The Fighter & The Kid - Special Forces Green Beret Kyle Morgan | TFATK Ep. 1085

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

Special Forces Green Beret, Kyle Morgan joins Bryan and Brendan and the guys talk Kyle's 2015 Bamako Hotel attack Delta Force hostage rescue mission, the horrors of war, lessons learned through those experiences, adjusting to civilian life afterwards, survivor's guilt, methods Kyle used to heal from his experiences including Ibogaine treatment and much more.Hims - Start your free online visit today at https://hims.com/fighterDraftKings - Download the DraftKings Pick Six app NOW and use code FIGHTER.O'Reilly Auto Parts - https://oreillyauto.com/FIGHTERTrue Classic - Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/fighter ! #trueclassicpodJOYMODE - https://tryjoymode.com and enter code: Fighter at checkout for 20% OFF your first order or 30% OFF your subscriptionSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Yes we did, cause we back at it again, it's the fighter and the kid. This is really the fighter and the kid. Come on baby. So we got Kyle Morgan here and I first saw you on Sean Ryan and you know what I saw at first was just Delta Operator. And Brian was rock hard right away. I got rock hard right away. He sent me a picture of you and I was like we gotta get him on man.

We gotta get him on. Look at his eyes. I was like ah I don you and I was like, we gotta get him on. We gotta get him on. Look at his thighs. I was like, I don't think that's the reason we should have him on. Well yeah, first I was like, Delta Force, I don't care. Then I saw your thighs and your apple bottom and I went, let's get this juicy cut right on here. That's right.

So, but yeah, that's literally, I was like, what I was intrigued with was the fact that you had been at a Delta for such a short period of time. And we hear a lot about different things, but you guys are kind of, you're whispered about, like the unit is whispered about. Like the Delta for your same reason? Yeah. Special Forces in general.

The SEAL teams have gotten a lot of press. They get a lot of- Isn't that, sorry to interrupt you, but isn't that weird? I think now because of podcasts and YouTube, there's all these personalities that came from special forces like obviously Tim Kennedy, Jocko, uh, Sean Stomp. Yeah. Andy Stomp. Yeah. Sean. Like now there's a voice for it and obviously because it hasn't been talked about really before. Like when I was a kid, I had no idea. I just thought you guys were bad ass. I had no clue what you did. Now there's a platform where you guys can discuss it, but it has to be weird too, right? Cuz really not what you guys it's kind of like

It's kind of like Fight Club. You know, yeah, it's the quiet professional. Yeah, like that's like a motto of You know special forces is quiet professionals and you know, that's why I always want to be extremely Like just in tune with why I'm grabbing a mic, right? I don't want to just throw hot air out there. I think there's specific things that I want to talk about because we have our greatest generation of warriors that this country, or arguably the world, has ever seen with 20 plus years of being in combat, like steady combat. I didn't join during peacetime, I was at war

my whole career, or training for it. The stories and the lessons that we've learned, being able to share those with everybody, I feel like it's another, and not everyone is meant to be out into the public space and can articulate a certain message. But the stories and the resiliency and the burdens that we've carried, we're sharing those. Yeah, I think it helps you talk about- Let me just say this, because part of your introduction I wanna say is this.

What I actually think is relevant and I think is important, and what I think a lot of people don't realize, is that never in the history of our country and maybe any country, maybe you could go back to Roman times, but never in the history of really any fighting force or any country have so few men, and I'm speaking specifically of tip of the spear

tier one guys, so few people, primarily men, done so much up close and personal combat for such a long period of time. And one of the things to keep in mind is that since 1978 when Delta was formed, maybe 77, there have been, when he joined in 2011, there weren't even a thousand, not even a thousand. No, but that's why I think it's important that you guys, there's a happy balancer, right? Like, obviously you're not doing it,

come on for Instagram followers and stuff like that. Obviously there's a message, there's a reason behind it. But I think it's important that guys like you, like Jaco, like Tim Kenny come out and do share these stories to a certain extent. But I think it's important that guys like you, like Jaco, like Tim Kenny, come out and do share these stories to a certain extent. Because you guys, as far as athletically, the things that you do, it's nuts. Obviously, Brian says tip of the spear, but I think it's good that society sees that there's

guys like you. You're a one of one percent man. People look up to the athletes, like the LeBron James and the Tom Brady's and stuff. You guys are no different. You're just as rare. There's a big difference also between Delta and just a regular Green Bay, a CO2 guy. All due respect to those guys.

But that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm, yeah, he's the all-pro. Like you're the all-American, if it's college football, or the all-pro, or you're the hall of famers of the military. And we have no idea about it. Well, I think that like, this country needs those organizations, this world does.

But I think at a certain point, there's a shelf life on working in those environments and it's different for everybody, every individual. Testing yourself, seeing if you can do those things is I think part of what got me to where I'm at right now, but now it's just reframing, like how am I gonna continue to serve? And because that's the type of people

that I've surrounded myself with for my whole military career and beyond, right? Like I want to connect with people of like mind and leave this country better than we found it. And us sharing some of those stories, for one, gives, I know this to be true now, because I believe it, and talking about yourself, especially with what I used

to do, is extremely difficult, but it's worth it because it's inspiring people. It's inspiring our youth. It's inspiring people that are in a dark place. I've had thousands of messages of people telling me significant, I can't read all of them anymore, but it's after the Sean Ryan show, like because of that, the real message that I wanted people to deliver is like,

yeah, I did all these great things. Humans are capable of extraordinary things for good, but also for evil. And I've, and I started to believe that just because I was still here, like maybe I'm just more evil than them. So because we talked about that, because you said you started feeling like you were- Or just a better shot. You felt like you were becoming a

monster after all that time, right? How could you not though? Because it's not, because I'm sure the military, they try, but there's no way to condition you for the things you're going to experience. No, and I talked about with the Radisson Blue Hotel thing, because obviously that was a pretty pivotal point in my life, and so many others. People are going to have children that are going to have children that are going to have children because of my actions, and so many others, but that's significant now that I can accept that message, or that someone said

that to me a long time ago, I was like, nah. I was just doing, it was a Tuesday. It was just a Tuesday, I'm here. But the reality of it is, is that because I didn't get the chance to prepare my mind, body, and spirit for violence, and I just reacted very much like an active shooter that we're dealing with, and that's what I train with

with my training company, Blueberry Solutions, and that's our only mission, is active shooter response. It's impacted me significantly, and I want people to know that, yeah, this is what we can do for good, but also the evil that we've seen. I don't need you to have to see it to learn the lessons that I've learned.

Like, if you're willing to share, like I am, and others are, for the right reasons, like, we can help safeguard some of that and just learn from each other and then be a positive male and female role model for our youth. You talked about the athletes, right? I feel like that's something that's missing. I'm only 39, but I feel like that's something that's missing from our society is these positive

male and female role models that we, I say we, it's a we problem, but our country cannot, our society can't change the way that it needs to change without us doing that and protecting and developing our youth. But also when the youth looks at the role models, if your role model is Kodak Black or this rapper who's acting like an asshole every day, the more that kids are exposed to people like you, that's the, we need the role model. Well the lessons lessons the lessons like life is a bitch and a kick in the nuts

And I think if you're if you don't have that your priorities in place You know I do what this my kids all the time because I I don't think that a lot of what they're learning in school Is helping them preparing them for the 21st century? World of course it is but that's but I but I'm waging a war against a lot of the things I disagree with, and the value system that's being passed down from, so that you're- That's LA too. Yeah, that's LA.

But like, so active shooter right now, okay? So- AB, can you have them describe us why the perfect guy described this active shooter, like that Raston blue hotel situation? I wasn't privy to it and then I watch you on Sean show. I'm like, holy yeah Yeah, yeah, cuz did that was why I was doing my research this morning for my son asked I'm like, I'm like you like Captain America, right? I'm like, this is Captain America. He's real. Yeah Yeah, and you so into it. I'll preface just a little of it

Yeah, three three three guys this al-qaeda guy plans it they go and they kill 20 people more plus Okay, one American he goes in there to find the American but also to figure out what's going on. Yeah Americans There was 17. It's just him right now. He's got he's the only like a salter. He's the Delta guy. He's on a different mission He's got you's the only like a salter. He's the Delta guy. He's on a different mission He's got a happy to be in. Yeah I was working out of the embassy like in a suit and tie every day and where's this at in Bamako, Mali? Mali in North North and where North Africa. Yeah What is what so so so the trance of hell like is the region the northern Mali and a bunch of other countries But that's been a safe haven for Al-Qaeda to regroup

because they used all these, it's all these different smuggling routes through the desert and stuff, connecting Algeria all the way down, Libya, like down through to Mali. And it's a crazy country because you see a pretty distinct line where it's kind of super vegetated

and then there's the desert, the whole trans-aheal, but it's a safe haven because it's hard for anyone to target these groups. And that's where France, that's been kind of their Afghanistan for a long time as far as in comparison to a conflict. Because it used to be a French colony, right? Yeah.

So it's hard to navigate there. Well, they just, they come in and they launch. They hide in the jungle? They launch, no, it's a desert. No, but you said it's vegetation. Well, so for this attack specifically, because the Toregs are the native kind of Toreg in the Trans-Sahel regions of Mali,

they're lighter skinned, kind of Arab looking. And then there's that line kind of Mokti down to the south into the capital where Bamako is where it's it's uh, You know, it's um, it's black. It wouldn't yeah, it's like it's sub-saharan versus It's yeah, extremely dark sub-saharan under the desert is essentially considered tropical Yeah, and and you have freedom to maneuver essentially considered tropical. Yeah, and you have freedom to maneuver. There's a, it's a built up city, Bamako is in itself, but this goes back to the, I say this,

ignorance isn't bliss, man, or it is until it isn't, right? And I just saw so many people get caught with their pants down, like, oh my God, what are we gonna do with our kids? They have their children, like State Department people, God bless them, but they're there, like, living in these, you know, I don't know, like ignorant kind of mindsets sometimes where,

you know, hey man, this is, you have a Delta operator in this country. There's not that many of us. Like, something's fucked up here. There's a reason there's a Delta. If you're there, you're spying censorship. People are just like, well, you know, and then so beyond that attack,

I stayed there for almost four more months by myself, fucking unraveling, because up to that point, no one had left my team house or room, house in a kinetic fashion, like throw your kid on and go, right? It had always been suit and tie and just blend in with the State Department folks, the diplomatic kind of side of it.

And so at this point, like, I changed my car out like four times. I just started getting so paranoid. And I locked myself like three rooms in, and into this house. And to be honest, like, I used alcohol and the comfort of a woman, an extramarital affair to help me survive

because I couldn't even leave my room. I couldn't even. Don't beat yourself up. I couldn't even survive. I couldn't even leave my room without going straight with a mission to the embassy for something or if I was, I'd have to be drunk. Just from the anxiety. You'd have to be drunk. Just from the anxiety?

Just from the anxiety of, you know. Because like, if I were gonna use a metaphor of like my mindset and the trauma that I've encountered my whole life, like I was at that point like a dry bushel. In the Radisson blue for me was that spark that lit that thing on fire. Right?

So it wasn't just one event. You didn't feel proud of that moment? Was it hard to...? I think there was certain people... When the minute he got there... How many guys? So it was three guys, but they killed, they'd already killed 20 people, they had grenades, they were really trained.

