The Fighter & The Kid - How "Wu-Tang Clan" Got Jay Mohr Sober | TFATK Ep. 898

Episode Date: May 30, 2023

Jay Mohr joins Bryan Callen and Brendan Schaub to talk ghosts, recovery from addiction, his crazy resume of TV and movie credits including Saturday Night Live, Jerry Maguire, Air and much more. DraftKings - Download the DraftKings app and use promo code FIGHTER   RexMD - https://rexmd.com/FIGHTER   BetterHelp - This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at https://betterhelp.com/FIGHTER and get on your way to being your best self.   House Of Macadamias - For a limited time TFAK listeners get a free box of Namibian Sea Salted Macadamia (worth $35) with their first purchase on houseofmacadamias.com/TFAK + 20% OFF your whole order with TFAK code.  

Hey, before we jump this episode with the great J more great Great J. LaHoya comedy club comedy store comedy store in LaHoya outside San Diego this Friday two shows Friday two shows Saturday one show Sunday your boys were gone the Lord's day So that's the comedy store in LaHoya come get you I know for Sunday Okay, you did get rid of the Thursday's going with Sunday So that's this coming week Friday Saturday Sunday come Come get you some tickets at thickboy.com. We're gonna be be buddy. I'll be at comedy works in Denver.

Um, if with your permission, I'd like to be there June 29th. June 30th. My mom and Nubby need 97. I got, I got him. I got him. Denver, come on out. This episode of Fightin' the Kid with Jay Moore. Listen, man, it's brought to you by a friend that draft king since the NBA finals

is coming close. My Denver Nuggets are in the finals baby and they're gonna play the Celtics or the Heat. I bet it's the Celtics. They're in game seven tonight. So if you list this, bet for my Nuggets with the official Sportsman partner of the NBA new customers can place $5 bet,

score $200 in bonus bets instantly. Plus all customers can take a shot of a bigger payout with draft king stepped up same game parlay's, download draft, draft king sports book app right now, use code fighter, new customers can place a $5 bet and score $200 in bonus bets instantly. That's code fighter bet on my nugs, only at Draftking's sports book. Gaming problem called 1-800-Gamilar and Massachusetts called 800-3-Smooth 750-50, or visit gamblinghelplinema.org. In New York called 8-778-HOPE-NY, or text HOPE-NY-467-369, in Kansas, call 1-800-5-247-100.

On behalf of the Boothill Casino in Resort, Kansas, 21 and over in most edible states, but age varies by jurisdiction. Elejabilly restrictions were applied. See, draftkings.com slash sportsbook for details and stay specific, responsible gambling resources. Bonus bets expire seven days after insurance, opt-in, and 10 plus leg requirements for 100% boost eligibility, wagering, and deposit restrictions apply. Terms at sportsbook.com.draftskings.com slash basketball terms.

Still listing download draft kings, prom code fighter. Go Nuggets. Yes we did, because we back at it again. It's the final weekend. This is really the fighter in the kid. Come on, baby. Oh my god. You're so busy. You said I heard you say you retired somewhere along the line.

What? You today? No, you told me you retired last time and talked. You were like, I'm semi-retired from show business. I thought you were saying tired. Which is a crime. I think pan or pan. But not him.

Tired. Pan. Pan. He doesn't get the wrong thing. He doesn't either. Well, we're not allowed to have a good time. Shut your mouth. Shut your mouth.

You sound stupid, right? I think I was joking Brian when I said that. You know, I never know when you're serious. Maybe just one of those days. Might have been one of those days. Well, I'd like to retire sometimes and do what I want. Like to stop it all.

Yeah, that's a good point. I had a hell of a weekend because I'm shooting this show. Well, do whatever the fuck you want to do. It's what you retire meaning I'm just going to do what I want to do. I don't have to do. That's right. Take it in. Texturize. But I'm having trouble moving because I boxed two I went to two Philly gyms boxing gyms and and one of which was Schoeners gym where Bernard Hopkins and Julian Julian Williams train real boxing gym like not a lot of white desert. No comment but the point is it was so it was amazing well well Percy Custis who owns Sch'er's gym in West Philly. We used to be in Frazier's camp. So you're with these guys and I get in there no warm up and just start hitting myths and all I want to do is Look good because I'm a loser. Now. I'm sure you use the lingo as I thought you were using the

Lillard damn jive and baby some shit. Well, you know what man? You know what? What's up? I'm joking. I can drive turkey. I can crack you know what I mean And you get to ring with me and you can tell my job job turkey Well, you know what man? You know what, what's up, drive a baby? I can drive turkey. I can crack, you know what I mean? And you get to ring with me, and you can tell my jab, drive turkey. They're like, keep over it. I'm not a 70. They're like, yeah, I know the 70.

Yeah, what do you think that right here, drive turkey? No, no, no, no, no, I don't think you can see me. Oh, we fight. Oh, we fight. Oh, we fight. Throw a white seat talking like this. Well, I love how the mom does this. You would know better than this, but those real boxers,

you walk into those gyms and they're so, everybody's humbling quiet. And then if you were to walk in there, like they were talking about how this guy came in there and he wasn't real, he wasn't a boxer, he's more of an MMA guy, but he tries to get in there in one of those gyms where they only do boxing,

with like we're Bernard Hopkins and all this guys come on. And all they'll say is I go, how to go? And he goes, well, you know, guys, well, you know say is I go how to how to go and he goes well you know guys all he goes well you know when it's all straight you got you got you got touched up a little bit you know you got you know they well for because we were told to move around a little bit see how he's doing but he said nice want to get in there and move right away and then he got he got touched you get and he went I said well how long glass he goes he went went home after the second round. I was like, God damn.

It was really cool though. It was really cool. Yeah, I love it. And I ate it, Ralph's, which is the oldest Italian restaurant in Philadelphia. I mean, in the United States, actually. I ate the Ralph's all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, bro.

Did you ever go there when Ralph's? No, I went to the place, do you go to the place of Albracans You're missing a point it's in Philly no there's There's a nice guy think that place it's across the street that tell in last time not to super Bradley Cooper's favorite spot. Yes, but I ate there the last time I was with him I love those guys it's who likes my whatever Bradley died and you're we're we're in Jersey yeah Bradley's my favorite Corona we got J more the great J more the

great the greatest the effortlessly talented all of a sudden for real yeah Turkey you know me the the Braun James of comedy if you will the bros yeah not me Brandon Shaw hybrid up in that moment. You don't mind that. Yeah. You got to touch up a little bit now. So good to see you buddy.

I like how your setup is that one guy's always has his always has his back to the guests. I know it's kind of weird. It's not a good setup. We should be making faces at your time. I'm like, you're on my own. I'm just, yeah. Hey, you put a mirror over your head. We've been knowing each other a long time, Jamour. You're not a bad-looking man, Mr. Gaston. Hey, I do my best.

I do my best. You have on each other's web since 1963, probably. Yeah, when we were hot seconds. We were we lads We were fighting fucking ghost out there man. That's right. That's right. Yeah, Jay and I don't know when we met though I don't know that the Jimmy did the store before that. I don't think so. I'm still not really like a store guy Yeah, didn't you think the store was haunted? I don't know how you said that you were doing a set. I was on ghost adventures. With my boys' act? Yeah.

I love that. And my son rolled up and shit went down like while we were filming. Really? I'm telling you that she was real, you fuck. Oh, it's haunted for real. I remember I was on stage. Louis Anderson used to do Sunday nights there and I used to go. I was doing a spot and we're backstage and I'm like

Reflex you know I was in rehab right what oh no Jay Jay you went through some stuff no secrets. Oh God no secrets cock rigorous And I'm backstage at the comedy store and I look at Louis Anderson. I'm like man this place It's fucking haunted. I don't I never do well it goes no they like you the girls days to go stay like you just telling the guys why so I'm on stage and this you know it's me you talking like I'm not gonna lie to you six minutes not only did I not get a laugh. The first six minutes, there wasn't a sound. This is main room? Yes. Nothing.

What, wait a minute, and I'm looking at the audience and they're like, like a painting. Like, everything was frozen and I feel cold all around my neck. And after like four, five, six minutes, I go, man, get the fuck away from me ghosts and the crowd goes, BAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Brian Callan the singer. Did you ever see Louis Cry on stage? Hey. Do they have butter? I like when he goes low.

I'll tell him. Brian Callan and the German Philo. He did a set and he started weeping on set. It was a beast. Yeah. Louis was great. Guys get to a certain weight that their eyes. No, he was crying was a beast. Yeah, Louis was great guys get to a certain weight that their eyes No, he's like a lot of hard. Yeah, he's crying about his mom. How his mom protected them from his abusive dad

On stage he was a he was a funny bit or they did start out funny Then it turned into a monologue as you say a dramatic Broadway monologue. I've haven't you know sentimentality trumps funny every time Mm-hmm like you do like a pretty good set, you close with something like, and you guys really mean the most to me, they all stand up. Yeah, they love it. Yeah, you just do something. You know, I couldn't feel my legs yesterday. They're already in. But we're already back to the ghost adventures when you did it with Zach.

Where was it at? Not the store. Because he did one on the store. No, was it coming? Oh, you went to the store, what? I got my son, good parent. Well, and we were in the belly room and also just, so damn bang, we all just thought it was like an extra crew guy

like making his way and not, you know, you walk out of a set, you don't realize they're recording and you're just like, hey, no, no. You have two sons. I know how we met, we met on your show. I was a guest, hey, no. No. You have two sons. I know how we met. We met on your show. I was a guest, but it doesn't matter. Which is, it was that show you did a sports show,

but who cares? But they're in married? No, another one. What? What? Yes, I think so. What, what, you have your son, and then you have another son, two sons, yes?

20 year olds at University of Oregon. 20 year old. He's 20. That's crazy, right? Wow. Yeah. And what's he doing at University of Oregon. 20 year old. He's 20. That's crazy, right? Wow. Yeah. And what's he doing at University of Oregon besides, but being an all-American baseball player?

Having talked to him in a long time, Brian. Okay. What's that thing about Louis Anderson? Brian, I was saying. Yeah. You know, as a result of my addiction. I got you. It's called the wreckage of one's path.

Does he know your're sober now though? Do you know, Pops made it through? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, I've been there, I understand. I've been there, I just know that sometimes you don't wanna talk about some things

and let's just move on. How about you said, I've been there. No, you know, he's 20 years old. I have a year, I was like, you have? My 20, yeah, my 20 year old. Yeah, that's funny. You guys look great. I've been there an age. I've been there, man.

I trained a lot today, this week and I, yeah. I had a hard time to go to Tijuana to get fucking Moosecom to rub on your forehead. I think I already wrinkled. That's exactly right. You have a pest. You look great. Do I?

Yes. Yes. Appreciate it. And your gender neutral sweatshirts. Come on, dude. It's green. Bring some of my eyes. Do you get that target? Huh? I got it off Amazon. Got it on a lesbian and a group neutral sweatshirts. Come on, dude. It's green. It brings out my eyes. Did you get that target?

Huh? I got it off Amazon. Got it off of a lesbian and a group. For $14. I was like $14 for a sweatshirt and I got a bunch of them. And you know, they don't wear well. $14? Not wool, yeah.

They're all different guys of beige. Yeah, they're all. I know. I got a bunch of sweaters that way. I have more than one of them. They don't fit right, they cut. It's all about the cut, guys. Yeah. Where's my camera?

Oh, we got cameras. So how do you spend your day? What's going on? I want to have a camera here. Yeah. Yeah. J more. You know, most work related accident. What? Are you acting? I'm in air. You are? Good research. Big movie. Who are you playing? I play Michael Jordan. I do. I play back. I play John Fisher, the head of a thesis. You can tell like when I really, you can tell in my drug addiction got bad because I go from like, you know doing movies with Keanu Reeves and Forest Whitaker and then all of a sudden talking dog movies And I'm not even like a lead dog. I'm a receptionist at Barclayms

We're like helping somebody try something on a chewy baton That looks good Really good though, it's actually really good. Right on you. That's really good though. It's actually really good. I believe you as a dog. That's good. So now, now, and that's, that's one guy go, I was, and I'm arguing with the director.

I'm doing this just all voiceover. And I remember I'm in an argument with the director and he goes, let me tell you something. Take this how you want to take it. I am the Orson Wells of Talking Dog movie. I go, okay. You go ahead, I'm wrong. I have a lot of experience in this genre.

