The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 529 Andrew Schulz

Episode Date: August 16, 2026

Andrew Schulz fills in as guest co-host with Brendan and the guys talk Andrew's resemblance to Waluigi, Mexy Brendan, the purpose of Cheerleaders, ride or die women, nightmare opener stories, Nikki Glaser in Taylor Swift's documentary, J-lo vs Shakira at the Superbowl, Jay-Z and Beyonce not standing for the National Anthem and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. Oh, for sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken. Chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club.

Fight Club. Fight Club. Mm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onet's... Studios in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live.

No, no, we're not live. That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. But we're not live. We don't do it live, right? And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shot live.

This is not live. This is not live. Well, Kathleen, catlene's her real name. that fucking podcast. Catleen's, well, because your name's, like, birth name's Catlene?

No. What is it? Cateen. Catea. Oh, my bet. Wait, Mary. My bet. I was close.

C-A-T-I-E-N. See, that's where, where cat comes. I just, but they, does your family call you cat? No, no one calls me cat. Only me? Yeah, only work.

Oh, wow. Now, this might be, incensive. Is it, do they call you that because the L's are a struggle? pronouncing the L is difficult. Well, there's no L in my name. Right, they removed it.

Yeah. So, would Kathleen be a struggle? So they're like, let's just call you Cateen. Yes, probably. That's the etymology of the name. Etymology of the name, not exactly, but they do struggle with L. Is the name made up? No, it's Vietnamese.

Oh, it's a real name. Yeah, come on, dude. It's a real name. I grew up with black people. They make names up. That's a normal thing. 100%. What do you think his name is?

What do you think his real name is? Not even Alex. Stanley. It's Stanley? But what do they call you? Are you waiting for a banger, bro? They call me S curls. Something dope, man.

Dude, I like the... There's nothing better than nicknames, though. Like, I call everyone, like... What's my nickname? Shultz? You either have a name. nickname or your last name? If your last name is sticky, then you go last name.

Yeah, like, not everyone's like, oh, do you talk to Andrew? Not Schultz. Everyone talks Schultz. Or Schultz. Yeah, something like that. That's just the way it goes. It's like sports, same thing in the locker room. It's just like, no one's like, hey, Fred.

Hey, Brendan. Yeah. E.C. What am I in trouble? Last name, Shab. Shob. Oh, they called me, when I first got to campus, they'd call me Tony G. Because they thought I looked like Tony Gonzalez.

They thought I was Mexican. Okay. For the longest, they called me Tony. Yeah. Kind of offensive, whatever. It was offensive. Felt a little bit. Why? I'm not Latin. I'm not Latin. But you look Mexican. No, I grew my hair out, yeah. No, even that. Your face looks Mexican.

Really? Yeah, the top part. You look like a turtle pole. That's Native American, bro. Yeah, they're Mexicans, aren't that? No. I mean, that's what it came from. Mexicans are Native Americans. Yeah, I guess that's fair. Like, Aztecs? Any one of them from... From North America.

Mexico is a Native American and then the Spanish went there and then they became Mexican. What are you? White. You're not full white. I'm full white. My mom's from Scotland. Don't get whiter. Dude, you are not straight white.

You don't have some Spanish? No. I'm going to hook up with Wario or nothing. Wario? Bro, they say I look like Wario. Can you get that image up? Dude, they always say I look like it. Who says that?

Like these kids on Twitter, they tell. think that I look like, I didn't even know what it was. That's how fucking old I. How do you know who Mario is? I mean, Warrior, when I was a kid playing Super Mario Kart, Wario was like, how old are you? It's me, Wario. What?

How old are you? 36. I played the same Mario card. Wario was it? I'm thinking Wau Luigi. Wow Luigi. Yes, Wario. Mario's the guy in the purple hat with the mustache.

Yeah, but they made a Luigi version of Wario. So Wario's bad Mario. Oh, there you do. So if you look up Waluigi, that's who you look like? They say I look like that since I'm tall and skinny and I have a big nose. It doesn't look. Don't you have to go, oh my God, Jim? It's a fucking cartoon.

I don't look exactly like it. I thought that was Wario. Say what? I thought that was Wario. No, that's Waluigi. That does look like that. That's what I was referenced. That is me.

But you played him in what growing up. I played him. Like you played with him. No, I played as a character. Toad, bro. Come on. But I'm saying you were familiar with him. Not that character.

I don't know who the fuck that character tour was until people started telling I look like it. Yeah. I don't know why his nose is pink. Yeah, you don't look like I wouldn't think you're full white. Yeah. How'd we get off of you being Mexican? Or Mexicans being Native Americans? I don't know, dude. We're just trying to figure your life out. So here's the thing. You're not Jewish, though. No, everyone thought I was. I thought I would have to lie about when I first got to L.A.

Why? I remember I was doing this audition for E. And it was going great. And like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're talking about talking about Jewish stuff. Like, you're Jewish, right, Chob? I was like, no, I'm not. And they're like, Oh

Yeah, we'll call you We'll give you call back Really? Yeah, I was like, oh shit What was the show? What were you, What was the show about? I forget what it was called, man

Some sports show on E Uh-huh Something probably better It didn't happen Right But they wanted Jews for it Oh, I think they were like Oh, we got one

You know? Like, oh, he's cool There's Edelman and Shub The only Jews that we know They actually play with the ball You've been recording this whole time, right? Yeah. We should probably let the audience know Brian Callan is not here.

Oh, yeah. He's on set. So I sent out the Wario signal. Walloigi. Dude, I don't know Walla. Look at that. Look at that. It's the ears.

I looked at myself when we were doing this sketch and I looked at myself a little bit. And I had like this weird moment. I kind of look like a bat sometimes. You look like a bat? Yeah. I can never notice these things until the internet informed me. Like, I never thought I had big nose or big ears until like, I never knew. You thought your nose is normal?

Like, I know. I know. Like, I know my shirt. No one's inviting you and I to a cocaine party, bro. Do you have a single of his face when I said that? Dude, it was. You and me? How honkers, dude.

Wait a minute. Nose or ears? You have normal size ears. Well, they used to be big and then from fighting. They shrink. No. Your ears have grown in the middle parts. Yeah, but they can't grow.

anymore. Like your ears and nose are anything that grows as you get older? No, they don't. Yeah, they do. Come on with that. Look at all the old dude. Look it up, bro. I thought the rest of you shrinks and that's what's left. No. Your ears and nose are little. Old people get smaller. My dad is smaller than he used to be. But his nose and ears are on point, huh? My dad's got a piece, man. I'm not going to lie. He's got a piece. Beautiful nose. Strong. Yeah, you and I have noses, dude. You thought your nose...

You don't have a big nose. Dude, from the... You and me from the side, bro? But you know what is? You're so mexy in your face? that you don't notice it because you got some cheeks. You're Mexican, dude. You're Mexican, dude. You look Spanish and Mexican, bro. You're fucking Mexie over here, dude. You and I have noses, dude. I don't know if you got a nose. Like, look at mine profile. My profile should be on a bill. It's legit. I think it's a good. Look at it. They say women are more, uh, more attractive to guys with big noses. Is that right? Look at it. I'm pretty sure they're, they're attracted to guys with money.

I think he's sold Now if you have money and a big nose What's up? That's how I'm talking about That's what I'm talking about Smell you gold diggers I'm telling you In all seriousness

But in all seriousness I can't believe that you think That you got a piece And your ears aren't big either You have a face I have a lot of face You have a lot of face A lot of face

Yeah You look like a baby You think Yeah you know how like babies Don't have any shape Yeah it's like a lot there Yeah It's just all face

face. Yeah. Like I could mold it. Mine's all like condensed like here, almost like a pug and it's like a little forehead. No, you know who looks like a pug? You know, Janus? Yonis with Chris. Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, Janus. All of Janus's face. He was just here. I know. All of his face is in the middle of his face. Yeah, it's always strange. Yeah.

It's like somebody went like this to his face. Yeah, like he was on Photoshop. Yes. It sucks if you're a chick and that happens. Huh? If it's a girl, it's tougher go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I guess, yeah. It's, yeah, it sucks. Yeah. But he's still a good-looking kid this, Yonnell. Nice kid. Yeah. Yeah. Look at it.

Oh yeah, it is all right there. He looks like the nice guy in the world. Yeah, he's a sweetheart. He looks like it made the best year on New York. He was just the nicest guy. Look at him. We just learned what that was. Euro.

Euro? We called a gyro back home. So ridiculous. Why? It's Euro. Okay, Mr. Fucking Food truck confessions. We don't know.

We don't know about all the foods and all the perfect way. They started in New York, bro? What, the food truck? Yeah. Are you sure? I feel like they did. It feel like it was a New York thing. Are you positive?

And then L.A. was like, that shit seems dope. and then we took it over. And then, of course, we had to go all extra with it, and then real chefs were, like, in the back of those trucks. No, I feel like your cousins were out there in a corner making hot dogs outside the club. Mexicans? Yeah.

No, I'm pretty sure the Asians were the first ones doing hot dogs rolled up in bacon. I mean, maybe another type of dog, but I don't know if they were here. Yeah, you're right. Amsterdam, known as New York City's against. Yeah, there you go. New York City, first ones to do it. What's up, bro? Anyway.

Anyway, dude, where are you in LA? We're checking out the theater for the special. It's like the last time that I can look through it. How many times you got to see it for gutthakes? We saw it once so I could decide, and then we came one more time so we could just make sure all the lighting and everything else would be right

and how we wanted to shoot it and where the camera angles would be. And then you're shooting in April? April 11th and 12th, yeah. And you've sold out 77 shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We show it. Yeah, every time I get on the air,

like, we sold out another one. I got to let them know. I got to let them know. You do. You know what? I'm proud of you, man. It's fucking dope. Have you announced where you're gonna... Can't say just yet. I can't say just yet. Some people kind of figured it out, but

contractually I can't say. Well, there's only like, you know, it's not, it's like if you're an athlete, you sign with a shoe company, it's only like three that you'd sign with. Yeah. It's not that tough to kind of navigate through. You have a good chance of guessing. Yeah, yeah. Pretty good shot. Yeah. How about this? It's not Netflix. Yeah. Yeah. Shocking? Yeah, there you go. Is that? shocking guys? Yeah, there you go. Yeah. And then you take that an consideration that's like, all right, well, where else can he had to? Exactly. I can't say. I can't say. You can't say. When can you say? Um, I think in the next few months,

maybe even after we film it. I'm not exactly sure. Why, but I, but for a second there might have been Netflix, right? Are we allowed to talk about this? Whatever, whatever you don't want, but no, no, you talk about whatever. Yeah. I mean, there was, I thought you were actually, like last time we had lunch. They asked me to do it. Intertrainian. Right? You're Well, I was entertained degenerates. They asked me to do the degenerates. The 30 minutes. That 15 minutes.

They shrunk it down to 15 minutes. God, duh. Yeah, I know. And a bunch of funny comics did it, and I was thinking about doing it. And then we got this other offer. And then we told them about it. And they didn't want to cough up that bread. So if you don't want to cough up that bread, then you can't do it.

Simple as that, man. Put your money where your mouth is. Now what's up? You already $10 billion in debt. I know, what's another? What's another few million? I know. What's a big deal?

It's 10 billion. Well, it worked out for you, though, Doug. Everything's cool. Things been good? Yeah, man. Things are good, man. We're just chilling. How's Charlemagne doing?

Charlotte's good. Is he? Yeah. Charlotte's good. Did he go to Miami for the Super Bowl or no? No. No, he's a Cowboys fan. No, he's a Cowboys fan.

I think he stayed a little bit of... And I figured they'd fly him down and talk to somebody. I mean, he probably has like a million opportunities to do these things, but he's good. He's just like a diehard Cowboys fan. So it's just like heartbreaking every year for him. So he's all bummed out? Yeah.

Did you guys... Like his dad is like a huge cowboy I mean he is like amazing stories I think his dad is like banned from Cowboys games because he like brought a taser and like tase somebody Oh damn Yeah like really fun Die hard yeah and he thinks Dax

Is like the The answer? No I don't think anybody knows what the answer is It's not Dax and it's also not Jay Jones Is the owner Yeah It's not that

It's not him But how hard is it I don't fucking know What? What are you gonna say That's bro sciences Yeah Like, how hard is it to pick the team? There's only a handful of guys.

It's pretty fucking easy. I really don't think, yeah, it's like, I think it's, and maybe this is fucked up, but I really think it's all coaching. Remember when I came on here, we were talking about the wide receivers are useless theory that now is pretty common? What do you mean common?

It's a common theory now. Everybody agrees, it's useless. Y receiver are useless. And they'll pay them. Dime a dozen. No. You get them anywhere. I could get a bouncer from one oak.

and make him a wide receiver and then win a championship. Guaranteed. That's so insulting. 100%. That's so insulting. Name one. We said this last time. I know you don't remember more than 48 hours.

I remember. You look a fucking goldfish. Hey, hold up. You don't remember shit. But your point doesn't stand up because KC. had the best group of receivers and they won the Super Bowl. Name more than one. They had Watkins, right?

No. Yeah, they have Sammy Watkins. Oh, yeah, they do. Travis Kelsey. You know, he's a tight end. That's different. He's a receiver. basically. No, he's a tight end. It's different. He's

received him tight end. He's receiving Tide. But he's still dead. That's the other thing. He still blocks. Listen, they had Tyre killed. The only reason you know him is because he kicked a girlfriend in the hotel. That's the only reason you know. No, he's not the one that kicked the girlfriend. They both kicked. No, Kareem. Kareem Hunt beat up his girlfriend, I think. And then Tyreek just broke his son's arm. Say what? He broke his son's arm. Well, how? Remember that? But how. I don't know. I think it was something with a girl, too.

