The Fighter & The Kid - Throwback FAVES with Theo Von & Bobby Lee | TFATK Ep. 1010

Episode Date: July 18, 2024

We pick some of our favorite moments with Theo Von and Bobby Lee on TFATK, enjoy! True Classic - Go to https://trueclassic.com/FIGHTER and unlock big savings when you bundle items sitewide #trueclassicpod #sponsored Sportsmans Cove Lodge - Sportsmans's Cove Lodge - http://alaskasbestlodge.com/ Use code “TFATK” at checkout for 10% off your first trip! Happy Hippo - https://happyhippo.com/pages/brendan-schaub Promo Code: TFATK for 20% OFF for LIFE! JOYMODE - https://usejoymode.com/fighter or enter code: Fighter at checkout for 20% off your first order

Yes we did, cause we back at it again, it's the fight or the kid This is really the fight or the kid Come on baby Gang gang, what up Doug? Let's make it happen huh? Let's do this Doug Thanks for answering the bell Doug What's up?

You got that title bell huh? What's up Doug? That's your belt son Hey, you still alive huh? Where's your glasses at? Which ones? Don't you wear glasses? No, hell no.

Oh, really? No. Oh, dude, in my mind. I'd seen glasses? Yeah, in my mind I always picture you with glasses. Are we rolling? Bro. Everything is rolling.

Are we rolling? Bro, I've never... You never had glasses on? Never. Really? Seen glasses? Dude, I swear to God, every time I ever think about you, man, sometimes... Um, I think about you with glasses on dude. Why?

Huh? Because it's how you come across to people in their imaginations with with glasses. I guess like reading glasses. Yeah How about that when I get off stage at the lab factory right away you go, bro I figure out what you look like and like what this is for a bunch of other comics like what you're like You look like a Rottweiler. We got a shit Grab that mic son you do man. That's your belt son you look here. We go to the strap, baby Come get it who wants it huh who want I'll tell you a few guys aren't happy you got really Michael Rapaport not happy yeah, but he's in the seniors division now What about somebody that's still playing the real ball?

Yeah, not happy Chris the Leah do well look daddy's not happy if you want the strap come get the strap That's what I'm saying come get it son. You want a piece of this who else Sean Austin? Tony Hinchcliffe not happy either to Tony Hinchcliffe bro put on some weight, dude You can't weigh nine pounds and compete and a heavyweight Okay, Tony Hinchcliffe looks bro, put on some weight, dude. You can't weigh nine pounds and compete at a heavyweight. OK? Tony Hitchcliff looks like a, um, he looks like a, uh, he looks like he's been just run solely on bone marrow, man. You look like you don't even have a skeleton.

It's just bone marrow that's just kind of holding on to each other. Yeah. It's like you have a jellyfish. He looks like a strong jellyfish, and that's all he looks like. And who wants the strap? Delia, come get it, dude. Good boy, Simon Rex ain't happy. Simon Rex, dude he looks like and who wants the strap Delia come get it dude boy Simon

Rex ain't happy Simon Rex II do do you want even on the vote and come get it? You want that hitter come get it, and I'm taking this thing on tour with me every show I go to you want it the strap will be there you want to get a pic with the strap come get a pic with the strap dude Dude. Woo! Woo! Yeah, baby. Woo, woo, woo.

That's more of an owl, but I got an owl on my shirt today. That's a legit belt, that's an interesting shirt. Dude, that's a beautiful belt, man. That's a legit belt, right? And anybody wants a Michael Rapaport you wanted, dude? Quit crying about everything, bro. And come get back in the game, dude. I gotta shoot with him tomorrow and he's not happy.

Who, Rapaport? Yeah, we're shooting this comedy bit together tomorrow and he's not happy. I wouldn't be happy either you gotta be by an underdog and he just. You were the dog huh? Huh? You were the under. It's a Cinderella story really. Dude it's not Cinderella I think it's more masculine than that I think it's more of like a male like cinder. They have the term Cinderella story yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah But yeah, man, I thought you wore glasses man, that's strange cuz I see you all the time I've never worn glasses really never damn. What do I wear this with do the crown? I don't know You may just wear that like a tank top

Like a wife beater without mullet. No, man. This isn't a mullet, dude, bro That's a mullet if I've ever seen one you have the same mullet that John, you know, John crook is John crook Yeah, yeah, you guys you and him have the same haircut. Do we really bring up John Crook? You're golfer? No baseball player I'm thinking of John Daly's You know John crook John crook boy Everything was a triple because he was on cocaine. Yeah Solid boy son looks like he ate his family that brother. That dude's a legend. Yeah boys bloated didn't he? Yeah, he doesn't bloated actually slow bloated and that's back when you could do cocaine and play a lot of these guys today

Couldn't handle it. Yeah, how do you how you gonna do a bunch of cocaine itself tits though? Like that's the only thing that tempts me to do some coke I've never done in my life That's the only thing I'd get shred city. So yeah, oh, dude you would be City, bro Do you look like a dude that works at a Chevron bro that got stung by bees dude you look fucking You gotta get your life together Crooked looks like he's on soy cocaine. That's why he's got them titties, dude There's some estrogen heavy tofu cocaine

Tofu kids oh man this here is powerful though. Yeah, yeah, beautiful hair, dude Would you ever go something different with your hair? I don't know I seen about this morning. I was doing my hair I went God what a water show man should do something. I said what if I went to a real stylist? I wonder what they'd be like you should do this. Yeah, I get an extra you ever gotten like someone who knows here. Uh-uh Yeah, um that makes no I started cutting my own man. I don't trust this man That's been cutting mine over there by Floyd's. You go to Floyd's off Lincoln?

I go to the one off of, there's one off of Wilshire. Floyd's is a mix up though, because you go to Floyd's and, you know, I don't know the qualifications to be at Floyd's. Everyone's got their own business. Yeah, you gotta be. It just says Floyd's. It's a lot of violent lesbians too.

A lot of people there have misdemeanors. Yes, tattoos, piercings of the nose. Oh yeah, everything. Yes. It's like one lady had both of her eyes pierced shut and I'm like what the fuck is this? Cutting your hair. Yeah.

Oh my damn. Most of them came here to be actors and shit, didn't work out. Uh-uh. From the resentful, cutting your hair. And then that's why they cut. Trying to make me look like shit and know when I gotta audition.

Yes. Fucking haters. So they make you look like shit because they can't they they don't want you getting their part that they don't that they couldn't get Correct. Yeah, it's a lot of that out here man. But yeah, this thing is awesome, man I thank you guys so much. Thanks to the voters. You know what I'm saying boy This thing is real dude. One of your fans was like yo if you're doing guess the your belts this place Give does belt So I looked at the link. I'm like damn that shit looks legit sent to the chin

I was like yo strike up these belts son wow. Thank you guys man. This is really cool Thanks, you could have to son you never know that one I'm gonna be like Tim Silve he slept with his belt who did Tim Silve of the UFC champion slept with his belt Oh, I'll sleep with this thing dude. I'll take this to the fights? Who wants this thing Max Ferguson? Stuttering who's that other guy? Mike Payne whatever that guy is iron Mike Payne. Yeah, you know you find You you I'll tell you what you max pain you want you next page you want to go viral You shoot a sex tape in that hot

Do it for the fans, son. Just wear that strap. Where am I gonna wear it? Am I gonna wear it around my neck during sex? Nah, you tie it real tight just around your upper area. Get that dick out. Get that dark arts dick out. Yeah, boy.

That D.A.D. That fucking dad stick. You know what I'm saying? I got the heart of a lesbian, son, and I'm coming to a city near you. That dad stick you know what I'm saying I got the heart of a lesbian son and I'm coming to a city near you that dad stick you're not a dad but you're gonna bring that belt to Calgary yeah we got next yep I'm up in Calgary yuck yucks and then I was just there man where you're gonna love you there yeah yeah I'm excited how nice is it there oh Calgary is dope it's like Denver it reminds me a lot of Denver yeah been in Denver reminds me of shitload of Denver

where I was born and raised Yeah, oh really your mountain child. Oh, yeah a little bit a little bit city kid though really Where Denver City of Denver? Yeah, Denver's a big city. I was in Yeah, Denver City, I mean there's buildings there and there's cars going through it You get somebody fucking stabbing with a granola knife in Denver do you can't that's bolder Now it's not New Orleans New Orleans a different type of city. You can't get murdered in Denver, man Oh, you can go down to Montbello five points something like that. Although five points cleaned up right now. Yeah little hoodie a little hoodie what they're just it's like They're just, it's like some second-hand,

it's like, you know, they're just selling like, you know, old North Face jackets. Like there's nothing. No, bro, you go to Highlands Ranch where my brother lives? Yeah. Now it's all white people. It's all white people, it's the suburbs. A lot of meth going around them.

Oh really? A lot of meth. Yeah. A lot of meth, and also a lot of swingers. I don't know if you know this, but if you go to Denver, you want go about 20 hours 20 minutes 20 minutes north 20 Hours 20 hours 20 you want to go about 20 minutes north of Denver The Highlands Ranch because what these swingers do is they they put pink flamingos on their lawn

Oh, wow, be there in the winter. I got that to make sense. Yeah, but that means they're down to party Oh, that's a coach like the Underground Railroad sense. Yeah. But that means they're down to party. Oh, that's a code. It's like the Underground Railroad. Older people having sex with each other's couples. Wow. Yeah. Because back in the Underground Railroad, if slave times, if you were cool with slaves and you wanted them at your house and you wanted to have sleepovers with them, then you would put like a lantern outside of your porch at night. And they would know that was all good to come over and like eat and chill and stuff. Yeah. And they would know that it was safe to stop over there. Yeah. It's kind of like that without the slavery.

You just get your dick sucked. Dude, I was in, yeah, yeah, wow, so it's, Denver's a big swingers area? Yes, sir. Wow, I wonder why. That's some white shit, you know what I'm saying? It's white suburb shit. Yeah, black people aren't sharing,

black people aren't sharing pussy with each other, you know? No, white people, they get bored with their nine to fives and then they're just trying to watch their wives get fucking rammed. Ugh. I've had quite the offers there when I... Have you? Yeah.

I never did it. To what? Come in what? Come in, I used to be, I used to train soccer moms in the morning, 6 a.m. And they want you to come in with the husbands? Well, not all of them. Someone keep on a secret. Well that's not a swagger, bro. Well no, I'm just saying I quite the offers man

Oh, yeah, well sure people have tried to fuck you, but I'm just saying this week is party Dude, I went I was in Lake of the Ozarks, Missouri, and this is we're doing a stand-up gig. I love it Yeah, it's beautiful And they me and this dude pull up this young brother who actually this guy went to jail is in Isn't jail right now for murder. I hope he's listening. Uh, he might, I don't know if he gets, do you guys get, go to jail? Do you guys play in jail? I think they have access somehow to the internet. That's all shout out to all the inmates. Praise God. Trump did that. I bet. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I mean, good luck. A little credit. The guy commissary, you get your sticky

buns with some fire in the kid. Dude, would have Trump said I'm unleashing fighter in the kid in all prisons across America That'd be dope to turn Trump Dude I bet in ten years you and Trump could be doing a tag team match in the WVS So damn But go back to your boy who's in prison listening so yeah,, so I pull it so me and this guy who's oh now Oh, I suck a dick. Oh, yeah, I mean it's a swinger. Yeah You know here. Well, here's what happened. We pull into this hotel and this is the hotel We usually say that we've been there before to do this gig

you know you do a one-nighter in Lake of the Ozarks and you do the other two nights in Columbia, Missouri and We pull in down there to Lake of the Ozarks, we walk up to the front desk of the hotel, we've been there before, and they said, boys only, girls only, or boys and girls only? And I'm thinking like, well shit, you know, I think I'm just trying to get these, you know, Ramada Rewards Club, that's all I'm thinking. You know, I think I.

So boys only. Yeah, so I'm thinking, I don't know what. I'm like, what honors program is this? Like, is like is this you know some sort of lake of the Ozarks I get extra points Yeah, yeah So anyhow dude they had bracelets with these boxes and it was a swingers had rented out the whole Hotel they're trying to fuck and they didn't even know we were coming and the the the hotel had forgot that they had this This monthly deal with the comedians. Way to go.

Yeah. So we show up and we didn't have anywhere else to go. And so they let us stay there for the weekend. We couldn't compete in any activities, right? Which is like they got all kinds of sex games and you would see just like these couples rolling in with those like push carts. Lake of Ozarks isn't actually, I'm trying to be cool here. I wouldn't say it's not the most beautiful.

Oh, it wasn't real hotties, dude. And they had a couple of people brought a brother in with them. You'd see a couple of older white people with a young brother, and you're like, what is this? And you could tell he was that hitter, bro. Yeah, he's the clean up. Oh, he was Albert Bell. Do you know what I'm saying?

Albert Bell, that's so old school. He was Tony Gwyn, bro. He was a Mark McGuire It was a lot of Rick Sutcliffe's and a fucking 10 then that Tony Gwen, you know And a lot of the couples look the same man and woman. Yes similar haircuts very similar haircuts Yep, and it was Midwesterners and they were out of shape. Oh Walmart fans. Not a lot of shape. Yeah, there's one shape Yes, it's kind of a general shape melting. Yeah kind of a raw melting Yeah, kind of like gravity's buddy lot of shape. Yeah, there's one shape. Yes. It's kind of a general shape melting Yeah, kind of a they're all melting. Yeah kind of like gravity's buddy kind of shape You know, I went to the Walmart there we used to go there on spring break my my boy Paul Creighton had a

Spence had a house there. So we go on the lake there and yeah He's the best who went to Walmart to like pick up beer and snacks and shit and I thought I was in a different country Yeah, beautiful country. Nice people though. Oh yeah, beautiful dude. They probably don't want to do a swingers party there though. Well it was crazy, so we're there for the weekend, right? And so we couldn't go to any events, we would go do our comedy and then we'd come back. How would they know though if you just decided to start fucking?

Dude, we would have been the best men and best looking men and women at that whole event if we would have walked in any. So the crazy thing was there was like this big huge bingo downstairs. He had like 20 of those. What's that hand bingo thing where you put your hands. Oh, you talk. I know what you're talking about. Yeah. No, no. It's a, we touched different colors. Yeah. Diversity right hand blue, left leg yellow and that is, Oh, it's like a United nations being twisted feet and hands. Yeah. Twister twisted. Yeah. It's like, yes, but naked in and hands. Yeah. Twister. Yeah. It's like, yes, but naked in the head.

We did that in college. Did you really? Yeah. With who? Girls. Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Nice try. Me and my roommates. You had a roommate with three legs. Oh, Dick Blue. Dick Blue. Dick Mouth. So you, so they were doing that downstairs? But they had like 20 boards all put together in this huge conference room and they had

like 50 people playing. Just fucking priming the walls with cum. Just busting nuts. Yeah, it was, I mean, but people would also be sitting there having like a bowl of snag fritos and like they had like a hot dog thing. It's just what they do. Yeah, it was just, I mean, it was almost like a hot dog. This is what they do. Yeah. It was just, I mean, it was almost like a carnival, but with, you know, more crop, like

just hella crotch at it, you know? Yeah. But then the crazy part was. Carnival of dick. Yeah. Carnival of dick. Right. Yeah.

And even some of the vaginas look like dicks and we're just kind of giving up. God, I don't want to be there. Oh, it's a nightmare. Oh, it was tough. I heard in LA, there's some banger. Swinger parties? Yes. Howie invite only and I heard it's just, shit goes down. Howie Mandela is a great story where he performed at one he didn't know. And he showed up, he showed, they, some lady met him outside and then they brought him in through

a garage door and next thing you know, he he's performing Everybody's just fucking in this room, and he had a form place. He's a legend What's the point? Listening some guys like hey do that do that bit about the taxi cab you know, but bro so the Why would you hire a comedian swingers party? I think just like bro shut up You're fucking what are you talking about up there? What's the guy from America got to tell her some shit shut up? Yeah But the crazy part was the elevator we came in push the elevator one night and the doors open and it was this just Fuck trolley, bro, and there's just people fucking in there and drinking cherry 7up out of a two-liter straight of cherry 7up it's good it's nice dude I remember when it came out it changed everything

when I was a kid dude I got one for you do you remember clear Pepsi oh yeah it was a scam it was a scam yeah something had to add the coloring in there yeah something had happened they made a bunch without the color and like we got to get rid of it and then they're like whoop it's clear Pepsi and I was like, oh hell yeah, I love that stuff It doesn't make sense. It didn't make any sense, but it sold for a little bit It's sold for a little bit people lost their minds. I wanted to kill their self. She couldn't handle it Yeah, there was all kind of crazy rumors going around when clear Pepsi came out That's a big deal. And then the do they still make cherry 7-up

I don't think so. No, dude armor one year. Our mom didn't have a lot of money or whatever. So for Christmas she got us like Two liter sodas, you know, and she gave us all these two liter sodas and we just and we'd never had our own two liter You know, we're little big deal Oh, dude We were shaking them up and just spraying them all over each other's bodies and fucking licking the sugar off each Other's shoulders and shit bro. Just having a blast. Okay. I remember that though. And that's the first time I ever saw cherry 7-up game changer

You're fucked that Mountain Dude red though. Yeah, but that's just too much. There's something too much going on in there Not Mountain Mountain do red to me. It was, it was just toxic. Yeah. It was like pure red. There's too much red dye. That's why, uh, seven, seven up cherry was perfect because you tell the angle over the top. Yeah. It was just a little, it was almost a pink. Yeah. That cherry seven up bro. Oh, the Mountain Dew Red's trouble, bro. Yeah. See, look at that guy's in a garage. He's dying. Oh, they see they dye their hair with that shit. It's so strong. See that. Yeah. I'm not trying to fuck with that. Yeah see look at that guy he's in a garage. Teams dying, oh they see they dye their hair with that shit it's so strong. See that yeah. I'm not trying to fucks with that.

Yeah. What do you think that does to your insight? Look at that kid, he's Irish now. Look how much he's been drinking. Yeah. He had it all dude. Yeah that can't be good for you, that can't be good for your dick. That kid leaves sugar in your stomach.

If you're drinking a bunch of that dude you're probably. Mountain Dew, but Mountain Dew nice and cold is delicious soda is terrible for you but if I'm gonna drink one Mountain Dew Mountain Dew is nice it's sugar though oh it's so bad for you but if you're gonna fucks with it you know I used to like as a kid but I felt like I felt like a pure bitch when I drink around my friends I'm gonna get done from the court playing basketball I'd be around all my black friends I drink a fresca really I drink a fresco and my friends would judge the shit out of me fresco was like the last soda you could drink as a

grandparent before you had water I'd have my pinky up like this fucking They're fresh ice cold, but my friends Adults I Was crazy you're drinking frescoes, but what else are you doing? But dude fresco take myself a nice grilled cheese. Oh my god. You sound like a 60 year old I know he's held my favorite drink the grid the fresh-ass grapefruit fresco Yeah, you sound like a lonely dude on a picnic, bro I know I know are people still molesting kids dude. I swear to God we were like it's going down Yeah, you know more white vans and shit right? Yeah vans are out. They don't make vans anymore

Yeah, those sprinters, but that's for celebrities. Yeah, that's it, but there's no like murdering bands anymore Yeah I don't think there's any cuz I don't even hear like a lot of my buddies have kids and none of them have said that Their kids have gotten you know, it's not as crazy It's not as wild as it used to be no Well, cuz now like the word is out if you own a white van, it's like you might as well just right on the side I fuck kids. Yeah, or at least I like to meet them sometimes out. Yeah saying it's like a mall Santa I don't fuck with them. I don't fuck with them. Yeah, mall Santa's though.

No, out. Mall Santa's or the Easter bunnies. Fuck you. Ah, dude, I like seeing rare things, man. They used to have, I remember, they had somebody called in our podcast and they said they'd never seen a black little person before. Oh, like a black midget?

Yeah, and they had one in our town, dude, and he had these dreads, right? This dude named No Dante, right? No Dante? Yeah, and he had these dreads, bro, and they were so long he would fuckin' trip over him when he was running, bro. Oh fuck.

But he was a fuckin' G, dude. Yeah. And he would play basketball, but he would like, he would kinda cheat a little bit because sometimes you would almost catch him playing soccer, but he was so fast you could barely see it. Like he would kick you with his feet, but since he was short you'd let it slide? Yeah, you'd let it slide. Now where'd I come from?

Really? No, no, no, no. We can't have that. Yeah, man. I think he was like a town mascot. People loved him, man. I don't know what happened to him. I love how you take calls on your show.

You just take a call. How do you filter out the... Well I assume there's not too many people calling like talking shit. Like you're not getting trolls and stuff. No we had a guy... A lot of people have difference of opinion. We get some stuff talking stuff. Difference of opinion is fine but no one is going to call me like

You're the worst comic ever. You fucking suck. You hack and then hang up or anything. I don't know. I haven't got much of that. We get a lot of people crying, jerking off, we got a couple of dudes fucking and leaving voicemails, yeah. I have to do a... You do voicemails?

Yeah, people leave voicemails and then we play them back. Oh, that's super smart. Yeah, because some of these fucking mooks, you can't have them just running. No, I figured you got a producer who's controlling it, like, alright, caller seven, here we go, we got Jamie and Dows, Jamie, what do you got for Theo who's controlling it, be like, all right, caller seven, here we go. We got Jamie in Dallas. Jamie, what do you got for Theo? Hi Theo, I'm here and I'm working on my boyfriend.

He's been doing a ton of coke and grew a mullet out and he's starting to act a lot like you and are we gonna make it? You know, is that like the show? You're like, yeah, you're gonna make it at least two years in a row, baby. Yeah, you got at least two years in ya. I guess it's something like that man.

Yeah it's just people just, it's a lot of dudes that are just addicted to jerking off mostly and just struggling. So. Struggling with jerking off all the time? Bro that stuff's killing people I think. Well your boy. Do they do it?

