The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 367 Theo Von

Episode Date: November 30, 2025

Theo Von guest hosts with Brendan and the guys talk Joey Diaz, Rat King fame, Redbox dangers, men in heels, Little People Big World, Dog the Bounty Hunter's resemblance to Theo and Beth's boobs, tall girlfriends, toad eyes, doing errands in dreams, concussion stories, cocky interventionists, afterlife insurance, playing slot machines, quitting Kratom, Kratom crawfish and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What's happening, little cratum demons? What's happening? Brian Callan is gone playing grab ass in Hollywood. So Theo Vaughn is filling in today. The Rat King and the Beast thing, y'all. Enjoy this episode with Theo Vaughn. A couple of comedy dates coming up next Friday, June 15th. I'm at the Ice House.

That bad boy is almost sold out. Get your tickets now if you're listening to this, Tfatk.com. After that, I'm in here. Houston, Houston Improv, four shows, Friday, Saturday, June 22nd through the 23rd at Houston Improv. After that, July 7th, I'm in Oklahoma Cherokee Casino, Solem Springs, or something like that. Cherokee Casino, July 7th, one show, one night only. It is the same night as the big UFC fight card. So I'm going to do my stand-up.

Then I will stay and watch the fights with you guys. So that will be July 7th. and that bad boy is selling out quickly as well. And after that, I'm in Spokane, Washington. T-FatK.com for all those tickets. Get them. Enjoy the Rat King and the Beesting. Not many men.

Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised.

I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight club, fight club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. A couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield.

And now from the Onet Studios in Pliya, Vista, California, it is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. We're not live. We don't do live.

And now it's the fighter and the kid live. It's not like, this is not live. It's not live. We're up. We're up. Ah, yeah, it's the B-sting king and the rat king. Beasting, right? Yeah, dude.

Be sting king and the rat king. Oh, look, I'm walking at, I'm by 7-Eleven the other day, you know? Just mine and my business kind of just kind of seeing what was happening in the area. In 7-Eleven, huh? No, outside of it. Oh, word. Dude, nothing good happens. None of the fun stuff I don't feel like

Ever happens inside of the 7-11 Never, unless you're by the slurpery machine They get a little tricky Yeah, and you might catch a blowjob You know, somebody who doesn't know how a slurby machine works Yes So I'm out there I end up in the

I'm outside in the parking lot And there's a man, a ginger, tall ginger And he's walking by with his child He's a child Another same ginger or no? No, the child looked a little darker I thought, you know And I've mixed a lot of things in my life.

I don't know if I ever go ginger and urban, you know? Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean, that's, it's not, there's nothing wrong with it, you know. It's rare, though. Oh, you're going to be able to dunk, you know, but it's going to, I mean. You get a Blake Griffin is what you get. Yeah, you get a Blake Griffin, but you also could get a, you know. You get a potato, too, though.

Yeah, you can get a potato, too. Yeah, you could get an eggplant. Yeah, you get that red-headed eggplant. Yeah, you don't know what. Nobody likes. Yeah, dude, you might get a stuffed animal. You know, you never know. So that's that risk, you know.

But what happened was, so I'm walking across, I'm outside of the 7-Eleven, and this dude yells out, Red King! Right? And, bro, the crazy part was there's two other homeless dudes outside the 7-Eleven. So did they think that he was referring to this? Yes. And did the bump go gang-gang? One of them looked.

And put his hand in here, you know. Yeah, Rat King, baby. You know I eat them rats. So I didn't know who this guy was just. So for a second, I don't know who he's talking to, you know. It took you a while to register it. Oh, and then he drags his kid over. The kid is wearing a Brazilian jiu-jitsu outfit, right?

And I don't know if it's- Called a Gia. Yeah. The kid was wearing a Gia. And they walk him over, and the kid is screaming, crying, like, does not. He's scared of the Rat King. So, I mean, he's probably scared of me. He's scared of the real ratting you.

Oh, he scared of the other rat kings in training, boy. He's scared of the Tommy. He's scared that his dad is dragging him through a 7-Eleven parking lot, you know, while he's wearing basically a Japanese man's dress is what that thing is. And so, anyway, the dude hits me up in the parking lot. He's like, oh, rat king. And he's like, ah, I love you, man. His kid is crying.

And his kid starts using whatever jiu-jitsu moves are on him, like on his leg, right? Just totally. The dad doesn't give a fuck. Oh, the dad isn't you. Fuck, dude. You can tell them. He's trying to get a glimpse of the real rat king. Oh, gee.

You can tell he's going to beat the son at the house, you know? Yeah, as soon as you get out. You embarrassed me in front of the rat king like that. Little motherfucking. So that was wild, man. You were just chilling out front of the 7-Eleven, though. Yeah, I was out there. Were you looking for trouble or you're just kind of chilling?

No, I just like to see who's in the neighborhood, man. We have a lot, like, at our 7-Eleven, they got a lot of, it's a lot of pimps come by out with escorts. You got a red box out there. You know. They sit down the red box? Yeah. Who uses those things still?

I think, honestly, women that want to get, or, you know, who want to risk getting raped, I think. Because basically think about it, you're a woman, you turn your back to the entire world. And it takes a hot second to get that DVD out. Then you've got to bend over to get the DVD out. And it's a dollar. It's a dollar. You're putting your credit card info. They don't have the new hotness there either because that red box is sitting there for a minute, you know?

Oh, definitely. One of them, um, yeah, it's like. Like, I don't even know if it has movies in it. I think you just play songs. Like, it's oldest fuck, bro. Oh, you're talking about a jukebox, bro? I think red bugs. That's a jukebox, son.

Well, that, like, they had a, um, one of them, I think a homeless dude just lives inside of it. And he'll reenact the film that you want to, you want to rent. He's trying to shuffle through these random ass DVDs. Which one you say? I can't find it. Anything else? I'll give you a little Nemo and a family man. Just take that.

Just as good as the new Avengers. Yeah. You're fresh off the plane from Vegas Yeah You went out to see our boy Joy Dia shoot his Netflix special I saw him, dude It was pretty cool 30 minutes of heat

Yeah Who opened up for him Because I opened up for him at the ice house When he was gonna run a set the week before Oh yeah that's right I had that video actually At my house I haven't even watched it I haven't watched yours I watched his

Oh dope And he was saying He's like yeah it's all It all depends too I need someone to open up Who just brings fucking fire Because 30 minutes you got a pack and a shit love of it.

I'm guessing. I think it was Dean Del Rey. Because I didn't see Dean, or it could have been Kate. It might have been Kate Quigley, but I think it was Dean Del Rey. You know, because Dean definitely... He's a good dude. Yeah, Dean's a nice guy. I mean, he definitely throws a lot of...

I mean, he'll, you know, he'll get people laughing. Oh, he's been doing it for a while. Yeah. So... Dean's 70 or 80, I think. He's been doing it a hot minute. God, dude, if he's not. Whenever I see him, we just talk Porsches.

Oh, he knows about Porsces? He knows about everything. He knows about everything. He knows everything, man. he uh yeah i guess he's selling his porch wow to pay for his throat cancer have you heard his uh he's got the wildest throat he's they say he's selling to buy house oh really yeah wow smart move he is a dope ass portia uh yeah man nice guy though and knows all like the rock and roll legends but i think he opened up and then how joey was just on fire yeah man he did good i think you know he

probably uh you know i think he wanted to get it right you know i mean he was just and then the second shot, I couldn't tell if he was stoned, you know, if he smoked or was party, you know, like, did he seven death stars or something like that? I can't, I don't know how he functions. Me need, he's the only, there must be nobody else in his class in his, you know, oh, yeah, Rogan says, like, the weight class when it comes to drugs. No, they say when he takes, like, those edibles, like, most people would knock out, he's functional. Oh, he's the bus.

I think he's going to start doing some rhinoceros tranquilizer, some sort of elephant sleep aid or some shit. I don't know what else he's going to do. Yeah. So his first one, he wasn't as high. Well, he only got to shoot two or just one? He got to shoot two. Back to back? Well, one.

And then, yeah, you do. It's like two different crowds. They move the crowd in and out. Like, I show up, no joke. I show up. And they had, um, some dude had just passed out out front, like he was out front in the line. Some tall white dude went down. Dehydrated probably.

Something are just dumb as fuck, you know, because some people these days are dropping just from being ignorant. That's true. You know? But he was out in that fucking Vegas heat? That's what I thought too. He's like, oh, this guy's out here, yeah, tall, really pale, probably didn't go out much. Nope. Probably didn't know what the elements are like.

Nope. Stayed outside a little two walk in the strip. Yeah. Went to Eminem playground, where the fuck it is. Got dehydrated. Yeah. And came to see Joey Diaz, got a little too excited. Yeah. Pass the fuck out. Too keyed up, too looped up on his own, you know, hopes and dreams. What time was it at?

He went down and he had a black friend with him. And what the black friend do? I think he jetted. I think they thought he was going to, he did it. So that dude was gone. So next thing you know, I'm over there like trying to help and they, you know, they had IVs come, they had ambulance. Get him out of mouth to mouth?

Do you think about it? No, I wasn't going to, honestly. Even if you were struggling? I'll give a little dude mouth to mouth. I'm not giving a tall dude mouth to mouth to mouth. Why that tall? I don't know, man. It just feels wrong if he's taller.

It's fucked up, man. well i mean i love you know i have some friends i guess that are pretty tall we're friends i'm tall way how tall are you you're not short i'm on i'm like about five eleven and a half you know that's not short you're taller in calin am i really yeah how tall is he calum's probably five ten and a half he moves so fast you can't really he does on purpose oh yeah also wear heels sometimes oh really we had this dude in our neighborhood growing up named herbie that oh where these heels do that his own family made them and they were like three maybe four maybe four maybe four

inches high, right, full shoe heel. Do six, one? Oh, dude, look. And then he would comb his hair straight up. So he was like a small person. Just, a book ended between just fucking things God didn't give him, you know? Why would he do? How old was he?

Uh, he might have been anywhere. We were kids. He could have been anywhere from 20 to 40, you know? God, I feel, yeah, don't do that. Dude, he was, just rocked your height, man. Yeah, probably he couldn't. And his grandparents were tall and were little and they fucked and that's what happens you know you can't yeah you get them shitty genetics oh his grandmother i don't even know

she might have been three and a half feet tall she's busted she wasn't a little person either she was like a little person but but like with giganticism you know i'm talking about you ever see a little person just rocking that cusp like they fucking yeah like they're the big little person yeah yeah where they don't have that fat ass yeah yeah yes yeah like they look normal just really small yeah yeah yeah like not a real little person Yeah, but little people are all little people have fat asses. They do. PH fat, not like,

no, oh yeah. Muscled ass is up. I'm talking Detroit. I'm talking muscle ass. Pinfield. I'm talking Penfield, New York. I'm talking T-Pain video ass.

You know what I'm saying? All of them have it. Yeah, they all have that ass like you set your screen on the wrong ratio. What's that called? The zoom, where it like a zoom out and just goes, boom. Oh, that letter box. Like you put it on that letter box.

I mean, why Chin got to do that? How the fuck would you Google the seven dwarfs? I mean, now it's just ignorant. I just put a little people in. And those are senior citizen dwarfs, which doesn't even really happen. That's a crazy part. See, that's how you know it's a myth.

That's like Brad Williams is probably going to die soon and nobody's really talking about it. They don't live long. Yeah. They have a shorter lifespan, you know? That's wild, man. And you know, some can have kids and then the kid is born regular size. Like, there's that show, Little People, Big World.

Oh, I used to love that show, man. Yeah, me too. Dude, the roll off. They got a divorce. Yeah, yeah, because the guy I think we wanted to do his own thing She's trying to fuck Yeah, I think the fame hit him

He started getting with other hose Regular-sized hose Yeah Once you get a taste of that regular life You don't want to go back And then the, but then the The wife seems like a bitch She seems like she did not want any of that

And she just wanted to be a mom She runs the ranch Yeah And he had to dip out And he has a side piece now And they live in the little Sidepiece like hut in the back yeah i promise

they live on the same land are you fucking peeping tom yeah dog they live on the same like a giant if you show up over there they must see you in the woods eating berries and stuff we're like damn

we got an ogre on the south pass yeah yeah yeah yeah with that mom she took everything well you know what i always got strong minded yes I always got the vibe from her

that she was a good mom she just wanted to like raise the kids and then he came in with all you know he always had big ideas he was always trying to build like a oh something yeah he wanted to build a fucking civil war battlefield or something in the yard yeah can't ever chill yeah yeah he was exhausting oh he was fucking exhausting on the show can you imagine having around your house just a little guy running up to you all the time want to build a fucking water slide in your kitchen smells like cabbage and shit yeah i don't trust him that you mentioned i see the pigs i don't trust him at all yeah i don't trust that guy

Matt Roloff. Yep. Yeah, they have a son. He looks German, I think. Yeah, he definitely does. They have a son and he's just regular-ass size. Yeah, they got a son and daughter, and they got the boy, Zach, is one of them.

Oh, shit, you know, your little people big role. Is Matt one of them? Jeremy, I think,'s the older brother. Hey, Ontario, come on down to BetMGM Casino and check out our newest exclusive. The Price is Right Fortune Pick. Don't miss out. Play exciting casino games based on the iconic game show.