That's how I know football players. Did you beat a girl? I won't know you. Yeah, that's fair. You know, or if you're like a mass murderer, you're like an Aaron Hernandez thing. Did you see that? The doc? Yeah. Yeah, what'd you think? Here's my problem with the dog.

I think he's gay? No. I don't think he was gay. And now all of a sudden he can't defend himself because anyone's getting out. I bet he's in heaven like, what the fuck? Bro, that's the best troll. What is this? Release Tyreek Hill and his fiance discussing his son's broken arm.

This got him in big trouble. Yeah, but you don't want to break your son's arm. Well, he was like discipline him. It's pretty fucked though. Yeah, but you're not. snapping in half. If you saw him to the ground breaks his arm, you fucked up, dad. So there's a thing.

Like, how much can you discipline your kid? You have kids. Can't do that. So you don't... I don't hit my kids. Do you spank them? Nope. I think it's cool.

I'm not to. Read a book. But they're not old enough. No, I'm saying for parents, read a book. Oh, read a book. It's well documented. There's been so much research on it by hitting kids. That's not, they don't respond to that.

They're just scared of you. I don't think you hit them after a certain age. But you know how like when a dog shits on the rug, you got to like put his face in the shit to let him know that you don't do that? Yeah. Right? Because they don't speak English. Right? Sure.

So when the kids don't speak English yet, you have to like find some way to say bad or good. They know from your intention. They can feel like the tone of your voice. You think? 100. I know. Okay. I mean, here I am teaching how I'm a parent and I've never had kids at all.

Now we'll see if my kid ends up like Aaron Hernandez. But maybe that's a thing. We'll see. Maybe kids are a little bit more anxious now. Maybe things are a little bit more fucked up because they don't know the punishment. to break in the rules. Yeah, because parents are kind of soft these days. Parents are soft.

Well, you spank kids, he didn't call the cops. Wait, what? I mean, kids call cops on their parents all the time. Because they know the cops can come to the house. That's absurd. Yeah, America's soft. You should be able to hit your kid to a certain extent. Not...

Have you ever seen a parent hit a kid in like the, like in the market or something? Yeah, dude. It's so intense. Jesus Christ. On the subway all the time. Yeah, it's so intense. Is it? Yeah.

I mean, I'll be honest. If the kid is loud and the mom does it, part of me is like, all right. Hey, thanks. Co-sign. There you go. Like, you can't be too supportive because that's her business. But at the same time, you can be like, we appreciate what you did. We appreciate how you made a choir, how you made the subway ride more pleasant.

I'm trying to listen to this fucking mariachi brand and this kid is screen. Yeah, I feel, yeah. But back to Andrew Hernandez, that documentary, here's the problem with documentaries. They get done. Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, they spun it the way they wanted just for TV. 100%. his fiance was like he wasn't gay and he wasn't that bad of a dude

even Brendan Dassey was making a murder he's all I'm not really that stupid it's just what they want to do or did you watch chair the cheerleading one no I didn't that one's good dude clown on it that one's good no this guy right here Mark loves cheerleading dude good Matt talk good Matt talk bro you like oh did you watch chair hold on did you just use wait wait hold on that's cheer what was your lingo that talk you have cheer lingo well that if you watch cheer that's what that's that the number one guy, forget his name Jerry. Alex, he was so positive.

He didn't make the team, but he would stink. And just clap. I don't even understand cheerleading. Can you explain why we have it? I don't know either. And I'm really not that big a fan of it. What's the point? Like, what are you competing at?

Why can't you just dance? Why do you have to, why do you have to smile more? It's evolved into like Cirque do Solet. Like they do these pyramids now. Yeah. And you want a perfect score. If you mess up, you get points docked. Yeah.

But I don't understand the goal of it, right? Like the whole point of... Perfection. No, but before that, like the whole point of cheerleading was to root on the football team, right? Or the basketball team. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. Okay. So no basketball team, no football team. Why are you doing it? Entertainment, man. But it's no point. But they're going, let's go. Who?

Who let's go? Oh, they don't say let's go now. But they're not saying, let's go now. No, that's out. There's no panthers. There's no panthers. Nope, now there's not that. It's like a Diplo remix and they're just fucking pyramid.

Okay, so there's no like, go, gee. It's like, barong pyramid. And then fucking, yeah, that's what they do, dude. Mexicans, huh? Yeah, you got a lot of references, dog. I'm telling you, bro. It's so intense. You would have put the fucking headstone on that pyramid.

The biggest Mexican had to go up and do it. The cheerleading, though, it's, I don't get away from this. Hey, don't get away from this. I want to something. Let me ask you something here, though. Hey, just pick a Jewish name. You'll figure it out in Hollywood. That's what you hear.

That's what you in your family said for you. No, for real, this is the observation I had to my girl. Yeah. Why are all, wait a minute, is your girl Mexican? Oh,

yeah. I think we're on to something. I think we're on to something. Friend. Born and raised. Why are all gay dudes attracted to cheerleading? And also, because they're like,

also being flight attendants. I think that move is like, if you're gay and you haven't done that, I don't believe you're gay. And most of cheerleading is just Dude, I'm telling you got to watch, not the message You're gay, you didn't know about cheerleading And you saw a bunch of people just going

You're like, you're like, fuck yeah, dude It's weird, huh? You kidding me? That's my shit. I've only met one straight cheerleader in my entire life. He's a comic, Chappelle Lacey. Do you know Chappelle at all? Yes.

Yeah. Black kid. He was a cheerleader for Louisville. Really? Like legit cheerleader. Could he hit it? He apparently could hit it, but he can, and he's just throwing chicks up in the air?

Yeah, he was like, dude, I get so many cheerlead. chicks from it. I'm like, well, you're the only straight dude. Yeah, but that's like being the straight ballet dancer. Like I'm saying. Everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's a tight move if that's your thing. Yeah, it's smart. It is smart. It is really smart. You sneak your way into some pussy. That's actually genius. Isn't it smart? Yeah. But then you got to, you know, I mean, your boys are like, what's happening? Would you rather fuck every girl or like tons of girls and have every guy think you're gay or fuck a few girls and have every guy think you're straight? how the fuck all the chicks and have guys think I'm gay?

I don't give a fuck. Really? My friends would know I'm not. What do you care if the internet thinks? But what if your friends do think you're gay and they're a little bit concerned because you're a big fucking gay? I'm a big bear. You're a big fucking gay. If you wanted it, it's yours.

Yeah, you're right. I'm a bear. Doc. What would you be? You're not a twink. I'd be a twink. No, you're not. Why not?

Too big for a twink. Twinks are small. Twinks are small. What do you mean, dude? Is it there's twinks and what? There's otters? I heard that on a podcast No, that's right.

They got to label them. There's bear and there's twink. Yeah. It's in the middle. Is it otter? There's a bear. There's an otter. There's probably a list of this somewhere.

But there's all these different names. They have all these animal names. Ooh, what's a wolf? What's your body type? Let's see it. What fucking sight is this? Okay. Otter.

Wolf. Lean, muscular, semi-hairie. Any age. Joe Mangonello. That's not me. No, that's not you. Bear, we know what that is, Cub, husky, young or younger looking, no.

Hey, what's a bull? Super built. Maybe, wait, what is it? Maybe some hair. Age and the age. Dwayne the Rock. Doug, you, dude, be honest. Do you think you're a bull?

No, do you think you're a bull? I don't think so. No, no, no, I'm not. I'm not super built, dude. No, no. When you think about yourself, like how you identify. Yeah. Are you like, I'm a bull? No, never.

What do you think you are? Look at this list. A. I'm between a chub and a bull. I'm a chubby bull. I'm a chubby bowl. I don't know what I am. No, you're an otter wolf.

What is it? I'm an honor wolf. You're a mix between an otter and a wolf. Lean, muscular, semi-haired, any age. But Joe Mangonello is fucking massive. He's ripped. Dude, he's not a wolf. You're a wolf pup.

I'm a wolf pup. Yeah, you are. I'm a wolf pup. Leen muskers, slender, young, Joe Jonas. I'm kind of hair. I got a hairy ass. Very hairy ass.

And I've always wondered how the gays feel about that. Is there like gays that like, you know how like there's some guys that are into like bush, they're into pussy hair, but like are there gay guys who are like ass hair, but? 100%. Really? I would assume, right? They have their flavor, man. I guess, dude. You know, I have no issue with it, but that is disgust.

It is, though, isn't it? It's tough. It is. Dude, a Jim Bunny? Sculpted under 50? A jock? All right. A twunk.

A twunk. Is it wrong? Hey, here's a question. Is it wrong? I don't think anything's wrong with being grossed out by sex that you're not into. No. Like, you should be almost because that's what makes you the sexuality you are. Yeah, like some Asian porn disgust me.

Wait, what? Some Asian porn disgust me. Like the coronavirus and stuff? Wait, what? Like scat babes? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You might be a guy and a girl. That's disgusting.

If it's a guy and a girl shitting on each other. Yeah, but that's less about guy and girl. That's more about the shit, I assume. Or are you looking at the guy and girl part and be like, ugh. Nope. There's only two dudes shitting on each other. Yeah.

Let's get a new guy in here. Yeah, I don't know. But you're a wolf pup. Mm-hmm. And I'm a, what was that? A chubby bull. Chubby bull. Chubby bull.

I love it. Thick bowl. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I don't know. I think about that. A thick bull, dude. You're a little thick bowl, dude. A big bull.

Yeah. I think, like, stocking, like. You just think shredded. All my phone. No, and I think, like, fucking, you know, like odd job or some shit. Asian. Stachy, like, stocky and, like, muscular. No neck.

Like, that's a little bull. Right. Right. That's a pit bull. Oh, you're right. You want like a bull bull. Yeah. Like a big old horns.

Right? Like they do that thing where their hoof, pets of sand. God, they get all sorts of cool names for straight people. There's not, well, I guess there's some. Well, what do we name? I don't think we name girls, right? We just like. Oh, we name girls?

Hot, fat. Lot lizard, chubby. Lot lizard? Mm-hmm. What is a lot lizard? A lot lizard? Yeah. Like a girl.

Like a girl hangs around like. truck stops, sucks off the boys after a long road trip. Why are you saying this in a tone that I should know it? I mean, around it. In L.A., it's pretty common term. Or in Midwest, you travel enough? No, no one's ever been, never, you know I heard it's only called a lot lizard? No.

Oh. My uncle and my grandpa were a truck drivers. Really? Yeah. Get out of here. Lot lizards, man. What were they shipping up here? Fucking Corona's and shit?

Who knows, dude? Who knows? Who knows? You never heard the term Lotley? No, I never heard of it. I guess you would in New York though.

Yeah. How could there's nothing? There's no trucking on the road enough. Yeah, lot lizard. I love it. Lot lizard. So how would you describe a lot lizard? Lot lizard,

Cardio Bunny, uh, lot lizard. Trash, uh, let's see, prostit frequent truck stops. Hmm.

See him around like those coming goes, no pun intended. You know? Yeah. Gas stations. Yeah. A truck in life. The truck in life is...

It's rough. They're podcast listeners, though. I bet. They're on the road. Yeah, 12 hours. Yeah. Just rough. I've always thought those cabs were cool, though.

I have one of those 18-year-old cabs. Me too. And sleep in the back? Yes. Me too. It's like camping. Yeah. Yeah, dude.

I've always thought it's dope. Would you ever do tour bus? I've been thinking about it because, like, Bert does one, Tom's done one. Uh-huh. I don't guess you do one. I don't do well if I'm on the road too long. I get back because I have a family.

I get horrible resentment for being gone. Like my kid has his first soccer game on Saturday. I'm doing Stanton Columbus. So I missed a soccer game. Granted, they're basically wrangling cats and he hasn't figured it out yet. Right. But still,

I can coach better than whatever dude was there. Oh, you want to be involved like that? A little bit. Like if he's fucking up, I know what will work for him close to him trying to experience it for his first time. How important are firsts?

You always hear people talk about that with their kids. Like, first, I want to be his first day. school first this first that I don't know if I really remember my parents at any of my firsts because they weren't there my parents were so involved oh you had good parents yeah me too my man see it works out I know it's all right dude really works out to come from freaking the gutter to make it dude I know that's what they always say with like comedy great what we had a little bit on it but when did comedy get this fucking reputation that like

you had to be molested or like beat up or something or have an alcohol problem or drug problem it's like no how many funny people have you met in your life that are just like funny yeah How many of those people you met with alcohol problems and depression that aren't funny at all? Yeah. They're just way more of those people than funny people. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a good point. Comedy for a while, though, was super dark. I think it was. And I also think it was like, you know how like nerds are trying to like carve out their version of comedy now? They're like, well, if you don't do this, it's not, it's not funny. It's offensive, whatever it is. It's just because they can't do it, right? So like if you can't do something, you just set the parameters around what you can do.

Yeah. Right? It's like white guys, me like, yeah. There's no dunk in the NBA. Yeah. All right, I guess we won't dunk. Exactly. No, exactly.

You're just trying to set the parameters, right? And so maybe there was a time where, like, comics were setting the parameters around comedy where, like, you had to have all this, like, fucked up shit going on in your life in order to be you. I mean, like, fucked up shit is relative. You know, like everyone has their struggles. Like, even if...

