The Flop House - Bride Hard

Episode Date: January 17, 2026

You know the old adage -- dying is easy, briding is hard. Something like that. And if you're looking for a comedy that feels like dying, Bride Hard certainly fits the bill. There are plenty of talented, funny folks who were involved in this film, so we try hard to find some joy. Did we succeed? Take a listen.We’re coming back to San Francisco Sketchfest on January 25! Get tickets now! We’ll be discussing THE MASTER OF DISGUISE! OR, if you prefer to watch us from the comfort of your own home, check out Flop TV (tix here)!Stay updated on Flop House events and side projects, plus a little extra, with our NEWSLETTER, “Flop Secrets!Wikipedia page for Bride HardRecommended in this episode:Dan: Marty Supreme (2025)Stu: No Other Choice (2025)Elliott: The Palm Beach Story (1942)

On this episode we discuss, Bridehard. The movie that inspired Bruce Willis's Die Hard. Ha! Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flop House. I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington. Hello, I'm Elliot Kalin.

And we did it. We have successfully said all of our names without anything going wrong. No bits. No bids. No bops. No bobs. No bobs. No bobs.

Yep, no bobbles, yeah. This is, in case you're wondering, you've found yourself listening to this in a panic. Steer back, Dan, steer back. What's happening? What's happening? Just do what you need to do. Dear Lord. I'm here to guide you.

It's joke for in January, Dan. Let's come on. No, that would be terrible for our show. I'm here to guide you. This is a podcast. This is about movies that were critical or commercial flops. Does this one count as one of those? You'll find out.

And the answer is yes. And we discuss it. We provide our take, but mostly we just hang out. And that's the show, the Floss House. Okay, see you later. PG. PG? Hardly.

We swear a lot. Whoa. We do swear a lot. Standards have slipped quite a bit, yeah. Yeah. It's like a 70s PG. Or in any moment something hardcore might slip in at the last moment. Standards have slipped, but they've, like, completely changed.

Like, people are so prudish these days. I can't even say, talk about my horny adventures anymore. No. Well, certainly your Disney afternoon show, Stewart's Horny Adventures, was canceled pretty quickly. Which was a spinoff of Discovery Quest. Discovery Quest, yeah. That's a joke for anyone who was here before the episode started.

Yeah, you guys. Spying on us. So let's get into this. Tonight, we are talking about a little movie called Bridehard. A very little movie. A very tiny movie, yeah. Directed by Simon West, one of Dan's favorite action movie director. Straight to Hulu.

Well, you know, he did make Conair. Straight to who? Lou. My uncle Lou. Yeah. I am very fond of Conair. It's not good in the traditional sense. Only because you thought it was a movie based on the hairdryer brand of the same name.

And you were like, finally, a story for me. The story of a hairdryer. That's a very, very silly movie that I enjoy the high concept of and the cavalcade of great care tractors. And, of course, Nicholas Cage, letting the wind blow through his hair. That's the thing. You make that joke about hair dryers, but that's the most famous shot of the movie is a wind blowing through his hair. I will say that is a very fun, dumb movie.

I do not love that we are supposed to take the freedom of Steve Busemi's serial killer character at the end as like... Child murder. Child murder as like a hilarious spit. I don't love that section where they're setting you up to think. Didn't realize L.A.'s coming down in favor of a carceral state. Well, they tell a story about him riding around wearing a kid's head as a hat. And there's the whole sequence where Maybe the kid was a real drip.

Yeah, fair point. Maybe he was a drip. Yeah, we didn't hear his side of the story. The kids or Stevie Sammy's because we hear him either. Because there's that sequence where you're supposed to be in suspense over whether he's about to murder a little girl or not. Yeah. I don't love that sequence. But otherwise.

No, no. It's totally far out of place. I like Steve Ysami so much. But I don't love the guy's like, they're like, he's the worst most horrible child murder ever. the end he's like, I'm just gambling in Las Vegas. Everybody, this is great. Yeah. But he made Simon West also Tomb Raider, the first Tomb Raider. He made the General's daughter.

So clearly, the guy to go to for all wacky comedy. He did the, he doesn't be his action. He's an action guy. He's an action guy. Well, let's see. Does this movie have any competently shot action? No. Yeah, that's the problem.

There is, this is spoiling a little bit. There is some. background and gunfire special effects that are so goofy in this that it looks like it looks like a homemade comedy video from like 10, 15 years ago when people were just starting getting their hands on like somewhat professional special effects.

Like if this was a funny or die video from like 15 years ago I'd be like this effects look pretty good but for a movie in 2025, now it's 2026. Yeah. Not so much. Yeah. And it may be too early in the show to take sort of a broad picture look at Bridehard But as

As many people have pointed out I'm sure in their reviews Like the thing about diehard is It's good You have Just like a regular cop Who is who should be Like overmatched by the situation

plunged into this hostage Situation where this is a movie about Like a super spy Who you're never worried about whether she can do any of the stuff. Yes. And also, on top of that, to piggyback on that, the whole movie, the opening, which is very

abrupt, is setting up the idea that she's having a hard time being a bridesmaid because of her spy life. Let's get into this. So I kept assuming that it was because of her spy life that's something terrible would happen at the wedding. Totally unrelated. It's a totally...

She just happens to be a spy at a wedding that happens to be attacked. The pun, bride hard. Like, bride doesn't. doesn't sound enough like die to make it worth the comparison to a movie that doesn't really apply here. Now, what would be, now, it should have been bride or die. Brider die would have been better.

And, but also, they clearly want it to seem like bridesmaids. So, like, what would be your pun on bridesmaids if it was, it was a spy movie? Bride Slays. Dyesmaids. You know what? Maybe they chose the right title. I can't think of anything either. Okay.

Movie opens with an impromptu bachelorette party. in Paris. We meet our bridesmaids. We have Sam, the maid of honor, played by Rebel Wilson. She is the organizer. She had to change things last minute due to a work obligation. And she changed it to everyone's doing this in Paris, which is wild.

Like that everyone was like, yes, at the last minute we will go to Paris instead. I mean, we do find out that they're all incredibly wealthy. Yeah. I mean, this is a movie made now. So all the characters are incredibly wealthy, yeah. Yeah. We have Betsy, the bride, played by Anna Camp. So we get a little bit of a pitch-perfect reunion.

Virginia, the sister-in-law, played by Anna Kloombski, who, again, we got a lot of pros here. I love her and she is not served by this movie at all. No. And Lydia and Zoe, who are the tag-along friends, who are just kind of along for the ride. You know, they get a little bit of character stuff, and that is, of course, Divine Joy Randolph, always lovely. and an actress who I don't particularly recognize her either, but I will say that... That's Gigi Zimbado, but I don't know her from stuff. I just know her from it.

She's run of the TV shows, you know. To skip ahead, Divine is like the one person who I think kind of makes her material work. Her material is not good, but she sells it so much harder than any way. A lot of it is people making a lot of effort trying to sell what little they're given. I think Divine Joy Randolph has the highest hit rate. I think Anna Sholmsky tries her best. You know, she's trying really hard. I think Anna Camp is trying.

I think Anna Camp actually does a pretty good job. I think she does a good job. I actually, I'm not super... I never saw the pitch perfect movies. I haven't seen her other stuff. And I came away from this really liking Anna Camp as a performer. And Rebel Wilson does a lot of like her thing. That's also a little bit like a Melissa McCarthy thing

where they are both performers who walk into a scene. They're like, I'm just going to riff a bunch kind of under my breath and hope that like Rodney Dangerfield style laughs will occur. And it's going to be cut in such a way that it's clear that it's like, I tried a few different lines and then we put in all of them. But unfortunately, this movie's in the hands of Simon West, a director who doesn't seem to really understand comic timing. So a lot of it is not cut together very...