You guys, you jerk off, Jin? Of course man. Wow. Jin looks like a joker. Really? I don't think he does. Really? I could never picture an Asian guy Doing it when I picture it in my head. It's always a white guy doing it

Yeah, I gotta be honest me too. It's usually a white dude in a corner Just in shame Over just like no what like you thought it's what? That's what I picture Dude, my mom called me when I was young she opened opened the door and I was jerking off, right? Like full, like just. Oh, I was having a party, bro. Yeah, yeah, you were beating the shit out of it.

Oh, I planned it, bro. I just had an alarm, you know? What were you jerking off to? Oh, just the pure imagination, bro. Just like. Last week. Your imagination. No, this is back on imagination was good, bro.

Yeah. When I had all the filters, bro. For the drugs and all that shit. Yeah, Oslo when I had all the filters in my brain. And I was jerking off to some. I picture you as a kid with a mullet, and you looked a little bit like Joe Dirt, and you got real short cut off jeans,

your dicks hanging out the front, and you got this mullet, and you're dirty, but you just got your socks on, and you're just jacking off to tool or something. Oh dude, well my thing. That's how I picture First of all, thank you That's one of the coolest things I've heard of

Dude, I would jump up and down and jerk off on my bed My thing was to jump to jerk off and also be jumping on the bed at the same time trampoline Because it would get your butt blot blood going in your body and then you spray out farther. Oh wow that makes sense Oh, dude, you could fucking I mean you could put a fucking you could put a silk mustache on a plant You know plant oh, bro lines to you. She's a fucking boy. You can put that fucking you could throw a you know a beautiful little You know a little uh Just a white word curtain you could drop that fucking mustache on a plant from about 11 feet away What was there any but I don't have porn as a kid. I didn't have magazines

I'm at a cover of this female rapper in Mercedes. She was bent over like a Cadillac. I'm jacked off to that Oh, yeah, but you know what you jack on when you were young. I mean I remember Jack, when you were young, I mean, I remember if I saw like, I remember my buddy's mom had a brassiere one time that she would leave hanging in the bathroom and I'd just go in there and just. To the brassiere? Oh bro, I would tie it around my fucking face so that each cup would come over,

like right, left a little bit of nose but the nostrils were covered, so just the middle. Oh this is. Just that nank. This is, it's almost like that Versace, the killing Versace shit, which had your nose taint. What is this thing that little part? Your septum no it's your name isn't it a little guy a little bit you'd cover up So you can almost restrict your breathing oh, bro, so I had to breathe solely through these fucking just These straight-up titty boobies. Yeah, Yeah. That's what you used to like, huh?

Those fucking milk holsters, bro. I could smell the milk. I could smell the skin. I could smell the nipple. I could smell the children. I could smell all the years of my buddy growing up. What the fuck, bro? I could smell it all, dude.

Wow. It would go straight into my head. That's creepy. And then, dude, I would jerk. Sometimes when I was young, when I I'd masturbate I'd pass out. Almost like that movie Butterfly Effect. You just go back in time. Did he do that from Jerking Off? No, he gets a bloody nose and does it.

Dude, imagine if every time you did it you went back in time. Yes. So all these dudes just keep showing up through time. Yes. Imagine if you went back to what you were thinking about. Oh man, it was so much more powerful than now. It's just like, that's cause it's overrated. You've, you've, you joined the 10,000 club. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Like those guys who hit 10,000 home runs, do you think they give a

fuck about him home runs anymore? Probably not. Oh, it gets old. Yeah. You're talking about life now. Yeah. It's like breathing now. I'm Cal Ripken now. My dick. Yeah. You're Cal Ripken. Yeah. You're the Ted Williams. You of jacking off. Yeah, man. It's too much. But it's a lot for kids, man. But yeah, we went to that swingers thing and that elevator opened up and I just remember seeing just this whole, you know, it was almost like the, it was like, you know that painting that Michelangelo did where those two people are naked touching each other in the air or whatever?

16th. Yeah, 16th Chapel. It was like that, but it was like just a bunch of just people, just guts and everything was a titty like everything in there look like a titty. It smelled like Mountain Dew Red, Fritos, Dick. Yeah, it definitely had that fucking dick after scent. That was the worst. Fritos up front and fucking cock in the back, boy. Dude, I went to...

I said hide and go sniff, dude. You think you're getting one thing and you get another you know I want that I went to a swingers party on accent in Denver's below We're we're partying up top went below it said do not enter me my friends like no kids He's like bumping down there So we went down there and we realized there's swingers party cuz that a sign on it and they had like rules But it was like I'd say the ratio was 10 to one, dudes to girls, not good. Not good, and like the seven girls that were there and the 70 dudes, I just felt bad for them.

I'm like, girl, let's get outta here. You could tell, their morale was not hot. Their self-esteem was not booming. Well, that's why you gotta have like a Robert E. Lee type of guy in there. You gotta have a straight up William Wallace running up and down the line know the line of eight them Yeah to motivate these chicks at us at a gangbang

Yeah, you like keep the morale high because if reality hits ago what the fuck am I doing you don't need that Yeah, you need to be passing out DSW that Tony Robbins dick game You need that dude dropping knowledge on these girls. Women, join me. You can do this. Yeah man, women are putting up with a lot dude. You know, they're putting up with a lot out there. So will guys just to bust that nut at those swinger things man.

Really? Well yeah, you're waiting in line and shit like you're waiting for a ride or some shit. You know, like you. It's like Uber for your dick really at that. Yeah, you gotta wait man There's gonna be some other dudes dropping some gifts off before you get in there man before it's your turn Oh to get your five minutes of fame. What kind of shoes do you wear? I would wear those pool shoes. I think you know like this time I thought with socks

Yeah, dude nothing nothing makes a girl up dry up fast in aqua socks. Oh, that's a terrible idea, bro I might wear hugs ins in that, bitch. I wish some Uggs keep my feet warm. Dude, what the fuck, bro? I might wear Uggs in my Yeezy 750s. What? The Yeezys? You're gonna be fucking naked, bro.

Dude, I'd have to get my butt waxed, I think, bro. That's my thing. Like, I have so much hair on my butt, like, I walk. If I'm hooking up with a chick, I walk out of the room backwards just to see my butt. It's that bad? It just makes it, I'm self-conscious about it, you know? Why don't you, uh, Brazil wax it?

I'm just scared of that, man. I met a girl and she waxes people's balls, too. Yeah, they call it B&B, butt and balls. It's actually the most common practice for men. Is it? Yeah, I used to date a girl who specialized in that. And she was like, man, 60% of my clients are men. She goes, they do the B&B. You want to come in? I'm like, what is it? She goes, balls and butt. They literally do all that, the taint, and then your booty hole.

I had a girl try it once. It was on the inside of my thigh. Never again. Hurt? I'd rather get a tattoo on my fucking face. It hurts so bad. I'd rather get that fucking Nate stamp. Me too, bro. 100%. Don't do it, man.

If you have a hairy ass, if I could braid your ass here, you should probably get it removed. You could braid it, you could gel it down, though. Like you'd part it to the side? Dude, I had an uncle and he had so much hair on his neck he would gel it down for church because he didn't want to shave it off

because it was his hair. And it was like a thing against God. You'd gel down the sides, huh? Oh, he'd gel his whole neck hair down. You might want to gel, you basically got a duck tail. Duck tail hanging out the back. I look like shit, man, you know? But nobody expects anything out of me,

that's the best thing. You don't think so? Like you I look like shit man, you know? But nobody expects anything out of me. That's the best thing. You don't think so? Like you show up, people look, you know? People ask, where's the honey guy? You know, that's obviously been- Where's the honey? You look like you've been stung by bees all the time. Why do I look- are you saying I'm bloated?

Doesn't he, champ? Do I look bloated? Bro, it looks like you try to drink honey right out the hive and a bunch of bees got you, bro. Wait, are you saying I'm swole or I'm fucking bloated? You're swole for sure dude. I'd be swole too if fucking 200 bees were babysitting my face all the time. You look like you got fucking stung by a bunch of bees dude.

Bro. Where do you live at bro? In a comb? You gotta tighten up bro. You're gonna get diabetes dude. Dude, oh, where do you live that broke in a comb? You got a tight nut bro. You're gonna get diabetes, dude You got a tight nut bro, you got that be syndrome. Oh, yeah, you know the brass You look like the rag king But not the cool master splinter one, you know, but you know their choice Oh, yeah, like the one in that Christmas play like that one. Yeah, it's not cool man nutcracker the ranking and

You look like the leader of the people in Vegas you sleep under You know, there's a community underground. You look like they're the voice of the underground. I look like I run the underground Airbnb Like that's a check-in Because you've kind of got your shit together and now you have a belt to make you official. Oh, let me see what key. Let me get you a key here. And then you just have this giant fucking rat that everyone fucking admires. Don't pet the playboy.

That's what I'm going to make sure that says that on the back. Don't pet the playboy, dude. Well the scary part is I start to think is this this the best I'ma look, you know? Yeah, I'm going downhill myself. Yeah, I know. I got another year before people are like, oh shit, Shob's falling off like a motherfucker. When Calvin's been falling apart, man,

bless his heart, dude, I saw him the other day. And man, I don't know if they're not, I mean I thought he was a, look like he just went to an early movie, he looked like a senior, you know? And it was just weird, I caught him at a glimpse and was like, oh wow. Yeah, if the light hits his face right, you looked like a senior, you know? And it was just weird, I caught him at a glimpse and was like, oh wow. Yeah, if the light hits his face right,

you're like, oh shit. Yeah, somebody get this guy some Jell-O. Someone get this guy a nice warm mask and some cucumbers for the last, you know? Well, a lot of it's a stress. I think a lot of his skin falls off of his body a lot, it seems like, because of stress. I almost, you ever seen that movie Death Becomes Her?

Where they take that potion and that makes them stay alive forever But their bodies that can't keep both so they're falling apart like they have to spray paint their skin and shit You're seeing death becomes her is it cool. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's a classic Oh really fuck you never heard of it death becomes her death becomes her is a classic for a classic Classic what movie? becomes her Classic classic what movie? comes her Oh My god

Meryl Streep. Oh, I love Meryl Streep, dude Well, that becomes one of her biggest movies dude. I'd meet you with Meryl Streep, bro If she let him unto me not I wouldn't do it the other way, but I'd watch her jerk off into a plant. Oh Wow You get Goldie Han. Yeah Came on to me not I wouldn't do it the other way, but I'd watch her jerk off into a plant. Oh wow You get Goldie Han you got Meryl Streep and then Bruce Willis is the doctor. Oh wow that's a big movie son Classic dude. I can't believe that um I saw oh I went to Mitzi Shor's funeral last night Oh, how was that service on Sunday? Yeah, it interesting, man. Jim Carrey was there. What?

That's my hero. Yeah. Dude, it was pretty crazy to see him. I've seen him over there before at the Comedy Store, but it was just interesting to see because he used to work there. Hell yeah, he used to work there. For him to be back there and just seeing all the people that probably used to work there and when he was there, the people that were the waitresses and stuff, you just saw him

having a good time, which was pretty cool. Do you have the beard? Do you look crazy or is he doing better? No, he looked pretty normal. I mean, he's always kind of looked like a little bit of like a kind of tall. These days he has that long hair, kind of a tall lesbian sort of feature.

But did he cut the beard? I think he's shooting a show for Showtime, so he had to kind of quit the weird kind of beard act. Yeah, yeah, he may, yeah, I didn't see a beard on him. But he was having, it just seemed like he was having a good time. Who else was there? Did you talk to him? I didn't talk to him I just said welcome back and I was walking down the hall

And who else oh, Louie Anderson was there. It's pretty cool legend. Yeah, he didn't have the beard. He was clean-shaven Yep, his hair was really long though like super long there Man, it's kind of sad that he's getting older. It's like it just, cause he's like the best. He's like. The best of all time, yeah. He's like a conduit. It's almost like it's not even in his control.

It's like there's a higher power that wanted something to be so entertaining to us. Have you ever seen his, he only did a 30 minute special. Have you ever seen it? Mm-mm. Yeah, he released, a lot of people don't see, he released one special. It was like 30, 40ish minutes.

I mean, it's just. Good. Yeah, it was like 30, 40ish minutes. I mean, it's just. Yeah, it depends. If you're young, for me, when I would watch that, I saw it years and years ago, I'd watch it, oh, I can't do that comedy, it's not for me. Because he's so animated and he's doing these impressions and I'm like, oh my God, that's stand up? There's no way.

Yeah, I bet he would turn a lot of people off because he's so talented. Correct, exactly, exactly. If DeLeah were more, like if he had more of a jovial, like goof, if DeLeah were like a goofball, I could see DeLeah almost getting to be, because DeLeah can move so well. DeLeah's a goofball. Yeah.

But there's goofball level with Jim Carrey, you know what? That's a good fucking correlation. As far as right now, I'd say obviously, he's not on Jim Carrey's level, but as far as that goofy stage presence where he's moving. Yes, he could do all that. Yes. Chris has the physical blessings to be able to do all that.

He has those gifts. He puts his arm out and he's, you know, he's three feet from himself. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen, have you seen, we've brought it up. You ever seen Dalia when he did the lip-sync battle? Oh, oh yes, I have seen.

It's ridiculous. But he's so like gifted with that and he's not even trying. He's just so silly, man. Like I'll watch his Instagram videos and they'll fucking crack me up. Yeah. He's a, he's not even trying. He's just so silly, man. Like I'll watch his Instagram videos and they'll fucking crack me up. Yeah, he's an anomaly to me in a lot of ways, man. That's a good kind of, cause with Jim Carrey, Delia too,

if you watch Delia now, but if you watch that Jim Carrey video early on in Inspiring Comic, you're like, oh fuck. Yeah. It'd be like being a white basketball player watching an Allen Iverson highlight, like, I sure as fuck can't do that, so I'm not gonna play basketball.

Yeah. I think we gotta enslave white people so that we can eventually one day be good at sports, bro, because otherwise, we're out. We're out. I mean, name a white player, that one guy from Boston, he broke his leg trying to play with other... Are you talking about for basketball? Basketball, that's just just yes, it's tough. You know, it's tough, but you know, we still hold down so like

Quarterbacks, what are you? Yeah, so quarterback and then Yeah, narcolepsy. I think is he becoming a sport like that's like a new white sport like wait Hold on who else do you see at the company? Oh, that reminds me I saw I was on third Street with my fam on Saturday, and there was a protest going on for energy exhaustion syndrome, or chronic fatigue syndrome. And then people were getting on the mic being like, I got misdiagnosed by all these doctors, and they just said, oh, I'm tired, and it's because of my of my work and then I would condition when I'm tired all the time. Oh well some of those people are just fucking lazy. Yeah that's why I said I looked around and said not one of

you in shape so that might be a problem. Dude if I lay down for two days bro I could if I don't if I don't get myself up and go do something I could be I could be lazy for the rest of my life. I went to seniors yoga this morning dude. How was that? Uh someone was fucking challenging, but towards the end, these seniors. They're farting in there though, huh? I don't know if they're farting. I don't know what their, I mean,

it seemed like anything could be a fart. Anything goes. One guy was on his mat for like nine minutes. I thought, damn, that dude's out. Dead, dead. I don't know if you want to go out after hours in Bakersfield is what I was doing. Really?

Yeah, tough, tough blue collar area. Okay. The boys like to drink. Now now is there a lot of us Homosexuals up there or no, no they don't that's frowned upon up there. Oh wow yeah Well, well fine though Cuz yeah, they might celebrate your haircut up there. Oh dude a lot of lesbians hit me up on the deal Asking about this cut asking about this style to basic it's a one into a two Nothing fucking crazy on the sides one into two. Yeah in the back don't touch the top

Don't touch the back. You got a thin out the back and you just got to hope for the best at the bottom All right, guys, let's take a little break here. Hopefully you're enjoying some of the best of episodes Throwback you got Bobby Lee and Theo von today But I am here in studio without Brian the Kid Cowan. He's on vacation, your boy's here workin', that's how it goes. Today's episode is brought to you by True Classic, the best of the best.

This summer, get ready to be the best dressed guy at the barbecue with True Classic's ultra comfortable, versatile summer collection, super soft tees. They sent send me a bunch you see it's all I rock it's Brian Cowan's Outfit like he's freaking Bruce Wayne. It's all cow and rocks, but they got great tees These are the softest tees in all the land. They got hoodies. They got joggers. They got shorts They got Chino shorts. We've been using their shirts for a hot frickin second They are the best of the best.

They got their summer vibes going on right now. They got summer colors. So when you're at the barbecue, you get your kids little league baseball tournament, you're out there in the sun, you gotta look fly. There's no reason to dress like you just got out of bed. Look good wherever you're at and do it with comfort. Do it with style.

Do it with true frickin' classic style, do it with true freaking classic. So go to this exclusively just for you guys. Trueclassic.com slash fighter. Unlock big savings when you bundle items site wide. Discover the perfect blend of summer vibes, timeless elegance with true classic. Shop down, elevate your summer wardrobe with ease. That's trueclassic.com slash fighter. What are you wearing, bro? Bro, that's how I dress, bro. Elevate your summer wardrobe with ease. That's true classic comm slash fighter

Do you like 21 Jump Street you look like you got fucked up on 21st Avenue Dude you look like Lenny from of mice and Mossy mo You got a guy that will not retire from hot topic I look like the 50 year old who just worked at Did you look at the 50 year old vegan bro get your life together man You came back from Nashville and you changed man. I did. Yeah, you changed bro It might just be the reflection off this hot strap right here it's not be old strap the one and the only and I want to thank everybody that came out in Nashville because dude a lot of people came out.

A lot of fans, a lot of people just friends came out of the show. You deserve it. Some dude came out of the closet at the show bro. Damn was just like I'm gay. Yeah. And he was like cool bro. Just laughed so hard he was like. Sit down.

I'm gay. Bro I never. Just erupt with gayness. Dude I've had somebody like spit out a drink. You know I've had a lady get a couple like baby pains. Yeah, I've got a few people like laughs are they get racist? One guy's like fuck the Chinese. Yeah, okay man goes I didn't mean that I didn't mean that at all It's just unlaz. Yeah, so some dudes like I like dick. Oh, dude, man. He was chilling with his buddies He was cool

We had his wife with him and then by like 10 minutes into the show He starts sweating orders another beer mouth starts your mouth dry dry dry mouth dry See I think that's what happens first. No, see I feel like his mouth is salivating finger dry first, but gets wet Oh that makes yeah, I know how it works Yeah moisture starts in the back and works its way up through your body. That makes sense. And then, um, and then next thing you know the guy was like, Huu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu, hu your truck you'll be fine. Go walk it off. Go walk it off. Walk it off. Go listen to some fucking Hank Williams walk it off. But it was uh it was fun man and that show was

fun. You've been busy dude. Now that you've changed dude. I haven't changed. Actually this is the first shirt I ever wore fighting the kid. The LSU? Yep. I didn't know you knew a shit about football. Really? You're a football fan? Oh yeah man. LSU. I'm LSU guy dude. I didn't see that shirt before the season. When they're supposed to be shitty. Okay.

I wore the shirt. I only have A, nine shirts. B, I wore this one the first time I was ever on Fighter in the Kid when you guys had the first studio. It was like a year ago. Yeah years ago. Probably three or four years ago. How long has your show been in? His ex since five years, six years. Wow. Um, you're LSU

fan now, especially them boys are hot. Yeah. I mean, I think it's, I think about that coach. Oh yeah. I'm like Nick Nolte. Yeah. His voice is, it's frustrating to watch. Oh, he'll play a video of him talking LSU head football coach. And if you're pale,, yeah, it's frustrating to watch oh He'll play a video of him talking else you had football coach And if you're pale that guy'll fuck a tan into you that guy is so tan he is you think it's tan or you think It's just kind of bad blood work like I feel like I feel like he's filled with fucking black blood He could be a little bit urban dude. Yeah, he might be or you know what maybe Indian might be full Apache I think oh home orotic construction He's to fill when he was named LSU interim head coach after less miles

and Like it hurts to talk so happy to have you here a little taking about listen if we It'll been about Again, but I feel like we had the greatest player Leonard for now. Oh, yeah, dude I see and he's in the season. He's always you can't close his eyes either, dude Yeah, boy, I guess that 22 and 29 record as head coach. I think fun. We were throat gets real dry if you can't blink That's the yeah, your mouth is always open. Oh, yeah But I think even just get these wins already and a lot of that some of the SEC's pretty weak

Some of the SEC's pretty weak. But oh, yeah at Ogeron reminds me of um you know he's kind of a you could tell he probably has you know he's got a couple of mixed children you don't even know what mix you know no he looks like one of them dads that lets his kids wrestle the alligators and shit really yeah he definitely is fucked on the side of the interstate before 100% you know eating fucking jambalaya like a hot jambalaya in the middle The thought dude yeah, I you know take a farter to me dude like a foreigner farther. Oh No, well, I think he hold that face. I he holds his farts in brother that man has fucking respect for himself No, hey, who is your forehead me or him?

That's not a forehead he has a whole that is has a whole, that is like an awning. That is like a whole fucking... It's just one strip. That is siding, bro. That's just a strip. Yeah. It's like in front of some old Buick. It's just one big strip of thread.

Dude, what happened to your ankles? You have band-aids on your ankles. Dude, I was running yesterday, I ran too far and my shoes fucked up. I have these blisters. What do you mean you ran too far? I ran too far, I couldn't stop. stop get a map bro. No, bro. I couldn't stop Dude, you gotta know when it kind of real It seemed like you seemed like a guy that doesn't really know how to like kind of reel their own life in like I've never ran

Too far. Yeah. Yeah, do you run? Oh, I ran two miles yesterday to you. Yeah, and some little I get ready Two? Yeah, and some little Italian kid. I mean, why'd we get ready? Two. You need two miles? Two? I mean, why go through the hassle of working out? See how far it is?

