The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 228 Bobby Lee

Episode Date: August 31, 2025

Comedian/actor Bobby Lee stops by to talk to Brendan and Bryan about growing up in San Diego, his days on MADtv, asians in Hollywood, lots of Korean stuff, sobriety, his disturbing audition for King Kong, working with Judd Apatow and so much more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black Belt and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised.

Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the on.

At Studio's in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. We're not live. Shut up, man.

And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shut up. It's not live. It's not live. Yeah, I just want to say, I interrupted you. We just started a show. We have the great Bobby Lee from Saturday Night Live.

No. The same piece of shit you were on. Hey, oh yeah, sorry. Hey, man. Don't go bad on Mad TV, guys. Well, people can see it with the YouTube video. You're literally sitting like we're about to do an intervention on you. You're holding onto the couch sort of.

Your hair is way too long. I'm small. I can fall. I can hurt myself. And you're bundled up. Well, I'm jealous. I dig the hair. I'm jealous.

So I have to put him out. You like my hair? Thank you so much. You're very funny. Excuse me? Happy birthday, by the way. Thank you. I'm 50.

You're 45 and I'm 50. I'm 45, dude. It's weird. Wait until you turn 50. I looked in the mirror today and I went, technically... I might not make it. I don't know. This is how you feel.

Technically, well, I'll tell you what 50 does, maybe even 45, is that I looked in the mirror and technically I've been on the planet for 50 years as of 15 minutes ago. And my father just told me that. And I thought to myself, if I die, they go, 50-year-old man, dies and people go yeah lived a good life it's a good stretch if they go through

you're like that was a good day it's a good stretch and even I yeah over time everything's bonus now right and even I because you know I'll be sitting to the right

or the left of Jesus you know that and when I'm sitting there yeah well when God makes Jesus move out of the way makes the son move out of the way and fucking brushes the seat off and lets me sit

while the angels are singing for he's a jolly good palo for he's a jolly good palo because you know they're going to do that that's not happening sir dude you don't know and uh yeah Yeah, all my sins.

Yeah, I have this joke where I have this feeling, like if I died right now, God would have my entire life on one piece of paper. Like, yeah, like with the same look on his face that my dad had when he'd get my report card. You know what I mean? Like, you fucking... Or it'd be like you as 50 years old

trying to get into the hottest nightclub, him just being like, mm-mm. I know. Right, right. But if you were to go, you would still be really scared and depressed. You don't feel like you lived a long time. Like, I'm 45, people go, oh, it's a long time.

I go, no, if I die right now, it'd be such a bummer. It'd be a bummer. With Asians, too, it's like you can't tell at all. Well, that's crazy. Well, I don't want to. And can I just say that right? I never seen a mutant Asian before to my right. Well, he's a giant.

I never knew that they groomed that big. Yeah. And he was not. He was born in a lab. Him and Yao Ming together. Yes. Right. And I always thought that, like, oh, dude, I'm 5'4, but I'm average height for Asian.

Yeah. I'm fucking not. No. No, we got the shrek of Koreans over here. I know. Hey, as soon as I saw, so you guys should talk. Hangulamah?

Oh, shit. Jokoma? Uh, no. I go too jokom. Yeah, no, no, no. Oh, damn. I just said out of small people. No, he doesn't.

I know he doesn't. Do you speak? Do you speak? Do you speak? Yeah, as soon as I saw Bobby Lee at the comedy store, I went, Hey, our producer's Korean. And he goes, yeah, you did say that. I don't go.

Cool. And I went. He, he, he. as Han. I didn't know what to say. It's so embarrassing you did it because Chin couldn't be more American. Yeah, me either.

But Chin, your parents are both Korean, obviously? Yeah. You could have been adopted like, what if you said? Brad Pitt's my dad. I go, oh, you're baby Maddox's brother? Baby Maddox?

You know what I mean? That'd be cool, huh? Hell yeah. Because you grew up with Korean parents, huh? They were strict? Very strict. Yeah, fuck.

Strict as fuck, bro. Korean parents are super strict. Oh, dude. I got beat with golf clubs, all kinds of shit. Correct me, if I'm wrong, the Korean Peninsula's been invaded i think 38 times they have

they don't fuck around if he's wrong no i think you're wrong no no but koreans i've talked to soldiers from the vietnam era and one of the things that they said for real is one of the things some of the toughest people on the planet koreans who can endure suffering are koreans can i tell you something about like my dad told me how the japanese tortured koreans yeah he oh this is what he said i googled i couldn't find it they wouldn't let him work no no no they said He said that they used to tie Koreans by their ankles on a tree and hang them upside down. Yep. And then dunk them in hot boiling water.

Yep. And they would dunk them so many times that like a layer of skin would come off. And eventually they're just nerves. Yeah. Jesus. You all that people have always come up with really awful ways to hurt other people. I know. Why did your dad tell you that story?

I don't know. So he'd understand. That's his bedtime stories. Will you understand how lucky you are? Were you hanging around drop me? Good night. Good night. Good night.

Same type, little buddy. I think Koreans also, it's like, we don't hold it in. Like, everything's on our sleeve, right? You're like the Latins of the Asian world. Right, right, right. So it's like, you know, you look so ugly today. You know, and you're like, oh, fuck. But I'm going to school, bye, you know what I mean?

Yeah. You fucked up my day, bye. Yeah, that kind of thing. First day of school things, man. I always say that one of the biggest influences of my life was my taekwondo teacher who is old school Korean. I love what I do say that. Old school Korean. Most white dudes do say that.

But he was, right? He was. And one of the main things was that. You can set. You don't know that? Yeah, of course. Okay. And when we would practice, he would always say, as you as America, it's so crazy.

So crazy. I'm waiting maybe 10 years. I'm no more teaching. He hated. He hated us so much. He goes, as he lazy, it's all this salt, all the chocolate in the mouth, don't, no, no. Like, we had chocolate. in our mouths all the time like in other words we were soft people yeah and he he said is

you as a people that's practicing maybe is uh you know two hours is uh you think he's a long time but it's a no he's a no he's a just memory just a mammary just a mammary after after after the practicing and so i used to always do him and i would call and we were so afraid of him he was like my current my taekone of the teacher i don't give a shit was a gangster was a straight he wasn't a fighter he's killer he'll kill you yeah a completely different dude old school career we're in florida where was this was in was in washington dc And he was most He looks like he's from Florida

He's the most amazing If I told you stories about him You would think I was making it up He could play the trumpet He could sing opera He was most amazing Fucking human being on the plane And he was dead broke

Teaching Tiger No he wasn't He had money And we don't know how he had money But he had plenty of money He played the trumpet Yes No look at me right

He played the trumpet Yes And I've never seen a Korean Play a trumpet He played the trumpet Well He played the trumpet Well and sang opera

And had read And had read everything His name was Duck Kyung Choi And he To this day Is like I reveal him like if i saw him i would bow to him and i'm terrified of him and you should be too and we would i would call my friends and pretend i was him he would never call you and i'd go hi yeah hi sir how are you

yes you have to practice okay you're very lazy very lazy how long did you train with him be five years every day before comedy yeah that's why i'm a master how old were you uh from 18 to probably 22, but I practiced I practiced and competed until I was 25. So I would always go back and train. Do you forget guys? I mean Brendan, I know you used to fight. Do you forget how to do it or?

You know what? When I met you, after I met you I went to my UFC Fight Pass and I just watched your match. You were like a legitimate, really good fighter. Yeah. Thanks, brother. I don't know if I forget. I mean, I I don't forget, like, some of the Jitsu stuff. I mean, I'm sure if I sparred my timing would be off,

but I still hit Mitz frequently. So you think that how long would it take you to get back into a situation where you were able to? Fight shape, if I took a fight? Three months. Three months? You just did it for so long that you have, yeah. You can physically do it, like probably not emotionally, but you think physically you can still do it? Yeah, I'm in the best shape now in my life.

Oh, wow. He was high level, too. It's a different thing. Yeah, I know. I said that I remember Jack May said that about you like he said after Brendan Spard this guy was 6-8 and it was just literally guy was getting paid 6-8 probably 280 and I'm not exaggerating and tell me if I'm lying here and he was a high level K1 guy and he was trying to kick and punch Brennan in the head as hard as he could

and I thought and I found out that he got $500 if he if he knocked him out okay and he needed the money and I remember talking to Jack because Jack they were supposed to go five rounds and Jack just didn't want to go after, you know, three because it was just, Brendan was just, you know, and I, and I said, what is the difference? Because he was, you know, he was kind of barely, you were not hitting him, but you were just missing. And he goes, the top guys, he's one of the, you know, the top, top echelon has an ability to make that distinction by one inch. And he was kind of describing the difference between you and so many other guys who are really good. Yeah. And I think to get to that level is a matter of inches, right?

It's like that weird difference. Jack, what's crazy is Jack? Jack, not crazy, but Jack just, he fought in Bellator this past weekend, he won, I want to say, knocked the guy out in 30 seconds? Nice. 20 seconds. Good for Jack. Yeah, right? His Beltor debut and smoked the dude.

Good for him. He's a great guy, man. I want, I wish the best for that guy. There's some Koreans in the UFC, yeah, Chin? Like, we watch the Superboy. Did you see the best fight I've ever seen like three weeks ago, that one, right? Superboy. Superboy, right? The guy who looks like a Korean pop star? Yeah.

That beautiful thing? He looks like a teenage boy. Straight up fucking killer. Yeah, dude. and that's what you do that's a part of the oppression though that's the Han no the Korean oppression right from the Japanese for 50 years I think it just makes

them any group that's been oppressed like that makes them stronger I believe 100% even through generations you know that deep that deep hatred my my Korean teacher would go to sushi restaurants so we could order the the Japanese waiters around and and he would never ever buy a Japanese car

yeah and I travel so the Japanese is it's it's known that the Japanese and Koreans hate each other? Well, the Japanese colonized Korea for 50 years and didn't even let them speak their own life. Like if I had anything Japanese on TV, my dad would go, fucker you, Godzilla. It's fucking shit.

They were also, remember, I mean, one of the things that it's very hard to talk about, but in World War II, a lot of Koreans women were forced into prostitution to be, to service the Japanese, Japanese fucking You grew up here, Bobby? Where do you think I grew up?

Seoul? Come on, man. Dude, you have intensity. Do I have an accent? Brandon. No, I'm just kidding. Be real. I am, man. I'm curious when you grew up.

I grew up here San Diego. Well, fuck, man. I thought you knew. I figure you grew up in L.A., not San Diego. That's why I had so many prostitutes before I really got a good real girl. Why? Because I grew up in San Diego and I couldn't get laid because I was pretty much unfuckable. Yeah.

You know, I was short. San Diego's got tall long. No. Look at Ching Ching, Ching laughing. No, because Brian, Brian's like, yeah, that's what? He's so cute ching-ching. But we used to go in high school, like we used to go to Adelitas, which is, you know, the biggest brothel in Tijuana.

Really? I didn't know. Yeah. And we used to do these things called trifectas, where we do three in a night. Oh. You're young. Of course. Yeah, I couldn't go now.

That's not, don't think that you're talking to the dirt bag over here. I know all about trifectas. No, I mean, these are things that I did in the past that, like, I'm not proud of. But when you have to survive. And so I, white chicks, didn't like me then. And then so I had to get late. And then once I started doing stand-up at 23, it started

flowing on a regular basis, so then I was cool with it. But... There's nothing worse for a young man that when he can't get access to women. I know. It's so frustrating. This guy over here, to my left, doesn't have a clue as to what that's about. You don't. You've always killed it. Well, look at him. Look at me right now. You've always killed it? I wouldn't say kill me.

Hey, hey, hey. His, you know, varsity blues? You know that movie? That's his fucking life. This fucking, this fucking Colorado Softie over here. Colorado Soft, he always got everything he fucking wanted. Look at him. You know how I lost my virginity? I was at a party in high school, and I was on the wrestling team, and I was the lightest

weight, and there was a girl that said, I fuck everyone, you know? So the heavy weights, all the way down to the lightweights, got to fucker, and I was last. Yeah, but I waited patiently in the room. Like, I remember I had my hands in my pocket, and I was just whistling, you know? And then I got in there. I stuck it, it was like a fucking bad cave. I bet.

Yeah, and I stuck it in there. It didn't feel like. anything, but I came anyway because just the idea of I'm like, oh, like that. And then I felt like, do I have AIDS? For like two weeks, you know? Remember that? I remember when AIDS was, we didn't know what, you'd have sex and I would get like

a cold and my glands would swell and I'd be like, I have AIDS. I'm such a hypercontract. Yeah, you are. Probably the worst I've ever seen. I'm a hyperconic. Dude, I was at F Street Bookstore when I was in 19. F Street Bookstore are these, they're porn store, not porn, yeah, like adult bookstores in San Diego.

Yeah. And they have those rooms in the back, right, where the floor is really sticky. Yep. So I remember one night I was waiting tables and I went to F Street. And you could lock it. And, you know, you can change channels by these little buttons. And I did a button and it was fucking common in it. Oh, no.

And we went like like like that, right? And I looked at my finger and there was a little cut there. Ah! Dude, I thought I had AIDS. Oh, my God. Yeah, I thought I had full-blown AIDS. But I didn't. You know why?

I've never met a Korean with AIDS Have you? Have you ever met a Korean with AIDS? I never heard of it either. Well, there you go. I'm not saying that I can't get it. Yeah. But I think my body's pretty life.

