The Fighter & The Kid - Ep. 853: Harland Williams | Brendan Schaub & Bryan Callen

Episode Date: December 15, 2022

Harland Williams shares his crazy experience at Burning Man, his volunteer charity work for senior citizens, being cast in Dumb and Dumber and There's Something About Mary, his red carpet fashion, his side hustle called Crinkle Crafts and so much more! Helix Sleep - https://helixsleep.com/fighter Athletic Greens - https://athleticgreens.com/fighterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

It's the fighter and the kid Hyde the run it back Cause we back at it again Yeah, we gon' keep it moving like it's never gonna end When it was brining, when it was bright And when it was just talkin' to friends We got the kid galling on the left With the fighter on the right

Hey, how'd they do it right? Cause we comin' at your lock Back with the team I'd be keepin' OG, my CTV I had to do it Yes, we did Cause we back at it again It's the fighter and the kid It's the did, cause we back at it again It's the fight on the kids

It's the fight on the kids Back at it again, it's the fight on the kids It's the fight on the kids Back at it again, it's the fight on the kids It's the fight on the kids It's the fight on the kids It's the fight on the kids This is really the fighter in the kid.

France, Viblifchons. Viblifchons. France is ahead to nothing. You want me to check the official score? Yeah. I love that you care about it now. Huh? You look like you've played soccer.

Yeah, that was a hell of a soccer player. Could have been pro. One zero, almost over. Ow! One zero oh Harlan you gotta be careful with that mic Fuck HR. Yeah, you're looking at him And he's wearing caramel. Yeah, we run hard around it. We run hard. Harlan

The legend with the one of the best comics ever. I would say Harlem Williams is one of the great comics period. And I'm not kidding about that. So you're welcome for that compliments. Thank you, Rob. So much to you. Tough follow. Yeah, I'll just get something to this crowd. Well, he'll do your material better than you.

He'll do a hard part of your material. He's done that to me many times. When I had, I was doing the butter police and then swine flu is out. And you kept talking about how the bacon police was out there, too Oh, yeah, you did the bacon police. Yeah Why is the mic keep going towards it? No, no, but I don't try it again. Try again. It'll be fine I don't have a chin and this is insulting no, you'll be fine. I'll get it there Yeah No, I know I'll get it there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. A podcast should have heard.

No, I know. We were talking about the road, Harlan. You don't like doing the road. This is the first podcast that hurts physically. It do we're mainly around here. Oh, we are just all men do. We're men. The mics are rough, chins rough, rough hands.

Yep. Hi. You're not losing a stitch of your hair, buddy. No, these are plugs. They do plugs? Yeah. Where'd you get the plugs? Sweden.

Sweden. All school, acquire boy kids. Oh, acquire boy kids. Hand-picked. I picked them online. You can go on and look at the different boys and pick what hair you want. Do you stress them out so that they get a gray hair

and then you take it from them? Or do you call it that? I, I, I then you take it from them? I call it that. I straighten them. I have a hair straightener and then I use this as a seeker, but I use a little bit of food coloring. It looks phenomenal. Could you, whatever you're doing, recommend to Brian, because my friend Brian over here decided to cut his hair like a baby ostrich. I did. I have a few. So my wife heard the razor going and she knows that when I have something to do and my hair's looking good and normal, I will say, you know, I have to make a change. And I go downstairs and before anybody can stop me,

I've shaved my head and she comes down and goes, no, because she hates it. Everyone hates it. It's probably not a flat right now. It's like a baby chicken. And then you got like the Russian, you know. What's the Russian? Who's the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a, I have the Russian, the Gorbachev birthmark on my head. It's not that noticeable, dude. Oh, it's the first thing I saw. Well, you're looking down on my head. I was not sure, he's a real shits. I noticed it now that you said it. What shape is that? It looks like it's...

Shape in my heart. It looks like the shape of the Arby's logo, the cowboy hat. That's right. It's brand with branding. It's an endorsement deal. I see what you're doing there, Daddy. For Arby's. Yeah. Yeah. We got the meat. We got the meat. It's how funny. Damien had a 666 and you've got an Arby's cowboy hat. Yeah. I can't decide who's evil or. Well, I am if you look at my body you can tell I don't need a whole lot of Arby's and if I do it's without the bun, right? I'd like to look at your body, but I just checked my schedule and it turns out I'm busy for the rest of my life.

It's just busy for that. That's good. There it is. Arbise does look very similar to the old school Arbise. Yeah, that's what your birthmark looks like. You should open your mouth and turn into a drive-thru. Yeah, just let's put meat in there. Am I right? Wait, hot meat? Show us your meat. Hey, meat, hot pop. Open the drive-thru and show us your meat.

Guys, holy God, the meat. Guys, this is stupid. Aw, you got the beef. Yeah. Yeah, and the code word is the code word is, oh, there's Brian. Oh my God. The code word is Arby's., oh there's Brian. Oh my God. The code word is Arby's.

Look at that shape of Siberian. You and him should get together, stick your foreheads together, and you'll probably turn into Gal Gadot. I would bet you turn into Gal Gadot. Why is this a big far? Not just the two of you pressing your meaty red junk together. Probably take Shazam, you turn into gal Gadot or so we so suddenly we have become one of the most beautiful women in the world I think so way to find out yeah I know her

a little bit by the way how through your birthmark well do instagram nope my dear friend patty Jenkins directed her and wonder woman one wonder woman, Wonder Woman 2. They're not doing Wonder Woman 3 apparently. You're a friend dropper. I know. Yeah, I'm a friend dropper. But is it, is it, is Wonder Woman 2? It's tough. I don't know, I don't, how did, how did Wonder Woman 2 2,

they don't know because of COVID, right? It was, it was, it wasn't released in the theater. It was really, I thought before that, right? Well, well, 2020, yeah, that's about COVID. It was just tough all around. I don't know. 169. Not bad. A lot of money. A lot of money they've done. Yeah, but it probably cost like 300 million to make. Correct. So if I only made one 69. All the time that you're boss box office 412 million. It's no joke. No, it's called 10 poll movie kids. Well, that's that's Wonder Woman 1B.

Okay. I mean, chin. We're talking about or one. I know we're just comparing that you Yeah There it is. Lose is a hundred million. Yeah. Yeah, Wonder Woman loses a hundred million box office. Yeah, yeah 101 crushed. Yeah, the two was you know, it's it does movies are always Super hero movies. Yeah, you know, you can't call a Wonder Woman anymore, right? Because of the pronoun thing. Wonder, Wonder Person, no, just Wonder. Just Wonder?

Yeah. Well, just Wonder is what he said, and then you chatted. Wonder, Brackets, no, I didn't. You feel the Brackets, Wonder, Wonder, just Wonder, and then who knows? By the way, I just bought my first on that topic. I just bought my first Wonder bra. My man tits are coming in. Really?

And I ended up on my first bra finally. Yeah. But you've been so athletic your whole life, you play ice hockey. It doesn't matter. You can be athletic when you hit 48. Like I just did. You're gonna grow titties.

Instincts. I'll say you're a wickie. Yeah, you might be a little older than 40. Well, I don't think I need that insults. I thought I just came out here and was manly enough to talk about my bosoms and- Byologically, and you body shamed them for how they body sheds.

Don't call it that. Those tits are gonna do well at, where'd you, you went to Burning Man, right? Yeah, yeah. That's all you were just getting ready to go to Burning Man? Burning Man, yeah. I don't, you don't strike me as Burning Man guy. We were doing sets at Laficta and I was like,

we were talking, you know, it's this month's gun. Like, what are you going to do? He's like, get ready for Burning Man. That's surprising. He's like, you never been him like, absolutely not. He's like, oh, you gotta go. You had a good time? I'd like to go with you guys.

You guys would love it. Wait. You went to Burning Man. What? I was there in the summer. I mean, are you a big sect, Alex guy? No, I just, Burning Man, what? I was there in the summer. In August. Are you a big psyched Alex guy? No, just Burning Man's more than everyone thinks it's just a drug experience,

but it's a huge art experience. It's a spiritual experience. It's a nature experience. Where do you go and stay in a van? I rent an RV. He does a proper. Yeah. He's not sleeping on the ground. You rent an RV. He does a proper. Yeah. He's not sleeping on the ground.

You rent an RV. I have an RV with a shower and a kitchen and AC and heating, but then when you're not in the RV, you're out just enjoying the madness. And in Craig Miff, I'm wrong because our boy Schultz went and he was saying like there's no currency as far as like money. Like money doesn't get you. Things like people like,

I massage your foot for a loaf of bread or whatever. You have ghosts? Yeah, I got seven loafs of wonder bread for giving someone a full happy ending. Yeah. They were just asking for a foot rub. I didn't know that. Well, you weren't there.

No, I know. You just stuck up. You always go that extra yard or inch. But you've been to Burnham and Hemingtime. That is my fifth time. Really? But it's not, yeah, there's no money there. You can't buy anything.

Once you're in the festival, you can't. It's like nowhere to buy anything. So if you, everyone kind of works on the principle of just giving. So if you need a sandwich or a drink, you can just knock on someone's like RV and say, Hey, man, can I, and they'll give it to you? Do they have to do it?

I don't have to, but everyone's in that spirit. That's what's beautiful. And nobody greets the handshake. It's always a hug. Everyone's hug. Yeah, but this sounds like a very drug-y experience and you're dead sober and you're still good at sandwiches because you're good at it. It's a communal experience. It's communal, but there are people that do drugs and have fun with drugs, and I went up there once with two sober people. I drove two sober girls up there.

It's fun though. Yeah, it is fun because it's sort of like, if you ever watched those early Star Trek's with William Shatner and they get in the transporter and all of a sudden they're on another planet, this is what Burning Man is like. I'm not kidding. I've been all of a sudden they're on another planet. Yeah. This is what Burning Man is like. I'm not kidding.

I've been all over the world. I've been everywhere. Yeah. I've never, when you get to Burning Man and it's nighttime and all the lights and lasers, it's like you just transported to another planet. It's nothing like it. It's like Mad Max.

That sounds like fun. I had a friend of mine who invited me and he said it's 10 grand and I went what? No. And he goes, no, and he goes, but what we do is we rent these giant high, high priced buses and we bring a sushi chef when we bring an Italian chef. That's not bad. That's rich. When I'm saying, and then they circle the buses, nobody can come into your circle, I'm like, that's not, do that in the seatbelt. That's right, that's not,

why would you travel the way up there? That's not hurting, man, that's not the experience. No, it is, it's whatever you want it to be. So there's people that do it really high end like that and spend a fortune. Sounds like your friends part of the skull. Right, and then there's people who literally will sleep in their car or attempt on the ground and but a ticket to burning man's about four hundred five hundred

dollar. Oh, and that's first for almost ten days. And is there there's musical acts? No, there's no musical acts. It's all DJs and it can be an 80s party. It can be a disco party. It can be there there's there's a million different things going on at home. And then do you dress up like the Mad Max? You can dress up. You can be naked. You can just dress how you normally dress. It's what it's whatever you want.

There's no rules. How much time you spend there? How many days? Normally I go for five, but this year I last year I went for the whole thing because for two years they shut it down for COVID. Oh. So when I went last summer, I was like, damn it, I'm doing the whole thing.

Did you think that guy jumped into the fire? I was right in front of him. You were? So I watched him jump in the fire and die. No. It was horrifying. You serious? I'm serious.

