The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 265 Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: February 1, 2026

Chris D'Elia sits down with Brendan and Bryan to discuss his TFATK spinoff and desire to start a cult. Chris gets froggy with Bryan while Bryan threatens Brendan with busyness and the guys talk public shaming, awkward fan interactions and much more, enjoy.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men can withstand my punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onet's... studios in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live.

No, no, we're not live. It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. We're not live. We don't do live, man. And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shut up.

This is not live. It's not live. I'll send you some JPEs. No, I don't take headshots. You got headshots? No. Yeah. Look, Chris doesn't need headshots.

And I want to just put something to rest here. There has been, when I do a lot of stand-up, you know, I've been doing it a long time. Sure. And there's this whole fucking thing where people go, they see you. And this kid reminds us of Brian Callum before he became, you know, the master that he is. And it's funny because I know I've been a huge influence on you because he used to open. We used to feature for it. And so I've been a big, big, well, just my physicality.

And then here you are, here you come, kind of bending around and jumping around. No, no. I don't think so. So I want to say that you have found your own. Like the other day, I watched your stand-up. You're being condescending. Nope, I'm ready to hear it say this for the first time. Okay.

You're actually, you've actually sprouted wings. You've actually grown all your feathers. He's doing his thing. Oh, do not say. Do not say that. And so I don't want anybody else to say that you are like, you are my product. Okay, nobody's saying that? You wanted to get out of that shadow.

No. And you're falling victim. It's like you're Joe Montana. He's Steve Young. No. No. Get out of his shadow. You've grown.

your full set of mature wings, get out there and fly. Here's the deal. When you say that, and then you suck him into it as well, and he's like, oh, yeah, you're saying about the, and don't do the quarterback comparison thing. It's not like that. What do you mean? What I'm saying is, I never knew who you were. What?

Wow. Until years after I started staying up. Whoa. You're playing in coffee shops. You understand? And what I did is, he clipsed you. Whoa. And that's okay.

And that's okay. What's the, don't say, it's okay. But people started to be like, who's that guy on Christalia's Instagram sometimes? You know what? Can I do another football reference? Okay. He's Drew Bletzo. You're Tom Brady.

It is like that. It is more like that. It's not like that. And just because you're making your voice lower. No, because I'm getting serious now. No, you're not getting serious. Listen up. Listen up.

Oh, no. And I know what you're saying that, but I don't like what you're saying. But, dude, can I tell you guys something? Honestly, I, this is the craziest thing, but for months now. I've been driving around and, like, the other day, like, I would drive, I was working on the street the other day and some guy drives by and he says, why? And I'm like, what? And he's driving, right?

He just drives by, right? Off sunset, I was on sunset boulevard. And I get a coffee, I get a coffee at the coffee bean the other day. And the guy's like, you want me to put down your name for the drink? And he says, or should I just put it under why? And I was like, what? Okay, hold on. He's like, no, just kidding, Chris.

And I was like, okay, sure. And then so he's like, you can miss me off this story? No, no, no, it's not. It's just a fucking hilarious and a weird, interesting story. So I was at a meeting the other day, and I sit down and the guy goes,

hey, Chris, why? And but he looked at me and I was like, I don't understand what you're saying. And he was like, never mind. Anyway, you know I've been going to therapy a lot, right? So I say to my therapist, I'm telling her this. I'm telling her this.

I don't understand why people are saying why. It's got made a joke about putting why on the coffee cup. And she says, and she says, and this is what we came to work on. You better be careful. No, I know, no, no, I know. I know. I know. She said maybe they're wondering why you would do the fighter and the kid.

You know, man. You don't start our show. You're the purpose of that? Yeah, she said, she said, because it doesn't help your career. And I, and I. We got over 10 million downloads. Does it matter? Yeah, it does.

But Chris, but it's so weird because then your age and called me and they were saying how grateful they are because they go, hey man, listen. They go, listen, Chris is doing a stand-up thing. He's trying to get in this podcast world. We know you're the podcast kings. We'd love for you to have them on. You do a congratulations. Yeah, I do a podcast called congratulations. Look at this screenshot I took for you.

These are videos of me on the. As YouTube, though. Why does it say millions? Hey, bro, but that tells nothing to do with podcasts. Hits. All right. You're not, you're not going to sit here

and talk about how you're bigger than this podcast. We don't care about that. Stop beating. Why say it? Hey, B, can I be honest? I'll physically come out of you.

Hey, B, can I be honest? Yeah. I feel like Chris has changed since Snapchat went away. Hey, hey, look at me. Because you were kind of,

oh, you know what? You were kind of a Vine star? No, no. You're a Vine star? No, I don't know. You like Instagram famous? Famous in six seconds. No, you're really good at Vine.

Like, Vine's your shit. No, don't say it. went to a minute. Nah. You know what happened was, dude? You fell off a little. Do you know what happened was? You're getting six seconds.

No matter what app comes out, I'm mastering. Okay, okay. Don't act like you lost something. Like you lost your keys. No, no. Don't act confused. Thank God I'm not on Tinder.

All right. Imagine what happened. Finish your sentences. Finish your fucking sentences. Wait, let's switch gears. Because one thing that's really, bothering me but I noticed this story behind it. I need to hear about it.

You have no hair on your forearms. Now, explain why. Had to take it off. I know. I actually don't know if I can technically talk about it, but what I can say is had to do it for a part. For a movie to movie. Yeah, but I don't think I can talk about what the part was. Can we just say it?

No, I don't think so. But we know it's not like a comic role. No, it's a drama. It's a drama. Yeah. So you're actually having to dig deep and get on cartoon-like. And no, you're being condescending. You're being very condescending. But the stand-up is like, broad strokes.

What I mean? Would you say as range? The people were coming up to me after. When people describe Chris, they don't go, range. No, no. There's not a lot of, what's the word? Lange. No, no, no.

People were coming up to me and they were like, what's going on behind your eyes? In the onset, they were like, what's going on behind your face? It's like your face is. the face for your face and what's behind that. They were like, because that's crazy what's going on. See, I really like the rock of comedy. Like anything you're going to do, you're Chris. Like, the rock's rock and everything.

Yeah, but yeah, okay. You Chris. No range. But this is going to open up doors. Okay. And when you get, if you become famous off this, like, if you become, don't say I'm more. More, use the word more in that sense.

Well, no, if you get like more like, if you jump off the vine. fame. No. What? If you become somebody that they want for serious, dramatic roar. More roles. Then what? Then what's going to happen to your...

You can get real mad. You're going to get bonched up. Don't? No, but like in your... Like, you can't help it. It's like a visceral thing. You're like, I don't want that. Chris, when you get a big role, do you hesitate to tell Brian?

I don't want to... You don't want her feeling? Listen to me. I've had my share. and I've turned my share down. Don't look like that's something. All right. Don't raise your eyebrow.

Okay, okay. They have a mind of its own, but... Okay. Don't... Don't do that. Okay, I know, yeah. Keep your eyebrows calm when you say it. Okay, okay, okay.

All right, don't fucking have your caterpillar pillars. Go crazy. All right, right. So I've turned rolls down. I've chosen to keep my career where it is. Right, because you like the private life. I have not fallen victim to the public embrace of celebrity. Oh, okay.

Because it keeps me focused, and I do what it is that I want to do. You stay humble, huh? I like the spin you're putting on it, yeah. No, I think it's a good thing. It's all about being positive. All right, now listen. What? You went to Toronto.

I hooked you up with my boy, Joel Gerson. Yeah, your bowl or your boy? Because he looked human to me. Hey, Chris, by the way, he keeps pushing this guy in everybody. Maybe you could put. This is the third pod. I guess in a row. He's brought this up. But I, yeah, that's true.

I have a question, no. Can you put cereal and milk in him? Or did you mean to say boy instead of bowl? You put apache? I mean, you know what? I'm going to actually FaceTime him later and see if there's any any lucky charms on him. Hey, you're being, all, you're being so disrespectful in this podcast and we haven't even fucking gotten into the meat of shit. Joel is my, now my friend Joel.

Revolution M.A. Yeah. I went to. I went to his class. And this is what I want to get to. And he's a great guy and he's my friend now. No, no, hold on. He's my friend first.

He's your friend. He's, I granted you an audience with him. Now, here's what I'm getting at, what bothers me. What, what? Is that you took a couple of classes with him at his school. And now you're asking Brendan where you can train here. Yeah, I need him to cut him up. Now, and I want to say something before we get into that.

I set him up, B. Okay. You set him up. Before we get into how you're going to train, I want you to know something. and I mean this so seriously and so sincerely. I'm going to say thank you beforehand. If I took a nap, a Rip Van Winkle nap. For five years, I woke up with my hair way too long, my nails way too long, and my fucking beard way too long.

