The Fighter & The Kid - Fan Favorite Episode 943 Chris D'Elia

Episode Date: June 21, 2026

Chris D'Elia is finally back with Bryan Callen and Brendan Schaub (and his new sword) on TFATK and the guys talk Chris' new special "Grow or Die", going "Off Limits" with Bryan, Sylvester Stallone stories, sex parties, butt sunning, Chris' new tattoos and much more!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I didn't do anything on it, but yeah. What's up? Oh, look who it is. Hey. We got big Chris is getting, dude. He's on steroids. He's on steroids. I'm not, actually, but if I was, it would be trouble, right?

He's so much rigors. Your voice is super deep. Dude, I'm fucking jacked. What? Oh, shit, guys. Oh, he got his feet. Why do you have to turn out? You have feet like a platypus.

I'm flexible. I don't even realize what's going on. He got a full chest piece. Like a prospect of the hells a desert. He has a mountain range. It's a mountain range. So there's an eagle flying and a mountain range behind it. And then he's got glasses.

He's got at the line at Disneyland. Hey, hey. No, my friend. No, my friend. Hey, tell me everyone one. We should meet him up. Yeah. I would love to just give you a soccer out.

Do you know what? It's so swirly. If you beat me up, I wouldn't even care, bro. Make your feet normal. Nah, flexible. And I want you. No, Levelin, penguin? I want you to know how flexible I am, dude.

And it's on, dude. Sit down. I'm back on Fighter and the Kid, dude. Okay. Yes, we did. Because we back at it again. It's the fighter and the kid. This is really the fighter and the kid.

Come on, baby. Well, that's when I did. Dude, 1997, guest of the year. We did dummy numbers. 1997, guest of the year. Don't say dummy numbers. Well, wait, but we went stoopy, right? We went stupidy.

Yeah, we went stupid. People saw it, and they go, That's what they did. I don't think anybody did that. They did. They went dumb. And these glasses, that's hilarious. You say that they're from Disneyland, because they're not. You dress.

They're not. Listen, you, you dress like my son. Okay. What is that? Dude. I can't have. Okay. Yeah.

Dude. Yeah, I got my own deal. Dude. Oh! What is a sword, dude? What are you doing with a scabbard? It's different now. Captain Hooker.

No, look, you dropped your special. It's different now. I got a sword. Yeah, I know. I dropped my special, and it's different now. Hey, hey, I'm going to say this. I'm going to make this statement.

Had to buy something. Grow or die. Now, listen, you bought a scavenor? The merch is Liddy, though. Hey, not for the boomers, right? Not for the boomer here. What do you mean? The merch is Liddy.

It's not for Boomer. My merch. Grow or die at chrystalia.com. What were you going to say? I was going to say that I believe in my heart, if you had that scabbard and we had to fight, I could take that scabbard away from you. Prove it. No. You know what I would do?

You don't even know what a faint is and you go like this. Stab them. Like that. And then I... Faints what you do when you see a really nice cock, right? You go, oh! Isn't that right, dude? I wasn't.

I need this, dude. Because shit's different. Yeah, my thing came out. Ah, fuck. Talk about stupid numbers. Christalia.com. Dude, are you doing dummy numbers? Oh, shit, man.

Netflix, who? Dude. Don't use this podcast. I know. I shouldn't, right? But I got this in case of intruders because shit is different now. But where did you get the sword? Did they send it to you because you hit dummy numbers?

A guy left it at my house at my Halloween party. He was a pirate. But I will tell you this. Okay. I go, when he did that, I looked at it and I go, shit is going to be different. And so I didn't give it back to him. Have you studied any kind of sword play?

No. No. If intruders come, because, dude, there's a lot of love out there for my special, but there's also, oh, and I need,

in case intruders come, and my sweetheart at home, she was like, thank you. Just say your wife. I know, no, no, I know, but,

say your wife. I know. Call her sweetie pie. My sweet idol. At home, she goes, consensity. She didn't actually say it,

but her energy was, my hero. And I say, I got it in case of intruders. She says, should we set an alarm? After I got off of the floor for laughing 45 minutes, I said, we don't need no stinking alarm. And I took this out and she goes, and she basically said, my hero. Okay, I have a request, okay? I have a request.

I'm coming from my groundbreaking podcast, Off Limits, from speaking to. Oh, you changed the name again? Yeah. It's called Off Limits. Okay. Because the shit I talk about is so off limits, bro. Guys, you fucking... There should be called off air.

Guys, be cool about my newest effort about lay branding. What is it? It's called off limits because the shit I deal with is off limits. Because it's off limits. Dude, that's so stupid. No, it's not. Off limits. No, no, it's like dangerously off limits.

But listen. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah, because I'm changing the conversation. Oh, yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah, Bion. Don't do that. Hey, you know what I heard, though? I was in Casey's office right next and I hear they're at the interview and Brian goes,

you know, Joe Rogan? He goes, yeah, Brian goes, man, I got to get you in with him. Hey, bro, don't toss that around. That was based on a conversation that happened beforehand about that. You're taking everything out of context. Let me get to my point. You're saying it's fake news. No, let me get to my point.

Fuck. Look, I just came from having a very deep conversation. Once again, I'm about. on my groundbreak. Just give us a summary and stuff like that. I'm changing the conversation. I'm immersing myself on the best that's been thought and said, I come from a world of substance.

I'm begging you to make this podcast, at least a little substantive. Oh, God. Please one? Yeah, this one. So I can give me some meat I can chew on. Hey, listen, man, you want substance. You go to chrystalia.com.

You want fun in games and you want, you want to you know what I mean and that's honestly I haven't even thought about the backstory of the character I haven't thought about where my character grew up

but already on this good Ar, matey you know what I'm talking about? I don't think a pirate that's not what I consider to be like a harbinger of good stuff right Educate him on how pirates were gay

A lot of fucking that went on So is this And you know why Because they were all in the same boat And if I was on the same boat with a bunch of dudes you know how long it would take me to start fucking guys?

Okay. Eight days. I've thought about this. But if we're three pirates, we're longer than a week. You know what? Three pirates. We're three pirates. We're at sea.

I don't know. Six months. Who's getting fucked first? Well, we'll get into that. You're, Hey. Well, no, I'm not. Hey.

What are you? Me? Hey. With him? Callan. Callan. You might not get smashed a lot, but. We're using your mouth.

Hey, you have to know in prison. I'm trained. you for cigarettes, right? You use... We're using your mouth. Don't say. What do you want to do? You want to go...

You want to go overboard? Do you want to come this way? No. No. You're making... Either way, he's not going to be able to breathe. Who needs you a shot caller in prison or on the high seats? I'm talking about on the...

And I haven't even thought about me back story. Dude. Do you understand what I'm saying? No, I don't understand what you're saying. Chris DeLea got a sword. Dude. Nobody said that. Yeah, dude, they did outside of Arrow-W-W-W-A.

I didn't know where I was going with this now. It's okay, man. If we're on the high C, hey, hey, here's my joke. Hey, guys. You're getting dick and scurvy. That's what you're getting. Hey, you better eat some fruit and stop sucking dick.

You're about to get some scurvy. Hey, I'm losing my teeth. I haven't got any vitamin C. My teeth have fallen out. That's all right, Brian. Yeah. It's better for us. Yeah, I got some.

It's his pirate humor right here. Yeah, dude. Let's write a fucking movie called Gay on the High Seas. Yeah. What, what, what? Yeah, they did one with Brokeback Mountain. I want your hars. I want your hars.

Oh, nice. Hey, we're one for cowboys. You could do, they should do one for gangs. Like a gay gangbanger. Hey, hey, dog. Hey, hones. Wait, you, let me ask you something. I'm not, I know.

I look tough. No. I've never had a running with any gang. I'm just trying to think of like, if I was cast in a movie, you are not, I can't cast you as the hero. You just don't, you're just awkward. The neck tattoo. Not anymore, dude. You just look, your, your whole face is, you're, you are,

you're unconventionally charismatic. So there's something going on. I do. Overall, you're not a hero. I'm getting behind, right? So there's a dangerous situation. The fuck, zombies are coming. I'm going to get behind him because he's got a mustache, but he was UFC guy, big guy, strong guy. Sure, yeah. But in

no situation, there's no situation, where there's a dangerous situation. Yeah. Where we go, What the fuck? Tsunamis coming. The pirates are coming. Zombies. Let's get Chris.

No. Where's Chris? Nobody's getting behind you, right? Before we die. First of all, he's not stopping a tsunami even. That's a bad example. It's a bad example,

but I'm saying, an emergency. There's an earthquake. Yeah, yeah. Put the volcano. Put the volcano. Giving a Sotagari to a volcano. Hey, put a fucking Kimura on a,

on a fucking, yeah. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, dude, you're coming. comes a wave, dude, get in Kibadachi. Fuck off, man. You're dying no matter what. What I am saying is if a tsunami comes, you want me there because until we die, we're having a laugh, dude.

We are having a ball, and I will slice right through that tsunami. You know what happens with you if there's an emergency? And we're like, let's go. We got to get out of here. And you're like, I need a nap. No, dude. I wet myself. Is that a real sword?

