The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 569 Adam Carolla

Episode Date: September 13, 2026

Adam Carolla is in studio and the guys talk Adam's start in comedy, how he met and became friends with Jimmy Kimmel, creating a recurring character on the Kevin and Bean show, The Man Show, buying Paul Newman's Porsche for $4.8 million dollars, a bear opening a Mercedes, NBA's J.R. Smith beating the crap out of a vandalizer and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Not many men. Can we stand my punch? Punch. Obviously. Obviously. For sure. Got a set a hair on them. Black belts and chicken heads. Uh, I think you'd be surprised. I think you'd be surprised. Abbott Kenny Fight Club. Fight Club. Fight Club.

Hmm, kids got a piece on them. Peace on them. Couple one, two cutie pies. I still got it, baby. Lift your shield. And now from the Onet's... studios in Pliya, Vista, California. It is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live.

That doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say, live. But we're not live. We don't do it live, right? And now it's the fighter and the kid. Live. Not live. This is not live.

This is not live. Yeah, Chin. We're good to go, dude. We're a little fire. It's a little somber. Somber day. Cities on fire. That's how it is.

And just want to say, I just want to say, Good night. Good night. I wrote, I text to Will Sassau. I go, fucking racist.

He goes, hey, fuck you. I go, I go, you started this whole thing. I don't, the funny thing that most people feel is like, I think overall this is positive.

In the long way, because the protests are just as many white people. people, black people, everybody's like, hey, hey, hey, this slow torture of a man in broad daylight. No one goes with it. I don't give a fuck. I keep seeing these memes about like he did this, you know, back then. Doesn't matter.

I don't give a fuck. You're talking about the slow torture of a man in broad daylight and that's it. And the death. The murder, the murder. And it happens all the time. This one just happening at common camera. But the problem is, is these looters who are the 1% of the protesters that are damaging every city they can find and doing all this stuff. They're white.

I'm sorry. Antifa. That's not fair either. That's not fair. I don't like when people are. It's not all just white in Antifa. That's not fair. You're giving Antifa too much credit.

Yeah. A lot of those, yes, dude, black looters. A lot of those people are people who are looting who, you know, 40 million people are unemployed. Yeah. And then you stick the coronavirus. Well, the mayor of Atlanta said, you know,

and Kilamike said, you want to make a difference. Fix you. Don't burn your own house down. Sign up. A register. Go to the census so they know who you. are and where you are. Yeah, that's the long game. People on action now. Yes. People on action now. The other thing is, is, you know, the looters are, you know, it's 99% of the media coverage.

And I think media is the enemy of the state. You look at the coverage that they're posting, you know, there's been way more positive and friendly and peaceful protests and there's been looters. But these looters, the 1% are painting the narrative. So everyone thinks this is, you know, the world's on fire. It's not on fire. Yeah, the other thing is the other positive is that policing, in 2015, they were like, they had a, was still a problem, but they had a major problem. I think something like 100 unarmed black men were killed.

And we know the stories and some of the stories we don't know about. And in 2019, it was nine. There's been a better, there's been a dramatic decrease. So it is like, because they diversified police forces. There are a lot more black cops. And so there has been progress made so you shouldn't feel too heavy-hearted. There's still work to be done, of course. There's progress for sure.

I mean, it does feel like that we've never been more diverse. Biden and I woke up super bummed and my below the belt podcast sucked. Dude, I was depressed. I felt like crying a couple times. Oh, dude. I almost cried at the end of my set. My final set Saturday? You should have.

I swear to God, I was trying not to cry. Yeah. Well, there was that, when I was in the airport, there's a little black girl so fucking cute, playing soccer with her dad. And I was just sitting there and I was missing my kid and she kicked towards me and goes, want to play? Dude, I started tearing up. I mean, the dad was like, what the fuck is wrong with dude?

It's just like, everything going on. she kicked this little ball and was want to play she's like three i'm like fuck do i ever let's do it i know i know and then i scored seven goals on dude you can't do that too i went get better you can't talk trash to us you just want to play soccer man you can't take advantage of that white girl walked by and went you're the problem and you kicked the ball in her face yes and then you started you started a riot yeah and the the airport caught in fire that's besides the point um yeah man houston was great though oh fuck we had seven such a blast in Houston.

You have a cop problem. Most of the cops in the world are, most of the cops are fantastic. Fantastic. Most cops have a very hard job. They have the toughest job in the world. They have a very hard job. They do a great job.

You are always going to have, I'm sorry to say you're always going to have assholes in every business and you're going to have murderers in every business. They're going to fuck things up for the vast majority of us. Oh, did you post our video finally? Yeah, I did. Yeah.

Yep, yep, yep. Yeah, baby. Not bad, back to normal. It was so cool. I felt, I had energy all weekend. Like, I've never had. I just was like, well, we went, after that, we went to this place called Fabians,

and we did some fucking dancing. Well, I did. I'm a salsa dancer, as you guys know. I smoked hook on watch you. Well, leave it, leave it to Latin people. You only have one move. Leave it to Latin people. No, no, I'm a beautiful dancer.

Leave it to this, black, true. Leave it to Latin people who are like, Everything is burning and they're just like, the party goes on, motherfucker. It was packed. I felt like I was, everything was normal again. It was crazy. The, uh, was interested in Chicago on Friday when the protest start. So I would leave, I like to get to the venue early.

Brian likes to go a little later, you know, Brian's a vet. I like to get there early and cover my P's and Q's and whatever. Fabians, there it is, Latin flavors. So we're getting ready to go and I hear all, I see, not lying, probably 20 cop cars fly past this. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? I don't know I'm on social media that much anymore. I'm like, what is going on? I see all this stuff happening.

And I look down the street and it's the protesters. And I see three tanks. And I look into it. Tanks? No wonder you text me. You go, I was taking a nap. Oh, I was scared. I went, B, we got to get out.

Brennan woke me up. I'm napping. I'm like, you know, it's like, I'm supposed to be, what was it like seven? It starts at 7.30. But I'm taking my long little napipoo. And you were like, we got to get out now. Yeah. Because I talked to when the cops, he goes, what's going on?

He's the protests. Like, oh, shit. he goes they're going to start barricading everywhere around here so i go damn i have a show at 70s you better get going he goes and you're not going to be able to get back in for a while damn so that's one i'm like dude we got to get the fuck out and then we should just stay in a hotel not i packed my survival back you too i've had my flares i told jay jay goes my compass my canteen jay goes what my contact i went we'll go to cvs and get you the juice to put him in dude we're not going to fucking come back here like zombie land and figure it out yeah it's it's a vulnerable

feeling Venice, man. I just heard because I live right near the firehouse in Venice. They fucked with the firehouse? No, they just kept, the engines just kept coming out. Oh, oh, word. I thought you meant the restaurant at the firehouse. No. You see those trucks come through and you're just like, damn.

Well, yeah, there's a curfutillion in Santa Monica. It's supposed to be up one and four for working people. Yeah. No, one is for businesses and four for everybody else. Oh, got you. By the way, I was not a fan of the shutdown. I'm a fan of curfews when shit's out of control.

Well, yeah, because, you know, these Antifa and these other riders and looters, what they're doing, they're camouflaging themselves within the peaceful protestors. They're hijacking. Regular people. So you can't, it's harder to figure out what's going on. With curfew, though, no one's out. You can kind of single them out. This black woman was like

watching these two white kids, maybe Antifa, and they were like, they were spray painting Black Lives Matter on this storefront. She was like, hey, hey, we're not here to cause vandalism. I'm here to fucking protest. You guys, are hijacking this and she said this isn't us they're going to blame us it was pretty fucking i was like but again that's why you can't let these riots paint the narrative what's going on and and mask what

really you know is the problem with the judicial system and black people and all that stuff it's a real problem so somebody martin luther king said rioting is a reaction it is not a response and and he said martin luther king it was very i'll find the quote but it was really interesting about how when you riot and you destroy inherent is that in that is defeat and is not something that you're going to change. Oh, did you see our boy Eddie Broadwood's Jim? Yeah, man. You want to ruin your day?

Yeah. Our good friend Eddie, Jim destroyed, set on fire. Yeah. Unusable. I mean, there's insurance and stuff, and we'll start go-fund me for him, but still. I'll tell you what, it's a lot, you know, when you see the riots in Chicago and New York, you know, obviously I love New York, I love Chicago. But when it's not in your hometown or not places you know, you're like, God, that's terrible.

But you kind of move on. When you're watching the news, you're like, oh, well, hold, that's, that's Main Street. Well, we're right by the, well, I go to, I eat lunch there. Oh, well, that's ruined. Yeah. Oh, but box and burn. Well, that's ruined. But, oh, that's ruined.

You're like, holy fuck, dude. It's very, it hits home like anything else. But, uh, but at least we got to do what we do and make people laugh. Yeah. How about Antifa said, let's take you to the neighborhoods? Because they got kicked off social media. It's like, oh, geez. Well, here's what's interesting to me.

All my, all my very anti-gun liberal friends, I've had three, phone calls? Not all, but three phone calls. And they're all like, do you have, where can I get guns? And do you have a gun? And can I call you? And I'm like, there you go. I fucked up, dude, because I got home yesterday and I saw everything going on. And I turned on the news to watch, you know, Santa Monica on firing them doing their fucking thing. And I didn't think Tiger was paying attention because he was playing with his toys. And then he wants to go to bed and he's all scared. I'm like, where he's scared, dude? And he starts talking about, you know, the riots. And how are they going to come here?

I'm like, oh, fuck. Then he can't sleep. My kids, too. And then he goes, Papa, I've been shaking my bed on. I go, come on, get in bed. Get in bed. It was a long night, dude.

I fucked up. I didn't think he was paying attention. They pay attention. They pay attention. My kids' same way. Yeah. My kids' same way. You know.

So hopefully, you know, my father and all is a cop, man. Well, Antifa's been labeled a terrorist organization or he was going to be. And what that means. Which people are like, oh, the state is distracting away from what they do. Well, say what you want by Antifa,

but what happened. I don't mean interrupt you. Go ahead. No. It's the same thing that we did when we had a mafia prompt is when they make, you know, those terrorist laws and be like, oh, it's not that big video. No, it's a big deal because if you're not all the way in on Intifa and you get caught and you're part of that,

going to prison for 40 years. Yeah, you're looking at federal crimes. And that's when they start. That's how they got the mob to snitch because they went, well, you know you can get 40 years now. And you get caught up in the RICO Act as well. Yeah, it's a nightmare. If you're caught with,

With people who are in Antifa, you can be caught in rocket. I know we've kind of been on Trump's nuts a little bit. I don't like to get too political. Been on his nuts a little bit during Corona, which I've appreciated him for and open up the state and stuff like that. Forget Corona. He's doing who gets a fuck. Again, I'll lick your face, fuck mask.

But with this, all this going on, I would like my president come out and take some leadership and speak on this. Oh, why? Because he came out and said when the looting starts, the shooting starts, which was what, which is an original. Which is what the chief of police in 19. said in Miami when people were protesting civil rights and he said if they want to see police brutality they haven't seen anything yet that was a racist police chief yeah white police

chief in Miami and the problem is when you're president in 2020 fucking quotes that you're dividing this dude you're dividing you're using you're using right you're giving white people about using a language from 1968 that a racist police chief used think of a fucking And better quote, dude. But also original. He said, at first it wasn't bad. He goes, these looters are dishonoring the memory of George Floyd. I won't let that happen.

Can you stop there? Can you not say, you know, and do you have to tag it with when the looting starts, the shooting starts? What? Everybody, like Killamike and everybody who's a fucking black leader knows exactly what that means. You can't do that. The Tim Walts told me that the military is with him all the way, any difficulty in the rule with some control. But when the looting starts, the shooting starts. taken from what, what's his name, Walter Harold, what the fuck is the chief of police in 1960.

Either way, though. You can't say that. You cannot say that. But I want my, yeah, I want, I want the leader of the free world to come out and at least try to come up with an eloquent way to. Yeah, but, Bubba, he's a law and order president, meaning, look, Al Sharpton was very, very clear on this. Al Sharpton said, you guys have to be careful not to destroy your neighborhoods because what happens is you will, it's a self-defeiting. Propheting Prophecy in the six in where after Martin Luther King was was assassinated. There were there was looting and rioting and Al Sharpton was 13 years old and and what happened was

people got scared and they voted in a long order president and that was President Nixon. You have to be careful because sometimes when you are protesting and destroying things people get scared they want order and you are going to it's a self-defeating prophecy. So again, this is not lost on the mass majority of especially black protests. who are protesting peacefully. So, you know, it's hard, man. This is an emotional catharsis for a lot of people. It's fucking hard.

It's just hard, man. You know. Yeah, let's move on, dude. Yeah. Best we can. You have fun. You have fun. How about the restaurants?

Truth barbecue. Those are my boys. Hey, you're welcome. Your boys kind of connected. Thank you for that. I smelled like smoke the whole day, the whole time, because we went to the smokers. Let me sit and shit in the video.

Yeah. We're trying to be cool and do a funny video and we actually... And the smoke killed it. We couldn't get through it because the smoke. Yeah. And they picked up our meal. Thank you to smoke, to truth barbecue. Truth barbecue.

And then B&B butchers. Dude. B&B butchers, another, again, what the fuck? What's his name? Whiskey Pete. No, not whiskey Pete took us. Chris took us. But it was also the guy who was the manager there who bought us dinner.

He was awesome. I can't believe him. I forget. name. It's a, it's a, it's a biblical name. It's like Zacharias or something like that or Tobias. I don't remember. And that food was something else, B&B Butcher. That's, that's, that's, that's, that best steak I've ever had, man. Oh, that place was, no, how about the, how about the affidavit? Oh, fuck. That bacon. Tell them what the appetites just by fine. Oh, here it is. Here it is. That pork belly with fucking, old fuck. That pork belly with fucking blue cheese.

Woo. Our boy, Jeremiah Butler. Jeremiah Butler. Jeremiah Butler. There it is. Jeremiah Butler. And I go, you from Texas, huh? Jeremiah Butler? No. No, no, I'm from Spokane. No, he goes, I'm from Alaska and Spokane. I was like. Oh, wow. Likes his whiskey, likes his whiskey.

Cases. We learned some shit about whiskey, too. You learned some shit about whiskey. Cask strength whiskey. You got educated a little whiskey. Yes, I did. That plans? That cask strength plan.

The 17-year-old cast strength button. That you can't get in the United States. Your boy finished it. A little bigger than a hand grenade. That shit was a bad. Did you need your lids done there? Huh? You don't need your lids done.

You can't see my eyes. Although I can't see yours either. Yeah, but I'm smiling. I got a fat face. You're not smiling. We're going to trim your face up a little bit and we're going to take my eyes up. That's all we're going to do.

If you can zoom it on the bottle, I hatch in, that's a ginger, 115-year-old ginger thing. Ginger brandy. Ooh, dude. Kaufman's. Oh, it's nice.

