The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 335 Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: November 23, 2025

Chris D'Elia seduces Brendan and Bryan to join his cult and the guys talk cult do's and dont's, hedonism, Chris's extremely brighter future and razor thin loss to Theo Von for guest of the year, Instagram funny vs real funny, pranking openers, vengeful lions, giant boars and much more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the. On its studios in Pliya, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for.

The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you see it. Live. But we're not live. We don't do it. And now it's the fighter and the kid.

Live. It's not like. This is not live. It's not live. Um, guys, we are here to podcast with Crystalia, and I want to start this in all seriousness with saying something nice about each other. Um, because I think there's a lot of negativity in the world. And I just feel like, fuck you. That really didn't last long. Man, that's not.

I don't, I don't like the vibe, Brian. I'm sorry. We're going to start saying, well, he's put on his shades. Okay. Because you know why? That makes me upset. I know. I know. I actually don't like doing it. And we are. And I don't like putting my shades on. Yeah.

But my future is too bright. All right, man. Well, look at mine. You're making it hard to say something nice. Please, please don't. Please be charitable with us as well when we're trying to. Okay. But there's a reason why Shab and I have sunglasses on and you don't have yours on.

Again, I'm trying to eat. You know what you do? You put sunglasses on the back of your head. You're that guy. Okay, look, guys. Guys, listen up. Listen up. I'm trying to be really positive.

Okay, okay. And I, and so I'll start by, by rising up. above your insults because you've already insulted it's not i'm not insulted and it's okay well i didn't insult you though because you guys are young so it's fine first of all you're young so i'd like to say that's not we're not we are you guys are you guys are doing well and you're up and coming now now well now you're not you're not you're almost going to be you're going to be 40 soon and so it hasn't happened it hasn't happened in a movie way for you really or an i have two movies coming out this year but you know what i mean no one coming out a week thank you he's on that big

but what's what has happened yeah yeah well And things didn't, you know, they didn't, he wasn't able to carry the show through, right? And that's okay. Because very few people can do that. Here's the thing that I'm going to say that's good about you is that you work social media really well. Okay. And you have a young audience. You have a young audience.

I feel like you're being mean kind. No, no, no. I'm being positive. This just in. This just in, dude. This just in on deadline. Chris Delia to star in Psychopath Comedy Series and works at YouTube, Red. What's that?

I know. What's going on there? No, that's great. And it's what's going on there. Today it came out. What the fuck? No, no. Hold,

let me see that picture. I know. It's from fucking, like, eight years ago. Ah. Do you ever want to see this picture? I'm sorry. You lead singer a nickelback? Yeah, I buy it.

Basically. You play a nickel back? Well, let me sing. Why did you, hold on. Why did you take a photo shoot like this, though? I didn't mean to. First of all, congrats. It's fucking cool.

Psychopath comedy series. Yeah. Is that Russell Brand or is that to you? Wait. Hey, can you bring this up? It's on, uh, it's on deadline. I'm going to say it's on a nice bag. Okay.

Can we standpoint? You look like Russell Brand, and I think that's good. I don't really look like Russell Brand, do I. You have his energy. Can I tell you something? That's a, that your hair's style here, huh? No, no, that's just, hey, dude, that's just how it was. Chris, why are you so serious?

Look at that. Man, that's, oh, I told him, oh, yeah, because you know how this works. You don't know how this works, dude. You know what? Because you never mentioned. But they just grab a shot from online, dude. They don't ask you for a pick. Dude.

They just fucking grab a shot online. Stay positive. Stay positive. Okay. I can see you're getting your... How about this for positive? How about this for positive? You know what?

And speaking of congrats, thank you very much. All right. I have a podcast. Congratulations. Now, I want to let you guys know. I'm not trying to promote my shit. I'm not trying to promote my shit. Now, my shit is rising.

It is rising. And this podcast is good. And you know what? I stopped making a podcast because I'm not in the podcast business. Yeah, you are. I have a cult. And it's a cult. And I am...

You can't admit to that. That picture looks like a cold either. It does, doesn't it, dude? You look like the guy who, killed everyone in Waco. Chris, you can't just admit. And I would never kill anybody, but my goal is to get this podcast going so much so that I have followers.

And then we go to a log cabin and we chill out and we sit down for the rest of your life. And we learn and we talk about humanity. Learn what? Share ideas. And I don't know if you've been looking online lately. I have. I want to bring this up. I want to bring this up.

I'll tell you what. Talk about a nice thing. You guys are two elders of my call. wrong. Oh, my, dude. Brendan's shop. And you got the official pin. I'm not wearing this.

Yeah, you are, dude. Yeah, you are, dude. You're a true baby. Wait, dude. No, I want to resist his charisma. No, I love Chris. Brendan. No, I'm an elder.

No, Brendan, resist his charisma. No, I love you. Into what? He's sucking you into his coat. No, no, dude. No, guys, we need to stick together. Brendan. You guys, we need to stick together.

Brendan. Should I quit this? No, Brandon. Well, I mean, you can keep going from a little bit, but once we get to the lot, I mean, it's going to be great. This all makes so much sense. Brandon, you're getting sucked in by his charisma. No, put the pin on.

Brandon, don't put up a bit. Look at me. I'm an elder. It's Brian. Oh, God. What the fuck? That's what they do. They make you feel important.

No, no, no. You are important. Brian, you are important. I'm not in. You're very important. And you're important to me. And you're important to me. And you're important to all of us.

Well, thank you. And if you're a member of my cult. And also, you know, the podcast. And you guys are, you know, you're subscribing. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. Oh, you really mean. Do you really mean I'm in the...

Yeah, you're an elder. You guys support me. You could support the cause. What would we do to... Oh, sorry. Fuck, don't look at his eyes. Look at that. Brendan, don't look at his fucking eyes.

Don't even look at the picture, though, because he... He's so? I know, I know he's hypnotic as fuck. He's so charming. Oh, Brandon, look at me. Just stay with me for a second. It's okay, it's okay, guys. Stay with me.

Put the certificate down. Wait, what's he say? I signed it for you guys. A certificate of the eldership. Let it be known that Brennan Chauvin' and Brian Call on a... I demonstrate an exceptional commitment. You are. Have demonstrated,

does this way, wait, wait, let it be known, hold on. This is what the certificate, hold on, this is what the certificate eldership says. Let it be known that Brian Callan and Brennan and Shob have demonstrated an exceptional commitment to living and spreading baby ship in the world and honoring the congratulations show. With the consent of daddy,

parentheses Christelia, this person henceforth carries the status of elder. We simply have to frame things now. And he signed it. Dude. This is legit. You are a very dangerous person. Be nice, Brian.

It's a good gift. I know. Thank you. But Chris? I'm thanking you. Are we the first elders? Chris, hold on. There's like 12, man.

Who else? What? No, hold on. Who else is elder? Some really, really people who, some people who really, really. Some people who really spread the word and help. But like who, though? They made artwork.

They've, but what do we spread the word? Chris. What is your cult stand for? for what do we what do we say about your cod hedonism okay let me explain what that is hedonism is the pursuit of pleasure okay so in other words it's the pursuit of the appetetic pleasures like sex oh i'm in and food oh say no more chris chris hey no brennan that's not a good example brandon that's not a good example i live my life like that you but he's not your daddy no but in the log cabin no dude you have a lot of and we're going to wear white linen it's

going to be great see you see charisma you're really into fashion and And do we wear cool shoes and stuff? Oh, yeah, yes, yes. And we talk about shoes a lot, too. Brennan, that's so materialistic. And there's girls? Oh, there's girls there. And they're beautiful.

And they're there. And they're, and they aim to please. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, there's like, there's also if you got, if you like guys, too, that's, that's in. All right. All right. It kind of is. No, listen.

It will be. Brendan. Brandon. His neck is getting all weak. Brandon, tighten your mouth. You guys, tighten your mouth. I want in. I'm pretty big.

Tighten your mouth. Come back over here. You know what? the pin actually looks really good on you you look handsome i feel good oh god it's so charming brennan he's he's fucking charming as shit he's got tremendous charisma that's what cult leaders do are those these are the new ones are those jordan three c mans came out yes oh man listen chris it's working don't look in his fucking eyes don't look at the picture don't look in his eyes for real can i have your girl no you can have them all see no that's what they do you can have them all that's what they

do but i have my shoes and clothes in fact he's trying to take everything for you and can i take You can have my R-S-7, but yeah, don't work that. It's an R-S-7? But yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that cement gray? Yeah, it's like a dolphin. Also known as Battleship Gray? It's a dolphin. Oh, God. All right. I'm so hard right now. I'm not going to look in your eyes because I'm so hard. He is hard. He is hard. Oh, God. It's gross. God. Oh, I want it. Listen. Man, that's gross. Oh, I want in. Dude, don't be that guy. What do you have a crap? Oh, I want in.

You're welcome. Frame those and put those up. And you know what? Oh, I'm framing those, by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Well, add it to the dick diver picture. Nice. Hey, Chris. What's up? I know that you're 90, you're about 85% serious about your cult. So, yeah.

And so I don't approve. Yo, you know what, dude? You know what? You are. He's a heinous, dude. I say, you want a cult. No, I'm not. He wants a cult.

No, I'm not. And you can have one if you join mine. No, I'm not joined. We all have it. I'm not joining your cult, dude. Dude, how awesome would it be to just be in fucking tall grass, chilling out. and there's like and we're just playing

there's no music dude I don't fucking do that shit in Topanga and maybe like the closest thing to us is like a general store and we just kind of like lounge around people massage our legs and we talk and share ideas dude

yeah your ideas about what do you don't have ideas oh yeah I do dude like what give me a couple of ideas because you guys always want to you guys always want to kind of restructure society and I just don't trust cult leaders I'm sorry and I don't trust cults no hats

So I do. No hats. No hats. No hats. That's, how is that an idea? What about a summer? How is it not an idea? What about the summer?