And dehydrated. You think you got five years left? Hey, hey. That's the main question. Hold on. Okay. So they wait me up after my ripped van Winkle nap. You've been training.

I mean, training. Yeah. I mean, soaking your shirt and your shorts and you're under. every single fucking day. Right. You still being them up, B? You don't last one round, bro. One round with me.

You understand me? I'm talking about, I haven't even set my nails yet. I can't even make a fist. He did do jihitsu for quite some time. No, Chris did. I know he did for six years. And I want to say this, fuck you. What?

Fuck your fucking jujitsu. Okay, if you... So step to me when you're ready. Whose phone is that? That's not mine, dude. I turn my shit off. That's yours, brother. Dude, don't...

It's not mine. I don't like how you. You say, bro, after that, and that's your phone. You know why? Because you're fucking terrible with your phone. Nope. The worst of all times. My phone's on silent all times.

Because I keep things quiet. Right. Well. Although he's checking his text now. It's all right. Hey, oh shit, look who it is. Chris, I get you set up, though, bro. Thank you, man.

Where? Because I was doing... Unbreakable. Well, how is it you set him up and not me? Because... You know why, dude? What set up do you came with Wayne? Yeah.

Yeah. And also, you know what it is, dude? It's about, like, raw talent. I don't think he thinks you have that. Hey Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and check out our newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show. Only at BetMGM. Access to the Price's Right Fortune Pick is only available at BetMGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only.

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Unbreakable. Boom, boom, boom, boom in your fate. You know what I mean? Unbreakable, huh? What are you going to train? You're going to train MMA? In case you got to what? Put your hands on somebody?

What's up, motherfucker? Don't get jumpy. Whoa. Don't shoulder the mic away. What's up? If you feel Froggy leap, I'm ready. That's all? All right, Mowgli?

What? Mowgli from Jungle Book? Well, that's what Mowgli means frog. So why don't you be a little Mowgli in? Fucking leap. Huh? Uh-huh. Into the jaws this snake.

Dude, I don't like the... I don't like the animal references, man. Don't shish me, bro. That's fucking weird, dude. That's honestly very weird. You got a weird, man. Chris, when all... all of a sudden did you start to get healthy?

Because they be, I went to the last, I'm nowhere, I get these texts, bro, I got a trainer come to the house. I'm eating right. They're saying to me, fixed up with a shirt off. Yeah, I know. After a pump. You don't have a bad body at all. So why, when were you like, you know, I eat healthy now?

Because, you know why? You don't want to die? No, I got, I do squats. Your legs are terrible going. No, they're not. No, that's okay. I don't. I have, uh, I have, because I have.

I'm 37 and I just feel like, you know, I'm going to break down in the next eight years if I don't. It feels that way, right? When you're traveling doing theaters and stuff, for real, it's work, right? Up there? Is that what? Well, yeah, I mean, I just don't want to get fat. I mean, well, I mean, I don't think I really run that risk yet. Maybe like when I'm like 55.

I don't think. The one good thing about you is that you are very fucking consistent and disciplined. Yeah. For a guy who you wouldn't think you, if you decide to do it, you will show up every single day on time. like that. I would never guess that. I would never think I was like that. Like, when I first met you, I thought you had horrible drug addiction.

Yeah. And you were super on discipline. Yeah. Turns out you don't drink. You don't do drugs. You're super discipline. Although you have the attention span of a small pair. What's it?

What did you say? You never have. I don't understand. You never had. Sorry, I fell asleep. No, I totally seem like that. And I understand that. And I even kind of emote that.

But I, I'm so disciplined. Why is that? Where does that come from? Because your dad's very much that way. He is, yeah. I don't know, man. I, I, I... Is it the Italian work ethic? I don't know. I want to be... I want to be good at something.

And, like, I... Also, there's not many things I like. And when I find something I do like, I want to... And I don't look at it like, you know, I want to be better than other guys. I'm not competitive at all, like, in that way. I just want to be good for me. I want to be good, you know?

Like, when I did jiu-jitsu, I did it for six years, and I got to the point where, like, guys were, like, going to be doing tournaments and wanting to fucking... And I was like, I don't want to do this. You know what I mean? That rabbit hole. Yeah. It's my hobby, you know? And with stand-up, I turned my...

What I love into my career, and that's amazing for me because... But then, like, so I don't have a hobby, you know, really. Your brother said that you've, as long as he can remember, you've lived for one thing. Yeah. And that is to make people laugh. You just, that was your M.O. Always, man. Even in high school.

I know. Always. Just to be a silly fucking goose. Which is funny because you and I were talking about how, like, how stand-up for us we take seriously, right? And how there are so many guys that we see. And they've been doing stand-up for like 10 years, 12 years. And it's like, hey, bro, what are you doing? What are you doing?

You're just hanging around the comedy store. We won't say that guy's name, but before we were about to do a show, Brian goes, I hate watch. So it'd be the equivalent of when you're getting ready to fight. If someone showed you a guy getting knocked out nonstop. So Brian goes, hey, Brian goes, before you go up there, check this guy out. I'm standing up. And I went, I'm watching it.

And I'm like, his mouth fell open like he couldn't take it. Bro, this is so bad. He was, he's been doing it for 20 years. I'm like, holy shit. I went, you fucked up my fucking frame of mind. He really did screw you up. Yeah, I hate seeing that stuff. Well, the problem, well, the difference between like,

The reason why fighting is cool, one of the reasons is there's a winner and the best is the best. There's a winner in stand-up, though. Well, okay, true. You can be very successful and be considered the best, but you can be, I can hate somebody's comedy and they can still have a thriving career. Yeah, they're winning. Do you know what I mean? But they're still winning. Right.

The winning in comedy would be ticket sales, correct? I think for me it'd be just people laughing really hard too, right? Like, that's the real winning. Like, when you do stand up, no matter where you are, whoever the audience, and you crush rooms, that for a comic, especially if it's not the old bag of tricks. So anybody can come up with 20 minutes over the years and just keep doing the same. I've seen that, you know, over and over, I can never understand. But if you're always coming up with new shit and always doing that. Thank you.

You know, you find that immensely satisfying as opposed to selling out and stuff because of Lee. You know who you're out there? I hear you. I hear you. Yeah. Never mind. The other day we, you saw the Kathy Griffin stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Do you guys have any idea how successful she is? Do you have any clue how successful she is? Oh, yeah. She makes a lot of money.

I know, she's worth like 50, 60 million. Oh, I don't know that much. Did you know her tours are like all sold out? Yeah, no, I knew that. I knew that. Like an Academy Award for Comedy Special.

I don't know. Six specials nominated for Cammy Award. Not Academy Award. Oh, no. Emmys. Emmys, yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

yeah, Mama, ma monster. Well, Kathy's always been fucking hilarious. No, I know that, and she's fucking she, with that style that she does, I mean, she murders that style. You know what I mean? But it's not for everyone, is it? No. Well, Kathy, but again, Kathy, Kathy, somebody's been doing

improv, all bullshit aside. Kathy's been doing improv on a high level and working really hard at characters for literally 30 years more. Yeah, but isn't that interesting? Like, people, you know, because we said what she did like I was like I was like that's not funny it's not creative either I don't think it was I thought it was poor taste

Yeah and so and we got emails People like how are you to criticize sir I'm like well I can criticize Because that's not Look you said her standup is fun Like her stand up's good what she does she does very well Yeah She's very funny yeah

She's a monster nobody's saying she's not funny but We're not But like when when but for her to do that was just like wow Yeah and and it I don't think she was even trying to be funny really I don't know her like that Her defense was I'm a comic Well that is true

So then you're going Well then it's funny The way I look at it is this Kathy made a bad choice She said she was sorry She's paid a price So I don't think that we should I don't think that her career should be over

No of course you know CNN fired her sponsors dropped it But still She'll get it back But she took a serious hit Yeah I don't think she take it wise I don't think she takes a hit

I think it's bigger from it Maybe Maybe I actually think it was a smart play. I would never do something like that, but I actually think it was a smart play. Name one show that you can turn on right now. That's not talking about Kathy Clinton. And if you disagree with Trump, which the majority of America does, statistically, they're probably buying a ticket to a show now.

And she'll talk about it. She'll turn this whole thing into one hour. In a whole bit, how Trump's a bullying or all that. I think the only thing. She's already saying that. She's already saying all these rich white men, old white men are winning and beating me up. And it's like, right. And it's like, free speech.

And we're all like, well, and now look at us. And she goes, now I'm getting. bullied. I think that the only thing that, like, what she did was she made, she made liberals look bad, you know, she made, uh, and, and I, I, I've met her. I've worked with her. She's great, but, and, and I've made dumb as shit to, dude, I, I was somebody got, I, one of these days, years ago, for one day, I was the talk about how I fucking did something shit. I remember that.