It feels a lot of it felt very unfriendly to Rebel Wilson. Knowing nothing about the making of this movie, my guess is that this movie was put together very quickly. Yeah. It feels like a movie that was thrown together. I know that looking up just a little bit, this is one of the movies

that received a SAG-A-A-A-Fra waiver during the strike a couple years ago when it was being made. Thank God. My guess is that this was a movie that was made a little bit. No pun intended,

because it's a spy action movie under the gun. Okay. Well, I know, like, there's a... Guys, I intended that pun. I got to come clean. I intended that pun. That pun was not unintended.

Yeah. It was very much tended. It was attended by all of us, unfortunately. A friend of a friend has a story by credit, but does not have a screenplay credit, which suggests to me that, like, a lot of modern movies,

this went through a lot of changes along the way. Yeah. Okay, so they... It's just like that song, time can change Bridehard, but I can't change Bridehard, right? No, because you're not associated with production. No, that's true.

Well, that's also in the song, yeah. The Bachelorette party happens to be in Paris because we learn that Sam is actually a secret agent. Stuart, Stuart, I hate to stop because we're only a second into the movie, but can you please describe to us how these characters are introduced to us? Because this is a movie that one of the things I found so disorienting was it feels like the first 10 to 15 minutes of the movie were just chopped off. We're introduced, the characters are just walking through Paris.

How do we learn who they are and what they do? Well, we get images of them walking through the streets with little, like, name chirons, right? Like little name plates. Yes. There's like stuff that says like, saying who they are and what their role is. Made of honor. Friend.

And then it's like, and right off the bat, it's like, okay, we're doing this thing. And Sam's like, I got to go. And I was like, wait a minute, I don't know. It wasn't really enough to get me. Yeah. I don't understand who these characters are. We actually, technically the movie opens with the opening credit sequence,

which is a lot of shots of two little blonde girls playing with like, I don't know, like, soulmate by Lizzo playing or something. And that's how you know that they're best friends, and that is the emotional rock that the rest of the movie will rely on. I have a question, guys. So we learned that Anacamp's character and Rebel Wilson's character were best friends since they were very, very young. Yeah. Now, at what point did Rebel Wilson's character develop a very thick Australian accent?

This is a question that I was also wondering, and I'm like, maybe her parents are Australian, and that's why she has it. But maybe she went to college in Australia, and she just never shook the act. Like, she came home with one. Sure. But it is a... You would think that a secret agent would want to blend, learn to play. That's true. She blends in very poorly.

I guess Australians are the like most everybody's favorite tourists for some reason. I've heard that various graphics show that Australians are people's preferred tourists. Seem jolly, you know?

Yeah, like Santa Claus, the original Australian. The day, kids, I've got some presents for you. Oh, get a little my tom, get down the chimney. Pull it out of his kangaroo patch. Here you are as a quoll bear.

His slew that slug quite dangerous. Don't play with it. Oh, it's fine. This slay that's pulled by seven kangaroos or whatever. I apologize for my half-hearted, terrible accents there. Yeah, Dan, throw yourself into your terrible accent like I am. The thing is, we have never had bad accents. No, never.

Okay. It tells me who's nice and who's not a runny. Okay, that's a little cockney. Yeah, that's true. My astral noise becomes cockney, yeah. So Sam has to sneak away from the festivities that she organized because it turns out that their intel was wrong and the mission that she has to be part of

is actually happening that night instead of the next night. And then we also learned that that mission, it's not a prototype, it's actual the actual, like, what, chemical weapon that they're supposed to be observing? It's really weird because as soon as she sees it's a chemical weapon, she goes into action mode, and the rest of her team's like, no, don't do that. And I'm like, then why the fuck did you bring action agent along

if it's just watching? have a drone guy. She is consistently a bad secret agent in the way that movie's secret agents are aware. A real secret agent, just today, we had the news that our government has gone into a foreign country and kidnapped the leader of that foreign country. And that was done partly because we sent in CIA agents to, like, gather information about where that foreign leader would be. The secret agents did not decide, suddenly get on a motorcycle.

We got to do ourselves. Start blasting. But secret agents and movies, they're never very good at secrets. It's an old thing about like James Bond is a secret agent who constantly tells his name to people. Yeah, most famous, yeah. So, but she, they're like, he's got a real biological weapon with him. Let's be careful. And she's like, no, just going to start shooting and hitting, you know, chasing after.

So this whole sequence ends up not really having any effect on the rest of the movie. Other than the fact that by going to do her job, it makes her friend, what's her name, Betsy, remove her from her bridal party. She is no longer made of honor as she has let everybody down. She's not made of honor either like Patrick Dempsey was. No, that's true. Yeah.

Literally made of honor. From honor discarded. That's a, you know, like that's a talent that the U.S. used to have, but we've forgotten how to do it in this age of AI, how to make a man of honor. Well, yeah, also we lost the notes of Dr. Victor of Frankenstein, who's the guy who discovered how to do that. But it's similar to how the STCs for the men of iron in the 41st millennium are now long lost, and the few that remain are relics.

Very similar. It's exactly like that. So she's now the maid of dishonor, which means that she has to wear brambles and seaweed to the wedding. Like a crampus. Exactly, exactly. And if anyone misbehaves at the wedding, it's her job to pull them away and put them into wedding jail. She has to burst in at the objections thing and do a Mrs. Rochester moment. Burn the house down?

Yeah. Okay. So after this mission... So here's a joke nobody's going to like or care about. It's for an audience of only me. What if on the Jack Benny show, Rochester's wife was Mrs. Rochester from Jane Eyre? So I was like, Rochester, bring the car around. And Rochester's like, I can't boss.

My wife is trying to get out of the attic. I mean, has there been a modern retelling of her story from her point of view yet? There's a book called White Sargasso C, I think it is, which is from her point of view. Elliot, that joke was for me as well, and I have to commend you on a pretty good Jack Benny. Thank you. Thanks. You know what, I'm wrong. White Sargasso C.

It's an older book that's from 1966. I thought it was from the 80s. It's still more modern than Jane Eyre. Probably because there was that, like, movie adaptation around that time, I think. Okay. Was there? It was called Wide Sargasso Sea. Oh, yeah, yeah.

It was in... Speaking of, right? You guys excited about that new Wuthering Heights movie that's coming out? The Emerald Fennell. Yeah, Emerald Fennell has a pretty good hit rate, right? I don't mind some movies. I mean, I like her movies as, like, fun trash. Yeah, like, I think the problem.

I think the problem is like somehow the world got the idea in their head that they were supposed to be important movies or something. And not kind of weirdo rich people exploitation trash. Yeah, yeah. 1993, White Sargasso C. Oh, it starred Karina Lombard. I don't know who that is. Oh, Rachel Ward's in it, though.

Michael York. Anyway. Okay, well, the book came out before then. But there is a story. So just to answer your question, there is a postmodern. retelling of the story from Mrs. Rochester's point of view, yeah. Man, I'm really glad we went on this one, this little, this little side. There's really so little to Brightheart.

I am glad that we went on the side quest. It's so rarely on this podcast that I get to talk about the work of early to mid-19th century female authors, you know, from Britain. So I'm glad we could do a little bit of that today, yeah. Would my gal Virginia, Virginia Woolf be in that category? No, Virginia Woolf is very much an early 20th century author, although I would like to talk about her work. I love her work. There's a reason my younger son's middle name is Wolf with two O's. Didn't know.

Also because Wolf is a family. You didn't name your son, Mrs. Dalloway. His name is Orlando, Dalloway, Kaylon. Orlando the Waves, Cailin. Orlando to the lighthouse, Dalloway Waves, Kailen. His name is a room of their own, Kailen, but we just call him, we just call him Aetor. Or a Rato. That's pretty cool.

That's Arato would be the initials, yeah. So Sam is down. That'd be so funny. This is my son, Sammy, and this is younger brother, Arato. Arato. Like, what is the, oh, it's short for a room of one. Oh, it's a room of one zone. It's the name, not a room of their own.

