The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 325 Theo Von

Episode Date: October 5, 2025

The 2017 Guest of the Year is back! Brendan is joined by Theo Von in studio for Episode 325 of The Fighter and The Kid. They discuss creatine, being nervous on stage, mystery bones in a ditch, and much more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. But MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. There we go. Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch.

Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now, for you.

the Onet Studios in Pliya, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. We're not live. We don't do live, right, man.

And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Not live. This is not live. It's not live. What do I get that title bell, too, for guests? I know, we got to give you an award. Make a fucking belt.

We should make a belt. You know how many freaking mooks I had to talk to on the fucking web to fucking get that shit? All right, ladies and gentlemen, Brian the Kid Count is on set. So I had to send out the bat signal. We got the 2017 guests of the year. Theo Vaughn up in the house. Gucci gang, son. Gucci gang.

Even text Gucci gang. Good to be out here, dude. It's good to be. Hey, man. This is the gayest little microphone. It feels like a... It's all over. in your grill.

Oh, it feels like a, like the weakest one-arm black kid is trying to give me a hug. That's what it feels like, dude,

like if you go like this. You're black skill. It's so like, whoa. Somebody feed this boy and then bring him back to the hug ring, you know?

Because he ain't ready for fucking real two-arms. This dude ain't ready. He hug him with one arm. He's not ready. You didn't want to sit in Brian Count see,

it's a little too close. Yeah. It's a little awkward, too. Yeah. Two men's in Ford and cheers. We had turned in each other. And

They slowly start turning. You can, I can tell if when I first came in here, they're a little more straighter. And then over the years, it just keep turning to each other. That's Brian, man. That's Brian. So, y'all fucking just morph into one idiot. Yeah, Brian wouldn't be close for whatever reason. Yeah, I feel like I'm in business class over there. That's what I feel like the whole time.

But thanks for, yeah, man. Thanks for hitting me up. And thanks for having me in. Yeah, guest of the year, man. Yeah. That was exciting, dude. It was exciting. You edged out, Christalia, barely.

Yeah. His fans are not happy. Probably not, dude. Were they? Ah, you know, it goes. Yeah.

Um, they call them daddy. Oh, they do? Yeah. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

That's going to end in court. What's been going on, man? You had a show last night. Yeah, had a show last night. Yeah, thanks to your voters, man.

Thanks to your listeners and, and the people who voted. That was nice of them. So, appreciate it. You killed it. We had fun coming in here. You did the work.

Shoot, last night, the comic store had to cancel, man. just under the weather. And I leave for Portland tomorrow. So I just had to get better. I had to get better. I was hoping I'd see you.

The lineup was insane, man. Yeah, y'all's lineup upstairs is really good. Nutsos. It looked like, yeah, you look like you're holding water in the face a little bit. Yeah, a little bit. Are you? I'm sure. Are you on creatine?

No. No, maybe just carbs. I don't know. Are you on creatine? Uh-uh. We used to have a stepdad. He was in the war, right? And he made my sister get on creatine because he was real lazy, dude.

He thought it was going to help with, like, laziness. So she was just lazy And fucking on creatine Did she just get all bloated Yeah But it didn't help anything She said honestly dude My sister is pretty wild

She got strong huh She got She said she felt like her body Turned into a water bed That's what she said Because she was I guess just holding water It does hold water

And she would sleep more then Wow yeah So we kind of did the opposite Just that comfort yeah You ever been on that creotine Oh yeah When it first came out dude It was a big deal

Oh, man, I'd hide that shit in my ass. Kids were doing anything for it. Remember when it first came out? Yeah. Creatine is a big deal. I remember how the grape flavor. It was not cheap. It was like 40, 50 bucks.

At least. To get jacked, dude. Water jack, they call it. Water jacked, yeah. That water's swollen. Oh, yeah. You could cut somebody and, fucking, and feed your plants, you know? I just set last night at the comedy store, go.

It was okay. I think they had some people from Netflix that were out, so, you know. Yeah, I think just coming there. supposed to come out you know so i think i had a little bit of nerves up top just because so did your agent or manager was like yo tonight at the comedy store netflix come to see you perform yeah yeah when they were supposed to come right for the holidays and they couldn't sit and they came you know allegedly came last night but uh yes i was a little bit nervy up top you know and i wish i wouldn't have been but then once i settled in i was real comfortable once you hit the stage you're good

right yeah just before no i think right when i hit the stage i'm a little nervy i think my nerves come from the fact that I feel like things are so like a lot of these a lot of executives and stuff are so like not liberal but just so like one way that you can't even like you can't even joke you don't offend them yeah it's like I feel like no matter what I they're going to see it as offensive even if it's a lot of what I do is satire so it just spooks me a little bit however Dave Chappelle's special that helped differ yeah you know like Netflix and let that fly you should be all right yeah that's true it's a good point but then I feel like some comedians are grandfathered into that where it's like if you're at a certain you know you're already at a certain

status then you're yeah then you can live right there yeah you can say whatever you want i think you're good man i think they would need something like you know i'm saying you would think dude but i think they also want to just you know a lot of they just want to keep putting mooks on and just piss everybody and the rest of america off until people start fighting you know maybe so you were just like tense because sometimes what happened to me like i did this thing for the golden globes Oh, yeah, on the red carpet? Yeah. I saw your shoes on your Instagram.

Thanks, Doug. But I was a little nervous before that. I'm like, why am I nervous, man? This isn't, it doesn't make sense why I'm nervous. I would be. I was nervous for you, bro. I really was. I was like, damn, dude.

This guy's going to fuck it up. No, I was, no, I'm never worried about that. It's just, I don't know. I don't know if it's nerves or sometimes I think people get confused with nerves and excitement. Right. Like, I was excited to do the show. Yeah. But then, like, I've been thinking.

Because I'm my big show in Boston, the Wilbur Theater. It's like, God, I hope I don't fuck it up. Well, why would I fuck it up? Right. I've done this show how many times? I mean, I have new bits in it, but I've done how many, and I've never messed up one. Why would you even plant that seed? It makes zero sense.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, maybe I'm planting some of those seeds myself, you know? I just wish that I could figure out why some things I go into and I do not have nerves and other things I go into and they do show up. Because you care about it. Yeah. Because you want Netflix. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's it.

And you should be on there for sure. Maybe it's because I care about it. Yep. That's usually what happens. That's a good thing, though. I'm sure you did good. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, I did good.

But I just want to do perfect, you know. But yeah, man, that Red Carper, what did they have you guys do? It was like a panel. So we had to, we watched the award show, and then we were the after show. So we'd have, like, celebrities come. It was just a panel of me in, like, three fashion and celebrity experts. Were you, did you say a lot of stuff? Or you just kind of chill?

Oh, wow. That was bravey, dude. You get scared some. sometimes before you talk uh i'm i'm just i just have to remind myself like don't don't cuss it's live you know this is whatever i'll cuss whatever oh yeah but then also they threw a wrench and they're like oh do you not a repromptor i've never read prompter in my life i'm like yeah no doubt no doubt cool you're doing you're taking lead on prompt i'm like okay let's do that and it's in wing dings man sometimes they'll sneak a wild font to at you through that prompter dude or it'll go real

slow and you're like come on man so that's where that's where it messed me up because it went almost too slow oh yeah sometimes that's like we'll be right back live from the red carpet here they're going to you know sometimes that they get a prompter from like one of those mental health facilities

or something where somebody they have a lot of mental people that are in there and they're reading slow yeah they're reading slow because they'll get bootleg ones that are cheaper and how you save money is the people that are using them are mentally handicapped and so then you get this, you got to stay, they only on that one speed, you know?

Just that one speed, yeah, it was super slow, super slow, dog. I'm digging the New Orleans Saint shirt, man. Yeah, man, they're into it, dude. We got a shot this year. Yeah, I think the coach is on pills. I think he's on percocet's, but. Why is that? You know, apparently you can coach an NFL team on them sets, man.

Yeah, they kind of run themselves as a head coach. You're old coordinator and D coordinator doing everything. Yeah. Kind of. I can't even imagine. Like, I think Belichick is like a real coach, you know? Yeah, kind of. And then after that, I feel like it kind of falls off.

He's a strategist. And then you have the offense coordinator and defense coordinator calling the actual plays. But then with the head coach, once you get that level off, so you know what you're doing. Once you get that level, it's like, oh, fourth and short, should we go for it? That's his call. Yeah. Dude, I would love to see. I saw two dudes fucking, I saw two homeless, not dudes.

One of them could have been a woman making out yesterday, actually, when I was on, what is that, Robertson? Really? Just two homeless dudes making out? Could have. I think a one of them was a woman but had kind of short hair. It's tough to tell? Yeah, I was going pretty fast. You know?

He just kept the unkeeping on? Oh, I can genderize a homeless person at about 10 miles prior, but anything over that? It's up in the air. It's anybody's ball game, I think. But, yeah, they were making out, dude. Well, you got to come by where I train because there's this, at Boxing Burn, there's like this alleyway, and I saw two male bums jacking each other off. Yeah, a little morning wood.

Oh, yeah. A little morning ham. job. Dude when I was growing up, I don't know if I told the story on here, but they used to have, you know, they have this rest area, you know, where a lot of men would meet and drug-induced homosexuality would occur, you know? I'm not talking straight up natural homosexuality. I'm talking drug-induced.

Meaning you're on drugs and then you're gay. Yeah. You know? You're only gay when you're on drugs. Yeah. Word. So, because that's a lot of, that's a side effect of a lot of drugs, you know, and they don't put that on the little bags, you know?

No, never. that you might meet a buddy you know and they used to like wake up with a chapped lip you might wake up with a chapped dick dude you know

and and so this they had these dudes that would shoot a lot of men would meet up behind this rest area to do drugs

and then coagulate you know do the thing yeah do all kinds of things and stuff and so sometimes we would sit across because I live

across where I lived it backed up to this river where you could see across to the rest area. And the rest area is but behind the interstate. So there's a river between me and the interstate. And then between the river and the interstate is the rest area.

And so we get, one time we go down there and these these dudes, man, these two big guys that are shooting potatoes across this river with a potato gun, they have binoculars. Love a potato gun. Anytime like two fellows would get a little too fucking sensual, they'd fucking fire a tot over at him, dude, across this river. Some real freaking haters, man. Real cock blockers. Oh, yeah. We didn't mean cock blockers. Yeah, we didn't know what they were doing.

We're like, what are you guys doing? And they're like, we're firing these tauts over at these boys over there on dope. And so we start looking at- These tauts to stop this game is. So we start looking through the binoculars. And look, man, I mean, yeah, anybody should be able to have sex with anybody they want 100%, dude. I'll fuck your cousin, bro. But what I'm saying is I'll fuck your cousin, I'll go in blindfolded, dude, all in before the deal. All right, all right.

So whatever, bro. Maybe he's gay. I'm not. but what I'm saying is that that it doesn't matter but these guys were intent on stopping these fellows but if they just hugged or anything no tot

but if they started if one of them started going if they started it was really almost a vertical issue once they started getting a little too horizontal yeah you can't have it you can't have you can't tot it up and they went on lunch break and and we got to take over me and my buddy

firing these tots and we can only shoot them like to the middle of the river though oh so then you saw But it was fun. It was kind of like a Civil War reenactment a little bit. A little bit. Yeah, it had that vibe, you know. Kind of. But anyway, I'm just saying that, yeah, that kind of stuff, that kind of stuff goes on, man, you know.

What were we talking about? I forget. You had some friends shooting Tater Tots like, hey, guys. They weren't friends of mine, dude. They were locals. Big difference, man. My buddies wouldn't, I don't think they would do that. Well, we did do it on lunch break, but that's just.

But you didn't hit them. You just, it's just fun to fire. What was the last time you saw a potato gun? We were the halftime show. Oh, at college. Really? Yeah, people used to have them. People used to shoot them across like one apartment complex had a bunch and another

apartment complex that I had a bunch and they would just shoot them in each other all the time. Louisiana State. Oh, word. And University of Arizona, actually, as well. But people would just launch them, you know, this potato. They were like rocket launchers. It's kind of dangerous. Yeah.

Oh, it was fucking vegetable ISIS out there, dude. People would show up for one of those. It's super dangerous, man. Dude, I saw a dude pull up one time, just stop, hit a knee, fire off two. Two fucking tauts. Oh, get back into a car and fucking jet. I don't even know where they win. Dude, they're fucking hard.

You haven't hit by a potato gun? No. Oh, my God. Wow. And fuck your world up. You seem like somebody that would get shot at. I agree. Chin looks like a bad guy.

Chin looks like a bad guy from an 80s movie. Doug, you got to start wearing a makeup or something. You do. All right. Is the leather jacket rolled up? The first day I wear a leather jacket, too. I'm not mad at it, man. Oh, wow.

Yeah. It's cold outside. How do you feel in it? Because I feel different in different types of coats. I always feel the same I wear sweats all the time I always feel the same when I dressed up in a leather jacket

You feel different, Thiel? You seem different, I think Yeah, I see, yeah, a little cocky in that Yeah, it does A little cocky in it Seemed like, damn, who the fuck is that? Yeah, you know? I agree.

Even though I know him. Yeah, you call him the dream Yeah, you call him the dream That fucking yellow dream, huh? He said Korean dream. Korean dream, dude. Yellow's it would be racist How's that not ice cream flavor, dude?

Korean dream, bro. I agree. Dude, Koreans are full of dreams, man We saw this Asian guy Could have been Korean He fell off a building When he hit the bottom Dreams came out of him, bro

By dreams do you mean guts and blood? No, I just mean you could just feel The fucking fragments of ideas And hope and imagination Fly out of his body We were talking about Being on podcast And you said

We were talking about Rogan I said you were on there for three hours So he said, I ain't never talked to anyone For three hours Yeah, man Well, Joe and I didn't know We didn't know each other you know

and that's the first time you've had a conversation with them I think so yeah so I didn't know I brought some oranges over there and uh

because somebody said he likes you know somebody said he likes fruits and vegetables so I brought some I had some what are those tangerines or tangeloes

out of sac of tangeloes at the house I'm not mad that and yeah brought a little piece offering some tangelo yeah brought what I had

you know um yeah but we think about it when's the one's the last thing talked to someone for three hours. Oh, I've never talked to somebody for a whole life. I mean, unless you're a 16-year-old girl on the phone.

You're not talking to people on the phone for three hours. Not even in court, not even in a relationship. Never. That's why podcast is so unique. Yeah. Like I see at the comedy store, we rap for a little bit. I mean, two hours. This thing goes, you know, hour and a half, two hours. Oh, we talk until Brian shows up and fucking ruins the conversation, dude.

But yeah, that was the first time. And I never talked to anybody for three hours in my whole life, dude. And I told him that on the show. I was like, man, I never talked to anybody. When would you? Why would you talk to? I mean, not even if I was married, dude. If I ever, I think they should have like, you know, word limits on spouses, you know?

Like a word for the days, almost like Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like 144 sentences in a day? Yeah, that'd be nice. Uh-oh. Judy's got about four sentences left. You better use his lies, girl. Better make it count.

Going to be a quiet spring. Hey guys, come over. Barb already used up all her words. So ridiculous. But that would be, you know, I think in the future we'll have stuff like that, man. You think? Dude, I was thinking yesterday about virtual reality, right? And I was thinking, because to me, one of the biggest problems in America is you have people that just live in different universes, right?

