they do with that is they lift your brows.
They go bright, yeah, he can do it.
He's a real big guy.
He's a real big guy.
You got to go.
You got to go.
Yeah.
Yeah, he was going viral for the wrong reasons.
Yeah, it's not good.
Yeah, I don't take that interview.
Yeah.
Don't take that interview.
They jumped on him though, he's like.
But with all these type of things, like again, religion
and sports franchises and anyone has the kind of leader,
like if you were kind of like,
like if you're like, I'm gonna buy this prayer cloth
from this guy and he's gonna cure me of cancer,
like get a booster shot.
Like kind of like, again, again,
I think he's gonna be able to help as a religious person,
you're gonna be able to countable for that, I believe,
in eternity.
But like if you go to that and get a boost of show.
I'm with it.
Yeah, like, and then, but I'm going back to the Christian Comps,
is it how many like big Christian comics are there doing?
Like who's the big, I mean, what is the side you?
There's a lot of people that are Christian.
Well, do comedy.
Yeah, but not Christian and also do that brand of comedy.
Like that brand of comedy.
Yeah, there's a lot of guys like,
I love see Nate Bargatsi is a Christian,
but he's not, he's just a comic.
Yeah, Christian.
Yeah, Christian.
Even Theo, as you've just said, he's a Christian.
Like, these,
No, yeah.
No.
A lot of people are believers in Christ.
No, I'm with you.
I'm talking about guys.
Yeah, I'm with like doing the same survey.
There, there's obviously, there's a guy named Tim Hawkins
is the, he's the big, he's the biggest named Tim Hawkins, is the, he's the biggest.
He's the biggest.
He's the oldest.
Yeah, he's a little older in me, but he's,
he'll sell, and he's, he'll sell 5,000 seats
in any city in America.
Incomprison.
Incomprison.
Well, because there is a Christian revival
correct me if I'm wrong among young people,
including in cities like New York City.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, Christianity is now cool now.
Yes.
It kind of came. Why is that?
Yeah.
People are just worried about technology.
That's not him.
That's a fake photo of him.
But yeah, all of it.
Which one's there?
No, all of them.
Yeah, that's there.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
There's like all of it.
He'll do the joke about like, click on the hand raising
and top left in the, in the plaid.
One more.
Yeah.
This one here?
Yeah.
Can you, can you, can you listen or not? I don't know. We can listen. He's got a shot. All right, yeah, this one yeah, can you listen or knows that allowed? We can listen, you can't show it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, let me just get the idea of what the joke is yeah, isn't really
People are gonna make fun of this it's hilarious if you are in this culture, but this is the funniest thing ever
And I know that each church has its own worship style
Which is cool some people are more expressive in worship some people more subtle and it's all good
I go to a church. It's pretty expressive in worship. It's a hand-raising church. That's what it is, right?
That's what, you know, anybody here go to a hand-raising church?
Who here does not go to a hand-raising church? Some of you are trying, you're like, I can't.
I want you to, I need to get some momentum.
Totally cool.
But hey, if you're not used to going to hand raising church, you want to go and join us.
Feel free to join us, but don't feel like you've got to join right in.
Okay? Start slow.
We've got a lot of different hand raises that we use we actually have names for a hand
raises so I'm gonna walk you through real quick okay what they are just to let
you know so your mind-church music is rocking start slow hands in the pockets
little elbow flap your phone very subtle get warmed up get your heart rate up
get your heart rate up your warmed up start with the first one ready carry the
TV carry the TV. Carry the TV.
So you should have done Brian the church you're at. Literally what I did. Everybody else is like this.
You can go to big screen, big screen. Next one's my face was this big. My face was this big.
If you're a liar, you go out there, that's fine. Jesus loves you. Grace.
If you're a liar, you know out there that's fine. Jesus loves you, grace.
Next one's hold my baby, hold my baby.
That's it everybody's doing at your church.
We're like bulbs, that's the next one doing light bulbs.
Yep.
Got goalposts, everybody knows goalposts.
Throwing a heartburn, a lot of people like to do that.
A heartburn, double heartburn, and then back to the post.
Here's my favorite Mufasa.
Mufasa.
It's a f**king thing.
It's a f**king thing.
It's a jitter called a lie.
Tim, can you go higher?
Yes, you can.
You take one hand, go a bunch of different stuff.
Point your hatchet, school room.
Release the doves, give the Lord a high five. Press it out.
