The Fighter & The Kid - Jim Breuer: Fame, Anger, and Finding the Funny Again | TFATK Ep. 1157

Episode Date: January 20, 2026

On this episode of The Fighter and The Kid, Bryan Callen sits down with comedian Jim Breuer for a wide-ranging conversation about stand-up, creativity, and life on the road. Jim talks about touring nonstop, stepping away from comedy, losing the anger that fueled his material, and why he no longer feels the need to chase relevance or belong to any group.The episode dives into old-school comedy values, the fear of losing your audience, how culture and social media have changed stand-up, and why real creativity often comes from slowing down instead of forcing output. A thoughtful, funny conversation with one of comedy’s most recognizable voices. Get this episode and all future episodes AD FREE + 2 extended episodes, Fan Questions, exclusive behind the scenes content and more each month at https://www.patreon.com/tfatkBabbel - Learn a new Language and get up to 55% off your subscription at http://babbel.com/fatkDraftKings - Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code FIGHTER. That's code FIGHTER to turn five bucks into three hundred in bonus bets if your bet wins.Signos - Claim your fresh start today with Signos. Right now, Signos has an exclusive offer for our listeners. Go to https://signos.com/, that’s https://signos.com/, and get 25% off select plans with code FIGHTER.Progressive - Visit https://www.progressive.com/ after this episode to see if you could save.O'Reilly Auto Parts- https://oreillyauto.com/FIGHTERSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is really the fighter and the kid. Come on, baby. Where do you sell the best? Right now, anywhere in the East Coast. L.A. How many tickets? What kind of theaters are you selling? Paramount.

So what's that, 1,200? Yeah. It's good. They'll sell out. Thursday. I don't worry about it. Massachusetts. That's huge.

New Hampshire. That's huge. Atlantic City, no worries. How did you? Was it just you doing it online and staying relevant online? That's it. And how is your, and streaming? I was thinking about streaming.

I stream every Tuesday on everything. Although TikTok just fucking banned me. It banned you. All I said was I had Dr. McCullough on. Oh yeah. And I said the clip was, which was true, you know, my daughter and I went to Costa Rica. which we did and we both got sick like I started calling it was right it was still at the end of COVID

I'm like fuck we got cold and I started coughing and they sold uh uh I ever I didn't at the airport so we picked it up dude in in 24 hours my coffee's gone and less than that it was gone that's all I said yeah strike you're out false mouth information. Yeah. But they don't give you a few? Are we rolling? Yeah.

And I didn't know I got two other stories. Are we rolling? Are we rolling with the great Jim. Yes, sir. All right. I don't know what, but it doesn't matter. So it's, you've been, by the way, we're rolling. Hey, we're rolling.

All right. You've been, you literally are on the road every day. What caused you to do that? I, look. So. Cocaine habit. I want to buy gold. No, no, no.

I'll say this. So I've been off for almost a year. year and a half. No stand-up. I haven't done that my entire life. Wow. But for years and years and years and years, I wanted to work on certain projects, which I never had the time to do. I can't like half-ass over here and half-ass over there. So I, like for instance, I went to Africa. I wanted to film a documentary. I filmed it. I don't have time to, I don't have time to put 100% in that. I wanted to do in Africa. You shot a documentary in Africa? Yeah. Well, we're in Africa.

Tanzania. It's kind of a big place. I've been in Tanzania twice. Really? Where? Special place. Like on Safari? Yeah, all over.

Yeah. My aunt lived there for years. Why? Nairobi twice in Kenya. Yeah. Yeah. No, I love that. I go there.

I went for six weeks. It's pronounced Africa. Africa. Africa. So you went to Africa? Yes, I went to. No, you are doing a safari? Sifadi.

And then. I get to know two of the guides. Guides. Yes. The guides. The guides. The great guides. Yes.

And they become friends. So I want to discover more of their life. And you are losing your accent, your American accent, because you spend so much time. Too much time. Too much time. Eating kudo. Fufu. There's something.

not greatly, there's something greatly, you know, when I was in South Africa, there were some, I can't remember where they were from, but they were just, they were cooking this incredible meal in the bush. And it was Kudu. Kudu. Yeah. Yes, Kudu is very good. You know, this is, this is very good for your stamina and your spirit. And it builds a fire. I was like, this is great. No, you're usually the greatest accents, too. I'm very talented, but that's not important. So, well, when I was in Kenya, when they say spirit, it was right after when the boogeyman locked everyone down and everything was going on. And I'll never forget I was in the bush and we had to wear mask when the people in the bush.

In the fucking bush? In the bush. There's a hippo over there. There's a hippo might catcher cold. There's giraffs over there. And so I go like this. I wait to everyone kind of goes back and said, what do you? There was an older guy there.

I said, what do you think of this whole situation, right? You know, he said, he just simply went like this. He's an older guy. And he goes, evil spirits. By the way, Africa, you think Africans are afraid of COVID? Yeah. I mean, they've dealt with some other things. Yes.

They've taken on a lot. But East Africa is a very special place. I love East Africa. I've been there multiple times. Oh, so the reason I'm doing this is to buy time. Because I haven't toured or did much stand up for like a year and a half, I was able to put this Africa project together. I was able to do this series on YouTube called Funny How God Works. and these are projects I've wanted to do forever.

Yeah. So this, meaning why I'm pointing to the screen, I haven't know why. You mean, you're doing this crazy bus tour. I'm done. Yeah. I'll use that to more production for the African project, the funny how God works, and the other projects. So you're a guy, and I've said this many times,

I've been doing stand-up a long time. I'm not bad at it. I'm not bad at it. You know, and without sounding like a dick. There's only one thing I'm confident, and that is I can make anybody laugh anywhere for an hour. Okay, good, fine. I've been doing it for a long time. So I'm, so I'm, I'm an old school guy.

I'm 59. Yeah. I've seen all the greats. I've seen everybody come and go. And I've seen a lot of the new. And I have always said, and I think you're the funniest. I think you are in my top five all-time comics. in terms of somebody, you just make me laugh so hard and you have so many bits,

so many long running, like long running bits and just, and chunks of your standard that are just undeniable across the board. And by the way, one of the great storytellers. So, and that's not, that's not an opinion. That's an objective fact. Do you ever, having said that, Do you ever get sort of tired of stand-up? Do you, are you now sort of like, because so much what drives us when you're younger is the mystery. Can I do this? Right.

Can I surprise myself? Can I keep being original? You've done it on such a high level for so long, Saturday Night Live, everything else. Do you weary of the same old thing? That's been my whole life. I get bored doing the same old thing. So it took me, I'm not going to lie to you. I've lost my desire for the oomph to,

I'm going to go out, I'm going to do dates and I don't like doing it unless I know I'm going to absolutely crush it. And I am shit, you know what? It's like my whole life, you go through the industry and then you need to prove yourself. And then you prove yourself. I mean, like, I want a TV. And I've learned throughout what I've done, people only remember the highlights. So I consider myself like the pinch hitter of everything I wanted to do, meaning I don't want to go on TV.

Just, just, ping! I hit the one little, it doesn't matter. I'm not like Saturday Night, baby. I'm not the big blah, blah, blah, blah. But I got the patch, the show was there. and the character to the people go, will you please do the character from a billion years ago?

Movies. I wanted to do the video. Did I do blockbush? No, but I get the one little cold. Ping! Got it! Okay, under the belt. Great.

I want to do my own specials. Okay, ping! I got it. COVID, I wanted to sing with my favorite musicians. I've sang with... ACDC. ACDC, Judas Priest, Metallica. God.

I did. It's on stage. Yes. So I'm like, I'm like the far as gump of myself. So I, yeah, it's, it's shocking, right? Yeah, so I found myself around COVID. COVID, I was really angry. Yeah.

And COVID I was too. I was too. I was too. And so. stand up between 2020 and like 20, 23. I had a lot to say. I felt like I need to wake the world. I was on a vengeance.

You helped me with it. You know, you helped me. I never told you this, but like I was going through a hard time, and I was angry, and there's a lot going on. And you were talking about just not being afraid anymore. And because I know your wife was going to stuff, and you were going through stuff. And man, you said,

I don't want to not hug people. I don't want to be afraid like this. And there was something about the way you did it because it was like you were punching the ocean. You know, you know those movies where... That's funny. You know those movies where the entire army is closing in? And one dude, he's on foot.

And the army's coming on a horseback like, and then the one dude, you just see a close up of his eyes and he just goes, And he just pulls a sword. And you just see him, ah! And he's running in fucking sandals. And the dust is like there. And he just somehow runs and just,

and it just cuts out because you know what's going to happen. We just get, with the dramatic musing. Oh, yeah. But I'm one man, one sword in flip-flops. And you were fighting the world. I did. I loved it.

I loved it. I did too and I didn't. But after a while, Yeah. I said everything I had to say. Yeah. And then I got to do the things that led to the funny how God works. That was such a scary thing to put out there.

Yeah. Because I didn't want to be labeled. Because no matter what you get labeled. Yeah. No matter what. So I was, oh, what are you? Oh, he's like, oh, you're like born again? We like, broo is religious.

Oh, you're not religious enough. Oh, so you washed up. So now you got to like tap into Christians. Like, I'm not even. I mean yeah I can't whatever so there's something on that by the way

and I know you're the same way I would love to have the staying power to be able to now transition and be all in with something like the Christians or something like the right wingers or something like the left winged I can't sustain that I can't sustain anything that doesn't feel

and unfortunately with me I'm so my joke is if I was at a protest my sign would say it's complicated I'm just way in the middle. Well, there was a time between that where I was I was searching and I started doing I started getting lumped into hey, you're this, you're or that, you're this, you're or that.

Partially because they were the only outlets allowing me to say what I wanted to say. And then, but I also started seeing things in certain groups where I was like, oh, you're no different than. Oh, wow. Well, there's no nuance. There's no charity.

Oh, you guys are all, wow, it's just a different gang with a different call. Oh. That's what I mean. I see. Well, no, no, no, I'm not in your gang. No. I don't mind coming in, hanging out and having a beer.

What are you guys having a fight? And then I'm going to go over here. There's some things about you, I like. Some things about you alike, but I never go all in. It's almost like Carlin never joined. I saw him talk about that once. My favorite. Even as a kid, I never hung out with every single group.

Me too. Hung out the weirdos. I hung out with the stoners, the jocks. Same way. But I never went all in because I have a little piece of all of it. You were never in a click. Never in a click. think I enjoy that.

I really enjoy that. Being a stand-up is, you know, I mean, you got to be careful about trying to be in a click as a stand-up. You've got to be on the outside looking in all the time anyway. You spend so much time alone. Just the process of writing is a solitary process. Yeah. Guys, take a little break.

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I'll drop the name, but I was texting with Bradley Cooper today. I love that guy. He's a great guy. And I was like, where are you nowadays? is he spends just so much of his time writing movies and we were talking about how like celebrity and money and all that it's all actually a distraction to the greatest pleasure which is this is the solitary experience of of discovery when you're trying to be creative and he's writing a really cool idea for a movie and it was like he was just talking and we were talking about how how

how satisfying and how nothing quite compares to the solitary process of of discovery of being creative. When you've got to solve creative problems and then you do and you watch them develop into sort of a them thematic, comprehensive thing of value at least to you where you go, damn, I created that. How'd that, where'd that come from?