Like, I would never, like, a lot of people where I'm from are gun owners, you know, and they want guns and they like guns, you know? and here people are like no way you know no guns more liberal yeah yeah so but and i get it like yeah would you have a gun in fucking beverly hills dude fuck no bro it would weigh you down it would look weird in your pants right oh you're talking about concealing a weapon yeah at well yeah i mean at home it makes sense right to have a gun at home yeah it's a little different because then you're protecting your home yeah but you want to be walker texas ranger with a gun in your pocket in Beverly Hills. That's always weird to me.

People carry guns. People that carry guns, right? Yeah, makes me nervous. But even just to have a gun or to see guns around in Beverly Hills, it'd be crazy. Crazy. But then you go to like, you know, you go to New Orleans and then not to have a gun, not that crazy, you know? To have a gun in your truck, have a gun sitting there, have a gun nearby.

I feel like that's the South, right? Yeah, the South, the Midwest. Like Texas, too. Yeah, Texas love. They really like to have guns, you know. Good luck taking their guns. Dude, they had a guy, I remember like 15 years ago, they tried to install a fucking rifle and it was, he had lost an arm doing something. You know, trying to make him like a robocop with just a.

Yeah. And dude, he lost an arm doing something crazy. I think somebody threw something and he tried to catch it with something heavy and he was already like on a raft or something and it just took his arm off. Damn. You know? Like somebody threw, some idiot threw him something real heavy and he grabbed it and caught it, but then it was. He just kept going. And his arm off.

Yeah, fucking took his arm off, dude. But he caught it. He caught it. That's the good point. But they were going to turn that into an AK-45 or some shit? He was trying to get a rifle. God damn. Even like, apparently got in touch with the rifle, you know, Smith and Weston

on one of these companies and tried to get him to install a rifle into his bone. That'd be sick. Super dangerous. That'd be sick. It'd be dope. He's super dope. How did your last surgery go? Still rocking it?

Oh, I got that nose surgery the last time. I got the hair. I know you got the hair. The hair looks good. It's coming in. Well, here's the thing. I got some of my mom. mullet, take it out of the back and put it into the front right here on the rim.

Yeah, I'm not mad at that. On this cuss. But you've never had a issue. It's not like you were losing your hair. No, I just want that front mullet. All right. That works. Because nobody's got that.

You had a nose job? No, I didn't have a nose job, dude. I'll take one if he wanted to put money in. Like, you go fund me for a nose? Yeah, it'd be so crazy. But actually, it'd be too weird. But I couldn't breathe at night. When I would go to sleep at night, my nose, I couldn't breathe less and less.

You ever wear one of those strips like an asshole? Oh, I'd wear three of them. they don't work right oh they worked for me dude really oh bro i'd fucking feel like i was coming some just come was just building up in the just puddling up in the back of my hair wow so you'd use those and they'd open up your earways yeah i can feel how good it feels right now with those things on because you got to do three though you got to have one on the regular and you got to have two at the slot you got to build a bridge oh dude you got to have you got a friend of georgia tech to help you out bro you've got to have a blueprint there you got to go on the plan you got to go do it right

Oh, in the deep web, there's different ways you can really get your breathing messages open, yeah. Well, you, would you have a deviated septum? No, I just had some fucking, who knows, man. You know, I don't remember what happened. The man said I could have got hit by something. I remember somebody threw something at me once,

but it knocked me out, and I don't remember what it was. Damn. And then I remember, um, what else happened, dude? Fell into something that was made out of cement one time, a headstone. We were jumping on different headstones at the graveyard when I was young. Fucking took one to the dome. That might do it.

Yeah, it took a 70-year-old right to the dome, boy. And what else happened? But I don't know, but I felt like the devil was trying to choke me out at night because it would get less. There's nothing worse. Nothing worse. And so finally. So you said you did or didn't have surgery. So I went in and they put you under.

I thought you're just going to stop in. No, you can't just stop in and fix a nose. And I'm like, yeah, you need nose too. Yeah. And they went in, dude. They went in there. You know, and that man got in there and I was asleep, you know, which I think is a little fucked up. I'd rather be awake and see who

is in there. You don't want to be awake for that shit. I don't want to be, I mean, I don't know these people. It's true. You don't let somebody you don't know, get inside your body while you're asleep, dude. It's illegal. It's assault, brother. Yeah. Yeah. So what I was worried about was you know, just what would happen.

And I went in there and he said it was a mess. Really? They get in there and they like shave down like parts that are way up in here in the top. So you don't see anything. You couldn't notice it. But he said there was a lot of scar tissue. in here that they could cut and like a and like um and just stuff like that but I can how long ago was that dude I blew a fucking bat wing out of one of my noses one morning

dude it was a booger that honestly weighed after the surgery oh a gold miner would have turned it in for cash bro this thing was huge gelatinous yes it looked like an embryo for something after the surgery you're saying yeah dude I had uh no surgeon they had to put brackets in my nose really then they had to do stitches to keep the brackets in yeah because I shattered my nose all sorts of places from a fight from a fight from the elbow oh it's the worst the worst so i'm on pain killers getting addiction off of it from then yeah i'm on addiction of painkillers after the no surgery but then they went in i had these brackets of my nose for weeks and weeks and weeks then i got coming we got take them out and i was so scared for them

take them out and they just they just snip the stitches and pull it and like this thing like this big comes out of it and it felt so glorious oh it felt nice Yeah. I feel like a candle coming out of the house. Oh, damn boy. Like a big old candle. That'd make you spray out, dude. It was glorious.

It's kind of wild, though, different ways you could really come if people really could master the use of different canals in their body. Agree. You know? Like, that was damn near close to sex organism. Dude, I took a big dump on ecstasy one time

and almost came. See, I've heard that before, though. And that's pretty wild, you know? It's a little scary. Did you make you feel a little homoerotic? You could feel the squirrels run a little. little you know what do you mean yeah makes you feel you know like men might know you like men might be trying to get to know you yeah i hear you i think but what else man we're talking uh with mj

she just got back from europe and when she went to amsterdam i said you saw the girls there she almost got her phone taken because they're trying they're trying to film the girls oh really because you can't do not her oh in the red light district yeah my friend took my phone to take a photo of me, like, in front of the girls, and this girl came out, and, like, almost, like, attacked us and, like, took my phone away. Yeah. That's a known thing I thought, like, you're not supposed to take photos, but my friend, like, insisted on it, so.

Is there signs saying no pictures? I don't, it could be in Dutch. I don't read Dutch. Yeah. I think there'd be, like a picture of a camera, yeah. Like a hooker beating a woman with a camera. Yeah, for real. Like, a girl taking pictures in the hooker like this.

Like a sign or something. I'm not from there. Also, you're a girl. If you were a hooker, do you think you'd want to? Well, maybe it's part of the culture. Like, people love it, I guess. That's a way to look at it. Have you ever been to Amsterdam?

Yeah. I feel like you'd get in some weird shit in Amsterdam. We went to a sex show. I took my girlfriend over there, and we went and watched this sex show. And it was, the main stars were out, I guess. It was like a flu going around, and so they had some real third stringers on the wheel. They had the B-Tee? Oh, dude.

They had the fucking water boy and his female cousin in there, you know? I mean, this is something in your country. They probably would have ate these people. but here's what I'm saying is that it was like a lazy Susan right and so you get in these little you get in a little room that are all around this lazy Susan and your little room has a window that faces what's a lazy Susan a lazy Susan is like a thing that spins around the grandmother had like if you opened her drawer okay and you spin it yeah yeah so there's windows all around this lazy Susan yeah there's windows all around this lazy Susan and you go in and you get your

little booth and you can go stand in there and watch uh it through your window to see the lazy Susan's. So you can see a few other people kind of vaguely who were in their window. You can't see them doing like jacking off. You can't see them, but you can guess that they're probably jacking off. Okay. And then you can see it a little bit in your head, you know, in your imagination. Yeah, and then what was going on on the... So I was in

there, oh, it's too fucking... I mean, it was like, the guy could barely even fuck, dude. It was like he had just won like a fuck drawing somewhere that he never thought he would win, you know, but he did all the entries. And it was like, he was

fucking somebody it was fucking somebody he knew he wasn't supposed to be fucking you know it's like the first couple times like you ever pierce here yourself but you don't put it all the way through the first time you just kind of keep checking for where it's okay

that was this too bro it was like you just trying to figure it out on the fly oh yeah he was a crowd yeah he was just working freelance working freelance man and the girl was not hot

oh the girl was not hot bro and then here's the crazy thing then I didn't want to watch them fuck no I wouldn't either you have to stay in your little cage until the eventually finishes I don't know please no please no dude

I don't want that I thought those were the rules son no you just have to stay in there until like it's until like there's a certain amount of time I think it's three minutes something you get in there before your door open up oh thank God so then you're like locked into watching these people fuck dude

And it's almost, it got harrowing, man. I was like, I was like cheering at first for, kind of for somebody, and then I wasn't. And then I just like, it's like when you don't want to watch the game anymore. Yeah, you're just over it. You're like, turn the shit off. And then was your girl feeling it? I think she was, dude. But she and I had a tough go out there in Europe, man.

Just like traveling around. And we didn't have a lot of money, so we were doing it. It was a while ago. Yeah, this is probably about nine years ago. Oh, shit. And we're, you know, we're traveling around, you know, backpacking and staying out. like camp out at campgrounds and shit like that because you know it's fucking cheap

dude you know and so we're staying out of campgrounds and shit like we weren't even staying with like other tourists we were staying where we're staying like where local poor people were so it was so you got the real experience crazy but she probably hated it oh it was rocky man you guys are you all the time out there oh we almost got arrested at this grocery store did she was beating me

with fucking frozen items or semi-frozen and it'll freeze things as deep as we do yeah that makes sense we waste a lot of electricity freeze and stuff real deep over here. We freeze too deep. I agree with that. I've always thought that, man. You go in there, some of that shit.

It's too much. We don't need this solid. There's turkeys? You're like, what the fuck, dude? Frozen fucking solid. Like, what'd they do? Dazed on thawm. What they do?

I want to read the backstory on this thing to see if he deserved this. Because they'll have those birds. It's unbelievable. Yeah, man. So that you and that girl, when you got back, did you break up with her? Yeah, I remember.

Oh, I remember the last moment, really, of our relationship. was she I was at the bottom of one of those um you know moving staircases escalators and she pushed the fucking luggage we have one of those smart carts yeah and I was yelling something for the bottom and she just pushed that motherfucker right down the escalator she's spicy she's spicy yeah white girl yeah pretty white man and she uh and that was it man when you got back it was over you find out a lot about someone on a long trip yeah and I'm sure I was the problem ah maybe i'm sure it's both maybe just didn't mix probably get two good people just didn't mix especially it's stressful no money you travel around europe eating bread watch this this mutant

fuck this other thing you know like that didn't help the cause oh man it was the fine it was bad cuisine of the it was like watching the browns and the giants play dude yeah it's a bummer it's a waste of time it's like jesus christ it's not even raining and they're playing like it's in the rain you know people have umbrellas and shit like it's It's not even fucking raining. What the fuck, man. But yeah, man, I had a wild, I had a wild holiday, man. Had some pheasant or something.

Have you ever had that? No, I don't eat a lot of gamey food. Yeah. Rogan Brian talked all day about pheasant. Did you go back home? Yeah, I went back to Louisiana. And it was, you know, I've never been anything up in a dark art. It's like a pedophile or anything like that.

And I don't believe in that kind of shit. If anybody's out there doing that, shut it down. But I do, pedophiles. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A dude's a ton of party with children. Yes. And, but I'll say this, dude, when you have, if you're eating pheasant, dude, there's a party when you cracking into this little thing. You're like, this is, this isn't what God wanted for us.

It's not right. No, have you ever had them? You've had them. No. Come on, guy. I'm surprised, Chin's already. No doubt, dude. Chinnie's sushi from 7-Eleven

Oh, dude, you've had it in. Ralph's. Yeah, then you've had it. Yeah, you've had it. So the pheasant's a baby bird? Yeah, man, it's something. It just was killed early, it seems like. You know what I'm talking about that?

That's like veal too, right? Yeah, veal's the same thing. That just doesn't seem right to me. Yeah. Yeah, they don't let it move and then let's fucking eat it. God, it's wrong. And you're eating the hips and butt of it, really? Yeah, it's so fucked up.

Yeah, people name it. It's so fucked up, man. is the regular beef not good enough for amen it's just too much when you're because this little thing you have to like move its legs and stuff and so and the legs like want to fall off in your hand and you're like oh oh damn dude who made and there's somebody else the table just if i can throwing it up and catch it on the town what kind of savages made pheasants people in mississippi yeah yeah people in mississippi man they'll eat anything out there dude they'll fucking eat anything i had a friend of mine's aunt died out there

there, a turtleneck, she wore a tight turtleneck for like nine days in a row, and it cut off her fucking windpipe and killed her. Fuck. Was it the tightest turtleneck of all time? Wasn't that tight, but she wasn't that strong. And she was getting older. Over the year, like over time. And she didn't

change her shirt. So a lot of that's on her, you know? Yeah, who's to blame here? You know what I'm saying? Well, they tried to sue the company. What was the, who made that fucking bum equipment? I don't know, Rob. What's like you saw? Turtlene. Maybe Oakley made it. But that neck, boy, that's a fragile instrument, you know?

Did Stoosey make her fucking turtleneck? I don't know. I haven't seen her. Turtlenecks are coming back, though. They're back. They're back as killers, dude. Yeah. The silent killers no longer emphysema, son.

It's that fucking turtleneck. Dude. She wore her for eight days and then it shut her down, boy. It was just her time to go, you know? If a turtleneck gets you out of there, it's probably go time. Yeah, then God wants you, you know? What else you got to go? going on man

just trying and get on Netflix just doing your comedy thing podcast is going good yeah podcast this past weekend is going good we just got our

highest listenership last week sick man that's really good we got 23,000 episode 23,000 listeners

perhaps then on last week's that's great man I think it's our highest one and it's you and who else just me

so it's just me talking about like basic life suggestions for struggling males you know men that are out there in the dark arts

jerking off crying in their truck and anything else you can think of It's tough these days for white males Oh Yeah, we're just Yeah So you're kind of the voice for them

I don't know man I don't even know what I'm talking about But you know I feel like I'm just trying to share What's going on you know I told you when I was I told you said the comedy store When I was in Buffalo

I was talking to the manager And he's like dude who should we bring in him Like you guys need a You gotta get Theo in him man Oh, thanks, man. Got to get Theo down here. All the clubs, like, who's the funniest one? I'm like, you got to get Theo on this bitch.

Thanks, man. You'd kill it, man. Yeah, I appreciate it. I told you, yeah, I told you all you used to be friends with J.P. Losman, who was quarterback up there. That's right. And we used to go up there, and he was like the king. He's from Tulane.

Yeah, he went to Tulane. And actually went to school in Venice out here in Los Angeles. Did he really? Yep. Makes me like him even more. Yeah, we used to be, but he's a nice guy. I haven't seen him in a while. He moved to New York and got into real estate.

After the bills? stock market crash so who knows he's really sound like could have been a tough decade for him yeah you would go would you go up to buffalo and party with him you guys go out of like brook yeah I went up there went up there we had a good time I think I went up there two times and we had fun yeah it was just a neat experience just to see somebody you know like get to be a quarterback in the NFL

how'd you know him I just met him at Tulane and um yeah we'd just go hang out and stuff sometimes was he wild what was he like he was athletic as all get out. No, he was kind of like a little bit of a, just a basic kind of guy.

