The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 389 Andrew Santino

Episode Date: October 26, 2025

Comedian/actor Andrew Santino joins Brendan and Bryan to talk Louis CK's return to stand up and controversy, good looking redheads, writing and acting in MTV's Punk'd, I'm Dying Up Here ending, vacationing in Capri Island and Japan, real vs fake Wagyu & Kobe beef, difficulty remembering names, The Godfather, Sopranos, Game Of Thrones, nervous pissing, home buying hassles, giant Tapir dongs and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it. baby lift your shield and now from the on it studios in playa vista california it is the moment you've been waiting for the fighter and the kid is coming at you live no no we're not live it doesn't matter sounds better when you see it live but we're not live we don't do it out man and now

it's the fighter and the kid live not live this is not live not live Dude, let's roll because I got some shit I want to say. Let's go. Let's, I want to say some shit. I'm feeling good. We're feeling pumped. You did? I definitely did it.

Well, we're going to get into it. Okay, I'm ready to get into it. The best-looking redhead on planet Earth is here. By the way, by the way, that's a good thing. There's not many of you, are there? No, there's about six, six or seven. No, and the kid works. In the total universe.

I think there's six good-looking redheads and five are women. That's a legit point. You're right. Are we rolling? I'd say you and Canelo. Yeah, well, he's not, but he's, um, uh, he's like, uh, cinnamon, he's Mexican. Well, that's what it is. He's Mexican.

Yeah, but Mexican, he's already got sexy dark skin. So he's not really one of us, bro. He's like, you lie to you. No, he's not his, he's not as, he's not as light. He is light. There's no, look at that. There's no chance he's that way. You guys have the same body.

But you know what he gets, when he can, he can actually get tans. So a lot of redheads, a lot of ginger smolder in the sun. Yeah, they get burnt. You've got Santino. Santino. Santino is it Italian. It's Siciliano. Now, my godfather, hold on, take a seat for a sec.

Tell us about your family. Take a seat. My godfather, red man, gemelli. Red man, gemelli. Is that a drink? As red as you are, as red as you are. But with that brown kind of thing, that Archie from the comic books. Yeah, yeah, Archie, yeah, yeah.

Old school. You're good looking kid. Thank you. You look good. You look really good. You lost some weight. Last time I saw you, you were so fat. For the listeners, this is Andrew Santino.

The great comic, and I'm glad I want to get into that, but thank you for saying that because yesterday, this is important. I did a CrossFit workout. Now, I went, I went pull-ups, I went dips, and then I went bench. Now, my upper body was screaming, as you can imagine. Yeah, oh, my God. And then I went, I'll give you a break. My upper body was like, thank you. And then I go, but we're getting under the squat rack.

And then we're going to pause at the bottom. How long? You taking two second pause? No, it's a five, it's five down, and then burst back up. Then I worked for 14 hours. Then I walked my kids to school. I got a lot of shit going on, and he's wearing no shoes. This doesn't add up, B.

Well, you worked out to get school, but then you worked 14 hours, huh? So, so I worked out, I had a 1 o'clock call. I worked out. One o'clock time? Yes, sir. Okay. In the afternoon. I worked until.

Quick math, what's 14 hours after 1 o'clock? Well, I actually worked 13 hours. I wrapped at 2 o'clock exactly. In the morning, yes. That was a lot of fun. Woke up, walked my kids to school. I still got energy. You're wearing those shoes.

You fall in the UFC. I can do this. You can do this. You have the worst shoes that I've ever seen you with. What are you doing those? You have really bad shoe games. Did you do the crossfit in them? Guys.

Show with the people at home how awful those are. These are my Pegasus. They're running shoes that I want. With jeans and business socks? Those are those thin business socks? Are those paper thin business socks? Those men's warehouse socks? Yeah.

You don't. Those paper mache socks that you've got on? Come on, hey, let's team up on them. Are those paper mache socks? See what going on? I don't know. Do you not have real socks, Brian? Yeah, I do, but I wore these because they don't crowd my toes.

You're embarrassing. You're embarrassing as a man and a friend. I got to get out of here. You guys are boring. Thanks for your time, dude. Thank you, man. Listen, you worked a 14-hour day you were bragging. Yeah.

I get it. You're making lots of money. You're Mr. Goldberg. Yeah. You're Mr. Goldberg. Well, I mean, well, you're Mr. I'm dying up here. It's finally wrapped. It died.

Yeah, they died. I'm dead up here. They killed the show. Yeah, they killed the show. You've not stopped working, though, right? Two seasons, yeah. The second one was like, really? Like, that was like, their phone call, I said, really?

That's what I said when they called me. I was up in Mammoth. I was up a mammoth. I got to my phone. There was like 15 missed calls. And it was my agent was like, hey, they picked up that show. And I was like, seriously? Wow.

Wow. Why serious? Because we had seven people watch it the first season. Yeah. Any of your listeners would go, I've never heard of that show in my entire life. We did two seasons on showtime. Showtime Massive Network

Seven people saw it Yeah My mom, my dad My Aunt Carol Barb my neighbor Me My old landlord and you Yeah

What did you think of the show I didn't see it But as a comic Thanks for watching It probably I know It was based loosely around

The comedy store I missy right So like the quickest way I can do this Because I don't want to spend too much time on it Because it's over It's over

Yeah I don't spend time on my past You guys want to talk about My dad that left too Yeah let's talk about my past Tell us that time you bombed Yeah Did your dad live

I want to hear about that. Oh, come on. Look at me. No, it was, there's a book called him dying and Pierre, this guy William Nelt Settler that wrote it years ago. It's basically about the history of the comedy story in the 70s, around the strike. For people that don't know, that was a big deal. And he was good friends with Richard Lewis. That's kind of the impetus for this whole thing. Do you know Richard Lewis being? Yeah. Yeah. Bo Coo. You remember the Bocou commercials? Do you remember those? I remember everything about it. He was kind of the impetus for the whole book in terms of the lens of which

the writer got to see the comedy store, right? Anyway, long story, there's the Boku ad. Look at how great that is. Boku, that commercial was so terrible. That was a fruit drink in a box. That's what it was. It's kind of like it is today, though, you know? So, anyway, yes, we're loosely based on the comedy store

in the 70s, but we talk about the store because we didn't have the legal right to say we were at the comedy store. You didn't have legal right? We were called gold. The store didn't. Dude, you want to crack that case? Because the... Crack it, does? Because Mitzie was not into that when she was alive ever. And then when she passed, which is when Jim approached the Shore family about it.

Jim Carrey. Yeah, because Jim Carrey produced it. They were like, no, you guys can't use the name. It's surprising to me, right? Yeah, because he made that club. Like, he's one of the guys that made that club in its heyday. Him and Robin and Pryor. I mean, there were guys that, like, were the biggest names of comedy at that place.

You could also argue that Mitzie made that club in the sense that she could. You know what I mean, though, comment twice. He was a significant part of it. He was the coolest young, I mean, look, to this day, he was the highest paid comedic actor of all time with no training who came out of nowhere. Name another guy that got $20 million of film after like three years of being in film. Didn't exist. I mean, Kevin Hart might be the closest guy to it in our generation. But even Kevin, I don't think even he's getting that kind of scale.

Also, also Kerry's ability to do his range as an actor. It was just weird that Here's how good he was. The comedy store wouldn't do it. No, dude. It doesn't hurt him of that name. She was always in character. Yeah, she was.

But I know, like, I forget who it was. Maybe it was a comic. A Maren Show was saying how he was, like, he thought the problem with the shows, they didn't show enough of how fun. Oh, Leno. Leno was saying, my issue with the show,

he goes, I watched it, it was a great time. Like, there was some really good times there. He said there was too much angst, which was literally my issue with. the show was I was like man this is too too much sad it's dark it's way too dark I mean the best hangout ever yeah they don't show them they should have made it way more fun but again that was also like all that stuff you do enough TV you know it's out of your hand at some point you're like I'm just doing it falls on your shoulders you let us all down you know the comedy store the comedy store

though like 10 years ago and more yeah what actually when I first got to L.A. was 1968 yeah the comedy store was such a chaotic place like right now it's a really profitable everybody from all of the world comes back in the day like I'm talking about 12 years ago it was not only dead but it was just there were secret rooms shit went on in that place

yeah I moved to LA in 2006 and when I first started trying to go to mics there all I remember is how awful of a place it was it was disgusting and you came out of Boston Chicago I'm from Chicago but I moved from college I came from here from I came right out of college Arizona State that's a fine institution what did you you study. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know. What do you want to say? That's Arizona State.

Yeah. What did you study? I was there. Why did I think? I stuck around. I stuck around for four years. They'd let me stay. Yeah. My father was like, are you having trouble going to class? I was like, you know, I'm here. What do you want me to? Yeah. I'm a redhead in Arizona. At the time, it was the cheapest out of state school in the country. I probably was paying $2,000 a year to go to Arizona State. What a great deal. They just needed people. They were like, come on over. We don't even care what you're doing here. We just want to fill numbers. Because they wanted to be Texas. They wanted to be the biggest school in the country. When did you start doing stand-up? You know, it's funny because I didn't know.

I literally, my introduction to you was you were up on state, you were about to go on stage at the Laugh Factory, and three or four younger comments goes, you've got to watch this guy. Have you seen Andrew Santino? And I went, I swear to God. And I went, no. And then I watched you for great.

I don't know, probably literally three years ago. Yeah, two months. Two weeks ago, he just found out of, yeah, I was like, where'd this fucking guy come from out of nowhere? field. Yeah. Yeah. I stayed away from the store for a long, long time. Why? Um, that whole scene was not, people that go today, they have no idea what it was like. Also, a lot of the older generation when I first came in was not so pleasant. Now, like, as a, as a, as a regular there of the people that are working at that club, the young guys that come in, I'm always nice to

those guys. It wasn't like that. Used to be like, get the fuck out of here. They'd shoot you down. It was just, you weren't welcome. 20 years ago is when I first got up on stage and showcased for Mitzie. I bombed. Oh, yeah. It was 20, actually it was 20 years ago. I did my stuff and no one laughed and I had three minutes. Yeah. And

they were like, and Rogan, Joe Rogan recommended me. Oh, he did? That's always nice to get a recommendation. Joe was a regular as a... And I was so turned off by that place. Yeah. It was such an awful experience that I didn't go back until, well, 10 years, 11 years later. Oh, wow. And even then, it wasn't

even as good as it. It didn't start to get a good until five years ago. When did you started doing all this acting 2010 the first thing I ever did was I got this little hosting job and after I did the hosting job they asked me to do like this online series for MSN

and after that I just tried to try my hand and stuff and then I did in 2010 I did punked when they did punked again like the very last season that punked had done I joined up with those guys What did you do for punk? I was on it I wrote the show and I was on it. Oh, wow. I did a lot for those guys for Ashton and Goldberg that they were like,

you know, they were making other pilots in the meantime. He's like, I think we're going to do punked again. And I had written like two other hidden camera shows. Me and Ian Edwards wrote this Comedy Central pilot for them. I had just met Ian. He with open arms was like, you know, help me out, learn how to write sketches for Comedy Central. We wrote this pilot that I thought, I talked about it on Rogan. I thought it was one of the funniest things I've ever done and it never went anywhere. But we wrote some amazing sketches, like incredibly funny. Well, I told, I did this, I talked about this on Rogan recently, but like, we did a sketch called Melan and Mayo, where the star of the show was this black kid Al Shear, we convinced people

in a test group that mayonnaise they were eating that was dyed brown was going to give them melanin in their skin. But we told them after they ate the sandwiches. So those white people are like, I'm going to go black. I'm going to go black. Lost their brain. But we wrote a bunch of amazing sketches. Yeah, they lost their mind. Yeah, they almost tried. A bunch of people what is threatening to sue. Trying to throw up. Oh my God. We wrote a bunch of those sketches and they just,

but anyway, that was my intro to that world. And then I did punkton after punked, I slowly started getting in, you know, I did the office, I did a few different stars. You did the office? Yeah, I did the second last season. Did you study acting or? I did, I did, in college, I did journalism

and I did a little bit of theater. I was, in my creative writing class, this woman came in and was looking for people to, like, fill in for this play. and she had said, she was like, oh, I can tell that you have, you have something more

than you're, like, putting on because you're big and you're, you know, you're loud, you're just pretending that you don't know how to do it. You should come try. So the first thing I ever did for this woman was I did the vagina monologues.

I was the only guy in the vagina monologues. Oh, Christ. Yeah, doing, playing a guy who beats his, who beats his pregnant wife. Jesus. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's so true to life.

So it was easy for me, you know. I've been hitting pregnant women for years. I know, I know. Yeah, that wasn't an issue for me. I looked at you. That's why his right hand is so fat and swole. I know, man. It's all red.

These knucks. Look at some of these photos. Some of those are real terrible. Why is Joe Mandy on there? What an odd? Who's the guy in the cutoff? What's the guy in the cutoff shirt? That's me.

That's leather daddy. What are you doing, bro? That's leather daddy. Santino puts on muscle easily. Why did you do that? Why did I do that? Why wouldn't I do that? I agree.

The photographer said I got this weird leather jacket. I said, of course. Brennan, stop laughing at that. I love it because he goes, why wouldn't I do that? That's a great question. And then Oscar Nunez is above me. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Who's the guy with the shirt off?

Is that Santino? Oh. There you are, buddy. It may as well be you. Dude, you are a good looking ginger. Look at that. Look at the top of those pubs. Thank you.

Look at it. You could see the base of his dick right there. Yeah, that's all. That's not good thing. That's his root. That's his root. That's the roots. It's jumping, Doug.

The roots, baby. Anyway, get all these pictures off of me. Yeah, please, too. It's uncomfortable. Go anywhere else. Go to Yahoo. Give me Yahoo News. Go to anywhere else.

Do you go back to Chicago a lot? I fucking love it out there, man. I was just saying the other day how much I miss it. I get in these moods twice a year in the dog days of summer, which is right now, and right before Christmas, I'm like, I can't live here anymore. I got to go back to Chicago. In the winters, I don't care. I don't even care.

You know why? Because you get around each other and you eat food and you drink and you hang out. This whole, like, X, Y, Z is bad in the winter. No one cares there. They bitch about it, but they really are like, he gives us an opportunity to sit in a room together and hang out. In L.A., you don't sit in a room with anybody. It's true.

Unless you're doing a podcast. Fucking true. Or a meeting, yeah. Yeah, when's the last time you just were like, hey, come over, we'll sit together and hang out. Or have a dinner. Well, I mean, my family every night, but yeah, I hear you. Your family?

You care about those people? That's a forced thing. You don't want to do that. You don't love your family. That's a full, when someone's like you love your kids or your wife, it's like, No. I guess. Yeah, yeah.

I guess. I have to. Yeah, yeah. It's not like I went out of my way to be like, I really want to hang with these people. I have to. Yeah. Yeah.

Literally have. But friends. Like, you're right, like a group of people that you meet with. There's nothing like it. It doesn't exist. Like my friends in Chicago,

I get jealous. They have friends that they see after work. You know how like nice and simple that is? That's the nine to five life, though. That's so nice. Yeah. We don't fucking call your friends up and hang out with them after this podcast. This town's mercenary.

It's not. It's not. Too busy. Yeah. I have a lunch. I got to go to a thing. That's it. Everybody here is on their way somewhere.

They don't have time to stop. Yeah. This is a hundred percent. This is a transient city. It bothers. It's the one, my one gripe about Los Angeles. Zero community.

Nobody gets together and has like, you know. Do you know your neighbors? I actually do. Only because of kids. If you didn't have kids, when you didn't have kids, do you know neighbors? Correct, sir.

No. Without children, you don't know neighbors. Were you raised by fucking werewolves? I know my neighbors when I was single. I know my neighbors now. Yeah. What the fuck?

Well? Do you know them well? I mean, well enough as neighbors. What's your neighbor's first and last name? It's a large Indian family. The name is large Indian family. That's how you refer to these people. That is offensive.

That is so rude. In this climate, it's a large Indian. Hello, large Indian family. I know his name's Dan. His name is Dan is such a lie. What a lie. You made that name up. Dan is Dan the Indian.

Dan the Indian. Shout out to Dan. and the Indian. They're moving out next week now. Oh, and the guy next to me is literally 100 years old. Yeah. But L.A., it's just not the same. That's all it is. I love Los Angeles. Those

are the little things. So, yeah, I go home. I walk my kids to school today, and the crossing guard knows every kid's name. He's an older guy. He's like, hey, Finn. Hey, Terrence. It's the greatest thing in the world. It's the greatest thing in the world. So what do you want? I talk about this

a lot. In my mind, when I get out comedy and stuff when I'm done with all this not or when they just kick me out yeah I either want to do like something like that like crossing guard guy or like um golf cars a golf course marshal you know it just drives around that's kind of cool like move along we got speed it up guys I want to be that guy that guy or the crossing guard I want a simple fun like just chill job I outside you feel what you think I actually have an answer for that outside with shade what about a beekeeper that's no I want to be can I be I want to be I want to be I want to be I want to Be the boom-mike down on a porno set?