Yes, and that's a, it is complicated and this is where I feel like I shed my skin and the direction I'm heading whether it's writing, creating. I never had time for it, and I'm starting to see it with a couple of things I'm creating now, whether it's the African thing or the storytelling, the funny how God works.

I look back and I go, wow, I don't remember setting that scene up or, wow, I forgot that story. It was so powerful. Do you do that with stand-up too? I do. How do this come together? It just comes out, and then I look. look back and I am guilty of saying there's a couple times where I'd look back and found myself

giggling because I can't watch myself. I can't watch myself. Editing is special for me is like I'd rather be at the dentist with no Novakain. Yeah. When I'll sit there and I'll look there and go, wow, dang, that was, wow, all right. That was funny. Okay. And then there's other things. I'm like, oh, my God, just don't want to see. We're talking for, Brewer. Just shut up for five minutes. But yeah, we're at a whole different stage of life. And I don't have that drive to be competitive with anyone but myself. Yeah.

I never did really. I've always been that way. I never been competitive. I'm not competitive person. I'm just not competitive. Like if somebody flies privately or they sell a lot of tickets, I mean, I'd like to do that. Oh, I'd like to do. Yeah.

But I'm not, it doesn't, what doesn't drive me is like, they're there and I've got to be there. I've never been that way. I just don't. I don't have it. Like aren't. I'd love to be in a ready to. I'm not going to tear down anyone who does. It's just one of those.

I'd like to be it, but I'm not going to. I just selling tickets, like I'll be, by the way, everybody, I'll be at the San Jose Improv. San Jose Improv this weekend, Friday, Saturday. I always had a tough time there. It's such a great theater, though. I always had it. It's a great theater. I had a tough time selling that place.

Damn. Well, I don't know how I'm selling, but I mean, but I mean, for me, like if I can, if I know I can sell enough tickets. Like I was in Edmonton and I was like Saturday they turned people away. I'm so, I'm like, that is, that's all I need. I'm not ambitious. If I can sell a club like that, I'm good, bro. Now, would I like to sell a theater? Will I sell out of the arenas? Of course I would. But I, but sometimes I wonder like, that's satisfying a sensation. But it's really a bummer when you start losing relevance, right? When you're like, wait, I'm not selling, you know, it's like, oh, well, yeah, like this is. Maybe I'm done. Maybe this is it.

it always happens. I think that on every tour. I think that on this tour. I'm like, you know, here's the ticket cast. I go, ooh, wow, it's a lot of red in Indiana and Illinois. Wow. Okay. When does the tour start?

One month. Got a month. Okay. And then, you know, you pub's like, eh, I'm not worried. Or your age like no one's selling. Don't. Don't tell me that. Don't tell me that.

Well, how are you at promotion? Because I find such a hard time at saying, come see me digital just i hope the clips i'm not good at either i had to do a whole day of hey hey indiana i'm coming to you on april i got these you know 20 year old kids going to war april 20th bro like what am i doing i know i know what am i doing and then you give my months advantage like they're going to put it on their fridge i got to write this down right what i mean but uh uh So whatever.

I am excited about it. He's cracking up. I love that you're doing a bus tour, bro. It's the only way to go. Because this way, too, you do the bus. You film everything. Yeah. You film everything.

I got a good opener. Yes, you guys are written. He likes to go to the gym, and he likes to give a pointer. He likes to like, dude, there's one bit. Maybe you're still, thank you. Who's your opener? Brian McKenna. He's out of New York.

In shape, young guy. He's in shape, young guy. My openers are young and much better looking than me and in better shape. So it's like the magic mic. He's definitely in better shape. Yeah. Only because he's a, well, if you guys are better looking than you, like in the face, you have a striking face.

But I was straight. I never use the word striking, but your face is striking, Jim. There he is. There he is. There he is, Brian. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, my guys are like young, young, handsome, in shape guys. So it's like magic mic and then the old guy comes on, you know.

Well, I tried to. to get, there's a couple guys I tried to get. You like hot openers. A couple of Latin guys don't speak English, but they're real muscular. Yeah. They do a dance beforehand. Try to mix it up a little bit. And now, welcome.

I was even going to be a guy who plays guitar and just sings like you find at the bar. Sure. Singing to Billy Joel or stuff, doing all the hits in the seventh inning hits. Hey, go guys. Like just singing like Elton John. and Billy Joel for all your seven-year-old. You know, stuff like that. I look out in my audience.

I got a lot of comedy. All right, ladies down, Jim Brewer. Three Carolina. Neil Diamond covers me. Jim will be on a minute. I swear I'm at. Yep. And then somebody releases doves.

Wait, didn't you move to Florida? So I live in Austin, Texas now, which is where I get the southern, you're here in the 20. Oh, I hear it, Twain. Yeah. Why my hands are so rough now. You look good in a hat. I do, brother. Thank you.

I hear that a lot. I want to see a hat on you. Oh, you will later on. Especially when it's not contrasted with clothing. When it's not, when I go, oh, not choral from the head down. I can imagine. A hat on. But a serious look on my face.

I would look at myself a lot. I got a hat. I got to say, last time I was in Austin, I forgot where I was playing. Some guy brought me a hat. And I said, I'm not good with cowboy hats. and he put his on me. He's an older guy. Yeah.

And then later that night, the guy I was opening for me, he's like, dude, you're not going to believe me. He came in a hotel. He's like, the guy gave me your hat. Bro, I, with great confidence, wore that hat. That's the first time I felt like a real, I felt like a badass. No, can I be honest?

I felt good. I love to get you out there on a horse. I'd love to get you on a horse too. It's just sexual. I'd like to get you on a horse. I started doing this in my yard with a rope. I could do this, man. Shit, yeah.

I could do that. Can you ride a horse here? You've been on a horse? I have been on a horse. Yeah. This is a true story. So we went to a, I took my family to a dude ranch. Had it be like 20 years ago.

Yeah. Right. I want to be able to ride a horse, but I'm a little afraid. Sure. Of course, as well, you should be. So I don't, I'm okay with the slow little, little trail. Yeah. And my guy starts biting the ass of this horse or he starts eating the grass and you're supposed

to be taking control. But I wanted to get to. I want to get to the running. So I got to the gallop, and now I'm afraid to do the running, but I want to pull off running. So on my life, I sign up for a private lesson. So I go down to the private lesson, and it's down like in Salo Alto Valley.

You know the comedian, Josh Blue? Yeah. Dude, this is a guy with cerebral palsy, just like Josh Blue. So he comes walking up. I'm not even, I swear on my life. The guy. The guy. Okay, so he's got terrible palsy.

Yes. And he goes, well, you know, what are you? No, my God, dude. Like, he goes, look at me if I'm not afraid of a horn. Why would you be afraid? I'm like, oh, my God. Wow. But he, within.

Probably grew up on horses. Within 45 minutes, I was going around the barrels and running around and they started running. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really cool. Yeah. A dude with serval palsy on a dude ranch. Bad cerebral palsy. Yeah.

And somehow was able to get on a horse. And while he taught me he was able to get on the horse, he could control the horse. Wow. You know, horses have a sense with people who have disabilities. I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's really interesting.

I've seen actually people who have cerebral palsy with horses. So they use horses as therapy sometimes. So he probably grew up as a kid. They brought him in front of horses and fell in love. with them. Because when you're, you have cerebral palsy, there's this tendency people think that the person has, is mentally slow. They're absolutely not. No, they're completely with it. They just have trouble with their muscularity, right? So isn't there something for, so to get, I just, I just want to start going to a boxing gym. Yeah. I'm not, I'm not sparring with anyone. It's just,

you know, bags, like a cardio thing, right? But he teaches, I want to say guys with cerebral palsy, and Parkinson's. Yes. There's a whole group of Parkinson's that we're coming later. So one of the things about that is that when you teach boxing and you have neurological issues, you're using both sides of your brain. You're using your left side and your right side. Okay.

So if you're kicking, you're having to mirror your body. So when you jab, when you're switching stances, when you're kicking. So a lot of that's really good for the synapses. That would be the idea. Ah. You're creating a connection. You know, but horses are magical. Like I went to, I remember we were in, when Wyoming, my dad took us on a vacation

or New Mexico. I was, I was in my 20s. I was probably like even 19 or 20. And my father decided we met a guy named Boots Sutherland. And he was as cowboy as it gets. I'm talking about a man who makes his living wrangling cattle. Yeah. And then there's a little side hustle, which is tourists who want to get on one of his slower

horses. He'd call the couch. right you ain't riding you ain't riding one of his horses you understand you know riding you're you getting on some of the old slow ones with diabetes right you know the naturally crazy ones got a little he overfeeds him a little bit just so they got a big old tummy not going to run anywhere you got to keep him slow you know right and uh my father who's a macho guy and uh thinks he's a rider gets on the old horse in shorts and i remember hoot sullivan said shorts he goes yeah You go, that's a first.

I remember clocking that. And my dad, after our ride, well, we spent the rest of the vacation, he didn't have any skin here or here. That's a good time. That's a good time. That's a good time. So that didn't go well. But horses scare the shit out of me, man. They scare the shit out.

They spook me out a little bit. It's good to know, though. It is good to know. So you're boxing. Not. Yeah. It's more for the weight. Yeah.

It's more for, and also, because I started, I started taking cardio. I can only go on the elliptical and listen to my favorite metal bands and concert for so long before I go. Don't do get cardio at our age? Fuck cardio. It's what I say. Start lifting weights, 20 minutes. I do, do. I do.

I wish you lived with me. You'd come over to archetype boxing and we fucking go. The boxing has changed my life. It's a whole. We need, we need like that, and then we need some resistance training. because you get older, weaker, I'm getting a weaker.

59, dude, I'm calcifying. I feel like I, I feel like I'm getting weaker too. I feel like I'm getting weaker. Bothers me. Ah. I go with the flow.

We're dying. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. We got like, thinking about this, we have maybe, if we're lucky, this is nothing to change my life whole butt.

If you're lucky, solid. 20 years? Mm. Pushing it? 15. 12 to 15, because what you're not

considering is you're diagnosed with something. You pull a hamstring. You think you pull a hamstring. You're out for like a month? No, you're looking at six months. Bro, I just pulled a hamstring. It's going on three months ago. I was in Florida by myself in a field. This is so sad. Whiff a ball bat, wiffle ball by myself with a whole bag of wiffle balls. The last with a ball, I said, I want to hit over the bushes. I hit so hard, some of my ass cheek wiggled, and I'm still ain't right. I got to bring a hard baseball on the plane here to shove under my right cheek, which is why I'm not adjusting because I want to face you.

I'm adjusting because of the pain that's down my leg from, from, this hamstring. We got to get you some peptides. You know what? I just heard about that. I've never taken them, but I just keep hearing that as far as healing is concerned. That's what I heard.