Yeah, it's what I do, man. It wasn't even your blind world, man. It wasn't even experienced. Yeah, it wasn't believable. He wasn't even being a dick. Like he knew like, it's a shit. This is all I do. It's this, this is. I am the Orson Wells. This is gonna work in Dawson. I'm gonna work

Just do it this way trust me. I'm like you got it Why do you ring the door well? Oh, it's all that it's just so many like Sounds like you got a rough weekend. Yeah, so many run on capital hours in the script. Oh Sorry I think you had a rough weekend. Yeah, so many run on capital hours in the script. Oh God. Rrrr, sorry. Oh God, I can't wait to see this movie. Oh, it's been out a long time.

It has, can I rent it? Well, it was a word season. What's it called? I don't know. You know what, I'm gonna wait until the book comes out. But here's a big deal. Here's your question. My agent hooked me up because my billing I know what I'm gonna wait until the book comes out. But here's a big deal. Here it is. My agent hooked me up because my billing

is single card on the main. So it's like Matt Damon. And I have like my old Davis, Chris Tucker, Jamie, like we're all just right there. I'm like, I know what's here for a day. You know what's here for a day, right? Well, you're the guy who's as talented as anybody ever. Good.

This is a fact. I've said this actually on other podcasts. You're as talented as anybody ever. And if you decide to, you can do anything, literally anything. Most people can't do that. And so, but here's my question about addiction. Do you think that's your addiction? Hahaha. Wow.

Hahaha. Oh, they're holding. They're going to allow. I was going to teach you what it means. It was a weird way to get to that point. It was a weird thing. Are you addicted because you hate yourself or are you addicted because you love the sensation. I love to be I.

You do? Yeah. We were just talking about it. It was like trauma. Maybe those things can... I don't think I was born that way, because I always... I always needed more. I've always been insatiable

and I've always felt that absence, like that God-shaped hole, and I've always wondered, what, my first addiction was approval. If you're not approving of me, I'm not sure how to act. So my intervention was actually really fast. It was like eight minutes. Cause the fast, eight minutes in, I just blurred out,

I go just so you guys know I'm going. Cause the fastest way for this approval addict to get a room of people going to going was to agree. Oh wow. It was just complete. Two people talked, I'm good. The rest of you, thanks. Yeah, but also I knew if they read their bottom line letters,

like if you don't go to treatment, I knew I would die a drug addict because I would use Atom because I love to use Atu. What do you mean? Like if I'm at it, you, I go to the snort adderol in my bathroom by myself to show you. Fuck, like that bitch.

She don't know what you, talking about. And you win, I won. I won, I'm high, alone. So you didn't let them read their letters. You said, I'm eight minutes in, you go, okay, I'll go. I was like, ooh. Because you wanted them to kind of be like, thank God.

It's supposed to be pretty, huh? It's pretty humiliating to be at your own intervention. Like you watch the show a couple of times and you're like, oh. Yeah. And then you find out that everyone at your intervention independently tried to piece together an intervention in the past, going back like five years. So I was really the last person to know that my life was a mess. And you know, you got a

lie, you have to tell a drug addict a lie to get them to their intervention. Like you can't out think us. We're always thinking so many moves ahead on the Jesper. So the lie, mine was at my house, the line they told me, well first of all it was at my house. It let you know how much speed I was doing. They had to trick me to get me into my house where my groceries are. Yeah, like how are we gonna get them in there?

I got was out there, fuck. I was way out, far out, man. And so you spent most of your time just driving around, fucking just, just, you know, just making sure everything was all right. Yeah, just scratch off tickets and drive to car washes. And amazing. Yeah, so the lie they told me was,

I was told Skylar Stone, the comedian, that's Tyler. He reached out to me and he told me, the next morning at my house, for the podcast, for my podcast at eight o'clock in the morning, I was gonna interview Wu Tang Clan. Cause I had to make it big. And I was so high, I believed them.

I think about the disconnect. I thought Wu Tang Clan was coming to my house. Scott, it's done as a genius, by the way. At eight o'clock in the morning, I thought the eight blackest men alive were going to come real early and walk into my cracker cracker house so I could interview them to help them with their careers. Oh, this was this was Skylar Stone's. Skylar Stone was emailing me as Rizza.

And I got to find it. What? Yes. And he was purping. And he so they made up. He made up like, this is how you know I'm doing an email address. I love Scott Astone for the record.

And it was like, he's great. And he's like, so the email address was like, shoulens, summer, like something like Wu Tangi. Yeah, enough to your body. And he's, I had Riza,

when I had my radio show, J-More Sports, and I had Rizaza a couple times. And he's literally texting typing on an email, like, yeah, we'll see you Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, Thursday, boing, boing, boing, boing. And I'm just like, man, for Rizza. Genius, you know, you better change.

And how humiliating, like I'm right here. You know, you're like a black guy, you're like, yeah, one love, you know. It's gonna be dope. Yeah, yeah. You just want to like blind CC and other black guy. And that's it. That's it. So I like I worked with him on California. Cation. He's so like he comes from different world. I was like, how many kids you have? I go, how many kids you have? He goes like this. He goes, I think I lived that lifestyle. I was like, and we were talking about how you got to save

your money because yeah, man, I got to save my money, because we were talking about money, spending stuff like that. And I ain't he goes, no, I'm gonna puttin' down, and I go, yeah, yeah, and I look over, and there's a yellow Mazerati, which is, I don't know cars, but it's the best Mazerati. And I go, who's called that, he goes, he goes, he goes, it's what I'm writing.

And I go, you know, he spent, yeah, he. I chillin' bed style, I drive up Mazerati. Yeah. I was, so wait, so, I was, real quick, I was with this, my oldest son at the Santa Monica Pier on the beach where like the rings and shit are. And we're just walking around, my son was like three.

And I see Rizza standing there. First of all, he's way taller than you think. Yes. Like six, four. Yep. And he's with this child, like another three-year-old, like gorgeous. And I'm like, oh shit, my child and Rizza's child, like another three-year-old, like gorgeous, and I'm like, oh shit, my child and Rizza's child, if I play this right, they're gonna play.

Right. This is great. I'm in. We're gonna be lifelong friends. Yeah. You know, and I'll be on the album. And so I walked up to Rizza and I'm like, I go, yeah, I go, Rizza, I love you, Jay. I love you. I suck ghost dog four times, dude. And the last three times I saw it was just to listen to your soundtrack. It was thank you, Lord. That's peace, that's God.

All right. And I go, and I gotta tell you, man, your daughter is beautiful. It goes, that's my fucking son, Lord. I pretended I had another child that I couldn't find. I go, I grab my son, I go, where's Jeffrey? Jeffrey! I go, I gotta, I gotta, oh's Jeffrey Jeffrey I go I gotta I gotta oh

God Jeffrey and I just start walking down the border Jeffrey Like he's not gonna hit a guy looking for his kid Jeffrey My son's like we don't like shit That's my that's my son long. Yeah, cuz you never know I'm like oh no like he got heated like any got like angry quick like I wouldn't think you get back That little woo face

I Beautiful your daughter is beautiful. That's my fucking son Lord So clearly Wu-Teng with the coming of the intervention Yeah, so I walk into my alright with the fucking Mike. I'm trying to block my face. I know Yeah, so I walk into my alright with the fucking mic. I'm trying to block my face. I know Brian and I how combines is down here. He gets his whole face on camera I know because my look at the way I bitch I It's a lot of greens a lot of fighter nutrients and no speed I know I take this out a pussy like a wood shiver

My fiance used to be taller My fiance used to be taller. I'm not saying she's taller. She's just... Why is that this question? He said it, I didn't. You look right, please. You don't look back in the... You got to...

That's my... That's my son, I'm home. If my son loves... Jeffrey! Where's Jeffrey? Where's Jeffrey? I'm sorry, I got it. I got this thing.

So... That's such a... I go into my podcast room, my producer producers there. How's the mic? Chin It's great dude. All right, and Yeah, like my producers there skilers there and I'm like, oh, wow that makes sense because he booked the interview with Inspector deck. Yeah, and Rayquan the chef respect as deck and Rayquan the chef. I'm like, what are these guys?

And then, uh, Must be late. Jeannie was there and my sister's from New Jersey or there. Oh boy. My agent Matt Frost is there, my buddy Chappie's there, two of my opening acts are there, my landlord and Malibu is there,

bye bye bye, and I'm so fucked up, I'm like, you guys, you guys gotta get outta here, who the tank's coming over. Oh my god. We don't have seats in the room. And you're high as a shit.

I'm like, they're really fired up to watch me interview WooTang, but it's not that kind of party. You can't just crash a podcast like this. Oh, yeah, it was high. I never was not. There was not a moment of the day I wasn't. Incredible. And then I saw the interventionist, and he was a skinhead.

You know, what you do a lot of meth, you never really lose that look. Yeah. Like the baggy Thanos, the fucking vans, the metallic a tee shirt cut under. No, skinny. They always got the dangly cross earrings, tattoos, pit bulls on his neck and yet a swash stick of tattoos to his head. So I'm like, I don't think he came with a tank like this guy had no teeth. Oh God. No, and he's like crazy. He's like just leaning into me like, No, these people are not leaning. Get the fuck out.

I'm like, uh. This people know. They're not gonna love me the death now. This is also the guy from the gym, Brian. What was that? He got touched up in the middle. He got touched up. He got touched up in the middle.

He wanted three miles to work, he let it to. No, he didn't. He got down. He wanted three mind work. He needs to do. He tells who says who says he's flipping people into rehab for money. Maybe it's a business war. Man's fucking to when you realize it. That's when you realize. Yeah. I was your Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, that high.

Because you're having right. I wasn't talking. I had, by the way, I had known that I would have reached out. I just had no idea. I wouldn't have been like, hey, you know, I don't know what to say, but I would have called you. Yeah, I went to an all, I had no idea, but nobody knew, right? Well, no, because we do it in private.

Yeah. You know, but I was told like, you know Matt Frosty, my aunt Matt Frosty. He's like, no, I can't put you on the road anymore. Like the, you know, those little comment cards or comedy clubs. Yeah. It's a little golf pencils, a little mini golf pencils.

Yeah. You're like, nobody fills those out. Or they all say like, you know. Gabriel and Grantseth. Yeah. They just write like one name. Like, yeah, he's coming next week. He's coming.

Tracy and Mark done. He's funny. So that weekend I was in Tempe, they all, every show, they had like, many cards filled out like, this is uncomfortable. Really? I'm looking at a drug addict. I was all sweaty, I was missing teeth.

I couldn't remember like punch lines. I was mixing up impressions and shit and I got real irritable with the crowd and they're like we're watching a fallen star and that that fucked me up because I thought the weekend went great. I made 14 grand and I spent two nights with a hooker named Mia Miao. Yeah, Mia. I don't know if that's her real name, Brian. What? I don't know. I'm sure her driver's license is like,

I'm sure. I'm sure Mia Miao. I think it's from Robloid. Mia Miao is probably the middle name, but keep going. It's just that's her nom de plume. Yeah. And I, you know, I really like, that was, I was ballin'.

Yeah. Like everybody, it was everybody else's problem. Yes. But then I learned, you know, I really liked that was, I was ballin'. Yeah. Like everybody, it was everybody else's problem. Yes. But then I learned, you know, you learn that it's me. It's, I am the reason for every single problem I have in my life. And I was relieved to know that because if I know that I'm the problem, I always have a solution.

Did you find any spiritual sort of outlet, God, anything like that? Bronze religious, no. On the way here? On the way here. No, when you saw my face. But does that part of the recovery? You're so unbranded.

I know, bro. Oh yeah, that's the only, like that God shaped hold, the only thing I can fill it is God. And it's like, but it's so, it's a spiritual sickness. And there's a spiritual solution. And if you want to get rid of the word God, it's, you just have to get out of self. You have to give the day to day operation over to something else, a higher power.