A ball cap. That's it. If you need something to fucking... Okay, I love ball caps. There you go. But if you're going to wear a fucking fedora or a bowler's cat... What else do you stand for besides? Pleasure.

You got a lot to learn, dude. That's what I did. That speaks volumes. You know what? Can I answer this for you? If you have to ask? You can't be in it. If you have to ask?

It's true, you don't know. You don't see me asking all these. stupid questions. You know what's going on here, Chris? You're jealous, Brian. Yeah, he wants a call. Brendan, blind allegiance to a leader like Chris will get you killed. I'm not blind, brother.

He wants a call. And we're not telling. That's what they say. You know what? I've seen how the story goes down. I followed the whole Manson family story. No, see, that's what he's trying to do. Would you, would you have, what do you stand for?

Do you accept all members of society or are you going to try to turn your people against certain people? I know what you're saying. You're saying it's like a little bit like Stalin or it's a little bit like a Sure, that's how it happens. Do you require a blind allegiance to you and your cause? Yes, but I'm never going to steer anyone wrong. Yes, there it is.

But I'm not going to steer everyone. I like what he's putting down. You're not going to steer everybody wrong. So you're the one who's actually at the wheel. Thank you. You're saying. I didn't. I'm saying, don't say thank you because I didn't give you that.

You're not driving my bus. Oh. All right? You're not driving my bus. So, but you want to drive the bus, right? And you want everybody else to follow you, right? You want everybody in the passenger seat, right? If they want to, which is a good idea.

Yeah, but you... Can I add this, Brian? And I think this might help you jump aboard the baby train. Now, do you offer any sort of benefits? Like, would you fix Brian's teeth? Would you cut his hair? Listen, listen.

Well, we don't need to cut his hair, right? It's falling out on. But the back is a ducktail. He's a mullet in the room. Stop it. There's a mullet in the back. Like, do you guys offer any fashion advice? Oh, yeah.

We do. We do. We do. We do. Yeah, we would do that. We could pay for that, too. Listen to me. What else do you need, bro?

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And this is going to pop you out of it. Hey, Chris, when a follower breaks your rules, what do you do to them? They've got a legit question. They're banned. For live? Very far away, yeah. So that's it. So if they cause one indiscretion, you kick them out.

Yeah, but dude, they don't have to cause an indiscretion. Okay, but what would be an indiscretion? Yeah, like, what are the rules here? Like. Showing up with a fucking hat? They know better. Oh, my God. You see what happens?

That makes sense. So now you have a dress code. That makes sense. I mean, it's not a dress code as more as a suggestion. And what do they have to call you? Daddy or Mommy. Oh, my fucking God. Mommy might be an issue, but Daddy, I'm on board with it.

What about what if they say, call you Chris? Well, I didn't pick that name, did I? That was just given to me. So you have to. Dude, you are, you are such a dangerous person. I want everybody listening. Is Papa acceptable? Is that cool?

Yeah, if you're like Spanish or some shit. Okay, I want everybody to know that this is so clearly a negative thing to be associated with it's not. It's not. Because he's into mind control. That's exactly why we need this cult. Because you are admitting that you have a cult. You know what I am. I am admitting that I have a cult.

Fuck all this negativity about cults. This shit's awesome, dude. And we, I mean, what else? It's a supportive group. Yeah, it's a supportive group. Dude, we help our own. Can I ask you another question, Chris? Right.

Do you have to pay? Do you have to pay money to be in your cult? It's not a half-do thing. It's a... So there is money involved. Well, you need money to live. It's called donations, Brian. It is called donations.

And we'd love to fucking abolish all of money and just go off trade. Great. But what would your... How much money do you request as a donation, Chris? You know, dude... Just answer the question. No, I don't want to answer the question. Because you have an answer, but you're embarrassed to say.

I've made no money off this cult so far. Well, how much... That's, okay. How much are you asking your followers for... What is the initiation fee? Hey, man. You see what happens? Yeah.

Because he's secretive and 45%. 45% of what, their income? The total. You know what? It seems fair. Do you hear this? Not even after taxes. Oh, well.

Chris, you're doing it so lazy. Where does the money go? The hedonistic life. So you just spend it on yourself? Oh, us, us, but you know. Mainly you, though? I'm the leader. No, no.

You're so lazy. So lazy. All right. Hey, tell us about the psychopath comedy series. What's up with this? I don't know, man. You're not even interested in your own series.

I just got too much shit going on, man. I'm fucking touring. You're on the good son or whatever? I'm on the good doctor. He's on The Good Doctor. He's on Alone Together. He's got a movie coming out called Half Magic. He's got a movie coming out called Life and Year.

And you know what, dude? Who is he? Studio movie. Me, dude. Well, don't talk about it. And also, I got this new tour

that I'm starting called Follow the Leader. Hey, and it looks like a cult picture, bro. Well, I mean, whatever you call it. You want to say,

people say propaganda, but it's like, what we're doing is reaching a cause, and what we're doing is, we have a place that we can all come together and fucking celebrate,

man. Okay, let me ask you. And I'll talk about. Bring this cult picture up for his tour. It's on his Instagram. This is a very important question, too.

are, are young guys allowed in your cult? Yeah, but a lot of guys, a lot of young. You don't want to fuck up the ratio. How many young guys are actually in your cult? What is the girl to guy ratio, Chris? It depends. Look at that. Wait a minute.

It's unbelievable. It is what is, why is that baby? Explain this picture. Explain this fucking picture, Chris. All right, dude. Hey, and also I see Denver on there. I'm proud to announce. I'm proud to announce.

Hey, hold on. me, you need my permission I don't, I don't. I don't. I don't see, don't. Where are you at in Denver? Some fucking theater. You ain't a mile high state, man. No, not quite. You have Pepsi? Nah, I don't know any other places. You're going to know about this. I don't know any of you.

I don't know, actually. Dude, he's actually, he, you are so blatantly a cult leader. Us babies won't back down until we have a log cabin in the woods. We're all wearing white cloth, talking about things in very calm voices. No chairs. We sit on the ground. feel the earth what a what a bullshit thing but sometimes i got i get to sit in chairs still and also there will be chairs at my shows because they will be in theaters but whatever cities cities and more cities at chris leo dot com the cities here are just the first few i'm adding many cities later say cities more chris so sound off in the comments below so my question is are you with us or are you a piece of shit

Chris What are you in the See you soon That's heck full of the leader You are horrible You're admitting anybody who's not with you Is a piece of shit Yeah

Oh my God Chin just liked it Chin Chin what the fuck I also like you a baby You guys resist Everybody resist Hey Chris

We seem to be in Orlando You're holding a baby Is that right? yeah let's fucking let's fuck each other there you're so bored with fucking it you want to fuck your friends let's fuck each other there let me be the top bro oh dude I'll be I'll be the

you know what I'll be the bottom oh my god you know what dude follow the leader tour tickets on sale for the general public Friday hey you're with us or you a piece of shit all right that doesn't look so much like that's a good campaign you got rolling there thanks I'm you know what dude I'm because here's the thing oh dude you do comedy okay cool you have a podcast let's all streamline it it's a cold

I'm and oh it's got such a negative thing you know what oh cult's always like we're not a cult we're not a cult I am a cult no fuck it dude I like that he's sitting it head on though be you know because a lot of people don't they don't want to refer to it let's do it dude let's do it no I like sucking and fucking no no Brennan as a student of history this guy is a dangerous he's a dangerous Well, I like what he's putting out. You like sucking and fucking... You don't like sucking and fucking?

I mean sometimes... I mean, sometimes this fucking guy. Oh, get the fuck out of here, dude. Jerking your thumb in me and this... Sucking, fucking eating, chilling, petting, massaging our legs. Dude, get the fuck out of here, man. You don't like that shit. You don't like nice, like feeling like that.

Like, a woman just kind of your head's in her lap and she's doing it like that? Sort of. No, not sort of. You like it. You love it. I love it. Get the fuck to the log cabin. Holy shit.

Wow, bro. You're so dangerous. You're so aggressive. You're making them upset. You're not violent. I'm more dangerous than this country. Dude, I'm living a hedonistic lifestyle, man.

I eat what the fuck I want. I got brown rice and eggs. Whatever the fuck I want. Take it easy, man. You are such a real fire- You're dangerous. I eat ice cream at night. Do you see how angry he is and dangerous?

I know, but B, remember he said you want this to be a positive podcast, and I feel like you're poking the bear here. So he has a cult. I'm not, I'm at, look, look, I'm holding a fucking baby in that picture. Your hands are huge. But whatever. My hands are huge.

It's a painting, dude. You know. I mean, it's in my likeness. And it's a toddler. It's not even a baby. I hate to tell you. Well, yeah. That's a toddler.

I mean, it's like a fucking, you know, nine. It's like a year old maybe. I don't know, man. You're not even really looking at that kid. I'm looking at the kid. What's that kid's name, Chris? You know what that kid's name is? What?

You. You see. It's you. It's not me, Chris. No, no. It's not going to fall for your, for your bad, for your bad philosophy. But it's you. No, that's it.

It's everybody. I'm not falling for your general. It's the babies. Mm-hmm. The first thing they do is they come up with a general philosophy that everybody, everybody falls to. Like the Nazis referred to Jews as rats? Well, but, yeah, that's harsh.

