The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 331 Will Sasso

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

Will Sasso joins Bryan as today's special co-host to honor Bryan with a special trophy and the guys talk balloon knots, acting, "diamonding" and the fate of the 10 minute podcast, the martial art of Callen-Do, Will's max bench press, Cambodian BLT's, pink dolphins and much more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken. Chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight Club. Fight Club.

Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onet's... studios in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live.

That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you see. Live. But we're not live. We don't do it live, right? And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shut.

This is not live. It's not live. You can move. You can move it. whatever why do you have your your bag that close to your name because i just flew on a fucking airplane let me read to you guys what will said to me and are you going now is this the podcast yeah we're going now hey everybody welcome to the man but they're not hearing the kid no hey we got a great show for you we're going to be talking about some midst martial arts all right well lifestyle

sex one yeah yeah yeah sexualine all right sexuan lifestyle section and it's sexual Brian the Kid, Galler. You get to drop some knowledge. All right. Well, listen, I get this from Schaub. Hey, Will, have fun taking my spot today. If Callen tried to talk politics with something super boring, you have my preparation to sock him in his old fat dick.

And now I go, hey, and then Sasa goes, do you mean to say that when people approach today's wide media landscape seeking political coverage and opinions that they shouldn't count T-fat K as a clear option? I mean, how are people going to get their news? old windbag McGregurgitate von something he heard doesn't play moron Anderson Cooper with your listeners. Whatever, dude, it's your show.

I'm like, Will. And then Shob goes, Will for president, Callum for sucking dick. Really mature. And then I go, you got to take this back, guys. And then I get this from Will, in quotes. Hi, my name is Jimmy, and I love the fighter and a kid. When I look for opinions, I can trust today's fast-paced news cycle. I listen to Brian Callan or one of my dad's friends who,

does whatever for a living and watches, Hannity sometimes. Then I get, Brian, I'm taking a shit and get an Uber. Give you an ETA soon. Yeah, how disrespectful. You want me to show up? I showed up. That's my commitment to your listeners. You want to talk about what a diehard guest host

slash sometimes guest. I am of this podcast. I was just, I've been, I've been, what do they call it? Where have you been? Why, you know, I've been everywhere. Don't be so I don't be so... North York, Virginia, California

on my mind. Don't be so, Jed. I saddle that gray and rode and roll and all across Carolina. It's pretty good. Round two struggle to turn to halfway across Alabama. A ham broke down

lift it's all standing down to a Birmingham. It's very good, dude. You know, it's fun. You can make a living as a singer. I would love nothing more than to set up shop in Reno Nevada. And sing the same songs over and fucking over again. And just put up a review, you know, and drive maybe a fancy car, like a sports car, like a Miata. Well, can I ask you this?

Can I ask you this? Because sometimes it rains in Reno. It's not quite Vegas. Go on. I think that being a rock star, I read this thing about, like, who Radiohead was talking about what their life was really like, where you sing the same song over and over again, and you get on a plane or a bus with the same band members. And at one point, they'd been like on their, 80th day or 200th day touring, and they just couldn't look at each other anymore. They just were like, I'm not going to look at him. I'm just going to sit here and get on a plane and go to the next venue and sing the same song. 80 or 90 days in a row. Yeah, I think I go crazy. Wow, that's something. You know what I have to say for them in their behalf? Yeah, yeah, well, go ahead.

Wang. Some people work at jobs for upwards of, oh, five years, 10 years. Yeah, I know. Some people even working the same job for 30 years. I'm just saying. Also, radio head doesn't make music. So It should be pretty easy for them to roll around making whatever the fuck it is they make. No, no, don't say it on making music. Since it's nothing. No, don't. Since it's nothing. They're a great band.

Oh, they're whatever. Hey, you want to hear re-dolling. Hey, put on plastic peat. What is that? Plastic. Big plastic trees? Yeah. Sorry for clearing my throat in your listeners' years.

That song came out over 20 years ago, Brian. What I'm referring to is the shit now. I don't know. Yeah, well, that's why you... I don't know from now, okay? Okay. Hey, you know, I was at the airport. Yeah.

And I got you something. You got me a gift? Yeah, I got you a gift. Seriously? Yep. So sweet. I was at the airport. All right.

Is that a snake? There you are, my friend. That's for you, because I was at the airport, and I thought you might enjoy that. And I come bearing gifts. Hollywood Best Woman. Yep. That was the only one they had. That's the only one they had left.

So you got me what looks like an Oscar. It looks like an Oscar, but it's not. And it says Hollywood Best Woman. It says Best Woman on it. And that's for you. Why would you do that? Because I wanted to get you a nice gift from the airport because you're having... It's a condescending gift.

Yeah. And don't do that with your face. Because you know what I'm saying. That's weird. That's weird. Don't search... Hold on a second. Hold on.

I don't know if my watch is quite working correctly. Last time I checked, it was 2,000. Yeah. Are you saying that's insulting? I'm just saying that you gave me a... Well, wait, let me ask you a question, Brian. In 2017, what would you consider the year of 2018? I don't know. That would be the what? What would we call that?

The hero, the woman? Just one year? It's the future, Brian, and the future is female. And if you're going to not be a scumbag and you want to be equal to people like your wife. Yeah. And, you know... And my girlfriend. and your girlfriends and Maya Angelou and my angelo and my angelo and uh you know I and Julie Roberts

and people like that then are you going to have to embrace this so stop being a fucking piece of shit I'm not a boy don't say I'm a best one why are you not a woman how do you think because I'm a man with a huge stick hold on a second hold on a second heavy balls that you have you that create a lot of testosterone and semen okay but that doesn't mean that I'm not trying to be gross but that's okay but that doesn't mean but that doesn't mean that you can't be honored and excited by me calling you a woman nope I can, because I grow hair on my face and I'm, I'm Veed out like a motherfucker. That may be.

I'm a vied out like a mother fucker. Yeah, that may be. But you're also, all they had left was woman. And I'm aggressive. And you should be happy. I'm aggressive enough to fantasize about punching you in the face until you die. So are some women. That's true.

Well, then what the fuck? But I don't appreciate this. You're being, uh, turn this gift to you. You're going to be, don't give that back to me. I'm going to give that back to me. Brian, if you give that back to me, I will insert it into you. Now, here's the thing. That is.

That is an outrageous thing to say on fucking camera. Brian, I'm being calm. You're inserted into me? Where? All I'm saying is, I gave you. All I'm saying is I gave you a gift. If you decide to return that gift to me that I thought you would enjoy. Yeah, careful now.

Careful. Careful. Because I'm going to give you another chance. Because what you just did is. I will take that gift. Yeah, okay. Careful. Insert it into you.

Okay, man. Okay, Brian. Okay, man. Because that would be rude. I got to say that you just... And I think you're being a fucking thought fascist. No, I'm not. Yeah, you are.

You just said you were going to... You went with your finger. You did a loop and you push pointed... Your finger went up in the air, which means that clearly is an indication you're going to stick it right on my shitter. No, that's not what it means. Then what does it mean? I'm saying, you can draw from this what you like.

Well, I am. I got you a gift. It says that it's a best woman. It's an Oscar, but not quite really. Yeah. And you should be honored to have that. And it's fucking... And the future is female.

Yeah. You fucking piece of shit. Okay? You fucking... You just threatened... And if you don't... If you don't take this gift, then you're not just a piece of shit.

A fucking thought fascist. You're a misogynist. You're just threatened to... You're just threatened to insert this in... Male. And if you try to give it back to me, I'm being very calm when I say this, Brian. I will insert it in you.

That's three times that you've threatened... Okay. To... To essentially fuck me with this thing. Now, I'm going to give it back. I'm going to keep it over here, and I'm going to give it back to you later. No. I want you to, I want you to feature prominently here in your studio is what I want.

I want you to build a little shelf out of this. The guy who makes this is a good guy. It took me a long time to etch that out of solid. You did not make that. Some guy makes a bunch of those. In the California countryside. Please ask him for a similarly affected and diseased panel. of wood that you can screw into there as a little shelf to put your best woman award on it.

Get your finger out of my face, bro. I'll fucking shove it up your hole. Let's take it. I'll shove it right up your shit hole. You just said blatantly where you put it. That thing's got little creases on the side where it was put together because it was made far away by children with little hands. And those little edges cut.

Oh no. And I'll fucking ram it up your balloon knot. And it'll hurt to shit for weeks if I do that. Don't call that balloon knot. You're so aggressive right now. fucking little brown balloon knot. Don't call it a brown balloon nut. I would take like, you know, if you took like bubble gum,

yeah, like chocolate, do they make chocolate gum? I don't know, dude. And chew it up and then just take your, your nostril in your ear hairs go, and then just twist it into the fucking brown gum. And that's a replica of my, my- That's your shithole. And then take that fucking thing and try to put the gum on it like a hat. And you'll bleed.

Okay, bro. I'm going to ask you, I'm going to do. a reset. Yeah. You want to start over? Well, no, I don't want to start over, but I do want to start metaphorically over because you're obviously got some problems that you're dealing with. I don't know what's in those drinks?

Oh, fuck. I've been traveling. What have you been doing? Loudermilk? No, we're going back to shoot another season of Loudermoke. Loudermilk. You don't talk well. I'm having a stroke.

Yeah. Loudermilk, hey, you can watch it on Amazon now. Good. Watch Loudermil. You can get my special on Amazon Prime, by the way. I just found out. You can stream it. Yeah.

You can also. buy like, you know, AC filters and, you know. Don't do that, dude. Giant box of fucking toothpaste or something. Don't. Don't. All right. Wait. Whatever. Whatever. My artistry with a box of toothpaste. Hey, I'm trying to say, I'm, I'm your guest host here. And I'm saying that watch Loudermilk on Amazon. And then you said, what's Loudermilk about? Buy a humidifier. What's it about? It's about. It's about people with substance abuse problems, i.e. Ron Livingston, who is a, who, you know, sort of He was a group on that sort of stuff.

Tremendous actor. Don't say tremendous. He's a good actor. Well, he's tremendous is what he is. And I play his roommate, best friend, and sponsor. Oh, and by the way, I'm drinking. So it's a fun show, and we're going back to shoot another season. It was on the audience network.

You can get it on the audience now or something app. And Peter Farrelly did it, and it's very funny. Peter Farley is a great guy. Written by Bobby Mort, and we're doing another season later. No, but I was in Atlanta. in a different show. And then... What are you doing in Atlanta?