When he got there, he engaged and he ended up So he engaged and once he barricaded that I'm in no other hostages died Then he waited for a backup from my continued and then I went and cleared At that point once we locked them in I went and kicked in I mean I kicked in like 54 hotel doors that day and These are like stout double locks with throw latches on some of them and the reason I even know like one of the doors I kicked in like I kicked it in and clear and it broke all the latches but I cleared the rest of

the room and there was a you know a person that was killed right there in the main four-day area of his room I look back at the that the door because it closed on itself right it's that It has the shock and it closes. And I was looking for holes through the door, because he got shot right in the face. And I was like, what was this? But I just continued to move, but later on I went back into the hotel,

like with the FBI, like days in and out, like in an unhealthy amount, I think trying to make sense of all of it. But they basically knocked on the door lightly and then whoever answered the door, they just shot through the crack. And then it closed on itself. Because I broke the throw latch on that door specifically,

so we had it engaged. But because I just kept telling people, I saw people tying bedsheets together. Like seven stories up, like bro, fucking stop. That didn't even touch the ground, first of all, and you're just going get bed sheets together. Like seven stories up, like bro, like fucking stop. Like that didn't even touch the ground first of all, and you're just going to fall to your death. So stop. But I panicked.

But I was like, barricade yourself in your room and don't open the door for anybody. Anytime I could communicate that. And that's what, when I teach active shooter response stuff and other organizations, I'm not the only one who's doing it, but there's a point where, there's a moment where you could escape, but at a certain point you have to barricade yourselves at schools specifically.

Like the lockdown procedures and all that. It's important that they rehearse those, and I hate to say this, almost like a fire drill. Because just like anything, you gotta drill it. And schools are starting to do that. It breaks my heart. That's where we're at. And I focus on schools specifically.

Because, and I think taking it a step further, I focus on our K through five schools in middle. Because if I'm going to go and pick a target and want to make as much impact as I can, it's going to be the softest target I can. Correct. All right, fellas and ladies, let's take a little break here. Now, I want you to close your eyes. Imagine what you'll look like in six months from now. How's that hair piece looking? Huh? The same? Probably not if you're already stressing about it. Your hair starting

to look like George Costanza. You don't know what to do. Well, picture yourself if you started using him. That's right. Picture the same you as before, but with much thicker, fuller hair. You'd be correct. If you're using him, avoid looking like Brian Callan, avoid looking like the wet bandit from home alone and you can make it all happen in three to six months. All right? Three to six months.

So if you're ready to start, get going on your hair. Hims provides you with a convenient access to a range of hair loss treatments that actually work all from the comfort of your couch. Hims makes treating hair loss simple with doctor trusted options, clinically proven ingredients like finasteride and all the good stuff and it can regrow your hair as little as three to six freaking months. All right choose from the personalized chewable oral spray serum treatments to find what

works best for you. Process super simple 100% online so there's no uncomfortable doctor visits. Answer a few quick questions. A medical provider will determine if the treatment's right for you. It probably is if you're worried about your hair. If prescribed, your treatment is sent directly to you for free. No insurance is needed. One low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care. HIMSS has hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers and they can help you get your confidence back with visibly thicker and fuller hair. So start your free online visit today at hims.com slash fighter. That's h i m s dot com slash fighter. Hims.com slash fighter results vary based on studies,

topical oral monoxide and finesse dried prescription products require online consultation with health care provider who will determine if prescription is appropriate restrictions apply. See website for full details, important safety information, hams.com slash fighter. I mean, can I ask you a dumb question from a guy who's watched movies, but I'm really serious about this question.

Here we go. Yeah, I know. Get ready. You go in, you, I picture Kyle Morgan kit, Delta operator, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. You don don't know you don't know how many people are in there You don't know who's who's done who's the active shooter in a school? No, but this is what happened Red Rats and blue help me out here. You go in there. You're seeing dead bodies. You're already dealing with that trauma Okay people in Western clothes. You're like you're looking for Americans

My in those moments though like on the initial part, I talked to you about this yesterday. Like you try to make it as unemotional as possible. And guess what isn't emotional? Your hands, so hands, hands, hands, until I can take custody of your hands, like until they show me something that makes me emotional, like I'm not locking eyes with people,

I'm not staring at dead people. Like none of that stuff is, it's noise to me. Okay. Until, because I'm there to discriminate and stop the killer. Right. And I need to know if it's a threat or a non-threat. And I need to move on until I can isolate

and then neutralize the threat. And that is the difference between a tier one guy, the ability to do that in split second time. Well, it's not just tier one. Our law enforcement have to uphold those same kind of of standards and this whole defund the police shit is it's a fucking joke Yeah And like what they need more than anything is not a product put in their hands if they're gonna give them a rifle an assault rifle the guess what needs to be a company training training, you know and and and because

like they need to be able to, just like I don't view my rifle and my pistol as a back, like a primary and a backup, right? It's a primary and a secondary weapon system. So because I need to be as comfortable taking those shots surgically at these distances for CQB, close quarters battle, and account for every single shot I take and be able

to put it into somebody's freaking eyeball you know with whether it's my pistol or my rifle because I also need to be you know kit shakeout KSO trademark I love that kit shakeout KSO he kept saying that in the car goes trademark I'm like it's my answer it's my answer for everything yeah with my kids I'm like kit shakeout kids, so they just say Just like laughing. They don't laugh. They don't laugh when I when I pull my piece out. That's my kid shake Oh, it isn't just it's a it's a lifestyle right like it's keeping myself accountable that if I'm gonna carry a tool or a

Piece of kit right like body armor or you know I need to have rehearsed it, drilled it, that it's there when I need it, and I know how to get it out. You know how to use it. And I've done those, I've timed those, right, because decision making is, in fight, flight, or freeze, which everyone will be in, in these environments,

is active. Fight, flight, or freeze. Yes, you will, it's the human response to when things would eat us, right? We'd run to our cave, and then we'd calm back down, and then we'd go back out, and then'd go back out and then run back in. Like things have changed. Now everything's a fucking perceived threat

because of how stimulating this environment, like our society is. So our brain can't tell the difference between what a perceived threat to our life is and just some types of stress. Our body reacts the same way. When you're in that situation, you've been in so many situations that most people would consider, and some types of stress. It's our body reacts the same way. So that 500 or freeze happens. You've been in so many situations

that most people would consider, which are extreme, where you're engaging enemy, you're coming in, hostage rescue, whatever it might be, high value target. That's a Tuesday. When you're walking through that Radisson blue, where are your cortisol? I mean, you were running. Yeah, you're running. Where are your cortisol? I mean, you were running. Yeah.

Yeah, you're running. What are your cortisol levels? What is your adrenaline at right now? Are you amped or are you kind of controlling your breathing? So this is where, like the training that I do for Bluebearing Solutions with the active shooter response stuff, I even do breath work before we do the scenarios just because it's something that I do for blue bearing solutions with active shooter response stuff. I even do breath work before we do the scenarios

just because it's something that I believe in. Now there's times and places for breath work and it ain't 30 seconds out when you're about to make entry. It's like maybe when you're two minutes, three minutes out to responding where you can do a little bit of box breathing or you can do some sort of.

Can you tell me what that is? The box breathing? Yeah, like what would be breath work? So if I'm nervous. You could do this anywhere, but it'd be, breathe in for four seconds, right? So you can just count in your head or count loud as you're getting used to it.

Hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, and then repeat. And that calms you down? It's a box, and you can literally draw that. You do that? You can literally draw that out. And it's just one method. Would you do fights. I know yeah, yeah, I got with that Yeah, I do it before stamp. You see me do before stand up. Yeah, you do you do a lot of breathe

Look I did it. Um, I did it at the not that I'm nervous, but well being around celebrity like yeah Branch what I don't say fucking Brandon shop, bro. Don't you say? He's a little scared Operator you look at him. He stood up. I was like no he's built like a like NFL linebacker I'm too short to be how tall are you? Not I'm perfect Just say he wants to say five I appreciate you I appreciate you no I'm perfect. Middle linebackers. Well, they took out some. He's pushing to 5'11", just so you know. He wants to say 5'11", and I appreciate you.

I appreciate you. No, I'm not the caveat. But you have some wheels on him, too. They've taken some discs out, and I got my neck fused already. Let's go 5'9", and it's fine. He gave himself two inches. Either way, he's a prop.

He lied on our podcast. Either way, he's a prop. Just say squatty. Yeah. He's squatty. He's thick. No, no, he's sturdy. There you go.

You're sturdy. You're sturdy. But I think it. Can I say that? You There you go. You're sturdy here, but I think You're beefy you're curvy you're curvy If I you are the kind of gal if you're a gal and you walk by When we're in a car and you walk by if we make if we make Kyle Morgan a lady We're gonna cat comb we're gonna get you got your you're all but you're you're all tits and ass I'm trying to go to letter. I see two otherairs get falling out now though. I'm like, oh man, is it on top? Yeah, it's cute. You got this cute curls behind you

I know your hair is good. It's starting to feel I'm doing it's not bad I think I'm gonna take it off and be just like a free Setting him to Turkey and we're gonna give him. Yeah whole fuck the least they can get the ass implants and We're gonna give them some weird. Yeah, oh fuck the least they can get the ass implants and You don't need those but you're nice, but I think it's good the more you you know you talked about you know You have this active shooter whole program stuff like that if I'm an active shooter, and I know you got me fucking yeah It's good. Yeah, if I'm an active shooter. I heard you talking. I heard the trained like police force in that area I'm probably like Jesus Christ man. I go somewhere. Yeah, you don't want to fuck with yeah I got like him out there. It's like I was right. Well, here's the next time

I'll just said that because like I I want to empower our law enforcement and our first responders and private citizens So I offer my protector mindset course Which is the active shooter response course in a two-day open enrollment where you could come and sign up? like for it and it and you'll have LE with private citizens in that two-day course because it's it's all about right place right time right person and that's the answer now because it ain't a SWAT problem it ain't a special weapons and tactics problem right it ain't ERT SRT the special response teams they're gonna be a day late dollar short it's always it's look at the statistics of this.

Like since Columbine, right? When that response to Columbine in 1999 was so fucked up that they changed, they stood up the National Tactical Officers Association, they stood up the alert response thing out of Texas as these kind of governing bodies of what an appropriate response and training should look like the problem is is They're not getting the funding to do this training or it's a PowerPoint fucking presentation Which is you can't you cannot do that because it's you can one thing that these environments will always be different

100% the situation studied all these yeah it's a part of do you in your head go back in your mind and Kind of like say if there was a time machine, what would I do in Columbine things? Do you must do that a lot? Um, or no, I don't know I I I Do that every school that I use as for the scenarios I use I try to use real venues real schools Off, you know, obviously after hours or on weekends or summer. I just got back from, I did two, you know, pretty huge school districts in Texas. So South of San Antonio, Beeville, Independent School District, Police Force. So we used all their schools there and did this three,

three and a half day curriculum for their team. Phenomenal. They did a fantastic job. And those are the right, I wish I could pick and bottle that up and place it everywhere We have a school that that type of response that's because you have these school resource officers, right? The the law enforcement officials that not every school has one for one and then the schools that do have them They're their guys and gals that are that couldn't cut it on patrol or that are on their way out to retirement And they're in there watching fucking YouTube videos. Yeah when they need to be out there representing, you know, there's an opportunity for them. They're interacting They need to be the right person right there and they're interacting with our children They could change this narrative of fuck it. Fuck the police fuck the police or whatever

Like you say like we need the police and we need the right Please need the right people and they also need them to have the proper training from them. They need to be empowered. The resources, how the government doesn't give the resources, but you want to send a trillion dollars to fucking Ukraine. What about here, dude? Try to fucking live with mine. I also think the training is,

it's hard to get good at this stuff. Because I want to go back to this. You, the situation will always look different, so what I do is I teach the basic fundamentals of marksmanship, I teach small unit tactics, the basic principles of patrolling, planning, reconnaissance, security, control, common sense. I teach all these things and I simplify

and apply those into a dynamic environment. Then I create these scenarios that are as realistically stimulating as I can from a visual, from auditory, like with role players, right? So like there's no paper targets, it's all people. And you're given, hey man, you have this to do, I want you to do this and only this, because it's not a paint war,

because we use marking rounds and things like that. And so you get the pain response if you do make a mistake. And you're using, because you're using what's called like wax bullets and stuff. No, no, I use unit solutions use code blue bearing to save or get 600 rounds for free with your with a rifle bearing no it's a well that's my company but the unit solutions it's a non-lethal training ammunition that is actually a full standalone training rifle that shoots

marking and non marking rounds and the beauty of it is it's rated as a non firearm by the ATF so you can pick it up. I can go into any place, right, and be like, hey, I wanna come and do this training. They're like, you wanna bring firearms into this place? I'm like, actually I'm not. I'm not gonna bring a single firearm into your venue, your school, your building, and do these scenarios.