Like if you don't believe in a higher power, they say go stand in the ocean, try to stop the waves. You know, people, oh, are you making my doorknob? Yeah, but you better go off your ass and turn it. Yeah. You better go do some action, but I have to get to God before my mind gets to me every morning. I gotta just, as soon as my eyes are awake,

I just do that slide out of my bed onto the knees. This is, it's recovery is the only thing I've ever in my life given 100% to. And it's the greatest result of anything I've ever done in my life. You like yourself so much more, right? It's incredible. I've always topped out a 85% effort,

like acting, stand up, girls, everything was 80%, my maximum fucking effort where I'm like, wham, fuck, it was always a, I always had 15% in the tank, because I'm a coward. And if I fail doing that 100%, I'm not gonna be able to live with myself, but also if I succeed doing that 100%,

then you're gonna really look at me and examine me, and I don't know who I am, and that scares the shit out of me. So it's pure success and fear of failure. I either feel better than you, or I feel worse than you, but it's a constant, it's not like one day, I'm like this all day. It's a situation, a situation, a situation, a situation,

and I learned in recovery every single thing I did was so that people would approve of me and like me. Why don't I do a podcast anymore? Because guess what? I don't give a fuck at all, but I just was so, with everybody who's doing podcasts, I'm like, I can do a podcast. I can do one.

Where are you guys going? It's like your freshman hanging out with seniors on the way home from school. What do you do when I can do that? I'm gonna show them how good I am at it. It's like, it's fucking relaxed, dude. Yeah, but see, what I think is really interesting is when somebody talks to this truthfully,

you never look bad. Like you're saying all these things about yourself and you can just never look bad because you're just telling the fucking truth. Let me tell you what it does. Yeah, but it's also like all of a sudden identify with a version of this. Now, some people have it more extreme, but I actually think everybody has some kind of an addiction. Now, it could be a good addiction or an addiction, I would say, that has better results,

but it does feel like as you mature a part of wisdom is coming in terms of all those addictions or coming in terms of what What causes that addiction? Well, you know I can't play up a drinking problem What was the question? You're doing great and the most important thing is But you've been sober. How long you say now two years two months since

But you've been sober how long you say now two years two months and eight hundred and eight days seventeen That would all you remember it. Yeah my man. I do. I'm proud of you. It's fucking hard. Not really It's not anymore, right? I mean I can I fucking move Jesus It's got a pin in here. That's right because this is an intervention. I'm against the cage Yeah, I just did it alcoholically. I just did recovery the way I, with the same energy I chased drugs. Like it's all I thought about. Like every all he did was pill math all day.

Do I have enough where I'm I get in the next one? Do I have that prescription? Are they gonna meet? Is that doctor know about this doctor at the hall? Cause addiction becomes chasing the next. Wow. Bill, how long did you have that going on? I mean, I was five years from start to rehab,

but the last, like two years, like I lost jobs, like other people lost their jobs because I lost my job. Like that's a weird, like if you guys get shit canned because you're fucked up, like they're at a work, he's at a work, he's like, that's not cool. Like my radio show, I got fired from the NASCAR awards. Well, I didn't get fired. I just was asked not to come back for an eighth time.

So obviously it was going well for a long time. But I remember, I mean, you just can't differentiate fantasy from reality. I remember we were in Vegas in a writer's meeting and I had a nurse come in and give me an IV. In the writer's room, because I kept having cramps, because you know, when you're in that room, it's like, ah!

I'm just fucking sitting there like on an IV drip. In a writer's room, this is how much work in here means to me that I will, but no, that's not why. I wasn't honest with my friends. Today you just told me that you, you had this whole addiction with Adderall. I told you before.

No, but I know what I'm saying. Today you just said, you know today you were saying. That's about Jay. Yes, but you said you kept interrupting. You were interrupting all the time we were doing the podcast. I remember that, like, people were always saying that to me.

And I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I didn't know you were on Adderall. No one did. Right, but you were, you would canceling me. Right. But you would canceling me. I'm not sure what's going on.

I wish. No, my wife said no clip. So she was doing the laundry and she was, I was telling him that she was doing it. Because I, before I do stand up, I'd have the pills. So I would wear these jeans, I'd have pills here, here. And then you forget, because you're going through it, she was doing laundry and ringing out and they fell on the floor.

My kids were like, oh, candy, I'm like, no. Was it those jeans like for a bit? What? You wear those jeans like for a bit? Yeah. Yeah, it's a mechanic. No, Jay, does it? I'm a mechanic job. Yeah, he's got those Pock shot case. Yeah, I have to keep things. I know I hit it from everybody. Yeah, I

didn't know I never knew anything and then I was in a row. That's my stage voice. I apologize. You know, I did stage, but then like okay, it was like quit once we were on how long we were on Rogan, I finally brought up on Rogan Rollins. No, you and I had that talk out there and I was I didn't know what the fuck was going really really Brian saved your life is where he's going with this No, I didn't I just didn't know what was going on with him because he was more and more disconnected Yeah, he was interrupted constantly. He wasn't listening. He wasn't taking the stories I could tell I would say something he wouldn't even hear it and he'd just move on I was also I wasn't president. I was also kind of mean like I didn't give a fuck. Yeah, I was just go.

I never saw the mean, I just saw you totally just get you a few times. Yeah, you struck me. Yeah, it's interesting, like it's a super isolating drug. Like you do it in private, it's not something you share. It's very monetized and itemized. Like I know how many I have left, I know I got this flight, I know I got a land there, I'm not sure where the hook up is.

But you get really aggressive and you interrupt a lot and it's constant and you're in your head. So I don't hear a word you're saying because all I'm thinking is dead. What I just said makes sense. And you're seized up. We were talking about like just riding the brake at a red light.

Right now, go ahead. Just go ahead. I had to go through brakes on my car just from fucking Pomer! I met all the cracks on my teeth. Yes, mother dentist like this crack those teeth and I was like, yeah, it's just stress Oh, dude that all because you can't stand God damn man Yeah, he's missing it dude. Yeah, I you know people I was dubbing like nobody knows you're doing it now like you were saying saying, or you didn't know he was doing it.

Nobody was doing it. I know I did. It's a face to be swan. But they just start like I was fucking insane because I would be so erasible. And then you would be like, not you, but somebody would be like, bro, like are you all right? And I'd be like, I'm fine, what the fuck?

Then I go and use more because I'm bent out of shape by what you said. Then the next time you see me, I'm even more frenetic. and then you're like I don't want to hang out with that guy anymore I'm like so he's just this this space keeps happening to yourself And you're completely what I'm at all when you try to sprint shiipal. Oh, yeah, so so the heat I'm he's gonna I'm gonna race you and I he's 40 I go. I'm like, please don't sprint I go please to warm up. Please warm up. He goes like, I got this, right in my face, he goes, I got this, I'm like,

I should fuck up. I got this. I was like, what? I go, you can't just start running on concrete. We've been sitting and he goes, and I'm gonna beat him in a race. And I'm like, this is so fucking weird. Should I pull it in a race, and did he?

Yes, he did. Who won? I should pull. I blew out his fucking hands. Both hands, he had to lie down. We had to get a car and get him in the car and drive him here. Hand strength. Oh yeah. It was so bad. I couldn't make fun of him, but I was just like something's wrong here. I couldn't figure it out. It's amazing. Like as you get older, you ask if the person's

okay, then you laugh when you're a kid, you're like, okay. Seriously, okay. How long were you doing Adderall? Probably six months, hardcore. Yeah. I mean, hardcore for me. But I was into the point like Jay was like, I was able to be like, you're going down a bad road and I went cold turkey. Right. But then I was telling him you don't realize there's like a lag

because your brain's so used to that medication that when I was like, I'm a stop, stop on a Friday, had show Saturdays and Sunday, then Monday went to do the podcast and your brain just, it can't function on it. So I was flubbing my words. Sometimes I would do a podcast that I get done. If someone's like, what'd you just cover,

it couldn't tell you? No idea. Geez, you know, can't tell you. We were talking before you got here like, when you do stand-up, it's like you're just someone railroading in front of a really fast moving You're the fast moving train and there's like this This other spirit that we all have in our business that you just fucking toss and railroad ties right in front of the train

And when you're on Adderall or when you're right when you get off Adderall that guy's missing and the train still It's like you just keep hitting that ditch. I got a piss. Go piss. It's all good. Is it okay? Let's take it. We're not live. Guys, hate going to the doctor. Okay.

Also, you don't want to talk to your doctor about certain issues. Well, here's the thing. Most men's health issues have very simple solutions. Rex MD is all about simple solutions. But dude, viagra, the Alice is so expensive. You have another alternative? Yeah, I do, because they make generic Viagra and Seattleists, okay?

And they deliver it to your door. Yeah, but is it like $90 a pill, dude? No, how about, how about it's $2 a pill? Wait, and that's generic Viagra? Yeah, and for as low as $2 a pill? Yeah, you don't have to talk to a receptionist. You have embarrassing kind of conversation. You fill out a quick medical questionnaire

on their website, a doctor will review your situation and prescribe you generic viagra, if appropriate. You're medication gets shipped right to your door, a three two day ship and it's fast, simple, cheap. You gotta access your US license, Rex MD physician anytime you need afterwards. Rex MD has helped over 300 bros, 300,000 bros. Yes, 300,000 bros.

Guys get generic Viagra quickly convenient. Well, it's on the first night. Take advantage of their deal by heading over to RexMD.com slash fighter. Our exclusive deal will save you up to 90% off where you'll pay as low as $2 per dose of generic Viagra instead of 90 plus on Viagra, start-up packs or generic Viagra or Cialis, both are now available for our listeners, get started, okay?

That's RexMD.com slash fight-up for up to 90% off and free gift, okay? You're a partner, well thank you. The show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Is it? Yes, man. You take care of your body. It's fine, take care of your car. You've got to get a mental sweat, too. You've got to take care of your head Yes, man. You take care of your body. It's fine. Take care of your car.

You've got to get a mental sweat, too. You've got to take care of your head. You've got to take care of your thoughts. You've got to learn how to talk to yourself. And sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes talking to your friends isn't enough. Sometimes you just chew in your head. You can't live some things down.

Oh, man. Therapy can give you tools to find a more balanced life. All right. So you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind. Look, if you think of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try today. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexed,

once suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a license therapist and switch therapists. Anytime you want for no additional charge, find more balanced with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash fighter today to get tempsin off your first month.

That's betterhelp.com slash fighter. Back to things here. It's a full disclosure when we were in the bathroom together, I fake-peed. You did? Yeah, can I get to nervous? Yeah, well not nervous. We both farted together.

Yeah, it was good, we had good fart. We bonded over the big fart. But it just wasn't coming out. And then when you were done, you were just kind of not hanging out, that's weird. No, it was like, you're just like, you're like, I'll cheat a step in a half. If he's done, we can walk back out together.

So I'm like, yep, just you guys, Pien. You got a little gun chai. A provolatic, I'm like, I don't want to think I can't pee. It's fucking big shot. Are you getting better at the approve of that stuff? Yeah, I don't Yeah, all this success you've had though, too. That's where it doesn't does it. It does it matter You know when I got into recovery It actually

Serve me really well because like I got sober at a spite. It was like, oh really? That's what it come, okay, watch this. If I gotta be sober, I'm not sober. All you motherfuckers, watch this. And then I got a sponsor and I was like, it was so important for me, for him to think I was like, the best.

So I did every fucking thing. I checked every box that you should go to meetings early and take a commitment. So I'm like, on it, I'd go early and I'd sweep out the goddamn clubhouse. I'd bring my vacuum cleaner from home to tidy up, but not out of like, it was just circumstance, not virtue, because I knew eventually he'd roll in

with some other old timers, and in my mind he'd go, there goes the greatest sponsor I ever lived. God damn it. But as I did more things, more things I did like that to get everybody else's approval, I got my approval, because I started acting in ways that I approved of.

Like, hey, her disguise in the hospital, he lost a toe to fucking diabetes. It's like, well, I'll go visit him, see if he needs anything. Like, hey, heard this guy's in the hospital, he lost a total fucking diabetes. It's like, well, I'll go visit him, see if he needs anything. Like, hey, my dad died, we're gonna have a moral where you come. Yeah, sure, of course. But that's all the guys. I heard a guy saying in the meeting once, I've always been a copycat just these days,

I copy the coolest cats. That's cool, aren't you? Yeah, I was like, oh shit. Damn, man. So like the guys I copied, like that's just how they roll. Yeah, like just giving, they're just givers. Being good people. Just not selfish.

I gotta tell you something I heard last week of one of the best pranks I've ever heard in my life. Do you know Robert Russeller? No. You don't? Maybe. The sex folks. He's in weird science.

Robert Russeller. His in-laws live across the street from you. Oh, I love Robert. Robert, I love Robert. What do you don't sound like you? Cause you all know him. I know Robert very well. So he was, by the way, I was,

I was just thinking about Robert because he worked on the Goldbergs with me. That's what it was. I was just thinking about it. So, let me, you said the story. He's such a great man. Touching your arms. I'm fine.

