The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 544 Joel McHale

Episode Date: June 14, 2026

Joel McHale joins Brendan and Bryan on today's TFATK to sip Japanese whiskey, teach you how to cook the perfect steak and to talk his Samoan penis, diet and workout regiment, the zombie apocalypse, his days as a division one football player, conspiracy theories, current events, his upcoming podcast with Ken Jeong and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. For sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight Club. Fight Club.

Hmm. Kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Honestowness. studios in Plyar, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live.

That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. But we're not live. We don't do it. Shut up, man. And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Shut.

This is not live. This is not live. Joe saw that at the civilization. He goes, Asian. No, no, he was offensively saying karate. Oh. Oh, karate.

I said, I should have said karate, which is the proper Asian. Is it? All Asians say karate. I don't know if that's true. Joel. This is my problem when I watch the, we're already getting into it. Watch the news. Are we recording?

Are we live? Tell me when you hear. Someone on go, they're like a local L.A. news and they are doing a live report from somewhere. And then they're like, well, this is Maria Gonzalez, live from Pomona. And then I go, okay, now I get it. And but then I go, but what, and then people say, well, it's proper to do it that way. But then I go, what region of either of Central America or Mexico or South America or Spain? Argentina?

Where? Does that mean that when someone says, I would like some chau main, that I have to say, Chau Mien. Okay. Does that mean, does it mean that I know as a white dude, it's really like so typical to ask that. Right. You are white, obviously. I mean, I just, you have an exotic sort of, your hair tends to, there's an uprush going on.

Oh, there's, and your body looks, your body looks African American. Oh, wow. A little bit. It's a little racist. No, just, he just looks like, racist. It's racist. racist Wednesday with Brian. Now, hold on.

He looks athletic and muscular and very lean. Here's the interesting part. My penis is American Samoan. I didn't know that. It's very, long and fat. How dare you? Again. So many.

His penis is diabetic. Oh, my God. Is this too much? No. What am I saying? His penis has really fat ankles. Oh, my God. The end of, yeah, the lower part of his cock is things.

The penis says a moana tits. No, it has tattoos right up just under the head, just right up on the edge. Oh, you have the war tattoos on there. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Sorry. No, no, no, no. Good.

We worked it out. This is a very nice studio. Thank you, sir. I mean, it really shows your success. We've done very well. Congratulations. Congratulations to you. Well, thank you.

You said he had an athletic build bead. Did you know he played Division I football? I did know that, but I heard that a long time ago. I think you play tight end at USC. God damn it. All right. Washington, man. Washington's a husky.

The only Pac-12 school that matters. What? Is that right? Yeah, see, that's a fun, intimidating thing to pull out, but then I look at you and your ears and I go, that's the most intimidating thing on the planet. Yeah, that's a different body type. That's why tattoos aren't intended. He's like, it's just, that just shows you, you've done it.

Yeah, he's done. I guess. I wish I could just cauliflower in my ears now. Yeah, yeah. You could. I could start, but then... Played a Colorado. You play to Colorado.

Do you want all four years? Did you play all four years? No, no, I quit after a year and a half. I never played. I was a redshirt. You were a redshirt walk-on? I was a walk-on. So then they saw how bad I was.

And then I got better. And then they redshirted me when I was a sophomore. Right. And then I, my ADHD kicked in and I left. So you know how redshirt and like walk-ons would be? So you're like the run. So you're like, you're the scout team. So let's say he was playing SC, he would have to be the scout team guy.

If he was tied in, he'd have to mimic what that guy does. Exactly. It's the worst job in the world. It's not great. You had a scholarship and were there for a reason. Hold on. I was a walk-on for a year and a half and then got a scholarship. Good for you.

But he was also like an Ivy League. You played lacrosse and you got that? Ivy League? Ivy League? No, you were a freshman in a year. Yeah. Yeah, I played lacrosse at another show. He's a really good athlete.

Vassar, right? No, he's a very good athlete at Harvard. Yes. But what's funny is he always says to me, I don't know from this, but I look at him, I go, you're huge. And he says, not that huge. You see the guys they played football with, and then I'll see guys who, and I go, oh, Jesus Christ. That's what you're competing with. So you're a big guy.

But then I look at him and I go, bigger. Am I crazy? Joel's bigger than me. No, I'm sorry, Baba. Now, look, Joel, is... How tall are you, Joel? He's a big kid. Yeah, I'm 6'4.

But you're a different friend. Bobby, you're a different friend. This is, but you have the cool, you know, watch a half thing. Joe, Joel, you're about 220, 215? I thank you for saying that. No, I'm about 207. 207. I'm down a bit.

Now, now, now, says... I would do anything be 2,000. I know, now, he's 27. I dropped down to 190, about a year. Oh, good for you. And how did you feel? That would be impossible for him. I could actually see my stomach muscles for the first time.

You know when you got jacked is in that movie, the horror movie the horror movie the band. Thank you for seeing it Bring it up That's one of my It's one of my favorite

horror movies What is it? So goddamn good How dare you? Deliver us from evil Yes, thank you You were acting heavy And you could have been

Acting heavy You know who took your job You were You know who got your job Who? In a quiet place John Krasinski Oh no no

He I never He played He never had that job Oh wow Yeah there it am Yeah that's Oh there's me being interviewed With fake tattoos

He was like a detective and they're hunting this bad guy down, but you're pretty jacked in that. He's thin. And that's, I wait more now. Eric Bano. Yeah, no, and it described in the thing, it said you have to be,

you were much bigger than Eric Bannon. And Eric was, is big. Yeah. But then I had, I went to the gym, like. Well, he was Hulk. I'm a fan of his. He's such a, I hate him. Yeah.

Very hard to deal with. I'm going on the record here and saying he is a piece of shit. Jesus, Joel. Come on. He is way to. So when my wife first met him, she was like, yeah, he's very attractive. And I said, you hit very as in you don't put that word in front of me. She was like, he just looks like a movie star.

And I was like, okay. Is he Australian? He is. He has a sketch show. Had a sketch show. Yeah, he was supposed to be a, he wanted to be a comic. Yeah. He had like the number one sketch show in Australia.

Oh, wow. Then he got this movie called Chopper, which you guys would love. I saw it. I've ever seen it. Saw it. Based on a true story. Yes. Loved it.

It's a real guy. And based on that, take a look at him. He got, yeah. Holy shit. Oh, yeah. He wasn't joking around. Oh, wow. He got Jack.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And then he started getting cast internationally in all these serious roles. Oh, wow. And no one knew him as a comedian. I mean, that's, that is a Oscar winning performance. Oh, wow. Chopper?

One of my favorite movies. That and Bronson with Tom Hardy. Those two movies. You go, oh, and there's the real chopper. Yeah. Damn, that's sweet. Did you like Tom Hardy's Spider-Man Venom? See, I love Venom.

Everyone hates on it. I thought it was great. Were you distracted by his accent? No, not really. You don't look like Tom Hardy. I get that a lot. You know, I think it's a compliment. You couldn't be bigger.

He's 1.40 naturally. Well, we're not, we're not, he didn't say you're the same size as Tom Hardy. I don't see it. I get it all the time. You're probably Tom Hardy size. Who would you say? I'm a little bigger, taller. Tom's definitely.

stronger. Hold on. You went, don't do that. Don't do that. Don't do that. Go ahead, no. Don't go, hmm, when I say that because I did a movie with him now. With Tom, what? With Tom Hardy. You did? Yeah. With which one? Tom Hardy. Which movie? A movie called Warrior.

He's a hell of an actor, though. Oh, yeah. Is that the fight? That's the fighter one. Yes. He plays the brothers. Yes. I never saw it. I've no defense. You never saw Warrior. You'd love it. I don't like fight movies. It has nothing to do with fighting. You'd love it. Oh, it's a story about brothers? Two brothers.

Who have to fight. So it's a phenomenal movie. You have to fight to pay the bills? I thought you were great in that. You played what? His accountant? Joe, I feel like you're being... Okay, so I'm going to ask you.

I played... He was Jack Citi in that. Yes, he was. Jack Cid. I played Brian Callan. You played basically the Joe Rogan of it, right? I played the Joe Rogan role. Oh, you did?

I did. Did you... Yeah, so that was... He's a lot bigger than that. You know, Joe, that's not the point, man. I feel like... I feel like you're being super insulting. I'm not insulting.

I'm just trying to be... Quietly. You're doing it where I key. You're doing it quietly. and you're doing a Socratic thing. You're asking questions, but I think you know the answer. Thank you for saying that I'm a Socrates. I didn't give you a compliment there, but I was a handsome son of a bitch.

Take a look at me. Let's zoom in on that picture. Listen, you need to fill out the 401K. This is going to be a lot of money and you want to put it away. And you want to use it when you're 60 because it'll grow. Those weren't the fucking lions, bro. His suit was tailored, huh? Well, Jesus Christ.

You actually, it's a tighter suit than that. It's a bad angle. Right. Now, are you, it looks like you're in a fight in that scene. Well, my natural, I have a martial presence. My natural tilt is to keep my chin down. So if you swing at me, you're going to catch forehead. Oh, and Joel Edgerton's in that too, huh?

Yeah, I'm not going to catch forehead. He's a monster. And a good writer and a director. Yeah. Both guys are, those are tightens of acting. Yeah. And then you got you in there, That's just great for you.

Wasn't it? See? I'm trying to. I see what you're saying that I'm doing, and I don't realize I'm doing it. No, you do realize it, though. I really saw. Don't go shoot. Hey, Joel, do you have anything to do with talk soup coming back?

Did they call you like, hey, is this cool to do? Call the soup, my friend. The soup. Yeah, it's called soup. His was talk soup, though, and this is the soup, right? Well, no, mine was the soup as well. Okay. Because that, when that talk soup was only about talk shows,

way back when before you were born when you were getting out of graduate school and see what I'm doing. Yeah, and this is not appropriate. I don't like it. Okay, well, you don't enjoy it. It's not appropriate right now. This is, oh, hey, yeah, that was me, yeah.

All right. Different, there's a lot of different hair. Yeah. Hair going on. Yeah. They, no, they, I have nothing to do with the new one. Nothing. I mean, I was fired four years ago, so, or three years ago. I didn't know that. I didn't, yeah. I thought you were just like, God I'm fucking done with them. No, they, uh, it was, it wasn't, they, you know, they were like, we're not doing the show anymore.

And, uh, well, it's, I felt like it was a big hit. It did was, it did very well. But, uh, now this is, you can just cut this out because this is boring as hell. At that time, you had, uh, Chelsea and Joan Rivers and myself. And they were, it was like comedy that they had it like two hours of comedy, uh, a day, basically. And then, uh, the writers guild. came in and said, hey, you guys are have written comedy. And at that point, and E, still to this day,

is one of those cable networks that does, there's no unions. So there's no actual writers. They're all producers. So that's why with like Kardashians, there's no writers, right? Even though everything's written. And that's why they can air the show endlessly. They can re-air a show 25 times a week. So they used to run the soup like, I don't know, 13 or 14 times.

So then they said, you've got to pay. writers are we're going to protest. And I was, and I, the writer's like, fantastic. And I was like, great, they'll get paid more. But then, then Chelsea left. Joan very sadly died. And then we were the last man on the island. And then he saw, oh, every rerun costs this much money. That does not fit our model. This was very, this was very boring what I just said. So then they were like, so then they were like, goodbye. And I were like, okay. And then, and then I hope the new girl does well. Do you know her at all?

I met her a few weeks ago at the Lafactory before the world exploded. And now you're here COVID-free, hopefully. Well, my gonorrhea is pretty contagious. Yeah, well, we're going to take a look at that. You don't, you want to mess with his couch afterwards. No, no, I understand. For like a day. And turn up the heat.

Okay, we'll turn the heat up. Any of your friends have it? No. No, and I'm not. Michael Yo has it. Oh, Jade got, I know Jade. You know her very well. You just realized she just talks to.

That's a big deal. for her. That's fucking awesome. I mean, I hope it does well. I hope that, you know. I don't know what does, and this, I've worked for you a ton. I don't know what does well on any besides the Kardashians. It has very much become the Kardashian network, but they are some of the most recognizable people ever.

They're doing it for a reason. I mean, they've steered into it very smartly. And, I mean, it's still, it's a huge show. It's huge. But I don't know what's, I'm not sure what else is on E these days. it's not like I Oh, botched. All right, that does well.

I think that does well. Yeah. I'd like to go on there. You know botched one to fix my ears? Everything looks great. You know a botch one to fix my ears? No, I like yours. Yeah.

Do they hurt ever? No. Isn't there a thing, though, that it can, they can become painful? When it's happening, it's like awful. It hurts so bad. But then it just, it gets harder. It calcifies.

But that, but can they break? Can it break? Well, he can't. Like, there's been fighters where it gets really hard and they get in a, like, a scuffle and they, like, rip off or something. That's not good. Not good. And so yours is from wrestling. My grappling wrestling.

He was in the UFC. Heavyweight. For 10 years. 10 years. Yeah. Right? Is that fair? Not 10 years.

Six? I was in the UFC, I think, six fought for about eight. Other than, your face is, you don't, there's no, uh... Thanks, man. No, uh, big scars. Got his nose broke. So what happened with you, Brian? What's your excuse?

I had my nose broken a couple of times. I can, yeah. From Taquando. From what? Tequando. Karate, Kung Fu, I mean, whatever it is. Oh, yeah. That's a bad one.

So sorry. And my box. You box? Yeah, box this morning. Who did you fight? Okay. So I just today was hitting just Mitz. So again.

You hit a MIT. Nope. I said Mits. See, and now you're doing that thing again. I am not. I swear to you. I see what I keep doing and I apologize. Okay.

So. And it keeps happening. But I don't know why I keep doing it. What do you do for your workouts? I pretty much just lift weights. At your house? Yeah, and then I have an airdine bike. Of course.

That'll do it. You know the air dine thing? It's such a beast. When I played football, they would say, get on that thing for 10 minutes. People are like, no problem. They go, keep it above 60 RPMs or whatever. You want to die. The best athletes on the team would fall off that.

Oh, you die. But then you have like a strict diet? you have to be doing something or you just genetically thank you. Okay. He's Norwegian. He's of Scandinavian descent. What's your descent?