And I'm gonna leave it better than I found it, right? They don't damage the the environment and they they They let you just train. What were you using? You did that video game? Simunition or no you did he you did you see him on Mythbusters? No, he shot a bunch of guys in the dick Yeah, they got mad. Yeah. Well, no, that's nothing I mean they want to see if a human being could do what the video game guy do What did you carry? What do you what you have would they put on you there were they balls there paintballs? He had they load all this gear. Yes. That's the beauty of this system is

There's there's two two other types of training munitions, right? So there's some munitions some FX or UTM or force-on-force. It's the same thing universal training munition. But the thing with all of those, they either have to switch out a bolt and put it in an actual rifle or a slide conversion, but they're all still firearms. And there's some sort of gunpowder, primers and things like that that fire.

And they've made it in the military and in law enforcement as hard to do live fire training as it is to do some munitions training. And this is coming from somebody that, the unit I was in, we trained all the time because we didn't have all that red tape. We just, we trained with those systems. But this system, especially as a private training

organization, I can take this and go anywhere and not have to worry about it. Business is about to be booming, man. You know, obviously you're not doing it for money, but I just feel like there's such an opportunity here and the more people worry about it. Man, business is about to be booming, man. You know, obviously you're not doing it for money, but I just feel like there's such an opportunity here and the more people know about it, because I would say compared to the average person, like I have a certain set of skills where shit pops off,

not with guns, but physically I'm gonna be okay, I can handle myself. I have anxiety. Like I just took my seven year old and my three year old to the movies, they wanna sit in the middle. I'm like, no, we sit sit by the exit and then I can't relax my anxiety through the roof Yeah, but you know you're safeguarding them From from that so if you're starting to see catch yourself where you're you're so paranoid that it's starting to to radiate into

permeate into their being Into their will into their being right that's your job as a protector into their being, into their, well into their being, right? That's your job as a protector. Like you just have to, you need mirrors where people are keeping you honest about, hey man, you're just acting like a little bit off or paranoid, like just because that, I don't train paranoid people.

Like there's a massive difference between paranoia and preparation. And I think what you're saying is just preparation. It's our burden to bear Right. Yeah, like that. I am truly trying to build a fellowship of of protectors You said something that I love with Sean you said there's a difference between being a protector and a provider Yeah, and people think because they're providers that it's the same thing as protector big difference Yeah, just cuz you're providing a house and home and feeding the kids, it doesn't make you a protector.

There's a big difference. That hit me as a guy who's fucking right. The other part of that too though is you also can be so hyper vigilant. Because I talked about flight, front, or freeze. If we have 100% of our bandwidth all the time, which we don't, think of your bandwidth being like that random access memory, the chalkboard that you're,

the computing things, right? You're racing things, putting new things on, all these things. When you're in fight, fight or freeze, 80%, just this throw number out there, is consumed to either do one of those three things, fight, flight or freeze. What you're going to do, well, that just depends on

if you've been in those environments before. And that's why I try to create the most realistic active shooter response environments, because I want just, even if one thing looks similar to when your number gets called potentially, and your response with confidence, and you're learning how to safeguard your own bandwidth in that space because you've been exposed

to a similar type environment. If I'm doing my job correctly, you're just going to act with confidence. Let's take a little break here, because if you're ready to win some real cash during the basketball playoffs, you gotta check out my friends at DraftKings and their pick six. Comes to basketball payouts, DraftKings and their pick 6. When it comes to basketball payouts DraftKings pick 6 posterizes the competition including

prize picks. Hit all your picks and score higher minimum payouts on pick 6 plus even more cash if you outscore the competition. Pick 6 is available in most states including Missouri, California, Texas, Georgia and more. Bet on my nuggets we're up 3-2. Joke-age had a solid game but Murray's ballin right more. Bet on my nuggets. We're up three to two. Joke-age. That was a solid game, but Murray's balling right now. Bet on my nuggets. New players get 50 and pick six credits instantly on just $5 entry.

Download the DraftKings Pick Six app right now. Use the code FIDER. That's code FIDER for new customers to play five to get 50 and pick six credits. Better payouts, bigger wins. Only with Pick Six from DraftKings. The crown is yours. Gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. Help is available for problem gambling. better payouts, bigger wins, only with Pick 6 from DraftKings. The crown is yours. were prohibited, one per new customer. Bonus awarded as non-withdrawable PICSIX credits that expire in 14 days.

Limited time offer. See terms at PICSIX.DraftKings.com slash promos. Which is huge, because these active shooters are relying on you not knowing what the hell you're doing. Exactly, and you making your presence known as soon as possible, and never letting go of that shooter's bandwidth. So you make your presence known.

They call it harass, and no, this is one of the times where you talk about high value target stuff. I'll be as quiet as I can up until I have to go extremely loud. Y'all sneak into someone's bedroom and snatch them out of their bed. We've done it. And then go loud.

What do you mean go loud? So in other words, you gotta. Any sort of, if we're gonna take shots that are you know even suppressed shots can potentially compromise you but Regardless something being surreptitious right is what I mean and so you got a terrorist sleeping you come into his room That must yeah, I did it. We did I did it in the terrace. Yeah You're lying there. We did it just we did it in those dudes like this and you're like, oh, that's the game You play though, bitch. We enjoy this but we were wake up this guy in full gear and his boys with like night vision

Yeah, hell, yeah, them boys. He's so proud to be American we actually did that in Syria with Isis because We jumped in and I actually jumped a tandem. I jumped the interpreter attached to me because we knew that- You jumped out of a plane with an interpreter attached. Yeah. He's all- And then, yeah, dude, we were 600 plus pounds

of suspended weight. We were fucking cruising to the ground. There was a lot, a lot of weight. And then you pull your chute like in- Yeah, we jumped at a, I'm not gonna give a bunch of the tactics away, but we jumped at an altitude that wouldn't spike certain signatures and then we did it because it was easier to tell

the difference between a helicopter landing versus just jumping out of a plane. We podcast. And. And. And. You know you're jumping, you can be on his back, right? Like if an actor shooter came in,

you're getting behind us, right? Why are you putting yourself back, right? Like if an active shooter came in, you're getting behind up, right? Why are you putting yourself in there too? Like there's no training he can teach you that's gonna help. But we need people like him though. Yeah, we need him. Because we could be like, hey, you sit here and color.

We need color. Why am I coloring, bro? Why do you have me coloring? No, no, you sit there. Because coloring's important. Fuck you, I wanna be able to. No, no, they have numbers and you can just fill them in. You sit there and you tell the women a story.

I'm athletic, I wrestle in high school school black belt and psych window I can do it No, you stay here and protect the women you tell them a story story if this the movie 300 you the guy with the iPad What tell him stories? Well, am I am I am I tending to the meal you cook it? I got a habit piping. I'm trying we start to leave and drop people off with you You just kind of you know, tell them some mediocre jokes Yeah, it keeps them kind of mediocre jokes Yeah, this is fucking but you tell your stories Hey you tell your stories and then give them granola bars while we take care of the mission first of all, you know Hey you you're I've seen you shoot. So you're a pack mule

You're a big strong guy and they're gonna load you up with all I know you're not going in there with guns. You don't know one hour with this guy You get the fuck sure you're carrying all their gear for sure. I'll be I'll be the mule the pack mule I'll be the mule. You're gonna be like this well then we need somebody like that, too I know All this shit people want to throw at the problem like shields and fucking this and that everybody wants to capitalize on on these active shooter environments by selling some sort of product without the proper training because Like what's a tool if it's not where you need it to be when you need it

Well, like if you haven't practiced like when we started hold on a second. Yeah, hold on When we when we practiced or coming back like shields doing hostage rescue with shields was something that we didn't really do that much of and because it's heavy they're cumbersome and burden you know it's but then you know coming back from the Radisson like the only way we were able to get so close to be able to actually drop an offensive grenade on these cats was with a full-body shield that got that shot six times from a foot away and and my whole point of this is coming back from that,

there was a couple things that I brought back and lessons learned and I talked about them at the organization I was in. And it was hostage rescue in a fire environment because I had to go into a room on fire and I almost died doing that because I had never trained in hostage rescue dealing with fire.

So we started training with FDNY rescue one, two, three, four, phenomenal. Force voluntary fire rescue stuff, it's fucking amazing. But we came back and started training, yeah, from the smoke and the smoke inhalation stuff. And then the shield piece, like I started just doing everything with shields after that just to see if it's feasible, right?

So fast roping, I would freaking sling that shield on my back like fuck dude and because it's got to be there deep into the target It's gotta be it just depends. I mean if level the level four stuff like it's heavy to be able to stop like a Like a green tip or a you know a rifle round a five five six around You know you need a level four solid plate metal They're made there. They have some that are metal, but I'm not I'm not a science guy Sure yeah sure yeah

It's it's he's a what it but I will say this but the shield get the shields like if they aren't if they aren't I think It's NS in a side J It's like the judicial kind of process that you go through to get the certification that it's approved to stop those. So you guys are always changing, you're always thinking of, like you had that experience, now you're adapting to that. But you have to.

You go back to the unit and you go, this is what I love. That's how you remain a relevant fighting force. Because if you think you've made it, and this is I think a great life philosophy, then you're just a sitting duck in your liability. Like I have not arrived. Like I've tried to embody that every day

and not until I'm in the earth and in heaven, because I'm going to heaven now. And I'm not even saying that as a joke. It's one of those things that, well fuck dude, I thought for sure, like I'm destined even saying that as a joke. Like, it's one of those things that, well, fuck dude, I thought for sure, like I'm destined to die saving this country or saving someone else or for my own glory. Does it frustrate you?

Cause you have taken the- Going to hell. You want to hell, you fell, you're wrong. Oh yeah. Cause you have taken ultimate sacrifices. It frustrates you when you see like kind of things in America now. You see people taking a knee.

Or you see people, you know, just not embracing America. And you see people taking a knee, or you see people just not embracing America, and you've done the ultimate sacrifice, and you've paid dearly for it. What does it think about? Like, the people expressing themselves, I feel like it's an opportunity for them to express, sure, some things are inappropriate,

versus there's timings where they can be appropriate and have a significant meaning to a bigger message, right? And I'm all about that. And, you know, cause I used to idolize, right? Not just a unit, which I did. I, that I worshiped that, right? And yeah. Why don't you ever say Delta?

You guys never say Delta. I don't like saying it. It's one of those things, cause you're not, for one, like there's things, you know, the fact I'm even talking publicly about an organization that doesn't exist is a problem for a lot of people, so that maybe I used to work with.