I have a question. Yeah. You know what I'm going to ask? No. From 1905? You don't think it is? I'm just saying I know he bought it. I know Chris,

no, I know Chris bought it. Oh, you don't think it's that? Pretty penny on that, about a grand on that. Oh, more than that,

Papa. I just, for me, I'm always like, 1905, huh? You don't think he's from 1905? I think it's possible. It's not.

Oh, wow, you're a hater. I think it's possible. You're the same one who hate on Rogan Samurai sword. Yes. And you got one whiskey

had from the Civil War with the label on it? Where's that, when's that samurai sword from? 1500s? Yeah. Look at my hands. Look at my hands.

600 years? It's distracting because you're lit. 700 years old, Bubba? You don't think so? 700 years? You don't think people have it, though? I just been in the museums. I've seen...

No. You don't think there's old whiskey out there. What about the wines and shit? There's old wines. There's old wines. There's old wines, but they... Whiskey zes are maintained the red ones. They're sludge when you see it.

And I've also seen the labels of really old wines. I've seen the labels of really old wines. Dude, look at the cork. Like I told, it looks like your nose. That cork was so... But my nose is only 50 years old. I know. That's why that cork looked worse.

Yeah. Click on the video, though. This is me, I hate you're going bad on whiskey feet. I'm not. I'm not. And I'm going to hurt you. Chris believes it.

He reached out to you. No, Chris believe. I love Chris. Chris believes it. He called whiskey Pete. The Whiskey Pete podcast. So this is us at Truth Barbecue in the smokers. And hold on.

It's 106 degree in there. And it was so hot. And they're showing us how it's done. Me and Brian go, oh, this would be fun. Let's make a bit. video watch how this video goes there's a reason why I didn't post it barbecue right now keep you know and we're basically saying what they said to us when they give us the tour

yeah I'm like let's make this funny um it was it was impossibly hot yeah it was so hot and they work in that when it's a hundred and 30 degrees and they go this ain't nothing man I've seen it up to 130 in here I'm trying to be funny. It's a long time, yeah. I can't see it. You're having it, guys? I can't work in this.

I'm like, I gotta get out. I mean, I couldn't get through it. There's smoke. You can't see the smoke in there, but it's so heavy. If you're gonna do barbecue, you're not, I don't think you get better barbecue than true barbecue. No. I really don't. I don't think you get better than that.

And I'm not a barbecue fan. You don't like barbecue? Well, after barbecue, I always feel like I ate way too much. ice cream and chocolate like it's so heavy no it's heavier than that it's so heavy i like taking that potato bread and the brisket and putting the uh barbecue sauce on top that's that's fair and then next door is voodoo donuts that's fair too how about how about our boy is just trying to get us to shut our pants yep about mollick how about our boy mollick you love mollick isn't he the best some a nice tex this morning the best some of a great tux one the nicest guy now i told him he was opening for us in

Arizona. Oh, you did? Yeah. Did you have anybody... Because Chappelle's from there. Oh. Won't we use both of them? Because Tim's not coming. Tim's not coming? Oh, we use both of them. Did I not tell you this? No. I have C.T. Brian. Yesterday he told me he can't make it. Well, then we're using

Chappelle and Mollick. Yes. I love it. I love that. Those guys are great. We'll have an African-American portion of our show and then the Caucasian portion of our show. Yes, let's sprinkle me. Ebony and Ivory, kids. He's so funny. How great is it? Is Malik. He's such a nice guy.

And how funny is that motherfucker? So funny. I'm telling you, nobody works harder. Nobody works harder. Well, hold my bear, but such a nice guy. I know. He's such a good guy. Now, you gave him a little taste of wrestling.

Well, hold on. Now hold on here. Before, I was tired, me and Brian were tired. I think it was Friday night. So I go, you know, it wakes me up if I can just pummel. I couldn't believe it. No, no, that's not what you said. Hold on.

He's getting ready to go out on stage. And when was it? Was it Saturday? Friday? Friday night. And, you know, late show Friday night, your energy is little. And Brennan just goes, I want to wrestle. I was so tired because I'm in bed by nine. Yeah. And you go, let's do a little wrestling. And we started to wrestle.

Now, I've been working under hooks and stuff like that. Didn't really work on me because you put your head in my chin. I gave you the Shane Carlin special. Yeah, and then you got, and then I tried to display. Do you want to see the Khabib game plan? And I did, I'd give him a breakdown, a physical breakdown of how Khabib gets his opponent to the floor and what he does when you get to the floor. You caught my hips.

You brought my hips. in and then you started to snake me slowly like an anaconda does. I took down your post. You took my post down and then you were kind of lightly punching me in the face and the head. And I took your legs away like Kib does. And I said now, and I said you're against the wall. Now this is a cage. Yeah.

And I said, now I'm going to let you work to get up, Brian, work to get up. Yeah. And I took, my wrist control like Kibb does. And then you wrapped my legs. That was not fun either. That's what Kibib does. Yeah. I gave you the Kib.

That's a special. That's a Kabeb special. I could sell that. I could sell that right down. You gave me the Kabeep special. I didn't like it. And then because Malick comes in

who's been a boxer since he was seven comes out of a wild card and Floyd Mayweather's camp and he's wiry though you felt his strength a little bit when you

wiring. Yeah. Wiring. Not strong compared to Brendan Scha. No. I thought you were being serious a little bit.

You were like, oh, he's strong and I thought maybe Brennan will have a little trouble. Then the big boy. Then the big boy took over. You made me do it too.

And Malik couldn't understand. You like get your hands on him. Malik goes, yeah, let's do this. I'm like, all right. Well, Malik wanted to feel, because now he's in, as a pure boxer, he's into MMA, and he wanted to feel what it's like to get in the clutches of a heavyweight. And he didn't understand what's going on.

You got him in the Von Fluke choke. Oh, no, because he grabbed my neck, and I said, you're going to keep that? He goes, I've seen this on UFC. I went, okay, hang on to it. He goes, am I doing right? He goes, yeah, I'm doing right. I go, yeah, man, keep squeezing as hard as you can. Jump to the side. And then I go, I'm going to go, it feels pride. I go, yeah, tighten it up.

Tynishka, you get tight. Yvonne flu choking me and he goes, what the fuck. He didn't know what was going on. He goes, I didn't know what was happening.

He goes, that was fucked up. He was talking to me, we talked this morning, he was talking to me about it. Oh, really? Yeah. He goes,

I don't know what the fuck that was. I go, no, that's not, that's, you got caught, you got caught up in, you know. He's a handsome guy,

too. Handsome guy. The ladies are looking at and liking. He's funny as shit. Hey, how funny is, so funny this was.

So Stevie Blue Eyes is with us And Mollick's friend is with us I don't want to give his name away He's another great guy He's our boy He's a great guy, great comic But he's in the room And he goes, hey man

Because Steve was talking about How much money him and his girl make And his girl's the number one porno star in the world Aniston He was talking about how much they make on Onlyfans.com So, you know, he threw around numbers Next day our friend goes

Hey Stevie, I was talking to my girl man And you know, we're thinking about doing that only fans And that's how much you guys bring on And I go Well you know his girl girl's like the porn star. That's one of the reasons. It's not because Steve. It's a porn star in the world. It's not because they don't make money because Stevie has a great dick, but you can use

any dick. Any, any dick will work. Yes. But she's just generous enough to give Stevie a cut. And what we're seeing and do, I go, yeah, your girl's bag goes, do she bang and do she like this? I went, well, let me see. I'll tell how much money you make. He shows your opinion. And Molly got the joke, but everyone else thought I was here? Let me just describe it. She's got a bowl cut. She's a rather heavy set Asian woman.

it's all good with a prison Chinese pig tails with a prison tattoo prison tattoo grass chest and I go

and I go oh damn I go you do so you're gonna make no money if you show all this but what you can do

is just their feet you do her feet jacking off Mollick got the joke we were laughing so hard because he goes he was dead

he goes you think man I go I go dude just feet though don't show the face nothing else he goes yeah you right

you right man that's a good idea Mollick and Steve are laughing so fucking it was yeah it was pretty

crazy he wasn't aware of how the porn where it works. You can't just use your girl. Or that his girl's door to explore it through him. There were issues. There's a market for everyone, but Nicole tends to be the big money.

She's a superstar. Yes, she is. She's the superstar. Is Adam's here? Is Adam here? Is Adam here? Adam Carolla is here. Adam Carolla is here. The great Adam Carolla. Hey, there he is. Drives all the way. Thanks. Thanks for having. Come on there.

Hopefully you drove your Paul Newman car down to the riot in Santa Monica. Because they'll like that. In chaos. In chaos, Adam. We need you here. We need your voice. What's going on? It's crazy times. I'm doing good. I just did my podcast and drove on in from Burbank. Are you driving with any weaponry or flares in your car?

Or do you just rely on your engine? My hands are weapons. And my personal style is my flare. That's fucking a great answer, dude. I wonder if these riders would know, if you drove your Paul Newman ride. I wonder if they're like, we don't know what that is. The Newman stuff is so unsteedable.

Like it's so low. Like it shoots fire. I mean, if you see pictures of me driving a Paul Newman race car, you'll see fire coming out of the exhaust pipe. Oh, yeah. It's not street legal. No, it's a cage.

It's a cage with fiberglass hanging off it and like slicks. You know, Everyone always says how fast does it go. And it would depend how you geared it and what the track was. But it's really about lap times. Like racing is all about lap times. It's not really about speed or top speed because these are road courses. So, yeah, like that's a Newman 935.

So what would that go from zero to 60 if you, is that? It doesn't really count in those race cars. It's not, it's not zero to six. It's quick. It would probably be in the threes on a 935. But it's more kind of about the road course. Like it's rights and lefts and changes of elevations. So when you're doing that, what speed are you averaging would you say?

Well, like I just did a race. I did a professional transam race. I drove a Corvette C7R at Willow Springs. And it was a professional transam race that I entered a couple of years ago. And Willow Springs, it's a professional, it's a real Corvette. Yeah, it's that Corvette, the upper left. Willow Springs is two and a half miles around, and the guy who was sitting on the pole of that race did a 117.

So he did two and a half miles in a minute and 17 seconds. I was probably a minute and 20 seconds. So actually there's footage of that car if you type it in, and you'll see the speedo. That car has a digital speedo, and it probably gets a, up to like 161 on the front straight and gets up to probably one yeah like 158 or something are you are you a professional race car driver in this case i am a professional race car driver this is what it looks like inside that car jesus and and how long did it take you to get to this level

like not that long i got a i got a driver's i got a professional driver's license or vintage driver's license not i don't know 10 years ago or something like that but anyway that's it's an expensive hobby what it looks like inside the car that car that's 50 grand if you want to run that car 50 grand what do you mean for the car yeah the car i didn't pay it but the car comes in the car comes in there's one that says there's like one that's like one that's like three and a half minutes long and it'll show the the speedometer it'll show the speed it's not it's expensive The car comes in from Florida. They have a whole bunch of tax and blah, blah, blah.

Yeah, it's probably that one. Are you, B, you're into race car driving, but different cars? Different. Mine's more, yeah. I'm not into, like, the race. I appreciate it, and I know a little bit about it. But for, like, my car and stuff, like, I don't race. Like, Jay races.

Jay are going on a track, but not like Adam. He's doing, like, street cars. You're not into, you're not into the newer cars, Adam? I like newer cars but you'll see you'll see what this car does on cold tires this is just a practice. What's your car do on that track

against these cars? Well there's a million tracks so for like cars like mine the Nuremberger in Germany is where they're a ring yeah the Nurebring is what they test on so the GT2 RS set the record my car and then Lamborghini

got their It's pronounced Lamborghini yep then they then they beat it and then Porsche went, Cool Story, sent the GT2RS to MR, which did some fine-tuning, and then they took the record again. So it's the, but those are street cars. His car, you can't, his car's on a street car.

Gotcha. Okay. But that's what everyone goes for is the fast laps. So this, this car is going 158 into a turn, into long term. Holy shit, that's fast. Yeah, it's, it's a fast, it's a pretty fast track. What do you get to pee, man? You piss.

You just piss yourself. They do a whole... They do a whole thing where they're like time you getting out of the car and into the car and all this kind of junk in case you catch on fire and stuff. And you have a whole pit team there too, kind of? Well, you don't, in a race like this, you wouldn't do a pit stop. What you would do is you'd have a crew and a semi and they would set the car up. So it's like you come back after practice or after qualifying and they would dial in all the stuff.

They take the tire temps, spring rates. They hook the computer up to it. They see if they put more downforce in the tail and mess around with some geometry and the suspension and stuff. And then you just go out. Now, somebody who's a boxer with hands that are deadly, is race car driving a fucking skill or a sport or both? It's nowhere near as grueling as boxing or MMA or maybe even tennis. or golf or something. It's not physically demanding.

What it does is it's physically sort of commanding. It commands your attention. Total attention. And you don't realize what a weird calorie burn your attention is. You don't realize you turn your attention on and off all the time. So you kind of go like, let me check a text. Or what's that on CNN? And then you turn it off.

And then you come back on and then you turn it off. And so like when you're boxing or playing football or something like that, you got your attention. And then there's a moment where you go, okay, we go back to a huddle. Like, why don't have to be? This is a weird full-time. This is two hours of pure attention. It's two hours of races. Yeah.

Oh, that's a fucking crazy. This was a 40-lap race. It was probably in the car about two hours. So it's just full attention, this intensity for two hours. So what ends up happening is you get out. out of the car and you haven't moved, but your fire suit is like sweat, you sweat all the way through because you're bolted in in the six-way harness and you're not lifting anything or doing anything. It's just crazy attention. Well, mathematicians and scientists and Einstein

talked about this like you, when you are thinking about a problem over a prolonged period of time, you actually burn calories. Your brain uses a lot of energy. Yeah, Einstein. was shredded. He was shredded. I got some pictures of him. Bring out of Einstein's shirt with. He was like, shit. I bet there's a picture of Einstein with no shirt on. Yeah. That's what I always say about, that's what I'm saying about keto and all gluten-free. I'm like,

Einstein, I'm sure didn't have abs. Einstein and God. They're flying in the face of your point. He's not as bad as I thought. Not good, though, you know? No. No, there's not a lot of... Well, there you go. Surprisingly, there's a bed of pictures with his shirt off. I was surprised. I didn't think we find. I didn't think we find it.

we'd find one. Holy shit. That's a, he's a thick, he's in the thick boy bike club. Adam, yeah, he is. He needs a bike, though. Did you ever think about getting to, like, Def 1 racing? No. I mean, you got to start go-karting at age four. Like, you got to start go-karting at four.

Senna. Like, Lewis Hamilton's the, you know, he's the number one race in the world. Most paid, I think, athlete in the world now. But he started, I mean. Hanson, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But there's radio as him.