You know, it's funny because I was at archetype and I was doing toes to bars. You hang from a bar and you bring your toes to the bar. And I did that without warming up. You did what? You're hanging. You got to bring your toes to the bars,

the thing. I did that when I wasn't warmed up and just pulled something in my wrist, some little, like some little tiny thing. And it burns. And it's been seven months. Yeah.

It's just shit. Like you're like, you'll have that for seven months, sir. Right. So if you're completely healthy, you're going to be 60 in a year. Yeah. We had,

in 15 years, we're 75. Dude. You're the 75 year olds we know. How many of them, oh, I got to take blood thinners. You squeeze them too hard.

bleed out how many? Look, my haly's tendon is already like every morning is like, you want to do this again? You're going to push things out? You want to walk down those stairs holding your baby? Because I got young kids now. What? Oh yeah, I got a two-year-old and a four-year-old. You got a two-year-old and a four-year-old?

And the 14-year-old and a 17-year-old. And you haven't pulled you back out yet. That's why I, that's why I do like rehab exercises every morning before I work out. that's a good idea because i i pull my back out multiple times with my kids a little because you're not used to picking something up and moving it and putting it in a seat uh-huh twisting yes yeah but i do that or reaching back to even to yell i've done this like hey oh god damn oh my god oh my god guys ufc 324 pimlet gaichi saturday The number one sports book, the number one sports book is for live betting.

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see dkng.com slash audio. Limited time offer. You're out. That happens now? Right away. You're set back. Now you can't go work out. Now you can't do a lot of things.

So many things. Yeah. Yeah, you got it. you got to anything you want to do you got to warm up now you know i know you know i know you hear that airplane in the hangar next you know what sucks yeah we're in pretty much like a i don't what would you call this bribe it's like a garage sort of yeah we're in a garage companies there's a detail race cars next door yeah race cars yeah like the other that the other day they had a 1.8 million dollar McLaren that they were they were putting uh they were so

it was a 1.8 million dollar McLaren i said where can you drive it he goes only on a racetracker I go, does the guy raise? He goes, no, he just gets together with a group. Oh, cool. So he's got that. Spend your money on that anyway. And he was, I know. I don't get me started.

Don't you wish you can, like, tap into a guy like that. Go, listen, give me, give me 5% of your money. Yeah. Okay. And I'm going to set you up with really fun things to do with your money besides what you're doing. Or I could say, give me 5% of your money so I can pay my alimony and I can, like, and I can do fun things. And I can stop hustling.

That would be nice too. How about that? I was supposed to be rich by now, but it's not happening. So yeah, that would be fun too. But I think if you gave me $30 million in the bank, I would, there's a good chance I would be on a, I'd be living in Malibu on a farm, and I'd be raising my own vegetables and animals.

And I would cook and I would hang out with my kids. I think, I think, I may never do anything again. I might not. I have a love-hate relationship with everything. I am 100% into what you just said, because that's my end goal. The vision was always farm. I'm not running it, though.

No. I'm not running the farm. I'm a gentleman farmer. Yeah, I'm a gentleman farmer too. I might be smoking a pipe. You go check on the cows. Yes. You go check on the pig.

Yes. You let me know if something's, going down let me know what we got to do about it yeah if i if i'm yes yes and and again tons of land build some cabins on there so when maybe my kids grow up hey you come stay here whenever you want and we got gardens they're going to help the guards my one daughter's doing culinary now how old you how old your kids should be 21 21 24 26 wow yeah and any of them in comedy now they're all hilarious, hilarious. I bet.

The middle one, the middle one reminds me of, like, sometimes, oh my God, is that what I'm like? Because she'll come home and she will reenact wherever she was. She reenacts every character she ran into, every scenario, totally animates it, but won't do this in front of anyone except for us. and we sit there howling with laughter. Is that great? Howling with laughter, but she won't, she won't.

My son's a natural show. She's no desire. My 14 year old will do shit like I'm FaceTiming him. I'm in this restaurant outdoor area where I'm waiting for my food. He goes, where are you? I go, I'm at a restaurant. He goes, outside. I go, I'm waiting for my food.

You know, he goes, are there people around? And I go, yeah, when I show him, everybody's kind of quietly waiting for their food. And he goes, this guy touches minors. Oh, I'm like, you. You motherfucker. Like, that's the kind of stuff he does. All my life, that's my youngest daughter.

My youngest daughter will be in the car and go, I don't know him. I don't know him. Dory, it's not funny, man. Like, this is... We're walking the grocery store. All my life, we've walked from the grocery door, walking into the publics, and she'll go, please stop following me. Please stop following.

People, they're starting to... That's so good. Like, it's not funny. It's not funny in this. day and age, stupid. I looked terrible. But yeah, that's my youngest one. She thinks that's hilarious.

She's funny. So you have, back to you on a farm, I keep interrupting your flow. No, I'm all into that. Right? There are two sides to me. One is farm, gentleman farmer. Yeah.

I'll wear Tweed jackets. I'll read hardcover books and I will smoke a pipe and cigars. That's one. Two is, if I didn't have kids, my fantasy is to be, I would dress, I would live, I would take. I would take a pierre in Florence, and I would live as an Italian gentleman. I would take the way I dress very seriously. I would wear, yes, yes, I would wear a bespoke English or Italian shoes, but you'd never

see me in comfortable shoes ever. I would wear only suits. If I wasn't in a tie, it would be one button, one button, mercifully during the hottest days of summer. I would wear sunglasses. I would spend money on my sunglasses, Jacques Marimage, et cetera. Yeah, and I would take my coffee very seriously.

I would lunch. I would lunch. And I would be a raconteur. I would immerse myself in story. And I would watch great cinema in a straight back chair, in a straight back chair. I would not be comfortable. I would not be lounging.

You understand? I would have long lunches. I would take a siesta. I would nap. And then I would plan my dinners in a very serious fashion. I would also probably have, I would take lovers and, and I would cook with her. And we would have our, we would receive our guests and smoke hashish late into the night. Fuck, you'd be, you'd be most welcome, my friend.

And I'd have to take you aside by the elbow and say, Jim, I love you so much. we won't be dressing that way here. And then I would have you, I would have you meet with my clotheier, with my clotheier, uh, slash Taylor. And, and we would have you fitted for, for some fine summer suits.

Linen, please. And I would, I would, with open arms and great confidence, joined that lifestyle. I know you would. Oh. Because we would have a salon. We would have a salon.

At least, at least, at least, twice a lifestyle. a month, bimonthly salon, where we would talk about things like Proust. And if we didn't understand Proust, which none of us would, I would probably invite a professor from Florence University to come and speak to us about Proust and the significance of Chopin or even Dostoevsky in his Italian accent. Ah, and we would swill the finest wine. And all of the wine would be, made just there.

We'd drink provincially. A hundred percent. There'd be no French in my cellar, my friend. Absolutely not. And nor should there be. Nor should there be. No. My tobacco would be aged.

I would take my cigars very seriously as well. I love that shit. And that's how we would age, my friend. Two questions. Yes. One is, well, not question. One is, my desire is to live in other countries for like a month at a time. Just bursts into the natural culture.

The other thing is, do you go on those rants often here? Not enough because I don't have an ear for them, but you're there. Because I would, I want to see that whole rant animated just the way you explained it. I want to see that guy in animation or, or film, the film version of everything, the voiceover you just did. And just film that in the studio that was... Well, that's because I love taking my time. I love taking my time. There is a reason you drink tea out of bone China.

And the reason it's steeped just so. Why is it awesome golden tips? Because I know the difference. That's why. You can have your Lipton, which is actually in a front to my eyes. But if we want to get serious about our tea and our coffee, our espresso. So when you take your time with these things, it's so much fun. I don't like bitter coffee.

I don't either, actually. I don't like it at all. No. And you know right away, they usually oversell themselves. Always. As like this grand, new, hip coffee place, where most likely, once you sip it, you feel that, that taste and you go their shite.

Of course, I mean, of course, the actual, the actual, the actual, what's the word, the mission, if you will, is to get your coffee to taste the way it smells. Yes. And that's always such a precarious, I'm still angry. Well, it's a precarious undertaking, isn't it? I mean, one has to have the courage to toss a shot. If you pull a shot and it's not to your liking, if it doesn't cling to the glass. And the way I say it is.

if you have two shots of an espresso, the only way you know it's really authentic is if you are shitting yourself within 20 minutes. Especially if you pair it up with a brand muffin to stay regular. It's not even a need for brand muffin. That's how good it really is. That has happened to me multiple times.

This is like my bowl of prunes, sans the prunes. Sans the French. I used to actually do I used to I don't know if that's good espresso or not yeah but if I go to a restaurant at night

yeah and I order espresso usually within 15, 20 minutes I got to you gotta go it's got to go bad and I go wow that must be real espresso when you drink espresso

for most Europeans is taken very seriously yeah and they do it during the day no yeah well the morning you'll see if you're in Naples in the morning when you see when you go to work, what's great is in Naples, you'll see lines of people, and they'll take an espresso in a tiny glass.

And it's about that much espresso. It doesn't cover your entire, the first knuckle of your index finger. And they might put a little sugar, and they will have a little conversation, have some words with the barista, and they'll take their coffee, and it's just a taste of their coffee. and they might, if they're feeling spicy, they might have a small piece of bread, but chances are they're going, they're just going espresso,

and then they're off to work. And there is something about that. Now, their lunch is going to be something. My uncle, who was 100% Italian, who lived in Rome, he was an actor. I believe probably he was probably gay, didn't have to deal with the Brooklyn macho Italian world. And when,

went to Rome, never came back, was an actor and a teacher. Handsome, handsome man. And would, you know, the mornings were for your espresso. He lived above the Piazza Navona in a penthouse that was owned by the Vatican, so it was rent-controlled, lived like a gentleman, like a gentleman, always dressed to the nines, in great shape, and acted in local theater in Rome, played bridge with his gay buddies, and lunch was taken with the utmost seriousness.

You met at a trattoria, and you just had a spread. And by the way, by the way, if you're a, if you're just chin walking in or Brian Callum walking into a trattoria in somewhere in Rome, they ain't given you the pasta and sauce

that they serve the locals. They're going to give you that. They're going to give you that because you don't know the difference. No, you don't know the difference. No, you don't. Right? It's correct. But if you do know the difference, everything is considered.

That's what I love. The tomatoes are ripened on the vine. My grandfather would never buy tomatoes that were ripened in, what is it called, an acetylene chamber. Fuck it. Fuck you. What? I want to be able to smell the manure on my potatoes on my tomatoes. All that stuff is, there's a, there's a,

whole process. So you could live there. I could live there. I think of living there. My youngest daughter just said after she's done in Honolulu, she's like, Dad, I think I'm going to go live in Italy for a year. He probably won't come back and let me know I'll buy land. If I'm allowed to buy land, I'll buy land.

I will go to Italy in a second. You could right now buy a working olive oil farm for what you could get a four-bedroom house in Connecticut. They freaked me out with the the only thing I'm reserved about is they freaked me out with one of the lockdowns. So the lockdowns happened the way they did in Italy because they weren't freaked out. So the problem was the first strain. So remember, in Italy, you never put

your elders in a home. You live with your elders. Correct. The way we used to here. Yes. We used to the same thing. What happened because the Italians are so nonchalant is that they literally were like, And they had the trading port, I think it was in Milan, a couple of other places where, where a lot of Chinese merchants came. Yeah. And they were so nonchalant that they were carrying the COVID virus. The first strain was pretty, pretty devastating to old, old people. So you had your 90-year-old grandfather. So it is true that the death toll for the eldest was, they didn't recover from it because it was the first strain and they were intubating people way too quickly and stuff.