What'd you do? I'll tell you in a second, but, uh, they, they, uh, you know, this stuff comes and it goes and it's fine and it feels like it's not a bad person no no no no she's great either she's a she's a she's a really funny and he's very and and you say shit and sometimes they take out of context and look look she did this photo shoot and she did the thing with the bloody trump head i can imagine you're there and you're like oh fucking and if the vibe is right you're like oh let's take a silly picture like this people are laughing by the way yeah yeah and then no one's have you seen the footage though no one's laughing she they do the picture it's very serious and she goes

the photographer, she goes, you know, I'm probably going to prison for this, and you're being in trouble too, and he goes, yeah, probably. Well, I didn't see the footage. She knew the way, because I actually think it was very calculated. I think it's a great PR move. Like you said, I would never do something to this extreme, but everyone's talking about her. But my point is, once you do something, once you say something, you, you only, you own it until then, you know?

And then when that happens, like, I got blasted to bring it back up, because as I tell you, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, that whole yes all women hashtag. Do you remember that? Yes. Yeah. It was basically... Basically, yeah, it was...

Remember that guy in Santa Barbara that shot up the bunch of people? Yeah, he was going to kill a whole sorority. Right. Well, no. But no, what happened was he killed a bunch of people, men and women. Yeah. And he put out a video early on before that obviously... He was the true alpha male and these women would see that he was...

Yeah. He was when he slaughtered them. And so then people took that. as a hate thing against women, and he killed all these women, which he killed a bunch of guys, too. I actually think he killed more guys than women. It was on the street. He couldn't get into the story. So they turned it in, and a bunch of women would tweet about it.

Now, and they said, yeah, you know, women would tweet stuff like, I was raped and that's not okay. Yes, all women. And that's horrible. And then some women would be like, I walked down the street and a guy cat called me, yes, all women. And I said on what I was not saying on on on this video that went viral was Women. This this isn't a problem for women. I was not saying that obviously that's horrible that that that happened.

Yeah, you're not you're not you're not you're not diminishing of course not a woman like suffering or Of course not. But what I was saying was this guy focusing on how this this guy is mentally ill. Yes. And that's the problem. It's not that he hated women. It's not that he's a guy. He's a mental ill.

It's not that he's a guy. And I was trying to explain it. Maybe I didn't do it so well. You're saying it's a bigger problem than just focus on women. Well, what? It's not man versus women. Right. It's not.

No, it's a human and this is a huge problem. And he killed men too. And maybe I didn't say it as... Yeah, you fucked up. Well, but... You said women's lives don't matter. No. But what happened was Huffington Post or whatever.

They took... They made the headline. They're the worst. comedian speaks out against yes all women. Not even people, people didn't even read the article. Have you seen their editorial board? Pull up the,

pull up the, pull up Huffington Post editorial board. So they played me, you know, which is fine. And honestly, I stand by what I said. And I was trying to make,

I was trying to be light and I was trying to be funny about it. When I wasn't even talking about it like this. I was trying to be funny about it. And people, and people just, slow news day. Yeah. Slow news day.

You put on your, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, my this? No, a picture. There's usually a picture of it. It's pretty interesting. Of Huffington Post?

I don't think we should give too much. Yeah, there's no reason to... I don't think we should give them any publicity. No, Havony Post has its own publicity. But anyway, anyway, it was because it was undatable was coming out. And so I got like, you know, I was promoting undatable.

Yeah, did it? Fuck it. Did it? Any publicity... You handled it. Well, I heard you how you kind of rebutted against... And that's the thing is that there's... You love women and dudes. But there's no, there's literally, there's literally very little wiggle room sometimes when a mob gets involved in one movement.

Well, you read the book. And when you buck against that movement, you're labeled, this is my problem with the progressive left, is that you're labeled all kinds of things that you're just not. You know, and you're not. But you're a move for debate or discussion. Your fan base who know you very well, and let's be real, there's a ton of them are like, what? Yeah, it's not like anyone, oh, Chris is a terrible person. No, no. So who doesn't know you might have been like, well.

But they can put a lot of preference. on sponsors, on people on your on your live. On the TV network. They'll put a lot of pressure on your spouse. Who is the guy who he was a CEO of a company? And he, I think he had voted against Prop 8, which was against gay marriage. You know, he's got his religious views or whatever. But let me tell you, man.

And, you know, this is in there right too. But Barbara Streisand and who has a gay son and obviously a very emotional issue with a huge gay fan base. But Barbara Streisand and a lot of other people did a whole bunch, created a whole bunch, created a whole bunch a noise and he didn't get the job. Oh, those people, they'll shut down your business. So it becomes, you know, and that's again, that's in their right. And, and, you know, it's, it's a hundred, remember back not too long ago, if you were gay, you didn't get a job. Right, right. If you were gay, you got fired. So this is all kind of like comes back to the pendulum swinging, swinging one way or another,

but you bounce back. You got to be, it's, it's today, in today's world, you have to be very careful. Well, John Ronson's in the book, so you've been publicly ashamed? Have you read it? No. I mean, it talks all about this and how bad it is to publicly shame somebody and how, like, a lot of the people who get publicly shamed end up committing suicide. Dude, have you seen, I was reading this article on, she was the playmate two years ago, complete dime piece. But she was in the gym. And she goes, I can't unseen what I've seen.

And it shows like an older lady out of shade. She took a picture of her. She blasted that out. She lost everything. And matter of fact, she's getting sued. now. Well, she should be sued. That's really, yeah. She had to go into hiding because now she's getting death threats. That's not okay. That's not okay.

Now she's getting bullied. She's supposed to the woman's image. Yes. Her body. So she got banned for the gym for life. That woman's taken to court. She should. She had to go live with her parents and she's in hiding now because she's getting death threat. You need to be. That's too much. Yeah. Now she's getting bullied.

You need to. So now that mob goes, that's not fair to do that. And then you do it to you guys are doing what she did. I know. So how do you better? And I think to piggyback on what you're saying is that people will make mistakes, people will bully. Does that mean their whole life for the rest of their life should be ruined? No, of course not. Every one of those other girls just made a terrible mistake. Nowadays, you can see it, though.

Nowadays, you could pay for it for the rest of your life as in you can never get a job again. Because they go, oh, you were that girl, and you got that scarlet letter on. Have you heard of the sports broadcaster who you had a thriving career for 30 years? And then there's a black running back. He just messed up. Give me the Greek. Jesus, look at that a little monkey run. Meaning like...

And he didn't even mean... Not at all. You're listening to the context? Yeah. Got fired. It's such a... Jimmy the Greek was a different guy. I don't know, Jimmy the Greek.

I don't know who Jimmy the Greek. I mean, such a... Because he was like bouncing around. He just fucked up because, you know, he referenced an animal, but it was a black game, he said monkey. But he listened to the context. I don't know who Jimmy the Greek is. But...

Yeah. Bring up people that... Very famous... You guys were very too young. He was the first kind of famous guy to say... I am so young. To say... something to the effect of black guys are,

he talked about how slavery has slay, how slavery, I can't remember the exact thing, but how slavery had, how, how the strongest woman and strongest man were forced to bread and breed and that's why that guy could run. Well, there's no room for that.

Wait, they said that on, Jimmy the Greek said. Well, he should be fired for sure. It was like, no, this guy is like, um, no, this guy just made an athletic play and he goes, Jesus, look that monkey, like, because he was like spinning and like doing this thing. And it just happened to be a.

black. My buddy, my buddy was black goes like this one, Jimmy the Greek and he goes like and he was built like just a brick

shit house and great running back and he goes he's listening they're talking about and he goes like this we're all looking at him and he goes he looks like it's true

holy shit we're expecting that's so this live? No it was a huge news back in the day got it got it got it in 1985 oh okay cool

yeah yeah yeah wow that's that's fucking crazy yeah Yeah. You're going to watch for peace and cues.

But I also feel like there's a lot of guys, like you listen to Howard Stern, guys who don't try to please everyone, usually come out on top. Yeah. Guys who are like, I'm so scared to say anything. I'm just going to ride the fence and not stand for anything. They don't make it in entertainment and radio. Well, let's be honest. I can't stand those guys.

Let's be honest. There are certain truths. There are certain truths that a lot of different kinds of things that are very uncomfortable to talk about or to really bring up publicly. But I think if you have an opinion, like Howard Stern's, but not even back it up, if that's what you, like, at the time, if that's what you believe, you know, and you want to talk about it. Howard Stern on, I remember, never forgot, he said,

Magic Johns was back playing basketball in, you know, after he had HIV. And he goes, I'm going to say what everybody's thinking, and nobody wants to say. No guy wants to get and wants to play with him because they're afraid they're going to catch something because he might bleed on him or even sweat on him or snot on him. That's the reality of sports And the fact the matter is those guys are allowed to feel that way Because it's fucking scary

Because I don't know Right We didn't know that much about how Yeah, okay The scientific consensus said you had to have sex Or you had to have a blood transfusion Fuck you man You're you're a bad person

Fuck you But now you have HIV What's the lead you have a lesion Well I'm getting worse too This guy beat me up No I did not Brian tried bullying me

You tried bullying me Because the video starts too late, you could have been the fucking asshole. So what happened? He was the asshole. I was there, enjoy my afternoon, and he keeps pushing me, push me. I go, dude, leave me alone. Yeah, like, he keeps pushing me. We're in the Rogan's studio.

