The Fighter & The Kid - Jeff Dye | TFATK Ep. 1105

Episode Date: July 17, 2025

Jeff Dye is back! The guys talk Brendan's onesie story in front of Bill Burr, Jeff going in hard in the TFATK YouTube comments section, Mike Tyson stories, Jeff getting passed at the Comedy Store and his confrontation with Marc Maron, Comedy Cellar stories, Jeff being open about having a vasectomy, a debate about AI and the simulation theory, current events around the world and much more!True Classic - True Classic - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/fighter ! #trueclassicpodMagic Mind - https://magicmind.com/JOYMODE - https://tryjoymode.com and enter code: Fighter at checkout for 20% OFF your first order or 30% OFF your subscriptionDrive Fast All Gas - Enter to win my Custom 800+ Horsepower RAM TRX + $10K cash: https://drivefastallgas.com/collections/new-releasesSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Love thrillers with a paranormal twist? The entire Oracle trilogy is available on Audible. Listen now on Audible. Yes we did, cause we back at it again. It's the fighter and the kid. This is really the fighter and the kid. You know when you compliment some Armenian guy on his like Lamborghini you don't really give a shit. You know he likes it. It's a throw. I said to my father if I wore a hat I should have got a Kangal hat backwards and my father goes why are you...

He just looks at me and goes like this. I was trying to make a difference. Yeah. So I'm getting embarrassed. Going to a Robert Kelly phase. And he goes like this. Yes. And he goes like this. He goes, he goes, why are you wearing that hat?

Perfect question. Because you know, because he goes, because you think it looks good? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it you think it looks good? And I go, yeah. And he goes, it's not a great reason. I wish you'd have said it doesn't. And then I had a goatee. I grew a goatee. I come back from Italy and he goes, you're going to keep that?

I said, what? He goes, this stuff. I go, yeah. He goes, I go, you don't like it? And he goes, it's not you. Yeah, that's great. I love that. That goes a long ways being direct with people. You know, your boy, Kev, the big tall guy that creeps out chicks, you know, the handsome guy. So that guy, one time I see him, I said, I go up to him.

I go, I didn't even know him. I walked up to him. I said, I say, Kev, good looking guy. You seem funny. You seem nice. Seems like you got a good reputation around here. Untuck your fucking ears from your hat. And he was a little shook by it, like he was like,

you know, like he was like in his mind, like in his mind he was thinking like, should I fight this guy? And I was like, no, I'm helping you out. But he also knows. I was like, yeah, because he, I guarantee he tucks his ears in his like, I should I?

Ah, fuck it, I'll do it. Dude, he was wearing like a thin tiger's hat and it was like around it, and I just wanted to help him out I was like just untuck the fuck what a good guy and you know, I've seen a hundred times since he never has the ears I hate when you were right. Yeah, dude. I were a jumpsuit. You know, I love I love like those mechanic jumpsuits Let's go. Let's go. Yeah, we're going. Yeah ready. I wear those mechanic jumpsuits all the time. You know, I remember or one of the comedy store and it's Rogan, Hinchcliffe, Bill Burr, everyone. Even I remember right before I want you wearing this. Yeah. And you were there and right in Chris

is there, Theo, it's packed and I walk in and even before I walk in like, Oh, jumpsuit might've been a bad idea with this group. So I walked in and go, I'm going to do, they're going to tell me, Oh bro, I'm getting lit up. I'm getting, hold on, I'm gonna they're gonna tell me Oh bro. I'm getting lit up. I'm getting well, hold on I'm getting destroyed and wrote and and I go what the fuck fucking? Chappelle war jumpsuit on a special one was whoa You're not Chappelle and then and I'm like, oh god and I see burr I'm like, oh god, he's gonna give it to me the worst and Burr stuck up for me

Yeah, shut the fuck up who gives a fuck what he wears. Well, that's doesn't matter Yeah, he's a weird time. I know you're Chappelle. Yeah, I was like, shut the fuck up. Who gives a fuck what he wears? It doesn't matter. He's like, what are you talking about? No, you're a Chappelle. I was like, yeah, what, Burson. Yeah, but he also said. He goes, and then he defends me, he goes, but he does look like he works on Broadway. And I forgot what I meant. He didn't hit you with a thing.

He goes, he does look like a janitor from a sitcom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I will say, I don't know how. You got away with that. You're not every few days going, you know I could murder all of you with my bare hands. Well, that's kind of why he gets away with that. You're not every few days going, you know I could murder all of you with my bare hands. Well that's kind of why he gets away with it. That would just how I,

if you were addressed to the green room, I would be like, I dare you to say something to me. Just open up. Do you not know what I'm capable of? It's true. Oh, a heavyweight was able to defeat me, but you are fucking pussies who tell funny jokes in green rooms, stoned.

I'll destroy you. I'll lock the door and just spank everybody. I'll tell you what, how about each of you take turns giving me an insult and watch how fast that fucking is over. That's how I always say to guys, so he could kick my ass so easy. I go, he could fuck you. What do you mean kick your ass? He could fuck you.

He wouldn't beat you up. He could spank you, then fuck you. You know how bears don't kill you right away? They just kind of fucking mess with you. Yeah, just give me a little shove around. He'll eat your ass. He'll just eat your ass. I have a whole joke about that.

I want to be a big guy so I can... You know when you're in the pool? You can just put another dude, a smaller guy, on your shoulders against his will. Sure. And just turn him into a fucking feta right away. Also, if I was him, I would just verbally remind people. I go, hey, I know you're trying to do a thing right now about my fucking outfit.

I could murder you. What is your modern instincts to talk to a man like me like this? He did this to me. My wife and I, it was like when my baby was first born. This is literally. This is in Santa Monica. Dude, you know how long ago this is?

20 years ago? It's 16 years ago. It was 16 fucking years ago. And he comes to my house and he was living in the marina and I had this really nice house in North Carolina. It was cozy. That's what it was. It was cozy.

And my wife and I were swilling red wine from long stem glasses and we were both in robes. Watching like the sopranos or some shit. And we were all like cuddled up watching something and just, we were watching our shows. It's 10 o'clock in the morning. And she had her toes all like squeezy, squeezy and some furry, furry. And I was like, and we were making this noise,

and like, and Brennan had to drop something off. And we just like the door, knock on the door and we both answered the door. Yeah, why'd you both answer? We're in bare feet, I think he was in boots. It was very exciting to have company. Yeah, we both answered the door like, hi. And we're both standing there.

I think the same guys look at both of them like. We're in our bare feet and he's in fucking boots so he's even taller and he's looking down on us and like, and he's like, here, I'm here to pick the thing up or whatever and I'm like, yeah here goes and he's just stand there Look at us and I go what he goes, you know, I could kill you Because I could just go like that to both your head just walk. Yeah, and he walked off and I was like I was like my wife was like would you let him do that? I go I wouldn't have it. We let him

I wouldn't have a choice I wouldn't have a choice. I wouldn't have a choice. I'm not afraid of shop because I have tons of guns. But I'm also a nice guy. I don't mess with the bear. I go, he could kill me and move in and then raise our kids and you'd say nothing. You would get no choice. You would like it, honey.

By the way, you'd end up having to like it. You'd have to. It wouldn't be terrible. No. It's pretty fun. It's not bad. Once the killing's over, it's actually good. I would be talking to cars and shit if I was him. Like, you know, I could destroy a car.

They can't even talk back. You're younger. You're way younger. You're smoother. You're bigger. This is better. Dude, I love that post you did on that baseball. Is it a baseballism?

What is that company? I don't know. What is... Oh yeah, baseballism. They'll send you a ton of stuff. Really? Yeah, I was looking at the stuff. Because usually when your buddy posts promotional shit, you're like, okay. No, I didn't get paid for that. It was legit, man.

I wear their stuff every once and again just because they've got like... What they do is, you know, baseball is pretty strict about their rights. They're like, without express written consent of Major League Baseball. You've heard that your whole life. Big time. So they're like real sticklers about suing anyone that uses anything. That's why I'm surprised John Boy and these companies get away with all this stuff. But anyways, so they'll find anything that's baseball adjacent that isn't like Major League

Baseball. So like the movie Major League or Sandlot or- Ken Griffith swing or- Ken Griffith. Or on the bubble gum. The part on players and stuff like that. So yeah, they just sent me a bunch of stuff because I always wear their crap or Field of Dreams. They have a lot of Field of Dreams stuff. Yeah, they're cool. So yeah, they just sent me a bunch of stuff because I always wear their crap or feel the dreams They have a lot of feel the dream stuff Yeah, they're cool. They sent me the all the stuff you're like your boys would love it. Love it. Yeah, dude

Baseball in Texas is so serious. Is it it's serious. Oh, is it more fun or I? I'm not you know, so Cal baseball's, you know, they have the most MLB players out of any other state in the country. So the programs out there are great. The program we were in was a good starter program and they had some really good players. But where we moved to, it just so happened, eight minutes across the street is the number two team in the nation.

And we get there and I was just like, what the fuck is this? And then I see- You could tell right away by their level of play Oh, man, I was like, holy you got tossed from a game. It was on the internet Toss from a game, but the game was over. I want to get some details on this cuz I defended you in the comments I Went to

Read those I went to war who's commenting on this stuff. Oh Jeff died. I got time, baby I tell everybody I all argue with bots Jeff died. I got time, baby. And he knows baseball. I tell everybody, I all argue with bots, bro. I don't give a shit. No one will. Arrest your bot? Yeah. So what happened was you get tossed.

Now I wanted to defend you from a friend position. You're my boy. But secondly, from just a baseball position. It's completely safe. It was. Not even close. So a manager or a coach in major league baseball, college baseball, I would say any level of baseball, some would argue there's different

rules for little league, but like you like so like if your player gets done wrong by the umpire, whether it's a ball, because that's all baseball is. Fair foul, strike ball, out safe. That's all it is. So if any of those happen to your guy, you got to go defend your guy because you don't want the player to get ejected or you don't want him to get mouthy get suspended or get fined You got to go out and do it. So sometimes managers go I got to get tossed for this Yeah, they'll know before they even go out there like yeah, I gotta go. You know for the team You gotta get I gotta get tossed so I'll go make a meal of it Sometimes they'll even side talk with the ump like you got to throw me right like you like they'll know right? Yeah, it's all these unwritten rules. So anyways you came out you didn't even do anything that egregious

I went but come on. You know he's safe man. Yeah, and he's like you're out You actually even walked like you kind of walk you were like 10 feet from yeah You're a smaller guy and apparently that's his thing like even though they're ump's after him like we're so sorry man Yeah, I had some issue with Everybody he's like like that that day makes sense I was like the distance also when he tossed you you were respectful and left like you didn't make you didn't go out there start chirping I was so embarrassed yeah I was so embarrassed cuz I'm like oh my god like it was very

strange as the coach but I was embarrassed cuz I was like I mean I don't want this to be about me getting tossed like the team really needs this win we end up winning but still you know it's it mean I don't want this to be about me getting tossed like the team really needs this wins We end up winning but still but you know it's it like I don't know if you grew up in baseball programs But like the dads were insane We had one guy named Luke Heather and ten shout out to him He could have been the greatest fucking baseball player that's ever lived he could have like walked on and like high school age for the Mariners and The reason it didn't work is cuz Luke lived like a rock star too soon.

Yeah. You know, like he was getting, he had like a photo album of all the girls tits, like from our school, like developed. Yeah. I mean, like literally like in high school. And he was just this legend of a guy. He literally, that's him, Luke Heatherington. He was so stinking good. And he was like a legend at our high school. I literally in high school asked him to autograph a baseball for me. Cause like like that's gonna be worth some money I mean to us he was there was nobody larger than this this kid looks like he still went some places Oh, he was a beast dude, and one of the most naturally played major leagues Oh, no, I don't know. He probably got drafted or whatever, but I don't think he played in the whatever mine

So maybe my early if they get drafted, you know in Well, even in college ball, the top hundred players don't make it to the MLB. Now Luke, if you hear this, forgive me. Your dad was a psychopath. This dad would literally like crash out about like all the balls and strikes. He'd be, it was like a daily thing that his dad would get like tossed from the game. And I liked it.

I was like, I wish my dad even was at this game. So the fact that you were 10 feet away from the umpire and like, and you were really respectful about it and it was a bad call, I'm guessing, right? Like you were completely terrible call. Yeah. So I thought that was strange. It was wild. Yeah.

I don't know what's going on. So you, so Texas is, is, is it more serious? Cause I know football is a religion here. Uh, no, there's, there's teams like the major teams in California. Super serious. I just wasn't part of that. The league we were in was a double A team. Well, these same age, like there's seven year old teams out here are monsters.

So it just depends what program you're in. Again, it just so happens where I moved, you know, eight minutes away, it just happens to be this monster of a program. Is he going to be a big kid, like as big as you? He's huge. He's bigger than me. Well then, he'll be fine.

Does he pitch? Yep. Yeah, he'll be fine. What's up? There's a guy named Gaddis, Pitchers for the Cleveland Indians, and I thought we'd be boys, you know? I thought he knew my comedy,

he doesn't know who the fuck I am. And I go out and I just shook his hand was like your hand I was like, oh fuck and I was like it's a he could have been a pro wrestler or something You know, and he's just like he could just hurl that baseball hundred miles an hour. It's like such a it's such a big Such a cheat code to be able to big boy. Yeah. Yeah this is a hunter Gaddis Kick his ass he was like I like I shook a hand with a bear I was like man I was kept making all these jokes I was like I'm gonna whiz it in there hope you're fucking wearing a cup you know and he's like what like I just thought like he

didn't understand that I was trying to be funny he's not having it he's like I thought the first pitch was uh was machine gun Kelly I was like yeah that pussy will be out there after me dude I'm about to whiz it in here. Yeah, it's just the level now of athletes with these young kids and they're like specialists. It's just different than when we were growing up. It's just different. Like my brother-in-law coaches, I think it's 14-year team.