I think of a league of their own. Guys, okay, hold on a second. This is what we need to do. They're both a room and a league. A Virginia Wool's, a room of league of their own. Mm-hmm. It's a room of one zone. I apologize to the late Virginia Woolf.

Yeah. I thought that sounded wrong, but I didn't want to leap in. Yeah, I apologize. I hate to bring it to you, Stuart. Okay, so Sam is understandably down in the dumps for the falling out with her friend. She feels like she messed up, but she also doesn't know how to remove herself from work until her handler, Nadine, played by Sherry Cola, insists who also has, like, nothing to do in this movie. No, she just exists to, like, make quips, you know. Yeah, which, I mean, talented.

I'll answer my own question, Joyride. Joyride. She's also on that nobody wants this show as a podcast producer. Yeah, she's given so little. I expected, like, I guess I wasn't paying enough attention. Like, she loses, like, why is she not in contact with this woman throughout the hostage situation in some way? My guess is that. There's a cell phone jammer.

There is a cell phone jammer. But my guess is that there is that there is more for her to do. in this, but that they cut it, you know. It just, this movie feels like it, this movie doesn't feel like a, uh, cohesive piece of work that every, that was a, that fulfills the intentions of its makers, let's say. Okay. So her, uh, her handler is like, I got a new mission for you. And it's just go to your friend's wedding.

So she goes to her friend's wedding, which is in one of those big old plantation houses in the South. Um, because everybody's rich. Everybody in the world is rich. Some people are just richer than others. Mm-hmm. Virginia. Even the bad guys seem to be rich.

You know, like they're doing this mission, this well-funded mission to rob rich people. You can't get that many stick and poke tattoos without having a little bit of free scratch line around. Unless he's like friends with the artist or something. Or like, yeah, doing trade. Yeah, trading. Trading, yeah.

I'll rob someone for you. Unless he's like a chef. Is he a chef? Do we know if he's a chef on the sign? He might be a chef. Okay. Are there tattoos on his neck? If not, he might not be a chef.

He might not be a chef. Yeah, what about his knuckles? Like an Anthony Bourdain, Jeff Foxworthy, team. Oh, man, what a pairing. If you got a tat too of a fork on one of your arms, you might be a chef. That's the season of True Detective I've been dying for.

Well, I've got bad news for you, too. What happened to Jeff Foxwood? Okay, so Virginia. who is the new maid of honor is being overbearing. She's over planning. But she, the new maid of honor is the sister to the groom to be. So, you know, it all, I guess. And this is very much like bridesmaids.

Like this is like the whole bridesmaids thing of like where Rose Byrne is the, you know, sort of like you're supposed to read her as like, oh, who's this bitch horny in? or whether. But like, bridesmaids, I mean, bridesmaids did a better job of basically everything. But bridesmaids. I don't even like bridesmaids and it did a better. I could tell you did a better job, yeah. Did a better job of making that character a human. Like Anna Shlombsky gets like a, you know, at the end, she is not horrible, but it is a real like, you know, switch of, of a change.

They do a couple of those with a couple different characters. Like she seems awful for so much of the movie. And then at the end, it's like, okay, well, she's okay. Well, she's okay, you know. Emotions are high around weddings, Dan. Sometimes you aren't your best self, you know? Yeah. People are high at weddings often.

Ideally. Sometimes, if it's the wedding of Jerry Garcia, Dan, what's like? If Rachel's getting married. If Rachel's getting married, there's a lot of trauma to get over. Okay, so, you know, there's a big party. Rachel getting married. Rachel getting married. Do you remember that part of Rachel getting married where it's like the night

when everybody's performing? And the guy's like, he's doing stand-up or something. He keeps saying, Rachel getting married. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know, Rachel. So just keep going. I actually don't remember this. I just, it's as if the guy is like, I can't, he's doing something like, I can't believe. L.A.'s DVD got a scratch on it.

So it was just skipping. It was like, I think he was trying to get across the day that like, can you believe Rachel is grown up and is getting married? There's like, yeah, as an audience member, I met her as an engaged adult. So. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the fucking title of the movie dog. Did you have no one here in?

I didn't even think I bought a ticket to fucking sack lunch. How'd they get that sack Or is it a really big sack? Of all the movies that were on Seinfeld, sack lunch is the one I'm most curious about. And guys, this is when Chris, the best man, shows up. Of course, played by Tracker himself, Coulter Shaw. That's Tracker.

That's Tracker, everybody. Now, here's the thing. I would love to see Tracker with the skills of this character. Yes. Because the joke throughout is that he thinks he's very cool, but he's bad at all the stuff he's doing. Well, it's weird because when he first shows, shows up, you know, they really play up how

Hottie's supposed to be. I mean, there's a slow motion walk, and there's a woman in the background doing the craziest take as he's walking up. And it's, what were they playing like? Dude looks like a lady. I think it was what, damn, I wish I was your lover or something.

Yes, it is, Dave, I wish I was your lover, yeah. And, you know, there's a he starts flirting with Sam. There's like a party. There's a bridesmaid dance number that Sam disrupts by shooting like a blow dart at Anna Klobski's character. Yeah.

And at that point, I'm like... Anna Kloomski is going real overdrive within the dance number to pull the spotlight, you know. Yeah. At the same time, Sam is getting a little suspicious of just things going on. She sees like a guy walking around with a big case, and she's like, is this a missile launcher? And so she sends images to her handler,

and her handler's like, stop worrying about it. I'll analyze it, but don't worry about it. Also, in the middle of the night, bad guys infiltrate... Oh, I think you meant, in the middle of the night. Badgers infiltrate the sweating. I never mean that. At the southern plantation in the movie Bridehart. So there's like three security guys standing on the dock at the river attached to the estate,

and they get, like, tranquilized darts or shot and killed by some frogmen and replaced. Wait, now before, Stewart just means scuba divers. He does not mean the characters from hell comes to Frogtown. Yeah. He's starring Rowdy, Roddy Piper. Okay. So the wedding, the next day. Or the footman from Allison Wonderland.

Yes, the frog footman. Yeah, another great frogman. What are the great frogmen are there in a... Frogman of history. Yeah, great frogman of his... And I don't mean, Kermit's kind of a frogman. John Taffer from Bar Rescue. I mean, he's presented as if he's a frog.

Kermit is a frog. No, I know. That's like his name. Unlike the other frogs, even in his own world, I feel like. Okay, I mean, I just, I feel like this is like a split in, uh... It's like a goofy Pluto situation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Goofy Pluto is like the plane of Pluto, but it's, the orbit is all crazy.

Whoa. Yeah. Neptune's like, goofy Pluto, stop bumping it to me. Yeah. Okay, so, uh, she can, Virginia continues her... This straw is crazy. We can't let this get out. Someone unbalanced designed this straw.

Lock this man up. He designed this straw. He's a danger to drinking everywhere. I'm so parched. I'll just put the straw to my lips. It's taken a long time for the liquid to get through this straw. Wait, this is a very securitously root for this liquid to take. Almost absurdly circuitous.

I got tired sucking on it before it reached my lips. Oh, it's a sad story. He was the pride of the straw design department here at America Pacific. And now look at him. Look at him. He had to be taken away. In a pattern room. He was locked away for his safety and others.

He was doing strange, horrible things with straws. Abominations of nature, they were called. Do you think in like a post-apocalyptic future, any of the people who are like siphoning gas out of discarded car or gas tanks, do you think any of them ever used like a big sillies? silly strong just for laughs. Probably, probably. Don't get me start on silly string, though. Oh, boy. It's not even string. Try and tie up a package with that.