You guys have? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love those famous last words. Yeah. Honestly, dude. You're talking about bro sons? Yep. I talk to, I swear to God, I talk to this, um, this porn director.

And he has sex with all his actresses. And I said, I said, can I ask you? Yeah, of course it's standard. I go, do you use a condom? He goes, nope. No, no, no, no. And he was married. And I said, I said, you're going to give something to your wife.

He goes, honestly, dude, I'm immune to that stuff. Dead serious. I went, you're immune to getting a bacteria in your penis that can cause your girl to be sterile. Okay. And he was like, I am, dude. I've never had anything. So I would know. Because back when you guys were talking about AIDS, it was like a, we're talking in Dallas

Buyers Club days. Like it's a bad. Really? Yeah, you literally had it. You're dead. Like now it's all good. Remember that? You, it was a death sentence.

Now it's good. Now it's like herpes. Well, yeah. Yeah. And back then, you got it and you died in a terrible way. It was very hard. And I watched it. I watched it in New York.

But I know dude's on the cocktail. It's not good. No. I mean, it weighs heavy on your body. You don't feel free. It's getting better. I'm 12. I have so much energy.

No, I mean, it's like. I don't feel. I don't have AIDS. I know, but. It is getting better. It is getting better. It's getting. But you're not going to die like magic is to thrive.

He might be doing better with AIDS. Well, it's like Charlie Sheen, so he had sex with his porn star girlfriend, knowing he had. you know, apparently. HIV positive. Yeah, and she, under the supervision of a doctor, but she was, I think she sued him or got really, you know, about the fact that he was having sex. She didn't know. But the virus was not detectable in his body, right?

So when you take protease inhibitors and things, you can get the viral load so low that it's not detectable. You can also take stuff. I was watching Prince Charming. It's an old gay bachelor's show. And he picked a guy who has, he's HIV positive. and he was like it's not he that's who he selected is that's guys by the way that's guys he's so hot that he's like you know what no he did they explain to like he can take a pill the guy who doesn't have it and so have unprotected sex with him yeah and he won't get it yeah really yeah wait so if i have it lowers his chances well if i had HIV just in a hypothetical situation yeah and i fucked you in the ass hypothetical yeah sure with no condo he he could get it that way but you if if but if you look at the people the the the gay men that survived the AIDS epidemic, the ones that we're having, we're doing the fucking were less apt to get it than the ones getting invaded. So what you're saying to me is, is that if Brendan had AIDS and he was

fucking me in the ass, yes. I could, I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. Good chance. You, you would probably, you'd take these pills, your chance of getting their like way, like less than 1%. But back then, when you had a viral load in your body, you were walking around with the, with the HIV virus in your body, right? I like saying it because I'm a doctor. Don't say viral load, though. Doctor. I know, but viral load. Yeah.

Viral load. But you, you, when you had anal sex with a man, you, there were micro tears, right, in the rectum. When you ejaculated, you were carrying that virus in your semen. And so what happened was it was absorbed into your ass. In fact, the way you absorb a suppository. Why are you going over to? Yeah, yeah. When you absorb a suppository, you can put a suppose.

I mean, we all know how it goes down. You don't need you to go step by step. The point of, you didn't, but guys weren't getting it through their penis. Like, so then they had sex with a guy. So, let me say it. So if I, I did, like, my dick, I mean, okay, it's, it's good for my size. Yeah. Yeah.

It's not, come on. Yeah. It's not, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. And I, and I didn't, let's say I'm fucking Brendan again, right? Hey, man.

I'm fucking you again, right? You got, keep having a mask. And I don't tear your butt hole. Maybe it's just, you know. My dick doesn't tear. Like, you're, it just, you know. I don't know. I don't know.

I'm not a doctor. So I'm asking that, right, if my calm goes just in through his butthole canal? I don't know. Can he get AIDS that way? Well, I know that you can, when you put a suppository in your butt, you can, you absorb what's in the suppository, right? You absorb it. So that's one way to do that. Some people die because they put alcohol straight into their butt, like alcoholics will.

Yeah. Or drugs? Like, you can put XC right in your anus. Yeah. Because there's no filter. It goes straight to the bloodstream. Oh. It doesn't pass the liver.

There's no middle man. There you go. So if I put, like, meth in there, I would, like, how? high right away? Probably going to die, yeah. But because there's no filter, like a lot of drunks do it, and they die from it. Because it goes straight to your bloodstream. There you go. I just have a friend called, she was, yes. Raging alcohol

and he would do it. Yeah. You get so drunk. There's a, my buddy had his buddy, his buddy stay with him. Whiskey ass. My buddy had his buddy stay with him, whiskey ass. And he would give himself a coffee end of mine. He'd be in the shower with his feet up. And he's like, what are you doing? He goes, I give myself

a coffee in the morning in his fucking bathtub. He's like, you can't do that. You can't stay at my house. And do that. Why would he do that? Because he's weird. But he said he'd get a buzz, he'd get a caffeine buzz from the coffee. Or just drink it, sir. Yeah, just drink it, man.

Let's not inject the dark roast into your asshole. I mean, enemas are important, but like, not, did you do it every day? I don't know. Of coffee, though? Every morning. It's a strange bird. Yeah. But he would drink a lot.

When I went to a wheatgrass farm, I stayed there for a week. And they shoot wheatgrass in your bun hole. Really? And then you would feel, you would literally feel like, super high off of it. I used to do that wheat grass shit. I think it's all a hoax. It's like eating broccoli.

It's fine. E3 Live. Do you do E3 Live? No, the problem with E3 Live is I looked in it and I was getting bad stomach cramps. Then read it. Look up on, look up E3 Live. A lot of it comes from a lake, I believe, in Oregon.

Yeah. The problem with that lake in Oregon is that that, that algae that's pure and that's not cooked and that's really raw that they freeze dried. That algae is also a major migratory bird stop. So all the geese and all the ducks. They take a shit in it. So now you can. got a bunch of nitrogen in the water, so all this

allergy grows. And guess what? People were getting hepatitis. They were getting all kinds of weird shit. From E3 Live? Yes, they were getting, and the woman, I read it, because I was wondering why I was getting these stomach cramps. Maybe they've, maybe they've taken it account. I don't think wheatgrass is bullshit. No, I don't know. It's definitely not. I used to

take it. Neither's broccoli. No, no, no. I'm saying you get your greens, but I don't think you're going to, I don't think it's a cure-all. It's not a cure-all, but juicing-wise and straight wheatgrass has, I mean, serious effects. I'm sure it's good for you. Yeah, yeah, definitely. 100%. No, I believe that.

It was researched with it, too. I did it. I used to do it all. Like, if I was getting a cold, I would drink a whole shitload of wheatgrass with lemon and I would usually not get sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I did, what I mean is that. There's benefits to it for sure.

Yeah, all I mean is that, like, anything, like, juicing and wheatgrass and all this stuff, I went through that phase. And I just feel like I'm feeling better now that I just eat regular vegetables. I'm not saying, I'm not saying it doesn't have value. Well, when I got sober, though, it's like, I was like, what else do I do? You used to be an alcoholic? I'm still, I mean, yeah, I'm still an alcoholic, technically, but I haven't drank in, like, 14 years. Damn, good for you, bro.

Thank you, but. That's impressive. What made you stop? I was dying. I was literally dying. Really? Were you squandering, like, 60 vikens a day, drinking 24 hours a day. Damn.

60? Yeah, like, Brett Favre. And look at how small I am compared to him. God, damn. Like, I literally, like, you know. How many vikidens? What is that? You know about pain.

Not like that. And also, like, I was on Mad TV at the time, and I was making, you know how little they pay you, right? So when you first got. got on a sketch show, they pay you, what, $6,500 a week or something like that, and like, which is two people go, well, that's a lot, but after your agents take 20%, it's as much as a bartender makes it. And it's, and it's short,

well, and it's short-sided, though, right? Because how many weeks is it? It's, um, it's, uh, 23 weeks. I swear to God, when I would look at my check, back then, that's not bad money. It's, yeah, but, okay, that's true. But if you see someone like Eric Stone Street, who's making $250,000 a week.

What did he do? He's on Modern Family. No, but wait. We have to put this in the context. We have to put this in context. Because I remember this. It's on a major sick. Hold on. Yeah, that's my point, though, is that when you're making $6,500 a week and a friend of yours

is making $250,000 a week, there is a little bit of like what the fuck is going on with my life. I'm grateful for it. Hold on. But before you go into. No, but because $6,500 has to be put into context even more than what you just said. Because when I would look at my check, I was making $7,500 more than you because I'm worth it. Now, here's the thing.

I remember looking at my check box. I swear to God, at the end of taxes and commission and everything. I don't know how it was working. I would see between $1,500 and $2,200. That's what I'm saying. You guys are getting ripped off. That's what happens when you're an actor, agent, manager. 20% out the window from your agent and your manager.

Yeah. Okay. 20% out of $6,500, so that's, uh, what is that? That's, uh, $6,500, 10% is,000 is, 6,500 is, 10% is, Ching, you got it, Ching? No, 10%. So it's $1,300 altogether. Gone.

But for me, I was paying 15% to my manager because that was standard, remember? Back in the day. Yeah, that was standard. So it was 25%. So all of that is gone. That's supposed to be tax deductible. You still get taxed state and federal. Yeah.

And I was seeing between $1,500 and $2,200 a month. Oh, I'm sorry. A business manager. I thought it was a week. I also had an account. A week. A week. A week.

A week. A week. A week. An episode. Not a week. An episode. which is how it comes out also it's not really 23 because sometimes they go we you only get 17 out of 23 yes so they can cut around you know so it's like you're making money you're not when in los angeles you're making about as much as a that's also a while ago too it's still that's true that's true no no but with that time during the during the during the that time period that's more money than you know what I'm saying but can I say something right now is is that Matt TV you know the reunion, they casted a brand new show.

Yeah. They tried to revitalize it, right? It lasted like three days. It certainly lasted three days, but I know what they were making. And they were making, and you're not, I'm not even kidding you, like $1,700 a week. Well, go back to what you were saying about. You think about that show, though. I mean.

I'm just saying, though, so it's not time, really. It's just, you know, if you're on a prime time show that is getting 15, 20 million viewers, then, yeah, you're going to make a lot of money. But I'm just saying that. Because of my drug addiction, and I was only making that, it was gone. Gone. Yeah, so I could barely even pay rent, really, because I was just using drugs. Wow. You get your paycheck straight to drugs.

It's gone. You know, I mean, you get shoes. You go buy some shoes, you know what I mean? But, yeah, it's gone. And then by the end of the year, I mean, after my second year, Ari Shafir lent me $40,000. Oh, my God. After two years on a day, he's a great guy. What a great guy.

But wait, wait, can I, that's it. By the way, I love Ari for that. Me too, love Ari. My opinion of him, it's always been high, but it just went sky high. For real. But can I ask you this? Go ahead, Be it. I was going to say, why were you doing so many drugs?

I'm a drug addict, Menden. Yeah, but that comes from something. You're masking something or you're numb to something. That's true. I mean, that is a valid argument, but, you know, I believe that alcoholism that you're born with it, you know, like, it's a disease. It's a disease. And I, you know, my dad's out of the family.

They all have it pretty much. And so, like, I feel like I got it. Inevitably, I think that I was going to be an alcoholic. No matter what. No matter what. Yeah, right. So, but then also I had a violent childhood and all that other stuff, trauma growing up, adds to it. But, like, you know, it is what it is.

I believe that I was born with it, but I could be wrong. Do you think, when you say 60 Viking and whatever it was, what is that like? What does that feel like? In the beginning, you know, you would take three or four during a day, right? because I was sober for 12 years. Yeah. This is what happened. 12 years sober.

And then I got on a mad and they weren't writing for me. And I was, I just hated it there. Yeah. I hated it. So hard. It was the worst two years of my life. You're on the show for two seasons? I feel so.

I did eight. But I got, after two, I shit my pants when I did a Connie Chung sketch because I was detoxing off a Vicodin. And then they let me go. And then that summer I got sober and then they brought me back in. that's hilarious that you shoot your pants and they fired yeah I went good evening

I'm Connie and I shit my pants and then it went in my stockings and everything it was a terrible night oh terrible night that's right when you were obviously it's live on air

good evening I'm Connie John yeah I mean it's like literally the three cameras the lights you can see you hear the director and the thing there's like 300 people

in the audience you know I relive it like you know how you sometimes go to sleep I want to think about good things you know then boom Then boom. The wreckage of your past. Right.

And then I can't sleep all night. Really? Because I relive it. Yeah. Is you so embarrassing or you felt humiliated? I've had maybe 20 instances in my life that plague me to this day that I relive. And I treat myself so terribly. I'm not about to cry.

I want to cry. But I want to treat myself better. Yeah. But I don't because like if I fuck up or something bad happens, I torture myself with it for years. Yeah. Like if I have like notorious like a couple of. auditions that were just so terrible and humiliating that I, for years, I fucking punch myself in the face.