Kevin probably saves the world. It's an ABC show. You know Jason Ritter? I know all of this, P. I know everybody in Hollywood, but let me ask you this. He's a sweetheart of a guy. I don't care, but what are you, first of all...

He's a nice guy. Are you a serious regular on this? No one would ever threaten to push a cheap replica. How much you think that thing cost? Look, man. That's your only solace. When you're face down in the ER with the fucking business end of an award

sticking out of your... This would really hurt. Yeah, it would, especially if I got it down to the root there. That's about as thick as it gets down to the root there. I mean, it's kind of thick. I know, man. This is, you're threatening me with something pretty aggressive. I'm saying it is.

And I would fight you off. But here's the thing. Okay, if I come back here next time and it's not prominently featured, I'll get another one. Can I be honest with you? What? And I'm not kidding. At 51 and I'm 51. Yeah, that's right.

You just turned 50? I could round house you in the side of your head and knock you the fuck out. No. You would break your ankle. No. On my head. Even if I was turning around like this, like boo, and you hit me here, and you would break your ankle.

I've been practicing my roundhouse. And it would change the way you walked for the rest of time. No. My roundhouse is stupid now lately. Yeah, yeah, I get my shoulders into it. A lot of people think it's in the leg. I bring my shoulders around and then my hips and my foot is basically just there. Well, the legs follow.

So think of a rubber band with a stone at the end of it. Yeah, yeah, that's right. It's a rubber band. My legs are rubber band and I got a stone for a foot. And it's going to go, and it doesn't clang off your head. it goes right through. Oh, really? You're like Mike Tyson, you, you aim to the other side of the person's head?

Well, yeah, I finish. I finish. I cut through. Yeah. Well, you know, you talk a lot of shit and you talk a lot of game. Yeah. When you come at me and I fucking beg you, I beg you to try. I beg you.

I want to be holding that award in the other, in one hand. And I'll just be sizing you up with one hand. I've got the award in the other hand. And you'll be, you'll be pretty timid to go swinging your legs this way and that, exposing that sweet, sweet balloon knotty. years because I'll get this right through your fucking jeans. You've already said that, man. How much stitching you got in your jeans?

I don't know. Just going to rip up your fucking shithole. By the way, my taekwondo teacher who was a Korean guy who who was boxed and did judo, black belt and a real fighter. And this bodybuilder came into our studio. And he looked at him and I said, how do you fight a guy like that? And he said, that's so good. Trampoline.

Very good trampoline. And I said, what he means? Tramoline? That's how I'm there's a trampoline. It's very nice. Our good muscles. I'm jumping, bong, bong, bong. And he said, in other words, I'll knock him out and just jump on him like a trampoline until he fucking dies.

What, that was my career? What martial arts discipline is that? Well, he was, you know, technically taekwondo, but he knew what a-trapoline dough, more like it. Never thought of that. Yeah. Get your, I like wordplay. I like to fuck around. I want to ask you a question.

Well, I want to get serious. Let's do it. I heard a, there was this, all this new report about how you don't have to have a concussion to have CTE. That's weird. And so now this doctor who did, the main doctor was featured in concussion said, I don't think any, there should be any contact sports for any kids until they're 18 years old. Now, here's my question.

You played contact sports. You are, and I'm not saying this to be a dick, but you're a fucking idiot, right? No, I'm not saying, but if you ask, if you do a consensus, he's a, good guy. He's a good guy, talented guy, but he's a fucking idiot. I'm just going to hold that rage inside right now. Who knows how much of that? Let you finish your point. Who knows how much of your bullshit? Your daily bullshit is a result of head injury. We don't know. We can't measure it, right? What kind of daily bullshit are we referring to here? Just you walk around like,

I want to eat this and now I'm going to push that guy and then I'm going to go, baby, you know, you know what I mean? And that's, I'm trying to fall. I'm not trying to be a dick, but, but you would admit that you're a fucking idiot for the most part. I would not admit that I'm a fucking idiot. For the most part in most of your life, right? You're getting me a little bit of heated up. I do lottery on the audience network. Who fucking cares? That's what I mean, right? Well, that's, that's, that's, like I don't give a shit. That's an abrasive thing to say. But most of what you do, nobody cares, right? Well, you know, I'll be the first to admit that. I got my fucking, you could put your bag over there, but I'm going to bring it really close to my knee and

crowd myself in and drink 17 fucking gallons of all kinds of liquid. I wanted to give you your gift. Yeah. But you're a fucking idiot. No, I'm not a fucking idiot, but go on. As a guy who played contact sports, do you think we should ban contact sports? First of all... Learn about this stuff? First of all, I'd like to take ownership of some of the things that you've said. Yeah.

And I know that when it comes to my career and what I've helped create and what I've been fortunate enough to be a part of... I take it easy. Don't get emotional. No, I'd say 97 and 98% of that has been total dog shit. Now... Okay. All right. So I understand when you say like,

Okay, I didn't need it. Well, okay. I didn't mean to open. Oh, well, look, I just took, I just, uh, don't be that hard on yourself. Not 98% of it. You've done some good work. I flicked the barbs off of your insult. Now I'd like to continue.

Loudermilk is a quality fucking show. Okay. Okay. And if you speak ill of it one more time, I'm going to put that. Don't say the award again with my balloon knot. I don't. It already hurts just the thought. And I don't.

That's because of the seams. That's because of the seams. Look how wide that gentleman is holding his elbow. His elbows out. You start a physical fight on air if you keep talking this one. But I think we could all agree if I turn that upside down. Grie. If I turn that upside down, it would hurt a whole lot more.

Okay, man. When I inserted into. Don't do that. I think that I went and saw, did you see concussion two, three years ago, whenever? Saw it. I lived it. I have a black button type one. No.

Keep gone. And I wrestled. Anyway. So, yeah, I played some contact sports. Yeah. I was, you know, I was mostly a dish in it. rather than receiving it. You know, an object in motion tends to stay in motion.

And when that object is a high school phenom. Don't say phenom. You were an angry boy with a lot with a weight problem. 310 pounds of solid brick. It wasn't all brick, was it though? But wasn't all brick? No clue. No clue how to eat what's a protein, what's a Republican, no idea.

Just ate it all. I just ate it all. I got it down there and I did some bench press. I did some deep, deep, deep, uh, you were moving some weight when you're in high school? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I did some powerlifting and stuff like that. Would you bench in high school? Oh, you want to know what my bench was? Be honest.

Max? Yeah, Max. Yeah, Max. We're talking Max? We're talking like, because like, I usually like to throw eight up and I go, like, that's where I'm at. You throw what up? Eight, eight reps. Yeah.

All right, well, that's fine. I usually sometimes when we're like, you know, we're doing, I mean, it's high school, you know what I mean? But we were all powerlifting and doing like the city competitions and powerlifting. Yeah, yeah, city competitions. Me and some of my buddies. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

So, you know, I wanted people to come out of the room going, you wouldn't fucking believe what Saso is pushing up. And just like running through the halls going, get in here and look at, come back, you know. Yeah. Bench? Yeah, Bench? Max. And don't be just now, you don't have to search for it because you know.

I got a little tendonitis in my right shoulder now. So I'm not sure if I could do this to this day. Well, I'm asking what you did in high school. And you know the number. So I don't appreciate the pause because you. you're looking around. 640 pounds. That's not true, Will.

No, don't shrug your shoulders now. No, you can't just go, no. Hey, that'd be a record. For your listeners who can't see me doing this right now, the, you know, the audio equivalent is this. Well, see, I know. Yeah, I know. And because you did just 642.

Tell me I didn't bench press 640 pounds eight times. Eight times. Hey, Will, you won 100. 100% and definitely, very obviously, without a question, didn't bench 640 pounds when you're in high school or ever eight times. Okay, see. See? See what I mean? Yeah.

So what did you bench? I know. I didn't bench 640 pounds eight times. Yeah. Or I rather, that wasn't my max because I benched it eight times. My max max was 885 pounds. See, that would be a world record basically. and look it up in the Canadian annex of sporting feats.

Go to go to the Canadian annex of sporting feats.com. Dot ca.com. Canadian annex of sporting feats. Yep. Well, yeah, if you just put that. Yeah, let's see it. Let's see what it comes up. I'll do it. Fifteen biggest moments in Canadian sports history.

Are you up in that? I'm sure I'm number one. Read off just number one. Let's go ahead. I've not seen this article yet, but number one. Yep. All right, here we go. Fifteen biggest things.

The urge to make lists. runs deep. All right. Go ahead. This is going to be a pound. Vince Carter wins a slam dunk contest. Wow.

Who gives a fuck? Well, I do. A fuck. All right. That's a sporting feat. What happened on the All-Star weekend?

Shirla, the curler captures Olympic gold. Look, what? Hey, I'm from Canada and this is a piss, poor fucking list. All right. Just get to number one.

All right. Maryland Bell swims Lake Ontario. Okay. Who cares? George Chivalo goes the distance with Ali. Oh, didn't win. All right, but he went to fucking die, bro.

He went the distance. So Canadian to just, to just survive. Take second. Yeah. Not second. He fucking, he was in there like a bag of meat. Canadian woman takes 1928 Olympics by storm. That was only 155 years ago.

Gretzky to Lemieux. Yeah, blah, blah. Everything Gretzky ever did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Mike Weir wins the master. Don't know what any of that means. Keep going.

Barbara and Scott takes skates to gold. That's a big who gives a shit. Wayne Gretzky again. He gets traded to L.A. Yeah. Leaving Canada was a big moment in Canadian sports. Terry Fox runs across Canada. That's the only good one.

That one should be number one if it's not me. Ben Johnson wins for a moment, 100 meter gold. A guy with shoulders like ripe Halloween pumpkins filled with gas on roids. Yes. Won something for a few minutes. And that's... Sydney Crosby scores the golden cup. goal, whatever, lots of those have happened.

The Blue Jays went back-to-back World Series. Wow. Oh, wow. All-Americans. Number two, Donovan Bailey sprints to Golden Atlanta. That was a big deal. Yeah, that was pretty good. And number one. All your Olympic athletes are black. Oh, number one.

Paul Henderson scores for Canada. Great. In 1993, Will Saso. I don't see that. Edge 640 panels. I don't, where is that? Where are you reading that? I'm looking at the website here.