You know, not simple, but just basic. And he'd like to kind of learn. He was kind of, he liked to kind of learn. I think the NFL might have been, from my perspective, it might have been, you know, I don't know if he knew how much of a leader maybe he was supposed to be on a team, you know? Yeah, especially as a quarterback. Yeah. And maybe there was

already a lot of egos on that team, I think. Yeah. And also, it's fucking Buffalo, who even knows what's going on? Tough gig. I mean, that place is. A lot of neck tattoos, Rochester. Well, you get over to Rochester, dude. You'll see ink on a woman's neck out there. Eish.

You know? It's a bad look. It's a heavy look. I'll tell you what, Buffalo, though, great food. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's fun. I wouldn't go in the winter, but outside that, you should go. And, dude, going to their stadium, I never, their best fans I've ever seen.

I mean, it'll be below zero. They'll have a dead family member, dude. Died a fucking frozen. They just tie them to the truck and go into the game. They don't give a fuck. And they start tailgating at 7 a.m. Yeah. The people in my crowd were like, oh, we're off, man.

We've got to get going. I'm like, why? Like, Bill's game tomorrow. Home game. I'm like, all right, cool. They're like, well, we start at seven. And it's Blizzard. They don't give a fuck.

Different animal. Ralph Waldo Emerson. What's that stadium called? Ralph Waldo Emerson Stadium. And they love it, man. They love it. And then when the bill's got in the playoffs because Cincinnati, Dalton, when Dalton helped me get in the playoffs.

Dirty Andy through that 70 yard. Yeah, dirty Andy. The ginger. The fucking, yeah. The Red Ginger. Whatever he's called. Dalton helped them get in the playoffs. So then the Bills Mafia donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to his account.

Yeah. To help him keep playing. Yeah. To like his go fund here. I think it's his organization where the fuck it is. Yeah. That's not crazy there. It was another season for Andy Dalton.

That would be great if opposing teams got to pay the salaries for the opponents. It's so fucked up if they did because they're just. Because they pay like the worst players. Yeah. That's a bad idea. Yeah, that's a bad idea. You know who I saw? Because this may you think of Lozman.

I was at a meeting yesterday, and, you know, college football a little bit, Baker Mayfield. Yeah. The Hysman for Ohio State, or I'm sorry, for Oklahoma. Yeah. He just lost to Georgia, a big fan of him because he was a walk-on, right? So he was a walk-out at Texas Tech, and then he was a walk-in at Oklahoma. He's the first walk-on ever to win the Hizman. I don't realize how small he is.

So I'm waiting for the elevator. I'm talking, finishing this meeting. and he's next to meet with these people I'm meeting with and he gets off the elevator and they're like, oh, hey, this is a baker, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, oh, what's up, man, shake his hand and I'm like, my God, what do I know that? You ever do that?

I'm like, where do I know that dude from? I'm trying to think, I'm like, where the fuck do I know him from? I'm like, God, it's driving me nuts. So that's guy going to go, hey, where would I know that guy from? He's like, you're serious? I'm like, yeah, he's like, that's the Heisman winner, man. I'm like, that's him. He's small.

Probably don't recognize it because he was white, you know? small dude though he's just yeah i couldn't believe how small he was but really yeah they're comparing to like hopefully you know and they do this they do this johnny mansell hoping he can be like a freaking drew breeze but good luck with that yeah yeah that's true i wish him the best i'm actually a big fan has liked the passion he plays with i like that he was a walk-on but yeah it's gonna it's a tough go when you're that size oh yeah man i remember when drew breeze came to new orleans they had i just been doing comedy maybe like two years and i was buddies with this guy scott fagita who was I know Scott

Yeah Nice guy And he came out Stud Yeah I mean pretty handsome I didn't think he was that handsome Stud football player

Oh my bad Yeah yeah But he um He brought Drew out to the comedy show one night And Drew had just got in town Like literally was signed like two days before Like had never even played And I got to meet him

After the show And he seemed like a nice guy You know asked about comedy You know a little bit And it was just He wasn't the star that he is now Yeah Because he came from the Chargers

Yeah he come from the Chargers But he like I was bigger than him, you know? I mean, this is years ago. But I was like, wow, this guy is going to be the quarterback. So I think some people just have a real special gift. I think he has an amazing work ethic, breeze. Yeah, but

he's so talented. It's not even funny. Like, his release, everything, his footwork. He's so smart. Yeah, I agree. And we got to perform for those. I did some shows, actually, with performer for Oklahoma and performing for Georgia before the Rose Bowl. Really? Yep. Where did you do it at?

At the improv. One team each different night. Damn, really? Dude, I was intimidated. The Hollywood Improv? Yeah. Were they died? I mean, they were dying, but when they weren't, it's like 19 to 22 year old boys who

when they're fucking, when they're, you know, having a black, you don't know, like, if somebody one of them says something that you don't know about because they're hip, you're like, wow, fuck, you feel like a senior citizen, man. I was talking with Brian about this is so weird. You look at the people who are like, Uber famous on YouTube and Instagram and Twitter, and they have this young following. Yeah. Selena Gomez, the most followed on Instagram, whatever, has like 40 million followers,

15 million followers. But she's so young and this young crowd came up with her because all those kids are on social media. Yeah. So if you don't have like, if you can't figure out a way to relate to that young crowd, it's going to be tough to compete with those big stars, man. Right. You know what I'm saying? So even with those college kids, but your material will relate to them.

Like you don't need to be. Yeah, but some reference, some shit they just own things cool, you know? Well, if you were to talk politics, you're going to lose them. Yeah. And if you talk for too long, if your sentences are too long, you lose them. Their attention spans, like, yeah. Yeah, I mean, they would be going back under the phones or disappeared. But it was crazy.

Like, the Georgia team was way wilder, and the Oklahoma team was a lot more organized when they sat, like, we're in the place. That's so interesting. But we walked in and, like, the Georgia team's on stage, like, just rat battling each other, you know? Because they just got there before, and there were some microphones. All brothers, too. Yeah. I mean, these guys are going at it. It's Georgia, besides the quarterback.

Yeah. It is. It was, like, six white guys, like, a little bit scared kind of towards the front. Yeah. And the quarterback, I guess. Yeah, the freshman quarterback was trying to not fuck it up for him. I know. Yeah.

But it was fun, man. It was fun and just kind of be around those guys. But it was intimidating after a moment where I lost my footing a little bit or even just a couple of words. Because it's just all dudes. Yeah. And you'll lose them, right? Yeah. And it's all like tough.

Dude, you don't even know how to do anything, but just fucking. Do you have a memory where you just bombed? You know, when you're bombing you got to dig yourself out? Have you ever heard one where you don't get out? Yeah. I got two of my crazy memories. One time some dude laughed so hard at the show. He came out of the closet to his buddy's just right in front of him.

Swear to God, he's just like, I'm gay. It's like fucking literally, like jarred something in his stem, you know? And his buddy's like, what the fuck, dude? He's right up by the front. You made him laugh so hard. He just admitted he's gay. One of his buddies spit milk or spill it on, not milk, beer. Yeah.

You know. I'm gay Yeah And his buddies were like What the fuck dude And it was awkward Because it seemed kind of real Yeah

So I mean I've had people say a lot of stuff You're like that guy's retarded But this guy seemed like he might have been Honestly I'm a sexual And then the other time that I really bombed was Because I'm not trying to fucking You know

Bringing anybody to the other side of the sexual ledger You know But the other time that I really had a tough time Was at University of South Florida Or Central Florida one of the other And people always like Well which one was it? And I'm like, well, who gives a fuck, which one is?

I agree. Same, same, same, right? Same, same, but different. No matter what, obviously, I'm not in a cool city in Florida. But they brought me out, and I bombed, dude, bombed right in the beginning. I've been doing comedy like three years, and I'm bombed. And it was this thing, like, battled the bands for their school. They booed me off the stage.

It was like 800 people booed me. Some guy booed me with an American flag. Like, I wasn't American, you know? And I'm sure you've probably dealt with some of this. but it's like some guy like waving an American flag and booing you know. That makes sense. Yeah, I'm just going backstage which is still America

you fucking Muppet. Did you like wave? Well at first I thought he was supporting me this is the worst part so I saluted him right? Even though I was never in RTC right? And I hated those fucking dudes. I didn't hate them but it was like really a bunch of like fucking closet of gay dudes at our school that were running around

that school with wooden guns. And you'd see him in the hallway like like fucking taking cover and shit behind some lockers with wooden guns you're like what the fuck is going on there's just lots of souls

yeah just trying to figure life out it's the only lane they fell in and one of them like got in trouble for sneaking a walkie talkie in ROTC

you know because they're not supposed to have anything but wooden guns and they were just watching the cheerleaders dance they're just pervert but they had on like

uniforms you know the misfits yeah so I saluted the dude you know but then so then it made then but he was It was, like, against me.

Yeah. And I was like, fuck. Because then I was like, oh, yeah, we're buddies. And then he was fucking against you. Yeah, that doesn't help. So I had to go backstage. Well, what they didn't know was I was emceeing the evening. So I had to come back out on a stage five more times between each act and introduce the next act.

Every time you come on with a boo. Oh, they boo every time. Until the fourth time, it became so funny that they were doing it every time that then it, like, gave me a chance to, like, get back in their graces. Yeah, you're like, cool, man. Like, I'd been pushed so far now. They're like, fuck, no. And by the fourth time, that became the gag. A lot of comedians, especially this day and age, won't do colleges anymore.

Yeah, I won't do them. Because you go to, like, the thing and it would be, am I talking too much? I feel like I'm monopolizing the conversation. Not at all, man. All right. No, please. That's why you're here. But, yeah, you go there, and it's like some little dude or woman.

It's somebody who's gender neutral, and they have, you know, a little bit of hair. but it's like kind of a mustache, kind of a woman's haircut. Yeah, it's tough. And it's like, they have a couple of diseases you haven't heard of

and they're perfectly round. They're not even any. So it's like as long as you don't offend them, right? And they're going to die soon. Which is going to be tough. Yeah. Which is going to be tough.

Yeah. A lot of comics won't do college campus anymore because it's so freaking, it's a rough culture out there, man. Oh, but Ben Shapiro is the only one that can go in and do it, I feel like,

you know? I feel like Delea could do it Yeah, Delea could do He has a younger audience And he has enough of a fan base If you have enough of a fan base, you can go do it But if you're going in there Like we're just going to bring a comedian

You are sitting there There was black panthers that Ashaw went to one time And then even had this was like 10 years ago And they didn't even have black panthers You know It was just like dudes who didn't have anything else to do What it was asleep At the fucking snack table or whatever

I'm like fucking That thing's been euthanized brother you know maybe you should join the mexican student union and just leave your buddy there behind you know yeah i don't college campuses are a tricky one man it's so stupid there's one kid who's like dressed up like a native american you know and he's like claiming all this shit it's just so crazy i feel like it's a weird time on college campuses for kids like trying to figure it out trying to find their way you can't fuck anybody you don't know anymore like when i was young i remember fucking people i don't even know who they are you know no i mean uh talking about

college in high school I mean it's just what you do like home boy who's the comedian who got busted uh lost his show on county central because a girl from college came out and said he did oh t j miller yeah i love tj they said someone came out and it was like from

a girl he was dating in college i don't know all the facts so i don't you know yes i think yeah she said he hit a bottle in her butt or something like that put a two not a two later i don't think but something one of those mid-range ones you know yeah like not one of those little coke ones you get No, like the, you're talking about the 20 ounce? Ooh.

Yeah, the 20 classic ounce? Man. That'd get you. That's a nervous winter. That'll get you. Boy. How about, I don't know if it's on your current events chin, but James Franco got busted with sexual assault now. Yeah.

Right after he won his award, this girl tweeted out, but then she since deleted the tweet. Yeah, I saw that you, but she said that he pushed her head down towards his crotch. Correct. Which I think is, I mean, if she's not, I mean, if she pulled your, it's not, it's not cool. to do if it's like a violent way. Well, if you're just driving down the highway, she's like, okay, you get a ride and you grab her head and it's like, all right, well, you can't do that. Yeah, you can't do that.

You can't do that. You know, if you're driving fast, you can... Put on the brakes. Yeah, if you pull over, the rules change a little, but you can't force someone to give you oral sex. No, you just, that's frowned upon. But then the thing was, a 17-year-old, that's the part that gets me. that gets me more because this girl it seemed like a lot of these a lot of ladies come out

and say stuff that's a little vague yeah you know like i've been i'm not going to lie i've been making out with a girl before and you know some one of us pulled my penis out i don't know who it was you know we're both in here it's tough to tell could have been either one of us i got this mouse trap together yeah dude who knows who knows he ordered this hard stick of case up you know what i'm saying, but we're in this mousetrap, man. All right, all right. I'm trying to come into your universe.

All right. Art stick of case, we're two mice. One one's going to hand job. And then one was trying to help the other one eat it. You know what I'm saying? Like, who's the bad guy? I don't know. I don't know.

It's dark. We're both looking for something. You know, we're both trying to get some mission accomplished here. Yeah, yeah. But then the thing was, she said, said that he hit on a 17-year-old friend and already been caught doing that. Well, I guess he asked her friend to go to the back to the hotel with him. My issue is that when he asked her that, does he know for a fact?

She's 17? Right. I've seen some 17-year-olds where it's tough, man. Yeah, yeah, but if you look through at least two of their pictures, I feel like you can usually tell. Depends. Yeah, that's true. It depends. You know what I'm saying?

Who knows? But then when he hit up that girl on, I guess he hit up another girl on Instagram, she was 17-year-old. you 17 year olds yeah yeah but i think he's like a notorious kind of i think he suffers from like sexual addiction you know does he want to fuck all the time yeah which i think is you know and that and people have that it's a real thing you know it's a real thing i think so i mean i think it has something to do it them feeling probably some insecurities you know you don't think he's a cop out no because i want to fuck but i want to do it like twice a week you know not every day

fuck no dude i'm not fucking some idiot every day no well see but here's the problem you're talking about the same idiot what if you had seven different beautiful no friends the the most i would do is fuck two hot two hot chicks or seven and up a week or eight and up probably now eight and up yeah because i'm older and i'm not doing that seven shit anymore i'm an adult yeah that makes sense yeah and i mean seven as in a scale of one to ten i'm not talking somebody that's seven i already told you guys about that shit yeah you don't get down with that like terry nobody should no that we frown upon that here at the fire and the kid uh terry cruz came out of and said he had an addiction to porn

and sex. Did he? Yeah. So he was jacking off non-stop. Oh my God, really? Oh. That casso stick. Damn, boy. Cheezing it up. Cheezing it up, bro. Dude, I can't imagine.

When I hear that, I'm like, God, I don't know. Because if I were black, I'd jerk off all the time, though, if you had that sweet dick. That sweet old, because I'm talking about the mic like this. Yeah, me too. This like some fucking, like some black dude that's in a, I was in a fucking, no, I got. a lumberjack accent

and he got one arm and he's trying to fucking choke me out. Chill out, Bernard! Why Bernard? Bernard is a safe black name I think.

Bernie. Then it's kind of cool. Burn. Burns? If you like it said, yeah, Burns is good. Bernie.