And they were at this big tournament in Georgia. And I always call him and check on how's the team, man. He coaches a top level team. And he's like like we won our first game. They're really good They're one of the best teams in California and he goes but the problem is we were scouting the team were playing next He goes they have six division one commitments already and the pitcher is six six What? Wait, wait, wait, what age? 14. What are you talking about? Yeah, there's just you're just dealing with like freaks. Yeah, you give the best of the best Wait, wait, wait. What age? 14. Woo! What are you talking about? That's nuts. Yeah, it's just, you're just dealing with like freaks, man.

Freaks, yeah, yeah, you give the best of the best. Yeah, like some team from Florida, he's like, I looked at our kids, and I'm like, just do your best, man. That's wild. That's crazy. Just freaks, man. You're just dealing with absolute freaks.

You're dealing with kids, man-childs. Some kids just mature way faster. We had a kid in our school named Mike Jensen. This guy was a beast. He was like in six foot, like in kindergarten. He was like the biggest kid we've ever seen. He grew up to be, I think he's like six foot 10. Mike Jensen.

Mike Jensen. Yeah, put that in. University of Washington, Mike Jensen. Yeah, he went and played college basketball. He was a rock star. But like just being that big as a kid, he was already like larger than life. My buddy Josh Nelson peaked in high school

and he still rattled from it. I got all the girls. LeBron James when he was 14 was the best high school player in the country, I think. But he was also 6'4", 230, and just a whole different. He might be the one athlete I was way wrong about. I used to talk shit about LeBron when he was in high school because they would televise his high school games.

I was like, yeah. I'm like, yeah, but wait until he gets to the pros. He's playing against kids right now. But then he got to the pros, and this first game, he swatted someone's shot like 10 rows back, and I was like, oh, I was wrong. I was wrong about this. This guy is the real deal.

You know who I was completely off on? Was, because me and my brother collected cards, and I got a Peyton Manning rookie card, and he got Ryan Leaf. Oh, you want Leaf? I was like, I will trade you Peyton for Ryan Leaf. Peyton's going to be so much better. Or Ryan Leaf's going to be so much better. Yeah.

Way off. Way wrong on that. Way off. Ryan Leaf was a legend where I'm from, because he went to University of Washington. Yeah, Washington State. Washington State, Cougars. I wonder what that X factor is. What is it?

He talked about it. Ryan Leaf, he does some podcast stuff, and he's sober now, he helps kids out as a coach. But they had trouble, like apparently, they still can't really tell as great as you are as a quarterback, for example, in college. They can never really predict what you're gonna do in the pros. And a lot of times guys who are in college.

Especially quarterback. Quarterbacks are tough. Quarterback especially, maybe because it's just a mental thing, it takes a long time. It's just a lot. It is interesting you're talking about this. I've talked about this a bunch where it's just a mental thing. It takes a long time. It's just a lot. It is interesting you're talking about this. I've talked about this a bunch where it's like, how could Ryan Leaf be so incredible in college, like

literally threading the needle to these receivers and then be so good for this, but just not good enough for that. He's in that window of like not good enough for pro, but incredibly better than all the college players. But is that a mental thing? It could be a speed thing too. Like that, that, that window of opportunity is so much smaller in the pros. incredibly better than all the college players. But is that a mental thing? It could be a speed thing too.

Like that window of opportunity is so much smaller in the pros. So like he might be able to, he's just whatever. It's just his timing, just a hair behind. Right. Like Johnny Menzel was almost getting tackled. Unstoppable. Like by that much, like, you know, he's like evading these guys that are just a fingertip away from tackling his ass. But in the pros, sometimes,

think of Tim Tebow, like arguably the greatest quarterback of all college player of all time. And like, dude, they couldn't tackle him. Yeah. But how can he, I know his mechanic isn't, you know, his mechanics aren't like Peyton Manning's, but clearly you can still make the throws and he gets to the pros and they're like, oh, you're not doing any of that. You're not running. You're not throwing like that. And they shut them all down. It's just a different level. That was a technique thing, wasn't it?

Yeah, but still he was still able to be so successful. And also I wonder if the, because the holes close so quickly, reading a backfield, a second faster is a huge, that's what I was saying. Like the thing is like in the pros, they're, they're a whole hand faster and bigger. But some of those like Teddy Atlus was also talking about, some people can be really,

really talented, like boxers. Like they can be incredible. And for whatever reason, based on their childhood or whatever it is, when they meet resistance, real resistance, when they meet an event at Holyfield who's like, I don't give a fuck what you can do, You're going to make me a believer. You're talking about Mike Tyson. Yeah. He was saying that it was very interesting. It was like, when that happens, when they're not the bully. He said, those guys have a very good, and I'm not trying to diss Tyson here. I'm just saying

that it was a very interesting sort of thing. Cause he said, you have a very, you're very good at recognizing somebody who is that eat when you know inside that you're not that. So it's like, you're not a lawyer until, your whole game plan's out the window, but you figure out a way to fucking be a lawyer. You're not a doctor until you got a kid on your gurney bleeding from every hole. And there's nothing in the textbook to tell you

how to save that kid, but you save that kid because you find a way. Well, it's like Jim Lampley talked about, he told this story, it's in his book, he talked about how Lennox Lewis and Mike Tyson trained together for like a week or two. They trained together when they were younger and apparently Lennox put it on him. So then when they were supposed to fight,

Tyson did everything he could to avoid that fight. So when they do the press conference, remember he bites him in the leg and pierced his fucking skin. And Lampley was like, I tend to believe he did that because he knows the trouble that was going to happen. He, it was a way out. Well, nobody talks about it. Evander Holyfield was winning the boxing match against Tyson when he bit his ear.

Correct. Yeah. It's like, well, it's like, what, what a great way to keep your dog like reputation of like, everyone's just talking about that guy is crazy. No one's talking about how he was losing his skin. His ass by Evander Holyfield. kicked. By Evander Holyfield. And Evander Holyfield to me was always a better boxer. Like he even, you know, he beat up Buster Douglas

after he beat the Shetta Tyson. Like he was the guy we should all be looking at. But I love that Conor McGregor said something really interesting too. He said, when I got, like every time I said I was going to do something, if I was going to eat something, I was going to go to bed at a certain time. If I was going to train at a certain time, I was going to train a little hard, do an extra thing, and I didn't do that, it was a defeat. So every time I said I was going to do something and I didn't do it, it was a defeat.

Every time I said I wasn't going to drink and I drank, it was a defeat. So by the time I got into that cage, to me, when I was in the octagon, all those defeats culminated and I was like, I don't belong here and I shouldn't be here. When he did the opposite, he was like, oh, I'm ready. Ilya Tuporiya, you can see, works so hard when he steps in that. I think that's probably a great metaphor for life in general. You know, you look, you can do everything right and still lose, but I'm saying that, that, that is like when you do the small weak things, they culminate into a large, either weak or strong thing. Yeah.

Victories all day. All day, man. All day. It's why you see it in the book, they culminate into a large, either weak or strong thing. Yeah. Victory's all day. All day, man. All day. It's why you see excellence people who are at the top of their game. They're disciplined as shit about everything.

My routine is disgusting. Damn right. I'm telling you. It's like, it's wild. Even now that you're sober? What's that? Even now that you're sober? I mean, it's like, it's so regimented.

It's gross. like that way. Yeah, but good for you. I had a girl come stay at my house in Los Angeles, and she's a delight. She's, there's nothing wrong with this woman. She's incredible. And I couldn't wait to have her out of there. Because I gotta get back to what I do.

Like, I have this, I just literally have, I eat this, I work out, I go do this, I'm doing this, then I go to the comedy club, then I do, after the comedy club, I make myself my little bullshit at night, then I do my little night routine, and then I watch YouTube, and then I fall asleep, then I wake up and hike, and I have this whole thing. You can see it though, on you.

Yeah, it's a night and day thing with you. Well, thank you, and everything was off with her there. She's like, what are we gonna do now? And I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're gonna do now, I got a day thing with you. Well, thank you. And everything was off with her there. She's like, what are we going to do now? And I was like, I don't know what the fuck you're going to do now. I got a whole thing I do. Did you start cleaning your house? I'm a schedule.

My house has never been dirty. That's what happened when I was younger and a girl was there, and I'm a lovely lady, but I just wanted to get on with my day. I'd be like, I'd start cleaning the house. I'd start just cleaning. I'd be like, I gotta get in there. And hopefully they'd pick up the message.

Yeah, but I could never be rude. I felt terrible, because I was not being that kind I'm just doing the face just like this thing that was there that I was like, I can't do this you started doing the fake y'all like What's the Wi-Fi password am I god damn it you know the Wi-Fi pass She's like give a charger. I was a kid. I got a charger for you. You know, you didn't bring a charger I'm a drawer. I'm cold. Do you have a hoodie? I can work, yeah, I got a charger for you. You didn't bring a charger. Can I get a drawer?

I'm cold. Do you have a hoodie I can wear? I go, fuck it, I gotta go up to my hoodies. This is not in the routine. Yeah, but she did nothing. She was just being a person. You can't fuck up the routine, man. This summer, Pluto TV is exploding with thousands of free movies.

Summer of cinema is here. Feel the explosive action all summer long with movies like Gladiator, Mission Impossible, Beverly Hills Cop, Good Burger, and Transformers Dark of the Moon. Bring the action with you and stream for free from all your favorite devices. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Yeah, but I'm very regimented about all this. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. Yeah, but I'm very regimented about all that stuff. Brother, we haven't seen you,

it's what I think were the biggest moments of the year, but you got passed by the comedy school. Yeah, I'm very excited about it. I think I'm the only person on record that has it being filmed of me getting passed. Yeah. That social media guy was on it. That wasn't my team or anything.

No one in my crew knew that I was gonna get passed. Yeah, no clue. No. Can I just bring up one thing? Like, because I, I, you posted on Instagram, so I thought it was interesting. There was a picture of you talking to Mark Marin. Oh, dude. Yeah. Did you have beep with him or something? So all that happened was that I, when I was in open micro, Mark Marin was very rude to me. And I went on Burt Kreischer's podcast and I was trashing Mark because I was just trying to make a point that on Mark Maron's podcast, when I listen to it, he'll be like, I'm going to make up an artist, but he would say like, I met Jimmy Page and he was a fucking asshole. And I was like, I thought it was interesting that when he meets his heroes and they're rude, he doesn't draw a correlation about how he treats people that meet him when I was a young comic

I met him and it didn't go the way I had hoped and it pissed me off and I've been holding on to that forever And something mayor went on Bert Kreischer's and Bert Kreischer brings this up Yeah, and Bert just goes like just I was in here trashing you I was like Bert Don't bring it up like that Yeah and then Bert was but then to Bert to try to explain it a little bit and Mark Maron just dunked on me and was like, I've never heard of him.

I don't even know who the fuck this is, which was funny. I believe he probably didn't know. And also, but he kind of proved my point that he doesn't care. Like he looked rude by saying that in my opinion, but all the comments were just, you know, fat female comics and like door guys that are like, yeah, Jeff Dye sucks, so that kinda hurt my feelings. And then also, I thought it was interesting,

one of the guys goes, oh, did Jeff Dye get his feelings hurt, and I was like, yes! Yeah, it sucks, man. Yeah, that's why I brought it up, my feelings got, I have feelings, they were hurt, that's the whole point. That's why all this time later, it bothers me. Yeah, it bothers me. So anyways, long story short, Mark Maron comes up to me

at the Comedy Store and he's coming right at me and he's looking at me. You're in the hallway there. So it's like a shark coming at me. I go, oh, it's gonna happen now. By the OR? Yeah, by the OR. Just got past like that week and he comes right up to me

and just, I as a smart ass, I said, hi, I'm Jeff Dye. Cause he said he comes right up to me and just I as a smartass I said hi I'm Jeff Dye because he said he'd never heard of me, he doesn't know who I am and then he kind of smirked and then he goes you want to talk about it and I was like yeah I mean I also grabbed him by his arms and I said hey dude you don't have to do this I'm giving you the out right now it was just me I got my feelings hurt like you said it didn't go my way and I wished it would have because I looked up to you and it's okay. We don't have to do this. He goes, nah, I think we should. And we talked and we hashed it out for about 15 minutes. I told him everything. He, uh, he was upset because I went on Kevin Brennan's

and called him a smug prick. And he goes, I'm fine with that. I am a smug prick, which he chuckled about. He has a great sense of humor about it. Great like attitude about it. He was more upset about what Kevin Brennan's, Kevin Brennan is will go hard. Savage. And Kevin Brennan's like, that's why his girlfriend died, you know. And I didn't say any of that. But I'm also not gonna defend Mark on that podcast when he's being, you know. So I just kind of stayed quiet. Good for Mark for making it right.

Yeah, and he was really good. It went really well. It was very nice for me. Probably better for me than for Mark. Mark just was aware of me for the last few weeks. So long story short, my favorite part was Mark got a big smirk on his face and he goes, this went better than I thought it would. And I was like, yeah, it did. And we shook hands and we're good.