He keeps slapping me in the face. He goes, dude, I'm telling you, quick fucking me. I kept saying it's Rough House Sunday. Now we have shirts called Rough House Sunday. Yeah, it's Rough House Sunday, bro. And then he goes, then he took his wallet out, took his watch off, and started to come out of me, and I realized, uh-oh, the bear's angry. And then I tried to back out of it.

And he goes, it was your idea. It was roughhouse Sunday. and then the flying chimora was what threw my head. See, it's just a rugburn, but then I don't know why it looks like you have SARS. Because you took all the skin off my head. Now, let me ask you a question. This is the important part. Yeah.

Did you learn your lesson? Thank you. You know, because life is about growth, right? About change, growth, and learn your lesson. Can I be honest with you? Because we're doing a fight campaign mom. Can I be honest with you? I didn't use anything against him.

Like I kind of balled up as opposed to actually use it. the things that I know. So you think if you use the things you know would have went way different? I'm going to say this. Okay. You don't have to always prep what you're going to say with. I'm going to say this.

You could just say it. We're all listening. But ask me the question again, and I'm only going to answer it this way. I don't mean any. Please be serious. I'm going to be dead serious. You know that I don't fuck around

when I talk about this kind of stuff. Yeah. I want to know the truth. You do train now. I know. And I'm, you know, I got. Ask me again. You have more experience on the mat than Brian does.

I do. I do. I do. Oh, no. Jiu-jitsu, he does? No, he does. Six years? Yeah, I do.

No. Yeah, I do. You told me train for two at Henzel. It's nothing. But then I train of street sports, Beverly Hills Jitsu, dude. I'm very comfortable on the mat. Okay, don't put your thumb at you. Overall, six years.

That's fine, but. Very confident. And I hate to drag this out, but it's nothing. It's nothing. I'm going to agree with Chris. Ask me the question again. You think if you use your knowledge on, fighting and defending yourself that you think with Brendan, if you did that instead of what you

did, that it would have went way different? I would have kept him busy. Right. I think he would have, I think he might maybe would have consumed you. Like, like, like, ate you and fucked you just for fun. Fun? Not even, he didn't even want it. It would just be like, I got it.

Hey, B, you do it again. I told you what's going to happen. I'm going to grab the here you have left on top of your scalp and rip it off. That's interesting. He can be busy. I don't know how busy he's going to be.

Because you don't know what I got. I don't know what you got. You're right. That's the way you understand that, right? So understand one thing. He's a fucking killer. And he is a beast. Okay.

You're busy. Busy. Dude. Okay. All right, man. That's all I am. That's all. Did I say any?

That's all you can do, man. I say anything. No, I guess you didn't threaten them or anything. Nope. It's all good. All right, we get it. I'll tell you he's going to be busy as Chris at this new gym. I'm going to be real busy.

I want to say this to you, bro. I'm going to come to that gym. Good. And I'm going to use your head to control your posture. I'm going to grab that hair and I'm going to pull you down. No. Don't blink like that. And I'm going to throw my legs around your fucking your body and neck.

Chris, do you put your hair in a pony tail? You have to. Don't do that, dude. I have to. I don't want to. I don't want to. I don't want to. My hair's getting long, so I have to wear a hat.

But now I got a handle, brother. Now I got a handle, brother. Hey, man. Now I got a handle, brother. All right, I heard you. Remember chemo? Way back in the day, with Moist Gracie grabbed him on that stupid fucking ponytail.

Threw him in the old. That's what I'm going to do to you. Dude. So you're Royce Gracie, he's chemo now? That's right. Wow. Yeah. That's what happens to you, bro.

That's not an actual term. But I'm going to throw you in the old. And then the. That's not a term, dude. Yeah, and then you go... No, I don't. I don't, I don't, I don't. That's the sound effect that goes on in our fucking...

I breathe, control my breathing. I want to fucking... I want to... I want you to come to the class. Oh, dude, when I get you in a body lock, you poo a little bit. Wear your diapers. Wear your diapers.

Okay. Dude, don't... You have your tongue come out of your mouth and you say that. But I'm just saying, where you diaper? Okay, dude. Okay. Oh man, it would be so fun to do a class with you for real. We would have so much fun.

Would you guys or would you get nothing done because you guys are morons? Maybe. That's a problem. You guys get nothing. I can't be 50 working on. Any trainer I sent you if he goes, if I said, hey, I'm sending De Liam to count to you, he goes, oh, how are they? I'd say, it's going to be like wrangling cats.

It's going to be a nightmare. It's going to be a nightmare. Matter of fact, I'm not going to set this up. Forget I ever approached you. Wait, you, Rogan said that you are, like boxing and sparring, you're getting hit in the head. Sometimes.

That's a real bad idea for you. It's a bad idea. I find it embarrassing, to be honest. It gets him really angry. I mean, you know, well, okay, why does it get you angry? Not that it doesn't get me angry. I'd like to hear more about it, that's all. I just don't get why you want to get hit in the head, especially 50.

He won't even talk to me. He gets so mad. He's like, I'm not even talking to you about this. No, I want to. I'll ask him a question, like a technique question. He's like, I'm not, I'm not answering. I'm not talking to you. I get that.

I'd rather talk about the holidays. I get why he wouldn't want. I'd rather talk about it. It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. It's like when I, I remember I got embarrassed with him because I said, I said, should I get the plant protein or the weight protein in my smoothie? And he looks to me and goes, it doesn't matter, does it though? Yeah, fuck.

Well, I'll never ask fucking dumb questions like that. Hey. Now you can't, because you're on 50. Oh, yeah. You're not getting him the head. That's true. I could ask because I'm really young. You're 37, bro.

I'm very young. And you look 37, right? Do you know what I'm saying? Not to be a dick, but you know that, right? You look 37. You say it's every bit of 37? You are chock full. Your 37 cup is chalk full to the brim.

You're spilling over. Like if someone told me he's 40, I'd like, that makes sense. Of course you would. You'd say, of course you're 40. So you think the day I turn 38, how old will I look? I'll tell you this. I don't, yeah, when you're, 38 the day you turn 38, you'll look

38 on the dash. When's your birthday? Like it's a bad thing. I'm just saying it. And it is, the way you're saying it is a bad thing. And it's making me angry. I don't turn 38 for a long time. I just turned 37. But you got to stop saying that. No, no, I know. But you could mule, you could mule drugs in those fucking eyelids. You could mule drugs in those saggy

those bags under your eyes. Man. All right? Oh, no. You're making me sad. I know. And don't cut your hair because there goes that career. No, dude. I'm a comedian.

It's fine. You have a better chance to do a meth every day. That'll be less detrimental to your career. I probably have to fucking cut my hair soon. Do some kind of fucking cool part probably. Okay. Some people probably... Don't look like you're all...

Ask me to do some fucking... You're dragging. What's... Stop throwing your phone. Why, for a guy who's been on his phone all the time? Do you have such a small phone? Why don't you have a big phone like mine, an ample phone? Dude.

That piss me off. A terrible question. That's a dumb fucking question. It's a dumb question. It's a dumb question. You fucking get so many hits and shit and you ask shit like that. That was bad, Chris. That was bad.

I just thought you... Bro, I want the fucking small one. Okay. Next question. Okay. Here's another question. I'll change the subject. All right.

Now, you're a guy who acts in movies and TV. He's a podcaster now, B. You're a podcaster. Besides this, obviously, is your favorite podcast. What's your favorite movie of the year? You know what? What are you doing? I'm going to go get a drink.

You just keep asking these questions. You can go wait yourself down a little bit? Mm-hmm. Go wait yourself down. You've been dry since we started, huh? I'm not dry. I just have no energy. Since I created the spinoff podcast, congratulations, which is a spinoff from...

Well, yeah, we've been... your biggest influence. It's a spin-off. All right, well, okay? What do you talk on there? What do you mean spin-off? I'm taking what you guys do, and I'm running with it. And it's fine, but it's a spin-off. No, listen. All right, well, it's called you're welcome? It's called

congratulations. And did that take you 13 seconds to come up with the title, or did you put any effort into anything? I thought about a few, I thought about it for a little bit in me and then thought of congratulations, and I was like, that's perfect. I saw some fan got a tattoo of your podcast. Yep. You think you're Cool?