Yeah, it's good options. Yeah, I like that. We had a brother named Quincidence in our town, no he didn't. Yeah. True story. Best brother name I've ever heard.

Quincidence? You were seeing the mom that named her two kids, La Washa. a dryer? That's awesome. Yeah, that's real. That's real.

But one of my favorites was, oh, this lady in my town named her kid, no Dante. She goes, because I knew he was going to be bad, I was just going to call him Dante, but I knew he was going to be bad. So I call him no Dante. So when I say his name, he already know. He's not supposed to be doing it. He knows what's up. That's so great.

It's brilliant, really. No, Danny. I would name all my kids that. No, Susie. everything Back to Terry Cruz and the sexual addiction Is it sexual addiction or is it

The reason it's addiction is because they have so many options Because they're celebrities You know what I'm saying? I think it's easy to judge But I think when you have that many options I don't know if it's an addiction It's a good question I don't know what do you guys say?

It might be a lack of discipline I don't think it's addiction You don't think that I may be some small percentage of people have an addiction but I don't think it's for the mess, for most people. I think it could be addiction, because it releases, like, a certain, like... Dopamine?

Yeah, so you crave that. And so you think of, you know, sex, you see the body, and you constantly want that with the dopamine, so... You might be honest. You correlate it. It's kind of like coffee. Even if you, like, are quitting coffee, you still like the smell of it because it feel like you're, like, almost drinking it again, like, with any addiction. Oh, I try to quit coffee, yeah. Yeah.

Or even quitting cigarettes, dude, I'll fucking... You still smoke? Oh, yeah, I still smoke sometimes. I'm doing good, but I'm not doing great, you know? Probably smoke two cigarettes a day. I've been off coffee for... Have you really? Like, I'm forced to, because I was throwing up.

I drink so much coffee, my body came acidic, and I would keep throwing up. Damn, boy, that's the dark arts. And you're going that deep when your body turns acidic? Yeah. Next thing you know, you end up being a fucking one of those Marvel comics, dude. I know, I'd be sick. Yeah. It was so bad, though, man.

I just throw up nonstop. Like, I haven't been right. Oh, I know. Yeah, man, I worry about that kind of stuff. I wish sexual addiction was for me, you know, a little bit. But then with drugs and alcohol, you can just buy it and do it. Sex addiction, you got to be driving around fucking, creating more semen in your body. Well, there's, there's Tinder, though, right?

Or you could hire a professional, just come to your crib. Yeah, but then look at the money you're getting into. That's true, huh? Yeah. Pussmates. Yeah. Dickmate. I did.

I'm not calling it. Why not, bro? Some dude brings his dick over? Well, I already got my own dick. It depends what you're into, bro. Yeah. Not another that dude. Well, it's dickmates because they're trying to please that dick, you know what I'm saying?

Like dick mate. Would you fuck a dude that had a beautiful butthole, right? But, smallest dick you could barely even see. Transsexual? Yeah. Nice hair, too. Dude, some of those transsexuals that get you. Nice hair and wings tattooed on his bat.

Oof. Like a stripper? Like whoever you want. Ah, man. It's a tough one. Probably passed for me. Okay. You?

I don't think I would, man. You know, because I'm still trying to get to heaven. What would you get into, Chin? Chun. Is it Chun? Chin, right? Yeah. Thank you.

Sorry about that. What would I get into? I didn't think it was Chun. What do you? What do you get into what? Like Woody and is sexual? Because you guys get into the dark arts. You guys are into some wild stuff over there.

I'm probably the worst example because you're pretty passive? Pretty, yeah. It'd be hard to get Chin to go on a date over spaghetti. I just, a trans with a fat dick. I was just not craving a date A trans and some chicken wings Ain't his thing, man Really? Definitely

My is so super vanilla Now if you're talking about murdering hiding bodies And splitting some cheesecake He's your man Like what's a wild night tea Like making a puzzle somewhere in a van Like what's crazy night to you? Like I'm trying to get a vibe though

You know Good luck We've been trying since with Mona We don't have a vibe We have no idea what he does Now he has this leather jacket on He's like a fucking Korean Dexter I don't know what the fuck's happening is

Yeah, dude, you're like a, uh, you're like a fucking math bouncer, you know, you need to go around with those fucking Roman numerals. I'm joking, man. That's pretty stereotypical. We have no idea what Chin does on the weekends. Yeah. Chin, what would be a perfect date for you? We got this, our show sponsored by E. Harmony, for God's sake. Dude, that would be great to have your listeners describe, like, in 30 seconds what they think Chin's weekend is like.

That'd be so fucking funny to hear. That's hilarious. We're going to get them now. It's going to happen now. Because it is really vague, man. You're kind of like that Mona Lisa, dude. Oh, hey, when you, we'll ask him every show. We'll ask him a show back.

Chin, what did you this weekend? I'm like, stuff. All right, cool, man. What'd you do? I'm going to have some friends. All right. What'd you guys do? Went to cheesecake.

All right. Well, that's all from Chin. It's like. That's wild, man. I did, though. I'm trying to think who I grew up with this boy who had this boy, they uh oh we had this deaf kid in our town i'll tell you this because i lived in the pretty much in the deaf belt dude growing up the death belt

they had a lot of deaf by us because they had a couple of hearing impaired schools by us and um and so you get a lot of extra deaf in the area you know and it's wild when you have a lot of deaf people around because you don't know if somebody's fucked up or if they're deaf you know so you're driving by or if they're being rude you know so you have to be careful i remember one time that they had a deaf kid that moved in right two doors down from us handsome kid too I think he could have been Italian could have been kind of Creole yeah but some kids beat him up they thought he was doing bad magic you know because he was doing all this stuff with his hands but they didn't have it yeah yeah he was doing all of this especially in New Orleans

you got to be careful that bad magic shit yeah because he kept doing all those hand signals you know but no quarters no doves they thought he was doing bad magic and they fucking beat his So that's the kind of stuff that I don't like in the world, man, when people are, you know, just not trying to be a little more patient with each other. No, the world's fucked up right now, man. Well, yeah, and it's like we're calling people out for shit that everybody else is doing, you know? It's like Hollywood for, you know, all throughout the elections and everything. And I'm not a big fan of politics, you know.

I mean, we had dead animals in our ditch for like seven years we complained about to the city and they never came and got them. Yeah, like possums and stuff. Oh, no, bigger animals than that. Awesome. No, this was bigger. Like what? I don't know. Armadillo?

Something big, man. A couple times it was something big, dude, and it shouldn't have been out there. And somebody was throwing them out there for seven years, dude. Like, literally at one point, we just had a big stack of bones down in one end of our ditch. God damn. It could have been somebody who was working in the vets or somebody working with the hospital, throwing stuff out in the ditch. Either way, it ain't right. It isn't.

And we would call the city and tell them to come get it, and they never came and get it. So then you got kids out there throwing fucking bones at each other and just stuff that's kind of fucked up. and um and so i never like politicians you know because i never liked that because you if you were poor you didn't get anything never didn't give a fuck dude no there's dead antlers kids there's fucking two kids playing hide no so you get a fucking carcass out here you know and y'all don't give a fuck nope so but it's just crazy to me like hollywood will be like uh you know all these politicians are creeps and pedophiles and then it turns out hollywood's all creeps and pedophiles so it's like you know this shit's going on like if we can just all try to get a little bit more realistic And honest about what we're doing. And accept people have flaws? Yeah. What the fuck, dude?

You don't, you think people are perfect? No. You know who's perfect? Who is it? Oprah. I don't know, dude. Where's Stebman at? Next door, shutting the fuck up.

Was he there? Oh, yeah. He was there. See, Steadman, a lot of men don't like that. That docile man kept in the distance. Afraid to say stuff, probably. Knows his role. Yeah, knows his word limit was up years ago.

He ran out years ago. Yeah. His 144 characters ran out a while. go do you think politicians it's all just going to be hollywood is going to be politics now it's just going to be because hollywood to me is more powerful than politics than then then then they can persuade the yeah yeah for sure um well i think hollywood's just uh a small sample size of what what's going on around the nation you know what i'm saying yeah like with the sexual assault that happens in whether you work at kinkos where you work at starbucks oh yeah yeah it's just not

Hollywood and then Seth Myers and it's fun in some places a little bit a little bit of sexual assault depends if it's not nobody's getting hurt and it's just kind of fancy yeah all right it's not crazy if it's not really assault maybe sexual we need like a different word yeah maybe man yeah but Seth Myers had a good point like we see it where these high-end directors are doing it or these big heads of executives of networks are doing it but yeah remember on set there's makeup artist there's uh freaking you know the grip guys the cameraman the boom mic like there's a whole staff they all deal with it too like it's not just these big time people like it's the ecosystem and those people you're seeing that's just a sample small sample yeah they get crucified for

rightfully so but i mean some but how do you even like anybody anymore than out here do you have to drive to riverside to fuck i won't even jerk off locally that's worth getting For me, I'm going to go ahead to the valley to bust nuts. Oh, dude, yeah, I'm not jerking off in this fucking, in this county. I don't want you to arrest it either. Fuck, no, dude. I come a little, it lands on somebody, I don't know. Screwed.

Next thing, you know, I'm in jail, too. I think it's, it's a phase. Things do need to change. It's a phase right now. The target hairs are on, you know, white males, but it's a phase. Yeah, white males get pigeon over too much, dude. Like, to me anyway, you know, it's like, like, we did everything, you know? Like, we did, like, I didn't do anything bad, I don't think, you know.

I think if there's been any minor, well, the, the Russell Simmons. Oh, you mean people that aren't white that stuff happening? Yeah, Russell Simmons. Yeah, he's really the only big-time guy who's ahead of, like, a corporation that got busted. They say he was just busting nuts on everybody. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Read those articles.

Downward dog and then just putting his dick in their body. Really? Wow. I made that, I made that up. Oh, he was doing aggressive shit. My thing is, I'm trying to stout that internet. I'm trying to step that pornography. Are you?

Oh, man. Why? Because it's influencing your love life? It can be if you're Googling the wrong shit. Yeah, I'm just Googling the basics. You know what bothers me is when I, when I go to porn and it says videos you might like, I'm like, I would not like that. Why are there so many dudes in this thing? Why does that chick have a dick?

I did not ask for this. Like what algorithm does you porn have, or it's like, you might like this? And it's some old granny getting fucked. Like, in what world would I like this, man? You ever have that happen? It'll fuck up your boner, Theo. Oh, yeah. My boners fucked from the internet.

It'll fuck the whole vibe up. I'm gonna follow class. You know a little downtime yourself. You're in the dark. Videos you might like. I could use something new. Boom. Granny.

I did not ask for this. Or it's chick with a dick. Definitely didn't ask for that. I like the old Greek ones. They have like those old kind of Olympic-style ones where somebody throws a javelin, but has a dick on the first. front and like some lady will catch it in her pussy from like

60 yards or something. I have not seen that one. Yeah. It's very fucking Dez Bryant of her, you know? It's pretty crazy, I think. You were watching one feel bad for him? I did. I'll tell you exactly what this just happened to me, man. So I battle against trying to jerk off because I'm tired of it. You know what I'm saying? It's getting old. It's getting old, isn't it? It gets old. And it gets to I like going to the gym, but every goddamn day it gets old. Yeah. Yeah, I used to go to the gym. I quit this year, dude. And it's one of the neatest

I've ever done in my life. Feel good about it? I used to be an attic, dude. Hiding, fucking just putting a little bit of fucking protein powder up my ass. I was on the suppositories. I was on all of it, dude. Oh, I'd sprinkle protein in a fucking bandana tied around my forehead when I was sweaty. That's that rocky shit.

I was trying to get it in the fucking straight to the brain, boy. I'm not mad at that. You know what I'm saying? Dude, I'll stuff my fucking nose with amino asses and go to sleep. You know what I'm saying, dude? Word, man. So what happened with your porn? Oh, you don't want to jack off anymore.

Yeah, I don't want to do it because here's what I started to notice for myself was it got to the point where when I, when I would get off, I didn't even feel joy of the, of watch of the, I didn't feel a sexual joy. I felt like I had just filled like I was just doing something that was a habit. Yeah. Does that make any sense? Almost like brushing your teeth. Yes. It was like, oh, I just. I'm just doing it because I'm bored.

I'm just doing it because, oh, I just did that habit. I'll do the same thing with Doritos. Like, why am I eating these? I'm just doing this because I'm bored. You know what I'm saying? Wow, boy, yeah. So I'll eat a bag of dritos. You'll jack off.

But either way, when I get, we both get done, I'm like, why? I'm just bored. I don't need to bust nuts right now. I don't need this nacho cheese tortilla in my mouth. You know what I'm saying, Theo? This is where somebody makes a poster of us and I have like semen dripping off my hands and you have that orange dust. Yeah, but sometimes I also.

eat and drink because I'm bored and then I'll watch that my 600 pound life you guys ever seen that shit you don't watch a lot of TV have you seen my 600 pound life no I haven't seen that you guys seen it it's pretty

self-explanatory but people are over 600 pounds and it's their life and they got to get their shit together and some people on there are like 900 pounds 800 pounds they're fucking huge that's crazy but then they'll show their order and you would think I see them

they're going to die any second I get hungry from it really Yeah, I want what they're having. Damn. Yeah, they get pizzas, then they, like, dip it in the icing. They get Cheetos. They down Coke. Wow.

And I watch, I'm like, I'm hungry as a motherfucker right now. It's 8 o'clock. I had dinner. Wow. But I'm going to eat. And are you able to fight off their urges, them late night urges and desires? If I have something coming up, yeah. Like, I'm busy now.

Like, you have to be on TV. I have to do comedy. I'll beat it. But I don't have shit going on. I'll postmates that shit. Damn. So you do a lot of postmates, huh? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, and I feel like they judged me. Like the other day, I got three tubs of ice cream when I was sick living in my house. And he goes, here's your three gallons of ice cream, man. Yeah, I was like, you know what? Fuck you, bro. Don't say it so loud. How about that, man?

How about just give me the bag? Who cares what's in it? Yeah, there we go. Yeah, man. Dude, when I was growing up, they had this dude. You could go watch him, not really jerk off, but you could watch him kind of feel himself in this video store. And he was. Older gentlemen.

He was older to us. We were children. Everybody was. But he was, they had like these wild western doors at this place called Pat's video, and they sold shrimp too, right? So the place is kind of... Shrimp and videos? Yeah, it was like a dream.

Oh, I agree. You'd get fucking bloodsport and a bag of shrimp. That's exactly what we got. Fucking right, you would, bro. There was only a couple movies out then. It was all Jean-Claude Van Dam. Do they have cyborg? I don't know if they had sides.

Oh, wait, I don't remember what that was. All right. That was a little bit before me. Double impact? Yeah, they had double impact. You had American Ninja Warrior. I mean, they only had like six movies. Then outside of that, they had shrimp.

But then in the back, they had these two wild western doors. 21 and up. Oh, yeah. And we'd sneak over there sometimes, and they always have this dude in there, Mr. Ernest, who lived in our town, right? And later on, we learned that he was a mentally handicapped. But he was... Be like to jack off.

Yeah. I mean, I don't think... He wasn't like dick handicapped. He was just mentally. Yeah, but wanted to bust nuts and work at the video store. Yeah, he wasn't working there, though. He was... Oh, he just hung out back there?

He was working for himself. Oh, this got weird. Yeah. Oh, so he just hanging out in that 21 and up video. Yeah, he was saying it legally he could be in there. So to him, it was like, oh, I can be in here. It was just Starbucks. Yeah, it was at Starbucks.