So I want to keep the conversations to, because they can't take my experiences away. And now I'm taking those experiences and trying to apply them outwardly, or inwardly, right? But but but outwardly to try to help others correct me if I'm wrong did not for my own self-glory and gratification if I start No, I don't get that all no. No. No. We'll just understand that this all comes from a place where like that was my identity I got my sense of self from external validation from my youngest memory and

You know, so it's just continued to where I started to idolize a flag, a piece of cloth over, don't get me wrong, I am an American and extremely proud of this country. I think our society needs to change and I'm doing something about it. So as small as that is, I'm still gonna do it because it's the work that we're doing because of them,

because of our children and their children's children. That's how we make a change. And do you get feedback from the guys that you served with? How do they feel about what you're doing? It's one of those things when you're there, you got the blinders on. It's like a divorce or a restraining order. You leave that place and it's something.

You're out. You're out. Yeah, you're out. Really? Because you guys are such a tight unit. It's like. Well, there is a big veteran unit member following, but I think because of, I mean, don't get me wrong, I've been arrested three times since 2016.

Like since the Radisson, arrested. All for alcohol related fighting and then DUI. Arrested in America just for acting crazy. All for like alcohol related like fighting and then DUI and arrested America Just for yeah acting crazy because the way that I started to unravel my I still could perform right at work But then everything else I had to sacrifice everything else just to be able to perform now Because everything became so much harder from a from a cognitive from a psychological stress perspective Everything was just so much harder after after this that the raddison like I said that dry bushel got lit on fire experience in that

well really the damage that I the real damage I did was the days after the hell so the way I responded to reacting and and trying to cope or what? Yeah. Why? Because you couldn't account for certain rounds? Yeah, I feel like I could have did more. I felt like I could have got in there sooner. failed or what? Yeah. Why? Because you couldn't account for certain rounds? Yeah, I feel like I could have did more. I felt like I could have got in there sooner.

I felt like I could have went left instead of right. I felt that survivor's guilt piece. The fact that a majority of the people that were executed in a small space, just bodies stacked on top of bodies, they were shot from execution range because they went left, when if they just went right, freedom. You know, and it's one of those things that,

and I didn't know any of these things at the time, I just knew something felt different. And that's why I tell people, like at first, whether it's feedback from your marksmanship stuff, like hey man, tactile feedback is the best, right? Visual validation on a target or what something's doing is great, but how you make something become a subconscious reaction,

it's giving you feedback, you just give it the appropriate amount of input based on what you're feeling. Can I just ask you a question as you're talking about this because I know that a lot of people feel this way and I'm just gonna tell you, I mean I'm 56, but this is how I know way I thought you're like 70 He's every bucket. He's every bad. I don't like going on here man more respect for older people now listen up That's true, and I and I saw you haven't even seen me move to the source

We're gonna you're gonna see me move cuz I'm gonna come do your fucking training course when I'm in Raleigh now listen Like what this is literally how I think of this and a lot of people think of it you're going to see me move because I'm going to come do your fucking training course when I'm in Raleigh. Now, listen, like, what this is literally how I think of this. And a lot of people think of it. I'm sure he does too. You come into the Radisson, all of us think that we would dealt with guys in the unit or whatever, like Dev grew, whatever it is, that you you guys come into a place. So there's a there's a hostage situation. This is how it is in the movies. And this is how we think of it. trained operator suppressor bop bop bop all clear

Everybody's all right. You guys come on over here. You know, it's literally that clean to us in our mind It's like he's trained. He knows how to do this. He's moving like a panther Spap bop bop these guys and what happens the bad guys in the movies come out there like this and they die like they get Shot and they think it's more complicated than that, yeah. I know, but this is what we're sold, and this is how we look at these things. It's also what you're consuming. It's what we're consuming, right?

So in my mind, I have this very clear picture. Then you start talking about, you're talking about fire. I know, maybe because you fought in the octagon, I don't know. I don't think it has anything to do with it. I think I actually might have part of it because you never underestimate your opponent. Never. Like never.

Yeah, and it never goes the way it gets going. People that go into this with this like this conception that we're just gonna come in here and pop pop pop whatever you were doing over there. Yeah, well that is what you see in the movies. We're shooting like this. But kill shots. By the way, it's all rat tat tat you come in rat tat tat. John Wick, all the movies we see. Even Zero Dark's Birdie, even those movies. But even for Keanu Reeves to be able to do some of those scenes, the amount of effort that he put into that. Oh yeah, physically. It's the repetitions that he made.

Yeah, because we're not thinking about the amount of weight you're carrying. And my whole point is that the reason that we, it can look like this controlled chaos in these environments, but trust me, it's still chaos. It is fucking, it might as well be on fire, or maybe it is. But you learn how to safeguard your own bandwidth, figuring out, hey, that's just noise, that's just noise, this is what I need to focus on and move on.

Like, and it's all happening. Like that. Do you guys visualize? Processing speed and creating, giving yourself, start processing things even from this distance and then this distance gives you even a little bit more and more and more. And your aperture starts to open up

and then you start to just see and use all of your wide focus, right? Your peripheral vision everywhere you go. And I can turn that on, it's on all the time but I can turn that on. It's like all the time, but I can turn that on, it's like, so someone raise their hand right now. So you were the first person to raise your hand. I just focused on, and that was it for everybody

in this room, right, so if had one of them did it, I'm using, in that moment, I'm not narrow focused on any one thing, that tunnel vision thing, right? I'm actually using all of my. That only comes from training. But I teach that in my course, and? I'm actually using all of my- That only comes from training. Cause we all go out to tunnel vision. But I teach that in my course and it's one of those things, like I say it,

just like the first time you got taught a drill, like any sort of, you know, on the mat, like kind of thing. Okay, color by numbers, like what you're gonna do in an actitude environment, you're gonna be able to color in the corner, but it's, that was funny, right? No? I didn't get it.

Color by numbers? The coloring thing. I didn't get it. The color, the color. I was talking about color. Why I don't color dude. I don't sit home at color. That's why I like come up with another fucking thing. All right. I write jokes. But it's it's stuck now. Yeah. The whole point is that you, you, uh, if you can learn how to, to maximize your, your, the visual, the auditory cues, the tactile feedbacks that things are giving you, you don't just stare at it like your firearm

when it malfunctions, because there's literally three things you can do. If your firearm, whether it's a rifle or a pistol, it's immediate action, remedial action, or fucking throw it at them, because it's hard broken. So if you just simplify. What is immediate action? Immediate action is tap, rack, bang, or tap, rack, reengage, or reassess.

If you're teaching law enforcement, reassess. Whatever, it's tap, rack, so it's things you practice so that way when you're doing this, it's just fucking subconscious. You just do it. Muscle memory, yeah. You just do it. But when you're doing that, since Brennan gets it. when you're doing that since burning gets it

When you're doing this stuff though, if you just simplify, you know Some of these some of these tactics techniques movements thoughts ways of processing like it It allows you to go into these chaos the chaotic environments in it and it appeared It's almost like this beautiful dance, especially as a collective team, right? Us moving well, shooting well together, communicating, shooting, moving, communicating. It allows us to come in and dominate a space in a way that's like, how the fuck did they do that?

Well, it's because we do this together. And we, I sliced this pie up, you know, and we, that's where the Radisson, I wasn't afforded that because I was- You were alone. Well, I wasn't alone, but I was, the people I had with me, God bless them, but they weren't my former mates, right?

So like, I was taking all of this on almost, and- They weren't as trained. No, they weren't, and the one man almost every corner, every hallway, you can't always be the one man almost every corner, every hallway, you can't always be the one man ever in where I'm from. What do you mean one man? The first person up to a door.

So say we are going from this room into that room, like I'm gonna beat you to that fucking door because I wanna be first. But if you're with a team that I'm used to being with or used to have, you're never gonna always be the one, man, because there's always somebody faster than you, there's always someone better than you. I worked in a place there where you struggled

to be mediocre every single day. Every single fucking day. And every day you're there, you may have one success, what you measure as success, but you start to lose sight of like who you are and how capable of a person that you really are. So that's where I say. Because you think of yourself as part of that unit. You have nothing to measure off of it

and it's such a performance related place. It's such an excellence. Where you, the constant pursuit of excellence, right? Like that's, it's perfect practice makes permanent. Right? But you can lose yourself in that. You absolutely lose yourself, man. Like it's from a, and it isn't just that place,

it's all these like high performing organizations and teams. Yep. Like that's where I tell people there's a shelf life. And it's in law enforcement too, like there's a shelf life. And then the trauma aspects of everything Everything I did would kill me whether it was training or in real life or gunshots or like some sort of infill technique Like they're everything was so high risk, right? That becomes I can't feel

For a period of my life. I just couldn't feel unless I'm doing something that's relatively is that's why I started drinking and drugging I get it because it was like I fuck dude I can't ever get to that space anymore, and I don't feel a fucking thing chasing the dragon Yeah, exactly get it you get so you get addicted to the juice, and then you have to keep upping the ante Kind of yeah, yeah, I mean well. I think the with alcohol. It's one of those things where I mean, well, I think the with alcohol it's one of those things where It's on my alcohol is the juice. I'm talking about the adrenaline. Oh, yeah Yeah, the danger. Oh you have to feel because you were talking about the just don't even realize it though but yes like the I would never have considered myself an adrenaline junkie because you but you you feel like the

stereotypical adrenaline junkie you like that person it's just such a normalized way of living Oh, yeah, that person it's just such a normalized way of living Like in acting and then that starts to just become who you are outside of that place and there is no line Yeah, that's your so then your your family like I couldn't find joy and even like and and and patience like I would I would just Be like what the fuck they don't know how hard it could be Yeah, and that stems from how I was raised too, but but they shouldn't fuck that why should they ever have to feel? Why thank God they don't like thank God they don't like why what way what way am I thinking when I'm like man? They don't know how hard it could be why are they complaining? But don't you have you have to be that way and that's the burden you carry, right? No, you don't do what you don't have to be

That way I think There's an element level that place consumes Working at those levels will consume you but I do I firmly believe this and I will say this with confidence the guys and gals that That have a deep a deep foundation in faith in something bigger than themself God Come out of that place Okay, I come out of that place. Okay. I was not that way and I almost lost everything to include my own life. The only reason that I'm still here, and I'll say this, I talked about it in the Sean Ryan show,

but I'll be even more specific. The only reason that I'm still here is because God gave me my youngest daughter when I, when I, when he knew what I was about to endure, and he gave my youngest daughter to me at a time that was, it was already starting to kind of unravel my marital conflict and my relationship with my children, and my prioritization was fucked. And it started back in 2014, 2015, but she was born in 2015, and Molly back in 2014, 2015, but she was born in 2015 and the Molly happened

November 20, 2015. And I truly believe because during- She was born after that? She was born after that? She was born in January. So that year, so before. But coming back, I moved out. I left my wife.

I was in a relationship with a female from the CIA. And, you know, between the two of us, I was in a relationship with a female from the CIA. I looked at my youngest daughter and she needed me. She looked at me with this innocence and I still felt like I was needed. Because my son's here, that's why I'm pointing over that way. I failed them. And my own insecurities, my own lack of self-realization or belief in my own systems, self-esteem, right? Like, I just, I pushed further away from them.

But you weren't given the tools to deal with this. That's the other thing. Like, you look at the divorce rates, the guys in the with this. That's the other thing. You look at the divorce rates of guys in the special forces, it's through the roof. So you're not equipped with a set of skills to deal with this drama. Who are you talking to? When you get done, who are you talking to?

You're talking to other guys like you? Good luck. So that's the thing too, is that planning process, that preparation of preparing our mind, body, and spirit for violence through planning and contingencies of rehearsals, we don't even know that's actually what it's doing, it's putting on our armor, like metaphorically, and then we physically put it on.