What explains this? Now, listen, I'm Irish-Italian. Oh. Yeah. Southern Italian. That's a rare combination in America. It's a rare combination. Southern Italian.

Didn't get a lot of the height. You got some nice tits on you there. That's not a good example. Well, that's a long time ago. Thank you. Yeah. There's Jim Rash. Yeah.

Are you going to some weird diet or what? No, I just strategically, so this morning I had two cups of coffee and a gram cracker. Yeah, fuck yeah. That's about. I knew I liked you, dude. See, because I was like, I'm never going to not eat pasta. I'm just not going to eat all of it. That's right.

Portion control is, and then I have, you know, six bottles of wine at night. Yeah. And that is a, that's good part. That's what I do. I drink. I like to drink. Obsess with Tiger King. and almost done with it.

You're almost done. I can't believe you ever. I need to get, I need a show. This is your show. It's seven series, seven part series. All right,

because that new Call of Duty, the Warzone thing just happened and I can't not play that. Oh, really? Are you a video game guy? I love video games. Really? So much.

But how old are your kids? 12 and 14. They're boys. And they're into video games. Yeah. They're so, they're so good. Well,

one of them is into Madden. And like, I watch him kick people. He's 12 and he plays online. Yeah, and he kicks people's asses all over the place. And he will like, he will just, he'll watch this. He'll drop back as the quarterback and just run all the way backwards. And I'm like, I think you're going to probably get tackled here.

And he just dazzles around them. And I was like, no, he's a baller. Never thought about that. But they play a lot of Fortnite. You know what's weird is when, especially when we were kids, not try to be mean, but when we were kids, like kids, my dad would say, you know, You can play an hour of video game, you gotta go outside for two hours. Our video game outside for two hours.

Now, I'd like, okay, that makes sense. I don't be a loser. But now kids are making millions of dollars playing a video game. Millions upon millions of dollars. It's like a legit career. They can get on Twitch, make money. There's leagues, there's teams. Oh, you know, like, some of these Madden tournaments and stuff?

You're talking about they sell out staples. People watch these kids. I love these new jobs that come along with technology. Nobody thought you could have that. It's just tough because now it used to be like, dude, you're gonna be a loser if you just play video games. Kids him like, shut your fucking mouth. This kid makes $12 million a year for video games.

I mean, Ninja kind of broke the... There you go. He probably is the most famous. You know, Ninja, right? Sure. I think he signed a deal with Adidas. Or Nike. And then there's like that New Silk and you got your loser fruit and you got your Lachlan.

It's nuts. They're huge. And like Twitch kids will just watch other kids play video games. When I was a kid, I fucking hated watching people play video games. Yeah. I was chomping out the bit to get the stick. Yeah, of course. Now these kids are off the other sides watching these kids play.

What's wrong with you? I've been to the Overwatch League tournament. I've gone to them to watch them play on a movie screen. Is it good? People are screaming like they're at a sea hockey. And they're so good. My son, who is eight, watches on YouTube watches really good Fortnite players. Yes.

And the other day, he came running down and said, he was like mad. He goes, I suck it, Fortnite. I'm garbage. And I go, well, what's the problem? What's the issue? Let's isolate. He goes, I can get and kill. And I never kill anybody.

So I emailed, so there's no point of playing. I go, well, so we want to get more kills and get killed less? Okay, that's a goal. Is there something we can look up? Is there a tutorial we can go to? Like, I break it down. Next thing I know, he's looking up, comes running down yesterday. He's like, I got three kills.

I got three kills. Like freaking out at eight. I was like, is this good? That was really good parenting. Yes. Because our dads are going to like, oh, you're not winning your video game? Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. Why don't you run outside, dummy? Yeah, I don't give a fuck. But also, when I was a kid, the big thing was arcade games. So, like, Mortal Kombat was huge. I remember there's always that one nerd who knew all the fatalities. Yes. Where did he get those?

I don't know. Where the fuck did that guy learn those? There's no internet. There's nothing. That kid just, well, he probably watched other kids, and he put in the time, and he spent the money. And now, you know, doesn't end well. I do a stupid game.

Yeah, he's a serial killer now. Yes. Because he's obsessed with all these fatalities. He spent so much. time. Well, they're violent as fuck. I had to stop my son from playing some zombie game because he's chopping zombies heads off and everything else. I'm like, I don't know about this now.

I bought myself looking at his mother going, I know. What do I do? I don't know what you do. I bought my son the Nintendo Switch because he wanted to play Mario. Yeah. And then you can download games on there. I'm like, I advertise. I love Mortal Kombat. There's Mortal Kombat 11. You get the Joker, and get Spawn who I love. So I downloaded

it. Didn't think he would get to it. I go, I look over his shoulder that he's four, mind you. I look over his shoulder. he's fucking ripping dudes heads on. I'm like, well, this isn't, you. You downloaded it, though. I downloaded it. You're like, well, this is not good.

This game I downloaded for you. I didn't think you'd figure out how to switch the... So what do you do about that? Like, I'm not sure what to do about the inevitable surge of technology. The kid is... The kid looked at me and my son goes, they're zombies. They're not real.

Relaxed that. They know the difference. It's a zombie. It's sad because there's a huge number of adults that are prepared for a zombie apocalypse. Yes. I went to, for real,

I was an army surplus store and there was like the zombie apocalypse preparation center and I knew the guy's name is Jack. He owns the place and I'm like,

ha ha ha ha. And he's like, if you only knew, there are people who really think it's real. Well, I want to do that when it comes to wireless

earbuds. You got that boomer? Listen, man, a great pair of wireless earbuds, there's nothing like it. If you want to zone out the world, man,

you want to zone it out. Yeah. You need to get you some Raycons. Oh, Raycons are half the price of any other premium wireless earbuds. They are actually what I use instead of my other earbuds. Oh, no, you didn't, boy. Their newest model, the everyday E25 earbuds are the best ones yet. Six hours of playtime, seamless Bluetooth pairing, more base, more compact design that gives you a nice noise isolating fit.

That's right. They're so comfortable. They're perfect on the go with your running, whether you're in the wilderness. Yeah, they fit in your ears. You can do everything. You can run. Joe Exotic wears him when he's wrestling tigers. Oh, does he? I use him when I do my martial arts.

I swim with them when I'm with sharks. I didn't know. Listen, man. Yeah, you've heard me talk about him before. How about Ray J. Snoop Dog, Cardi B? They're all about it, man. Now's the time to get the latest and greatest from Raycon. Get 15% off your order at buyraycon.com slash T-F-A-T-K. That's byraycon.com slash T-F-A-T-F-A-T-K.

For 15% off RayconWon Wireless Earbuds. Buy-Ray-Rae-R-K. No wires, no stem. Now, I want to buy, I want to be ready for the next pandemic or something. I just want... That's a reasonable thing, but you don't go, I wonder if mythical creatures like zombies, orcs are going to attack. I wouldn't be your friend if you're that.

No, I don't do that. You wouldn't be here. No. I had a talk with my buddy Andy Stumpf, who was the SEAL Team 6 guy where he likes to do these, he asks civilians about what they would do tactically and he shows you like scenes from movies where SEAL team guys come in and do stuff. And he goes, now what was wrong with that, right? So I was like, I don't know.

And you're like, the uniforms. They're all wrong. They didn't. No, I go, they did right. Like little things when you're a high level soldier like that. I go, well, they came in, they used the silencers. They shot people so that nobody could hear. And he goes, silencers, huh?

Not so silent. He goes, not silent. Very loud, in fact. That's a sound suppressor. And also, and I said, yeah, yeah, well, they got to make it quieter. And he goes, well, there's also the fact that the bullet breaks the sound barrier. Did you think about that? I'm like, no.

I don't know. about these things. They could use subsonic rounds. Those don't. Now you're, now you're speaking my language.

But also, Andy, not a Navy SEAL, dude. No, no, but it's just funny how we, we go through all these things

about how to, how to, you know, what would you know. So I said to them, I'd go, that's why I would use, I'd have a crossbow division.

And we'd all come in there with crossbows. And they're fucking very quiet. And by the way, right through you. And you go like this, you go like this. And easy to reload.

Yeah. Well, okay. Now, all right. All right. All right, Joel. All right.

Yep. Okay, there are probably contraptions where you can reload them better than that. That little spinning thing. There's a thing you can crank it back with. So we'd have a reloader. You'd be my reloader behind me. What's this? What is the situation we're in?

Are we breaking into a home? Well, we're breaking into a compound with some bad guys. Now, we're going to have to hoof it, all right? You're big kid. You're going to have to carry most of the gear. I have to carry you. Yeah. No.

Master Blaster, right? Embargo lifted, right? No, don't. Say that. No, you have to carry the first aid. You have to carry the water. You have to carry the radio. You've got to carry the ammo.

The crank thing. And the crank. You got to be my loader. When we come in, we signal. Load up. Right. It means load up. Load up.

Uh-huh. That looks like we're touching dicks. Two. Two centuries. Okay. So when you see a person in front of me that I can't see, how do you signal to me silently that there's a person? Like this. I stroke your head, channel here.

Uh-huh. He's got very gay. I get my two fingers under your chin. Yeah, like that. Provided we're COVID-free. Right. That's making noises, and you're saying, hey. You could just say there's a guy over there.

You're too loud. If you're allowed to talk. He's not going to hear us. I'm going to hear us. I'm going to... You smell good. They smell good. Oh, you do.

Thank you. Uh-huh. Teethers are so fucking straight. Thank you. Yeah, your eyes are blue as fuck. What's going on? What's going on? Those two centuries are.

I'm going to take them out. I'm going to stack them. I've got to wait until they stack. You know how you stack? Girls? I'm going to stack those guys. How do you stack a girl? Okay.

Well, you put one on top of the other. Okay. You do? Yeah, doggy style. I've just seen it important. Rough House Sunday. Okay. Yeah, it's called Rough House Sunday.

Okay, so then, is this all part of it? You're going to wait until they're sitting on top of each? Yeah, or they're stacked or like one's behind the other. Okay. And then the arrow goes straight through them. Yeah. Now, I'm going to make, I'm going to sound, I'm going to do the sound of a nightbat. I don't know if you know what a night bat sounds like.

I don't know a night bat. It's kind of pleasant. It's like a 70s easy listening. It is, and it's very hypnotic, and so that relaxes them. And then, now watch how you die from Crossbell. Watch this. It's going to go through my, make the sound of it.

Through the cat? It's that, it's that quick. You don't think he's going to go like this? No, because I hit the heart mama and the arms. Do you think maybe there would be a moment where they go, you hear fom, fom, and the guy's like, and then it just bleeds out, and he didn't even realize that it entered him? That's what I think.

Okay. Yeah, I think that's what happened. So your Navy SEAL friend recommended this? No, I recommended it to him. I recommended it to him. I see. Yeah. And what did he think?

He did. He was like, what the fuck am I doing it, man? This is the apocalypse that you're preparing. He didn't think it was a great idea. Is it because he's wrong? You're wearing a winter cap. You are wearing a cap. God, you're on it today, man.

And you're an alcoholic. So I am. Yeah, a little bit. And that's okay. He drank this entire bottle. That's a thousand-dollar bottle of whiskey. Is that really? What is it? It's Makoto 23, age 23 years.

Can you say it one more time? That's not how you do it. I apologize, too. Makoto, I apologize too. So it's a bottle of, umakoto. Yeah, that's a Makoto. Are you a whiskey drinker? Yeah, I love whiskey.

I love it all. Can we break open? Can we have them try this? Do you want somebody to ask? One little tug? Oh, you're, oh, this is like a high school party. This is very expensive. Pure pressure.

Well, why don't we, go ahead and. Do you drink it all? Smell that. Smell that smooth. That's smooth whiskey that's best whiskey you ever have, bro. I'd and have some of that. It's very nice. Isn't that smooth? Finish it. Hadn't finish that. I'll sip it. I love your attitude. It's Tiger King Piss. God, I love that he's drinking.

That's great. Isn't that nice? Yeah, I drink, I have a lot of alcohol. You do. In my home. And I have a storage unit full of it. So you, I love that you, see, I'm very impressed with the fact that he's a guy's guy. Oh, I have a sword collection and a sword collection. And a knife collection. And two jeeps.

This is... I didn't know this about you. My penis is... It cannot be... No, no, no. ...picked up on any device. It's so small. It's so small, but what...

Do you own pistolas? Pistolas? Yeah. I own one gun. Okay. From 1805. Oh, really? No joke.

It's one of the... It looks like I could challenge someone to a duel. So you prefer to... If you type of Joel McCall... Oh, yeah. This is Instagram? Do the one where I'm standing there in the... This one?

Yeah, watch this. You prefer to... Watch this. Yeah, this will be... I got a small... Okay. Wow. That's a bottle of champagne.

Well, that's a manly thing to do. I hit a person with the cork. And then swipe over, swipe over. And that is the... How it comes off. Wow. Look, and I put meat in the shot, too, just to... You...

That's a skimitar. And my friends... My writer friends sent that to me, and they engraved on the... said, slide up the shaft until it explodes. And there is... Well, you have an easy bone structure. You have a Ben Affleck bone structure.

That's the first thing I want to congratulate. He's a better body than Ben. I think so. Ben's a little... Ben's thick like me. But you both... Nobody's thick like you, but he's thick. Yeah, but you both can go up and down.

I'm proud of you. I stay more up. He's 270. I'm not too... So I got... You are. It doesn't matter, though. Yeah, but 270 is a heavy way is what you want.

I'm retired. I do stand-up comedy for the last five years. All right, well, here's my secret. No, I get it. How much were you when you fought?

I was like 240 something, 242. That's, I love watching that stuff. No, never fight 250. Never. Never.

Brian, when you broke 150, what did you think? You know, Joel. You like, Chuck of Amanda. All right, I wasn't blessed with, let me see that.

I'm not going to say that too. I'm very much. See, it really looks like I am some sort of, I have just, I'm just clinging to masculinity all the time. My goal is, like, is to cook the perfect steak at all. Like, that is, now I'm about to do that tonight. So similar. Tonight, can you give me your perfect steak recipe? Yes.

What kind of a steak is it? It is a, it is a New York strip. All right? How thick is it? It's about that thick. That's very thick. Yeah, well, it might be a little thinner. No, it's a good news.