It's a Legion. Okay. Why do you call them babies? Because I don't know why. You go, hey, babies. I say, what's that? Babies? But they're, it's, I'm actually...

If you have all female fans, it's cool. No, fuck that. It's so cool if you're a dude and you're a baby. And I mean that. He calls them Delievers. Well, that's from Believers. But I'll tell you, I'll tell you, uh, right now, I'm honestly starting the podcast for two reasons. One is monetary, you know, my, make a mon.

You know, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, you know, it's, It's important for me to get Brinks trucks to back up into my garage. Okay. Do you understand? Oh, wow. To get off the podcast. To get Dunbar. Okay.

To just open up their, the back of their van and just tilt it up and just have loads of cash. Okay. Just siphon into my window. Okay. And the other one is because I'm genuinely trying to start a cult. Okay. Oh, wow. What are you going to do to your cult?

Are you going to be one of those? Is it going to be? be like where the girls have to service. Nobody's going to die. It's not a suicide. I know. I know. I want to start up, just say like that. But we're going to run into the woods and everyone's going to just listen to me and it's going to be a lot of drama

and heavy shit going on. That's so about you, though. Is it going to be, can guys join it as well? Guys can join it as well, yes. Well, what's the pre-west? But they have to always it's a, I mean, I'm 6-2, so I'm taller than most people, but

they can never, like, they can be told than me. I don't want to judge, but they always have to, you know, be under me. Oh, wow. That's so, that's so, that's so, it's all self-aggrandizement. You're, you're there. What do you talk about with them? Uh, daily it changes. It'll change. But I, it's starting with the podcast, so. But what do you're having a cult? So what would you guys do if they come to your cult and join your cult? What would their daily routine be? Well, it's a community, you know, and, and, and we, we harvest our, we're going to harvest our own vegetables and fruits and, and, uh, I mean, I'm not going to do any of it, but they're going to do all of that.

They're going to come to me for guidance in their life. And when I say something to them about what they should do, they're going to do it. Oh, man. It sounds like. Yeah, if they don't. I mean, they don't have to be in the cult. Yeah. I mean, I don't know what I'm going to call it yet.

Like, what do you talk about on your podcast? You don't have a co-host to bounce off. So it's just you talking to a mic? You think Bill Burr? I just fucking don't want to have to rely on anybody else because I know sometimes a lot of times the people are late. Don't push. And I don't want to have to split the money. You fucking little bitch boys.

Hey, hey, hey, boy. And I want to make all the money. And, um... You're so greedy, dude. You're so fucking greedy. Don't be so greedy. Look at you. You vacuum cleaner.

I talk about everything that goes on in my life and then in the fucking past week. You never have guests? Not yet. I mean, I might one day. But you don't have anything going on your life because you're on such a routine. Yeah, do you just talk about... Why is it so sick? Why do you and drink coffee?

Why to come out the gates? Why to come out the gates like this? Why do you? Why do you? Why did my podcast come out to gates like this? Hey, yeah! Why did it do that? Bro, but you just get on there and you talk about like stand up and then like Starbucks or?

Yeah, yeah. But yeah, and I know it sounds weird. It does sound weird. But why when it came out, it came out of the gates like this? Ah, yeah! Why did it do that? Ba-ba! Why did it do that?

What did it hit the charts you say like that? What's it doing now, though? Is it now? Is it, hmm? It's like that skill. Like that? Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

every now and then there's a gate and it's like, you know, it's wild. It's so annoying, but it does. How long do you talk for? No. One hour? Yeah. And it's you and your producer?

Just me, man. Do you bounce it off of him or not? I don't care. I'll just say what the fuck I want. Wow. Man, you do what you want when and how, huh? Yup. And people keep letting me.

And it's once a week? You can do that. It's once a week, yeah, dude. And you can do that in your life. Chris will do shit like this. Somebody will come up to us and start talking to us. And I'll, you'll, usually inevitably be a little bit crazy,

and even though they've been around, and he'll just like, just like they'll turn their head and he goes, question here is, what are you doing? Or the other day, the comedy story and me and him were talking, we're literally in the middle of conversation,

a guy comes between and he goes, hey man, hits both, and Chris goes, bro, you don't see this having a conversation? You guys like, oh yeah, he's like, get literally, you want to take picture?

I'm literally in the middle of conversation. The guy's like, yeah, he's like, well, I'll finish this, don't take picture. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, man, where's your manner? Yeah, you have to do that. Literally in a deep conversation guy just,

yeah, yeah, yeah. And I won't do that. But we're actually talking about something. You know what I mean? Like, but then, and then you'll be talking and you're just talking and having a conversation and then fucking, you know, you're like, yeah, yeah, too, good. Yeah, I don't know, you know, going through some shit in life and all that shit. And I just.

That one guy, you go, don't do that. Don't do that. Hey, man. Hey, man. You played in workaholics? Yeah, man. Oh. So anyway, yeah, it is rough. Exactly.

Chris, that's what happened. Some guys just hang in there and Chris goes, don't do that, man. Don't do that. What's up? What are you doing? I'll turn around and fucking scro. He goes, he goes, don't do that. Don't do that. What are you doing? The guy goes, you guys, you guys perform the night. Yeah, you were there. You saw you.

Right on. I love. I think they may panic because I'll ask you a question that they know the answer to, but they don't know what to say. It's like when I met Al Pacino and I go, I watched you with Scarface two days. go. I was 48. I was 48 or something like that. I was like, oh, I was like, oh no. And you know what he did? He goes, uh-oh. I was like, ah!

Ryan! Hey, what about when we saw? Ryan, you're a fucking idiot. B, what about when we saw Harrison, we're on the flat slot? Here's some Ford drives by and he rolls his window. He's in a Tesla and Brian goes. I get into a piece. And here's four like this.

I gave him the P sign. So, fuck, man. But people, it is funny that people don't know what to say. But like some girl came up to me at Starbucks the other day and she says, she says, hey, are you famous? And I said, not if you don't know who I am. Yeah. And she goes like this.

Oh, well. And I know she felt like an idiot. But like she made me feel like an idiot. Yeah, what you're supposed to say? One time, so, I've been, I did this thing, I did this thing on my podcast where I was talking about, or, no, I did it on Instagram where I was talking about rude boys and tings. And I would like, hey, look, I'm going to find tings and rude boys. And I did it because Drake came out with that album was talking about saying tings and rude boys. And a tings is a girl that, like, you, you fuck with and a rude boy is your buddy or something.

I don't know, I don't know, everyone knows what they are. But people in Toronto were coming up to him being like, hey, rude boy. You know, like, things. Like, it was happening multiple times a day. Oh, my God. So, but, and, and it's fine. But, you know, like, I had a lot of days off. So I'd be, like, sitting in a coffee shop, and people would, would literally pop their head

into a coffee shop and be like, hey, rude boy. And now, here's the deal. Okay. I know what they're, make shirts. What they're doing is they want to connect with me and they want me to know that they're a fan. Yes, yes. Which is awesome. That's awesome.

But what they don't realize that they're doing is everyone in the car. They don't know who I am. Okay. So when that guy pops in and says, hey, rude boy, everybody thinks, oh, now what is this? Yeah. Look to me for an explanation. Yes.

Okay. Yes. And that's stand up going, hey, rude boy is from. Yeah, exactly. And that's shitty. And that's fucked up for me to be in that situation. Yes. Okay.

So it happened a few times. So now I got to be like, ha, ha, ha. And instead of that, I did this twice now. This happened two different times. And the second time I said, I looked at the guy and I went like this. Ah! Okay? Like, huh?

Huh? And then I fucking deflected the uncomfortable shit to me right back to him. And he goes like this. And just left. And I was like, that's, he made his bed. Yes, yes, yes. I'm not the maid in this motherfucker. For me, what was

One of more embarrassing things was that nobody knew me on this plane and I sit down and I want to read this book but I'm sitting next to this guy who is not reading and I know he would love to strike up a conversation because you've got nothing else to do. I got my book and I don't want to talk to anybody because I want to read and sure

enough this guy sees me and he's like two rows ahead and he stops and he goes, oh shit. Oh no. And then he goes, this guy. And what I, in the hangover, I was like, look this guy. This guy.

So I go, oh, no, no, no. I go, hey, and he goes, actor. Oh. And I go, sometimes. And he goes, he goes, you guys know what this is? No. Yes. And no one knows.

Of course they don't. Nobody ever know. What? It's like, God, come on, man, hangover, you know. Oh, no. Dude, what are you doing? What are you fucking doing here? So I got so embarrassed.