Everybody in America, like, we complain and bitch about all this shit in here. It's like, it's nothing compared to the rest of the world. Like, go to India. It's fucking nothing, dude. I know, but that doesn't work, does it? Like I can watch all those sad videos, but from my point of view, like what I'm dealing with at the time is stress. That's what I'm saying.

Everything's relative. So your stress is relative to your situation. Yes. Right. So here in America, if you don't have AC for a week, you're freaking the fuck out. How could I live?

And then people are like, well, we've never had an AC. We don't even know what NAC is. And you're like, oh. But that's trauma to you. Exactly. So people go, oh, did you grow up with a traumatic traumatic childhood?

I'm like, when my dad was there, my mom was there. They were divorced. But you might have had your shit. Yeah. When I think back on things. You look in the mirror every single day. Fucking knowing you're Mexican

and the rest of your family's not. You know how hard that is? Especially growing up in Colorado. Colorado, homes? Colorado? Yeah, it's all right. Were you in Colorado for the school shooting? The big one, the Columbine one?

Yeah. Yeah, man, I was in ninth grade and our school shut down. Big deal. Whoa. Because it's Columbine. So that's Arapaho. So that's like, I don't know, 10 miles from me?

We're like the weirdos? Did they come to school the next? day with a little like pep in their step? We were off the next day because there was a threat on our school. Like there was like so you know how the losers when you know when this shit happens they get on the internet and they sent out a list of schools that are next and we're on that list. Whoa. We didn't have school like the next two days. Okay. But then when they came back was everybody like polite to like the weirdos? Was there like no they beat the shit out of them. They went right at them. No just kidding. Oh fuck. Um, um, it's a good strategy. I just remember

like even the weirdos were like you know they might be weird but they're like god damn man. That's a little No one wore a trench coat. Tell you that right now. Trench coats were out. Yeah. Trenchcoats haven't been in in a hot second. Yeah.

How is that even useful attire in Colorado? I don't know. I feel like Colorado's like a winner jacket. Yeah. I mean, it should have been a dead giveaway wearing the fucking trench coat, man.

The black trench coat? Yeah. But they did it for a reason. They got it from some movie. But also those fucking parents, they got to take a little bit of responsibility. Kids in the basement fucking mapping out this fucking thing

for months. You don't go down there and peep it out not once? Mm-hmm. What are you doing, man? Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know what to do. You don't look at the pants, like, what the fuck? No one went down there? They're just down there for six hours, playing rab ass all night?

How much do we blame parents? And your kids are coming up in trench coats and fucking mascaraa? You don't have an issue with this? Listen to fucking Navarra. Nirvana, dude? Nirvana, dude? Nirvana. Nirvana.

I almost said Dave Navarro. He was also in the band, though. You know what I'm saying? Like some parents aren't taking a little responsibility. You got to check in. So that's the thing. Like, what is it? When is it a parent's fault?

How much can you hold a parent responsible for with their kid? That gets tricky. If we know it is their fault, why can't we like send them to jail for it and shit? But is it their fault? If it's just negligence? Like them just being like, I was working. What do you want me do? I was working.

Him and his buddy were hanging out down there. I thought they were making robots. Yeah, I don't know. Look, I'm not saying I have the answers. I'm just saying that there is a situation where, Like, we have no problem blaming, let's say if a girl's a whore, right? Whose fault is it? No one's.

No. Whose fault is it? No one. She's a good girl. Whose fault is it, Chen? Her dad. Thank you. Daddy issues.

Or she just has a positive attitude. Listen. It's an experiment thing waiting to find the right one. Did you get in trouble last week with like the Women's March or something? What's going on? What are we over-crack them for here? I'm not over-cracked for anything. I don't have a problem with the host.

You're trying to hate off. I don't want the host to listen. I never said it was hateful. I'm all, hey, listen, if you want to do it, that's fine. Because if guys are hosed, everyone's like, yeah, get them, dog. But if girls, like, how dare you? But that's the thing. If guys are hosed, nobody's like, where was his mom?

Yeah, I know. Right? Like, did his mom not go to basketball practice? Like, there's no recourse. Like, if a guy shoots up a school, it's never the mom's fault. Like, anything happens to the daughter, right? We have this weird thing where it's like, oh, the dad should have been that the dad. Oh, you dad didn't love you, dad did, whatever.

And then when the fucking. shoots up a school or does anything when he's just a fucking loser he's a piece of shit no there's no there's nothing it is interesting it's like always the internet's the blame yeah when the guy does anything it's always the internet's to play him

when the girl's anything it's the dad's the dad because that the shooter's always in the forums and like he's with these other toxic soles where's your mom well the mom can't be checking like hey honey your friends being nice today get in there yeah get in that chat room bitch okay but here's the thing though the parents even you know they're like well he was

always like this. He must spend on drugs or it was a cigarettes. Like did you watch uh, did you watch Don't fuck with cats? Not yet. Everybody's telling my girls into this. Everybody's telling me about this thing. How do you not see this shit, dude? Dude, I'm busy man. Don't fuck with me too, but don't fuck with cats? I don't care about cats. You can fuck with them. Then you like it. I want to do

another comment. Then you like it. You can fuck with cats. Well, he fucks with all the cats. What does he do? He kills him? Yes. They got lives, bro. Not these ones. They got nine fucking lives. Not these ones. How do we know that? Because these ones didn't get out of the bag that they went, what? Yeah, it's intense. He put them in a bag?

Yeah, and then like crushed the bag. He's terrible. And then murdered a dude. That gets a little far. Yeah, he took it to that. That gets another level. But like, here's my point though. How did he kill the guy?

You got to, I don't want to split all for you. Yeah. Like, sliced them up. Anyways, the point is, the point is, the point is, Brendan is a wild motherfucker. Even not mom. A wild motherfucker fucking.

Even that mom with the kids. Slice them up. Anyways. Anyway. You hit that cheerleading. Anyway. Anyways. Good Matt Todd.

Go Navarro. Anyway. Anyway, but even with that kid committing all those murders, we have, we have tape. We have videotape. We have a whole chat. Even the mom was like, I still don't think he did it. Oh, that's another. She defends them.

Amazing thing about women. Down-ass bitches. They're the most down-ass bitches. And their love is so fucking. What is it called? Unwavering. Unwavering. There's a word for it.

What is it? Faithful. Your mother's love is... Unconditional. Unconditional. A father's love is conditional. You think? Yes, 100%.

Really? 100%. Your dad's... He's only loves you because you're successful? I think if I was cutting up human beings, my dad be like, hey, bro, chill it out. Yeah, I agree. Stop. But mom's down.

Mom is, well, what did that person do? What... There are situations... What did she do to my baby to piss him off? 100%. Think about it. And I looked at it. I noticed this with jail shows.

Right? About how amazing women's love is. Have you watched one those jail shows? I watch all. Name one. Okay. You watch a girl one? Do you watch a girl one? Yeah, 60 days in? Six days in? Doesn't matter when... Six days in isn't enough. I'm talking about like longer term. Sure, what do you got? My point is, how often do you see their boyfriends or husbands visit them?

Never. Because once you commit a crime, you're single. You're single. This is great. It's conditional our love, right? If you decide to murder someone and go to jail, you broke up with me. You made that decision, right? Now, these girls, not only will they stay with their man while they're in jail for murdering tons of people,

they'll meet a guy in jail sometimes. And stay faithful. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable. It's insane. It's mind-boggling. Look at her Hernandez's girlfriend. He killed her sister's boyfriend.

And then she sat over here and was like, well, I don't know what the fuck shit. He was talking. It's like, what? More women need to be like that. That's what I'm saying. She's an example of women. She's an example of a ride or die strong woman. To the fullest extent.

Dude, how about from prison? She got rid of a murder weapon, B. He calls her. He's like, hey, yo, the other safe. Take care of it. And then they got this bitch on video. Strugging. Lugging.

Lugging it. Dude. I don't know what was in the garbage. That's what she said. I don't know what was in. You know where he put it? I forget. I don't know.

Some Kit Kat's in there. Dude. So. I'm telling you, there is a different type of love, man. Yeah, there is. It's a different. Different type of commitment, different type of love. And it's...

Here's the other thing. You don't hear girls snitching on other girls either. I feel like dudes are quick to snitch. Yo, here's the thing. Girls will snitch if your eyebrows are fake. Girls will snitch if your eyelashes are fake. Like, if you watch Bachelor with your girl. Or their hair.

She's snitching the whole time. Extension. I'm like, damn, I like her hair. It ain't real. That shit. You know... Honestly, one of the most fun things to do with your girlfriend or your wife. Sure.

I have a girl. I do it. Yeah. Any girl I know who's had tons of work done, fake tits or all that. kind of shit. Yeah, I love that shit. I act like they're real in front of my girl. hilarious. So she gets soap in. Oh my god. Your girl's all natural. All natural. Yeah, so barely wears makeup. She completely. Exactly. She's already upset these girls using PDs and shit,

right? So animal. Yeah. They're really on it. They are, dude. Juicing up. Antibar's real in the streets. Dude, I tell, I tell my girl, I tell my girl all the time. I'm like, yeah, I don't think Kylie's lips are fake. And my girl will bring up fucking images of her at like 13 to now. Heated. Heated, bro. It's so tight. Heated.

I'm like, no, you grow up. Like you're arguing. MJ LeBron. Heated. Dude. This is their sports. Yeah. It really is.

So yeah, there's a different type of fucking love. But they, I don't think they'll snitch on us. I think they'll snitch on, I think they'll snitch on other women. I do think they will. I don't think they have that same. They're catty with other women. They're catty, bro. You don't get female comics.

That's true. They really don't fuck with you. each other. Like, dude? And they front, like they do. How much do we support each each? Nah, son, this is the thing that we need to talk about. Because they front, they're like, we need to support women comedy. And you're like, who you support? We need to support women comedy. Like all these girls talk about, we need to support women comedy. And you bring up a girl who's killing it, like Ali Wong, and they're going to talk some shit. Where's this, we need to support.

Yeah. The most shit. We're dudes support pretty hardcore. Yes. Well, West Coast, y'all got it. Yeah. We're trying to bring that over. You guys figure it out. I'm trying to get them on board, you know what I mean? It's really just you. It might, you know, no, but this guy, Legion of Skanks guys really rock with each other. They support, you know, comedy in New York.

But it's, we're just getting, we just got to figure it out. Because guys back home, they don't know the value of support. You know what I mean? It's like, you don't know something to experience it. Like, you don't know that money won't make you happy until you got money. Yeah, but you would, like, if LeBron James tells me to shoot the ball like this, I'm going to start shooting the ball like that because it's successful. Yeah, but comics doing this.

and he's killing on the road with tickets. Yeah. And I don't give a fuck film in New York and Africa. I look at the L.A. guys, I'm like, damn, all these boys are selling the shows out? All these boys are crushing podcasts? Yeah. You know what it is? It's like, it's weird, right? What it is is when you have, they have like a, there's like a famine mentality out there because you can actually make money doing comedy in New York.

Like spots. Yeah. Like that's why you guys got rich. Money's all relative. Everything's relative. But like the West Coast guys, you guys all got rich because you can't make no fucking money out here. Right? Like, I remember once I did a.

spot at the Hollywood Improv great club and then she tried to make me sign a W2 or whatever a W9 for $7.50 cents she had two quarters in the envelope and I was like you good bro did you just shit your pants mark

I'm gonna build on the story here bro Jesus how are you guys doing New York you're excited over there take mat practice what was that shit Matt talk that was that Matt talk right there Good Matt fart So, I don't know, where was that?

You can make money out here. Like, if you do a show in the main room, you can, I mean, you can do it. No, no, no, no. What I mean, spot pay. So, like, there was a time in L.A. when I would come here back in the day, and it was like, you make $10, $10 for these just little spots, not headlining a show, doing 15 minutes. Yeah.

Right? Now maybe that money is going up. It's different, yeah. Right. But there was a time where it didn't seem like you were making enough money to sustain yourself, make a living. So you had to figure out acting or. Or the other things, podcasting, right?

Like, you guys, web series, writing. Like, everybody here was doing something else as well. And you found out how to make that other thing, you know, make you guys millions of dollars. So it's like, back home, I think was crippling is that comics in New York can make just enough money to survive. That's all they want to do. And I think inherently comics are lazy. I think the ones that aren't end up doing really well. But we'll do the least amount of work to get the thing we want.

You know, and if you ask a lot of comics, they're like, man, I just want to make a living at this. And motherfucker, that's all. you'll do. If that's where you said it, you're there. You won't go any, you might not even get there, but you will not go any further. So the worst thing about New York is often the best thing, right? The best thing about New York is there's all this stage time. There's all these guys that are amazing. The worst thing is that you can get the golden handcuffs. You can get all this stage time. You can just barely make a living. Now, if you're just barely making a living, do you have enough to share or help? No? Because if you take one spot for me, it's problems. It's like,

Well, how am I going to pay my rent? So now you're not really helping. Now you're really fighting for yours. That makes sense. Right? Whereas I imagine out here, you know, spots are still competitive, that kind of stuff. But guys are trying to get on the road. Guys are trying to open for people, et cetera.

So what I try to just get guys to realize is like, the comedy in New York is the gym. It has to be your gym. That is not your end goal. I know there's a lot of guys in New York are like, man, I just want to get passing the cellar. And that's going to be it. And it's like, I was just talking about a hotel last week. And I was like, that's the problem. the mentality is people just go, I want to be in the cellar, and then that's it.