Only at BetMGM. Access to the Price is Right Fortune Pick is only available at BedMGM Casino. BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. 19 plus to wager, Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1866-531-2,600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BEDMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario.

You know, like, he believed they were selling pumpkins, dude, the biggest fucking vegetable in the world? They were selling pumpkins? Yeah. God, that's strange. Bro, how fucking... They're bawling, though. Like, they had a shitload of land. Oh, yeah.

And they have a huge farm out there. That's an Oregon. And that's, um, people come out to get their pumpkins. But a man, that right there must have pissed their wife off. You're a little person. The man runs in the kitchen one day and says, I know pumpkin farm. And she's like, bitch, we know, heavy those are? You mean like the miniature pumpkins?

Like this one, nah, no, we go on big pumpkins. He's exhausting. He's fucking exhausting. And then he's on crutches. He don't have to do any of the work. He does none of the work. He goes around in that John Deere track that one else. is on foot.

You know, he's a bitch. He's an asshole. Yeah, and I think of it. That guy, look at him. There's the whole family carrying pumpkins and he's on his crutches.

Yeah, that guy's insane, dude. That mom's quadded up, though. Oh, yeah, she's got that ass, boy, she's got that 3-4 ratio or whatever that is at the screen. 34-28-34. Yeah, I don't know. I think that's just like 34-34-34-34.

Only if she's too. nine, dun, dun, dun, but look at him. He's like the fucking roll of quarters.

Yeah, it's like a roll of quarters. Just, just one chain. What a fucking chain? Damn, did we, yeah,

it really is, dude, what an asshole. Yeah, he's an asshole. We went hard in the pain on small people,

but. But not really, though. Yeah, I celebrate him. There's a lot of great ones that I'll tell you about the first time

I've met Brad Williams. He's been on here, on the comedian. Yeah, I love Brad. Has Brad been on it? No, his boy has been on here. Nick.

Nicky? No, no, no. Has Brad been on your chair? Is that dude, little Jeremy? In Theo Studio now, I think he was with us once. Yeah, Brad was on here because he's talking about all the crazy shit he and his girl. They're little swusings. They're swingers.

Oh, yeah, they're swingers. His boy Adam Ray was on here, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, who he does the podcast with. Yep. Do they still do it? I'm not sure if they still do it, but I know that Brad, first time I ever saw him, dude, I was at USC, right? I don't even know what I was doing there. You didn't go to school there?

Uh-uh. What you're doing on campus? probably fucking, you know. Perving out. Did you have that hair? Definitely. No, they won't let you on campus, though. No, no, dude.

But the good thing is... It's getting longer in the back, too. Yeah. I'm not mad at it. Dude, and I had to get my back waxing the other day. Some of my top hair got caught up in some of my back hair. And that's called the Holy Grail. Yeah.

When that happens, dude, you can... Or the redneck tuxedo. Oh, dude, you can hear. That's that fucking redneck taint right there. That's that... The redneck rat tail. That's that country taint. So, it's that...

Anyway, so you met Brad on USC? He comes up on a little mini motorcycle. The first time I'd ever, A, seen a little person on like a speed wheeler, you know, or any type of fast, you know, machinery. And then just zoom right up. And I was like, holy shit, dude. And I knew about him as a comedian. I was like, oh, that's that guy. That's Brad Williams.

It was just crazy, man. He was a superhero. Yeah, it really was, man. But did you guys know of each other or no? I can't remember if we talked in or not. But then in the future, I saw him. um again and uh and i told him about that story he's a cool ass dude but he's yeah he's nice man he's a hard worker too he's a hard worker bro yeah he uh he was supposed to come on the fire

and the kid something happened like we were in studio waiting for him and he just no showed oh wow which is usually like you're for it's a little more lenient on it but i'm he's like all right no more you're done right you stood us up and then uh bryan mentioned that to him like dude chob's a bit of a dick when it comes at stuff, like if you're late or whatever. And so I was, or Brian and I were doing a show together at Brea in the green room. There's a card and there's gift certificates. Oh, from him? Amazon, yeah. He's like, I'm so sorry. It was his publicist messing up. It was in on him. Oh, wow. We're good now. I love Brad. That's cool. Well, that's really nice of them though to do that. Yeah, don't give me an Amazon gift card. Yeah. It was weird.

Yeah? I mean, you can just keep that, you know? Like, I don't know. I don't know what to do Well, it is kind of weird to think that you're on there shopping and he's thinking about you being on lunch shopping. Well, just, to give another grown man a gift card, it was strange to me. Yeah. Or like cash? Like, my bad, man,

here's some cash. You're 60 bucks, dude. I used to do that. I was like a struggling comic going, oh, that makes sense. Thanks, bro. I didn't know. Yeah, I guess that is kind of weird. I was like, I hear me, I feel like you need it. I don't know. But, yes, I got up there to Joey Diaz, and it was great, man.

Joey killed it. Yeah, he killed it. Did you see the other comedian? Because there were six, it was six 30-minute specials, right? Oh, wow. Six people shot. I saw Christina Posiguro's wife. You guys know who that is?

She's hilarious. And then you got Big J. Orkson. Oh, yeah, I saw Big J too, man. I like Big J. Yeah, Big J's a nice guy. I saw him and Christine, his wife. But I didn't see him perform. The only person I saw perform was Joey.

That was it. And you just went there solely to see Joey perform? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man, he's been good to me. Yeah, I feel like we are pretty close. You know, he's, uh, yeah, he's just, you know, he's remarkably supportive. No, I'm good, man.

Okay, I thought you're about to get choked up. No, I got sciatica, bro. Chill, dude. I mean, I got sciatica in my tear ducts, but you, so that shit flares up sometimes, bro. Sometimes daddy melts a little bit, you know? Whatever, son. Get off my fucking glacier, baby. If you can't handle this fucking drip drip, drip, you know

But I love that man Me too He's a good, you know, he's just a special dude He's the good ones He is And it was just cool And yeah, it was just Because it's a crazy night

I can't believe it took this long To get for him to get a Netflix special Because besides that He really He had like a he had a special on CISO or something Doesn't count Right So it's like for a guy of Joey Diaz caliber

It's crazy He never had Showtime or HBO or anything like that It's his industry man. That's why they don't want to It's timing too, right? I don't think it is. I think the industry is just so insular

that they only want to reward certain types of people and that they don't know what good comedy is. But he's so different. You know, so many people are the same, but there's only one, Joey did. The experiences he comes from

they're not going to get anywhere else. No. Like there's a million white comics, a ton of black comics. The Cuban assassin? Yeah. It's unbelievable. Yeah.

how like what more diversity do you want you got a 50 year old cuban this dude swam here his mother died when he was young he went to prison yeah he went to prison stand up in prison yeah started doing stand up in prison you know what i would have done if i was joey well he might obviously it's his experience but i would have done that johnny cash theme and done my stand-up from a prison wow that's what i would and i would have shot in black and white yeah think how epic that would be Joe, you know what, you know how big Joey Diaz in prison systems? Yeah. And you do it there, you set it up and he

would just rock that fucking place. Think of Joey Diaz in a prison. Dude, think of Joey Diaz running a bail bondsman fucking business. Like a reality show? No. No, yeah. Like a reality show. And we work in the back. It's like pawn stars, but he's the leader. Yeah, we just peek out.

And I'm like, oh, what do you guys got? Yeah. And they just gives, the show's getting on my nerves, by the way. Well, quit watching it, bro. It's the same episode. every time. Someone bring something in, they go, oh, God, how much you want for it? 17,000?

I don't know a lot about comic books. You mind chilling out? I'll make a call and I'll bring an expert in. Every, like, fuck, bro. Every episode's the same shit. Yeah, have you guys learned? This is your 19th season. You still don't know anything?

And then I don't need the stupid, dumb fat ones being like, oh, this is a badge from World War II and World War II. And then they break that and it goes off screen and they're like reading this fucking biography. Dude, the best is. Somebody brought in like the spinal like,

oh yeah, this my grandmother's spinal column, you know? Yeah, and it was fucking. And they're all, how much you want

for it? $7. Oh, I don't know how much spinels are going for these days. Got a few

minutes to chill out while I call him my friend. Every show. Every fucking show. I'll tell you what I fucks with. We're all over the place.

I don't give a fuck. I'll tell you all fucks with is a dog the bounty hunter. Oh, yeah. You and him look like, brother.

Oh, dude. Hey, Can you... Is that your dad? No, my fucking dad, dude. Bro, what the fuck are you talking about, dude? Bro. Don't fucking touch me after you're a dick, dude.

They're fucking dick tag. No way, bro. Your dad's talking about it. That just hit me. He dyes his hair, dude. And he has asthma, too, and he uses the N-word. Doesn't he used to it? I mean, so we have a couple things in common, but that's it, bro.

Bro, you guys look I'm deaderic oh Are you shitting me? His wife looks like a fucking Night mirror Oh my god Tits Yeah it's like her stomach just

Fucking hooked to her chest And then Then got a divorce That's what it looks like It looks like when she eats It just goes her titty Yeah Every meal she's ever had

Like her tits Like her tits are taking shit Probably look at that Oh my God Dude It looks like a 50-year-old dude's ass on her chest. That's insane. Don't reach over you, you fucking bloated Italian.

You look like an Italian dude that drowned and then just still lived. How about a zombie? Yeah, you fucking look like a Italian zombie. Bro. Jesus, bro. What's dog the bounty hunter liked us? You look like a Persian dude is staring straight. Dude, do you get any royalties?

You look like a Persian dude on Test 200 that's staring straight into the sun. You can't even open your fucking eyes, dude. Dude, you're out of your mind. I'm about to put quarters in your face, bro. And play your ass. And play your ass. Dude, you look like on a Friday night, you and your dad, dog the bounty hunter, go get a red box and jack off together. Okay.

I'll agree to some of that. She looks. Get some pants for your tits. Can you see this lady's tits, bro? Dude, I just call her tits. The other biggest titties you've ever seen in your life. It's just a head and tits and then two toothpick legs out the bottom. Like if a kid, she looks like a third grade drawing of a fruit.

Like two grapefruit and a stick at the bottom. And fucking eyes. She looks like a drawing of a way perverted kid. It looks like if you asked your four-year-old to fucking draw a troll with tithies. Oh my God. But yeah, you got to get him. the show, dude. He would be awesome.

He would be, dude, you guys call him up for us. What do you mean? You guys, I don't have a bat signal. You know, like I just put a big light with a can of dip in the air and he'll show up. You're out of your mind, bro. Dude, she looks like... Hey, you know I love? He's from where I'm from.

He's from Hawaii, huh? No, he's, that's the thing. He's from Aurora, but he lives in Hawaii. Yeah. Now he's always like, hey, bra. It's like, whoa, we don't talk like that in Denver. But he's been there for, like, like a year or so and he just took over

their language. Really? He got super tan. Yeah, people love him out there, dude. Yeah, didn't he get in trouble or some shit? Yeah, he said the N-word to his daughter on the phone one time. He called her an N-word? No, I was talking about some her boyfriend. Yeah, he said it once. And then got fired?

Yeah. Yeah, I can't have that, can we? Yeah, you can't have it, man. His hair's better than yours, though, man. That's cool with its goals, though. You know what I'm saying? Like, you gotta have goals. You got to have goals. Dude, you know, his wife just grows, hair for him and he fucking hooks it in in the back. Do you also have those glasses?

Like, what the fuck's he doing? We do have the same nose, I think. Dude, you guys are very similar. It just hit me. It is a little similar. We're talking about reality shows, and I love Dog the Bounty Hunter. They replay him on A&E. I watch them nonstop.

Well, then he must be making some money or they are. Residuals? I don't know. I bet at a certain point he probably did have some residuals because it was all based on him. Look at those tits again. Get down to the blue tuts. Dude, go to him with his shirt off. Oh, yeah.

Damn, dog. Damn, that's her. Is it her? Look at his hair. Wow. Dude, I bet. I bet he takes crazy dumps, too, bro. Yeah, I bet he's...

I bet he's shit's out of a window. That guy's insane. Everybody shits in criminals' mouth. That's a shit, man. I bet he swims out of the ocean and just shits into an alligator's mouth, bro. That guy's a wild cat. He's a wild cat. Dude, I...

It's a good show, though, if you haven't seen it. hot second. Look at titties. That's unbelievable. Dog and tits. That's what they should call it. Dog and tits. It should be the new show.

That's what it should be. Because those things are fucking bouncing, dude. If I was a kid, I would never grow up if I had those tits in my mouth. Me ever. Or you'd be like 6-8. I'm just jacked. Just sucking on them tits. At 9 years old, you'd be 6-8.

100%. Those could feed a goddamn village. Just one tit. enough for everybody. Dude, you could put out a fire with milk with those fucking tits, dude. That's insane. I bet she is a savage in the sack. Oh, what sack, bro?

I put that lady in a body bag, dude. I don't know if I could fuck that lady, man. Oh, you could. You get them big old things out, slap in your face. She starts saying, come on, boy. Come on, Theo. Come on, son. Let's do it.