I want to teach theater direct plays in a prep school and probably in the northeast where I can have a German Shepherd wear tweed jackets and smoke a pipe. That's so specific. I know I want to be a gentleman. Mine was real broad. You know exactly the address that you're going to live at when you're done. Well, I feel like yours is pretty straight on too, though. I just want those. I don't know where it is, but I want something like that.

I don't know where in the United States of the world it is. Hey, if it was up to me, I just got back from Italy for three weeks. if I could do it I would move to Italy live on the island of Capri and just rent scooters there was an old man

renting a scooters motorized or you know you can do all this but I want to be the old guy that does that you're not setting your goals that hard

how fast are you want to go that's what he said how fast are you want to go I said as fast as it goes this one we take off the thing you go right at the mount I rented the fastest scooter

and I shit you not at one moment I was actually scared for my life what were you doing that living my life see this is the problem with LA what are you doing there who books who books Italy I was just going to live you're on vacation living yeah what remember that word well what you you're in a fucking tarho you're on Italy yeah I'm just trying to get out of my I'm just trying to

get out of my I'm just trying to get out of my head Andrew he's a young man yeah who is how old are you 35 okay same age I know yeah Brandon though has yeah but I'm 68 in life in lifetime Brendan is he's got this that pro athlete now of course I hate this pro athlete rubbing that in but he is what gets him going is business like being an entrepreneur comedy

and work is the work he'll never take a dot from working out work work work is what drives him and it's true that he could use a little you get out for you time you need some you time you take a little vacation you go to Capri you eat some great seafood

that sounds nice stare at some women in bikinis. I want to live on a working olive orchard. Olive. Yeah. And Olive. Again, you guys can do all of this. It's very easy to settle this. Now, you say that, you asked me why I went to Italy. I can do, I just did that. You have, that blew your mind

that I got on an airplane and took a vacation. So you can, what can you do? Well, I don't want to do that. Yes, you do. Yeah, you do. You want me to show you some photos? Bring up Capri on there. Show him the island of Capri. They say Capri. My gripe with him is he never hangs out anymore. Yeah, why? I'm with my family, man. I work so much. I like, I love my house. I just want to be home. That's fair.

Yeah, that's actually really... Like, I don't want to grab meals and... That's where I was. Woo! Look at that. That looks ridiculous. That's me eating lunch. Look, zoom in. That's me eating lunch. Zoom in. Look in the red spot. There is. Oh, I see you, dude. I'm serious. Look at that. You see that little orange canopy? Yep. Just you and the wife you went.

Yeah. Yeah. Just chilling. How long? Two, almost three weeks. Wow. You see that water? Yeah. It's blue. Swamming it. You can see all the way to the bottom. You see all the way to the bottom. Like, I'm not kidding about a hundred year. out. I know. You put on, I rented a, I rented a, you know, a snorkel. Best, best thing I've ever done in my life. Here I am. Coffee small there though, yeah? Smalls. You just drink them all day. You take a

small space. You drink all day. I like, I grew up in that water, you know, lived in Greece for three years as a boy swimming in that water. Italy, my uncle lived in Rome. That makes me, my heart hurts a little bit right. Doesn't that make you feel like, look, what am I doing with my life? And the Italians, correct me if I'm wrong. Be, move out. The Italians know how to live. Oh my God. They don't eat dinner. If you eat dinner at eight out there, they think something's wrong with you. So what time do they eat? 10.30.

Yeah, at night. Oh, yeah, yeah. They take naps. Yeah, they hang out. Yeah. We were like going, we met a guy that has a restaurant. He said, what time you want to come by? Because we were chatting.

He was so, like, he was intrigued. He was like, tell me what you do here? Because how did you find this nook, Ortizia, this little part of Sicily that we found? He says, well, tell me when you want to come by. I said, I'll come dinner like, you know, 830, maybe nine. we got something to do. He goes, nine o'clock, oh my God, oh my God, I got to stop prepping now. I was like, what, what time are you want me to come?

He goes, I don't know, 11, 11.30, you know, come, just hang, hang, hang for with me, you know. I'm like, oh, yeah, okay. We go around there like 11.30. It's just getting, people are like, in their 70s are like, we'll show up now. Do they have to get up in the morning, though? Yep. Yeah, yeah, but they, you know. They take naps, they take a CIS.

They hang out. They take a nap. They just hang. Their work days are like, go to work. And they live to be 121. Yeah, they're the oldest people in the world. Their life is come and go. They don't go to computers and freak out all day.

They get it. They get it. They just figured it out somehow. When I'm 70, I'm moving out. I'd be bored as far. I need 20 years. No, you wouldn't. If you did that every day of your life, you'd be pretty bored.

Let me tell you up in the morning. You take a little dipsy-doo right under that boat. That sounds nice. A little dipsy-dip-you-wake, then you go back to the house. Grab yourself, an octopus, beat it against the rocks. Yeah, for two hours. Rip its legs right off. That's your workout and that's your workout and your lunch.

Look at that. Boom, boom. Jump in the Ferrari. Jump in the Rar. Jump in the Rar. Jump in the Rar. You get to work for about an hour. What's that?

That's it. That's typing. Oh, what's he typing? An old typewriter? Yeah, an old type. They don't use computers over there. No, they don't have any of that shit. He'll write poetry sometimes.

He'll write poetry sometimes. He's like a Pablo Neruda of. Yeah. Okay, good, good. Either does poems or work orders. It's in one of the other. And they call him the big man. The big man.

He was a fire, you know, before. He was a fire in a rowri. And then he says to his assistant, send. And she sends it out. And then he goes, done. I got to go. And he just goes. He has a boyfriend.

And then he gets on his scooter with no, you know, with no regulator, top of the mountain. Gets up there, has a little glass of wine. I'm sold, man. Yeah. You get up to the top and have a glass of wine and then a coffee. I went to Bar Vitelli from the Godfather, you know. Yes, I know exactly what that is. One of the coolest experience of everyone in my mind.

Bar Vateli is a bar that they use in the Godfathers, a real town in. Outside of, in Sicily, it's north of, not the... Ordain featured it on his... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this whole town, go to Barvitelli, yeah. It's all right there? No, no, V-T-E-L-L-V-V-E-L-I or something like that. Just do Barbatelli Godfather.

Oh, cute, let me give you a little... There it is, there it is, there it is. There it is. Okay, that's... Show the outside. There's got to be a better shot of, like, the whole... That's it. I went there.

I sat on that patio and had a little, had a poroni. How great is that? And a little cappuccino. It was nice. dude it was just these people these people uh these people these people like loved wanting to know where you're from they were fascinated that you went up here dude most people that go to italy don't go to sicily most people that go to sicily don't go to these little towns because they don't get a lot of tourists there it's all locals and stuff it's just that's where you want to be it's hard to get

there you have to rent a car you got to go all the way up in the mountain the roads are about the size of your shoe you know which is like 15 and a half thick you know i mean i can feel it from here i can feel it when he wears tight jeans i bet his His ding-dong is like, come on. Beets everybody up. I know. Ding-dow. You go there.

You go there. They're so happy. They want to know where you're from. They want to know what you do. Were you driving the scoot and your wife is on the back? We rented a little Fiat. For this, we rented a Fiat. Oh, like a little.

Yeah. Drop top. Yeah. Drop top. It got stuck twice. Got that, got that, got that, got that, got that, got that, got that. You just push it back. Then where are you staying when you're in Italy?

Little tiny spots all over Italy. Like little tiny. You're not saying like four seasons. You're like really. Well, we did a few. Nice, nice hotels in big town. If you go to Rome, get a nice hotel. Yeah.

If you're going a little tiny spot, stay at a little boutique hotel. The boutiques are sometimes more expensive. Yeah. Who gives a shit? Yep. You went to Italy. Drops you cash. Whenever somebody says, listen, whenever somebody says like they're trying to pit, you're cutting corners on vacation, you're a schmuck.

You don't want to pinch corners on vacation or a tattoo artist. You're a schmuck. What are you a smock? Tattoo artist. Very true. I like when people call around looking for a deal. That's very true. Yeah.

God damn it. I got this piece for nine bucks. I see it. Very good. I can tell. I can tell. I see nine whole dollars on your own. Pay for what you get.

And you're right. A vacation should be, you know. And I know this sounds, this is rude to say for people that don't have a lot of money. But you're rich. Okay. If you can't, if you can't go, don't go. Yeah. Save some money.

Save it. We get pictures online. Yeah. Look at that right there. There you go. Look at my Instagram. Go to my Instagram. Go to my Instagram.

Then you can enjoy the fun I had because you're poor and you can't go. That's giving. It's like the stonehenge when people tell me to go down. I'll just Google it. Google it. There it is. There's a certain stuff. You just need to look.

Instagram is free for you. Free. I went to Japan for three weeks last year. How was that? Spared zero expense. How was that? Honestly, one of the best times in my life.

I went there and I wasn't that crazy about it. What place that I don't like? I don't ever care to go back to France ever again. See, I love France. I can flush France right down the toilet. I love France. And all the Parisians, to you. Everyone that lives in Paris.

You didn't like it. Get out of here. Why didn't you like it? Attitude. Everywhere we went. Yeah. Do you have an English speaking? Here's how soft my voice.

You see how loud I am? My voice, when I go into those places, excuse me, do you have an English-speaking menu? Attitude right away. You know, what's weird is my girl's whole family, literally her brother, everyone went there too. They said they'd never go back. Same thing.

Never. Don't need it. It's gotten so bad, and it was been so bad for a long time, that France, Paris was putting up billboards. I'm sure you can find them. Billboards telling Parisians to be nicer. Be nice. To tourists.

Yes. Now, the reason I get by in Paris is because I speak a little French and I try super hard and no matter how hard I try, I go like this, I go with my accent, I go, excuse me, I'm, I search for the metro, and they go, it's just around there, you go there, they never speak to me in French, they'll never speak to me in French,

they won't even do me that curse. Is that what it says? I can't read French. What is that? What is that? What does that mean? Which one is it? Well, those two down there, what would those mean? Wait, let's find out what Chin googled first. What did you Google, Chin? Paris Bill Boers Be Nice to the Tourists.

That's good, isn't it? That is pretty on the nose. You see, you see, I don't think you're going to bottom right bottom left bottom left what is that the ICI what are those things no that's not it that looks like oh that's be nice to old people moving no that's saying if you want ice this way i think it's see marchet i took friends for four years in high school please it's telling you to go somewhere that's saying be nice to old women it's a it's a it's an ad for something anyway listen parisians here's how i learned people the people we were trying to watch we were there

during like the Super Bowl and we were trying to watch the game for fun. I was like, wouldn't it be fun to find a sports park? We found one. They were all outsiders. For sure. They were all non-parisians. They lived in the French country. They hate Paris. I bet. So the French

cannot stand people from Paris and vice versa. They hate each other. And these people were so nice and cool. They loved this. We taught them beer pong because they were like They need something. He was like No, he was like, will you teach? He wanted to know how to play it because we were joking about it. yeah you got ping pong balls and they had like little kind of like fake golf ball whatever works

yeah we did at the bar they had the I feel like I feel like I feel like you know when I feel like when when a traveler like goes to a new land and he gives them something of their culture I gave them that I feel like I bless them a little bit it was like us given the Indians fire or smallpox same yeah yeah yeah yeah wiped out their entire culture but yes I did a little favor we didn't give the Native Americans yeah I know it's a joke yeah yeah oh I see oh hi welcome yeah yeah hey yeah hey so jump back Japan the most fun most polite, sweet

giving wonderful people But do not Now are you Godzilla when you walk around there They all speak English Really? Oh well they all try Yeah

Or use Google Transite Have you ever seen that? No You bring up the camera on your phone You can put it up to a document And it'll read it in Japanese to you There's actually a device though You can speak into it

Same Google Transite Same thing It'll do it Download the dictionary And I can say Hey how do I get to Shabuyaya station You know I don't want to do a racist impression right now

but I really want it, but I do. It's not even good. He's not talking to samurai. Nope. I want someone to isolate that clip and loop it over and over and over again. It's a pretty good Japanese impression, dude. You love Japan though, huh?

See, this is racist when your vacation in Japan and Godzilla's approaching. There you go, that's just blatant racism. Is it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it is, it's funny racism. It's not even that funny, though. It'd be funnier if it said, like, when Godzilla comes to steal your bitch when you're in Japan or something you know what I mean

like that'd be funnier if it's make a joke about why I'm why Godzilla's or it says like Japan does you go Tokyo all over Tokyo there's like 90 neighborhoods to go to yeah did you go to Shinjuku Shinjanku is fond as shit the the how's the food I mean I mean okay you should start a travel check I'm a meat eater right so northern Japan is more seafood great it's delicious but let's be real it's the same ocean we get the fish from the same I'm not going to play this game but Japan, the best sushi, it was phenomenal. I agree.

Do I have great sushi here in California? No boo's pretty good. We have great sushi. Yes. But southern Japan, take a hike. Best meat I've ever had in my life. There is no American meat. Was it, Wagyu?

Yeah, so Kobe. Kobe Wagyu, let me teach you, let me quickly teach you something. Please preach. We have Kobe cows in America. In the 70s, the Japanese government signed a deal with the United States saying, you may have Japanese cows, Wagyu. You have to call them American. American wigoo. You cannot call it Japanese wigoo. What happens today? We still call it Japanese wigoo. It's a lie.

Look how marble that is. Now, that's not normal. You can Google this. An animal in the wild would never be like that. Only 5% of restaurants in the United States actually get real Japanese wigoo shipped over here. The rest of them are bullshit. You did your research, huh? Well, we ate it. I stumbled upon a, I stumbled upon a five-star, um, uh, Michelin restaurant. I'm telling you on accident. We went to a kabuki show. closed. Where did you find this? Online, she goes, hasn't been here in two years. We started walking through Kyoto through this little neighborhood. I'll show you photos. We found a restaurant and accident. I said,

look at how cute that looks. 17 people inside. Little tiny tables. I go to the guy, hey, could we eat here? He goes, oh, no, no, no, no. Reservation? I was like, no, no, no, the chef comes out, starts talking, finds out I'm from Chicago. I'm from Colorado. He studied the molecular science

of beef in Denver. Jesus Christ. The molecular science of beef. So because of this connection, he says, you go get a highball, a whiskey highball up the street at the bar, come back. When we close, I'll serve you. I'll show you photos. This guy sat with us for hours. Champagne, wine, whatever we wanted. He just wanted to talk to us because he couldn't believe we found this place.

We shouldn't have been there. You know, it was good. Yeah, craftsmanship for the Japanese. It was unbelievable. It's everything. It's not about quantity. If you served, you got 17 people at your table, there's a sushi place in L.A. called Sushi Park. Have you been there?

Went to Sushi Park. Yeah, up on the upstairs. It is, it's so ridiculous. It's like, I don't know how many table tops, but they're open basically from 12 to two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're either in there or you're not, see ya. There's like four or five tables. Yeah, and it's just, it's all about the

quality. You don't order anything. You just trust what. Omikaze. Yeah. That's what they say. You just get what they get. Yeah. So then you went on this Kobe Beef Rampage and came back to the States and we're just kind of, you're kind of like the whistleblower now. I'm fucking hate the I don't like when they lie. So I'm the guy at the restaurant.

You're a whistleblower. You're Kobe beef whistleblower. When it says Japanese wigoo, I go, okay, prove it. Prove it. Because you know what they do in Japan? You know what they do in southern Japan? If it's the highest grade wigoo, they show it to you first. Before they cook it, they bring it out on a plate raw.

Too much. And no, you approve it. Like it's wine. Like you go, you know, it's like a little taste. They go, you smell it. You can look at it. Look at how marbled it. Why is it so marble?

It's so hard to get an animal like that. Well, it's a breed of cow, first of all, that the reason that they're like this, right? It's like, it's like championship breeding. Imagine like how horses, you know what I mean? It's like, someone's like, I bought a horse, and you're like, yeah, it's just a horse, unless it's a championship bloodline. This bloodline of cow and the region in which they're raised, which is the Kobe region is why they're so rich. What this cow looks like, too, let me see this cow. So by the way, it's kind of, beautiful cows.

What I've read about Kobe beef is that they are, it's not a good life for the cow. The cow is not really allowed to move. Look at how black they are. Cow's not really allowed to move. Correct me if I'm wrong. You didn't like that? You didn't like that? I said, look at how black they are. I like black. Sorry they're not white cows, Shab. He'd rather have a white cow. Can we show him a white cow? No, no, no, no, please. Wait, that's one there. Let me just see the rest of them. Chain scroll down. I'm saying, look at how beautiful their coat is. Look at that. Oh, they're shiny.

But those aren't, those aren't, those aren't Kobe beef. No, that's a short horn. So the Kobe cows, I believe, are kept sometimes. Is that him there? from even moving, are they? Yes, that's why you beef. The coats are like horses. It's like beautiful coats. Oh, damn, he's cool looking. But they're not allowed to really move much, right, Andrew?