We didn't know. So that's why you had the, that's why you had those mayors. Have you ever seen those mayors of those towns, how they talk to, bring up mayors of Italian towns during COVID and how they talk to their, how they talk to people about,

about coming out on the street because they had to get serious because they just couldn't have that many people dying. And this is coming from somebody who thought we way overreacted, you know, but this is interesting. Because the Italians are no, watch this. This is hilarious.

Top one? Maybe That's good a chance to see This is how they talk Because they were taking so much heat All right, this is not it This is not it These guys were literally going

I'll come in your house and punch you in the face The Italians are so non- Nogny your face But by the way, then you break Yeah, there you go Angry Italian-Ares rage of people And was he meres? It's been the festo of the papa

we've had a Napoli of the bontemponi that vending the zeppole the sepore the sepore

of San Giuseppe that they were in homage to the papas let's a zepola there's a good

a be a coronavirus now, people were dying now, now they're getting litantly

they've all got in hospitals in the hospital and they're have been commanded in hospital, lietam, the their

father, their mom, and their nonny. The positions gladants are they're when you resolve the

problems, I'm going, I'll be here, I'll wait. I'll wait. So this is not it. I'm sorry,

guys, I fucked up. That's all right. I can't even, I can't even, I can't even read it. My eyes are shot. Yeah.

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Stream now. Pay never. You're welcome. But anyway, they just go. What were they saying? What were they saying? They were like, I'll come in your house. I'll punch you in the face.

I'll kill a machine gun every one of you. Well, they were so mad because Italians don't listen. You're not telling Italians what to do. Like when I went there, so when you had to have a COVID card to go to Italy, I had to go to Italy during the country and, uh, or I had to go to Europe. And you're not getting in England without the COVID that you were vaccinated and all that. Italy? They don't even check.

France was the same way. They're like, yeah, whatever. It's fine. You know, they just don't. There's something about the Latin culture where they're just like, yay, you know, it's fine. It's why the Italians in any culture that has to do with paying a Vig, they get along.

They were great. They were like any tribal culture, they're like, I got it, and they're paying off. They did that in Somalia. Somalia's clans. And Italians and Ethiopia, Somalia as well, they built Mogadishu. You can't go to Somalia without understanding

clan politics. You cannot do it. But they just, what they would, do is without military stuff they would pay the big they pay this guy off they pay off this clan and be like we everybody can make money relax you know and that's how you do it everybody's okay yeah yeah everybody's okay yeah part of what makes it run not as well but also what makes it so great it's all about food it is all about food you know I think the guy was in salt I was staying in Cortova Cortola in Tuscany yeah Tuscany yeah does that make sense yeah I don't know

Corton. It's a small city. We've got a big wall around it. I lived there for like two weeks. I would go in there. In the morning, they're all prepping for the tour buses to come in and whatever. They dump them out for a little bit. And I think there's a college there.

I would come in. Cortana. Yes, it was beautiful. And I'll never forget the first day how crazy the guy thought I was because I'm so used to American coffee. I went a cappuccino about four shots. And he went, quattro. I mean, yeah, four shots?

No, no, Guato. He's a one. I went, nah, quattro. Look at me. Look at me. He goes, sleepy, four. And he ended up giving it to me. But like, by the fourth day, I'd walk in and like,

ah, sleepy, quattro, I was ready, if my wife was going to pack it in and stay there the rest of my life. I can see you loving it. No, no, no. I'd read. And they love you. If I can live in Tanzania, I would. Yeah.

What do you like about Tanzania? I love, I love the people and I love nature. Yeah. See, now, I thought about this too. Am I going to live in a village? No. No. So I got to remember each time I go, I,

am there on differently unlike Italy yeah Italy I can live in a small town yes uh even parts of Germany yeah man do you like Germany I'm spending no time in Germany really I've never been to Germany it's like going to a a Hummel you ever see a little Hummel yeah it's like oh wow this is real life stuff shire yeah yeah yeah Switzerland's like that yeah cozy as fuck yeah yeah yeah Yes, cozy. Orderly, very orderly. Yes. You know?

We're, we're, we're in a mess. Well, Americans. And I think we're searching for like the culture slash. Well, American culture is a pioneer culture. American culture is the, is the culture of what's over there. We're always moving. American culture is relentlessly innovative. And we are interested, way more interested in abundance.

and efficiency. Whereas there's something about the European mindset that says, hey, things take time and it's worth the time. Soccer is, they might score one goal in an hour and a half. It's a good example. Right? But we need scoring, bro. I need scoring.

But we've been, that's a junkie mentality, but that's been forced fed to us. So now we're addicted to it. It's made worse. It's made worse by TikTok and the 15 second clip. Television, 40 channels, 50 channels, social media. and it keeps it keeps growing and growing growing everything you've been fed on television like Kardashians you know thing and everyone's a billionaire we got to show her boobs and her ass and

I remember being freaking I think I was in cop one of those either Norway or whatever and there was a there was a chick walking down the street and she had very provocative clothes and the guy says to me American I said how do you know that? because they dress like exact words, like, like, woman of night, like whore. Like, because we don't, we don't. I'll give you another example. And if you go to those Europeans,

they don't dress like that. I'll give you another example. A friend of my comedian, we know him. We were young men and there was this beautiful Italian gal that he was talking to. And he's trying to, he's like, I can't get her to, you know, I'm trying to get her home. And I said, hey, bro, you're dealing with an Italian woman.

Let me explain to how it works. The courtship, ritual. You do not meet a girl in Italy and just take her home. That's not how that shit goes. You want her. You got to get to know her. You hang out with her friends, your friends. We all spend time together. There is a process. Mexican women, Latin women, it's all the same. There is a, there is a process by which courtship happens. She's not going home with you, dude. She just met you. that's definitely not doing that in front of her friends or her like the culture maybe when she's traveling i don't know but for the most part that's not how dating happens in france it's not

how dating happens in italy it's not there's a there is a process things take time this is these are people who have settled they're not pioneers they've settled it's also a morality and a respect for yourself 100% look you because you're not because you're representing your family. You're representing your yourself. Your self, your town. You're an extension. Right. Right. You know, it does take to, and the more people that

go to the places that you're talking about, they always come back and go, wow, they have it right over there. Unless you're going on a cruise ship and unless you're going on the seven day, get off the bus and go buy the jewelry

and all that, those tourists don't count. You immerse yourself and you see a whole different way of living. Like, where are these people? Were they lazy? Well, why do you think people, when you go to Florence in the summer, worst idea ever,

because everyone is there from all over the world. You can't, literally, it's like being in a crowded nightclub on the street. Yes, Pat. Isn't it interesting, though, that that tiny town is a magnet for everyone.

And I'll tell you why. Because it was designed by a king and a pope who were pro-human. They were good people. This king and this person, Pope who took into consideration crazy things like, how wide should the streets be? Wide enough for me to not crowd somebody, but also be able to say hi to somebody I know. Wide enough so that everything should move at the pace of how human beings move. They took into consideration

human connection. A lot of cities nowadays are scaled for flow and for the automobile. It's not how we live. We love this idea of a community. where I know the mailman and I go, what's up, buddy? How are you doing? How's everything? You think you can put a price on that? You can't. No.

So the architecture, the amount of time it takes to carve those statues out of fucking marble. We go, what? Wait a minute. And why was that done? Oh, I know. Why? Because it's for no reason. Because it's beautiful.

Because it's beautiful. And what happened all that? Where does that stop? What happened? What happened to all that? What have these big designs and these beautiful buildings? And, like, what, how did it go from that to the Sears Tower? I know how.

Because also remember that architecture now, when somebody builds a house, you know who the architect is. When somebody built those cathedrals, those chapels, those buildings, they didn't put their name on it because they were building it for something else. There was something bigger than you as an individual. And it's probably something like God. It's probably something you can't. measure, but there's an inspiration. You don't really get inspired. You know, if you're inspired by

just what you are going to get from this effort, I don't think that lasts. It's not a very good, I don't think great things come from that. Maybe they do, but for the most part, you've got to be doing it for something like, like the glory of it. Like, I don't think you paint the Sistine chaplain, go blind in the effort because you're trying to get pussy. I just don't. Or you want to eat out a lot in a restaurant. My problem with acting for the longest time for me, I love stand-up because I just love the artistry of it. I love the process of writing and coming up with things.

The problem with acting is every time I go on an audition for a sitcom or something, in my mind, I wasn't doing it for the art of it because it wasn't inspiring material. I was like, if I get this, I can eat out a lot and date really good-looking girls and take a break. I can kind of like be relaxed and and get some attention. It was like it was all the wrong reasons. All the wrong reasons. So I'd go in there and I'd be like, of course I wasn't going to get the part. Because I was like, you know, I'm here because I'm here for the wrong reason.

I'm here because it's all apatetic. I'm here because I want the spoils of war. Do you have a desire to still be in film and all that? Honestly, dude, I find I love acting so much and I worked so hard at it. and I had so much fun on the Goldbergs. I had so much fun on schooled. That was the last time I acted, but part of it is, like, the process is tedious.

The process is whooping, yeah. Doing a movie where you do a page a day and you're sitting around. Yeah. I have a very hard time with that. I'm missing my kids. I'm in a trailer. I'm waking. I'm at 5.30 in the morning.

I just, I find it to be a very, and I hate saying that out loud, but it's, it's just tough, man. It's long days. This is, It's very long days, and this is the first time in my life in probably 30 years since the 90s where I go, you know what? If it was the right role, yeah, am I going to chase it?

No. But yeah, now my kids are older. Yeah. I'm going set here and I'm really into that character. Yeah, I'll do it. But for the longest time, for the reasons you talked about, I had, my kids were young. Yeah. They were really little.

They were like, you need to move to L.A. I'm not raising my kids in L.A. Well, you need to do this. Oh, my God, I'm not doing it. I don't tell you. Parents got older. That life stuff is here once. That's it.

You only got one shot. Your family like that. But this is the first time where I'm like, yeah, I might. If something comes along. Your kids are grown. Your kids are grown. Yeah, kids are around.

Like, you know, if it's something that I feel a strong desire for. Right now, I'm more into, like, I just want to do more. You have a good idea for a movie, dude. I'm going to write that movie. What's up? That idea that the pizza guy. Oh, do I wrote it.

We wrote it. You want me tell you what I did? This is God's honest truth. Again, this is some people, your listener is going to be like, oh, you know, be a man. We wrote it. Script is done. Now, there was an instinct the whole time. That was kind of like, do I want to stir?

up this bees nest. And some of the children, too, are still very close with us. Okay. Very close. Yeah. Including. Got it. Okay?

