The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 516 Andrew Schulz & Andrew Santino

Episode Date: January 18, 2026

Andrew Schulz and Andrew Santino stop by to talk hip hop, favorite album covers, puberty stories, cancel culture, boxing, NFL and Colin Kaepernick controversy, social media obligations, Lizzo's Laker game antics, FitBit cheating and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken. Chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. A couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onet's... studios in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live.

No, no, we're not live. That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. But we're not live. We don't do it live, man. And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. It's not live.

It's not live. Let's just kick it off, dude. Let's go, baby. You know, this is a special episode of Fire and the Kid Callan shooting his bullshit TV show as it trash.

Absolute trash. You know it's bad. Which one is it? Which one of these? Which one Which shitty spin-off is he doing now? Who knows? He plays in a coach with Ricketh. I don't know, dude. Well, Jim T-chair. This guy's the worst. I'm glad I'm here. So I decided to fill

his chair with Brian Callan. And then of course, we filled Brian Callan's chair with the Red Rockets. That's right, baby, doll. That's how it goes. The Red Rocket Tour is coming in 2020. Come out and come see me. What's up, baby, dog?

What's up, baby, Doug? Trying to do it. And then we got, to me, one of the greatest comedians alive right now. Andrew Schultz. What's up, Playa? Thank you very much. All the way from New York, man. Yeah.

You know, I didn't know that Santino and Callan had like a friendly beef. It's hilarious. It's not friendly anymore. Apparently not. But we were on stage at our show the other day at the store. In the main room? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Santino is a passionate, fiery guy.

The most fire. And someone just goes, how do you really feel about Callan? He says that to Santino. And the Santino just starts ripping Calin. Dude, in that moment. Were you like, what the fuck? Bro, and he's like going in.

He's like, his material is this or whatever. And I literally take the microphone away. I go, this is family business. You can't shit. What are we talking about this? This is backstage. There's four of people here. I was lighting him up.

I feel like you're that way with everybody, except me, really. Except for you. Yeah, because I really love you. Yeah, you are cool, man. No, but I, but I, but I do that with Callan because I just, his little cocky attitude. He's got way too much attitude.

When he comes in the green room, he's got way too much attitude. He prances around, like he owns the place. I don't like it. He flashes money a lot. Like, DeLea flashes money, but it's different because it's fun.

Yeah. Callan does it, and it makes me so fucking mad, dude. I want to choke him out and kill him. I'm back to thinking this is real. Yeah, part of it. They're blurred lines. I think I was right. A part of it is real.

Because the things he was saying weren't like, it's personal. Yeah, it was really, it was like, and his hair's thin. you were like, why would you even mention it? I didn't say that. You were like, his air is so thin.

That's where he goes through divorce. Yeah, yeah. That guy teed me up. Your wife DMs me. You said something about that. Just super brutal. Ghost accounts, man. She's got ghost accounts.

Shultz, I felt like last night in the beller room that stand up on the spot was made for you, man. Dude, I love that show. Shout to Jeremiah. So dope. I love that show. How weird was it, though? So if you weren't there last night, San Diego. but the way they did it, you know, stand-up.

I've done it, yeah. You've done a million-kind. Yeah, Jeremiah show is great. Comedy Central is doing their thing where they have a celebrity who has an airpiece in, and then people are feeding them jokes. Oh, oh, oh, oh, it's from Spade Show where they coach them how to do stand-up? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. So they had, it would go legit comic, like Andrew, celebrity, comic, celebrity comic, but the crowd was like.

Who was the celebrity? This black guy went up after me. From a queer guy for the straight guy. Oh, that's one. That's so funny. Hold up. His black guy, he was gay. His genes doesn't know any gay black guys, hasn't it?

Dude, that shit is no. I don't know. I don't know. First time I would go down south, you know, people are just way more friendly. And I was like, dude, what's up with all these gay black guys, dude? Yeah, lots of racing. Yeah, Atlanta's the first time I ever see so many gay black guys. Atlanta is different.

Yeah. That's where it is. That's where it is. That's where they keep them. That's what they stay, dude. His genes were. painted on then. I didn't know I just heard him say something.

I didn't know he was saying queer eye for the straight guy. I thought he's like, I'm the queer guy. Because he said, hi, my name is whatever. I'm the queer guy. And I'm like, is Spade telling him to just, like, are they pranking? What's going on here? But there was one guy and I don't want to say who because I don't know what they're going to do with it.

But he was, he wouldn't say the stuff. He go, nope, not saying it. He would say that out loud? Yeah, he's going to. Caesar Milan? Yeah. He wouldn't do it? go, nope.

Wait, I don't understand. What do you mean? He would say no in the middle of the bitch. Yeah. He didn't like where they were going. I don't know. I thought it was maybe too offensive. Dude, you've got to get someone that's down.

There's the kid. That's his name right there. You just had him. Who? Camaro Brown. Was that him? Yeah, that's the guy. I don't know if that's him.

Your eye for the straight guy. That's what I typed in. His dick was in everybody's face in the front row. Camaro Brown. Is he a big guy? Is he a big boy? Not small. No?

His jeans were, I've never seen Tyler Jean. So wait. And Caesar Milan, the dog guy, though? I miss Caesar Milan. I would love that. Yeah. And he didn't want to participate? I guess not.

Wasn't having it for the most part. I mean, would any of you do that? What do you mean? Like, have somebody in your ear, like, telling you what to say? Yeah, but the whole point is that people, they're doing that whole point is people that aren't stand-up. Like, they had Chuck Ladell would. And I'll do one joke and then I'll walk off.

If I wasn't a stand-up, I get the bit, right? They had hot Instagram models go up there and do it. They had Chuck Ladell do it. They had, I get it because they don't do stand-up. That makes, that's funny to be, like, fed lines from professional Canadian. They have the two property brothers, the twins

yeah, them do it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but as a stand-up no, you would never, but even a not stand-up it, it'd be like, let me just learn one joke and then I'll go up and I'll tell it and then I'll get off. But they're up there for a while. Yeah, why are you doing that? That's good. One of them was good. I got to tell you, the girl, the Instagram model,

you'd have to look it up on Spade Show that did it. Secret Stand-up is what it's called with Whitney, Whitney Houston. Whitney Houston was there. No, when Whitney Cummings does it. It's really funny. Whitney did it with Spade and an Instagram model and she murdered. The jokes were fire. All right, fine. So like it works, especially because you see a hot chick.

No, Chuck LaVelle's was funny too. Charlotte McKinney. That's her right there on Lights Out. Yeah, let's see it. You know who also did really well was Swaggy SpraggyP? Remember from the Lakers? Nick Young did it? Nick Young crushed. Really? I was like, I love him, bro. You love SwagggyP? I love SwaggyP. I did a show with him. I did a show where me and him sat in a hot tub. This is legit. We sat in a hot tub drinking

Coronas. Yeah. On, uh, what's a, what's the Kim, Cinco de Mayo? No, I know. We did the show. You years before he did his show. I was going to say he did a... We sat in the hot tub and we were doing this thing and his producer goes, hey, don't mention the DeAngelo Russell thing. He's like, do not mention it. I go, yeah, respect.

I'm not going to step on his toes. We get in the tub. No shit. We're chatting. He's laughing. He's laughing. Right away. He says it. He's like, you know what I say? Snitches get stitches. I'll bury you motherfucker. And I was like, oh my God. And I looked at the producer and he's just shaking

his head and I'm like, I didn't say shit, dude. He's off. And I go, I go, you don't like snitches? He goes, nah. and they know who they are, and they know exactly where they are, and I know where they are, too. And I was like, look at the camera. I was smiling the whole time. I was loving every second of it.

I was like, go get him. This is right after it happened. Like, right, we shot that show right after it happened. Thank you, Kat. So I was worried he was, you know, but we, they let us release it. He signed off. He didn't care at all. Yeah, he doesn't care about anything.

Because he got, that's why I love that. Why did he get in trouble? He didn't get in trouble. He cheated on, what's her name? Yeah. Whatever. And DeAngel Russell. And DeAngel Russell, like, had recordings of it.

And he said. snitched on him. He had a recording of them in the room, I think, or something, right? Talking shit. Yeah. Yeah. Talking about getting pussy and I think it all leaked. And De Anzel Russell was at the crux of it, right? For some reason. He was the one that recorded it. He was one. Oh, I thought he was

on. No, he recorded. And then aired it on his Instagram, right? I think he posted on Snapchat or some shit. Obviously it was a mistake. I don't think he was a pretty bonehead mistake. Why are you recording your French conversation? He's bald now, though. That boy is balined. Oh, no, now he's in... Oh, that's right. He left. Yeah, he left. He's a baller now.

Yeah, yeah. He's really good. He could hoop. He could definitely. You can hoop. This kid can hoop. Thanks for the invite, by the way, in Montreal to play in the basketball league. These guys didn't even fucking invite you.

I invited you. At JFL? They didn't invite you. I invited you. Did I not invite you? You did. I know, but I go down the gym to lift. I feel like I'm not.

I go down to lift and these guys are coming in basketball jerseys. I'm like, oh, thanks to the... You had basketball jersey? Yes. It was official. They do this thing where it's like... Five on five? Yeah.

It's like full four. Three on six. It's weird. Canadians are weirdos, bro. Weird, too. Yeah. It's so strange. It's just like a comedy, what is it, a comedy festival game. All right. So it was like, you as, or it was Canada versus the world. Chandling style, yeah. Canada versus the world.

Yes. The world won. Who was your team? Come on, bro. Play around. It was me. Rafah, you know, Rafi. I know.

Ruffian about the Brazilian guy. Dude, he can hoop. He can hoop. He's built like you. Oh, wait, the straight Brazilian guy. I mean, and he's straight from Brazil. Like, he came over here. Dude, how many queer eyes do we have on this?

Not right for the Brazilian guy He's a good Some cup of wet Some cup of wet and suck your dick in between Blah Blum Blum Blum Blum Blum Blum Blum Blum Blum The Strait Guy Your rules all Yeah

I do know him You know Robb is great He's great He's funny too He's a beast So he hoop Who else is on the team Hey hoop

There's a few other folks I'm forgetting right now I like that But we uh But yeah it was a fun little game Oh to hoop Anyway I want to do it next time I want to do it Are you guys doing JFL in Vancouver?

I'll be in Vancouver Are you going? Yeah, dude. Oh, I didn't know you? Are you not going? I'm going to Vancouver this weekend. Oh, so you're not doing it then? No, no.

We're doing, yeah, we're doing Vancouver this weekend. I think Burr is doing it. Yeah, Burr's so surprised. I was like, I'm surprised. Really? Well, most guys will do JFL Montreal and Toronto. I did, you did Toronto, right?

No, you didn't do it? I did Toronto. JFL promoted my Toronto dates, I guess. Didn't exist? No, they were there. Tie you into it? I don't even know how it works. I don't even know why we need a promoter.

I'm doing the Yeah, I know, I know, I know. The whole thing is really weird. I don't even know who's doing it now. Bro, I think it's... I think it's Tim Hortons promotes the whole thing. I think there's a coffee shop that they do all that promoting. I don't know what.

You get a coffee, get a free ticket to jail. You have your gigs in Europe, right? Yeah. So, like, your agent books another agent to book your gigs in Europe. Right? Yeah. I remember when my... And I love my agent.

Shouts to TJ. He's the man. But I remember when he explained this, I'm like, so what the fuck do I need you? Yeah. When I just deal with a guy direct? Yeah. Like, I can email him.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's their You're taking away. They're the middleman. The agents are. That's why they're fucking up. I know.

They're the guy that knows the guy. They're the guy. But, and those guys are done. Like, they, what is it? Bert did that deal?

Bert did some deal that's going to change a lot. I think what's going to happen is these like, are you allowed to say the deal? I know the deal. Are you allowed to say it? Well, I don't know. I don't know either. Maybe not.

I don't think Andrews ever not said anything because he's not allowed to say it. I don't think that. Yeah, but I like Bert. He got $10 million. I like Bert. You, it's basically like getting a guarantee. Guarantee versus... They take care of everything.

They're booking the dates. They're booking everything. So once you do that, if his agent handed him over to them, his agent's a retard. Because why would you hand someone over to someone that makes you completely unnecessary? Right. And I think that's what's going to happen. Exactly. It's like, why would I give you 10?

You're not doing anything. So it's like, why would you ever do that? It's just odd, right? Yeah, it doesn't make any sense. Don't you think that the future is going to be all these venues that we all play the same venues? Like it's A. or like Live Nation. All these venues are going to just go,

well, we'll just book your touring. And then we'll go, okay. Yeah. Well, it's kind of like how, it's kind of like how, what's it called, took over radio completely. What do they call it?

Clear Channel. Like, those guys just bit up, ate up everything. And now they own and control everything. Any radio station you go to now, they know, they're all clear channel. It's all clear channel.

They own everything. So all their rules apply. They're pretty much like the beast's ball. Hard. Hard. Bad. Hard. But podcasts, one,

tried that with podcasting. Same thing. Yeah, they try to eat everyone. Yeah. Doesn't work. Dude, I had, I'm like, last night I had a very uncomfortable situation. Where at the club? Yeah.

What happened? I did that. He's laughing right now. I already, it's got to be. Dude, I did stand up, I did stand up. Whatever, I did stand up on the spot. Yeah. Jeremiah, I'm leaving.

I'm about to walk out. Scott Free. We had a great time. Go do another spot. Everything is going to be great. Lafactory. And Emily at this store goes, hey, do you want to do a spot in the main room? Joey's on it.

Burr's on it. It's Amazon. I was like, hell yeah. Of course. And we're walking through the main room. And she goes, yeah, you know, it's like a benefit of people on the spectrum. And I'm like, hold on. It's like, retarded people here? Like, what's going?

Because I just don't. I was like, I'll just pass. I don't know exactly how to do it. You know? And then she goes, no, no, no, no. It's like people in a halfway house. To me, halfway house is you were, you know, had some drug stuff. Or you maybe, you maybe were in jail locked up and they're trying to bring you back into

regular society. I usually say drug. I go to drug addict. Or drug. It doesn't matter. Halfway half a half. So I go halfway. I'm walking in the back.

There's some guys with some guys with like beards and face tattoos. And I'm like, oh, there's some rough guys that's trying to get their life back together. And I'm excited because I'm like, these guys aren't going to be offended as shit. I can fucking go in. Fuck you. I get brought up on stage. I do a couple jokes. Things are going really well.

And then I go into this bit, this retard bit, right? And you see how, like, quiet it is now? Yeah, you can't multiply how quiet it is now by like a thousand. That's what that full room felt like. Really? It got real quiet. And I'm like, this is weird. But you were crushing before that because I saw you early on.

