The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 518 Theo Von & Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: September 15, 2025

Chris D'Elia joins Brendan and Bryan, then Theo Von makes a surprise appearance and madness ensues. Enjoy!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can withstand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Mm. Kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. Now from the Onet Studios in Pliya, Vista, California,

it is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. But we're not live. We don't do live, right? And now it's the fighter and the kid live.

Not live. This is not live. It's not live. Are we recording, Chin? Yeah, we're recording. Oh, dude. Before we... I won my shoes today, dude.

You won them? I want the animal pack, Jordan... Oh, you got them? Nice. Man, who gives a fuck? Congrats, I care. A couple things. I knew you'd care.

Hold on. I got a couple things. Number one, suck the boys off. Hold on. Number one, you take your sunglasses off and put your collar fucking down. First of all, that's, he said, he said one thing, that's two things, okay? And I will tell you this, dude. What?

You know why I can't take my sunglasses off. You know why. You want to say it together or what? I'm not saying. Future's too bright. No, that's not. I got mine. That's not.

That's exactly right. That's not. I mean, he has to take mine off if he's not taking his. No. Now, my collar, I try to put it down, but it doesn't go down. Why? I think it's a cool thing. It's just like a fucking, my, I put it down and it goes like this.

I put it down and then it goes like this, you're too cool, and it goes back up. I don't think that's fair. It's not fair, honestly. I see other guys on the street and they got their colors down and I go, what's going on? And they go like this. Well, Chris, you know what I mean? What do you mean? They're looking up at you like that?

I'm a drink of water. I'm six-two. Now, there are a couple things, too. Before we get to the sweater, because I want royalties, we're not going to get to that for a second because this is my thing. Now, hold on. Chris, Chin, I want you to go to my Instagram. I want to show what kind of a supportive friend. friend Chris is and I want to get into this for a second want to get into this go to my

Instagram I'm here yeah no I know I'm here yeah you well now I'm gonna mean Phoenix this Saturday celebrity theater get your tickets go go go to my go just go to the just go to the fucking thing chin Chris no no no no to Phoenix to the Phoenix to the Phoenix yeah there you go I can't remember well now sweet what is the first comment what's the first comment on there hey everyone don't go to You apologize right now and tell my fans to not only see me in Phoenix this Saturday, but also at the Wilber Theater, New Year's fucking Eve. Do it now.

I will say this. I will say this. Chris, I'm going to take mine off. Okay, that's cool, man. We're inside. It's all good. It takes me a little bit longer to take mine off. That's fine.

Dude, I am fucking still so young, okay? You're almost 40. I don't ever fucking, I mean, you're almost 40. But it's a feeling, you understand? And I've kept that feeling since I was young. And you know I'm the fucking youngest guy you know, okay? I'm new year. So here's the other thing, dude.

I do what I want, right? And when I have to do something I don't want, I go like this. Not having it? So I don't want people to go to your show. That is bullshit. So if you're going to make me say. Why don't you? That's so blue.

blatantly spiteful. I know. I know. And I'm just going to live in it. Hey, did you have to do all caps, bro? Yeah, I want to see it. And what are the emojis ahead of that? Educate the over here. Those are the alarms going off like, boop, boon. Hey, everyone, don't go to this. Like if you were in a building, you'd be like, what's happening? And they'd be like, don't go to the Ron Curlin show. And they'd be like, ah, well, we weren't going to go anyway, but we'll make sure not to go. Now we're really not going. I'm very nice to you. I'm not physical with you, and you're very lucky with that. Now, don't sip your coffee out of the corner of your mouth. You got a loose mouth. I don't like how tight that collar is in high up on your neck. Oh, we're going to get to that. We're going to get to that because it's a bad fit. Now, listen.

So bad fit or got bad bad buy? No, no, no, no. I got a good, is it a bad fit or you waste in the way. No, I got a good body. I have a good body. I just intermittent fast, which is why I stay so good. My skin's tight. Okay, okay, okay, cool. Skins tight? I'm going to post about my, we'll show okay and what i do if you if you comment in a negative fashion i'm gonna come at you that's in boston now we know that that's one of my towns that's one of my talents right also mine you're from the west you're from pasadena you've never been to boston that's the south side what the south side you're south side you're southly no you're south you're not whatever it is i'm from the south side of it you understand what i'm saying okay so you had some edge

thank you no i didn't say that i asked So what I'm saying is In Boston Because I did And I'm not trying to brag I'm just dude I'm a fax guy You know I'm a fax guy? Numbers guy

You're black and white guy I say the facts right I'm just a guy who's just coming out The shit Coming out the gate with just fucking Rip-worn blazing with facts Right I know I know

Okay So So So So I did I did five I did five shows at the Wilbert At the Wilbur theater And it's fine

And it wasn't even on New York Year's Eve, right? So it wasn't like an extra special thing. It was just, I think it was like a Tuesday and then another Tuesday or something like that. Okay, man. Okay. So if you were at my show and you also like Brian Callan, don't go. No. That's so, okay. I'm sure there's some people that listen to this podcast, right, that aren't DeLea fan. And after this, there are people who, there are a few. Well, but there are I'm objectively we know I'm objectively not to be a dick okay we had the instrumentation we had the instrumentation with two different instrumentations with two different non-partisan monitors right right didn't we and and we had to see who got the biggest laughs and the longs left

oh yeah and it well hold on and it doesn't matter I want right I think you got didn't I said hey Chris after the show after I destroyed I went hey Chris and you go yeah and there was no energy in your arms Remember? You looked up at me and you went, yeah. And I didn't hear, I go, what? And I go, yeah. And I go, that's how it's done. Remember?

I remember you said that. And I go, and when you said that, when you looked at me and you said, that's how it's done, I go like this, no, I'll show you next time. And you go like, and I remember looking at you. And I thought, and I was like, why does you, why do your jeans have the, you know what Australia looks like, where it kind of comes down. the side and then up on it's kind of looks like it has horns and stuff. And I was like, why do you have an artist's drawing of Australia on the front of your jeans? And I realized

you pissed yourself. It was a peace spot. I was wondering. What the fuck's he talking about? Me too. I was like, the fuck you were going. Yeah. No, I was like, I was like, why do you have on the front of your jeans, the map of Australia, right? No. And I and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I, and I closer and I thought but patchwork doesn't smell like piss right these camel pants yeah I said I was going on there and you pissed right because I gave you the biz right I gave you the biz right there didn't I you know what I mean I don't do you don't shake you don't shake your shoulder yeah no but when I talk to you and when I really talk to you when I get stern and when I fucking barrel you know when I get one hand on my hip and I go like

that I'm giving you the best right I do Oh my God. And you're going T.T. Australia, man. You are. I'm going T.T. Australia? Yeah, your whole shit went. T.T. Australia. That's what happened, dude.

Right? T.T. I fuck you up, bro. Yeah, you will, then? Yeah. Because there comes a time when a man decides to drop it all and stop talking and he just, he just neutralizes the situation. Is that right, dude? And you've never had anybody.

Never in your life had you ever had anybody neutralized the situation because you didn't do sports, your theater guy. Your theater. Did musical theater. And you never got in a mix-up. Dude, I've been in a mix-up, man. When? I was like fucking... Say one thing with substance.

Okay. One smart thing. Like, what area? What arena? Tell me about the impeachment. It's not going to matter. It's not going to matter. He's going to be president. And the impeachment made it so he's going to be president in 2020.

Fair point. Fair point. So how about that for substance? Hey, why is this, why is this so tight? What are you playing at Jay? He sits like he's a paraplegic. What's going on, dude? He's like this.

He sits like Stephen Hawkins. Move your legs around. Dude, get a little more comfy, man. He's like this. Maybe he's nervous. He thinks you're going to criticize him, dude. It's fine, dude. I'm not going to criticize him, dude.

Look, why is his medium sweater so, why is his medium sweater so, so, tight of my arms. That sweater's annoying. This guy asked for a medium. It might hurt sales, dude. Did you think about that? Bro. Dude, I'm just saying. Yeah, right, bro. Maybe you want...

All right, then. You sold a lot of fun. Dude, you think this... You think this gonna help? Bro, I could sell a dick to a firefighter. What? What does that mean? That's a terrible metaphor.

Oh, my God. I can sell a dick to a firefighter. Oh, fuck, man. Oh, fuck, bro. Good podcast, buddy. This is how it is, man. Get that at G-Star Raw? Yeah, man.

I'm surprised you did that. I want to thank G-Star Raw for fucking fit in me. Yeah, they gave me this shit. Nice. It's a cool, wax. They go like this. The collar will go down eventually when you get older, you lose touch. But I haven't lost it.

Yeah. No. Okay. Bro, um, when are you, when is your movie about zombies in that other movie with, uh, that other actor? Next, uh, you're a journalist? Yeah. Yeah, when's that coming out? Um, he'd like to work with those guys. Which ones? I don't know, all of them.

Have you, have you trouble? Hey, Chris. Did you, did you feel the most uncomfortable time in your life when we're to that Stalone party? Oh. You were the youngest baby. I was, dude. I'm the youngest man alive, dude. It was good.

It was good. I had fun. Dude, I didn't feel awkward. I thought I would, and I didn't. Really? Because you looked awkward. No, they're all great. I was acting.

In the picture like this. With a bunch of actors. You're like this. I was acting. Chris in the middle of all these legends are there. And then at the one, there was a commercial. And it was for AutoZone. And Chris goes, oh, I got, I'm in this commercial.

I'm in this commercial. AutoZone, AutoZone. That was a good joke. It didn't get, I don't think people really knew what was happening. Chino wouldn't appreciate it was like oh oh it was so weird it was such a weird you're also kind of young in that group too yeah yeah yeah really and you were they were fucking legends but that's what I was thinking like you can't be a legend unless you're that old really I know right like I mean they were all so nice how about

how great is they were all so nice yeah I mean uh yeah Tonya West yeah like if but if he died yeah and now people are legends when they die yeah you don't appreciate people till they die that's why about Stallone's art of I was trying to explain how good is art was. Oh, yeah, no, he's good. He's, uh, yeah, it looks like he would, I'm an idiot. You know, I can't tell what's good or what's not, but that art looks like art that would be sold for a lot of money.

Yeah. Yeah. So, so crazy. So which one of you stupid fucks and hooked me up with one of his daughter? No, don't be a, don't call a stupid fucks though. That's very rude. Yeah, his daughters are single and very cool and, and very beautiful. So I don't know.