Why does she have a man's voice? That's how she talks. I hope not. And then she has a tits. She's squishing those fat tits, but she has on those black gloves. She always wears the fingerless black gloves and has her nails proper done. Yeah. Nails are real proper.

That's a good point. All the time, their nails are proper. Like that 60-year-old dude at the gym who wears those fishnets. Yeah, she's still rocking that shit. Dude, I used to rock those fish nets when I first started working out. They were dope. Can we see her in the pink right there, Chendiuman? In the pink and he's in the blue?

Yeah. Just a shit shot. Bro, he looks like a little person. They're morphing into the same person. Look at that fucking hair, though. That is beautiful. It's like when they eat, it goes to his stomach and goes to her titties.

Yeah, they have a dual. It's like a bipartisan digestive system. Yeah, it's just one in the same. You know, some people start to look like their dogs. His stomach starting to look like her tits. Yeah. She starts to look like her dog, the bounty hunter. Dude, imagine being a bounty hunter in Hawaii.

First of all, nobody could go anywhere. where it's a fucking island. How can you not catch him? How can you not? The fucking, it's the easiest place to catch criminal ever. Yeah, a small island.

He's like nowhere. He's lazy. No, that's fucking lazy. That's like being a wrangler in a, in a hamster cage. It's like fishing at pets market. It's fucking easy, man.

That's, in Denver, it was a beast for him. So he said, fuck this. Let's take to the islands. He's bad at his job. He had to go uphill once.

I never, I never understood that show Like if Dog the Bounty Hunter He's not a legal Fucking officer There's no He's no badge or nothing That you don't have to stop

Uh-uh Some of my fuck comes to your house They put up with it I'm like fuck you bro No Call the cops You fucking moron You get your big titty wife

Out of my face What the fuck is this Are these cameras What the fuck? Dude I'm a criminal I'm a fucking Escape Convict Are you shitting me

You have tasey- How about I shoot both of you? I never understood. I think he gets to people to look at the wife's tits. And that's when he gets him. And then he handcuffs him. Oh, yeah. And then when they're in the car, they give him that Jerry Seinfeld, like my one minute.

They give him the speech. Like, you know you're not doing the right thing, bra. You know, you don't want to go down this road, bra. Yeah, man. Then he was a drug addict, too. Was he really? Yeah. So then he's like, I've been there, bra.

I've been there. You don't want this bra. You keep saying bra. He keeps saying bra. I love it. I celebrate him, man. Dude, I got to watch him again, man. Yeah, you got to get him, man.

You guys look similar. I got to get back into that. We don't look that similar, but I wouldn't mind having been jacked as him in the future. I wouldn't mind having more abs, though. Yeah, you might, well, his titty's starting to sack a little bit, but, God, she just needs to get her tits out of our face. Those things are. I mean, what is that? Is that a titty?

Are you a titty guy? I don't know, man. These days, it's, you know, there's just. You don't have to pick these days. I don't think. There's just, some tits are just, like, I didn't like whenever they had like a big girl back in the day and she'd be like, oh, I got these tits. And it's like, nah, it's just kind of weight. Yeah, yeah.

And it's just proportionate to the rest of your body. You got rolls. It's just two extra rolls with a nipple on them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you just got weight around your nipples. Yeah. So that kind of threw me off of the tit game, I think, early.

Oh, did you hook up with a chubster? Um, I hooked up with this real tall girl, man, when I hadn't really hit a gross spurt, you know? So you're shorter. Yeah. And I would, uh, and she would fucking even pick me up, dude, when I was in school. Oh, she would fuck you. She wouldn't fuck me anything. Oh, they'd say she'd pick you up and fuck you.

No, we weren't fucking, do we were children. Oh, gotcha. She'd pick up from school? No. You wouldn't fucking pick up from school, dude? Are you following this? Dude, I'm not getting molested by a woman, bro. All right?

Well, put two together. Big tall woman. You're a child. Big tall girl. She's picking you up from weird. We both went to, we went to junior high together, dude. Dude, and she was tall, and I hadn't hit a growth spurt yet. But she would lift me up sometimes and hug me by at the end of the day and we'd kiss a little bit.

All right. And she had short hair, dude, and kids would go by on the school bus and yell fags at us out the window. Damn. Because they thought that both of us were boys, man. Ah, that poor girl. Dude, it made me, yeah, I felt bad for her. Ruthless out there. I felt so bad for her.

I mean, I just, it was just, you know, and it was just stupid kids, you know. They're not per, yeah, they don't understand. They don't know anything. Yeah. And that was, you know, it was back when kids would say stuff just more willy-nilly. But, man, I feel. bad for her. I stayed with her even longer. Yeah, I bet. I stayed with her even longer because I was

like, uh, because she was super cool. I mean, she did like a lot of dude kind of stuff and she definitely did look like a dude kind of from like. Now that you think her, you think she was a lesbian. Uh, no. No. You think she was a little bit of a lesbian? She got me an Atlanta Braves t-shirt for like our one year anniversary.

Oh, that's nice. It had like a baseball glove on and stuff. So I think she like, I don't know. I don't think she was. I think she was. I think It could have gone either way. What do you think she's doing now? I think, I can't imagine her really passing a kid, you know, but I could imagine her finding a husband that likes to hike a lot and stuff like that.

Like outdoorsy shit. Yeah. But they had some money, man. Her family had some money. So I'd go over there, dude, and they had all kind of nice stuff in the house, you know. The wild wet. Ice maker on the fridge, dude. You know, if somebody had ice maker, I would push that bitch and just let all the ice hit me in the fucking face and net.

It was like being in a, um. It was like being in Utah or something in the mountains. Dude, I got to be honest. I'm not even trying to clown. You're not a chubby chaser at all. Not really. I don't think, man. But actually, I met this girl in Minnesota one time, and she was...

Big. Grandios. I'm talking she probably weighed 400 pounds. Grandioso? Yeah. Grandioso, 400 pounds? 400 Latino pounds, too. Those grandioso Elbis.

And she, um, we ended up kissing her, her car actually at the end of the day that's it yeah that's it bro you didn't split a to stott or some shit and she suck you off no man really dude I would be a sometimes they have barnacles on their knees and stuff and like their thighs

rubbed together so they get barnacles oh really yeah what you have seen my 600 pound life uh uh yeah she might have been on there I don't want to no she's had a 400 pound life and she uh yeah that's true but you 200 more pounds there was a guy who was a thousand pounds

a thousand dude that's a guy in a kitty pool that's not even a fucking human pretty sure he died yeah dude bro if you're gonna do a thousand pounds bro get the fuck out that's not fair no it wasn't fair to him either

his poor skeleton system oh tell you something right now I need a new mattress and you know what I did I'm not gonna lie did you make one out of pigeon feathers Called our agents and I said, hey, I want a free mattress from Casper.

Oh, wow. That sounds easy. I'll see what I can do. And then I said, I don't want to wait that long. I went and looked at the king-sized mattresses. You can get a king-sized mattress that I sleep on. I sleep on a queen-sized Casper. You can get a king-sized mattress for so much cheaper than you would pay otherwise.

They have the deluxe one, which is more expensive. Still, as good as it gets with supportive memory foam and all the bells in the best. That's what I sleep on, brother. Dude, they're the best mattresses. They are perfectly designed for humans, engineered to soothe and cradle your natural geometry. You can't find a better match. Well, that's what I sleep on. Every match in our house is a Casper, and I'm about to go buy, personally, I'm not getting a free one.

I'm going to buy another one. I have friends who are like, dude, can I stay in that your house? Not because they like me, because they like my bed. There you go. You like my bed, bro. Well, you spend a third of your life sleeping. Yeah, you think. Shouldn't you get the best?

Might as well. Yeah. You got supportive memory foams. You got all kinds of stuff. They got stuff for sink and bounce. You know what I mean? You sink into it, but there's a little bounce to it. No hassle returns.

Free shipping and returns in the U.S. and Canada. And I'll tell you what. Why don't you try a Casper for 100 nights risk-free? You can sleep on it for 100 nights and decide if you like it. I will guarantee you will not return it. So that's my experience anyway, and I know that's yours. I love them. You get $50 towards select mattresses.

by visiting casper.com slash fighter using promo code fighter at checkout terms and conditions apply. That's casper.com slash fighter promo code fighter. Dude, man, that's crazy. Dude, this is the problem. I'll watch that show.

Oh, look, he has your belt, leave the guy's belt down there. But I'll watch the show. And it makes me hungry. Yes, it makes me, you think you'd do the opposite, but it makes me hungry. Like, I'll watch intervention. I don't want to do drugs.

I'll watch my 600-pound life. and I want food. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah. Intervention scares me, bro. When they do the needle shots, I'm like, who is watching this? And the camera crew and the production

crew, who was it? Whose girl was in here? Oh, Jimmy Smith. His wife used to work on that show. He was telling me before he's in his wife worked on a show. So they can't intervene. Like, that's the rule.

They can't intervene. They can't do anything. So he would say like she would be on set. It was exhausting, first of all, but she'd be on set and the drug addict like man I need to make some money I'm going to Target

but they don't want to know what they're going to do because they film them doing a crime then they can't hear it oh really nope don't tell us well if you're going somewhere just fall on don't tell us what you're doing because they can't

legally can't do that stuff so you like don't tell just keep it very vague whatever we're going to do we don't want to know just do your thing so that's when they would roll into like Kmart and they come out with like they come out like get you they're all happy

like gang gang gang boy they got televisions and they come back in and then yeah they got little televisions in their jacket yeah dude that yeah that shows crazy when people start shooting up on intervention that is insane man crazy yeah i like the old guy who's that old guy on the right if you don't mind chin with the um oh that fake ass dr phil jeff van vondren dude dude dude bro he's that alley cat version of dr phil oh he's out like a cat before it's gonna die yeah he's got that look yeah he does when his skin starts to just shag on he's been through some shit oh been through the dark That guy's done so much drugs. He probably had cocaine in his ass, methamphetamines, everything in

every orifice in his body. And now he's helping others, man. Yeah, he's been doing some acid, too. Look at his forehead. Yeah, really? Yeah. I can see that, that's stress. Yeah. Dude, speaking of acid, I had a dream last night. I didn't even ask you about your weekend, man. Would you do? What did I do? Damn, trick questions with Brendan Scha. Dude, I started taking Cratum. Did you really? Have you heard of it? Uh-uh. Never heard of it.

Crate them for what? Make your forehead smaller? No, I don't need that. No, that'd be a problem. I need something to grow it. How many issues you got, bro? Maybe three. Actually, yeah, you're running pretty small in the forehead.

It's pretty normal. But you have that chin to ear distances. Yeah, but the thing is, is it's about to run into my eyebrows, so I've got to be careful here. Oh, do you shave that or not? No, look up like this, man. People think I'd do my eyebrows, too. You do your eyebrows? Fuck, no, dude.

No, who does? I would get hair installed into my eyebrows. Yeah, I could see that Yeah It's pretty narrow here It's thinning out here It's thinning out Yeah

It's not bad though Yeah, I got my eyes Are a little bit too far apart Dude, dude It's like they Yeah I was almost Yeah

Never thought about that Damn dude Why bro When you think of far apart eyes Do you think of a toad I mean I guess I never wanted to think about that Because I never wanted to feel that way

Well no I like a nice toad man They're cool. Like, he's ever said I like a nice toad, dude, except somebody that's a creep that lives in New Mexico. Yeah, dude, look at that. Damn, bro. You see how far his eyes are?

That's what I was thinking. I was when he said that. Like they're far. I mean, you don't look like that, but you can see your eyes are similar, bro. Fuck, I can't tell if they are or not, dude. I can kind of see it, maybe some. Pick a different one, Chin.

Jesus, that one looks like his... Nah, that one's giving you a profile. Yeah, dude. There's one. you see yeah I can see that a little bit yeah a little bit damn

their eyes are far apart though yours aren't bad I gotta get my eyes pushed together a little that's gonna be tough or just wear glasses so I don't think you have a problem but if you wanted to like

take the attention off your really far part eyes you said this you could use a half minutes too I can see we need to meet in the middle mine are super close and yours are super wide

I don't know man My are close I think we'd be fucking Oh my god That's you bro That's you bro That looks like to fucking Like a rat that got stung by bees

Dude That thing is struggling That is so struggling Dude But when you think about far apart eyes I can't think of another animal I think of than a toad Yeah and I guess I never thought about that

I don't see a lot of toads man Nah they're rare in LA I bet we're in your hometown There's a lot of to Oh yeah Yeah Back in Louisiana you open door and sometimes some one a little frog would hide in the crack between the door and the door

yeah yeah and it would fall right down on i love tree frogs really yeah they're cool i don't really like all that man and toads are evil man they're from another realm but you guys eat them uh no i've been frog in there where you go out at night and you shine the light on them and then you grab them put them in a bag and do what with them sell them i don't know i would always get to sleep when we got back to the place leave them in the bag yeah i don't fucking want any of that shit i just wanted to be out there doing it i know but let them go though huh i'm not gonna stay up for the next six hours and cut them up so we can fucking eat them, like some mad

scientist. Well, no, I know, but just open the bag so they're not stuck in the bag all night. Oh, no, somebody did something with them. I don't care. They don't give a fuck if you let them go. We're not. They're fucking toads, dude. Look at them. I used to have a pet toad, man. Really? Yeah. I put mud in a laundry basket

and then kept in my backyard. He was big. Bro, that is one of definitely most lesbian things I've ever heard somebody did. Pet toad? with a laundry basket full of mud Jesus Christ

dude You know your daughter's going to be a lesbian When you give her a laundry basket And you put so much of mud And a frog in it Yeah that was interesting for sure Exhibit Hey man

I realized he wasn't having a very nice life So I let him go Um Yeah I don't know We never had any pests Man I got attacked by a bunch of animals In our neighborhood growing up But I was saying is I had a dream bro

That Dude I barely got any sleep I had a dream That Oh somebody was Because, yeah, somebody's car broke down in my dream, right? So I stopped to help out. And the dude told me it wasn't a dream, the person I stopped to help.