But then we go and do all these crazy things, come back though, what's the first thing we do when we get back? Do we fucking, not yet, well maybe, hot wash, so AAR, after actions review, or we sit down in a group like this and we air our grievances, and no one leaves that fucking room until you've said your piece.

And if you didn't say your piece in this forum, you are a fucking bitch. If you don't, if you feel the need to say something beyond this room. Which is part of the decompressing, part of keeping no lies. Exactly, this is a grieving process. From flash to bang, like that's,

and I've realized this after the fact, mind you, but that whole process, I wasn't afforded that, either side of it. So if you're building, you can't have it. They never train you to, when you're, I went back to the embassy like two days later in Mali, and this dude, this grown ass man comes up to me, starts crying and asks me if he can hug me.

And I was like, who the fuck are you? And I didn't say that, but I was like, but he only recognized my tattoos because I had just a t-shirt on with Kit and stuff. And he was in such, I don't remember him specifically, but he was in such, no, no, him specifically but. Was he Mel Dyer? No, no, he was just, he was trapped in the hotel, American. He was a government employee or contractor or something.

But he said, hey, I just recognized your tattoos and he just broke down because when I was carrying him out, he had his head down and all he could see was my arm. Yeah, so. That's hero shit, bro. Well, they don down and all he could see was my arm. Yeah, so That's here. I don't train. Well, they don't train you. They don't train you like typically It's that same shit you think of where it's like fucking boom go do some gnarly shit get on the plane Helicopter go back and high fives and cocktails, you know that kind of thing. Yeah, and then I stayed over there Just fucking unraveling because everybody else, like there was another,

everything was like, oh, is this another attack? And they would look at me and they'd be like, oh, that's cool, we'll just link up at Kyle's and he'll figure it out. He's got this. And I just stayed over there. And to be honest, I was just, I was like, sure. Because at that point, I've learned it so much

and I've grown so much since then too. And I really do feel like I endured all of those things because of what I'm doing with it now. I want to find some auto parts, but I need a friendly staff. I need people that know what the parts are. I want maintenance. I want repairs when, and I want to be able to go to a one-stop shop

All right, ask me I keep telling you O'Reilly Auto Parts who are in the business of keeping a car on the road The team at O'Reilly's auto parts can help you with every need but I'm an auto novice What do I know dude if you're a rookie or an expert the employees at O'Reilly Auto Parts are super knowledgeable helpful Best of all friendly fresh parts people O'Reilly Auto Parts are your one-stop shop for all things auto do-it-yourself. You can find what you need in store or online. Stop by O'Reilly Auto Parts today. Visit them at OReillyAuto.com slash fighter. That's OReillyAuto.com slash fighter. Oh, O'Reilly. Stream all the movies and shows you love for free on Pluto TV. Say what now? Showtime.

That means drama is free with heart wrenching stories from Love and Basketball, Power and Green League. In this family, we live by the spirit. And laughter is free with gut busting comedies like Pee and Peel, The Neighborhood, Everybody Hates Chris and Boomerang. Watch all the hits all for free from all your favorite devices. Oh my god Feel the freak Pluto TV stream now pay never We don't know how to know I'm doing. We don't know how to deal with this

That's why it's so important to talk about this because you know Like I I had a hard time the other the other day and we're real close here And I I fucking texted him and he doesn't know how to deal with that and I'm the same way You know what he said he goes dude. I get doesn't know how to deal with that. And I'm the same way, you know what he said? He goes, dude, I get it. You gotta snap out of it. Come on, we got, and he was, he like me, this is how we deal with it. He go, yeah, it sucks.

We got work to do, bro. We got, let's get this. Especially during that time. Like there's a time to feel sorry for yourself and then we have to get to work. And I was saying, and I'm like, yeah, you're right. What the fuck am I doing? I'm a bitch.

And we start, I was laughing so hard cuz I was like you you're a great therapist Dude, thanks for that, but you're not gonna find your buddy's what do they do? They don't tell you how to solve your problem No, they give you a place that you've got you've you're creating you've created a platform for for people to come and share and then internally or inner relationship like you you you surround yourselves with people that you look up to you respect and Admire and then let them be that mirror ironing sharpening iron. Yeah, right like that. So can I have her but it's like

Fuck I didn't understand what that meant Kyle lamb Is a mentor. He's a former unit guy too, but back in like Mogadishu and he retired like early 2000s, he has a company, Viking Tactics, and VTAC, he makes these really great slings, phenomenal trainer, but before any of that, he was a spiritual mentor for me. He said things to me at a time where I was like, what, like try your best to love everyone?

I was like, what the fuck does that mean? Like literally, what does that mean? And and and most powerful thing ever? That's a good and then iron and sharpen on and I was like nah Like you need like some sort of harder metal to sharpen the softer like I don't get that like it But you know now I am ready to receive those things So I am damn sure gonna share those those things that have impacted impacted me. And that's why I say, with each other, sometimes it just takes, this is like a marital thing too, maybe they just want to vent.

And trying to solve everyone's problems, why don't you just listen? And that's why I truly am trying to, unless it's, Ryan. No, no, no, but I'll get in here. I'll get into your kitchen. But going back to that, when you guys debrief, when you come back and you, after a mission, and everybody has to speak their piece,

is that, because I'm interested in that team building thing, my guess is whenever you go and do something, people are going to fuck up, or people are going to do things that might put you at risk, or people are going to just, something happens. Things happen. The worst thing that could happen in a team like that might put you at risk, or people are gonna just, something happens. Things happen. The worst thing that could happen in a team like that is building resentment or saying,

this guy's kind of softer than this guy, I can't rely on that guy. So if you don't get everything out in the open, so are you able to, when you're in those delicate situations, how do you guys navigate the idea, and is the idea to say, hey, I gotta be honest, you fucked up there. No, that's that forum, that hot wash. That's what I talked about.

I said it pretty bluntly about, if you don't air your grievances, and maybe you feel like because you're newer, you can't. That's why we link up as a team before we go into these bigger hot washes. There's the team one and then there's the bigger ones, or even team troop and then bigger squadron or whatever. But you go into those and someone's gonna represent you

if you don't feel like you have enough time there. But that's a forum for everyone to stand up and say, from a tactical misjudgment, or it's about perspective too though, because we're only seeing what we see. So like if you, well, if you and I go into a room, I go left, you go right, and then he's outside coloring. Yeah.

Coloring. Coloring. Unless I'm drawing maps, and I'm going, guys, this is red, this is blue. Can you draw this little treasure map? We're gonna go there next. I'm fucking, I'm going on steroids. I I'm gonna stairs. I'm gonna get so fucking trapped out. It's sick. I'm done. It's all about accountability, huh? Yeah, I mean internal accountability. Yeah, like you that's your your your opportunity to step up and be like, hey I did this you account for everything you do, right?

And that's your forum to do it because if if it becomes known after, you're fucking gone. You're fired. Yeah. Yeah, by the way, he said that if you're in the unit, you can get fired any time. Of course. For performance-related issues, like 100%. Your job's always on the line.

There is a remediation period, but just like trends, right? You make a mistake, well fuck, let's talk about the environment, why that happened, what you were doing. It's a data point for me as a leader. I'm like, maybe they're not sleeping well, maybe they have some marital shit going on. It's an opportunity for me as a leader

to maybe invest if they're worth investing in. And the guys that I worked with all were, because they do get the right people together. And it's because the selection process hasn't changed. Can you talk about that selection process at all? Are you allowed to? You're not allowed to. No. So how did you get you? Not right. No, I'm not.

He clearly doesn't want to be. So I'm saying it's you against yourself, against the terrain. What I know in an unknown time. What I'm interested in whoever came up with is a genius because they were able to they were able to they make it so hard that For a thousand reasons. I've talked to some guys who said, you know, like sometimes you'll be like special forces or Well, I would imagine for the the tier tier, you know that the idea I've only seen and read a little bit and talked but like one of the things is like I heard somebody say you could be

Running through the jungle. And for whatever reason. What's up with you in the jungle? I don't know, I like the idea of jungle or a forest. And a branch hits you in the eye, okay? And then you're out because you just got fucked up. There is a thing, some people for whatever reason, see that at a last minute thing

and turn their head this much. So the difference might be that. I didn't. I tore a third of my cornea because that's the same thing. Is that true? Not in selection, but in a different training thing. Yeah. Yeah.

That was awful. Yeah, but I'm curious how you got back to, so you're with your wife now. Yeah. So this is a lot. God bless her, right? Like to deal with, like she's a badass. And that's the only reason that I can even sit here and say that with confidence, and is because of her.

She never lost sight of the pure, loving, young, spirited Kyle that she started to see fade when I physically went into the darkness and metaphorically, right? For one reason or another, she held on to something, even though I left her the first time and then we got back together, and then I left her again. And then we got back together when,

well, when I got sober, which is almost November of the two years, and I almost died from what I thought was cocaine, but was laced with fentanyl. Jesus. And she fucking flew, and we were trying to date like long distance, but I was still fucking acting out and hiding, right, in my own kind of way,

rationalizing all this crazy shit. And, uh, she came and, and, and just took, took care of me, man. And she always, she's always been that person. How about that? And I owe her more than, more than words can describe. I want to meet her, man. Cause she's here. I want to, I want to, she's here and. Yeah. Yeah, so we're on a family vacation

That's why like we actually let's take us quick breaks. I want to make sure that they're are they okay? Yeah I'll check I think that's why I understand I never want to like compare myself to like obviously what you guys do, but a lot of I just relate to man You know, I'm pretty extreme life. I don't know what compared to that. That's so stupid. It's just not the same fighter I mean, yeah, but snow wouldn't it what they do is fucking insane It's just a different that different a person. No, it's the same caliber. Yeah, it's up from a similar cloth Yeah, I mean you're the same physical. I won't say every fighter but no I think yeah the ones that have the right head on their shoulders, you know, they could definitely do well

In those environments, I think I mean he's he, he's, I don't think if there's anybody I know was a civilian who, if I had to put my money in. Are you a high functioning, something? Yes. Like, I was a high functioning alcoholic. Yeah. He's a high functioning, he's an extremist. Because I didn't have to like wake up and drink

or go to sleep, drink to sleep, like, but if I didn't have something the next day, fucking party pistols are coming out. Do you? And I was just like. And that's why I wanted to get away from my family so I could just do it. Because I could feel a little bit. Do you think you're an extremist by,

do you think most guys who do what you do are extremists in one way or another? Yeah. That's why I talk about that light switch, right? I'm trying to build this dimmer switch system. Because you got on or off. It's either on or off. And I want to be able to just dim it up or down. Have you always been that way though?

Yeah. You have. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you look at just the way, I mean, dude, I was kicking indoors when I was 16 years old to into crack houses to go grab my sister. I was doing hostage rescues when I was 16, 17 years old.

That's interesting. Wait a minute. So hold on. We got to back up. Hold on. Some family trauma. Oh, there we go. My first visual memory was traumatic. Which was what? I was molested by my grandfather. Okay. That's pretty heavy. That'll fuck you up. And then your sister was a crack addict?

She was just drugs. I don't know if it was crack, I say trap house, whatever it was, just some fucking. The dark arts house. Yeah, it was going out in the woods to rescue her from the rainbow people or fucking whoever. She was just out there and I was just felt like this Captain Sabo hoe. You were doing hostage rescue.

It's supposed to be funny but. It was like. No it is, it is. But I was like I don't know if I should say this but I to be funny, but it was like. No, it is. It is. But I was like, I don't know if I should say this, but I'm saying it. No, it was good. But just your physicality, you were good at sports? Yeah.