We'll see what happens. That'd be nice, dude. Yeah. Send a picture of you in that sweatshirt, see how it goes. Yeah, it's a sweater. All right, dude. You don't have to, it's fine. Let some shit go.

You know what I'm saying. Hey, bro, what's it made of, man? Acrylic? No, dude, it's a Christmas sweater, man. Have you ever had a Christmas sweater on? We didn't celebrate Christmas in my home. What? You didn't celebrate Christmas in your home?

I didn't have a home. What do you mean you didn't have a home? I don't want to get into it. Well, you just brought it up. Dude, that looks good on you, man. That's the best outfit you've worn since I've ever known you. Because you only wear. stuff that, like, would be in fucking

J-Crew catalog? No. Yeah, you shop a J-Crew? No, I don't. You shop at J-Crew, bro? I have. Yeah, you do, don't you? I have. Mm-hmm. Do you buy it from the fucking magazine, or do you go in? I go, I go in, and then you see what size you like, and then you go, maybe, and then you order it from the bag. No, no, no, no, no. I go to James Purse. That's good. You don't go to varvato.

But I have shopped it. But, yeah. Barbatos, I've shopped there. just one of them. One of your questions? Yeah, I talk about it. No fucking dunts. Hey, did your dad get you gifts, Chris? No, d'uns.

Yeah, I look for Christmas. Still? What's your daddy gave? Hey, man. Hey, hey, yeah. I don't remember, you know. I don't remember. Hey, dude.

He does fucking do this thing, though. I put on my Instagram where when he's like Italian, you know, and he'll hug and he'll, like, kiss. All right, see you later. But he fucking kisses so high. That's a new one. And it's in my eye. And it makes me so fucking mad, dude.

And I say, Dad, you always kiss my fucking eye. And he goes like this. That's not your eye. That's not your eye. This is your eye. And then I'll kiss my fucking eye. And then I'll go, why don't we fucking do it here, dude? He's like, that's your neck.

That's your jaw. I fucking don't like it, man. Yeah, I saw that Instagram. Yeah, dude. You liked it, didn't you? Did you like it? I don't know really like stuff, do you on Instagram. What?

You're a hater, aren't you? No, I'm not. He's a hater, bro. Sometimes I check likes. This fucking guy likes it. No, I don't ever like it. This guy likes it, he can only use two of his limbs. Types with his mouth, likes it with his tongue.

He's got a paintbrush. Bro, what are you doing for Christmas? I'm going to my fucking parents' house. Yeah. Brian, what daddy get you for Christmas? I didn't get anything. I don't think I'm going to get any presents. You don't think you were good this year?

You think you're not? No. Were you naughty? You were naughty, where are you? You? What? What? What?

You have to be careful. No, I know, I'm being careful. That's why I'm, you know. You have to be more respectful. Just kind of vaguely saying it. Okay. We're naughty this? A little bit.

What happened? I was... You naughty? I had my fingers in the cookie jar. It's okay, dude. It's fine. Do you feel that? Do you feel that? Dude, it's okay, dude? Lifting weights on.

Because you're still young. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I am. It's a picture, Shred City, huh? Well, shred zone, yeah. They took me to the Shred Zone. Yeah. But we're still having some... Dude, I squat.

I squat more than I do anything. We're having resistance in the leg area, right? Who is it? Oh, shit. Oh, no, dude. Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no. There he is. There he is.

Yeah, bro. Yeah, dude. A, B, you know the gift that keeps on giving, and I use it every single day? Ask me who my trainer is. Who's your trainer, bro? Just one. I have two. Robin and Ali, bro.

I'm talking about Peloton. Every morning, I wake my ass up, 6 a.m., scroll on down. to my freaking garage in my sweats. I don't have to go to some fancy gym. I don't have to talk in anybody. Nothing. Drink my coffee and I get on that Peloton. I ride hard, dude. I ride hard.

30 minute class, 45 interval class, weighted class, whatever you got. They got yoga. You got on demand. You can do live classes in New York. Whatever you want. Give the gift. And here's what's dope about it. B, you can try it, Rinks. The gift of worry-free trial with Peloton's new 30-day home trial.

They can try the bike. free for 30 days. So if you don't like it, they pick it up. Full refund doesn't cost you anything. Does it get rid of your rings? Nope. I can't do that. Okay. But maybe help with your lungs. Yep. Yep. So check it out. Can you give me like $100 off accessories or something when I purchase a Peloton bike? Mm, I guess, dude. This holiday, give the gift of Peloton for limited time, get $100 off accessories. When you purchase the Peloton bike, go to one peloton.com. Use promo code the fighter at checkout. I think the best workout clothes, hands down, are roan.

I own a bunch of it now. I wear it all the time. It's the best quality there is. It is. It's active wear, engineered for unparalleled quality and comfort. It's a fact. It's as good as it gets. I've got all of their stuff.

They're your new go-to men's clothing brand. Brian loves it, all right? Wear at all time. Wherever you're, whatever you're doing, man, you're active lifestyle. Maybe you're on a plane. Maybe you're working out. You want cool sweatpants,

whatever you need. They blend all that business with comfort. You can look good and be comfortable at the same time as the point, all right? Go to roan.com slash fighter right now and use promo code Fider to get 20% off your first purchase. That's R-H-O-N-E dot com slash fighter. promo code Fider for 20% off.

Rone.com slash fighter. If you travel, they've got the commuter collection, they've got all kinds of things. pants, dress shirts, polos, and vests, everything. Wrinkle-free, lightweight, comfortable. Yeah, you sound super obsessed. No, they are upset. Rohn's obsessive about clothing that is lightweight comfortable.

But you sound obsessed. I love it. I love it. I wear it all the time. There you go. Rone.com slash fighter. Step-dance season in here. That's right.

What you doing, bro, bro? Phil Vaughn's got a bit of a tailpiece on them. Dude, you got the same pants. You got the fat ass. We got the same pants, dude. G-star. We got the same pants. G's up, hose down.

I'm surprised he stood up and walked away. He was sitting like a paraplegic. He was sitting like a paraplegic, dude. Dude, I know Jay's just raising, all he's doing, dude, is farming my asthma for friends. I don't think, you, I swear to God, you start a sentence and don't know the rest of the sentence. Yeah, bro.

It's called a mystery, you idiot. I'm the idiot. It's called a mystery, Mr. Man, who knows what he's doing all the time. Fuck yeah, dude. It's all. What's up, bro, bro? No, I must, chilling.

Spill some gas on my hands, but... That'll ruin your whole fucking day. It'll fucking... Ooh, I like it. Oh, I like it. Oh, right, but you still smell it all day. Yeah, it's good. Nah, dude, I'm not, I'm not gonna let you get away with that.

Oh, yeah. Gasoline, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, gasoline. The two of you couldn't... It's a good thing the internet came along when you guys were... What are you saying, bro? Say it. Say it.

What else would you guys do? Oh, a little strokey, what's going on? Yeah, what do you think? We would do. Stroking out. I'm not stroking out. Okay, man, I love you. I'm just making sure I care about it.

No, no, no. What's up? Yeah, what's up, dude? I can't believe Chris DeLea's here today, dude. I can't either, dude. I thought he was busier than this. Yeah, I am busy. I'm actually somewhere else as well.

But I'll tell you something, dude. If you're fucking, the top of your hair looks like the fucking back of a duck's ass and everyone knows it. And I tell you what? And everyone knows it. And people go, sometimes I'm at the comedy store and I hear, sometimes I'm back of the duck's ass. When you walk by, that's what I hear.

Right? Dude, sometimes you'll go by and then like four other ducks will walk by. Yeah, they'll go like this. Like, I'm a wide like this. That's what they do, dude. And there's always that one gay duck that's kind of just looking back. Lod's Brendan's duck. But he's thick.

He's the thickest. He's the thickest. Cool shoes you can't get yet on. By the way, is there, when you, what age do you reach where you can't get the Travis Scott co-labs. What age is it? There's got to be an age. Here's the thing about that, right?

Chris is getting there because me, he's my one friend who's in the shoes like I am. And I'll send him like before they release. I'm like, dude, coping these. And lately he's been like, nah, not for me. Yeah, not for me. You know what you are? And I take someone I'm like, dude, you're getting old, huh? You know what you are, an old guy?

And I was like, fuck, maybe I am. Wow. There is a, there is a cutoff, right? 40? I don't think so, bro. 40? Nah, man. As long as you fucking own it from the inside?

I don't know what that means. Yeah, I know you don't know what that means, though. As long as you own it from the inside, you're whatever the fuck you want, bro. Is that what you say? Yeah, dude. When somebody says, you're too old for those and you go like this, nah, I'm not. You look at them and you say that shit. So when you get dressed up.

That is confidence. And you coordinate. And you got, oh, I got this new tattoo at 40. And then you go, is that an airplane taking off? That's a plane, bro. It's a plane going around the world, man. Road dog glide. Do you know why?

No. I'm not going to get a, Brendan. Why did you get a Boeing's, Boeing, Boeing, 7.07. Bro, because Yeah, that's a small plane, huh? Well, I mean, it's not life-size. It's a regular plane that you go to Denver. It's not like bro, it's a double-decker one.

It's a double-decker one. It's not even a double-decker one, man. It's a spirit airline. It's a spirit airline. Get your fucking bifocles out and look at it, bro. You're fucking, hey, that's a regular, don't go to this one. Don't move fast. You're going to hurt your back. No, no, no. I did hurt my back yesterday. Dio, what do you think of Brian in

Chris's Christmas sweater, dude. It looks good, man. Don't see dunce? No, but that's how it is. I get so familiar with dancing you're saying, dunce. Dunts. I think this was my invention.

I think one day I said dance and then you took it. Ooh, those are fighting words, dude. I need some resids. You want some resists? Oh yeah, you deserve it. You can have some of the money. Wouldn't make it.

But you admit, one thing. Can we admit one thing? He won't do it, but yeah. Just admit one thing. It's not a big, I don't know about me. I want you to, let's think back a little bit, because you have a little bit of amnesia, right? So let's think back. At the end of the day, is this a fair statement. This is a fair statement. That I, that I pulled you from my rib. Dude? Is that fair? That would not be fair. Okay. That would not be fair. But I made you when you were young and lost. No, I was, no. I would not say that, do it, because I would always look at you.

And I, when I, when I was coming up, and I would be like, Brian, and you'd be like, like, what? At me like that. But that's where you are sometimes. Not a lot, but you used to be like a little more like here, and you're just getting a little bit smaller. Osteoprosis. Why, because my spine is going to, it's, God. Your spine's doing crunches. Wait, how did you hurt your back?

