The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 240 Theo Von

Episode Date: October 19, 2025

Theo Von joins Brendan and Bryan today to talk indoor vs outdoor voices, interventions, huffing, dating in LA, triggers, welding a caboose, road stories and much more, enjoy the show.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Okay, let's talk about the original enemies to lovers story. Before all of our reality TV couples, before the rom-coms, we binge, there was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy in pride and prejudice. And Audible has just dropped a brand new original that will have you completely hooked, I am. It's not just any audiobook. This is a full cast performance. So Marisa Abella, you might know her from industry, brings Elizabeth Bennett to life.

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So whether it's your first time experiencing Pride and Prejudice, or you've read it a million times, you're going to fall absolutely in love all over again. So go listen to Pride and Prejudice now at audible.ca slash Jane Austen. Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. For sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised.

I think you'd be surprised. Abbott-Kennie Fight Club Fight Club Kids got a piece on them A piece on them Couple 1-2 cutie pies I still got it, baby Lift your shield

And now from the Onet Studios In Playa Vista California It is the moment you've been waiting for The fighter and the kid is coming at you Live No, no, we're not live That doesn't matter, sounds better when you see Live!

But we're not live. We don't do it live, man. And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. It's not live. It's not live. What are you sick of, Theo Vaughan? I'm sick of celebrities.

Tell them people political stuff. Talking about basically the fucking Academy Awards. Yeah, man. Those people are rich, dude. It's easy to be nice in a theater when you're rich, dude. Go to a poor theater, dude. People are humming. Usually a sister hitting you in the back of the head with something for nothing, for you didn't do anything wrong.

Tell us what grind your gears. Usually a sister hitting you in the back of the head. But yeah, I mean, it could be an urban girl or your actual, you know, blood sister. Hey, have you been in an urban theater? I mean, it's just like, they just talk. This black couple was behind us. They're just straight up top. Oh, yeah.

Like it's like there's no movie. There's no etiquette. And I'm not saying black people. I'm saying urban theater, which is a mix. I go this one off the 90. you better hope it's a 3D movie with all after you're looking for a plot you're fucked it's interactive they're eating they're eating fucking carrots it's that's fucking popcorn and damn dog you see that shit it's like bro yeah dude where's your movie theater etiquette

a lot of black people and i will say this because this is really factual and i'll spend a lot of time around you know in the dark arts and i don't mean that's not black people in General S. The dark art. That's black magic. That's everything. Black magic. That's New Orleans, son.

That's Louisiana. Yep. And I grew up in a mixed neighborhood, dude, and black people don't really know, they don't differentiate between indoors and outdoors. What do you mean? Outdoors can be indoors, dude. What do you mean? Outdoors can be indoors.

Black person, you can put them outdoors, and you put them indoors, same volume levels, same speed. There's no inside voice. There's no, there's zero inside. There's no etiquette when he go indoors. Well, they just don't, I don't think you believe in a lot of structures and, I don't know if I don't want to say woodwork, but I want to say overall that they, the difference between indoors and outdoors when it comes to most black people.

It's so incredibly, it's so incredibly vaguely racist. It's so funny, though. It's so funny. They say that there's no filter. No, what they say when you're poor. It's true. But a lot of people who are poor, it's a social economic thing. So a lot of people that are poor, a lot of times, I guess, have to rely on each other.

Like, they notice shit that, that, say, rich, rich, people wouldn't notice because they have to because you're kind of relying on your neighbor on usually sharing a bathroom there's a lot of stuff people are on you the teamwork and it creates people yeah and you got and it creates sort of a this this feeling of competition where that doesn't mean you can't lower your voice when you're in the mall in the theater right and that's just what I'm saying that's his point right I want to be heard yes yeah a lot of my black friends even do not yeah they don't have indoor voices is what I'm trying to say I think I use too many words Dude, I was in a date with this smoke show.

I'll never forget how hot she was. I'd gone to theater school with her in New York City. See her at Erwan. I take her out. She's a 10. She's also fucking crazy. And I didn't realize it. We went to see powder.

Remember that movie? It's a 12 in my book. We saw that movie, that terrible movie, Powder. It was a good movie, actually. Yeah, it's about lightning brings that man back. Yep. And so she turns around. There's a black couple behind us, clearly of a lower socioeconomic status.

and she goes she's a super white girl and she goes hi how are you and a black girl goes why are you looking at me like that man why you got why you gotta get in my face and say i don't know you and his girl goes damn girl she's just being friendly she goes i don't know this bitch talking to me like that oh my god she goes i'm just saying hi and i go you need to turn the fuck around because you're embarrassing me and i didn't blame that woman i was like the fuck you're saying hi there was powder racist powder was it racist because wouldn't it if i remember it was a white guy covered in like he basically went chalk face

kind of like there's black face and then there's chalk face no no he was just the actor himself is actually a big jihitsu guy now he's super lightning would bring him out yeah he's super super white he's super white man out he's very white guy a white guy is a league character in a movie these days you almost need lightning to get him into the yeah there have to be some sort of pitch

there you just get to be a fun loving white guy yeah you're out there you'd be a serial killer one arm shark attack but in that in powder Why was he powder? So, so a powder, he was actually a white guy, but he had... Chlorophyll issues, wasn't it? He had, no, he had the ability to, like, I think he was a psychic or move thing, change things.

Oh, it's for a superhero movie. Yeah, it was like a Marvel. Yeah, he was like a magic guy. Yeah, it was Marvel, but he didn't really have any, his powers were way... At the end of the fucking movie, she was crying so hard, and I was looking at her, she wouldn't move. Did he die? She was like this? Yeah, I think so.

I can't fucking remember. That's a old-school movie. That's a whole-school movie. It's a spoiler alert, powder from a 20-year-old movie. Spoiler alert You said you're so lonely over there? Yeah, did I'm lonely I mean I missed

I was supposed to have some responsibility this morning I was honestly man I stayed up doing some light masturbation last night And I feel nervous saying that Because there's a lady in here And him But you don't really know

And him Yeah but he almost seems like I'm amazed you're working To keep that dog You seem like you would be like Gangster Yes Gangster

Oh you're saying like Korean like mafia He's got connections. Akusa? Akusa. Yakuza is actually Japanese. Japanese, I know. But you get the reference for God's sense.

No, no, you're right, though, because they say a lot of the Japanese mafia are ethnically Korean. How about that? Are they really? If Chin had tattoos from his neck down to his fucking ankles, Yakuza all day. Those dudes are no joke. Yeah, dude. I could see you running a slave ship. You'd be the only Asian dude on a slave shit.

He's so big. You bought some bitches around. Wait. And not black slaves, either white slaves, white, pigmies, everybody. White slavery. Hashtag no racist. But you're so lonely, why, man? Yeah, it's been lonesome, man.

Well, I'm trying to stelf a masturbation, you know. What do you think about when you masturbate? I think about, honestly, now at this point, I feel, I think a little bit about some kind of sexual ideas, you know. But then I think about how bad I'm going to feel after I'm done masturbating. Really? Why do you feel bad? I'm basically masturbating to light shame. To light shame.

Are you a, are you a porno guy? You watch like Red Tube or whatever the fuck these days? I've been out there, man. I've been in the, it's nasty out there. It is nasty. It's nasty, dude. I was just talking about this on my podcast. It's nasty.

Some of these videos and people doing all these butt activities and everything. Bud activities? You know what the thing is? They are. Like, you just got to, it's constantly escalating. Like, everyone's trying to one up each other in the porn industry. I don't want to be in and any way. They are.

I don't need seven guys. No. What happened to just one-on-one? Why does there have to be a gang bang every time? Yeah. And it's so rough. It's like whack-a-mole, too. If you see some of those gangbags, that shit gets to, it's like urban whack-a-mole on some of them. And Andrew Santino has the best joke. He talks about how a lot of black gentlemen always have their sneakers on during pornography. They do you in songs?

That's aggressive. I never thought of that shit. Why did they really rail at home? Grip and probably out-lates foot is rampant. And also. I don't know who the fuck made on this carpet. It goes back to indoor-outdoor, like those are kind of outdoor. shoes. And they have them on indoors. Full circle with Theo Vaughn. I hope you call your podcast full circle. I've never gone full circle in my life. What's the podcast name? This past

weekend. It's just helping just basic life suggestions for struggling males and others. Oh, that's interesting. Is it just you? Yeah, just me right now. I've got to get a friend to come over on Sunday. That's the problem. How's he going? Hard to do. Sundays are tough. My buddy Tony Jeffries has a podcast, the boxing life where the fucking is going. and he goes hey man can you do my podcast so when he goes sunday went no no it's my only free day in this sunday we have i have a fight companion and we got stand up at the comedy store sunday i can't pick any other day except for saturday sunday i'm probably there unless it's friday night you disappear on sundays i don't hear from you no it's my one day to chill the fuck out i'm with my kid

all day oh you are yeah oh that's beautiful man heck yeah sundays make it makes i told tony do you hate viewers and listeners and just guest and keep doing on sunday because you ask someone on their one day off to drive to you to do it. It's just a bad idea. Yeah, I was thinking, oh, no, I wasn't actually. What's your advice to young men? What's your advice? So if you could go back 10 years and give yourself advice, what would you say?

Just lay off the masturbation. Not that I was crazy into it. You're addicted to it? No, I wasn't addicted to it, but it became a pattern, you know, it became a habit. No, I would say have more of a routine, right? It's kind of like yank, coffee, hit the wrong. road. Yank, coffee, hit the road. Hit the road. Hit the road. I mean, get to work. Oh, okay. Yank coffee. Or yank coffee, hit the road with your new balances doing a couple miles.

See, in the morning, I don't really yank it in the morning because I feel like it fucks with my energy. A hundred percent. No way, man. No. That's a myth. Yeah. Like people say, oh, it's not a myth. It is. What about fighting? People say, oh, you can't, you shouldn't masturbate before fights. That's, that's a myth, too. That's an old boxing tail because your testosterone lowers. if you're not ejaculating. Do you know that? I didn't know that. If your body's storing it goes, hey, fellas, tells the nuts,

let's shut this operation down because he's not using it. But if you're constantly just sprouting, that thing goes, let's go, overtime. And so your testosterone is actually higher. You're welcome. You know, sports science did a thing on that. Go ahead and jack it, fellas. Yeah, sports science did a thing about that. They said that you, it's a myth that when you refrain from,

maybe it makes you more aggressive, though, right? It doesn't make you more aggressive. That's not true. Like, it's just your testosterone lower. because just like anything, your body goes, we're all good, man. We don't need to keep making this stuff. And it just levels it.

But if you're horny, maybe you're sharper and you're just more, you're hungrier. Well, dude, I'll notice sometime, my neighbor has a cat, right? They got some kind of a white cat. I hate cats. Yeah, I've never been a huge man.

They got some kind of white guy. I feel like cats belong to white, white people and the Illuminati. Well, and single freaking women who just, you know, the cat lady. What were you saying about the cat? Well, I will. notice, dude, honestly, and I don't do

morning masturbation, thank God, because I think that is honestly for forbidden criminals, dude. I can't imagine waking up and just spraying out the beginning of the day. I would be heartbroken all day. I try it. But I'll notice if I have done that in the past

that if I see my neighbor's cat, because my neighbor's cat will wait out there for me to come out of my door. And I don't know if they, I don't know what their behaviors are like in their head, but he will wait out there for me to come out of my door and just kind of see what my vibe is. notice I will feel more fear if I've masturbated before I've left the house when I see that animal. Then if I come out, I'm fired up and my nuts are full and I'm coming out, you know, carrying.

It's an incredible thing I've ever heard of my eyes. You like to come out with a loaded gun. So the cat determines your day. The cat, how you react to the cat, like, depending on how full your balls are, you're going to react to that cat in a different way. Well, I've only rarely have I ever masturbated in the morning, you know? My habit happens at night and it's just late at night and I just can't. I don't know what's wrong with me. But if I do it in the morning and I go outside, I notice that I feel inferior to that animal, whereas if I don't do it, I barely even notice them. Grab a coffee and discover nonstop action with Bud MGM Casino. Check out our hottest exclusive.

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That's true, dude. Hey, have you ever taken the NyQuil challenge or the Sleep and Pill challenge where you take your sleep and try jacking off before you fall asleep? I never done that. Dude. Sir, I've never done that. Are you missing out? You don't yank it in the morning. Never done the NyQuil challenge?

No. When you're sick? No. God, you guys got to start living. I heard these. You're fucking with this cat every morning. I'm not doing anything. He's out there.

I heard these Navy SEALs were freeing. He doesn't dictate it. But he definitely gives me some kind of energy. But I heard these Navy, I heard these Navy SEALs were on a, they were freezing and the water was crashing on the rocks. And they had to do the water exercises and they haven't sleeping. They're fucking exhausted. And they're freezing.