Holy shit. You brought that sword. A guy left it at my fucking Halloween party, and he put it in my bedroom because my kids were at home and said, I forgot there were kids here. So let me put my real pirate sword in your bedroom. And he did. And then when he left,

I didn't remind him about the pirate sword because I wanted it. So he stole it. Well, he shouldn't bring a real sword to your home. No shit, dude, but he's my tattoo guy. He's crazy, dude. He's crazy. So he's a lot of my pieces, dude, and he left this piece there. And I'm fucking, dude.

I'm so jacked man. And you wanted it. And you said, you let him forget. I let him forget. You know how you know I didn't forget? Because when he left, I waved at him. And I said, bye, and I looked right in his eyes. He had a full pirate outfit on.

And I just go, see you, dude. See you later. In my head, thought bubble, sword. Me, just. it's different now thinking about bits dude i'm thinking i'm gonna kill this shit on instagram see you dude and he goes ironate his how long fucking limped with the peg leg and i go that shit's mine now and as he left you went like this yep and you shot a video pretend to be brittany spares pretty special i didn't i didn't even think about that actually but it was a lot

have you seen his big sloppy cock in that thing well it's bunched but go ahead and that's the first thing i noticed just this lazy it curls up it curls up it curls up like a viper. Dude, you have to, because it, you have to. You have to. I sent, uh, I sent my, uh, oh yeah, there you go. All I saw was Dick first. Oh, okay. So it's bunch of up. And your body's, you, you're, it's soft around the middle. No, I'm not.

Hey, John Wayne Pars said, your sword looks cold. Look at his feet. Look at his feet. What he said? My sword looks cold. John Wayne Parr said that? Yeah. It was less than 24 hours and you come home with a sword? shit is different now look at how ridiculous you are with your eagle

dude look how fucking cool I am man I put it out myself so now you know who you flexing dude she's married to that I got a sword she's married to that you have a kid I guess I don't see the correlation

like you put it out yourself it's amazing best special you've ever done thank you honey Thank you. But. You're not just saying that because I'm, I swear to you, right? No, I'm saying it both reasons, yeah.

Check out this part, though. One thing's cool. You could, if an intruder comes in, because my special is so dope that it troops my coming. And if they come in, I could slice them. And this way, when I slice them, and this is the thing where they think, I think I missed.

I slice them, you think I miss it. And then after a beat, they just go, like this. you ever seen ghost ship it happens in ghost ship dude and you just slice them up that's

you cut them this way they don't know and then you go you go enemies just all sorts and it's like breaking more to you no different

they're all just like and they go oh no you look like you were waiting a flag Chris is fuck now and then they all go like this and they say and I realized that I saved the day

dude Hey, to be honest, though, be all jokes, I'd, how long you've known him? Way too long, but probably 15 years ago. I don't know, like 10? Yeah. This is the best shape he's been in? Fuck yeah, dude.

Best, best comedy you've ever done. Thank you. That special was really good. You paid for it? But I don't think he's in great shape. I sent it to him. No, I got it for free. I got it.

I sent it to him because he asked. I would send it to you, but you didn't ask. I illegally stream it. Oh, that's okay. Your people are, buying it a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I wouldn't say he's in great. I said people. I wouldn't say he's in good shape. He's just put on

he's eating. Let's get back to the compliments. He did pistol squats. He did a bunch of pistol squats. I know. And then let's show me. We've got Whole Foods. Like, can you do this? I'm like, what? Yeah. Yeah. I am a maniac. I go 100 miles an hour. And I'm into working out now. So I'm doing it 100 miles an hour. You don't do any, uh, anything. Like Ben Diesel. No sport. No, of course not no sports. You never done a sport, but also.

I did do it. You never done any kind of thing with a ball. Can you throw off a ball? Have you ever thrown football? That's dumb. Kid shit, man. Okay. Good shit.

But you, you, you do in Calms by Jeff. Let's play catch. I can't. Okay. No, dude. Then you're going to be like, let me call Uncle Brian. He comes over to Tesla and kids are like, absolutely not. Now, let's call Uncle Brandon, right, if we want to bring in the big guns.

Don't be a dick. Let's call it Uncle Brian. I can fucking. Oh, Brian's driving here. How do you know? Because you can't hear him. me and the fucking tessor no i can

this is the sound of a tessa yeah but you know what you hear that's me throwing a spiral right I thought you said that's your card no that's what that's me throwing a spiral I do it I'm not gonna throw oh I broke my fingers well what's that

oh so couldn't catch it it's me fast release I know no yeah like that how come you can do that that's a real old man shit huh could anyone do that under the age of 50 no it's a boomer I can tie knots It's a boomer whistle. I can tie nuts.

Yeah, I can do all kinds of great shit. Tie knots, do that. My mom can do that. She used to do that shit. Can you do this one where you put the, oh, old school. I can really whistle. That's great, dude.

Can you do that, Chin? You're not, you know, young. That's really great, Brian, that you can do that. I'm really proud of it. The only time my father ever, ever, kind of was like a little envious of me where we were trying to catch a cow. And he's like this and I go,

like that. Cab stops. And he goes, Jesus, how do you, I've always wanted to be able to do that. Yeah. And I was like, well, too bad. The reason why I didn't come on this podcast before is because I hated that pinstripe thing. Oh, you know what? We get that a lot.

What do you mean? Oh, really? We get that a lot. What do you? Everyone's like, dude, we've been waiting for you to change the background. And, dude, for us, we changed the background, things are different. Yeah, exactly. You want the sword?

Dude, this looks way, this looks dope. It looks dope. Yeah. So, shoot. How are things going on your right? How's the pod, dude? It's going good, man. I'm out there.

I'm just, you know, got my heart in it. Man, just out there just, like, leaving in myself. And it's great. Be sincere. No, everything's good, man. I get out there and I just give it my all, dude. I sit down. Hold on one pot at a time.

I write it, but I write it and I think about it. Give the kids something substantive. Okay. Like, say something. Say something that we can learn from. Okay. Like, what are you thinking about? I've been thinking a lot about what's going on in the world.

Okay. Give us, what's your take on the world situation. Oh, God, it's in a dire state. But I will tell you this, man, I think it's crazy that in 2020, all that stuff went down politically. And then now we're going to be right back there. And it's funny because if you look at videos from even a long time ago, we're still talking about the same issues. And no matter who you are, what race, color or creed, you can identify with what they're talking about. Because why? Because we're all part of the human race. right oh jeez so i like that general you gotta have me though yeah being super general so whether you are

in the middle east or just you know in the east in the valley uh in the middle east or just the regular east yeah you can all identify with the fact that uh no right i know you know no racism but no racism but no racism but i almost didn't come here because there's no blacks i almost didn't come here I show in and I go like this I say I say chin isn't enough

we need not just Sana's is dude, it's a melting pot right so she agrees with me then whether you're in the Middle East or the Far East or the regular East

and that's beautiful and so she really likes my sword have you ever seen Prince of Persia but dude he has it oh God think about the staff here

you're at Asian we got you know Asians don't Persian Persian Persian we got the young demo we got the

you know the white trash right and then we got we got Mexican Asian Persian in bread You guys have to fucking do all the

Mexican, boomer, you. Right. Now, listen. Pasty white. Let's let's let's let's let's let's let's Let me ask you a couple questions so we know what we're dealing with. Okay. What are the two countries Gaza borders?

I'm not falling into that trap my friend. What do you mean? Nice try. We are not talking about that in depth here because It's not in depth. I'm literally asking you a simple question. I know, but we can't go below or above because we will just get shredded. Oh man.

You're right. You want the real stuff, you go to Chriselay.com. But you have been pushed to the right a little bit, right? It's hard to stay in the middle. Yeah, there you go. It's hard to stay in the middle. When they keep moving the goalposts, take it easy.

There he comes. Yeah. It's hard. It's like, you know, it's like you used to be able to say certain words, and they change the words on you. You'll say the word. And they'll be like, you can't say that anymore. And you go, why?

And they say, just not acceptable anymore. And you just go. Does that make you angry? Oh, no. What are you doing? Do you spread wings? two wings

two two right wings I keep flying in a circle oh you can't say retard anymore but just in a circle

they used to say retort on commercials ah They did, dude. Yeah, it's a weird time. We're all getting older. I'm really old, but you guys are in your 40s, soon to be mid-40s. Barely.

How old are you now? 40. Oh, you're only 40. Yeah, I'm a young one. You're still young. Is 40 young 40s and 30 is what they say? Stallone, I watched that special. I mean, his documentary is very good.

And he goes, you know, after 40, 40 is your gaining. and then after 40 it's kind of lost. You know, you're losing your physical prime. You're losing, you know, friends get married and move on. There's all kinds of stuff. Yeah, we have about four friends loved. Yeah, but that's kind of what happens. Three of them are in here.

And then he was even saying, I thought that was a documentary because he was saying, trying to stay relevant and realizing that he did so many movies, he goes, oh, he had to see his things, 25 movies. And he goes, if I knew I only had 25 movies to make in a lifetime, You think I would have done all these? And he was pointing all the movies that didn't do well. He said, you know, he created Rambo.