No, it's a New York shift. It's going to be thick how you originally did it. It's an inch. It's an inch. Is it from Whole Foods? No, it's from butcherbox. Okay. Phenomenal meat.

Phenomenal meat. Phenomenal meat is also the name of my book. And no, it was the journey of a porn star. No. I hear, okay, so the key, first the key is take that thing out of the refrigerator. The two hours before you're going to come. Room tap. And definitely, if it's, yes, don't let it, if there's other stakes on it, separate all that.

Okay. You do not need to put salt. on a steak beforehand. You don't? No way. There's different philosophies like, oh, it tastes like salt when you get up. You can add salt, but a lot of people would say the dehydrates, the meat.

So then are you using a barbecue, using a pan? I'm using a pan, unfortunately, and a steak. That's fine, that's fine. All right. So I would recommend, so you preheat your oven to like $3.25. Okay. And you want to get that pan. So if you have like a ghee, do you have the ghee without the...

I have ghee. Okay. Guy is butter without the fat. Clarified butter. Or you can do the brown butter method, which also is... Probably the tasty. Really? So, brown butter method.

Yeah, where that just takes a little bit more time. So when you put the butter in, and then when it turns brown, you can see the little black. Those are the solids. Those are the fat coming off. Then you... Well, okay. Do the first method. All right.

So you get that pan smoking hot, right? And you don't use olive oil. Use either ghee or use a canola oil because they have... have higher smoke points. Yeah, smoke points. And then you want to do one minute aside on that New York State. One minute aside. One minute.

Okay. Now I get that hot, though, that I will. You want that pan to be smoking before you even put it. And I've done steaks at 30 seconds aside. And you do 30 seconds aside, and then you stick it in that oven for about six minutes. If it's one steak, is it more than one steak? One steak. Then you want to do.

Yes, book me. Yes, please, please. Oh. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm a pro se. Oh, it's not a lot. No. Then, uh, second a blue.

And so then you want to do that like five and a half minutes, six minutes in that oven. Because you want like a medium rare, right? Yes. You want to then take the whole pan out off the stove. Yeah. You're going to put the whole pan in the oven. Not cover it? Do not cover it.

Wow. Come on. Put it on the lowest level of your oven. Okay. And let it do. It's 325 for. six minutes, pull that steak out, walk away from it for 10 minutes.

Let it sit. It's ready to eat. I'll get it off the grill. Yeah, the butter is, yeah. And then do I put some salt and pepper on there? I wish we had talked beforehand. I would have brought you some salts. I would have way too many kinds. You want to put, there's so many different, then you can put anything you want.

Then you can salt and pepper, you can I put some chili flakes sometimes. So you don't marinate your steak. So I have done that. Yes, definitely. So we'll Well, the brown butter method I love. So if you, I like that with a bone in ribeye, because it's a little bit of a thicker, bigger steak, but you get a pan, you get, you put your butter in, it turns brown, you put that steak in there. And then you start putting that butter on there.

Even though it's burned. It is burned, absolutely burned. But that, there's a nutty flavor to burned butter. Yeah. I don't know I'm turning because you knew the smoke point, but that infuses into the steak and it's wonderful. I think rib-eye is the best cut. Yeah. That's my favorite.

When the bone is in, then that lets the flavor out. But New York's are so good because they kind of have the combination. Because filaminia is no fat at all, which makes it tasteless in a weird way. It still has taste. But people also go, oh, it's the great. But then you get some of those dry-aged bone and ribby is like eating. I don't like dry-aged. You don't like the-I-d-old.

Oh, it tastes funky to me. The meat's not as tender. It's not as moist. It's almost like a level. You need to go to APL Steakhouse, my friend, and have their... Two places I've had the best steak. Felix Republic. Yeah, Republic.

Dude, Scopas T-bone ain't bad, bro. No. It sounds like we need to do a little tour. Yeah. Where we zip around. Because APL, he dry age of stuff for 400 days. I'm out. And it doesn't have the skunk that you think.

Really? See, I don't like the skunk. The skunk. I mean, it is rotting meat, technically. You ever seen it before they cut off all the fungus? some shit's disgusting. I mean, it's controlled rot. But if you think about it, what's yogurt? Oh, yeah, that's good.

And that knife, he makes the knives, which makes it even. Where is this? Where is this restaurant? At the Taft building at Hollywood and Vine. Don't know anything about it. What's it called? APL Steakhouse. It's a new place?

It's been there for about two years. That's folded metal. He's making his own knives. He's folding them up. Yeah. And there were about $1,000 a piece. You can't buy them. And then one guy tried to steal them, and he got it back.

Wow. There's Adam. Oh, he's awesome. I love maniacs like that. Yes, he's obsessed. He also trained in France. He was trained in France. And then he worked for a billionaire in Arizona who had a ranch, who never showed up to the ranch because it was like a vacation.

And then the grounds crew from Mexico taught him how to barbecue. Let's go there tonight, dude. Well, they do takeout. Look at their takeout menu. Oh, they do takeout? I mean, now they have to. They have to. I love to go to.

APL restaurant. Did not know anything about that. Everything's been. Hollywood and you live in Hollywood. I live in Studio City. They do a matzo ball soup. Huh. They got, yeah, these got a lot.

Anyway, so, uh, it's barbecue. But Republic is also fantastic. Republic is, uh, it's fantastic. Yeah, it's, uh, it's fantastic. Is that your favorite restaurant? Where do you guys live? I like, I have several favorite restaurants, but, you know, as far as in Hollywood, Republic to me is the best food I've ever had.

Wow. It's some of the best food I've ever had, period. Oh, wow. Have you not eaten there? Uh-uh. It says the bread and the butter, just the Normandy butter they give you. It's impressive that with the number of tables they have, that the quality is so. Is it a big room?

Husband and wife team. Husband from San Diego. I had to meet him because, you know, I just pay attention to these things. He's such a fucking artist and everything he does is unique and different. His wife was a runner-up for a James Beard Award for her desserts. Her desserts are just unbelievable. And oh, by the way, it's in Charlie Chaplin's old studio. Oh, what?

Yeah. What was the restaurant there beforehand? No. What's that? There was another restaurant in that... Felix. Oh, in that space. Campanile.

Campanile. Yeah. Where's Felix? Felix is down on Abbott Kinney. Yes, Felix is... Have you eaten there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Rogan is obsessed now because I took him back.

Felix? Yeah. And... Oh, you played him in a movie. You played his accountant, right? Joel? Joel again, that's a question that I think you know the answer to. Now, I played myself. We talked about this.

Yeah, I played Brian Gallen. I'm so sorry. So, yeah, no, you're not, though. You see, you're not? No, I came in here to you. Oh, I've been there once. Hey, B, where off Aberkinny is it? Is it where that, uh, it's where the old Joe used to be?

Come on, Baba. Baba, Baba, I can't believe you haven't been there. I'm going to take you. Travis doesn't own it, right? No, Travis. Is it one of them? Travis Wu got bought out. So he doesn't own Juliana or Juist any.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Frond does, his partner. Nomad downtown? No, but heard good things. Look up nomad, and you will see the most... It's the most beautiful setting for a restaurant, but... Yeah.

It is... What's your take on it? It's outstanding. Look at that. Oh, wow. Yeah, see, I'm all over that. I love places. I do too.

And then look up the bathroom. I'm not kidding. Look at that. It's a type of nomad bathroom, Los Angeles. And they got pool top. I've heard good things about that place. The bathroom? God damn it.

There's the bathroom. Look, it's the safe. Oh, wow. Oh, come on. That's fantastic. there was a time in America. Yeah. There was so much money.

And I'm like, just fill the most beautiful building you've ever seen and we'll put your money in it. Are you guys buying that Trump's saying because the economy will be backed by Easter? I'd like to be back by Easter. Well, I'd like to be. But I think that's realistic. I don't think you can make that prediction. The governor of California is like, that ain't happening.

Well, how can you predict how the disease is going to spread? Because right now we're on the trajectory. It's worth. Like New York. Like we are going up. I think two things are going to happen. One is that hopefully some of these drugs will mitigate the severity of the infection. Absolutely.

And then two, I think, and I'll back this up in a second, that the mortality rate will not be what people feared. So when you do a mortality rate and they say 1%, then they say that could be if 100 million people get it, that's, you know. The problem with that is that you've got to take the mortality. people infected, the people infected, you've got, it's a skewed statistic. Who is infected and of the infected who actually have it, how many people actually die? If you take the Diamond Princess, 700 people on board. The cruise ship you're referred to. Yeah, yeah. It's a good study case. Yeah, it is. Well, there was a 1% more, seven people died. Right. They were mostly old, yeah, they were mostly very old and many had pre-existing conditions. That would be in that case,

in a very, very tightly controlled petri disk where nobody had, everybody was so exposed to each other. That was a 1% mortality rate. So you're saying because it's, you think that the mortality rate is going to average out at something very low and which means in two weeks

you could open up. So two epidemiologists out of Stanford wrote a piece for the Wall Street, no from Stanford, but noam in Stanford. Stanford College. Stanford College. University.

Is that near the... Yes, that would be... No, that would be in California. And you know that. Now, here's the thing. They had a very interesting breakdown of how all of these statistics we're hearing of a 4% and they are very unreliable and almost certainly false. And they're hardcore scientists who, you know...

No, I agree that it's hard to know what to believe at this point. But we do have case studies. We have stats, though. But as things are... we are gaining all this knowledge, but to say, hey, it's going to open up to say, like, in two weeks, it just seems like it can't really plan. But I think what he said. Like Brian, if you were to start working out for the first time in your life, in two weeks,

you can't say I'm going to be in the, the IFBB thing, you know, the guy. Now, Joel, McKell. I'm sorry, I realize what I've done again. No, you've done that again. Now, I train. I train. You haven't seen him in my shirt off. And so be careful because I'll share.

Show you. Hey, B, but don't you think Trump Trump is saying... You're wearing two shirts to bulk up or one? Well, he has three. I don't know, chill. I keep my midbody warm. He still wears a wife beater like he's in the 70. It makes me feel a little more muscular. I get that. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

It highlights my shoulders. Hey, B, but I think what Trump is saying is, yeah, Corona's bad, but when you look at the statistics, it's pretty low, but the economy, going to shit is what we can't have. So anybody under 50 that doesn't have outlying conditions? Get your ass back to work. I agree. And the old people, because

the boomer-remover virus, the old people, if you're around them, stay away from them. I think that's reasonable. And the question that has to be asked is to what, like, to mitigate infection. How many people will we sacrifice for? How many people will we sacrifice? How many people will die? So we can. But where do we, to mitigate infection, there, you have to take certain measures.

Where does that end and we are, does anybody know what 35%, 40% unemployment looks like? That's not a pretty sight. My thing is, is China, it started there, right? They're eating bat soups. Started there. And there's how many billions of people in China? And they've had it the worst. And they're out of it now.

They're booming now in 60 days. Took them two months. But that, no, you already, this is, I can't get, this is too much. Yeah. Give me a cup and I'm going to pour him some of that. Where's your cup? Is there another thing? Oh, wait.

I got an idea. Look at this. Oh, perfect. Oh, man. Genius. There you go, buddy. There you go. I like that.

No, I just, I go, I hear what all the plan, you just can't plan. If you look at what China did when the way they locked down was way more severe than were locked down. And, but if you look what they did also in South Korea, as soon as those, as soon as they started easing it, the infection rate went right back up. Yeah. So I just, I, I wouldn't, people go like, by this date, it's going to be blank. I'm like, when you make that plan, that's going to.

The California governor says eight to 12 weeks. I don't know. Before people go back to work. I don't know what Gavin Newsom is fucking talking about because Gavin Newsom would have to explain to me how he's going to keep the economy from literally going to depression. Because he's a fucking dummy. Like, this is the kind of stuff that drives me crazy. He's a good looking dude. He's a handsome guy.

He speaks good Spanish. I've had plum jack. He makes that wine. He does? Yeah, he's part of that. That makes me angry. It's great wine. It's great wine.

That makes me very angry. I'm a wine guy. Tigerman Gavin Newsom Plumjack. Fuck that guy. Is he the best looking governor? Probably, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a good looking guy.

Ladies, man. Bilingual? Yeah, I got a problem with him. Yeah, he's sitting there. He's killing it. Yeah. He's doing it just fine. Yeah, career politician.

There you go. He does look like the movie. He looks like the, yeah, he looks, yeah, he's the movie version of. He's involved with Plumjack winery. Yeah. God damn it. And you enjoy that wine? It's a very good wine.

You're welcome. It's a very good fine. But I think, I do think, I do think, you need to plan, that whole thing. Like every epidemiologist says when you talk to them, like plan for the worst and hope for the best, instead of like, hey, it's going to be fine. Yeah.

Yeah. I think you have to. That's true. So eight to 12 weeks, that sounds like an eternity. It does. But I think 12 weeks is unrealistic. It also, I think it's unrealistic as well, but we're all kind of guessing here.

But the fact that we can spare a trillion dollars or whatever it is, I was like, how weird is that? Two trillion? I was like, oh, we're doing great. That's a thousand billion. That's a thousand billion. So it's $2,000 billion. But how crazy it is?

I don't think any of us were questioning how many millions. I just want to know that. That's $2,000 billion. How many millions is a billion? How many millions? A thousand million is a billion. So there you go. How many 10,000 are in a million?

All right, man. I don't know, man. This is getting a little crazy now. I'm just, I'm reducing the number. Anyway, so, in conclusion we figured it out wait uh i just i i the country is obviously dealt with when i i hear people like obviously it's scary

we're all hunkered down we're not touching each other that much and but you're like uh great grandparents there was two world wars yes and a huge depression yes and how about h1 n1 came out with that would yeah well or sars yeah do you remember being locked down for h1 n1 or sarz h1 this is strangely unprecedented but This is truly novel because they've never seen it. It might have been engineered. There is evidence that...

Oh, my God. There we go. No, but it looks... Bunker down. Did they seed the clouds for the rain in the last two weeks? Listen. Man, you don't drink out of your mouth. You're being super disrespectful.