I don't get embarrassed. I know. I don't get embarrassed because I wasn't famous. I don't get embarrassed because I wasn't famous enough for. them to be bothered. Everybody's, like, they're looking up, like, what are he talking about? So then, and then he's, he's asking me questions. But sure enough, guy next to me, that was it. You're an actor? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now I got to talk to him because I want to rude. Yeah, but that, but it's actually rude. People always want to tell you when that happens, like, oh, I don't even know who you are.

What are you? You know, and they don't realize that's like, this is like, this is the one. Should I know you? Like, someone take attention. They go, someone come with you. Should I know you? I'm like, I'm like, I got embarrassed by that. I'm always like, no, I guess not. I got, I got, I got. There were. people taking pictures of me and then you know when that happens people take pictures with you and then other people are like oh i should take a picture with them yes i've had that too and they don't know you are and they say can i get a picture with you and i go like this i've done this multiple times i say tell me who i am and they go uh what have i been in if they don't know i said you're not getting shit you are you know you can be mean it's not me it's not hilarious it's hilarious

See, I would laugh. It's not me. It's not me. It's the greatest. I love that. Maybe some people would think it's mean, but it's fucking... That's never happened to me. It's funny, though.

They know who I am. Oh. Oh, wow. God, Brian, you did the funniest thing one time, man, at the comedy store. My brother was there, too. And I remember it because of how hard he laughed and how funny it was. But we were with a bunch of guys and girl. I mean, you know, it was just outside on the patio.

And I don't even know who they were. But there were probably people, like, only kind of knew. But you walked up. And I was like, and I was like, like, oh, look, Brian's here. And you grabbed, you grabbed three of the girls and guys around, and you just, like, posed with them.

Like, you're like, you know, like, ready to take the pick. And they weren't asking for a picture. But you just did it. And it was so funny because, like, they didn't. I just assume. Yeah. And they didn't know what to do. And it was so funny, man.

Yeah, because I think I was like, sure, sure. Yeah. So funny. but you just literally grabbed them and took them in. It was really funny. Springsteen did that to me backstage. It was backstage and I was looking at him and he was taking pictures of my hero. And I wanted to ask him for a picture so badly, but I didn't want to be that guy.

And he could see by my body lines. I was standing there staring at him like that. And he goes, come on. Let's do it. And I was like, oh, fuck. When I was, before I was fighting, I went to UFC Expo and waiting this long-ass line to get everyone's autograph. And I only want. You did?

Yeah, I only want this one guy's eye. autograph but you have to go through he was the last one i think it was like chuckledo so on it and it went wanderlay silver josh cost check i really didn't want his autograph i just wanted fucking wanderlays and the last guy chuckled else yeah so i waited this line for two hours i'm like how my god i don't see you doing that brother yeah so i waited i was super young and i so i wait in this line get to the front i get wanderleys spells my name wrong he spells it brandon i try explain it to him he's like i just move on i see cost check but it's awkward i don't want his autograph i was just like whatever he goes, how you doing, man?

He goes, and he just signs my shirt. Just ruin my shirt. Goes, how you doing, brother? I'm all, God damn it. And then I just take that and then just go get my autograph. Never wore that shirt again. That's funny. But he just assumed since I was right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's like, good to see you a little brother. I was like, mother. Thanks, bro. Had you been training at all? What if he was in a suit? That would have been the best if he was in a suit with a tie and he just fucking. I had like on one of those bullshit affliction shirt, you know, the tap out.

You can even tell. There were too many fucking. I was like, God. I always love it. and people are really excited to see. Like, I find it awesome. Oh. It's so great.

Oh, I know. Yeah, it's awesome. Especially with this podcasting shit because they listen to you all the time. Yeah. It is cool, man. Maybe, should we go to current events? Yeah.

Sure. I love current events. You want to get your coffee or anything? You good? Yeah, let's get a coffee. You want coffee? Take a quick. Do you have to take a pee?

Well, you take a break? I don't get it. Yeah, we can take breaks. Let's take a peevee. And then what? And then we come back into current events, Jen. You have some current events, Jen? I do.

So the first one is this just happened right now in Germany. Jesus Christ. 80,000 fans had to leave a music festival because of a terrorist threat. That's the biggest pain in the ass. It's like, fuck you guys. But I don't know how they judge what's worthy of. They said the police were just, the police hit up the place and said, you guys have to leave. There's a real threat.

There must been a legit threat. No, no, I understand. I just, I mean, I'm. Obviously, I know nothing about it. I just wonder what constitutes a legit threat versus... They get threats all the time. Yeah, all the time, but there's ones that are like super legit where they know they're actually carried out.

They've been doing it for so long. They know, you know how it goes to be. The intelligence knows when something's like a legit threat or someone just like making kind of a hypothetical threat. If they got 80,000 people to cancel this concert, it's super legit. That's legit. 80,000 people.

Think about that. Super, super, super legit. Wow. Jesus Christ. But nothing happened, right? No, nothing happened. Wow. So it just happened right now, though.

Better to evacuate than have somebody, you know. You know, Ariani just went to Manchester to do another concert. Yeah. So I'm guessing this is going to affect that as well. Well, no, because the thing about that is if her going back to Manchester, security is going to be so high. So it's super tight. The terrorists aren't. They're like, no, we get that.

We're just going to go over to Germany. It was 80,000 people. They're not thinking about it. But I'm guessing she's going to be freaking out. Like, they just have. had a huge threat. Yeah, definitely. Man, that's...

Well, and then the tickets are high, right? Yeah, it sold out like in six minutes. Wow. An enormous, I mean... Well, it's like, it's Ariane Grande, it's Beaver, it's Katie Perry, it's a cold play. Well, why are they only publicizing her? Because she's the one who... She's the one that was in the terrorist attack, right?

Yeah. Fuck, man, that's crazy. Wow. He set it off after the show, actually. No, he set it. off after she left the stage. Right. But everyone's still there.

Yes, that's what I mean. Yeah. Fuck. God, man. What else do you are doing? All right, this is also a bad one. But yesterday, two Texas bounty hunters found this guy who's only, like, in trouble for drug charges, but they found him inside a Nissan dealership, and they were about to arrest him.

And I'll play the video. It's pretty crazy. So someone inside the dealership actually had a cell phone running at this exact time. These are the bounty hunters right here. Is it dog the bounty hunter? It looks like him. No. And that's the...

That's a lot of... Did they shoot that guy? Yeah, so the guy had a gun on him. So when they're taking him down, he tried to shoot, and they both shot at him. All three of them died. It was like 20 shots in six seconds. God. All three of them got killed.

All three of them. No one inside the dealership, but those guys, the bounty hunters and the guy. Let me see that again. That's crazy. That's the problem with people having guns who don't know how to use it. Yeah, man. Awesome. How everyone's like, everyone should have guns.

Really? Watch this. I can't even watch it. Watch this. How many, 20 shots? Yeah. I can't even watch that. Yeah, it is hard to watch.

Damn. Damn. I mean, that's, that's got to be, how did everybody die? But they all had. It was like a scene out of inglorious bastards. We call that Mexican stand. Yeah, and probably because when the guy got shot it, you don't die right away. Right, right.

Depending on where you get there. Well, they might have shot him in the shoulder. Because his face down, he turns around, boom, boom, boom, boom, and they're flying at him. Thank God no one else was harmed. Yeah, really. That gives us to show you how quickly shit can happen. And when you're a cop and you're under that tension, you know, yeah, it happened. People don't realize how fast these things happen.

So, so how long did that take? How long did 20 shots take? Think about this for a second. And cops do six seconds. Well, cops, they have a friend and go, man, you see Jerry pull that go over, just a standard stop. Guy turns around, shoots him in the face. So cops hear all those horrible stories. So when they come up and they're on edge, it's because they've heard of all over.

And they also know they can die. Even if they're shooting, they can die right away. Like that, bang, by, bang, and they're dead too. So you're on high alert. Did you hear in the L.A., there's based like a bounty on police officers now. All the big gangs have bounties on the L.A. cops now, yeah. Because all the black violence and black on black crime. But that's the thing is that for a cop, unless you've been there and you understand that kind of, you see how quickly it is, how you pay a price,

with your life and you're dealing with a guy who might be a criminal or he has a gun on him, you see something flash and you're, you know, whatever, you shoot because you're, you're afraid. It really does. These guys are just bounty on it. Yeah. I don't know what their background is, but. Wow. For drug charges, it's kind of like.

That's intense. Well, that guy, that guy was clearly ready to shoot and kill if somebody tried to grab him. He wasn't going to jail. So that's a dangerous motherfucker, right? So I don't know. I mean, Jesus. Dangerous work. Dangerous work.

What else you got? All right. This is a little lighter. Can you read the award? Most likely to blend in with white people. No. So her teacher. A joke, right?

I mean, that's the thing. So her teacher gave these two awards. One was that one and another one's one most likely to become a terrorist. So she got suspended. They didn't fire her yet. They could do an investigation. But no one knows why she did this. She gave actual awards.