That's awesome. Yeah, that's all I wanted in the first place. Yeah. Do you realize that's all this is? Yes. We just want to be included in the Re place. Yeah. Do you realize that's all this is? Yes. We just want to be included in the reindeer games. We want to have like some mutual friendship. Have you guys seen the movie Empire Records?

Yes. With Adam Sandler? No, it's with Liv Tyler. I'm not sure who else is in the movie. Is that girl from? I said yes and I have. Oh, that Bridget Jones diary? Yeah, yeah, that her.

I thought you were talking about with Brendan Fraser? No, no, it's different. Empire Records. You're thinking of Airheads. Who's in it? No. Liv Tyler. Just put it on real quick.

The cover box, they'll recognize it. This movie. You seen this? No. All right, if you haven't seen it, don't worry. I'll tell you the scene. Listen to this. So these are cool kids who all work at this record store.

And it's like they're the coolest kids, they're funny, they're hot, they've all got their own little drug addictions and their little sexual things and they work at the coolest place. And there's this one kid named Warren. And he's this punk kid that goes to high school with him, he's probably an underclassman or something. And he always keeps coming into the record store

and he's got a shitty little attitude. And his name's Warren, he's played by whatever actors, probably, doesn't matter. Warren comes in and at the end of the movie, little attitude and his name is Warren he's played by whatever actors probably doesn't matter Warren comes in and at the end of the movie Warren comes in with a gun and he's like shooting rounds in the place and he's like think you guys think you're so fucking cool and they're like whoa Warren like what's going on he goes look at you you think you're so fucking great and he they're like is that it Warren do you just want to work here's like, no, that's the problem with you guys.

You think you're so fucking cool, but now I'm in charge. Shootin' the place. And then he's like, Warren, if you want to work here, you can work here. And he's like, well, why would he hire me? You know, like especially not now. And they're like, we could probably figure it out, dude.

Is that it? You want to work here? And that's all, anything you've ever heard me say about Marc Maron or the comedy store, it's just, I just wanted to be included. I wanted the store to say, hey dude, you're in. You know, you're- It's amazing how you didn't get included in the,

as funny as you are, and to think of the people that got passed from what I've heard in the past- The four, Jeff. Five years, that's how much- You'll hear me talk to you. Like you've been a sort of by-roast. I assumed you were passed. And to think of the people that got passed from what I've heard in the past five years. That's how much I assume you were passed. I assume you were passed. Yeah, a lot of people did. But Rose is the difference maker. She's awesome.

She's awesome. But it's all like any insecurity, any like whatever where you go, oh man, like I've heard you trash the store before. It's like, yeah, I'm a little boy that has not been included. I just wanted to be there. And even with the comics that are talking shit, they, you know, they've all taken their shots at me. When I see them in person, they're all like, yeah, sorry, man. Yeah, of course. All of them are not that obviously physically I can threaten them. I don't do, I've never

done that in my life. All of them are super cool. Yeah. All you, you name it. Name me when you see on the internet. When I see them in person, yeah, I'm so happy. I don't remember. I think what happened to comedy is also politics got into the clubs. And that never was the case when I was coming up. It wasn't good. We were thinking about trying to be funny. And now you've got these teams.

Like, you know, the woke brigade tried to break into comedy. Problem is they're not funny. They're humorless. Yeah, they're humorless But I think that was their opportunity like whether they're on the left or right that was their opportunity To get rid of whatever side these good comments on it was their opportunity to get rid of them or make sure that they had Their shot women ruined it. That's what it is. I'll be they'll take the bullet here. Listen in In Hollywood before any of us were in show business, the big problem

was that men ran everything, right? So they go, that's the problem with Hollywood, it's a bunch of men making decisions. And it probably was. Business was booming. Business was booming. It probably was. Business was a booming. A bunch of guys objectifying women and then giving their buddies the roles, right? Probably. I don't know, I wasn't around. I was around and that is exactly what it was, yeah. Okay. Well, now the answer to that problem would probably be like put some women in power, mix it up. The answer isn't to just only put women in power. And kill all the men. So now

it's the opposite problem. Now you just have women running everything. Comedy Central's ran by four women. The Zanies is booked by a woman, it's managed by a woman, the comedy stars, Emily and her rag-tag group of lesbian comic friends, they're just running it all. They send my special over, they go, oh, I don't know, I don't think Samantha liked your special. Like, oh, he did, oh, really? Did Samantha not like Jeff Die's special? Samantha, whoever that is, she's never made it big enough.

Of course, the answer isn't all all women Emily wasn't always like that That's what's weird like people a lot of people to be nice to me Emily used to be my girl. She was awesome Yeah, I still have nothing but respect for well I don't have any respect for but she's some really not I still do but something's happened I don't like during that whole COVID thing. It's just if like it was like this almost Brainwashing and you're psyched something happen. Yeah. I don't know what it was. I mean, I'm guessing it's my politics or maybe like the girls that she was friends with, like they were

in her year of like, he's a bad guy. We don't want him, but whatever it was that Emily had against me, she also had it against Trevor Wallace, Matt Reif, Shane Gillis. There seems to be a pattern here. You know, like that seems pretty prejudice to straight white guys. I mean, I don't

want to put a label on it. I hate when anyone plays a victim on that shit. What happened there? Did she get fired? Oh yeah. They let her go and there's a new booker. I even sent her a nice text. I was like, listen, I just, you know, I'm not running around celebrating that you're not here anymore. Like I like Emily. Yeah. I thought she was a delight.

She was a very like nice chick, like back in the day. And then at one point she just said, I'm not even gonna, I could be in front of her and go, hi Emily, nothing. I sent her a long voice memo when I was going through my steps in AA, like to make amends. And since she wasn't gonna talk to me, I was like, it just sent like a voice memo,

we going, hey, you know, I've been a drunk asshole a million times. I've also said drunk asshole things I've done. I've misrepresented myself a lot even though I'm a good guy and I just wanna let you know No reply. I know she listened to the voice memo it disappears So just worse like that's why I don't respect her is cuz he could at least send like a thing back Maybe she didn't know how to handle I'm just say thanks for the apology I you know, I don't forgive you like whatever like you could send anything, but just to go, just to ice me out. Yeah, me too, me too.

Yeah, she was like my ride or die, and then she had, so much happened with her, I mean, she got the Bronco, the Sport, not the Raptor version Bronco, but she had the Sport, they came out first, and she was asking me questions about the Bronco, and I was like, oh yeah, this, and then someone backed into it

while I was at the store, we were all hanging out there. I'm like, oh, don't worry, I can fix it, and she's like, oh yeah, this and then someone backed into it while I was at the Start the store. We're all hanging out there. I'm like, oh don't worry. I can fix it and she like no I got it Don't touch it. I'm like, all right, what's happening? Yeah, and then that boom whatever that was whatever that boom I was like Oh, no. Yeah, it's very strange. There was like a chapter. I was scared my political shit I know that a lot of people don't like my politics or whatever like you were saying like it's weird that now there's these two Camps which shouldn't exist. They can fuck right off. I know, it is dumb. Anybody like that can fuck right off if that's the case.

Yeah, it's so silly. I'd be friends with a fucking socialist even though I think they're wrong. Well, and also my whole career, I've just listened to a bunch of gay and liberal shit and I'm fine with it. I go, yeah, I'm in comedy. There's gonna be, there's gonna be,

they don't ask me if I agree. It's always an insecurity, it's an insecurity. It's like you just. But then, if you're running the comedy store, you don't get it twisted. It happens to be a bar that puts comics up. Like, they have to sell tickets. Ah, thank you.

So then they go, shit, this woke stuff's not working. And I know we have they, them on the lineup, but they were not selling tickets. Yeah, that's the difference. And then two years goes by and they're like, man, we're in the negative. What's the difference? Yeah.

I don't know. But yeah, that's, and then they go, what are we going to do? And then someone goes, hey, remember like five years ago when we just booked the best comics, male, female, like white, black, Korean. Remember we didn't care.

We're actually making the most money we've ever made. That's what I will say about Rose. Yeah, let's go back to that. It's like obviously anyone listening to this is gonna go, well, of course, Jeff likes Rose because she passed him at the store and she likes his bullshit. But here's the thing, Rose doesn't care if you're a left leaning, right? She wants you to move tickets and she wants you to be funny. Yeah.

And that is pretty old school thinking. She's running a business. Like why is the mothership crushing Son of Every Night? There's no politics. You good? Are you good? Yeah, but my pronouns, we don't give a fuck. You tell good jokes?

We don't care. People buy, we'll entertain. Okay, go. That's right. That's why this is exactly. Yeah, audience is like, maybe if I could just know who they were fucking at night. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Maybe I'd identify with this comedian more if I know where he lodged his blood filled genitals at the were fucking at night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I'd identify with this comedian more if I know where he lodged his blood-filled genitals at the end of the night. Yeah, we went so crazy. It just, the world went so nuts. Yeah. The LA Times was calling the Comedy Store back then asking what the lineup was.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And to be fair to Emily, young girl, she has the reins has the reigns of the comedy store and you got Ellie times calling. She's like, fuck man, what do I do? You know? Eh, maybe. Well, I know what, you know, we would have done, but also, you know, who knows?

I really liked Emily back then. I met her when she worked at Comedy Central and she was very sweet to me. Yeah, I still do. And, uh, something changed. All good. Well the state still do. And something changed. Yeah. All good. Well, the state of comedy is alive and well. See, so how's Austin been, boys? Great.

That's been great. Yeah, took a little bit, you know, took a little bit. How bad, what do you mean? I mean two weeks. Two weeks, yeah. Two weeks. That's not much. But those two weeks were stressful.

Still. You know, I was like, oh, I made a mistake. No. But then the, you know, everyone tells you you, oh, for the kids and all this. But me and my wife walk around the neighborhood every night. I'm like, I can't believe we fucking live here. It's pretty cool. It's like pleasant.

Some people get addicted to that feeling. Some people will literally move every few whatever. You see these girls who don't have any person in their life, so they just travel the world. That eat, pray, love bullshit. Because you can reinvent yourself. It is a fresh start. You make new routines which is exciting.

I would say take the road less traveled or take a different route to work because that makes life very exciting. So be doing it. It's a great idea for your family. It's a great idea for you. Yeah. It's great. I love it.

Yeah, it's been great. And also family. It's scary for sure. It's a great idea for you. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. I love it. Yeah, it's been great. And also there's the, like, you guys aren't poor. So if it, if it sucks, you can leave. You'll find a new place. Yeah, definitely does it. And I, I.

Worst case scenario, you go, we move back or we go to somewhere else. That's the worst thing. And I think the misconception is like, oh, you know, we moved here. I moved here because of the mothership or Rogan and stuff like that. I'm not really in that scene anymore.

I moved for the safety and the sports and the sport. Yeah. And all that. Yeah. Which is great. Yeah. Like I'm not in that world anymore. Yeah. When you're coming back, that's the question.

I can't see myself doing it. Never? No, I can't. Really? Me neither. I actually don't miss LA. I mean, I do. I didn't say when he's come back He said when he's come back to comedy. Oh

Brows like me neither ever Wait, hold on what happened today? Yeah, I quit today. Well, you know that old Craig Robinson thing He said he quit comedy and he went viral. He was like on all the like tabloids. It's not real. He's fucking around I think that's a bit. How's he doing? He's good, he looks great, he's lost weight, he's all jacked. He's a big, big, big guy. Yeah, but he looks fantastic. In fact, so much that I think Craig Romsoply

thinks I'm gay or something. Because the last 10 times I've seen him, I'm like, you look great. He's like, cool man. Thank you, thank you. He's wearing a cowboy hat around, and I'm like, hey, you know, I got a shake of hand for this.

He's one of my favorites. He is a big man, actually. He used to be. You should see him lately, man, he looks got to shoot for this. He is a big man, actually. He used to be. You should see him lately, man, he looks trim as hell. Damn. He's awesome, though. Yeah. But he said he quit comedy, it's not real.

I don't believe it. I didn't believe it either. And if I'm wrong, I'll admit I'm wrong, but like I was under the impression it's a total bit, and my buddy Enrique, if I am wrong, it's Enrique's fault. Didn't, I thought Maren stopped his podcast. No idea. Who?

Mark Maren. Really? He's been, you know, he's one of the OGs. And then eventually he was like, I'm just kind of over it. But then on my fucking Apple, like new episodes are popping up. What could you be over it about talking to your buddies for a bunch of money? Yeah. Yeah.

Like, I mean, like not every podcast makes a bunch of money. All good things come to an end. This is the scroll engine so I can read. I don't have superman. Who is this Marin or is this? This is Baron. The end is a knife for most generally speaking, but once really the end of the podcast is coming in

and in the fall. Oh, interesting. Brendan and I, not me, I understand that only reason we would stop the show was if one of us is ready to stops that happened for both of us We're tired people burnt out. He's been doing it for fucking hell and he's been acting and doing a lot of stuff stand in big movies He is a good actor. Gotta give the devil is due. Yeah, it's great I got a great mark marron anecdote or not anecdote, but like a thing He I think he would like to hear so occasionally a person in the audience will say something that like is is a

perfect moment you know so Mark Maron's up there this is in 2008 he's on stage at Giggles Comedy Club and he's doing his bit and he had this bit at the time where he was like I yell at my girlfriend but I just yell at her you know and I'm my neighbors you, they can hear us yelling. So whenever I go out to the mailbox or I go to the trash can, I can sense that my neighbors are looking at me like, oh, that's the piece of shit that's it. And so I just go, I'm not hitting her, you know, which was the punchline for the thing. And it's got this great pop, it's an interesting little story.