That's a fool's errands. End up with a mess on your hands. I'll tell you who would use that to tie something up a silly person. Yeah. So the bridesmaids all do a bit of a glam day. Again, Virginia is being way too, she's being way too much overbearing and makes Sam feel left out. She also takes issue with Sam for.

flirting with Chris, aka Tracker, by showing her a magazine that says Virginia A. Chris, some like French fashion magazine, which I thought was very funny. This was when I first realized how rich these characters are supposed to be. That it's not just that they're rich, but they're rich enough that a French magazine is running articles about whether they're in a relationship or not. Yeah. Okay. So the wedding starts to happen and Sam and Betsy getting a little bit of a fight.

So Sam steps away for a second. That's when a bunch of bad guys, mercenaries, led by Stephen Dorff. Dorff is not going fishing guys, and he is not playing golf. He is hijacking this wedding. So they, you know, they shoot some Uzi's in the sky. They collect all the wedding guests. There's a joke about, are all American weddings like this from a British guy? I'm confused, guys.

This is the same wedding from Betsy's wedding? Maybe. Yeah, could be. Wait, what's Betsy's wedding, Dan? It had Molly Ringwald in it and Alan Alde. Yeah, I was also left in the cold by this one. Lodged in the old memory. It's a forgotten film of the period.

No, I mean, it makes sense, though, because there's no other movies about weddings that you could have made that job with. Well, but it's the same, same woman's name. Is this what happened to Peggy Sue, etc., etc.? That's a different woman's name. Is this my best friend's wedding? Is this my Betsy's friend's friend's?

Is this Robert Altman's a Betsy wedding? Yeah. Because, Dan, you have a friend named Betsy. So I was like, I don't know. I wasn't at that wedding, but I assume you were. Is this Betsy's wedding? I don't know. I mean, it was a long time ago.

Yeah. In a galaxy far, far away. So. Dan, how did you get to that wedding that was a galaxy far, far away? The hitchhiked. The mercenaries collect. They used the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy. Yeah, you had that guide with you.

Yeah. They corral all the guests. We clearly have a lot to say about Bridehard. Anyway, continue. They separate the. family members who own the estate, which includes the groom-to-be, the mate of honor, and their parents, one of whom is played by, that's right, Colleen Camp. Yeah, that's also a producer on the movie.

Along with Joel David Moore, who I guess used some of his avatar bucks to help produce this one. This is the bucks that have knobby on them. Yeah, they're fucking blue. You can only use them to produce other movies because James Cameron's the only one who will trade them back in for American dollars. Yeah. So they're trying to get into this like weird time release vault, family vault thing that has a ton of gold bars in it and an incriminating hard drive.

And in order to do that, they need each family members ring and their passcode or something. And they have to wait 30 minutes between each ring slash password insertion, which seems very inconvenient. But I guess that's how rich people do. And then we find out in this scene that the best man, Chris, Tracker, not the good dude that he is on tracker, Colter Shaw, who works as a rewardist

finding missing people. And often doesn't even keep the reward. That's what he calls himself a rewardist. Oh, okay. And like other people call him that? Yeah, that's good. He works for rewards. Because he doesn't want to say bounty hunter

is a bad guy. A rewardist. If you're like a server. It's a little wild because everyone calls. We're not wagesists. Other people call. him a rewardist, which is weird. Why don't they just call him the title of the show, Tracker?

Because that's not his name, although you would assume it is. It should be. His name should be Colter Tracker. Yeah. I mean, Colter Shaw is a really cool thing. It is a cool name. You're putting a lot of pressure on a kid when you name them a Colter, that they've got to grow up to be handsome and cool. Yeah. Which this character is supposed to be, but all at this point, this is kind of a turning point.

This is where we not only realize he's a bad guy, but he also is like, he also becomes like a big kind of dork. He becomes a big wannabe baby. Yeah. And he's doing this because he wants that hard drive to, like, theoretically in his mind, clear his dad for, like, malfeasance. His dad was sent to jail for financial crimes. He's a real Jared Kushner. His whole life is about proving that his dad who was clearly a criminal was not a criminal.

And he doesn't care how many lives he has to ruin. I mean, I guess I'm asking for. His dad. Empire Strikes Back director of Gershner, whose name is spelled and pronounced differently. You know, you're not exactly like your dad, Elliot. That's true. Maybe your last name could be changed slightly.

That's a good point. He wants to prove that his dad's not guilty of encasing Hans Solo and Carbonite. So he's looking for the behind-the-scenes footage that shows that that's just a movie and not a real thing that happens. I guess I'm asking for a better movie than Bridehart, but this detail... Dan, I think we're all asked... If you weren't asking for a better movie than Bridehart, Then Brightheart, I would be like, Dan, you need to raise your standards.

Come on. This detail, though, just, like, goes so nowhere. Like, it's used as an excuse for, like, someone on the inside to be, like, part of it. But, like, when it is revealed at the end that, oh, no, your dad really was a criminal, it's such a shrug. Like, there's no, like, there's no sense of, like, I did all this for nothing, you know? Or, like, there's no twist on it. Like, oh, actually, you did all this and you exonerated him. you're going to jail or something interesting.

I mean, by that point also, his character has become such a nothing. Like a cartoon non-threat? I feel like I would have liked, if they're going to go with the cartoon non-threat route, I would have liked if some of the other characters were still like enamored by how hot he was. Yes. So at least there was some like dimension to it. Well, I'm going to Monday morning quarterback this whole movie by the end. Yeah.

But that's like, like Dan, that's a good twist idea. Like Dan's saying like some kind of twist so it's not just what's happening, you know. It's not just a straightforward thing. Okay, so Sam, who is separated from everybody, kind of starts figuring out that something's going on. She starts taking out bad guys. There's a sequence where she uses... On dates? That seems like a conflict of interest.

She starts taking out... She kills a guy by beating him up with, like, hot hair curlers as if they were nunhucks. That's her idea of a good date? Not my idea. I mean, I'm kind of into it. Some people, it might be. This is what I was saying before, though. Like, you never, like, there's a little bit of a nod in the direction of, like,

oh, Sam's in trouble at the end just so the bridesmaids can, like, come save her and, you know, prove that they're all friends again or whatever. But, like, you never worry about her actually being overmatched in any way. Like, she is, like, a movie, you know, super fighter. The thing is that you have to, like, they clearly don't have the money to lean into the, the action sequences here. And later on they make a point of when, you know, in the wrap-up, she's like, yeah, and you can't tell anyone that I'm a secret agent. And I'm like, oh, okay.

So that's what the movie should have been, is that she is so clearly overmatching these guys. She should be able to easily defeat them at any time. But the issue is she should be trying to do it so that nobody knows she's a secret agently. And they're like, yeah. That's funny. And I think one of the issues they have with doing something like that, which I think is funnier is that she gets kicked out of being the maid of honor so early because they're trying

to be like bridesmaids. So there's that it's no one's really paying attention to her that much throughout the movie. Yeah. And she has no responsibilities. But if you wanted, if it's like she still has to do her maid of honor stuff while she's taking out all these bad guys or while she's like if there is. Like she noticed that something's wrong early and she's trying not to ruin the wedding. Yes.

And then you can set it up for like act three is when it's, oh no, now everyone knows about it and the bad middle act two or who knows what. I also saw this in some review I read of this. You went to the theater and saw it as it was meant to be seen. It was a road show. Someone made the good point. The intermission and everything. Someone made a good point that like there's no difference really between her spy persona and how she acts in real life.

And maybe if there was like a contrast, that would be interesting. Yeah. If she's like a goofy, she's a goofy friend, but she's like a stone cold killer as a spy or something like that. Or vice versa. She has, she's heard the funny thing about her is that she's kind of cold. to her friends, but she's really warm to the people she's fighting. That's who she feels like she can talk to? I don't know.