I was training. Oh. I had a. No, no, hold on one second, man. you were training what man you were training all right my friend is a recon Marine of course he is

and he's recon take you to the next level we're gonna do some explosive stuff I have a nephew that's recon dude he's in a special he's like a special academy or something yeah they're no joke they're no joke take it from me

if they're no joke he can whistle like doing it also what's the next level where's the first level for yeah dude with the recon man there's only the next level for you. Boy is, I'm moving my neck like this right now.

You're like Batman. Because I did a... Michael Keaton, Batman. I had to balance on a fucking, on a kettlebell. And I was like, this is a bad idea. And I had to go and open up, keep myself balance. And I went, I think this is a bad idea. And I went, and I went, tweak.

And I went, ah, that's going to be a problem for the next five days. You need to get on roids. We've been over this. I can't wait. Get on Roids? Do you know I'm going on. I can't. Bro, if you got, how funny would it be if you got...

Wouldn't it be hilarious for us? I'd love to see it. Do it for us. It would be good for viewers, too. Not that you need it. You have a successful podcast. Thank you, Brendan. You don't.

Well, you're turning into a mannequin kind of. You know what he's turning into? Yeah. That's a really good point. That's because I have to shave and I'm wearing makeup from my fucking TV show. Because you're wearing a sweater that's for sale right now. I'm excited to wear this because it really belongs to me.

Listen, man, you're welcome for this. It fits you nice and tight. Yeah. It's good. Dude, we should all combine our long. locks like the power rangers. Yeah. And you watch.

Yeah, yeah, you watch. You guys are so disrespectful to older people. And then you're, you watch. But you're so, the three of you are so disrespectful to other people. What's up, Rose? What's the,

you look like a cafeteria worker that just got off of work. Yeah, with that net on, like I was making sloppy joes. Yeah, oh my God, yeah. Wow, wow, yeah. You don't need to do that.

But no, that's prison cafeteria. Let's combine our locks, though, guys. Yeah, that would be a lot of locks. You get over here, dude. Hey, dude, you're fucking, what's the thing's name? Quato in, uh, in, uh, Total Recall. You're Quato.

And you're the guy. And when he goes, I wonder what he was, oh, there's that guy. That's you. And he's all. Yeah. The wet baby. The wet baby. Yeah, you're the wet baby.

Should bring up wet baby from total recall. Quato. Quato, that's his name. I'm not. That's Brian Callan. That should be the new poster for fighter and the kid right there when the guy takes off his thing. There he is.

Q-U-A-2. The third row down. Third row to the right. The second one in. One more. Next to the hot check. That's the league. Right there, bro.

That's Brian and Brendan. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You got some titties, dude. Oh, that's so gross. Yeah, but one of his tities is a baby, though. Yeah, that is very true. And he like whispers.

He's like, move. Oh. That's like your body, Chris. Chris has a subcutaneous level of fat. I don't, bro. Subcutaneous. You just said I was shredded. I showed you the shred zone yesterday.

It's subcutaneous. Hey, you know what would be interesting if we did like a sober October? Yeah. Like Rogan does with them. I wonder who went out of you. Fuck up. Who do you think, honestly? Oh.

In all out, I'm not trying to pitch you off. No, no, no. I know you're here. Whatever. I think Chris would win. In what? in an in a endurance and stuff whatever competition we did

what's the competition he couldn't even breathe he couldn't even he couldn't even hold a note and I think Theo is pretty ganks about it too and what is it holding your breath underwater? No but if you want if you want if you want he did fucking murder me in the holding a note thing which I was shocked

with no we're not seeing no no I know but it's about win but I will tell you this though but I'll tell you this though um if we're talking about like working out hard at a fucking level and then like and then like burning calories or whatever the fuck that's what i'm talking about yeah and then theo you get that dumper he can fucking push pha you work out yeah he's an athlete i can look for

he's actually an athlete i'm good at looking for stuff he's got he's got a real eye he hides it on stage he has a real eye he's got a tailpiece now he's a nicky minazza's in between his shoulder i will actually i will i i i'll he wipes his ass like this what would be a what is what's the thing this is him taking a shit you got a real high ass you got a black guy ass yeah yeah yeah a lot of black guy stuff dude wide nose big ass um do trying my best um I do you can die you used to be all a dunk right uh yeah not well but yeah really really yeah that's all that ass power really that's fucking cheek baby yeah that's cheeked up bro yeah that's cheek a lot of my fucking calves are in my

Yep, a lot of your calves are in your ass. I think a lot of my calves are in your ass too. I got no cats. You don't? Fucking zero calves. Brian has the biggest calves there. Really? Oh yeah, you do have good cats.

Giant cast, yeah. Yeah, but you guys haven't been talking about his calves on this podcast for like four or five years. They've gone down since we started. Yeah, they've gone down. You leaning them out? Yeah. You leaning out your calves? Mine.

Yeah, bro, you gotta start going, you're going to not exist. No, no, no. I'm up in my workouts now. Does he exist? Does he exist now? Yeah. Do he exist now? You know, I'm only getting stronger and better, right?

Uh-huh. I'm only growing more. You only could. Schooled, ABC! 830. Dude. Hey, can I ask you a question? Maybe you guys all.

Have you ever had to do an acting thing where you were embarrassed in the middle of the scene? Like, for what reason to do, like in what you... I can't go into too many details, but yesterday... You don't want to spoil it. I've never done this in my life. I had a scene, and I had to... I had to sing. I had to, like, get caught up in the music,

turn and sing to the girl I'm dating. Oh, wow. And I, and the director kid coming over, and Jandra Secar, who's fucking awesome, and he comes over and he goes, no, let's try it a little bit. What's going on? And I was like, ah, and I didn't know what was going on with me.

And I was like, okay. And then they would come again, and I'd do it again. And I go, and I go, and sing, and I have to learn a thing and sing. And I, and finally, he came over and he goes, what's going? I go, I'm embarrassed. Oh, my God, dude. I said it in front of 100 people, 100 extra.

I go, I'm really embarrassed. This is an embarrassing scene, and I don't want to do it on TV. Oh, my God, dude, that's hilarious. He started laughing so hard because he was embarrassed by it, and we were all like, I was like, just don't make me do it. I'm not, this is not what I would do. Like, at a concert, me singing along, my character wouldn't, and I would.

That's soft, bro. That's it. You remember that audition you helped me on? It was for a John Cena movie, and I forget who else is in it? And I had to sing, you have to, it's supposed to be a big guy. He sits down on this little girl, and he sings opera tour. Oh, yeah. You know, I haven't got in many castings.

I asked Brian, he goes, dude, just sell out. Make sure you know that you want it. Just sell out. Don't hold back. Yeah, he's right. Go in there. They're all sit around the table. I'm like, now.

And I was singing the way in my car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can sing loud. You blow one of those little things first to get the note. So I go in and I did the whole opera thing I see the direct go Jesus. Oh my God And I go you want to again and go we're good

I was so embarrassed I didn't tell you how it went I didn't tell anyone I just why I thought I was like oh that's not happening And the director was probably Jewish dude If they say Jesus that's when you know it's bad bro I did a fucking I did a fucking two Two of the worst things was I did I had to play James

It was role for I was young for James Dean, and he did this, I had to do this opera. I mean, this Shakespeare piece. You were auditioning with the commercial? What, the sausages? I was supposed to play the life. The life of young James Dean. You knew him, right?

Yes. The life of young James Dean that I had to do. And there's a scene in the movie where he does a thing from Shakespeare, where he's got a cry and it's like, he's like, he's really, you had to be James Dean and him doing Shakespeare? Dude, how about this? This gets better. I worked so hard at three days. I want, I'm in New York.

Can I do it? And I'm like, for a, well, for a, I don't know what it was. let's just say it's next me. And I hath done, oh, I have done, oh, I can't. And I go like this and I lean against a thing. And I go like this and I go like this. And I think I start to cry. And the gas and the guy goes, uh-oh.

And he goes, I think you're doing the wrong part. No. Oh, no. Oh, you can go like this? And he goes, and he goes, you let me go for three minutes. and he goes you did you think you were coming in

for James Dean it's so not true you know my hair I'm shit he jilled your hair I look like I don't have the hair for it anyway

I got shit on the white shirt on yeah but you know me I don't have to dress you rolled up the sleeves I don't look like James Dean I never did look like James Dean I was bad idea

I look like his buddy that doesn't get laid so so he goes yeah Mark you were supposed to go in you were supposed to come in for Mark or whatever

and I'm like oh and it was literally like two lines shit And he goes, take it in the hallway and come back in. Oh, yeah. That shit is... Oh, fuck, that's so funny.

That shit is so embarrassing. Dude, but wait, with the school thing, was it supposed to be comedy or were you supposed to be getting into it? Because if it's comedy... No. Because sometimes like... It was a great episode. It's a great episode.

I can't wait. It's actually a great episode. I get to saying it's hilarious. It was just the end was very heartfelt. Oh, yeah. It's supposed to be... I have trouble with that. My character is kind of a hard guy.

And I'm just as a person, I'm not very sentimental. And when it comes to singing, when it comes to singing, you're outgoing now. Yeah, I'm not going. I'm out going. No, I think, yeah, well, there would be like bits, like with multi-camera, it's tough sometimes, too, because, you know, you've done it. But like, I like this biz talk, you know. You got to do, well, it's biz talk. We should have our own podcast.

It's called in the biz. It's more embarrassment talk. Yeah. That multi-cam, though. But like, don't turn your back to me so much, dude. It still work, right? What is this guy doing, man? You know what, dude?

I got to say, I appreciate you saying that because I fucking won't do that. Okay. You said that, you're right, and I won't do that. Man, you owned it. Respect. Yeah, I own it, dude. Apologize to him.

I will say I'm sorry about that, man. You will say? One of my car keys fell. Please just say it. One of my car keys fell. Oh, sorry. No, that's all good. But yeah, I don't like that, man.

I used to have a buddy fucking that would, like, every time we were walking and talking with other people, he would like always like walk a little bit over to me and I'd be like what the fuck man what the fuck on the way to school and I hate that shit and you brought it up thank you for making me a better person and I'm serious and I'm not joking around when Rogan would dislike somebody we'd be out like this and he'd be somebody he just would say something shitty yeah I've never seen like when he was young man when he was an angry young man he would go like this he go what oh that's hilarious wow and I you know me I hate that I'd be like oh ha ha ha ha ha ha and he'd go

I don't like him. I don't like him. He sees you, saying. He didn't care. I don't like him. Yeah. Savage. Fuck, Joe.