They're all going to hypothermia. And the drills and so after it goes, All right, the first guy that can get their dig hard and drop a load. If one of you guys can do that, you fucking get to come in. All of you get to come in. So apparently, it's the thing about mind control. It's kind of sick, but it's kind of like interesting. So you got these guys freezing and like, everybody's like, come on, man.

Talk about it. And the water's, could anyone do it? Apparently a guy fucking got off. And they were like, oh, all right. Was one guy like, here we go? What do we get it? Oh, and everyone's like, yeah. Yeah, if you're cold enough, you're going to.

get inside. I'll dive on it. I'll dive on it. I did. Damn, dude. Isn't that fucked up? Talk about it. Awesome. That sounds like the best episode of Ice Road Truck. Yeah. I could ever imagine, dude. Holy shit. But who's jerking off through sleep medicine, dude? That's insane. This guy right here. Brandon Shaghan. I like the party. I like the party. He likes to challenge

himself. I like the party night quill. They don't make it like they used to either. It used to be some addictive shit in there. Yeah. And now it's just called Z quill. Some bullshit. It's purple. They don't make the green shit, talking about that scissor, you know what I'm talking about that scissor, that green scissors. That shit makes one eye jacking off at night. It was a fun night. Now they got the Z stuff. Oh, yeah. The Z pack, get the fuck out of my train.

Apparently, Lil Ken's for kids. Little Wayne was addicted to. To Cisor. There's a lot of people. There's a whole kind of show dedicated on Viceland where they went into Houston, Texas, where it started, the Cizzer movement. And I want something. To wear it to the CVS? Well, now it's hard to.

get now like to get the stuff that they mix it with you're talking i mean 12 000 for a leader not even a leader and then there's a guy i forget his name big mike he specialized they call them the mixologist because he gets this special kind of soda that you get in the hood and it's like this orange tropical fruit they mixes that i want to try it so bad wow i just one night yeah like the three of us go out we're going to be in austin tex i'm sure we can get some i just want to try it i don't want to die i just want to try it well there you go guys if you're coming to the show in Austin, Texas, bring these gentlemen to some scissurp. I wonder how that goes.

Have you tried it? I've not tried it, man. I'm surprised. Cizurp? Cizurb. It's like spright mixed with codeine cough syrup. Whoa. It's like a purple color. Well, I'm pissed at all these crackheads

and other people who are out there abusing drugs, you know, are taking away any medicine. We're not going to have any medicines left to use. You know? Painkillers? Yeah. We're just going to be, at that point,

me jerking off for rest and just peaceful, peaceful shame will be... Well, they say that when you're a heroin addict at times you'll get to a point where you just do heroin to feel normal. It'll bring you back to being... I don't know if this is true. I watch so much intervention.

I swear to God I could have one with someone. If you know an addict, let me know. Bring him in here. We'll do it on the show. Because I know my shit. Often does it work when they do that? Because it's an amazing show all the time. But think how many...

They just show you the ones that work. See, I wish they would show an intervention where it's like Bill went to wherever Malibu's Pacific caretaking. And then it goes, 16 days later he relapse and died Like I'd like to see that

But it always just shows like he's better He's been sober since May 6th 2014 Like it always shows that those come out But on that show One of the interventionists were saying that And you know they're all former addicts They're saying that like this girl is shooting Heroin all the time

When they withdraw and they get better Their feelings were so suppressed from the drugs They feel no emotion Like one guy was he's the worst ever seen last night he's doing huffing you know the huffing have you tried that I feel like that's some New Orleans shit

you're gonna kill me you're angry that I didn't trust scissor or Nike will and jack off him trying huffing is the apparently I'm the psycho here I thought we hey I thought we're circle of trust I thought we all like to party we do we like to party fuck man

I thought well just have a beer chill out dude or make a new friend you know what happened a beer and maybe a little weed. Why do we have to get... Why not use a fucking huffer, take some micro and jack each other off? Spray paint.

Huff spray paint. It's good stuff. He huffs the computer like spray. Like it's the dust away. Duster? Oh, yeah, it's the worst case I've ever seen in my life. I was like, this guy is so fucked. He was like hitting his mom and stuff, grown man.

Somehow he got keys to a car wrecked into a garage, kind of hilarious. But I thought that guy was fucked. But the Interventius was saying he was on camera. He goes, how do you feel? It's after 60 days. He looks completely different. Still kind of a bit of a psycho. But he looked completely different.

How do you feel? He goes, I feel amazing. And then they talked to the ventures off, you know, off that. And he goes, you can tell he's lying. He doesn't know how to feel happiness or anything. Because usually recovering acts, their feelings are so suppressed. Yeah. They don't know how to express it.

They don't know what happiness is that they're just like in a void. It's just like a smooth trying to. So I've heard that when people go through long addiction periods, like through their teens, and then they finally get sober when they're like, say, 30 that they regress that they emotionally a lot of times they will be at the level of the 17 year old when they started oh they go back to when they started getting that yes because they never really because of that what you're saying is that because they were so inebriated in one way or another I guess they never learned how to because if you think about a lot of life it's like learning how to

master a lot of your emotions right I mean you know what I mean like you learn how to like calm down you learn how to self-regulate your body yeah And like grown older. Yeah, like learning how to control your emotions, your outbursts, your impulses. Kids have to learn that. Teenagers have to learn that. As you get older, we get better and better at it, right? Learn how to keep your ego and check.

If you don't practice that and you're always high and you're always copacetic, when you finally have to. You don't have to. Yeah, you got to have to master it. You go back to it. On my way to the gym this morning, on the way to the gym this morning, I drive by Santa Monica High School, I literally felt like stopping because there's probably 25 kids. At least, they're all out there outside the baseball field there. none of them are talking each other every single one's on their phone

I feel like something's like dude you guys are missing out it's 80 degrees out there there's a baseball field over there you guys are fucking up what do you look at it Instagram rap videos what are we doing I'll do you one worse so I used to pride myself on being able to tell stories it's changed dude well not like that but you're competing like I used tell my kid stories I'd come up

with the intricate stories right and just these adventures and I'd always put them in it and it was like I'd weave lessons into it and stuff guess what man you're asking me to compete with the jungle book and things like that. Well, you're asking the same stories every night. Well, that might be true, sir.

That might be true. Yeah, dude. No, I had a, it's like a fucking comedy host. You got a fucking, can't come doing the same set every night. I had an ongoing thing. Throw some scissor, dude. Mix it up, bro. Give it some NyQuil and a jack.

You're not competing with Minecraft. You're not competing with fucking the, that huge TV. You can't compete. You were talking about huge TVs. They were watching Avatar the other day. And they were into it. I was like, how do I compete with Avatar? And their children?

Yeah, eight-year-old. My eight-year-old was like, like, whoa, in our own world. You want kids still? Yeah. I want children, dude. I'm 36. I'm an adult male.

I am. You are 36 adult male. You got time, brother. You got time, but let's not, you know, that's kind of... I get nervous, though, dude. That's at least heading that direction, though, huh? I'm going to get my life in check, or I'm not going to be able to deal with it. What do you mean by life in check?

Like, you were talking about emotional stuff? I just never really had a lot of instruction in that area, so I still have to learn some of those things now. Like what? Just give an example. Take him, like, when I know I need to do. do something going and doing it instead of choosing not to do it procrastinating self-sabotage yeah it could be procrastination self-sabot but you're doing well like with comedy like i you know i i told you this the other night and i'll say this whether you're here or not like i to me you're the top five funny

guy right now thanks man i you're so fucking funny to me i agree thanks man like you're one of the few guys not that i don't watch a lot of people but if i'm doing a set and you're on there i will stay after to watch yourself yeah you're one the few guys thanks dude i appreciate that but and then you had your netflix special which i thought was fucking brilliant yeah work It works fine, you know, and some good ways. And I appreciate you saying that, man. I think it's brave you to get out there and do it, dude. I mean, if I could fight, I never would even gotten into this shit industry, you know?

Well, if you think this is shit industry, try fighting. Yeah, that's a good point. If you think this is rough, try getting punched in the face. You can have your paycheck. Dude, at least you control your destiny. That's true, dude. God, that's scary. Being in a wheelchair for three days because your legs got kicked by Gabriel Gonzaga.

Oh, if somebody hit me, dude, I would probably call the cops, dude. You should. That's exactly what you should do When I saw Gustafin And John Jones But when I saw Gustafin After my fight When I saw him, yes

And I was backstage And I saw what you got And I looked at him I looked at him And he was looking at me and he was looking at me He was so beat up And this was right after the fight Not John Jones

Not John Because you told me about John John came in a wheelchair I don't mean to cut you off Beh John came in a wheelchair Through my locker room And I had tears in my eyes talking to him because I didn't get

touched. I won my fight against Mitrione, tough opponent, choked him out. I was fine. I didn't get touched, but there's such a relief because I didn't get touched. I don't give a fuck about the money, man. I wish I got $50 million. I'm just so glad I had my health. I was so happy that I didn't have to

deal with a concussion or a busted lip or broken bones. I was ecstatic. That's why I'm celebrating in the back. But I see John Jones, who just won this war. that light heavyweight and you know he's the world champion came back his lips were so big and bloody

and busted his eyes were closed shut and he was on a stroller and he won and he's shaking and he's thrown up from the pain before that and I just I got choked up I just went man you great job champ I didn't know what to say there's not much you can say

I was just oh my god Gus Justin he did not die Gus was limping he was limping so hard and his face was black and blue and one side of his face was so black and blue and I looked at him and he looked at me and I sounds weird but I felt shamed

I was ashamed to look at him I didn't I felt like I was I felt like I was staring at him and I was looking at him with horror on my face because of what he'd been through and I looked away because I didn't want to embarrass him You didn't want him to see the look that you couldn't help and naturally have

Yes I was ashamed at what he had to do and what a warrior he was You know who I did that with John after that I remember thinking, I don't know what he got paid. He probably got paid pretty well. Not enough to go what he went through. There's not an amount of money. Maybe $50 million, unless it was more than $50 million, they did not pay enough.

I'm just thinking, God, that's how this thing works. Is that crazy? Are you happy now that you are not fighting anymore? My life could not be better, man. Yesterday I was driving and I was just like, God damn, man. Because I was watching the Rogan episode, not to interrupt you, but I watched the Rogan episode where you guys were in there together. When you told me to stop?

Yeah, when he talked about it. it anyway and i didn't watch all of it i probably watched about 40 minutes of it but i just thought it was interesting yeah it gave me a little more insight into like your career and stuff uh and yeah it was just curious about that no he uh yeah uh yeah life yeah life could not be any better man i had some crazy shit in the works and i'm living a dream man it's all icing on top right now that's awesome that's cool yeah well i mean yeah coming out of that like scary you must have thought i wonder you must have thought in the beginning when you were fighting that your only option was winning that belt

or what was your game be? Is it a real belt? Do you get the belt? You get the belt. Oh, that's good. Yeah, that thing's sick. Oh, I don't have a replica. I didn't get close to it, yeah. Yeah.

But, Dan, you fought, dude. Like, if somebody... Top ten. Dude, I could not. I just don't think I could fight, man. I remember one kid attacked me once in school. It didn't go really well. I got attacked by a bunch of dogs.

Dogs, that's a different animal. Yeah, but still a different animal. Yeah, but they're out there. Like, how do you fuck with a dog? Two of them came back and attacked me on my birthday again a year later. On your birthday? Swear to God, dude. When they came back, like, it's this fool's birthday.

You take any bites? Yeah, it took a couple bites. Went to the hospital. It's my birthday. I remember I was 11 years old, and then at 12 years old, two of them came back and got me again. Like, they knew. That's what I'm saying, man. Animals are insightful, dude.

I don't, I feel like... You don't have any animals? I don't have any animals. I'd like to get one one day, but I got to get somebody to be around the house and a teammate, you know? One dog, you can be probably... I mean a girl. One doctor's right here. I don't know how to say it.

It's international women. He did everything, but, you know, I need a teammate someone to kind of help out. You mean a fucking girlfriend, so. Yeah, probably that. And there's nothing going on there? You got no, no leads or nothing. This is a cold case? I'll tell you.

So this is, I mean, I see, my problem is I don't want to grow up sometimes and be an adult, you know, about relationships. So, you know, I'll be out there either trying to skis around a little bit and feeling ashamed to myself for doing that. Or I'll be trying to, you know, actively pursue a woman, but I won't want to have some commitment issues. So in the end, it comes down, I've got to work on some of my issues before I can get back, really get in the game. Or maybe you just haven't met the right one. Because a right one to make you shut down. Yeah, and that's what I'll look for. God, if you know the right one, dude, you know what I'm saying?