Yeah. So my wife was the first one. I want to read this. And do you think this is a smart idea? Out of all the things you could put together, is this a smart idea? See, now as I'm thinking, I'm like, yeah, but maybe I won't be in it. And this will be you. Yeah.

I'm not going to lie to you. you would have been a monster. Yeah. You would have been so good. I could play that. Hey, you know what? I should call the director and talk about that because maybe I just don't have to be in it.

It is, I don't have to be in it. I could play that. It's not the story of me. Yeah, I could play that role. Because, oh, I know, on my life, on my life, on my kids' lives, I went, there was a time, like, who pulls that off? I'm like, you would pull that. Your face, your eyes, the way you lock into a character.

I'm like, you would crush this guy. I've had a couple pretty big actors, a director say, you need to play bad guys. Bad guys. You need to play. But this is a bad guy, but also has funny traits. Well, bad guys don't think they're bad. That's why he's so damn fun.

Tony Montana. You play somebody trying to get, the bad guy, you play a couple ways. One, if you're playing a bad guy, if you're playing a bad guy, If you're playing a guy who interrogates you and tortures you, the play in 1984, I think, where he's got to get the answers. Right. Otherwise, I have to put the rat cage on your head. Now, the reason I can play that is because I'm right.

And I don't want to do this. I don't. Right. Right. And so I'm hoping you, cooperate. I don't want anything to do with this. That's it, right?

I don't want to get my hands dirty. This is, and you play it almost like, you play it like a doctor with good bedside manner. Yeah. My intentions are good and I just want us to, everyone wins here. Yeah, and I know you have good excuses. And I know there's a reason you don't want to talk.

And I'd be the same way. Yeah, without doubt. But here we are. Here we are. So you play it like that. or or you play it like a guy like Tony Montana who says to himself I'm not a bad guy I'm just a realist in a bad world right and so the difference between me and a good man is I take shortcuts the good man doesn't have the balls to take hey everybody's a piece of shit it's just good people don't have the balls you fuck with me

and I'm going to teach you the laws of nature because I live in the laws of nature. I live in the jungle. You know, that's the other way to justify it. No, then that's a good one. The reason why I know you would, there was, it's funny, I was talking to my daughter about this, it's also because you've encountered emotions

that you may not have experienced physically, but you have put yourself there. I have, I have too. You got to be able to think like that. No, you've got to be able to think like that. I'll give you, for instance, there was one scene in there where I insisted I have to, I want to show how they brought this good moral guy

to the stage where he's willing to go as far and dark as possible. Yeah. And I wanted an imaginary scene of me tormenting this human being. Because I did it multiple times in my head. Mm-hmm. I captured him. Yeah.

And he, this was not a fun time for him. Yeah. But now he's going to pay for what he put me through. Yeah. And my daughter, a couple years ago, she was very angry with my wife's teenager and blah, blah, and blah, she goes, Dad, you want to hear the music? did I listen to when I'm angry at mom? Like, sure, yeah, let me hear what you got.

You know, because also you want to keep the pulse on us, how nuts are your kids going out there. Yeah. So she plays it and I go, oh, you want to hear my music when I think of how I want and what I want to do to so-and-so? I'll never forget it. I play the song. I think it's like five-finger death punch.

Yeah. it's like click click boom unload reload is the whole it's so dark and I just remember my daughter going oh my god

daddy's dark dad but that's great to bring into a film that's great to bring into yeah were you looking at the lyrics well a lot of times

you're the fiercest warriors I know the I know I think the drummer of five finger death punch or a guitarist, a great guy. A lot of times, the best warriors are the ones that can love the hardest. The people I know who are the scariest

are the ones that love hard. And when somebody can love hard and they really love hard, they hate just as hard. So you take a guy who loves his family a lot. And if there's a threat to that family, They, you know, my favorite is bring up Tim Kennedy on Joe Rogan. I'll wear your skin.

Damn. Yeah. Tim Kennedy, Green Beret, but also like a high-level MMA fighter and just so good at violence and did a lot of stuff after that. Did a lot of stuff, which I can't talk about. But just listen to him. Yeah. Yeah. Let's just see.

Let's be the gardener in the war. Let's call Spade of Spade of Spade. I will wear your skin. I will destroy everything about your life. I will salt the fields. I'm talking like scorched earth, permanent destruction, everything that you love if you come at me or towards mine.

But inversely, my kids will never have, understand the level of violence that I'm capable of to be as kind and as gentle as I am to them. Yeah. You know, a good man isn't a useless man. A good man is a man that is capable of violence but chooses to be kind, chooses to be graceful.

And I 100% of a green subscribe. Be a monster and learn how to control. Would you rather be the card? Be a monster and learn how to control it. There are men out there that are so good at violence. They can, like, like, I've tried to do jiu-jitsu with him and stuff like that. Yeah. It's so embarrassing.

It's just embarrassing. Like, there are men that can do anything they want to. And you're like- That is true. But that's also probably what they came from. Or they saw something. It's also that they're physically like, I'm a bonobo, and they're a fucking silverback.

I'm a bonobo who wants to swill wine, eat good food and love. And there are some people. No, I'm wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with it. But then you've got the chimps. You've got those chimps that understand that the world is, they're in the mix.

Like when the barbarians are at the gate, the Spartans are activated. And Spartans are like, kill it a dish. No, I want to smell his breath. You know, those are the men that just go, they're built for just that, you know, those guys who are like, and they just run into the fray. Not me.

I'm the one on the wall with a long gun, just going, I guess I'll pick him off from here. When was the last time you lost your cool? The reason I say that is because I feel like I'm very balanced. I'm a God guy and all that, but I had my, my, I thought it was gone, it happened recently. Really? Yes. I want to hear about it.

Because the only time I lost my cool was recently was about a year ago, maybe six, eight months ago, and I had a friend of mine who I've known for a long time telling me he can't be friends with me anymore because I support Trump. And I called him and I said, first of all, don't say I support Trump. You don't know anything about my politics. Right. And also, there are some things about Trump that I might support. and there are other things I don't.

Sure. And I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm,

don't paint me as this far right, like I, like the press does and all that shit. That's what happens. Don't, don't, tell me I'm just right wing. No, I'm not.

I'm, I'm, an amalgam of things. I, ask me what, what, on what subject? Right. On what subject? Right. You know, I'm,

I'm pretty damn in the middle and probably left over here and right, for reasons that overall, I want the world to be a better place. So, no, I'm not, I'm not a loyalist to any team. Me either.

I'm not, I'm not a, I'm not a, I'm not all in over here at all. But boy, oh boy, when you, when you say something like, I don't think children should be allowed to transition because their brains aren't developed, or you say, you're far right. Yeah, that's, that's, that's, this is all this bullshit. That was a well-designed plan. Yeah. So I got, I got really mad at him at for, for questioning that, that I wasn't sort of like, I'm doing my best to be a fair person in the world.

And you just want to take literally a 40-year friendship and throw it out the window because you think I, because I posted some things or he saw a clip of me saying something that was more conservative than it was liberal. Let's take a little break. This podcast is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. You choose to hit play on this podcast today, smart choice. Progressive loves to help people make smart choices. That's why they offer a tool called AutoCrom.

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Of the truth. Well, casualties of the war that we're all in the middle of. You can call it a mind control or spiritual. That's how I define it. Me too. And unfortunately, there's a lot of casualties right there. Yeah. And listen, I was one of them too where I was trying to figure everything out.

I'm not a. I don't believe in any governments. I'm at that point. I was there. I was there. And then the first time Trump came around, a lot of my friends, like, you got to look at him. He's different. Blah, blah, blah.

Definitely, definitely got my attention. Yeah. Then came the next madness. That made me foam at the mouth. Hungry. You tell me to get vaccinated. You're bullying me to give vaccinated. get vaccinated.

You're, you're, you're condemning me if I'm not on every front. You're, whatever, whatever happened.

I'm also being censored. I was also being censored. It was gender. There was a lot of things going on. And until recently, now I got, in my opinion, like,

okay, they're all, it is all one team. We really, it's all just, okay, get them, get over here,

do the ice first the no eyes. Because the ice team will think they're the good guys and the non-ice team will think they're the good guys and this fight will continue while we... Bully, bully! While we continue doing what we do behind. More mutton, please, more much.

Blood in your mouth. Blood in your mouth. Send me more chicken wings. So true, bro. So that is, you know, here it comes the list. Oh, it needs to bomb, come on. Hamas, everything, they're going to El Salvador. Look that way.

Brum, brun, brun, the Muslims are bad. The Muslims have bad. Iran's got weapons of destructions since 1980. Every five years, I've got to kill the world. It is such a show for me. Yeah. For me. It's just like, it's a think tank.

You're talking about the beginning with the commercials? Yeah. This is no different, like, what's you? we get them running around in circles for and the next one? Well, we continue. The head fake, the misdirect. Yes. Well, I'll take all this over here. You look over there. Yeah, more digital

ID. They're ruining everything. Those people over there, those have-nots are ruining everything. Yes. What? What do you mean? I game the system. Yes. I liken it to, like, I have this bit about, I want to be a big guy, so if I'm in shallow water, I can put my smaller friends on my shoulders against their will. That's how you just assert your dominance.

You're going on my shoulders. I don't want to. And you got him on your shoulders and you're just walking around. But it's like, you know how you're on a big guy's shoulders and he's got your ankles and you can't get off? And he's like, and then he makes you fight another beta on a big guy's shoulders, like in the pool. He's like, you're fighting that guy.

It's like, I don't want to. You're doing it. You're doing it now. And you're like, oh, sorry, I got to do this. It's like, as Americans, I feel like we're both on teams. We're both put on some bigger guy's shoulders. you have to fight the other guy. I can't sit in the waters of nuance. I got to be like, you believe in global warming. You think it's a hoax. Guns are for fucking,

guns are the best. Guns are for nuts. Fight. And I can't, I can't be remotely a little, can we have a discussion? Can we talk about like being kind of in the sensible mental? No. No. You're not getting clicks that way, fucker. Yeah, but I think that's the, I think that's a well-designed, infiltrated plan. From the very beginning. Yeah. Just from my own. Divide and conquer, right? Just 100% and we're the country that has to be divided and where the country that has to be conquered. And the unfortunate part is everyone trust all the leaders. You trust the leader no matter what.

They sound amazing. They certainly told us the things that we wanted to hear. Like I live in Florida. They came out with this whole, there'll be no more spraying chemicals in the sky. and it's a federal offense and you'd be arrested. I come out every day. And it's just 50 lines that turn into a haze. And then it's only around the sun area.

And then you get the people like, they're con trails, you moron. That's why your career's in the gutter. And you're like, okay, whatever. They're all just showmen. They're just showmen. We're all conned. We're all con.

Think of how much tax. We pay. Didn't we fight to not pay tax anymore? Yeah. It's all a con job. And we fall for it. You know what blew my mind? Going to places like certain countries in Africa,

where I'd hear the guy go, well, you know, we have issues with China because they're buying everything up and they don't use our people. However, America did send $400 billion. Oh, okay. Then I was in Belize. I have friends in Belize. I like Belize.