So 70,000 people, the second last night, they burned the man the burning man is like this 70 foot tall Wooden man and on the second last night everyone surrounds him But they have to be back like I'd say about almost 80 90 feet a hundred feet because the fire it Rages is like a hundred feet high and 60 feet wide, it's a huge fire. Sacrifice. And I'm sitting in the throngs of 70,000 people and some guy got up out of the crowd

and started running around towards the fire. The guards are trying to grab them. It's like when you see a guy jump on a football field or a baseball and he was evading them and then all sudden He just turned he literally put his hands together and dove into the fire And it was just happened to be right in front of me. Holy fuck. It was pretty pretty tram And he he just died right there He did come out like James the truck like the dragon. No, they said he didn't die there

But I was right in front of him and what happened is one of the brave guys, so the security guys that are standing between the crowd and the fire, these guys are dressed in these fire suits to repel the heat. And this guy risked his own life and he reached in and grabbed the guy really fast and dragged him out on the ground and his body was just Souldering. Yeah, he wasn't on fire

But it would you could see smoke come out and I'm thinking that we were 90 feet back And I almost had to get up and move because of the heat Yeah, imagine jumping into the heart of the fire and inhaling, you would incinerate your life. The smoke is what gets you. Yeah, well, you don't burn the lives of the smoke, right? No, smoke and the extreme heat probably just held it right there, but like in house fires, they say it's the smoke. It's the smoke most the time. Yeah. That intense heat, though, for even a couple of seconds, like you said, you breed that shit in, you're done. They said he lived, but i i i don't think you

that i saw him laying there he might have but he got in they put him in the ambulance and then they said the next morning he died but i don't know how he's right clearly on every that was going to say he had to be on malle or the whole kid it's hard because of red articles about it and they said he wasn't but i don't know if that's

PR but he was jumping around you forrically like he was. He looked elated. He looked happy. Is that him right there? He was prancing. That's him. He looks like he's a man. He's an avatar.

He was an athletic guy and he looked happy and everyone was, at first everyone was cheering because they thought he was just playing tag with the security guys. And then all of a sudden, he just turned and dove in. He decided to die, you know. And what's sad, he apparently he was there with, I think, 12 or 15 friends. So they had to watch it. And then apparently I think he had a wife and kids.

And it was just really good. That's, oh my God. So he, and it was just really good. Oh my God, and he'd even make it like to the... Dude, you're the son there. Look at that, that's an inferno. That must have been hard for you. That guy, or one of those guys, went and ran in and grabbed him by the foot.

That guy's a badass, that shit is traumatizing. That'll ruin your fucking burning man experience. Sorry to bring that up. No, you know what I did at the, when it happened, I was sitting with about 15 friends. And everyone was just kind of shocked and mortified. And I sort of immediately, I don't know why or how,

but and I don't know if it was the appropriate thing to do, but I immediately took a leadership role. And after about five minutes, I gathered all of them up in a circle, and I said, guys, let's join hands and pray. Yeah. Because we've just seen someone pass or we assume they had passed. and this is going to affect us and I I think

whether you believe in God or in in any type of entity whatever you believe in I think it's This is important that we channel and pray right now Because I think going forward you might look back and go I'm we did. And I don't know if it helped anyone, but it sure helped me because- Well, there's an energy, right? Something happens to you. I don't give a fuck who you are. Something like that happens to you.

Something's going on here in your body, right? If you have nothing to fall back on, right? So if you're left to contend with that, that can lead to shit, that can lead you down paths you're not aware of. Like you don't know what I'll do It might make you cynical. It might make you hysterical. It might make you angry But but this I really believe as I get older that look into the sky and and

Having somewhere to put that Energy yeah, yeah, and really what you're doing is giving it up to something you don't understand that's bigger than yourself. That's what you're really to. That's what it was. That's what it was. There are navigate through it. Therapy will probably lead you to the same place, right? So sometimes therapy will like the idea would be, okay, this happens in the world. I can tell you not to worry about it. I can give you tools to cope with it. But ultimately, you're gonna have to have some kind of faith that there's a reason for that. If you don't and you go in a cynicism and you say,

well, that's life and it's a word, just monkeys on a rock and we're all gonna die and there's no point to anything. Good luck with that. That doesn't lead you to a good luck with that nihilistic approach. I've seen it. I'm not gonna say that.

I agree, and that's why I sort of pulled the other group members into it, because in Hollywood, a lot of the times, people will make fun of you for being a person of faith or believing in God or believing in anything. Okay, believing in God. So I just said to yourself, I didn't know what their belief system was

or how they felt about higher power, but I just said, let's get everyone together really fast and channel this and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and and it didn't because I'm used to being in a leadership role, but I also, it surprised me that I just instinctually did it. And I think I did it for me. I knew I needed it, but I also saw these other friends of mine just all ever was in the days and I thought, I think something's telling me I need this, they need it to, and if we do it together, it might be, you know, triple is powerful and we all held and there were tears and it was, wow, it was, I mean, I think you're a bit of a shaman.

Yeah. Yeah. Who's going to heaven first, me or Brendan? And it's okay. Heaven? He just recently got to. got you say heaven well heaven yeah Okay, well you do have the mark of the beef on your head Yeah, that's not you'll be down there with Damien

Horsesauce, but it's the beef not curly fries No, what the fuck? What the fuck? But it's the beef, not curly fries. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef.

It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef, not the beef.

It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef, not the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the beef. It's the the great one of the greats. Maybe you know from dumb and dumb or something about Mary Everything half-base still doing it stand up killer. Yeah, she a question. What dude? Do I look tired? You look tired. You know, I do why are you not sleeping on a helix mattress? They took my helix from me bro. That's what happens stop sleeping on hey stop sleeping on marble I've been trying to be like liver king. No, don't do the bamboo thing. Let me explain. I need Helix, dude. Helix has 14 unique mattresses,

including a collection of luxury models. A mattress for big and tall like you, and even a mattress made just for kids. My kids start there, yes. I do the night, dude. Yes, you can take a Helix sleep quiz and find your perfect mattress in under two minutes and your personalized mattresses

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You hot sleeper. If you hot sleeper or cool sleeper, he looks gotcha. We gotcha. A hundred nights you tried risk-free. You don't love it. But you got to get it for you. Yup, you got to do what I did.

And this is why I sleep like a baby unless I'm sleeping on bamboo like the liver king. All you do is take the healy sleep quiz and I was matched with a perfect big and tall model mattress just for me. All right, now I get hard, I like it firm, I sleep on my side. On your tummy?

No, on my side, not on my tummy. I don't have my seat on there tummy, but we'll know that. Yeah, I'm not a baby. That's crazy. All right, so Helik is off and he guys up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for the finally kid listeners and viewers. Go to heliksleep.com slash fighter. That's H-E- go to helixleap.com slash fighter.

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You remember these guys, don't you? They look like they died. Uh-huh. But it's not easy to see someone die. I've seen two people die in my life and the second one was a nine year old boy. That would make it worse, because I would assume, before you tell, that's right, I would assume what made this a little bit easier to cope with is his decision.

At least you didn't see him get pushed. You didn't see him get shot. That's right. At least he was like, this is how I want to do it. That's a good point. So part of that, it's like, all right, well, that's his choice. I can deal with that. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Nine-year-old boy would, that's where he gets that. That one's hard, because that one was sort of my fault, too. The nine-year-old boy. What? What do you mean? Yeah. You want to hear this one? No.

Yeah. Not if it's too much. Well, it's, you want to hate, it's, like, I had something I have to deal with in my life, but I was up in San Francisco about two years ago, visiting a friend, and I'm driving home in the night. And, you know, between San Francisco and LA, it's pretty empty, right? And I'm going through the never-ending, and then you see the odd random restaurant or truck stop or one of this place, house pie shop. And I'm just passing it and something runs across the road

in the dark, okay? It's not a human, it's an animal. And I'm like, you know, you feel the thumping and you know, what the hell did I, and you kind of look in the river near, but it's dark, so you can't tell. So I just keep going. I keep going and I'm like, okay,

it was an animal I felt horrible. I get all the way home. I hear like a noise when I stop the car. I look up jammed under my grill, a bobcat. Have you ever seen a bobcat? Yeah. A freaking like a predatory cat. I have a bobcat.

The big paws and it's like, Yeah. Like it's, and I'm like, holy shit. I go and get to one of those, like those ant live animal cages. And I'm like, holy shit, I pull this thing out of here. It's semi unconscious.

And I'm like, fuck, sake, and I look and I got the thing on the ground and it's a female it's lactating it's teats are dripping. Yeah no I hate teats. Teats is the scientific word though. Teats are right it's a weird word. Teats are dribbling. They're dripping.

Yeah these things been through this shit. This thing I drove about 300 miles with this thing under my grill. That's a long way to be caught in a grill while you're lactating. So now I'm emotionally connected to this thing because now I know if the teats are dripping, there's some toddlers back up by Hal's pies. Fuck.

And so I got this thing stuffed in the live animal cage. The next morning I drive all the way back. I said those those babies need the mama yeah right it was I had to drive 300 miles back with this thing in the case and now I love animals I love cats that's all kids need the mom yeah that's right the kids need the milk they need the teet milk yeah and she's probably swollen at this point this you know yeah the full and so this thing's not happy being in the cage. No.

So the further north I get, the more enraged this thing gets. Right. Oh, you brought, you brought Mama Cat with you. Well, I brought to bring it back. I'm going back to house house. Sorry. I thought you're going to go get the kid. He's bringing them back to your house.

No, I'm going to go get it off. So that they have back in their wild environment. So sorry. So now the only landmark I have for a point of reference is how it's a pie. So I get up there, I pull into the park and I go over to the far side, open the car, put the live animal cage out.

I open the door and this cat is, I'm scared that it's gonna attack me. Yeah, it's about to. I open the thing, this thing runs out as fate would have it. A family's just coming out of house house of pies. Yeah, and I later learned the kid's name. Scotty McCracken. Scotty McCracken. Nice Scottish kid. When we get emotional, we tend to crack.

We just tell you what it's about. Scotty McCrack we just a lot of the spot the scotty McCracken Scottie McCracken poor Scotty man and this kid came out of the house of pies nine years old and nine scotty you knew he was Scottish had the red air the freckles his teeth he looked like a grouper ah yeah I'm not trying to let them know what pie he had let a little key line pie I didn't know the groupers had teeth.

It doesn't matter. A group of fangled up Scottish nightmare teeth. Yeah. And this kid's walking out with his family. Here's this raging bobcat. Seize this kid's. I don't know if red, you know how bulls charge it. Red, yeah, yeah, the madador cats have that thing too.

Well, you have a bobcat. And have obcats and how cats do. Keyline pie triggers that. Right, and so off he goes, makes a bee line at the Scotty McTrak and the red. The red, squatty McTrak. On his throat, down, rips his fucking throat, blood everywhere, lemon meringue, keyline pie all over the place.

Oh no. And then this cat, I guess it got out and just bolted into the woods and took a B-line ran out and got hit by a truck. And then it's a wheeler. So Mama Cat got hit by a fucking truck. Mama Cat got hit. After all that work, after all that, now the babies are perished or just you adopt the babies.