He created Rocky, too. And he's a genius. If you hear how he knows how much, he's a genius. Oh, I know. He's a fucking G-Sy-Sy-Man. So when he wasn't doing, when he wasn't doing action movies where he was, yeah. But he did action movies where he wasn't saying much. And he said, he goes, he goes, a lot of people think they can do everything.

You can't. You can do a couple things. Right. And that's it. But then he goes, and here I am in this house. And he goes, all my kids have moved on. Yeah. And now I'm kind of in a big empty box.

Is it, but is he still with his wife? Yeah. Because that one, I assume that one's a better ending than the Arnold one. Arnold one makes it sad. It's so much better. Because the one,

you're like, oh, no, no, because right, he had a baby with the, oh, right.

He's talking to his donkey at the end. He's just like feeding the donkey. Oh, he's in a castle by himself. Stallone's, basically Shrek. Come on do it. With a donkey.

Yeah. Stallone's family. They have a very good, great family. They have very tight. Oh, I know. The daughters are amazing. I guess, yeah, I didn't know.

They did. I didn't, yeah, I didn't know. They did. Yep. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Stallone did?

Yeah. His son died of a heart attack. Boxing? It wasn't drugs. He died of a heart attack. Just randomly? How old? He was like 28 or something.

That's horrible. It's horrible. Well, you know, you and I have kids. When somebody loses as a child, you're like, oh my God. Sage. And he never talks about it. I guess he can't. I didn't even know.

That's horrible. Yeah, you can't. There's still on. And now those were the, those were the Tangling Cash days, which is my favorite. I love the truck. He's always doing something good, though. That's why I think, like he's in expendables. What do you call it?

The Tulsa King? Are you kidding me? I didn't see it. Oh, yeah. He's so good. He's great. He's great. He's great.

He's great. Taylor Sheridan wrote that. Yeah, he crushed on Tulsa King. What else is he in? He does expendables? Oh, yeah. So he talked about expendables. he's that's the other franchise he comes up with so he's sitting there really yeah and he's and he's uh and so he's

watching oh he's a genius when you see i like he's he is and and no he he made uh the uh harry potter were you there when he took us on a on a tour of his uh of his paintings was i there dude he invited me and you came okay hey hey hey hey hey dude and then he did a post and spilt brine's name wrong yeah brian callahan dude i'll tell you this much man he did harry potter he did star wars And he did. He did blindside too. He did blindside. He did.

No, but he did. So he's watching the, he went to some revival of like, they had like Led Zeppelin, Rolling Stones, whatever, all these old rockers. And he's looking at them and they're all doing their music. And he goes, boy, these guys are all done. Just like, we're same age.

Movie stars, yeah. And he's like, wow. And he's like, but they're still rocking. People are still loving it. Right? They're still playing the old. It's like nostalgia. And he goes, why can't we do this for action figures?

Why can't heroes? Why can't we take all the action heroes from the 80s and 90s? and make a movie and that's what you know he did Expendable yeah dude is Chuck Norris in Expendables

was he in the first one see what the first one he's probably in it the first one it was like the A team and that was that the rampage was in too the Expendables

and it's like Randy Coutor him Mickey Rourke Rourke Wow Dolph Jet Lee Randy Ced Come on

Jet Lee looks like a lady Stone Cole Steve Austin What's that all about Bro Eric Roberts Looks like my aunt Mickey Rourke Rourke looks like my aunt.

Yeah, well, Mickey Works had some. Eric Roberts. He's great. And that's it that I know on that list. No, no, no, no. Praseras Barbosa is in it. Oh, Little Knog is in? Little Knows in him.

Little who? Is that big or little? I don't know. That's little. It looks like. And they're on their fourth franchise. They just did their fourth one. Yeah.

I don't watch them. If it's just action, no story, I'm out. No, that's what I'm into. I know. I don't want stupid. story. It all sucks. I just want him fighting and shoot and do it. Oh, Jesus. What's your favorite movie? My favorite movie, are you saying, of all time?

Give me your top five favorite movies. Oh, top five favorite movies? Yeah. The first four robocops. And then five would be the Englishman who went up a hill but kept down a mountain. It's a beautiful story. Dude, I There's only three robocops. Yeah. Well, no, not if it counts one with Joel Kinneman. But I think... Oh, no, those don't count.

I want to talk about your tattoos. Go ahead, man. Shoot. He has so many, you might have more tattoos than me now. I'm a full sleeve, half-slead. Start in their teens. You start in your 40s. Wouldn't it be a good idea to start when you already, when you end up knowing yourself and who you are? He's right about this.

I have a lot of tattoos when I was like 16, 17. You're 70 sham on your fucking ankle or some shit. Well, that one's cool. But the other ones, I regret. Football kings, things like that. Well, no, freshman of the year. That one's cool. But they're all kind of trophies on my body.

But I didn't have money at the table. time so you went to a guy and he's like a hundred bucks i'm like i have 80 yeah he's like we'll do it yeah i remember you and if i left you alone for a little while you'd come back with a tattoo oh yeah well let's go through these tats what would you get's fancy tat too the people the people what would you get if you're gonna get a tattoo elephant ear here elephant ear here no i wouldn't get and people be like why is it elephant up such a small trunk no they might do that i have a You could do a play on Tulsa King get Tesla King. And then across your back, but fuck me.

Oh, wow. Very subtle, too. I saw, I think it's like this little. I was in a, I was in a movie trailer. I won't say his name, but he was a, he was a, he had been a seal team six, captain of seal team six squadron and was, uh, had been through a lot of shit. Had been to a lot of shit. He was like in the in seals for like 10 years as a seal team. Yeah, he seen some shit.

And he took his shirt off. took his shirt off. He just took his shirt off and his back looked like a mausoleum. It looked like it was all religious. Those are dope though. All religious iconography. When you see the special force guys, they have like a number and there's like a bulletnecks or a skull. I don't want that. Yeah, this guy, I ask him. I'm going to say his name because he's a great guy, Justin Sheffield. Remember what he said? I wasn't going to say. I'm not going to say his name. I don't want to give this guy out. I think it's okay. You said it. You said it. He just got assassinated. Yeah. But it's straight up. You know what? Justin Sheffin said, it's like this.

all because of your dumbass dude i know well that's how i spill the beans but he uh he literally that that that guy right there that who had been through a spartan a spartan had been through what he has a beard that's very rare for those guys i don't think that's him yeah yeah yeah that's him right uh christian wouldn't shoot on me with that guy so it's okay yeah just but but he took a shirt of and he his it's that that religious iconography damn he's changed wow that's what an age will do it to you wow he leaned out i saw him right when he was out of you know, the service. And he just was a smart.

No special forces guys' tats are different. Bro, different. It's like when he's the cartel guy, different tats. In a way, you're like, oh, you earned that religious. You've come so close to life and death that you've earned that whole. It looked like a medieval ceiling that somebody had dented. And I was like, damn. So unless I...

Chris has a cabin. Yeah, let's get through, let's go through your tattoos now. Okay. So let's start with... I got no fear about that. Okay. man man i don't i don't need you to sit i can't relax i don't do that let me see what's the first tattoo let's go with let's go with

your right arm now what's on your wrist you got a dinosaur skull you got a what's that what's that lotus flower yeah and it says awake right there and then i got an elevator so you're awake now you're you've you're awake uh it uh it uh it's not done. I'm going to put above it. I'm going to put, I hate being. I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I'm getting all these.

Damn, did you guys get more protein and, you know? And more sunshadow. When I do my podcast, I pull my heart in it. I go out there and I sit down in my studio and I go through all this stuff in the news. And I appreciate you

watching. Congratulations. And also Golden Hour. I think you got. And also lifelines. So thank you. That sounds like... This is a triceratops for my... I talk about it on my special, chryslae.com.

Yeah. There's a story about that. Grower die. With your son. Because your son loves dinosaurs. Yes. And then this is actually a cool one. This is my grandfather sold newspapers on this...

Doubtful. Made up. On this streetcourt. Made up. My dad... That never happened. He used to help. Guys.

No, we're having them. Sorry. Italian immigrant? What's that? Yes. Yeah, from where? Body. Just say barry.

I know. I'm cultural, dude. Don't say body. Wait, so that's the cross streets of where he... Well, not in Italy, but yeah, in Times Square, he used to do it, yeah. Body. Oh, so he sold newspapers in Times Square and you got the cross streets. Yeah, because I love my grandpa.

And he had, what did he have a stand there? He had a stand, and now it was demolished. But not his memory. What are the cross streets? 33rd and 7th 33rd and what 7th right there you know New York

you say time square that's not time square no it's not time square okay well I fucked up yeah so yeah 30 30s because that's just some corner okay it's not some corner it's near union station okay

hey Chris look at us my boy knows New York right yeah dude bro your heart bleeds you're talking about Penn Station yeah what I said it's a union station all right well whatever bro

that's in fucking DC okay it's fine you made up the whole story it is what it is Who was your grandfather's name? I fell asleep and this is what happened. You're panicking. Do you think you lied about that tattoo?

Like, I lied about using just for men? Oh, God. This is a street corner. I used to get butt-fucked in Pennsylvania. You, yeah, we'll get to your mustache in a little bit because I want to talk about that. What's wrong with it? No, we'll talk.