No, Brennan, that's an extreme example. That's an extreme example. But that did happen. This is where it leads. This is where it leads. Chris, because he's more pleasure, though, and fun. Yeah, but if you're not in a piece of shit. Brian, you know what you are?

You know what you are? What? You're the no fun, please. Yeah, dude. I try to be positive here. How fucking annoying is the no fun police? What do the kids call him, Chris? A hater.

All right, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to, we're going to do a reset. We're going to do a reset. Chris, say something nice about me. Okay. Please, Chris. I think. Well, there's, you had a rapper stuck your fucking foot before you say it. Yeah, look at it.

Oh, yeah, you guys fucking sabotage me, dude. This was on the ground already. We did not sabotage me. What is that a laughy taffy rapper? No, it's a fucking, it's a water bottle thing. The cult leaders don't, they, the call leaders take themselves very seriously. And they take, and they get really mad at any slight. See what's happening with it?

You guys put this and sabotaged me and made me look stupid in front of it, Chris. Nobody did that. You guys did do that. You see what power does your head? And honestly, if we were, if we were chilling outside, you'd have to go back to the lock cabin and do some chores. So you do have punishment? Well, it's not punishment. It's just help.

You're helping now. You're a sweeper. I'm a sweeper. You go in and sweep. Ryan just pulled landscaping duty. There's lots of long. Okay. So say something nice about me and then, and it better be genuine.

All right. And it better be positive, Chris. I like Brendan's attitude. I think he's got a great attitude. And I think he's a go-getter. And I think he fucking won't stop. And he's a fucking juggernaut. Thanks, man.

No problem. In many sense of the word, too. Juggernaut. Yeah, he's a juggernaut. Okay, great. Yeah. Good stuff. Talk about me.

Yeah. You honestly. Be nice, Chris. I'm gonna. It's a positive day. I'm gonna. It's a positive day. Remember that time we went to dinner with a bunch of people and we were at this restaurant,

Laurel Tavern or Laurel, something. Sure. More hardware. That's what it is. I think I was there, right? Yeah, you were. Okay. And Brian at the end of the meal. Nice meal. Nice meal. Nice meal. A lot of friends. A lot of laughs. Yeah. Brian says, uh, hey, um, uh, to me, he says secretly, pay for this the whole meal. And it was nice that you thought of everyone else, uh, that we, that should be taken care of. Okay. Well, I do remember that. It kind of, that's not very much. I don't know if it's positive because I don't think that as negative. You're being a dick. No, but. But it happened.

I was there. That did happen. Brian was like offering people who kind of don't know food. Oh, yeah. Yeah. People we barely. I've never met. It was because you were bragging about all your money.

And I thought maybe you should put your money where your mouth is. And I paid for it. Because you brag about all your money. And you barely ate anything. I did. Now, I paid for it and didn't make a dent. But I just thought it was nice. Don't, don't be so happy with yourself, bro.

But don't say, no, no, no, I know, dude. All right. I trust your hand. I know, dude. We ordered a lot of food at a very nice place. Good wine. And good wine. I don't even drink.

You suggested that I pay for everyone. Right. And I did. Okay. Okay. And the interesting thing about that is, okay. It didn't make a dent. Right?

Right? No, right. No, it didn't make a dent. Right? But it bothered you a little bit. Chris, that is so obnoxious. So I was, I was, listeners right now. Because you're bragging about the money you make.

It's so obnoxious. What? Because it can all be taken away from you, as you know. So just know that on the way down, those people are not going to be there to catch. Oh, dude. Why do you think I'm building this cult? Oh my God. So that when the shit hits the fan, you got people to catch you.

So when the shit hits the fan, I can still. Fuck and suck. Oh my gosh. Wow. You are admitting. That's the worst shit, bro. At least most cultators don't say it out loud. And that's the problem with cults, dude.

I am reinventing the idea of a cult. And that's not bad, dude. Because you know what, man, a lot of people think that they see reality for what it is. Right. Right? Take an umpire. Okay. All right.

How often are they making the right call? They mess up a lot. I mean, they mess up a lot. But they're literally sitting in front of what they think happened. All right. Okay. Okay. Machines could do their job.

Machines can do their job, can't they? And a lot of machines can do their job better. But we're humans. And when we look at reality, we perceive what happens. And it may be right or it may be wrong. But when you're chilling with us and you're having a good time and you're living a hedonistic lifestyle, none of that matters, dude. Because it's all about now. What's the most?

What's the past? Does it exist? Nope. It doesn't exist. it happened? Can I ask you a question? It's about now. The only thing that matters is now. The only thing that matters is now. Preach. The only thing that matters is now. Preach. And that doesn't matter anymore, because you know what matters? Now, can I ask you a question? Sure. How much would it cost for me to turn your coat? You want to do a monthly thing or do you want to pay up front? I don't know. You make so much sense. I got lost in your eyes. Once you pay, that's in the highest. You're okay? Oh, man. That is very powerful. Well, let me just say, wow. Once you pay. Wow. He almost caught me. Once you pay, it's in the past.

Holy shit. And you think that matters is now. Making so much sense, but I'm going to fight this. He's selling a car dealer. Anyway, congrats on your tour. So tour, no, that shit. The fuck, dude. I lost guest of the year by a percent.

One percent. The fuck is that. I didn't post about shit. I didn't push it. I win. Chris. Fuck this, Theo Vaughn. Chris.

Hey. Fuck he's got. Chris, he's a colleague. please dude he's we've got two first names he's out he's out great you can't say that

hey tiovan where are you hiding what's your real last name fuck out of here Chris don't be such a baby thing comes through they kind of let you down man I didn't push it if I pushed it oh dude

I'll tell you what man guest of the year 2018 right here now it's over all right the whole leader spoke All right, man.

Now, is there anything we can talk about that doesn't fucking revolve around you? I'd love to. In your coat? Well, let me, where does, where does, where does daddy get his kicks from? I got a guy. You might have a better shoe collection than me. I don't know. You said you have a lot.

Shoes don't matter, though, do they? Quantity over quality, maybe. Well, no, but you, you have a lot. You also, you also like a lot of different kinds. Yeah, you like just one. I like, I like, you know, Adidas boost and shit and, like, like, Yeezys. I like Jordans. I like Air Max.

I like some Reeboks. Who gets you your kids? I mean, I have different people. I have a guy named Angelo that's, uh, that, that, that, that you have a shoe guy. You asshole. Oh, I have a shoe guy, dude. And you know what? I'm not sorry about this shit, man.

I'm tired of fucking people asking you to apologize. Dude, I have a shoe guy. Oh my God. You have a closet full of shoes. Dude, you're, that's so obnoxious. I have a shoe guy, dude. And sometimes I use stock X. It doesn't fucking matter.

I also have a shoe guy, Brian. Yeah. Welcome to 2000. You've materialistic. fucking materialistic. This guy's wearing fucking samba's around. I'm sorry, is an indoor soccer game going to break out? Or a street fight, so I'm ready. A street fight, dude. Because I sit down on my plunges

now. Listen to me. Chris, did you watch any of the Olympics? Yeah, I saw some of the curling, bro. It's that all about. Hey, stop. Stop curling. Terrible sport. I feel like the three of us could do it. It's a terrible sport. Oh, a sport or a game? Dude. It's a game. Hey, or is it a hobby? Is this a fucking Olympic

sport? Or did you invite your friends over? That's what that shit is. They're like this. And then they just let it go gingerly. Let's see. If you have to let some shit go gingerly, you're not in the Olympics. I feel like if the three of us got together and gave us a day and we had someone teach us how to do it, we could do our own.

Look at this girl. Yeah, that girl's beautiful. Oh, my God. She's the curler? Yeah. She's the one that everyone's going crazy about. My God. But it's incredible.

Wow. She's very, very, very jolly. that's her there Super, but it's super Oh, she has a man, Brian back off, bro She's super Wow, she looks like Natalie Portman Dude, you know what man

You're honestly, you're being sexist, dude She has a soul That's a human being She has a fucking spirit And a soul Did I say women? Run, yes No, dude, it can be guys

Oh my God Look at her She is astonishing And Estacia, the cool thing about her last name was really easy to pronounce. Brazgalov. Brazegolov. Brazegov.

Anesthesia Brazolov. I watched Curling. I was in Canada for way too long. I was in Canada for... Oh, she's married. Back off, you... You know what that means? Game on.

She's going to get fucking divorced. Chris! You get me a surefire way to fucking split up? Get married, dude. Come on, dude. That's a handsome guy. She's gorgeous. Oh, I think they're mad at us.

next door. Really? No, then I can do shit. Or they might just be moving stuff. Yeah, I think they're moving in there. Who's fucking mad at you? What are they doing? No one's mad.

No, we've had this studio for a while. All right, listen, listen. Hey, look, it's a picture of Brian in his career. So what's the deal? What is it is? Slippery, slippery, slow. Be careful. What are you?

What? Another picture. Oh, oh, that's the chick. I thought, I'm sorry. You thought that was, no, no, no. I thought that was a picture. There I thought I was a picture of you in your career. That's me.

Sirful is a slippery slow. Chris, we're supposed to make this a positive podcast. Yes, you're right, I am. And that's why I gave you guys certificates. You guys didn't bring shit. What are you growing on your face, honestly? You know what I do?

A hobo beard? No, no, no. It's a hobo beard. No, it's not. Why wouldn't you shave just your neck? It's politically incorrect to call them a hobo. Well, I don't give a shit because you look like a hobo all the time. No.