But he had a bike, a bicycle that had a baby seat on the back, you know, because somebody giving him a woman's bicycle. And back in the day, now you pull your kid in this little carriage and all this shit, and he's in a fucking safety cage with these roll bars. Hell yeah. Dude, when I was young, you was buckled in with one. One fucking buckle in a plastic seat with no fucking size. No helmet.

This is before helmets, dude. Where if you got hit by something, your dad was in a fucking wheelchair forever, you know? Back in the fucking shit was legitimate. Not these pussy-ass dads with a fucking bike helmet on. I would much rather have a dad that's mentally handicapped from an accident locally than of dad who fucking had than ever see my father in a fucking bike helmet. And you can tell your dad that. Come get it, dads.

Oh, there's nothing. My dad put pegs on a on his. bike and me and my brother would stand on that what's up, God. That's way dangerous. Put those pegs on. Hell yeah, it was dangerous. Dude, this girl, Chrissy Hunt,

my neighbor would lost her second toe to those fucking, standing on that barefoot. That was her issue. And that second toe. And I don't even know how you get the second toe to do something the other ones aren't doing. The second toe is longer. Yeah.

Oh, that's what it is. The second toe, it's kind of like your middle finger. It's always longer than the other one. He's got that reach. Yeah, bro. So that second toe, the, the raptor claw, I can see. how she got caught in that spoke there.

Is that what happened? It is. And it ripped it off? Ripped it off, dude. It was out and about. It pulled it enough anywhere where I guess they couldn't fix it, you know? At least it's just that, well, that's a bad one to lose. If you want to lose any, you want to lose your pinky.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. Pinkies you can lose on your toe. It's not that big of deal. It helps with balance. I one time I was playing kickball. I was snowboarding. I think I was in ninth grade, ninth or tenth grade.

And I was snowboarding, my friend dear me to jump off the lift in like snowboard, like we were fucking triple X. I was like, yeah. While it was up in the air, oh, wow. I was like, no doubt. I'll hit that ramp and I'll fucking zoom off. He's like, do it. I'm like, hell yeah, Vin Diesel's stuff.

Well, it doesn't work like that in real life. I go off and I just plant into the goddamn ice and then didn't just like, bored up, face first, broke my collarbone. So I'm going down the lift in a fucking thing like this to pull me down. And then I get to school that later that week. I'm in a sling and we're playing kickball with Mr. with Mr. Bubbles. His name is Mr. Bubbles, our gym coach,

Mr. Bubbles. Great guy, always in sweats, always had a fat dick on him. Anyways. Oh, yeah. So we're in the wrestling room

playing kickball, and I can't throw. It's my, it's my right hand. So left hand, I kind of suck. So I'm just back there dodging like a motherfucker.

So it's, everyone's out, except for me, and there's balls there, and there's like three kids left and the balls keep coming to me. Now all the balls are my side, but I haven't thrown them.

I can't throw. I can't throw. I can't throw. I can't throw. So then the gym teacher goes. You're like the French, dude. Kick it. Just kick it, Brendan.

I'm like, that's a brilliant fucking idea. I go to kick it, and I'm like, I'm going to kick the fuck out of this ball. And my big toe, we're barefoot because in the restroom, my big, I kick as hard as I fucking can. Like, I'm kicking a game win and field goal. And my big toe hits the mat first like this and goes, oh, oh, bro. Blue what? Boom. No way.

I'm down on the ground. Some kids still hit me with a ball Fuck you, Travis That was his name, Travis. It's always Travis. Fuck you, Travis Cook. Anyways, broke my big toe.

Go to the doctor. There's not much they can do for it. You just got to wear some fucking tivas, put a splint on it, and there's nothing you can do. They put brackets around it. That's a bummer. Yeah.

Moral of the story, if you're going to lose one and you want the pinky toe. That's how I got started on it. Because you could still meander pretty well on it? It wasn't great. I was out for a little bit.

Shoulder foot. Bad look. yeah i don't think anything ever wild happened to me man uh you're any bad they had a dude in our neighbor that didn't have any arms and always tried to fucking fight people by headbutton huh you'd headbut or he'd kick hold up let me guess he'd kick like an ostrich oh he could fucking kick crazy dude figures yeah he had and they had this other kid in our town a deaf kid this fucking deaf kid with a fucking overbite bro and that dude would just he'd fucking suck the blood out of your neck if he got close enough to yeah you got be careful though but this dude clint was his

name um like clit but with an in it this dude had no arms dude and he but he could fucking literally get you on the ground and choke you out with his fucking shoulder he would just apply that pressure crazy bro i mean he would just be on two legs with that shoulder pointed right at your fucking esophagus did you do you ever have any kids with uh uh it was violent her mentally handicapped and you got a driver's license that was a crazy part just remember that would he drive with his eyes i don't know what the fuck he was doing but he had a legal driver's license how the fuck did that happen no arms one

driver's license killing it not fair probably working for Uber now I doubt it too making tips he's probably in prison dude I remember he he did some bad stuff yeah he reminiscing about him

I was gonna say you ever had any I'm not making fun at all or anything like this we had a kid in Down syndrome in my neighborhood dude and when not I was like 12, he was like 12, he was so strong. Yeah. He was so, so strong.

And any time, even in middle school, elementary school, I felt like they were stronger than the normal kids. I don't know if that's a generalization, but they were really, really strong. Yeah. I feel like they mature. Obviously, they mentally, they're not as mature, but I feel like physically the people with Down syndrome and maybe I'm just off, but they were stronger than the rest of it.

Because they get all their strength at once. He would touch that ball and had dad's strength. You know what I'm saying? Oh, definitely, dude. They could coach a team, dude, if they could get the words out, you know, at the age of six, you know, because they get all their genetics at once. So they get the whole onslaught of genetics at once, and their body's just trying to hold in all this madness. Yeah, I felt like they're like Wolverine and we were just peasants, man. Yeah.

We had a boy and I, and this kid, I grew up with them actually, we used to go drink at the Ramada in our town. And he, um, the Ramada in. And this was in Louisiana and Covington, Louisiana. And I've even talked about this so much. So this boy, Derry was his name. Derry? Yeah. It's an interesting name.

And he used to put people in that hard scarf. He called it the fucking hard scarf. Dude, he had this fucking headlock, bro. And you had to have somebody help you get out of it. You almost had to get two black kids to help you get it out of it. He was that good? Oh, bro. When he put you in that fucking headlock, that hard scarf boy?

Nasty. It was over, dude. Yeah, I mean, he would kill you. If you didn't get a couple of brothers come over and help you out of it, he'd fucking kill you. You ever had a man choke you out with his tits? Uh-uh. But I had that boy, Clint, choked me out a couple times with this,

fucking shoulder and I guess I don't know if that's a rib or whatever there's a high rib I'd add a grown man named Ron Waterman choked me out with his titty giant man bring a picture Ron Waterman for me check out the tits on his name you know his fight name was Mr. H2O Waterman his last name was Waterman

so Mr. H2O oh wow check out the tits handsome too he choked me out with his tits almost broke my nose and he's homosexual or no no not at all yeah and I didn't say that Ron he's a tough fight he's fucking rough fighting. Well, there's a couple of pictures where he's wearing jeans and a mustache and that

yeah, I agree. That's a little shady. Well, those are gateway signs of homosexuality where I'm from. No, I'll give you that. Me too. But yeah, I would not. You fought him? No, he's one of, especially when I first started, he's one of my main training partners and I was young, man. And we started on the ground and he took my

and, you know, it's not even jihitsu. It's just a fucking homosexual move. Yeah. He took my head and had those big packs, those tan packs, they were all greased up and sweaty and just went, yikish and almost broke my fucking nose i started like go out and i tapped i was so embarrassed because my friends were all laughing there he is oh definitely he was a monster one of the strongest guys i've ever felt oh he looked like he never stopped breastfeeding no you know he i titty

fucked him with my nose though oh damn it was so embarrassing i thought maybe the sport ain't for me after that you know dude i would just be so afraid if i could never fight like you guys did man i'll just be so afraid I would just honestly defecate on myself or that I would just immediately break my neck I got a really lean esophagus too and I would get choked out easy

I'm just scared of it dude I wonder what Ron's doing these things do you get more scared if you're fighting a black guy or a white guy do you feel like no I don't care I don't discriminate no it's not discrimination but just is there a different so it's not a choice you're making but it's like a different fear that comes up

no i think because i grew up competing against but like my neighborhood is predominantly black so that's what i'm used to yeah it makes sense you know if you're fighting a russian or croatian you have your hands full like they're not gonna quit russians aren't even you're certain guys you can fight white and black you know not russians aren't white but you know what i'm saying like an american white guy yeah like american black guy you're fighting them maybe you might see a little quit in them when the going gets rough you're fighting a a russian though or like an african yeah they don't quit you might bring your your your lunch box yeah Russian I mean I can't even those kids are fucking over there playing with stone dolls dude my buddy told me that they had a doll

yeah children playing with stone dolls the girls a doll made out a fucking quick creed or something like those kids are there's no water there's it's fucking crazy man so that's some the greatest fighters should we have some current events Jen sure he's 52 is that right yeah Ron Waterman wow what's last time he fought I know he retired a while ago does say there I'd let him and adopt me Mark Smith 2008 Beat Rico Rodriguez Lost to Dave Herman

Lost to Hodger Gracie Damn, we fought a lot He lost to Mercco Crow Crop Crock soccer kicked him at the face Oh were those fights right there? Yeah, that just happened No, those are old He beat Kevin Randleman

How's my boy Uh What about Um, who's that guy fucking, uh, ready when you are, bro. Trying to think of his name, dude. John Joyner. Is that a fighter? John Jones.

John Jones. You know what? It sounds like you might, we might be seeing him sooner than we thought. That's what I'm talking about. He might have accidentally took the stuff he did. So he might just get a year suspension. How do you accidentally take? Is it something you could accidentally take?

Snort and cocaine and some shit was laced in there. God, damn. Well, damn. You're already on cocaine, boy. Cocaine, though. Hey, look, man. Cocaine, hell of a drug. Yeah, but look, man.

I didn't know that other shit was in that cocaine. Yeah, so they think the- That's the best argument ever. They think the cocaine was laced with some sort of shit, some uppers? Trauma bone or some shit. Deca-Diana ball. Dude, I remember one time we snuck back some fucking wind straw or something because they only used to have three steroids, you know?

What, like Deca, wind straw, what's the other man? Test fucking. Test, test, $500. thousand, some shit. Yeah. Dude, one of my buddies his skull grew, and that was it.

Not even joking. The boy in our town named Gene. Gene looked like Bobby Bigwills. Dude, he came back to school the next year. He had fucking probably four extra pounds

of skull and sternum on him. And that's it. And that's it. Nothing else grew. But we stole a bunch from Cancun one time, and a shampoo bottle brought it back. Right? Fucking still dispersed it. And everybody used it, dude.

To Winstrawl? Oh, bro, you'd be doing fucking, you'd be doing chest press and fucking two bubbles would just pop out of your fucking chest. That shit's sad. Oh, it was suspect, man. But it was fun, man.

My buddy and I used to do it, man. It was... I just wanted to be jacked. Yeah, I just wanted it. I was so skinny, man. I just felt so... You want to feel powerful? I wanted to feel some type of power.

And did it work? Yeah. Maybe you feel good. I remember walking through class one time. Is there any, like, Throw back Thursday picks of you or anything? Oh, I could probably find something, man. Please send it to me.

Yeah, I will. I'll find something where I'll put something up good. Were you jacked? Oh, dude, I was fucking jacked, bro. And I had the fucking best body odor, too. Kind of shit that would bring bitches over, you know? Really? Yeah, nothing too hardy, but almost kind of like a fucking,

just like a homie kind of soup brewing. Oh, almost like a Brad Pitt from Fight Club vibe? I felt like it was a little more French coming out of me Oh, I feel you Something a little more like A little more ethnic Yeah, maybe a little more ethnic Kind of like the Pope Rebo you would see at a black person's house

Oh, the mix-up Yeah, like you're surprised you Yeah, it's got some maybe some rose petals in there But it's also might have some Some Steakums, you know, a couple of fucking cuts of Steakums in there And I hate Steakums too as well even though they sent me a t-shirt would you so were you like tan and swall yeah man i wasn't too tan i wasn't like you know you see those guys on the new jersey tan i was just what was i you had like a nice

base yeah i was pretty jack yeah a nice base yeah but i that's i was in louisiana you could go lay out you know you'd lay out on the car you park your car the side of the interstate and lay out do you had abs you like shredded up um i wasn't that shredded dude i never really shredded well you know my body hides a lot of fucking um just extras in it and so i'd be just kind of thick and awkward i think a lot of neck a lot of neck oh did it was very clear you're on steroids i'm sure uh i don't know i was so skinny when i was a kid that i don't even know if it was some people could have thought i hit a gross spurt you know really yeah but then i don't know you're some of your friends never tell you because if i say they don't know either that that's a

good point. And this was, you know, 15 years ago, 20 years ago. But if I see dudes now that have all those little pimples, I'm like, oh, this dude. Oh, 100%. As a 30 year old, you shouldn't have pimples all over your back and chest. Yeah. And it was addictive, man. Like, look, I don't I don't really regret it, but I regret that I didn't probably stop it a little bit sooner because that was the problem. I got addicted to just feeling good about it. It was, I felt good about myself. Yeah. You had a high self-esteem with it. Yeah. So then when you got off, how'd you do it but now you don't work out at all yeah now i do yoga now so this year i just done yoga but next year maybe or this year a little in a couple of months i'll get back in yeah a little winstraw

yoga oh boy that's what i'm talking about makes the two worlds oh bro that'd be fucking great you know mj teaches yoga yeah she told me to come to a class out in uh by uh valencia valencia basically texas yeah yeah i would come up there and stretching valencia man i'll stretch anywhere along the four or five or the five. You had some current events, Chin? Sure do. Not his own life, though, does he? No.

Zero. The Dexter, man. Dude, that's the yellow vault. You know, Brian has to keep a smooth-ass shave, man, when he's on the Goldbergs. When he's the gym teacher, there's only one razor he trusts. For me, there's only one razor I trust. If I'm on red carpet, if I'm doing stand-up, I can't have old crickety razors. Nah, man.

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but I don't want to give it away, so I'll just play it for you guys real quick. Will the fans be able to see this? Yeah, they'll see some of it. The Farrs have gathered in Los Angeles last night for the 75th annual Golden Globes, and on hand to receive the Cecil B. Demil Award was none other than Oprah Winfrey, who delivered a powerful speech. I've got to watch her speech.

You don't watch it? It's too long. It's just too long. It's been asking if Oprah will run for president, which at this point, wouldn't President be a demotion for Oprah? I feel like it would. But now that we have Donald Trump, everything takes. seems possible. And while you don't want to talk, you know what talk like this to get out of hand, the E-network last night was fortunate enough to have celebrity stylist Jason Bolden on him to put

Oprah's remarks into historical context. It will be become a lot of magnificent women, many of whom are right here in this room tonight. Wow. That was almost like Oprah's. I have a dream speech. I mean, can I tell you? She was giving you how powerful. The King vibes all day. Nice socks, dude Thanks, brother A little Jimmy Kimmel appearance Not mad at that Wow, bro

That's awesome, huh? They're making fun of that guy's They're making fun of Jason For saying You know, comparing to Martin Luther King The Dream speech Yeah, I mean, yeah

Maybe so But who knows how many people It inspires I don't even know what people Get inspired on anymore No, me neither Oprah's super powerful though Yeah, she's very powerful

I said it again, yeah I just, it's scary out there man But, yeah, if she inspires women, man, then that's good, you know. At least he didn't roast me or nothing. That's true, huh? Were you nervous a little bit? You had to be nervous sitting there, huh? Because you'd never done that before, had you?