Anyway. And I think casting-wise, you should have swapped Steven Dorf and Tracker. I think Steven Dorf would play like a sniveling little weasel better. He would be very funny doing that. Okay. So Chris goes off trying to hunt down Sam and they bump into each other. She immediately susses out that he's a bad guy. and they have a scuffle, and she manages to steal the ring that he had been holding that is part of the safe.

And he's like, my precious, my precious. Uh-huh, yeah, that's a dead on column you just did. Yeah, it's me, Gollum, hey, guys. Hey, what's up? Hey, what are you going? Can I come? It's like Gonzo Gallum. You go to Mount Doom?

Can I come? Can I have that ring? It's kind of my precious. Yeah, we've got to take it over to Mount Doom. Gons gets race. Can I come? Like fucking A, dude, stop telling him what we're doing. I promise I won't talk too much.

So it's, so Muppet. He always says that, but he keeps singing about the fish. Muppet Lord of the Rings maps pretty well. Kermit Svrodo, right, Fawzzi is Sam. Gonslow is Gullum. Who's Miss Piggy, though? Aragorn? I think it would be pretty funny if she was Gandal.

Yeah, that's pretty funny, too. Yeah, that works. I see Sam, the Eagle is more of a gregorne. Gandalf type, but you know. No, it's true, but he's too, it's too uptight. Yeah, you don't want to spend that much time with San Diego. I feel like, I don't know if Middle Earth is big enough for Miss Piggy. Actually, San Diego would be Soramon.

That's who Sam the Eagle would be. Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Uncle Deadly. Okay, so at this point, the bride, Betsy, manages to trick them into letting her sneak off to get food. And in doing so, she's able to reunite with her friend Sam. There's some action sequences, blah, blah, blah. They come up with a plan together, so they split up again. Betsy returns.

She helps all the hostages escape. I've got to say, like, I don't want to play reality police too much in what is clearly a dumb comedy. Yeah. But, like, there's scenes when she, like, comes back and she's, like, talking to the other hostages about the plans, where they're like whispering loudly and you see goons like wandering around in the background I'm like wow they're really lax about

letting all their hostages plan with one another these are the least threatening least imposing goons I've ever seen in a movie they're so easily taken out by everybody they let the heroes who are captives just have free reign

yeah free movement often and they're it's just very easy there's a point where they all escape and they like snatch up all the that are clearly lying around in this plantation home. And I'm like, somebody make a joke about the fact that rich people have like weird weapons in their house or something, but no. No.

Now, this is what I'm going to say. Up till this point, the movie has pretty closely stuck to its original. It's based on the bride strip bear by her bachelor's even, the sculpture by Marcel Deschamp, also known as the Large Glass. But this is where this story takes an abrupt turn. It no longer follows that. I thought it was Marcel de champ. Like he's the champion?

That's my brother. to call him. When I was a teenager, I went through a big period where I was really enamored of Dechamps's work. And I had Calvin Tompkins biography and it just says Duchamp on the cover and my brother would just go, DeChamp!

That actually is probably the clearest portrait of the Kalin boys I've ever heard. Okay, so the hostages escape through the weird tunnel underneath the property. Sam gets captured while battling goons eventually and they get the ring off of her and they open the vault. If you like her, then you better take a ring off it.

And this is when... Like that song, right, Dan? Yeah. This is the moment, by the way, also, again, hate to be too logical, but, like, the most egregious plot armor where, like, she has the ring, which is what they want.

She's killed a bunch of them. They don't just shoot her. No, well, it's like... The most... Right in front of them. It's almost... I think I would call it second most agree just after the moment in Indiana Jones

and the Dial of Destiny where they have Indiana Jones and her... Fleabag alone in a cavern somewhere and they know Indiana Jones is I think it's holding the thing they want and they've been killing people left and right for no reason and they do not just shoot

Indiana Jones and Fleabag in the head and take that thing and leave instead they're like you'll have to come with us or else we'll kill you both it's like just I don't understand why you're not do it just killing it just do it we know you're the hero of the movie your name is in the title so we can't be a wild wild ending on a movie right for them to just kill

they just blast it above in the head yeah then they go back in time to and then credits. They die and then everyone dies. Actually, so the version of, they kill them. They take the dial, they go back in time, but it takes them back to that moment. In Indiana Jones and Fleabag are able to stop them

and just change and change their own deaths. That's a great ending. We should do that? When we do our remake of the Daily Destiny. Should I watch that movie? I still haven't watched it. I like that movie. It's fun.

I like it better than Bridehart. Crystal Skull, personally. Yes, I also like it better than Crystal Skull. The beginning of Crystal Skull I like a lot, but then it gets... pretty boring to me. Everything after the fridge in Crystal Skull, I'm not. How much mutt is in the new one?

No mutt. There's no mutt, yeah. It's sands mutt. Mutt went, but return to his home planet. I mean, he literally, yeah, he's a dog name, yeah. I will say, Dial of Destiny, the longer it went on and the kind of sillier it got, the more I liked it. Okay, yeah.

In the very beginning, I'm like, yeah, I don't know, but by the end, I'm like, you know what? I feel like, this is pretty bonkers. I feel like I've asked this question on the podcast many times. Yeah. because I still haven't seen it, and every time it comes up, I'm like, should I watch that? And you're like,

nah, maybe. I'm okay. There's certainly better things to watch, but there's also worse things to watch. I mean, if you're, like, I'm just such a fan of that character that I was going to watch it.

Well, yeah, I mean, I am. Yeah. L.A. jokes for a second and realize what he's done. No, no, like, oh, no, he does love that character. It is a good character, yeah. So,

when they open up the vault. But it's weird when Fleabagagg is a robot in the Star Wars movie, right? That's the one time I've attracted to a robot. I'm like, that robot's got a lot of junk. That's the only time? Let me direct you to the bride of pinbot pinball machine. Dan, I have a certain aerosmith album cover I think you need to look at.

Yeah, I mean, I guess ex machina is pretty good robot for being attracted to, too. I mean, that's just, I mean, that's a human actress. That's a human actress pretending to be a robot. Yeah, you're hearing me out on a Alicia Bacander. That's the one. one robot-y robot that I'm like, hmm, okay. Yeah, yeah. Hear me out.

Gongedroid. Hello? The thing about Gongtroid is he's such a generous lover because he's so grateful. Yeah, yeah. Well, yeah, he's into the... Most people just look at me as a cue. Most people just think I'm a trash can. So, wait, one, real quick.

I have a complaint I have to make about the Star Wars character encyclopedia guidebooks. Yeah, sure. There's so many characters, thanks to the Mandalorian and the new movies, that some of the old characters have been dropped from those books and my younger son, he has the newest edition of it and I was very disappointed to see that gongedroid

is no longer in the book. He did not make the cut anymore. Open the fucking schools, right? The fucking star of the movie. You've got all these one-off Mandalorian characters you don't have gong droid. Momon, Nadon, he's not in any of those books. That's very disappointing, yeah.

What about the Schist of In Wolfman in the Most Eyesley Cantina? No. The one who got pulled out for the special edition? No, the only most-a-lesly guys that are still in there are Figurind to Ann, of course. Okay, yeah, yeah. And are the modal nodes in there? No, just Figuring to Ann.

The modal nodes don't get the right. But they get a mention. And Ponda Baba and Dr. Evasan. Yeah. Like, Momonadon's not in there anymore? He's got the fucking death sentence in how many sectors? 12, I think. Okay.

Boy. So let's get back to Bridehard. There's a lot of, there's like two seconds left. Okay, so they get the vault open. This is when the, this one Steven Dorff's like, Actually, Tracker, I don't need you around at all. So for Sam, manages to break free, she and Chris both escape.

There's like shooting and grenades. They get trapped inside a whiskey barrel. Because it's a distillery at the plantation. They luckily are rescued by their friends through clever use of Morse code. More regular use of Morse code. Yeah, I guess you're right. They didn't put a fresh new spin on it.