And she wrote it down like a, like she. She premeditated this. She was black as well. I don't even know that either. Probably. Most likely to fit in with white people. Most likely to be a terrorist. What is wrong with it?

There might be like some like stuff that they've been talking about in class and, you know. Yeah, it must have been. So it could be something like that. Some kind of dumb inside joke or something. Yeah. She said her daughter was so upset. She skipped class the next day. Yeah.

It sounds like like an inside joke gone bad. Yeah. I mean, had to have been. Uh-oh. She also wants to be an idiot. she might be a moron dude i was watching this mini doc or actually it wasn't a mini doc it was on 20 20 for god's sakes 10 o'clock at night

there's this teacher who uh you know super religious dude family two kids and this girl came she had no friends he like took her under her wing brought her to church and then obviously you know start writing songs for like these love songs ends up talking into dipping out with him he just leaves his family everything they go on or they're basically on

fucking alluding the police now. How old is she? I'm sorry? She's 15. And you laughed. He's 48. No, no, no. Yeah. He's 48. Jesus. Wait, how old are you? 50? 50. And you laughed. You laugh.

And you think that's, you think this is funny business? You think the show's funny? Very interesting. No, no, please. No. But so they say he's screwed. He's in prison. They're saying for life for imprisonment. Oh, I know. Because they're saying they, you know, he basically used mind control over to get her going. And then when she said, he's screwed.

came back. And one of the ways they come is he picked up a prescription of Sealis. Well, they'd been in love. Not in love, but they'd been kind of, quote, unquote, already having a relationship. Dude, they brought up some of his text. He was like, he goes, they're getting rid of 48. He goes, when you bent over and picked up that backpack, that ass. Oh, wow.

15 years old, do, do, do, do, do, no, do. But stop making excuses for it. I was playing the fake drums to that. Stop making excuses. Excuse me. What a cycle. Don't say that they'll know, but they were in love, you know what I mean? You're making excuses for that.

Which fucking crazy is in some countries today that would not be considered out of the ordinary at all. 15, marry her off, of course, the rich 48-year-old. Very common. And throughout history, what even more common. You know what his Google search was? What countries, is it all right to marry a 15-year-old? Like all this stuff.

Yep. Guess what his plan was? And then we all laughed about it, me and the people on TV, the investigators, is he was going leave from, they're in Oklahoma some shit, they're going to leave from Oklahoma, sneak all the way to California. And he had a canoe there to paddle to Mexico.

So he was thinking. He was thinking. Well, everyone's like he's a very smart man. Like, that's why they couldn't catch him. Like, until the one kind of bump in the road, he didn't have a motorized boat. He had a canoe for this 15-year-old, and his 48-year-old ass was going to canoe you know how far that is? I've cano. From San Diego

all the way to Mexico. That would take you two. the millennia. No, you're not going to make... He goes, even professional, like, guys who row boats and canoes couldn't make this journey. Good job. It'd be a monster.

I'm going to canoeist to our paradise, honey. Hey, drive. Drive. Get a speedboat. Drive. Try. Get a submarine. Drive.

Drive. Oh, you know what? Don't do any of it. Yeah. Oh, you know what? Don't kidnap a 15-year-old. Wait till she's 18. Can you...

That's right. Fuck your students. Wait till you're, can you wait three years, bro? I'll tell you what the red flag was. And she recorded a song that he performed for and like put it on Instagram. And he was like, finally, we're alone. I feel like I'm falling in love. You're the one for me.

And it shows all the subtitles. I'm like, how do you not, how does so, how's that alert people? That's really catchy. Yeah. It was nice, right? Real catchy. When you have a daughter, as I do, the one thing that the women in your family will tell you is no male babysitters, no teenage boys, no, and you just never trust any man

to be alone in a house with your daughter. I don't give a fuck. True. Who is? No one. No one. Unless he has no arms and legs. All right. Even then. Even then, stay with you. Here's the deal. I wouldn't even want to be alone with, that's right. Because then you never, you know what I mean? When I taught, I was, I was 19, I was 19, I never know what people were going to think. No. You know what I mean? These days, I'll tweet out, oh, my God, this guy made a pass at me. If I was ever in a room with a fucking 13-year-old, I would be leaving that room immediately. Anybody who doesn't is weird.

Well, I called my, hey, get in here, get in here. So I'm coming in. When I was 18, 19, 1920, I was a counselor at this thing. I was teaching kids to taekwondo. It was the summer camp. The kids were 8, 9, and 10 or whatever. And when I was in the classroom alone. Summer Taekwondo camp?

Yep. And I was in the same. I was in the class alone. and there was usually a girl with me. And she went to do something. And I remember the older woman came in and said, look at me, don't. I didn't even think about it.

She goes, you can't be in this room alone. And let me tell you why. If a kid says one thing, whatever it is, your life is ruined. I never forgot it. I was like, huh? Yeah, but I'm not, what are you talking about? It was the last thing of my mind. Well, you know, that's the reality of it.

Don't be in the room. So they never let you be in the room alone. Even back then, I had to have that girl was there. She was also a female counselor. And I hooked up with that girl. Anyway, it makes you look like a dirty boy. And I was with the other counselor that I was with because she was ever bid in 19. So we fucking got down.

Oh, wow. You fucks. What? No summer camp. Why are you doing against us? I'm not a pussy. You wouldn't. You would have been scared.

What do you mean? Fuck off. All right. What else you have? All right. The next one. Wonder Woman is banned in That's my girl's movie

Patty Jenkins you bastards How dare they? Do you know why? Why? So Lebanon or wait a minute Yeah so it's abandoned Lebanon but then Israel and Lebanon had like She's Israeli

That's right She's not just Israeli She was part of the Israeli defense forces For two years. All women are all in Israel In Israel it's mandatory Yeah forget it In Israel it's mandatory

She's the best Women and men She's so hot Look at me Hey for you? No, you're not... What?

What are you saying? I couldn't handle it? She wouldn't look for you. You're a... Bro. You're a score. What are you fucking? She would be fucking you.

Bro, not for you. Hey, stand down, boy. Dude. Boy, stand down. Hey, bro. You know what? Proceed with caution. Nah.

You know what, bro? How about this, man? I don't even fuck, bro. I fucking make sweet love. I swear to God, man. So take your fucking bullshit mail stuff. I push slow. And I'm nice about it, man.

I don't. I don't. I don't say I push that. Well, that's not what she's looking for. Yeah, she is, bro. I'll tell you that much. That's Wonder Woman. I don't want to give girls what they look for.

I want to give girls what they need. What they need. Hey, man. And dudes. And dudes. I'll fuck a guy. Oh, wow. I'll do it. Oh, you just said it.

I'm going to do it. You just said it. You're coming full circle. That's my girl. Patty Jenkins movie. Go see Wonder Woman. It premieres this weekend. Yeah, but hey, this podcast gets here next week.

So that doesn't make sense. No. All right. Well, keep seeing it. you fucks. Doggedo. Well,

she is a dime piece of all dime pieces. She's the best, yeah. Hey, guys, she's the best. I'm Snapchatting this.

Oh, well, it's boring. Hey, boring. You're welcome. Hey, Chris, you're welcome.

You have a very good voice, dude. Thank you. Can you sing it all, Chris? Remember when we tried to sing for real? Oh, man.

And we started laughing silent night. Yep. It was so hard. It was so hard. It's so embarrassing. Silent night. You fucking dumb fuck.

Oh. Hey, Chris, you want to us up? Brian, Dead Sears told me and Rogan, if he'd go back 20 years, he would be on to go on to be a singer. Yeah. Because that's what I want to do. Heartfelt. Wow. Because that's what I want to do. I never understood the allure of being a rock star.

I know everybody secretly wants to be a rock star. I would never want to do that. They say every comedian deep down wants to be a rock star. I don't know that at all. They say every athlete wants to be a rock star, right? And then every rock star wants to be a star. up there and sing. No, no.

The same song over and over. I watch Slim Dion sing that that Titanic song, my heart will go on. You know how many times you have to sing and how hard that song is? Yeah. Be exhausting. I can't sing. You every note is the same when you see it.

Oh, yeah, that Wonder Woman. I have no desire to see it. I hope it does well. I would see it. I have no desire to see it. It was great. I saw it. I went to the premiere.

It was awesome. I'm going to wait for it to go on demand, just like you do everything. It was great. I have no desire to see it. I don't like action movies. in general, especially whim. What else you got, Jim?

Hey, man. That's our girls' movie. Well, not this one. You want to see this one? He actually got away with wearing that on his head for his Arizona driver's license. It's a spaghetti.

It's kind of fun. Congratulations. I like that guy. Good for you. My podcast, congratulations, guys. Yeah, congrats, man. Everyone should download that. They wouldn't let me smile

my new passport photo. The guy goes, quit smiling. I go, can I spark? He goes, I guess. That's funny. Wow, that's fucking funny. So check this guy.