You look like a junkie. Do you know that? No, you know what I do? No, in my cult, you don't shave. you just let it happen when was the last time all bullshit aside your skin saw the sun 2015 is okay you do look like you've been working out though how many hours do you sleep in night 12 is it okay okay you're a mollusk it's relaxing you don't read anything right oh that's

bullshit what if it was the last thing you read um transcript of my podcast what Hey, what exact is your podcast about? Oh, dude, that's my favorite question. It really is. All right. Let's hear it, bro. You know why? Because you don't deserve a fucking answer.

That's why. No, I'm in the club. No, no, no. I'm not saying you. I'm just saying when people ask me that, you are in the club. And my podcast is about how I feel about things. Okay. And it's also about what happened to me the past week.

And you listen and you and it's entertainment. Yeah, dude. And it's about entertainment. and it's fun and I and we break down the rules of society and that's it Chris why do you call your friends that hang out with you what do you refer to your friends when we're at swingers eating why do you go hey sidekick guy in a movie who has five lines no hold on you got to bring this up chin go back to Chris's Instagram I was laughing so fucking hard have you seen what he did oh yeah his opener was talking shit to him bragging how he bought this new outfit and he's

going to show Chris up so Chris you know Chris you'll love the exact same outfit and showed up at the club show this video chins so it's it's up up up up up up up up one more in the middle there all right cool you just play so last night something went down i'm gonna tell the story here but uh all week last week my opener was telling me about this new outfit he bought he finally got a new outfit because he never wears good clothes and he was talking about how on friday on when we did the show we were going to do the show together and how he was going to kill it and how he's going to be the star because he's got this new outfit and finally people are going to be paying attention to him and not me even though he's opening for me and uh so he's got this new

outfit from g star and uh he was so excited and he kept showing us the picture and the group text uh of the of the outfit and about how cool it was and i was like we he's like you guys aren't shit when i put this outfit on so i went the day before the show and i bought the same outfit and I wore it as well to fuck his whole night up. Now go to the next one. So last night This is the outfit.

Anyway, I don't like it. It's a fucking, it's a specific thing. It's not like just a black t-shirt and shit, you know? So it's got the logo and then the motocross knees, which looks like you're trying too hard. But you got to do it. You got to ruin your friend's night side. If you don't ruin your friend's night's night,

honestly you ain't shit right you ain't shit if you don't do that and he's got the he's like I got black Jordans he didn't even have the good ones I'm gonna get you still have the good ones and shit look at your shoes the better version of the fucking Jordans that he has

and wear them bro look at all your time doing his outfit right okay next one I didn't see this this is great oh look he's got the same outfit on Oh, my God. Look at this moron. That is the greatest.

You can't do that. Well, it's done, bro. You think people are going to think I'm dressing like you? Fuck off. Hey, he worked. I got to get a picture. Mike Lanocchi. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, that's so good. That's so good. Oh. Oh, my God. Look how red his fucking faces.

Oh, you're so mean. Yeah, bro. It's when the student takes over for the teacher. He has no idea what the saying is. All right, next one. I love Mike Lenarty. Mike is funny as shit. I'm fucking ridiculous in that he started to be dressed like me.

I'm the fucking headliner and this fucking guy thinks that you can't put him from fucking Chris the Leaf. How great is this? Oh, my God. I was, I think I was in. this. I was in St. Louis. I was dying. You don't dress like Daddy. You don't dress like the fucking hand that feeds you,

okay? Oh my. Tell them the truth. Tell them the truth. Tell them the truth. Oh, my God. You son of a bitch. Dude, I was in St. Louis Gini would go on that. I was fucking dying. That fucking good.

Yo, dude. So that, that, now you're asking me, what happened? if you go against the cult. Boom. There's an example. Chris, I'll beat your ass.

Why was he trying to flex on you? Yeah, that's the thing, dude, don't flex. You got a humble him a tad. Yeah. I'll flex on you and beat you up. He goes on the road with you,

like he's going on this. I bring him to open for me a bit. I mean, I have a few guys. He's funny as shit. I have a few guys that open for me. Yeah, he's really funny.

He's great. I have a few guys that open for me and he's one of them I like using him. Now, he's a hard worker. Are you going to keep him down? Like a lot of headlines due to their features.

No, no. I want them to thrive. And use him. Look what you did for me and Chris. That's right. I gave you guys wings. I got you up out of the nest. It was not comfortable at first,

but I got you out of the nest, and now you're flying, right? Yeah, and now you're like. No, no. No, no. And I'm like. Don't do that. And you're like,

are you a dragon? I mean, you're just like, I'm just like, who. you know and you're like you know what I'm saying wait that's my

that's the noise he's trying to latch on that's the noise and I'm just like that's me for you guys he's kicking he's kicking out

he's like Game of Thrones you guys I wish you guys I wish you can see this he's that noise is him i know but people listening he's reaching in the air the noise you make is like this you barely jump your neck special that you never do should be called oh my i have never been more insulted in my life Chris are you like Brian when you're exhausted oh my god you're exhausted from your insult

oh no Chris died ladies and gentlemen please just passed away drinks of the coffee bro drinks in your coffee what if he passed away right now yo you'd have the you'd have the most successful podcast of all time probably if a fucking comedian died oh my and we would air it I'd want you to dude we had one guy remember we had that one guy who was on here would say his name we didn't air it remember he's in the porn industry yeah and he was like this the whole time yeah oh jesus christ yeah um i i i swear to god i want my on a serious night i want my funeral to be a celebration you know what i want my funeral to be what i i understand that and that's

cool and i like that idea you know what i want my funeral to be what i don't give a fuck you know why dead what am i going to be like well but guys no you're not going to be thinking shit you know you're thinking uh nothing well they sell i don't want to be dark but they sell they they sell cask gets for like 50,000 dollars because they're silk lining and all that stuff. Fuck that, dude. Prop me up. Not put me to... Prop me up on a wall just like,

like weekend at Bernie's with fucking sunglasses on and put me high up. So when Brian comes and pays respects, he's like... I'm not paying... I'm not paying... Do you finally get to you? Yeah. And I'm still higher.

Just that on me. You still win? Weekend at Bernie's like this with glasses like this. I want him like this. You still win? Yeah, no shirt. And I'm going to get it. get fat before i die too like i need to get fat so it's disrespectful when i'm up there just fucking belly out with like you know what jean shorts yeah i don't even wear them but jean shorts nuts out the front yeah dude yes sure why not you know what you can do it if you want yes you know and then and then

you know birds will eat you yeah it doesn't matter i'm dead me indoor too the fucks it mattered i'm dead put me outside you want a Tibetan burial yeah sure okay what they they they split you split your and they let the vultures come and eat you. But do they splite your head or split your head? Because you said splight. A splight is split in Tibetan. Mm, gotcha. Yeah, that makes sense.

In Lassa. Dude. Chris, can we acknowledge something? It's kind of the elephant in the room. Can we acknowledge something? That's to do with Brian? So. Brian's waiting to hear about the big news about his NBC show and it.

It's like he doesn't care. I'm not. I'm not. It's like his entire life has been hanging on this. And he just said, he says, I don't even pay attention to it. And then at night I get these texts like, what do you think, bro?

Can you put a call in for me? Could you ask Delia to maybe reach out? And I said, I said, I'm not going to do the work for you. That's not true. So your show, when you find out about... Why is you to Freelander on your... No, that's me. Don't try changing it.

Don't try changing it. It's me with a hat on. Okay, cool. Chris, do you have advice for Brian how to deal with stuff like this? Well, I don't want to go back to the call, but it's all about now. Thanks, man. There's nothing to do with the past. It hasn't it now.

And if the show gets picked up, then it doesn't matter because it's about now. If it doesn't get picked up, it doesn't matter because it's about now. Okay. It's not a new philosophy. You know that. But there's all the philosophies are out there.

What we do is we streamline it. You sound like an Instagram hot chick. Well, no, I'm just saying that it takes hard work. Do you have an inspirational quote for us today? Sure. What is it? Yeah.

The past is behind you. So live now. Man, that is pretty. Thank you. That is, that's good. No, and what I would do is, that's so cliche, you know, no, you know what I would do is,

I would have a picture if I was going to have a, a picture, a picture of an iceberg, and you just see the top of it above the ocean, and under it, you see the whole thing. But bro, that's... And you see hard work, dedication, perseverance, yada, yada. And on the top part, you see success. Okay, Chris. And I created that.

No, that's so cliche. God, I feel like we've seen it before. I doubt it, honestly. Oh, my God. So what would you say to a young person who's trying to make their way in the world? A 21-year-old, they're looking at the world, what is the advice you would give that? I would say, I would say, listen to your parents, but not too much because they're not right about everything. And then I, and then they would, and then I go like this.

That's so general. That doesn't, that's not a lot to go on. It's not really helping, is it be. No, it is. Because people need to find their own way. I would say, look, I could tell you everything. You know what I would say? I would say, keep your eyes on the prize and they say, how long does it take? And I say, it doesn't matter. Like, if you're, if you're, if you're focused on one thing, but you're, you're, thinking how long is it going to take you're keeping one eye focused on the wrong thing by the way what you need to do is keep both eyes focused on what's just terrible you're terrible job dove davidoff i went to meet him for drinks and he's in new york i mean in l a and he and i see last night no on monday

and i see him sitting in scopa and his back is he's sitting on a bench kind of staring at a wall with his notepad drinking wine and i come over and i go why are you not sitting at the bar and he goes because the guy over there is on a date and he looked at the girl and he looked in her eyes and he said all we can be is ourselves I had to leave dropping lines

he can't he can't even say he can't be next to that shit yeah I hear you guys like you all right Chris I get a piss hard before we do current events let's go pass that cool what do you mean do you stop yeah not go I'll take over

okay wow I'll talk about what ever let him take the reins be while we piss hard i don't have to piss right now he's scared brian's got where you go brenn's got a pee hey why are you taking your phone with you bro you got some high waters no you know he's gonna do he's gonna go piss and take pictures of it and and post it online of his of him pissing i've seen him do it before he deletes it real quick a piss um hey man so what's up man now it's just now that it's just us just us just killing it What? He, uh, he, uh, he fancies himself, uh, you know, like a big comic now.