Well, can I ask you, do you think maybe this is an idea, that you do that as a form of high-tech procrastination? So in other words, because I think I do that sometimes. Like, I find myself, I don't do this as much anymore, but I'm a little familiar with this area because being an actor for so long and just, and by the way, I had a terrible experience on Mad TV. I'm embarrassed by it. I just didn't work that hard. I didn't like being there and all that. Same thing. But do you think that when you focus on that, it's a way of sort of giving yourself something to obsess about so that you don't have to face what your potential could be

the kind of work you're doing? Because I think sometimes we do that. Does that make sense? That's interesting. Yeah. It's either that or I torture myself to remind myself not to do it again or whatever maybe that's it too i don't know well what if um like so i like this idea of asking yourself more helpful questions yeah so right now you're you know when you go into those modes you're saying why i'm such a piece of shit or whatever it might be yeah and then they always say you can reprogram your brain in that moment to go i'm going to change the question i'm going to say how can i take this energy and turn it into something like writing with a lot a lot of practice well but that's life right it is a lot of practice but you have to know that it's possible you have to

know that there's a way out there's a door that you can open it might be a tough door to to get through. But you and I deal with this all a time. You know, we talk about it and I think that's really crucial. Do you also accept that you're a human being and you're going to fail? 100%. Especially when, like, you know, we do this, right?

This is not easy. It's not. And you take big risks. You get big rewards. But you also stumble. And it's those times when I'm stumbling that I have to like just be an adult about it and go, dude, it's like you tried. Part of the process.

Yeah, it didn't happen for you. It was a little embarrassing, but at least you went and tried. Yes. But that's why when you're a comedian, entertainer, athlete, when you walk in the room, everyone goes, ah, shit, that guy's willing to do what I would never do. Because the highs are so fucking high and the lows are so, so low. But either way, you have to risk that. And you're willing to risk it.

So when Bobby watches, like, every time I see him, like, fuck, there's Bobby, man. There's Bobby. God damn, he's funny. You know what I'm saying? because you're willing to risk that. We always talk about how much we failed. He's always been really open about his dreams were to be playing the NFL, didn't happen.

Dream was to be a world champion in UFC and worked his ass up. I saw it with my own eyes, training three times a day. Crazy. Then he gets stopped by Travis Brown the first round and is in the back of that fucking cold room. They stitched his lip, put a needle in his lip, and he's sitting there, and he sits down.

He goes, and he realizes he never was going to be a world champion. He starts to cry, you know, where his coach, everybody's like, what the fuck are we going to do here? But that realization that I had a mission, I had this grandiose plan and guess what, I didn't realize it. And I have to walk away not realizing it. Well, yeah, big problem there. But what when you embrace that and then you turn it into your own truth, now look at us. Yeah. You know, people, everybody out there has had that a moment.

Everybody out there has been disappointed. Fuck. About thousand times. And maybe you, when you embrace it and don't beat yourself up about it, but you can't I feel like you're sensitive like I am to things about it. Like I'm super sensitive. I'm ultra sensitive. It's really sad.

Me too. I am too, though. That's why people like, I drive people crazy like Whitney Cummings. I drive her fucking crazy. Why? Because if I go up on stage and I have an average set, I come off going, you fucking suck. And then, like, one time she was like,

shut the fuck up. Like, you're not in a funny way. Like, I'm tired of fucking shut up. You know? And so now, even that, I'm aware of, like, just internalize it because I drive people crazy with it. You know, and you know what? And it's also, like,

these are character defects that I have that I'm aware of. Yeah, you're getting better. At least I'm not in denial about it. Yeah, I mean, I'm well aware that some of my fucking things are annoying, you know, but um i'm trying to change it but you know i don't know maybe maybe a sense of dissatisfaction is almost necessary for being creative because my wife is always i drive her crazy because i'm never ultimately that happy like i'm always fretting i'm i can never relax i know you're the same fucking way you know you guys when i was talking to about my girlfriend colila right

like maybe six months ago when you guys i mean you guys took this thing this podcast, and you guys made it into this thing that everyone knows and is aware of. It's like one of the most popular things, right? Yeah. And in my head, I'm like, finally, you know, like, I don't know you, but I'm happy for you. But him, I know that he's been through everything. And I was like, God, good for Brian, you know. And, but it's, do you feel different or no?

Yeah. I have at 50 I feel different in that I just so much of my life before this was so precarious I never had a job I could rely on and I'm talking about for 21 years and so much of my life was a failure as an actor it just was and so I had a lot of disappointment and shame and you know then because what you do is you do the same thing you got and work hard enough I wasn't disciplined enough I'm just not talented enough you go through all these weird things in your head, right? But I knew in my heart that what I've done on stage and what I've done when people aren't looking in acting or in small parts, I did my job. I knew I had it,

but you still feel like, you know, but at the end of the day, I didn't get the job done for a lot of reasons. Yeah, but I get this. You can't get those things. You can't get those things if you're not talented. You can't get fucking movies and that kind of shit if you're not talented. No, I agree. And I think you're similar to Brian in this way.

Bobby where I think I mean Brian should have Not that he's not doing great now with acting Everything but I always said this about Brian he just need a vehicle and I think You're in the same boat not that you're not Killing it there's so much Sometimes I'll see comedians I'll go on after

them or something like God that guy is so Fucking talented While I'll see an act I'm like how are you not blowing up They literally just haven't had the right vehicle Maybe something went they They should have went left and they went right Maybe they should have went right They should have went left

They should have zagged instead of zip. Meeting him, like the symbiosis that we have, like we just went on tour and we have such a fucking great time. And it's all just a couple of fucking silly geese being idiots. And my mother, but what he has that I don't have is he's a really good businessman and he has a fucking athletes work ethic, right? So you're not doing it twice a week, no matter what. And it's going to be, you know, the whole studio, everything about what he does, he's really detailing. I'm fucking not but my mother said

I didn't tell you my mother goes I've been waiting for you to meet somebody like this for a long time because it's a perfect relationship where you know my mom says the same thing about you

really that's funny so sometimes it's just like you you meet somebody who has the same standard of excellence but you motivate each other you know and you start to see them once you start seeing it grow and you start seeing that

the work you're putting in is paying off then it's not as hard I guess, you know, then you can, because you're seeing tangible results, you know, because I could, I, I could, I'm going to buy you on the, on the, on the, on the, on the open market. What? Yeah, I'm going to buy you on the open market. I don't give a shit because guess who's going to be my game, but don't get all emotion about it and cry.

Or do cry because I love fucking Korean boy tears on madong. How's that sound? I'll be your gimp, but don't put me in that little chest thing. Gonna, go. Because I don't want you to, how long are you to be. I'm going to be in there. Whatever, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? You're at Muin. Yeah. I don't suck dick or nothing. Of course you do. Of course you do. Have you ever sucked a dick? No, I'm being real.

You're being real. Have you ever sucked the dick? Open up for him, B. I mean, how do you define sucking the dick? No, like a penis in your mouth. I mean, there was that time in college. Did you really? I went to a phase where I was gay.

No, I never had a dick in my life. Have you, Bobby? Bobby? Wait a Bobby, hold on, sir. Yeah, you know already. No, I don't. Yeah, I have. You have?

Yeah. God, I love how honest you're not. I know you're not. What happened? I mean, what set the, set the whole scenario. Well, when I was in high school, okay, when I was nine, I got molested by a guy with Down syndrome. Don't laugh, Brandon. I'm not laughing.

Why'd you laugh? It's just, I would, it's such a curveball. I know. Can I just say something? I'm going to say it again, and if you smile, I'm going to leave. Okay, okay, okay. But hold on. If you smile, I'm going to fucking leave.

Hold on. That really fucking broke me. No, no, no. All right. Give me a second. I swear to fucking God, dude. I will leave, Chin Chin. You can't make a joke.

That's his name. All right, but that's not his name? Yeah. What's your name again? Chin chin. All right. Give me a second. Don't.

Yeah. Give me a second. All right. I just wasn't ready for that. I understand. I'm going to say it again. And if you smile, I'm going to leave. Well, don't.

All right, hold on. We can't threaten a smile. All right. Just. Hold on. No, because then you're going to laugh. Don't laugh. Don't laugh.

Get serious. Bees opening up here. When I was... You ready? Don't cover your mouth, though, either. You can't cover your mouth. God. The thing is that I, you know, I'm telling you something that's like a...

I'm vulnerable about it. And I'm expressing a truth to you. I do. You got to get serious. And if you cover your mouth, I just feel like you're laughing. Nope, let's do it. All right. So when I was nine, I was brutally molested by.

Okay. You can't say brutally. Why? Because that's a curveball. Why is that? Because don't say curve. And look at chin now. It's not a curveball.

Don't say brutally. You didn't add some adjectives there. So when I was nine years old, every day for a summer. You can't throw shit in there. Why? Because you fucking... I can't. Why can't I? Every day, brus.

That's your problem. I'm going to help. I'm just adding... I'm just adding more. Yeah. Every day, you couldn't avoid them for God's sake. All right, hold on. Yeah.

All right, let's try it again. Don't. Just... All right, how about this? How about this? I'm not going to add more information. The information that I have already on this. table you expect that and i'm not going to add more all right okay i'm ready hold on how long so when i

was nine years old every day for summer i was brutally molested by a guy with down syndrome and i'm gonna let a slide that was pretty good i'm not smiling that was really good i'm not smiling yeah yeah that was really good and i'll tell you why every day is because he he okay so i lived in minnesota people don't know and you did yeah for eight years that's land of the A salon giant. Yeah, I know. And you were... A din in Minnesota.

I lived. And there was a... You know, during the summers, there was like a field, but in the winter, it's like a high skating rink. Sure. And there's a shack in this field. So there's a zamboni. You know what a zamboni is, right?

It cleans the ice. Makes it all smooth. Yeah, right? So during the summer, there was like a pretty big shack, and there was a guy with Down syndrome that lived in it. He was a man? A grown man. Yeah, it was a man.

Okay. And he had candy on these rafters. And he was a little. lure kids in with the candy wow and he wouldn't like you couldn't suck his dick or anything like but he was like he would show his penis right and then like squeeze your ass it was like weird you know but like i didn't give a fuck about it i just wanted the candy what kind of candy we're talking like the one the dipping ones dipping dots i love those right so every day and this is like this is connected to my addiction i'm willing to do anything to get what i want that's interesting

right so even as a kid it's like i want the candy i All right, if this guy's going to, if it's suck this guy's dick, it's bad for me. Because a guy with Down syndrome's penis is different. Was it? Yeah. Did it look down? I don't really remember, but it was, it was just like, it didn't look down, he says. These are legit.

I don't know, man. That's not why they call him Down syndrome because the-Bulling ideas here. I want you to look at my face. I'm trying to figure this out. Don't play innocent. Don't play innocent. I was a play on words. No, it was not.

I'm for real curious. I don't want to talk. There are people who have children who are down. Let's not, let's not, let's not, we're not making fun. No, we're not making fun of it. We're not making fun of it. Yeah, yeah. But I'm not a doctor.

I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but no. It doesn't go down. So you did that for the dipping dots? Right. God damn you. Not dipping dots. How did you, you threw in dipping dots? That's why I thought he said the dipstick.

We're all throwing things in here. Yeah, yeah. and so he was like if you want that suck this he didn't say it yeah he doesn't talk like that but don't paraphrase it that way well that's what happened in the nutshell right so then check this out so then that happened and then when i was 12 i started my parents had my dad is an alcoholic and you has to have this refrigerator in the garage and my mom used to stock it with liquor and so i just every night would go into the garage and just get drunk even before school that's where i alcoholism started right and then um really yeah so then when i was 17 this actually happened i was at a i was at a recovery center

called ocean view recovery center it was in oceanside california and they have this thing called knees to knees so it's basically what you do is you sit in front of your parent and you touch knees on two chairs but then all the other kids's family they're around in a circle around you it's so embarrassing i'm already embarrassed right my brother was there oh no my brother was 14 at a time my mom was there, my dad. Your brother can't wait to make fun of you. No, he does, so check this out. So I'm, I'm, needs to, he's with my dad. And I go, yeah, dad, when I was nine,

I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome. And then you can hear pawns in the room, and this is what my dad did. He fucking laughed. And then it made my brother laugh. Like, my brother's like, tears coming down my brother's face. And then my mom started laughing. And then I start laughing. And they think that we're fucking just crazy.

Yeah. But sometimes your brother, your dad probably didn't know what to do he's out of ammunition what he did what you did earlier yeah well it's it's right it's such a curveball it's such a mind fun yeah yeah yeah yeah it you don't know what to do but yeah yeah it it does it's kind of like but it's so anyway with the dick's that's not the dick though oh that wasn't that wasn't the dick no oh you didn't like the downsend guy's dick on the zamboni maybe maybe not I don't know okay but then after that after that I'm not going to name names because I still talk to some of these guys

But, oh, fuck. You're worried about telling the story now. No, I'm going to do it. You don't have to say their names? I'm not going to say their names. I mean, I just had this dude. No, I had a dude that you, like, a kid that was, like, popular. And then, like, he would come in.

This is when I was drinking, like, at 12. He would spend the night. And then he would go, suck my dick and grab my head and make me suck his dead. Really? Yeah. How many times? How old were you? I don't, like, five or six times.

And you would just do it? Well, I mean, I don't know how good. I mean, I was just like, it was a kind of, like, I don't know how to do. I never saw porn at the time. Right. So I guess it's just like, I made this face, you know what I mean? Yeah. And it did this?

Yeah. And I didn't, you know how you're supposed to wrap your lips around the penis? No, I don't. No, I know you don't. Well, no, I don't. I know you don't, but I'm just saying you've seen porn before, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you've seen women give guys blowjobs.

Oh, yes, my favorite. I didn't do that. My favorite. I think I just left a guy gigantic gap. Yeah. So he felt nothing. Oh. But it was still in my mouth, I think.

Right. That counts five or six times, huh? So you guys would grab an old cold brusky, then he'd grab your hair and make you suck his dick. Yeah. Okay. You're gay. I'm not proud of it.