I would assume football. I got kicked off of the football team because of my grades. So like I was severe ADHD as a child, like hanging on the window seals, undiagnosed, all that shit, because our family didn't have the means for for for much but But I could perform, you know, and I I so sports was it was an easy thing So I played football since I was five and you know, I got I think it was my 10th grade year I got kicked off the team in high school because of my GPA dropped below and I just went the other way I was like fuck it and I just started partying more. See that's such a I just wanted people to like me. I was just like, oh, you know, I feel like if you had the right

kind of back yard boxing. Yeah. If you had the right mentor, it's like those kids with that much energy. If you just push them in this direction, I mean, you're talking, dude, and that's where it probably goes to the pros. At least goes to college. That's what I talk about with, uh, I had a teacher that was actually a former army ranger and I didn't know shit about the military but he's he saw some he saw something in me and he took me under his wing and he's the only reason I Got onto a path between my junior and senior year to actually even graduate because he sat me down over the summer was like how you're not gonna graduate as it is right now and Let's let's unfuck yourself first of all,

but I remember he was a coach too, and I remember he put that time, that effort, I didn't have any mentors to look up to, to model my father and mother fucking shit show, and they still are. And so that's why it's so important that people like us and so many others can step up and be that positive male or female role model.

And little things you say, the interaction, especially as you become celebrities, and are, and gain influence, and your spheres of influence start to create. Yes, like your words matter, they always do, but they can mean something to someone else that you may not even realize, and that could potentially change like it did for me,

just because he took that moment, those moments to help get me onto a track to graduate. 9-11 happened that year, my senior year, September 11th, 2001, and then I signed up for the delayed entry program into the army December 2001, but it was contingent on me Graduating high school that that spring and then turning 18 and then I left and I was in basic training two weeks later What got you into the Green Berets and what do you think pushed you into the other stuff? Man I didn't know a fucking thing when it came to a lot.

I was just wet behind the ears. Physical kind of phenom, that kind of, that set me apart from others because they would haze the fuck out of me. It was like crazy back then in the infantry. I was an 82nd Airborne. And like you literally just, I'd be sitting there in the iron chair with my back holding the door closed With two like k-pots these kevlar helmets back in the day and they just be quizzing me putting shit in taking shit out Just in the iron chair, you know that is now

You're just holding that position the reason they did that your quads are on fire. And it's, yeah, and you're just holding that position. The reason they did that against the door, it wasn't because it was the only wall, it was because they didn't want someone else to just come in and see the fucking shenanigans going on in there, and that was every day. But you had the physical constitution

to be able to handle a lot more than most people. Yeah, I mean, physically, that's where going back to the sports thing, like I really do, now, I guess, I definitely think that had I had a different environment and mentor, even just one at a younger age, to help kind of guide me and mold me

from a sports related perspective, because I was just kind of showing up, blowing up, but there was no kind of like what's next at all. So, I'm not saying I would have been a professional athlete, but I definitely would have pursued that. I would have pursued that. And just based on what I ended up pursuing, it's the same kind of mindset of like, what's next?

Like, how can I be better? How can I? What you do is so physical when you're in the unit though, isn't it? I mean, the whole, the Army's physical period. I mean, there is standards, especially as you get into infantry and then in special forces, like, and then obviously in the unit,

that's one way of scrubbing the riff-raff out, is physically, can they do this or that? And then the rest of it is like, all right, are they the right person from a psychological profile from a from a team perspective can they be a member of a team and That's huge because you could be the biggest physical phenom in the world But if you're you know, you can't hold a conversation with somebody or you're just toxic as hell like in any team environment It's not worth it. See ya.

When I did a USO tour in Afghanistan, I remember I was sitting there, and when you go into war zone, was it 2000? Can you say Afghanistan? Afghanistan. Afghanistan. Okay. When you go into a war zone.

I just went back there. That was crazy. Yeah dude. I say it authentic bro. Oh yeah. Iraq, Afghanistan. You were there how long, B? I was there for two weeks I think almost.

And I did a USO tour. I would love to do that. I did, it was the best, stand up and stuff. I'll be your your personal security. Hell. Yeah, that'd be dope I'd be good. I'd do it in a heartbeat. You don't drink though anymore. Yeah, you don't drink really You don't drink in a warzone air. Anyway, you can't Know I mean, but we mean general order. We didn't one is there's no alcohol environments, but we'll figure it out No alcohol no sex. Yeah. But we went there and Okay.

And I shaved down for you. Yeah. We went down there and we and Finally something funny. When you go into a war zone, everybody's tough guy.

You know, everybody looks in shape. Everybody's, you know, you're not gonna feel Not everybody. You're a guy like me. If you're a guy like me, You see these fobbits dude, that's what we call them, fobbits.

Forward operating bases, the bases. Yeah, fobs. Yeah. The fobbits, do you have people that never leave the wire, but they're just and you see it's like going in Walmart at certain times Of the day. Yeah, it's war. We went just fucking you're right. You're right. How are the same species? You're like what the fuck are you doing here? Yeah and go back to your little fucking hole yeah, so I was talking to an infantry guy who was a sergeant and he's kind of a big tough guy and I saw I don't know who they were but I tell a story I I'm sitting there in the airport waiting for a flight. I see a thank you for service

I didn't I did motherfucker, but I did I did but I saw a bunch of dudes who didn't have you ID and They didn't seem to have regular uniforms. And I did their weaponry look different. And they were all guys who looked like you. They were all built differently. They all look like an NHL hockey team. Is that when you got on your knees or was it? No, no, no.

That was when my face was against the wind. I presented to them like a beta baboon. I presented my ass. That's my patriotic dude. I go, guys, I can't cook, but I have this for you. I can offer this. And then they threw up on my back. But it was so funny, because as I watched them walk by,

I went, oh, those guys are, that's different. And I go, and I looked at them, and I go, you know me, I go, who the fuck are those guys? Like, who crossed the lions with the men? And the guy just said this, and I never forgot, he goes, that's a dark side, brother. That's a dark side. And I go, well, who are they?

And he goes, I think those guys might be Delta. So here's a couple things there before I move on to that story. I think, fuck, what did you just say? Oh. Presenting my hole? No, no, that's got me stuck. I'm trying to.

Damn it. Distracted you. All right, continue the call. Yeah, because you had to stuck. Okay. Damn it. Distracted you. All right, continue the call. Yeah, because you had to start fucking around. See? But what I, what I had to do was. It'll come back. I was like, be in a war zone.

You were talking about people, some people don't look like they're in shape. Then we were talking about. The hobbits of the base. Then talking to the infantry guy, the sergeant. Yeah. Thank you for your service. Yep.

And then, and then, and then I saw these men walk by. But until you get, I can't remember. Men. I think some of that's. I think I remember I mean I think so I think that uh, I didn't fucking like I didn't emphasize. No, I think you like there's a lot of people that think they know Yeah, be careful what you consume right we talked about this yes, you know, there's people I even heard Andy Don't talk about on y'alls one of your more recent interviews Yeah, and he talked about it like the stories that people come up with and fabricate. Oh, yeah, just to fucking impress people Yeah, it's like not that that's what you're doing right now. No, I know I'm sure there was some some hot men walking through

Like they look different. There it is the different thing you know, but just be careful what you consume because you know one, people that have truly seen and done real war and intimately taking another human being's life over and over or even just once is something that we will never glorify. And I won't carry myself in a manner that I need to pound my chest anymore. I need to prove to you or you or anyone how badass I am.

I will just perform on demand under stress. And those people that have truly seen, they will never fabricate these stories. And so I've just heard some of the craziest shit. Andy and I were talking about, Andy Jacobson wrote a book called Surprise Kill Vanish. And she met this ground branch guy who was, she was told he was like this CIA paramilitary guy.

And you can see what it is, I talked to Andy, I said, she goes, and he had a scope and you could see the veins on a leaf from way back and he had set it up in my heart. And then he had a case and it had a knife in it. she was like what's that for and he goes sometimes a job deserves quiet Yeah, I said that's a dude trying to get laid who's just had this journal for the book And his response was like, you know, you mean like to like open my MREs and I was like fucking hell dude That's exactly what I'm saying. You know, what's that? You know, I haven't met him yet

No, but you know, I've heard really great things about him and what I find interesting like we've had off the and he's a good Buddy of the show he's been on how for eight years now Tim Kenny's I'm super close to Tim Kennedy Remy his books there. He's amazing. Yeah, Jocko you have all these guys I feel like there's such a wealth of knowledge from guys like you That when in Matt bass like the guys from black rifle who are boys They're all they're all humble the first thing they always say is but they're all they have so much to give like even though You guys are done serving in that capacity like, you know Thank you for our freedom

But like the the amount of skill sets that you guys have now that can that like push transfer transfer over into the business world And educating people, I just don't, I feel like it's an on tap wealth of knowledge. I feel like you're coming up with ideas for how to monetize it. But that's where we need people. It's not even about monetarily, but like in a financial situation,

just people like you'll hear a lot of guys that get done with doing what you're doing, they go, yeah, I get done, I don't know what to do. To me it's like, oh my god. What can't you do? That's a level of skill set you have in the discipline You have to be able to transfer teamwork right because and you got to believe that right to the hardest thing because it's only been a Year since I've officially retired just over just a little over your cry 31st your crush But it's it's taken I have to go out and do these things because for one

Because man, I when I was starting to go out and do these things because for one Because man I when I was starting to go like transition out. I was like fuck this fuck that I'm not doing anything I got rid of all my shit and and but here I am, you know and Because the Yvoldy happened and I was like this was the mission from a training perspective It just woke me back up on why? from a training perspective, it just woke me back up on why. Let's take a little break here, because this episode of The Fighting Kid is brought to you by my fave, the best of the best. They moved in next door.

We've been with them since day one, the ride or die for us. We're talking about true classic. They got one mission, to make sure you guys look good and feel even better. And guess what? They nailed it the fits fantastic Their shirts joggers hoodies summers coming if you see me in a white tee, it's true classic. It's all I rock

All right, they have Fantastic gear for you the essentials. They're the best of the best We've been them with them since day one. You'll see them on the UFC You'll see him on big podcasts, but they started with your boys right here. Our boy Ryan at true classic is crushing it for good reason. It is the best t-shirt you will ever put on your fricking body. And they got button ups, they got joggers, they got chinos. The summers here, get your wardrobe right.

Kids forget overpriced designer nonsense. Skip the cheap throwaways true classic delivers Premium essentials built for real life grab yours at target or Costco or just head on over to to classic comm slash fighter get hooked up today to classic Take a little break here because I'll tell you what's breaking on you man is your wiener Yeah, wiener is so tired and lethargic and like what am I going to do? I've tried the gas station pills, the side effects were hurtrocious. I've tried the prescription pills, not good either. What am I going to do? I'm going to

tell you what to do with your wiener. You're going to use Joy Mode sexual performance. Man, you're going to use Joy Mode sexual performance booster. That's right, no nasty side effects. It's all natural supplement designed to enhance blood flow, giving you that firmer, more reliable wiener. We gotcha. Listen, mix a pack with water, feel the effects within 45 minutes, take control with Joy Mode,

get a boost anytime, anywhere, you never miss a beat. We're talking strong strong stiff wieners We got you boys all Natural joy mode. It's straightforward join over 200,000 million bros who trust joy mode with their wieners starts description save up to 30% Keep your performance at its best without any interruptions So if you're looking to take your wiener game to the next level visit Try joy mode comm use the code fighter at checkout for 20% off single purchase 30% off subscription orders. That's try

Joy, y M O D E dot com use the code fighter 20% off single purchases 30% off subscription orders your wiener Well, thank you. Enjoy back to the program Parkland school shooting happened in Florida and I was like, you're waiting on backup while our kids are dying? Negative, bro. Like, fuck all that. Like, if it's just me coming in and empowering you and building your confidence that you can respond and that you, even your basic law enforcement officer has got more training than any of these fucking, like, I say evil, right? Instead of calling it insanity or whatever. It's just fucking evil, man.