They're kept in, like, smaller areas, right? They're not, but they're fed, they're fed extremely rich, high-fat diets. But when they get slaughtered. But when they kill them, they kill them. Slowly? Not like slaughter. Dude, we hang them upside down and I've been to slaughterhouses in the Midwest. Why would you go?

Because in the Midwest, like, that's a part of our training. What are the most interesting man in the world? That's how you become. an adult in the Midwest. You've got to go see a slaughter farm as a kid. You got to go check it out. You see how you get your food. School. That's that school. That's like a part of life. You see how corn gets fucking pulled off the husk. You see how a cow gets killed and a chicken's neck get broken.

Here we go with the Kobe. Look at how beautiful that is. So they have reckoning. Look at it. But they treat it like a marching number on it. Look at it. They take them through the crowd for they cut his face off. It's like, it's like Imagine before they killed you if they cheered. That'd be nice. Yeah. They're like, look. You're about to die. And you're like, well, thank you. That's an expensive cow. The meat on that cow is worth, you know.

Okay, go back down. Look at that. There's a photo right there. Keep going, keep going, keep going. Wigoo, look at that. Wigoo, American Kobe. Click on that. How about the fact that? Look at how obvious the differences. The exact same. Liar! They look identical. Kobe whistleblower.

By the way, why did they write Wagu and then put Japanese symbols and then write American Kobe? They didn't need to do that. That it was so unnecessary. Look at the difference in the look of the meat. I know. One is like so... They're both delicious. No, no, no.

The one on the left, the one on the left, when I ate his, his, his, his, his, wagu, fork. Yeah. Oh, you didn't need a knife. They give you a knife, but I think it's a joke.

Yeah. I think that's, a really nice knife, like a hand-carved knife. It's never been used. So when I had the real Kobe beef in Japan, yeah.

My, they, they shaved it, paper thin, and you would take it and put it in boiling water and eat it. Different, different, different, different,

different, different, that would ruin it, no, what you're talking about is, No, it was really... Oh, no, you had a Korean barbecue in Marina del Rey. This was it... Did you just try one up in his story with your Korean barbecue story?

Were you on Sauteau? You were in Sauteau? Korea, Japan, same. Listen, listen. Maria Del Rey, Japan. What you did, what you did was sometimes considered... Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, shaboo shaboo is what you did. But I was taken to the, apparently...

Isn't that Shabu Shabu? Isn't that what hot? Yes, that Shabu Shabu. But I was taking the... Apparently one of the more famous places. Well, she laughed, and I thought I'm a fool. Ask them whatever question guys have. First of all, she laughed.

They're not Japanese. No, I know, but in general... Brendan. Brendan's the one that wrote that down there, by the way. That's just drawing. That's just a drawing. It's fake. That doesn't even say anything.

Large Indian family. Hi, a large Indian family. Dan, General guy. Dan, the large Indian man. Yeah, my Indian friend. You did Shaboo. That's what that is. Hey, he knew me for...

This is a true story. Yeah. He knew me. For a good year and a half. At least. We're close. We're close. And we know everything about each other.

And he goes, my wife was there. And he goes, you're ready to go in this house? My wife said, he goes, then this is, I go, it's Amanda. And he goes, yeah. I didn't know. Hey, bro, twice then you go, are you shit me? I just, for the reason, it's not clicking. But I get it.

You blanked out, huh? I get it. Did you apologize profusely? I slapped her. you got to hit them how else are they going to learn how else are they going to learn you got to say your name to me

every time I see you again that's the only way that I'm going to remember your name it's the only way it's going to register let's talk about that I don't know anybody's name and I feel bad about it all the time and more people I meet through comedy but they say your brain can only hold

around 300 names 150 is it look at Tom Cruise look at Tom Cruise the Dunbar number has dude look at certain people Tom Cruise remembers everybody's name I know he goes up to people and he says

hi I'm Tom and I say I'm Brendan he goes Brendan bold Brendan is bold Brendan's a bold man remembers it I know it's a name game but he also has like a thing in his air people telling him Does he have the he's got Scientology in his head Yep nuts He does uh I've had a little interaction with him

150 what's you can only remember N faces without a prompt Yeah it's 150 it's called the Dunbar number Faces for sure I remember I don't forget a face Names are tough I would say say to repeat them Yeah but I would say hi I'm Brian Like, oh, hey, Brian, good to see you, Brian. Well, you know that memory game where you put a place, you put, you put an association in a place in it.

So, so guys who can remember, you know, there's a book called Moonwalking with Einstein about like he won some memory competition. There's an actual technique where you put, you create sort of a place, like a house, and you put whatever you want. In your head? Yes, so whatever you want to learn. Oh, this sounds easy. It's actually, it's actually it actually is. So you can learn. You can learn, you can learn, these guys to do these memory games can learn like literally a thousand numbers in sequence and they just, they use their body. So one would go on their pinky.

They put it in a place with an association. It's a really, there's a technique to memory. How much, how, how, you build a house. Yes, you build a place. You build so, so. It's like how people remember pie. How do people remember pie? You know, people who 3.146, 8.

How do they do that? You just see it. so many times. But it's an infinite number. There's an actual technique. There's an actual technique. Do you one of these guys become familiar with it? Fuck, I read the book too.

It's called, it goes way back to like 3,000 years ago. Okay, so lately I've been thinking I'm dumb because I know I'm pretty smart guy, but then I, like, Rubik's Cube, I tried to do it. I was like, I'm going to buy it and learn because I see people do it. It makes me jealous. Just doing this? There's a technique. Three days threw it away.

Not if someone went, not if you looked online to how do I do this. I did. Three days threw it away He still couldn't do it Yeah So do you know Have you heard Just bought a bunch of new books

Sat on the airplane A couple pages Gone But threw them Because you weren't interested in them Right Just book I do the same thing

I'll buy a book I'm like dude I should learn about this subject Gone Four pages of I'm not into it It's not relevant But then I'll book on something

I'm super into I will fucking fly through Yeah If it's not If it's not relevant to you It's because you don't have to do it If someone was like Hey we want you to play

Kurt Cobain in the next movie And they give you this fucking thick book and you had a chance to be Kurt Cobain, you're going to knock that out. Can I tell you something? You got the role. I would lie.

I would say I read it. Yeah. And I would lie my way through the whole thing. I would lie the whole thing. Have you heard of the myelin sheath, the idea that, so when people are really good at, say, tennis, right? Yeah. Or are they really good at whatever it might be?

They actually, all the neurons that fire together, you will literally create sort of, not only sort of what you can actually physically see, like a, almost a fatty sheath, a layer, that will go over the neurons. Why are you holding your hand like this so often? Because it's literally like a, you'll get these, no, you'll get these pathways in your brain that actually physically form around, up, there it is, right there, around a movement, around, so if you're tennis, so tennis players can, you, we'll have a predictable part of the brain and sheath is.

The part of the brain that is connected to that movement. And so any kind of practice of piano players, you know, master piano players or whatever, if you do it for long enough, your brain literally will change the synapses, the neurons will sort of create almost like a pipeline. Because you've done it so much. Yes, correct. Yes. And that's why they tell you to take fish oil and things, because the myelin sheath is essentially fat.

It's, you know, omega, it's derivatives of different kinds of fatty acids, I guess. So when you take fatty acids, it actually... I take a shit a lot of fish, or I still can't remember most people. Well, that's because it's not relevant to you. Not at all. But I think it's also hereditary. I think more people are prone to having a brain that's better at certain things. I can tell you, I can leave anything anywhere and I can know where I left it, anywhere ever.

If I left the key at your house two years ago, I know exactly where I left it. My geographical brain is remarkable. I don't need to use maps most of the time. I just figure it out. I have the worst. See, it's funny, because most of my friends are the, they'll go, how do you know this place? I went here once. If I passed that once,

boom. It's registered. I don't know. I feel like that's most people. I only remember certain things about childhood. No, I got a bunch of people in my life that remember when they were five. But what are they doing now? What are they doing? One of them is my driver. That's actually pretty smart. Yeah. It's a good question. I'm your driver. I don't have one driver. Are you mean to all of them like that?

No, there's one girl that I like. But the two guys pissed me off every day. But they didn't do anything? I don't know. Do you know what they're up to? What? This coffee order was wrong. My driver, coffee wrong.

Threw it in his face. He's like, get me another one. Did it burn his face? It's ice coffee. I don't throw hot coffee. I'm not an asshole. But yeah, I threw the ice coffee and it knocked out one of his contacts. The ice cube knocked out of his contact.

He's crying. I'm in the parking lot of Starbucks. You know? Go get it. get it. Go get it. I patch. Save the shit. Where an iPatch? Fuck face. Hey, like, don't you feel like when you hang out, I can't remember last time I did,

but when you hang out someone from college or high school, and they can go over, like, certain days, events, I'm like, gone. Dude, how about people? But it's because I haven't thought about that or I'm, I'm so busy. Because they're living in it. They still, they want it really bad. Because they love that. Like, that was the important time then where you've gone on to do whatever.

When somebody says, remember when we, a guy gets nervous every time. Me too. Remember when we. I remember. May in 06, May and 06 was the first time. I was like, you remember the month? I don't have. Like, dude, do you remember that party we're at?

And you were like, ugh. And I'm like, no. Could you tell me the year, though, that those things happen? Like, I don't pay attention to even the year because I think you're right. As you're moving. I get nervous when people bring things on. Don't people bring it up. Like this, someone, my, uh, my booking agent the other day, what month did you play X and YZ

Club? Oh, dude. Oh, God. I get in my calendar. As a joke to myself, I go, I think it was May Look it up December 6th

You know what I mean I'll throw something out there So I don't sound like It's May What was it? May when we were there May and 08 Dude I said They said how long

My wife and I They said How long have you lived here And I went Seven months I think And my wife went We've been here for two years Are you serious?

I was like I don't know Seven months times a few Yeah we've been there A bunch of seven months I'm like no I know I'm just saying overall I got embarrassed

I've been settled in for seven months Two years we've been here. They asked me how old my daughter was. I go five days. My wife goes, she's 12 days. She's, yeah. Okay. Yeah, but that's semantics.

That's semantics. Yeah, kids, that's... But then certain things, like how you geographically can remember things, certain things I'm, like, keyed in on. I'm so good with landmarks. I can tell you, if you said named Cross Streets, I can tell you all the landmarks of that cross streets. I'd probably tell you the store that's on the down.

Yeah, but they've done studies on this. They've done studies. You remember, what you remember, you have way more inhibitive synapses in your brain. So things that are remind you of danger. So what you'll do, they think the left and the right hemisphere they think is. So the right hemisphere is the hemisphere that goes basically imagines all that could be wrong and dangerous about a situation. I sit over there all the time. Then your left brain goes hold on and your left brain will continue to, will actually control the right brain and say stop, stop, let me think about this.

And the left brain will go through all the scenarios and actually, say this, that's ridiculous. There are no monsters. There's another there. And it'll create an approximation of what reality is. So the left brain kind of takes over. So why does he remember from streets and maps? Because I have a lot of trauma every day.

What you remember is... Did you grow up in trauma? No, no, listen. You remember the things that are bad. You remember the things that are bad and you avoid them. So it's way easier to remember shit that went wrong or that was dangerous. Because your body's protecting you. That's why I remember negative things better than happy times.

That's why when a thousand people came to a show and everybody liked you and then one guy in the front was like... You're like, fuck. I know that guy's face. I know. I know it's the favorite count of her facial hair on his chain. And I heard some, I forget which comic. It's probably on Manner. It's the man all the time.

But he was saying he, oh, no, is Greg Fitzsimmons on Rogan. He was saying, he's the best. But he was saying how, same thing, like our brains are triggered towards that,

that one guy who's not having a good time. Like, there'll be a thousand faces, but for the reason it, it zeroes in on that and focuses on that one guy. It's very weird. It's called negativity bias. Why come? Negativity bias.

Why come? Like, why are you in the front row? doing this. Sometimes people do that though. They just want to be entertained. Sometimes they just don't laugh. I don't laugh when I'm really entertained sometimes. Oh my God. I don't laugh ever. It's hard for me to laugh. I watch it. If I really like a comic, I'll be

more marveling. And I'm loving it, but I'm not laughing. When I watched Ghostbusters as a kid, it was a funniest movie I've ever seen when I was a kid. I've never been more insane. You know what I was doing? I was biting my nails. My girlfriend, Patty, Patty, you used to always say, Brian, calm down. because I would watch John Leggo Zamo when he was doing his one man shows

when I was younger and I'd be like this and I wanted to be a comic or something I wanted to do what he did and instead of laughing I was so entertained that I'd be like this and my girlfriend would go

stop biting your nails because it would make me How old were you when you quit biting your nails? I was 21, 22? I still bite my nails. You do too? Oh yeah. Do you do nervous?

I bite my nails if I'm thinking if I'm nervous I'm overwhelmed. I piss a lot. That's why they're so short right now. Me too. I piss about a hundred times

in a minute when I get nervous to me too. I start to my black ladder, just like, get it out. Go. I come. You just start coming when you get nervous? Yes. I'm nervous now. Ah, redheads. What a bad trigger. Think about negativity bias. How about Louis C.K. coming up at the cellar. What do you think? We talked about it a little bit, a little bit. Tad, I want to save it for this. No, no, well, here's my, okay. I'll give my two

stupid sense. Because every comic's too, like, taking their... Here's what bothered me about yesterday. First of all, I didn't even hear about it until, like, the afternoon until like a million people had asked me about it. The Twitter mentions? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got on Twitter, which is a garbage dump of a place now. Twitter can fucking drown. I think it's the worst place in the world. It sucks.

It's really negative. It's dog shit now. It's not even fun anymore. It used to be fun. Wow. So many comics were taking shots at Louie and... Any big name comics, though? Well, Michael Ian Black actually defended him, but then recanted all that because he got hit to him.

He knew he was going to get hit. He had too much backlash. But then that's why he defended him. Yeah, but what he should have done, Because he said in there, I know I'm going to face some backlash from this. He should just tweeted it and disappeared. Yes, get off. Yeah, if you're going to do that.

No, but he went back and because his audience, his audience is very much the audience that would put him in check. Very left wing. Yeah, 100%. They're very like, are you kidding me right now? Yeah. Versus, look at that Michael Ian Black. Yeah, yeah, firestorm. Yeah, I love it.

Here's my other thing. Okay, so there's articles written, you know, in, in like, maybe in a Huffpo or whatever. Variety, whatever. No, no, smaller publications, but like the, of this ilk. And like, Ian Carmel, Julian McCullough, a couple of, a couple of, other comics, they were like, this is a workplace issue. This is disgusting. If you jerked off at a Dunkin' Donuts and you got fired, your boss wouldn't hire you back five months later. If he made the best glazed donut in the world, he was. It depends on how good you are

with the sprinkles. That's what I'm saying. If he made the best fucking chocolate don't the world, they would let him come back. These guys went after him, and here's my thing. All I want to say is, I think, okay, what Louis did was wrong, right? I am also not. I am also not a perfect human being. I'm not about to be up here throwing stones at Louis. Louis. Louis can deal with his issues in his way and I'm not the one to go you fucking piece of shit you better not come back you think this is enough time I don't have time for that in my psyche to go I should be the guy also throwing stones no I don't need to throw stones hell no you can if you want to I think it's a fucking weird thing to do but it's not my business and I don't I don't necessarily like or dislike

the guy it's not like I'm I'm like in love with the guy here's a better example I like his comedy I think he's brilliant no yeah I'm just saying like he's not a personal I don't have a personal thing about. You're not talking to the race. Yeah, you're not biased. I'll give you a better example. As he's Anzari. Okay, I have nothing against that guy. I don't think he, I don't think he's funny. He's not my brand of comedy. That's fair. Good for him. Do his thing. When he got caught up in his thing, I came. You celebrated. I defended. No, I was like, that guy didn't do nothing wrong. He was a bad date. Right. Yeah. He was a bad date. I agree 100%. But, but again, but again,

no dog in the race. So same thing with Louie. Like, I don't have a personal relationship with a guy. I just think, I'm not going to be the one to throw stones because what do I gain from? What do I what would I gain from that? Being the one that's like on Twitter going, you don't deserve to come back. Well, those people are getting talked about. Those people are being talked about them. Right, they get traffic. Especially what Michael Ian Black said, look,

he didn't say anything controversial at all. But people have to be allowed to serve their time and move on with their lives. I don't know if it's been long enough or his career will recover or if people will have him back. We'll have him back, but happy to see him try. That was controversial? It's like a kindergarten statement. It's like, hey, maybe you

might be able to color good. But Michael, Ian has to put a little more effort into it. I thought he was going to, I thought he said something controversial. No, he didn't. But this is my problem. Is like, then people fucking sick the dogs on Ian Black, and it's like. But now they won. Now he bows down. So, my bad. Oh yeah. Fuck Louis.

So my whole thing is, I don't like when people are self-serving, like when they do this thing, when they go. It's like everybody became a fan of Joe Biden. You know, there's so many people who probably fucking loathed him in his platforms. And then he dies and they're like, fucking was American hero. you're like... No, you mean John McCain.