It was good. I'm not the guy who like says, oh, it killed every day. Like I'm the most critical of myself. It was going. It was hard. It was going well. Yeah. It was going hard.

Took a little turn. Took a little turn. And then I would say I got it back up to about like 50%. Right. That's a hard hold to dig out of. We were really dug deep. We were dug the hardest. We were talking.

We were dug very deep. We were done very deep. Help us out. I won't. on stage and Diaz goes he goes he goes hey uh why why'd you close you to the retard joke it's a benefit for retouch

I go what he goes he goes yeah it's for fucking rethoughts it's okay kid don't worry about it right how about the sound guy he goes dude balls man to do that

retard joke in for the vocal retort he goes but I thought it went pretty well about 50% 50% dug it. Bro, I go back and it fits him where the face is just falling apart. Don't, no. People were just staring at him.

Some people were there just to see Burr. Right? Because it's a benefit. They don't know what the fuck is. They just see Bill Burr. So I think all those people are like, oh, this is awesome. And then all these people that are taking care of a retard at home are like,

what the fuck is going on? Like, I'm supporting. Dude, the first comic that went on, I think, was like mentally challenged. But I didn't know. I thought he was just a comic because, you know, comics are all fucking weird. Job went on first? What do you mean?

Wait, who was it? You don't know who it was? I have a registry? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know anything. Well, wait a minute. You know how comics can be awkward a little bit?

Yes, yes, yes, yes. I just thought he was awkward. I just thought he was awkward. And I can't even talk about our interaction. But I felt so fucking bad. Yeah. I felt so fucking bad. You went to the laugh factor after that?

I went to the laugh factor of that. And honestly, the audience was more retarded at the last time. bro dude i couldn't believe it you did two of those shows in one night dude two of the more than one you expected though one you knew was coming the other I walked in I was like okay

it's gonna be good it's gonna be some close eyes here I saw the arm canes out front I know what I'm getting into it's not even retarded but that's how we feel that's how we think I know why do retorting it's so specific

I don't know. Remember retarded was just everything? It was all the things. You pre-sprayers are the worst. Ankle a retardant this week. Now it's just taking on a different kind of power, right? It got owned. In school, I just like, oh, dude, your shoes are retarded. Yeah.

It was just like. And if they were, they were. It was like, and you knew when you went home, you're like, in front of everyone, you were like, shut the fuck up. No, they're not. And then you get home and you're like, fuck these fucking fucking bartending. Mom! Mom! What the fuck are you buying me?

What the fuck are you buying me? What's a kid? What's a kid? Dude, honestly, getting picked on for your clothes when you were young riddled you worse than anything else in the world. No matter what they can make fun of you about, if you got shitted on in front of your friends by something you wore, it ruined you.

He was going to keep it on the whole day. Yeah, you, they got you first period? You're like, fuck! Before school, you're like, what the fuck, we're just picking it out here. Turn it inside out. Dude, you remember those, when I was a kid, those jackets, Remember the starter jacket? Yeah.

I wore that. And I didn't, my brother's telling me how old. I had an older brother. He's told me how cool they were. It was a Dallas Cowboys starter jacket. I got to school. It was around me like, dang, because it was like a low-income, like school. So white boy with a starter jacket.

Like, dang. Damn, bro. And they were like, dang, that's a starter jacket. I went, it is my first one. It is my first one. Dude, I got roasted for the entire day. Like you were. Never wore again.

No, you can't. No. It just, it was like, because I didn't know what starter. was. Wait, can you not wear starter? You can, but I just didn't, I, when they said... This motherfucker thought they were saying starter, your first jacket, like your first jacket. And I went, yeah, it's my first one.

And I heard some guy... Were you at, like, an ESL school or something like that? Remember that crowd you're performing for? Remember that? That was the benefit for Shob. It's a starter. That way, it's my first one. Dude, it ruined the coat. Ruin the coat. That's it right there. That was Shab rocking that.

The hardcore starter jacket, baby. I did have that Charlotte Hornets one. Bro, I knew a dude in high. This was really smart. A junior highs actually when he used to do it. He, in his backpack would bring a change of clothes just in case he got shitted on on stuff that he wore. I'm not kidding. He'd bring different shirts or different, like different shirts or different like, smart kid out of age. Yeah, because he was always so worried. Yeah, I don't know what he's doing, but he was so worried about people shitting on him.

He would bring a change of clothes. And his mom, I don't know if you had friends like this. His mom didn't let him wear certain. She was like, you're not wearing that out of the house. You know what I mean? Like, no, she just didn't, she just restricted him from getting certain kinds of clothes. He would go out by him, you know, secretly, stuff him in his backpack, and then change at clothes, change at school, so his mom never knew. He didn't want, she didn't let him wear certain stuff. Like, if it was like a Tupac shirt. She's like, where did you get that from?

She would, like, lose it if she saw him some shit like that. It was like, it was like black guys or was it? No, just she didn't. She's like, I hit rap, you know, rap culture. It was like, of that era when we were kids, it was like, our parents were so against, there were so many parents against that, like, that, could that rise? Because it was, it was so dominant. You know what hip hop did in the night?

It changed culture. forever. Yeah. Before that... Do you remember your first hip hop CD? I remember my first hip hop tape. Go.

Yeah, it was Bowdown. West Side Connection. That was my first... That was my... I played that tape so fucking much. Bouda... You know that song?

Hell yeah. Boughtown. Mine was stooped dog. Doggy style. That was mine. Cassette, my father took it away because I had the N-word in it. Oh, wow.

Just just one, though. I think he heard the first one. The first one. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, my parents heard all my bullshit at some point. My dad was just like,

Just don't play that shit in the house. That was a dope cover, too. Dude, amazing cover. Never do that cover today. It was cartoon, right? It was a cartoon, right? It was a cartoon drawing. The cartoon, they were kind in the air.

Bring that shit up, Jim. Steud Dogg and stuff. But West Side Connection, I loved so much because it was hard. No, this dog. They were the hardest. I don't even remember the song. Really? Yeah.

We come on your time. Bouda. Because I ain't a hated like you. Bouda. That's greater than you. Well, it's the Chuck wearing all. Still spotted up. Dude, it was hardest.

Fuck. It was hardest. Fuck. Look at this Yeah, look at that shit Look at her asses out, the dog Yeah, ass little dog Yeah

You know what was great about this era of hip hop You could you could use the same loop On different songs or even three different artists You could use the same loop of the same sample No one gave a shit Who shared the sample? Dude, a bunch of these guys would share different Different loops or different samples

That would get pushed across albums Of all his whole crew Were a G and him would use the same shit Because they were cousins Oh Yeah, they got put They all would make mixtapes of shit Before these albums came out

Using all the same shit That's how they got famous. If you go down to that famous record shop that he, that he shot at in Long Beach, that I think is still there. That, um, why can I think it's still there? I don't know, man. I haven't been down in Long Beach in years. The last record shop you've seen. No, bro,

but it's famous. What's from his music video? You know that record shop. Yeah, I know. What's it there? There you go. There you go. There you go. There you go. Yeah, VIP records. I don't think that's even there anymore. But when I first moved to L.A. was still there. They still sell all their, they used to sell all their old mixtapes there. You go get all those old mixtapes from all those West Coast You know. Look at that right there. Look at all these pictures of all these

to see a wild cover. Go to the original Guns and Roses' Appetite for Destruction cover. A bunch of bitches? Dude, it's one girl. Bunch of bitches! Clearly got sexually assaulted. Look at the... Dude, that's rocked them back there. Look at it. The original cover. The original...

Let's see. No, they had to remake it. Why? It was the blood, right? This one? It's the girl. She's like hanging out. This one right there. Whoa. I've never seen that before. Dude. Panties around the knee. My mom bought me this CD. Oh, wow. Panties around the knees.

It's like a skeleton. A skeleton person who's like just about to. Holy. He's giving her like a cocktail. Oh, wow. He's pants on his ankles. What is that shit? That is dark.

She's got her titty out. Her penis around her angles. And it looks like she's got those like black and white schoolgirl shoes. Like a school girl skirt. You know what I mean? And he's got his pants around the thing. He's got a nice sport coat on. Looks like you try to bring her flowers.

Sorry for the, sorry for the rape. Here's some flowers. What's wrong with his head? Is it exploding? Is it a robot? I can't. up at the monster coming. Oh no, that's a robot, not a skeleton.

His legs are like robots. I mean, whoa. Those two scenes looked like they don't exist. They don't match. What, Red Hot Chili Pepper's Mother's Milk. I had Mother's Milk. I had Mother's Milk. You remember Mother's Milk? Clicking Red Hot Chili Bear's Mother's Milk. My mom was livid that she saw this. Because this one back when album art was so dope.

Look at Mother's Milk to cover of this Red Hot Chill Beber's album. Yeah, look at, they're all sucking her tits right on the cover. Dude, I'm gonna trump all this Oh, wow Go to Look at how great that was My mom was like, what is this shit? Pornow?

That was porn odor The cover I had was Mercedes I used to jack off to it all the time Mercedes no limit records Let's see it I love that shit I said I used to jack off to this all

It was my number one source of jack material As a kid Which why I love black girls now Right there Bening over the car The hood yeah Blad jacked it did Put the girl

The girl looks fat as shit now Looking back on it Not fat, no, her face is tough though In that photo, dude Why did she pick that bloated picture? She had a tough night Of all the fits. If you got the photo shoot, you got to do the photo shoot.

But yeah, I would jacked that pretty hard. This is interesting. Yeah. Is it weird? Yeah, dude. You know what I first started jacking off to? That sex scene and Jerry Maguire within like the first five minutes,

I would loop that VHS over now. When you... Do you remember first coming? Yes, I remember the very first time I came. No, I have CECD. Did you taste it to make sure it wasn't pee? I'm going to leave myself

as well. For a second I was like, dude, I love Schultz, but that's it. Not anymore, dude, that's changed everything. When I was a kid, I would... You tasted it? I know the line there was. I found out about jerking off. And I would jerk off in the shower.

I wouldn't come because I didn't even know what it was. And then I would just pee afterwards. Oh, weird. And then I would put my finger in the pee stream. And then I'd taste it. And I'd be like, ah, it's not come. And I figured, I figured eventually one of these times it would just taste different. And then that was going to be, I'm a man now.

Wait a minute. You would jerk off and not come? I would just jerk off like maybe like five or ten strokes because I understood. And I'd stop. And then I'd just pee. And I was like, maybe it will become one of these times. I didn't even understand the whole concept of orgasm. I'm not hating because it's weird.

When you first start coming, it's weird. I don't know what. I don't know to come. You don't know? I don't remember? Dude, not only do I remember the first time I'm not first time I'm not sex I don't remember no I don't remember

Dude I remember so vividly and I think I told us I think I told this on here the first time I was on the show I remember I remember I remember coming and I remember playing Chin you remember too Fuck You know what that is bro That's no no that's

Yeah that is That's molestation dog You had some trauma You had some sexual trauma You might have come early and tried to black it out You might be right Dude how often were you Were you touched?

Because you were probably a big kid? Was it touched, dude? Never by a baby sitter? No, no. You had an older brother. Older brother. So he always watched you. You didn't have babysitter.

Never. That's lucky. You got it? The older brother. Do you think? You got blessed by the older brother? No, you did. You did.

Hold on now. I didn't have a brother. What is the deflection? Stop doing that. You got molest. Stop doing that. Don't do this. Don't do this.

Don't do it. said he got molested by someone with Down syndrome. He did. That's a true story also funny story of all the time. Have you heard the story? He said to me, world of the podcast, he goes, he goes, it's crazy because he didn't even convince me. He was like, here. He just did it. Yeah, I just did it. He had to. For candy, though, right? Or some shit? No, not in the

candy. He would always have candy on. Yeah, that's right. So you don't remember first time coming. You've never been molested? Never, bro. What's molested? Do you tell me? I had like, I had like, I had, I had like, I worked at a pizza shop and there was, I was maybe, I'm maybe like 12 or something like that. Okay. I don't know. And maybe 12, 13 minutes.

And there was a girl, my friend's older sister would recognize when I got boners and she would sit on my lap and she could feel my dick. That's not molestousous. It's not molestation. It's inappropriate. That's a good time. I loved it. How old are you? 12.

How old is she? 17, 18, something like that. I'm not asking for any victimhood. What I'm saying is, is that considered that? No. No way. You weren't traumatized by it. I'm sure you loved it.

I remember, I couldn't wait to go to work. It was the whole reason I went to the pizza shop. I was 12 years old. Why was I working? Your dad was ready to have money. I had a beach house. But I was there to get my fucking dick rammed up against an ass. That's what I wanted.

It was my friend's sister. Ariana. She would just sit on your lap. Dude, it was a stool. And I would sit in the stool. And then she was like, I'm tired. Can I share the stool with you? And I was like, yeah.

And then she would share the stool. And I would just rock up. And then she would lean back up against it. And it was fucking. You would get hard when she's out of your lap, but before. And then she would set the dick up. And would set it up. And would she set it up? Would she like, rock?

Of course I'd tuck it up. Tuck it up the pants. You can see it through the shirt. Oh, you're good? You're ready to go, baby. Like a CIA. Coming in. Coming in. Coming in. Coming in hot.

Coming in hot. Come in hot. Here we go. Geronimo. Flood, flood, flood. Flood. Dude, dude, I used to tuck up. I would tuck up. I don't think it is. No, that's not. That's not. That's not. And that, yeah, I don't think it is. I don't make the argument for it at all. Did you get touched? Sandia? No, dude. Not even remotely. I didn't get, I didn't get touched enough. I wish I got touched. Why? Because we have, like, a good household. I'll tell on you. I'll, I'm a snitch. You would have snitch if you were a kid that got touched? Oh, yeah. By a guy.

Yeah, but by a girl, you wouldn't have, you wouldn't have said shit. No, I've done what you did. Yeah, yeah, you would never have Chene were you molested? Yes. Not that I know of. Yes, yes, yes. No way, you're like, wait a lot. Yes, he was.

I don't think so. You don't think so. You would know. Hey, I like how everyone just, you don't think you'd remember. Dude, that's the thing is people trying to block that shit out. Any issues? Hell no. No, no way.

I bet you're cute as fuck at like nine. So, my house are gay bingers. Yo, so I'm on Bobby's thing. No, no, it's an interesting point because I was. talking about her as a little kid. She was cute. He just had a baby. Chill.

It's a male one. Fucking feds are going to come get you, brother. They're going to take your kid away. I'm not saying I want to molester her. I'm saying I bet she's a cute kid, man. Chill! Okay. Chill with all that shit.