And it's like, he goes, no, no, this is the gym. This is where you work out. You make your living on the road. Yep. You know, but it's like the OGs understood that. The older guys understood it. But I think the younger guys looked up to those OGs so much and they kind of just, and they had this romantic view of what that would be like.

So they stopped dreaming past that. And what I'm trying to get them to do is like understand what gets you past that. Because those OGs, though, that at the time. Nobody's goal should be to just do spots of the cellar. The goal should be. you just walk in and be like, all right, I'll do some time. Like my goal, even in the city, and there's a lot of great clubs in the city.

There's New York Comedy Club, amazing. The stand is really good, and obviously the seller, really good places. Gotham, right? Gotham is more of a headliner club. Those are like the headliner. You're not doing spots there? No, maybe I'll pop in.

I'll do like a comedy juice and so like that. But there's a lot of great stage time, but what I've got to get them to realize is this is a means to an end. Like I never in my whole career looked at the seller at the end. I was like, oh, I want to be here because it's always sold out and I can work out material more.

It was there for me to work out material. Even, I remember when I first got pasted there, and it was like, I was trying new jokes and people were like, are you worried about trying new jokes? I'm like, well, what's the point of being here? Yeah. How would I know if they work? Yeah, like I'm going to do my best, best shit for $25. Yeah.

Like, if we do the road, you know what I mean? You're making... You know what I'm trying to shit on the road. Yeah. I'll try shit wherever. But I guess my point is like, well, now, because you're, because you're, you know, you're you. But before, if you were younger, let's say you're headline your first two or three years,

you're on the road and you start doing bullshit crowdwork for 30 minutes. Be like, I'm not coming to this shit again. Fuck crowd work, yeah. I guess just bullshit. You know? Fuck that shit. That shit sucks, crowd work, man. Yo, you should never do that, guys.

Never do a whole special. Not now. Never do a whole special. Not now, dog. But when you first started headlining, like, you got to bring your A material, man. Yeah, no, you got a kill. Absolutely, you got to kill. And if you're not good at, you know, Crowherton, don't do it.

Or if you're not good at those types of things, don't do it. You got to murder. But that was my philosophy. It was just like, hey, I want to make sure that you want to come back next year. That's always what I'm thinking. Everyone should be. Yeah, do you want to come back? If you want to come back, there's problems.

Yeah. And it happens. Oh, yeah. You know? And motherfuckers have ebbs and flows. Like, I get it. Like, someone had, like, a big pop because of something. You know, you could do, like, the correspondence dinner or some shit like that.

you know what I mean and like everybody knows you and then afterwards it's not as popular but that's an ebb and flow is going to be natural in a career it's entertainment yeah it's part of it but that's what that's it's just getting people understand there there are there are things that if you dream bigger you go bigger but I but the guys in New York like soda and fucking normie like everyone has they're doing it they're doing it they're starting to get it they still you know you talk to normie talk to the soda they're like we shouldn't have to do social media but we do it. Yeah, it's one of those things

where it's just like, yeah, I'm sure basketball players wish they didn't have to, you know, jog what you do. Yeah, it's a new game.

Yeah, it's like, it's like with MMA and shit. It's like, I'm sure back a day motherfucker's like, I don't want to learn jujitsu. Why? Yeah, they didn't have to.

I'm a bar fighter. I just want to go and swing on a dude. Yeah. I don't want to go to the ground. I don't know, what is this ground shit? Like,

I'm not good enough to be a boxer. I just want to go hook off on somebody, right? And then all of a sudden these jiu jih Tutsu you have to learn it. And now it's a whole different group of comics coming up who started young. I was talking about this with Mark yesterday. It's like now that the internet exists, comics are starting young. You got comics that are 24 years old, been doing comedy for six years.

Yeah. What? Yeah. You know, so in all these comics coming up, they're coming up watching our shit. So they're like, okay, I got to know how to edit video. I got to know how to add subtitles. I know how to clips. I got to do all.

So they're coming up. And it's like if you want to stay in the game, you better know how to compete. Yep. You know, it's like LeBron learned how to shoot threes. Yep. Because he had to. Jordan developed a fadeaway because he had to.

You know, you're not going to stay in this game off of just your name and people in New York going, I like you. You earn what you keep out here. I mean, there's some guys who got grandfathered in, rightfully so, like Chappelle or some shit like that.

But those days are kind of, it's going to be tough, man, unless you're on YouTube or... It's a new game, you know, nasty with the social media. It's a new motherfucking game. And you know what?

You should be excited because you actually got some fucking leverage now. Now you don't have to suck dick at these fucking comedy festivals where everybody's kissing up to the network execs. Weren't you just at JFL though? Would you get JFL? Yeah, I'll go to JFL and I'll go out to dinner.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? I'm not schmoozing execs. No, I don't hang out of them. Like, I'm doing JFL and February, but me too. I'm taking my guys, I do the show and then I'm, if my boys are there, I'll see them, but I'm out. I'm out.

That's who I want to talk to. Yeah, I'm out. And even if I want to talk to, like even I was talking one of the guys JFL the other day who one of the guys runs the JFL the other day

he was at the stand and I was just like yo what do you look for for new faces because I got friends of mine who for some reason value that shit which there's no reason

you should value it but they do they think it's gonna change their life because back in the day it did like Kevin Hart had a natural set in Montreal and then fucking

everything got popping absolutely but now there's so back in a day having a cannon on your castle was dope yeah you're right

yeah it's just It's just a different game now. It's a different game. That being said, like YouTube is JFL. Like, motherfuckers know about you already. You don't got to go to the show. Yeah. Click a video, watch it.

And anyone can watch it, not just the crowd at JFL. All this shit is changing, bro. It's like, you know, it is. It is just, bro, it's all changing. Dude, I don't know how much longer agents are going to be around or managers. That's legit. Like, let's be honest. Because they're just booking your venue.

Yeah, I love my agent is TJ, Mark Walter, I love you. You're my guys, so you're always going to be with me. And I say this so he doesn't get nervous for that kind of shit. I'm not a lot of C. No, no, that's my guy. Never say never. If he fucks me. He might get fired. It's in your hands. It's a matter of fact, you're fired. No.

But like, what I've said to him is this is like, all right, so you have these promoters. This is what a lot of people don't understand about the game once you get out of comedy clubs. When you're in comedy clubs, it's easy. Agent calls a comedy club. Comedy club puts a show on. We do the show.

Then you start getting into the theaters, right? So the agent doesn't call the theater. I just had to learn about this shit. The agent calls a promoter. You're talking about like Live Nation? Yeah. Live Nation, A.E.G, any of these other things. So agent calls a promoter.

The promoter calls a theater. The promoter puts on a show, right? Promoter pays me. Why do I need my agent to do that? Yeah, he didn't do it. He doesn't negotiate or anything. I'm saying? So like, what I'm saying?

What I'm saying? told my agent it was like you gotta be careful because you don't realize it but you're about to be boxed out it's just like uber drivers like right now there's people listen to his podcast driving uber thinking they got a sweet the second uber finds a way to drive that car without you you are out of a job fam i mean you got probably i don't know four or five years well if you plan on living more than four or five years you might have figured that shit out you might figure that shit out okay so so the thing with the agent so i told him i was like you realize that they're slowly getting rid of you. Like, they do all the

promotion. They have all the ticketing. They have everything. Yeah, why am I giving you 10%? You can handle the acts that do the comedy clubs, but once you get to the acts for theaters, right, I could literally call up Live Nation tomorrow or AG or any of these companies tomorrow and just be like, hey,

yeah, I'm ready to go back on tour. New Hour, yeah. Yeah, just book all the things. Here's the thing, though. You know, you know some of the... Don't make yourself replaceable. Like Live Nation, some of those other ones? Yeah. I have friends who they go to and go, oh, you have a tour? well, we want you only to perform at our venues.

Yeah. And they go, here's a flat rate. We don't give a fuck. How many tickets you sell you? Let us promote it. You do your thing on your end, but we're going to give you a flat rate. They came to me with that. And it's big boy money.

Son, they came to me. So it's like, well, all the work's done. That's what I, and I told my agent, my agent, yeah, this was crazy. And I love it. My agent brought it to me. He brought the deal to me. And I was like, why? What are you doing?

But you got to do this They wouldn't go direct to you though They could I could go direct They could But they offer me It's so dicey though Fam

They offer me Seven figures For one year Of touring Right And then when you break it up To the amount of shows And that kind of stuff

You could see if it's worth At this That the other But what I'm telling my agent I'm like You could do this Like You gotta do all this

I don't understand The only way Your agent Shouldn't be fired If they said let's say they offered you three million to do the two. If you went back, he's like, yo, we need five. Yeah, no, no, my agent...

That's what you don't want to do with it. Yeah, no, my agent turned to... Yeah, like, he deserves it. He's a beast. And, like, he does a lot of, like, almost managerial stuff as well. Like, that's my partner. I look at him as my business partner. He just happens to be part of...

He happens to be part of an agency. Yeah, he's definitely get fired, but, yeah. But I'll take him. Yeah. As a friend. Yeah, yeah, as a friend. Yeah, yeah, as a friend. Yeah, no, no, we'll go.

He'll be your assistant. Yeah, yeah. I mean, you can't be my agent, but you're my assistant. But you see where it's going, right? Oh, I know. With all the podcasts, everything is so niche. We have our following. We have all that kind of stuff.

It's like, you don't have an agent handling your podcast stuff, right? No. No. Not at all. Who does? I don't even know what my agency does. Every once in a while, I'll be like, yo, you know, this show looks kind of cool, hot ones. Yeah.

Yeah, I don't want to check out hot ones. And they'll be like, all right, we're going to look into that. And then they do jack shit. You don't heard from them? They do nothing. Complex. You can't just call to, fucking show so I can eat the spicy chips

okay I mean they're based out of New York that's an easy one bro they don't do anything none of these people do anything that's what I realize about this whole business nobody does anything it's all incoming calls well yeah it's all you think Tom Cruz's fucking agent

is really like pitching shit he's just waiting Mission of Possible 14 all right up Tom hey Tom looks like this they haven't figured out the mission's pretty possible yeah you keep on doing it Every single fucking time. Yeah, it is weird.

Like, you want to ask them, like, Monday through Friday, if they're working 9 to 5, I want to go, yeah, you email me an offer from Cleveland or whatever. Bro. But the rest of the day, what would you say you do for me? Right. Like, what's going on the rest of the day? My agent's hustling.

My agent's, my PA agent is hustling. The other one's, God bless them. You're like, no, no, but mine. But then we're going, now, that's my guy. Yeah, no, I know. Because he's, that's my guy, man. Yeah, like, and I'm a very loyal dude to people who, like, sacrifice and really ride or die for me.

Yeah, for me. Yeah, for sure. That's important to me. And if you have those guys, you take care of them. Yeah, but we're going to let him go. We're going to let him go. You know what I mean? Like, it's time, bro.

You know what I mean? We fire at here. We do it here. I call mine and fire. We fire at the same. We just, we just. Bro, are we going to do it? No, no, no, no.

I love him. I love him. Wait, who are you with? I'm with CIA. You see it. Do they do anything? Like, they're the same agency as, as LeBron. Have you met LeBron?

Have you, have you been on the podcast? I haven't. That's how they pitch you, right? They'd be like, we represent LeBron. I'm like, all right, get them on the podcast. Yeah, get them, get them at a video. And they're like, I'm about that. It's like, all right, man.

No, she's saying this shit. I would never depend on them to do anything for like that. I would, I know. The whole point of them is you depend on them to do shit. What happened in this world? Not for the podcast. What I'm saying? You got your business.

They don't get a cut for this. Of course they don't. So they're going to be like, what? They're not going to book, fuck, you know, LeBron. We don't see money for that. But if they were smart, they would. They would create that synergy. Yeah.

If they were smart, they would service every single thing. No, they should be getting you ads. They should be getting you fucking cross-promotional shit. What are they doing? What are they getting you? Just book events. Just book my tour. So the exact thing that anybody could do.

Yeah. This is literally the phone call. Ready? Hi. Columbus Funny Bone. Hey, remember when I sold out the club? Yeah. You want to do that again?

Okay See you next year 10% Yeah Save 10% 10% And it's not 10% Yeah

This is the other thing I get taxed No not even tax It's 10% Which brings you down to 90 Right Now what is that of 90 It's 12 and a half

Yeah So if you get You know what I'm saying If they get $10 and you make $90 Yeah They're making more than 10% Of what you make

You see what I'm saying Yeah It's it's a lot of shit gonna change, bro. A lot of shit gonna change very soon. I'm a little confused. So are we firing our agents or not, dude? Because you keep selling out firing

but you tell me how great yours is. I'm turning mine into a fucking bullpup. And I'm coming over later, TJ. No, I think if you got guys, this is what I think it can evolve into. I think they're like, we just all band together. This is what I think the real future will be.

Is we all band together and then, or the few groups. Kind of like a network, but like, We kind of are now, but with no written agreement. Exactly. You guys have your group, right? I mean, part of that group.

Of course, of course. No, no, absolutely. I mean, I'll do anything for you guys. But, like, I meant, like, let's say there's, like, six of us, right? And we're all hitting the same clubs, hitting the same theaters, et cetera, right? We could have one or two of our agents, represent all of us, right? And book the same theater runs for everybody. Yeah.

Right? And get the best rate because it's like, oh, do you want it or not? Like, you gave Delia this. So, hey, Delia's doing that. And Shultzzi's going to come there. Yeah. So, Solzzi and delete it. But we need a lower because you get all of us.