But you have to also understand. You're 12. When you're 12, you don't even know what the hell is. When you're 12, you're so easily influenced. Your brain is informally, like, developed. For sure. I mean, I would have bit his dick off. Yeah, for sure.

But when you're 12, anything can happen with a care. Yeah, but you probably were always good looking and got. girls and stuff at that right that's 12 so i mean no now you had a brother that would have would cut some throats you had a protective brother right yeah yeah it's anything look anybody at 12 can be anything can happen to anybody now i mean you have a hot girlfriend i you've always had hot girls yeah i have yeah yeah are you still dating the same galila yeah that's awesome yeah god you guys been together for a while yeah i mean three years now three and a half years you guys have a show together right yeah we have tiger belly yeah yeah that's cool what what

Tiger Belly. Yeah. Well, she wanted to do it a couple years, like a year and a half ago, three years, a year and a half ago, and I was like, I don't want to do it. And then I eventually did it. And then we just kind of changed it. And now, what's the show about? It's just us talking about what I've been talking about with you guys.

That's cool. Are you doing any acting? I'm on love. Which is what? It's Judd Apatow show on Netflix. So you're on a TV show? No, but I'm reoccurring, so I get like five episodes out of 12. It's great, though.

You also did a series of commercials, too? I did a, yeah, with booking.com with Jane Lynch. That's right. That was funny, man. Thank you. How's Jane doing? I love her. I love her.

I had to make out with her. She's great. Greatest. And then I had a little part in that movie, keeping up with the Joneses, which is that Zach Gaffanakis, John Hamm movie, but it didn't do well. Oh.

But you know what, dude? Like my, my scene was with Zach and John Hamm. John Hamm is a good guy, right? Great guy, right? And the thing is, is that when, you know, when you're a comedian and you audition for something, and then you get it and then you're in Atlanta

and you're shooting, right? I'm just telling you right now there's just not a better feeling in the world like I'm literally sitting there rehearsing with John Hamm and Zach and I don't get in these situations often because with love I've been on it now

this is two years you know and I get really nervous for love it's because of John Judd's one of my heroes yeah I love him so much I read his book yeah he's great but I get nervous like we did a table read last week

and he sat like you know you can see you can see you know and it's like and it was one of those table reads where you you know you get your parts right in the script yeah but then so I you know don't memorize them as a table read but I know the beats but then I showed up you know right on time and I looked at the packet and I have to read 90 other parts and then I don't know like we're starting yep so then I have to kind of like go and then like there's a monologue of a part that it's not mine yeah but they have a it yet. So I got to kill that too, or the writers will be mad. So it's like, it's not, you know, it's nerve-wracking, you know. I really, when you were talking about being on set like that, there's, there is truly no better feeling. It's what you live for. And you know it's going to go away. Yeah. And you're like, if I could do this for the rest of my life, I've lost some of it, I think, because I had to. But when that would happen, when I was coming up and when that would happen,

and I would get a part and I'd be on a movie set or I'd be like I when I was eating lunch with Martin Sheen of Apocalypse Now Yeah West Wing which was the biggest show I was supposed to be a recurring role And I'm sitting here talking to him about acting And I'm talking to him about De Niro And then I'm doing a scene with Allison Janney

And I think she had just been nominated for In L.A and it was after a hurricane You should have seen it was down in Orange County and it was a scene where the hurricane had just come through and dude with the kind of money the West Wing had the set they took an entire block and I'm not exaggerating an entire block and made it look like a hurricane had come through

and destroyed everything we were on ruins I'm not joking I don't know how much it costs but it was such a huge budget and I played this member of the press pool who was supposed to be this like guy who ends up having an affair with I think Allison Jan anyway long story short I remember just looking realizing I was on West Wing West Wing, this incredibly smart show

and thinking to myself, I would give a pinky. You could cut my pinky off or maybe three of my toes just to be on this show. Like I had been out of work for so long. I've been out of work for so long and it was like that feeling of I just don't want us to go away. And then they aired it.

And you could see they only use the back of my head and like some of the stuff I said. So my parents were waiting to watch it. And you see the back of my head. I've seen every West Wing. I really have. I have it all on because I love Aaron I've never seen you on it.

Yeah, yeah. You see the bag who's talking. I don't know what the fuck you're talking. Oh, wait, hold on. Hold on. You got to know this. You got to know this. You got to know this. I go in, I do it. I'm the last guy to see the audition. My agent goes, there's a chance you might get this. I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, what? And it's, and it's again,

it's a recurring role in West Wing, but it's a pivotal role. And I was just like, and they made we wait five days and I get the call that I get it. And I was like, nah! I couldn't believe it. You see it? you see the back of my head I think you hear me say two words and it cuts to Allison Janie

they just basically are your heartbroken beer no again you know you know me is there ever a time when you're on set where because it's not like obviously I'm so new to it but even when I was shooting my show for the history channel I was on set and I was like dang I got emotion I was like dang man or I'll do a set

at the comedy store and I'll drive down sunset it's the long way home but I drive down sunset because it makes me feel good like I'm doing something yeah that's interesting Yeah, I drive down sunset I get a motion when I drive down sunset That whimsical feeling that you have Like childlike

Yeah That's something that I fucking That I lost Yeah, me too Along the way And when you said that dude I was just like I want that back

I know You know what I mean Because now I go to the comedy store And I just pee on the wall You know what I mean And I treat it like shit I'm the same way Bobby I smoke inside

I'm gonna fuck You know what I mean Dude I could I couldn't agree with you more. Sometimes I don't even show up, you know what I mean? Ask him. I got my own spinoff off the Goldbergs, and I love the Goldbergs. I love it.

But what I do is as excited, as beautiful, as amazing as it is, in my brain, I'm like, well, it's a pilot, you know, chances are, you know, I'm not going to, I don't get excited. I don't know what's going to happen. My guess is it's not going to go anywhere because I've been through that so many times. You visited me when I was on animal practice, where I was on animal practice? I remember you visiting me, right? And I remember. Well, I was shooting something next door. I know you were.

I remember thinking Brian and I are killing it right now and then like eight weeks later I'm crying in my car because it got canceled and it devastated me Of course You know what was fucked up Bobby

I think it's good to care about stuff like that Like it's obviously you guys That's how you deal with it But whenever you know I'm waiting to hear on two shows Someone goes don't think about it's not important man If it happens happens I'm like well no I really want to get it

Yeah I do think about it And real quick, if I don't get it, I'm going to be really upset. What's wrong with it? I really want it. Yeah, nothing. But imagine getting it, then all of a sudden, you know how much money you're making a week. And then all of a sudden, out of the boo, they take it away. You know what's terrible about animal practice?

What? I had inside information. I knew that thing was going to go away, but I couldn't tell you. No, no, let's stop. No, be real. I couldn't tell you. No, do you fucking swear to God? I swear to God.

You do for sure, though, B? Pretty much. fucking you call yourself a friend bro no no no but you didn't know for sure that's just a bad guy thing no it's not a bad guy because what it was was in my mind i was like i was hoping that i was wrong right but you know how people talk right and for me i was like i was like i knew how bad do you want it and i thought to myself no no listen i thought to myself i go i go i i fucking hope that executive is wrong i remember thinking to myself because i i wanted to go so badly for you because you and i were in the same boat you'd finally got in this show i knew how

badly you wanted it but the guy says well they're having problems and I and I have quite I would never tell you that why would I ever tell you that I'll tell you why I'll tell you why I'll tell you why I'll tell you why I'm that's your hopes no no no no no I'll tell you why I'll tell you why it might have gone you know that you don't know because all of a sudden the show's a hit and I said something

and now I'm and now I'm the asshole and and you look like a hater yeah you can't do that no no no no no no can I say something right now okay you and I feel like we're friends yeah no really we're friends I've been to your house Oh, no, we're friends. Also, we care about each. We care about each other, right? And what you just did there, right, was fucking sabotage in the fucking deepest way.

Well, that's because, I'll tell you what, I go, if you get rid of bodily, fix it with me, fix it with me, and the show will go. Because then, now what I think is that if you saw my girlfriend holding hands with another guy walking down the beach, that you wouldn't tell me. Oh, no, I'd tell you. That you would tell me? Unless he was the guy holding hands with you. Listen, listen. When I get in there and you're there and I'm on set and I hear that the show, and I hear that the show. show is having problems as far as ratings and you're right now how do you say it even how the fuck

am i going to tell you i'm going to piss on your parade happiest day of your life you're on set loving it right i'm going to come in and go hey by the way that's something rogan did rogan did that to me so i was doing uh inside schwartz i think at the time and i was so pumped yeah well why because it was nested between will and grace and fucking friends oh my god huh yeah yeah huh it was the it was right there It was like, that's it. I made it. And, Rogan goes,

Rogan had inside the information. He goes, that show's going away. You got to know that, right? I go, huh? What? What? I got a shopping list.

I'm redecorating my fucking house in Venice. It's the greatest thing in the world. I'm a sitcom. I'm famous. Yeah. The guy, Will and Grace had gotten Porsches the year before. They had been,

their bonus was Porsches. Everybody got a Porsche. And we were like, and I remember talking to the director, who was the director of Will and Grace. We were like, do you think we'll get Porsche? You're picking on your porch

Me and Breck and Meyer shooting him back because yeah we're like Do you think maybe we'll get Porsches and guess what went away

went away but Rogan Rogan Rogan just the That's Rogan The truth teller The truth teller The truth teller

I heard it's going away You know that's going away It's going away You got to know that Yeah That's Roggan He does do that He's very black

He'll piss on your parade I would never do that to you Yeah Because I don't know I don't know Yeah Don't you think When you guys talk about

Hollywood how you wish you had that whatever like I'm a young buck a rookie don't you think and it happens with fighting too and I heard Max Kellerman talking about it I think it was Zab Judah walking out for a fight and he goes one of the reasons that I don't

look at Zab Judah the same way is he became jaded to the sport he started talking about the money behind the scenes and stuff like that and the same thing happened to me with the UFC is once you figure out the intricates of the business and you see the darkness you become jaded to you you feel like

very jaded it's when you started looking at yourself as a gray elephant in a circus right yeah well yeah and you start you're like oh my god they don't give too fucks about me so then like that magic dust goes away what happened to me like oh my to me and it was a slap in the face in the NFL my since I was a kid I was like man why get the NFL's gonna be so great and you're gonna get to you get all the cool

helmets and you know I've always been into the cleats and the jerseys my locker is gonna be so amazing just like I see on NFL network and have all these NFL books and you get there and the coaches didn't know my name they spelled my name wrong I didn't have a locker

I was there for literally a week and then I got hurt and they're like get the fuck out of here I was like I thought this was like Disneyland like definitely not get the fuck out part of what's great about that you can't run fast don't catch well enough

see you later that's but part of what's great about that and acting is that it is a meritocracy there's no second place there's only first place Different. The act is different because casting director might, for whatever reason was bullied by a Korean man when he

was a kid and Bobby comes in to do the reading and goes, fuck this guy right away. Like they have their own bias. Oh, they have. Where football all right, well all you got, I got to run 40 yards. It's measurable. Well, if I run a 4 and I catch his football, I don't care if you don't like me. All you care about

is if I catch a ball. They're also. It's not up to. There's a mathematical reality. It's very black and white. I do this happened to me with the casting director like three weeks ago I went and read for a movie right it was like five lines okay guess who reads with me the same part Stephen Yun from Walking Dead so now this Korean dude kid right is handsome good actor fucking great actor niceest guy you can I know him right nicest guy you can ever meet and he's reading he's also the number one Korean star on planet earth he and he has to read for five lines Damn right, he does. Now it is. No, but no, I yell at him. So I go, if you ever, because you're our hope, you're young, you're good looking, and you're super, right? Yeah. So you can never audition for these parts again. He goes, you're right. So then I get a call last week for my agent. That cast director called me and started yelling at me about you, saying that Stephen June now won't come in for her. Right? And now I just blacklisted myself from doing that. Good for you that you did that, though, because you're right about Stephen Nune. He shouldn't be going in there for certain things.

If you're going in for a big movie and De Niro's in the room, yeah. Yeah, no, that's not, no, my argument is this, is that if, this is, I'm really fucking passionate about this. Like, that kid from Breaking Bad, what's his name, Ron? Aaron. Aaron. Aaron. Right. Talented guy, right?

Yeah. To me, Stephen Yune is at that level in terms of fame. It's a cultural show that, you know, it's a cultural show. Sure. Everyone knows it, right? He's the most, he tested the highest, you know what I mean, from that show, Stephen Yun. Okay. They both get off the two shows.

He gets leads, right? A lead of a TV show. I've seen him in a bunch of movies. And my boy has to read for five lines. That's fucking bullshit, dude. Yeah. It's fucking bullshit. Yeah, I agree.

And also, you have Han. Korean power. It's not Han. Fuck Han. Man, I'm going to tell you something right now. I'm going to say this right now for real. Okay, say it. It's is that

that, you know, Tilda Switten's character and Dr. Strange was supposed to be an Asian person. Uh-huh. Do you know that? No. But they cast a white person, right?

Ghosts in the shell, an anime, right? A Japanese, Japan-Mashan anime, it's a fucking popular anime, right? One of my favorites. Right. The lead is an Asian lady. They cast Scarlett Johansson.

Or she's just going to say that, Scarlet Johanson. Right. They did the same thing with, they do it all the time. It drives me fucking crazy. You know what the boy from Goodwill Huntin? What's his name, Matt Damon?