A lot of women like to wash the window. Wash the window.
That's so true. And when you're comfortable there go for the big three village people rocking
touchdown. There you go there's your big three. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. Just like that's a great
thing. So it's so weird you say it because I go, my buddy goes, come to this church,
so I can tell you, I go along and,
and they're doing that.
They're doing this.
First of all, there's a band that plays in big,
the beginning.
I'm already like, you know, I'm just,
I'm, you know, it's,
you know, you don't know what to do with your first in,
but everybody else around, he's doing it.
He wants pockets of my,
all right, I'm just gonna,
that's why he got this Christian band,
they're very good, but it's also like,
yeah, church must be a little boring.
What are you doing?
Yeah.
Oh, but I think that's why there's a,
well, it's supposed to be a little bit,
I don't know.
So there's more people signing up.
We gotta go.
Yeah, we gotta go.
We gotta have to.
Okay, okay.
No, but tell us,
what did you end up doing?
I, I, I, I didn't do it.
I can't.
Yeah, I was like, I could turn.
I would say put the lyrics up
so we were gonna see them. Because I'm new. I don't know
Yeah, but in it, but that is similar to every every subculture, whether it's a
Black comic gay comic southern Larry the cable guy if this this guy knows
Your life. Yeah, the what the life that you live. Yes. Yeah, like we have people like people from flu from Hawaii to come to my show last night
Yes, you're like we have people like people from flew from Hawaii to come to my show last night They go we we're because cuz you speak to yeah, the people your day don't feel alone
No, and that and after I go to do if you think that my comedy is is what I what is too much for you and you're too religious
That you know hey we can check hands and yeah go our separate ways, but if you if you
That's my brand of comedy is a little different than Tim's,
but if this is for you, you're like,
that's my God.
That is my God.
That's all this and anything.
But that's everybody.
Yeah, everyone has to do that.
But you're a intelligent guy, you can see it.
I mean, your success is not a fucking accident.
It's not just your eyes.
Keep that between us.
And your height.
And the timber of your voice.
Yeah, I wonder what anything we could collab on.
What order of us three gonna do?
We can't tour together, can we?
I listen to your, who's gonna be in the crowd?
If I was three.
I'm my convert, you never know.
Brian's leaning that way.
We should forget something.
It'll be like you people can watch me.
What is it?
Yeah, well I talked to, I was on Bert's podcast.
Yeah.
And we talked a little bit about this.
And he was kind of the same about,
like he's like, there's gotta be something else out there.
Because that's what's crazy about having money,
is if you, like, I've always said,
like if you buy a lottery ticket on Monday,
and the drawing is on Sunday, it's a billion dollars,
you're not gonna win it, but what if you bought six days of hope?
Your life is trash, but for 10 bucks, you can go,
maybe, maybe.
And that's something.
And that's it, but that's it.
Everybody out here, by the way, everybody out in these,
that's what they hope in.
If they're not religious, they're hoping in a better tomorrow.
So when the rent control or when your politician or when the tax is,
I hope tomorrow is gonna be back as well.
But then we all, I mean, maybe you're rich, he's not.
But like, we have it.
Not just joking, like we.
I know you have to leave, but.
There's no, my thing is different.
Like my interest in faith is in the doing of it.
But my interest in faith is in the doing of it,
like it's almost like I somehow find
or get a lot out of believing that I can ask
to be the best version of myself. Like, so I think that we have sinners and saints
and everything in between in our bodies, right?
Absolutely. Like you got hell our bodies, right? Absolutely.
Like, you got hell in yourself, you got heaven.
But I wanna, I wanna, like, I think with,
if you ask for it, you can become the version of yourself,
you never even thought was within reach.
That's what, that's what,
you're converting late, yeah.
I never said I was converting, I'm just kidding. We, there's no hope for me. I never said I never said I was converting.
I was like, yeah, we said there's no hope for,
we might switch that.
What?
It might be, yeah.
Come on, we gotta know this.
Holy ghost.
Yeah, I'll talk to him.
He's fucking doing tobacco.
Yeah, tobacco.
I got him.
I'll talk to Jolos.
He has a preacher hair.
Preacher seemed to have very good hair.
Jolos is great hair.
Great hair.
Top tier, Top tier.
Top tier.
Yeah, I mean, I think you go...
So, I mean, you got some torteids coming up, Daddy.
Oh, look at that.