So now I'm like, fuck. So. Now you're going to help push his car? Oh, I had to help. I had to take him wherever he had to go. And then a bunch of other shit came up. Just like a bunch of errands? Just errands, yeah.

Oh, my God. Sounds like a nightmare. Oh, dude. I'm waiting. It's a dream. Bro. I was so stressed. I'm waiting in line.

Wow. Prescriptions, I bet. No, I don't think I had. that I had, answering calls and shit. It's definitely a lot of stuff on my phone. I had to do groceries. I had to do all of that. Bro, but I had to fuck this dude

only because this dude told me it wasn't a dream. So then I'm not like dreaming. I'm like, like I'm busy, you know? Busy in your dream, man. That's a nightmare, son. It was a nightmare. That's a nightmare.

It's very rare. It's very rare. I think that's bad, dude. I think that's bad for your brain. That's what they say. Yeah. Do you ever think that somebody, you know, didn't you have brain

trauma? I've been punched in the face, yeah, a little bit. But somebody said, somebody sent me an email that said, don't say anything to Brendan about his brain because he might have brain trauma. Really? Yeah. And I felt bad about that, actually. What the fuck?

I'm not joking, man. I don't know. Whoever said that? No, it's not like I have a brain tumor or something. No, you don't seem fine to me, man. Like I have a list where somewhere I'm not sharp because I've fought or I have CT or some shit. Don't mention it to him because he hears it's a trigger and it flip. out no well yeah i mean that was kind of the thing so i felt horrible man because i thought like

you know i felt no i don't have a condition they get autism or something i was like flaring it up you know i'm making fun of it man i'd let you know that's what i thought i'm good i was like i texted the dude back i was like when you look him in the eyes he seemed like he's okay now he's checked out he's checked out dude we good i don't have any signs i don't i don't think so yeah i don't think i'd be able to do all this shit if i did now i might get it down the road could get pretty nasty but do you worry about that no i don't i think they they say one of the best things you do so because a lot of those guys who ct and brain trauma stuff from football and fighting is they stop like being creative they stop pursuing stuff right and then they're fucked because they're not

really using their brain then it's mush to begin with yeah but yeah is there ever anything that happens that flares up that you think like oh this could be even a little bitty like a moment every now on there anything because you know like i'll forget my keys and like well here we go, you know, like, all right, there's CT, but it's just your standard shit. Right. It's like you forget your family on a vacation. No, I'm like, where am I? What the fuck? No, never, man.

Or, you know, when he meets someone, like, oh, hey, this is Ashley? Like, oh, hey, this is Ash. Like, nice to meet you, Ashley. And then I'm like, God, what the fuck is that girl's like, here we go. There's brain trauma, man. You ask for it, man. You fucking asked for it. Was there ever, like, a certain, like, hit or moment or moment in football or fighting

that you're like, oh, fuck, that's going to give me some trauma. I mean, I've been knocked out before, but I knew it's not healthy, but in football, we would, in practice, and in games, I would know, we didn't know at the time how bad it was for you, but we'd know it's like, I'd get like this ringing, I'd have headaches and fucking is bad, man. Fuck. You never being concussed or anything? Dude, I got knocked out one time. I was looking for the remote and my nephew fucking pushed me down, right? I mean, I think I might have got knocked out when I was a kid, but I don't remember, you know, you're a kid, like, everybody's knocking each other out.

but as an adult I fell and hit like my temple on something yeah bro and everything just kind of rattled and then just went dark bro and the next thing my brother was helping me up damn yeah you forget and I was like what was that I thought I went hit a warp zone dude you know I thought I was going to fight Bowser bro I don't know what was that Bowser son because I'd never just everything just like zoom yeah it's like slow motion and bro it was scary remember much of it that's why I can't yeah I can't even fathom that that some of those type of experiences, you know?

That would kind of make me... No, I'm not too worried about it. I get weary. That's what I would get. I mean, it's one of the reasons I got out. Yeah. Guys stick around too long. They have some big issues, man.

Really? Fuck, yeah. Hell yeah. And they got big fights this weekend, right? My buddy was telling me. Colby Covington? I'm from a town called Covington. I feel like you would like Colby Covington.

Really? He talks a lot of shit. Oh, does he? Yeah. Hmm. Trying to think who else is fighting? Yo Romero, Robert Whitaker. Seampunk?

Seampunk fighting? Oh, dude, I saw... I knew that spike you up. I was at... Why, you got Chicago shirt? I thought maybe you were waiting for Seampunk. He's from Chicago. Oh, no, my mother's from Illinois.

I'm a Cope's fan. My grandfather used to cheer for them, and then he died. But he... But yeah, I like Illinois. My mom's from Peoria. You have some Tom-Tom-Tum shoes on, too, huh? Is it Tom-Thoms? Yeah, taking it easy, bro.

Taking it easy, dude. lost probably $600 in Vegas playing the slots, bro. Did you? You play slots? That says a lot about them, man. Hey, bro. You play slots. Somebody has to play them.

People smoking and fucking, wow, you're the youngest person I've ever met that. I played slots. That makes so much sense. Well, I'm out there. I've got to be with the people, man, you know? Most people aren't doing that, bro. Dude, I was in Reno one time, and we got Snowden. I was there for comedy, and a guy died.

The third day, they found him behind some. slot machines, dude. Playing too long. I don't know what happened to him, dude. Probably drinking Red Bulls playing too long. Oh, yeah, dude. Going deep, bro. Yeah.

You didn't win anything? Oh, no, uh. Lost like $6,700 probably. Damn. Who loses that much playing slot? Don't play cards or nothing? I should have. I just got kind of lost in there,

and then I sat down, and then next thing you know, I was fucking looping. Would you do that night? Just play slots by yourself? I'll play slots. This chick I've been talking and went up there with me. You know, my lady went up there with me. Oh, that's dope.

then where'd you guys stay so we stayed at um caesar's palace interesting pick why caesar's i don't know she set it up you know she likes slots she likes slots she likes slots she likes slots yeah she's a fucking deal breaker for me oh it look bro it makes me hurt it makes me hurt but i got to be supportive of shit she wants to do you know slots though so i'm fucking watching her play slots and fucking for hours you get free drinks though huh but i don't drink drink that's the only reason why you play slots is you get the free drinks all night

Yeah, dude. You're just sitting there watching her, lose her ass on this boring-ass game. Oh, man. Like Wheel of Fortress or some shit. They're so fucking stupid, too. Oh, it's so retarding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Never ends. So I think that, some of even just being out there in that environment messed my brain up so I couldn't sleep.

100%. But, bro, let's just talk about your girl real quick. I've never met her. I'd have to get my eyes on her, see what we're working with. But she wanted to play slots and then book Caesars. Yeah. She's a regular gal, man. We had to go to that Chinese shop

Nothing I didn't mean to look at you right after Damn, Phil You don't run the Chinese stuff I know we don't know the people But I just, you know, being respectful You know, we went over to the Chinese place The buffet

Yamuri or something I think it's called In Caesars? Yeah And we went there and had you know Because I'm on that paleo diets We had to have stuff that I could have like a soup or something You know So

Well, Pela, you can have, like, chicken and... Yeah, so I was getting chicken and vegetables. No rice, right? You can have chicken, veggies, sweet potato. You can have your own body sweat. I mean, there's not much you can have, dude. It's called top ramen. It should taste like sweat.

Oh, yeah. I see him as a kid, and my brother goes, you know that's, uh... But no offense, Jen. He goes, you know, that's Asian people, sweat on it. That's why it's so salty. And I was, I was young, and I was like, what? And, dude, I haven't ate one since. Wow.

Yeah, when I was growing up, they said, if you lick the back of an Asian person, you could have, like, crazy hallucinogenics. Oh, wow. Be tough, you know. And we didn't have any, so everybody was always, like, fucking thought it could be real, you know? Like, they're poisonous frogs. Yeah.

You lick a frog, you're on a trip city. Who's licking a fucking frog, dude? People do it, bro. Somebody deserves to die, I think. I'm actually going to Shanghai, brother. Have you ever been there? No. Oh, you're going to China soon, huh?

I'm going to Shanghai in about six weeks, yeah. You do comedy out there? Just for a week, yeah. Some dude hit me up. Come do some comedy. Is there a lot of, is it like a tour-based thing? He's got three gigs and it's good money, you know? But is it all Chinese people?

Do you have a translator? I don't know. You don't know the detail. I hope it's somebody that does sign language. What if it's for deaf Chinese people? Do they have deaf Chinese people? Of course. Oh, I'm sure.

That's awesome. Dude, you're going to do stand-up in Shanghai. How long are you going to be out there? One week. That's a long flight. Yeah, it's going to be a long flight. Who else is going out there with you? I don't know.

Are there other comics on the bill? Oh, no. I think there's some local other comedians, you know? Wow. It's going to be wild, but it's good money, and it's funny. You get to be in China for a week. Good stories, too. I'm sure you get stories out of it.

Yeah, good stories. You can walk around. Have you ever heard anything about China? Uh, friends went. They said it's pretty awesome. I heard the air is terrible, though. Boring? Yeah, that's heard from my buddy.

Wow. Depends what you're into? If you're trying to get, what, weird over there? Yeah. It's cheap, bro. Uh-uh. They have all that sex, everything? There's so much pollution.

They don't, they can't tell. What do you mean? It's like everywhere he goes, a glory hole. That's not true. Yeah, bro. That's what my friend said. Bro, I'm not fucking, yeah, China glory hole. Dude, it could be a restaurant.

Yeah. Yeah. Sushi. They bring a menu and I pull my dick out. Yeah, just stick it anyway. Yeah, Americans can do that. Dude, that's, no. Americans can't do that, man.

You've been reading old books, man. New books. You get an updated trip advisor. you're not fun though man dude what's this bottle of pills you got down it's that crate him so you want some let me see this bro if you're a former addict though

you ain't for you yeah dude this has a brain riding on a looks like a 36 caliber bullet yeah it's a brain right on a bullet this is that fucking school shooter pills dude is what this is bro have you seen this bro you can't have this man

yeah that's what's making this guy people like that do that in Las Vegas and everything, man. You can't add that. Yeah, maybe. I don't know, man. You should take these in China and see what happens. You should take these in China. I'm not taking those back to China. They're probably legal. You know what? They're probably from China. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Buy some out there and just get fucking weird. Buy a geisha like cape or some shit. Oh, I'll buy some outfits and stuff, but I'm not going to get... Do wear them out there. Oh, yeah. One with the culture, man. That's a good point. You know, don't get fully Chinese. Yeah, go full. You know, don't get races about it. Don't wear like a raiding hat or some shit.

but we're like a cool like kimono put a bunch of blades on my hands like wolverine or some shit like you're raiden dude uh what is great um bro let's not stop talking about that for a second because just in case this is the last time people ever hear from me I want to make sure they know what happened

no I've actually chilled out on them so we had a gas well good I'm the way said it was fun chin takes it every day do you really I've been taking it every day but then now I'm thinking about stopping for like a few weeks And see if you're thinking to it. Everyone's telling me, like, have you tried stopping? I'm like, I actually haven't tried.

No, I take it like coffee. Oh, you put it in your coffee. No, I take it like coffee. Like once or twice a day. That means. That means. Yeah. That's all that means.

This is like a drug addict trying to explain. That's like, yeah. No, you drink coffee, right? Well, yeah. You know, you take you like, take water. Where do you, how do you drink all throughout the day? Yeah. Is it or only?

No. But you take, you drink water every day? I do. You take cratim every day? I do. So it's like you take you like. coffee, too, right? It's like coffee, I said. It's not coffee.

I mean, it's like an addict's excuse, right? Yeah, that's the thing, yeah. But that's why I'll give it a couple weeks off, just to see what happens. So why don't you do a cold turkey right now? I already took some this morning. Wow. What's you waiting for then? You know, they're like, I'm going to wake up.

Why don't you do it tomorrow? I mean, yeah, start tomorrow. Let's start tomorrow. Start tomorrow, guy. Be honest, and why do you just start sweating? If you can't, I'm always scratching your neck. If you can't do it, if it's struggled, city, let us know, let us know. I'm actually.