Never, never. Wow. I wasn't, before I was, I was due this breathing that I did in fighting to help me just wake up and calm my nerves. I was doing the breathing. I could tell everyone was looking at me like, what the fuck is he doing? I don't like to just be stagnant. I like to get up, do my breasts. I do it before every comedy show.

Yeah. And then I hit the stage. So I was doing the same thing. I think they're like, God, he's super nervous. I'm like, no, I'm showing you in the right frame of mind before I do this shit. Wow. And then it was all good, man. It was all good.

It's just a conversation. I never get too nervous about this stuff. Like, I didn't get nervous about when I was doing the Mayweather, McGregor stuff, which is bigger than different, different bigger. But I didn't get nervous for that stuff just because it's a conversation. Right. Yeah, and you just stay in the conversation. You don't try to get too out here what's going on.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. And that's where the reps from podcasting helps. Yes. Because you know, when like listen, you know, go back and forth, you're not really going to allow dead air. Yeah. Because I probably had, you know, they might do more TV spots like this than me,

but I've had my 10,000 hours podcasting. Right. Talking to some pretty smart intellectual peeps like yourself, you know. Yeah, dude. I was 3.2, baby. What? Oh, I was 3.2 grade point average. GPA in high school?

Yeah. Great point average. getting you in anywhere these days. Kids have to have 4.0s, extracurricular activities, invent apps and shit, just to get to any college around here. It's so competitive. Yeah. It's unfortunate.

If you're white, you better learn the ball. Bro, you better dye your skin. You know what I'm saying? You better claim that 2% Native American. Do find it. You know what I'm saying? Dig up somebody in your backyard and bring their bones. Do that 21 and me and lie about it.

That's what I'm saying, bro. It's an African in you something. Do find a chemo. be to jerk off into that Ancestry.com kit. 100%. Send that shit in, boy. My son, he's fucking cashing in, Mexican. Oh, he's Mexican, huh?

His mom's Mexicans. Fuck. Dude, get some pictures of him outside, dude. Yeah, he has a nice base already. You get him outside. He gets that red skin. We're going, and you're Stanford, here we come. Well, you get some pictures of him outside with nothing back behind him.

It makes people think like, oh, where's this kid from? Yep. And then you write that in with the application, with the essay. Yeah. Talking about hard work in the fields. Yeah. Little they know he's rich as fuck. grew up in fucking palisades.

Damn boy. Wow. Sounds like a nice kid. I want to be adopted it. I'll come over there. I'll adopt you. What do you got? What else got you got you?

Oh, I'm going to be at the Brea Improv this weekend. Oh, my bad. No, go ahead. You know, we're still going to do you. Bray Improv? I love Bray. One of my favorite spots, man.

Yeah, I'm excited about it. You there all weekend? Yeah, Thursday through Sunday. And then I'm in Jacksonville next weekend. Ooh, Jackson. I haven't been out there. I'm doing Florida to end of March. Yeah.

Florida's good, though. Oh, I love Florida, dude. You know, a lot of missing people over there. And I love the missing. And, but they have, but Jacksonville is pretty wild. It's a lot of driving around and getting nowhere, no matter where you are. Yeah, I spent some time in Jacksonville. My boy's from there, and I would do his charity all the time up there.

And Jacksonville is kind of like, it's the slower region of Florida. Oh, yeah. A lot of bodies in Jacksonville, they haven't found. I know that. Yeah, that's true. And I used to look for bodies when I was young along the interstate. There's a little bit of the older folks. there but not as old if you go down like a Boca Raton area where there's anti-agent clinics literally

like Starbucks here they're everywhere yeah you can get a fucking um you can get a latte in a damn reconfiguration right there at the counter oh you get a latte nose dropping all day yeah they'll give you square eyes down there if you want to what but you can fucking for money down there if you got a hard dick and some fucking time to kill you can go down there and get in hunting wheels down there you can get in on some wheels because a lot of ladies with money looking to catch that last fucking seven inches before they go to heaven or hell

and you can get down there and find some women with money that will leave you money in their will. Yeah, and they have extra cash flow because it's the Florida taxes. Yeah. You don't have any state tax.

Oh, that's a great point. So they're looking to spend that cash on young men. Yeah, that's a good point. Look at him, dude, he's in tree. I can see you getting into something like that. I'm a little too old for that though. Really?

Yeah. How old do you think Chin is? Have I told you this before? I think we talked about this very. Uh-uh. But I would go probably 28 to 48. you want that's a fair range he's 40 is you really yeah

I could see that man I can see he'd be in 40 or even 45 thanks dying your hair a little bit but uh do you dye your hair chin no I used to oh really yeah what color black just to make it more black I mean your hair is black as your coat son I'm sure I died it like maybe like a five six months ago

yeah and I've been growing it forever so you have grays if not I have gray's yeah I have some grayze oh you have some gray I start I get some of my chin. I'll get some gray. Damn. It's freaky, yeah. Nothing wrong with a little salt and pepper. Now, if you go full Jay Leno,

although that's kind of in, you look like the fucking dragon queen. It's all sparsing out of nowhere, so it's weird. This can be a crazy question about trying to be offensive, but it's going to happen. Do you feel Asian or not, or do you just feel like a regular person?

What? That's a fair question. But you know what I'm saying. I see what you're saying. Like, do you feel like a minority in the, like when you walk around? I definitely feel if I'm around like, like just us here, I definitely do feel like I'm Asian.

Wow. So that's actually a good question. You mean just? What do you mean? You mean in studio, you'll feel more Asian around me and Brian than you're out on the street? Because I'm, all my friends are pretty much Asian. So when I'm around like just all white people. Is the conversation different when you're around just them?

I think just because they're my friends, it's different? But is it different because you guys talk about more stuff that the Asian culture would be into? I would say this. We are definitely different. There's different things, like little things that we do differently. Like what? I don't want to bring them up. Why not?

Because it's just... You're not going to make us feel bad. I mean, I feel a little bit bad. After hearing you say that, I feel a little like... Yeah, and I feel like... Like, we're going to catch a lawsuit. No, it just brings to my attention that maybe sometimes, you know, that, you know, that my point of view could be kind of narrow sometimes. But, no, the joking stuff, I love.

I think most people enjoy that. It's just humor. But I'm saying, like, just different things that we do, like, maybe the way we eat or the way we use the bathroom and stuff like that. those things might be a little bit different oh yeah like do you guys slurp your noodles and shit right that's yeah that's one thing like we were next to a family uh over in central city mall and they have a ramen place there and they have a uh i don't kind of i don't know if it's japanese korean restaurant but you we got to go there chin you should see this place it looks ridiculous sweet it's oh it's just packed with um uh people from uh Asia so that's how you know

it's good like there's no white person in there anyways so we're eating over there and i'm have myself a nice Mediterranean meal and the family next to us is they look Japanese and they have these noodles and they're slurping them and teaching their son to slurp them. It's the way to eat the noodles. It's the best way. It's rude over here, you know? There's different things that are rude that you guys might do that we look at as rude. I can't really think of it right now. Is it the way we talk to women is do we see more rude like that kind of stuff? Maybe just like when you come in here and then if someone comes in here and they don't like offer a seat or something like that. Like something I could just see someone

bypassing without thinking twice like holding a door for a lady that too holding doors well now you're just talking i see that's that a culture thing you're just around dicks yeah that could be true dude around dick heads i wish i could think of because i still hold doors for girls i still open my car door for my girl you know i still do that shit yeah do you uh do you feel like that because i bet we probably seem real more like ego driven yes that's actually that's actually super super smart man that's exactly what i'm talking about ego driven meaning like the people you meet in here because you're meeting people in show business though that's a good point but white people are more like egotistical in a weird way it's a more one-upers not like a dick way it's

just it's just a little bit more ego i notice yeah a little bit more i bet you and your friends and you and your friends don't fart around each other no we don't yeah and i don't do that either around other guys i don't think yeah i don't either i'm kidding dude if you're close friends you fart, but I'm not going to, just random dude and fart in front of him. Yeah. I just felt like guys wouldn't do it at all. That'd be savage, dude. It's a tap a random person on the shoulder and tell him you're farting.

Bro, we got to make those videos, bro. It's a good idea. It's just called apologize first, and you apologize, but you don't tell them why. Do you guys look at girls on Instagram? What do you mean? Like, do, you know, like, sometimes I'll be, like, I'll be at the comedy store and, you know, so I'm like, dude, look, look at this. Like, check this girl out or something like that.

Do you guys do that? Definitely. It's hard to pinpoint what it is, but I think Theo's right on point when he says it's just, it's a certain amount of ego. Like, we're just way more, I would be way more welcoming or, or more respect. Yeah, a little bit more cultural than the average person. But it's not like you guys are doing it to be dicks. It's just, we were raised just this way. But what's weird, the Koreans, yes, but then, like, when we're in the airport and I deal with this here and I have nothing against them, sometimes it just happens.

But, like, with the Chinese, I feel like they're rude to me. You know what? They are. Like, when people are speaking super loud in front of. Front of me, behind me, whatever. It's still rude. It's still, but I'm also super Americanized, too. He did grow up in Texas.

Yeah. Did you really? Yeah. But were you born in Korea? Born in Korea, but left one was young. I wouldn't mind living in Texas. Oh, I think Texas is, it's going to be whenever, if there's a big war that comes in the future, between like, like, Los Angeles and New York and the rest of America, if there's ever,

things ever get that divided, the capitals will be in. Chicago and Texas, I think of like the other mid, the rest of America. I feel safer in Texas. Oh, Texas doesn't fuck around. No one really fucks at Texas. I mean, you don't want to be an El Paso on the board of Juarez because they have their issues. But I feel like if you're in Austin, you're pretty chill,

you know, everyone has guns, so no one's going to pop off. Right. And they have a lot of diversity in Texas. So I think they're, people in Texas are used to being around other cultures and other ethnicities. In a weird way, a lot of people think like, oh, Texas, but I think there's some of that old boyism, some of that shit. There's some of that, but for

the most part it's a melting pot it's a fucking melting pot and it's just about you work hard you fucking get your life shit play football shit the fuck out eat barbecue yeah drive trucks yeah drive trucks yeah drive truck get a blonde white girl yeah but some of these blonde white girl i mean that shit's over you know for blonde white girls i think for some of them like a southern bell they this some of yeah look some of them some of them stuff still around but someone when that's their only thing i'm like quit talking like that and let's fucking figure out what what the fuck's going on yeah that's tough you're talking about how they talk when they're in a pageant or

some shit yeah some of that yeah I don't mean that southern bell I just mean like a southern bell who like you know what I'm saying who rings it takes care you know just holds the fort yeah that's true oh I like a hard constantly during the day when the baby's asleep constantly watching fucking reruns a walker Texas range oh yeah yeah yeah just polishing your badge

yeah yeah and the yeah and the yeah and the get out that badge polish yeah and then I get home and she gets the smoke around with the bris getting shit and then she's making some nice mac and cheese got that Georgia ass too much there

no it's good man look dude I fell asleep one time on a plane I was on pill on some type of downers you know air downers sleepers sleepers yeah what is it

volatid or something volatum I don't know some kind of shit that put you to rest you can sleep on a plane Valium Valium Valium

and I found myself I was in a sex dream dude acting out like I was doing oral sex, you know? And I was on a plane, man. Like you were like this? No, no, dude, but it was a woman.

Too many dudes in that vision, bro. You said sometimes drugs make you gay. Well, look, not me, but men by that river. But what I'm saying is, some dude woke me up because I was literally doing oral sex in my mind, like in the air, you know?

Wow, you were fucked up. fucked up. And I wasn't even, I was just naturally just flying, you know, I was just on these, you know, flying down pills. You're completely sober now, though, right? Yeah. Yeah. You still do all like, and how, is it a, like, something you have to deal with every day? Like, is there constantly, like, some sort of struggle where you're like, you know what I'm saying? I'm like, I don't know. I've never been addicted like that. Like, because you, you have to go, and I don't know if I can say this, you tell me, but you have to go to like meetings and stuff still, right? Yeah, I go to meetings, man. I go to meetings, but I go, well, I find that. I never had a problem.

I'm drinking. You know, I like doing a little bit of cocaine here and there. Sometimes I'll still watch videos of people doing cocaine on the internet. But I also watch funerals on the internet. So that kind of gets that high out of me. But what I'm saying is that I will, I go for the fellowship and for the camaraderie, you know? It's just like a group of friends. Oh, dude.

Who are all a little fucked up. Yeah. And the stories that they share are so real. So it's like, I need something real. I need something to be fucking real or my attention. you won't do you have a good group of friends out of besides those guys not that much so you go to them for so i go to that advice you're like man i'm tweaking man i'm about the yeah but i'm never tweaking like i'm just like hey man i'm having a tough time with this girl i'm having a tough

time like feeling like like i can handle this day or i'm having a tough time like you know i'm going into this meeting and i'm questioned what i should do or i got this auto lease and i don't know what to do like it's almost like you can get like you know father figures and brother figures in that group. So that's the kind of stuff that really keeps me in. It's like emotional sobriety. And are most of them,

do they have your background or they didn't show business or are they just regular 9 to 5? I'll go to a mix of meetings. I go to some where there are people in there where I've been in the meetings in this past week with Academy Award winners and boxing national champions.

Yeah. Boxing like heavyweight champions. Yeah, a lot of those things that, I mean, especially in L.A., it's like almost a networking thing too. It's like a boys club of super successful people that just happen to have drug or alcohol addiction and then i'll go into ones i also go to ones where it's like real people like where it's like homeless dudes sitting in there

next to you just because that's kind of the environment i grew up in a little bit more like just regular people you feel comfortable with that and so i feel yeah i feel like i need to see that a lot so that i don't forget what um the world is like because you can zone yourself off and make your world however you want it to be you know and i find with those celebrity people i don't mean to interrupt you With those celebrity people, though, are there problems different than, you know what I'm saying? Like, you guys are like, you guys like, come on, man. Like, he's the guy like, this week on social media, the hate has just been unreal. That's crazy.

Unreal. Well, there's, I mean, there's groups for even, like, people that are digging to chapstick. You know, they got people out there that's rocking them fucking. That makes sense. I know a few people dig the chapstick. Yeah, people that are fucking can't get out of bed with, you know, dropping two tubes and 90 SPF on their yap. Yeah, man. There's people like that for sure.

There are. And there really are groups for that. So there's groups for everything. But yes, some people's problems to me are not big problems. But to them, it's big. And so then I have to recognize it to them, this fucktard, this problem is real to them, and then it's important. And so then it tries to take me out of being judgmental, you know?

Because my mind doesn't, my enemy is in my mind. It might sound crazy to some people. And I don't think about this shit all day. I don't go to these meetings every day. You know, I live my life regular. But there's something in my mind that doesn't want me to be. the best person that I can be. Yeah.