They cast him some Japanese moving people. I think that's going to start changing as China becomes a player in the film market. They've been saying that for fucking years, dude. It's not because those movies would the white actors kill. Well, that's the thing. Well, that's the thing. That's what I'm saying is that a lot of it's an economic decision. So that they do is they just say, I mean, the problem is, Bobby, is that you're talking about capitalism.

So what they'll do is they'll go, look, yes, there are a lot of Asian amazing actors that could do this. But guess who gets more butts in the seat because this country is what happens. No, that's not because you, first of all, you. you have to try. What do you mean? Well, they have never tried it. They don't know. Why do they have to try, though, when all that money's on the line?

No, what I'm saying is that, you know, what you're saying to me is this, is that we're going to cast a white person in this part because of the fact that they put- She's famous. You know, you know, you make $100 million more pop potentially. But you, how do you know that when you've never put an agent in that part? Well, according to their algorithm, according to their algorithm, according to their algorithm, what if it's bigger? No, okay, maybe, but their algorithm would say Matt Damon, they got a lot of money on that.

Well, no, they're going off. a blueprint. They're going, every time we use a white, famous person that comes over to China, we kill it. But everybody's responsible. I'm with Bobby on this. They don't know. Am I going to play Huckleberry Finn in a Tom Sawyer fucking movie? Correct. No, am I? No, but what I'm saying, what I'm saying is that you have not in Varsie, but hold on you. You are dealing with hundreds of millions dollars and you're responsible to your investors. What happens is people get very afraid. They're not going to gamble on a new face. They're not going to gamble on a black face, an Asian face or a white face if that, if they know that they

have certain sure things that sign on you know donald glover was supposed to be in the he's supposed to be the new spider man the black kid yeah he's the new spider man and the last second like can't do a black spider man and the reason why can i tell you why they thought culturey it wouldn't do you know why because spider man's not black true okay they're not going to have an ethiopian guy play iron man right right a mexican guy play superman because those are things that are like that's what i'm saying they weren't right so what i'm saying is this is this, is that these are two projects that were written for

Asians, right? And then they switched it, right? And it's like, we can't play ourselves? To appease I get it. I get the anger. I get the anger and I get that you're right in that sense. What I'm saying is that it doesn't surprise me from an economic point of view because they're too afraid. I get it.

I get it, but can I just say this? I get it. You can make those decisions, but just know that it's racist. But also try. I don't think it's racist. Whoa. I don't. I don't. I love it. I think it's capitalist. I think there's a difference I think what it is is that they go

Matt Damon who's the biggest movie star in the world and we know draws a worldwide audience is willing to do our movie game over that's called being a movie star

and they stop why don't you just make a different movie then they kind of did no what I'm saying is that if they're okay goes to the show whites are going to be in it

let's just not do it let's do something else yeah but nobody I don't don't we when I say we don't take this too but we steal a lot of Japanese

and Chinese movies they make like the grudge right the grudge there's a lot of it that we go okay that's a great point yeah that's a really good point and then we make it all our white version right i was going to say the story is not sacred like you you like a huge well most of our horror movies do come from japanese chinese or korean movies that killed over there and then we go oh cool we're just going to make the white version now yeah it makes me sad i understand it makes you sad i'm i'm with you i think they should at least try because you know akira is is one of my favorite It's a Japanese anime.

It's pronounced Akira. I know it is. And they're trying to reboot it, right, as a live action. And I hear names attached to it like Josh Gordon-Levitt, which is a great actor. He's amazing. But, you know, it's like... I hear you. No, just listen.

No, but I know what you mean. I agree with you. But you're not, you know... Let him finish me. Yeah. Yeah, but you're not like psychic or anything. I am. You don't hear me?

No. I have to say what I'm going to say then. No, I felt it emotionally, but I want you to say for that. I'm not going to say... now because I you're saying it's a it's exactly but I have an anger pawl up in my throat I have an anger pall up in my throat and it's like fiery because you just did that I'm sorry because I feel passionate about it and all of a sudden you're like denying my shit and then all a sudden no but real be real fucking white people are right no no I'm not making it like that

I'm not going to make it we can't you I'll jump on what I'm saying is that I'll remember it no no there's two things I want to remember that and the fucking animal practice no no no don't hope would he be real with your you're not going to be real with your no you have a hot in your throat about me and have a throat pull up no no Get rid of the throat polish. I can't. Get rid of it. Yeah, yeah.

All right. I want to hear what you have to say. I honestly forgot. Oh, no. Yeah, I fucking full-blown. Dude, the anger swallowed your fucking thought. I know, because you did it. I know.

This is what you did. I know you're about to say, so don't say it. How the fuck do you know? Holy shit, your accent. Oh, yeah. I only be here for six weeks. What the fuck? You've been putting out of the fake American.

Yeah. Yeah, I took off on it. Hooked on fun Dude, you've been making You've been pretending to be American How good talent I am I go back or fall Back a fall

I have an anger polyp in my throat Anger polyp in my throat I'm stealing that Yeah I have an anger You really There is a part of you Because I'll tell you something

You did to me like a month ago Yeah So you're in the main room And I didn't see you in so long Right And I get it People want a piece of you Yeah

I get it right Yeah So you come from the main room room. I go, what's up? And you kind of, you know how you do your joking thing? Like, I'll stab, you know what I mean, your ribs with my dick, you know, whatever, you know what I mean? And then all of a sudden, and I go, how are you? I said, how are you? And all of this, you just completely turned around and you start talking to eight other people. Oh, no. I would never do that to you. No, no, get rid of the throat problem. No, from that, from that time. Oh, I got to you have

two pouch about me. How about this? Let's make a rule. Yeah. Regardless of what's going on, just lock eyes with me. Yeah. And just go, if I say, how are you? Acknowledge me as a human being. I will. Right? Yeah. And then also go, how are you? And then end that situation?

Yeah. And then do your thing. Bobby, how bad of a person you think Brian's going to become once his spin-off gets successful? I can't wait. How big of a... Hey, how much you think he's going to change? I don't think he's going to change much. No, I'll do this, though.

I'll go, say hi to me. Hi. Hey. Hey, I'm going to get you in for the... Let me get you next week. There's an Asian guy. No, don't do that. No, I don't snap my...

You know what? I'm not going to say hi to you. Why? Because you're going to do that. I wanted that. By the way, you know I love you. You know, I think you're one of the funniest people ever. Thank you.

That's a fact. Is this the end now? No. No. Are you kidding? I'm loving this conversation. Me too. Should we jump into current events?

Well, yes, but we should probably give him to the polyp in his throat. No, I'm totally for the palp's gone. I don't want to feel like I'm being insensitive to your point about Asians not getting as they should. No, because you made really interesting points that I've kind of never heard from that point of view. And so now I'm kind of weighing it. in my head. You have a right to be upset.

In a way, it is capitalism. And in a way, it is, they want to make money and they want to make sure that they make money. But then, you know, just, my thing is, is just pick a project with white people in it. It's also fucked up, too. Yeah, there's a little bit of both ends. I can see why they do it. But it's also like, but let's also try from its original roots, too.

Let's see how that works out. I also just try it. Yeah. I also feel like everybody suffers to an extent from issues that they have no control over. So Hollywood's so strangely meritocrat. It's such a cutthroat business in the sense that do you put butts in the seat? If not, we're going to go with this. Yeah, the stakes are too high.

That's why you see all these action movies and Marvel movies because they know that's what's going to put butts in the seats. What I also think is hilarious is yesterday, literally yesterday at the improv, I had three comics, you know well, who are white, and it's so funny. And they were loudly complaining about the fact that they can't get, on the map as comics or specials because they are white. And now all of it goes to minorities and everything else. And I went and I looked at them.

I was just watching them. I didn't say anything. I was watching them. I was watching them going, this is how it goes. Everybody in Hollywood, first of all, actors are famous for going, those sons of bitches. They've betrayed me and I'll never forget it. We all do it. And then every group has a gripe.

And I always look at it like when the Oscars were like it was whites only. Well, I don't think Hollywood's racist in that sense. I think it's unfair to Hollywood to do that. And by the way, see this year's Oscars the entire, the over-extreme blowback. Yeah, a little bit of the bottom line is a lot of times there are most of the writers and directors in Hollywood are white men. Look at me right now. Yeah. Who the fuck?

Who the fuck were those three? I'm taking my jacket. No, no, Bobby. Bobby, please. I wanted to get you riled out too. Who the fuck were those three? Holy shit. You said you were.

Who the fuck? fuck who the fuck they're tall they're white okay can i guess they're older kirk fox am i close no they're more famous yeah i can't tell you you're gonna fucking tell me how about this how about this how about this okay yeah you'll cut it out we'll edit this part yeah but just tell me who they are you'll cut this part out because i cannot continue i cannot continue unless i know the names okay because you said i know very well and now I'm not going to guess the whole time in my head And I'd rather just get the information

They were just saying No, no, no, who the fuck are they, dude? They couldn't get Who are they? John Appetal It's not Judd Apatow No, Chris Rock, Dave Shepardt. Is Christa Rock?

Are they comedy store comics? Listen, dude, I'll tell you they will. And they're funny guys And they're great guys I have, can I respond to what you just said? Yeah, please. I would love you to. All right, so I'm a guy

who I'm with Creative Artist's agency They're the biggest agency one of the top three. Yeah, we're with them. My guys are all, you know, top of the line agents. I audition seven times a year. Do you know why? Because that's all that's available to me.

That's true. And the shit that I get is like so humiliating. Yeah. That it's like, I still have to go in. But it's like shit like, I mean, one time, remember that movie, King Kong, Peter Jackson's King Kong? Yeah, yeah. I remember going to the audition.

There was no lines. There's no sides. and I go, they go, you're going to improvise. So I show up and I walk into this room and there's a cardboard cutout a King Kong against the wall. Okay? And I guess Peter Jackson's in Australia

or New Zealand, wherever he's from, right? Five feet, satellite feet or whatever. And they go, just run in a circle and scream. I go, what? Just run in circle, you're screaming. So I'm like, I commit. I'm loud. Ah, you know what I mean?

I'm in a circle. They go, stop, stop, stop, stop. And they go, yeah, but he's Asian. Oh, God. I go, what? Yeah, do it more. Asian. We're Asian flavor.

You know what I did? Ah! At the end like that. I think that was great. And I left going, I'm done. I can't do it. Yeah, fuck this. And you should see the caliber of talent that was in there.

I mean, guys that now are like A-list guys who are Asian dudes, were in there with me. And it's like, that's the kind of should I get. It's humiliating. Yeah. And I still, you know, as an adult, you still have to do that. Well, and you, and you should. And that's why I want to know the three names.

And you should. Because I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why I for B, okay? You and I are boys. Yeah. Spiritual connection. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. We're from a different plane. Yeah. Okay. And there's no deception between us. Yeah. No cloudy weather. We see right through each other, right, in a good way.

Yeah. You're going to tell me the names. I'll do this. I'm going to recommend you highly for my new show. Is that your way of saying, drop it? No, that's my way of saying you get in the room in front of me and you run in a circle and you scream. And I want to see how you do that.

And I want some Korean words thrown in there. I want some Korean words thrown in there. And then I want some karate shit at the end. Yeah, yeah. You understand me? Yeah. And then from there, I'll decide whether or not you get the part. And I'll probably give you a call and say,

loved you, not Asian enough. Yeah, yeah. Loved you, not Asian enough. Okay. And I'll hang up. And guess what? And I'll pick it back. I'm going to go, hey, we're going to keep you in mind because we're fans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Click. Yeah, click. Click. And then I'm going to pick it up again and go, dude, had a great part for you. Gave it to a Swede because he's blonde, tall, with smooth skin, and I prefer those people to be around me.

On said. Click. So that's four phone calls I just gave you. Holy shit, you got to apologize, dude. Hold on. He's fucking quiet. Hold on. Everybody be quiet.

You're a funny guy. No, you are. You're timing. Thank you. I know where you're going. Thank you. Right. Comedy-wise.

Yeah. But you're hurtful. You're hurtful. You said a lot of hurtful things. Yeah, yeah. You attack me. I love you. That's not love.

That's not love, Bobby. What? Is it tough love? It's a shadow play. Do you know what I'm? one of my favorite compliments you gave me, and you don't even know that you gave it to me, because I know it. What is it? When I was at the MMA Awards, and I had to give

Oh, I was out there. Yeah, I had to give a speech when I was with tequila, and I guess I was funny. I don't remember what I said. I made everybody laugh. And Bobby, I tell the story, it makes me feel really good about myself. I'm talking about myself, this is lame as shit. Yeah, yeah. But you said one word that made me feel so fucking good. You don't even know it. You turned to my buddy Anthony, and you went. As

I went up there and I was making everybody laugh. Yeah. You'd turn to Anthony, everybody's laughing, and you went. professional yeah and Anthony went yeah I see you know what I thought I'm still filled with pride

you know what I saw you know when I said that out loud too when I saw the warrior in the movie theater oh yeah yeah professional thank and that's why your little fucking

shadow play shit you're doing right now it hurts it hurts even more you guys let me say something right now dude right I'm waiting to say anything right now right this is B right here

right let's if there's a ball I lob it he hits it yeah he wins right but the shit he's doing to me he won't even throw the ball No, come on

You won't even throw the ball Help me throw the ball What? Help me throw the ball Well, don't do Ching Chang shit with me, man Dude, I told you that I'm getting you an audition

Yeah, but you said Ching Chong, Jing Chang, all that No, I did not You said you were gonna force I want you running in the surface You know what? You know what? You know what I think what it is

is that Before I had throat polyps Yeah And then I went away And also I'm tired Yeah And I'm gonna let it go I want to start

Let's do a reset Okay, let's see it. Oh yeah, go. Because I want you to know I respect We're restarting We're restarting Yeah, he's good Yeah, we're good

Why are you so tired, Bobby? I didn't sleep much last night What were you doing, fucking? No, I was playing video games What games? I played Destiny again Not Destiny, I play Skyrim last night That's the next one

I like adventure Yeah, it's on Xbox You like adventures Hey, stop scratching yourself I'm itchy You got guilty You just got guilty Talking about video games

Because it tells you how many hours You play And I play like like 120 hours a week, yeah Oh my God A lot Does your girl play with you too?