You just spit in this duty. God damn it. Joe, you're trying to alpha me. 13. Oh, all right. Fuck, man. He's run big, though, if you want. Yeah, you can't do that with your feet

because you're clearly trying to one up me right now. I can't want to hear. I want to hear. the how it was all playing. Well, there's evidence. I didn't say that. I'm just saying that.

The DNA, the RNA structure is apparently. Well, I may know some people, all right? Scientists who are noticing that it does look different. Can you give us the name of that scientist? It could have escaped from the Wuhan. It could have escaped from the Wuhan laboratory. On that's not. Why did you back up Wuhan twice to say it even, as if

you knew how it's pronounced in China? Because I speak different languages. like like the ones that depending on where I've been I am pretty what language do they speak in Wuhan they speak

what do they speak yeah Chinese what Chinese why are you saying it so quietly because you're saying it a slightly different way

it seems like to hide the way you're saying it shh shhh hey chin is it racist is it racist because I call it Mandarin in front of my dad and he's like that's racist no Mandarin is a language

Mandarin is the main language. Mandarin is the main form of Chinese spoken in the main language. Now, why didn't you say Mandarin in a certain way that you've been saying the others? I was marrying. I'm marrying him. I see. But how would you say it? Canis is spoken in Hong Kong.

So there are different, a lot of different dialects. But Mandarin for the most part, because the Yangtze and the Yellow River, it kept people speaking the same language. The Yangtie and the Yellow River? Yes. It's not the same river? There's two rivers And one's called Yellow in Chinese

And the other one's just called yellow Yeah Because it depends on the S-tier Are you talking about So the yellow river Bring it up In China Chin bringing that shit up

Bring up the fucking Yeah bring up the racist River Please Racist river Hey don't you think Trump's can get reelected If he pulls

This out I think it's a very interesting time And I think yes Uh-huh Right? Yeah, there's the yellow river. That shit is yellow. Hung Ho.

Okay. But I can swim in that thing. That's the principal river. And then the basin and the Yangtze River. So you have the... Are they different rivers run through China? Two rivers run to China. Yellow river.

Okay, I apologize, Brian, for everything I've said because you were right. Yeah, I was right. And I knew I was right. And I think it's because you're so small in these chairs. It seems like I sometimes go, oh, he can't know this thing. He's a young person. Okay. But then you're older.

No, see. And so I'm really sorry. You've been, you gave me a, you apologized, but then you insulted me twice. So. When? Oh, just recently. Yeah. So the Yangtze and the yellow.

Yeah. So Mandarin is the main language spoken. Hmm. Yeah. Okay. So it's not racist say Mandarin. No, Mandarin is a language. No, why would your dad say that?

When you study Chinese, you study Mandarin Chinese. Oh, I didn't say Chinese. If you study Chinese, you study Mandarin. Did you study Mandarin? I'm fluent. But, um, Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Jalza? What does that mean? Huh? I just said thank you. No, Jalza. That's the Chinese word. Yohan. What?

Jousa. Oh, fuck. That's slang for dog. It's a type of food. You can get it in almost any. Okay. What are they speaking in Seshwan? Setshuany.

Sishuanese. Sishuanese. Sishuanese. I don't know. Sesh one. Who said that? Who said that recently? I love when certain people.

Like, what the fuck did Trump say? He's not articulate. He said, it's less bad, though. It's much less bad now. It was very, very bad, but it's much less, less bad now. But the Chinese virus? Yeah, that was hilarious. Yeah.

He got a lot of shit for that. It's an interesting thing to talk about. It did start in China. Well, where was it? Where was it engineered? Maybe in the Wuhan Laboratory. The laboratory.

The Wuhan laboratory. Well, there is a bio-war lab there, so they do make an engineer viruses. Did you know that? That's true, yeah. Yeah. So which means that must have. There's a theory among scientists that actually is considering it because it looks different. What scientists?

Name one. Any scientist. Okay. Well, I'm not going to go through there. Any names. It's classified. How about just one? It's classified?

It's a... Good, fine. You all want one? John Stevenson. John Stevenson. He's not Googlerable. Fuck, man. Oh, why not?

Is he... Because it's... It's... It's... It's probably. Probably? Yeah, there it is. Guarantee.

You can put any name. John Stevenson. Yeah, George Stevenson. He goes by John. Well, he died in 1840. There he is. Did he come up with some sort of elixir that kept them... work, though, you're saying, B. It's his work is what I'm saying.

There's a lot of John Stevenson's in Wuhan, China in 1848. He's a virologist. John Stevens. He's a virologist. He's a wider name. Okay. So, I would say, great guess. Yeah, thank you. So, okay, so then you, you're saying from this lab that... You're saying it's a theory where they created this, right?

Apparently, I actually know, well, so, so my... This is a weird thing to say, because my parents' live in Park City, Utah, and they're actually friends with scientists who are not only working on this, who are viral, virologist, you know, they're experts in biology. No, no, no. But they are actually staying at the house. They were at their, some of them are staying at his house. Yeah.

The scientists stay at your dad's house. Some, who work in, you're full of shit. You have like, it's like a, it's a hostel for scientists. It's an Airbnb for scientists only. I should actually call my dad and ask him. On it? Yeah. Yeah.

Call him. Call him. C.Bs is as full shit as you are. Let's see this. Let's see this. Watch my dad. Hold on. He lives in Park City, Utah.

And scientists stay at this Airbnb of your parents. Yeah. And not in their house. What's this? Yeah, I know. What's your dad's name? Mike. How tall is he?

Six four. He's huge. Six four. Three hundred pounds, probably? 250. Full bullshit. Big Bill. Hi.

Big Mike. How do? Pretty well. I'm sitting here in the car with your mother. Same one. Oh, same. I say he's still waiting for our food to be delivered. I see.

How is your stock portfolio looking? Well, the last two days, I can't complain. It was up a quarter of a million dollars each day. Today, the market came off somewhat from its level because Pelosi and Bernie Sanders got into the act on this bill again. Let me guess. At least that's what I understand from a text I received. Bernie stopped a vote or something.

What was Bernie? I don't believe what I read because it said that Bernie put a hold. Bernie is one senator and doesn't have the authority or power to put a hold on anything. He gets one vote. This is good. Now, let me ask you this. What is? What is?

Where are you? I am doing my podcast. My friend Joel McAil is probably going to ask you some questions. He's a friend of mine in a comic. Now, let me ask you this. I'm acting too. Is there any evidence that the COVID-19, and I know you have some scientists staying with you guys at the house, is that true or false? One scientist.

One scientist. What kind of scientist? What kind of scientist? Was he a dietitian? What kind of scientists? Epididiologists. All right. So there you go.

And, and, and, and epidemiologists are not an infectious. She's for chronic disease. There, you've been split every category into some categories. I think drinking too. I don't know from an infectious disease. Aphanedine is a chronic disease epidemiologist. May mean nothing to a lay person, but it makes a difference. So, so it is, so did they mention, or is there been any talk about the virus, maybe having been

engineered in a lab and not being it may be more man-made than it is nature made. It's the kind of conspiracy theory that you will always run into in the other world. Preach Mike.

Big fan of your dad. Big Mike. It's just like Fox News actually had a report that North Koreans created and spread it around because they want Trump to lose. You know what's interesting

about. By the way, on that subject, a little bit off of your question, there were, Gallup poll came out yesterday and showed 60% approval for the way Trump is handling this, and his approval rating overall is 49%. And this is coming from a man who doesn't, who's, who's, who's, who's not a fan of Trump's. No, I'm not a fan. I have a fan of facts. And I, I kind of, I've gotten to like science a lot as opposed to, I see, I think,

I think we have a plethora of media, and everybody has to write their headline and write their story. They all have to have something to fill the 24-7 news cycle, and now there are an endless number of... So I feel sorry for him, but I get over it. I manage to get past my sympathy. But you've got to discount so much of what you're hearing. One thing I heard, which if anybody is really interested, would be very, very good to do is that Andrew Cuomo had a press conference, and I've never been a fan of his either. But he had a press conference. I think it was this morning.

And I listened to the whole hour, and he was talking about New York's cases, what they're doing, how they're dealing with the lack of ventilators, how they're dealing with a lack of hospital beds. and their rate of infection is coming down over the last three days. He said it's not all bad news. And New York is 15 times worse than the next state closest to it, which is really kind of interesting. And the reason is, yeah. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Because New York City.

Because New York is more global than any other state, especially in New York City, of course. Right. I'm going to have to get back to the podcast, but I appreciate the insight. How can we fix the economy? Go. I'll call you guys later for more info. I'll ask for not Trump opening it up in two weeks. Okay. And over under, do you think we opened back up in two weeks or not?

No. No. No, I don't think you've got. I don't think you've got a consensus on that. All right. All right, pal. See you later. Talk to you later.

I love you, dad. What is that? Well, there it is, ladies and gentlemen. Longevity. A hand and body cream. Yeah. So, what the fuck was doing that? So obviously it hasn't been engineered.

I thought maybe there was some talk about that. Oh, no, there's a talk about it. Yeah. There's all sorts of time. It's the rumor mill. Yeah. Well, how about that? Do you believe in conspiracies?

I don't. Thank you. Have you read the book? You don't believe in any? Like JFK? No that. I'm right with you. The moon?

None of that. Joel. Nothing? No. September 11th? No. Here's why. No, none of that. You need, any time that thought enters your brain, you need to cauliflower that thought.

You need to scrunch it up and beat it up. Yeah, beat the shit out of it. Why is that? Whenever I hear, like, there's, one of them is the Rothschild family controls all the government. And I was like, oh, yeah? It's an anti-Semitic. Well, when I go to the, yeah, totally anti-Semitic. I was like, when I go to the DMV, it sucks.

And apparently, they're doing a terrible job. Yeah. And conspiracies are hard enough to keep a secret between two people. Exactly. And they're hard enough to keep between a thousand people. A thousand. A lot. Think about, I mean, loose lips sink ships was all through, yeah, was like,

do not tell anybody where we're going, don't go to a bar. It's so hard to keep a secret about anything. So the fucking staged moon landing, I mean, are you, that's when I go like how many. That's the funny thing I remember her. Right. Clinton said if you were able to get a thousand people to get their mouth shut and still. Yes. I mean, that would be the greatest feat any human.

The government and people don't behave that way. And I'll tell you something about the federal government. They all have their agendas and everybody's backstabbing each other. Thank God. That's what they do. Yeah. But what about aliens? Go.

I haven't seen any proof of them. You don't believe in them. Well, I believe absolutely there are other living things around our universe. It's just way too vast for that not to be happening. The coincidence of other planets being able to sustain life is absolutely the percentages are very good for that. Have you seen some of the tape, like some of the pilot like in the Air Force where they're record in this? No, when I see stuff like that, I'm like, Well, that's a real thing.

And that makes me go, okay, that's an actual. But there are things you can't explain, but it doesn't mean it. Yeah, but when I say, like, it's the same thing when people are like, there's chem trails. And I was like, what chemicals? Why would they do this? My favorite is toxins that come out of your body. Well, you've got to sweat the toxins out. And they asked all these, like, people who run these detox centers.

And they were like, and it's true that a doctor, you can detox for your liver. And so when you've been an alcoholic, there's ways to detox. There's ways to get heavy metal out of your body. But for the most part, when they talk about, about detox when you talk about being and they'll ask all these like kind of like healers and these people who what are the toxins? Name them.

If you could name the toxin. Oh, right, but that's not and they go, oh, wow. That's not a conspiracy theory. It's more of it's just, you're stupid. It's way to go like, this is 100% natural. Yeah. Well, everything is. That's exactly right. A true toxin

would be toxic to your body. Yeah. If you ingested diesel fuel, you would truly have a So that said, so when I hear people go, the earth is flat, which is a whole thing. And then when I hear people say like, well, they'll say stuff like, and I'll be like, well, how do you explain that? I was like, well, I haven't seen that. And I go like, have you been to Tokyo? How do you know what exists?

How do you know what germ exists? How do you know Mersey exists? You don't see it until it's on your skin and eating a hole in your fucking flesh. It's more people want, they're missing something from their lives and they want to have a knowledge or something. Or they also want to be part of a community. Yes. Yeah, it bonds them. It's like hate trolls on the internet.

But it's also like if you only knew. Or the conspiracy that the government's against them. Right. It's just your, the government is a huge, messy place. Every government is, it's always a mess. And the simplest explanation is usually the right one. Yeah. Which is everyone's backstabbing and doing shit.

Some of it's shady. Some of it like the JFK assassination. Now, so here we go. Right. You're not, again, just watch the first 10 minutes of full metal jacket. And they'll be like, it was a Marine who it was a darn good shot. And why? He didn't have a good shot, though.

All right. So here's the thing. I've been in that window. I've been there. It doesn't look like a hard shot to me. Having shot dear personally and I'm not a shooter. And I also believe, again, there's, I mean, that's why the onion was so funny when in our dumb century when it was like Kennedy

assassinated from 25 different angles. And then it just listed everybody who was like teamsters. Have you looked into it though? It's interesting. We can see how if you are a person who believes in conspiracies, how it's super easy to come to a few

conclusions. It's the same no. No, nothing. No, I got because I... JFK suspect. And these things come out eventually. I mean, eventually even with Trump, but even with Trump, because we have all these files on JFK. He goes, there's a portion I can't

release because it would create some sort of pandemic amongst America. There's an interesting thing about the one thing I will say, no. Sorry, not pandemic but chaos. The one thing I do think is suspect. The one thing that does raise my, prick my ears a little bit is that when Jack Ruby

shot Lee Harvey Oswald and he was a mob guy. And they let him in to the police? Yeah, he shot him and we don't know why. And then he died of cancer in jail. So there was something going on where the mafia wouldn't try to kill

Lee Harvey Oswald unless there was a reason. But then what about this, Joel? What about this? So you're the car? You really hammered my name in the end of that sentence. Well, I'm just trying to really get home.

Joel. Well, how about the car? Usually if there's a murder, they take it in for forensic, stuff like that. You know they cleaned it out and then returned it? Yeah, there's a lot of things that went on. Okay. Maybe it's just that you're, you're not giving enough credit to either human stupidity. That's what I was not saying. You might be right. So I'm not arguing. My father, my father is saying there's a lot of mishaps. Are you,

if you try finding any case, criminal case where they didn't screw up something on both sides. And it's also, people want to believe a certain thing. Correct. So they go for that. They'll find it. You'll find it. You'll find it. if you're looking for that sort of trade. Exactly. What about Epstein? Epstein. I do not doubt that those cops were in the jail.