I remember the day he called me. He goes, I've decided to be nice to people. Really? Did he do it? Yeah. Well, he's working on him, man. I'm just saying, like, because I, like, I like that kind of shit. And I will never change.

What do you mean? Do you like what? I like when people tell me what's up, dude. Yeah. I like to know, man. I wanted to let the people know. And I want people to let me. know. Yeah, you want clarity. Yeah.

We all do. I don't want like this shit. We all do. Yeah. We don't get it though. Like some guy, I was, uh, I was, let him know about my fucking. Oops. Yeah, dude. Hold on, bro. Oops. Yeah. Lunch is over, man. Go sit by the window, dude. Jesus.

You gotta calm down. Was I in the middle of, What sentence ends in at? Zero of them Welcome to friend The kid Oops You interrupted me

Yeah Now the danger in that is You don't get a jewel Right The danger in you interrupting me is You don't let daddy drop a jewel Right Now we all like jewels

It's expensive Yeah It's dangerous though People are dying Exactly And if I'm gonna come in here And I'm gonna fucking give you some hot hot heat if i'm going to give you a fucking lasagna of a conversation

and you go yeah but i was on this one thing that's not again then ooh right because you're not getting jewels i'm going to come out i'm going to come out you all right what he's going to say You know what I almost closed you out. I wanted to make sure you're being too inclusive now. Go ahead. Dude, give us the hot lasagna. Well,

I forget it now. No, boomer, apologize. No, I'm not apologizing for shit. Boomer of my shot. Because I forget it now.

Let me fucking remember what it is. And everyone be silent until I fucking remember what it is. Keep totally quiet. No, I can't remember. No, it's over. Dude,

the hot lasagna is gone, dude. No, total sign. Lasagna is so good, though. Yeah, I love it. Hot, though,

isn't it? I don't remember Nope, it's not there We lost the joke It's slippery bro I bet it wasn't gonna be I mean I think it was gonna be Correct

Here's the thing though You know what people are like I forget what I was gonna say And then somebody says Then it wasn't important I disagree with that whole thing I forget important shit Yeah

I forget real important She's like I forget Most important shit You know why I'm trying to fucking Block it out Because it's so goddamn important And it's affecting my life Yeah

We know what's up buddies man I don't I don't know what's up I don't I'd love to be in y'all's fucking you know what everything's good you know what I got it you know

wait oh is the oh oh oh I got it yes yes dude this is what it was I was at the fucking laugh factory and you know the girl who takes the fucking great pictures Liz yeah she kills it dude Elizabeth Vigano

so out to Liz she was taking a picture she's like can I get a picture of you in the so sweet right she's like can I get a picture of you in your jacket I was like sure I put it up the sprite jacket

you know what I mean shit's dope yeah So I put it on And she wanted to fucking take a few shots And the flash is going off And I'm modeling, you know what I mean? Like I don't know what I'm doing But I know what I'm doing

You know what I'm saying? Like I'm like I look like I'm like Yeah, but he's a fucking He's a funny accessible guy But really though dude I have steel looks That I can give the camera And almost break the lens

Okay, right, all right It was foggy in there I remember so So I'm fucking doing shit You know I'm modeling Like I'd You know so I'm

modeling and shit I'm hitting different poses and shit and some guy says hey Chris the show's going on do you mind if I get a selfie and I'm doing modeling and I go look at him

I go like this I did that I didn't even know I did that but I go like this and I fucking waved them off and he goes oh sorry and I fucking hit a few more shots pack pack pack pack pack pack pack pack

pack pack pack and they say hey man sorry about that what did you want? I told him what's up in the moment and then right after that I was a nice guy. Yeah. I want people to do that to me.

You understand what I'm saying? That was the jewel. That was the jewel. That was the jewel where you just wait the hot was on you? I'm just saying, no, I'm just, no, no, that wasn't a jewel for him. I'm just saying, maybe I was going to give you a jewel,

but you interrupted me. Sabaro slice, bro. What I'm saying, that wasn't a jewel. You guys are misunderstanding what the jewel was, okay? I'm sorry. All I'm saying is fucking, let me know. What are you? say it when you want a new jeweler bro what i'm trying to say is oops to all of you but what i'm trying

to say is dude uh just tell us i have it you're interrupting me you don't know what it is no i do you got a junkie vein sometimes this is what it is when you i want you to give me the business when i need the business yeah okay i'm going to give you the business when you need the business right you gave me the business when you were like stop closing me out i was like that's the business So I fucking opened up on you because I felt bad And now we're back to be in France But you got a blue vein down here And that's why we shoot my specials

And mostly use the right side coverage Okay So I don't want you bringing that up All right dude it's distracted I'm the only guy was a Verico's vein In his fucking forehead And you think that that makes me happy It's right under your eye

All right take it easy Dude 25 people are going to see this fucking podcast Way more than that And you're making the vein more pronounced when you yell the vein down dude that's my quato that's your purve vein let me see it goes out i'm gonna laugh i go aha god he's got a yeah it's it's in fucking white male black comic isn't my first special that's when i noticed it that's when i really noticed it i was like we got shoot incorrigible from the right yeah it's a chunky vein it's fine dude i don't care about

it's fine yeah you're not gonna age well no i am gonna age well and you know what it's not that i'm handsome no okay no it's not that i'm handsome no you have an awkward And I'm willing to, but don't say uh-uh about it, right? But, but it's that more that there's this sort of a fucking thing about me, right? Yeah, you know what I'm saying? Right, like, you'd be lucky to have a fucking smidge into that thing, right? When I walk into a room, even if you're looking, staring directly at your fucking Darkwing Ducks clock or whatever the fuck this is, right? If you're just staring, I'm doing a thing, but I don't mean to close you out, but if you're just staring at the Dark Wing Duck clock and I walk in the room that way, you go like this.

No, I don't. And you don't have eyes on the back of your head, right? Even though it looks like you might, though, because there's not hair there. Yeah, you should get eyes tattooed right under, like in the hair a little. Like a no-fair shirt. So I feel you. You have an essence. Yeah, yeah, you go like this.

The it factor, bro. From the back, you look like you run a Quisner, though. Look that way again. I'm not even joking, dude. Look at it from the back. Now, look this way, please, for these gentlemen. Oh, what's up, bro? Like the manager to Quiznauzna?

Like this, like this, like this. The guy owns a couple. Do you want to toast it? Do you want to toast it? Your legs are getting a little thicker. They're getting a little thicker, dude. I do squawks. You got some, you got some hammies on.

You turn it in a carrot top, kind of a lot of people are saying. You know what? And thank you, dude. I would fucking do that in a heartbeat, man. Just stay in Vegas. Just looking all fucking. Hey, here's Will's, where's Waldo on video? Where's Waldo on audio tape?

Just making a fucking, hugh. Here's my invention. Waldo on audio tape. I'm Bill, I'm Frank, I'm Waldo, found him. I've never seen the show, but it sounds like a good one. That's a funny joke. When he did that, I laughed

my fucking 11-year-old ass on. My friend went to a show and said it was fucking hilarious. Oops. I'm allowed to interrupt. It's my show. All right? Yeah, it's called flow. I'm exhausted. Dude, you must have to go sleep in your car after this.

This is fucking exhausting, dude. You're going to die young, bro. I love you guys, because I love you guys, man. What? I do. I love you guys. I don't think that's it. I love two of you, and you know it's fucking...

Dude, it's even like rock of love. We're all competing for Chris's effect. That's a good idea. Oh, fuck, man. That'd be awesome, man. It'd be hard to compete for his affection. because he's not into anything, but comedy, common shoes and coffee. You'd have to come with shoes and coffee.

That's where it would be, right? Yeah. But then that has a cessation point. And then what else would it be? You're not even massages. I don't like massages. You've never had a massage. I don't like them.

That's so weird. Yeah. You like when people just rubbing your body and shit? Yes, because I work my body. I get them all the time, man. I go V-Ed, I go Far East on my back. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You know what, dude? That makes so much sense that you get so many massages. I love them. You seem like a guy that would be like, once I get some money, man, he's going to get rubbed all over. I'm going to have some secret. I'm going to just bring it a tub of butter, man. Just have them dip it in a vat and they just put it all over my back, man.

I want them to massage in different parts of me, man. That's what you would do. Just my feet the whole time for 45 minutes. And then just spend five minutes on the back of my neck. I'm good. Get elbow deep in that ass, man. Somebody's doing work, bro. That's a good deal of all.

It is a good deal with. It is. It's good deal on if he's Jeff Foxworthy. You might need a massage, man. If you're me and you get some money, you might need a massage. If you might need a massage. Theo Vaughnworthy. What's his name, Foxworthy?

Jeff Foxworthy. Theo Vonworthy. That's you, Theo Vonworthy. Yeah. Bro, that's the worst impersonation, man. That sounds like a fucking hick, bro. Tomator from cars. Do you do any impersonations, man?

You used to do that one. You used to do Frank Calli Endo, didn't you? I don't, I don't ever, I don't know, I don't think I'm good. I honestly, for real, don't think I'm good at them. I just do them to be silly, you know what I mean? Like, I don't like, I didn't spend any time on it. Let's the M&M one went fucking not viral, yeah. You do some, who do you do?

Um, I do. Residents, mostly, right? No, I don't do any presidents. I used to do Gerald Ford a little when I was younger. But I'll, uh, I'll do like a... Imagine a young kid doing Gerald Ford. I can easily imagine that. And I'll also, I would do, um,

The black gentleman, who's white also, Morgan Freeman. Oh, yeah, yeah, you do that one. Yeah, you kind of sound like him anyway, huh, don't you? Yeah. You don't talk to my arms. Yeah, don't text her in the show, you know? I was watching his Instagram. Hey, let me just pretend I.

Yeah, I do a little Morgan Freeman. You're not that far from Morgan Freeman. Right. Right. So I stay, yeah, safe areas for it. But that's good. Thanks. That's good.

Yeah, I know it's good. If you're a baseball player, we don't have to fucking be. I mean, it's a company. You don't hope to be, like, defensive about something that I'm saying that's a nice thing, right? You're not saying it's a nice thing. I said, that's good. I said, yeah, I know it's good. Okay. So that's how we know the way you reacted. You were molested.