That's like I went to the gym and I walked over the water cooler and then got in my car. You know what I'm saying? Like why get all your shit together in life to go two miles? Dude, it's a hardy two out there, bruh. Uphill also, a lot of uphill. You still eating just carrots and shit, or what are you doing? I'm back, man. Like on that meat? I had ice cream last night man

What was the celebration because you're killing it on the road decided to celebrate a little bit Yeah, just made it through the weekend dude I had me a couple fresh peaches a buddy of mine mailed me three peaches and uh that's weird, dude No, why'd you blow up? Why'd your boys mail you fruit? He's a peach man. Oh, he's like an actual peach dude? Oh yeah, he's got all kind of trees. I like peaches. He has cherries too, bro? You said fuck my boy and I'm trying to get in

on my fruits ban, dude. Bro. Bro, bro, bro. Come on, dude. Keep your life together. Dude, keep your life together, dude. I don't have any friends sending me peaches and shit. Yeah, well you got a lot of issues, man.

I have issues? Yeah, you ever seen yourself? Yeah, you might be right. 100% bro. Dude, you know what, you're slowly turning into fucking, I mean your hair, like at first it was a mullet, now you just have full blown chicken. Oh, this is Swayze, dude. Yeah, it is Swayze.

Bro, so many people stop and ask about the hair and whatever's with the hair. I could be pushing like a senior citizen in a wheelchair and I'm like, oh who's this bitch? Yeah, yeah, anybody like what are you even asking for like? Oh, I saw the hair and then just respected this old person, you know, like the hair is turning people a lot of people Definitely enjoy I can you think joy cuz like I think of like lesbian stepmom I just like a little bit like a little bit of a southern lesbian stepmom. Did you have to get you? Don't know. I don't know why you hate on that I think it's dope

Like I feel like if they're doing a sitcom on ABC and you walked in an address They'd like this your new stepmom gay And be like, oh, that's cool. Do you look right now? Job doing construction West Hollywood for the rest of your life right now, dude Fuddrucker bro look at you, dude You look like a dude that eats burgers and just carries around a fucking shotgun Look, have you seen some of you guys are probably listening on radio. You can't see this man radio On ham radio to off grace quarter woodchuck grace quarter woodchuck

Dude, you look like somebody who? To off gray squirtle woodchuck gray squirtle woodchuck dude you Look at that you you I know bro look at your hair Shitting me you look like you would get orange Jewish and fuck I would never touch a kid and I have worked at a smoothie place and I would never do anything wild to a kid and I've Babysat overnight three times Dude, I would not let you babysit my kid. Well, that's fine. Actually, I would. So I wouldn't want to. I'm not going to watch your kid.

You're going to put your hair in a ponytail. Huh? You're going to put your wife in a ponytail, son, because I'll be in the hose. You feel me? Look at these fucking chopsticks, boy. These fucking karate makers right here, bro. Look at Chen fucking perked up when he saw these fucking stone cold killers hit the air, son.

You need to get back on that old New Orleans sauce. You need to get back on that that old New Orleans sauce back on that Decadibol No, what we used to do dude now They had a buddy of mine this guy Billy Conforto and he was homosexual and we were bus boys. He was a bus man He looked like Don Flamenco from Mike Tyson's punch-out. Remember that show. Oh, yeah with that man Yeah Oh yeah with that man. Yeah The Rose yeah Yeah, the guy who was like a waiter during the day yeah, Google that shit chin

Fuck man. We're out here describing this. Oh, she's turning American bro. He used to be so on it, dude I've never I've never said anything like it. Yeah, I got some lunch out No, the guy that is Don Flamenco if you split Don there youco. No, the guy that... Don Flamenco. If you just put Don, there you go. Yeah, Russian guy. No, you're not Russian, bro. Wasn't he French? He's French. My buddy looked just like him. Exactly like him.

My buddy was a boxer. But socks dick. No, my buddy did. He preferred cock, but he was also a boxer. Dude, he would fight. He would... Bro, he could... I mean, he would fight you and then fuck you after if you wanted to.

This is up to you guys. But he was the toughest dude I know and he was a busboy at this place because they wouldn't let him be a waiter because the guy who worked there had some issues. He didn't want gay waiters. And I was like- Oh, because you had that list though? It's distracting. Dude, no, he was a fighter.

He was probably the toughest dude I know, which was crazy because this was a time when they didn't have as many tough gay men. Now you got all kind of tough gay men. You got the WWE. Yeah, WWE, I'm sure you got some NFL dudes. Oh, you got the Indianapolis Colts. Oh yeah, definitely some Browns. Oh yeah, you got some guys, bro.

But this was when Billy, and Billy can for toe and he died He ate a bunch of pills and drove into an embankment But was that on purpose or he's like trying to party. I don't know but I will say this man whenever we were kids he We used to do steroids on the side of the interstate We pull off side of the interstate and just shoot each other nice to do it because there's nowhere else in the world to do It well do but nobody's thinking oh those two guys on the alongside of the interstate. They just think oh the cars broken That's exactly what I think really I think those two are injecting d ball in their ass and suck You don't think about that, but you should think I would think about a million other things before I would think about if I see

You with that dude who looks like a French fucking I would assume you guys are injecting fucking winstraw and sucking each other's grave You look like you work at a gay construction look like you sell two by four skins you fuck I keep telling the story Boy would just inject each other and then be like you like somebody like everybody else is like I'm getting a sex change You're like nah, I'm just gonna fucking change. You're like, nah, I'm just going to fucking power. I'm just going to, I'm going to earn it. You know what I'm saying?

I'm going to force it. I'm going to get it medically done, bro. I'm going to force this to happen. Bro, your dick's going to hide in your body and you're going to be sitting down to pee for the rest of your life soon if you don't start taking care of yourself. I do, I'm trying, man.

So we'd pull off and we'd spend time like that. We would do drug, we would do uppers, you know muscular uppers and then we would hit the We would hit the you know, the gym and everything and we all he also sold weed So I used to drive him across to New Orleans and he'd pick up like eight pounds of weed, dude And I'm some dude and he had his demons though, huh? Yeah. Yeah. He had his demons man He I think he was like abused or something when he was growing up. And he used to fight dogs too.

He would fight pit bulls and rottweilers. Wow, what was his issue with them? He was just, I think this was a time when people were still probably treating gay people strangely or something, and so he didn't want. Never from a rottweiler though. But yeah, so he was like, I'm gonna do whatever I can to be tough.

And dude, people would, and he would knock him out, bro. He was the toughest dude. He was a badass. a bad as bad as pro and he's a busboy So we're out there slinging butters and fucking huffing whipped cream in the freezer damn getting loose getting loose What do you mean working hard, bro? You're gonna busboy Bro, you were a janitor for a second really a hot topic At a grocery store as a janitor, you seem like the toughest bitch at a Claire's boutique, dude Roll you stole the story Fucking bus boy

You inject each other on the side of the highway then fuck each other and we're just supposed to breathe Like it's normal just cuz you're in the south on the side of a New Orleans highway sucking each other. And we're just supposed to breeze past that like it's normal. Just cause you're in the south on the side of a New Orleans highway sucking each other off. It ain't cool man. You look like an ogre that it took. You look like an eight year old boy got an infection from an ogre and that's where he's at right now.

Dude, your haircut is from 1989. 89? Bro, you have a motherfucking mullet son. Yeah, dude I have the one up the back and this thing is anything you look like macho man Randy Savage if he had AIDS Man Randy tragic you like the war if he just sucked dead Like I was just work out. No, he sure didn't No. Dude watch your tone when you talk about the warrior. You just talked about him. I'm saying you look like him if he were in the sucking dick.

Man you're baiting Swiss dude. Dude you look like Lenny from A Mice and Mossy mode. Dude you need to get your fucking life together. Jesus Christ dude. You have fucking band-aid. You look like a gay. Hold on. You have women's don't touch me dude.

And this is the third time it's happened in here. Dude! Five times dude and I'm calling the police dude. Dude I will hold you down and shave your head. Dude look I grew up in the molester belt, five times you touched me and I'm calling the cops bro. Five out of five? We'll give you a couple of mulligans bro. Four?

We'll give you a couple hand mulligans. Four? Pretend it was a mistake. Bro! Five? I'm just saying you have women's band-aids on the back of your feet. These are major band-aids. Yeah. Blisters.

Yeah. I'll get ready for the Emmys, bro. The Emmys, dude. Let's talk about you sucking dick. Bro, I've never sucked dick. There was one time a guy, we were doing some cocaine in the restroom. Thank God I had to go to the airport and that's all that happened, man. And that was in...

You've never, like, have you ever been like in a threesome with your buddy? And your buddies know whoops yeah never been in that so you automatically immediately are way closer to being gay Bro, and if I am gay I'm happy dude if I'm gay one day. I'll fuck somebody dude. I'll fuck your stepdad You have a stepdad. I don't well then I'll fucking I'll call your real dad then see how he's doing I wouldn't be mad because with that haircut I'm like I get it, but if you had it looks kind of like a check Let's be honest if you had a give your father was a gay male Would he date me you think and he broke up from your mom if you shaved that goatee?

Yeah, if you clean shave if you clean shave more like a tank top Oh, yeah dinner and if you ran more than two miles fuck you fuck you Yeah, you catching that you in that BMW. That's how to get back at somebody. Take care of yourself, and then date their daughter years down the road. You know what I'm saying? Nah, the way to get back at them is like

get in crazy shape and get all like sexy and thick. What, sexy and thick? And then fuck dudes. What are you talking about? That girl's like, what the fuck? Sexy and thick? Bro, you sound like a mixed girl on Instagram. What are you talking about?

Bro, you too skinny, dude I a lot of trying to lure my dad and you better gain some weight, bro You too light in the ass a lot of people like lean males. Don't they chin? What are they like? Yeah, she likes but she likes lean black males you really yeah No, but that's what people are saying now really yeah, why do people saying you mean you? Dude, look I don't have a problem with it. Yeah come out the closet you want a TV show come out the closet man Fuck a brother you got to do something you got to change the game. I'll call it chin ish. Yeah Chin ish bro. Just kill and fuck skinny black dude. Yeah, chin Adelphia

Yeah, just you and it's a yeah, you're dating a new kind of svelte-looking urban guy. You know? Silence of the chins. Yeah. What? Wow, bro. He's a serial killer. Dude, I'll tell you this.

So I got real high one time and then we were playing, I'd never played this game Charades. Have you played it? I've never played it. So it's, have you ever played it? Yeah, but have you done it electronically? We're doing it on the thing you hold it to your head?, no ma'am. Oh, hold on. Okay. I Oh, it's 2018. No, I haven't got out the fucking board with my family on thanksgiving blade charades Go ahead bro. Well, i'd never played it dude

And it's a game where someone acts something out and you guess what's going on Yeah, and so I was so high and I sit down and I start to and and I see what people are guessing and the guy who was doing the things was in a wheelchair, you know, and he was a handicapped. That's tough. And uh, it's not that tough. I don't think you know, I think if you got the fucking You know some people now are even on gurneys who aren't who they used to be in wheelchairs people I don't want them on my team though. You know what i'm saying? Oh, I don't either the other day I'm at the pizza hut and his family pushed somebody in or hamburger hamlet and a family pushed somebody in on a fucking gurney That could have been in a wheelchair god damn. That's lazy, bro. Yeah, I know that pizza hut, huh hamburger hamlet

No, why did you go to pizza? I love pizza. I did on over Domino's, huh the crust bro when I die dude Embalming fuck yourself put cheese in me, bro, Dude, do you want to be you want to be stuff? Oh, yes, bro imagine you're laying there in the coffin dude first of all I want raccoon hands No, I'll meet you No, we're talking like then the crazy bread up your asshole no no no Dude, bro calm down, man This I'm not Brian you don't have to just gay me out of the fucking room every day All right

It is is you guys just trying to like argue that you're not gay until one of you guys just ends up inside the other one And it's really a hate crime Even real gay dudes are just like just fuck each other guys And just you know I'm saying this show is the most flirting I've ever seen It's five years of just fuck each other guys and just you know what I'm saying this show is the most flirting I've ever seen. It's five years of flirting. It's unbelievable dude. It's absolutely ridiculous bro.

Five years. So what had happened then was, what were we talking about? Well what bothers me is you're a Pizza Hut guy. Oh yeah Pizza Hut's great. Over Domino's you're fucking crazy. Pizza was the only place to go when I was a kid. Yeah me too but then I grew up and realized there's other ones, you know, like you ever had you ever had Papa Murphy's? Mm-hmm. We're at that's no that sounds like a guy. It's actually on trial for the Catholic Church right now. I know

Papa Murphy's that bullshit cuz you've heard of Papa John's right? Yeah, Papa Murphy's I don't know if they haven I don't know if they have them in LA, but in Denver it's a fucking chain. You buy frozen pizza. You get your pizza and cook it at home. Dude, I want a real pizza place. I want an angry ginger manager. I want a black guy who doesn't give a fuck cooking my pizza. I want Pizza Hut. Okay?

Well, no, no, no. That's what I want, dude. I want real. We don't want Pizza what real bro. Yeah, once I said, you know King you're staying at pizza Domino's will bring two pizzas King it or sting it. Yeah, bro. What pizza or Domino's? Yeah, dude Do Domino's Domino's is like somebody took a can full of pizza flavoring and a sprayed it in a box and brought it to your house. And what's fucking pizza? Pizza Hut is real pizza. It has pizza in the title.

Pizza? Domino's a fucking board game. Yeah. They're fucking selling you pizza? Pizza Hut? That's like hey. Like how obvious is that? What should we call it?

Well we're in a hut and we make pizza. Yeah. It's fucking stupid. At least they have pizza in the title. I don't need that to know they make a delicious product. Yeah dude what do you mean? Domino's. Domino's. Obviously not dude. It's delicious. Oh my god bro. What do you mean? Dominoes. Dominoes.

Obviously not, dude. It's delicious. Oh my God, bro. Most people are Dominoes and stuff. How many skateboards did that haircut come with? Have you seen his fucking haircut? Unbelievable. Skateboards?

Yeah. Both of my seven and five-year-old nephews have better haircuts than that. Dude, now let me ask you, with that lesbian haircut, do you get a discount on Subaru Outbacks? How's that work? Are they just enforced green or how's that work? Dude, this haircut's phenomenal screen or how's that work dude this haircuts phenomenal? I think so I'm not mad at it, bro. Yeah, this guy's it works, bro Oh, you're gonna die soon you have age and like I don't have age you like it isn't a big deal, dude You should really be worried about it. I

Wasn't worried about don't touch me again You got three times already dude. I thought I get five bro. No you're fucked bro. Dude come on man be cool bro Be cool man. Let me finish my story. Yeah, please do what was it again chin? Do you remember pizza hut your? Balming oh no no day you want your hands like a raccoon and I wanted crazy bread when you die I just can't believe that those are the options burning first of all cooking somebody that's Get out of here, bro. How's that even an option? That's terrifying. I mean, it's definitely They're fucking you on that one. How about this they burn you and they go we're gonna put your ashes over the San Francisco Bridge. Yeah fuck

And a lot of dudes are down there on party barges, catching them with their mouths. Yeah, smoking my skin and shit. Yeah, you got to be careful underneath that Gondi Bridge now. Getting that shower down there, bro. Those dirty ashes. Yeah.

Damn. Yeah. Those ashes. These fucking. Hate ash berry in your face. I can't crack them, bro. Yeah, bro. But that crack them back end.

Yep. So here's what happened to me was, so the Pizza Hut, oh, I've told this story the first time we almost met your face. I didn't crack them bro. Yeah bro. But that cracked them back end. Yup. So here's what happened to me was, so the Pizza Hut, oh I've told this story the first time we almost met an Asian guy that almost met an Asian was in, we heard there was a rumor there was an Asian. In town? Like just moved in? No, near.

Nearby, 17 miles away. Okay. So me and two of my buddies cut grass, you know, dig yard work and everything. Got your tiki torches on and shit? No, we didn't do tiki torches dude. This is back when if you were racist you know, did yard work and everything. Got your tiki torches on and shit? No, we didn't do tiki torches, dude. This is back when if you were racist you just didn't tell anybody and you just were at the house, you know?

Wow. So this is a, but we were excited, you know, we saved money, me and two of my buddies cut grass to go see this, rumored Asian. Okay. Because we'd never seen one. Sure, it's exciting. Oh, the only thing we'd ever seen was American Ninja Warrior. And even that doesn't do it justice.

And it's not, and it's fucked up. If you think about it, it's just Van Damme beating up Asian people who never really has talked to and they're smaller on camera. You don't realize how big they are. Are they really? Yeah. Look at chin. Yeah. But chin is a he's a Godzilla of Koreans. Oh, definitely, dude. He play in Godzilla. He played one of the buildings. Yes. You know'd play like the human giant that fucks up Godzilla. So what had happened was we got there. We took a taxi. Me and two of my buddies said, go see this rumored Asian.

And we get there and there's a pizza hut that burned down. And you know a pizza hut had those unique roofs. Yeah, like a hut. Yeah. Yeah, because they don't know shit. A pizza hut. A place that sells pizza. Not Domino's. Oh yeah, Domino hut. Yeah. Yeah, cuz they don't know shit. A pizza hut. Yeah. A place that sells pizza. Not Domino's. Oh, yeah, Domino's. Yeah, I'll order something from there that's not in the title. Oh, where'd you get this Chinese food? Hasbro? Yeah. Yeah, Hasbro. Oh, is this Milton Bradley?

Oh, I'm sorry, everything has to have the fucking name to order it? At least it makes sense of what it is. Because it's so obvious. Well, Little Caesars, I assume I'm like in a fucking Greek statue delivered to my house Oh, dude, I'm assuming there's gonna be a young Greek boy coming over to fuck player. You know what I'm saying? Nope Different for you, so if that delivery boy gets me to two to couple times that's on That'll hold up in court to dude if I named him little Caesar Oh if I'm half an eight ball deep in order little Caesar's bruh, and he comes with that crazy bread, too Oh, there better be a small bowl with a mouthful of olives ready to frickin touch my asshole. Yes, sir but anyway, so this this pizza had burnt down and there was a

but that unique roof they had was sitting flush on the ground and People thought Asian people lived in it that makes sense. It doesn't make sense now But at the time I was like I can see how you guys could you could see how yeah Go to the go bring up a pizza chin Yeah, just so people can get an idea of the visual because they very they have distinct roofs original pizza roof this new thing Now it's just a sign. It's a picture of the roof. There is the red roof this new thing now. It's just a sign It's a picture of the roof there. It's the red roof, bro. Yeah, that's a hut. Yeah, Dan. That thing was beautiful Yeah, I like them and do you go in there and they had those glasses that were like thick and red

They had cool arcade games all the time. It smelled like a fucking pizza parlor hardy plastic They had ice brothers that game. Yeah I'm ready. I'm like a one of them chin so I can see you just one of the real ones a fucking pizza parlor. Hardee plastic. They had ice brothers that game. Yeah. I remember that. Can you click on one of them? Chins? So I can see it. Just one of the real ones.

That's not a, that's not one. There we go. That's a new one. What was that? Isis green one. Uh, yeah, that's that shit right there. God damn that place is beautiful. You know, I can't pizza.

That makes me happy. See? Well, well, because it reminds me of my childhood. That fucking hut was sick. You don't see those anymore, man anymore man no how about Domino's went fuck all y'all we only do small little places we deliver yeah no not strip malls they just deliver bro oh Domino's is two years away from just being a skill crane that you put two dollars into and pull a pot of with one of those little metal dude how dare you they make such a delicious pie? Domino's dude. Yeah extra sauce on Domino's. Here's a key you

You are you order pizza and you yeah extra sauce because they have to fresh bake it They have to fresh make it really Yeah Because if you order the regular one this might go that one's cheese just put all these toppings on it you order extra sauce They have to remake that shit fresh That's some fat. No, how fresh is anything? Dude 30 minutes. Yeah, that doesn't mean fresh. It means fast, dude.

Fast and fresh. No, you can't just throw fresh in. You're used to Pizza Hut, bro. Yeah, I'm used to a quality product, dude. We'd pull up at Pizza Hut, dude. One of us would be bleeding because we fought all the way there in the fucking car. Yeah. My dad would get out. my dad was 77 years old My mom would say yo fuck you

That's how we went in every restaurant just like that. We roll in there my dad had the money, dude We said he had the money then we got there and he'd slow key bar the money for me and my brother If I can pay for the food, dude, yeah So then my mom would be in there sometimes she'd be so pissed She'd sit at a different table because she didn't want to act like she was with us And then we get a couple quarters from my dad that he would borrow from us first in the bathroom Hit the arcade then we go back to the table. That's bro. Hit the arcades We come back and both my parents will be sitting as far away from each other as they could drinking dude

And then yeah, that's got dark. Yeah, then a this manager a ginger I mean as ginger as you could get, bro. I mean just skin. Oh, you could see their organs, all of his organs. If you pulled his shirt up, you could see it all. You see all the veins. Oh, it's biology one. Under his shirt was bio one.

Or what is that class you guys take? Biology. Chim, what is it? Biology. Yeah, biology. So right under his shirt was bio one. And then he'd bring over some trainee every time it was a young black girl she was a trainee oh and she had like a this is back in the day when

a lot of you know a lot of black ladies would suck on pacifiers at work that was weird I remember those yeah and so this lady would come in and they'd be like you know this is you know and they had this girl in our town named asthma Wilson and they'd be like this is asthma and she's a trainee and she'd be like you know this is you know and they had this girl in our town named asthma Wilson And they'd be like this is asthma, and she's a trainee and she'd be like I'm about fuck y'all you know Fuck your pepper. Yeah, fuck y'all man fuck this dude Would be like three fuck this dude fuck whitey's you know and water But then anyway He would say she's a trainee and blah blah blah

And then they would they've she messed up the order and then they go get the order right and then we'd all sit there And have that pie man And that's back when it came in a hot pan that hot pan and they said it on the table And it was like a cork kind of thing they set it on and that pan was about three inches stick of fucking yes bro they don't do that anymore that's what I'm saying it's changed I'm with see original pizza I fucked with okay when it comes to delivery it's Domino's all day but we can agree on some we might disagree on that little Caesars can suck this dick well little five dollar pizza get the fuck out of my face yeah and here's what I'll disable well

look at their advertisement it's a disabled boy in a diaper. Can you bring it up? It's a kid who's missing a bit of chromosomes and then yeah Look at look at that bro. Look at the nose on them. That ain't cool making fun of those people Yeah, it's not illegal, but it's definitely something that they're trying to you know, not have those inoculations for babies So it doesn't happen anymore. Dude. Here's the problem too. They cut their slices in squares. Really? Squares. They don't do fucking triangles like Americans.