He's literally. on this little cart going. You have to start it for you can't be over 155 pounds and do that job. Is that true? Oh, yeah. I think Daniel Ricardo, my boy, he's bigger. Look how big. I think he's 6-2 maybe. He is.

He's longer, but I guarantee he doesn't get in that car over 160, 165. Really? Why? You can't have the heat. 143 pounds. In a, in a, in a, in a, in a, in a, Danny Ricardo is 143. 5.7? he seems like a giant compared to the rest of the guys out there. Who's the number one guy?

Louis Hampton, but Ricardo's a stud. What is, yeah? The point. Oh, yeah, he's my boy. The point is, is in a world that's separated by thousands of a second, you putting an extra 25 pounds in your car of weight? That's like swimming. It's a huge deal.

Fucking Olympic swimming is so weird. It's like so literally like they'll trim their fingernails. I mean, they keep their fingernails. I mean, they keep their finger out as long. He's 5-9.150. The also, well, he's got a couple of piercing, so I think the hoops count. You're right. I don't know, is it weird when a guy gets more than like three on one ear?

Yeah, it's tough. You know what? You have to make a hundred million dollars a year, which he does. But by the way, you're the F-1 champ. You don't think you're going to get your cock sucked after the race? Like, you think the chick's, you think the pit girl who works for Pepsi's going to be like, I'm sorry, where the hoops? Oh, I don't care about the trophy.

He's a stud, though, man. That's a good-looking motherfucker right there. You want to talk about someone... Jesus. You know, we talk about Piven, or you talk about these athletes and celebrities that had hair transplant. Have you ever seen his?

He had a hair transplant? Oh, Bubba. Dude, no one talks about it. The best of all time. I don't think he had no hair. Oh, hello. Yeah. Wow.

He has cornrows now. What are we doing? How the fuck did he get the... I love cornrows. It's $100 million a year. They're going to figure it out. Who did his hair? I want to know.

I want to get some of that shit. Isn't that crazy? You spend your entire career wearing a full face helmet. Really? Do we have to worry that much about your hair? He's a Tommy Hill figure model. Boy, he looks a lot better with hair. But you do have a career where soon as the helmet comes off, somebody puts a hat on you.

That's true. That's true. Some European Petro company that goes on your head. There's not a lot of scalp time with these guys. You're right. Piven. Piven's a different story. Father time was both your barber.

I was going to say, I'm impressed with his fucking hair. Go that one way that's a corn rose. That's him currently. That's him now. What the fuck, bro? That could be you, dude. I'd love to be him.

I'd love to get a nose ring, but I can't pull that off. I'd love to have a hand tattoo. This guy's got it all down to a science. Who's his stylist? I mean, he's super. I mean, he was dating Kendall Jenner. He dates the only...

Gandall Jenner! Yeah, only the hot he's the... I mean, he's the LeBron James of the F1 World. Jesus Christ. He's a... I mean, he makes more mind of him. He's a handsome guy. Yeah, so anyway, you start carding at four, then you get the hair transplant at 29.

That's basically, that's your arc as an F1 driver. See, I don't think people realize, like, those F1 drivers, you know, it's big internationally, real big, not too big here. Jay loves it. Jay's, you know, loves. He goes all over the country. Well, Formula One raising is so big in Europe, man. It's so big in Europe. It's such a difference.

It never caught on here. It's so fucking big in Europe. 80500 is big here. 80500 is huge. I've been a couple times. It's a crazy event. They're also, F1 is getting big at Circuit of the Americas at Austin or Cota, the caller, whatever. They have an F1 track there.

And it's like kind of catching on there. It's more expensive than anything else, isn't it? Yes. Oh, yeah. The cars look like indie cars, but they're probably 10 times the past. Well, I watched SENA, that documentary. I had no idea that it's a team of scientists, engineers, whatever they are. I mean, it's the craziest should have ever seen.

Who's that? Mercedes, Red Bull. There's some big boys. McLean. You got to have a... You race for a big company like that, yeah. But it's millions and millions of dollars. 10.5 million dollars. Have you seen how much just the engine cost?

10.5 million dollars for an engine. That's the crazy shit I've ever heard. Yeah. Car engine, yeah. Oh, my God. And they rebuild everything. They do this... That's why my boy, Daniel Ricardo.

He doesn't race with the best teams and he still gets good track times. That's what everyone loves. Oh, wow. Because if you had a different car, he probably won the goddamn thing. Yeah. Yeah. I used to like him when I thought he was six, too. You too?

No, I know he's 5'7. I don't like him anymore. You can just kind of pull him. And he just walk up to him. Listen, you're great, but I still tower over you, so I win. Yeah, next time my wife says, oh, yeah, Danny Ricardo says. I'll go, fuck that guy. I used to be 6'2.

They do call him the Honey Badger, though. Oh, they do? Yeah, Honey Badger. When Rogan was younger, Rogan, I know Rogan for 25 years way before he was married, and Rogan's got a piece on him. I know this. And he's, I remember this, he was like 28 or something. Some girl was like, yeah, you dating him?

Yeah, bigger dick than me? She goes, doesn't have a big dick than you. He goes, then I win. It was fucking great. It was then I win. I wonder, maybe us guys with the full heads of hair, maybe we should hate the guys, the pivins of the world, who've had the hair restoration like chicks with a nice rack,

hate the fake tit chicks. That's true. Because it's like, hey man, you've just evened the fucking playing field. And it's like, I didn't get a lot of advantages, you know, from my gene pool to get laid. But I do have a full fucking set of.

Get that. Give me that at least. Give me that at least. Yeah, I have plenty of follicles up on my, up on my dome. But now you guys have surgically even the fucking. You're not sticking out.

Well, that's how I feel about when black people are protesting and a bunch of white kids with masks are like black, Black Lives Matter and like, like, hey, mother, do you have to take that from us too? Right. You know, it's like stop annexing. Yeah. With my hair. You got brought up on here.

Who were we talking about with Adam about where he got started? Oh, with Jimmy Kimmel, right? Yeah. Yeah, but who are we talking about that with? Oh, Michael, Michael. Oh, Mike, yeah, Psycho Micah. Yeah. Or Psycho Mike.

Psycho Mike. Because there is a psycho-mico who's in like a social distortion or something. There's a punk band that's got a psych-up. I always said about Adam. I said, I watched him do an hour of improv on stage at the Irvine Improv. I watched him take suggestions and do fully formed bits, fully formed, like, hilarious bits on everything the audience gave him. And I came up to you afterwards, and I go,

you're the best in the world at improvving, at taking a topic and improvving off it. And he goes, no, I don't know. I go, somebody's got to be. You're the guy. It's the greatest. First of, of you're the opposite of my parents. What did you think of the improv? What's that son?

No, so I always remember this compliment, and it's interesting, and thank you. It's interesting to me because sometimes Jimmy will go like, oh, he'll go like, oh, you know, George Clooney. And I'll go, I don't know George Glenn. I never met Joe. And then he'll go, no, remember we met him? he said he was a big fan of the man show. And I was like, oh, I don't remember that. Like, I'll block out a lot of positivity.

Your compliment. Sticks. It totally stuck. And it's because he gave the compliment. And I was like a pitcher, like waving off the catcher sign. Like, no, no, no, no. It's like, yeah, you may be one of the most. Yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, I'm waving it off. So I started waving it off. And Brian, like, stopped. And he went, well, somebody's got to be the best. And I'm like, okay. That works. Well, not only that, I also told you, I know the difference. I'm qualified to make that.

I'm qualified. I'm as qualified as anybody on the planet to say that I know the difference. I'm right. And that's the way it is. Well, I will take it. Yeah. So congratulations. Thank you, man.

You were talking like his psycho, uh, psychomike, Mike, uh, Mike Catherwood was saying, uh, how it's such a bummer that there's no, you know, Kevin Bean, all that's getting canceled. And he's talking about how, how you got your start with Jimmy Kimmel was on there. And you were a hell. helping him get ready for some like boxing competition. Is that right? Yeah.

And then they would bring you in. They'd be like, dude, this guy's hilarious and smart as fuck. Why isn't he doing this? Why are we doing this? It should be, I don't know, something for the kids listening. I was like, I wasn't a highly motivated guy. I was kind of a fuck up. I was a bad student.

I didn't go to college. I hung around with sort of fuckups from the valley. We'd clean carpets and work. construction and stuff like that. And I was like, the whole story is kind of interesting in that I gave myself this timeline. I was like, by the time you're 30,

you've got to be doing something, like something. I wasn't thinking about famous TV, how old were you when you made that? I was like, I was like 21 or 22. Give yourself a lot of time. I did. I did. That's for you're 90.

By the time you're 90. That's fucking patience. Yeah. By the time you get to Clint Eastwood's current age, you, my friend. No, I was like, I did. I did. I was totally realistic about it. Like I was like, 21, living with these, you know, three dudes in a one bedroom in North Hollywood, you know, nowhere, crappy apartment.

Everyone just worked construction, drove a pickup truck, you know, nothing. Like, you know, drinking Schaefer beer on the weekends and ripping bongloads and trying to get laying and everything. No insurance, no parents had no money, no nothing. I didn't have car insurance. I didn't have anything. And I was like, I was like sitting around like watching all these idiots get high all day and sort of just working for the weekend, you know, get your paycheck, nine bucks an hour, you know, go out to the lake or whatever. And I was like, 21 or 22. And I was like, how's this going to end? Like, how are you ever going to get a house? I love cars. I drive a pickup truck. I have to drive a pickup truck for my job. I can't afford a second car. I don't even have insurance on my pickup

truck. How could I drive a cool car with this lifestyle? So I was just like sitting in my apartment in North Hollywood and I was like, well, what else could you do? What's a way you could make money? And I thought, you know, one way would be more of what I'm doing, like get a contractor's license, work more hours, you know, get 15 bucks an hour, you know. And the other thought was like, well, what else are you good at? Like, what could you do? And I was a shit student. So I knew, oh, you're not going to be an attorney or doctor or work in this capacity or that capacity. I really couldn't like fill out paperwork and work in a corporate world. I was like, well, you're funny. You got a sense of humor. That's it. That's all we know about you is you're good with your hands.

And then you're funny. And I don't know what funny means. I don't know what to do with funny, but at least you have that. So I was like, all right, you now have nine years until you're 30. Until you're 30. Well, I figured out, like I was like, when you're 20, you can do whatever you want. Like, you're not a loser.

No. If you meet a guy and he doesn't own a home, or he doesn't have a second car, his career's not taken off, and he's like in his 20s, you're like, eh. But when it starts with a three, now it's time. And by the way, that was the old 30. Now, you know, guys are 50 and they're fucking finding themselves on the beach, you know.

I'm like, I got a T-shirt company I'm thinking about, okay, 50-something. You have a gray pub, dude. Maybe you should, multi-piercings on the right ear, a lot of hoops. You drive an F-1? So whenever anybody who's in their 40s and 50s gets their first tattoo, I'm always, it's a bum. Hey, bro. It's over.

So I'm like sitting there and going, okay, by the time you're 30, something. And it wasn't such a general goal. Tony Robbins would be like, we got to stop. You know, let's get more specific. At that time, it's like the floor collapsed of an outhouse and I'm up to my neck and shit. And I'm thinking to myself, how do I get out of this and hose myself off? I'm not thinking about surf and turf and a martini. I'm like, I'll go, I got to just get to fucking tear a firm and find a garden hose.

So it's like, that was the, that was my mindset. Like, I need a paycheck. I need, I want to get paid for Christmas day. You know what I mean? Like in construction, there's no payment. Whatever, Christmas, holidays. You roll your ankle playing hoop on a Sunday. You don't come in Monday.

You don't get paid. Yeah. That, I was like, some job, maybe a little security, a business card. Like, maybe I could write jokes for like a greeting card company. I could make funny cards or I could be part of someone else's project and write jokes for them or some, you know, just or whatever, whatever it works. But it wasn't about being in front of the camera or on stage or anything. But I didn't rule that out. I was just like, whatever.

So I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. And I found a friend of mine whose parents who were like kind of in the industry a little. And I said, what should I do? Where should I go? and they said there's a place called the Groundlings and it's on like Melrose and you could go sign up for classes

and I was like okay and I just went it was $350 for you know 10 classes. I didn't have car insurance but I was like fuck it I'll go do that and I did that and everyone in the class was like smart

and they went to college and they had this big vocabulary and they all kind of like the teacher would go all right move up stage and I'd start walking to the left, you know, no, no, not stage left, stage right. They're all theater majors. Yeah, what stage, like, just start following everyone around and not turning my back, like Jim Morrison, into the audience and stuff.

And eventually, you know, did a bunch of open mics, did a ton of things. Eventually, I was kind of ready, but I still had nothing. Oh, we're looking at, no, that's not me in the groundlings. Let's see. Yeah, that's not a good. That's the, there is some old, probably old pictures of me from back, back in those days, improv troops and stuff like that. I started the Acme Theater and blah, blah, blah. You started the ACHME?

Well, it wasn't called the ACHME, and I ended up building the ACHME theater. Wow. And everything else, but anyway. So I'm a few weeks away from my 30th birthday, and I realize nothing is. worked out like I still I'm no closer to a job I got nothing it's it's it's it's not worked out like the dream hasn't worked out but I do have a job as a boxing coach at it it God what was it called all bodies in motion in in Pasadena terrible name I know they had me I built the gym I built it out like it was already built

as a structure I just kind of hung the heavy bags and shit and And then the guy who worked there said you can teach class, $20 a class, right? So I was working there and I would teach the morning class. And then I would go work as a carpenter. And I was like, I don't know, a month away from turning 30. And I was like, I was teaching boxing. I was still working as a carpenter. And the whole comedy thing just evidently never worked out.

I had all this training. Yeah. But I still wasn't getting paid. And I had nothing to do. And so I was driving my truck over Laurel Canyon with my entertainment unit in the back of it. I was built somebody back when he'd have the big TV and the pull-out drawers with the VHS rack and everything. And I hear Jimmy Kimmel, who's Jimmy the sports guy on Kevin and Bean, and he's doing the sports. And he gets into an argument like impromptu with Michael the maintenance man, who's a part of the morning zoo.

And they challenge each other to a boxing match. And I've listened to K Rock my whole life because I grew up in Los Angeles, you know, and Loveline and everything else. And I've never, I don't know where the station is. I've never met anybody. I don't know anything. Like radio is a weird enigma, you know. And they're going, all right, well, we're having a boxing match and we need trainers

and we need equipment and we need gyms. If you're listening right now, you know, and I'm like drive my truck going, I could train one of those guys to box. And you know, and you've been boxing at this point? I had been boxing for, I did the golden gloves when I was 19. And then I'd stuck with it for probably 10 years at that point.