I love Belize. My friends were there and where they lived, the roads only went about, they live on a peninsula. So the roads only went maybe 10 miles and that it was, it was, you need a four wheel. I just went back recently and they built the roads for miles and miles and miles into the jungles and everything and they started this whole infrastructure. I went and they were building sidewalks where he lives. And where did that come from? Oh, America sent whatever billion dollars, but they had to spend it by December. And then that's when I started realizing, like, are we the ones working for the whole world?

These guys keep us conning in front. fighting each other while they come take your paycheck and they're investing and hiding money everywhere. If they're doing it in Belize and they're doing it in Louis-Country's Africa and they're sending it to whatever, the eye country or whoever's fighting Russia. How much... Well, a lot of times... Of our time and money.

So a lot of times, aid, like when they talk about aid. It's all bullshit. But it's also like you hire American companies to create the aid. So politicians love it because you keep your constituencies at work. Right. So if you're going to build, if you have to, you're going to give weapons to somebody. American companies build those weapons. You understand?

Or like, so it's like, hey, I will make those. So when they talk about that stuff, it's all money that goes circulates back in the economy. That's why it's so easy to vote on it. But that's what, that's what drives me nuts. Again, you know, I, there's a clip out this week. I used to, I get why they made fun of him or tried to kill him. Barb Marley. Bob Marley said something.

All governments, and people can't wrap their heads around this because they're like, you need government. All governments are illegal. All laws are illegal. And it's a tough thing to really think about. But you talk about Somalia, they're all to come from villages, tribes. Clans, yeah. When we were growing up, you had neighborhoods. Everyone looked after each other.

this is this is turned into something completely different it's an overpowering control and it's an overpowering of theft stealing they're taking they're grinding you while they're still entertaining you why you think the Muslims are taking over why you think the transitioning is going on here and the ice and this it's all in my opinion a very well designed plan to take this nation out. But sometimes also ideas can develop, ideas can become a virus. Like ideas can get into the minds of people

and they somehow, so if you can create a simplistic idea with the right packaging. Well, let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. I don't mean you cut you up. All that money we make like, you know, like now, like, oh, we're going to go bomb,

I ran, whatever they're yelling about and whoever the new boogeyman, art. Think if we spent that much time and energy into teaching one another through television, through media, through social media, how to start taking care of one another, and how to build things for the better rather than defense of war. Not as sexy. Look. To who? I'll show you. You never had a chance. You're right. We don't have a chance. So the owners of all that are the demons. If you want to make a difference in the world.

So the enemy is never that sexy. The enemy is usually this, the enemy, like if you really wanted to save lives, you'd spend a whole lot of your time, not on stopping racism, but actually on combating diabetes. Now that's not sexy tackling heavyset Americans and lecturing them on their pancreas. but you know if you had a if you had a movie a marvel movie where your favorite character was was instead of killing nazis was like got to solve this insulin resistance problem in america in canada these people are eating too much i ain't watching that movie so some it's just not as sexy some of it's like like like john mcmorder was talking about the civil rights movement and yeah martin luther king is martin luther king today right is his day and he was an amazing speaker

and we cite him a lot but the the differences the actual differences. When you look at what made a difference on the ground for average black people or people of color, it wasn't the speeches. It was the shit behind the scenes. It's the stuff that you had to roll your sleeves up with and deal with the nitty-gritty of how to be effective in lawmaking and in how to get something through to a committee and that committee has one person that tends to be hard to deal with it.

It was a thousand things like that. So when you get into the surgery of it with your scaler, and you actually want to make a difference, man, is it tedious? Some of it is just hard work. It has to be all rebooted. Because all of it comes down to money. It comes out of money, but it also comes down to your emotions. If one side of politics can appeal to your emotions and simplify the enemy,

simplify the problem, and make the problem resonate with you deeply, and I fall for this shit all the time. This guy was talking about how he went to a gym. and he and he goes to the gym and the gym was a gym but it had a hundred foot climbing wall. Yeah. He's not a climber. He's never climbed. He's not going to go to the gym to climb a wall, but it had a hundred foot climbing wall. Yeah. Guess what? He went back to his wife and he goes, got to join this gym. She's like, why he goes, well, it's got a hundred foot climbing wall. And she was like, really? That climbing wall is what everybody talked about. They didn't use it,

but they talked about it. And if you can, if you can, if your message has, a hundred foot climbing wall in it. Trump's really good at that. Trump was talking about how the Haitians were eating dogs. Now, that's not a problem facing America. America's not, you can't pay your mortgage. You needy dogs. The reason you can't afford a house has nothing to do with the

eating the dogs, they're eating the cats. That has nothing to do with it, bro. But all of a sudden, we're like, hey, what the fuck, bro? These fucking left-wingers are pro-doggy. eating. It's like, wait, hold on. They're eating dogs while we're bombing other countries and selling bombs to them. Head fake, right? But they're eating dogs.

It's a head fake. It's a fucking head fake. It's a head fake. Yes. Right? I knew he was going to win when, when, fucking Bloomberg, who did so well with New York City, and he goes, eh, you know, he wants, look, I'll debate Mike Bloomberg, but he wants a stool. He wants a stool so he can stand

on and be as tall as me, and I just think he should just be short. Why doesn't he just let himself be short? Now, you know, Bloomberg did that's for a stool, but that's Trump's genius. You lost, bro. You don't have to debate him. You lost. He just said you need a stool and you demanded a stool and you won't debate him without a stool. That's a lie.

It's a lie. But it's a genius lie. It's fucking great. He goes, if he gets a stool, I should get a stool. Just be short. What are you worried about? Yeah, it's how over you. Not a big deal. You're done. Bloomberg was like, I'm out of the race. Well, all I'm saying is I hope there comes a time where no matter what decisions they make,

they're not allowed to make those decisions without like an arena open forum. Can you imagine? Problem with that is the founding fathers didn't like that because it's a democracy. It's a pure democracy, not a republic. And the problem with democracies is people get hot. And when people get hot, they'll burn witches.

They'll just, they get so. The Americans and all people are like this, fucking, let's get these fuckers. Yeah, witches, witches. And then six months later, they're like, now that was mean. It's like my thing with Venezuela. Like, all right, let's go.

Let's fucking go. We're going to do this thing. I have a little bit about this. We're going to get Maduro. We're like, yeah, America. We did it. And then like, now they don't have a ruler. And it's like, yeah.

A mile from now will be like, Venezuela. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Is it going bad? Like, we have to get with our attention span. I lost a lot of, not a hope, but trust in any leader. You've been to Rwanda? No, but I hear.

It's a very clean. If you go to Rwanda, well, I feel like they're the test of, they were digital ID loan before. Yeah. There's certain countries that are a test or rollout. Kigali's addicted. But what's on the way. When we went there, we had to get tested for COVID. And you had to go straight to your hotel room and you had to be face identified and you couldn't come out of your hotel room until the government said you're clear.

and it could take up the 24 hours so you can I got news for England did the same thing Yeah well what I was getting what I was getting at was During that time I went to the museum where basically They were infiltrated by by a foreign country Or foreign people and they create a civil war there They never had issues but millions

children. You're talking about the Rwanda genocide? Yes. Yeah, between the Hutu and the Tuesday. And we sat there and just went, hey, you know, this is a buck. And then, of course, who funds the museum, Clinton Foundation? When I went to Africa a couple years ago,

I was talking with them and some of the guys, locals and some of the camps, I just started picking their brains. Like, who's your favorite? Who's your favorite African? Who do you think they picked? Of like all time. Let me, it's, if it was Mandela, I would, I wouldn't be surprised.

It wasn't. It wasn't. Hold on. Who is their favorite African? Hold on. And this is currently, you asked. When did you ask? This was, I asked this about four years ago.

Who is your favorite African? Man, is it a sports figure or a musician? Muma Gaddafi. Muma Gaddafi. And I said, why? Wow. And I record it. I said, why?

Because he gave to the Africans and he, everything was free and he was going to build for all of Africa. And he wasn't in our system. I said, well, we were told by our trusted politicians and how our mighty country, he was a terrorist. and we took him out. And they go, yes, we remember. And I said, well, what is Libya like now? Oh, it's a winter wonderland.

They said it's the biggest human trafficking. Yeah. In all of that. So think about that. Here we are. That's why I don't trust any politicians. I don't trust news. I don't trust any of the system.

Because here we were told, this huge boogeyman who's taking care of his people but we were told he's a monster we need to replace him we replace him and he went from taking care of his people

to now the highest biggest sex trafficking areas in the world and we were behind that dude that frightens me that frightens me that spooky with all your with your view of the world you were saying that you lost your cool

did it have something to do with that no it had something to do with that no it had something to do and not get my mail so we nice deflection but we'll go there we'll go with the mailman no because i was thinking i was thinking i wanted to see if you're because you've had this sea change and how you see the world i do and and and i and i there's not a lot you could do maybe you lost your shit over no had that view of the world and you feel powerless or i feel powerless that can that can lead to rage that's why that's why i made here's where the rage happened i wasn't getting my mail for like a couple of

couple months, right? Or I was getting a mail, one getting certain packages. And I live in a development where all the mail goes in one, like there's one box for it all. So it's not like I know the mailman. Yeah. I don't see him drop it off during the day. A lot of times I'm not there and he drops it off. And you have to go to the box and get it with like a hundred other people. Yeah. So I noticed October a couple friends of mine like, hey, did you guys? get the shirts we sent you? No. And then they got it back. And I said, hey, it says returned. Is this your address?

I'm like, yeah, that's my address. Send it again. Sends it again. It gets sent back again. Dude, that's weird. I didn't think much. I thought, ah, whatever, whatever. Maybe there's something wrong with them. Well, and my wife starts noticing, you know, I ordered this and I ordered that. And these packages haven't come for a while. well

she then the one day the package was supposed to come she looks on the door cam sees our mailman with an attitude bang in the door door above gives a little shove in one of the boxes that are on her thing

he just looks angry he looks like he's having a tough day right yeah it's I've never met him so we all have tough days right I never met him so it can't be personal I haven't met the guy right so

she goes, she goes to post office, hey, I just noticed we're missing like nine packages. And when she started calling the places, they all said return to send her. And a couple of the packages that she ordered, they no longer hold that product. So she was like, well, what the, I wanted that product. And then it was a pain he asked to get the money back and blah, blah, blah, all because our packages aren't coming. We're being sent back to sender. Yeah.

So she went there, and I said, what happened? She's like, oh, you know, they said, she gave me an attitude. The supervisor was telling me I need to check the mail more often. And, you know, our mailman says we don't check the mail. And I'm like, that doesn't make any sense. That's crazy. So whatever, I just assume now I get a letter from the insurance of this place I rent out. You know, you're not going to get your insurance.

We've sent this twice, and it keeps getting sent back. I'm like, what the, that's my address. So now I'm like, dude, had a check or two. That was sent back to return and said, and now I'm seeing Christmas cards, just Christmas cards from family. And it says, whatever it said. Yeah. It was like unclaimed.

Yeah. now I'm pissed. Like now this guy pissed me off. Yeah. Because we already went to the supervisor and a supervisor didn't do Jack. So this is on the mailman. I don't know. Okay.