I don't think he was killed. I think he absolutely was ready. Oh, wow. I believe he was absolutely ready to hang himself. Wow. Me too. I don't know why he'd live. Why would you in his position?

And hearing stories about negligent, you know, prison. Yeah, it happened a long time. Yeah, I mean, just watch lockup. Well, it's not just that. Like, one of these is my father, who's 80, he just heard from. It's almost 80. He said, who's worked in government, had a lot of friends in government. Your father?

Yeah. And one of the things he'll always say is this, he'll go, and anybody who I know who works in government, they're way more apt to say, well, there's huge incompetence in the government. Yes. It's not a well-run place. There are major mishaps, major flubs. There's all kinds of backstabbing. That's what's actually going on for the most part.

So the idea that there's a cabal of men who are organized enough to set things in motion and everything goes according to plan is Hollywood shit. It's really hard to do. It's just people don't cooperate. Things go wrong. So for me, it's not that I don't think that people would be conspiratorial minded if they could. But for me, I think it's just too hard to pull off. I don't think those things are as easy to pull off as people think. There's a very good book called Conspiracy.

Conspiracy. be. Conspiracy. Yes. Called conspiracy. Wow. Conspiracy. It's about the takedown of Gawker, the website.

Yeah. It's wonderful. Was that the whole Kogan stuff? Yes. Peter Thiel. And it's a great book. And when you, they go over, it's so great because almost half the book is like, here's how real conspiracy goes down.

And they talk about when Peter Thiel expanded it to two people and then to three people, all of a sudden, things are getting really, like, it can all, it, it's getting very tense on whether this secret of what they're doing gets out. But that's a true conspiracy. Because Peter Thiel wanted to essentially sue them until they, out of existence. Because that guy had the head of Gawker had, had outed Peter. Yes, he outed him. As a game out.

He's a billionaire. And he went, I don't care what it takes. I'm going to take him down. And I'm going to find a way to do it without anybody knowing. What's the book called? Conspiracy. Oh, so he used Hulk Hogan as the, he backed Holtz. It's just called conspiracy.

but I don't want to... Now I'm letting up. But it was very convenient that the Hulk Hogan thing went down. That started happening. Right. He took that. It wasn't like...

He went like, oh, that's an opportunity to exploit to... Right. ...to take them down. It's great. It's a great book. And it's...

Have you got a book called Give and Take? No. I'm going to start recommending books. It was Apple Book of the Year in 2017, I think? by Adam Grant. Really good book. Are you a reader?

I am wildly dyslexic, so I read nothing, but I listen to everything. You listen to books on tape. Yes, and right now... I feel like when I listen to books on tape, I don't get as much knowledge as I were to actually read. I think it's practice. I used to be the same way, and then I practiced, and now I can do it. Practice what, listening? Yeah, because what happens is your mind wanders is you're driving and stuff.

Listen to a podcast. Oh, I gleaned so much more from listening than reading. I do, too. Now I do. Yeah, I'm just reading all the Jack. future books now, so, which are great. But conspiracy is definitely, I would, I would recommend it. And the battle, the beautiful poetry of Don, oh, that's a science.

Only three on 21 pages. Give and take is a really fucking good book about, he kind of like talks about how there are three people in the world. They're takers, they're givers, and then there are matchers. So I'll give you, as long as you give me, that kind of stuff. And he makes a very, very compelling case for in politics, Hollywood, everywhere, including business. People that give, but give strategically, people who are worth it, not just giving it to idiots, and people who are just generous. Over the long period, over the long haul, always

come out on top. It's a really, really powerful book in that sense. He does a really good job. And people who take, takers, scumbags, whoever they might be. It catches up with them. It catches up with them. And what happens is when you're a giver, there's, there's a, you could make the argument that people start to really like you and they conspire. to help you. When you take what happens is people go oh he fucked you over to and there becomes this naturally a neural

sort of a web of people who go, the guy's a dick. I think it's just natural. Yeah. And you'll never come out of that. There's those comics though. Yeah. Yeah, you know how it goes. But I would also say when like the Me Too thing came up and the people who knew that people were dicks, they could not be happier to go oh yeah, that guy. Oh yeah. Just finally they can do something like that. Yeah. And that and it happens all the time

with movie stars who get out of control and then they find one bad movie one flop and they're like, you're out, that's it because they were dicks. Try to get it out. They're just looking for a reason. Right. Did you, this isn't a conspiracy or a Me Too thing, but maybe a little bit but there's that, I forget his name, Derek

Poston was really close with him. But he was a Christian comic, really, really clean. But I mean, selling out, theater, huge theater, successful, successful comic, got caught with a side piece, was Mary got caught with the side piece.

So the, you know, the Christian community is like, oh, hell no. His entire tour for 2020, I mean, granted, we didn't know what Corona's go. But all his dates got pulled. Is this John McInnes? John Chris. Yeah, that's him. Kidding. Ah, poor guy. Sexual sin. So his entire tour, everything, he can't do it now.

Well, I'm going to fucking forgive, man. Well, yeah, that's a really good. Well, no, so what you do is you have to repent. You have to repent. He will do the classic, I'm going to go to rehab. He'll probably go to rehab for some reason and he'll he will be super sorry for a year so here's what he did he girls would ask for tickets and like yeah you can get you know hot girl asked for tickets like hell yeah i give

tickets but let's hang out afterwards you know yeah i mean it sounds like he's got something he's a normal dude there it is sexual sin and addiction struggles and so he's going to go into rehab which is the classic move and you're there for about four weeks you get out repent get back on tour dude yeah i mean he'll um he'll um he'll have to repeat repent and then he'll go back to doing things for or maybe just or maybe just go hey Christian community I'm going out on my own I'm going to start forming just for sinners that's what I would do well and people gravitate towards it and if I mean to got them look at who Jesus hung out with he hung out with the with prostitutes yeah he hung out with all the sinners so it's the you know the Christian American thing

where they've been they it's a very strange they especially about sex it's a puritanic thing but it's also like you must be perfect, which is ironic since Christ was like, oh, no, no, no, no, everyone's fucked up. And that's how it is. Yes. Such a bummer I feel for that guy. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I know, it's, it's, well, he all,

but he created the, he created the also helped stoke the image, probably, of, yeah. Yes. Guys, I go to church, I have to tell you. Do you? I believe in that stuff. Really? That's, but you, you would say my, you would say my act is

definitely not. You go to your Christian or what are you? Oh yeah. So you believe in that but not conspiracy is what I think. Yes, but I don't believe Christianity is a conspiracy or Islam or. These are sort of wisdom that you can symbolically. What would be the metaphorically you can use? That Jesus was, you know, died and came back.

Right, but is that a conspiracy or is that just a faith? I would say. He said drinking. You don't think it's a little bit ridiculous to believe that and not believe in some of this other stuff? Because if you believe that, how's that any different than believing in zombies? Well, because zombies don't exist.

Depends on what you say, me, my belief in terms of like... There's faith, which you're saying. Yes, that's, yes. I think the value of having a perfect man, Christ, right, would be that if you can see what the perfect example is and you, as a human being, knowing that you're flawed, can reach for it. and try to emulate it as best you can. That,

that to me is what the symbol of Christ, where the power of the symbol was as you would, like the thing, love your enemy, radical idea. The giver thing would be like, the more you give, the more you're going to.

But also, turning the other cheek and love your enemy is a radical concept that's never been really. I think there's some great lessons you can learn from the Bible, but I think people that believe it,

you know, page by page. That would be a fundamentalist, though, right. But that's the definition of fun of course. I mean, When people took it as a science book, it's not. Yeah.

But you could, in theory, say those first, like, first there was nothing and then there was light. You could be like, yeah, that was the big bang. Metaphor. You can use it as a metaphor. Yes, you can use that as a great metaphor. People have found the Christian Bible, the Jewish Bible, the Islamic Bible, the Quran. They found great value in them when they treat them. 100%.

You know, when they treat them as metaphor for how to live your life. There are a lot of great lessons. it seems. Just the idea of restriction, of self-restriction, you know, kind of like having command of your appetites. Also to have a blueprint of how to live your life. And like, you look at the Ten Commandments, it's like, don't kill people. Don't walk across a street and bang your neighbor's wife. Yeah.

Don't. And you're like, oh, yeah. You could create a society based on those things. It's saved. It wouldn't be running, you know, wouldn't be. Anyway, that said, yeah, I think a lot of people would say that people having faith sounds crazy and all that. And I was like, yeah, it sounds pretty crazy.

Yeah. I'd say it's as crazy, and I'm not judging you. I'd say believing in that is as crazy as believing in conspiracy theories. Oh, I disagree with that. Interesting. Because I think there's very good evidence that we landed on the moon. Yeah. I think that's not staged.

I agree. And what I'm saying is there's no evidence that Jesus came back from the dead. There is no evidence. You're right. There's zero. But there's very good evidence we walked on the moon. So. But that's one conspiracy theory.

Well, I think there's very good evidence that the earth isn't flat. Yeah, true. I think there's very good evidence. There's no Sasquatchez. I think there's very good evidence that that's not a chem trail. That's just a... That's a vapor that's made from a jet going through the atmosphere. No, I think what Brendan's saying is, yeah, I think I know there's an inconsistency

when the fundamental tenet of being a Christian is the idea that you accept the fact that Christ was man and God. There was a person. He was father and son. And he raised three days later, his body was seen by Mary and her friends or whoever and some other people. Came out of my rib. Well, that's Adam. That's way back way.

That's Adam. That's Adam and Eve. Right. That's in the Bible. That's yeah. That's in the Bible. Right. Yeah.

There would be Genesis. Yeah, but that's in the Bible. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A bit. You came from my rib, right? Correct.

Right. And then I fucking. So what we've learned is that that guy. Mr. Christ, who. John Chris. decided to stay in that. I just thought that was crazy when Derek was telling me about. I'm like, what the fuck?

He lost all his, basically his entire fan base off this. Yeah, but if you look at a lot of the traditional, especially fundamentalist Christians, if like a mega preacher comes out and says, I think it's fine for gay people to be married and it's good. They'll lose their entire. How ridiculous is that? That's ridiculous. It's terrible. What Kanye West do?

Replaces John Christ with who? Is he his name is John Christ? Chris. Well, he's been doing his Sunday service thing. You know what? And that's where I hike and they're so loud.

Really? It's so loud. Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. Kanye West replaced him. Are you shitting me, dude? That's 2019 December.

Well, it's also ironic because I mean, you look at someone like Kanye who's had a life of all. He'd be a sinner. But then once you, once you commit in that, in that world, that culture,

then I'm like, Oh, everything's fine. Yeah, you're doing it. But Chris will come back after he's made his big, huge, he's made probably a thousand apologies now, but after his rehab, I'm holding a bottle of booze. But it'll all, but he'll be back. I guarantee in a year, he'll be back and touring.

If he had said, if he went with that woman and left his wife, that would probably be a problem. But he's a no, no. I was lost and now I'm found. That's what'll happen. He's got to be fast. Which is, I mean, yeah, anyway, it's a long. It's a weird.

deep dive. Yeah. I didn't mean to question your faith, Joel. I'm just saying. At no point, do I feel that? No, no. But I absolutely see your point. Yeah.

But. Well, he's going to hell. So we know that. And you and I both know. He is not going to hell. According to the Bible, he's going to hell. There's a height restriction. You know, where if you're taller than a certain thing, you're fine.

I didn't know that. When I first came to L.A., I was going those Bible studies. I tell this with my buddy who was balls deep in the Bible in Jesus Christ. And I go. I remember that? Balls deep in Jesus is a good word. Good phrase. You can use that, man.

Take it back to you. So I go, so what happens if you don't like give yourself to Jesus? He goes, well, according you're going to hell. And I go, but my dad and my brother, to the nicest, most loving people I know and my mom, and they don't believe in Jesus Christ. He goes, that sucks,

dude, dude, they're going to hell. I'm like, oh, I'm not doing this anymore. Oh, I'm out, dude. You guys are fucking crazy. That's crazy. Crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. When I hear stuff like that, I'm like, you've got to be kidding me. It's nuts. That's, yeah. I stop going.

Yep. Are you still friends with that guy? Yeah, we're cool. Even though he thinks you're going to hell? Yeah. We're cool. Yeah. Because that's what he was raised on.

That's his beliefs. I'm like, I get it, dude. Yeah, I was, but I, you know, we were all raised. I was raised Roman Catholic, but I don't believe in the Pope. So you can make those decisions. God, I was raised with no religion, even though I'm Catholic, Roman. Catholic. No, I was an altar boy. Oh, you're in it.

But I wasn't in any of it. I thought it was all, I didn't like any of that stuff growing up. Yeah. My dad went to the seminary. Now he couldn't be more of an atheist. I go, what happens when you die? He goes, extinction. I was like, oof, all right. Yeah. You got a church with you. If I didn't, yeah, if I didn't believe, like, if I wasn't like a Christian,

I would definitely be an atheist. Yeah. Absolutely. What was it the? I'm an agnostic. What's the, the deatist, that's where you believe in a higher being, but you don't believe in like, I believe.

I believe. No, that's where you're just like, eh, I don't want to think about it. That's what I am. You're just like, eh, something's going on. Something's going on. I'll figure it out. I believe this is God, but I think there's definitely a higher intelligence, a higher person. Go to definition for me.

I just said your deity, which is God or goddess. So a deist, a deist would be, a deity is a god, but a deist would be somebody who believes that God made the world and just let it go. A supreme beast. It goes to its... Specifically, a creator who does not intervene in the universe. Yep. Termin is used chiefly...

He let it go. He just let it go, you know. He's like, do your thing, man. I made this. What's the difference between deism and agnosticism? So an agnostic is someone who says, I don't know. Essentially, somebody who's like, I'm not going to say yes, I'm not going to say no. I'd prefer to be sort of on the fence there.

I'm an agnostic. You're Switzerland. Yeah. But a deist is someone who believes in God and that God created a... the world but does not interfere in daily life. So let's it kind of there are laws to the universe. He set those laws in place and go.