I'm interested to see what happens. Wow. Chin is suddenly a lab rat for TFA T-F-A-T-K. Yeah, bro. I love this. Dude, you got to get him on some crazy things. Wait a minute, so you stopped taking it, right? You said?

I took it this morning when I left out. Dude, both you guys. Bro, bring up another picture of Jeff Van Vondren, please, from intervention. Dude, you should get Jeff Van Vondra on here. Ask him about Crave him? Well, just to talk about supplements and how people can get addicted to those, I bet he would have a ton of stories. Yeah, he would be fun.

Dude, that got to be amazing, man. he's talking about it looks different then dude holly hol is fighting this week too long before he died well he just yeah I knew he did that he had that gig with monopoly for about 20 years and then he was helping people recover from dope

he's got I'm sure run work at the front of a train for about eight months and then he'll die and that's probably gonna be unfortunate because all the people in intervention all the therapists are former addicts huh yeah they act better in everyone too yeah they act like oh

they are But they're only better than people who are addicted. That's it. It's one step better. But they throw that shit in their face. I've been there. Look at me. I did it.

Oh, look at my life. All right, bro. You got a shit suit on. You're obviously here. I don't want that for myself. They're not bad people. They're helping people change. Yeah, they're cocky about it still.

You know what I'm saying? Like, that's what drives me nuts about intervention. They're real cocky about it. Dude, there's a guy shooting a heroin into his nose, okay? They've got to be cocky about it. You got to be cocking when you're dealing with those people. Oh, it did look like here. Oh, damn, at least he's in shape.

No, I don't like how they throw that shit in all the addict's face, though. You know what I'm saying? They're not like, you got to be willing to cut them off. Kick him out of the house. No money. Mom, are you ready to do that? It's like, fuck, no. That's my son, you fuck.

And then they all go to a Radisson and have a big free for all in one of the cops. Why, they always had a Radisson? I don't know. Or they're at, like, a Ramada Inn. Oh, people get murdered at Ramadas, too. Yeah, no, yeah. It's usually, like, you're right, the Raston, Ramada in, uh, sometimes Motel 6, depend on the guy.

Oh, dude, Motel 6, 6, 6, bro. People get gunned down at those all the time. Ramada has the murder rate at Ramada is unbelievable. Well, Ramada, it's either murders or you're getting your dick suck. There's no in between. Dude, the third floor of Ramada, always close for murder, bro. Always. There's always a murder.

It's always. There's no more. That's where you go. Dude, they had a mint on my pillow one time, I thought. it was a fucking grandma crack No, damn great, see that's a gift I was like, is this a mint? I was like, is this a pillow, man?

Yeah, Chin is a drug addict though. Were you really? No, he is. How long have you been taking credit him every day? Probably a year and a half. What are you talking about? I always looked at it like coffee. That's the problem.

People get out of traffic like not a sugar. Believe me, a ton of research because I don't want to take prescription drugs. Right. Because I know those are bad. Right. Yeah. This is natural.

And what is it? Natural from what? It's a leaf. It's a leaf. So is a coca plant. A leaf nobody's ever hurt up, dude. Yeah. Both you guys are on cratim, dude.

It's like crushed leaf. That's all it is. Bro, that's fucking. You can't take nothing. That's forest crack, bro. You guys got to get your act together. I'm straight. Well, you had it today.

I had yesterday I didn't, though. And the day before, I didn't. Yeah, sure. I promised you. I swear, bro. Yeah. I swear. That's probably just the crateum talking, dude.

You guys need to get your act together. Bro, but you can't take nothing. as a former attic, huh? I can't take much, dude. Bro, what's crazy is, if I'm even around, like, a couple of weeks ago, I was, like, talking to this, oh, I gave a girl right up the hill

who worked at the comedy store or something. She'd been drinking vodka, and I could smell it on her fucking brass so strong. And it turned you on? I don't know if it turned me on. It made me, it reminded me of, like... Raminous? Yeah, reminded me like some busted chicks I'd hooked up with that.

Your wild days. But it didn't make you thirsty for vodka. No. What I would prefer is cocaine. That was your drug of true. choice? Dude, I would order a glass of cocaine if I could. Oh, I'll kill a gram from a, from fucking deep, bro.

I'm a Steph Curry of cocaine, bro. Hell, yeah. That four point shot, son. Three on three five, shit. That was your drug of choice, is Coke? Yeah, I just liked it, man. And then I'd be at home by myself doing it. And I didn't even do it for long.

And it just happened, like, but it escalated pretty quick. Just coke, though. You never went to anything else? I never smoked any crack. I kind of wish I would have, you know? Just see how it is. Yeah. I heard heroin is the, is the shit.

Oh, dude, that's the fucking six flags of drugs, bro. I heard it's like going to six flags, but you could stay wherever you are. Yeah, yeah, the park hopper. Yeah. It's that park hopper drug. Yeah. It's just fun everywhere. Yeah.

Everywhere. It's not crowding. Yeah. It's never crowded. Yeah. That's what I think of heroin. I won't try it, though. But here's the thing, man. Would you try it for you die?

Hell yeah. That's what Doug Stanhope. says so he's going to try it right before he dies yeah well that's because it might kill him yeah i know or you're going to be so addicted to it you know you're on your death baby you're like damn that shit was sick dad yeah you just got to experience it you know dude if you died on heroin that might be the way to go i're talking about like kirk cobain or some shit yeah like i'm just wondering man i was thinking the other day when you die like your soul is going to be like with all these other souls like there's going to be caveman

souls like there's going to be souls all throughout time so some souls you'll be you'll meet and you're like oh this soul's a fucking idiot right you don't know shit yeah this soul like there's no books in whatever world we're moving on to yeah and also some of the souls aren't going to be as enlightened probably maybe they'll be more enlightened if they're from the past true because maybe they've because they can look down on us and they've learned maybe like oh wow you guys had so many beautiful elements out in the world you know and you guys ended up just you know playing a saga I you know you playing Sega. Are you religious?

I mean, I believe in a higher power, you know? I mean, I'm not fucking out here I'm not just out here working freelance, bro, you know? Yeah. And then you die and that's it? No, I agree. I'd rather double down on the Lord, bro. You know what I'm saying?

Because even if it doesn't exist, what do I lose? I lose nothing, nothing, bro. I'm at least in the club. Yeah, you ever heard of a hedge fund, dude? That's all this is, bro. Yeah, this is insurance, really, life insurance. Yeah, after life insurance. Yeah, after life insurance.

After life insurance. Dude, you look like somebody that would sell afterlife insurance, bro. You look like somebody that hangs out around caskets. Bro, I saw a possum last on my backyard, and I thought, I can't believe Theo doesn't have one of us. I swear, I saw a possum like that. There's certain animals that just go with other people. I'm like, dude, I can see Theo walk in a possum. Just put my, like, I would just raise to stretch in the morning.

There's possum hanging from under my arm. Like, I would be surprised if we surprised you at your house of, like, I don't know, some sort of. cool breakfast and like I woke you up and you had a possum in your bed and dog to batting on his wife and your fucking sack bro so then big tits like that would surprise

at all because you're a younger version of dog and she's trying to fuck dude if I I couldn't imagine having those big tits dude taking that bra off it would be like doing those TRX bands at the gym dude can you even imagine the pressure you would have

to have to push those two braw in together to get it to snap open. I don't have the strength. And then that thing whips out. Take your fucking eye out. That's what's impressive about dog the bounty on it. Like he is strong enough to get those tits out of those cages. He's like Sisyphus or whatever.

Who's the Greek person who pushes the boulder up the hill but never gets it there? I don't know. You went too old school, man. Dude, he could fucking put those tits on his back and do fucking squats. Yeah, he could deadlift those tits if you bend down. He gets swole. That prison workout. with his girl, man.

You're right, it is Sisyphus. Sisypus, there you go, dude, constantly pushing the rock up the hill. Dude, and this reminds me wanting Joey Diaz's jokes from the other night. He said, oh, he never come harder than when he started eating protein powder and doing squats for two weeks. That's what he said around. The place was going crazy. Oh, it was great. When's it come out?

Does he know? I'm not sure. I bet the turnaround's probably a couple of months. You think? Yeah. And they're going to release all six on the same time? Yeah, I think it's just, yeah. like called the half hours how they do it now because i think some people get tired of

watch an hour i get to be honest some of my favorite comics i'll watch an hour i find myself days in and out of it and then be like right what's he talking about now and these are my favorite guys yeah half an hour makes sense i agree it's almost like a bit you just want to see a bit yeah yeah i agree and then also i think if you're half an hour you if we started gravitating towards more that way you could have more specials yes like damn theo dropped three half an hour this year. Yeah. And then also, as a comic as a businessman, you're getting paid for all three of those

specials. Yeah. Just one hour. That's a good point. Dude, I want to start focusing and learning more Spanish so I can, I want to do a special in like a Spanish. Yeah, like a Nicaragua or something. My dad's from Nicaragua.

So I want to do a special in Nicaragua. Yeah. That is not Nicaraguan. I'm probably. We might have to edit that out, dude, because that's. That time closer. Okay. Go one more time, but I want to see how rich.

racist, this ends up. Nicaraguan. Whoa, bro. A couple of guys just shut up in the door, dude. Relax. How do you say? You can't even speak on Kratom, can you? Jesus Christ, dude.

You say it, Nicaragua. Bro, you are not Nicaraguan. Yes. Bro, my father's from Bluefields, Nicaragua. I'm Polish Nicaraguan. Who the fuck like do you? No, you're not. Bro, my...

You're Hawaiian and from Denver. Shut up, bro. Beth, get over here, Beth. Okay. You're for real, though, your dad's from Nicaragua? Yeah. I'm Polish Nicaragua, man. Somebody fucked on a boat to make me, bro.

Damn, Doug. Yeah, I'm not a, I'm not a lamb baby, bro. But that's one of my life goals is to learn enough Spanish to be able to do a special in Spanish. I feel like that's going to take too long. It's not, right? You're going to be 70, but, you know, hard is learned. So my, my girl is Spanish. Her mom, they're straight from Mexico.

Oh, wow. My entire house and the TV is Spanish. My son understands Spanish better. Really? I've been around it for five years. now, I don't know shit. I know nothing. Dude, that's you, bro.

That's brain drama. That's brain drama. Dude, I know, I don't, I can pick up a little bit, but as far as fucking speaking it in a comedy special, that ain't for you, son. Any other man whose wife and child speak Spanish would know Spanish, okay? You're basically a babysitter, is what you are, dude. No, no, it's like I'm an immigrant. No, it's like I'm on some work visa. And I'm in the Spanish house.

And I pay the bills, you know. The gringo who pays the bills. I don't want fucking tostadas every night, you know? Bro, it's getting frustrating. Is it really? No. But Latinos have the, I mean, bro, just the way that they took six ingredients, mix them in the 900 different ways.

Oh, bro. Nobody else can do that. It's the best at it, right? Everything's the fucking same, just shaped different. The burrito, if you really think about it, it's a double-decker taco. The double-decker taco is a gorgeous. Adida, they just added the tortilla

to the double decker. It's weird. It's like, what about the new Australian cheese boomerang? You just throw this thing, aye, and it has like a fucking Mexican sound. There's still a straightling taco bell?

That's how they do it. You throw it, and it comes back and lands right in your baby's jaw. Feed the whole family. Dude. Aee! Hey, aye, aye. That, bro, that's right.

We might have to edit that. Edit it out, dude. Nicaraglands, bro. Dude, you're not Nicaraguan. I thought Guatemalans when I was growing up was a fruit, bro. So you're talking to a dude. See, to you, that's fair. And that's why you don't speak Spanish, man.

Yeah, you're right, man. Could you learn Spanish? I took French for four years, advanced French in high school. Damn, dude, advanced French. Advanced French. Fucking Brennan shot the croissant hunter. Yeah, Doug. Dude, I could see you at a bakery at night just hunting croissants, bro.

Are making delicious chocolate croissants. Yeah, what a fucking creep. Dude, you look like the... You look like the guy would sell pig in a blanket. Oh, I do look like that. You looked like that guy. I definitely look like that, dude.

I love pigging a blankets. Dude, you look like the biggest dude on the Little League baseball team that's not good at baseball, bro. Like, dude, good thing we got Ernie and then you fucking go to the first game and Ernie fucking sucks, bro.

They put him in the outfield, but past the fence, like just to watch the cars. Dude, you look at the guy who would have tic-tacks in his pocket, but not in the boss. Just like with lint on them. Like, I guess I'll take one of these men's. You look like you jack off there. Who's the boss at night?

As long as we got to kill it. Oh, man. That's great a man, bring back to the old shows. Who's the boss? Why are these tic tic tacks wearing little sweaters? That's what I want to know. Well, you tic-tac at a first shell off. Yeah.

Dude, I love an orange tic-tac, though. Man, how good are they? It's not a mint. That's a fucking candy. They make my breath better. I don't know if they make your breath better. They make your mouth orange, and they make you seem like I think anybody that's eating them on the regular definitely seems like.

You're a little crazy. Yeah. They're delicious, though. They're delicious, but that's a problem. You'll eat 14 at once. I'll eat the whole box at one time. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, the best.