And it's fine. And it's fine. But that's, you know. That's a huge jump. But that's as much fact as you're going to get. If I say, good job. And you say, yeah, I know it's a good job. Then, obviously, when you were younger, you were touched and it's fine. Okay. Because that's how people who were touched react. It's all good.

You were supposed to be a mime, bro. You got so fucking lucky. We were at the comedy store and these three girls were there and Chris is standing here and one of the girls goes, I'm not doing it right now and her friend goes, why? She goes, because I'm on the spiritual path and Chris just goes, and that's what a crazy person says. It was so important to say that. Oh, wait, you would like this. You know what I did?

This is the kind of thing that I was talking about. So you know what the comedy? You would fucking piss yourself. all right so we were at the comedy store i was with like five friends that i hadn't seen for a long time and you know how when you're at the comedy store or really any comedy club in l.a there's always like a few outliers and you're like and they're like kind of listening to your conversation and you're like is this person a comedian does he do open mics or is he just wearing a jacket you know what i mean yeah so i was doing this shit talking and we were all having fun and this guy would be like

yeah yeah yeah and every now and then he would say something and then he and and we're People I haven't seen in a while, like one of my castmates from Undatable and shit like that. And he says something one other time while we're laughing and we're doing a bit. And in the middle of the bit, he says something. And in the middle of me laughing, I said, who are you? Bro, everyone fucking fell out. Who are you? But bro, you're in this.

We're all in our soul. That's the thing, though. You should know that, like, people just don't have a. sense of place. Well, that's how you get to be that guy. What if he got, they don't know? A hundred percent, dude. They don't know how to behave.

I remember I went, eh, who are you? What he'd say? He goes like this, uh, he didn't even know, dude. He faded away to the street. He just backed up into an Uber. Yeah. Now, if he doesn't know who he is, dude, then the fucking, bro. You got to know who you are, dude.

That's the first thing. When you get out of your car, you're somewhere. Who am I? I never, but I mean, I always knew. I'm daring. I'm daring. You know, learning. how to behave like I know not to

I don't know them so I'm not going to be like that's how I fight it in I did it once I did it once recently dude but you can do it every now and then because you're not that guy you understand you're I felt like that guy when I was doing it well I was remember what it was every now and then I'll do it too but yeah I was that okay wow okay yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm trying to be on your team

dude the circles opening up yeah yeah okay okay um I was at Logan Paul's um home where he does his podcast And Machine Gun Kelly was there, right? And I love Machine Gun Kelly, right? Yeah, he's good. So he's like, we're like waiting outside to go on to where they tape. And he was like there with some friends.

And I walked up and I was going to introduce myself. And then I got fucking nervous. So now I'm literally just standing there with like three or four friends. But dude, I was stranded. There was nothing. I wanted to be appropriate. Like it's obvious. I can feel everybody's energy.

They know now I'm there's someone else here. Yeah, that's hilarious. It's too late to bail. It wasn't, I can't leave. You're, yeah. Yeah, dude. And I started getting scared. Like, I didn't know what was going on or who I was.

I had this happen. I had this happen on the podcast on Monday because they shoot that all the, all the smoke, the NBA show. So it was like, summer jamming there. A bunch of black guys. There's wings everywhere. Dwayne Wade's there. Steph Curry's there. And I find my, like, they brought me in there.

And I'm in the circle and they're all talking. I didn't know what to say. Oh, no. And so I went, I went urban. with, I went, man, man, those wings are, oh, fuck. Oh, man. And those wings are off the chain. Oh, wow, dude.

I've never said those wings are off the chain in my entire life on this earth. When bird, bro. A lot of people go bird when they meet brothers, man. The wings are out of the chain, and they're soon in California, I hate you, Brendan. Oh, that's so funny, man. And no one acknowledged it. You know what? I learned my lesson so long.

I'm the white guy. I'll see myself out of that. Oh, my God. Wow. I remember I was 14 at boarding school. I just moved to the United States. I know. I just moved to the United States.

My parents are in Saudi Arabia still. I want to be a football player. I didn't know that I wasn't built for football. I was 14. That's on your dad. That's what happens when you come into America rich, you think you can just be a football player? Yes. That's a really good point.

I'm going to be a football player. I want to be a wrestling and football. I want to be Joe Montana. I wanted to be a quarterback. You want to be Joe Montana? Yes. And your dad didn't have the hard. You want a long hair out of my, you know, I would always like, I would set goals.

So I'd be like, by the time I'm a senior, then I'll go to the college. I had all plans to be a football. You're like no Montana, dude. I thought that's what a man does. Joe Montania. And it was, I remember. I can't believe you thought he could have come here and be something great. I did.

And I, and I, and I, yeah, that's American dream. Oh, yeah, dude. Go on. Why you shouldn't have my American? dream i'm 14 yeah you're right man i'm probably 95 pounds for real and i remember the new england the fall would be so cold i was like i can't play football it's too cold i i'm just not built for any so this the three older guys who were like kind of big and they were good at football they were talking on the bus and i remember they were having a conversation and i was so excited that i was

up on my wow wow i was like this and i was holding on i was like this and i was i couldn't wait to get in. That's wide excitement. Yeah, yeah. That's wide excitement. I couldn't wait. I was so excited. And I said, and I never forgot, I went like this. I said, yeah, I feel the same way. And the guy turned to me and he was like this. He goes, yeah, I feel the same way. Oh, wow. And I went, and I went, and immediately, I just disappear. I got so embarrassed. And I knew that I wasn't in this group. And I went like this. I went, I just went like this. And I went and sat back down. And I never forgot it.

I still remember, I went, that hurt my feelings so badly, but I'll never fuck up again. I'll never make that mistake again. Yeah, there you go. You weren't invited. You got out of line. I got out of line.

I wasn't allowed in. Here's one. But you tried, though. You were tried. I tried. Here's one. A little different than this, than this,

but along the same lines. I'm walking home from school. I must have been in fifth or sixth grade, okay? I'm walking home from school, and there's the hot girls. They're walking together. Now, I was by no means,

a hot guy. I was the fucking kid who was late to puberty and all the shit. I had fucking big feet and I was a gawky teen, right? And I'm walking with these girls and I'm like, okay, don't say anything too fucked up. You just chill. It's fine. Peppered in some conversation, didn't really go well, didn't do any fucking, didn't, you're just kind of like, eh, that wasn't good. That wasn't good.

Okay. So I'm like, oh, man, I'm thinking about this. I'm like, maybe I'm just not this guy. Maybe I could just let it. It's fine, dude. There's alphas around. I'm just a fucking dork and it's all good. I remember my buddy, Matt Trevin.

And he was always like the fucking athlete version that he could play all the sports and I couldn't. And he was with them too. And they probably liked him. And I'm walking and I can't fucking pepper in good conversation. Now, as this is happening. Now, this is all you can take. As a sixth grader, this is what you can take. Yeah.

This is the threshold. Okay. Now, what happened was there was a pothole. Okay? Now, I didn't see the pothole. All right? I stepped in the pothole as I'm already at this threshold. Okay?

That's lower than the question. Now my, yes, exactly. Now my, now my, now my knee bends backwards. Yep. Not only am I already at the tip top of I can take. The glass is full, right? Now I'm in physical pain. And I go, and I go like my, like something comes out of my mouth where I'm like,

and I immediately start leaking. out of my eyes. I'm crying, okay? Because I can't do it, all right? How old are you? I can't do it. I don't know, dude. Too old to be crying. You're sensitive. Yeah, I'm a sensitive. I'm a sensitive. I'm a sensitive boy. You're a sensitive boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm walking out. Details, bro. And, you know, maybe fourth, fifth grade. I don't know. Yeah, you already said. How young does he have to be for you to enjoy the story, man? So, so I start crying. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm so insecure that I'm crying, all right? And like, who gives a fuck now? If I go, oh, it's hyperstead of my knee. What's up? Right now, I'd be like, oh, what's wrong? I hyperstom in my knee. You want to

fuck? You know what I mean? That's what you got to go with. Jesus. Even if you're married with kids, you got to be like, hey, let's fuck. So they know, oh, this guy meets business. Yeah, yeah. I can't read. You want to fuck. Yeah, a hundred percent, dude. You meet you. The person is right next to me. Well, no, no, no, no. You don't meet to anybody. Okay. All right. Look, man. Anyway, so I start crying. Now, that's not the good part. the hottest girl senses something's wrong, which is horrible, right? So she says, hey, are you okay? Which is worse, because I'm crying.

I hyper-extended my knee. I don't know how to fucking peppering with the conversation. Yeah. How could she not know you that you're not okay? There's so many clues. But I didn't want to be like, well, I didn't know what to say in the conversation and then I hyper-extended my knee, and I feel so insecure because you're probably like Matt Trevenin, right?

That's what you should have said. It is what I should have said. That what did you say? But what I said was... I have a boner in my pen. What I said was... Why is it always a mystery? What is it?

What I said was... My grandma died. Oh. I like that. I made up my grandma died. That's great. And now I think, I have to wait for my grandma to die.

So it, like, can make sense. Did she end up dating you, though? No. I don't even know who it was. It was just the hot girl. Oh. But I made up. that my grandma died. And I know, what's my mom going to say?

Well, you did well under pressure, though. You think that's good? That was creative. It was creative. It's not that creative. It's an easy out. My grandmother died. It's the first thing you said.

Yeah, everybody has a grandmother. They're basically the human version of the hamster. They fucking die. Everybody has a dead one. I should have said my great grandmother died. I should have said my great grandmother died because she was dead. Right? So we learn.

Right. And I'm still young. I could use it. Dude, I've learned from freaking. Yeah, dude. I remember one time in San Francisco. I followed. I was interested in, sorry.

I was interested in this woman, right? This adult, probably, I don't know, anywhere from 20 to probably 40. How old are you? I was 19, I think, or 19 or 20. You'd know if she was 20, if you were 20, but anyway. But I was real, real nervous, right? And she was walking. And so I started walking, right?

And I was getting, I told my buddy, I'm like, hey, I'm going to go talk to this lady, right? And so next thing you know, I've walked like five blocks. I'm behind her, getting closer, but I'm too nervous to, like, talk to her. And then finally, I get up close to her. And the first thing I said, at this point, I think she knew that I've been following her for so long. I was like, hey, I'm not a stalker. Oh, that's a good thing to open with.