And so the earth continues to spend according to its own laws. So there are laws of nature, there are laws of, you know. You know a lot for someone like yourself. He's been around a while, dude. I've been around a lot. I've read a lot of books. I told you. Me? Yeah. 48. Oh, wow. Oh, you look good. You look the youngest in the room. I'm the youngest in the room. Well, no, Kat's the youngest, clearly.

She's by far the best looking. 53 I am. You're 53. 53. 37? 42. Turning 43. I would, I'm not being shitty chin.

I'd say he looks young. I would say so too. I don't know. I thought you were like, well, I thought you and I were similar age. Yeah, he's got tight skin, but I'll tell you something. But wine really breaks that down. And now like that, after you hit about 50, 51, you start to age quicker. I swear to God, the difference between 50 and like 53 where like this trainer who's been around forever and I said my,

he goes, don't be sprinting and stuff. Your tendons are, you know, you're 50. I was like, I noticed that. I noticed that my fucking calves and my tendons hurt more. You're a more delicate. Right. Is that what you told you?

Yeah. Why would you sprint? I don't know. Who told you not to sprint? I'm telling them now. You should sprint. Jesus. Not as 53.

Go ahead, because like, so like two years ago, I hated squatting, right? And I was like, I hate squats. And then I'm like, I'm not good at them. But you did in college. Getting old. I did a lot of. squatting it. You did the same thing. And then I was like, you know what? I'm just going to squat every day. And I'm, and then I'm at a deadlift every other day. I'm just going to start.

Because I couldn't, my back was bad, and I couldn't deadlift 45 pounds. And I couldn't deadlift the bar. And then I was like, screw it. I'm doing it every day until I don't even think about it. And I stopped running as well. It was like, oh, it's hard on your body. And then I was like, no, I'm just going to do it. And, and. Your body can get strong when you do that. So now I can deadlift more than I did in college practically. What's your deadlift? Well, thank you for asking so much. I rep with like 315 and then I can go up to, I can get up to like four, but I don't do that.

It's a lot of weight. It's a lot of way. I'm sure you were. You do it with a trap bar or you doing a straight bar? Straight bar. He'll do 400 right now for reps and that's his warmup. I'm not choking. For deadlifting?

Oh, that's a lot. He laughs at that. I don't laugh. I watched him do. Ready for this? Just warm up with 400 pounds? You ready, ready for this? I saw this with my eyes.

Ready for this? Yeah. 550. 550. 550. Not 500, 550. Ready? Yeah.

He did 10 reps. Hold on. He did 10 reps 550. Now ready? He did 10 sets. He did 100 reps with 550 pounds. Joel. Or deadlift.

And he did it this way. Watch this. This is when I was mad. Deadlifting? I tell Dick jokes now. It doesn't help. Okay. I was like, oh.

Oh, my God. And then his brother told me that when Brennan was really deadlifting, when he was like deadlifting over 700 pounds, the bar would bend. He was bending the bars. And they were mad at Brennan because he was bending the bars. He's, there's, as Lauren Landau's, as Lauren Landau said they're strong and then there's Brendan Shop. Yeah.

That's, that's a God-given town. It's a weird strong. That's why you should believe in God. It's a weird strong. You should be thankful for your gifts. Yeah. God. He's a piece of shit.

Because he's a piece of shit. And he just thinks that that wasn't God given. It's a lot of hard work. He's been working, but he hasn't. A lot of hard work. Oh, yeah. How many of your, how many of your MMA friends, like the big, the great athletes? Yeah.

How many could do that? I don't know. Zero. Let's go with zero. Not a lot. Let's go with zero. Why? Because he did a Turkish get-up with the,

full barbell with 155 pounds. A Turkish get up, just got up, just stood up with it on, like holding it like that. You saw him do this? Yeah. This is video. This is video. This is video. This is video.

I also saw him do 30 pull-ups when he was there with Tim Tebow. 50, not a big deal. Hey, Joel. What did Tebow do when he saw that? I would beat him in pull-ups that he would beat me anything legs. Yeah. He was so, his legs are so strong. When I said to Tim, I go, Brendan, is stronger than you?

Because he's competitive as well. He goes like this. He goes like this. He goes, he goes, he goes, he goes, he goes. I mean, when it comes The legs, I can't, I'll give him that. Upper body, I beat him, though.

You beat her in upper body? Yeah, pull-ups, that way. Yeah. I met him once, and I couldn't believe how big he was. Well, you think you're mean, Jesus Christ. Grunk is smaller than him. He's a big guy.

Grunk's not like Tim. Tim's a freak, athletic. I mean, obviously. But Tim's like, his, I mean, his workouts are like, holy fuck. No, but I see. Hardest worker I've ever met my life, whether it's UFC, NFL.

Nobody's more disciplined than Tim Tebow. The keto diet, oh my God, dude. He's never seen him like. He's like, he's like, he's like, how much, you know, how much better you could be? It's like, I don't know, he's, he's a, he's. What would he do if he saw us? He's never had a drink in his life, I don't think, right? No, he did one, I think, maybe once.

I don't know. That dude, you know. He's had a, he's the real deal. He's a sweet man. He's a nice man. I love him. He just got married. He did.

Dime peace, South, Miss South Africa. surprise. He's a good guy. No, I, when I'm, I, plot twist, black girl. Just kidding. Fooled you. White girl. Oh. Can't believe you believe. Tammy Lee and L. Peters. Yeah, she's how tall, like, when I met JJ Wong one time and I was like, oh, this guy is 300 pounds though.

Yeah, I was like, this guy can, this guy is not joking. It's Tim. It's Timmy's wife. Congratulations, Tim. They're going to be busting kids out like crazy. They're going to have 17 kids. Yeah. Yeah.

He's a rare to go. He's like, uh, well, What's his name? He just got traded to the Colts. Oh, Philip Rivers? Yeah, like, how many kids? He has 11 kids or something? So mad.

That poor... He's Mormon. Is he? Yeah, he's Mormon. Yeah, but when he was... Imagine every time he gets near the house, his wife must be like... Oh, shit. There you go.

Hide. Kids, kids. Here comes dad. We're definitely getting pregnant in the next 10 minutes. That's how many kids he has? That's fucking impressive. I would love that. That is so impressive.

Holy shit. My aunt had 10 kids. My dad's one of, I think, 11 or 12? Nightmare. I like how the kid has the Just Do It sweater. It's just to be like pointing to his parents. His wife is amazing. Well done, young lady.

There's nine there. That's amazing. Pretty sure he's up to 10. That might be an old pick. Yeah, I think she's actually giving birth in that photo. To twins. He's a bad. I love his.

He's such a son. He seems like he'd be such a fish to fight. I love that he's constantly just annoyed on the... Yes. And just talking shit. So intense. I'm just going to... And I love his attitude that he doesn't hide it.

Do you hear when... So obviously he had his whole career in San Diego when they moved... Look at that. That castle looks small. Oh, sorry. When they moved to L.A., he didn't want to move his kids, so he left all of them there. They built one of those sprinter buses. So he would commute every day when they had practice.

and the games from San Diego to LA, but in that Sprinter bus, he had a whole setup, so you just watch hours and hours of tape in the bus. So you get to the game and be ready to go. That's good. It makes sense. Just such a monster.

He is a stud, man. He's a big guy, by the way. He's fucking huge, I think. How big is JJ Watt compared, I'm okay. Oh, man, JJ. Your quarterback's Russell? Yes.

You love him. Love him. He's so underrated, I feel like. Well, he's, everyone always goes, oh, he's not that big. He's not that, have you seen the legs on that guy? His legs are huge. On who?

On who? Yeah. Russell Wilson. He was on, when I had the Netflix show, thank you. I watched. Where's the clapping? Nobody said, all right, man. No one.

All right. The Netflix show is tough because Netflix isn't, it's not like a regular TV station, so. Here's what, listen, here's what I'll tell. No. So he's like a daily show basically on Netflix. Right. But no, but he, first of all, he came and did a sketch and he accidentally left his, like, sweatpants. Oh.

And they were like, the legs, they were. They were triple X, but the waist was taken in, but his legs were, it's hard to tell there. You can see how thick is. They're right there. Show him running right there. He's short, though. Let's not get it twisted. He's short.

For quarterback, he's short. For quarterback, yeah. Yeah, for quarterback, but it doesn't seem to matter. No, he's a super stud. I mean, look at Drew Breeze. He's a time. No, Russell will be the best quarterback in the NFL. But, yeah, people always underestimate him.

Huge arms. I mean. Yeah, but the guy, you can all, he's also his twitchy muscle thing. Yeah. I mean, you can be super strong, but his twitchy muscle, when you see him make the decision to run with the ball instead of throw it. He doesn't have a lot of help either. He's such a ball.

I thought he was going to get MVP over Jackson. And then Lamar Jackson came on. It's so stupid that they give MVP before the playoffs are done. It's really dumb. It's so stupid. He was amazing. You didn't have half the help. And they almost made it.

I know. We should have beaten the 49ers at home when Marjohn Lynch, that delay again. Okay, I'll stop talking about. Anyway, that said, yeah, he's such. I like when he goes hip hop Russell Wilson. I've seen that. Trying to look all sexy.

Just doesn't really fit his demeanor. It's like awkward in the pictures. I think it's for GQ. Yeah. One of these? No, I mean, he looks pretty swaggy there.

He's also a guy that... Yeah, that's it right there. Oh, yeah. It's growing out of their hair. I like it. Yeah, stuff. No, he's also one of those guys that doesn't take a drink, doesn't...

I mean, so crazily disciplined. The commitment. It's almost psychotic. I feel like that's almost a superstition. You don't want to fuck anything up. No, they're so disciplined. Yeah. They don't have, they don't have time.

It's such a hard job. There's so much pressure on being a cor. That's why they don't do it. That's how I feel. And then I hear that cork come out of the bottle. And I'm like, man, let's just see how this tastes. But we gotta not wear our hair like that, though, obviously, huh? That's cool.

I think you like sweet. Yeah. I wish I had that hair. His girl's a fucking 10. Have you seen her in prison? Sure, I haven't. She's very, very nice. Back to your show, though, on Netflix.

It's a tough. Oh, well. The game plan was tough. I wish they, of course, they, we were one of the first to go like, all right, we're going to do this thing. And I was always going like, I know this sounds like I'm just trying to take your money, but you need to leave us on for a long time. Did you sell the show to Netflix?

Yeah. Okay. Oh, look, there we are. But, uh, but, uh, but no, I was like, just like any other talk show, you need to leave this thing on for a long time to find an audience. And I was like, and it's harder with, with, uh, it's harder with this streaming. service because that's how, and you know, they were like, yeah, sure, buddy. We're the most successful company next to Amazon or whatever, but, uh, but doesn't work like

that. But that, no, but so they did, I want to, of course, I was like, just leave it on and have people find it. Yes. And, uh, that obviously wasn't part of their plan. I thought it's good because they, but what's weird is then they doubled down it because they did you this and then there's similar show with Michelle Wuff. Yeah.

And it was just like these aren't going to work because it's not. Well, that's why they had to career. In my mind, they're like, you need to create the, you need to create the atmosphere where people would go to what every week, where they go. So that's why with like, when James Gordon first got on, people are like, who is this guy? Nobody knows him. And Les Moonvez, what a guy. He said, but business wise he was very smart. You know, I'm around your girl.

There's all that other stuff. Yeah. The part where he was masturbating in front of his own doctor. That's not recommended. Yes, that's what he. And that's one of the people that. Test fight against him? Yeah, and he was jerking off in the,

in the doctor's office, and she walked in, and she just goes, you have a problem. And he was like, I really do. That was like part of the dialogue, which I was a sad. I just like how she was like, you have a problem. What happened with all of that? Did he pay everybody off and just go quietly into the night? He lost his gig, but he got paid off like 200 mil.

Yeah, it was, yeah, he was. His wife was a smoke show, too. And she's, she's on Big Brother, continues to be. she's very nice. But she's off the Julie Chen, yeah, she's off the talk. But what am I going back to? Oh, when James Gordon came on,

he was just like, yeah, don't worry. People are like, we don't know who he is. We don't know if he's going to last. He's like, don't worry about it. I'm going to leave him on for a year. Let him figure it out. And like, let him figure it out and get his end. Or then he did carpool karaoke.

And it exploded. Yeah. But it's one of those things where you leave. Like when Conan first went on, they gave him a year. You know, and he always, And Conan will tell you, like, they were always like, you got to be more, they were giving them notes, obviously. And Conan very smartly stuck to his guns, and now he's a legend. The king.

But you got to let that stuff. I mean, when I first did the soup, nobody watched it for a year. But because we ticked up, like, 2.0 ratings point, just barely anything on that night, they're like, eh, it costs nothing. let's just leave it on and then all of a sudden we found the audience. Is that show your idea or did you audition for that? They started bringing people in in 2004 to go, if we were to bring back the show in a certain way,

how would you do it? And so I know that it brought it. They had me do a, I was so dyslexic that I, they had, okay, you're going to read these jokes that I wrote with these writers that I'm the guys that gave me the sword. And these jokes got written and I had to memorize it because it was so bad. You're that bad at five minutes of, like, jokes.

You just, you're, you've always been that dyslexic. So, yeah, I can't. But being a stand-up comic probably helped you because. I wasn't a stand-up then. Oh, you weren't touring then. No. When you started in stand-up? 2005.

When the show began to work a year later, his agent was like, oh, you got to go out. And you got to, uh, you got to, you can, you're going to make a bunch of money. Because people know who you are and you just bring your comic friends with you. Well, you don't, I don't know if you ever remember me meeting you a long time ago in a clothing store and I came up to you and said I'm a fan what clothing store I was a fan I don't remember maybe we were in forever 21 American rag or something around that yeah it's probably American rag I was I think it's I'm a fan sir and he said thank you and I said uh are you doing

stand-up because I thought yes we totally did yes and I said you should I think you said you were starting to or something I was like I'm trying and boy was I eating it well I mean stand-up like anything is I don't get the fuck how funny you are until you have an act it's a you eat a dick yes it just takes it takes a a while it's just a different thing. Well it was weird thing because I had this weird because if I had started when people didn't and know I wasn't on a show I would have

eaten shit for in a good way where I was like oh that's not funny and it but because they liked the soup. They like they were like hey it's great and I was like well and then so then I'd do it in front of a crowd that didn't know the show and they'd be like this is the worst

this is worse than the Holocaust and so I really had to it took me And after doing, you know, like 2,000 shows. Yeah. Then finally I was like, it took me a long, because sometimes talk shows would be like,

come on and do stand-up. And I was like, I talk a lot about television clips. I don't think it's going to necessarily translate. But now I'm way better than I was. I will confidently say way better than I was. It's all fucking, like, hard. I'm trying to. Do you tour now?