Joe Biden also died today, this morning. Oh, he did? No, come on. Fully redeemed yourself. Thank you, dog. Just stick to your guns. That's what I think. He went down in a plane, like, what?

He fell out of a helicopter, dude. He was doing a stunt. I don't know what you read, but I read my thing, so. See, but like, people are saying, like, excuse me, scroll back up, Chen. The very first ones? So they're like, oh, what time did he serve? I'm confused what time did he serve well he lost his development and shows with

FX so he lost millions of dollars there he lost his special with whoever he was with he's lost a ton of stuff he's got two dollars and this says what work has he done to write his wrongs where is the proof that he learned anything who says he ever stopped harassing women what are you talking about here see here's the problem

with this she doesn't know but this is a nil argument because we don't know that's what I'm saying nobody knows did Louis did he go to read I'm not defend this is what Twitter does I don't have a dog He also said that he ruined these women's careers and stuff. That's, I don't. But also, and I'm not condoned at all what he did.

What he did was bad. It was weird. It was weird. But there's levels to this sexual assault game, brother. There's one to five. Jack on from a woman who goes back to your hotel late at night would probably be a one on my scale. Rape being a five. Rape's only five?

One to five. Weird scale. I thought it was 10. No. I always think 10. I know. No, I go one to five. So one to five.

That's how CNN. And does the terrorist zones? I think, I think there's a, there's a fundamental difference between touching some. I think there's a fundamental difference in touching someone against their will, touching physically. Yeah. And hold them hostage with your cock. Speaking to somebody.

Cock hostage. Being naked in front of a door, which is actually a form of kidnapping maybe. That's fucked up. You know what I'm saying? That's fucked up. You can, you can make, there are, there is criteria to break this down. 100%. That's what I'm saying.

But here's what I'm saying. I just don't like self-service. when you're looking for retweets and likes because you know it's a popular opinion. So listen, if you have an issue with what Louis did and you have an issue with how much time he spent apologizing or not apologizing or not making up for his wrongs,

that's on you. I just from a personal standpoint, I'm not a one to, I don't need to throw that stone and I see people do it and I'm like, if it's self-serving, it's a lot of Captain Save a Ho either. Like that's not,

it's mass virtue signaling. There's a lot of virtue signaling up there. Like who else? wants to gang up on Louie. Right? That was fucked up. Let's do it. I'm going to be the first one. Retweets? Likes? Yeah. And if you're a comic in New York and you don't agree with what the seller did, don't go up to the seller. If you're such a badass, we'll go up to the seller. But here's the thing. It's also like, that's not the seller's fault. Like this whole thing, the owner of the comedy seller had a statement that

was essentially saying in so many words, I'm not going to dictate whether or not Louis can and when Louis can come back. There's no time scale. So that's up to the audience. Noam is all about that. Noam who owns the company. Yes, but he also, he was sleeping and goes, I woke up to it. Yeah, it was in the middle of the night. It was the middle of the night. Louis came on, did a surprise set. He goes, I was sleeping.

I woke up in the morning. It was like, even he goes, wow, I didn't think you'd come back this soon. I think this is a little soon, but that's what he wants to do. The audience has their choice to walk in or out. I would say that Louis C.K. in this environment, I don't know him. But in this environment, I would say that if Louis wants to get up on stage, this, less than a year after all this. The game is staying ovation. He's going to get, yep, he's going to get.

going to take both heat and praise. That's going to come no matter what. And if he wants to stick to his guns, I believe that in this environment, Louis C.K. could just start from now and keep doing stand-up, take all the heat, it will die down, and he'll be back to selling out theaters. Oh, he gets all the theater right now.

He's selling an arena. Are you kidding me? If he put out a special tomorrow and said, I want to talk about... If he did a TED talk and said, this won't be funny, but I just want to talk about it for two hours, the whole world will tune it. I mean, in my opinion, he should. But hey, just to play devil's advocate, it, what Louis should have done, if I'm being honest

from this perspective. I don't like the way he handled it. I think, right. First of all, you should have said fucking sorry straight up. He should have amended his, he should have amended with these women and gone, what can I do to move us forward in the future? To be kind of like a leader in it, then it would have like helped. But instead of just going, my bad that you saw my penis, I understand I have power, I got to go.

It's not a good way to go out. He didn't handle it well. He just got to go out. He just got to go out with that. He doesn't strike me as a very generous, nice guy. I don't know. I don't know him personally. We don't know. That's my problem. I wish I knew the guy. you know people I know.

I know people until I know myself I don't know him I don't know that's a good point I don't know I know people think

you're a dick or Rogan's a dick or Andrew's a dick whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa I'm like whoa whoa but people think he's a bigger dick

for sure than me yeah people do say that yeah yeah no I just mean for sure yeah you know what I'm saying

so I don't take that if when people he was always a bad deal I'm like all right well what happened because A he's very successful so with that success comes jealousy

like a motherfucker from other people Yeah, the better you are. I do have a little experience, and I have been around him way before he was famous. He's also my neighbor. I used to walk by his house every day. Here in L.A. Yes, in Venice, see him almost every day.

And he was mean to you? He is a briskly, prickly guy. Did he say hello Brian ever? No. Holy shit. That's okay. But he knew who you were. No, I don't know.

I mean, again, I've been in groups standing up. Maybe it's busy, too. You don't know what I'm saying? No, I'm not saying this is not. I don't want to get into, I don't want to get into, because you're his neighbor. I don't want to say, I don't like him and I don't want to say that he's a dick. I'm not saying that.

What I mean is that from the amount of time and it's limited that I've been around him. And by the way, in a periphery way, whether it's standing in a group while he's talking with other people, whether it's people who've worked with him very closely, very closely and knew him for many, many years and had long talks with those people, one of which was recent. he is a complicated guy. Sure, aren't we all? He's also technically, he's also got a dark side like we all do. He's got to, and I guess from what I have,

he's also running a machine. I guess from what I've been around him, from what I have, in my experience in the comedy, well, it's not surprising. And I think I can make an, I think you could say that he has more darkness in many ways. than light and it's not surprising that he would be

that he would come back after a year and not so much worry about the heaties take but let me ask you guys this what would what do you think would make these me too movement people happy what what does he well well this is it two years no no no five years should he lose more you're right it's not it's not a number of time on a scale it's it's it's it's it was his approach they wanted yeah my assumption is they wanted him to be more vocal about his apologies and you think that would have made them happy and well i think i think it would have helped i don't know i don't think he i don't think there's a big price let's be a big price he paid a big price millions of dollars and special and other stuff

yeah but that money is erroneous for them it's more like they want to know that he did he reached the next step to going hey i got to fix some problems for sure publicly too i need to apologize these people that i hurt i need to go out of my way to find out a way to do we know did he do that behind the scenes because we wouldn't know because no one talked about it they wouldn't talk about it right i mean some of those girls they scrub their social media and they disappeared right like yeah i think the damage was pretty bad for a lot of those women yeah very bad you know i'll get attacked for saying that somewhat bad yeah but i'm just saying like what he did like he just needed to approach it i joked about on stage a while about his letter i said dude he said

he said he said the word cock in his letter or dick dick or cock i was like those are that's a heavy word yeah sorry you saw my cock cock i never showed my dick he said dick sorry i'm sorry i showed my dick but dick and cock I apologize for exposing myself to these women my general asking first but the weird part about that is a lot of the women he worked with a lot of the women he did this with what were co-workers like comics fellow comics yeah like gals who are like you know what I mean like what are you doing bro like like people that you're working with that's a very strange thing that's so and I think by the way I feel like there's a huge issue going on here there are two things going on here there are two things when I hear a story like that when I hear a story like that

I feel like there are two words I could use. One is rage and the other is narcissism. I think that he's a, he probably has a, he's a pretty narcissistic guy and full of rage to do that. And that's a, I've said this on stage and I'll say it in here too, because I don't know if I'll ever talk about it again because I'm tired of it, but America loves art, but they don't want to know where it comes from. Louie, if you go back

Look at all the bits he does Look at all of his shit He constantly talks about jerking off And being weird with women Dude, his whole show Is about his discomfort with women You know his movie that was going to be I know, I know

I know, I know So about him jacking off on a girl Yeah, his movie that got canceled Was all about that So my point is America loves this art Right? Every audience member All these people that are against him now

When they did love him He told you that he was weird He told you that he was odd with women And we applauded it That's why he's a comment I'm just saying, when we find out the truth, we get weird. You know, Rogan just, we get uncomfortable. Like, and I say that Amy Winehouse, that girl, she got famous here after she was famous in Britain.

Her most famous song here was they tried to make me go to rehab, and I said, no, no, no. And then when she died of heroin, we were like, oh, how? Because she fucking told you, I have a massive issue, and we celebrate issues. I'm singing for help. But we love celebrating issues, man. Rogan just had on the guy who wrote Fight Club, Michael Chinowick or whatever his name is. I don't know how, yeah, yeah. By the way, great writer.

And he was talking about how a lot of his writing is banned in prisons. Chuck Falnick. Yeah, his writing is banned in prisons because it's so stimulating. Oh, yeah. And also, he's been kicked out of writer group, a lot of writer groups. And Rogan, and he were talking about the fact that his writing is dark. Black. And he said, but part of the human experience, like we were talking about is dark and light.

And good art, good art disturbs. Oh, my God. Kind of goes, fuck, man. Maybe it disturbs us because it reminds us of our dark side, of the side we don't like to stare at. Of course. And all of us have a serial killer in us. We all have a saint in us. I mean, I really think that we, as human beings, you occupy the full spectrum of evil to angelic behavior. And if you don't, if you're not honest with yourself about that, and I think a lot of times art brings that to the fore and some people can't face it and they kick you out of the writing group. And I don't think you could have interesting art without.

license to explore. Now, that doesn't mean you jerk off in front of people. No, it doesn't mean you don't pay a price for that. Let's go back and make sure that that's not what we're saying. But the truth of what we're saying is, oftentimes we celebrate art that comes from a very dark place and when we don't like to

pay attention to where it comes from. I say Van Gogh cut off his fucking ear. Yeah. Pretty crazy. He was a psycho. For a chick. He was crazy. Dude, he was clinically out of his brain. He's still considered to be one of the greatest of all time. But here's another debate you talk about. He was a mentally disturbed, deranged human being who was disgusting. We like to celebrate

these people like they're all perfect. No. Dude, deranged. What do you guys think of this? So there's a lot of talk on the left especially, but in general that if you're a bad person, your art is now shit too. So a lot of people don't, they don't, so whether or not Woody Allen, whether or not it's true that Woody Allen molested his stepdaughter.

Yeah. There's this thing. There are a lot of people that are like his movies. I don't watch his movies. His movies. Fuck his movies. Right, right, right. I think you can separate the man from the art.

Dude, I don't think so. Like, I wouldn't, like, if I found out, I don't like, I'm not a huge fan of his anyways, but if you, I found out you're molesting kids, well, then I don't want to partake in anything you're doing. It doesn't, but it doesn't mean he's not good at being a director. No, it means, what about his, so his movies, so the founding fathers, like, they own slaves, right? But they wrote the Constitution, which has given us the longest standing democracy in the world.

But at the time, that was the, that was the environment. Yeah, but I'm just saying that you can. If I found out Trump has slaves now, I'm like, what the fuck? He does. saying? Yeah. He probably does. He does. The times are different. But I'm saying with Woody Allen, if he did molest his stepdaughter, yeah, I'm not buying to take to your

next movie. I don't give a fuck. Well, it's better than molesting your daughter, daughter. All right, we'll be right back. Andrew Santino. Cutting a commercial. It's not a real, all right, we'll be, I got these messages. I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. I just don't, it's not a cut and dry case.

I don't, it's so hard to go. Okay, look, like, what's a good example of somebody who's like, like, um, I'm trying to get a good example of someone who's like committed something kind of fucked up and then like Chris Brown Okay

That's a great example Here's a great example Here's a guy who beat the fucking life Out of a girl publicly Well she beat his ass too But carry on Yeah but come on come on come on come on You put the girl in the hospital

Her face fell apart Yeah she bit his finger off But carry on Wait what I'm sorry Is this Rihana? Yeah yeah yeah They had to humpty dumpy that girl

They had a fucking Her face was off Yeah and they did Look at photos Is that really true Yes No What?

Shut up Brian I didn't follow this. You don't know Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rihanna? I didn't know he beat the shit out. Hold on, hold on. Yeah, no, it's 2012. I didn't know. Brian Callan has no idea about anything.

I really didn't know. Pop culture related ever. Yeah, no, he's right here. Oh, no. Yeah, he beat your ass. Bad. What? This is why his career kind of, like,

he's never had a number one, like, album since this now. Yeah, but he's selling out aren't. No, he does features now, but he's never had, since the, since the world found this out, they've never found. I didn't know he was a piece of shit. I didn't know that. That's a piece of shit that guy. Fuck that guy.

I can't believe you just found out about this. What year was this that Brian 2011? Hey, fuck that guy. Brian's upset about it now. Fuck that bitch. He's a bitch. This is so old. This is like you get upset over fucking.

What he did to her? Oh, I didn't know. Lee Harvey Oswald. That's a piece of shit. Harvey Oswald did what? But I didn't know he was, I didn't know I was dealing with a coward piece of shit little bitch like that. Why do people even listen to him at all?

Beating. I like that you just wrote beating. Yeah, 2013. Being of Rihanna. What, 2013? Brian, you're only five years off. Beat his ass right now. Right now.

Okay, so the point is, he still has a lot of female fans. Of course. Tons. Millions. So do serial killers. They get married in jail. They took people on the outside that, like, are in love with them.

War Machine just got married. What? In prison? That's right. No way. No way. Google that, Jen. War Machine marriage.

Who's the girl? I don't know. But this happens all the time. What's that called, though? There's a syndrome for that. It's, well, it's Stockholm, yeah. But women, women. Engaged to pen pal.

There you go. Cute. Oh, no. Look at the lovely photos. Sorry, no con. They can't, and they can't. No conjugal visits. They can't even fuck. That's terrible.

So you bet, yeah, you're just pen pals. You found that he's engaged to a 30-year-old. Yeah, but here's the thing with Chris Brown. So, and I'm playing devil's advocate. So him and Rihanna Young, they have this horrible relationship where they're, she's hitting him, he's hitting him. Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what, that was their thing. Abusive relationship.

She bit, she bit half his finger off. Anyways, and his dick. so but they go back and forth and his pointer finger though yep pointer so it's now now his pointer is shorter than his pinky yes he had two pinkies on one hand yeah I didn't know so but are you

shit me so they go back and forth you know what I'm saying and then that was how many five years ago yeah and they said he's gone through rehab he hasn't really hit anyone since even though he hasn't hit anyone since that's what they say even though some girl claims he did wait you know how you know how you give second chances well everyone

I don't want to come hitting women, really, though. Did you see her face? I mean, that's a different thing. Yeah, but wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. This is, again, this is not black and white. A physical abuse situation, uh, whatever that was. You're telling me he never deserves to have

a second chance in life? I'm not I don't know. Can't be around me. Can't be around me. I'm just saying. I'm just saying. I don't want him around my, dude, he's family. That's punches. That's punches. I know. I'm not defending him. They were straight fifth fighting. I don't know, man. I don't know what she, maybe she's a nightmare, but I don't know, man.

No, no, no. There's no excuse. I've been pretty mad. I've been in a lot of relationships with some crazy bitches. No one here's condone and saying, well, what did she say? Like, no one's saying that. I would do know. I do want to know what she would say.

Can you put her in a headlock and hold her down? How about that? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But when you start wailing on somebody, if that's my sister, I'm going to take your fucking head off. Yeah, I'll murder you. I would murder you.

I would cut your head off slow. Yeah, if my sister's late. And he's about five years late and he's like, why he's like, no, I don't. We've had dinner together a hundred times. Dude, I've been in rehab for the last five years. I've donated to so much shit, man. I just found out about what you did five years ago to my sister. You know why you did this.

You picked her up from the hospital. What happened? No, my friend's just told me. Am I of a loop or what? I knew they got in a fight. I didn't know he did that. I don't watch this. Did you hear that Joe Biden died?

I didn't know that. I just started crying. Wow. All right. Sorry, everybody. Sorry that it's 2018. and I'm just coming too. No, I think this is kind of nice

that you're not, that you don't know this. This is nice. Yeah. It's fine. It's fine. The point is he still has a lot of fucking fans. A ton of fans.

He sells out stuff. Here's the thing. Go look at this tour. This is kind of the same thing with, with Louis C.K. Look at how demanding it was. I apologize. I mean,

that tone was absurd. It's hard. Look up his tour. What Louis C.K. did and what Chris Brown did are too complete. Again, there's levels, right? Right. Yeah, but also, you're talking about two talented guys

who create a demand in, in the respective field. Yeah, but what Chris Brown did is worse, I believe. Way, I mean, I mean on the same planet. Thank you. Well, Chris Rounded is about four out of five. No events. Interesting.