Yeah, I was like, hey, I'm not trying to do anything weird. That's what stalkers don't say. Yeah, and then she fucking literally ran off this time. Oh, wow. I'm not trying to do anything weird. And it was up, it was a little bit uphill. It was like Union Street. Sam Fran. With those guys that said, that put me in my place,

those football players, I sat there, I felt so bad. And then I turned back around and I looked at them and I go, when I get older, I'm going to come into your house when you're sleeping and I'm going to cut your throat. What? You said that? Wow. I did. I've seen the kids that do that.

Yeah. And then I got older and I made my first money on Mad TV. I hired a dude from New York to come in and kill their entire family. Brian. I know. Brian, what? That's not, why are you admitting? Because you can't disrespect me.

Okay. But now the cops. You're making it up. Are going to listen to this. Well, that's, and let them, let him prove what I did. I feel like you tried Trump in all of our stories with that, dude. Yeah, I don't think you slit. You hired a guy to slit his throat for just kind of making fun of you in the back of a bus.

Killed everybody in there. You got to take your own life, dude, if you really mean it. That's right there. Killing somebody else is the old shit. Yeah. Now these days you get so angry at somebody you fucking take your own life too pussy. You just cut yourself and bleed on them. Yeah, whatever, you're little pussy boy.

You take your own life, dude. About any of this. Don't be a fucking, you guys are a three pack of shit boys. Hey, bro. I remember once I'm this girl, this girl. Not you, Brin. We went too far.

High school is the worst. It's the most impressionable time. A girl goes, hi, how are you? And I go, hey, I'm great. How are you? Look at this hair.

It's amazing. And I'm touched, and I touch her and she goes like this. I see her and go, I know, she's talking to the girl behind me. Oh, God. You grabbed her hair?

Yes. Are you a gay man? Oh my God, you're in here? Are you a hair dresser? I'm sorry. You're a shit boy. How are you? I like that you went all in though.

I stroked her hair. That's not normal. That's not normal. Even she was talking. You'd be like, hey, what's up? I'm going to get a Sprite. We had a camp out when I was young. So this man that we all knew had a son that was our friend.

And he would get... You just say your friend. Just say your friend. But that's not how we met. That's not how we met the kid. Okay. So we would... dude they had a

outdoor television the thing you would use to get direct TV but back in the day the big big one people yeah but when it broke you could fucking swim in it you know I'm talking about the huge the dish the night dish so we had to go out there and push that bitch right two people had to push it and one person had to sit inside

until you could see tits on skin of cinemax remember that oh hell yeah so anyway we have to leave the window open anyway it was a blast but so one night we had a camp out out there and they had this girl man named Emily Baumgartner And she looked like, I mean, she was almost like, look like a pony, beautiful. Yeah.

And, uh, hair, bro, that came from like, I mean, hair from decades and centuries ago. Not Amazon Prime. No, not Amazon, dude. Nice hair, the actual Amazon. Hair from the fucking roots of society from nation. Got it. Hair that had the fucking, the earth's crust in it. You know what I'm saying?

Like a Persian rug. Yes. And anyway, bro, we're sitting around playing a spin the bottle at night. Hell yeah. And, uh, how many people are. And I thought that she liked me. I had this weird sense that she cared about me, right? And so...

Creep. Creep. Creep. I think she cares about me. Creef, dude. Totally, dude. Okay. Such, bro.

And I remember I used to write her fucking name right here on my skin, bro. Getting creepier. Hey, Mark Wahlberg from Fair. Take it easy, dude. Oh, it was fucking a kid, bro. 15, dude. That's a teenager, not a kid. Okay.

Well, anyway, so it came time And the bottle got on one of us And it was like, we were playing though, dude She picked me, who knows? It's important, man. We're the numbers. It doesn't matter. Like five people.

All right, cool. Right? And we were in the B group, too. There was a group of like better looking kids playing and spend the bottle. On the inner circle and then you were in that outer circle. It had to be real pinpoint. The ripraft.

We didn't even have a bottle. They got the bottle. We got like a two liter that still had some sprite in it, right? So anyway, it landed on her. like, I'll kiss Theo, and I was like, oh, my God, bro. And everything that I ever wanted in my whole life was just climbing up and down my neck. Get that bottom lip ready, girl. I feel the devil just fucking tickling my pussy inside of me.

Okay, okay, all right. So anyway, all good, go ahead. I'd seen on the Skinnamax on the kissing show where people open their mouth when they kissed, right? And they do. And in my mind, I'd built her up to be like this goddess, you know, she knew all about sex and everything. She didn't know anything when we're fucking children, you know. So I went in, like, mouth open. That's what I do still.

CPR. As wide as I could, bro. And everybody, yes. Yeah. Every, that's exactly what somebody said. I fucking got onto her face. And somebody goes, he's trying to eat her. No, I want to fucking hate her, man.

Swear, bro. And it fucking crushed me, dude. And everyone started laughing and probably fucked up the whole mood, dude. And it was my one chance, bro. My whole life had come to that moment of, like, a trash. active girl liking me. There's only before and after that in your life. Yeah. There's the moment. There's before and after that. And that's why you do stuff like get defensive when I give you a compliment. Yeah, correct. It wasn't really a compliment. It was like you kind of offering me a compliment if I wanted it.

Okay. Well, I like your bracelets. Thanks, ma'am. I don't have any. I don't. Hey, dude, are you learning English? I like your bracelet. Yeah. You a robot? I enjoy your bracelets. Yeah. Well, I don't, I like your bracelets. I want to start wearing jewelry bag. But we're fucking talking about him eating a girl's face. I saw his bracelet in the bottle. Wristware. It's the first time I've seen him with wristwear.

No, he's been wearing it, dude. That's what that's still. He wears those. Yeah, always wear this man. Have you met Theo, dude? It's Native American. Do you have any Cherokee in here or something? I'm one-eighthastak.

There you go. So I'm just enough to fucking. Is that your pussy inside of you? Huh? The pussy inside of me is Aztec, man. I felt that, you know. He was just kind of hunt. Dude, I got that Aztec pussy in me.

Inside of me, he's just hunting, man. He was on an open range, man. Dude, I will fucking cut your ribs out of your body, dude. Yeah. Oh, that's great. But I'm beefy, though, but I'm beefy. Huh? Yeah, I was agreeing with you.

You're not beefy. I'm not beefy. The one thing you're not as beefy. You're tall, lanky. Shred city, dude. No, no. You're lanky. You have loose joints.

I don't. You're yoga, right? Wouldn't you say? But you're more prone for an accident. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Maybe. Oh, yeah.

But that's fine, dude, you live and learn. It's not that fine, dude, if you get in an accident. I let that hang out there because I'll put it there, son. I wanted you to feel how it felt. I put it there. You know what I heard? You know what I heard? I heard about that accident. I didn't hear what he said. I don't remember. And that's on you. And that's on you. I don't remember what I said. Speak with conviction. You know what I mean?

I told you what I said. There you go. That was like him learning English. That was like how you took in the bracelet thing. I do this thing, though, when I don't hear somebody, I have a fucking thing I do. I love figuring shit out, you know. You don't? Yeah, yeah, I do, dude. He really doesn't, but see how he says it? So we believe it?

Yeah, it's insane, dude. It's like watching a complete sacobath. How many coffees does he have sitting around? A lot. He has a backup coffee? I do, dude. That's my fuck. That's my understudy coffee.

How many coffees you have a day? Because he has like 50. Ask me again? Man, you guys are making me a day. What'd you say? How many coffees do you have a day? all of them I do this new thing

I do this new thing dude if I'm driving by and I see a Starbucks Giddy up you turn I get a coffee Gitty up you turn I don't know he is like this You're an addict bro

You don't much care about the kind of coffee You'll do commercial big I don't give a fuck bro As long as it's coffee You're gonna be precious about coffee Bro you piss me off with that shit I'm pressing Is it burn? Is it burn

Is it fucking give Who gives it shit bro It's coffee Yeah fucking drinky little fucking Yeah, swine. Yeah, dude. He didn't know what to call me. He didn't know what to call me.

So then he called me. Then he went to swine. I was going to say swan, but I decided different. Either way, I would agree with it. I like swan. See, I like, I feel like you were going to say sweet something. I like the original idea. Swine.

No, I'm sorry, dude. I'm being mean to you even though I want to be mean to Chris. That's okay, bro. That's how, that's, I fucking. It's the holidays, though, you know? You teflown. Yeah, it's true, man. I'm not being mean anybody, dude.

I love you guys. Happy holidays, man. Happy holidays, boys. And I think you look nice in that sweater, dude. And I think, Brendan, you look nice, dude. Hey, you guys, it's the holiday. Let's all say one nice thing to each other. Okay.

All right, you go first. Wow, that was not even nice to start. You don't even sound excited about it. No, I'll do it. Who goes first? See that? He says that. I'll do it.

It's not like, yeah, I'm doing it. Yeah, I'm fired up, dude. Brennan, you go first. Okay. You have to say something, and you have to be sincere about it. You have to say something nice. I mean, you're not getting off to a good start on this. I know, dude.

See, that's not nice. You're right. Hold on. And the rule is, without laughing, you have to look the person in the eyes hit really sweet. Just getting weird. Yeah. It's getting real gay. We're practicing vulnerability.

Ready, go. Wow. Amazing. By the way, remember the fucking Rogan thing? Remember I told you I used to do the fucking serious singing with my friends and shit? This guy brought it on Rogan. It was like... I didn't get that from you.

Hey! I didn't get it from you. Oh. On TMP! I don't remember it. Yeah, bro, because you're fucking... No, that was always my old joke. And this guy's like...

That was always my joke. This guy's like doing it on Rogan and people like, oh, fucking this and that. And this guy's talking about the fucking thing about how I owe you royalties, bro. Yeah, you made you. No, you did it. Take that back.