The Merks are making... Your cousin Marvin Morse? You know that new sound you've been looking for? You know that new code you've been looking for? Yeah, yeah. Putting some real English on your wraps. Your dits and dashes or whatever. Yeah.

Okay, so Sam and Betsy jump on a hovercraft and they go chasing after Stephen Dorf and all the gold. Here's, there's a very funny thing that happens here, just very small, which is that the gold is just flying around these gold bars, and it's like, guys, guys, gold is very heavy. Like, it is famously incredibly heavy, but it's clearly like, you know, aluminum or something.

There's some very good people standing on things with a green screen behind them work in this sequence. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that. So they, you know, there's some action and adventure. They eventually overtake Stephen Dorff and Sam boards his little skiff and they battle. Leave Java's palace. And then she, you know, she manages to knock him off the platform with all the gold.

And then they get overtaken by tracker who's like, ha, ha, I want this hard drive to clear my dad's name. At this point, it's almost like you're just watching famous people playing Mario Kart. You know, when they're just chasing each other on these things. Which, again, if they made a live-action Mario Kart movie where people are green-screened like that, that like terrible green screen, I would be super into it. It's right.

It's terrible green screen, terrible muzzle flare. Again, yeah, for when you fire off a shell or whatever. Yeah, get Neil Breen to make the Mario Kart movie. That would be amazing if somehow Neil Green landed the Mario Kart license and they made it. Like some fucking mistake. Okay, so they stopped the Merks.

Chris Pratt is just on set with Neil Breen. He's playing Mario and he's like, Are you sure you want me to do this in the scene? Yeah, yeah, this is what you're going to do. Because Mario doesn't usually go on long kind of nihilistic libertarian sociopathic rants about the elites and the powers of the government. That's more Wario territory. And they're all very not specific. Do you want to say something more than just banks and government?

All right, that's it. You're off the movie. So they leave tracker on the driverless hovercraft. and he then crashes into a big wedding display and seems to explode. There's a lot of very cheap digital smoke around him. And they, of course, have very, their emotional reaction to seeing potentially, what was he, the best man,

even though he's turned a bad guy, killed in an explosion, is very nonchalant. Well, there's a moment earlier where Sam, they seem to believe that Sam has been killed by mercenary gunfire. And Betsy is obviously sad that her childhood best friend, his dad and Divine Joy Randolph's character is like talking shit about her and I'm like, this is crazy.

Like, why would you like read the room like her friend's dead? Don't talk about her being a bad bridesmaid. No one cares. Just go back to seducing the reverend like you're doing through the rest of the movie. The, let's see. There is one line, there's one

back and forth that I did find very funny where the, there are a couple of funny jokes at it. Not the very many, where they're talking about what are their skills that they can use to help Sam And Divide Jo Randolph was like, I'm a solid nine and a half. Make with, do with that what you will. And Betsy's like, well, I think you're a 10, but let's just moving. And she's like, thank you.

It was like the most real back and forth in the entire movie it felt like to me. But anyway. So, and like, there's so many other weird, like, clearly jokes were written in here. Like, there was a moment where Betsy first sees Sam beat the shit out of a bunch of guys. And she's like, are you even hurt? And she's like, I'm human, aren't I? And she goes, I don't know. And it's edited in such a way where they're like,

we don't even know if these are meant to be jokes or not. Like, we don't get any room for delivery. It's just like, let's get to the next weird action sequence. So we wrap everything up. The authorities arrive. They slide down ropes from helicopters. They decide to do. Surprising everybody.

Do they notice the helicopters before they slide down? I can't remember. I don't know. And then I don't really care. And then they decided. to have the wedding right there instead of doing some kind of a big thing. That's when Tracker

shows back up and he holds everybody at gunpoint is quickly disarmed and taken into custody. Well, and he has an explosive detonator. He has an explosive detonator, which is commandeered by Sam. They then throw the bouquet. Sam catches it, triggering the

detonator, blowing up their home. They don't care. Yeah, they're really cool about it. They just shake off that their home and all their possessions have been destroyed. I mean, because, granted,

Sam did save them. I did want to redecorate, you know. Sam did save them, but I also feel like there'd be a little, little larger reaction to their entire home

getting blown up. I don't necessarily be anger towards Sam, but maybe some remorse of losing your home, yeah. That's the point when I'd be like, okay, I wasn't as worried about it before, but now I'm going to need to know

where every single gold bar is because I have to build a new house. Okay, and then the, movie wraps up with all the characters like dancing around a bonfire, just having a good time, end a movie. Doing witch curses. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just dancing around, just casting spells.

Living life deliciously, you know. And that is bright hard, folks. How long do you think she lived life deliciously before she got tired of the witch life? That's a good question. I would say eons. Oh, okay. Wow, so a long time. Yeah, because she opens up a witch house.

Time and space have no meaning anymore. The dreams there are pretty cool. Yeah. And she has like a little cool rat friend with a human face. Aw. That's cute. Yeah. So guys.

That guy should have been in Bridehart. It's time while Stuart pours some water directly into his microphone. Just pee and all over. Sorry. I'll see what it out. It's territory on this episode. I will introduce to the next part of this, which is final judgments. We have to judge this movie.

is it a good bad movie, a bad, bad movie or movie that we kind of liked. This was a bad, bad movie. I can't remember. I'm sure, like, there are talented people involved. Sure. Like, I am sure that there was some earlier version of this script, even, that was better. But, like, this version that we got is sort of bafflingly free of jokes. Like I can't like oftentimes I can't even tell what the joke was supposed to be in the movie. And unfortunately, the action doesn't work either. So you're left with a whole lot of nothing. What do you say, Stuart? Yeah, I feel like the only joke they really retained was the title of the movie. But yeah, I would say this is a bad, bad movie. Anytime I find myself spending the whole time trying to think like, how would I have made this functional?

And I am not a screenwriter. So, yeah, it's, I think, that's true. So I would say, yeah, this movie's a mess. There's just not very many jokes. Obviously, there's talented people that are kind of doing their best. But there's, it feels like nothing of a movie. I agree. I've got nothing else to add to that.

Bad, bad movie. No one is well served by it. And I'm sure that everyone in who worked on it is capable of, better. So I guess this is a see-me-after class to the people who made Brightheart. Say, what's the trivia show where dreams come true? It's got to be, go fact yourself. Legend in the house. We quiz celebrity contestants about topics they love.

Then bring out surprise experts. To delight and amaze. And then finally tell us why you know and love the lyrics to the song, Knockin' Boots by Candyman. Joining us tonight is a rapper and producer. It's Candyman! This is among the greatest moments of my life. This is one of mine, too.

I love it. That's go fact yourself. Twice a month, every month. Here on Maximum Fun. Since 2017, after every Max Fund drive, we've held a sale for Max Fund members where all of the proceeds go to a nonprofit. In December, we donated $43,000 to Transgender Law Center.

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Make healthy eating easy with Factor. Hey, guys. We are also sponsored in part by ourselves. By the things that we do. And so let's talk about the things that we have that are going on. That's right. And Tim Allen is here.

It is next week. Next week, a week after this episode drops, well, a week and a day. We're going to be appearing at San Francisco Sketch Fest. That's right. We will be there live in person, January 25th. That's a Sunday at 4 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club. The Flop House is coming back to San Francisco. We're back to Sketchfest.

We're talking. Talking about Master of Disguise, the Dana Carvey movie where he briefly dresses up like a turtle man. Wait, what? We are. Stuart, this isn't how I wanted you to find out. But we had a great time at last year's Sketchfest. We are very excited to be at this Sketchfest.

Cobbs is a great comedy club. It's a super fun place to be. Please join us, won't you? Sunday, January 25th, at Cobb's Comedy Club for tickets and for other schedules, for all the other amazing shows going on at SF Sketchfest. go to sfetchfest.com. We're our show on January 25th Sunday next weekend at Cobbs Comedy Club.