You know what I mean? We could both probably take him, right? No. No. The both of us? The three of us couldn't take him. The three of us would lose. And, and I mean, I'm, I mean, if we're really fighting.

Yeah, he would kill us in the room. And he'd kill us quickly. It'd be really weird. Like, the only way is if he attacked you and I, you're useless. No, no, no, no, no, dude, I'm not. You're truly useless. I'm really, I'm really. I'm really.

I'm really honestly like you know what I swear to God and I'm not trying to be a dick you are as useful as the couch like if the couch was in the room or Chris is in the room but let me tell you something if I need a help in fighting Brennan in a life and death situation you would you're you're basically a soft landing no but I have a counterpoint does a couch get hurt what does a couch get hurt what does a couch get hurt do you know what he could do he kill me and just ignore you and you'd be a simpering shit pile in the corner it's not true dude and hey hey dude I don't I've fucking trained for six years. Don't lie down on my podcast. I do what I want. That's the thing, hedonistic lifestyle. Dude, I don't give a fuck what you want me to do. I'll sit how I want, and I'll do it anywhere. I'll be in court sit like this.

I don't get... Listen, sit up or I'm going to come at you. Oh, shit, man. What? You tried to kiss me. No. You're trying to kiss me. No.

That's how you defend yourself? I know. Oh, my God. You're actually trying to kiss at me. How fun? I just thought about the people only listening and not seeing it. How funny is that? That's your defense against a male-on-male attack.

No, dude. You just... All right, let's see what else. No, no. Oh, my God. I can't even... You're going... You're trying to kiss me, and your hands are all soft.

That's how you defend yourself. I use little shit. Have some self-respect and defend yourself. Oh! I got you away. God! Hey! Hey! Hey! You should see how he defends himself.

Watch this. No, no, no. I don't want to... Watch me come at him. Tries to kiss at you. It's not bad. See? And that's from a train. Why are you out of breath, bro? Bro.

Did he just get a piss? Did you just go piss? Why are you out of breath? I ran back. You got a bum ticker? Well, I know, I ran back. What'd you do? Fucking strength training?

Why are you smiling so hard? Why are you been wrestling? Dude, did you get higher? Yeah, I did. Oh, no. I have a drug problem. Oh, no. I have a drunk in there, man.

By bump, I may I smoke crack. Oh, no. That's awful, man. Dude, why? You get some current events, Jen. Yeah. How long have we been on this? Hey, what's this?

You roasted some opener on the road? Didn't know your name You're talking about on your podcast I was laughing What did I do? So you were in Oh, oh, oh, oh, you heard that dude Have you heard this be?

No. So what is it? You were on the road And then some opener didn't know Your name? Well, okay, so, you know, I'm in North Battleford, which is like,

it's like an hour and a half away from Saskatoon, which is up there. In Canada? Yeah, it's up there. You're hurting, no, you need to do these. No, they paid me.

They went to a guy, they were like, you want to go to a casino? And I was like, all, cool, you know, casinos. So. Casinos for a man Yeah, casinos. Hey, what do casinos have?

Gold coin. What do casinos have? Okay. So anyway, so nobody's asking that. What does a car lot have? Cars? So anyway, so, so the guy shows up and he was like, hey, man. And I was like, oh, hey, he goes, he says, what's your name?

And I was like, Chris, the guy's opening for me. He's a comedian. And the casino booked him. The casino is a lot of times. book their own. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I said, my name's Chris DeLea.

And he says, oh, cool. And I was like, oh, cool. And I was like, whatever. He doesn't know my name or maybe you know how to pronounce it. Fine. Not a big deal. Not everybody needs to know who I am.

I'd like to think if you're a comedian, you would probably know who I am. First you're opening for Chris Thalia. Especially if you're going to open. And how big is this place? It wasn't big. It was a casino in the middle of nowhere. You're right.

Okay. And so, so I was like, so I was like, oh, cool. And he said, so the next question he said, he said, what, what's your, how, how about, what, he said, so what, what, what music do you listen to? And I said, I literally said, what, what music do I listen to? And he said, yeah. And I, and then he said, like, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you, what do you do you, what do you, and I said, um, well, I don't know, I just kind of chill out and hang out and depends, you know, and I do, uh, but I listen to hip hop and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and he said, oh, so what, what, what, what, what, what. what's your what's your show like and i said i mean i just get up there and kind of tell jokes and he said oh you're a comedian oh my god and i said yeah uh right yeah and he said oh oh then i'm going

to stay and watch you and he said i thought you were a i thought you were a musician it makes sense so if you if you look at me sure or or you're doing magic and you are also to be fair you always walk around with a guitar i do i always walk around with the guitar and i do a lot i have a heavy eye makeup were you like what no i but i was like so interesting but i was like and and and i was just told to come and do a yes but he was like was the older yeah he was like 47 i mean older than me but he was like uh but he was like uh do you do you he's like i just got the gig i didn't really ask i just said yes and i was like oh it's all good and i was like when when did he's like i just got the gig. I didn't look you up or anything. I was like, oh, cool. And he was like,

uh, I was like, when did you get the gig? And he was like two days ago, you got time to Google me. Did you say, sir, do you live under a rock? I mean, I, whatever. I'm not that big. I understand, but like, he's a comedian and he's going to open for me. Yeah, that's kind of strange. Do your homework. Now, let me ask you this. How was this comedy? I actually didn't really listen. I, I have a feeling, though, every time I checked in, it was very like Canada and local shit, you know. But, uh, you know. yeah there are listening to comics sometimes can be

like you get to a point where you can hear about 30 seconds yeah and you understand yeah you get it you get it it's really it's interesting like you can you can tell just by their confidence and they're set up and just fucking hey what's up the music I mean like you can hear that you know what I have fun doing and obviously you guys bring a comic you have your own opener yeah usually otherwise I'll fucking want to shoot

like dude I was in Canada before you even said I was in Canada for a week I didn't have an opener with me because I had to shoot the good doctor and then run around and do some gigs And it was just too expensive to fly him out and shit. And I was just like in the middle of, I was just like. Alone. Yeah. Yeah.

That's usually, well, I bring my brother with me. Oh, you do? Yeah, I bring my brother to me almost everywhere. That's awesome. That's awesome. Because he does all the. He's awesome. Yeah.

And then I do if, like, I'm in La Jolla or if it's somewhere close, I'll bring that Jesus, Trejo. Oh, he's fucking great. He's a great. He's a beast. I love that guy. I love that guy. But I've been having fun because when I go all around, hashtag road dog, but I go.

You don't have the hashtag conversation. Oh, that's hell. road die. That's like more miles than both of you this year. No, no, listen. No, you go. Yeah,

in Dublin, London, Australia. No, but listen, B. So when I go to all these freaking nights,

you know, uh, every city I'll have their local comic with me. Yeah. And then some are monsters. And then some of them. Not so monsters. Yeah.

And you can see why like, some are brutal. Yeah. Some are brutal. And I'm like, man, I'll, I'll tell the manager,

I'm like, you guys, and it's a good club. I'm like, you guys. have them open for everyone. I'm like, dang,

that's crazy because I'm digging out of it. When I get out there, I had a guy once. But then some, I'm like, holy fuck, how are you not? Yeah,

there's the guys where it's like, hey, move, dude. And then you go back a year later or two years later to the place, same guy. You're like,

and they always say, yeah, I'm going to get that out to L.A. this summer and they don't come. I know. And they take my number. Dude,

I'm going to hit you up. Yes, I know, I know, you're just going to, You're not going to make it, dude. And that's fine if you don't want to, but they do. You know what happened to me?

I have fun with it, though. I like not knowing that there's that variable where, listen, if they bomb, it does suck for the overall show, but I know I'm going to do my thing. Yeah. But it's fun having that variable because I'll listen to like, how is this going to go? Oh, and then the guy brought up me up. In North Battleford, he brought me up. Tell me your name wrong. He was like, he said, I mean, openers get my name wrong.

You would be shocked. You would like, it's like. Chris Delia. Some guy in Canada, not this past time, last time, Chris Deli. And, dude, and he was bombing in a theater. Oh, God. But how do you bomb in a theater with my crowd? They're fucking so jacked.

Yeah. And this guy says, Chris Deli. Well, I don't, I, you love this. I got a girl in St. Louis. She's like, all right, everyone, it's your headliner. You've been waiting for it. It's Brandon Scab. And I got on the mic and go, are you shitting me?

Yeah, you got it. The fuck them. But it's fun, though. Yeah, it's fun. Come on. Brandon Schwab makes me, I go crazy. I hate that. I hate it.

I had a guy, the only time I ever had a, like a real issue was I came in. He was my feature. And he was on his phone and he looked up and he goes something like, so like that. And I was like, all right. That's all good. Yeah. And then he got up and started doing stuff like, this is a full house. And he started reading.