You might have to chill, but there is also a point where it's like, because that's when I was on Bobby's thing, Kalila was like, I was molested, whatever like that. She was? She said it. She was like, she was like, thing or something while she was sleeping. And as horrible as that obviously is, like, that's a good.

talent scout because, you know, she became a beautiful he saw something early, right? How old was she, though? She was like nine. There's no way you could see what a stunning beautiful. How old was the guy that? Say what? How old was the person I did it? I didn't even get that. I should have asked that part. It was like

another nine year old. It's like, you know. That's not molested. No, well. That's shooting your shot. If it's kids, if it's two kids, it's two kids. If it's two kids, it's funny. If it's two kids, it's It's fine. It's weird if it's older. But this is, this, yo, you know what this proves?

Look up this. Another teacher's aide got, a bunch of teachers aides got busted again, blowing kids in the park. Dude, where were these? Here's a question, girl. This just happened again today. The news came out, right? Teachers' AIDS arrested for sexual misconduct. Can you look this up? Who's fucked more kids, teachers are priests?

I tweet about this. Priests all day. Look at this girl right here. Teachers! Teachers! Teachers aid, bust her having sex with two students in a community pool, bro. Yeah, that's brave. That's brave.

Look at this bitch's picture looks like she fucks. kids in pools. Fuck yeah. Hold up. These two kids ran a train on her? Fuck yeah. Dude, these kids ran a train on the teacher? 100.

That happens all the time. You know this, by the way. You can look up football team fucks teachers and shit. These teachers, they see young, brooding kids. Have you looked that up? Yes. Yes. It's a category.

It's a category. Google teacher fucks football team. Dude, here's a thing. Way more teachers about kids. I swear to God. No way. Son, look up the, I bet you at it. I bet you it's 10,001.

That we know because the priests we never hear about. Teachers aren't as good. Teachers versus priests? Teachers versus priests. Who rapes more? Teachers versus priests. I think it's teachers. Not rape.

I think it's teachers too. It's teachers to males and we don't care about males. That's right. It just gets blown over. It's blown over. Do you feel sorry for the kids who ran a train on their history teacher? No. And also if those kids are like 15, 16, I've seen some beefy 15, 16 year olds.

Yeah. It's just a compilation of all. the shady shit shop says today. She was nine, I bet you were cute. I've seen some beefy 14 year old. Hey, look, look, look, what changes? Look on. Abuse in school, 100 times worse than what?

100 times worse than what? Click on. Then by crease. Boom! Do we shut down schools now? Dude, you can find anything. Confirmation biased to him. What are you talking about?

This is diddle.com. This is called www.com. Dad got diddle.net. will tell you everything you need to need to know. What did it say? Educator sexual misconduct is... Hold up. Hold up.

Most accurate data available at this time indicates that nearly 9.6, 10% percent of students are target of educators 6. That's a shitload. 10%? That's a shitload of people, dude. A lot of kids. 10% of kids get diddled by teachers?

That's a fuckload. But do we... What we know about? That's what they know about. Write this. How many students... How many students are there in the United States on average?

Just how many kids are in school on average? Watch this. This number's going to blow your fucking mind. We're just talking about K through 12. Doesn't matter. But yeah, yeah, K through 12. How many K through 12 students in the United States? 50 fucking million.

5 million kids get in touch. That's in the job. The greatest country in the fucking world. US of A. Stars and bars. Where are you at China? Stars and bars. Where are you at China?

You're touching 5 million kids? Such a one child policy. You ain't got no molestin. Fuck that. Dude. You're telling me 5 million kids that we know about get touched? Dude, that's crazy. Some of these kids aren't a little bitch asses that need to complain and get some fucking sympathy about it.

All right? You take that molestation and you fucking roll with it. That's insane. 50 million kids are getting touched that they went home. Oh, they got caught. Usually what happens, the teacher gets caught. Her text blows her up every time. They found her phone.

Or the kid snitches on them. No, the mom finds the text. And she's like, what is it? Or the kid tells the mom, yeah. Almost never. Dude, all those stories that I read, like the teacher's aide one, she got popped. She got popped by another administrator.

Someone else saw her texting one of the kids. Oh, what a fucking hate her, man. So here's the thing I don't understand when women do it. To a kid, you're saying two male students? When women molest. You're not going to come, right? Like, there's no way. The boy?

No, the woman. Oh, yeah, she's not going to come. She's not going to come. She's not going to come. It's actually, in one way, it's actually worse. Right? Because it's like, you're doing this. only for the manipulation and abuse part.

Or they get the rocks off after. They go home where they're in their office. And then finger themselves to it. Yeah, but dude, you can look, this is a fact too. Most, if not all rapists, like male rapists, they don't come either. No. It's extremely uncommon. It's after.

Or they go back to the site and jackd off. Physical abuse and control is what rapists enjoy. Can come back to the site? Yeah. They go jerk off in the fucking alley just standing over where it happened. There's a lot of bro sites going on right now. Look at that. Common beliefs about rape.

Rapists don't actually. Most don't come. Because they, because of the struggle, the abuse, they love the power dynamic. There's a bunch of different parts about it. Like, I guess, I guess when I say that, I mean strangers. If you're, if you're attacking someone. When it's rape and a family and all that stuff, all that shit is fucking way, I don't know. I don't know how we got started.

We're trying to figure out who got molested. And no one did. The only person that got close was you, but sound like a good time. Chin didn't really end out his story. Totally fine. Yeah. I don't think I did, honestly. Chin, I got it.

You grew up in America though, right? Huh? You grew up in America. No, I was born in Korea. You were born in Korea? But then I came here when I was like three years. Raised in Texas, though. Okay, okay.

Hey, boy. What are you doing over here, Chin? Come here, Chin. I want you, I want to show you something, boy. Let me sit something on your chin. Yeah, you ever see oil come out of one of these things? Why don't? I bet you don't got this in Korea, do you, Chin?

Huh? In Korea? Korea. Korea. We do it a little differently down here, chiny, chin and chin. You're going to take one on your chin and chin, son. Yes, sir. Bend over, chin.

Hey, help me put on my boots, Chin. You sound like child above. Chin had to, chin had to help me put on my boots, chin. Go on and put on my boots, chin. Chin goes home. He makes me put on his boot. When he was free, he did. He's not an illocrine.

When he was younger, when he was younger, He made me put the on his boo-thru. His parents are like, what do he make you do? He showed me he's an oil stick. What? He's an oil stick. What did he make you do, Chin? He making me taste his oil.

Too much. Too much. I believe Chin was it. You know why? Don't stop. Don't stop. Say it. Say it.

Just saying it. Daddy. I don't want to go to the field. No, I like the Texan talking to Chin, man. Hey, boy, come here, Chin. I'm going to show you some. Let me take you around town. You hungry, boy, you like pancakes?

Oh, yeah, I record the pancakes. Well, we got syrup, not duck sauce over here. This is a special syrup down here, boy. What time was it in Dallas? Where? It's central Texas Central Texas Hey

Belton Maryland We had syrup Not duct sauce Yeah Hey man I don't It's not

I don't want to be Oh man What's wrong Dude we're just talking about Dittling kids We're just making What's a big deal None of us are in SNL

Not now No this is it This is it This is the beginning of the end By the way I saw that article They threw Shane Gillis In a cancel culture article With like rapist

Great. It was the most fucking insane. Dude, it was like, Harvey Weinstein. It was like Weinstein, Shane Gillis. It was like, I told him that's the best thing for him. Can you bring that up? Just do cancel culture. Me and Tim Dillan were talking about that. It's weird when people go, this is actually better for his.

No, no, meaning like being in the article is the best thing for him because he retweens. Yeah, he did, because it exposes how little and insignificant his thing is compared to those guys. Well, where, who was it? Do you remember, was it the New Republic? Is that who was? Being put together at them?

Yeah. You read that, you go, oh, why is this guy even here? Yeah. I think it's the new republic war. I'm not sure who wrote it. Maybe that's it. You cancel culture con. They put his picture next to three.

It says victims. Dave Chappelle? No, go back. I don't know. I don't know who wrote that article. Do you remember who wrote it? But he retweeted it because he thought it was funny because he was like... Probably go to his Twitter handle, shit.

Okay, hold on. But they literally like grooved him. It was fucking. Maybe. And they put Aziz, Louis C.K. Shane Gillis. That's your boy. Judd-Apital speaks out.

What is it? When did that come out? Go down. What is it? What's the date on that? November 6th. Judd Eptows, I think, is defending Louis C.K. in this one. No, he's not. I'm pretty sure.

No, he's not. Read it. I want to read it then. Let's see what he fucking said. I'm pretty sure he's saying, like, it's ridiculous. They recorded his set. What, he was just on Jim Norton, and he was going back and forth with Jim, not just. But when that happened, saying that.

Oh, I think he's changed his tune. Oh, he did. I have you to go on Jim Norton. I'll accept that. What does he say? He's on the fence about whether or not. Speaking about C.K.'s recent stand-stand-up. sides. So my heart is just a little broken

about the fissure that happened. This hacky, unfunny, shallow routine is just a symptom of how people are afraid to feel everything. No, this is old. About the silence in the matter being called the white what comic? Fuck comic? Who is gayer than ISIS?

Gilles hazy unfunny shallow routine is just... This is him talking about Lucy K? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's old news. That's old news. I'm telling he did a newer one where I saw him kind of... What even is November? That was a month, not even a month Yeah, November 6th. That was new news,

so I guess he hasn't changed this tune. No, that's an old... I don't know, whatever it is, whatever it is. Dude, Santino, one of the weirdest things about you is how much you love Judd stand-up. Santino will DM me clips from Judd stand-up. He'll, like, watch...

He'll, like, somehow he'll, like, screen grab the videos from... Which I've never seen... Dude, I don't know. I'm like, what program are using a screen grab? I have a special editing program. I had to get this crazy editing thing. Yeah, I had to get an editing one.

Yeah, it was an editing program. I had to go buy it from. Yeah, you told me. And I screen grab and I send it over and he'll send him and he'll be like, dude, I'm fuck. He'll be like rolling on the floor. I'll say raffle. Raffle. Raffle.

I'll say raffle. Something Capple and cap. Rolling on the floor. Dude, die and laughing. He'll send me this video of like him throwing the strike. Did you see the, uh, the Mets game? Yeah. When he threw that perfect strike.

Yeah. Do you remember when he threw the perfect strike to the first baseman? Do you remember? Well, I want to do. What, can you show that? He was, put a pick off the guy stealing. It was insane. It was, it was probably a heater.

Maybe it was, I think. I think they clocked it at like 96. I'm not even kidding. It was something like that. Juddapetel throws first pitch. Dude, Joe Tertal pitch. Joe's first pitch.

Dude, I'm not kidding. Santino literally goes, My president. He writes that as the, as the caption in the video. I hope. My president.

Look at this. Look at this. What is his is worse? His are 50 cents. What do you mean worse? This is hot fucking heat, dude. Look at the way he's dressed. Dude.

What are you talking about? Santino has those shorts? I, same. Same. Same shorts, same jersey. I bought an Appetel Met's jersey just because I wanted to have that at the house. All right, here, watch his heat.

Watch his hot, hot heat. All right, what are you talking about? This is flame. Hey, what's up? Ready? Shake it all, baby. Take the cue. All right.

A burner. Damn, dude. A burner. I can't believe no one's picked him up. Fire. Yeah. Fire. Get out of that.

Just not an athlete, you know? Pure athlete. Pure athlete. Is that it? Everybody fucking. Everyone fucks up when they do these two. You see how many people go and do that and you're like, if you couldn't throw a baseball,

why would you say yes? But also practice before them. It doesn't matter. If you don't throw baseballs, don't say yes. Don't say yes. If they did an inaugural first kick at a football game, and I don't know how to kick well, I would never say yes.

Agree. I go, no, what the fuck? I'd be too embarrassed. In front of America? No. No, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, did you see the thing they're doing now in the college ball games at half time? the kids are, they're competing for their college tuition.

The Dr. Pepper thing through the thing? But you're going like this. They throw it like this. The girl lit him off. The girl lit up this dude, but she beat the shit out of them. What is this? You have to throw football through a Dr. Pepper can on the field. This is a half-time show now.

And they, if you, whoever wins, they pay for your college tuition. Okay. But the thing, I don't know how far it is. Yeah. But there's a girl versus a dude. 10, 15 feet away. Yeah. And the, but they're not throwing it like a football.

They're grabbing it and like two hands. She's like spinning it on her hand. She's underhanding it through. the thing, and she's lighting this dude up. I don't know if this is the one. This is it. Because they do them all the time. They do a bunch of them. Has 8 million views on this one. She got 100K. Well, the one I was

watching the dude was... Look at this. Watch this. Yeah, it's like 50... Oh, that's 10 yards. Or 5 yards. That's 5 yards. 5 yards. Sorry, 15 feet. Look at her. Look at her. Look at her. Bucats. No, it ain't, dude. No, it's not. These are two kids. 100 grand. She gets for tuition. Bucats. Wow.

Buckets. Buckets. Look at this. Kid on left said jokes on you. I got a full ride at Notre Dame. He's throwing a couple in there, though. Boom. She's like one of those Asian guys at the Papa Shot.

You ever seen those videos, those Asian guys that do two at once, Chin? Are you related to any of those guys? You never seen the Asian kids that do Papa Shot? There's an Asian woman that can do two at once. Basketball, yeah. That's halftime shows now, dude. You don't watch college football? No.

You don't watch any sports. No, I love sports. He loves football. He loves basketball. I love basketball boxing. and I'm getting into MMA a little bit. Because is he? No, I just, I like the theatrics of it now.

And I feel like, I feel like there's elite athletes entering the sport. Oh, that MMA? MMA. Interesting. You don't think there has been? I think they've been, and they've been. I don't think they're elite. This is your category.

I know nothing about this shit. Do you think they're elite guys? Not, not, not, I just had Dominic Graz on the Food Truck Diaries. Yeah. And he was a football player and actually got a shot in the NFL with the Jets and the Giants. Yeah. And I said, hey, explain. to people like when they go this guy's a good athlete where they're talking about George St.

Pierre Ansela and when they go, oh, he's a good athlete about the athletes that were in just your locker room. Like it's not even comparable. And he's and he's fighting, he's fighting John Jones. Yeah. And I said, for, so just so people can understand there's a difference between being a good fighter and being an athlete. I said if before you and John fight, if you did a combine, you ran a 40, did a vertical, did the agility, did all that stuff. Did the 20 yard dash, everything. Yeah. You would absolutely destroy John Jones. Destroy him. Athlete was.

Yeah, right, right. Every, he'd blow them out of the water. Those are very technical skills that people have to practice to get good. No, those are athletic. I know, but not every great athlete.

I don't think every great athlete can just walk into a combine and murder it. No, this is what he's saying. That's a training thing. No, no, no, no, no. It's a fat, run fast, jump high. What are the things?