No I brought the system into the bedroom So she can watch her like Netflix shows And I just play video games next to her So your brain is addicted to the dopamine Yeah I know I just I need I want my life to get different

And I think that I need to You know I need to stop with this bullshit Let's go ahead and throw the masturbation Like the masturbation You're jacking off a lot too? No it's not that it's like kind of shit. Like, if you look at my phone on my iPad right now. Yeah, I see it from your back back.

Yeah. I, I've been jerking off to like weird shit. Oh, you have? Yeah. What kind of weird stuff? Well, if I say it, if I say it, this is the first time I ever I just said it, you can't, please don't, because it's not, it's, for, first of all, it was for a laugh. I started watching it for a laugh, but then I also masturbate to it. Oh, I got to hear that. Yeah, you got to tell us. There's a one called Old J.

What's that? It's O-L-D-J-E.com. Oh, old Jay Yeah What is it? Is it Asian? No, it's not Asian It's European Okay

And it's like Nine year old men With like 19 year old girls Oh Like you know Like Anna Nicole Smith How to blow that old Yeah

So in the beginning You're laughing at it But then you get aroused And then you jerk off Because it means you still have hope All of us No it's not that What do you think it is

Why And this is And okay But if you're listening Maybe I need therapy But I think it's because of the fact I know that they don't want to be there

Ah, the girls Yeah, because It's so fucked No, because sometimes They're stuck in the old man's dick And in their eyes they think Mommy Like think about their mom

You know what happened in my life? It's some dark shit Okay, you want to know something? What? So there are a lot of women That get off on watching porn I happen to know some Who get off on watching porn

Where the guy's super sleazy The girl's young and innocent And doesn't technically quote unquote want to Like in their mom they're like he's just being he's being an animal and just that teen yeah it's that it's that dominance so i don't feel bad then i don't think so it's very common and i also have news for you there are a lot of women and there are a lot of men that watch granny porn that watch old people with young people and it turns them on there are a lot of women that are into my friend's wife told me his wife is into old

men yeah having sex with women her age and she gets off on it so human sexuality there's Yeah, it's also, there's also the, I think it's the fuck my wife porno. Oh, cuckled. Yeah, where it's the husband's there and just some young strapping lad comes in with a good, good, good, Godzilla cock. What did you say it was a cacosa? What was it? No, um. Oh, you're talking about the, uh, the greatest word for a day.

Fuck, I'm making Togosa. Hagoza. I'm making a shirt. A grand hagosa. Yeah. He comes in with a, my boy, Joe Romero and I were talking about last night. He's our new artist. We're going to do a hogoso shirt.

It's so funny. It's going to have a war hug. A grand, haggoso. It's going to have a warthug on the foot. Is it haggoso or haggosso? Either way. If I see an Asian girl in a porn, I fast forward. Oh, that's interesting.

Do you know why? Why? Because I know that their parents are very disappointed in them. So, oh, that's so. Because I, let me just say something. When I got a C on my report card, I got beat for like a week. Imagine going, Daddy, I do porn. I mean, it's over.

Well, also. Carrie. I mean, yeah. Is also a Kara cream? She's actually Japanese. Well, also. has done my podcast, and she's a dear friend of ours. Love for.

Her situation I've never heard of before. It's crazy. Her parents are very close to her. They're both Asian, Japanese, right? And they're supportive. It's crazy. I don't think they realize to what extent. Oh, they know.

You think they know that her daughter's just... I don't think they watch it. Boles on balls, on balls. Oh, she does stuff that, like, they stick it in the ears. I mean, crazy stuff. In a way, in a way, what else would you do if your daughter has this thing that you have no control over? You have to go on loving or anywhere. Oh, I never talk to her again.

Do you have, you would never? You have a daughter? I have a son. But, but analyze that for a second. No, I'm just kidding. I don't know. Until you're in the situation, you don't know. That's right.

You have a daughter. I do. Two, right? I have a daughter and a son. A dad or a son. Yeah. So what you're saying to me is this. if your daughter said,

Daddy, I'm doing porn. No, it'd be a disaster. I know about what, would you be supportive and still love her? Be, I guarantee you'd be a disaster. Nope, I know you. You'd be supportive, but you would have a long talk with him like, listen, because we know girls doing porn. That movie does not end well for most of them.

And by most of them, I mean, all of them. Yeah, I think that. Maybe also. My daughter's eight years old, and she already has her own autonomy. And for me to try to control that shit, for me to try my daughter's decided she's a vegetarian and I was cooking elk

because Rogan gave me a shitload of elk and I eat it every fucking day and if you're wondering why I'm so aggressive back to your daughter yeah sorry back to your daughter my daughter started she goes you're cruel you're mean you're just mean

she got that from somebody yeah of course she did you're mean that you're eating elk I go sweetie try a piece she goes ugh don't even look at me it's disgusting so she's a little vegetarian now she's not going to want to porn There ain't shit I can do You never know

You never know Bottom lies I can't do anything About this new phase She's in There's no amount of logic There's nothing I think She is decided

She's on a meat-free diet So she eats beans And cashew butter And fucking She'll eat it off egg once in a while Kids do weird shit Well again You have no kids Bobby

Do you want kids Do you and your girl want kids We some beautiful kids My girlfriend and I My girlfriend and I I don't know if I just talk about it But I think I'm going to You're trying

I don't want to talk about it but I'm going to have to. We got rid of one. Oh, you did? And I didn't want to, but I had just met her. Oh, yeah. And, but I got, we almost broke up because with the day she was getting an abortion,

I was on DVDSA, which is David Cho's podcast. And you know how like you sit down and you're just talking to your friends? I said, yeah, my girlfriend, beginning abortion right now. I said that, but the thing was it hasn't started. But he aired it. anyway okay so your daughter your girl knows so your girl would be okay with you saying this then right now yeah because i already then oh my god that's her right he's like fuck i mean like

you're a fuck you know and then because i'd been sober at that point for like what um 11 years i literally remember driving from the podcast to a bar because i knew that she was going to leave and i'm relapsing my life is over oh man yeah yeah and so you guys do you guys just decided to get rid of the baby just because you just got together we just knew each other and also listen I get it I mean in terms of the abortion issue

I get why you know people are infuriated by it you know I don't know for me I think what makes somebody a human being is I think therefore I am like Descartes when he said that like you have to be aware of your own existence for it to be

anything I believe some religious people disagree they think that I don't, you know. Life begins at conception. Yeah, like, yeah. So, um, but for me, um, it would have been nice to have a son or a daughter with Kalila because I love Kalila so much. So, um, yeah, that happened.

And I feel like you'd be a good dad too because you're a nice person. Thank you. Well, I love how honest you are about everything. It's pretty liberating. Do you know why? Do you know why do it? Why? Because if I don't do it, it, basically it's this.

It's like, you know, I don't want people to have ammunition to hurt me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, right? So what I do? Oh, you're doing that eight mile. Right, so what I do, I just go, everything. Get it all out. This is everything about me, right? There's nothing that you can say to hurt me.

Like, people on Twitter go, you're not funny. You should quit doing comedy. Go fuck yourself, right? But because of the fact. It's also ridiculous to say. I know, but they do say it, you know. But they say, but Chris Rock gets that freaking broken. I understand that.

And it doesn't hurt me. It doesn't hurt me. They're looking for a response out of you. Right. And I don't respond to it by my... LeBron James gets, you suck at basketball. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyone in the world gets that. You suck. Yeah. Right. I would win a fight I'd get you fucking suck at fighting. All right, man, cool. Yeah. But I think it helps to get everything out there so that now I'm an open book.

And also, like, I'm not proud of the things I've done in my life, but I've accepted it. What are you proud of? I'm proud of. Yeah. I think the things I'm proud of is, um, Listen to me, like, for an Asian-American to spend eight years on an American sketch show. Huge. It's never been done.

It's never been done before. And be great at it. Yeah, it's never been done before. And I don't ever get credit for it. For Koreans, though, Chin, he's a big deal, yeah? Like, when I told you he was coming on, he goes, when I told you, when I told Chin you were coming on, he's like, oh, well, yeah, I love by him. I'm like, well, it's for sure, relax. I didn't say Brad Pitt.

Yeah, yeah. And he's like, no, but for Koreans is a big deal, man. I mean, listen, I mean, a lot of Koreans like me, some don't, but that's fine, but it's like, I'm just saying what I feel proud of. And it's like, you know, when I'm from San Diego, my parents are immigrants, I have no connection whatsoever with Hollywood or show business. I literally started from the streets. I was walking down Pearl Street where the comedy store in La Jolla is. Oh, boy. I saw a help wanted sign.

It said, we need dishwashers. I was 23 years old. I knocked on the door during the day. Fred Burns, the manager at the time, hired me. And I started doing open mics, and that's how I started. Awesome. So to go from there to where I am now, I look in the mirror and go, you know what? It's like you, I haven't had a day job in 20 years, really.

That's amazing. I always make a really good nut a year. And for me to do that, being the way I look and my ethnicity and all that stuff is really a miracle. And I didn't quit. That's the main thing. That's the American dream, son. you got to take risks man you know you just got to take risks

and that's the one thing I'm proud of myself it's like like I did the goddamn comedy jam on Comedy Central you sing a song right so much fun so all week all week long dude the note from Comedy Central was the only note we have don't show your dick

right and they would remind me every day because I do rehearsals I go alright I'm not to show my dick so then I'm shooting now I'm shooting with Chris Hardwick and Tiffany Haddish. Tiffany Haddish goes up and gives the greatest performance I've ever seen anyone give in the history of fucking show business. Would she sing?

A Tina Turner song, but it's not that her story was unbelievable. Her singing was unbelievable. She can sing? Oh, yeah. Her dancing and just, oh, my God. The whole audience gave her a standing ovation. Even comedy said you could see they're all on the balcony. standing ovation wow so then i'm i'm in the back and i'm going i don't know what the fuck to do

that's terrifying because i i can't get saying i can do nothing you know then chris hardwick goes up but guess who he goes up with richie sambora oh give me a fucking so they go chris hardwick richie sambora it's ah you know people you know they and chris can sing he can yeah and he rocks the fucking house now i'm in the back what's he saying what what is he saying what is he saying He played, what, Richie San Borough, it was a Bon Jovi song. Have you done Chris' podcast? No, he would never have me out, I don't think. Wow.

I mean, I've done his show. I like him. Yeah. So I'm in the back now. I have to show my dick. It's the hell merry. I have nothing. I don't have a star up there with me.

I can't dance or sing. What was the song? It was, oh, it was, do you think I'm sexy by Rod Stewart? and yeah if you want my body right and I had to write him a letter to even have him improve it damn and it took weeks

so one day I just did a heartfelt letter and he goes fuck it fine right so I'm on stage I'm doing okay but it's kind of right so then I go I'm going to end with my dick out right

so I think the song ends I pull my dick out and I raise my hands like that the song's not over The song's not over So now I'm swing for like a minute With my dick like this You know

Is the crowd going wild Oh yeah they're going crazy Your dick is out Yeah my whole little dick They fucking told you not to do it Yeah and then I'm backstage And I went backstage with the mic still in my hand I didn't give it to the guy

Because I was like My career's over And then I go to my phone And it was like nine texts From Comedy Central Right And they all said You killed it

You know, that's cool, man. You know what I mean? All that stuff. Yeah, because they can just blur your penis out. Yeah, they can just blur it out. And I think maybe they were trying to egg me out. I don't know, but. Don't make sure you don't show your penis.

Yeah, yeah. Hey, Bobby, I don't want to see that thing. But you know, here's another. That's why I'm proud. But the reason why I said that, though, was because of the fact that, like, you know, I'm a survivor, right? So it's like, also my story, I changed it. So it was more punchlines in the back without even there.

approval because professional professional right so i'm going i have to do this and i'm doing it editing in my head and i'm going to show my day and then i did it and it worked out and it was a good performance love it's called being a professional yeah but it's like you have to survive you did what you had to yeah because i'm not going to let them no i'm not going to just sit there and go oh you suck that's what makes you a great comedian by the way i don't know about that you got skills son talent oh yeah let's get into some current events oh yeah let's current let's current event it yeah actually it's all Korean events. All right, Chin.

Damn it. I didn't put it up yet, but my friend just text me that Mary Tyler Moore passed away. No. The great Mary Tyler. How old was that? No, no, no. No, I love her. No, I love her.

No, I love her so much. She's greatness. Oh, my fucking God. Mary Tyler Moore is greatness. What a great actress. Oh, my God. 1936. She was 80, dude.

Mary Tyler. Mary Tyler Moore's show that she did. How about her in ordinary people? How good was she in ordinary people? Oh, my God. She killed it. Mary Tyler Moore, that show was one of the great shows of all time. She used to be a little smoke show.