And I was working as a trainer at a place that was like, you know, executive boxing, like fitness, you know, but just secretaries and, you know, airline pilots and shit.

but but I was a little more hardcore so like my class was a little more like box like we had like Mike weaver worked there and the uh weaver triplets worked there and Mike weaver's like a you want to talk about a physique show me Mike weaver this guy you want to talk about a brick shit house of a heavyweight from circa you know 1982 or something holy fuck this guy ain't juicing. I mean, I knew Mike Weaver when he was, I knew Mike Weaver when he was 45. He was still good guy. Jacked. Wow. That's not steroids. No, he's, you want to talk about just, you want to talk about an incredible physique. Nice guy. Weaver taught, weaver taught that. I mean, look at that guy's build from like 1978, you know. That's nuts. Not. So, so. So you had some credit in boxing. So you

just called the station out of the blue. So I get over the hill. It's such a crazy. And the Weaver triplets are Floyd, Lloyd, and Troy, who were the fighting triplets who were Weaver's half-kid brothers or whatever, you know, heavyweights. They got a lot of half-kin out there. Yeah.

So I went over the... Half-kin. Half-kin. Those are the... So those guys all worked at the fighting triplets. Get the fuck out of here. Those are the triplets. This is a fighting triplets.

They all... They all worked. Oh, my Lord. Yeah, they all worked at bodies in motion with me. It's a little homoerotic, a little bit. They're good-looking dude. They've got that soft-loat. They'll put the fuck out of you, but they're also like, they're bodied up.

I've seen many pornoes like this gentleman. As have I. That looks like you got, you wanted... You wandered into the wrong gym. I would definitely click on that. Keep going on that. Hot guys. Well, I mean, that...

The owner of the gym hated me because Mike Weaver's like an ex heavyweight champ and he's got a bunch of secretary. So he'd just be walking by like punch high, punch low, punch high. It was like everyone's standing squared off, you know, just do it. Now punch low. And I'm like, oh, what are we doing here? Like we need to teach people out of a box. And he's like, no one wants to learn how to box and want to burn calories. I got the five dudes who wanted to learn the box, not the hot secretaries to punch high and the punch low.

But anyway, I get over the hill, I get to my client's house, you know, pre-cell phone. And I like come in and like, could I use your phone? And it's like, yeah. And I call Kevin and Bean and leave a message. I got nothing. I keep calling and leaving messages. There no one calls back. I can't get anything.

The next day, it's like, oh, we need trainers. We need, and they're getting them on the air. Hey, man, I'm a trainer. Oh, yeah, where are you out of? You know, what are your qualification? I'm like, they're going to get this dude to train. again, Jimmy had only been there like two months. And he was doing Jimmy the sports guy.

I didn't know who he was. But Michael, the maintenance man, been there like four years. I was like, I want to train the maintenance man. But it didn't matter. And eventually, they wouldn't return Michael. Eventually. I love how your goals were so fucking modest. I didn't have any goal.

I just want to train the maintenance man. I want to see inside the studio. That's my goal. I want to see inside the studio. So, but it's like a calling to me. So eventually I go, fuck it, I'm going down there. I find out where the building is. It's in Burbank, a commercial building in Burbank.

And I go down there and I have, I'm teaching a 6.30 a.m. class, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, whatever it is. So I go down there at like 6 or 5.30 and the whole building's locked up. Like you can't get in the building. And then some guy goes, building opens at 7. And I go, oh, okay, I'll come back tomorrow at 7. I go back, I get a guy to cover the second half of my class. Like I teach the first half and I run back to Burbank.

And the building's open and I get into the buildings, like a commercial building. And I go up to the ninth floor where K-Rock is, but the suite is closed. K-Rock is like their business hours are like nine to five. Like they go, when you pick up your prize, you know, you've got to come after nine o'clock. I know Kevin and Bean are in the corner somewhere. They're in their studio, but there's no receptionist. doors are locked. So now I'm like standing out by the elevators like going, what do I do? They don't open for two hours. I got to like go back and finish my class. I don't know what to do.

And like as I'm pacing around the elevator is trying to figure out like, do I go home? A guy comes out of the elevator. He has like a key card and he see him going around like the back, like to where the service entrance or the key card, you know, he's going to refill the vending machine or drop off something or whatever. And I go with him down the hall. I go, are you going in? You're going into K Rock? He's like, yeah, I got a whatever. And I go, okay, just tell them there's going to, a boxing guy's come down here, a trainer.

I got a trainer. I'm going to be by the elevators. I'll just wait here, but tell them to come out. And I don't know if they're on a break or commercial break or who's in there. What you know. I just sit by the elevator. And then like 15 minutes later, Jimmy just comes around, just comes down the hall. Just comes walking down the hall.

And he just goes, hey, you're the boxing guy? And I go, yeah, I'm the boxing trainer. He goes, okay. And I go, okay. And he goes, all right. And I go, you want me to be your boxing coach? And he's like, okay. And I go, okay, when do you want to start?

And he goes, today. And I go, okay, let's start today. And he goes, okay, well, I got to go back in, like finish the job. I go, destiny, dude. And he goes, how about, I go, when can you meet me? He's at noon. I go, okay, noon, bodies in motion, Pasadena. I'll be like at the parking structure across the street.

I give them the address. It goes, okay, see you then. It just goes back in the building. I go back my truck, drive back, you know. Then I'm just standing out there, you know, in 12, and Jimmy comes pulling up. Beat to shit, RX7. I'm like, well, this is show business? Like I was at Bondo all over, you know, parks is truck, you know, parks is RX7.

And I go, okay. and we just we go down the body's in motion we train for like 20 minutes and I'm like you want to get a snapple and he's like yeah let's get a snapple and we go up to the cafe this is what snoppel was a big deal upstairs and for two hours we just sit there talking about our favorite comedians and comedy and shooting the shit sort of falling in love and it's like he doesn't really want to train and I don't really I want to talk comedy you know and before you know it the fights come up in like three weeks, you know? And I'm like, I don't know what happens after the fight, because I'm the boxing trainer guy. I called in the station a time or two, like,

worked. I worked a joke in like I would work. But I didn't want him to think I was the guy who wanted to be a comedian. Yeah. Yes. Because I didn't want to freak him out. Like, I just want to be a comedian. I want to know I was a boxing trainer, you know. So the fight ended. The judges for the fight where how did Jimmy do? He lost. What did you teach him? I couldn't teach him anything.

I couldn't. I tried to do a thing. There's a picture of me and Jimmy getting into the ring and what was called the Blita and Recita. It took place to Reseda Country Club. Was he nervous?

Not really, which was weird. He wasn't that concerned about it. Pat O'Brien. called it. Adam Sandler was a judge. Wow. And if you go to the left, upper left, you see a picture of me with my

hat on backwards while Jimmy is wearing my old boxing trunks leaning against the ropes and Michael the maintenance man is pummeling him. That's me with my bodies in motion hat and T-shirt on. I sent him out for the second round with no mouthpiece.

I remember that. I remember like the bell rang and the guys were fighting and at some point I looked down, I was like, what's this extra mouthpiece doing in my hand? Like, was my first dog? My second one was, oh. But, you know, they had the face guard on, which kind of fucked me up a little bit. I think it was like three, two-minute rounds or three-minute rounds or whatever it was.

But the long and the short of it was, if you go to the bottom left corner, you can see like an old picture of me and Jimmy, and I'm dressed up as, Mr. Bircham, the wood shop teacher, Jimmy's wearing the glasses. Yep. He's in the middle. So we got to the end. He lost the fight. And I was like, well, now what? Like, what could I do?

But you guys create some sort of bond, I'm sure, through those weeks. Yeah. You guys were boys? We hit it off immediately. Yeah. And he said, like, do you have any tape or you have any thing that you've done? And I shot some Eagle Rock, like, public. access home improvement thing and it was totally rough and totally public access and

totally whatever but I said that's what I got and he said I'll look at it and I gave it to him and you know the genius of Jimmy he like saw something in it like he was like oh this guy's good for some reason even though he's totally raw so Jimmy got it and he said he goes well what do you do like what's your thing and I said I just shoot this shit, man. I just sit and roll with the punches and add to the conversation. Can you imagine? You and I be like, well, good luck with that. Right. What do I do with this? He looks at me and he goes, well, that's what Kevin and Bean do. And I go, yeah, what I would do is like sit in between them and like make them better, you know? And he's like, no. That's never, it's never going to work. You're the boxing coach. You're not

coming into the studio and hanging out and cracking wise. And I was like, well, what do you? What are you? you, what's your suggestion? And he's like, the only way you're getting on with Kevin and Bean is you've got to come up with a character. And I was like, I don't really do voices or characters. I don't really do stuff. Is Adam Carolla?

Yeah, right. Any more gray pupon? So I go, I'm not, it's not really my thing, you know? I'm kind of me, you know? And he's like, well, you better make it your thing and figure it out. And that was like on a Friday. And he said,

call in Monday. I'll give you the number. I give you like the hotline number. I'm not going to tell those guys who you are. Because if they find out you're my boxing coach, they're going to be like, I don't want to talk to the boxing coach guy. Or he's doing a character.

And think about what that sounds like, right? So he goes, I'm not going to tell him who you are. I'm just going to go, I know a funny guy, you know, he'll do a character. Like, trust me. And then he said, they're probably not, going to like it and it'll probably be the last one you do like you're going to it's going to be one and done like he wasn't saying it's going to be one and done but you know the batting average on your

stupid character with your boxing coach and i'll ask him if you can call in next week and they'll probably go it wasn't that good yeah so i like went okay i don't know i don't have any characters and but i sort of was going to fall back on like my groundlings training like i do know how to develop a character and I do I do I am trained to do this stuff so I went back and I was like you know I was thinking okay you're the you're the gay florist who's going to do the movie reviews you know or something it's like I was like I'm sitting around and go what I compare so tough yeah why would I call why would I call in what would be my motivation for calling a radio station like as a character.

And I started thinking about it and I thought, well, you have to go with something you know. Like you have to go with a subject you know about. And I knew carpentry really well and woodworking really well. And I was like, now, but what's the character? You know, and I thought,

I always joked about my shitty junior high shop teachers and what dicks they were, you know, Mr. Hensley and Mr. Soponzie and how they hated the kids. and they kind of loved wood and wood shop and metal and everything, but they hated the kids, you know, like the surly wood shop teacher, you know? And I was like, oh, that would be good, like the mean wood shop teacher. And then I was thinking to myself, but why would the mean woodshop teacher call Kevin and Bean?

Like what's his motivation for calling? And so I started thinking about it. I was like, oh, I know. Okay. So this guy, Mr. Bircham, the wood shop teacher, he teaches remedial wood at Louis Pasteur Middle School in Monrovia. That's his thing. And he is calling in at 7.15 in the morning. And the reason he's calling in is while he doesn't like K-Rock or any of this new music bullshit, his kids all listen. They all have the call. clock alarm set to K Rock. Because they're prime demo. Genius. They're a bunch of 13-year-olds.

They're skaters. You know, they love K-Roc. Yeah. So I call in and I go, you know, listen, I don't care about your music. I don't care about your nervosa and you're smashing dumplings and all your crap music. You know, I like sugarloaf and real bands, you know. And but all the kids are listening. So give me a second just to kind of use it as an intercom to like speak to the kids.

And then I go off on the kids. I'm like, I injure myself in the garage again. I'm not coming in that Quimby, Mr. Soponzie with a sweater vest. He's going to be teaching my class. I don't need. Look, if one of you goddamn kids gets near my drill index, so help me, God, I'll stab you when I come back and leave the McKita poster alone. I don't, you will watch.

He's got a movie set up. It's blood on the bandsaw. You're going to watch it. that and you put your head on the desk and ride out the rest of the period. You understand? You don't get up. You don't touch my tools. You don't move around. And then I'd go like, but hold on. There's one kid who's good. You know, that kid's good. And his name was Brad Higginstall. Like Brad, I've been thinking a lot about the cigar box. You're building your grandfather. I'm thinking about a butt joint. I know we're talking about a dado or rabbit joint or maybe a

dove tail or a finger joint. But I think let's just go with a rabbit joint. That's a clean. You can set up the data system on my contractor saw if any other kids get up you're in trouble brad listen to me that's genius and i'd getting it all specific shit of how this thing would be built that's so good dude about they they liked it it went well yeah well and they're like have that guy call in again next week and i kept calling in and i kept the would you and jimmy clock after like what'd you think jimmy he was like yeah yeah i'd call jim and i'd go were they laughing like i wasn't really like because they have the meeting after the show. Right.

You know, and, you know, it'd be like, Jimmy, you know, what they think. Ah, they thought it's okay. I think, I think, I could, I think I'd call in, call in again. Oh, yeah, I did the Bircham on, on, I do Bircham on, cranky anchors. You created that with Jimmy, right? Yeah. How long did you guys run on that? How, we did like, I don't know, four or five seasons and now it's back.

Yeah, now it's back with more, more seasons. How happy were you when you called Jimmy again? How did it go? And he went pretty well, man. Well, at the beginning, it was just like, I think you could call back next week. Like, I was just living week to week. To fight again. Those moments when you surprise yourself, when you're desperate,

like the only time I ever knew I maybe had, you don't know if you're talented. You don't even know if you can do this. And I had an audition for these agents in New York, and you had to bring a monologue. And I was looking at monologues, And I go, I want to write a monologue. I was like, I wonder if I'm allowed to do that.

Oh, not bring one in. No, and I wrote, I wrote a monologue as a, as a New York guy. And I did it. I had no idea if it was going to work. I was so fucking terrified. I was probably like 22. And I did this monologue, this New York guy. And they were fucking laughing.

And then he goes, where did you, where'd that come from? And I go, I wrote it. He goes, you wrote that? I go, yeah, he goes, you're very talented. It was the first time anybody ever said. It was the first time I ever heard that. You know, when you hear that, when something works like, maybe I can do this. But you didn't know it was working, right?

I mean, you're just going, you're kind of going, just hoping to get a... I didn't know it's radio, so I have no idea what the audience... And you know them laughing? They were like a little bit, but it wasn't overwhelming. But it was enough. All I needed to do was survive to go to the next round. You know, and I... But I knew that it was...

if the following week I went out there and shit the bed, I knew they'd pull the plug on it. And I knew I had to get, you know, eight or ten good ones under my belt before I could turn in a five, you know? Yeah. So I worked really hard at it. And it became like a sensation. And it was crazy.

So it's like I'm backstage at the acoustic Christmas at early. at Irvine, whatever, like with Kevin and Bean, like, you know, two months later. And all of a sudden, like, I hear Henry Winkler, like, celebrities would hang out backstage. And I hear Henry Winkler going, and who's Mr. Bircham? Where's Mr. Percham? That guy's a genius. That's fucking. And I'm standing back there.

Like, I'm swinging a hammer and teaching boxing. For anybody who's young. Henry Winkler was Fonzie. Right. Holy shit. And so I'm like, huh? And I, like, walk up to him. And I go, uh, I.