From his notebook, he was trying jokes out. Yeah, I hate that. And then people go, tell it, be funnier, something like that. Somebody said that. And he, then he turned on the crowd. And then you got to go out to the hospital. And then I went out. And so I came back and I go like this. I go, how long ago is this be? This is probably six, seven years ago. And I came back and you know me. You can't get me mad.

No, you're the nicest kid of the crowd. Yeah. And I came out and I said, I go, dude, dude, I went, dude, you're reading from your notebook and you're turning them against you when I get up there. maybe maybe this isn't the right time because it's going to be a packed weekend it was a place where I do well I go it's going to be a packed weekend so maybe don't do that you know joking around you know I'm laughing yeah yeah yeah yeah I get it you're trying stuff up but please don't do that yeah yeah right right right right right right right it's not appropriate do your good stuff so that you can set me up and yeah yeah yeah but also do your good stuff because this people are here

to see Brian maybe they're going to like you exactly yeah so many reasons I did what he said And he goes like this. He goes, he goes, no, you'll be fine. Nah, you'll be fine. Whoa. You did? Yeah. And I went, I went.

He goes, nah, no, no, you'll be fine. They'll like, they'll like you. You'll be fine. And I, like that, dismiss me. And I, and I just went, I go, but I won't be fine. I'm just telling you, man. And I just smiled like that. Yeah, you did it again the next night.

That's so weird. And then I said to the club. What's he doing now? What's he doing now? What's he's doing now? The club owner said to me, she goes, he's, he's always been that guy who It could have been something, but his attitude gets like to say, I'm not going to say what city I was in or who it was. I get in the room and I'm sitting, and I can tell the vibes a little weird, like they're not really talking to me.

You know, I'm, listen, I'm the punter on the football team. I'm the weird ball out around comics. So I come in, I'm overly nice. I'm talking to one. I can feel there's like this weird vibe. Yeah. And they're sitting there. I go, what's up, fellas?

And then just go, what's up? I'm like, it's going to be fun one tonight. Man, I think, you know, two sold out shows. It's a Wednesday night. I'm excited for this, man. And then the manager comes in. And she's like, you know, good to see, you know, everything sold out. Like the crowd's, it's crazy, man.

You got good fans. Like, yeah, crazy. And then Homeboy goes, must be nice to have your own audience and sell out shows when you've been doing it for, oh, I don't know, a month now. He said that? Yeah. Is that true? What did you say?

And I went, I went, excuse me? And he goes, I'm just saying, man, you know, it's a grind for a lot of us out of here. Oh, God. Hey, loser. That's not your problem. I just, I went, yeah, man, the whole goal is to build an audience, right? And sell tickets. I said, it's crazy, man.

I've done over 100 shows, man, so things are going good. And he goes, it must be nice. I'll say that. Must be nice. I went, Jesus Christ. I went, yeah, I don't want to tell you. I'll see you out there, brother. Like, I just want, no.

I'm like, I'm getting ready to do a show, man. I can't wait until after this podcast and you tell me who that is. Yeah, I'll tell you. I wanted to go before the show. I'm like, dude, you wonder why you're not successful? It's that. Why would you? Dude, they gave me a little.

I picked you out. Like, I'm trying to. I know. I don't like a lot of like sayings and stuff, but I had an acting teacher who was an older guy and had a very influential guy, but he said, he used to always say attitude monitors your talent and it monitors your life. And he said, he goes, he was 70 something. And he goes, yeah, he goes, I've seen so many people who could have done so many things and their attitude, their negative attitude just stop them. And that's a classic example. You see it all the time. You especially see it with comedians. Yes. You know, because. they you're you're literally your attitude is your act you know right and then you bring it off stage and then you see these guys and you're like and they're just like fuck this guy fuck that guy and it's like yeah that's poison you don't want to be around it and also you know we joke around like all the time like they they gave some cash and i get to the waitress and this

opener who's telling me how hard it like how hard times are on them right now so they gave me like a the wad of cash and i go here i'm fucking rich i don't need it joking yeah going fucking yeah of course like and you know i'm signed it and because you talk we're for everybody Yeah, but I was going to give to him no matter what. I'm making a joke, so it doesn't feel like I'm... And you're generous. You do that show. Yeah, all the time.

I never take that. Any cash I make, I give it to the staff. So I give that, and the guy goes, unbelievable. Like, you thought I was serious. I'm like, dude, what is your deal? I got to find out who... Will I know this guy? I don't think so.

So wait, what do you mean? Any cash you get? What do you mean? Like, if I'm at the comedy store or anything... Oh, got you, gotcha. From merch or if they give me cash from VIPs, whatever. I usually, I give it to all the employees in the company. Yeah, he goes, unbelievable.

I'm like, oh, my God. Even my brother, because then, you know, Jay, Jay's like, that's a fucking joke. And they guys like, have a good night. I'm like, Jesus. Well, so you got you, so you guys like had a, that's weird. I wish I was, no, it would be, it's weird because, but I was killing with kindness.

Of course, yeah, you're not going to, you, you're too big to fucking. He's sloppy, right? Sloppy. It's been the same set for a long time. But it's just fucking, it's just weird, man. Like, I don't, I don't know, man. Oh, isn't there the next night. Here's the thing.

Here's the other thing. And that was it my doing. If he is listening, that was it my doing. Here's the other thing, too, is people, like, the more comedians that are doing well, the more comedians will do well. No shit. Exactly. Like, what is it that I don't get?

Oh, this whole thing, that guy, I want what that guy has, and I didn't get it because he got it. It's famine thinking, right? It's insane. You're taking the whole pie. The pie keeps growing. Yeah. Think of it. You're taking the pie, and I don't get as big a piece.

It makes no sense. They get threatened by, first of all, I think, actually, I think it's even deeper than that. I think when you see somebody, especially like you who works so hard and does so much and never stops, and, you know, you're undeniable. I told you that a long time ago. You know, watching you become, you know, be this successful is your own doing. We had a long talk about it yesterday. And I've just seen how hard you work and everything else. But I think some people, what happens is when they see him or they see somebody doing well, it reminds them of what they're not doing.

Yes, of course. It's such a reminder of how they're not doing what they're supposed to do because it's so much easier to procrastinate. We all have it in us. Dude, it's so easy to do it that you don't even realize you're doing it. Like, I mean, like you, like guys who are just at the comedy store and don't go up and just like don't do other clubs and shit like that, they're doing that too. I talked to two guys who we all know and they're like at 30 and I said, and they're talented

it. But I looked at them and I go, guys, the old guy has a couple things to say. I've earned this right. since I'm 21 years older than you what the fuck are you doing because you're both very funny but in three months you're going to be my age you got to wake up you got to wake the fuck up you know

like what are you doing you ask yourself that what are you doing? Yeah it's a bummer Do you have a do you have a Is there a point where you're heading? Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah dude I fucking yes man I don't understand why people don't see this

I don't get it I don't understand what they want either Right like I don't think they Like I have goals dude I have legit goals that I know what I want specifically. But the thing I say, like, you know, sometimes I'll do fan questions at my shows and someone go, what's the most surprising thing about Delio or you or Rogan or Diaz or Theo or so and, and, you know, people see Chris, you know, you're silly and all that.

I'm like, you realize Chris works harder than anyone I know. He's at the comedy store every single night. He's not. Never does it. You're doing, you do comedy. And he doesn't do drugs. Every day. You do it seven days a week, don't you?

Yeah. You do. Yeah. Unless I... Because you're autistic. I mean, I'll do respect. No, I know. Yeah.

No, I do. I'll tell you, like, I don't, if I don't, if I don't, if I don't, if I don't, I just got back from Canada. And I, and I'm exhausted. I'm thinking, I got to take a week off. And then Monday rolls around and then I call in my fucking spots. Yeah. It's just, I'm not, I'm not, because I know if I don't do that on Tuesday night, I'm just

going to be like this. Right. What am I going to, what am I going to watch? What am I going to watch a fucking show on TV? And see, that's another thing, dude, that's how I get material is like, I'll go, I'll keep going, I'll keep going, I'll do the same material, I get so fucking bored of it. And then I just start talking about something else. That's right. You know, because I'm too, I'm too, I'm not going to sit down and write.

You have a, you are, you are a bit on the spectrum, like, in, in a good point, but I mean, like, you are, I know, I know you're not talking to. Well, maybe a obsessive workaholic, he's, yeah, he can, he, you have, it's an interesting thing with you. Like, you've always been that way. Like, your brother told me that the only thing you were interested in, you're, the only, the only, only thing is being funny. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, man, that's the fucking goddamn truth, man. Yeah. That's all I ever

wanted, man. That's all I wanted. He goes, he only lived to make people laugh. That's it. And since he said since day one, the fuck that is. Since day one. But aren't you like that, though? Yeah, of course. Yeah. What, that's all we do. Yeah. All we do is, all we do is, all we do on his text is that way.

I don't, I don't, like, and even when you start talking about serious shit, yeah. Like, you, like, how often, when we talk, the three of us or whatever or we talked on the phone the other day you get serious for three minutes and then it's back the then it's because you're a failure to each other you know like no no don't say that it's too serious yeah it's also everyone else i talked you can't really joke like that well well you don't have that place everything's so serious not to be a cock but you know what i think it is dude a fucking wavelength man that just people you're either

on or you're not it's a frequency that's a hundred percent you know you see these you see these You see these Instagram people trying to do funny videos, and they're just seeing what, oh, this is what it's like to be a funny person. You're not a funny person. You're in your fucking kitchen. That's all you are. And you're like, let's make a video. No, it has to fucking speak to you. Take it easy.

It doesn't speak to you, dude. All right, man. You're someone. All right. That's what you are. You put on his shirt. You put pants on. That's what you do.