Yeah. A ton, yeah. I do it. I now need, because I did the special, I need to start over. Where did you do the special? special at San Jose in that Charlie Chaplin he did a very very old theater what's it called live from Pyongyang which uh which I don't think anybody's watched

very good and I went on that Kelly and Ryan show and I told Kelly the title and she goes you know no one's going to know what that is and I was like yeah you're right but I like thanks for the money but the number of people you'd be amazed at the number of people that said, how did you do a show in North Korea? And I was like, I didn't. How do you think that would be possible? I would be shot. Yes. I would be in jail. I was like, come let me do a comedy show in front of a bunch of people who don't speak. I mean, that's hilarious. Impossible. Yeah. So I don't think it did very well, but, you know, it's a thing for me. I was that comedy. I did mine with comedy dynamics as well. Very nice people. Yes. What was your

name of yours? Mine was called Complicated Apes. I wanted him to call American Boner, but he was too much of it. I like American Boner. What did your dad think of American Bonner? Well, he probably wouldn't have listened to it. How old's your dad? Almost 80.

Yeah. How proud is? Is he proud? I think he is. Yeah. Your dad proud? I don't know. Ours? Yeah.

Your dad's proud. I don't know. My dad's proud. What do you mean you don't know? I don't know. Has your dad ever said, Hey. His dad is not going to be, his dad's not a guy who's like, great job, Brandon, but his dad's

quietly very proud. Right. His dad's a very present man in his life and always has. He doesn't say, you're going to get a real job. He doesn't say something like that. No, because he sees my house and so. He's in your house? Well, he sees my house.

He's like, well, whatever you're doing works. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I once told, I just slipped to my dad.

Somehow it came up how much I was making at a certain point. They have no clue. Yeah. And then he was, then, I saw some cousins like a month later and they're like, hey, we're here you're making. Everybody hears about it. Of course. He started telling his brother. I was like, oh, okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad I. Here's some current events, Jen. Sure. Current events. Yeah, man. We already talked about.

We have. If I gave you, would your life change if I gave you $100 million? Uh, well. Probably buy more stakes. Yeah. I mean, I'd buy a lot more stuff. A hundred million. Yeah.

No, it would change. Tax-free? Very significant. In what sense? Follow Ryan Rand's example with donation. Finish your thought. No. This is a really... In that, it would be a lot more money than I have.

Yeah. Would you buy a different house? Would you move to a different area? More cars? What would your day-to-day? You're a successful dude. So it's like, would a hundred million really change life? No, we probably wouldn't change houses.

No. I definitely get a 1966. Oldsmobile tornado. Okay, that's 20 grand. Go on. Oh, no. Well, but then I put like a... Sure.

So, okay. Boy, no, I'd buy... I know where I'd buy another house in Seattle. Okay. I can see that, that thing. It's a cool car. Yeah. So far, I'm not impressed.

You can do both of those things right now. It's actually 26 grand. Okay, you're right. You can do both those things right now. Is that for sale? I just asked you... I just asked you how it would change. Okay. No, I mean, you could fly a lot more privately.

That's right. You're doing a helicopter right now. I would be spending I'd be spending money on private. I'd be flying. Just travel. But even that's what, what's that rich dude

who donated Oklahoma State, the billionaire. The fucking billionaire. Buffett? Buffett. That's what they asked him about. He said I traveled. He goes,

because my life really didn't change. I just traveled. You know, I drove by his house when I was in. Nebraska? Yeah, in Omaha. I drove by his house. And we stopped.

And it's just a loudspeaker. It's a loudspeaker goes. Sir, you can't park there. That's it. But it's a very much. Did you buy a star map? I did not. I did not.

The guy was driving us around showed us, just took us by Warren Buffett's house. He goes, you want to see it? He's a legend. He's a legend. Yeah. He's still alive? 90 years old. I did like it when, you know, like Trump would reveal it.

Now he'd be back to him. He wouldn't reveal his tax records. And then Buffett, he was like, well, you have it. And then he did. Buffett releases taxes. Yeah, here it is. You're too. Oh, right.

Well, he was being audited, by the way. Because you're stupid The No, it would Wow, that's a lot of money I would Yeah, it would definitely There's I'm one of the

Like you guys It sounds like I'm like a OCD workaholic Who I can't stop No matter how much they pay me I wouldn't stop That's such a weird I know I will hold on to those handlebars

With white knuckles Yes Where does that come from? Where do you think that comes from But don't you think that's why We're kind of our stance on the coronavirus We're like oh back by Easter let's fucking do it.

And then I know some people like, dude, I'm chilling, fucking relax. I like the break. I'm afraid of the, yeah. No, I want to keep this going, man. I mean. Well, I'm not worried about losing. I just want to fuck.

I want to get back to where. I want to stand up and come on, man. No, we all, yes. I think that's why our, that's our perspective. But we all know. You're here doing this though right now and you're not worried about. I mean, obviously everyone's been washing the hell out of themselves. But this is why you're doing podcasts and and doing

everything else that you can because we were given that I don't know what it is that hair up our asses I've always had it I've seen our pants that that's a I think part of it might come from the fact that you know what you're capable of doing and you want to be able

to do it before you die but I don't think it's that I just so I also really enjoy it I love to work like it's my passion it's not it's not to me this isn't work but what's the but no but let me ask you this the feeling you get from that though right so it's satisfaction happiness

but let me ask you this when you were a walk-in walk-on at Washington right you get treated like shit did you get a chip on your shoulder from that to come over to entertainment no I have that no that was I always I never thought I was gonna be

a good football player oh interesting I always like I was like I just want to see if I can do this you're like Rudy yeah I was like I'm gonna I'm gonna try my I mean I gain I got up to like 245 pounds and and I was I was like what I'm what's happening. But that was more to see if I was more like, oh, this is a strange challenge that that I took up. No, but I always knew that I was going to do something like this.

In entertainment. Yes. But I don't know. I think this is a, the, the, I'm never going to stop working thing. That's an answer in the past. That's, I think that's just, again, like if you can deadlift 700 pounds. That does nothing for me. Right. It does, it might not do anything for, but you're given that thing in, and when you were born up to. You were born like that. There was never an option for you. It was never in your wheelhouse to go, well, I'm going to go to college and then get a law degree. And that means I'll get a decent job and I'll make this much money and I'll work doing this for a long time.

Correct. That was never an option for you. It's a great option for a zillion people. Yes. But we all went, no, no, no, I'm going to stand on stage and eat shit for years. Yes. And that's something that. And we don't care of, we didn't care about the torture of it.

No. I remember one time, I was Patty Jenkins, we were in New York City, and I was a young comic, and it was packed. So it was in the 20s? And it was David, Dave Chappelle. This is 19. So it was like, was everything lit with candles? Everything was lit with candles.

And was chaplain the closing was going around. So we were all, I know, and there were no vaccines. But I remember Dave Chappelle had been up and some other people. And I was a new comment. And I remember looking at Patty and I go, they're about to calm me up. And you get so nervous when you're young and you're going to do it for a fucking packed room. And I just looked at her and I go, hell of a way to try to make a living. And she goes, you'll be fine.

And I remember going, why am I doing this? Like those moments where you go, why am I doing something this crazy? Why am I, what is wrong with me that I hate myself this much, that I have to prove myself that I have to get up on that stage. You see it's a hate. I don't know what it is. It's the exact opposite of hate. Yeah. No, no.

No, no, I agree. Because you're striving for something else. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I just wanted to be different.

I just wanted to be the person being talked about as opposed to that. That was nothing. That was nothing that you ever learned. That was always in you. But I remember as a kid watching Westerns. And so I would see the gunslinger and the hero in the street fighting. And I would see the, the, I remember when the barber guy would be like, who, who, and he shut his window. He'd go, and he shut the shutters.

and lock and be in retreat inside and as a child as a child i remember going i'm never going to be that fucking do with the spectacles who's like who's like i want to be the dude in the street fighting i remember i remember thinking that like whatever that was i had to be the one doing the activity that people were talking and then you saw sweeney todd and you were like oh wait barbers are just murderers actually they're kind of a cool they're fucked up and they're just murderers no i but i i i I think as soon as this thing lifts, then we're the only business where I get maybe it's not. We're calling our agents going. Do you remember when I said to you when you started doing stand-up?

Do you think that gig in Maui's going to happen? I remember I said to you when you started doing stand-up. You're making a lot of money? No. I said, I said, you were, I know you were nervous about it. I was nervous about it. It was like stand-up is a crazy thing. But I said to you, let me ask you something.

Go back all the way when you were a kid. have you ever not found your way to the near top in anything you ever did? And I'd never done anything in my life where I didn't find a way to get myself at least on that varsity team in one way or another, right? Yeah. That I just would figure it out. I just was like, what do I have to do to get that? I just don't want to be this.

And so that is a person out. I think you said it perfectly in that. You figure it out. Yeah, you figure it out. The guy being dyslexic, I was terrible in school. So I was just like, I'm just going to cheat. I'm going to cheat through everything. I'm going to get great grades because I'm just going to cheat.

Whatever you got to do. So when I go to colleges and do stand-up, how was your college experience cheated every way? Take notes. I got my way through. Don't, yeah. But, yes, so $100 million, would it change your life? I don't think so at all.

You'd be less stressed. Nah, I say that. I'd find something to worry about. I would find something to worry. It would be your health, but as far as $500 million change yours? I'd buy more cars, more shoes, but no. Yeah.

I mean, that's the other, there's a... I have a house that I want to buy the next two years, so just speed that. I would give,

I would give more. I would figure out a way to give more. That's for sure what I would do. And that would, that would come. No, I would,

actually. Is anyone buying this? I mean, yeah. No, I do that now. I do that now. I have charities now.

Yeah. I mean, I noticed... I could never, I already feel like I have too much money, so I already have charities, right?

I don't see how I could do, have a hundred million dollars. then I'd really, then the guilt factor would be really a through the roof. Yeah. So I'd have to be like fucking, I'd have to figure out, it'd just be a headache. I think, I'd, I'd, in $100 million, I'd tell my brother quit his job, my mom. That's charity. You're going to take care of people.

You might do that now. Yeah. But if I had 100 mil, it'd be way, it'd just be like, oh, no, you do, here's this. Just stop doing everything. Yes, but then what happens when you give your brother or whomever, a million bucks and be like, here, take And then two years later, they'll No, my brother'd make three million out of it. Yeah, he'd be like, so, can I get it?

His brother would make three million out of a million. Your brother's fucking... Give us some current events, Jen. Current events. Here we go. What's happening? Okay.

If it's all corona, I'm going to freak out. Okay. So a couple days ago, Ryan Reynolds made a statement that he's going to be donating 30% of all proceeds from aviation gin, which is his liquor company to out of, work bartenders and Brian Cranston and Aaron Paul also did the same thing where they're saying

that they're going to donate a portion of the proceeds from their brand I believe it's dos hombres they sell mescal's uh they're going to also be donating to out of work bartenders it's also a great way to get your your booze out there but also gives back like it's you know love it yeah but didn't Ron Reynolds give a million dollars to a another charity he and his wife I believe Or was it through the aviation gin thing? But I know that he pledged a million. I know it's smart and we should have done some likes, but Rob McLehaghani from O'E Sunny in Philadelphia,

he started to go fund me. Their goal is 50,000. They're at 100,000 now. And he's going to give that, I think, to the hospitals or to feed the hospitals. Yeah. It's pretty dope. Who was it?

Dax Shepherd and Kristen Bell are doing something similar where they own a, like a company that owns several, several different apartment complexes and they're saying for the month of April and until the coronavirus is over, they're not going to charge anybody for those months in rent. That's cool. So a lot of people are

doing really great things like this. Rob's are my favorite people. Matching donations up to 25,000. And they're at 100,000 already. That's amazing. What are we doing, guys? I'm actually feeding the hospital tonight, paying for the entire staff's dinner. Look at that! No, it's not $100,000, but

at least they get food. You can ask me the same question. What are you doing? Oh, what was the question? What are you doing for charity, Joel? Can we talk about something? All right, let's move on. Let's move on.

No, I'm helping the Union Rescue Mission to, because homeless people now, they're their donations during times like this just disappear. So they literally say, do you guys have some coffee? And so we're bringing them much coffee. Do you guys have coffee or something? We'd love coffee. What's this? So I believe it was last week.

talked about how Pornhub was giving away a bunch of free premium memberships to people over in Italy while they were in quarantine. They are doing this worldwide now. Business is abo-in. Everybody is able to get a 30-day free trial of Pornhub premium. They also said that they're going to be making donations to first responders as well as medical staff within the nation. I love you, Pornhub. This is great news. Give them back. This is great news. They're giving me a lot of entertainment. 25,000 sex workers. outreach project. They're also making it a point to give

all of the money that the models and sex workers on PornHub would make, they're not taking any cut of that from them. They're giving them all their proceeds. Now can the actors work? Yes, they are. And they're getting paid for it. It's a loose term. Less than 10 people. It's a loose term.

They're working despite the virus being rampant. I think it's the least of that. Yeah, and I think they're also campbell. I have so many other things that added to the list. Corona is not transferred through CNN, apparently.

Fecal, right. There's no mouth and mouth of these guys. No assets. That's it. I think mouth to cock is fine. I actually heard he gets rid of it. Well, this is a very credible story. You know, there's a lab. It's a scientist. My parents live with a scientist.

It's a scientist. I just got to text my dad. Let's talk to him for half an hour again. He just said that was true. There it is. I like your mom in the background adding to it. We just played the video. That was. She was very good. So Cardi B made a video on. Wait, what about, uh,

Idris? Uh, what, the Prince Charles? Prince Charles. He's supposed to be having it to you. And he's 77. 71. Is he? But he, but he.