So, he, if this is true, one of the best pranks I've ever heard of in my life. I'm over here. I'm looking at that other. Well, you know I'm seeing him look at photo. Yeah, he's great. It's, you know what? I should not try to control you.

You want to look at some pictures? I don't know. Listen to him. Well, you're a dominant. You're, you're an alpha. How about Google Memorial Day? Nothing for Memorial Day? Just gonna go blank.

You do a whole OBGQT rainbow and everything but Memorial Day just blank. Okay. Okay, Google keep using Google you fucks and carry on, Jay. Which they use Bing. Duck that go, Brian. What's that? Duck, duck, go. Love that app. Yeah What's Japanese holding? Talk to me about this is great radio talking about visuals. Japanese holding? Talk to me about... This is great radio, talk about visuals. Japanese folding, it's... Bookmarks, don't worry about it. Tell me, tell me about Robert. So he said he did the Goldbergs with you,

and you went home, and then he went home, sort of the same time, and he... You didn't know that his in-laws lived across the street from you. So you get home ten minutes later, is this true? Russeller knocks on his door and Brian comes to the door and rovers,

and he's like, hey, he goes, hey. And he's like, what's up? He's like, nothing? No, no, no, no. He goes, what are you doing here? He goes, you know, I just stop we've vibed on stuff.

Yeah, I was like, yeah, I remember this. I was like, what the fuck am I? I was like, okay, it's so weird. Because Robert's kind of a big strong robust guy too. I was like, I just thought we vibed on set, you know, I just, so I'm shooting my shot. And Brian's like, oh no. And he goes, you fucking idiot man. He got a suit?

He was directly brought to the street. Got great kids. He's just, so Robert's a guy. I just thought we vibed on set. We'll find one. I was like, what's that? I'm like, what's that? I'm like, what's that? He got through? He was directly across the street, got great kids. He's just, so Robert's a guy. I just thought we've done sets. What if Brian was like, yeah.

What if Brian was like, give me a minute, man. He's like, no, fuck, dude. Robert's a guy. I think about us being fully realized. He's just so at home being himself, because I feel like he's been through the fire. And he spends all his time being a sponsor for other people. And then I talk about approval. I was at his house once and his two sons were there. And one of them wrestled at Samo and I had a pally wrestling. They're like,

did you go to pally? I go, no, I'm from New Jersey. I coached there and they're like, you coach you pally? I go, yeah, they go, what's your name? I I go J. And in front of rustlers, his sons go, you're coach J. And I was like, I'm in. That's pretty cool. I get, I get exhale, I've been accepted by the seniors. That's awesome. It's cool.

Are you still coaching there? No, I went to rehab, right? All right. How long were you in rehab? I'd be doing both. You're right. Two months. Two months?

Yeah, I went to one. I went to an all men's Christian rehab beans rice in Jesus Christ Orally, hey homie What's that I was in there were like 18 year olds. I was 50. Oh They got like based at you Hoody pebble vape hey Get pass away Orally humbling can you have coffee in rehab? I heard you can't not after lunch

They don't they take it away so they trigger the mess people. So I'm like, yeah, but not having coffee might trigger the assholes. But you haven't had any morning. Yeah, and you know, my roommate in rehab did 11 years in prison for arson and man. His name was Armando. And if you didn't roll the arse, he would correct you. So I remember like, I'm just at it. I did five days of detox

where I just, I couldn't keep my eyes open. That sounds like the worst part. Wait, so tell me about before you get in that. What's that? What's that like? You just, you go from doing all the drugs, you're doing, so you're a dream all kind of shot. Oh, dude.

Remember those old demonizers on stereos? You know, all the fucking knobs on that old stereo. Yeah, you know, it's just, you go from, BOOM! To just, everything's off and you're like, So, six days of, what was that? You just couldn't, I just slept and got, it came downstairs to eat

and fucking rehab and detox. Attics love to watch TV with close captioning on. Really? They were always reading TV. I remember like just the dark night just being read across the bottom of the screen. I was in there with a fentanyl addict. All he watched was the dark night and the fourth day I come downstairs and I'm like, you figure it out, yeah, he goes,

no. I was like, he's reading, he goes, I will. You figure it out, yeah. You figure it out, yeah. No, man. The hardest thing to come off of, do you know? I guess, I think all of the stuff. It's an added, yeah. Oh, so my interventionist was so mangy looking

with the no teeth and the skin. Yeah, this is true. When he took me to detox, they thanked me for dropping him off. And they took him by the hand, they go, we'll take it from here. And they pulled him inside and they closed the door and I heard it lock.

And I'm like, I'm in like Temecula in horse country. I'm at the end of this like half mile driveway and I'm like, oh, they had her bitches. And I start kind of backward jogging away from the house but I'm like, I don't know where I am and he's my ride. Like I have no idea how to get out of here. I was fucking, you know, so they figured it out,

and they brought me in, and then detox is just, you know, they feed you, give you, you know, medicators, so you don't have seizures and stuff from coming off it. Just kind of like a baby, I can still feel the air from that, like it was so profound, like just, you're so, just, I'm just coming off dry. In rehab too, like the biggest lash

I've ever had in my life playing fucking scatigories with a bunch of methods Incredible 18-year-old methods celebrity Starting with an arc queen Lattepa Like no starting with an arc. That's what I said for Queen Latte So when I got your networks Alright, that's right. I went, you got it. But my armando, like I'm, you're crispy dude. Like when you get into rehab, you're coming,

no one gets there on a winning streak, right? Like your fuck, your life has come to this. They take the laces, take the laces, add your sneakers. So you can't hang yourself with the new bells. Or others, oh yeah. So like it's like standing,

standing line for meds, let me know where your ego's at. Standing in line, I'm like 14 guys, like, she up there, that little half door for the nurse to put your fucking meds. You're standing in like one floor over the coo, isn't it? Yeah, that's where it's at, at 50. After all the success and all that, and I heard you said, you just like,

and I treated it like, how I imagine jail would be. Like I just fucking looked straight ahead. I didn't sit with, I was all vatoes in the rehab and like I just sat to myself and all that. Did you get recognized? They knew you were. On the fourth day they're like, hey fool,

you come sit when us. And I was like, okay. Did they know who you were? No, they're like, you're a comedian. You ever come out on the YouTube? Couple of times. You ever come out on the YouTube? Couple of times.

What could you, can you call your, could you call your fiance at the time? Or no phone calls either? No, you're shut down for like, you're on like a lockdown where you can't make any calls or anything. And then you get phone down for like, you're on like a lockdown where you can't make any calls or anything and then you get phone privileges for like 20 minutes on a Tuesday between like six and six 30, but you're just, you're not that eager

to reach back out like, hey, remember that time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where I got my fucking life cut down to size. That was weird. Does your past like feel like a dream? No, do you think about it much? I think more like, cause I just do recovery. Like I don't, I love talking to guys in prison.

Like that's where God's been pulling me. Like that's, I go up to California men's colony, like those cats ain't coming home. No? No. And they're like, the lifers? Yeah, they're like those cats ain't coming home. No? No. And they're like, They're like, Yeah, they're like,

Good to see you again. I'm like, I bet you. So you go up to the chair. Yeah. And these guys are doing life sentences. They want to get free between the rears, you know? So my life more to answer your question. It didn't seem like a dream.

It's very tangible. Like I lived it. I know it. It's, I can finally take stock of it and go, God damn! I did a lot of shit. Yeah. Yeah.

Armando. He corrected me, he goes, I wake up on like my second day and these Latino guys, they'd be up at like 4 a.m. Crack an open their bibles, like fucking, with yellow highlighter. And I go, good morning, Armando. And he goes, get it right full. It's armando.

I said, sorry. Forgive me, Armando. I didn't realize you and I saw. I put us a ginger. Marley, cabero. Dude, you have a fucking hour, a killer hour. That's all I'm working on. Yeah.

A killer hour. He was in prison for arson manslaughter, he lit his drug dealers house on fire and killed them. Jesus Christ. And he was, these guys were all ganged up. Like they were all real talk. Yeah. And he had a tattoo on his belly that said loyalty

for the set, but you gain so much weight and rehab when he left it, said, I love marijuana. Hit it, da da da da da da da da da da da da da. Ladies and gentlemen, get up for a J-Mor. What's your year for compo? Some people, most, how do you say, profound, I guess, or some people that serve time in prison.

Like there's this, this train of the New Jim I'm at. Nice guy, skinny, it's all tatted up, white dude. Handsome bastard, blue eyes, Skinny. Skinny, yeah, Skinny is my favorite. Keep going. He always asked me to hit mitts. He always asked me to hit mitts. I'm like, I'm good man.

I'm, and he goes, you always come and just hit the bag, girl, yeah, I don't hit mitts. Then finally, saw my heroine and I was like, hey, how long you worked there? And he's like, oh, I just started about, you know, whatever, three months ago, I was, cool man, he was, I go, where are you doing before this? He was like hey, how long you work there? And he's like oh, I just started about you know, whatever three months ago I was cool. May is I go where are you doing before this? He's like prison I'm sorry. What'd you say this prison? You know how long they're in there goes shit, man. I went in when I was 17

I'm 35 now so he was like you know, I did you know go long time 20 years. Yeah 20 years now. Yo Oh, you killed I feel like I'm actually killed somebody, huh? If you don't, he goes, no man, uh, I was 17, got in the gang, grew up in Compton, only white gang Compton got in some trouble, you know, we robbing people and they wanted me to snitch on other gang members I refused to. So they threw the book at me. I got 20 years. And I go, Jesus Christ. And I go, can I, I go looking back at it?

Was you have snitch? He was, fuck yeah. Because I did 20 years, I last 20 years in my life, of guys who never called me once when I was in there, and all of them are dead now from getting paid. I put noodles on your books. Pfft. Pfft.

Don't say it in call you, I put noodles on your books. I got you a phone card. Pfft. I look when Latino guys talk on the phone real loud in Spanish and hear like one English phrase at the end, I'm like, I'm telling you about it telecom or a guy that landscriptors. Yeah. Yeah.

Walmart. John Wayne Airport. You're funny in your sleep, bro. Have you ever thought about writing a movie about this? No. Why not? 85%. 85%?

Just that loud, that 100% effort. I know, dude. No. Why not? 85%. 85%? 5%? Does that allow that 100% effort? I know, dude. To ride a movie. Staying a honda. I know. I'm a honda. Fuck all the time.

But you should write a TV show about it. I think it's one of the show. One of the show. Yeah. Stand up. Stand up. So what's up? Like I do, like my first 20 minutes is about that, you know,

and the arremando. Oh my gosh. And all that shit. So funny. And like, you know, you go to so, oh my gosh. And all that shit. Yeah. And like, you know, you go to so many meetings, like, gain so much. I had, I was so fat, I had to write five minutes about how fat I was. So it was just your addiction.

When you got out. Well, I went from coaching, wrestling on speed to just, hurt, sitting in meetings all day where they serve cake. Fucking cake. Because, because, Adderall, you don't eat. It's an appetite. You just, you don't eat. So that type of stuff. You just sleep, you're burning calories

when you're up all night, just fucking hang on. That was my thing. What did your health look like? Did you get a checkup? No. Can't be good. No, it was Mr. Rugga's. Yeah, drug addict.

Tell him. The answer's bad. You're not gonna see the doc. Got a fatty liver. Yeah. It looks like high blood pressure, and your heart rates through the roof. Thanks, babe.

I remember I went from my torn rotator cuff and he gave me a shot. I forget what he gave me a shot of. Poor zone. Something like that, but a cooler name. And I remember the needle just went straight in. I remember just looking at it like, that should probably hurt.

Yeah. I just looked at it. The alcohol's a little bit different. My buddy went to the doctor, he drinks too much. I think that's the hardest of the court. Yeah, and he went to the doctor and the doctor looked at him and goes, but he stays in shape. And the doctor goes, you're good.

Librands, I'm still a little elevated, huh? Yeah, that's a cool one. And my buddy goes, hmm. Because how many drinks do you have? I mean, it's a week. Very good. No, let's start with the night. It's a night.

One, two. Dr. Goes, one or two, huh? Looks at his enzyme to get a guess. One or two. You think a little bit more sometimes? My buddy goes, you want to do this? You really want to do this? Dr. Goes, I would.