Something's wrong with it. No, my Saddam Hussein. What? Yeah, well, you look very, very Mario Brothers Italian, right? You do. Don't jell-o, no, but I bet out of where Latina. It's me, Mario. Adon Jerry,

So you got that. So now, let's keep going. Well, that looks like a boudoir or something. What is that? What? That's a vending machine. That's a vending machine. It's a fucking dumb waiter, dude.

It's an elevator. Why'd you get an elevator on your fucking forearm? I would like to know. Yeah, you weren't, bro. You know why you had a fucking show in Toledo? Was a staircase taken? No, I got that too. Oh!

You got a stair, you got an elevator and a staircase. Does that signify you could take the elevator and get there faster or you could walk, which is better for you? I can't wait to get an escalator, dude. Why'd you get a staircase? Why'd you get a staircase? Like a fucking Mac store and shit. What does that signify?

I don't want to talk about it. You know what I mean? See, I can't believe you entertain it. I don't know. If you have, if you have, if you got a tattoo, what would you get? I've thought about this. I bet. He was supposed to get a tattoo when we hit 10 million downloads.

That was a long time ago. But he was supposed to do it. You ever think of it. Yeah, it sucks. Fuck, man. I even have it on silent, but it breaks through sometimes. Just let you know.

When the algorithm gets too chat backed up. I was supposed to get a tat. Breaking the sound barrier. And whenever I go, whenever I deposit money into my, do you know what's fucking crazy, man? I was walking around and my pants were falling down. And I was like, what the fuck?

Why do my pants keep falling down? They were. They were actually falling down. I go, what's going on? It's so annoying. I protect my bell and this and that. I fall down to shit. I'm like, all right, I got to do my pockets.

I don't get my phone out. They stopped falling down. And I'm like, well, that doesn't make much sense, right? Because my phone's always been the same way. Dude, I realize my Wells Fargo app was getting heavy. Oh, my God. Isn't that stupid? So stupid.

You're so stupid. I go and make a deposit. My Wells Fargo. Stupid. You're so stupid. My dick would come out because of my Wells Fargo. No. No.

People will be seeing my dick because I make a deposit, it makes sense. Isn't it weird? It's a butterfly effect. Man, that's... It's a butterfly. You have a mountain peak on your throat. It's a butterfly. There you go.

That was the newest one? If I got a tattoo, it would say... You were supposed to get one B? I was. Like eight years ago. I wouldn't get a 10 million views. Eight years ago, you crossed 10 million downloads and you didn't get it. And now you're at 10.5 million downloads.

And I can't believe you still... I can't do it I would get I don't know man I would get I feel like you gotta get something like I don't know something that really matters

Like you can't get Fire than the Kid Probably Karate I owe everything to bruntis You know what you do Honestly On your on your on your rib cage

Or right near it You just go Delea made it twice Twice Yeah Delea made it Twice Or what about a phoenix

Like you're coming out of it You're lucky if you make it once. De Leon made it twice. No, I'm not getting that. He should get a phoenix. Because I'm about, I'm a substantive person, and I'm looking to talk substantively right now. Because my groundbreaking podcast off limits.

Oh, God. All right. I really get to the issues. I wish talking about it was off limits, dude. Your podcast is called off limit. He's tried it for 10 years. So it was the Brian Cowan show. General. That it was this.

I know it's new. It's not general. It's the same thing though, right? It sounds fucking like, what the, what is this? Oh, no, dude. He's off. I'm tired of being in the limits. I want to go, what the fuck is this?

You know what's good about it? That's your next one. And yeah, break the limits. The other good thing is that everyone can find it, right? Because it's not behind a paywall or? Well, half of it, you can find everywhere. And the other half you'd have to go to the mug. Got it.

So half of it's legit off limits. Yes. on half the end up limits. There's a limit to get to it, yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's that. Yeah, I, I, I, I just don't know what I would get as a fucking tattoo. That's okay. I want a tattoo.

Do you? No. I don't have the skin for a tattoo. I just don't know if, I think it's tough for the tattoo on skin because yours is loose, right? No. He's the guys just like, why is it funny? Buh. Bo?

It's like tattooing everybody's elbow. No, no, no. Guys, guys. I have tight. That's just your ball sack. No, I have a... That's your throat. That's his neck.

Move. I think I would get like a fucking pistola. Oh, it tucked in? That's a tough. You got that idea from Shepchenko, dude. Cucked. Is that what he has? You know, two guns like this?

Oh, he has a pistola? Chef Chanko's a female fighter. Honestly, all bullshit aside. Double pistolas, double pistolas, double machetes. Machetes. Okay. Pistolas. Okay.

That's what I would get. And then I would get, I would get you on your, I'd get a real life thing of you on your stomach. I don't think so, dude. Naked and just peeling your peach. No, I don't think so. He's texting during your daddy. I don't think so. I'm actually asking Jesus Christ if that would happen.

Hey, what are you doing? You're taking your break again? Guys, let's take a magic mind break. Okay, let's take a magic mind break. You had this? Give me one, V. What? Try this.

I could use it. My magic mind. In all honesty. tell me how you feel afterwards. Bro, stop saying try magic mind, bro. I love magic mind. I take it all the time. You're dumb, you know I do.

He takes it all the time. All the time, dude. Double pistolas! Oh, that's on somebody's ass crack, though. Oh, fuck. I don't want that. I want it on my... Double shoot here.

Go to Chefchenko's. This is what Brian wants. Chefchenko's tent. I want them on my obliques. Hold on. I got heavy obliques, though. It's hard. Jesus.

Do you? Yeah, I do. I really do. from like from a lot of torque sports that I do there's chef chencos that's not him is it uh that's not her she has it if you if you go to UFC thing oh valentia bob I keep thinking you're thinking of uh Lomanchenco she's hot

see she's see her gun what a badass she is you ever seen me badass you ever seen me I thought the tattoo was more down their side I did too I did too actually yeah I don't like it anymore there might be another tattoo no no no no that's definitely she don't have a lot she don't have too. That is your vibe. It's my vibe. I think she's hot. I like your vibe.

She's got two guns on the size. That's pretty cool. I would 100% date her. 100%. She's, she's, I think she's... You have to fight John Jones. Oh, is that... Really? What? Uh-oh.

Huh? Oh, we leaking the romance? Who knew? Hey, dude, you'd have quit taxing? Okay, yeah, Jesus said you would never do it. I knew it. Are you religious? Yeah, but a different kind of religion. Yeah.

What were talking? I go to these places where you have to wear that mask with the beak nose and you go in. I don't think that's... Really religious. What do you guys do there, though? A lot of people are just kind of like, oh. Oh, my name. Ami, my name.

Jill, no, la, la, la. Are they stewing a brew? Is there a pot? I don't really know, but a lot of people are in, like, the, like, really cool, like black tape stuff. Oh, dude, you're in a druid ceremony. And then a lot of people are bent over. But it's, it's a, it's a. cool things like me people you meet a lot of people there dude that's a that's a satanic

nomle oh yel mary are yours nor i i i am that kind of is good and people are standing up on balconies and shit are they worshipping molloc do you ever hear mollok i have no idea but do you see presidents there oh god a lot of old people oh white yeah Biden white white guys no that's not it that's a what would you call what are they called isn't it called the skulls don't they do that I can't talk about it. Yeah, you're not allowed to talk about. The Druids. That's what it is.

His thing is... Oh, the Skull and bones society. Cull and bones society. Plebion. No, I'm not. Mollock. I don't know what. Oh, shit, it broke through, dude.

Yeah, I know, dude. It sucks. It's unsilent. It's not on silent. Does that mean one person by your special? No. That would be so annoying if I put that on. Or sad.

No, because it would, no, because it would go, so you're making some money. I don't talk about it. Ask me. Are you making money on your special? It's doing fine. Yeah, sure. Moving on.

Yeah. That's how you'd handle that in a major interview? Yes, yes. Yeah. I'd rather be talking about important things like Gaza or something. You guys, yeah, my special is doing it. Okay. Let's talk about...

I don't know if even if you made a billion dollars on your special, I don't believe you would do anything other than go from your home to that. You may never leave your house. You would just stay in your house and then you would occasionally go to get coffee. Do it. Oh, you mean to turn into Howard Stair? Yeah, I don't think he would... His hair would be constantly matted in the back because it would be pressed on the couch.

It would just... You'd have dreadlocks? Yeah, he'd be an eccentric bill. or his nails were too long. Why do dreadlocks? And then you just look at Kristen and his wife and just be like, ah, she's rich, but, uh, he's just a mosque. I don't know, dude. I just fucking, you know, whatever. It's like, I'm, I'm all good, man. Everything's fine. Yeah?

Yeah, and that interesting? Yeah, but you don't go, so you do never go in the sun? I'm trying to live a long time. But the sun's good. I go out and I get a minute of sun every morning. You know, he used to tear his asshole. Yeah, well, no, I've done it before, yeah. Yeah.

You ever done it? No. Oh, it feels good as shit. The benefits are supposed to be pretty good at you. Yeah. It feels really good. That trend went, that trend was like there and you were kind of on the vibe. It just is just one of the things that got into the kind of lexicon for a bit there.

You're supposed to son your balls. No, it's not your ass. Your ass is real sensitive. You bend over and you put your butt. When we go, when I go to my church and they have the dick noses, we go out there. A lot of times it's at night, right? We have midnight masks. Yeah.