It's like, it's change of direction. Explosiveness. Those things are just ingrained in you. Yeah, you're going to. You don't have to train for the vertical jump. I agree, but. Like, John Jones' vertical is going to be, I don't know, like 28, if that.

I know, I agree, but I'm just saying those aren't grain, but the way that you see these guys when they train for the combine, it's very specific to the combine. They do better. There's a technique with the 40-9-dance, for sure. But there's a lot of technique. There's also some guys. Certain guys that just, like, organically are super athletic.

I think that's what you're trying to say. Yeah, I agree. Some of those guys enter, some of those guys enter, like, boxing or MMA, right? And they have an advantage, and even you, you said this about yourself. You had an advantage at a lower level against these guys. just because you were more athletic than them. Even in the U.S.A. had a huge advantage.

Huge event. And then you start going to like the top of the top. Then you get experience. Yeah. And when you're dealing with someone who's been doing something since they're six years old, like that Andy Ruiz fight, and I can't believe that he came in so fucking heavy, but like.

Unbelievable, by the way. Such a disrespect. It was, it was stupid. The whole thing. Fuck himself. Think about it. He came at 283 and he fought the whole fight at the same pace. That's what he had to.

What he had? But think about it. He's been boxing since he's six years old. Doing 12 rounds is nothing. Yeah. Is nothing to him. Using cruise control the entire fight. The entire fight.

Just for the paycheck, didn't want to get knocked out. That's it. 283 came in that. See, that's impressive to me, though. Unbelievable. It's so impressive that you can just cruise like that and just learn how to not get knocked out. I'm blown. That blows my mind, dude.

You liked that fight? You liked that fight? I didn't mind that fight. Ugh. I wish Joshua would have knocked them out, but no, I thought Joshua fought a smart fight. But don't you think. That's such a skill for Ruiz. Like that's just a skill that he's exercising.

Ruiz? Yeah, that's just a skill. No, he's lazy, man. I don't know if it's lazy as much as that's what he is. No, he's lazy. It was self-sabotage. He gained 15,000. And I heard about this before going in.

Let him meet. Fat boy, I need a 10 piece. Let him fucking eat. You got to come through, man. That is a winnable fight for him. He beat him before. And it's like this is your one opportunity. And the only advantage you had. Well, what about the idea that he's setting himself up to fight again?

If he won that fight, he'll fight again. If you won that fight, he would have made $100 million. Josh, we're not fighting him again. He's off. It's off. It's over. Now you've got to fight journeyman. No, you're a cliche.

You're the Buster Douglas. You're the guy who got to the top. You fucked up. Yeah. Not butter beans a little broad of an example. Broad? Round. No, it's super specific.

That was a side show. That was a side show. What I'm saying is you're going to become a side show. He's a cliche. You're the guy that got to the top and fucked it up. Who do you have a fight? Who do you have a fight? I have him fight?

He rematch Parker. Parker doesn't really have a name. I guess Ortiz. But then, like, who's going to watch the... I guess Mexicans, if they like them, they watch... Mexicans don't ride with him. No, they don't. So if they don't ride for him, he's done.

He's fucked? He's done. And he had the opportunity. He had the fucking opportunity. So you watch boxing. Dude, I love... I'm like grandfathered into boxing. Like, my dad used to cover boxing for,

you know, when he worked in the news business. Oh, really? He'd been to, like, Ali's camp a bunch of time. Oh, damn. Like, crazy shit. And, um... So I was like a huge boxing fan growing up And then MMA I'm starting to get into

And you watch everything Yeah There isn't a sport that I don't like I'm being dead serious Last night I watched women's handball I watched the Olympic handball team sitting in bed Disappointing What do you mean? It was so much fun to watch

Dude I don't care any premier athlete Any competition? I will watch any premier athlete do what they do And let me tell you something Do you watch crossfit? I'll watch those crossfit competitions Love that shit If you're a premier athlete

You watch WMBA? Hell no I don't watch that shit I said premier athlete Oh okay You also take women's handball I don't even know what that is No, I watch the Olympic channel Sometimes I throw it on

When I'm doing work in bed Okay And an Olympic channel has like All the trial runs And it's fun to watch these people Of sports that I've never heard of Or I've never seen before Right

This shit is wild as fuck It doesn't make sense to me I'm more mesmerized by sports I know nothing about Because we don't feature them in America Right But this is tough It's kind of like

It's water polo Yeah but on feet And they can smoke each other Dude they can smoke each other They can smack you in the face And shit It's super gay And listen

First of all not gay. It's a bunch of girls who are gay. It's not gay. There's a guy's seen too. I think some of the, it's kind of dope you dive to the air. It's water polo without water. You're really trying to justify this, bro? Yeah. Okay, what I say? It's my new favorite fucking sport. I'm backing it up.

No, you know what it is? I'll watch any athletic competition at a high level. I do want. Like, the Olympic trials are great. Did you see the worst tennis player in the world? Look that up. You'll laugh. You're fucking. In the Olympics? Dude, this is amazing. So all these countries, they have to throw in their hat in the ring because they just want to see if they can, you know? Like Romanians? Do this poor kid?

They give them the opportunity. They're trying to build sports in these third world countries that don't really have them. It's got to be on. Bro, it's fucked up. They let these guys who've never swam before in the swimming competitions. Do Olympic trial. These guys are fucking drowning. Dude, they're going against Michael Phelps.

And there's just like one guy from Nigeria. At least they shared the pool with Phelps, you know. Doug. Say what? At least they shared the pool with Michael. That's true. try to Google it just came. There was Michael Costa who's a, you guys know Costa.

I know Costa. I love Costa. He tweeted about it because he was a professional tennis player. Yeah. And he was like, this is what it's like when someone tells me their, their cousin does stand-out. Yeah. He's like, this is what it's, go to Michael Costa Twitter. Maybe that's the best way to find it.

But when you watch this, you go, this is how you forget how fucking dope some of these people are. It's like when an average Joe is like, I could fuck shit up on tennis. And, no, Costa with a K, sorry. he's so funny Michael Costa's fucking hysterical I love it yeah he's good but go to his Twitter Is he still on the daily show?

Yeah Yeah he's still on here he's out there Go down scroll down a minute This is the video right there This made me laugh so fucking hard Would he put? Let me see what the first Yeah let me see what the tweet said

I think he said something like This is like when someone tells me They are a comic Because they went on stage at a Christmas party You have been afraid for how bad this guy Watch this fucking video Watch this poor kid dude It's the kid on our side of the camera

right down by us. Zoom in on that. This kid's serving. The other guy doesn't even want to fuck with him. He's like barely playing because he's... Oh. Dude, and this guy's... And this is the Olympic...

In his country, he's a pro. This is a professional match, my friend. Good for him, man. Good for him. What country is he from? Dude, go scroll down. It says it right there. The other guy's like, what the fuck am I doing?

What a waste of fucking time? Thailand? Wait, Ukraine versus Thailand? I mean, got a couple over. Jesus Christ, dude. Callan beat the piss out of them. I just, it's just, it's, Thailand and whatever.

Oh, I don't know. Where did you, I'm sure you and Charlottomain have discussed this, and I definitely want your opinion. Where did you guys land on the Kaepernick stuff? Because I'll say this, when he had that tryout, I went hard, I kept, I don't know why, I didn't look into it that much. I kept saying, does it want to play, self-sabotage, just don't want to play.

play, get the fuck out. If you want to be just a celebrity, do that. And then we look more into it. And you see the contract there they're trying to give them. I was like, oh, good for him, man. Good for him for not doing it. Because they kind of fuck them. Before he's on, before he's on, the other thing when they go, oh, well, he decided to set up a workout, whatever, an hour away from where they moved. They changed it last minute. That's what happened. But here's the thing. The reason he already had that location set up is because it was closer to the airport so people could make it. Did you know that? Yeah, dude, but...

Go. I think there's too much distrust on both ends. Yes. The NFL and Colin. So when you have that, nothing can happen. I think Colin is rightfully concerned about the intentions of the NFL. Do you think he wants to play? Yes.

I think he likes the idea of playing football. I don't know. I think he would ruin like what he's become. I feel like he's almost bigger. I don't think... To Charleston. main point. I feel like he's one is bigger than football now. Yeah, no, he is bigger than football now. I think

that if you want a job, because at the end of the day, it's a job. If you want a job, you have to be willing to acquiesce the demands of the job. Yeah, take some shit. So your boss says, hey, I need you to audition for this job on Saturday at this place.

If you want it, you just do it. You should do it no matter what. If you truly want it, right? And I think the biggest problem with this whole thing is this was never about Colin in the NFL was about police brutality. Now we've completely stopped talking about

police brutality. Nobody even mentions it. Neither does he though. He doesn't even talk about it. Well, that's the other thing with Colin is he doesn't talk at all. So don't be upset if the media is not enough of your narrative. Exactly. So I think that Colin could do a lot of things better. I think his intentions were great.

It's like who doesn't want to support ending police brutality? Or at least being aware of it. 100%. We're on board. addressing it. But now it seems about you getting a job with the NFL. And I frankly don't give a fuck if you play football.

How about the receipt? Well, nobody does. I mean, look, I kind of. How about the receiver? You know the receiver that was in the video? Yeah, you got picked up. You got picked up. By the 49ers.

Yeah, yeah. Dude, imagine dropping those passes. That's a big pass. Dude, you're just like dropping black people's hope. Right? It's like, uh-huh. I think, like, look, I don't, I don't, I take back a little bit. Like, I don't, the reason I said yes that he wants to play football, here is why.

I don't think he really does want to play in the NFL anymore, but you do know what you said. What we talked about is like, when you grew up your whole fucking life, dude, these kids are machines since childhood to play these sports, and that's all they know. I know what I'm saying.

That's all you know. So when you reach this level, there will always be a piece of them. It's why people don't quit. It's why Jordan played on the Wizards. It's like, there's a piece of these guys that always kind of want the thing a little bit,

even if they don't really want to play. But Kevin they could go play in CFR. You're a good example, right? He's not going to go play in the fucking CFL because it's a tragedy. Then it's like a sad tale. So you're a good example because I think you want that thing. You want the NFL, the NBA, whatever your dream is, right?

Because it fills a void that you have. And because you had that void, you were willing to work so hard to try to fill it. You got all this attention. You got all this respect. And then you find something else. You found podcasting. You found stand-up. And now all of a sudden that fills a void.

I think Colin has found something else. It's not podcast and not stand-up. But it's being, you know, a... a figure for social justice. He's still the man. When he walks in the room. Way more the man. Matter of fact, before he was a guy who you didn't really know if he could make a throw or not,

you didn't know if he could make second reads. Now he is a guy who is really leading the charge for like, yeah, dude. How's crazy to say he's leading the charge when he doesn't speak on the subject. Shit. Who knows? I guess what I'm saying is like, I agree. He has another thing. If he had nothing else, I agree.

Then I don't think, then I think he would really want to play. But because he has a thing and so many people look up to him, he's so, like, he's inspired so many people. people, I think his heart is full. And I think when you're heart is full, you don't need it as much. Like, I bet it was way easier to quit MMA when you had all this other shit popping. If you had nothing, you'd still be banging with these motherfuckers today, probably. 100%.

So. But I think with the only reason why I backed up and I looked at all the details is the contract that the NFL did give him, they're such mistrust. The contract was basically like, cool, you do this workout. You can't sue us for anything else moving forward. You're out. You do this. We gave you a fair shot.

shut the fuck up. He's like, no, hold up. That's kind of fair, though. Sounds fair to me. To me, too. If they're giving you an opportunity to show up and get that job back. We're going to bring all the teams to one place where you get to audition for them. No, that sounds fair. They don't do that for anybody.

They've never done it for anybody in the history of the league. We're going to bring the whole fucking league to you. And if you got the sauce. We don't care what you do. This idea, like the NFL has like a moral clause. It's like, no, they're like kicking women shooting up strip clubs. They would have hired Aaron Hernandez if you got a prison. In a heartbeat. He's such a good player.

In a heartbeat. They're all still fucking up. No one's hiding their fuck-ups. It's still happening. Dude, it'd be interesting to see what happens with Antonio Brown. He'll get picked up. The Eagles will pick him out. I guarantee by week out.

You know what the other problem with him is, though. That's whether or not he even wants to keep this fucking charade up. I don't even know if he wants to keep playing football. No, he does. Begging Tom Brady. He does. Have you not seen this? Yeah, but come on.

This shit is so funny. Hey, big bro. I miss you. Congrats. Family's so important. All the time. Yeah. We have a good Thanksgiving.

Yeah, he is. But I think even he knows. that liabilities are just fucking... Well, he knows it's a rap. He knows it's a rap for him. And right now he's doing anything he possibly can. I bet you the egos pick him up.

Because have we heard anything? The NFL's done investigation. Have you heard anything about this? And the girl who did come out about this tried coming years before and came after another dude. So it's like, it's a little fucking messy. What is she saying?

Did he beat her up? That he raped her? But they had a relationship? But they had a relationship before. I thought it was physical. I thought it was abuse. Oh, wow. A relapsome.

But I guess she has kind of a dodgy pass. But the NFL looked into it. Have you heard anything? Have you heard anything? Sports Center was talking about it. I'm telling you, if nothing comes out, he's still top three, four receivers in the league. So the Eagles would sign.

I think the Eagles are going to sign them. That's what I think happens. They get to the playoffs. I mean, the Patriots need them, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they absolutely do. But they're definitely not.

As much as the NFL eyeball is on the Patriots, there's no way they're picking him up. Especially you talk shit to craft. They don't need more attention on those guys. That's all they do. They've had problems for so long now of everyone sniffing at them constantly. It's like you don't want to call more attention to that. Here's the thing.

They try to fly under the radar those motherfuckers now. Everyone else would point the fingers. Be like, leave us alone. Leave us alone. We're doing our work. We're doing our work. You know what I mean? That's kind of been his program ever since they started investigating.

Like, you know, fucking deflakeate and all that stuff. All they did was cause more attention than more attention. So now I think they just need to fly super low so they can get out of the fucking month. Did you hear what happened last week? Huh. With the, you hear, they catch that photographer? They called him again, right? Yeah.

And did you hear what he asked? He was, can you guys just delete everything off my camera, pretend this never happened? Then it feels like, no, dumbass. Yeah. Like he was pretending he had credentials as a photographer, but he's taking pictures of the other team, film the other team's coaches.

Yeah, but, but you know what the, like, So they've been cheating all along. Yeah, but every, but all, a lot of teams cheat, though. I don't know, do that? Yes, they do. Yes, they fucking do. Here's the deal. What's saying in baseball?

What's going to happen with that with the extras? They're fucked. Do you think they're going to take away the chip? No. I think they do. No way. I think they do. Stealing other team signals and playbooks has been since the beginning of time.