Or we go to the competition. Yeah, you're right. Right? Yeah. And then, now we're not fighting against each other and letting all these bullshit calls happen. Like, I speak, yo, speak to the fucking venues and, like, the promoters in that country. They don't want to deal with the agents. No, they hate them.

They don't want to deal with it. It's like the one thing. But you don't want to take it. Like, I don't want to call and argue the commission myself. What do you mean the commission? Well, I'm saying I don't want to argue the rate myself. I'm not. That's why I have them.

You don't be dealing with the numbers and all that shit, do you? This is the number. You want to create. Ain't no dealing with. This is the number. Oh, Papa. You think he's like, yeah, that's my Schultz-click. Hey, this is what it costs.

Bye. That's it. Oh, my bad. Kevin Hart. It might be a little tough. Son, we went through tough. We went through tough. Back in the day when we're trying to hustle our fucking ass off her.

years, 10 years on a road, grinding. Well, don't say we, because I... Yeah, you just did it right. Yeah. Yeah, you should have hustle with me. I didn't do it right. You should have been doing hyenas in Fort Worth for six years in a row.

I didn't do it right, but I don't want to be lumped in with we. I don't want to take on the same struggle. I like that. That's fine. That's fine. So it's like, I don't know. I think that you can do that. I think you could call them up.

I think it's a lot more, a lot easier than we think it is. Strength and numbers. I think so. I mean, that's the whole thing. That's the whole thing with unions and that kind of. of shit like people shit about shit on unions you know that make all the sense in the world you know here's the thing that I don't get when people shit on unions because it's the exact equal and opposite reaction to the billionaire right the billionaire uses their their paying power essentially

they own a business and they could pay all these people whatever they want because if they don't accept the job then they won't have a job at all they have a they have a they own the market it's like if you own the Walmart in some little town that's the only spot what is you're going to do exactly right So the only equal and opposite reaction to the billionaire is if all the people who work come together and they go, nah, we want this money. Yeah. Now, both of them are bad because the extreme version of both of them are bad. The extreme version of the union makes it so that the business can't make any money. The extreme version of the business makes it so the people can't make any money.

You have to have a middle ground. So hopefully you negotiate and have a middle ground. What I'm saying is we should just make all the goddamn money. Fuck them until they figure that shit out. You know what I'm saying? Yo, let's do it, bro. I'm so confused if we should fire our age tonight, man. No, what I'm saying is like, let's get the leverage that we never had.

Like, right now we're in a unique time in history, man. Comics never had this leverage. Like, now we got the fucking leverage. Like, you know how badly I want to, I want to just, not only do I want us to all do that, but like, I got my young bucks I want to put on the road. You know what I mean? I want to put Mark's on the road. I want to do put Mark's ass on the road.

He is on the road with me. So what's the problem? But I want to actually have him be eventually on the road by himself. Well, that's it. Well, that, that game plan has been going on since the fucking 60s where he, does he open up for you? Mm-hmm. So he opens up for you. You're in front of thousands of people.

Yeah. Oh, we like that guy, Mark. And then you, hey, I'm coming back to the same market. And then you build the audience. Yeah. I mean, there's that. What else would you do? You have him and two guys, we don't know, headline?

No. Well, what I would do is, and this is happening back in the day. But, like, let's say I'm coming to a club for whatever reason. And I'm just coming Friday and Saturday. So I say, hey, headline him Thursday. I just did that in San Jose. So there you go. You're already doing it.

You're doing that, right? I mean. We're in giant theaters. It's different. It's different. It's different. If we do a club, it's purposeful. If we do a club, we're doing specifically for reps.

Well, yeah, of course. I also just love the club. Like, I'm a club comic. I grew up in New York, man. Like, I like talking to the crowd. Like, I like, I just, I like that intimacy. So. But I think there's cool ways where we could do this, man.

Like, man. like, man. But also with your, with your, with your, with your YouTube channel and stuff you're doing with that, you can highlight Mark and the boys and stuff. We do. We do the audience. So before they get in there. Mark jerked off in my bathtub.

I let him stay in my apartment. No, I didn't. Oh, I was like, wow, that's for onlyfans.com. Shultz is my only fans, bro. Shultz, onlyfans. com. See my opener's jack off. This guy is, he is like so fucking primal with his shit.

He's actually a smart kid, but he's a gorilla. He's a fucking gorilla. How old are you, Mark? Right? You're 23. You're 24. You get to L.A., you start lying about your fucking age, dude. You're starlet.

You did the same thing, though. You little fucking starlet. 23, 24? He's 20. He's young. Either way, he's ready. We could break him. Where's Weinstein?

Where's Weinstein? You're young as fuck. So this guy, I say, you could stay in my apartment while I'm gone, right? I come back from my apartment and there are gelatinous jizz bubbles on my bathroom. Like it's one thing to, don't say you didn't do it. March busting nuts, man. He jerked off in my bathtub and didn't have the fucking balls or the respect to just foot it down. Now he has very small feet, so maybe he missed it.

But he didn't just go like this on it and just get it go through the drain. So we're like fine. He learned his lesson. We disrespected him. Everybody on the road knows him. They go, oh yeah, you're a guy that jerked off of Schultz's tub, right? Everybody knows. He learns his lesson, right?

Alex You know Alex Does all the video stuff Yeah Right and Mark is part of that team now as well But Alex's been fucking killing it You know everyone's trying to copy Alex now Yep they have that yeah

They should Everyone's trying to copy Alex They should They should They're not gonna You're like you're like You know how Rogan has Jamie Everyone tries to copy Jamie or chin

Everyone's trying to copy Alex Oh sick out That's what's up They try to throw some pussy his way I'm sure I can find some I can find some He's trying to make a Alex just gave an office truck

Right there So So Trying to edit a porter or some shit With these hose on the road That should be dope You'd be surprised I don't see that angle

So So Al We just got this new studio Back You gotta come check the studio Back in I can't wait I'm in New York in

But are you out of fucking town We'll make it We'll make it happen We'll just come down I'll organize But So we just get this new studio, right? Multiple studios for podcasts.

There's a live performance space. We'll do some live shows, projector, TV. It's like fun, watch games, all shit. In a good spot? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in Brooklyn. It's dope, man. It's fucking so cool.

And it took us six months to fucking build it out, right? Like audiovisual teams, like fucking painting. It was crazy what we did. It was just unreal. And this is all you. Your team. This is us. Yeah, yeah.

This is us. Yeah. And, um, And Alex walks in, right? I mean, this is the first day we're about to record the podcast. We're about to report Flaring 2 for the first time in the new space. We walk in. Alex walks in, and Mark is, shut the fuck up, dude.

Hey, shut the fuck up, okay? You asked for this, okay? Mark is sitting on the couch, right? And this is the weird thing. His shoes and socks were off, right? Fuck, yeah. His shoes and socks are off, right? Are you from L.A.?

Are you from L.A., Mark? No, from Florida. He's from Florida. Now it makes sense. Doesn't it make sense? Okay. That would be my second guess. Shoes and socks are off, right?

God, that's getting sick. Now, Al walks in, doesn't think about it, right? He goes, he goes, oh, okay, what's her? You don't even think about it. You're like, oh, what's up, Mark? Okay, I got here earlier, something like that. He walks past, he turns around, and he looks at the TV, and Mark is ferociously fixing the Apple TV remote, like, ferociously.

Oh, my boy, jacking it. My boy, Jack. He was whacking off in the new studio. This fucking gorilla cannot help himself, but to mark territory. Hey, was he sleeping? My territory. Was he sleeping there, though? Say what?

He was he probably sleeping. No, he, that's the crazy thing. He wasn't even sleeping. Did you stay the night there? Yeah. Did you stay the night? Yeah, it's all lines up, dude. Well, either way, you can jerk off in my fucking place.

Yeah, man. He got up early. He's 23. He's 23. He's 20. He's 23, dude. He's 23. He's 25.

All right. He's 20. 29 years old. This is an old Now it gets a little creepy. Okay, he's 25, it's creepy. He's a 40-old man. He's a 43 I celebrated.

So, no, for real, man. It's just, you know, it was, it's just a tough thing. It's a tough thing, you know? It's like, Alex is just jacking off all the time. He's fucking got to do with Mark just wagging off all over the floor of the studio, dude. It's a crazy world. But that's what you bring on the road?

Yeah, Mark opens for me on the road. Just him? Yeah, just. And then sometimes he'll have a lot. local guy. Yeah. I like the local guy. Yeah. M-C-it. Usually. Can you get dicey though, can it? That's a thing. We can be a little selective. I feel like when it's dicey, it's fun. I feel like it's fun when it's dicey. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I bring an opener and a feature. You bring both. Yes, but for the longest, I would just roll the dice. I found

it was kind of fun. You fly them out? Oh yeah. And I think, well, see, that's the thing. I already have Al. So I'm flying two guys out. I know. We were always thinking we just got to get out five minutes. No, I'll let them focus on that video. Bro, we had Al, we had Al do, we had Al do one joke. We were in Tampa. Tampa Improv. And we were going to do it for the... It was so funny.

We had video of it in a Drop-in series, right? Is it a Drop-in series? Yeah. So we were in a Tampa Improv, and we're like, yo, Al, just do a joke. I'll give you one of my old jokes. Hilarious. Right? And you just go up there and do the joke.

It'll be a quick little misdirection joke. To open it? To open the show? No, I brought him up during my set. I brought him up during my set. That's awesome. But everybody knows him. Like Al is, you know, synonymous with me.

So you know him, right? So it's like, he goes up. We stopped the show. He comes up, right? And he goes, uh... Were you nervous for thought? Yeah, he was mad nervous. But he was trying to front like he was.

He came on. I got this. Like this way to come? No, no, no. This is my favorite part. He goes, he goes, he goes. He goes, this is the joke. And it's one of the first jokes I ever wrote.

This is like 12, 13 years ago, right? And the joke was, I like it when a girl talks dirty a bit. I just hate it when they repeat the same thing over and over again, right? Like, no. No. Right? Right? So, so that's the joke.

And I say out, I go, I say out. I say out, I go, listen, I'm going to set it up so they know it's a joke, right? Because it's a harsh joke, but I'm going to set it up It's a lot. But the wrong context every phone. But here's the thing. Okay, so... Wait, hold before you go on, how long ago was this?

This is six months ago? Dude, three months ago? Dicey. Oh, come on. Dice. But my crowd is with it. My craft. Still, though. Still. Yeah, they're with you. Yeah, that's true. There's black guy once on stage. Talk about raping bitches. Everyone's like, oh, oh, wow, it just got dark, man. Man, he got real dark up there.

So, Al goes on stage. He comes up with me, right? And I go, Al, you got to let, before I go, Al, you got to let me preface it. Because it's such a great misdirection that they're going to laugh no matter what. They're just going to laugh at the misdirection. They're not going to care about the rape or anything. But I don't explain that to him. I just go, just let me preface it.

Yeah. So he comes up and then he goes, and I go, I go, now I just want to, and he goes, he looks at me, he goes, he looks at me, he goes, not got this. He goes Now I got this I go What? Is this on stage? Yeah on stage

He goes now I got this He goes yo yo Before I start I go Uh oh I go I go whoa He had a preface

You had a preface for the set He goes Before I start He goes Just so authoritative He goes You know You know I hate

I hate when I hate when I hate when I love me when a girl's talking dirty I just hate when they say The same thing over and over again. Now they're taking him serious in this moment, right?

Because he's saying before I start, it's not a joke, right? And then he goes, you know, like, stop, stop, stop. Right? The fucking crowd is horrified, right? They got no clue what's going on. Wait for it, wait for it. It's my favorite part, right? Al stands in for a second, confident smile, and he goes,

that's my time, y'all. That's my time. That's my time, y'all. Ow. I'm sweating. Bro, we were crying. Dude, you set him up for failure, man. I wish you'd be like, damn.

Yeah, that's funny joke. You got any others though? Maybe a little more light-hearted. I need to give them something. You got anything about dick size? Yeah. Oh, bro. That's so funny, man.

Oh, dude. Oh, dude. Dude, we got a video of it, dude. Dude, were you nervous now? I'm sweating, man. Yeah, sometimes those openers are funny. Like, just in Tampa is when... Who opened for you?

I don't want to say their name. She bombed. She bombed. So, so it's like two years ago. I just went by myself. I don't bring anyone. I just rent a car.

He saw how quickly he said, I didn't want to say her name. You don't remember her name. I remember her this one. Because I did Palm Beach, Orlando, and Tampa, and I rented a car. I had no feature or nothing. I just have them in this drive around all the fucking cities. So I said I'm in Tampa. And it was there's the last stop on tour.

I'm tired. I'm in the back. I'm waiting. I'm waiting. And the manager comes up. He goes, hey man. So we got this. female open up for a man and I go

ah dude it's kind of my crowd's so bro-y sometimes the females have to be so good otherwise they just check out of us dude trust me she opened up for Delia she's fantastic so I text Delia you know dude do you remember blah blah how was she

in all capitals he put horrible so I'm like oh fuck dude so then so then that she's the feature the emcee comes in he's this little

little jewish guy goes what's up man he's like all sweaty i'm like what's up dude he goes nothing your feature's my axe man she came here with a fucking boyfriend he goes dude dude i'm a fan if he tries doing some shit will you help me out dude i'm like what is happening

what the fuck is going on you to fight yeah he asked and i and i go uh i literally i'm like i don't dude i'll just see you at the show so he goes back there this girl walks in her man is oh I don't know six, eight

giant oh dude I'm like what is happening here and she's all my fucking boyfriend or MC

my ex he's so annoying I'm like all right see you guys out there I'm like what the fuck MC goes out

eats all the dicks doesn't do well brings out the feature but he's like real cat he's like all right

everybody give her fucking Janine she's been she's all right give it up for so the audience is like

half ass she goes out crickets crickets and she goes Oh, you know what? She goes, oh, you know what? Fuck you guys.