Oh, my God. Paul Henderson. Will Sassel is just a stage name. Paul Henderson was my name in high school. I'm not Italian or any of that shit. Will Saso. I just thought, O'i, La Saso.

That's not true. You know what I wanted to do when I moved to Hollywood? What? I wanted to get this part. You can't park here? You know, like the guy in the movie when it's like the hero comes and he pulls it to the side

and he's chasing a girl. And the guy comes out in like a chef's hat and he's got dough on his hands. He goes, What do you can park here? I want to show you. Like in a New York thing. I want to show you that.

And then he goes, keep it. And he tosses me the keys to a hot. car like a miata with a can of stop? Because I want to show you, because here Chris decided to have an act off with me and I'll just play it for you. I'm not here to ruin your life. He's tell you what to do.

I'll fuck up what's going on in your situation and what we're in a towel. He's in a towel and he's doing it to me telling me this is real acting and he said fuck you. No, he's close. He gets into the camera's face. What is this from?

What is you found out? I love this sort of. of Jason Statham unrequited gay love thing and that's pretty good. That's what he wanted to show me about his acting. That's really good acting though.

It's good acting. I feel like you, if you were to play a character, what would your character be? Would it be English as well? If I were to do an acting, like a... How would you respond to what he just said to you?

How did you? Did you do a British thing? No, I didn't. What you're doing it? I wanted to. I didn't. I would talk like this. I'd be like, you know, like a well-hard mate

from like Manchester. or like East London, like this. Okay, so I'm going to be an American tourist. Okay. Who somehow has been picked up in a van and brought to you. Yeah. Because I owe a debt. Okay.

And I'm going to try to get out of the debt. Now, I'm going to just, you probably, because you want me to talk, maybe you have my feet in ice water. Okay. And they keep applying ice to the water. Right. And, you know, you can't prove anything, but I'm just, my feet are obviously in tremendous pain. What's your character's name?

My character's name is Connor Bailey. Connor Bailey. Yeah. And I'm just here to enjoy London with my family. You, um, did you get over to see Big Ben, yeah? I've not. Listen, I don't know what this is about. I just got off a plane and I got pushed into a van.

If there's something I've done to offend. Back in the Viking times, yeah. They used to have a tradition. Yeah. with those who snitched. Although they didn't call it that. Yeah, I never snitched on anyone. They would take off his leggings, his boots.

Made from the skull and head skin of caribou. What are you doing? Excuse me. Put them in the ice. Oh, what are you doing? And if the Viking didn't talk. Why are you putting my feet in ice? The scene is a boring scene.

Okay, but it was pretty good. No, it wasn't really good. because I need a real acting partner, like Ron Livingston on Louderman. I'm a good actor. Check it out on Amazon. And hey, while you're at Amazon, think about Brian Callan's special. Get 16 boxes of Colgate extra whitening toothpaste. That's not the same.

Or pick up a special. Is it on DVD? It's streaming. Oh, it's streaming. On Amazon Prime. Yeah. Well, that's great. It's called Never Grow Up.

Yeah, that's good. Thanks, buddy. What's the next frontier in comedy? Brian Callan, and he's going to do a showcase. What do you want to do next in comedy? doing a showcase? Well, I got a showcase for the powers that be at the improv on the 28th of February. Why? You know, you got to show them what you're, what you're working with, what you're capable of. And when I blow them away, when I blow them away, you know that I'm not familiar with

the world of, yes, I still have to stand up. Yes. So wait, you have to like go and do your shit just in a room, but there's people there, right? There's going to be an audience there, right? Yeah. Well, that's fine. I mean, the problem is that a lot of, Like, they don't know me as a comic. It's not just you in a room like, hi, my name is Brian Callan. What do you mean they don't know you as a comic? They don't. And I'll take something else.

No, no, the Netflix's and things like that. Oh, yeah. What's interesting is that there's also a, as you know, there's also a, there's a cool kids club. There's lots of stuff that you have to get through. And there's very few people are making that decision. Sometimes it's one person. And they have a very strong point of view on what they like is comedy. That's right.

And usually they're, uh, Their significant other and or children at home are helping them make those decisions. That's very true. And none of them know who you are. All right. Go on. You don't know. But it's true.

Like you have to. You don't know. It's interesting how I knew a really successful and very famous director who wrote a script and said to me, I said, how's it going on? And she said to me, I don't know. I can't get anybody to read it. And I went, but you're famous. I mean, you're well.

And she goes, yeah. And nobody reads it. Yeah. In fact, what they do is they read. they skim it on a plane and call you with general notes. And you're like, but you haven't read my script. Well,

you know what? I think that a lot of this is sort of, in a business that's completely, you know, it's just completely fabricated. It's human made and human designed. And it's, you know,

this city is not here based on any sort of natural resource or a porch or anything like that. Yeah, that's true. Charlie Chaplin showed up and it's just this whatever. It's just pretty, yeah, it's totally perception.

It's totally. And also it's based on mood. And I kind of feel like sometimes, I'll read something, you know, as an actor, you'll read something, and you'll be like, whether you're going to go in an audition or something they're interested in you for, and you go like, oh, I don't know, I don't know if I like it. That's just kind of sometimes can be, and I'm not saying, you know, sometimes it's really just the mood you're in. Yeah. You're kind of like, I don't know, what the fuck? Because you're questioning all the other whimsical, uh, weird things that are

spinning up in the sky. But on the other side of it, let me fucking finish. It's a really, you got to learn to let people finish. I'm sorry, man. So don't be like, I got a story. I didn't do it that way. While someone's in the middle of what they're saying. I didn't do it that way.

I was going to piggyback. No, I didn't say it that way. Yeah, you didn't hook go to a story for you. I was going to fucking piggyback on what you were saying. Anyway, the other side of it is, you know, sometimes people get really excited about what they,

what they have in front of them. Normally they don't. Oh, oh, oh. And by the way, no one wants to work. And they just want to, you know, sort of pay for their expensive cars and their inflated mortgages. Yeah. And everyone fucks off a little bit before Thanksgiving.

It doesn't show up until about now, the middle of January. And then things start cooking again because people do need to, you know, buy things and take their families on vacation and shit. So I guess what I'm trying to say in a pragmatic way is find out what someone's, what someone's, you know, spending is at, what their budget looks like. And when people need to sell shit and then get them on a plane with a fucking script. Otherwise, your friend has no fucking shot. and none of us do, and it's a miracle anything gets made. But, but unlike Radiohead, we should all be grateful and thankful to be in this bizarre, swirling tempest of nothingness.

Did I ever tell you? Because you are a grown man with a lovely, just a beautiful life, really you have. A beautiful wife and family. Yeah. A beautiful home. Wonderful people who enjoy what you do like here at, at, the fighter and the kid. And so many things that you're doing, like not just the Goldbergs, but now schools out, what are they

called? Schooled. We'll see what happens with that. Schools. Schools. Schools. School. School.

School. No smoking in the boys room. What is it? It's called school. School. All right. Just say it right. Old school.

School. School. School. School days. Oh, fuck, man. School times. Man, you're a, do you being a dick. Anyway.

So, and you got stuff like that. And you dropped out of high school and never went to call it. I did not drop out of high school. I graduated from college. That's a vicious rumor. So what were you saying before? Well, one time, speaking of things that don't work, right along, we're about to do this big scene, Kevin Hart, Lawrence Fishburn, a bunch of other people, a huge movie, and it's a fight scene, and it's a huge day. Stunt people are over here.

The room couldn't be more full of people. And, you know, it's one of those days on a movie like that. It's probably a million-dollar day. And we walk in, and Lawrence Fishburn, who's driving the whole scene. It's me, John Liguzaamo, Kevin Hart. Fishburn, and Fishburn looks at the script as we're reading it and he looks up

and he goes, you know, this doesn't work, right? And Tim's story, he's a great guy, goes, it doesn't work. And he goes,

and Fishburn goes, no, but we're going to fix it. Nice. Just like that. And fix it they did. Fix it they did. And everybody kind of went, whoa,

this is, like everybody kind of froze like, wait a minute, if he doesn't think it's going to work, this is a million dollar day. We're going to fix it. And everybody went. But that's,

but that's, But that is a real actor. That's a real actor. And sometimes, I don't know about you, but sometimes I don't, hey, everybody listening, you can kind of fuck off for 10 minutes because now we're going to talk like actors, right? Yeah. I'm just joking. Yeah.

And more kick and punch and shove that award up your house. Go take a poo. Yeah. Go make a poo poo. And you guys got to take a poo break. Go ahead. Go ahead. Go make a poo.

Guys got to make poos? But, you know, a lot of actors, a lot of actors just kind of hang in the cut and kind of do whatever the fuck they're told, which is fine. Yeah. you know, when you're doing the kind of shit you do. But sometimes actors like a guy who is shouldering the project, he literally has to do that. And you know, you'll, you see these guys do shit like that. And you're kind of like, whoa, like for the first half second, it's like, is he being a dick?

No, he's a pro among pros who not only knows that it doesn't work and knows exactly why and has done his homework, but also knows how to fix it. Pooh break over. That's how it happens, though, as you get older. Like what I'm noticing at 51 is I'll read something. or I'll hear something that doesn't feel right. And I used to go, well, they're a journalist or they're an academic. And so they're an expert on the field and they have this thought and who might have

disagree with it. And now I go, wait a minute. First of all, the person's younger. Second of all, just because you have a degree or you're a quote-unquote journalist doesn't mean a fucking thing. No. Not a fucking thing. You just have a point of view based on a whole bunch of opinions and attitudes.

Yeah. And sometimes I feel it's my duty as I guess. older even though I look 35 and we know that and I hear that all the time. You look 35 and you move like you're 35. You move like you 35. That's important because because and you don't know what that's about, but my body does whatever I tell it to do. You look like a weathered 35 year old.

Would you put up the picture of the singer of the Pogs? Ian McKellon? I know. Is it Ian McKellon? Yeah, it is. And I'm a fan. Oh, Shane McGowan, whatever sounded. So these pictures are all of, these are all pictures.

of Shane McGowan. Yeah, he's a heroin addict. Roughly 35 years of age. Yeah, he had some problems with tea. So you look like, yeah, he's got a few, there he is. So he, you know, he mixes him up. He has a shandy with breakfast. He's got some issues with when it comes to, he's had some big.

Well, he's been drinking. Yeah, and heroin. McGowan. He's a fan of heroin. He's a Scott, he's got no fucking teeth. Yeah, but he's 30, he's probably 27 years old there. So I could see how you could get. I saw him live in a, I think it was CBGBs in New York City.