Yeah. Squares, bro. I don't fucks with it. Yeah. Oh wow, that, huh? Yup. Think about it. Dude, I used to work at BJ's Pizza, dude, and they set it up for Black Jack's, but at

Lowkey's it stood for Blowjob's Pizza. Oh wow. And was uh, dude It was crazy and at night we would take uh The the trash would get too fulled up because everything in there was straight garbage. So the dumpster out back We got like a mini dumpster. This was at a time in our town where they tried to save money by giving people Oh, they're thinking we can have less pollution if we give people many dumpsters. won't make as much garbage right yeah that makes sense that's the worst idea ever so then there was just as much garbage but half of it was laying all around these mini dumpsters so our thing was we had to get out there at night at the end of the

shift and burn everything in the dumpster god damn so we have to get out there dude put gasoline in that dumpster. They ain't paying you enough. Oh bro. They ain't paying you enough. 4.95 an hour. Dude Slavery. Dude that's as much as an expensive cookie, bro. It's how much I was fucking making to pour real gasoline into the dumpster. Double doos and cookie. That's five dollars, bro. No. You're a you'll work for anything, dude And it's obvious by your get up and some of the shit you're always peddling on your Instagram story but what I'm saying is, what I'm saying is that we would have to get in this dumpster and just hotbox that thing and just burn all the trash

down to the ground. Dude, we'd be at work until 3 a.m. putting out a fire in the back. Making $17 after taxes. That was crazy. It's fucked up. Dude, if my mom sometimes would make me walk home, I'd be like, will you come pick me up?

She'd be like, fuck no. How far is it? It was honestly, not joking, at that that time was probably seven miles and you run to now yeah and so at that time I'd run seven you know I'd leave my apron and everything I work and just run that fucking seven but I run it in pants you know run in church pants no hell yeah you got him so I'll be running church pants and gasoline and my shoes huh those Andy DeFrain work shoes all black no what were those ones at Doc Martens, dude?

Low top. All the low tops. And dude, you wanna talk about cutting, and the back of my heels would be all cut up. I mean, through the bone. I remember one of my feet, I left it on the side of a road and just ran on one foot to get home. Makes sense.

And I never put a bandaid on. No. And I never put a woman's bandaid on either. The cool thing about Brendan's band-aids, well, the cool thing about Brendan's band-aids, that's even a real statement, is that they're the fancy kind that blend with your skin. Well that's the only color you can get how band-aids are racist there's no black band-aids. Whatever. You see there's only white people band-aids bro. You can't get a mix much they

do colored band-aids really like you can't get an Asian band-aid you can't get a black band-aid. It's only white person band-aid because we're the only people that use band-aid They put like, you know Whatever it is We're talking we're talking about use over the under the counter or whatever. It is over-the-moon medication Oh, they use duct tape. No herbivores or whatever. What do you Asian people are what not herbivores? You know, I'm talking about yeah aromatherapy Aromatherapy yoga these eucalyptus. Yes pine Field firm have you ever met our own cat?

Uh have met cat before when we see I didn't think you guys met we saw each other one time didn't we? Oh, yeah, he popped in and said hi to everybody. There we go. So this isn't the first time you guys met Nice to see you shoot now. She racist or not is this racist Thomas she refers to herself as a jungle Asian Oh, yeah. Yeah, um, I Think it's cool me too. That's dope, you know, but I'm not a racist. I'm a recovering racist I think but I Are you really a jungle Asian? Yeah, do you know what jungle Asian is? I would say it's probably I would guess Filipino or Laotian or something like that. Are you gonna get deep Vietnamese? Yeah, well beautiful Vietnamese. Mm-hmm. You never know Vietnamese sometimes. I thought I

one time I met a I thought I met a Vietnamese guy, but it was just a Mexican guy that had been in a fire. That's fair though, it's a tough. And that was a tough call. Yeah, it's tough with the skin. We come in a spectrum. Yeah, but jungle Asian comes from the term what though? Because when she said, I was like, damn, that's racist.

I feel racist right now. Well, Vietnam is pretty much jungle. I'm not saying that by accident by the fire. Because you guys come from the jungle. Yeah. So if me and Theo refer to Certain Asian only clue me on whatever you're about to do. Well, you just want a whole rant I thought I'm excellent was a burnt Asian. So I think you're good. I also spent a $60 as a child to go see a rumored Asian in a burnt down pizza hut real quick

I've also seen all Jackie Chan movies. So fuck Whoa, dude, what's up? Nice wrist snap at the end. What's up, bro? You got a Whole Foods bag? Yeah, man. And some carrot juice. Carrot juice and peanuts, bro. Wow, dude. You used to fight?

You used to fight what, dude? You're trying to fight a cold now and struggling it looks like. No, man, I got some carrot juice and peanuts. Wow, bro. Bro, you couldn't go two rounds with who's a real shitty fighter right now. CM Punk.

Yeah. Dude, you think you could beat CM Punk right now? Get out, get out. I'm serious though. No, the better question would be, do you think you could beat CM Punk? If I'm allowed to use, if they put two more ropes on, how many ropes are on the ring? Well, it's an octagon, so there's no room. Okay. Well, what if they put extra ropes on the octagon? Okay. So let's say you're fighting them in a WWE. If they go big cage and they throw some ladders in there, I could do something. Yeah, I feel that. Because I used to paint and I was on ladders all the time.

You know your way around the ladder. Well, I know my way up and down fast side to side. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I'd be around. I'm sort of that jungle construction worker. Whoa. There's nothing wrong with that. Are your parents from Vietnam?

Yeah. Wow. What part? Saigon and G Vietnam? Yeah. Wow, what part? Saigon and yeah, and you've been there a lot or no when I was younger. Yeah, I used to go more often That's cool. It's cool place, huh? It's sad as fuck to be you think so well Tourists tend to go to the really nice places right fancy places, but that's not real is yeah, but that's that's not real But the people do you find it? Yeah, but that's not real. It's really sad to be there. I'd like to go with her. I want the real shit. I'm not trying to sleep on the ground and shit, but I'm down to go. I went on as a student one time and they took us to, and a lot of the taxi drivers and stuff,

in the beginning it's just tourist stuff. They take you to a brothel or some place where there's women, you can meet girls. But this place was a pet shop. It had a pet shop in the front and low-key in the back they was doing you know sexual offers bro but and my buddies they were real perverts you know and I'm in there looking at these fucking parakeets and all kind of parrotlets they have cool hedgehogs birds mostly dude it's the fucking jungle bro hedgehogs the fuck out of here do you look it's Montana they had real

beautiful animals in there and everybody else is trying to come in the back and I'm trying to catch one of these Fucking beautiful parrot. Let's out dude. You don't think you now now just be that honest Do you think you bought a cheap parrot and they got your dick up in the back? I do know what happened. That's um We went in the back and and I got super nervous and then I left and I didn't I didn't I and then What did your buddy say go down? Did they fuck a toucan or something? I don't know how strange it got, but the funny thing to me was the parrots knew a lot

of English and they would mimic a lot of sexual things they'd heard, you know? Like, oh, get that pony. You know? And it was so crazy. Use a condom, use a condom. I'm about to burst. Oh, yeah.

I'm about to burst! About to burst! White guy cheap, white guy cheap! White guy cheap, white guy cheap! I think that's what they said after the white guys left, white guy cheap. But I thought it was beautiful, it was so busy, I was amazed how many people could move around on motorcycles. Weren't you just in China? Yeah, I was just in China. It's a different country.

Slang and jokes, right? Very different place. No, I'm just saying though. It's Asia, bro Yeah, you've been there recently you haven't been to her part of the fucking world So this is what it sounds like when I try to weasel my way out of a racist moment Yes, I have been there, but I loved it though. I thought it was cool But yeah, I guess there's some parts where it's like we went on like the Mekong where we went on like boats and like But they just took us to like touristy stuff, like to hold snakes and like.

You know what the real thing, man. That's not a good place to go anymore though. A lot of people, yeah, they get robbed there now. It's a, whenever they see a lot of white people or people who just aren't Asian, they tend to flock there and rob people. Really? And so the people that are robbing people,

is it just like poor Vietnamese people that are doing it? Is it angry people? Like, is it, or is there any type I think it's mostly poor is it kids it's yeah kids adults they have a lot of different scams they have nice knives or something or guns or I saw two motorcycles collide and another motorcycle came up robbed the guy of his bag and drove off. So two guys, yeah, so two motorcycles would come, one would crash into somebody with a bag with a valuable. Yeah, it's a setup.

And then somebody else, his friend would come, grab the bag, he would drive off, and then the guy who hit the victim would drive off too. So stuff like that would happen. Sounds like Grand Theft Auto, it sounds like. Or they'll just like yank necklaces and stuff like that. You just yank them right off your necklaces and stuff like that. You just yank them right off your neck.

But that's like anywhere. Here there's always, you know, every place has its scams. I think it's just like in some countries they're still like on foot. Whereas here it's more like... Electronic. Yeah, electronic scams or you know, yeah, somebody will steal your credit card number out of place and use it.

Or do you ever get those DMs like oh what's's up, daddy? You want to see more pictures click here? Yeah I almost want to post like you stupid bitch who is falling for this shit? Well, I were those fake Apple ones like the emails. Oh, yeah call now Come on, dude. Call now. I'm what come on Fuck's falling for this, but I guess it works all the time. How did you meet cat? How did you end up with these guys cat? Um, I Graduated college needed a job DM Brendan and asked him if he needed an intern, but how long ago that was a while She was a while ago. She did it right when she

Graduated from USC, right? Yeah SC and then she did it a while ago Yeah, it was June and then I came back from the Bay Area and then I DM'd you again Yeah, and then I ended up here. She Area and then I DM'd you again and then I ended up here. She's a little beast. Yeah, that's cool. They imported me straight from Vietnam. Dang, Vietnam.

See how they say it? Vietnam. Yeah, you didn't know that, bro. I know that. Really? Yeah, I knew that. Vietnam. I forgot it, but I know it.

Yeah, I need to learn more. I'm thinking about learning another language sometime before I die. Yeah, me too. I need to get a little more worldly, you know what I'm saying? Oh. Like I want to go rob people with them out there. Dude, where are you? You already look like, you look like all of the, who's the Fratellis from, you look like

every one of the Fratellis? Who's the Fratellis? From Goonies. You look like you'd move to Vietnam and sell rats. You look like the guy on the side of the river that'd sell rats. Dude, you look like somebody that's going to audition to be one of the bugle boys. Who are the people that Rob Scrooge or McDuck? Oh, who are those guys? The big guy with the mask?

The Beagle Boys. The Beagle Boys. Yeah, dude, you look like the fifth Beagle Boy. Bring that up. They were dope. Yeah, duck, they were dope. Yeah, they were dope, man. Costume. There they are, the Beagle Boys.

Oh my God, you definitely look like oh yeah That's my squad bro The Beagle Boys damn bro, dude Wonder where Chris Daly is that dude? He's probably just rich dude someone said he has four sofas in his house Oh, what a piece of shit at least there's people that don't have sofas like in other countries where cats from and even maybe where? Probably where I'm from dude, Louisiana has other small countries Yeah, Louisiana some of the most Vietnamese people in America to pretty cool. Is that true? Yeah, cuz a lot of Vietnamese people tend to go to New Orleans to be

What is it? Fishermen they would basically fish shrimp Shrimp bad boys. Yeah, those shrimp sandwiches. We're called po boys. Oh, yeah They're nice. But yeah, Viennese they love and be able to eat anything you can go to some of the markets I remember they'll kill it right in front of you. Yep, everything and anything you ever you ever you ever eat one of those eggs That the vip means work with uh-uh, you're seeing one of them eggs. I brought hot eggs or something It's it's like a fucking velociraptor egg and it's a dead baby bird in the middle. They drink the juice and eat the whole Balloot duck egg. Yeah, I think that's it's like a fucking velociraptor egg and it's a dead baby bird in the middle They drink the juice and eat the whole balut duck egg. Yeah, I think that's it Would you eat that deal

Me neither. I can't and I can't eat that now if you throw it on Monday now If asthma Wilson fucks my order up and throws a couple on under pizza, I will eat it depends What kind of people but Americans will eat anything on pizza, But alone they won't eat it. That's the interesting thing. Yeah, that deep dish They might be able to hide one of those in there on me Oh that thing's got a little bit of ovary left on the back end of it. I can't fuck You would eat that cat right now. I Want to eat the bird? I only eat the yolk and sip the broth But who is peeling that baby bird of that? Yo girl?

But who is peeling that baby bird off that yolk girl? Damn! Who is prying that dead bird out of the fucking warmth of the yolk? Wow man, from my cold dead egg. This thing is bad. Damn! Wow! So people don't eat the bird? They toss the bird out? No, people eat the bird. I personally don't eat the bird. And are Vietnamese people very, are Vietnamese people very sexual or not?

Yes, we put a bikini on girls all the time. Really? Have you been to a Vietnamese coffee shop before? No. I have. So over in Orange County, I don't think you have. Yeah, I think you're thinking of something else, dude. No, I definitely have.

Oh, really? They have a lot in Orange County and San Jose where it's basically like a Hooters, a Starbucks, and a strip club had a baby. Oh, no, I haven't been there. Oh, wow. And where's that at, you said? Orange County. They have a lot of them. There's only one in Orange County. No, they have a bunch in Orange County San Jose anywhere where there's a lot about LA. No, do you see any Vietnamese people here besides me? Yeah, no, I don't need a lot of Koreans Yeah, it's a very early store for chin stuff and there's no there's no fucking Thai. I'm sorry

Is there's no Vietnamese coffee shop here? No, you got, on your way to Disneyland next time, you got to stop by. Get your coffee. Damn, I definitely want to go now. So I can get a dark roast and a dick suck? Yeah. Dude, those girls make bank though. They do.

Yeah. And Vietnamese people are very, they love business, they're very business minded? Yes, we're very conservative But also we love something like this, right? But most most I don't mean to interrupt or be racist there now most Asian. Oh, go on and do both aren't very sexual, right? Yeah, most Asian cultures aren't very sexual. That's usually very taboo. Yes. Wow, they don't talk about sex, but Bro, right. Oh, that's interesting. Now they don't talk about sex but they'll go get coffee at Wastelands. Right. Oh, that's interesting. Now, if they don't talk about sex, does that mean that, like, within their own families

and culture things are very sexual or do you feel like America seems a lot more sexualized? As people are Americans. Well, Brian said in Asian culture, especially Japanese, the walls are so thin so when you have sex, you know, it's quiet. Oh yeah. Like whisper, yeah. Oh, fucking. like whisper. Yeah fucking The bird

It's not spoken about in the household, but when you walk around the culture is basically like this Yeah, and uh-uh and you guys they joke about a lot more stuff. Americans seem very sensitive about things that they joke about these days. Whereas I find that people from other cultures are a lot more open. Lucy Goosley. I go to that show, JK News sometimes. Oh, I love them. And those kids joke about, they don't give a fuck.

What is it? Bro, they would tell jokes we won't even say because they don't give a fuck because they're just normal people. They're not worried about shit like we are yeah Really good example of what Asians actually are in terms of like not being politically correct and who are these gentlemen? JK news they have um It's a bark Kwan and his wife is named Gio and then they have my boy Joe Jitsukawa right there on the left And then they have Melanie maybe in the middle no Tiffany. Tiffany. Who's the attractive girl in the middle? And, oh that's David So.

And now this is a joke because they know David So is. David So is a funny, he is Korean on the right. He grew up, his parents used to sell black hair care products. So he grew up saying that N-word, bro. He has a personality. Oh he's hilarious. Is he a comic too? He is a comedian.

But they're so funny, but dude I went over there and I'm always like afraid to say stuff and they just say whatever. They don't give a comedian, but there's so funny, but dude I went over there, and I'm always like afraid to say stuff And they just say whatever they don't give a fuck bro. You know who they are turn yeah They're big and they're nice man. They're really really nice people too. I love it, and they have like yes side business But yeah, they're very in gin. What does it call when you do business engine? Ingenuity I don't know. Something. Anyway, who seems more racist you think of me or Brendan? That's really what we're trying to figure out here. I'd probably say Theo by a long shot. Really? But you're wearing camo, dude.

This isn't... Bro, you're in camo, woogie? These are... You have camo capris on. These aren't capri pants. You have lesbian capris on. They were some... With some underarmor shoes with Nike socks camo women Capri's and a woman's hair

What fucking bro you have a haircut you can only get from being a cafeteria female cafeteria worker who's abusing steroids Are you lately on the job? You broke you look like you make sloppy Joe's On the job you look like you broke you look like you make sloppy Joe's Me like that you look like you make the best sloppy Joe in LA right now You look like you raised two kids named sloppy Joe dude if you fucking look like your adopted two girls named Diane What are you talking about dude? I'm growing this for a kid dude who has cancer but also as a four-wheeler that kid's gonna be cool as fuck, bro Locks for lust bro. That's what I'm growing this shit out for a four-wheeler that kid's gonna be cool as fuck bro locks for lust, bro

That's what I'm growing this shit out for a nine-year-old with no with a fucking who's definitely low in the chromosomes But he's down to fuck and not afraid to go in a five-wheel drive, but I'll cut my hair for that dude We're doing I'm just saying you look like a blatant lesbian cafeteria worker. You have women's blend in with the fucking leg I didn't create the safety pads. I didn't create these. Safety pads. I didn't create these fucking band-aids. Band-aid, bro, and they're racist, alright? I didn't do that. I just want to cover up my blisters, bro.

Your blisters? Who even has blisters, dude? Your lesbian mom haircut. Women. And your judgment, and your racist ways. Pizza on, baby. Insulting the whole Finally Kid team. Pizza on.

Because they look different than you. Dominoes, what is it? It's a board game for children You're in there eating what a fucking creep There's kids in there playing games and you're in there looking for fucking black olive and mushroom. What a pervert bro It's not even literally somebody put pizza flavoring in a can and sprayed it inside of a bottle shit But they're good people there. But anyway what I was saying was earlier is that uh, There was a story I was telling the beginning of this I've never gotten to finish about Asians No, you're you were oh you're gonna buy a penguin, but you're in jacked off by a young Asian in the back

Where were we where were we they weren't they only had parrots you they only had exotic birds They have penguins. They didn't have like cold country birds. These were more hot country birds. That's disappointing You know we could buy a penguin. I've looked it up you buy them online. You know what the problem is they slap they do Yeah, they slap. They don't bite. They slap you think you could beat a penguin in a fight. Oh, that's where we're at Could you be seeing pump? Really though cuz punks been training and also both you guys get penalized for pulling the hair out of your face. No, I'd shave my head if I had to fight. Okay, there we go.

Yeah. Would you really? For sure. And what else would you do? You have to come out with a new name. You can't be Brendan Schaub again. You got to come out with a new fighting name because everybody's going to be like, oh, I beat this guy.

So you have to come out with a new fighting name. What would it be? You have to have a nickname too. God, I would never fight, dude. Really? Never. Do you think you still have it in your spine to do it? Like, is it? What would it be? You have to have a nickname too. God, I would never fight dude. Really? Never. Do you think you still have it in your spine to do it? Like is it, cause at some point it had to be like, I mean you have to be furrowed.

You have to be in an attack mode, right? I mean, yeah. Yeah. Fight. Fuck. But right now CM Punk, do you think you could go to a draw with him? He has long legs, dude. How long are his legs?

Can you look that up, Chen? This is insulting. CM Punk has been training training bro. He's from where? Chicago? It's a dangerous city. I'm headed to Chicago. Are you really? Yeah. Thursday. No, I don't mean it as offense. I just mean it as look how long his legs are. 70 inches? 73 inch reach bro. It does say his strength is jujitsu on the skill breakdown

It doesn't he's 39 I go he's young bro It's going some current events. Oh And there's the answer. All right My bad Take a little break and then you get right back to the fun old times with our old friends Bobby Lee and Thiel Vaughn This episode is brought to you by Sportsman's Cove Lodge. Me and my son, Brian, Chen, Mark, the whole crew went.

It was the best vacation I've ever had with my son. He got so many fish. So if you're looking for a great experience with your family, your son, your daughter, you gotta get out there to Alaska, but you gotta do it right. You gotta do it right because they know what they're doing. They're the best of the best. You're talking, you're catching big fish every single day.

My son alone caught nine. I caught a halibut so big, I broke the rod. They have one-to-one staff to guess ratio, great food. The facilities are fantastic. Go to alaskasbestlodge.com. If you use the code T F A T K you get 10% off your first trip. All right. And it's a great time.

I'm so glad I went. Go enjoy Alaska. It is so unique. It's so fun. This episode of the Fight My Kid with Bobby Lee and Theo Von Throwback is brought to you by Happy Hippo. They got gummies. They got powders.

They got fricking energy shots. They've highly concentrated shots. They got a fricking energy shots. They've highly concentrated shots. They got K dips, however you want to get your Kratom and trustworthy Kratom. Cause the wild west out there, try happy hippo. Get a happy hippo.com promo code is T F A T K. You get 20% off for life. Share with your mom, your friend, your aunt, whoever it is, make sure they use TFATK for 20% off

happy hippo.com. Let's get back to the program. And now from the Onnett Studios in Playa, Vista, California, it is the moment you've been waiting for. The fighter and the kid is coming at you live. No, no, we're not live. It doesn't matter. Sounds better when you say it.

Live. I just want to say, I interrupted you. We just started a show. We have the great Bobby Lee from Saturday Night Live. No. Where is it? Nope. The same piece of shit you were on.