No, the babies heard their mother. They came running out and they got hit. And they got hit. They got hit Eight the key line pie beforehand so they weren't starving. Yeah, well, that was a tough one But so I sort of feel like I Scottie McCrockin was So Scottie McCrockin was was was well if you could not make fun of his voice I mean he said in Scottish you said he was Scottish. I know, but it's not like he eats at McDonald's just because he's dead. Well that's what he said in Scottish, he said he was Scottish. I know but it's not like he eats at McDonald's just because he's not in. I'm saying that you said his name was Scottie McRacken.

Scottie McRacken. Right, so he was with his family and the cat, the bobcat took his throat. It took his throat and there was still lying, everywhere. Everywhere, now did he perish or did you mend his throat? He had like a seizure. He was, you know, the blood was leaving his body. He was spasming all over the park in Lottlads. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And this is a boy, a seretic goes back to Edinburgh. And don't forget you can hear the cats going, eh, of their being dragged down the highway. Griemen, and then you hear the babies popping on the road with the 18 wheeler goes up. Poppin! Poppin! Yeah, the baby! Poppin! Poppin! Like a bubble wrap when you get seven or eight of them together They just pop pop pop pop pop!

It's terrible! Say! Almost kind of fun! Ah, the same thing! What? Almost... Well, I didn't mean the last part. Fan? Did you say fan?

No, I said family. Fan. Oh, fan. Fan. Yeah. But, so Scott in Macracken is bleeding, right? Right, he's bleeding. You've got a fix, he's through it.

You can't fix it, though, we can't slip it so wide. It's like looking at Raquel Welch's spread eagle as a gynacologist. Right, right. But then you must have in some way felt that it was a good thing that this fucking cat that took Scott and McCrackens through. Right. That there's this divine retribution

because the fucking car and it's stupid. Where got popped on the fucking highway. Right, that's right. So in a way, in a way the parents and the family must have felt some vindication and that they were avenged by their maker. Well what, they earned their wealth under my cracking families, I felt so bad about the wee lad.

I went into the house, house of pies, and I purchased a chocolate cream pie and gave it to the family. I would have eaten it myself because my stomach is all queasy when I sit cats daily. That's the difference between me and you lad. If I murder a boy, I buy the family a pie.

If you murder a boy, you eat the pie yourself. Well, that's the way I am. I can wanker. Well, I can, I can, but, hey, I didn't think, I didn't think I'd go on that guy's, I didn't go on the burning man, we go down such a door.

Pretty dark, I'm pretty dark as Joe's with that. No, he's been through a lot, he's been through a lot, but you did make it right with a pie, and the, the motto. He was the time, but you know. Yeah, the motto of the story is if you, if you get a Bobcat caught in your grill, you kill that Bobcat.

I think you meant to say the moral of the story, because a motto was kind of like a saying. A mori. Like a motto would be kill kid get pie. That would be the motto. That would be the motto. The moral is, the moral is, if you got a bobcat stuck in your fucking grill, then I don't care if it's lactating.

You know, let it milk out. Let it milk out. Or I think the moral of the story is if you see a bobcat on the highway, you speed up. You speed up. There you go. You speed up. What's the moral of the story if you're scuba diving? And a mori eel comes out at you and bites you.

I've had that experience but it didn't bite me. So would that be the moray of the story? Pause. Just stay. Pause. Don't point at me, bro. I'll fly over this Brendan and fucking take you down, guy. Jesus Christ.

I'll fly right over Brendan and fucking slap you now. You got a crazy, I've already, I've already, Rick Glassman already slapped the shit out of me in the last episode. And you have a crazy looking, right? I got crazy, right? It's a haircut. Since he walked in.

It's infuriating. Well, I know. When was the last time you got in a dust stop? You get in a, you ever get in a dust stop? Oh, yeah, I was vacuuming yesterday and Mike, my, Hold on. That's an expression for a fight, for a fist fight on the street.

Okay, okay, if you're, are you seriously asking? Yeah, okay. I was, who messes with Harlem? Harlem, yeah. I'd be surprised, people go, ah, you think you're all famous because you were in that fucking movie, it's that. That movie, but I bet when you go to like Burning Man,

I'm sure people, there's fire. That's one of the, that's one of the, oh, yeah, yeah. I bet all of them like, you're bumping by here, get, get, get, get, get, oh, oh, yeah, I bet all them like a bump in pie here Get well, I do get recognized a burning man But it's hard to get recognized there because everyone's got goggles and they're covered in dust and it's people can really go Incognito and like then the Boeing shouldn't know man I wear jeans and an old t-shirt

You got to buy a bunch of gear to go to burning man because there's dust storms every day there's twirling dust storms that blow through the whole thing. No, but here's the thing, everyone says that, but it's almost like part of the uniqueness of it and it unifies everyone because whether you're a hot, victorious, secret model or Elon Musk or Leonardo da Capri, whoever's there, the dust kind of unifies everyone. I would go with them. Yeah. And I'm gonna dress up as a bobcat.

Whoa, bro. Little ears. How about you dress up as a pie, or maybe Scotty McCrack and a little roughy. McCrack and I'll get that'd be adorable. Fracles. I did get in a dust up recently though. And yeah, I volunteer

down at at the Mount Pleasant senior center Every every Saturday I go down every Saturday I go down and I can give back and I go to the senior center and what I do is I I sponge bath the oldies. I like to put you call them oldies Or not in front of them, but I know what you mean. I don't know that I appreciate. I'm sorry, I interrupt them.

You sponge bath. I wasn't called the wrinkles. So you give the oldies a sponge bath. I give the oldies a sponge bath, and I like to put seven or eight in the tub at a time. We're listening. Well, I'm a gin. Sorry, you just helping out.

So you put a lot of them in a tub. I put a lot so I can get them all at the same time. And I liked to drizzle onion water on them. Just it's good for why onion water. Well, it's good. Have you ever had psoriasis? I have. I never used onion water. I'm sorry. I keep that. Wow. This is news. I apologize. So Mrs. Parkinson one, uh, Mrs. Parkinson one time I was, I was drizzling onion water on her. Okay, you know what? I'm not literally listening to. I know, but you, I see you, you're chuckling and I'm not chuckling. Chin's not mature. And you, chin needs to grow up. And then also you had psoriasis, you could have called him, drizzled on your body. I just appreciate you take your Saturdays

and you sponge bath the oldies. You oldies, yeah. And you grew up on. Yeah, and one time, Mrs. Parkinson, I got, I drizzled, I had this sponge from bed bath and beyond, I got the big ones, the orange ones, and I was drizzling, yeah, I was drizzling onion water on her face and I got in her eyes.

And she stood up and you know, I don't know if you've ever been in a fight with the lady from the shining who's in the bathtub, but this one stood up and she co-cocked me, bro. I don't know what she used to do when she was younger. Yeah. Bam, I'm on the floor. I bounced back up like Gumbee that just, you know,

sniffed a searchon fart. And I'm like, bam, bam, bam, right in her face. In the face, she kicked me, just missed the jewels. And because she was a little off balance, uppercut, bam, right under her teeth fly out. Oh, teeth. Stick in the fucking wall.

Yeah. Down. And then you really get the other old people,. Oh, jeez. Stick in the fucking wall. Yeah. Down. Yeah, and then you look at the other old people, you know, who else wants some? Yeah. I said, anyone else want a party? Yeah. Now, are you naked when you sponge?

No, no. I wear a plastic suit, like a hazmat suit. Yep. You don't catch anything. Yeah, I don't. Well, I didn't know you were into, uh, into charity, but you're obviously going to heaven before any of us are. Yeah, I have a great charity. I don't know if I'm allowed to mention it on your show.

I have a charity called Cinnamon Angels Fly Fly Away and it's for children with cinnamon allergies. And it's a great foundation. We put all the money towards the foundation to help kids with cinnamon allergies. Great. It's sponsored by cinnamon bun well It's good joke. It's good. Well, I don't know if we should joke about children with that cinnamon allergies I feel like you could give back more of it's like peanut allergies, right? That's a lot of charities for that, but cinnamon angels fly fly away, just specifically deals with children with cinnamon allergies. Now I'm going to take the conversation.

I want to get your perspective on, on we're all getting older. Yeah. And the world's changing quickly. Yeah. Right? And the business is changing at a hundred miles an hour. Like, 100 million. 100 million. Yeah, I don't you feel like, don't you? I don't know. This is how I feel. I feel like an all bullshit aside. I feel like the business is changing so quickly that if you said,

what are you going to be doing in five years? I don't know. Hopefully stand up and hopefully everything. Five years, five months. You literally, like, constantly changing. Literally. And trying to stay relevant in this world with so much noise. Yeah. Like, I don't, do you ever get exhausted with that? Do you ever? No, I look forward to it. And what I do is I record on my iPhone

every single stand-up show I do, whether I'm doing 20-minute spot or a full hour like concert at a theater or wherever I am, I record them all because I'm looking forward to the day when I don't even have to tour and they're going to take all these recordings and turn them into holograms or turn them into some type of artificial intelligence where people can press a button and I can appear in their living room as some form of technology. That's a jack-and-run. Do you get it with Elvis doing with Michael Jackson?

The only problem, I guess when you're older and you can't travel because you're health or whatever but then you're going to miss out on the you know the juice. Well will you know some at 80? We'll you know. We'll you know. You're saying way down the road yeah these are these are recordings that i already have so they'll be able to use i've got hundreds of shows i've recorded so down the road in this technology hits when i can't be on the road anymore

people can still watch an original show no i think bruce willis was the first to sell his name and lightness once that happens he was like the first major living. So fucking weird. But I mean, that makes a lot of sense. That's fucking weird. It's weird, but it's cool.

It's like. So you're optimistic. I'm optimistic that we live in perpetuity if we have the material. So I would recommend that every comedian record every show they ever do and just keep it. Now, if I do, I do with my shows, I usually do something different every set

because I do a lot of crowd work. I was gonna say, yeah, the crowd work fucking incredible. We went before on the laugh, I did the tough crowd, there's some good comics on there. And even you and I were sitting there and we're like, man, a tough and then,

I'm like, the manager and I was like, man, this fucking crowd tonight, she's like, Harlan, watch Harlan. I told you, I told sitting there and you're like, man, tough and then, I'm like, man, a journalist like, man, this fucking crowd and I, she's like, Harlem, watch Harlem. I told you, I told I'm watching, in the crowd work and you just got up there and was like, what are you from? And it was off to, I told the story, I told the story six times, but it's worth repeating. I'm maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen

done by a comic on stage. I'm not joking,, we're in Pittsburgh. And like it was me, Steve Burnett, it was like all headliners. This was at a big theater in Pittsburgh for this radio station. They put it on. And Harlem was closing. And it was like one, not, but everybody was good. And everybody was fucking did their thing.

He was a trash that room. And then Harlan had to get up and to me this is I think about it. I've never seen anything like this. He you're watching him and the audience is watching him and he's doing all of our all of our sets. He does them back to the audience, but he's adding his thing on it. Right. And it took the people a while, they were like,

is he drunk, he's doing the same jokes, and then he would start, then he would add his thing into it. Give up. And the dude, we're all like this. And then the audience, it was like, because he had to follow everybody who was crushing it. And then he just absolutely destroyed for about 45 minutes. And that's when I was like, oh, there are levels to this month.

Brian talks about that once a week. Once a week, man. Yeah. But I just, I couldn't believe, first of all, you remembered everybody's set. Second of all, you were able to take it and twist it into your own. But he did that to me at the Lafactory one time. On the spot, too. Yeah.