I'm Mr. Bircham, and he does the two-handed handshake with me. Yeah, it's a big deal. He's a nice man. That's a big deal. I'm not even in show business at this point. I'm still working as a boxing coach and a carpenter. He shakes my hand with two hands, and he goes, nobody does what you do. Nobody can do what you do.

And I was like, oh, my God. My mind is blown. And then, like, in the same concert thing, Duff Kagan or something from Guns and Roses, like, comes by. And he goes, he's like, sees. mean he goes you're mr bircham oh man axel was way off axel thought you're an older dude i was like axel rose is having thoughts about me like i'm i come from the valley i'm i'm working construction like you and axel rose are having a discussion about mr i get signed from william morse because like the head guy like mark itkin over there is a huge birchum fan i get on the love line everyone's just huge mr birchum fan

And it was funny, and that's why... What a story. So then you and Jimmy just kind of kept this relationship. Yeah, well, the thing that you know about Jimmy or you need to know about Jimmy is, I'm the guy's boxing coach, and like 10 minutes later, I'm twice as famous as he is. Is Mr. Birchow.

Jimmy has been kicking... He's been knocking around radio for seven years at this point. Like he's in Tampa, he's in Seattle, he's getting fired from Palm Springs. I come in and in two months, I'm a huge star in radio and no one cares about him. Oh, that's fucking God. And a lot of dudes would have turned on me. Like a lot of dudes at that point would have went, I'm not going to help you with your next birchum bit or I'm not going to edit the bit.

You're like a lot of guys would have went, hey man, good luck. Yeah. He just went, I'll help you. I'll do whatever. I never met him, but I was on the same plane with him, and I watched how he interacted with fans. He's just such a good fucking guy, man. Oh, my gosh. He just seems like such an amazing guy.

I've always liked him. You guys are still close now? Oh, yeah. He completely went to bat for me. Is that guy in the picture eight feet tall or is it nine? Bean is like six six. Bean is like six six. I think that was Bean.

Kevin's like six two. Oh, look at Kevin. Yeah, Kevin. Yeah. And Henry Winkers like. Five seven. He's, um. I've met Henry.

Yeah, he's a good man. He's, he's, he's F1 size. Who would have thought that you and Jimmy, the careers you guys would have led to, man? We used to. We used to. Well, Jimmy's a fucking monster. We used to, well, Jimmy's a monster. Jimmy, Jimmy.

Oh, how dare you? You'd like yourself enough credit that. Jimmy and I used to finish Kevin and Bean. Now, you know, he's, he is, he's not low man on a total bowl, but there's Kevin and Bean, then there's a big gap. And then there's like Jimmy and the producer, Frank, is on the left of this picture and Frank Murphy. And, you know, Jimmy didn't have any juice around the station. It's not like he could go into Kevin Weatherly, the program director's office or even Kevin and Bean and go, here's what we're going to do, fellas.

Like, they just go, no, we're not. So, like, we used to finish the show and we'd go out to lunch or breakfast at, like, noon. Because, you know, we're done with work. Everyone else is at work. We're like done. And we just sit around going, what could we do? Like what show could we do together? You know?

And it was like at some point, some other radio station came calling and they're like, why don't we do a radio show on our station? I was like, me and my buddy, Jimmy Kimmel, could do a show on your radio station. And they're like, Jimmy's a behind the scenes guy. Like he's a producer. He's not a talent, you know. Like you're the talent. He's kind of a producer.

I don't see you two co-hosting a show. And we were forbidden for being on the air together at K Rock. Because when we came on together, we like got each other too goose up or something. So nobody was like, you and Jimmy have to do something. But me and Jimmy were like, me and you have to do something. So then what, and you guys created a man show? The man show.

Yeah, we were like sitting around. And Jimmy was like at the point of his career where he's like starting to go out. on some auditions for like good morning glendale they went the perky host and the guy was Kevin being at that point nationwide no they're just syndicated in Los Angeles but all the agents and all the other people were out here Kevin sit on the floor back then like he does today no he sat upright at that stage in his radio career and Jimmy was driving home from one of these good morning Glendale auditions you know and he said to me he said they want me to be to be be likable to women.

And then he paused and he went, my wife doesn't even like me. I said, I know, I know. I said, how could we, he said, we forget about being likable. The women, we should just do our own show. What's called the man show. Like forget about what women think. We're not going to win them over.

No. We'll just, we'll just lean into it. You're unlikable. I'm unlikable. Let's do the man show instead of trying to. make everyone happy. Let's just lean into it. How hard was that thing to get on air, though? Well, that thing was...

Back then, wasn't hard, right? It was funny because we... It was originally a pilot on ABC. Oh. And it was initially... It was initially... It was initially a pilot, and it didn't get picked up by NBC. But eventually,

Comedy Central picked it up. And then once it got picked up, it just kind of immediately became success. And then Rogan was on the man show. Rogan and Doug Stanhope took over. Yeah. Yeah, I never, you know, it's weird. I don't think Jimmy liked us being replaced.

I wouldn't either. I wouldn't either. I just didn't have any thoughts about it. Really? Because that was because you guys cultivated and created that thing. I would definitely feel some type. I'd probably be more in the Jimmy camp there.

I think most people would. Were you both married back then? I wasn't. Jimmy was. My feeling was we created this show. Unfortunately, we don't own the show. We created it. And it's super successful.

And they're going to do a season five and there's really nothing we can do about it. So that's it. I don't care. I always think it's a bad, kind of use of time when like somebody says it's sort of like it's like I work with mark garagos and it's like he'll take a job defending Scott Peterson and everyone will go like you're such a piece of shit you're defending a murder it's like somebody's got to defend this guy

yeah and that's his job and it's it's weird for you to not like the person like Doug Joe it's like their phone rang and somebody said you want to host the man show they went yeah They won't host the show. Like, of course. And the network is like, hey, man, we're doing gangbusters in the ratings. We're in season four. Let's go to season five. And the producers are like, hey, this is a fucking cash cow.

Like, I don't know who to blame. You guys didn't want to do it anymore. No, we had, I think what had happened, I have to get Jimmy's version of it. Because I'm never sure how it was. We were like getting, we had completed our hundredth show. And when this show started, I came in, and so did Jimmy with like a whole shitload of like, hey, I want to do this and I want to do that. I want to do this bit. I want to do that bit.

And by the time you do 100 episodes, you're out of it. You're like, it's like any band with that first grade album because they've been touring and playing bars and honky talks for 10 years. And then the record company goes, put out the next album six months later. It's like, we don't talk about anything. Talk to everybody else. Right. So it wasn't like that. Like the shows were good and we always made sure they were funny

and we always put a lot of time into them and we always really made sure they were like the product was there. But like after a hundred episodes, we're like, I feel like we've said what we had to say. And Jimmy got the nod from ABC to go host a late show. Which was a big deal, right? That's a big deal. Well, the biggest deal, but I don't think either you guys thought that would happen, right?

Like, that's such a big deal. I was like, this is a big deal. This is a huge opportunity. And Jimmy helped me all throughout my career. And so Comedy Central came to me and they're like, well, Jimmy's gone, but you're not. You know, and then we'll just hook you up with Doug Stanhope or Joe Rogan or whoever. They said to me, you do the show any way you want.

You do the show alone. You get another guy to fill in for Jimmy. However you want to do it, we want to do a season five because it was a big blockbuster for them. And they're like, Jimmy was leaving, but no one else was leaving,

all the producers and all that stuff. So I was like, I don't want to do that. I did the show with Jimmy. And I'd like to go, you know, with him to ABC to like help him develop or launch you know the late night show and we had a lot of meetings and they kept wanting to go out to lunch and offer me god like 50 grand an episode which was kind of a lot back 10 and stuff and it just seemed weird to do it without Jimmy obviously and it's just

something I never entertained so do you think you do the man show today wonder what that'd be like pitching that I feel like there's room for it now. I do too. I feel like guys are hurting for something like that. Yeah, I feel like it is too. Especially if it's on the, you know, if you're on a Netflix, it's almost something you'd start on the internet and then you'd go from there.

You'd do it. Yeah, you'd have to get on, it couldn't be ABC or maybe even Comedy Central, but it'd have to go and you'd have to kind of lean into it. Like you'd have to make the new Archie bunker. You'd find a niche. The demos, the demos there. Do you think things change now that we've gone through this insanity and we are going through this insanity.

I was wonder what the ripple effect are. It'd be nice if we could prioritize a little bit. Like I started my podcast yesterday. And the first thing I said, I went to my studio Sunday night. And it's like there's a curfew and Santa Monica's burning and people are getting stomped on

in the streets and looted. And the first thing I said is, thank God we all went nuts on Jimmy Fallon's blackface from 20 years ago last week. Thank Christ, we burn the calories. I know, dude. Unearthed footage.

Unearthed. It fucking aired on NBC. And the executives okayed it. Thank God all you dicks bought into all this shit. Like, he's got to offer an apology. Like, are you fucking idiots? Like, how trivial does that sound now? Ten minutes ago, we're all upset that the most likable, innocuous, harmless guy in the world

did a comedy bit from 20 years ago. About his friend who was in the sketch. Right. Can we fucking at least. wait for something before we fucking get concerned. I agree. Exactly. And how fucking stupid do we all look going, well, he should have to apologize. We fucking look like assholes, right? That was like middle of last week. Middle of last week. It was the number one trending thing like, God damn, dude. Now, can we use that as a learning experience? Which is the next time,

but we won't, the zero burger comes down the fucking pike. Do we all have to pounce on it? I know. And I wonder if we do all pounce on it. I know. I say, and I wonder if we do all pounce, on it or is it 2% of the population i believe is on twitter in the united states it's something very low and there and among that there is just very very active shitheads on both sides of the aisle who go crazy and the problem is politicians see that corporations see that because of the way it is and it looks like people it looks like that's in the zeitguards it looks like it's a bigger deal but it's not right it's just fucking not big of a deal yeah it's so people are losing jobs or it because it's a big deal because they feel the pressure from social media really the world isn't

that upset about it but these few dumbasses are yeah that are the loud ones on social media yeah yeah yeah last question about man show and then i'll leave you alone about it when you and jimmy were doing that though do you look back on it now you're in the moment you guys didn't realize it was that the greatest time of your career though because i think about certain things i try i try to smell the roses i'm sure you guys had so much fun man you're with your best friend you have this huge hit show you're doing what you want to do that's a lot you're I felt about Houston this weekend, how much phone we had. Like, you'd have to sometimes go,

this is such a blast to be together and just fucking laughing and being silly. At a certain moments, but I'm sure that was special. But you're successful, dude, Jimmy's successful. You guys are both like these legends now, but for you, do you look back on that as like a, it was a big deal? Did you embrace it? It was.

I mean, you know, you never fully appreciate that. Like you don't fucking appreciate youth. You know what I mean? Like when you're 25 and in great shape, did you really stop? and couch. It was like, now, or I didn't. Your body just wasn't in the way. Right. But, you know, at some point, we had an entire building. It's like me and Jimmy shared an office with Daniel Kellison. And it was like the three of us just sat in a big office. I just had a desk that

faced Jimmy's desk. It's like he was on that side. It's like one of those gay piano lounges where the guys are going to both directions. The yin and the yang of the one. Wang. And it's like, I'm like facing him. And he's faced me. And I'd be like, hey man, I just lean over and let a fart go. You know, no work done. And get no work done. And we got a room full of riders. But the writers are like based on guys we want to hang out with. Like everything, like, it's not even good writers. Just dudes that are cool. My biggest lament, there's two writers we hired, which were funny. One guy still still working named Adam de la Pena. He came in. And like guys would come in and like, I went to Harvard.

And I was with the National Lampoon and whatever. And one guy comes in. He's wearing a Hawaiian shirt, but it's kind of funky. And we go, he and Jimmy, like, hey, where did you get that Hawaiian shirt? And he goes, uh, I made it. And we went, you showed that Hawaiian shirt yourself? And like, he's like, yeah. And we like put the resume down.

And he goes, you hire me. I'll make you guys Hawaiian shirt. So like, you're in, dude. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in. You're in.

Already I'm laughing. Then there's another guy we hired based on his softball skills because we'd play a softball game at the end of the year. This is the worst. We play a softball game at the end of the year, right? And I was like, how's your softball games? I got it. I play shortstop.

I got a cannon for an arm. I'm like, okay. All right, you're in. You're in. That fucker wrote no jokes. The entire season fucking sucked. Wasn't even there half the time. And at the end, we got to the softball game.

And I'm like, okay. I'm taking you first. The guy sucks. Got a wet noodle for an arm. I was like, fuck. Totally got fucked by this guy. What a fucking liar. You never played soft boy, your piece of shit.

You got to be careful with how you, but you can tell somebody's funny with a comment like that though. Yeah. Was it weird once the man showing kind of you and Jimmy go in your separate ways? That's been a little funky, right?

It's always, you know, most comedic teams end in tragedy. I mean, they just, Martin and Lewis or whoever, they just end up hating each other morning shows and a hating drive time you know when they take two guys you put them together for extended periods of time and tell them to do comedy and i hate each other you know he said that's kind of what i was getting at uh got to adam is the kid the fighter and adam this is uh no jim and i always got along and and it was like i've always been kind of philosophical about like

a little bit behind the scenes. Like, I always kind of wanted to do that. Like, I thought, I'm going to sit at this writer's table and I'm going to, like, write jokes and stuff. But at a certain point, it was like, it's five o'clock, it's time to go. And it's like, Jimmy, we need you on stage to, you know, run the monologue or whatever. And I went, and it's like, hey, Adam, go home. And I was like, okay.

Like, I kind of liked that. Like, I used to, I had a weird. perspective on things. Like when we do the man show and we'd run the monologue, like before we'd taped two shows on like a Friday night or whatever it is, it'd be an empty studio. The writers would all just be sitting in the bleachers or in the audience and they'd have to watch the monologue, see if they had any ideas or punch up or whatever. And I remember just staying out, you know, they clip the mic on you, you're in your sweatpants, where you have to go getting hair and makeup and blah, blah, blah, cue cards and everything. And I would look out at the writers and they'd be holding a beer and

like eating a sandwich and like fucking around throwing a nerve football around. And I would think, I wish I was there. Like like I I know everyone thinks, oh, you wish you were the one up on stage, but I'd see these guys drinking a beer and throwing a Nerf football and I'd be going, I want to be with you guys, not up here with the makeup and the hair and the going over the cue cards and stuff. So I was always happy just to like slide into the writer's room. Yeah. I've always had a fantasy of being an amazing writer and never having to do anything, but just sit around to think and write. Writing's a motherfucker though. But B, that's not you. No. No, I like to perform. I'll try jumping on his train. No, I like to perform. I just got back from the Houston improv too. Oh, yeah. You were there the week because I go, are we the first comics? Then they go, Adam beat you to it. Here's her last week. I was like, damn it. Yeah, you're the first guy. It was the second. It was good. I mean, it was good for you guys.