Hey, oh yeah, sorry. Long time, Matt. Don't go bad on Matt TV, guys. Well, people can see it with the YouTube video. You're literally sitting like we're about to do an intervention on you. You're holding onto the couch sort of. Your hair is way too long. I'm small.

You're a subversive person. I can fall. I can fall. I can hurt myself. And you're bundled up. Well, I'm jealous. I dig the hair. I'm jealous.

So I have to put it back. You like my hair? Thank you so much. You're very funny. Excuse me? Happy birthday, by the way. Thank you. I'm 50.

You're 45 and I'm 50. I'm 45. It's weird. When did you turn 50? I looked in the mirror today and I went technically… I might not make it. I don't know. This is how you feel.

Technically, well, I'll tell you what 50 does, maybe even 45, is that I looked in the mirror and technically I've been on the planet for 50 years as of 15 minutes ago and my father just told me that. And I thought to myself, if I die, they go, 50-year-old man dies, and people go, yeah, he lived a good life, he had a good stretch. Matthew 15 If they go through your, they're like, that was a good day. Matthew 15 It's a good stretch.

Matthew 15 You're over time, everything's bonus now. Matthew 15 Right, and even I, because you know I'll be sitting to the right or the left of Jesus, you know that. Matthew 15 Yeah, to the right probably. Matthew 15 Yeah, well when God makes Jesus move out of the way, makes the sun move out of the way, and fucking brushes the seat off and lets me sit while the angels are singing, for he is a jolly good fellow, for he is a jolly good fellow, because you know they're going to do that.

That's not happening, sir. Dude, you don't know. And yeah, all my sins. I have this joke where I have this feeling like if I died right now, God would have my entire life on one piece of paper. That's right. Yeah, like with the same look on his face that my dad had when he got my report card. You know what I mean? Or it'd be like you as 50 years old trying to get into the hottest nightclub, him just being like, mm-mm.

I know. Right. But if you were to go, you would still be really scared and depressed. You don't feel like you lived a long time. Like I'm 45, people go, that's a long time. I go, no, can fight die right now. It'd be such a bummer. It'd be a bummer Well, maybe Asian with Asians to you. It's like you can't tell at all. Well, that's crazy Well, I don't want and can I just say that right? I know I've never seen a mutant Asian before to my right Well, he's a giant. I never knew that they groomed that big

He was born in a lab. Him and Yang Ming together. Yes. Right? And... Chin is a giant man. And I always thought that like, Oh dude, I'm 5'4 but I'm average height for Asian.

I'm fucking not! No. Look at him! We got the Shrek of Koreans over here. I know! As soon as I saw him, so you guys should talk. Do you speak Korean? Oh shit.

A little. A little? Oh... I'm a little bit. I speak a little bit of Korean. Oh damn! I know he doesn't. Do you speak Korean?

As soon as I saw Bobby Lee at the comedy store, I went, Hey, our producer is Korean! Oh yeah, you did say that. I don't give a f***. Cool, and I went, He has Han It's so embarrassing you did cuz chin couldn't be more American. Yeah either But chin your parents are both Korean obviously yeah, you could have been adopted like what if you said Brad Pitt's my dad I go all your baby Maddox's brother

That'd be cool. Hell yeah, because you grew up with Korean parents, huh? They were strict? Very strict. Yeah, fuck, strict as fuck, bro. Korean parents are super strict. Oh, dude, I got beat with golf clubs, all kinds of shit. Correct me if I'm wrong. The Korean peninsula's been invaded, I think, 38 times. They don't fuck around. Correct him if he's wrong, though.

I think you're wrong. No, no, no. But Koreans, I've talked to soldiers from the Vietnam era, and one of the things that they said, for real, and one of the things that they said, for real, is one of the things that they said is that some of the toughest people on the planet who can endure suffering are Koreans. Can I tell you something about, like my dad told me how the Japanese tortured Koreans? This is what he said. I googled it, I couldn't find it.

They wouldn't let them work? No, no, no. He said that they used to tie Koreans by their ankles on a tree and hang them upside down and then dunk them in hot boiling water. And they would dunk them so many times that a layer of skin would come off and eventually they're just nerves. Yeah. Jesus.

People have always come up with really awful ways to hurt other people. I know. Why did your dad tell you that story? I don't know. I was five. So he'd understand. That's his bedtime story. Were you hanging around dropping your skits? Good night. Good did your dad tell you that story? I don't know, I was five. So he'd understand. That's his bedtime story. So you don't understand how lucky you are. Were you hanging around dropping kids? Good night. Good night dad. Good night. Yeah. Good time little buddy. I think Koreans also is like we don't hold it

in, like everything's on our sleeve. Right? You're like the Latins of the Asian world. Right, right, right. So it's like, you know, you look so ugly today. You know, and it's like, you know, you look so ugly today You know and you're like, oh fuck But I'm going to school by you know, I mean, yeah You fucked up my day. Yeah, that kind of school things Yeah My the I always say that one of the biggest influences of my life was my taekwondo teacher who is old school career I love a white old old school Korean most white dudes do but he. Yeah, they do say that. But he was, right?

He was. And one of the main things was that you could- Pan-na-do-ri-se-t. You don't know that? Yeah, of course. Okay. Okay. Jun-bi.

Jun-bi. Yeah, yeah. And when we would practice, he would always say, as you as Americans, so lazy. So lazy. So lazy. I'm waiting maybe 10 years. I'm no more teaching. He hated America.

He hated us so much because I say lazy, it's all this salt, all the chocolate in the mouth, oh no, no, no, no. Like we had chocolate in our mouths all the time, like in other words, we were soft people. And he said, you as a people that's practicing, maybe two hours is a, you think it's a long time. But it's a no.

It's just a memory, just a memory. After, after, after the practicing. And so I used to always do him and I would call and we were so afraid of him. He was like, my type one of the teacher, I don't give a shit, was a gangster, was a straight, he wasn't a fighter, he's killer. He'll kill you. Completely different dude, old school career. In Florida, where was this? It was in Washington DC. And he was most... He looks like he's from Florida.

He's the most amazing... If I told you stories about him, you would think I was making it up. He could play the trumpet, he could sing opera, he was the most amazing fucking human being on the planet. And he was dead broke teaching table tennis. No he wasn't. He had money, and we don't know how he had money, but he had plenty of money. He played the trumpet.

Yes. No, look at me right here. He played the trumpet? Yes, and sang opera. I've never seen a Korean play a trumpet. He played the trumpet well. He played the trumpet well and sang opera. And Ed Redden and everything. His seen a Korean play trumpet. He played the trumpet well play the trumpet well and sang opera His name was duck young Choi and he in to this day is like I revere him like if I saw him

I would bow to him and I'm terrified of him and you should be too and We would I would call my friends and pretend I was him. He would never call you and I go hi Yeah, hi, sir. How are you? Yes, you have to practice, okay? You're very lazy. How long did you train with him, B? Five years. Every day. Before comedy? Yeah, that's why I'm a master.

How old were you? From 18 to probably 22, but I practiced and competed until I was 25. So I would always go back and train. I fought. Do you forget guys, I mean, Brendan I know you used to fight, do you forget how to do it or? I, yes. You know what, when I met you, after I met you,

I went to my UFC fight pass and I just watched your match. You were like a legitimate, really good fighter. Yeah, thanks brother. I don't know if I forget I mean I don't forget like Some of the jitsu stuff. I'm sure if I sparred my timing would be off, but I still hit mitts Really? So you think that how long would it take you to get back into a situation where you were in shape? If I took a fight yeah three months three months three months you just did it for so long that you have yeah you can you can physically do it like probably not emotionally but you think physically you can still do it yeah i'm in the best shape now in my life oh wow he was high level too it's a different thing yeah i know i said

and i i i i i remember jack may said that about you like he said after brendan sparred this guy was six eight and it was just literally a guy guy was getting paid 6'8", probably 2'80", and I'm not exaggerating, and tell me if I'm lying here, and he was a high-level K-1 guy, and he was trying to kick and punch Brendan in the head as hard as he could, and I thought, and I found out that he got $500 if he knocked him out, okay, and he needed the money. And I remember talking to Jack, because Jack, they were supposed to go five rounds and Jack just didn't want to go after, you know, three, because it was just, Brendan was just, you know, and he, and I, and I said, um, what is the difference? Cause he was, you know, he was kind of barely, you were not hitting him, but you were just missing it. He goes, the top guys, he's one of the, you know, the top, top echelon has an ability

to make that distinction by one inch. And he was kind of describing the difference between you and so many other guys who are really good. Yeah. I think to get to that level is, is a matter of inches, right? It's like that weird. What's crazy is Jack, not crazy, but Jack just, he fought in Bellator this past week and he won. I want to say knocked the guy out in 30 seconds. Nice. 20 seconds. Good for Jack. Yeah. Right. His Bellator debut and smoked the dude. good for him. He's a great guy, man I want which the best for that guy. There's uh, there's some Koreans in the UFC Yeah, Jen like we watch of the bad boy. Did you see the best fight?

I've ever seen like three weeks ago that one Superboy Superboy, right? It looks like a Korean pop star Yeah, that beautiful face. Yeah, straight-up fucking killer. Yeah, dude And what that's what you do do that's a part of the oppression though That's the hon no the Korean oppression right from the Japanese for 50 years I think it just makes them any group that's been oppressed like that makes them stronger I believe 100% even through generations You know that deep that deep hatred my my Korean teacher would go to sushi restaurants So he could order the Japanese

waiters around and he would never ever buy a Japanese car. And I traveled- So the Japanese, it's known that the Japanese and Koreans hate each other? Well the Japanese colonized Korea for 50 years and didn't even let them speak their own language. Like if I had anything Japanese on TV, my dad would go, fuck you, Godzilla. Godzilla. It's fuck all you guys. God said, fuck all you guys. They were also, remember, I mean, one of the things

that it's very hard to talk about, but in World War II, a lot of Koreans, women were forced into prostitution to be, to service the Japanese fucking. You grew up here, Bobby? Where do you think I grew up, Seoul? Come on, man. Dude, you have intensity. Do I have an accent? Brandon. No, man. Dude, you have intensity. Do I have an accent?

Brandon. No, I'm just kidding. Be real. I am, man. I'm curious where you grew up. I grew up here in San Diego. Well, fuck, man. I thought you knew.

I figure you grew up in LA, not San Diego. That's why I had so many prostitutes before I really got a good real girl. Why? Because I grew up in San Diego, and I couldn't get laid because I was pretty much unfuckable. Yeah. I was short.

San Diego's got tall blondes. Look at Ching Ching laughing at me. No, because Brian. Yeah, Ching Ching the call guy. That's why. Fuck you, Ching Ching. My bad. But we used to go in high school,

we used to go to Adelita's, which is the biggest brothel in Tijuana. Really? I didn't know that. Yeah, and we used to do these things called trifectas, where we do three in a night. You're young. Yeah, I couldn't go now.

That's not, don't think that you're talking about the dirt bag over here. I know about trifectas. No, I mean these are things that I did in the past that I'm not proud of, but you have to survive. And so I, white chicks didn't like me then, and then so I had to get laid And then once I started doing stand-up at 23 it started flowing on a regular basis, so then I was cool with it

But there's nothing worse for a young man that when he can't get access to wine No, it's so frustrating this guy over here to my left doesn't have a clue as to what that's about You don't you've always killed it. Well look at him. Look at me right now. You've always killed it I wouldn't say kill it. Hey hey hey hey you know varsity blues you know that movie? Yeah. That's his fucking life this fucking this fucking Colorado Softy over here. This Colorado Softy always got everything he fucking wanted look at him. You know how I lost my virginity? I was at a party in high school and I was on the wrestling team and I was the lightest weight and there was a girl that's like I'll fuck everyone you know. Oh my god. So the heavyweights all the way I was the lightest weight. And there was a girl that's like, I'll fuck everyone, you know?

So the heavyweights all the way down to the lightweights got to fuck her and I was last. Yeah, but I waited patiently in the room. Like I remember I had my hands in my pocket and I was just whistling, you know? And then I got in there, I like, I stuck it, it was like a fucking bat cave. I bet.

Yeah, and I stuck it in there, it didn't feel anything, but I came anyway because just the idea of, of course, right? So I went, oh, like that. And then I felt like, do I have AIDS for like two weeks? You know, sure that man. I remember when, when AIDS was, we didn't know what, what you'd have sex and I would get like a cold and my glands would swell. And I'm like, I have AIDS. Yeah, you are probably the worst I've ever seen a hyper do I was at F Street bookstore when I was in 19 F Street bookstore are these uh, they're porn store not porn. Yeah, like adult bookstores in San Diego Yeah, and they have those rooms in the back right where the floor is really sticky. Yep So I remember one night I was waiting tables and I went to F Street and you could lock it and you know You can change ten channels by these little buttons and it did a button and it was fucking common it oh

No, everybody like that right, so and I looked at my finger, and there was a little cut there ah Do I thought I had AIDS oh my god? Yeah, I thought I had full-blown AIDS. Yeah, but I didn't you know why I've never met a Korean with Have you you guys have've never met a Korean with You guys have you ever met a Korean with a well there you go, I'm not saying that I can't get it Yeah, I think my body's pretty like yes I talked to I swear to God I talked to this This porn director and he has sex with all his actresses and I said said, can I ask you, yeah, of course it's standard. I go, do you use economy?

He goes, nope, no, no, no, no. And he was married. And I said, you're gonna give something to your wife. He goes, honestly, dude, I'm immune to that stuff. Dead serious, I went. Did you start laughing? You're immune to getting a bacteria in your penis that can cause your girl to be sterile, okay.

And he was like, I am, dude, I've never had anything so I would know. You know? Because back when you guys were talking about AIDS, it was like, we're talking Dallas Buyers Club days. Like it's a bad... Oh, before that even. Really? Yeah, you literally had it, you're dead.

Like now it's all good. Remember that? You, it was a death sentence. Now it's good. Now it's like herpes. Well, yeah. Yeah, and back then you got it and you died in a terrible way. It was very hard.

And I watched it. I watched it in New York. I saw it a thousand times. I know dudes on the cocktail, it's not good. No. I mean it weighs heavy on your body. You don't feel free. It's getting better. You don't feel like, I'm 12, I have so much energy.

No, I mean it's like. I don't feel that way. You don't have AIDS. I know, but. It is getting better. It is getting better. It's getting. But you're not going to die like magic is to arrive here.

He might be doing better with a. Well, it's like Charlie Sheen. So he had sex with his porn star girlfriend knowing he had, you know, apparently HIV positive. Yeah. And she under the supervision of a doctor, but she was, I think she sued him or got really, you know, about the fact that he was having sex. She didn't know, but the virus was not detectable in his body. Right. So when you take produce inhibitors and things, you can get the viral load so low that it's not detectable in his body, right? So when you take protease inhibitors and things, you can get the viral load so low that it's not detectable. From what I've read.

You can also take stuff. I was watching Prince Charming. It's an old gay bachelor show. And he picked a guy who has, he's HIV positive. And he was like, that's who he selected as his prince. That's guys, by the way. He's so hot that he's like, you know what? No it like he can take a pill the guy who doesn't have it So I'm on protective sex with him. Yeah, and he won't get it. Yeah, really? Yeah

Wait, so if I am it lowers his chance if I had HIV just in a hypothetical situation And I fucked you in the ass. Yeah, we're gonna share hypothetical. Yeah, with no condom Okay, he could get it that way but you if but if you look at the people the the gay men that survived the AIDS epidemic Yeah, we're gay as shit. Hypothetical. Yeah, sure. With no condom. Okay. He could get it that way, but you, if you look at the people, the gay men that survived the AIDS epidemic, the ones that were doing the fucking were less apt to get it than the ones getting invaded. So what you're saying to me is that if Brendan had AIDS and he was fucking me in the ass, I'm going to get it.

Please stay sodomizing. I'm I'm gonna get it good chance you you take pills your chances again are like Way like less than 1% but back then when you had a viral load in your body You were walking around with the HIV virus in your body, right? I like saying cuz I'm a doctor. Okay viral doctor So but viral yeah viral But you you when you had anal sex with a man, you there were micro tears right in the rectum. When you ejaculated, you were carrying that virus in your semen. And so what happened was it was absorbed into your ass. In fact, the way you absorb a suppository, when you absorb a suppository, you can put a suppository. We all know how

to do it. We don't need you to go step by step on the anal sex. But you didn't, but guys weren't getting it through their penis. So then they had sex with a guy. So, like I said, if I didn't, like, my dick, I mean, okay, it's good for my size, but it's not, come on. It's not as big as you know. But anyway, and I didn't, let's say I'm fucking Brendan again, right? For the fifth time, right? I'm fucking you again, right? And I don't tear your butthole.

Maybe switch to Brian. My dick doesn't tear it, like, you know. I don't know, I'm not a doctor. So I'm asking if my cum goes just in through his butthole canal? I don't know. Can he get AIDS that way? With no cut? I know that when you put a suppository in your butt,

you absorb what's in the suppository, right? You absorb it. Some people die because they put alcohol straight into their butt, like alcoholics will. Or drugs, like you can put XC right in your anus, because there's no filter, it goes straight to the bloodstream. Oh.

It doesn't pass the liver. There's no middleman. There you go. So if I put meth in there, would you get high right away? Probably gonna die, yeah. But because there's no filter, like a lot of drunks do it and they die from it because it goes straight to your bloodstream. There you go. I just have a friend call and she's like, raging alcoholic and he would do it. Yeah. He gets so drunk. There's a, my buddy had his buddy, his buddy stay with him. He called it whiskey ass. My buddy had his buddy stay with him whiskey house

And he would give himself a coffee enema and he'd be in the shower with his feet up and he's like what are you doing? He goes I give myself a coffee enema in the morning in his fucking bathtub He's like you can't do that. You can't stay at my house and do that Why would you do that? He's weird, but he said he'd get a buzz you get a caffeine buzz from the cat from the coffee or just drink it Yeah, just drink it man. Let's not inject the dark roast into your ass. Yeah, I mean enemas are important But like not did you do it every day? I don't know. Yeah coffee though. That's a strange bird Yeah, but he was a he would drink a lot when I went to a wheatgrass farm

I stayed there for a week and they shoot wheatgrass in your butthole And then you would feel you would literally feel like super high off of it. I used to that wheatgrass farm, I stayed there for a week, and they shoot wheatgrass in your butthole. And then you would feel, you would literally feel like super high off of it. I used to do that wheatgrass shit, I think it's all a hoax. It's like eating broccoli, it's fine. E3 Live, do you do E3 Live? No, the problem with E3 Live is I looked in it,

I was getting bad stomach cramps, then look up E3 Live. A lot of it comes from a lake, I believe in Oregon. The problem with that lake in Oregon is that algae that's pure and that's not cooked and that's really raw that they freeze dried. That algae is also a major migratory bird stop. So all the geese and all the ducks, they take a shit in it. So now you got a bunch of nitrogen in the water so all this algae grows and guess what? People are getting hepatitis, they're getting all kinds of weird shit.

From E3 Live? Yes, they were getting, and the woman I read read it, cause I was wondering why I was getting these stomach cramps. You do it every day? Yeah. Maybe they've taken it into account. I don't think wheatgrass is bullshit. Nah, I don't know.

It's definitely not. Neither is broccoli. No, no, no. I'm saying you get your greens, but I don't think it's a cure-all. It's not a cure-all, but juicing wise, and straight wheatgrass has serious effects. I'm sure it's good for you. It's good for you. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

100%. I believe that. There's research with it. I did it. I used to do it all the time. If I was getting a cold, I would drink a whole shitload of wheatgrass and lemon, and I would usually not get sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's benefits to it, for sure. Yeah, all I mean is that juicing and wheatgrass and all this stuff, I went through that phase, and I just feel like I'm feeling better now that I just eat regular vegetables. Right. I'm not saying it doesn't have value. Well, when I got sober though, I was like, what else do I do? You used to be an alcoholic? I'm still, I mean, yeah, I'm still an alcoholic technically, but I haven't drank in like 14

years. Damn, good for you, bro. Thank you, but. That's impressive. What made you stop? I was dying. I was literally dying really We know like 60 by today 20 drinking 24 hours a day damn 60 yeah, I'm like Brett Favre and look how small I am compared to him

God like I literally like you know how many Vicodin's what is that you know about? I'm not like that and also like I was on a mad TV at the time And I was making you know how little they pay you right so when you first get on a sketch show they pay you what? 6500 hours a week or something like that and like which is two people go with it's a lot But after agents take 20% it's as much as a bartender makes and it's and it's sure well and it's short-sighted though Right, how many weeks is it? It's um, it's a 23 weeks. I swear to God when I would look at my check back that it's not bad money Yeah, but okay okay that's true

But if you see someone like Eric Stone Street who's making two hundred fifty thousand dollars a week. What did he do? He's on Modern Family No, but wait we have to put this in context we put this in context because I got I remember that a major signal on I was making that's my point though Is is that when you're making sixty five hundred dollars a week and a friend of yours is making two hundred fifty thousand dollars a week. There is a little bit of like what the fuck is going on with my life I'm grateful for it. Hold on but before you go ahead in front of my no, but because 65 hundred dollars has to be put into context even more that what you just said because when I would look at my check I got I was making 7500 bucks a thousand dollars more than you cuz I'm worth it now. Here's the thing

I I remember looking at my check, Bobby. I swear to God, at the end of taxes and commission and everything, I don't know how it was working. I would see between $1,500 and $2,200. That's what I'm saying. You guys are getting ripped off. That's what happens when you're an actor, agent, manager. 20% out the window from your agent and your manager. Yeah.

So 20% out of the window of $66500, so that's, what is that? That's 6500, 10% is... Well, 6500, 10% is $600. Ching-chings, you got it? Ching-chings, you got it. No, 10% is 6500. So $1300 is gone. So $1300 is all together.

Gone. But for me, I was paying 15% to my manager because that was standard, remember, back in the day? Yeah, that was standard, yeah. So it was 25%. So all of that is gone. That's supposed to be tax deductible you still get tax state and federal yeah, and I was seeing between 1,500 and twenty two hundred dollars a month. Oh, I'm sorry. I also business. I thought it was a week I also had a week a week a week a week. Oh an episode not a week an episode

Yeah, an episode which is a week, an episode. Yeah. An episode. Which is how many comes out? Also, it's not really 23 because sometimes they go, you only get 17 out of 23. Yes. So they can cut around, you know? So it's like... You're making money. You're not...