At the Lafactory one time, he did a whole thing at the lab factory one time on the spot. Yeah at the lab factory one time He did a whole thing where I did the butter police where I take libel and you know and I'll do it all that They was and he fucking at he just started doing that then you started coughing and going You you had you know you had to smile flu and you know, I'm sure it's nothing and Dude, I don't know. I had to be there. Well, that comes from, I like to challenge myself when I get up on stage just about every time. Yeah.

And so when I do theater shows with groups of comics, like, I think the most I did was 10 once. Jesus. And so what I do is I sit at the back, or if I can't get to the back, I'll stand at the side and I'll watch everybody's act. And everybody's act is usually you know 12 to 20 minutes long when you do a thing that

long. And you know the crowd's getting tired and if I'm closing I go I want to do something to. So I'll watch everyone's act and then I'll listen for a piece and I go okay I like that piece that they just did about chasing a dog. And then I'll listen to the next person's piece and maybe they'd do a bit about someone broke into their house. And then the next person does a bit about their grandmother or whatever.

So I'll find a piece in everyone's act and I'll find a way to join them together. So now I'm chasing my dog and I had to break into somebody's house. And then I found their grandmother. So I'll take a piece of everyone's act and form a story with a piece of everyone's act until I have a full bit. And the hardest part is remembering everyone's act. Well the hardest part is making it as fun as you do. That's what's a degree of difficulty there.

He's doing it on the spot you start you start stand up in uh... trono tronon yeah yeah yeah it was just how long ago oh I started in the early eighties I mean I I worked at a club I remember seeing um Sam kineson going up in front of me bobcat goldwaith all these who are your heroes did you have any comics that what we're here as comics or your heroes authors i i i love stand-up comedy obviously but i i never that those weren't really my influence i think i was influenced more by comedic actors like the the guys from second city on cani john cani martin short joe flirty

uh... herald ramas david hummus Martin Short, Joe Flarety, Harold Rames, Dave Thomas, Eugene Levy, Catherine Hara. So you would stand up in Toronto and then you would come to LA right started getting your chops in LA too and then? No, I started in Toronto, I did about six years and then I knew I wanted to get to LA, and it was just about to go and ended up going to Germany and living in Germany for a year and a half. And then from Germany, I ended up making my way to LA after about seven years of building my...

Wait, you were in Germany? Yeah. What were we doing in Germany? I was doing computer animation. So, what? Yeah. Wait a minute. That was your major. That was your major animation. I studied animation. Yeah. In college. Yeah, so what happened is my buddy in college, Bob and Jelene, he went over after college to work in Germany at an animation studio. And just by fate that winter, I phoned him to say,

what are you doing for Christmas? And he goes, oh, I'm here in Germany alone. I said, dude, I don't want you to be alone. I'm coming over for two weeks to hang out and spend the holidays with him. So I went over and I just written an illustrated a series of children's books called Lickety Split about a little dinosaur.

And he hadn't seen them yet. So I took like five of them over. There was a whole series to give to him. And the day after I got there, he got fired from his jobs. And I was like, Jesus, so I say, you know, I'm a bit of an entrepreneur. So I said, Bob, call your boss as I set up a meeting. I'm gonna go in with my children's books and see if I can sell them an animated series so that, you know, we can do an animated show. So I go in the next day with my kids' books. I show them, I do the whole pitch.

They brought out a bottle of champagne and said, let's do it, we love it. I said under one condition, you hire my buddy bob back so they said yes and next you know i'm there year and a half working on this project my buddy bob there right back in here for your buddy isn't you get your job back and i'll get a job right within full circle then full circle, I guess. Obviously, animations in your background, and then you have a show now, my kids watch it. Yeah, it is a show right now. Is it Nickelodeon?

Disney. Disney. Disney Puppy Dog pals. Puppy Dog pals. Oh my God. I'm big show. It's in its fifth season and it's like their top show on Disney Disney.

Yeah, my youngest boss. Disney Junior, Disney Plus. Yeah, obsessed with it. Oh my God. top show on Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney,

, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney,, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, , Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney,, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, Disney, It could be in the system for half a day, just to make like two steps. It would take hours and hours and hours.

And now, you know, cut to, you know, now I'm doing puppy dog pals where we do, I think we do 70 shows a season. Jesus wow. And it's crazy. That's all created. Yeah, I created it. You created that whole, you created that show.

That's it. Yeah. And I do the voice, one of the voice. That's why you came Yeah, I created it. You created that whole, you created that show. That's it. Yeah. And I do the voice, one of the voices. That's why you came here in helicopter. Yeah. Well, it's all yours to Burning Man. Is that your creation, Harlem? Yeah, I created that show.

I went in and pitched it to Disney. And it was a very funny process. They, you know, we went in to pitch them some animation ideas and I pitched them about four or five animation ideas and they're like, great, thanks for coming in and I said, thanks for having me. And I was literally like getting up out of my chairs about this high up, I was like, just standing up.

And the lady goes, do you have any other ideas? And I go, well, in my head, I'm gonna be alright because I knew I had a bunch of money. Yeah, because you knew that didn't work, yeah. Yeah, and I went, well I have this one called Puppy Dog Pals and I sat down and pitched it in about like four minutes. I just kind of told him the comment, they go, okay, thanks.

And cut to, you know, five years later, it's like the top show on Disney. Holy shit. And Tom Kinney, is that the comic, Tom Kinney Kenny Tom does the voice of SpongeBob but he does the voice he was a comic yeah he was a stand-up he's SpongeBob's voice and he does these are some of the people that do show voices on my show oh my god um we've got Sherry O'Terry I got her in there to do a voice she's great Huey Lewis does a voice. Tom Cainey who just spent far. Yeah.

Oh my God. I mean, do you know any other Huey Lewis? All right. Come on, guys. All right. I didn't know. Who's your nutty friend? All right, dude.

Bruce Springsteen, the singer. Yeah. Yeah. Look, and you have Bruce Springsteen. Bruce, I'm sure you're a Terry's great, man. We had a lot of guests, some Bill Burd did a couple of guest voices. Yeah, that's what I like when I can hear.

It's people, obviously, my son's watching it, so I'm like, okay, here we go. Yeah. But then when you hear a different voice, my brother's cool. Yeah, we met a lot of fun guest voices. How was he who he's Louis to? And is he doing that?

He's good. We actually got him to do one song. He said he wasn't gonna sing, and they were able to talk him into doing one original song on the show. So, yeah. Is he still touring stuff? I think to be honest,

I think his hearing's going a little bit, so I don't know how much he does anymore, but he's... And I assume a lot of those people want on there because the kids watch the show. Yeah, that's what Bill Burdid, he loved the show of his kids, and then I reached out to him. I said come on in Let's get you doing a voice and he did he did a couple of episodes and I think he scored a lot of points with his kids for that Yeah, the biggest is that one and then

Paw Patrol Paw Patrol was out before Do you do how do you get paid for that? Do you rent your show to Disney? No, you have to make a deal with them where you you kind of have to go through all the steps from what your role is as a creator, the producer, piece of the merchandise.

I'm just gonna say merch to that. Massive, I just got Boston, yeah, it's birthday. That's what he wanted. Oh, he got bottom some toys. Thanks, but welcome, hopefully that's, wow. Hopefully he'll give. Yeah, it's birthday. That's what he wanted. Oh, you get bottom some toys. Thanks. But welcome. Hopefully that makes. Wow. Hopefully you give you a good cut on that. Oh, I get how I got the helicopter. And you're able to take the time on Saturdays to sponge bath over a mountain pleasant senior center. Yeah. What a good guy. Yeah. So besides crushing on the puppy dog pals. I see. So you're doing stand up and then Toronto and then you go to Germany,

you do well there with the animation, they come to LA. And then really the huge kind of breakout was the dumb and dumber, right? I feel like that's the most quoted thing almost from the dumber. That was my first movie, yeah. I'm your first movie. It's my first movie, yeah.

You did a bunch of stuff after that. After that, yeah, that sort of opened the doors. Do you like making movies or do you hate it? I love it. I mean, well, the process can be very tedious at times as you know, but it it's like getting there for standup. It's like the travel. Yeah, it's waiting in the trailer and like I just we just shot half baked two. What? And to Neil Brennan, right? No, no, it's a whole new group. I just did a cameo on it It's a whole new group of kids Jim ruin it. I don't think Jim did anything, but Rachel true myself and and

Jeff Ross and David Keckner. Oh wow some funny people on it. Yeah, and then with Dumber Dumber did Did you have to audition in front of Jim Kerry? They're because oh yeah, yeah, I had to read, I had to read with Jim Carey several times. Yeah. And Jeff Daniels is just Jim Carey. No, at the end of the process, it was down to me and Jeff Daniels. I remember sitting in the lobby at the final audition with, it was me and Jeff Daniels sitting there. And they decided, because at the time was it the role of the highway patrol officer? Or was it?

No, this was for the lead role next to Jim. Oh, damn it. So you didn't get that, so then. Well, I'm sitting in the lobby. I'm a kid from Toronto who's never done a thing acting wise. And I'm sitting beside Jeff Daniels who's been nominated for Oscars, and I thought, I think I know which way this was gonna go,

but they loved me. And so I was right there down to me and him and then because the guys loved me they offered me the highway patrol role. They said they we feel bad but would you want to do this role? I said yeah you guys don't owe me anything I'd love to so. It was hilarious role. Oh thank you. Yeah it was really fun so. I'm fucking pie here. Get it freaked. Yeah. So you keep your mouth shut if you know it's good for you. Yeah, it was really fun. So pumpkin pie here. Get it freak. Yeah Keep your mouth shut if you know it's good for you. Yeah, yeah Sipping back on empty old cough medicine. Yeah, yeah, I was Did you improvise a lot of those lines to a lot of it? I'd say I'd say half of it half of it I improvised and they were laughing their ass off at it

Well, yeah, and the Farley's basically said to me that you basically said to me that we did about five or six takes off the script. And again, this is my first movie, so I was terrified. And they said, okay, Harlan, that's good now. We wanna do some more takes. And I said, okay, and they said, now do it your way. And I go, what do you mean? And they said, do it the Harlan way. And at first I was like, wait then I wasn't I just went fuck

I'm not gonna I'm not gonna stall like they just open the gates for me So we went did it again, and then I just improvised all this stuff and in which take made that which one I'd say 50% of all the improvised stuff made it fairly brothers are great guys and you know about how they grew up Do you ever hear the story about his dad was a doctor, right? Yeah. So it's like two brothers and I think maybe they had a sister or whatever and mom and just an Irish family. I ever tell you the story.

So this is how fucked up this how great this family was but also dad and mom. It was all about comedy in that household. That was a doctor. I think mom is a housewife. And so it's a Sunday morning. The boys have been out and Peter sits down. They're going to watch the full-game. Peter goes, ah, Jesus. And he goes, what's up?

He goes, my ass hurts. And then he goes, what? And he goes, my ass, it's killing me. And he goes, what do you mean your ass? He goes, my ass hole. It feels like it's on goes, what do you mean you're ass? He goes, my ass hole. It's like, it feels like a time of fire, man. It's, ah, how old is he? 25?

Oh, okay. Oh, 25. Okay. 27? So it's like, what do you mean you're ass? It's what, what do you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you asshole or something like that. And this dad goes, his dad's a doctor, he goes, like your asshole, he goes, yeah, man, I can't even,

I can barely sit on this thing. And he goes, let me see your asshole. And he goes, I don't wanna show you my asshole. Cause let me see your asshole, my doctor, please, let me show you my asshole. It's fucking, that's not normal. Yeah. And he's like, I don't wanna show you my asshole.