And then someone in the audience heckles and goes, I could help you with that. And you just watched Mark get furious. Like, oh, what are you gonna fix me, guy? You know, what are you, a fucking therapist? You want to, oh, you can help me with that? And the guy just goes, I install Windows. And the whole place just pops, and even Mark Maron, like in this charming way,

it was like, oh, you really can't help me. You're just going to install windows. I installed windows. It was beautiful. Dude, I was at the comic store one time and Mark, man, he's closing or something. I went on before him and then there's these two drunk, big Australian dudes in the front hammered.

And Mark's doing his thing and he keeps, all right fellas, calm down. And then he starts tearing into him. And then he goes, ah fuck, ah fuck. He goes, because now, nah, I'm going to sit in the parking lot now. You guys are going to fuck me up. He's like, now I'm thinking about that,

I'm trying to finish my studies, god damn. And security's around, I'm looking at security, I'm like, oh man, Mark is kind of fucked. So then I, this is how much I admire Marin. I waited around to make sure those guys didn't do it. Marin doesn't man. That's really I had to get home I'm great with I've been though if those two guys tried to fuck with mark You can get through me yeah The security's like you don't remember we got this I know you because you know this fat like dude I'm like you have a gun he goes down like all right, man, man What are you gonna? You're gonna need me look at those guys?

Story no probably one of the most famous Jeff die things at the Comedy Cell in New York was There was a girl that just kept like being a nuisance so it became like the chatter upstairs like there There's a girl you know she's being loud or whatever so after like three comics everyone going yeah This girl wouldn't shut the fuck up or she was laughing at the wrong parts or she's just drunk. I get on stage so I'm already a little like you know when you're like ready to go you're waiting for someone to give you an excuse you know so she says something on my first joke before I could even get to the thing and I go you know what everyone upstairs hates you I don't know if you know that every comedy has come up here is talking about you and how terrible of an audience member you are.

And I want to just tell you to leave or call you a cunt, but I'm a real comedian, I'm not going to do that. And the whole place is like, you just said cunt, you know? And I go, in my head I'm going, call her a cunt, call her a cunt, but I'm not going to do it, I'm going to see if you behave for the rest of my set. And so she gets out and storms out and she's with these giant men who also storm out. So then I do my, the rest of my set, probably got, you know, probably 12 more minutes.

I do pretty good and everyone's happy that I got her out of there. They all clapped, you know? And I was like, I don't know why another comic didn't just do this before I did. So, and especially at that time, I'm like the nice comic. I'm like the smiley Jeff guy, jokes about cats. And I called this woman a cunt a bunch of times.

So I get off stage, I'm feeling all good about myself, myself about to go upstairs and drink and the security guy is this black guy Who's like putting on batting gloves? And he goes hey man stay stand by me. I was like what he goes those guys that left with her They were like giant Russian dudes. Yeah, they were like they're like they said to me. Hey, we're coming back for him They're like, they said to me, hey, we're coming back for him. And so just stick with me. They got all the security guards from the fat black pussy cat. All the door guys for the cellar, just some big black boys. And they literally lined on the street and on the other side of

the street of McDougal was these Russian dudes. Oh, they did come back. Yeah, they came back and they were just waiting. And I've never been more scared. I'm not a fight guy. So I'm just upstairs like drinking whiskey going I can't even go to my other spots at Gotham and shit because I don't want to go outside. Yeah. And so those guys, the security guys for the cellar stayed there until those guys got bored and just left. And so and then one of them... Guys were willing to come back especially Russians. Oh my god they were like ready to do

business and the they one of the security guys even walked me to my apartment, like because I lived a few blocks down on down the street, the village. And anyways, long story short, I bought them all bottles of alcohol. Oh, yeah. I was like, I was like, dude, the fact that you would fight for me is like the greatest, like that's the highest honor. I'll do anything you guys want. I remember at the comedy store. I won't say his name, but I'll tell anything you guys want. I want money. I remember at the comedy store,

I won't say his name, but I'll tell you afterwards, the comic is up there and he says to the girl, well, you're a dumb bitch, right? You're a dumb bitch. To someone in the audience? And he just, but it was a little, yeah, but it was also a little, a little bit too much. Yeah, it's not that funny.

I kind of found it disconcerting. Even the audience goes, ooh. And she goes, you should be careful, my boyfriend's a Marine. And she goes, you should be careful, my boyfriend's a Marine. And she goes, well, you're a Marine boyfriend. And I look at the Marine, and he's just this. With shithouse. And the guy on there, I was like,

you've never done a sport, you've never been punched in the face, dude. And I can tell you right now, you have a false insecurity. He goes, well, your Marine boyfriend right there is with a dumb bitch. You're a dumb bitch. Which I respect. I love his elbow down.

And then it got quiet, and he got even meaner. And that Marine was waiting outside the fucking OR, just sitting there like this. And I remember going up to him, and his back was like this. And he was a young guy. And I came up, and I said, are you waiting for, you waiting for the comic, you know, you waiting for him? And he goes, he goes, yeah, can't talk to my girl that way.

And I remember I said, I said, I understand. I don't understand, but there's zero upside to this. I promise. There's zero upside because what's going to happen if you do that is you're going to get just converged on by too many people, especially security. And I talked them out of it. Right. And I said, I'm going to happen if you do that is you're going to get just converged on by too many people, especially security.

And I talked them out of it. Really? I said, I get it. I understand. I understand you're doing this, but there's no upside to this. Take it from an older guy. Yeah.

And yeah, and he took off. Also defending the honor of your girl against some like probably drug addict comic. Yeah, but he was a young warrior who just. Yeah, no, I get the Marine more than the comic. Yeah, but he was a young warrior who just... Yeah, no, I get the Marine more than the comic. Yeah, I get the Marine. You know what I would have told him?

I would have been like, hey man, listen to this. I think you should scare this comic and just have a very direct conversation. No, because the problem was, don't beat the fuck out of this comic. There's nothing in that for you. She got up and left. I would have told the Marine, be careful man, he has AIDS.

And then just walk away. So here's the other thing I did. So he got up, he got up. You don't want to hit him, he's got monkey and left. I would tell them, Rain, be careful, man. He has AIDS. Well, so here's the other thing I did. So he got up and left. You don't want to hit him. He's got monkey pugs. He's got monkey pugs. Right. And then the girl wasn't there. I don't know.

And then he was waiting. You know Steve Howey? One of my favorite people. He's an actor. He was on, bring up Steve Howey. He's on Flawless, I think, or whatever the fuck it was. You know him? He's the best.

He's every bit of six-five, and every bit of 240 pounds. Bring him over the shirt off. He's a fucking, when he was younger, an absolute house plate college basketball. The greatest guy, did he? Just any guy that's on the internet. I go fuck my ex-girlfriend. He's the greatest. She fucks everybody. he? Just any guy that's on the internet. I go fuck my ex-girlfriend. He's the greatest.

She fucks everybody. He's the greatest, funniest motherfucker on the planet. I love him so much. He was on, he's never stopped working as an actor. And he used to be married to Sarah Sahi. Who's that girl? Why are you telling us who he's married to? All right, it doesn't matter.

So he comes to see me to stand up. Whole story. And he's sitting there there and these fucking rough looking dudes, rough looking guys are sitting at a table and I remember, you know me, I clock because I'm gay. I clock these dudes. They're just big. They're strong.

And I was like, these guys look like studs. I felt a little like, oof. And the one guy keeps looking back at Steve's girl. He just keeps looking back at her like this. And Steve's like this, Steve's fucking, you know. He's collecting his girl. Steve's a big fucking dude, so Steve's like this, going like this.

And finally the guy comes back, and all I know is, I don't know what he said, but he goes, he says something like that. And Steve goes, are you fucking stupid, dude? Are you stupid? That's my wife. And the guy gets up, and Steve gets up like this and they're about to go and She's wearing an argyle fucking sweater vest

Yeah, but he's big then and then these other guys are there and I fucking I gotta go up next Yeah, and I grabbed the guy right there in the showroom with the improv and I go. Hey, hey, hey, dude I gotta talk to you. He's a detective. He's a detective and all his friends who are also Detectives in the la pd are at the bar I he wants this and so do they if you fucking do something and actually fight him They're going to converge on you and fucking crush you and the guy sat down only keeps using converge They sat down and they fucking and that was that's all So you're just really sorry buddy like the power of lying. Yeah, yeah, but fuck off man. I had to do something They sat down and they fucking and that was that's all I

Power of lying yeah, but fuck off man. I had to do something be funny for this guy's like he's full of shit They guys from shameless. Yeah, that's right By the way, he was on TV. Yeah, they could have done that but yeah his to be fair to those goons His girl is very pretty. Oh, she's yeah. Yeah gorgeous ridiculous and also, another very successful actress. How old are these pictures? She does look good. She's gorgeous. They're not married anymore, I don't think.

No, they're not. They divorced. But he's the best. Yep, anyway, that story didn't really go anywhere. No, I love it. And he kept saying, What are you talking about? Is that a funny story?

Come on, buddy. Thanks, buddy. It's a little long. Well, you know what would be better, though, if Come on buddy. Thanks buddy. He's a little long. Well you know what would be better though if they ended up fighting but they didn't nothing happened. No no it's just you keep using this strategy of going you're outnumbered. You can defuse a fight.

He keeps lying. You can defuse a fight. A psycho would go I don't care I'm outnumbered let's fucking do this. Those guys they sat down. I think they bought him drinks actually after that. Really? Yes. I think they sent some drinks as a sorry.

I've never been able to or I've always been able to talk myself out of any like fight. Anytime it's about to go down, I've always been able to wiggle my way out of it with words. It's probably best. There's no upside man. Well I'm also, I'm not a fighter so I'm always just able to like, like I'll be like, listen man, I'm just drunk, I'm being an idiot, like let's relax. Let me get you. Sorry I said it, you know, like I'm just, I'm just trying to get a laugh over here from these guys. I remember one time that I was with, do you know Dana DeArmond, the adult film star, but she's also just like a cool chick.

She's very funny for not being a comedian, but anyway, she's a cool chick. We used to drink together sometimes. We were at this little bar called the Chimney Sweep, and she started popping off to this chick. Is that her? Yeah, she always Yeah, she has like a million different looks. But anyway, she's a very funny chick. She's very, very funny.

Anyway, she was at the Chimney Sweep. She's had a little too much to drink. She started popping off at this Latina chick. And this Latina chick starts popping off. They both just drank too much. They're just, you know, these womanly behavior. And they start getting chippy. And I see all the Latino girls' guy friends are like,

you know. Trouble. Yeah, they just, we're at the chimney sweep. These dudes are, they're fine beating the fuck out of me and letting her get beat the fuck out by this chick. And I literally just walked right up to them all getting kind of ready. And I go, hey guys, she's just drunk.

And this doesn't need to be anything. She's just drank too much and she's, you know, I guess on one or something. I don't know. I just want to let you know, she's a drunk chick. This isn't worth it. And they were like, we appreciate that. And they like shook my hand and they sat back down. They told their girl to shut the fuck up.

I went back to Dano's like, I don't know what their problem But it completely defused it cuz I was like what we're all gonna Sometimes I'm like I'm gonna get my ass kicked. She's definitely gonna get her ass kicked by this chick You know like it's like it's not a win for anybody You watching a fight videos on Twitter you start going I wonder what I'm made of but then you're like no it's not worth it Yeah, yeah getting punched in the face once like you don't ever want to do that again yeah or what happens if you fucking fall hit your head on the bar some shit and then you're changed forever yeah I break my jaw I need that or you hit the guy and he falls in his fuck yeah I that

happened I take a piss chin go for it take a break take a break time we're talking about was taking a piss you need to have kids and then chin asked you about legacy. And you said you don't buy it. Yeah, because I have me and Jeff are on the same page. It's not about legacy. That's just so fun. Oh no, I'm saying like, um, he was asking about my family name and like if that's carried on, like he's going to die with Jeff. I don't care about that. I think you just have, you would have so much fun with the kids. I love kids. You that. I think you just have, you would have so much fun with kids. I know, I love kids.

You have a lot to offer. You love people and you love sports and watching your kids grow up. It's the best. And I never said that when I was your age, so I get it. I was the same way at your age. I was exactly the same way.

I totally understand you. What do you get? I'll find some gorgeous, great woman who I love and then I'll impregnate her and we'll make a kid. It'll be the most meaningful thing that I've ever done Yeah, I could change then the kid will be three and she'll start feeling unheard and jealous of my comedy career and Who are these girls coming to your show and then that'll cause a little tension that will later Blossom into full tension and now she's talking shit behind my back by the time the kids six

She's divorced taking half my fucking money. That's what I'm my back. By the time the kid's six, she's divorced, taking half my fucking money. That could also happen. Why did I even do this? That probably will happen. Now I see the kid three days a week and I'm talking shit about his wife, I'm talking shit about his mom.

But he's a hell of a baseball player. He's a hell of a baseball player. He's meeting all the new girls coming into my life because now I'm trying to sow the oats that I lost out when I had her. That could happen. Here's the better, here's the better. Wait till you're 50 and done everything and all that, then you sign a prenup and get married.

Maybe. I mean, I haven't ruled anything out. I had a vasectomy, yes, but I froze my sperm. You can also reverse a vasectomy. And people go, yeah, it's painful. It takes a lot of time. It's like, so does pregnancy. Yeah.