Drop her off over there on green. It's not easy to find the right one in Los Angeles. It is very hard. They don't make the right ones out here very often. Especially in your, in this business. Comedy business. A lot of damaged goods, man. This is like that back alley at a Costco, you know?

It really is. A lot of, if you're a beautiful woman and you don't want to have any really responsibilities and you don't want to work hard and you want to meet an older man with money, I don't shame you for it. Oh, sorry. Oh, Brian Callant. Come to Los Angeles. Brian, I pay your bills.

I pay bills. I pay bills. Keep it down. No, it's true, though, but it's tough to compete with that. It's tough, yeah. Oh, dude, it's tough when, like, you know, you're texting some girl who's Stephen Tyler's texting as well, you know, and he got a jet.

I don't have a jet, dude. He got to jet. I'm going to sit there and decide for 40 minutes if I'm going to send the nicer Uber to get you, you know what I'm going to? Set lift. Set lift or Uber XL. The problem is that in Los Angeles, the women are so beautiful.

Like, you'll, like, when you go to Laura Hardware are one of those places and your waitress and then you're the host they're tens yeah and they're all but guess what they're all actresses they're all there for a reason it's not nothing no knock on them but in a way my experience dating was always that their first love and their first mission was this this thing you know and i i get it i'm that way too but it's a little bit difficult sometimes to have a uh a relationship from my experience with somebody who has the same ambitions you do it's a hard fit man yeah it's two simis fish yeah and and and and and and i and and Acting takes you different places.

Like, one person's in Vancouver, you're over here. Best case scenario, you're both working. You're not going to see each other. Yeah, that's best case scenario. That's best case scenario. That's what you both want. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a tough to find a relationship.

I try to get dating another comic, Theo, who's on the road all the time. And you guys, what, be back here when, and then you got sets at night? What are you going to do? Yeah. Yeah, I've thought about it. I mean, I've dated a little bit here and there within the industry, but, yeah, well, I'll tell you this. I mean, so yesterday I go to these adult meetings sometimes for adults. What do you mean?

Just like adult meetings where people get together, spend time together. Like AA? I don't know if it's AA, really, but it's probably in that vein. He's always very, like, with dating, these adult meetings. He's like an international. You talking about, you were talking about AA? You got an alcohol problem? We're talking about it here.

I mean, I don't drink. So, I'll say that. So vague. All right. But go on. But anyway, so I met this girl, right? I met this sweet gal that I've seen her from. a couple weeks really been long and four probably in my brain right so i get her name i get her i get her

i get her number yesterday right well then some straight up skis some girl just throwing that butt around on snapchat right send me to says i don't have your number right so i give her my number on snapchat i'm in my i'm at home in the evening i'm lonesome i give this girl my number you don't have any food in there i have a little bit of uh london broil meat okay and i uh yeah and just meat and we're eating just me your brain gets real limbic you know you drop in a primal time you know real limbic just that london broil too that ain't the fancy stuff yeah it's not real it's a tougher end it's a scrapple it's a scrapple it's the hip it's the hip of me but what happened was so then the snapchat girl text i when i got the girl's number that i really think like might have been

the one oh yeah i i got her number and i just put my name in and i texted her my name right in front right that way boom there's nothing creepy about that nothing creepy natural normal i was a gentleman in the conversation everything was good i'll see you later young shah you know and then though later so the snapchat girl text me i thought she texted me it wasn't it was the girl that i liked a few hours later wrote i'm gonna put you inside here i'll read god damn it this is this is the thirsty Snapchat girl. No, this ain't. This is the girl he likes.

No, but the thirsty Snapchat girl texted me thought it was the one that he likes. Right? Well, this is the girl who I liked texting me back. I thought the thirsty Snapchat girl was texting me.

Fuck, this is already bad. She wrote, cool, you are going in my Rolodex, right? That's what she wrote. So I thought it's a Snapchat girl she'd ask you for my number. I said, I want to go in more than that. Creeping.

Damn it! Turn it! And I'll tell you what it is. I'm alone by myself at night and I'm just rock hard god damn that's a that's a no not rock hard soft and and and just agitated lonely so wait so now that that that worst thing he could and I had London brought I did have a yogurt too but I was saving that for later that was going to be like my nighttime adventure doesn't be your nighttime cat my nighttime adventure he said so what happened would she respond she wrote do tell go on oh so now I think it's definitely now I have no

it's on now in my head Yeah, no, I have no doubt it's a Snapchat girl. I still think it's a Snapchat girl. Yeah. I have not brought to the realization that this is the girl that I... Although she's into it. She's game. Maybe.

That's a game response. Maybe. Do tell, go on. You say, go, I want to be in more than that. Maybe she's thinking, oh, you want to take me a nice dinner. Maybe a steak in it. Maybe a kiss, not a dick suck. Yeah.

Maybe I want to peel that rump apart. Nope, no, no, no. Too much. Too much. Yeah, maybe I want to... So anyway, as I'm picking a little bit of London brawl out of my mouth, dude, and feeling probably with media. your mouth, you feel more carnivorous and also more, you know, I got this.

Yeah, tribal. Yeah, tribal, dude. How to patch them meet in your mouth. Primal. Primal. Primal. Primal. Primal. There you go. Primal. She goes, do tell, go on. I said, inside of your body, right? Because I want to go in more than that. I feel like you're better than that. You could have been a little more descriptive.

Well, this isn't me doing this. This is the dark arts that are inside of me coming out. And that doesn't mean a black man at a theater. that means the other side of it where your emotions Yeah Just me feeling lonesome You and Arsema might be dating pretty soon Because I'm liking this whole connection

Arsema, that's you? She's Ethiopian princess Ethiopian, yeah Arisa Baba I stopped at Adisababa one time Yeah That's some nice people there Had some good flat bread

Let me finish this up real quick So then I said I want to go in more than that So she goes do tell go on I said inside of your body Then wherever you want me That's what I creep in with at this line, right? She goes, wow, that's how you roll, huh?

Wasting no time. So at this point, I'm like, why would the Snapchat girl say that, you know? She's just showing me, like, pictures of her bud and, like, pictures of, like, her dirty bedroom, you know? And then I'm like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I just realized who this was. I don't even know what to say. And that's when we had a conversation about it. Well, that's cool.

Did you explain the situation? I try, but here's the explanation You kind of fucked yourself. Here's the thing. I mixed this up. I thought you were this raging whore who was going to come over through this London broil

and I was going to fuck you. But it turns out you actually really nice and I probably This is the real me. Yeah, I like you. But here I'm going to put on an act and I would have taken you out to dinner and kind of bought you drinks

and who knows what it could have led to. I don't know what I was doing. So is that over? No, she was actually super cool. Like we texted for a while. I explained my. myself some so why are you beating yourself up so she still likes you right she still likes me but the root of the issue is still i'm i am a two-sided individual where i'm well i think most people are

but i want to meet yourself up because that snapchat girl that who's twerking showing that ass and with the dirty room like that's dirty shirt on that's easy pictures you know that's easy of course you're like i that's cool it takes something nasty yeah that's not you you know that's not a real relationship. You're trying to get them rocks off and eat some London broil. That's right. Meanwhile, you got this lady who,

classy lady, I like the fact she was like, Jesus Christ, man. At least you ain't get too graphic where you really grossed her out. Well, the crazy part was, at one point... Just dick pick. Goon. Game over. Yeah.

Well, I don't send my own dick picks. I got a buddy. I use his dick pick, dude. Jason Tebow, you know him? Jason Tebow? Comedy store, comedian. He's got a piece on him. He's with a friend of Tripoli. He's a, yeah, he's got a, we've got a decent

piece. Good size dick. Good size dick. Where they think it's yours? Nice, nice background. Yeah, okay.

I take that. Nice cream color background. But I use his. I use his dick. That's not a bad idea. That's a brilliant idea. Yeah. It's not bad.

Your dick's not out there. You don't feel as much shame. And then you got a decent piece out there in the atmosphere. You got to live up to it, though. That's the problem. You got to make sure it's similar to yours. I can't send some fucking panther tail and they show up with a, you know, a Lego piece. You know what I'm saying?

He's having an off day. Sorry. A Lego piece. Yeah. That's weird. Sorry, man. So anyway, I guess you're right, dude. Maybe I'll beat myself up to you. Oh, you're completely beat yourself up.

Yeah. You know, there's a dark side to all of us where sometimes, I'll be honest with you. Like, there's the girl you date, the girl you marry, and there's the girl. When you bring home to mom. That's right. And then there's the girl that sometimes just gets you going. For example, if I see a girl in a shitty sports car with something hanging from a rearview mirror, like dice or some shit.

Dream catcher. Maybe a small dream catcher. Yeah. fake nails with bad makeup eyeliner, big mouth. I'm intrigued. That's a kind of girl that, to me... A couple of butterscotches on the dashboard.

Ooh, I like that. Hell yeah, a couple of butterscots on the dashboard. Now, that sends me. That taps into my dark side. Well, you know why? Because you wouldn't mind running a train on that girl with your buddy. But if she...

Wow. You took that... Dude, why are you trying to get in on his... Yeah, man. Why are you trying to get it off? I'm thinking she's driving a red Ferraro. We call him a Ferraros. You remember those bullshit cards?

A Ferrari. Maybe she's in an old-school. mazorati maybe a doughton i don't know that's her thing i like what you're saying dotton but you would but you'd be down i'll fuck anybody in a toilet at her cell why you're trying you're trying to elbow in on my girl i'm talking no no what i'm saying is is let's say if she was like oh hey old man do you have a young friend who'd like the fuck why she from the south and you would be like hell yeah call me up now if this is a girl you want to bring home to mom you're like hell no she would never say that she would never say that she would never say that all right man

I guess you just elbowed your way in here to my girl in my situation. I'm just saying there's a difference between Mary and then run a train on with your buddy. Why are you in his fantasy? That's a short train. That's a short train. That's a short fucking train. I thought Theo and Tim were on this. Well, fuck, no, they're not.

Why are you bringing these guys in? I don't even know them to see them make it. This is embarrassing. I don't know if that bitch is driving an old Dotson. She's probably down for a four-man train with a Korean in the bad. Or she just can't afford a nicer car. God damn it. why are you picking on poor people right now?

Oh, Dotson? Wow, you guys are basically outdoor black guys right now. Do you realize that? Do you realize that or not? And also, it's not running a train if it's just you and his dream girl. That's what I said. It's my dream guy.

What kind of train are we talking about here? Because if she's the caboose, you've got one power in the back, one engine in the front, that'd be a train. You're just not going anywhere. You're stay stationing. That's two guys trying to weld a caboose, I think. We're welding a caboose. It's called welding the caboose.

Yeah, dude. That's fucking. God damn it. That's a new saying. I'm about to weld this caboose. Stay out of his dreams, dude. I hate to tell you that. Sorry, bro. You're right. You seem like you're doing well and you're trying to get on to his dreams. Shab does very well. Well, Shob does him because he's got a girl,

but Shab, if he wanted to, could clean up all. But no, he's clean. He smells good. He's got a career. Women love him. Yeah, he's handsome. I love him, man. I think if probably men that are feeling light, probably love him as well, you know? He's a beautiful man. He's got that Italian thing going on to you, Italian?

A little bit, yeah. a light Greek or whatever. He's like Greek. Hey, that your boy, Elias. Elias Theodoro? That guy is a, is a stud. I'm pissed. I'm pissed. I'm pissed. I'm pissed off. He exists. I'm pissed off. I couldn't be sitting in on that so I could talk about him.

I can't. You just distract him. I'm mad. I'm not friends with him. And I'm jealous. I'm so jealous of him in general. Here's a shampoo sponsor. That's how good is here is. How tall is he? Tell me he's short. No, he's not short. 6-2. 6-1. Oh, God. He's a fighter? Oh, God. He's a fighter. Greek guy. Elias Theodero. He's from Toronto, but he showed up with just his dime-piece girlfriend. Yeah, of course.

This week? Yesterday. Dude, did she have on a big hat? No. Why? You know? I saw a man at the comedy store last night. He was sitting at the watching, went to watch Tony Hinchcliffe, and he was a fighter, tall guy, long hair.

That's probably him, dark hair. Yeah, dark hair, really friendly. That's probably him. Yeah, he's super friendly. I'm sure he went. He fought a few weeks ago, he said. Yes. Oh, that's so crazy.