There you go though, right? No events. But why don't we, but guys, but see, sex is interesting. You jerk off him from somebody, people want you dead forever. You beat the fuck out of somebody like that, which I think is way worse. It's way worse. I don't think anyone's going to argue that, be. But he has, he comes back and he's better than that, right?

Well, because of his talent. well okay but also Harvey Weinstein's really talented no upcoming events not really damn I mean not no I say as a producer one of the best of all time of all time but lately but also what he did like

we can find someone to do what he does and replace it who's that who he guys talking about Harvey Weinstein oh I blanked out yeah what he did was so bad and he took it like Chris Brown isn't giving Rihanna work because she's fucking him and he's raping but I think what Chris Brown does beat the fucking shit out of somebody and I don't think Harvey Weinstein

never did that up he probably raped somebody though that's just He raped multiple girls. Allegedly, right? Allegedly. Allegedly. Well, no. It's pretty, I mean, he's fine. Nah, he's a rapist.

Yeah, he's a piece of shit. Yeah, he's a fucking turd. He's a piece of shit. But I'm saying, but I'm saying with Chris Brown, Louis C.K., it's same thing with the Dunkin' Donuts, guys. If you made the best chocolate glazed donut in the world, you're going to get a second chance way faster than anyone else. You just got to move to another country to make donuts.

Yeah, but so. So you got to go, you got to go somewhere else to make donuts. I think that's what people really wanted him to do. I think people wanted him to just get the fuck out of the United States. which I heard a rumor that he was living in London or something like that. New CK?

Yeah, somebody said he was living in London and was not in New York anymore. They wanted him to go away for whatever time apologize in such a big, grandiose way. Like in such a big...

Like donate to... See, the way to start a fun. I don't know what you do. Sure, I don't know, man. I've never fucking jerked off in front of women and then got in trouble for it. So I don't know what the answer is

but I think like I think they just wanted a show of... They want something. He should have fucking showed something. something, not just come back to the seller and be like, my bat, being gone a year. Yeah, like, can you imagine?

But I'm not looking for a timeline here. I think in a lot of ways, the fact that he had two daughters, the fact that he had to face this massive public accumulation, losing millions of dollars. To me, that's a large price to pay, right? But that's all personal issues for him. They're saying you've done nothing for these victims. You've learned nothing. You've lost millions of dollars.

What would he do? That's the question. That's what I'm saying, what's the answer? Yeah, that's right. People don't care. People don't, the boohoo thing of like, I lost money. People are like, dude, you're worth 50, no one. of shit. You can just go on tour again. My family has heard people

like, too bad. You heard a lot of other families. No, I'm saying he's paid a price in that sense. Personally, though, but he hasn't done anything for the overall. I don't think he could. I don't think there is anything to, first of all, I don't think those women need to, I don't even think those women, I don't think it would make it better if he was like, I'm really sorry. You don't think just a slip $10 million

check? No, no, no, no, it's not. It's not, it's not for them as much as it is for the public movement. That's what people want. I'm just saying like, they want a just symbolic A gesture, a gesture, yes. Do you think they're ever going to be happy? Like, let's say Luis K was like, hey, for 2019, half of my income is going to go to this fund. They still would like half.

If he did a special, if he did this Ted special that I'm talking about or whatever he's going to do the next thing, he donated every single dollar of it to a thing. People would slowly, that it would just like, whoop, it would start to change. He's going to come back. Of course. But Americans, it's bad. Americans love a second act. It's our favorite thing in the world.

We love a second act. We love redemption. And I think that's an overall, I think that's a positive thing. Even when you fail again, we still are like, come on, you want to come one more time? We'll let you back in. I think overall it's a lot of athletes, yeah. Yeah, we all, we all, because I think we all inherently know that all of us are flawed and that all of us. Robert Downey Jr.

Yep. I don't think there's ever been a greater story of like, watch me bounce back so big. I'll be the biggest movie star after you fucking hate me. You want me gone. Here's the other thing. Somebody, somebody was talking to me about this over the phone. And I think we should move on to something else because fucking. I just, it's exhausting.

Tell us what your friend said, though. He said, he said, you know what's interesting? Sex was at play at this. Sex was the crux of this whole thing, right? The weird, the weird gray area of like sexual interactions between private people behind closed doors. He goes, if he was an addict, if this was about drugs or alcohol, I guarantee you, this story would have been more felt by people. They would have gone, oh, man, he's really, he's got issues. Because you're doing it to yourself, not to somebody else.

Because they don't want to admit the fact that he's, his sexual deviancy is. an addiction. It is a real issue, but people go, fuff, but if he goes, dude, I was on heroin, I was fucked and I went and got help, and I'm trying to clean my people would have been like, dude, his heart. You know what, it's the same thing with mental illness though, too. Same thing. Yeah, same thing. People choose what they want to give you a pass for.

Sex has always been something that's unforgivable. Like, sexual transgressions are somehow they destroy you. Remember when Terry Cruz came out was like, I was a sex addict? and I remember most guys are like what the fuck he's like I was addicted to porno I would jack off every day

I'm like uh well where's this group at where you guys mean that we meet at the grove every Tuesday if you want to know no but but that's my thing is like again it's like that

we give such there's such resonance to addiction in our society but people choose which addictions that don't pay with yeah oh by the way there's also a lot I'm reading this book by Nell Strauss Candy He really gives a fuck. You heard this book? Yeah. It's a very good book.

Neil Strauss wrote the book, The Truth. He got caught cheating on his girlfriend and went to sex rehab and went to sex addiction. And then went and looked at every expert on this stuff. And it was fascinating because what they're doing now with, so men, there's this evolutionary biologist who studied this more than anybody else. And she basically came out and said, she's a woman. She goes, you know what? That's basically, yeah. I'm really smart guy.

I just got two girls. I keep on. And basically he said, she said, human beings. especially men are essentially adulterous creatures. And she does all this study and history and everything else. Cheater by nature. But what the sex addiction business, and it's a business, is this. You are men, men, a lot of men, either watch porn, stray, lust other women, think about other women.

And there is an industry that will tell you essentially that you have a sex addiction and that you actually pornography women in general and break them in. the body parts and they create a pathology around just how your mind is yeah and and then and then and then there's real money in treating you which then becomes a major business because they can bill your insurance wait but what's the truth so what was this true so it's a really really interesting book saying that guys like the fuck other girls basically about about whether or not monogamy is natural uh is possible without giving up other things uh it's a fascinating book. I recommend it highly. I'm halfway through it. Is there any conclusion? I'm halfway through.

Does he give any sort of insight? Like, very much so. The insight is, and he really, Mr. Steele, your girl. He really, in earnest, he in earnest went and tried to really solve this problem. He's very charismatic and smart. Do you know what it sounds like? It sounds like a very successful, I'm sorry to his girlfriend. Correct. Oh, got caught cheating. Oh, no. I'm like, I'm writing the truth. Oh, no. Also, it's going to make us millions. My bad. I'm going to bad. There's a ring. They're not dating. They're not dating. anymore. It's fucking brutally honest. He's brutally honest. He wrote a book with Dave Navarro too. He's a very good writer. Yeah, he's a he was a he was a he was a journalist for, he's a

journalist for Rolling Stone magazine. And when he wrote the game, it changed everything. It was a that's a fascinating book too. He went and studied about picking girls up. He went and studied all these pickup artists. And then he wrote the truth come out after that. Can I say something about the game? So he wrote a book about picking girls up and then wrote a book about Chian's No, he wrote a book about he went and studied the people that teach men how to pick up women. And he studied the guys that are master's at him. What were you going to say about it? When I first moved to Los Angeles, my first place that I lived with two dudes, one of the dudes was a extremely socially awkward, probably on the spectrum.

Sweet dude out there, Space Cadet. He read that fucking book. I am not kidding. Transformed his life. I swear to God with my own eyes, I watch a guy start to get girls. It blew my mind. I read that fucking. Women came to our apartment.

I was like, this guy doesn't fuck? That's true. This guy can't fuck. He fucks now. Oh, he fucks. It blew. Did he start dressing different? Dressing different.

See you later, boys. Acting different. Don't stay up. It's dangerous. It's dangerous information. I read it and I went, oh, I'm not going to, I'm not using any of these techniques because they would work. All of them work.

I'm serious. I watched a man go from a kid who admittedly, I hope he hears, he doesn't hear this. He will. He used to, when he was in his, in college, he was so like, he was. so like he was so a much of a recluse that he would piss in Gatorade bottles in the basement of the apartment they lived in

because he didn't feel like going out up to the bathroom. Oh, he's lazy. Not been there. No, no, no, no. It's more like he was just kind of like so inside, scared, anxiety, right and depressed. Yeah, this guy flip the fucking coin and then here he is he's got girls coming over to my apartment. He's lighting candles, this guy.

Dicking girls down. Yeah, I got a couple of girls coming over. Oh my, my. I was like, who's this? This fucking guy's a pissing bottles. You used to bottle piss. Now you got girls coming off. Pissing bottles. I said to Neil, I go, why did you write the game? He goes, I was lonely. I was lonely, and I didn't like being lonely, and I never had a date

in high school or college. And now? Well, I mean, the shit works. He changed his name to style. What does that mean? What does this even mean? That was a before and after. Before he wrote the book and then after he wrote the book.

Mr. Stewart was a girl on the right? By the way, that's not him. He's an intellectual who does these experiments. So he takes, he plays a character. Yeah. He does these. experiments. He's a journalist who emmeshes himself in the world and actually goes through it.

And it's fucking fascinating. That looks like Elon Musk before and after. Yeah, it does. You ever see what Elon looked like when he was young? You've never seen Elon before he hit the lottery? I saw like an old video when he's in like a Dude, Elon Musk is one of those guys. Elon Musk. We should get him on the podcast. Who? Neal. He's a... Look at that. Look at that. Look at that.

Look at that. Go up. The third picture with PayPal. Look at that. That's Elon on the right. No. Yeah. What happened, bro? Money! Now go to the top right? Now go to the top right? Oh! fucking rich and stoked on him. He's got some hair. Billions, bro. His teeth look good. His hair looks good. He dresses good. I love it.

He looks like he's in a movie right there. I'm in a movie. What movie you shoot, Elon? You sexy. Fuck, he's in a courtroom winning money. Look at that PayPal pictures. He started as a nerd. Go to that Tesla jacket left. One second photo. Is that Tony Hawk with him then? Second picture. This guy? Yeah. Look at that Tesla. Look at my fucking jackets, my company. He looks great. What are you going to ask me some questions? I'm in my warehouse of the company that I own.

My wife has a real thing for him. I'll lose her. Do you know how many women I know? That's say that that's the guy? My wife is unabashedly in love. Go down. Can we scroll down to some other photos? Sure. Let's see what else have we got.

He might have. Look at them on the phone there. Going that, they were going that, uh, yeah. Hello. He was dating, uh,

Johnny Depp's old girl. Ever heard. And then they broke up, right? Something happened, right? Did something bad happen? Did she do something bad happen? Yeah, I think she couldn't get out the door

because all the money. Uh, she had to kick it under the bed. Yeah, she like, he was sick of, he dated this guy, he was dating her now. Oh, wow.

That's who he's day now? Pop artist. What's her name? I forgot. Grimes. Is she famous? She is now? Because he's like, here's a bill. He is.

I wonder if he does like the Jeter thing. You know when Jeter like fucks and he gives you like a gift bag with a baseball in it? I wonder if he gives you like a Tesla. He's like, get the fuck out of here, kid. Go get your Tesla. And here's a USB. But what if you saw the girl that he used to fuck get the best less said, like the PD100? And then you got the three, the new one?

I know. The $50,000 one? I know. Wouldn't that be sad? He's like, yeah, you got to go. I saw him there with Grimes at Via Veneto Did you? Go down a little bit Let's keep going

Look at him as a kid I'm gonna be rich Kid kid Not cute there Were you a cute kid Andrew? Come on Yeah Look at me, you know what I mean?

No, you're a good looking guy I was a cute cute cute You've always gotten girls Try to do Andrew Santino kid See if it does I don't think there's young Andrew San Antonio Did you grow up playing baseball in Chicago You look like a kid

He played summer baseball With a wooden stick Baseball basketball I still play but you know What? Andrew San Antonio? No, see, go down. You play in college, D1?

None of that. None of that. I'll go young. That's not you, is it? Where? No, that ain't me. No, he has red hair, bro. How good were you at baseball, Andrew?

Basketball was my best sport. By a landslide. Really? Now, see, if you go on my Instagram, I got pictures of me when I was a little baby boy. Family? You have brothers, sisters? One sister. I was an athlete.

Still an athlete, though, Brian. Take it easy. I'm still an athlete. You're challenging me, man. Yeah, well, I'm still an athlete. All right, take it easy. All right? I'll school you on the

Go keep scrolling down Let's go through my gram real quick Go through my gram real quick There's me with Ron Jeremy, the pipe king Keep going on Oh wow Is the hedgehog of porn Keep going keep going

Dude where are you doing the little dicky We did a pilot for Fass Yeah we did a pilot With the mustache go over there He's a brilliant dude Right there right there That's a poster for gay men Dude

That's like that same guy was showing his bush We saw earlier If you're into gay farmers If you're in so many roles in 2012 If you're in a red-headed Gay Farmers That guy with a mustache Pick an apple and fuck you're right.

Man, if you like to pick apples and get banged by our red. If you want a carrot, you want me to dump in your mouth? Hey, um. Keep going down. Look at us. With little dicky, good dude, huh? Look at me as a kid on the lake in Lake Michigan. Yeah, there he is.

Get out of my face. Look at that cute patoot. Look at this kid. I got my, look at my lacost shirt on. You look 40. You look like a 40-year-old. You're super fucked up. Maybe there's another one because I'm not sold on this kid.

I'm not ready to. I'm not ready to have worked on your face. Scroll down. There's got to be, there's more. There he is. Keep going. That's me naked. Show Brian,

then one of me naked. Let me see. Let me take in the cock. By the way, I'm not mad at the body. Well done, sir. What are you doing? I had to jerk off on showtime. We did a nude scene where I jerk.

I'm jerking off and I get a phone call it. My dad is dead. All right. Let's scroll down. Look at that. Look at that basketball camp. Duke and UNC. There you go.

Getting cute on the left. Then when you got braces. That's a weird time. Struggle City. I know I call it Struggle City. We all went through it. I was missing. City.

Keep going down. Struggle City is good. Hold on. What are you doing that at Rari? That sounds like a fucking good t-shirt. I rented a Ferrari for the showtime promo we did. I rented that 95. I wanted the one that Jordan was in.

Love it. Keep going down. Oh, that's me. Wait, hold on. That's me 45. Go up in the red shirt. I said, I'm Jerry Mick Seinfeld. Look at me.

Big jeans, bro. Well, big jeans, bro. What's the deal with big jeans? Those are like, those are massive. I can hear my dad go, tuck it in. Talk it in. But I don't like tuck it in. keep going down.

There's got to be one more real cute one. I'm a kid kid. I'm still waiting for like a real cute one. My profile is of me as a kid, but I can't, but look at it. Go up. Look at that with my little sister. Okay. There we go. There we go. Oh, one eye on the sis. She's taking a shit.

One eye on the sis. That's an amazing. That's a great picture. Yeah, that's a powerful. That's definitely my mom. My mom is very, very funny, but secret funny. Those eyes belong in American Horror Story. Yeah. Not the baby.

Baby those are the blackest black You have some current events Those are Those are Those are Go up real quick There's a picture Or go back

Those eyes see into the O'Donnell Let me see if it's maybe down There's a picture This is how funny my mother Okay look look this one Me petting a horse Look at that Go pet the horse

Look at this is how funny my mom It's shit It's just shit That's what my mom would do Yeah Let's go get a picture With the poop With the horse

That's shit My mom was very funny Was She is funny She's lost her sense of humor she's lost to the humor since Joe Biden died since Joe Biden passed away

yeah sad get out of this get out of that get out of his gram get out of his gram get out of his gram get off the gram dog get out of all that stuff

I like me have a blurry picture of Adam Ray that's a video of him we do this bit we do this bit where we chase each other let me see it

you gotta hear it let me see it Adam Ray I thought get angry get angry yeah once you get a nice try

oh we got there's a fucking So it's like a series we were doing It's talking shit And then he said this I think it's true You forgot there's a gate didn't you Keep going, keep going, keep going way down

You forgot there's a gate No, no I like I get, I never get tired of the dumb, dumb bits Like keep going It's my favorite shit It to me was like we used to do it all the time of him We run into each other and then I go You and I did a bit for a little while

Andrew would look at me and go thanks Brian's Brian County He's left the business I didn't leave the business Alright get out of it, it's gone All right. Yeah, you left a business. When you, okay, when they gave you this offer to do the TV show, do you think that they, do you think that,

you think they took a shot on you because you've been around for too long? Andrew, that's a shitty question. Do you think it's, hey. You're being shitty right now. Let me say this. Are you talented? Undeniably. I will say that.