The cement aren't bad either. I don't do any. The green ones are disgusting. Oh, the green sucks dick. Oh, they're minty and they're kind of... But see, those are for your breath. But the orange ones are just for fun. Yeah, but dude, I feel like if you're eating those,

you probably seem like an adult that's still willing to get molested, you know, to tell somebody you're young. Yeah, yeah, that's a good point. I don't have any friends who eat orange tic tic. Like on the regular. I'll eat them at home. I want to eat them out in the wild. That's where I'll eat them.

If someone gave me something like a gift bag or something, I'll eat them. But I'm not going to buy or purchase my own. Fly the fucking W. Are they still the defending champs, Cubs? I have a zero idea. No. Whatever. Who won, dude?

The last series? Yeah. The Dodgers, right? Or was it Minnesota? I don't even know one. Cubs won 2016. Yeah. Dodgers won, dude.

They're on Royeds, too. The Dodgers are. Dude, don't act like you're a Cubs fan now. Go Cubs go, bro. Dude, Andre Dawson, dude. You know what I'm saying? Ryan Sandberg, son. Sean Dunstan Dunstan.

What's up? Okay, name another. Okay, you want Mark Grace? Then I will go Rick Sutcliffe. Oh, shit. All right, you're getting crazy. Sammy Sosa. Did he play for him?

Look it up, Jim, while I'm thinking of another. That was the heyday Sammy Sosa. He's white, dude. That was black Sammy. Yeah, he's going pink. No, he's white. Yeah, he's like a salmon color now. Yeah, well, I think they're trying to, his, yeah, because I think.

He's had surgeries. He got that white people surgery. I wouldn't say that to white people I don't know what that is I swear it is I swear it's from an interview What Look at him and his girl

He's a he's scary now What happened to him? Look at that out If you saw that in an alley Sounding orange tic tic-tac You would shit your pants Wow he looks like an alligator Do you think that this is a byproduct

Of having you steroids and stuff Absolutely not They say it's a mental condition How he wants to be white so bad Oh, really? You say it's white appropriation. I don't believe that. I believe that this could be something

from using steroids a lot. It makes you question yourself, makes you feel like, you know, alters yourself a little bit. I think it's the Michael Jackson thing. I think he was born a Cuban black man and wants to be white so bad. He's had these operations.

He wants to finish as the Joker, it looks like. Dude, Michael Jackson was an Asian woman by the time he died. If you go, do you want to be honest. Yeah. The only person that ever did three races was Jackson, I think. You might be right. Sammy Sosa looked like you look like turning a toad.

Yeah, that's true. He's turning a human toad. Bro, you fucking lick his, if you lick his back of his neck. Yeah. If you look at the back of his neck, you'll wake up in Beth's tits. Yeah, how crazy is that? Just wanted to turn himself white. One of the greatest baseball players all time.

Yeah, definitely, man. Yeah, but I would go spend my summers up. in Illinois and I look that fucking everybody love the Cubs and they hated the Cardinals I was just thinking

wow who is that what is that why where are they why are they in cowboy gear it's a beautiful sunset I'll give them that in the back these aren't real people man who's gonna win

that Holly home fight do you think against megan Anderson yeah it's a tough fight man Holly should win she's the favorite but that Megan Anderson is no joke

I think I picked Megan Anderson on my show yeah but most people think holly's going to get it done all he's lost their last four out of five though son some suspect wins and losses but still that's crazy man it's a good ass card man yeah people are pretty excited do you think cm punk has any chance i do that mike jackson a photographer he is yeah oh yeah you could beat up a photographer dude i see it happen all the every day on tmz all the time beber hit hit the fuck of photographer yeah and they don't do shit so this is very

similar they have a common opponent and cm punk lasted longer oh yeah yeah they should don't them boys should not be on the main card but it is what it is yeah that's brave him from to go from rest i think i was at the wrestling thing when didn't he had like it's come out on at a w v e event and say he was going to do i think so are you a w w tv fan um i i like some of it man you know i like a lot of the older stuff i like the guys with the more mental health issues now and stuff yeah back when they used roids and stuff like that yeah they still do but probably different kind now higher grade i don't know a little more knowledge on it like I feel like Hulk Hogan was taking

fucking handful of pills and had no idea what was going on yeah do you think that we'll ever get to a place where you can take a pill that will comfortably make your body like the same that steroids you know did for people 15 years ago oh for sure well there's pills you can take that are steroids right but it's harder on your liver so that's why people inject it so do you think there'll be something that'd be easier on your liver that's what I'm sure yeah I'm sure like one day we should all look like he meant if I'm sure it's out now yeah Wow.

Which is not going to be a thing where everyone just looks like fucking Yol Romero. You know, they look like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, just shredded. But do you think that... A lot of girls don't like that. I feel like guys only get big for other dudes. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, most girls aren't like, oh, I want him as big and juicy as possible and shredded.

Yeah. You're really doing it for other dudes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, at a certain point, yeah, it's kind of a... Yeah, it is kind of become a... You want to impress your buddies kind of thing. Yeah.

It's just like an ego. like a big like I want to be jacked man where if you ask a girl she's like not really my thing not as much it used to be more popular like the Jersey Shore thing yeah I think I think in those areas it's still pretty popular you know

I mean I'm also a weak dude you know like I used to be pretty strapping oh yeah you know I used to be jacked bro but I and I loved it man you know I mean the most I got ever bench was maybe like 245 or something okay but but now did I can't even the weights just got so heavy

they need to make lighter weights you know we can still lift lighter you know yeah but I want to work out uh-uh bro never not right now dude I do yoga bro and it's definitely pretty sketchy in that tofu body oh yeah soft dick I can feel my fucking dick

getting soft around the sides damn probably producing a lot of estrogen and shit I don't know you know you know your girl's not complaining though so don't matter yeah man you look healthy and I don't do you know I'm not a big I'm not a big sex guy

You know, I like to fucking more just come in my dreams, you know? You don't want to put sweat? You don't want to work out and sweat? I just, I don't, well, a lot of times people fuck at night. I'm more fuck around maybe 1 p.m. Yeah, not now, you know, because I'm at work, but, uh, but I'm, yeah, let's fuck during the day. Why isn't really fucking late at night? Yeah.

And then also, you get my heart rate up. It's pretty hard for me to sleep. Yeah. Yeah, it's like, dude, now I'm all fucking jacked up. I got calm on my stomach. Yeah, on your stomach. Yeah, I'm supposed to rest, you know, or on, you. you know, on your, you know, on your lady's leg or whatever, somewhere in the house.

Yeah, I'm with you, man. It makes more sense during the day or mid-afternoon to wake me up. And how do you think your semen feels? Yeah, you get tired, dude. Yeah. You already look tired. And, uh, yeah. You look like a tall, dude.

Bro, you look tired. You look like, you look like you were talking on the phone on night to your dad, hug the bounty hunter. You look like telling you how not to say the N-word on today's show. bro, you look like somebody that sleep walks but is happy about it dude, that's what you seem like, bro.

You're always smiling with your fucking eyes close. Can you smile and open your eyes at the same time? Betcha you can't, bro. Betcha you fucking can't do it. To it, bro. Me or a chin kid, do it. Neither one of you guys can't, bro.

Dude, I can make y'all laugh and steal everything in this motherfucker because y'all wouldn't see me, dude. You guys are out of your minds, man. You guys are out of your minds. But, bro, what were we just talking about? How your dad's dog, you got it?

You got some current offense, Jen? Yeah, I got a few. The first one is the Miss America page. Do you see this shit deal? Yeah. They're saying bye to the swimsuit competition. I mean, no one's watching this bullshit anyway. Right.

However, like, how are you going to say what we're doing? They're taking advantage of these women when they signed up. for a beauty pageant. You know they're getting rid of beauty pageant. They're called it beauty competition. Really? Yeah. So it's like, but what if, what if some of these young ladies, like, that was their

strength being a bikini? And they're like, well, now know where it's going to be more relied on their talent and personality. All right. So you're talking about a shitty fucking America's got talent. I'm not watching that. I didn't watch in the first place. But I'm sure it's fucking not watching these hoes play fucking a spelling bee now.

Like, it is what it is. Yeah. I don't want to watch Tanya juggle. You know what I'm saying? And what about the girls that have trained for this for so long? You're going to take that away from them? Oh, what happens to the bad bitches who are bodied up and they're like, wait to this bikini thing. Oh, oh, you gave that good answer in the beginning about American politics.

Wait till we get the bikini. That's my shit. You get these tits and ass out. We'll see what's up, Jamie. And now that's gone. And now this bitch has to learn to juggle. She has to learn some sort of trait she doesn't have. And so we get a half-ass product.

This is like Sien Punk and Mike Jackson. and fighting the UFC. Really? Yes. It's a bad product. Is it? Yes. Well, I know Sienpunks are a wrestler.

What is Mike Jackson? He's a photographer, you said? Yeah. Yeah, he's a photographer. He's not like a painter, huh? No. I'd be more concerned for Sampunk if he was a painter. Yeah.

But you got a photographer versus a guy with zero experience. Oh, dude, but you got them flash bulbs. What do he hits with that fucking flash bulb and stuns him? Mike. And then fucking, uh, and then develops him. That's his finishing move is the development. The developer. A developer, dude.

The dark dream developer. Seeing punk's just fucking laying there just, you know, in a 16 by 20 fucking leglock. I don't think you ever see any of those gentlemen fight again. Just like you never even see most of these girls compete in this competition. I think it's fucked up. Okay. I also think it's, here's what I don't like. I don't think it like it's that we make it, oh, a woman can't be pretty, that that's a bad thing, you know?

I agree. There's this thing where it's just ugly women writing articles saying that because they like to write that they, that they, that they, that they, want to bring everything down that's about looks i don't think it's fair you know i don't think it's fair at all like no one's forcing these girls to enter a beauty competition no one is they enter it because they look a certain way that is appeasing to their to people's eyes yes and then they want to be like i'm so appeasing maybe i can win some shit against other very pretty women they're like no let's make this more about brains well well i'll watch a spelling beat yeah they go on Jeopardy, but I'll go on a beauty competition.

Yeah. I'll watch Spellbound, you know, and imagine the kids are, you know, wearing swimsuits towards the end. Yes. But here's the thing you could get, though. You know, you could get women who aren't maybe some of the wisest ladies doing unique talents all of a sudden because they have to learn a talent on the fly. That would be so terrible to watch.

Oh, it would be terrible. Or I'd put them in their bikini and put helmets on them, have them ramming each other, like, ran. Oh, yeah. And then see who just kind of. That's good. You want ratings or not, bro? But I would love to see a chick who just learned how to do the shell game.

You know, that thing like it's over here. It's over here. Yeah. Or it's not like shitty magic. Yeah. You can see you're like hiding the car. That would be funny. But also, the thing for me is this was, like, the reason you have all the different things is it doesn't just go to the prettiest girl.

And it doesn't just go to. I think people are more accepting of all types of body types these days. And you could still have a bigger girl. or a more Rubin-esque lady in a swimsuit who gives a fucking dynamite answer who made herself look nice in the swimsuit who fucking wins the thing. Yeah, like Beth could win this thing.

Put her tits in a bikini south. And I bet people would like to see Beth. No joke. If you'd rip that answer and be sick. Bro. America. Yeah. Oh, America's her answer?

Yeah. What do you feel about the foreign exchange program and the underserving and kids are starving and people to the moon for the first time? And she just flops one of those tits on the table was America. Boom.

Place shuts down. Checkmate, dude. Checkmate, son. Checkmate. All right. This is a paraglider. Oh, I thought that was a guy stuck in a lawnmower. So he paraglided and fell into a forest and then check out what got jammed.

This is on Barstle into his shoulder. Oh. An entire tree branch, like the thick part of a tree branch. That's real. Damn. That's so Robocop. And the guy, he was like having fun with it. Check this thing on.

they blurred the images of course how's he not just like passing out dude see is tough as all is that cratum maybe he might be on cratim yeah he might be on cratim I love that I'm saying

dude how crazy this is see this is gonna all these kids are gonna start doing this now putting wood into their bodies and putting tree limbs into their bodies dude that must have hurt like a motherfucker uh yeah they have that one thing where they got hit by that javelin and that looks scary

where And one of my buddies was running one time in a Japanese restaurant because somebody said it was on fire and fell on a chopstick. What? And it fucking lods right between two of his ribs. How crazy is that? What's the worst thing you've ever had? Oh, I don't know.

Probably most of my, let me think. Oh, dude, when I was born or whenever I was like a child, I had a, my wiener hole was too small. And they had to cut it to be bigger, bro. Dude, no joke, bro. I could fucking piss and wash your teeth. teeth from here, Chin. Not even joking,

dude, and I wouldn't do that teeth. But it would look like a Chinese star. Like, it looks like a star. Like, it looks like a star. Like,

you know, a starfish dick. No, it's not a fucking starfish. It's a fucking little. I know, but your hole is like a starfish. Does it have to make slits?

Oh, no. Oh, no. Well, no. They didn't fucking turn it in like a fucking fancy shape it. It's just. Like a cookie cutter. Yeah.