But we go and. This is not. the, if we stay there and get super fucking lit, and then in the morning we'll wake up and a lot of people are naked and we show our buttholes to each other. Is that we talking about? No. I am. Nymnum lift.

Neal a eyes. You know, la la la la la. I love that religious movie eyes wide shut. I don't. It's not a real. I don't know if it's religious. It's about my church.

Yeah. I remember. Ding. Ding, ding, ding. You know the... I remember seeing that. I'm not done. Oops.

You know the, um, hymn. Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, the bell. Ding, ding. Yeah. Ding, ding. It's a piano, dude. The hymn in the eyes wide shut, the movie about my church.

Yeah. Now you can go. I was saying when I saw that movie. Yep. And I saw that those women in those masks. I thought to myself, well, what would I have to do to get to a point where I get invited to those parties? And I think everybody was like, well, there's fun. And then there's fucking fun.

Yeah. Is that Scientology? I don't think so. I don't know what it is. If you're Tom Cruise. Yeah. You tell me you want to do Scientology if they're like, hey, listen. Well, there are.

We're going to make you the next joker. You should have to jump on our train. I'm like, all right. What is, what do you have to do? There are parties. Just represent. No, no, no. There is a, there is a, there is a, there is a, there is 100% an underground where there are parties where the hottest people on the planet are curated.

And everybody goes to a house and has sex. We should, should we feel sad? We've never been invited. I don't think so because I don't want to go there. That was my house when I was 32. It, it's fun and sad. I understand. I'm saying.

that there are... You didn't invite us either. I didn't know you guys. You guys were fucking cucks back to do it. Hey, I was older. Don't fucking... Yeah, I know. I know. There are parties where it's like the... Mr. Off limits here.

They're awful. Off limits. There are off limits. They play my podcast. And then everybody... Dude, you should out your promo for your image for off limits should be this. Yeah. Bring up my...

Bring up the image of my off limits. This is going to blow your mind. This is awesome. just type in off limits with that. Of course it's not. Just type in off limits right. He's not going to promote it. It'll pop up immediately. This is, this is. Off limits.

Watch how powerful this is. And tell me who you, who it reminds you. Oh, just type in off limits the show and see what pops up. My name is. You don't know how to spell your name, dude. He thought it was Briat this whole time. It is. Oh, dude, get the camera closer. No, not that.

Get the camera closer. Get the one. Let me just go to images to see if it pops. Yeah, see what off limits are there. There is. There is. A nice picture. Hey, hey, call.

Hey, Callan. Oh. I didn't expect it to be that good. I didn't expect it to be handsome like that. I mean, it's good. It's all right. I like, no, no. Dude, don't take it away from you, man.

This photo. Yeah. It's great. Okay, thanks. But also, are we at your funeral? True. That's a picture you would post at a funeral. No, that's Steve Jobs right there.

new stuff. Oh, no, you don't have a journal, that's what we'd have. Dude, dude. You had a funeral. That's what we'd have. Dude, dude, dude, you had, it's floating. Yeah. You're magical. Dude. Don't take this. No, dude, don't be modest. This picture is, thank you. If I'm looking at it. Yeah. It's symmetry at its finest. You know, I appreciate it. And I don't know, no, no, no. No, don't get bathful. Thank you. It's a fantastic portrait. trip. Thank you. It's good. I just took it. No, I'm not going to allow you to do that, dude. I just literally just said, the guy goes, can I take a picture?

And I was like, I was like, and I was like, what? I go, what? And he goes, you can't take it? And I went. You worked out for hours, obviously, right? I didn't. I literally. He lit it like crazy? I had literally just. Famous photographer, I assumed. I had my workout. And then I trained. And you showered and you got ready. Yeah, I had my work out. I trained martial arts. And then I had some seared elk. And I think half a year. But you once I hired so many people to get your hair like

No, I just had half. No, I had half a yam. You went through the process. I really did it. Come on, dude. How many hours of makeup? Come on. I don't even think I took a shower.

You know what? The best part about it is, too, yeah. It must have taken a week or two. Right. To run it through graphics. Because I've never quite seen a Photoshop job. I mean, just with the thing at the bottom.

Because I wanted to put the mug there. right? Well, it looks like there's a light behind it. It does off limits. It's not just static letters, is it? At first glance, it might be. But then you look at it and you see there's a kind of a soft effect, almost opaque in the back. Yeah, you see how it's like radiating? So it's like

almost like the burning bush. Where do you get knowledge from? Yeah, yeah, I know. That's what people do. At first you see it and you're like, oh, it's okay. But then you notice the back and you're just like, well, you can keep one. You can keep watching.

See, what you're trying to do is. You're trying to get perspective. You don't see? Yeah. Yeah. So it changes from the different angles. That was built in. That part was built in.

That part was built in. When you see it, you're just like regular font. I could get that online. Yeah. But then when you take kind of a... Oh, my God. You're like... From there, yeah.

From there. From there, from there it's different. It's so stupid. Oh, shit. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And, you know, I'll admit that that part was put in there. That part was put in there. Okay, all right. But the picture itself when I took it was literally just hit me straight on. Here I am. And take what, this is what I got. Yeah. Boom.

Right. All package. Sometimes magic happens. First take, too, I assume. Yeah. What? Yeah. Wow.

Wow. Sometimes the first take is the greatest. So, you know, from that song. And that's what I was thinking the whole time that I did that. So you've got, so because I want to. No, it is magical. And then see, why is he all gray in that picture? And the one, you're talking about the other ones.

Because this one, yeah. Amazing. That one I'm like, holy shit, that's my boy. I see what you're saying. I'll claim that. It looks like a funeral shot. I can't believe they shot. And then that one there?

That's because of lighting. That one there? That one there? Yeah. Lighting. That one there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate it.

No, that one there makes me sad. No, that one there makes me sad. Because I look at that I go, we don't have a lot of time. No, because of the. No, it's not true. It's because of the, I look at, what the fuck am I going to do? No, it's the fluorescent lighting. And I go, okay.

No, it's the fluorescent lighting. Hey. So hold on. All right. Hey, you're in the batters box. I got it. So you have to, so you, so how new is off limits? Fucking new.

Spank, brand spanking. October 10th. Let's take another break, B. I'm being Chicago, December 8th and 9th, and you will be in North Carolina, dude. This weekend. Come get some. This Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Tickets are going fast.

And then I got Calgary. Calgary, I'll be in Calgary, Alberta. Yuck, Yuck, November 16, 17, and 18. Great club. Been a long time since I've been there, can't wait. Then I got helium, December 7, 8, and 9. In Indianapolis. Now listen.

Ryan Callan.com. Listen, dude, the world is crazy right now. With everything going on, inflation, war, the economy right now could be the best time ever to diversify your money and savings with precious metals like gold or silver. Did you know that? Well, gold is a constant. So is silver, right? And you can speculate with your money and a lot of people lose their money.

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Oh, you just started. Yeah. That's great. Well, great. Taking the podcast world by storm. That's what the world is. I always said, you know I say? You know I say?

There's not enough. There's not enough podcast. There's not enough podcast. There's not enough podcast. Yeah. Not enough good podcasts. Yeah. You need, hey.

I need information. Yeah. Because people know me for information, not comedy. Because I go, Brian Callan, Jordan Peterson. You kidding me? Yep. Brian Callan.

Well, when you listen to Brian Callan, you'll get a lot of what Jordan Peterson said secondhand. And that's... And you know what? But I like that. But I like... You regurgitate his stuff. Yeah.

Which makes it... I'm going to do that anyways. Yeah. So I might as well list somebody do that. Well, well... Well, you got... Oh, fuck again. I go like this.

I click it on. I go, ding. I click it off. That's what happens. I know. It's fine. Do or die. The podcast, do it...

What I mean, your special... No, grow or die. Do or die. Do or die. Do or die. What are my fucking bone thugs in harmony? Yeah. Same thing.

So good, good stuff. Thank you. I will say this. I had dinner with Peter Thiel, who is the guy who created PayPal and stuff. And you know what I realized after that dinner? He came on afterwards. But do you want to know why I got depressed after I had dinner with Peter Thiel? Is I realized that everything I say is pretty much what I've read or heard.

And that guy comes up with original. And that guy right there, his face right there was his face. during your dinner listening to you. Oh, oh. Just a glass. Yeah, he would just go, oh. Oh, yes. Kind of, yeah.

That's actually kind of true. Yeah. I spoke to it. But whose information is it? I spoke too much. Whose information is not regurgitated by smarter minds? Some people are just good at coming up with thoughts, the ideas and concepts you've never heard of.

And then there are people who, no, no. No. And then there are people, hey, you left your sword just lying around. That's why it's dangerous. Don't trip and fall. Don't trip and fall Dude If there's a

What character In all Oh no Sway Dyes by that stupid What character in In movie history Would you have wanted to play

Uh Greg Kinnear in as good as it gets Fucking really Or Greg Kinnear in the one where he's attached to Matt Damon Oh stuck on Stuck on you You love great Kinier

He is awesome. So out of all the actors. Or Greg Kinney are on I think he's in the gift and also Talk Soup. He was good on that. Fucking weirdo. No, he's great on stuck on. I like him. I like Greg.

