The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 308 Theo Von

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

Theo Von and the boys talk Gerard Butler, rabies, phony dalmatians, hair transplants, steroids, therapy sessions, buying penguins, burying poop, Ric Flair's awesomeness, sleep driving, ghosts and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight Club. Hmm, kids got a piece on them.

A piece on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the onus. Now from the Onet Studios in Pliya, Vista, California, it is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live.

It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you see. Live. But we're not live. We don't do live, right, man. And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shut up.

This is not live. It's not live. Well, ladies and gentlemen, it is the fighter and the Vaughn because the kid is late as fuck So we're gonna strike it up bro Well it's ironic that the kid behaves like one

Right That's what I find He texted me goes bro Super late Lost track of time And I just responded back You're 50 Yeah

You're 50 years old That's what This is Brian the kid Lost track of time My favorite is he's gonna come back I thought we said one Yeah Or I say dude

There's a pipe that busted off the 405. I'm like, well, no, I took the 405 here. Yeah. He'll come with some crazy excuse. And I took the 10 here. Yeah, right? So we got him cornered.

Yeah, we got him covered. Yeah, fire, dude. This guy, I've never been met around anybody who've been around this many fires. Ever. I've been in other place with him. Oh, the huge fire. Huge fire on Las Sienega. Sure, guy.

He told me one. He goes, dude, a water main broke off Pacific. I go, why the fuck are you only going to live anywhere near there? I live off Pacific. Yeah. There's no water main? Like, how are you going to lie? Well, he has.

And then this day and age, I go, really? No, then say anything on the fucking ways. Water everywhere, bro. Well, he also has a scanner. And here's the thing, people that are late and constantly laid and, you know, just selfish with other people's time. Because that's what it is. It's selfish with other people's time. Don't get me started on that, brother.

Yeah. But I saw you last time. How was your set at the comedy store? It was good. Gerard Butler was there. How did you, like, we're like, oh, shit? No. This is Sparta.

And he's like, all right, cool, bro. I didn't say anything there. I was just trying to, I wanted to do well for Javar Butler. How did you know he was there, though? Because all of a sudden, like, they were like, everybody, you know how there's those seats in the back, those four or five seats? Yeah, yeah. And they're like, we need everybody out of the seats, right? And I think I was in one of the seats.

And so I'm thinking somebody big's coming in to sit in or they wouldn't move, you know, they're not going to move a comedian. Hell no. And so then, like, some people came in, but it's dark in there. And I'm like, looking at them. I'm like, who is that, you know? Gina Davis, maybe, you know. It's a random one A big Genie Davis fan

She's not as good looking in person As she is in League of the Rhone But anyhow They came in And then I'm like Who is that? And then it's Gerard Butler Did you hear his accent

Now did you know it was Gerard Butler Because you saw his 300 body Like is he still bodied up He looked like about Maybe a 41 pant Wow that is I don't know what that is. That's not Spartan life.

He might be Spartan like... Yeah, Greek. He looked more just Greek. He's more bulking. He's bulking. Yeah, like he lives in the balking. Did you talk to him? I didn't talk to him, but I heard afterwards that he said that he asked people about my name and I did really good.

Yeah, you're a fucking killer. I did do well. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. And he, and I wanted to meet Gerard Butler, you know, just to look at him. But I didn't get that opportunity, but I thought about tweeting at him today, but I don't know if that's cheesy or not. What do you think about that kind of stuff? I was going to tweet

Saw Gerard Butler last night at the comedy store. Yo, bro, put me in 301. That's what I was going to say. They've already made that. They did? Yeah. Put me in 302, dog. He has nothing to do with it anymore. He doesn't? Well, he died in the first, right? Put me in 299 the prequel. Yeah, there you go. That'll work. I don't know if I tweet him that, though.

Yeah. I bet he's going to come back. My boy went to to dinner with him, and he was saying how this might be no i think one of my friends said he was not smart i wasn't even going there i don't think he's going to solve

you know fucking the AIDS crisis or anything like that not that there's a crisis but there is a crisis not anymore bro look at him dude what do you have I don't know what have

pro it's not why does he have to have some because he's Korean that's fucking racist no i got a cousin that always got I got stung by a bunch of bees one time on a picnic and y'all look similar God damn it, dude. But what I'm saying is that they, that this man, I don't think he, somebody said he wasn't super bright, you know, he wasn't brain strong.

He's a fucking far cry from Elon Musk. Yeah, for sure. But he's not, you know. So he ain't making no battleships. No, hell, no. He's not making battleships or taking out the Persians. But he, uh, my friend who had the conversation with him, he's like, you know, most girls, they think I'm Gerard Butler from 300. So I go to hook up when I take my shirt off.

Like, what the fuck? Like, and he's like, that's a movie. Like, I'm not fucking a Spartan, for God's sakes. He was saying it's exhausting. He's like, I'm Gerard Butler from Northern Michigan. Yeah, I'm fucking Gerard Butler, the regular dude who likes to fucking eat pizza and hang out. Those were the movies, bitch. Yeah, I guess it's exhausting for him, which it would be.

Do you feel that, though? Like, as a fighter, do you feel like you have to show up with that fighter physique in places? Because that seemed like something... I mean, now that I'm in a different lane, I feel like I'm more self-conscious or more aware of my body now than I was as a fighter. Because the fighter, it's like... Sam, I'm going to eat a little, bro, talking about this.

But that's fine, dude. Bro, you ass. I know I did. Bro, you ass. You can't pull the gay card when you ass. It's like fucking start sucking some dude's digging. Like, dude, this is gay. Well, bro, you're gay.

bro, quit being so gay in my mouth right now. Dude, quit being so goddamn gay and grab my balls. And no offense of anybody's gay, man. I might be gay when I'm about about 70 or 80. You're just going to switch it up? Well, here's what I think. I feel like I came to Earth to do everything that I want, that can be done if I can, you know, in due time, you know,

riding sharks, you know, decoding Asians, and maybe even being gay, you know. Gay might be in your future. You never know. I can have a family and kids. Yeah, I feel like it's a. an easier life. Like, I mean, society, let's be real.

Society in general doesn't accept you like they accept normal relationships. Yeah, you look okay in a convertible. Yeah. You know? You wear Gucci's with fur out the back, tight-ass pants. You can't get tired enough. Short shorts. And, but also, if I walk in a gay bar, we're fucking.

Ten out of ten times, I'm sucking dick or getting a dick in my ass. If I go to... Guy, guys. Well, we'll see. Take it easy. I'm just brain. storm and you're like really i thought we're in the trust tree bro yeah yeah trust tree gay trust tree so when i but if i go into a straight bar chances of me hooked on with a girl yeah not great yeah maybe 10

if you're a dime piece maybe 50% yeah 50% for you're a dimey but if i'm gay it's one i'm batting a thousand yeah that's true i can't imagine so back to aides man i don't think we can beat it aids yeah because magic begs the differ really yeah but he's got that johnson's I don't have it. But dude, I think he's drinking Yazio Pueig's blood. Because I'm saying, do you get a pint of that Pewig, dude?

That'll beat anything. I heard too far. I heard just two drops under your tongue or cure a cold, you know? I think he has so much goddamn money. It didn't matter what he got. Yeah, he could get anything. Did he get attacked by vultures

and he'd be able to find his way out of it? When you got that kind of money. When you got that Voldemort cash. That Voldemore, son. They say he, not just him, but now, like the medication for it, it's all good. Yeah, like it's not that big of a deal.

Don't even wrong, you don't want AIDS, but it's not like it used to be where people were dropping like flies. Right. Like if EZ was alive today, you got AIDS, you're straight. Damn. That's crazy, man. Yeah, I guess it's a shame, man. I don't know. Some of his music wasn't that good towards the end, I thought.

But, yeah, overall, I feel like it's a shame that people, that we have diseases that we can't beat. It's strange, it's predominantly in homosexual relationships like that butt sex, what gives you the bait. Yeah, that's what they get it from, dude. That's what they say. And needles. So drug addicts or, you know. When you think about it, it's pretty easy to avoid, isn't it? Like, if you're a straight man with AIDS, what fuck you doing?

Yeah. It makes you wonder, it seemed like you really wandered off of the, your line of people. Yeah. You know? Like, you know, the, the rumor is Charlie Sheen got it from. Doing man sex? Gay activity. But then also.

Because they're like, most people, heterosexual, don't really shouldn't be getting AIDS. Unless there's a blood transfusion or your drug addict. liquid needles. Or if you're partying one night and spraying blood on each other, you know? Well, I guess it's Blade 4 or something shit.

But who does that, bro? Bro, if you got enough money, dude, you order a couple of, you know, hearty-risted, you know, people and a couple of swords. Dude, who the fuck knows what can happen? That's just so rich is getting created.

Going full fucking vampire night. Dude, I knew a guy he used to pay Vietnamese dudes to come beat his ass, dude, for like a thousand bucks. Yeah. Wait, you know, these Vietnamese guys and just beat

his ass? He lives in the Hollywood Hills, dude. This dude would pay these two Vietnamese dudes, drive up there, 500 each, and beat the fuck out of him. And then did he, like, you just got off on it? Yeah, he just got beat up. And then I guess he would just lay there or something to go to bed. I don't know. I think he was, here's what I think. I think he was doing bad business, dirty business.

And he felt bad about it, but he didn't feel like he was able to stop doing the business because of the money was making. So he needed some sort of repercussions. Some sort of, like, yeah, Yeah, so he would do it basically to be like, all right, well, I'm going to do this, but Yeah.

Go and whip that ass. Yeah, I need to get. It doesn't make it right. Right. Doesn't make it right, but at least I'm like I'm getting my ass. I'm paying a price. Yes. Like at least there's some repercussions for my actions.

I'm paying a price. So at least then you could like, you know, send a mass text that people you're fucking over. You just lay in there bleeding with a couple of them. Oh, damn. This is the worst. Who did that? I paid them. Some of your money I made off of you.

Have you? Have you had any. kinky shit like that ever in your friends parties or anything i feel like you live a crazy life man no did i grew up really in the you know there weren't a lot of diseases of us i did a i did a i did a fundraiser last night i was at a fundraiser for lymphoma right and i never even heard of it comedy fundraiser yeah loophoma and leukemia you know and i never even heard of lymphoma you know and no offense if anybody has lymphoma but i had um i got i grew up around rabies with like the hottest thing you can get.

Rabies ain't good. A rabies is wild. That's from getting bit by a squirrel or some shit where you're from? Yeah. That's from, yeah, there's a lot of different animals. Dude, a cousin. Anybody that's, you know, not taking good care of themselves or that's spending a lot of time outdoors.

And you can, two dead giveaways that people have rabies are, if they're afraid to drink water, and if they're kind of playing hide and go seek by themselves a little bit. Like if you see them. Like, if you see them. Yeah, except them. And that's, that's rabies, dude. rabies how the fuck

you get rid of rabies oh you don't never you can't beat it a lot of times you die yeah

and you can look that up dude I don't know what I don't know what he's you know actually you can probably

just close your eyes and no you know I know how they work that's the dark arts boy it's ridiculous

hey wait I feel like rabies is a problem in the south though is that fucked up

to say no like in the south I think NASCAR Rabeas Okay, well, look, NASCAR's not an infection, you know. It's not like, you know, I get bit by a redneck and next thing, you know,

I own a Tony Stewart poster, you know. You buy a redneck on the son. I got a fucking Jeff Gordon tattoo. Yeah, well, I think South, I think... What happened? What? I got this fucking Danica Patrick Brzear on. Whoa.

Whoa. I just feel like fried food. NASCAR and Ravies is the South, man. I've torn the South, so I'm probably killing my ticket sales, but you know what I'm saying. Like, rabies in L.A. is not a big issue. No, it's not a big issue. I think people don't spend enough time with real-ass animals.

A lot of these animals out here are bullshit, trained imports, fake-ass little Dalmatians and shit. Some gay man that lived out of park by me used to put spots on his dog. Bitch. Get it together, brother. He has told the fuck Yeah He had a white talking

He put his own spot You're fucking stupid Ah You're stupid here This is hilarious Here's stupid man I'm just telling him about what happened Why would the guy put

I don't know I don't know the man I don't go about people like that If somebody's spot in his own pet bro I'm out I'm fucking out too man Fuck It's not like

It's not like Dalmatians are rare or some shit. I get if you have a pet rhino, want to paint them white because there's one left. But with fucking Dalmatians, painting dots is insane, man. Dude, that's people in parks, man. People do anything in a park out of here. You got to notice that out here. Like, I mean, where I'm from, a park is a place to picnic, you know? Chill out.

Yeah. Chill out, make art or something. Frisbee? Yeah. Out here, it's a lot of drug scenes. Drug, people living out there. Yeah. Oh, gang activity.

like butt sacks. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. A lot of that Magic Johnson, that's what they call it. You know, people out there getting that Magic Johnson. That Magic Johnson. My brother cried when Magic Johnson announced he had AIDS.

No. He started crying. He's one of his favorite players. Bro, that's gayer than even getting AIDS from a dude is crying when another dude gets it. Right. You know? Especially if you don't know him. Yeah, he's first to write a letter to him, mail it,

Hope he gets better. He sent some fucking fan mail. Don't start crying and fuck up my afternoon. We were my aunt, nobody's car, and we got a baseball or a pack of cards, and he pulled a Magic Johnson, started crying. Oh, damn, dude.

Right down, we knew he was weird as fuck. Bro, I was surprised. Dude, that's, he sound pretty emotionally, uh, weak, you know? I can see how you were the fighter. That dude would, he would tap out if he caught a tough cold. No, no, he's way tougher than me. Oh, really?

Yeah, he'll take that Maggia Johnson AIDS anger out on you. That's a motherfucker's nasty. That's cool, man. That's cool. He's the guy you don't want to fuck with. But yeah, man, happy to be here, dude. I'm impressed you. You keep going on with the comedy, man.