And he came out so fucked up, but God damn, I love his music. Yeah, yeah. He's a real fucking poet. Yeah. Look at those teeth. Shane. Shane. It was a bad teeth.

It was a real bad teeth. So anyway, year 35 looking. And you know why his teeth get falling out? He would just fall flat on his face after getting a complete. What are talking about? His teeth are rotten because he's drinking. All right, man. All he's doing is drinking.

He would fall flat on his face. He had these perfect pearly whites and then he fell on the Poblestone Street. I don't lie. And he's not. It doesn't. It doesn't totally on. He's got it sort of a... That's some beautiful songs.

Put on, um, put on... Rainy Night and Soho. That's a great song, but there's another song. Just put up, bring up the Pogs. Let me see something. The Pogs. Oh, fairy tale in New York. Oh, that's a good, great Christmas song.

That's a great song. Fairy till in New York, everybody. If I should fall from the grace of God. Another poo break. That's a great song. This is one of the great songs ever. 13 minutes long. It was Christmas

it's Matt Dillon. In the drunk time. I always said to me I'll say another one and I always sang a song A river mountain I turn my face away Dude, we both know it.

Look at his face. Two, it takes one. Oh, look at him. He's so great, though. Watch it. So happy Christmas. Let's it, ready, we let him. Love you, baby. I love you, baby.

What do you think of that music? It's about to get Christmas here. Oh, my God, I know. Hey. Anyway, listen to the Pogues, because they're also punk rockish too. Oh, yeah. Dude, the Pogs are the shit. The Pogues are, they've also got songs like about it's the fall from the grace of God.

No, Angel Can't receive me. He goes through this whole. They're punk. They're also really punky. Did I say Ian McKellen? Yeah. you did. And I was like, yeah, fucking actor? Shane and McGowan? Yeah, you did. And I was like, I'm just

like, I don't let it slide because it doesn't matter. I don't really know what the fuck's up. Yeah, 47 million views, by the way. How about that? That's how big the Pogs used to be. Yep. Yeah. And he had some problems. He died of alcohol-related issues. Did he die? At the age of 36. I didn't

know that. No, I don't know. Oh, he's still alive. I think he's still alive. Yeah, yeah, no. You got new teeth, actually. Yeah. It looks all right. He might be clean. What else is going on? with you. Nothing. You're going to go do stand-up? No, but I mean it. What's the next, what's the next, what's the next frontier in live comedy? Honestly, for me, just, I just want to keep actually selling tickets and I want to, and I want to actually just keep writing, I want to get closer to

writing exactly how I feel about the world instead of just trying to be funny. Oh, that's good. Yeah. That'd be good. Like trying to say something without being a dick about it. You know, because you get to a point where being silly becomes kind of easy, right? Or just not even, you know, making people laugh is one thing. That's a bag of tricks. But then like kind of marrying that to stuff that you actually really give a shit about. One of the things about having kids is that you can't avoid being philosophically and politically committed because the world's a shithole.

Or sometimes you start watching the wrong ideas take hold and you get very worried. I worry about that shit. I worry a lot about where we're getting a lot. our news and how people can make their living off of whatever it might be with you know everybody now is a journalist if you have a blog if you've got an online publication yeah you can say shit and you know and now with algorithms you know facebook and google we talked about this last time facebook google apple and and who is the other company and amazon are the four horsemen of the apocalypse. They basically are where they're controlling all of your news. And they have algorithms that

can push the news you think, they think you want to hear. And that's dangerous when you're just, confirm your goddamn points of view and your opinion. You're living your own echo chamber. An algorithm will create your own fucking, yeah, it'll create your own algorithm. That's very dangerous. No, that is very dangerous. But also the other side of it is nobody knows. I mean, you know, traditional media sources are just getting picked off left and right by people on both sides of the aisle saying, well, that's kind of bullshit and this is kind of bullshit. Right. Because the culture has been, you know, well, you know, I mean, what's his face said fake news, right?

Yeah. And then, but then you sort of, I have a hard time watching some of them. Like, yeah, I don't know. I mean, you watch like, I mean, I don't want to shit on like one versus another or whatever, but, you know, you'll watch like CNN. You're just like, what? CNN is petty. I'm sorry with CNN.

I can't take it seriously because they actually. CNN actually gets in tit for tat fights with the president. You've got you've got journalists that aren't even journalists. They're more interested in being celebrities and getting their point of view out. But also you have to remember it's like it's such a TV show. It is a TV show.

That's all the matter of ratings are more important than on Monday. On Monday, I thought that the presidential address was on Monday instead of Tuesday or something. I saw it online. So I turned on YouTube and there was this and the first, the only thing that had it like running, streaming was, was they just, there was a stream from Fox News. I was like, okay, the address will be on here. And then you're watching Fox News and, and it's like, hey, we've got our coverage.

The day before the address coverage of the address, you know, I mean, I don't want to, I'm not quoting, that's not exactly what they called it, but they were talking. They need to fill, right. But all the stuff said, all the banners were like presidential address, blah, blah. And I had a hard time go. It was like walking into a casino and trying to figure out what the time is. There's no clocks. Right.

Right. So you're kind of going like, what the fuck am I even listening to here? What the guy, what the fuck are these guys yamering on or on about? And this is an eight hour block because they have to fill TV time. That's right. And we forget, I mean, we, you know, people in the business, um, of television can tell you, oh, well, you know, whatever the fuck the ratings are, it sells. I was watching, I was watching, um, I was in Canada yesterday.

I flew, flew here, you know, just now. So I was watching the address last night with my parents at my parents' house. And then afterwards on CTV news, you know, they talked about it for a little while. And then they went on to other shit. You know what I mean? Which in Canada is a lot about like there's like a couple murders and stuff. Like that that's all the, you know, because like I think in Canada probably one or two, maybe two people die every six months, period.

Yeah. And that includes natural death. No one's dying in Canada. No one dies. And people really think about it before they, you know, pair up and have a kid. That sort of. So it's really, that's why there's only, you know. 17 people.

Yeah, there's something like, yeah, 17, 18 people. Yeah. So, but you're watching the news in Canada and it's like, oh, they sure are moving on to something different. Well, because they're just almost about out of time. And then they're going to run a little, you know, a rerun, a littlest hobo. That's a little inside humor for Canadians. Littleest hobo. Littleest hobo, everybody.

Hey, okay. It's a show about a dog. So anyway, you know, they move on to other shit. And, you know, you contrast that to the American news channel, whether it's Fox News or CNN or MSNBC or whatever. And it's like, you have to remind yourself, these are TV shows. Also, we have forgotten sort of what, you know, there's no Walter Cronkite anymore, who's just a newsman. Right. Nobody wants to agree on what your, what your, your, so if you have a point of view, they go, what are your sources? And nobody even agrees that your sources.

You used to be right at a source and we all trusted in that source. Now it's like, yeah, but you're getting your news from. And so there's no, no national never. And no one's safe from it. They're saying like, oh, now like the Washington Post. They'll chop the legs out for Monday if you say, well, I got this from the Washington Post. Who the fuck are they? Here's the other worry is that you can create, yes.

You can create a news, you can create a news feed, right? So you can say anything you want. Donald Trump has a fair with this porn actress. Okay. And, okay, so that's news. What people don't realize is that the journalist that comes up with that story, that's clickbait. And you can sell that to 150 other news places. So it becomes where news and even gossip or whatever it might be that people actually, you know,

that eye candy, people like to see people fall. Sure. That is valuable. That makes money for the news organization because you can sell it 15 times over or 100 times over. Yeah. And that's what I worry about, where there's. real profit in and if somebody, if any of you guys are listening

and know stuff about that, send me stuff on that. I want to read about it because I've not done enough investigation on it. You sounded, you know, I'm not going to say you're not an intelligent guy. I know you're very well read. But you sounded like a stupid idiot just then. You just finished this whole thing with your opinion. You worded it perfectly. Everything was fine.

And I was like, you know what? Brian might not be a total fucking idiot. And then you go, and by the way, if anyone listening has any of that stuff, send it. That's not what I meant. I just meant there are interesting articles and I like to read your articles. We are in the age of... And are awesome listeners who hate you for the most part.

But you're filler right now. That's not... They send me some good stuff to read and it opens my eyes and I enjoy it. I want to say two things. Number one, we're doing exactly what Brendan asked me to make sure that you do not do. What's that? We're talking about politics. All right, man.

Number two, I want to say that 10-minute podcast is still going strong. All right. Not really. No. Why not? We're giving it away. Are you? What do you mean you're giving it away?

Myself, Chad Colchin, and Tommy Blotcha are giving away the podcast. Coming up on six years of the podcast has been around. Of course, you and Chris Delia were pioneers. Pioneers. Prynolds. Trailblazers. Never be the same without us. Dudes with a podcast.

Yeah. And, uh, and, uh, built it. And that, you can't build, can't build a bunch of sound. We built that shed. We built that yurt. Yeah, that, yeah, we did build that. Built a yurt. Anyway, you know, I was going to say, you know, usually when I come on here, I say,

hey, come on over 10-minute podcast, check it out, get it on iTunes and stuff. I'm going to say to your listening audience now, only go over to 10-minute podcast if you're curious what happens after 10-minute podcast. Really? Yeah. Well, I think I've mentioned here what we call the diamonding, which is we're just coring down the audience, just crushing it like a piece of coal down to one listener. Well, the intention, honestly, was to get the thing so inside.

This is Tommy Blotch's idea. and then Chad coined it the diamonding to pair the audience down to one listener who gets every reference because it's just completely cross-referenced not only with like stuff you know perhaps from the past from my point of view

but then like arcane wrestling references and weird shit that Chad says and then ways that we sort of play on that and just it makes no sense anymore it makes no sense anymore we're losing thousands of listeners we're keeping we've lost all of our sponsors all of them are gone

And we've done this on purpose And we've now turned the diamonding into a somewhat of a contest You're drilling into the ground until you disappear And there's nothing left but some dust and flies And then we're giving it to some dude named Mark To build it back up So you're taking ash and saying build this Phoenix back up No we're giving him a hard fucking diamond

And we're saying upon this diamond Build ye a house And that's what Mark's going to do It's very strange though It seems like a very strange mission Well but also it's like who gives a shit It's a podcast It's not like

You know I mean you guys have turned this podcast into an industry. Yeah. That's one thing. Most podcasts are podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. So, who gives a shit, right?