Cause let me see your asshole. You know, this is, you know, so Peter, this way that's his dad Peter goes, I'm behind. Take some hands off and he bends down and no, and his dad looks at us and he's got a condom in his asshole. And his dad goes, his dad goes, his dad goes, oh Jesus, man, show your mom, show your mom. And so it's like, whatever's name, that when I heard it, and then she comes in and goes, oh God, and that was a joke he did on his dad. I stuck, oh yes, I stuck a condom in my hand.

But then, so you went dumb and dumb and then the next big thing was something about Mary, because even in that scene with the Farley brothers, you know, he's like, well, what's the come out with six minute have you. Yeah, six minute came and break a sweat and six minutes. Yeah, that same thing. You play two or kill in some bad man.

They let me improvise the whole thing, yeah. But I forget all these things. My next movie after, Dumb and Dumber was actually a movie called Down Periscope, which was a submarine movie. I audition for that. You did? Oh yeah, I audition for that.

Oh, I wish you got it. We would have had so much fun. I think they wanted me to play the big, the bad ass guy But I wasn't bigger strong enough. I didn't like that guy right there. Yeah that guy Brad He was a cool guy, but oh it was so fun. Yeah, it was a submarine movie with Kelsey Graham cast Yeah, it was a blast Who is the gal?

Holly Right How? Holly, uh, Oh, right. You said, You're a Harry Marrieder. Yeah, I'm not married for Lord. You can't make a few of his co-stars. Yeah, yeah. You're for a beautiful one. Yeah, you've proposed to me, but I wasn't having it. No, you've not.

How'd that movie do? It did, uh, sort of, medium range, you know, it wasn't a monster. I mean, how many people are lining up to go see a submarine movie, you know, like... Rob Schneider, is that it? Yeah, Rob. Kelsey Graver. Yeah, Rob. Kelsey Graber. Yeah.

But then the Farley Brothers must have liked you because then if you don't dumb her and then the next, I mean, they're big boys. Some about Mary was massive. Yeah, yeah, that was, that was, You know what's funny about that when I see that? Some about Mary? Just, I remember auditioning for that.

Like there are so many actors that have become and gone. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like you see that, and I remember auditioning for that like there's so many actors that have come and gone Yeah, do you know what I mean? Like you see you like you see that and I remember a lot of them were working a lot They'd have a spate that they'd run they'd ever run for about three years and then you never fucking hear about them again Yeah, let me see is red carpet outfit. Do you remember how many movies judge Ryan whole was in? Remember that's the him and the nope go back the images. See him down on the record. Yeah, what's the outfit there? Oh, a jumper. See I dig that.

Well that was for, uh, what's that about Mary Choney? Oh yeah, that's something. God, I don't even remember that. I've never seen that. Jumper and you had the chops. Yeah, yeah, I give that up. I know.

Good night, Nelly Frittado. I've never heard anybody use that expression, but I hear you on that. Yeah. Yeah. You were, um, unconventionally handsome. Well, at the red carpet for down periscope, I sort of took the whole acting thing as a joke. I never took it very seriously. My whole ammo with entertainment is its entertainment.

Let's have fun. So I never really took anything too seriously and so when I did the the The thing for the red carpet for down periscope I went to the costume store and you know william H. Macy was in the movie and all these all these Serious actors were in the movie and I bought a Thesbian costume, like an old Shakespearean with black stripe leotards and a cap with the feather and like the ruffled shoulders and everything. And, you know, they sent a limo for me,

and I remember my girlfriend at the time was a serious actress and she wasn't really too happy about it. And I pop out, I remember popping out of the limo, they opened the door and I jumped out, I remember popping out of the limo, they opened the door, and I jump out dressed as a Thesbian and Kelsey Grammers just standing there like glaring at me. And I was inside, I was dying. I was just sort of mocking the whole like, actually. He's a sweetheart though. Oh, he was a nice guy, but I don't think he liked the whole, the 14th century Thesbian experience.bian, especially when he's the lead.

Did you ever see Kelsey Grammer's tragic family story? No, I was pretty good. You ever see that? No. Such a nice guy, like literally his entire family died. Like Bobcat. Bobcat. Oh, it's Bobcat.

Let's like, what's his name? Colbert. Yeah, well his, no, his two brothers and dad died in the plank of my show this is different like this is like uh... fifty years since his cousin younger sister was brutally murdered when she was eighteen uh... i think just heard of it now he had a bunch of other we'll click on that jen

his father was murdered by anti white cab driver during a wave of racial violence anti white cab driver his sister was kidnapped and murdered in color spains horrible and two and a half brothers died in the scuba diving I've got a lot of death I mean the guy fucking like you can't catch a break Yeah, that's a curse to you two of your brothers died scuba diving I'm not going to Christmas at that house No, and the nicest man in the world. Yeah, that's hard breaking. Good night.

Good night. That way for a total. Take a little break from chatting with these two older gentlemen, because I'm here to talk to you about a company that I ride and I ride hard for. I'm talking about my friends at Rogue, nicotine. If you're a regular viewer, a fire in the kid,

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For more information, visit rognicotine.com. Now let's get back to the program. Very good for Jesus. Look, we've been talking about a lot of dark stuff, and I kind of lighten the mood here. Do you guys like crafts? Yeah, yeah. You do? I like crafts.

Yeah. Oh, great. Well, I do this thing on this. Do you have a side hustle? Yeah. I do a thing I call crinkle crafts. And it's craft season. And I call it crinkle crafts because crafts are kind of fun and cute. And cute stuff makes you like kind of crinkle your, you ever do it? Little nose. All in. Yeah. So cute. and cute stuff makes you like kind of crinkle your, you ever do it like-

Little nose, I'll leave it. Yeah, so cute. But this is a hit at the, when you're giving the old people a- Well, this is for old folks, this is for young, this is for a craft's kind of cross the- It's omnivorous, it sits. Yes, great word, nobody knows. And so crinkle crafts, if you guys are up for it,

I could bring it on. I brought one of my craft kits and we can do it. So, crinkle crafts, if you guys are up for it, I could bring it on. I brought one of my craft kits and we can do it. We can do a little if we have time. Yeah, I wondered why you brought that bag and it always makes me nervous. I don't know if there's a small bobcat in there. No, no, but there is a small baby.

Oh, yeah. These two is part of this crinkle. If you could hold that for a former Brennan, that'd be great. This is great. Okay, hold the baby. And this is all stuff people can do at home. Okay, let me get some of the gear out.

Okay, that's sweet relish though. And we got a hot dog involved. There will be a lot of stuff. You're searching your bag like an old man. It's so funny you said that because that part of it is Is this and then part of it is a hot dogs are the second part. Oh, we're gonna have fun. I like this Okay, do you do this at Burning Man? No, this is something I do at community centers I've got a showing tonight at the Armenian Community Center in Glendale if you guys have time to drop by that's great community

The Armenian community so these are a lot of fun if you'll have time to drop by. That's great community, the Armenian community. So these are a lot of fun. If you'll hand me the doll and this is a lot of fun. So our first craft, we call it peanut butter eyes. I don't know if you guys have ever seen the crinkle craft. So what we do is we- No, but that's crunchy peanut butter, and I know which I like.

Yeah, that was just like- So what you do is you just dip into, with a spoon or a spatula. Does that have to be crunchy? That's being crunchy, it means- I like crunchy because of the texture. Yeah. What do you do when you just dip into with a spoon or a spatula? Does that have to be crunchy? It's just moving. I like crunchy because of the texture. Yeah.

And this is called peanut butter eyes. And what you do is you just get your, and you just get right over the eyes like that. And then you get a one eye. And then you just, right there, let's get a little more. This is all part of the crinkle craft. Well, if you're gonna laugh. No, no, we're not.

No, I'm not, it's very, you know, it's soothing. As you're doing this, it's soothing. Yeah, and then you got, you got crinkle, well, it's crinkle craft. It's a toy, Brian. No, I got it. It's called peanut butter eyes. And then what we do is if you want to have more fun

with your crinkle crops, we do peanut butter eyes and baby relish head. Oh, I can't. And what we do, you get a bottle of, well, if I could do it my way. Sorry. You get your relish and you just kind of glomp it on baby's head and give it a cute little dollop.

Yeah. And it just makes it, just sort of adds texture to the whole thing. And then if you want, you can scoop for kids. If you want to scoop, you can do peanut butter, relic eyes. See how that clad? Yeah, that, that's kind of.

Please don't get it all over our studio. Well, if you can let me do the, no, we have, we have, we have. That's, are you in or not being? No, I'm in, I'm in. That's beautiful. For the holidays, it's pretty amazing. And then it's so funny, your instinct went to hot dogs

and if you could hold the baby again. Yep, yeah, this is really fun. Chick, we get some napkins or something because he's getting relished everywhere. No, it's not too bad. Okay. All right. No, that's sad.

Here we have, you can smell the relish. I thought you brought hot dogs This is fun and this is this next craft is almost therapeutic. Do any of you chant or meditate? I do I do a lot of Buddhism you do yeah, how often do you? How often do you chant pretty much every morning and night? I'm a Buddhist. Oh great. Okay You like this. I'm a christ. How? Yeah, how? I howl. I know what you do. This is called baby weener face and what you okay? Well, no, no, it's fine. It just what you do is you get a it's funny You had an instinct because you take out the weiner and this is very therapeutic. Hand me the crinkle craft child.

Yep. And what you do guys, you just get the meat and you just roll it up the baby's face. Yeah. And rolling it up and down, it sort of soothes the soul. Tight rolls too. It's very calming. Yeah, that'd be OT, right? Occupational therapy.

Would anyone like to try the crinkle craft? I'm good for my brain. No, I like to learn by watching. Yeah. Well, if you just roll the meat, the weaner all over the baby's fit. Yeah. Now that's that everything here is legal right? Pretty much. Yeah, and sometimes if you're feeling aggressive, if you have an anger man, you can smack. Oh yeah. Yeah, no, it's a smack. Yeah, they're beautiful. Yeah, you can even stow. Okay, okay. Well, this is if you've got anger, but this is therapy and you can stow the baby.

You can stow it in the baby and the kid about her eyes and I think that's, that's, that's, I'm sure if you're really mad, you probably up it to a brat worst. Yeah, you could just slide over out. No, no, no, no, no, I know, but we're making a mess now. Well, I'm trying to, it's crinkle crowd.

I know, I'm serious, enthusiasm. I think that's what, I think that's what, I think this to it's crinkle crows. I know I'm sure is Downer I think this is when you get demonetized. I'm not sure. I don't think so. No, no, it's a toy We should remind people that is a fake babe, and if you think it's real, Brian You know watch the show. You're right Downer trying to help Trying to raise the mood what hey Brian want to talk about death? Trying to help you. You trying to raise the mood? Hey Brian, you want to talk about death? No.

You want another burning man? You want to tell a story? Tells another person's family that died? There's a hot dog, there's half a dog there. Well, that's part of, you know, no one said crafts are easy. No, I'm not saying there are, but so that would be the end of the craft. Yeah, and what we do is, and the money we make selling these craft kits is you can send money to cinnamon angels fly fly away all the proceeds go to that

and you can send it directly to my venmo at harland williams and then we make sure we make sure it's over to them donation we like we like a hundred dollars starting block and help for the kids are maximum because I don't know max no max But at least a hundred to get it started and how much how much of the money goes to running the organization and how much actually goes to the kids Well, sir, it has these questions. Yeah, I feel like I'm being audited sort of I think we could just stay on the creative and not focus so much on the finances who he's helping I'm sorry. Think about the children, someone at a mall near a synabon as you might fall into the ground, ankles puffing up, foam. Eyes bleeding.