No, he is cool. Yeah. What was your question? What's the movie? What character would you have liked to have played and do you think you could have done better? Hmm. Probably Tom Cruise and his right shut. Ding, ding.

Are you kidding me? Dude, my acting would be so good. We're the dick-knows, Matthew. You'd be able to see my emotions. We've done this before. Let's do a scene from Eyes Wide Shut where you realize that I, as your wife, enjoyed that sex.

Enjoyed it. And might want to go back. A full transparency, you've never seen the movie? Never heard of it. Oh, bro, it's so good. Baba, you got to see it. How old is it?

You should see it. Hold on. How old? No, it's like 20. Yeah, almost. You're right. It's right. It's, it's, it's,

wild is it about is about a secret sex club not really it's weird man it's it's it might have it might have missed it's so good yeah it's pretty wild well it's Stanley Kubrick who's by oh he's great counts the greatest filmmaker fucking shining full metal director can't really play it right because you're getting demonetized yeah you know you new to you do hmm no i know you know i know i'm just gonna do it it would have funny if the ding ding ding ding, you know. All right, Chin, what do you got?

All right. What? What were you going to do? What? I was just going to have you play Tom Cruise. Go ahead. Where you realize, I'm going to say, I enjoyed it, and I want to go back,

and then I want to see your reaction. This is after the sex scene? Yeah, and I want to see her, and I want you to say, and the only line you have is this, oh, that's all you can say. Okay. All right, ready?

And, okay. I have a confession. I enjoy. right last night and if I'm 100% honest I I kind of want to go back come on man

music would come back ding ding ding ding ding ding ding sing keep doing music ding ding ding ding ding it's good it's really good It's really good

It took a long time to do Johnny one take dude Yeah took a long time to get Do either you have to do auditions anymore do you ever get oh what what projects shitty question

it's a shitty question hey let's get to your mustache I was just trying let's get to your mustache hawk eye dude well you did get run over by a snowplow machine it's open

yeah manor dude that dude's fucking awesome I love that manor man dude is awesome you're growing a mustache what are you going to do with that mustache getting very thick Much prediction, you want this. Big twirl. Yes.

You want that. Beach up. I think it would look good on you. Is that for November? Is that for November? Sure is. There you guys. Well, I think you'd look good with the strong man mustache from, bring up strong man.

I don't know if I can grow at all. Why not? It's tough. You got to wait. But how do you do it? I think you keep going. They get so long. You put wax on it.

There you go. There you. Oh, that's me. That's you. 100 percent. That should be you. 100% Anybody who has that mustache

this day and age is a complete utter asshole it's just there's nothing you know you're a completely utter and Taylor Luwan might have that

utter asshole yeah but sometimes we're gonna be where are you though where are you well but it could be just a style where were we at Lowe's oh hi I see you at Lowe's

and you just have that you know what you won't talk shit to that guy It goes well I won't but I won't respect him either because you piece of shit No it goes with a certain look Now Taylor

Well, that's just a manly mustache. Yeah, that's a great mustache. Yeah, it's a very mechanic mustache. He looks great with a mustache. Yeah, his is legit. Is that what you want? Because you're not growing up. I can't grow that.

Why not? I could either, though. I don't have that. You might, you could have a mustache. 100%, but I look like I should be. But I look like I'm cutting sandwiches in a deli. It's not, it's not romantic. Got it.

I've worn a mustache before. It's like, it's awful. You know what the, you know. I'll do it. You can do it. You can do it. Oh, hey, dude. Oh, thanks, guys.

Nah, dude, I mean it. You know who's first team, especially in a picture like that that we were looking at? Oh, that beautiful. At first I see it and I'd be like, I don't know. But then when I... You know what I mean? Thank you, man. You know his first team all mustache is Saddam Hussein?

Bad guy. Great mustache. Can you bring up his mustache? Those Middle Easterners, it's just so thick. Yeah, that's great. It's great for men. It's great for them. Oh, so you got a bit gray in your mustache.

It was all gray. Oh, really? Yeah. All gray. That's all gray. That's why I died. That's a Stalin mustache, basically. Stalin's the one.

You know what? I could do that. Whatever happened to him. Chris, he got hung. He still, yeah. He was hung and he talked shit, even when he's being hung. Oh, I know. Yeah, he did.

Did he? Yeah, what he said? He said, you're all sheep. No, they were putting a, they were putting a thing on it. So you're not men. And he said, you're not men. They were like, you die. They were cursing him.

And he said, you're not men. He said, anyone drives a Tesla's a cuck. It's crazy. You're talking about 90. Yeah, before Tesla's came out. He knew about Tesla. Yeah, dude. He said, you're not men.

Yeah, you're not men. It was actually 2003, 2004. Was it that? Yeah. But yeah, yeah. After 9-11. That's why we went into Iraq. Yeah, I remember because I was in.

It was 2003. Bring that up, Chin. When did Saddam Hussein died? 0-3 or 0-4? It definitely was 2000s because I was in my, I remember, I was in my apartment. Oh, 2006. Holy shit. It was like, 2006.

He was captured in 2000. I just graduated college. I wasn't even aware. Yeah. I was just a young buck, dude. I didn't care. Okay. The store's,

story's not about you. It's about Saddam Hussein, dude. Bring up Stalin. You want to see a mustache, the worst human being maybe ever. And Saddam Hussein had a library on Stalin. His hero was Stalin. But then he fucked him over, right? Now, that's a fucking mustache. And hair. What are happening? He is a man. Chris, he died of a heart attack at his desk after killing probably 40 million people.

Please be respectful. Oh, okay. Yeah. now that guy's mustache on the end over there that top right is that Stalin when he was young does that's groucho Stalin had yeah that guy wow I can't do that that's just not in the cards that's okay that's a rough looking dude that's thing about the poor woman who had to kiss that fucking guy uh poor women yeah just like this god look at the mustache is on the cruel the cruelty

do you hang ornaments on it though yeah he was a horrible man It's crazy. These pictures are so, like, it would have been really cool if they had, like, high-deaf. Like, you ever see those, like, grainy videos when video first started when they were recording stuff? And then they colorize it. You're talking about World War II? Have you seen it? All the footage from World War II, they put in color?

Yeah. I think it's called World War II in color. You can see Jerusalem in 18, like. Yeah, it's, like, crazy to see that shit. Yeah, I saw footage from 1100. that they colorized and it was wild Steve Harvey was there

running from like a fucking big foot thing Trisop Tereris Whoa That's a trisoptereris Tres Wow It's a triceratops

Took a page out of my book Welcome Welcome the club And you don't have CT I don't No he was making a joke I forget names all the time But not triceratops

You knew that you were making a joke Yeah I know he wasn't His brain literally I'm an amateur paleontologist I know everything about... Really? Yeah, I know everything about...

You can ask me anything about dinosaurs. I can tell you everything. Okay, well, how many bones on the outside... How many protruding bones? We don't know what I'm going to say. Stegosaurus. Stegosaurus. I know what I'm going to stay.

Stegosaurus. That's 36 bones. I don't know if that's true. You have to look it up. Well, no. You're... But you've stopped the mustache here, and I need you to grow it here. Keep going?

I don't know why you have to stop. Because that becomes handled... Do you think... Does it have a wave? Waves of sadness. You don't feel waves. Like the ocean? No, no, no, no.

I'm just talking about everything's fine. You're with people you love. And all of a sudden, a wave of sadness hits you. You know what? Brian felt it on Sunday. No hope. Do you ever feel that? Yes.

And Brian reaches out to me. That's called depression. And everything's fine. You got a beautiful life. You wouldn't ask for anything more. And all of us. sudden. Dread. Hit you like a ton of bricks.

Hey, dread. Where the fuck did you show up? Yep. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey, Dred. I'm with my kids right now. Take a back seat. Oh, you won't? Yeah. I'll wait it out. Yep. Now. Does that happen to you a lot?

Now, he sure does. A few times a day. Yeah. Dread. Every day? Dread's an interesting thing. Yes. No. Yes. Every day. my tears of a clown every day Christopher yeah so dread is interesting talking my judge dread a lot of people get the case of the judge dreads i am the law yeah a lot of people get a case of the judge dreads but

the question is how do you get out of them so one idea is oh no clouds are there sun's always there but the clouds there wait till they pass. Yes. Two is practice what? Don't jump it off a cliff. Don't give all the content from off limits on this part. You're right. You're right.

And a lot of this is off limits unless you pay for it. Yeah, yeah. So don't give it away for free. Just give them a taste. Give them a taste. What do you do when you get a case of the old You work out. That's why he's working out so much. It hit me yesterday. And you know how I know you're depressed? You're jacked. That's funny. Yeah. No, I did. I actually was

I felt it yesterday. I was driving and I was like, okay, I don't want to go to the gym because I feel sad. I'm going to go to the gym and it's going to help. And I did and it did. Your pot, you're special. That's what they're special. Especially the best thing you've ever done by far. Oh, thanks.

And I don't think you could have ever written that without going through. No way. Everything. No way. No way. You had to grow up. Yeah. No way.