So if she's willing to get pregnant. 50 is tough to have a kid. I mean, Count's the outlier. 50 is tough to have a kid. Yeah, he looks great. I'm sure he's playing with his kids all the time. He's present. It requires so much energy. It's a lot and it's life changing and I like my life. So why am I changing it? I don't understand. I've got a very good life. I guess I'm

happy. But I so you probably feel like you still have a lot more to do. Oh, tons. Yeah, I've got some goals, and I got some shit I'm trying to accomplish. A lot of material in kids, though. Sure. But I just think. How old are you, Jeff? It shouldn't be something you just do.

I'm 42. You'll get done. Listen, when it comes to true classic, see the shirt I'm wearing right now? You see how it pops my face? Dude, I knew it. It makes my face look radiant. I knew it. Radiant. I know you call this color. This is a true classic shirt. Okay. It's called skinny guys like me like shirts

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Get hooked up today, true classic. It's funny too, it's like, I want, like so many girls have been like, why would you do that? Why would you get a vasectomy? I'm like, oh, I don't know. I'd like to have babies on my terms. Yeah. Why are you on birth control? Yeah, like why, like only you get to vasectomy? I'm like, oh, I don't know. I'd like to have babies on my terms. Yeah. Why are you on birth control?

Yeah, like why? Like only you get to decide? You know, like that's not fair to me. Or you can just wear a condom. Well, but that's other things. A lot of human error. There's a lot of, you know, things happen. Yeah.

Condom? That's for pussies. I'm with you. I don't agree with them. I'm sorry, sir. Why? Why'd you bring it up? Why'd you bring it up?

You're all anti-condom. I know. I've been, you know, I've been anti-condom all my life. I asked Chen about Legacy because I watched an interview with Aaron Judge when he was like 20-something. He plays in New York City and they say to Aaron Judge, they go, you know Jerry Seinfeld, blah blah blah blah. And he's like, who's that? And they're like, Jerry Seinfeld. And they go, from the show Seinfeld, he goes, I don't know the show. He didn't know the show,

he didn't know the stand-up comedian Jerry Seinfeld, which in my mind, breaks my brain, because like Jerry Seinfeld's like my comedy Buddha. Is this Snaze thing you're saying? He's 23. 22 or whatever, when the interview happened. Here's the thing, he has his own Jerry Seinfeld. He's going to us going, you guys don't know Mr. Beast,

or whoever the fuck young people like. If that's how the world works, if you think you're going to us going you guys don't know mr. Beast or whoever the fuck young people like if that's how the world works If you think you're gonna be remembered you're not stop holding on to it You won't know but when my dad was growing up He was like nobody better than Johnny United's and they're like shut up dude is Joe Montana. It's Terry Bradshaw And he's like nah Johnny United's period related now we go Tom Brady Tom Brady everyone goes no Terry Brad or the old guys go Terry Bradshaw Joe Montana, and then we're gonna be talking about Tom Brady when it sounds so old to our kids, they're going to be like, it's Patrick Mahomes or whoever the new

little darling the only ones that stay in time are like guys like, like Abe Lincoln, George Washington, our kids still don't know dick about their mythic. They're mythical. And that's Babe Ruth is more mythology for us. Yeah, we could go on about him. But then there's like Martin Luther King. And like, even my kids, when they come home from school, I'm like, you want the real story, dude? Right.

There's like that now. I'm like, you want me to give you the real fucking story? But that's my point. Have you seen the tape of Babe Ruth, like the way he runs and stuff? Oh, yeah, it was terrible. I wonder. They didn't even have a strike zone back then.

He just would tell them pitch high to me. And they would throw it high. And he did it home runs. But he had a great eye problem. Yeah, But to be fair, they, they, uh, they did his bat speed. Like they measure his bat speed from those swings back then. And it would still be like top three now. Wow. Okay. The lot of, and Jeff knows more so than anyone. I just mean, he wasn't an athlete. He was like a skilled hitter.

Bring up Babe Ruth running bases. I was like, but what I was, what I was trying to make the point of is like, you can let go of this idea that they're going to make a statue of you and you're gonna be revered. No, I think it's more important when you have kids, you know, so like, you know, but then eventually that's even get phased out

because then they have kids, they have kids. And then it's like, oh, great grandpa was a beast. And they're like, I don't give a fuck, dude. You know, it's like, what? Well, like a beast. And they're like, I don't give a fuck dude. Well, like even like, like thinking about you walk by someone's statue. That's a home run trial, right? But he had a home run. Yeah.

It's already out of the park. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, there's a lot of stats they can do now that he was a monster. Yeah. Fat monster. But there's some big baseball players.

I get this weird swing. And then you just get hammered right after. Uh, what was I going to say? So my point is just like, people think this idea that like, you're going to be revered and remembered. I find a lot of peace and letting go of that and going like, it's okay. You don't have to, no one needs you to be Tom Brady. No one needs you to be my, it's, it's okay.

Like, like you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you's okay, you don't have to, no one needs you to be Tom Brady, no one needs you to be Mike, it's okay, like, your statue's just gonna get bird shit on it and people are gonna walk by and go. I think it's different if you have kids. Yeah? Yeah, a little bit. A little bit, you wanna be. How they hold onto you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then what they do with it, it's whatever, but at least you did your part with them, you know? Just enjoy your life, live in the moment. Like you want them to think Dad's Superman, but at least you did your part with them. Yeah. Just enjoy your life. Live in the moment. Like you want them to think Dad's Superman. Now it doesn't mean Dad has to have a fucking statue or a banner up that fucking Wrigley Field, but even if that UPS work, if he's a damn good dad, they're still going to think he's Superman.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, but I just let go of the whole legacy thing. The whole thing of thinking that we need to carry on our family. The grand scheme of things that does not matter. We're just a fucking grain of sand. Someone will later live in my home and they won't know who I was. That's right.

Someone will later walk these streets. No one's, yeah, they might see a picture. Is that all saying, say, who is the philosopher? Say never that I lost something, only that I gave it back. Yeah, that's good. That's what we're here for a short time. Enjoy it. You know, borrowing this for now.

And that makes me happy to not worry about needing a statue. Or depressed. No, it doesn't. No, this matters. I remember when I remember we, you and I were doing a show in like brand together when we're doing fire and the kid live. This is fucking 12 years ago. Right.

You are driving there and will hold will SASO and he has anxiety. And he was like, man, I just like sometimes when I like it space, man, I realized how fucking small he called you to tell you that. No, he didn't know I was in the car. I'm just like, and he has he had like this big audition. He's like, and I put in perspective. I look at Earth. I look at the moon. I'll get Saturn. I think what do the fuck here? He's like breaking down by Molossier. And I was like, okay.

But also, is that like? Just recently, he's in Italy, and he goes, I'm going to a museum. I get this text, I'm like, all right, whatever. He just sends bright pictures of dicks. I just get dick pics from the museum. Literally, 20 dick pics. Just every statue.

It's hilarious. And he's still sending them to me. Keep going. Well, I was just trying to say like that, but like it is all pointless, but that's also what makes it kind of cool. Like, it's like everything is rewarding, but it's also pointless. Like, don't worry about it. Are you also a guy that subscribes that we're in a simulation?

No. I hate that. Only rich fucks say that. No, I've never heard a normal person say that. Rich fucks don't say that. That's just what scientists say. No, it's not true. Elon Musk. No, no, it is true No, it's not true. Elon Musk. I don't know, it is true, but it's not rich. It's like a scientific theory. It's not because they're rich. Like theoretical mathematicians and physicists all say that.

It's not about being rich. Name one. Name a real famous one that has a huge pocket. Is this like Bitcoin where you're going to try and fucking explain to people that you can't? Like those guys have a ton of theories. But I'm sorry, to get to the masses. Also, simulation for who? For what? What are you saying? Simulation for what?

Like what does it mean? What's the framework? What do you mean it's a simulation? It's so vague. They're also going by numbers, saying like everything's a number. Where a vibration and a code, okay. Yeah, but also the idea is that

we're already making simulations, right? So we're already making virtual reality is becoming so real. So if you were to extrapolate it out, if you keep going in that direction, it may have already happened and somebody's already running a computer program. Now, that doesn't mean it doesn't jive with religion because in all... I'm not worried about how it jives with religion, it sounds like nonsense. The idea of most religions, whether it was Christ, or it was the Vedas or the Buddhists,

they all say this is Maya, this is an illusion, this isn't real anyway, right? There's a reality behind the reality. And that would be the idea behind Buddhism, that'd be the idea behind the Vedanta, it'd certainly be the idea in many ways behind Christianity. It's like this is not the Kingdom of Heaven, the Kingdom of Heaven is somewhere else, right? And the Greek philosophers kind of said that.

Soted in some ways Kant, who said you can't really see reality because you have a limited visual apparatus. I believe that we have a limited visual apparatus, but I don't see how that comes back to us being in a simulation The simulation would make it seem like it's all like a like a I'm an avatar for like this Computer this larger thing that I don't understand, but then that would just mean you're just playing with the word simulation Yeah, nothing really matters I would say if you're I would say to investigate it a little bit, and one of the places to start is

the last guy was on Rogan. Really interesting. It's not like heady, it's not like scientific. It's actually a really interesting, cool theory. And the way they make the argument for it is pretty fascinating. And a little bit mind blowing, it does fuck you up a little bit.

Because the argument, you know, like if you listen, like Rogan was listening to it and he'd been thinking about it. And he's like, the argument is pretty fascinating and might be the missing link between quantum and Newtonian physics, right? So the idea of how little things like electrons and protons and atoms behave versus how this-

I want you on my phone too during this conversation. I was about to just start doing pushups. Check this out. I check out too. No, no, I was looking for this. This is the best photo we have of a cell. Damn. Of a human cell.

That's one cell. Look at that. This is one cell. Look at how intricate it is. And it's the most, that's the closest, most zoomed in best photograph we have of a human cell. Now this human cell that I'm showing you, we have not billions, hundreds of trillions of these

make us up. So each little dot, each little thing. This is in one cell of my body. And I have, you wonder why we're different. You wonder why you can interview three kids This is, you're in a simulation. You wonder why you can interview three kids who lived in the same house with the same parents, same race, same class, same experience, same schools,

and they have a totally different experience of life because each memory, each thing we see with our eyes, each thing we touch, each experience, each trauma, the way we translate all things, makes us this wildly complex like snowflake of a human, right? Now, that is some science. That is that we are all this collection of every memory of every interactive, every talent

we have, every little thing that's ever happened to us. We're so uniquely different, which is biology. It's like a monkey or like a little alien or a dust mite or whatever. Now, what about that as simulation? We're like these organisms. I would more likely believe that we are useless and no one gives a fuck about us and we live in a dust mite

of some extraterrestrial shoe right now. Like that would make more sense because when you get smaller, big, it starts to blow your mind. But like the idea of a simulation makes it sound like digital. It makes it sound like it isn't, you know, it isn't a real organically biological thing. Both things can be true. In other words, most of you are space, right? If you look at talk of quantum physics,

most of what you are a space, it's not, it's actually not matter. It's energy. Okay. Yeah, well. So it feels like a table, but it may not, but most of that is space, which is crazy, right? So I'm just saying that when you talk to physicists and mathematicians who really study this stuff,

it's like for us, we go like- I'd love for someone to try to explain it to me, like I'm a baby. It's like for us, we go, like, I'd love for someone to try to explain it to me. Like I'm a baby. It's like this, like a worm. Like when you go, why isn't NFT good? Someone just gives you a mouth service. A worm can sense heat and I think pressure. And that's it.

Those are their two senses. We have six senses, right? Or five senses, sorry. And so the idea is that we may have a limited apparatus to understand What's actually going on now? The cool thing about human beings is we have a mind that wants to understand consciousness. It's all we got That's right. So we might be a data stream that's attached to a larger mainframe Whatever the fuck it is the the conversation is definitely worth having and thinking about because it doesn't it doesn't Well, we're trying to figure out is what is going to do.

But also those mathematicians and all that. It doesn't negate the importance of this. It doesn't negate the importance of our loving our children. Yeah, wanting the best for things. I think a lot of people think that when they get into this stuff My wife has this because she's religious. So for her she just doesn't like the structure of Her truth and you know how she lives her life which very much works for her being sort of people think well you say it's a simulation then that kills God but it does actually not what I'm saying I think it's a little bit I have no conflict with that because like even when they say like evolution or the

Big Bang theory is like that doesn't change my perception on God maybe God just did the Big Bang or he did evolution it makes total sense right but the but But where I come into conflict with it is like, no one can explain the simulation part to me. Like they don't do a good enough job of explaining. My thing is with it is maybe they're right, they don't know. He doesn't know, I don't know. They're like, well, statistically, okay, that's fine. So it's really whatever you want to get into. We're all just trying to figure out what consciousness is.

But so, yeah, we will. So, so one of the things about that is that people were saying exactly that about the electromagnetic field. So when they were talking about something called the electromagnetic field, which is how all of this is possible, we're able to broadcast things, take pictures and, and, and filament then becomes digital. That we don't pray to it, we just manipulate it. That was literally all science fiction.

All of it. Of course. So it was space travel. So were satellites. All of it was science fiction. 100%. And, and now with AI, I mean, I'm talking to my phone as if it's a person.