She goes, this is my sold out. I've been doing comedy for 12 years. Brennan's been doing it for five fucking weeks. Fuck you guys. I'm going to get my time. Beer bottle. At a girl? Didn't hit her.

Just on stage. They start booing her. But this bitch does her. She gets her time. She does her time. And then ends it and goes, fuck y'all. puts the mic.

And I'm standing the back guy. What the fuck she goes. Sorry, bro. Just walks off. Dude. And then I walk out and I just go, the crowd's chair and I just go, how about that bitch? Crazy. I can't believe they threw a beer bottle.

Oh yeah. Bitch was talking shit. At a woman. Was it a girl who threw it? I don't know. It had to be. I'm backstage. I'm like, well, it's fucking.

It's the purge out there. You got to go, you have a piece of spit on your left that I was watching. The whole story. The whole story I was watching. Oh, fuck, dude. And it was bouncing from top lip to bottom of it. You were in the fucking rhythm, though. I'm dehydrated.

Yeah, I know. At one point it just connected both. You had like a little, like, spit bridge. Well, the story's run. Well, the story. Now it's all you's gonna focus on. I wanted to throw a bottle of you when I was like. Dude, oh, this poor girl.

I never understood when opening access. She never came back. Good. But like, you can't attack the crowd someone else's crowd. It's just bad. It's just bad business. It's not your crowd. It makes no sense in any fastest.

You are getting, you get to take advantage of, that crowd. Yeah, I'm doing your favor. It is. It is an amazing opportunity to work on material and like you get 20 minutes, right? With zero expectations. Yeah. How could you be upset about that? You kill the locals when you come back.

Hmm. It was fun though. You had a good time. Give me a good story. Tampa's good. Tampa's good. Tampa's a good city. Yeah, we did Tampa. Because it's like a theater. It's built in the Yeah. It's old school. It's old school. What's it? Ebor? Borg. Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I fuck with Tampa.

Chickens on the street and shit. And then there's, then there's, then there's times when the openers were like, dude, like 20 year vets. And they've been, they've just,

they have these 15, 20 minutes that will set the fucking murder fire. And they'll go out there and I'll look at the manager. I go, how has he not left Buffalo? Yeah.

How is he not headlining at the fucking Staples Center? And he's like, yeah. Oh, Papa, he's been doing that same 20 for the last 18 years. He's never,

he only, Are you asking me to 21? He'll eat shit. He only has those 20 and that's it. I'll never change them. Yeah. And they're monsters. And they're great guys.

Yeah. They're monsters. But they're dads and they might be worked at fucking, you know, at Starbucks some shit. But they've had this 20. That is fucking fire. They're so interesting, too. Do you tell kids to move to L.A.? Like the guys who open for you on the road?

I don't give anyone advice. Yeah. I've been in coming for three weeks. I don't give anyone advice. Yeah. Interesting. To move to L.A.? Or New York.

I think you would have to kind of do something to get going. I wonder if you have to anymore. I do because I think you need to see what you're dealing. Got you. If I'm just in Orlando, like Floor is a bad comedy spot, right? Sorry. Yeah.

But they're not great. So if you're the local club there. You know how you know Fuller is a bad comedy spot? He hasn't masturbated in it. He hasn't jacked off in hotels. It's the only place. Yeah, but if you're just in Orlando, you're like, damn, I'm pretty funny, man.

You know? Yeah. But I mean, you can check online, but until you see in person, you go to come to the comedy story come to the improv or the factory or New York you look at the line like oh shit and you watch like guys work on shit like Delia's work on shit now you watch that

well that's better than anything I got that I've been doing for five years yeah and he just wrote that last night yeah so it's good to you know I think it's good to see where you're at in the pecking order yeah I agree with that and the hustle I agree with that because you're not going to see the hustle you're just going to see the finished product but you see the hustle out here it's he you know

Delea you know I keep using Gladi but he's at the company store every night yeah he's gone for night every night yeah yeah i agree i agree with that i agree with that part where it's like if you want to see how funny you are and you want to be motivated to get funnier you go where the funny people are and they're not in your hometown 100% they're not your hometown but also you can like you you can pick their brain 100% yeah yeah you can see what's it but i don't subscribe to the idea like you have to go to new york or la to get on television to make it like i think that you can I think that you can make it locally,

you just have to have the discipline to get better. Like I used to say when I was on the road to any comment, I was like, just get to New York. The second you have 15 minutes that works and it's fire, 15 minutes, you just move to New York. And now I'm like, hmm. Upload to YouTube? Now, not only uploads YouTube,

I'm like, what is your project? Like, what are you doing? Like, what is your thing? That should already have been started before you go to New York, like, what is your show? What is your, do you have a podcast? Do you do some, like, straight to the fucking, and camera stuff.

Just stand-ups not going to get you anything. Yeah, it's like when you go to New York, you're going to be working a full-time job. Like, you're going to be working way more than you are doing stand-up. Like, right now at home, you're probably living with your parents or you're living with a bunch of roommates. And you've got, you're paying $200 a month in rent.

Like, now you have free time to, like, do stuff and create content. And if you're not doing that here, you're not going to do that when you go to New York. True. So I agree with you with, like, the skill level. If you want to see what the elite guys are doing and see where you have to go,

you have to go to where they are. But you're not going to know unless you see him. You just watch Chappelle Special. You just watch Delea Special. You just watch your special. It's like, oh yeah, he's doing stand-of thing. You got to see the hustle, man. You got to see it.

Because you're not even doing remotely the right moves. Yeah. There's just so much that you can do. So much you can do at home now as well. That's, I guess, what I'm trying to say. It used to be just to get funny. You can still do it, but... Learn all that shit.

That's what we always tell these comics. Like, figure out what you want to do. Learn all that shit. like there's so much you can do from home man there's so much and like you can connect with these guys for home that's how I met Mark we were in Orlando what do you mean you were on the road yeah he opened for us on the road and he just reached out and he started to help out

with clips and that kind of stuff that's cool and then he was funny and we were like yo come on the road that's dope but that can happen that's like a very feasible thing if you offer value 100% yeah I don't know I just figured there's young comics listening to this and maybe they could get some yeah give us some current events Jen

Sure. Let me take a piss before you do this. You're going to take a piss? No, I'm okay. I did a peepee. I did a peepie. Is it hot in here? Yes.

Chin! Let's talk, bro. What's talk? Dude. First one. Okay, so Taylor Swift just came out with her documentary on Netflix. And there's a short clip about the reason why she took a five-year hiatus. And Nikki Glazer was actually in there.

And she was on a show talking about how she thought Taylor Swift was. was too skinny. Didn't like her. Yeah. It was like. Exactly Lizzo. It was in a much older interview. And she ended up actually posting a photo wearing Taylor Swift's merch apologizing for it.

Right. Oh, you don't want them Swifties after you. Yeah. But she got she got the co-sign. I saw this. My girl hit me up about this. That's how I know. And she basically just apologized and said that whatever she said in that interview was

projection of what was going on in her life. She apologized. Taylor Swift saw it and actually reached out to her as well. Oh, that's cool. I like Nikki. You know Nikki? I do know Nikki. She's great.

Yeah. Yeah. She's hot as hell too. That's a nice little, that's a nice, that's a nice clout chase right there. Wow, I appreciate it so much. One of the major things about ducks that we have ability to change our pains over time. Grow. I'm so sorry to hear that.

You struggle with some of the same things I've struggled with. Send a massive hug. Hashtag, none of my fans buy a ticket to her show. Wow. That's cool. Where to go? Did you say that? If Taylor Swift said that, there won't be one person.

you're trying. She's so goddamn powerful. Yeah. I mean, like if you go after Beyonce and the bee, I think they're called the Beehive, yeah. Dude, they'll shut your shit down. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Watch your P's and Q's the Beyonce. Yeah, the Taylor Swift shit, maybe she was right. Maybe she was too skinny. I mean, didn't

Taylor Swift's... She's always been too skinny to me. But hold on. Didn't Taylor Swift say she was battling some sort of like... Yeah, an eating disorder. She said that she used to be a size double zero and now she's a size six in the documentary. She's just saying that like the more she saw photos of herself, the more she realized that she didn't like the way she looked,

so she just slowly kind of stopped eating. So Nikki Glazer's right. So she helped you. She said you're too skinny. You looked at the photos. You agreed. You changed your life. What the fuck are you apologizing for, Nikki?

You just saved your favorite singer. Nicky's a good thing. Nikki's bodied up too. That's why the, Nikki's in great shape. But here's a, yeah, why are we upset about this?

Fat shaming worse. You're saying some of fat shaming or skinny shaming. Like if you're saying someone's too, skinny this is what I don't get you say someone's too skinny it's shame if you say someone's too fat it's shame you have both of them are just pushing you towards the direction of health they're also observations right like when when if someone they put up with them but they're like god damn you're like a fat as fuck shop yeah you don't think my ass is on the bike later that afternoon

like that motivated oh just fucking motivated bro still think of shit but doing deliveries like yeah Mexican ass would yeah dog Fat shame work. On their bike. You're dropping off Kodoba. You've always been skinny, huh? You just stay thin. You know how to flip a fucking combo.

I just have powered through it, dude. Professional, son. Like, Jiu-Jitsu. Professional, bro. You just stay thin? Yeah, dude, you know me. I'm off the bread, son. I'm off the bread,

but you're fine shugs. You're thin anyway. Yeah, I'm a little thin. I'm a little thin. I'm an otter, dog. But when you went... Is that an otter town? I don't know if that's an otter's ass.

But you went to Egypt, right? Dude. Did you eat carbs there? I did. Dude, the food sucks in Egypt, man. Hey, but also, no shit, dude. Yo, but, yes, shit. Yeah, but no shit.

No? You've been there for 6,000 years. You couldn't figure out fucking food. No, they've named something they've invented. There's nothing. The pyramids. Well, that's how I know they didn't do it. Is that the aliens?

It's not aliens, but it's not them. It's probably white dudes. It might have been white guys, bro. Might have been British. The British pulled up. A gift. Some motherfuckers from London. It was a gift.

Real tough. No, there's no way. Like, everything about that shit, the pyramids, it just blew my fucking mind. It was the most impressive thing I've ever seen in my life. Oh, wow, really? Like, I literally... You're the only person...

Every person I know that's seen the pyramids. They're like, dude, they're kind of small. Was it shit? There's a McDonald's, like, out front. Wait, people have shit on the pyramids? Almost everyone I know it's going to see the pyramids. Who? Who do you know that went to see the pyramids?

Name somebody. Callin? For sure. No way. His dad was doing some operation out there? Yeah. Yeah. Who we're taking out now.

Yeah, I've never heard great things about the pyramids. I've always heard they're overrated. Huh? But you love them. They're the most underrated thing I've ever seen in my entire life. They are the most... It questions your idea of reality. It makes you question reality.

You're watching it. And in live... We were questioning, how could this happen? Like, I don't even think about human progress the same way after looking at the pyramids. Oh, wow. This is how I think the pyramids happened. I think there were some humans.

They built the pyramids. They developed these cool... you know, technology that allowed them to do it. Those humans died out. And because we didn't live in this like globalist society where everybody knows what's going on, when you died, so did all your technology. Yeah, you can't tweet out, right?

So then another group of humans, thousands of years later, the one that we call the Egyptians now, they pull up, they see some dope shit and they're like, yo, that's ours. Because you would claim whatever's yours. And then every group that walked up on it just claimed it. The Greeks, the Romans, the Jews. Anybody who pulled up on it was like, yeah, we made that.

That was us. That's our people. But there's no way in fucking hell any humans there. You don't subscribe to the alien fact? I think we just say alien when we don't know how things happen in our reality. And that's why I'm talking about question of reality.

Like these fucking things, the bricks themselves are so massive. There's no way in hell you could move those bricks. And you know that they didn't get those bricks from that place. They got them from like 17 kilometers away. They crossed a river with them. Like there's all this insane shit. Suspect.

This is why I suspect. You know what makes something a civilization, a group of people of civilization? writing, right? That is what made the Egyptians of civilization. Writing. Hieroglyphics, yeah. So, how do you write about everything but how to build that?

That's why they say aliens. No, even if aliens did it, they would write the aliens did it. And I know someone's going to point at a hieroglyph where they're like an alien looking thing. No, you go in detail about how those fucking aliens hit. You wouldn't detail on how you shot a deer. You want to detail how you clean fucking corn, but you're not going to go to detail on how you build this shit. Yeah, there's nothing here, huh? idea that they say the Jews built it absolutely bullshit because if you look at the Old Testament,

they go into detail about how to build a temple. Everything. The cloth has to hang two centimeters below that there's like such specific minute details how to build a temple. There's nothing. But not how to do, no writing whatsoever. Nobody else replicates it. And you know what? You see this shit in Mexico.

You see this shit in other parts of the world. It's stacked up rocks. Son, that's what it is. But at one point in time, it was perfectly flat. Oh. They chipped away at it over years, using it to make weapons. This was perfectly straight. There's a mock-up of what they're supposed to look like back in the day.