But hey, guys, what if you can't make it to San Francisco for whatever reason? You still want to see us live. What if? What if? Well, you can see us live over your computer for a limited time if you go to Flop TV. That's right.

Go to theflophouse. Simpletics.com for season three of Flop TV. There's one episode left, guys. our February episode, February 7th, that's the first Saturday in February. We will round out the end of our Flopster Peace Theater season by talking about Plan 9

from outer space. That's right, maybe the most famous bad movie that was ever famous for being bad. We're finally going to talk about it. It's going to be amazing. This has been a really fun season of Flop TV. Flop TV, as everyone knows, is our one hour, kind of like online video version

of the podcast. We've had a lot of fun talking about the Adventures of Pluto Nash and Jack Frost and Zanadu. and Zardaws and Dr. Doolittle. And now we round out the season with our season finale, Plan 9 from Outer Space. Now, if you missed our other episodes,

that's okay. If you buy tickets to those shows, you get access to the recordings, which will all be available through the end of February when they go back in the Flop House vault. So if you've slept on getting tickets to watch Flop TV,

sleep no more. I don't mean sleep no more, the interactive theatrical experience. It's closed, though it. Okay, good, good. Don't buy tickets for that. It's closed. Instead, buy tickets.

to FlopTV at theflophouse.Simpletix.com. Get our season pass bundle. That's six shows for the price of five. And join us February 7th as we bid adieu to flop TV for this season with Plan 9 from Outer Space. That's theflophouse. com. Hey guys, I have a couple of personal things that I'd like to promote if that's okay with you guys. Sure.

Okay. All right. Well, as everyone knows, I have my book out, joke farming, how to write comedy and other nonsense. It's on store shelves now or buy it online, I guess. but I'd prefer you went to your independent bookstore. It's all about how to write books. I'm still writing the Harley Quinn series monthly from DC Comics, and I'm still hosting Clueless, the Game Show podcast on the Smartless Network.

Go listen to it. Clueless, it's a much shorter podcast than the Flop House. So if you really want to dig into a podcast and luxuriate in it, the Flop House. But if you don't have a lot of time, just go to listen to Clueless. And finally, I have a new comic book series that is coming out this year. What? From Mad Cave Studios. I have a new book called Barbarian

Behind Bars. It is the story of what happens when a Conan the Barbarian-type character who has gone on a multi-dimensional quest that ended on earth, gets thrown in jail and he doesn't speak English, nobody knows who he is. He's got to figure out how to get out of prison, and people have figured out what is his deal as magic and dangerous things are happening around him

because perhaps the villain that he thought he dispatched in the beginning of the series, perhaps there's more to it than he thinks. So that's Barbarian. behind bars. I'm reuniting with my maniac of New York artist Andrea Moody. We're working through Mad Cave Studios, which is a fun, smaller

comic company that has a lot of great stuff coming out. And the first issue comes out, February 11th. So that's Barbarian Behind Barbarian number one in Combook Stores. February 11th. You can order it until January 19th. That's the final order cut off. So tell your local comic store, make mine Madcave

and order Barbarian behind bars, number one. You had Stuart at Barbarian. I think Stuart's actually going to like it a lot. Yeah, it sounds like my thing. It's a combination of high fantasy and pulp prison B movie storytelling. So get ready for violence. Love it. Very violent.

Let's answer a few letters from listeners. This first letter is from Matt's last name withheld. Well, the first letter is A. What? Okay. All right. I got you, Danny Boy. Did you get me?

You got got it. I guess so. That's the feeling of getting got. Yeah, how's it feel? I've been gotten. I have a feel to get gotten, got to go. Hey, Peaches. Oh, hey.

Just writing to say that you guys gave me some real nostalgia when you mentioned the 1950s film adaptation of 20,000 leagues under the sea in the episode on The Crow. Like Elliot's kid, I went through a serious Jules Verne phase about 30 years ago, and I was unfortunately one of those

insufferable children who was emotionally compelled to force their interests on their parents and peers. Those are called children. Yeah. Perhaps, unsurprisingly, when I made several

of my slightly older cousins watch it with me, they were unenthused by a 1950s sci-fi adventure. This would be unremarkable except this ended up being a foundational moment when I realized,

hey, Matt, you're kind of a weirdo who likes old things, and I haven't looked back since. I'm now a professional historian and teacher and my wife and I are having a kid in January so thanks for helping me relive that seminal moment.

Hopefully I can Are you laughing because Super futuristic stuff by the way? Are you laughing because hearing about a kid and seminal were I am. That is why I'm laughing, yeah. Okay. Because there's two ways to use that word.

Indeed. Hopefully I can help my kid grow up to be just as weird and old film nerd as me. So, Beaches. What pulpy old adventure movies would you suggest for kids who are into that kind of stuff?

I'm even open to ones with problematic elements as long as I can make them into teaching moments. Matt, last name, withheld. I'm sure Elliot has a bunch of them and maybe we'll be overlapping. I wrote down a few. I wrote down a few, too. It depends on like what you mean.

Does the Adventures of Robin Hood qualify as pulpy? or is that too folk-talee? I also had that question because I had that on my list also. There's a thin line. So it's, when you say pulpy, you know, going off of like 20,000 leagues, it feels like adventure, you know,

as opposed to there are westerns that you could consider pulpy westerns that are good. There's something like the Adventures of Robin Hood. That's the animated one, right? No, it's the Aeroful in one. But I mean, the animated Robin Hood is fine. I'm sure we probably both have King Kong

Kong as a possibility. Oh, you know what? I didn't put on there because I think of that as a monster movie. But you're right. That's a good action, yeah. Especially if you want to make it a teaching moment for racial insensitivity. Well, the one that's... I love that movie.

The one I have on here that is definitely teaching one because it has a lot of colonialist stuff and it is Gungadin. But that's a very fun adventure movie. That's the first one I thought of was Gungadin where it is certainly you've got actors in brownface. You've got it's... They're just treating a whole religion as if it is evil. like and stuff like that but it's such a fun Pulp Adventure if you can look past

it's about colonialism you know the heroes are the colonialists but but also there's a long time mention from me and Stuart there's the man who would be king is another great kind of like

fun pulpy adventure movie I was I was trying to think of like old old movies so like the 30s prisoner of Zenda is a fun kind of like adventure movie that way Captain Blood the Aeropin pirate movie

to the my last one I had was the Crimson pirate with Bert Lancaster. I liked. Yeah, you guys both put the Phantom in there, right? Billy Zane, the Phantom. Slam Evil.

It's based on an old thing. It's less old than the other ones. It's pretty old. It's pretty old now. Because then there's movies... Because then there's... Like, do Pulpy War movies count? Because then there's like the Lost Patrol

or Sahara. Yeah, Cross of Iron. Good ones. Cross of Iron. Cross of Iron is one of those movies. When I finally watch... I remember seeing... the box for it when I worked at Sunco's motion picture

and I'm like, they made a movie or the heroes or the Nazis? And I finally watched a couple years ago and I'm like, there's good stuff for this movie, but I'm still not quite sure why they made this movie. Yeah, that's crazy. Because then there's like some of the kind of kind of that pulpier westerns.

And so like Winchester 73 is a, is a fun kind of adventure Western where this one gun is kind of going through different hands. But it's like, what do you mean by pulp basically? Yeah. What counts? But you can't go wrong with, I mean, you can't go wrong in terms of racial sensitivity,

but with movies like King Kong or Gangadan or the man would be king or those Errol Flynn or Bert Leicester pirate movies, the Adventures of Robin Hood is such a fun one. And it's so beautiful. It's so colorful, you know. John Carter or Mars. Yeah, okay.