You don't want a toilet. You don't want a toilet. You don't want a toilet. I mean, that's the reaction. Well, this is some of them. Some of them. Cinnamon children. It's hard to, you know, we get that smell of synabon.

It's hard to do. I know, I know, I know. Relish right now. I smell relish in hot dogs right now. That would be baby weener face. The relish had peanut butter eyes. I can send you one of my craft kits if you, for the long. I will get our address to you.

Okay. I feel like Brian's judging a little bit. I really feel a little, no, no, I'm not. I sure am, Earl, because you kinda judge them for not, you know, burning man. Yeah. And then you judge them for what happened with the Bobcat and Scottie McClacken. Yeah, kind of like a child later.

Scottie, Scottie, but what's it? What was the name? M-Crocken, cracken, cracken, cracken, cracken, cracken. Scottie McClacken. I just worry sometimes that when you do that with a doll, and you have this essential ritual that looked like a ritual, that sometimes you can conjure spirits,

and sometimes you can open portals to a darker entrance. Well, you would know Mark of the Beef. Yeah. You go back to Epstein Island. Hey, I've never been there. I mean, are you kidding me? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You know what you did? You're not open-minded. No, I've never been there. I mean, are you kidding me? I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. You know what you did? You're not open-minded. No, I'm trying to go on. That's what's going on. You know where he went, you went to Epstein's Island from Welcome Back Codder.

He was over there. Oh, I'll miss the count. Okay, bad joke. You know, I worked with him. You did? I did. So you have been to Epstein's Island. You worked with him past a way.

Do you have a Epstein? No, no, no, with Epstein from Welcome Back Carter. Oh, really old, right? He and Joe Rogan and he played our brother, our oldest brother. He passed away? Pastaway. All right, guys. Wow, what a performance.

Yeah, yeah, no, no, that wasn't part of the performance. Oh, yeah. I thought maybe you acted him to death. You were a, there he is. Oh wow. Great guy. Yeah, Past thought maybe you acted him to death you were a there is oh wow Old school. Yeah, passed away though. He was he was not old again a lot of death I'm glad I brought up I'm not I appreciate you mixing it up otherwise is so dark I think Crinkle crafts really

On death, you know twitch who was the the DJ for My girl woke up, my girl woke up on my pro side. Well, it's three beautiful children. Is my girl, my girl literally ruined Shard self in the chest. Why? He did? Well, shit, if I knew I'm preventing, I don't know what dude. Does anyone want to roll leader?

So my girl used to watch, we have a grill on the back to boy grill. Watch how amazing he is. Oh, you, him dancing, then also with Ellen's stuff. Like then he started to like host the show. He was producing his own is. Oh, you, him dancing, then also with Ellen stuff, like then he started to like host the show, he was producing his own shows. Oh, this is for real? This happened to be a cool thing. The Virgo down death.

Perfect family. Perfect family. His kids were gorgeous. His wife, gorgeous. I know. And they were dancing. Close with him, I'll be Marcus. Oh, man.

Do you know, do we know, what did he suffer from depression? I have no, I would assume I don't know man. It makes no sense. I know as much as this as I do, the guy who ran to the fire. Yeah. It makes no fucking sense man. Yeah, any crazy?

I mean, I don't know what to say about it man. My girl woke up and she just was so messed up. I thought it was like clickbait, because you know, I read the news every morning. Popped up and I was like, it has to be like a weird thing. You know, because he's young, he's 40. Damn, they're my age.

So it's like, I don't see two, also three children. Think about the despair. Fuck, man. Fuck. Maybe she'll give one of those babies out and do the peanut butter thing again. No, no, we're good.

Let's survive. Let's go to Kurt and Vance. Let's go to Kurt and Vance. Let's go to Kurt and Vance. That gets us in a Kurt and Vance. Kurt and Vance with Harlem. It's go to turn events. That gets us in a current events. Current events with Harlem. Good morning, American anchors. Huh? Yeah, she's our greeners or questions. Questions for Harlem. Let's get the questions trouble. So we ask the fans to submit questions for you, Harlem. Thank you. I got my cactus cooler. Oh, yeah. I'm ready for questions.

I've never even heard of cactus cooler. You will. Okay. That your company? Well, there is cinnamon in the ingredient. Oh man. So it's not for everybody. It's not for everybody. Be careful. It's not for everybody. This is a little bit longer, but so Mr. Hallow Williams, my father and I have always been distant. He's 25 years military and I'm the guy in high school who pressed his naked butt cheeks against things. Hello, we bonded for the first time though watching Rocket military and I'm the guy in high school who presses naked butt cheeks against things. Hello, guys. We bought it for the first time though,

watching Rocket Man. I'm 35 and I guess we're laughing our dicks off. Even today, we reminisce about your egg cheese and liverware sandwich. And he calls me John Jacob, jingle Heimberg Schmidt. Is there a movie in which you tie great sentimental value like I do with Rocket Man? Thanks.

Thanks guys and thank you for bringing back fan questions. Good question. John Michael. Good question John Michael. That's a very common type of email and comment that I get from people in real life. For some reason, Rocketman really bonded families. The massive movie. And in particular, it bonded like fathers and sons and daughters. It was a real kind of... Really? Yeah, I get it so much more than any other body of work I've done. Wow.

It's not the Elton John Rocketman. It's the Rocketman. It was a comedy I did about the first guy to go to Mars. I played Rocketman and we're the first people to... Is it a drama or is it comedy? It's a full-on comedy. It's like, but it really drew people together. And I've been rockin' mentioned.

Yeah, and as far as the second question about is there something sentimental about a movie? If I can go back to Dumb and Dumber, there's a line that I improvised in Dumb and Dumber, whereas the highway patrol man I stopped the guys and they're drinking beer and I see the beer bottle and I go give me that bottle of booze and I go have you guys been sucking back on Granddaddy's cough syrup. Yeah. And so that line originated from when I was a little boy I would go to

my grandparents house and my grandfather used to like to have a drink with whatever liquor I don't know what it was, but he called it cough syrup. So he'd say to my grandmother, go mother, bring me some more cough syrup They didn't want the kids to know he was drinking. Yeah, and so when I was improvising that scene because it was booze That popped back into my head and that's where the you boys been sucking back on granddaddy's coughs or Yeah, yeah, what's interesting so that there's his rock demand. This what's weird for me is My dad he didn't know and my dad love he's alive, but he still loves movies. Yeah, so he took me opening nights some about Mary I was when did some about Mary come out chin. I was young Yeah, and that movie is not one of the great

one of the greatest movies of all time. It still holds up. So 1998. So was that seven, so I was, you know, 15, 15 years old and even at 15. So I was fine to go to it. But, you know, I'm with my dad and when Ben filler jacks off and then he's like, we're in the. Oh, yeah. And you know, I'm with my dad and you know, when Ben Siller jacks off and then he's like, we're in the f**k. Yeah. And you know, I'm with my dad. I'm like, oh, this is so awkward. And me, my dad could not stop laughing when he was like, we're in the f**k.

And then she goes, that here, Joe, I've never seen my dad laugh. My grandma. I mean, him just bonded over that. And then it was like, it was okay. Like, it has been, I was so tense. Right, I didn't want to laugh. So finally, once he started laughing at that, then it was like, oh, it's okay. It's a laugh. It's okay. Like it is then I was so tense. Right on the lap. So finally, once he started laughing at that, then it was like, oh, it's okay.

It's a lot of something. I know for a while, my grandmother. My grandmother, my Italian grandmother. Well, tell her what she is. I might have washed her. She's passed away about 20 years ago. Okay, so I have him washed her. No, it's okay.

It's okay, but thank you. Okay, well. But she was laughing so hard at that scene that she was, ee, you know, when you're like wheezing and I went, wow, my grandmother gets it. You know, because that's such a, that's like common. You know what the bummer is, like, I don't think, like there's no comedies like that today.

Like, I don't even know if they can make that movie today. They can, but they won't. Well, they're gonna know the hard way. I think it's gonna come back full circle. Somebody's gonna take the risk. But right now, it's like, they're so worried about offending this group of that group. We're obviously some about Mary.

Like, obviously, what Cameron Diaz in that movie, she's taking all these other guys. So it's like, you know, and these guys are crazy. Don't you feel that we're worried about it? They're even, who's worried about it? On a podcast that we worry about it. But just sometimes it's like,

like it's in the back of everybody's mind now. Oh, is that too much? So we say this. I'm worried about because the show, and you have employees and stuff like that, YouTube will demonetize things if it's according to them over the line, or if it's 21 or older,

which affects numbers, which we've dealt with for about two years now. So that, but that at some point, it's like, all right, well, you're conformed to those rules. Yeah. Or you just keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing. Keep doing what you're doing. You're conformed to those rules.

I don't want to do that. I'm just picturing crinkle crafts getting cut out of this show right now. What is that? Crinkle crafts. Never. Never. Never. Never.

Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never none of that's getting that's important to get out to people and I Important people come on especially if they're trying to think of that and you can tell their their holding That's why I love Sam tripling I but you know on the fight you mean Harlem. Yeah, he did Crinkle crafts because I'm on fight. Yeah, I told Sam tripling with a hotdog. I told everybody on Because I'm on fight command. I told Sam Tripley with a hotdog. I told everybody on Hotdog in relish and then put it well. It was therapy for me though No, I know that don't touch bra. I'm not and it wasn't a real baby Nobody died like when the pop had eight. Yeah, we're not holding baby like this real yes But on fight command. I told you know Sam Tripley's I got comic from the 90s

He's more famous. He being canceled years ago Yeah, he just shoots from the hip. So before we do fight, man, go fellas, no restrictions. I talked to my guys at YouTube. Just don't do anything crazy in the first, like two, three minutes. Sam's like, no, dude, that's easy. Minute in.

Dude, I like fucking fat chicks. Really? Oh, we're going there. We're going there, I went, YouTube's the only is demonetizing Sam with too much sandwich too much of nope go on Sam I'm already down this live show do you think every now and then you got to let an episode slip through where you don't You got about the money every now and then you mean my my entire network That I can't I I won't do it if we have to you know do this weird middle-land thing

No, I'm not who we are. It's not funny. I'm glad to hear that. No, it's not funny. You don't sense yourself. Never, never. I just find it's a bit frustrating that there's entities out there that want to censor, whereas I don't think they used to do that.

But now they do. No. But I think it'll come back around where they just can't. I don't think it'll come back around. I think we're going to get more and more divided where there'll be parallel economies and parallel levels of entertainment to say the least. So in other words, I think that that you're going to always have this group of people that don't believe in fun and that are offended professionally offended by everything. Those people are over here. They're just a personality type. I'm gonna ask you not to slip your cactus juice when I'm talking like that.