And I know that my heart wants me to, but my mind will try to trick me. Self-sabotage? We'll try to self-sabotage me, man. And it is, my mind is just as crafty as I am as a person. Yep. It's just as crafty. And it'll sneak in on me, bro, and find ways to try and defeat me. Start saying stuff.

Yeah, say stuff. That's where that Netflix stuff comes in, too. Yeah, make me feel less than, make me, yeah, make me nervous before I go on stage. So it's like you got the fucking... You got a demon, yeah, you got that demon. You got that Cajian demon. You got that Cajon demon. demon boy you know but you're you seem like you've wrangled him in i don't know it's it is a

battle and that's why i go to the meetings because it's a battle really and are they having the same issues some guys are there's always somebody who has the same issue or something similar so you can relate to him yeah i got friends that are flashers i got friends that are flashers like they when cars drive by they flip dick or butt uh you don't kids get arrested these days for that i don't know anybody that does butt anybody that butt flashes is awesome well that's what we used to do is kids like cars drive by we'd just flash our butt and then run off bro that's basically like hey

come molest me I know we thought it was so dangerous and naughty but kids get arrested these days that was just our fun that's something that Asians won't do that's one there you go that kind of stuff because it's just disrespectful it's something of I don't know what it is it's hilarious is what it is and they'll kill themselves if they're not

doing good you guys will kill yourself a lot of people do see we just talked about that Japanese suicide force too yeah yeah yeah but yeah that's stuff that we would laugh at it but we just wouldn't do it would you guys don't flick each other in the dick no that's not too much no they don't do that's insane that's insane that's insane dude if he did that his grandfather would kill himself right like that's awfully they have a lot more honor i feel like you guys have more of like a solid family structure is that true or no hardcore yeah

super super super you know what name the biggest Korean porn star it's probably frown well i mean come on asians and porn women yeah women of course but not really man dudes But I could see some crazy fucking dudes Like dudes jumping off a cliffs And landed in like a woman's ass My thing is with Asians are amazing I feel like they take it over the top Like oh you're gonna do that

Cool Oh you guys busts on girls face Here's a Bukaki video And they're 70 deep son That's true They just go way way deep Oh you guys like cartoons You ever seen anime?

Fuck you guys Yeah Are you like action movies? Check this out We're gonna do a movie here That's 30 years too late but still going to kill at the box office. We have John Claude Van Dam, fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger, Wesley Snipes, and they just

kill in the box office. Yeah. Oh, you guys like scary movies, and you guys always fucking do it better. Like the ring, all are scary movies. A lot of it comes from Japanese and Korean movies. Does it really? Yeah. We just redo it here.

But I think the scary movies back in the day, it used to be about like a man in the woods killing somebody. And now it's more like this. Demons? It's a little bit more, yeah, demony. You know why? Because the man in the woods ain't fun anymore. Wow.

Because it really happens. right the demon we can go and still be entertained like i can't get i almost i'm balls deep in the el choppa i'd finally finish season two last night's the lifestyle in el chapa but it's a it's a tv series on netflix it's brilliant but i almost turned it off because it's too real and this stuff actually happens because they killed this man's two kids they threw them off the bridge and they showed the video of the kid the actual video of the kids in the car like sleeping they tricked them this guy tricked them then they threw them off the this huge bridge and then murdered their mom it's just too like I don't need that in my life man I just don't like the world's dark enough

I don't need to in my downtime watch that bullshit yeah that's dark man super dark so yeah I really don't I kind of zone up from all that stuff but I saw like the conjuring and in the city of four and all that and that I have way more fun going to watch because it's not real right like I'd rather watch that than watch like a hostel where it's going people getting cut up and stuff because that's real yeah yeah like that kind of stuff can really be happening what do you guys what do you you like, you know, I hate to say you guys, I feel like I'm always trying to get you to speak for like, you know, everything

fucking country. Everything east of Poland. It totally makes sense, though, but yeah, what we're saying? Like, what do you? Like, what genre movie do you like? Yeah, like when it comes to horror stuff, what's it like for people that are similar maybe to you or not? That kind of look like me a little bit? Yeah, the ballpark.

I do like Korean horror films. The one, but I do it well. I agree. I don't like the gory stuff. I like, like, like, mental thrillers things that are just suspenseful mentally yeah yeah and dark and scary and ghostly yeah is that your favorite type of movie no genre what's your favorite

so you know that I got no little fucking fact thing Theo you know he sings country music no any other generalizations about Chin do I love country music my fucking balls just started fucking mosh pitting against each other dude I can't believe that really and he can say Jim

just play a video for him for me dude I could get you some work play a video Chin so we can educate Theo dude I could get you some work over fucking Skype probably this afternoon you know and you know he also did a voiceover

for Rango if you know that movie Rango that Johnny Depp movie Oh yeah Here's Chin singer Again I'm in a dirt road

For the power rolls With a creed bang It's a game With his face Wow, dude. You just fucking shattered every stereotype I ever thought on that. Oh, line blown. That's why I wanted to bring you in.

Wow. That's crazy. Right? Yeah. That's fascinating. He's a Korean. Yeah. Welcome. That's Korean Garth Brooks.

Damn. Got Brooks. Got. G. What was Garth Brooks? Yeah. What was? Remember when he did that weird ones?

Chris Gaines. What would Godbrook be? Guard, Garbrook, it's just G-A-R-T. God-Bruck. V-R-O-K. God-R-O-K. God-R-O-K.

God-R-R-K. Dude, you've got to be God-Bruke. God-Bruke. But he's dressed like Chris Gaines today. Bro, you need to get a fucking blue shirt and a fucking hat, come out, waves to an invisible audience, and just like God-Bruke. You could kill it, Joe. Bro, in five days you did that, I'll share the fuck out of it.

Do you also know Chinu's? be over 300 pounds. No way. You keep saying 300. Oh, it's 285. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm off. Oh, my bat.

Sin one at 85. Dude, you're not expecting to be that close. I mean, he's a fighter, you know? I should know, but it used to be 285 pounds. Wow. They also used to be in a boy band. That's why you're so kind. I can tell.

Because people that were big and lost weight are always very kind. Always, right? 100%. You know what? In person, they're very kind. On the internet, they're very mean. Oh, wow. How?

Because they can get away with it, because I can't see their Cheeto fingers. I think maybe the last people to comment on, oh, wait, you're not talking about weight stuff, right? I am talking about when they're big. A lot of times, and this is generalization, and we've done this on the show. A lot of this whole world's a generalization. I know, but a lot of times, a lot of the hate comes from, they hate themselves. So when they see you doing something, they want to spew that hate on it. Yeah.

That makes sense. It's like, yeah, there's something in me when I see somebody. and it's envy or something. It just turns into fear inside of me or something and then jealousy and then lash out. You envy what? I mean, other comics? I would envy other comics for a while.

Sometimes these days I don't as much because I feel like I'm a little bit more focused. Yeah, a little bit more focused on what I'm doing than before when I was a little bit just like this. You're trying to find your lane, though. You finally found your path and also you're as legit as it comes as a comedian. I think sometimes people are confused with jealousy,

with inspiration, like, I'll see what Rogan's doing, I'll see what you're doing, or Chris DeLea, or any of the top guys, Bill Burr, Kevin Hart for that matter, he's taking the torch and fucking ran with it. And it's not, there's no jealousy, and zero. It's just inspiration. Yeah.

Yeah, I think that's what... Damn, I want that for myself. Like, I'll see, I go, oh, damn, I want that for myself. That would be a home run for me, man. God, it's cool to see someone doing that. Well, yeah, man, you've been sticking with us for a while now, man. How long you've been doing stand-up for? When I did my first live, finally, kid, I don't know, four years ago, three years ago.

And I did my first set set, like, own personal set, probably, I don't know, two years ago maybe. And then I've been on, like, doing my own, like, straight up show, like our show. Oh, yeah. I started, when was the first Big Brown at Ice House? Ice House. That was last, around December, like December, January, I think. Last December, right? And you facilitate all that, Ken.

We started in January. He facilitates it all? What? You facilitate all of that when they go do it? No, we did the Big Brown Breakdown Live for a good chunk of it, where we did it like we do the show. But now he's straight up stand-up. But do you go and do the live show when they go do it?

Some of them. Some of them, yeah. Oh, that's cool. Some of them. Because that was the evolution of kind of how I got in the stand-up is I would do the live podcast, but it was just the way for me to get stage time and work on my craft. I'm doing this. But then I would do, you.

know, 30 minutes stand up before and then talk about the fights and the Dufan questions. Yeah. And then once I wrote enough material, it's like, nope, just all stand up now. Yeah. There's like these training wheels. I've been so fortunate, man. So fortunate to have a platform to do it. Yeah, it's cool, man.

It's been interesting, man. This whole world has been interesting. I remember when I started doing my own podcast like a year ago, I was like, I don't know anything to talk about. And then, like, it's just helped me build almost more self-confidence to be able to talk. And listening to guys like, you know, guys like Rogan especially, just, and getting, like, encouragement from guys like that, you know, or being able to ask you about a question, you know, like, what do I do here, you know?

I feel like podcasts and it's therapeutic a little bit, because, again, I, when's a lot, I mean, you and I see each other at the comedy store and we'll talk for a little bit, maybe 20 minutes max before we're in the back about to go on, maybe 30 minutes, but it's a group of us were spitballing and bullshit and trying to make each other laugh. But here, I mean, we've talked for damn near two hours now. You know what I'm saying? So it's like when... The second longest conversation I've ever been in.

Yeah. Rogan being the first. First, but I feel like it's third, you know, it's almost therapy. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah, I think so, man. I think it's definitely interesting. I appreciate you guys having me in. I can't believe Brian's this late.

But no, I appreciate, man. I don't know if I can, I should have, I saw it on, it was on variety so I can say it. So remember when Brian shut that spinoff and he got canceled? I cried for Brian. Wow. There's a big moment for him and I, he'll, he's going to hate me for saying this. Brian has always been the guy Because he's been show business so long

His heart's so ice cold from it And he's so non-emotional about Acting comedy He doesn't give a fuck You know I'm like I sold out Wilburys like very cool Anyways you want a ham sandwich I'm like all right man But that's just Brian

He's just so he's the kid He's the kid He named him that self But anyways So he This is a year ago maybe Or in May He shot a spin off for the Goldbergs

where he's the coach, and he has a big role in it. And I was telling him, like, dude, it's going to happen. This is going to happen for you. And I was encouraging him. And he'd be so negative and drove me fucking nuts. And I'm like, just admit you want this, man. He's like, no, no, no, I don't care. I have no control over it.

I don't care. This is show business. I'm like, all right, man. And then it'd be just me and him. I'm like, dude, admit you want this for me. He'd be like, nope, not going to do it. Then he texts me at midnight. I'll never forget this.

He was in San Francisco. I think he was in San Francisco. Maybe he was in Denver doing shows. And he texts and he goes, hey, brother, I find out tomorrow morning if I get the show. You're the only one I'm going to tell this to, but it's going to hurt if I don't get it. Wow. And I was like, you're fucking getting it, man. You're getting it.

I get goosebumps talking about it. And then next morning, I was his first call. He goes, didn't happen. Oh, you know, I lied to him. I was so heartbroken for him, man. I was so sad for him because I knew how, even though he won't admit it, how bad he wanted that. Yeah. Because Brian's, I don't give a fuck what he tells you guys.

Brian's number one. passion is acting. Brian came to L.A. to be an actor. And sometimes Brian's a very successful actor. Yeah, yeah. Brian works non-fucking stop. Brian's on the Goldbergs. Brian compares himself to Hugh Jackman and, you know, these Kevin Hartz.

Yeah. So to him, he's like, you know, this was his big break. Well, today I go on variety like I do every morning, like a goddamn gentleman. And I'm scrolling through and it says, uh, the spinoff of the Goldbergs is re-erected. No way. directed. They're going to bring it back and test it. But they're going to, but they're not testing it just a sample.

They're going to put it on? They're going to put it on. Wow. But that doesn't know this? No, no one knows this. That doesn't mean he got picked up. You know this whole time and didn't tell us this? Yeah. Well, I just said it just remembered. What the fuck, dude? I know. I'm a bad person. I want to talk about myself. It's great. It's brain trauma. You should have said this right in the beginning. I probably should have. Well, now people

have to listen all the way through our bullshit. That's true. Dude, that is awesome. So he must be ecstatic. Nope. Talk to him about it. Because I sent him that link, I go, bro, it's happening. I fucking told you. Maybe not happened the way you wanted to, but it's happening. And he goes, they're just going to test it.

It doesn't mean they pick it up. We got a response. I'm like, fuck, I'd you fuck off. I was, I would think the best. I don't mind being brokenhearted, man. I don't, I don't, listen, I'm waiting. Maybe I'm not supposed to say. So with E, the thing I did for them for the Golden Globes.

Yeah. That was my tryout to be on E. Yeah. So if that went well, they have to pick up my other. options for Academy Awards Oscars, MetGala, all of it, right? So if that went, well, I don't know yet. I'm waiting to find out.

Do I want that? Fuck yeah. I love doing that stuff, man. But Brian's like, no, just take it out of your mind. Like, but why? I don't mind be, I'm not embarrassed if I don't get it. You're going to get. If I tell the fans, I don't care.

You know what I'm saying? I don't care. You're going to use a lot of face of moisture out of probably. Probably. And you don't have to get some, you have to get ears, bigger ears put on. Probably, right?

Eventually, during two years, you're going to have fucking big ears you're going to be so different so different you know big ears you have your neck filed down a little bit on the sides

let's finish these current events dude that's awesome though man do you think but I have one question do you think that he doesn't get the excitement

because like why because he's what he's a he's a friend well just from what he's saying it seems like he's just he's so used to not getting it he doesn't want to prepare himself

to get it that's the nature of the business. Brian's such a seasoned amazing actor. Right. He's been this close. So you know, Brian was supposed to be Will, unwilling grace. It came down to him and the guy who got it. Did you guys know that? I don't know who that guy

is either. I don't either. Grace. That was supposed to be Brian. You know what I'm saying? So, and he's Brian's been this close to this movie and this close to this movie and this and this and this. So after a while, he's like, it's out of my control man. I'm not going to put entered and I get it. I'm different. He

goes, you know, I'm out of my control. I'm could put energy in that because the chance of that happening there's so many moving pieces and i've learned the hard way myself i had this pilot i shot and it took a year and a half for them to finally turn it down but they kept danglingly care in front of my face i tell brian it's happening it's happening he's like no it's not bro and he's like you don't understand i'm not saying it's not but it's so out of your control it's not funny you did your job you got paid great job but there's so many moving pieces and for a show to get picked up it's not even funny and i'm learning this now with this venture i'm doing i can't talk about right now but

I'm learning it now where you're just like holy shit there's so many to get this train moving there's so many pieces yeah and that to Brian's point

and he's pretty the way he does it's probably the correct way to do it I like to be excited as fuck I like to have be I like the ups and downs not not saying

when I don't get a job I'm not brokenhearted but I like but when I do get it it's so much more right and maybe it could be because I mean

and this is me just throwing things out because I totally understand where Brian's coming from like Brian's doing it right yeah he's been just protecting himself For 30 years.

Yeah, and he does it. He just protecting himself, you know, and this town will, you can be the best at something and not, and it's not even about that. And never get your shine. Yeah. And it's not even about that, you know. Like, I honestly believe Brian's one of the best comics in the world. Excuse me, especially you see him in person.