In Los Angeles, you're making about as much as a... That's also a while ago too. It's still there. That's true. No, no, no. But that time during the, during the, that time period, that's more money than, you know what I'm saying? But can I say something right now?

Is that Matt TV, you know, the reunion, they, they casted a brand new show. Yeah. They tried to revitalize it. It lasted like three days. It certainly lasted three days, but I know what they were making. And they were making, I'm not even kidding you, like $1,700 a week. Well, go back to what you were saying about

the bike- Think about that show, though. I'm just saying, though, so it's not time, really. It's just, you know, if you're on a prime time show that is getting 15, 20 million viewers, then yeah, you're gonna make a lot of money, but I'm just saying that because of my drug addiction addiction and I was only making that, it was gone. So I could barely even pay rent really because I was just using drugs.

Wow. You get your paycheck straight to drugs. It's gone. I mean, and you get shoes, you could buy some shoes, you know what I mean? But yeah, it's gone. And then by the end of the year, I mean, after my second year year Ari Shaffir lent me $40,000. Oh my god. After two years. How great a guy is Ari? He's a great guy. What a great guy. Yeah. But wait wait can I that's it by the way I love Ari for that. Me too love Ari. My opinion of him it's always been high but it just went sky high.

For real. But can I ask you this? Why so many, go ahead. No no. I was gonna say why were you doing so many drugs? I'm a drug addict Brendan. Yeah, but that comes from something you you're masking something where you're numb to something That's true. I mean that is a valid argument But you know, I believe that alcoholism that you're born with it, you know, like disease. It's a disease and I would met you know My dad said of the family they all have it pretty much and so like I feel like I got it Inevitably, I think that I was gonna be an alcoholic. No matter what. No matter what. Show business.

Yeah, right, so, but then also I had a violent childhood and all that other stuff, trauma, growing up, adds to it, but it is what it is. I believe that I was born with it, but I could be wrong. Do you think, when you say 60 Vicodin or whatever it was, what is that like? What does that feel like? In the beginning, you know, you would take three or four during a day, right? Because I was sober for 12 years.

Yeah. This is what happened. 12 years sober, and then I got in a mad and they weren't writing for me. And I was, I just hated it there. Yeah. I hated it. So hard. It was the first, the worst two years of my life. You there, you're on the show two seasons?

I feel I did eight, but I got after two, I shit my pants when I did a Connie Chung sketch, because I was detoxing off of Vicodin. And then they let me go. And then that summer I got sober and then they brought me back in. That's hilarious that you shit your pants and they fired you. Yeah, I went, good evening. I'm Connie and I shit my pants. And then it went in my stockings and everything. It was a terrible night.

Oh, terrible night. Right when you were, obviously it's live on air. Good evening, I'm Connie. Yeah, I mean, it's like literally the three cameras, the lights, you can hear the director and the thing. There's like 300 people in the audience. You know, I relive it. Like, you know how you sometimes go to sleep? I'm going to think about good things, you know? Then boom, that happens. The wreckage of your past.

Right. And then I can't sleep all night. Really? Because I relive it. Yeah. Is it so embarrassing or you felt humiliated? I've had maybe 20 instances in my life that plague me to this day that I relive and I treat myself so terribly I won't about to cry. I don't cry but um, I want to treat myself better Yeah, but I huge I don't because like if I fuck up or something bad happens. I torture myself with it for years Yeah, like if I have like notorious like a couple of auditions that were just so

terrible, yeah and humiliating that I, for years, I fucking punched myself in the face. Well, can I ask you, do you think maybe, this is an idea, that you do that as a form of high-tech procrastination? So in other words, because I think I do that sometimes, like I find myself, I don't do this as much anymore, but I'm a little familiar with this area,

because being an actor for so long, and by the way, I had a terrible experience on MADtv. I'm embarrassed by it, I just didn't work that hard, I didn't like being there and all that, same thing. But do you think that when you focus on that, it's a way of sort of giving yourself something to obsess about so that you don't have to face what your potential could be, the kind of work you're doing. Because I think

sometimes we do that. Does that make sense? Yeah, that's interesting. Yeah. It's either that or I torture myself to remind myself not to do it again or whatever. Maybe that's it too. I don't know. Well, what if, like, so I like this idea of asking yourself more helpful questions. Yeah. So right now, you know, when you go into those modes, you're saying, why am I such a piece of shit or whatever it might be. And then they always say you can reprogram your brain in that moment to go, I'm going to change the question. I'm going to say, how can I take this energy and

turn it into something like writing? With a lot, a lot of practice. Well, but that's life, right? It is a lot of practice, but you have to know that it's possible. You have to know that there is a way out. There's a door that you can open. It might be a tough door to get through, but you and I deal with this all the time. You know, we talk about it,

and I think that's really crucial. Do you also accept that you're a human being and you're gonna fail? 100%. Especially when, like, you know, we do this, right? This is not easy, it's not, and you take big risks, you get big rewards, but you also stumble. And it's those times when I'm stumbling

that I have to, like, just be an adult about it and go, dude, it's like, you tried. Part of the process. Yeah, it didn't happen for you. It was a little embarrassing, but at least you went and tried. Yes. But that's why when, you know,'t happen for you. It was a little embarrassing, but at least you went and tried Yeah, but that's that's why when you know when you're a comedian entertainer athlete when you walk in the room everyone goes Ah shit that guy's willing to do what I would never do because the highs are so fucking high

Yeah, and the lows are so so low, but either way you have to risk that in these and you're willing to risk it So when Bobby walks in like every time I see I'm a fuck there's Bobby man. There's Bobby god damn He's funny. You know I'm saying because you're willing to risk that we always talk about how much we failed like he's always been really open about His dreams were to be playing the NFL didn't happen dream was to be a world champion in UFC and worked his ass up I saw it with my own eyes. Training three times a day. Crazy. Then he gets stopped by Travis Brown the first round

and is in the back of that fucking cold room. They stitched his lip, put a needle in his lip, and he's sitting there and he sits down and he goes and he realizes he never was gonna be a world champion. And he starts to cry where his coach, everybody's like, the fuck are we gonna do here? But that realization that I had a mission, I had this grandiose plan. And guess what? I didn't realize it. And I have to walk away not realizing it. Well, yeah, big problem there. But what

when you embrace that, and then you turn it into your own truth, now look at us now. You know, people, everybody out there has had that a moment everybody out there has had those everybody out there has been disappointed fuck about thousand times and maybe Maybe you you when you embrace it and don't beat yourself up about it But yeah, I feel like you're sensitive like I am to things about I was like I'm super sensitive. I'm ultra sensitive It's really sad. I'm sensitive. I am too though. That's why people like I am to things, like I'm super sensitive. I'm ultra sensitive, it's really sad how sensitive I am. Me too, nah I am too though.

That's why I drive people crazy, like Whitney Cummings, I drive her fucking crazy because if I go up on stage and I have an average set, I come off going, you fucking suck. And then like one time she was like, shut the fuck up! Like not in a funny way, like I'm tired of fucking shut up You know and so now I even that I'm aware of like just internalize it Because I drive people crazy with it. You know and you know what and also like these are character defects that I have that

I'm aware of yeah, you're getting better at least. I'm not in denial about it Yeah, I mean, I'm well aware that Some of my fucking things are annoying, you know, but I'm trying to change it But you know, I don't know maybe maybe a sense of dissatisfaction Is almost necessary for being creative because my wife is always I drive her crazy because I'm never Ultimately that happy like I'm always fretting, I can never relax. I know you're the same fucking way. You know what I mean? You guys, when I was talking to you

about my girlfriend, Kalyla, right, like maybe six months ago, when you guys, I mean you guys took this thing, this podcast, and you guys made it into this thing that everyone knows and is aware of. It's like one of the most popular things, right? And in my head, I'm like, finally, you know. Like I don't know you, but I'm happy for you.

But him, I know that he's been through everything. And I was like, God, good for Brian, you know. And, but it's, do you feel different or no? Yeah. By, I have, at 50. I feel different in that. I just so much of my life before this was so precarious. I never had a job I could rely on. And I'm talking about for 21 years, and so much of my life was a failure as an actor. It just was. And and I so I had a lot of disappointment and shame. And you know, then because what

you do is you do the same thing you go I didn't work hard enough. I wasn't disciplined enough. I'm just not talented enough. You go through all these weird things in your head, right. But I knew in my heart that what I've done on stage and what I've done when people aren't looking at in acting or in small parts, I did my job, I knew I had it. But you still feel like you know, I but at the end of the day, I didn't job. I knew I had it, but you still feel like, but at the end of the day, I didn't get the job done for a lot of reasons. Then I get this.

You can't get those things, you can't get those things if you're not talented. You can't get fucking movies and that kind of shit if you're not talented. No, I agree, and I think you're similar to Brian in this way, Bobby, where I think, I mean, Brian should have, not that he's not doing great now with Acting everything but I always said this about Brian

He just need a vehicle and I think you're in the same boat not that you're not killing it There's so much time sometimes I'll see comedians. I'll go on after them or something like that guy is so fucking Talented while seeing an actor. I'm like, how are you not blowing up? They literally just haven't had the right vehicle Maybe something what they they should have went left and they went right maybe they should have went right They should have went left. They should have zagged instead of zip Meeting him like the symbiosis that we have that like we just went on tour and we have such a fucking great time Yeah, it's all just a couple of fucking silly geese being idiots. And my mother, but what he has that I don't have is he's a really good businessman

and he has a fucking athlete's work ethic, right? So you're not, we're doing it twice a week, no matter what, and it's gonna be, and you know, the whole studio, everything about what he does, he's really detail-oriented, I'm fucking not. But my mother said, I didn't tell you, it's my mother, goes, I've been waiting for you to meet somebody like this for a long time

Because it's a perfect relationship. Yeah, you know, we both have the same thing about you. Yeah, really? That's funny So sometimes it's just like you you you meet somebody who has the same standard of excellence, but you motivate each other You know and and you start to see them once you start seeing it grow and you start seeing that the work you're putting in is paying off, then it's not as hard, I guess, you know, then you can, cause you're seeing tangible results, you know, cause I could, I could, I'm going to buy you on the, on the, on the open market. What? Yeah. I'm going to buy you on the open market. I don't give a shit. Cause guess guess who's gonna be my game, but don't get all Or do cry cuz I love fucking Korean boy tears on my dong How's that sound I'll be your game, but don't put me in that little chest thing gonna Because I don't want you to how long you gonna be I'm gonna be in there whatever whatever

You know I mean good you you're at M MWIM yeah I don't suck dick or nothing of course you do of course you do have you ever sucked a dick? no I'm being real. He's being real. Have you ever sucked a dick? open up for him. I mean how do you define sucking a dick? No like a penis in your mouth. I mean there was that time in college. Did you really you I went through a phase where I was gay No, I never have never had a dick in my view Bobby Yeah, you know already no I don't yeah you have yeah I love how honest you're I'm not gay. I know you're not what happened. I mean what set the set the whole scenario Well, oh when I was When I was in high school, okay when I was was nine I got molested by a guy with Down syndrome

Don't laugh I'm not laughing why'd you laugh? I'm just that's fucking rude. It's such a curveball. I know can I just say something? I'm gonna say it again, and if you smile. I'm gonna leave okay If you smile That really fucking no no all right. All right, so give me a second fucking god. I will leave chin chin You can't make a joke in the side. That's his name. All right, but that's not his name. Yeah, what's your name again? Chin chin all right. Give me a second. Don't yeah, give me a second all right I just wasn't ready for that one. I understand. I'm gonna say it again, and if and if you smile I'm gonna leave well. Alright, hold on.

We can't threaten a smile. Just hold on. No, because then you're going to laugh. Don't laugh. Seriously. Get serious. B's opening up here. When I was...

You ready? Don't cover your mouth though. You can't cover your mouth. The thing is that I'm know, I'm telling you something That's like us. It's I'm vulnerable. I know I'm expressing a truth to you Hey, dude, and I get serious if you cover your mouth. I just feel like you're laughing. Nope. Let's do it All right, so when I was nine, I was brutally molested by Okay

You can't say why because that's a curveball Good don't say sir. Look at Chin now. It's not a curveball. Don't say brutally. You had some. Alright, don't add adjectives there. So? Because you fucking... I can't. Why can't I? Every day Bruce Wayne. Oh shit. I'm going to hell. I'm just adding more. Every day? You couldn't avoid them for God's sake? Alright hold on. on. Yeah. All right, let's try it again. Don't just. All right, how about this? How about this? I'm not going to add more information. The information that I have on the table. You expect that and I'm not going to add more. All right. Okay. I'm ready. Hold on. So when I was nine years old, every day for a summer, I was brutally molested by a guy

with Down syndrome. I'm going to let it slide. That was pretty good. I'm not smiling. That was really good. I'm not smiling. Yeah, yeah, that was really good. And I'll tell you why every day.

It's because he, okay, so I lived in Minnesota. People don't know. And you did? Yeah. For eight years. That's land of the blonde giant. Yeah, I know. And you were-

A dine in Minnesota, I lived. And there was a, during the summers there was like a field, but in the winter it's like an ice skating rink. Sure. And there's a shack in this field. So there's a Zamboni, you know what a Zamboni is, right? It cleans the ice. Cleans the ice, makes it all smooth.

Yeah, right. For the hockey. So during the summer there was like a pretty big shack and there was a guy with Down syndrome that lived in it. He was a man? A grown man? Yeah, he was a man. Okay.

And he had candy on these rafters. And he would lure kids in with the candy. Wow. And he wouldn't like, you didn't suck his dick or anything like that, but he was like he would show his penis, right? And then like squeeze your ass. It was like weird, you know? But like I didn't give a fuck about it I just wanted candy kind of candy we talking like the one the dipping ones dipping dots

I love those right so every day, and this is like this is connected to my addiction I'm willing to do anything To get what I want that's interesting right so even as a kid. It's like like I want the candy. Alright this guy's gonna suck this guy's dick. It's bad for me because a guy with Down syndrome is penis is different. Was it? Yeah. Did it look down? I don't really remember but it was just like it did look down. Did it look down he says? These are legit I don't know man. That's why they call them down syndrome Don't play innocent don't play innocent. I was a plan where it was not I'm for real curious. I don't want to show There are people who have children who are down. Let's not let's not you don't know. We're not making fun No, we're not we're not a lot of it. We're not making fun of it. Yeah attention like that, but I'm not a doctor

I'm not a doctor or a scientist, but no It doesn't go down. So you did that for the dipping dots, right? God damn you not giving dogs How did you you threw in dipping? We're all throwing things in here Yeah, yeah, and so he was like if you want that suck this he didn't say it dipping that's why I thought he said dipstick we're all throwing things in here yeah yeah and so he was like if you want that suck this he didn't say it he doesn't talk like that but don't parents raise it that way well that's what happened in a nutshell right so then check this out so then that happened and then when I was 12 I started my parents had my dad is an alcoholic and he has to have this refrigerator in the garage and my mom used to stock it with liquor

And so I just every night would go into the garage and just get drunk even before school That's how more alcoholism started right and then really yeah, so then when I was 17 this actually happened I was at a I was at a recovery center called Ocean View Recovery Center It was in Oceanside, California, and they have this thing called knees to knees So it's basically what you do is you sit in front of your parent and you touch knees on two chairs But then all the other kids his family they're around in a circle around you. It's so embarrassing I'm already embarrassed right my brother was there Was 14 at a time my mom was there my. Your brother can't wait to make fun of you. Well, no, he does, so check this out.

So I'm knees to knees with my dad, and I go, yeah, dad, when I was nine, I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome. And then you can hear his paws in the room, and this is what my dad did. He fucking laughed. And then it made my brother laugh. My brother's like, tears coming down my brother's face

And then my mom sat laughing and then I start laughing and they think that we're fucking just crazy Yeah, but sometimes your bread your dad probably didn't know what to do. He's out of him. What he did what you did earlier Yeah, well, it's it's right. It's such a curveball. It's such a mind. Yeah, you don't know what to do. But yeah Yeah, it does. It's kind of like but so anyway the you don't know what to do. But yeah, yeah it does It's kind of like but so anyway the dicks that's not the dick though. Oh, that wasn't that wasn't the dick No, you just like the down some guys dick on the Zamboni Maybe maybe not. I don't know. Okay, but then after that after that I'm not gonna name names because I still talk to some of these guys, but

You're worried about telling the story now, no, I'm gonna do it but I don't have to say their names I'm not gonna say their names I mean I just had a good no I had a dude that you like a kid that was like popular and then like he would come in and this is what I was drinking like at 12 he would spend the night and then he would go suck my dick and grab my head and make me say this dick. Really? How old were you? I don't know, like five or six times. How old were you? Twelve.

Huh. And you would just do it? Well, I mean, I don't know how good I was. I mean, I was just like, it was a kind of like, I don't know how to do it. I never saw porn at the time. Right. So I guess it's just like, I made this face. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And I did this. Yeah. And I didn't, you know how you're supposed to wrap your lips around the penis? No, I don't. No, I know you don't. Well, no, I don't. I know you don't, but I'm just saying you've seen porn before, right?

Yeah, yeah. So you've seen women give guys blowjobs. Oh, yes, sir. My favorite. I didn't do that. My favorite. I think I just left a guy jagged in a gap. Yeah.

So he felt nothing. Oh. But it was still in my mouth, I think. Right. That counts. Five or six times, honestly. You guys would grab an old cold brew ski. Then he grabbed your hair and make you suck his dick. Yeah Okay, you're gay Let's take a little break kids because this episode the fire kid is brought to you by joy mode listen

Some of y'all got weiner problems. Let's be honest. Let's be frank with each other right now. It's just me and you guys watching this right now. You're alone at your desk. You're alone in your home office and you're having weiner problems and it's not getting up. And you're like, man, I've seen those Rhino 5,000 pills at the gas station. My buddy got a prescription for it. You don't want any of that stuff. There's so many side effects. There's so many issues with that. You don't want a boner for two years. No, that's not what we're talking about. Do it the natural way. Do it in a way that's backed by science. Do it with Joy Mode, the sexual wellness product for bros. They're sexual performance boosters like pre-workout, but for sex. It supports

erection quality and firmness and your sex drive. It's clinically proven to support all of that. All right, it's best in class. Scientists and biochemists with PhDs, they all got together, said, how can we do this the healthy way? How can we do it the right way? And they came up with Joy Mode. It is fantastic.

There's so many benefits to it. Just general erectile function, blood vessel, cardiovascular, athletic performance, healthy blood pressure. Why not give it a shot? You open up the little packet, mix in some water, you down that thing 45 minutes to four hours before you get with your lady or your mans, and you're ready to go. So supercharge your wiener. All right. So if you're ready to spice things up in the bedroom and boost your sexual performance and do it naturally with all the nasty prescription drugs we have a special offer for you guys go to usejoymode.com slash fighter enter the code fighter at checkout for 20% off

your first order that's usejoymode.com slash fighter for 20% off your first order thanks joy mode Do you speak Korean? I speak a little Korean. Do you know this crazy guy? This crazy guy. He's a fool. Look at his face. Look at his face. He looks like Jessica Tandy. Hey!

Do you know Jessica Tandy? He looks like Jessica Tandy. Yeah, it's rolling. Hey, hey Get your get my phone Get your get your fucking get the can the mic in front of your face, and what is it where it's there the sexiest man alive I need ears. I need ears. You don't need ears, dude. We don't have cans here. Just just listen I need cans. Give me the ear. No, you're not getting yourself now, what were you saying? And what were you saying in Korean? Tell me right now? I was saying that I go I just looked at Ching Chung over here and I said, hey That's so offensive. You're a chain. I can say anything like that toward him because we have the connection Yeah, okay. Okay, like I can call Brian Cracker.

Yeah, you can do that. It doesn't feel bad. You know what it feels, but you know where Cracker comes from though? Do you know what's from slaves cracking the whip? I edited it really on that. Black people called the white man crackers cause they would hit him and crack.

I always thought it had to do with the actual food. The whip would crack the food. A cracker. It's not even offensive that we need better words for our own lives Yeah, because I sure that's why huh is that what it is. I don't know dude. Yeah, but we can face gook over here though With his flat face Magoo No, no, no, no. Bobby had so. I have this flat-faced Magoo. Jesus Christ, Bobby.

Can I call him flat-faced Magoo? No, not on our show. Flat-faced Magoo right here. Bobby, please. This guy in every Vietnam movie is the first one to die. This guy right here is the one in Platoon where he was, remember?

He was hopping like this in the hut, right? Yeah. And Kevin Do was like, ehh! Oh, yeah. And this little man, that's him. This fucking asshole loser. No, no, don't say that. No, I love him.

Thanks for, oh, that's him. That's him. Asshole loser. No, no, don't say that. No, I love him. Thanks, that's when let me start off with my opening monologue that I wrote on the drive over here, if you don't mind. This is why you're the 500th guest. We wanted to be the guest. If you don't mind, may I open up with a monologue? Please do.

500th episode of this. Please do. Here we go. Really? So, you know, I'm a kind of sooner or sooner. I have to go. Sorry. I'm gonna say this, Ching Chung.

I just wrote this, right? I would love some like, support, some ethnic support. We're outnumbered, Brian. We're outnumbered. Two to three. She's Asian as well. Yes. Three chings versus two whites.

When Asians move into your neighborhood, the neighborhood gets better. They do. They really do. It gets cleaner and better and more organized. So can I finish my monologue or what? Go ahead. Please don't laugh. Okay?

So I enjoy great works of art. You know, Sistine Chapel. Of course. Beautiful. I've been to the Great Wall. I know the Great Wall isn't a piece of artwork, but it is a man-made achievement. Yeah, be able to keep the Mongols out. Yes, all right.