Look at the teeth. No, she was gorgeous. Yeah, she was gorgeous. She was a good, good gorgeous. And she's... God, she was doing it forever. How old was she? Did a giant.

When she passed away? 80. 80? Not that old. What she died from, Chin? I'm going to guess old age. I just literally got the text. She was a giant, though.

She was a cancer. She was so good. Click on that CNN thing. Where's the CNN one? to the left. Now, sometimes they hit it with like been battling cancer. She was 80. That's not that old.

That's when you die. That's not that old. 80. Especially for a woman. I was about 33 years. Oh, my God. Why'd you highlight death just now? I just talked to in to find where it says deaths. I'm not sure how she died.

Oh, God. You know, I saw a documentary on HBO about Debbie Reynolds and Kerry Fisher. How crazy was that? right the doc you saw the documentary no you didn't realize that they lived with each other for many many years and their houses were attached oh right super close so yeah i thought when debby reynolds died the day after carrie it was like coincidence but no it was that she couldn't live with her daughter yep you know and it made me i cried you know it made me so sad it made her debby rannes couldn't live with her daughter

yeah yeah yeah because you did the day they were so close so close they performed together they hung out with each other every day. Best friends. And another thing I want to say about Demi Reynolds is that

she was a fucking beast. Yeah. Act, sing, live shows, right? And can I see something about

Carrie Fisher? Sure. That documentary and what it did for me? This is when she was filming Star Wars, but before it

she went to a Star Wars convention and she looked in the camera and says, I'm a celebrity stripper, right? I'm getting celebrity lap dances.

And she went out and gave autographs and took photos with them. And when I do it at shows, I feel weird. Because, you know, especially when things aren't going well in your career, you go, this is, but it made me realize that, like, you know, you just, you're trying to make a living here. Yeah. You know, it really just made me feel, you know, it's sad, but also, it was really

inspiring this lady, you know, Carrie Fisher, you know, anyway. And that relationship, right? That makes sense. They were so close and she died the next day. That happens a lot with, uh, with married couples, right? Yeah. Like the husband had died And then literally like weeks later

The wife does just broken heart And they were connected Yeah I mean I don't know if I would Yeah I mean I don't know if I would But if you're close with your girlfriend And you guys get married

Whatever you're dead for a while I would assume so But do you think at 80 You still have a little window like Dude I'd go to OJ I'd star an old J Maybe it's time I would star in OJ

And guys are you're freaking off to me Brian and Bobby O'J part two Yeah That's true What else you got chin oh so i read that it was complications due to her diabetes i should i guess she had diabetes and was on a respirator for a week oh fuck that he did you sad um usane bolt he he's losing a no he's losing a god damn chin a gold because one of his teammates tested positive for a substance

oh so he's losing the relay yeah yeah so they all lose their gold that doesn't he doesn't care about that i got super skeptical eyes because super skeptical guys because when you're that close and your team one guy's on it yeah well so that guy who was a NCAA champ in the 400 meter who was at our show and uh at and he said i said do you want to go to the olympics he goes i'd have to take a lot of stuff dude you got to put something in your body and i don't want to do it i said really does everybody does it he goes everybody does it i go everybody he goes hey i promise you anybody in the olympics they're all doing something they have to legalize that for track and field is it's It's more common that than any other sport.

It is, right? They're doing it anyway. Just legalize it? I don't know. I don't know if you can legalize it, Bobby. Why? Have you heard of this? Methyl hexamine.

I have it. They got all kinds of new stuff. Yeah. But what a bummer. All of them lose their gold medals because the relay team? Yeah. Obviously, it's not huge to him, but the rest of the teammates, that that's got to suck. Yeah.

It sucks, man. Not huge to Bolt, but still. geez well that's the first one the second one is uh what he started today towards building the wall he's really going through with it he's got to get there are a lot of steps you got to go through a lot of step there's no way you're talking about private property rights you'd have to have eminent domain through the whole thing and this will take it's 40 billion dollars and we're talking about trump building the wall he is unbelievable this guy he has to do this i believe that hey look at breaking news it says trump says he's he's he's he's

He wants, oh, fuck, it changed, but says Trump says he's been told torture works, but he will defer to his hiring. Well, because Mathis said it's a bad idea. Well, the thing is, is that here's a fact that Mexico's not going to pay for it. So already, you know, he duped people. And number two, we have to pay for it. He tweeted out, big day playing on national security tomorrow, among many other things, we will build the wall. Yeah, he's got to say these things because that's what he said. But the bottom line is, who's going to pay for it?

You've got to go through a lot of private property. And do you think that's really going to work? I mean, what are we doing? Where there's a will, there's a way. They're going to figure it out. Yeah, nobody's going to dig underneath it or, you know. Yeah. Also, it's like they'll take boats around.

Can they do that or no? They'll figure something else. Yeah, yeah. You'll figure something out. You're never going to stop it. You do all kinds of stuff. Also, shut up. Yeah.

I don't want to spend money on a $40 billion wall. now let me ask you guys something were you depressed when he won I was more scared I was still I'm still scared I'm afraid he I worry that he's unhinged I've never been a fan of his I've been very vocal about it I was not a fan of Hillary either but I think he is

unhinged I worry that his he's I believe truly he's a pathological narcissist it's why he goes after anybody anybody including creating falsehoods if anybody attacks him and I think that he's He's so self-involved that I just worry that that's what's going to distract him. And the other thing is I worry he's going to listen to the last guy he spoke to. Also, the trivial things that he argues about and he gets emotional about.

It's petty shit. It's so petty. Where I don't want my president to get on a Twitter beef with Saturday Live. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger and say, hey, DJT, the ratings machine, calls himself a rating machine. Hey, just say, you know, I was better and you sucked and you're the president. You're the president. You know, there's an inside source that say it is killing him, killing him, the way America's rejecting him as the president. Celebrities, like inside it's killing him.

No, not celebrities. Like the women's march and all that. It is killing him, they say. Inside it's just like so upset about it. Really? Yeah, they say inside the White House, like he's all, he's very aware on how upset America is in general. But he doesn't know that it was partly his point. view and the things that he said that like made people like so emotional i think he thought once

he finally got in there we'd be like all right that's our president but he's never done anything to bridge the gap right it's always like he calls his opposition enemies people that live in the united states yeah you don't use lingo like that like he's our enemy no you're supposed to like unite everybody yeah well i don't know i don't mind so much i think uniting everybody's a complete fallacy. Like Obama did not unite anybody. And Obama was supposed to be the great uniter. Human beings don't behave that. We're tribal. If anything, the country is more divided after eight years of Obama. So I don't worry about somebody uniting. What I worry about is somebody who goes by their guts and doesn't look at the nuance and the detail. You can get yourself in real trouble being, for

example, an isolationist as a country in the United States. When you pull out of certain areas of the world, that's a vacuum where people like Iran, et cetera, come in and fill that gap. And that causes all kinds of problems. So I think you have to have a respect for the geopolitical minds around you. You have to have respect for the history and cultures of the countries that you are involved in because it'll allow you and guide your, it'll guide your decision making. And I just worry that he's so fiercely anti-intellectual, so fiercely anti-I, he doesn't seem to read.

I've read a thing about how he gets his information. Look at that. He's very, very scary. Trump says he wants to fight fire with fire. stop terrorism, suggesting he's open to bring him back torture because he's absolutely sure it works. Sure he is. He's sure of allows this.

But I think, I think that the people around him are mavericks and are probably pretty effective and I'm hoping. He wants to waterboard people again. It's putting more gasoline on the fire. It's cyclical. It's, it doesn't work. You create more resentment and anger. It's like, a lot of military guys would agree with you.

Dude, I read a article today when I I was at the barbershop on my phone. I think GQ posted it, but it was article on that, remember that guy in Nice? He drove the truck. He killed 86 people. Yeah.

Kill 86 people. Kids, whole families. Yeah, people in general. But they were talking about his background, just how he, like he wasn't, he wasn't some ISIS extremists.

It's none of that. He was a guy who was always upset. He was like bullied. He went and saw a psychiatrist, and he was saying how he's ugly and then he didn't know shit about the Quran or anything like that his wife who he divorced and

he was brutal to her he'd beat her he'd pour champagne on her face while she's sleeping he like did all these weird things and then he rented the car and he had like a group of guys that he'd text with and what he was doing is it's so fucking weird he was framing

them like when he got the truck he made them take pictures in front of it they're like why do we take pictures in front of it they're like why do we take a picture in front of this fucking truck then he would engage in these texts back and forth to get them to text him so he had proof that they were in on it too when they really weren't a lot of his crew wasn't in on they're like what no you he'd never do that but and they would say certain things it would look like they knew he was going to do it and so when he had the truck his buddy was in the truck and he was talking crazy his buddy goes drop me the fuck off man and he goes you're afraid to die you're a pussy and the guy's like what are you talking about drops him off and goes and does that that thing before he does it though he's walking down the boardwalk taking selfies he had uh lunch at his uh aunt's house a real sociopath just crazy and then in the in the truck they found in the truck they found um toy guns and grenades like he's just so out there he had like all these toy like he was mentally disturbed in a big way right yeah but they said if you said uh give me a passage

from the Quran he couldn't do it but he blamed it like he gave him a reason a crazy guy and then the ISIS went nope that's our guy in the then the forensics and the intelligence team goes mm-mm that's not your guy yeah he couldn't fucking recite a fucking passage from the crime but you guys say it is but he just jumped on there sure and then they said when they went through uh like

his computer and stuff they found like a bunch of like he was into like torture and like now ISIS the information's so out there now like beheadings all that he was like thrilled with like violence stuff like that but he wasn't an extremist you know shit about Allah you know shit about Muhammad he didn't know shit well it was like he just claims in Columbine when the main kid not who is the Cleveland yeah Cleveland maybe

it was he they were like well why would these kids do it and stuff one kid was super depressed the other kid had a history of being essentially a sadistic sociopath he was sadistic he he would he like killed animals he was just a really bad fucking guy who just got off on hurting people and wanted to cause all kinds of he wanted to get the parents to come and start picking them off as well he wanted to cause he wanted to destroy existence as well people don't know remember it happened in when i was in high school in denver i was when it was happened our school went to lockdown and so they were watching it but what they don't realize is and the mom just wrote a wrote a book about it how you know her son all this

stuff but um their original plan was to kill way more students most of bombs they had bombs all around school they didn't go off right like all these pipe bombs that were supposed to kill all these kids it never went off. So there's supposed to be way more casualties. God. It's a lot of it's parenting. Hear me out okay. Or see, no, but no here's it. Before you go on, also there's a lot of kids and it's funny because I was in

the class of my son the other day, the mom was literally like some kids are going to be bad. Like there's some kids that are born and they have a chemical makeup. Right. They're just bad people. But those people need to be medicated and they need, it needs to be addressed

their mental, you know what I mean? The problem A lot of them. Like Cho Songwi. You know who that is? I sure don't, sir. You don't know Choongui? No. Virginia Tech.

You know, you know, Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So his parents, right? His parents were like, Wait, what did he do? He just,

he only killed 35 people at Virginia Tech University. Locked, lock the door. Hey, don't be proud because he's Korean. I'm not, no, I'm not, no. You're talking? Whoa. He's a fucking Korean guy.

He took out 35 people. No, you just said, his brains, brother. I had, Hahn. No, but that's not what I was doing. That's not what I'm just saying this, is that it is the record of mass shootings, you know, right? He did hold a record, I think. At that time. Yeah.

Look at the Koreans. Oh, God. That was, Koreans didn't want that. No, we were. I was Chinese in that year. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I changed my ethnicity.

What were you saying about it? What I'm saying is, is that when he was a kid, right, he would get straight A's, and Korean parents, that's all they care about, right? Is that, oh, son, he gets three day, he go college, you know? And it's like, but they didn't address that he was talking to invisible people in the playground. They had no friends at all. He had no social life. I blame his parents. You know, because I'm like if I had those problems, I believe that my parents would.

Did they send me to three rehabs as a kid. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. So I think that. Medication isn't always the answer either. I don't blame anybody. What do you do?

I mean, and also if they have tendencies at a young age to be that violent, there should be some sort of record. and a tracking system where we see and... I agree. It's complicated though. It's super complicated. Kids grow out of those things. Kids get help.

But also back to the fucking moron in Nice France, the guy who did that, he was on medication. He had aggravated assault charge. They put him all in this medication. He was like, you know, had horrible anger issues. And the only thing that, like,

he wasn't in any of the systems as far as being a terrorist or even a potential terrorist. His only background was he was arrested for battery and assault. like he was a truck driver delivery man and fuck some guy out. This is the Gun Rights Act, the

NRA's argument is that, okay France has strong gun laws. This guy killed more people. He killed 86 people with a truck way more than anybody I can think of with a gun, including the shooter in Florida. With a truck, he killed way more than anybody is done with a gun, okay? And so

you know, a lot of gun activists are like, all right, they're saying it's bad people, not guns. It's not bad guns. It's mental illness, right. It's mental illness. It's terrible It's terrorists. They're going to find a way to fucking kill you. And, you know, frankly, maybe if I had a gun and I saw a fucker coming, I'm just saying in a world, or these guys open up on a theater, at least I got a fucking gun I can shoot back with.

That's the only way I can think of it. Yeah, but they say that if you had a gun in the theater, right? It's so dark. We're going to kill innocent people. I want it. Unless you're a high, high-level special forces game. Better than being a sitting duck, and I am a high-special forces. That's true.