That's something that all teams have done. Especially when a coach comes from another. Look at like Matt Patricia. Especially when you work under somebody like Belichick, you think you're not going to take that influence somewhere else. And just because you're not copying what they're doing or you're not fucking, you still have the influence in you. Here's the thing. You got to look at the stats of the Astros at home when they were filming to the Astros when they're on the road without it. It's dog shit on the road.

At home, them boys were bawling with the cheats. They're bawling. The bottom line is, with a sport like baseball, you got to fucking, you have to, you have to be able to play good offense to still win a game, right? You can't win on defense in a baseball game. It doesn't happen. You can win on defense in a football game. Your defense can't score in baseball.

So you know what they were doing, right? I'm just saying, you can't score baseball in defense. I know it doesn't exist. There's a argument. Here's the point. You have to go to hit a ball and get on base. I'm just saying that so we can stop talking about baseball. They were stealing the signs and they knew what balls were coming.

So what? You still have to hit the fucking baseball. Yeah, but still, if I know it's a curveball or, obviously the stats show that it's helping tremendously. Shop, shop. Look this up. You can find out how many of these batters, they can read these pitchers what they're throwing half the time themselves

because they face these guys so off. I'm just telling you, look at the stats. It's an advantage, though. You have to admit it's an advantage. They won a World Series. All we do in American sports is try to find advantages. That's what we do more than anything. There's legal ones.

I'm fine with all of them. Fuck it. Let them do everything. I'm also fine with them. I still do them all. It makes the game most interesting. Yes, it's a fucking. At the end of the day, we're not playing for...

It's not the USA. It's not like if we lose one of these games. That's why I got mad at the whole... The Kaepernick thing, then putting it on the troops. The fucking troops have nothing to do with black guys playing a sport for fun so we can watch it on Sunday. And they pay millions of dollars. That doesn't have anything to... This is entertainment.

It's specifically for us to get our rocks off, to have something to do. It means nothing to the progression of this country. This old idea that, like, we're this morally upholding country. We're the most backwards-ass fucking lying, bullshit. hypocritical system on earth but we want our sports to be clean and prim and proper it's bullshit it's fucking silliness yeah but

they're all we're as imperfect as the people that we pay to watch but we're the closest to perfect according to what what system would you rather it's not what system I'm saying we should stop pretending that we're not perfect what I'm saying is like who else

should be in charge who does it better like who can we look to and go man we really got to be more like Sweden North Korea. Nobody, but I think we should be less hard on ourselves about shit like that then. Like with cheaters and stuff? What do you mean? With all that. Yes, with all that stuff. Politics, cheaters. Politics should not enter sports. These two things should be separate anyway. Yeah, but you have to live with the illusion of freedom and the illusion of democracy or the whole thing falls apart.

Through sports? Through everything. I think sports is where we check out. It's like it was stand-up. What is the thing about sports, right? What is the one thing about sport, right? Is that at the end of the day, there's not some like government body that's going to give you an advantage. your running ability versus my running ability. It's the one thing in life that we get to go to and we go at least this is fair. There's a score.

There's a scoreboard. Like my life isn't fair because this person got a job. I know what you're saying. And it fucking breaks your heart when you find out it's not fair. You're like, hold on. This guy's stealing signs.

The one place where I get to tune in. The rest of my life, I'm fucked. You know, the one place where I get to tune in and at least this is fair. And then it's not, you're like, oh, fuck it.

I agree with what you're saying. Remember Hollywood when you start to understand how Hollywood really worked? Yeah, it's the same. status thing on earth. It broke your heart, right? Yeah.

Because you're like, wait a minute, I'm funny. I'm going to go in this audition. I'm going to win it because I'm funny. And then you start realizing they're like, oh no, they just don't want a redhead. Yeah. And you're like, what the fuck does that have to do? But this is almost my point. Nothing is fair.

So in that turn, I'm kind of like, I'm okay with the idea that things are the way they are. Not out of Hollywood. Because the current was pulled back. That's the thing. It's like, you got to look out of all people. Because do you, when you were. I wasn't molested. That's what this is.

But Schultz, when you were, when you were, when you were, you, did you assume everybody was clean and non-PEDs? Yes. Interesting.

And like, I think that assumption, I think that assumption is good. Like, okay, so naturally the three of us and a lot of the people listening to this podcast, right? If you're into comedy at all,

we're all, comedians, we're all just fucking conspiracy theorists, but like we're funny. Right? We're just like, how do I think of another way

around this? Right? That's all conspiracy. Yeah. And the same thing. So when we're watching sports, we're like, ooh, but what if?

We're thinking about, but what if with everything, right? Yeah. I think the average person isn't. That's why they're so upset when they find out. And I think they need it. I think on some level they need it and they want to believe like, hey, I can be a billionaire someday and hey, I can, hey, my business can be totally fine and the, you know, the government's

not going to come in and step in. That's the American dream. But without the American dream, everything crumbles. Even if you don't have it, the fact that people get to go to work every day going, nah, I might win the lottery this week. That gets them the next week. Yeah. It's chaos without it.

I agree. That's a good thing to have. But as an adult, when you grow up, you learn the unfairness of the world. And you just deal with it like a grownup and go, that is what it is. This is a part of the system. Yo, is what it is. It'll never be clean. It's crucial.

Yeah. Is what it is is is so crucial. And it's so important. Because it basically is adulthood. Yeah. Right? Adulthood is what it is. It's not fair.

It's not right. It's not just. It is what it is. People fucking need a lie. They do. They need. Look, we're in election season. You're going to hear some lies.

That's all you're going to hear. The Asian guy, your cousin is saying they're going to give everybody a thousand dollars. No one's getting a thousand dollars. Who's his buddy? Who's your cousin? Andrew Yang? It's giving him. Your cousin's Andrew Yang?

I mean, I didn't know. First or second? First or second? Point is, no one's getting it. Everything that they're saying that they're going to get. It's all bullshit. Bernie's not giving you health care. No one's, it's a fucking dream.

No. Bernie might be the only one who actually believes he's going to do it. Everybody else is not a lot. I do believe he's going to. I got to send you guys. Do you see the fucking Trump, the most recent rally? I don't care how you feel about Trump? The guy's funny as fuck.

Yeah, he's hilarious. You cannot deny. I said that on stage. When he called Kim Jong-un Little Rocket Man was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. Play the Trump thing. Let's see. Bro, look at this. I reposted it.

Oh, you did? Holy shit. This thing. It's on my Twitter. He's so ridiculous. It, this had me fucking howling last night. I woke them up. I woke Mark and Alex up in the Airbnb just to watch this video.

Go down, go down, go down. This one right here. Yes. Go to the beginning. Go to the beginning. He's talking about Elizabeth Warren. Remember when she had that video? Everybody see her beer deal where she said, oh, darling.

You see that deal? Darling, it's about her husband. Darling, it's great to see you. What are you doing here? It's like, that's her husband. It's supposed to be living in the house. Turn this up, a little bit. I don't think she's seen them in 10 years.

Hey, I have an idea. Can I get a beer? Let's get a beer. She wants to be one of the group. Hey, let's get a beer. Did you ever see such a phony, disgusting? This is the president. He was hard in the paint, man.

Bro, he called Buttigieg Alfred E. Newman. Yeah, hilarious. Hilarious. The bad magazine guy. The impeachment stuff just feels like it's such a waste of time and energy and resources. That's why he's doing this. That's why he keeps up this because this is his superpower is. What you say?

I go on the offensive. Yeah. The thing about him is that he never is, like, and that's actually a brilliant strategy. I never realized it, but like he never defends himself. No. No. He just attacks. And the brilliant thing about it is.

No facts, nothing just to tax. And people who listen, anybody who listen to politics, they've hacked like fucking children. Like, we're discussing politics without putting our personal opinion on politics. We're just talking. You're so lucky Brian Cowan's not here to destroy this podcast with the polls. Yeah, well, he ruins almost every one of these shows, by the way. I said that a million times. That motherfucker just ruins this show.

But you know what I'm saying? So it's like what he does is an interesting strategy, right? Somebody says something about him. He's been in pseudo politics but also entertainment for years. He knows, like you said earlier, everybody's a phony piece of shit. Yeah. So when the Biden say the Ukraine thing with him, he's like, are you talking about me in Ukraine? He's like, what's your fucking cracker's son?

We're talking about mammas? We're talking about mammas? We're talking about moms. Like, he's that motherfucker that he's going to go hard. So, and all these people got dirt. I forget exactly who said it, but politics is a mud slinging contest, right? But he's made a mud.

Everybody else wearing the white shirt, the white pants, he's made a mud. You know what's brilliant? He does the exact same thing that, like, we've talked about this before about, he does the same thing that clever people in comedy or entertainment do. When somebody attacks us, instead of us attacking them, I let my fans go after them.

So I just walk away. So what he does, what smart is, when someone goes, Trump, XYZ, he doesn't comment on it, his fucking fan base. They do all the... Fox News does all of his work for him that he didn't even ask him to do.

They just go do it. It's weird. It's like when somebody says, Andrew Schultz sucks. If you just retweet that, watch what happens to that guy from your fans. You don't need to do it.

Yeah, you don't need to... So he does the same thing. I never retweet because I don't want them and think I saw it. I just want... But you know what I mean. Of course. But you give the power to the people.

So Trump's smart enough to just go, watch this. Watch what fucking... But he'll slap back to... He does. He'll step back with certain people. He picks and chooses. Depends on how powerful they are.

Exactly. So if you have no power, he's not talking about you. Nah. Unless he can use what you said to leverage. Right. Right? So like, it's just interesting. Whoever bubbles up is like somebody who's a pretty good front runner,

etc., he'll start to take shots at. And then shoots him down. And then he goes on. And then these people, these like politicians, most of these politicians are coddled. They're not like fucking real men. You know what I mean? They're like, they're guys who have like rich fucking dads

and that kind of shit. They never had ball busting. No one roasted them. No, roasting. No, nothing. They had a cushy fucking life. They got into Yale, probably because of some nepotism shit. And then all of a sudden you're on stage and this goofball with a fuck.

Lighten you. Dude, destroying it. Orange face. White asses, idiot. His neck like a fucking down syndrome. Roasting the fuck out of you. Dude. And they have, they just crumble.

Have you ever been, like, when you're in the line of fire with someone who knows how to roast, it's over. It gets, unless you got it. It's over. you see we've seen you see it first hand it's ugly as fuck when he does the democratic I can't wait I can't wait well he like lines up the Democrats

firing squad I enjoy it myself man dude I can't wait I want to but here's the thing is like I think he just I think we all know what he knows is that he didn't fucking he didn't want to be president he was surprised that he won president

he just wanted to be able to talk shit and run all the way up the flagpole and when he got up there he was like I guess I'm the best and that solidified him being like I am the best. I mean, he's got to have an ego. He's got to have an ego right now.

But before. Now it's, I don't think, I think he thought all I do four years I'm getting the fuck out. But now he's like, oh, you don't think I can do it? I don't think he wants to do it.

Yeah. If they would have went, oh, no, you stay, man. He'd be like, oh, fuck it, I'm out. But now everyone goes, dude, you're the worst president ever. He's like, oh, really? I'm going to be miserable.

I'm staying another four years. He's going to make, he's going to make some law where he can go three terms. He'll just just to fuck up the system. He goes, 2020, 2024, 2028. And he goes, I'm just kidding. These stupid people, MSNBC,

they're going to act like it's real. I'm just kidding. Maybe I'm not, though. Maybe we go for it. He's funny. It's such a goof, man. But you can't even admit he's funny because then these fucking idiots start going,

oh, you agree with every one of his policies, this and that. No, I don't agree with every comic. But I can say they're funny. Yeah. There's a lot of comics that are hilarious. It's just the idea now is people are afraid to be even associated with him because they think that you're, you are backing up what he says.

He's radioactive, so if you say anything good about a radioactive substance, you must be radioactive. People point their camera. And then they just make you radioactive that nobody wants to talk to. But when we say this, by the way, we're referring to an extremely small percent of the population. The more people I talk to when you travel... You're talking about social media. Yes. The more people you talk to in this fucking country, they have enough

sensibility to know that we're talking about this thing in comedic light. And they know, what you know is they're fucking, they joke about the same shit. They go, you see what this fucking... There's a normal Democrat in the middle of this country would say the same thing. They go, this shit was hilarious. Did you see this fucking bozo shit?

Yeah, because they have sensibility. But we're talking about the minority of social media that loses their mind over nothingness, right? They're very small. We see them as large because they're in our face every day and we're in this fucking bullshit business. But dude, you go to most of the country, they get it. They get it a lot more because they deal with it differently. We're just absorbed by Twitter. We're like, we have to live inside of this fucking.

this, this echo chamber sphere of like, you're either on this side or you're on this side. And if you're one of those things... Sometimes I'm jealous of those comedians who don't deal with it. There's a few communities who don't deal at all with Instagram or social media, the whole social world. Yeah, you know what it is? A few.

There's a few, not a lot. Even Burr is on fucking Instagram. Now it's like some of those guys avoided it forever. And then they finally got to do it. You kind of have to do it. It's like, honestly, it's no different than any sport. It's like, as a sport evolves, you need to learn more things. Like what happened in MMA?

All of a sudden, wrestlers start to come in and people were like, oh shit, I better learn how to... You've got to get on the ground. Yeah, I got to learn how to do that wrestling. I think it's weird when you hear like some comments go, I'm not going to do the fucking Instagram human. That's a waste of time, man. Like, I just do it on the stage and like, now here you don't want to be a comedy or they go. Well, the only reason he says because he has a successful comedy podcast, like, no, I get it, dude. That's the game. You don't want to be a comic. When everyone says, when anybody says, you don't want

to be a comic, simple as that he's, they're out. They're immediately followed by a jealous nonsense statement that doesn't mean anything. Correct. The only reason that Schultz gets, the only reason that shop, the only reason statements are copouts for their insecurities of jealousy of whatever the fuck it is. But justifying where they are in the game. But the reality of the matter is like as the game changes, you need to do what it takes to succeed within it.

Right. And if you want to play basketball, you need to have a trainer that comes with you all year round. Yeah. LeBron pays the trainer all year round. And the elite NBA players do that. This is a requirement for the new NBA. Back in the day, you could work converse. Shit, they used to smoke at half time.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, it was crazy. So now there's more that you have to do. Maybe it's comedy podcast. Maybe it's post eclipse. Maybe it's, you know, YouTube, whatever it is. You can't just do the road.

You need to do it. And if you don't want to do it, if it's not worth it to you, then you don't want to be a comic. But that's fine, fine. But you have to accept that. You just have to accept that's what's part of the game right now. This is the most competitive industry in the world because it's the best fucking life. Like, we get to talk shit on a stage for a living. The best.