I love going to museums and I love seeing beautiful, even albums like, an album like Sush and Peppers. Sure, Beatles, yeah. And you know, over the years, I haven't really seen great art until this weekend. And I bought tickets to see a movie called Joker and I

Saw an actor in that movie do the best Back acting work now. It just does I'm gonna finish careful. Let me finish my my walk. I Can you okay, this is the screen I can you okay this is the screen okay this is the screen right here okay yeah and when you can act only having this much of your face in a screen also just think of this though in a split second so this is this is only on the screen for a split second Bobby so this is what you see, right? Like this way. Okay, Bobby. That's it. Right, right. That's the amount, right?

And this, and the acting in this second, I stood up in the theater. And I go, give him the Oscar! No, you didn't say that. No, you know what I said? I'll be honest with you. I stood up and I said loser. And I turned to everyone in the theater and I go, I don't know him! Bobby!

In fact, I told you this earlier when he was in the theater, I don't know him. Bobby. In fact, I told you this earlier when he was in the bathroom, right? My girlfriend's niece from the Philippines, right? Was in the theater. She's kind of retarded. Okay. When we heard your voice on, Kaleida goes, hey, to Denise.

Bobby, no, that's your friend. You know what I said to Denise? I don't know him. Hey, listen. I don't know hey listen I don't know all right listen this is your being super shitty this is a big opportunity for you it's not a big opportunity it's a big movie it's a big movie you're both being shit my mom texts me I went she goes I'm gonna see the joke she was I'm excited you know she loves you yeah I'm see excited to see bride like no doubt mom three hours later she goes, I'm gonna see the joke. She goes, I'm excited. You know she loves you. She goes, I'm excited to see Bry. I'm like, no doubt, mom.

Three hours later, she goes, oh, I didn't see Bry. Yeah. Are you even on the call sheet when you're that like, is there like, does it go to a thousand, the call sheet, and then after a thousand? I got a call, I got a call. He was out there for a while, too. I was out there, I got a call,

and I was out there for four, that took four days, by the way. Four days, we had to stop filming. I was out there for a, that took four days by the way. Four days, nonstop filming. And Todd was like, hey, just come out and do this little part. I do anything he tells me, because I love him. But you do get to a point in your life where you're like, that's not a, that's a,

and I was treated like such an extra. I was walking around. Yeah, I love it. I love it. I'm walking around. It's my favorite line. And I'm going, I'm like, where is the, where's the food, and I'm going, I'm like, I'm like, where is the food?

I was like, I'm used to being an actor and people kissing my ass a little bit. Yeah, yeah. And the guy goes like, he goes, wrong way, you. He went like, just like a plane. I was like, I had a wig on, I'm both, I have no shirt, tight capizio pants, and shit shoes. And I'm like, I had a wig on, I'm both like, no shirt, tight capizio pants and shit shoes. And I'm like, I'm just like, okay,

here I am in New York in an old textile, a rug making factory. Like, okay, I'm just, and on top of that, Joaquin Phoenix wouldn't look in my direction. Not hello, goodbye, wouldn't look in my direction. Cause you know, he's a, he's an actor. And I was just like, oh my God. And then Todd was like, thank you for coming in

and doing this small part. You're the best. I was like, anything for you, which is true. I'll do anything for him, so I don't care. You know, I did a little Davy Spade's, little Davy Spade, you know little Davy Spade? Yeah, I know Davy Spade. I did a little Davy Spade's movie

or in the summer, which was called Miss Something, I forgot. But he goes, it's one line. And I go, oh, where is it? Hawaii. Oh. And I go, I don't want, I know. That's gonna be tough.

Yeah. And he goes, you're doing it. I don't want one line, I don't want, right? And then he just, he's such a a nice guy so I just said he goes Adam's gonna be there, Wright's Handler and I show up and it was the worst acting it was so hard. Yeah. I had one line that's welcomed like okay let me lose you feel like a fool. You guys have been in the business for it. Yeah and you're in the background. I knew this was gonna be the case with the Joker. I knew this.

I knew it was going to be like that. I've just been doing it too long. I was like, well, all right, I'll do it. It's okay. It's worth it. I did a movie in Thailand and the AD came up to me three days in and said, you're still here. And I hadn't worked in three days.

So I've been there where no one knows what you're doing there Yeah, you're in a stable. Yeah with a thousand thousand other one of these ching chings, right? Yeah, and you're all yeah, it sucks No, I won't do it. The only time I'll do it is if it's Todd because I love him and he's a genius Yeah, of course. Hey, remember that time went to that movie premiere and we thought you were gonna be in it Oh, we both got dressed up. We're sitting the theater. Oh thought you were gonna be in it. We both got dressed up. And then we're sitting in the theater. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. We have that one short scene. That was in the Kevin Hart movie. It was not about last night. Yeah, it was about last night. Was it about last night? Hilarious, yeah. And you got cut out of it.

They're like, oh. I'm like, oh. You got cut out of it? Oh, well, you know, you're not, you're not, you don't matter. I know. They can replace you in any, here's- They're not thinking about it.

Frank Grillo, Frank Grillo. This was when he was, this was, I'll tell was I'll take that this was 15 16 years ago and Frank Frank and I we'd see each other auditions banging out, you know TV here and there Frank and soap opera sank was doing Frank would do like a series it wouldn't go Then he wouldn't work for a long time. It's like anything else. So We're watching the Godfather or something and I said to him, I go, I remember I said, how cool would it be to be in a big movie?

Imagine being in a big movie, like that, just acting and getting a real part. And he goes, I did, I got one, dude. And I go, you did? And he goes, I just booked a movie with Tom Cruise, Steven Spielberg, and I was like, what? And he goes, it's called Minority Report. I love that one.

And I go, what? And he was like, dude, I'm going, I'm going to be gone for two months. And back then, you have to understand, that's the biggest thing, that's so, that's like, you made it. Like, what? Here we go.

Here we go. Yeah, yeah. Here we fucking go, because now you're no longer a TV guy. Because TV and film, two different businesses. Yeah, it we go. Yeah, yeah. Here we fucking go, because now you're no longer a TV guy. Because TV and film, two different businesses. Yeah. Especially right then, yeah. Yeah, you're in, exactly. But even back in the 80s when somebody said,

I got booked as a series regular on a sitcom, you would go, oh. You're set. Your reaction would be, oh, you want me to suck your dick? No, no, yeah, yeah. Like, I would be so impressed by it, because it would be a life change. Correct, you went from making no money to being able to buy a house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I would be so impressed by it because it would be a life change. Correct me, correct me, correct me. You went from making no money to being able to buy a house.

Yeah, it's insane. But now what would, there's nothing really the equivalent of that, right? Nothing. There's nothing. So, so, so, so Frank, so Frank is- Right? Yeah. What?

This podcast thing. Yeah, doing something like a podcast. If you have a large podcast. Yeah, it happened for you. It happened for you. Yeah. But it takes- I don't know why I happened for you. It happened for you. But it takes, I don't know why I said it twice. It happened for you, for you.

But that as a thing when you're recording. This takes a while. It's not like when we started the podcast, especially your group of friends who are actors and professionals in Hollywood, when you started the podcast, I'm like, oh, you made it. No. Because everybody can do a podcast.

Everybody was making fun of me for starting a podcast. I was made fun of. I know you were. I was literally like, they were like, oh you made it. Because everybody was making fun of me for starting a podcast. I was made fun of. I know you were. I was literally like, they were like, what are you doing with this bullshit podcasting? Now, so Frank, so Frank, back to Frank. So he's gone for like two months. It's the biggest coup in the world.

I go to the premiere with my girl. And I'm like, I'm gonna see my boy in Tom Cruise movie. This is huge. And he was acting with him. He had scenes, everything. I was like, what do he like, asking him questions. You don't know this, when you're in a movie, you don't know this, that this happens to you

if you're a supporting actor. How does your agent not know? He doesn't see the cut. No one gives you a heads up? Nobody sees the final cut. You don't know this, so he gets to the movie, I get to the movie, and I'm like, where's Frank? Where's Frank?

Where's Frank? Where's Frank? And you see him lean over a banister in a mall. You see him lean over a banister in a mall. He's wearing a cop helmet and he turns like this and goes, that's all he did. There's no line. He just went, no. Like that.

He goes, I don't know. And I went, oh no. Were you sitting next to Frank? No, I wasn't. Has that happened to you? If you were, no. Like that. He goes, I don't know. And I went, I went, oh no. Were you sitting next to Frank? No, I wasn't. Has that happened to you? If you were, oh, worse things. Adrian Brody had that happen to him. Worse things?

Oh, I had a worst thing happen to me, personally. All right, so I get a call. The Billboard Awards is doing a thing with, you know, who's that guy from the, I know his name is, he's one of the kings of comedy. He named me think me? No Skinny Harvey the skinny well who you going to him? Yeah, so do you think he's very talented by the way? I'm a big fan. I like I like No, you're now I just fucked up I've always liked that guy

So they go I go what they want me to do they want you to dress up as Kim Jong-un nice guy. So they go, I go, what do they want me to do? They want you to dress up as Kim Jong-un and sit in the audience and do what? And they're like, we're gonna re-bring a special effects team and we're gonna make you look just like him. I go, cool, but what do I do? DL will point you out in the audience and then we wrote this deal where you guys have to riff back and forth right and so I show up at rehearsal he's not there right so I go but he's not here and they go we know he will be he knows yeah but he he did it with everyone else and I've been here the whole time he didn't do with me yeah he had to do something but he's fine So I spent like six hours in prosthetic makeup. Yeah.

Right, my manager is, I don't know how, but she got a seat directly behind me. Why, this is the best. And this is like, before this, she'll think, oh, listen, it works the best if you stay in character from beginning to end. I go, okay, and they go, even if people talk to you, you just say you're Kim Jong-un.

Okay. So I'm sitting there. Full makeup. Already so depressing. But also I could feel, I could feel the sweat building up inside the cheek prosthetics. So uncomfortable. Right. So it's building up, right? Every time we do you hear, And just so you guys know, they glue it on there. They glue it on. They paint you with

surgical glue. Right. And then put this plastic on your face. It's the worst. It's not exactly breathable. Yeah. And they don't know you. So you're the first one they added on and you're the last one they take it off. Right. So I'm sitting there and then DLQ, I know exactly what he does for us to get into this thing. And he's going into the thing, and I'm sitting there like this going, okay, okay, and he doesn't do it. He doesn't do it. So I'm sitting there like this,

like I'm bobbing, as he keeps talking, he's not doing it. And I'm sitting there like this. And then he goes to a commercial break. Right? And I'm sitting there waving like this, and I'm going, oh, I think he forgot. Right forgot right right and then all of a sudden my bullshit manager who I'm still with fuck her she's like this she's whispering that for three hours

right so I'm sitting there the whole time like this now if they had a camera on me from before and after I wish they had that because before it was like this but then it was like Three hours of you see like this looking at people going with the fuck right? Right and then oh my god, it's in Vegas, too. So I'm not even in LA Right, so I remember like getting the shit off and like the producers going with we don't know what happened You know me and it goes nothing nothing. I'm not on it Like no, you didn't even have a camera on you really Did you pay for there's like 800

I mean, there's so many of those like show business, like nightmarish things that happen in your career, but you, you don't quit, right? And then eventually you get things that people do see. Jamie Foxx has a story about it. There's no, there's no record of that. record of that, I'd love to see you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no record of it. Jamie Foxx, I think it was him talking about how, or I heard this, I don't know if, he did a stand-up thing for Robert De Niro's birthday.

Recently? At a dinner. Recently? It was like a dinner, no, it was a while back, and he was supposed to do comedy, I think it was him, and he just ate all the dicks. All the dicks. He starts roasting dinner and dinner and it's like this,

and I'm going like this. Nothing is there. I don't do it. I won't do corporate gigs anymore. Oh yeah, I won't do it. I won't. Remember when you did though? You sent me the video, you're like,

oh dude, look at this. I was like, oh hell no. No. Theo, Theo goes, Aiden, Christmas party, let's do it at some billionaire's house. No. Every single day since that happened, I think about that show.

Every single day. I'll drive down the street. How long ago was it? And I'll think about it and I'll go, oh! Cause you cringe. How long ago was it? Last Christmas. What? Yeah, I haven't really talked to him, oh. Cause you cringe. How long ago was it? Last Christmas. What?

Yeah. I haven't really talked to him since then. The big, what happened? He was a billionaire's house. And then, you know, that little, almost something racist came out. Something racist came out almost. You're in the safe zone. And I want to correct, no, this is not the, don't.

You're in the safe zone. There are no more safe zones. This is not the safe zone. This is it? This is not. I would have lost all my jobs if it wasn't. I know. So he hangs out with this very talented young man but a name Ari.

You know him? I know Ari, his opener. Yes. Yes. He's Jewish, right? He's Jewish, yes. That's right. It has nothing to do with anything.

In the story. Okay. FYI, I shouldn't even said it. All right. Yeah, that's nothing to do with anything The story okay, FYI I shouldn't even said it. All right, so he hangs out with a very talented young man And this kid, you know, he's one of those guys He hangs out the store for years and how you know how you're in conversation with like You know with a comic that you've been friends with for 20 years. Yeah, and there's a guy this kind of like Standing there around he's not with anybody

He's kind of in the conversation, but you don't fucking know him and he's just kind of standing there doing this You know me and then all of a sudden you have to include them Oh, man, right your name is Ari, right? Don't you think and then they add and then they're your friend all of a sudden Just because you have to work in this environment right right this fucking guy goes up before me and destroys This guy Ari right I'm Nats. I'm like yeah, this guy's killing. I'm gonna destroy this fucking thing I Bombed so bad that I see Theo go like this I've met and it's he's so far away, and he does this he looks at the I see Theo go like this. And he's so far away and he does this.

He looks at the stage and Theo goes like this. Like I've never seen anyone shake their head from a mile away. You see his mohs. And I just saw his every face, he's like, nah man, get out. It's not working. So it was the three of you.

Yeah, it did not work. How did Theo do? He killed. And it went well. Because he did. You're the only one that didn't do well. Oh no do I know Ari? Who are you talking about? You know Ari. He works at the camera store. Yeah Ari what's his last name? We gotta figure it out. I don't know. Yeah it's some Jewish. Not Shaffer. No. We're not talking about that Ari. Ari Mannes right? That's it. That's right. Ari Mannes yeah yeah. He's a beast. But do you know, you go through all these nightmares in your, I have like 50 nightmares that I have in rotation in my brain. That one's there.

Right, and it's constantly in this playlist. Yeah, man. And I torture myself. Well, we all do to an extent. It's terrible. But you know, it's like, sometimes you just have cringe-worthy moments. Was it just- And cringe-worthy hours.

I did stand up in London, in a tent. And I got, I did. Hey, the best part about this is like, you can't just get off. Like you gotta power through it. Do you know that nobody laughed? And no one, because not only could they not hear me,

I also was trying stuff. I was just bad. And then some woman goes, she looked at me and she goes, don't take this the wrong way, but you're very American. I said, oh, she's just so big and loud. And I was like, oh, okay. And then I had sex with a, I never forgot, I had sex with a girl who worked in the stables there,

and she had an amazing body, but I've never seen a face like this. It could stop a clock. She had the kind of teeth, the joke is, she had the kind of teeth, her teeth were so bad that if I threw an apple at her face, it would stick. Like that was the joke. Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean. She had a great body, I had a great time with her. All right, that's too much. So here's the thing. I don't know how that. I mean, I don't even. She had a great body. I had a great time with her.

All right, that's too much. So here's the thing. All right, I don't know how that. I mean, I don't even know why we went there. I don't know why, yeah, okay. But there was that. So you bombed and fucked it worse. I bombed so bad. I bombed, but bombed like, oh, and then I did a corporate gig.

First time I made a lot of money for a corporate gig, my buddy Jimmy Burke set me up. Again, at a pool at four in the afternoon, outside on a makeshift stage, I start trying to do jokes, and I'm not kidding, five minutes in, because it was just so bad, the guy, Lou goes, Bri, right in front of me, he's on the side of the, he goes,

Bri, right pool side, right, wrap it up. Right, wrap it up. Where were we? Hey, do you remember, it might have been the same Tripoli show, I forget. But it was at a hotel, but it was at a club, and it was outside, but they're serving hors d'oeuvres. No one's really paying attention, and all the cops going up everyone's eating shit. Yeah, everyone's eating shit

Then you went up in crust you remember that I was like six or seven years ago. Remember that I can't remember It was somewhere off Sunset at a whole I'm pretty sure it's Sam show Yeah, well it might have been but there's also like a bunch of weird girls there. Remember that But there's also like a bunch of weird girls there, remember that? No. They were handing out like food and stuff? Yeah. I think that was in a hotel. Yes, that was in a fucking, yes, that was in a hotel.

That was, and people were dying, they were eating shit. Oh my god, it was awful. But when I see that I get mad, I'm gonna do well after, when I see one soldier falling after another, if I'm falling down, I'm gonna do well. Because sometimes you get mad and you're like, all right, fuckers. Look at you now though.

Yeah, I mean you get mad and then like your resentment, that's another thing that I had to change about my act as a performer. Is if I was bombing, I think you've even said things to me. Because I used to remember I used to lash out. Even I used to do well and think I was not doing well. You've always crushed it. You've always crushed. You're one of the funniest people ever.

Yeah, but here's the problem. Because I can't believe you don't have a special. If you would have got off, oh, I'm driving me nuts. If you would have got off stage and every time went, oh, I crush, then I can be Bobby Lee, you know? Yeah. If you would have got off, oh, it drives me nuts. If you would have got off stage and every time went, oh, I crush, then you're not going to be Bobby Lee, you know? Yeah. The people that get off stage every time are going, oh, I crush.

But you don't write much, right? You're not a big writer. I love this guy. I love what he's doing right now. No, because I think you're one of the best. You're part of what you're doing with Rogan and all those guys doing, I love it. You're one of the best.

You're a part of that whole. We want more songs. You're Led Zeppelin. I want more from Zeppelin. Yeah, Skinner made one song. Free Bird. Pretty great song. Great song.

I'll just do it every day. You know, it's so funny. I've never, ever gotten tired of watching it. Ever. It's funny that you say that. You make me laugh every time I sit and watch. Yeah, my career's not over. My career's not over.

I want more songs. My career's over. It's not dying. I want more songs. It's not dying. I'm not dying, number one. And also, number two, is this year, at at my age is the most money, the most everything I've ever done is this year.

It gets better and better, right? And there are people, bullies like you, right? These are fucking comedy bullies like you. You, I'll just throw it out there right now. You, right? Joe Rogan. Yeah. Mark is a little bit like that. Mark. little bit. Okay to me. Oh, okay. Yeah you

You're definitely me again. I know and when I should we throw it to me when I used to see you back in the day I used to feel joy why now it's kind of dread No, no, no a little bit when I see you like what did I run into the other day? Cuz I'm a bull at the store cuz I'm a bully. Yeah, I get scared Like you're gonna bull me into something. And you and Rogan, and I'm, you know what? That's why I'm here. That is, don't get nervous, friend.

Because when I shoot up to school, you're not on the list. No, yes. I am though. First guy. You're the only guy, only guy. Bro, I would shoot you 300 times in just your stupid fucking face that you I just Saw a joker no cuz my career. That's all you'd hear your career is on my career

Your career is a mate dude your career is the reason why I'm here You just made fun of my fucking performance I know because I'm kidding to be a part of like you know you're kind of a bully too You fucking didn't return my he didn't return my attacks, and then you returned mine. Yeah, oh you want me to tell you what he said? So brian we we need a special guest for the 500th episode, right? And so we're trying to do it. I text him twice nothing and I went bobby lee would be perfect guest for this big episode. Yeah It doesn't seem special though There's like streamers or there's no extra like a little thing. Well, we have something

Well, we'll see the the shows not open. I'm gonna bow. So I put yo job you around this coming Wednesday We're doing the 500th episode fighting the kid once you be a guest, please and he put I'm in I don't respond to Brian because he's an old See you Wednesday to brine because he's an old. See you Wednesday. Yeah. We have to bleep out. Those two words.

Now, now hold on. You know, it's, uh, do you have, I never did that. Oh my God. You got caught. And now you're embarrassed. I never did that, man. And you're a bro, bro. Bro.

That wasn't my tax, right? That wasn't you. No, that was, that was actually so pretending to be Bobby Lee. You're a bully, dude. You're the comedy bully. Oh, you think I am? That's impossible.

How could I bully anybody? I'm not an alpha male. Well. I like the 50 shades of red, though. I have no muscles on my body. You've seen my body? Yeah. What? What do you mean? No, I'm not. I know. What do you mean? I know. I know. You know what? You know what's so funny?

What? This is great. Dude, I'm glad we're here. Ching chong. Okay. Right. I'm so glad we're here. We can really just kind of get it out. We can get it all out there. Yeah, let's get it. Because I honestly, and I'm not even, this is not even a bit. I feel tension with you guys. No. Yeah, that's good because I honestly and I'm not even this is not even a bit. I feel Tension with you guys. No. Yeah a little bit. Yeah. No you give my girlfriend fuck eyes Well, do well hate to say this everyone gives your girlfriend fuck guys Hey, come on take it easy stop giving him you're giving him serious eyes now You're giving an accusation eyes My body just shut down. I don't like it.

Dude, dude. You did a hot chick. I have to do a hard restart. I have to do a hard restart. Control all three, Bobby. Control all three, brother. Yeah, yeah. I got to do a hard restart because you almost died just now.

I felt that. But here's the thing, though. That's like getting mad that you drive a Ferrari and people look at it. Yeah. You don't let sign up drive Ferrari. Also girls, girls want to mate with Shob. That's your smart. Girls want to mate with Shob and their instinct,

their instinct a lot of times they see giant, the giant. Yeah, yeah. He's dressed like candy. Yeah, yeah. Oh, he's shiny and he's cute. I want to have sex with him. Yeah, Shob has, that's true. Right?