I appreciate that word. Me too. And the fact is, it only takes one person to make- Evil exists, I'm sorry, evil exists. No, absolutely. Just sometimes there's bad people. But a lot of people disagree with that. A lot of people disagree with that, what I just said.

And I think that's a fundamental Fundamental difference in my philosophy that evil exists and you have to accept that Well, if you don't believe evil if you believe that evil doesn't you have you have never? You've never you're you're living in a fucking some sort of bubble But also how's that going for you? How's it going for just? Just saying, that's mental. It goes back to this ignorance. How's this going for us? It's not fucking worth it. It's just, well, that won't happen here.

It's just a matter of when, not if. But when you talk about evil, Kyle, it is a religious idea, right? So, because to believe in evil means you have to believe in its opposite. And when you say evil to somebody who is not about that, what they say is this, they say things like, well, I would say mentally ill,

or they categorize it as something other than them, right? Something other than, like, there's no free will really at the end of the day. And that's, I fundamentally disagree with that on a moral level, because I do think there is such a thing as evil. And guys like you- But also taking that path isn't working.

Right, and guys like you have been in the theater of war, I've never heard a guy who's like you not say that there is shit, that there is objective evil out there. You can't unsee it, man. And I've seen the worst that this world has to offer, and I could care less if they're mentally ill or not. I mean, arguably, like I've dealt

with my own mental health issues, right? And I'm here to tell you, it doesn't have to always be the case. I used to just accept, well, that's just the new norm, whether it was a cognitive decline from blast injuries and psychological stress, because they also have a physiological impact on you. It's not just psychological. Over time, it fries your amygdala. Being stuck in fight, fight, or freeze, that 80% mode, like you can, that cave, right? You go back to the cave, you reset. Well, what ends up happening when you go back,

forth, back and forth into those environments constantly at those op tempos, then you get this operator syndrome and you get stuck, and maybe it's not 80, but maybe it's 60, maybe it's 40, but now you only have 60% to work with on little things. Like I started developing, I'm supposed to wear hearing aids because I have moderate hearing loss in my left ear

and a little bit in my right, but- From like bomb blasts? From gunshots and bomb blasts and things like that. But it's actually, it's coupled with an auditory capacity processing Issue as well. Yeah, my grains and everything. Well, yeah current migraines insomnia. I have all all the things I'm 100% disabled on like one side of my body. What do you do to combat that? Have you done anything? Yeah, so so that's I've done the plant medicine. I

Yeah, I've done the IB gain experiences twice since the Sean Ryan show I went and did those two What is the IB again again? Can you talk so I began is um, it's a plant medicine that they've been using for They've been using for opioid opioid use disorder administering It's one of the only medicines that you can administer and I say medicine because you know Psychedelics are class one legal or class one substance or illegal substance. So that means that there is no medical use, right? To be, Nixon put it in that whole category.

And that was just a hammer when they needed a scalpel right back then. And there are some phenomenal, like Ayahuasca, and think of Ayahuasca being like the grandmother of psychedelics and then Ibogaine's like the grandfather. They're not to be fucked with. Like, it's not something you ever do to escape. It makes you, it meets you where you are,

but it makes you confront things. And the experiences themselves are long with Ibogaine. It's 24 to 36 hours of being in this environment. You're hooked up on EKG, heart rate monitors. So you're hallucinating for 24 to 30? Well no, there's no hallucination, there is no hallucinations. You have visual, if you're gonna have anything,

you'll have visualization. So like I was telling you the other day, like the first time I did it, all I saw was darkness. And maybe that's what I was all I could handle, you know, at that time. But I think there was an element of being on SSRIs, or antidepressants prescribed for five, six years. And I'd been on three, you know, Prozac, Zoloft.

Were you allowed to be on that while you were an operator? I mean, yeah. I was prescribed all of that stuff. And, you know, because they're like, oh, we gotta keep these guys in the fight. So they're just, you know, here, I was prescribed all of that stuff. And, you know, because they're like, oh, we gotta keep these guys in the fight. So they're just, you know, here, take this, and then a max dose, and then they're augmenting with this. And then their bottom line was,

I'm not on any of those anymore. And Ibogaine is the great interrupter that allowed me, cause the first time, I think because I had the SSRIs in my system still, the psychotropic aspect, like it didn't allow Ibogaine to attach to the serotonin receptors. So, because when I went back six months later and did it again, it was a whole different experience

where I actually did have visuals. I've never heard of Ibogaine. So I know Iowas got psilocybin. Ibogaine is from the Iboga root and it's in the Gabon region of Africa. And there you go, Ibogaine is a dissociative psychedelic with, I can't even pronounce that, honoraric. Properties that have multiple.

Anti-addictive mechanisms. So that's anti-addictive mechanisms. So they call it the great interrupter, man. And it's so true because they can administer Ibogaine in certain clinics with people in heroin withdrawals. And some people that are heroin addicts for long periods of time with one Ibogaine treatment are freed from that.

Think about the fact that it exists. It's so good. I did it twice, but when I did it the second time, it helped me deal with more than just trauma. It's an opportunity to make change. Damn. It rewires your brain? Truly, the second time I did it, I woke,

or not woke up, but you're laying down in the morning when they come and check on you, or they're there with you the whole time, but when Trevor Millar, the psychedelic healer that's there with you the whole time but when the Trevor Millar the the the psychedelic healer that's there with you um he has his his resort or his uh treatment facility in Mexico like just south of the border in Tijuana and are you lying in a bed and they are you in are you getting it intravenously no no it's pill form okay so they've basically synthesized the Ibogaine or Iboga root, because ceremonially in Gabon in the region of Africa

that they've been doing this for a long, long time, they actually use it ceremonially in the Bwiti tribe for if we have a community, a communal dispute, or if you had a miscarriage, or if you had, you know, some just simple like issue, like they'll come together as a tribe and do these rituals and they're all there. Everyone does them together, even though it's only you. Like they're supporting you is what I mean.

And so Trevor does his, he creates as much as he can that type of environment, and this is actually another good point too, because I was afraid, because I'm in relinquished control, right? Like, something's gonna take over in this environment, or I'm gonna lose my ability to be in control, so that fear, the anxiety that started to come, and then that death of ego that happens.

It truly does happen happen and that breath work is what kind of pulled me through. Even in that space, I remembered I control my own breathing. So I started breathing. You were tripping. So the visuals I was having, it's different for everybody. Some people talk about like a movie clip strip kind of flying in front of your face,

but it's scenes from your life. And it'll stop when you ask it. You can ask, you can be, it's intuition based, but you need to have a, ask it some sort of questions. It can be an interactive thing. And for me, there was a certain scene, it was like this paper theater kind of thing, weird. But like, the devil, like I was there

doing some nefarious shit and not work related, like in my personal life, and then the devil was right there and like started to grab my shoulders and then he like just took a hold of me, and then I started getting sucked into hell. And then I remembered to breathe, because I was panicking, And I remember to breathe. And then, you know, that breath work created a space

for me to remember I can pray. And I prayed to God. And when I did that, Jesus came down and rescued me, which is something that I've always just wanted to be rescued, to be protected. So it helped you tremendously. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, that's cool. And do they only offer it for? So a combination of like breath work and all these others. I believe in all of these mindfulness things and being where you're sports, being where your feet are. But think about how profound that is. You're talking about it, you get emotional.

Yeah. Like that, that sounds like- The fact that I can still experience it and share it and I'm still processing and, and there is no, there is no magic pill. There is no magic therapy, man. It's just work. And if it's the work worth doing, do it, do it to its fullest. And how long ago did you do that? That second experience was May. So a few months ago. So yeah, it was, and the first one was in November. Do you have to go back? No, it's, some people, one treatment, it's a week long.

You go down there for a week and it's like, you get fed the catered, like, you know, five star food and it's amazing. It's just such a healing environment. And then the darkness piece, like people talk about about the psychedelic medicine and losing into the darkness of those black magic and blah, blah, blah.

I was worried about that myself because I am on the spiritual growth, journeying and conditioning. You ever read about Jacob when he wrestled the angel? No. So that's a story in the Bible. Is that in the Bible? Yeah, dude, it's like he wrestles with,

and he dislocates his hip. It's a big book. Yeah, but he, I believe after that his name becomes Israel because Israel means to wrestle with God. So the idea is, and I think I'm right about that, but Jacob's ladder, Jacob wrestles the angel. Oh, shit. The angel comes down, but that, you know,

you really have to wonder if the writers of the Bible, if this was inspired by psychedelics. Like what you just described was, like there you are in Mexico and the devil's trying to pull you into hell and could have won, and you remembered to breathe and Jesus came down and saved you. That's very similar to these motifs that you read over and over again in religious scripture. And that is real, man. It's like the psychic structures are all the same.

Did you have to pay for it yourself? No, so the nonprofit, so Special Operations Care Fund actually put me through when I did the first go around, I was a part of the trifecta research study that they're, it's actually still ongoing. It obviously works. But it's saving lives, man. And so it's not just that modality.

So they use the plant medicine, they use the brain magnetic resonation therapy. So the TMS, they do EEG, so they measure the brave waveforms and the alpha, beta, theta, delta waves. And my shit was all fucking, and they try to balance. So they basically put a magnet on your head and zap it

And it was super painful for me. It started actually Causing migraines again, which I've had under control With you know for a long time with met it with a well being away from blasts But also like in gouty or an auto injector that thing that once a month Like amovic or it's on the same category, for migraine prevention. It's the only ones that are out there. I don't have to take that anymore though. But, and then the hormonal stuff.

So like all your, the balancing. So I just started that whole treatment. I've been on it for four or five months now, but like the testosterone replacement, there's a few other things. Because your testosterone was very low, right? Yeah. From a brain injury?

Yeah, well that's, and a lot of it's the pituitary gland, like just gets smacked, you know, it sits right back behind our nasal cavity, and with overpressure, you know, and blast injuries, a lot of it's, you know, your prefrontal cortex, it gets just the, you know, it gets damaged, that's where the scar tissue really starts to form. But then the pituitary gland, they're still trying to figure this out, but they're using

... which started with professional football players and now they have 20 plus years of being at war. So I think back to the trifecta study is they're gonna take this data over this next year that they're doing this. They wanna get 40 plus more guys through that with the three modalities of treatment. And then they switched up the protocol,

kinda halfway through like the order at which you do it and things like that. But between that, another organization called VETS, Veterans Exploring Treatment Solutions, which is actually Marcus Capone and Amber Capone, they're a former, he's a former SEAL Team Six guy that he's a huge advocate for plant-based medicine. Yeah, so he's based on it.

What's that? Marcus Capone's doing that? Yeah, so that's who, so SOCF and VETS align, so when we do the plant medicine piece, like weCF and VETS align, so when we do the plant medicine piece, like we do it through VETS organization. Good for Mark's. We can only do that, we can only do any of those things with private donations.

With people that are in the place where they can donate, and what you're doing though by donating is saving fucking lives. And what it's gonna do though, is now you have all these different, the greatest generation of warriors that are getting out and healing, and now they're going to heal this fucking society.

They're gonna get into positions of power and influence, whether it's political or, what I'm even trying to do is impact and create and change this narrative. And you don't want darkness or you want light. Versus the other piece of it where it's like, you know, you're losing so many to suicide. And like a big part of what-

I'm sorry to interrupt on that because that's really important. Like why are so many guys, why do you think it is that so many guys end up killing themselvesilling themselves, you know Because I've had it's fucking I've had friends like take their own lives and I think You know because this really it's something I asked my therapist that I had at the time so talk therapy so I think the biggest difference between I can only speak on my own experience, right and

The reason I never took my own life was because I never closed that door completely for help. You know, whether it was just cracked or wide open, that just depends on fucking the moon. Can you talk about what it is though that one can't live down? Is it the proximity to life and death all the time, that razor's edge?