Man, we're having a nice holiday cheered. I got a question. Come on, let's be nice. I got a real question. Yeah, ask it. I got a real question. What, bro? Has anybody ever seen

any pictures of Brian under 20 or were you made I have some of my phone bullshit Photoshop I think Brian was artificially created by the CIA He was made After I came out pronouncing CIA there too

I like that You were made the holidays bro I'm gonna send chin some pictures You were made after I came out Chris you have to say something really sweet to all of us Bro I don't realize most of y'all's conversations just wasting each other's time with complete bullshit This guy

This guy This guy This guy Have you listened to his podcast? Sometimes two lesbians Just hang out They thought that'll be a segment It happened in Cleveland

You delinquent We're fighting over a fucking One of those Duralogs outside of my window all night Just filled the air with bullshit But Callin wishes he could read books And talk about I do I do

I just didn't know what you guys were up to Man And now after I see it man I don't know how I feel that's fine hey take longer to get fucking pictures scroll through

pictures hey scroll through pictures I want to hurt under 20 it could take an hour to get there I want to hurt you hey can bring up

a black white picture of Brian as a kid black and white man back to fucking 1930 fuck off Chris what is that are you okay

I'm getting more too I'm getting more that's the new vaudeville like hey no it ain't dude I'm getting more two. You guys are freaking animals man and I love it. Chris, say

you have to say something really sweet about each one of them. No, we don't want to do that. You keep circling back. Yeah, I actually don't want to do that. I don't want to fucking do it either, you idiot. That's fine. We almost let them, yeah, yeah. We almost let them fucking talk into it, but we're their true alphas. Yeah, dude, fuck this all dude.

Am I right? Give me another one to do. What? I'll do it. Okay. Well, we've got to find it organically, but yeah, we'll fucking find it, you a little piece of shit. That's good. We'll get there, you old butt. Who are you talking about me? Nah, uh, bro. You gotta come harder than that.

That was like a seven. But he's big, though, so he can come a little softer. Yeah, that's like, I don't want to scare everybody. Yeah, that's true. Right, right, right, right. Yeah, it was good, man. Brian, you almost hit the fucking mic in your face there, how that looked pretty bitchy. Yeah, don't you even know what you're doing with your microphone today, buddy?

Yeah, sweet throat, bitch. Well, okay. That's rough. That's too hard on the pair. There I am. There I am. What? That's Photoshop.

That's 100% Photoshop. You know how I know that's Photoshop? You know how I know that's photo you? That girl I met the other day, she's that age. Yeah. Check out the bangs on Becky. That's Patty Jenkins. Oh my God, Brian, you were a beautiful young man.

I was a cute kid. You're still a handsome guy, man. Yeah. Wow. Look at the pussy in that boy. Now that right there on the left, right there, you're going over my act, right? No, no. That's my...

Bro, you get press on eyelashes in that photo? That is long eyelashes. Dude, check out the brows, too. I can see, bro. You know what you were, dude? There you are. You and Rogan looked very similar. you're younger. I know, we did. And then you guys went like this.

Yeah. We really did. You, uh, built the same and everything. Um, you guys were exactly the thing. Chris, that ain't, see they were right there. I would have pieced you the fuck up with bro. Bro, you were fucking 120 pounds. No, no, I was one. You're thin, dude. You're so thin. You're you're 140, huh? That left looks like Owen hard a little bit, too. Who is that? Skinny. I would have fucking, I would have, you know what I would have done? Scratched you up. I would have scratched you the fuck up. Was that mean? Just playing around. Oh, that's good. Do we have a kid. Do we have any young pictures of you? They don't exist.

I burn them off. I've seen his yearbook and it's a lot of stuff. You're like a baby pigeon. I saw his yearbook and I saw a photo, a scrapbook of his photos. And it's a lot of him in a musical. Yeah, I did musical. Oh, boy, did you do a lot of musicals. Yeah, I did.

You ever seen a musical, by the way? Yeah. Yeah, they're awesome. No, no, no, no. You know what fucking suck. You got to see him again. No, no, I do. I see him.

I fucking see him. You know what sucks? Plays. Fuck plays. musicals that's where it's at man you done plays yeah yeah I fucked with musicals like what musical I go out there and I kill it bro

I did dude there once was a man who served a term as office boy to an attorney's firm and you know he cleaned the windows and he swept the floors and handles the big front door he polices of the handle so carefully that in the rule of the queen's navy that's HMS pitiful fuck y'all dude

yeah dude hey man I put a sign up right in the front window advertisement right in front window and all of a sudden success coming out of the blue little shop of horrors fuck y'all I love little stuff no I like little stuff

Yeah, if you knew it, you would have sang along. Fuck, you know, I don't know like that. You know, when you did that song, there was so much spit gathering up on the NFL. Because that's passion, dude. Newsies? I don't know that one. What other musicals did you do, you fucking non-American? Greece.

Guys and Dolls. Who did you play Greece? Who did you play Greece? You know why I played. Fucking Kinniki, dude. I didn't go mainstream. No? You played Kinniki?

I played Kinniki, dude. Wow. Wow. Yeah, dude. Yeah. Every fuck. He was a theater nerd. I was not a nerd, bro.

Every picture was this nerd, this gangly nerd, just like, oh, like every picture. Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? You did that. Yeah, fuck, that one's not good. You don't know, bro. I've seen it a lot. I've seen it a lot and I've never liked it. You do Jesus Christ, Superstar?

No, I didn't do that one. Jesus Christ. That's blasphemous. Did you do West Side Story? No. Did you do the Three Wise Men? Did you do the, like, the manger scenes at holiday? No, no.

I think of the other ones that I did. Oh. Do rent? that one I really liked. No, but... Do you cats? No, fuck that one, dude. I hate cats, dude.

Do you ever see Hedwig in the Angry Inch? No. Have you seen cats, by the way? Oh, yeah. I went to the original one. When I was 18, I saw it on Broadway. It's bad. Really?

It's bad. See ya. It was just like, oh my gosh. They're cats. Memory is on a long. It's dangerous, too. Tortoise the Sliff is a pretty cool cat. I got to slip out, guys.

I love you, like your seat, man. I love you guys. Merry Christmas, bro. You're the best. Thank you coming in. Oh, let's get a picture of making the podcast better. Yeah, thanks for me stop in.

And, I'm sorry. Theo's opening for me at... Theo's not opening for you, man. You're going to be in Boston. I was a young wartime. You called his names and you got Africa. Happy holidays. Okay, and we're back.

So what are we doing here? You said you like guys. Dude, nobody was listening. You go, I'm into guys. And I spent, obviously. I'm into guys. I don't care, man. I'm into my room.

Man. I tried a new thing, man. I'm gonna fucking, ever since, ever since April of last year. Well, what guys? Like, what kind of guy? Like, what your style? I like, like, the, like, the, like, the mystery type guys where you're like, oh, but they walk into a room and you're like, what's a deal with that guy's outfit? I mean, of those guys, you know.

Oh, that makes sense. All right. Well, let's do some. Let's do some. I do coke. Hey, man. You're dropping some pretty. I have.

I love it, I love you. Me? Yes, I love you. All right, what do you got, Jankat? Okay, so this woman is a teacher. She taught in a middle school and a high school. She was recently charged for sending one of her former students nudes through Snapchat. She was also Miss Kentucky at one point.

And her excuse was that she was trying to send a nude photo of her through Snapchat to her husband, but accidentally sent it to one of her students. And when he responded, she freaked out and sent him more. Oh, she's full of shit. Obviously, be better at lying. But also, does she deserve to go to prison for two years? For sending a teenage boy, 10th. Well, how old was she said it?

She said it more? 15, yeah. Oh, that kid's probably, that kid's probably damaged for the rest of his life. Or he has jacking material for... She sent him more? Yes. But here's the thing. She sent it through Snapchat.

Why does she have her student Snapchat? Yeah, well, that's weird. Yeah. Let me see her body. Dude, if I'm 15... That's amazing. And this history teacher sends you those tits? Yeah.

You'd be stoked. It's very strange to me, though. It's such a weird thing to do. Wait, hold on. Wait, she won an award? It's a strong core. She was 2014, Miss Kentucky. That's a strong core.

Kentucky, not exactly that competitive. All right, man. You said that three times. Yeah, no, I heard you the seventh time, and I've ignored it. It's just a strong core. Very SpongeBob-ish. But hold on a second. How did it come out?

Like, how did they... The boy's mother ended up finding it. Finding it. What do you mean? The Snapchat goes away, right? How they... He probably saved it. You can screen record, take screenshots.

Wow. You got to know that that's going to happen. Some people do some crazy shit. Yeah, he says, teens' parent reportedly found. The photos on his phone, which he saved from Snapchat. Also, Mom, quit being a cockblock. Who knows where this would have went, you know?

Am I right, fellas? I mean, odd. Why have your student, why have a 15-year-old? Why, yeah, the whole thing is just... He sent a picture of him. Two years in jail? It's weird. It's weird when it's a girl, an older girl, too.

Hey, Tukashi 6-9 got two years. I know, I know. For drug trafficking and fucking... Attempts to murder. Conspiracy to murder. But didn't he snitch? Yeah, but, dude, this is. just a teacher. Yeah, yeah, I got you. I got you. Yeah. But if it was a guy to a girl,

it would be way worse. That's different. That's the world though, isn't it? That's different. No, no, I understand. It's just fucking weird. It's so weird that she would do this. Yeah, that is weird. Is it? Yeah, it is weird, man. What girl, anytime any girl dates any younger guy, I think it's fucking kind of odd. Well, especially, do what you want. If you're 15, it's way. Yeah, but even if you're like, 21 and a girl's 35, I'm like, I always think that's so unorthodox. That is just, I I wonder what that's all about. It's disgusting. Well, I don't know if I'd go that far.

Dude, I thought we were bonding on it. Well, I like you. You're using strong words. Yeah, you're right. All right, well, what else you got? Shout out to that teacher. Camia Cabella? Apparently, she has a bunch of old tweets that are...

Here's the thing. I don't know... She was 14. But I don't know what... What did she say, though? Brian doesn't know. I'll show you a bunch of the stuff here. You seen these?

On Twitter. No. I looked for them last night and I couldn't find them. Well, let me educate you. Okay. Hit it, Chin. That's not one That's her, right?

Yeah And she was young So she was 14 And this was she posted on her thing 14, okay Oh those are the things She posted Chicken

It's basically all memes I couldn't find it It's all memes This one here Okay Damn it Yeah I can't You can't

You can see him from there You don't have to click on him So there it is right Oh okay Keep going This one was I'm not gonna say But said a piglet

It says the N words Oh It's a lot of racial shit Oh Jesus Christ A lot of the N word Especially Yeah So she would read tweet these

Or reblog them or whatever Remember that game And then she put Yep And then this one And then good thing Ninja rhymes with Ninja Or this rap shit would be hard

Not good So And then this one This one's bad It says Rihanna's IQ is 117 can you beat her And then it shows Chris Brown That says already did

that that's a different thing yeah that one's different but the other stuff is like this is possible to how so she was 14 she thought this was funny you know and as a kid but but you were 14 I was 14 did you I'm not saying she should lose any jobs

she's 14 I would have people make mistakes even at 14 I knew I would what I would have never she's not white I mean she's not black she's white no no she's Cuban she's Cuban yeah I would have never when I was...