So this is it weird? We have them on our dollar bills too. Well, because... That's strange. No, the Masons, the people who basically created America, they were inspired by the Egyptians. And they think their like philosophy is that every once in a while, yeah, this is what they thought.

This is what they looked like back in the day. Perfectly flat, white. You're talking about the Luxor in Vegas? That's what it looked like. How do you think they got that idea? Coincidence? It was limestone, son. It was perfect.

White, limestone, that's what it's made out of. 6,000 years, you get a little rust. Or dirt. Dude, I'm telling you, it is, you cannot, you cannot imagine it. No, I'll look at the pictures. It looks pretty sweet. You have to go see it. Here's the other thing.

ISIS is in North Africa like a motherfucker. ISIS is done, bro. Now we're dealing with fucking coronavirus from these two. Right? Like, what the, that's the big issue right now. Why do you have to put everything in the soup? Bats? You can't make soup without bats, guys. Bat was a little bat.

Let's be honest. When you see, because I know neither of you are Chinese, when you see the Chinese do Chinese shit, right? Like put a bat in soup. Do you, are you like, ugh, now we got to deal with this. As Asians. Absolutely. Before especially, but yeah.

Isn't that fucking annoying? We're Asian. But that's annoying. Yeah. It's not you guys. No. Right? I know.

You know what I'm saying? It's a little stressful. It's like it's on you. It's like every time a terrorist. thing happens, all the Muslims are going to go, fucking A, now we got to deal with this at the TSA. China's like Asian ISIS. In a way, right?

In a way, there's a bat hanging in the soup like it's a fucking jacuzzi. Did you see the picture of it? The jacuzzi bat? He's just chilled in. Like this. Yeah, it's great. And you don't think it's going to cause some corona, look at it. Why is he legs? Dude, he looks like he's getting

bidet. Yeah. Look at that bitch eating it. Look at the Girl eating it, bro. Of course you're going to get fucking coronavirus from this, man. You know what the other problem is, Chin? Whoa, here we go. Is you create so much traffic?

That's the other problem. He can't drive. No, though. The other problem is, oh my God. Yes, dude. Go to the video. It makes you feel sick. Somebody posted this with Bobby Lee on Twitter.

It was a guy fucking a chicken. It was a guy literally fucking a chicken, dude. It was insane. Like he's sticking his dick inside of. chicken. I didn't even know chicken that pussy. People are freaks, man. Yeah, it's just banging that fucking egg. There's an egg he's slapping. Oh, that's a cute fucking bat. No, it's not. Well, he's cool looking. No, he's not. He's a bat and he's in soup. That's not where bats are supposed to be. It's definitely not. It's frightening. But that's the thing.

But here's the other thing. Go. That's the last time you saw something positive from the Chinese in the American media. Do you guys got the coronavirus popping right now? And they're eating fucking baths and hot tubs. Oh, you're saying like, you're saying this is a PR spin. I'm just saying we never post anything positive on the Chinese We get the phones from them that's good Your shirt Sneakers there's lots of positive things But it's never in the media

It's never popping like oh check out the fucking Chinese making all these sneakers Son made in China it says it right on it You got Reeboks on well maybe they're made somewhere else This might be by you Kat You're the last guy's Vietnam Let's go Y'all coming through man Where's your virus

On its way On its way No but it is a fucking It is a thing So you're saying it's a complete PR spin So we have like a negative view of China I'm just saying whenever time it hits the news It's always negative shit

Well that's the people Maybe they're not doing positive out here though you know Bro aren't they harvesting organs or some shit Listen I'm sure there's a lot of nice Chinese people They're buying a bunch of land in Mexico Are they buying a land in Mexico And you would be upset about that Because

They're taking over Your country I'm telling you, dude, Shob is Mexican Brendan a Shab Yeah, dude, we have to talk about it We have to talk about the Chinese How do you non-Chinese Asians view the Chinese? Be honest now, be honest

Because I know, I've been out there, be honest I think I think most people would say If you've been around Chinese people Not all Super hot races take from Chen. Let's go. This is good. There's no more racism than Asian for Asians.

I know this. That's why I'm asking them because they know the answer to the question that I'm asking. They're just trying to find a way to Hollywood themselves around it. Listen, some might come off as a little bit, you know, rude. Eating baddie. Rood. Rood. Yeah. Bat shake crazy. So not

not not favorable. Asians don't really love the Chinese. I don't know. Is there that much hatred? Let's be honest here. I will say for Vietnamese people, generally, Vietnamese people can't stand Chinese people. Thank you.

So what would that be equivalent? What's that equivalent to in America? Huh? Who do we can't stand? Honestly, I don't know if we know enough other countries to care. Well, I'm saying, but in America. That's the thing about being Americans. We do not give a fuck about anybody else's shit.

I don't think we like or hate. We're just like, you're there so that we can have the Olympics every four years. Other than that, you're meaning. But I'm saying in America. Yeah. Like, is there anyone who America is like, What would be... We don't have beef with anybody. It's over. It's done.

You lost. Mexicans. We love Mexicans. We love them. Everybody. Black Jews. Mexico. Everyone's killing it. Everybody's killing. But as far as your country goes... No pun intended. We're not going with that.

There's no like... Who are we beefing with, realistically, globally? Russia. Are we? Oh, fucking Iran, dude. They did. They fucking ran, bro. I mean, that's no problem.

They didn't want no smoke. Bro, they thought they wanted smoke, right? They knocked on the door of an embassy. We took out their number two. That's what happens. Dude, did you fuck with the fucking boys? That's what happens. You definitely don't watch this cartoon, but Rick and Morty,

there's a cartoon. I don't know any cartoon. Oh, fuck, Rick and Morty's classic. I don't know, Spongebordy. I don't know, Rick and Morty. Growing up cartoon, it's the funniest cartoon of all time, won all these fucking Emmys. But they have a thing where you don't see it.

The Rick and Moyer where it goes, you son of a bitch, I'm in. When we're about to go to war with Iran, you said Germany is right now like, you son of bitch, I'm in. Because they're always down, aren't they? They learn their lesson before. You son of a bitch, I'm in. You son of a bitch, I'm in. This one?

Yeah. That's what happens, bro. They fuck with the boys, bro. You can't fuck with the boys. You want to get our frogs loose, bro? Yo. That means that's Navy Seals. I thought that was a new disease from these motherfuckers.

He's what the fucking frog. That's what I thought. Wait a bit. Of course. No, but dude, the frogs could go. All I'm saying is... You want to release the frogs? Yo, I was on hyenas talking about this, but it drove me crazy because that week you had all

these fucking hipsters talking about their like geopolitical takes, right? And they're like, oh, don't poke the bear. Don't poke the bear. Who's the bear? We're the bear. We're the fucking, we're the bear, the otter, the bull, the pup. We're the chubby bear, bro. America's a chubby bear.

We're a chubby bear, dude. No, we are a chubby bear. We're a big old grizzly. Yeah. We're a big, ready for the winner. No, no, no, no. Nobody wants this smoke.

I'm just saying. You got to put shit in perspective. Hold my fucking bat. Here's it. That's the thing. Like, people think, you think China could take us out in a war?

They have so many people and they have nuclear weapons. Here's the thing. It would be problems. No, it would be. We don't want any problems with Rush. Because Russia's fucking, Russia's backing up Chinese. Out thinks China's got,

out thinks every Chinatown in America's sleeper self in China. That's fair. I believe that. Do you believe that? He believes that. He feels at any point in time they snap their fingers and then all of a sudden they start attacking us. Let's ask the Asians. Thoughts?

The Chinese just got some shit. Organized crime for sure. Organized crime, but that's not like direct connect to China. Trying to have so many people. That's so many more people than us. It'd be problems. It would be problems. We would beat them but it would be chaos.

Texas takes out China alone. Nobody else just Texas. A bunch of Texas. I'll put Texas all against any other country in the whole world and it's easy. Seven game series, we sweep it. Four, zero. Not even a question. Hashtag America.

What else you got? Grab your fucking nuts. Okay, so did you guys see the Super Bowl halftime show? Yes. Wait, who's hotter? Jailo or Shakira. It's Shakira by a million fucking miles, dude. No way.

And close. Jailo is wearing a fucking maxi pad during her entire performance. Did you see that? The wings were flapping out the sides of it. I couldn't even look at her vagina without thinking about her ovaries. You're the only one room for Shakira. Yeah, because you have to understand

what's going on, okay? I'm in a relationship, all right? Okay. So what I'm thinking, I'm not thinking, you guys are thinking about J-Lo, you're thinking about legacy, you're thinking about all these other things. I'm thinking about busting nuts, doggy style.

Who do you think is going to make the nuts bust? Did you see Shakira's hips telling the truth? No, I'll give you that. Bro. I get that. I get that. You see them telling the truth, bro.

That hips were telling the truth. All that shake, boom, pop, pop, pop, pop. She's so tiny, bro. That's the thing. How long when she liked that camera? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. She went for it.

She went for it. Now, here's the thing. Is this it? That's the thing. Yeah, that shit wasn't good. You know who she was talking to? Fucking ISIS, bro. I know.

That's true. Dude, I really thought it was about to be a terrorist attack at the Super Bowl. I was like, yo, she's signaling them. Now, I'll give you this. Jail had it on that thick makeup, dude. Look, Jalo is stunning. Badi the fuck up. Stunning.

She's body the fucked up. I think Aaron Rodriguez got her on some shit because she wasn't like this before Aaron. No, Aaron. Aaron. Arodrod. Arodrod. Alex. Alex is chubby in the face now.

Yeah, he might be a little chubby in the face. My point is this. Shakira for one fuck, one night of fucking, look at the hip thing. You're not going to experience that anywhere else. You're not going to experience that anywhere else. You know how many big dudes Jalo has fucked? go through the list. Ben Affleck. Pete Diddy. Fucked everybody.

Drake. Drake. Who's fucking with Shakira, dude? But when you're fucking a girl, you're thinking about like what guy she's holstered? Oh yeah. Why? Because I'm a freak, son. So you're banging it and you're like fucking Diddy was in here. That would cross my mind because me and Diddy like the same cars. So if Diddy took up for a spin?

I want to take it for a spin. I see. Now that's weird. See, I don't want to think about Diddy when I'm having sex. No, I'm not thinking about him. I just go, okay, he, he, Only time I think about Diddy when I'm having sex is when I'm looking at a girl and I go, take that, take that, take that. Take that, take that. Take that. Take that. Take that. That's for the old heads. Listen. Look at Shakira, dude. The way she moves her hips and it doesn't work in the pictures. In the pictures, you're going to look at J-Lo.

But when you look at the way she moves the hips, it's about the way she moves the hips. It's not even a question. Like, you're talking about a unique sexual experience with that one girl on the left. It is a truly unique sexual experience. She's tiny. She's fiery, though. She's fiery, though. Fierloy. Hips are moving. like crazy. It's going to be a different thing. Your dick never experienced that in your life. J-Lo, beautiful girl. A thousand of hers.

I mean, you could get a part-chester. 100%. I bet she writes that. 100%. She's not going to ride that dick better than any other girl from the Bronx. I don't know. Oh, Cardi B's from the Bronx, right? You think Cardi can't take it down more than J-Lo? Oh, 100%. I'm not, I'm not. I'm not. So that's what I'm saying.

You know who could give Cardi a run for her money? Shakira right there, that Columbia mommy. It's not a question. I'm just selling me on it, dude. And I kind of have a chub right now. Do you? A little bit. Keep going.

Keep going. Okay. If you got any gifts or any movement of the hips, you would see what's going on. You're just going to lay on your back. You don't, you lay on your back. You give Shakira the whole night with her on top. You don't even try to fuck on top. No.

You lay on your back. And then she goes to work all night. It's not about lazy. It's about you giving her that back. You're right, dude. But you got to let her work. I mean, oh, it's just different. She's just tiny.

So look, look, Jayla looks amazing. There's no meat on either one of them. They're super skinny. No, Jaila has a little bit of meat. Stop it, stop it. Here's the other thing. Hey, here's the other thing. What's the other thing?

When did titties not become cool anymore? Everybody flat-chested these days. That's true. You like some, you like some jugs? I don't like huge knockers. What? Why? Yo, Shob is really four years old, me.

This guy. You fought a big tits and you're like, ooh-hoo-ho-ho. You turn it into a fucking teenager. It's like big tits. It's like, well, fuck, man.

I'm like, like, fucking Beth Chapman, like, Doug the Bounty Hunter tits, you know, but like, Beth Chapman.

That's such a reference. Dude. But, like, titties aren't cool anymore. Well, what would you rather have? Would you rather have?

I, I personally don't need tits. Like, I want proportion, body, but I don't want some hips. I don't like, flat chest. I like some cake.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I like some hips. I like some cake. And then if you got a little titty, that's fine. That's extra. Little titty's extra. Little titty's extra. I don't like none. No, you don't want to make like the fart sound when you're on top of it. Yeah, no. Yeah, I think there's this comic name Daniel Simonson. He's so fucking funny.

This kid, he's from Norway, but he performs at the cellar and he has this great joke about his chest is concave. Oh, it's so funny, man. This kid is so good. Anyway Well, shut up. Look at that. Look at that back to back. Go back to that.

Watch the ass shake and you tell me who you want. Look at J-Lo struggling. J-Lo struggling. J-Lo is struggling. J-Lo looked like she's falling down. Yeah, you right. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. Look at Shakira.