I've seen you, you're very funny on stage. You do great stuff on camera. Thank you. Are you, can you hold a show? come on I mean what a bad bet it's ABC they sink so many ships over there too

so this one's gonna fucking fall to the bottom of the earth I have a more number two this fall Brian Callen barely makes you laugh I mean what's the promo I'm with Tim Meadows for fuck's sake oh man well he's not gonna be able to pull you up from anything

he's way funnier than you he's gonna be way up top making everyone laugh and they're gonna go who's this guy dragging down Meadows Tim Meadows SNL one of the greatest dragging them. Ladies man. One of the greatest, most brilliant comedians of all time,

and they got you! They got me. They got me. But I'm going to learn from them, and I'm going to pull it up, and we're going to get you on there as a guest. I would love to. Let me be honest. I'm so happy for you. Genuinely, when I heard that news, you know who told me DeLea? Chris DeLea, if you guys don't know who he is, he does, uh, he's like a podcast. He's a podcast guy or something? He's a YouTuber. Yeah, podcasters. Yeah. And he, uh, he said,

did you hear about Callan? And my initial thought, this is your son. He thought he died. No. No. No, not. death. He's young and he's in shit. He said, did you hear about Callant? And I said, I knew it. Because the first time I met Callan nice, always nice, but like, effeminate.

And I thought, he is gay. I knew, and I thought this was a come out party. And I got excited. I said, we're going to have a come out party for Brian. It's about time. It's about time. Did Brendan put him up to this? Did you think that? Hashtag it's about time. It's about time. On Reddit, there's a whole thing of RIP Callan.

And I was like, what are you doing on Reddit? No, people were sending it to me. I never been on Reddit in my life. You don't know about you were dead. Well, we know because you thought Chris Brown didn't beat Rihanna five years ago. I know you don't know. You're on whizzy at. I know.

I know. I don't read that. But I was genuinely happy when Chris told me about it because I thought that's, that is a wonderful. What a wonderful thing. It's hard for people in our business that are talented to get stuff. Let's be honest. A lot of people get stuff and you're like, I cannot believe this is happening. I know.

But I'm not going to get mad at anymore. I just can't believe they're not finding the best people for things sometimes. where you go, how is that the best shot? How did you guys not? I don't know. So I'm happy for you. Thanks, pal. And if, if, if, if, if I feel like it, I will do, I will do a couple episodes.

That's so, that's just me being honest. I will get the offer. No, I don't know. And it'll say, it'll be scenes with Brian. And I'll go, can I be with Tim? No, see. Is there a chance that can be all with Tim? Andrew, you gave me a comment.

Now you're being shitty again. No, not being shitty. I just, I don't want to work with you. I'd rather work with Tim. What am I going to get out of you? I have some surprises up my sleeve. I got some comedic surprises up my sleeve. Not right now.

You don't. All right. This is a bad. Pitch me on why I should work on it with you. Take those golden shoes with you. I don't want those. He told me if they're Game of Thrones. I don't want that stuff.

You don't watch Game of Thrones? No, but that's cursed. You don't watch Game of Thrones. We talked about it. I didn't have any interest, okay? I didn't either. For years. I just caught up on season seven like six months ago.

And? So that just set me back. What you just said makes me turn off more. What? Seven, second. How am I going to get through seven seasons? It's daunting. I'll give you that.

Brendan. An hour of, how many episodes? Not enough. Probably 10. Not enough. So 70. Not enough. 490 hours?

Brandon, what do you think? The complete waste of your time. Is that true? Yes. No, I'm just kidding. Let me put it you like this. It is amazing. He hasn't seen the Sopranos ever.

He's got to get involved in the Sopranos. All right, dude. Am I right? I don't have any room for that. That kind of stuff is embarrassing. Thank you. You've never seen Game of Thrones? You need to watch...

Are you even trying to say that Game of Thrones is even near Sopranos? One of the greatest written television shows in history. You ever seen a white walker? Let me tell you something. I don't fuck with...

I don't fuck with dragons. I don't fuck with dragons or sister fuckers. Dude, I didn't either. They got sister fuckers all over that show. Yeah, they do. Incest and dragons? Yeah, they do. I don't like either of them.

How about that? I don't either. No, the sopranos. You got to get the best show. How many seasons? You got to get under your best. How many seasons? Not enough.

Of the sopranos? Not enough. Not enough. There was... Six. No. Yeah. Was it six or seven?

It was six. It's the best show. It's the best show ever. But I heard the ending, it just goes black and everyone was so mad. Oh, well, now you fucking yourself ought to have it a good time. You don't understand. You don't understand. Now, I need you to watch the Sopranos.

Oh, that's about a guy in New York Mafia. Hey, one of the greatest actors that's ever lived. And one of the greatest shows ever. Probably one of the best roles on the best shows. Correct. You'll love it, B. You know he passed away, Brian. Yeah, you'll love it.

He died he died with Joe Biden and that plane crash Brendan you will fucking love it You will love You will love it Have you seen Ozark Oh

That's a show That's a great show That's a good show Okay so when someone says Why don't you watch Game of Thrones I'm watching Ozark I don't watch

Watch one scene of Supranas Throw that up there For a second Fellas I gotta leave in five minutes All right We'll just carry on

What time is it One of 10 110? Oh I'll finish up with Is Joey Diaz I know it looks like how does Joey Diaz not get casted in this fucking show

now I'm not watching because Joey's not in it A long lost leader Somebody must owe him money Always loved his shirts Tony had the best shirts He always had like this big Tommy Bahama shirts You gotta be fat to wear those though

Yeah you do They look bad on skinned You will love the show Trust me His lawyer says the gun charge Will not stick Yeah Will not stick

We were just talking about You know Down the docks driving off some of that Japanese technology. Hesha knows a guy. Oh, yeah? So what else is going on? Nothing.

Come on. This is the scene that's supposed to sell me on the show? The gun charge won't stand. We're going to knock off some Japanese technology. What else you got? Let me massage my feet. Well, let me shine my shoes That's hilarious

It's such a good show, dude What is he doing? You guys could have gave me a better scene No, he starts massaging himself with him You could have gave me a better scene Yeah, bye I gotta go back to the show I'm gonna go watch the rest of this show

If a show's that good I could spend the whole podcast watching the show Do you see the wire? Yeah, I love the wire You saw all seasons of the wire? I've seen every episode Love it, love the wire Some say it's the greatest series of all time

It's up there It's up there But there's nothing like this Come on again Carmine. We'll tell them no speeding in the neighborhood. Come on it. Come on.

What a fuck's the matter with you? How much times we got to... That I Rock Z. Great going. So New York. So Jersey. Jersey. So Jersey. So aggressive.

Speeding in the neighborhood. Come on. Where is this on TV anymore? Now this is one of the greatest show. shows ever. It really is. I know you guys said that several times. Tony. Oh, Agent Harry.

It won like every award every year, too, right? All right. Stop this. Stop for this. Because now I'm going to get sucked in. Me too. I started getting sucked in. I'm going to get so deep. I'm going to go home and now I'm going to have to watch it. I want to get deep into it, man. I need a new series. You got to watch it. All the seasons are on HBO, too. I'm sure, demand. Yeah, I'm sure. Or Netflix.

By now. They got to be on Netflix. No, I doubt. Netflix. Did Netflix buy that from HBO? That'd be, I doubt it. What didn't they fucking buy? No. No. It's on HBO. Amazon. Amazon, sure. I don't have it. Did you do a special? Did you shoot a special? I did. Who was it for? I did it with comedy dynamics now where I'm editing it today. I'm going there. You want to go to Netflix? I do. Yeah. What do you think? The N-word. That's the real N-word. Yeah. I talked about on Rogan's thing. I don't, I don't get it. I don't know if they want me over there at all. I don't really know. Nobody likes me over there. Well, I don't know any better.

I just think, like, I don't get it. But, like, Netflix is like, uh, Netflix is like Woody Allen. Yeah. Where you're like, where Woody Pitt, where people are like, Woody Allen, that's son of a bitch. Yeah.

It's like, he offered you a role. It's like, what day do we start? Yeah, I know. Like Netflix, I'm like, why are you saying that about Netflix? Because I'm, because, because I mean it in the sense of like, did you, did you, did you try to sell your last special to them? No, no, no, showtime gave me a deal.

So I did a special with Showtime. It's the only thing I've ever done. I did a half hour with Comedy Central. And then Showtime was like, do you want to do a special? Yeah, your special was great. It was fun. It was okay. I just, like, I just, I wanted more eyes on it.

And Netflix was the place and like, after I did that, I was like, I really want to do something with them. And I think we've reached out to them. And they were like, yeah, you know, we just, for hours, they're looking for theater acts. I can't sell theaters yet. And then they were like, well, what about the halves or whatever? And they're like, we just have them kind of packed up right now. And so I just think maybe it's a, don't really like you that much, don't really like your shit that much. Which is fine.

It's a lot of stuff, Andrew. I'm going on. Yeah, it's a million things. It's a million things. But the truth is, I say that analogy, not that Netflix is touching their stepdaughters. I just mean like, everyone is mad at them a little bit right now because it's like, God, they're fucking making a million specials. And everyone is, and what the fuck? It's kind of clogged. It's doing this thing to the comedy world. But any comic who complains about it, if they picked up the phone and we're like, hey, we'll give you a special mom. And fuck, everyone will go, huh, huh, I can't wait. It can change everything. Dude, but you could also. If it's the right algorithm, it can change

it. They could also tell you, hey, we will buy your special. We're also going to bury it. And you'd go, fine, doesn't matter, because it lives there forever. And you know who has Netflix? The fucking world. This is the one thing I say about Comedy Central. I've done business with them for years. I love those guys. They were the first people to put me on TV.

Canada can't see Comedy Central. Yep. What do you need to know? North America can't even see shit you put on. Netflix is fucking everywhere. Everyone else needs to just catch up and go, we're everywhere. Go, here. Have all of it.

And on demand, digital stuff like that too. You should pay one fee like Netflix and you get all the shit you need. Comedy Central goes, give me $10 a year. You can fucking have everything we've ever made. Comedy Central online. Make their own... Does Showtime move to the needle at all? When you got a special? No. No, because Showtime is a very limited

market. It's only for user basis. If you're not a Showtime user, you can't see it. If you're not a Netflix user, you ask them for their password, now you see it. It's like, hey, does your cousin have a... Yeah, sure. Everyone has Netflix. It's like... Showtime was hard. They treated me well. I like those people. How long ago was that Showtime special?

I shot it two years ago. It came out a year and a half ago. The other thing guys are doing, too, is if you do a special on Showtime or HBO, what some of the bigger names are doing is it gets released on there, and that's a certain amount of time you can release it digitally. We have that contract too. Yeah, they did the same. The Sebastian, I think,

did the same thing. With Showtime's. His early ones, I think, he bought back from them. Or, I mean, he got the contract released from them, and then he's like, but there's a guy that popped off just Showtime. So there's something to be said about talent. It's also before Netflix came along. You know,

Right, but at the same time, it was also just because he's amazing and the stars were right for it. He could have done it on Hulu, Amazon, sometimes talent wins. He was just awesome. He could have done it on YouTube, Redd. It wouldn't matter. Could have done it on Reddit. Do you know what Reddit is, Brian? Yeah, I read it all the time. It's not a reading. It's not a reading time. I only read things. You only read for it. I got some special. I read special. You guys got it from here?

We got it from here, buddy. We'll take it. Where are you headed? I got a meeting. All right, buddy. What's the meeting for? It's with Netflix. Have a good day, fuck. What, that. What the hell? He's kidding. No, we know. See ya, buddy.

Get out of here, you son gonna bitch. See you, cute, bye. You want your peanuts? No. There you go. Man, he left so sad. Yeah. No.

You guys were hating on Netflix, I figured I'd better get out. Do I go sit in this chair now? Do you want to? Yeah. Come over here. Come on over here, buddy. Get over here. You know what I like about you?

Whoa, I should do this more than Brendan. This is really comfortable for me. You're good, and you got some length of bone. How tall are you? Six-five? Six-one. Six-two. on a six two on you're you're a legit six one yeah i'm probably closer to six two but six one uh yeah you're

almost six two and you've got long legs and long arms yeah yeah yeah that's why you can play basketball that's what yeah you have you ever dunk yep is that true i dunked a lot is that true yeah i have a lot of proof of it too that's impressive i took a bunch of pictures when i was in college because i knew that years later i would stop being able to and i thought i got to show people that i can do it that's not easy because my kid's gonna go you couldn't fucking don't you can palm a ball yeah certain ball yeah certain balls are easier. Yeah, leather balls are harder.

Composite leather is the easiest. Real, at the NBA ball, hard ball to palm. It is, isn't it? It's just, guys, just not, yeah. Composite leather I can do. Guys with those, I've always wanted to be, all I wanted was to be able to have

the kind of physical structure that could dunk a basketball. That would be pretty cool. Jump, jumping was always my... I want just two inches longer, two inches, if I had two inches more, because I can jump, okay. I just need two more inches.

Two more inches. But now there's like, there's these, you go on YouTube, there's like drills where people teach themselves how to jump. There's guys that have like small verticals. Yeah. They train and they get bigger verticals. Yeah. Too busy for that for me. It's like, it's like learning how to do a backflip.

I'd like to do that. And I could. I don't, I'm too busy. You don't need to do a backflip, though. No. There's not one time in your life when someone says, do a backflip and we won't kill you. I want to have some air awareness. I want to be an aerial.

I want to be an aerial athlete. You know what I mean? An aerialist? I want to be an aerialist You want to be up in the air doing stuff Sometimes In case I got a If you could go pro at any sport

Would it have been What would it have been? Parkour Not a pro sport No if I could go pro If I mean if I had my druthers Yeah The sport I love

Tennis Tennis Boxing Boxing Probably boxing Tennis just seems such a boring I would love to be able to I really love boxing

So I think if I'd come to it At a young age Two things would have happened One I would have become obsessed And give myself Brain Damage Trying to become good Or the other is

I would have gotten hit hard enough, so I stopped. Someone put you out. Well, you can, you can box. It's really fun. And then you can take a shot. And I've been knocked out. How's your chin? It's, I have no idea.

Not good. I've been knocked out plenty. When I say plenty, I've probably been knocked out, like, knocked out five times when I was in Taekpondo. You definitely got brain damage. Yeah. When I was, when I was, when I was, when I was, when I was, you'd get caught with a wheel kick. You'd get caught with a roundhouse, whatever it was.

You'd have a cold one day, you'd spar, you wouldn't be thinking, and you'd turn, somebody you'd kick in the face, whatever. It would just happen. Never had it happen in a tournament. But boxing, and I came back, you would always be a little shy. You'd always be a little gun shy when you'd spar. It would ruin you for six months sometimes. Six months?

Yeah, because when you get hit in the head, for me, for me, I hated it. Some guys get hit in the head and they're like, they come back more. Me, I wanted to cry, literally would want to cry, and I would not be all right. I'd just not be all right because I'd be so vulnerable and for six months I'd be gun shy and my sparring would suck

boxing I've not gotten there because I spar guys who are not good I spar guys who are and we're moving around and it's moving around what's the age and weight are they your age? Everybody's younger than me

everybody's younger everybody's younger so they whoop your ass? No people don't whoop your ass no but about in a street fight do you think you'd be good

in a street fight? I don't know depends on who I'm fighting I think about that You're probably better at me at boxing, but I think I might... But I was a wrestler, but I think I might murder you in a street fight. I was a wrestler. But I just, it's all up, I'm staying up.

I'll, have you ever had any, have you ever, have you ever done any stand-up? Comedy? I've been doing it for a while, Brian. Have you ever, I'm in blackbone type window and I box a lot. I know, but I just want to fight you in the street. Yeah, I'll kill you. Okay. And I don't like the way you're looking at me right now.

Because I'm, I'm going to do it. Watch your hand. Now, you've got some long hands, but I'm going to get under your fucking, whatever you throw, I'm going to dip, and I'm going to be close to you on either side, and then I'm going to work your goddamn body. Okay. You know what, though? I'll probably just hug you. We're going to loop this clip at the hospital to the doctor that has to put us back together. Street fight's a whole different game.