Yeah. So, and we're like, well, we have any plans on starting? We're doing another thing. Yeah, we're doing a new thing. What would that be? Well, we don't, well, we're not. Is it just about professional wrestling? No, no, no, we wanted to not be about that.

Okay. Well, I'll tell you what, don't call it professional wrestling bullshit. It's the highest, it's the highest art form in, uh, that's a very, that's a very controversial thing to say. Modern. All due respect. All due respect, I don't, I don't know if I can accept that. Well, I think it's award season right now.

And instead of, you know, all this, you know, all the show business, you know, patting themselves on the back and all that stuff during award season, I think the WWE Slammy Awards should air, you know. The Slammy Awards? Yeah, should be hosted by James Corden. You know what I mean? Yeah. And maybe have, you know, Bruno Mars come on and do, do a thing. And then with Jessica Chastain and Matt Damon can have a speech about some shit. think they watch that. Well, I think that they should host the Slammy Awards.

You know that I work with Goldberg. Yes. Who plays my brother on the Goldbergs. Yeah, yeah. You know, do you know him? Have you worked with him? I, uh, no, I have, I mean, I've, I've met him a couple times. I said, who's a very nice guy?

He goes, I got no fucking idea. Okay, well, you know what a weird thing to say out of nowhere? It kind of tells me. Yeah. Oh, that's a good Goldberg impersonation. I don't know. I don't really give a shit, you know what I mean? Hey, Colberg, well, come you're so big and muscular.

No, that's a dumb question. No wrestling family. Can you teach me at a lift? Whatever the fuck you said? Well, I don't need anyone's help. Do you want to be friends? He's got a... Who's your favorite wrestler for all the time?

Who gives a fuck? You told me that you bit somebody's chin off once. Yeah, I did. All right, well... In a street fight when I was growing up in Scotland. I don't... See, I don't believe that you grew up in Scotland... In the 1960s...

You have no accent when I was 20. Well, I got rid of the accent. I've been here for a while. How old would that make you, dude? Right now? You'd be 65. I'm 35. I'm 35 years old.

So... Not 35. Yeah, I'm 36. What were we talking about? Oh yeah, a 10-minute podcast. We're giving it away. So listen to it to see what's going on next. But it doesn't fucking matter.

Don't bother. It's fucking weird. Oh, it's super weird now. Yeah. Oh, man, it makes no fucking sense. It's great. I just turn on the, I start recording. They don't know that I'm recording.

Yeah. I got these two idiots talking about fucking toys the other day, like GI, old school G. G.I. Do you have any clips of it? Just boring as shit. No, I don't want to talk about any. All you want to do one of those clip bits?

No. Are you watching any, are you watching any football? You got a pick in this year's. I'm going to the game. You are? Me and Marshall Bit Killer Jones Jr. Cook. Really? Yeah.

How'd you guys get ticks? I got tickets through... I'm through the audience network. Yep. Through the audience network. Proudly airing Loudermilk. I don't know about that. Hey, come on by it.

It's on Amazon. When you think of Brian Callan, get yourself some filters for your air conditioning units in your home. No, go to... Never grow up. Never grow up on DVD and V.A. No, you can stream. And stream.

Not VHS. It doesn't come out on VHS asshole. Your thing comes out on Beta Max. Nope. You know, I bought a video on VHS not too long ago because I couldn't find it on TV. Really? What? Coup Deville, starring Daniel Stern.

Who else is in it? Alan Arkin. I'll do that sometimes. I'll go back and watch movies like Chariots of Fire or Young Frankenstein. If you have brothers, watch Coop DeVille. You don't have any brothers. You're disqualified. I have an older brother.

I can watch Coopteville. Yeah. So what I was going to say is, yeah, we're going through, we're going with audience network. They got a bunch of tickets. Okay. What else do they have on the audience network? What are they? They got that show.

Besides who gives a fucking. Besides Loudermilk? Yeah. I'd love to tell you, what you want to hear about the lineup? Yeah. They've got, it doesn't matter. They've got BMX Showdown. It's a show.

Bikes, where they showdown? Yeah, it's like a showdown. They face off with bikes and rev their engines, but they don't have engines? Yeah, and then there's... Like they do it with their mouths? Whom, mum, mum. Yeah, and then there's a show called uncles and aunts. That's a good show.

And they give birth to, unfortunately, children that... Yep, that's that show. Okay. And then they have a show called Career Lady gets married. Career Lady gets married, and then her career gets ruined and she gets hooked on volume. Well, that's season two. That's season two. Okay.

Well, that's kind of a leap. And then they got, oh, they got all sorts of shows. Quest for Burrito Island. Quest for Barreto Island. Oh, for Burrito Island. Yeah, it's a reality show. People go out there trying to make it. They eat a shitload of burritos.

And then somebody gets in a tube and they attach a sort of, it's a fart chamber. So then they, everybody's eating their burritos. Somebody's in the tube. Oh, you've seen the show. The whole group has a tube attached to their ass and they fart into the cylinder. And you have to breathe farts. Yep. That's a good show.

Richest dog alive. Richest dog alive. That's a good show. That's a fun show. Where the dog is rich. But for the first time they starve it. And then they put convicts in a cage with it. And the dog kills the convicts.

This is just about a rich. This is just about a rich dog. All right. Nah, those are all fake shows. Good. What else you want to talk about? Riches dog. Don't slurp like that.

And your stupid Tivana. Hey, Starbucks. Are you Tivana or are you Tijuana? or are you Tevana or are you fucking Starbucks? I think they're trying to show that they've got this cup company. I'll tell you what, that blonde espresso roast is damn good. I'm happy with it.

I haven't tried it. It's good. It's real espresso. I'm happy with it. Hey, I'm sorry if I'm a little bit low energy, you know? Oh, no. You just got low energy. What happened?

No, I had three hours of sleep. Two and a half hours of sleep. Where'd you come from? Canada. Well, just from Vancouver, but I was up last night working on a, fucking thing. Well, since Will is a big

wrestling fan, what did you think of Ronda Rousey and the Rumble? Showing up and... Yeah, showing up and just being in... Well, you know, she's probably going to have a program with Oscar because Oscar's undefeated. All right. Good.

I guess when someone comes in... Do you still watch wrestling? I have to like... I sort of have to like... No, I don't have... Well, I don't have cable anymore. Yeah. So I watch it on Hulu. They have the WW, you know, you can watch their shows on Hulu, and you can get through them kind of quick.

I kind of just want to know what they're doing. You know, there are some things in wrestling where I kind of like... Well, I can tell you what they're doing. They're fake wrestling, always. Okay, I mean, that's... You know what I mean? No, I know what you mean. And they're on the mic and they're yelling at each other.

So that's what they're doing. No, it is really weird. And another word for that is nothing. Well, Brian, would someone call the great works of Shakespeare nothing? Well, no, see. Would someone call... Like Ronna said, she looks forward to winning it all. And my friend said,

but it's a play. So how are you going to, it's an athletic play? So how do you win at all? Yeah. Although she looks adorable there. I think she does look really, really cute. I'll tell you this right now. You know, she'll probably win whatever the heck her first match is.

But then what they do, she got to give it back. You know what I mean? Really? Well, she's got to give back to the throne. No, I'm saying she's got to like give back the victory. Now you know a little thing about. And that's how people stay interested. They go, ooh.

You know a little something about money. Even though you ask me for money sometimes. I've never asked you for money, sir. Please. No. Please, you take that back. Well, you have a, you have not to spread rumors, but you have a drug problem. I do have a fucking heavy drug problem.

Yeah, so let me ask you this. That's why you're wearing dentures right now, but let me ask you this. Here, check this out. Oh, God. No, take your. Here's my Shane McAllen. Ah, God. My Ian McGowan.

Shane McGowan. Shane McGowan. Shane McGowan. Shane McGowan. What do you think she's, what kind of money you think she's making for this? How the fuck do I know? What the fuck would I know? How much they make?

I don't know a few hundred K or a million bucks. I don't fucking know a lot of money. Look at how many people are sitting there. Watch the way you. She's Rhonda Rousey. All right. She's got a t-shirt on like Hot Roddy, Rowdy, Routy Piper. She looks adorable.

But it says Hot Ronda. She's a cutie pie. I love her. She is a cutie pie. They're all cutie pies. And now you've never been to a wrestling event. No. No, I read.

And also I go to, I go to real sporting events. When you go and you sit up close, it's so, you see how the, how they can so easily get hurt, which I would follow up with if I were Brian Callan for nothing. And it's so easy for them to get hurt. And like the gal on the right in the last picture there, that's a little girl. That's a little. This girl's a little. Yeah.

A tiny thing. She's tiny. So I remember going like a thing and you see these, you know, women going all out because it's a big event. And you're just like, you're doing a lot of. Ooh. Yeah. And I did the same thing.

I remember when we went and when we watched, Brendan fight in Vancouver and I sat there at Cajside going ooh you know? Yeah, you know what? I'm talking to guys like that and they all say that the injury rate is crazy like it's

it is not easy. You got to be an athlete to be in the double. You also have to know you also have to have a dance partner who knows what they're doing or else someone's going to get hurt. People get hurt. Bottom line is Brian I want to speak to this as far as wrestling fans and wrestling fan and go be insulting now when you talk to me.

And Mixed Marshall Art. All right. You know, our dear pal, Brendan, in the middle of a... I trained as well. Literally,

shh, me didn't. Don't... I'm saying that I... Life and death. That's so condescending. Okay. I said I trained.

Hey, don't do that when I said. I'm just trying to finish what I'm saying. I know, but you can't... Let me just... Can I finish what I'm saying, please? But don't shish me. It's so obnoxious.

Okay, don't say anything else. If you say anything else, I'm not saying anything. All I said was in passing. I train as well. Hold on. Let me finish. Okay. Let me finish.

I'll let you finish as long as you don't go, because I can hear it even though. Don't talk. If you talk, I can talk to my podcast. Okay. All I said was I trained. You see?

Let me finish what I'm saying. All right, but don't go, all right. Okay, don't talk. Fine. I train. Be quiet right now. All right.

Let me finish. Okay. Here's the thing. You're talking. I'm trying to finish. All right. Now, I have the same.

You're talking. Talking still. You are not allowed. Don't. Listen. I have the same reaction, whether it's Ronda Rousey in a, you know, in a leather coat. Yeah. And a little Alexa Bliss over there.