Yeah. Brian's, like, he's so entertaining. He's funny on this mic, right? And his specials are good. But Brian in person is one of the best comics you've seen in the world. The video doesn't do it justice. Doesn't do it justice. And I don't know how.

how they could get that to come across, but someone well, Brian's one big Netflix special from just blowing up, which if anyone deserve it, it's him. Brian is going to be 51. Wow,

really? Fifty one. He needs a moisture you're using. He does. That's what I've been thinking about when you, I'm not around the guy. I know this guy.

He needs the hair transplant guy you went through. Oh, I know this guy. He needs a party. If I get six people to do it. Well, count Brian in. I'll pay for it.

Oh, I get a discount. Well, I got one for you. And this guy's legit and he will not just put hair on you for no reason. I got one for you. Like, don't get me wrong, and we'd always figure out how to do the firing kid, but if Brian came, he was like, bro, I'd blown up so much. I get my spinoff on ABC and now I'm a movie star, firing kid stuff for me to do. Oh.

That would, it would, don't you wrong. I love doing so Brian as my best friend and break my heart. We'd figure something out to still put it on. The fighter and the Kim Chee, move out chin over in. Fighter and the Theo. Fighter and the Theo, dude. I'd get out here and fight. I'd be broken hard, but I'd also be so happy for Brian.

Yeah. Man, I'm going to think about that. I'm going to wish that for him because, you know, sometimes you forget, you just see these guys in passing a lot. You know, at comedy clubs, you forget some of the struggle. And Brian seems so young, too, like he's just so fucking vivacious and young. You know, you forget that. I'm 37, so that's another 13, 14 years of struggle he's had out here. Major struggle, too, you know, like, Brian.

And he's so talented. I remember seeing him on, yeah, on TV show and be like, damn, that guy's hilarious, you know. It always steals the scene. Frank and back. So that shows you it's not about. that it's about these other fucking mooks out here just depends where you need your break maybe brian gets his break at 50 when that's happened for some i'm i'm not we're sounding like brian hasn't been successful brian's successful he he's a working actor let's him what's an actor but i'm talking

about being that breakout star where brian you know is doing his thing where he feels justified correct he hasn't felt justified yet yeah i can i can totally empathize with that and i want that for him yeah i do too man i'm gonna think about that that he that he that he gets that did i'm gonna put that from my hope list. Yeah, because he deserves it, man. We'll put my stuff on there, too, though. Your stuff can wait a few years, guy. Your stuff can wait a few years guy.

Yeah, I'm on the back burner. Oh, yeah, you're on the back burner. Dude, there's only one front burner. We just fucking put the kid on it. I know, but you got to put me out. Sometimes people have two. Dude, we don't have two. You're, can you start up another burner?

I'll try. I want your burner, though. I don't know what to talk about. I'm the fucking, I'm out of your moving pots, bro. The skillet. All right, Jim, what else you do. We'll put you in the skillet. Put me in the skillet, Doug.

All right, this is everywhere, as you know, the H&M ad that came out about a little black kid wearing something on his hoodie that says, coolest monkey in the jungle. You guys did hear about this. Is that racist, Theo? I don't think so. I think this was an accident. And I think at a certain point that we have to stop saying that everything is racist. It's like, it's almost becoming starting to be for me, the boy who cried wolf.

It's like, I don't think, I don't look at this and think that this is. is racist. If someone does look at it and they say, oh, this, this is racist, you're racist. Yeah, then, yeah, then you're racist. I didn't even have that thought in my mind. When my girl showed me this, I'm like, okay, what's wrong with this hoodie? She's like, says monkey on. I'm like, but he's not a monkey. She's like, well, that's racist. I'm like, if you think of black people as monkeys, it is. Right. And back in the day, people refer to him that, but I don't come from that culture. I don't come from that background. So when I see it, I'm like, oh, it's a cute little black boy, you know, the coolest monkey in the jungle. And then some white kid with a

shitty haircut that says from the power of mangrove jungle yeah yes if it said jungle owner and shit like that then you're like what the fuck's going on here yeah if that little white boy sweatshirt said monkey owner and then his shirt says coolest monkey

then we got problems yeah but if you're h&m you're such a big thing like a big corporation just to be safe probably don't put the bike in the monkey that's exactly the argument that's what i don't think they're racist right no no they're saying it's poor taste, you should have known better, you have

so many people in the company letting this pass by, so it feels as if they wanted that to get out there. Or they're just so anti-racist, they're like, what? Or that too, that's possible. Are you kidding me? Right, like nobody's thinking that anymore. It's fucking 2019. I bet some parts of South Carolina are thinking that, but other than that,

no one's really... And also, some parts of black culture need to also, I think, and this, I mean, I'm not black, but, need to quit sometimes it's just like don't if you continue to just push this that everything is wrong then it's always going to be that way

I agree if we just don't bat an eye to this and just like that's a cute black boy in a shirt that says coolest monkey in the jungle yeah now is it racist if the white kid was in a sweatshirt too that's the coolest monkey in the jungle if they're both in the same thing is that racist now that might have been a better idea yeah that would be different that would be the better

that would be different but it would still point they would look at their little black kids. But, you know, have you thought of maybe, you know, a lot of different companies make these kind of risque stuff? To get headlines. To get headlines? Correct. And then sometimes it overshoots.

Then this time it bit them in the ass. Like, I wonder if that might have happened. That's such a big bite in the ass, though. I know. That's what I'm saying. Sometimes it works, but then this is horribly going wrong. And all these different celebrities like the weekend, he cut his deal with HM and so did a G-Easy.

They both left. Well, I mean... Well, they have pressure from fans to do that. Of course. Agreed. And H&M also also makes shitty clothes now anyway. It used to be a little bit more quality. I mean, the same company owned by Zara. Zara used to be nice and now it's fucking, you go into Zara and it's like a violent H&M in there.

Yeah. It is. It's so messed up. But then celebrities just use stuff like this to make them look a certain way. That's also true too. And that's some things that I'm tired of. So G. So, G.

Sorry, guys. Over the past months, I was genuinely excited about launching my upcoming line in collaboration with H&M. Unfortunately, after seeing the disturbing image yesterday, my excitement over our global campaign quickly evaporated. I've decided at this time our partnership needs to end. Whether oblivious oversight or not, truly sad and disturbing that until 18 something. So racially and culturally and sensitive could pass by the lives so many stylists, photographers, creative marketing teams, and be deemed acceptable. I can't allow for my name and brand to be associated with a company that could let this happen. I hope this situation will serve as a wake-up call that H&M and other companies need.

um yeah yeah i've just heard this to me to me somebody who doesn't feel this type of way it's just it's just like gizi has to do this though because you're gonna get some backlash if this comes out and then your

collab comes out of the fans are like what the fuck you support these racist bastards so that's a good point he would probably lose more money if he wrote this out but there's probably half the people are still going to go shop at hm next week who don't give it who are just sitting at home fucking saying probably won't affect their sales right yeah i would probably still buy because it's cheap i would still buy because i don't think

they're racist i think they're stupid yeah i think they made a mistake move yeah let me ask you this then would you i'm just thinking off the top of my head right so if i wore a hoodie or if i was in an ad and i wore a hoodie is it a white hoodie let's say it's uh let's say it's an underarmor hoodie because it'll go with what i'm saying and what if it said don't be the chink in the armor and I was wearing it would you let that ad go out or would you not think twice about that I would not let that ad go out

I would not let that ad go out interesting but if you had one that says super chink on it I might think that that's fun if it had a cape on the back I wouldn't let it go out I would buy one personally

and wear it just with you yeah we'd each have one what about if you had a hoodie on and it said I'm good at math or if it said of course I'm good at math there you go that's a really good one is that racist because it's it's a positive thing it doesn't say anything well a monkey is just it's just not good for a human

being to be compared to a monkey what if what if nikes are fucking super capable they are okay they're very smart and we did start strong but um what if a what if a what if nike did campaign with a black kid and his shirt said of course i'm athletic yeah that would be yeah is that racist yeah it seems like it would be a little too much sorry what was it again I want to know this one if Nike did a campaign

with a black kid or black man it said of course I'm athletic racist or not fast strong yeah I mean

no because it's probably like a positive but it might seem I mean the only people that really get to cry to get to say what's racist are people that have aren't white

that aren't white Yeah, but I think it's going to start evening out a little bit more where hopefully we get to a level where everyone looks at each other or we perceive that we all look at each other the same. Good luck. So then we can, you know, see race, you know, everybody that is, you know, if somebody really is racist. Because, I mean, I've felt racism before from people. It's like, you know, it's how you learn what it feels like. But is that racist? If it's positive, yeah, it's probably is racist.

Probably is right. you know of course I'm athletic but it wouldn't be as I mean the math thing wouldn't be as racist as the athletic thing for some weird reason right wouldn't you do you agree or no if I said of course I'm good at math

compared to a black guy wearing of course I'm athletic right which one do you feel is more racist um which one you feel is more offensive hmm the black one I don't know you know they're all the same I don't know they of course

athletics is also a pride it's like fucking I'm athletic but it's not true right it's not true but all Asians aren't good at math

they just emphasize math more in their culture right and also well Asians are fucking I mean here's the thing some ethnicities are

so far in time with whatever little evidence we might draw from here in America you know which is probably pretty limited

would appear then better at some things or the argument with that in those cultures in those ghettos in those in those wards in those uh poor low-income places are those children that predominantly happen to be african-american are they pushed into sports right because that's their only you know that's one of their avenues to get out there to make money oh as a white kid in certain neighborhoods that maybe he's middle class you know or maybe he is poor but they're not pushed so much on sports yeah so that's why to do are we just

assuming they're better at sports or they're more athletic and you know more explosive or is it just they focus on it more the same as the Chinese do when it comes to math or you know because our brains are all the same we've learned that right that's one thing we know every human's brain is the same yeah so since you were born if your sole focus was to be the fastest man on the planet and to get good at soccer probably can be pretty fucking good yeah if everyone around you the same way. It's this competitive nature. We're all trying to make to the league. You're all going to be pretty fucking good. And especially if I look around my neighborhood and the only person that anybody knows who's had success is in two or three different avenues.

You're going to focus on that. And those are your only choices and those are things for survival. Education is not the focus. Right. You're going to focus more on sports. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Because I think that those are ones where it's more of, you know, you can't have as much white privilege in those type of environments or as much European privilege or whatever you want to call it, you know. those are areas where you can get in and you can make your mark no matter what are easier. See, I could imagine. I mean, that's, you know, and it's got to be tough and it's got to be unfortunate. And then it starts to become that probably there's some black children out there or poor white children that feel like the only way that they can succeed that's even cool is through sports or music. Correct.

So then that has to be a little bit self-deaf, like, unfortunate because then they don't even want to try these other avenues that are now available to them. Because they're also told, like, this is, to get out here, this is what you're going to do, or, man, make sure you're doing this or focus on this. Right. You know? Or it's not hip. It's not hip now in that culture to be anything else. Then, like, if you're poor, it's not hip to be like, oh, I remember growing up my neighborhood. If I told me, I want to be a fucking lawyer, you're going to beat the fuck out of me.

Correct. You know? It's just not cool. So in poor culture, it's like, it's not cool to be anything other than athletic or a musician, you know. So that's like a bad. focus yeah and then that then you fuck up because those the only things you're going for if you don't have those capabilities anymore and there's so much more available to you now like in india some of the best uh computer programmers in the world are indians yeah in the world

there's some of the best they're taking you know not taking jobs but they have a ton of jobs they come over here they do a great job uh me and my brother talking about this you think they're what what do you think they're so good at because they put a focus on computer programming yeah so now they have you know how many people do they have there a shitload so you're gonna get some people who you can learn math just fucking dividing up a sandwich over there you know it's like but if you're in china that you know they focus on schools and academics be like god chinese people are always smart well in their culture they're told they have to do that yeah it's more smart white kids they're smart black kids yeah it's just what's readily available

smart russians it just depends what you're geared towards what you grow up in i think we're all the same uh it's interesting fact that we all have the same brain man fuck i'm gonna tell my friends that go tell your friends we're all the same what else you got chin we do one more do we're gonna get theo out of here all right cool am I fucking up your schedule with you we just we're just some chatty kathies yeah it's a good show

all right a kayaker in Japan admitted to setting up his rival by putting a banned substance in that rival's drink before they race hilarious and that guy got caught and he was banned for life the guy who put the sub the guy that got slipped the supplement oh the

the substance can he prove that that that guy put the drink in there so check it out he was this guy felt so guilty this is the guy's face by the way he commits suicide no he felt so guilty he admitted it to the to the officials wow and now he's banned for eight years from the kayaking sport at least it's only eight years yeah and that guy is obviously you know he's redeemed now the other guy's good to go tight move man oh folks so it actually happened people yeah put in the honor the shame that he probably feels huh yeah because shame was pretty heavy, I feel like, in his culture from the looks of him. But you're also, you're also guilty, well, the guy who was falsely fucked over, the way

steroids worked in those accusations, you know, how many people heard about him, you know, being screwed over? A lot of people just were like, oh, he took steroids, he's fucked to ride him off. He goes in a restaurant, so talking about him, you know, it's not like, no, no, no, hold on. Didn't you see the story? Like, nah, we don't care, man. They wouldn't care about the story.

The allegation, right when it comes out, you're screwed. This guy also has a history of like messing people's gear, like stealing stuff out so they don't have stuff. He looks like a shifty one. He looks like a shifty one. I want to trust him. He's like one of those guys on the file, one of those ultimate fighter or something, things that cheats or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, like a Junie Browning or war machine or some shit.

Is that it, Chin? Boom. Well, brother, you're at the Bray Improv this weekend. Thursday, Friday, Saturday? And Sunday. Yep, at the Bray Improv all weekend. I'll be in Jacksonville, the following week. weekend. I got Portland coming up. I got...

You're at Heelham in Portland? I'm going to be at Harvey's in Portland. I'm going to be at Harvey's in week. Yeah, it seems cool. Yeah. I've never been to this place called Harvey's, but I'm excited. Nice, man. And then I'll be in La Jolla and some other places.

You can check it out on TheoVon.com slash tour. Boom. 2017, TFACK guest of the year. Theo Vaughn, everyone. Delivered as usual, man. We're a couple chatty-cathies when we get together. Well, dude, it was nice. I had a really nice time, and I appreciate you thinking of them. It was fun.

I talked to you more than. Anyone else? I loved it. This was fun, man. Yeah, sorry if we didn't include you that much, MJ. We'll try it. You shouldn't have a mic. Oh, yeah.

That's a bummer. But we weren't trying to be sex. I wasn't trying to be sexy. No, not at all. Hashtag zero. Okay, good. Thursday, tomorrow, as you guys listen to Thursday night, I'm in Portland, Heelim. Thursday, one show, Friday, two shows, Saturday, two shows.

All those shows are almost sold out. Go to Tfatkk.com right now for tickets. And then the only other show that's not sold out are we just added another date, January 31st, Comedy Works downtown Denver. The February first one is sold out. So we had a show on that Wednesday night, 31st. And then on the third and fourth, I'm in St. Louis. St. Louis, come and get it.

Come and get it. TVatK.com for tickets. And then Brian is in Nashville. Zanies this weekend. Go see one of the best comics in the world. Brian Cowan, Zanys, Nashville, Tfatk.com. We love you guys. This is The Fighter and the Vaughn.

We're out. Hey.