I know it's not, you know, my opinion doesn't matter. And I guess it's not really a judgment. Your opinion does matter. But it's cool to see, dude. It's just cool to see that, you know, you continue to do it and just, you know, try it. Even if you're just trying it, it's still cool that you continue to try. Yeah, grind it, man. Yeah.

It's cool, though. I see at the store, yeah. Yeah. It's neat, man. brave, dude, because that's a total different universe. I just watched some of his fights the other night. Michael Beisping and who's the other man?

St. Pierre. General St. Pierre. What did you think of that stuff, man? Do you watch a lot of fighting or no? It's wild. No, this only second fight ever watched. Oh, what's the first fight you watched? First fight ever watched was Nicholas Diaz against

not Floyd Mayweather, who is it? Who do you fight? Oh, China McGregor. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nicholas Diaz. I'm sure he loves you. He called Nicholas. That is his full name, though.

Yeah. I met his brother one time. Nate? Yeah. Nathan Diaz. I met Nathan Diaz. And he was wild. He had a chip on his shoulder, man.

Yeah, that's them, man. That guy. But he was also a really, really neat dude. Great guys, but yeah. Chips on their shoulder. Great guys, but yeah, you don't want to walk behind him in a dark guy. I thought I was scared to be in a conversation, you know, a little bit. But also at the same time was loving the conversation that I was in, man.

Really? Yeah. I was just doing opium. and Jim Norton back when they had a show together, and... How long ago was that? There's probably a year and a half, a year ago. Because they probably quit, or maybe about 16, 18 months. You've been doing comedy for how long?

Maybe 13 years. Maybe 13. That's a long-ass time. Yeah. It's like a time warp. It doesn't, nothing changes. Callan doesn't get any older, except he does. It's if he does.

He just gets later and later. He just keeps saying he's not older. Then one day he's just not going to show up. Just died from old age. We're on here just hating on them. He'll die in him. fire finally he'll die in a fire finally something happens finally a water main breaks and he dies in it that's when we find out he wasn't lying i've got the femurs of a lepracon

it's so funny i get some new material i see it i'm fucking unlifted i'm doing this i'm like well no all right man that's but he's like bobby lee man i can watch his i can watch his uh show and even though it'll evolve some it's just it's still funny every time time. Yeah, yeah. They have a unique gift, the dynamic. Yeah, you can just look at them and they're funny, you know? Correct.

But it's nice. But, yeah, there's some element there where their punchline is already set up because a lot of comedians, you have to write the punch line. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. But more performance comedian. Yeah. Where I think, like, I always say this about Callan, I think he's better in person than he is,

if you listen to him on audible or on visually, on video. In person is where you get the full. You get that fire. Yeah. If he shows up. Yeah, if he shows up one time. He's half an hour late now. That's whatever.

Yeah. And Counting, dude. And we got you made a beautiful cookies this morning. MJ made us cookies finally. Yeah. She been talking all this shit. Now, have you experienced any sexual harassment in the workplace here, M.

Jay or no? Since it's that time of year. Callin jacked off in a pot next door. And I held her down like Kevin Spacey. Oh, wow, dude. So very softly. Yeah, yeah. But she got out.

She has good jit-suit. She's pretty flexible. Why you do jujuice too? Oh, I do yoga. She teaches yoga, son. You do? No, she does. My big ass doesn't.

In Santa Monica? Yeah, I was in San Corita. San Corita? Where's that at? Magic Mountain. Oh, yeah. Six flags. I've been up there one time.

I love yoga, dude. I just started getting into it. Do you? Oh, dude, I feel a fucking... Do you work out in general? I used to. I used to be in like power lifting everything, dude. I used to be jacked back in the day.

Really? I was an animal, dude. I was fucking... We were on them steroids? protein powder under my I was on steroids I was on steroids for a while when I was young

really yeah you're on steroids testosterone something yeah you just started to run a stack just to get jack yeah it was like a southern stack it was like testosterone

and like uh crisco or something I was saying gravy fucking testing gravy deck of D ball and fucking fried chicken yeah I was so jacked

and Mountain Dew Red dude I was so jacked at one point I couldn't use Q tips in my ears because I couldn't get Really? Is there pictures online of this? I don't know. There might be

man. Fucking find that chin. It might be. You were just doing it just for just to try it out or what? I mean, if you want to really know when I really think back on what I was doing. Yeah, I'd love that. I was just How old were you first of all? Yeah,

I was, let me see. 17 or 18. Nope, it was after that. That's when I got involved in this damn cult. What the fuck? Is that a real Cole? Are you not on set there? That's out in Recita, dude. What are you

doing? Huh? Why are you doing that? Looking for the Lord, brother. What do you think I was doing? Same thing, you probably were. But, um... Hey, man. What do you... Yeah, bro. Whatever, dude. You never hung around black people? Things happen, bro.

Bro, it looks like you're in, like, Africa. There... Yeah, I wasn't, dude. It was probably out east of Santa Clarita. And you were just... Trying to blend in? Just an adult. Yeah, dude, it's rural. It gets pretty rural out there.

How long were you out there? Oh, dude, long enough, bro. Long enough to catch the sweats, you know? Long enough to put a warp zone in your spirit. I was out there, dude, eating fucking dolphin dandruff doing dope. Out there, boy. Playing color me mind with my own body. Living out there, boy.

Making pottery out of my dick. But I'll tell you this, man. What were we talking about? Oh, steroid. Oh, steroids. Before you wearing a coat. Yeah, man. See, I'm doing dick pottery.

Dude, I've been in some... Aborigines. That's the dark arts, bro. I've been in the dark arts. You've been in some dark places, man. There's some feel darkness there, bro. But I've never been in a fire on Los Angeles.

It lasted this long. You know what I'm saying? So, Christ. Back to your fucking... But yeah, I used to use them. Man, I use performance-enhancing drugs, and I used, and the only thing I was really getting performance-enhanced for was really the 11th grade. Hey, he's 50, 40 minutes late.

Wow. I've been laughing so hard. He'll's been killing it. Really? You make me laugh. You look like you're so hot. Yeah, dude. Good to see you, bro.

I'm sorry. Thank you guys for having me, man. It's great to have you here. Thank you guys for having me. Uh, look at him, man. You'll be, you'll get it. No, I won't. You text me.

It's good. I know. Lost track of time. You look like you've been crying. Dude, he's been killing. Really? I'm 40 minutes late, though. I'll tell you why.

I never done a now and house. You're full of shit. You're so much. I knew what I'd say. I'd be like bullshit. I swear to God. I swear to God, I swear to God, I swear to. Is it clean?

I think I'm closing. Yeah, I don't like doing yoga in outdoors or anywhere dirty. But Theo, but Theo, but Theo did steroids. Back to Theo and the steroids. What? When I was young. You had performance in ants and drugs.

You used them. Avenue? No. Really? I want to. Don't think I haven't figured about it. It's definitely Googled HGH on the web. Yeah, I kind of agree with that.

I'm afraid of HGH, but I'd like to do, I'd like to do testosterone. I think that's what I did. We bought some shit in Mexico and snuck it back in a shampoo bottle and still used it. Really? You were straight. We were using dirty stuff and I was straight. Yeah, I've always been straight.

Well, but no, some kid was... Did you feel good on it? You know what? Here's what it was, man. I just felt inferior growing up and I just... Here's what happened. I met a gay man. Yeah.

I met a gay man. because we both bust tables that could have been Italian food I don't remember what kind of food it was vague bistro yeah it doesn't matter it's vague bistro yeah all right

and it was it was it was and then what happened was he ended up having drugs he was Italian he looked like Don Flamenco

from Mike Tyson's punchout can you bring a picture of Don Flamano please the rose in his mouth was that the rose in his mouth yeah that guy that guy

oh yeah bring him up He was the first guy you fought. There he is. He's the first guy you fought. Right there. Yeah, that's got the rose in your mouth. Fifth one of the right. One more.

Boom. That guy. He looked just like him, right? Okay. And he was homosexual. And he was a bus boy as well, even though he was an adult. And he got me into doing steroids. And we used to run marijuana back and forth across the Causeway Bridge, right?

Pounds of marijuana. And he actually did a bunch of pills later and died, drove him to an embankment. But one night him over at his house, dude. One item over at his house, Princess Diana died. I didn't know who Princess Diana was, dude. Really? I thought Princess Diana was, like, the mayor of our town or something. Like, I didn't really know what was going on locally, you know?

Yeah, yeah. We're sitting over at his house high on some marijuana, and he started crying and saying Princess Diana died. And he had just made us some chicken, me and him and corn. And we're sitting there just having a meal. I don't know who Prince Diana was. I was high as fuck. And then he said he had steroids. And then the next couple months, we used to go, I think he loved me, honestly.

How old were you guys ever? We never made out or anything like that? Nothing. Did he ever make like Kevin Spacey move on you or nothing? Like, let me see if I can hold you down, Thiel. He just always took care of me. Did he? I think it was kind of like almost like a father figure kind of thing. Because he was probably about 30.

You know, he was a 30-year-old at the time. That's probably 15 or 16. So he loved you. He loved me, I think. In a weird way, too, though. Yeah, but just like in it. But he was also the toughest dude in the world, bro. He's trying to get like, but in a weird way.

He would knock anybody here out. He might even knock this girl out. Are a tough guy? Yeah, he's tough guy. I mean, he was just a tough, like... Tough, suck your dick type of dude. Oh, dude, he'll suck your dick and then knock you the fuck out. Did you ever see him like fucking dudes or anything since he was his father of fict?

No, I think he might, uh... No, he would just accuse everybody of being gay all the time, you know? Which I was doing anyway, too, so it was fun, you know? Yeah, that's fun. I was like at that age where everybody's like, you're gay! Did you live with him? Gay men seem to do that a lot. No, he lived with my brother, though.

I set him up with my brother. They both needed a roommate, and they were good friends. And he was a good friend to him, man. He took care of me. just he was just like a buddy like I never had like kind of like an older brother kind of father just like kind of that figure he was sad was he open about his gain I was sad that he died yeah he was open about it okay and he was cool and then he uh and we were both bus boys you know he he couldn't get gainful employment because he had um he'd been in jail in and out of jail

yeah and I couldn't get gainful employment because I was 15 you know so it's kind of like that you know we met in that weird space yeah it was the odd couple but then we started doing drug doing testosterone and we pull over on the side of the interstate you were 16 years old doing testosterone we pull over on the side of the interstate and shoot in each other's butt cheeks damn he never tried nothing that's crazy never even touched my butt weird or anything man wow really you would inject you with the testosterone yeah i mean i was afraid to do it like once a week i don't remember what it was you know we just did a cycle of it or whatever he was probably he was probably grooming you he was like soon as his kid turns 18 oh no i

think i mean i'm wrong from you can you know you can yeah you'll cheat if somebody under age. Yeah, I don't think he was trying. I don't think he was doing that. I never felt that. It's the South. No, he's trying to take care of you. You had that common, you know, steroid secret.

Yeah, and he just, uh, yeah, he was a good dude, man. He was, he was probably like the first. Yeah, he was just like a good friend, man. I know it sounds crazy. Like, you know, I think he dated, you know, I think I might have, he told me about dates he went on and shit, you know, so I don't think he was trying to like how it was. Were you dating girls and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was. I was dating girls.

Yeah. He would, like, he would throw, him and my brother would throw parties. Because both of them were partying and stuff. So they would throw parties and I'd have big parties over there. Why do you think you have low self-esteem? Because like, like Theo will crush a room. And then I was watching the other night, laughing my ass off.

And you followed me. And he gets off and he goes, I didn't really get him. I was like, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, you did. Yeah. But you always say that because you feel. Yeah, I don't know. I just don't feel unless it's like, I don't know, I just don't feel that.

Sometimes, you know, it just don't feel that great, I guess. It's probably the only thing, like, I think, like, when you don't feel that great about yourself, we were talking about this one time recently, that's kind of good for a comic. Like, you know, like, you shouldn't be. You got real serious up in there. No, you shouldn't be. I was scared. Yeah, I hear you.

No, no, I want you to go into that, though. Well. Because I figured there'd be something funny. Oh, yeah, I mean, I just, you know, I don't know. I think growing up, I just was super, you know, I just didn't feel that good, you know? I just didn't feel that, you know, I didn't feel sure on myself. I didn't feel that good. I think probably when I was young, I didn't have, like, you know, people telling me that

everything was okay, you know, and if you don't have that voice ingrained in you, then you just always kind of feel like you're on a little bit of like a, you know, a teeter-totter and you just feel a little bit nervous. No stability. Yeah, there's no stability kind of inside me. So I think that's why I tried things like doing steroids or, you know, getting in a, you know, drugs and alcohol or probably even maybe comedy, you know, just searching out for something to make me feel, you know.

know, just searching out for stuff. Does comedy feel that void at all or no? Well, comedy makes it so it made it so I was in control of everything. So if I'm on the stage, I have the microphone, I can control how everything goes. So if I can control how everything goes, then I can't leave it up to anybody else to make me feel bad, you know? That's interesting. It limits the percentage chances of anybody making me feel bad. So then if I get really good at what I'm doing, and if I know everybody's laughing, then they couldn't not like me, you know?

like they couldn't you can't laugh and fucking hate somebody at the same time it's hard maybe that's why i do it too you have to be a wizard really to do that i just figured that out that's interesting so i think if i can make people laugh then i'll be like okay i don't have to worry for a second i everybody i'm okay you know everybody feels like i'm okay and is there every time when you're content or you're always just yeah when i kill it usually then i know right after yeah when i feel pretty good but now it's getting better man i mean i go to like now i'm an adult. I go to therapy and do all that kind of stuff to try and, you know, battle that inner shit. So I don't, you know, live like that. You go to therapy? How many?

Therapy, one time a week. Just once? Yeah. For an hour? Yep, one hour, this lady, Joni. Do they figure anything out? Is it more you just talking to them? No, this lady's pretty good, man. You know, I go for, like, adult sex therapy or something, you know? And they talk about sex and they talk about, you know. Like, you're an addict? No, dude. I don't even really care about sex that much. Like, I think sex is kind of boring. Like you're banging in each other for fucking eight minutes. And then, you know, everybody's just kind of laying it sitting around the room. You know, it's kind of fucking awkward, you know? It's kind of like a fucking bad fight. You mean like after you're done?