I often was like thinking about how do I? Because like, dude, I know that the, I always want to have a good time and be silly. That was by design, dude. I just, I didn't like seriousness. I talked about my special. I didn't want to feel. I just wanted to be funny. And it was a defense mechanism and it was also relief from what I didn't want to be thinking about.

And then all this shit happened. And then I was like, okay, I needed to change my comedy at some point. This is the catalyst to that. Forced you to. And so, yeah. But you would have to do it no matter what. You would have to. You would have to.

Yeah, you can't be, I can't be a 60-year-old comedian talking about like, you know, the shit I was talking about. And, you know. But, um, but now. it's different. And because I, yeah, I, I let it, I let it change me. Let's what I say, you can either grow or die. You could either grow or. Oh, hence the title.

That's 100% true. Yeah. But do you think that you started out as somebody on the spectrum in terms of, not, not a weird way, I just mean like, you always resonated at a different tempo. Yeah, spectrums to, the spectrums to, the spectrums to. Yeah, no, no, but, but, but, but you, you definitely, you definitely from the get-go, I think were different than, say, your brother. your dad, your mom.

Part of that comes from being a comic on the outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But even amongst comics, this is different. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Routine. Actually, very disciplined. Yeah. Super disciplined, but also silly 24-7.

You're only interested in that. I can't keep up. I can't keep up. It's tough, it's tough, though, like. We're all just shut down. It's tough, though, like, because, like, you know, you got to balance it out, you know? Like, I do a lot of therapy and shit, and it's just like, it's so hard, man. Like, I don't want to.

do it. Like that's why, you know, you're talking about these people, like, especially in LA, they're like, don't you just love going to therapy? And you're like, what do you talk about? Yeah. Right. I leave crying. Yeah.

It shouldn't be a good time. Like, dude, but people are like, I love therapy. I don't get it. It's like, dude. They got a cushy life then. Yeah. Because, yeah, shit. Yeah.

It's not fun. But you have to go through that to get to where you. But then B, how do you think it changed you going through all this bullshit? You've got more. To be honest with it? Yeah. At first, when you first came back. like the light was

and I was out I co-signed it and you know I ride with you the light was out and I literally I called you like what are we going to do dude like you don't want to be silly with me anymore like what are we going to do and even it it did my light going through it because we all went through it so it didn't even my light

your light when you first came back I was like oh we're done well you want to because we're done it's quite frankly it'd be like being a singer and your voice is shot I was like what are we going to do but it's because you want to die It's because you want to die. Yes.

The only time I've wanted to die. Yeah. And, you know. And I'm not, I'm such a positive person. Yeah. I know. You're not, you know, and nobody wants to hear that. I get it.

But you do. You want to die. Yeah. And, and, um, and it's hard. It's hard to, hard to tell the line. Yeah. But I think that, I think the value. So what you do.

You watched a lot of my comedy, right? I watched. I watched your comment on a loop. What I, what I, what I wanted to do was I, I realized that this was that this was, you go through. a lot of loss, right? You lose things that won't come back. Friends. Everything, everything. Everything. You lose everything. Hair. Body mass. Yeah, everything. For real. You lose everything.

Flexibility. And what I wanted to do, though, was I was like, okay, I'm in chaos. I'm in the middle of the ocean without a fucking paddle. I don't know how to get back. I didn't know what to do. I had one person battling with you. 100%. But you're still alone in this. That's it. You're still alone in this. You're still alone. You're still in this you're still alone. You're still in this boat. And you have to find a way, because I have

children. And I, so there are people in my life that were way more important than I was. I didn't really care about myself. Like, like, put me in a fucking van. I'll live, you know, on a, I don't, anywhere. You're dressed the same way in the room of van. Yeah. I don't need a lot. It's not me I'm worried about.

I'm tough. Yeah. I'm tough. But I, I said to myself, I said, I'm going to try to suffer well. What I'm going to try to do is see how well I can suffer. And I don't want anyone in my family or anybody to know how bad it is. And so I just, I just fucking said, I'm going to. never miss a workout. I'm going to write comedy every single day and I'm going to keep assuming.

It's tough to write comedy then, especially when you're in that state of mind. I remember that. It's almost impossible for me too. Yeah. Almost impossible to find the silliness. Yeah. When you're dealing with that. So much of my comedy came from. So much of my comedy came from joy and being part of a community and loving people. I love you. I love, I was always naive. Rogan always said you want to be liked by everybody and you think everybody's great. And there was an innocent thing. I did too. There was an innocent. And it was gone. It's all gone. Now you're a serial killer.

But no, because the battle is to not allow it to make you bitter. The battle is to not allow it to take your light away, your comedy away, your optimism away. And that's why you need perspective and you need to realize everybody, everyone who is going for something goes through chaos. Everyone in life goes through. Maybe not, but some people go through cancer. Different. It's all different. Everyone experiences shit differently, you know.

Yeah. And so me, I was like, what I was like, what I. realized that I'm I'm fucking like I realize I'm way tougher than I thought I was yeah I agree and and uh you know my father who my father who I always looked up to is tough said he said hey come here I want to talk to you I said what's going on I was I hate that shit I hate that hey come talk to me I was like oh I don't like this maybe he's dying I don't know what the fuck he's gonna tell me so I got this feeling of dread and we were walking and he said uh you know my your sister and I were talking about how how well, how you protected all of us from what you were going through.

How you seemed like you were totally fine. Like when you come to dinner, and you just suffered through this where we knew you were going through. You lost everything, but you kept writing and kept doing this thing. And he said, and my sister said, No, my sister said, did, did, has anybody told him that? My father said, I don't think so.

So my father said, I couldn't have done that. I couldn't have gone. I couldn't have done what you did. So at least I was able to show myself and the people I care of. about. I think the biggest learned thing just for me on the outside looking in what you guys went through, especially was like, oh, life isn't fair. It's not fair. And you just got to roll with it. It's not going to be fair. Yeah, but who are you when whatever happens to anybody? Like, people go through crazy shit. People go through way worse. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, who are you? Who are you at the end, on the other side of that? Because you could lose everything that doesn't come back. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay. And you're going to make mistakes. The biggest thing is you make mistakes because you're so, you're so afraid and you're desperate. I knew you weren't going to give, I knew neither when you were going to give up. And with you, like, we drunk around and I can't fight and you know, all that stuff, but I knew you're a fighter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not, the

fighter and the fighter. You're not just the kid after all. Hey, you're not just the kid after all. My skin, my skin stayed tight, though, and that's what's so amazing. I just want to say to a lot of people. See, that's the thing that got canceled, is your skin? No, there are a lot of, your neck got canceled, right? No, no, no, there are your neck went. I give up. No, no, no, there are a lot of people.

asking Brian, how do you stay so tight? How do you look at the same age as someone who's 40 and 43? And a lot of it is just nutrition. And I'm selling my lifestyle for, for, oh, no. Well, but it's, oh, Brian. For $999. That's for what do you get? But you get a lotion packet called Off Limits.

You get, yep, you get two months of intense. What? Stuff. Weekly. You're making it up now. You're picking it now. Weekly. What?

Guides to like. Guides? Guides. And what do the guides have about it? you one hint, fruits and vegetables. That's, everyone knows that. Go deep on your squats. Yep. That's you didn't know. A one-on-one

guide? Call with Brian. Yep. Once a year. Cold plunges. Once a year, you can call Brian. Saunas. And most importantly, steroid, don't say it. I'm gonna. Stereoid, please.

My Lord and Savior. Oh, no, dude. What? Dude. Jesus Christ. You got to come to my church, dude. I have a mask for you. I don't know, dude. But the nose is cut out. Yeah, but maybe.

No, it's got the nose, but the... Why does this have no backside? Why am I wearing chaps? But yours have balls under the nose. Me and flubes. So you're constantly just sucking nuts. What is this mass a glory hole? Why am I wearing sucking nuts?

So you constantly got balls in your mouth, dude, because you're sucking nuts, dude. That's you, man, Mr. Nut Sucker, bro. All right. No. No. No, I wouldn't be not. I wouldn't be suck. As God is my witness, you're a nut sucker. What was the last thing he said?

He said he loved you. That doesn't sound like my husband. Did he say you're a nut sucker? You and I both know. He said you're a nut sucker. Eulogy, as I'm delivering it and after I'm done with it, it was a great guy. Not a lot of substance, but very funny. And never said anything I learned.

I didn't learn anything from him, but he was like, a good guy and then Kristen's crying and you just, from the grave, you just see this, there, there, we're going to get through this together. We're going to get through this together. And then Calvin reached out and I go, Daddy's here. No, oh. What about Billy?

My other son. He's holding him. I'm not as attached to Billy. Oh, dude. No, you do that and I go like this. I pop out the thing. Rar! And you're coming with me! And then you go, ooh! And you look at me and you slide down the sword and I go, ooh! And you go, ooh! And you go, and you're sliding down

and you cough up a little bit of blood that goes on me and it go and it's in my eyes and shit and you're ooh, ooh, ooh, and you're down here and you're right there and I just go Oh god What are you doing? He's jacking you, bro.

But I don't have a heart on or you will You don't die And they're covering children's Oh, oh, oh, oh. My shitter? So disgusting. Here lies both of them.