I was just looking at that man probably 12 hours ago. Dime piece, yeah. Yeah, beautiful little lady. she doesn't want to get married that's what she said yes there you go blonde yeah there you go that's them she wore big guys i don't know any fighters except for barely him and you guys yeah he's a stud yeah that guy was beautiful i buy his sperm i'd buy a sperm off the internet i'm me too i would like i would let him have sex with my wife so number one i could videotape and talk to her about it also so that i could have one of those children yeah i'm not i told him i said you look like uh like

when disney was creating the prince charming like they looked like they drew a picture of you and he He says, yeah, I've heard that. I look like Aladdin. Jesus, you've heard that. We'll pick any other, anyone else but Aladdin. You do not look like Aladdin. It really pissed me off. Yeah.

Because there's a good vibe. What way is he by Aladdin? Is he a 75? 85. 85 or? Okay. You know what? Hearing you say that, he seemed like the kind of baby that you find in a river

and he grows up to save the village. Yes, 100%. Or his people. Yeah. Yeah. God, dude, I would get on that man's back and fucking ride to the moon. honestly. And I've only seen him one time from 60 feet away in the dark. First team all dime piece. That's what I'm throwing. First team all dime piece.

First team all die piece. Yeah. He's not the captain, but he's, he's started. You want to hear something sad about me? I will root. I will root for him just because of the way he looks. He's looking good. Like, I will root for that motherfucker. Like, if he's against somebody else, I'm sure he has skills. But his spirit. You can feel his spirit a little bit in the environment. Like, I've seen other dudes from 60 feet away. I'm like, that dude seemed like a dick, you know? You can feel it. Isn't it weird? You can feel. You can feel. that like I can feel a vibe I won't say anything I can feel a vibe with other comics

if I'm in I feel like come in and yeah it's just a weird I'm like oh man that sucks and I'll go out of my way to be like oh what's up brother and I can totally tell what's vibe there's a vibe meter that's your new thing vibe you're the vibe you're like the vibe whisper dogs can do that dogs can you know they say human beings

learn how to communicate way before we had language right so human beings pick up on all kinds of physical sort of tics and dogs do that too we can pick up they can even do that horses do it very well for yes yes yes very much you ever see that you ever see that statistic where that's why a lot of addicts and former acts connect with horses because horses they give off these you know one of my friends is doing that today kid you not he goes we're hanging out with these fucking horses the horses aren't bad but the ladies that love the horses drive me nuts oh i agree i agree i agree do you know here's a stat for you do you know that

with doctors you know the doctors the two factors that got get doctors sued the most what are the two main factors. It's fucking fascinating. Hold on. Let me guess it at least. Not seeing something, right? Like they don't give them the right... No. Really? No. They misdiagnose them? No. I know what it is.

Is that amazing? Two things that doctors get in trouble for the most. This is fascinating. Prescriptions? Sexual assault, sexual misconduct. So it has nothing to do with their... It has not to do with their degree. It has nothing to do with how often they misdiagnose something or even like when they do something wrong.

This is fascinating. They, they, the biggest thing is, is whether they have a dominant tone to their voice. And they even took words out and just had the music of their, so they took out like, they gerbled the words, but they kept the same tone. And the doctors, they had people randomly listen. And they guess that the doctors, they go, that guy probably gets sued more than this guy. And they were responding to how dominant the doctor was. So if the doctor was being dominant to you and bedside manner,

how much time did they spend with you? Doctors to spend less time with their patients. Got sued? And doctors had a dominant tone to their voice got sued. And it had nothing to do anything else. It came down to respect. It came down to how you treat somebody. And even doctors that had great bedside manner and that were really sweet,

but were really incompetent, didn't get sued even when it was their own fault. And patients didn't want to sue the doctor. They want to sue somebody else. They're like, I liked him. I don't want to sue him. And they were, well, you can't. You have to sue him. I always pride myself on being like a good.

Because you meet so many people in the business I come from now in comedy. You meet so many people, fans, right? And then dealing with business negotiations, I'm getting good at reading people. I've always been pretty good, even as a kid. And I'm trying to buy a home right now. And I'll meet realtors and stuff. And I'll turn to my girl, I'm like, we're not getting it. She's like, why?

I'm like, I can just, I had one guy, we shook hands. Because the market out here, especially on the west side, is a nightmare. It's such a nightmare. Yeah. I went, we have a deal. He goes, we got a deal. Shake hands. We turn around my girls.

Like, oh, my God, can't we go to home? I go, I bet you we don't get it. She was why I went, I just, I don't get a good feeling for him. Next morning. Nope. Because somebody beats you to it or something? Something like that. Shady shit.

Oh, okay. It's shady. Yeah, man. It's a real, it's a rap scallion. Fucking universe there with the real estate. Your strength is your ability to, like, you're very good at reading people, but I think one of your bigger strengths is an ability not to stay mad and an ability to own up to or accept your own, you've always been really good

at like saying, ah, I was wrong on this one. That just depends. You go home and you think about it and you go, you know, or, or you know, I get over it. Yeah, you know, I'm too busy to kill. You don't give a fuck, yeah. It doesn't help me. It doesn't help. It doesn't help to hold on and hold on the grudges.

A lot of people can't do that. I can't hold a grudge. I can't stay mad. Really? I'm the fucking worst at that. I cannot. I'm just like. No matter what you do, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, it's gonna, I'm gonna probably look up at the stars and go, boy, I'm tiny in the grand scheme of the shit.

What triggers do you? What triggers do you? For what? Any to piss you off. Is there certain things triggers? Like, like there's certain triggers. Like yesterday during my show, I was doing Big Round Breakdown. Chin brought up something where, yeah, congrats. You hit the top of the charts with it. Yeah. Congratulations. Number one. That's amazing. Chin brought up something where, where Dana White bullied a fighter. And man, it was a trigger, wouldn't it, Chin? Big time. Dude, I just got so upset. You don't like a boy. I'm not when it comes to that

He told Woodley Once he realized there's only one man Who calls the shots and get in line The better off he's going to be And it just fucking boom Triggered me And I go on this rant for fucking 30 minutes Kind of fucked up the show

Yeah Didn't fuck it up It didn't fuck it up But it really fucking grinded my gears As Peter Griffin says Dang Is there certain things that do that to you Yeah when I don't

When I don't do it When I don't take care of myself really is what does it, not to go back to that, but when I don't take care of myself, but what triggers me is when things seem unfair. I just feel, when something feels unfair, it just makes me just mad, man. And rich people sometimes drive me nuts that just if their hair looks really, really nice, or if their skin looks like their skin has never seen, yeah, even the wind, like they were, even as a child, they had people standing out in front of them just bloc in the wind.

Yeah, you hate that shit. I know what you mean by that. It just makes me mad. It just makes me mad. Is it because they're not aware of how other people live and how hard it is for some people? Yeah. And when I see Deadbeat Dads, that makes me mad. That'd be number one for me.

I was watching Stink Day on Good Morning America. Phil Collins' daughter came out. I was like, you know, I know I had a deadbeat dad and he's never around. I just want to say I forgive him. Like, well, I don't like Phil Collins anymore. Wow. Fuck that guy. Yeah, Bill Collins?

That's Phil Collins. Oh, God damn it. His daughter was like, you know, I did resent him. him forever because he was never around was basically missing my entire childhood. I'm like God damn it. Especially as a dad, you know how bad that fucks that kid up? Yeah. And she had to go through all this therapy and all this

shenanigans. Oh, celebrity children seem like the war, like it's got like it has to be the toughest. See, look at what? Did you see some of the celebrity kids? Like, if you look at like how they're doing, I'm talking major celebrities, they're not doing that well. Most of them have a hard time. The kids? Yes.

The kids are tough because of the expectations. I'll tell you the kids that do well, again, it just depends. but now in the NFL and the NBA they can most of them it's like 85% have a relative who played professional sports Wow Yeah there's there's a there's a

Yeah that's in their genes like especially now It's like 85% have some sort of connection to a relative Who is also a professional athlete Yeah I think that what happens is with a lot of They did a documentary called Rich Kids I think it's called And they took some the kids from the richest families Man oh man are they not doing well You know the stat I know we keep dropping stats and

We're probably so off, it's not funny, but you're 400% more likely to die before the age of 30 if you come from rich parents. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Oh, good. You have no drive. If you're going to be a hundred then. You need to be a little afraid of when your next dollar is coming from, I think, at the end of the day.

You blame the parents, though, right? Because the parents are giving them everything and they're bringing the enablers. It's tough, though, right? Because when your parents, like, I talked to some very wealthy people in London one time. And they were all talking about, they all made so much money. and they all had young kids and they were all talking about this thing called

the handicap of wealth and the conversation in the table for two hours was how do we get our kids to not be victims of the fact that we have made all this money and got to make them work

Jerry Seinfeld talks about he said his daughter goes you got to make him work like most of them they don't work because the parents have so much money like why the fuck about work just paying the allowance they say the number of thing you can do

is like you gotta get a job a little homie and like Jerry Seinfeld talks about he said he was driving his daughter to work and one of his you know has 500 cars She goes, you drop me off in a new car every fucking touch. She doesn't cuss.

This is me exaggerating. She was dropped me off in a car every fucking day. Like, the kids are making fun of me. Yeah. You want me to switch my lifestyle because kids are making fun of you? She was, yeah, dad. He goes, because we're rich. And he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm rich.

You got to go make your own shit. Yeah. Like, this is my, I'm rich. Don't get it twisted. As soon as you turn 16, you got to figure some shit out. So Rockefeller, Rockefeller, Rockfeller told his kids, he had so much money. He goes, here's the deal, guys.

Rockfeller. Rockfeller, no, Rockefeller. one of the richest American families. Larry Rockefeller? One of the richest American families. And he had four boys, I think. One who ended up being eaten in the Amazon, they think, by a tribe.

But he said to all of them, he said to all of them. Outdoor brothers, if you got to say it. No, they were Indians. They were not. Not bad. Outdoor aborigines. And he said to all of his sons and his children, he said, here's the good news.

You're rich. Here's the bad news. You have a big responsibility to change the world. There are no excuses now. Since you don't have to worry about making ends meet, you can now, you will now go to be a governor, one of his sons of the governor. Another son went off to be a huge anthropologist until he lost his life on an exploratory mission. Another one, so he held them to such a high standard, which is with wealth comes great responsibility. You better make, you better make an impact on the world. Do you think that whenever you die, your wealth should go

back into some sort of a pool so that that would I think it should you should be allowed to do with that wealth what you want you worked for it you should be able to bestow it to your children to a charity it should be all up to you yeah I think I agree I think I agree I think the smart thing to do with that is if you have a wealth you don't give it to the kid when he's 21 25 I think when he turns like 40 you should have access to the money because by then he knows who he is he's kind of established himself he's not waiting for this money you I would give because you're if you're if you're If you were my son and I had that money, you're a good example of a guy who knows exactly what to do with money. I would 100% have given you money at 30 or maybe earlier because I don't think you're the kind of guy that would spend it.

So it depends on the guy. I'm just saying if your son, let's say he knows he's going to inherit $10 million, you got to make sure he makes a path for himself, makes a life for himself. Because then that $10 million when he's fordying as kids and a wife, he can buy his dream home and not fucking stress out, putting 20% down. or he can go live somewhere where he's always dreamed to live. Like he's going to have, you know, this access that he's always wanted. Yeah. Maybe he's, but he still have to make a life for himself. He's not just some dumbass huffing and jacking off the NyQuil that night.

Jesus Christ, dude. You're right. Full circle. Full circle, man. And I think parents also have to keep their children. You have to let your children know that if you have a lot of money, that they are so fucking lucky and they should be able to see. That's so tough to do.

I guess I was lucky going to grow possible. It's probably tough to do as well. It's like I was talking about being. poor. You know what I'm saying? Like a rich, I can't stand when rich white privileged dudes talk about the struggles of being poor. You have to see it. You have to live it. Because if you go, hey, you know there's kids not out there that get Jordans. Like, cool, dad. All I know is Jordans. It's hard for me step in those shoes. You can't hold that against me. No, you can. But you can, but you, if you see it sometimes, like as a kid, maybe I was, I just grew up around real poverty seeing it. I always say

I saw it from the inside of an air-conditioned car. Yeah. And I did, whether it was in Africa, whether it was in Pakistan, whether it was in Yemen, whether it was in parts of Saudi Arabia, whether it was in, you know, India. I saw it and you'd see shanty towns. And when you see how people really live in those places, Indonesia, what happens is if you're lucky, you'll feel guilty. Right.

And you'll feel a little ashamed. How did you grow up, Theo? Because I saw you mentioned, you know, earlier. Like, I never had that about love or something like that. Yeah, I don't know. Well, my dad was really old when I was born. My dad was 70. He was an old man.