That's somebody that Brian would fucking be like. He wants to come to your show, set him up with tickets. 100%. You'd have to talk him for 35 minutes afterwards. He's thick. Wait, do you see his four. That's a big, strong dude. He's all thick or does it matter or does it knock? He's in 2017.

You don't want any part of that fucking. What's he going? Oh, my guy. He's got a baby. He's got infant. You can't do that. You can't do that. Well, he definitely can't do it because he's in jail now.

Well, of course it looks like a smart man with a tattoo on his neck and face. What a moron. Dude, you can't do that. I'm sure he loves his baby, but you can't do that. What a fucking moron. He's a macho guy who thinks he's in total control. That's frustrating. I'm just an idiot.

I know macha guys. That's stupid. How did you not think you're even talking about for that? That's crazy. God. What the fuck, you know? Yeah, that's not good. What else you get?

Also, that tank is hot. How about this? Yeah, I saw that. You know how people are doing that nowadays? They do like, they'll make themselves, a girl will make herself like, Johnny Depp. Oh, they go chocolate face? That's what she's...

No, that's what it's called chocolate face. Back in the day, like actors just do it. You know? Yeah. Back when before black people would go. Yeah. They do chocolate. So, yeah, did she get in trouble for this or something?

I don't mean if they're just in he or she, but they definitely got in trouble. They got a bunch of backlash. She, what do you mean? That's a woman, right? Why would they get in trouble for that? The makeup artist is the one that did. Why would they get in trouble for that? See, she doesn't look black on them.

She looks great in both of them. To me, she doesn't like black on the right. It looks like she got a tan on the right. It looks like a white girl with some DSLs. Exactly. Why would you be in trouble? It looks awesome. It's just changing your look.

That's the disclaimer that the artist did. Yeah, I saw this when it was posted. I don't know why it was on my Explorer page or something like that. Whatever, Chris. Yeah, but I'm, you know, I'm a hip to this shit. It's not about race change. It's about one more right about it. Who gives a fuck?

So she wanted to get creative with her makeup and go. Racist, you're a racist. Do you find that racist? Do you find that racist or something? Is it racist at all? What happens if I painted my face black? It's never even black people that have the problem It's always white liberals

Yeah, I know I fucking hate them It's the truth I really do It's like fuck off What else you got to have a piece of candy I might All right

Fucking phone How about this Jim Carrey defended Kathy Griffin So did Jamie Fox And their whole point was like You know She's a comedian

That's her job To push the boundaries You know Find the line And no one knows Where the line is So you have to keep trying What happened to Jim Carrey

That's a great beard It's a wild beard He's that new show on Showtime. Yeah, about... No, he's not in it. He's the producer. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You executive producer. Yeah, no, I know that. Yeah. Okay, but I thought we were coming and on the beard and that's why you said, well, he's got a new show because he's got to have the beard for it.

That's why he's in the public spotlight again. God damn, man. You watch your mouth about Jim Carrey, you too. Jim Carrey. I love Jim Carrey. I'm not talking shit about him. Yeah. Yes, actually.

He's my favorite. No, he's not. Yes, he is. He's my favorite. favorite fucking one of my favorite comedians. He's not into, uh, he's not doing as much acting anymore. He's into self-help talks and stuff. It's really interesting.

I think he says so much money. He's like, you don't know fuck everything. Um, he wasn't happy with all of it. So now he's trying to do this other stuff. Yeah, maybe. Oh yeah, you know. You know him really well.

Yeah. You fucking dumb shit. Just saying fucking bullshit is. I do know him. Thank you. No. He's a friend of mine. That's what you said.

Uh, what did Jamie Fox say? Same thing. Like, uh, comedians. It's their job. to, you know, cross the line to figure out where the line is because it doesn't exist. And that's how you find out if it's funny or not. But, I mean, everyone pretty much agrees that it's not funny. Yeah, it wasn't.

I stopped thinking about it, like, a long time ago. Yeah, I was just like, God, that's not funny. Move on. Yeah, yeah, who cares, yeah. Yeah. I don't, I don't have any issue. I was like, yeah, that's not funny. She can get a lot of shit for that.

Anyway, you're right. It's kind of moved on with my day. It's making her more famous. And you're absolutely right. great marketing. Her ticket prices will double. Yeah.

You get so much support from this? You know what? You don't even know. Okay? You don't know. And you say it like it's on a document. And that's where I get all fucking pissed off.

Her ticket prices are going to double. Nah. They might. You know what, dude? They might not. You don't know. I don't know. Yeah, but you don't know.

I've been around, bro. I know this shit works. What else you got to? Hey, can I leave? Hold on. We're almost done with this, bro. fucking hungry. You don't have a spread? A spread? If I can't

ensure you got a spread? Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. Do you do it at your house? What kind of low-budget shit is? It's just me, motherfuckers. At your house? I got a text for him. Hey, he didn't podcast on his house. You do? You don't have a studio? I don't make fun of him, Brian.

It's me. You low-wren, motherfucker. It wasn't a 2008? Yeah, you're talking to a mic, you low-rent, motherfuckerang into one of them Zooms and uploaded it to the internet. Live from Chris. This is house.

You fucking idiot. Guys, I'm just trying to. Your podcast is, if you guys are listening to this, boycott it. All right. All right, this is a bad one, but it's pretty fascinating. 16-year-old girl,

she went to a Walmart, stole a knife and a machete, ordered an Uber, and then she hacked him to death. What? This is the shit. I was in Canada for five weeks, and this is the shit,

the Canadian Sea, and they're like, dude, it's crazy in America, and they're right. So she's a complete sociopath. She just wanted to kill somebody? She bought the knife at Walmart. Stole. What a psycho?

A machete and a knife. And she just started stabbing the guy. She called an Uber. He came to pick her up, and then as soon as she got in, she just started hacking on him. And then he was able to escape and then run into a, or run to in front of a building and buzzed the buttons. But he's like, I'm going to die. I'm going to die because he's bleeding out. So he eventually died.

Dude, that's so insane. It was completely unprovoked, too, so. She just wanted to kill somebody. That's the last thing you think of a 16-year-old is going to kill me. That's her. What in the fuck? How does she even do it? How does she even do it? Mentally out of her mind. So he's probably like,

how's your night in the knife? She's out of her fucking stone. Look at her. Yeah. Like, I just want to kill something. What were you saying about you? Oh, my God. Hey, that was it. Don't lie down on my bad guess. Get up.

Hey, real quick, Chris. Are those jeans or sweats? These are fucking both, bro. I do hybrid shit now. Pick. Pick. Get up. Dukes or sweats. You know what's fucked up?

I had a great dropping knowledge, but it was on my phone. My phone just died. I'm so disrespectful. All right, let's wrap this show. Hey, black on black, guys. There's no great dropping knowledge. Shut that fuck up. Hey, I'm smart as shit.

Dropping knowledge. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for... Chris, we won't thank you for coming on. Why you guys go and listen to it? What's it called? Congratulations. iTunes everywhere. He goes out of his garage with his...

I don't. With this fucking dog. Hey, can I be a guest on congratulations? I'll have to check. On what? I decided. I decided. You want to know the answer?

This has been a complete waste of time. Oh, hey. Can't do it. I'm booked. You're all booked with who, you? Me. I got me on it forever. Are you doing any touring day or do you just give up on comedy and go strictly after you?

I got all fucking shows all over the place, man. I'm going to go to Montreal. I'm going to go to Baltimore. I'm going to go to West Palm Beach. I'm going to go to fucking Atlantic City. Don't roll your eyes. Don't be, everybody, I'm going to be at the Irvine Improv. Chris is opening for me.

No, I'm not. June 8th, 9th, 10th. Chris just said he's going to open up, do 20 minutes ahead of time. And then good, following that. Fucking, dude, fuck you. B, you're at Irvine, give them the dates again? June 8th, 9th, and 10th. And as you guys are listening, I'm in Australia.

There's only tickets left in the early show in Sydney and in Auckland, New Zealand. Hey, don't be disrespectful. Hey, theater has been coming for three minutes now. Yeah, but it's your podcast. Show, dude. Nailed you, dude. And then New York, Gotham Comedy Club, June 22nd. TVac8.orgon for everything.

His podcast is... Congratulations. And my special man on fire comes out soon on Netflix. Okay, but... What's the date, though? He can't say soon. You're not on fire. June 27th.

Don't stretch while you're waiting up. Yep. His new special. Man on fire. Oh, Denzel Washington's in it? Because why would you name it, though? No, you'll see... Oh, Denzel's in it.

Oh, wow. You and Denzel. That's awesome. This is a finally kid with Chris DeLeo. We're out. I talk about it.