I just want to know. Yeah. Is it personal? Is he not like me? Is he like, oh, that's a guy who's a comedian or he might have said this and blah? I don't know. I have no clue. So mailman, I just come back from the boxing.

yeah you're feeling your hands are feeling light okay but light but heavy at the same time but this is the part that frightens me because i am 59 58 i am i'm well balanced and i and i know i've i've reached this part in the world i don't watch television i don't watch politics this is why i want to go on tour i don't want to talk about any of this stuff i just want us to all laugh and get through right yeah i go up to the mailman okay hey man you you you you you don't know you you you you my mailman? Guy insured. Like, no,

I'm not your mailman. I go, so you're not my regular man. Because no, I'm not, that'd be so-and-so. And, you know,

I'm just in this section for right now. What, okay? You know, how does a package get sent back to the scent? I don't know, this guy's starting to piss me off because I'm getting employees.

He's like, I, I don't want to, I'm not your guy. Huh. Already now I'm going, what are you hiding? So he goes, if you want to talk to him, he's three blocks away in your neighborhood.

He's at the other box. I went, okay. So I'm going to, my wife goes, my wife is born again. Yeah. Okay. So be Christ consciousness. Christ, I'm. Holy Ghost power, brother.

Give love. Correct. Shoot love out of your chest. So she goes, well, I can see to myself, Christ consciousness. I'm a God guy. I'm always like, whoa. Until the 50. package.

Until the fifth package didn't show up. And my Christmas cards and checks. Right. I'm not turning the other cheek, motherfucker. So I go, so I roll, she says to me, Jim, before you go, make sure you pray about this. I went, hon. Okay. I already did.

I got, right. I had sweat dripping. And take the, take the berser makeup off your face. You're not Mel Gibson and Braveheart. I'm just, I just want to have. talk with him and take the hand wraps off i just want to talk to the man and that's all i want to do it's all i want to do well this is where so i go so i roll up and sure enough i see his van now you got to you got to so i pull up behind the van so the van's here and there's houses here

and here's like water and the mailboxes and he's got his head down and he's He's looking at him out. He's putting this slot, putting in that slot. And I come walking in it. And on my life, I went, just talk. Just let's be cool. You lost it. You were a little aggressive with the other guy.

Chill out, dude. You're right. I walk off to him. I couldn't have been any more meek. I went, hey, my name is Jim. On my life, he goes, yeah, I know who you are. won't even look at me and I went no I'm in the other neighborhood

and he goes yeah I know who you are I was proud of myself at that moment I went well Jim Brewer I said well as well you should sir I don't understand yeah I don't know if you know some of my resume but I shall tell it I shall bring my ego back

just give him some CDs of your specials your DVDs there you go I'll sign them for you no no one watches some a movie called Baked. It was a movie 40 years ago. You might want to watch it. Yeah.

Pretty popular. Go on. So go on. So he's not looking at it. So he's not looking at me. And I said, hey, I just, I don't understand what's going on with the mail. I don't understand how it ends. So you need to check your mail, man.

I said, I do check my mail. That's the thing. Like I, even on the door cam that day, I saw you. And then he said something like, well, you know, your wife, already talked to you go talk supervisor whoever you talked there and i went all i want to know is i don't understand why how does it go from is it go from your hands back to the post office and the post office sends it back who is taking our packages and sending them back to the sender without any even notified and he goes man i i i i'm not a rookie i've been doing this like 15 years i'm going to

And the whole time, Brian, he's like this. He won't even, he's like, you know, I haven't been doing it. I've been doing this a long time. I don't need to talk to you. I go, so now the, now the blood's starting to go. Yeah. And I'm like, you're a 59, you're going to be 59. Yeah.

This is not worth it. Be a good, humble human being. Yeah. I didn't pray. Yeah. But I was, I mean, I'm being a good guy. Uh-huh. I start walking away.

And then I turned around. I go like this. can you do me in favor for whatever reason if the mailbox is packed or for whatever reason and granted my house

is directly the end of the driveway is the mailbox for the entire neighborhood so he doesn't even have to go he doesn't even have to he has to walk from gear 20 feet if there's an issue with a box

or just leaving the driveway I say can you just like either leave a note or he goes that ain't gotta do that man that's not you you're the one that needs to check your mail and that's when I'm not proud of it no I get it but after a while you're like what the fuck is going on and that's I said dude what the fuck you're a problem dude and that's that's when uh even then even then he went talk to me like that he goes you talk to me like that can fuck out of here man

fuck out of here and I went Dude, I just got out of boxing. I walked away, went to the car, then came back. Yeah. And apologized. I went, hey, it's the holidays. I apologize for so.

I apologize. I'm just really angry. And he's in the van. He's going, fuck out of here, man. Get the fuck out of here. here. Bro. This is where you,

this is, this is where you have to determine. Yeah. Is it worth the jail time? Is it worth? The jail time. The jail time. It might be.

For, for my, for my Christmas card maybe? Yeah. Well, I, I popped off. Yeah.

You know, your mother, you dish, you can, let him do it. His mother. But I threw it his mother hard.

Got to do it. I think I said in your mouth. It was bad. Sure. Not proud of it. However. Your mother acts the same way. I did leave.

After clearly saying things about his mother and himself that I thought he was. Yeah. Did you solve the mail problem? Well, here's what I learned if anyone has issues with the mail. You don't go to the post office and you don't talk to that person because they will always, always back the carrier. matter what. Whether they're right or wrong. This is what I was told.

And this is the American post office. Yes. Okay. U.S. Post Office. Yeah. One of my fans is a postal worker that delivers mail. God bless you, sir.

Her. God bless you, ma'am. She. Love her. Reaches out. I tell the story, she reaches out and says, Jim, let me ask some questions first. And all the questions were clear. And she's like, I don't know.

then did he ever, and she showed me, did he ever give you this notice that says, we have your mail and you have 10 days to get it, but it's sitting here, come claim your mail for 10 days. No, I didn't get any of that. So she goes, well then, you need to go to the higher rank,

which is, I'm not going to waste time and tell you what, I'd have to look and find it. Yeah. But it's a higher like attorney. That's the big dog. so and you go on there and you have to fill out a report i felt dude they called me in like 20 minutes wow mr brewer what's going on i said i told him the whole story a whole style even the ugly part yeah i said i'm gonna lie to you got a little got a little after i said i'm my father's soul

froggy with him yeah yeah yeah my father's soul up until this moment i was very like hey just tell me what's going on and he was ne too bad it's on you that that And I said, all right. And he goes, and I said, and then, you know, I said, your mother, you this and that. I didn't insult his mother. I was very, I'm not proud of this moment.

I'm not, I'm not proud of it. To be fair, his mother's a real whore. Yeah, yeah, I went into his mother hard. It was bad. So, I'm not proud of it. So he says, listen, I'm your guy from now on with you mail any issues. I'm going to talk with him.

and the first thing that the post office should have said was they had a mark on your mailbox because your wife left a package in there in October for like over a week so for some reason they made some weird mark on it so certain packages just don't show up anymore maybe the ones that need a sign signature and the fact he goes and the fact that they didn't tell her that

or unmarked is a serious issue and I'm going to address that I don't understand why they didn't do that Interesting. But that's where it's... So this guy was just doing his job. Sort of. He's not supposed to send packages back. Uh-huh.

All right? Uh-huh. So with that said, he goes... I said, can I ask some... Is there something going on in this guy's life? Yeah. I go, is it personal? That's a good Christian question.

I said, I feel maybe there's something going on his life and he's taken out. Otherwise, it's me and I don't know. I've never met the guy. And he's like, you know, then maybe, you know what? you know what, I feel bad. I want to talk to. He said, no, I'm going to talk to him. I said, now I'm going to leave him something.

He goes, nah, he has a no contact because he should have never acted that way. Yeah. He should have never acted that way. That could have got bad real quick. Yes. And he goes, but here's what the scenario is. However, I said, isn't how amazing how just a simple conversation we settled this in less than three minutes when my wife went to the post office?

That's it. showed a video just wants her packages I go to the mailman I come there just asking questions what and they all gave an attitude

and they all wanted to be confrontational and here we just settled the whole thing and we're all happy family again that's all I wanted I'm surprised with you it's really that simple

I'm surprised with you people you're a comic so they're gonna like you right away you know but I don't think they knew who I was maybe and even if they didn't the simplicity

of just just being kind. It's just easier. It's so much easier. I can never stay mad as my problem. Like if I have a competition like that. I'm long past.

Really? In the past I could stay long. I don't have staying power. I don't have staying power. I don't anymore. It's been gone for very long time. Yeah. Very long time.

Yeah. Because you go, well, my joke is like, you know, I practice jiu-jitsu and I'm never going to fight a man on the street because I have perspective now. So if you're going to give me a hard time, I'd be like, you're not mad at me, young man. You're mad at the world. Correct.

But it's true. True. Yeah. Bro, if martial arts, I'm going to say, probably saved my ass. Did you, did you train? Huh? Did you train martial arts? When I was younger. Yeah. But I took, uh, sensei, sensei Romeo. They were like, they were, I like that, like green beret, crazy. Yeah. They just got to take somebody's eye out and shit. No right. touching there there you stick the knife here yeah fuck but what i loved about loved and hated about romeo was he would give he'd make everyone just listen to him he'd give the sem he would walk around the room talk and he'd always dude freaked me out because he'd look always look deep into me

and i remember one of the things he said he goes just because you have these weapons now he goes the real warrior is the mind warrior and he would look right at me when he'd say it he goes it's the ones that have a deeper sense of reality that know how to talk their way out of a situation and manipulate through the mind and power and you know he'd say that and i didn't really think much of it caught to had to be let's see this 18 28 had to be almost 30 years later i'm playing in Denver, right? Yeah. The comedy works.

Yeah. I bring my, March. I bring my dad along now because he's in his 80s. And I want him to see as much as he can. So great. Right. And everywhere he'd go, the staff was like, I'd come offstage.

Like, where's my dad? Oh, the staff, I can work? So last night, can we go out? Yeah, all right, we'll all go out. You know, he's old, though, and blah, blah. Love it. Now, the stat, that day, I went into the gym while he was napping. Brian, I don't know what this is.

I will never forget this the rest of my life. I'm sitting there at the edge of the bench, right? And all-sun, Sensei Romeo, that whole speech comes into my head, and I'm just zoning out listening to him, right? And I don't know why. Like that, when it was, you know when you're driving? Yeah.

And then you don't, after why, you're like, holy shit, how did I get here? It's all automatic. This is, I'm in the gym and I just sat down and I'm watching by myself in my head, Sensei Romeo, that whole thing about mind and controlling the situation. It's not about you. It's about something else. And when it was over, I'm like, wow, that was weird.

Dude, if anyone saw me, Zoning. So I was just kind of went back to working out. Like, why that night, the staff takes us out to some bar. No one's in there. There's a really big, like, biker vest looking guy behind the bar. And I got my dad, my dad's, I'm at the end of the table, long table.

Here's the window at the street. The bartender's there, and the staff is kind of around me. And my dad, in his 80s, is sitting right here. This guy walks by the window and he stares at me. He's got leather. knuckles on, full-blown biker, sees me, comes in the door, and I'm thinking he's going to go, hey, man, can I get a picture?