Yeah, just like, hey, you know. Are you just over it? I think maybe I'm over it. Maybe because you're a handsome dude and popular dude. So, you know, ladies. Yeah, I've had some sex. You've had some sex in your day. Yeah.

But like, you could go the John Mayer route where he's had so much sex. He's like, fuck it and start doing dude. I don't know. Really? Is that true about John Mayer? It is now, dude. It is now. Have you had, have you, is that, are you saying that you've had orgies and you've been,

I mean, I was involved with a couple of girls that were cousins one time in Indiana, actually. And then you're kind of laying around. I think they were cousins. Yeah. They are now, dude. I'll say that, brother, at least. You're definitely tied together. That's most sense.

And then it's kind of like a fight. That's funny. It's like, you just got, you just fought. Everybody's out of breath and just tired. Like, all right, what now? Well, I guess put our clothes back on and maybe, Drink some fucking ice tea. But you talk to the therapist about sex, but if you don't care about it, there's not much to talk about it.

Yeah, but that's part of it. It's like you got to care about stuff. So it just makes you wonder, like, I just like to start thinking about why I feel certain. Or just start, like, trying to figure out what I feel, you know, trying to figure out. Do they always, I feel like, and I haven't seen a therapist talk about this, but don't they just chalk it up to your childhood? Yeah, a lot of times. Every time? Yeah, a lot.

Well, a lot of times. But then. Like, you just tell the story. She's like, yeah, it's your childhood. Like, thank you. There's $200. I'll see you next week. Cool. Hour again. It's because you're your shitty father.

Oh, I appreciate you. Well, that's a problem. They can get in your head. But it's true. It's what it's what comes. Yeah, sometimes they can, man. I mean, this one kind of helps me think about stuff. Sometimes I overthink things, but I don't know.

I like to try and get involved in why I'm feeling certain ways, you know. It's good to navigate it through and talk it out to have someone who's not biased or. Yeah. Sometimes they can be biased, though, and they can't help it. Like, I went to a couple's therapist. That's different. Yeah, because the guy said to me, they were trying to figure me out. And he goes, he goes, so what do you, how'd you go?

Well, I went to boarding school and I was 14. And he goes, oh, your parents threw you away. Wow. And I was like, hey, man. I don't say it like that. You can't recycle the kid, dude. No, I feel emotional. Wow.

He got in my head. I was like, what did they? I could see you in a recycling band, dude. That's crazy. Your parents threw you away. No, they did it. It's floating down the river. Somebody finds a recycling band and you're in there.

You're in there. And you're just fucking lifting weights down in there. That's training. eating banana do you have any problems with uh depression or anything yeah i have most i had a lot of problems with that growing up but now i don't have them as much anymore you know because a medication or because of medication i take low dose medication and then you know i'm just more like i think confident now these days you know just getting and also figuring that shit out you know like i'm a big proponent if i feel a certain way i want to try and figure out why do i feel that way you

know so it's kind of fun it's a journey you know it's just like training it's like you know you have to It goes, you know, like, you know, you have to start to figure it out, you know, and the more you do it, the easier it gets, you know. But anyway, dude. Are you finding success in it, though? Yeah. Really? I am.

Yeah, I'm finding an awesome success. Like, what does it make me want to do it? Yeah, like, yeah, just like, yeah, man, I wish I could give like a, you know, a real concrete example, but. Does it make you more aware of how, like why you feel a certain way? Yes. Like, more aware of triggers and things? Yeah, 100%.

And it makes it so that, you know, like the other day, like, I was hanging out with this girl and I could tell she wanted me to say like that she was pretty, right? Like, not in a way she was asking for some sort of like guy, you know, like looking to feel good. She just was kind of feeling unsure about herself. And all I had to say was like, you know, oh, I think you're, you know, pretty. Just something to assure her. She was looking for something like, like some sort of confirmation. Right.

And just in a, as a human being, I should have said. That's what a nice person would do. Yes, 100%. And I'm a nice guy. I could have, you know. but something inside of me is like man if you say that then it's like part of you're given some weakness there's some weakness there i was afraid to say it i could feel like i was afraid not like i didn't want to to make her feel bad but just like man if i say this then this girl's

power over you or she's going to know that i care you know or that i have some sort of care and then if i care then she's got that over you right yeah and then i mean i'm a caring person and so all these things that maybe are built in the back of my head where i just care about myself. Now I start to care about other people. How's that going to feel inside of me? Oh, wow. So just weird shit like that, but you start to kind of figure it out. Anyway, just kind of boring. What do you think? Why do you

want to see a therapist? I mean, I really just like to talk to one. I just like to talk to one. You got good hair. You'll be fine for a while, bro. You got good hair. Yeah, I got decent hair, bro. But as long as... Decent. You got great hair. You have a mullet. Dude, I just got some of my hair taken out of the back, put in the front, bro. Molling in the front. Me and Rogan, I have a fucking conversation

in the comment store. He just comes up and goes, I had some hair taking from the back, put in the front. I'm like, why would you do that? Yeah. You go something, you got a hair transplant? I had a hair transplant. You did? It didn't work though.

Yeah, but you need it be. I know. You don't need it at all. No. But I never know. Because I got someone mullet in the front, bro. Who has that? Wait, I mean.

Just throw your hair out. So wait. It's not the same. It's not the same. Bro. So you actually had a hair transplant with that hairline. Yeah. You're out of your fucking.

That's crazy you've ever heard. Yeah, dude. I'm going to be fucking partying. Because I did it, I did it. I didn't. I can be a EWalk come, come Christmas. Bro, I did it. Yeah.

That's just going to run into your eyes. Fucking EWalk. What did the doctors say when you said you want to do it? He said, let's do it, dude. They want the money. And I love surgery, dude. I love surgery. What surgeries have you had?

I've had a bunch of quarters taken up a swallow a bunch of quarters when I was a child. Oh, no. Like a lot. Like I almost upwards $8. And so I'd have them taken out of my body. What else have I had, dude? I've had, um, I've had some. Oh, I've had some other shit, dude.

Let me think about it. Oh, it was high on cocaine one time. Some girl tried to cut something out of my hip right here. She likes surgeries. That's like he did the head. And if I get five other people to get it in the next year, mine's free. Pons and I love those. Why did she try?

So two of my favorite fucking things, dude. What did your girl try to cut out of your hip? You can't just like say that. Just like a lump under my skin. I don't know what it was. You guys were high as fuck, doing whatever. Yeah. Chunk of fat.

She told me she's like, I can do this, right? She had a razor blade. Oh, my God. And she can't do it. Was she hot? She's real chatty. Dude, hot goes away in a moment. She's on fucking cold.

She was chatty before the blow. Oh, wow. She was loud before the blow. Theo Vaughn had a hair transplant. He had something cut out of his head. That's right, dude. I'm fearless. I'll fucking do whatever, dude.

I'll fight a, I'll fight a blind kid who can fucking jump high. Are you going to find five friends to do it? A blind kid who could jump high? Yes. Really hot. Not if he trained him with Kung Fu, because they teach you how to fight, like, when you're blind. But that's, he's probably going to have that. He's not just going to be jumping high.

He's not just somebody standing in his yard jumping high. Yeah. If he's got frog legs and he's just blind, you know, I'll fight that motherfucker because I'll time it. So as soon as he lands, I'll punch him in the face. Oh, damn, dude. You know what I mean? He's blind, bro. In Taekwondo, I would tickle him and then just get him to quit.

In Taekwondo, we'd have guys, sometimes you'd line out with the guy, and the guy would be jumping as high as he could. You'd be like, this guy's jumping super high, like getting ready, and you would just time. He'd go, he'd jump and then you'd slide sidekick as he landed and kick him out of the fucking ring. The dumbest fucking technique in the world. Like, what are you doing? Boom. Boom. Deal, you think you'll be able to find five dudes to have that hair transplant?

I don't think so. Dude, I've already had two men reach out to me. Trying to recruit us. You, bitch. Don't jerk your thumb over in me. I don't know. You do something. Yeah.

Excuse me. I'm taking propitia. My hair is not bad right now. But propitia, you know, it's... Dude, I don't have good hair, though. It doesn't work for me. The hair transplant. about getting some of his hair.

I'd love it, but he won't give it up. I want him to get a wig. I'm not getting a fucking wig, bro. Dude, there's like great wigs out there now. There are. Like, if I didn't know you, your hair kind of looks like a wig. Is it really? Now it does.

It's a wig. First of all, you frost it, right? Don't fucking frost it, you don't? No, dude. It looks natural. Really? Yeah, look at it all. You don't dye it?

Uh, uh, I don't die. Oh, sometimes I'll die the sideburns here. Yeah, because it gets gray. It gets a little gray. How old are you? I'm 37. I'm an adult, man. I don't mind it getting a little bit gray, but I don't want to be considered like a senior or anything before I'm supposed to be.

Well, I'm gray, and I don't, I should start dying. Am I fucking. Do you die your hair or no, B? No, I just. You're not that great. No, but your beard. I die. My beard, I die sometimes.

Or die your skin a little darker. It's because it's in contrast to your skin. I have terrible. I have bad skin. Yeah. Yeah, you guys have. Yeah, you're all skin and I am truly. Got it.

Paleish. It's paleish green pink. It's a shitty skin. I had, foggy. You're from a foggy land. Yeah, man. Well, I'm about half the time. I had a girl coming to me last night at the comedy store, and she works in the office,

and she goes, now I'm not, because I'm not saying this because I think you need it. I heard you talk about the bags under your eyes. There's a procedure that we do at the office I work at where we inject these things into the bag of your eyes and the you're, the bags of your eyes. You don't have bags under your eyes. I kind of have some bags. I don't think so. I've never seen that in my fucking life, bro. I don't know that.

Absolutely not. You sound like Mariah Carey right now. Yeah, I have never I've never said that about me once. Never noticed that one time. Really? Anybody in this room? I feel like that looked like Trump.

Well, Brennan's got bags under his eyes. I feel like you got Trump bags. Like two ball sacks hanging up my eyes. But once she said that, I was like, I was like, I'm like,

you know, I'm like, you got a card? Yeah. Bet your ass. I took my card. Then I went home and looked at it. I'm like, oh, hell no. Really?

Fuck, no. Needles in your eyes, man. Oh, dude, you got to go get this hair surgery. And it's awesome, bro. They let you watch whatever you want the whole time you're in there. You can be on your phone. Oh, yeah, I did that.

Beautiful babies in there. I watched two movies. Did they literally cut? Like, did you know, Rogan tried it? It didn't work. So he's that, like, like he's from fucking. You're from Pulp Fiction? I got the same thing.

Like he was a star. Yeah, me too. You have a scar? Oh, yeah, I got a smiley face. So what they do is they take. This is in the 90s? This is in, I don't know how long ago this was. This was probably in, I guess about 10 years ago, maybe, maybe more.

Jesus. I don't know. You used to, in the old days, you had to carve it out of your father's head while he was sleeping. This was like, 15, 13 years ago. Wow, that's early. Bro, they cut out a piece of your head. They cut out a piece of your skin, okay? They take a piece of your skin out.

Oh, my God. Then they sew that shit back together. Now, you need to know something about me. About me? Got a tight skull. Got a tight skull. A lot of guys don't. I got tight skull.

Like, watch this. When you do this, this should move more, not me. my skin my head my head skin is tight on my on my scale you're a good skull though yeah you got a bad skull you're not a bad skull thank you for that compliment um i could see you like mesothelioma what's that called where you have like the early um back in the prehistoric i think like mesothelioma yeah so it's kind of a big uh i'd say like i'd say like they they would find you in a cave 100% like the the best skulls in here like we all died they're not finding you in a village no no like like if we if we all died and you have to rank the

The skulls, you know, one through five up in there. One, and MJ would be two. What do you mean? Like, I'm less involved? Chin, you're dead last. I'm less evolved? No, that you have a nice round skull. Yeah.

Like, you could be in a Halloween shop. Chin's a spice trader. His would be like, oh, this guy came to sell spices to them. Yours would be, you would be still, I think, in the jungle. You'd be in a cave. Why is a bunch of cracks in it? Yeah, dude. I would probably be like in a camp, like in a prison.

and the different skulls i think so i have a small i think i have a small skull i don't know i have a long head you don't have a fun skull they would use your skull for games and stuff after they yeah or like a drink yes yes yes it's so round of the vikings you got to do that in your the vikings would kill me they would cut my head my head in half yeah and then they would drink yeah for soup oh you might this is some zero killer talk but you're oh man your soup yeah your skull would be great to sip out of yeah yeah something creepy Well, just clean your skull out, and I'll just get my... Oh, man, if you take your skull is perfect.

Yeah, and also portable. Your skull, I could take, you know, a drink on the road, you know? Take a bed on the hike. Did the surgery her be? Oh, man. So here's the fucking weird thing. Wait, first of all, you're under anesthesia? No, they just, uh, they just numb your skull, okay?

It's very primitive. So then they take, they take each individual hair follicle out of the back of your head where you don't lose your hair, right? And then they take it and they, they dig where they think. They thread it, right? dig holes in your fucking head. They stick your head with holes, right? Farming.

So I had 1100 grass. I had 1100 graphs. That's for two years. Yep. It's like farming. Yeah, it's just like 1100 grass. Preforestation, dude, is what the word you're looking for. Three, four.

Okay. And then they put those follicles individually in the holes. And hoping they grow? You hope they take. Now here's the thing. I didn't take so well. And also, when they cut back here, there's a chance that they can hit a certain nerve that will cause?

Blindness. Nope. Paralyze you. Nope. Ooh, let me guess. Oh, uh... Numb your face. Frequency.

Nope. It's really fucking weird. What? Oh, wait, I know what it is. Keep guessing. Dude, don't give up. You just did two guesses. It can cause.