It's not a star cookie cutter. That's how you piss. It's not like I'm pissing a Christmas tree or a jingle bell shape. No, it just was so small That when I would pee It would just shoot And there's some syndrome It's called where they have to make it larger

So I remember going into the hospital How old? Probably seven Damn, bro You can fix it earlier than that So you don't remember? I think we didn't have insurance or something You know?

She had to just fucking piss far for a long time Damn, so you went in and got that dick done Dude, I got a dig job I guess I did, but just the tip Just the tip Dude, yeah Urethral Strait Stricture treatment.

Damn, bro. You were born in a small dick hole. Yeah. Did it hurt when you peed? Big dick, baby hole. That's what they call me at school, baby hole. Damn. Oh, did it hurt when I peed?

That's the problem. It started to hurt. Because by a lot of horse pack trying to come through that little hole. Oh. Dude, it was like trying to get a million people just into an ant hill, you know? Oh. Damn. Yeah, man.

And it would, I mean, I could fucking, I mean, yeah. You could probably take a, You could spray. Oh, yeah. But not... You had super so good dick. Like you, say if I did it on you, you would feel like somebody was just gleaking on you. Like it was the lightest stream, bro.

That sounds kind of nice. So it would take me seven, eight minutes to piss, you know? Oh, my God. Exhausting. I hated it, dude. And then the crazy thing was I developed this thing. I was urine. I wet the bed.

I was almost probably 31. Damn, because of that? I just had severe anxiety. I would just, like, in my sleep, I would just be super nervous. and then I would just urinate so much, bro. When I was young, I remember I went to bed three times the same night, I'd have to get up, change my sheet. Yeah, he had some problems.

I was a child. Oh, that was exhausting. I think I was exhausted about that time I was probably 11. You looked tired. Yeah. But nothing like you were fucking. Tried from life, like. Nothing like.

Tried from pissing the bed non-stop. Oh, dude, I was working nights, I felt like. No, you have no time off. Oh, I had a job. You're pissing every other fucking minute in bed with your starfish, dick. You get no rest. Thank God it's fixed, man. Thank God, but they say it could flare up again, bro, but I'm ready now.

You're probably shooting ropes like silly string. Dude, you could definitely, bro. You could wash somebody's earlobe from about 11 feet away. Yeah, dude, so light, too. They would think maybe just, you know, like a small, like a tall insect came on them off of a tree brain. Like a hummingbird was spitting on him or something. What else you got, too? A hominberger just gleaked on their elbow.

A quick MMA one. Dana Wyatt was talking about getting rid of the early morning weigh-ins and going with the regular ceremonial ones, but those would be the official way-ins. Because so many people are missing it? Yeah. Yeah, they obviously have a problem. And why are people missing it? Can you tell me that?

Because I don't know. That's why I'm asking. Let's see. So appearing on UFC on filtered podcast, shout out to Matt, Sarah, and Jim Norton. Love those guys. White was asked if early wanes were to blame for the, weight problems his fighters have been having. He agreed that there's a clear connection.

And he announced the promotions looking at implementing later way-ins again. Yes, I do think it's that. And guess what? We're getting rid of it. We're looking at taking the wanes back to the way they used to be. So when the guy's way in there, uh, at the ceremony of Wayans, that will be it. That will be the real way in. Bro, can you fucking read any

faster? Jesus Christ, man. I can read, bro. Welcome. My bad. Damn, bro. I know. I ever re-teleprompting shit this day and age on TV, son. Well, Chin could have also made the print a little bit bigger. He does no justice. I got to like squint.

What is that a nine font? I don't know. Is that Helvetica? Yeah. You got this too reason with those fucking eyes, bro. I know. And you know what he's going through. And you got him reading at 11 feet away.

I know, bro. Be like, help a brother out, man. A Helvetica 9 with italics. That's that cradle. Like you didn't get all of it. Like, Chin, is your mouth watering because this is over here? Shake the bottle, bro. Watch him sweat.

I'm about just, fuck, paying you in cash. I'm just paying Kratum, Chin. Dude, I hope you get so addicted. You're just like, bro, I need another bottom. Like, there you go. There's fucking July. Just payment. Done.

Bro, let us put a couple of them up your ass right now, bro. That's a deposit. Yeah. You really want to get high or not, bro? Straight to the brain, bro. That should have turned you inside out now. Yeah, dude. Your fucking arms will grow, dog.

Yeah, you think putting that cratom in your fucking tea in the morning whatever's fun. Put that shit in your ass. Chin is trying to get wild. Hide nine grams in your ass. Your fucking arms will grow. You'll be able to hug your whole family at one in one scoop. You had to grow like Bobby's,

well. You'll be fucking, dude, you'll be doing anything you want to do, bro. You'll be the headbutt champ, yeah, think of something. You'll be doing it.

You'll be the headbutt champion in the world. Think of anything you'll be doing it. Dude, that's what you should do in China. You should get a kimono and fucking just wear sandals and stick, create them up your asshole. And then just fucking go nuts,

bro. What? Yeah. That doesn't sound like going nuts. You well go nuts. Dude, the fucking thing is that whenever you don't do drugs or alcohol, you got to do crazy shit. That's what I'm saying. They say isn't a drug, so you put that in an asshole.

You show everyone your starfish dick. China, you're making bank. Dude, they had this guy growing up, Walter or Mr. Walter, people called him, but I don't even know. I don't think it matters what you called him, really, because he would give us 20 bucks to look at his asshole from like 40 feet away from him. How crazy is that? You had a hairy asshole? Oh, I don't know. I was a kid, man.

You don't want to make bang, bro? Oh, I'd make the money. We got the money. Oh, so you remember, so you saw it a few times. But from 40 feet away, you can't see it that good. Yeah, it just looks like a, by an eye. It's like a dark hole. Bro, and he'd play brown-eyed girl on his car stereo while he'd do it.

Wow. How crazy is that? Damn, you're like you didn't touch you or nothing. Yeah, he wasn't like that. He wasn't brave like that. He was just kind of chill and... He had cash, though. He'd do it on Friday's when he got paid or he already said cash?

When did he do it? You know when he would do it? Whenever we were kids were supposed to be at school, but there was like a parent teacher or something. So all kids were home. Oh, doing like Labor Day and shit. Yeah, you do it like on weird days like that when your parents maybe still had to work, but you- Like Columbus Day. But you were home. Yeah, Columbus Day. Like you know if it's Columbus Day. You're still not that man's assail. But you're making pay, bro. Oh, do you? Slurpees, whatever that money. This is $20.91. Oh, bro. Ball. And I, if I had, if I remember my mom would give me $10 cash sometimes, I'd walk up with my brother to Brunswick. It was a bowling alley. And I would get French fries from there. And I'd walk. was 7-11, I'd get myself a nice cold Coke or Dr. Pepper or a fresca. Usually a fresca. I would get fresca and fries, bro.

And then you know what I'd do? I'd get... Come out the closet? That's obviously a... A fresca and fries? That's a come out of closet meal. Curly fries, bro. Oh, damn.

Yeah, dude, when's last time I made a curly fries? Hey, I'd eat regular fries, but why don't you fucking curl so they go with my fresca. Wow, dude. Yeah, I know. Sounds like a suck-in-your-dick meal, but it's not, bro. What'd you do for dessert?

Suck your own dick. That sounds horrible, man. You finish it off by sucking dick. Hey, no, you know what I would do? I'd go to 7-Leon and go to, I'd get Doritos, right? And then I'd go to the nacho cheese. I'd dump nach cheese in the Doritos. You ever had Doritos with nach-che cheese on it?

Did you have a fucking live, Theo? Bro, how do you get that starfish dick? You're doing nothing with it. You're doing nothing with it. Bro, you have a Mexican one. wife and Jotter and refuse to learn Spanish, okay? But yeah, you'll come home with nacho cheese on your Doritos. That's when I was a kid, bro.

Yeah. I was nine. But you cared more about assimilating then than you do now, man. How's that Mexican? Doritos and nacho cheese is not Mexican. There's something super Mexican about it. Oh, wow. That's racist, bro.

I don't think it is. Now if I said I put lime all over the top of them, that would be racist. It's called Limon, okay? Get your fucking family tight. bro i'm telling you man you're just being lazy not making money off that dick what else you got chin uh just is a follow-up on an may one that girl andria lee who has a husband who is also her coach

that has nazi tattoos on his arm they just found everyone just found out recently through a picture this picture here and then uh so he initially was saying like he would not cover it up because even though he's past all that he looks at it as like a reminder of who he was when he was that young and did it that's a lie yeah so now after all this backlash everyone is saying like why aren't you covering it up apparently he's saying she's saying that he'll cover it up if it the tattoo artist can make it look less trashier than it is right what do you think it's all excuses now what i some people reach out to me on uh in my dm's letting them dms and they were saying that if you get those and you

cover them up those other people who are in that group that will find you and fuck you up oh so it's more of a it's more yeah well i don't know how you should do you deal with it but they were saying like once you're in that club if you do disrespect that stuff and they find out they come like it's more of a fair base thing right which i don't know if i buy that excuse either i don't know that underworld you probably do theo but um uh you got to cover them up or just wear long sleeves like a fat kid at the pool you can't first of all i know this i know the gentleman is from louisiana i believe so you can't wear long sleeves down there you know you'll die and uh but second of all if it's part of his past like what do we

you know SS and Swastika I agree Nazi symbol Look I agree It's bad stuff But here's the thing

He probably was a dumb kid Who didn't know anything about it I bet he knew it had You know now if he's all Anti-Semitical And that kind of shit That's one thing If he's a dumb kid

That was in a fucking Got into a gang Because he didn't have any parenting He was in prison Okay In prison So you got to join a group And he made him

Or you know He felt like he had to do that To survive But wouldn't you cover him As a grown man Right As a certain Like if I have

tattoos and I've had tattoos cover not because they're racist shit just because they're terrible right and like say if you had anything on your arm that would offend anyone as a comic or anyone don't you think you would cover it right so at this point in life yeah I would I would get it adjusted he's 40 and he's the head coach of his wife or girl yeah just got to the UFC and now everyone was talking about his dumb ass instead of her right and what all you got to do is cover him and if I'm the UFC I'm not letting him corner right I'm going you bro you got to cover those up. And if I'm you, Reebok, I'm like, we can't give you a fight kit. We're this

blank one. Right. Yeah, wear this yeah, wear a fucking onesie. Here's a white one. Here's a hood. Yeah. Wear a onesie. Yeah, he should. He should get him adjusted, right? But I think that you've got to give like, you know, at least just understand his story. I think there has to be some understanding of his story.

Unless he's a fucking anti-Semitical weirdo, then you just can't. I feel like if you leave those, there has to be some, you got a touch of racism in you, right? If you continue to leave it on, that's a good point. Like, there's something going on there. Okay, yeah. If you flaunting them, then yeah, there's something going on there.

Which then that goes back to the, if you're like anti-Semitical, man, you just can't do that. You can't, you just can't blindly hate people. I don't look at that picture and go, no, they're not racist. Yeah. I don't know, man. But see, I'm from, you know, I'm from an area like that and not everybody's racist. But do they have swashka tattoos? Great point.

If I did see somebody with that, I. I'd be like, And SS tattoos? Hell of question. And what is SS tattoos? SS, Hitler. Nazis. SS what?

The SS. The ship? No, SS is what they called the Nazis. SS. Shush. Stafel. Oh, the shitstaffel. Yeah, but it stands for Satan.

Is it? That's what it is there. I thought it was stuff fell. No, but there's the SS, it stands for something. Shut and Stoffel. Oh, wow. I didn't realize all that. Yeah, well, if he's got all of that shit.

then, man, you got to tighten up. You got to tighten up. You got to tighten up. But if you just cover, remember, I'm like, oh, good, man. But then, like I said, people are DM me going, dude, it doesn't really work like if he covers him. Then he has to worry about his safety.

Well, and see, then that's why I'd love for him to say, look, the reason that I got these is because this is what was on the line for me. Correct. I didn't have a choice. And if it, you know, and then, you know, if you don't understand that, who's not going to understand that? I feel like Jewish people, would because they, that's what happened to them.

If he was like, yo, I had to get him for my safety. I'd listen, when I'd say in prison, there's groups and you got to join a group because if you're on your own, you can get fucked in the ass a ton. So I signed with the, you know, with the white supremacist. I had to get these tattoos in order for my protection. I'm a grown man

now. Should probably get him covered. But I'm told if I get him covered, they're going to come find me and fuck up me and my family. So I can't do that either. I'm just going to wear a long sleeve from now on. I'm a different man. There you go. That's good. Yep. I like that. I think that that makes sense. But I think he should explain, I mean, I think there's an opportunity for some learning here. So he should explain.

If that's the truth. Who knows if people DMM here are telling the truth? He could also be like, look, I got, I chose to get him at a time of life. I didn't even have no idea what they meant. But also are the white supremacist like, well, let's see if he removed him. Well, he still has them. He's safe with us. Yeah, that's true.

They have other race shit to do? But I think that, yeah, I think it's a good opportunity for him if he gave us a fuck to shed some light on some stuff and help people learn, like why people do that kind of stuff. from what happened. And then also in the end... Like, how many guys have the... Obviously, it's not racist. How many guys have the cobweb tattoo on their forearms somewhere? Because that usually means you've been in prison.