He's getting up there. Dicey. I said, yeah, that's, uh, apparently he has it. Michael Yo has it. Did have it. How did he? He's fine. He was in the hospital.

Yeah, well, I mean, yeah, he has it. How'd he get it? I don't know. Uh, his, I think his, from what I heard through a third part of his wife and child not have it, but he got it. I don't know. There's another strong human being when he was playing college football.

Oh, yeah. He played college football. Do you want? D1. Where at? Georgia? No. Michael Yo? Yes. Look that shit up, Chin. Michael Yo is a T1 football. I thought you knew that. I thought I told you that. I've worked with Michael. We've never talked about.

I remember when he started doing stand-up. I've never seen his DJ, right? Yeah. I've never seen his stand-up. How is it? He's funny. He used to open up for Joe Coy all the time. Michael's great. Great guy. Very nice, man. Ugly. Hey, wait a man.

Very nice. Ugly. Look at that. Have you seen his kids? He's a stud. Good looking kids. Biracial babies are just... Beautiful.

Yeah. Michael is what Chinese. He's Chinese and black or something? Yeah. Black and he was... He turned the ad blockers off. Ad blocker. He's a stud.

Because I did notice how big he was. Well, I was like talking about... University of Arkansas. Excuse me. He played full of Raysbocker. not too many concussions. He came back. How long was he on the, go to his Wikipedia,

how long was he on the football team? He didn't show anything about football on Wikipedia. I worked for it. So he got too many concussions and then. I had too many concussions. We all do. Yeah. It's called football. Ironically, didn't get, well,

I had a skull fracture skiing, but that wasn't the same. He did, huh? But every time, you know how it felt. At the end of every football practice, you just had that mild like you just had a beer and a half. Like your bell got wrong? You're just like, oh yeah.

You feel pretty nice. Just a little buzzed. Yeah. All right. They called getting your bell rung, didn't they? Yeah. Who would have known that years later you couldn't remember anything? Okay.

We got down to the mic. Michael, get better. Feel better. Yeah. Well, he played at Arkansas. Any other? Got a few others? You guys want some more?

Sure. This is the most fascinating part of the podcast. God damn, right. It is obviously coronavirus-related. So this is Italy's mayors going off on there. They're so funny. It's actually a lot. No.

It's only two minutes, 20 seconds, but it's worth watching. Watch how they talk to their people. Remember, it's translated, though. So it's... Wait, they didn't speak English? No, they didn't speak English. Just move on. Let's hear it.

It's funny. And who's this telling me go home? The mayor. Mayors. Yeah, different mayors. Go to your PlayStation. Go to your PlayStation. I don't know if that

I was right. Did you see that? Yeah. I don't know if that's sound medical advice there. Did you see that spring break, Florida kid? Yeah. Yeah. Well, no, he got, he apologized.

I'm not sure if he got coronavirus. I thought he got it. But there are kids in Kentucky that threw a coronavirus party, and of course, one of them ended up getting coronavirus. Maybe that's what I heard. Because they're young. Right? Italians don't follow rules.

They're here. Now they are. Now they are. For the most part, fuck off. Oh, they're grandpa. I don't know. They had their...

This is Portland, Oregon, so... I love Portland. She's got... She's a... She's pretty... She's a... What is the tattoo on her thigh? There's a bunch of different weird tattoos.

How about the evil twins on them? I know. John Clyde Van Damme? I think this is... It might be. Oh, no. That's from Army of Darkness. Go up. No.

That's not, Bruce Campbell. Yeah, it is. I thought that was that other guy. She's got great tits. And a positive attitude. That's my kind of lady right there. I love that. How many chest tattoos does your wife have?

Orlando, my thousand Atlanta boom. Chest tattoo? What did you say? How many? Chest tattoos does you have? Well, my ex. Your ex?

Yes, she has none. She has none. But the night is still your wife have any tats? No. Do you have any? No. Do you kids? No.

I still kids are getting them these days. I have no tats. I came. Yeah, I was like, I think I missed the I'm in that age where I regret all of them Do you really? Oh yeah I cover my tattoos up on stage

Why? It's a distraction How clever are you? I got a full sleeve here See I disagree with clevering them I think they look great In other words I think A good friend of ours He's a very successful stand of comic It goes tattoos are distraction

I disagree I disagree Unless it's your audience Your tattoos are distraction Well I was told by comp way back when they're like You can't be in really good shape And be a comic Those days have definitely changed. And I was like, what?

I heard that a lot. It doesn't make sense. They're like, you have to have a comedy body. That doesn't make sense because Eddie Murphy was fucking shredded in red leather back in the day. Yeah, he was. So stupid. Those kinds of things. When I hear that, yeah, now, because I was like, oh, maybe I.

Maybe I could just eat? I've been hearing that since 90 fucking five. I just laugh at it. Like, what are you talking about? Right. I'm sorry that my body. I'm sorry. I have a best body.

For you, it wasn't an issue, right? No. Skinny. Anyway, what were we saying? Hold on. What? Damn it. What else you got?

She can give us one more. I want to finish with this one then? So there's just strippers. These are strippers at a Portland Oregon club. And then obviously customers stop coming in because they're worried about the virus. Dude, what is in the bag? Yeah. So now they decided to do something called boober eats where they would just go up to, you know, they would order food.

The customers would order food. They would show up. And first they were just showing their tits. But now they're covering them up with pasties. Yeah. And then I guess they want to do a little dance. Because last time I was in Portland, I was at the helium there, and I went to go find this Mexican place.

So everyone told me to go eat up at this Mexican place. I go to the bathroom, and there's a bathroom here, and there's a black door on the right. I go through the black door on the right, and it's a strip club. It's the oldest strip club in Portland. It's fantastic. Wow. How old are they?

I was a lot of burrito. I believe I was with you. Not at this one. Okay. Derek Post and Chappelle Lacey. Oh, I see. That's Portland, though. You don't have the most strip clubs per?

Kappa than any other city? Not Atlanta? Nope. Portland, number one. Look at that. All right. Well, that's pretty much it. That's the news?

Everything is all coronavirus. This was another one that Conn McGregor really went off. He wants Ireland to basically go into full lockdown mode. He also released a statement, though, about the go to his Twitter, because he released the numbers. People send them the numbers of the success rate. He goes, well, someone just sent me this, good news, the success rates, like, 98% there it was 18,000 tests 94% success rate we're just on it right and we go back

94% negative or no 94% success rate meaning if you get it you're fine out of 18,000 people 94% are fine a 6% to dozy yeah then you're but see but even it's a numbers game right so the but the problem when they go like it's so you're you're going to be fine uh the problem is if a zillion people, because it's so contagious, a zillion people get it, that's still the hospitals are flooded. That's the problem. We don't have that. Yeah, we don't have. So it's when I hear people go like, you're just going to be

perfectly fine. I was like, yes, if you have mild symptoms, terrific. You might need a respirator. Stay at home. You might need it, but that still means if you get the one was in the lab. That one. Yeah, the lab. I have a friend who's a nurse and she says their hospital right now is kind of dead because

so many people are scared that they don't know if they have it for sure. They think if they're the hospital, didn't be surrounded with people that have it, so they're not coming in now. I heard ibuprofen is not good. No, no, they're saying. It makes it worse than kids. It's possible. No, no real studies, but that's what they're saying.

Show me what Connor was saying there. Is that worth watching? Well, I also read that, like, people like, get zinc, and then I looked it up, and they're like, yeah, it doesn't really can. They're saying vitamin C helps in Z-Pack. That would be so funny. And, no, hydro. Yeah, vitamin C, just take your vitamin C. Here's it.

Hydroar. Hydroquine. Hydrochloroquine. Hydrochloroquine. Hydroxychloroquine. That would definitely help. That's a malaria drug. But then there's that guy in Arizona who took the...

And he died, but he took a different version and he did it with that. Right, but that's the problem when they go. We think it could be this. And people like, well, this is close enough. Yeah, dumb, dumb. I miss read it. Then people start dying.

Hit it, Jen. God damn. He is very impassioned in this. Hello, everyone. Do you think you could beat him, Brennan? I would like to address my name. Oh, that's a look of a. Man, it could beat them. No.

Michael D. Higgins. To vice... Let me put it full screen. Hello, everyone. Hello, Ireland. I would like to address my nation. To the people of Ireland. To our president...

Michael D. Higgins. To Vice Admiral Mark Mellet. To Guard of Commissioner, Drew Harris. Chief Medical Officer, Tony Hulahan. Leo, the two Simons, Mary and Mihole, I respect you all greatly. And I would like to... Wait a minute.

Hoolahans on this? I want to say that while we are all currently debating a full lockdown I feel that we must Any time spent debating this is needless time from the clock I know a good tough fight when I see one And we have one on our hands now I want to call upon my people The great people of Ireland

This fight needs us all We are all in the red corner together Awaiting the bell So let's gather together and ring the bell ourselves Including the people of the rest of the world What if we went through every country? A lockdown together. A lockdown united. We must close our airports. We must close all non-essential business.

We must cut all non-essential travel. Commissioner Harris and Vice Admiral Mellet, we must prepare and deploy our youth... It's good use of his platform. Mm-hmm. Now, President Higgins, you must give these great men and women the power to enforce this task if necessary. I'll be surprised if he gets into politics, my friend. when the true seriousness of this is understood as it is becoming now.

Oh, he could, he could be president. I love him. What if, like, Bono was his vice president? He's looking, every bit, you're right, be. He might be 185. That was good. Yeah. That's it, Chen?

Yeah, that's it. He's 185? He might be there. He gets pretty big, man. He weighs you by 50 pounds. Joel? Shoot. Listen.

I feel terrible. We're in the middle of a pandemic, and you came on the podcast. Now, you've been battering, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't know you do, so you see it do. I feel terrible. No, you don't. See, you feel, you have a secret clean in your chest. Are you kids going crazy that staying at home?

No. No. Every two seconds, there are. They're boys. Well, and they, uh, socially, they can talk with their friends. Yeah, you're right. And they do all that on. Yeah.

So when they get on a Fortnite game or like, there's eight guys from like my 12 year old's class that they're, they're all playing. They're all chatting and they're, I would have loved it. It's pretty cool. If I was like 12, I'm like, oh, fuck down. I have to go to school. I hate it's school. Hell yeah.

Oh, it's, I think for numerous kids, it's, it's, uh. It's heaven. Uh, I don't want to say, you've been in a very serious time when crazy shit's happening. But I think, yeah, the kids have that same sort of like, oh, no, yeah, we don't have to go to school. Yeah. For high school seniors kind of suck, though.

No, no prom. It's a sport. Yeah. Well, think about any, yeah, graduations. Nothing. Well, Ken, like Ken Jong was going to do the Duke, commencement speech. Oh, that's right.

And that's not going to happen. Ken Jong. Well, you do, we'll end on this. You do mass singer, right? Zhong. Kenjong? Chong. Oh, what's that pronunciation?

Is that, what part of Korea? I'm glad you asked. That's from the outskirts of Seoul. Why did you say soul that way? Now you're singing him? You do mass singer with him, though, right? I've done it. Yeah, I do like twice a...

You're like a guest judge? Yeah. It's a fun. Have you seen that showby? No. I hated it at first. I'm like, what the fuck? These people were in suits.

And then it was on TV and I kind of get into it. You know what I don't like is the judges. I'm sure I don't know if you've done this. But they're like, is that Beyonce behind the fucking skeleton suit? I'm like, hey man, Beyonce's not going to do this show. You know what I'm saying? Well, you never know. You're right.

Right here on Fox. For enough money. But Ken and I are doing a podcast. I should mention it. Oh, really? Yes. Oh, wow. Because he's an actual doctor.

And so we're like, oh, well. Who? Ken Jong. Oh, Kenjong. He's great. I thought he said McKenna and I. Oh. I was like, what?

You and Ken are doing, has it started or no? We are literally going to tape it because we were like, we should talk about, we should talk because he's very good at the medical stuff and I'm really good at, as you can tell, insulting people. No offense. No. I love Kenner. That's a great idea.

That would be a good podcast. If we ever get on a place like this, if we ever get on a place like this, We can have this. I'm retiring anyways, you can have this. You're retiring? Yeah, sorry, Brian. Let me be a guest permanently on your podcast. Hey, guest permanently? Is that really a guest? I don't know. That's just a family member.

Let me share revenue. Okay. How much money do you guys make? Can I get some? We came here by chopper. That's why you need. Uber chopper. Isn't that Blackbird service? Yes, it is. You ever done that? No. That's that Uber for?

Yeah, there's Blade, Blackbird, different ones. I would like to do it. Now I can sense that things are coming to an end. But I want to let you know. This is just starting. We've been here for two hours and 23 minutes. Is this a record? Well, no.

Joe Rogan does like three hours. No, you're an excellent guest. Yeah, you're a great guest. This is fantastic. Very true. We love you. All right. In conclusion, what have we learned?

We've learned that you're 6'4, you're of Scandinavian descent. You don't believe you've happened. I don't like conspiracy theories. You don't like conspiracy theories. You don't like conspiracy theories. Christian? Yes. Yes.

You're a hard for Christian. Which could be a, which could very well be a conspiracy. Tell me how to make a steak. Me and Brian were going to hell. I didn't say that. Your friend said that. You're right. If anybody's going to hell, it's me.

I don't know. Well, you're a drinker. I love drinking. Yeah. We should, we should do a little wine. Do you like wine? I'm a fanat. I'm a lot.

I'll bring you so much wine. I love that. I buy way too much. No, we need to go to, when things get back to normal, we need to go to that steakhouse. Yes, we do. I'll take you. And full disclosure, I invested in it. Oh, mandate.

Yeah. But I wouldn't have invested in it if I didn't go like, oh, he's the greatest. Oh, well, I'm there. And get you a deal. Cat, give me, send Joel my number and vice versa, please. Oh. Yeah. Group text.

I'm going to head over there right now to pick up some of their takeout. Oh, so jealous. Damn it. I'm going to get their short ribs. Oh, how dare you. My kind of guy, Joe. But I also have a full. at home that I'm going to split with my wife.

And I'll tell you how I cook a filet the next time. You're the best, man. Thank you, Alan. We're out.