Slamming each other around and doing their dance, right? Sure. As I do to Brendan in a life and death battle, you know, in a real fight. Right. Real fight in the cage, UFC. I mean, and to even to be that close to it, man, oh man, that's a different, puts a different paint job on things. Let me tell you. And it's the exact same reaction for me.

Why is that? Why? Because I had, shh, I told you to shut the fuck up. Because I have, I have what's called an imagination. Okay? Now, when you have an imagination. Yeah, I have an imagination too. You know, a lot of people watch mixed martial arts or combat sports like this, you know,

whether it's boxing, kickboxing. Um, karate, karate. Yeah, Karate. Kalendo. Um, you know what Kalindo is, right? Nope. Just when it's when a guy, it's when a 51 year old guy sits in the middle of a mat tries to get hard. I don't know about that, dude. Just, just tugging his pot. I've never done that, dude.

Really? I've never sat in the middle of a mat and tugged my put, especially a 51. That's Kalindo. You know what I would love to see you do? What? I would love to see you walk out in front of a small group of a small paying audience, you know, in Cambodia or something. Why? In a ring, you know, and they're making, you know, they got food running around. They got people serving food. And you know how they have like, yeah, they got bets going and there's just like, you know,

music playing. Might have been a dog fight before that. Might have been a dog. You know what I mean? Two animals, two different animals. Two roosters. Yeah. Maybe hyena.

Maybe three roosters versus one dog. And two wild dogs. Yeah. That would be good. Yeah. Anything, really. A ferret versus a jellyfish, some weird shit. Sure.

That stuff. Yeah. And then the main event. Brian, you come out in really short Muay shorts. Yeah. Right? And then you whip them off, put that award down, sit on it, get it up your ass, try to get hard in the middle of the fucking ring. Listen, asshole.

I don't know who the fuck you think I am. And I don't know who the fuck you think you are. I would love to see that. That's a mixed marshal. I'll never do that. I'm not that guy. I'd pay pay pay for that. I don't give a shit what you'd pay.

I would never do that. I would love to see. I'm not walking out in Cambodia after all. these animals have been fighting. Yeah. And I'm not walking out there at 51 and pulling down my super small, Mai Tai shorts. My Thai shorts. My tie or Muay Thai? Whatever. And then sitting down and then sitting on that, on this thing. This award that says, best woman. I'm not sitting on that asshole. Yeah. And getting your brown balloon knot all around that and sitting on it. You have really brought this podcast down until it is up into your large intestine. I'm not doing that.

I get you a bigger award. I'll get you. I'll tell you what. I'll get you an Eiffel Tower. No. You know, from next, I'm going to get you a bunch of, every time I'm in an airport, I'm going to get you something that we can put up your ass. Well, you try to get your flaccid fish dick hard in front of people eating, you know. Don't call it flashing eating pad Thai and king and what's the other thing, larb, chicken larb.

That's all Thai. You're being, you're assuming that I find it more offensive that you're assuming that Cambodian cuisine is the same as Thai cuisine. That's way more offensive than me. Okay, so name one Cambodian dish. What's your favorite? What's your favorite Cambodian dish? You're too ignorant to even know what it is.

I can tell you what it is because I've spent time in that part of the world. And I have great deal of respect for all different kinds of essentially cuisine. You know what mine is? What? Mung bean, black bean, and... You can stop right there because Mung bean belongs to Vietnam. Okay. And to the Hmong people.

No. Okay. I don't know about that. That was so easy. And you don't add an age. There's no black beans because that belongs to Mexico. So at the end of the day, you're conflating to and I find it very offensive. One of my favorite Cambodian dishes?

Yeah, go ahead. Cambodian BLT. What is that, though? What's in it? It's got... You're making it up. You're already pausing. It's got goat bacon.

No goat there. And there's no goat bacon. You can't make bacon out of goat. God damn it. River lettuce? There's zero. What kind of, wait a minute, river lettuce? River lettuce?

You mean the lily, the vegetation that sort of floats on the top of the river? There we go. It's spoken like a man who's been to Cambodia finally. Yeah, but I don't think you can eat those. That's giant lily pads. Yeah. And then, you know, just your basic hot house tomato on toast. Well, there's no tomatoes in the new world. So that doesn't belong to Cambodia.

So what do you mean tomatoes? Forest tomatoes? Like tomatoes. The little ones are grown on the ground? Some nice vine tomatoes. Same as you get. at Ralph's or Gelson's. Not in Cambodia? I don't think so. Oh, I guess I guess the last time I was in Cambodia in a restaurant eating a Cambodian BLT watching you get your puckered asshole down on a fucking

airport bot award in my life. You're dick hard. Nope. I must have just been hallucinated. Yeah, you sure fucking worse. Which brings me back to my point. I can watch, you know, some mixed martial arts happen. I can watch some wrestling or whatever you want to call it happen. And, And it's just, it's all an enchantment of the mind for me because I have what's called an imagination. It serves me well. So I am a fan of wrestling still. I like their colorful outfits and personalities. I like it when they say, I'm going to win.

No, I'm going to win. And then you watch it. And then Vince McMahon has decided who's going to win. And then you see that. So it's fixed. The outcomes... It's basically the way God kind of, has already decided your destiny and you can do everything you want and at the end of the day

you're still going to burn a lake of fire if you're will sassau right well you're a you're a you're a heathen you're a moron let's go to the next let's go to the next let's go to the next so i can get out of here so i can get out of here i'm going to get out of here i'm going to go back to the airport and fly you know you've made me so sick i'm going to fly back to canada watch canadian news coverage because you're canadian i'm also american not really don't take i don't care about your passport i don't i don't want to see it that's a forgery. Not going to look at it.

What's the next current event? A woman tried to bring an emotional support peacock. I thought this is a joke. In airlines. I thought this is a joke. So this is the actual peacock that she brought into the airport. That's fucking hilarious. It's amazing.

And she got denied, obviously. That's hilarious. And here's actually footage of it. Some video. I want to see this. This is great. Emotional support peacock. Only in America.

It just lands right on her shoulder. shoulder. Or her head down our shoulder. But you have to, you have to register. I don't know what the, what the process is. I don't know. A peacock's can mean. An emotional support animal. First of all, that thing's not wearing like the yellow jacket. She's, and that woman's a cuckoo bird. You think I got a 40-pound bird on my shoulder. What? What's the problem? Yeah. I saw a couple people walking through the airport today with a couple of really big dogs, like beautiful dogs. Yeah. very well behaved.

But they had that yellow little jacket on. Yeah. And what they're doing is they're now, they're now cracking down on it because you can get for $5. Wait, is this the woman? That's the woman.

Look at her fucking socks. She's an asshole. Sorry, I'm sorry. Look at her socks. She's an asshole. Oh, wait, I figured out this news story. She's a fucking asshole. That's all it is.

Don't be that. Look at me and my expensive bird. And check out these socks. What are, what else you got? Don't be this aggressive about her socks. I'm casual. And an asshole. You know, her socks

are difficult, but don't call her an asshole for that. That peacocks have knocked. What the fuck are you thinking? You're going to go through the thing. That's a good question. It's my emotional support. Support peacock. Yeah. I guess that peacock's her friend, though, huh?

Yeah. She's a Chase you. She's a stupid asshole that person. I think she's an asshole. She's got her phone and look at all the shit she has in her hands. She's barely, she's got problems. She's barely, she's got fucking problems. She looks like she's got bubble gum in the other hand. She looks like Will Sassa, the female Will Sasse was 16 things in his hand. Yep. She looks like a fucking peacock. 35 year old toothless Brian Callan. Just speaking of peacock and turning around pulling his Muay shorts down to expose the butt end of an airport bought award

and just some blood trickling down onto his balls because he fucking slid his asshole with the fucking seams of a cheap plastic award. That thing cost me $16 by the way. Get it up your ass. Get that, put it in your ass, man.

I'm not doing that. Whatever. If I come back here next time and that thing doesn't smell like shit, I will slap you raw on your fucking podcast, man. That thing better smell like the inside of your fucking food hole. You are a gas sleeper. I don't

give a fuck, man. Get that fucking award up your ass, Brian Callan. You're a ghastly man. I don't give a shit what your opinion is. You're fake news. You're fake news. Here's your fucking award. Push it up your shitter in one fell swoop.

As a matter of fact, you know what? Just put the head of it in your tight little balloon and then just jump up and sit on it. Okay, I mean, MJ, I'm sorry. I want to apologize to MJ. Sorry, MJ. Who's a young intern with her life ahead of her and she's being exposed to this fucking heathen ogre.

And I'm sorry. Look, you got candles around here. You got five candles. My friend Johnny, my friend Johnny was a really special guy and he said, don't give anybody too much power of you. And I said, why? And he said, because when people have all the power of you, they'll do terrible things to her. I said, that's probably true.

And he said, they'll reach in your ass and pull a shit out of it. What? And I went, what? And you ever have a friend who says bizarre shit? I go, he said some amazing things. I go, what? He goes, they'll just reach in your ass and pull a shit out of it. I go, there are other things that somebody has power of you would do.

I don't think they'd reach in your ass and pull a shit out. I don't think that's possible. That doesn't make sense. Come up with it. But then we were driving the time. And why does it? You remember Johnny? Remember Johnny?

Oh, yeah. Johnny from the neighborhood about 5862. Johnny, he goes, he guys were driving and I was like 40 and he was, you know, 48 and he goes, all seriousness, he looks at me and goes, we should start a band. Oh, no. And I go, that's a really good idea. And he goes, yep.

And I go, what would I play? He goes, I would imagine whatever, you know. I go, what would you do? And he goes, I would sing. I go, all right. and we just kept driving. And then I was lying on the bed, and he goes, what's going on? I go, my legs are so sore.

I worked out. And he reached down and began to rub my ankles. And I go, Jesus, that feels good. And he goes, I know, because I'm rubbing the connective tissue in your legs. And I go, God damn it. And he goes, I always wanted to write a novel about that. And I went, all right. So those are the things.

And the fourth thing he said was he said, I got to get out of L.A., and I said, why? and he said, because I get really tired of fixing things with my eyes. Nobody knows how to make anything beautiful around here. And he was a painter. And he was, he was on the spectrum, but one of the most beautiful people ever met. He sounds like he's on the spectrum. He was to say shit like that and I loved it. And I fucking loved it.