This thing was wine though right? And then he goes yeah, on the third bottle of wine when I'm shaking my head at 11 at night and I know I'm gonna Finish that third bottle of wine and maybe get to the fourth, you know, that's pretty much every night and the doctor So we know what we have to do. I'll call shows in you're live and all that in your blood, but in your eyes. Yeah, well a lot of people will Compensate in every other way, so they'll protect their addiction so hard.

I drink four bottles of wine, but I'm gonna run eight miles. I'm gonna work out for two hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the world of extremes. Yeah, it's the world of extremes. Well, or it's a world of protecting that addiction at all costs. Well, of course.

I hadn't drank since 1998, but I mean, I got clean and sober, March 12th of 2021. And if I, you know, I go through the timeline and it's like after I quit drinking, I remember I got hooked on nightquil, I was drinking three bottles of nightquil a day. What?

That's a weird one. How? Why? It still tastes like shit. Really? Not like being underwater like in SpongeBob, but you can breathe like, really?

Really? No. So you little bourman. like in SpongeBob, but you can breathe like a... Really? A-now. So you're a little... Your constitution is one in which you like being anything, but sober, it's the... Anything but myself? Yeah. Mm.

Yeah. But it's a euphoric feeling. Is that what you're looking for? Look, remember when you were a kid, the first time you get fucked up with your buddies, you're like, this is the best! I never had that. I don't take credit for any of my sobriety.

I don't have a concept. I get drunk with your buddies. I do 10 milligrams of Instagram. Of Instagram. 10 milligrams of Instagram. Control-free. I just can't know my body hates it. You can't lose control.

My body hates it. I just wanna hate. I can't talk it over my diagnosis. If I do we don't, I can't breathe. Complete control. You can't lose control. My body hates it. I just got to hate. I got to talk it over my diagnosis. If I do read, I can't breathe. Complete control. You can't hold it. I don't know. You like to control every aspect. You want to know where we going, how we leaving, what time we get next.

Where do I sit, what do I do this, if you drink, you lose control. No, I'm so like it. You're putting. I don't like it. It makes me feel, some of you will feel you fork. I get sick. Where'd you get your Instagram prescription? Okay, well that's a good clue.

I scroll. I'll do 10 milligrams of TikTok, man. I just, I get great. What did you get your Instagram prescription? Okay, well that's a good point. I scroll. I'll do 10 milligrams of TikTok, man. I just, I get great. I didn't take a leave and affect me. Anytime I've ever done below, I can do two lines and stop, where most people have to do all of that. I had a bad with my space for a while. No, I did.

I was fucked up. I'm a bad person. I don't have a good point. His voice gets really deep. My space was a real issue for me. Yeah. You know I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, guys have a lot to talk about. I was I remember Look at him laughing. I remember I'm like the mild if he's the hot sauce on mild sauce I talked about yeah, I was telling Brandon before we came on like my dentist gave me viking and once I was 40

I never took a pill before and I took one viking and and I'm playing madden and Also, and I feel that fucking tuning fork inside like, oh, I feel it. And then I immediately went to my guest, he gave me 10 bike and I went to my guest bathroom and I put the other nine out on the counter and I counted them to make sure he didn't fuck me. Eight and I'd better be nine here.

I don't give a fuck if you're a Vietnam. Damn, fuck you're a Vietnam. Dennis, clear yourself with doctors, fuck me on this count. What, I mean, it's not, that's not normal. And how many viking in, did you get into viking it for a while? Yeah. I remember I had an NFL player,

I go, I mean, do you have any like, knurkos or anything and he goes, I do. And I'd ask him once before, and he was living here at Breefland, I went to his house and he had, you know, those enormous GNC protein powder things. He goes like this and it was filled with the yellow, with the norcos. A Norcos viking in?

Like without all the, yeah, I set a metaphine and I go, whoa, and he goes, here's the thing. He pulls it back, he goes, if you ever ask me for another pill, I'd beat your fucking ass. And I was like, deal. Say, you took the whole thing. Yeah. And Norcos are without the assent of manifints

to your liver doesn't exist. It's just less. So Norcos have like three or twenty five milligrams of sediment of thin. And then regular vodka has like 500 milligrams of sediment of thin. And Norcos are five milligrams of cinnamon if in and then regular viking has like five hundred milligrams of cinnamon and norca's are five or five milligrams more of hydrocodone I think. Sounds like real addict over there.

Yeah, I have problems with it too. So let's tell you. Oh yeah, I mean, I do too to just be in the choir moment. So everybody has an addiction issue except for me. No, when I got on the at-a-roll, that was like I just couldn't stop. And no, it was tough.

Never entertain the idea. Like you hear people go like, well, I kept promising myself, I'm gonna't stop. And it was tough. Never entertain the idea. Like you hear people go like, well I kept promising myself I'm gonna stop tomorrow. Like that thought never crossed my mind. Ever. Cause you don't think it's a problem. I couldn't get out of bed. I couldn't get out of bed.

I literally would not be able to move unless I snorted and swallowed Adderall. Jesus Christ it was like coffee. It helped me focus on getting more Adderall. Were you drinking coffee too? Sure. Who doesn't matter? I was fishing from my paddle board in Malibu,

like behind Dukes. I'd be out there like, as soon as it was any light, I'd be out there fucking just ripped on Adderall and like a full joint, like, because it would, you know, help me paddle better. Good time. Wait, you'd do a smoke of joint and do Adderall.

Yeah. I had a psychosis. I remember I was paddle boarding out in the water and I was really fucked up on out-of-all and weed and I had a complete mental psychosis where Ralphie Mae, I didn't like see him, but he was like out here and I could bring you to the spot on the water that had happened.

He goes, Jaymore, if you got a bird on your helmet, you stink. And I'm paddling going. J-more, if you got a bird on your helmet, you stink. Like, if you got a bird on your helmet, you stink, playboy. And I'm like, fill it off the eagles, of they stink. And like, for 20 minutes, I'm out there going, Louisville, cardinal, he goes,

stink! They stink, J-more! I'm just paddling, having a full fucking conversation Louisville Cardinal it goes stank I'm just paddling having a full fucking conversation with Dead Ralfy. Wow Like you think if you got a bird on you helmet you stink Like Arizona Cardinals stank stank And I just fucking naming all these the Ori I'll stay stank and he's like Full fucking break You want to hear the best for Alfie's story I have yeah, but I have to pay now you got to

Make me nervous all these stories I'm in a hat or a wrong. I gotta go pee. Dude, I'm so hungry man. I just wish I had some macadamia nuts in my mouth. Why? Because macadamia nuts are amazing for satiety. You know what the problem is? You have them all over the table.

We have them all over the table. So during the interviews, whatever they're doing podcasting, I just stare at these nuts. I want them in my mouth. I want the dip macadamia nuts. Please don't need them on it. These are already like open. Just not going. I can't. They're the I want the dip macadamia nuts. Please don't need them on it. These are already like open. I can't. I can't. They're the best. They look macadamia nuts aren't just for the rich.

Macadamia nuts aren't for the rich. They used to be. They used to be. Dude, they are truly the tastiest, most buttery, delicious nut. I already lying must bring them on the spaceship. Well, if you want to, if you want to not eat a lot, but just be satisfied, they're amazing source of fat, they are, they are, they do all kinds of things for longevity apparently. But look, they're also the best taste in that, and here's the thing, this is how it's bludger. Yeah, this is how house of academia is deliver them so they don't cost a billion dollars

because they work with 96 South African farmers, right? So, they make it easy to get to because their brand is farmer-owned. How do you farm a nut? How do you farm a macadamia nuts? I bet you I know how. You just got trees and there are nuts. And you water the trees and you're like, come on nuts and then that's South African son. Gotta be careful of lions and baboons and things like that.

True, word hog. Then you pick them probably by hand Mombas a lot of Mombas You mean by the way you divide the nut farm road wake up everyone go. Let's get naughty. We gotta get naughty every morning Oh, let's get I crack my I crack like this. Yep And I say we're lovers and I stay home and keep the the house, you. I'm like, careful of them, mom, but don't they reach into the branches? I'll say, you have to,

you have to believe this, that's you and I go, thanks buddy, sweetie, I'm gonna go get the nuts out there and I'm f***ing your butt. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, out, but leave it, but leave it, but leave it, leave it. Either way, that's part of my, that's part of my more than a team I go. Let's get naughty. Careful, and Mombas. Shake them trees.

You gonna pick those nuts? I'm gonna say, I'm gonna hit the fields and work on these nuts, but shake them trees. You're going to pick those nuts. I'm going to say I'm going to hit the field and work on these nuts. When I come back, you're working on these nuts. Okay. I'm going to do that too. All right. Either way, guys, House of Academia and right now for TFAK listeners. And that's the code you put in TFAK TFAC FAK.

That's the code houseam McAdamines.com which is T F A K. You're 20% off your phone. And you get a $35, it's worth $35, a box of McAdamian nuts. All right. Nambian sea nuts. Nambian, Nambian sea salted McAdamian nuts

from the Nambian sea. All right, from the Namibian. Oh, that they're nice. Now salty and delicious, the Namibian bay is. Get yourselves enough. How to macadamia.com slash TFAK20South. Your whole order when you use TFAK is a promo code and then you also get them sea salted macadamians

for free right now. God, not in your f***ing- Look, I have all these posters about your failed spin-offs. What? What? What? Like, Avaloda and Fish. Chin versus the Kid.

Or failed spin-offs. There's so much of bullsick. Just shit, they never caught. Hey, let's try this again. One day at a time, night time. That was bad. You deserve better than her. No, no, I was good, it's good.

Give me a good Ralphie May story. Me Ralphie was opening for me. We're driving to Tempe and it was me, my buddy Walter was driving. I'm in the passenger seat, Ralphie's in the back seat, we're on the 10 East, just the whole way. And it's like one of those January rains where it's just like holy shit, like you're doing 30

and you can't see shit like, whoa, like typhoon shit. Crazy and then the rain stops. And if you look to doing 30 and you can't see shit like whoa like typhoon shit crazy and then the rain stops And if you look to your left you can see the snow cap mountains And I go man, that's what God looks like and my buddy Walter goes. It sure is man and from the back seat here Alfie go. Yeah, that's what God looks like And then the rain comes again. Oh, there's a fucking 18 wheeler. We're like god damn then the rain comes again and bar, all right, there's a fucking 18 wheeler. We're like, God damn! Then the rain stops and Walter goes, yeah man, be right man.

Like that's what God looks like man. And I'm like, from the back of here, Ralphie go, that is what God looks like man. And then it's fucking pouring rain. Like a half hour later, Ralphie goes, there goes God again. But it's still raining. It was an intimate stroke next to us.

Pfft! Big don't let him I was missing the whole thing. With the bike taking out of the box. There you go. I don't look like that. That is what God looked. We're looking up here. And he's just like, the star with his pipe just looks

this way and goes, that's what God looks like. Oh, fuck. I was like, you know, blind spot. So we didn't even see him. We're looking up and to go in. To the truck. There it is. You're going to God again.

You know when you laugh We went to a 7-11 Oh my god, just fucking gather ourselves. I love that motherfucker, every goddamn day. So fun. Do you remember Eric? Who was his name? He died. Got hit by a car.

It was a drug addict, real skinny. Get really funny. Eric, the fuck the store? Yeah. Remember him? Yeah, he passed away. Yeah, passed away. I didn't know him.

He was an addict. Stop drinking. He was such a good guy and a monster. And he opened for me. I didn't know him. Monster being good stop drinking. He was such a good guy and a monster and he opened for me I didn't know monster being good comic. Oh, yeah, incredible and a beautiful soul Eric Williams knows Eric. I can't my fuck I can't put what about him so But he was you know, would your black shoes? It was almost as, you know.

I'm so glad to hear. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sometimes it would last. Or is I six, my big head, nice bangs. Yeah. Baby hands. No, it's somewhat, he doesn't get the foot long. No, it's the hat, it's the ears.

We're off center. I wouldn't say he's teeth were crooked, but they just, they weren't uniform. I mean, they weren't like taking turns. Originally from Naples, but he was not, I didn't know he was the drug addict on the level. He was in the alcoholic level. He was like, he was kind of alcoholic, where he would fall asleep with a cigarette and like the whole place I'm firing stuff crazy. You had a funny story about it?