Palm Beach Florida takes still left for that.
Irvine sold out months in advance.
Let's go.
Miami Florida improv, that thing sold out.
You doing a Huntsville.
Huntsville stamp.
Yeah, you're doing that.
I have a good one.
I have a good one.
Yeah.
Is that the one near the space station?
Yep.
Huntsville. Yeah, is that the one near the the space station? Yeah Bullen Green Kentucky die pack then you're in Cincinnati taft theater in the temple theater
If you wanna she's you want to Indiana is home of all Amish people wow, I'm big with them
Are you I know no electricity? No power nothing great? Yeah, blue gate theater packed
Blue gate theater sold out.
Let's go, baby.
Shipshipshawana.
By the way,
my conversion, my conversion,
so it starts with John.
Yeah, come on,
A, any of these shows,
if you guys want to do,
just gotta be clean.
I'll do it.
I'll do it.
We would love you.
They would love all of y'all.
I mean, I need to go, come through the material.
Yeah, I can't get there.
So my stuff's pretty good.
But I've seen both the all the zanies and like,
Lucy loves both of you guys.
Why'd you come?
I'm gonna be down there on March if you want.
Jump on.
Well, I always feel myself the worst, the worst,
the worst you could ever do is introduce yourself
to another comic to say you're a comic.
They haven't seen your material or know you.
Yeah.
Like someone goes, I'm a comic.
Yeah.
Doesn't do it right? Yeah, yeah. Hey, I'm also a comic.
Oh great. So if the if you don't know, I'm not, I'm never gonna come in the greener and be like, hey, I will now. Well, there's my
definitely do now boss masters left boss and I'll be there for New Year's. Then I can
I'll say yep. Yep. Yeah, awesome. Great. Have you done my drop comedy club? It's a new club in San Diego. January 5, 6, 7, four and we're in Indiana,
so I'm a comedy club, January 13, 14,
Dania Flare.
Awesome club too.
Yeah, January 9th, where is it?
In San Diego.
I'm off to about January 14th.
I'll have a special announcement,
big Canadian tour coming up in January,
but forget all that, your boys taking a break from the road
to mid-January, but fight companion, we partnered up with barstool sports, we're doing the rough and
rowdy, 19, they're in Providence, Rhode Island, but we're doing a hell of a crew, I didn't
mean to cut, we're doing a heck of a crew.
All right, it's back to actually brining your back in.
Man, sorry.
We're doing a heck of a boat.
My hands, my hands, my hands, my hands.
We're doing a gosh darn good crew. No, sure. February, I'm sorry.
December night this Friday for Rough and Routy,
Cobbats fight companion live on Think Boy YouTube.
It's Theo Vaughn, Donald Serone, and rampage Jackson and myself.
Let's go. You can tune in live. It's Barstool, Think Boy, Collab.
Saturday fight companion,
Sampian Pacific live on Think Boy YouTube, Brian Callellen, Sam Tripley, and a very special guest.
Very special guest.
Very special guest.
The MLB quality thick-boy Jersey's just restocked,
go get them right now at thickway.com,
and that sweet nectar is available as well.
John, we love you, dude.
Can I come to a fight with you guys?
How? I've never been to one.
And you ask to do a companion with us.
I'll come through. Yeah. We drink, though.
Do you watch? Do you watch? We not everyone does. I just can't even know. You're like, I can't so fun. I'll never bend one. And you ask me to do a companion with us. I'll come through. Yeah, we drink though.
Do you watch?
Do you watch?
I mean, not everyone does.
I just can't even know.
You're like, I can't watch fights.
Yeah, I've watched a couple of other things.
What's your sport?
I don't watch football.
Basketball.
They land hawks on my team.
I never bend to a fight, does I get to get into it?
All right.
What's the way to start?
We'll go to a big workshop.
Then I'll be in.
It's like a NASCAR race.
I go to the top of those.
If you come, you're like, I'm in for life.
And your college team says Georgia Tech? Yeah, Georgia Tech. That's like a NASCAR race. I go to Taco Bells. If you come, you're like, I'm in for life. And your call team says George Tech?
Yeah, George Tech.
That's unfortunate.
Great fractal damage.
Share a national title in 1990 with Colorado Buffs.
You guys stole it.
We just got Deontan or so we're crushed.
Let's go.
Come on.
We love you, dude.
You got it.
You got it.
You're the best.
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