Really? That's what it symbolizes. Yeah, you did. I thought it meant you were a chimney suite. Nope. Damn. Nope. It's like a, you know, pretty common tattoo for prisons.

Yeah, it means you... Because I'll see those dudes and be like, man, how's the soot going? What else you got here? How's a soot game? Are you guys fans of John Wick? the Keanu Reeves movie I don't No

Alright we'll move off There's part three or some shit Yeah part three's coming out next year Don't give a fuck People love it though Do you kill anyone Because his dog died Yeah that's how

Sluts and stuff You can't just blindly hit a group anymore for no reason You see on the Nazis though Yeah Well it just makes me think You can't you just Like that's just such an old idea

You know It's like there's no Yeah You can't do it Well there's neo Nazis But yeah What else you got you? All right

There was talk about Jared Little being in a Joker movie all by himself, starring it. So that is apparently confirmed now. Wow. And there's also another movie where Joker is going to be played by Joaquin Phoenix, and Martin Scorsese is going to be directing it. So both of those movies are coming out around the same time. That's my boys. Double Joker movies?

Yeah. Two different Joker movies. The one Joaquin Phoenix is playing is the purifier. My boy's the agent for the directors and that. He said it's amazing. These boots are made for Walker. I'm going to open up a shoe store. I'm a watch a fan.

Oh, yeah. Joaquin could, Joaquin. And I'm going to fucking act his ass off. Bro, he could act, dude. If he could be whatever he wanted, he could be an animal, I bet. I bet if they let him grow his hair out around his eyes and over his nose and over his whole body. You could trick you into thinking he's like a lion.

An animal or like a lion that have been hit by lightning. Yeah. Like a real actual lion. Yeah. Yeah. And people for years, we've like, oh, yeah, we've got this endangered lionie. You know, he goes by the name of Jackie. and secretly he's winking that it's

Joaquin. I can't get enough of I'm down for Jared Leto and Joaquin Phoenix. Double jokers. Yeah, I'm down. Let's have a Joker off. They should start doing that with movies

where they come out with two movies at the same time. See what you like more? And he had one of them wins and the other one has to fucking go home. It's kind of what they did with Spider-Man, right? There's been three versions of Spider-Man. The new one sucks ass.

Well, Spider-Man. Toby McGuire was Spider-Man to me as a kid. Yeah. And Spider-Man, he didn't do much. You're fucking swing. Swinging around the city with some fucking silk. In love with a redhead? Yeah, dude, that's like every, I mean, yeah, you're basically, you're basically just a haberdasher.

And you're somebody that makes suits. And how about he's still broke? Yeah. How about he's like a college kid or something? It's like, what the fuck? Yeah. You're the only superhole was broke all the time. And you can't change your clothes legally in a phone booth anymore.

So you'll go to jail. Yeah. That's Superman, but I hear you. Yeah, but sometimes they steal each other's, like, changing my ideas. I love the joke though What else you got you in Another movie coming out The finishing last final Friday is coming out

You like the Fridays Yeah like I can't get enough of them Really? I love all three of them I think this one's gonna suck dick Yeah no this one it's way too late And Tucker's not a part of it apparently Yeah but is Mike Epps Mike Epps is yeah

Mike Epps in the last two So that's all you care about Chris Tucker You know he got famous off the first Friday And said peace Yeah When did rush hour and kind of blew up Yeah and then he disappeared really

You got thick. Kind of thick, yeah. He looked like he got stung by a whole bunch of these. Matt, Chris Tucker. Yeah, he has stung. He got stung by that urban sugar. You got stung by them hornets. There's a big difference.

There's urban sugar hornets, dude. Them hornets with the abs. Well, black people don't do super well with a lot of sugar. You know, it's like white people don't do well with a lot of sunlight. It's like everybody has their arch nemesis. Yeah. White people and gluten, I think. Yeah, some lame white people can't handle gluten.

Yeah, I thrive off of it. You do? Yeah. Yeah. You seem like a fucking. dude, that's rolled oats in his fucking cheeks, bro. Yeah, bro.

Are you a fan of Friday, Chin? The first one I loved. Actually, the first one and second one. The second one's great. Then after that, I mean... They go to Rancho Cougamongo. With the Cholos and everything? Yeah.

The third one's great, too. I don't like the third one. Oh, I love the third one. The third one with... Weren't these security guards in the third one? There are security guards, but that... Remember homeboys in it? The fucking...

The pimp. Oh, come on. Famous comedian. Who? The big, big, no, the small guy. Pimp, pimp, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, p, in. Oh, shoot. Oh, there you go. He's the best. He's in this one?

He was in the third one. He should be in all of them. Cat Williams should just be a reality show. Oh, and then also, who's a homeboy, the big black dude who was saying that he got sexually harassed, the Me Too movement. Oh, yeah, Rall, uh, what's the big, Larry Donnell Rawlings? No. No, you're talking about the Old Spice. Not the Old Spice guy.

Oh, Terry Cruz. Terry Cruz. Yeah, yeah, Terry. Cruz. Somebody grabbed his dick. Yeah, and he's like, I feel offended, all this shit. Joey Diaz talked about that on his special. Yeah, yeah. It's a great bit. But with Terry Cruz, he was great in that.

And he's gay. He's out of prison. That's cratim. It's everywhere. Yeah, you want something? What, bro? Keep asking about it, bro. You want something or not?

Just take it. Well, I just noticed that there's a bunch of it on a table. A lot of pills. I think, I don't know where those came from. I think Chin was sniffing them. I know. Dude, bust a gram up, Chin. I'll watch an Asian guy to do some crateum.

Yeah, me too. You know, I'd watch that on the YouTube. Shit, me. We'll get a bunch of these, you sniffed that shit up that old shit. Are you packing them in your lip, like, chew or some shit? Sometimes. I think this is going to be bad, though. And I just...

It's true. Yeah. Dude, one of the things I have about TV... I'll watch it. Television's too clear these days. You notice that? People are busted. You can see their makeup and shit, the HD.

It's way too clear. Yeah. Like, you lose the illusion that it's not real. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. You know? And I don't know why that they haven't figured out that people don't like it.

it that clear. When you can see it just like clear than real life, it almost doesn't seem fun anymore. Yes. Yeah. It doesn't seem fun anymore. It's the frame rates. And you know, that's why soap wrappers look the way they look. It's just too clear. Everyone's moving too normally. Yeah. Like it's your, you're in the room with them. People don't

like that. No, I don't like that. Yeah. And why don't they realize that that people don't like that? Dude, I watched dances at wolves the other day in 4K or something. Dude, it looked like... God damn 4K. Bro, it was, it looked like, you know, a bunch of people just camping in fucking Oklahoma. Yeah, yeah.

It's too much. It's too much, man. I agree. It's too much. Like, I'll watch some of those sitcoms and shit on NBC or ABC, and it's I mean, you can sell the makeups cake. Yeah, that's gross. And it's all tightly shot now. They don't let anybody really do any acting. It's just like, dun, dun, dun, done, da.

All edited. It's all gotten so bad, man. That's why we stayed here. This one, it's not a bigger deal. You got to bounce out? What time is it? 215. God, when you and I get on, man, we go hard in the paint. All right, here's the last one, because this is in China. We do, man.

This is in China. This is in China. So this is for you. A crayfish removed his claw to escape a hot pot. But if you look at it, it's not that crazy. So I'll show you real quick. It looks like he's being grabbed, right? By other crawfish?

Right. Then he goes, you go screw this. I'm going to take my own claw off. So he takes it off. Here. Boom. And then he bounces. Oh, wow.

But there's no other. things grabbing himself. There could be down in that sauce. You don't know what's in that sauce. It's true. Hold up. This is a crawl dad, which you've had a ton of those, huh? You suck the heads, drinks the tails? Yeah, sometimes I'll switch the idea up too depending on how I'm feeling. Yeah.

But hold on, so he's in that sauce. Boiling water right there, boiling sauce. And he just ripped his own hand off to get away? Yeah. Maybe something was wrong with his arm. Yeah, maybe he could feel like the meat separated from their arm. He's like, I didn't get this shit off. Maybe he had gout. You never know, dude

I'd get gout too If I'm in that big pot Of salty water Maybe he's on that cratum You go To crazy stuff You do crazy shit Yeah bro

Maybe he's on that cratom Tendom Maybe that's that craw-cratum Brough that cratim Sometimes Chinna take a shillot of Cratim and then start playing The guitar Really?

In the dark And that's where Garrett Brooks comes out Oh yeah dude Gar-Brook Good idea Dude let's give chin some Cratim and see if he

Pulls both of his fucking arms off That would be awesome Dude, they had to do with no arms In my neighborhood growing up Used to fight everybody, bro You kick him, right? Like a clawless cat?

No, he would snatch him in his neck And then choke him out I've seen that Like a fucking snake brother's boy Gert Gerted it, is that it, Chin? That's it. Yeah, dude, I'm gonna be in Chicago too I'm telling you guys now

You're doing stand-up in Chicago? Yep, August 16th, 17th, and 18 We're at? At Laugh Factory. Laugh Factory. Yep. So I'm excited. I'm going to Raleigh in a few weeks.

I'm excited about that. You and I are doing a show together. Oh, yeah. I think July 18th. Yep. Comedy store. At the comedy store. Theo and I together.

We may stack other people on it. We'll put other people on for sure. Yeah, but we're going to go do it. It's going to be fun. Theo and Shob show. Maybe we'll have a chin out there. The Rat King. I'll definitely be there.

The Rat King and the Beast thing. Yeah, the Rat King and the Bat King, putting a show on at the Comedy Store. Bring your fucking Epi pin, bro. Throw him at fucking Shob when he's on stage. Yeah, bro. Bring him. And also bring your crate him, too. Let's get loose in that bitch.

Oh, dude. Dude, bro. Let's bring Shinn on stage and have him just suck Cratom through his asshole. What? I'll do it. No, bro. He said I'll do it, bro. And play the guitar.

You guys need to help, man. Yeah, bro. No, let's just see Jim pull off one of his fucking arms, too. Yeah, that would be cool, too. Like, pull off his hand. Yeah, let's enter him in the Miss America page. And that's his special talent. Takes his hand up.

He swallows two cradens, throws his arm, leaves it on stage. No. Yeah. You should do that. Yeah. You should do that. Gang, gang, bro. You'll be in Chicago.

The champion. I'll be in Chicago. Where else? I'm going to be in Raleigh coming up in about a month. Toronto, I'll be at the Just for Last film festival. Go get those tickets. And pick me as one of the acts you want to see. For sure.

And then are you going to be in town next week? Yeah, I'll be in town next week. I'm going to Oklahoma this week. Next week. No. The 15th? A 15th. Let me see.

Where are you going to be? You got a show? Yeah, come do a set at the ice house with me. Oh, really? Yeah. I'd love that. Let's do it, brother. I love it out there.

The 15th, I'll be at a damn. Oh, I'll be in Calgary. You making shit up right now? No. We'll be in Calgary. Oh, shit, man. I'll be in Iran. My bad.

Will you? No, that's what you said. Oh, shit, I'll be here the 15th and you look down. Yeah, do a statement. Ah, fuck, man. I'm in the Congo on the 15th. I thought you meant September. Dude, I'll be in the Congo,

score more cratim for you. Scraping out of the trees, Doug. She needs that. Let's get like a rare element and see if we can Put a pill in it? Yeah, make it into something dope. Like what, though?

I don't know. There's got to be something. Like porcupine blood. Yeah. Something that makes your fucking neck feel real, real loose. Imagine something that made your neck weak and you had to hold your fucking head up

like this while you're talking to people. Oh, man. By your hair? Yeah, people are like, damn, are you about to pull your hair out? Like, nah, motherfucker. My neck is twisted. My neck is done.

But I feel good. Yeah. I still want to be able to fucking pay attention. Watch this. Go see Theo next week. Is it next week in Chicago? August 16th, 17th, 18th to Chicago. Next week I'll be in Calgary.

This week we've already sold out in Oklahoma this week. Oklahoma works. West Salem Springs. That's where I'm at, dog. Really? But I'm there July 7th. Oh, nice, man. I'm slaying some jokes and you watch the UFC.

fights with me. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, that's a fun thing. Yeah. Dude, because they probably got a nice set up there to watch the fights and stuff. Yeah. So I'm doing an hour of stand-up and then I'll chill after and watch the fights with everyone. I'm going to watch some of these fights this weekend, man. Do it, bro. Let me know what you think. Text me. Yeah, I'll let you know what I think about a couple of them. Let me know, dog. I'll be, the ice house is the 15th next Friday. There are 20 tickets left at that show. And then the following week, June 22nd, 23rd. I'm at Houston, Houston Improv. And then after that, July 7th. It's a big UFC night,

so I'll be doing Cherokee Casino in Oklahoma. Our stand-up, then I'll watch the fights with you guys. That's one night, one show only. And then after I'm a Spokane, Spokane, Washington.

Get your tickets now at DefactA.com. It's the Rat King and the Beast. Thank you guys so much, man. Thanks, Chan. I appreciate it. Thank you, O'Von, everybody. This is the fighter and the Vaughn. I'm out.