Yeah, so I'm so fucking I'm such an idiot. He goes you have a lot of energy and I go yeah And he goes man, how would you what would I do? I go well, how do you eat because I was watching him eat some shit Yeah, I know this is how naive I am so I go to him I go I know you like here. We go again with the you know, there's certainly you can that's what I'm saying You're but this one saying got by no with my with my bullshit like you should try to wise. Yeah So I go he goes watch I go I'm looking at skin and he looks like he's been burned by the sun with my with my bullshit like nutrition wise. Yeah. So I go, he goes, what's that?

I go, I'm looking at his skin and he looks like he's been burned by the sun. So I look at him. It's also the least of his words. I know. Some people call it a sunburn. Yeah, no, this is, this is just alcohol than the DTs. So I go and he was sober at the moment.

And I go, um, you should just try eating some avocado. And he goes, what's that? I go, an avocado, it's a fruit, but it's an, I explained it to him and I show it to him. And so he goes, okay, and that night, that night he goes, I ate an avocado and I go, good. And he goes, it was hard to eat though. He ate it like an apple he never peeled it He's a guy I don't know what's chewy I know what he's saying is well, I mean just this the out part the outer part sure I go you ate the skin on you get the whole fuck. I can't give it a bearers goes veins He goes yeah, I feel better man. Hermas stomach Okay, next time check with me on the avocado.

Eighth of avocado allergy, you ran into trap. Eighth the whole fuck. Okay, skin it all. Oh my god. He just powered through though. He's like, this is good for me, I guess. Most days bad. Was he a brother?

Huh? No, no, no, white guy. Where was he from? He didn't know we're in avocado. Florida. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, my first week coach in at Pally High, there's this kid, he's just fucking, he just looks fantastic.

Like, we're all doing rock and roll. This kid was just doing jazz. Yeah. As a wrestler, you mean? Yeah. And somebody's, and I go up to him and I go, can I talk to you for a second?

He goes, yeah. What's up? I go, are you vars second? He goes, yeah, what's up? I go, are you varsity goes to New York? No, I'm American. You look great. What? No, sir, I'm American. He said no, sir, I'm American.

Are you varsity now, American? I became my god son. I swear I got, we went to state, maybe a couple of times. He got a shit to get that little college dress when I was a college man. Really? It was like, this is my fucking dude forever. No, it's your American. It's your American.

I was like, I don't want you guys to take a moves across your back. You're not good enough to pull off a gatorole, you know? And I go, and one day, does a gatorole in a match at like Birmingham High and he beats their seniors. He's like a sophomore. I go, why do you take a moves across your back? And he goes, I'm iconic. I go why do you take a moves across your back and he goes oh my god I can't I'm like Alex that's great it's the best it's great

he texted me last night I don't know where I'm like hey it's incredible you've seen man names that's her American that's her American strong strong strongest fuck I go to which one's for who's for That's like when I I won this jacket so bad was a starter jacket around those are big my brother still makes for me today We went to bring on me back school and I pull up in my cowboy starter jacket. It's guy goes a starter I go it's my first one. Yeah My brother brothers like fuck you All right, it's the poll over go back is that the one right where you the star NFL Pro line It's 50 bucks next to the first one he pulled up fifth one here. Yeah, that was exactly

Let me get down exactly Let me get down let me get down. Let me get started. It's my first one It took me while to get it. Yeah, you ever lose your phone while you're on it Yes, or being your hand you're looking for the fuck is my phone. What's wrong? I can't find my fucking phone Where's last night? Put it if I knew that I wouldn't be looking for it, would I? That's, you're like, let me call you back. I can't find my phone. Literally what, I happened to get there. At the airport, I'm like, where the fuck is my phone?

I'm looking through my bag. I was on my phone. It's always like what I'm on a camera too. The fuck is my fucking bullshit? I get angry, I get this, one thing that gets angry is that shit. I'm like, I don't have time for this bull fucking, this bullshit, you know,

looking through a sifting, through pulling shit out. There you go. When his baby's around, he says bull crap. No, I say, in fact, I say fuck around my baby and my wife is like, hey, you gotta stop this shit. Oh, I heard him. I got a scolding. We saw, I saw Jerry McGuire in the theater.

There's like these black guys right in front of us, and there was a gay couple right in front of us, and it's packed in Times Square, right? And I'm not on screen for like 40 minutes, and when I come back on the screen, the black guy in front of us goes, oh, here comes this motherfucker again, guys smiley. Guys smiley.

And the brother brothers are like, mm-hmm. And then there's the batch, going with the movie theme. There's the bachelor party scene and Eric Stoltz does a cameo. And the two gay guys, the one gay guy when Eric Stoltz comes on camera, the one gay guy goes, is that Eric Stoltz? And his lover just unsan't anything, then he just goes, no. Like they've been arguing about this shit for months. Like everything is not our extol.

Is that our extol? No. Damn it, that movie. Look at you. Fuck, that was sick. Look at you. Young dumb and full of calm. Look at that. You were so good in that movie, dude. Oh, damn. I liked you in Wonderless. Or the Magic movie. Bird Wonderland. That was fun. Damn you were I liked you in Wonderless or The magic movie

That was yeah, wow It's great. You're so good in that. Thanks buddy. You did this. I never forgot it I know it's a weird thing but like when you you made the deal and you go on On the phone. Yeah, he just goes I ran out of ways to act like it's so you're happy This camera was like off camera going more money more endorsements I'm like more money more enjoy. He was just like throwing shit at me to, it's so you're happy. His camera was off camera going, more money, more endorsements, I'm like, more money. More endorsements, he was just throwing shit at me to say. He's like, we're just gonna keep it moving.

And then the one, I just ran out of shit to say, so I go, I go, do you really know what Jerry McGuire knows what it's like to be a black person? Like I made that up and the camera came up me and goes, I wanna show you something. And then it was later that day after I'd gone home and they cut the tom, and Tom goes, he said that?

I'm Mr. Black people. Wait, he said that what? I'm Mr. Black people. Like they showed Tom what I was saying actually can react, and that's what he liked. Wow. Tom was great to it. He's a great person.

I was just kidding. He's fucking just a little girl. Nice, the nicest guy in the world. The best. The better you're talking to him, he's like this. All right. You're like, I'm the only one, it's like Dale Carnegie shit. You're the only one that exists. It's incredible.

He comes up to, my dad actually said to me, my dad raised cars with him at Bridge Hampton and, yeah. And he goes, ask, you know, dad like being a dick, he was, when he asked your buddy Tom Cruise, what Gary's in it? In the second turn at Watkins Glen, because he's the only one of us that never crashed in those hay bales. I'm like, all right.

It's like six days later, I'm back on set and I go, hey, you're racing my dad at Watkins Glen and he's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I go, he, you want him to ask you, what gear are you in? On turn two at Watkins Glen, because you've never seen the crash into the hay balan. He's like, I, take out, I said second, I said second, I'm like, all right. So then I tell my dad, and then like two months later, where it's sun-levels, this was at Sony here, and

then where it's sundavel stadium in Tempe film in the football shit. And I'm on like, you know, it's like two in the morning trying to stay awake. I'm throwing a football with the guy that played my quarterback. And also I hear JJ and I look and coming out of the tunnel is Tom Cruise and he's fucking sprinting towards me like, and it's Tom Cruise running. He's a great movie runner, you know, and he gets up and he goes, hey, I'm not even winded.

What gear was your dad in? What gear was your dad in? Turned to it, what can it's going? Like he remembered that shit. Yeah. Like he's just sitting in his trailer, he goes, just came right here, had to know.

God, had to know. Tell it, can you please tell the Christopher Walken story, the tale? The first time I met Christopher Walken on the set of Suicide Kings, I go to say hi to him. And the first thing, as I'm walking up to him, the first thing he says to me is, you know, I can see you coming.

Holy shit. I'm like, because I'm walking up to him the first thing he says to me is you know, I can see you coming I'm like some introducing myself. I'm not a Vietnamese sniper. We're gonna tree line Like a cow in no offense. It's how introductions work I had my White I'm not going to be a third of the time. Anyway, I had my rot wild. Please do this podcast every day. Seriously, can you be a third of the time?

It's my half time. Can you just come on the podcast all the time? Alright, yeah, guys, you're off to it. I love it. I'm serious. I miss you guys so much. So fun, Josh. Like, you know what I'm gonna, can you just help me out?

It feels like when he does the fucking leg, it's like first one to like actually lap and sit on the podcast like, ah, like the Ray Legota, the good friend of the lab. You really are a funny guy. You really are. Yeah. Wait, keep going. So I go up to my go, and before I say like, oh, I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed.

I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. I'm gonna go to bed. And I go, her name is Shirley and he says, who can's? And I thought he cared because he brought it up, you know? And he goes, I gotta know what happened to your dog, Shirley, Rahuila. What happened to your dog's tail? It's gone.

Where did it go? It's okay, you can tell me. And I'm just standing there like in this driveway going, where the fuck is my dog's tail? And then he gets like real close to me and he goes, it would be great to have a tail. And I'm cool, right? So I look back and I'm like, oh, why, why is that?

And he goes, come on, if you had a town, everyone would know if you were angry or upset, they'd see you. They'd see you coming off the block. They'd say, get back. Look at this town. He's crazy. And I go, well, you probably mean happy. Like people know if you're happy, if you have a tail, you'd wag it because you're happy. And he goes, maybe you, you're a tail. Yeah, he just cut the ringle on me, right? And then he looked at me like it's my turn to talk. You're all out of nothing.

And I've never had a tail talk before. I looked out at the dog and dogs like, nah, not me. So look at me, man. Not me in word. And I go, would you rather be able to fly or have a tail? That's what I got out. And he goes, a tail of course. I could rather have a tail to be able to fly. He goes, you could always get on an airplane

with your tail. But the fuck? So, in the movie, he's duct taped to a chair, right? We can app him. And yeah, it's like Velcroed in the back, but if he gets up between setups, it's like you got an unzip arm and this and then he's going to come back in, you got to wrap him back up and get his hands fucking duct taped to the chair. So he just stayed between setups. So I would just hang out next to him. Like I not going anywhere was I going playing the fucking acoustic guitars like

I'm like I'll be right so I'm swarking hall of famer I'm sitting on an apple box right next to him I go what was the worst part about filming the deer hunter and he goes this This You just cancel them you just cancel them if it's true Right, there's such passionate expected thing is I mean spinning You're down there in a pit and the guy holding the bounce card goes, oh, what down there? I'll be right back to it and I'll do back

completeters. You know that is, that's a really all-in-personation. So I'm like, all right, I had to take a leak so I go back out to go to my trailer and one of the key grips was this Asian guy and he just outside having a cigarette and I as I walk past him I see him I go Chris wants to talk to him Because what I go I don't know man, so just walk and just told me that I just talked to him to a chair and I send a guy to go you want to know me? He goes I had the scene where I'm supposed to cry. And like, okay, we're rolling, he goes, AJ.

What's the name of the woman who plays the nanny? I go, friend, dress shirt, he goes, yeah. I would like to bang her. Action. You know what, what's his name? There's a comic whose name forgot, on stage, he said, he was doing, he he said he was doing a movie that's of course, as he did.

And they were in the movie and he said, I, he, they were kind of hanging out. It was it was the rap party for the film. And Chris walkin comes in a little drunk. And he walks up to these new young. You're going to find me. Yep. You guys, you know know what fame is,

fame is knowing you could walk into a room and fuck anyone in the ass. That's fame. And he just walked away. What is it, Grace? No, they were like, they were like, it's true, that's actually fucking true. Okay, Grace, what are you doing?

What are you doing after this? When I was on, here's the best rewrite ever that, when we were doing an SNL, we, by the way, the old comedy cafe in Milwaukee on the market, it's a J-more from S plus L. By the way, how about his resume? You're an SNL on the cast? Yeah, I don't know that. Oh yeah. And we had to rewrite this sketch

with David's, Fred Wolfen, David Spade wrote it. And it was like, David Spade was a weight loss guru. And it was basically just getting people to do math. And you know, like, yeah, ride the snake. And you know what you see like the outline of the fat person, it's like after six weeks and it shrinks, it's like after six hours. Six hours.