But Shob has an interesting thing. You have... Be cool, man. Has that's true, right? But shop has an interesting thing you have Be cool man, honestly does does he have a thing in this car a blue thing Though you can park anywhere. Oh Does he have one of those it's called a handicap I don't want to say that because they got one of those Nope, okay, but I just part way. I know what you're saying. I know what you're fucking saying Oh, you this is so fucking me. What am I saying? You said you're suggesting that he has he has a learning problem that he looks like he's he's a little bit mentally challenged Really? That's what you fucking because you looked at him and you go your your face

And why is your voice getting high? No, that's where you go with this you looked at him and you go your face or something. I didn't see that. Why is your voice getting high? No, that's where you're going with this thing. Where were you going with it? What? What did you mean by hand? You think I'm missing a little bit of a... Dude, I'll tell you why. Can I tell you why?

You can. And I never said this. No, you can. Oh, I know what it is. He looks like George from Mice and Men. Yes. No, Lenny. Yeah, Lenny.

I killed the rabbits. It's any white dude that size with that big of a head I killed the run when you say when you say a Brandon and he turns around and his eyes do this a little bit And you're like, oh, there's something wrong like a couple of things. Yeah Dude that's not nice. Let's call Let's call up your girl. See what she thinks Dude, that's not nice. Let's call up your girl. That's not nice.

Let's call up your girl, see what she thinks. Fucking big old people. Dude, let's. Why do they talk like this? Let's call up your girl, see what she thinks. Let's call up your girl. You fuck my girl? No, dude.

What, you fuck my girl? No, wait, Bobby. Bobby, Bobby. You fuck my girl? Bobby, take it easy, no. You fuck my girl? No, Bobby, no. You fuck my girl?

No. Shobgate, Shobgate. Fuck, dude. Oh, sorry, man. Sorry, dude, you've. Bobby, but you don't have tension with me. You asked for it, man. Why, you don't have tension with me. You asked for it man.

You don't have tension with me. You should be more worried about Brian around your girl than me. I'm not really, I'm not really, like you, I look at you like I look at Rogan now and I look at Bill Burr maybe. Why what do you mean? Just like you know I'm standoffish a little bit, like a little distance. That's not true. Can't trust him.

Why because I'm successful. How long, how long, yeah. That bullshit. Yeah your distance. That's not true. Can't trust him. Why? Because I'm successful. How long, yeah. That bullshit. Yeah, your success. That's such bullshit. I've never thought that in my life.

Yeah. You're a star of your own show now. So what? I don't feel like a success. And I saw the numbers yesterday. Pretty good. 09, 1.0. Yeah, we do well.

Yeah. The GoBirds are... Damn, you've been... Splitting up, you know, the show I was on, we opened with a two seven. Damn. Then what happened? Then, you know, Roseanne's called that lady from, well, was it?

Planet of the Apes. Something like that, which was wrong. And then she got fired off of Roseanne, and then the Conners dipped because we followed them. And then now we were canceled. That was ABC. Was that ABC? Yeah.

Thanks, Roseanne. And it's so funny because the two years I was on it, you never even said anything. I didn't, I don't watch TV. I don't watch my own show, Bobby. How did you find out it was canceled, Bobby? Did you know it was happening? Yeah, I live on planet earth.

I mean, I have all the devices. Oh, so you knew it was headed that way. Yeah, I also have agents and stuff. They text you, it doesn't look good buddy. Well Brian didn't know he was in The Joker. School tonight at 8.30 on ABC. What? Oh man, that is dirty. What? Where you guys shoot? Warner Brothers? Where you guys shoot?

No, Sony. Sony? Yeah, yeah. So close to me. This show's good and you're very funny in it and congratulations Well, thank you and you'd be a great you want to show thanks for having mom by the way. I won't do it Thanks for having I swear to God. I'll recommend you. I don't want to do it. Do you want to keep doing TV Bobby? Yeah, I just was I'm doing Magnum right now. I'm doing a reoccurring on that which is fucking working all the time PI

Is there another Mac? Wait, I know I know you know what like wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait He's not Lenny. I thought they canceled Magnum P.I. Okay, I thought I got canceled too. They did, they canceled it in the 70s when it was a show. And now it's back. But there's a new one. No idea. Who's Magnum? Who's Magnum?

Who's the new Magnum? Jay Hernandez. Oh. You don't know Jay? Let me see, bring him up. He works a lot. And he's a nice guy. You work a lot.

What are you playing on the show? Kim Jong-un? That's the, okay. So I brought up that little. Do you work a lot. Are you what are you playing on the show? Kim Jong-il? Jen, that's okay. So I brought up you play a ninja That's a handsome son. He doesn't have a mustache though. Oh He's from good-looking dude. Oh, he's Using suicide suicide squad. He's the flame guy. Not only that he was in Friday night lights, you, a bunch of shit. Now he's, now he's, uh, he's Tom Selleck.

He playing, he's, he's a magnum. And I want to say this is that when I go to Hawaii and I shoot that show, you're, you have to shoot for two weeks by the way, cause it's like, you know, in Hawaii, 10, 11 days in Hawaii. How is Hawaii? Yeah. You don't, you're not a beach guy. I love it.

Because I've been there for so long. I've been there doing the show, and I love him so much. I love the cast so much that that's why I go over there. He's a great guy. He's just not great. You know what it is? Because he's friends with Ike Barinholtz too.

You know Ike. Yeah. And he's just, it doesn't seem like he's, he knows that he's the number one on the call chain. He acts like he's just a gripper. Does the show do well? I think it does well in Europe. I don't think it does well in the States,

but it doesn't matter. There I am, there I am right there. See? And I have a fake mustache in the show. You know what I mean? See? But anyway, I've been doing that. It's been fun, you know what I mean? See? But anyway, I've been doing that. It's been fun, you know what I mean?

So, you know, splitting up together got canceled. I'm doing that. Tiger was sewing. My dad died. You know, it's so funny because out of every... Oh yeah, that's why I'm here. Back up. Turn that off. Man, he's going hard on the thing. I'm going hard on the thing. It's 500. I gotta go hard.

So, this is about honesty. It's 500. 500, I gotta go hard. So this is about honesty. It's about honesty and being real. Fleshing out some issues. You stop buying this girl. You stop thinking I'm so successful and amazing. And be, I don't think that. You bully. I don't think that, I don't think that.

But no, he came on because you and Logan bully. I do shove you around the hallway a little bit sometimes. A lot. Okay. You get really physical. And then you'll come up and you'll grab the neck. And you'll do Muay Thai lunges to my throat or my chest region But I like when I'm talking to like agents or something important, but it makes me look foolish

But I'm gonna say this Brian's we're gonna show this as Fighters Club. So let's just acknowledge that Hey, I came to this I knew it was gonna bother you I showed up with my what my my I got a bunch of stuff from Eight Man Strong. Yeah. Because CB Dalloway, that's his company. Yes. And it says Eight Man Strong. And I knew, and I walked in with a T-shirt, a sweatshirt that says Eight Man Strong.

You got roasted pretty hard. He would be like, he was like, that bothers me. Don't walk around like that. Cause, and you actually physically grabbed me. I did. Anyway, my dad- He bullies me the way I bully you. Anyway, my dad died.

Oh boy. Okay. Didn't I send you a nice text and it's funny because I you know I go into the dad dying and then you guys go into this little side like, you know Sorry, you know Seinfeld kind of like dialogue piece. Sorry. Sorry, dude fucking crazy talk. Sorry, man But I want to say is that out of all my friend. Okay. He's so when I posted that my dad died Kristal Ea was the very first person out of anyone to get a hold of me, aside from my girlfriend. So I want everyone.

But I texted you. True or false? It is true. But can I say this? Yeah. It wasn't enough. Well, dude, I don't know if to call somebody when that happens, I don't know how grief

you should have went over his house. Am I not? Chin chong? Yes. Can we? Let's get real. Let's get Korean. Is that enough?

To me? No. Yeah, me. He should have came over the house. I don't know what to do in that situation. I like moist cakes. Man. Don't we love moist cakes with a little fruit inside?

I didn't know where you were. I like to see the peach. There's a full peach in there. Oh my God, how do they do that? Right? I like that. I heard it second hand. What you did was, you know what?

And you know what that taught me? What? It showed me that we're not really that close. And it's fine. It's fine. I don't wanna be close with you. No, no, no, hold on. I don't wanna be close with you.

You can't use your dad dying. You? Nothing! I had no idea. Not, you had no idea too. I had no idea. I had no idea. I didn't see it. I had no idea. No one told me. Wait, wait, Bobby show Brandon show Brandon for real. Yeah. So Bobby's in his car. I said, dude, I'm sorry about your dad. How'd you how'd you find out? I heard it from somebody and I saw I said I sent him a text. I was on the road, I didn't know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait, wait, hold on. This is really, this is really. So, I've talked about this a couple times now. Probably 10 times. Bobby's in his car and he goes, this is, you wanna see something really disturbing. And he showed me one of the most beautiful pictures,

I'm not kidding, I've ever seen in my life. One of the most powerful pictures I've ever seen in my life. This is the moment his father died Okay, hold on. Let me just set it up. Okay his mother who's been with him for how long? For how long Bobby? My mother's been there for with her ever 52 years 52 years now take a look at this ready for this picture. It's

So powerful. Are you a man? It's so powerful. So this is which one do you want the group photo or the one that's I want the one where your brother, your brother, your mom. This is the moment my my my dad died. Ready? I want to show it on the screen. I don't want to. OK. Yeah, that's why. Because it's personal. It's beautiful.

It's one of the most powerful pictures I've ever seen. Oh, wow, dang. Look at that. That's your brother in the back? It's so incredible though, cause she's looking down at him, and this is somebody she's been with for 52 fucking years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for bringing.

It's sad for sure. It's sad. It's sad, you know what the worst was? Cause I was at that dog house, the chili dog place over there. Yeah. And I was eating that dog house, the chili dog place over there. And I was eating chili dogs. I should not because I'm going to get diabetes.

You have high blood pressure, right? My body is all fucked up. I might not make it. But I was about to chew into the first hot dog, you know? And then my mom called and she said, you have to come now, you have to come now. In Phoenix. In Phoenix. In Phoenix.

So my brother, I call my brother, and I get tickets and we fly over there. And so when we walk into the hospice, my dad was completely like, conscious. And he knew, when I walked in, you could tell his face changed. Yeah. You know, he cried a little bit,

and he became happy because he knew I was there, and my brother and I weren't there. And then the lady comes in and she goes, okay, I just want to let you guys know that. And so when we saw my dad, we thought, oh, he's not sick. He's like normal. He's there, yeah.

But then the hospice, they go, we have to stop feeding him because his chest and his stomach is infected, so we can't feed him anymore. And then once they said that, my brother freaked the fuck out. Yeah, it's the end. He said, what do you mean?

He got mad. Yeah, in the room. He goes, what do you mean? And I pulled him, stayed backstage, just, you know, how is he gonna live with you if you don't feed him? Right, doing that whole thing, right? And so then now, and my mom's hysterical, so now I'm there, I'm the oldest,

I'm the one that makes most of the money. All right, Bobby, why are you looking over at change? It's not about that right now. I know it's not about that right now, but I had to just show everyone that dominance. You looked at the only Korean in the room, so there's some kind of cultural. Because he gets it, because he gets it,

you don't get it. Your number one son. He provides for the family. You don't get it, you doofus piece of shit You know what also what was a shirt I was at oh, yeah, I was in Portland Doing a show and the front row four dudes with the fuck a shirt Yeah, right say fire And I said I screened it everyone I go

You know me like those are demon wear there I was I like your clothes thanks was I even saying Oh, so your brother gets pissed. Oh, yes. Oh my dad. Yes, I might and then uh, so now I'm the Korean guy I have to be on the oldest so I have to stay, keep it together. But the next seven days was the worst seven. It's like, you go there, I was on Monday, and then Thursday was where I was like, to my brother, I was like, I can't even go there. Because it was sad?

Dude, it's three in the morning, my brother goes, I'm gonna stay there all night, every night, to the hospital. That's my brother. Four in the morning, my brother's showing me photos of my dad staring at the ceiling. Yeah. But then doing this, like he's hallucinating.

Why are you laughing? I'm not. You're smiling. He laughs at these kinds of stories, because I don't know how to react. Yeah. No, no, no. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no'm not laughing shit. No, you're right. No, I'm laughing Shit, you did go like this Wait, no, bobby. Wait, you went like this. You didn't go like that. That's that's what he did

Okay, keep going i'm gonna start story over Say it again. Okay, and I swear to god if you smile even brendan. Okay, i'm fucking leaving. Okay. All. Hey, hold on fucking leave I don't fucking don't smile not you already smiling Just this is about this is really serious story bullshit. I got it. Tell the story again. Tell chin to chin kind of smirk Nobody fucking my own no one fucking love. This is serious for around Tuesday. My brother's like yeah, dude like What that's already not working we're not what you can't say no All right, baby, let's tell Jimmy tips. I'm not an actor It's just a way to say we can't I beg I beg you please. Oh, no, you're gonna beg you please I. I beg you please okay, all right. I love my dad so much

Yeah I'm not even Yeah, Bobby take it easy No, you're the star no, I deserve it you're the dad you're the star I deserve it but don't Finish the story. Let me finish this. So he goes dude. I'm staying my dad dude. I'm gonna stay all night long, right? I got right, but don't send me those photos no more right Right, right. So the first one three in the morning, maybe Wednesday night is like this You fucking... No! I wasn't laughing! I wasn't laughing! Back down!

Back down! Fuck! Alright, give him another chance. Please give him another chance. Dude, we're not laughing. Stop laughing, man. But also, Bobby, don't make those faces. No, I'm telling a story

All right, go ahead the way it is. All right, so I'm just gonna do it like this all my brother No, you can't Brian. I mean Brian. I wasn't laughing but just take your thing off your hand. You can do it You're listen be real. Oh, you're right. Just be real and I'm your friend I'm a person and I'm saying something else or it I'm a little person. And I'm saying something that's personally gonna happen. Your father. It really hurt and it's devastating and let's start. Okay, so anyway. My brothers be like, my brother.

You're laughing now. Dude, you're laughing. See, I was ready to go. Why are you laughing? You're having a, you know what? This is part of the grieving process. And I'm glad we're here for it, you laughing? You're having a, you know what, this is part of the grieving process. And I'm glad we're here for it, you know? This is actually part of the grieving process.

Let's do it really quick. So anyway, my brother goes, uh, yeah, dude, I'm gonna stay here all night. So I go, all right, don't send me the photos. Then like, so the first one was like, um, like this, just regular, right? But then like, but then at four in the morning, it's like this, just regular, right? But then like, but then at four in the morning, it's like this. Right? And then by like six in the morning, like these are the photos.

What? What are you doing? Yeah, what are you doing? So that's it. You know what? You did a great job. You did okay. That's the end of the story.

That's it. Thank you. What are you doing? We don't know You're almost the last one. Do just this is really quick one Um, maybe rude yesterday Instagram actually disabled the following tab So now you can like and comment on other people's posts without your friends knowing. Oh So you can't see what you like? Yeah stuff. Is that good about it? I think that's good when you're having when you have a relationship

Yeah, because a lot of people catch it's called I guess micro cheating where you like someone's photos a little too often micro cheat or you're leaving comments on your ex's photos That's where all my fights with my girlfriend and Kaila is like so um you like so-and-so's girlfriend And I go what yeah, you like like six of her photos. She'll see all of it, yeah. And you're like, oh yeah. Where, I thought there- She's a nice girl.

You know what I mean? Yeah, she's hot. I thought they were gonna get rid of being able to see followers too. I think they're still in the works of trying to figure out whether they want to do that or not. How many followers do you have, Bobby, on Instagram? Now, here we go.

You're doing what Delia does. I'm not. And you're gonna go, oh, you only have that? Look at what I have. I'm We go that you're doing with the Leah does I'm not you're gonna go Oh, you only have that the no I have I'm like exactly what he's doing unloaded right on my face. That's what he's doing What do you have brye? Seven million no how do you have honest? There's this girl who was so good looking on Instagram when you search and I was like Jesus Christ She was so good looking I was like who is she 10.4 million followers. I'm not Ryan 10.4 million followers

That's the crazy shit. I've ever seen she just 130 you got it you found I found her so she came up on my feet hot so everyone falls her Wow I'm not thinking about the people on not following her though. I only have four hundred fifty five thousand That's kind of a lot Bobby What do you have Brendan? I don't know like a million. I Don't know why we're talking really I've been here a while Really good to have me here Bobby. Thank you for having one of our favorites there Bobby. What's next for you? I enjoy it. When are you on the road again? No, I'm gonna tell you all the little things I got going on now

Please do I'll tell you I'm doing a little Netflix Netflix um animation show. What's it called? I'm not gonna tell you yet. Not Big Mouth. It's coming out that I do for T-W-T Friday. Me, Brent Gellman, a bunch of people. And then I'm got. Stop talking like this, making me angry, I don't know why.

What do you mean? I don't know, I'll bully you. You fucking start talking normal. Hey man. I'm half-hat out of here. I'm hat out of here. I. You fucking start talking normal. Hey man. I'm happy I'm happy. I'm happy with you. I fucking hate this place so much. Hey man, be respectful of my studio right now.

All right. You want money for that? I'll pay for it. Yeah I do. How much was it? Hey. Yeah yeah. I'm about happy.

I'm gonna fucking fuck somebody. Pull your fucking shirt down right now. Hey get your dick out. I ain't no limo driver. Now pull that fucking, get your hand out of your pants. You want to smell something interesting right now. No, I know but Brian does No, but let's let's be real

You know what? Here's what I'll do. I'm gonna stand up and say good. Good night. Good. Goodbye closing Monologue, please and then I'm just gonna leave do I haven't eaten do a closing? I know the one I have to do with it Rob Schneider. It's a send- to do with Rob Snider. Give us a send off Rob Snider at seven. Give us a send off. So this be the final send off for Bobby Lee. Five hundred episode. This five hundred.

It's five hundred. Please be respectful. Five hundred. Be respectful, Bobby. Don't make. Hello. Thank you. I thought that was.

They like it. They like it. I thought... Hold on. I didn't like it. I didn't like it. Take your time. Take your time. Three shades of red. Three shades of red. Red leather, yellow leather, red leather, yellow leather. That's how you do it. Get your muscle. Over the years, I've had good things, but bad things happen in my life.

Sure. What? Hey, fucking get on with it. Get on with it, you fucking mollusk. Before I beat you up. I'll be honest with you. I feel like fucking being mean to you. These last couple of months have been really tough

in my life, this year has been really tough. I've had some great things and really devastating things happen. You know, I was on a show, got canceled, I was devastated, and then I got, did a couple of other things, and then was good, and then my dad died, it was really devastating. But at the end of the day, the reason why I'm here

is because I like to go and say hi to people that I love, and comedy places where I feel comfortable and this is one of them. And I really am just blessed that you guys are my friends and I'm blessed that I feel like my career has just started. I feel I'm getting so many, because of Tiger Belly and because I'm a part of this world, I'm getting a lot of love out there and a lot of business.

And it feels great. And I really appreciate your help. We love you, man. One of the funniest people, period. God bless you. And don't bring up my special again because I'm doing one. All right, when? I don't want to talk about it yet.

All right. Okay, but I'm that ching fat, big tall ching ching. Don't say it. Yeah, you're right. Ching fat. No, no, no, it's chin, no, no, no. No, no, no. Oh. No, you don't need to do that. Super sterile. Well, you don't need to do that, Bobby. Yeah Yeah

You are I love it you love the movies. Ah, fuck man. No, great movies. Remember the platoon? That was a good one. No, I'm not. I can't remember. Remember the one with the, when Martin Sheen is in the water. Yeah, that's Apocalypse Now. And he comes out with his face, and then the knife.

Oh, fuck, that's Apocalypse Now, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an old movie, man. Yeah, but you're talking about Americans in Vietnam now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little bit more than that. How many dicks you guys suck in your life? Ah, fucking A, I was in college. That's a little bit more than that. How many dicks you guys suck in your life? Ah fucking hey, I was in college Man be less sloppy. Oh, that's a good look. Look at that pubic bump

You got a you got a real gun there You got a You got an ass on you though. Ah! Ah! That's for you. That's assault. For your family. Why my family?

You're so insulting. You guys have bird flu and SARS. Oh, that's so... They're slowly dying. You gave me SARS with your butt crack. Was that good or bad? I feel like it was chaos. It was the worst podcast we've ever seen.

I know, I'm so sorry. Was that a little off? I'm so sorry. No, you're very good. We had fun. Are you sure? You were very good. You know, Here's a reason why it's also scary to do your podcast Why and the reason why I haven't been on in a while because you've been asking I know how he does it, too He does it in a sly way and it's always like hey in one hour. Can you feel it?

It's like what the fuck yeah now a lot of yeah, you don't give me a lot of Leo Lee way good planner Yeah, but um what I wanted to say was that I truly love you. Bye. Oh man, Bobby Lee. A true crime podcast. It got me upset because this is someone's kid and someone knows she's gone. That takes a different approach. It was shocking for something like this to happen in our little town.

Focusing on the communities affected by life-shattering crimes. It made news throughout the entire region that these two people had been shot while they slept in such a safe community. To give a new perspective on the devastation crimes can cause. It was shocking for something like this to happen in our little town. Featuring cases from quiet towns to bustling cities and interviewing the people closest to the case. My first thought was that it's an unusual location for us to have a homicide. Listen to the True Crime podcast, City Confidential, and step beyond the yellow tape to learn just how far a crime can reach. There are certain cases in the history of Boston that I think sort of define the city.

I think this is one of them. New episodes of the City Confidential Podcast are available every Thursday. Available wherever you get your podcasts. This summer, it's time to get your gig along. Pluto TV's Summer of Cinema is gonna make you LOL with hundreds of free movies all summer long. Kid a good chuckle or a deep belly laugh streaming Good Burger, Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Anchorman 2.

The legend continues. From old school to think like a man, this summer you can chortle, howl or snort your way through your favorite comedies for free. Download the Pluto TV app now. It's every couch potato stream. Summer of Cinema on Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.