We loved it. Were you 75% or? They were 50%. So we were 75. Oh, that's better. I donated all the money because I was like, oh, fuck it. You know, if we're barely going to get paid, give it all the food bank and give it to the staff and do whatever. Yes.

It felt good to be back, right? A little sense of normalcy. Yeah. Do you guys, I was kind of surprised that I was able to kind of slip back into the act that quick. So was I. That's what I said. When we came off stage, I went. Because I was nervous because we were performing four months.

Right. I was worried about missing tags, stuff like that. Went back and I said, I went, that's crazy. Sure. First show was a little rough for me. First show, the second show was, I was back. Took one show to kick the wheels, the dust, and then the second one was good. I forgot a lot of shit in the first show and the second show.

Plus I had like 25 new minutes, you know, so that was weird. But it was just so good to be up on stage. It was so fucking good. You have more lined up, Adam? Yeah, I'm going to Nashville, Tennessee. I think Zanis coming up like the 12th and 13th. Yeah, for me, most of my motivation was getting a haircut and going out for a steak and a martini. I wanted to go out for a goddamn steak so bad.

Did you go to B&B butchers? Do you know where you went? Yeah, we went to, let's see, oh, there I am. Who's that gal? That's Gina Grat. we went to Mastro's steakhouse after that

Oh wow, I love that cup you have Surf and Turr P&D is the best Yeah, it was great to go to a restaurant Fuck, we loved it Yeah It was so great to go to a restaurant Empty

I completely Completely loved it And I got a new book coming out on the 16th of June By the way What's it called? I'm your emotional support animal Oh my God

The navigating Our All Woke No joke culture Amazing And that's my dog on my life. What's your thoughts on, I think it's good for everyone involved in podcasts, and Rogan's selling to Spotify. Oh, it's awesome.

Isn't it great? It's awesome. I mean, it's surreal, but it's awesome. And, you know, I always just think that guy's a good, that guy's a good testament to just go out and do what you do and just do it. Just do it early and often. Like I used to say to everyone, when I started, I started a few months before, Joe and people would say to me like, I want to do a podcast, but what do you think?

You know, once a week, twice a week. I'd go, just go out and do it. Just go out and do it. And they'd go, well, I couldn't do more than once a week. And I'd go, why not? You know, they go, well, because I'd need to. And I'd be like, all right, if you're already making, you're already making excuses. Like, we're already bargaining.

Like, it's like you're talking to Dr. Dru and going, I'll give up the fentanyl, but I still need a little whiskey every once in a while in a quail. Like, if you're negotiating, you're not. clean. No. You do it either you want to do it or you don't want to do it. Yeah, because you started a couple of months before Rogan. Was it on this?

No, because on my other show that we had a fan question, that who are the godfathers of podcasting? Your godfathers, yeah. Your goats. My goats are podcast. And I said Adam Crolla, Rogan and Marin. Yeah, I got a, somebody sent me a tweet a couple of days ago. And it was from December 2009.

and it was Joe saying just got back from the Adam Carolla show thinking about doing some online stuff like a little more consistent. Tom Green and he did you and I think that. Yeah, like he came to my warehouse and saw my studio and he was like... Same studio here now? Yeah, same. I got to bring my brother. He's like the biggest race car fan.

Well, the race cars, and you can find pictures of the race car museum or something like an admiral race car museum. none. That's a separate building. That building is a block away. And that's the building where we do all the dock. But even your podcast studio has all that race stuff in it. It's got some, but the building you want, yes, that.

That's crazy. That building. I noticed you're going to be in Minneapolis, by the way, in July. Oh, yeah. The Acme Comedy Club. Yeah, I, so. You've done the regular car ones, not the race cars? I don't have many street cars anymore.

Most of the cars I have are race cars. How many cars do you? How much? I bought a $4.8 million Porsche. Jesus. First of all, you got so much more money than that. Well, no. You're so much more wealthy than me.

A 4.8. I mean, I couldn't come close to spend that on a house. Do you have those cards still, though? No. Do you still have those? Is that a Gino? I don't. No.

there's a mirror you're looking at a mirro you're looking at a Lamborghini 350 GT you're looking at a Lamborghini mirror and uh you're looking at a Lamborghini is laro I sold all of them and the reason I sold all of them is because I bought a 4.8 million dollar Porsche what the fuck went in what went on in your head what what what yeah so what what happened Paul Newman's yeah well not not his you know what else is cool? First car ever sponsored by Apple. And now I've got to pour myself I'll do it with you.

No, have a, have a, let me let me get you the 23. I'm going to I'm going to pee. I'm going to pay. I'm going to pay. I'm going to pay about this car. So, I made a documentary. You're going to leave on the story? You had pee? Can you hold it for a second?

Can he hold his pee? Both. Tell me when. I'm going to get a cup too. And I'm going to pee. Hold the story. I'll sing the Dradle song. I had a little Dradle.

I made it out of clay. And when it's dry and ready, oh, dradle, dradle, you know what's funny? Talking to the engineer now. Yeah. I was always Italian until I got in a comedy and then everyone thought I was Jewish. But if I had to guess, I would say you're Jewish.

Right. But what if you only knew I was a carpenter and a boxing instructor? Would you still think I was Jewish? Italian all the way. Right. Corolla. So it's interesting when you switch your job, you can switch. You know, everyone has their preconceived notions.

Well, rightfully so. There's a lot more Italian boxing coaches than there are Jewish boxing coaches. And there's a lot more Jewish comedy writers than there are. Italian comedy, right? So that's the math that society does. And by the way, I don't blame them. They're just the kind of playing the odds, you know? For sure. Um, there's a picture of that car probably at auction for like 4.4 million bucks. And there's also a picture of it in the, um, also picture of it in the Apple liverings. Is your mark black?

No. So tell all the jokes you want because I hate it. Are we, is this thing hot? Is this thing hot? Is it the one right here, Gooding Company? Yeah. So, so I did a movie. So I got three docs out on Netflix now.

I have, uh, no safe spaces, which I'm in. Which is not on Netflix. Sorry. You're not on Netflix, Brian. The, it's got the 24-hour war, which is Ford v. Ferrari. Which is the movie that they based the movie off of. Yeah, so I did Ford v. Ferrari the dock before the movie, two years before the movie came out. They just thought, I don't know if they're, I'm not saying they're copying me, but we did that doc.

First of all, before you go on, have you tried this whiskey? It's goddamn good. Thank you. Keep going. It's so smooth. Isn't that scary smooth? So, what is it, by the way? Macato, 23-aged.

How much is that a bottle? $1,000. A grand. Oh, my God. Thank you. Look at how beautiful. Just whiskey on the earth. So good.

So good. Fuck, it's good. So I make the movie. So Shelby American, which is the story about Carol Shelby, is up on Netflix. The 24-hour war is up on Netflix. And Uppity, the first. black about the first black race car driver at Indy is up there up there too which they want to make it do a feature by the way yeah because it's a great story it's a first black driver at Indy and all

the trials and tribulations of dealing with the indie and you know racism and racing cars it wasn't just pretty white it wasn't just Indy it was all the way through trans AM series and blah blah blah anyway I make this Newman doc and in in the middle of the Newman Dock, winning the racing life of Paul Newman, Paul Newman goes to Lamont. It's the biggest race in the world, biggest, most prestige, international, whatever. And you can find pictures of Paul Newman at LaMont from 1979. Is Lamont a town in France? Yeah.

Okay. It's out. I've been there. It's about a two-hour train ride out of Paris to get to. to get to Lamont. And you go up right there. He was a very short guy. I think he was 5-7 or maybe even shorter.

Yeah. It's like 5'A. Why he's so into? He's F-1 short. I didn't want to be into him. It's just one of those things. So he's at Lamar. So I do this whole part in the dock about Paul going to La Ma.

Paul going to the biggest race in the world. All the paparazzi in Europe like bugging him jumping out. They couldn't get his. car out of the pit. People are taking pictures and in the way. And he wants to go do the race, but he doesn't, he can't take the paparazzi and everything. So it's this whole story. And when I'm doing the story, I'm looking at this car.

And I go, that's a 935 that Paul Newman drove at Lamas. Like, that's the holy grail of all Paul Newman cars. Because the other ones, Nissan's, Oldsmobiles, a lot of the race cars, but not at Lamont. He didn't drive it at La Ma. So I finished the dock. I'm always kind of curious where that car is. And then like two years later, I find out it's coming up for auction. And it'll come up for auction at Pebble Beach at Gooding and Company.

And it's never going to come up for auction. Some guy's going to buy it, go back to Europe with it, and it'll never come up for sale again. So I'm like, you got one shot at this car. But I'm like, I don't have. four or five million bucks you know that's how much it was going to fetch the auctions have estimates and and usually have an estimate if they say price upon request or estimate upon request it usually means it's over 10 million bucks jesus so if you're doing a ferrari gt o and it says like inquire that's a bad sign it's like market price for lobster you can't afford it yeah yeah market price

That means can't afford it. Yeah, that's cataport. So the estimate, I think, was like between $4 million and $5 million. And I was like, okay. And I was like, I can pony up a million bucks, I think. And then I can borrow the rest of money. And then I could sell every street car I have to pay for the one car. So we bid.

And you needed this car in your, it's like, like this, it's got to be a passion. I mean, like anybody who's thinking about doing that. It's history. Yeah. But that's a, that's a definition to me of a passion where you go, have a million. I could sell my street cars and raise the other three. But it's also a good investment too, though. That car's only going to go up in value. Maybe, huh? Yeah, it'll 100%. It'll be worth. It'll be worth $10 million in five years or something. It'll be worth a lot. But I mean, there's no guarantee. And also, I want to drive it. I wanted to race it.

Oh my God. When you drove it on Jay Leno's garage, there was a car issue with it? There was a car. There was a car issue with the 300 ZX 2 plus 2. I drove. There wasn't a car issue. I thought you drove this with Leno.

I did drive this car with Leno. I did not have a car. I did not have a motor issue with it when I drove this car. When I drove the other car at Sonoma, I had a motor issue. So you're kind of right that it's a Leno's Garage episode. And I did drive this. You can see me drive this car at Laguna Seca in a vintage race.

I can show you what one lap looks like or sounds like in that car. It's a twin turbo. Probably makes about 650, maybe 700 horsepower. And I don't think people realize how. how good Paul Newman was at racing for doing it for such a short time. Oh, he was good. Was he? Put, uh, let's see.

Yeah, go to the fourth. Oh, you can watch me spin out if you want. The fourth? Do you want to go to that one? Uh, go down. Yeah, go down to that one. Let's see what that one sounds like. Let's see.

I don't know what I don't know. Now there's a chance you can crash this $4.8 million car. Good chance. Oh, yeah. Now go to, let's see. Let's go another one. I'll find you a start of, one of these things. That Porsche in front of you sweet, too.

Oh, they're all sweet. Let's see. Do you still have that 74? 9-11? I'm not going to his Paul and him in Porsche. I'll save that for dessert. Do you still have that 74 one? Go to the 2017. Let's see if I have that. Do I have the 74? Yeah, I have that. I have that Porsche. Yeah. So if you go to, if you go to the Rolex Historic's race, at Laguna Seika, They have a big vintage race every year.

I'm going, I'm going this year. You got canceled this year, didn't it? The Pebble Beach got canceled. Pebble Beach got canceled, but the race at the track is still on. But the show's done. The show, all the events are canceled, but not the track. Are you nervous here when you start riding? Not as much as you'd think, though probably.

Is the money going through your head at all? No. No. No, my feeling is if I ruin the car, we'll have to fix it. And it's been crashed it. It's been crashed a few times. So you go through this whole throng of crowd, and then they grid you up on how you're qualified. And there's probably 50 cars in the race.

And they point you, they put you into your grid spot. And then once you get into your grid spot, when you pull out onto the track, you have to pull out according to your grid spot. So they go that way, that way, that way. So you're next to each other, like a regular race. And then they do a parade lap, just so you can get heat, so you can get heat into the tires, basically. That's why people zig and zag just to try to warm up the tires. And then at some point, the pace car pulls off,

and they drop the green flag. That's so cool, man Jesus Christ And everyone goes nuts I have to say that's pretty fucking cool Dude, you're moving Yeah, the car's flying What the fuck?

How fast are you going to have 1.35, 140 at the end of it Just simply too fast. You're right, watch how squirly the guy in the blue Porsche gets like His Porsche is so nice though Oh yeah, he's all over the face So there's a bunch of those are like RSR These would be vintage porcise or these would be...

Those are all vintage cars. There's a BMW M1 pro car that's like a little bit of head of us. No one are streets. So that RSR is the race version. Oh, okay. You can't put it on the street. So this is basically what one of these... CRS.

Yeah, well, he doesn't have turbos. Still, though. Now this next guy I'm going to kind of stuff myself into, which is like a little like, he could. It was a little late for a pass there. You go up the back hill. I'm going to miss a shift here

because I never drive this car. That was second instead of fourth. Then you drop into the carousel, which is this famous turn here. There's just big elevation. Do these other racers judge you because you're Adam Carolla? Or they're like, oh.

They're like, won a race. I don't judge you for having Paul Newman's portion. How long is this race? This would be about 11, 11 or 12 laps. Maybe they're going to go 25 minute run groups now. And so what they'll do is

you get real close there. That BMW in front is sweet. What's the prize to win this thing? Nothing. I won the Rolex Cup one year in a Dotson. Now, everyone asked that. It's sad. You don't give you a Polaro. They don't give you a

Newman, Daytona. No, it's a weird they should not give it out because every single person, I go I won the Rolex cop and they go oh cool, so come with a watch and I go no and they go, oh bummer, sorry.

And they walk out of the room and I'm like, well, I still won the, they still got a cup though, right? They should give you a Daytona Rolex for your troubles. It'd be nice. You a watch guy? No. Although Newman's watch sold for like 18.7 million

So here's the thing, that Paul Newman, Rolex, the white Daytona, four years ago, I mean Jay talked about this time, four years ago, you could have went into any Rolex dealer, any dealer, and get a Daytona. Now you cannot get them. The price of those have escalated to enormous amounts, all because this Paul Newman white Daytona. It's like a hi-hottish way. It's the ultimate watch. It hammered for 15.5, but with the Vig, with the auction house, 10.4. or whatever it was, it went for 17.8 million. And you want to know the crazy thing about that? So they wanted like, that thing went off in New York, and they wanted my Porsche there, like, hey, this is the car he drove

and the watch he wore and blah, blah. And that car was in the Apple. It's the only car ever put in Apple livery. Don't you love two good things you learn from racing? Livery and scrutineering. The scrutinier. they look at your car to make sure it's a period. I'd love to have that job.

It sounds like Elvis's backup band. And now Elvis Tresley and Scrutiners. Jerry Seinfeld says the ultimate watch if you're a Porsche guys, the Daytona. You shouldn't have a Porsche and not have a Daytona. Jesus. So they did this car in Apple livery the next year and it was driven at LaMaw

as an Apple-sponsored car. It's the only... If you go back, you can see the Apple headline chin. Go back underneath this one. Go back to page. Yeah. Yeah, you'll see.