And talk shit right here. Nothing better. It should be hard to do. Yeah. You should suffer for fucking 10 years. You should get nothing. You should get beaten down. You should get weeded the fuck out

and the ones who could really handle it stay in the game. Sell tickets. Simple as that. Can you sell tickets? How are you going to do it? How are you going to develop that fan base? And to be honest, now is the time

where like back in the day you could not have an opinion, right? Because you were funneled into the Hollywood system. Now, if you don't have an opinion, you don't have anyone. No one cares. That's the thing. You can't be one foot in one foot out.

No, no. Because there's no group for, for you. Yeah. There's no group. Who is your group? Yeah. If you are, if you're this guy's guy, you better be a guy's guy.

Don't be the guy's guy who wants to appease the nerds and wants to appease Hollywood. They both go, nope. Right? You got, because now the guys guys are going, I know he's got the vibe, but he's trying to pander to them a little bit. So I can't really trust him. And the nerds are like, eh, he's too much of a bro. So now you got nobody.

Yeah. So it's like, you have to make a choice now. Are you willing to be hated? Yeah, you got to stand for something. Are you willing to be hated? Yeah. Certain portion of the population. to hate you. A lot of them. And that

equal part is going to love you. And as much as they hate you, these people love you. That means you have a career. Boom. It's kind of like what you is the irony of that whole thing is sometimes they tell you who you are, which is even more interesting. You know what I mean? When they call Joe, like what people call Joe alt-right, nothing makes me laugh harder. Like when they, when you, sometimes they try to level you into a group because they're afraid of, of you. They're afraid of you. They're afraid of you and they're afraid of liking.

They just want to silence you. It's a radioactive thing, right? It's like if I make you radioactive, I don't even have to talk to you. If I call you a racist, right? Sanino's racist. It's over. Why don't you sit down with him? I don't sit down with racist. No, I would never.

What? Well, how do you know he's a racist? Well, because he's a racist. Yeah, hear him out. You just say it. There's certain things you just say. So easy. Like, if you call someone a pedophile, right?

You're not letting them babysit your kids. Even if it's fake. Even if we have this big joke. It's precautionary. Dude, it's precautionary. Yeah, we were just busting. Like, we were just busting. Like, this is a true story.

In my neighborhood, they were talking about doing this thing that a sheriff, a sheriff did this. I don't know where, I think it was in California. You have to look it up, but he was going around planting signs in sexual offenders' front yards for Halloween. Fuck yeah. Saying, do not trick or treat it at this home. Whatever the local police department was. I don't remember who it was.

But our neighborhood was like voting on it. Oh, I love it. And people actually were against it. And I was like, fuck that shit. I would put him in the front yard. And they go, what if the crime wasn't that serious? I go, well, that's what you get when you get what you get. It's not my issue.

It is what it is. It is what it is. Don't touch kids. It is what it is. It is what signs on three sex offenders homes. I guess he's not allowed to. That's what? He wasn't allowed to apparently.

As a parent, I fucking love that. But they voted on it in our place to do it because it was like a town council was like, let's see if enough people say yes. Then it's a town thing. It's mind boggling. We even let them out. If you touch kids, you just kill them. You're out. You just kill them.

Yeah, you're out. I have so okay. You just fucking shoot them right now. Simple as that. This is my same thing I was saying with that UFC fighters. Who disagree? Like who is the person going, let's give him another chance to touch it again? Here's why.

Here's why, because it's so prevalent that there's so many people that get fucked up with this thing. Powerful people. Powerful people that they silent. Dude, Epstein is fucking proof of how many powerful people. We thought Alex Jones was just making it up. And then you see, you're like, holy shit. This Oracle, he knew all this shit. Dude, he said shit that every.

Everyone denied it for years. I'm not saying he's not off his rocker. No, he's off his rocker, but a lot of shit. He throws a lot of mud and some of it sticks. When it does stick, you're like, oh, he got it. He talked about the island so much and people thought that was a joke that he was mocking it, making it up. And dude, years later, I remember reading it and going, holy fuck, was Alex Jones? Like, do he fucking knows some shit?

Here's the question about the aisle, right? So we assume, obviously, this is some sort of like, they're trying to, like, get influence in power positions. Whoever they is, it doesn't matter. Yeah. Right? But they're trying to have influence in power positions, right? So they're getting these powerful people to bang underage girls videotaping and saying,

hey, we got you on video, being a pedophile. Vote for this. You got to do what we tell you. Yeah, it's like Scientology. It's the same theory. Is that what Scientology is? Scientology traps them in all their fuckups and then they tell them they use it against them. They do this thing called auditing where you admit all your fuckups.

It's like when you go into Catholic Church, you admit to the priest what you did. But instead of doing 12 Hell Mary's, they got that shit on tape. And you have to do it. And they have hours, endless. hours. And so what they do is they say, if you're trying to get out of this motherfucker, just know, we have that recording about that time that you talked about touching that 16 year old girl behind the kid. I got to know what Tom Cruise

did. Come on, bro. You're never going to find out. You're never going to know. He's the cat. He's the cat. He's the fucking. He's the head guy. He's the head cat over there. Him and Travolta. They run that motherfucker. They got sick. Was it Will Smith in it for a second? I don't know if he was. He got out. Apparently they do like a new thing every year. What are we going to say, though, about the... Okay, so basically, so here's

my question about the Epstein thing. You know that they're trying to trap these people with underage girls. Yeah. How many of these people that went to the island or went on the plane banged the girls

but didn't know they were underage? So, for example, hey, here's this thing. Look at me right now. Yeah. They all knew they were underage. See, that's the thing.

I don't agree. I don't agree. I don't agree. And look, look, I'm the guy who says kill pedophiles, right? I'm totally okay with that. It's 100%.

Take them out, done. Yeah. I wonder if these guys are on a plane and they're seeing these girls who are maybe 16 or, something like that. Maybe they're made up. Maybe the that was kind of shit. And they're just going, oh, we got some

young hot ass here. It's creepy, of course. But maybe they're not jumping to I have illegal girls on the plane. They're banging these prostitutes because they're in the prostitutes. But have you ever been on a college campus recently? If you asked me how old that girl is, I have no idea. I was just talking to Mark about this. Yes, but being a conscious adult,

your first thought is, I wonder how old this bitch is. Can I tell you something? That's the first thing I would think. Let's say the three of us are on this island. I'm at your house. I'm not on a fucking island. I didn't go to the island. No,

I was there? Yeah, we were on the manifest. Let's say we're there. It was you and Judd Appetal. You guys did an island retreat. You did an island retreat. An Epstein island retreat.

You were playing catch. Both of you were playing catch. The worst game of a ball all the way over there. You just walk and get it. It's so exhausting. You feel like a retriever. It never even gets to me. Hey, but say we're on that island and those girls come at me and you're like,

God damn. You're like, yeah, dude, dude, 21. I would like, okay, they could have lied about the ages. Okay, okay, okay, time out. I'm like, oh, sure what you're saying? You know, you know they, you know. The goal is blackmail. Remember, the goal is blackmail.

So you're not going to risk, yeah. Think about it. You're not going to risk them not being into teenagers. Uh-huh. Right? Yeah. You want them to fuck them so you can use it. You'll probably say they're of age.

Oh, that girl's 30. Yeah. Like a waitress or someone went around was like, man, can you believe these girls are 22? Have you ever? I'd be the only cat on the island checking IDs though. That'd be me. I'd be like, can I see your idea? .

Yeah, I just need C-Ride. Oh, you don't have IDs on Ireland? Okay, that makes sense. I tried. I was at a show. I'm at a show. It's a while ago. Way a long time ago.

Way a long time ago. So, I'm at this show. A girl, her brother, her mother and father are at the show. They come up, they say hi afterwards, whatever. Girls hot, right? We're just kind of like talking, vibe in. The brother's kind of cool. I say I'm going to some party at this, some club or some show like that.

Do you guys want to come? The girl and her brother come to the party. We're all hanging out at the party. Everything's cool. We're all drinking. It's fine. We leave. The brother goes, I'm going to go home.

Leaves me with the... Tight move, bro. Now, here's the thing. The father put his daughter's pussy in his brother's hands, in his son's hand. Bad move, right? Because he was like, take him. Make sure she's good. Right.

And then the brother was just like, you're on your own. Right? So now it's me and the girl. You probably thought you were safe. Probably whatever it is. We go back to my. my, we go back close to my place as a diner outside of my place. I'm sitting down and eating food at the diner, right?

And she's eating kind of young. Like, she's like, she got chicken fingers? No, you know the jellies that open up like that? Yeah. She licked the jelly. Well, that's annoying. It's annoying, but it was also childish. Did she also order a vanilla milk shake?

You know what I did chocolate milk? She goes, you guys want to have happy meals at this diner? Because I want a toy. someone's got to occupy me. There's no fucking toys at this place? So she was doing trails. She's drawing on the fucking napkins at that. So she just

looked, so she just came across when you're like, I'm like, how old are you? And she goes, I'm 18. I go, okay, you got to go home. I had no fucking clue that this girl's eight. But you know 18's legal, right? 18's legal? Oh, you're a pussy. 18's legal? I might be a pussy. Shab.

No, no, no, no. We got to do all of Shob's things. This is like the fifth one This is like, yeah. Yeah, 18's legal, especially if they're born in

1987. It's got the exact hour. It's been really nice. 319, 9, 97, you're good enough. Honestly. I like a disappointed brother. Dude, that is fucking great. If they're 17,

well, how many leap years? Well, maybe there's a couple days. Did you, so did you kick her out? You got to roll. And when she had 10, Uber home. For 18 year old? 10.

Or as you call it just a 10? God. God. When you get busted for pedophilia, I just want the Turner enthusiasm song to play. As he walks away, bum,

bum, bum, banana, da-na-na-da-da. Like, we should have known and shit. Well, with smoke here, man.

Let me tell you something. I know what I'm saying? I know what you're saying? But I still know. Well, you've been married, bro. Yeah, but even still, but even still,

I, young girls aren't attractive. to me at all. They're just not. They don't look young, Shob. That's the thing. Ariana Grande looks 14. I'm not attracted to her at all.

She's probably 25. I don't even know what the fuck she is. I don't like young and looking girls. There are girls, Puerto Rican ones, that are 17, they look 25. They look 28.

They're 30. I know. Yeah, they're weathered as far. They've been through it. They've been through it. They're from the Bronx. Yeah, they've been through it. They've been walking up the Joker stairs the whole life.

That place is ratchet. shit, right? It is! You went there. Bro, they were throwing eggs at people. A guy just was at the top of the stairs, just chucking eggs. They hate that people are there. And you know what drives me crazy about it? They're like, fucking tourists, how dare you come here? It's like, welcome to being from New York. Yeah.

Like, we've been dealing with this shit, our whole fucking lives. That's the same thing, LA. When people say tourists in LA, I'm like, how do you think this town stays alive? It's like, for the first time the Bronx has tourism and they're like bitching and moaning about it. How dare they come up here? It's like, this is part of it. You're one of the burrows, are you not? Fucking deal with it. You got some

Stairs, people like. Just move to New Hampshire if you don't like it so much. Move it on up. Get the fuck out of here, go. Should we go to current event? You want? Yeah. Are we going too long, Chin?

No, it's not too long. Chin checked out an hour and a half ago. Yeah, Chin, no, I've been here. Once he said... As soon as I started doing the Texas stuff, it really fair. The texting, I thought was my favorite part of the episode, but then I think Chin checked out when you said duck sauce. That was too hard for you?

I didn't even hear the duck sauce part. Well, you guys said kimchi? Fish sauce, maybe. Kimchi. Fish shot. I know about that. Kimchi is great. Hell yeah.

It's just rotten cabbage, right? Fermented cabbage? It's delicious. It's good for your insides. Make you poo-poo good. It does make me poo-poo good, man. I eat that stuff on any to shake it up downstairs. Kimchi?

I'll eat a bunch of probiotic stuff. I'm a good with meat. It's good with meat. You always eat clean, right? You don't eat bread and shit. No bread, no refined shugs. Ever? Ever?

No bread. I mean, every once in a while, some shit. Like pizza slice? Bro, it just makes me fit. Like, I hate this, like, I don't want to act like it. I'm not, you eat whatever the fuck you want. I'm not telling anybody eat. it just, when I was eating lots like bread and sugar

and like putting tons of sugar in a coffee, I would be more anxious. And in our business, I don't need that. I need to be as cool and calm as I can in all situations. Yeah. Because every single day something fucked up has happened and we have to deal with that. Yep.

So I just cut that shit out and I felt way better. Simple as that. And it's really the American bread. When I was like away in Europe. Italy and shit, you're good. Yeah, because I think it's a little bit more fresh or whatever. Double zero flour. Is that it?

Yeah. You've heard of double zero file? No. You can order it on it. The double zero pasta? Yeah, well, that's what they do. It's Italy. You can order that kind of.

That's a double zero flour. They use that to make a lot of stuff over that. But you work out? Yeah. You just eat right. Oh, really? I didn't think. Tyre Schulman's,

Tire Schulman's M. I mean, you should ask me if I work out. Both you guys work out? You're so offensive. I thought it was genetics. You're always thin. You eat good.

I know that. And then you just figured genetics. It's so rude. That's so crass. You're the one that's a little pudgy lately. Not fucking me. I know, dude. Don't throw me to do your workout thing.

Yes, I fucking work out. Well, I'm saying you guys look good though. I just thought you in the basketball game. I know, I know, I know. Do you think that they think you don't work out? I don't hurt my fucking feelings. I was in the gym when you guys came down. I said, what are you guys doing?

I was there faking it. Yeah. I was just on the elliptical with five pound weights. Fellas, when you get invited? Nobody invited me to the hoop games. All right, what do you got? You were watching crashing?

Like, God, this Apatow can write. Dude, remember when you texting me that whole thing? You were texting me the whole dialogue. Remember you broke your appetal? He's just bad. No, he loves him, dude. He's doing, this is a bit. No, it's not a bit, dude.

I texted him the entire script. I voiced word for word, the entire script of, uh, this is 40. Yeah. I did this is 40 in my tub one time. And I texted him, I did a voice text. It was a long as voice text I remember. It was so long. And there was moments where he would be like, he would go like this.

Like, I could hear him quietly going, God, this is good. Like, you would say really, that I thought was pretty cool because that was like the director's cut. I was being honest. Yeah, behind the scenes. That was the BTS shit. Yeah, dude. Oh, that's so good. What do you got that?

Yeah. So this was sent in from Faze Razabi. And so this guy went onto campus at the University of Toronto with a bucket filled with liquefied poop. We don't know whether it's human feces or animal feces, but he had a bucket full of it. He walked into the library on three different days and flung it at people. While they're like studying in? Yeah, while they were studying. Studying and shit.