And then like people have testimonials and they're all tweaked out. And then they had this film piece where Farley's at a drive-through window in his car and he goes, yeah, I'll have 14 cheeseburgers and 14 hamburgers, 14 chicken sandwiches, 14, you know, diet coaks and 14 apple pies and 14 french fries and the guy in the lady in the box goes,

will that be all? And as it was written, he goes, no. And it was like TBD, like, I'm still working on this joke. So for two, when I tell you two hours at like one in the morning two in the morning Three in the morning coming up with that joke like what if you just repeat the exact same order like well that'd be all no I'll also have then he repeats the exact same order or No, and then he just goes make those diet coax or like no give me 15 apple Around and around we went and then

Apple, but around and around we went and then Nor Mcdonalds, we didn't know he was in the room He's on a couch like at the end of like on the other side of the room and he goes, hey you guys are talking about it Chris at the drive through another We all like jump like I'm fucking phantom Yeah, I did me 44 cheeseburgers and all those French fries, you know. And that was what it's, apple pies, you know. And then the guy in the box, the guy in the box goes, eh, will that be all? Chris says yes.

He fell out of my chair, it's like one syllable. We were just dogs hunting in the wrong direction. He says, yeah, that's right, dogs hunting in the wrong direction. And then when they fell into it, Farley had like this sense of fucking pride, like this drink, this fucking mess already working. Like, well that'd be all he's like, yes. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Yes That's the difference between Chris making that choice

Fuck brand he used to be a fighter you and The only time I met Norma Donna is back to the main room at the Tommy store and he is you you used to fight Huh, yeah, he has you yet any insight on who's gonna win this weekend? I was like, I didn't know he's better. Oh, yeah, the Generate Gambler. Oh, yeah. I was like, ah, the other minus 230 for the the tall fellow. I was like, the tall fellow. Yeah, he was like, yeah, he was like all into it. And I was like, crazy fucking so into these all. Yeah, right. You never had a bookmaker. Is there in for themselves And then Sam was a came in talk to you. So came in because of the generate

Yeah, he's like so if you can give him pics already laying said it was the first time to ever see a hundred thousand dollars in cash You want to see something I'm coming over? All right, it's like okay, and you guys yeah, hey guys a hundred thousand dollars, and I'm giving it right I'm going to walk him right over to my book and giving it to him a hundred thousand dollars He lost I love that already story. Well, I don't know what tell stories not mine We've been down that road before I love already on Susanna alive you're there. Hello two years You get to audition you got the pass from that's a bitch of a job, right?

If I could do it again, I'd probably love it. Yeah Man you're the dick by towel if a walk in oh my god, you're the Dick Vitale. Quick, if you're walking. You're there during the heyday. I mean, that's when big boys were there, huh? Yeah. Kevin Neel and all of them. That was a special time, huh? That was rockin' Roll Real Estate.

All right. That was a special time. I mean, it changed my life. Wait, is that Chan, Chan hooks? No, that's more win of banks. She was a Brit. God, love you, Chan hooks. I always had a crush on Chan hooks.

I don't know. Then how was your audition process? When I was at, so my manager Barry, hey boss, it's Barry. Oh, Barry Katz. You know when I make amends to Barry? When I made amends to him, like, you know, because of my addiction, I did this, I did this, and if I lift anything out,

I hope you'll tell me, and I hope you'll let me know how I can make it up to you. He goes, did you bring a check book? I got all very, I love very the best, the best. I'm like, no, the fuck too. And I'll let me get back to you, man. Jerry would, I mean, Barry would call me and go, it's an amazing thing. We've got, I got a great, you know, they come out, no, no, but he was like, you know, Brian Callan, the guy was always working. I'm like, oh, thanks, you know, they come out, no, no, but he was like, you know, Brian Callan, the guy was always working. I'm like, oh, thanks, you know.

And he's like, I got a great thing going on. It's, we're gonna be, you come to New England and you do a week of stand up. We have this whole, the festival, and the great news is you're in everybody's house because we scream it and you're on this channel and everybody has it in New England so it's really good. I'm like that sounds great. It's okay. It's kind of just a New England TV channel. I was like, I'm just listening to that. What's

the money like? He goes, wow. So it pays $250. But we get your fly. I'm like, you know, how is never I have never opened on my schedule, but so do you want to do it? Say yes. Yes. It's canceled. Brandon, I have a gig for you with. Brandon. It's amazing. It's a, are you there, Brennan? It's the great wall of China. You're gonna do stand-up. You're gonna do 11 minutes of stand-up. I mean the Chinese government, they had thousands of comedians at Juicerone. They chose you. I don't get it, but They're gonna pay you a half million dollars. You're gonna be on the cover of every magazine. It's gonna be covered by all news outlets.

You're gonna be Timesman of the year. I see you'll do it. Do you want it? I'm in. It's fantastic. Have you ever flown a leered jet? I know. You've never flown a leered jet. No, sir. I'll tell him.

I wish he would be like famous, famous. It's probably my best impression because he was a father to me. He's so great. I was 18 years old and a man walks in your life that goes, I'll handle everything. Just do stand up. You're the best. Keep going. He built a pyramid for you.

Keep going man. He said to my buddy, he said to my buddy he goes he said to my buddy. He goes yeah, I love Barry and he was a good manager But very be like I'll be I'll be the Jew I'll be your Jew who builds a pyramid for you tangible tangible motivation You know he's he when he was I really like Barry. I love him. Did you ever see when he when he m. Seed? Mm-hmm at his own club and I'll get back to the SNL? Is he still alive? Yeah. They're very kind of retired. He looks like Dirk Navisky. Pull him up. Barry catch. Very, very. It's he looks like Dirk.

Barry made he assigned an autograph as Dirk Navis. Yeah. He made his money. I think and I don't even know if he does. Dirk Navisky. Look a light. I've seen you. I love. I love man. I did a podcast with him actually. Give me the rock from three on my hot. I always just really liked him. No one's wearing 41, can I wear 41? What are you doing before? What is he doing? Got his podcast, I guess.

Wait, that's right. I love Barry. Undeniable man. I was on the Jordan Harbinger Show, was what I'm doing. He really is like quintessential manager though. Oh, it's cool. Like he's your manager. this is me in China.

He's still your manager? No. He managed a lot of big, big acts. Yeah. I know I've met him or I know him from somewhere. He also looks like Napoleon Donum. Yeah, managed to cook. Him and Dane read Tao in Vegas during lunch

and they're kind of at the place themselves and this big like skinhead goes, hey, uh, Dirk, I just got, you know, I was behind the walls. I just got out, you know, I'm with my girl. Could you give me an autograph for big fans and Barry goes, I don't know what to tell you man, but I'm not dirt and vizki. You guys go, come on man. Just be cool man. And Barry goes, I can't, I'm not there at Navitsky. I'd be impersonating an NBA basketball player. I'm just a Jew. And then I go, all right, the guy comes back again.

Mary's like, I'm telling you man, I'm not there. So then like a half hour goes by. And they're having lunch. And also, he's sitting across from Dane and Dane just goes, the guy puts Barry in a fucking chokehold. From behind, he goes, just sign the fucking napkin. Barry writes Turk. No viski.

And he doesn't remember his numbers, so he puts a happy face. The guy goes, was that so hard he goes, not at all. Oh my god. Guy goes was that's the hardy goes not at all Dane wow, what do you mean you're cancelling? Cancelling how Yeah, did you work with Adam too? Canceling how? Yeah. Does he work with Adam too? He probably worked with everybody.

He worked with everybody. He worked with everybody. When he would MC, he was fantastic. He'd be like, all right. The comics are in the back. They're excited to perform for you. They're in the back doing breathing exercises and coke. Just kidding.

They're not doing breathing exercises. That's a good joke. This guy's looking at me like, make me laugh, you big blonde Jew, make me laugh. Oh, he's like 6-6, too, so people thought they're... Yeah, fuck, yeah, yeah. He goes, how about a round of applause this side of the room? The people that hate me. And he had the best intro if you had no credits, he goes,

this guy's one of the hottest comics in the country and you're about to see why. Please welcome Brian Kellen. That's crazy. And you walk out and you're like, Oh, she's all right. So my SNL audition was at his club, the Boston Comedy Club in the building.

It could be on the Boston Comedy Club. Yeah, I didn't fucking know that. And it was in late July. It's on the second floor above like an Irish pub with music. Yeah. So he would rise. The air conditioner was out. I went on third.

I remember him coming up and he goes, you know, and baseball, your best hitter hits third. By the way, you called it the Boston Comedy Club and it was in New York. He's a gemma genius man. Okay. Why? The good question. So it was in New York. I'm open homogeneous man. Okay. Why? The good question. So it was in New York. I'm open up a hearing aid store.

It's called Landscafters. Yeah. One punchline, two jokes. I went on third and the air conditioning was out and everybody at SNL left after the fourth comic because the heat was unbearable. But was it that whole, all the comics were auditioning for it? Yeah.

Just based off Stan. 18 guys. 18 guys, and they saw four of us. Fuck. And every guys went up, they had no idea there was just no one home. And they're up there with their fucking dreams and balls on the line. And everyone's out there just fanning themselves. It was back in the day when they would just come out and scout, scout, stand up.

And then I had a follow up, they wanted to see me again. It stand up New York and I was like, this is getting weird. Carrie Hoffman. I was like, I have no chance at this. So I just, I went to the gym, fucking Justin tries. And I took the subway up and I'm in sweatpants

and like a, you know, Chapman lacrosse, girls lacrosse t-shirt and like three amp-cell lights at the, and everybody else is in like, you know, when you taper the bottom of your jeans, like nano-to-a-no and they had their funny shirts and they're fucking hair and I'm like, oh, I stand out here. Yep.

Cause I'm just dressed. And you were the funniest. And I did my whole set. I remember I did, I did Andrew McCarthy, which is like, that's how long ago it was. And then I did, I did, I did, Danero and Pesci, but it, but during, but doing raging bull, but they were Batman and Robin. It's like, when you stop eating your fat, fat, fat fucking fucking bellies hanging over the belt belt you broke the fucking batball You're a fucking mess fucking bad woman will fucking me more yet

And I just did that and then I did our sunny-own. I got all stage and the whole time I do my good though you're you're you might be the best I think we'll sassy said that I think you and those assos might be the best To ever do it along with with Frank Kalianda. Can we sell some tickets? God damn. God damn though, you're good at that. Fuck you, YouTuber.

You just go run into it. You're just taking the dirt everywhere. Grand Rapids, Michigan, can't wait to see you guys. Yeah. I thought that the SNL people, I saw them like in the back right hand corner of the room, so like after every punchline, I like stared them down to let them know like I wasn't afraid of them. No, I thought they were in the back. That's what it was.

I thought they were in the back left hand side of the room and I'm staring them down after every punch line. And then I get down my set and I leave this way and I pass them on the back right hand side of the room. So I spent the most important eight minutes in my life staring down like a fucking real estate agent from patchhog long Island like What is old lady like what the fuck the we And then I hit the street and Marcy Klein runs out to don't leave Lauren wants to talk to you and I'm like Like all right like I'm supposed to but I have foreshadowing you you wait a lot and did you want it? Yeah fucking wanted it of course Like, alright, like I'm supposed to, but I have foreshadowing, you wait a lot. And did you want it? Yeah, fucking wanted it.

Of course. Saturday, that back then, Saturday night was, it was everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a mercy client. I remember I was so glad I loved mercy. So Lauren spoke to me and goes, and you got in a white limo, just looks so bizarre, I said a comedy club. And then I went home.

And then the next day I was performing at Kataba, North Kataba College in Kataba, North Carolina. And it was me, Anthony Clark. And Anthony is. That's a Clark F. And hilarious. I'm sorry to interrupt, but at the time, are you like a torn comic or are you a big comic at the time? I was like on MTV's lip service.

Back then, nobody was a big comic because we didn't have social media almost traveling. We didn't have social media. You always, you did the road, but you had to make a thousand a week, which back then, for I mean, I was literally, that's what people don't understand, Jay. It's like back then, five grand a week, and when $10,000 to do a college was such a big deal.

So like, nobody was making money. The social media didn't exist. My space didn't exist. Facebook, none of that shit. So you relied on legacy media. So when didn't exist. Facebook, number shit. So you relied on legacy media. So when you went to a town, you had to wake up early and do that media.

And there was the only way people knew you were in town. Rape getting crawl space went and shot as well as. That's it. Oh, I still have to. Well, it tells what's to tell for free, Brent. Fight inside the octane, do it stand up. You guys do any pranks on stuff? Yeah.