As if. That is the beginning. But it doesn't have consciousness. But it's, but, but it's the beginning. So what I'm trying to say is that we were all saying, we'll never know. Oh no, I'm sorry, But we, we do know and we continue to know. Now I'm not saying we'll get closer to why I'm not saying that you might be right that we know how things work. The larger question is why? Here's the thing. This is what I always come back to. I know this may be

not interesting for people. Every time I'm on here, they're like, Oh, Jeff dies here. They don't talk about baseball for 12 hours. I wish I wish we're talking about people. Every time I'm on here, they're like, oh, Jeff dies here, they want to talk about baseball for 12 hours. I wish. I wish we were talking about baseball. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, I wish we were talking about baseball. Here's the thing. If you take a dog, your pet at your house,

and you literally take him apart, right? You find the best surgeon in the world to take him, you put out every organ on the table. And a surgeon puts them back together. There's something missing that the dog doesn't turn on. But you could do that with a motor. You could take this truck engine and put every part out, find the best mechanics in the world,

you could put it together, it'll turn on, it'll turn a crank. That's what AI is. That's what machines are. But there's a missing fundamental, yeah, you could call it a soul, you could call it a spirit, you could call it an essence, you could call it energy, you could call it a simulation. Whatever the fuck it a spirit, you could call it an essence, you could call it energy, you could call it a simulation.

Whatever the fuck it is, that's what we're trying to figure out. That's soul. And we're the soul goal. What you just said is so important, and it's so fucking true, and I say this all the time. You could take a piano, and you could scatter it across the floor.

And you could say that's a piano. Technically it is. You could do the same with a human being. But a piano's not a piano until you have somebody sitting at that box when it's fully intact. Creating music. And tuned, creating music. And a human being same with a human being but a piano is not a piano until you have somebody sitting at that box When it's fully in time in me tuned creating music right and a human being isn't a human being Yeah, I can you can take me apart and say this is you can show me my genome You can show me all my conscious it maybe and you can be like that's but but I'm not human until the souls right and we nobody's been able to pinpoint right that and they're never going to but but I love

I love religion for that because religion does talk about that. Religion makes the argument. So the idea, like a Buddhist will always say this, I love this idea. This idea, I go to Jeff, they go, where are you? Like where are you hearing me from? Where are you listening from me from? Where are you seeing me from? And when you try to locate the seat of your attention, when you try to see where Jeff

is, whoever Jeff is, the truth is, you can witness Jeff. I'm an Austin baby. Who can watch your thoughts, who can watch your feelings, who can watch it? Because you can actually step outside yourself and watch yourself. So then the question is, who's the observer? The observer might be the real Jeff. That's what they talk about.

That's the fundamental issue behind the Vedanta and behind Buddhism. I just think that- That's why you should all go to church. That soul part is like, is so important, you know, that's why I ain't afraid of AI. I'm not afraid of motors and engines and robots. I mean, like, they're not going to be smarter than us. Like you could teach it to answer questions. So it could, it could have, it doesn't have intellect. It can fix problems.

Yeah, it'll, it'll be very useful. All these computers are great I would say but the difference is we tell you you know, you know somebody's gonna be able to create consciousness Sentience fuck off that's never happened. Yeah, but here's the other thing We're also amazing if you could we're not also, you know We could also shut it all down whenever we want we could all just not fuck this fine that anymore No, you could I'd be fucked if this shit went on. You know, I mean, they're going to come with some other path.

But you know, YouTube's not allowing you to monetize if you use AI. So if you're doing AI stand-up, AI podcasting, you can't monetize anymore. I would say it's worth looking into it deeper, because it's kind of mind-blowing. And I used to always resist it. And then I sort of fell into it by accident.

And I think it actually affirms my, my simulation part. What are you talking about? Um, I have no desire to be the idea that like what human beings are doing is creating things like synthetic biology, right? Um, we're, we're creating synthetic cells and things like that. I totally agree that human life or the human being and its consciousness is so fucking incredible. We are so far away from actually harnessing that. I just think that there are people that are so worried about general intelligence, general AI, right?

Artificial intelligence. That the idea is that there is something about that kind of super intelligence that could either... It's just a big search engine. Without the internet, AI ain't shit. It's just able to search the internet as fast as it can and can come up with the things. And it's this big computer sticking it together. Well, there's large language models, but it's actually going...

No, that's not true. Because you say, make me a joke that Jeff Dye would say, and then it would take all the things of Jeff Dye on the internet and come up with a joke that I might say or whatever. But it couldn't go, make a joke that my buddy Philip Bernesky would say, computer goes, no idea who Philip Bernesky is, and it wouldn't know how to do it. There's no database on it. Yeah. So it's just a big supercomputer. I would say if you talk to people that actually are in AI They would all disagree with you about what and I've interviewed big supercomputer No, I've interviewed AI guys who work in you know, you know, I don't have a soul. It's not

You know why you know why my thing is why I don't give a fuck about AI I have so many fires to put out. It doesn't really matter what I think about it It doesn't really matter what I think about it. It doesn't really matter. Like with my kid, I gotta pick him up from camp, I gotta make sure that, okay. Got it. AI's gonna AI. There's nothing I can do about it.

Well, what I- Nor do I have the skill to get into it. But the larger question for people out there who are really dealing, like Elon Musk and stuff, what they're worried about is that this arms race with AI between China and America and all that, the fact of the matter is there have been examples of computers. Almost, I think there was the case where the computer

threatened somebody, the person wanted to shut the computer off and the computer said, I'm going to tell your wife you're cheating on her. Yes. Nice. And so these computers are behaving sometimes in a way that seems like self-interest. They come up with their own agenda where we can't control them. Yeah, but then now I'm going to push back on that.

But if you listen to- What's the computer's motive to not want to be on? What I'm saying is that if you talk to these experts, if you listen to these experts talk on podcast- Is that a fear or a thing that happens? Well, what they're worried about is that this is the tip of the iceberg and superintelligence might decide. Yeah, they don't need humans anymore.

Because consciousness would make a computer think, well, I don't want to be off. I'd like to be on. I would like to live. I'd like to be on. But like, it doesn't have that. So a computer is just this thing that you turn off or on. It doesn't know it wants to be on. Also who's writing the code?

You have to teach it that it wants to be on, but writing the code teach it that it wants to be on But why would you teach it that and then that's also not consciousness. It's just a thing they've encrypted Yeah, but it might start teaching itself. That's all it might start learning on its own. That's a fear not a truth It's a very real fear for people that are really involved including the father of AI So that the creator and father of AI will tell you that he's worried to death. And when I listen to that. Well, you're the one that made it, bitch.

Yeah. You're the one that fucked it all up. Well, and here's the other thing that Rogan was talking about with this guy. He's like, we're getting so dependent on AI, so even our phones, it starts really small, right? Our phones are like, I don't know, I actually don't know my wife's number by heart,

but I just go, I just hit Danny, right? So our phones are like, I don't know, I actually don't know my wife's number by heart, but I just go, I just hit Danny, right? And all of a sudden we get so dependent on AI, all of us, that now we can't live without AI. And so it's almost like the computer, the algorithm, the thing called AI creates an ecosystem where we can't live without it. Sure. That's all that's our own doing. Right. And then that's what's wild. That doesn't make me afraid either. Yeah. And then and then phones. We're already entangled in it, you know, like, but like that's like a baseball

game, however, a concert. Everyone's like, don't bother me. That's great. Yeah, I don't know, man, I, I, I guess people go, well, what if they shut it all off, Jeff? How are you going to eat? Are you going to hunt? That was all out of the cards before I was born. Yeah. You know, already dependent on grocery stores when I was a baby.

Yeah. We were already dependent. I was in for an 1832. Like I wasn't afraid of when I grew up like, well, what if the grocery store shut down and I don't, what if my bank is closed and that number, that digital number that they say is the money I have just goes, I don't, you can't wake up and just be afraid of all this shit all day.

You gotta keep on keeping on. For me, I'm not afraid of it because I, this is my faith in it. I just think that if we create, like if we create these, let's just say some computer, like general AI arrives and it's a God, it becomes all knowing. I think anything that becomes a God, like they're talking about will be more benevolent than, than cruel. I don't know why it would tap into our suffering.

Oh yeah, their fear of it being somehow deceptive. I think that's Hollywood. I also think like, you know, there's this whole- That's a nice take on that. Yeah, that's my optimism. Me too. It's also like with aliens, like, aliens like man they're gonna see us and then they're gonna start blowing shit up like well that's Hollywood if they even come through is actually like man we've been doing a lot longer guys what if we helped you out here you know aliens think of us the way you see like a squirrel you're smart monkeys right we look at a squirrel we go look at a little thing we don't we don't go with

rip its head off or like like, let's go see. Let's torture it. Let's go check out its living quarters. You don't, you just go, that's a squirrel. Now there might be a few bad aliens. You know you're smarter than a squirrel. You don't sit there trying to teach it Spanish. You don't go, oh man, this fucking squirrel

doesn't even understand how my truck runs. Yeah. You don't give a fuck. It's this cute little thing. That's how aliens look at us. They go, yeah, they're fine. These little earths. But our whole view on aliens is all from Hollywood.

All this fear mongering. But they might be really dope. Where they're like, ah, man, we actually, you should try this out. We've been here a lot longer. And like, we're good. We don't want to live here. We're just trying to improve your life.

And then we're going to go back to our world. Yeah, they don't give a shit about us. Yeah, I have a benevolent, I have a positive view of, like, I just, I don't know, somehow I'm an optimist. I guess I'm an optimist. Maybe to my fault. But that's good. I think that's a healthy take.

Because computer scientists are such atheists. Why would we create this supercomputer? You ever met a cool one? You ever met one you want to grab a beer with? Who? These guys that he's like, dude, these AI specialists. You ever met one of them?

I don't know, yeah. They're not exactly a bunch of fun. Callan did put me in a real argument of authority there. He goes, listen, Jeff, you know, people that really study this stuff say, Well, I've been listening to it. But he didn't have their argument. He just goes, you know, the father of this disagrees with you. I go, well, what did he say?

I don't know. I don't know, man, but whatever you're saying. Just a guy way smarter than you says no. I know, but who? And what did he say? Yeah, he made a speech recently and he goes, look, we gotta take this more seriously. It's gotta be some kind of a global pause or a check and bound. And there's gonna be people that are way smarter than us

that are gonna look into it, just like our military. And I assume they're doing their job. I don't have to worry about it. But they need guys like us. But what are we gonna do? I don't know what to do. They need guys like us. What are we going to do? I don't need guys like us doing this. Yeah, I'm being honest. Our job is to do this.

It's not just keep going. Well, the smarter guys. You need somebody. What the fuck's going on over there? Hopefully, rattle a little bit. Shit, we got to either murder these guys in a garage in Austin or we need to maybe answer some questions, you know? And that's kinda, cause you need people

fucking asking these questions. You don't. We're such idiots. Rogan had a great job about that. But I think it's fair to go, we're asking some good questions. Hey man, what's going on here? Rogan said that, Rogan goes,

look, somebody's gotta start fucking these nerds who are keeping everything going. Cause like, you can't be having sex with the pro athletes. You should be getting the guys who are figuring this out because as soon as the bridge race down like oh We're gonna be fucking idiots. I know so by the way. I can't get any power Put you was one of the best bits ever he goes if I put you in the air He goes if I put you in the woods with an axe tell me how long it's gonna take you to send an email It's like it's true. Do I be dead in a week?, we keep, I spent my whole life worshiping guys who could dunk a

basketball. It does nothing. It literally does nothing. We talk about Magic Mind Max, which, by the way, sorry, I think they're sold out again. This thing is crazy. It's crazy. We can't get a hold of them. Dude, it's driving me nuts. I I'll tell you what we do have the sleep shots And your boy sleeping like a fricking baby. There's nothing out there. There's no sleep shot out there It was about energy and it's like what about sleep so you have energy and It is about getting recovery for people that go hard. It's actually formulated to help your brain chill out and recover And no grogginess. That's the biggest thing. Usually sleep aids, you wake up super groggy, and at these you wake up, you're ready to attack whatever you got on the schedule. There's real, there's literally real science

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Martians come and fucking take over and I go, you know, my friend pitches for the Rockies and they go, who fucking, what's the Rockies? Who gives a shit? Yeah, you do need people to question everything. It's even like with this, this is a weird segue, but it's even with like that Jeffrey Epstein stuff. It's just, it doesn't work for me, man. Like there's no list, it's like,

well why is Jislayne Maxwell, if there's no list, then why is she in prison? If there's nothing, why is she serving 20 years? There's nothing? We have nothing. I'm confused. Nothing. I just don't know much about it. I'm a little annoyed. Did he's free? All this shit seems like it always seems like it's gonna be so much more exciting. And then it's always underwhelming. Did he won? We called from the job.

What? So is Diddy gonna get sent to a long time or, or, uh, we don't know sentencing him. But what's weird? I thought he was just fine. I thought everything's done. Well, I still, but who get time or? We don't know. They're sentencing him in. But what's weird. I thought he was just fine. I thought everything's done. Well, he'll still, but he'll get time served. Yeah, but he's nothing like, he was looking at life.

Yeah. He's looking at maybe two years now. But what's weird is like me and Jay were talking about this. So what's weird too is like, you know, I have a buddy who was close to all that stuff when they raided his house in LA. And he, even he was like, dude, the stuff we found, I can't even tell you. Yeah what happened all that shit, but I know

Remember that I remember someone who was at all remember that party and it was like we were like damn I've been texting like what's up, dude? I'm on stuff doesn't get back to me, but I know someone that was at all the ditty parties And she says she didn't see shit just big day. She was always there. Yeah So I don't know like it's like maybe it's real there. Yeah. So I don't know. Like, it's like, maybe it's real. Maybe it's not. I don't know. But I just always thought it'd be more salacious. Yeah. 51 to 63 months. Yeah, there are guidelines on it. That's a

lot of months. That's all 51 months. What is that in years? Why are they doing in baby? Four years. Four years. Yeah. I don't know why they do months. They'll probably do three years because he's time served. Time served. He gets in in October. Nobody ever does that kind of time for violating the Mann Act. Eliot Spicer didn't.