And then you're gonna have the rest of us in the vast middle who want comedy the way it should be. And the other way though, they're gonna learn the hard way because the numbers, they're like learn the hardwicks than the numbers All right, like those people that are doing that and playing that game and make sure no waste feeling good Lock with it. It's not funny. Good luck. Make money. No even those woke people. They're not buying tickets to it So it's gonna come back full circle and also I think helps us is whether how you every feel about Elon Musk is you know

And everything right now who is but with him leaking those files on how they were doing things at Twitter and suppressing and you know Making sure accounts weren't seen and blacklisting people. I think that puts notice on these other you know big corporations You know with YouTube and Facebook and meta and Instagram and TikTok where it's like hey if Twitter's doing this you guys doing this too So it's only gonna be a matter of time before, hey, if Twitter's doing this, you guys are doing this too. So it's only gonna be a matter of time for, we can't keep doing this. So I think it releases the house.

Did you see what Jack Dwarf said? Let me read this. Yeah, I sent this to Chen. I thought this was interesting. This is from Barstool. There's a lot of conversation about the Twitter files. Here's my take and thoughts on how to fix the issues identified. I'll start with the principles I've come to believe

based on everything I've learned and experienced through my past actions as a Twitter co-founder and lead. Social media must be resilient to corporate and government control. Two, only the original author may remove content they produce. Wow. Number three, moderation is best implemented by algorithmic choice. I don't understand that.

I don't know either. What does that mean? And then I don't want to add everything. I'll go back. I don't want to add down to it. I don't want to edit everything. I'll go back. I don't want to edit everything into 280 char chunks. So here's the rest. It goes to a different page. So he basically talks about how he got compromised once

there was like money and special interest and you just got out of hand. So he was saying allowing the government to have influence with it is a massive mistake that he made and he's taking accountability for it, which is still. I completely gave up pushing for them I've influenced it is a massive mistake that he made and he's taken accountability for it, which is a story. I completely gave up pushing for them when an activist entered our stock in 2020.

I no longer had hope of achieving any of it as a public company with no defense mechanisms. Lack of a dual class shares being a key one. We read the next paragraph. Planned list of it. The biggest mistake I made was continuing to invest in building tools forced to manage the public conversation versus building tools for the people using

Twitter to easily manage it for themselves. The burden, the burden, the company with too much power and openness to, openness to, to, to, again, outside pressure, such as advertising budgets. I generally think companies have become far too powerful and that became completely clear to me with our suspension of Trump's account, as I said before, we did the right thing for the public company business at the time, but the wrong thing for the internet

and society. Wow, I listen, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man.

Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows, man. Who knows he's giving himself an exit window. He was the CEO of a company that dealt in public opinion. And he let all this stuff happen and acts like, you know, water got into the framework and whoops. I, you're in, you're running the ship, dude. You're the mastermind behind me. You let that stuff happen and act like now you're back

and I learned all this stuff. What a bullshit. But my thing about someone like Jack Dorsey and that is that I don't know that anyone is equipped to deal with a monster you create like that. That became Frankenstein. And I don't know if he ever had a skill set to be prescient enough or a managerial enough

to handle the monster it became. I think the lesson here is that anybody in that at the helm of that ship. But anyway at the helm of that ship might have been in a position where, okay, this is good for our shareholders, this is good for the business, but bad for the internet. And things get, when your whole board director says we have to suspend Trump's account and there's a shit load of pressure. So let me give you the the the converse thing.

Elon Musk now takes over Twitter and opens it up. Now you have a massive amount of people who say, oh, this is hate speech i'm leaving twitter he also reinstates the reinstates trump which has it's own backlash to the tune that a lot of liberal women and other liberal people are not buying testless now couple that with couple that with the europeans coming in with people other people enter in the car with the it's of that with the, Twitter's never had more users. I don't know if that's true.

Look it up, Jim. Yeah, but Twitter also has some major problems and he's milking. We can just look at it. He's milking Tesla from Twitter. So what I'm saying is that, damned if you do, damned if you don't, right? Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

It's not damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's like if you build something and it's sole purpose is to allow the public across the board. The Twitter usage download grows since he took over. So you've got to be careful where you get your notes. So again, you're using Google, right, Chin? Figure it out. And I'm not being mean. I'm just saying you got to realize like what's going to pop

up first and then what's really actually happening. Twitter has lost 50 of its top 100 avatars since Elon took over and that's he knew he was gonna do that. But you know, the usage and the users have gone up since it took over. And there's gonna be some, don't you twist it like he doesn't know how to run this company. Really he's doing what he thinks is right, which to me is better than what Twitter was doing. I'd rather have this and again he's doing what he thinks is right, which to me is better than what Twitter was doing. I'd rather have this and again, it's chaos. I don't have that to be suppressed and only one side of the political line

gets the voice to opinion. I think though he is gonna face a lot of the same challenges that the original Twitter staff, I disagree with it. I disagree because of his backing. Because his thing fails, he don't give a shit. He doesn't even compromise. I don't know.

He's fine either way. Maybe. Mainly in the US. Okay. Interesting. There you go. Twitter is grown. Real on musk mainly in the US. Twitter downloads have increased. Wow. Okay. Real on musk mainly in the US Twitter downloads have increased Wow

Okay He's a he's a leader and he and there it's I'm amazed that he's been so demonized It's fascinating to me. It's like you guys need a you the mainstream media you lost Trump now you need another boogie man Last time you asked Rogan so not to eat especially but of course Why wouldn't they go for it? Jesus. Like they're gonna go for him because he's the guy. He's a visionary who rates a lot of jobs.

But then also, her left was able to push this agenda for so long and they took money and funding, especially even with the White House. And he comes and goes, we're not doing that anymore, but he's not saying, I'm gonna do what you guys did and now it's gonna be for the right. He's like, you weren't doing it right, but I'm also not gonna advocate on the right either. It's it's wow when you say the left to I don't even know

Who are these people and what are these what is the agenda? Why are you so mad at Elon Musk? Honestly, there are other things to be mad at you know somebody said I had Peter Zion on my podcast He's great wrote an amazing book and Everybody should read his book the end is just the beginning you got to read Bob. It'll, it'll, yeah, it's very important. And, and he said, you know, the United States compared to China and all these other countries that don't have the population sustain their economies. Never mind the fact that they don't have energy independence and they have to import it and they're not going to be able to. So about China? China 100%, China 80% of China needs the import 80% of its goods to grow.

But they have the capacity. No, China's so overcrowded. Oh, it's so faulty. They're not overcrowded? They're overcrowded with all people. They don't have enough young people. So they're not at replacement rates. So they don't have enough young,

believe it or not, China for three decades have had a one-child policy. Strict strictly enforced. Yes. Remind remember this, there are ethnic minorities like the Uighurs. They have monitors living in their houses to make sure that they don't procreate. On top of that, they are at a point eight children per woman, which is the

lowest in history anywhere. What that means is this is a disaster. Their population is very old. They don't have enough young people to even support their economy or their old people. They don't have a tax base for that. They don't even have enough young people. Now they're telling young people to have five kids.

They don't have enough young kids to replace. It's too late. She knows this, the Chinese knows that they've known this for 10 years. Now they have to figure out a way to get their energy They're completely dependent on foreign energy. They cannot police their own Sees because their navy sucks and they're 30 years away from having a navy the United States Navy We are ten times stronger

The United States Navy ten times stronger than all the other navies combined. And what Peter Zine was saying was that, you know we're doing great in comparison to the world when we have these wars over gender neutral bathrooms and puberty blockers. That's when you know, as a country, you got no problems. You're talking about countries like Russia

and China, especially China though, and Korea, who have to import their own energy, but that are going to have a tough time feeding themselves because they don't have the materials they need for artificial fertilizer. It's a fucking disaster. And when I talked to him, I was just like, I mean, it was, he makes such an amazing argument. The book is called The End of the World is Near. And the end of the world is just the beginning. The mapping the collapse of globalization. And I got to tell you, man, it was shocking.

He doesn't think, and this is a guy that's been doing this forever. He doesn't think China, as you know it as a country, or Russia, are going to be countries in about 10 years. They are going to be, they are going to be fiefdoms. They are going to be sort of various republics run by, you know, different war moors. That's no joke. Yeah.

And by the way, they're in the Ukrainian war. That's so far from over. That's going to go on for five years. It's going to be like this in the middle. And they want parts at point. So the stakes are crazy high. They can't pull out, they can't, it's gonna be a good news over here.

Johnny could go back to people dying. Peter's on. What else? We don't have problems. Something happier, I guess it's happier. I'm deep, man, I'm fucking deep. So porn hub always reveals whatever there was. It was deep.

Oh, man. Yeah, so at the end of the year, porn hub always does these reports about who's been searched the most, who's been down, you know, what kind of porn with style, what kind of it. Uh-oh. So this is their 20s. It never aligns with me.

Nope. Well, she's a belled, she was a belled danger. Who is she? She was like the one of the most popular porn stars of 2022. Well, I have a theory on why she's so big because she was Dayton Mike from Logan Paul, right? The other girl.

Oh, that's a different girl. Okay. So yeah, I've seen her work. It's impressive. A lot of roads. That's who a lot of roads that's right. And she's high on the list. To lesbian.

So these are top search shoes. lesbian, which again, I'm most of them, I just don't mess with. Like lesbian does nothing. No, it does nothing. I don't be, you know, like you're like, you're like, you're again, most of them, I just don't mess with, like, that's been does nothing. No, that's not, I don't, I don't, you know, like, you're like, you're like, you're craft bit. I need a wiener, you know what I'm saying? I need, I gotta say a wiener.

I need a peanut butter or some wiener. What's a hen tie? Big black, what the fuck is hen tie? That's what I was wondering. That Japanese, I think it's anime. Anime, but then with tentacles? I think that's the one with tentacles. Did you just show you America some freaks

Lesbian and then anime and tentacle weeners Ebony Ebony I get like I get Three some I mean step on that weird big dick. Let's be asked. I looked at how the difference is it at big ass BBC big black dick. Okay, I don't need that one. Okay Okay. Japanese, okay. Aino, okay. Black. And then Brandon's. Big. Big cock.

Big cock. Yeah. Don't say my favorite thing. I mean, you're saying you're in the, I'm saying that's a belladanger is top porn star. Yeah. A lot of roads. Second.

Riley Reed still. Violet, Myers, Angela White. I don't know these girls. Trending search, you should. A lot of roads and Danger They're there they're like the mirror strip of Bella and I know she'd like that comparison. Can I see what can I see found upon that?

Bruno danger with the one. Yeah, yeah, okay, she's fantastic a lot of roads dated Mike from these Logan Paul's Co-host. Oh, wow. So I have a reason that's probably why she's so high on the list. Now she's been popping for a hot second. She's gorgeous. Yeah, gorgeous. Yeah, what are we doing? Good Lord. Yeah.

Oh Lord Lord. Yeah, I don't watch porn. I don't. I swear to God. I haven't watched porn in a long time. I know, yeah. But now I'm going to go to the religious cake right now. I need you to find a lot of money.

This doesn't turn me on. This doesn't turn me on. It doesn't turn me on. What? And this is what they've searched the most in each state. I'm called bullshit. You can call Rado Gough is number one. How dare you? Yeah, I don't know.

Look at Florida. It's the British news. The BBC. That's right. The black guy. How about New Orleans just as black? Yeah, I don't know. And then West Gantan's just pegging. What's that black about New Orleans just as black yeah I don't know and then West contents just pegging that that was the top out of all the other searches

that's what they're saying the range it's coming from like the internet IP stuff I guess and then furries on there yeah they have they have you you have access to their master server I guess and that's where you get a sense. And once you're smoking, I don't know what that is. Of course, now you know the most subscriptions to porn, this might be surprising for you guys. You know, I do the green room diaries, so I do all the research on the cities where I go in them. The number one state with the most subscriptions

to porn site, you tall. That makes sense. That makes sense. That's warmens. Anywhere they tell you not to fuck people that makes sense. Kind of makes sense. Got Mormons anywhere they tell you not to fuck people that don't fuck or at least they got to say. Yeah, that's what they said down about. We brought up the mesrise. Yeah.