Chin, you got to quit clicking on the pictures, bro. Not working, though, you know? Someone worked. Not one's worked yet. Are you serious? We can go back and look at them. I don't see him, dude. I don't know.

This is very strange. She was 14. What did you say, Chris? That'd be good footage on the podcast. Just going back to see what. Yeah. Yeah, no. It's tough.

We'll do several podcasts on that one. No, that, yeah. Yeah, no. I don't know. She shouldn't lose... It's a weird thing when it comes to humor, like, because she should... when you're at the the shit that I thought was funny when I was 15 I don't think it's funny now

but but I never saw race but no I agree with you there's no racist shit I think she's 14 years old to wash only because we better be careful about you're talking about a real child right God knows 14 who doesn't know like yeah maybe in her circle that that's how they joke yeah at 14 we have to just allow it's why when you kill somebody at 14 literally your tribe as a minor typically and you and you and you by the time you're 18 you're It's kind of expunged from your... Also, here's the other thing, too. Now she's an adult.

She's, what, 22? She's done a lot of stuff, like, for equal rights and for, you know... She's done a lot of stuff. Yeah, you change. She's like... Get hold her feet to the fire. So what I'm saying is, if you're going to say, no, fuck, that doesn't matter, cancel her, then you're canceling somebody who does good stuff in society.

They're a different person out. As an adult, oops, oops, right? Oops, because I'm talking, right? but also oops Brian learns Yeah But you uh Yeah you can't

14 should You can't judge anyone Based off that old shit man Everybody makes Is she being judged right now What's going on? Yeah it was resurfaced She had to make an apology

Some girls saved all Because she took this down And then some Girl saved all And then resurfaced it It's a cancel culture right She's gonna be fine Yeah

And she put When I was younger I used to the language I'm deeply ashamed of We'll regret forever I was uneducated ignorant once i became aware of the history and the weight and the true meaning behind these horrible hurtful language i was deeply embarrassed i ever want you i ever used it i apologize then

i apologize again now i would never intentionally hurt anyone i regret it from the bottom of my heart as much as i wish i could i mean i believe i can't go back in time yeah i i yeah yeah i'm 22 i'm grown not grown at 22 but whatever but i mean i you know i i believe it she was a kid she was ignorant. She was uneducated. That's kind of the definition of a 14-year-old. I don't know what her circle was and yeah. Yeah. And she was trying to be funny and it was just shitty and funny. Yeah, it just wasn't funny. It just, yeah.

Yeah, it might have been different if she was like actually saying like serious. Yeah. And yeah. Serious. A hard eon. But even then I would have said, I would say, you're 14 and you are around the wrong people. That's what I'd say. You know what I mean? If you're 14,

somebody's telling you that stuff. You're very impressionable. Yeah. You're very impressionable. So, again, you're a child. So I think you get a pass when you're a kid, you just do. And she's not that person anymore. And if you don't accept an apology that I don't know what the person is supposed to do, kill themselves. I mean, yeah.

Yeah. What else you got? We got this from Chris Jackson of Pornhub. It's just a bunch of fun little facts of Pornhub in the past 20 years. Boy, hey, porn hub business is a boom man. It's up what? How much? First of all, 42 billion. 42 billion visits to Pornhub.

$15 million. is a day. Wow. And you know what the most, you know what the most common upload is? Incess. I do. I do. What is it? Step, incest. Mom? Well, no. Yeah, it's incest. No, it's not. No. What is it? Tits, basic

motherfucker. What is it? Amateur. No, it's not. It is. It's over there. Yeah, they want to see like. Boom. That's the list. And then alien number two. I know aliens. Who's Bella Delphine? Who the fuck would do the alien one?

Who's Bella Delphine? Dude, who's watched... Oh, that's the girl who is selling her bath water. Oh, I'll show her a picture. But all she does is, does she get fucked in the water? No, it's literally just her selling water that she says. She bathed in. Damn, she's making money then.

Well, they don't really make money off those porn sites. No? And she has weird... What the food? Does she get fucked in that tub or no? No, she's not a porn star. No, it's not porn right. She's just a huge troll that makes money off of guys who watch her.

Oh, wow. And she's the number two most searched. She's making ba-b-b-b-b-b-bangs. She's done number four. Hopefully those aliens are getting the sheer, man. Fem-Dom? Oh, Fem-Dom? Oh, my God, all this money. Apex Legends?

Oh, my God. Driving around a Ferrari's. Where I hit. Sure is number six. None of these appealed to me. Well, I guess amateur and PLV is cool. No, amateur's pretty fucking weak, dude. Well, yeah.

Yeah, true. PLV's cool, though, right? Depends who it is. Aliens disgusting. Yeah, that's weird. What is apiece? What's cost? I don't know.

And I... Cosplies where they're in... Is it possible... When they're in... Is it possible that they... Pornow put this out here to push some of their new stuff? Dude, you are such a conspiracy theory.

Oh, no. No, they have all the numbers. Why would... They don't care? I don't know. Most searched in terms of Japanese. Hentai, lesbian... Koreans are five.

Korean? Yeah. Stepmom. I like how big tits is still in there. It's kind of... Hey, but it's down. It's down, dude. Look, I like how they have...

at like stocks, like up and down. Keep scrolling down. Oh, squirt's on the way down. Joy. Dude, big black cock, up 11. Now where? BBC. Oh, cool.

I don't know that. Keep scrolling down. Most search porn stars. Mia Khalifa's entering because she doesn't do new porn. You just see her hits. She's like Jerry Seinfeld. You just see your old shit. Hey.

Fucking, I got it, man. I figured out. I wish I did this the whole time. Hey, bro, why are you relaxed? Wait, I'm going to get mad if he's doing that. Bruce Wayne. Why you so relaxed, dude? Cool, bell.

Bro. These are cool, cool. Look, Brian. Rock O.C. Freddy's out of that. Oh, you like him, dude. James Dean. James Dean. Dude, Brian Call, what Brian Callan's name was on there?

Mandingo's still rocking it. Boy, this, I drank that low carb beer. I do not feel good. I don't know any of these. Most viewed verified amateur models? Oh, yeah, they all have, like. You know, I looked at this. Chin, the email they sent us and he was like

the guy sent us, he's like, you're a big fan of the show and he goes, wow, United States jacking. But he goes the number one thing, man, is anyone can be a porn star now because the amateur's so big, so people are just uploading now. We got to do that. Dude, put a sex tape on there,

B. Uh-huh. What's a blast. With you. Yeah, I mean, if you find the right girl, I'm down. Spent per visit. Wow. This is actually interesting. What's this? How all around the same? Ten minutes? What kind of psychos watching for 10 minutes? Go down.

Russia, Russia's like, let's get in and out. Let's get in and out. Come on, get in there. Put it on, put it on. Oh, God. Oh, God. Okay, let's go to work. Time spent.

Well, Mississippi. It's funny that's all like 1110. Dude, Mississippi, fucking taking the sweet time. Damn, the South is really jack. The colder it is, the less they spend, that people are too busy. California's just not on there at all, huh? Favorite time to watch porn? Where are we looking at?

Boy, midnight? Yeah. What kind of savages are these? 4 p.m. Look how high that is. Whoa. Dude, if you want to be different,

jacket at 4 a.m. Yep. That's different. Yeah. Most food category. Japanese. What's up, bro? Hey.

Welcome to my podcast. Sit up. You guys heard congratulations? Sit up. I don't want to. Losing your energy. I do it. Give us the next one.

Give us one more. Just one more? Yeah. All right, the cyber truck. Let's see if I can get on this. You did go hard in the paint, dude. Did it go hard. You went super hard.

There's a knockoff. I saw this. Cybertruck. And I think this is in Russia somewhere, right? I think it looks terrible. Yeah. I'm going to beg. There it is.

You had seven coffees. You know what, dude? I'm going to go to sleep. Oh, you went hard. You came in hard and now you're... What? It's finished. We shit.

Oh, that's carry on. There we are. All right. Let's not end on that. I mean, the other one's just a sports one, but everyone's talking about this jump that Ronaldo did. Yeah, I educate these stupid fun. I see it. Of course, I've seen it.

But of course, I haven't seen it. I saw the best goal of the year. It's supposed to be. He probably has a 40-inch vertical. Yeah, it's an insane amount of height that he got. And this is the actual kick. Hold on. Do you know how much of a study is?

Watch this. He flew Kim Kardashian for a blue call and flew her back the same day. Right? That's good. You need a slow motion. I got the pictures one by one. So you'll see him. Oh.

The Instagram's the best. The pictures don't do it justice. Did he use the guy to jump? The slow-mo Instagram's the best. Where's the slow-in-in-it-ram? I don't know. It's all over, dude. You know, it's trending.

Right here. Jesus. And he gets the goal. Wow, that guy. Fuck, I. You guys ever heard of him? Rinaldo Christiano. Wow, dude.

Because you look like a premier soccer league. Look at that, dude. They look very similar to you. I should do, that's how I should come out on stage. And that's Brian trying to block it. No, dude, I would crush you at soccer, for real. Look at that. That's just from years of jumping, huh?

I mean, one of the best soccer players at all time, huh? All right, well, I'm done. Well, there you go. That's it. Come see me this weekend, celebrity theater. Chicago, I'll be in fucking New Year's Eve. If you're in Boston, make sure you fly to Chicago. If you're in Chicago, come to Boston for New Year's Eve, because I'll be at the Wilbur.

So you can choose Chris Lear, you can choose the guy who came, you know, Chris came from my ribs, so come see the real thing. You're going to be in Chicago? I don't even give a shit. Oh, man. Chicago, I got three shows at the Chicago Theater. How many tickets you do the math? You're doing one into Wilbur? Yeah, so far, we might add another one. You never know,

because tickets are going fast. Yeah, is that why you're promoting them on the podcast? I don't like that attitude I'm Oklahoma City next Friday and then I'm in Tulsa Hard Rock Casino on Saturday the New Year's comes up with me at Pasadena Ice House two shows 8 p.m. 10 p.m. shows Ice House the next year, January, I'm at Foxwood's Casino on the 10th

and I'm at Wilbur on the 11th or less than 50 tickets left. Suck it. Brian? Yeah, suck it. dude, suck it good, bro. T5K.com. Suck it good. Suck it. Is there anything else, Chris? You guys both on your fucking cell phones. I win. I win. All right, dude. This is the final kid. We're out.