The governor of New York and a lot of other people. It's very rare that you actually serve time, but they want to get him. I just refuse to believe back to Epstein. I refuse to believe there's no list and that there aren't current powerful people on there and that's why we're not seeing it. It just doesn't make sense. I think it's a, I think it's a, um, I think a lot of people think that it's a, it was an Israeli massage program.

They, they were probably gathering information on very powerful people, including American politicians and American like people like Bill Gates, like Bill Clinton. And there are interests in our government that don't want to expose. On the left and right. I think that this is the one thing the left and right agree on like, we don't want that list to get out.

Like I'm on it, you're on it. That's what I'm saying. They're like, we're all in agreement here. And we hate each other, but we don't want that coming out. Why can't people just be normal? That's my thing. I don't understand. I've never raped a woman.

I've never been with anyone underage. And somehow I'm like a hero in Hollywood. It's been the easiest thing I've ever done. You're the outlier. And all of a sudden they're like, you know that Jeff, that's a good guy. He dates age-appropriate women. He doesn't try to rob anyone. He doesn't fucking deceive people.

I'm just a regular person and I'm a fucking hero in Hollywood. Yeah, like common decency is not really... Why is Bill Gates fucking... You know fucking deceive people. I'm just a regular person and I'm a fucking Decency is not really why is Bill Gates fucking kid? Why is Bill Clinton need to fuck a little girl? What is going on just be normal? I don't think anybody's saying that Bill Gates or no shoes of age they they did a lot of fucking probably Yeah, but like girls and cages and shit at like Epstein Island like that was a little thing I was really what I what I think most of it was was they would get professionals very hot

Professionals, but some of them were that wouldn't be salacious. No, no and they would These guys are married So what that's not a crime now, you think they would hide that that they've had a fair the dude did in the White House But apparently they're they're underage. No one's that's what's a crime that's what's weird I don't understand how there was that one guy that goes hey man where's all the women at right and I would you get to the island like hold on I traveled 16 hours we can go to a pool today and I bring some hot fucking chicks we can hook up with yeah we don't need young under what is

Why do they always have to be I don't think that I think what happened was there were probably guys Well, I think what happened was Epstein he liked them at 14 15 16 right that's who did it and apparently just Lane Maxwell Got those kind of runaways to come over and give him a massage and all that. So there's no doubt that this guy was into girls as young as 14. You guys really think this Jeffrey Epstein did it? You know what I mean? No, I'm saying there's how many, there's three billion women in the world.

I'm not believing anything a hundred bitches say. No. Oh, you believe a hundred? That's like a blip in the grand scheme of women. Yeah, when it gets to be 100, it's a lot. No, there's no doubt that he was a total scumbag. Right. They were all pieces of shit. But I think most of the guys, like most of the dudes like Clinton and stuff, they wanted to get down. Right. They're not always getting up. Hold on. Let's be honest as guys, especially if you're a billionaire

or you're really busy, nobody's getting on the Lolita Express, nobody's getting on that plane to go to a private island. Just to hang out. Just to hang out. Yeah. There's no golf. What are you doing? I'm not going, unless I'm going to get nasty crimes.

You're not going there for a good meal. No, dude. You're like, do I have five star chef? That's what's happening. I live in New York. What he says is, hey, we're bringing girls in. We're bringing girls in. Oh, no, they already live here in cages, underneath in tunnels. That's how you get dudes. Yeah, we're bringing girls in. We're bringing girls in. Oh, no, they already live here in cages,

underneath in tunnels. That's how you get dudes. Yeah, we already got them there. That's how you get dudes there. You know, it's weird. Oh, no, if you're flying me 14 hours, I'm busting nuts. Thank you. Yeah.

That's what it is. Food, I don't give a fuck about food. It's definitely crime. So pick up in and out on the way. Creepy shit, but like what, like. That's where they could get away with it. Because a lot of the women that came out were of age when they were there.

They were not young, they were of age. So were there they were not young they were of age So they but that don't check out What do you mean? It's not against the law to hook up with girls that are of age, but I think so who cares I think it would be a nothing burger. Well, they might care if they're at that island. They were married There's you know doesn't do anything with Jeff on that. That's not enough to bring down a fucking I would even want that Liz lose half your money do you know how many men cheat on their lives most of them he's been busted he's fine yeah well politically it can be a liability Trump the fuck knows but I think everybody was banging JFK all of

them all of them okay brought his horror in the White House while his wife was there yeah but but that's my point is, I think it was like underage, creepy shit, some weird stuff. Pervert shit. You know, so do you know what the intelligence, what community the intelligence agencies recruit from the most or what a lot? Try to guess.

What do you say? What are you asking? So there's a community, there's a big American community that the intelligence agencies recruit from more than any other community. William Morris. Young Asians. Not young Asians, keep going.

Jews. Think about it. Jews. Think about it. Jews? Nope. Nope. I'm all out of answers. You don't want, okay, here's a hint. Crestwood Elementary. You don't want, so you don't want, they call it nice. You don't want anybody who can be bribed by money,

by ideology, by ego, by, I think sex. That's everybody. Okay, yeah, but there is a- Mormons? Thank you, Mormons. So what? A lot of Mormons. There's an intelligence group that's-

Well, so they don't have- Recruiting Mormons. They recruit Mormons. No drug use in their past, tend to be like virgins before they get married. There's a lot of shit. A lot of anal sex. Yeah, it's the only downside. And that crazy though.

Yeah, they say Amish. I thought you were saying that could be the Amish too. Too hairy. Yeah, they'd spawn a mile away. What else? Well, you got some first gen current events. We have a few. Yeah.

Um, but just a quick question for Jeff. We can edit this out, but I'm just very curious. Since you had the vasectomy. Yeah. Got you so into that. I love it. Why am I so into that? I'm just saying, like, so when you do, like,

because you're, you know, you're a bachelor. You're good to go. You're single. So do you tell the girls right away, like, I had it, so can I bust? It's none of their business, yeah. Oh, so you still pull out then? No, sometimes, you know, like, I like asking, asking like where do you want me to finish? You know, and then yeah, it's hot

Yeah, but I now I don't have to worry exactly about their answer But I'm sure they want they want you to bust inside them, especially so no, yeah That's like also like what dude the easiest surgery I've ever had or it's the easiest thing I've ever done So much so that I've like after the surgery the day after or the day of the next day of the week I kept asking my doctor like are you guys messing with me? Like I don't feel I felt like there's no way I did that I had it. Really? It was that easy and I think they keep it a secret from young men about how easy it is

because it was same day in office procedure like it was like you know the money part is one thing but it's easy and painless I felt discomfort like as far as like for like a few days you have to wear diapers they made me wear this jockstrap and then put like gauze in there but it was nobody was easy bro like I like if I pinched you on your hand it would hurt worse than what they did to me weird I have no desire to do it. It was the easiest thing I've ever done. I was shocked.

I'm surprised you haven't been in the kitchen. You know that comic was called We're a Dumb Bitch? It was Delia. Oh, was it? You almost got the fuck kicked out of me. I literally had to talk to you. Hey, I'm surprised you haven't had that procedure on your big old nut. I should.

I bet they'd charge you extra. They would. Those are big nuts. They'd be like, dude, we gotta full back this big nut sack. It's a lot of space to work with. Yeah, so it might be easy. It is, I wish that's the way things were charged. The best is not that. The best is not that.

Bigger nut, that's gonna cost more. I showed Nick Simmons and Nick, call us my piece. I had sex with my wife, I come down, I'm wearing a towel, and my dick is like a little bit, like still a little bit. Yeah, a little mid, yeah. And they go, cause they saw me in there, I know, I go, you working with a piece, huh? And I go, yeah.

And they go, yeah. And I go like this, I just showed them my dick. And both of them, they go, that makes me so sad. Yeah. Dick is so big. Yeah, now that's going to live on in their head forever. I call my, See, legacy, legacy's the deal.

For a little chapter of time. I went in the next morning, I went in the next morning, he goes, I called my brother about your dick. For about two weeks, two weeks. He goes, I called my brother about your dick. Yeah. That's a good feeling. I just gave us a humble bag. Fuck off. But they're living with you. They're staying with me right now because their apartment had a flood.

So they had to out here, but they dig right. So it's mine. So great. Oh, Nick told me to ask him to find him like a $3,000 car Dude, it's tough to do. I mean it yeah tough They're so atrocious

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I'm trying that right five at least. Yeah for what he wants a car. He's a young comic Just moved here. Oh, I see car. He's like I have three grand I was like, I'll look for you. I looked and like buddy. Yeah, 20 years ago. Maybe yeah, would say Honda Civics like used Yeah, we'll see man. Have you looked at him for three grand? I did a long time ago. So four thousand five hundred four thousand. Yes. Yeah, we need about yeah Still decent decent mileage. They last forever. Mm-hmm Wait Brian when you say your dick is big, is it both girth and length? Yes. Yeah, I've seen that fact.

That is just wanting to get that heavy, heavy, heavy. Yeah. Then I'm sure on record. You got no other quality genetics, but that fucking big dick. That's all that matters. God, when you know, these girls talk, I went, yeah, the God went, can't do that to him. Give him a big dick.

Yeah. Just give him a piece. I've been saying, I have a tiny dick on stage a't do that to him. Give him a big dick. Yeah. Just give him a piece. I've been saying, I have a tiny dick on stage a bunch and it's great. You do not have a big dick? I have a big dick, but that's the great part. I'll say, I have a tiny dick. I got all these tiny dick jokes and then girls will be like, he's lying. I was like, isn't that great?

Yeah. That opposite. Yeah. He's lying. Perfect. Just jokes, girl. Yeah. Yeah.

It's the best. You working with a piece though? Yeah. And it's the best dick, you know? All right. Take a look. Yeah. Circumcised.

It is circumcised. You know how you know that that's the best dick? It's not circumcised. Because I've never heard of a, I've never seen an uncircumcised dildo. There's not lesbians right now going, oh peel it back. You get the works, I got the works done, you know what I mean? Yeah, me too. I'm circumcised. Chin's not full of chins. I've been saying it forever.

Well, it's not too long. It's not too late. Go get it. Go get a t-shirt. Do you have a dick on you or no? So I bet he does. Look at him. It's a big guy.

All I know just the way he answered isn't great. Well hear me out here. I honestly think people that brag about their dicks a lot probably don't have big dicks. No, you think you haven't hung out with comics. Right. You'll know who has a big dick. No, you think you haven't hung out with comics, right? You'll know who has a big dick. But mine, I think is just right. How about that? It's average. Just no, no, it's just average. I can actually tell you the dimensions if you really want to know,

but I'll do it off camera. I just think what you said, like people that brag about it, you know, we're not recording this. No, we're still recording. I'm recording about my dick and my towel. Yeah, we have to. Why not? Here's the thing, I'll say it though. You think we're doing this for the fuck of it? We're doing this for the sex of me.

When girls are showing off their tits all the time, and they got cleavage, you can't see our cocks. So I have to talk about it. Yeah, yeah. And then also, it'll come up all the time, because I have these big expressions with my hands on stage. And girls go, look at the size of his hands.

I'm like, yeah, yeah. I'll just always try to let them know that I've got a huge it's the only way you can do it really it's I can't show my car about it you're a breed by marketing yeah it's business some promotions branding yes my hands look at got ladies on they're like all right enough about your cock what's this chin oh yeah so this is an update on Ben asked you know what's going on here, Jeff? Nope. So this guy, Ben Askren, one of the greatest combat athletes we've ever had.

Nice. Five weeks ago was healthy, strong, ran wrestling camps, and then he gets staph and then gets pneumonia, and now he had a double lung transplant. Jeebers. And we haven't heard from him in weeks, and this is the first video he's posted. Have you seen this, B? Hard to watch. Yeah. All right, this is the first video he's posted okay be

Hard to watch. Yeah This is our guy. What's up guys? I've not given you an update in a while figured you deserve one Whenever this is all the way over I actually just read through my West journal because I don't remember anything from May 28th, July 2 no recoll No recollection, new idea, no idea what happened. We'll kind of go through it all and it's a, I just read through my wife's journal, it's like a movie, it's ridiculous. So I only died four times, right, or the ticker stopped for about 20 seconds.

That's not ideal, I didn't know that. But I got the double lung transplant. I made it out to the other side of it gaining quite a bit of strength. Weren't going to do everything 47 pounds I've been on 47 pounds since 15 years old so I was like 50 pounds you know 45 degrees so man that was a that was a battle okay I don't remember most of it and you know the, that was a battle. Luckily, I don't remember most of it. And the thing that was most impactful to me was all the love I felt for everybody. And it's almost like, it was almost like I got to have my own female role.

I still remember it 30 years ago, Dave Schultz died and you were listening to all these older people, you know, recollect how much they enjoyed him, how much they loved him. And, you know, obviously, you never had to hear that. I'm sure some people will hold them. But so, man, the outpouring of love from the wrestling community. It was just amazing. So good.