Jesus Christ. You only have two guesses. It's related to a nerve. Hold on. It's related to a nerve. Oh, I know what it is. Eddie money has it. It's when your leg doesn't work.

No. He did. Oh, when your eyes shuts off. You're all good. You're all good. You're hearing. Hold on. When you involuntarily give

signs. Here's a hand. Think of your stomach. Here's a hand. Think of your stomach. Where you're fucking navigating a plane. Yeah, where you have to work at the airport. Nope. Nope. This is so weird. I can't believe I just remember. Oh, we go deaf. Nope. Where your nose runs. It doesn't take then your teeth get crooked.

Oh, I know what it is when your nose runs. Oh, no, no, I got it. When it doesn't take your teeth go crooked and yellow. Fuck off, man. When you can hear a dog whistle. You get, you're immune to rabies. No, you get. A's.

You get the. Oh, I know what it is. No. The hip. Not herpes. You get the hiccups. Fuck you, man. It hits a nerve.

It starts having hip. That's it. I know. Who cares? Hickups are for pussy. Hickups for a life? Well, you can get, there is a chance. You're an air pussy, dude.

If you get hiccups. Well, there's a chance when you get a trache out of me or whatever. I'm willing to take if I had your hair. Jesus Christ. Hiccups? But they won't go away and they have to come and, like, do something for it. I'd rather have my hair. and hiccups for life.

They have to patch on the back, you little freaking muppet. Hickups. Yeah, you can hit a nerve apparently or something. Really? Yeah.

No. Can we find a YouTube video? Do you mind? Like, in you in? For somebody who's a hiccups for life? Yeah. Hickups for life. My dad had it for two weeks.

Couldn't sleep. My dad, too. My dad too. For two weeks. My dad was about to go insane. He had to go see a doctor. Dude, you guys have to have your dad's on to talk about that. Did you dad have an operation?

Oh, no. They gave him something to relax. Hickstrid addict. Yeah, so my dad, too, and then he was crazy. Do not get a hair transplant? Well, too late. Yeah, yeah, Rogan has an earthworm on the back of his neck. Yeah.

A real one? Me too. From the surgery. Oh, I thought he meant he had one in his skin. It looks like he has a centipede on the back of his skull like Paul Fiction. Wow. His head's been through battle. Oh, yeah.

He's a dome on him. Yeah. He doesn't even care. He's just out there. See, some hair transplant, people can get hiccups after surgery. Wow. Ooh. Isn't that weird?

It's not permanent, but it's annoying. Yeah. I mean, you know what? Out of all the things, I know, like, when you get prescribed medicine, they're like, could have diarrhea, AIDS, throwing up. But why there? Why that nerve?

That's so weird that you have a nerve there. Triggers hiccups. Yeah, it's like the guy who had the soccer player whose foot was fucking killing him and they couldn't figure out what it was, MRI and everything else. And the dentist said, I think you have a nerve in your fucking mouth that is causing that problem. Well, connected. Yeah, when they took the tooth out, it. That was the one thing.

Was it the canine? Was it the canine? It's a canine. How about this? My dad's friend. My dad's friend, dentist, his wife notices a terrible smell coming from his mouth when he's sleeping. He's sleeping with his mouth on him. She goes, Jesus Christ.

So the doctor, the dentist, opens, pulls a tooth, and there's a sack behind his tooth of bacterial fluid. Oh. The sap breaks by accident as they're pulling it out. Wait, did he have a, did he have tooth removed on the sack? Yes. What was it from? Like some cookie or something? The bacteria can live like, the fucking nurse threw up.

It was that bad? Wait. The dentist has his thing. And he goes, he pulls his mask out and starts to throw up. The nurse walks in, she starts to throw up. And then the fucking, you know, it's a disaster. His mouth must smell fucking awful. It was the worst.

Apparently that smell that when bacteria lives behind her tooth, smell can be devastated. That's cat bowel. You know, if you cut open a cat bowel, dude, people can't even stay in the room with you. I heard it's bad. You ever hooked up with girls bad breath? You know, but you know what I have found over, and I don't find it as much anymore, but there was a period probably in the 2012, 2013 time. I noticed a lot of women had this meat, these kind of ham smell around their mouth a little bit, a meat smell. You mean like deli meat? Yeah, kind of. Just something. Like a subway smell? I hate something. I'll tell you what I'm gross. Also, always have roaches in them, too.

Somebody's at a subway right now listening to this, dude? I'd leave, yeah. Have you noticed this? Because I said to my buddy, I was with a vegan girl, and he said, she smelled a little bit. I go, yeah, her breath. He goes, yep. Sometimes vegans, no offense to any vegans. Weird, I know some vegan girls.

I think it was the, maybe she was eating a lot of mushrooms. It smelled like mushrooms. That girl might just smell like shit, though. It's happened to a couple times. Sometimes you got chalked up to shit. Yeah. Some people have fungus in them. Yeah, they just don't.

I know. Like I had a friend fuck it, a manager you know he is, his breath was so bad it would ricochet off the window when we were driving. I told Brian you got to say something to him. I told Brian I'm like, you have got to say something to Brian's like I'm not saying shit. But we should because I love him

and I love him too. I think it's that you said he had malaria and might be the liver. Yeah or he had junk or he's eating shit so liver, liver disease can cause really bad breath. Yeah. And liver problems can cause really bad breath. And other times there are a couple things. One it can be a cavity, but the other thing it can be is sulfates versus sulfides.

Like the sulfur in your mouth takes on a different form. So it can be literally a sulfur smell. You got to be pH balanced. Do you get the pool got to stop by your dog? I'm talking about halitosis. I'm talking about the worst breath. It would shut the car down. Yeah.

Like you'd get out and you feel sick. Yeah. Yeah, his girl would have to kiss him. I got a Google voice number and I will send blind text messages to people out of really bad breath. Just so they don't know. That's a great idea. Yeah, people tell me this guy's bad breath Fire it off. There was a girl I met. I went on

To see it back to me. That's kind of nice. Well, just, it's such a horrible thing to let someone go through life with, you know? It's like somebody doesn't have a leg, but you don't tell them. And they're constantly just falling and just, yeah, I wonder why they can't hand up. I've known three women like that, who I should have talked to, and I couldn't. Bad breath? And I remember one girl goes, I can't keep a man. Don't know what it was. And I was like, I know what it was. You're a terrible breath.

She smelled like, her breath always smelled like morning. If they're hot enough, I'll put up some bad breath. I had a girl who had a pierced tongue, and she didn't really take care of it because you've got to watch that. And her breath was like a – it was like a muffler, like a corroded muffler taste. It had rust? Oh, so like – It was like rusty metallic. Oh, you know what that is?

She tastes like a 76 Dodge dark. That's the iron in her blood. You were tasting blood from her fucking tongue. That's the iron. No, no, no, no. I'm telling you. I think it was the ball feet because this is early 2009, she – She had that ball.

It wasn't stainless steel. It was just a rusty, it was some bullshit. Yeah. Remember when piercing tongues was like a big thing? Yeah. What the fuck?

You never had like a stud in your tongue or lip? I never had anything like that, man. I'm trying to think of I ever thought of getting anything exotic, dude. Some kid got his belly button pierced at spring break one time and then a couple kids beat him. That's all I remember. That makes sense. Yeah.

Why did you guys do that? What about a nose ring? Nope. You never had a nose ring? No. You looked like a bull. No, you look. sick with a nose ring.

I'm telling you you you look sick with a nose ring. That's crazy. I'm telling you, I would look. I would get slaughtered and serve at a restaurant. No, you wouldn't. Bro, you're a solid, I'd say eight or nine. You have a nose ring. You're a 10.

I'm a eight. You're a southern 10. I do you're a southern bell 10 with a nose ring. He's not a nine, bro. He's a southern nine. Yeah. L.A. nine's different rules. Yeah, he's not even a name.

You have to be gay, first of all as a man to be in L.A. nine. Yeah. So that's really. No, not really. You got to be on the fence, dude. You're like a nine. Shob's like a nine, and you got, dude, a 10 is gay.

You're gay man. Which is fine. There's nothing wrong with that, but you're still. Dude, you're a Southern 10. I'm an eight. With a nose ring, you're 10. With the nose ring, I'm Angus. Why don't you get a fucking, listen to me, I'm being dead serious now.

You could actually, because you're so big, you could actually kind of get away with a tiny, tiniest tiny diamond stud in your nose. Oh, my God. I can't do that. Because you're afraid. It's not for me. I'm talking to you just gets a little ring like, like, uh, Lenny Kravitz. Like getting a fucking nose ring. Dude, you would look.

You're a sad. Unless I keep a spare key on it. No, no comic has a nose ring. No, you can't do it. Imagine if a Richard Pryor had a nose ring. No, times are different. A nose ring. I don't know if they're that dead.

Terrible fucking career advice from Brandon. Yeah. I can't believe we're in a fire. Why were you late today? You just split a chair It looks like somebody took one chair And just split it in a half Yeah, yeah

Exactly Looks like a big lazy boy That we cut him to You want to know why I was late Yeah Honestly Now hey hold Before he says this

If you had a gun in my head He said is Callin lying I would bet my entire bank account That he's lying We carry on I swear to God This is the truth I was pitching an idea

A TV show idea That I have for us To the somebody who used to run Who was a package agent at CAA and who used to run Fox comedy and I couldn't leave because I was like you know what this is worth being late to because I really want to get I had I kids I came up with an idea in the middle of it

and I was like you know what fuck it it'll be worth it that's the truth that's that on my I think you had a meeting about yourself yeah no and they're like I got an idea for finding the kid yeah and so you scheduled this meeting before our show I was supposed to be at 11 30 no I told you 12 remember I sent you a text 12 yeah yeah and I And so I said, schedule me in 11. Yeah.

When the show at 12? I thought it'd take a half hour. You got adult issues, man. That's crazy, dumb. And you're at CA? No, I was at Innovative. So you're just on the phone. You're with Innovative?

No, no, I was with Innovative with my agents. Are you with Innovative? Me too. You're with innovative? Yeah. Me too. Wait, so the people I innovate, so CA came to Innovative? No, she's not with the CA.

She used to be a mixed up, dude. She used to be a packaging agent at CA. It sounds like a bad Netflix series all of a sudden. I swear to God. Sounds like a bad Lifetime movie. I'm going to Alabama this week, Huntsville, next week, Huntsville, Alabama. I'm supposed to go there too.

Are you? Yeah, and by the way, you know about some Huntsville? Work at Stand Up Live? Yeah, I'm going there too. Yeah. And you know why that's a great place? Something we should check out. Archer, a lot of archery there.

No, it's the more rocket scientists, more rocket scientists in Huntsville, Alabama, and then anywhere else. Oh, and by the way, why the fuck would you go to there? Space, dude. They sent a lot of people's space out of Alabama. All scientists down there.

Sten a space center. We used to go there when I was a child, dude. I'm having a tough time. Why did the fuck I go down there for comedy because they have rocket scientists? Great club and also really great crowds apparently and also really smart. In Alabama, engineers. Yeah, Honsville's become this like really cool place because all the, all the, not only the aerospace industry, but also the science industry, all the science is working on the genome, 23 and me's headquarters are down there. It's become this like, like this unlikely hub.

I bet they rage. Yeah, that's true. Hey, you guys, hey scientists. What's up everybody? Another beaker full of gin. Dude, did I ever tell you, I did stand up for fucking a bunch of mostly. Asian math, math graduate students at, I think it was Columbia. Steve Byrne was there.

Steve goes, we got set up with our agent. And I said to Steve, I go, Steve, these are, they're all Asians and they were all grad students in math. Wow. Was that a comedy venue or is it like a ballroom? Sure wasn't. Sure wasn't even that. It was a lecture hall. It was a classroom, lecture hall.

It's a bad idea. I believe it was Columbia. And I said to Steve, I go, Steve, I am now going to do 40 minutes on just birds. I go, any bird fans out of here? Huh? And I fucking only got laughing, Steve. They weren't laughing. Laughing. Crickets.

Hey, math students. A lot of lonely women get birds, too, and self-centered women are bird owners. That's a huge sign. That's a weird animal, man. Birds suck. Can't cuddle them. Had them. They're assholes.

And who were you to keep a bird? Right? Had them. How dear you? Had two of them. Macaws. Dude, they suck. Bring up a scarlet of McCaw.

They suck, man. You live with the McCall? I shared a room with a child. Hold up, MJ. Get that mic. Give that mic. You lived with 26 birds. You're the bird girl.

Go, call, call. Go, call, call. I shared a room with a chow. Not an Asian person, the dog. Just to make that clear, I'm not trying to be offensive. My old roommate, she owned this thing called Bird Bungalow or something in Santa Carita. And so she would board birds, sell birds and sell the supplies.

So she did it for all over Santa Crettaic and all that. area just balls deep in the birds so i was looking for an apartment i saw her out on one of the san crita like housing ads and i walked into the apartment and it was only like a couple birds i was like okay that's that's fine we lived on the top floor of like a five-story building and i was like oh a couple birds of mine you know it sounds tropical and all of a sudden they started coming in more and more and it ended up 26 you're living with ace ventura pet it was insane like there be birds was a north african gray was best friends with my dog smart smartest bird in the world smartest come here kid, kitty, kitty to my dog.

It would talk to my dog. It would be exhausted. Was it hard to sleep at night? Oh, my God. It sounded like a rainforest. But they sleep at night. It was that bad honestly. It was kind of nice.

Fuck a bird, man. I had, I made love to a girl in Denver. Macaws have so much personality. They're like, they're like, you shouldn't have macaws. They're a bitch, though. So you, you fucked the girl with a bird on your shoulders? He used to make love to a woman. Fucking sounds very aggressive for what I do.

We're over sex, so yeah. Well, I'm just like fucking sounds like you have a big attack. outage and everything, I don't have that. Like, I'm just kind of excited to be there. Let's see what happens. Yeah. There's a bird on your shoulder. But she had this gray bird that would get on my shoulder while we would make love, man.