Okay. You don't fucking hit the same frequency, man. All right, man. You don't hit the frequency. Hey, dude. And if you don't hit the frequency. Oh, my God. Man, you sound like an angry stressor Stallone.

If you don't hit the frequency, man. And I don't do that a lot. You know, I don't do that shit. You just lost your hand to the person. Have you ever seen that, like, meat head who goes on those rants about... Oh, he's great. Oh, my. That's the greatest.

He's the greatest. Have you seen that guy? Yes. The guy who wears the bandana over his eyes? He's like, I saw people waiting in line. And they're waiting for an eye. I'm talking myself, you fucking pussies, you wait for an iPhone, they're all the fucking safe.

And he's like red, his veins are sticking out. You know what I'm talking about him? Oh my God, he's classic. He's so agro. He's amazing. Well, you get some current events, Jim. I do. So we're not going to find it.

Let's do some current events. Current events with Brian the King Callum. The King? I know. I know. I literally could not do it. I was like, I can't watch it. And I'm not saying people shouldn't do it.

No, because I eat crap. Yeah. I'm not saying people should. shouldn't do it. Eat. Shoot your food. Eat it. Uh, I'll just, plants, plants don't run. I grab them and eat them. Yeah, I'm with Chris on this. I'll just be, I'll just be carrot boy. That's why you, I would go hunt and you would stay behind and you would mash with a bubble butt. No, dude. I'll tell you what I would do. You know, I would be doing. You mash the mess. I would go. You draw water from the well. No. And you'd have my food. You would go out. You would go hunt. How about this? And you'd present me

with it with a, there'd be a big, there'd be a big welcoming back party. You'd have a dress on and go, That's actually not what would be happening You know what would be happening Well, you were out hunting I would be up in your girl's guts Oh wow How about that? Oh my

Leaving it in Oh Leaving it in My God And then guess what And making me raise your child Raise my kid Wow

You're cuckolding Why does he look like Oh, all right well You're cuckled That's you in three years Oh well Okay And I got to go back out and hunt

Yeah, okay. Anyway, I'm your dad. That's you. And go hunt more. Ah, you are so awful. You know what? You're a ghastly human being. And leave it in.

I know what I am, bro? What? Sneaky. That's what everybody needs to know. Chris sneaky to leave. What else do you get, Chin? Jesus Christ. So Trump's administration.

Wait, did I tell you what Trump does? Do you know what Trump does? What's that? Like what his people have said he does. What? Trump gets off on betting his friends' wives. Oh, I know, I know, yeah. And so what he's acting like he's the fucking, you didn't tell people this.

No, but what he'll do. Did I tell you what Trump does? He fucking ran for president, huh? But do you know how he does it? Like he's breaking news? You're going to tell me about when he was on the phone with the fucking thing? Yeah, tell me. He gets you, he gets his, he gets the wife on speakerphone says, hold on, he's coming in,

just quiet. He gets you to start talking about the girl, your side pieces or your girls that you fool around with. And then she's like, that son of a bitch. And he's like, come on, we'll talk about. it and then he has sex with it. Do you understand that? He's such a beast.

That kind of guy is a wist. I think it's in that book. You fucking bitch-ass motherfucker. Wow, what a bitch movie. That's the worst kind of guy. A lot of people have said that he does that. It's in a book. It's in a fucking tell-o-old book.

And then he fucks your girl? Imagine him fucking you. Wow. What a terrible person? You know what? You know what? Every time I see a guy like that, every time I hear about some shit like that, I think about like, ah, man, he was, he's such a dork growing up.

Just a tool. Just a dork. A complete dork in polos, in those short shorts and the fucking just dick. Go fucking run around. Go fucking. It's supposed to be hard to get laid. You're not taking backdoor sneaky ways. Yeah.

You do the straight and arrow. And it's fucking hard. Yep. It's like hunting. Exactly. You're not fucking. You should pop pop. You don't fucking.

He's a vegetarian. He's a fucking. Well, if he's doing that, he's a mark-ass bitch. Trump is. I agree. God, that's a bitch move. I didn't know that. Yeah.

I couldn't believe it either. What else you got, Jen? This is just a quick one. So I guess his administration is proposing a new system instead of food stamps, they'll give you boxes. Pre-packaged boxes, kind of like Blue Apron style. With food? Yeah, but it'll be like canned foods. Like shitty food?

Not fresh foods. How do you know what everyone likes and shit, though? That's another thing. That's why you get food stamps on the freedom to go out and do their shit, man. So, yeah, that's the thing. They're taking away some of their dignity. Even though it sucks to be. be poor and have food stamps, you can actually pick

whatever you want. Right, right, right. They're like, not eat this shit. That sucks, man. They're like, it's a candle. That's a bummer. So that was proposed yesterday. Uh, check this out. I'm fucking funny, huh, man? All right. You laugh at my stuff, right? Let's take it easy, though. Couple who quit jobs and stole belongings

to sail around the world, do everything is both capsized. They say for two years, and they quit their jobs, and it's sunk in a few days. We say you have that pug and ginger hair. Yeah, they save their dog. That sucks. Fuck. It would be great if the boat sank, but they saw that dog out in the water. They'd be like, oh, at least we get a dog. God, that is such a bummer.

Also, I would never. But also, don't do that. But also, don't do that. Yeah, it's true, don't do that. But also, if that's your passion, though, and that's what you want to do. Maybe you have some savings. Yeah, I guess, yeah. Because also, after you sail around the world, you come back to nothing.

Right, right, right. God, man. I think they're not like experts either, though. They just wanted to do it. He said, I sold everything. I had to do this. But I also lost everything in a matter of 20. minutes yeah that's amazing oh he's only 26 yeah that's true you'll figure it out you'll figure it

also it's just bad planning too did they were they not experts it wasn't was it was it a sailboat no sailboat yeah what yep and they don't know sailing they don't know well that's hard sailing is like not easy no no uh no it's not sailing is and those you know uh sam sheridan who did has crossed the pacific and the atlantic a bunch of times my buddy said, um, you can get caught in storms that last 72 hours. Did you have a friend Sam, no shit? Oh. Do you tell them no shit?

I mean, that, you imagine being out in the middle of the ocean with a, with a storm, like a hurricane, and you're, you're, you're bouncing around like a cork with massive waves. Terrible. Oh, nothing scary than, a big wave. Oh, my God. A big wave just and you, you know what I would do? You know what I would do? You know what I would do?

No. First of all, no, there's nothing scary than ocean. You know why? We don't know what about space, sir. And it's eight miles. Deep. You know what's in there? Outer space. Outer space. That's outer fucking space. And let me tell you something. Under space. Yeah, true. But it dumps. Yeah. So if the fucking. Yeah. But that was good. All right. And so if you're taking. Hey. Hey. All right. All right. That's a good. That's a good impression of me. But don't do that. That's a good impression me. But don't do that. So look. So look. You're out here. And you see this shit. Oh, my God. Oh my God. Like perfect storm? Like perfect storm? Black wave. It's not blue. bro it's not blue no it's black because it's not the absence of light and it fucking absence of light crushing down on you and you don't even see it in front of you you see it over you

it's a building it's behind you before it's it's a building check this out bro bring up some waves like now check this out though check this out dude you know what i'm doing if i see that i have all my faculties with me i'm pissing myself on purpose to be dramatic and whenever i got my hand i purposely go, oh, and I drop it, because I'm going to pretend I'm in a movie, and I want to be dramatic. And then that's how you want to die. That's how I want to die. Look at his watch this. The lead in the movie. This is a

huge yacht. Well, those waves are going down. No, okay, watch it. Now, let's go this way. Let's go this way. And then, oh, because you go all the way that right there. No, no, you're surfing buildings, basically. They're the size of giant skyscrapers.

Oh, good. Here we go. There you go. That's a mountain. There's Mount Everest. This would be the noise as we would be making it forward to the boat. There we go. There you go.

Put down the camera. Did they go under water? Are they dead? But these are super, super tall boats, so the fact that the waves are that higher, enormous. This is me on a family vacation. There should be better ones. Jesus Christ. The sea is terrifying.

But it's terrible. It's terrible. It's really far. Why are you speaking French, bro? Sorry, man. I'm in the French lately. You just kind of go in and out of it. We've excluded tsunamis.

That's crazy. Look at that. If you fall, it's game over. They want to do it so bad. That's the thing. Look at this. These are the crab boats, right? Those guys make good money.

I don't know why I speak in French, bro. I'm trying to be fucking nuts. Because look at the sea, I'm saying. I know, but it's not in France. Because we have French spans. We don't. We don't. No, we do.

We don't. This isn't available in France. It's actually one of the only location to get it, yeah. On YouTube or what? Well, YouTube is worldwide. We have a fanatic. Yeah, but different country. So why? Why?

I don't know I made that up. We have, we have those videos. What else you got? How about this one? This giant boar in Hong Kong. What? Going through a trash bin. Look at how strong that boar is.

Oh, hold up. You mean bebop and rock study from turtles? That's the Ninja Turtle. Yeah, that's the tiny clip, but that Shredder's boys. Holy fuck. Dude. That thing got in some toxic ways. Who would only take four seconds of that?

I know. I know. No, real. What's the dick's like, ah, we got it. That's a badass animal, though. I mean, you got to shoot that. Oh, yeah. You got to ride them.

No, you got to ride them. Yeah, you got to ride them. You ever seen the boy that killed the, just the dude because the dude was walking? No. Yeah. That is such a badass animal. What'd they do with it? I just kept going.