All I learned was street fighting as a kid. That's all I knew. Yeah, you seem like a good. You have some, you're a comic, and you're athletic, so you have some anger. I just got made fun of when I was a kid, so I would just punch people. These are true stories. I got kicked out of kindergarten. garden for fighting you're you're you're Italian you're from Chicago asshole yeah anger you'll

fight oh man I was so quick to fight well I'll choose you of all the comics there are a lot of comics you know if I had to go fight if I was in a bar and they said you're one of the first guys I'm going to call who's the last guy you would call uh Bobby Lee yeah but I bet if he shows his dick they clear out and everyone's gone but but but I love Bobby but most comics are not going to get your back and they're also not going to be able to fight Bobby's the reason that I'm at the comedy store. Then again, all this stuff comes from my insecurity and self-loathing. My neighbor

goes, man, you're so disciplined. You work out. I go, I'm not disciplined. I'm just insecure and I don't like myself. So you're secure enough to have a belly. I am not secure enough at 51. I still have to go spar in case something happens. Yeah. That's who you're dealing with. Yeah. I stay in shape

I stay in shape because I can't be I can't be sad and fat. That's right. I can be sad and shape. Yeah. I can have a tough. I don't get sad, by the way. I definitely get sad. I'm lucky that way. You're too dumb to be sad. I'm dumb, dumb, I'm a dumb, I don't, I don't think deeply. I can take a nap and I'm fine, no matter what happens. I can never take a nap. If I take a nap, I'm reeling. If I'm sleeping, if I'm sleeping well, and I'm working out, very little

gets me down. What is your workout routine? Are you every day? So I do a combination of CrossFit and I box a lot now, especially now. I don't like CrossFit. I don't either I don't either And my heart races Every time I have to go Train with my buddy Nick Who

I train now at Deuce Which is an open garage on Lincoln And everyone can see you Everybody's stronger than me Everybody's tougher than me Everybody's a real crossfitter And then there's the fucking The actor

The sweetie Who wears a hat So the sun doesn't hit his face I wear one of those golf hats A golf hat A golf hat Like a huh Yeah I'm not

What do you weigh? I'm 170 Tops 165 if you're like like lean. I'm lean right now. Because I, because of my psoriasis, I have to eat very, very specifically. What's psoriasis again? It's on your skin? It's better. It's so much better now. I've seen this on the commercials. Jesus, it's so much better. Look at how much better my legs there. But that's what it is. But I see this on commercials and then they have to cover it up because

they're embarrassed. Well, yeah, dude, I get, I mean, I get plaque psoriasis and I'm not careful. What is that from? On the side, my size of my body. Is that from? It's an autoimmune disease. It's good stuff. No, it's just from like, you can take a cream, it won't work. The way you grew up? No, they don't know. Do your parents have it? No, it just happened 12 years ago, but it started getting really bad in the past year. Do you think it has something to do with you the way you live your life? Oh, well, you mean because I'm a high stress, never relaxed person? You were talking about Capri and my, I mean, you're right. You must take time in life. You have to. And I propose this. You won't do it. But I believe that once a month,

once every two weeks, we should be having dinners with smart, fun people. Just let's make, I'll hire the guy to come cook. Let's sit around, have a meal, and eat some goddamn food. You're more than welcome. If you invite me, I'll go. Not yet, Kat. You're too young and you're a gal. Can I tell you something?

Yeah. I'm going to take you to dinner because of what he just said. Jesus. No, I like Kat. I don't know Kat. Oh, I don't know either, but I just invited her to dinner because I think she seems nice. That dude's my brother right there. Chin's coming.

He's definitely not your brother. I love him. Literally not. Not blood. We're related. We're related. By how? There's a deep thing.

We have the same mom, mom. So you have the same mother? We do. What is her name? Michelle. Jennifer Michelle? Jennifer Michelle? It's a hyphenated name? Jennifer Michelle.

And where, and where were you born? South Korea. Saul Korea. And where was he born? Right in there, yeah. You were born in South Korea? In that area, yeah. What's the, what is, like where?

What specifically that? Yeah, so the, so where he was talking about in Seoul. Same spot. In the same, yeah, pretty much the same hospital. Wow. the age difference? Right now? Yeah. Right now the age difference is exactly 11 years. Yeah.

11 years, yeah. He's my little brother. Yeah, he's your little brother. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. My little half Korean. Can I tell you something? Yeah. It all adds up. I believe every piece of it. Everything adds up. I'm taking cats to dinner because of what you just said. Yeah. I also want to come to, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to take her to lunch and then come to your dinner with the fun thing and I might bring her. You're going to crash the dinner with her? With her. She'll be my date. She's on your arm. Is Nancy married? Yeah, but on my arm. I don't, I don't own her. She's pregnant as fun. She's. She's pregnant as are you pregnant no but she will be with your red-headed baby and and you'll be beating her what do you think about it yeah that i did say it what kind of we would have a very odd looking baby you're both good looking people yeah but not half asian half like yeah but half asian half

red that could be tough he's not scottisirus he's high italian it'll be the most beautiful baby ever yeah i love this attitude i love this attitude half white babies are beautiful yeah but but but but you're talking about a kind of white i'm a unique species of white. You guys got to be careful because you might just fall in love. What do you think I'm doing over him, bro? That's what I'm talking about. That's fucking got. Because he's, he looks like a, he looks like a very Anglo white. If someone says, yeah, yeah, if someone said, uh, half Sicilian, well, 100%.

I know, but you look white. Yeah. You have a white man. If it says, who, what's a white man? They'd probably draw you. Yeah. I had a director say that because I never recognize you. I go, why he goes, you just looked like every man. You look like a man. Gary, Gary Fleeter, my buddy. I was like, but, but this is a nice point. This is a nice point. Isn't it nice to look like just a guy's guy? There's not a lot of look guy's guys in the business. Well, I got shoulders for days. My waist is so tapered. I got a dick, so there's a lot of stuff going on.

Nice dick, kill his shoulders. Humble, too. I'm humble. I got a nice dick. I got killer shoulders and I got a lot of fast-switch muscle, which is why I can almost dunk a basketball. If I had two more inches of fucking bone. If there's one thing that you need in your life that you could change,

what would it be? I'd like to be less impulsive. I'd like to be... Good luck. Yeah. I'd like to be less nervous. I'm just a neurotic, I guess. Two things you literally, yeah, you can't change them.

No, and I don't know if I, I want to. At the end of the day, I am, I am, I'm a flawed guy. Very flawed. Yeah. Very, very, very flawed. Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. There's a blog called flawed, flawed, flawed call-a-callon. Very flawed, callan.com.

I contribute. I think about this, though. What's, if someone came up to you, I have this, like, daydream in the shower sometimes, a guy from Dubai. I don't know why it's Dubai because I like Dubai. and he's like, I'll give you $500 million to quit the business, disappear forever. Would you do it? First of all, I didn't know he was from Dubai, but of Spanish origin.

Could you hear it? That's very good. For $500 million. For $500, you quit? You quit. Would you quit the business for a half a billion dollars and disappear forever? It's a very good question, and the answer might be yes, and here's why. I would, since I've done it, I feel it.

You've already been in the business. Yeah. For 32 years you've been working. I might dedicate myself to something completely different. And it might be something as simple as golf, literature, and just writing. Oh, I thought you meant golf. Is it golf literature? It's just all about golf.

Just all about golf. Stories about golf. Murdys, Eagles. Fictional, bagger vans. You'd write a bagger van story. I'd write a bagger van story over and over again. That's cute. Thank you.

Yeah, I don't know. $500. I think I might leave the business. Dude, every day in the shower, I think about that. Would you? I have a daydream every day. Before I came to this fucking thing, I hear you. I had a daydream in the morning of a man coming up to me on the street, grabbing me, throwing me in a van and going, 500 million and you got to get the fuck out of the business.

Because I want to get the fuck out of this business. I hate it. So, I fucking hate it. I really appreciate you saying that. This whole thing is a nightmare. Why do people think it's fun? It's such a hustle, dude. It sucks. It's dog shit. People don't realize what a fucking hustle it is and it's up to me every single day to figure out a way to make money. Hence neuroses, hence tensness, hence psoriasis. Yeah, seriously. You know where this is going? My mother said that to me. My mother goes, yeah. I have so much pressure on my shoulders.

I could poop a diamond today. I could shit out a diamond this afternoon. I'm in the middle of buying a house. Oh, God. Put a gun on my cock. That'll do it. Shoot my penis right off my body. Because houses are so cheap in Los Angeles.

Yeah, they're cheap and they're easy to buy. And they give out loans. They just throw them at you. Yeah, they don't look like every fucking detail. I know all about that. They had to take pictures of my shoes. They had to want to know what kind of shoes I had. It's the most disgusting.

You're almost, you know, you're joking, but it's, it is a, It's almost that invasive. It's invasive. It's almost that invasive now. Tell us your, they wanted to know. Well, they want to make sure that money's not laundered. That's the homestown. Yeah, they wanted to know if it's stolen.

They want to make sure. But God, I wish I was around in 2006 when they were giving away fucking houses, you know, if you just had eyes. If you had two eyeballs. Yeah. If you were awake, they give you a house. My gardener got a loan, for real. But is it foreclosed on now? Yeah, but I pay my gardener $500,000 a year.

You pay them a half a million a year? Well, first of all, my grounds go on for, you know, as far as you can see and I got to do something with this money you got nine or ten acres out there don't you i do jesus in the middle of hollywood in the dead center of hollywood you got 10 acres of land you won't see it because the wall is so fucking high so we bought we just bought a half bed half bath it's um 16 square feet that's really small Andrew no what do you mean that size no i mean to be insulting whoa it just seems not all those have a fucking new show coming up right has half a bedroom half bed half baths 16 square feet um there is a we don't

We call it a driveway. We call it an upway because it's a few chunks of concrete that go near the front door. Three million dollars. It's two and a half. Yeah. It's two and a half million. No, you can't look at a place. If you come in, if you come in to buy a house in Los Angeles, I'm sorry to everybody out there. This is the truth. If you go, if you want to buy a house, and you have one million dollars, which is a shitload. Not a million. Nobody has a million. But if you can finance a million. If you can finance a million American dollar house. So you can put 200 grand down. They will let you, when you look at the houses available for a million dollars, you'll, you're not. You're not. You're not. You're not. You're not getting a yard, you're not getting anything. You don't get anything. They'll laugh at you. Yeah. They'll laugh. Your broker will be like,

the roof is separate. You have to pay for the roof outside. It's that fucked up. I've never, I've never felt so disgusted when I started looking for a house. You feel like a failure. Yeah. Loser.

Sometimes we would go to like $8 million houses just for fun. Oh, that's so fun. And I like toying with them. Yeah. I go, I like, I like poking. I look looking at imperfections and $8 million, $10 million houses and going, I don't know why these windows are set this way. Well, my brother-in-law made a lot of money retired at 40 and I went with him back in

the day. Yeah. I went with him back. Smartest guy. I know. Smartest guy on the plane. What do you do? What do he do? Finance. And he's the smartest man in the world. And I, and I, he's so smart that David Blaine was looking for the smartest guy in the world. David Blaine had 12 questions. He asked Bill Gates, everybody. I don't think he made a show. I asked my brother-in-law, all the questions. There were logic questions. My brother got all of them but one. Doesn't matter. The point is he's that smart and retired at 40. I went to look at the houses he was looking at. I went with him. Where was this at? Oh, here in L.A.? Yeah.

It's a, then he ended up buying, he bought a very beautiful, beautiful house. What part of the city? Tulika Lake. It's one of the biggest house. Beautiful, Tulika Lake up there. Come on. Gorgeous. Start a family?

Has he got a family? He's got four kids. Four? Perfect dad. Perfect dad. Yeah, he's a better person than I. Men and boys and girls kids? Men and women.

He adopted men from a home. Now, he's got. He has a bunch of men that just live in his home? Yes. That's a dangerous lifestyle. It is, it is. They're all, they've all had checkered past. But can I tell you something?

What? you got to start again somewhere and he's the second chance Louis call his brother did you look up did you look up when you moved into the area you moved into it did you look up if there was petos in the area I did on the amber

what's it called a yes I did and it looks like Megan's Law it looks like you know those textbooks where they show you people who had measles yeah yeah that's how many that's how many go to Megan's Law and look at a map of L.A. That's how many people that's how many sex there isn't there isn't a neighborhood

without an offender within they're everywhere a quarter of a mile they're everywhere it's a fact go to Megan's Law website look at the map so of course

I look up I look up in the area yeah you're thinking about having kids I just I just just in general yeah

I look up in the area yeah oh speckled perves everywhere it looks like somebody it's like somebody

it's like a measles Megan's Law map yeah sir just go click on the website they gotta have a map link on there right yeah

I don't see it here type in Megan's Law map oh no you gotta tell you're not a robot do you ever Ron Funchus has a joke about that

No. He's like pretty precarious of a robot asking me if I'm not a robot. This is a genius. I was like, that's a genius, Joe. I'm not supposed to do somebody else's jokes, right? That's what we're out right now. Oh. What is it?

That's going to be tougher because it's... Go down to L.A. Go zoom in all the way down to L.A. Go to 9-028. 9-028. Let's see what they say. Let's see how... Let's see how many purves there are over there.

I don't even know if that's a residential area. There's a couple? No, Zoom. That can't be right. My, I mean, there are areas where it's just like There you go Yeah, the more it gets Yeah, a lot of them

Yep, look at that Wow Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, where can you go that they're not there? Good luck Click on one of the dots It'll tell you what they did too It'll show you a photo and what they did

Look at it's a woman That's a woman, forget that Go to the man What did it say for her? I'm not worried about the women Go to the men She'd probably just hanging out Well, that's a male

No, that's a male That's a man Yeah A Dan Ramirez's gonna go on That's a guy So they just changed Oh yeah male

male Hispanic Ludolosivius acts with a child 14 years of come on yeah wow isn't that fucking crazy

they're everywhere see this guy Robert Graham King rape by force of fear rape by force of fear Jesus Christ try getting a job

good luck with that that's cool man Shoshana Bala what is hers Possessed control obscene matter depicting minor in sexual conduct

so child porn yeah By the way, why don't all these people that look at child porn, why do they keep it? I never understood that they all find them with it. Like, they keep it, they have it all over the place. I think they have flags and stuff on the website. You can find, you know, these people are, that they trade these things and they can catch them. Do you ever get, see, I get scared sometimes I'm looking at porno that like, what if like a video I click on that's on my normal porn site puts me in a category and I'm like, wait a night?

Well, that fucks me up. That scares me. That happens. Could that happen? I don't know, does it? Yes, yes, it does. Yes. um all right get rid of these

yeah there's so many let's do some current events while we have Andrew here yeah sounds good give it to me all right pornish yeah this thing was going around on barstile sports barstool outdoors

so it's this animal that's no copy isn't it or is that a baby rhino it looks like a baby uh it's something called a tapir oh it's a tapir yeah jaguars eat those I think so it has this gigantic people are saying

they're saying like is it a dick or is it a dick or is it a tail. That's his dick. Oh no, it's his tail. You see it tucked. That's its cock. That's not his tail. So you think it's a... No, that's his tail. That's his dick. Is it? Nah. That's her a trunk. Nah, that's his dick. So we were tagging this a lot, firing the kid and you guys, but I looked into it and it is, it's dick. Yeah. Wow. It has the biggest, largest dick compared to its body out of the entire animal kingdom. That looks like a man's arm. It looks like someone's holding it up. big that's it look at the horns on what's its name a tapir i'm gonna be i'm gonna call me the tapir they're they're eaten by uh andrew the tapir santina i think jags eat them or something they're cute

you could eat their penis for four meals i know you could tapir penis tapir penis how do you prepare your tapir penis i'd like just a lemon pepper crust on it sear like a lemon pepper sear i need mine well done i just can't yeah i can't stop to keep you wrong i know some people like it rare not me oh that's offensive no i know i like it i like it marinated i like it brined and And then I like it cooked well. In fact, I like it jerked. Jerked Papir? Yeah, I like Jerked Tapir penis.

Jerked a tapir cock. Cut it in the strips and salt it and dry it in the sun. Jerked. You guys have shredded? I put it in a crock pot one time and it came out so soft. Yeah. Yeah, just a little bit of like green sauce. How do you get it soft?

It always seems so crunchy. Well, it's cook time. That's because when I slay the tapir, I always get it hard first. And so that might be the problem. Why do you do that? I don't know. It's just been, it's my custom. It's my culture. Interesting. Yeah, you don't, there's no need to do that whatsoever. Oh. You just, you just got to cut it. In my culture, that's what we do.

Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. I know. I get that. Yes. What's the other event? All right, so I'm sure you guys heard about this intern that tweeted about her acceptance. Yeah, yeah. She said like for NASA. Suck my dick. Yeah. Her first thing was everyone shut the F up. I got accepted for a NASA internship. And then this guy, Homer Hickham, who's part of the National Space Council. He says language. She goes, suck my dick and balls.

I'm working at NASA. He goes, and I'm the National Space Council that oversees NASA. Fired. Was she? Fired. So she was like denied the position, but however, this guy is actually pretty cool, this Homer Hickham guy. Yeah, because he's, he's, he wrote a long letter saying that. He wrote a letter about it.

He wasn't like telling her to stop the whatever was she saying. He was just kind of saying like, you know, just be. You use less bad language. Yeah. And it was fine until she told him. him to suck her dick and balls. Yeah. He wrote a letter saying that she's going to get most likely a better opportunity at NASA.

Like he didn't want her to get in trouble for it. Good for him. He's a good guy. Did she get her job back? She's going to get this. Right now it says... It's an internship, first of all. Yeah. I think I'm going to get my internship again. Thank you for all your support. But he says he's going to get something bigger, better than what she was going to get. His point was... That's great, though. And I'm on the council that oversees NASA. If she doubled down and she goes, still suck my dick again, that would have been cooler. She reached out to me with an

unnecessary apology, which I hardly accept in a return with my own. After talking to her, I am certain she deserves a position in the aerospace industry, and I'm doing all I can to secure our one that were better. She was just excited. Yeah. Suck my dick, I work at NASA. I think you should be able to say, suck my dick, I work at NASA. I think it's great. Suck my dick and balls. I work

at NASA. They should all be able to say that to us. She doesn't even have a dick. It's an imaginary dick and balls anyway, so that's even... First of all, you don't know if she doesn't have a dick in a balls. Come on, bro. It says she. What are you assuming? Oh, fuck, man. What are you assuming? Brian, what do you mean? Do you have a dick in the balls?