And we probably had sex, maybe three or four times. And the bird was hanging on your shoulder? I don't dig that because they have claws, man. On your beard. This one has soft feet. Soft feet? Oh, he's a house bird. Well, you clip their nails.

You know that. I know, but they're still. Got to clip their nails and shave their feet. No, I have parakeets. I'm not shaving their beak. You're a fucking sin. That's fucked up to do. You got to shave their beak.

down a little because it gets too long. This guy's late today and he's shaving bird beaks. Actually, I was shaving burbies. You got to cut their wings, too, and they hate it. They're like, bah, bah! How fucked up is it to own a bird, though? It's fucked up.

It might be the most fucked up animal to own, besides a dolphin in a small tank. And this bird, the macaws, they usually only attach to one person. So the macaw was even older than my roommate. It was like a 30-something-year-old bird. They live over 100 years. It was a raging bitch to both of us.

Call me crazy. How old was your roommate? mate uh 31 yeah single she'd no she too well yeah single yeah yeah and still single too birds birds will my my bird jesabel hated women and so she'd come down off her perch and run after you and try to bite you through your shoe and she could bite you through your shoe fuck a bird so she would like you had to be careful leave birds where they're at that's what i always say they're designed to fly for god's sakes if you get a penguin or turkey do your thing man But no one's, you know, you can get pet penguins.

Really? You can get pet penguins. I almost ordered a penguin. Why a turkey, bro? In college, I tried to order a penguin. You got to have money for that. You know what the problem is? Look that out.

Slap people. Really? Penguin slap the fucking people. So I didn't get one because I didn't want to start a fight with, I had all black roommates on the football team. I'm like, I can't have this penguin slapping my friends. It's not a danger, Brennan. Have you seen the penguins fight when the one penguin caught his mate cheating on him? And they got in a full-on fight.

Really? And it's like, it's this hilarious video. The Aussie guy who does all those YouTube videos. To own a penguin requires a lot of permits, pake words. They'll get vicious. Yeah, I don't miss it. They'll beat each other until they die.

I'm considering getting an animal. I wouldn't mind starting off a salt macket. What about a, you ever seen a turkey in person, though? It's a fucking dinosaur. They're huge. A turkey? From another world. I got them chase me around a car.

Peacocks are wild too, dude. Dude, peacocks to fuck around. They had a couple brothers by me used to eat. Dove, actually. Dove? Really? They'd shoot them down to eat them? They would shoot them. They would trap them. They'd call them rats of the sky. You know that, huh?

Would you eat a rat? Come on, bro. No, I've spent a lot of time on penguins, though. Dude, one time, we got a rental car, and it got dented up. And so to hide the dent, we caught two pigeons and held them over the dent until they shit and kind of filled the dent in. Oh, that's smart. And then we returned the car. Damn. Yeah.

Tight move. It wasn't too bad, man. But that's back when, you know, birds were probably safer. I don't try. Birds these days, I think it's hit or miss, man. I do. I mean, just as how safe they are. But I've never trusted a bird.

Yeah. I've never, ever trusted a fucking bird. You ever see that gold eagle? You like ground animals, it seems like. Yeah, I like a nice, fuzzy, warm animal. It's going to add something to your life. A bird adds zero happiness to your life. Well, it is.

It makes you wonder, what does a bird want for you? You know, like, what is a bird? Do they really have any interest? Or they just, is it curiosity? That's why, yeah, I think keeping a bird, I can't imagine really the connection there. There's zero connection. There's no bond. Yeah.

Oh, no, there is. It's selfish, I think. I think it's selfish on the human's part. Yeah. Like they're made to fly it. Again, unless you have a penguin. You're shaving their beak down and fucking Ted Bundy. Clipping their wings.

Macaws gets super attached to the room while they're in our cage. No, no, but McCaus gets too. McCaus will get really attached to you, though. Oh, really? Yes, they love, they love, they fucking love you. The problem is they get too attached. And by the way, they're really smart. And you can't just leave them alone.

They'll pick their, their feathers out. Buy a penguin now. only $25. Due to pop of demand, all of our penguins are currently sold out. Check back later. We have $25 bucks for a penguin?

Yeah. What the fuck is going on? Because they're troubled. They slap. I don't think they slap. Bro, I'm telling you, it was a legit concern online. I really looked into it.

I was going to order one in Boulder, Colorado, and then I looked up and people like, dude, this penguin's flipping out, slapping everyone. I don't think so. That's true. Well, you should don't think about it. Just let it be.

But, I mean, I'll take a slap from a penguin's wing. No, no, not. Not every day when you walk in the door. Yeah Do they just come on and go Hey where the fuck you've been It's like George St. Pierre, dude Well, the emperor penguin is about

4 feet high Aren't they? Can you bring that up? They're about 4 feet high The emperor penguin They weigh about They're big I'm guess they weigh about

25 to 30 pounds Emperor penguin? Yeah, they're big as fuck They're big as fuck. Give me more of like a just Oh my God 4 foot 3 Oh, they're very tall

That's the size of a fucking 4 year old 51 pounds Oh that's the same size of a fucking 4 year olds. Oh, it's same size. You basically have a small human slap in your ass. With a wet hand every time you walk in the door. A hard wet hand, dude. Yeah, hell yeah.

With a flipper. Ooh, they're cute, huh? Yeah, they look cute. They are amazing. They start slapping. They're so weird looking, huh? Well, you know what they are? They're just dolphins that kind of evolve once they got stuck on a land.

I feel that way, too. Yeah, a little bit. Look at them. You tell me that's not a tall dolphin? That a bird fucked one time? Yeah. Leopard seals eat the hype. Leopard seals eat the fuck out of them.

Yeah, they do. Leopard seals just feet. feast on them all day. Well, we need more cross-breeding of animals, dude, or we're not going to survive. Look at that. You know? You think? I think so.

And I don't think, some bestiality, yes. And I know I've said this before. Like, yeah, you make love to a farm animal, some type of livestock. That's gross. But you make love to a fucking leopard? Uh-huh. You're a hero, dude. Exotic.

Yeah, you're a legend, bro. Legend. That blows YouTube up. Yeah. Man makes love to leopard in the wild. You bust in a panther? You're gangsters, you're busting loads and tigers? You've earned it.

Checkmates, son. It's a rap. Well, what was that, what was that vice thing where they fuck donkeys? That's not vice? Yeah, well, it was Vicerland. They do a thing where he goes and finds people who fucks donkeys. That's a dark arts, dude. Well, I'm curious what animals are you thinking going to be up in like, uh...

Well, we've talked about Mr. Hams before. Oh, dude. Not to, sorry to interrupt you, but I met Buzz Aldrin the other day. You met him? From space. Did you ask him if he's full of shit? First man on the moon, right? Uh-uh.

One of the first two men on the moon. I think he was the first man. Yeah, he was the first American. Yeah. And I struck hands with him. How was it? Good. Regular-handed.

Nice looking guy. Nice skin, nice hair. Nice chick, too. Had a little dime with him. Everybody about how the moon landing was fake. Can't wait to hear your emails. Had a dime with him, dude. Beautiful lady.

Really? Mm-hmm. He's a muscular guy. I mean, he's 90. Yeah, but he's still pretty jack. Yeah. He had a dime piece with him? You don't touch down in the moon and not crush it.

Yeah, I would just be like... Look at him. He's a rough looking. He looks like... You know what he looks like? He looks like George C. Scott. Oh, my God. He looks like John Wood or Woods. What's that, Robert Woods? He looks like George C. Scott. Bring up George C. Scott, the great actor. He looks like a penguin hit him a couple times. Dude, he looks like a stern motherfucker, man.

He looks like the moon fucking aged him. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to go to the moon. Look at George C. Scott. Look at the similarity. Holy fuck, they look alike. They look like old white dude That's all they look like Old white guys You know you're like exactly the same correct

What do you mean When you get over Every white guy ends That's how it goes man Wow Yeah you're right Dude I'm just I just wonder if they'll be able to figure out

That we can live forever Before all this is done man They said the first person lives at 200s alive today No way They call it being What is the word Not an amor mortal Amortal

So you'll just keep replacing parts of your body body with new body parts. So if, let's say you wanted to drain MJ's blood and put in your body, young blood, it proves that, yeah, rejuvenate your, your skins and the dead skin cells and stuff like that, red blood cells. I could see that, dude. I'd drink somebody's blood, man. No, you got to inject it, bro.

You can't drink it. It's not fucking dust till dawn. Dude, I'm sure you could hide some in your ass and you'd take a little, you know? Sure. It might absorb. Yeah, that's true. Well, you think you just have little go things? You just pop it in and squeeze it just to get that big, like true blood.

Obes, obese people, they put the shit from a skinny person into your ass. Do you know that? It's called a fecal transplant. So what they'll do is they'll take, they'll shoot, they'll literally take a skinny person's shit and shoot it with a syringe all the way up a fat person's ass. And the idea is it changes the bacteria. That's a buzz aldrin right there. It changes the bacteria in the body so that, you. Your gut now processes food differently, and you lose weight.

It's fucking weird. Dude, this kid used to poop in his yard, make me bury it when I was growing up. This boy Mario Rufino. Mario Rufino, shout out to Mario Rufino. Why did Mario Rufino? He passed away. He actually drove a boat into an embankment and died. God damn.

Drugs again? It was drugs, I think. Drugs and alcohol. Wait, so he would poo into and say, hey, bro. You'd shit on the yard and be like, yo, Theo, come bury this. In his yard, make me hide it, make me bury. Why would you hide it? Was he older?

He was older. And was he dropping logs? I don't remember that much. about the actual poops but it was he was more he was just older and I felt like you know to hang out I had to cover his shit was that a fetish of his was he like I don't know he was not able to communicate well

about his thoughts or feelings and so I just remember he'd shit I'd bury it and that was a lot of our friendship that was the relationship you didn't play like cars or video games just play the shit game I mean I think we did other stuff but he was like always kind of like he was like loud and aggressive I was passive you know had a fucking shovel

And that was it, bro. That was our relationship. All right. But I probably buried 200 to that man's poops in his yard. Wow. It's a lot of poofs in a jar, though, so it never really disintegrates or gets him in a jar.

No, you know, a jar. Why would you put in a jar for some reason? No, he shits on the ground. I thought you said he's a shuckers of shit over here. I don't know. He's a fucking jarring shit. No, you don't want to bring it up. It's not gold.

He's not bringing it back to the reserves. Didn't you say that he shat in a jar and I used to bury it? He's that in his yard, though. Oh, yard. So he's shit in his yard, and you would go and bury it. But he died, though, huh? Shout up to the shit guy. He ended up passing away.

A lot of your old friends and acquaintances died. Yeah, I think people that end up doing drugs and, you know, driving machinery at high speeds don't, the odds are against you. It doesn't mix. At a certain point, you know, when you think about it. Name anybody uses a lot of drugs and drives at top speed. Who's still alive? Mm-hmm. I can't.

Only know, too, in both of them. them died but because we well i think the odds are so many more people get away with it we just hear about the ones you get caught yeah you ever fall asleep at the wheel oh yeah did i fell asleep one time this cop wakes me up right he goes did you did you see them do you know where they're at i'm like what the fuck i haven't no idea what's going on right he goes somebody called in two wolves we're fighting in the street here right so dude i'm at an intersection of this dead town bro he's I lived in the side town for a little water in high school

fell asleep at the fucking wheel right so I'm dead of sleep cop wakes me up right he's like did you see it and I'm just like what I'm just thinking what was it you know did I do it was I involved in it who am I

and he's like talking to somebody else the other guy who's probably just across the street you know and he's like two somebody called it in two wolves fighting in the intersection

and I'm like thinking we don't even have wolves in Louisiana you know so how are you really out here looking for that but also shouldn't you but also be crying but also you have a strong driver who's obviously stalled out of the stoplight hey bro wait yeah he's the worst cops of all the time oh my god and he'd be like all right if you see anything let us know when they were out no problem officer you look at some wolves fighting damn you're drunk as fuck meanwhile they're on acid because they're they're they're seeing no big cop I used to have a problem

asleep at the wheel and we're driving to Vegas on a road trip and he's like don't fall asleep bro I'm like I got this man and I'm driving and I fall asleep and you know what woke me up you know what woke me up you went off the side of the road him snoring what Callan no my buddy that's fucking dangerous

I hear I'm like what the fuck oh my god shit and I was driving yeah I my friend told me if that starts to happen take the take your try this take the tip of your tongue and tickle the roof of your mouth and guess what? It's never

worked once. Try it, though. Well, I'm not tired, though, right now. Yeah, I'm not tired right now, so I'll be awake either way. Because tickle the roof out of the roof out. I'm like, mm, okay. Tons of things out there don't work. Touch yourself. Roll down the windows, loud music. If I'm tired enough, heat on your face.

Fuck, fuck, bro. I pull over. Dude, when I was young, I fell asleep at the premiere of Teenage Ninja Turtles. My dad, we weighed two lines in, two hour lines I fell asleep there we went to a monster truck rally I fell asleep there I fell asleep at game seven

when Mutumbo beat the Seattle Seahawks I mean Seattle Supersonics I mean it's time to go out you go out I fell asleep at a smashing pumpkins concert That's a great concert Yeah it was I mean it could have been I fell asleep I fell asleep with the wheel probably at least 40 times

I fell asleep during driver's ed while I was driving the car The guy operate the man the adult with the license Like you're going to fall asleep I was like no way dude 16 seconds later fucking dead asleep bro we had to pull over there's no music right

dude I'm falling asleep everywhere I fall in to sleep indoors outdoors fellow sleep um no I'll fall in the sleep some really good places did you have those friends

where you'd fall asleep they'd fuck with you I hate that shit like drawing your face a dick no we didn't have any of that dude take pictures

dicks in your mouth our vice principal we used to sleep and fucking you our vice principal Raleigh Coleman who was an urban gentleman

and who had a IE black Jerry curl. Yeah, he could have been black. He was dark. Jerry curl? An urban gentleman. He used to sleep in the trunk of his car at fucking recess.