I just talked about this the other day because I got to do Rogan's podcast. So that was, you know, interesting. So, you know, I was just talking about that in the podcast universe. How are you being said? Yeah, you don't have to get. I'm just curious like. Yeah, and then my mother delivered newspapers still does deliver newspapers, which is kind of odd for an adult.

Got a Netflix special and still get your mama delivering newspapers. Yeah, well, look, dude, I send her money. She wants to work. I appreciate that. She won't stop work. She just got a van with no window. goes in it now. That's what she wanted, which I think is extremely dangerous for somebody really nearing

senior citizenship. No back windows. It has front and side. No back. No back. And no side. It's like a huge white vanity, like one of those Australian-looking vans, you know, at the high top? Yeah. She's a thug, dude. And she delivers new newspapers out of that, and that's

how she makes her living. Got a right arm on her, bro. She could she could whip your ass, dude. Oh, she'll whip the classified to your ass, bro. And are you close with your mama? Yeah, we're pretty close. I always thought I was like a daddy's boy, I guess, because I didn't have my dad.

So it was like this dream in my head. Yeah, but I'm realizing I'm more of like a mama's boy. Yeah, because your dad was absent. Is it because he was older and passed away? Yeah, he just got old, man. He was just doing old shit. He used to rest a lot. Well, shit, when you were 21, he'd been 91.

Yeah. How old was he when he was? We used to pretend he was a fire. I remember sitting around him, we would just put our hands on him while he was resting and pretend he was a fire. Because that was how he could play with him. with us. Like as a kid, you know, you use adults for, I guess, what you could imagine them being. Yeah. So we pretended

he was a furnace or we pretended he was we couldn't touch him. That was like one of the games, couldn't touch him. And we would get real close. It's so bizarre. And he passed away at what age? 86. He was 86 years old. So he was 16 when he passed away. Yeah. Yeah. And he was I mean, he was a neat man. I especially got to know him better, you know.

I know that sucks is 16. You really don't appreciate it. Yeah, you're not getting to. You still learn a lot of stuff, but I remember I learned a shitload from my dad from like, 18 to like 25 when I bet you when you think you're growing up you get kind of in the real world and you deal with some real issues that's where your dad comes into play your dad was very very involved in both of your hands on just awesome yeah yeah see and that's how I want to be I think so I think maybe that's why I feel extra bad sometimes when I'm not making the best choices that are making me into a you know getting my act together but you say that and for me like when I look at you I see a really really original and unique comic at 36 right and there's no doubt about that and there's no question about that. I've been around this too long. If I'm, if I'm sitting there watching you, if I'm doing that, you're doing something fucking right. Yeah. I'm sorry. If I, after all the time I've been doing stand-up, I'm sitting there laughing

and watching you, you're doing something right. So for me, I feel like you've made the important decisions. And the fact that you're an artist on that level of comic, which is another form of an artist, I don't know if, I don't know if you'd be so funny without your dysfunction. without a little of your self-hatred. So I don't know that you shouldn't embrace that. I don't know if you want to get rid of that. I know it sounds weird, but... I would for sure grow up, though.

See, I think a lot of comics I see that are self-sabotage, a lot of fuck-ups, and they blame it on that. That doesn't mean you can't have the normal shit. Yeah. You still have your shit together. I realize your father died at whatever, 16. Yeah. Your mom delivers fucking newspapers and maybe you have this,

you'd hate yourself and jack off to London Broils. It doesn't mean you can't have your shit together. There's a lot here at once. Yeah, but like you're grown enough and you have your shit together. You're obviously smart guy with the sets you do that are brilliant. Yeah. The Netflix special and where you realize that you can have your shit together. It's weird to me when comics don't have their shit together, when they should.

Yeah. It's almost like it gives you a free pass to be a moron. But you do have your shit together, don't you? I mean, you know, I guess I just wish emotionally sometimes I did more. And I appreciate you guys even, you know, sharing thoughts and advice with me because, you know, it's inspiring to see me. Both you guys have children. you be able to manage that and seem to healthfully manage that in your life. And, you know, I want to be able to do that, I think.

So anyway, I feel like I've turned this into like a downer episode. Not at all. Not I think it's interesting. And I think I think when you're not fucked up and you can do it anything you want to do. Well, it's inspiring, man. And I do appreciate the nice words, you know. And maybe I just need to not be as hard on myself. And maybe that'll make it easier to stay focused.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. And so much of fucking what, like getting, getting what you want is keeping that in your mind. I'm starting to think that the more you think that the more you think that. think about something and the more you keep it in your sights and that you'll start to take action. I swear to God, I mean, before you know, you look at it two years later and you're like, damn, I'm a lot closer than I was. I came a long way here. Yeah.

You know, it goes back to your thing too. Like, yeah, did you, how did you feel about, you know, at the time where you probably felt weird about stopping fighting, you know? Yeah, I'm scared. And then now you feel okay about it, you know. Well, now he's got fucking, you know, two podcasts that basically if you're in the fight world, you know, you better know. Yeah. Now he's basically the tall Italian Oprah, basically, out here's, dude. Tall Italian Oprah, dude.

He's the Ryan Seacrest of Fitton. He's the T.I. He's the T.I. Oprah. Well, tell me a funny story, man. I want to hear more like a funny story of you guys is from the road. From the road? From the road? Well, what I like to do is at the end of the night, I like to get my friend over here, Brennan Chauv, laughing.

If there's some random girls around and I'll just start saying crazy. shit. Oh, my God. This girl, this girl, we were in a group. I'll set this up. We're in a group.

We're in, where we at? We were in Vancouver. Vancouver. We're in Vancouver at this fancy hotel where all these actors stay. And we're around this table because Brian knew one of these actors.

And we're sitting there and, you know, Jay Shob's having this fine whiskey. I never drink, but I'm like having a whiskey because I was like, I just want to hold something. Yeah, and you're in Canada, dude.

I'm there. I'm sitting like this with this fine-ass beverage and Brian's there. Canadian is fuck, dude. And there's this girl, there's this just dime, like smoke show. She's a smoke show. Like a 30. A straight 30. I'm hoping she has daddy issues. And she's holding this like video. Like basically her phone, it was her phone, but there's

a video and I'm like, what the fuck did she keep staring at? She goes, it's my dog. And I'm like, and I go, you're single? She goes, yeah, but of course. But of course. So she just focusing on this little Chihuahua in her fucking living room. like she's like oh my god it's like one of the first times i've left i'm like okay this getting lame and i'm like anyways and then she just will not stop the we'd we could say hey how's the weather in vancouver it's fantastic oh my god sparky loves the sun i'm like oh my this bitch

would not get off the dog and then i and then she keeps talking about it and she goes you know he had a heart condition he's missing his teeth and his he doesn't walk well and then i'm like i'm so bored of this i go hey brian what would her dog look like right now And Brian starts mimicking the dog And starts giving her shit about the dog Dude, I was laughing so hard I thought they were going to ask me to leave I thought that I was like falling out my seat

Tears my eyes I thought they were going to ask me to leave And I was doing this animal clay I was doing this shit to her though Because she was like I love doing this I did this time Well they started with this I go how it's the dog She was a bad heart

She was yeah I go Brian what do you think about that dog And you go huh The old ticker Got a bump ticker got a bump kicker And kept talking on the side of his mouth My God, bump ticker, got it. It's a matter of time.

Matter time for that bump ticker gives out. She was freaking. And then I was looking at her going like this. I was doing this to her. I was like, because she was so, I was like, listen to me, I'm going to do your favor. I want you to look at me. Now, I'm a married man, but here's the thing. I'm going to gift you with children.

I'm going to fill you up with some children. You said twins. I'm going to give you twins. I'm going to give you twins. They're going to have my face. That's a wizard work. If you're going to have my friends, that's the bay, Ruth, the senior. You're going to thank me.

You're going to thank me. You're going to thank me. Not going to tell my wife, but you're going to thank me. I'm going to give you twins. I'm going to fill your belly. You're going to have my kids. You're going to raise my kids. I'm going to check in once a year when I come to do my stand-up.

If they're not doing well, I'm going to have to take a hand in their face and to your face as well. And then you said, here's exactly like me. You're reminding me every day. I'm going to check out once a year. Don't fuck this up. Don't fuck this up. And she thought you were getting so mad at me. She was like, you're such.

And I was like, look at me. I'm going to gift you my piece. You can have a good time. This is like there will be semen. That's right. I was laughing once a year. I'm going to come back and I'm giving you McCock again. I'm not going to fill you up with kids.

Just once a year. But you and I know it's a joke. She was thought and her friend's going, you guys are dits. I'm like, oh, you think this is serious. I just love doing something like that. Oh, dude. I'm going to give you, I'm not going to, like,

I'm going to have sex with you. This girl, this girl with Stevie didn't, like, couldn't have looked at me. She was just like, she was just not in. She was kind of complaining about being with all of us as a group. And I just was like, you know, don't like her attitude i go sweetheart listen to me right now now i'm married i'm 50 with two kids i know you find that attractive let me finish i'm going to have sexually tonight if you want without a condom i will

get you preggia dude that's america dude that's true give you my child he'll have my face you get to see my face every day of your life you're welcome in advance wow is she laughing it's stevie and they were all laughing they were laughing so hard she said fuck you nine one like how would you do it like giving me they were all laughing i can't do that if i went, hey, listen, here's what's going to happen tonight. We're going to go back to my room. I'm going to fuck you. I'm going to fuck you. I'm not going to use a condom because I don't use those because those are for pussy.

You're just too big and scary. I'm going to get you pregnant. I'm going to give you fucking twins. I'm going to come back once a year. Once a year. You're not going to say shit on social media, okay? She's like, oh my God, this is rape. I recorded all this. I'm going to ruin your career. Here's TMZ. You seem like the slickest dude at an enterprise.

You seem like the slickest dude that works at Enterprise ever. Also, it helps that they're not attracted to you. With Brennan... It helps that you're non-threatening. I have a full sleep debt to my fucking ears. They're also attracted to... Yeah. They're all...

Oh, my God. But with Brendan, they might be like, okay. And then you're like, wait a minute. With me, they're like, they're just not attracted to me. It's already like, they're only like, the fucking this guy. I feel like you beat them down so much. I'm like, just do it already. Yeah, just start the family.

Like twins, I don't give any fuck. Just shut up. I'll raise 20 years with your kids just to get you to... If you just shut the fuck up, you can do anal, night. and fuck whatever just shut up that's so houston dude anal on nightquil that's yeah yeah that's houston texas have you guys ever let me ask you this because we both we've all put up some numbers with it comes to women this is a trivia question for you and be honest have you ever how many times if ever have you had a woman while you're having sex have you had a woman actually ask

you to put it in her do butt activities yes to go an inch south come in the back door. Yeah. Let me think, dude. Maybe zero times. I would say zero as well. I'd say zero. I believe I've had it only twice.

Oh, wow. Maybe once? What region was this in? So one girl was that terrible slut? And she goes... Was this in L.A. or this in New York? One was in L.A. and she said, um, can you please?

And I thought she was going to say, and she goes, can you please fuck me in the end? Wow. And I was like, huh? Huh? I know. I was like... Six to midnight. I know. I was like, all right. And then... You just immediately say, yes, you got to consider it for a second.

Like a fucking gentleman. I agree. Pump the brakes. I know. And then another girl, this was crazy. She's really making herself vulnerable then. Another girl, I was engaged in regular sex. And then my finger might have been in the area. Okay.

And she goes... Finky night. And she was so interesting. She was, she had been an athlete. She's kind of a jock, kind of a good. looking beautiful. Triceps or just older? I swear to God.

I swear to God. She had a big dick. Wow. And yep. And hairy chest. And she said, she turned around as I was doing some finger play and she went, I swear to God. She goes, oh, Christ, just put it in my ass already.

And I went, wow. I asked you. I know. I went, oh, okay. And then check this out. I had a condom on. And I swear to God, she goes, are you really? You're really going to use a condom to go on?

And as in, you know, you're not going to get put. pregnant and so she made me not do it with a poop shoot i know jesus i guess i peer pressure i'm sorry took it off this was there she has this was a long time ago in new york wow my first girlfriend ever was into butt activities man really first girl i how did you find out um by doing them yeah well like you like we i know but was she like the theo i would just love for you to take that i think she might have i can't remember and i trust me i've long to remember what the words were okay I know. I just my brain doesn't hold them, dude.

I hear you. But I lost my Virginia behind a bowling alley, actually, in our town, dude. A bowling alley? Like a M.C? I lost my virginity standing up. Wow. It seems like something you would do. Against the wall?

Huh? Against the brick wall back there by the dumpsters? She was against wall and I was behind her. She was teamwork, I guess. Standard, yeah, standard. Pants down, or she have a dress on? Um, I think we both had pants. We both had teenage jeans on.