I miss him. Wait, please say that again. My eyes, what? I have to fix things with my eyes. I got to get out of L.A. I said, why? He goes, because my eyes hurt because I'm fixing things all the day, all day because nobody knows how to make.

anything beautiful. Yeah, he's on the spectrum for sure. I know, but he was right. Yeah, there's no flow here. No, there's no flow from one thing to another. Just a bunch of little islands, you know, uh, yeah, that's true. Little islands, little, little, little pud and plus. You can't put a price on making beautiful, beautiful things, right? You can't put a price on creating beauty. All, all bullshit aside. I think we take it for granted, but like architecture, like shit like that that took forever, like, you know, you see like a building that's beautiful versus a building that's built just for efficiency. Yeah.

It's like, oh, fuck, man. Or a building that's built real cheap. Yeah. Hey, how about that target on East Sunset Boulevard out in... Full of stuff you don't need. Well, no, no. I'm talking about the one that was not built to code. I'm kind of a nerd for this stuff.

Did you hear about this? No. Over by the Home Depot way on East, you know, in East Hollywood there. Oh, excuse me, everybody. I just drank three different, oh, drinks. It's coming back to haunt me now. Coffee, water, and a green drink. You know.

It's going inside of me going gorble, gorble, gorble, gorble. No, we know. Hey, Brian. Hey, I'm trying out for the Milwaukee Brewers. All right. Well, tell me about... You see what I mean? Brewing.

Okay, man. Tell me about the fucking target. No, they built a thing not to code and it's literally like two or three feet high higher than it should be. And they're like, stop. Oh, boy. And you dumb shits, you fucking now have stopped a multi-million dollar project here. The sad half-built shell of a target sticking out of the ground at Sunset Boulevard and Western Avenue is lost. yet another legal matchup.

Do we need a target there? I guess maybe people need the shop. Sure, they need a bunch of targets. But they just built it, you know, whatever it is. Google it if you feel the muse. But it's just, you know, a couple, a couple inches too high because it was built for, for reasons that are adverse to art, Brian. That are adverse to the flow. That an eye, trained artistic eye would understand or appreciate Brian.

It's deeper than that, sir. It's a deeper than that. For function. For function. When a city is built, when a city block is built around one function, it'll tend to be very uniform and soul killing. Yeah. You can't have that. You've got to have some artistic inspiration.

Yep. In the building. Like a statue of a man on one foot, arms outstretched. Yeah. In a lean forward, a sort of a yearning to move forward. Yeah. And it is a man. man.

Yeah. Let me ask you a question. And his name is Brian Callender. The award's sticking out of his ass. Nope. That'd be a good statue. I bet you pay people to throw you in a diaper and spank the shit out of you. Really discipline you.

Powder your shitter and then throw a diaper on you. Stick a bottle in your mouth. Yeah. And then beat you with a fucking belt. Close fist. Really? Bruise you up? No weapons.

No weapons. Yeah. I like a woman with a petite and delicate hand. Yeah. balled up with a roll of quarters in it. Uh-huh. Hit me in the fucking nose as hard as you can. Take it easy.

Break my fucking nose, Sweetie pie. That's what you say? That's what you say? I like to get a woman around. You go to break my fucking nose, sweetie pie. About one bill, maybe, you know, 110 pounds. Yeah.

Like a little, like a very, a petite woman. Yeah, petite woman. Five foot, five one. Used to be a gym. Yeah. Athletic, but, you know, very, very feminine, almost demure. And you'll throw a wad of cat. her hand to do what? No, I'll just ask her. Oh, you'll just ask her. That's kind of my

opener. You know, a lot of people say that now it's really hard to meet a significant other in public. Yeah. Right? Everyone's on all the apps, right? I call them apps. Yeah, Tinder, etc. Bumble, Tinder, e-harmony, sure. Are they apps? Yeah, they're apps. Yeah, they're apps. Yeah, they're apps. I say, no, go the other way, cut against the grain. That's what I do. And I go up and I just talk to women. You know, my opening, opening line is usually, hello. And then from there, I say, what do you say we blow this joint, go back to my place, I'll get into an adult-sized diaper with Velcro extensions on the end because I'm a little bit heavy right now. Yeah.

And I just want you to ball up your beautiful little fist. Okay. Don't worry, you're not going to break your nails because in your hand we're going to put a roll of quarters. Okay. Smash my fucking nose off of my face. Why? What else? Where else would you?

I tell you, nine times out of ten, they stick around for another drink. Where else should we hit? Would she hit you? Just my nose repeatedly. Okay. And when I'm unconscious, stomp on my balls. And if you can flip me over onto my stomach. No.

No. Put an word in my ass. No. All right. All right. Let's move on. Let's move on. This has been a very, very difficult podcast to listen to.

Now, let's go to the next one. Joe Kennedy explains drool during speech. Did you see his speech? Oh, the size of his mouth were. It was so, like, shuny wet. Drulie. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Democratic Congress I said it's a little bit light on a chapstick I'll show yeah you'll see you right here place to gather as our nation reflects on the state

of our union this is a difficult task look at the corners of his mouth many have spent the last year anxious angry afraid to wipe their mouths

feel the fractured fault lines across our country we hear the voices of Americans who are for gopia's amount of chapsed and feel forsaken what is going on well what was his explanation people thought he was drooling

he had too much chapstick on he had too much chapsic that's a response a makeup person will give you will all it was offer chapstick and if you're not that experienced you'll say sure and then you don't put it on the sides of your mouth though yeah that's that'll happen yeah that's where you might as well you might as well rub it on your eyebrows

but like you were alluding too earlier with regard to with regard to the news cycle Brian perception is everything yeah and now he's uh you know Trump's gonna come up with some side mouth drooly nickname for him and that'll be the end of that

little Marco Lion Ted stupid Jeb and Joe Kennedy Drewie Joe Drilly Joe Yep Trilly Joe

Shiny Joe Kennedy Joe Kennedy Jew Kennedy Jew Kennedy Joe Kennedy The third. The third. Drilly Joe Kennedy and negotiate with China.

He kind of grew up with China because of his drool. Is a drooly boy. He's a drooly boy. All right. Let's see the next fucking. I wanted to ask you about this, Brian. So there's a big game hunter who was legally shooting lines. He killed one line.

He tried to shoot another one. As soon as he was about to pull the trigger, he got shot. Someone killed him. they don't know who it is yet either that's amazing oh my goodness so he was off in Africa somewhere shooting what is that thing and something called

canned hunting have you heard of canned hunting which I thought was a trip no they have a so they have an area where they release a lion that's been bred in captivity yeah exactly pay money to kill it so they breed these lions they're trying to do this same thing with they're trying to breed rhinos now

so that you know captive rhinos and you can flood the market with horn so that these crime syndicates don't have this this need to kill, you know, wild rhinos and make a fortune. It's, you know, because the Chinese buy up this horn because it's an aphrodisiac. It's got medicinal qualities, all this bullshit. So long as you eat the rest of it. Well, they don't. They just leave it. You've never had a rhino steak? I've not, man. Really? Do you mean to tell me you've never

been to Cambodia for a rhino steak? I've not. That's crazy. That's amazing. So I would imagine he was shot by... By a high-powered rifle. It had to have been one of the dudes who worked in the park. Yeah, it might have been a poacher. It might have been just some guy. I don't know, man.

That's weird. That's mysterious. It could even be somebody who was trying to aim at a lion. Yeah, that's interesting. I got to say, it's probably one of those... Because those guys are, like, badass. Those guys, like, the actual African dudes who, like, take you into the bush. I know, because I've been several times.

Don't, it's not good for my Hollywood reputation. What do you kill? So don't tell anybody, but what do you kill? Only elephants. Oh, God, man. But are they at least mature older elephants that are going to die anyway? Oh, the old ones with the ears that are falling apart. Young, cute ones have rolled around in muck.

You kill the young, cute ones that roll around a muck? Why? In groups, all by hand. Oh, no. And I eat them all. You know when you're always like, hey, Will, where are you been? I haven't seen you in Muck. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I'm usually somewhere. You look robust and you look well fed? Yep, I'm in Kenya in a camp and it takes a long time to eat all the other. You think it takes a long time to eat one elephant. Yeah, yeah. Do you jerk the meat at least? Do I jerk the meat? Yeah, jerk it like as in, do you create elephant jerky?

Oh, elephant jerky. Yes, of course. Yeah, so you'll just go in there with just a high-powered, a semi-automatic. Do you shoot from the helicopter or what do you do? Nope, I get down on the floor. This is so awful. Yeah. And then I bring my Ron Po Peel food dehydrator.

Oh, no. Do you spare the babies and the moms at least? Nope. Oh, God, Will. What I like to do. You're really going to ruin your career with this. Have you ever seen a bow constrictor? Like, or not a bow constrictor, but like an anaconda, like eat something that it's not,

like, it can't quite get its mouth around. I guess, sure. You should see when I, like, get face to face with a baby elephant and I just start chewing on its shnauz. Oh, no. And it's buttery. Oh, God. It's not that hard. It looks tough.

You're admitting to be a poacher, well. You can take a bite out of an elephant's trunk. It's like a piece of Turkish delight. All right, dude. You're a poacher who eats his own meat, at least. At least you're a poacher who eats the meat. At least I eat it. I mean, at least you stay just at elephants.

You don't kill him in the house. I can't wait for my pictures of me all happy with, you know, a bunch of... Man, you're going to ruin your career. As long as you just eat, as long as you just kill... I guess I could deal with elephants, as long as it's nothing else. Like, you don't kill river dolphins, do you? You don't harpoon river dolphins. Oh, they're adorable.

You don't spend a fortune. All right, all right. No, I wouldn't, no. I get in the river with the elephant bones, and I fashion a net, a stop net. For what? For the river dolphins? I stop the dolphins. But they're so cute.

They're going down the Euphrates, you know? And that what are you doing? You know the dolphins on the graffiti. Then I make a Cambodian build. Bring up some river dolphins, please. There's no such thing as river dolphins. Yeah, they're in China. Yeah, they're in the Yangtze.

And they're so endangered, the poor things. They're so awesome. Oh, I didn't know that there was such a thing. Yeah, they're awesome. Oh, they're cute. Yeah, and they're so endangered. And that's why I feel so guilty when I harpooned them. Yeah.

I do, but I do it for their own good because I practice detachment. Yeah, they're amazing. They're pink water dolphins. Look at that. Isn't that incredible? Weird. Yeah, and they're in the, they live in, I think, The rivers of China the Yangtzee, that's incredible.