I think it's just called John Carter. I call it, of Mars. Not in my household. Okay, so, and we have another letter here. The final letter. It's from Quinn last name withheld. I want to say one thing. I wrote this in an email to myself

and I had started with old pulpy adventure movies but it auto-corrected to old puppy adventure movies. Old Yeller. That's not really an adventure. There's some adventures in there. I guess so. For the end. The greatest adventure.

The voyage to the Undiscovered Continent. You see. White Shores. This is from Quinn last name withheld. Who writes. This is this letter's titled, Two comments and a question. Dear Peaches.

All right. To Elliot. Happy birthday. To Dan. As of the recording of this, my birthday was a month ago, but I'll take it. To Dan, your clumsy tongue delights me. Don't ever change. To Stu.

That's what she said about Dan's clumsy tongue. Okay. To Stu. What kind of bloody merry mix do you use at your bars? Much love. Oh, I mean, I think it's, we can't leave it to the bartender to just kind of whip it up. But it is generally, you know, tomato juice, hot sauce, soy sauce, lemon juice, salt. So you don't use a mix, though.

You use it. No, we make it fresh. The one thing I almost always insist on is I think the best way to make a Bloody Mary is to throw a splash of Guinness in there as well. Because it adds a little bit of like neediness to it, a little bit of umami. Okay. Well. It tastes like breakfast. learned

an important I don't think Mommy's the right word but like a little bit you know well I mean is that kind of like media richness

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so let's let's go on to the final segment which is

recommendations movies that you'd be better served watching than Bridehart yeah real quick Dan you can't recommend

bride hard okay this is gonna be hard then it's difficult yeah you blogged it like five times

in your letterbox like that time my brother and I rented ski school or ski patrol. Sorry, we weren't allowed

to rent ski school. We rented ski patrol and like watch it like seven times in a weekend. Yeah, you're just really

into the idea of Paul Fieg. Patrolling. Yeah. Just like sort of being orderly. This is a movie that doesn't need

my critical support, but because it's been getting plenty, but I will say it's the movie that I saw recently that I enjoyed the most. So I'm recommending it.

It's Marty Supreme. I saw it yesterday. It was, I mean, it's just like kind of an electric movie. Oh, it's not one of those analog candlelit movies where you have to crank it while you're watching? Yeah, like fucking Nospheratt, too. It crackles with energy. It is 150 minutes long. I did not feel the length.

I felt the length of the, you know, 90-minute-ish brideheart much more. Well, what about Dr. Doolittle? It's the same runtime. There's a it's just it's filled with surprises. It's filled with like interesting faces like the like the cast of this as well like in supporting roles you have able Ferrar is in it as a an actor like Fran Drescher shows up pin Gillette shows up like interesting choices but like and at the center of it just Timothy Shalemate you know early on in his career I was like who's this

houseman who's taking America by storm. I wasn't necessarily a believer. And now I'm a full convert. He is one of our great actors now. It is a really just a terrific movie filled with energy and stress as Safty movies tend to be. This is Josh Safty. On stress levels, where would it sit in the Good Time and Uncut Gems, Pantheon? I mean, less than Uncut Gems.

maybe more than good times just because... This time's pretty stressed out. But like the skill of the director has increased, so, you know. Yeah. He can ratchet it up. I'm going to recommend a movie I saw... This was the last movie I saw in the theater of 2025.

And boy, it was a banger. That's right. No other choice by Park Chan Wook. Arguably my most anticipated movie the year. and it delivers. I have loved, I mean, I've loved all his movies, but I feel like he's on such a tear.

This is a movie about a man who works for a paper company who, on-seremoniously loses his job and is forced to try and get a new job, and his only option, of course, is to kill his other competitors for his same job. despite the fact that they were all winners of the Pulp Man Award for being the Pulp Man of the Year. And it's like this, his last two movies particularly have been such like Hitchcockian thrillers, but there's also so much stuff going on underneath.

I feel like I love how Park Chan Wook's movies, like lately specifically have this like sheen of civility that is like there's just like boiling emotions underneath that then, explode. And he, as a craftsman, his movies have become so interesting with the way the camera moves and the way he does like dissolves and overlays. It's just such a great, like it's both a fun thriller. It also feels very timely and of the moment what with AI coming for all of our jobs. And yeah, it's great. I love it. No other choice. Check it out. I haven't gotten to see really any new movies lately and I haven't seen a lot that I was really into. I've had to watch some Flop House movies,

but those would be terrible to recommend. Breitard was one of them. So instead I was like, what's a funny movie that has a wedding in it that's genuinely funny? So I'm just going to recommend the Palm Beach story, a movie that has two wedding scenes in them. I guess they're pretty short.

They're very short. But it's just a really funny movie. It's Preston Sturgis movie, Claudette Colpair, Joel McCrae, Mary Aster's in it, Rudy Valley's in it. It's super funny. I don't want to tell you what happens in it

because I think part of the fun of it is recognizing that the plot is not super important to a certain extent. But it's really funny. If you want to watch a funny movie that also has a wedding in it, watch The Palm Beach Story. Well, that's the show.

And we should sign off because we got more to do. To peek behind the court. tonight we've got flop TV so let's let's close up shop on this episode uh turn out the lights take down the circus tent wipe off the grease paint yeah wipe the grease paint off the circus tent um why do we put all that grease paint on the circus tent uh i want to thank our network maximum fun go to maximum fun dot org there's a lot of other great shows more all the time check him out It's a wonderful place.

It's a worker-owned co-op. It's one of the few ethical places you can save your money, I say, as we approach Max Fund Drive coming up in a little bit. I don't know. A beat dance ass. And I want to thank Alex Smith, our producer. He does a lot of great creative work on his own. He makes music under the name Howled Doughty. He also does a podcast under the name Howled Dottie,

where he talks to a giant possum. It's very funny. Check that out. But for the Flopas, I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. I'm Elliot Caelin. Okay. See in the bride pages.

How'd that work? I guess that works. Perfect. Perfect. A plus. I think sometimes people like the seed of our pants. Oh, yeah, I'm into it. Yeah, I'm into it. Dan, we know you love the seed of certain people's pants.

Mm-hmm. Why? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I got so specific. Oh, okay. The lore. The butt lore.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Do you think there's ever a situation where Dan's like, ooh, check out that keyster. Wait a minute. No wedding ring. I'm out of here. No, thank you. Red flag.

He's really in it more for the fantasy. That butt can't commit. Speaking of butts, I was really... Dan, that is a butt that can't quit and can't commit. Speaking of butts, I've been excited to talk a lot about heated rivalry, the hockey show. The hockey show. I can not stop talking about this. I haven't seen it.

What I really hope is that somewhere there exists, like, dads who are just really into hockey, who are like, well, it's a show about hockey, I'll watch it. There's a little too much sex. for me, but, you know, there's some good hockey. Let me ask one, David E. Kalen, what his feelings are about it. I genuinely am interested. Stuart brings it up so much, I'm like,

are you discovering something about yourself, Stuart? What is this? I think Stewart's been on this, this discovery quest for quite a while now. Discovery Quest. What a TV show that was. What a series of young adult books. Yeah, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

It's a TV show based on the series of young adult books. It's a PBS show. It's educational where young people go to different locations around the world and different times to learn about Stewart's more and more ambiguous sexuality. Okay. I just love blasting is all. Yeah, you don't care who. I'm just happy to see someone get some.

You're just like X-Forces cannibal. You know, as long as he's blasting, he's nigh and vulnerable. Okay, well, we've warmed up plenty. Let's... Like X-Force is cannibal. I guess technically is pretty warm, right? Do they ever address how warm he gets inside his little forest bubble? I don't think they do.

Well, the fact that from the waist down, he just becomes flame and smoke when he's blasting, you know. It seems pretty warm. So can he pee while he's blasting? That's a quick question. I asked that at sex ed, but the teacher got mad at me and kicked me out. Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network. Of artists-owned shows.

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