Ah, yeah. Second girl I had sex with, had one. I was 16. And kids were throwing rocks at us. I just remember that. Hold up. You were balls deep in the screen. you both got your Levi's down to your ankles

and kids are taking rocks trying to stone you to we have mean kids god damn that's that New Orleans shit man fuck it's Pakistan almost is that Pakistan where is that that might be Siri up we see where in Aurora we clap at that shit I probably would have got my phone out if I was Young Aurora Illinois Aurora Colorado

Oh wow to A town Dang dude that's uphill That's uphill what do you mean uphill It's up in the tire No well I mean it's a mile high city 502 80 but we would applaud if we caught you fucking someone behind a bowling alley I had I'd get some fries play some

video games never fucked anyone in the back there though no I did I've done all that stuff wow dude all that stuff tell us what else he did all that stuff you had butt play in the back of the bowling alley too I mean sure anywhere anywhere any anywhere what do you mean I'm gonna stay off course I've had sex in I've had sex

in the craziest spots on the planet in restaurants in the back where they stack all the chairs I've done it all I've done it all let's go back there anywhere you can find mind a little storage inlet, including garbage. I find it more creepy when you see that, and I look down and got business socks on.

Like, they're a cereal toy. Did you notice that? A business sock wearing a motherfucker. Yeah, yeah. Everything, it was like the deleted scenes from, uh, what's that movie where the guy has the hookers in the tub and kills everyone? Oh, you're talking about American Psycho? Yeah, yeah.

Everything is like a deleted scene. So when you're 50, when you're 50 talking this way, it's creepy. You're Dexter of Comedian. When you're 50? With those socks, I can see me like, yeah, I fucked behind a bull and slitted. You're the dexter of pussy, bro. I am. Sorry to say pussy in here. No, it's fine. At 50 years old, when you

are my age and you talk this way, it's nothing short of creepy, but please understand. The fucking bowling sock job on make it worse, bro. Yeah. Yeah, I know. That creeps me out. No, I've done, where's the craziest place? Jesus Christ. This got weird, huh? Yeah, did it? I don't know what you... I don't know.

This is pretty standard for firing the kid. We could go some current events while you think hard and long about it. We can go. Let's get into some current events. Yeah, let's get into it. What do you got, Chandler, before Brian starts fucking But I'll throw this into my album. My album's out there, 30 pound bag of hamster bones. And we just hit, we got number one on iTunes yesterday.

Dude. That's fucking awesome. Pretty cool, man. Thank you. It's so cool. And I hate to brag. I'm not bragging about it. It's only $8. It's a fair investment.

And it's pretty decent, dude. It's on iTunes right now. It's on iTunes right now. It's on iTunes right now. If you want to check it out, I think it is a worthwhile investment. I wouldn't recommend it to you if it wasn't. It's more than decent. It's very good.

And how can they find it? It's good, man. It's just, it's just Theo Vaughn, or it's, 30 pound bag of hamster bones because they busted a man. First time I ever talked about it was on your podcast. That's right. They busted a man in our town with a 30 pound bag of hamster bones on him.

It's so incredible. They got him. They got him. They got the fucker. Thank God. That's a real psych killer out there. Hamster killer. I mean, that's the kind of thing you were doing these kind of socks. I feel like that. I expect that hamster killer to have on those same business socks that you got from men's warehouse. I keep my shoes on too so I can push off. So I can get a grip

and push off. So you can be outdoor indoor. Yeah. What do you got, Jen? Yeah. All right, the first current event is an opponent, an ex-opponent of Brendan's. Ben Rothwell? Yeah, I know, Ben. He got flagged for a potential UFC anti-doping.

This is the second time, I think, in the UFC. Last one was the TRT when he tested way too high for it, and he was given the exemption. So he, you know how they were doing that, especially Vitor. Oh, yeah. He had TRT exemption. Do you ever see his way in picture when we fought? I'm not saying he wouldn't have beat me with or without it. No, that's when he looked super, super,

super buff for his body style too after he beat me he came in the back of luck him the nicest guy and I go bro what the fuck you look great man and he goes yeah I had to get in shape get ready for you can you bring that up when you get a chance Rothwell flagged

well what he looked like when he fought running that way and he's so big and strong he's so they all are all the other rates are brother yeah they all are actually a better way to say it's that he's incredibly he's big he's huge he's actually incredibly durable.

Oh, no. Oh, well. Okay, so this doesn't look that crazy, but if you see his body normally... Is he black or what? This is actually ripped for Ben Rothwell. Yeah, it is. Wow.

He looks scary. He looks very scary. Go to that second one for Mitching. Go to this one. Heavy arms, too. Go to this one? Long arms, bro. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, it looks a little more like my aunt in that one. Let me go to this one, right here. This guy? Yep. Looks like everybody's... Brandon, I don't know. Oh, that's, uh, that's Gonzaga there.

Yeah, but he, you can see him pretty shredded there. He looked kind of doughy, even back in, like, the, what was that fight league with boss for him, the coach? Oh, there we are. There we are. Now, are you alarmed then? That's you burning with your hat on? Yeah.

Oh, wow. You wear a hat when you fight? Uh, that's a way in. Oh. Yeah, he's, he's very, very well. He's in shape. Yeah. Amazing fighter.

Not taking anything away from amazing, amazing fighter. Um, do you get a lot. nervous that if an opponent is on performance enhance and drugs? I just assumed they were. Every fight. I just assume that's how prevalent was back then. I just assumed they were. Really? And he released a statement

on his own Facebook page. He's saying for everyone to hold judgment for now. He was, he had like a serious illness and he was on his physician's orders and he'll tell him, tell the public. That's fair. This is the, and this is the issue with this is USADA will flag a guy

for caffeine, for anything and we've seen it with a lot of guys they get flagging you side is so fucking anal but the thing is it ruins these guys careers because already we're like of course Rothwell right so now I'm giving the benefit of the doubt I with Rothwell here

it's like yeah let's see what happens like don't fucking crucify him yet let's wait to hear about it because again with cyber all of us like of course she's fucking juicing look at her it came out she wasn't really juicing how we thought she was and ended up being you know

get an exemption. Wouldn't you say that also even if he does get caught sometimes aren't there medications that can get you disqualify without realizing or no? Not real. I mean, it's very skeptical. The weird thing about these.

When he has a history of it and he gets flagged, it's always skeptical. A lot of times it's stuff that you know you could use it for real ailments. Yes. But then the second effect is if you were taking testosterone and it helps hide it, all that kind of stuff. Yeah. Even with the cyborg, Her thing also helped to disguise...

Even John Jones and some... Some of these dudes are dipping facacha and test 400. 100%. When is John Jones fighting? We don't know yet. We just don't know. I feel like he's been gone forever. Anthony Johnson and D.C. are fighting in April, yeah.

In Buffalo. We don't know because he has not been completely clear yet. Well, we know in July he'll be, I think, off his suspension, but we've got to see what happens with Johnson, D.C. before anything happens. What else you got, Chin? All right. The second one is today. national international

Before we move on Don't crucify him until we get all the facts The goal and snitch will flag you For fucking too many pink starburst Let's wait to see what happens Go ahead I kind of feel like it'll be more than something Small though

I don't know why Well with Ben Rothwell has a history of It's like Josh Barnett flagged We're like yeah no shit And if Rothwell didn't actually watch his levels And it went above It just kind of shows that maybe he's I don't know

But we'll see what happens Let's definitely see what happens first I like the guy, yeah. So today is March 8th is International Women's Day. And from everything I'm reading, oh, snap, oh, won't load. Let's see if this one's up. So pretty much that organization that did the Women's March in Washington when Trump got elected to protest against, you know, how he talks bad on women or whatever. The one video.

They plan today as a day without women. So they're encouraging millions of women around the world to not go to work. I'm sick of this shit. I'm so sick of this shit. Remember, all this happened. All this came to light because the one Trump video of him going to grab women by the pussy. Oh, we don't want that as a president. That's what sparked this thing.

Yeah, but it's a little bit more than that. Remember that he has basically, as a lot of Republican presidents do, he has withdrawn all federal, all federal funding for any planned parenthood center overseas that even, they're not even allowed to discuss abortion. And they are trying to do the same thing to an extent. at least put pressure on Planned Parenthood here in the United States. To not give them funding? Essentially, there is, and I have to look into this more carefully, but. Choose your words carefully here. But contraception, should contraception be covered under federal guidelines?

So in other words, should there be federal subsidies for contraception, should there be federal subsidies for abortion? And Planned Parenthood, remember, they help a great deal of women who are poor. who don't have access to health care certain areas. They don't just have hospitals near them. And so Planned Parenthood is a lot of good for women's reproductive health and women's health in general. So he's trying

to get rid of Planned Parenthood? And also remember that with the... No, is that Truby? Before you keep going. He's not trying to get rid of Planned Parenthood. It's trying to cut their budget. It's always like cutting budget and using and cutting federal funding to certain Planned Parenthood centers, putting pressure on them if they provide abortion services,

if they provide contraception that has been subsidized by the federal government. There are all these things, but more importantly, I have to remember that with the confirmation of Borsch, who is the conservative Supreme Justice, if you get a majority in the Supreme Court that is conservative, and Borsh has a disturbing past according to a lot of women's rights, a lot of abortion rights, pro-choice activists, he has a probably you could conjecture that he would maybe be in favor of suggesting that Roe v. Wade, which gives women the right to an abortion,

that could be overturned because it is, for example, murder or at least leave it up to the states. It's not better at the law. There's a lot of things that could happen with the Supreme Court justice who's conservative that could tilt the scale to making abortion something you can only get in certain states. There's a lot of that. So women are undersease, if you are a pro-choice woman and a pro-choice person, there is there are threats looming on the horizon so that's really what the only reason i bring this up is because i wanted to get your takes on on this kind of protest so they'll they'll leave

work they're all they're encouraging them to leave work and not to go to school so a lot of schools are actually closing because you know a lot of women are teachers yeah they're they're already predicting that a lot of teachers aren't going to come in so they just cancel classes all together at a lot of schools so i'm wondering if this is the best way to protest on top of that do you know the day without immigrants that thing that happened, so many people got fired from their jobs when they did that. So it backfired for them. Yeah.

I feel like there's better ways to go about it for sure. Yeah, I think some of this has turned into some, some of these marches are, actually, I feel like there's a lot of hatred out there towards men. It feels like as a man, as a regular man. Yeah. I'm just a basic dude. I feel like some of it there's this weird hatred. I mean, well, I think you're right, Leo.

I think the biggest problem with the sort of feminist narrative is that the modern feminist narrative is what you're responding to is they paint women as victims and men as predators. And I think that's bullshit. That's not fair. And they do it. And that's if you go on college campuses, that's how they talk. And by the way, how about this? You know, when they talk about consent and no means no always, yes, yes, I know. But please don't get into bedroom and tell me how to talk. I mean, even in the animal kingdom, courtship is the duck, the lion is saying no, no, no, and then finally the lion gets on. I'm not saying that you rape somebody. David but let's just keep the fuck out of my bedroom don't tell me how to talk this is a day without

apps on our phones now a day without women boycott begins with school closures i just feel like that's not the smartest route to go that's why if you're trying to get changed don't fucking take a day off from teaching but then again it's also we are talking about it yeah it does make it does make a point yeah it makes a point to me that you're going about the wrong way it's not painting it in a positive light i mean if you want to be i think the best thing that most women can do is just try to raise their kids to be respective of women and just do your best to do that. And then you'll have a country that's filled with men that respect women. Parents, men and women need to do that, you know? And I'm not saying that I'm a product of that

or anything, but I think, you know, maybe that can help. I don't know. I don't know how you solve all of our problems. I don't know. I think it's exciting that women are getting together and doing stuff. You also got to control the narrative. Like, I think certain people hijack the narrative. So a lot of people will bully you into like what you're all reacting to. We're all reacting to. is the fact that, man, as a man, you know, if you, if you suggest that women aren't victims and that they are responsible for their own safety sometimes, and men are not all predators, you're considered, you don't know what you're talking about, you're a, you're a, you're part of the patriarchy, and it's bullshit, the patriarchy, the fucking male patriarchy, the fact

that men control a lot of stuff has given us also a lot of good, not just bad, a lot of fucking good, like a longstanding democracy and like science and, come on. The scary thing would be the school closures because the boycott begins If that one day turns into weeks or months, I take my kid out of that school Yeah, I don't know that it's just a one-day thing Yeah, it's just a one-day thing Was it a Wednesday? They're smart, they were done Friday, three-day weekend

That's true But I respect all the single mothers that can't take off work today And I know that that's a tough gig And they should have a special single moms day Do they have that day? No, we're single dad day single mom day that's a good question yeah that's actually a really good we're stepdad's day dude you know the gangster the warfare that's out there i agree you're trying to grow a goate

in a house with a kid that's not even yours dude and hate you off the bat and you're making friends with that little bastard and you got to wear shorts shorts and show your hairy legs why why can't they have a fucking day on we're straight up we're single mom day where they get a day yeah we're single mom day where all these you know where wealthy women they can't afford to you know, do, you know, take a day off. They don't have them. They donate their money to, to get a single mom. Yep.