Sensei Romeo. He reaches across my father, grabs my shirt, he's like, you, outside. We'll fucking kill you right now. And he's pulling him like, hey, man, what the fuck? Like, what's amazing? He's like, outside right now. I'm going to kill you, you know, disrespect family. I'm like, what is, like, what is going on right now?

Now, the staff, yeah, who some of them were gay. Yeah. And thank God, the gay ones were like, you get out, you know, they were like, get out of here. And I was like, there's no way they're going to, like, this guy's going to kill them. And the more they would try to help, the more they're like, what's your problem? Get on out of here. The anger of he, I want to talk to here. Shut the fuck.

He would go off on them and call them names. And my guys, guys, guys, guys, everybody. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, I got it. I got it. You want to talk to me? Let's go outside and talk. Let's go outside and talk. It's okay.

Right fucking outside. We go walking outside. All I can think about is as we walked out the door, I sized up the bricks, like the shape of the bottom of the building. Yeah. and where my head was going to hit. I saw my life. Oh, no.

And I was like, I got to try to fall that way. Yeah. So I don't die. And I was more worried about my father. Yeah, he's going to try to. He's going to stroke out. He's going to,

my father's, this is traumatizing. Yeah. Right. The guy's been in World War II. grew up and he'd go through all through life. And this is how he's going to watch his son being taken out. So I go outside.

He's big. man, big man. I'm gonna I'm 5'10. He was probably like 6.4. Yeah. Right? Because I was looking up at him. Big boy. Yeah. And he's like, you know, disrespect family.

You know. I said, okay, okay, listen, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no clue what you're talking about. So you got to help me out here. If I disrespected you, I own up to it. I just, I used, I was at the show tonight. I said, okay.

Okay. And what happened? He goes, you disrespect to my sister. Who, who, who is, I don't, who was your sister? She fucking passed out. Now I know exactly who he's talking about. Yeah. His sister in the middle of the show, all I heard was glass breaking and people going, Oh my God, oh my God.

So I didn't know if it was a fight. Yeah. I don't know what was going on. Yeah. You know, lights are in you. I can't see. And then what happened was, I looked and was, is she okay? Everything okay?

And I think she's just drunk. But is she okay? I asked it multiple times. Is she okay, though? Yeah. And they stood her up. Like, oh, okay. Oh, my God.

Sweetie, you're going to be okay. And they started walking her out. Yeah. And then while they were walking her out, I was like, this is, I'm glad she's okay, but the night's just starting where her. Like this was the easy part. Now it's the spans and she's going to be peeing and blah, blah, blah. Okay.

And everyone starts laughing and blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And he took that person. Well. He's an asshole. Well. Oh, all right. Okay.

He goes like this. He goes, uh, he goes, uh, you know, my sister. I went, okay, let me ask you something. Your sister, yeah, she's okay. I said, I have a sister too. And again, let me explain my. side because you would make fun of her she said you make fun of her and everyone's laughing he sounds like so dumb but go on he had leather knuckles on yeah he sounds so he had leather knuckles

on the leather best oh boy he's six four it doesn't matter how dumb he is that's the problem he's going to kill me that's the problem right he's just so he goes so i said but, Sensei Romeo, I go, I don't know why I was so calm. I was so calm. Yeah, because it's... And I went, let me just state my case.

And if you feel at the end that I disrespected you, by all means, you do what you gotta do. I totally respect that. I have family, and we're getting a whole family, and I got family, da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, you got a mirror. I'm my dad in there, blah, blah, blah, okay?

So when you're, when your sister fell, Well, if you remember, all eyes were on her. Were they not? Yeah, it was embarrassing. Yeah, I can imagine. I go, all I heard was smitten. What did I ask over and over? What did I ask?

You ask if she was all right. I asked that multiple times, right? Now, what did they do? They picked her up. Some people were snickering. Some people were laughing. And everyone was starting to watch her as she left. Now, all eyes were on her.

her. Now my job is to take those eyes off of her and put them back on me. That's right. I go and if you remember, I never said anything vicious about her. All I said was, wow, thank God that's the worst thing that happened. If anything, her night is just like that. And then I talked about, as you guys, we leave it, which is all true. And I put everyone's eyes back on me and they forgot about her as they transition. I would never, ever do that to anyone in that position. Dude, the guy starts crying. Oh.

My life starts crying. And he goes like this. He had a flip phone. Will you talk to my girlfriend and tell her I'm not going to jail tonight? What? My girlfriend came and I said

I was going to go to jail after I fucked you up. And I'm on... My sister is. I don't want to talk to Johnny. some wasted sister-in-law. That's how good. That sounds like that's going to work out for them in the long run.

It was a long time ago. You just stumbled across just a family of disaster. Disaster. That's the kind of shit where you just get sucked into this. People that feel so, they're so fucked up that they have to bleed into, they got to find somebody to blame for their fucked upness. One little detail. but the martial arts saved my life right there.

Well, yeah, because that's fighting. At the end of the day. That's fighting. So I was talking to some soldiers, some guys who know the difference. And this Maduro raid in Venezuela with the Delta Force. Yeah. I said, what is it that makes them so special?

And they said, you know, look, I mean, at the end of the day, they're training, like they can, nobody's like them. Like, in a gunfight, the only thing that stops them from killing everybody is running out of ammo. You don't have a chance.

No matter who you're, oh, you're Cuban Special Forces. It's 101. You're all dying. They don't need their size. They can see and all that. But I talked to another guy who really knows Delta. And I said, what is it, though?

What's the difference? He said, they're exact. I said, what do you mean? He goes, they're just exact. It's one thing to be able to go in and kill, like, you know, shoot really well. It's another thing to be able to go into a very high pressure, life and death situation.

and know exactly who not to kill. And I was like, damn, making those decisions in a split second, knowing exactly where, knowing if you really actually have to kill anybody. A lot of times they'll come in and nobody dies. It's just because they had a job to do and it's that surgical. But they are able to think and react on a level that none of us can because they probably have a wiring for it begin with.

That's why they got invited into Delta, but also then they just train that, train it on a different level. It's not that they're all muscle heads. No. A lot of them look like kind of just kind of regular white guys. But it's a different thing, man. It's a whole thing.

And so that kind of martial art, the real, I had a guy explaining me about knife. He was telling me how you kill with a knife. He goes, he said, you know, you're sitting in the throat like that and you cut like that. You got to fight on your hands. I mean, you'd kill the guy, but a lot of times, you'd be surprised guys can take shit.

It's where you stab, which is like the stab here. It's a different thing. it's going to take them a while. You stab here, they're going to die. You stab here, they lose hydraulics in eight seconds. There's a whole different, there's a whole different way of doing it. But like, yeah, like being exact, being and knowing when not to. And most importantly, how do you get yourself in a position?

Like good boxers, you can't hit them. The reason you can't hit them is because they are putting themselves in a position where you are not able to, like, they know how to stop. where you're off balance. And then they get you to step where they're in balance and you're off balance. That's why box is a foot game. It's not a box. It's not punching.

It's where you punch from. You see guys who can kill mitts. Ba-b-b-b-b-b-b-bh doesn't mean a thing. Right. To boxers, they're like, yeah, I know, but I'm not going to be standing there. I wish I took jihitsu. I wish I learned jihitsu. Yeah.

Because to me, that's the safest to learn. Not the safest, but I feel like no matter what, that's the one, because you can be a street fight all you want. Yeah. I've been in those. A couple of things. But once you're on the ground and somebody knows, I'm dead. Yes.

I'm dead. Yeah. There are guys, yeah, that six foot four guy, there are guys, the minute they touch you there, yeah. He ain't let go when I'm doing this. But the good jiu-jitsu guys who look like nothing and they're skinny. Yeah, I don't like those guys. Good luck.

Yeah, I don't like, if I see a little skinny dude talking to me like, you got a problem, like, no. Oh, wait, your legs are around my throat. Yeah, I'm good. Yeah, I'm good. Well, I know, guys. I do a little jiu-jitsu and some of the guys I roll with will get on top of you and they just, they smother you with their chest or you can't breathe or they do this.

They have your arms tied up and you're like, what the fuck? And you just feel this and they use their hands. Yeah. And they're smiling. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's terrifying. Yeah, it's terrifying.

Well, we're flesh and blood. I wouldn't mind knowing that, though. I'm glad you're touring. I'm so glad you came in, buddy. Yeah, I'm going to have fun in here. Give us the, give us the. give us where you're going to be how they find you uh just go to jimbrewer dot com jimbrewd dot com for pence i'm not i'm not doing it word ruse south texas after this you're not not forever but you're going to

but i don't plan on doing anything how many dates is that jeez probably 45 we're still like two or three that may be on the way probably about 45 50 that's 48 right there 48 yeah 44 i'm excited though i started working in out about a month ago. I'm hopped up. Yeah, actually 48. That's 48 days. It's a lot of days. It's a lot of dates. Bing bang. Well, go see Jim Brewery's the best. And I'll be at, I'll be at the San Jose Improv this Friday, Saturday, come get some. Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. Then Greenville, South Carolina, January 30 to February 1st, Greenville at the Comedy Zone, which is a great gig. That is a great gig. You got to, you got to, that rant you went.

on what you want I I I I from my own personal good yeah I need to see more of that I'll give it to you and I also need to see that either just animated or take it just take that entire voice over yeah animated or film your own film of exactly what that guy looks like I will I'm telling you I want to see that on social media I want to see that on the internet I'm on I'm on I'm so good and you're doing kill Tony tonight. I am a little nervous. Not nervous. Well, because you're, you're not a natural roaster. I'm not a roaster. I'm not a roaster. I can't be mean. I'm terrible at roasting. I'm terrible. So I'm just going to be me. And then if they do poke fun of me, I'm just going to, I'll figure away. But I'm not, I'm not like, nobody's going to call me. I'm not that guy unless you're the mailman.

Nobody's going to poke a male for me. You never know. You'll figure it. I'm open for everything. I've never seen you not be funny, dude. You'll figure your way through. I might come see you tonight. I might come watch Jim Brewer and kill Tony tonight. And by the way, that song is called No Sudden Movement. No Sudden Movement.

And I just, let's see, a bit of it. It's dope, dude. Bro. Yeah. It is. Five finger death punch. Yeah. Yes.

Let's just do. No sudden movements. Let's see. Right between your eyes. I begged the director while this song was playing. I have the fantasy of what I'm going to do to him in the basement. So this whole song was the fantasy in the movie of me finally capturing this psycho.

I didn't get me in that movie. Let's go. And what I would, bro, you'd be a, you would crush. I'm in. You would crush. Just me shaving my head with a straight razor. But that's the thing. He's not even that crazy. It was all. almost to a degree of front, if that makes sense. I can't wait. All right. Watch Brian Callan starring in The Pizza Guy. Jim Brewer, you're the best.

Thanks for having me. That was fun just hanging out. Come on, man. Always. I wasn't very funny, but I had great time hanging out. That was awesome. We had fun. Pluto TV has thousands of free movies and TV shows.

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I was about to say, wasn't that you? That was me. Yeah.