He'd sneak over about a teacher parking lot. Just because he didn't why he wouldn't see him? Yep. And he would tie off his trunk with a little rope. So it was about three inches high and he would get in the trunk of his car. At least it's dark though, you know? That's not a bad idea. It'd be hot.

Yeah. Especially in Louisiana. I don't know why he liked it. But I think he just felt comfort in there somehow. You know, maybe he didn't have a parent. I don't know what some of his issues were. The Jerry curl would explain a little bit. Curled up boy

Wild Raleigh You don't see a lot of Jerry curls this day and age And I asked somebody the other day if they would come back And some guy got offended at me Black gentleman Yeah you got offended at me saying that's You know No dude I was uh

I took my son this place It's like a gym And this This African American mom brings her son there And this kid Is a spitting image of John Legend Wow He looks like John Legend

If they did a mini character He looks identical to John Legend. And I wanted to say that to him. I'm like, is that racist? No. If I go, does anyone told you he looks identical to John Legend? Why would that be racist?

I'm scared to say it. I know, but it's just, I don't know. I feel like a famous black person. If John Legend were Irish, it might be crazy, you know? Yeah, yeah, I just know what the kid looks identical to John Legend. Wow. Spitting image of him. John Legend.

I'm scared to say it. Beautiful man, dude. I remember I saw John Legend one time of Streetport, Louisiana. Small, huh? Yeah, it was, yeah. Yeah, it was definitely middle or, medium or less. I think it's like my size He's medium or less

I was at a premiere with him He was mid he was low medium And he slender men Yeah wow 5 that's on YouTube And that's a lie so it's 58 It says Bruno Mars 55 and he's 5 2 Usher 5 7 Chrissy Teagan 5 9 boy

You know how John Legend got discovered Kanye West he's playing in a hotel Yeah yeah Kanye West found him Gave him to start Well so I was in streetport Louisiana And Andy Dick offered to give me a blowjob at a strip club, right?

And I told him no. Andy! Shout out to Andy. You say me you? Welcome to the club. Yeah. Carry on. I'll tell you my Andy Dix,

sir, Karen. So fast forward, three years later, I'm back in Treeport, Louisiana working at the comedy club. For some reason, Andy Dicks there is shooting, something working on something.

I don't know what he had. He might have a child down there that he was going down to keep. I don't know. Same strip club I go over to. Andy Dixair, again, doesn't even remember three years later you offered to blow me,

offers to give me a blow job again. Again, the irony. I've never even met him in Los Angeles. You're a good dude. He's so crazy. But then we all go over to a party, and John Legend was playing there at some little, some little bitty party. Killing it. Before he's big?

Beautiful killing it, yeah. Before he's big. So Andy Dick, let's get ready to do a set at the comedy store. I don't know Andy at all. And it's just mean him in the back. And I'm nervous. It's like a year ago. And he comes, sits down next and he goes, how are you doing?

I'm like, I'm good, man. And he sits like, you know how it is back there. It's huge. like the size of this. And he sits close to you. Oh, bro. Next to me, he goes, how are you doing?

I go, I'm good, man. Don't eat in the mic, we're getting so many complaints. Yeah. So he sits next to me. Starts doing that. I don't know him at all. And he goes, I fell, you know,

I got thirsty again. I fell off the wagon. I'm like, very cool. I don't know he has a problem. Anything I go, oh, good luck with that, man. So he just talking about how he had a relapse and drinking and stuff like that. And he talks about how he was going to go on before me.

He goes, all I'm going to do is go out there. I'm going to play the flute. And I'm going to run back and you come on. I'm like, all right, whatever you want to do, man. You play the flu. This can be a nightmare. He goes out there. He's out there for like 40 minutes just doing, like tangling the audience up with a cord, doing crazy shit.

Then I go. Anyways, comes back. He's like, I'd love to be on your show. Get, give your number to my assistant. I'm like, hey, that seems fair enough. Again, I don't know any of these stories, nothing like that. Next day I get a text. Hey, it's Andy.

We'd love to figure it out. You should stop by and let me suck your dick. Right. And you know how we joke around. You think it was a misspelling? What's great about Andy? Andy is totally honest. I put, I put ha, ha, can you imagine?

He goes, yeah, I can. Seriously, come to this is, I will suck your dick. I'm like, oh, he's dead serious. Wow. Andy's always been there. Andy's very straightforward. And he's like, I don't care. I like boys.

And I'm not going to, okay, I kissed a boy. You know, I'd rather have that than him be like, okay, come in so we can do this. And then you're Harvey Weinstein up in that bitch. At least I know if I was going there to get a dick suck. And he's great. Andy's very up front. And he's very honest.

He likes guys and girls And he's fucking He's a great guy He got fired from his shit Right for the sexual assault case No he's been fired from everything But he's more of the drinking But he's one of the funniest man

He lost the job because sexual assault Yeah which was fucked up Because Andy is the kind of guy Yes I lick people Yes I kiss them And he's just all over Yeah he's just a sweet man Who's so funny

He's such a fucking hilarious man He just has an issue with alcohol And he does lick you sometimes All right You know what He's a wild cat He's not creepy he's just hilarious.

He's also harmless. He's harmless and he's wonderful. He's like having a pet penguin. Yeah. Yeah, he is a pet penguin, dude. He's going to slap you. I'm the dick with his mouth. But he's harmless.

He's harmless and he's not, you know. A lot of these allegations, man. I've wished that Harvey Weinstein, I hope if, you know, whenever he goes down in the end, I hope he also, you know, names all the women that banged him four rolls. Who are killing it right now. Yes. If he's like, you want to play this game? Well, I did this, this, this, this, then this for them.

And now, she's here. she's here, fuck you, fuck you, I'm out. But also, but also, no, I would just say, I would just say, right, he has issues, but I would also, in addition to all these issues and the things that he's done wrong, I wish he would also be like, but here's five women who came to me and said, I'm going to fuck you right now for this role. Yeah. And like you'd be some major names, do I bet. Right, but just because there's some overlap in there of a lot of this stuff that's going on. And it's just tough to see men just get all the brunt of some of the dark artists out here. No, he's taking some swings and he's hit some home runs as far as celebrity.

who came to him and he's made their careers you know what I'm saying yeah so there's a reason why he's this way all the time right I think there's been a bad mix in there I talked to a criminal defense lawyer about this and he looked at the case in New York that's against him for rape and he said the problem is that the issue is that she claimed he raped him a raped her which he very well may have the only issue is that apparently they had two more encounters where they had sexual contact and that was sort of like so that's going to throw a real wrench into not really not really i get that defense lawyer but just because they've had consensual sex before no this was apparently no obviously but what i'm saying is apparently after the

alleged rape there was two more instances however the way she says it was the guy fucking was at her door and like barged in you know afterwards yeah well i think that guy's probably got be the biggest scumbag on the planet and he's a bad example because because you know it is true there are too many stories from too many women where this fucking guy where your your whole career's on the line and you get up there and he's in a robe and he basically is like you know and he's a monster oh did you read this article about him having hiring uh ex-israeli spies to and to basically spy on all the accusers the accusers and the journalists get dirt on him yeah This guy was, I mean, so you can imagine trying to sue him or bring the claim against it before all this shit happened.

That's the power, man. It's dirty. It's just like the, it's just like the DNC. And it's just like all these politicians. But he's a bad guy. He's a terrible version. He's a bad fucking. He's a piece of shit.

I got to take a hardcore piss, all this Harvey Weinstein talking. And then let's come back to New Cardham. I mean, it's the dark arts. We're just talking about drugs. Talking about drugs. Oh, we're back on? Opiates. Yeah, we're on.

So we're live. Let's do some. We do it live. Fuck it. Current events, yeah, yeah. What do you got you? The first one, we talked about this on Monday. Will Smith, Jada Smith.

I did and I can't believe it. Did I say it to you? No, we talked about this, didn't we? They landed in $5 million? We talked about the Smith's giving Tyrese $5 million. Turns out that was not true. Will Smith, and then they came up like, we never gave him $5 million. That's what I'm saying.

And then you post video, do you know, are you up to day on Tyrese in the drama? I just know he's been upset about because the Fast and the Furious. And the Rock and all that. They don't get a long well. He's in his child custody. But he's crazy. And so then he goes,

my brother from another mother, blah, blah, blah. Will Smith is wiring $5 million to me so I can pay my legal fees. We're always brothers. And then Will Smith came out and was like, yo, we never talked to him. We're not getting fun.

We don't know him like that. A source very close to Will Smith said that they never gave it to him. But they did say that they're very worried about Tyrese's mental state. Yeah, that's Alan Iverson-esque

right there. He looks like flavor of flavor right there. He's not doing well. No, he's going crazy now. This is really nuts.

And that's thick smoke. That ain't American spirits. You know, that ain't a Native American. That ain't that juju fixer. He's having a real breakdown.

That's straight up, especially when you're lying about five million. And he was like still waiting for that wire chance when he's posting videos nonstop.

No way. Still waiting for us. He's like, I'm still waiting for that wire chance to come through but I got to go do this show. flying private in my fucking fur coat and really he's going crazy

he had like child abuse accusations from his ex-wife but those charges were dropped now those were dropped but who knows what's going on there but yeah he's okay that will smith's like what the fuck we're making five million dollars to stay off Instagram so much money he's like why where the fuck would I care yeah that's so much money that's a lot of money boy

you wouldn't give to your adult white kids adult whites adult whites yeah he's going to lose his other roles now what's the most that somebody's asked you to borrow and that you lent them you don't have to name their name but that you honestly did the most I asked to borrow or that you've asked

to borrow or someone has asked you to borrow for me I think it's just about maybe 400 bucks I think four hundred dollars Brian you've been in more issues probably because you're an adult I've lent some some I've lent in front of mine

16,000 dollars do you ever pay it back no but I didn't expect it to I gave it to him I said this is this is this is not money I'm gonna see back but I didn't do it because he just really needed it yeah and I have no regrets about it I was gonna buy this house

that was just at the time like barely out of my price range and I need help with the down payment and my friend at the time was like I'll just do it and then you just pay me back we'll have a monthly plan and then once

came down to it. I didn't pull the trigger because I'm like, no, if I can't get the house myself, it's going to cheap in this, so I didn't do it. But he was down, which I was super surprised. It is cool. Yeah, super cool. But borrowing money and that stuff, that's weird, man. Yeah, I'll just... Rather just give it away, actually, or just

yeah, if you get it back to me, you can get it back to me, but yeah, that... Because then you have... I also, you know what that expectation. If you have a real friend, like, if it's a real friend and they really need it or something that is up, and you can do it Like, you know, it's, you just have to have that choice. A lot of times you're enabling them, though.

Right. Where they're fucked-ups and then they're like, oh, can I get 10 Gs? I'll pay it back. Yeah. And you know you're just extending their time of being a fuck-up. Right. Yeah. Right.

Because other people, if they need that money, they have means of hard work and other ways you go about getting it. Sure. Where it's going to be substantial work where they're not going to borrow money. Like if you wanted to start a business, say, I'd be like, and you wanted to borrow me, you'd like, hey, I'd be, I would lend it to you because I would go. Yeah. The chance that you pay me back are very high also, you know. You see him all the time in here.

And then I would shake him down. I shake him down if I have. And you could have the audience get angry at him. You have, you have. Well, Brian knows me 16 grand from Beth from mixed martial arts fights, but that's, wow. And you're supposed to get a tattoo. A little more than 16, right? What about that little?

I'm going to get a tattoo. What about shoulders McGillacutty, that little guy that fought and beat, what's his name with a tattoos all over him? TJ? Yeah. Oh, man. That dude is. He's a fight, right? Gangster.

T.J. Super gangster. What else you got, Jim? Here, this one. So a tourist. Oh, God. So a girl brought pain pills.

Tramidol. Have you guys ever heard of Tramadol or tried Tramadol? Yes. Like back in the day? Yeah, I'm not as good as oxygen. Yeah, there's nothing to him. They're not great. They're kind of the weak fucking painkiller.

Get that shit on my face. Execution for taking prescriptment. Yeah, so she brought, so apparently she's married to this guy that lives in Egypt. She visits him like three or four times a year. Oh, she's a toilet girl. I don't know. Yeah. Something's going on there. Yeah. So she brought 25 tabs of Tramadol.

And apparently it's illegal there, but not only is it illegal, she's facing up to 25 years and even the death penalty for bringing it there. She had no idea, she says. Oh, well, light her up, dude. Sometimes you got to go. Oh, man. Jesus Christ. That's what I say, dude.

I'm sick of reading all this. It says her life is in danger. She can't stay in there any longer. She will be murdered. Egyptian jails are probably not the... This is 15 by 15. It's 15 by 15. She's in there with 25 other women with a hole in the floor for a toilet.

Yeah. Well, I say keep her in two days for each pill and then just let her out. But she's got to walk back or whatever to get to where she needs to go. Oh, wow. I think it's fair. There you game of throne style. She knows the rules. A 14 year old in Saudi Arabia had a joint and she got 30 years in jail.

And we were all told as kids, we were like, you. guys have any drugs on you and the American embassy can't do anything to help you. Saudi government will put you in jail. I was 13. And this 14 year old kid in Dahran, she was a girl, she was sentenced to 30 years in jail for having a joint. That's ridiculous. Yep, my friend Kevin made me smoke tie stick.

And I remember being forced to smoke tie stick going, if somebody caught us right now, I'd go to jail forever. Yeah. And in Saudi Arabia, they don't fuck around. But how stupid is this? So it said she could have made about $30 if she sold it. the black market well how stupid yeah they this looks like Egypt do better yeah this looks like a do better she'll be okay but this this seems to be um this this feels like it's a hard case where

she got caught up in a bureaucracy right and then they're going to look at the evidence and they'll get her out of her she probably didn't even know that it was in her purse i'm guessing you think i think she knew but it it's such a low grade level pain killer you don't think you're going to fucking 30 years. Right. And you're like, he's probably some pants

some bullshit. Who cares? But who knows if she copped an attitude? Some people, you know, if she's a, you know,

some people cop an attitude, who knows? We don't have all the facts. But, you know, the British have done a lot of harm in the world and sometimes you've got to take one down.