I had no idea. I know. There's such a thing as a dolphin in a river. Whoa. Yeah, I teach you a lot. It's a pink fucking dolphin. Super pink. A river dolphin, poor things.

Oh, don't kill the river dolphin. Save the river dolphin. All right. A pink dolphin, though, huh? How crazy is that? River, too. In the river. They're like an albino.

They're so amazing. They're really cute. I like them. Keep the rivers clean. They look tasty. They look like a beautiful. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You ever had Riverdolphus.

No, Will, they're not for eating. You can't just have your mouth drool over endangered species. Hey, you want to go over to... Why do you eat those? You've never eaten pandapause, have you? Where do you think we get the donut being from? Oh, shit! Oh, man, nothing better than a real panda paw.

All right, let's move on from poaching and see what else we have. Fuck, man, we've... Really? This is a very sweet story. A woman fell in love with a homeless man and ended up marrying and having kids with them. Well, I don't believe he was that homeless. She found him in a bush. He wasn't from Amsterdam, Holland.

That just means he was probably trying to get a job. So he actually was backpacking in Europe. And then before he knew it, he lost, he didn't have any more money. And he thought he would kind of work around it. And then becoming an alcoholic and then homeless and living in a bush. Yeah, within five days, he went on a bit of a fucking trip. And then he met this sweetly. A blonde.

Whatever. All right. That's him. He's fine. Homeless. He wasn't homeless. Yeah, he's fine. She looks.

First of all, hey, guy, plan better. He does. He should plan better. He's an asshole. And she looks happy. She looks happy. He looks like the kind of dick who would bring a pheasant into a or a peacock into a fucking.

He needs some. He's having an affair with a peacock girl, which they won't tell you. Stupid haircut. That's a dumb haircut, ain't it? That actually is a homeless guy's first haircut kind of haircut. Yeah. It's like. It's called a hobo do.

Yeah. That's where it's like you got some. A little special. Yeah. His hair is naturally straight. It's just been matted up and dreadlocks, street dreads for so long that it looks all curly. So they're like, hey, we'll give you some, you know, a little Justin Timberlake, 1999 action. He doesn't need shoes because he's been barefoot for so long, but he's got huge calluses.

Yeah. You ever heard Sarah Silverman? She was like, I wanted to give him, he had no shoes, but then have you ever seen a homeless person after a while, their feet just become their own moccasins? Oh, man. I was like, oh, no. Yeah. Everybody grew up in Trinidad and his feet were like that. Really?

Yeah, then he moved to Canada. Why was his feet like that? Because he was just barefoot running around Trinidad. Oh, yeah. You got some thick calluses. Yeah, you had thick, thick calluses. Your feet will adapt, bro. Yeah?

Yeah, your feet will fucking adapt. You'll build your own shoes. I go hiking barefoot. Doubt it. Don't? You got any more stories? Yeah. Super Troopers, too.

I just saw this. It's coming out in April? Yeah. I just work with Jay Shandr Sankar. on the Goverg's. Well, is in this. And Kevin Heffernan was in your show. Yes, he was.

Great God. They're all funny. Your shit, though. You guys want to watch the trailer? Yeah. Sure. Two, three, let's do it.

Waiting for a second chance. Waiting for their country to need them again. That time is meow. What do you guys give me if I kill that bird? Barber, that's a bald eagle. Get away, baldie. Guys, what do I win? One way ticket to hell.

No. It turns out the French Canadian town, St. George Dula-Raw is actually on American soil. You'll be phasing out a Canadian mounting unit. Best behavior, boy. Not our idea of a good time either, fellas. Personally, I'd rather fuck a moose. You wouldn't need a ladder to do that. Wow.

Let's give a big Canadian welcome to the Vermont Highway Patrol. Come on, guys. They've come up here to tell us how great it's going to be for all of us to become American. The Mountie in the back with the beard looks cool. Good actor. Look how stoic he is. This is happening. Does you know,

do neither of you speak English? We would like to eat your papers. Show me your party papers? This time everything I'll be by the book. Everything. What can I get for you guys? Whole beer, leader of cola. What did you say?

Do you want a liter of cola? Canada's pretty awesome. Boop-boop. Don't do that. Boop-Bee-bo-bo-bo-b. Should I shoot him? Who? Fava?

Jack, Greep, Poupon, Maki, desadterrecois, the miserable, fart-catcher, Luke, Robert, and D'Artagnan, Pirenton, Pernet, and tonpino dee, Oh de Toilette. Oh de du da-da-din. Looks funny. I'm in that movie.

You are? Yeah, motherfucker. You didn't see me? Nope, I didn't. I'm one of the Mounties. I'm one of the evil Mounties. Me, Hayes, MacArthur, and Tyler Labine, you fucking dick. What do you mean am I really in it?

Go back. Let me see. What do you mean am I really in it? What do you know what fucking lying about being in a fucking movie? I think you are because you're up. There I am right there, you, you asshole. Fuck you, Brian. Look at that asshole.

Fuck you. And you don't even have a line. What a loser. Oh, I'm sorry. I don't have a lot. a line in your fucking trailer. You're a loser, bro. I'm not a loser.

Who are you playing it? You fucking. I'm one of the evil... Besides a big fucking silent moron with no hair. Well, we got, uh, you know... Guess what? It didn't pan out for your career, did it? Brian?

What? I'm just saying, you're an asshole. Brian? You're sitting there. I'll go all the way up to Canada where I'm from anyway. No, well, we shot it in Massachusetts, first of all. Great, I'll go all the way to Massachusetts. Which is the same thing in Canada.

We had a great fucking time at the Weston. It's the same shit. I'll stay in the Weston. We had a... thumbs. We had a great fucking time. And we had a lot of late nights. And eat pizza like an asshole.

Yeah, clown around. And then I'd be in a movie with no line. With no fucking line. Not in the fucking trailer, Brian. Losing. You're a loser. Oh, there you are. Yeah, still fucking stoic.

I'll tell you another thing, Brian. You're doing great. I'll tell you what. You want to know who else can do that? A fucking candle. I'll tell you something right now. Right now, it is award season, Brian. Yeah.

And for my performance and Super Troopers 2, where I took some fucking chances. The cup of coffee goes to. Jay said, Janice Sankar said, said, Will, you took some fucking chances in that movie. Oh, yeah. And you fucking knocked it out of the fucking park. And now it's award season. And when I get my award with seams on either side of it, I'm going to dedicate it to you, Brian. And then I'm going to stick it up your ass.

Don't go. As I said, they can hit it out of the park. It's me hitting a home run. Because what you're doing there, I'm stoic as shit. And we had a bunch of fucking props thrown at us. And the boys, look at them. They're fucking actors. Yeah, they're acting.

You're doing shit. No, I'm fucking not worried about a hockey puck. I'm staring straight ahead. Great job in the trailer, asshole. My beard looks a little red. You look like an asshole. You are an asshole. Next story.

Nah, no, not the next story. I think that's it. That's all, yeah. Super Troopers 2. April 20th, 2018, everybody. Don't forget to check out Loudermil. Watch Kevin probably saves the universe. I also got the Burning Woman and the Grizzlies

coming out this year. The Burning Woman. Do more obscure. It's not obscure. What's Burning Woman and the Grizzlies? The Burning Woman. It's a movie. She's on fire? No, it's not on fire.

Oh, I know that. I read that script. Oh, did you? Yeah. Yeah, what you think. Nobody's going to see it. But here's the thing. Oh, what a dick. Oh, let's see Deadpool 2, official trailer. Oh, yeah. I love that movie. Yeah, me too. I've seen Deadpool three times.

It's one of the great movies. Yeah, it really is. It is. Let's watch this. He's so good. Hello there. Welcome back. I'm glad you could join. me today let's just drive right in and run all the colors across the room you need to paint

along with me this is so silly what the fuck wet and ready to go now let's grab our thirsty two-inch brush here whack it off for good just beat it like it owes you mind we're gonna get a little dab of our yellow snow here we're gonna mix that with just another little dab of our betty white now let's just dance in a happy little sky and remember This is your world. You get to make and break the rules here. Sweet baby, Jesus. Wish I could jump in there and roll around and all that cascading white powder. Yeah, just get high in all of life's splendor.

God, I love cocaine. So much. Holy fuck knuckles, I am. High as a kite right now. Okay, let's paint in a few little happy trees there. What's wrong with making friends? with trees. Now what you don't want to do is eat these paints. Trust me on this one. What even is this? I'm gonna whack off again. That's right. That feels good. This is a trailer

for the movie. That's one of the most genius. Watch some things I've ever seen. Oh my god is that genius. It seems like we have ourselves a finished painting. So from our family to yours. It's amazing. dry, your dreams went, and remember, hugs not drugs. Holy shit. That's one of the greatest, that's one of the greatest fucking trailers I've ever seen in my life. That is so amazing. Wow.

Entertainment, Brian, that's what it all comes down to. That was so. When you want to get your product across, whether it's the news and you're in that news cycle. Yeah. Whether you're in the world wrestling entertainment field. Yeah. And you're Rhonda Rousey making a big transition from, uh, in-ring combat.

Sure. To fake fighting, as you call it. Or whether it's award season and you're out in Cambodia, getting a cheap plastic ward stuck up your ass while you try to get your 51-year-old dick hard. It's all about entertainment, Brian Cound. And that's my gift to you today. All right. Listen.

My gift to your audience. Yeah, this has been, I wish I could get this hour and a half back, and I apologize to everybody. Listen to the 10-minute podcast to hear where the 10-minute podcast is going next. It doesn't matter. Yeah. We're giving our stuff to some guy. named Mark. Listen.

He won it. Listen. Thanks a lot, Will. It's unlistenable when we're listening to the entries of all the people who sent in shit. It's unlistenable. Hey, we've had a lot of entries. Only three of them even make fucking sense. And one guy's just going to get it.

Or another guy if they show up. The bottom line here, Brian, is entertainment. And that's why I got on a plane early this morning coming home from Canada. And Brian hit me up yesterday. Yep. Because disorganized, Brian. Listen, you guys see come see me in D.C. this weekend. Brea next weekend, and then come see me at Valentine's Day at Tempe Improv.

Stand up live that Thursday, Friday, Saturday following Valentine's Day. And Will Sassau, go fuck yourself. Thanks, everybody. This has been a disaster. Give me that award. Pull down your pants.