Yes, but I... And I don't know that. How would I know that? Because I showed it to you, to you. You have showed me your cock and your balls. That's why my nickname is Brian Tapir. I said, I'm Santino Tapir. You can't take my fuck.

You can't take that shit. I wasn't listening. Isn't that me? Yeah. Don't take my Joe for. Fuck, man. You beat me too. You fuck.

Suck my dick and balls I work at. If they were smart, they'd sell shirts that say suck my dick and balls I work at NASA. That's true. And I'd buy the fuck out of that shirt. So what I'd buy the fuck out of it too. Hey, sell it to us, NASA. Sell it to me. NASA stands for suck my dick.

No, that's not the right acronym. N-A-S-A? I'm so bad with that. I don't know what it means. Oh, my God, that's so off. Oh, I don't know. It's the National Aerospace. Suck-ass.

Yeah, we win. I'm 51. All right, give me the next fucking news. All right, this, Trump is warning Google, Facebook, and Twitter. Because he says that they're promoting fake news whenever you type in his name. oh well you know what Trump's right every time I read something

there's like a big sigh whenever I read these articles out of him I'm just like oh what do you want what am I supposed to do I start I don't get it I don't know what he's saying what he's saying that the internet is out to get him yeah okay next

fucking like it's not at this point the onion can't even write funnier articles than whatever is coming up about him Trump is very sensitive my thing is he's just such a pussy for such a tough guy

he claims to be such a fucking bitch. He listens to everything everyone says. He's a bitch about anything. You can't even tease the guy. Stop being a bitch. And it says here that his economic advisor is going to look into it. Like investigate. So if... He said on the way to the bathroom, ignoring the reporter

completely, we'll look into it. Can you fuck off? That's such a who cares adding anybody. They better be careful. Huh? Could they do that? Does Trump have the power to regulate what Google puts out? Absolutely not. No, right? Here's why also. Here's the beauty of the internet. The internet is user-based generated, right?

So you could shut down everything you wanted. More servers would just pop up and more user-based sites would just continue to pop up. The black market of the internet would become bigger. More publicly dominated. Yeah. Right now, these are the only things protecting him. You kidding me? These are the, Twitter is his best friend.

It's his best friend. It's his source. It's his promotional tool. He couldn't shut those down. It's amazing. If he let the black market of the internet become. the dominant internet, that'd be way worse for him.

Yeah. Because all those guys that have shitty information on him, it would be so much easier for a hack. If hackers had their way with him, it would be a different world. Because you tell me they can't hack into his shit? I don't know. They can hack into fucking anything.

You know, a lot of the... They hack into the World Bank. They hack into the most secure places we have on the earth. Yeah. And they just go, just kidding. Yeah. They do that to go, hey, we can fuck you that's a lot of it's like foreign

foreign intelligence agencies they can do whatever they want China Russia China and Russia yeah China for sure China is my favorite I want to learn Chinese so bad I went to China recently did you I'd give them all five of my fingerprints and they had to look take a picture and look into my eyes

I think they took a retinal scan Can I tell you something? Fuck that place I went to China shook one hand and got in I didn't have to do none of that stuff What? Tandrew? I think it's you What? Shook a guy's hand he goes welcome welcome to China He said that in English, because I didn't hear that. Can I try that? None of them spoke.

Andrew, this is weird, because I was in Pashing. I was in, really? I was in Beijing. Oh, oh, fuck, I went to Baching. No, none of them spoke Chinese, not a one person. Ah, man, because I said the guy, want to do it, and he said, he said, he said, cheshire. Yeah, and we went into. Not me. Because I had to learn.

I walked in, the guy said, welcome to China. I said, hey, can I get work? Where can I get, I got, I played Chinese food? I had a long flight. It was like an hour and a half flight from L.A. to China. And right away, I wanted some Chinese food. Boom, land the Chinese kitchen, I think it was called. I don't know.

I had the best Chinese dish I've ever had in my life. I had a Philly cheese steak, and it had a side of sauteed spinach. Yeah, that doesn't sound. That's authentic Chinese. Have you been to Chinatown? Here in L.A.? Yeah. All Philly cheese steak spots.

That's what they're known for. I don't know about any of this, man. Are you kidding me? No, I feel like you're lying. I had the, first of all, had authentic. Chinese food, Philly cheese steak beside a spinach. And then I went to an authentic, old school, Chinese, their oldest sport in the world. I went to go see a rugby game.

You could go to China and all I could find you, you could go to China anywhere. I could get on a bicycle and go, where's the redhead? You could never hide in China. But you know what's funny though? If I rode a bike around China, I would have a bell because I'd want more attention. I would be, the whole treat. I want everyone taking a picture. The guy with the bell.

Redhead, no. he was ringing a bell oh yeah yeah bell he's right there the chinese bell guy speaking of chinese i don't know if this lady's chinese but probably uh cat told me about the story about a woman that grabbed birds from the street oh yeah so she is chinese well she puts him in a plastic bag wait wait what she picks up pigeons and puts them in plastic bag check it out they're little birds they're they weren't even pigeons i saw this she was capturing um she was capturing um she was obviously eating them by hand she's so good this puts in the bag she got great hands i got to tell you that That's great hands.

That's impressive, and it's very gentle. She just goes, she knows how to do this. She was taught this. This is a technique. Right, that's her coach right there. That's her bird coach. I think it's great. What's a couple of birds?

We eat chickens. Why can't you steal a bird off the street? My grandmother used to, they had chickens, she used to break their necks and she was in front of us. Yep. And then she'd feather them and all that stuff. Come on. That's his oldest time.

Anyhow, so she does that, and then she was arrested because she served them in an Ohio restaurant as chicken dumplings and then this is her mugshot which is fascinating her face if this is real yeah if this is real

this is her face my eye is up here look at that incredible lopsided face it looks fake though right yeah that's how the birds don't that's how she gets the birds because you know how you gotta like dive below them to catch them

you know how when you spear fish you have to go below fish she's got to grab in an angle so one of those eyes has a good Capturing street birds and serving them as chicken dumplings. It's kind of genius. What did she do wrong? It's Enterprise. She's a master at capturing those.

If she cooked the bird all the way and there's no disease left, right? Because everything cooks off at a certain... What is it? What did she do? Yeah. If she didn't say chicken dumpling, if she said Washington Square Park dumplings, she should have told them where they came from. That's probably...

Little bird dumplings. I hope this is real. This should be real, right? It was on the news. Trump would say no. Well, it might not be real. Look at how awkward her... I know that's the most interesting thing I thought.

It's hard to look at. And I don't want to make fun of it because that's not to be mean, but it's really odd. It's very odd looking. Could you ever fix that? There's no way. Plastic surgery, for sure. What do you mean? They grew an ear on a guy's forehead.

You can do anything. They'd have to move the eye down. They'd break your eye bone and move it down. I know a guy that got jumped in college and they ruined his face because he had like major reconstructive surgery. He got jumped in the streets. Dude, disgusting. His face, unbelievable.

believable what they were able to do. I mean, dude, they cracked his... They almost made him go blind, cracked his eyebone, you know, had brain damage. His entire jaw was shattered. They stomp them. Oh, they beat the shit. Yeah, it was disgusting. Five guys jumped one guy.

Jesus Christ. Cowards. Bad guys. Young men will kill you that one. Young men will kill you. Men get killed. Just hit, just go one on one. Nope, not those guys.

I knew guys like that back in the day. Five guys on one. That fucking stomp you. You die. Yeah, you die. What's the next card of action? That's got me sad. Just great.

This is a happy story. Kevin Smith, so he lost weight. You know, this is a picture from a while ago when he lost weight. Yeah, because he had a heart attack. Good for Kevin. That was a while ago. This was like 2015. He lost 85 pounds.

Nice. Look at him now. Whoa. How crazy is this? Holy shit. He actually looks like he's lean. Yeah, he does, actually. Yeah.

I bet there's a lot of loose skin. That's a whole other thing they got to deal with then, you know? I watched that 600-pound life. They got so much loose skin. Yeah, I know somebody who had that taken out. You cut it all. It's slice it. Yeah.

Sew it back together. Look at that. He looks good. I don't know him at all. You know him? Great guy. Yeah, I don't know him. He's on the show, too.

Funny as fuck. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I know who he is, but I don't know him as a person, but he seems like a nice guy. So smart and funny. Such a good guy. All the way around. He's directed me in an episode of Goldberg's too. He does great.

He directs? Yeah, he's just great. Who's your favorite director over there? Well, David Katzenberg is awesome. He does the bulk of him. But I loved him, too. I mean, okay. You're saying you like Kevin Smith more than Katzenberg?

No, I like Katzenberg. You think Katsenberg's not as talented as Kevin Smith is what you said? That's such an odd thing to throw out when you have a contract with them to say Brian Callen said Katzenberg isn't as talented as Kevin Smith. It's an odd choice. David Katsenberg is, he'll never have you on the show now. Because I told, because I said what you said? You son of a bitch.

He's torpedoing me. I would love to be on that show just to, uh, I'll get you on. Just to show them what good acting is like. Come on, dude. Because they've been dealing with your bullshit. There's going to be some auditions. Let me look at me. All right.

Here's the scene. Offer only. He's the scene. Go. I love your red hair. You're my son. You've decided you want to go blonde. You know it's going to infuriate me as your dad.

You're afraid of me. Tell me that you're going to dye your hair. Blonde. That's the scene. And action. dad i wanted to talk to you about something what's going on you're not quitting baseball you're not quitting baseball you're not quitting baseball so you'll start with that you know i love the hot pocket i'll always be a short stop pop all right good stuff what's going on i don't know i'm not afraid of telling you the truth right i've always told

you the truth i hope so you know what happens if you don't i know i know i see what you do to mom yeah yeah got to take my belt off i know and those pants won't stay up with that belt on keep it down Sorry, mom's some cooking. I can't stand when that water boiled. I'm not ashamed of our heritage. You shouldn't be ashamed of our heritage. We're Scotch Irish. That's right.

We're the fire-haired people, the berserks. We kept Scotland safe from those goddamn limy brits. Oh, dad, dad, dad, dad. Those mother fuckers, those sons and bitches coming in with their prima notte, taking our women on the first night. Oh, boy. And that's why I know you're going to hold that sword high, my son. Our crest right there. Yeah, I see it.

And I can't wait till you turn 18 because we're going to burn that into your chest the way it was burned into my chest. My son. Well, about that. My fire-haired son. I'm going to dye my hair, blonde. There's a girl. And she said she'd blow me if I'd die my hair. Careful, now, son.

Pop, I've never got my penis touched by hand or mouth, and I feel like... Nor should you, son. I know you're joking around right now. Pop, I'm dying my hair. I've made up my mind. He's just talking nonsense right now. Pop, I love you, but I'm going to dye my hair. You don't love nothing.

You got no respect for anything. And now I'm going to kick the dog to death. Pop. I'm going to kick the dog to death. You tell me that you're joking. I'm just joking. Huh? You pistol.

I was about to get my kick boots on. I know, Pop. And kick that fucking dog, and I would have broken my heart as much it breaks your heart. You know what? What's that? Never going to dye my hair, Pop. You know why? Why?

I get plenty of head. There it is, son I'm damn it Did I get the roll? It was a good scene dude I was really good dude He's sending that to Cassonburg Send that to Cassonburg

Send that tape out Good stuff Next Next! Next! I got a peepee soon We're gonna go We're gonna go You want just do one more then

Yeah let's do one more Alright so what do you think about Serena Williams having your cat suit band First of all Oh they banned it Did you see the Nike commercial That just came out today? No

I tweeted it Please watch this real quick It's 60 seconds Go Serena Williams Nike commercial Oh okay Oh yeah you can go to Twitter You go Andrew Santino Twitter

Such a badass Yeah Two things One Who band it The Tennis Association Yeah Yeah probably

Go click on that fucking video Look at that Look at this video Turn up the volume This is beautiful This made me cry You gotta start from the beginning Because you'll miss the first line

All right Ready This is you at the U.S. Open. This is you. This service motion. Boom! Very good. Keep the perfect service motion you have.

Chills. I got chills. Boom! Switch to the back hand. Lean into it. Whoa. Good follow through. Take the net.

Nice time. Make sure you control in that bow on every shot. There you go. Very good. Back, back, back. Beer away. He tough. Just like you want to win it. Just like you at the U.S. Open. Damn. Back there. It's just you. Hey. God damn. That's good. By the way.

By the way, dad doesn't get enough credit. That is one of the best commercials I've ever seen in my life. I got kids, man. And I think about this all the time. Like, how hard do you push him? He made champions out of those kids. Champions. World.

Arguably, I don't know enough about tennis. Oh, you mean the greatest female player of all time? You mean two black women who are an example to everybody? Not just black women, but everybody. I mean, come on, man. I'm just saying, I don't know enough about tennis to think that unbelievable. She serves some shit. Yeah.

Anyway, let's go to this fucking article about someone trying to ban her outfit. So it says, French Tennis Federation President Bernard Juudicelli announced a dress code saying players must respect the game in place. Let me tell you something.

You're going to ban this woman for herring. First of all, it covers everything. It's just skin tight. Yeah. In a sport that has sexualized women for decades. They were short, short skirts. They short skirts.

They tuck balls into their skirts and you're telling me that you can't cover up your skin. but it's too tight, that's absurd shit. That is, how is that more sexual than a short skirt? Let me tell you something. When I was a kid and I would watch tennis matches of those short skirts, I thought that was the sexiest shit I ever saw in my life.

Yeah. How is that more sexual life? Tennis has always had a really complicated relationship with clothing. Well, their fashion has always laughed because of it. Yeah, and in Wilmington, you always had to wear white, and there's always been that issue. Well, you know what that is. A woman was just fine for taking her shirt off. There's certain.

Tennis has always had a very, very specific. rules. But see, you know what's so funny? Golf, golf does, golf has done this for years. Turn this up? It's sports bra. It was turned up like backwards, so she had to put it on the front way. And she got fine for that? She got fine for that. I wish I was rich enough I'd pay that fine just to fucking show up. Yeah, all she do is switch it around. Because she's probably uncomfortable. Yeah, because it was on the wrong way. Yeah, she probably didn't like it. Yeah. She wore a sports bra underneath. Yep. You see worse at the beach. Of course you do. For, for, for, for, they got so ridiculous. It's insane. Men can take their shirts off. but they do all the time

yeah like me I love when you take your shirt oh I have a great body you got a good body I have a great body it's good no but I'm saying

it's a good enough body I want the best body in comedy for where you're not the best body in comedy well I want it so you know I don't care what year I just won I just

2018 it's a fourth it's a fourth year in row I don't care about it I'm just it's just what the committee says you don't have the best body in comedy I just talk to the to the fucking

talk to the committee the committee on aesthetics and comedy I don't care I don't give a shit there it's a bunch of experts but I don't, I don't care. I'm not, I don't care about it. The CACC, the CAC, the Committee of Aesthetics and Comedy?

Yes. Do you can, if you want to argue with them? I'm embarrassed by it. Do we have the CAC's phone number over there? Because I'll ring the CACC and find out what they say. They're fucking on sabbatical right now anyway. Oh, the CAC is on sabbatical? Yeah, they're in, it's Capri.

Hold on. I just got a text from the CAC. Oh, yeah, the text from the CAC. Yeah. What are the Comedy Estates Committee say? Congratulations, you're a shoe-in for 2019. Wow. So, silly.

congrats bry yeah i'm a little bit jealous i'm not even going to lie yeah chimney crickets that's good to that's good to hear well i'm glad you're doing well listen andrew this has been a real this has been so fun man i would love to come back every time don't i'm coming back every week every week you can't part of the podcast well i am now all right don't put her in the ginger don't say you're out. I'm in. The fighter and the jinge. Don't say that, too. Yeah. Brian's on sabbatical because he's got, he's got stuff to do with the cack. Well, Santino's available. You're being super disrespectful.

Let me tell you something. What? I can't wait until they move you out of here and me into here. Brendan Schaub, Andrew Santino, the future of the fighter and the jinge. The fighter and the jinge. No, this is insulting. You're, and the kid. What kind of joke is this? You're 108 years old. Andrew Santino is going to be here. The fighter and the jinge is the future of this podcast. You're ending this with bad taste in my mouth. I like it. I like it. I like it. No, you're being irreverent. The fighter and the jing. The chairs are red. My attitude is hot. The crew loves me. Nope. She loves me. He loves me. You're gone. No, you're being true. See you

later, bry-bye. God damn it. All right, ladies gentlemen, this is the fighter and a kid. We're out. Awesome. I love you. That was a fucking great podcast. That's a fucking great podcast. It puts me in such a good mood. Me too, actually.