You know what? After looking at that tape? That's not even question. After doing the playback? I mean, look at that. Oh, my, good, nikai. I'll be a yes. Okay.

I'm on board. All right. What's next? I'm with either. Go ahead, Kat. This one? Sure. All right.

So yesterday a video was posted with G.E.Z kissing up on Meg the Stallion, and everyone is super upset. Why they have white? Because I think, I don't know if it's because he's white, but also his girlfriend. Fuck them other. Fuck the, the Shakira and J-Lo. If you look at Meg the Stallion. You like that. That's what you like doing for that.

You into... Ha! Makes me mad! She's so fine, bro. Really? Oh, my God. You're into that big time. Is she Bronx?

Houston. Texas. That's wifey, son. Really? Yeah. You're really into it. Oh, I love it. Interesting.

Yeah, I love it. So, does a video? That's not your style, is it? I think she's like dance is really cool, and I like her personality and that kind of stuff, but it's not my ideal. Because she's like 6-2 or something, right? What? She's, like, close to 6 feet tall.

What? Yeah. Oh shit, they're like making up. Oh. G.E.Z. Be getting some hose, though. How about that Hulsey diss, though? What happened?

You didn't hear the Halsy song? No. No. Oh, shit. Who's this? What's this? Oh, I think that's... Oh, G.E.

He's the sweet. Oh, he's grabbing her ass too. Oh, he's busted nuts. Get for G. I mean, it's a great move. Can't hold you down, you know? Great move. I don't know what Halsie is.

Halsey, the singer? I understand she's a singer, but like, I don't understand the purpose of her. She makes dope beat. She makes the music. Like, what is she? She's a really good singer. I think she's bisexual.

Super sexy girl. Everyone's bisexual now, right? That's just what you do if you're a girl and you're famous? Is there any girl that's straight? Can you point me to one girl that's straight? Is that her on the right right there? Yeah, that's her. Well, that's a bad picture.

Come on, shit. Help me out here. Here? Well, her dad's black. She was complaining online about they have no shampoo for black people in hotels. I'm like, this bitch has some nerve. And then I found her dad's black. Oh, she's missing.

Yeah. I see. But she's by now. This week. Is there any straight girl that's just 100% straight? I don't know. It's like so cool to be by these days, isn't it? But does that exist? I don't know. In the entertainment. You guys are in Hollywood. I don't think it ever exist. Everybody's gay, right? I think just now they're more open about it. Tell me Lovato's gay? Yeah. Is there anybody that's just 100% straight? That's a girl.

Do they feel like they could be comfortable being straight? Or is that like a news if you're offensive. You won't get any headlines if you're just straight. Man, dude. But I celebrate Halsey and whatever she wants to do, you know? Yeah, I mean, she's cool, I guess. I don't know. Is the music good? Yeah, she makes some good tunes. I like her. The album's pretty sweet. She's super depressing, though.

Do you like your cat? Every now and then, I guess. That's a no. That's a no. Who do you like more? Her, the Chinese. I'm going to go with Halsey. It took you a second. Okay. She's a baddie, though. What does you get you? How many more you want?

Give me one more. One more. Let's do this one then. Elon Musk has an EDM soundtrack. A song. Hey, but just be a billionaire. But just shut your fucking mouth. Bro.

Make electric cars and be a billionaire, dude. Elon. Dude, make more flame throwers so we can buy it and fuck around. Here's a question. Less music, more flame thores. Can we listen to the song? Let's just listen to a tiny bit of it. Now, it's the hot track.

I'm making a hate on it. Exactly. And you got all the money to get the best. Equipments? Equipment also producers, etc. Did DJ Khalid? And that's his vocals on here too. Okay, give me a second.

Okay, that's that Euro shit. This is that Burnham. Okay, he's a little late to the game with this, but... Don't doubt your vibe. No, he's somehow hacking us with this or like... Absorbing our brainwave. Hey, dude! Get out of it.

I don't even feel comfortable looking at it. I don't feel comfortable. Him in studio. Dude. But get us to the moon Fuck your hot tracks Stop it with this moon shit bro You don't want to go to the moon

There's nothing there We know there's nothing there What about Mars? No Why are we spending all this money To go to places where we know nothing's there We took pictures of it It's like going to Arizona

Right It's like we know it's just gonna be desert What are we doing here? I have no idea It's a stupid goal But I think they're just using it to get crazy money From the Gov So he could fund all his other shit

Do you see that Chinese billionaire trying to fly some date with him to the fucking moon? No, like a robot or something, right? No, he's trying to get a date to go to Mars or some shit. I think it's the Japanese dude who invented the program. Oh, that's right. And he's trying to do with. What I say, Chinese?

Yeah. Damn, son. Come on, sign. Those days, dude. Damn, sign. That's fucked up, bro. It's fucked up. You should know better, shall up.

I should know better, man. Is that it? I'm sorry, guys. There's a serious one, but I don't know if you guys want to talk about that. Beyonce and Jay-Z not standing up for the, Oh, I saw that. I didn't see it. Let me see.

They didn't stand for the National Anthem. Yeah, National Anthem. Hey, just by saying, you want to disrespect the flag? Go somewhere else? Yeah. Yeah. So that's when Demi's singing and their family's just sitting down. What is it?

But hold on, hold on. So basically everyone else is standing. He's the, he's the, he's the connect. Yes. To the culture for black people of the NFL. Yeah. He's the one who. He was supposed to be the Kaepernick's right-hand man.

He got Kaepernick the workouts and all that shit. And Kaepernick posted this. I thought we were past kneeling, though. Yeah. So he just reposted it on his Instagram. So now Kaepernick is going at Beyonce and St.Z. So are we sure that they actually sat during the anthem or did somebody take a picture of them sitting

and then put it over the anthem to create some controversy? That's possible? Or could they not stand for some weird reason? Like Beyonce's dress or ass was blown out there? I don't know. But I mean, most likely they were sitting during the anthem. So the reason why this is, the reason why this is stupid, one, is because he said, I thought we're passing kneeling. And two, you know the cost of that.

So every decision you make when you're in public as a celebrity, you are aware of, especially when you're an event of this magnitude, you know that you're on camera. So every decision you make is calculated. So if it was hypothetically, if they did sit during the national anthem, they wanted people to know they're sitting during the national anthem. They know for a fact. you want it. Now, that's a PR move. Exactly. So if you want people to know, then Jay, I don't know if you're in the right position to go

to Kaepernick, now we're not kneeling anymore. My feeling really, my thing with Cap, it's like, do something, dude. But do something, bro. Right. You're not out there. He's not out there giving any sort of, you're not trying to raise awareness. He gave a lot of money. He gave a million away.

Like, he's been about it. Cap's been about it. The tricky thing him trying to be in the league again like that's what I don't understand is like if this league disrespected you this league did all this shit that hold up hold up he did he he's a he gave a million away yeah what she makes a year from Nike son he gave a million dollars of his own money away like just cash a lot of money bro that ain't shit for him how much money he's making doing this this shit well the Nike contract is way more about contract yeah but he has a new contract to him he's making more money now than it was playing football see I don't know if that's true you don't think so I don't

know I don't think he is man I really don't I think that's why he wants to play, because at the end of the day, it's like, there's a love of the game, but there's also a lot of money that comes in a game. I think he's more valuable not playing. I think he is more value to the cause not playing, but I think if he makes it about him playing, it distracts from the issue which he's trying to raise awareness for.

And then as far as, like, the anthem thing, it's like, my thing is it's so little. It's just such a little thing. Like, you don't have to join the military in America. You don't have to go to basic training. There's like literally no cost to being American, right? Like, you pay taxes if you make enough money. but you get to live in the best place in the whole world

you get the most opportunity to do whatever the fuck you want be in an entertainment sports or whatever the whole world has to come here you can do outside of soccer to like make money at whatever they want to do in entertainment or sports or these types of things the whole world you already are grandfathered into it

no v's nothing and then the cost is like be cool just stand up for the anthem we're not even asking that much you know you don't have to join the army like in other countries where it's mandatory service literally if they made a rule that was just like, hey, can you just stand up for an anthem? Ours is don't disrespect the flag. That's all you got to do.

Don't shit on the flag. A lot of people were making the argument that it wasn't disrespectful to the flag because Cap asked the guy who was in the Navy. He was like, what were the Marine? What was the best way to go about this? And the guy was like, why don't you just take a knee? Because the knee is like a sign of I'm acknowledging it, but I don't.

I'm trying to raise awareness to this day. The whole thing is confusing. Like, if you want to boycott the police, then you do that at the police station. You don't do that at the NFL. Like, it's just, you want to boycott brutality, but then you're going to do it at the sport that's the most brutal. But also, Jay-Z. There's so many things are conflating it.

There's so much shit. And it's also like, Jay-Z, if you don't agree with their agenda, whatever, then I feel is. Don't be part of it. Don't go to the game. You're the one fucking doing all the shit for it. It's, that's why I don't even think it's real. Yeah, I don't know. Who knows?

And, and, low-key, not only do I not think it's real. Like, I think it's, it's, nah, you got to know motherfuckers are standing up. They know. They know. I don't know if that's real. I can't ask them questions. I can't fathom it's real because, like, they're too smart for that. Yeah, and he went out on a limb.

Like, when he went said publicly, we're passing Neeland. When he said that public, that was a big statement. He got a lot of flack for. He got a lot of flag for it. So, I don't know. I don't know. I need some more facts. Maybe she blew out her dress or assholes.

You like Beyonce? I love Beyonce. Yeah, Beyonce bad. I don't like her music. Like the way she looks. What about the voice? You like that voice? Sure.

Like the talking voice. I'd like her to sing to me. No, not singing. Talking. She is a really deep voice. Are you into that? I'm into her. You're into you like a girl with a deep voice?

I'm into Beyonce with a deep voice. You'll put up with a deep voice because... I'll put up with some shit. I'll put up with some shit to be Beyonce's side piece. Okay. Okay. Appreciate you, Doug. Yo, thank you, my brother.

That's it, man. How long have we been going for a while? It's a pretty long one. Two hours, maybe? All right, dude. Be cool. Chin don't yell out, man. Damn, son.

Damn, dude. Damn, bro. Come on. Sorry, are you doing any day? Mark, jerk off on chin real quick. Just to let him know where he's fans and all this, bro. Mark, jack off on the floor.

Are you doing any dates to your special? Yes. What do you mean by that? I mean, are you doing it like, well, it's not the date, bro. Of course you're doing it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so we're away every weekend preparing for it. Yeah, weird.

Yeah, 100%. Also, we got a few tickets left for the fourth show. If anybody's listening. In L.A.? In L.A. Yeah. God, I hope I'm in town so I can come to one year and nine shows. Easter weekend?

You're out? I don't know. When is Easter weekend? You say it like I'm soon? April 11th and 12th. If I'm here, if I'm in town. Oh, you're going to Hawaii this week? I don't know if this will be out by then, but Hawaii this weekend.

This be out by then. This isn't New York podcasting. This is out today, bro. Damn, son. Well, Hawaii. Hey, brother. How's it? Shoots.

Shoots. Come down to the show at the Blue Node. Shoots, brother. Shoots, brother. Okay, drive your Tacoma. Have you been down there yet? I've been to Kauai. And I've been to Honolulu.

You performed in Kauai? No, that's my first time. No one's in Kauai. Yeah, yeah, that's my first time. I just went surfing. I grew up surfing. So I went to Hawaii to surf. You grew up surfing, New York?

Yeah. So you grew up boogie boarding? No. There's no waves out of that. I surfed, dog. Come on the world surfing. Oh, really? Yeah.

Have you surfed in Malibun? The Big Bois shit? Yeah. Like James Beach and shit? Yeah, I surfed in Kaui. All right. That's big boy shit. North Shower?

What's up, bro? I didn't do North Shore. You didn't make for that, bro. You're going off, dude. That shit was... North Shore is serious shit. You can die. Yeah, for real.

But now I always try to surf wherever we... Wherever we, wherever we're by the water... I try to make that happen. I used to surf every day when I moved to L.A. Really? Yeah, my big ass to get out there. Oh, yeah, I love that. Dude, let's go serve!

I've been on board and shit. I haven't gone probably four years, though. It's kind of like golf. You got to do it. You just don't try surfing. It's such a beast. It's a really funny sentence. I have my own board and shit.

I have my own board and shit. You're just taking people's boards. Well, you rent one. You're done with that, bro? You rent one. Yeah, that's right. I was embarrassed too because I carry my board and people like, are you paddle boarding? Like, no, bitch, it's my board.

But you're a big boy. Yeah, it's a big board. All right, dude, go see Andrew in fucking Hawaii. I'd love to go out there. I'm just, I don't know. It'd be fun. Bring the fam. I'm in San Antonio this Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Valentine's Day weekend, Ontario Improv. That's for Valentine's Day. Vancouver, JFL comedy festival, one show only What are you doing? 100 tickets left. I'm doing the Vogue Theater in Vancouver. So nice, we did that. I'm excited for that one.

So nice. Then I close February in Tacoma and then March, theater run, Chicago, Atlanta, New Orleans, Toronto, Detroit, Minneapolis, get your tickets, T-Packay.com. Where are you doing Chicago? Where is the Bulls play? Not there. I don't know.

Chicago's a devil. Yeah, some theater. there there. Good for you, dude. Thanks, dude. Appreciate dude. Thank you, my man. Love you, man. Andrew Shaltz, everybody. This, fine kid. We're out.