And then underneath the Apple-Lyroid Porsche 935. So that's not the car, but that's a replica of that car, but that's what that car, that's what that car looked like. And Bobby Ray Hall won Daytona, 24 hours of Daytona outright in that car. Do you know that? Yeah. No. And it also won. Sebring outright. So it's got tons of history. So with vintage cars, it's all about history.

And so this has tons of, tons of Lamar races and, and everything else. But Paul Newman is so hot right now. I mean, everything, everything of his, his, his watch, his cars, the salad dressing. You know, it's weird is, I kind of studied it. It's like there's a period, like a steeping or cooling off period. Yeah, like, if you're a, go up or left in that picture. That's just a picture of that car from the day. It's the same car. It's a different wrap or paint. Right, different paint. So the, um, so after Steve McQueen died, Steve McQueen died in like 1980. No one gave a shit about Steve McQueen or Steve McQueen. Steve McQueen had some motorcycles, some jackets. He had some Lamas stuff and some Porsches and some

whatever. And it was like, yeah, turn the page. He's gone. He's dead. But then it took about 20 years. And then Steve McQueen's shit got really hot. Like this is his sunglasses and this is his watch. This is his bomber jacket. This is the car from Lamont. This is his personal Porsche that he'd gotten 71, you know. And so I started noticing what was going on with the Steve McQueen stuff. And at the time, you know, Newman was still alive. but I was like, it's not like the celebrity dies and then the shit gets popular. It's like the celebrity dies and 10 or 20 years goes by. And then it's like they do with the doors

or any of these movies, you know, like Bohemian Rhapsody. He's dead and then 20 years later, 25 years later, 30 years later. You know, it's like they don't do it. They don't strike while the corpse is hot. They wait a long. period of time. So I was kind of like, I bet, I think Newman, and also, Newman was a real racer. He won four championships as a race car driver. And his passion was very much. Like legit championships. Legit, yeah. He was a legit racer. And he doesn't have like a lot of, you know, Me Too baggage or any of that.

Like he was, he was a good dude. And didn't he donate all the proceeds from his dress? to charity? Oh yeah, he didn't take any money. He still does. He was dead. He's been dead for a while, but he was married to Joanne Woodward forever. I remember when they said, how did you make the relationship work? You're both movie stars. He goes, it's impossible. It's impossible then and it's impossible now.

Right. He's like a guy's guy too. And he was a stud, but he wasn't like, you know, now our heroes, you know, they look like the rock or on a sports name or some shit. But he had like a regular dude, boss. Yeah, handsome son of a bitch. Yeah, always in shape. Always in shape. Yeah, you're right. He wasn't one of people lifting crazy weights.

I wasn't ever a Newman guy. I was a Dotson guy. And Dotson, Newman drove for Dotson. So I was like, if I'm going to get a, so I started buying old Dotson race cars to go like vintage racing old Dotson race cars. And Newman was up in Connecticut and he raced for a guy named Bob Sharp. and Bob Sharp was from Connecticut

and Lime Rock was their home. Is Dodson a company? Is that a German company? Their Nissan. Oh, the Nissan. Is that Japanese? Yeah. So, Dodson has always been Nissan. At some point, they just changed it from Nissan. You know, the thing that's funny about Dotson and Nissan is if you show the livery, the paint scheme

of the major Dotson race team. So you have Bob Sharp's race team. He's out of the north. Up north. Not up north, but he's in the east. Sorry. You have BRE, which is a Pete Brock's race team, red, white, and blue. You have an electromotive, red, white, and blue.

They were out of here. It's all red, white, and blue. And you go, what are the chances that all these Dotson race teams are red, white, and blue. And it's like, well, they just got done bombing Pearl Harbor, like 10 minutes ago. Oh, yeah. And they want to sell a few units. They want to sell some Z cars and some 510s here.

Yep. And, you know, going full Tor, Tor, Tor, Tor, Tor, Tor, on the roof of the cars. Probably not going to get it sold. So we're going red, white, and blue. Fuck, yeah, we are. And we'll sell some units. Fuck, yeah. All the major race teams for Dotson were red, different paint scheme.

but all red white, red white. How he goes through all kinds. Red white and blue. And your daily, because you drive, you know, these race cars, and your daily driver, do you drive a pretty souped up car?

No, no. I'm all. Well, you and Matt, do it. Are you dad, Dadmobile now? Yeah, I mean, it's like you, you are. It's like, you don't want to get to a street fight.

You know what I mean? Like, you get it out in the gym, you know? Like, and also, once you drive that 935 in a real race on a real track, you really want to be like looking for, for cops when you fucking drop the clutch on the side street, you know. He still drives his RS2, whatever. GT2 RS.

He drives it. That's his primary car. It's getting tuned right now. It's literally Brendan's primary car. Well, here's my feeling. And they put a roll cage in it. I listen. He's putting a roll cage in it.

I love all motor. And it's 900 horsepower. He's getting it souped up. He's out of his mind. No, I, you know, here's my, here's my thing. It's my theory. It's why I believe Richard Gere put a gerbil up his ass. Because after you've been fucking Cindy Crawford for four years, where do you go?

Where do you fucking go? Oh, you can fuck a ratorette. Yeah, all right. Like, you know what I mean? Where do you go from there? Wrap of gerbil and duct tape and stick it right up your ass. So. Trim its nails and fucking have at it.

But I'm going to bring this home. Put a gerbil muscle. So I just drive. I have an infinity truckster around. It's a big, you know, four of the kids in the back and go to the Home Depot and get a piece of plywood. Two, and then the third that's not mine that I just abduct. No, I have too good. And then when I climb into the race car, it's like, oh yeah, now we're ready, ready to go.

So it's like, I don't want to enjoy myself that much on a daily, daily basis. Nothing? I used to be like a little more that way. Now it's like. Did you have a jag? I mean, yeah, I've had some good stuff, but I'm like, the older I get, it's like fly under the radar. Do by the one of you guys ever were motorcycle guys? Yes, I was.

I wasn't. Too dangerous. Too dangerous. You were. That's why I draw the line. I'm not that great. Hey, I was for, I just out of necessity. I just drove it for transportation.

How long ago, though? Just 19. And I've had a couple Ninja 600s at a Honda 400, had a Honda 404, had a couple endurros. And I just drove, like, for transportation back... God, those are fun, though. Back when. They look fun. That's where I draw the line.

Until you fucking die. Yeah, it's fine. It's hard. It's scary, but you get to where you're going so fucking fast. I get jealous when I'm sitting in traffic and they go between. Yeah, but somebody opens their door or anything can happen. You're just so fucked. Oh, no.

I was talking to one of the dealers that thought about it. And he goes, I go, oh, you know, I go, he said something, I go, well, if you crash, he goes, well, hold on. Have you leaked the stats? Not if you crash. Everybody crashes. We're going to crash.

Depends how bad. Especially if you didn't grow up riding motor cycles, you're going to crash. What the fuck? Yeah. Yeah, I had a, I just rode, I, my first transportation was a Honda 4004. There's a picture me in a bathrobe standing by a Honda 404 and a Dotson pickup truck that was my construction pickup truck out front of my apartment building

of like 1985. I don't know how the internet works. It's always a chicken. It would be a picture of me. I don't think you're not driving a motorcycle. I don't even know what you type in. I just typed a Honda 404. No, right motorcycle or something.

We'll see what happens. If pavement is too unforgiving and so are other cars. Oh, yeah. Like I kind of knew, oh, yeah, if you go, there you go. See what? How many, what kind of? That's pretty cool. There's me and my Dotson pickup truck with my bed box.

That's great. My toolbox on the back of the Dotson. Those Dots and trucks are so tiny. And I'm standing in a bathroom. Somebody gave me and I lost the tie for it. And I couldn't buy a new tie or afford a new tie. So I just had to hold it shut with my hands. Dude, this morning, this morning, I did a timely story this morning.

I helped my, my girl has a $1,000 bed. She bought two months ago. and she's got she's got too many fucking beds don't ask why so the guy she works with wanted the bed frame brand new

he puts it in his truck puts it we helped him get it right in this truck frame and everything beautiful bed I looked at I was like I want this bed cool well he's going to drive down

a long beach problem is he didn't he didn't batten it down and it was in the back of a truck like that the air got to it it went flying up in the 405 and a fucking semi.

Mattress in lanes. Yep. So dangerous, dude. And it hit it. No one said, hey, you should tie this down? Dude, and the mattress is heavy. All grown people, and no one. But the problem is the mattress is bubba is this thick.

It's very dangerous because it's this thick. So if you hit that, I know. I hit one clotted this like this on the highway and I almost fucking crashed. No. You or him? We're like, yeah, you don't think we should maybe put a belt on? I left. I thought because there were mover guys there.

So I thought the guys would do it. Like, hey, mover guys. Somebody tie this down. Nah, it'll be fine. You know how you do that? You're like, I'm not going for her. It turns out mover guys are just stupid guys. It doesn't be mover guys.

You don't be movers. You're going to think of anything else to do. I've never had it. I've never moved my house when somebody didn't steal something from me. Really? In the case, I lost two guns, a shotgun and a fucking pistol. You let to move your guns. I lost artwork, everything.

I didn't. They, maybe I did. No, no, it was. I moved the guns. But then when they're coming stuff, when they're coming in, they come. out somebody picked something up um that was a long time ago i sold my motor i i sold one of my uh ninja six hundreds to a guy he showed when i was like 25 he showed up with his girlfriend because his girlfriend like dropped them off and you know and it's like paid me the cash it was like 1200 bucks or something

he got on the ninja he took off down the street it's actually the street where this picture is like he took off down the street. I was like waving goodbye to him. He goes in and dumps it. He totally crashes it on the first turn he's ever taken on a motorcycle. And he comes back. He's got road rash all over him. He's shaken like a leaf because when you crash a motorcycle, you're totally freaked out. Yeah, because you can die. I'm still standing on my lawn with his $1,300 in my gym pants, you know. And he goes, I don't want to bike out. I don't want the bike anymore. I don't want the bike anymore.

I want my money back. And I was like, well, you have to sell your motorcycle. You have to sell your, you can sell it. I'm not buying it. You can sell it. And he goes, I just want the money back. And it's like, normally you can bullshit people, but I'm holding the money and standing on my lawn.

Like he knows I have his cash, right? It wasn't a check or anything. So he goes, I just want my money back. And I'm like, well, I don't know what kind of damage you did to the bike or whatever. And so he goes, I don't want anything to do with it. And I'm like, okay, well, good, by the way, because you would have killed yourself, I'm sure. So I go, all right, let me see if I can figure this out. I rode the motorcycle to like an independent motorcycle repair shop.

The gear shift, the peg, was busted off the right side. Yeah, I'm trying to think, oh, brakes on the right. Yeah, I think the, oh no, brakes on the left, gear shifts on the right. You got to check me on that one. I haven't ridden one while, but he, oh, no, the brakes on the right and the gear shift. Anyway, he broke the peg off on the gear shift side. Yeah, that's the brake on the right. So the gear shifts on the left.

He broke the peg off. So I had to ride this motorcycle to a motorcycle repair place with no peg. Like if you can't put your heel on something and shift up and down, it's just for foot, like floating in the air, like trying to kick it. Yikes. Kick it down. I rode it into this place. They repaired the bike.

It cost a hundred bucks. I rode it home like two days later. I get a call because this is back when it was in the recycler newspaper, like no internet anything. And it's like some guy calls me. He's like, you still got that bike for sale? Like, kind of. And it's like, and he's like, I'll take it.

And I sold it to another guy. The guy who was freaked out, I just took the hundred bucks. I backed the hundred bucks out that it. it costs to fix the bike and just sent him sent him the new check so yeah I'm sure the guy got a good memory man you remember a lot of details I it's a weird story that I'll never forget let's do current events I want to get your take on some stuff sure all right here we go okay so this video has been going viral it's a sheriff over in Missouri for uh I mean Michigan Flint Michigan he went viral because

because people started to record his speech where he basically said that he is trying to help his community and he's there to protect protesters. He's not there to stop them from voicing their opinions. And he took off his helmet. He made sure all of his officers took off their helmets, put down their batons, and they actually marched with protesters.

Wow. He's the police, what? He is the sheriff of a Flint, Michigan police department. I took my helmet off and laid their batons. Down? I want to make this a parade. So listen, I'm just telling you, these cops love you.

That cop over there hugs people, so you tell us what you need to do. Are they Channing? Walk with us. How cool is that? How fucking cool is that? I don't know. I don't like it.

I don't like all the feel good. You know, the cops, look at them. They're taking a knee. It's like a Pepsi commercial. One of the Kardashians. and it's a Pepsi, a stormtrooper. I'm like, it's all good. But I don't know that it really gets at the heart of the problem.

Like, there's still guys coming back with sledgehammers tonight, right? Yeah. But it just says that the majority of people are good people. Oh, the majority of people are good. Oh, the majority of people on both the planes that hit the Twin Towers were good people. I'm going to say it. Someone needs to say it. The lion's share of the people on both those planes, good people.

Unfortunately, there was like two bad dudes. No, and that goes a lot of d. One guy, one piece of shit, murdering cop. But the lion can kneel on a black man's neck and ruin everything. Over 50% of the people on those planes were good, is what I'm saying. But there is a couple of, but we know that it takes a couple of bad apples to fuck everything up. It's so funny. It's possible.

You know, Jim Jones, most of folks at Jonestown were family-oriented, folks. But Jim Jones was not a good thing. He was not, he spiked the Kool-Aid. But he got over a thousand people who were law-abiding, family-oriented. Spike the fucking. God-fearing. Yeah, so that's my point. It's a numbers thing.

It's a numbers thing. It's a number's thing. Those one through to America. A lot of damage. This is just a silly video of a bear breaking into a car. Oh, yeah, I saw that. We love bears, don't we? Bears.

Damn, how do you not open it up like that? He's walking on his... He's like, what the fuck is so excited. He was actually startled, too. God, scared the shit. So the bear went and essentially used its paw to open the door and then some... I don't know who those people were because that felt a little more like Mardi Gras than camping. Like that did not feel like the camping crowd.

There's a more reserved crowd. That didn't feel like a trail mix crowd. Who was making that kind of noise? I think we're probably trying to scare it away. It's a small bear. Yeah, he's a small brown bear, huh? The baby bear. What else got you?

Yeah. Shouldn't you lock your Mercedes when you go camping? And the key would work from there to lock it. Also, shouldn't we be done being surprised by bears showing up places? Because, like, we're in lock and yada. And a bear showed up at our swimming pool. Like, how many of those stories you have to hear before you go? Locked down all the animals.

We're like, hey. Bears show up places. Didn't a tiger get out in Oakland? Yep. A tiger was released. Well, it escapes, but yeah, there's a tiger loose. That'll scatter a protest. It's not a bad idea.