I mean, what's the point? And how do you get away with it so many times? Apparently, he just walked in, flung some shit, and left, and came back two days later. And no one did it again. They couldn't catch him. He was a student? It, I don't think he was a student. He just walked in with a bucket of shit.

He walked in with a bucket of shit and threw it on people? Yes. And initially, people thought it was coffee because it was brown. And then the smell finally hit. And people ran the fuck out. But wait, I don't understand. Why is one day? Is this two separate days he did this? He did it on three separate days. For what I'm saying, how did they not fucking keep an eye out?

I gotta give this guy prop, so three days is dope. Like one day, it's like, dude, that guy's a madman. Two days, you're like, something's wrong with him. Three days, you're like, this guy's just having a good time. Where's he? We're happy is. Yeah, we have photo one and two. I think that in Toronto. Where's he getting the shit? Him. We don't know. He has to be his shit. But that's, how many shits are you taking a day? I take three, and that's a lot. Two or three for me. I'm taking one. They're actually waiting for a DNA test right now. They have. had to take fecal matter from his shit

and now they're running it through a test to see if it matches up. I don't think it's him. I don't think it's his shit. This is like a clue. I think he has access to shit. He's got so he's got another job where he had to get shit. I think he has access to shit. He might clean like city drains, city pipes or something like that.

Yep, yep, yep. That's actually smart. That's where you got that yellow production half from. Oh, let's go to the Lizzo. Oh, please go the... Okay, so I'm sure you guys have heard about this. I haven't seen the outfit because everyone blitz it out. The alpha essentially looks like a really long black t-shirt and then the back is just a circle where her ass is a hit play for me wait what what is this when did this happen so this is lizzo

i don't know i didn't hear it happens she's so lizzo is the singer what's the name of the song uh truth hurts truth hurts um she how much attention do you need if you know it's not about the attention it's it can you pause for saying but if kiley jenner did this well that's the thing right it's like Like if you're fat, you can really wear anything and it's brave. Yeah, you get away with it. The most insulting shit. But how insulting is that that like...

If a skinny hot girl did it, they would be like, this is public indecency. It's insulting to a fat person. Imagine you wore something, right? And people were like... Are you saying? Not you. But like... I can't.

I can't look at that. Sorry. So disgusting. You're fat. They're basically saying, wow, you're so disgusting. That to wear that, you have courage. Right. It's insulting her.

The fact that they wear this shit with pride, like I'm brave. And now we're okay with it. Because we don't, because we know that it's insulting. Because they wouldn't call it brave of a skinny girl. Of course not. No, she'd be sludge shame. They would say she'd be sludge shame. Forget all that.

There's kids. Right. My kids don't want to look at your fucking ass at the game. I took my kid to a basketball game. Yeah. But also, it's not about you, fat bitch. It ain't about you. Enjoy the game.

Yeah. You know, my unpopular opinion. She does stunts like this because I think Lizzo didn't realize how big of a white audience she would have. Like white people think Lizzo is like their God. They love that. And I think she didn't realize that. I think she was like, oh, all these fucking nerdy, annoying suburban whites. They love fat.

I don't think she thought that was going to be her audience. I mean that seriously. So she does these things to pop back out to be like white people don't really get, they don't get to get me like they think they do. Do you know what I mean? Like they don't get to just have me. I mean that. She's a good follow on the gram. It's kind of like how

Lauren Hill, remember when Lauren Hill was like, remember when Lauren Hill was like, I'm gonna miss quote it. Should make music for white people? Yeah, but she missed, and it got misconstrued, which she basically said like,

I'd rather have fucking my kids starved than have, you know, my albums bought by only white people. Yeah. So many words. But what she was trying to say was, I don't make this music for whites. Like, this is my voice.

Is it for everybody? She was saying my voice is a black woman and this is for, I think she was trying to say it's predominantly for black people to live experience. I stop listening. I'm just saying white women think

Lizzo is like their hero. I don't think she loves that. Dude, she's a good follow on the ground. Right? You know what I'm saying? Look at this sticky, bro. I think so she does this crazy shit to be like, fuck white people because they don't get to own me.

I think it's a rebellious thing. There's one where she's twerking, keep going down to. You're like, all right, well, I can, I get it. Not this one? No, fuck no. All right. The Instagram's different because it's yours. You have to opt in.

No, she's not a bad. Where in that shit is just like, you don't need to do that shit. That's what I'm saying. Like that kid doesn't get to opt in. Yeah, she is, is. Do we want to watch? Dick, bro. I don't know.

I want to see what you guys are into. I don't care about her size. Look, I'm being honest. I don't give a fuck that she's big. I think her wearing that's just disrespectful. It's just like, that's stupid. Don't do that shit. It's just stupid for no reason.

You know what? It's not cool. I don't like that all the celebrities is like, yeah, you go, girl. But you got shit on Kylie Jenner and the Kardashians? They have to say you go, girl. Because if they don't say that, you go, girl. Okay, I guess. Look at that picture on the left.

If Kim posts that her Instagram, we get taken down. Yeah. That's funny. You'd be fucked up right away from me. If you showed your booty like that. Look at Derek Posting. First one to like it. He would. That makes sense.

Yeah. He likes booties. He likes booties. This girl has the right to do whatever the fuck she wants. I just think in the public space, it's a little weird. Get out of our face, though. I don't like everyone's, is on board with the facts. You don't have the right to do whatever you want.

You don't have the right to wear a thong. Not to a pub, not to a basketball. Dude, here's my other thing. Because if a non-famous person did that shit, it kicked out. No, every girl would be an asshole. if she did that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just dressed decently at the fucking NBA. But also, we don't even know the rules. You don't know

the rules to the game. Of course not. Have some respect for the fucking game. But what about a little self-discipline? Stop eating, bitch. It's just rebellious. When do we just go like... Isolate that one as well. Line that up with the under 18 clips. Shop wants to smoke with black Twitter.

Shop wants to smoke with all the black Twitter. It's the same thing with Andy Ruiz. Just stop eating. When are we just like, okay, go ahead, dude. Yeah, just do it. Let's celebrate you just being on discipline and being unhelp. I think she wants to rebel. I think all it is is what I said before.

I think like these white, nerdy suburban moms who love her. I think she wants to be like, you're not who I make music for it. I actually like her. And that's not a racial thing. I think it's an honest perspective of her going, I don't think she likes like, I don't think she wants to be an Akea commercial. You know what I mean? I don't think she wants her songs.

You know it would be really funny. They don't know IKEA for her. The suburban whites, they'll always get criticized. Or just always kind of like are tolerated by certain artists like if they were like all right we're just not going to go to your shows

we're going to buy your albums and they watch their shit plummet by 80% right dude if white people really wanted to say to N word they could really go we're not buying your albums unless we can sing along and I bet you rappers would like

well I get maybe in the song as long as you're singing it with me if we're together if you bought the ticket to my show that's the N-word pass Andy's Rake show What was that last year Who somebody said the

80% They're buying 80% The Kendrick The Kendrick brought a fan on stage Yeah The girls and he goes Do you know the lyric And she was like

Blah blah blah And the whole crowd's like Yikes Yeah but you know what He asked you to sing the song I mean he turned on her too Afterwards Yeah it was so rude

It was so fucked up He's like you got your goddamn mind She's like you How about don't invite a white girl On stage to sing your fucking song Then if you know it's filled with end That's also your lyric Oh you said it

You played the hook You said it. It's in the hook. I don't know. I think that this whole Lizzo thing is confusing. I don't get it. I'm a fan of Lizzo, though. I want that well documented.

You love Lizzo shit? Don't love her, but I'm a fan. She's all right. Yeah, she's all right. You are a white suburban mom. That is a fucking fact. There's just a time and a place.

Yeah. Bodybuilder proposes to sex style after getting a plastic surgery. Now this I love. Oh, he seems legit. So this bodybuilder is based out of Kazakhstan. And he says that he met his girlfriend, which happens to be. a plastic sex doll in the club a couple years ago, and he swept her off of her feet away from a terrible relationship with a young man with ill intentions.

And he basically had this whole relationship with her, and he decided to propose there in the limelight, and she felt uncomfortable with the way that she looked. So he made a decision to purchase plastic surgery procedures for her to look different, and they're very much in love. Whoa. What a psycho, dude. I love this guy. He's gone on to several interviews to proclaim his love for him. What the fuck she's wearing, though? He dressed her?

She's covered up. You see that, Lizzo? Damn, think how crazy that dude is. The hell's your friend. The guy's your buddy. Yeah. The fuck would you do, man. But if, yeah, if your boy came to, he's like, I got to meet you something. Dude, I've been seeing someone. You're like, oh, dude, congratulations. And he's like, I want you to come over and meet her straight up.

What would you do if she would? was sitting at the dinner table? What would you do? I'm being dead ass serious. If you walked in and your buddy was like... I could not stop laughing. I'm like, dude, I know this is not traditional,

but I'm being serious. This is my life. If he was like, don't laugh. What would you say? If you came over... Dead ass, I'd want to look at the pussy. I've never seen... I've never seen what it looks like on the inside.

I don't want to see one. And I do want to see it. And what if he was like, dude, you could fuck her. We're in an open relationship. I'd want it. Do they remove it? I would want my own thing I could slide. No, but I cleaned it.

I cleaned it for you. I cleaned it before he came over. Yeah. I want that with the tips. Done. Yeah. So I take out his one and I put it in my. Do you know what I mean?

I've got it worked out to my size. Dude, these sex dolls are perfect. Yeah. When you think about it, because they conform. This is great. Can we, do we see more of the things that she does? I think that's it right. Well, there you go.

Look at that. She's, oh, dude. I think I like her. Changes her wig up and shit. Gotta. Gotta keep it fresh. Oh, he's an actor too. Yes.

He's doing well. He's like, I already have a co-star in mind. But we already cast to someone. Well, you got to uncast him. Oh, there he's getting saxophone. Does she like, does she like music? I don't understand. Did she say yes, though, to his proposal?

Do I know? Yes. Yes, she did. Yeah, what a fucking hot mess. That guy has a mental illness, bro. Yeah, this is. Imagine when he gets tired of carrying her the proper way. You know, he starts her just dragging her around.

At some point he's just tired. They're in a fight. We're in a fight. Like, jeez, a blanket. Yeah. Look at these. dumb asses for the bridal shower. What are stupid? Those are good friends.

Those are good buds. The girl on the far right, she gets, she knows. She's like, this is insane. These other bitches are in. The girl in the far right is like, fuck this. Look at her. She's like, I gotta get out of here, bro. This is what is happening, bro. All right, you give us one more. One more, baby.

All right, this one. Do you guys wear those Fitbits at all? I don't wear that shit. Well, whoop. I think I'm about to do another thing with whoop. Oh, whoop is the thing you guys did for your competition, right? I don't have a competition. That was the rogue, for you talking about Sober October? No, didn't you guys do like a weight loss thing or some shit?

I didn't. This is real. This can actually really happen to. I'm sure it happens to a lot of people are. Oh, I do know this. Yeah. She's the NFL sideline reporter. I joke about this the other day.

I feel like this bullshit. How do we know it just wasn't jacking off? Say it, say it. Say it. I'll show you the actual text messages. What's the story? I'm not text messages. Say the story though.

Set it up. Well, they got each other Fitbit stuff, right? And they were tracking their fitness levels. It was a fun gift for each other. and then later on she found out at 4 a.m. His heartbeat was going to be crazy. Yeah. And he wasn't going to exercise or anything else.

And it's at 4 a.m. She knew. So she knew, yeah. She knew he was fucking. Or jacking it hard. He could have said jacking it. That's why I, yeah. You got, yeah.

You got to have sex on your back, man. So you're right. If you're fucking around, you're going to run out. If you cheat, your arm's got to be right next to you. That said, locked in like a luge. Fitbit. Did you leave them around? Do people wear them all?

It addressed. You can go online and check how your spouse or your friends are going. I didn't know you leave them on all the time. I thought you'll do it when you work out, right? Because it'll track your sleep. Yeah. That's the main reason people wear it. For me, for me, it'd be like, what are you doing it for him?

Your heart's by me. I'm having a panic attack. I'm freaking out. I'm thinking about the world. I'm thinking about what I got to do this week. That's really me. I wake up at 6 a. I'm like, I fucking do.

I sleep like shit. I can't turn off the head. This guy got, this guy could have got out of it. nah, nah, he probably, he, he probably wanted her to catch him. She's pretty hot. Who is?

The girl? Oh, let me see you guys later. Oh, yeah. That's Topanga. Yeah, you're not, yeah. Same there. Good reference. I don't know.

She looks a lot. I think that's a lot of TV look. Watch, you'll see her in. I think that looks like TV stuff that you guys are looking at. I think you guys see TV stuff. Look at that one right there. Go down. Left.

Left. Yeah. Let me go back. I'm fine. I'm never going to see her in life. I'm just going to see her in life. I'm just going to see her. That one right there.

think you guys see TV stuff. She's fine. I think you guys see TV stuff. I'm not going to wear a hit bit for her, but... I think you guys see TV stuff. I think that looks like TV stuff. It is TV stuff. She gets made up very much. She's not... I'm not saying she's ugly.

I'm just saying, like, you made it out to be like she was, you know... No, she's not fucking... It's not Hallie Berry. Hey, were you not at the game, the same game as Lizzo was? Wouldn't you at the game with your boy Little Dickie? Nah, we went to the Clippers game. That was the Lakers game. We can't afford those tickets, bro. I can't sit courtside. I would have to show my dick or my butt to get those seats.

there's like 50 G's a pop. What about FX, man? They can't... Little Dicky. Yeah, FFX, they're made of money. You know those guys. No, no, you know what? Well, because we got him through

his management team. They have season tickets. Dude, Clippers floor seats are literally one-tenth of the price of Lakers' floor seats. Why? They're the best team? Well, they're both good. What do you mean? Why?

LeBron James... People will pay whatever it is to watch LeBron James in a Laker jersey. True. People fly from across across the globe just to come to to L.A. to watch a home game. And then they go back to where they're from.

That's insane. Yeah, people with money do that. You look at the Lakers' floor. It's all foreign money because they're like, I'll pay 60 Gs to sit floor aside to see LeBron. Yeah, because their kids might get some shoes. He signs shoes and shit. LeBron's playing into the L.A. They're fucked up that they give them to the kids

that don't need the shoes. They're never going to be able to wear them. Oh, dude, come on. I sat next to a kid on the floor. This guy had his kid there, and it's like, this kid has no fucking idea what a basketball game supposed to be like. Like in his mind, he's like, the waiter come, a waiter comes to you? Yeah.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, the menu down there is a real food menu. It's not like, Dad, can we get a hot dog with me? It was like, Dad, can we get a hot dog and a Coke? And he was like, yeah, and we'll get some nachos. I was like, fucking nachos. And we're going to stand in line. I would lose it, right?