Hard on I know you lead prayer circles. I know you're aligned with the divine, but what is your porn? Do you, are you a porn guy? Do you have a specific thing you're into? No, I like pet videos, you know? Like furry? I like crinkle crafts?

No, no, I like watching videos of like a cat playing with a ball of y'all. You're going to honor a dog coming through a dog door. I don't believe you, I think you're lying right now. Well, all right. I feel like Harlem would like like magazines, like old school ones. Oh, as long as there's pets in there.

Like a sip of tab and old school tab. Oh, I don't drink diet drinks, guy. Sorry. Yeah. What's your soda pop of choice? Well, I have the cactus cooler here. I've never even seen those. That looks like you've bottled it in your garage. You have a bottling.

Would you like a slurp? It looks like you have an old you bottled it in your garage. You have a bottling. Would you like a slurp? It looks like you have an old school bottling operation in your garage. Orange pineapple, that sounds nice. You want a slurp? Yeah, sure, why not? I want a little... It's delicious.

A tequila with this would be nice. A little tequila. Try it out. Or maybe some alcohol. Pfft. Hahaha. You get out of here, you little pumpkin pie, you're getting freaking passing on the wild Boy, that pretty sweet. Yeah, yeah, it's nice though

remind me of the drink just up back in the day That's a phanta. That's a nice phanta No, that's cactus cooler guy. That's a delicious phanta. Well, you're saying it wrong. I like that you drink a heavy sugary drink and you could give two fucks Yeah, that's that's what my tramp stamp says. Yeah, and I like your striated forms Thanks, bro Little bit of fire Gotta keep those oldies in line. Oh, yeah, no Yes, You got gin. Give one more. Okay, this is a simple one.

Then so this has been trending for some reason. I've never thought Brittany Griner and Pete Davidson looked alike at all. But when she was in the plane traveling back to America, they had a videotape over. She had the shaved head. And then they had the similar eyes. I think it's the conditions. I'm not trying to make fun of them. But they have similar thoughts. Check it out. Yeah, it looks like Pete Davidson. It's similar like... I think he's one of them. I don't know. Oh, yes. Yeah.

I don't realize her voice is I think, too. She's really deep voice. Yeah, she... I should dunk on you, too. Do you know where I head into? No. No? No.

I think they took her to San Antonio to the military. To the military. To the US. head into. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no But Shultz said it best he did pod with um, brilliant it's with Charlemagne and he's like people They keep the same energy all these people say no bring you know get Britney Spears get Britney grind her back in the States And he goes then go to the WNBA games because nobody goes. He's like, where's the energy? If you're gonna this much support to the energy and give back to the I don't know what are you looking at So someone sent this in and it looks It's something like That needs like doing massage therapy to another man. That was Brian before he cut his own hair. Cheers and talent.

This is the my worst. This is the most favorite kind of massage. Fuck off. I don't know. I never had a massage. I remember that scene in Alien where the alien popped out of the valley? I feel like it's about to burst out of that guy's underpants. Me too, and I feel like that doesn't.

Nothing is bursting. That guy's full of shit and that doesn't happen. It depends what it is. If it's that mat, the muscle activation technique, sometimes that way. You've done sports a long time high level. You've worked with the best people, right? Yes, I have. Oh, sorry.

No, I'm talking about sorry. Sorry, I'm not looking at being a... But what are you wearing the one wearing eyes? What do you cry bullshit on? What do you believe in? Like massage, obviously. We don't have enough time, but Cairo practice, I don't, you know, I think that's all snake oil.

Yep. The night of doctors. Uh, the MAT, that mustal activation technique stuff. Yeah. Like Lauren Landau, I think came up with that. And that's, I mean, paint manned it, Tim T. Which is what? What is that?

Where they get to the, if there's an injured muscle, they go to the, like basically, wear the muscles at, where it connects and they fire that up to get blood flowing, like that stuff is legit. Yes. Like, paint man, believe it in so much one thing when the Super Bowl MVP, that Lauren was basically living, like going on the road with him, like living the Super Bowl MVP that Lauren was basically living like going on the road Will like living with Lauren Lauren along with Leo Flowers cured my back cured my low back for real

How'd you hurt your back guy? I always had the back problems this motherfucker at Lauren land out how those what I ask how did you Heard it like you're kind of avoiding house a bone living close to the bone. That's not an answer I take no shit I live close to the bone and I write it the bone, taking that shit. I take no shit, I live close to the bone, and I ride it wrong the minute I see it. Let me tell you something, sometimes you gotta use some torque. Sometimes to come full circle, the burnement, sometimes you get too close to the flame.

Sometimes you get too close to the flame, to take you to the flame. No, no, no, he's not answering. I wanna know what fell on you at home depot, I hurt your back. Nothing fell on me, boy. What happened, guy? You showed up the truth.

Your lower back got to take some of that load. You're like, here we go. I see it. There it is. How did you hurt your back? If I see a wrong, if I see a wrong and needs to be right, it's a torque. And I got to throw bones.

And you know when I throw bones, whether it's my feet, the bones of my feet, bones of of my hand you got to get some torque This could be this could be Nellie Frattado doing satanic chance right now. How did you hurt your back kid? Yeah, I was a wrestler as a young man No, that's too. I'm big The exact moment you were lifting what you fell down a cliff look man lifting what you fell down a cliff look man you were riding a dolly part whatever it was it was years of sports guys I don't think he has a bad back

I don't think he has a bad back not anymore I don't no not anymore I don't and stuff doing that you're dismissing me you're back stop dissing me you don't know that

answer when did you heard it you want to feel sorry for you right I have a scar on my arm I know I was attacked by a mountain lion I know what that scar is hold on hold on you're attacked by a mountain line Don't don't make this a bad deal. Yeah, don't switch gears. Polly walk. Let's go. Let's go. What? Polly walk. Pete. Okay. Well look man Maybe part of his people not fucking buy me at my money right now. Maybe people not buy me at my word You know, I'm just right now. Maybe people not buy me at my word, you know

Did you get in a car accident you rolled down a hill with one of your boyfriend's what happened? What how did you know I did it? Your fourth vertebrae I never said it was my fourth birthday How did you hurt your back there tryla by tits? You're putting words well. How did you hurt your back there? Tryla by tits. Stop calling me names.

I don't know what you're saying. Tells you, you see these specials. I feel like you're just looking for sympathy. You guys got me chasing my own tail. Now my back is starting to hurt. I'm season up. I've been beat up. We've had two guests on.

And it's been Monday and Wednesday. Back to back it and beat up. I'm not being, I'm not being taken at my word. All I'm asking is what happened? A little bit of truth. Went, did someone kick you in the back? Did you do it? No, I probably didn't get kicked in the back,

but I've been kicked at, and I had to move back and answer back. I come back with what I have. You throw bones at me, I'm gonna come back with what I have. Wow, bro. General did. I think I answered that question.

No. Tootsweet and real well. Real easy. You are so far away from the answer, your breath smells like gingivitis at its beginnings. Man, that's a convoluted metaphor. You need to go to burn man, get real with yourself. Yeah, jump in.

That's an forte. Well, you're gonna answer us, so you're not barbacubally. Let's go, guy. I'm gonna be the best. How hard is it to know how you heard your back? I got oldies at the senior center that know when there's one out. Okay. This has been Harlem Williams ladies and gentlemen, I hope you enjoyed this look at this episode. He's going to be tour. Harlem, your stand-up comedy tour, we're not doing a puppy show and crinkle crafts. You'll be at the Crystal Bay Club this evening.

That already happened, not true. Wow. Stand-up live, Finley Kimmel. Vegas, Jimmy Kimmel's comedy club lost Vegas to December 15th through 18th. Then one of the great stand-up live, Finley's AZ, January 20th 22nd Love that room. You know what I really want to plug though guys what buddy outside of crinkle craft is I have a

Podcast they do now. Oh, thanks for having us on called the Harlan Highway. It's new. It's brand new. No like five months It's brand new. Okay. The kid was on with game on. would you want to come on? I'm in dude. What yeah? Can we paint babies the pinball? You'll see what'll happen guys But it's called the Harlan highway and I'd love you guys to check it out and then I also have my Website harbleng.com where I hand draw my own t-shirts. Oh sweet. You do? Yeah, can I see some of those? Yeah, there are good my own t-shirts. Oh, sweet. You do? Yeah. Can I see some of those? Yeah, there I go. There I go. Heartblink.com. Friend to the show, Will says. And I draw these shirts. And if you scroll down, you can go to the gallery. There they are. I like the Kung Fu carrot. I like the the the Harlan face on that. I don't really get that little arrow on the right.

You can scroll through them and you can order one of one. Oh, that's a specific. But if you go back, I'd love you to make some of my merch. What would you do for me? That little arrow there on the right. There's, for some reason, that cup. Keep clicking in there. There it is. There it is.

I like the coffee monster. I'd draw right on the shirts with Sharpies. Really? And then I sell the original shirt, and then after the original sold, we make prints of all of them. There's a stinky squid fart. I know you like those.

I love those. That's great. That's why they call you a Kalamari Pete. Oh, how I live. I hate no over the chiropractor clinic. I like the Frankenstein. Yeah. You're definitely an animator.

These are good. My eyes. Oh, dear God. My. Yeah, it's a great man. dear God. My. Yeah. It's a great man. Thanks man. Wow. That's how Brian hurt his back. Yeah. That's a right there. That's a picture of you. Heard of your back. So you said you're not knowing the answer

the whole time. God dammit. Harlem. That's right. We love you, man. Harlem. Thank you. God be. Thank you. That's me. I'll be in Boston. Master's is last Boston, December 29, 3031, San Diego, California, my drop comedy club January 5, 6, 7, Harlem Williams, probably come down and open for me. For Win Indiana,

Summit Comedy Club January 13, 14, I got Danny Aflora, January 19, 2021, Nashville, Tennessee, March 2, 3, 4, New York City, Sony Hall, Tickets left, March 11, 1 night only in New York City, then West Niaque, New York City Sony haul tickets left March 11th one night only in New York City then West

Niak New York Liberty live March 16 and Daddy's taking February off those are March. I think we only added one date so far but 2023 is gonna be busy but we have the tickets to be up soon, but it's Tampa improv. Tampa Bay, Florida is Mar, I'm sorry, is January 20th through the 21st and that will be up in the next I'm in Springfield, Missouri, Springfield, where the Simpsons is from, that's not true. February 3rd to the 4th, the Naples, Oklahoma City's on the Tacoma, get your tickets, thinkboy.com, FATKZ.com. All right, Harlan, we love you, dude. Thank you for having me guys. Such you tickets, thinkboy.com, F-A-T-K-Z.com. All right? Harlem, we love you, dude.

Thank you for having me, guys. Such a good time, man. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Appreciate you. Thank you. Check out our current deals at discounttire.com or stop in and talk to you in a social media today. Discounttire. Let's get you taken care of. Sesame seed bun. That's the sound of a McDonald's quarter pounder with cheese.

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