How the first? If I can even dub it, Pigzilla. Get a little creative, Hong Kong. That's Bebop and Rocksteady, you fucks. It's pretty big. Bebop and rock steady. You know what I realized, dude, if you go like this, it's like you're sucking a dick. Chris, that's so juvenile, man.

It's not that funny. Grow up, man, you're running out of funny, huh? Hurry up. Quick MMA one. Malky College, John Jones's manager. He said that if the Usada is respectable with all the investigations they're doing, John Jones should be able to fight within this year. but he got caught like three times

like they'll have enough information to you know what do you call it I hope they're right I hope he fights that's what he says he's super confident but when he says that if they're respectable that doesn't he's saying that they have all the facts there's a process of yeah so

they're that's how strong they feel about this case with all their facts that they have so yeah but he's also his agent he failed my agent also thinks on the next rock he's full of shit so he should be out what he should be out if he failed twice right well this will this be his third offense but the thing is is

it's kind of, it's a tough one because there is evidence that he didn't purposely take it. Oh. Oh. Didn't know that. Don't you're wrong. He's into some shit, but they think it could be laced from the cocaine he was doing, stuff like that. Oh, shit. Not actually steroids. And he actually, in Novits, he actually admits he took it unknowingly. So that's going to help you. Yeah.

But even unknowingly, if it's the second time, you should, I can't imagine only being out for like a year or two. He's been out for a while now. Oh, yeah, that's true. It's been out. It's retroactive, too. So remember, you didn't even find at UFC 200. Yeah. His last fight was against, well,

the D.C. where he knocked them out. Damn, that is a long time ago. Yeah. How long ago is that? There should be cage matches where you just do arguments.

You're talking about a courtroom. You're talking about a courtroom. God damn it. You can't be daddy when you refer to the ocean as space. Oh, it's outer space. Under space. That wasn't that long ago then.

July 2017. Yeah, it wasn't that long ago. Wow. I remember it happened in like a yesterday. remember exactly I'm thinking of the first No, he doesn't do what he wants

No, I'm saying I'm in the octagon Oh Not even that God damn Beats the shit out of everybody Well, if he's on fucking Whatever

Yeah, that's sketchy man I don't know I hope he's back to 18 They could use them It's trippy You know, I don't give a fuck Just get him back in

Yeah I kind of do you Why? Because it's entertaining I just don't give a fuck Everyone's on shit Who cares? He's dumb enough to get caught

Just let him do it Right What else you got? kids in Utah and elementary school in Utah they can't say no on Valentine's Day for the dance that's like sixth grade

so this school enacted a policy where they can't say no to people that are asking them to dance so fucking weird it's kind of cool though because if you know you can't miss those fat kids who get bullied are really and take some shots now that's kind of cool though you remember those sixth grade dancer who just pinned

against the wall terrified with your buddies like you got all dressed up they play the music if I was on that school And I couldn't say no, I just like, yeah, I go, fine, that's how I would answer. It's so true. Yeah, it's kind of good nature. It might be like, you can't say no, they got to dance. It's just trying to way of getting everybody out there.

But it's also the, you know, the inverted kids are, you know, the kids who are shy. If you say, no, you're not going to get in trouble at that school. That's just. I'll say, well, it's tough to get girls to dance, man. And I went to predominantly black school. So that, that dance floor was a pop. Yeah. Was a pop.

It was right. That's how you got. You went mostly all black schools? Yes. And that's fucking. It must be why it has so much rhythm, to be honest. Correct. Correct. And that's why I hate Whitey's.

What? You hate Whitey's? No. Did I dance? Not a ton, but I was forced to. Yeah. What else you got, Chin? I got one more.

How about the Levar Ball thing where he said that? Lonzo won't resign with the Lakers. His kids are the same person in disguise. I don't give a fuck. They fucking dress like one person. Exactly the same. Anyway. What are you saying, though, Chin?

Levar Ball, the dad said that Lonzo, the guy that's in the Lakers, he won't resign with the Lakers. unless the two brothers get signed with the lake. Yeah, he's just, he's delusional. Are they all great? The Lakers don't give a fuck. No, they're not all.

The Lakers. It's not fucking Costco. Who gives a shit? It's not the YMCA. The older one who was draft number two and the draft is actually legit. The other two aren't going to make to the NBA. The little ones like kind,

they think he might be able to, but they're not shit. The other one's not shit. Yeah, he's 14. But the Lakers don't work like that. They're like, what? Okay, get the fuck out of here. We don't care.

Yeah. We have enough. Kaepern where you get LeBron James? You ever heard of him? Yeah. Guamie Leonard? You ever heard of him? Who is that?

Like. Son James? Hassan James. Is it Hassan James? Who, so the one in the middle is a 14-year-old. The far left one's the baller. He's really legit. If he didn't have so much pressure for him, his dad, he'd probably win rookie

of the year. Really? His dad's fucking it up for him, to be honest. His dad's done a great job, get him there, but his dad just won't get out of the way. Like the Lakers and the rest of the league can't stand the father. They've actually banned him from the post-interested. reviews and stuff. Jesus.

Just, yeah. Just stop, though. Like, he's there, man. He's putting so much pressure on his kid. His kid did just come out with a new rap out. Yeah, I heard about that. Stop. Stop.

Play basketball. Don't do that. Which one came out with it? The one on the Lakers. That damn it. Do you listen? So he's on the Lakers and he's rapping. Interesting.

What about the, so the middle one is not going to, he's just not going to make it in the end. Chance of both, any of anyone else making, it's not good. I'm going to try out for Lakers. You should, bro. They have open practice. Yeah, they have like that movie Invincible. Like, be that guy. Is that it, Chin?

This is Olympics. I don't know if you care about this one. A little girl, Chloe Kim. Uh-huh. She's apparently destroying the competition. She won gold mill and half pipe. She's super young, too. Yeah, snowboarding.

The American girl, right? Yeah. Yeah, she's crushing it. How old is she? 17. 75. That's so insane. But she's destroying.

There's, like, no competition for her right now. Does you pay any attention in the Olympics? Yeah, I told you, I looked at curling and shit Well, you just watch curling Like I'd give a fuck, dude We got a sock to those, bro, before you get the fuck out of there They're terrible.

Stance. You have the worst, You have the worst outfit on, for real. No, but for real. You don't get it. You know, mustard, shitpants. Well, that'd be tan. They're tan, you fucking color.

You a dog? And they're the worst, and they're the worst socks. No, they're not, honestly. They're fucking beautiful, dude. They're just terrible. I look good, bro. No, you don't.

He doesn't get it, right? He has no idea. No, honestly, man. you have a bad fashion sense. Okay, I'm a fashion blocker. Look at these fucking shoes. Don't, Brandon! No!

Not to my cell, but classics. Why are they so tight? Because I'm using my feet. Fuck those, man. Yeah, dude. That fucking stupid shit. I was sick of those stupid. I wore that shoes.

I wore that shit and he was great. Huh? What's with these beds? You shit fucking idiot. It's a chair. Listen, Chris, I want to say fuck you. Let's wrap this shit up, man. You're not invited on the podcast anymore.

We'll see if you get guests here, all right? I appreciate. this stuff. You know what all this is? Just for guests a year. And you're not honey-dicking us, all right? But I appreciate it, man. I'm an elder. I'm wearing this with pride. You're my first friends that are elders. All right, well, I take that serious, man. You know, we're going to frame these and put these up in here.

Cool. I like that. I like that idea. Hey, Brian, we're almost done with the show. Can you wait? Can you be a professional? You have so much disrespect for your friend here. He brings you this and you're texting. I apologize. Trying to end this. Listen, don't join Chris's call. Go to Chris's tour. Don't see him on tour. Follow the leader. If you would like, you go see him. He's the bus and truck version of me at the end of the day, and that's fine. Bus and truck.

Yeah. Yeah. That's saying is like old as shit. By the way. You should see the reference he gave me yesterday. Oh, man. God. Can you get younger?

Nope. Is there any way? I'll tell you what, man. Nope. I'm wise. Listen to my podcast, bro. Oh, come on. Congratulations.

About what happened to Chris that day. No, dude. It's about everything. Stop. Well, what do you guys talk about. That's what he said. News and shit. I do that too.

You don't know anything about the news. Bull shit. Give us some perspective on it. They can get your tickets at weird. Or at Brian Callan.com. No, you can't get my tickets there. If you're a fan of mine, don't go to Brian's show. That's what I'm asking.

Wow. You can't say that. That's powerful, man. Do not go. Chris. Go with signs that say, we love Chris. Come see me this weekend. Actually, this Wednesday at the 10 p.m.

And I'll tell you what. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, tomorrow. Thursday, Friday, Saturday at Stand Up Live in Phoenix. And I'll tell you what, if you're a fan of mine and you're in the Phoenix area, don't go. Chris. That's not nice, Chris. You can't. Chris, what you go for Valentine's Day?

Oh, fucking, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to jerk off and watch infomercials. I'll tell you what. You know what Brian's going to do? Dude, this is what I'm going to ask about Brian. Hey, Brian, how many tickets are left in, for your Phoenix shows? $40,000. Hey, can we get a promo code?

there's 40,000 tickets left you don't need one go on group dude hey croup on hashtag free tics no no go see brian

go see chris's new tour next week I'm in lohoya comedy store Friday night Saturday night only then after that I'm in I'm in Florida kind of around the same time as you I'm in Florida at the end of March

we're in Florida Tampa Palm Beach Orlando boom boom boom boom get tickets now for myself Brian Callant TVAC com go see chris delia daddy in the house this is the fine kid with daddy we're out