Oh, the line didn't even exist. Yeah, the line was insane. It was all a big line. Yeah. But this kid sits in his little fucking dork feet, not even hitting the ground. Yeah, I like this kid. I want chicken fingers. Cush and seat.

I want chicken fingers and I want, and I would like... Honey Dijon. Yeah, no, he wanted a side of fruit. I was like, oh, my. A fruit? Side of fruit. Yeah, you got a side of fruit. Oh, that's hilarious.

I lost my mind. I was just like, that's what this kid experiences for a game. Right. But it's funny because they get... It's not his fault, you know? No, it's not the kid's fault. Send the sneakers up top. Send them to the 300 seats.

Go, who are size 16? Give it to head. No, he should have one of the usher guys, walk him up to someone. Walk it all the way to the top. It should be to the furthest fucking seat. Those are the kids that deserve it. I don't know if they deserve it more, but like they need it.

They need those. They could sell it. They could definitely appreciate that kid's dad could buy him those sneakers. You know what the irony? You know what you said is? I guarantee you the rich kid would sell it online before the poor kid would sell it. Oh, the poor kid would love those. He wouldn't sell it.

I think it would mean so much more. Oh, agree. Yeah, because I said this last night, actually, I think I was more generous when I had no money than now that I have a ton of money. Not a ton. I shouldn't say that. I have a little bit of money. Compared to what I used to have, I'm saying, I have a ton.

I was broke, broke. When I first moved here, I was so poor. Really? I feel like I've always been the same. Even when I didn't have money to have money. No, I was more generous when I had less money. In the sense of like being okay with buying stuff or giving it away to people and stuff. And now, the fears I might lose it.

Yeah, I'm way more food because I'm a fear I'm going to lose it. Interesting. I'm more generous. Me too. I was. I feel like I've always been, but I'm more generous now. I wish I was. I get so nervous.

I'm like, they're going to take it away from me. That's interesting. Yeah, I'm way more generous. I don't know why. I'm worried they're going to take it away from me. Did you grow up with a lot of money? Not a lot. I mean, we were fine. We were very comfortable. My parents owned a dance studio. I guess, I guess, I guess, I don't know what my anxiety stems from, too.

I get nervous. Yeah, you get a beach house. Oh my God. If you have more than one house, you're ball and that's dope. Yeah, yeah. No, no, my parents were very comfortable. We were fine, too. I just feel like I went to public school. Yeah. But we had a beach house. Yeah. Like, I was probably one of the more wealthy kids of my friend class. It was upper middle class. Yeah. You know, but, um, again, my parents had a dance studio. So it's like, it's not like we're fucking multi- Do you have more than one? No, one. One dancer.

But my parents had like a really good business and they like understood the structure of their business. They like defined their business and then all these other people. But you were good of business. Yeah, probably from them. Just seeing them work tires. I guess I grew up fine. It's just I get, I guess I started this game so poor that I get scared. That's just being, I get scared all the time.

I understand that. There's a fear of going down. Yeah, you get scared. Yeah. And it's like, I think it's why a lot of times athletes that come from nothing spend all their money because they're not afraid of nothing. Because they've existed. And they've thrived. in nothing. Yeah, because they went to zero to

100, where in this game, you go zero to 10, to 20, then deck down to 10. Like, this the stand-up game is like... But you're good at zero, right? Like, you don't mind zero? I don't miss it. Right. I don't fucking miss sleeping in a kid. You don't want to go to zero, though. You never want to go to zero. That's why you're

the way you are. I don't miss. I don't miss that kind of shit. This, this is different. They'll be so heartbreaking if we went back down to zero. It would be funny, though. It would be hilarious. I get a new hour out of it. Callan would love it. Cal would fucking love it, dude. Callan that racist bigot.

There's a, I think what happens is once you realize like you can make money from nothing, you start to have less economic anxiety. And I think when you're in like the Hollywood Matrix, like for so long you've been auditioning and getting pilots and getting shows and all these things and you're like, fuck, I hope I'll get another show.

I hope I get another. Yeah, yeah. But your money is in their hands. And I think the more that you get into podcast and the more that you start, you know, you continue selling out in the road and doing these things, and you start going,

oh, I'm making my money with the connection to my fans. But to be fair, you know this too. This is the first time this has happened in our industry in a long time. It never used to be this one.

And ever. Yeah, so I'm saying like, that's why the nervousness is there because I'm like, you're never used to. You're not used to it. You don't do. But I can't.

This is literally what farmers do. We plant seeds and then go get the crops at the end of the harvest. Right. So, like, when you're a farmer, you have confidence. You're going to eat. because you're like, I just plant it.

I put it in the work. We're good. I soil, yeah, exactly. The guy at the grocery store that needs to buy the pumpkins is like, I hope we get pumpkins. Yeah. I hope we get radishes or whatever it is. So for me, I think that's what started happening when I started to, when I went, okay, I can do this. I can create content.

I can put it up in places and I can create revenue to take care of my family, take care of my friends, take care of my parents, whoever needs money, whoever needs anything. And I know I'm doing it. I'm not relying on someone else. That's the reason why I wanted kind of. kind of out of the typical Hollywood shit. It was like, I can't live my whole life hoping someone chooses me. Well, it sucks. So then what are you going to do about your special?

That. Because I think, I'm going to say that I think I have other friends who are the same way like, oh, anti-Hilwood, anti-Hollywood. And I'm like, we're just special going to be. They're all Netflix, Comedy Central. I'm like, oh. I'm not anti-Hollywood. I'm not saying anti-Hollywood.

I'm not saying anti-I mean, but when you go against the machine and as soon as the machine goes, we'll take it. You're like, all right, do it, man. No, no, you got to break the machine. That's what it is. You break the machine. So you... You mean use the machine, really?

Yeah. So it's like the new special will be, I think, one of the first specials that is like a product of new media. Right? And they got, you know, back in the day, I think the networks deserved the line, share of the money because they had the platform. They had the audience.

The audience, which is most important. They had the audience. We couldn't get in front of people unless HBO said, hey, you're get in front of people. Right? And they also had the ability to shoot it. it, right? They had all those things. And we were the ones that put together the content. We still do that. Now we do the content. We have a platform if we want, YouTube, right,

or Twitter, Instagram, all these other things. We could shoot it if we want. I do it every single weekend with my guys. And we have the people. So if you want me to go on your network, the pay structure got to be totally different, right? It's got to be totally different. When I told people to, like, put out their content for free, I don't think your content's worthless. You find the value of your content, right? Just because you put it out for free doesn't mean it's worth nothing. No, you're investing yourself. Yeah, it's worth it.

So it's like, so for me, I wasn't going to do a deal. I went from nobody wanted to do a deal to people being interested and I wasn't going to do a deal until the deal was right. I mean, I'll tell you a story. Did you find the right deal? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's pretty crazy.

How much? I won't tell you exactly how much, but I'll tell you, no, no, no. I'll tell you what happened. But also tell Safare exactly. Shob Wants and oh so fucking bad. Okay, so this would happen. I came back from a long time ago. Before I came here, I did, remember I dropped views from the Siss and I was here?

Yeah. I think it was the first time I ever did this one. Like that same time I was here, I was about to drop Vue's from Siss. I think it was the next week. I had a meeting with comedy dynamics, right? Yeah. Production company. They get it.

They get new media. They fucking understand it. And they're like, hey, we want to have views from the Sists. Can you not put it out? And I was like, that's going to be a million dollars. And they were like, what are you talking about just don't put it out on YouTube I was like nah it needs to be on YouTube so it's a million dollars

if you guys want it and they're like okay we'll just give us a few days I was like it's going up Sunday so you have a way it's fine I in the comedy world needed it in a weird way like the culture needed it it was just like a big fuck you and you just need to shake some shit you know and then I go to Montreal I have a good Montreal I come back Netflix makes me an offer for to do stand up to do the degenerates

or whatever like that 30 minutes degenerates yeah half hour yeah 15 minutes. Oh, the new one? Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, they're doing 15. Didn't know. 15.

And then I was like, yeah, I put my stand-up on Instagram and Twitter. Sure, I'll do it on that. And you're going to pay me? Cool. Yeah. It's no big deal. And then we get a call from Comedy Dynamics. And they're like, hey, is Andrew doing anything for a special?

My agent's like, you know, Netflix reached out. And they're like, don't sign anything. Give us a second. We'll put something together. So we go back to Netflix. with some demands we know they're going to say no about. But we're like, can he be the first episode? Can he have his face on the flyer?

Just shit that they're going to have to run through their lawyers to like stall for a couple days. But also legit. I don't care. I just thought they were really good comics that were on this season. So I was like, that's cool. Like these are, you know, my brothers and sisters. Like, let's do something fun.

But we just need a few days. So they come back. My agent comes back and he goes, okay, here's the deal. And he's like really excited and he like puts it down. And the deal from Comedy Dynamics is for a million to all. And I go, man, this is fucking amazing, man. Dude, that's awesome. Great job.

But tell him we're not interested. And he like had a heart attack. Like my agent had a heart attack. Because he thought it was a home run. He's like, this is what you wanted. And I was like, no, no, that was for the last special. So shit's changed. So it has to adjust accordingly.

Because I don't care. I'll put it on YouTube just as much. But comedy dynamics is just the production company. They're not going to. And where did they want to. And where did they want to live? And then they would go and shop it. Right.

Well, we shop it together. We partner, right? Yes. Because my thing with them is we got a partner. We got to be in this together in every aspect of it, creative, et cetera. It's not just like paycheck that is done. It's like how are we going to work together to make this shit good? So I said, hey, man, I can't.

You know, that's amazing, but it's got to be more because that's what it was last time. And if I value what I do and I feel like it's increased value, then you got to respect that. And at the end of the day, I've never paid any of my bills off of money from a special. I'll put my special on YouTube so happily So fucking happily I'll probably some more tickets Doing that

I might You know what I mean Or I've got some good Play confidence Where we're going with it I can't say just yet But basically You know we said back

And my agent Had a fucking heart attack I was like Just trust me man Just fucking trust me And then I dropped that crowd work special The 30 It was like 30 40 minutes

Right? Yeah it was like maybe like 35 minutes And he was like What do you do We have things I was just fucking Trust me Everything's fine

And the crowd work special Hit a million views and then we got the offer that was right and then we were like Netflix thank you very much but we're going to go with comedy dynamics and then and then we just settled with a place that we're going to be on C-So it's going to be on C-So it's going to be on C-Soe. Dude it's just a real problem that whole long story so I want to make the announcement it's going to live on C-Soe we're revamping my space no it's actually an album the whole thing's going to be on thing it's an album dude it's we're like what the fuck no it's no it is it really interesting is that

there's a so judd abatow has this um it's a baseball network and they're doing baseball and comedy and uh so i think i'm going to be the first are you really first one well i love both of you man no no but it is it's a cool thing i guess the point i'm trying to say is like i'm excited for you just fucking i can't wait it's gonna be i can't wait just do like i guess what like last time probably we were on here and we had these conversations and i do believe like comics you should share all your shit but when given the opportunity to sell it it's important you get your value worth

you know and I think that's why this was important for me it was like make sure to make sure people know that there's there's a reason you're doing it there's an road to all this right we're not we're not destroying the industry we're just shaking it up so that we can work together in a better way because we're doing more than we did before right it's not fuck them it's hey let's fuck with each other

like let's not fuck them yeah it's not fuck him it's like hey let's change it baby hey let's talk let's shift yeah I don't work for you you work together Because look how much we're doing. All three of us tomorrow can go film an hour and we can put it up on our YouTube and get millions of views.

We know our value. You're right. So get paid accordingly. And even if you don't get paid, put it on YouTube and then blow the fuck up with it. We got all the options. It's a new way. And it's also so young, so it's hard.

It's a hard medium. I mean, you've got, anyway, your shit's going to be fucking dope on where it ends up on TikTok or. See so. TikTok. Dude, it's going to be dope. And I want to say this.

All the offensive fucked up shit that we say on here, Schultz and I, because I know Andrew well, I love him, we mean none of it, and Shab means literally all of it. I mean that. I'm serious. When we make jokes and we talk about offensive,

weird, fucked up shit, we're probably kidding around. When Shab says it, it's real as fuck. I mean, dude, he means it. He means it. He is a pito, a racist,

big it. Can you sign us out as the Texas cowboy? Yeah, I'll tell you something about chinny, chin. He took a whole bunch of them. And I appreciate you all listening to the fighter and the kid

featuring the Red Rocket, Andrew Break the Motherfucking Industry Shultz, and good old bigot-bigot-Brendon Shob. Bigotty. Bigotty. The bigot Brendan Shob. The bigot, Brown, Bigot, Brendan Shob. Any dates or no?

This weekend, hey, I've got two, I'm doing two shows at the Ice House in Pasadena on Saturday. The first one's already done. Already sold out and the second one is almost sold out. But come see me this Saturday of the Ice House. I'm done until 2020. I do the Red Rocket Tour doing small theaters. Where can you get the tickets for the Red Rocket Tour?

Andrew Santino.com. Go to Andrewsantino.com, baby. I'm pulling up on one of the dates. I'm going to check out the dates. You want to come through? Seriously? I would love to, yeah. Honestly, I would fucking love that.

Because I had so much fun when we did our show the other day with Tony and Tim. We did like a Q&A after we were just fucking around. And it was so fun, man. Will you seriously come to a date? I'm going to pull up. I promise you. Come to a date. Absolutely.

Especially if you're anywhere. This is all Shab's dates. He puts it up for Shabda-Ree because he has C-T. He doesn't remember where he is. He doesn't know where he is right now. I have so many. I have no idea where I'm going to be performing at UFC 48. I'm told so.

Hey, where are we at right now? What town are we in right now? He doesn't know. Shultzee anything? What? Yithing. Yeah, yeah. Theandishshelz.com.

You can check out the YouTube. YouTube.com slash the Andrew Shulton. I'm on tour right now, the Matador tour. And you can get tickets to the special. Matter of fact, we're doing a special in L.A. At the Orphium. When? April 11th.

And the tickets go on sale. Presale is December 17th. Soon. And the code will be Matador for that. So just go get those early, man. Yeah, buddy. Go get them.

Love it, man. Two of the best. I'm in Atlantic City this Saturday. La Jolla and all next weekend. La Jolla Cami Store. Get tickets. T-FatK.com. Fellas, love you both.

Love you, man. Sign us off, Cowboy. Thanks for listening to T-Fact K. I love you, baby. Come back soon. This is the fine kid. We're out.