And I can't talk about it. You know what my dad said after Virginia? he met well but he goes uh he's two or three is okay but 32 no i understand what he's saying i understand what he said yeah yeah yeah but when he said i was like no two or three said okay either way it's not good yeah that's like somebody saying the holocaust was bad but you know and my father said you never follow that with but yeah right don't say yeah six million people were killed that's bad but remember the dc sniper yeah oh yeah that was a black guy black guy Yeah, I remember.

That guy and his son. No, his son. He was just a mentor. They would do it out of vain. You know how he did it? He tore out the back seat and then you can go in it. And then, you know where the license plate is? Their little opening and he did it through there.

Like, he was inventive about it. Samara is scary. And then there's one in Phoenix doing it too. That's a good way to kill somebody. We're just going to talk about everybody. What about Ed Gein? Remember Ed Gein? I don't.

You don't know Ed Gein? Uh-uh. You don't know Ed Gein? You don't know Ed Gein? No. You don't know Ed Gein? I don't know, Ed Gein. Oh, man, I'm about to teach you guys about Ed Gein.

Drop it. Do you ever see Silence of the Lambs? Sure have. Buffalo Bill was based on Ed Gein. And Ed Gein, it was in the 1950s, and he lived in Wisconsin, a lot of crazies from there and Florida. But anyway, a bunch of, a couple of women disappeared, and he made lambshades out of their skin and all that stuff. So that's where Buffalo Bill came from Ed Gein. Ed Gein actually influenced a lot of different kinds of movies back there.

The boogeeman is real. And he's out there. Yeah. And he needs to be killed. He needs to be put down. You're looking at two guys. You guys take it to the next level. Oh, white people?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're the only serial killers. Yeah. No, but you guys would not only kill. I mean, that's enough for agents. Oh, no. We'll raise his face. But no, but you're like, I'm going to eat their nuts too.

Yeah, we're your nuts. Yeah. Yeah. So cannibalism is, is like, serial killers want to want total power over you to the point where they actually want to ingest you. They think eating you gives them that power. It's all about power. It's weird shit. But also the batching.

crazy. Well, serial killers are white, aren't they? Well, more interesting. In America? More interesting. No, that was that black guy from Atlanta, I believe, who dressed up as a cop. I think he killed a bunch of black kids, yeah. Yeah, but no, no, what I'm saying is this. In general, they're white, though, son. 99 times out of 100, they're white. Serial killers? Yeah. And also, you guys are the most creative kind, too. I'm also fascinated, though, with the idea that all of us have, all of us, you welcome, Hollywood, you welcome. The psychology, though, all of us have a piece of a serial, like, we all have some of that in us.

I need to do. Sure don't. I need to be sexual. Nah, sure don't. No, we do. And psychologically, there's just some people that take it much deeper, right? They go beyond. What would be your little hook?

My hook? Yeah, if you had to be a... Oh, Brian would kill women. Yeah, but what would you do? And gay boys. What, you know what, you know what, like to get noticed? I would, uh... I would dress up as a priest.

What? No, that's not going to work, B, because it's too creepy this day and age. We'd see a mile away. Okay, so hold on. What would be my... You would have to be... You'd be like Ted Bundy. You'd be real charming and, ah, laughs, laughs, laughs, back to the place.

Echooch. Well, you'd be the choker. I would choke them. Or you could bite them and you'd leave like, they would get, oh, my God, it's the, it's the Maco teeth again. No, I would hang on. When you bite them, it'd be like rigid. No, I know. Like, your bottom teeth are, like, your signature move.

Now, I get it. They call you the, the teeth killer. No. That's the shittiest, like, the teeth killer. The teeth killer. The teeth killer. everybody has teeth but not like your bottom row that's like your signature thing hey

I don't have me you know what I do you know what I would live on a cruise ship that's how you do it toss them off board and I would yeah and definitely get caught yeah that's so hey nowhere to hide because there's thousands of people on that cruise cameras and they'd see you toss them overboard

we call you the Titanic killer yeah be cool Titanic the idea is so horrible to me I know it is but you don't be cool cruise ship but then you kill everybody on the thing and then you're the and then when you actually get to the port

it's just me it's just you and you're just bleeding and you're like ah that'd be cool great cruise everybody thank you I'm the new skipper skipper skipper skipper skipper skipper you know what I would do I have this fantasy I don't know about I have this fantasy that like if I get revenge

on some guy that fuck me over or something like that that I would be a surgeon and then I would like I would give their penis a vagina I would turn that into and get them tits and that would have them like on a table and then have like a bunch of people like fuck that run a train on them

hey do you want to find that guy that Downson's getting to it Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Hey this is so This is so dark You're dark here You got more chin or is that it There's a couple more if you want to see

Maybe one more just switch it up And then we go to drop the knowledge What's dropping knowledge? Brian dropped some knowledge on you Maybe about serial killers Or you want some else More Trump shit? Nah I'll pass up to you know what

That's gonna make me upset How about this? Did you hear about an Australian actor that got caught, or not caught, killed accidentally from a shooting? Brandon. Brandon Lee did it happen. Yeah, that's why I brought up.

This is the only the second time I heard about it. Yeah, but Brandon Lee, though, it was, what's his name, Simon, Simon Chow that killed him? What? Do you please explain this conspiracy theory? It's not a conspiracy theory. It's well known. What happened?

So he shouldn't the movie killed. How did Bruce Lee die? Like an overdose? Aspirin. Right? To do that. No. There was a, there was a squad.

wobble between the producer Simon Chow and he killed Bruce Lee and then years years later he killed Brandon. Do you think that's complete bullshit? Yes, I do. I don't like the way you said that. Okay? It's not

fucking bullshit. Okay? I think so because I saw a whole documentary on Bruce Lee. Let me ask you something right now. Let me ask you something. They have his friends and he laid down to the thing Redmond, throat polyps. Let me ask you something right now, okay? I'll tell you right now, we're talking Bruce Lee, we're talking famous Koreans,

we're talking creaking serial killers, what the fuck is going on in here? Can I just say something right now? Okay? America. I was in Pineapple Express. I love that. I didn't know that. I had no lines.

Me and Ken Jong were like henchmen. I love that movie. But you see us a couple times in the movie, right? But we had to take two weeks of like machine gun classes and stuff, literally. Like we went to a fucking range and we had to do this, right? and they're just so it's a Hollywood movie they're just so careful so that nobody dies

yeah right well it's 2,000 you shot this with 2013 yeah the crow was just happened just now in Australia the crow was in 1994 I understand and back then even they were careful they were careful after he died no man there was a slug in the book because they wanted to have the

I think they wanted to show that and then they left the slug in there by accident because Cho did it do you remember twilight zone what happened to the twilight You've ever seen the movie Twilight Zone? I've seen the show. There was a movie, Twilight Zone, and, you know, the first week of shooting,

a helicopter crashed into the lead, one of the lead actors and two actors, and they all died. And they continued shooting after that. Anyway. Damn, that's a handsome dude. Oh, I think he's Fijian or something. What happened, though?

Mowry. Music video, someone had a, it was a gun fight scene, and they're all blanks, but for some reason, one gun had, had enough whatever shrap no on it and it just

pierced them fuck where do you hit him I think chest god damn sucks what a stud too look at him

if I had a body like that I'd always be in shorts god that is such a he's like a man version of Bruno Mars yeah the gun was loaded

with blanks not live that sucks he was probably excited too I got a music video calling his friends and stuff

damn man that's such a fucking bummer you would think it wouldn't happen these days right yeah

but and then his girl tweets out lost the love of can you imagine it's poor it's poor uh stunt coordinating what band was it you know it's some band you never heard of i've never heard it's not even a good band sometimes that's like the directors no one would apply sorry yeah yeah they suck so young so young to be killed is that it chin yeah drop knowledge bro drop some knowledge man then we'll get our boy bobby out of here i've been

thinking about the this because you've been talking about the truth and you've been like very truthful and i was i wanted to kind of like uh dial it on sort of this concept of truth because I've been listening to Sam Harris talk to Jordan Peterson and Jordan Peterson is very religious but he's a scientist Sam Harris is an atheist

and they're having this really strong debate about truth that wasn't really going anywhere it was really interesting but there are I just want people to keep this in mind like there are truths that we know about right there's truth you can measure I can measure the distance between you and me I can measure that I know that atoms

have energy in them why I know that? Because of the hydrogen bomb or because of the two nuclear bombs that were dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I know that, Hiroshima and Nagasaki. I know that. There are truths you can measure. And then there are

truths you can speculate too. You can kind of speculate that I definitely have hair on my body, you know? And maybe there are things like that. But then there are truths that you can't measure. And this is where the idea of spirituality and religion coming. Bobby's so relaxed right now. And I've been listening to a lot of debate.

been listening to Richard Dawkins, and I've been listening to Sam Harris, and they have an amazing point of view on science, and all its magnificence. But there are truths that all of us feel, but we can't measure. And what I mean by that is, you ever listen to music and start to cry? Have you ever watched a movie, and the story itself feels so right to you, even though you've never ever seen a story like that play out? But the prototypes are so real, and it makes you feel like it is a higher truth. Like it's a truth you should be aspiring to. Meaning, I'm not as good a person as that hero in that movie, but at least I can try

to be that way. And there's something about that that resonates with all of us, which is why certain movies and Jordan Peterson uses Harry Potter, why those shows, yeah, why those TV shows, why those books resonate across all cultures in such a huge way. It's why J.K. Rowling has more money. then the queen. It's why when J.K. Rowling reads a book, it'll fill a stadium. It's why children who don't read will read a 400-page book called Harry Potter and the sequels. Because the prototypes resonate with something deep within the human soul. Something true. Something about the

idea that we can resurrect. You've been talking about where you were as a drug addict. But there's this idea in humanity that we know we can climb out of the depths of hell and become better, the best portion of ourselves. And so a long way, I want to just keep this in mind. Science is amazing and we need it and I love it. But there's no way I could write. There's no way I could be interested in creating whatever you want to call art, which is beauty, even comedy without inspiration.

And I get my inspiration from the idea that there's something way bigger than just science and just that which we can measure. And I get my, I get my inspiration from the idea that. that there are fucking things that all of us think are true but are probably not true and I think that's kind of the idea so just stay

you may be an atheist nothing wrong with it but stay fucking curious and be awed and in wonder of the fact that you may never be able to measure everything

and that maybe you're wrong about your atheism or maybe you're right or maybe you're fucking good chance you're right science would point to the direction of being right I swear to

science isn't the only truth is one of that I swear to fucking God did yeah you've definitely sucked it before and that's what I was going to end dropping knowledge on that was the button I was looking for it and here's the button

and you saw my truth through that I want to be real though when you were just talking now I really didn't understand a lot of it a lot of it I didn't but listen to me it's very fair right but even the time I did understand

I didn't truly understand but there were glimpses listen there were glimpses of like, I get what he's saying. It's effort, not fully, but I do get it. Yeah.

Bobby, thanks for coming on. Dude, I'm going to say, last thing I want to say, is just that, um, you're way too,

I want to say, I want to say this is that, um, I, when I found out how successful your podcast was, and I literally, there wasn't a shred of jealousy. You've never been that way.

You've always been happy for people. No, yeah, but I literally was, so happy for you guys and I'm just so glad that I was able to do it today me too man even though you canceled

on me last week hey you were really funny and good today and also secondly we're not gonna air this but you were so good that's fine but if you do air it we did this just for church I would love some people if you like to my point of view

to listen to Tiger Belly it's me and my girlfriend and friends and I'd love to have you guys on too it's fun show on to RAPE get ready for your ratings to fucking you do you. Yeah, yeah. But I'm really just, this is an all-around positive and beautiful experience. And then you're in Dallas, right? Yeah, this weekend. This weekend. The Addison Improv. He's truly one of the, this is from a comic. He's one of the great comics, and you'll laugh your fucking ass off.

So go to Addison, the Addison Improv. This is from a guy who's been doing comedy for 13 hours now. He's hilarious. Go fucking see Bobby Lee. You know, I'm stoked that you're doing it, too, man. Do you get nervous? This weekend, I killed it. He killed it. It killed it. Eight hundred people. For how many? 800 people. Oh, my God. Killed it.

That's amazing. His last show, last show was the best ever, I've seen you do. Thanks, unbelievable. How does it feel afterwards? There's not a feeling?

Nothing better. Yeah. It is not a better feeling. Nothing better. We were tired at our last show and he goes, I'm tired. I go, this is going to be our best show.

When you're tired sometimes and you're just like, whatever, you're just loosey-goose. We were up there playing and fucking around. We had them laughing straight for an hour. Bobby, where can they get your tickets? On Instagram or just,

you don't know, huh? I don't fucking know. Addison theater. Addison Improv. It's improv.com slash Addison, I think. Or it's Addison.com. Or just look up Addison Improv. And you can see me online.

If you're in, if you're in Addison, don't, if you're in Addison, don't go to Bobby, drive to Austin and see me. Uh-huh. You really are Austin this weekend? No, February 1, 2, 3. Oh, that's not the same days. You can do both. You can go see Bobby and Dallas. Go see Brian.

You do it. Fucking throat poll up. You have another anger. Throw poem. So go see Bobby Lee this coming weekend in Addison Improv. Brian Callon is at in Austin, Texas, February 1st through the 4th, right? And then the Fire and Kid is live at Cobb's Comedy Club in San Francisco on February 9th and 10th. And then the Big Brown live is in Pasadena.

March 2nd. This is the Fire and the Kid with Bobby Lee. We're out. Why don't you trim that? You got a bush. trim your bush and you're circumcised good job