You're savage. He's just believes in law and order, dude. Well, look, I read this whole article and it's a piece of shit. And if I was wasted my time. You're upset?

I'm upset that this lady wasted my time making me read this shit. That makes sense. now she's affecting your life not just egypts yeah i should get five bucks you're having to read this shit you know her husband should take her in an extra day it's not a good news day

let's look at this a father is it teapain no a father killed his son because he was gay that's pretty much the only reason that's what his ex his ex uh wife said oh that guy is that kid's going hard in the paint with his lover

14 year old dude he's 14 and just out good for him that's heartbreaking man That is awful. Wait, the kid was killed by the father. Oh, the kids are highway patrolmen as well here in California. God damn, man. Giovanni Mel. I can't imagine.

He hated the fact that son is gay. The teen's former foster mom said, I'm sure that the insider's mind he would rather have a dead son than a gay son. So then the dad didn't say that. This is the teen's foster mom saying that. Yeah. Let's kind of messed up that they use that as a clickbait. Oh, the hall. There's a bunch going on here because the police said, how old is he?

14? 14. The police said the teen lived alone at an apartment where he's fatally shot. So he had a foster mother, foster parents. The dad's this moron who hated that son was gay. It just sounds like it comes from a horrible... Sounds like he's got the dumbest dad on the plane. And how old's that boyfriend?

That boyfriend looks like he might be in his young 20s. Let's get a peek at that gentleman, huh? Yeah, boyfriend. Yeah, he died here. So who knows he might be dying his roots out? Who knows what's going on here? But it is very sad. fuck

when a kid's so bad man and also the file looks dehydrated god does he ever yeah my fucking need some electrical light he needs electric light some coconut water something wrong with him some sort of pedia light

did you I'm sure you don't have it as a current invention but are you you're not a big sports fan this guy you'll appreciate this this man this guy his name was Gordon he was a all pro receiver had I think three games over 200 receiving yards he's one of the best

receivers especially in the league but he kept getting busted for marijuana over and over finally got suspended he missed a whole season they missed another season then they suspend him indefinitely for he kept failing marijuana finally they reinstated them just i think last week he had practiced with the brown stuff like that he did an interview on gq i tweeted it out they said how bad was it he said before every game before every practice i was drunk and high wow and you're talking freaking freak Wow Like set some crazy

Like three games over 200 yards receiving Like just a straight up beast Just an addict Just straight up attic though He said the way I deal with things I just shots I take shots for practice And they said how would you do it before the game

Because you have to stay at the Players Hotel He goes well they let you go home If you have to go get stuff So I just go oh I gotta go home And I have my routine I just my shot smoke Go to the game ball out

Damn I can't even go I can't, I'm afraid to meet the pizza guy downstairs if I'm Stoned. Me too. Like how can... I'm so paranoid. But I don't think black guys get paranoid, dude. You don't think they respond to it to the same?

Fuck no. I've never even met a black guy who said I'm nervous. Yeah, I haven't either. Yeah, it's good point. I've had hundreds of black friends. Not one has ever been like, dude, you know what? Feeling pretty nervous about this. That's a great point. Yeah, but they're always a scary when there's murderers and there's like magic. You know?

Type in Josh Gordon's shit. Tipe in Josh Gordon gets nervous And see nothing come up Hey Chin, is there like to bring up another parent Killing his child for us for current events? Jesus, dude. There he is, Josh, wow. Damn.

Gordon's sober. Wow, he's sober now. Dude, are you talking super baller, too? Wow. Like, I mean, all pro. If you were a nervous black person, I'd love to have them call into the show. How has he been paying me?

Not long. Yeah, Josh Gordon's at least, dude. It was the GQ interview where you released all that stuff, but. You see that in me. And the good thing is all they have to do is catch a couple balls. And on Cleveland, he will be good. Dude, the team is 0 and 9.

Are they wrong? They're the worst. They haven't won. There you go. It looks goodness. Yeah, but it's crazy, man. So look, so Gorn has been slapped with multiple suspension, repeal violent, the league substance abuse policy. Two games, 2013, 10 games, 2011, 14, entire season, 2015, 2016.

He was reinstated four-game suspension. He was on his way back playing. And then there's a worn-out for his rest. Wow. So, you know, three strikes you out. So keep going down. So they put him in. 6.4.2.30.

6.3-2.30. They put him in rehab, and it saved his life because he talks about just how crazy things were going. So he's crazy fast, too. He's in the end up. Very fast. He's like a Prius. Obviously. But in a person, that's good.

Here's the fact that's good. what he was doing? Oh, here you go. At what point did you come first say I'm an addict? He's highly functional. I was probably half a glass or a couple shots to try and warm my system up basically to get the motor running. That's what I would do for games. Check it out. So give us an example we do before games.

I used to make a ritual before every game. If I'd already been drug tested that week or that day before the game, I don't know how had a couple of days to buy, clean my system. Even before I was getting tested for alcohol, I'd take the biggest bong rip I could And try to conceal the smell out through my clothes And I'd be dressed up to go to the game Wow

A bunch of guys would smoke weed before a game Wow Bro I'd make these pre-made shots Grand Marrienne could drink it down smooth Whiskey Half a glass couple shots Try to warrant my system

How crazy is that That's awesome dude That's awesome when drugs How impressive is that? How impressive is that It is impressive I mean, look, I think some people's systems just react better with drugs and alcohol. Yeah.

But for him, it was a way to deal with the nerves and, like, the pressure in his upbringing, like, comes from a rough upbringing. You're right. Some people always have alcoholism. There's guys like John Jones, too, can do Coke and not train. They're just, and it's their way of dealing with the stress of being a professional habit. It might keep them looser or something. Or it's just they want to do Coke and still want to fight and party. Yeah, or it helps them not think.

They just like the party. Yeah, like nobody's going to say like. Or they're 20 or he's 25 with a shitload of money and fame and likes to party. Yeah. All the time. There is that. That's what I would be doing. Everyone's like their professional athletes, they should do this.

Whoa, who decides and dictates what a professional athlete should act like. Right. Yeah, dude, I was 25 and had no money and I was still doing coke and going grocery shopping and shit, you know? So it's like. Yeah. Yeah. How many of your games would you estimate that you had something in your system every game? probably every game of my career including college definitely college but see here's where it

gets weird not weird but it explains a lot i didn't plan on living to 18 day-to-day life what's going to happen next so you self-medicate with xana zanx marijuana uh coding to help numb those nerves so you can just function every day yeah that's where that's what that's how he got out of his own way otherwise he might have imploded kill him what he's like as a person like you think he's a you think he's just i mean you see something does if you watch this last chance you have you seen that show last chance you on netflix no dude watch that series what's it's unbelievable it's about it's about it's about this college of mississippi it's a documentary where um they take like the work or the they take students yes problem childs or people that have had athletic issues at

bigger universities and a lot of d1 universities and they go to this division it's a community college in mississippi um and they play football and it's the best documentary i've ever seen I'll be crying through half the episodes It's crying Yeah It's called Last Chance You And it's on Netflix

You see it on Netflix You think it's stupid I'm like you I'm good So good I saw the best thing I've ever seen That movie See ya

No it's It's so unbelievably good It blew my mind I definitely need to watch it And that Rick Flair 30 for 30's out now I watched some of it last night I just thought about

I did you see it Bro The best 30 for 30 Ever I just started watching it last night It's just me too Like late Like 11

11th Why so good? To be the man, you got to beat the man. Just the way he changed the game and like he was the first... He's the first transgender, really, that stayed male. Wow. He came out there with those jackets and beautiful... But he was the first one like showboat with girls, money, fame.

Like, he's the one who did that. So Floyd, Connor, all them got the... Really? From him. And his promos, his reads he would do, like his promos he would rip. They go, dude, you come up with new shit all the time with girls and money. How are you so creative? He's like, well, it's not being creative.

I'd do that the night before. Like, I lived a life. Like, yeah, it was what I did. But is he, where was he from originally? What was his nationality? He was adopted. And his parents, um, I don't know, man. I don't know.

But I was, I was talking about it with Chin on the big ground breakdown where I'm, I was such a big fan of Rick Fleer. The only thing that hurt was how shittyville father he was. Yeah. He was the worst dad. Really? Well, he had, he had all these kids. And it's, they, they, they, they, they, he. interview his kids and they're just pissed like he was never there he's not around and rick fleur's

like i don't know what to tell you like to be rick fleur he can't be a dad yeah he was never didn't fit there and they see he said he'd come home his wife would go his ex-wife his first wife said you'd come home and he'd be like playing with the kids and like this is so fucking born this is what i want to do and just leave yeah he would dd t the kids and shit and then just take off body then you just bring like cabbage patch kids and be like my bat here's ten of them they'd like dude doesn't work that way he was just tagging a stepdad and just yeah so yeah Yeah, they see that way to do. So then they, we're interviewing the kids.

There's just so much anger. Like, the kids, like, fuck this, dude. He was just the worst, man. He probably was, but I mean, that, yeah, what do you do? You got to sacrifice it, you know? I don't know. And he didn't have the big money in the beginning. That's when they, you know, like.

If you have kids, though, that's to me. If you have kids, that's your responsibility. I don't think you should have. Yeah, for sure. He shouldn't have had them. He never should have had them. When you have them, you got human beings, you have to take care of. But what do you, if you do have them and you're going to create that type of stigma.

Yeah, you're Rick Flair. Yeah, you're not, you're not going to be able to take care of it. It's a double-edged sword because you couldn't be Rick Flair and still do that. I'll do it out Rick Flair for a dad, though, you know. Oh, dude, I remember watching my buddy, body slam his dad one time in the yard and pretend he was Rick Flair and was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. I got to be. And if that doesn't happen, if he doesn't do that, I don't ever see that. You never change your eyeballs.

I never, like, you know, at UFC events, the whole, no matter where you're at, the crowd goes, woo, woo! And there's all those chance. I'm like, what is people's deal with Rick Flair? I think I'm too old for Rick I was too young to be a big Rick Flair fan I never got into it then he watched a documentary like holy shit bro he was the greatest thing we'd come out yeah all the lights and it just reflecting off the sequins on his gown and like you didn't even know what was going on you know you didn't know if it was a senior citizen or who it was walking out it was crazy man bring bring out of the Rick Flair let me see Rick Flair was a big deal how

wasn't even that great of a wrestler that was a thing he was just an amazing showman he wasn't a bad wrestler but he wasn't that built for it he wasn't really really big compared to the other guys yeah I was a huge wrestling fan when Rickflare was coming out when Rickflare was when I was young

huge I was a macho man warrior and uh Rico uh Razor Ramon oh yeah those guys I mean that was all that was my generation

that was WWF yeah he's WCW handsome guy yeah and he was out there in that NWA he's on and said And in the docks, they slept with the 10,000 women. Oh, this is the same guy.

Look at him here. Wow. Best of Rick Flair. All right. First of all, we'll start today off by telling you, it is Rolex time, Tony Blanchard. So don't be bringing on one of those Mickey Mouse watches and trying to impress the world.

They like jet airplanes. They like long limousines. They like fine clothes. They like lovely ladies. And in Studio 15. before a week ago, who, I tore them all that.

He's the first to, like, to like, he was the first to, like, talk like this, like, brag is a lot of that. Beautiful. Jet airplanes,

custom made clothes. And any woman in the world I want, just like that. Hell yeah. Dude, this was, this way, you can see where Connor McGregor

and all these guys get it, right? You know what it is? That's McGregor right. Fistified beef products. You're talking about all-man, Rick Flare. Rick Flare was on them stairways. Yeah, dude, he was on that test 100 in a shampoo bottle.

Why would you be, though? Why not? Oh, dude, I'd be drinking it, dude. I'd be putting it in my coffee. In bars from one side of this world to the other than you made. How can you possibly? You'll be the world champion with a body like that. Deepti Wieniavs. and the skinny-witty legs

and that, ooh, so turkey-looking neck. And I'll tell you all this. Yeah, motherfucker looking about an an aneurysm. A hemorrhoed or two, he's just freaking out. It was crazy, though, you got to see the 30-for-3. I'm not, that being in wrestling as a grown-ass man now, but that was the best 30-for-30. He was a game-changer, huh?

The only dispoint part is doing his kids or interview, and you see how shitty the person he was. I haven't watched all that yet. I'm going to watch the end of it tonight. I started watching it. I didn't see the end. I didn't watch the end. I just saw mainly begin in the middle, but it'll bum me out about the dad. But yeah, Rick Flair was one of a

kind, man. He was when you impersonated, you know? I mean, I wonder how many kids are in wheelchairs because they jumped off their roof, you know, dressed in a... Doing those flips and a bad cape trying to be Rick Flair, yeah. Now, where's that documentary? Where's that fucking documentary? The fuck up from the most depressing documentary

of all time. Wrestling with my disabilities. That's what it should be called. What else you got you? Do it. Produce it. Alright That'd be so good Some guy just rolling in like this Overe passenger A car on camera

Stealing driver's tips Oh yeah I heard about these Some ladies What do you mean? They're actually pretty hot Some feminist did it Is it a feminist?

Yeah I mean look at the lady Well he's about to drop him off And then you can see this girl looking She looks like Kendall You look right at the camera Yeah It's just jacks his tip

And bounces That's so fucked up That's so fucked up That's so fucked up Did they catch her? No That was in New York But they said they

They deleted her access to the app So they know who it is then Yeah Oh they'll know who it is Oh wow For release it Uber But also All right you delete

I'm in New York And take yellow By the way Good luck her getting a job now When you can look that up That's on the internet She's a piece of shit What if it's just a stupid

A stupid move. Yep. It's just greedy. That's what it is. Greedy, dude. I remember one time I stole something, but I think it was just like a Beavis and Butthead necklace from a shop. Yeah.