What is it like? No, it's so someone told me this a while back, but anything less than nurturing can be perceived or can can interpret it as as traumatic and I think comparing of traumas Is a big piece of this so like your trauma because people say this shit to me all the time and I stop them Because they go hey Kyle like I've been through some shit man, but nothing like you. And I go, well hold on a minute. Let me just explain how I view trauma. Like it's mine.

My trauma is mine. It's about my body of my journey in life up to that point, how well I was prepared to deal with whatever it was, and then how I deal with it after. My support structure, because you only deal with this, sharing it with another human being and a higher being, a God. That's the only way. I tried the other things, and because I never

closed that door completely, and then my youngest daughter, I loved her more than my ability to love my own self. So I would never have done that to her. So that's the only reason, but I know what that space feels like where I don't know the line. There is no line, hopelessness. When hopelessness comes in,

that feeling I felt twice in my life, and that is the most scared I've ever been. And scared for people around me. Yeah. Because there was no, somebody said to me, we were talking about suicide, and the guy who listens to our podcast said- You and I were talking about suicide?

Yeah, and he said, because you and I were trying to understand it, and he said- Yeah, he was like, what? I said, you and me, what? Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, we were talking about, in general- I think that's a murder and then suicide.

Well, the guy said hopelessness, he said, have you ever been in a sauna when it's so hot, you can't wait to get out of the door? And he goes, it was like there was no door. And I was like, oh, fuck, I get it when you say it that way. But yeah, man, well, this is why I think talking about this stuff is so important

because it's so- It's such a hard thing to answer your question. It's such a hard way to answer. I just know that hopelessness is the feeling that the line, there is no line. The next step, there isn't even a step. It's just circumstantial. Had I had in that hopelessness, I just had the ability

or the cognitive function to execute something like that. I could have been one of those people as well. But that's who you are, you know, you put the work in. You know, you've earned it. But I also want people to know that it takes work. Work. It takes, and it's the work that is worth doing. Yep.

Because, and I've only been able to get to that with that true sense of redemption. And it's not, I don't know if I was just addicted to digging a hole, like the jump in, or the climb out. Yeah. But I'm done fucking digging holes, man. And that doesn't mean I'm perfect. Temptation, so someone, my current therapist said this

to me and I love how he layers some scripture into it too because that's what I want in my life. Because I am truly trying to grow spiritually. Damn it, I'm still, TBI's still fucking with me. What was I gonna say? You were good. You haven't had any TBI. The,

the gross piece of it, like the, no, the redemption. Talking to your therapist, doing the work. I lost it. You're spiritual. There's a lot there. I'm not being spiritual, you were saying.

Yeah. When you were going into combat, those guys who were spiritual, it was like, just relate this to fighting? They kinda get shunned too. Yeah. Those guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What do the guys do? The guys that didn't drink or didn't, and this is me speaking on my own experience, right? Like, because I used to feel, oh, in order to fit in, I'm just going to say that, well, fuck that guy, he sucks. You need darkness, you need a little darkness. Well, they get bullied.

They get bullied because they're different. Yeah, they are. They are truly the outliers, right? But those are the guys that I look back on, and I'm just so proud that I even experienced some of the same things with them. But you and I talked about that. I look at those, hold up, I remember him fighting, there I even experienced some of the same things with them. But you and I talked about... I look at those...

Hold up, I remember him fighting. There'd be a guy in the back and we're all terrified to fight. I remember the guys who were praying. They were always more calmer. They were always... You talked to them like, God, it's in God's hands. I was like, God, I'm jealous, man. I wish I had that comfort.

Because I don't have that religious background. But neither do I, though. But this is me is changing that comfort. I don't, cause I don't have that religious background. Neither do I though. But, but, but, but this is me is changing that narrative. Yeah. Because I've seen the branches or the roots touch evil right now in order of the branches. It roots and touch tall in the branches. There's only one other way like, and I'm going that way because this way We only ends in more misery You know how that ends an alienation of everything I care about and ultimately and it could look and it could look different for everyone

It could just be like oh, I'm super successful And I'm gonna die alone. Yep, right. We're all gonna die It's just what am I gonna do with with every day with every day that I have on this earth? And also being patient with myself too. Temptation's one of those things that, this is what I was trying to say earlier, because I still struggle with being wired a certain way, but doesn't make me a sinner. No. Because if that was the case,

then Jesus would have been a sinner. Yep. And when someone told me, I just got chills, because I truly am trying to embody that, like in the fruit of the Spirit, and there's this ethos, right? Every saint you know has been through sin. All of those things that I've been like,

integrity, honor, fucking, whatever, like you can't have integrity on the battlefield and then go and do whatever the fuck you want in your personal life. That means you don't have integrity. I don't think you can't have integrity on the battlefield and then go and do whatever the fuck you want in your personal life. That means you don't have integrity. I don't think you can understand what God is without being a sinner. And that was me. And maybe, and not maybe, I needed to go through all of that

to endure those things, to then come as close as I am and as close as I'm becoming to my creator, to be a messenger of his intellect as I learned myself. Because the fact is, that psychedelic experience in itself is in a group, a small group, four or five of us, right? We talk throughout the, there's some, you sit down and talk about your intentions for the psychedelic, the Ibogaine experience

and then you burn it in the fire ceremony when you take the first pill, and it's like the red pill, you know? And, you know, it's, two of those guys were pretty specific about what I would say is like atheists. Like they believe, they don't believe in anything. But then after Friday, we sit down again,

after this week Both of them said to him without a doubt. Yeah, like without a doubt. They believe that there is something else out there well, I don't I maybe I've been I've lived a lot longer than everybody in this room and I think that One of the things I don't know if it's possible to come to the my get canceled for all this talk Oh, no, I don't think so I don't think it's possible to realize it's something much bigger than yourself and transcend it from the human experience

without going through some form of destruction. And I think the gift of destruction, in whatever form it takes, like you said, like that's your trauma, but the gift of destruction is a knowing. And if you navigate it properly, and if life brings you to your knees, and it can bring you to your fucking knees

because you got nowhere else to look but up, I think that that comes with a great gift, and that gift is the idea that there is something much bigger and that there is a difference between good and evil and that there is a path toward your best self and that higher truth. I have arrived at that and I was not that guy. So.

You had to go through some shit to get there. Fuck yeah. Thank God for guys like you, my man. Thank God for guys like you. The self forgiveness piece has been the hardest thing for me to overcome. I'm sure. And then I use, you know, heal without sin,

cast the first stone. I used to say that over and over, even before I had this like deeper spiritual growth kind of aspects that I do now, because I wanted to believe it. I wanted to want to believe it, you know, so that was how it started. And now I truly do. It's like, who are we to judge others? And I'm trying to embody that, even if you aren't spiritual or believe in God, like who are you to judge any other human being? And the trauma piece of this, the perspective, like I thought I was, if we all went into a room together

and did some close quarters battle, some gnarly shit happens in this room, and then we leave and go back to base and we're high-fiving, whatever, and you look at me, because it would probably be you, Ryan, and you're like, hey, you'd be like Kyle. You'd be like, sir, because I'm like, sir.

Kyle, I don't know how I feel about what just went down in that room. And I look at you and I say, man, that's a fuckin' Tuesday. Like, go over there and continue to color. And I'm like, what did I just do there? I shut you down, for one, the likelihood of you ever saying something like that to me again.

And for one, from a leadership perspective, that's horrible, but maybe the time isn't right then, it's just data, right? Boom, okay, well hey, we'll talk about that in a bit, man. But, because it could just be a tactical thing, a tactical thing. A tactical error. But, you know, it's about, you know, how you slept the night before, you know,

all the things going on back home. That's why I don't envy law enforcement, because they literally have to deal with fucking bullshit every single day. They don't know where the threat's gonna come from, or who's gonna fucking spit on them or shit on them, when every law enforcement officer you see that's there doing it for the right reasons, you should fucking thank them.

And that's just how I feel and that's just how it needs to be. But it boils down to, if I go to that point of domination, Brandon's over here, Brian runs down the middle because he's crazy and doing the wrong things. You know, and, but it's about perspective though. Like from my perspective, I'm seeing one piece of this room from yours, you're seeing this piece. And then from you, you're looking, you have your eyes closed I think.

But it, my whole point though is that like. Why do I have my eyes closed? Because it's scary. Okay. And. It's scary. Cause all I'm, I'm going to tell you this since we're going here.

I've been distracted by the big man to my left with very small feet. And those are aerobic shoes. What size shoes are you wearing? Those are girl shoes. Well, I'll tell you where. 11 and a half. You're not 11 and a half.

That's a lie. You're lying on my pocket. Especially this height. You're lying. Cause those are not. Those are dainty shoes. And those are first. Those are Air Max's and those are those are first

90 step class version And you've got adorable so I gotta run over to the show. All right. All right, but I'm just gonna keep going though No, well, let's wrap it up. Sure. It's been awesome. Yeah, we could I see why Sean did five hours Yeah, yeah Yeah, but we're gonna do it. He's turning me into a guy who colors and runs down the middle with his eyes closed. I'm sorry man. And I don't like it. No, you're good. We're gonna do it. Him and I are gonna do a deeper discussion. Well Kyle, we got this because Kyle was in town and we started talking and we'd been talking. On family vacation and my family, like I made sure that they were supportive of this. Yeah, I tell you why. Otherwise, we moved mountains here and we wanted to get things done. We wanted you in, man. No, and I know, so thank you guys very much. Of course, brother. I really, I'm extremely grateful

that re-communication connection that happened with us. Well, we're gonna stand. You had confused me with some other Kyle, which I get because I don't drink Monster Energy drinks and smash drive all the time. I was texting and I thought I was getting this guy from this other guy who was trying to get me to do a podcast and I I'm like I was like

Yeah, I'm busy. I would just talk like little mouse kind of a bitch And then I looked out who the fuck is Kyle Morgan and look it up ago. Oh gee. Yeah, I called him I go bro, bro, and then Brian called me. I was like hell. Yeah, well, I'm like, yeah No, I know it's amazing. We never do podcast You you should move and moving the things we can do those shoes and your small feet big body. Yeah Well, around and everything. Thank you for those shoes and your small feet and your big body. Yeah, well you're welcome. You're welcome. Well we appreciate man.

Yeah, that was great. And dude, you're crushing it man. No thank you. However we can support, yeah. Same, likewise, like you know, anything you guys wanna do or obviously. I'm coming out to train with you, period. Yeah, that'd be fun.

Yeah, I'm coming out and I'm gonna videotape it. Okay. Or I'm gonna shoot it, videotape, I don't know what that means, all right? Maybe. Yeah, cause my training never ends. We'll see if I release it or not. Yeah, we'm coming out and I'm gonna videotape it. Okay, I'm gonna shoot it videotape. I don't know what that means All right, maybe yeah, we'll see if I release it or not. Yeah, we'll see my dude on your platform I'm not gonna and I will have my eyes open. All right. Well, I love you guys. Thank you. Yeah, man Thanks, brother. Hey, see the best man Pluto TV has all the shows and movies you love streaming for free That means laughter is free with gut-busting comedies like The Neighborhood, Boomerang,

and Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Mystery is free with countless cases to crack from Criminal Minds, Tracker, and Matlock. And thrills are free with heart-pumping hits like The Walking Dead and Pulp Fiction.