But there was the only way to do it. Any paper. Ads and newspapers. That's what happened. So you went to, there was no, we had business. Self-promotion. Yeah. Jay Moore comedy for all occasions.

All that shit. So you could have waited to get on side of that life. Yeah. No money was making money. You wanted to get off the road. So you can make money as a TV person. Yeah, everyone wanted to get that. Nobody made money.

Yeah, there were like five, one person, two people that made money. It's so different. That's it's anyway. Anthony Clark's like a real skinny Southern comedian from Boston, though. And he's just hilarious. And he's we read like literally read a motel six along the highway in North Carolina and shit kicker town. And he's like, he would go to the pool, and he's got that long like skimmer, and he goes like, I'm gonna take a swim. And I go, well, I'm gonna go take a nap. And he goes, okay. And I go to my room at the motel six,

and the phone rings, and my first thought is like, well, one of my parents died, because there's nobody can reach me here. This is nuts. And it was Ruth Ansukonda, who was my agent. That was my agent. And she's my agent. And they're like, are you sitting down?

And she goes, you got it. I was like, oh, yeah. It was serious. It wasn't like, yeah, it was like holy shit. I know, that's what Ruth An gave me the call about, mad TV, so I remember this so well. But yeah, yeah, it's like, great. Great, great, it's phone call all the time.

So I go, let me call you guys back. I put the phone down. I'm like, I had to tell somebody, like, who can even conceptualize this this feeling So I go down to the pool and Tony's down there skim in the water and the sun's behind me and I go Tony I Just got Saturday night live and he goes well there goes that nap There goes that nap.

God, Anthony Clark. Step up to the lucky way, oh sweetheart, because I don't fucking believe it. What's he up to? Just laying on a pile of money. Really? He was hilarious. Yeah.

Anthony Clark. Dude, that's the best. And then you're first we guess at it in our life, because back then, it's like Sandler's spade. Farley. Farley. We had to get there early. It's like summertime, like knowing it's like Sandler's paid. Farley. Farley. We had to get there early. It's like summertime, like no one,

it's like school a week before school starts. Like if you know what you're doing, it's weird. And I didn't know what they're like. I'm like, what time do I come in? They're like, well you paid to be here. What time do we leave? You're paid to be here. And I'm just sitting on a couch and Jim Downey's there,

the head writer, a couple people, like some Harvard guys are over there, and Farley walks in to go to his office, and Jim Downey goes, Chris, where are you going? He's like, what? He goes, it's the new guy, Jay Moore. And Farley goes, hey, how are you? Oh, whoa.

Oh. And I'm sitting on the couch. Farley's head in my lap. During the mic. During the mic. Welcome. I just have Farley's fucking head of my lap like. He was a beast.

Roblo! That's funny. Most beautiful man I ever met in my life. He would do this apparently. I came a route to him, but he'd be taking a pee at a ballgame or something. And he'd just hear him go, that bitch! It burns! It burns!

That bitch! Ah, it burns, it burns that bitch! Ah, it burns! He, uh, whenever there was like a courtroom sketch or a classroom or like a town hall where there's like the hubbub before like the gavel. Yeah. Everyone's like, you know what I'm talking about, he'd be like,

murmur, murmur, spades gay. MUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM opens the fucking door to the bathroom like Chris, Chris, and Chris has his pants down around his ankles. He's on a toilet and he's like this. Like he does. Yeah, like he does. He just held that position for an hour. Yeah, for like an hour just for the bit. That's just waiting. He has a gun.

He has a gun. Been there. Of course. Oh, funniest human being. Ever, unless I was standing when they were gonna play, they play hide and seek and that, the first play they play hide and seek in that the first season They play hide and seek and the big joke was they weren't gonna go look for hung Tran Was that his name?

No, hung Tran's a different guy. Oh shit. What the fuck was it? Where are we? Let's come extending season one winner season one. He's a fan. He's an Asian That's that that's not that. They weren't gonna Oh man. You know, during your own train and the lots, it's no varsity. He got in trouble. Huh? I don't know. But let's circle back to the story. So fucking sure. I think it's meant Brian. Hey, so they're playing hide and seek and they weren't gonna look the big

joke because they weren't gonna look for that fan. And the cameraman follows him. He's under the movie theater curtain in the theater room of the house. And the cameraman's like, the cameraman knows the joke. And that's like, get outta here.

And they put a clock in the corner of the screen and it got to be like an hour and a half. And eventually it just comes up from under the curtain and his fucking drenched sweat and every like rich boss like they're all downstairs hanging out waiting for him to fucking figure it out and he's hiding and they're downstairs watching TV and as soon as he comes down the stairs he goes I'm never playing hide and seek when you guys again. They just fucking exploded. Fucking lost the best. He's the best.

Rich felt last time I saw him. He's done. He walks by. Literally, I hadn't seen him well. I go, I go, hey, how you doing? He walks by, he goes, he just walks by, and he goes, he's got me coffee, double espresso. And he goes, he's going like that.

And he comes back and I'm like, I understand, and he goes, little milk, too just a little milk, a whole milk, if you could just, he's right, so, he's right. He's a savage, huh? So I was with him in Vegas and we went to go see Cookie Jar in the crumbs, he was like an old lounge act.

It's just a white guy from Philly that puts different wigs on for different artists. So he's doing Teen Attorney, puts a Teen Attorney wig on. He's got a little Cassio that plays all of me, and he's good. I'm sure. So we're just sitting there.

It's me Bruce Miranoff, Mike Dean of Cola, and Rich Voss is there with like a stripperie met. And Voss goes, listen, give me a hundred dollars. I lost some of my money playing Crab's, but I'm gonna get it back. I go, you got it. I just got paid at the Paris. Which by the way was my,

people go, what was your like, holy shit, I'm in show business moment? When I got paid at the Paris which by the way was my people go What was your like holy shit? I'm in show business moment when I got paid at the Paris on the dry erase board I was between shock a clown and Tony Bennett. Oh fuck been downhill Anyway gang We're building back on that I'm a fighter and a kid right now. I'll be long I was fucking business by the time that fucking this is building is building back. So he comes back like eight minutes later, he goes, give me another hundred. So I'm like, you know what?

You got it. I hear's 200, then he leaves. And I see him coming and I'm gonna give him like thousands. I just got paid. Like this is now a science experiment for me. Yeah. And Voss comes and he's kneeling next to me at the table and cookie jars on stage.

And we're five feet from the stage and cookie jars on stage and we're you know we're five feet from the stage and I swear to God this is exactly what happened if you don't know me by now handcuff him to the chair he has a fucking sickness you never have a name That's what happened. You're a crap table. That's what you are. You're the best storyteller I've ever met before. Me?

You're the best storyteller in the world. Joey, Coco and Bert. You're the best storyteller in Joey, Coco and Bert. You're the best storyteller in the world. Yeah. I've had it all too well. I thought it was not to park as well. You're the best in the world. Also on me, podcast that we done, B.

10,000. You need to come back. Or stuff like that. You need to come back. Years, dude. All the time. And I'm not kidding. I love that.

I love that. You need to be part of the podcast. I agree. Can you make the studio closer to my house? No, but listen, yeah, actually, actually I would think about it. Oh, I got a victed one I was in rehab. Sorry, man.

I would actually think about it. Where do you look? How close to your house? Where's your house? Oh, I don't go fuck. I'll come back, of course. Fuck you're good. You're my nap time, though.

Oh, don't care. You still call me big baby for nothing. You're so refreshing. And you never stop surprising. No, you say I'm the freshman. You still call me big baby for nothing. You're so refreshing and I you never Suppra you never stop surprising. You say I'm the fresh make you're the most fucking talented If you don't get out of my ask your million question. I said alive. You're the most talented motherfucker I've ever met you might be the funniest natural naturally funniest person I've ever met Thanks, buddy. Well, you're a boner, brother. He's amazing. I've been in this business way too long You're talking about like when your son heard you just saying shit, you're doing the same. It gets even better.

You turn me into a spectator. And I'm usually the guy, you know, we're always. Thank you. I've said seven months. Because I think, yeah, I don't, but I, I don't want to talk to him. I mean, either. My son and I talk about things like, you don't realize your kids pick it. It's going to get more fun as he evolves mentally.

He and my son are in the car and these two fucking guys are walking and my son, and they have sweats on and my son goes, these guys and their boners sweat pants. It's like there's only one player. I'm the only one he ever heard that one. Yeah, it's everyone. Don't, I don't know. And no more, I want to save it for the next podcast we do.

Oh, we're done now? Yeah, I want to keep this special. No, because we could keep, we are getting on a fight companion. There's a lot of you to do. I don't want to do your failed spin-off shows. No, no, no, no, one's a big one. No, people listen. Cops, come on. Come on, just come on, cop.

No, I'm in. Fuck, you're great. We love you, Jaymore. I love you, buddy. God damn it. You chopping up before. Yes, that was nice, buddy. Yeah, thanks, man.

I'm proud of you. Yeah, I missed you, brother., thanks man. I'm proud of you. Yeah, I missed your brother You're the guy I'm proud of you. Welcome. I said I always said Comisch can be so mean to me, but I always defend Jay cuz you so nice to me my first target the best those little people You don't forget you and Dan cook. I love Dan. Yeah, Dan cook the defeat a lot of day I love Dan's nice to me. I just love I love that I'm a certain age where I have I've spent a lot of time I've known you a long time and I love you. And I feel I weigh about Dane, I feel I weigh about people,

I've known for this long and this strange fraternity, this fucking weird stand-up fraternity of highs and lows and deep lows that I last, fucking lots of rounds. And I can't help but love. People left. You're amazing. Dude, I love you. I remember doing it in your fucking house Back in the day

My wife said that about my ex wife said it's the first guy I've ever seen you quiet around I go because he's better than I am at everything. I got like that watching Greg fifth Simmons once at the improv We were just going so good. It was orny Adams Greg than me for some weird benefit half hour half hour half hour And Greg did like this before any recovery shit It was I was just doing shit about what it's like be a have a kid and be a dad. It's all crazy And Fitz Simmons went up and was in the same genre But can Griffey Jr. Oh, he's fucking well. I was just like killer and I just did a 30 minutes of impressions I was like I had he took all the bullies out

of my fucking gun. No, another killer. And he's, I love him. Well, what's not to love about Greg? What's that? His podcast is really successful. Yeah, Greg's don't love him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm done.

You guys will get there. Yeah, thanks man. All right. God bless you. I'm in La Jolla this weekend. La Jolla comedy store Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So two shows Friday, two shows Saturday, one shows Sunday. Your boys working on Sunday. The Work's coming down. Do a guest spot. All right. I do a guest spot in Belfast. What the fuck really?

I got nothing but comedy works in a month. So I'll see you at comedy works in Denver. My mom needs 27. June 29th, June 30th July 1. That's so bad. There.I. won't love that so bad. That's so bad. That's for a photo. Yeah, fucking. J.More, I love you, man. You're the best. Do I get to plug my shirt? Yeah, of course. Which, what do you have a website? I saw the website, but I didn't see it.

It's under construction. Instagram. Okay. Grand Rap is LaHoya. Who gives a fuck? You know what? Well, you have to have a good time with a fuck. You miss his show, you're crazy.

Those drugs. I look nothing like that. Where's it? It doesn't at the top there's a length just go to top gym where I come Jamore doc. I'm pretty good kid boom Grand Rapids the midtown oh, yeah, you're gonna be at the whole yeah, we're gonna be there you're at the whole week after me and then oxen already got moved So yeah, I don't really I'm know what? I regret even bringing it up. Oh God bless everyone.

I love you. You're the best. Japanese folding. You're a fucking new one. It's the ADT Safety Days event. And that means you can get a special offer on a safer, smarter home. Because ADT believes everyone deserves to feel safe. Have your system installed by our security experts or do it yourself with a self-setup system featuring no long-term

contracts and free shipping. And now all ADT systems feature Google Nest products for a safer smart home inside and out. Celebrate safety days now at ADT.com slash safety. ADT brilliantly safe. Google Nest is a trademark of Google LLC. At Discount Tire, we know your time is valid. Get 30% shorter average wait time when you buy and book online. Did you know Discount Tire now sells wiper weights? Check out our current deals at discounttire.com or stop in and talk to your associate today. Discount Tire. At Arizona State University, we're committed to our student success.

That's why we've designed our online courses to utilize adaptive technology for enhanced learning. Explore more than 300 programs online from the nation's most innovative university. Visit ASUOnline.asu.edu.