I don't want to be buried with you. God damn it, I don't want that at all. Okay. Just our whole family just... He's going to pull his fingers. Everyone's like, you want to pull his fingers out? Now, leave him there.

That's unholy. All right, who wants to put that beak? The guy... Put the beak mask on. Should we burn them together? The priest, the priest with the finger just, Okay. John,

John, give me a alcohol swab. John, you got any Purell? He goes, all right. Yeah, and then he's... Fingers out. Nebel loves, nail, the a, yeah, close to the thing. Look, Purell, yeah, it is what it is. That's Rogan.

He hasn't even touched anything in Rogan. He wouldn't be there. Who would be at your funeral? Who would be at my funeral? The question of Chris, would you sell merch at Bride's funeral? Oh, bro. Kill it. Really? Life rips even in death.

Dude, death rips. Would you get at my children? That's a shirt. Death rips. I'll tell you right now. I'll tell you right now. Because you'll probably die before me. I'm going before anyone here.

I am selling merch at your funeral. You have my full. except they'll do it. Off limits. It's still going. Archive this shit and learn. Is that what you're going to say? Off limits! I'm going to have my square thing where you can take the credit cards. Yep. Just people,

I'm going to hire. I'll pay $200 for the past. How my brother do it? Because I need the gate because I get your shirts here. Just fucking. And what was what you want? I'll get the death rips one with Brian's silhouette. That's a great picture. Yeah, he took it. You know, it took them one time. He took the picture. And you go his signature right there if you want

a tip. And then that's great. So thank you. Through tears. Thank you so much. So stupid. I want both of them. Can I get a deal? What guy won't both of them?

Oops. I want both of them. Can I get a deal? Sorry, we're not giving out deals now. But here you go. If you want a tip, you can do it?

And my son, like, can I get a shirt? And you're like, ran out. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's good too. But I wanted to do my bit. And then you ruined both of them

by doing the thing when you jumped on mine and wanted to do yours. That's a good bit because my son is. I understand. He's close to you. and oh, you ran out of your size, bud. We don't have extra small. Yeah.

And if my son does this, I will avenge him. That's his origin story? That's your son's origin story. I will avenge him. The long, skinny pale one. Yeah. The crow, the man crow. Yeah.

Dishonnered my father. So you think that I'll... He goes and trains. Yeah, montage. So you think that he'll say, Hey, do you have it? And I say, sorry, bud. No disc, disc,

counts and he'll go like this. Do you think he goes like this? Like that? You think that he I think that's a little on the nose? It's a funeral. Because I don't know, because that's what a villain. That's what a villain does. So my son's a hero. Well, he'd be a bad guy though. So what's the difference in a villain and a hero in a movie? Everybody? So you go like, nope. See, good, good guess. You say, to my son, this is what you say. You go like this. You go. So the kid goes, can I, can I, is there a shirt for me? Yeah. And you go. Oh. Oh, I don't have a shirt, but I'll tell you what I do have. Right.

Something to remember, me by. And you just, you just, you give him this right. Oh, a switchblade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right. Like that. Yeah, have a good day. And he stays for some reason, but yeah.

Yeah. Look me up sometimes. And he's just like this. Yeah. And then, hey, kid. Hey, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And hey kid.

Hard candy. Right? It hits my, yeah, that, yeah. It hit your body? My son. So now my son has a choice To be a villain or a hero Here's the choice he makes

Because my son's a hero A villain says He hurt me The world hurt me So now I'm gonna Go up to hurt the world Right But my son who's a hero says

I'm going to learn How to become a warrior And I'm going to make sure That the world never hurts anyone The way it hurt me That's Batman That's what a hero does League of shadows.

And he goes, and he sees the blood. That's League of shadows. Yeah, and that's what, fucking phone, man. That's Batman, dude.

Yep. And then he sees you and he walks by you because you're complicit, you fucking asshole. He's my friend. Oh, I'm in on it too?

And he goes like this. He goes, your neck. His little hand just hits the side of your face. The small skinny hand. And goes like that and he walks away,

yep. And you're just like, but it's not like a manly sap. It's like a, whatever it is. You guys go. There's sugar in that slap, right?

Maybe, but it doesn't matter because because he goes because huge guy is go a kid but there's something about the way that kid walks away he's got that call in determination

and you're like and you hear the kid you hear my son do this you just hear him go no no he doesn't part he goes

no no he doesn't do that no he doesn't pee he goes he goes Hey, how long is this origin story? No, because his origin story is this. Okay, what does he do?

He goes, to himself, he goes, that shit was all of limits, yo. That's stupid, dude. No, I like it, man. Not bad. Not bad. Complete 360. Hey, stop checking your phone. It's time, right?

What do you have to do, though? I got to do another Zoom interview. Okay. With who? Are we doing current events or no? Okay. Guys, if you want, you want to see, you want a current event this weekend in Raleigh, North Carolina, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, I'm at Good Nights.

And then I'm in Calgary. I'm in Calgary at Yuck Yucks the following weekend. Can't stop, won't stop. It's going to be warm there. I know, Brett Forteis with you on Thursday, I think. I know. That Forteis going to be there. Good nights, yuck, yucks.

But are we going to do current events? Do we need to? How long have we been going? It's up to you guys. You guys want to do one. Let's do one for sure because our boy jelly roll. It's a huge. day for him today. Oh, he lost weight.

Oh, my God. What do you do? No. So the biggest award ceremony in the world for country music is today, the CMAs, and Jelly Rolls nominated for five awards, which is the second to the top. So there's only one person above in Lainey Wilson. And he's performing, right? Yeah, he's performing.

One person more who's nominated for more? Six. Yeah, six. Yeah, so every other country artist, Jelly is like second. He's amazing. We were the first podcast he's ever been on. Yeah. He's our boy. Yeah. That's my brother from very thick. You were the one who, again, Jelly's been my boy forever. People don't give Brennan credit for

how many people he found. He stopped a million people, yeah, of course. You might think about it. Yeah. You really have. Remember Mark Norland? We were talking about Andrew Schultz, all those guys. Shane Gillis. They're all stupid, talented. They're all amazing. No, but you saw the talent. Yeah. I'm not saying we made that. But I don't do it because I see talent. I saw it because he's such

a good guy. Yeah. Jelly's the best, yeah. The best. He's crushed. He's so famous now. He's on American Idol. He's on a good morning America. Yeah. He's amazing. His tattoos on his face. He's a fellow.

He's a woman looking at. And he's crushing it. He's fucking talented, though, man. That's amazing. Oh, he's so talented. Yeah. Just the best thing. Shut off.

Sure is talented. God, that's such a general thing. It just got it. Jelly Rolls open for me December, I think, 8th, and 9th in Chicago. Really? It might be a lie. By opening, I mean, he's going to open my Instagram story that shows the show the time of day. Okay, that's cool.

All right, then. I am. in downtown Chicago, December 8th and 9th. And then January coming in hot to keep on truck and tour starts in Nashville on the 25th one night only, then Austin, Texas,

January 26, 27. Where are you going to be in Austin? Fort Myers. Not the mother show. Fort Myers and Orlando. I'm here this weekend. Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland. Just drag it.

Trenton, New Jersey, Philadelphia, Redding, Pennsylvania, and then Oxnard, California. some dates and I'm also setting I have a bunch of dates for next year coming up. Get ready guys and go stream my podcast, my special grow or die. It's a great special. Oxor, California. We'll have the three of us jump up there. Go for it. Come. 100%. That'd be fun. You want to follow me? Brian, do your, do your 10 minutes. Do your 10 minutes on my show. Hey, you want me to come? You want me to open up though? You want me to open a ball still on? Hey, you came and you did my show.

At the life factory, it was, you were, you were, you were killing. You were killing. Yeah. You were doing really well. I've been doing that since 1995. No, that's not true. You were doing some different shit. You were doing, you were killing.

Yeah. You were doing good. You always kill, but you were. Okay, man. You're forced to be reckoned with, man. Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah.

No, no, no, no, do, do, do, do, do, no. I know, but that, but that picture you took? Yeah. Magical. I get it now. Thank you, man. I appreciate that. That's really nice.

Did you post that picture? I don't know. It should be your thumbnail. Yeah, I think it is. And say from 1940, 2020, 2025. Never mind. All right, you guys. Thank you very much.

Okay, love you guys. And Chris, we love you. Chris, we love you. You're special. Grow or Die, Christelia.com. It's all in the rage. It's in the description. It's in the description.

Love you guys. Sometime in the early 80s, REO Speedwagin's airplane made an announced middle of the night landing. This is my friend Kyle McLaughlin, the star of Twin Peaks. And he's telling me about how he discovered a real-life Twin Peaks in rural North Carolina, not far from where he filmed Blue Velvet. What was on the plane was copious amounts of drugs coming in from South America.

Supposedly, Pablo Escobar went looking for other spots, quiet, out-of-the-way places to bring in his cocaine. My name is Joshua Davis, and I'm an investigative reporter. Kyle and I talk all the time about the strange things we come across. but nothing was quite as strange as what we found in Varnumtown, North Carolina. There's crooked cops, brother against brother, everyone's got a story to tell, but does the truth even exist? Welcome to Varnum Town. Varnum Town is available wherever you listen to podcasts.