Not a driver of tips. Yeah. Beavis and Budhead were beautiful. Yeah. Oh, I'm coming. I don't remember that one. I don't either, actually, dude. I think I'm just kind of lonely.

What else you got, let's see. All right. So, apparently. What? They think it's a ghost. Well, they say it could be a prank, but the school

has no idea how it was done. The people have no idea how it was done. So, I'll just show you video. You believe in ghosts, first of all, deal? I do believe in ghosts, dude. Yeah, from New Orleans, you got it. Oh, yeah. Bro, half my friends were fucking spirits growing up.

Yeah, that sounds normal. So this is in Ireland, Dublin. Oh, definitely. They got ghosts. Dude, I'm already afraid. Hold on. Let me see the actual minute marks. Here, I'll fast forward it.

It's all right. If it's a print... Take a look at that. All right. Door open. Door shuts. Okay. This is at what time?

I don't know. 307? In the morning. Okay. That's when creepy stuff happens. And these are motion-detected cameras, so... Okay. They turn on when they see motion.

Okay. Confirmed. And then... Let's see. Right around now. So a locker is. just moving on its own. And then...

It's kind of scary. Let me fast forward to here. That would scare the fuck out of me if I was... And there's more stuff coming. Whoa. So paper's flying out of a locker. How the fuck would these kids do this? Oh, they could do this.

Do their children and they're bored? It's Ireland. They haven't done anything in hundreds of years. And then check, this is the last thing that happens. The last thing they had was up there. How would they do that? Last thing they had was a disease. What was the big disease they had?

there? Plague. With a rope? Yeah. So all the, so you're saying ropes on ropes on ropes? Just kids with ropes? Let's try that again. Let me see that shit. Yeah, let's see a little bit of that dirty magic again.

I got to see that shit again. Do you see anything? Do you see a rope on that? So there's a door here. Well, the door thing is easy because it's just somebody opens a door, you know? But no one's there. Is there? For it to close shut, the rope would have to be on the other end.

I guess you have rope on each end. there's no ropes If anything it's computer generating No they have rope in Ireland Dude And that's somebody Pushing a locker

Dude Or it's two people fucking inside of a locker Yeah because you can see There's a there's a window there So people could have been the other side Okay And then how do you explain And that looks like it's empty

So let's go look at this part How did this open it up? Hold on And then papers flew out Papers flew out first It looked like right It did kind of Can you go back and look at that

That was interesting interesting simultaneous same time so but then this this wet floor sign this is cool

and let's see how it moves what part of it moves first Jan let's go watch here it is looks like he was pulled up

from the side yeah go slow hold on slow it down brother or it's YouTube

well yeah you can do something this this guy fishing line damn Powerful, MJ, educating chin on...

It's got to be fishing on... Thanks, MJ. Ooh, it's a nice of them to say thank you, too. Holy shit, it's slow, though. Yeah. It's cool, though. All right, just give it about half an hour. Dude, look at that.

Here we go, right here. Let's see what this action is. You got to believe in the dark magic. It does seem more scary now that we're waiting for it. Because that was cool. That's... There. Uh-huh.

Like, we know, like, we don't have any... fucking idea. No, I know, like the three dorks are gonna figure it out. I think we're some sort of ghost hunting. They fuck both of you. This is, you know, I like the lady who's caught in Egypt better.

She wastes my time less than this bullshit. God damn it. They busted a man in my town trying to be a ghost, dude. They caught a man, yeah. Really? What was he doing? Grabbing girls? No, trying to keep a motel haunted and trying to make it haunted to be on a... I believe in it. Do you get charges

pressed if you do that type of shit? I mean, they caught him. driving a Dodge Ram and he was wearing a ghosting outfit. Yeah, that's creepy. I mean, it's a crime. Is that a chin or you have more dying kids? There's another one. What is it?

Someone died, just kidding. This is a DMV employee that dressed up as a sloth. That's hilarious. That's also from the movie Zootopia. That's funny. That's where you got it. Which is, oh, who is that? I laughed so hard in that scene.

Oh, yeah, I saw that as beautiful. At a DMV. Yeah. And he probably killed himself after. Damn. Why you got to take you dark, deal? Well, you brought it up dark, dude. The lady's about to get killed in a prison.

I didn't know about her until I got here. Now I have to think about her tonight. This part's hilarious. I love this. You call. Have you seen Zootopia? Three humped camel. Three humped camel.

Pregnant. So he just told him a joke? What's all it takes from a respawn? Look at his face. Ah. Ah. So stupid. She's in a hurry, too.

Hey, wait, well, wait. Priscilla. Oh, no. Yes. Flash. What? Flash is his name? Yeah.

You call. A three humped camel. Pregant. Okay, great, we got it. Three. Pumped. So funny. Ah.

Ah. Oh, my God. Here. Yes, yeah, yeah. You. Dude, remember when printers would, like, had that stuff on the side? You would print and get to rip those things. That was so awesome, man.

Is that it, Chin? That's it. It was funny. Now, how long have you guys known Chin is what I want to know here? When we left Fox Sports, we hired Chin. That's beautiful. So how long we've been here, Chin? How long we've been together?

Probably exactly here this month. Oh, yeah, November. Or November, right? Yeah, we started November. Damn, it's been a year. I know. Sounds crazy. I wanted to give a little

congrats. A little drop in knowledge. I heard two really cool Japanese concepts that my friend Hunter Mott's explained on mixed mental arts my other podcast.

What? Get ready. Is he saying something? Yeah. Most knowledge, my bad. I'll be quiet. Well, do you know, for 10 points,

do you know the two Japanese concepts of Ikigai and Katsugi? Katsugi? Yeah. Katsugi? is you know what I like to do

make a sound and see if it's an Asian word Do it in Chinatel I'll let you know right away Make one Hump damn You said God damn

What did you say Hong tam That sounds country What about this one dude Dude I'm not in a kid That sounds Vietnamese Boom see

I'm halfway around the world It's a little racist But it's a fun game That sounds like One time I said truck one time. I said truck one time. Somebody said. Chuck Tao.

Oh my God. What the boy? That's what's a what's up boy in Vietnamese. Oh. It was fun, dude. Try one. It's a little racist. But he's here.

Check tau. There you go, dude. What is it? He ordered something. Hey, you know what? There's a little racist, though, deal. You know what I'm saying? But it's fun if you are.

It is fun. Yeah. Some of those languages are, like, the Vietnamese is a strong language. Mm-hmm. You're good at it, Thiel. You're good at it, Thiel. I feel like you have some experience in the Asia. We should do this at home.

We should do this at home. Yeah. You're kind of shiro, baguero. Why do you flit flings like that? Barndoom? I feel like it's a struggle for you. It's a hard, like you're dying. It's in me, but.

Well, the reason it's like when you say derisha so haro is because there's a great deal of that in Japanese. They are, oh, I don't know, harry, samurai, samurai, ah, jane, I'm not really trying to speak Japanese right now. Yes, I am. Harakshiro, you know what that means? Hadakshino. Yeah. It means hurry up. Oh, Harachara.

Is that true, Chish? Yeah. He doesn't know. Is that Japanese? Hey, man, it's Japanese. He knows a lot, though. He's from Riverside, bro. He knows.

He's from Texas. Are you are? He's from Texas. Japanese and are very different languages, Brandon Scha. I know, but I've been to, with airports, and I'll ask what they're speaking. He knows. Yeah. Wow.

That's cool. I always pretend I know. And I just give him wrong information. No, he's long. I'm kidding. That's a good game. I talked to this, um, Stone Smith. This guy.

This guy was a Marine who was like, what do I do with my... I know somebody who sells a job from the 17 hours. I did a podcast with him. Listen, he's a stonsmith where he does, like he's like, what can I do? You do a podcast with a stoneman? Yeah, it sounds like whatever. 14 listeners. No, listen, it was fascinating because the guy fucking, he was this Marine.

He's built like a brick shit house. Yeah, the guy, the guy goes, I didn't know what's doing the job. He was a soldier for a long time. Comes out and he goes, this economy, what am I going to do? he learns this he goes and takes this by accident sees these guys talking about stone cutting and he learns the ancient art of

of fucking stone smithing which means like these guys can build walls and like fire pits and even houses laying stone on stone and without any mortar so without it they can create archways it's an ancient technique right so back in the day

they didn't use mortar so you got to cut that fucking stone just perfectly and put it together and they'll last 300 fucking years those walls like that that shit lasts forever so why would you learn that ancient art well guess what rich people pay a fuck low yeah my neighbors for a driveway like that or a fire pit or a stairway or a house whoo no because it's you know and when you deal with a guy like that he's like I create a beauty he's built fucking like just like huge all he does is he goes 70% of his of the men who come to work for him don't make the cut it's just he'll go i'll come into a driveway because he's bored it's just too hard because it's so precise he comes to the driveway check this out 500 tons 500 tons of rock

and it calls it raw rock now it's not stone till the man dresses it down till they dresses it properly so you got granite 500 tons of fucking granite and then he goes i'm going to take this and i'm going to turn that into something beautiful wow and you got to dress it every single stone and they have all these rituals and stuff and he was to talking about this fucking like he's a real samurai he's like this huge guy and i got these two awesome concepts from me he goes well i i i live i live the art of ikigai and i was like what is that ikagi you got something like that and he goes well it's the japanese thing of my life and i believe everybody should live this way it goes like this am i good at it do i enjoy it oh look i'm good

at it i enjoy it the world needs it and i get paid for it and he goes and that is is when you when you satisfy all of those four things you will you will master something I'm good at it I enjoy it the world needs it I'm good at it I enjoy it the world needs it and I get paid for it that's what that should be he said that should be all your young men young people in this world that should be your guiding principle then he talked about Katsugi which is the idea of the ancient so the Japanese they'll take a pot and they'll break it like they'll like a vase and the idea is you put it together you fill the cracks in with gold and that's a metaphor for your life because we all come broken as people and you're talking about therapy and all this is

what i was thinking about this and then it's up to you to fill all your fucking broken cracks with gold and that's that is the japanese notion of how you become a work of art how your life and you as a person become a work of art katsugi katsugi so think about that you're supposed to be broken as you get older fill those fucking cracks with a little gold i like that those two Japanese concepts I wanted to share with everybody. Hatsugi. And I swear to God, I hope you find your gold. I kind of want to build, I kind of want to build shit out of stone.

I really do. You know what? I could see you getting into some type of masonry or outdoor training of some type of a species. I need it. Like building shoes or something about a word? Well, it's so honest. Think about working with rock where you can't use mortar. Oh my God, man.

I would rather do anything else than build rocks. I don't know. It's a work of art because you have to be honest. If you don't do it perfectly precise, it doesn't work. I get so much other shit I'd rather do. I don't know, dude. It's an art form. You should take that up.

There's so much time. I know. I bet you'd finish projects on time, too. Yeah. You'd be so good at that. You'd be really responsible. Wait, wait, what, I feel like you're being sarcastic. I feel like I'm being sarcastic.

Pick up rock shaping. You don't know, my dream. Don't fucking piss on my dream, bro. Pick up rock shaping at 50s. It's not rock shaping. It's rock dressing, motherfucker. It is what it is, bro. Oh, okay.

I guess I'm dealing with. with a room full of ignorance right now. Well, it's just you trying to just not face the fact that you got here late. Yeah, maybe you're right about that. Dio, I'm joking. You're starting a podcast, my brother. Yeah, I got a podcast called this past weekend. Yeah, man, it comes out every Monday and it's been great.

And then I'm just going to be in Huntsville, Alabama next week at the stand-up alive. Where else are you at? I'll be in Calgary, a place called Cowboys just one night, and I think that's November 1st, or December 1st of Mike Young. Oh, Mike Young, my boy. Your boy, and Andrew Santino. I love him. Oh, I love San Antonio. So we're pretty excited about that.

Damn, killer lineup. Yeah, so just one night in Calgary at a place called Cowboys. But otherwise, I'll be in Huntsville, Alabama, November 16th through the 19th. And you can check out my podcast this past weekend. Nice. And, dude, I appreciate you guys having me so here so much. Open door policy with you. Always.

You make me laugh harder than anyone, man. Thanks, man. I like being around you guys, and I just appreciate getting to work with you the other night and to see you at the club this week. You're a work of Katsugi, dude. You're the best, man. All your cracks are full of gold. Yeah, good luck finding gold.

Thanks, dude. And good luck with your rock building. I appreciate that, man. It's not rock building. It's rock dressing. I'm not going to tell you that again. Good luck. And it's not rock.

It's stone. Tell your therapist about shaping it. It's stone. I'm trying to not shape my rocks as much because it can become habitual and you can have a bad habit of jerking off at night. Okay. It's a legit point. Before it touches human nature.

Be time where you're going to be, man. I'm going to be at New York City, November 17 and 18th at Gotham comedy club if the fires permit oh if the fires permit and then we got not if you pick up rock building you don't have time for comedies it's not i'm gonna tell you again hey end of the day leave me rock villain it's about it's dressing though i love playing with legos when i was like don't say you're telling you just does it with rocks don't say that then drops jasmine metaphors no it's stone he's a stone smith you build rocks you are ignorant it's a stone smith bill rye made bills beautiful things yeah i did too when i was 12 and don't ask me about rammed earth

housing. Yeah, I won't. I can't talk to you about this shit. Keep on with your dates. I'm at Wise Guys, Thanksgiving weekend, and then I am at Cobbs Comedy, come December 7th, 8th, and 9th. Come see me. Let's see. This coming out Thursday morning. Tonight, I'm in Charlotte. Are you really? Charlotte. Friday and Saturday, I am at Zanis in Nashville. Sunday, I'm in Columbus. Come see me, TFATK.com. Most of those shows are sold out, but

we're releasing my comp tickets so it's charlotte tonight friday saturday nashville sunday columbus get em tfackk com this is the final kid we're out