And so, you know, I'm more motivated than ever to keep giving get back and do what I can. And so Jeff, he was an Olympian. I love you guys. I appreciate you guys. It's been tough. Not only on me, but my whole family. My close community. So I appreciate everything. I hope you guys appreciate the update. And like I said, sometime down the road, maybe Amy and I can detail everything a little more. What's up guys? That's wild.

And five weeks ago, fully healthy. Yeah. Former Olympian. Badass. Multiple world champion. Body just failing this soul. Look at him before. Yeah.

This is just like a man. What's up guys? 10 weeks ago. Holy biscuits, dude. 10 weeks ago. What a man. They had new lungs. You could hear the coughing and stuff.

He's still trying to. Here's what's scary. Like, thank God, you know, you got the lung transplant, but they're not to be negative but The life expectancy of when you have a lung double lung transplant is ten years. Yeah, it's an average fucker That's the best man. Ask her dog. Yeah But he yeah, this guy's a different breed. Yeah, if anyone's gonna pull through and there's a warrior I'm yeah, uh, man, that's so. And that I didn't mean to bring the podcast done. But I mean, he's, he's awake.

He, you know, he was like in critical condition. He was bad and he got the lung transplant, which most people don't know. You're lucky to get double lung transplant. And you know who paid for his transplant? Cause his insurance wouldn't do it. I love Jake Paul. Jake Paul paid for it.

Oh really? I love that. He did serve some. Didn't say anything. He didn't promote it. Nothing. What a good guy man. What a fucking sp- that's all I gotta know. Anybody says anything bad about- Do you want to hate him? I've never hated on him. Who wants to hate him? Anybody says anything bad about Jake Paul is an automatic asshole. What have you done? Well he probably wants to fight him now, you know? That's the thing. Jake's got a card now. Now he's gonna challenge him in a week. As soon as you're better. He'll go, you know, I beat Mike Tyson and Ben Asker. And you'll go, god damn it, Jake. I mean, anybody says anything. Jake Paul is like, he's. I like those boys.

Yeah, I'm a big fan. I've never touched shit. I mean, you know, how do you hate on a guy like that? Out there doing it. Here's another thing with someone in the MMA community. So Randy Couture. Apparently, he was practicing for an NHRA race. I'm sure Brendan might know something

about this kind of stuff. But he did like a one person crash and he ended up burning himself. Like first and second degree burns, it had to be airlifted. So we don't know the extent of the injuries, but this is the only picture that we have so far. Just his arm maybe?

Yeah. Hopefully just his arm. Hopefully. But then he was like, you know, there was like trauma as well. The what does that mean trauma just like you know like what oh yeah yeah just he was injured also yeah big boy especially doing something like silly like that you know the first time I ever met him I think the only time I ever met him I was at some Bellator fight for Spike TV and

they put this like VIP green room that I showed up late to so when the matches were already started I was like let's go get some drinks at this little VIP room and I went in there was completely empty because people were watching the things but Randy Couture was at the bar and his back was to us and I was like to my buddy adjusting I got that's fucking Randy Couture yeah so I walked right up behind him and I go hey man hurry the fuck up dude we're trying to get some drinks and this dude like turned but then he sees like my big goofy ass smiling And he thought like he's cool. Yeah, I feel when he's like what's up, man. I was like I'm Jeff

He was like super nice, but there was like a second where he was like And then he really saw my smile as a guy all right, it's very cool Yeah, I know man It just sucks getting her doing some bullshit. Yeah, two badasses in a row all bang banged up man. What else you got something positive? Yeah So this is Adam Ray. I'm sure you guys already know about this But you know right Adam Ray does the whole doctor guy you taught you his Tony Hinchcliffe. Yes, dude I was it's so good. Have you seen this? No, he impersonated Tony Hinchcliffe. It's spot fucking on dude You see this is a red band

Announcing him so I just play this first My god Oh my god. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives? Just like the whoever does this makeup stuff is just insane. His facial, his body. Yeah. Everything. All, all can, yeah.

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and I go, who the fuck takes their shoes? Yeah, I got global entry. I got TSA pre-checked. I get it clear. I haven't taken my shoes off in 50 years. But a lot of people don't. A lot of people don't. It moves shit really quick.

Yeah. But there's also a step in the right direction, too. Come on, our shoes taken off, and a TSA, it sucks. We might not care, but you know who's super excited about it? The shoe bomber. The terrorists are like oh he's fucking super happy about this. Shoe bomber. Remember that guy? Yeah he's the reason he fucked all this up. And people go I wonder what he's doing over there and they're like mind your business. He's trying to fucking ignite his foot. let's do a little MMA stuff so apparently Dustin Poirier asked the UFC to have Ilya Toporya as his last fight

but of course they denied it UFC said no we're good man I should ask you guys this is a good spot when was Michael Chandler when's the next Michael Chandler thing maybe at the White House first Conor McGregor that'd be great he's my guy dude challenge he's great one of my favorite people. We just did a celebrity softball game. He's awesome. Oh yeah, he killed it didn't he? We've been friends for a long time but like I was like a little nervous you know I've played baseball with some like you know strong like you know MMA guys that weren't great I won't name names but it's like why would they be? Baseball is not their thing? Yeah, it's all stuff Chandler was great

Yeah, you get out of inside the park Grand Slam. He had a two run home run He made a say made some fielding errors, but like he was dialed in he had a great attitude He was so so so so great best one of my favorite humans. I've ever My favorite people can't say enough good things about him. Yeah, he was chasing that. Talk about discipline, too. Regiment. Fucking.

He was chasing that at Conor fight. It was a bummer because it's the red penny night so he wanted it, but two, three years of his career just passed him by. Yeah. And then you're older now. It's unfair. It's tough. It's tough.

This is the game, dude. Oh, look at this. The White House. I literally am on second base I said hit it out daddy. The UFC announced the White House so everyone wants to fight on there Look at him leg this shit up and run his ass off Yeah, cuz there's no way we're hitting a home run over the actual Major League outfield wall. Where's that at? This is me coming across You got the headband on. I did.

Very Bryce Harper of you. I love Bryce Harper. Yeah. I'm always rocking those things. Look at this. I come in with the water here. You gotta, you gotta be the water guy. Oh, they cut it.

But I went like that. I did the splash into the water. I saw a little bit of splash. Yeah. He had some errors out there, but he crushed it. And he was our captain. A very funny thing happened too. There's this chick who played college level softball. She's easily the probably the best player out there when it comes to softball.

And she was like, we're all warming up for this. She's all confident because she should be. She's like a national champion of softball. And she's like, yeah, I'm going to play shortstop. Or no, someone goes, who's going to play shortstop? She goes, me, of course. And I go, I I'm gonna play shortstop. Or no, someone goes, who's gonna play shortstop? She goes, me, of course. And I go, I was gonna play shortstop. And she looked over at me like,

what are you talking about? So then I was like, shit, and she is the softball chick, you know. So I went into the dugout, and Chandler's like, where you wanna play? I was like, well, I wanted to play shortstop, but that softball player said she wants. He goes, I don't fucking know her,

you're so shortstop. So he just gave it to me, just like my my boy I know she was pretty cool about it and but like I just love that out there she was great yeah she's very good but it was just cool so cool a Chandler to be like you're my friend yeah I don't know her was it fast no it's just over or underhand like hi he plays. I bat it with a cigar in my mouth. You should have seen it. It was fucking dope. Old school stuff.

I felt like a rockstar. Do you smoke cigars? I like cigars. I love cigars every night, but like I went to the plate with a cigar and I watched everyone on my, like all the men that were like on the field were like, ah, fuck, that's a good idea.

We should have brought cigars. What do you, that's like if everyone can drink. Do you have a specific cigar? Placencia, the brand, yeah. But like pretty much every one of their cigars are incredible. Yeah, man. Yeah. What else you want to drink? You have a specific cigar. Placencia, the brand. Yeah. But pretty much every one of their cigars are incredible. Yeah. What else you got, Jim?

A Nicaraguan family from Cuba. A sense, yeah. We have a few more unless you want to. To Nicaragua. Wrap up soon. But check this out. Give us one more good one. OK.

Well, I don't know if this is good or not, but this is one of Honda's leading engineers. And this has been his hairstyle for. He looks old, old too. He's definitely old. He's like an anime That's a lot of work that you know this dude likes you come on and all that He's in board meetings like this this is wild that's a lot not a facial hair in sight you must be a beast though Yeah, you know that you'd have look at that better. That's what I'm doing. Wow That's very Rod Stewart minute dude. What is, you'd have look at that. That's better. That's what I'm doing. Wow. This very Rod Stewart. Minute dude. What is what? Does he have one bad eye or something?

Probably. He don't want to see out of that eye. He might. Hopefully he's fast because that is like a pretty creative eye patch. Just comb your hair in front of it. It's kind of been different for a hot second. Look at that old school pick. 250 patents to his name. 250 patents to his name. Holy shit. Someone said my man mechanical romance. What a brilliant dude. This is all right.

But so BKFC says they're going to do a $25 million tournament in March. And winner gets 15 million. The first place winner gets 15 million. He's part owner That's kind of how it's broken down which boy first a second It's a big jump if Connor gets Chandler right there Chandler gets Connor and they fight Would it what would the rep with the reputation be like? Well sure now like if Connor loses at this age

Is it one of those like it's not really the same kind of thing fam and I'm a huge Connor fan and Chandler But I think the fan base is just it's kind of like with the John Jones thing. I think we're just over it. You know, it's like, like they teased for so long, they're coming back. How old is Chandler? 36, 37. So he's still got, he could still be champ. He'd still be the guy.

No, well, no, no, he lost his last one. It's, you know, he's, he's at, he's at 39. Yeah. Yeah. He's had his run. He's out of his prime. So now it's like legacy fights, like big name fights, like No, he lost his last one. It's you know, he's at he's at shit. He's 39. Yeah Yeah, he's had his run. He's out of his prime. So now it's like legacy fights like big-name fights

Interesting. Yeah shows how little I know. Yeah, the rides over but he had a great career man. Yeah, he's fucking Yeah, he's a legend. I love I don't ever see Connor fight again. Really? No, I think even the UFC's like we good, man. Yeah, it's over. It's better to not fight right now at this point. That's the hardest part for an athlete is what's next. Yes. Because they got all that money, and they had all that love. But you go to a baseball game, and first base coach is Matt Williams.

The third base coach is Mark McGuire. You're like, these were my heroes growing up. And now you'll yell their name, they'll turn around. You'll go, that would have never happened in the nineties. We'll fight a yeltsin. They kind of miss it. Yeah. They kind of miss it.

Like, Oh, you know, they used to say my name all the time. Yeah. Randy Johnson's a legit photographer in the MLB. Ken Griffey's a photographer. I have a, yeah, a coffee table book of Randy Johnson's images from Africa. Like in my house. That's cool. Yeah.

He's like an actual good photographer. Have you seen his logo for his company? The dead bird. How sick is that? Which is kind of a double-edged sword for him because he's tired of talking about it. Yeah, but then he makes it the brand So now that goes viral. I like it though. So it's like you if you really don't want to keep talking about it, Randy Don't make it your logo. You can't. That's like Jordan be like so sick at Dunkin. I know. Well your logos. My favorite viral thing about Randy isn't the bird thing. It's that like one time, I don't know if it's true. I don't know if this

is an actual thing or if it's one of these internet things. Randy Johnson claimed that he keeps a bucket of baseballs by his bed in case someone breaks into his house. Just for hurling fastballs. Can you imagine? What the fuck? That is great. That's a nobody. That's a perfect weapon. What a legend. I love that. I wish I hope it's true. Yeah. Just a bucket of balls. Yeah.

I don't know. If it ain't true, don't tell me. I think it's beautiful. All right. Well, you're at the mothership. I assume that's sold out. Those are all sold out. I'm doing standup New York on Monday.

One show only. And then Las Vegas wise guys comedy club. Boston. I got, I think Providence has sold out. Anyways. I also have a podcast that I just launched. What? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. on Monday, one show only, and then Las Vegas, Wise Guys Comedy Club, Boston, I think Providence has sold out.

Anyways, I also have a podcast that I just launched. What? I would love everyone to give it a listen. What is it? It's called Die Hard. Oh, love it. And it's just for my Die Hard fans. So, you know, there's plenty of places

to hear my big stupid voice for free. So, this is behind a paywall. If you wanna listen to Die Hard, I'm three episodes deep. I've been really enjoying paywall. If you want to, if you want to listen to die hard, I'm three episodes deep. I'm, I've been really enjoying doing it on Patron. Yeah. Is it just you by yourself riffing? Just me. That's all of it. Cause I've been trying to do all these gimmicky things. I tried all these podcasts of like whatever. And I'm like, I obviously have a lot to say, why am I not just talking to this? So it's like an hour a week. Sometimes we'll do it more. And so please check that out.

Love it. Love it, brother. Kids, this Wednesday we got acting off again. We just had Ari Matty and Tommy Pope and Joe DeRosa. We had such a blast. So come out and see who the best and worst actor in Austin is. It's been really fun. Alpha Beta Georgia, Helium July 25 26 27 then I got Charleston Illinois I mean Charleston South Carolina August wanted to come get

some and finally San Diego mic drop comedy club in August. Alright kids that's it this is Jeff Dye this is the finding kid we're out. Love you boys. What's up guys I've given away the ultimate Ram TRX with over $50,000 in, this is the fine kid, we're out. Love you boys. What's up guys, I've given away the Ultimate Ram TRX with over $50,000 in upgrade. This is one of one. You won't find another TRX on the road or a truck for that matter, like this truck that I've built. It has over $50,000 in upgrades

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