A day off, you know. Damn, man. I'd have given anything. Sometimes I was have my mom not out there slanging freaking the sports section, you know, and beating us at the house for one extra day, you know. I would have given anything a little bit more macaroni. You know what I'm saying? You want to help out, find a way to have a single mom a day off.

Somebody said that if they had taken all the money for that women that people spent to fly to Women's March, the one that was a while back, that they would have funded Planned Parenthood for eight years or something. And that's hypothetical numbers because I'd look. Yeah. But anyway, but it's all, you know,

yes, treat your women well, dude. What else you got, Jen? All right, this one's interesting. And why the fuck are you here, Sima? Why didn't you take today off? Yeah, why don't we ask her? She's right here. Yo, what the fuck?

You're stepping over, what is it calling you? You're a traitor. Yeah, you step over the lines. Yeah. a trader. Thin red line. In your country, would they have this? Do they have this in your country today? It's international. It's not really international.

No, they wouldn't have that. They wouldn't have it. They have bigger concerns in Ethiopia. Eritrea. Like food. Eritrea, dude. She's from where they filmed the never-ending story. Don't you know that? Is that true? No, it's not. It's a different place. I don't hear you. Never-ending

story? Beautiful movie. Good movie. Was it filmed there, though, sir? That's a made up place. Well, the future should have been. Eritory is made up. No, it's not. No, in never-ending story, air tree is made up.

Oh, right on. Yeah, there's no flying dragons, bro. It looked beautiful back in the day when I saw it on film, which I thought I did, and apparently didn't. What else you got, Chin? Okay, this one, this is in Las Vegas. There's like a downtown alley where these homeless people were sleeping, and then two of them were just killed from blunt force traumats or their heads.

Some psycho kills Exactly So these cops set up this Close Circuit TV sting And they saw this guy walking with a hammer And then he just kicked this thing And knocked it on the head Was it a Super Mario brother?

Is it Luigi? Is it Donkey Kong? Why is he doing this to above? So they set up a mannequin sting It was a mannequin under a blanket So the guy kicks it And then he takes the hammer And just smashes it on the head

So they arrested him for attempted murder but the defense is saying you can't do that because it's a mannequin. Oh, that's awesome. I thought I knew it was a mannequin. Oh, hell no. He's probably he can get off in it. Burn him, bro. Cook him. That's the dude. No, hit him over the head with a hammer. He's a psycho. Hit that fucking receding hereline

fuck with a hammer in the head. Take his double chin and smack the fuck out of him with his hammers. That's a psycho. He ate part of his lip. That's a dude who kills people. Yeah. That's a guy who kills people. And he only has one bottom lip. Yeah, that's all he has. What happened to the top lip? I don't know.

He's a bad guy. We need to drop him off on Skid Row, give all the bums and the crackheads hammers, and let him just go to work on this fight. That's when you know somebody's a cycle. That's the picture of a bad person. That's a bad guy. His head's pretty lumpy. He does look for him.

Like someone probably did it to him. Wow. Hopefully. He's a piece of shit. Hopefully. Well, maybe that's, I mean, people got to go hitting each other with a hammers. Yeah, that'd probably be where to start. What does it stop?

I don't know. He gears up and goes in there and hits people on the head. Kills bombs with hammers. What a bad guy. What a bad guy. I mean, we've all thought about it, but it's not a good book. I've never thought about that. You haven't?

Hitting a bum with a hammer? I don't want to touch him. I don't want to get fucking sawers. Not a hard hammer. Not a hard hammer. Like a plastic one? A Nerf hammer. A Nerf hammer, dude.

I always carry a Nerf hammer. Now, that's a fun game. Nerf hammer and some local buns. I sneak up on them and I give him an apple. Oh, wow. I've got it has a super-soaker, so if they get within 10 feet, I spray the fuck out of their face. Wow. No, no, I love.

Yeah, that's mean. Sneak up and give him an apple. The fruit assassin. Fiber. Brian Callum, the fruit assassin. Fiber and some cash. What else you got, Chin? That guy's a piece of shit.

Are you guys familiar with not Donald Faison. Faison love? Uh-huh. You guys are. Yeah. Do you remember him? He's from the old school TV show, The Parenthood.

Yeah. He's like that lovable. Funny guy. Yeah, he's on S&L as well, I think briefly. Yeah. You got a picture of him? Yeah. He just, he's right here.

He just beat the crap out of a valet attendant. at an airport. Oh, and this is the video? Yep. So he's here. They were kind of just going back and forth for a little while. And then it looks like it's going to end and I'll show you what happens. Valais Columbus.

So he's kind of walking away and the guy turns away. He grabs him. Oh, shit. I don't know him. And here. Oh, my God. Faison is strong. Damn, he just twirt.

Yeah. And then they stop him right here. Is that Eric Griffin getting in? Yeah, he looks like Big Black. You see how strong Faison? is, though? He took that dude and shucked him. Oh, that's not the same phase on. Oh, dude, he's hilarious. He's from, he's from Friday.

Exactly. That's Smoky. He's a, I thought it was like a lovable guy. Oh, no, that's, uh, everybody's smoky. No, no, no, no. Smokey. Uh, God, what's his name in Friday? He had a low rider. Hold on. Go back again. I want to see how fast. Big perm. That's big perms. He shucks that dude like a fucking, like he's a raggaw. So that second part was the craziest part when he throws his head into the side.

You see this again. This motherfucker is no joke. Well, he's a complete joke. He's a tiny guy He's a tiny guy who's ready Oh That's what he's taken from this B? Whoa Oh no

No That's a tiny little guy He's a huge fat guy Look how small that man's ankles are That is barely an angle He's got some small That is a breadstick If anyone had any sort of strength

They beat the fuck out of this guy Look at the background Doing nothing the whole time The white cop Is that a cop? Look at some guy Can't tell what that guy is And as soon as someone who's a bigger

side steps saying he stops doing everything he's a bully he's a piece of shit there's no doubt but I mean but watch watch uh what's this that guy did nothing back there huh this guy he looks like he looks like a security guard but he's probably just like they look like they're fixing the elevator that's not a security guard

plus he's just chucking him around if you see a guy just chucking another dude around I would slap the fuck in him what you'd happen on my watch you see you see him shucking a guy around you're like maybe that guy was a dick you never know I see I wouldn't do that I would stop in I'd stop both him for sure yeah I would find out what happen and then let him pay.

Because he's so much bigger. Oh, yeah. He's so much bigger. I'd never let that happen. Wow. The rumor is it's because he thought the bill was too high for his valet charge, whatever that is. But it's got to be more than that. You can't beat up the guy.

Maybe. Uh-uh. Good Lord. I can't believe. What's that guy been doing? Like he did, he's a big per-in-a-movie still. Is he still in movies? He's like Barbershop one, two, three, four, five?

He did Doves' pilot? He did he? How'd that go? Well, it didn't get picked up, but he was. It was at Neil. Neil Brennan and Dobs Piles. No, it was actually just Doves. It didn't get picked up. It was Neil and Dove did do a Pallinian. Couples Retreat was the last one that I think you did.

You know how long ago couples retreat with? He was an elf. Oh God, 2009. Yeah. What's he do for money? He's on Blackish there. I think he might do stand-up. I think he does stand-up. Yeah, he's a stand-up. Yeah, he travels with a stand-up. He was in Ohio. They got a lot of... He was a funny dude. Yeah. Yeah. Well, he's had a good career. He's been a shitload of stuff. Yeah. You kind of screwed now when you pick on, you know, they got triggered. He got triggered, man. Something happened to him.

Man, that sucks. Well, he's from Cuba. He is exactly 49 years old. Too old started to be doing that. Yeah. That sucks, man. I don't know. He's hilarious.

He shook that little man around. He shook him around. He shook him around. He shucked him. Like he beat him a kid. Yeah, he did big per him. Big perm. Big worm.

Big worm. Hey, hey, speaking of current events, how about the CIA able to tap into your smart TV? I don't know if you know this. But one of the things. that the New York Times came out was the CIA has all the technology and has been, if the documents, and they are pretty genuine, has been able to tap into your phone, your TV in your house, even when it's off, if it's a Samsung, and they can turn that into a whole listening device. Uncle Samsung, that's what it is now. With my TV, I can talk to my TV. It's smart. It's got like Siri, you know. If you do that on your TV, CIA can get in there, they can send a signal and they can listen to everything. And from what I understand,

They've actually solved some murder cases in homes when the TV was off. Somebody came and killed, but they were able to hear what was going on. Damn. Yeah. That's got a cool. But the question is, what the hell is the CIA doing? Listen in on... Go ahead and listen in, CA.

I'm not doing anything suspect. I'm not selling drugs. I don't get it a fuck. Everyone's all up in arms. I don't give a... Check my text. You might see a good dick pick. I don't care.

I'm not doing anything shady. None of that. I know everyone freaks out. I know it's like it's invading your privacy. I'm not doing anything. They're not going to be beyond me. You know what I'm saying? Like what's the big...

So they're listening to me play with my kid? Yeah, but the only problem is like, for example, and like if say a sitting president, I'm not saying this happened, but this could be an example. The reason you always have to have court orders and stuff is because if a sitting president, just say, Donald Trump decides the way he's accusing Obama of. He's in office.

There's a Democrat that's about to win, and he doesn't want that guy. So he listens in on his studio? Yeah, I mean, that, you know, he says the CIA. Don't be an asshole and talk like an asshole on TV or do shady shit. Well, you just don't want, you don't have to worry about it. You're a safe adult. You live the life of a safe adult, it seems like.

You don't want the government being able to listen in without, you know, due process. No, I get that and that sucks. It's also not the end of the world. Right. You know what I'm saying? I love your attitude, man. Especially it solves murders or catches ISIS, especially in the United States or foils their plans if they're trying to organize some sort of bomb. Oh, yeah.

I'd much rather take that. of them doing that than listen to me talk about butt sex. It is it is a difficult situation because you want your intelligence agencies to be able to listen in on assholes because you're right, the stakes can be pretty fucking high if you have a cell that's

organizing to kill a whole bunch of people. And we have the access to listen to their phones or wiretap their TVs. And we've known this. Nobody said anything but they were real quiet like the NSA and the CIA were real quiet when it turned out that you know you couldn't when Silicon Valley was having this big problem with the FBI where they couldn't break in a

WhatsApp, we couldn't break into Apple, but guess it was real quiet. Like the FBI is like, we can't fucking break into this, the shooters from San Bernardino, but the NSA and CIA, real quiet. They were like, yeah, we can't either. Yeah. They got the technology. We can't catch it. We can barely convict the dude who's

killing people with a damn hammer, a runaway of Super Mario brother. Yeah. We're not, I get, we want to respect our privacy and our rights and stuff, and I get that argument, I'm just saying if you're not doing anything, it's shady and it's helping solve crimes or foil fucking ISIS plans. I don't it's not the end of the world so let them in for an hour in the evening be like if you're you want to come to the shah

residence you can record us from seven whatever you want you can watch i mean whatever you want man wow you're brave you definitely don't want to give the government the power to listen in on anyone without due process and a warrant you just can't give the government power but if they've been doing that and we didn't know and the government did know and that's squirley yeah that's super squirre they always do but if they but if they have even the slight curiosity that this guy could be some form of a serial killer terrorist. I think they should be able to, they should be able to listen. Well, they are able to in those cases. I mean, but they have to prove to a federal judge that in fact or to that, that in fact, look, hey, everybody.

He could be a risk. Yeah. And that I have no problem with that. Yeah. But just keep in mind that it's you, you'd still need do. And by the way, here's where a free press comes along. Eddie Bravo talks about fake news. Guess who broke this? New York Times. New York Times was like, hey, guess what? People within the CIA, because they have sources, they fucking called, they didn't feel good about it. They leaked it to the New York Times. That's where Free Pets is very important because the New York Times goes,

hey, everybody, I got news for you. The CIA's been doing this. Can you imagine the CIA right now what's going on? They've got to justify this shit. When the New York Times runs it's a front page ad, I mean, front page story, this is where Free Press is very important. They keep your government agencies and your politicians and people in power honest. they hold them to account.

Eddie's going on fucking info wars today. He's on there today. Eddie Bravo, I don't know what it is. That should be interesting. It's conspiracy theories at its finest.