One large tiger is probably a good way. At least a tiger in Santa Monica. I was thinking about... Leaders are fucking with things. I was thinking about tigers at the zoo the other day. And everyone's like, oh, it's inhumane. And then other people are like, oh, they have a nice habitat.

You know, they can roam around. But how about the fact that the tigers can probably smell the gazelles and all the shit they would not? normally eat. Yeah, like right over there. Like when that freak you out, tiger did not get out, by the way. That's like you go to the champagne room at the strip club, but you're fucking zip ties and somebody's got your dick duct tape your leg. And it's like, that's just torture at this point, right? Fucking thing about it. You can't do anything about the tiger's got to be going nuts.

Like there's all the shit they normally eat just hanging out. You can tell their souls are just gone in their eyes. Fucked up, man. Depleted. What is this story? Last week, we talked about a huge pool party that happened over in the Ozarks.

Apparently, one person who went to the party didn't feel good the day after went to go get tested. Turns out he's positive for COVID-19. He was actually already positive with it when he came to Oh, really?

Oh, no. So they're saying that he's probably going to spread. First off, this guy's got a higher batting average than my pool. pool party. Because I throw a pool party, eight people on average feel bad the next day. Some is a sexual nature and then others just drank too much. It burns when I paid that kind of stuff. Went over overloaded the nachos a little bit, but mostly people feel bad after a pool party. So it's just one. It feels bad. All the alcohol. They say he's okay now.

They are basically saying that they're just making sure that he stays home for the time being now that he's tested positive. We're going to have a... And they're trying to get people who were at the party to also stay home. I was watching CNN and, you know, protest. It's on fire behind the lady. And I told you this story. It's on fire. And she's interviewing guys.

You know how it never goes well? And she goes, sir, how do you feel? He lowers the mask. He has like a thing. And she goes, you can leave your mask on. He goes, fuck Trump. She goes, okay, just calm down. And she goes, are you worried about the spread of corona during this thing?

He's like, what? And they just see him like go kicking a fucking door. Racism trumps corona. We all know that now. Nobody gives a fuck about corona right now. Everybody's like, fuck. No one's even talking about corona. No.

And again, like you said, certain priorities, priorities. But at the end of the day, it's funny to me. It's going to be interesting to see if we have a spike in corona cases. Or will those young people who are protesting be asymptomatic? Well, think about it. That's one way to get hurt immunity. I was talking to Dr. Drew about it earlier.

Actually, earlier today on my podcast, which was, okay so CNN has been feeding us this steady diet of like you can go to the beach but no handholding and you have to walk into the wind and no sandcastles and if you want to lay down you can't and like I literally hear these fucking pussies going like what if someone lays down who's going to enforce that like what if someone puts a towel down who's going to enforce that it's like okay so two two weeks ago they were fucking worried about people laying down on the beach now there's throngs of people shouting in each other's faces, tear gas, everyone's coughing and rubbing their eyes, spittle everywhere and screaming and wrestling with cops all over the country times a thousand,

times hundreds of thousands of human beings. And this shit is now six days old. Dr. Drew said it's basically three to seven days. Like they do the two weeks, but two weeks is an outlier. If you get this shit, you're going to get it in three to seven days. 80% of the people who get it are going to show something in three to seven days. It's been three to seven days. Minneapolis started a week ago.

Okay. So where are all the new cases? And if they're not any new cases, then shut the fuck up. Yeah, but they'll. And let us go to the beach. But they won't because CNN's ratings are in the dumpster because they're fucking. Well, the ratings are out now because they're preaching. Yeah, but they're.

They suck. And fear. And people really watch CNN on their way to the airport, like when they're at the airport. So they know this. So this is, they can't let this go. I get it. But at what point, like the fucking lemmings that are watching? So they-

How about Dr. So I don't mean a interrupt you, how about Dr. Drew taking so much shit when he's like, I think what we're doing is we're kind of, you know, we're bunkering down and we're kind of overestiming how powerful this thing's going to be. It's actually going to be a lot less. And he goes, you're not fucking, you know, disease control. You're not Fauci.

You're so off. And he actually had to issue an apology. He was like, listen, I'm not saying they're wrong. I'm just saying we're taking too many caution. Turns out he was right. Right. He's spot on. Yeah.

Well, where are those people now? Yes. They're still out there. They're still out there for them. I'm saying we need to get. My daughter, my fucking children have to go to public school. And they're talking about two days a week. It's not good for my children's psyche.

So fuck you, man. Did you see the lady? Jimmy Fallon and Dr. Drew had to issue apology. Fuck you. That's my apology. I can't stand CNN and they're- they're driving me nuts. Back to the protest.

Do you see that, I wish there's a better looking lady, but do you see the lady shitting on the car? She's shit on a car? She's shit on a car? It's a cop car. Like spray pant and then just this warlock of a woman gets on there and pulls her pants and shits all over the car.

I need to see this. And they're all like, yeah. I mean, I'm like you guys are worried about Corona? Like the mayor of Lanishment. Like the mayor of the mayor of the city. Atlanta said this is not a, that shit is not a protest, that's a chaos and, and your assholes. Is she better than the chick out of Canada that was in a Dunkin' Donuts or something who's

shit in her hand? Nope. I think the girl in Canada. She's taking a shit on the car. She has a Mohawk, sir. On the cop car? Yeah. Overturned cop car too.

She's shit on like the, I mean she's sitting on the back of it on the bottom of it. Well, they flipped it over. Yeah. What she doing? Oh, look at her. How about she was like, you know, I get to take shit. Oh, go on. You know, let's give the devil her due.

A lot of guys get stage fright at Dodger Stadium trying to take a piss. And there's a couple other guys at the urinal. You know what I mean? She's well put together here. And they're a churn. Or was she able to manage a Duke? Oh, yeah.

She's dropping up. Oh, she pulled her top up. soft surf. Way to go, man. Way to go, girl. Is he crazy? She's... Well, you know, the good news is...

The neck brace on. The guy's wearing the airplane donut around his neck. At some point, she's going to discover Jesus Christ in her 60s. And then... But this will always live on the Internet. You know what I mean? And she's going to be...

She's going to be a mom. She's going to be preaching to her fly. and talking about sins. Well, I hit rock bottom when I shot on a police car. I didn't see that. I'm glad you told me about that. That's right. I will not be the same after that, but there it is.

Any comments on that? It'll be, well, it'll be refreshing, because most people hit rock bottom when they're like, I took my kids piggy bank, I broke it open, and I saw myself in the mirror, and I knew that's when I needed help. And then she's going to go, I was shitting on a cop car,

and everyone's, the old room's going to go, What? Because most of them are like... You don't think that morning when she saw herself in the mirror with a mohawk, she had an idea? Everybody will be like... That life ain't owner? Oh.

Yeah. Yeah. I know it's... This was great. See, J.R. Smith? No. No. I didn't see it. He caught someone trying to, you know, the looters came by his car.

He beat the shit out of this looter. Oh, wow. He did not see that. He beat the shit out of him. Really? Good. Let me see this, please. All right.

I like seeing this. Record it, please. Just motherfuck. Respect his privacy, please. What? Respect the privacy. I'm kicking a dude. I'm kicking a dude in a head.

Be cool, man. I'm wearing size 26 Air Jordans, and I'm kicking a dude in the head. Piece of shit. Wait, was that a chicky punch? That's what I thought, but it looks like an actual dude. It's a guy. A little white Antifa guy.

Oh, fuck with his car. Hey, man, please. Privacy. That's a good friend. Get out of here. I don't want to turn. I don't want to have a turn. Is that guy?

Football player, basketball? Basketball. I don't want to take a turn for the racial, but white guy's looting. You know, we're hoarders. You know what I mean? We're not looters. We're hoarders.

Like, we'll go in and clean out the aisle on toilet paper. If I see a white guy looting, we're just not good at it. As a cop, I'd be so much harsher on a white guy looting than a black guy. What I'm saying is white people stick to hoarding. That's our bread and butter. Let me see what you say. That's what we do. Doubles down.

I just want you all to know right now. Before y'all see this shit somewhere else, one of these little, my f***le white boys, didn't know where he was going, and broke my fucking window in my truck. Broke my shit. This wasn't no residential area. This was no stores over here.

No, none of that shit. Broke my window. I chased him down and whooped his ass. So if the footage come out and y'all see it, I chased him down and whooped his ass. He broke my window. This ain't no hair. crime. I ain't got no problem

with nobody ain't got a problem with me. There's a problem with the motherfuck system. That's it. The mother fuck broke my window and I whipped his ass. He didn't know who window he broke. And he got his ass with. A giant super athlete chases you down. I'm telling you all now.

That wouldn't be fun. Just a giant super athlete closes in on you. That's what you get them, man. Of course it's what you get. You roll the dice when you break a window. Yeah. You really do. You could get an elderly man and a wheel wheelchair or you could get a giant NBA or size 26 Air Jordan to put it upside your head. Yeah, I think we all like this, right?

I did. I love it. I have a favorite player right now. Yeah, we all enjoy a little frontier justice, right? Bravo. Is that it? We just do one more quick one? Yeah.

It's a good one. Since Brian's been talking about getting plastic surgery recently. Yeah. Oh, yeah? Brian wants to get his lids done. His lids. What's wrong in your eyelids? In my family, they'd go like this eventually.

So my mother's like, get them done now. I'm like, all right, I'll do it. I'm going to Courtney Kardashian's doctor. Get him done now. My castmate told me to do it. And I was like, all right, we'll see what. I mean, it's not, you're not going to notice. I'll notice.

He said, you won't notice. I promise you, I'll just see. No, I promise. I wish it would look better. I think I'm going to come in, you guys are going to be like, I don't see any difference. You know what you should tell him when he goes like, how do you want me to shape him? You should go, make me look like I'm listening. Because I feel like that would save you a lot of time.

You know, if your kids. Like your kids, you know, it's like. And they were like, Brian is so engaged. He's so interesting. So interesting. Because I'm never engaged. Wait, well, let me see that video. All right, so this is sent in by a fellow by the name of Daniel Mar-Malejo.

And then this is a Courtney Kardashian's makeup artist. Oh, really? Yeah. That had plastic surgery, too. The dude. How crazy is that? I mean, how amazing it looks like a woman's body. He did that on a dude? No, that's him. Wait a minute. That's actually the makeup artist.

Yeah. And that's his body. Wait a minute. All right, let's just clear this up. Should I have a boner or not? I don't know. My dick's like looking to me like, I don't know. What are we doing here? Yeah, there's one right here. He basically got Kylie Jenner's ass done. Oh, he got Kylie Jenner's ass done. God, that's got to be a be awesome for stepdad during Thanksgiving. Those are his hips.

He's going to show up every year with that. That's right. Yeah. Pretty incredible, right? Does it, just because it can be done, does it have to be done? You know what I mean? That's the question. No, I'm not into it, Chin.

I mean, it's just. I don't know, dude. No, it was on topic. It was on topic. If this guy, this guy better never run a foul of the law. Like, if this guy ends up in the joint. He's definitely a bottom. There's no...

I think he's... He's Mr. Bottom. I would imagine that's the point. I think he's Mr. Bottom in life. That might be the point. He probably goes, Mr. Bottom, that's my dad. You call me Ernie. I mean, that's the point for this guy.

That's incredible. So is he... Yeah, I feel weird. He doesn't look like he has a penis. Because if he's just like that, I'm probably in, you know. But he doesn't look like he has a penis. It looks like he's gone through certain... I don't know.

I don't know. So what are they... He doesn't ask him that. They do inserts or like... It's got to be, right? They take this... They take the ad from the midsection, put in your ass, and then they... Massage it.

It's a six-week process. It is? Very good at it, though. You're talking about your eyelids? Are we still talking about it? Well, listen, I didn't know that was on the table, but I'll be back with a hell of an ass. My eyes will be looking like the list of my ass stuff. Yep.

My eyes, I'll look like I'm listening and I want to fuck. Front behind. Two for one, lids an ass. Back it up, Brian. Lived and ass. So, they, you know. All right. So they inject, they take the fat.

And inject in your ass. Yeah. But there's no search, they're not putting cutlets or anything. No, they can. I think it's called a Brazilian buttlet. It's called a booze.

They get fat and insert real fat in your ass. And it works. I don't have enough dick to really be attracted to that. You know what I mean? I love it. Parking up. Yeah.

Fucking Cessna on a big hangar. You know what I mean? Like, there's just not, there's not enough, there's too much. clearance. I don't know. I feel like you. You like a regular

ass. I like a regular ass. You like a flat ass? You know, my whole thing, I guess my whole thing is sort of like, I like an ass, kind of a boob guy. Like I'm kind of like, eh, show me the boobs. I'm looking for differences between me and them.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I have short hair, so I like long hair. Yeah. I got a B cup, so I like a decop. You know what I mean? Like, I'm looking for some separation. I don't get the dudes. They're like, you know the dudes that like the 18-year-old just sort of A-Cups, like built like a teenage boy?

It's like what? That's just, it looks like me when I was, when I was 14. What are we looking for that for? Everybody has their thing. You're in Nashville. You're in Minneapolis. Yeah. Your book is called Kansas City.

Here I come. My book is called, I'm your emotional support animal, navigating our all-woke, no-joke culture, and it's out that. 16th, but you can, of June, but you can pre-order it. You've always been pretty articulate on that subject. Yeah, yeah. This one, I go hard into it, you guys, in your audience.

Anything in the book that, anything in the book that you would not have in there now that all this shit has come out? Maybe half of it or so. I just leaned into it. I wrote in 50 years, Wallby Chicks, like 10 years ago, and most that shit came true. and this one is like, fucking I'm going right back to that. No more jokes about being a dad or anything. I'm just going right, right into it.

And when you write a book, like, you know, when you're doing a podcast, sometimes you have to watch it if you're doing panel on a late night show, sometimes you have to be a little careful. Even sadly stand-up now, you have to kind of think about what you're saying a little bit.

You write a book, you just go, fuck it. Yep. You just go all in. Yeah. Adamcrawler.com. Tickets and get your book. I'm glad you finally got to do this podcast. Yeah, me too, man. She's doing more often.

I love it. Great story. Me and Brennan are going to be in Phoenix. Come see us. Sold out. Sold out already. Wow. Tim Dillon won't be with us.

Where are you guys going in Phoenix? Stand up live? Oh, that's great. I think they're saying it's 85% capacity. Oh, really? I'm going to be in Dallas and in San Antonio at some point, but it's going to be in June and July. Spokane. We added a late show Thursday.

that's the 25th of June those tickets are sold out the thick boy bike club first inaugural ride is that Saturday the 27th sign up sign up at thick boy ride at gmail.com Salt Lake City wise guys tickets for that July 16th through the 18th we're also doing a bike right there sign up for that a thick boy ride at gmail.com that's it man t5k.com Adam we love you man thanks for having me this the final kid we're out