It is the biggest show for conspiracy theories. Then again, then again, though, if you had told me that the CIA... Well, if you told me the CIA was listening in on all these things, I would have been like, no, they had to go through a lot of stuff.

That's what? According to the New York Times, which everybody, you know... Chalking up for Eddie. The New York Times is like, nah, actually, here's why we're here because government agencies and people in intelligence will, like all people, will take shortcuts to get their agenda done.

What do you hear your news, bro? Well, what about this? I believe mostly rumors I get my news from. I do. Rumors and instinct, dude. That's what I trust the most, bro. Rumors and instinct, because people can start rumors for no reason, and they can create rumors for their own agenda.

Legit rumors then, and instinct. Yes, that's fine. But I'll do this, man. I'll say this. What if the New York Times now is just creating that article to make it seem like, they are holding the press because the CIA yeah because the CIA is coming in

because that's not how the New York Times works and that's not how their editorial board works but also because the CIA basically is now that all these agencies are scrambling you got Congress going what the fuck is going on you got people on the Senate Intelligence Committee

having a talk they're all like what's going on here what happened who's fucking doing this yeah what else you got chin tough time man it's why you got to take care of your life do you guys watch basketball

ball? Yes. I don't really know but this guy Andrew Bougt, Boggott? That's what he said, yes.

Bogot. Bogots. Yeah, I guess he just She does know. She knows more than me for sure. He just joined the Cavaliers and he played less than a minute.

He's on the Warriors last year if you remember. I don't. Okay. Sure does. Yeah. Number one draft pick out of Utah,

Australian bird. Carry on. So he was playing for less than one minute and he already broke his leg and he's out. Hey, I want to try that. Oh, God! Like, and then they pay him all this money.

Yeah. My buddy was... That sucks, man, because the calves, I know no one here watches fucking sports, a bunch of bitches. That's what's wrong with America. Speaking from the beginning. I watch some times with stuff in the evening. I watch a little bit of highlights. Okay, that doesn't count.

So with Bogia, what sucks is they were going to be a real threat, you know, the calves having him now. That had been huge in the place. That white dude laying on the ground was going to be a threat, bro? Yeah. I do not believe this, dude. They're number one picking the NBA. My buddy's senior year high school football. So excited going, woo!

He was one of those guys that'd get embarrassed to be back. Woo! Let's go! And it was practice. It was first day of practice. He was going to be sick. Let's do it. He was like a leader of the team trying to take on a leadership role.

And he goes, let's go. And he starts running backwards. He just starts running. He goes, good dick. And pulls him around his knees. Fuck. Missed the whole season. No whole season like that.

I remember talking him down from him. He's crying. I'm like, I'm sure it'd be a girl. He's not going to be able. Okay, dude, I tore my knee. It's not a current event, but something good to talk about. Tim T. Right now, the game might be able to start at 10 a.m.

That's awesome. He's in the starting lineup for the Mets, the first day of spring ball. He's the D.H. He's with David Wright of the real Mets. Wow. And they're playing the Red So, they're playing the Red Sox. He's going against the Cy Young winner. Just so, oh, here's the big leagues.

You're going, it's the best pitcher in the world. But he got called up to the majors? Yeah. That's a huge deal. It's spring ball. It's not, you know, it's not the real, real leagues. But still, it's a big deal. And you know they had a

During their spring practice They had a home run contest All the big leaguers He won it Wow What Last thing I checked My brother was watching

He texted me He struck out his first step Good It's against a Cy Young award winner So Yeah It's pretty fucking cool though What an amazing

Hebo was six and eight Or eight and six I think is a starter In the NFL Yes And nobody ever gave him any credit for that Like sure the dude Is throwing for Christ

Right That's fine Yeah I don't But the dude was eight and six Yeah Like he's better What a bunch of playoff games? Yes.

Yeah. So I just thought he should have got more of a chance. I feel like the media beat him down and maybe he did it to himself. He didn't do it to himself because he didn't ask for all that attention. It's double-edged sword, right? Because he's bigger than the game of football. He really is. So he comes with all this mark in publicity anywhere he goes and teams just didn't want to deal with it.

You know, there's like fuck man. And he's the last virgin, isn't he? It's like Tom Cruise, you know? It's a beast. He's the last virgin out there in America. Probably last version. beautiful man there's 11 year old kids we're like this dude's a virgin

and let me clear this up because I get this a lot of my social media like how are you going to give CM Punk shit for going to the UFC and being on the main card but you don't give Tim Tebow shit so let's just stop all that there that's cute because remember CM Punk doesn't come from any professional sport background

WWE doesn't work to make that comparison if you want to do a debate I'm totally down whenever you see me out the better comparison would be Brock Lesner who comes from a legit collegiate sports background who was a national champion wrestler, yes, and then

went WWE and then tried out for the NFL, didn't make a team. That would be a better comparison. Then you do CM Punk has no sports history in his life. So you can't call him the CM Punk of baseball. But he has a huge background. Tim was a big time baseball player too, right?

In high school. Yeah. Yeah, it's been a long time. It's been a long time, but he's also a Heisman Award winner, one of the best college football players all time. Ridiculous. A good NFL player, you know, but does have a history in baseball where he's drafted. And half of baseball is throwing, catching and throwing, and he's really good at throwing. Being out there probably looks nice and uniform.

We're in a cross on your neck, a small cross on the chain. So he's a D.HB, so his power's not throwing in the field. Okay, so he's designated hit. Yeah, yeah. Let's leave the sports talk, fellas. What else you got a chain? But isn't he, isn't he in the field or is he only? He'd be a D.

So he's only a D. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, I didn't know that. Wow. He's not playing for a second or third base or any of that stuff. Well, he played center field and I think in the winner league. But today, the big times that he's doing, he's just a D.H.

He would be a D.H if you got called up to the big league. It's kind of like when he jumped into your dream just to bang, you know? Just to jump on that train. It was Tim Tebow and. He tried to jump in there. Double welding? You got double welding? Is that what it was?

Welding the caboose. Welding the caboose, dude. You got a drop in knowledge, brother? Yeah, I just wanted to quickly, I've been reading the Constitution lately. And I know you get a little tired of this, but it's important. It's a fucking document that we benefit from every day. Yeah, please. Real quick question. Trivia question. It's okay if you don't know. What's the First Amendment? Anybody?

Freedom of speech. No, freedom. Yeah, freedom of speech. Well done. Freedom of speech. Freedom to assemble. Freedom of the press. Okay. And ready? What's the last one? The freedom to petition your government, which means you're allowed to demonstrate March, hold signs up. And so that's what we're having today. We are having an exercise of the First Amendment. And how many amendments? amendments and the Constitution, everybody? 40? 27. Close, though. Not bad. That was very close. What's another word for the amendments? I thought it was more than that.

What's another word for the amendment? What's another phrase for the amendments? Bill rights. Thank you. Thank you. Chin! Hey, do you remember that? The Bill of Rights.

Was the cartoon, the Bill of Rights? Remember that bill? Yeah, yeah. Someday I will be a bill. No, what was that? I'm getting, I'm a do dundoo. Yeah, it's something like that. He was the actual bill.

But it's funny how none of us, like, Like, we all got to brush up on our civics classes, man. Just know how your government works. It's pretty helpful. And know what the Constitution says. It's kind of important. You're right, actually. I feel ignorant in here.

Me too. Separation of powers. Separation of powers. Separation of powers. Three branches of government. Legislative, which is what? That's Congress, by Cameral Congress, right? We got two houses. We got the executive.

What's the executive? The White House. And what's the third one? Brendan? Come on. Do you do, you did, I didn't have this with judicial. Judicial. Thank you.

I missed your first part of us. The Supreme Court, the federal courts, the district courts. Come on, Theo. God damn it. It's judicial. But so they all work to balance each other out, right? You can't make a move without the other one a lot of times. Teamwork makes a dream work, man. I'm just saying that...

But it also keeps government sluggish and slow, which is what the founding fathers want. They want it as slow, cumbersome government. They don't want fast. We want us in the mud so we can buy these Atari's and everything. Who are the wise men? Who are the wise men? Who are they? So the house is closer to the people. You drop knowledge over, sir.

Let's kind of save that for mixed mental arts. Who brought MIR to the frickin baby born? I can understand dropping a little F cents, some gold, but some dude bought MIR. What's the old as you have to be to be a congressman? President's 48, right? Or is it 52? Am I wrong in those? Do you not know?

No, no, no. Yeah, I think it's 35. No way. Look that up. Well, for a senator, you have to be at least 30. I said president. Right. Senator, you have to be 30.

You said, what's for president, though? Congressman, don't tell me yet. Don't tell me. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Congressman, you have to be, so for a congressman, you have to be 25 or older. For a senator, you have to be 30 or older. And I'm going to say, for president, you've got to be at least 35.

I thought it was 45 or over. I'm going to say 35. I'm going to say 45. I thought it was. What's the? 40. Hold on. Hold on.

Doesn't give us an actual age? Well, you can definitely find it change. Just go. minimum age for U.S. President. You might know more about our Constitution, but I'm definitely better surfing the web. There it is right there.

Yeah, I'm right. 35, 35. At least 30, man, you can be 35. Yeah. What is the age for the Ku Klux Klan? What's the age of the Ku Klux Klan? Do you know? Average age?

Probably, I don't know. They're probably in their 40s. That's my guess. Fucking a bunch of disgruntled. Membership requirements. This is great, dude. Membership requirements. Got to be white.

Got to be white as shit. You must be a white male or female. Free white, you must be a free white male or female of European descent at least 18 years of age. Faith to Jesus Christ. You must be a Protestant, not Catholic. Damn, able to profess faith in Jesus. Under no circumstances will accept any associated with homosexuals, atheists. Yeah, atheists, mentally insane, which we all are.

But if you come in here, speak in that, you must not be married to date other people of other races, nor have mixed race dependents. Hey, check this one out. We definitely will not accept. except any person who's been convicted of treason or espionage against the United States. Can't be on probation or parole. You're not free men. And, uh,

on being a hate group. It's a misconist that we are so-called hate group, no matter, no member of the Ku Kluxman mindlessly hates other races. You can't even be on parole. I mean, we're basically biblical correct separaties. Fuck, man. I got a bunch of parking tickets.

I'm trying to join the fucking club. You won't let me out because I fucking parked wrong. Didn't pay my bill. Two-term Trump, let me in At least they're upstanding, you know I agree, at least they have some standards, yeah Not like that girl off Snapchat, you see Full circle

Oh God, dude I can't imagine looking at Arcema and not liking her Because she's... That's because you're not racist, sir Because she's got fucking caramel skin Like I'll take her skin over anybody's skin in this Yeah, let's relax with those business socks hidden on our intern I'm just saying, I can we find your iTunes special, brother

You can find it on iTunes It's called 30 pound bag of hamster bones And then also, if you want to check me out, I'm going to be at Comedy Club on State, March 23rd through 25th. You took my spot. I was supposed to be there. That was you? Yep. Thank you for that.

I just got the call last night. I'm not going to be in Madison because I got to shoot my pilot. Wow, but your fans can still come out and I'll do a little bit of your act. Go see Theo, by the way. So you're in Madison, Wisconsin? I'd rather see Theo. What was the dates? Madison, Wisconsin, March 23rd through 25th.

And they can get those tickets where? 2017. You can get them on the internet. That's a very worthwhile replacement. You will laugh harder. He's one of the best. Top five to me. No question.

Top five right now floating around. It's a 100% true. Get the special on iTunes, 30 pound bags of answer bones. Yeah, we felt on a number two spot, but maybe we'll get it back. But if not, even for just a moment, we got to be number one. That's huge, man. That's tough to do. People don't realize how tough it is to jump those rankings on iTunes.

It's nice. I never thought I would ever, ever think that. You know, stories from growing up would be. I love it, man. We'll be listening to them. I love it. Nothing but continued success. My brother.

Same for you guys. Thanks for chatting. me and talking about the lead. Sorry, I came in here a little bummed out. That's all good, man. Great. By the way, come seeing me. End of the month, American Comedy Club in San Diego. Fun. Yeah. For those tickets, T-FactK.com, then April 8th, April 9th, Washington, D.C., Philadelphia.

Get tickets right now. Both those bitches are almost sold out. And then we are in Austin, April 20th through the 22nd. Two shows, get tickets right now. That's the Moon Tower Comedy Festival in Austin. Texas. Awesome. I forgot those things just went on sale. Get those as well.

And then the Big Brown breakdown is live. La Jolla, basically San Diego, T-FaK.com, the comedy store in La Jolla, San Diego, come get you some. Yeah. This is The Final Kid with Deo Vaughan. We're out.